#like this shit physically hurts me oh my god i'm sick

[lasshoe]

[akaashiwaifuuwu]

dress - taylor swift

Lee felix and fem reader

Warning : smut, yn ex is a jerk, very fluffy, last part is inspired by friend (season2 ep 4), being called slut (that's it ig)

(An: I have exams going on its my half yearly, it will end tomorrow plus it's durga puja knocking was very busy with shopping and all I hope you all like it, please interact with my works as it helps me !!)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !!

you broke up. It's done. All those things just flashed infront of your eyes, the memories, the kisses, the I love yous, it's all gone, he was cheating on you this entire time.

It meant nothing to him, but it meant everything to you all those 4 years went to a vain, he was manipulating you, mental and physical abuse which you ignored because you were so in love with him. They say in love every wrong becomes rights.

"Excuse me, you will catch cold" your dull eyes meet a boy who have freckles. "Are you okay?" He was holding the umbrella above both of you and you nodded yes "tell me, what's bothering you" that's it. You broke down.

He was scared "can I touch you?" He asked and you replied yes causing him to hug you and you cried harder. "Let's get you home, you will get sick yeah?" You nodded.

"I don't know where you live" that guy said "oh, I'm felix, lee felix" he smiled at you "im y/n and I live here" you pointed him your block "no way, i live here" he smiled "your smile gives comfort" you looked down "well, see you soon" he said "don't you wanna come in?" You turned around

"wouldn't it be a problem for you?" He looked at you "not really" you look dull "well we can-" you were cut off my him "I can come some other day okay?" He smiled and went back waving you goodbye.

It has been 3 months since the break up, will you say you're over him? no. You haven't met that guy since that day, you wanted to show him your gratitude.

"Oh my God, we met finally, I was waiting for you to call me, I'm hurt that you didn't" that voice. You turned around to see it was your ex. You wanted to run away. He grabbed your wrist "let's go yeah?" You grabbed his hand which was holding your hand "you're inflicting me pain".

"Me? i could never ever hurt you" He yelled "it's you who hurts me, you know I love you" you were going to give in but his grasp was so tight, you were pretty sure you have bruise now.

"Look she is hurt, let her go mister" ah that freckle boy you saw, he had 7 more ppl they all look so strong "okay whatever you got new people to fuck, enjoy being a slut".

You were crying, again. You were hurt, again.

"I dare you to say that again" the freckle boy said "she is a-" he stopped "whatever, she is a pathetic whore" uh oh "that's it" felix walked towards him and you tugged him, his eyes soften.

You were there, you can't hear anything. "Hey, yn you're okay?" You smiled and walked away. You were so dumb, stupid, so in love.

Felix ran upto you. "Hey, let's go out" he said, the freckled boy heard a whimper as he turn around he saw you crying. Soon you bursed into tears

"Was I not good enough?" You dont know him, yet you trust him.

Here you are, it has been 2 years since that messy break up took place, you and felix have been extremely close, he is studying computer science and you're doing law.

It's peaceful being with him. Comfortable silence you know? It's not awkward.

"Yn" he called you out

| say my name and everything just stops |

"Yes?" You looked at him. Oh how you melted. "I bought KitKat for you!" He exclaimed smilingly. "You remember?"

"Obviously baby" ah. That nickname which makes you wanna scream, yell, rip off your hairs, you were flabbergasted. He held his hands out "let's go?" And you hold his hand back 'webtoon typa shit' you told yourself.

You were walking peacefully when felix told you to go back you were confused and you heard someone call out your name as you turn back, him.

you were in shock. Felix pulled your hand and you both started walking away. "I didn't feel anything" you were dull "I moved on" you smiled and felix wiped your tears.

It's okay yn, you did it, you thought to yourself.

felix was knocking at your door while saying "yn yn yn yn yn yn-" you finally opened the door "oh my god what do you want, it's 3 am, 3 AM!" You looked at him "it actually 3:15 am but nevermind I saw your lights on so I thought to check up on you" wow, wait what? "What were doing late night?" You looked concerned "Stop making that face or else you will get wrinkles".

Deadass. "Okay okay I wasn't able to sleep" you stopped blocking the door and he let himself in, he saw all the notes, books scattered "Woah there, you're cramming?" He looked at you "im sleepy" you said "you ain't wearing a bra?" He was flabbergasted "buffon, I will sleep and you expect me to wear bra while I'm at my room?".

Fair point.

"Let's sleep" felix took your hands and turned off the lights "you can sleep?" You looked at him "my room was cold and I guess I need something warm enough" he smiled while you both lay down. "What are we?" You both looked at eachother, he replied "anything you wants us to be" oh that stupid smile.

| I don't want you like my bestfriend |

Your head was resting on felixs arm. You both were close. Very close. But you were too sleepy to notice anything. Once you closed your eyes felix heard your snores and you turned to him while grabbing his waist. It's normal for you both to cuddle.

In your dream you both had a family and cute little family, where he took care of you both. It was amazing.

You woke up and saw him holding you tightly as if you were a glass which he doesn't want to let you go and slip so that you will break. The way when you broke he picked every piece of you. He is holding you so that you don't break again.

Your heart flutters, bestfriends feels like this right? Once you removed his hair covering his forehead "yes angel?" He looked at you. You are stucked. You just wanna be his.

Today's class was so hectic "lix" you yelled while hugging him and you saw his friend circle "ayo how's you" minho looked at you, you smiled at him.

Oh how jealous he was "soooooooo" hyunjin came and looked at you "Are you dating?" Hyunjin got a no from you "let's go on a date then".

Felix stopped working. "Well I like certain someone if something doesn't work with them, you can be my side chick" you winked at him.

"If he can't fuck you, you're most welcome to come towards me, I bet my fingers will help you" he smiled "anyways" you looked at felix "why don't we watch some movies".

Felix. His name gives you endorphins. You just want him to hold you. "Morning" you heard while you met him on your way to shopping market "youre coming with me" he smiled at your command "Where are we going?" He laughed.

While you were trying on cloths he was taking your packages "how's this dress?" He looked at you "wow, you look amazing" he whispered as if something took his breathe away "look at the back it's so pretty" backless. It was backless.

Right now at the party you were wearing the same outfit with heels and red lipstick. People were looking at you. Felix was definitely flabbergasted.

| only bought this dress so you can take it off |

Here you were kissing him while holding his collars and his knee on between your legs. You were at his place. While whimpering and grinding on his knee while he was kissing you "you looked so pretty, hard to touch". He said as he started removing your heels.

From lips to legs he kissed every inch of your body. "You're so ethereal honey" he removed your dress, you felt so surreal. "I love you" you said it, you were vulnerable and you did. "I love you too, my love"

"Fuck youre this wet?" You were shy "im sorry" you looked away "why are you apologizing?" He looked at you "my ex told me being wet is bad, it means im a slut and get turned on by everyone" you looked at him.

"Oh fuck that bitch, being wet is good and normal there's nothing to apologize for, my love" he took you to his bed.

"Ethereal" he look at your face, "I can fuck you better than hyunjin".

"May I have your consent?" He looked at you "yes darling" he took off his cloths and your bra and panties "wow, I got no words, I'm so mesmerized by you"

He played with your clit causing you to moan, and then he licked your pussy while playing with your clit, you grabbed his hair, while trying to close your leg between which you were unable to due to his head.

"I will come please please" he smiled while inserting the finger and playing with the clit.

Your head rested on your bed "oh you came" you smiled and you looked so fucked up, "how do you feel?" You were not able to answer at all "your leg is still shaking? You won't be able to handle me take rest baby".

"No no no I need you please" you grabbed him while crying "okay okay okay, have me all you want" he said while wearing the condom.

He said while inserting himself and grabbed him so hard, it felt amazing and you screamed, "aw are you feeling good?" He said while thrusting himself "you're so cute" he smiled.

"Felix" you moaned and clenched so hard "fuck baby, you're clenching so hard" you're about to cum and he is too.

He went deep and slow "felix" you screamed and came and he came inside you.

It's morning, "sleeping beauty smh" hyunjin was walking while you woke up and you had cloths on? How? "hyujin, how many times I gotta tell you? This is real life not some texting shit" minho glared at him "whatever" hyunjin threw his head back "180 degree, 20 minutes" once hyunjin heard it, he shut up.

"Yn you're up" bangchan looked at you the atmosphere was too serious "okay I pull up" you said thinking it will lift the vibes "that's the worst way you can try to change the atmosphere, yn you have skill issues" minho walked.

"So are you two official?" Changbin interrupts "what are you talking about?".

"You're wearing his clothes the hell bro?" Jisung said while drinking coffee, you layed down on his bed and turned facing his bed while kicking your feet and giggling, "are you stupid?" Seungmin added "stupidly in love with felix" you mumbled but you were pretty sure no one was able to catch it as your face was pressed into the bed.

"Pardon?" Jeongin asked "nothing" you got up "where's felix?" Once you looked at the guys, you saw they guys closed their eyes, "yn wear pants" chan scolded you "im wearing look" you lifted your shirt but they still didn't open their eyes.

"You know what I will find felix" you sighs heavily, while walking towards kitchen "you're awake" he made a comment "so about yesterday, what are we" you asked him "clearly not bestfriend" he laughed.

"Gimme kiss" you pouted "brush your teeth" he looked at you "okay daddy" you walked away.

Once you were back you saw the guys at the kitchen "you both had sex?" chan banged his hands to the table "okay okay it happened but I like her and she likes me too, it's mutual" chan saw you.

"You didn't even said that to me?" Chan looked so hurt. "You didn't even said you liked her" chan looked at you "I thought I don't have chance so it would've been better".

"You betrayed me" chan looked at you "you know the time, when we heard chan moaning it's cause he was sending a girl memos of him moaning and she gave him money" everyone gasped "how did you know?" Chan exclaimed while pointing at felix "who told you" the pointing fingers turned into minho "you're a death meat" minho looked away.

"Minho have a third nipple" chan exclaimed "you bitch" minho gasped while everyone looking at him "hyunjin pays money to girls to tell him he's a bad boy, and degrade him" minho pointed him "if im going down im taking everyone with me" minho smiled proudly.

"Guy's we are forgetting felix and yn are dating" changbin reminds "okay so we didn't confess but yn would you like to be my girlfriend?" He looked at you "I can't comprehend what just happened but yes I would love too and minho you have a third nipple?" You smiled "don't remind them" minho whispered.

[irondad-defensesquad]

A/N: touch starvation strikes again!!!!!! Blame my insomnia.

I'm so sorry for being unoriginal, lmao.

EDIT: now posted on AO3!

DO NOT SHIP PETER AND TONY. P/ROSHIP DNI.

--

“H-Hey, Mr. Stark, what’s up?”

“Oh, hey, kid.”

Tony is working on Iron Man. He doesn’t completely ignore Peter, but the latter isn’t the focus right now, clearly.

Peter pretends his eyes aren’t tearing up.

He feels so childish or it.

What was he expecting? That Tony would hug him to welcome him back in the workshop? Or at least pat his shoulder? Anything physical?

They’re not there yet.

Peter rushes to the most distant counter in the lab, so Tony doesn’t realize how upset he is. Maybe Peter just needs to focus on homework right now.

His skin feels odd. It feels itchy. But not like mosquito bites or allergies. It’s asking for something, and he doesn’t know what it is. Peter has tried to hug himself several times lately and it never works. His shoulders and back are tense, and his leg is shaking but moving it or walking doesn’t make it stop.

Tony is still there working, apparently not noticing that Peter is far away.

And Peter hates that. Even though he wanted to sit there to avoid questions.

What does he want, then? For Tony to notice? Shouldn’t he just ask him? No, no that would be too obvious, and he doesn’t want to get in the way of his mentor’s work.

Peter just feels like weeping pathetically. He couldn’t sleep well last night, wanting someone there with him. Aunt May got home too late, and he knew she needed all the time to rest before starting another day.

Then Ned didn’t go to school today because he got sick. MJ wasn’t around either, but Peter has no idea why. She never talks to him.

The arachnid stares at the blank homework paper. Peter can’t think straight.

Gulping, he stands up and quickly tries to come up with an excuse.

“I’ll, uh… g-get something to drink…” Peter says it rather lowly. So, obviously, Tony doesn’t quite mind it. The man hums, but it could be at the Iron Man projection in front of him.

Peter tries to silence the childish urge to run away to his room to cry. He just walks away miserably to the kitchen.

He opens the huge fridge. There’s literally everything there. Water, juice, soda, wine (probably Pepper’s), and then in the freezer there’s ice cream. Tony mostly buys them for Peter, but the man might eat them every now and then.

Once again, he stands there frozen.

Staring at everything but seeing nothing that could soothe him.

Peter takes a can of soda, but once he opens it, it spills all over the floor because of the gas.

“No, no, NO- goddammit!” He curses. He has to clean that.

But he can’t, either.

Peter just starts crying because of some stupid soda. He tries holding it in, to no avail.

Come on, I have to clean this and go back to the lab, he thinks. But Mr. Stark is too busy for me. He doesn’t want to hug me. Why would he? He’s just my…

… What is Tony to him, really?

“Peter? Where are you—”

Someone freezes.

“Oh my god, Peter, are you okay? Are you hurt?” Tony rushes to him, expecting the worst.

“N-No, I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark.”

“Oh, it’s okay,” Tony reassures him, seeing that it’s just spilled drink on the floor that can easily be handled. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing.”

“Come on, get up, let’s sit for a bit.”

Peter might flinch at the hands rubbing his shoulders like it’s a small massage. Tony stops and Peter hates him for it.

Either way, he obeys Tony, and he sits on the nearest chair. The latter takes less than five minutes to clean the soda off the floor. Then, he sits in front of Peter.

“You can talk to me, bud. Is it school? Patrol? Something else?”

“N-No, you don’t have to worry about it…”

“Well, I do. I’m not gonna let you suffer like this.”

Peter clutches his own sleeves.

“… You didn’t even notice me when I arrived.”

“What?”

Oh, shit. Now what?

“Y-You didn’t even look at me or- or- I dunno!” Peter keeps talking without much filter. “Like me being there wouldn’t have made a difference. But like… y-you don’t have to pay attention to me 24/7, Mr. Stark, I’m sorry I got mad about that, it’s just, something is wrong with me, I didn’t sleep well last night, school has been bad but it was worse today, I haven’t actually talked to anyone in… days? I think? But not just that, I…”

Peter sheds tears again, the anger being more towards himself, not Tony.

“I thought you’d at least… welcome me.” Hug me. Hug me after a horrible day. After so many bad days. “B-But- it’s not your fault, I’m just being stupid.”

“Oh, kiddo… I’m so sorry.” Tony looks so guilty.

Peter regrets saying anything. “No, you don’t have to—”

“No, you’re right, I didn’t pay attention to you. I’m sorry.”

“Like I said, you don’t have to—”

“Yeah, but dang it, I should’ve asked. I should’ve noticed something at least.”

“Maybe I should’ve said something, too. But I was scared you’d get annoyed.”

“See, I didn’t mean for you to think that way. You’re not going to annoy me. Sorry I didn’t make that clear to you.”

Peter would’ve protested, but they might be here forever, so he sighs in defeat. “Okay.”

He’s staring at his own lap, his jeans stained with several teardrops.

In the meantime, Tony looks at him. Maybe trying to figure out what Peter needs right now.

It doesn’t take long, really.

Tony stands up and offers a hand. Peter expects him to just help him get on his feet again.

Only for Tony to immediately pull him in his arms.

And he says nothing else.

Just breathes with Peter.

The boy is frozen for a good time before he returns the hug with some desperation. Please, don’t let go, don’t let go.

Tony automatically squeezes him in response. I’ve got you, you’re safe.

Yeah, Tony makes him feel safe. Whether in the armor or not… he’s a hero.

He keeps rubbing Peter’s back, trying to relax his tense muscles. It always makes Peter flinch inside, which is, weirdly… soothing. The itching is dispersing, calming down.

He might cry again, but it’s out of relief.

The teen pretty much lies down on the other. Tony might be smiling. Soon, he nuzzles Peter’s head.

“Kid?” He calls.

“Hmm?”

“You know you’re adorable, right?”

“Shhhut up…” Peter whines.

Tony snorts. He hasn’t released Peter even if he might have loosened his grip a bit.

“Come on,” the man instructs. Peter almost thinks they’re going back in the lab, but they’re going the other way.

At first, Peter thinks it’s his room. And he doesn’t want Tony to leave him alone in there. Not yet. But Tony knows, so they go to the latter’s room instead. To Tony’s huge bed.

“Wait… what about your work, Mr. Stark?” Peter remembers.

“It can wait. You’re my top priority right now.”

Peter blushes. “Oh.”

Tony’s bed feels like paradise. It’s so comfortable.

“Thanks, Mr. Stark.”

“Of course, Peter.”

This last morning was so cold and lonely. The whole apartment was empty and depressing to be in. And now, Peter is warm again.

“Mr. Stark?”

“Yeah?”

…

“I love you…”

Peter is rather sleepy, so he doesn’t have to worry about these words until later.

He does faintly get to hear the response.

“I love you too, buddy.”

And just that is enough for Peter to fall asleep in peace.

[miitarashi]

OK, so being a woman, in many cases, means getting the dreaded bloodbath, so, as someone who gets the most painful and heavy periods known to man (thats how i feel anyway, i often get cramps that leave me physically unable to walk for up to almost four hours), could u do headcannons where Tintin takes care of the reader during that time? What he would do if we had cramps or just feeling ill on our period, I just think he would be a total sweetheart when it comes to caring for someone who feels sick

Nah i totally feel you on this one,i have really bad cramps too lol. Such cute request need to be done 😌👌🏽

[Name] = reader (female)

Warnings: bloodbath cuz God fucking dammit-

☆Tintin headcanons☆

- Taking care of you on your period

Let's just start by the fact that this boy didn't had that much contact with other womans before. You was the first more active in his life.

Castaphiore is not that present so she don't properly count here (even more on the movie since Tintin only saw her,not even talked before lol)

So,he didn't really know what to expect,to say that he wasn't surprised is a lie even more watching your squirm in pain because of the bloodbath of the month coming down.

The boy got scared for a second,confused and then was just the "Oh..." from the realization lol.

But if you was dramatic about it (just like me,always feel like i'm dying slowly) it'll be 100% more funny. Like

Tintin just got back from the library passing by your home,hear your painful pleas and rush to see you squirming in pain

"[Name],what happen? Are you hurt?"

"Yes! I'm dying!! It hurts like hell! .....i'm seen the light...it's so bright..."

"[Name] don't say it,tell what is wrong,where are you hurted??"

"...Tintin...Tintin my love...my last words...listen and listen well..."

"[Name] please stop and explain!"

"It's this damm uterus!! Take this out!!"

".....what in the great heavens-"

After you finally calmed down (just enough to not make another drama) and explain about the period bro was literally like this 😐

Almost gave him a heart attack but hey! It was hurting you know? You had your reasons.

But after all drama,he soon put his hands at work asking what you wanted and what would make you feel better in his jornalist kinda of way gauthering all the information he could to not need to ask again,only act.

Even more after seen your state,feeling this much pain couldn't be normal.

First thing he did was to get the water compress with hot water for you and quickly get out to buy whatever you asked.

Chocolate,medicine,pads and everything and he new the type since he made sure to ask about it.

Your fluid temper was even a bit funny to watch. In a moment he was cuddling with you because you asked and wanted comfort but suddenly you pushed him away complaining about the closeness.

But as soon he walked a little away you begged for him to come back receiving a well deserved smug look from him.

If you got angry,that was the easy one. He already deal with Haddock,bro now the hints.

"WHY THIS HAPPEN?? IT UNFAIR AS FUCK! WHY I HAVE TO FUCKING BLEED TO DEATH???"

"Indeed,you're right"

"EXACTLY! THIS FUCKING THING! I DON'T EVEN WANT CHILDRENS! WHY THIS SHIT HAPPEN TO ME??? JUST BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING WOMAN?? I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE ONE???"

"Now now..." smoothly coming closer,putting a hand on your shoulder and a chocolate bar on the other. "You're indeed right my dear,now,don't force yourself too much,here" slowly moving the bar towards your mouth that you open and munch the sweet

"There,better?" You nod. "Cuddles and nap?" You nod again and softly follow him.

Bro need one chocolate and a dream lol.

He spend the whole day with you until you feel better,even so he still stay just to be sure that at least the excrutiating pain passed.

And he respect every little thing. You become clingy? He'll keep you around,hugging you from behind,resting his head on your shoulder while watching something, never fully keeping his hands off you.

Want space? He'll keep close just enough to hear and help you with anything you need.

Suddenly feeling sad and ugly? Shower you with compliments saying every little thing he likes or find cute while caressing the back of your hand with his thumb.

Renting and mumbling? Keep talking because this man is listening and focused on your words to discuss about it independent of the subject.

Overal,he'll do his utmost best to help yoi with the monthly bloodbath, even more prepared after this first proper experience of your living hell that you'll not pass alone anymore 😘

___________________________________________

A/N: Hey there! Sorry for the late post,just really was working on that one long fic i just posted on my AO3 account but! I'm back now to write the requests that are getting dust on my ask box lol. And bro??? Why and how i'm so close to have 100 followers?? Like what- thank you guys so much! 😘

[frecklystars]

i still feel absolutely fucking nothing for my f/os and im so depressed and i wanna die and my birthday is friday and i hate my birthday and i just. rahh. i wanna self ship again. thats it!! i just wanna self ship again thats literally all i want to do!! but instead ive been in and out of the hospital every couple of weeks bc i'm having so many panic attacks that make me feel like im going to die

i am so fucked up from all the bullshit i was put through these last 2 years that i cannot fucking function, i am so paranoid all the time that anyone who interacts with me is out to get me because they [redacted reasons i cannot publicly state]. it doesnt matter if ive known someone for 1 day or 10 years, i dont trust anyone online anymore. i dont trust anyone who's nice to me because so many times it was people with malicious intentions. i dont fucking trust any TF blogs, ive been blocking any TF blog who interacts with me On Sight from all the shit that ppl from that fandom put me through.

there's 600 new inbox messages now and i havent opened any of them. people are sending me dms every single day and i havent opened any of them. i hate that my distrust towards irl people has bled into self shipping and now i am just Too Depressed to self ship. it is my anniversary w/ a character who's supposed to be such a comfort to me today and i feel Nothing. driver used to be Everything to me. driver used to make me feel so comfortable and safe. i feel so numb when i look at my f/os, there is just nothing there. it is my birthday soon and i should be so proud of myself for fighting through all the bullshit my abuser has thrown at me but i feel Nothing. self shipping used to help me at least cope with the depression. i just want to have my comfort characters again. thats it. i wouldnt care how many people are trying to kill me or stalk me or attack me if i just had my f/os to help me cope thru all of it

i genuinely think i'd feel better if i tried to be online and make edits and draw more and interact with the sweet people in my inbox. i used to feel so so so much better when people would send me nice asks, F/O reassurance, fics, fanart, etc etc but at the same time i will see a nice ask and immediately believe "oh. this is a trap. this person is going to pretend to be nice to me, try to get closer, but it's a trap" based off of MULTIPLE traumatic events my abuser put me through the last 2 years. this is such an unhealthy mindset to have, to not trust anyone kind to me, and i wish i knew how to turn it off. ive never been paranoid like this, ever, until a series of events happened this entire last 2 years and i just. i cannot fucking trust anyone on this stupid website, my god, someone sends me "hi keri! how is your day?" and my brain is like "oh hey look out, that person is pretending to be nice to you but they're actually trying to harm you!!" i will look at a group of online friends i've had for OVER a DECADE and that paranoid voice in the back of my head who worries from experience "oh cool this person is after me now. this person is out to betray me. this person wants to hurt me. it doesnt matter if we've been best friends since childhood, this person absolutely is out to get me now"

i hate everything i was put through these last 2 years and especially these last few months, one day im gonna spill my guts and tell everyone what has been happening to me bc its so goddamn unfair what ive been put through day after day, and i am sick of letting all of it fester in me without being able to tell anyone whats going on. i dont even know if its still ongoing rn bc every time i think "oh, maybe it's over" it just fires back up again. the stalking, the harassing, dude dont even get me started on the fucking stalking, do you know how fucking Not Normal these people are who have been trying to physically harm me irl and online? do you know how fucking psychotic someone has to be to spend YEARS of their life trying to make me miserable when i dont even know these ppl, im just fucking sitting here? the stupidest goddamn shit possible. i have never met these ppl in my life but they're following the orders of someone else and just. being fucking insane. if you knew what someone was putting me through, what a large group of toxic disgusting people have been putting me through these last 2 years, you wouldn't even fathom how dangerous it's been and how shitty it's been. ive had to call the police on a few of these people. you have no fucking clue what i've been going through and how exhausting it is to feel so unsafe every single second that you're alive. this shit eats at me constantly. i don't get any peace of mind. i think one day this really will kill me but at least i won't have to deal with it anymore if i'm dead. and!! i hate that i have that mindset! i hate that every time i drive to work, i hope beyond hope that a car is going to obliterate me. that isnt normal!! i should not be hoping to die!! but genuinely i dont think im ever going to be safe ever again and im so tired of dealing with this fear every single second every single day for years. years!!!! every second!!! every single second im awake i am fucking stressed out of my goddamn mind!!!!

months ago, i queued so much driver stuff for today, and i almost want to delete all of it bc its so. useless. dude i feel Nothing for my f/os. i feel unsafe with my f/os because i feel so unsafe with 99% of the people i interact with online because of all the horrible things ive been put through all this time. it's all pointless. i dont know if im ever really going to come back to blogging regularly. i just wake up, i go to work, i have panic attacks and i throw up, and then i go to sleep. sometimes i come here to vent and then refill my queue, but what is the point of refilling my queue anymore tbh. i keep trying to go through the motions to see if i can reclaim self shipping one day and then i can just bounce back, but god its been several months and ijust cant do it. i cant wait for this to kill me, ic ant wait for this to finally make me snap bc im so so sick of going through this every day. im tired

whatever ill delete this later and it wont even matter lol what else is new. keri makes another vent post about feeling depressed and unsafe. fork found in kitchen or whatever

[c0rpseductor]

have to explode about this somewhere or i simply will not make it

i am so fucking mad at my mom. i realize in isolation everything happening recently is totally innocuous and normal, it's just like. in context that it hurts.

i hate that she's sick with Probably Covid and asking me for a bunch of extra favors. i had to wash her a cup for water because she didn't feel good the other day, yesterday i had to do her laundry, today i had to cook for her. if this were like, between anybody else it would be fine. it's just like. agh

i feel so angry that she wants me to take care of her and i've ALWAYS taken care of her and i always feel like she just does not give a fuck about my most basic needs beyond "well, lestat's not dead!". it makes me feel ungrateful because i know she does nice stuff for me sometimes too, it's just like, it hurts when i always hide when i'm upset and barely ask her for anything even when i'm in such bad physical pain that i can't function. like most of the time if i'm too unwell to make something to eat i just go without food. i don't like asking her for things and i always feel like there's a limit to how often i can ask for her help, and that i have to be careful to mostly be a kind of pleasant background decoration that never imposes on her.

i always had to be her mom, ever since i was a kid. even when i was little she wasn't consistent and would berate me or get angry with me for just, like, being a kid and wanting or needing stuff. meanwhile i've always been like her little stuffed animal to talk to when she's sad. she always acted like she loves me so much and we're so close but mostly like i'm a possession of hers. i just like. i dont know. im so hung up on when she was drinking and high on coke and she said to me like, "oh id much rather just have a roommates relationship with you instead of being like mother and son." explains much about like, my Entire fucking childhood!

and then she takes credit for how i've turned out as if she raised me, like, i feel like not only did i raise myself but i'm raising her half the time trying to explain basic things about emotional regulation and hereditary mental issues and shit, being the first person she comes to for everything, always having to calm her down or support her when she's venting when i KNOW i can't rely on her in the same way or tell her any of the really challenging issues i have, like just. it's not fair. it's so tiring. materially i am very grateful that she is willing to let me stay with her and that she understands i'm disabled and can't work right now and tries to still help me live a comfortable life (and, cynically, i feel that she's kind of okay with me being in this kind of bad position as long as i don't leave), i know i'm lucky to have food and shelter and things like that.

i just like. man i don't know. i feel like i've been holding this back for days because i just fucking feel like it's so unfair that whenever mom feels bad i'm Favors Boy and i can be expected to do anything for her that she wants, but when i feel bad it's like, locking myself in the bathroom trying to cry quietly enough that she won't notice to clean off blood after cutting, or holing up in my room with a migraine and having to drag myself out of bed to use my Very Little Energy to make myself coffee or get water and then not being able to eat because im too tired to make myself anything substantial and god forbid i ask her, and then after i have my bad episode she's like Hey so i know you have a bad leg and stairs make it worse but i dont like taking out the trash so can that still be your job. it's not like the front steps are even THAT bad it's just like, ok, im so glad you thought about my limp. of course she wouldnt though it's literally her fault my leg is so fucked up and when i went to the hospital for it way back when and it didn't turn out to be a broken bone she was all like haha i told you so! and then laughed at me when i tripped and fell on my crutches coming home. she just does not give a fuck. but ohhhh lestat would you mind feeding me like a baby bird.....your poor old mother is so sick and feeble.....

[tamatama-kilo]

ok tma spoilers for like a lot of it but istg i need to rant to SOMEONE i need validation

ok so in s4 safe house fics or just jmart fics in general around like s3-5 why the actual hell is jon not as clingy like i get he's worried about being weird (along with literally 7000 other mental and physical and emotional and psychological issues) but this man has literally no connections period. sure, he technically has georgie, but FUCK does she not make him feel literally any better because of saying shit like "just stop doing this and it'll help" GEORGIE. I UNDERSTAND YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND BIG EYE IN SKY. BUT FUCK YOU. anyways jon has no one. not a single goddamn person who gives a shit about him.

well, except martin.

even when he was his ACTUAL SHITTIEST EVER, martin still somehow fuckin managed to make tea for this sopping wet cat of a man and care about him and be concerned even with the "i need to be good enough for him" bullshit which i could go on a whole other rant about THAT but i can do that later but it might be because of what i mentioned earlier, being scared of being vulnerable, being judged, stuff like that, but if i were jon? you bet your sorry ass i would be attempting worship that motherfucker

obviously i'm probably missing a bunch of details but i have so many thoughts happening in my head

CONTINUING ON FROM THIS so i mentioned how martin has this whole "i need to be good enough for him" mentality yeah right so i'm gonna talk about that because i love him and i need to FIX HIM

so we all know his mother is an absolute bitch and she deserves to get her skin flayed in front of her but essentially: she neglected him, held enormously high standards for a child she didn't even really care for, got sick and needed martin to drop out of school at FUCKING 15 and get 2 jobs to take care of her and she could not must up a single FUCKING thank you. and the whole thing with having no present father and all that but im not talkin about that right now

so when martin got moved to the archives he had someone new to impress, someone to get validation from, etc etc and because jonathan sims is the World's Shittiest Boss talks shit about martin ALL the time, is just a menace to him, and is super fucking mean to him calling him useless and dumb and i want to actually murder s1 jon how DARE you talk about my BOY LIKE THA-

anyways because jon is a similar-ISH person to please for his mom, martin has that constant sense of "how can i prove this" "how can i be better for him" "how can i be good enough" because he was so goddamn desperate for literally any validation from anyone and god that hurts me

i have so many thoughts

they all came from an old archived tumblr post basically analyzing jons past trauma up to the kidnapping in s3 and about the trauma from that and shortly afterwards and oh my god i genuinely think you cannot get someone more traumatized than that i mean jonny how the fuck

[the-realest-spot-conlon]

Them Brooklyn Boys Is Big Pt. 5

If you've read the whole series then this will look a lot like the other note to you all, I'm sleep deprived, and on the brink of insanity, don't hold sane me (if she is still in my brain somewhere) accountable for whatever shit I put these characters through

TW: probably violence and language but once again I write these before the actual story so if there isn't any violence or bad language than congratulations I have more brain cells than I originally thought

Please don't read on if you haven't read the rest of the series. Once it is done, I will make and entire post with the links and pin it to my page so you all can access every part even though I know not a lot will read these, I still want to make it easily accessible to you because somewhere deep down I still have a shred of human decency (I think?)

aaaanywho lets get to the story

the look on his boyfriends face hurt more than any wound Spot could ever undergo. the look of pure heartbreak. with a hint of pity. Spot hated pity.

"Race, I'm fine. Just untie these ropes," Spot said, and turning so Race could untie the ropes tightly binding Spot's wrists and ankles. Jack hopped down into the basement, his jaw dropping at the state of the two.

"Davey, Spot, what the hell happened?" Jack pressed, mortified at the sight of Spot beat to a pulp, and his own boyfriend with tape over his mouth. Jack walked over to Davey and gently pulled off the tape, before also releasing Davey from his own ropes.

"Let's get you two out of here," Jack said to the kidnapped.

"My pleasure," Davey said as he walked up the stairs first, followed by Jack, and lastly Spot with the help of his boyfriend, of course.

"We're free," Davey celebrated goofily as they made it out of the basement, only to find it was pitch black. "Wait how long were we in there?" Davey asked. For Davey it hadn't felt like long, but with Spot feeling blood dripping down his chest from his collarbone, it felt like a lifetime in that basement.

"Oh god, at least five hours," Jack said to Davey. "Spot, you're sleeping in Manhattan tonight," He added, but pointed towards Spot this time. Spot could barely stand on his own, so Race took the liberty of giving the shorter boy a piggy back ride.

Spot nodded, not even having the energy to protest. He felt like he had been awake for three days, despite it being only around 9 o'clock at night. He had been held down and beaten by more guys than even the King of Brooklyn could take on.

"I'm sorry my love," Race whispered to the boy on his back. He seemed to sense the growing fatigue radiating off of Spot.

Spot just nuzzled his head in Race's neck as they made their way to Manhattan.

----------

Once they finally made it to the Manhattan lodging house, it had to have been close to 11 o'clock, and all the Manhattan boys were luckily asleep. Race set Spot down on his own bed, before getting in bed himself. he was sure not to make any sudden movements as to not trigger Spot. He slowly put his arm over Spot's side, his other arm now being used as a pillow for Spot.

Race could barely stand to look at Spot without bursting into tears, he couldn't even imagine how Spot felt.

On the other side of the room full of beds, was Davey, who was supposed to be in his bed at his house where his parents were worried sick, but no way in hell would Jack let Davey go for at least seven more hours. Jack held the other boy in his arms until they both fell asleep, grateful to be back together again.

Davey and Spot had gone through one of the most stressful nights of their lives, and there was nothing Jack or Race could do but be there for them. It would take a long time for them to heal, mentally, and physically for Spot.

[sortyourlifeoutmate]

Alright so, there's a lot of little angles to this and they all sort of rush through my brain at once so let me try and lay them out in something like an order.

The Tories are in a bad place. We're all very happy about this. The Tories themselves, however, are reacting to their looming, inevitable defeat by basically frothing at the mouth and screaming. One the one hand you have them scrabbling for every attention-grabbing idea they can lay their hands on like how someone sliding towards a cliff might scrabble for something to stop them falling to their death.

Uh, Angela Rayner did, uh, a thing! Uh, Rwanda! Yeah! Immigrant on a plane to Rwanda! Uh, fuck, uh, benefits! Sick note Britain, yeah! One of these has to got work, right? Right?! Please God one of these has to work!

So that's happening. And alongside that, you have the internal conflict of which of them gets to be King Rat of the Sinking Ship. You know, the dregs of the dregs racing to slit one another's throat to be the one in charge.

Speaking of which, Penny Mordaunt.

Basically, what set me off was an interview she has apparently done wherein which she said the UK simply must invest the Iron Dome system or something of nature of ward off attacks like the one what Iran did against Israel. And, like...

Okay.

Here's an actual pull quote:

She told The Sunday Telegraph: “To those that say about our defence ambitions ‘we can’t do, shouldn’t do or can’t afford to do’, I say ‘look to Israel’ – a nation a fraction of our size, that has staved off an attack from a nation 10 times its size.

One. Israel is much smaller then the UK. Like, much smaller. The area they have to possibly defend is smaller and, also, more concentrated. The economics involved in scaling up a system like Iron Dome to defend the whole of the UK blows my mind - especially as it's a system designed to counteract a specific security threat we don't have!

But we'll get to that.

Two, it doesn't really fucking matter that Iran is bigger than Israel, does it? They weren't invading, they were firing a lot of drones and shit. Iran may be physically bigger and more populous than Israel but Israel's military budget (and level of development, and investment) kicks the shit out of Iran's. So who gives a fuck if Iran is bigger when that wasn't even a factor?

Three, not to do down Israel's military prowess (not for nothing do people buy their shit) but having heaps of military assets from heaps of allies (including us!) in the area to provide support probably didn't fucking hurt and, in fact, explicitly helped because it's been stated that it helped!

And look, fuck...

It's a nothingburger, I'm aware. She's just taking the current issue of "Oh the world is a dangerous place and we need to defend our citizens rahrah!" that is seen as important here and the "Oh look, Iran attacked Israel!" and mashing them together, but it's such an incoherent, stupid position it hurts my brain.

Who. Who would be attacking us Penny? Were they be attacking us from? Iran is not that far from Israel in the scheme of things. Who do we have nearby who would do this to us, Penny? We make jokes about Europe and the Irish but those jokes aren't going to translate into actual drone attacks, Penny. What the fuck are you talking about, Penny? Do you have something in mind?

Maybe we could use the money that might go into your batshit insane useless fucking waste of an idea and, I don't know, get some dentists?

Seriously, where would a massive drone and missiles attack on the UK come from? I know we live in the future but not that far in the future.

And she's not the only one!

Admiral Lord West, the former First Sea Lord, said: “The bottom line is that if we had 300 missiles fired at us, we wouldn’t be able to repel them in the way that Israel did, albeit with help from the US, the Jordanians and so on. We have nothing like the Iron Dome and I think there is a need for us to ensure we have that.”

What in the fuck are you talking about.

You know when it snowed a few years back and all the flights got cancelled and people were like "Well in Finland this never happens" and it was like, yeah, because this happens all the time so they plan around it. Israel has the Iron Dome for very specific reasons. Is Israel prepared for a volcano erupting? No? Because that's not a concern and so why would they fucking waste their time and money on it? Oh, fancy that!

Argh! What is wrong with you people?!

The things you're saying are stupid! The situations you're conjuring up are stupid! Or am I just losing my mind?!

I'm so tired!

Why can't you people just lose and go away already?!

[lotus-pear]

GOD I LOVE KNKDZ SM I wanna hold them and treasure them like literally they could be so precious they have so much potential and ik we have to wait a few more months but I'm sooo fuckin excited to see if they have a reunion if they don't I'll probs cry from stress or smth like even if someone doesn't ship it they're partners istg they are soo important and I hope we can see more of them in action cuz kunikida has been crying (canon) from stress and trying to bring shit together, like he was really working on gathering the members together again and like poor bby I feel so bad he needs a warm hug, also I feel like getting your hands cut off and your ideals crumbling in front of you was traumatic like he's ok now physically but I feel so bad and dazai is being fucking shot and falling of an elevator while defeating fyodor and walking it all of like ??? I need a sick fic with knkdz and the ada in general he deserves that and I hope so fucking sooo FUCKING much that they get a fuckin reunion like this is all I can talk and think abt now I keep repeating myself, I hope atsushi, dazai and kunikida get one bc I miss their trio so idk what is happening now that s5 is over and the Manga is catching up in a few months bc we saw that they're fighting again like oh fuck ngl I hope dazai gets hurt more so more sickfics or maybe Canon sickfics like in it actually fucking happens in the series but whatever in the end I want the ada to be safe again and destress a little bc oh my god this was their biggest fucking mission in their life and its been going on practically since the guild but whatever I have so so so so so so high hopes for the future and the rise of knkdz (I also ship skk but knkdz is my no. 1 and need way more of them) I hope knkdz will rise and conquer we have to get our fucking game up us knkdz advocates we have a DUTY anyways love ya ur so hot for that knkdz vs skk rant its fucking unfair pls pls pls pls post more knkdz I'm going feral its my last will to live I will kms if the Manga doesn't have them I will defenestrate asagiri I will find him trust me I fucking will anyways anywho anyfuckingway thank you for being a part of the knkdz cult we can soo win we just have to wait for asagiri and like OMG I just had SUCH a dopamine rush like I practically almost jumped bc IM SO EXCITED to see them YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH PLS PLS PLS ASAGIRI PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME I CAN HEAR THEM I CANNN HEAAAAAR THEM PLS PLS PLS DONT PUNISH ME I WANT MORE KNKDZ I WILL FUCKING COMBUST anyways ur so cool and ur art is fuckin awesome have a great day and new year hopefully full with happiness, success, change, and kunikidazai

REAL OMFG‼️‼️ bitches forget that kunikida has been partnered with dazai for two entire years, only one less year than dazai’s partnership w chuuya (before ur like noooo it was seven!!!!! that doesn’t count. chuuya and dazai met at fifteen and didn’t even get partnered that year. it was only during the events of stormbringer when mori realized the only counter to chuuyas corruption was dazai’s ability and he made them go on missions together like they did during the arahabaki incident and they became known as double black. dazai left the mafia when he was eighteen due to oda’s death)

anyway knkdz have also had to trust each other with their lives time and time again and kunikida values this trust more than anything, always relying on dazai even if dazai pisses him the fuck off. dazai says himself that the ada is home to him when talking abt it to sigma, AND WHAT IS HOME BUT A PLACE FILLED WITH HAPPINESS AND THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE DEARLY AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT

[shebeafancyflapjack]

Missing You

A mini-continuation of my fic The Next Layer for @idiotwithanipad where her OC Amy moves on, as well as her follow ups Beyond The Water. Ft. my oc Silver.

-

"Earth, water, fire and smoke, Persephone, I invoke." The nineteen year old ghost hisses as she rocks back and forth before the fireplace; "Earth, water, fire and smoke, Persephone, I invoke. Earth, water, fire and smoke-."

"Uhh...Moonah Girl?"

Silver ignores him. Can't lose focus. Have to concentrate. Extra important that she visualises her sacred space when she lacks actual physical tools for a ritual. All she has is the fire, crackling away in the hearth of the reception, appreciated by only a handful of hotel guests chatting in the armchairs, completely oblivious to the hysterical teen kneeling by the grate, or the caveman crouching behind her.

Throwing a worrisome look to his friends, most of them huddled in the doorway after having summoned him, as their own attempts to reach out to Silver proved fruitless, Robin waves at them all to leave him to it. She doesn't need Fanny, Cap, Thomas and Pat all gawping at her as if they're afraid she's about to summon a demon.

Or perhaps she is, for all he knows.

"What Moonah Girl do?" He asks, gently.

Silver bites her lip, repeating her mantra once more before responding, impatiently.

"What's it look like? I'm invoking Persephone." She answered, her eyes rather bloodshot, which was odd considering she'd only woken up from her month long coma several hours ago.

Robin nodded; "Oh. Who that?"

"Fu...Do none of you fucking listen to me?! She's the Queen of the Underworld, Goddess of the Dead!"

"Ah. Right. Her." He says, clearly placating her.

"If anyone can connect me to the next layer then it's her."

The caveman blinked; "Next layer?"

"That's what Kitty calls it, yes? Mary called it the Land of Suckings Off. Kitty's is easier." Silver stares into the flames and tries to imagine a doorway. Or, at the very least, a window.

That's all she wants. Is it so much to ask? Just to be able to see. To speak. Shit, she'll settle for just seeing her friend raise her middle finger at her.

"Earth, water, fire and smoke, Persephone, I invoke." The Pagan's head began to pound with the strain she was putting herself under.

"How long you plan to try this?" Asked Robin.

"As long as it takes!" She hisses back, throwing off his attempts to touch her shoulder.

Can't have any distractions. Can't lose focus.

The gods hate their invocations being interrupted.

"Sil'ver," Robin begins, sitting cross legged beside her; "You no think I try this? Many time over many years? I call out to Moonah to let me see friends and family?"

"Well maybe you weren't trying hard enough."

He winces at that. In the corner of her eye, she notices, and she feels sick with guilt for having wounded him. But her faith is all she has to cling to now.

The last time she prayed to the gods, truly reached out to them, they answered. Yes, she died, but after that she got what she'd always wanted. Friends. A family. A mum who loved her, for a couple of precious decades. Finally, she was part of something, and even when the one she loved most dear had left her, someone new came along within a few years who lit up the spark inside her again.

And now, after only a handful of years, she was gone too.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair.

Robin doesn't abandon her for her hurtful comment. He should do. He deserves better.

Amy deserved better....

"Stompy loss still hurt you, yes?"

"Of course it fucking hurts! None of you can understand! You're all pretty much over it now, aren't you?! It's been what, two months? Do you know how long ago it was for me?!"

"Can do math-."

"Two sleeps! It's not even been a week for me! A week since I lost my best friend!" Silver faces him, reddened eyes streaming with angry tears, making her eyeliner run in black lines down her cheeks. "So yeah, genius, it does still hurt!"

Every time she was pulled into her damed cursed sleep, she hoped that her dreams would bring her some relief. That a month of resting her grieving brain would have her waking feeling refreshed and at peace. No such luck. Instead, when she opened her eyes, she woke to a brief sense of bliss only for it to be snuffed out by the sudden memory of who had gone.

Even Kitty's optimism was too much for her. The Georgian missed their friend too, but she'd had these two months to mourn. The wound was still open and raw for Silver.

"We not all got over it." Robin tried to tell her.

"Oh whatever, I see you all, it's all back to normal! Back to your clubs and games, like she never fucking existed!"

"What you prefer? We cry and scream and call out to Percy Phone?"

"Persephone, and no, I don't give a fuck what you do but do but do you have to be so....so...Normal?!"

She wasn't ready for normal yet. She wasn't ready to accept there was a Button House where she wouldn't walk into the living room and not see Amy sat holding Humphrey's head on her lap. Or not giggle at the sight of her hiding in the corner watching an unsuspecting Julian, waiting for the perfect moment to jump out at him.

Silver never sleeps during her cycle. The one night owl she had who would stay up with her to at least 4 if not 5am each morning was her Monster chugging cohort. They would roam the halls or the land outside chatting about alternate bands and horror movies, sometimes peeking in on rooms to see if any of the guests were watching one.

She hates wandering at night alone now. She hates not having someone similar to her style to chat shit with. She misses watching her swear at Cap and Fanny. She misses...her.

When Robin lays his hand on her back this time, she doesn't shove him off.

Her focus is gone. No window is going to form. No doorway. Not even an old school AOL chat room.

Persephone isn't giving a fuck.

Silver let's out a sob and curls forward, Robin rubbing circles between her shoulders.

"There one other same as you, you know. Other ghost who still in pain." He tells her, "Moonah Girl should talk to him."

The Pagan sniffs and rubs her nose; "I...I can't...He doesn't wanna see me."

"He tell you that?"

"No, but...." Why would he want to speak to her? He barely left their....His room.

Fuck.

"Try. Grief share, grief half, yes?"

"I can't compare what I'm feeling to him, can I? He lost his daughter! I...We were just friends..."

"Nothing 'just' 'bout friends. Me cry for many friends gone, same tears as for children."

Silver wrapped her arms around her middle. It still felt wrong to intrude on Humphrey with her own loss, no matter if it was for the same person.

For years she'd been one of the people who had neglected to check in on Humphrey, same as the others. Amy always gave them Hell for it. Not her. She should have, Silver had been as bad as them, even if it had never been intentional.

"Just try. For me. Please, Moonah Girl. Then after, promise we try calling Percy Phone again together. Deal?"

-

With a weight in her chest, Mary watched her darling girl pick herself up from the fireplace and drag her feet towards the stairs.

It hadn't been this painful to look through the magic mirror since her own suckings off. Silver had been asleep for that and Mary had checked in at first only to watch her peaceful slumbers on her bed. Blissfully unaware. That was until she woke, and watching her eventually break down in Robin's arms had broke Mary heart in twain.

That had been a struggle for her little'en to get over. But Alison had helped, as well as Robin and a few of the others. There was no Alison this time, and while Robin was doing his best, bless him, he could only do so much to comfort her.

Mary caresses the water with her fingertip as the image closed in on Silver's tired, dejected face, as she made her way up the stairs. If only her darling girl knew how close she was at this moment, practically stroking her cheek.

"Be strong, my sweetling. Yous can handle this. And we shall all bes together before we knows it." She knows the girl can't hear her, but she speaks all the same.

Even if just the faintest whisper crosses the veil to reach her ears. Just in case.

With a spring of pride, she watches her approach the door of the bedroom where young Amy had met her demise.

Where was the girl now? She had gone off after the posh ladyship who had vexed her so. Annie had gone to check if she was as good as can be. They both just wish they knew a way to lighten the child's spirits, to get her to want to enjoy the pleasures this blessed land has to offer.

But Mary knows how hard it be to appreciate heaven when the ones you love are left behind.

She watches Silver hesitate before the door.

"Go on, little'en. You gots this. Amy will be most thankfuls of it." Mary encouraged.

Silver called out; "Knock knock?"

Mary's hands flew up to cover her mouth. Did her darling girl hear her? In the deep layers of her head?

She glances up at the sound of a soft whimper.

"Oh. Yous come back to look in on your Mistress again?" She asks the black labradoodle with a red beard sat further up the bank.

The dog whines, settling down on her front and nosing the water. Mary often sees the poor hound come visit, seeming to know when she herself is looking in on Silver. Shuffling along, Mary reaches out to scratch the faithful mutt behind the ears. The dog that her little'en called Jess gives the laziest thump of her tail in thanks.

It did little to truly raise her spirits though, neither did infinite squirrels to chase and biscuits to munch on. She just wanted her Mistress.

"Yous a good pup." Mary praised, sharing her longing to be reunited with their Silver.

-

"Come in."

Humphrey sounds less robotic than the last time she heard him speak. Still tired, a little grouchy.

"Sorry. Did I wake you?" She asks, nervously.

"Oh, no, no sweetheart." He softens his tone for her as she enters; "Was just lost in my own world there. Everything all right?"

"Nope. Shit. You?"

Humphrey managed to give the teen a weak but coy smile; "Ditto."

Silver rubbed at the bare skin on her arm, looking awkward as she stood before the little head-chair Alison had made for Humphrey at Amy's request.

"You, uh, wanna sit down?" He asked.

"'Kay." She did so. On the floor.

"You can sit on the bed, Silver, love. It's not contaminated."

The Pagan shrugged; "Feels wrong. Like...disrespectful..."

She glanced up at the door where the ICP poster still hung, smiling at her almost mockingly. It had never creeped her out before this moment.

"You don't happen to know where He is, do ya?" No prizes for guessing who he meant.

She shook her head; "No. Do you want me to find him?"

"Don't worry. Last I heard, he was stomping around the golf course, throwing his arms about and trying to rip his...my clothes, making a right spectacle! Probably best to give him space."

Yes, the last time Silver had caught sight of Humphrey's body roaming around, it had seemed somewhat...distressed. As much as a person can be without the ability to scream or cry.

Fuck. If it was doing that then...was that what Humphrey wanted to do? Just go on a grief sticken rampage? Instead he was stuck indoors. Immobile.

"I...I'm sorry I haven't come to check on you." Silver muttered.

"Oh? Well it's hardly your fault, love, you were sleeping, I presumed. And rest of the time, you've been dealing with....Well. Same as me, I suppose."

Did he have to be so understanding? It sounded somewhat rehearsed. Held back.

"I...I've just been feeling so...guilty." She confessed, ironically feeling as though she was in a Catholic booth.

"Eh? What you got to feel guilty for?" Humphrey asked; "Weren't nothing we could have done to stop it if we were there to see her go. Robin's made that clear to me."

"It's not just that. I wasn't a good friend."

"Oh come off it-."

"I was barely here! All I do is fucking sleep! There were so many moments she'd tell me about when I woke up, when she'd suffered with her HS, or someone had said something to make her feel shitty. And where the fuck was I?! Asleep!"

"That ain't your fault. Amy knew that. You think she resented you or something, for being cursed?"

"I wouldn't blame her." Silver bit her lip; "I've never been good at making friends, much less keeping one. Best one I had when I was alive was my dog. Hahahaha. And I let her down too! She died waiting for me to come home and I never did!"

Tears flow down her cheeks as she crumbles forward.

"Oi, come on now. Last thing Amy would want is you beating yourself up like this. You know what she'd say, right?"

Silver took a moment, then sniffed. She rubbed at her eyes.

"Stop talking like a fucking idiot, Silv."

"Exactly. Perhaps a couple more swear words." Humphrey managed a smile.

Blaming herself was so easy. If this grief was a punishment then at least it made some sort of sense. If not then the Universe was just random and cruel.

She pushed herself up and dared to sit on the bed.

"....S'funny. I never tasted one of those Monster drinks. But I feel like I can smell it now." She smiled, fiddling with the hem of her skirt.

"Hmm. I just picture a split mango covered in sugar."

They both let out a laugh, along with shedding more tears.

"Can I...D-do you mind if I...?" Silver hesitated.

She reached her arms out in a needy gesture towards Humphrey.

He blinked, then smiled warmly; "'Course not, love. Just not too tight, please, main reason I wanted some alone time here was because Kitty's been crushing me against her corset too many times lately."

"Well I ain't got a corset." Silver smiled, before reaching out to lift Humphrey out of his chair.

She sat against the headboard and hugged him lightly to her abdomen, fingers stroking through his hair.

"Wow. I can see why Amy liked this. Your hairs so soft!" She complimented.

"L'Oréal. Even I'm worth it."

That made Silver laugh. Her first one since before Amy left their little family. The realisation sent another wave of loss through her and she hugged Humphrey a little tighter.

"...I keep trying to reach out to her. Not just her but Mary too." Silver began to sob; "I really am trying, Humphrey."

"Well...I dunno for sure if you'll have any luck. But if it makes you feel better to try, go for it. If anyone can get through to the other side, it's our own Good Witch, right?"

She smiled at that. The fact that he didn't cast her off as crazy or desperate like the others, even Robin, made her feel a little better.

What good was being a witch if she couldn't use magic to talk to those she loved?

"Just don't go tormenting yourself. Neither Mary or Amy would want you getting sick." He tells her; "Neither would I, all right?"

Silver nods.

Fine.

"You wanna do me a favour, Silv?" Humphrey prompted.

"Yeah, sure. Anything."

"Good. Lay your head down. Have a nap or...as close as you can get. Your eyes look as red as the hole in my neck." He tells her, with almost a strict, paternal tone.

Silver shuffled, awkwardly; "I can go rest in the Suite if you-."

"You can stay. I...I think it's better neither of us is alone. Misery loves company and all that."

True. Silver settled herself down and rested on her side. She wouldn't be able to sleep but...she does need to rest her eyes. Just for a few moments.

One of her hands idily strokes the Tudor's head as he lays beside her, also closing his eyes.

"Humphrey." She whispered.

"Yes, love?"

"....Did I ever tell you she once referred to you as Dad to me?"

"I....What?"

Silver grinned; "It just slipped out. She was blushing redder than a strawberry when she realised. She made me promise not to say a word."

"...So you just broke that promise now?"

"Yep. That way if Ames has a problem with it, she can punch through whatever wall is between us and the next layer, and swear like a sailor to my face."

That made Humphrey chuckle.

"Let's hope so, kiddo. Let's hope."

[via-rant]

My favorite Snapcube moments (pt. 1)

"It seems you have come to a standstill in Tarzans Forest! You have 13 seconds before the island fucking explodes you Hot Topic wanna be and you blue Gumball son of a bitch! You have done nothing but destroy my life, I hope you both die!"

"Hot Topic?!"

"No, my secret!"

-------------------

"He's faster than Sonic. He's faster than Sonic. What?"

-------------

"Why you got hot sauce on your head cuz? What's wrong?"

---------------

"I pissed on your wife Robotnick, she's mine now."

"What the actual shit?! What-"

----------

"Shut the fuck up!! SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Everybody's fucked my wife!!"

"yeah.... But we can fix it I promise. Just join us."

"No! I'm divorcing her ass! I'm throwing your ass in the garbage! I'm throwing all your asses in the garbage! I'm taking your CD's and weed!!"

-----------

"All around me are familiar Eggmans. Warn out Eggmans. Warn out Eggmaaaaans. When - I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN?!?! Oooooh my Goooood."

-----------

"I'm so sick! My-"

"I'm so sick of fucking your wife! She's a tired old hag!! ...... Wait.... Where am I?"

---------

"Are you my mom?"

"No, what... the fuck?"

---------

"I'm calling the police. 911."

"I am the police!"

-----------

"Haha ha, 1."

----------------

"Guess what Elise?"

"What?"

"I can never die."

-----------

"Please God take me."

--------

"How many times are you gonna run? I've captured you 17 different times."

"I feel like it's gonna be at least 18."

(Looooooong silence)

"The caucasity of this bitch."

---------

"I just love bringing up my favorite game and go to tilted towers - I don't actually play Fornite I don't know any other places."

-------

"I'm not a gamer so..... Maybe they'll respect me."

"That just makes you a Beta Cuck."

------

"Oh... Oh God! Someone help meeeeee!!"

"That looked like it hurt, right Blaze?"

"B.... Blaze?"

"I didn't see it."

--------

"What's weed?"

"God, you can tell you're white."

--------

"Anyway. I'm gonna break into - WOAH!!"

-------

"Egg poopy poopy butt!"

"Don't you ever fucking call me that again, I'll kill you!"

----------

"Have you actually ever interacted with a woman in your life Mephalis?"

-------

"My name is Mmmmemphis Tennessee. Nice to - (Some Japanese I don't know) as they say in Nepal(?)."

"Nephiles! I should've guessed."

------

"Let me get a good smell of you boy."

------

"There's so much physical, rendered blood!"

------

"Oh no. I'm havin' a flashback."

---------

"Why won't anyone answer me?!"

"What happened to the voice I was doing before? Is this an inner dialogue? It seems I have fallen off a path. (Weird ass noise.)"

--------

"That's fucked up right?"

[matthewmoorwood]

On the last hundred pages of Ship Of Destiny FUCKING FUCK

I'm going so insane over how Kennit ALMOST became an average citizen and then he went fucking full nutter butters and now no one believes Althea was raped. FREE ME FROM THIS TORMENT RAAAAH

Same with Wintrow like I FUCKING THOUGHT for a moment that these male characters might not be utter shitheads but noooooooooo RAAAAH. Despising everything about Wintrow wanting to suck on his faux step mums tits and be an alpha male cause of his horrific inability to have an identity outside of parental figures. DAYUM.

I don't think I'll ever really get over Paragon either. the Paragon & Amber dynamic is something very precious to me.

Not a single of of Robin Hobbs characters are ever what I think they are, or even who they think they are. Yet they all act perfectly in line with their characters and what we know of them. Freaking out.

If I'm reading a Robin Hobb book and a male pov doesn't make me physically nauseous, am I even reading a Robin Hobb book? No.

Thinking about Malta, thinking about the Malta and Vivacia/Bolt parallels, thinking about how both of them are forced to give up their souls for men so that they might have a chance at freedom because the alternative is to die by those same men's brutality. Oh I am ILL

"There were, she suddenly saw, many ways to be raped." Oh I am ILL

The way Wintrow only sees Malta as her place as a Bingtown Trader and as a woman as a 'good negotiator' and sees nothing of the fucking eons of abuse she's endured. FOUL.

They're all trauma dumping to each other in the hold as Jamilla ships fuck around these guys.

I hate everyone who sees that they have power and wrangles it just for pleasure of causing harm and gaining a scrap more control at the cost of someone else's existence.

Plz i'm going to shit out my lungs. Malta who has endured so fucking much, is so terrified of having Reyn see her because he is her last hope to be loved by someone outside of the vesrit family. She's already been hurt so badly by men and had for years valued herself entirely on her usefulness as a 'pretty woman' and now here she is. Her very survival has devalued her own perception of herself to the one person she thinks can truly understand her.

Begging on hands and knees that Kennit doesn't keep the cycle of abuse going. PLEASE allow someone some peace from him.

Both Reyn and Malta have put so much weight on how they look. And both are terrified that the other will put even a quarter of that same weight on them. I'm not okaaaay about this. plz.

Alrighty I just want a dragon to come and fuck shit up. Serpent, liveship, whatever form just need some unbridled rage bc I am FEELING shrimp emotions.

Hmmm... The ghosts of Kennits past coming to kill him... Hmmm... The fact that trying to repress those memories is what caused all of this... hmm... All the people he tried to bury in order to allow his own ignorance coming together to exist in their own narrative... I am thinking.....

Hold on im losing it. Hold on im going insane. Malta kissing Reyn properly and he wakes up?? true loves kiss type shit because in the end Malta and Reyn are still a fairytale despite the shit they've been through.

"If you'll have me as I am." SHUT UP RIGHT NOW

Fucking fuck. Althea being scared to talk to Brashen about her rape because in the end he is still a man and Althea knows that on some level Brashen will always view her as a possession.

Y'know what. Kennit being killed (hopefully permanently) by someone who does not give a single Fuck about him is so good. His whole life he wanted to be something other than what he was, be respected and recognized and yet he dies at the hand of someone who thinks of him as nothing other than a shitty pirate.

Ugh. He's not dead.

Oh man. Oh dude. Paragon. Fucking fuck. ing fuck. ouch.

I am hurtinedg :C

Robin Hobb why

I actually swear to God if Kennit is still able to torment Paragon via the memories thing I'm gonna scream.

OH IM SICK.

Vivacia who is not vivacia letting go of Althea despite everything. Aughr fuck. How this means that both of them are going to begin to have their own sense of self outside of their co-dependence. awrg,

Oh for fucks sake. If Kennit in Paragon is still trying to touch Althea I'm going to bite through my desk.

Althea oh my darling. She doesn't want to hurt Kennits mum over her own anger at how Kennit abused her. I am ill.

"Neither woman could escape what he had done to them" Oh I am sick.

"We've got to survive this, I've a life to live." SOBBING

Oh thank god Kyle is dead now too. YIPPEE

I have too many feelings I fear I must throw up to process them properly.

Either that or have some cheese.

My brain is too mushy for these negotiations I'm just gonna trust that things work out (they won't)

JEK queen go get laid I respect it.

Amber, my sweet Lady Amber :C

Raise your hand if you too are tired of the Althea/Brashen miscommunication GUYS I KNOW YOU'RE STRAIGHT BUT PLEASE JUST FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER

Awug Serilla.

I am feeling things.

Amber plz. my soul cannot take you refrencing fitz any longer

Oh lol Paragon showing them where evil mc fuckface left all his sick pirate loot.

Oh my fucking god I hate this got dam book fucking fuck,

:C

Amber I really hope you get your happy ending. Or a least a happy moment before the ending.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

Paragon.

Althea.

I am a broken husk of a person.

No one speak to me until I have drunk this hot choccy.

[weebsinstash]

Why did I... Why did I kinda sorta imagine Erasermic the entire time with that one Emperor x Empress Reader x Male Concubine concept. Like. Aizawa as the Emperor and Hizashi as the concubine? Oomph.

Ok so this is definitely not the response you were looking for but when I was reading that Professor Venomous fic the other day WHICH SIDENOTE IS NOW LIVING IN MY HEAD RENT FREE BY THE WAY

(If you've never heard this man's voice before let me assure you yes the creators ARE trying to make you horny on purpose)

Anyways I was reading that fic and it reminded me how I would watch OK KO and I would think of a sort of reader insert character whatever always kind of popping in and out and sarcastically teasing people or making smart ass remarks towards Venomous and Boxman while they try and fail at villainy and go about their goofy antics and such and I suddenly had that epiphany of "oh wait isn't that just kind of the dynamic i liked about Erasermic, one of them is goofy and weird and the hot one is dark haired and more composed and all growly and shit" because I mean

like am I having a stroke or do they not have similar energy, like for the love of God BOXMAN AND VENOMOUS LITERALLY GET FUCKING MARRIED (seriously go watch OK KO its actually good though) and also they're both canon bi/pan btw, but like. Is this just the point in my life where I'm being horny for goofy ass weird men or moving towards a phase where I'm more attracted to narrative potential other than outright physical appearance at least in terms of writing things 👀 who knows

That being said I've been thinking of that concubine and emperor x reader idea and idk who I would use in terms of if I substituted characters, it might be fun to go more original, idk.

I thought of this idea of like, what sort of events could be that stereotypical "i didn't even fucking do anything and you're blaming me" and I thought of like, if the male concubine is so incredibly clingy and dying for reader's approval, imagine she catches him like bullying/horribly punishing a servant for a dumb reason and chews him out for him and has him escorted out of her palace and shuts the gates, and he just waits kneeling and calling out for her begging to be let back in, and Reader just completely ignores him because if she can't outright pubish him as the beloved concubine she can at least remove him from her little manor so he won't hurt her servants. And I imagine she tells the guards and other workers to completely ignore him because SURELY he'll eventually leave, right?

Except it starts pouring rain and you get a bad feeling and you rush outside and HE'S STILL THERE, ALL THESE HOURS LATER, SOAKING WET AND SHIVERING. So now fuck, you have to bring him in, and the whole time he's like "I knew you would come for me" and like little pathetic simping shit that makes it obvious he doesn't care about the punishment if he even realized it was one at all and he's just all but purring you pulled him out of the rain because, oh poor thing can't you see he is just cold and shivering? 🥺 is he one of those psychos who would hurt himself for your attention? Maybe, actually, if it works 😩 but of course the stupid little twunk is sick now with a horrible fever and of course who else but the Emperor is showing up "you had him kneel out in the cold until he fell ill? How heartless are you?" When it's like NO HE'S THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO STAY OUT THERE and I imagine the Emperor gives some sort of punishment like "well if you want to be left alone so badly then I suppose you won't need to leave your palace or receive guests for the rest of the season"

Reader has her hands full with all these conniving obsessive little shits 😩

[the-white-soul]

*Flowey enjoys his ice cream with the others, looking into the distance where Layer and Merg ran off.*

So Merg can’t be hurt or murdered at all? Or were they just bluffing? I feel like it was a bluff because then Merg wouldn’t have felt intimidated enough to run away. We should see if we can really hurt them next time!

Seriously though, don’t they get to you with what they say? Clover… Merg… anyone else who talks to us like that… I’ve tried to manipulate people’s minds like that too. But that doesn’t mean I’m desensitized from when I’m the flower on their sword’s end. You seemed pretty upset, so I figure it’s the same with you. *He bites the inside of his cheek and turns away so he can make a partial lie.* Not that I’m actually concerned… but you’re doing okay, right?

(Kara) "If you're going to tell a lie so obviously fake don't bother making it in the first place. I am a teenager, I'm never okay. But to the average teen yeah I'm fine. Although they are bluffing a bit. Merg can technically not get physically harmed, but if he dies in game he can never play Undertale AU's ever again. So yeah he's much more scared then he's letting on."

*Layer shows up hiding their tears with their hair but it almost doesn't matter.*

(Kara) "Oh my gosh what happened to you. Do you need some Ice Cream too? Hey can you give them a umm what do you like?"

(Layer) "A chocolate soft serve. *They think Might as well enjoy this last moment with them.*"

*They buy the ice cream and Layer eats it like they're at Jesus's table in the last supper. Every bite is as important as the last savoring every bite and enjoying it more than even Chara would.*

(Kara looks at them when there finished) "Oh my even I could tell you enjoyed that. So what happened?"

*Layer's hand is shaking with such force, they know their's one way to solve the undergrounds problems for a while but they've never killed an Undertale character let alone one who personally befriended them.*

(Layer) "You know that I do things for good reasons most of the time right? Well I am the player who came to stop others. To be honest sometimes even I question my morals. I mean look at myself I'm talking to lines of code all my life. If I were anyone else I'd be sick in the head. But no. It's me, Layer."

*Layer says this and realizes acting insane might calm them down so...*

(Layer) "You and I are a bunch of freaks!!! We go around destroying others fun for our own personal gain! Holy shit it feels good to yell! *Looks at Noelle who is crying* Oh the poor little princess, what do you need? Someone to actually care about you for more than your power and your looks? Everyone like that is dead!!! BY YOUR HANDS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! And Flowey, the predictable little flower. You and I both know that your middle name might as well be hypocrite, Jesus fucking Christ!!! You complain all the times about people doing the wrong things well guess what you forced people to be tortured hundreds of times because you were freaking bored. Here's a tip, if it's boring JUST CONTINUE THE GOD DAMN FUCKING STORY!!!"

*Layer now feeling better takes out there sword and challenges Kara*

(Layer) "FOR THE UNDERGROUND!!!"

[what-are-wordsss]

tw sh/suicidal thoughts

Scott Pilgrim goes through it ;3

Lately, Scott's habits have been… getting worse. He'd always hit his head for as long as he'd remembered. Frustrated? He'd hit his head. Sad? He'd hit his head. Any emotion? He'd hit his head. It wasn't a secret he did it but Wallace and everyone had given up trying to break him of it. It didn't seem harmful to anyone.

But lately it has been getting worse. He was leaving bruises on his head and face, not even realizing at the time how hard he was hitting himself.

It all came to a head one night.

Wallace wasn't home and Ramona was busy with Julie. He was alone and that didn't fair to be good for him. Being home meant being alone. Being alone meant being in his own head and for Scott, that wasn't good. He was sitting in the corner of his and Wallace's bed, head in his hands. His thoughts were overwhelming and he couldn't take it. He couldn't stop thinking about how horrible he felt, how much he just wanted things to end. He was sick of things always being like this when he was alone. He was so tired.

His fists slammed into his forehead and he cried out, wether from the physical or emotional pain he wasn't sure. It worked for a solid two seconds, silencing his head. But it didn't work forever. He tried harder, the thud of his hands echoing out loud. His vision swam, dark spots flooding the edges of his vision. But it didn't feel enough. He growled and one last time, swung his hands into his face, this time many times in a flurry of fists. There was a sickening crunch and the smell of blood invaded his nose before he had the chance to realize what happened. He slumped against the wall, stunned from his own actions. The vision in his left was blurred and suddenly went black and confused, he reached up and rubbed it. He pulled his hand away from the sticky wet sensation and frowned deeper at the sight of blood.

He stared for maybe a good few minutes before realizing what he did. Oh God, oh God, what did he do, what did he do- With a desperate noise he scrambled for the phone. Moving made him dizzy but he pursued, punching in a number he knew from heart. He whimpered as he pulled the phone into his lap.

It rang. And rang and rang and rang until it went to voicemail. He tried again and a third time. On his fourth try, the annoyed voice of Wallace answered the phone. “Scott, you know I'm on a date. What do you want?” He sighed

Scott groaned, pain making itself know. “W-Wallace. Wallace I did something and I'm scared.”

There was a shuffling sound on the other end of the line and a sushiing noise. The frown was evident on his voice when he answered, “Scott? What do you mean guy? What happened?”

“I don't know.” He whimpered again. “There's- There's blood and I'm dizzy and Im scared. Wallace, please.”

“Shit man. I'm on my way. Stay awake, okay? Do you need me to stay on the phone with you?” More shuffling and cursing and the sound of keys.

Scott nodded.

“Scott? Answer me, man.”

“Please.”

“Okay. Okay, um. Tell me about Pac-Man or Sonic.” Wallace suggested. The sound of a vehicle starting was heard.

“I can't. I can't Wallace, I don't know. I'm scared, I can't.” He sounded like he was beginning to hyperventilate.

“Breathe, guy. It'll be okay.” Wallace tried to reassure. “You said there's blood? I need you to try to find where it's coming from, okay? And I need you to grab a towel from the bathroom and hold it there.”

Scott nodded again. He set the phone down and shakily stood up. He stumbled to the bathroom and grabbed a towel to stick on his head. He sat back down on the bed, avoiding the blood he got in it. Head wounds bleed a lot he distantly remembered.

“Okay I got it.” He mumbled, bringing the towel to his head.

“Hang in there, okay? I'm almost there.”

“Okay.” Scott wanted to cry. His head hurt and he was dizzy and he wanted someone there.

He heard a rattle of keys and in came Wallace, phone still in head. He looked Scott up and down and frowned. “Oh, man… Scott, what did you do.” He sat his stuff down on the floor and walked over, sitting in front of Scott.

Scott sobbed, tears filling his eyes. Wallace grabbed the towel from him, wiping off the blood to see the damage.

In reality it wasn't that bad, just a small wound. It wouldn't even need stitches. “Man… what happened?”

Scott shook his head and regretted it, black spots invading his vision again. “I can't. I can't, Wallace, I can't do this-”

“Scott. Breathe. Come on, you have to tell me what happened.” Wallace pushed.

“I hit my head.” He frowned. “I do it all the time. You know I do. I don't know what happened. I don't know.”

Wallace held the towel to his friend's head with one hand, rubbing his back with the other. “Oh, Scott… It's okay. You're okay. It'll be alright, man.” He sighed, unsure what to do.

“Okay. Okay, come on man. Stand up. We need to get you to the ER.” Wallace said.

“No! No no no we- we can't. We can't go, please-”

Wallace cut him off with a hand on his arm. “Okay. Okay Scott, we won't go. But you have to stay up for a little while, okay? I don't know if you have a concussion so I don't want you to die.”

Some part of Scott thought maybe he should, but he pushed that down for another time. He nodded. He could do that.

He pulled the towel off his face so Wallace could check the bleeding. Luckily, it'd stopped with pressure.

Wallace stepped over him and sat in the corner, holding his arms out for Scott. Scott looked at him for a minute before falling into his arms. Wallave wrapped his arms around him and started playing with his hair gently. “Tell me if it hurts, okay?” Scott nodded silently and melted into his touch.

Wallace held his friend for hours until it was safe for him to sleep, his heart hurting for the pain that his friend went through.