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here4stars · 3 years

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Love Reading: ♡Earth signs ♡

21 March 2021

Love Reading: ♡Earth signs ♡

Initials: F, C, A, X, & D

Songs: Enjoy The Silence by Depeche Mode and Mr. Loverman by Ricky Montgomery

Other: Bandaids, nausea/abdominal pain, the color orange, the beach, Suave Men (specifically SPORT) body/hair wash, soy sauce, skin care/sunscreen (or maybe just pale skin), AirPods 1st gen. and AirPod pros, 6 months or less separation, and sulking.

Hi earth signs!!! ♡ This message is very very specific. And for some reason I kept getting this message is for earth sign women (as their sun sign, not in their rising and moon) particularly.

Hi huns🍯🐝, it seems like haven’t been doing well lately. I’m seeing that you seem to practice different ways to manifest things, almost like you’re dipping your toes into Wicca, but are still fearful of the power it may hold. I sense that you are scared of doing spells, because you feel that you will attract bad spirits or negative energy, which is understandable! There’s spells you can do without having to feel completely exposed and vulnerable to other energies and spirits (dm if you’d like a spell that I would pick out for you ♡ almost like a fortune.) But that’s not what I wanted to bring up. Your guides want me to tell you that in order for your manifestations to work, you have to actually believe in yourself and imagine your manifestations while writing them down, saying them in a mirror, drawing them (whatever technique you use!) The whole point of manifesting things is attracting what you deserve, and if you feel like you don’t deserve something deep down inside, then how will it come to you?

I’m not someone who sugar coats things, so please know that my wording may seem harsh but it’s for you to understand the energy and tone I’m receiving. ♡

I’m am just going to tell you flat out though, someone from your past is coming back. It seems like there’s no stopping this person from trying to talk to you, they just need to come up with ways to do it. They’re taking their time, but their energy is very rushed. They’re like, “I have to get this done, I have to get this done, but how?”

You had a struggle with their person in the past, almost like they saw it as a power struggle. In reality they were just hot headed and immature. This person in the past was very possessive over you, and got jealous easily. It’s almost like they blamed you if another guy was looking at you or being nice to you. This person is very lively and adventurous, they’re really down for anything. It seems like this person would swim in a stormy sea if you asked them to. And it also seems that they’re willing to swim through a stormy sea just to be with you. I keep getting that to be with you was almost a struggle for them, because you felt like you weren’t good enough for them.

Also side note, but some of you are looking for heartbreak songs/playlists so if you find one on Apple Music let me know too! ♡

You feel rejected, without actually being rejected which must be very painful to think and feel. I want to let you in on a little secret though, it’s all in your head. It’s your mind making your biggest fears come to life so that you feel heartbroken. It’s your inner self’s shield for when you think the real rejection will come. But that heartbreak is not coming, so you broke your heart for nothing huns. There is nothing to do now, besides heal. It seems like you often debate how you would approach this person for when they come back, like you imagine what the conversation would be like. You also debate if you should use your heart or head when they come back, use both! Also, it seems like you want them back greatly, but you also want to tear them a new one. You want to be like, “I love you I love you I love you, so you should never leave me!” And then the other part of you wants to be like, “fuck off, YOU broke my heart!” (Hair flip) Just remember to say how you truly feel, but use both of your head and heart for when they come back. You’re also debating if you should give them another chance, and it may because you to meet someone new, but it could also be that you’re scared that things won’t be the same between you two. I see that you’re clinging onto old memories with them. But a commitment will come with this person, it could marriage, engagement, or maybe moving in with this person! But with this person, a new beginning will come, and it seems like both of you will be more nurturing to each other, you will be more reliable to each other. I see that both of you wanted this connection in the past, but you both were being wish washy with each other.

I see that you both bring out each other’s inner child. I just got that sometimes in public you act like fools, don’t do that (some people get annoyed by this.) But you both still have romantic feelings for eachtoher so don’t worry. This person is not only a past relationship you had in this life, but from another past life as well, so that could be why you feel like you’re missing something without them. (I AM NOT SAYING THEYRE YOUR SOUL MATE OR TWIN FLAME THOSE TERMS ARE MOSTLY USED BY PEOPLE WHO TRY TO MAKE BANK OFF OF VULNERABLE PEOPLE!!) But it seems like you see each other as worth the wait. You both are like, “No matter how long they take to come back to me, my heart will always belong to them.”

You need to let loose a little though, but keep your boundaries as they should always be there out of respect for yourself. You have start feeling and knowing that you deserve the ultimate happiness in many forms. You have this thing about you where if you’re not as accomplished, educated, or beautiful as others then you don’t deserve what they have. LIKE BITCH YOU DESERVE THAT SHIT TOO!!! YOURE BEAUTIFUL!!! YOURE SMART!!!! YOU GOT THINGS GOING ON!!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!! ♡♡♡ YOURE STRONG! YOU GOT A WHOLE ASS PERSON WILLING TO FIGHT POSEIDON AND ALL HIS STANK ASS FISH FRIENDS JUST TO TALK TO YOU!!!! You have potential for everything you want to accomplish and receive in life, you need to let the good thoughts grow and pour a shit ton of pesticides on the bad ones. Banish them back to the depths of your bag/purse that has all of those nasty ass crumbs that get under your nails when you’re digging around for your keys or a pen.

I also am getting that you’re scared of intimate moments because you may be self conscious of yourself. And for some it’s your body, but for other’s you’re scared of odors. LISTEN ok, i’m going to tell you a little something, YOU DO NOT SMELL. And sex smells nasty anyways for various reasons. There’s literally songs written about it 🙄 so chill with the negative Nancy thoughts. You’re always thinking about the negative, stop already. Is there any part of your life where your negative thoughts don’t take over??? Also it seems like you have a limitless amount of emotions, so please make sure to express them when you need to, it’ll make you feel a lot better.

Also if you were planning on being cold to this person, don’t because this person is going to throw that same energy back expect you’ll be like 👁👄👁(Stay Alive by BEXEY vibezzz here.) Because though this person is willing to fight for you, they’re not going to fight with you. Pick and choose your battles. Keep in mind that every little argument breaks the foundation in your connection. Also it seems that one of you or maybe both of you have family problems and you tend to take your frustrations out on the other person through fighting. You might also be seeing a lot signs that come in the forms of numbers (i.e. 212, 777, 123 and so on), also symbols. Maybe your person really likes strawberries and now there’s strawberries showing up.

Thank you for letting me read for you huns ♡✨🌸 Dm for a reading $5 (Venmo). You will get this amount of information (possibly more!) ♡♡♡

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i-did · 4 years

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1/ 4 oh it's funny you brought up the ace people thing bc i'm actually aro/ace so i can elucidate on it a little xD i don't currently write smut but i sure have read a lot of it. i think a lot of ace people find fic a safe way to like? satisfy their curiosity about sexual things without having to look at real people or even watch porn which (esp mainstream porn) can be a lot. and also to like.

2/4 idk when you don't get something but it's such a big part of what so many other people seem to find super important it makes you kinda want to figure it out? i guess? and also a lot of people have a libido even if they don’t experience attraction so that’s a thing too. 3/4 part of the reason m/m is so popular is bc it’s just like. been that way in fandom so long that it’s a habit, and i don’t think the percentage of people fetisizing m/m relationships is really as high as it’s made out to be (although it does still exist, more or less prominently in every fandom) 4/4 my closest friend is a trans dude and he identified as a lesbian for a very long time and he’d never written lesbian porn and one day he was like. “its bc im not a lesbian and i want to write about dudes bc i am one” and i think there are a lot of younger people who are still figuring stuff out which is why i try not to be too harsh on individual people. i do still think it’s important to critique and look at why broader fandom trends turn out the way they do. anyway sorry for sending you a barrage of asks i just get excited about fandom meta xD

-mild nsfw and pwp discussion-

Hey! Yeah no worries, my blog has been pretty quiet activity and ask wise until just now so I'm kind of surprised by the amount of asks I started getting literally over night, but yeah I dont mind getting them lol.

I think "habit" is an interesting word to use in regards to people whipping mlm over wlw, and probably a pretty accurate one. I think however that the percentage of people who are fetishizing mlm is higher than people realize, because from my point of view... i haven't really heard many people talk about it or take it seriously. I don't think its just fetishization, I think its also lack of well written women as well as the default in lgbt being gay man, but i also think the fact that well developed characters get flattened out and a heteronormative dynamic gets placed on them, and the abundance of pwp proves that there is definitely fetishization and people need to start to unlearn it in fandom imo. It makes it a very uncomfortable place to be for mlm otherwise.

Also I know a lot of similar stories to the one you're saying about your friend, trans guys who didn't know who they were, especially gay trans men feeling like they fetishize mlm when they don't they're 100% mlm too, and having room for exploration is important like you said. Your friend is a straight trans guy but the point still stands.

About the ace thing: yeah and I totally get that, I know someone who reads pwp of mlm because its unemotional unlike wlw pwp and as someone who is aro they want to not feel like theyre missing out and know whats up with sexual psychology.

I've heard of a lot of ace people reading pwp to "figure out what the deal is" but its interesting to me how many people look into pwp that would be outside of their demographic, aka cis women reading pwp mlm. I think its important to note that probably 97% of mlm pwp isn't written by mlm for mlm, and isn't actually accurate not only in the mlm gaze, but also functionality and how sex feels. Its porn. Porn exaggerates things, it makes things sound bigger and more extreme and extraordinary because it os inherently performative in a way to arouse the consumer. In had an ace friend tell me they were sad sex wasn't something that they could experience in pwp but, no one can lol. I mean there is more toned down realistic pwp, but the vast majority talks about full body feeling (which btw amab people experience orgasums localized while afab experience more full body)

I get the appeal to not want to look at real people but wanting to know, but why only read mlm if thats the case? Why not also wlw or wlm, etc.

Also its important to note it still isn't actually accurate in a lot of small ways beyond gaze, but also proper prep, health, sanitization, eating habits, body hair, positions, terminology, sensations, culture etc.

I've had someone state that if they wanted accuracy they would go out and actually sleep with someone, but still that person was a cis woman reading mlm pwp, and I think accuracy is important to a degree to prevent issues like fetishization, but also unrealistic expectations.

You stated that mainstream porn is a lot, and it is, but also so is pwp imo, especially as a mlm. The pwp tag in ant fandom is quite wild lol. Thats. Thats my 2 cents, its quite wild.

But yeah overall the best thing is to assume people don't have ill intent, they usually don't! But that doesn't mean that overall some people aren't also causing harm by doing such things like fetishizing mlm in fandom.

Cool asks lol wasn't expecting this everyones been chill so far thanks for the lack of anon hate and remember that the internet is a public space and to try to be respectful of others.

#aftg #all for the game #fandom politics #fandom psychology #ask #mailob

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reesewestonarchive · 5 years

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chapter nine / rem belongs to @forlornraven / masterpost / mature content

Nakoa wakes to darkness. He finds out easily that he’s in a vehicle; the rumble of tires beneath him, the loud, high-pitched squeal of rubber on asphalt.

The hard, unforgiving feel of metal against his shoulder. He opens his eyes, but it makes no difference. He sees slivers of light, but nothing really. Nakoa blinks, once, twice, and, when he turns over, finds himself grateful for the lack of light, because just the slivers of daylight peeking through are enough to send spikes through his brain.

“You awake?” He jolts at the sound of a voice, relaxes when Rem adds, “Hey, it’s just me.” His words are near slurring, though. Nakoa spins his head to look for him, nervous, worried, but it’s impossible to see in the darkness. “I—” Rem huffs a frustrated breath. “Can’t see a fucking thing—where are you?”

One of Rem’s boots finds Nakoa’s ribs. He mutters an apology, then says, “Hang on—” before he reaches down, his hand skirting along Nakoa’s back until he reaches Nakoa’s hands, clasped behind him. “Hold still.”

The ties release after just a second, and when Nakoa pulls them up, he asks, “How the fuck did you get out of them?” The plastic rubbed his wrists raw, even as short as they were on.

He can hear Rem’s grin in his voice when he speaks, though, and his presence makes the dark, unforgiving trcuk a little less foreboding. “You think I leave the motel without a knife?”

Nakoa would laugh, if he could. Instead, he reaches a hand out, trying to find Rem in the dark. “Where—” he says, before he makes contact with Rem’s knee. Relief settles in his stomach, and he reaches out for Rem’s hand, squeezes it. Feels better already when Rem squeezes back.

“You okay?” Nakoa asks. “That looked.” Bad. Terrible. Nakoa sees it no matter where he looks, Rem lying on the asphalt like that.

“Mm.” But his voice sounds far away. “Nakoa.”

“Yeah.”

“What the fuck?”

Nakoa should have known, knows he should have. That he should have said something to Rem, but… “My father’s—” The word tastes bitter on his tongue. “…in imports.”

“Drugs,” Rem says, immediately. “Fucking hell, Nakoa.”

It’s how Nakoa got started. It’s why he kept going with them. Michael’s into more than just weed, though, and therein lies the problem. That Nakoa knows. Michael had beat him, when Nakoa found out, and has since used his strength to his advantage. Try as he might, Nakoa can only throw a punch if he’s catching someone off guard, if they can fight worse than he can.

Michael doesn’t fit the bill, and he’s always carrying.

“I didn’t have a choice!” Nakoa says. “And I thought. Maybe, if I wasn’t there… why would he waste a bunch of bullshit on me? Men, resources.” Why would he follow Nakoa across the country? Nakoa, of all people?

“You stole from him,” Rem says. His voice comes out flat. “Nakoa.”

“You don’t get to play like you wouldn’t have done the same fucking thing,” he says, tone sharp. He pulls back from Rem, smells blood on his hands as he wipes them down his face. “How often have you stolen whiskey?”

“It’s legal! You wanna compare that to coke?”

Exhausted, suddenly, Nakoa says, “I really need you to not fucking judge me. I stopped, okay? He didn’t notice, and even if he had, what was he gonna do?” Michael hates Nakoa; always has. A disappointment, and that isn’t even considering Rem. That’s not considering the fact that Michael knows, and always has, that Nakoa beds men as often as he does women. It’s been like this since Nakoa was born, his father distant for work, and Nakoa eager for his approval and stumbling on his work at thirteen.

“He couldn’t do anything about it then,” Nakoa says. “But now what’s stopping him? His kid went missing. No one’s gonna care if I end up in a ditch.”

“Don’t fucking joke about that.”

Nakoa shuts his mouth, though. Taps his fingers on the metal on the floor. He says, “I should have told you.” He wants to apologize; can’t.

Wishes that he could just… touch Rem. No expectation. Find comfort in his touch.

He holds his hands to himself, and neither of them speak.

Eventually, the van slows to a stop, and doesn’t start again. Rem gets to his feet, says, “I got this.” Nakoa hears the knife unlatching in his hand. “Stay back.”

“Don’t being a knife to a gun fight, you—” Nakoa sighs. “Just—get behind me.”

“I’m not going to let you—”

“He’s my father,” Nakoa says, his voice cracking. “Let me deal with him.” He thinks about clocking Rem on the head again, but if he got knocked out that bad, he might already have a concussion.

Nakoa doesn’t say, “I want you safe.” He doesn’t say that it means more to him that Rem is okay, that Rem can go home. Maybe Rem thinks he’s worthless, but he’s Nakoa’s entire world.

The door slides up, and Nakoa blinks against the blinding light. Rem stands behind him, body heat warming Nakoa’s back. Michael’s behind his men, chatting on the phone, but Nakoa doesn’t move, not until Michael says, his voice almost bored, like he’s not still devising a plan. “Come join me for dinner.”

Nakoa blinks. “Pretty fucking dramatic entrance for dinner.”

Michael rolls his eyes. “You could show a little respect.”

Already disappointing his father, and they’ve been reunited for a matter of minutes. Nakoa holds his gaze and says, “You wanna kill me, go ahead.”

Behind him, he hears Rem make a small, distressed noise. “Nakoa—”

But Nakoa’s tired of living in this hole, in his father’s shadow, too afraid to move beyond Michael and his wants. Too afraid Michael might follow through on his threats.

“Just come. We’ll discuss what I plan to do with you at dinner.” Michael sighs, rubbing his forehead. “I keep forgetting about the carry on.” Nakoa catches his attention shifting to Rem, wishes it wouldn’t. “Hm. Looks like he’s the reason they’re free. Someone remind me we need handcuffs.”

When Nakoa doesn’t go forward, Michael sighs, says, “Someone grab him, please. Leave the other.” He sighs. “And tie him up this time?”

One of the men hauls Nakoa from the truck, by the hair, the shoulder. Nakoa swears, grips at the guy’s wrist and tries to walk with him, can’t. Holds tight and tries to lessen the pressure on his hair, anyway.

He watches as Rem crawls from the truck, eyes wide with fear, brandishing his knife. In comparison to giant men with handguns, he looks like a small, terrified child. Nakoa knows better than to call out his name, so he doesn’t.

His chest aches, and a half-strangled, “Rem—” escapes from his throat, just as the man dragging him pulls him into a building. Before the door shuts, Nakoa catches sight of Rem lashing out, the sound of a gunshot, then… Nothing.

Nakoa finds himself dropped at Michael’s feet, scalp burning, Michael staring down at him with something akin to disinterest. “I wish things could have gone differently for you, Nakoa.”

This is nothing like the Michael Nakoa remembers. This man is… different. Distressingly calm, quiet.

Nakoa prefers him screaming. Calm breeds terror in Nakoa’s chest, and he doesn’t care for the way it burrows in and refuses to leave.

“Up.” It’s not a request. “Dinner.”

Tossing a scowl back at the man who’d dragged him, Nakoa rubs his wrists, follows Michael through the warehouse.. He needs to stay around until he can get back to Rem, anyway. After that… who cares? Michael can do whatever he wants with Nakoa, as long as Rem gets out of this safely.

Michael leads him into another room to a table sitting alone, like one in the movies, covered with a tablecloth, a single lightbulb illuminating the table and nothing more.

With a swallow, Nakoa takes his seat, still rubbing his wrists. Michael sits in the other chair, and, neat as can fucking be, he undoes his napkin and lays it across his lap.

“Nakoa,” Michael says, and now he sounds more like himself, like the Michael Nakoa remembers. “You are a pain in my ass, you know that?”

“So the pleasant, calm druglord, that’s just for your employees. But your son, all bets are off.”

Michael’s gaze is sharp, piercing, and Nakoa wishes he’d kept his mouth shut. “Ungrateful. You know,” he says, already lifting the lid from his dinner, “you really don’t understand the sacrifices I’ve made for you. The resources I’ve wasted finding you.”

As if Nakoa asked for it. As if he gives a shit about whether Michael goes broke. As if he cares, for half a second, what Michael loses. He sits back, crosses his arms. Waits.

“I can see you’re going to be difficult, so let me lay this out for you.” He pops a bite of dinner—steak, because of course it is—into his mouth, and chews. Slow. Nakoa knows the tactic well, terrify them with their own imagination. “You’ll come home with me.”

“Over my—”

“—and we can leave your friend here to fend for himself.”

“Next.”

Eyebrow raised, Michael cuts back into his steak. “I could just as easily kill your friend, you know. He hardly seems like a man someone will miss.” At Nakoa’s expression, Michael laughs. “Don’t tell me you think—” He shakes his head. “You’re a fool, Nakoa.”

Better a fool than a prick, Nakoa thinks, but he doesn’t say so. Michael married a gentle woman, one he can scare into submission, and he thinks Nakoa’s life choices are worth judging. “Next option,” he says, through gritted teeth, staring hard at the table, at the knife marks in the wood. Imagines what it might be like to see those on his skin, instead. If he’d even life through it.

“I could kill the both of you. You’ve already been missing for how long? None of the authorities would think twice about a couple of stupid, runaway queer boys ending up dead. Two of them…” He clicks his tongue. “Well. Is that even a tragedy worth the news cycle?”

And Michael wonders why he ran away. Nakoa lifts his gaze, reluctant, up towards Michael’s face, hates the giddy expression on his father’s face. He’s a bastard, and Nakoa knows he’s always enjoyed his work a little too much, but he’d hoped maybe, underneath it all, there was something that made him human. Now he’s not so sure.

“Easiest way to tie up loose ends, don’t you agree?”

Nakoa wants to tell him to fuck off, but Michael won't hesitate to cut him with the knife on his plate. Never has before. Never hesitates, once he makes his mind up. “Why the holdup?” Nakoa asks, but his voice shakes. “Sounds like you got it all figured out. Why not just kill me now?”

He’s losing his patience, Michael. The joy drains from his expression and he returns to his dinner, almost bored. “Unfortunately, I still think there might be some use in you. I could use you to make an example. I think using you as a living example carries more weight, don’t you?”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”

Pointing a fork to Nakoa’s plate, Michael says, “Eat. It’s the last time you’ll get the opportunity in a while.”

“What about Rem?” Nakoa does his best to hold his voice steady, to keep Michael from making any more shitty comments, but it still comes out wrong.

“I think I’ll be doing the world a favor, taking him out.” He reaches for his drink, then sighs. “Nakoa, please. If you don’t eat, I’ll be forced to take other measures.” Like what, Nakoa wonders, but doesn’t ask. Sighing, Michael sets his fork down and says, “Nakoa. It’s in your best interest to work with me.”

“Too fucking bad.”

“I can make your life a living hell, you know.”

“You already did. What can you do to make it worse?”

Michael raises an eyebrow, says, “You think you’re in love with the man outside. Not sure where you got that, but fine, I’ll play along. You’re right in considering yourself worthless, so I understand I can’t use you against yourself.” With a cock of his head, Michael leans back in his seat. “I might be able to use him yet. Suppose I better put in the call to keep him in one piece after all.” He pulls a walkie talkie out of his shirt pocket and switches it on. “Hold my previous order,” Michael says, glaring at Michael. “Plans have changed. We’re going to have a little fun.”

#my writing #road to nowhere au

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obiwan824 · 6 years

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Letter-Fedya Dolokhov x Reader x Anatole

Requested by anon

Request: COULD YOU DO A THING WHERE THE READER IS THE YOUNGEST ROSTOVA AND SHE LIVES IN PETERSBURG AND SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH DOLOKHOV AND WRITES HIM LETTERS AND THEYRE IN LOVE AND SHE SHOWS UP TO THE OPERA SCENE AND SHE HAD ASKED IF HE WANTED TO GO WITH HER BUT HE SAID HE ALREADY HAD PLANS AND THEN SHE SEES HIM AND HÉLÈNE AND SHE SITS RIGHT BEHIND THEM AND SHE FLIRTS WITHANATOLETOMAKEDOLOKHOVJEALOUSANDANATOLEISINONITANDDOLOKHOVSAYSTHATHELOVESHÉLÈNEAND BREAKSUPWITHHERBUTANATOLEMAKESHERHAPPY???????

Y/N looked down at the newest letter, a bright smile plastering across her face. She grabbed it out of the stack of mail, knowing Sonya would tease her if she saw it, and, holding it close to her chest, ran upstairs to her rooms. Shutting the door behind her, she leaned against it, removing the seal carefully with her fingernail and opening the letter, breathing in the familiar scent of fresh paper, ink, and a tiny bit of Fedya’s cologne.

Her eyes scanned the paper slowly, wanting to savor every last word. It was like a poem, the way he wrote, each word carefully planned, each one with a secret meaning. When she finished, she went back to the start, again and again until she had soaked in every last sentence. Y/N smiled to herself as she folded the letter back up and tucked it away in the little wooden box on her desk, settling down to write back.

It had been at least a week since she’d last seen Dolokhov, but it felt like an eternity. She’d have to ask her mother if they could go to Moscow for a visit soon.

As she wrote, a sudden thought made her grin. Fedya had mentioned an opera, one in Moscow, one that was supposed to be the biggest event of the year. All of the ladies and gentleman who were anybody in Russia were said to be attending. And Countess Rostova had mentioned the same opera the other day, insisting that the family went.

Y/N, at the end of her letter, quickly scribbled in her afterthought.

And that opera you mentioned sounds enchanting. Would I be able to accompany you there? I haven’t seen a show in ages. Missing you every day.

Ever yours, Y/N.

She smiled at her work and sealed it up, running off to mail it.

…

Y/N glanced at the glass one more time, studying her reflection. Her hair was still perfectly in place with a dozen pins and her dress was smooth, shiny, and pristine. She had chosen a gown that showed off her shoulders and neck, knowing she had to make an impression. She threw on her coat and ran out, where Anatole was waiting for her with his carriage.

“Ready to go?” he asked, smiling brightly. He looked her up and down. “You clean up nicely!”

She rolled her eyes, taking his arm and letting him help her into the troika. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.”

At the opera, men and women entered arm-in-arm, one pair after another, all in a perfect, mechanical rhythm, looking both elegant and foolish at the same time. She took Anatole’s arm, trying not to trip as they entered. Her eyes were immediately scanning the room, trying to find Dolokhov.

Fedya was in the front row, leaning back in his seat comfortably. And his arm was around the seat next to him, holding Anatole’s sister. Helene laughed at something her companion had said, the pair of them looking joyful. Y/N felt a pain in her heart but ignored it, shaking her head.

She leaned over, lips inches from Anatole’s ear. “Will you pretend to flirt with me?”

Anatole quirked an eyebrow at her. “Pretend, darling?”

“Shut up. I want to make him jealous.”

“Aren’t you courting?” Anatole began to move down the aisle and she scrambled to keep up, grabbing his arm again. She paused at this, chewing her lip.

“I don’t know anymore.”

He looked at her apologetically, giving her a tiny smile as he led her to the seats right behind Fedya and Helene. He spoke, voice clear and confident, as always.

“Dolokhov! Sweet sister.”

The pair spun around, smiling at Anatole. When he saw Y/N holding Anatole’s arm, Dolokhov flushed red.

“Y/N! I didn’t think you’d be coming.”

“Well,” Y/N said slowly, looking up at Anatole with as much fondness as she could muster, trying to look in love. “When you said you already had plans, it opened me up for Anatole here.”

Anatole, playing along, slipped an arm around her waist, and she tucked into his side. “Thanks for that, Fedya. I never would have gotten to know Y/N without that chance!”

Fedya wrinkled his nose.

“Well, it was lovely to see you,” Helene said, though it was forced, as the curtain began to rise. Anatole settled into his seat as they turned back around and Y/N did the same. She watched with satisfaction as Fedya snatched his arm away from Helene’s seat and sat stiffly, obviously embarrassed.

“Looks like we’ve done it,” Anatole murmured to her.

“It’s not enough. Keep going.”

As the opera continued, so did Anatole. Whispering little compliments and pickup lines and flirty phrases to her just loud enough so that Dolokhov would hear, keeping his arm around her shoulders. She plastered on a blush, trying to look embarrassed. Before the act was over, however, she found her heart fluttering and her face heating up without her forcing it. She brushed it off as good acting.

When the curtain dropped for intermission, she leaned back in her seat, dropping her head onto Anatole’s shoulder. Y/N found that although she had only done it as an act, she enjoyed the feeling of his hands coming up to tangle in her hair. She was disappointed when Dolokhov never turned around, yet she didn’t pull away. She leaned into Anatole’s touch, feeling her heart beat faster.

…

When Y/N saw the letter in the stack, the familiar address, script, and seal she knew so well, she didn’t feel the usual joy. Her face dropped, her heart plummeted. Maybe this was the time he ended things.

“Y/N, darling?” Anatole’s voice was filled with concern, concern for her. He was visiting from Moscow, giving her updates on her cousin, who was staying there. “Did you get any mail?”

Y/N tucked the letter into her skirts, turning around to face him as he entered the room. She shook her head. “Nope, all boring stuff for mother. Come on, let’s get back to what we were doing, shall we?”

She led him back to her rooms, the letter a heavy weight on her, burning a hole in her skin.

Later that night, when Anatole was asleep in one of the guest rooms, she pulled the letter out and began to open it eagerly. She moved quickly and carelessly, ripping the seal in half, but hardly caring.

The familiar scent of cologne was there, but something new, too- a perfume, sickly sweet and disgusting. She wrinkled her nose, bracing herself to read the letter. The words swarmed in a blur before her eyes, making it hard to read.

Dearest Countess Rostova,

It is with a heavy heart that I inform you that I must break off our courtship and engagement. I am afraid I cannot be your husband. My heart belongs to another.

Fedya Dolokhov

It was short and blunt, right to the point, apologetic. Y/N had expected it and so she wondered why tears began to form in her eyes. She threw the letter to the ground and ran to her bed, stuffing her pillow against her face. She screamed into it, muffled, and began to sob.

So it was over. He had found another. Helene Kuragina, Anatole’s sister. Y/N couldn’t even think of the blond right next door as she cried, mourning all she had lost in just a few short days. She shouldn’t have gone to the opera. It would have been easier, then, if she were blissfully unaware. She shouldn’t have flirted with Anatole- perhaps he wouldn’t have broken the engagement if she hadn’t made it seem as if she had someone else to replace him with.

As she sobbed, a sudden pair of slender arms around her waist, gentle and soothing, made her start. A head tucked into her shoulder and a hand stroked her hair, familiar and new all the same.

“Ssh, hush now, darling. It can’t be all bad.”

Y/N turned her head, breaking free of his hold, and falling back on the mattress. She tried to hide her pink, tear-stained face with her hands, but Anatole caught her wrists and pressed them down. He reached out and cupped her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away her tears.

“Is it over?” he asked softly.

Y/N paused, chewing her lip. She knew full well that the moment she said it was over, it would truly be over. She couldn’t make herself do it, and so she nodded stiffly.

Anatole studied her, eyes wide, round, and full of sorrow. “I’m sorry. I know you loved him.”

Y/N leaned into his touch on her cheek, and as her heart fluttered once more, she realized something. She grinned, eyes bright suddenly.

“No. I didn’t.” the blond raised his eyebrows, confused. “I- I- I love you.”

Anatole looked at her for a split second before he leaned forward until his lips were inches from hers, begging to be kissed. He looked up at her from beneath his lashes.

“Can I?”

Y/N thought of Dolokhov for a moment. Fedya, who had loved her, once upon a time. But he was nothing in her mind, now, a faint shadow, nothing but a memory of something that had once been there. His love was nothing, it was dull and bland in comparison to the passion and fondness that was in front of her then. Her heart thudded with anticipation, trying to get out of her chest, every nerve in her body wanted Anatole. She smiled once more, one that reached her eyes. All tears disappeared and she nodded.

“Kiss me, fool.”

tags: @phoebuus @lyricsstories

#yikes #anatole queueagin #nick writes

13 notes · View notes

disableddisaster · 7 years

Note

ALL

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?

****

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

****4. Are you easy to get along with?

sadie says yes

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

probably

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

women

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

well see which way the gay winds blow

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

erase nb identities COOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

not rly !!!

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

river says me bitch

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!” to @gaysun

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

paramores entire new album killed me

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

i dont have hair

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

15. What good thing happened this summer?

summer just started!!!!!!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

......... Yes

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

YES

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

NO gross

19. Do you like bubble baths?

yes!

20. Do you like your neighbors?

i dont know them theyre hermits and theyre old

21. What are you bad habits?

i pick at my skin!!!!!!!!!!!!!

22. Where would you like to travel?

i wanna go back to NYC.............

23. Do you have trust issues?

i thimk so

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

what routine lmfao

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

my *******

26. What do you do when you wake up?

shower

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

this question is DUMB lmao

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my best friend!!!!

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

nope

30. Do you ever want to get married?

eventually

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

i have a buzzcut

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

dude idk

33. Spell your name with your chin.

sdnbhgm,a

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

N o never in my life

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

oh boy YEA

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

nothing.... its silent...............

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

she...... is an angel

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

the thrift store..?

40. What do you want to do after high school?

high school is already done and im not rly doin gwhat i want lol

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

NO LOL

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

that im dead, because i never shut the fuck up

43. Do you smile at strangers?

ITS RUDE NOT TO

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

SPACE

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

my cat

46. What are you paranoid about?

beetles in my bed

47. Have you ever been high?

yes it sucked

48. Have you ever been drunk?

yes its fun

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

yes lol

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

i dont rly like hoodies

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

conceptually?

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

i wish my fibro would go away

53. Favourite makeup brand?

i dont rly wear makeup

54. Favourite store?

the grocery store

55. Favourite blog?

@gaybellaswan

56. Favourite colour?

YELLLOW!!!!!!

57. Favourite food?

coffee

58. Last thing you ate?

salad

59. First thing you ate this morning?

crispy chicken wrap from tim hortons!!!

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

ive won almost every limbo competition ive ever participated in

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nope

63. Ever been in love?

idk

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

it was on my bed in 2014

65. Are you hungry right now?

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

that makes no SENSE

67. Facebook or Twitter?

facebook but its still awful

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

70. Names of your bestfriends?

jenna, sab, emily, river, sadie :-)

71. Craving something? What?

coffee

72. What colour are your towels?

every colour

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

a giant bear, a carrot, a giant whale, and two pillows

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

a giant bear, a carrot, a cow, and a giant whale

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

i have no idea

75. Favourite animal?

CAT CATCATC

76. What colour is your underwear?

its grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

chocolate chip cookie dough

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

grey

80. What colour pants?

black

81. Favourite tv show?

the office

82. Favourite movie?

princess bride

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

ive never seen either

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

21 jump street cuz i actually saw that one

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

dude idk

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

the LIL SQYUID

87. First person you talked to today?

****

88. Last person you talked to today?

im talkin to sadie rn

89. Name a person you hate?

shay.

90. Name a person you love?

JENNA!!!!!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

cole

92. In a fight with someone?

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

one pair

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

a fuck ton

95. Last movie you watched?

i dont remember it had selena gomez in it tho

96. Favourite actress?

kristen stewart

97. Favourite actor?

men suck

98. Do you tan a lot?

I HHAVE A SUNBURN

99. Have any pets?

4 CATS!

100. How are you feeling?

yelly\

101. Do you type fast?

YES

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

everyone regrets somethimg

103. Can you spell well?

not really

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

not really

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

one time i went to a bonfire party and got so drunk i lost my shoes

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

idk probably

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes!!

108. What should you be doing?

noothing

109. Is something irritating you right now?

gfufu

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

111. Do you have trust issues?

yeah

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

****

113. What was your childhood nickname?

shy

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yes!!!

115. Do you play the Wii?

its 2017

116. Are you listening to music right now?

sia!!!

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

only tge real stuff the stuff in those packets is garbage

118. Do you like Chinese food?

doesnt everyone

119. Favourite book?

idk harry potter or somethimg

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

121. Are you mean?

i dont think so but mean lesbian is my brand so i guess

122. Is cheating ever okay?

NO the fuck

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

i dont own white shoes for that reason

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

not really??

125. Do you believe in true love?

maybe!!!

126. Are you currently bored?

im answering 150 fyckin questions what do u think

127. What makes you happy?

cats!!!!!!

128. Would you change your name?

literally to Shy

129. What your zodiac sign?

libra

130. Do you like subway?

like the restaurant? yeah

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

i am not friends with a single man

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

still river

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

idk man

134. Can you count to one million?

theoretically

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

idk i cant think of any

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

open so the cats can get in!

137. How tall are you?

4′11

138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have straight hair but curly hair is so pretty

139. Brunette or Blonde?

brunettes

140. Summer or Winter?

SUMMER

141. Night or Day?

night time

142. Favourite month?

may

143. Are you a vegetarian?

as much as i can be, but im broke and ill eat food

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

dark!!!!!!!!!!!!

145. Tea or Coffee?

COFFEE

146. Was today a good day?

i think so!!

147. Mars or Snickers?

neither tbh

148. What’s your favourite quote?

‘im gay’ - me

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

i dont know!!!

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line

there is not a book anywhere near me tbh

#to-andromeda

3 notes · View notes

justthatbitch90210-blog · 7 years

Text

PART 5 📌📌📌📌📌

I remember the first time being sexually harassed at work I was blank. I didnt even talk. I didn't want to yell. I don't know why. I told no one. Maybe because I knew they saw me as a piece of meat therefore something was bound to happen. I just put my clothes back on & continued my shift in discomfort. Later that night I did cry. I cried my little heart out. I'm still only a teenager. I deal with a lot, I see a lot. And doesn't it suck that when you go to work, to make some money for yourself and your family that you A. Don't know if your about to be abused at today's shift B. Lose all your confidence or worst is C. If you'll ever even make it home or leave the club alive cause the risk of dying on the job is higher than you think. These are real realities that women like me don't speak on. So please, Before you get to judging about how Becky with the good hair, Laura, Sarah &Christiana were the perrfect lovely respectable wifey type girls for u & then wonder why I can't be that type of girl .. well Of course they're nothing like me because 1. Theyre not black (which means they already have a systematic priveledge to act better & do better in life than me.) 2. Theyve never been abused or sexually abused 3. They work regular shmegular jobs! They don't work one of Australia's hardest female professions in a demanding sex industry. They don't have not a rough bone in their body. They don't carry the pain, trauma, stress & paranoia I do. They get to live a normal girls life! Don't you think I'd be the perfect angel had I had a good history with men All the above mentioned isn't even half of what I been thru or the influence of men in my life. This isn't even the half! My relationships today are a result of my past relationships. I’ve always felt the need to ruin my relationships with men before it ruins me so to speak because every relation I have had has never lasted nor been forfilling to me. & so I go along and I treat males ordinary, I can cheat, I lie, Im rude, I can be disloyal when I want, I'm manipulative, I use men & I talk to a couple of males at once. But truth is I don't like being and doing those things. I just get scared & feel like I have to, especially if u havnt always been that good to me. I don't want to be yelled at, physically hit, called hurtful names, sexually abused or cheated on again. So I've built this huge wall again & anytime love tries to crawl over to my side 9 times out of 10 I send them back. And I'm mad! I'm mad that nobody takes the time to find out why I treat men badly and why I suck at being in a relationship. But at the same time I just need 1 person to break this cycle and this wall. Men that I date today don't realise I'm still affected by my past with other men from yesterday. I’m needy, I’m affectionate when I want to be, I’m kind & I have the ability to love. I have the ability to be a good girlfriend, fiancé, wife, mother. I know I can I can't even say I miss being a kid cause there's not a point in my life where a man hasn't affected me.

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