#of course any references to gay as an identity are just references because obviously it would not be used by the characters sdhfhsdg

[kateis-cakeis]

Do you ever think about how the scene where Arthur catches Merlin with a dress in S2Ep9, and the scenes where Arthur is like "girl??????" in S5Ep8

that it's like just a lil bit suggested that Arthur thinks Merlin is both into men and crossdresses (which does that suggest some kind of queer culture in Camelot where gay men are known to do drag?? who knows) and not only thinks that, but accepts it too.

Like Arthur who is presented with the fact that Merlin might wear dresses in his spare times just shrugs and says what a man does in his spare time is up to him, and that the colour suits him.

He literally could have made any joke about Merlin being a girl like he often does when he teases Merlin about being a coward (which we know is just teasing) but instead he just accepts it, and still calls Merlin a man.

Meanwhile in The Hollow Queen, well, I'll let the lines speak for themselves:

GUINEVERE: He’s not in danger. He’s seeing a girl.

ARTHUR: Merlin?

GUINEVERE: Gaius, I’m sorry, but there is no reason to worry.

ARTHUR: Except for the poor girl.

---

ARTHUR: Oh, so you can go and visit that girl again.

MERLIN: What?

ARTHUR: Girl.

MERLIN: Don't have one.

ARTHUR: That's not what Guinevere tells me. So, why don't you tell us all about her?

MERLIN: Right.

ARTHUR: And why you're walking with a limp.

---

The first lines could be interpreted that Arthur doesn't think Merlin is good with women, but paired with the lines from the 2nd scene where Arthur asks him about it.... it definitely feels like Arthur is saying to worry for the girl because he thinks Merlin isn't attracted to women.

I mean the sheer disbelief alone when he says "Merlin?" like it's so out of realm of possibility. (I mean it could also be suggested that Arthur doesn't think anyone would be attracted to Merlin, but with the 2nd scene it definitely doesn't seem so.)

Especially the way he says "girl" with sarcasm dropping from his tone, like literally "girrrl" is how he says it. Like he's basically calling out Merlin, or saying that he knows that the girl Gwen told him about is actually a man.

Which I believe is why the "and why you're walking with a limp" has Arthur so, well,

like this. I think he truly believes that Merlin is lying sjhdfghsdfg Like he's thinking in that little brain of his that Merlin got pegged by a man and just isn't admitting to it.

And he's definitely accusing Merlin of sneaking away to have sex, you know, during an important time and all.

Basically, with these like 3 scenes in the show, I'd say it really comes off as Arthur accepting Merlin as gay and just waiting for the day where Merlin tells him the truth.

And that's really funny to me.

[antedeluvianbreedingtwink]

So, sometimes I'm hesitant to share things about my dysphoria, since I think a lot of people will glance past the Plurality and try to frame this as some kind of detransition. No hate towards people who do end up detransitioning for any reason, but that's a very different thing to my weird-ass deal, and I'm sure as fuck not reversing any surgeries when the most functional Alter and the earliest one we know of are both transfem still. Hell, we're even still planning to go forward with bottom surgery, and I'm not really even against the idea?

The issue I run into most is, well... boobs. We have D cups, with 420cc (seriously) implants, which makes it a hard to properly go dude mode now? I can bind, and I do it basically the moment I'm fronting, but it's really only flat when I double up on binders, and, uh... yeah, that's a quick way to remember which rib got dislocated once? I'm trying to be smarter about it- one binder and a denim vest to try and hide the extra oomph... but I have to unbind eventually, and it feels awful every time because our body is very, very feminine now.

I did have a peculiar dream last night, though. I was dating a guy (an OC from a story we were going to write) as myself in it, but the time to go to bed together came and I... still had breasts. Then, when I got uncomfortable, Dreamguy just kept referring to them as boytits, which led to me waking up briefly euphoric and confused.

I guess I was just feeling really dysphoric and someone acknowledging the boyness of my hongalongamogongas helped relieve it a bit? Maybe the idea that I could be in a relationship and still be acknowledged as a separate person was also weighing on me, since me and Kay (maybe even Alice?) have very conflicting sexualities and identities, and I worry things will either be too complicated, or I'll have to take a back seat.

I think my biggest worry, though, is... what fucking community do I belong to? Kay's obviously transfem, and even though I'm masc and AMAB, I'm not Cis? I'm still very much nonbinary, just heavy on the masculine side, but the people I connect with and get tips from are transmasc, and it just feels disrespectful for me to attach too much to that community?

I guess collectively we're genderfluid, but even that feels strange when we're different people, and I can't even recognize Kay's thought process most of the time?

I guess I'm just rambling because there isn't a short way to accept being plural and having to deal with conflicting gender identities on top of that. It makes everything way, way harder, but I do know things will work out in the end. I'm taking a crash course to make sure I know enough about Kay's major to hold down a job properly (without fronting and immediately crying because I have no idea how to do anything.)

Plus, y'know... there's always the option of being poly, or just dating someone with a gender ambiguous enough to appeal to a lesbian and a gay boy at the same time. Just as long as they know these are (at least when I'm fronting) he/him chesticles and they prefer to be called sir, damnit.

[gascon-en-exil]

So are Edelstans bothering you? If so, why, its not as if you're an influential person in the community?

Evidently their Discord disagrees.

This is of course leaving aside the abundance of screencaps where others in this server question whether I'm gay, puzzle over my ethnic identity, and use a pair of screencaps of my blog from (I think?) 2020 to claim that I'm a pervert and a danger to everyone around me - even though according to the logic of those accusations I would ever pose a threat to 1) my relatives and/or 2) the dead, and obviously only the male ones in any case since they also love to accuse me of being a misogynist who ignores women and lesbians in all my work. It's all exceptionally classy. Fortunately I haven't been troubled too much lately, possibly because I very clearly have moved on to other games and other projects, and my YouTube channel is doing just fine in its own little way.

On a lighter note, some people on the Houses anon meme a few years back referred to me as "the gay French hooker," a moniker so delightfully absurd I just had to remember it.

[22degreehalo]

:'))))) So we have a queer hotline in Australia for queer people who are suffering with mental health issues or need someone to talk to or whatever.

They consistently use the LGBTQI+ acronym. no 'A'.

There is no informational guide on asexuality or aromanticism. There's one for bisexuality, and nonbinary identities, and multi-gender attraction (yes, that AND bisexuality), but NOTHING for any aspec identity.

Literally the only reference I can find to asexuality is them saying that nonbinary people and intersex people are capable of being any sexuality. That is the ONLY TIME we get namedropped.

yet of COURSE there are plenty of sites claiming that QLife is for 'lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, asexual' people. Because we're just a word in an acronym, obviously. We're there just to make up the numbers. No need to actually check if we're being helped at all.

I'm so fucking. tired of expecting nothing from allo queer people and STILL being disappointed.

[antiheroismm]

『BAXTER'S COINING + FUN BLOG INTRODUCTION』

hey everyone, i'm baxter / pax / mallory, and this is my mogai/xenogender coining blog, with some fun activities too.

i have yet to make a rentry, so i'll compile everything here for now.

『ABOUT ME』

once again, i'm baxter, but you may also know me as pax, mallory, or other names in my upcoming pronouny.

i go by he/him, they/them, she/her and it/its pronouns, alongside other neopronouns in my upcoming pronouny.

regarding my sexuality, i am biflux, combo'd with achillean, diamoric, and sapphic. i am also aroflux and aegosexual, and also ambiamorous.

regarding my gender, i am multigender and fluidflux, and i am also a gendercollector. regarding my main genders, i am a trans male, but i also cycle between nonbinary and other non min and fingenders, cis female, xenine, and my hoard's genders of course.

i am a latino/latine/latina/latin-american. i am from chile, most specifically.

i am a minor. i am 15 yrs old most specifically. my birthday is july 28th.

my vocabulary is a mix of old internet lingo and new internet lingo. i use a lot of terms from both eras, but i do rarely use a few terms. like tone indicators, because i tend to clarify my tone in parentheses rather than using them. but, if you want me to use tone indicators at all times when talking to you, i'll do it, just ask! you can also say which tonetags you are uncomfortable with if you do have them. i also do not use certain lingo because it's not my type, examples include words like "yass" or "slay", or using a hyphen at the end of sentences (like this-).

i also speak random nonsense for fun sometimes. it doesn't really have much of a meaning, but i can provide a translation if you want.

i have a love for shitposting, and i love bastardcore (just look at my blogs' appearance), but i will coin terms of every aesthetic, theme, ect.

i am autistic and also have adhd, so i won't tolerate ableism here.

for all the systems reading this, please keep in mind that i am a singlet.

i love video games. a lot.

『BEFORE YOU FOLLOW』

i am supportive of xenogenders and neopronouns, obviously. i am also a radinclus, which means i support all identities coined in good faith. and before you complain, no. i am not one of those bad radinclus who support paraphilias and want them to become a part of the lgbtqia+ community. i am also very supportive of m-spec gays, lesbians, and nblnb individuals, alongside non-he/him lesbians and non-she/her gays.

i am also supportive of otherkin/alterhumans and non-human individuals. (i am also questioing if i am one)

i am a newbie at making flags, so if they don't match your standards, that's fine, i'll get better time by time.

i do not allow discourse of any kind in this blog.

because i think that discussion of this is stupid, and because i want everyone regardless of ideology to use the terms i coin without being considered a bigot, i am completely, and i mean completely neutral about non-traumagenic systems and self-diagnosis. if you think they're valid, that's fine. if you think they're not, that's fine too. i just want every being to use my terms regardless of what they think of to help them with their gender identity. i also promote all kinds of mogai blogs regardless of their viewpoints in this too.

regarding systems' alters requesting content and help, you can either request me to use your name and/or the system's collective name to refer to you. i'll be glad to help you!

regarding typing quirks, always provide a translation to them. although i am able to read all of them, some fellas who follow this blog can't do it, so to help them understand, please do that.

if you use titles to refer to yourself, you can ask if you want me to refer to you with them, or not use them at all, considering my blog has a "casual place where formalities don't matter here, chill all you want" vibe.

if you repost my terms, make sure to credit me. i am fine with both it being done in detail, which is crediting my name, the place where you found the term i coined (planning to promote my terms on other social media soon), and a link to the coining post, and just crediting my name. i appreciate all promotion!

『WHAT I'LL DO』

coin lgbtq+ and mogai terms

coin xenoidentities and xeniden terms (the reclaimed ones, not the original, mogaiphobic ones)

coin miscellaneous terms (like aldernic, vesil, whatever stuff like voidpunk is classified as, otherkin/alterhuman, among other terms)

make flags for already existing, or newly coined terms

fulfill requests for flags, xenoidentities, xeniden terms and misc terms.

share headcanons from others and me (my hcs can be shared only if requested with 💝 in my askbox, and it's gonna be at random)

make pride flag profile pictures, both classic and with funny text and images

『DO NOT INTERACT』

basic dni criteria (lgbtqphobic, racist, ableist, antireligious, misogynistic, bigoted, etc.)

terfs and swerfs

lgbtq+ exclus (gravity knife gay, longsword lesbian, m-spec exclusionist/battleaxe bisexual, nunchuck nonbinary, trident trans and truscum/transmedicalist)

anti-xenogenders and anti-neopronouns in general

pro-original xenoidentities (basically using and/or the mogaiphobic version of them instead of the pro-mogai, reclaimed version)

proshippers of every kind

nsfw and fetish accounts

paraphilic people who view their fetishes as pride/a part of the lgbtq+ community instead of a problem they need to address (maps/pedophiles, zoophiles, incestous, etc.), and their supporters

transids (transabled, transdisorder, transpecies, transracial, etc.)

yeah that's about it for now

『ASKBOX FUN STUFF MASTERTHINGY』

reply to me with ⭕ and i'll give you a random meme/shitpost

reply to me with 🌈 and i'll give you a random gender

reply to me with 💌 and i'll give you a random favorite/loved/liked character of mine

reply to me with 🍱 and i'll give you a random food/snack/dish/drink/ect

reply to me with 🎮 and i'll give you a random cool video game

reply to me with 🎵 and i'll give you a random song

reply to me with 🐾 and i'll give you a random goofy animal

reply to me with 📷 and i'll give you a random image from my camera roll

reply to me with 📺 and i'll give you a random video

reply to me with 💝 and i'll give you a random headcanon of mine

『TAG MASTERTHINGY』

coined terms: #💖 : baxter coined (full real)

term flag request: #🔰 : a flag for you!

headcanon request: #💗 : show em' your fun hcs!

memes/shitposts: #⭕ : ain't no way :skull:

random genders: #🌈 : baxter's gender pick (real)

random favorite/loved/liked character: #💌 : baxter's beloveds

random food/snack/dish/drink/ect: #🍱 : hey bro what do you want to eat

random cool video game: #🎮 : remember the witcherino 3? yeah me too here's a cool game

random song: #🎵 : [music genre] fans be like: yo this is fire!

random goofy animal: #🐾 : i have hired this critter to be with you

random image from my camera roll: #📷 : baxter why do you have this

random video: #📺 : i command you to watch this

random headcanon: #💝 : hey babe *tells you a cool hc*

(need help with putting them)

i hope you enjoy my stay in the mogai coining community!

[shrimpmandan]

Spin-offing into my own post a bit because this is less about pansexuality and more about sexual orientation and etymology in general.

I personally don't think the definitions of "homosexual" and "heterosexual", as they are in the dictionary, are accurate. Or at least, it's oversimplified in a way that lines up with the idea that sexuality is an inherently rigid thing.

To not make this super confusing, I'm going to be using the word "homosexual" to specifically refer to gay men here. Homosexuality is not just "being attracted to the same sex". If this were true, this would mean that gay men would never be attracted to a trans man, and would be instead attracted to trans women. This would also mean that a gay man could not hypothetically develop a crush-- no matter how fleeting-- on an exceptionally masculine woman.

Homosexuality is about the attraction to male sexual characteristics. Some examples of what most might consider male sex characteristics would be a penis + testicles, a relatively flat chest, small hips, a strong jawline, short hair, the presence of particularly dense body hair, or a top-heavy physique. Obviously, not all men look like this, but this is what most people would picture as being a conventionally attractive adult male. Gay men are attracted to at least some of these features, in different configurations. Maybe they only care about the presence of a penis, without caring of the presentation of their partner otherwise. Maybe they like men with long hair and no body hair, but who also have strong jawlines and relatively thin waists.

And then the question is raised: but can't women also have those traits too? And of course, the answer is yes. And when you say that, it brings in the question of what's preventing a gay man from being attracted to a woman. The answer, and what's uncomfortable for many people to accept, is absolutely nothing, which applies to any orientation. This is why gay men and straight women can sometimes develop crushes on masculine or butch women. This is why straight men and lesbians can sometimes develop crushes on feminine men. This is why any orientation can be attracted to a trans person of any identity or sexual configuration. Our sexualities are not tied to explicitly and rigidly defined genders. We are attracted to sexual characteristics that are more commonly associated with either males or females, and human beings-- being sexually bimodal-- can come in all sorts of configurations of those sex characteristics.

The reason TERFs are so threatened by the idea of lesbians dating trans women is because their entire ideology fundamentally hinges on women and men being completely distinct categories with no overlap. They often target cis women who look "too mannish" or cis men who look "too effeminate" and accuse them of being trans, because they fundamentally cannot accept the idea that sex isn't as clear-cut as they think it is. It's a direct threat to bioessentialism to accept that. And when you ask the question, "if a lesbian can be attracted to someone who is biologically male, but who looks like and identifies as a woman, and may or may not have developed or been naturally born with sex characteristics that are more typical of cis females, then what's stopping a lesbian"-- (an identity TERFs have fully co-opted as being "anti-male")-- "from developing attraction towards a man who also expresses in the same way, and has similar sexual characteristics?"

The answer is absolutely nothing.

Also, as a footnote, some people may take this to mean that everyone is just fundamentally bisexual. Whether I agree with this assessment or not, this is only because my post doesn't take into account the additional psychological and sociological factors of attraction. A fully homosexual man who develops a crush on a masculine woman would likely lose that attraction upon finding out they identify as a woman. If they aren't, then they could be bisexual! That's why it's so complex. I simply forwent mentioning it because I wanted to focus more on how people misunderstand how sexuality works biologically.

[pleckthaniel]

Wait but I want to hear more about Orsino being fay and how the adaptations erase that though 👀 If you don’t mind of course!

I will take any opportunity to talk about gay shakespeare! Thank you for asking!

Note: I usually refer to Viola/Cesario with they/them pronouns. Although they are most likely meant to be interpreted as a cis woman, part of the beauty of the character is that they can also easily be interpreted as nearly any stripe of trans*, so I choose to refer to them this way to emphasize that ambiguity.

So for a bit of background: Twelfth Night is probably Shakespeare's queerest play. The title itself refers to a long-standing tradition of anything-goes revelry at the end of the Christmas season. The play itself never mentions this tradition, so we can assume it is so titled because of its thematic concern with chaos and ambiguity. Beyond Orsino, the play is rich with queer coding (and I do feel comfortable calling it coding, given that Shakespeare was very likely bisexual himself), which is frequently get erased or played down in adaptations. Orsino is just one fragment of the larger story of this play and how society has interpreted it.

Now my research is limited and a few years old, but to my knowledge, scholars still debate whether Orsino was ever actually "in love" with Olivia. I'd like to point to his "hart" speech in Act 1, Scene 1. The play literally opens with Orsino saying:

"If music be the food of love, play on. / Give me excess of it, that, surfeiting / the appetite may sicken and so die."

So he's trying to so overwhelm himself with romantic imagery that he gets sick of it and moves on from Olivia. That's a pretty unusual way to talk about a woman you're saying you want to marry! Throughout the speech, there's this weirdly dark undertone. Every word or phrase that seems loving is immediately followed and contrasted by imagery that evokes not just death, but violence. Notice also how he talks about his first meeting with Olivia:

"That instant was I turned into a hart / and my desires, like fell and cruel hounds, / e'er since pursue me."

"Hart" is obviously a pun on the word "heart," but the more important thing here is that it's an old-fashioned term for a stag. He's talking about his pursuit of Olivia as a hunt, but positioning himself as the one being hunted. This use of metaphor suggests, also, that if Orsino allows the pursuit to end - i.e., actually marries Olivia - he will die.

The headline is that, IMO, this speech makes much more sense to me from the perspective of Orsino being gay than him being straight. If he's straight, we have to question why he's talking about this in such melodramatic terms, and why he seems to be having to convince himself to want Olivia. If he's gay, though - especially if even he doesn't realize it yet - then it makes sense for him to both be invested in creating a heterosexual relationship, while also seeming to resent the idea, and worrying that marriage will cause him to lose some important facet of his identity.

That being said, all we can really glean directly from this speech is that Orsino intends to marry Olivia, but doesn't really love her. The opening image of the play is that of a man struggling to process his complex feelings about the institution of heterosexual marriage. There's an ambiguous queerness to that which I believe is intended to set the tone and focus the audience's attention.

Now, I could talk pretty extensively about Orsino's interactions with Viola/Cesario throughout the play. Thing is, whether or not Orsino knew about V/C's crossdressing is very ambiguous, and it's commonly argued that he was aware of the whole situation from the start - which would mean that his flirting with V/C would be evidence of heterosexuality. I don't agree with this interpretation personally, but it is a valid one based on the textual evidence.

The really important thing when it comes to Orsino's sexuality & attraction to Viola/Cesario comes in his final speech, which also happens to be the ending speech of the play. Basically as soon as V/C reveals themselves as a secret crossdresser, Orsino proposes to them. The scene moves on to wrap up subplots, and then, in the final words of the entire play, Orsino tells V/C:

"We will not part from hence. Cesario, come - / for so you shall be while you are a man / But when in other habits you are seen, / Orsino's mistress, and his fancy's queen."

In short, he's declaring that, so long as Cesario continues to present as Cesario, he will refer to them as Cesario - and when they present as a woman, he'll refer to them as Viola. Basically, Orsino has stumbled into a winning play - he can continue to view his spouse as a man, while also reaping the political benefits of having a wife.

It's also important that V/C themselves has no say in this and never gets the chance to respond, since the play ends shortly after. Many readers - rightly - interpret V/C as genderqueer in part because the play ends with an affirmation of their identity as Cesario. But it's Orsino who affirms this, and feminist scholars have sometimes interpreted that affirmation as a method by which he speaks for and controls V/C. These scholars rarely question why a heterosexual man would wish his wife to dress and present as a man. Maybe Orsino is talking over V/C here, but if so, that doesn't erase the fact he'd clearly rather be attracted to Cesario than Viola.

Another small thing I want to mention about the ending is that we don't see the wedding. That might not seem significant, unless you're very familiar with Renaissance plays. At that time, comedies were expected to end with marriage. You see this in a lot of other Shakespeare comedies, like Much Ado or As You Like It. No matter how tangled - or queer - the situations get, a marriage symbolized the end of that chaos. Sorta like the Hays Code about how gay people can't get happy endings, this trope could be used as a tool of both portrayal and erasure.

Twelfth Night, though, ends with the promise of marriage, technically fulfilling the trope; but in direct defiance of genre convention, we don't see the wedding and as a result, the chaos doesn't actually end. Viola/Cesario ends the play as Cesario - compare that to As You Like It, where the crossdressing female lead, Rosalind, ends the play in a wedding dress. Symbolically, the lack of wedding is a rejection of heteronormativity and further emphasizes how queer V/C and Orsino's relationship is.

Generally, adaptations don't focus much on Orsino. That's fair, because all of the other leads hold up as characters much better than him in the 21st century. But the result is that the ambiguities of his sexuality are usually ignored (in full-text adaptations, like the 1996 film with Helena Bonham-Carter) or taken out of the story entirely (in rewritten adaptations, like She's the Man).

Adaptations also usually ignore that crucial lack of a wedding at the end of the play. In the 1996 film, the wedding is explicitly portrayed, and Viola/Cesario ends the story as Viola. She's the Man does something very similar: Viola finally gives in to her mother's demands to become a debutante, and the film literally ends with a parade of heterosexual pairings in gender-conforming dress. I'm not criticizing these films, because these are logical conclusions to their stories. But these endings are a pretty direct pair of middle fingers to the ambiguity and queerness the original play so cherished.

All in all, it's a gayass play, and Orsino is really just the tip of the iceberg. There's Antonio and Sebastian's thing, the possibility of Olivia's queerness, Viola/Cesario's gender... Viola/Cesario's sexuality... the fact that the villain of the play is literally a sexually repressed Puritan... and probably more. If you're interested, I strongly recommend you check out some published queer scholarship on the subject.

Quotes are from the Folger Shakespeare: https://www.folger.edu/explore/shakespeares-works/twelfth-night/read/

[goodmiffy]

anon bc i am also afraid of people pointing swords at me… i think the way you phrased the question presents a little difficulty. in asking “would all babies be fundamentally better off with a mother,” you’re discounting a lot of variation. people who were abused by their mothers might say they’d be better off without ever having had one. i don’t mean to parse your words, i just think the way we ask this question is important and requires specificity to get good answers/discussion.

from what i know about babies, they can develop equally intense bonds with a parent of either sex (meaning that hormonally these relationships can be identical). in practice this is rarely the case because mothers wind up spending way more time with a baby than fathers, but in terms of how those relationships are created and developed and the role oxytocin plays in them, there’s not a difference between the ability of men and women to develop a parental relationship with a baby.

you have to also consider biological differences, not between men and women necessarily, but between biological mother/person who carries the baby and anyone else. breastfeeding can impact health outcomes, particularly immunity. this isn’t a question exclusive to gay men, this is for anyone who adopts or even mothers who just don’t get a good milk supply. i’m not making any moral judgments about that, it is just the case that breastfeeding is likely to result in a stronger immune system than formula. of course, milk banks exist, but the supply doesn’t even come close to meeting the demand.

breastfeeding and the sound of mother’s heartbeat, her smell, etc, are the main obstacles imo. fathers can still do things like skin to skin contact, they even make those fake breasts that let fathers “breastfeed” in the same position (not sure how much of a difference this makes if you’re using real breastmilk, idk if that’s been studied).

all things considered, i think the answer is probably that babies are “fundamentally better off,” by some slight metrics, being with their mothers. but i think this really applies to biological mothers (not egg donors, the woman who carries the pregnancy), and that gay men are on fairly equal footing with mothers who adopt/use surrogates/etc. i do think there are differences between female and male children - if the child is female, it’s especially important for her to have women in her life she can go to and learn from, particularly once she hits puberty. that could be aunts, grandmothers, friends, whatever, but i do think it’s wrong for a girl to grow up without any close female influences who can answer her questions that men may not be able to. i think boys should have some female influences and role models as well, but particularly for girls raised in a household without a female parent, it’s really essential.

i appreciate this but it really wasn’t/isnt that deep to me, i mentioned gay men because that’s what i was referring to. when newborns are taken away from their mother and immediately handed to a man i feel that it’s bad for them a disservice because those early moments are crucial for development. men actually can’t provide the same skin to skin contact infants as their own biological mother, which imo they need. that’s just one example but there’s a lot that newborns get from their mothers immediately after birth.

obviously not all mothers are good and there’s a million people who are better off without their own mothers, but infants need their biological mum while they’re young if it’s possible, in my opinion. that’s why i said babies and not children/people. I think gay men can raise children for sure, but it really doesn’t sit right with me when newborn babies are taken from their mothers and handed to men, we don’t even take puppies away from their mothers until they’re like 8 weeks or so.

i don’t see the need to dissect my words it feels bad faith when it was essentially one sentence. no, obviously one sentence isn’t full of nuance, so if you want clarity on what i meant just ask for it?

[smokeybrandreviews]

Monster Mash

The final episode of Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is in the books and it has been one hell of a ride. This show had no right to be as good as it was. Seriously, Monarch was a solid, refreshing, little entry that squeaked in just before the end of the year and I’m glad it did. Obviously, it’s not highbrow, intellectual fair but it is very well written, with strong characters, great performances, outstanding effects, and a whole ass realized world. I have my issues, of course. Off the top, I don’t like any of the original monsters being introduced by the Monsterverse. These things suck balls, every last one of them. Admittedly, this is an overall Monsterverse thing, not just a Monarch show thing. The US is just so uninspired with their kaiju design, always has been. Ren Watabe is kind of awful and doesn’t have the acting ability to carry such an emotionally involved role. Also, this thing just blows open gaping plot holes and raises so many questions about all of the content which came before. I like a lot of the “revelations”, I just wish they were integrated with the established lore better. There’s only a handful of films. You can’t be f*cking up that narrative like this so soon. Those are minor gripes, of course, because Monarch has been a beacon of what streaming originals can be and it has found a pretty broad audience because, and this is kind of the point of this essay, the lead is a lesbian Japanese woman and no one seems to care.

You would be forgiven if you thought this was Kurt and Wyatt Russell’s show, the marketing pushes that narrative strong, but you would be wrong. This show is about the Randa siblings, Cate and Kentaro. The aforementioned disappointment, Ren Watabe plays Kentaro but, in direct contrast to his flaccid performance, Anna Sawai plays his half-sister Cate, and she is the engine that makes this show go. You watch Cate’s character develop, spend so much time with her, learn so much about it. This is HER show and it never she’s away from who she is, which is kind of remarkable because Cate kind of checks every box of diversity bingo. Woman? Yessir. Japanese? You betcha! Lesbian? Check. Overtly carrying romantic feelings for Kiersey Clemons’ bisexual May? Check, again. Also, May is black. Just wanted to throw that in there for reference. Oh, and she basically left Kentaro FOR Cate, too. You’d think having a queer relationship presented front-and-center in the middle of A-spec Goji content would get all the neckbeards in a tizzy, but I haven’t heard a single peep. But the representation doesn’t stop there. The leader of Monarch is a woman. Mari Yamamoto plays the Randa siblings grandmother, Keiko, and she’s also a founding member of Monarch, itself. Michelle Duvall, Sandra Brody’s sister, is this bad ass Monarch operative who goes rouge with Lee Shaw, eventually taking over his band of defectors after the good Colonel goes missing for the second time. This show is riddled with POC, queer, and female representation. By all means, it’s woke as f*ck and no one has said a word. Why? Because it’s f*cking good.

I will dies on this hill, man. There is no such thing as “Go Woke, Go Broke.” There is not Superhero fatigue. The issue is that this stuff is poorly written. Identity politics can encapsulate your entire goddamn narrative, as long as you write it well. Your lead characters can be two, gay ass, men, as long as the character work is there to make those aspects part of who they are, not define them as a whole. I’m speaking, specifically, about The Last of Us. They did that sh*t twice, actually. Nick Offerman’s episode as some of the strongest television I have ever seen in my entire goddamn life. It was beautiful It was tragic. It was inspired f*cking television. That’s how you do representation and identity on television for the wide audience. That’s what Monarch has done with Cate and May. That’s what we need to see more of out of Disney, Lucasfilm, and the MCU. There has to be nuance when developing these characters and stories. They have to feel real, not just performative checkboxes for Xitter clout. You’re always going to have Neckbeards upset that The Force is Female, but don’t feed the trolls with more lazy characters like Rey. Write better ones who line up closer to Ahsoka and Dr. Aphra. Interestingly enough, Chelli is also a queer woman of visibly Asian descent. An just like that, we’ve come full circle! Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is a great show. It’s probably the best thing The Monsterverse has produced to date, and it did so while incorporating a ton of diversity, without alienating the entire audience. That, alone, I think, is worth a watch. And, more to the point, worth the entirety of Hollywood taking note. We need more shows like this, Atlanta, Beef, Reservation Dogs, and The Brothers Sun. It’s not hard to write “Woke” content for the masses, as long as what you write is organic and true to the characters. No one wants to be preached at or pandered to. Monarch towed that line beautifully and every follow it’s example.

[smokeybrand]

Monster Mash

The final episode of Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is in the books and it has been one hell of a ride. This show had no right to be as good as it was. Seriously, Monarch was a solid, refreshing, little entry that squeaked in just before the end of the year and I’m glad it did. Obviously, it’s not highbrow, intellectual fair but it is very well written, with strong characters, great performances, outstanding effects, and a whole ass realized world. I have my issues, of course. Off the top, I don’t like any of the original monsters being introduced by the Monsterverse. These things suck balls, every last one of them. Admittedly, this is an overall Monsterverse thing, not just a Monarch show thing. The US is just so uninspired with their kaiju design, always has been. Ren Watabe is kind of awful and doesn’t have the acting ability to carry such an emotionally involved role. Also, this thing just blows open gaping plot holes and raises so many questions about all of the content which came before. I like a lot of the “revelations”, I just wish they were integrated with the established lore better. There’s only a handful of films. You can’t be f*cking up that narrative like this so soon. Those are minor gripes, of course, because Monarch has been a beacon of what streaming originals can be and it has found a pretty broad audience because, and this is kind of the point of this essay, the lead is a lesbian Japanese woman and no one seems to care.

You would be forgiven if you thought this was Kurt and Wyatt Russell’s show, the marketing pushes that narrative strong, but you would be wrong. This show is about the Randa siblings, Cate and Kentaro. The aforementioned disappointment, Ren Watabe plays Kentaro but, in direct contrast to his flaccid performance, Anna Sawai plays his half-sister Cate, and she is the engine that makes this show go. You watch Cate’s character develop, spend so much time with her, learn so much about it. This is HER show and it never she’s away from who she is, which is kind of remarkable because Cate kind of checks every box of diversity bingo. Woman? Yessir. Japanese? You betcha! Lesbian? Check. Overtly carrying romantic feelings for Kiersey Clemons’ bisexual May? Check, again. Also, May is black. Just wanted to throw that in there for reference. Oh, and she basically left Kentaro FOR Cate, too. You’d think having a queer relationship presented front-and-center in the middle of A-spec Goji content would get all the neckbeards in a tizzy, but I haven’t heard a single peep. But the representation doesn’t stop there. The leader of Monarch is a woman. Mari Yamamoto plays the Randa siblings grandmother, Keiko, and she’s also a founding member of Monarch, itself. Michelle Duvall, Sandra Brody’s sister, is this bad ass Monarch operative who goes rouge with Lee Shaw, eventually taking over his band of defectors after the good Colonel goes missing for the second time. This show is riddled with POC, queer, and female representation. By all means, it’s woke as f*ck and no one has said a word. Why? Because it’s f*cking good.

I will dies on this hill, man. There is no such thing as “Go Woke, Go Broke.” There is not Superhero fatigue. The issue is that this stuff is poorly written. Identity politics can encapsulate your entire goddamn narrative, as long as you write it well. Your lead characters can be two, gay ass, men, as long as the character work is there to make those aspects part of who they are, not define them as a whole. I’m speaking, specifically, about The Last of Us. They did that sh*t twice, actually. Nick Offerman’s episode as some of the strongest television I have ever seen in my entire goddamn life. It was beautiful It was tragic. It was inspired f*cking television. That’s how you do representation and identity on television for the wide audience. That’s what Monarch has done with Cate and May. That’s what we need to see more of out of Disney, Lucasfilm, and the MCU. There has to be nuance when developing these characters and stories. They have to feel real, not just performative checkboxes for Xitter clout. You’re always going to have Neckbeards upset that The Force is Female, but don’t feed the trolls with more lazy characters like Rey. Write better ones who line up closer to Ahsoka and Dr. Aphra. Interestingly enough, Chelli is also a queer woman of visibly Asian descent. An just like that, we’ve come full circle! Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is a great show. It’s probably the best thing The Monsterverse has produced to date, and it did so while incorporating a ton of diversity, without alienating the entire audience. That, alone, I think, is worth a watch. And, more to the point, worth the entirety of Hollywood taking note. We need more shows like this, Atlanta, Beef, Reservation Dogs, and The Brothers Sun. It’s not hard to write “Woke” content for the masses, as long as what you write is organic and true to the characters. No one wants to be preached at or pandered to. Monarch towed that line beautifully and every follow it’s example.

[sammygender]

every time i read one of the all so common transphobic articles about the worrying rise in girls transitioning or what fucking ever it’s only like two paragraphs before they start going on about how Many girls feel it is easier to come out as trans male than a lesbian. are you absolutely fucking kidding me. being gay is shit but this is not 1993 it TRULY is not that uncommon or that taboo. i am the first to say that it’s not as easy as the whole ‘gen z are so progressive’ movement makes out it is but the same applies to being trans one hundred fucking times more. sure, when i was 13 and i tried to come out to my mom as into girls she shut me down pretty quick, but by the time i was 16 she was ready for that because the truth is by this point gay people have been in the public consciousness for a while. meanwhile my transness destroys her. lesbians are in tv and they’re all over tiktok and sooooo many 12 year old girls identify as some variant of wlw now, in 2023, in an averagely liberal area. and the average liberal parent isn’t going to care Much if their kid is gay but they very easily might send you to conversion therapy if you’re trans. these days in the uk you don’t get isolated from a friend group the same for mentioning your ex of the same gender in most cases, but correcting someone on a pronoun gets you branded as the crazy transgender in a microsecond and then everyone’ll stay away from you. into more personal experiences: if i told my colleagues (of at least some i’m sure are homophobic) i liked girls (which they’d perceive as gay) i’d get treated weird sure but if my work found out i was trans and not just some quirky little tomboy who the kids mix up the gender of i would 100% be fired.

anyway sorry this is turning into a crazy little rant it just makes me so angry bc this bullshit is everywhere. and it cherry picks the rare detransitioner experience like the ex-gay movement of the 2000s used to and then tells the story of hundreds of other trans people through the eyes of a journalist or a medical practitioner who clearly comes into this not believing them and refers to people consistent in their identity as the opposite and expects us to do the same. literally makes me want to cry because it’s people who have never made the effort to know a trans person and they get to make all the decisions they get to write their little fucking articles in the spectator or the independent or the fucking guardian and they get to put it as this very clear issue where young girls are being duped and medicalised and told there is something wrong with them WHICH OBVIOUSLY ANY RATIONAL PERSON WOULD BE AGAINST and they don’t make any effort to try and understand even though people have been DOING this for hundreds of years it’s just never been this Public before and they’re so cruel about it. & what about the hundreds upon hundreds of adult trans people of whom transitioning saved them? & what about the fact that, in your entire article, you cite 2 detransitioners and just talk about how Certain you are that everyone currently transitioning will regret it without any actual other proof? do you realise that ninety percent of people who transition have no other options and have to do shit like cut off their family or work in different fields than they wanted or lose the ability to raise kids or be poor forever affording it or all of the above?? and of course even if they didn’t it’d still be fine but i just want to make the point to these fucking people that we’re not doing this for fun i would actually literally genuinely murder a human being if it let me be cisgender because it would be so easy & i’ve hated myself for being gay before sure but never to this insane point because at least the world recognises, these days, that homophobia isn’t morally GREAT, and we don’t get articles in every fucking newspaper about the cult of homosexuality young teenagers are recruited into. and i know the process of being trans is fucking weird. that’s bc it IS fucking weird. i just hate it so much no one makes one tiny effort to try and understand it’s just whiplash and Concern and I think we should be very careful what we let children do to themselves…. And like to be perfectly fucking honest i think we should be very careful that we don’t let children kill themselves bc transitioning has a crazy high reduction rate in suicides and if any antidepressant had that suicide reduction rate it’d be a fucking miracle. and yes we should treat kids for mental health before they transition but that would require good mental health services, wouldn’t it, which nobody seems to be working on implementing anyway? so is that an issue with trans healthcare or is that an issue with mental healthcare BC i think it is actually the latter. & i’m so angry that hundreds upon hundreds of people have just accepted this as truth.

[blue-box-man-10]

Asexuality, Aromanticism and Fictionkinnity

Oh boy, here we go. I have yet to see anyone in the community talk about this and the best advice I have seen since being around the fictionkin community is "if no one is talking about your experiences, now is the opportunity for you to talk about them." (Also, as a preface for this, when referring to my canons, I will be using past tense as they are things that have happened to me. However, I do not label my fictionkinnity. I have a hard time distinguishing my experiences and I don't know whether these are past lives or not. All I know is that past tense feels right so that's what I'm gonna use.) Alright, here we go.

For those of you who don't know, I am The 10th Doctor from Doctor Who and Orym of the Air Ashari from Critical Role. If you know these characters, you would know that they undoubtedly experience romantic attraction. Their sexual orientation is arguable, but I'll get into that later. But, as I am know, I experience neither sexual nor romantic attraction. Except...

Okay, so, it's a bit more complicated than "I used to experience this but I don't anymore". I'm going to go over my experiences of both my kintypes separately. (And, as a note, my memory is incredibly fuzzy and most of this is based on my instincts and noemata) We'll start with Orym because... That's easier lol.

As Orym, I am a widower. My husband was killed by assasins who were trying to get to the leader of my people, whom my husband and I were guards of. I was a gay cis man, and I'm like 85% sure I was also ace-spec, but I haven't confirmed it, it's just a hunch. I loved my husband very much, and I still do. But it's in a different way than it was. I'm unsure if I still experience romantic attraction towards him (since I don't know what that feels like) I just feel... Different. It's really hard to describe. It's like "I still love you with all my heart, but now it is coming from a different place"? I guess the best way to describe it is "romantic adjacent", like it's romantic but also not quite. I think I feel this same way about both Dorian and also Ashton, but I'm still figuring that out so I won't talk more on that, sorry lol.

My experiences with my Doctor kintype is basically the same, but also more complicated because I just fell in love more. But it's the same feelings of "romance adjacent". However, sometimes it was, obviously, stronger than others. For example, the attraction towards Rose was (and still is) stronger than, say, Madame De Pompadour, however I still felt romantic attraction towards her, Rose and I's relationship was simply longer and more developed. And, of course, I was asexual. I think that's pretty obvious. Unless it isn't, and if that's the case, all the power to ya. (Huh, I guess this explanation was shorter... Whatever)

So! What does this all mean for me now? Well, good reader, it means that I am still aroace. Mostly. But the thing is, I haven't had any real, proper conversations with any of those people I mentioned (nor those I didnt), so I simply do not know what would happen.

I suspect that if I were to properly talk to them and indeed felt some sort of attraction, it would be similar to queerplatonic attraction, in that it is platonic but also more than that. Or, I could experience romantic attraction, who knows?! Not me. I've never experienced romantic attraction in this life, so I really don't know what it feels like, not what to expect.

This turned into mostly a rant, perhaps I could have planned out my thoughts better, but I just wanted to get out what I was thinking, to document it (or something). But in conclusion, identity is tricky and not always black and white and fictionkin don't always identify the same way as their kintypes. I hope someone who relates will see this, maybe even share their experiences. And if you are fictionkin and knew me (or a version of me) in your canon, asks and dms are always open for sharing, conversing. Okay, bye.

[sw1mmingfoolz]

"smeyers got so much wrong but I really do wish I had the glittery skin :("

"felix, honey, you're not doing yourself any favours"

날 물어뜯어 (진심이야) : BITE ME

synopsis: you're more than familiar with the concept of 'beards' - you've been one for a few of your gay friends to protect them from the suspicious glares of their families within the horribly conservative korean society. however when lee felix - infamous at yonsei for breaking men's hearts - asks you, someone he has spoken to maybe twice, to pretend to date him so he can shake the rumours and prove he really isn't gay, you find yourself caught up in a very complex situation, a mild identity crisis and... wait - are those fangs???

pairing: felix x fem!reader

format: smau with some written parts

content warnings: swearing, blood mentions (obviously), mentions of a toxic past relationship, extremely bad vampire jokes, probably way too many twilight references, mentions of homophobia (but nothing graphic), discussions of sexuality in general, mixing of vampire lores.

genres: college!au, vampire!au, fake relationship!au, f2l, fluff, crack, minimal angst, just a light-hearted vampire fic for all the family lol

taglist: form here or send an ask :) UPDATE: do NOT ask in the replies of episodes! a lot end up going unseen because tumblr is tumblr haha, you will not be added from now on if asked in replies, sorry!

start: 03/04/2022 (April 3rd) | end: tba

updates: weekdays

a/n: here i am ignoring requests like the adhd suffering dumbass i am with a new, extremely niche smau! i'll be releasing the profiles in the next week :) {DISCLAIMER!!!} there are discussions of sexuality in this fic (of course!), but honestly Felix has said some rather bi stuff in the past and i don't like to assume people's sexualities especially when he's in an industry where he wouldn't be able to come out so. whether he is straight or bi is kept pretty nebulous in this fic :) it's more about the "why do i have this reputation when i have never dated anyone" and "why are there VAMPIRES i didn't KNOW ABOUT at a fucking SEOUL COLLEGE??"

episode list:

profiles:

y/n's group | the bang chan coven

chapters:

prologue : not human

chapter 1 : if i had a pulse

chapter 2 : lowkey gorgeous

chapter 3 : with a woman

chapter 4 : choi san

chapter 5 : restraining order

chapter 6 : emo phase

chapter 7 (coming soon!)

[euphoriaonpluto]

Queer Representation

Alright let's talk about Loki and Good Omens.

Before anyone tries anything, I am going to state upfront that I am a biromantic asexual. So keep that in mind before you automatically take what I want to say in bad faith and go to accuse me of bigotry.

I want to talk about how the only ones benefitting from the way we handle queer rep discourse right now are the queerphobic networks and execs.

First, let's look at Loki. The MCU's first canonically queer character. Since episode 4 came out yesterday, I have seen multiple accusations go around of people who are upset about the hinted romance between Loki and Sylvie being biphobic. Bi people are allowed to date people of the opposite gender, you say. And of course they are. But you are purposefully missing the whole point of why people are upset.

The MCU is a 13 year old franchise and Loki is the first time they are actively acknowledging the existance of queer people. This, despite how infuriating it is, is pretty par for the course when it comes to fantasy and sci-fi media. These two genres are notoriously horrible when it comes to diversity and the portrayal of queerness. So it's only natural that people are going to be upset about what Disney is doing right now, and no, they aren't upset because they hate bisexuals.

Fiction in inherently limited to what is portrayed on screen/in the text. We don't know a character's every thought and feeling and we have not seen their entire life. Which is why good media follows the 'show not tell' rule. A character making an off-handed comment about their sexuality is never going to be enough representation, not when Marvel continues to refuse to portray explicity queer relationships or have their queer characters have any experiences tied to their queerness at all.

So sure, bisexuals can date people of the opposite gender and still be bisexual, obviously. But why are you guys acting as it that isn't how most bi people are portrayed anyways? Aren't most bisexual characters only shown being in het-alighned relationships and their identities only acknoleghed like a couple of times in passing converations? Please point me to the abundance of bisexual characters in fantasy and sci-fi shows who have actually been shown being in a relationship with a person of the same gender or have explicitly gone through stuff linked to their queer identity. Please go ahead.

Now let's look at Good Omens, specifically Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship. The constant discourse there is that queer relationships don't always need to be physical. "Aziraphale and Crowley can be asexual!!!! They don't have to kiss on screen for their relationship to be valid!!!!!" Okay fine but can you please first point me to all of those explicit mlm couples that you are refering to when you use the word always. What does always mean in this case? Are you telling me that fantasy and sci-fi shows are so oversaturated with explicit mlm and wlw relationships that some change of pace is desparately needed?

All of this discourse around the two shows is purposefully ignoring the history of homophobia in film and TV. Despite the code being removed almost sixty years ago, the film indistry is still in the shackles of the fucking Hays code. Queerness is viewed as dirty and sinful. Queer men and viewed as sick predators. MLM relationships are treated are perverted and nsfw and will someone please think of the children!

So why, please tell me, WHY are you giving the powers that be such loopholes for them to continue to not portray queerness while wearing a brand new woke hat? Do you not realise that you are giving Disney the option to continue to never portray queer relationships because all they had to do was write one short line of dialogue and now whenever someone tries to demand mlm representation they are going to be accused of biphobia. Loki can go on to never be shown having interest in someone of the same gender or having queer experiances at all, be it discussing his identity or anyone else around him acknowledging it or having his part experiences shape his behavior or anything at all that is just part of real queer people's lives. And people will continue to uphold his character as good representation because he said the sentence "a bit of both". Disney would rather Loki go and fuck a female version of himself than portray a mlm relationship on screen and you go and accuse people of biphobia for pointing that out.

Nuance is great. It's needed. But, perhaps, before we start talking about the nuances of sexuality and identity and the nature of queer relationships we should at least get to see some gay people kiss on screen, don't you think? When there is sufficient mlm and wlw representation in fantasy and sci-fi shows and movies, we can go on to talk about all of these things. But until then all you're doing is giving networks the excuse to never show an ounce of queerness on screen and then market their product as queer rep becase the writer said they love each other on twitter and oh if you object to that at all you're acephobic because their relationship doesn't have to be physical! Nevermind that homophobia still holds that industry by the throat and they continue to find gay relationships are disgusting and less than and to be avoided at all cost.

TL:DR - let some gay people kiss on screen first before you start giving networks exuses to not portray explicit queerness.

[dykedonalds]

I'm Molly, I'm 22, and I am a reidentified butch lesbian. This is my experience with transitioning and sexuality, and how and why I got here.

At 13 I started experiencing dysphoria and was told by online communities and friends that that meant I was trans. I came out to my parents at 15, started testosterone at 16, started "living as a man" ("passing" and getting referred to as and treated as a man by strangers) at 17, and had a double mastectomy at 19.

Transition is by far not any sort of cure for dysphoria, and is certainly not the best, most effective, or safest way to help dysphoria...but as much as I remind myself of that, as much as I thoroughly understand that, I can't argue that it didn't alleviate my dysphoria greatly. This isn't me saying that I or anybody with dysphoria should medically transition, or that it isn't a money making industry, or that it isn't taking advantage of dysphoric homosexual youth, this is just me saying that there is a reason so many of us have chased it. It felt good, and it still feels good in a way I don't like to admit.

I am aware that deeply ingrained misogyny, homophobia, and rejection based self loathing are what caused my dysphoria, my discomfort with my breasts, my hips, my high voice, etc...but I am not going to try and lie and say that it doesn't feel good to have a flat chest, to have slimmer hips, to have a male passing voice, and to be able to pass as a man if I want to. If I could go back in time and stop myself I would and I would encourage myself to seek therapeutic methods of acceptance instead, but it still feels good.

From 13 to 18 I identified as a "gay trans man". Looking back, this was likely the result of envying the biological sex and gender roles of men, being afraid to socialize with gender conforming girls or women, and being too uncomfortable with my body and sexuality to actually have or even think about having any sort of sexual experience.

At 19, when I actually started having sexual and romantic experiences, I was strictly "T4T"...meaning I only was interested in and attracted to other trans men, more often those who hadn't yet or didn't want to transition. Meaning that when I started having sex, I only wanted to do so with other women. I also started identifying as non binary because it "felt more right". I think this was because I was subconsciously inching my way "closer" to understanding myself as a lesbian.

At 20 I was still calling myself non binary, but bi instead of gay, no longer just T4T and extended my pool of sexual interest to women as well. My "genital preference" was nagging me in the back of my head. Still delusioned by trans rights activism and the rules of gender and sexuality that come along with it, I felt I could either be bi and be quiet about my genital preference, or I could be a non binary lesbian (and claim my butch identity) and be quiet about my genital preference and also never express my attraction to any trans identifying female.

And I decided to take the route of identifying as a butch lesbian. A lot of TRA circles, or at least the ones I am in, are surprisingly and ironically ready to except me as a lesbian who is transitioned. Of course they are doing this on merit of me saying "I am a lesbian" rather than because I am a female who is exclusively attracted to other females.

This acceptance of self was what ignited my changing perspective because it created an obviously true and easy to follow line of logic that was very very hard to ignore, and that I was only able to ignore for about half a year. This line was:

I am a female. I am attracted exclusively to females. I have certain experiences with sexuality, gender non conformity, and gender dysphoria that are only shared by other females who are attracted exclusively to females. There should really be a word for this. There is, it's "lesbian".

This realization led to many many more realizations and I started viewing transess, what it stands for, how it operates, and who it affects more broadly, and when I took in the whole picture, trans rights activism within the context of the world, I understood how real biological sex is. I understood that while the concept of gender identity is something that can make being homosexual and being gender non conforming seem less scary, it is not eliminating or fixing or lessening what makes those things difficult in the first place. I understood that it makes room for heterosexual people, especially heterosexual men, in homosexual and women only spaces. I understood that female is a class. By 21 I was understanding that all the things I had been warned not to listen to "terfs" about are true.

I sympathize with trans identified people, mostly the female ones, and acknowledge that many of them face the same oppression and marginalization that homosexuals and/or women face, though I also acknowledge that when they face these issues they are facing them as a result of homophobia and/or misogyny. Not as a result of "transphobia".

I also sympathize with transitioned trans people, not only because I have been in their position, but also because the industry of medical transition was made to easily take advantage of homosexual and gender non conforming youth, and I do not want to blame said youth for being coerced and fear mongered into it.

My social life is still mostly TRA circles because most of my friends are trans identified females, and (selfishly) because I'd rather be quiet about this and have a plethora of gender nonconforming homosexual female friends than be exiled from the communities I've planted myself in. And that's just the way it is for now.

If you read all this, thank you. And if you didn't, I understand.

[likearecordbb]

about your post on the recent discourse...

it's honestly so confusing to me because like,, you say that ppl pointing out how members of this fandom will make neil very stereotypically 'feminine' is reinforcing the idea of 'masculinity' as one thing and 'femininity' as another.... and i get that we should get rid of these labels. but at the same time... the content itself that ppl are criticising (the ones that 'feminize' neil) are already doing just that. that's why they're criticising it.

i can't point out how ppl are reinforcing the idea that a relationship should have a 'man' and a 'woman', without... saying that that's what they're doing. the writer themselves already sees relationships this way and 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as two different distinct things. that's exactly *why* they're writing neil this way while keeping andrew close to canon.

there's nothing wrong with neil being stereotypically 'feminine' of course. but to act like it's somehow misogynistic for me to go to these ppl and be like 'hey, u shouldn't view mlm relationships through the lens of a hetero one! it can be very harmful' is weird to me... *especially* considering these stereotypes that ppl are pushing onto neil come from misogyny themselves. (ppl making neil much much more emotional than he is in canon while keeping andrew very stoic)

idk, like... ur simultaneously saying that we shouldn't view relationships as needing a 'man' and a 'woman'... while defending people who are doing just that and creating content which reinforces just that.

it's one thing to say 'we shouldn't view masculinity and femininity as two distinct and different things!'/'we should get rid of these labels all together cause they're meaningless'... but if i look at the content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes... then i can't help but feel like ur not as detached from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as u would like to believe... i trust the ppl who say these ideas are meaningless while not changing the canon characters because they seem to be sticking to their words.

people will just say that they prefer writing andreil is this heternormative way... they'll just say it what they like or what they're most comfortable writing without ever questioning *why* they prefer it this way.

and if they're projecting.. well then, *why* this couple? why pick an mlm couple to project what is often the experience of a cis woman in a relationship? why pick this mlm couple when there are others that do fit the stereotypical heternormative dynamic? idk. like,, u can do this ofc, but ppl can also call u out on ur shit.

there's an undeniable reason that neil is exclusively the one that ppl pick to make more stereotypically 'feminine'. and there's a reason this type of content is also so popular. and it's certainly not wrong to point this out.

You know, I can see all of these points that you're making. For me, the overall issue of this is very complicated. I am also super uncomfortable with the imposition of heteronormative roles onto...well, onto any relationship, regardless of the identities of the people who constitute it. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the gay community by lesbian moms (together 38 years now, jfc, can you imagine??), so that "man/woman" thing was never something that I grew up internalizing or normalizing. I can recognize that this may give me a bit too much of a sense of objectivity.

However, I'm also like...I've been ruined by grad school. The "feminizing" word makes me really uncomfortable because it starts to stray for me into gender essentialism territory. It also seems to foundationally differentiate between "masculine" behaviors and "feminine" behaviors and I just really hate that? Lesbian moms, trans daughter, bi (and late-in-life trying to see where on the ace spectrum I might fall) self, I've just met so many people with so many expressions of gender and sexuality and I just... Idk, I automatically resist anything that feels like it's upholding "masculinity" and "femininity" as real (as in, not constructed) things. And then I also am like, well, I've known SO MANY gay men who behaved in the ways that the discourse constructs as "feminized" and then I start to feel like, what about these men? Are they less 'men' because of it? How would it feel for that man to read these things saying his identity expression was a problem or a bad stereotype? Do I read *Neil Josten* within that context... no, not really. I think Neil has a 'not enough emotional expression' problem way before he has a 'too much emotional expression' problem.

I'll say here what I often say to my students in complex discussions: I don't have answers. I don't think I'm right and anyone else is wrong. I just have complicated thoughts and feelings and concerns about some of the things that sometimes seem to be left uninterrogated.

So, I do 100% get the need to be vigilant about the imposition of a "man" (dominant, emotionally constipated, sexually driven, stoic) role and "woman" (emotional, needy, teary, dependent) role onto relationships with two (or more!) men or women. I would also argue that we need to get rid of that idea in hetero relationships, too, because it's super damaging. I just wish we could find a way to talk about that that didn't feel like it was accepting this idea of femininity as a given? And I definitely agree that it's problematic when the 'bottom' in a relationship is depicted as the one who's soft and silly and weepy. (Have you read TJ Klune's Tales from Verania series? A VERY fun world that does that not at all and it's great). I'm not saying these things are not worth confronting--I'm just really uncomfortable with the way the conversations are often framed around a concept of femininity/feminizing. It feels like shrapnel, I guess? Like, 'ugh stop feminizing Neil he's not weepy and uwu he's a badass' feels inherently to me like it's making femininity and badassery mutually exclusive? Maybe I'm just looking for a caveat or footnote in the argument that acknowledges that that is constructed *for women too*? And is a part of, like, a larger heteronormative patriarchal structure? And not something that we can just all obviously agree is the way the ladies (should?) behave?

One other question I've been dying to ask, though, is: where are these fics? I don't think I've ever read something where Neil is crying over Jack being mean to him or anything. Maybe if I start to see hints of that characterization, I just close the tab and never end up getting to the 'worst' of it?

Although, if what you said earlier about the "content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes..." was referring to me, then... idk what to say to that. I don't think that's what I do. The heteronormative relationship that you're describing isn't one that I enjoy, desire for myself (or anyone else), or have any interest in reproducing.

Does this clarify what I'm trying to say? I guess it's a really long way of saying, in the old insufferable grad school tradition: well, first we have to define our terms. Because I'm not sure we're all coming up with the same thing when we use the word "feminizing" and that probably has a lot to do with why we keep having this exact same conversation over and over and over again.

If I missed any specific point you'd like to pick at in more detail, please let me know--my very sad platonic life partner (who had to put her beloved 15-year-old poodle to sleep yesterday) and her mom are waiting for me to drive them to the stores for a distraction, so I'm feeling a little time pressure.