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manage-mischief · 4 years

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Ground Zero

Part Two: Freedoms

Read on AO3 here.

Summary: Two-shot. Though Tonks had been fantasizing about moments like this for months—moments when the two of them were in bed together—none of them had involved quite this much blood or mortal peril. In which Remus is injured during a mission and Tonks has to think fast to save his life.

Author’s Note: This will be a two-shot and perhaps part of a larger Remadora series. They are definitely one of my OTPs, and I feel like a lot of their relationship was glossed over in the books. This story attempts to place a timeline on some of their romance. It takes places soon after Order of the Phoenix, before the Half-Blood Prince. I envision it happening right before Harry arrives at the Weasley’s and sees Tonks and Molly there. I’m pretty new to fanfiction writing, so any kind comments would be appreciated! (I had to re-upload chapter 2 because of a link issue and because idk how Tumblr works lol sorry about that)

Chapter 2 : Remus recovers from the attack while Tonks tries (and fails) to stay casual. There's only one bed, after all. Past Wolfstar if you squint.

One minute. That’s how long she allowed herself to lose control. Sitting there, shivering on the cool bathroom tile, she felt like a complete idiot. Since it had been well-established that the universe hated her, it made perfect sense that she had to have gone and fallen in love with a man who she was quite certain would never love her back. At least, not in the way she hoped. She had managed to earn in his friendship, but was sure that, in his eyes, she was still the same immature girl he had believed her to be all those months ago: too young, too frivolous, too clumsy. And, he was probably right. He had been a bloody professor for Merlin’s sake! Meanwhile, she was the girl who would pretend to be professors to pull pranks and end up in detention with a Howler from home the next day.

Not to mention the issue of Sirius. She had never known exactly what had gone on between Remus and her cousin in the past. But, after Remus’s reaction to Sirius’s death, she was fairly certain their relationship had not been strictly platonic. These thoughts of Sirius caused her to shake even more. A few stray tears slid down her cheeks. It was her fault he was dead.

She relived the fight at the Department of Mysteries every day. Her biggest failure. What could she have done differently? What curses or hexes had she forgotten? If she had been a better dueler, a better Auror, would Sirius still be alive today? Surely, Remus had asked himself similar questions. So, Tonks resigned herself to the sad truth: even if Remus felt anything towards her, he would never want to be with the witch whose incompetence had led to the death of one of the only people on Earth he had ever loved.

Her minute was up. Tonks pushed herself off of the floor. She leaned over the sink and stared in the mirror. Her hair, which often involuntarily changed color to reflect her mood, had reverted to its natural mousy brown. Right now, she possessed neither the desire nor the energy to turn it back to pink. With one hand still gripping the basin of the sink, she turned on the faucet. For a moment, she just stood there, listening to the water run. She took a deep breath and splashed a few handfuls of cold water on her face. Returning to the bedroom, she was determined to force any longing thoughts concerning Remus from her mind. Constant vigilance, she repeated to herself, policing her stream of consciousness in order to banish all romantic inclinations. Although, somehow, she was certain this was not quite what Mad-Eye had had in mind when he coined the phrase.

“You should try and get some sleep,” she remarked as she exited the bathroom, feigning a casual tone. “You take the bed. I’ll put some blankets on the floor.”

He propped himself up on his elbows to look at her properly. “Don’t be ridiculous, Tonks. You just saved my life. You’re not sleeping on the floor. This is a king-sized bed, there’s plenty of room for the both of us.”

Great, just great. Why did this man have to be so goddamn chivalrous? So much for ignoring the mess going on in her brain and…other regions… Sharing a bed was not going to make this situation any easier. Maybe if she possessed more willpower, she would have told him no—insisted that she sleep on the floor, or went downstairs to check out another room. But she didn’t. Instead of making what would have undoubtedly been the more responsible decision, she began to remove her shoes and bloodstained clothes to join the half-naked subject of her pining under the blankets.

The two partners sat in silence for a prolonged moment, both staring up at the ceiling to avoid meeting the other’s gaze. Tonks mentally kicked herself. This was getting ridiculous. There was no reason why she should be acting like a schoolgirl. She was an Auror: an elite wizarding warrior. She ate Death Eaters for breakfast. Surely, she held the capacity to brave the awkward territory into which they were entering. She turned to face him, sitting herself crisscross with her feet on the mattress. “So…love potion, eh?”

He chuckled lightly, relieved at the break in the tension. “I suppose I did promise you a bedtime story, didn’t I?”

“It really is the least you could do. Seeing as I saved your life and all, Lupin.”

“Fair enough, but I’m afraid I made the tale sound a lot more interesting than it actually was.”

Tonks raised her eyebrows. “Spill.”

“In my 5th year, some admirer of Sirius’s—I should note he had plenty of them—gave him some fire whiskey for Christmas. I told him not to drink it. Naturally, I assumed he had tossed it out after my warning. But then, one night, he and I were in our room and fancied a drink. Sirius opened a bottle of fire whiskey, which, as you can probably guess, was the bottle he had received from the girl. We drank it. Needless to say, when Peter and James found us later that evening, we were in quite a state—blabbering on about a ‘Michelle Thompson’ or something like that. We had started a duel over which one of us would get to ask her to Hogsmeade. I had cast Levicorpus and Sirius was hanging upside-down in mid-air when they arrived. Well, James and Peter had a right laugh, but then, being the good friends that they were, used James’s invisibility cloak to sneak down to the Dungeons and fix up an antidote. When I came to, they told me what had happened. Obviously, I was quite reluctant to drink or eat anything Sirius offered me for a long time after that.”

Tonks giggled. “Sounds like something Sirius would do, drink something given to him by a strange woman without thinking. Reminds me of the time Charlie Weasley almost ate a tainted chocolate frog before a Quidditch match. Some Slytherin bloke had them delivered by owl the morning before the game. Unmarked. I had to slap it out of his hand! Turns out it was filled with undiluted Bubotuber pus! He would’ve been out commission for weeks! But, even after we found all that out, he was still cross with me for ruining his chocolate frog! How thick can you be?!? I mean I know sometimes Mad-Eye’s methods are a bit out there, but, you’ve gotta admit, the bloke’s got a point about never eating or drinking something you didn’t make yourself.” Tonks was cracking up, fondly remembering the look of innocent disappointment on Charlie’s face. She snorted. Her hands instantly flew to cover her mouth, eyes wide. What kind of noise was that? She didn’t even have her pig snout on!

To her surprise and delight, Remus smiled and laughed alongside her. For a second. Suddenly, the weight of death hung heavy in the room. Their laughing ceased. The pair looked away from each other once again.

“You and Sirius were close, huh,” Tonks remarked, emotionless. She turned back to face him. He gave a quick nod, still avoiding meeting her gaze. She would not pry.

“You know, in some ways, you’re very much like him. You both have the same devil-may-care attitude, the same penchant for troublemaking.”

She noticed he used the present tense.

“I’d never met him before the Order. Mum was banished from the family once she married Dad, y’know. But if she ever mentioned the Blacks, she would tell me he was her favorite,” Tonks reminisced.

She remembered the last days she had spent with Sirius at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. They had laughed and drank themselves silly, destroying as many Black Family heirlooms as they could get their hands on. She had asked him for advice about her Order missions—not because she had really required it, but because she could tell her questions made him feel needed. She was pretty sure he known then about her developing crush on Remus. But, he showed no signs of jealousy or animosity towards her. Instead, he would flash sly smiles and wink at her whenever Remus was near. “Moony’s a good bloke,” he had cryptically remarked during one of their final afternoons together, after he had caught her staring.

Those conversations with her now-dead cousin seemed ages away. The guilt resurfaced once again, swelling in her chest, snapping her back to the present.

“It’s not your fault,” Remus gently whispered. Feeling tears pricking in her eyes, she furiously blinked, attempting to ebb their flow.

“That he’s…that he died. It isn’t. Bellatrix was after Sirius. I hate to admit it, but she may be a better dueler than the whole Order put together. She would have gotten him regardless, it was all set up. She would have done anything to kill him. She hated him. If it’s anyone’s fault that Sirius is dead, it’s mine. I should have known something was wrong. I should never have let him leave that house.”

“But he was dying there, too,” Tonks replied, her voice breaking. “He was dying every day he couldn’t be out fighting with us. There was nothing anyone could have done. He had to leave that house eventually. I would have done the exact same thing. It’s a shame we all didn’t wise up sooner.”

Another heavy silence filled the room. “He told me you were a good man, Remus.”

Silence again. And then, “He said the same about you.”

She raised a questioning eyebrow.

He continued. “I mean, clearly, you are a very kind, very beautiful woman…” he trailed off. Some part of Tonks was elated that he had called her beautiful. Another part was ashamed for feeling elated. They were discussing a dead guy, for Merlin’s sake!

His next remark was so quiet she wasn’t sure he had really spoken at all. “He said he approved.”

“Approved of what?”

Instead of responding to her question, he said: “I told you earlier that you’re a lot like him. But you are different in many ways, too.”

“Oh?” She tried to hide some of her disappointment. Was this his way of telling her he wasn’t interested?

He stared intensely into her eyes. “Sirius tried to do everything in his power to distance himself from expectations. He worked very hard to be seen as different, and cared very much about how others saw him, despite appearances. But you don’t feel bound by anyone’s expectations. You don’t care what others think of you. You’re unapologetically whoever you want to be, your own person. You’re unique, Dora. It’s one of the things I love most about you.”

She couldn’t quite remember what had followed. An infinitesimal shift of a body. A creak of a bed spring. A gentle kiss. Then more. She briefly broke away. “I think I’m in love with you, Remus.”

He pulled her closer into him, now both sitting up. Their kisses deepened, becoming frantic and hungry—quite unlike any kisses she had experienced before. Careful not to disturb his still-healing wounds, she ran her hands over the uninjured parts of his chest, feeling the lean muscle below her fingertips. She felt his hands respond in turn. Electricity coursed through her veins. All thoughts fled her mind. It was just the two of them, wrapped up together on the old hotel bed. She glanced at him in between breathless kisses, questioning. He met her eyes and nodded. “I think I’m in love with you too, Dora.”

They both grinned as she straddled him, as gently as she could…

Tonks gazed at the sleeping man beside her, attempting to memorize every feature of his face. He looked so peaceful, so carefree, when he slept. There was no telling what would happen when he woke: if he would express regrets, tell her he couldn’t be with her, admit he had made a mistake. Maybe she was a daft idiot for sleeping with her partner. Maybe he would reject her, using their age difference or his werewolf status as excuses for why they would never work. She honestly didn’t know what she would do if he said any of those things. It could be the beginning or the end for them. But at this moment, she forced herself to remain in the present, to remain in the warmth of Remus, his arms wrapped protectively around her waist. She kissed his forehead before dozing off into a blissful, dreamless sleep. Free.

#remadora #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #remus x tonks #Harry Potter #hp fanfic #hp #hp ootp #hp hbp #Harry Potter and the half blood prince #Harry Potter and the order of the phoenix #My writing

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windschildfanfictionwriter · 5 years

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What type of scenes make you want to reread them over and over again? What type of scenes makes you roll your eyes? What was the last scene or story that made you ugly cry?

What type of scenes make you want to reread them over and over again?

Reveals are big for me. I LOVE when the author has kept MC’s secret nice and safe for a good chunk of the book and THEN there is a dramatic reveal. I will reread that long after the sun has set.

BAMF moments featuring my favorite characters especially against a particularly vicious villain. There’s this scene in a fanfic from 15? Years ago between this kid and this homophobic and the kid is trying to get people to sign his petition for gay marriage so that he can be legally adopted and the interaction between him and the crowd is just so freaking cool. I’ve reread it probably a couple hundred times. Ron against the Puppet Master in Within These Walls. Absolutely great.

Camaraderie between characters. [Why I love ‘Within These Walls’ so much] and Order of the Phoenix. The Pendragon series in how Bobby and Mark and Courtney are just… there for each other. The Percy Jackson series for obvious reasons. Accidental Sorcerer. All amazing when it comes to the characters being there for each other.

Humor: I adore stories that have a humorous edge. Stories that don’t take themselves too seriously. ‘How to Save a Kingdom’ comes to mind. ‘Goblin Quest’ is another. Quirky Main protagonists. Like… can you imagine Harry Potter but from Luna Lovegood’s perspective? That would be the ultimate rewrite.

What type of scenes makes you roll your eyes?

Over dramatic beatings: When a character just has the shit beaten out of them and it’s like… a daily thing despite how they should clearly be in the hospital.

Cutting: Right off the bat we have a teen cutting themselves. No lead up. No flow. No going into how depression sunk in. Nope. No development. Just… an angsty teen cutting for no apparent fucking reason at all. Que the violin.

Romance out of nowhere: Can we have a sip of teenage stupidity? Here we go. No chemistry between them, no lead up. I guess its better to say that bad writing makes me roll my eyes? I need to know these characters before I feel the butterflies of them getting together or not getting together (which is already pretty darn hard for my ace heart anyways).

Suicide thoughts: This is such a serious thing that it bothers me a great deal with it’s done in a melodramatic light. When it appears more as a fad than a serious demonstration of depression.

Scenes where the characters are in a group and they all sound the same.

Writing or movie scenes zeroing in on how much Ron eats. Like fuck man, he’s a growing teenage boy, is this necessary? Now here’s a kid whose bound to develop an eating disorder with all the judgement you guys thrust upon him. Damn.

Gender ‘Equality;’ Any show of a female or a male ‘power’ that has to put down the opposite sex in order to do it. A true demonstration of female or male strength comes from standing on their own merit, not making fun of, humiliating or putting down another person.

Characters who have clearly been changed to be the Author or for their needs rather than Cannon. I don’t really understand why someone would want to change a character instead of just creating their own or self-inserting. If you love these characters then why would you change them? For me, Fanfiction is about exploring the world itself or the characters in ‘what if’ situations. If I want to create an original character then I do. If I want to create a world all my own, then I do.

But to love a character so much only to destroy who they are? No. I really despise that and it always makes me roll my eyes when I see something like Draco suddenly flirting with a muggleborn or Hermione being portrayed as a victim of abuse (have you met Hermione? She would never allow herself to be treated that way!)

Another bit is stories written in first person point of view. If you are just starting out writing, please, avoid first-person point of view like the plague. You need to distance yourself from your characters when you are first writing otherwise it just sounds as if you are self-inserting instead of writing the character. I’ve only seen a handful of first-person fanfictions one of which involved a blind character and it was so brilliantly written that I am stunned by its writing every time I go back.

What was the last scene or story that made you ugly cry?

It was a story from the Merlin Fandom: It was this great little one-shot about Merlin and his grandfather. Merlin, in the show, is well known to lose everything and everyone he loves one by one. By the season finale, you’re ready to throw down to get this boy some love. Well, the fandom is primarily made up of adults, so the writing is of much better quality than a lot of fandoms and this piece in particular really got to me. Merlin lost his parents and went to live with his grandfather, who was very old, and the story follows the two as they get closer and as the grandfather’s health begins to decline. As Merlin becomes a young man he starts to sell the library in the house and all the furniture in order to help pay for the medical bills. When the grandfather finally passes, it’s a few days before his eighteenth birthday, everything in the house (including the house itself) is gone and Merlin is left in a hospital with a small box and nothing else. I balled my eyes out so hard at this beautifully written scene, and it was made even better because it actually ended on a good note. With Arthur (King Arthur of Camelot), noticing the boy and feeling a tug to help. Arthur offers Merlin a place to stay and ends up saving Merlin in a way similar to how Merlin saved Arthur many times in the series. Absolutely breath taking one-shot.

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aion-rsa · 5 years

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The Infinite Noise: Interview with Lauren Shippen

https://ift.tt/2MVLsCz

We talked to author Lauren Shippen about adapting science fiction podcast The Bright Sessions into new novel The Infinite Noise.

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Superpowered stories tends to focus on the external powers more than the internal when it comes to powers. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Sometimes you gotta run before you can walk. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. (Bruce isn't talking about the emotional repercussions of pissing someone off here.)

Enter The Infinite Noise by Lauren Shippen, a novel adaptation—the first in a planned three—of Shippen's award-winning The Bright Sessions podcast. The teen-centric novel follows Caleb, a football player who develops the supernatural ability to feel others' emotions. This is a different kind of coming-of-age superpowered story: one that looks at the unique struggles and strengths of the very internal superpower of hyper-empathy.

As you can imagine, having hyper-empathy in high school, where emotions tend to be unpredictable, intense, and often overwhelming, comes with a steep learning curve. Luckily, Caleb has some help in the form of his therapist, Dr. Bright, who specialized in helping Atypcials (those with superhuman abilities) like Caleb and his classmate Adam, a bookish boy from school whose emotions tend to calm Caleb down.

Told in the alternating POVs of both Caleb and Adam, The Infinite Noise is a quieter superpowered tale with nuanced depictions of mental illness, queer romance, and masculinity. We had the chance to talk to Lauren Shippen about translating this complex story from one medium to another, what inspired her to tell this story, and where this world is headed next. Here's what she told us...

Den of Geek: The Infinite Noise is based off of your science fiction podcast. Can you tell me about how that project started originally?

Absolutely. Yeah. I've been in LA for six years and I initially was out here because I wanted to continue to work in television, but I was also an actor. I had been in acting class for a couple of years and auditioning, and kind of doing the whole actor hustle of working at a restaurant and doing web series and short films and all that kind of stuff.

And I was just really frustrated with the roles that were available to me and the kind of breakdowns I was seeing for, specifically, women. And the scripts I was reading, and I was in an acting class with some just incredible actors and had been listening to Welcome to Night Vale, the audio fiction podcasts. And I just decided to try something on my own, to try and make something on my own. And a podcast seemed like something I could manage on my own. So, I of started writing it and then it just was really fun to do. And so, we kept doing more of it and I fell in love with writing and then, fast forward four years now, I'm a full-time podcast writer, which is kind of crazy.

I mean that's how all writers start, right? You're just like, I want to write something. And you do.

Yeah, exactly. And I think, honestly, I think the fact that there were such low stakes in the beginning because it was just an experiment and it was supposed to just be for creative fulfillment and for fun, that kind of allowed me to, I think, be a little less critical of myself as a writer and just say like, 'Okay, well, it doesn't need to be good. It just has to be what I want to do and it'll be out there.' Whereas, I think if I tried to—just because of the person I am—tried to write something to be successful, I think I would have probably gotten too caught up in perfectionism.

Yeah. Or if they were like, 'Here, write a Marvel podcast...'

Yeah. Even now I'm like, are you sure?

The fact that I got to write a podcast for @Marvel is WILD and a major career high. Having @MrPaulBae direct it, @mischaetc sound designing it, and THIS CAST?!??! You%u2019ve got to be kidding me I%u2019m on cloud nine https://t.co/YIkQwdQ15d

— Lauren Shippen (@laurenshippen) August 14, 2019

Yeah. So, I've seen the podcast referred, in a few different places, as X-Men meets some form of therapy example. And I'm curious if you grew up as a fan of speculative fiction.

Definitely. Science fiction and fantasy were always huge for me growing up. I was really into fantasy as a kid. The Lost Years of Merlin series by T. A. Barron was my main. T. A. Barron actually read Infinite Noise and gave me a really nice quote that'll be on the back cover. So, I'm so stoked. He's just the greatest man. He's wonderful.

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But, yeah, those were the books that got me into reading and got me into especially like, chapter books. I read them when I was maybe like seven or eight and then, of course, Harry Potter came out and I got super into that. And then, when I was a little bit older, His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman. And I just loved the magical world of all of those books and then started to get into monster books, things like that. Of course, Twilight and A Great and Terrible Beauty, and all those series that were coming out and really popular in the mid-2000s.

And then, in high school, I discovered television and watched all of The X-Files through Netflix DVDs because that was what Netflix used to be. I ordered the DVDs and watched it CD by CD in four episode chunks, it took forever.

And having to wait and you're like I need the next one now.

Yeah. Having to be very strategic because you could get two discs at a time, so I would get two discs of The X-Files, eight episodes. So, it's like I would watch one disc and send that back in so, hopefully, by the time I was watching the second disc, finish that up-

Yeah, you need a strategy.

A new disc. Exactly. Time it out perfectly. So, yeah, I got super into The X-Files and Twin Peaks, which isn't necessarily like speculative fiction, but I think because it's has fantastical magical realism elements. And then also getting into all the Joss Whedon shows like Buffy and Angel, and everything. Oh, the other big one was Battlestar Galactica, the remake, which I just adored.

I think the thing for me with all of those shows and kind of what was foremost in my mind in starting The Bright Sessions was taking these really human characters and putting them in these superhuman circumstances and seeing how they react. So, kind of, using vampires, or space, or aliens, or monsters as basically, an abstract way to deal with very human issues, like love and loss, and betrayal, and relationships.

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As somebody who has been struggling with panic and anxiety since I was a kid, the idea of taking my own panic attacks and kind of framing that—which is really the start of The Bright Sessions: the character, Sam who time travels when she has panic attacks—taking that framework and saying, 'Okay, well what if we took this very human experience and turned it into something extra human and talked about it that way?' Because just talking about panic attacks, as somebody who has panic attacks bummed me out. I don't want to do that.

It's like, I want to read this, but also trigger warning. It is about panic attacks.

Yeah, whereas like, 'Oh, well, what if I time traveled when I had panic attacks voluntarily? What would that be like? How can I use that as a metaphor?' So, I think, yeah, really talking about very human issues through things that humans don't experience, has always been, I think, a way in for me of understanding emotions and character dynamics, and just the world.

Hard same. So, I want to know about that decision to turn The Bright Sessions into a trilogy of books. When did that happen and why did that happen?

Yeah, it's funny, it happened in a couple of different stages. I'd been working on The Bright Sessions for a little while when it was starting to gain traction, and there was some interest around, have you thought about adapting it to TV? Have you thought about adapting it to books? And I kind of had conversations with some folks and, but then my book agent, or who became my book agent, Matthew Elblonk reached out to me and we hopped on the phone to talk about it. Like I said, I had been having these conversations with various people and I got on the phone with him and we talked for like an hour, and we totally clicked, and he completely understood what The Bright Sessions was and was really excited about the story and the possibilities within the novel space.

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So, he asked, have you ever thought about adapting this into novel form? And because we just clicked instantly, I was honest and I was like, actually I've already started writing something. Because when I was writing the first season and then the first 15 episodes of the podcast... writing prose is the only writing experience I had up until writing the first script of The Bright Sessions. Being such a big reader growing up, and now I would write a lot of short stories and half finished novels.

It's funny, I found a notebook the other week that had the novel I wrote when I was at 14, all the world building stuff. And I was looking at it and I was like, oh my God, I just stole this from The Lost Years of Merlin. This is just The Lost Years of Merlin fanfiction.

You've got to start somewhere.

Exactly. But, of course, I it didn't have the knowledge or wherewithal when I was 12 to know what fanfiction was and actually just do that. So, I came up with my own original idea, because I thought that it wasn't just fanfiction.

So, yeah, that was like comfortable with. And so, when I started The Bright Sessions, and now that I've written two books and written over probably not, but at this point, a hundred scripts of episodes. I definitely am more comfortable with writing scripts, in some sense.

But, when I started The Bright Sessions, one of the characters I was writing Caleb, who is one of the main characters in Infinite Noise, he's talking to this other boy in his class and they're kind of figuring out, they're exploring this dynamic and also Caleb has this and empathability that's so interior. And I just, I was having a hard time figuring out how to express what he was experiencing and also was frustrated by the fact that I had created this format in which we would be hearing about Adam from Caleb, but we would never be hearing from Adam.

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I didn't know that Adam was going to eventually be in the podcast when I started. I ended up having him in the podcast because I wanted to set up a phone call that's also in the book. And then, when we got Alex Gallner to do the lines just for that episode, I was like, wait a second, this is so fun and you're so good at this. Let's just do this.

So, I just started writing just for myself what became, I think chapters five and six of the book. I started writing that and some other things just of Caleb experiencing this empathability very directly. And then, also then swapping five and getting Adam's perspective on Caleb, and the way the Adam experiences the world, and the way that Adam experiences his emotions versus the way that Caleb experiences those same emotions from Adam.

And I gave it to Briggon [Snow], when we started working together, who played Caleb just as like, this is 30 pages of something, but here you go. And it's just a little bit more context. And then, I got swept up in writing the podcast and kind of just left it. But, it was always there lingering in the back of my mind.

Then, when Matthew reached out and asked if I had been thinking about writing a book, I was like, actually like I don't know what you'd been thinking. Most people I've talked to want adult science fiction, but I actually love young adult fiction and I still read it as a 28-year-old, and I started this book and I would love to do more of it. I just don't know how to do this.

And so yes, I sent it to him and we started talking about it and I started to dive back into it. And then, thankfully, Tor Teen was into doing it with me. And, by that point, I had these ideas for these two other books that dive deep on these other characters. Because that, to me, is the benefit of the written word versus audio fiction: you can go really deep into the interior life of a character in a way that you can't in a podcast that doesn't have inner monologue or a narrator.

Was it hard for you to choose which characters you wanted to focus on for the books? I haven't listened to the podcast, but it seems like you have a lot of different characters you could have chosen from.

Yeah, it's funny. It wasn't, actually.

I think, once we realized that it was going to be a young adult trilogy, or just a series of young adult books, that eliminated some characters. I tried some ideas about doing some stuff about Dr. Bright, the therapist, and that would have definitely been like an adult fiction thing. There were certain characters that are very near and dear to my heart that I was just like, I don't think I want to tell their story in a book form.

The main one, one of the main characters, Sam, time travels. That's one of those characters where, because she is me and I am her and I've been on this journey with her of both writing her character and performing her character, I'm like, 'Yeah, I don't ever need to explore her world in other mediums.' I feel like I have this relationship with her and I live that experience, so I don't necessarily think that I need to dive into it.

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And then, the other main character from the first season is Chloe, who is the mind reader. The challenge of writing her ability in dialogue was always really fun and really frustrating. And she actually appears in The Infinite Noise. She's a character in The Infinite Noise. Writing her internal monologue when she's hearing other people's thoughts, I was just like, that sounds too daunting and too confusing as a novel.

So, the two characters that I chose, the third one is Rose, who appears much later in the series. She appears for the first time in season three and then becomes a larger character in season four, our final season. And she's a dream walker. She can go into people's dreams. Episode 50 of The Bright Sessions is a musical episode in which she goes into people's dreams. It was really fun to do.

I mean, I already wanted to listen to it, but now, I extra want to listen to it.

Now you're sold?

Yeah.

Yeah, that was a dream come true. I'm a huge musical theater nerd and so me and my composer wrote this musical together and it was, yeah, it was such a blast. And yeah, for Rose I was like, oh, I really want to explore what that's like. Some of that, through the looking glass dream world, and she kind of gets addicted to it. And so, that's the book that I haven't haven't written yet, but I'm really excited to dive in, especially since she's, out of the three novels, she's the character that we know least about from the podcast.

So, it's a little bit more of an open sandbox because by the time that I was ideating what the novel would be, Rose had barely been introduced. Whereas Caleb, Adam, and Damien, who we'll talk about in a second, had all kind of established things already. And then, with Infinite Noise, I kind of worked within this timeline that I had created, which sometimes caused some difficulties, whereas with Rose it's a much more kind of open playing field, which is really fun.

And then, the novel I just finished a couple months ago, a second book, is about Damien, who was one of the main antagonists of the series and a very, very divisive character, and meant to be that way. His ability is that he can manipulate emotion. So, basically, whatever he wants, he makes people around him want also. So, if he wants people to like him, they'll like him, if he wants people to give him money, they'll give him money. But the trick is that it's not mind control. He's always trying to like say that it's mind control, but it's not. He has to actually really want the thing himself in order for it to be influencing other people.

So, it's kind of this imperfect mind control thing. He's influenced a lot by Spike from Buffy in aesthetic and attitude. But I think what I wanted to explore was that archetype and media of the smooth-talking bad boy who gets what he wants and complicating that a little bit.

read more: Buffy — An Episode Roadmap For Beginners

And, also, what happens when that man doesn't want to redeem himself? A lot of times we see that character and they are glorified and redeemed simply by the nature of being a cis-gender straight white man usually. And it's like, well, what happens if that person doesn't make an active choice in their own redemption? The way that, for instance, Spike did. Does he deserve to be redeemed?

And that's why he's a really divisive character because some people are like, 'Oh, you should have redeemed him, he had a hard life, he should get another chance.' And then, other people are like, 'Let them burn in hell.'

It's really fun because that was exactly what I was hoping to do: what if we treat the person like an actual person, not just an archetypal character and have the people around him interact with him in a way that like, yeah, you would be mad if someone basically gaslit you and influenced you all the time. Even if they were also lonely and sad, like someone being lonely and sad is not an excuse for that behavior. And so, kind of confronting that a little bit more.

Did you have an answer to that question when you started writing?

No, I don't even have an answer to that question now. Not to spoil the end of the podcast for you, but I leave his story in a very open place in terms of like: okay, well he hasn't made the active choices to change his behavior at this point. But, he could potentially, but he won't be able to with these people, because he's already burned these bridges.

Somebody who's essentially the victim of abuse is not in charge of redeeming their own abuser. It doesn't mean that person can't be redeemed, but it's not the survivor's responsibility for that. I think that's a question that I'm not even sure I had when I started writing Damien, and then working with Charlie Ian who plays him in the podcast and kind of growing that character and seeing how he interacted with the other actors and characters. He turned into this really multilayered, interesting character that I love deeply, even though he almost does nothing but mess up and make the wrong choice.

read more: Rebel by Marie Lu — Exclusive Excerpt

So, for the second novel, it's a prequel. It takes place 10 years before the events of The Bright Sessions. And it's kind of a look at 18-year-old Damien who has been abandoned, basically, by everybody in his life. And he arrives in Los Angeles trying to start fresh and not abuse his ability because he's not an evil person, but he can't help it, and he can't help that he's influencing people.

And so, how do you exist in a world when everything around you is giving you privilege that you didn't ask for? And do you ultimately try to fight against it or try to use it for good or do you abuse it? And so, that's the story of the second novel is, almost like a villain origin story. But, rather than just him being out and out bad or a hateful character or something, it's really him grappling with this reality of his life that he can't do anything about, but that he can react to in different ways and what choice is he ultimately going to make?

That sounds great. I'm looking forward to that.

So, you mentioned before writing within the timeline for The Infinite Noise. Does that mean that you mostly stuck to the existing story from the podcast?

Yeah, I wouldn't say that there are any huge deviations, because I didn't want to completely shift the course of the story. But, there definitely are little small deviations simply by the nature of what you're able to do in a book that you're not able to do in a podcast.

For instance, we define certain things about Adam's experiences that are not defined in the podcast and we get to meet their families in a way that we don't in the podcast. There are scenes that happened in the podcast that also take place in the book and there are light tweaks of dialogue, and slight shifts to how things happen. I think it's one of those things that eagle eye listeners will notice, but that hopefully for the most part will be not jarring to big fans of the podcast, but also still kind of do all the things that a book needs to do for a new reader of being cohesive and tracking along a consistent storyline.

And so, it was really just about finding that balance and making sure that it wasn't straying too far from the story that made these characters who they are, but then also making sure that it could still flow within the structure of a book.

Well, I love Caleb's character so much.

Thank you.

Adam's great, too, but for some reason I really latched onto Caleb. I think maybe part of that is because you were speaking about archetypes before and having this male jock stereotype, which we see so often and is often so simplistic, complicated in this book in lots of different ways. Most probably obviously, having him be an empath, which is usually something that's associated with traditional femininity. So, I just love that. And I'm assuming that this was something that was at least somewhat intentional when you were creating this character. I'm just curious what you wanted to complicate about the male jock stereotype or typical depictions of masculinity, in general.

Yeah, absolutely. I think a lot of that was intentional from the beginning. Definitely in picking the characters in the beginning, on those two, three pages in the beginning it was Sam, Caleb and Chloe and Sam, like I said, just came out of my own experiences and the idea of okay, well one is a time traveler, but they can only observe. And they also don't get to choose when they time travel. Because I think time travel is one of those cool abilities that everybody would want, but it's like what if it sucks? And it was kind of those what if's. Well, what if a mind reader, but it was someone who wanted to see the best in every single person, even after hearing their innermost, dark thoughts? What would that person be like?

And then, what if a jock, but then emotional? I think taking those things that, again for me, feel like very human struggles of there are people who are confronted with the worst the world has to offer and are still optimistic and hopeful and believe the best in every person that they meet, despite potential actions. And that's Chloe. There are people, like myself, who want a lot of control because of anxiety, but that's not how the world works. And so, how do you live with that? And then there are lots of people who are hyper masculine people, and that doesn't mean that they don't have this full range and depth of human emotion. And the idea of masculinity not being something that detracts from emotionality, but kind of focusing on the good traits of masculinity. I think, especially for Caleb, the thing that I realized that I was doing subconsciously about halfway through writing The Bright Sessions was, 'Oh, huh, the thing that I care most about, I think, is toxic masculinity.'

read more: Check, Please! — The Queer Hockey Web Comic You Should Be Reading

Just realizing that was a thing that's coming up and up and up again in The Bright Sessions and just in my writing, like I'm really fascinated with with the spectrum of masculinity and the good traits and the bad traits, because there's positive masculinity and there's toxic masculinity, and it's the same thing for femininity. The only difference is that toxic masculinity has ruled so much of our society for so long. And so, we all have to, I do think that there's something, there is like a toxic femininity, right? Like there is like the standards that women are held to are, or people who are female-bodied or whatever, it can be very toxic. But, the difference is that male-presenting people are not necessarily confronted with toxic femininity in the same way that female-presenting people or people in the world who are not male are confronted with toxic masculinity.

And, so, it's this thing that we all have to deal with. And I think that, in my mind, one of the ways to talk about that productively is to talk about the fact that masculinity can also be a good thing. Masculine traits and feminine traits, I think, people traditionally think of them as being tied to sex and gender and it's like, 'No, like they're just catchall terms for these types of traits that we talk about.' But, I'm a cis woman and I have feminine traits and I have masculine traits and, to me, the positive masculine traits are things like protectiveness and loyalty and bravery and that can be embodied in anybody of any gender.

Whereas, toxic masculinity is something that tends to be embodied by men and people who are socialized with men. And so, grappling with all of that spectrum and keeping somebody like Caleb who's played by Briggon who was a huge influence on who Caleb became as a character, and also like me, is really fascinated by all of these ideas of masculinity. Briggon is a very masculine guy who's married to a man and loves musical theater. In the way that Caleb is complicating people's traditional ideas about masculinity, I think that's something that Briggon and I, as people who have both masculine and feminine traits as other people would see it, that's something we're really interested in.

And so, yeah, I think, for me, making Caleb the traditional masculine jock and saying like, 'Okay, but he's not going to have toxic masculine traits. He's just going to have the positive stuff and then he's also going to have all these things that are traditionally associated with women and femininity and it doesn't take away from his masculinity, and also his masculinity doesn't take away from the femininity. Those two things can live side-by-side.' I don't know if any of that was coherent.

It was very coherent. Have you ever read the web comic, or I guess it's also published now, Check, Please!?

Yes. I love Check, Please!

What you were saying makes me think about Check, Please!

Totally. Yeah. Jack is very much like a kind of, very stoic and quiet, and Bitty's a bit more of like the more emotionally upfront, wears his heart on his sleeve. I think that's like thinking about masculinity and Adam.

read more: Interview with Check, Please Creator Ngozi Ukazu

Adam, you would look at him probably and think like, 'Okay well, he's kind of like this skinny emo kid, a bit of a nerd.' It's also that like strong masculine thing, but I think Adam has the less good masculine traits. Where he doesn't want to talk about his feelings all the time. He's very closed off in a lot of ways, which is often associated with masculine traits. And so, how that kind of indirect contrast to Caleb, and actually Caleb's empathy, and these things that he has that are more associated with femininity actually give Adam strength and let him be vulnerable.

Vulnerability, I think, being a positive thing for all people is always what I'm trying to stay with those characters.

Yes. And you also have therapy at the center of both the podcast and the novel. And that's, obviously, another conversation we need to have more of in mainstream culture and feels particularly missing from superhero or superpowered stories, which are everywhere and often feature characters that experience a lot of trauma and then just don't talk about it.

In translating the story from podcast to novel form, were you at all nervous about losing the centering of that aspect? Because it seems like, structurally, it was so built into the podcast, but you have so much more room to explore the world with the novel.

Yeah, I think absolutely Caleb and Adam were the right people to start with, for me, in bringing the podcast into a novel form, because the podcast eventually starts to step away from the therapy format, as well, and kind of expand the world a little bit more. But, it is always centered around Dr. Bright and her practice and the people that she's working with.

And, for me, the thing I love about Caleb and Adam is that, even when they're outside of the therapy room, because we never go with Adam to therapy, but he talks about being in therapy and then he went to a summer group therapy program and has been struggling with depression, and self-harm for a lot of his adolescence. And his parents are doctors. So, it's a little bit more for him immediately when we meet him. And then, Caleb is kind of newer to it, but it's really productive for him and I think he can, it's a little bit less scary because he has this superpower thing that he has to deal with that other people don't have to deal with.

And so, the fact that for both of those characters therapy is just part of their lives, kind of helps ground the story that, yes, has therapy in it in the book, but it's not the central focus. It's about emotion. And it's always about the way in which we relate to one another and the way that we express ourselves. And that's very much, to me, a lot of what therapy's about. So, even when Caleb is not in the therapy room with Dr. Bright, still kind of carrying those things with him and Adam is too, and they're figuring it out together.

read more: Vengeful by V.E. Schwab Review

It's interesting because the second book has no therapy in it. And that was really interesting and really challenging. There's a couple of different cameos in Infinite Noise from podcast characters, of course, Dr. Bright, and then Chloe appears, Damien actually does appear very briefly. Frank is another character in the podcast, and they all appear in various ways. Oh, Wadsworth, too, one of the main antagonists of the series.

And the second book is just Damien. He's the only podcast character that we are familiar with. And so, I think it was nice to kind of ease into that front of doing Infinite Noise of like, 'Okay, I'm going to figure out how this story works in a book. I want to have this figured out. Okay, now I can just fully go into this world, that I've now been in for several years, and can kind of just have this full open sandbox to run around in.'

Cool. I know that the podcast has also been optioned for a television series. Has there been any progress on that front?

We're still figuring it out. It takes a while to get to TV and to be completely honest, I've been so focused on audio fiction and on novels because those are the things that really excite me as a creator because you get a lot of control and you can collaborate in a way that I find really helpful and productive and fun. And yeah, I would love to eventually, get it to TV because it's a story I want to have even more accessible in the world, even more people getting exposure to it. But, it's definitely not my main priority at the moment.

Yeah, you've got a lot going on. Well, I already had this written down as a question, or kind of a joke question, but after talking to you as well, I was like could this please be a musical because I think it would make a good musical?

I would love to.

Perfect. It's a plan then. You can just do that in your free time.

Yeah, exactly. We already have like five songs.

Yeah, you're halfway there.

Exactly.

I've actually reached the end of my questions but I've also, like you've said so many things that have brought up other thoughts in my head, including have you read Vicious and Vengeful by V. E. Schwab?

Yes, so good.

Okay, because I feel like you guys, reading the book already reminded me of it a little bit and then hearing about your next book, I'm just like, oh my god, yes. Sounds like they'd be good book club buddies or something.

Absolutely. Reading Vicious was such a lesson in how to do villains and just so satisfying, and her writing is just so incredible. I'm obsessed, yeah.

Yeah. So cool. Do you have any other projects? I mean, we know the Marvel podcast, you're writing books, you have several audio podcasts going on outside of Marvel for your Atypical Artists, correct? What are you working on right now that is at the forefront of your mind or that you'd like people to check out or know about?

Yeah, so the thing we just wrapped up two weeks ago is our Bright Sessions spin-off, actually called The AM Archives, that is on Luminary, which is a podcast app. You don't need to listen to The Bright Sessions to listen to it, but it does pick up after The Bright Sessions ends and contains a couple of people's stories. But, it's really like a deeper look into The Atypical Monitors, which is a sketchy government organization that researches these superpowered people and it's a bit more adult and a bit more intense. Some stuff happens, so if you're looking for something a little bit more like breakneck speeds thriller...

read more: For V.E. Schwab, Vengeful Was a Struggle Worth the Effort

And then, the other project that my company Atypical Artists is doing is ARCS, which is a completely different thing. It's a D&D actual-play podcast. I don't run it, I just play in it. My CEO, Jordan Cope, is the DM and it's so much fun. It's very juicy. It's very fun.

And then, yeah, the Marvel project and the other project that I'm really excited I worked on last year is a show called Passenger List, that's coming out September 16th from Radiotopia and that stars Kelly Marie Tran, and Colin Morgan, and Patti LuPone. It's not my creation. It was created by John Dryden, an amazing British writer, and I got to co-produce and co-direct the whole thing with him, which was just a dream come true.

That sounds amazing. I'll definitely check that out, as well. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with me today. This was so fun.

Yeah, this was great. Thanks so much for your questions.

The Infinite Noise will hit bookshelves on September 24th and is now available to pre-order. You can find out more about Lauren Shippen on her website.

Kayti Burt is a staff editor covering books, TV, movies, and fan culture at Den of Geek. Read more of her work here or follow her on Twitter @kaytiburt.

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Interview Kayti Burt

Sep 4, 2019

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fthartwin · 7 years

Text

Day #4, Matching Soulmate Markings

Finals: *Are happening*

Me:

Harry Hart is a man of a different future. Not in the Back to the Future, science fiction sort of way, mind. He has no memory of the world he belonged in, which is both a blessing and a shame.

On his arm, same as everyone, is a dark circle. It's a seedling, one that is supposed to sprout in childhood and grow until you meet the person with the matching flora. Harry Hart marks his thirtieth birthday by getting well smashed and covering the dead thing with a tattoo of Kingsman's logo. It's not very creative, but he doesn't much care.

They say those whose seeds never sprout are the victims of changing times, of the fallibility of destiny. Harry Hart doesn't believe in destiny.

So of course, that's the year the damn thing sprouts, and he's not surprised at all by what it blooms into.

Eggsy's grown up with watercolor blue roses on his skin. It was a source of wonder in elementary school to those who had nothing but seeds or little green sprouts. Eggsy walked into kindergarten with two roses in full bloom that his t-shirt didn't cover, and all they did with time was spread.

He'd have looked them up if people didn't insist on telling him all about them, all the time.

So yeah, Eggsy knows the symbolism. Royalty, nobility, love at first sight, an immortalized romance. And the roses are fucking everywhere by high school, winding up from his wrist to his shoulder and spilling over onto his chest so the furthest one rests over his heart, so it's safe to say he's gonna be disgustingly gone on his soul mate in a disgustingly short time and proceed to never recover.

Which is just perfect, because if there's one constant in Eggsy's life, it's disappointment, and nobody will let him forget it. Unattainable. That's the real tragedy of the blue rose. They don't exist in nature. They can be dreamed of and yearned after, but not even science has managed to create one.

Eggsy's perfect love is going to be completely out of his reach.

When he meets Harry Hart, his fist thought is that he looks right unattainable.

Probably the hardest thing to shake about being from the wrong side of the tracks is that he's prone to accept defeat before he tries. Not for everything, but personal battles are lost before they start sometimes. So he doesn't ask Harry about his mark, doesn't show his own (except once in the barracks, that first night before their tracksuits came in, when he took off his shirt and Roxy, Digby, Amelia, everyone, stared), and generally decides to live with reality as he's been taught it will be.

Until he sees it.

It's the morning of the final test, and he finds Harry in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Whatever it is, it's made of eggs and smells amazing. But once he gets past the hazy warmth that floods his chest when he sees Harry framed by the soft glow of the morning sun, he catches sight of the other things being lit by it and nearly chokes on his own heart.

Watercolor blue, matching Eggsy's, winds its way up Harry's left forearm before disappearing under his rolled-up sleeve at the elbow. He's hard pressed to say he's ever seen a more agonizingly beautiful sight. Harry's his, then. It's not like he didn't know already, but having it writ so boldly is a whole different feeling.

"Eggsy?"

He blinks and realizes he's been staring dumbstruck while Harry had been talking.

"Huh?" he tears his eyes away to see that Harry's raised his eyebrows at him.

"Breakfast is nearly ready." Harry says, like it's not the first time he's done so.

"Oh. Thanks." Harry takes him in for a moment before glancing down at his hands like he's not sure what had so ensnared Eggsy's attention. Then he huffs and goes back to cooking.

"Ah. Quite striking, isn't it?"

"Sorry. Didn't mean to stare." Eggsy mumbles.

"It's alright. They're rather uncommon."

Well, if it's alright, Eggsy thinks, and goes right back to staring. It's not like he doesn't know every sharp line and splotch of color, but he wants to memorize the way they look on Harry's skin. At his wrist, where Eggsy assumes the thing started growing, is a gold tattoo of the Kingsman logo. Harry starts plating the food and talking at the same time.

"It sprouted when I was thirty," he says, and of course it did. Eggsy was born in '91 with a seed that waited a whole thirty seconds to crack open "I'd gotten rather drunk earlier in the year, thinking it wasn't going to sprout, and got a tattoo to cover the seed."

A dead seed. Eggsy's always known about his soul mate, but Harry's the opposite. He waited thirty years for Eggsy to show up, only to get the worst possible bloom. The moment hangs, and he almost yanks his sleeve up just to try and blot out the years where Harry must have thought he was alone. But he doesn't, because he's selfish and can't bear the thought that the rose's meaning, Eggsy's own personal prophecy, will come true.

Suddenly he feels sympathetic to those sods who always spouted off about the meanings of blue roses when he was growing up. What on earth do you say to someone who looks that wistful about their mark?

"It's real gorgeous though, yeah?" he blurts out instead of all the platitudes clambering for his attention in his head.

Harry falters a bit.

"Yes. I suppose it is."

And then Harry goes and dies, and Eggsy's never been angrier at himself for assuming he was unattainable because of their social status or age or Eggsy's failure.

His roses are blue because Harry dies before he gets the courage to say anything.

Blue roses, Eggsy finds, are just about the best mark to have for honey pot missions. Unattainable, his mark says, ironically making him the most temporarily attainable person in the room. Merlin gets a good look at it after V-day and Eggsy tells him to keep his fucking mouth shut, thanks, before he gets so much as a word out. Roxy doesn't know who it is - or was, because she was never that close with Harry.

So life goes on and he tries not to lament the fact that yeah, Harry fucking ruined him for anyone else like Eggsy always knew he would.

His life is all explosions and split-second world-alterations, which is good for him, he supposes. It keeps his mind off things.

But it means that the next time he sees Harry isn't at his funeral (empty casket, as the shit show that was the world in the days after V-day had seen hundreds of thousands of corpses burned to prevent the spread of disease).

The next time he sees Harry bloody Hart is through a security camera on a megalomaniac's fuckin' blimp.

His trashing of the whole place was apparently the distraction a certain prisoner needed to break out and wreck the left half of the ship while Eggsy fought his way to the control room. Eggsy freezes where he stands, which quickly drives Merlin to distraction. But he can't really be blamed - the cameras are so clear, showing Harry as he tears through the place like some kind of walking grenade. He's in plain clothes, no doubt they'd taken his suit at some point, fighting with his bare hands and whatever the mooks drop as he goes. Like a bandage or a scar, a blue rose - the same that had bloomed so suddenly on Eggsy - sits elegantly over his eyebrow.

"Fuck me." He breathes.

The plan is no longer viable. Eggsy'd been about to crash the blimp into the alps below and jump out with the one parachute he'd brought along.

"Merlin, we need a new plan."

"What-why?!"

That's when Eggsy realizes one of the bullets had grazed the camera in his glasses.

"Because-"

And then Harry, the madman, gets his hands on a gun and shoots a hole in the blimp. Eggsy's pretty sure blimps aren't supposed to unzip the way he can see it does on another of the monitors, so they must have been some spectacular bullets. Either that or the Germans learned absolutely nothing from the Hindenburg.

"Fucking - the blimp's going down right this bloody second. How do I get to - " he studies the corridor Harry's in for anything to hint at an exact location "Port side, by the engine room."

"Galahad, there's no time. You have to get out of there."

"Merlin, you can help me or I can try to get there myself with much worse odds of survival."

Merlin curses, but Eggsy hears the rapid ticks of his fingers across keys a second later.

"Go out the door and turn left. I'll direct you."

It's a damn near thing. The sharp angles of the mountain peaks are starting to look rather big when he starts to hear a struggle up ahead. He sees Harry seconds later, by the rent gash in the blimp's side struggling with the black-clad main muscle of the week.

"Harry! He shouts, and Merlin swears a blue streak in his ear.

"You've got about a thousand feet to impact, and you'd better believe that blimps fall a lot faster than people. Get out of there!" he says, more agitated even than during the Lancelot trial.

Which is exactly what Eggsy does, because the muscle fucking trips and both him and Harry topple out the side of the blimp.

The struggle doesn't last too long in the air since Harry's the only one of the two equipped to put aside the fact that he's plummeting to his death and keep fighting. Then he's falling alone, Eggsy terrifyingly far above him.

Their eyes lock. Harry's widen, and Eggsy sees his lips form his name. Eggsy drifts closer as the ground comes up to meet them, both reaching, and Harry's eyes get stuck on the rose on Eggsy's forehead.

"Eggsy, pull your shoot!" Merlin shouts.

It's like they're floating rather than falling, a hair out of reach as the wind whips past in a deafening roar.

Unattainable.

Fuck that.

Eggsy pulls out his gun and empties the clip behind him. It's enough to let him grab Harry from the air and drag him close enough to hang on when Harry pulls his shoot.

Their landing is not easy, but it's softened by the snow. Which is fucking freezing on Eggsy's skin, good god, but he doesn't care as he sits up from where he's landed on Harry and tries to find a way to touch all of him at once.

"Fuck, Harry, how-"

But Harry's hand comes to rest on the side of his face and he stops. Harry's thumb traces the edge of the rose on his forehead.

"You knew." Harry says by way of greeting. He sounds a bit flat in contrast to his reverent touch.

Eggsy makes a strangled noise in his throat and grabs Harry's face in his hands.

"You know what these mean, Harry. I didn't think you'd want me, for fucks sake. I ain't so vain that I can't see who's reaching here."

Harry looks so blindingly frustrated that Eggsy almost laughs at him. The blimp has made contact with the mountain range, a deafening sound of bending metal and displaced helium no doubt a precursor to fire.

"Had I been aware," Harry grits out, like he's going to have a lot to say about this when they aren't freezing their balls off in the snow "It would have looked quite the same from my perspective."

And then his hand slips down to cup the back of Eggsy's neck and draw him in for a kiss.

It's fucking spectacular, the way Harry kisses him like he wants to convince Eggsy of his position on the matter with his lips and teeth alone. They make quite a picture, Eggsy supposes, kissing on the snowy mountainside while the blimp explodes in a wave of welcome heat behind them.

"Extraction is twenty minutes out." Merlin says as they break apart, frazzled as he's ever heard "I expect a full report, Galahads."

#hartwin #kingsman #matching soulmate markings #i said i'd be back lol #divide by zero

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you-make-me-wander · 7 years

Text

The joys of you - Chapter 1

Summary: Scorpius Malfoy is 23 when he comes back home after being away for four years studying wandlore. Returning to find Astoria already affected by the curse that will kill her, Scorpius must learn how to deal with the inevitable loss and the grief it'll bring, reconnecting with old friends and family, and with making sure that Rose Weasley knows that he's never stopped loving her.

Rating: Mature

Characters: Scorpius Malfoy, Rose Weasley, Albus Severus Potter, Astoria Greengrass, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Lily Luna Potter, Hugo Weasley, Original Characters, Mentions of other characters

Tags: Canon divergent, Friendship, Romance, Sexual Content, Fluff, Humor, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Grief

Read on AO3, FF, Wattpad or under the cut.

Author’s Note: Hello, everyone! :)

It’s my first time writing for the HP fandom, even though I’ve been writing for over two years.

This is a multi-chapter fic, and unlike many of my other fics it won’t have much angst. Instead I see it as Scorpius trying to find his place in the world after his mom dies. Trying to explore who he is without her and the security and support she always provided, by surrounding himself with the ones he holds most dear; his father who’ll break down when Astoria dies, his friends who he hasn’t seen in years and must reconnect with, and of course Rose, the love of his life who eventually moved on after Scorpius left.

It’s truly been a delight getting to know and write Scorpius, who’s so precious and is becoming one of my favorite characters ever with ease. I also wanted to explore a funnier side of Astoria and turn her into this playful, warm motherly figure whose death will truly leave an impact. Also a more introvert, cautious Rose because Scorpius leaving changed her, despite the way that Scorpius being back leads to them getting to know each other all over again. So regardless of all the drama and grief in the earlier chapter, the story will make way to fluff and humor and romance towards the end.

Because the story takes place about four and a half years after Scorpius leaves Hogwarts, expect flashbacks here and there about key moments (like when Scorpius and Rose first started dating, when they broke up, Astoria’s insistence that Scorpius should take the apprenticeship and even how Rose and Astoria became so close).

This is only slightly canon divergent, as I’m keeping everything that has happened in HP and the Cursed Child aside from Astoria still being alive and giving Neville a daughter. It’s rated Mature for sexual content in later chapters and mild swearing.

I hope you enjoy.

“Oh, Whatever comes, It’s not the end.” - Blue, Hurt Lovers

Scorpius steps through the window of Purge and Dowse, Ltd., raking a hand through his blond locks to shake the droplets of water that the mild rain outside settled on his effortlessly styled hair. Finding himself at the reception of the St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, he heads for the front desk where the Welcome Witch - a middle-aged woman with long, thick gray hair and dark eyes - greets him with a kind smile.

Before the young man can say anything, the witch indicates that the Fourth Floor is where he wants to go and points to her left, towards the elevators at the end of a long hallway. Scorpius is quick to thank her and evade the look of pity and recognition in the woman’s eyes; in hers and the rest of the small crowd that’s on the busy ground floor.

Everybody knows of him, of his family. And so, of course, everybody knows of his mother.

Astoria Malfoy, pure-blood. Born into the Greengrass family, one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.

Astoria Malfoy, loving wife of Draco Malfoy despite the disappointment of both families about how Draco’s and Astoria’s points of view on pure-blood supremacy changed after the Battle.

Astoria Malfoy, caring mother of Scorpius Malfoy, only child, determined to change her son’s life the way she wishes hers and Draco’s had when they were younger.

Astoria Malfoy, fated to die from a curse that has afflicted her blood lineage for several generations.

Astoria Malfoy, incurable.

Scorpius is still waiting for the elevator when his hands start to feel tingly, his skin itching with energy. As he ascends to the upper level of the building, Scorpius finds himself jittery, trying his best to ignore the way that his pulse starts to race; to pretend that his breath doesn’t catch when he looks around the unfamiliar floor, the elevator doors opening to reveal a rather empty corridor.

That he can see, about a dozen doors on each side of the hallways line down the paths to both his left and his right. In front of him, three nurses busy themselves with parchments that Scorpius assumes are patient files, chatting between themselves in whispers.

Making his way over to the desk, Scorpius politely interrupts the women. “Excuse me,” he says, catching their attention. “I’m Scorpius Malfoy. I was wondering if you could tell me where I can find--”

One of the nurses speaks before the others can. She’s older than the Welcome Witch, about half of Scorpius’ height and has pronounced facial features that soften slightly when she recognizes him and realizes why the young man is there. “Of course, dear. She’s in Room 478,” she tells him, leaving her place behind the desk to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’m Nurse Goode. Why don’t I take you to her?” She offers, leading the way down the hallway to his right.

As they walk through corridor after corridor of the Incurable Wing, a part of him feels sick at the thought that while he’s just starting to endure the pity looks and empathetic reactions from the people around him, his mother must have had enough of it to last her a lifetime. Diagnosed for over two years, Scorpius barely has a clue about how his mother is handling everything; finding out that what Astoria has doesn’t have a known treatment, that life expectancy after the first symptoms and proper diagnosis is on average of only a couple of years or so, that when her time comes barely any warnings can prepare her loved ones for her demise.

Scorpius doesn’t know for how long he and the nurse walk, let alone the path they’re taking. He doesn’t realize that his hands are shaking until the witch stops on her tracks about one minute later, making Scorpius come to a halt with her. “Here we are,” she announces quietly, gesturing to the room on their left. “Room 478. Visiting hours don’t start until an hour from now but I think, given the circumstances, that no one will mind to make the exception. A Healer should stop by shortly to do the rounds but in the meantime, should you find your mother in any discomfort, please call out and someone will come to your aid immediately,” she explains to him. “No giving her any food or beverages unless cleared by the medical staff, and should you have with you any gifts to present her with, they’ll need to be cleared as well. Do you understand, Mr. Malfoy?”

The way she recites the rules, so assertively, reminds Scorpius of old Professor McGonagall. He only wishes the nurse could instill in him the same sense of security that the Headmistress has always been known to carry around. He nods in response. “Yes, Ma’am. And I’ve got nothing on me,” he murmurs sadly, realizing that he should have thought of something ahead of time. “I just got back. Came right over to see her, you see?”

Nurse Goode gives a curt nod in acknowledgment. “Very well, Mr. Malfoy. Then I should leave you to it.” She makes to walk way but then she sees the young man fidgeting, anxiety showing in his grey eyes. “And dear,” she says in a softer tone, lightly squeezing his shoulder, “if you need a moment there’s a waiting area down the hallway.”

Scorpius thanks the witch for her kindness and watches as she leaves. Having no intent of going to the waiting room but showing apprehension at opening the door in front of him as well, Scorpius stands in place, unmoving for a good minute or two before resolve washes over him.

He’s been away for over four and a half years; he doesn’t want to waste any more precious time.

Gently knocking on the door, Scorpius patiently waits for a response until he hears her voice a moment later, and then he doesn’t hesitate in going in anymore.

His mother looks almost the same as he remembers. The lustrous dark hair she’s always kept so perfectly arranged, even now falling graciously down her shoulders. The slender, ever well-composed figure even despite being on an hospital bed, sitting back and reading a book with a poise worthy of someone whose name and blood status precedes her. The same old twinkle in her soft brown eyes as if Scorpius had just gotten home after being out and she’d missed him terribly, even if he’d been away for only a short period of time like when he was younger and had been out playing with his friends or visiting relatives.

But Scorpius hasn’t been away for only a couple of hours. He’s been away for far longer than that, and so he can also see how the curse has worn her out over time. How her hair isn’t as shiny. How - and granted, despite almost unnoticeable to a stranger’s eye - she lost some weight. How tired her eyes seem even when she realizes that he’s there.

“Scorpius?” There’s a pause when they just stare at each other, as if they’re savoring a moment they’ve been waiting for a long time. Astoria puts her book away and her voice quivers, unbelieving. “Merlin! Scorpius, is it you?”

Scorpius lets out a sigh of relief when he hears her voice up close, so warm and inviting; he’s missed home for too long. Shortening the distance between them with a couple of long, fast strides, Scorpius throws himself at her open arms for a hug that’s long, long overdue. “Mom!”

Astoria’s voices wavers again when she replies, incredulous at what’s happening. “Scorpius, it’s you!”

Scorpius chuckles and holds on tight, taking a moment to enjoy his mother’s embrace despite noticing how her grip isn’t as strong as he remembers it. When he pulls back, Astoria tears up at the memories that her son’s kind smile always brings. “I should think you would still recognize me. I haven’t changed that much,” Scorpius jokes, himself wiping a stray tear from the corner of his eye.

Astoria adjusts on the bed and leans back against her pillow while Scorpius quickly moves around, closing the bedroom door to give them some privacy. He drags an armchair closer to the bed, sitting and leaning forward to hold his mother’s left hand in both of his. “I thought you were only coming back by the end of next month,” she explains her astonishment.

Scorpius doesn’t tell her why he didn’t want to wait any longer. Instead, he reckons that he isn’t the only one who’s nervous; her hand is trembling too. “I wanted to surprise you,” he confesses, and really it isn’t a lie. It just isn’t the whole truth. “I’ve missed you. Both you and Dad, everyone else… I’ve been gone for too long.”

Astoria dismisses his unhappy tone, utterly glad that her boy is finally home. “Nonsense. You know this job was important, Scorpius,” she starts, and despite the pride that he can hear in her words, Scorpius can tell that, deep down, a part of her didn’t want him to leave at all to begin with.

Still, it had been Astoria’s idea. Or at least, it had been her encouragement that ultimately had Scorpius taking the opportunity to become an apprentice to one of the most important and selective careers in the Wizarding World.

Having been incredibly impressed with Scorpius’ marks on his O.W.L.s, and after a very complementing letter of recommendation from Professor McGonagall herself, Scorpius had been personally invited to a private meeting with Mr. Ollivander over the Christmas break of his sixth year. Because the Headmistress had praised Scorpius’ innate curiosity and shown interest in wandlore (which McGonagall knew very well about; after all, Scorpius always had to ask for permission to consult books in the Restricted Section, and given the nature of his interests the authorization had to come from the Headmistress herself, much to Madam Pince’s dismay), Mr. Ollivander had taken upon himself to see if the Malfoy boy, just turned 17 the month before, showed any talent with a wand.

And Merlin, was Mr. Ollivander impressed.

The second that Scorpius entered the shop and followed the old wandmaker to the small room in the back, Mr. Ollivander knew. Not only several of the wands reacted to Scorpius’ presence as soon as he crossed the threshold, but the young wizard had shown an innate affinity to explore the shop by himself. Mr. Ollivander hadn’t needed to say much; Scorpius started wandering about on his own, collecting and inspecting the wands that seemed to be calling him.

After a few seconds of examining each wand, Scorpius guessed the components of all of them right.

After an afternoon full of fascinating discussions on wandlore, Mr. Ollivander promised that if he studied hard, Scorpius would have a wandcraft apprenticeship waiting for him when he finished his Seventh year.

Astoria can’t remember another time when Scorpius had gotten home so radiant, with a beam that almost blinded from how warm and bright it was.

Well, maybe just another time. One that concerned a certain red-haired girl. In fact, a red-haired girl that-

Her train of thought is suddenly interrupted. “You are important to me too,” Scorpius murmurs, and Astoria can tell that he’s anxious about her condition. Having been away for so long, with barely any permission for communication with the outside world while throwing himself at the most adventurous, sometimes dangerous situations had to have taken its toll on him. Merlin knows it did on her and Draco. “Mom, I--”

Astoria stretches her arm and ruffles his hair until it’s unruly, just the way she always did when he was a little kid. “I wanted you to go, Scorpius.” For a moment she thinks he’s going to argue but instead Scorpius settles, too relieved to finally be here to start another argument, like the ones they’d had before Astoria had to practically beg him to go. “It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and you know that.”

Scorpius worries his lower lip and looks down nervously, his free hand fidgeting on his lap. “I know,” he whispers, and he only meets his mother’s gaze when she tilts his chin up, noticing how concern is seeping into his features as the seconds go by. “But you shouldn’t have guilt-tripped me into it.” Which, in truth, she kind of had. “I was away for so long. What if you--”

Astoria doesn’t let him finish the sentence. She knows where he’s going with this. “I’m still here. Isn’t that what matters?” That still stings him, burns him inside but Scorpius decides to let it go for now, nodding mutely in response. “Now, tell me all about you,” she says softly, leaning on her side to give him her undivided attention. “I want to know why you’re back early and how the apprenticeship went. I want to hear all about your adventures.”

His mother has aways been good at deflecting the subject, Scorpius thinks idly. She’s always been good at making things about everyone else but her.

Before he can decide whether to indulge his mother’s curiosity for her sake, or to deny it in favor of finding out more about her condition and how she’s feeling for his own, to ask about his father even, the sound of footsteps and voices and metallic clicking fill the room coming from the hallway.

At first, Scorpius thinks nothing much of it, assuming that rounds are starting, just like Nurse Good had said. But then his entire body stills.

Even after so many years of knowing her, Scorpius still hasn’t figured out why he can often be aware of her presence before actually seeing her. At the same time that a sense of peace settles in him, his heart starts beating faster and his mind slows down as if to prepare him for her arrival, like it usually does. Even though Scorpius has never been able to find a reasonable, logical explanation for it, it’s never failed him. And so if it’s happening right now, she has to be around somewhere.

Rose Weasley, the girl he’s had a crush on since he was eleven years old and first laid his eyes on her.

Rose Weasley, the girl who matches her mother’s brains and her father’s temper, laced with a charm that is her own and that has always been irresistible to him.

Rose Weasley, his best friend’s cousin and his own too, after they put aside their divergences following the events of their Fourth Year.

Rose Weasley, his girlfriend since the Summer before their Seventh Year until its end, almost exactly a year later.

Rose Weasley, the only girl Scorpius has ever had eyes for.

The only one he’s ever loved.

He doesn’t know why he is surprised at the feeling. He hasn’t spoken to Rose ever since he left, sure, but he knew she wanted to become a Healer. So obviously, it would make sense for her to actually be at St. Mungo’s except that Scorpius had never really envisioned her there. He’s always had bigger dreams for her than that…

If Scorpius hadn’t been so self-centered in that moment thinking of her, he would have likely noticed the sly smirk that tugged at his mother’s lips suddenly, the devious glint in her eyes as she realized who was probably about to come in. Checking the old clock on the far wall, Astoria realizes that indeed it’s almost time for rounds so she figures that she’s probably right. Besides, Scorpius has always seemed slightly intuitive whenever Rose was about to walk into a room, as if he and Rose shared an unspoken connection.

Astoria’s smug features turn to more innocent ones when Scorpius swiftly glances at her as if wanting to share his suspicions. She shrugs noncommittally, as if she has no idea what he could possibly be thinking about.

The facade lasts for exactly three seconds after that, the time it takes for someone outside to knock on the door, not caring to wait too long to be invited in.

And in comes none other than Rose Weasley.

Author’s Note: Please leave a review and let me know what you think :)

#scorose #scorose fanfiction #drastoria #drastoria fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #hp fanfiction #rose x scorpius #astoria x draco #next gen fanfiction #my writing

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