#like when people call her ugly or body shame

[noahsworld96]

okay but i think she can handle A FEW people who don't like her

[sugarcoatedstarkey]

for request ⊹ maybe someone makes a comment about how reader looks so rafe shows her just how beautiful he thinks she is.

I hope this was what you were wanting 🖤 thank you for requesting!

Beauitful -

warnings - people calling reader ugly, language & fem receiving oral. (18+)

“Baby! Where did you- why are you crying? What happened?”

It feels like the world stops spinning when his eyes land on you, tears soak your face, harsh lines from where your makeup once sat perfectly blended where smudged and wet. Your eyes bloodshot and sad, Rafe is pulling you against his chest, your tears start falling harder the moment his hand cradles your head. “Can we please go?”.

He’s escorting you out of the party, wrapping his arm around your head to shield you from prying eyes. He sent angry glares to anyone trying to take a peek at you. “What happened baby?”

You shake your head, you know you shouldn’t be crying. People have been cruel your whole life, always picking on something. Most of the people who were rude were people jealous of your family's wealth, jealous of your relationship with Rafe. “It doesn’t matter”

Rafe stops you abruptly, cupping your jaw tightly. He has a deep crease between his eyebrows as he stares at you in annoyance. “No.. you're not doing that. You don’t get to cry and then tell me it’s nothing.. you wouldn’t be crying if it was nothing”

Squeezing your eyes shut in shame, it was such a pathetic reason to be crying. He was just going to laugh and tell you to get over it. “Just a stupid group of girls being bitches”

Rafe steps closer to you, caging you against the car door. “What did they say?”

“That they don’t know why you love me.. that I’m worthless.. that I’m ugly” you hiccup the last part, biting down on your tongue to stop the sobs.

The words sting your throat as you repeat them back to him, heart pounding harshly against your chest in embarrassment. You can't bring yourself to look at Rafe, you knew he was rolling his eyes. “Hey.. look at me. Don’t listen to those fucking idiots, your perfect, your beautiful.. I love you because your the light to my darkness”

Looking up at him through your lashes. The corner of your lips curve into a smile, surprised with how he was reacting to your words. “You’ve never let anyone’s words affect you before, don’t let it affect you now. Not when your the most beautiful person on this island”

His lips are on yours before you can comment, pressing his body to yours. Your mind goes blank for a moment, letting the taste of his tongue blind you from the hateful words floating in your head. “So beautiful baby.. look at these goddamn perfect lips” he grunts, pressing a chaste kiss to your swollen lips. Running his hand down the length of your arm and curling his fingers around yours. “Look at these perfect hands.. the only hands I want to touch me”

You're grinning now, staring at him with bright eyes. He returns the smile reaching around to grab the car door, he pulls you against him as he opens the door and escorts you to the back seat.

“Let me show you how beautiful you are”

He crawls over you, closing the door behind him roughly. The car shakes slightly as he settles between your legs, kissing your ankle and up your calf. “Beautiful, so fucking beautiful” he kisses the side of your knee, pulling you closer to him. All words have become liquid and pooled in your panties, he leaves open mouth kisses up the length of your thigh. Leaving your cunt untouched, raising your hips to chase his lips only for him to press you firmly against the back seat. His nose brushes your dress up past your belly button, biting softly at the skin of your lower belly. “Beautiful”.

Slipping his hand under the strap of your dress and tugging it down, your nipples hardened under the intense gaze of his eyes. “These… these are extremely beautiful” his tongue drags up and back down between your tits, using both palms to push them together on his face. “So perfectly round, so soft and so beautiful”.

His mouth envelopes your nipple, sucking and biting softly. Your hips tilt upwards until you create a delicious friction on his belt bucket. “Fuck” you breath, arching your back from the seat. “Your fucking moans are even beautiful… never listen to those assholes baby girl.. your so fucking perfect”.

He skims up the back of your thigh grasping the material of your thong, yanking it down your legs and tossing it to the front seat. Hands gripping the back of your thighs to angle your wet heat to his face, his eyes locked on your soaked hole. “I don’t know how many times I can say this but it's beautiful.. this pussy, absolutely magic. The only god damn pussy I need or want”.

He licks a harsh stripe up the length of your cunt sending shivers up your spine, eyes going crossed at the action. Sucking your clit into his mouth with such force has you jutting from the seat, he holds you firmly against his face. Your body convulsing from his abuse, tongue and mouth working overtime on your sensitive pussy.

Without warning he pushes all three fingers into you, scissoring and pounding. A dull ache finds home in your lower belly, thighs clamping around his head as your orgasm forms. “RAFE… holy shit- I oh fuck” your a sobbing mess, grinding your cunt into his face and fingers. The sound of your wet pussy edges you further into bliss. “That’s it baby girl… show me those beautiful sounds”

“Yeah.. yes yes yes oh fuck like that Rafe! Harder shit”

The moans and cries from your lips has Rafe painfully hard, but this was about you. Not him, so he pounded his fingers into you harder, curling them until they caressed the soft spongy part of your cunt. “oh my fucking god- I’m cumming!” You screamed, eyes screwed shut, toes curled and body shaking as your orgasm flooded you. When it finally settled and his fingers slipped from within you, you dropped back to the seat dazed and fucked out. “So beautiful baby.. do you feel beautiful?”

You nod your head, finally bringing your eyes to his. His mouth and chin glistened with your arousal, his pupils blown out. You reach for his belt buckle, wanting to free his aching cock.

“Nuhuh this is about you.. making you feel good baby”

“Please” you whine, palming him through the material of his shorts. His fingers grip your wrist, pulling them above your head roughly. “I just made you cum, isn’t that enough?”

“Your cock makes me feel good.. so fucking good Rafe, please”

That’s enough to have him reaching in his pants and pulling his hard heavy cock out, your mouth salivating at the sight. “Do you understand how beautiful you are yet?”

“Yes Rafe.. so beautiful. Now please put your cock inside of me”

[star-anise]

reading supercut: disability, body image, and trauma

A glimpse into the clothes thrashing around in the washing machine of my mind, with apologies that it is still a wet lump and not an actual synthesis of ideas.

From Easy Beauty: A Memoir by Chloé Cooper Jones:

[This event] embedded a damaging idea in me, one I’d recognize deeply when I read Scarry years later: beauty was a matter of particulars aligning correctly. My body put me in a bracketed, undercredited sense of beauty. But if I could get the particulars lined up just right, I could be re-seen, discovered like the palm tree is discovered. To be deserving of the whole range of human desires, I had to be extraordinary in all other aspects. In this new light, I started to see my work, my intellect, my skills, my moments of humor or goodness, not as valuable in themselves, but as ways of easing the impact of my ugliness. If only I could pile up enough good qualities, they could obscure my unacceptable body. [...] accepting the argument that beauty was malleable came, for me, with a cost. The Platonian view rejected me cleanly, but Hume and Scarry left a door ajar and I’ve spent a lifetime trying to contort my form to see if I could pass through it.

From Til We Have Faces: A Myth Retold by CS Lewis:

I now determined that I would go always veiled. I have kept this rule, within doors and without, ever since. It is a sort of treaty made with my ugliness. There had been a time in childhood when I didn't yet know I was ugly. Then there was a time (for in this book I must hide none of my shames or follies) when I believed, as girls do — and as Batta was always telling me — that I could make it more tolerable by this or that done to my clothes or my hair. Now, I chose to be veiled.

From Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy of Borderline Personality Disorder by Marsha Linehan:

Inhibited grieving is understandable among borderline patients. People can only stay with a very painful process or experience if they are confident that it will end some day, some time—that they can "work through it," so to speak. It is not uncommon to hear borderline patients say they feel that if they ever do cry, they will never stop Indeed, that is their common experience—the experience of not being able to control or modulate their own emotional experiences. [...] In the face of such helplessness and lack of control, inhibition and avoidance of cues associated with grieving are not only understandable, bur perhaps wise at times. Inhibition, however, has its costs. [...] Volkan (1983) describes an interesting phenomenon, "established pathological mourning", which is similar to the pattern I am describing. In established pathological mourning, the individual wishes to complete mourning, but at the same time persistently attempts to undo the reality of the loss.

From How to Respond to Criticism by Danny Lavery:

Apologize, but don’t really mean it, and plant a seed of secret resentment so deep in your own heart that years later you can’t even remember that you’re the one who nurtured it and made it grow, it seems that much like a native part of you.

From Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed:

[After learning that state child protective services had made a budgetary decision to only intervene with children under 12, to one of the teenagers that regularly shared stories of abuse at home] I told her it was not okay, that it was unacceptable, that it was illegal and that I would call and report this latest, horrible thing. But I did not tell her it would stop. I did not promise that anyone would intervene. I told her it would likely go on and she’d have to survive it. That she’d have to find a way within herself to not only escape the shit, but to transcend it [...] I told her that escaping the shit would be hard, but that if she wanted to not make her mother’s life her destiny, she had to be the one to make it happen. She had to do more than hold on. She had to reach. She had to want it more than she’d ever wanted anything. She had to grab like a drowning girl for every good thing that came her way and she had to swim like fuck away from every bad thing. She had to count the years and let them roll by, to grow up and then run as far as she could in the direction of her best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by her own desire to heal.

From Essays in Aesthetics by Jean-Paul Sartre:

Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.

From "I Know What You Think of Me" by Tim Kreider:

if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

[thebottomfromhell]

Headcanons

Traditional Courting [more or less], Demon Male Reader, but genitals are not specified (this one has no sexual content). This are Gyutaro and the Hantengu Clones.

Gyokko, Nakime, Akaza, Douma and Kokushibou are here.

Warnings: Cannibalism, Mentioned dead animals, Human death, Mentioned death of unborn fetuses, Mentioned kidnapping, Threats to reader.

Gyutaro:

When you first ask permission to court him, he thinks it's a joke, and a funny one. He laughs hard and every time you try to explain he keeps laughing.

Then you ask permission to him and he realizes you are not joking. You managed to get Daki to help you to see him, but she thought you would get rejected.... technically for a second time. She stormed out with a tantrum, not wanting to share her brother with you, as he gave you not only the permission, but ordered you to court Gyutaro. To be honest you don't know what of yourself caused such an impression to him, but it's not like you want to back off, or even have the choice right now. [Muzan actually just wants you to get a strong bond with Gyutaro for him to be able to use you to "convince" him to absorb Daki :( ]

You start inmediately, more often than not he complains "just because you are a handsome, big and resourceful man doesn't mean you get to treat me like a girl, ne." You still don't stop to offer him to walk together, or bring him gifts.

It doesn't take you long to discover what gifts he actually likes, he prefers dead animals or dead people over anything else. He likes to keep the first, specially if they are pests, to be honest the worst thing you gave him was a snake and a mantis, both reminded you of him and he loved them. "If I am a mantis I might as well eat you sooner or later" he jokes, wincking, actually starting to like the attention. He eats all the humans you give him once you discover his taste, he likes ugly and deformed body parts, but the sweetest thing for him are organs, specially healthy and full stomachs, he likes the acid flavor in his mouth and how abundant it is.

You refrain to touch him as much as you can, not because you are disgusted but because he doesn't like touch. But that is a lie, Gyutaro is actually touch-starved, but you let him start any contact between you two. You are as respectful as you can, that at times makes him taunt you "Such a good husband you are, but here you are courting the ugliest of all the Red Light District instead of some pretty girl. Ne?"

To convince Gyutaro he is not ugly is both impossible and unnecesary, while he feels a bit shameful at times, he would not change his appereance for nothing. He doesn't know why, but it makes him proud. You let him have this self-denigrating humor he has, even though you don't find it funny, which is good because it might actually hurt him if you did. You also praise him a lot, not on his appereance since that makes him upset, he neither thinks you are lying out of pity or as a joke, he would feel it as condescending.

He likes when you tell him he is a good brother, that he is a good fighter, that he is powerful and scary. He also likes the promises of aid and company. At the end, once you prove you are honest and willing to make some few compromises for him, you're in his heart. He has very few things he cares about, much less people, so once the barriers are down, he is nothing but good with you as long you don't hurt him.

Daki, on her side, is a menace, thanks to her the courting is lasting forever, as Gyutaro doesn't dare to fully accept you without her approval even when you finally managed to get him to like you back. [Be glad, that is honestly what is saving you all from Muzan]. There isn't even a thing as marriage between demons! But still, when she is not looking, Gyutaro sometimes calls you "husband" as a playful nickname, since it's mostly a game where you need to make sure Daki doesn't hear him. She would make the biggest tantrum ever. [And Muzan would know he can get what he wants from you 💀, better stay courting and flirting forever]

It takes an infinity of time before Daki warms up to you, but even then, she doesn't want to share Gyutaro. It has always been them together and she hates the change. She will get used to your presence, but will still compete for Gyutaro's attention and time no matter what you do, and if he has to choose, she will always come first. "Don't be mad, but she is my little sister, ne. She is everything to me, ne."

Sekido:

{It was complicated to convince the clones to remain separated, the lack of the surprise element it's just something that scares Hantengu. You don't even know how you manages to find and face him again and convince him to order the division of the clones, but you did. He, on the other hand, did not care. At all. That you wanted Hantengu (or at least part of him). He actuaĺy wondered if something is wrong with you and if it's bad enough that he should kill you. But again, doesn't really care, just let you do as you pleased as long as the clones started to take advantage of the numbers and look for the damn Blue Spider Lily.}

Sekido constantly rejects you, and each time he is more aggresive. It just starts with a "You think I'm taking a woman's role for a guy like you? Do you want to anger me or what?" It gets to the point that if he is not in love with the gift you gave him or not manage to get the food the exact way he likes it, he will destroy whatever you give him, or worse, give it to Karaku and Urogi if he gets the chance, and they neither end up destroying or loosing the gift. And food, what food? There is no food leftz there was never food to begin with, but of course they didn't eat it..... (they are the dogs.)

The only thing you have seen him eat are brains of intelectual and near the middle age men, but only when it's still pink and full of blood, for some reason judges in particular seems to make it like the food more, but you never figured the change in taste a job could give. Also, he likes coins, for some reason. Old coins, foreign coins, high prize, low prize, new coins, big ones, small ones, ugly ones, pretty ones, hold, copper, anything, he keeps them all, counts and clean the collection.

Also, when you become insistent on the gifts and proposals he gets even more annoyed and angry with you, leading him to attack you both physically and verbaly. "You think you are doing something? You are an annoyance and a burden! Go to pester somebody else, damn okama!" So it's better to give him space and breaks from you after every interaction. [Okama is how drag queens or very femenine gay men are called in japan, but the word is a slur for queer people, please never use it.]

To actually get him to warn up to you you must befriend Hantengu and the rest of the clones first, which takes a lot of time and effort since now they are all separated and doing their own thing and the main body resents you for making him order the separation of the clones. In the end, Aizetsu takes pity of you and helps to with the others (he is also the one that told you about the coins, he's very helpful). "I see you are keeping the others out of trouble. Don't get it over your head, but I can appreciate that." He starts liking you back the moment he realizes he doesn't have to worry as much for the others with you helping around. He can actually relax for a while and be less angry all the time.

After a while he ends kidnapping a priest for both of you to have a ceremony, one he organized without letting you do anything. He enslaved Urogi, Karaku and Aizetsu for them to help him make everything the way he wanted and actually surprise you with "If this is what it takes for you to make my life easier, then fine. You will be my husband." You both eat the priest at the end of the ceremony.

Mind that while it was hard for him to catch feelings, loosing them will not be even ⅓ of the trouble the courting was. One big mistake, like not listening to him or forgetting something important will not be tolerated, if this behavior remains he will throw you to the sun. You spent more than 5 years courting him, so don't mess it up.

Karaku:

{It was complicated to convince the clones to remain separated, the lack of the surprise element it's just something that scares Hantengu. You don't even know how you manages to find and face him again and convince him to order the division of the clones, but you did. He, on the other hand, did not care. At all. That you wanted Hantengu (or at least part of him). He actuaĺy wondered if something is wrong with you and if it's bad enough that he should kill you. But again, doesn't really care, just let you do as you pleased as long as the clones started to take advantage of the numbers and look for the damn Blue Spider Lily.}

Karaku. Is. Greedy. Very greedy. The second you ask to court him he laughs happily "Sure, show me how enamored with me you are, lover-boy~". He takes every gift (even though there are times he looses them, which frustrates him at times but recieving a new gift or something to eat for you always makes him feel better, specially if you don't get mad at him) and every piece of flesh you get him.

Karaku, even though he doesn't use most of them, likes lavish and expensive stuff. Bath salts, jewelry, robes, essential oils, and other luxury items, he also thinks stolen goods are better than buyed ones, he laughed and joked about it when you asked. "If you are capable of stealing their stuff maybe you'll have a chance stealing my heart. C'mon, show me you are a bad boy and I'll show you I can be a good wife~" He also eats anything you give him, but he has a giant preference to fetuses and unborn children for some reason, not pregnant women, fetuses and unborn children. Obviously that is really hard to get, but you did manage twice or thrice.

Another thing is that he not only flirts back at you at every chance he gets, but also from time to time he likes to get you food and gifts. He is actually very romantic in that aspect, giving you flowers, reciting poems and philosophical quotes (he tells you he made them, since you don't remember human literature you can only believe him [he did not]), spending quality time together and so. And at time together, it's not just quality, it's also quantity, he spends most of his time with you. "Flower, what flower? The only thing I need is you, handsome~" He uses you as an excuse to procrastinate, which most of the time gets you in trouble with Sekido, who resents you for it...... it's a work in progress.

Still consider, while he does this, it doesn't mean he has fallen for you already, or even likes you the same way you like him. He is just chasing a good time, so if you want this to work instead to look for genuine feelings you should just entertain him. He barely knows your name until much later (that is why he ALWAYS calls you petnames, and the fact he likes them). When time passes and you are alredy fully integrated in his life, to the point you are even part of the life of Hantengu and the rest of the clones, is that he realizes "Holy shi- I think I actually like you."

Actually, the courting doesn't last that long, less than 4½ months, specially when you reject having sexual intimacy before marriage. It's fine, if he gets bored he can only throw you to the sun or the demon slayers later, he doesn't need to think much about it, but while you are courting him mostly traditionally, he wants a relationship upgrade, and he wants it soon. So it's surprise when he makes a- "Hey babe, I made a surprise party, a surprise wedding! You can thank me on our honeymoon~" but you should have expected something like this when he dissapeared for more than a week. You still have to win Sekido over by the time you both marry :(

On the good side, he does eventually catch feelings, and the wedding was nice :)

Urogi:

{It was complicated to convince the clones to remain separated, the lack of the surprise element it's just something that scares Hantengu. You don't even know how you manages to find and face him again and convince him to order the division of the clones, but you did. He, on the other hand, did not care. At all. That you wanted Hantengu (or at least part of him). He actuaĺy wondered if something is wrong with you and if it's bad enough that he should kill you. But again, doesn't really care, just let you do as you pleased as long as the clones started to take advantage of the numbers and look for the damn Blue Spider Lily.}

Even with his wings, Urogi falls, and falls hard, fast and deep. The moment you asked to court him, you won his interest. The second you give him food and gifts, you won his stomach. And the moment you started saying pretty promises to his ear, you found the stomach you won he had his heart. He easily becomes very needy and spoiled.

Urogi's favorite meal, you learn rather fast, are the eyes, tongue and fats from young people, specially in their face, and he likes to take the nose too. "Those parts are so cute I can't help but wanting to grab them!" On the other hand, the gifts he likes are dead animals, mostly the ones that are part of the bird of prey's diet, and anything shiny. Jewelry, coins, metal decoration items, blades, trinckets, even trash and leftover, as long as it's reflective, he wants it. "Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! I want it! You said you would be my suitor, that means you must suit me! So do so and gimme that golden tooth you found in your dinner!" He also accepts very giddy soft items, like pillows, comfortable clothing, strings, feathers that are not his, animal skin, and so. The thing is that he will destroy everything you give him.... to build. Nests.

Usually tearing down with his talons, fangs and soundwaves he tears apart averything you give him, and if he is not eating it, it's going to the several nests he started to build all over Japan, big enough to have two people (his idea was to have enough space for him to stretch with half-way eaten corpse besides him.) "Just the idea makes my heart sing of joy! It's like being rich and having several houses! One in the mountains, one in the beach, one by a river, one near a city, and more!" He has let you into one of his nests, for your surprise they are very comfortable, retain the warmth and it's a padded surface. He also has offered sleeping together, but wanting to finish the courting, you tell him you want to wait until marriage, he taunts you for that. "Well, aren't you a responsible and suitor? I hope you actually become more dutiful of what I want once we marry."

Urogi also loves petnames, you find out soon enough, both recieving them and getting them. He likes when you call him bird related nicknames like "birdie", "songbird", "feathers" and so, but the one that specially gets him giddy is "baby bird". "Yes sir, I'm your baby bird! Call me that again!"

You are the one that, when the time is ready and you have been given all the family's blessing, you ask for his hand after the year or so of courting. He lets you prepare the ceremony, his only condition is that he wants everything shiny. Or at least as much as possible. It would be almost impossible for him to fall out of love once you reached this part, you would need to break his heart into pieces and even then there is a bigger chance that Karaku and Sekido would do something about it than Urogi himself. Again, he is very needy, so you must take care of him.

Aizetsu:

{It was complicated to convince the clones to remain separated, the lack of the surprise element it's just something that scares Hantengu. You don't even know how you manages to find and face him again and convince him to order the division of the clones, but you did. He, on the other hand, did not care. At all. That you wanted Hantengu (or at least part of him). He actuaĺy wondered if something is wrong with you and if it's bad enough that he should kill you. But again, doesn't really care, just let you do as you pleased as long as the clones started to take advantage of the numbers and look for the damn Blue Spider Lily.}

Aizetsu doesn't really know how to react when you ask permission to court him, at first it's embarrasing that he is taking the traditional female role before a man like you, but he barely protests. When you start courting him, he realizes he actually likes to take that pasive role. He doesn't really has to do anything, and the attention is a nice one, a kind and peaceful one. The gifts and foods leave him touched, specially since you make the effort to know and get what he likes.

His taste in food is weird, he likes old people, specially men, aged enough to be bald and wrinckled, he likes the heart and the skin. "It's soft and very easy to tear, I also like the feeling of the veins exploding in my mouth...." he defends himself weakly, but he himself can't explain why human so similar to Hantengu are his appetite. He likes comfortable, warm and soft things, pillows, clothing, sheets and plushies, things he can hug, warm up, hide and cuddle with when he is feeling specially down. "Thank you for getting this robe for me, I know we don't need to cover up for winter, but it's very soft and nice. I like it." He takes care and uses all of the gifts, and if one can't be maintened or fixed if he encountered a slayer while having it around, he never throws them away. He even keep the ones he didn't really like that much. Also, unlike the other clones, he likes living things, animals and plants, alive.

You started to get him small wild animals that you release at the end of typur encounters (you don't need to spend that much time hiding them from Sekido, Karaku and Buddha forbid Urogi to find them.) You usually keep literally catching butterflies for him, he loves all of them. "It's so sad how short their life is, specially in this beautiful form. I really like them, but they deserve to at least be free in this violent world. Still, thank you for the time and the effort."

Courting is rather simple with him, as long as you treat him gently and kindly, he suits himself just fine. From time to time he is the one to take initiative and start contact. You know you did a good job the first time you had him crying in your arms, because no matter how sorrowful Aizetsu expresses he is, he doesn't cry before others. If he fears to appear weak or being berated for it, it doesn't matter, but the fact is that he trusts you.

He specially likes your baritone voice whispering against his ear as you help jim to calm down, sweet promises from your mouth. Company, stability, love, comfort, warmth and tenderness. "Most men, both demons and humans, I have met are loud and aggressive, one way or another.... you are very soft with me. I like it." He is used to be the push-over between the clones, so having you this way leaves him content.

It takes a bit over two years for the courting to end and finally marry, you already having all the blessings you need by that time. You asked if he wanted the ceremony around the year and al half of courting, but Aizetsu was afraid this interested and sweet suitor you were would become a complacent and distant husband. "I can't hurt you or kill you if you decide you already did your part, I can't even let Sekido, Karaku and Urogi do it for me. You ruined me."

He needs to be taken care of, Aizetsu is sensible and even after the wedding you must change the least possible your behavior to not scare him with the idea you will neglect him once you already get what you wanted. As you plan the ceremony you comfort him and show him you are still listening to him, you make sure all his needs are and will be met. He has become rather dependent on you and your promises, and to break them would be breaking Aizetsu's heart irreparably.

You have a peaceful wedding, with an old and slow-speaking priest that because of his age didn't even realize the situation he was in. While Aizetsu felt a bit of pity, he also felt hungry, besides you worked hard to get his taste. He is grateful and loving towards you, his now husband.

BONUS: Gifts and meals for the children!

Daki likes to eat skin, the prettiest, smoothest, cleanest, healthier and palest skin, specially from young women, hopefully ones that smell near their period. She is also very picky, one wrinckle or mole is enough to ruin all the plate for her. She also likes eyes, the left eye is always her favorite, for some reason. For the gifts, she likes expensive and beautiful clothes, make up, essentials oils and jewelry, anything else she will be throwed away.

Zohakuten is very picky as well, he eats humans he deems as bullys, but these must also have certain strengh level, be male, adults, height more than 5'5¼ and smell sweaty. Thank heavens the clones don't fuse that much, because it's so bad he NEVER eats anything else. Giving him gifts is easier, he actually likes wooden toys a lot, more drums, figures, swords, if it's made of wood he likes it. He also loves small animals, let it be miece, kitties, puppies, some snakes and lizards. He likes them alive, give him something dead and you are next.

[igotanidea]

Ambivalence: Simon "Ghost" Riley x reader (preview)

A/N: One innuendo there, but nothing explicit.

A/N 2: PLEASE send me some Ghost content (Tiktoks, fanfics, fanart, whatever, I need more background check to avoid OOC cause that would be a shame)

***

She was a spy.

A very good, skilled and - unfortunately - very flirtatious spy. Extremely good at what she was doing.

And sometimes - but obviously only sometimes - during the time of war and in need of intel, having a professional spy on the army's side might come in as a handful.

Did I mention she was a minx?

Knowing how to use her charms, her pretty smiles and her purposefully chosen words to entice, transfix, encourage and then break and get what she needed.

Any method possible. No holds barred.

Yes. That woman was definitely something else.

A fucking paradox.

Cruel, ruthless and cold.

Sweet, optimistic and cheerful.

And he hated her. With his whole being.

And every time the task force 141 were forced to work with her was the most challenging for Simon, who was purposefully keeping his distance and gritting his teeth if Y/N Y/L/N aka Enigma (that's classified) was closer then 6 ft. Being more than happy to leave her under Soap or Konig supervision, since those two seemed to be enamoured in her.

But not Simon.

No. He was focusing on his duties and not on making friends. Especially with a woman.

A freaking woman freaking helping the army.

But-

Just this one time, he was assigned to work with her. By official order.

And when duty called, he answered.

And that was how he found himself undercover, outside of some VIP club while Y/N was doing her job gathering intel on the latest 141 target.

Being her fucking bodyguard.

Watching her every move, every gesture, judging every word coming through the comms.

And his angry puffing was not helping at all.

"Could you try and be professional for once?" Y/N hissed to the comm. "Some people are actually working here!"

Spoiler alert! She hated him equally as much as he hated her. Starting from the fact he always kept his face hidden. She teased him mercilessly about possibility of him being ugly but he never took the bait. How was it possible to be this stoic and emotionless all the fucking time.

"Huh. Working." he muttered taking in her dress.

Black. Very elegant. Very revealing. With a cutout on the back and right leg and deep neckline that emphasised her breasts. An outfit that made every man in the room drool at her and - that Simon was sure of - causing a hell lot of dirty thoughts.

"You jealous or something?" she smirked

"Do you want every fucking pervert there to look at you?"

"That's kind of the point. Besides, I was ordered to dress like that. Out of every people in the world you should know the meaning of an order."

"And if they told you to spread your legs will you also agree?!" he hissed fighting the urge to either hit something or barge inside and shooting that man who just asked her to dance, letting his hands move along some parts of her body they were never supposed to wander.

To be continued...

[anniemika]

Lost and Found

Eren Jaeger x Female Reader

Chapter 11: Consequences

Chapter summary: Realizing the damage he’s caused, Eren learns about the life he has missed out on and tries to reflect on his mistakes, with a few bumps accompanying him along the way.

Chapter warnings: explicit language, aggression, mentions of blood

Words: 4.4k

Chapter 1 Chapter 3

…..

That night, Eren couldn't sleep. All he could think about was you and the encounter you two had the day before. Well, not that he spent his time thinking about much else before, but now he found someone else nestled inside his mind.. Lily. He tried to focus on a song he’d been writing for some time, go to the gym, do anything to distract himself. But no matter what he did, his mind kept coming back to the two of you.

When morning came, he realized he couldn't take it anymore. He had to see you again, talk to you, find out if what he’d been wondering about was true. He knew that it was a risk, that you might not want to see him, but he had to try. He couldn’t just go straight to your house, though. He didn’t even know if you lived there anymore.

But anyway, who would tell him anything about you? He was sure that many people were aware of what happened all those years ago, the whole ugliness of it. It wasn’t a big town, and there was no way anyone would tell him any kind of information regarding you. People loved you, and he was sure no one gave jack shit about him.

The only person that could tell him anything was his dad, although he didn’t know if you kept in touch with him after all that had happened. Nevertheless, he was going to ask.

He knew that Grisha was at work at the hospital, but he couldn’t wait a minute longer. He dialed his father’s number while nervously pacing around in his hotel room.

The moment he picked up, Eren was on it, “Hey, dad. Listen, sorry to call you at work, but I need a favor to ask.”

“Okay,” his father said, a little taken aback by the urgency in his son’s voice, “What is it?”

“I saw Y/n yesterday.”

His father went quiet, and Eren knew why. He couldn’t even imagine the shame his dad must’ve felt when it all happened.

“And I know you probably think that I shouldn’t bother her, but I really need to just talk to her. To at least have the chance to apologise properly.”

Grisha stayed silent for a little while. But then, much to Eren’s surpirse, “I think that’s a good idea.”

The younger man furrowed his brows in confusion, not expecting his father to agree so easily, “Really?”

“Yes, really. She owns a flower shop downtown. It’s on Saint John’s street, first corner on the right. It closes around 6p.m.”

Eren couldn’t believe his father was actually supporting him in this. He quickly grabbed a pen and a piece of paper to write the address on it, “Thanks, dad. I really appreciate it.”

“Be gentle with her, Eren. It’s the least you could do. That girl has gone through a lot.”

Eden nodded, even though his father couldn’t see him, “I will, I promise. Thanks again.”

In a flash, he put his phone inside his leather jacket, put his black combat boots on, tied his hair in a messy bun, and went out the door. He knew that it was probably best not to disturb you at work, but how could Eren explain to you that waiting would drive him completely nuts? How could he explain that he’d been waiting for so long, his body wouldn’t allow another minute to pass by without him taking action? His heart pounded like it wanted to jump out of his rib cage as he drove like a complete madman, acting on pure adrenaline. He knew he had to calm down before meeting you, but the emotions he felt were just too strong to hold down.

After he parked his car down the street from the given address, his eyes went to a periwinkle sign a few meters from where he was standing. “Lily’s flowers”, it read in elegant cursive writing, that drew a tiny smile across his face.

Eren couldn't believe he was actually doing this. Facing his past was something so distant before, like a dream that was never going to happen, even though he desperately wanted it too. But now, as he stood outside the shop, there was a glimmer of hope blooming inside his heart.

He took another deep breath and pushed the door open. The sweet scent of roses and lilies filled his senses as he looked around your workplace with awe. The shop was small, but cozy, with colorful bouquets arranged in vases on every surface. The walls, adorned with beautiful floral paintings, added to the ambience of the shop. They were painted in soft pastel shades, providing a soothing backdrop for the vibrant colours of the flowers. It was breathtaking.

And then, behind the counter, arranging a colourful bouquet, were you. Dressed in a simple white tee and a floral apron, you were still too beautiful to be true.

“Good morning, how can I help yo-“, when you brought your head up and saw him standing before you, your mouth fell slack.

"Hi," Eren spoke, his voice low and unsure.

He saw your face go through a few different emotions in the span of seconds, first surprise, then a mix of nervousness and vexation, "What are you doing here?"

Eren took a step closer to you, but he didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. Suddenly, a child’s giggle was heard and Lily appeared from behind you, holding a pretty flower in her hand. She ran in front of the counter, almost bumping into Eren’s leg.

"Mommy, look! It's the man from the grocery store!", the little girl exclaimed, pointing her tiny finger at him.

Eren looked down at her, a knot tying inside his throat. Now that he could really see her up close, it was undeniable. Her brown hair, her eyebrows, her radiant teal eyes.. the signs were all there, "Hi there. Lily was it?”

"Mhm!," she replied with a smile.

Eren knelt down next to her level,

“You’re as pretty as a lily, Lily.”

She let out the cutest little giggle, “That’s what my mom tells me.”

"Lily, honey, why don't you go outside and play for a bit?" You said, visibly trying to compose yourself.

“Okay. Bye.” She waved her hand at Eren, but before she could go, he stopped her.

“Just a second, Lily.” The little girl turned back to him, her eyes wide with curiosity, “How old are you?”

“I'm six and a half, but all my classmates tell me that I look smaller, and that really annoys me!”

Eren’s smile disappeared. Six and a half.. which meant-

“Go on and play, honey.” You pressed on, voice trembling.

Lily nodded and ran outside, leaving Eren alone with you and the silence.

When he rose from his position, his eyes turned to you, and when he saw the way you avoided his gaze, with tears brimming your eyes, he just knew.

"Why are you here, Eren?"

"I...I wanted to see you. I've been thinking about you a lot lately," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

“Oh,” he could hear the lump inside your throat from trying to fight the tears, “how nice of you.”

Eren cautiously moved closer to the counter,

“Do you think we could perhaps.. talk?”

Your hands were shaking, and you just hoped he wasn’t near enough so he could see them.

"Eren.. I really don’t know how you have the nerve to come here after everything.” You always knew that seeing him again would stir up old feelings that you had buried deep down, but this was too much.

Eren felt like he could let the whole world swallow him, "I.. I know."

You shared a look with him. Seeing those eyes again was like diving into a pool of memories, each one flooding back with a force that made your heart ache.

“Y/n, I'm so sorry-”

“No.” You’re quick to silence his attempt, “No, no, you can't do this right now. I'm working.”

“Please, just.. Just give me 2 minutes-”

“Two minutes!?” You raised your voice, hot tears threatening to spill again, “Two minutes.. Is that going to sum up years of.. of-”, the frustration you felt couldn’t be described with words. You were helpless, and at the same time, desperately trying to find the words. You hated how weak you looked right now.

Turning around, you tried to distract yourself by fixing the stems of a few red roses, “You should go.”

Eren didn’t know what to do. On one hand, the last thing he wanted was to upset you this much. On the other.. he needed to ask. If he didn’t do it right now, he’d probably go insane.

“Y/n..”, he said your name cautiously, “Lily.. Is she mine?”

You froze in place. You couldn’t bare to look at his face right now, or you’d probably faint, “What?”

“I'm sorry, I just really need to know. Please.” Eren thought he could go into cardiac arrest soon, “Is she mine?”

Silence fell like a heavy weight, suffocating, as if the air had been sucked out of the room, leaving a vacuum of soundlessness that pressed down on you both.

And then, with your back still turned against him, you spoke quietly, “I think you already know the answer to that.”

Seconds turn into hours, each passing moment feeling like an eternity. It was true. Hearing it from you just cemented it in stone. Lily was his.

Before Eren could open his mouth to say something, a doorbell ring was heard throughout the shop.

“Good morning!” An elderly woman greeted.

“G-good morning!” You swiftly wiped your eyes, before turning and sending a final look his way, “You have a nice day, sir.”

Eren stood there, staring at you helplessly. He knew he had to leave, but god help him, that was the last thing he wanted to do. All he wanted was to just whisk you away and talk, tell you how fucking sorry he was, how much of a piece of shit he was.

But he knew that wasn't possible right now. You were at work, and he knew he’d made it hard enough as it was. He had to go.

With a heavy heart, he turned to leave, emotions threatening to overwhelm him as he walked away. When he reached the door, he turned back to steal one last glance of you. You were talking to the older woman, happily showing her different kinds of flowers, like the previous conversation never happened.

The thought of you putting on a brave face and hiding your pain from the world, and him knowing he was the reason for that, made his heart sink with much earned guilt.

…..

Eren replayed your conversation in his mind throughout the whole day.

Over, and over, and over again.

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

He wanted to punch a wall. Or better yet, himself.

He could only imagine the hardships you must’ve gone through, raising a child alone at nineteen years old, while he was touring and drinking and living his life. A life that was definitely not worth living. Not knowing that you were pregnant.. not knowing just how much you needed him. Thinking that leaving you was the best option for you both.

Hatred. That was the feeling Eren felt for himself.

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe you’d realized that Lily didn’t need a person like him in her life. A fucking failure of a person.

Lily…

She was so beautiful. And she looked so much like him, it was insane. But her smile.. her smile was yours. So infectious, it lit up the entire room and filled his heart with warmth. Just like you did.

Eren wondered if you were ever going to smile at him like that again.

He buried his face in his hands as he laid on the uncomfortable hotel mattress. His eyes were hot with tears, and he bit his lip in an attempt to stop a sob from escaping.

What the hell was he going to do?

“Fuck you, Eren.” He cursed audibly. He needed someone to scream at him, and he needed that person to be you. He wanted you to let out all the anger and frustration he knew you were feeling towards him. He longed to hear you yell at him, to let him know just how much he had hurt you. The need to take it all in was enormous, to feel the weight of his mistakes and the suffering he had caused. Knowing it wouldn’t be easy, he was ready to face it all if it meant that there was a slight chance he could still make things right with you and Lily.

The beeping of his phone interrupted his thoughts, and he reluctantly pulled his attention away from his inner turmoil to check the notification. It was his dad. He was inviting him to dinner.

As much as Eren wanted to get a bottle of whiskey and just drawn himself in his sorrows, he knew he needed to tell Grisha what happened. He needed to tell him that he had a granddaughter, who was living just mere minutes away from him.

As he drove to his father’s house, his mind was spinning with all the possible outcomes of the impending conversation. Would his father be angry? Would he be happy? Would he even believe him? Or.. did he know already? No. He would’ve told him. There was no way he would keep that kind of information from him.

As he came closer to his old home, his anxiety only grew, but he knew that he had to push it through.

Finally, when he saw the white picket fence his father and him painted all those years ago, he inhaled deeply, and walked to the front door. Before he could knock, his father had already opened it.

“Eren,” Grisha said, a little surprised, “that was fast.”

Eren clenched his sweaty palms, “Dad, we need to talk.”

His father nodded, “We sure do.”

…..

“Made your mother’s favourite,” Grisha told his son while holding a ceramic dish with his oven mittens, positioning it at the center of the dining table. But that comment fell on deaf ears. Eren’s foot was bouncing nervously under the table, while his mind was preoccupied with how best to serve the news. With the intent to calm his nerves down, he tried to focus on the present moment.

“That looks delicious, dad.” He said, trying to sound casual, “Thanks.”

Grisha gave his son a small smile, but he could tell that something had happened today. It was written all over his face.

After plating the food, his father finally took a seat. He then positioned both elbows on the table, looking Eren straight in the eyes.

“So.. how’d it go?”

This was it. He had to tell him now.

Eren fixed his posture before clearing his throat, “Dad, I.. I have something to tell you.”

Grisha didn’t speak, hiding the lower part of his face in his hands.

“Y/n, she.. she has a kid. I suppose you already know that. I met her today.” His fingers were trembling, “Dad, that kid.. she’s mine. That’s-“, he cleared his throat again, already fighting back tears, “That’s my daughter.”

The older man’s face was unreadable, which made Eren’s heart pump even more rapidly. Bracing himself for his reaction, he watched as the older man lowered his hands, revealing an impassive expression.

“She has your mother’s eyes, don’t you think?”

The words sank in the younger man’s years, but his mind couldn’t grasp them.

And then, it dawned on him.

“Wait-“, his mouth became dry, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

His father turned his eyes on the meal in front of him, mixing it around with his fork.

“So.. you knew.” Eren’s disappointment was painted all over his face and voice.

After taking a bite of his food, Grisha looked up at his son, “Of course I knew.”

Eren’s confusion bubbled up like a boiling pot of water that was dangerously close from spilling. He couldn’t fathom how his father wouldn’t tell him as soon as he first saw him. As if there was anything more important than telling him he had a whole kid.

“Why.. why the hell didn’t you tell me?” His voice raised with every word.

“Do not curse at me, boy.” Grisha’s tone turned stern as he laid his fork beside his meal, his dark eyes fixed on his son, “You think we didn’t try to tell you? You think we didn’t blow your phone up? Guess what, you never picked up. And then,”, his voice grew quiet, “when she was born, I drove to one of your concerts. Nobody believed I was your father, but I somehow managed to persuade one of the bouncers to let me see you.”

Eren’s heart skipped beat after beat, failing to remember any of what his father was telling him.

“You told me to go away. I don’t think you could even comprehend what I was telling you. I don’t know what you were on.. but the guy I saw in that dressing room wasn’t my son.” The finality of Grisha’s words felt like a knife being stabbed inside his son’s heart, “Lily deserved better than that guy.”

The shame Eren felt was overwhelming. The need to let his anger out was so immense, his whole body began to shake. Without saying another word, he stormed out of the dining room, grabbed his keys, and left the house.

When he got inside his car, his fist repeatedly slammed against the stirring wheel.

“Fuck!”

After all this, he knew what he needed. A drink, and he needed it bad.

…..

The building of the old bar was aged and weathered, with a peeling paint and a faded sign that read “The Dusty Boot”. The windows were grimy and the door creaked as Eren pushed it open.

Inside, the room was dimly lit, and smelled of stale beer and cigarettes. The walls were lined with old photographs and memorabilia from the town’s glory days, while the bar itself was made of dark wood and looked scarred from years of use.

Still, it felt like home.

Eren sat down on one of the stools, the weight of today’s emotions pressing down on him hard. His head hurt, and he was tired, more tired than spending a whole day on stage. The bartender, an old man with a bushy white beard he remembered from years ago, approached him.

“What can I get ya, son?” He asked while his hands were busy wiping a pint glass with a cloth.

“Just a beer.”

The old man nodded and pulled out a cold bottle of beer from the fridge. He popped the cap off and placed it in front of Eren, “Tough day?”

Nodding once, he took a sip of the cold liquid. The man seemed to understand, so he just continued cleaning glasses, occasionally glancing over at him. The bar was quiet, with only a few patrons scattered around the room. Hushed old country music played in the background, adding to the calm atmosphere.

Eren drank beer after beer, trying to rid himself of some of the guilt he felt, even if only for a little bit. After a few rounds, he understood that it was a task impossible. His thoughts were like little needles prickling at his heart and brain, and the alcohol he consumed only seemed to magnify them.

He thought.. He though about so many things, and they all concerned you. He wondered about what had gone on right after he left you. How alone you must’ve felt, how betrayed. He thought about his dad, and how helpless he must’ve been, knowing you were suffering because of his son. He cursed himself inwardly for storming off earlier, but had he stayed, he would’ve probably said things he didn’t mean. Let anger out that wasn’t directed at anyone else but himself. Anger that only he deserved.

“Hey, aren’t you the singer from that band?” The bartender asked after some time, pulling Eren from his somber thoughts. Great. That was all he needed right now. Usually, he didn’t mind people asking him about his career, but tonight he was hoping to stay unbothered. “Yes you are. Eren Jaeger, was it?” The old man continued, “Grisha Jaeger’s son. Been a long time since I’ve seen you hang around here.”

“Been a long time since I’ve been home.” Eren replied, keeping his tone neutral.

“My daughter, she’s sixteen-“, the bartender continued, much to Eren’s dismay, “she’s a big fan of yours. She’d be so stoked if she knew you were here.”

Eren managed a small smile. “That’s nice to hear.”

“Hey, uh..”, the man reluctantly began, catching onto Eren’s reluctance to talk about his fame, “do you think maybe you could sign an autograph for her? If it’s not much trouble.”

Eren hesitated for a moment, but before he could agree, a voice was heard from somewhere behind him, “Now, are you sure your daughter needs an autograph from a man like him, chief?”

Eren became rooted in place as he recognised the voice of the man who was now standing inches beside him. A man with whom he once shared a friendship.

“Well, well”, there was amusement, but also hostility in his tone, “look what the cat dragged in.”

Eren swallowed another sip of his beer, then, without having much option, turned to inspect the man the voice belonged to.

Jean Kirstein. He was different than Eren’s last memories. Tall as ever, his ashy-brown hair was now slicked back and at his nape. He had a bit of a goatee, but still the same annoying smirk that Eren remembered all too well. It was a smirk that conveyed both confidence and arrogance, as if he knew something that Eren didn’t.

“Jean,” the green-eyed man nodded in greeting before turning back to his drink.

“Eren. Long time no see.” Jean sat on the stool next to him, ordering a drink of his own. “I heard you’d come back a few days ago.”

“Yeah?” Eren kept his tone casual, but guarded.

“It’s a small town. Didn’t believe it at first.” He could see Jean take a swig of his drink with the corner of his eye, “I thought “What would the great Eren Jaeger be caught doing in a place like this?” A place he so desperately wanted to run away from.”

Eren’s grip on his beer tightened, body tensing. Despite all the alcohol in his system, he managed to keep his cool, replying curtly, “I came back for personal reasons.”

Jean raised an eyebrow, ““Personal reasons?”” A patronising laugh filled the space between them, “That’s not like you. You always seemed to be running away from something.”

At that sentence, Eren shot him a sharp look. His nerves were already heightened enough today, “I’m not running away from anything.”

“Sure you’re not.” Jean brought his glass to his mouth before saying, “There probably isn’t a pregnant girl to run away from now.”

It happened in a second. Eren’s fists curled around Jean’s shirt, his stool on the ground.

His emerald eyes blazed with fury as he pulled Jean towards him, their faces inches apart. "Don't you fucking dare," he growled, "You have no idea what you're talking about."

“Hey, hey, now calm down boys!” The old barman shouted, bringing his hands in the air, “This ain’t no place for this.”

Jean's smirk disappeared as he registered the intensity in Eren's eyes. He tried to push him away, but his grip was too strong. "Let go of me, Jaeger.”

Eren's grip tightened even more, his knuckles turning white. "You don't get to bring her up like that," he gritted through his teeth.

“Oh, did you finally remember she existed?”

The final button had been pushed. Eren’s fist landed on Jean’s face with a loud thud, causing him to stumble backwards and fall off his stool. The other men in the bar gasped and murmured, some of them getting up to leave, others standing to get a better look at what was happening.

The barman rushed over to the two men, trying to separate them. "That's enough, boys! Take it outside if you have to, but not in here!"

Eren was heaving with anger, anger so radiant, it was like steam coming off of his body. His eyes were still fixed on Jean, who was now holding his bleeding nose. For a moment, the two men just glared at each other, until the taller one stood up from the ground, trying to regain his composure. Straightening his collar, he looked at the blood on his hand, a provoking smirk crossing his lips.

“You can still pack a punch, I’ll give you that.”

“Okay, you go now, come on.” The bartender tapped Eren on the shoulder, “we don’t condone that kind of behavior around here.”

“It’s alright, chief,” Jean put his hand in the air as a sign of protest, “It was my fault. I’ll be the one to leave.”

Eren’s fists were clenched so hard, his veins were visible. His head was spinning from the mix of the alcohol and the adrenaline the whole encounter brought. As he watched Jean pull out his wallet to pay for his drink, he tried to calm himself down by taking a deep breath and unclenching his fists.

“Oh.. one more thing.”

Sharp pain was felt throughout his whole left side, most notably in his eye. Eren hit the ground, his hand flying to his temple, which was now throbbing uncontrollably. His vision was blurry, the pain quickly traveling to his whole head.

“That was for her, you piece of shit.” Jean spat before he turned around to leave.

Eren tried to get up, but the pain was too severe, and the beers he’d drunk didn’t make it any easier.

It became all blurry after that. The last thing he heard were the bartender’s and his father’s muffled voices, and then a car engine starting.

But the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes.. was Lily.

And you.

And as much of a drunken fool as he was, that night, he still fell asleep with a smile on his face.

…..

A/N: Hi🥹 I can’t express to you how happy I am that there is interest in this story. This chapter was a little tough to write and I hope I did it justice as much as I could. I’m going to try and post a chapter every week or two, so stay tuned!

Ps: if you want to be tagged, just say so<3 reblogs are deeply appreciated.

Tag list:

@vlsquuu @love-is-sick @shima707 @6sakusa @p4lli @intimacywithcelestine @docufanfic @jaegersdiary @xcelestina @fvckingeetar @theforest @roronoazorosbxtchh @hannaburnout

[am30000]

42 Miles Morales x chubby female reader.

Pink is you Uncle aaron is orange and Purple is Miles

Summary: You are an obese teen girl and you met Miles, as time moved on you became friends and then his girlfriend. This is how he treats you in a relationship.

Miles is known to be stoic and rude to almost everyone, the only exceptions are his mom and his uncle. That changed when he met you. You just happened to be the new kid when he met you, the teacher introduced you and then someone straight up insulted your weight in a passive aggressive manner. While everyone laughed you laughed along with them which surprised them.

You came back with a comeback immediately which caused the person to be embarrassed and everyone to be shocked, including Miles. Miles thought you'd be like the others, all embarrassed and stuff but you quickly proved them wrong, proved him wrong. You proved that you weren't a little bitch and would fight back if irritated. This is what made Miles interested in you. You were really talkative and loved to make friends.

Everytime you'd guys had to pair up, you'd talk none stop. Eventually, you broke through Miles' tough, hard and cold exterior and became friends. Miles had soon become your bodyguard. Whenever people would insult you he would glare at them and the say something like " You wanna say that again, vato?" with a threatening aura. You'd roll your eyes and give him a look. He knows you don't like it when he protects you or whatever he calls it but he just does it anyway.

When y'all start dating everyone is surprised. They'd never thought of Miles being in a relationship because he seemed like a loner but I guess he'd prove them wrong. He'd spoil you rotten and you'd accept the gifts and get him one as well which he'd find cute but then playfully scold you because your buying him stuff and says something like " Mami, I should be the one spoiling you. Not the other way around." and you'd retort by saying " It's only fair. Plus, I won't accept the gifts you give me if I can't get something for you. Also you shouldn't be wasting your money on someone like me."

" Its my money bebe. I can do whatever I want with it. If I choose to spoil you then I will. I can't have my girl wearing clothes that I didn't buy her." " But you should spend it on someone prettier than me." "Princesa no one is prettier than you. Quien te hizo sentir así?" Miles would stare into your eyes cause he knew that if he did then you would tell him. "Everyone, I heard whispers of someone saying that I was probably just a play thing for you. Today some girls cornered me today when I was going to my locker. They said that an ugly fat girl like me shouldn't be with someone like you." Miles would immediately get angry but doesn't show it. He'd ask you to tell him who and once you did, within a week those girls didn't show up to school anymore.

Anyways, the second you begin to shame your body he'd quickly correct you saying something like " Mami your beautiful, your body is beautiful and I love both you and it." You'd get flustered and pout, still disagreeing with his claim. " Promise me not to say that about yourself." You'd promise but then secretly say it under your breath. You'd think he didn't hear but he heard every word of it. During recess he cornered you in an empty classroom. The conversation went something like this. " Didn't I tell you not to say those things about yourself? Don't lie, chica. I heard you saying that shit all day under your breath. What's up with you?"

" It's nothing babe. I think your hearing things cause I haven't said barely a word all day." " That's part of the problem chiquita. What's up with you? You've barely said a word to me and when I do hear you speak, I hear you saying all that crap about your body. Dime que pasa Carino." You knew that he'd force it out of you if you didn't tell him. " I don't know, I guess I've just been a little self conscious about my weight lately." " A little is an understatement, bebe. I told you I didn't want you to think that way. Eres perfecta tal como eres. Why can't you see that?" you'd blush and look away. " You're too sweet Miles." " I don't want you saying those things. If I catch you saying them or even hear you say that to someone then I will drag you into an empty classroom at recess and then mark my initials on your neck for everyone to see the second I'm done. Got it?" You nod and that was the end of you insulting your body in front of him.

When yall are alone Miles is touched starved. He's always had to touch you in some way. Whether his hand be on your thigh or has his arms around your waist, he'd always be touching you. You're a really good cuddler and are great at giving hugs to people who need it. When Miles gets back from whatever job he has, he calls you in the middle of the night saying he needs you. You'd have to go up to his apartment, dead ass tired, in the middle of the night, to go and see what Miles wanted. Once you got to his room he'd throw you on the bed and then collapse onto you and then hug you. You'd then understand why he called you here.

His family absolutely loves you. Rio often makes jokes about you and Miles getting married and uncle Aaron often says something like " You got a keeper Miles, Don't loose her." "I don't plan on it."

When you found out he was the prowler you weren't surprised. The conversation went something like this. " Why aren't you scared? Why aren't you surprised?" " To be honest you seem like the perfect candidate to be the prowler. Plus it explains why you got so much money to spend on me. I'm not scared because what you do as the prowler has nothing to do with me babe." " Are you gonna report me?" " Why would I? You could kill me at anytime before I got my phone out or even got to the station. But then again, you wouldn't hurt me now would you? Again, what you do in your free time isn't any of my business." " Your not mad I didn't tell you?" " No. You had your reasons to keep it from me." To say the least Miles was shocked when you showed no reaction but was happy you still loved him.

[spectre-writes]

Been a hot minute since I've written anything, so have the start of something I want to get back to (basically a 'what if Wolfwood and Meryl found Vash right after s1 end' idea).

Vash was dead. Wolfwood didn’t realise at first, because the body they found was still breathing.

There, crumpled in the center of the crater, bloodied and singed, nothing but the desolate grey of sand soft rubble in all directions, yet his chest rose and fell and when Wolfwood pressed his hand to it he could feel the weak flutter of a heartbeat beneath his shaking palm.

Meryl had cried a lot at the sight of him. He didn’t know if they were tears of relief or sorrow, wasn’t sure if it mattered either way. Wolfwood had kept his shades down to hide his own eyes and let her sob into his shirt, awkwardly patting her back, just the two of them huddled over the unconscious form of a man who had tumbled from the stratosphere like a fallen angel, like a dying star - the image of it burned into his retinas with the vibrance of the fluorescent lights that waited in his restless dreams.

It had been a long time since he’d had to comfort someone.

He’d said things like, “It’s okay.”

Little empty promises, the sort people fed orphans. But at the time, Wolfwood had kind of believed it too. Thought that if they were all still breathing, still here, that the rest would follow, that they could make it, that things would be alright if they just kept moving. They had Vash. As impossible as it seemed, he’d survived. 

Not everyone had been so lucky.

It was a long walk back out of the ruins of July - past the ashen wastes that had once been packed with the thriving, squalling mass of human life - footsteps muffled, the silence a suffocating shadow. Meryl didn’t speak. Wolfwood didn’t either. 

To call it a graveyard would be wrong - a graveyard had bodies, had markers, offerings - here it was simply empty, like God himself had reached down and carved a great welt from the earth. 

The thought that he was carrying the catalyst of that destruction in his arms was one he tried to side-step. It was hard, with the weight of a hundred thousand invisible eyes bearing down on him - the prickle of his skin, the pressure in his ears - but he had been taught well.

Wolfwood walked. One foot in front of the other, focused only on the motion, the necessity. 

Life was easier when you reduced it to simple tasks, and that was what he did. Left the crater behind. Found a car. Drove them as far as he could.

They camped out in the open desert that first night, and Wolfwood kept watch even when Meryl tried to relieve him. He knew he would find no peace in sleep, preferred the ache of exhaustion to whatever phantoms would greet him there. He didn’t think Meryl slept. He didn’t ask.

Vash rested, though it was an uneasy slumber. They’d patched his wounds as best they could - the bullet holes, the fractures, the blistered skin where it met superheated metal. The soles of his boots had melded with the underside of his feet and picking all that melted plastic off was something he chose to postpone. What mattered was that he would live, Wolfwood was sure of that… but his stillness unnerved him. 

Vash had always been a whirlwind of movement from the moment they’d met, all flailing limbs and exaggerated gestures juxtaposed with the snap quick elegance of combat… even when he dozed in the backseat of the jeep he was prone to the odd twitch or mumble. Now he was inert, an eerie stillness he had only seen once, in the aftermath of the sandsteamer, and hated all the while. It screamed wrong, wrong, wrong in the echochamber of his own mind. Reminded him of corpses he had no name for, or the soulless statues men prayed to. Form with no substance. Empty.

He wanted the vivid blue of ageless eyes to pin him in place and peel back the rough layers of his own skin, so he could behold the ugly thing that twisted inside him - call it guilt, or shame, or love, or anger, or anything he could tame. And then what? Repent? Revile?

Maybe he didn’t want that at all. 

Maybe he just wanted a cigarette.

[cosmicblogs]

Hi! Was wondering if I could request something angsty w/ Steven? Maybe a plus size!reader scenario where reader has been feeling super insecure lately and has kinda distanced themself from Steven? In their head their kinda like “Steven is way out of my league. He must be with me out of pity or something.” Reader doesn’t talk to Steven much and poor guy is so confused cause he thinks he did something wrong. Just some angst with a happy ending. Potential smut?👀 add or change anything you see fit 🙏

How could you love me?

Warning:

fat shaming, angst,fem!reader,fluff,swearing and smut, sub!reader and dom!steven.

She got out of the tube and looked up in the mirror, her body covered in droplets of water. She looked up in the mirror and felt so disgusted. She looked down and grabbed the plush of her stomach, her eyes tearing up. How could he like her when she looked like this? She never really had a problem with her body. She felt comfortable in her skin. I mean, she should, because she was the only one wearing it. She should be the only one casting judgement on it, but the mumbles and whispers of her coworkers made her want to sink to the ground. The words repeated in her head over and over made her remember the smacking of her gum and her sickening red lipstick. “Did you hear Steven has an irlfriend? I didn't think she’d be so.." "fat." Donna finished “Donna!” The snarky coworker whispered and yelled, “She’s still pretty.” The coworker finished Donna snorted back, "A pig is still a pig.” They thought she didn’t hear, but she heard, and she remembered now she was standing in front of her mirror, sobbing. Pig. They see her as a pig. Not only did they call her fat, they thought she was ugly too. How can she look the way she does? And then having Steven claim he loves or even considering her beautiful? It must be out of pity Steven was always too sweet for his own good her thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock “dove? Are you okay you’ve been in there for an hour” his voice was lace with worry “yeah I’m okay” she said back in a shaky voice she dried off her body and left the bathroom the towel tightly wrapped around her body Stevens eyes trailed down her body she walked into their shared room and changed she wore a oversized sweatshirt and pink shorts she laid down on their bed wrapping her whole body in her blanket “dove what’s wrong?” Steven asked again “why do you love me” she said sitting up “what?” Steven replied back confused “I heard people talking about me Steven and I’m starting to agree with them I’m confused on why you try and act like you love me when you could have any other woman in London,a thinner woman” she replied back with tears bubbling in her eyes steven’s face dropped in realisation “why would I want anyone else when I have you? Dove your so beautiful from the moment I first saw you I fell in love with you I don’t care if you’re thin or not either way I think you’re body is gorgeous do you want want me to show you how beautiful you are?” Stevens words had her speechless so she simply nodded “words love” he said sternly “y-yes” she replied nervously “good girl” he said he could see a slight shiver run down her spine he slightly chuckled in response “come here sweetheart” Steven said in a gentle voice her feet shuffled towards him he gently grabbed her neck and kissed her softly “so pretty” he muttered “my pretty girl” he says while gently ceasing her face with his thumb his nose touching hers not backing away his warm breath fanning her mouth he leaned closer to her lips kissing her his tongue finding hers their wet pink muscles slowly began to massage each other in a passionate kiss he rhymethicly moved his face with hers she whimpered in the kiss and Steven groaned back.

He slowly started to pull up her shirt, pausing for a minute to look at her chest. Then, with the small stretch marks painted along them, he completely took it off the piece of fabric, moving it from over her head. Once he had it completely off of her, his hand moved slowly to her soft mounds. Her breath hitched at the feeling of his callused hands and his cold fingers moving along her soft skin. The tips of his fingers found her nipples; they were already pebbled. He began to press and pull on them, making her gasp into his mouth. His mouth left hers as he travelled down her jaw, then down her neck, sucking, hickies sucking, and nipping at her skin, then licking it to soothe the love bite. He moved his mouth all the way down to her breasts, taking one of her nipples into his mouth, eagerly licking and sucking it slowly, looking up at her through his long lashes, watching her whimper and groan, his fingers playing with the other one. She gasped loudly, her head tilted back, and her thighs began to rub together to reveal the ache between her legs. His teeth lightly grazed her nipple. He watched her shiver and her eyes shoot open as her hands went into his hair, tugging slightly. He moaned at the feeling of the vibration of his moan sending more pleasure and a slight buzz in her spine.

Steven’s eyes travelled to her lower half. Her pussy was soaked, and her plush thighs had a wet sheen on them. “See dove? You look beautiful, I bearly even touched you, and your dripping to your thighs,” he gently pushed her onto the bed so that she was on her back, and he was hovering over her. He placed a gentle peck on his lips, a trail of kisses to her jaw, to her neck, then to her stomach. He stopped his kisses right under her belly button. "I want you to call yourself pretty. Can you do that for me?” He says in a breathy voice, "Steven, I-” She was about to speak, but Steven interrupted her. “If you don't, I can’t continue, baby, so can you do it for me?” Steven says, forcing her legs open, his head resting on her thigh. "I'm pretty," she said shyly. "Such a good girl, always so obedient," he says, smiling at her proudly. She looks away from him nervously. "Look at me," he commands. She moves her head and looks at him immediately. "Good girl," he coos. He slowly puts her legs over his shoulders. "Steven, stop, too heavy,” she whined. "I don’t care, come here,” he says while pulling her in closer, lowering his mouth. He licked from her clit to her entrance. He pulled away a string of slick attached to his mouth. “Fuck love, is this from kissing or me praising you?” He knew the answer was both. He gently licked at her pussy lips, then spread them apart with his fingers. He sucked on her clit. Her body squirmed, and her hands were gripping the sheets as he gently pushed his tongue into her hole. As he did that, he brought his thumb to her clit and started circling it. With her hips bucked into his mouth, he placed his arm over her hips and held her in place while he ate her cunt.

He pulled away, slowly pushing his fingers into her. She soaked them. He moved his mouth to her clit and began to suck on it. She moaned, and she could feel it vibrate throughout her whole body. He licked his thumb and moved it, placing it at her tight, perked-up hole. He started pushing in and out of both holes and licking and sucking on her clitoral area.her back arched and she screamed and her body spasmed as she came her blurry vision going white Steven could feel her cumming her cunt convulsing around his fingers leaking a sticky essence around it he pulled his fingers out licking them clean then turning back to her cunt licking the mess that remained as he slowly pulled away she was still squirming and twitching when he sat up and pulled his shirt off and started unbuckling his pants her eyes were wide as she watched him strip naked and then move back up the bed hovering over her “I’m gonna fuck you till you see what I see”.

I want him so bad I hope u enjoyed it anon. 😭

[jerzwriter]

Body Positivity:

TW: body shaming, fatphobia, skinnyphobia, eating disorders, and the like.

I'm so fucking angry and triggered right now, and I need to vent. I was at what was supposed to be a fun family event, and because I didn't want to completely blow up, I stepped outside. But I am SO PISSED that I need to get this out. While trauma dumping on a toxic website is probably not the best idea, I literally have to vent, or I'm going to explode, and I REALLY HOPE someone will read this and learn something.

I think the body positivity movement has been great—and I wish we had something like it when I was growing up because, trust, it was non-existent. But, like many things, it's great on the surface, but a certain segment has morphed it into something that is as destructive and hateful as the behaviors/actions that led to the need for such a movement.

Some background, so you understand my perspective. I've struggled with my weight my whole life. I've been everything from a size 6 to a size 22. I'm very tall, and when I was at my thinnest (mostly because I was starving myself), people came up to me constantly to tell me how amazing I looked. I'm talking friends, family, co-workers, people at the club, and strangers on the street. I was literally dangerously underweight. My family doctor, who had treated me most of my life, was begging me to get help.

I wound up getting help for what turned out to be an eating disorder and moved past that as much as I could. Since that time, my weight has fluctuated from average, to "a few extra pounds", to very overweight. While I am usually OK with myself and try to be positive about my body, it can be hard. I don't like the way I look right now, and I’m ashamed to say that because I don’t feel that way about others. Beauty is not a number or a size, and I know that, but I am my own harshest critic. It doesn’t help to have the voices of many people, people who were supposed to love me, in my head constantly at these times.

“Do you think you should wear that?”

“Oh, that dress is so becoming on you!” (Meaning: it hides some of your fat!)

Or my favorite, coming home in an outfit that I felt so good about that I thought I looked adorable in, just to have my mother (and later my husband) say something like:

"Perhaps you should retire that until you lose some weight." or "You actually went out in that?"

(PS - I am divorced and barely speak to my mother)... I'm doing so much better, but I know I'll never be 100% comfortable, and, as with most things, the voices seep in when I'm at my lowest. So I GET IT. I get it big time.

But - on to today.

We have a wedding taking place later this week, so the family has descended like the buzzing locusts they are. The ten women in the bridal party, of all shapes and sizes, are at my house for a get-together, and they began complaining about how ugly the dresses are. (They really aren't the nicest dresses.)

The eight anti-dressers were commiserating when one, we'll call her Obnoixous Bridesmaid (OB), loudly announced that another bridesmaid had to shut up and leave the conversation because she's thin (we'll call her Thin Bridesmaid—TB), and therefore has no business being there. I should point out that TB's contribution to the conversation was the dresses were cheaply made and "is so damn shiny" and, for the record, OB is not thin but not overweight.

So another bridesmaid, who is extremely close with TB, jumped in to defend OB, going on and on about how much she "hates" TB for complaining when "everything" looks good on her. TB looked like she was going to burst into tears but stayed silent. It morphed into four grown-ass women bullying TB, so I stepped in and told them all to shut the fuck up. Minutes later, TB left the room, and I found her in the bathroom in tears, saying she wanted to go home and skip the rest of the events - up to and including the wedding.

I went back to the room where the 4 were still mocking TB, and I told them I was appalled by their behavior and they could shut the fuck up and apologize, or they could leave my house. I was told I should understand because I'm a "big girl," too, and therefore should be on "their" side.

Are we fucking kidding me here?

I should point out that 3 of the 4 asshole bridesmaids are well aware that TB has dealt with a serious eating disorder that stems from being body shamed by grown-ass men in her family when she was a mere child. She's dealt with outright abuse and trauma, and they know how bad it's been. She doesn't walk around mocking other's bodies or bragging about how "good" she looks; in fact, she struggles to feel positive about her looks at all.

Body positivity should be about everyone loving their body, no matter its shape and size, and never subjecting ANYONE else to shame because of theirs. When the fuck did it became "fat chicks have to stick together and fuck them skinny bitches."

I'm so on fire I had to step away before I ended up on the evening news. On a micro-level, I'm disgusted with these people, and this has put a total damper on the wedding events this week.

But on a macro level, I have seen this time and time again. Yeah, our society is fucking horrible when it comes to how it treats fat people, especially fat women, and that should change. But it's as fucking wrong to be skinnyphobic as it is to be fatphobic. Perhaps, ESPECIALLY AS FUCKING WOMEN, we should be uplifting and supportive of one another. PERIOD. Don't we see that the obsession to be thin and eating disorders stem from the same fucking toxic place that shames fat people? That's where it is BORN.

I'm so sick of seeing this trend in everything. Every movement I'm involved with is dealing with this... YES, be proud of YOU, ESPECIALLY if you're in a marginalized or maligned group. YES! DO IT! I've got your back in every way! But don't fucking turn it into an us vs. them... even with people you supposedly love! Don't become the fucking monster you profess to hate.

Is asking for human decency really too much? I'm literally shaking.

We really, really have to do better than this.

[yourlocalmikankinnie]

Ddlc and Danganronpa Characters with a Tall S/O.

As someone who's 5'11 or so, I'm tall. And us tall people don't get as much recognition. So here y'all go!

Characters: MC, Sayori, Kokichi, Akane, Mikan, and Nagito

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

MC:

He's kinda used to tall people as he's in a club with Yuri and I'm sure some of his classmates are in fact taller than him. Does this make him embarrassed? Yes it does. But it's not in a ashamed way. He's just embarrassed since you being taller then him gives you the choice to mess with him. But sometimes he asks if you can grab something for him if he's unable to.

"hey,,,, can you help me get that? I can't reach..." "Couldn't hear you 🤭 speak up please" "I asked if you could help me 😭 I can't reach!" "Of course! 🥰"

Sayori:

She jumps on your back,demands that you carry her to school and back. She says she'll walk but she never does 💀 some days you don't mind because she has P.E but it hurts your back 💀

"Sayori. Your gonna break my back." "No I'm not! 😂" "Yes you will. I'll have the body of an old person before I'm even in my 30's 😶" "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *donkey wheeze*"

Kokichi:

This mf calls you a giraffe. He has no shame doing it either. One bitch slap from you shuts him about the giraffe comments for a while. He demands you carry him everywhere. He will cry and have a fit if you say no. Im talking crocodile tears,fake sobbing, having tantrums ect. You have to pick him up before people start looking at you like your his parent and call child services or something-

"S/O~ will you carry me? Neheheh!" "no <3." "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH YOUR SO MEANNNN *ugly fake sob* WAAAAHHHHHH" "OKAY FINE!- SHUT UP!!!!!" "Yay! Thanks Giraffe! NEHEHEHEH!" "I'll drop your ass in a river if you keep testing me today."

Akane:

She takes your height as a fucking challenge 😭. She will challenge you to a fight and beat your ass 💀. Then y'all go for food.acting like nothing happened even though everyone can clearly see you limping a bit from her beating you up 🙂 your scared of Nekomaru because he'll beat your ass way worse than Akane 😭.

"Your fine! Just walk it off." "That's easy for you to say. You didn't even get a scratch." "That's because you didn't fight back" "that's because I was taught not to hit a girl and your were beating my ass so I couldn't 😶" "well anyways, eat your food before I steal it 😊" "already ahead of you." "Also, Coach Nekomaru wanted to train with you- hey where ya going!?-" "Love you but Nekomaru will kill me!😭😭"

Mikan:

I headcanon her to be kinda tall too. Not as tall as you though. So she still would need a stool to get stuff. But because that's dangerous for her you offer to get it. She cries and thanks you so much you can't even tell what she's saying.

You sometimes put small stuff out of her reach so she'll have the courage to call you to help. But it's just stuff that she doesn't find super important. You wouldn't hid her medical stuff because why the fuck would you need to.

"ThankyouThankyouThankyouThank-" "it's okay, you don't need to thank me. I'll grab you stuff anytime!" "*Ugly sobs*" "*pat pat*"

Nagito:

He's already a simp for you. But he find your tall legs beautiful 💀 he says some poetic stuff he found in a book and then y'all eat bagels together. He always cries when you tell him he can lay in your lap. He's mentally and physically not well nor okay so you really don't mind.

"really?,, You wanna let me lay in your beautiful long legged lap? 🥺" "Yeah sure ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" "but I'm such a loser,,, you deserve a better person😭" "get over here hope weirdo 🥺🥰" "coming! 🐶"

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Hope y'all liked these 👩‍🎤

[steveisagay]

Billy's Big Decision

Metalsandwich/harringroveson

Summary: Billy shaves his hair and it marks one of the few decisions he's made for himself

Warings: swearing (duh), Billy also really loves makeup, negative self talk, his abuse, heavy mention of Billy's mom, the f slur

Billy doesn't truly remember anything. Well, he remembers Neil's abuse, he remembers the Mind Flayer, he remembers getting the whole thing explained to him, he remembers that Neil lost custody for child abuse, and he remembers Hopper legally adopting him. But he doesn't remember much from tonight. He remembers flashbacks of abuse, of how it felt to have his body hijacked. He remembers the tears burning down his face, down his cheeks and onto his hands and his mattress. He remembers walking into the bathroom, terrified and disgusted at what he saw. He saw a boy man that was beat, a faggot, worthless, good for nothing but another toy for horny mothers. He saw the mass of hair that was comparable to a lion's mane. The same hair that had attracted so many. The same hair that got him flirted with on the job. The same hair that was responsible for him ever leaving for that motel.

He knows he started sobbing, possibly even screaming, although probably not because he didn't wake anyone. He still had self-control, he knew this because he punched the counter, not the mirror. His blue eyes were surrounded by red, but that was it. That was all he really remembered.

He wasn't aware of anything leading up to that moment. The moment that froze him, the moment that reminded him he really was broken. He destroyed his best quality, he destroyed himself.

The buzzing in his hand only clicked once he realized how disheveled he looked. How bits and pieces were missing to make him look like he really was beat half-to-death. He shaved off almost all his hair. It itched as his skin where shame burned underneath. He couldn't tell who was in the mirror. Hair was stuck into his neck, into his shoulders, under his shirt and all over the floor. How bits and pieces were missing to make him look like he really was beat half-to-death. He shaved off almost all his hair. It itched as his skin where shame burned underneath. He couldn't tell who was in the mirror. Countless thoughts raced through his head. That no one would want him, that his boyfriends wouldn't want him, that he would be so ugly that not even Joyce would want him in her house anymore.

He called the only people he could. If he told Joyce and Hop without being prepared they'd hate him for sure. He didn't wanna wake up Jonathan cause he had things to do tomorrow. And he'd never want to worry the kids with his problems. He called his boyfriends.

Before Steve could even say anything he heard Billy's broken voice on the other line. "Stevie..?"

"Billy, Billy baby, what's wrong? Do you need me? Are you okay?" He quickly became panicked from the audible sobs on the other side. "Are you hurt?"

Steve swears he hears a 'no' and a 'please come over', but underneath that where sobs and hyperventilating breaths.

"It's gonna be okay B, I'll be over in five," he never wanted to hear his boyfriend sounding so hurt and scared. But there was wave of relief when he realized that this meant he was reaching out to him. "Do you want me to pick up Eddie?"

"Yeah," At least he was coherent now. Steve said a quick 'I love you' and almost tore the door off it's hinges and could barely get his key in the door. He sped over to Eddie's trailer, not bothering to knock when he got there.

He yelled out his name as he went straight to his room. "Why the hell are you here?"

"It's Billy, something's wrong." With that Eddie sat straight up, panic painting his face, quickly grabbing a pair of ripped jeans and his vest.

"Alright let's go." He said quickly, rushing through the trailer. "Steve what're you waiting for?! Our baby needs us and you're just standing there?!?"

"Yeah yeah, I just didn't expect you to be so fast."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Billy got himself off the bathroom floor after awhile. Grabbing the counter when he heard loud knocks. He opened the door, immediately being pulled into a hug by both of the other men. His tears started to soak Eddie's shirt right away. Mixxed with all sorts of emotions when Steve reached out to stroke he hair. He pulled back when he felt that most of it was buzzed.

"Who did this?" Steve asked, he seemed angry.

"I did," he paused letting the tears start to fall again, "I got upset and then..." He started shaking again as the two ushered him into the house, and to the bathroom. "I'm sorry, I-I ruined it, it's all my fault,"

"Baby, it is not your fault, if we wanna blame anyone, we can blame your shit dad." Eddie grabbed his face, "We can fix this."

"How?" Billy sounded desperate, "It's not like we can just put it back on..."

Eddie smiled looking into his eyes, grabbing the razor still covered in hair, "No, but we can still fix it."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve had started sweeping the floor while Billy was in the shower. Meanwhile Eddie was preparing only the softest blankets, easy snacks, and grabbing a new set of clothes, including a hoodie from Steve.

Billy felt a sense of relief when he ran his hands over his new buzzcut. He was free. He was a person.

When he got out of the shower Steve had handed him a towell. After drying off he went into his room, Steve following close behind so he could give him cuddles as soon as possible.

Eddie patted the space next to him on the bed and slightly moved some of the blankets. "Hey Eds?" Billy said quietly, still shaken from before.

"Yeah baby, what's up?" Eddie replied as the blond sat down in his arms, leaving room for Steve on the other side.

"Can you do my eyeliner?" He was still shaking. When he was ten, his mother would do her makeup all the time. The first time Neil ever referred to him as a faggot was when he tried on his mother's makeup for the first time. He looked like a mess, but whenever his mother put on makeup she looked pretty. His mother always said he looked pretty, his dad hated that. When he turned 12 he stole borrowed his first eyeliner. It was one of the few choices he'd made specifically for himself. It felt freeing. One day he went out to meet up with Argyle, eyeliner on, and his dad found out. He beat him and yelled at him for what seemed like hours. He didn't know exactly how bad it was to be a faggot until he was sore for the next two weeks. Since then he's collected various types of makeup, it comforts him to be pretty.

"Of course I can," Eddie reached over to the small table next to his bed where the small black stick was out. He popped off the cap and adjusted himself so he could properly apply it. He didn't do his own eyeliner that often, every once in a blue moon. But he did get practice with Billy. He watched out for if his eyelids started to flicker. Steve wrapped his arms around Billy as he pressed kisses to his neck and made sure to give him all the admiration he had.

"You're so pretty Billy," a kiss, "I love you so much," another kiss, "I am so proud of you B," he rubbed his hands up his sides, "so proud for making your own decisions."

Billy spoke without looking at him, as to not throw off Eddie, "Really?"

He could practically hear his smile, "Of course baby, you made a decision for yourself, not me, or Eddie, or your dad," he pressed another kiss to his neck, "you did it for you, and I am so proud of you."

Eddie nodded along as he finished Billy's liner, "You know what you deserve?"

"Hm?"

"You deserve to wear that cherry lipgloss you love so much." He smirked as he got up to grab the pinkish lipgloss from the blond's dresser.

"No. I only use that on special occasions." Billy said firmly, he loved that gloss, but it was special. It made him feel pretty, beautiful.

"But it is a special occasion." He pressed a kiss to his lips, then down his jaw. Then he brought his face back up, "You made an important step in being your own person."

Before Billy could get another word out the wand was being dragged along his lips. Steve continued his words of affirmation behind him. He felt pretty, he felt like himself. With him and his boyfriends, who loved him. Where it was natural to love him.

After Eddie was satisfied with the amount of gloss on his boyfriend's lips he quickly pressed another kiss to his lips.

"I'm pretty sure this is my favorite gloss too."

Steve grabbed at Billy's jaw so he could face him as well, stealing a kiss too. "I'd have to agree. Also we have the prettiest boyfriend in the world."

"Yeah, I mean with his hair buzzed I'd go as far to say he's the hottest in the world." Eddie added.

"Oh yeah," Steve agreed, "hes schmoking hot."

And like that, the three soon fell asleep. Billy's face nuzzled in Eddie's shirt, hand intertwined with Steve's as his head was in the crook of his neck. He didn't mind tonight that he fell asleep with makeup on, nor did he care that it ended up all over his amazing boyfriends.

[daughterearth]

I was in my friend's room when this person decided to "call me out" on my weight gain. In the 10 mins she lectured - telling me I was going ugly and needed shape wear and my beauty was going to waste. Telling me I need to get my slim figure back for the convocation ceremony. To start exercising so that I can shine like I did in 1st and 2nd year of med school. I still had a month! She told me.

After she left. I tried to stop but burst into tears. A strong huge wave of shame washed up on me. Everything in my psyche about being ugly and unlovable was spoken back to me. A resonance?

Little does she know. There is no way my body can stay the same as it was when I was 18-19 to when im 24. I had an eating disorder those years. I was underweight. I counted the calories of each morsel I ate. And I fantasised about food and I feared it at the same time. I was so fucking depressed I wanted to kill myself. I injured my coccyx because of being underweight. Eating made me sick. And water retention made me look normal. She knows nothing about my immune system was so weak that I caught COVID 3 times and I was so physically and mentally exhausted.

I was a people pleasure. Had tonnes of childhood trauma I never mentioned. I was anxious as hell. I had no self esteem and thought that I had to work myself to the bone to be worthy of it. Yes, I looked whatever she defines as good to wanted to kill myself. I hated myself so much during that time.

I sat there crying while my friend had to run and errand and my mum called. Somehow she was this and was so kind and loving to tell me that when we love people we really don't look at what they look like or how much they weigh. She asked me if I could ever think of saying these things to anybody and I knew I could never.

I'm really grateful for having my body. She is beautiful and gorgeous and a good person. Many days when I'm lying in bed, I hold her and think - what a gift. She breathes, she thinks. She has hunger and satisfaction. She also feels love and rage and powerful and vulnerable. She has my laugh and my eyes and my hair. She wants to live and really love and be loved. She's beautiful. I know her because I live in her.

I'm sorry to anybody who has ever been made to feel less. I'm sorry to anybody who was just looking for a kind word and a loving hand. It's a miracle we are alive. It's a miracle that we can love and hurt and grow. I don't know how but I genuinely hope that you find in yourself a home to feel safe and to be belonging to it. I hope you feel deeply connected to this wisdom that is innate. I hope you take every step to deeply love yourself and anchor in yourself. And I hope we all go home just to find it was us all along.

[likes-words-and-shrimp]

Colette loses her life at the Tower of Salvation.

I am just always thinking about Colette's psyche and how much she internalized her worth as only a commodity to save the world since she was a child, and how almost literally everyone enabled this thinking to such a damaging point, that she goes through with her sacrifice. Even Lloyd does this to some degree, that the Chosen will save the world, until he realizes what that actually means. (This got kinda long so the rest is under a cut).

Colette, at one point refers to herself as a creature, and that she wasn't even considered human. She's the offspring of an angel, and her role is to go save the world when she reaches a suitable age, to never be seen again. Almost everyone believed this, including herself.

She's been told time and time again that the world would be better once she's gone, and she believes that too. Because no one in her family, in her church, or in her village tells her otherwise. People cared about her, but for many, their belief in that she needed to fulfill the role she was born for superseded anything else.

Raine is her teacher and protects her, but she's essentially walking her to her death, and feels guilt as she does so. Genis accepts this too, and even tries to stop Lloyd from going to Colette, saying what else could they do? Lloyd is the only one to counter this, once he starts to understand just what being an angel does to her. And he tries so hard to, but he doesn't save her.

Maybe to some people it seems like she made the choice to go to the tower? But it's motivated by years of conditioning, of people telling her she's not human, that she has no other role than this. It’s not really a choice if you feel there isn’t any other choice at all.

Lloyd begging her to not go is him trying to break through over a decade of that conditioning, of that internalization that she’s not meant to keep living. He tries, and he fails. He may have rescued her body afterwards? But he failed in actually saving Colette herself.

Colette does want to save the world, but it's at the cost of losing herself. Selfish to think that, selfish to want there to be another way. Even when Lloyd is the only voice to tell her it's okay to want to live, it doesn't get through to her. The damage done to her is too much.

And even after she comes back, that decade of conditioning, of not seeing herself as human still shadows her. Her body gets covered in crystal, and she think it's a punishment, that it's a symbol of the weakness in her. She can't even say out loud yet that she wants to stay living.

Lloyd is the only voice, at least at the beginning, to tell her that it is okay for her to feel otherwise. It takes so long to break through her, she goes through so much struggle over it until the reveal of her shame and failure makes her collapse. She finally breaks down.

And Lloyd still going to her and saying that the crystal on her skin isn't ugly is what sends her into such disbelief. The only person to keep seeing her, to keep wanting her around. But that's the moment when it changes to how much she can say she wants to live.

Like when she's kidnapped by Zelos and calls out to Lloyd? She's finally letting herself do so, letting herself be selfish and call out to the one person who has been supporting her time and again. She no longer feels she has no choice but to die.

Her trauma is something that can be easily missed, because of her constant need to keep up a positive attitude, brushing off any hurt she sustains. But the people of Sylvarant called her a failure and blamed her for Palmacosta’s destruction, (even shown in Dawn of the New World). I really believe Colette is one of the most deeply traumatized characters in Symphonia, who loses her life at the tower, and Lloyd never gets to save her from that moment.

But the ending with her and Lloyd at the Tree, at the prospect of new life, and that she witnesses the birth of a name, really shows hope not only for the world, but for her as well. She’s seeing the growth of life before her, and she is able to do so without needing to die. Like the tree, she needed love and admiration from another to thrive.

[sar-kay]

Is being skinny worth it ?

To that one skinny friend who always complains about not being able to get fatter. She finally succed but freaked out, saying she wanted to go back, when she realised she has the same weight as me,

To that one skinny hot girl I saw get so much attention even tho she's a bitch, to the boy who respectfuly obssesed over her for years, to the boys who would listen to her for hours, to the social opportunity it's giving her,

To my family who never missed an opportunity to comment about my food, to them who would applause me for eating so much when I was yougner but told me straight i had an fat ass when it started to show on my grown body, to them saying i should stop wearing thight clothes bc my fat shows, went mad at me bc I couldn't bring myself to do sport, then congrats me when i lost weigh then told me i should eat more,

To my boyfriend, a living thinspo, who is always simping for the tall skinny girls or for himself, for congratuling me when I lose weight while telling me he'd be sad if i'd lost my tummy, while calling my thights ugly bc the fat is falling, while reminding me my neck is getting thicker, while a tiny waist is the first thing he notices on people (obvio he's lying ab my body). To him telling me I'm too heavy for him to lift, or i'm the fatest of his exes, to him looking so uncomfortable when he tries to compliment me,

To every classmate being irremediably kinder to the pretty girls, to all their love stories being with the stereotypical hotties, to them treating me like 'one of the boys' and talking about fucking them in front of me, (i didn't want to know that), to every human noticing pretty girls (yes they're skinny) and remembering them as pretty/hot women, giving them fucking free respect,

To every women telling me they wish they'd be skinnier, putting effort into it but failling, crying when they gain weight, for praising the skinny girls, to women braging about their fast metabolism, laughing at thick girls, shaming girls for gainging weight, shaming morbid obese poeple like it's not a fcking deasese,

To the hope of a better life when i'm skinny, to easier social life, to people dreaming about me while i don't even know their names, to my boyfriend liking me and to my friend reminding me i'm skinny in everyway they can, to my family congratulating me, to opportunities opening up, to people listenning to me, to younger me who tried so hard to go away from thoses stereotypical ways of thinking but made me pay the price, i want the weight drop to be a symptom of life getting better, i want to be better

It is worth it

[dailymobpsychodrabbles]

hello! could you write a terumob confession from mob? thank you!

this accidentally turned into a total beast and i am so sorry... i was a man possessed

Word count: 4.2k

Pairing: terumob

Tags: requited crush, confessions, friends to lovers, misunderstandings, post canon

Settling back into normalcy has been surprisingly easy. Six months go by, then a year, and it’s as if nothing major ever happened in Seasoning City. Pedestrians bustle along the streets that had once been cracked wide open like a gaping maw. Old businesses shut down, new businesses open, new hangout spots for Shigeo’s classmates pop up around town. There’s still lulls in the school day where Shigeo stares out the window and wishes for time to pass just a bit quicker.

Shigeo appreciates it. Change is terrifying. It took time to stop getting so nervous calling Tsubomi on the phone to ask her about her day, just as friends. It took even longer to stop feeling nauseous when he passed Spirits and Such on the way home from school and didn't go inside for his old part-time job. 

There is one change he couldn’t help but notice. One that’s been consuming his every waking moment for some time now. 

Teru.

It’s difficult to pinpoint when exactly the shift began. If Shigeo allows himself to consider the timeline, he thinks it may have been as far back as the first time he visited Hanazawa in the hospital right after… 

(Everything. After Shigeo hurt so many people. After Shigeo opened his eyes and realized he could be so much more, that he had only been a fraction of what he really was.)

–

Seeing Hanazawa in a hospital bed, his hair shaved close to his head and his arms and legs mottled with ugly bruises and scrapes, had been hard. His friend was staring out the hospital window when he heard Shigeo’s footsteps and turned to him with a grin. Hanazawa raised one hand in a wave, and Shigeo stared stared stared at the bandages spanning from his forearm all the way down to the tips of his fingers. He looked more like a mummy than he did the boy Shigeo trusted most in the world. His friend noticed his wide-eyed look and lowered his arm sheepishly.

“Third degree burns,” Hanazawa explained, looking down at his hands as they plucked at the sheet covering his lower body. “You don’t need to worry, Kageyama-kun. They don’t really hurt anymore with the pain medications. There’s just some itching and-”

The flowers in his hands dropped to the ground, and Shigeo threw himself at his friend with a strangled sob. His arms looped around Hanazawa’s body, and he hid his face in his shoulder. Hanazawa’s hands come up to rub his back, but all Shigeo can think about is how weak he seems, how the gown hanging off one shoulder smells like cleaning products and paper. And he feels such an overwhelming sense of…

Shame. He was so ashamed. Hanazawa had been prepared to do anything to help him, and Shigeo had almost killed him. Well, sure, it hadn’t really been him, but… but it had been, hadn’t it? Some dormant part of himself lying in wait like a predator hiding in the brush stalking its prey. 

“I hurt you,” Shigeo whispered. Tears fall from his eyes and stain the thin, billowy gown. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Hanazawa hugged him tighter for one long moment before gently pushing Shigeo’s shoulders. Shigeo sniffled and wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. He couldn’t look Hanazawa in the eye. Shigeo expected to be ridiculed, called a maniac for what he did to Hanazawa, told to leave and never come back. And he would deserve every single word thrown his way.

But Hanazawa used a thumb to brush away tears gathering on his cheek. “We all make mistakes, Kageyama-kun,” he said. Shigeo risked a glance, and Hanazawa met his gaze with a sad smile. “The person who hurt me wasn’t you, was it? So don’t worry. I’ve already forgiven you.”

Shigeo managed a shaky smile back, and Hanazawa leaned forward so their foreheads touched. 

He ended up spending the night in the hospital, Hanazawa convincing the nurses with a pout and puppy dog eyes that his visitor was essential to his healing process. Shigeo squeezed onto the hospital bed beside him so they could watch reruns of terrible sitcoms on the outdated little TV hanging in the corner of the room. To fit them both, Shigeo had his head on Hanazawa’s shoulder on their shared pillow, and their legs were a tangled mess. 

They’re in the middle of a particularly awful episode of some show about friends who don’t really seem to like each other when Hanazawa elbowed him softly in the side. Shigeo blinked a few times as he came back to the present and looked at Hanazawa. 

His friend looked… nervous? Eyebrows drawn together as he glanced away from Shigeo, teeth gnawing on the inside of his cheek. The heart monitor he was hooked up to picked up speed. Beep, beep, beep. “Kageyama-kun, I…” Hanazawa swallowed thickly. “I want you to know you’re the most important person in my life.” Shigeo watched as his gaze flickered across the room and settled on anything but Shigeo. “I really like you. I think you’re a wonderful person, and I-I care about you a lot. More than normal friends do, I think. And… I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but-”

“I feel the same,” Shigeo replied. They were best friends, weren’t they? Of course things were different between them than with Shigeo and his other friends. 

Relief washed over Hanazawa’s features like floodwaters. “You do?” Shigeo nodded once. “Oh, then…” Hanazawa laughed once. “That’s a relief. I was scared you were going to reject me.”

Huh? Why would Shigeo ever do that? “Of course not. I’d never even consider doing that.”

Hanazawa settled back down. The EKG died down to something calmer that could be tuned out as background noise. “Thank you, Kageyama-kun. That means a lot to me.” 

He was all smiles the rest of the night, even when the nurses had to draw his blood and Shigeo almost threw up in the trash can. Shigeo eventually mentioned sleep, and Hanazawa cuddled close to him in the hospital bed. His friend’s head rested on his chest. The top of his shaved head tickled Shigeo’s face, but Shigeo set his cheek down on it regardless. His arms wrapped around Hanazawa as his friend drifted off to sleep. 

“I like you,” Hanazawa murmured, words slurred together. Shigeo thought the nurse must have turned up his IV drip, because he’d been especially touchy for the past few minutes as he grew more and more loopy.

“I like you too,” Shigeo replied. 

He wondered if Ritsu was ever this open about his feelings with his friends. Or Tome. Perhaps he’d ask them later. 

–

Yes, that must have been the start.

Afterwards, Hanazawa- Teru, his friend had insisted Shigeo start calling him- constantly invited Shigeo out for different outings: going to the movies, grabbing a bite to eat at one of the restaurants between their schools, hanging out at Shigeo’s. It was a bit of a leap considering they only occasionally met up before, but Shigeo welcomed the additional meetings. After all, it was nice to be around Teru. He was always very optimistic and said kind things to Shigeo that no one else ever did. 

The hand holding came a bit later, for the first time when they were looking at a Christmas display in a store window. Teru’s gloved hand wrapped around Shigeo’s and squeezed, and Shigeo turned to look at Teru curiously. But his friend seemed captivated by the twinkling lights and the moving parts. His cheeks were pink, but it was pretty cold outside. Shigeo told him to wrap his scarf tighter around his face, and Teru only smiled in response.

The kissing came next. Teru liked to grab Shigeo by the arm and kiss his cheek, his forehead, his temple. It was nice. His lips were soft, and it always left a pleasant warmth against his skin. 

“Are you guys… together?” Tome asked when Teru pecked Shigeo on the cheek before helping Reigen file away some paperwork. Her eyebrows were raised, the straw of her soda hanging out her mouth.

Shigeo looked over at Teru as he held a file Reigen was looking for over his head with his powers. “Stupid fucking… Tsuya said it would be right here…” Teru’s stoic expression was cracking as Reigen checked the trash bin, checked under his desk, even looked in the potted plant. He noticed Shigeo watching and grinned, putting a finger up to his lips. 

“What do you mean?” Shigeo went back to doing his homework. “Hey, did you have Saito-sensei last year? Do you remember this concept?”

Tome didn’t answer for a long time. Shigeo thought maybe she was trying to remember her previous teachers, but did it really take that long? Eventually Shigeo looked up at her curiously. Tome’s mouth hung open, eyes huge. 

“Huh?” She looked at Teru, then at Shigeo, then back at Teru again. “What do I mean-?”

“Stop interrogating him, Tome-chan,” Serizawa piped up as he walked through the door. “He has to figure things out on his own.” He looked up at the file floating in midair and sighed, a fond expression taking over his face. “Teru-”

“Hmm?” The blond flicked off his powers, and the file hit Reigen square in the back as he was knelt down peering under the chairs. Reigen let out a startled oof. 

Shigeo frowned as Reigen grabbed his file and started arguing with Teru, gesturing wildly and calling him a menace, and he wants Reigen to go insane at the ripe old age of 30, doesn’t he? Teru snickered and danced away from Reigen’s hands, ending up behind Shigeo’s chair.

What did that mean? Figure things out on his own? Teru leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek, and Shigeo leaned into it as he thought to himself. Hasn’t he always been figuring things out on his own? Figure out what?

–

Shigeo might not have known how exactly the escalation began, but he did know the crescendo. 

“And you just let her do it?” Teru said, a smile already starting to form on his face. He liked all of Shigeo’s stories, no matter how boring they might be. Teru would always give his full attention, his eyes on Shigeo even though he knew Shigeo didn’t really like eye contact (but Teru insisted he didn’t mind and that Shigeo could do whatever was most comfortable).

He nodded. “Yeah, there was no stopping Tome-chan. She spent 2500 yen just for a bowlful of wasabi that Reigen-san would take one bite of, but she insisted it was worth it.” 

Teru snorted. “Was it?” 

“I would think so.” Shigeo tapped his chin in thought. “She put in chocolate chips and everything so it would look like ice cream, and he didn’t even give it a second thought. I’ve never seen him make that sort of expression.” He hadn’t been there, but Tome had made sure to record it with her phone and send the video to Shigeo. He’s still not sure how Serizawa convinced Reigen not to fire her on the spot. Although, it probably didn’t take a whole lot of convincing. Reigen is kind-hearted in his own way.

“Do you still have the video?”

“Oh, sure.” 

They paused in the middle of the sidewalk and moved to the side, close to where the path splits off into a park. The flowers are starting to open their petals to the warm spring air, and the cherry blossoms overhead only have a few weeks left before they start to bloom. Soon, the park will be a hotspot during the afternoons. 

Teru huddled close to Shigeo to watch the clip on his phone. It was blurry from Tome’s giggling fit shaking her whole body, but it’s hard to miss Reigen’s expression as he took a bite of what he assumed to be mint chip ice cream but was really a heaping spoonful of wasabi. Reigen’s face twists up, and there’s shouting in the background from Serizawa. 

“Pfft-” Teru covered his mouth, and Shigeo turned to smile at his reaction to the video.

But…

Teru’s hand dropped from his face and threw his head back as laughter overtook him. His nose scrunched up with the width of his grin, his shoulders trembled, one hand reached out to grab Shigeo’s arm to hold himself up. The sound is wonderful in a way Shigeo had never really noticed before. Like a song you’ve heard a hundred times, but only just start to pick out the instruments when you listen a hundred and one times. Shigeo… 

Shigeo loved it. He loved Teru’s laughter, and he loved that Teru leaned on him for support as he giggled and snorted, and he loved that Teru’s hand was still holding his tightly, and he loved…

He loved Teru.

The cherry blossoms overhead explode into bloom. Green buds turn pink, turn white, and open into big, beautiful flowers in the span of a second. Behind them, the little blooms that were still trying to learn how to be flowers grow a few inches and blossom into perfect splashes of color that paint the ground in reds and pinks and oranges.

“Oh, Shige,” Teru looked up in surprise. “Was that you?” He was still smiling. “That’s amazing! I didn’t know you could do that!” 

Shigeo could only stare at him in horror. He loved him. He loved his best friend. Teru, who had done nothing but support him from the moment they started to see eye to eye. Who was there through all the good days and the bad, who would help Shigeo in the blink of an eye if Shigeo were to just say the word. He loved him so much. 

It almost hurt. It was different from the gentle, fond feeling that would overtake him with Tsubomi. No, this was… it was all encompassing. It was terrifying in ways Shigeo couldn’t even begin to understand. 

Teru was saying his name and shaking his arm insistently. “Shige.” How long had he been trying to get Shigeo’s attention? “Shigeo. Is everything okay?” Concern was written on his face. The smile was long gone, replaced by furrowed brows and wide eyes. 

“Uh… huh?” Shigeo managed. Were Teru’s eyes always so blue? Like the sky after storm clouds have cleared away and everything seemed more colorful than it used to be-

“You dropped your phone.” Teru held out Shigeo’s phone in his hand. 

Talking to Teru was suddenly the most difficult thing Shigeo ever had to do. Has he always been so handsome? Was it always so hard to meet his eyes? “Th-Thank you.” Shigeo’s hand was shaking as he took his phone back and stuffed it into his pocket, not even bothering to check for any scratches. 

“You’re… you’re sure you’re fine?” Teru still looked worried. He was going to find out. He was going to know. Shigeo had to keep acting normal. Like he hadn’t just had a life-altering epiphany in the middle of their walk to his house from a cheap ramen place.

“Mmhm.” Shigeo wanted to throw up. But there weren’t any trash cans around, so he swallowed the bile rising in his throat. “I- um, T-Teru, perhaps we should… keep going?” He tugged Teru’s hand in the right direction. Oh, no, his palm is probably so clammy in Teru’s. Shigeo wanted to pull away and wipe his hands off on his pants, but would that just make it more obvious? Would Teru think he was disgusting? What if-

“Oh, okay, Shige.” Teru pressed a kiss to the side of Shigeo’s head, and it takes a very concentrated effort to keep his aura from flaring up around him and blowing the leaves and flowers off the cherry blossoms. “Come on. It isn’t too far now.” 

Shigeo stared down at his feet as he followed along beside Teru, lagging a little bit behind. What was he supposed to do? How would Teru react? His mouth was drawn in a straight line, but it wavered as he thought about the possibility of Teru rejecting him. No, that couldn’t happen. Shigeo wouldn’t know what to do with himself if it did.

He didn’t notice the bushes bursting with flowers behind him, nor did he see the wildflowers sprouting up from the cracks in the sidewalk wherever he stepped. 

And Shigeo didn’t realize Teru was noticing them. It was hard not to when every single cherry blossom they passed under suddenly sprung to life and blew pink and white petals onto the ground below. 

–

Shigeo knows he has to tell Teru, though. They’re best friends. He’s confided in him with all his secrets, his concerns, his aspirations since… everything, and this was the biggest secret/concern/aspiration of them all.

He waits until Teru is over at his house on a rainy day. His friend brought a few movies to watch and a box of stovetop popcorn for them to pop. Shigeo’s parents are out for the day, and Ritsu is over at Takenaka’s house. They have the whole space to themselves, which is… terrifying. Shigeo is grateful that he doesn’t need to worry about interruptions, but he’s even more worried he has no one to fall back on if he messes everything up. He could always call Ritsu, but… 

Shigeo really needs to do this. For his sake. For Teru’s sake.

Rain patters lightly against the window. The living room is dark from the gathering storm clouds outside combined with all of the lights being turned off. For ambience, Teru had insisted. Shigeo agreed because he likes to please Teru more than he cares about the lights being on or off.

Teru is curled up beside him on the couch, legs spread to the side and his head on Shigeo’s shoulder. The bowl of popcorn sits between them, half gone from Teru’s constant snacking. Shigeo has been too nervous to even think about eating. The last thing he needs to do is barf in the middle of confessing to Teru.

Speaking of which…

“T-Teru?” Shigeo manages weakly, voice an octave higher than it should be. Teru tips his head back and looks up at Shigeo. “Do you think we, um, we could maybe pause the movie for a second?”

His friend sits up quickly, reaching for the remote to stop in the middle of an intimate scene between the main characters. “Do you not like it?” Teru asks, turning to Shigeo with a frown. “We can switch it out, I don’t mind-”

“It’s not that!” Shigeo blurts a little too quickly. Teru’s mouth snaps shut, and Shigeo feels horrible for raising his voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, um, I didn’t-”

“Then what’s wrong, Shige?” Teru interrupts. He gently takes Shigeo’s hands in his own. “You’ve been acting off for a while now. Is… Is there something bothering you?” Teru rubs his thumb along Shigeo’s knuckles. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

Anything? Shigeo swallows the lump in his throat and looks off to the side. He focuses on anything but Teru’s face. “I…” His eyes land on the bag of candy they haven’t opened yet. Shigeo pointedly stares at the happy cartoon character advertising the chocolates instead.

He just needs to get it over with. Rip the bandaid off, right? Shigeo can’t go years without saying something- not again. He might go insane. 

“Teru, I have… very strong feelings for you,” Shigeo starts off, voice wavering.

“Oh, Shigeo, I-”

“Wait, please let me finish.” Teru stops, and Shigeo nods once in thanks. “I… I think very highly of you. You’ve been a- um, a wonderful friend to me, and I can never thank you enough for your support. But I…”

He risks a glance up and immediately regrets it. Teru’s face is screwed up in confusion, a wrinkle between his brow and his eyes wide. But it was a little too late to go back now.

“I like you more than just a friend. I think I have for…” Shigeo looks away. “For a while now. I know it-it’s sudden and things don’t need to change between us-”

“Shige.”

“Please, one moment. Things don’t need to change, but I understand if you don’t feel the same way. I just hope we can still remain friends-”

“Shige, listen-”

“I’m almost done.” Shigeo squirms uncomfortably. “But I-I think you’re very, um… very pretty- err, handsome, and you always make me really happy, but regardless I’m okay with whatever you decide-”

“Shigeo. Stop talking.” Shigeo is too stunned to keep going. Teru is never so demanding. He gulps once more and hesitantly looks up, glancing at Teru from behind his bangs-

And Teru doesn’t look… mad. More than anything, he looks utterly lost. 

“Shigeo,” Teru starts slowly, “what do you think we’ve been this whole time?” 

Shigeo blinks a few times. What they’ve been? What was that supposed to mean? “Friends?” He frowns. Now Shigeo was confused. “Are-Are we not friends?” 

Teru opens his mouth. Then closes it. Then looks off to the side for a long moment. 

“What I told you in the hospital,” Teru begins once more, “you remember that, don’t you?”

“Um, yes.” What did that have to do with anything?

“When I told you I really liked you.”

“Uh huh.”

“And that I care about you more than a friend.”

Shigeo doesn’t see where this is going. “Okay?” 

Teru shakes his head. He’s starting to get frustrated, and Shigeo feels terrible for it. He wants to understand. He doesn’t like being in the dark. “What did you think I meant by that?” 

“I thought that…” Shigeo honestly doesn’t know. He assumed Teru was being kind, like the times he would call Shigeo amazing or say he’s handsome. They’d gone through a lot, and Shigeo had thought Teru was trying to make sure they were still friends. “I thought you were being friendly.”

“Friendly-” Teru’s hands leave Shigeo’s and puts his head in his hands. “Oh, oh my God-” 

“Are we not friends?” Shigeo asks again, growing more and more nervous. Is he missing something? He thought that they were okay. Teru always wants to hang out, and they do everything together now. Was that not-

“Shigeo, I meant I like you as in- like, like like.” 

“Like like,” Shigeo echoes.

“I had a crush on you Shigeo,” Teru finally says. “I have a crush. I thought you did too! I-I thought we were dating.” 

Oh.

Oh. 

The hand holding, the kissing, the sleeping over all the time, the good morning and good night texts. Those were…

“Oh,” Shigeo mumbles. 

“Yeah.” Teru laughs once, sadly. “Oh.”

They sit in silence for a long moment before Shigeo can think of what to say. “You have a crush on me?”

“Yes!” Teru’s hands drop from his face. His cheeks are bright red, a stark contrast from the blue of his eyes. “That’s- We hold hands! I kiss you! What did you think I was doing?” 

Shigeo chews the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. Well, now he isn’t really sure what he had been thinking. That Teru was just affectionate? It hadn’t been the biggest stretch, but… maybe it had been? Ritsu never held hands or kissed his friends. Tome certainly never held Shigeo’s hand or kissed him. 

He has to figure things out on his own.

Wait. Did everyone else know, too? 

Teru leans against the back of the couch and groans, tipping his head back so it hands over the cushions. “God, I…” He wrinkles his nose. “I thought you just wanted to take things slow. Did you hate it all this time?”

“No,” Shigeo says. Teru exhales, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

He thought he had prepared for everything, but… not this. How was Shigeo supposed to know he was confessing to his boyfriend?

“Are you angry?” Shigeo asks quietly. He… he doesn’t want Teru to be angry. They haven’t had any fights since the first time they met, since Teru tried to stop Shigeo from himself. The thought is terrifying. 

Teru tilts his head to the side so he can meet Shigeo’s gaze. He manages a smile. “No, not at you. At myself.” Teru adjusts how he’s sitting so his whole body is turned towards Shigeo. “I should have been more clear. I just feel silly.” 

“You aren’t silly.” Shigeo matches how he’s sitting. Their knees brush together, and Teru glances down at them. Hesitantly, Shigeo reaches out and takes Teru’s hand in his own. They’ve held hands hundreds of times, but this feels so… different. Teru squeezes Shigeo’s hand tightly. 

Well, Shigeo did still have one more question.

“So, are we boyfriends?” Shigeo asks. 

Teru bites his bottom lip. “Do you want to be boyfriends?” 

Shigeo feels his face flush at the thought. Teru’s boyfriend… It has a nice ring to it. The idea of belonging to someone makes his heart flutter in his chest. He’s not sure what exactly will change with the title, but he’s happy to find out if it means he’s with Teru. 

(It’s a good change, he thinks.)

“Yes,” Shigeo answers. “Do you?”

Teru starts to smile again. “Yes.” 

Shigeo can’t help but smile back. Boyfriends. “Is it alright if we kiss?” 

“Yes, of course it is, Shige.” 

Teru cups the side of Shigeo’s face and leans in, and Shigeo decides he likes change.