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#like this is fantasy what am i doooing here

foolsocracy · 10 months

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Improbable headcanon (mostly because I'm unsure if he'd have the right tools); Peter got tired of nearly hitting walls and relying on his spidersense to guide him with his poor vision, and one day impulsively managed to scavenge his glasses' lenses to be refit into the goggles. He sees better as Noir and worse as himself. The daylight world is blurry now. He's leaving himself behind.

this kills the man (me)

Is it a viable way of life? not really. but do i love it narratively.... why yes i do. "hes leaving himself behind" ough. i love the abandonment of self,, yes the spider god changed him, but that was against his own will. Here he's choosing to render himself blind in the daylight, choosing to lean into the spider that was cast upon him, all on his own.

the reason this took so long for me to answer was because i was also trying to figure out the probability (since you mentioned it). unluckily for me, finding info on how prescription glasses lenses are manufactured is more difficult than I thought, even for TODAY. So bear in mind that what I'm gonna talk about is current day tools, and not from the 1930s lol.

Closest thing ive got to an answer is that he can refit the lenses. Thank god Pete wears like jugunda glasses because he would be out of luck if they were too small to fit the frames of his goggles.

i feel like these could work?

The most likely thing he could do would be hand edging his lenses, which is a fancy way of saying he'd sand them down to fit the shape he needs. You're definitely not supposed to do this LOL but pete's in a tight spot so I'll give him that. For the life of me i can't even find when glasses started accounting for PD (pupillary distance) and OC (ocular center), but if they did that in the 1930s, pete's glasses r definitely not working at 100%. So if ur into a little sadness there you go: he goes through all this trouble to see at night and his glasses don't even work as well as they used to. the parker fortune.

If his lenses were too small (and if the goggle lenses were thick enough) he could try and grind some curvature into them to match his current lenses. This is even more makeshift then the last option, but The Spider Man is nothing but makeshift parts, so it kinda fits. This method would be a ton of trial and error + it wouldn't account for any astigmatisms. But at least he'd get to keep his daytime lenses?

id say his best bet is befriending an optician or something

#SO SORRY this has been sitting in my inbox for so long #this is an insane response to ur ask but i hope u like it LMFAO #asks #anon #peter benjamin parker #like this is fantasy what am i doooing here #(realism enjoyer)#((could you tell))

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nkhrchuwuya · 2 years

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✨ hello! I've never interacted before but I've read all of your posts! I really love your version of chuuya, can't get enough of it! :D I hope you're all better now uwu thank you for this event I'm so excited :D

first of all I'm smoller than chuuya hehe

I consider myself an extrovert who can be very shy at first. if i manage to somehow feel comfortable w someone (as in they are warm and open to me), I become super chatty and bubbly, but I can be very quiet and reserved when I'm among a bunch of people or with someone I haven't really connected. in that case i need to warm up a bit first.

altho I love hanging out with my loved ones, I need "just-me" moments too. I like joking and making people laugh and this goofy and "witty" side of me is best seen when I chat or post insta stories, rather than irl.

I can be quite awkward when I talk with people irl. I'm super affectionate with the people I love and actually I can be quite clingy. I need constant attention and love or I start feeling insecure.

I have lots of interests (too many to keep up), that are somehow linked: animanga, asian dramas, webtoons, fantasy, books, insta poetry, linguistics and language learning, graphic design, fiction, history, sociology and whatever is grabbing my attention at the moment.

I also suffer from maladaptive daydreaming, have short attention span, but lots of focus when I shouldn't have, lots of dreams, anxieties and hopes. I often sign up for too many things at once (and regret it) but stillll there's so much to dooo and no timeeeeee

for all my easygoing attitude, I have high uncertainty avoidance: scared of talking to people I've interacted w before, hesitant of like asking informations to a stranger, worried about uni exams I'm not fully prepared for, deeply anxious about a new part time job etc.

I usually procrastinate a lot (and also a mild perfectionist, what a curse) , am disorganised and am a bit of a scatterbrain, often sleep late but! I'm doing si much better now! After I started physically attending uni, moved out and got a roommate I'm doing much better: I wake up in time, I try to study regularly, Im learning how to cook, I clean after myself uwu

I think this means that when I'm somehow in a situation where I should be responsible (got a roommate, living away from home) I really try to do my best. so proud of myself rn! I'm also in this w my bffs so we helping each other become better

sadly for chuchu I don't drink at all! I would also wait a long time to do the full snu snu, until I feel like this person is here to stay. light snu snu is okay hehe. I'm also a bit lazy and while I like visiting new places and all I get tired of traveling and I don't like "being a tourist" (as in, walking a lot, going from one place to the other, taking lots of pictures, guided tours and all that jazz). I like to do things at my own pace and feel cozy :D

I hope this helps!

:D anon

hi dear!! ✨ thank you so much for taking part in our little event! it's lovely to hear from long-time readers like you🥺 i'm doing much better than before, although still not quite well, thank you for asking!

here's a little bit of your chuuya for you!

i won't even get into detail about how much chuuya loves that he's the slightest bit taller than you. it activates his protection mode- and he sure loves being in that mode when he's around you.

chuuya isn't quick to figure out your innate need for attention/affection- he just thinks you're clingy for a bit and would indulge you while he can and then he's gone off to work again. it would take you opening up to him and having a genuine conversation for him to actually get it in his head, but after that don't worry, he's at your side as much as possible. when he can't, he's texting or calling you. there's never a day you'll feel once that he doesn't care about you.

he absolutely loves your humor! granted you did say it comes out mostly when you chat or on your insta stories but he definitely has an appreciation of it even beyond the screen. especially if it’s derived from all the varied interests you have? you’ve got chuuya hooked. you've just got a spark of joy in you that's hard to find in other people that draws chuuya to you.

if you need him to catch you at times when your uncertainty avoidance gets too much, don't fret because he won't mind doing it for you. but chuuya's more of a proactive person hismelf, so there are occasions where instead of fully taking the responsibility, he'll be, instead, by your side and making sure you don't feel alone as you face your own anxiety on your own!

chuuya has absolutely no idea at first what to do with your maladaptive daydreaming. but once he figures out the ropes he's there for you all the time. need to be more engaged and grounded in reality? he's there, holding you down. need to go to therapy for it or would rather talk to a doctor? he's bringing you to the clinic himself. he'll learn your triggers (if any) and make sure to keep you out of them when possible. it'll take a bit for him to figure it out, but once he does, he's your best ally.

he watches you work on yourself and get better and handling the daily routine, and is super proud of you for every step you're taking in the right direction. he's there to help you whenever you stumble, but for the most part he just loves being able to sit back and watch you slowly get better at avoiding procrastination, studying, sleeping, etc. etc!

related to that, he's definitely going to be super thankful once you've moved in with him and can help him with that kind of regulation. it's not that he can't do it on his own, just sometimes he also deeply struggles with it, especially with mafia work, and to be able to have someone by his side who can help him is a big plus for him.

he'll be fine with you not drinking, he's always got a bottle of a nonalcoholic drink for you to enjoy while he's getting tipsy. but this is only for when you're at home! if you're outside, say, on a dinner, he'll refrain from drinking because he'd rather not have to be a burden on you when he gets drunk. don't worry, it doesn't dampen the experience one bit, because he loves just being with you to begin with!

your extroverted side matched with a tendency to pull back when you're around others you aren't close with is something chuuya deeply appreciates- some dark part in him enjoys that he can have you all for himself in certain situations. but i think the two of you will still be a great match because chuuya absolutely needs someone to ground him as well, and also to stop his little alcohol problem 😂

#:D anon #chuuya's special someone event #nakahara chuuya #bungou stray dogs #chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #bungou stray dogs imagines #bsd imagines #bsd x reader

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humanoid-lovers · 7 years

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An almanac--for Whovians Trivia fans used to wait anxiously for annual almanacs, which contained all manner of information useless to most of the world but fascinating to us. Now that we have the Internet, there's no such anxiously awaited occasion at the end of the year, but Doctor Who: Who-ology is a rich source of Doctor Who trivia. Go to Amazon

MUST HAVE FOR WHOVIANS!!! Oh my gosh!!! I love it!! It covers the entire series from 1963 to 2012 - it stops right at "The Snowmen" with Clara, so you get a good chunk of info on everything. Companions, the Doctor's incarnations, places he's been, plot points, enemy 101 - there's even a breakdown of River's timeline! (That's great because I'm still a bit fuzzy on when she did what.) There's also the Tardis breakdown. I don't want to spoil too much, but if you are a Whovian for life or a Whovian who wants to know more about the series as a whole? GET IT! VERY WORTH IT! :D Go to Amazon

A yes vote from our resident Dr. Who fan I got this for my Whovian son for his birthday. Go to Amazon

Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Doctor Who - and then some A must for any Doctor Who fan - From the fist doctor (almost) through the 11th (it only covers the first half of season 11 - to the episode The Snowman).. What do you want to know - what he calls himself - what others call him - his height - how many hours it would take to binge watch each doctor - other sci-fi / fantasy movies each actor has been in - you name it - it's probably in this fact-packed book. Go to Amazon

Great book with lots of info ... My son loved it, so did I. Lots of bits of information on anything and everything Who.... As far as the company goes, Easy transaction, fast shipping, would buy from this seller again. Thanks. Go to Amazon

Love the book Full of all kinds of fascinating Doctor Who facts, who said, how many times did so and so guest star on the show, what was the Doctors first and last words? Awesome book for any Whovian. A must have. I can't get enough of my copy Go to Amazon

GREAT BOOK!!! I am a Dr. Who novice, but already an avid fan. My grandson and his father watch the show constantly. His father stared way back in the late 1960's and early 1970's. He was always talking about it when he came to visit my daughter. I never paid much attention to it, BUT now can not get enough of it. I even bought this for my kindle. The hardback I bought for my grandson for Christmas. Again, like the character encyclopedia, he did not want to put it down to open other presents. He is 19. I also read some of this before giving it to him, that is why I got the kindle edition. I highly recommend this to anyone with even a passing interest in Dr. Who!!! Matt Smith, ROCKS. Not to mention has GREAT hair!!!!! He also keeps me laughing. I am constantly amazed at how the writers are constantly coming up with new shows. You would think by now that they had covered just about everything imaginable, but no so. Keep up the good work guys and ladies!!!!!!! Go to Amazon

Oh the place you will go....with the doctor As a long time fan of Doctor Who, this book makes a great addition to our collection.There are no story lines here. Just the facts. This the book for you if you ever wondered what the "40 best ways are to defeat a Dalek"are. Or if you are trying to remember the name of an actor that was a former companion of the doctors. Lots of fun knowledge right at your fingertips. You'll be surprised at the things you didn't realize you forgot. Go to Amazon

Whovians Must-Have Book!!! Great Book. Dooo weee oooh! The author should have done their research Huge Hit with the Whovian Five Stars FANTASTICALLONSYGERONIMOEXTERMINATE!!!!!!!!!! Good for true followers but I love the Doctor Who series Five Stars

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fic-dreamin · 6 years

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A yes vote from our resident Dr. Who fan I got this for my Whovian son for his birthday. Go to Amazon

Everything you wanted to know about Doctor Who and then some A must-have for every Doctor Who fan! Whovians Must-Have Book!!! Great Book. Dooo weee oooh! The author should have done their research Huge Hit with the Whovian Five Stars FANTASTICALLONSYGERONIMOEXTERMINATE!!!!!!!!!! Good for true followers

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merlinficreview · 7 years

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The Student Prince: Chapter 1-5 Review!

Sorry it’s been 84 years since Romeo or I have posted anything. Romeo is back to school for the semester so her time is limited and work has been really draining on me recently. Never fear, we are still here though and I’ve got a review!

The Student Prince by FayJay

Word Count: 145222

Ok guys, this is it. The infamous Student Prince fic. I have read this one before and I liked it because it seems to be the closest fic I’ve found to a modernized version of the BBC show. Plus, as I’ve already said before, I am a sucker for Modern Royalty AUs. This fic also takes place at the University of St. Andrews, which I know nothing about. So google will be my trusty friend throughout this review.

Here we go!

Chapter 1

We begin with Merlin getting hit in the face with some luggage and falling onto some poor elderly lady. Merlin has to maintain an extra sense of control when objects are flying towards his face because he has magic and doesn’t want to out himself. Yay Modern Day Magic Fic!

So it turns out the luggage situation was someone else’s fault. “She glanced from Merlin to the lady and then back again, her face the picture of mortification, and Merlin – who had been feeling a little disgruntled about the whole unexpected-rain-of-luggage scenario – took one look at her huge brown eyes and immediately wanted to reassure her that he had thoroughly enjoyed being knocked half unconscious.” Haha, aww.

The luggage canon introduces herself as Gwen. Yay, Gwen! She is studying engineering at St. Andrews. I think it’s weird that Gwen already has all her textbooks. Have they already signed up for their classes? How would she know what to buy?

Gwen tells Merlin she also has a hammer in her bag. "’Of course there is,’ nodded Merlin, gravely. ‘Who travels without a hammer in their luggage these days? One never knows when a spot of joinery might be in order.’ The corner of his mouth twitched. ‘Stop!’ he said, raising one hand in front of him. Gwen blinked, and after a beat Merlin added: ‘Hammer Time! Dooo doodoodoo! Doodoo! Doo! Hammer Time!’ as he improvised a quick, and truly terrible, attempt at the Hammer Dance in the cramped confines of the aisle.’”

Oh my God. How embarrassing. Stop it, Merlin. Then Gwen tells Merlin that she makes her own jewelry and Merlin is super impressed. Merlin even does the dance a second time and I want to crawl in a hole and die from secondhand embarrassment. Merlin, you JUST met Gwen. Calm yourself.

“’Hey, it's not really Merlin, is it?’ Gwen asked, looking at him sidelong. ‘I mean – really really? You're pulling my leg, right? I mean – nobody's called Merlin. Why would any woman name her baby after an old man with a long white beard and a pointy hat? It's like calling your baby Gandalf.’” This is the second time Gwen has awkwardly expressed disbelief about Merlin’s name. Stop being weirdly obsessed with his name, Gwen. How fucking rude. Poor Merlin. Getting assaulted by luggage and then getting his name made fun of. Good start to college, Merlin. Good start.

Then Gwen points out that Prince Arthur is also going to be attending St. Andrews and she says Merlin and Arthur will become besties. Merlin points out that her name is Guinevere and that she’ll be future queen.

"’That isn't why I applied there,’ she insisted. ‘I mean, I know that there must be thousands of girls who filled in their UCAS forms with St Andrews just because they're living some kind of stupid “Princess Diaries” fantasy and they think they're going to meet him and he'll fall for them and they'll end up with a tiara and a load of corgis, but I'm serious about my career. St Andrews has an excellent engineering department. I was going to apply there long before I heard that's where Arthur was going.’”

But that’s not the plot of The Princess Diaries at all?

I also have the St. Andrews website pulled up because like I said, I know nothing about it, or going to school in the UK, to be honest, and it doesn’t even look like St. Andrews has an engineering department. Man, Gwen is going to be pissed when she finds out she spent all her money on textbooks for a degree her school doesn’t offer.

Then Gwen tells us how King Uther met his wife while they were at Oxford once upon a time. "It's such a beautiful story, isn't it? The way they met at Oxford when she borrowed his jar of Gold Blend, not even realising he was the Prince of Wales at first because he was in the middle of shaving and she was distracted by her friend's dog...oh, they were so in love!" Gold Blend is coffee, by the way. I had to google it too. In what situation would a man be shaving his face next to a container of instant coffee while a random dog is nearby? That’s such an odd scene to imagine. Maybe she knocked in his door to borrow the coffee and she had the dog with her? Were there co-ed dormitories back then?

Merlin is just as suspicious about this story as I am and pops Gwen’s bubble, telling her it was most likely PR. I agree.

"Merlin shook his head mutely, and carefully didn't mention any of the books or magazines he might possibly have read about Prince Arthur and his family. Especially not the outrageously hot photoshoot in GQ magazine that he'd been hiding under his bed for the past three months, and frantically jerking off to most nights. Nope, definitely not mentioning that. Gwen rolled her eyes. ‘Uther and Igraine – it's like a modern day Romeo and Juliet!’" First of all, 100% do not mention that to Gwen. Good decision. Second of all, Gwen has a really hard time grasping plots, doesn’t she? No wonder she decided to major in a non-existent department at her university. She’s not a very bright girl.

We then learn that Merlin is planning to major in physics. That is a department at St. Andrews, good job, Merlin! Then Gwen compares their journey to Hogwarts. “He found himself wishing he could explain about Professor Gaius and Doctor Nimueh, and about the kind of text books he had stuffed into the bottom of his rucksack – but that wasn't going to happen. Magic was secret, and secret it should stay. Nobody wanted to go back to the days of witchburnings.” Poor Merlin. It’s always so sad that he has to hide himself. I will also give him a pass for already having magic books because that’s different.

Gwen and Merlin talk a little more about Harry Potter and then go right back to talking about Arthur and how they’ll probably never meet him. Well…

Then Merlin gets real depressing real fast. "Whatever. All those posh interbred types with more rooms than they know what to do with and flocks of sheep wandering around on their enormous ancient estates - that's who he'll be hanging out with. Not with a physics student from a grotty little council estate in Cardiff, or an engineering student – however lovely – who lives above her dad's garage in Wembley. Face it – we don't have our own flocks of sheep." Brutal Honesty Hour! It’s my favorite time of day!

Merlin then shares some chocolate with Gwen and they enjoy the rest of their train ride.

Chapter 2

“The door was open a crack when Merlin reached his room in St Salvator's Hall, and he could hear voices inside, and what sounded rather a lot like The Rolling Stones.” I looked up St. Salvator’s Hall and holy crap those rooms are nice. According to the photos, the rooms are like twice as big as the dorm rooms of the university I went to. I also decided to compare prices, for funsies, and also to sit and cry about how much more ridiculously expensive it is to go to university here than in other countries. The fee for a shared room at St. Salvator’s Hall is £5,837 which includes a meal plan. That’s 6292.55 USD for comparison. At the University that I went to, a shared room with communal bath is 6,795 USD. This does not include a meal plan which could add up to around 800 USD if you pick the one with the most meals. Those rates are also per semester and not for the entire academic year. Now, St. Salvator’s rate does not state whether the fee is per semester or for the whole year but either way, it’s still way more expensive here in the US. It also looks like St. Salvator Hall doesn’t have communal bathrooms like the one located here that I looked up. Yay not affordable education here in the US!

Anyways, Merlin enters the room and his roommate is none other than the Prince of Wales himself, Arthur. Oh my god. I NEVER saw that one coming!

“’Only – I thought – well, I pretty much assumed that you'd be staying over at New Hall. Where they have single rooms. And ensuites with all the mod cons,’ blurted Merlin. ‘Not sharing a room in Sally's. Why are you sharing a room in Sally's?’ Arthur frowned. ‘Because I lost a bet, if you must know. With my father.’ He stared at Merlin, looking puzzled and a touch irritated. ‘You weren't expecting this, then? They didn't get you to sign things – Official Secrets Act, all that?’” I think that’s a fair question Merlin is asking and I also want to know what sort of bet Arthur lost. How fucking awkward that no one alerted Merlin to who his roommate was supposed to be. Don’t they give out roommate names before the semester starts?

So then Arthur gets bitchy that Merlin hasn’t signed a non-disclosure agreement. “Well – sorry if this sounds, you know, rude, but basically if you touch any of my stuff, or take photos of me or my friends, or tape conversations, or sell your story to the press, or – basically, if you act like a dick, right? Well, we're talking Tower of London, pretty much. That's the Cliff Notes version.”

Calm the fuck down, Arthur. Throwing Merlin in the tower for borrowing your history book is way too excessive. So then Merlin asks if he can make a citizen’s arrest if Arthur does any the aforementioned things to Merlin. Good job, Merlin. Arthur is a complete asshole about that, acting like Merlin’s stuff is grosser than the stuff on the bottom on Arthur’s shoes and tells Merlin he will replace anything he ruins with something of “equal value.” "’Like a stick of gum,’ murmured Kay, sniggering.” Yeah, be prepared to really really fucking hate Kay in this. "’I can see why you have to swear people to secrecy, if this is how you act when you're not around a reporter,’ blurted out Merlin, feeling cheated. ‘You really are a massive prat, aren't you? A smug, self-entitled, patronising git.’” Yassssss. You tell him, Merlin.

Arthur and his friends leave and then Merlin goes to find Gaius. We learn a little about the School of Sorcery. This School can be found in every single building on campus, one just has to find the special door with a dragon on it. Merlin finds the door located in his residence hall. Of course the dragon on the door talks to Merlin, "’Young Merlin!’ it said, in a voice like a rusty gate, blinking sulphurous eyes impossibly as it writhed through the wood like an eel in water. ‘Back so soon?’ ‘What?’ Merlin stared at it. ‘I haven't – this is my first time here, Master Dragon.’” So we get a little hint of reincarnation.

Merlin finds Gaius who tries to shoo him away until Merlin gives him his name. Gaius changes his tune after that and tells Merlin he knew his father. The first thing Merlin does is complain about sharing a room with Prince Arthur. He says it will make it too hard to hide his magic. “Gaius blinked at him owlishly. ‘Then I suggest that you learn some discretion, young man, and quickly,’ he said.’” That is such an annoying adult thing to say. What a non-answer. Poor Merlin. Gaius tells Merlin he is supposed to be rooming with Arthur so he can protect him and that wizards have always protected kings and queens. Merlin is unhappy with this news.

Chapter 3

This chapter opens with:

“Hey, Gwen – how's McIntosh Hall?

Brilliant! How's Sallies?

View good, mattress soft, roommate total plonker. Yours?

She seems OK. Sorry you got plonker. Want to meet later & go to Union together?

God, yes please!” It’s written just like that (italics represent direct quotes and bold represents italics within the fic. You know the drill). I assume they are texting.

Anyways: “It was the tail-end of summer, but apparently that meant something rather different on the East coast of Scotland than it did in Wales, and by the time Merlin got to Gwen's Hall of Residence he was wishing he'd brought a coat, rather than just pulling on a black v-neck jumper.” Does Merlin not know how to read a map, or?

Like… I know the UK is small compared to the US but he can’t really be that surprised that the Northern part of the UK is colder than the Southern part. There’s almost 500 miles in between Cardiff and St. Andrews. I’m glad Merlin isn’t majoring in geography.

So Merlin meets up with Gwen outside her residence hall where she has acquired a gentleman caller. It’s probably Lance. Merlin and Gwen hug. “’Hey, you,’ he said into her hair, feeling something in his chest tighten unexpectedly. ‘I missed you.’”

Calm down, Merlin. You’ve known her for thirty seconds and only been away for her for three of those.

Lance is not happy with Merlin’s presence. “’Hi, Lance,’ he said, ducking his head in Lance's general direction. Lance smiled back – or at least, he bared his teeth, which was almost the same thing. Merlin had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. ‘Hi,’ said Lance reaching out a hand that Merlin rather suspected was going to be bone-crushing. He let go of Gwen and accepted the handshake, and managed not to buckle under the pressure of Lance's Very Manly Indeed deathgrip of macho posturing.” LOL HOW HILARIOUS. Men treating women like objects and prizes to be won. Real knee slapper, that joke.

Gwen tells Merlin that Lance is going to be her Academic Dad and then informs us that there’s only 8 weeks until Raisin Weekend. Thanks, Exposition Gwen! So I also googled this Academic Family business since that’s not a thing we have here. So, basically an Academic Mum and Academic Dad are like mentors for first year students and freshmen are allowed to ask for someone to be their Academic Mother but the Academic Dad has to do the asking to the freshmen. So it makes no sense that Gwen was so shocked about Lance asking her. Whatever. Raisin Weekend is basically just an excuse to drink excessively with your Academic Parents and dress up in costumes that Monday and have shaving cream fights. Typical college nonsense.

“’Well, if I'd known they were giving away hot blokes with every room, I'd definitely have put my name down for McIntosh Hall.’ Lance made a startled noise, and his territorial expression shifted rather quickly into something entirely different and almost maiden auntish as Gwen punched Merlin's arm.” Get it, because Gay Merlin is no longer a threat to Lance chasing after Gwen. No one tell Lance bisexual people exist. I think his head would explode. No, you know what? Someone should tell him. He’s an asshole.

“Lance gave her a slightly sheepish grin. ‘It's okay,’ he said. ‘I'll be your designated driver – I'm not big on the alcohol.’ ‘I don't need a designated driver,’ said Gwen, looking at him sidelong. ‘It's a three minute walk! It would take longer to get a car started than it would to get there!’ ‘Right – well, designated guard dog, then. Or knight in shining armour, or guardian angel, or overprotective Dad – whatever you want to call it. I don't drink, so, you know – I'll make sure you're okay. Promise.’”

Oh my God. Slow your fucking roll and let her do what she wants. She’s not some poor defenseless damsel in distress.

Lance gives off an extreme sense of superiority in this fic. He’s a Buddhist, doesn’t drink, volunteers all over the fucking place as Professional Knight in Shining armor and he’s vegan. “’My Dad disapproves of the veganism,’ he admitted, sheepishly. ‘But it's not so hard, really. It feels good, knowing who I am, and what I want out of life. Being mindful in all things.’” Be more pretentious, Lance. Really, I want to see if you can top all of that.

“Merlin studied Lance, trying not to be too damned obvious about it. He wasn't at all sure if this guy was for real, or if he was playing some kind of elaborate joke, with all this holier-than-thou schtick. There was a disconcerting intensity to the man. Merlin wanted to like him, but he wasn't at all sure what to make of him. He did seem a bit too good to be true.” See, Merlin knows.

Oh and Lance is going to teach Gwen kickboxing. He has classes on Wednesday. Of course he does. Merlin is not into it, especially after meeting one of Lance’s students, Elaine. “Merlin looked at her biceps and swallowed. ‘Yeah – no thanks,’ he said, with a watery grin. ‘I've got a suspicion she'd crush me like a bug.’” Mostly I just included this because I wanted to talk about the phrase, “watery grin.” I see this ALL THE TIME in fanfic and it drives me crazy. What the fuck is a “watery grin?” If your smile is “watery,” swallow your fucking spit. That’s disgusting.

“Gwen bit her lip and glanced up at them. ‘Would you hate me forever if I left you for five minutes?’ she asked. ‘I need the ladies' room. I know I should have gone before we left, but I was caught up talking, and I didn't get around to it. Can you wait for me?’ ‘Until the stars fall from the sky,’ said Lance, bowing with an elaborate flourish that made Gwen roll her eyes.”

I don’t even have a response to this bullshit.

So Gwen goes to the bathroom and Merlin does his, “hurt her and I’ll kill you,” speech to Lance and afterwards they become friends and Lance offers to be Merlin’s Academic Dad.

When Gwen comes back she is absolutely flipping her shit because she saw Arthur. “’ComeOnComeOnComeOnComeOn!’ she said in a singsong voice. ‘You should see him! He's sitting at a table! Drinking a beer!’” Yes, let’s all go and gawk at him like an animal in the zoo. Gwen and Lance are being really annoying so far.

So Merlin tells Gwen that Arthur is his roommate and that he’s an asshole. He then requests that they not go stare at him like total creepers. Gwen is not happy. “He looked at Gwen and sighed. ‘Look, I promise that you'll get to see him again. In fact I'll text you when he's in the room, so you'll know when's a good time to swing by and visit me in Sally's and meet him properly. I'm sure he'd love to pose for a photo with you, and give you his signature, and all that kind of meet'n'greet thing.’” Ok, Merlin. This shit is why Arthur already doesn’t like you. No inviting people over to stalk your roommate and make promises on his behalf. Stop it.

They all go dance and Merlin makes a fool of himself doing the hammer dance, covered in glitter, wearing DIY hammer dance pants (I don’t know) that he got from… somewhere. Arthur stares at him and Merlin falls off the stage.

Chapter 4

Merlin wonders how many other sorcerers are at St. Andrews and we learn that he is there on scholarship. Must be nice. My poor loan debt ass is going to be paying for the two years I spent in nursing school for like ten years. Cheers.

Merlin hears Gwen laughing, “He spotted her over on the other side of the room, in front of a table advertising the St Andrews Fencing Society.” Gwen? Fencing? I mean, I guess. Why not? She’ll have a lot of time on her hands when she realizes the major she’s chosen doesn’t exist at that school. Gwen is with her roommate, Sophia.

“With that thought in mind, he marched purposefully over to the rainbow-festooned table advertising the St Andrews LGBT Society in cheery glittering letters. ‘Sign me up,’ he said, firmly, grinning at a bald girl with enough silver in her various cavities to sink a small ship. ‘I'm a card-carrying friend of Dorothy, and I'm gagging for a shag.’” What a colorful way to introduce yourself, Merlin.

Merlin stops in the middle of registering for his LGBT club to fantasize about Arthur. As you do. “’Oh, marvellous,’ said a faintly familiar voice behind him, rippling with laughter. ‘Oh, that's just perfect. Does Arthur know yet?’” The person is Morgana, “’Er...?’ he said, trying to think where he knew her from. ‘Sorry, are you talking to me?’ ‘He doesn't, does he? There'd have been even more bitching and whining if he did,’ she said, decisively. ‘Oh, this is going to be good.’” Get it? Because Arthur’s homophobia is such a hilarious joke and it’s going to be SO LAUGHABLE when he finds out his roommate is gay.

Merlin goes out for coffee with Morgana, who I do like in this fic minus her laughing at Merlin’s sexual orientation in the previous scene. Morgana asks Merlin if he is in to Arthur. “He's an insufferable, rude, arrogant, overprivileged berk, and I wouldn't suck his cock if he was the last man on earth and he was paying me, so there!” Me thinks the man doth protest too much.

“Fine. We won't talk about how much you want to get into my cousin's royal boxer shorts. So – magic!” Morgana gives no fucks. I like that about her. Merlin freaks out because you can’t just go talking about magic all willy nilly like that. Merlin insists on calling magic “macramé,” but Morgana is having none of it. They decided that their cover story for being so familiar with one another is that they have played World of Warcraft for years and are finally meeting in person. Sure. We also learn that Morgana is studying Art History. Good job, Morgana. That is also a subject that St. Andrews provides.

“’Now then – word on the street is that you might actually be worthy of that remarkable name.’ She took a long, thoughtful drag, and Merlin watched blue curls of smoke snake out of her nostrils like she was some kind of very small, elegant dragon. ‘Is it true that you changed the seasons?’ she asked. ‘No!’ Merlin said. ‘Or at least – well, not on purpose.’” Yikes, Merlin. I guess Merlin was 10 and throwing a tantrum about cherries not being in season so he changed the season from winter to summer. He also summoned a kracken when he was 12 years old on a school field trip. Poor Hunith having to deal with Merlin. He sounds like an insufferable child.

They then proceed to get drunk and Morgana becomes Merlin’s Academic Mother thingy. Merlin gets Morgana to be Gwen’s as well.

Chapter 5

Merlin gets back to his dorm and Arthur is there. Arthur apologizes to Merlin and suggests they start over. Arthur then realizes that Merlin is drunk. Merlin drunkenly tells Arthur that he is friends with Morgana and they were drinking together and that she is now Merlin’s Academic Mother. Turns out she is also Arthur’s. Who didn’t see that one coming? Arthur admits that he looked Merlin up and knows a lot of stuff about him. Merlin says stuff he shouldn’t say, basically admitting he is a sorcerer and he finds Arthur hot and Arthur doesn’t pick up on any of it. Arthur is stupid.

Merlin starts to fall asleep on the floor and Arthur can’t have that, for platonic friend reasons, and so he gets Merlin into bed and decides to help him drink water and take some pain killers. “There was an uncertain space of time, and then Merlin was being manhandled upright by someone warm and shirtless, who smelled good. Merlin knew he smelled good because he was slumped bonelessly with his nose pressed into the hollow of a freshly-washed collarbone. Because it seemed like a good idea, he licked it, and made a small appreciative sound, and then tried a gentle bite. The owner of the collarbone gave a startled hiss, and flinched away, but didn't drop him; and the voice, when it came again, was decidedly hoarse.”

See, Arthur is fucking stupid. If a friend/someone I wasn’t into randomly bit and licked my chest, drunk or not, I would be like, “yo, that’s not cool.” Because that’s not something someone does with their platonic friend.

When Merlin wakes up, “Another thought wandered idly through his brain, and he was faintly aware that it was significant: he wasn't alone. He was, in fact, wrapped around somebody else in the manner of an affectionate baby octopus, one leg tangled between theirs, one arm hooked firmly around a neat naked waist and his mouth pressed damply into the warm, soft-sharp curve of a shoulder blade.” Arthur is awake too, “Do you have any idea of how much fun and frivolity I could have been having last night, while you were busy cutting off the circulation in my limbs? I'll have you know I was going to have a fantastic evening.”

Umm… you made the choice to stay behind and spend the night cuddling your roommate, Arthur. You could have shoved him over if you wanted to.

Merlin and Arthur go get breakfast together. Merlin texts Gwen to tell her about Morgana being their Academic Mother and that she is also Arthur’s. Gwen freaks the fuck out.

That’s it for this review. It’s a decent set-up to the fic. We get to know a little bit about Merlin and how powerful he is. We also have a rough start to the Arthur/Merlin friendship but then it’s nice to see Arthur actually own up to his shit and apologize to Merlin. Arthur is stupid for not realizing how into him Merlin is. Gwen and Lance have been pretty annoying so far and if I remember correctly, they continue to be insufferable for the majority of this fic because their “will they won’t they” cliché set-up is stupid.

Until next time