#like the whole meme of the the dog with the ball 'no reason just anxiety'

[theladyyavilee]

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[shititbe]

Anyway, HSM2 is about internalized homophobia, and no one can tell me otherwise.

High School Musical is one of the most beloved franchises in the world. Teenagers all over the world grew up watching Troy and Gabriella harmonize together. Three movies, and nearly a decade later it’s still beloved by all. The first film easily forgotten in the ashes of the early 2000’s, the third film stuck in a purgatorial limbo of the rather unfortunate late 2000’s. The second film on the other hand sticks out between the ruckus. 

The second High School Musical film takes place at Sharpay and Ryan’s family country club, during the summer between junior and senior year. The Wildcats are working summer jobs on the country club, often forced to the beck and call of Ryan and Sharpay themselves. Sharpay uses all her prestige to help Troy with college instead of starting at the bottom ( or rather, in the kitchen washing dishes) with his friends. In the time she’s helping Troy, she is also pushing her brother away; replacing him with Troy in their musical number for the talent show, and refusing to hang out with him in preference for Troy. Ryan becomes vengeful to his twin and starts hanging around the Wildcats in the kitchen. At first, he was met with some distasteful looks and words (most of which from Chad). With the help of Kelsey, and her neutral party, Ryan fits in smoothly with the other teenagers, eventually giving the WildCats all dance lessons.

 Throughout the movie, the main conflict continues to be the internal conflict of Troy Bolton. He debates over and over again if he should go through with Sharpay’s shenanigans, or if he wants to “listen to my own heart.”  This of course involves Gabriella, as she is Troy’s love interest. She’s not in the second film except for the beginning, then, where she leaves in the middle of the film - in order to create angst for Troy - then when she shows up again in the finally to sing/rejoin Troy. 

The conflict in the second film  is the combining of Troy’s two worlds. His first - his main world in the first movie, that hence became his secondary world - which is represented by Chad. Then his secondary world - which becomes his main world in this movie - which is represented by Ryan. Chad represents Troy’s masculinity, or his more idealized version of himself. Ryan represents Troy’s femininity or his current version of reality. These two worlds collide in the iconic song “I don’t dance”.  

Since this movie - and hence this scene - came out in the early 2000’s, a lot of the innuendoes went over people's heads. Luckily, as the children who watched this movie grew older and more experienced, and the world became more accepting, we’re able to see this song for what it is. 

Before getting into the lore and symbolism of the iconic “I Don’t Dance” sequence, context is needed. For most of human history, homosexuality was seen as a sin in all places except ancient times (see: Greece and Japan). The modern age is the most accepting on all fronts, such as sexual orientation, race, and religion. In the early 2000’s, High School Musical director Kenny Ortega was not publicialy out yet. He wouldn’t be till 2014. 

Originally, while writing this, my first thought was  that Kenny - the director - would be using Troy as a y/n type character to project his insecurities and struggles with masculinity, and what that means in defining his orientation and societal views that would be placed upon him. Then, it came to me later that this is in fact not the case, Troy (and Gabriella - who is in fact a y/n character for the female audience) is more of a character for a man of his time, confused with his own ideals of masculinity and the views of society because, “oh god, I can’t like theater/drama because only queer people and girls like it!” The second point is pushed further with the Troy and Sharpay sub-plot. Sharpay tries to further Troy’s career as a basketball player, though that’s not what he wants anymore, and Troy is no longer sure if that is what he ever wanted to begin with (enter the song “Bet on it” and the hilarious meme “no dad, I’m giving up on your dream”). 

Keeping these things in mind - Kenney’s queerness, and Troy’s struggle to realize you can in fact sing and be a heterosexual, wow, revolutionary - it became clear to me that Kenney’s y/n characters were Ryan and Chad. 

For those who aren’t into the arts, or find them too difficult after a singular attempt thinking they could write a world class novel on the first go, let me be the first to tell you every author has a y/n character. First, for those who don’t know what y/n stands for, it’s a popular fanfiction trope where a writer will write a story about a character dating, being friends, and so on, with the reader. The y/n stands for “your name” so anyone can be the main character in this story at any time. For a writer of mainstream fictional work, such as High School Musical, Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, even most comics. Now, most writers or directors aren’t going to be as obvious as having a character not named (or named y/n) or even named Jane (looking at you Jane Austin), the y/n character of many mainstream authors/directors/comic artists and so on is usually the character they feel or have given the most attributes similar to themselves. 

It’s the same reason people have favourite characters. You see a fictional character and you either 1. Want to Bob the Builder them, 2. Some sort of weird sex thing, or 3. See more/the most of yourself in this character. Number three - thankfully - is usually the main reason. Some people just create their own favourite characters. An even easier way to think about this, is just projection baby, that’s psych 101.   

Before I went off on a small tangent of fictional works and how human emotion plays into creating them (except anything Disney has made in the past decade, and no you can’t change my mind on that) I mentioned that Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s y/n characters. As a queer person myself, it’s clear for me to see the different struggles each of these characters face and how these reflect the queer experience. 

So, let’s finally get into it. 

Ryan, without it being explicitly said is clearly a character of what people in the early 2000s think a gay man is. He is effeminate, wearing bright coloured outfits with lots of accessories - namely his signature hats - he is also in the theater department doing musicals, and passive/subservient to any of his twin sisters' wills. Yes, now we know gay men aren’t just feminized men, but in the early 2000’s a gay man who can do "masculine" things like change their car oil, like sports, and so on, break the "effeminate" stereotype thus confused many cishet people. Sharpay is painted as more confident - or, for sake of comparability - masculine to her twin in the first movie, and most of the second movie. Making Ryan a bit of her dog who would do anything to get by - painting Ryan as lesser than human, once more, playing into the homophobia of the early 2000's.     

Despite the clear stereotypes playing into his character, Ryan is consistently one of the most confident characters in the movie. The other, being his sister of course. This confidence in himself is what gravitates the other characters towards him, either by being intimidated (Troy, thinking Ryan and Gabriella were a thing), or admiration (Chad, by the end of “I don’t dance”). 

Chad, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game. While he is confident in the first movie, and the first portion of the second movie, he begins to break more and more when Ryan becomes a more integral part of the Wildcat group. To keep in mind, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste for Troy’s artistic past-time. When the other Wildcats join Ryan and begin learning how to dance for the talent show at the end of the movie, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste. The baseball game where “I don’t dance” takes place, is the climax of Chad’s arc and his turn towards acceptance to Ryan/Troy’s hobbies. 

Of course, there is more to the “I don’t dance” sequence than just Chad’s realization - the exact one Troy comes to terms with in the second movie as well - of “oh my god I don’t have to be gay to enjoy stereotypical ‘feminine’ things.” That is the main part of the song though, that and all the sexual tension. 

Going back to what I’ve stated previously, Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s projection or y/n characters. Let me do a small recap before we get into the nitty gritty of the famous “I don’t dance” video. 

Thinking back to the first few paragraphs, I stated that Kenney wasn’t publicly out till 2014, about 7 years after the second movie came out. This could be due to the fact that a) it’s the early 2000’s and everyones still very homophobic, or b) self-doubt that comes with the queer experience. The most likely reason is a mixture of both of these. Because of this, Ryan is the more self-assured version, or idealized version of Kenney that he wants to be. Ryan is confident, never being swayed about his lifestyle (could be read as: sexuality) even though Chad - and most of the wildcats in the first movie - put him through relentless “teasing” and humiliation. He’s confident, almost to a fault, he’s sure of himself, and yet still reaches out a hand to Chad and the other wildcats to show them that they’re just being, kinda dick-ish. 

Every queer person wants to be Ryan. Despite his heavily stereotyped characterization, I personally believe he is one of the stronger written characters in the movies, mainly due to Kenney putting the time in to really make Ryan feel like a real person, to give himself some sort of relief of his own anxieties, a chance to see the world through a person who truly has no fear. Unlike Kenney himself. 

This is where Chad comes in. 

Chad is seen as “confident” in the first movie, the second Troy “leaves” basketball though, all that confidence comes crashing down. His best friend has another hobby - one he thinks is “not right” (it’s okay, you can say gay), - they wont be spending all their time together (first, can you say dependent relationship much, yikes).Chad’s defining characteristic up until their fight that instigate act three of the second movie, is being Troy’s best friend. I’m going to take this as if this were truly the case, and not a decently written character arch. Some people base themselves around their friends and their whole identity on being a friend, that they lose sight of themselves, this mainly in high school of course, when your whole world is really nothing but school, and friends. Newly developed independence is there, but that’s scary, so instead of worrying about the future, cling to something that’s reliable. I’ve seen this happen, mainly at the end of high school, when the “real world” is coming a bit too close for comfort. This could generally be the case if a person is lonely, but for timeline sake I’m going to say Chad has got some anxiety about graduating (considering the second movie takes place the summer of junior year). 

His lashing out at Troy’s hobbies and at Troy’s neglectful friendship, make more sense with that background, and are seen more in the second movie where Troy begins spending all his spare time with Sharpay (trying to collect that BAG!). Chad - and others (read: father) - insists that music is not a feasible career option, and Troy should just stick with basketball (like...that is a feasible career option). The tension Chad creates in the studio only grows when the other wildcats decide to take up Ryan’s offer for dance lessons and move from the kitchen, to helping out with the talent show. (Next essay idea: how high school musical two was really about class all along, cause Jesus). 

 Chad is the less obvious option for a y/n character. Though again, the 2000’s were not as cool people like to pretend they are. Chad - for Kenney - represents what he actually feels, this fear of being rejected for how he is and how he chooses to live his life/lifestyle, so he sticks to something reliable. Ryan is new, and exciting, and confident in a way that Kenney/Chad wish they could be, but in order for that to happen they need to understand that maybe people are complex creatures, and can enjoy multiple hobbies (aka: the same lesson Troy is teaching the viewers, but far less boring). But, for Kenney/Chad facing that thought and that realization is scary, and thus, they lash out at anyone (read this paragraph as: Chad mad jealous of Ryan cause Ryan bomb as fuck). 

All this build up, finally comes ahead in the employee baseball match 

                                                       ******

The baseball game is probably the most memorable scene in the whole High School Musical franchise (minus Sharpay’s “Fabulous” solo, but that’s also from the same movie, and it’s kinda rude to give what’s already the best more points); the tension in the scene, and what it implies makes it the best written segment of all three movies, let alone the most entertaining. 

Some things to keep in mind from our background information: Chad is missing his bestie and struggling with what being “masculine” really means for him and others. Ryan of course makes this confusing, because the traditional method is being thrown out the window. In short, Chad has internalized homophobia, and Ryan being open - or as open as Disney would let him - is causing all sorts of problems. 

Despite the song, “I don’t dance” being logged into our collective skulls for all eternity (you’re probably humming it right now, sorry about that), the very brief interaction of Ryan and Chad before the game is lost on the public consciousness. The two are clearly comfortable with each other, though the distaste seems to be on Chad’s side more than Ryans. So, the two start playfully jabbing at each other before deciding to do a bat toss to see who will be in the outfield first. 

Before they begin the bat toss, Ryan says “You don’t think dancing takes some game?” Chad then very clearly checks him out, doing a simple but effective ‘drag-your-eyes-over-them-top-to-bottom-then-smile’ and says “you got game?” (Seen in gif below) 

I don’t know how much you know about sex metaphors and how many of those baseball has in it (seriously though, it’s a lot), but with the bat toss, Ryan’s hand ended up on top, and Chad’s under Ryan’s. Let’s ignore this for now, it’ll be implied again later. Ryan’s team starts out in the outfield because he won the bat toss, and hence, the song officially starts. 

The first lyrics (ignoring the chores of “hey batter batter, hey batter batter, swing”) is 

I'll show you that it's one and the same

Baseball, dancing, same game

It's easy

Step up to the place, start swingin  

This part is sung by Ryan, who is taunting Chad out in the outfield. Before the game, as stated, Chad was taunting Ryan about his lack of “game” (both sexual and not sexual metaphor are implied), and now, Ryan has turned those tables around. Baseball - is seen as more masculine than dancing, not as masculine as football or basketball, but it’s up there. Chad is someone who cares about his masculinity, enough to the point that Ryan playing baseball makes him loose his mind. Makes him question his own personal definition of masculinity, if you will. 

Ryan says, “baseball, dancing, same game,” impyling that, to him, baseball and dancing are one and the same. That is baffling to Chad, cause well, how can something meant for girls even be close to something meant for boys. 

Chad comes back with: 

 I wanna play ball now, and that's all

This is what I do

It ain't no dance that you can show me, yeah

This only proves my previous point. 

I had a conversation with myself about this, and I’ve decided not to include it in this essay, but a second essay may or may not be possible. Basically the premise - the dancing/”musical” moments of High School Musical are conjured up images by those meant to see them (ie: like a visual hallucination, but, not really) but this scene kinda poo-poos that idea. 

Now, the thing I am talking about is Ryan and Chad’s  peacocking at each other during the time they sing these lyrics. The movements they’re making could be mistaken for dancing - as we automatically assume it is because of the title and themes of the movie - or it could be them just getting ready for the baseball game. Ryan swings his leg over the pitcher's mound, tossing the ball up and down into his glove, making wavy hand gestures, etc. Chad brushes off his gloves, swings his legs, hits the bat on each foot, and so on. 

For the peacocking, Chad makes a mock of the ballerina foot stance before strutting over to the home plate. Ryan laughs at this, which earns quite the smirk from Chad himself (see gif below). 

This is when it becomes a conversation.   

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch

Come on - Ch

When Chad says “Come on” it’s when Ryan throws the baseball at him, starting the game, and giving Chad’s team their first strike of the game (get it, it’s funny). Now, obviously we need to talk about the “there’s just one little thing that stops me every time.” As a queer person, I assure you, two of the things that kept me from living my Best Life were 1) my own ignorance of what asexuality was and 2) the fear that everyone I love would hate me for who I am, and what I have no control over. 

Sorry to get deep like that on main, but, can any other queer person say different? Obviously, your first point may differ, but my point still stands. In the video/scene there is a very short moment (to which I have condensed into a gif for you all, you’re welcome, and I’m sorry about the quality in advance), of the camera moving over to Chad’s team (or his friends in this case since it’s an employee baseball game) as he says this line (gif below). 

I will not be explaining the use of subtly in this essay, but I’m sure you get the metaphor Kenney is trying to use. If not, let me spell it out for you in very simple words. This song has a lot of sexual innuendos (as mentioned pervious with the baseball bat scene and still, more to come), with that in mind, and clearly queer themes at play (as mentioned before, again), this scene only shows Chad isn’t as straight as he leads on. His fear/phobia of Ryan/the arts come from a much deeper place. 

In shorter, and much simpler terms: Chad queer. 

But, let’s get back to the boy's conversation. 

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R 

Not a chance, no - Ch 

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R 

Translation: “If I can do this weird, sweaty, dirty, Male thing without blowing a fuse, you can and should be able to dance just fine.” 

But I don't dance - Ch 

Hit it out of the park - Both 

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both

I don't dance, no - Ch  (This is just the chores, you’ll see it multiple times throughout the essay, I just figured if the song is going to be in your head, go all the way right). 

Two-steppin, now you're up to bat - R

Bases loaded, do your dance - R 

Here we are with the baseball metaphors you’ve all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen. Girls, gays, and non-binary pals. For those who have somehow managed a sheltered existence with access to the internet, lemme help you. Ryan is talking about “loaded bases” both in the context of the game (where it shows each base has one person from Chad’s team on them) and in the term of sex. While you go out there dating - while it’s mostly douche bags and people using it ironically - your nosey friends may ask you how far you got. 

“First, second, or third base?” They may ask. Or something like, “oh wow, did you get to home plate/base?” These are simply the rankings of the stages of a sexual relationship. First - kissing, sometimes just handholding, Second - making out, some light groping, Third - full on groping, no clothes come off, but it gets close. While each person has different boundaries, these are the general accepted definitions for the bases. 

Home base is obviously full blown sexual intercourse. Since Chad has his “bases loaded” it means he’s done all these things before, just never gone completely to sexual intercourse with someone - in the terms of the song and the history we’ve already established, it’s most likely a male character. This is only proven by Chad’s uncomfortable nature towards Ryan (internalized Homophobia, thank you, returning theme) but his easy, and cocky personality towards everyone else. “bUt thAt DoEsnT pRovE” hush, that’s the final cherry on top. Remember this conversation. 

It's easy - R  

Again. Previous points have been made.  

Take your best shot, just hit it - Ch 

I've got what it takes, playin my game - Ch

So you better spin that pitch - Ch 

You're gonna throw me, yeah - Ch 

I'll show you how I swing - Ch

Ah, the famous “I’ll show you how i swing” a very strong baseball metaphor for everyone. Keeps queer people from defining themselves to dangerous (straight) people, and, well, that’s it actually. This term is mostly used by bi/pan people, though if you want to stay in the closet or are in a dangerous place, it is also used to subtly tell other queer people you are in fact, not straight. My favourite is when this term came into play when President Buchanan got elected in 1856 (for those that don’t know, he’s the first and only gay president). 

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R 

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch 

This is again, the same lyric as before it doesn’t pan, and the tone is much different. The camera stays on Chad as he says this line, meaning he’s reflecting, he is now his own problem, the person that is keeping him back. His friends are not on his mind anymore, which is good, Ryan’s Gay Propaganda has been working. 

Come on - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R

Not a chance, no, no - Ch

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R

But I don't dance - Ch

Hit it out of the park - R

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh no - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both 

I don't dance, no - Ch

Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance - R

Swing it out, spin around, do the dance - R

I wanna play ball, not dance hall - Ch

I'm makin a triple, not a curtain cal - Chl

I can prove it to you til you know it's true - R

'Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too - R

You're talkin a lot, show me what you got - Ch

Again, like the beginning of this song, this is a heavy base for flirting and sexual tension, which this song is drowning in. 

Stop swinging - both

Hey - both

This is the part where they all start a flash mob in the middle of the baseball diamond. Again, alluding to the conversation I had to myself earlier, this only proves my own theory as no one takes notice of this. But, that’s not this essay, this is where I mention how close Chad and Ryan are at the end of the group dance.  

Come on, swing it like this - both

Oh, swing - both

Jitterbug, just like that - both

That's what I mean, that's how you swing - both

You make a good pitch but I don't believe - both 

Here is yet another (and the final) sexual innuendo. This is actually a rather quick one. Pitching in queer culture is considered the person who tops (because queer people even had to straight-ify their sex lives to “top” and “bottom”), this is the person who is giving, if you know what I’m saying. 

I say you can - R

I know I can't - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

You can do it - R

I don't dance, no - Ch 

 Here is where that mosh pit ends, and how they get a little too close to comfort. 

Nothing to it, atta boy, atta boy, yeah - both

The rest of this song is simply a mash-up of the baseball game being finished, and this lovely gem. 

Now, clearly, Chad’s self conscious nature towards his sexuality is gone, he’s sitting close - if not squishing - Ryan, and talking to him like they’ve been friends forever. Take note of the change of close, most likely due to all the tension at the end of the song, and maybe a little of Chad’s own natural human curiosity built in. Now, I leave you with this note: 

If there is anything that confirms all this more, its Chad’s girlfriend wearing the pride colours. 

Also note: this could also be seen as a friend helping his bro discover his sexuality and fighting internalized homophobia, but, that’s ignoring the sexual tension, so go off I guess. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.  

Watch the full thing here

[mishkakagehishka]

What is blackstar theatre starlesss help holy shit why are all these guys so hot how do i get in on this lmao

HIIIIIIIIIIIII okay hold on i myself am still somewhat new to this (well, i remember halloween 2021 as the first event i was playing during), but let me give you the basics. Very long text ahead.

Before I start yapping about the gameplay, I'll tell you about the characters, the storyline and the music (to the best of my understanding anyway) - [nicki minaj meme] so there's this Theater. Starless is, like, a show restaurant. You come in, you grab a meal, you watch some guys sing, you have a good time, right? There's currently 5 teams: K, W, P, C and B. There were only 3 in the beginning, but certain characters branched out of K/W/P and formed their own teams, which were C and B. Now, the story itself is a bit... dark? I suppose you could say. You play as Saki (you can change her name ofc) and, right from the start, you're being chased by some weirdos;;; but Kei (the top of Team K) saves you just in time and - whoops! Turns out you know eachother. Freaky, right? Saki doesn't remember him, though, from what I understood, but listening to one of their songs made her faint, and basically now she has to be protected by these guys at Starless because dangerous stuff's been happening. It's quite... convoluted, there's speculations of human experimentation from what I've read - but yeah. There's also the whole "all of the former owners of Starless went missing" thing, and the Black Card business, there's a lot of intrigue to it. It makes me wish I was better at Japanese so reading a single chapter doesn't have to be a full-day job! The whole game's got a mature feel to it, so it's not really an "idol game" imo - there's not even much emphasis on the power of friendship or hard work as with most other idol-raising games. Despite being teams, most of them have deep rivalries between eachother, not to mention the drama that happens between members of different teams. Some outright hate one another. Plus, the characters are all older and, well, more mature. The youngest one, I believe, was born in 2001, but most seem to be late 80s-90s (and, yeah, instead of just a birthday, they have full DOBs, so they age up each year lol). Also, for some reason, so many of them just have their tits out on full display most of the time. The outfits are... well, like the story, they sure are mature. They'll get pneumonia, but it's eye candy, I suppose lmao anyway the event stories are also really fun to read and, though it's not otome, there are a lot of interactions with certain characters that will make you go🥰🥰 - though a majority will be from Kei and Heath since the two (seem to be) childhood friends of Saki's. That said, you can absolutely swoon over any of the characters, trust me. I believe Otome Ayui on YouTube translated a chunk of the main story and some event stories, but otherwise, if you don't know Japanese, you'll probably have to make do with computer translations or a dictionary since I, personally, haven't found any other translations. It's so worth it, though.

As for the teams, as I said before, currently we have five. I'll also say something about the characters, but I think it'll be obvious who my faves are lmao anyway, you've got Team K (from the top, clockwise: Kei, Yoshino, Yakou, Ginsei, Gui, Sotetsu), Kei is like the main main guy, he cares a lot for Saki and wants to protect her. Ginsei is really loyal to him, it's a bit cute to watch. Gui is who's interesting to me in Team K - he's pretty stoic and emotionless, but he keeps mentioning waiting for someone he calls "Master". Yakou used to be in Team P, but quit, and then returned after finishing university, he gives me a cute genki vibe. Yoshino is a bit of a ball of anxiety, he's cute, but timid. Sotetsu is the lone wolf, but he can be quite bold with Saki at times.

Team W (Kokuyou, Akira, Taiga, Sin, Takami). Kokuyou's got these dog tags on him that I'm pretty sure say "Chiaki" on them, but that's for another day. He's a bit scary and has some anger issues but <333 lol Akira is the token flirt of Team W, he's a little shameless, but has said once that Saki is "special" to him so? Anyway. I can't say much about Taiga because he speaks in such heavy slang I can barely keep up, but I guess the fact that he speaks in a lot of slang is also something that tells about a character. He's an IT nerd who's physically weak, though, I've figured that out. Sin is like the gentle giant, he's huge, but really intelligent. He speaks in, I can't even say in riddles, it sounds more like prophecies. It's odd, but he can really make pretty words flow. Takami is the reliant big brother type, and he has acted in musicals before, though I don't really trust him, somehow his way of speaking evokes trustworthiness a little too much, ironically. Maybe that's just my bias against bespectacled anime characters, though.

Team P (Rindou, Menou, Nekome, Ginsei (yes, again), Sinju, Maica). Rindou and Sinju used to be idols before joining Starless. Yakou was actually in Sinju's idol group, but they have some beef now. Rindou is pretty mild-mannered, responsible and gentle, he even speaks formally, to the point that, when he's introduced around the same time as characters like Kokuyou and Mizuki, it almost makes you feel like he doesn't belong. Menou is the token always-sleepy character, he speaks so cutely because of it, though. A scene that is locked into my memory is, during Team B's onsen event, apparently they just found him sleeping in their hotel room lololol but he becomes a completely different person on stage with how well he dances and acts. Nekome is Taiga's older brother, he basically raised him on his own. He was one of the first members of Starless, but he ran away and was considered missing at one point. Apparently he regrets that, but I don't trust him, either. Sinju is the really genki character, he's full of energy and just <3 so cute <3, he respects Rindou a lot and is really hard-working. Maica is the tsundere here, but seeing him blush is so worth every single one of his harsh words. He's really pretty, but hates being judged on appearance and hates being told he looks like a girl.

Team C (Mokuren, Zakuro, Kasumi, Hari, Qu) - I want to note this here, all of the characters (to my knowledge) are men, except for Mokuren. In their introduction video, their gender was listed as "unknown" so I (and I believe I've seen others) use they/them for Mokuren. Anyway, they consider dancing the essence of their life. Though their profile says they show no interest in anything other than dance, their hobby is listed as "eating" and, let me tell you, can Mokuren eat. Zakuro's way of speaking is absolutely amazing, he's always dropping "oya oya"s and dramatic phrases. Listening to him talk is wonderful, but I don't trust a word he says. He's definitely hiding something behind that JoJo pose. Kasumi mostly keeps to the background, he prefers not being seen and is actually really good at hiding his energy that he often scares people when he starts talking lol he calls himself a "mob" (like a faceless side-character), and seems to prefer it that way. I don't know much about Hari, but he seems like the cool type, a bit of a jack of all trades. And Qu - he's the fashion and make-up loving type. He used to work as a drag queen, which isn't something you often see in media like this so it stuck out to me.

Team B (Mizuki, Heath, Kongou, Ran, Lico). Mizuki is like. A wild dog. He had a rough childhood and a lot of street smarts, but not much regular smarts. He's also a bit of a tsundere, but there's a good heart in him, I believe. Always down to fight. It's really funny hearing him go wild, his voice is sorta higher-pitched, so it's entertaining. Heath is the token sickly character, he has lung issues, I think? Coughed up blood once. Heath is really attached to music and doesn't like others singing the songs he wrote. Because he tends to push himself, the others scold him sometimes. He also does tarot! I think he's faded out here because he's still in the hospital (IIRC in a recent event he mentioned having to go to surgery soon). Kongou is possibly the closest thing Team B has to a responsible adult. He looks scary, but is actually a pacifist and has a calm vibe about him. That said, he did use to be a wrestler. He's a chef now, though :) Ran is like. I wouldn't call him a problem child, but there's a reason why his tagline is "No.1 energetic brat", he's very energetic, and has quite the shark-toothed grin when feeling violent. Always down to fight pt.2. Then there's Lico - he used to work as a host and he's so full of himself. Also quite flirty with Saki. That said, surprisingly enough, it's often him (and Kongou) who ends up as the voice of reason. You know the situation is dire just by that.

Then you also have the current owner, Haseyama, and the only staff member who, because of that, gets called Unei (literally "management"). Haseyama gives me some. Weird vibes, but not in a bad way. He's trying to convert Starless into a host club, though. Unei is just a poor little meow meow, timid and overworked. Save him. Get him out of there. The two also formed their own teams for April Fools' and the songs were actually. so good. But still, someone save Unei.

If you ask me to describe the genres of the music, it's very... far from what you'd expect in an anime boy rhythm game. I'd call Team K's as maybe close to visual kei? Kind of rock-y. Their vocalists are Kei (Ray Fujita), Yoshino (Tomoki Saito/Academic BANANA) and Yakou (Matsumoto Akito/Shinku Horou). Then, Team W definitely gives me more rock, maybe even alternative rock vibes. They've got come cool guy stuff going on, the music goes hard. Their singer is Akira (Kobayashi Taro). Team P are the ones you'll like if you like usual idol stuff, their songs give off a more pop-hearty vibe, and I'm assuming that's bc a few of their members actually are former idols, in-game. Their singers are Sinju (Stungun), Maica (Kradness) and Rindou (Ajikko). Team C is the gender team, they're so aesthetic. I have no idea what their genre is, but, whatever it is, it slaps. Kinda gives me club by the beach on a summer night vibes, but specifically those "clubs" that are actually half in the open. Their singer is Zakuro (Shakemii). And Team B, my personal faves🥰, are a hip-hop/rap team. Their songs go so hard. Their MC is Heath (Takuya IDE).

Most of the songs are based on works of literature (because it's a show restaurant, right?), which is also really fun, and an especially good ego boost when you figure out what the song is based on purely through the references in the song itself (though if you play the game, the loading screen for the song will give you a summary). I'll link each Team's first-uploaded song and my personal fave, just for diversity's sake and to get a feel for them - I believe the first song is always important to hear. So Team K's first - During the demise (sung by Kei, one of the main themes alongside W's BLACKSTAR, based on Lohengrin), and my personal fave - The Final Problem (sung by Yoshino, based on Sherlock Holmes/The Final Problem). Team W's first - Breakin' it faster (based on Romeo and Juliet), my fave - Out in Out (not based around a text, but around the Battle of Thermopylae). P - 虹の彼方へ (sung by Maica, based on the Wizard of Oz), 一雫の秘密 (sung by Maica and Rindou, based on The Turn of the Screw). C - Purple Dawn (based on the Ode to Joy), 暁の願い (based on Tenshu Monogatari). B - 日蝕 (based on Macbeth), 駄犬 (not based on anything; a diss track/"We went crazy" track lol)

Now as for the game itself, first of all, in my humble opinion, it's one of the best mobile rhythm games out there. The whole game is vertical instead of horizontal, so even the rhythm part is like that, but it's really fun. There's three difficulties, normal, hard and advanced. Normal and hard are unlocked from the start for every song, but to get advanced you need to get a full-combo on hard mode. The beatmaps on advanced mode often make little shapes, like in the new year 2021 song the ending, when the singer says "happy new year", forms the number 2-0-2-1, or, in a different song, the word "mikadzuki" (crescent moon) forms a crescent-moon-like long note, or in yet another song, during the words "Team K", the long notes form a K. It's just really fun, it's not too difficult (though some songs... beware the lvl>30 songs), but it's fun. Most of the difficulty comes in speed changing, so it's important that you know the song well when playing on the highest difficulty. As with other mobile games, it's important to have a good roster. There are songs that limit what characters you can use, but the first roster (オススメ) will automatically choose your best cards for a song, and the second one (スタメン) chooses the original members of the song in their original line-up. I don't even use the other rosters as I mostly just play with the first one, the second one if a daily challenge requires it. Cards range from 1* to 5*, and the 10pull in a gacha gives you a guaranteed 4*, and the featured cards for an event are always 4*. While I haven't gotten many 5* in the gacha, I still have a lot, and I'll talk about that in the event section, trust me, you'll love it. Anyway, asides from the rhythm part (the Performance), you have "rehearsal" where you can choose a song, a team for the song and have them "rehearse" - this boosts intimacy (unlocks stories and badges), as well as levels that character's level for the song. The higher the level, the less misses you'll get during autoplay - which is good for event songs so you don't have to grind too much. Rehearsals also help you level your heroine level, which will fully replenish your torepo and chikepo, so it's also useful to spam rehearsals during events. Torepo is what you need for rehearsals and you get a bigger maximum with each level-up, while chikepo are always maximum 5 and you use them to do Performances. You can't play without them, but they replenish really fast (1 every 20 minutes). You can boost your final score by "betting" chips on any of your top3 characters at the end of a Performance, but I suggest keeping the chips for event challenges. (And also, the chips multiply the scores instead of adding a set amount, so best to bet on the 1st one) There's also heroine status, where you basically compete with others to be the most active player, each rank gives you better rewards. Imo, B and S are the best (SS is the best, but a bit;;;; difficult to get), as B gives you chips as rewards, and S gives you torepo replenishing items. SS gives you chikepo replenishers tho.

You also have daily challenges: every day you get two songs with three challenges each. You don't have to finish them all in one day, though, you actually have 25 days to complete them, but every day you get two more, so it's best to be up to date with them. The challenges are usually something like "play x times", "get x score" (or the harder "get x score with スタメン", "get x score with y member", or the easier "get x total score"), "get a combo of x" or "get less than x misses" or "get more than x perfects". For each challenge you get some items (which can also be the premium currency, Dia!), and a challenge point which you can exchange for skill-up items, 5* cards, level-up items, 4* or 5* guarantee gacha tickets.

Secondly the events, they come at you pretty quick (at least imo but then again i'm also juggling three other mobage with bsts, so i'm stretched a bit thin), so there's new content very frequently, and here's my fave part about this game: the event 5* are ridiculously easy to get. The current event card is a 4*, but last event was a 5* and let me tell you, I logged in, I played the event song like. Seven times, got the card. Of course, if you want to skill it up completely, you gotta work your ass off to get all the copies, but I'm saying, if your goal is to just get it... (plus you can still skill them up without the actual copy of the same card, as I said - you can get skill-up items in the challenge point shop, and now you can exchange puzzle pieces you get when exchanging 3* and above cards for a skill-up item). All events give you event points, but some also give flags. Events with only event points will have the first copy of the card relatively low, so it's best to play the event song with 2 chikepo at once, but if it's a flag event, the event card will be easier to get on the flag portion. Since playing on 2 chikepo only doubles event points, it's a bit more grindy, but still possible without spending Dia - though it is faster if you at least get and level some of the featured event 4* (or even the 3*) in the gacha as they boost the amount of points and flags you get. For flag events, it's also best to use the third roster (イベント特効). You don't even have to have too high level cards, the Team B onsen event was one of the first ones I was here for, when I barely knew how to play, and I still managed 2 copies of the Ran 5*. The event songs will also have challenges - similarly to daily challenges. They'll range from "play with a rehearsal level of x or above" to "get a total of x score" or "get an x score total", sometimes "bet x chips". With each challenge, you'll unlock a story part (and reading each event story part gives you premium currency). The event songs will later be played with the reminiscence tickets on the reminiscence tab of the performance screen - these tickets are easy to collect, and you can use them to replay songs, unlock story parts you haven't and get level-up items if you want to further level an event card. Also, during events, on the event screen you'll be able to access the eeru store (eeru being the non-premium currency), it has a lot of stuff, but imo always go for the Dia and chips, if they're available.

And I think that's about it from what I have to say about BSTS? All in all, it's really fun, the story and characters are gripping, and the songs slap sooo hard. I'm pretty sure I ascended when I first heard each Team B song. I definitely suggest playing it, or at least getting to know the story/characters and listening to the songs. Though it's only available in Japan </3 QooApp thankfully exists lmao

[im-actually-ok]

*Incorrect Sanders Sides Quotes Based on Dialog with my own family and friends Part 3*

——

Logan: I’m just worn out.

Virgil: from what?

Logan: being alive

——

Roman: *laughing* pft

Logan: what?

Roman: just an inside joke.

Logan:*looking around* with who?

Roman:... me

——

Janus: Are your pants on fire? Cuz you just told a lie.

——

Roman: I mean, look, Virgils a pretty chill person.

Virgil:*a literal vibrating ball of anxiety in the corner* Yeah... chill...

——

Janus: I don’t like the poses the guy does in the mirror when I look at it.

——

Roman: dang, her eyebrows are sharp.

Remus: Could cut diamonds sharp or my jawline sharp?

Roman: That’s one and the same.

*Remus and Roman high-five*

——

Logan:*picks petal off flower in vase*

Patton:OH MY GOD YOU KILLED IT!

Logan:*confused* but its already... dead?

Patton: *tearing up* BUT WHY?!?

——

Roman:*picks up orange peel*

Roman: this is nature, right?

Roman:*chucks peel into backyard*

——

Patton: REMUS! What have I said about licking your brother!?

——

Virgil: Remus get your BUTT off me!!!!

——

Remus: Buckle up your buttcheeks cuz it’s about to get real!

——

Janus: sorry Patton, I can’t hang out I still have schoolwork

Patton*leaving the room*:oh, ok.

Janus* swiveling around to face Virgil*: No I don’t, that was a lie! *laughs chaotically*

——

Remus: hey guess what?

Roman: what?

Remus: I’m a buttcheek.

Roman: indeed you are

——

Remus: YOU’RE TERRIBLE!!!

Remus: YOU STINK!!

Remus: YOU’RE A ROTTEN LITTLE FISHY FISH!!

——

Remus: if you were one of the seven deadly sins, you’d be jealousy

Remus: cuz you’re so jealous of my glorious butt cheeks

——

Virgil: I AM A CHILD OF DARKNESS

Virgil: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

——

Remus: hey, hey Janus, hey

Janus: *sigh* what now

Remus: *flips Janus off with a breadstick on their finger*

Janus: you b*tch

——

Logan: you know inside out right?

Logan: so imagine all the facets of my mind all sitting in chairs in a circle in my brain, ok?

Logan: and, like that meme with the dog, the whole place is on fire and it’s just like

Logan: this is fine

——

Roman: *talking to Virgil about Logan* he’s just scary, ya know?

Logan: WHAT?! I AM NOT SCARY!

Roman:...

Roman: you literally just made my point

——

Logan: *for no reason* AAAHHHGGGGG

Logan: AAAAGGGGHHHH

Logan: WWHHHYYYYY

Logan: GOSH

——

Logan: *falls over*

Roman: OMG ur like illiterate

Roman: at life

——

Roman:*singing* 2020 was supposed to be the best year ever!

Roman: but turns out that it f*cking sucked

——

Yep...yep... for part one and two click below!

Part one

Part two

[artificialqueens]

Stake Through the Heart Part 2 (Branjie)- athena2

A/N: So, I finally decided to write a second part to this! You can read part 1 here. Thank you @writworm42 for the idea and for beta-ing! I hope you all enjoy, and I’d really appreciate any feedback you have!

—

Brooke had always liked rules.

She liked knowing exactly what to do in every situation, rules helping silence the anxious buzzing in her mind, calming the fingers that fidgeted when she was unsure of herself.

It was easy to know what was good and what was bad.

And Brooke always wanted to be good.

—

She can only imagine how many rules she’s breaking now, knocking on a vampire’s door, rocking on the balls of her feet and shifting a bouquet of roses from hand to hand.

She hears loud thumps on the other side of the door, followed by a screeching that makes Brooke fear a cat just met its end inside. Maybe this is a bad idea.

“I’m coming, Mary!” Vanessa calls, and Brooke can’t help but smile through her anxiety that this is wrong.

She opens the door, red dress matching the roses, and Brooke doesn’t care how wrong this is. Part of her reasons that Vanessa is good, hasn’t killed any humans and has done nothing to hurt her, and even if this is wrong, Brooke is willing to be wrong the rest of her life to keep this warmth rushing through her, this flutter in her heart.

“Are these for me?” Vanessa yanks the roses out of her hands.

“Oh, um, yeah.”

She tugs Brooke inside to put them in water, and Brooke really wishes she didn���t because the kitchen is so bright and distracting it should come with a motion-sickness warning.

Construction paper spills over the kitchen table, forming a neon-green sea for the collection of LEGO sharks chewing on Totoro playing cards in the center. The Meme Wall is going strong, and this month seems devoted to a Halloween theme, a person in all black with a pumpkin head staring at her. A Burger King cheeseburger wrapper lies crumbled on the counter beside a collection of Taco Bell sauces. Brooke peers closer and sees a sheet of Avatar: The Last Airbender notebook paper entitled “Days Before Silky Throws Out Her Trash”, currently bearing eight tally marks in between images of Appa and Aang.

The screeching resumes from somewhere in the apartment and Brooke instinctively goes for the stake under her black dress, being armed at all times one of the first rules of hunting. She had tried to come here without it, she really had, but she felt too exposed, too unprotected, leaving the house without the weight of it against her thigh.

“It’s okay, Brooke. No one’s in danger,” Vanessa says softly. She crosses to the hall and barks, “Silky, stop singing before you scare my woman away!”

Brooke grins and relaxes her grip. Focus on tonight. Focus on Vanessa.

“Why do you have a vase shaped like a hot dog?” Brooke asks as Vanessa puts the flowers inside.

“Why don’t you have a vase shaped like a hot dog is the real question.”

—

There were all kinds of rules. There were the small rules she followed at home with her parents, like putting her toys away and doing her homework before she played. These rules held when she lived with her grandparents, more strictly enforced and growing to include household chores as she got older.

There were school rules, like staying in line at lunch and being respectful, that Brooke followed so well her teachers always labelled her a pleasure to have in class, a title she got because the mere thought of doing something wrong and getting in trouble made her mouth dry out and her heart race, something the adolescent therapist her grandparents sent her to after her parents died had noticed and discussed with her.

And then, there were the most important rules of all: hunting rules.

—

“Damn, Brooke, you drive slower than my grandmother. And she rode a horse,” Vanessa teases from the passenger seat.

“I follow the speed limit,” Brooke offers in defense.

“I might turn 100 before we get to the restaurant,” she grumbles, but she smiles and eases her hand over Brooke’s thigh.

Brooke thinks of those lips and it’s enough to push down the fear. Her heart is calm as Vanessa strokes her knee.

—

The hunting rules were the most important. Though 8-year-old Brooke might have thought being late on homework (not that she ever was) was a matter of life and death, hunting rules truly were: the difference between killing an undead vampire, or winding up dead yourself.

Don’t ever let them get near your neck. Always carry a weapon. Make sure any civilians are safe before engaging in combat. If you can’t kill, wound. Flee only as a last resort.

Brooke followed all the rules, the Hunters Guild’s top worker. She kept people safe and brought down dangerous vampires.

They told her she was good.

And that was all she ever wanted to be.

—

“It’s so nice that whole ‘vampires can’t have garlic’ thing is bullshit,” Vanessa says as she crunches on her third slice of garlic bread. “I mean, could you even imagine life without garlic bread?”

“I might have to, since you’ve eaten half the loaf already,” Brooke mumbles.

“Hey!”

Brooke just smiles. They talk aimlessly until the food arrives, Vanessa describing all of her roommates in detail and listing their wildest exploits. Stories range from A’keria flashing her fangs at men that bother her, to Yvie walking around in classic vampire garb just to see the reaction, to Silky jumping off a Taco Bell roof just because she could. If it was anyone but Vanessa, Brooke would think it was made-up, but she knows Vanessa isn’t a liar. There’s something about her that Brooke trusts without question, a trust she’s never had with anyone before.

The food settles in front of them, and Brooke can tell the atmosphere is changing to something more serious, her hunter training leaving her sensitive to the slightest difference.

“So, did you always want to be a hunter?” Vanessa asks around a mouthful of meatballs.

Brooke fidgets with her fork. “I mean, I figured I would be eventually, but when I was a kid I wanted…” She smiles wistfully and shakes her head. “It’s dumb.”

“I’ve seen lots of dumb shit in my life, Brooke. Silky attaching our Slip N’ Slide to the roof is definitely in the top five. I don’t think anything about you is dumb.”

Brooke nods. She’s never had anything besides bar pick-ups and one-night stands, never shared much about herself with anyone. She takes a deep breath. “I wanted to design dance costumes.”

Her parents always said she didn’t have to hunt if she didn’t want to, but her family had hunted for generations. Brooke grew up hearing the stories of her family, all the good they did saving people, and she didn’t really see it as an option not to follow in their footsteps. Making ballet costumes was just something to push vampire legends out of her head when she was bored, or when she was tossing and turning in the spare bedroom at her grandparents’ house when her parents were on a hunt, wide-awake with fear that they wouldn’t come back to get her in the morning.

“That’s cute!” Vanessa squeals. “You danced?”

“Yeah, when I was a kid. After my parents died, and I moved in with my grandparents, I kinda just…stopped. They let me do unofficial hunter training, and that was all I really focused on.”

Training had taken the place of dancing in a way, at least in regards to her body. Brooke liked to move physically, liked having actions to follow that cleared her mind and gave her something to focus on, and if the ache in her limbs came from leaping on pointe or kicking at a punching bag, it didn’t really matter.

“That’s too bad,” Vanessa says quietly, and Brooke knows she means it. Her face heats up and she quickly shifts the attention away from herself.

“So, have you done anything exciting? I mean, you’ve been around a while.”

“You callin’ me old?” Vanessa cackles. “Nah, I’ve definitely seen some shit in my day. My parents forced me to go to these lessons where they taught me to act all ‘lady-like’. Didn’t work out for them, huh?” She roars with laughter, stabbing at another meatball as she continues. “I liked to dance, but I wasn’t too good. As for jobs, there weren’t a whole lot of options in those days. After I fell out with my parents, I kinda drifted. Helped people where I could, you know? I’d walk around looking for people in trouble and calling ambulances. I stole money from CEO’s and gave it to people that needed it, paid hospital bills and shit. I try to bring down one corporation per decade.”

Brooke knew Vanessa didn’t harm humans, but she never would have guessed all of this. She finds all her doubts destroyed to nothing. Maybe good and evil, right and wrong, didn’t always have to come down to rules.

“That’s really nice, actually.”

Vanessa shrugs. “My parents were assholes. Not even like, baby boomer assholes that destroy the economy and yell at waitresses and discriminate against people and think it’s okay if they go to church and shit. Straight-up real, murderous assholes. I don’t want to be like them.”

“I can tell you that you’re not,” Brooke ventures, sliding her hand across the table to hold Vanessa’s.

“I guess not,” she muses, gripping back. “And you’re not like those other hunters that kill without question, Brooke.”

I was though, Brooke thinks. I killed any vampire that even looked at me because of what happened to my parents. I even wanted to kill Vanessa.

Brooke knows that while Vanessa isn’t, nearly every other vampire is truly evil, killing people for fun. But she also knows now that all the killing in the world can’t bring her parents back, something she didn’t understand at 11, or even at 18 when she started. She’ll still continue to fight evil, but remember that protecting the good is what she really wanted to do all her life.

“Don’t you be overthinkin’, Brooke. Basically every vampire in the world is an asshole, I promise you that. You know how many people you’ve saved? You’re one of the good ones.”

Brooke nods. Someone like Vanessa has seen a lot, and if she sees the good in Brooke, maybe Brooke can see it in herself.

“You think we could go back to your place?” Vanessa’s voice is hopeful.

“Of course.”

Somehow Brooke still follows the speed limit, her heart faster than the car at the thought of Vanessa in her bed.

—-

Finally, there were all-purpose rules. Life rules that Brooke had been taught since she was a child rolling around in the grass and watching rabbits in her backyard.

Help other people. Be kind. Treat others how you want to be treated.

Brooke always thought she did her best to follow these, and she knows that Vanessa did too.

Though the rules Brooke has followed all her life mark Vanessa as a monster, Brooke knows in her heart that she’s not.

And she loves her.

—-

Vanessa sinks into Brooke’s mattress and her lips travel up Brooke’s collarbone, trailing soft kisses all the way that make Brooke close her eyes in delight, but then the lips brush against her neck–Don’t ever let them get near your neck, that was the first rule–and her eyes snap open. She jumps back from Vanessa and with reflexes sharpened by years of training has her fist closed around the stake in an instant, the smooth wood in her hand only intensifying the thought that she’s in a fight, that she’s in danger, and she can’t gain control of her rapid breathing.

“Hey,” Vanessa says gently, standing with her hands up. “I know you’re always in hunting mode, but you don’t need to be with me. I’m not gonna hurt you.”

She knows Vanessa won’t hurt her, but she’s the exception here. Several other vampires will hurt her, have hurt her, leaving cuts and bruises that healed and scars and fears that haven’t. But Vanessa keeps whispering that it’s okay and Brooke restores her breaths to the slow, steady rise she uses to avoid detection in the woods. She doesn’t always have to hunt. She is safe. She is still good. The stake thuds onto the dresser.

“I’m okay,” she insists to Vanessa’s worried eyes. The worry Vanessa has for her reminds Brooke that she’s safe, that she’s loved. She never imagined that love could come from a vampire, or that her body would hum with love in return.

“I’m okay,” she repeats, guiding Vanessa back to the bed and helping her pull the red dress off. “Now, where were we?”

—

“Hey, Brooke?” Vanessa hisses across the mattress.

“What?”

“You got air freshener in your bathroom?”

“Um, yeah, why?”

Vanessa leaps out of bed, whistling in relief. “Garlic doesn’t kill us but it sure does make things ugly in the bathroom.”

Brooke snorts into her pillow, waiting for Vanessa to return in a cloud of citrus air freshener before pulling her fuzzy blanket over both of them and drifting off to sleep.

[rustandruin]

🌸🌼 I think this fandom could do with some positivity so if you want to, why dont you pick 3 (or more) people that you dont normally talk to or havent talked to in a while and tell me one thing you like about them? Or if you feel uneasy about talking to new people just pick people you know better :) Then send this message to at least 5 other blogs that you like to keep this game up! 🌼🌸

Hey Lucy! 

Sorry it’s taken me forever to get to this lovely ask. It’s just my ask answering anxiety was at an all-time high. First up, I just want to say that I’ve had a lovely fandom experience and that everyone I talk to (including you!) or have talked to has been really fun and a complete blast, but I want to showcase the folk down below because they’ve all enriched my life a little extra. 

Under a cut to spare you all my emotional ramblings. Apologies to anyone on mobile. 

@omarandjohnny Jonathan continues to be a complete and utter inspiration. He’s so insanely positive and supportive while continuing to love Halloween and monsters at a full 100%. It reminds me that growing up doesn’t mean leaving behind these things that I’ve loved all my life.  

@howellobrien Life can be shitty and your brain can be hard on you, but Holly is just out here spreading joy and positivity as much as she can, which is really how it should work. 

@searhythm I wouldn’t have really even begun to start writing, let alone contributing to fandom if it wasn’t for Mow’s spectacular energy. She’s given me the gift of confidence, laughter, dog photos, and perhaps, most importantly, encouraging me to be easier on myself, which, I really am not. I’m going to make you write that fic you’ve planned if it’s the last thing I do, because we all deserve that kind of goodness in our lives. (She’s also the reason why I spell rhythm correctly now.)

@blondhairedking Gemma is an utter ball of sunshine who doesn’t realise how talented she is, and I’m perfectly happy to volunteer as tribute to make that happen whenever she needs because the world needs more people like that. 

@getyourfaceoutofmyface Shauna has such a remarkably positive energy. I’m so excited to get to know her and read more of her writing. If you need someone to pick you up when your brain is at it’s most finicky, may I suggest her? Because my goodness is she one hell of a cheerleader. 

@robronsnuggles My amazing big bang artist. I’m eternally grateful they chose me but that they’ve also been so kind and patient while bringing my vision to life. I can safely say they’ve made me cry with their talent. I would also carry them to the very depths of Mount Doom if they ever asked. 

@notforonesecond Rach won’t see this but you guys need to know how hard she worked on her big bang, and how utterly patient and supportive she’s been with mine. More than that, she’s had to deal with so many stupid jokes, my insane ramblings, and a whole host of memes that one person shouldn’t be subjected to. I’m so glad we got to work together, but also to get to know her. 

@thesnowyswan Rae is a fount of wisdom, advice, and more importantly, very cool stories about dragons that I didn’t know about previously. Her writing is a constant inspiration and all sort of #goals, but I’m a bigger fan of Rae the person and everything I learn simply by speaking with her. I’ve become a better more ambitious creator, and just a more thoughtful person, and that is in some part, down to her. 

@persiflager I have a million and one theories about things at any given time, and Pers here is such an absolute blast to discuss them with. I love her deep cover knowledge of Emmerdale’s history. I learn so much and it just adds to the joy of speculating, and my enjoyment of the show. More than that, I’m just very, very grateful for all the advice she’s given me. I’ve become a better writer and beta just by association. 12/10. Highly recommend friendship. 

@illgetmerope Anna, where do I even begin? Like everyone else on this list, your talent is only superceded by the amazing person you are. You’re a constant inspiration with not only your attitude towards your art (because that is what it is), but just your general interests and the life you lead and the way you make everyone around you feel happy and special. If your lucky students feel even a ¼ of that, they’re the luckiest kids on the planet. If the universe ever does see fit to let us meet in person, just know I won’t be able to handle it. 

@whatdiknow  Oh, Marj. What don’t I adore about you? You’re wise, kind, understanding, endlessly patient, but most importantly, incredibly funny, with a wonderful capacity to indulge in silliness (especially with yours truly). Your dry sense of humour cracks me up regularly, as do your very astute observations. Do I deserve your friendship? Nah. Do I cherish it? Yes.  

@letthebluerain  Emma. There is so much I admire about you that I would need a whole other post, but I’m going to focus on all the things that give me the most joy. You’re so smart and incredibly funny, with solid, solid advice. But you’re also super silly, very encouraging, and secretly creative. I love all our conversations and the ideas they inspire, mostly though, I’m just proud I get to call you a friend. 

[taonsil]

'never mind, the moments gone'  | suyeol, 2.3k, r-ish  

this was an ask meme fill for the prompt 'never mind, the moments gone' from probably six months back OTL I just dug it up and finally finished it. so the timeline is set from when seho had just got back from Paris in spring♡

“This is a bad idea.” “It’s totally not.” Chanyeol’s hands are clamped firmly on Junmyeon’s shoulders, and he’s keeping him walking by weighing his upper body against him. Chanyeol’s not even trying to be subtle about this, and apparently it’s somehow not a bad idea. “Ok,” Junmyeon pats a placating hand over Chanyeol’s fingers. His grip doesn’t let up at all. “It’s just a bad time. And place.” “Nah, hyung.” It’s probably been far too long to remind Junmyeon that nowhere was ever the wrong time or place when it was Zitao whining for some privacy and attention, and it’d be too whiny on Chanyeol’s own part to bring up that Junmyeon treats Sehun similarly. Chanyeol is (comparatively) the best behaved, so he’s always at the back of the queue. How is that fair? They reach the end of the corridor and pause. The sign for the bathrooms points to the right. “No one will even notice we’re gone,” Chanyeol says, steering Junmyeon left. Bathroom stalls aren’t as safe as the individual changing rooms with the locks. “Anyway, if they do they won’t care. They can manage without us for five minutes.” At that Junmyeon’s brows rise sceptically. Chanyeol gives unskilled, albeit enthusiastic head. Five minutes will barely cover all the coughing and hushing and wiping his eyes dry. (And Junmyeon would have brought his water along for Chanyeol if he’d known that was the plan when he was called away. Chanyeol’s never really figured out how to look after himself at the same time.) The parts of the building they’ve been through so far have been totally empty, so Junmyeon scowls at how hurriedly he’s pushed past clothing rails and bundled through the door. They’d probably make a better job of this whole sneaking around thing if Chanyeol of all people wasn’t trying to orchestrate it himself. “Any reason it has to be right now?” he asks, settling against the back wall. They weren’t discussing anything all that important when Chanyeol scooted into the practice room just to grab Junmyeon and leave again, but it is kind of an inconvenience. Junmyeon’s mind is half on their schedule and half still in Paris. They’re going to see each other back home again tonight anyway, probably, if neither of them have other plans. Junmyeon’s plan was to sleep, so maybe Chanyeol’s actually being considerate, in..a roundabout kind of way. This cubicle really wasn’t designed for two people. Junmyeon leans around Chanyeol to pull and lock the door behind him, and with it closed Chanyeol has to carefully step around Junmyeon’s feet. “You know how dogs get when they’re left alone too long,” Chanyeol shrugs. He’s a puppy if he’s anything, and between Junmyeon’s boyfriends and babies that’s a pretty ok place to be. “Mm, I don’t know,” Junmyeon smiles, and tilting his head up and pushing his hair back is all just lazy flirting. This is a terrible idea, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going be a pain about how eager Chanyeol is. “I leave mine with my mother and he’s so spoiled he doesn’t notice when I visit.” “You always have to be so..” Chanyeol mutters under his breath, head down. He has to work out how to position his feet again to accommodate leaning down to kiss Junmyeon. Junmyeon doesn’t help with this in the least, but mostly because he wasn’t anticipating being kissed. Of course Chanyeol’s too affectionate to not take up thirty seconds of their five minutes with being sweet. He’s sweeter than he realises, really, and Junmyeon feels kind of bad about it. “Chanyeollie, I don’t know,” Junmyeon sighs. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the offer, but he’s in some weird zoned out space between work-mode and jet lag. He could get off, but Chanyeol deserves more emotional input than he has readily available right now. And honestly he’s just growing out of finding anything amusing about going back sticky and uncomfortable to a room of people who know exactly what you’ve been doing. “Wouldn’t it be better to wait until we have some proper time?” “Sehunnie has had you all to himself for a whole month.” Ah. “Two weeks.” “And every time it’s been my turn you’ve been away doing something, so it’s basically been since like, last October-“ Now that’s not fair. “You’ve been out of the country too,” Junmyeon points out. Chanyeol’s hand is at Junmyeon’s side, just ghosting his waist. He’s unsure if this is an argument for this actually being a good idea or just an argument. “It’s been a month and a half at the most.” Chanyeol’s eyes widen. “That’s what I’m saying, hyung. It’s basically been like, the whole year so far. And you know being at home doesn’t actually guarantee any time or space.” That would be quite some time if you were a normal couple on a normal schedule, Junmyeon would agree. But that’s far from their arrangement, and it’s not like Chanyeol doesn’t have other people too. But, hmm. Right, sentiment. They both have other people, so maybe Junmyeon should take it at face value that Chanyeol’s so persistently trying to get him alone for (allegedly) five minutes. “Alright,” Junmyeon pouts. “You win.” Chanyeol beams. (Unlike Zitao) he has a better measure of when Junmyeon’s really exasperated and when it’s just playful; when he’s really pissed or just needs persuading. Junmyeon relaxes more when he’s coerced into someone else’s bad idea rather than suggesting it himself, and Chanyeol’s a great one for making a bad idea seem good. “I win?” he grins, and Junmyeon easily knees him in the thigh from the awkward angle they’re at. “Do you want to do this or not?” So Junmyeon’s letting Chanyeol handle him impatiently now, but the space is so small he can’t afford to be too careless. If Chanyeol knocks an elbow on the wall or steps on Junmyeon’s toes it’ll just give him reason to say this was a terrible idea. Well, he’s already said it like five times, but Chanyeol’s got things this far. And sure, he is clumsy and fumbling. He knows that away from this - himself, Sehun, and Zitao before - Junmyeon has his boyfriends and their scheduled hotel visits, but Junmyeon still likes him like this. It’s good in its own way. Chanyeol hasn’t been brave enough to try it - the guy thing - with anyone he’s unfamiliar with yet, so all of his efforts are saved for Junmyeon. And Junmyeon can tease all he wants that Chanyeol has a lot to learn; he’s sloppy, over eager, easily overwhelmed, always makes a mess of himself. Doesn’t change that he loves all of that enthusiasm being just for him. “Get down already.” Junmyeon’s tone has dropped soft and low. Chanyeol’s on his knees in seconds. “Only five minutes,” Junmyeon reminds him. He gets a grip on Chanyeol’s hair where it’s growing out at the back. They haven’t even started yet, though, so Junmyeon’s fingers stray to rub at the shell of his ear, and Chanyeol’s hands clamp at his hips to steady himself. “You’re a good boy.” Chanyeol is, and he’s going to remind Junmyeon that he’s good enough to take a night off for, too. But life is unfair, and Chanyeol’s still working on Junmyeon’s belt when he hears Junmyeon’s phone buzz. He flicks a glance up to him cautiously, kind of hoping he didn’t notice. Junmyeon’s frowning. Sigh. “I have to check it. You know I do, Yeollie.” Chanyeol scowls, scrunching his nose. It earns him a tap on the forehead, but Junmyeon looks apologetic. “It might be important. And we did just leave- Give me a second.” Chanyeol doesn’t let up glaring, even when Junmyeon moves his phone to his left hand so he can resume combing his fingers through Chanyeol’s thoroughly mussed hair. It’s tempting to just continue, but Junmyeon’s suddenly looking a lot like he wouldn’t appreciate teasing. Easy anxiety rises up in Chanyeol’s chest. He can’t have actually gotten them in trouble? This is hardly the worst incident to happen in the building. It wasn’t even an important conversation he pulled Junmyeon out of. “That’s a..” Junmyeon holds his phone two inches from his face. “Did they add gen 2 Pokemon while I was away?” Junmyeon’s thighs are strong, so Chanyeol hitting his forehead against one probably hurts him more. “Hyung, oh my god.” For fucks sake. Chanyeol doesn’t know whether to try and drag Junmyeon’s attention back or just leave. He could store this up in his growing collection of times Junmyeon owes him for. Junmyeon looks so shocked he does neither. “Wait, what is it? I don’t have mine running.” Junmyeon turns the screen gingerly, like he’s scared it’ll go out of range. “A Quilava? There’s really a second evolution starter in the wild?” The wild being their building. If Junmyeon was on the capture screen the Pokemon would be stamping its little feet on Chanyeol’s head. “Oh shit. In here?” Chanyeol is up off his knees faster than he got down on them. He bumps himself in three places on the narrow walls fishing his phone out of his back pocket. “No way! I kept getting the silhouette all week but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Hyung, wait,” he knocks Junmyeon’s hand, throwing off his aim with the ball. “I wanna catch it first.” If he can’t have dick he should totally be given first catch in compensation. “You didn’t even tell me they’d added gen 2.” Junmyeon leans his head to the side, just resting on Chanyeol’s shoulder. Chanyeol doesn’t look away from the loading screen. “You were too busy playing tourist with Sehunnie. Didn’t think you’d be interested.” Right. Of course. Junmyeon rolls his eyes. Chanyeol isn’t a jealous person, but he can work himself up into a pretty good sulk. Chanyeol lifts his hand to get the Pokemon on screen and nudges Junmyeon away in the process, and he doesn’t protest. It is a second evolution, but it’s a disappointingly low level and an easy catch. The remainder of their allotted five minutes is used up by Chanyeol explaining the new berry system and showing off the sixteen Furrets he’s caught just this week. He taps through to show Junmyeon the new outfit options, but Junmyeon’s hand gently closes around his wrist, lowering his phone. “Hey,” Junmyeon leans into Chanyeol’s line of vision. “I did miss you.” Chanyeol shrugs. “I know. You texted the group chat literally every ten minutes. Jongdae muted it after a day, you know?” “I missed you,” Junmyeon reiterates. His tone doesn’t change, but he raises his brows, daring Chanyeol to tell him he doesn’t mean it. Chanyeol focuses on his phone. “This is just.. we’re not teenagers, Yeollie. We don’t have to sneak around looking for doors with a lock.” Chanyeol pouts. “Just didn’t want to wait any longer. Even longer.” His voice has lost its sullen edge again already. He loves a good sulk, but he’s weak when he gets attention. Without warning Junmyeon’s hand squeezes firm and warm around his thigh, and he jolts noisily against the wall. Ok ok. “I mean, if it’s busy at home you could always take me to your studio. Or I can arrange something.” Junmyeon’s saying one thing - plans for later, maybe, focusing on words and not his hand is very..not working - but totally implying another. Seeing as they are behind a locked door it seems a waste to not take the opportunity. “Leader-“ It’s mostly a gasp, and Junmyeon can’t resist stepping into Chanyeol’s space, adding more pressure. “Five more minutes?” “Just five,” Junmyeon agrees. Now he’s got Chanyeol against the wall they can’t go ahead with the original plan, but he can probably come up with something.. In Chanyeol’s hand and Junmyeon’s pocket their phones buzz simultaneously. It’s only a Hoppip, and Chanyeol responds to being touched like they may as well actually still be teenagers, but he doesn’t need to ask to know which task Junmyeon is more interested in. The intent is already gone from Junmyeon’s eyes, and now they’re all wide and hopeful. He takes Chanyeol’s heavy sigh as a prompt to ask: “..would you mind?” Chanyeol’s dick minds a whole lot, and Junmyeon easing away to get back into his own small space in the cubicle manages to rub him all the wrong ways and make it worse. But while Chanyeol reckoned he could distract Junmyeon from work, he already knows its a losing battle with this. “I think the moment has probably gone anyway,” he says. Junmyeon blinks up at him hopefully. He’s so infuriatingly cute, it’s not helping how dejected Chanyeol feels at all. “Go,” Chanyeol clarifies, making a shooing motion, “Go catch it, I’ve found like ten second gens just on this floor of the building.” Junmyeon yanks the lock open so hard it makes more noise than Chanyeol did when he elbowed the wall. Ten second gens. “Ah, but..” Junmyeon lingers at the door. “I promise, first free slot we both have and we can plan a proper date.” “Like I even care that much,” Chanyeol shoos him again. How desperate does Junmyeon think he is for dick and cuddles?  (Probably as much as he is. Like, enough to drag him out of a meeting and into a closet.) Junmyeon stretches up to peck his cheek before darting off back out into the corridor in search of the Hoppip. Chanyeol decides to wait the extra five minutes out here, so his ears won’t be as tellingly red when he goes back.

[simplicitys-bliss]

it’s kinda funny

depression i mean.

*heres a disclaimer before you continue to read this if you chose to: this post is kinda sad. Like, not really, but it’s h e l l a personal, and if you don’t feel like reading about any of that, or seeing how my thought process is all over the place when I talk about stuff like this, id just stop reading now. Go back to looking at memes, asthetically pleasing pictures of fashion/places/food, dogs, and porn bc you won’t enjoy this*

So back to depression; to me, it’s like one minute I’m super happy, I’m ready to take on the world, and ready to do great things, but the next I feel as if im drowning..or rather, i can’t breath.

You see, i haven’t felt genuine happiness in a long fucking time, and it fucking sucks. I have however felt euphoria, and that was neat. Euphoria in a moment, in a person, in a time.

In a moment, it was when I was accepted into college. It’s crazy to think the number one thing that causes my anxiety and my fears of failing in life were once the source of complete and udder euphoria. It was as if in that moment, wow man all my hard work over the four years that was high school actually meant something. That it was actually worth it. And that to me caused this sense of self acceptance that I have yet to feel from a specific moment in time again. Maybe one day something will happen to cause it, but nothing has really matched the feeling of making it into my top school after convincing myself that I wasn’t good enough.

In a person, oh man. Have you ever met someone equally matched with you? Ya know, someone who matches you on most everything; humor, sarcasm, love. It’s fucking great. And idk. I felt like I had found that. To quote Marroon 5’s Sunday Morning: “livin life gets hard, Sunday morning raining is falling and im callin to you...” blah blah blah. What I’m trying to get at is yes I have found utter euphoria in someone so bad I think of cheesy 2000s love songs. that’s pathetic. What’s pathetic is it’s not the same on both ends, at least not anymore. I have not met one person like this, and it really really sucks that shit like circumstances and time and place have put a road block in an otherwise blissful highway of love. again, its corny as fuck. and pathetic.

In a time? Shit last year. I would give anything to go back to this time last year. Timehop has a funny way of drudging up things from the past you forget about after the moment passes and it doesn’t come out of your long term memory until a day when you’re really low and you see that at this same moment you were once in cloud nine. This time last year was that, and again I would give anything to go back. Another time that I wish I could go to would have to be the beginning of this summer. I will never ever forget this summer, except for the beginning of it. When everything was just starting to come together. I didn’t even realize in that moment that I had set myself up to feel completely in sync with people I would’ve never guessed myself to be friends with.

I guess you could say I have a lot to be happy for. But the thing about depression is that it all becomes like a giant blind spot. Depression takes the front seat and puts my emotions in drive, while happiness and reasons to live and reasons to feel like I actually matter become a blind spot in the road.

Like school. Holy fucking shit school makes me want to die, like real life death. I feel out of place, I feel overwhelmed, and I feel alone. But at the same time, I’ve never had a group of peers like my a capella group. And if I dropped out, they would definitely be missed. But the problem I’m coming to is that they seem to be the only reason I’m still here. And i feel like that’s not a good thing. NOTA is my happiness blind spot and I wish they were my main view.

And then there’s this whole lonely business. What the fuck is up with this. I used to consider myself pretty self dependent, but holy shit i find myself wanting love and assurance and acceptance so bad all of the time and it sucks. I have my good days where I appreciate the solo lifestyle, like not having anything to owe to anybody, or being able to do whatever I want like being away from my phone for hours and no one yelling at me for it. But okay, the other night I went to a party with my a capella group, and went back to my friend Jerry’s house with my other friend Haley. I was drunkish, but Jerry was blacked and I didn’t trust him alone so I stayed till he fell asleep. I got on a bus around 2:30ish and I was alone. Then this couple came on the bus along with two other loud drunk men all staggering from Pickles(a downtown bar). I kept looking at this couple, and even these two guys, and kept thinking about how nice it’d be to have someone to check in with when I leave alone on nights like these. Or when I’m at work(I work at a restaurant as a Host/busser) and I sit old couples. Not even really old, but old enough so that you know they’re at least 10+ years into a relationship. I find myself thinking “damn being marrieds gonna be so neat what the fuck. having someone to eat fake Italian food and bool with? someone who I’m completely comfortable with who accepts me for me? fuck that’s nice.” And idk. I guess that’s just because I came out of a relationship with I though was it for me; the kind where you never saw there being a time without them but now you’re alone watching Betty and Kevin eat arugula salads talk about their mortgage and looking for happiness in people who could care less about your feelings and your well being. sad.

I’m drowning in loneliness and sadness and putting my happiness in my blind spot, and it’s no bueno. I can’t breathe. It’s like if depression is a pool, I took a cannon ball into that bitch. Happiness is the air right about level the water line, the light you can see when you’re underwater and your ascending up, but for me my light is just glass. Like I’m in a tank and there’s light everywhere, but I can’t get to it.

Does this make sense? Am I reaching anyone? Does this hit familiar to anyone, or am I alone on this. Iunno. But then again, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters lol.

[eversage]

I dare you to answer all 170 questions luv youuuu

FUCK YOU I SHALL

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I wanna be 6'1 
2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) A FUCKING GRIFFIN, but real talk a hedgehog or a Newfoundland dog will suffice 
3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Gay witch TM
4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Idkkkk 
5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Alec, Sky, my art/how stressed I am about my art
6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Oh god this is a meme from forever ago. But uh idk probably "really gay messy artist"
7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? Bleh 
8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] fuck if I know?
9: Are you ticklish? Nope
10: Are you allergic to anything? Histamine, go look it up. Now cry for me. Now go look up high histamine food now cry for me. Now go look up how stress, heat, and hormones can all increase histamine in the system. Also dustmightd.
11: What’s your sexuality? Grey-Gay-Asexual-Aromantic 
12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? I'm basically allergic to all three but cocoa 
13: Are you a cat or dog person? Both
14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Merperson
15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? Dan and Phil
16: How tall are you? 5'8 ish
17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? Uhhhhh Oliver? I think 
18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] 198 LBS
19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? yes
20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Yes
21: Are you religious? Yes 
22: Pet peeves? Idk 
23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Diurnal
24: Favorite constellation? Ursa Major
25: Favorite star? Idk the sun
26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? Yes but I'm brokkeeee
27: Any phobias or fears? Fuck idk 
28: Do you think global warming is real? Yes
29: Do you believe in reincarnation? Yes
30: Favorite movie? Fuck if I know? 
31: Do you get scared easily? Nah
32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 10
33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]
34: What is a color that calms you? Pastel
35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Philadelphia? Indiana because babe?
36: Where were you born? Mexico
37: What is your eye color? Brown with rings of blue
38: Introvert or extrovert? I'm so introverted
39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? Yes
40: Hugs or kisses? Kisses
41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Alec
42: Who is someone you love deeply? Alec
43: Any piercings you want? Septum
44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? Yes
45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? No
46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! He's a babe, he sleep talks, needs a hair cut and is a fucking idiot but he's mine
47: What is a sound you really hate? Machinery in horror films
48: A sound you really love? Alec's voice
49: Can you do a backflip? Used to 
50: Can you do the splits? Used to 
51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Fuck if I know 
52: Favorite movie? Fuck if I know didn't I already answer this?
53: How are you feeling right now? Headachy but good
54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? Pastel pink 
55: When did you feel happiest? Fuck if I know 
56: Something that calms you down? Age regressing
57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] hahaha depression, anxiety, ed, passive suicidal tendencies, psychosis, sensory processing disorder, probably some learning issues. Kinda duck if I know.
58: What does your URL mean? My blog is about my voice 
59: What three words describe you the most? Powerful, witch, gay.
60: Do you believe in evolution? No.
61: What makes you unfollow a blog? NSFW, any sort of hate/phobia (like homophobia transphobia and such), being thinspo/Mia/Ana, or anti age regression
62: What makes you follow a blog? Aesthetic, kind, funny
63: Favorite kind of person: idk
64: Favorite animal(s): polar bear 
65: Name three of your favorite blogs. 
66: Favorite emoticon: 🖕🏻
67: Favorite meme: fuck if I know
68: What is your MBTI personality type? Idk 
69: What is your star sign? Taurus
70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? No
71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? My Harry otter shirt, red sweater and whatever pants
72: Post a selfie or two?
73: Do you have platform shoes? Nope
74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? Idk
75: Can you do a front flip? Yes
76: Do you like birds? Yes
77: Do you like to swim? Yes
78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming I've sprained my wrist three times skating
79: Something you wish didn’t exist: hate 
80: Some thing you wish did exist: equality
81: Piercings you have? Just my ears 
82: Something you really enjoy doing: art 
83: Favorite person to talk to:
 Alec, Sky, jordan, Kerry 84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? Idk 
85: How many followers do you have? 198
86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? Idk if I tried probably 
87: Do your socks always match? Pfffttt you think I have the energy to find socks 
88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? Barely, I have short hamstrings always have
89: What are your birthstones? Emerald
90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? A polar bear probably 
91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Idk 
92: A store you hate? Walmart 
93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? None because caffeine=anxiety 
94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Fly
95: Do you like to wear camo? No
96: Winter or summer? Winter
97: How long can you hold your breath for? Idk a whole
98: Least favorite person? Idk trump probably
99: Someone you look up to:
 Sky100: A store you love? Idk blick 
101: Favorite type of shoes, keds probably
102: Where do you live? Oregon 
103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nope can't be 
104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Uggghhh probably blue goldstone
105: Do you drink milk? Yes but not as much as I'd like because it makes me sick
106: Do you like bugs? Depends 
107: Do you like spiders? Depends 
108: Something you get paranoid about? Idk 
109: Can you draw: yes 
110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? Iddkkk
111: A question you hate being asked? Idkkkk 
112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Probably 
113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Yes 
114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Depends
115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: alec 
116: Favorite cloud type: idk 
117: What color do you wish the sky was? I like it 
118: Do you have freckles? Yes 
119: Favorite thing about a person: idk probably smile and laugh and voice
120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruit
121: Something you want to do right now: see alec 
122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Idk 
123: Sweet or sour foods? Sour
124: Bright or dim lights? Depends
125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? Yes 
126: Something you hate about Tumblr: discourse
127: Something you love about Tumblr: community
128: What do you think about the least? What? 
129: What would you want written on your tombstone? Gay and changed the world 
130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Sam... 
131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My weight
132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? Yes.
133: Computer or TV? Computer
134: Do you like roller coasters? Fuck yeah
135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Vaguely 
136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Lobed
137: Do you believe in karma? Yes 
138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? I'm like a 95
139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Hayge, hayhay, denden, snow (please don't use that)
140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? Yes 
141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? She was shitty 
142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Good
143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving
144: What makes you angry. Not a lot 
145: How many languages do you speak fluently? Sadly one vaguely three
146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? Boys
147: Are you androgynous? Yeah 
148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my eyes/smile 
149: Favorite thing about your personality: fucj if I know 
150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. Alec, ren, Sky, 
151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? Greece probably 
152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Vaguely 
153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] got set up! 
154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? Fuck yeah 
155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Yes
156: What embarrasses you? Idk 
157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: being told "I need to talk to you" with no context
158: Biggest lie you have ever told: fuck if i know 
159: How many people are you following? Like 1000
160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? Idk 
161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? Idk 
162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? Idk 
163: Last time you cried and why: uhhh cause I wanna move out 
164: Do you have long or short hair? Short 
165: Longest your hair has ever been: ass length 
166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? It's a part of who I am 
167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Yes 
168: Do you like to wear makeup? Yes
169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? Idk 
170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yeah

[milhaaus]

cam could u do all even numbers for the ask meme? ;3

(THERE’S LIKE 50 QUESTIONS but YES I CAN)

2.) is your room messy or clean?

It’s pretty messy lmao

4.) do you like your name? why?

I used to not be a fan of it especially when I was in school (because for some reason people can’t pronounce Camerin on their first go??? Even though it’s literally Cameron with an i???) but since then I’ve really grown to love it and I think it’s one of a kind :D

6.) describe your personality in 3 words or less

that gal’s weird

8.) what kind of car do you drive? color?

It’s a nissan xterra! it’s older (it should be a sophomore in high school) and it’s silver and I love it

10.) how would you describe your style?

It’s mostly flannel shirts and black t-shirts. for extra style points, wear them both at the same time 

12.) what size bed do you have? 

It’s at least a queen? it’s big but barely big enough enough for me, my dogs, and my cat lol

14.) if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

kauai, hawai’i or california! I want to be near the ocean. or somewhere else in the sonoran desert, I like it where i am just fine

16.)  favorite makeup brand(s)

I don’t wear makeup, but i do love candy cane chapstick and those eos chapstick spheres 

18.) favorite tv show?

voltron, a series of unfortunate events, and crazyhead on netflix and adult swim, ghost hunting/bigfoot type shows on animal planet and the discovery channel, misfits, z nation and anything on the syfy channel on regular tv

20.) how tall are you?

I’m 5′2″ on a good day 

22.) do you go to the gym?

I mean I should.......... buuuuuuut............................

24.) how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

not much, my guys

26.) how many pillows do you sleep with?

Just one for my head! 

28.) how many friends do you have?

uhhhhhh I’ve got at least 10 friends irl and half a dozen internet friends? most of them are on tumblr so if u see this guys I LOVE YOU 

30.) whats your favorite candle scent?

sandalwood!

32.) 3 favorite girl names

ramona, willow, sasha

34.) favorite actress? 

ashley johnson!

36.) favorite movie?

I can’t pick one so I’ll give u 5: flash gordon, nausicaa, moonrise kingdom, the secret life of walter mitty, and paprika

38.) money or brains?

brain money. pay ur utility bill in whole brains.

40.) how many times have you been to the hospital?

I’ve been in the ER twice, the first time when I ran through a sliding glass door age 6 and the second time when I was rear-ended by a garbage truck driving home when I was 18 - I also did outpatient stuff for 3 months but idk if that counts 

42.) do you take any medications daily?

I do, I take an antidepressant, anti-anxiety meds and fish oil (ECH)

44.) what is your biggest fear?

i am a ball of anxiety and almost everything is scary. but what scares me the most are heights, car accidents, and the fear of losing loved ones

46.) whats your go to hair style?

 it’s kind of a curly bob type of hairstyle. i used to have long-ass hair but i got sick of it and cut most of it off last year 

48.) who is your role model?

idk? i have ppl i look up to but it’s late and i’m blanking on everything :|

50.) what was the last text you sent?

“cool beans” - sent to my dad 

52.) what is your dream car?

i love the one I have rn, so probably a newer nissan xterra in either red, yellow, or black

54.) do you go to college? 

I did up until last fall when I had to withdraw due to mental health shit :/ I’ll be transferring to community college after I finish my job training tho! 

56.)  would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? 

the burbs, it’s less room but i’d be closer to places where I can make late-night snack runs 

58.) do you have freckles? 

Not a lot of them, just some little ones on my face (i’ve got 3 in a triangle on my cheek)

60.) how many pictures do you have on your phone? 

410 atm! 1/4 of those are screenshots

62.) do you still watch cartoons?

oh hell yeah, I watch cartoons more than anything else of TV tbh. I’ve also been rewatching some ones from my child days like code lyoko and generator max! 

64.) Favorite dipping sauce? 

honey mustard/ketchup for chicken and burgers/etc, ketchup OR ranch for fries (NEVER BOTH EVER), and soy sauce and eel sauce for sushi (that counts right)

66.) have you ever won a spelling bee?

nope, I saw akeelah and the bee tho does that count

68.) can you draw? 

yea I can draw good I guess

70.) what was the last concert you saw?

I saw they might be giants last march! it was AWESOME

72.) Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

starbucks for drinks, dunkin donuts for the donuts and frozen hot chocolate

74.) what is your crush’s first and last initial?

O.C. (for orange crush)

76.) what color looks best on you?

black. black t-shirts. and flannels. lots of flannel shirts. 

78.) do you sleep with your door open or closed?

open because my pets will come in and out of my room during the night and they get sad when I close the door. plus my oldest dog benny has to come wake me up every morning and he never learned how to open doors

80.) what is your biggest pet peeve? 

when people delete captions off artwork, or just plain repost it. or when my family does things that trigger my anxiety when i’ve told them over and over to not do it. also people who don’t throw away their trash after eating. 

82.) favorite ice cream flavor? 

coffee, mint chocolate chip, neopolitan, and green tea!

84.) chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? 

RAINBOW 

86.) what is your phone background?

(i’ll post em here when i’m on mobile)

88.) do you like it when people play with your hair?

nope nope nope nooope 

90.)  do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

first thing in the morning! 

92.) have you ever been drunk?

yup, just once tho doing tequila shots with my granddad out of pure spite. i dissociated really bad for the rest of the evening 0/10 do not recommend

94.) favorite lyrics right now

on a serious note, the chorus to “your heart is a muscle the size of your chest” ramshackle glory. on a much less serious note, the entirety of mouth moods by neil cicierega

96.) day or night? 

night! i’m a big ol night owl

98.) favorite month? 

june! 

100.)  who was the last person you cried in front of? 

my cat. i cried because she was sitting in my lap and purring and i just really love her ok 

[pulverulents]

#19: it’s been a while (alternative title: I’m a mess)

It’s been so long since I actually did this whole journal thing properly but I wanna get back into this at least semi-regularly so here we go (hopefully doing this again after such a long time won’t be too difficult).

Lately, life has been.... interesting, to say the least. But let’s start with the good things, because I barely write about the good things on here and I don’t want to take them for granted. First of all, I did pretty well for IB! 43 points is about where I expected to get, so no surprises but I’m kinda proud of myself for surviving those 2 years of pain, and now I can basically apply for anything I want, so that’s great I guess.

And post-IB life has been pretty nice so far! I’ve been taking a long-needed break the past few months, mostly just chilling at home and hanging out with friends a lot, which has been really fun. I was so scared that after school ended I would lose contact with my friends because it’s happened before but now I’m finding myself surrounded by people that I love that want to hang out together even when there is absolutely no reason to, which is honestly so wonderful. And it’s such a novel feeling to actually be busy this weekend not because of school work or church commitments but because I’m going to be with my friends.

That being said, too much chilling has started to make me a little bit restless, like I should be doing something more intellectually stimulating than just getting lost in youtube the entire day. I’ve started applying for university, and I’ve sent in a job application that I’m still waiting to hear back from, so hopefully I’ll be able to get started doing productive things soon. Speaking of university, I’m actually kind of excited to see where I’ll land up in, because at this point the things I’m applying for are all equally great, like I could see myself doing any of those things, so it’ll be interesting to see which courses I get into. Well obviously, my first choice is med school, but if I end up getting a scholarship that lets me go to Australia to study DR.... I really don’t know which I prefer lol I’m just gonna let God decide this one for me.

And now for the rough parts. Don’t get me wrong, the good things are still good by all means, but my life is still pretty much a dumpster fire, and I’m the trash that’s just always in flames. You know that meme of the smiling cartoon dog in a burning house saying ‘this is fine’? Man, what a mood.

I know I said I’ve been chilling but that just means I’ve been doing literally nothing; in terms of like mental health and stuff I’m still a fucking mess lmao now that I’m officially school-less my mother has decided that I should be working on my uni apps every minute of every day. Like, what the fuck. I know I’m not doing anything, but after a solid 2 years of working my ass off and having nervous breakdowns every 2 weeks or so, can’t you just let me chill for a couple of months? It’s not like the application deadline is tomorrow, and working on it all the time isn’t going to make it tomorrow either. 

I thought that after IB I could take a break from all the constant yelling, but nope. I was a bloody idiot for thinking that, because I honestly should’ve known that my mother will find literally anything to yell about every couple of hours. It’s like after a few hours of watching korean dramas from the living room couch she suddenly decides she’s bored and her favourite pastime is to scream at her kids. Even at night when I’m trying to calm myself down to go to bed so I won’t have such a hard time falling asleep, she’ll suddenly decide that I’m not sleeping early enough (because my sleep schedule is apparently her business) and all of a sudden she’s demanding that I obey her and go to bed because I’m now ‘lazy’ and ‘stubborn’ and ‘rebellious’ and all of a sudden I’m grounded until I finish my university/scholarship applications. And it makes me so angry because I’m 18 years old now for fuck’s sake, I’m a goddamn adult now and she’s still trying to control my life and somehow expect me to be a fully functioning adult at the same time. Which is so crazy because HOW??? IT MAKES. NO. SENSE. 

The more I think about it, she’s the reason for all my anxiety and depression issues, and I hate that I’m so dependent on her now because she’s a terrible person to depend on, and every time I let my guard down and think, hey, maybe she’s not so bad after all, suddenly boom she’s yelling again and I’m in the corner of my bathroom curled up in a ball and pressing my fingers to my ears like I’m 13 again because that’s the only way I can feel safe. And I hate myself for listening to her even though I shouldn’t, I hate myself for falling for the exact same gaslighting tactics every single fucking time, I hate that my life and hers are so inextricably intertwined even though I want to be independent from her so badly, I hate that I need her but needing her hurts me so immensely and makes me want to grab the pain in my chest and tear it out even though doing that would kill me. 

It’s funny how it’s pretty much always been this way and yet I haven’t always felt this way. When I was younger and stupider, I guess I just took it and took it and got used to the way things are. And every time I ran back to her like the stupid child I was. I’ve come to the conclusion that when you look closer at life, the lines start to get blurrier. And the older we get, the more equipped and more inclined we become to look closer and closer, until we get too close and all of a sudden we realise that life is one big bloody mess. 

I forgot where I was going with this. In any case, it’s late and she’s yelling again and I have to go. I’ll proofread this in the morning. Probably.

-jo

[ladyofthecampfires]

ALL THE QUESTIONS!!!! :D!

We’re so annoying

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

I wish I was a bit taller, I guess? 5′7″? 5′8″?

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

I would like a snake but I don’t know if I would be able to care for it properly. Otherwise I would love a wolfdog or a husky!!!!!

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

I dunno about style, but my fav outfit is my Frank shirt and a red and black plaid button down and skinny jeans. It makes me feel punk :)

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

I’m not sure, there were a lot. Maybe Sonic Adventure Battle 2 or LoZ: Wind Waker. I loved watching my mom and brother play Resident Evil 4 but wasn’t good enough to play it myself haha.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

@timelordinvalinor and food and the void that is my future

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Approach only with good reason, she doesn’t want to talk to you

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

I feel like the asker was supposed to insert their topic of choice so I guess I won’t answer this one haha.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

I think I’m choleric if I remember correctly? Or maybe phlegmatic I don’t know.

9: Are you ticklish?

Just a little.

10: Are you allergic to anything?

Not that I know of, thankfully.

11: What’s your sexuality?

Bisexualllll

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

I like all of them but coffee, tea and cocoa in that order.

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

Both!!! I like cats a tiny bit more because of their independence.

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

Oh an elf definitely.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

I dunno if Griffin McElroy counts as a youtuber but I’m going to go with him.

16: How tall are you?

5′5″

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

Hmm. I don’t know. Maybe Aurelia? Yeah, I’m Roman trash.

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

125?? Last time I went to the doctor haha.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

Yah

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

Space!!

21: Are you religious?

Just barely…

22: Pet peeves?

When people refuse to listen to the other side of the argument or when people play devil’s advocate just to get someone riled up

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

As much as I wish I could be nocturnal, I think I would need to be diurnal.

24: Favorite constellation?

Ursa Minor?? I dunno. I am not adept at constellations.

25: Favorite star?

Polaris, I’m boring.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

No…..???

27: Any phobias or fears?

Emetophobia :///// When someone throws up I freak the fuck out. I think it’s because I watched The Sixth Sense when I was really little and there’s that one scene…. I actually very much dislike most bodily functions. 

28: Do you think global warming is real?

It is quite real.

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

I like the idea of it. But I honestly don’t think I’ll ever really know until I get there.

30: Favorite movie?

The Fifth Element!!!

31: Do you get scared easily?

I would say average. Not super easily but I do get scared sometimes.

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

8?

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

999999/10

34: What is a color that calms you?

Pale green for some reason

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

Ireland and I would love to go back to Rome.

36: Where were you born?

Texas

37: What is your eye color?

Dark brown

38: Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert all the way

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

Not really but they’re fun to read!

40: Hugs or kisses?

Both are great but kisses are very very good

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

@timelordinvalinor ?? 

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

My mom. I would probably be dead without her.

43: Any piercings you want?

I don’t really care about piercings.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

Tattoos yes!!!!! Piercings, I don’t have an opinion one way or another.

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?

I assume this means cigarettes and nope.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

*furious blushing*

47: What is a sound you really hate?

I can’t think of any right now.

48: A sound you really love?

Guitar!

49: Can you do a backflip?

Nope

50: Can you do the splits?

Nope

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

Don’t have one

52: Favorite movie?

The Fifth Element

53: How are you feeling right now?

Tired

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

I like my hair the color it is

55: When did you feel happiest?

It used to be at concerts but I don’t know any more

56: Something that calms you down?

Listening to music

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

Gotta love that social anxiety

58: What does your URL mean?

Title of a Frank Turner song

59: What three words describe you the most?

Quiet, funny, caring

60: Do you believe in evolution?

Yes

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

Not interested in the content anymore

62: What makes you follow a blog?

Good content

63: Favorite kind of person:

Someone who is kind and understanding and tries to make the world around them a better place

64: Favorite animal(s):

Cats, wolves

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

@timelordinvalinor @awkwardlytimednosebleed @littlerogueprincess

66: Favorite emoticon:

Don’t have one

67: Favorite meme:

Don’t have one. My favorite vine though is that one with the guy stuck in his kayak and he’s like “Saruhhhh help meeeee” cracks me up EVERY TIME

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

ISTJ

69: What is your star sign?

Taurus

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

No, they’re both idiots haha

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

Oh I answered this earlier. See #3

72: Post a selfie or two?

Mmmmmm I don’t look great right now haha

73: Do you have platform shoes?

No

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

I can play bass guitar??

75: Can you do a front flip?

Nope

76: Do you like birds?

They’re okay.

77: Do you like to swim?

Sure

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

Ice skating!

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

Racists

80: Some thing you wish did exist:

Dragons

81: Piercings you have?

None

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

Playing video games

83: Favorite person to talk to:

@timelordinvalinor

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

I joined like two days before Mishapocalypse. I was like “what the fuck is this”

85: How many followers do you have?

102

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

Doubtful, maybe around 10 minutes

87: Do your socks always match?

Yes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

Yes

89: What are your birthstones?

Diamond

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

A wolf maybe

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

Daisy?

92: A store you hate?

Not a big walmart fan

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

I’m sure I could drink a lot but I don’t think I’ve ever had more than 2

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

Fly

95: Do you like to wear camo?

No

96: Winter or summer?

Winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

Not very long

98: Least favorite person?

Donald Trump?

99: Someone you look up to:

Meg White

100: A store you love?

I like Whole Foods

101: Favorite type of shoes

Converse?

102: Where do you live?

Texas

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

I’ve considered it in order to be more healthy, but no

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

Fire opal or black opal is pretty damn cool

105: Do you drink milk?

Not regularly

106: Do you like bugs?

Not really

107: Do you like spiders?

I appreciate them from afar

108: Something you get paranoid about?

My future

109: Can you draw:

Nope

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

I don’t know

111: A question you hate being asked?

Why are you so quiet?

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

Don’t think so

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

Yeah!

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

Depends on my mood

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

116: Favorite cloud type:

There was this one time in middle school where the clouds literally looked like mountains. I don’t know what kind of cloud that was but totally that

117: What color do you wish the sky was?

Gray skies are cool?

118: Do you have freckles?

They aren’t super dark but yes so many all over lol

119: Favorite thing about a person:

Their smile or laugh

120: Fruits or vegetables?

Fruit

121: Something you want to do right now:

Be at home

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

Ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods?

Sweet

124: Bright or dim lights?

Dim

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

The fair folk? I guess?

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

Nazis and terfs

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

All the cool artists

128: What do you think about the least?

How the heck should I know

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

No idea

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

A nazi or Donald Trump or both. I have two hands.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

I am a very naive person by nature. I think that makes me more optimistic about people but then I get taken advantage of :))))

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Sometimes

133: Computer or TV?

Computer

134: Do you like roller coasters?

Not really

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

Yes :(

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

Attached

137: Do you believe in karma?

No

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

4? 5?

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Rach, Rachie, my parents call me “petey” sometimes like sweet pea

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

One named Ditto when I was like 4. I think I watched too much Pokemon.

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

Once

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

Good

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

Both

144: What makes you angry

Ignorant people, rude people, people

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

1

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

I don’t think I have a preference really

147: Are you androgynous?

I try to be, but I’m not very good at it

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

My hair color

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

I try to be really caring

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

These are repeating

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

Early 1920s would be interesting. Or ancient Rome!

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

Sometimes 

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]

Don’t have one

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

No

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Yeah!

156: What embarrasses you?

Everything

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

Also everything

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

Dunno

159: How many people are you following?

254

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

4,059

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

2

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

2,406

163: Last time you cried and why:

a few weeks ago when I learned my old orchestra teacher died

164: Do you have long or short hair?

Short

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

To the middle of my back

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?

I sort of like it because it makes people feel grounded and loved in ways they might not be able to get otherwise

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

Not really

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

No

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

No

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

I tried to