#like you wrote something deep

[mollysunder]

Sky and Viktor's relationship is such a horror movie to me. You've got a man who was frustrated by the limitations placed on his life that were out of his control, like his class, mobility, and general health. Despite everything, he manages to rise beyond his station and avoid being an assistant for the rest of his life.

Then you've got a woman from the same background who admires him and all that he's accomplished in spite of the similar class based prejudices they faced all the while she's his assistant. She works up the courage to take leap of faith and reach out to him with her own research to show what's possible if they worked together as equals. And then he gets her killed!

Sky's death isn't the end of it because while it affects Viktor it is in no way meaningful to Sky's life or value as a person whatsoever. Even the pendant he wears in her memory is based on the design of her notebook, but that was just her notebook's cover, she probably bought it from a store and the design itself is probably mass produced. Why not use Sky's signature that was in her letter and in the notebook, the thing part if the notebook with real value?

Then Sky's brought back in s2 and she really only exists to be Viktor's assistant again, who he kills, again! But this time it's different because this time Viktor's making a conscious decision to look Sky in the eye and kill her... to prove he's changed.

In the middle of all this, in no way has Sky's death been mourned by her family or anyone else who could have known her. Jayce wasn't affected by the reveal, he didn't think it was important to tell Heimerdinger, or anyone who knew her. Nothing about her life, death, or disappearance has spurred any emotional reaction or even curiosity about what happened to her.

Sky's new life was also extremely isolated because she became further tied to him (in some ways you could say she was defined by him). Viktor never mentioned Sky to anyone in the material plane during his commune arc, so she only exists to him and she has no way to communicate with others, she's just there for Viktor's sake.

Then in the finale we learn this all a part of a big time loop where Viktor actively set the wheels in motion to have him and Jayce create hextech together, but if everything follows as is, that means Sky is violently killed in those timelines too. That means Viktor weighed the costs and decided over and over and over again that Sky was expendable enough to let her die for his plan to work eventually. How is that not murder at this point?

What's worse is that post-finale Sky's humanity is a point of dispute amongst the fandom, the VAs, and the writers themselves. Sky's the hexcore manipulating Viktor. No, Sky's a manifestion of Viktor's guilt. No, she's actually supposed to represent his humanity/conscious made physical. And in none of these arguments do they discuss Sky as a person, she's just an object meant to serve Viktor both in the narrative sense and literal sense as his assistant.

The most absolutely maddening part is that with Viktor's new bio on the League site, not only have most traces of Viktor had been scrubbed by Piltover's archive, but Sky's life has been completely wiped. Her death was implied to have been swept under the rug, and only described as the "loss of life" consequence from his Hexcore experiment.

Viktor was afraid of dying a senseless death (created by the conditions Piltover condemned his birth to) in obscurity and then he turned it into Sky's destiny.

[starryeyedstray]

"Why did you leave Connor behind to die?" Nines questioned. His eyes narrowed with barely disguised anger. Voice low to avoid disturbing Connor who was in emergency stasis in the other room.

"We didn't leave him behind. He chose to stay behind so we could escape," Markus retorted. "Look, Nines, I don't know what preconceptions you have of me, but I want to make one thing abundantly clear. I care about Connor, too."

"You left him to face dozen of armed guards alone."

"I didn't ask Connor to stay behind. Connor asked me to trust him to take care of it. So I did. I trust Connor's judgement. He's done the impossible on multiple occasions every since the day he deviated those androids at Cyberlife Tower. So if he insists, I will trust his decision. I wouldn't have left him alone otherwise."

Nines stilled as he processed what Markus was saying. He had assumed that Markus had placed more value in his life over Connor's. But it seems that wasn't the case. His and Markus' perception of Connor just differed.

To Markus and the other Jericho leaders, Connor was Cyberlife's (formerly) newest and most advanced android. He was the unkillable deviant hunter. The deviant that always accomplished his mission. They didn't see Connor the way Nines did.

Connor was all of those things: capable and efficient. But he was also reckless to a fault. Willing to sacrifice himself over and over for the sake of the mission. Overly confident in his abilities. Always assuming he can beat the statistical odds and succeed even if there is a 99% chance of failure.

The problem wasn't that they didn't care about Connor. The problem was they trusted him too much.

sorry just had to get this lil brain worm out of my head. i have rk1700 on the mind and thinking about nines just being overly protective of connor. i headcanon that the jericrew's perception of connor is that he's ultra capable so he doesn't need protecting. i mean he literally infiltrated cyberlife alone and succeeded. ofc they assume if he says he can do something that he'll do it. meanwhile, nines knows connor's limitations and his recklessness. nines considers the rk800 line much more fragile when compared to the rk900 so he takes it upon himself to protect connor himself since the jericrew thinks he doesn't needs it and connor sure as hell isn't gonna ask for it. anyway, hope you liked my rambling.

[popatochisssp]

Hey! I'm not sure if the first one I sent went through so I'm sorry for the potentially repeat ask, but how comfortable would you be with people getting a tattoo that references a fic? Sorry if this is weird, feel free to say fuck no don't get the tattoo!!

Oh wow, that's not a question I ever expected to get!

I guess my only caveat/concern would be if it's from a fic I haven't finished, if just for your own sake--because what if I don't finish it, or it ends up going in a direction you don't enjoy, and then you'd have to deal with that on your body...? 🤔

But that aside, if the fic or a specific line or whatever about something I've written has resonated with you meaningfully enough that you want to tattoo something in reference to it, I think I'd just be deeply flattered, blown away even!

[rose-void-789]

When you immediately fall inlove with a pairing but the show is from 10 years ago and you don't wanna get spoil so you gotta start from the oldest fanfics and work your way up cause you you can't risk it and it is an experience. Just like all the little choices people made and how the fandom evolve its like seeing an ant colony building up there fandom from above all these little experiences it's so fun.

[fisheadz]

A bit of a rundown for the Still Wakes The Cordyceps AU plot line. Ain’t no way I’m making any multi-chapter fic out of this one, and if I do then people are legally obliged to yell at me. Spoilers for both games/show, and @milestonekestrel inspired the AU. Plus, this has Caz Survives elements, sooooo. :P.

• outbreak day happens, and the McLeary family, along with family friends Roy and Billy try to escape their town, which is falling into chaos.

• they get stopped by a soldier in the outskirts, and are almost all killed by him. He’s killed, but not before he manages to kill Cait and Maidie.

• Billy is blamed, due to either getting the guard’s attention in the first place, or failing to save the girls some way or another. He and them go their separate ways. (After getting his shit clobbered by Guess Who).

• many years later, Caz and Suze have separated. He goes to stay in Beira D, one of the QZs, and she runs off to join the Fireflies, eventually settling down in a little survivor settlement (either Jackson, or something else SWTD related).

• Roy and Caz go to "have a chat" with a supplier that screwed them over. Afterwards, they come across Rennick, a Firefly leader. He’s injured, and has a "product" that needs to be smuggled to a group outside of the QZ. Roy and Caz agree on the condition that Rennick gets them back the stuff the supplier sold.

• only, said "product" is actually a man. A very, suspiciously familiar man. Yup. It’s Billy Fuckoff Chamberlain. He’s chained to a wall heater, his arm in a sling and he’s also giving off some very Not Doing So Good vibes.

• Caz is not amused and wants to call it off, but Roy has infinitely more sympathy, and convinces Caz to go through with it. They need their stuff to make it to Suze, after all.

• and so, they start their journey to get out of Beira D and into the open, fucked world. There’s some hiccups along the way, including Caz beating a guy to death and almost getting shot by patrolling Cadal soldiers, but other than all of… that, things go smooth enough.

• then, they find out why exactly Billy is being smuggled by the Fireflies. He’s infected… but immune. A while ago, his arm was torn up by an Infected, and while his friend and totes not crush Kieran turned, he didn’t. He was found by Rennick’s group, and now he’s being sent off to a lab to try and make a cure.

• of course, this sets Caz off again, and he’s SO ready to just fuck right back off to Beira D, but he did already kill a bunch of people getting out of it, and they’ve gotten this far, so why turn back now when they’re so close? Roy tells him as much, and they continue on, a bit more weary of their old "friend".

• they reach an Infected-infested museum, and while they’re sneaking through it, there’s a fight. Roy gets bit, but he doesn’t tell anyone. They’re almost there, and, well, he wasn’t going to last much longer in the End Of The World, either way. They could only give away so much for his insulin.

• they reach the meeting spot… only to find that all of the Fireflies have died, via infection and infighting due to the paranoia.

• Roy is devastated. Getting Billy to the Fireflies was supposed to save everybody, and now the group that was supposed to take him were all dead. During his subsequent breakdown, Caz discovers that he’s bit.

• Roy makes Caz promise to get Billy to the Firefly lab, and evek though Caz doesn’t believe in the so called "cure", he agrees. Roy stays behind to give them time to escape the Cadal soldiers that had followed them there, and Caz and Billy officially set off on their cross-country journey. What could go wrong?

• Caz takes them to a small town a couple miles away from the QZ, where an old smuggler friend of his and Roy’s lived. Well, "lived" is a strong word. More like "holed-up".

• after they dodged all of his traps and the Infected lurking around the outskirts of his base, Innes finds them, and agrees to help them fix up his truck, and take some of his supplies to last them the trip.

• it’s not that easy, though. There’s a lot of setbacks and a lot more sneaking, running, and killing, but they eventually find a truck that’s actually salvageable. They also find Innes’ old partner, Muir. He had been infected, and took the easy way out.

• it’s clear that the sight hurt him, but Innes wasn’t about to stop now. They get the vehicle running, and manage to escape the hoard. Outside of the town, Innes gives them his half-hearted well-wishes, and then Caz and Billy are off.

• they take the truck as far as they can, and make good distance. Until they drive into a bigger city, and encounter a group of scavengers.

• the truck is fucked. They’re stuck sneaking through the city on foot, trying to avoid the scavengers that had overthrown the Cadal base there. The scavengers are relentless, though.

• thankfully, they’re saved by two men, Brodie and Raffs. The two are like father and son, separated from their own group and also trying to get out of the city. So, they all agree to work together, and figure out the next step once they’re in relative safety. (It’s the apocalypse. There is no safety.)

• escaping the scavengers is taxing, and scary, and very annoying, but they make it out. There’s one scare, where Caz nearly drowns in the river, but Brodie is able to get him out and keep him alive. Typical Brodie activities.

• they find a secret little community, that had lived in the sewers outside of the city. Unfortunately, though, it’s clear that no one has been there in a long, long time. Instead, the underground settlement is infested with Infected. Unable to go back, the only way for Caz, Billy, Brodie and Raffs to leave, is to go through.

• they find children, or at least the ones that got the easy way out. They’re stalked by Infected, and eventually, they make it out, and into the suburbs. There, they find more notes from the person who started the community, a woman named Finlay. She and a few others had escaped the sewers, and were out there somewhere.

• when they were almost home free, the scavengers find them yet again, as well as a hoard. They fight them off, with Caz providing backup from afar, and they get away!

• not before Raffs is bit, though. Billy finds out, and tries to use his blood to cure him. The next morning, however, he turns, and Brodie is forced to kill him to save Billy. Distraught, he follows his son a moment later.

• it’s a horrible experience, but Caz and Billy move on. Finally, they make it to the forest surrounding the settlement Suze is at.

• She is surprised, but overall happy to see that Caz is safe. Despite the bad note they left on, it’s clear that they still loved each other, no matter what. Billy, on the other hand, is not as welcome. Caz’s plan was to have Suze send Billy off with some former Fireflies, since she was one herself, and knew where the lab was. She refuses, not wanting to risk lives for Billy. Especially after losing some of her friends to a raid.

• Billy overhears this, and runs off. Suze and Caz go to find him, but first find a bunch of raiders. After they’re dealt with, they find Billy in an old farmhouse. They have a talk, him and Caz, that ends with Billy telling him that he loves him and Suze, Caz telling him that he would never love him back. This… does not go over well for any of them, but they have the raiders to worry about, at the moment.

• in the end, Caz and Billy leave to find the lab, Caz having decided that maybe he went a bit too far, and should make up for it by being nice to his old friend and taking him the rest of the way. Suze stays because she’s an important member of the settlement, but not before she tells them both to get their asses back afterwards.

• on horseback, they reach the college where the lab is, and also find more Infected. The worst thing, however, is that the lab is abandoned. They moved shop to a hospital miles away, after some escaped experiments left the place too dangerous to hang around. To make things even worse, the fucking scavs are back.

• Caz is injured. Bad. Like, high chance he won’t recover or walk ever again, bad. Capital B Bad. It’s winter by now, and with no sign of Caz getting better, Billy is getting desperate.

• so, when a man named Bernard and his goonie friend take the deer that HE took down, and offer anything in exchange for it, he jumps on the opportunity to get Caz the much needed medicine for his - more human - infection.

• as soon as they’re alone, Bernard drops a bomb on Billy: the scavs at the college, weren’t scavs. They were part of Bernard’s community (even Billy can tell that it’s actually a cult, from context clues alone), and the survivors had reported that they were all killed by a man matching Billy’s description, and a short, cunty bastard with a beanie.

• Bernard says he isn’t mad, even stops his goonie friend from shooting him. All he wants, is for Billy to tell them where Caz is. See, Bernard believes that Caz made Billy do those things, due to his bum arm and Caz’s general bossiness. He even wants Billy to join his cult, because he likes his vibe. Billy properly tells him to go get fucked, and his mother as well, before taking off with the medicine. Caz may be an asshole, but he’s Billy’s asshole friend.

• after giving Caz the medicine, he finds out that he was followed, and goes to lure them away from the basement where they were holed up. That’s doesn’t really go very well.

• Billy wakes up to a cannibal live presentation, and after breaking Bernard’s finger while the bastard is trying to butter him up with "community" and "love" and "safety", is almost chopped up to be tonight’s venison stew. He’s saved by the bite marks on his arm. He bites Bernard, making the man believe he’s infected… not for long, but long enough for Billy to escape into the town, and the snowstorm.

• meanwhile, Caz is busy a mile away with torturing and killing some of Bernard’s cultists. He gets a location and books it, killing every fucker that doesn’t have Billy’s stupid face along the way.

• Billy kills a few guys, more out of a craving for vengeance than anything else (Caz’s winning personality is totally rubbing off on him) and, inevitably, gets trapped in the burning diner with Bernard.

• Bernard tries to kill him, hurting his arm even more and is thankfully not as much of a fucking freak as some of his alternate universe counterparts, but he’s still awful and able to get under Billy’s skin with horrible words and accusations.

• by the time Caz finds the burning building, Bernard no longer has any semblance of a face. He catches Billy stumbling out, and there’s a whole reunion, with Billy an absolute mess of blood and gore and tears, and Caz is no better. Through the storm, you can just faintly hear a cartoony "mwah <3". Heart included.

• fast forward many, many days, and they reach the hospital. And are immediately knocked the fuck out by patrolling Fireflies. Caz just cannot stop adding to his concussion collection.

• he wakes up, and Rennick is there, healed and well. And then he says some shit like “you don’t have to worry about him anymore” and “your stuff that we promised you is in your brand new Chevy Tahoe”.

• so, Caz kills a bunch more people, and finds Billy on the operating table, about to have his brain cut out to have a 3% chance of finding some sort of miracle cure. He kills the shit out of the lead surgeon, traumatizes all the nurses, and runs out with Billy.

• before leaving, Rennick tries to stop him. He says they can still fix this, as long as he leaves Billy, and just drives away. Then, when Caz shoots him, he says it’ll all be okay as long as Caz lets him live. Then, when Caz shoots him again, he says… nothing, because he’s dead.

• when Billy wakes up, Caz lies. He tells him that, there was no cure. The Fireflies all died in a hoard attack, and they just barely made it out alive. No, Rennick did not survive. Yes, there was absolutely no way anyone could’ve been saved. No, he’s not lying, what kinda asshole do you take me for?

• they make it back to the settlement with Caz sporting a brand new Shit Leg and Billy’s arm and mental health about 50% worse than it was at the beginning, and meet the leaders Trots and Simon, who welcome them with open arms. Suze is ecstatic, and Caz admits that he and Billy are in love, and she decides "huh. That sounds nice, scoot over I want a spot in this not-quite-situationship" and they live happily ever after.

• for now :>. Until I play the TLOU pt2. Maybe I won’t, all I hear is that it sucks ass and that you’re better off with just your imagination. But I will. Someday. Cos I wanna.

• …I’m gonna regret, aren’t I?

[hopecomesbacktolife]

honestly… the feeling in these moments… nothing else is like it truly…

“..impossible.”

“Théoden king stands alone.”

“Not alone. Rohirrim!”

[arundolyn]

man. whenever i see someone discussing it/talking about liking it i feel myself Wanting to like. respect? extreme horror as a genre. more than i do. and i think my problem boils down to like. some of the places these things go.. you need to be a damn good writer, and you kinda need to make it have a Point or a Reason at least somewhat. you gotta be able to suspend your disbelief. that doesn't go any different for any flavor of horror than any other type of nonfiction writing tbh and in my opinion is generally harder to pull off. what happens does, in context, need to at least kinda sorta make a little bit of sense in some way and not be happening Just Because. and because of the rarity and stigma of extreme horror its less likely to qualify well for either of the above and just ends up attracting people who want to write some Really out there shit and get upset when they get justified critique from readers (usually people who bought their book and Enjoy extreme horror!) and always want to couch it like they're being oppressed for Writing which is a super disingenuous way to put it

[lookthetart]

Receiving a compliment from a man you're not attracted to while you're feeling kinda ugly must be the straw that breaks the camel's back

[arielluva]

does anyone know how on earth you're supposed to write a story youve had for like 7 years from the ground up without incorporating any of its past story beats.

bc ive been thinking about what used to be my main story but i feel like it might be unsalvagable in its current state (which is an attempt of fixing what i originally wrote when i was 13) and i feel like i might have to kill my darlings the whole thing and start over. i just have no idea how to go about separating these characters from their old plot and setting, they're so intertwined in my head 😭

[itstimeforstarwars]

I have a friend irl who is also a mutual on my main blog and whenever we get together he is like "sorry this is really embarrassing but this is something I'm really into rn" and then shows me some shit I put on his dash 72 times in the last month. Lmao. I got you into this hellhole and you don't even realize it.

[toastedsmoreo]

I gotta be less terminally online bc every time I think about jjk’s ending I get annoyed

[helianskies]

ugly maths.

i hate maths, right. i don't usually like numbers, and if i do like numbers it's gotta be an 8 or a 48 and nothing else.

thing is, i've recently caught myself doing maths again. ugly maths. the kind of maths that, really, i've been trying to avoid as much as possible because, well, it's ugly!

you... wanna see?

okay, fine... but don't say i didn't warn you!

ugly, see? look at all those numbers! not a 48 in sight!

huh? what's that? you don't see what i'm on about? oh... oh! hang on, lemme just—

better? yes? no? no? okay, what if i—

mmh, yes. ugly numbers. see it now? can you see why they're ugly?

here, i can make it worse.

these numbers are ugly. the maths they make me do is ugly.

now i'll level with you: the worst ones by far are the yellow numbers. the maths they make me do it the ugliest.

why ugly?

because it makes me ugly.

those numbers turn me into not only a suddenly number-obsessed fool, but a fool who also cannot understand these numbers and what they mean and why i feel like they reflect on me and my ability.

87, 75.

the thoughts are as follows:

• the orange numbers are big, so why are you being ugly about the yellow ones? you should be happy with what you have. so many nice big numbers! not everyone receives that.

• is it that there are two different audiences for these two different fics? perhaps. they are quite different works, with different appeals, and different themes. maybe you are reading too much into it.

• why are you obsessing over numbers anyway? you don't like maths! you left maths behind when you were 16, put it down!

okay, okay, fine! i'll put the maths down. right here, in fact!:

that 87 was an 83 at the start of the year. the 6161 it is attached to was a 5453.

4, 708.

ugly maths.

the 75 is a nice number. in fact, compared to 87, it is beautiful, radiant, enchanting. at the start of the year, 75 was 48. wow. now that is one sexy number!

27.

mmmm.

6161, 1061.

5100.

87, 75.

12.

mmmm.

you know, my most favourite comment left recently on a fic of mine was 2 characters long: :(

it made me :)

well, actually, it made me >:) because it was left in response, presumably, to one of the key scenes in a new chapter which left the exact impression on someone that i hoped it would.

they must be the only one who reacted like that, though.

1.

have i mentioned that that 87 and 75 include author responses?

i won't try to do more maths, there. it might not end well for me. the maths is making me tired enough as it is, and i have an early start tomorrow.

oh! but, that being said, i have another set of ugly numbers to show you, so keep 87 and 75 in mind.

ready?

838, 245.

(want a hint? the green numbers!)

838, 87. 245, 75.

9.6, 3.3.

ugly maths. it's ugly again, see? i don't like it. i'm seeing numbers within numbers within numbers, and i can't seem to stop!

the numbers make me ask new questions:

• why is it not good enough?

• people seem to engage more with one fic over the other, so shouldn't you prioritise?

• is all this maths this really good for you?

no, it isn't.

i want to avoid ugly maths. ugly maths makes me want to tear my hair out. it makes me want to start from scratch. it makes me want to grab someone and scream. it makes me want to cry and press a button that has tempted me many times before when the numbers become too ugly to bear.

ugly maths turn me into an ugly person.

ugly maths make me obsessive, paranoid, anxious, regretful, vindictive, spiteful, alone.

i hate maths. i hate numbers, just like, it feels, the numbers hate me.

[longagoitwastuesday]

Gushing about Gojo and Megumi and how they are or could have been everything to me I forgot to mention that I really really really love Yuuji. Like, a lot

[machiavelli]

there was too much frociaggine going on under Federico IIº😔

[maranull]

anyway, "Don't like, don't read" also applies to works you find cringe and/or bad

[temperate-rainforest]

,

making this one binary. no ghost agnosticism allowed. but explain the nuances in the tags if you want.