#like we'd have so many fics if this was a proper game

[moment-live]

I can't beat the Buno D'rhad fight so nothing happened and everyone lived happily ever after as one big happy family

[ourdramaqueen]

Fic Tag Game

I was tagged by @suchaladyy 🌸

20 questions:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

55, divided into fandoms as follows: Wednesday (TV 2022) (24) The Boys (TV 2019) (21) The Lord of the Rings (8) Sin City - All Media Types (1) Almost Human (TV) (1)

2. What’s your AO3 word count?

368,862

3. What fandoms do you write for?

See #1. Currently only Wednesday, though I do hope to get back into The Boys soon, and I still have some unpublished LotR WIPs that I'd like to actually finish sometime...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Private Tutor

Kinktober Day 8: Shaving (The Boys, Butcher/Hughie)

Kinktober Day 2: See-through (The Boys, Butcher/Hughie)

Kinktober Day 18: Rough Sex (The Boys, Butcher/Hughie)

How do I passive-agressively say ‘fuck you’ in flower?

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I really appreciate when readers take the time to post a comment, so I always answer at least with a brief "thank you".

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Defintiely the whole Closer series (LotR, Frodo/Éomer) because it is mostly canon compliant, so it ends with Frodo going into the West. 😭My Rough Sex series (The Boys, Butcher/Hughie) is also fairly angsty by its nature as a series of mildly canon divergent gap filler fics following through the episodes of S1 and S2 (so far).

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think pretty much anything apart from the above two series? Well, apart from the Struck by a Bolt series (The Boys, Butcher/Hughie), which has the potential to go either way.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't gotten outright hate, but certainly a few rude/entitled/"clearly hasn't read the tags or the end note despite me recommending to in the a/n at the beginning" comments.

9. Do you write smut? What kind?

LOL! All kinds. Soft, kinky (probably more kinky), some a bit dark. I seem to enjoy my ships a little fucked up.

10. Do you write cross-overs?

I don't have a proper crossover on my AO3 (see #12 for the reason why I specify it like this), though I'd love to write one sometime since I love reading them. The closest I've come is Kinktober Day 15: Monster Fucking (The Boys, Butcher/Hughie), which is heavily Beauty and the Beast inspired.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Little Brother was translating Private Tutor into Russian, though they haven't updated it in a while.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh yes! In fact, the first fics I posted online were cowritten with two (originally three, but one of then dropped out shortly after we'd started) friends, though under a different pen name and in a crossover of two small fandoms (with additional ones sneaking in here and there). I haven't written for that series in at least 15 years, though I still have fairly extensive notes for a trilogy of stories centered around my OC and I'd love to get back to that eventually.

But more recently, I've cowritten Line Without a Hook with erraticallyinspired (holyfudgemonkeys), who afaik isn't on Tumblr, and An Addams Family Guide to Kidnapping with @nonamemanga. I'm currently working on something with @suchaladyy, and who knows what and who will be next? It's a lot of fun!

13. What WIP would you like to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oof! I only have unpublished WIPs which I'm not sure if I'll ever get to finish them. Mostly for LotR.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I really can't choose. Go look at my bookmarks on AO3, LOL!

15. What are your writing strengths?

Oh boy. Um. I think I've figured out quite well how to show character through smut, as well as to distinguish characters from one another by how they behave and talk.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Hmm... Sometimes I get bogged down in details, though I've gotten much better at catching myself now. Oh, paragraphs of really long sentences, but again, I've improved a lot there. 😆

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Absolutely, as long as I'm confident in the language or have someone who's a native/fluent speaker to help me with it.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Are we talking wrote for myself, or published? Because I started as a teenager in the 80s, writing your typical Mary Sue self-inserts starring my favorite celebs, like Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran, by hand on notepads...

19. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Nope, still can't choose, sorry!

20. What fic would you want to rewrite one day?

There's one story from my first cowriting experience I mentioned in #12 that I would dearly love to rewrite because the constant POV changes are driving me nuts when I read it now! I don't think there's anything that's currently on my AO3 that I feel the need to rewrite.

I don't know who's been tagged or not, so if you haven't been but want to participate, consider yourself tagged!

[thh-collab-fic]

What are your plans on approaching Chihiro and Toko/Syo?

Written by @nerd-cat-rambles ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

Oh first ask, so awesome!

Alright anon, here we go...

We just started this whole thing yesterday, so we don't even have plans on who's surviving/dying/blackened etc. BUT!!! We will NEVER EVER get rid of Syo, we love genocider syo!

And for Chihiro, seeing as even the creators didn't put TOO much thought into their (her? HIS? HELP???) development, the most likely outcome will be giving them development, and a proper backstory that makes gendering them much easier for viewers/readers!

Again, none of this is final, (except for syo being amazing omg) as this whole thing is a WIP. But, if you want to join the team and help DM. Any suggestions you have are valid, and valuable, which we'd love to hear!

Even if you don't like writing it's alright, because there are so many ways to help!

In future if we get enough people in the fic, we're planning on changing character POVs per chapter (each author is responsible for a different character so we can have a variety of perspectives and different writing styles) this makes the reader know that nobody is safe, you're reading in Makoto's POV? He might die at the end, he might kill at the end, he probably isn't even the protagonist. Who knows???

We'll keep alot of things in the fic similar to the original game!

Written by : @sleepy-pile-of-ashe

(Pasted from DMs with perms, seperate messages) ->

I kinda want a genderfluid or transfem Chihiro ngl

I think we SHOULD do some research on systems and DID as a whole tho b/c Toko/Syo arent that accurate anymore

Written by: @brainfilehasstoppedworking

(Pasted from DMs with perms) -> Genderfuild Chihiro would be good. Idk. 'Cause I usually do he/him or they/them pronouns for him. So I think genderfluid is a good option.

Written by: @le-agent-egg

Oh hey no worries! Honestly I agree that we should do a lot of research into Toko and Syo, since while to an *extent* you can justify it as 2010, it’s still really. Icky. Not good. I still wanna include Syo because BEST CHARACTER BEST CHARACTER WE LOVE SYO SYO IS SILLY GOOFBALL BEST CHARACTER but I wanna make sure we actually like!!! Write Syo with respect!! I think that’s really really important.

AS FOR CHIHIRO. Oh Chihiro my sweet baby Chihiro. For me personally, I think enby or transfemme would probably work best, though I might be a little biased since I do use they/them for Chihiro. But!! I think the most important thing is that, like Syo, we write them with the respect they deserve. Genderfluid Chi would also work! Just as long as it’s kind of stated, again, treat them with respect. I don’t wanna act like my word is gospel, especially since I’ll never understand the struggles of someone who is transfemme, but I do hope both Chi and Syo get the good writing and respect they deserve!! That’s just my opinion. (again under NO CIRCUMSTANCES will Syo be axed. The silly ever. We love Syo ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️)

---

Sorry this took so long, we had to get answers from everybody on the team.

If you have any long ideas, put them in the suggestion box and we'll check if we can put it onto the blog.

Any reblogs please put into the #THH Rewrite Collab tag

Thanks for the ask anon, hope this helped you!!! <3

[theliterarywolf]

Hold on, let me compile these latest ToTK asks.

Though, beforehand, let me just say: Anon, you can't just give me a perfect fic description like that and not drop the title!

Anonymous asked: So I don't care for canon Yona, Nintendo writers kinda shit the bed with her feeling really lacklustre. But fanfic Yona? I'm not someone who goes "FANFIC WRITERS ARE BETTER!" Not at all, but I have to give it to the fanfic-writers this time, they took a big nothing burger, and actually gave her some depth. One fic has the Zora not understanding "love" in the same way Hylians do, but more as a general feeling of belonging with someone, and you kinda have that lowkey drama with SidLink, and Yona is the girl who comes through, and she and Sidon research the Hylian concept of love, and it was honestly kinda fun, especially when Sidon "realises" that what he's feeling for Link is the Hylian concept of love. I also have a friend who's planning out a fic idea with 👑-Yona following along Link and Zelda post-Totk, who then starts feeling a kindred spirit with Zelda in friendship, and gets better acquainted with Link, and it focuses on Yona, and her relationship with the Z, L, S and M. Anonymous asked: I don't get why ppl hate Yona. I mean, not happy about it either, but that has less to do with her being Sidon's partner, and more with the fact that I don't like her design. I honestly feel more miffed about how fucking dirty they did Sidon's character this time around. I have no idea who was snoozing while doing Sidon, but he has like no personality? I thought we'd finally get some Sidon focus in the temple and then he fucking bails. I don't even remember a proper cutscene like with the others

Anon 1: It all ties back to how earlier I was saying that I just don't like her execution (and, as Anon 2 mentioned, her design). Because for as much as the people defending the Zora's Domain writing as 'well, she's new so of course she doesn't have much character', there are so many ways that they could have endeared the player to her.

Have a minor escort mission to gather ingredients for her to heal the other Zora with, with Yona stopping every so often to ask Link endearing questions. Have a fetch-quest that combines how they handled the Zora Armor (Yona needing an ancient fish from the sky islands to finish it) with Link having to go into Yona's room to retrieve another component and, while you're there, there's a journal that Yona's been keeping where she could be laying out her anxieties about being the best match for Sidon, about trying to be a good Queen to follow the example that Mipha would have been, to be as much of a support to Sidon and the Domain as Link has been.

Just... Something more than what we got.

Also, again, you have to send me that fic title. Because I have been dreading going onto the SidLink portion of AO3 since ToTK came out.

Anon 2:

Who was responsible for the Zora's Domain portion of this game? I want NAMES!

Because, how is it that every other Sage (at least so far, I haven't done the Gerudo portion of the game yet) is an active companion on the journey to the Temples, giving you the opportunity to get used to their mechanics and their special ability... But with Sidon, you get a 'boss fight' against a Like-Like and then he fucking dips until you get to the Water Temple.

Why?

Like, let's put aside the butchering of his personality (even though, as I mentioned before, I know what the writers were trying to do in having his trauma being the last hurdle to overcome before becoming king, but it is not fun), but Sidon just is not enjoyable anymore. His character and personality peaked in Age of Calamity.

How does such a major character have better writing in the fucking Musou spin-off game?!

[dropthedemiurge]

For the writer ask game - 🌈, 💝, 🍭!

Last part of the writer ask game - thanks for sending me questions~ 🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

Oohh, that's a hard one. I'm not confident in writing long fics for now (cuz I suddenly get frustrated with my plots and think they aren't interesting enough so I keep them in wips for years). I still have many webtoons outlines almost fully written out that no one would ever see. but to see if I have something posted and not from my kpop group... I do want to joke about that one time I had to write SeanWhite xDD Okay, but for real it'd probably be that one PatPran story no one really read? But for me PatPran are really-really relatable because my parents are divorced and I spent my young years being torn apart between competing, hate, inconsiderate words from one parent to another and being confused cuz I loved both of them. It made me be good at hiding and pretending, and lying and navigating through this, and then I wrote my only(?) short patpran fic. With no plot, nothing, really, probably no one bat an eye if they were reading it. But it contains some of my life-long frustration there. "Are you really going to celebrate such an important day of your life without your parents? I know I can't let my parents miss it. But we can't have both families in the same room. How are you going to choose?"

Ouch, that was a lot.

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Definitely "Not Me, Not You, But This Is Where We Are Needed" (I still regret this long name, my wip is called different and I can't remember the proper name now xD)!

I just randomly wrote it as "lmao, Not Me x Eclipse crossover can be so much fun! Imagine Yok and Ayan doing shenanigans in Suppalo! Imagine Akk getting into the gang!" and then everyone got so excited and anticipating and thinking about it that I got scared cuz I did not plan such a huge and profound outline and now I feel like I have to provide a cool big long fic for everyone that I'm rewriting my idea now but I'm still not satisfied with it xD Yeah. Definitely did not expect this response.

🍭why did you start writing?

I've been in fandom creative communities for a long time. I don't even know when I started, really. From a very young age - back when we sketched anime girls on school notebook pages, or shaman king drawings in paint or played pretend as naruto characters and read akatsuki au cracks and wanted to roleplay on forums. We'd imagine a character in the universe, make a profile and roleplay with each other in text forms. Those forums still exist and they are very high quality now! And then we had Fandom Combats where it's basically all-fandoms competition-festivals and we needed to write and draw and create a lot of things and when you didn't have enough people, you had to do the best you could yourself. I learnt a lot of skills from that time lol. It was also a lot of fun and you gained a lot of friends online in different cities that you could meet up with later.

Still think fandom communities are the best life schools and just best things ever ^^

[centurieslove]

18 and/or 21 for the merlin ask game?

18: Favourite dragon?

Ohhh I mean is this just between Kilgharrah and Aithusa? I do wish we'd had more of Aithusa because I wish I felt more connected to them, and I want to know everything about them growing up and their life before/after Morgana - so I guess Kilgharrah because he's a sassy cryptic bastard and I kinda love the way his and Merlin's friendship ended up, like that "old friend" shit is so good.

21: Fics you wish you could find more of?

I have too many answers to this:

Longer Merwaine fic, incl. more angst and slow-burn. There's lot of great merwaine but I loveeee long-fic and I want more (same with merwenthur tbh I always want more)

I would loveeee some proper morgwen fic and just better F/F fic in general, I want angsty lovers to enemies morgwen DELICIOUS oh my god

ELYAN FIC. I neeeeed pre-canon fic with elyan and gwen and tom

Honestly we are SO well fed with Merthur and I'm endlessly grateful for that - but omg. I always want more jealous ex-lovers. all the time. oh especially with a confident merlin who flirts with other nobles to piss arthur off, specifically, and he knows it - oh and I ALWAYS love arthur returns/immortal!merlin fics I literally cannot get enough of them

ask game

[peakyblindersxx]

whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 6 of ?)

gif by my queen @michaelgreys, i'm basically her fanblog now but im not mad about it :) i mean just look at him!!1! i almost fainted

a/n: first of all, if you stuck around to this point, tysm for reading!!! this has been one of the most amazing fics ive ever been a part of and it's all thanks to the gorgeous @stxdyblr-2k, who generously took control of the next few parts. her brain is beautiful and we all owe her flowers or something. when i read what she sent me i couldn't bring myself to change much except for some small edits, so pls give her lots of love if you like it!!!! i'm still working on requests as well :)

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four five | my masterlist

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03

prompt: nothing this good can last forever. john doesn't know how to feel, and neither do you.

warnings: nsfw! a teensy bit of smut, angsty as fuck prepare yourselves accordingly, a lil fluff if u squint, yeah this fucked me up

Obviously, it wasn't the last time.

Over the coming months you had many last times; his mouth pressed against your neck said as much. As his responsibility at work increased, you'd find yourself heading to his office after your lectures and night classes more often, perched on his lap, smoking, while he finished up his numbers under your critical gaze.

Thomas was more than aware; his snarky comments made it obvious he had his ways of monitoring your actions. You'd seen the dark car lurking outside your rallies and lectures, and no matter how you'd try to throw him off, not even telling Ada where you were going and even, in a moment of desperation, through your neighbours back window, somehow, his silent shadow was still looming. He was practically begging you to make a mistake, to give everyone an easy out. You just couldn't give him the satisfaction. You knew Tommy saw the world as a chess board, always several moves ahead of his opponent. Even when you played him in chess club all those years ago, you could outflank him if you thought on your feet and kept him thinking he was winning until you obliterated him in the end game. It was brutal, sure. But as he told you, there were bigger games at play. You had your own. Thomas could read your mail, intercept your phone calls and have you followed, but he couldn't hear what you said out of earshot. Your lot could smell an interceptor in your ranks, so spying at that close of a proximity was out of the question.

That's why he'd decided to let you have John. You knew his silent approval and his constant management of the narrative meant he saw a tactical gain. There was only so much information he could get from Ada, but John? He just had to agitate him in the right way and all your secrets would come tumbling out. It was difficult hiding your world from John; of what he knew of, he was supportive, quizzing you over current affairs and political discourse, listening intently. Yet, you had to watch your mouth. You had to keep a barrier up and you knew John sensed the distance. Fundamentally, there was nothing either of you could do.

So here you were, in a comfortable limbo. Your days were filled with work, evenings were for lectures and reading groups at the city's university, Ada and you often stopped for a drink or three; you'd go by your flat to freshen up, and then to John's office. Sometimes, you wouldn't visit for a week or so when the guilt sent you over the edge, it was draining to be living so many lives and knowing you were betraying the person you loved most on earth. Ada was oblivious, taking you on her nightly adventures filled with men, dancing and waiting while she was busy kissing in dark corners. Sometimes a young blinder would ask if you wanted to be walked home. The first occurrence you thought was sweet, but as the nights it occurred coincided with nights John seemed extra pent up, you'd decided to ask. The boy, who couldn't be older than twelve but who you knew was trained in using firearms and had a revolver pinned to his hip and a razor in his cap, looked confused.

"Mate, it's not a tough question. Why do you come and ask?"

"There's a phone call." He shrugs, "Isaiah or Michael tells us to go and get you."

Isaiah and Michael were somewhat aware? Fucking hell. Your fling was basically a military campaign at this point, so many of your friends were complicit. The little lads who ran as messengers around Birmingham were complicit. You had to just end it.

But when you sat on his thigh, his chin hooked over your shoulder, it felt so worth it. He never turned you away when you came crawling back. He never mentioned it until after you were finished, hooked under his arm.

"Fucking missed you, gorgeous."

Sometimes he'd remind you not to be a stranger with a wink, but you could tell it was tearing him apart too. He never once came to you. That's how he could justify it in his mind; obviously, the bare minimum was not having sex with his sister's best friend, but in failing that, waiting for you to initiate it was somewhat better. He barely talked to Ada now, citing work as an excuse, but truly the guilt sickened him. He couldn't believe he was prepared to continuously hurt his little sister and betray her. But every time you turned up at his door, he couldn't find it in himself to turn you away. In his mind, every single time you came to visit him was the last time he'd let it happen, yet he was always waiting for you to come back, his blind closed to signal he was prepared. He never would call, it had to be your choice.

You'd been off and on for over five months now. It was so difficult to hide in plain sight, but you just couldn't stop yourself. Neither of you purposefully meant for this to be happen but fuck, was it fun.

For your birthday he'd gifted you a fur coat from the same shop his sister, aunt and the fashionable crowd of Birmingham had purchased theirs. He joked that you looked like a "proper razor chaser", kissing you when you pouted at his teasing, begging you to wear only the coat when you fucked him next. It was a practice for blinders to buy a coat for their wives and girlfriends as a status symbol. You were neither, but John claimed that being his "favourite lass" also counted.

John was a laugh, but you knew at any time he could close his door to you. Until he decided he couldn't be bothered with you, you weren't going to get caught. You just had to be careful until he got bored.

***

You did end up putting a foot wrong. It was a Thursday night; you were sitting on the edge of John's desk while he was ridding you of your blouse. It was past midnight, Birmingham was asleep. You almost didn't bother coming out tonight, but you knew John had lost a deal and you wanted to be there for him. Your skirt and stockings were strewn across the desk with his shirt, vest and waistcoat, muddled into the files and papers which were once neatly stacked.

His fingers were pumping in and out of you, his mouth lapping at your breast, your head tipped back in euphoria, groaning. The stress made him more affectionate and tender with you, and it was nights like these that made you wonder. Wonder if this could ever be something more, something real.

John's body suddenly pulled away from yours, quickly turning the light off.

"John, what-" You were cut off by John’s hand over your mouth, muffling your words.

"Shut up and get behind the desk." He hissed. "Someone's coming upstairs."

You quickly grabbed your clothes from the shiny oak surface and crouched, hiding yourself from view, quickly making yourself decent. You weren't going to get shot through the head with your tits out. You listened to the stairs creek, and it sounded like a group. You two were easily outnumbered. They were talking, but the thick panels of wood muffled their voices.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, the cracks in the door giving the room a dulled glow, you could make out the figure of John. He was free of his shirt, toned body on display, standing with his back flat to the wall, revolver produced from a discreet notch in the door frame, gaze fixed on where they'd enter. He was tense, ready. The door was unlocked from the outside, the door handle twisting.

John's lip shifted in confusion yet still he kept his trigger finger ready, not a single shake from your general.

The light flicked on and a shriek rang out. It was blinding, and you stood up slightly dazed. Finn was in the doorway, John next to him clutching his chest, panting and lowering the gun.

"Jesus Christ, Finn, can't you knock like a normal person? Scared the shit out of us." John bellowed, shaking as the adrenaline coursed through his body, resting his hands on the edge of the desk as he regained his breath.

"You're the one who pointed a gun at me! I didn't even know you were in 'ere!" Finn yelped.

The commotion had attracted the attention of Ada and Isaiah, who had come running and stopped in their tracks upon seeing you standing behind John's desk in the middle of the night. They weren't stupid. John was topless, your clothes obviously rumpled, both with matching tousled hair and practically stinking of guilt. You'd been caught red handed. Ada's eyes flicked between both you and John, and you could practically see the pieces of the puzzle clicking together in her mind, all the moments she found questionable since you'd returned suddenly making sense, realising she had been deceived by the two people who she was meant to trust most in life. Finn looked absolutely crushed, he'd never been able to conceal his emotions as well as his older brothers and sister, linking his fingers through Ada's, squeezing her hand.

"I forgot to drop this off earlier." Finn stated, holding up a money box, "Ada had keys so we thought we'd sneak in so I wouldn't get done by Tommy. We did call round yours, Y/N. We thought you were in bed."

"I'm sorry." You said. It was not enough but you just didn't know what else to say. You couldn't make it right, you'd really fucked up this time. Tears pricked at your eyes, as Ada examined you in silence.

John stepped in front of you defensively. "Look, Ada-"

"How long has this been going on?" She asked, her voice shaking with rage. You and John exchanged a glance. "I said, how fucking long?"

"Five months, six in a fortnight." He answered.

Isaiah whistled lowly. "That's fucked. I thought it was only a few times, that it'd finished."

"Never really over when it's John is it." Finn interjects, you glance to him, were you just one in a long string? You shouldn't be surprised but it was easy to pretend he may actually care about you.

"You've been fucking around for six months behind my back?" Ada yelped, Finn trying to comfort her but she pulled away from him. "And you fucking knew Iz."

"I'd expect this from you, yeah? Wouldn't put anything past you these days.." she sneered at John, "But you? You?! You're meant to be my best mate, but here you are sneaking about fucking my brother?"

"Ada-" you began, eyes welling with tears.

"I thought I could trust you. You're just another fucking razor chaser, aren't you?" She spits. "That's why you came back."

"No it wasn't, Ada-"

Her eyes flashed with anger, but this time John was on the receiving end. "You bought her that fucking coat ,didn't you? The fur one. You did! Fuck's sake!" Her fists were clenched, shoulders squared. For the first time in your life, you understood why crowds parted for Ada Shelby. Understood all the free drinks and cab rides, the nervous serving staff declaring your meal on the house (always acknowledged by Ada with a hefty tip), understood why the men of Birmingham didn't last long with her.

"Did it feel good to swan about town in that fucking coat, while acting as though you cared about me? It's so fucking embarrassing. All trussed up because my knobhead big brother makes you feel special? Thanks for rubbing it in my face."

"Ada, I love you. I never meant to hurt you, I got caught up and that's on me. It's my fault."

"You're not acting like you love me. This isn’t what love is, Y/N." She retorted.

You couldn’t do anything but nod. She was right.

John opened his mouth to speak, Ada silencing him, a scowl darkening her features.

"I don't care what you have to say. Any of you. Who else knows?"

"Thomas, Michael, Arthur-" John listed off slowly, each name prompting Ada to break down a little bit more in front of you.

"I didn't know Arthur knew." You said pointedly, John sending you an exasperated glance. He was planning on dealing with that later, but right now was about his sister. Fuck him if he thought you were going to stick around much longer. You didn't want to hear him justify everyone else knowing about your fling with your best friend being left completely in the dark.

"That all you have to say for yourself?" Ada snaps at you.

"I have fucking no defense, do I Ada? I should've walked away." You pushed your hair back, frustrated at yourself, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You begged yourself not to cry. Tears wouldn't help anything.

"Why didn't you?"

You didn't know. Your silence only riled her up.

"Why didn't you fucking walk away?" Ada yelled, slamming her hands on the desk.

You felt hot tears run down your face, quickly moving your hands to dab at your tears.

"Don't you dare fucking cry. After all you've done, you don't get to cry in front of me." Ada growled at you, John going to shush her, obviously wanting to comfort you. "You can all fuck off. You've all lied to me and gone behind my back. Fuck’s sake, you could've just told me. You could've just told me."

"We didn't want to hurt you." John said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder but she flinches away.

"This hurts so much more. You get that you all lying to me is so much worse, don't you?"

"We weren't thinking."

"You really fucking weren't." Ada laughs bitterly, shaking her head, blinking away tears. "Fuck you lot."

She stormed out, tailed by Finn, begging her to slow down and talk to him, protesting his innocence in the situation. Isaiah hesitated in the doorway, his eyes flickering between you and John.

"I had no idea you two've been at it for so long."

"Iz, fuck off yeah? I've had enough today." John shot back, sliding across the desk towards you. "You alright, lass?"

"We're done here, John."

He slid off the table, his hand cupping your face, "Hey, gorgeous, I get it but don't go breaking my heart tonight. Can we just leave this for tomorrow? Sleep on it."

The idea of getting any sleep at all tonight was laughable, you'd be up all night replaying these moments and torturing yourself. Tonight couldn't get any worse so you had to finally end it. Now was the right time.

"John, it should've never happened."

"But it did."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."

"Y/N. You know for me it was never just about-"

"You're making it difficult. Stop making it difficult. Whatever you say isn't going to change that right now we have to do the right thing."

"I know you're right, but I don't want to let go. Is it so wrong to want you? I adore you, you know that."

You wouldn't meet his eyes. Sighing, John pressed his forehead to the side of your head, chin brushing your shoulder, eyes closing. He was begging you to stay with him. There had to be a solution, you'd figure it out together. His voice was cracking, eyes glassy. He looked so much younger when he was pleading. The tall bloke who terrorised the Midlands with his razor rimmed cap, a revolver in his hand, and a ruthless trigger finger had vanished. You wanted to stay, burning to curl up with him and for him to kiss it better.

"I should go." You told him. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, letting out a shaky sigh before pulling away, nodding.

"I'd drive you home but obviously-"

"Obviously."

John suddenly turned from you, eyes narrowing at Isaiah who was still hovering at the door. "Thought I told you to fuck off. Make yourself useful and get Y/N home safely." His tone was ice cold once again.

Isaiah nodded, offering his arm to you. You reached the door and instinctively looked back at John. His eyes met yours, staring at you from his desk, just as you knew he would. He prepared himself to watch you leave every night, but this time was different. That was it with you two.

Isaiah strode down the street with you in silence. You were tucked into his side as was customary with the upcoming blinders who were particularly ambitious, but there was no relaxed chat.

"Isaiah. What’re you thinking?" You asked, voice tinged with nervousness.

He sighed, running his free hand across his jaw, "That was intense in there."

"Just how he is." You shrugged.

"Does he love you or sommet?"

"Fuck knows… does it matter?"

"Of course it does. Do you love him?"

"Drop it. None of that matters, it shouldn't have happened in the first place so it can’t," You snapped, the anger at the situation you'd created suddenly overwhelming.

Isaiah whistled, raising his brow at your obvious turmoil. "You're in fucking deeper than you want to admit."

He walked you up your path, watching you turn the key to the side door leading to your bedsit. You paused, turning to him.

"Iz… I don't know what to do next."

It was so dark, you could see his face only by the lit cigarette burning to embers between his fingers. He inhaled deeply, pausing before delivering his carefully laid out plan of avoidance. Obviously the event of him crossing the Shelbys and losing their good graces weighed heavily on his mind. You nodded, listening intently, noting his ideas of relocation but he explained they were a final resort. The best thing to do was try to regain their trust; in the long run, he had calculated, it was the only option that didn't result in your life being haunted by the Shelbys. Even if they left you alone, their enemies would make a point to go after you, seeing you as an easy target. The other option was to leave the country.

"Good luck, Y/N. I mean it." He muttered as you turned the handle to the temporary safety of your home. You nodded, offering you cheek for the polite good night kiss you'd become accustomed to. He rolled his eyes and obliged, pressing an affectionate kiss to your cheek and ruffling your hair. "I'm serious. Watch your back."

***

John broke down when he finally heard the lock click shut. His eyes had been prickling with boiling tears, his jaw tensed to hold them back. He yelled out in anger, flipping his desk with force, a loud crash as the wood splintered against the stone flooring, glass shattering from the photo frames. His hands went to his head, unable to stop the gasping breaths escaping from his trembling lips, his face reddening.

"Fuck’s sake." He growled. He'd fucked everything up. He had nothing, just as he'd told you the first night you returned. The consequence was no surprise, he'd anticipated the fall out for a while, but he couldn't resist you. He was completely guilty and had no defense; his only justification being that you made him think with his cock, not his brain.

Fuck’s sake. Polly was going to murder him. She'd always had a soft spot for Ada, as the only girl in the family, and was no stranger to lecturing him over his flirtatious behaviour around Ada's friends. She'd murder him. He had a half mind to never go home. He rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. Polly had no use for tears. That's what she'd tell him when he was a boy coming home with a skinned knee. This was far worse.

He was also sure that he was a worse brother than Tommy, perhaps the worst in the world. His baby sister, who he'd helped to toddle, carry proudly on his shoulders after school and race with her on his back through the fields on the outskirts of Small Heath, had walked in on him obviously in the midst of fucking her best mate. If he had swallowed his pride and actually talked to her, he wouldn't be in this mess. He could've told her that things changed, that for the same reasons Ada loved Y/N he had fallen for her, that he was truly sorry but she had to know before it got too far and someone got hurt. He couldn't go back.

He should've never approached you that night.

He should never approach you again.

He looked over the mess of his office, the splintered wood and shards of glass, a confetti of paperwork. Now nothing mattered. None of this mattered. He'd lost everything and he had only himself to blame.

[maglors-anion-gap]

Ohh ohh dark headcanon for Tulkas or Manwë

-@outofangband

[for this game]

hello! Hmmm so we've talked a lot about tulkas already both via dm and in a thread of some other bolt related character headcanons, so i may leave him be for the moment, we're already on the same wavelength there.

Hmmm I suppose lowhanging fruit for manwe is that I wonder how much his far-seeing ability stretches. How much privacy does one have from a god who can bend his whole mind to perceiving you? Wondering if in less noble moments manwe indulges in some less-than-ethical spying and eavesdropping. Considering that he's one of (if not the chief) arbiters of eru, I wonder how much of that he justifies as proper and necessary. What makes me think this is that he's something of a counterpart to melkor, who uses many methods of spying and detection (mods are asleep, quick, post the quote about the gondolin weasels).

All this being in a dark interpretation, obv.

| nsft below |

none of the above is inherently sexual, but i suppose the mind naturally wanders in that direction. We'd discussed my orome/celegorm ritualistic intercourse fic a while back, and I'd had a hard time figuring out what the rituals of the other valar would be, but I think manwe's likely involves voyeurism...