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unprofessional-bard · 4 years

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Chapter 3 - To Have and to Hold

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

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Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Warnings: Depressive episodes + some suicidal thoughts... mostly angst but some fluff?? :")

Summary: The reader gets better and better each day, fitting better into her new life in Jackson, while Joel and Ellie continue their journey. The reader, after over five months, is greeted by unexpected visitors during patrol one day.

Word Count: 6.034. Grab a snack maybe?

Author's Note: As I mentioned in the previous chapter, I don't have PTSD or depression, but I do a lot of research about these mental illnesses before I write; once more, my last wish is to offend any of you, so my deepest apologies if I do! ! I do hope you like it!

Enjoy!

"(Y/N), you up?" You heard Tommy's voice as he and Maria peeked into the room.

"Thanks to you, yes." The edges of your lips turned up, eyes still closed.

"You've been asleep for almost five hours, we got worried." Maria said. "Tommy wanted to talk to you."

You opened your eyes, watched Maria leave and Tommy sit on a chair beside your bed: "How you doin'?"

"No nightmares," You sighed and pulled yourself up and leaned your back on the wall. "The bed was pretty comfortable, I'd say my body's rested at least. You found Ellie?"

"Yeah, about that," Tommy scratched the back of his head. "We found her, she's alright but..."

It turned out that Ellie and Joel had been on the road for awhile and that Joel and Tess were tasked with carrying her across the country because she was a potential cure, a way to save humankind. Joel apparently wanted Tommy to take her to the Fireflies and convinced him to do so too, but just after they found Ellie and brought her back to town, Joel had a change of mind and took off with Ellie to Salt Lake City. You felt sick again, finding out that Ellie was immune and she was gone now, without saying a goodbye. You zoned out and stared at your hands resting on your lap.

"But uh, Maria arranged a house for you," Tommy smiled softly.

You nodded, still feeling numb and shocked: "Appreciate it..."

Tommy reached out and gave a firm squeeze to your shoulder: "They're going to be okay, (Y/N)... Now Maria told me what kind of a bond you shared with Ellie and I know you're upset, but she's capable of taking care of herself. Now Joel, much of an asshole he is- he's going to protect Ellie and they're gonna be just fine. They'll be back, don't you worry."

You nodded again and looked at him when he told you to get up so he can show you around and to your new house.

It had been so long since you'd seen lights and so many people together, people who didn't attack or yell orders at each other. They were just happy, minding their own businesses and, according to Tommy, headed to the 'theatre'. But for some reason you couldn't truly feel happy about it- getting a random headache instead. You could really use another nap right now.

"Here you go," Tommy led you to a small, cabin-like house. There was a salon and a kitchen to the left, and a bathroom and small living room to the right and right across the hallway, a bedroom; there was also a small balcony and garden connected to the bedroom. You couldn't have asked for anything more from neither Maria nor Tommy. "Take a bath and get rid of your clothes - Maria got you some new ones. We're going to have dinner in an hour or so, I'll send a guy to pick you up. That okay?"

"Yeah," you sucked your lips in and sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself. "Thank you Tommy. Really-"

"Don't mention it," Tommy patted your arm. "Think of this as a repayment from that last time, or just... humanly behaviour, you choose."

You sighed and felt your eyes water again, quickly wiping it with your palm.

"I'll leave you to it," Tommy said and walked away. You gulped and let out a shaky breath, entering your new house and closing the door. You walked around slowly, taking short looks at the rooms as you approached your new bedroom. Maria had left a pair of jeans, which at first looked too small for you, a black undershirt with black, normal panties along with a dark red, turtleneck sweater. They smelled as if they were fresh out of a washing machine. You dropped your backpack on the floor next to your bed, then lurked back to the bathroom to start the water.

You came back to the bedroom to take out some stuff from your backpack when you noticed a note left on the bed next to the sweater:

Hey! I hope these clothes are okay. Neither of us knew what size you wear, so I took a few guesses and, if they don't fit you or if they're too warm/cold, just let me or Tommy know and I'll try to find something else for you. You can put your dirty clothes in the bin outside the entrance, someone will come and pick them up. I hope you like it here :)

Maria

You smiled briefly, then picked up the gas lamp on your nightstand (which worked with a candle) and put the note under it. Your fingertips lingered on the lamp as you felt a great amount of guilt and grief settle in you. I don't deserve this, you thought to yourself and bit your bottom lip to stop it from quivering.

Too much to think about...

Too many people to grieve...

You almost forgot about the bathtub and went back to the bathroom, to find it almost completely filled. You saw a pink soap at the edge of the bathtub which you didn't notice- or forgot? Whatever, there was a goddamn soap you could clean yourself with.

You took off your clothes and threw them into a pile and slowly dipped yourself in the warm water, sighing at the contact. Dry blood immediately changed the colour of the water a little but you couldn't bring yourself to wash your body just yet. Instead, you pulled your legs to your chest, wrapped your arms around them and placed your chin on your knees. This gave you a moment to think: To think about everything you've done, everything you've seen, everything you've been through; Why me? I don't deserve this. were the only words echoing through your mind, convinced that you truly didn't deserve to be alive. Your chest felt really tight all of a sudden and you forced yourself to calm down again, only to remember that you can cry, sob, whine and grieve your loved ones now. You were safe and sound, no one was around and you didn't have to stay strong for anyone anymore. You could put your guard down and be fragile, like a porcelain doll.

Tears began streaming down your face.

You closed your eyes tightly, pulled your knees closer and held your arms tighter as you bewailed; like you'd simply die if you dared hold it in any longer.

Felicity... Kurt... Maxim... Amanda... Robin and Cole...

They deserve this- they deserve a good life, I don't.

I let them down, get them all killed and get a fucking reward for it? Unbelievable.

Your fingers brushed your hair back as you cried and whined, leaning back on the wall to your right. You covered your face with both of your hands, dry blood around your body dissolving into the water in the meanwhile.

You had no idea how long you'd been crying, but you immediately stopped when there was a knock on the door.

"(Y/N), sorry to bother you," It was Maria. "I brought you some shoes, socks and some other stuff I thought you might need."

Your chin trembled as you panicked in the tub, water now cold: "I- I'm in the bath right now!"

"Okay, I'll just-" You heard the door open after you noticed how your voice cracked. "I'm leaving these here... are you alright?"

"Yeah," you nodded, wiping your tears aimlessly. "Is someone gonna come grab me for dinner or are you it?"

"Oh, no, there's still less than half an hour. I'll send someone when the time comes, don't worry."

"Okay- erm, thank you," You replied and she left with a sincere not a problem.

You started washing yourself with the soap, which felt really nice. You were actually going to smell nice for a change. It took you around ten minutes to wash yourself whole. Although you were still hurt and sad, Maria's brief presence had unintentionally calmed you down and you convinced yourself that it was enough for one day. You now had the rest of your life set in front of you, you could practically grieve whenever you wanted, right?

You dried yourself with the towels beside the sink, wrapping your head with one of them as you got dressed. Your wrists were healed for the most part, leaving behind marks which would be the reminder of your survival, but they didn't sting anymore. Now you had to worry about your waist which surprisingly didn't hurt as much. Probably because of the proper treatment and medicine you were provided with.

The weather was cold and the day was going darker by the minute. You put on every piece of clothing that were given to you, grabbing the stuff Maria left for you off the ground and finally dropping on the bed, laying down on your back, arms spread across the mattress. You suddenly had this terrible feeling that you were going to have trouble sleeping alone at night: Back in your FEDRA days, you always shared a bunk or a room with your teammates, always slept around a fire together when you were out of the base. There was always someone with you, which made you sleep better even in your worst days. Before you came here, you didn't have your friends but you had Ellie... and Joel.

Oh how you had missed them already.

The worst part was, you almost didn't know anybody here. Tommy was the closest person you could call a friend and you didn't even want to talk about Maria. As sincere as she was, you got to know her just today. You felt uncomfortable sharing your story with her, you knew you'd feel even more uncomfortable when it came to sharing your emotions.

You didn't realise a few tears had forced their way out of your closed eyelids and down your face until there was a knock on your door.

"Uh, hello? Maria sent me to come and get you..." You heard a deep voice laced with a southern accent, which reminded you of Joel's a little but it wasn't as heavy as his.

"Yup, coming," you huffed and got up, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hands.

You were really torn between wanting to be alone and wanting company, so you decided to let other people take over.

You also grabbed Kurt's knife before you went to the door, just in case.

"Uh, hi there," The man greeted you. You felt like you'd seen him before but you weren't sure. He was tall and slender, a lot taller than you were; he had dark red, wavy hair and green eyes, freckles splattered around his face and forearms. Looking into more detail, he had a tall, turn-up nose, light facial hair and lips which reminded you of a model's - they weren't chapped and they were quite plump. His cheeks and nose were reddened, probably because of the cold but his lips had a natural redness to them.

"Hi," you sighed, taken aback. "I'm, uh, (Y/N)."

"I know. I'm Walt," He smiled softly and handed a piece of cloth over to you. "Maria told me she didn't have a jacket with a hood, that I should bring this so you could cover your hair."

It was a slouch beanie with a pompom attached to it. Your face scrunched up, you never thought you'd be wearing these and you didn't want to, but your hair was wet and you really weren't in the mood to add more to your headache.

"Uh, thank you." You muttered awkwardly and put the beanie on.

"Here," Walt reached out for the beanie, making you flinch. "It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you..." He smiled sincerely and adjusted the beanie. "Better. Shall we?"

"Let's," you sighed, not really knowing what to say to him. He was quite handsome, you were expecting someone old and grumpy to come get you, not a cute guy with-

Cute?!

Goddammit.

"It's nice to see a new face," Walt commented, putting his hands in his jean's pockets. "Maria told me you were spec ops- I never thought I'd meet another outside a QZ."

You halted and looked at him: "You're spec ops too?"

"Yup, that's why she sent me, thought maybe you'd need someone who relates to you?" Walt explained. He visibly tensed when you didn't respond: "I'm sorry, was I too forward?"

"Oh- not at all, I'm just surprised is all. Where did you come from?" You asked as you two kept walking.

"I was born in Denver, grew up and enlisted there too. I served under FEDRA in Denver for a few years before being sent to Boston... What a pain in the ass."

"Yeah, I was in Boston for- ever. I knew I'd seen you somewhere." You sniffed and tried to smile.

"Boston was hell," He groaned. "We were new and there was this team, they were looking for new recruits and I wanted to sign up, I don't know what I was thinking but..."

"Oh," you sighed loudly, looking at the ground. "I know, some stupid sonofabitch named Gabe 'bought' his way in."

"You were at the training too?" Walt asked, surprised.

"I..." You tried to speak and get over with it, but decided to take your time. "I was uh, I was the team's leader."

This time Walt stopped: "Get outta town."

"I'm serious," you gave him an apologetic smile, reaching for your knife in your pocket slowly.

"I'm- I'm sorry," he let out an awkward laugh. "I thought you were the person who picked the new recruit, I might have cursed a little too much behind your back."

This time you laughed too, relaxing: "Oh it's fine. They never really liked me at the Boston QZ, I do have a fair share of curses on my behalf."

Just when the both of you chuckled, Maria opened the door. When did you even arrive?

"Perfect timing!" She smiled. "We were just about to eat, come in."

"After you," Walt took a step behind and motioned for you to go in. You smiled and walked in, Maria sending a quick wink your way before Walt could see and you just rolled your eyes.

There was a big table and three men sat around it, Tommy across them. They were filling their plates with, by god, delicious looking food. Tommy waved at you and you smiled as the three of you sat down around the table, Maria at your right and Walt on your left.

"This is (Y/N)," Tommy introduced you. "(Y/N), these men are the leads of our patrol. I wanted you to meet them because I reckoned you might wanna do patrols, is that okay?"

"Well," you sighed. "I know a couple of more things other than how to shoot a gun, y'know."

"That so?" Tommy grinned. "If you wanna do something else, that's fine. But I still want you to get to know them. You already met Walt, but not sure if you remember him..."

Eugene Linden. Of course you remembered him.

"Eugene?" Your eyes widened.

"Hi there, commander," he tipped an invisible hat your way and smiled.

"Goddamn," you sighed with a grin and chuckled. Then, simultaneously: "Still not dead, huh?"

Eugene and Tommy were absolutely despised and were the talk of the base when you were sent to Denver for duty. You had mixed feelings toward them at first -well, you were sent to kill them after all- but not because you followed orders blindly, because of the attacks and the terror caused by them. They were reckless and they killed civilians, you weren't sure if they were the promise keeping type.

You were outnumbered and genuinely scared that you may not get to see another day (not that you wanted to anyway) so you changed tactics and surrendered. You promised them that you'd help them escape FEDRA in return of your team's and civilian safety. They kept their promise but a few months later, both of them left the Fireflies and you were sent back to Boston. You never saw either again until now.

A night went by with no stressing out over when or how you were going to be attacked. You already made 'friends' with the lead patrol men: All of them were army men, Walt being the only spec ops. You already knew Eugene and Tommy and were now acquainted with Walt and Maria. The other men, Robert and Bruce seemed to like you too; Robert was around Eugene's age, you assumed as he looked a little old but Bruce was around your age, maybe younger.

Tommy walked you back home, as much as Maria secretly tried to make Walt your escort, you didn't mind him.

"How are you liking it so far?" Tommy started as soon as you were outside and on the way back to your house.

"I- I absolutely have no words, Tommy. I can't thank you both enough, I guess I owe you one?"

"Stop with that nonsense," Tommy chuckled. "Those days are over, you're not a FEDRA puppet and I'm not a 'terrorist' anymore... Those days are behind us. Let's focus on what we have now."

"You're right," you nodded, stuffing your hands in your pockets. "It's just- I want you to know how grateful I am for the both of you... I don't deserve this, you know?"

Tommy gave you a worried look when your voice wavered a little: "'Course you do, don't say that stuff now..."

Tommy turned to you under a streetlight and held your shoulders: "You deserve this more than anyone, (Y/N). Joel told me about what happened to your team and I am truly sorry for that-" You sniffed and tried to hold back your tears to no avail. "Hey, hey, it's alright... Look, even without after everything you've gone through, you deserve this. Everyone stuck in this world survivin' does."

"But I'm the reason they're dead!" You sobbed: "If I was faster, none of them would've been captured! If I had been more careful-!"

"(Y/N)!" Tommy shook you. "None of that was your fault, you hear me? I know you think it is but it ain't. I'm sure that if they could, they'd be the ones to give you this life. You were a good leader, you treated them kindly and helped everyone out- even your enemies. I know that as much as you want to trade places with them... what's happened, happened. It's gonna take some time, but you're gonna have to come to terms with it and move on. One way or another."

"I know," you whimpered. "I know but, I never had the time to... I didn't even get to bury them. They're out there, rotting in an old building and I'm here, eating actual food and taking a bath. With a soap."

"Well, if that's what you're worrying about," Tommy dropped his hands to his sides and began walking with a grin. "I can assure you they're in a far better place right now than you could ever be, alive."

You stared at him walk away slowly and let his words sink in. He was right, they no longer had to deal with the bullshit this world had to offer anymore. They were properly resting now.

Although it was a nice first night you spent there and as much as Tommy's words left an impression on you, the moment he said goodnight and you closed your door, a feeling of uneasiness settled in you. Sitting at the table with your new neighbours itself pained you at first, reminding you of your team... Your family...

You still struggled to believe this place was real. There was actually a place for you, a place amongst lovely people who had no bad intentions toward you. There was a new life for you here, you knew you had to move on from your past one, but you also knew it wasn't just going to happen over night. There was still so much guilt in you. And, well, the attack today didn't really help your hopes for this place, you knew better than anyone that all good things come to an end.

But that didn't mean that you wouldn't fight to keep this place going as far as it could.

----

"Aw man," Ellie sighed as Joel finished explaining the basics of baseball to her. "I wonder if (Y/N) ever played it."

Joel's expression relaxed and turned into a thoughtful one. He thought about you, wondered if you were okay and how you were getting along with his brother and the others in Jackson. He was mad at himself for getting angry at you for no reason and he knew, if he ever went back to Jackson, he'd have to make it up to you.

----

Your first few weeks went by resting and helping everyone with everything as much as your wounds allowed. You were fatigued and didn't really want to talk to anyone but Tommy and Maria, who checked up on you almost twice a day when you didn't show up for too long. You were mostly in bed, either doing nothing or sleeping. You had constant headaches and refused to take medications because you didn't want them to think there was something wrong, but sometimes you'd get sick to your stomach from not eating. You lost weight in your first week and a half which didn't escape Maria. You kept complaining about how you couldn't get used to sitting in bed and doing little to nothing for hours, your sleep schedule was absolutely fucked but you also didn't have the energy to get up. You were alone by yourself most of the time which didn't help and by your second week, Maria and the lady from the nursery, Katherine, who was apparently a medic, insisted she did a check up on you.

"I'm no psychologist, but I think she's depressed." Katherine had said when you had fainted because you got up too fast after your examination. "I read a book on it some time ago and she has most of the symptoms... Someone needs to keep an eye on her- she can't stay alone. She's grieving and she's going to need help going through it."

Maria had nodded with sad eyes, uncertain about what to do and Tommy held his wife as they looked at your sleeping form. Your face was way skinnier comparing to when you first arrived in Jackson.

"She doesn't just need a companion per se," Katherine had whispered. "We, as a community have to look after each other and will look after her too, but she barely talks to anyone other than you two. She needs to be more involved with us."

Maria's brows raised: "We can sign her up to patrols with the boys for a start. I'll pair her up with Walt, they seemed to be getting along."

"Well," Tommy had sighed, hands on his hips. "We could try the school? She always had a soft spot for children, maybe it'll help distract her for the most part."

"Offer her whatever you want, but just do it." Katherine nodded worriedly. "And make her eat, for god's sake. She won't survive like this any longer."

----

"You gotta tell me what to do!" Ellie panicked as Joel's vision began fading. "Come on, you gotta get up! Joel?"

Shit, what would (Y/N) do? Joel finally heard Ellie ask herself before he let the darkness take over his pale body. Really though, what would've you done if you were with them right now?

Joel thought back to the time where he was wrapping up your wrists in that house where you all took a shower. How you didn't even flinch when he applied the alcohol and just kept calm through every situation for the whole month you all travelled together. He thought about that one time where you treated a wound on his leg. It was just a bullet which whizzed through the side of his calf, not doing much damage but it still hurt a little. You had attended to it without any complaints.

"This won't take a minute, just sit down and let me handle it," You insisted. Ellie was already passed out on the couch in the next room. "If it gets infected you're never gonna stop bitching about it. Sit. Down."

"Yes ma'am," Joel's brows furrowed at your demanding tone. He sat on the ground and extended his leg on the floor. You carefully rolled the sleeve of his pants up and cleaned the wound.

"Come now, it's over, see?" You smiled gently when he hissed, then wrapped a bandage around his calf. Joel just nodded with an almost displeased look as you got up and moved to go to the other room to check on Ellie.

"Uh, (Y/N)?" Joel turned around before you disappeared into the next room. You gave him a quizzical look by the door: "Thank you."

You just smiled at him genuinely and somewhat shyly, then walked away.

----

You got more used to your new life each day, a full month had passed but you still struggled to come to terms with yourself; but there were some improvements too. You began eating more (by your own will) and you were just a little confused at why you were surrounded by people all the time, except for when you were in your house or at the makeshift gym with a lack of tools. You had only fainted once, it had to be about that, otherwise you were way past the welcoming phase. You still thought often of Ellie... and Joel. And Felicity and others. You found yourself crying some nights, but most nights you felt numb. You missed all your companions dearly - you knew you'd be with them sooner or later.

Walt had turned out to be excellent company, although you were sure his old patrol partner Bruce wasn't entirely fond of you anymore, with you made into Walt's new partner. You usually didn't go outside the walls as there weren't too many infected in the area, but now with you guarding the walls with them, the raids started to take less of a toll on the residents of Jackson. You were liked and your presence was appreciated, something you couldn't really bring yourself to believe.

Tommy and Maria were understanding of your condition and, as much as you had insisted otherwise, they urged you to stay at their place from time to time when you weren't feeling too well. You were grateful for them and for everything they had done to make you feel better while adapting to life in Jackson.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months as Jackson developed further into an actual town. Although winter was harsh on the people, a true sense of community had settled into everyone living there. Diners and schools were built by the end of January and more shops like tailors were being built every day.

Walt and you, on the other hand, were a different story. He was so calm and cool and you couldn't help but get flustered whenever he was around. He treated you nicely, with a more welcoming manner and he was an outright gentleman. The small compliments he'd give you, the way he'd make you laugh... You weren't sure how he'd react if you opened up to him though, so you kept it to yourself.

A better developed relationship comparing to yours and Joel's, you thought. You wondered then how he was doing, if he was even alive and all that.

----

"It's okay, it's me- it's me." Joel turned Ellie around as she tried to get out of his grip. "It's me, look..."

Ellie gasped, taking in a shaky breath as Joel held her face between his hands, like that time you had an attack before reaching Jackson.

"He tried to-" Ellie sobbed, struggling to speak, then Joel pulled and pressed her shaking body against his chest.

"Oh, baby girl..." Joel whispered as he held her close, heart breaking over and over again at her state; the situation they were in reminding him of Sarah over and over again but there was nothing he could do. He had already lost one daughter and he knew, then and there, that he wasn't going to lose Ellie too.

----

With April's arrival, many pretty flowers you had never seen before (or didn't remember seeing pre-outbreak) blossomed throughout the town. Your garden was quite colourful, which brought joy to you. After the cloudy, gray winter days, you greatly appreciated the sun with occasional showers. The weather was mostly chill and windy but not like it was back in January. You had made amazing process with your health conditions - it wasn't perfect but process was still process. Walt had been of great help, talking about your past experiences and venting to each other from time to time had brought you two even closer. He was requested to look after you by Maria and Tommy, but he didn't mind and gladly did so.

Speaking of Tommy: One night while the three of you had dinner, you helped Tommy clean the dishes while Maria went out to give the leftovers to some newborn puppies. Joel was made the topic of your conversation all of a sudden and he revealed a very upsetting detail about Joel's past.

"He," Tommy began, gulping. "He used to have a daughter. Sarah."

You stopped washing the plate in your hands and gave him a look, his movements slowing down as a great set of dark clouds settled over him: "On the outbreak day, the three of us were in a car and it crashed. Sarah broke her leg, so Joel carried her. We ran but Joel and I got separated, when I reached them..."

Tommy sighed through his nose: "Sarah passed away in his arms... I'm thinking, maybe that's why he changed his mind about Ellie? He's- he won't tell you this, but I just thought you should now."

You just nodded with a worried look on your face. After finishing the dishes, Tommy went to their room while you waited on the couch in their living room. He came back with a small frame in his hands: "That's her..."

It was a picture of Joel and Sarah which appeared to be taken after a football match. They both looked so happy, your expression softened immediately and your heart broke: "How old was she?"

"Twelve, I think," Tommy nodded as you examined the picture. "She would've been a whole grownup by now."

Your eyes widened at Joel and Sarah's age gap: "He was so young when he had her..."

"High-school sweethearts," Tommy shook his head and smiled bitterly. "I had no idea what was goin' on. I was around her age when I found out my brother was gonna get married and that I was gonna be an uncle. I don't really remember those times but, Joel managed fine on his own after Sarah's mother left."

You never could've imagined this was the brothers' story before the outbreak: "You miss him, don't you?"

"Me? Miss Joel?" Tommy mocked offence as you handed the frame back to him. "Nah, never... Anyways, he could be back any day, might as well enjoy it before he becomes a pain in my ass again."

You had both laughed about it, but you knew he was worried about Joel and that he missed him. They were pretty close, although worldviews separated them, they were still brothers who cared for each other.

You had also built up the nerve to confess your feelings to Walt. Maria was great at encouragement, so with a deep breath, one night after a patrol in the woods, you knocked on his door:

"Oh, hi there Dolly," Walt smiled. He was looking rather handsome today - as if he put in extra effort to his looks. He looked like as if he was about to go out.

"Oh stop calling me that," You smiled shyly. "I sing once and suddenly I have a new name..."

"It suits you though," he smiled charmingly. "Hey, you'll never guess where I'm about to go right now."

"I'd say on a date, but-"

"Ding ding ding!" He chuckled excitedly. "You know Bonnie, right? She invited me over to her place for dinner."

You just stared, utterly dumbfounded.

"It's a little awkward, I should've been the one to ask her out, but I guess she got tired of waiting!"

She got tired of waiting and shot her shot... and succeeded.

"Oh," you nodded, quickly regaining your composure. "Uh, that's nice- when did you two even get that close?"

"Well," he closed the door to his house, making you take a step back. "You should pull your head out of work from time to time. You've been working so much, you may have missed it."

He smiled genuinely: "Anyways, I have to go now. I'm afraid I can't escort you back this time, I'm running late. You're okay though, right? I hope you didn't come all this way for something important?"

You nodded, words stuck at your throat, then he gave you a brief hug: "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, goodnight!"

You just stood there and watched him leave, mouth agape, hopeless and disappointed.

"So?" Maria asked as you rested your chin on your hand, frowning at your plate. The both of you were having breakfast on your back yard: "How did it go?"

"He's seeing someone else," You sighed after an unnerving moment of silence and put your fork through your food.

"Oh," Maria's excited expression dropped. "Are you sure?"

"He said he was on his way to Bonnie's when I went over to his place."

You both sat in silence, your expression was soft but as much as you tried to hide it, there was a hint of sadness in your eyes. I got everything I didn't deserve after moving here, maybe I pushed my luck too much. You weren't angry, just disappointed.

"He said it himself," You chuckled. "Bonnie apparently got too tired of waiting for him to make a move, so she took matters into her own hands. I was too slow."

"Don't say that," Maria reached for your hand but didn't touch it. "How could've you known? Even I didn't notice they had a thing going on."

"It's okay," you forced a smile and took her hand in yours. "Maybe it wasn't the right time."

Maria was happy that you weren't taking it too heavily - you knew you'd have another chance. After breakfast, you both went your separate ways. Walt greeted you at the stairs which led up to the walls, your heart skipping a beat when you saw him - it was anxious skip however, you were not excited to see him.

"So," You forced a smile as you approached him. "How was your night?"

"Pretty good, thank you," he smirked as you two climbed up.

"Just pretty good? Tell me more!" You laughed. The situation was odd, but he didn't have to know.

"Well," he smiled like a teenage boy after his first ever date with his date. "We began with dinner. She had cooked the most amazing meal- You should definitely eat some too, I suggested that the three of us should have dinner sometime and she's totally down."

You flinched as you approached the notebook on the counter then wrote down your names, your back to him as you felt like jumping off the side of the wall and into a hole where the ground would swallow you whole rather than having dinner with them.

"Yeah, we'll see, I don't wanna be a burden on your new girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend, Dolly, she's-"

"Stay where you are!" You suddenly heard Cedric, one of the patrolman who's shift was over, shout.

"Hold it!" You yelled at Cedric from where you were, then immediately ran out to where he was, Walt behind you. Your heart dropped when you saw the duo who were stood by Jackson's doors.

No way.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel x reader #joel miller imagine #tlou x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us x reader #tlou fanfic #the last of us

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miss-alice-evelynn · 4 years

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I don’t entirely understand why some people slate the 2005 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Yeah it’s not perfect but it’s actually one of my favourite films, I used to watch it all the time when I was a kid. (Totally not because I was OBSESSED with Johnny Depp at the time).

The original film wasn’t well liked by Roald Dahl because they changed a fair bit of the story. Understandable, there’s some things I don’t like from the original. (the fizzy lifting drink scene for instance)

Let’s start with Willy Wonka.

The original is called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory which is weird because it’s mostly centered around Charlie (and because the book is called Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). I like Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka however there’s something about his portrayal that scared the crap outta me as a kid. I’m guessing it’s from the scene towards the end when he goes full rage mode. He was eccentric to an extent but was slightly paranoid. I’m not saying that’s bad. Isolation can do strange things to the mind. I liked the bit at the beginning when we’re first introduced to his Willy Wonka, the fact that he tricked us from the beginning with his roll gave us an idea what he was going to be like. Now, Johnny Depp’s portrayal. I might be biased but I prefer his version. Yeah he’s not got the same look as the book but Gene Wilder doesn’t have the bottle green trousers! The 2005 movie is obviously centered around Willy Wonka which I get and like. We get to learn more about his character, the flashbacks were some of my favourite bits. I’m pretty sure one of the Dahls even complimented that. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a perfect portrayal, but I love his version. He’s awkward and introverted, again isolation can do that, but he’s so damn relatable.

Next we have Charlie.

The original Charlie... erm... He’s okay. He’s not my favourite but he did a good job. I didn’t like the fizzy lifting drink scene because they gave an arc to Charlie that was not in the book. They made him have a bad side which wasn’t what Roald Dahl intended so why did the filmmakers make that choice? Especially since that scene was even in the book? Compare that to Freddie Highmore’s version. I really liked 2005 Charlie, he was so good and had such strong morals. I noticed that, in the Wonka house, Charlie sees a picture of Willy from when he was a kid... was it me or did they look very very similiar? I don’t know if that was intended but it was like they wanted them to be the same?

I just want to ask why some people say the film is bad when it’s not. It’s not a bad film especially since it is so much truer to the book that the original version. Felicity Dahl was an executive producer, partly to make sure that Tim Burton and the crew did not make the mistakes that the original movie. Roald Dahl did not like the first film. Not even joking. He didn’t like it because of how different it was to his book. Felicity Dahl (I’m pretty sure) said that Roald would have loved it because it was like the pages came to life.

Just something to think about.

#charlie and the chocolate factory #willy wonka #charlie bucket #film review #book review #willy wonka and the chocolate factory #tim burton #johnny depp #gene wilder #freddie highmore #2005

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exasperatedmoron · 5 years

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5+1 times Barry says he has a boyfriend and the 1 time they realized he wasn’t kidding

*1*

Cisco walked into the lounge with his arms full of chocolate, movies and those sappy scented candles. It was Valentine’s Day and him, Barry and Caitlin had a tradition of spending it together since they all had very, very miserable love lives.

“Who’s ready to cry over a dying dog!”

Caitlin was already sitting on one of the beanbags Barry placed in front of the mini-movie screen. She raised her glass of wine towards Cisco, already dressed in her sweats without makeup on. Barry, however, was dressed up in a maroon button down and hair gelled up. He was setting the stereotypical ‘ILY’ teddy bears on Cisco and Cait’s beanbags.

“Why do you look like you’re going on a date, Sonic?”

“Erm. Cause I am?”

“With who?” Cisco tried to think back to anyone Barry has interacted with recently, assuming it was someone new. The only new friends he’s made so far were Ralph and Julian. “Oh no. It’s not Ralph, is it? You always seemed to be in each other personal spaces”

Barry looked affronted, even holding up his hand to his chest. “Cisco, no! I- What- Cisco!” Barry’s face contorted as he tried to come up with words. “It’s not him! It’s... someone you guys know. But that’s all I’m saying!”

Barry stood his ground and seemed very insistent on keeping quiet, but Cait and Cisco were invested now. Barry’s last crush was on Iris and that ended years ago before she and Eddie got married. In those years, Barry has only gone on two dates - with Patty and Linda - and both didn’t work out so well. But even in those cases, Cisco and Caitlin were updated (like best friends were supposed to be).

Huh. “Why didn’t you tell us about this date?” “It was very last minute. I didn’t even know he was in town today. Turns out he was so... yea.”

“So, he travels out of town?” “Yeah, he does.”

“Huh. What’s his job?” “Oh, you know. A little bit of this and that. He deals with... uhm... artefacts? and... problem... solving?”

Wow. Pinocchio would be disappointed.

“Okay. Have fun on your date.

Barry nearly stumbled on his own two feet getting out of there, yelling a ‘Bye Cait! Cisco!”. Cisco picked up a beer from the chiller and sat beside Cait as she pressed ‘play’ on the remove.

“He doesn’t really have a date, doesn’t he?”

“Nope.”

*2*

Iris barged into Barry’s apartment, hands full of take-out and ice cream. Normally, she’d pick the lock to get in, but for some reason, Barry upgraded his lock. It was the same as before, so she could still use her key but it couldn’t be picked so easily anymore. Barry must have listened to her, for once.

“Barry! Eddie and I are fighting so I need to have a Disney marathon! Get your lazy ass out of bed!”

Iris heard him squeak, followed by a ‘thud’ as he fell out of his bed. She smiled to herself and placed the take out on the table, knowing that the speedster would be less grumpy once he saw the food. She made her way to the kitchen to put the ice cream in the freezer for later when he saw that his freezer wasn’t empty. Her eyebrows scrunched up as she opened the fridge and saw that it filled too.

Barry never had a filled fridge. Not even a half-filled fridge. Even before he was a speedster, he survived of ramen and pizza. The most his fridge would contain was leftovers from his junk or from whatever meal Iris brought over. It was even worse when he became a speedster, almost causing his fridge to be obsolete.

“Iris? Why are you staring at my fridge?”

Iris snapped out of her thoughts and turned around to stare at her foster brother with bed hair. “Since when did you have food?”

Barry looked confused for a second, eyes going from her to the fridge. As soon as his eyes saw the contents of it, a small smile grew on his face. “Oh. My boyfriend must have left some last night.”

Iris’s thoughts on food and Eddie were completely pushed back. “Boyfriend? Bartholomew Henry Allen, are you having secret rendezvous with a man and not telling me?” “Geez Iris, you’re almost as dramatic as he is. And no, I told you about him, remember?”

Now it was Iris’ turn to be confused. “When?” “On Valentine’s Day? I asked you to fill my place with Cait and Cisco since Eddie had work and I had a date?”

Ohhhh. “Barry. You don’t need to use your imaginary boyfriend as an excuse to have your fridge stocked. You could just say it as it is. You finally decided to act like an adult instead of a bachelor.”

“What? What do you mean bachelor? Wait - What do you mean imaginary?”

“Cisco and Caitlin told me you made up a fake boyfriend so that it’d hurt less when you stood them up. It’s fine though, they took pity on you so they aren’t mad.”

“Fake?! I-Wha-They-”

“Barry relax. Come on, heat up your ‘boyfriend’s’ leftovers. I wanna taste it while telling you about how much of an overprotective husband Eddie is being again.”

Hours later, the two were stretched over the couch with cartons of ice cream balancing on their torsos while watching Singin’ in the Rain.

“I really do have a boyfriend, you know?”

“Sure you do.”

*3*

Barry was late for work (again) and Joe had to cover for him (again). He needed the results for a case so he sat on Barry’s chair and waited for the CSI to arrive. Soon enough, said CSI ran into the lab, clutching onto his messenger bag and a mini-cooler.

Julian took one look at him and snorted, “You sure that’s enough food, Allen? I can call a caterer if you’d like.” “Shut it, Jullian.”

“Joe! Hey I -” “You woke up sick, so I sent you to a doctor to get you checked up. I’m assuming you’re feeling better and ‘bout to give me the results for the Williams case I needed two hours ago?”

Barry nodded and tossed his bag to his chair as he frantically sifted through his desk, ignoring Julian’s comment about tidiness. He plucked out a file from the bottom of the clutter and passed it to Joe. “Thanks Barr. Now, why were you really late? Mugging? Little ol’ lady bein’ robbed?”

Barry started to scratch the back of his neck, face turning a light shade of pink as he avoided eye contact with Joe. “Ah. Actually, I overslept. I stayed over at my boyfriend’s place last night so... yeah.”

Joe’s eyes went wide, almost popping out of his head, “Boyfriend?”.

“Dear Lord, not this again,” Jullian mumbled from behind Joe as he continued writing his report. Joe turned around to look at Julian with an incredulous look. “You knew Barry had a boyfriend?”

“I knew Barry had an imaginary boyfriend. Cait told me about the Valentine’s Day Ditch.”

“Imaginary - What?! And seriously? You guys are putting a name to it?!” Barry nearly dropped the things he was holding on the floor.

“Ah. Iris told me about him too.”

“Joe, I really - “

“Barry, if you overslept, that’s fine. You didn’t need to lie. We know you’re workin’ hard on Flash duties anyway.”

“No, Joe. Really I-”

Barry was interrupted by Captain Singh’s appearance at the door, spurring the three back to work. Before Joe left though, he patted Barry on the back.

“You gotta work on your lying skills. Caitlin, Cisco and Iris saw right through you.”

Barry sighed.

*4*

Felicity and Barry were watching a movie marathon in the Arrow cave while Oliver was busy doing mayor stuff. The team needed Barry’s help with a meta who moved to Star City, so Barry ran over and even after the threat was cleared, he stayed for a while to catch up with his best friend.

Barry was finally starting to relax until Felicity just had to bring up a certain topic. “So what’s this I hear about you making up a fake boyfriend to get out of situations?”

Barry groaned into the popcorn.

“He’s not fake,” Barry asserted. “They just think he is because I won’t give out any details.”

“And why not?”

“Because he... well... it’ll be a disaster.”

“Okay,” Felicity sighed, setting down her popcorn, “I’ll play along. Why would it be a disaster?”

“They... Well, he doesn’t have the best reputation?” “Uh huh. And what kind of ‘reputation’ does he have?” Felicity leaned forward, eyes staring into Barry, trying to get him to slip.

“Well. You know, it depends. A bad but good one. But to some people, it’s a good one with a little bit of bad. He’s in the middle of good and bad? Or kinda like a see-saw, what side he’s on depends on the day.”

“Barry, this is why people don’t believe you.” "Not again.”

“You either need to work on your lying skills, or give out details that aren’t so vague.”

Barry groaned. He was so done. He picked up his popcorn and tossed one piece to Felicity’s head.

“Just eat your popcorn.”

*5*

Captain Singh was reading a report when Barry knocked on his door. “Come in, Allen.”

Barry walked into the office and placed a file on David’s desk. Just as he was about to leave, he stopped and turned to David. “Captain?” he asked.

“Yes, Allen?” “Can I request for a day off on the 18th?” David checked the calendar on the desk and saw that most of the other CSIs will be in.

“Okay, submit a proper request and I’ll approve it. If I may ask, why do you need to take it? Albert seems to be less of a pain as he was before.”

Barry chuckled as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt. “Actually it’s my boyfriend and I’s one and a half year anniversary. Our one year didn’t end well, so I wanted to make it up to him.”

David sighed and removed his glasses, turning to face Barry properly. “Barry, I’ve known you for over 10 years now. I think by now, you would know that excuses like that wouldn’t work on me.’’

Barry looked confused and a little bit upset at his words. “Sir? I...’’

“If it didn’t work on Joe, Iris, or your other friends, it won’t work for me too. I know you’re the Flash, Barry. You didn’t need to come up with an elaborate fib like that.” Barry looked like he was about to protest or deny any allegations, but his shoulders just slumped. Barry looked like he wanted to roll his eyes at the world. He nodded and turned again to walk out when David mentioned something.

“Also, if you ever used that excuse again, one year anniversary sounds more believable than one and a half.”

“Of course. Sure thing, Captain.”

Since Joe found out Captain Singh knew about Barry being the Flash, he decided to let his old friend around the labs, re-introducing him to Cisco and other members of the team. David was slightly surprised at how many people he knew were in the team (”Albert and Dibny? You guys are involved in this?”). He was surprised at their involvement, but at the same time, he wasn’t. Barry had the type of personality that just drew people in.

Just as he was talking to Caitlin in the med bay, a series of beeps emitted from the computers in the cortex. “What’s that? Is that some kind of Flash alert?” he asked as him and Caitlin walked into the cortex where the rest were in, excluding Barry, who was patrolling the city.

“Nah, that just means the waverider landed on the roof. The Legends will probably stop by here to say hi before visiting their families.” Cisco answered as he had another lollipop in his mouth. Caitlin scowled at him and he removed the sweet from his mouth, not wanting her to go into another tirade about dental health.

Minutes later, a group of nine walked into the cortex, exchanging pleasantries with team Flash.

“Didn’t know the Captain of the CCPD is now on team Flash.”

David turned away from his conversation with Ray Palmer and saw Leonard Snart leaning against a wall, smirking. Beside him was his partner Mick Rory, who was being fussed over by Caitlin (”You keep letting your burns heal like that and I’ll cover it in ice until it reaches your bones.”) “Leonard Snart. Didn't know you played on the hero’s side now.”

“Well, I tend to swing both ways.” He turned and sauntered off to Cisco, but not before giving David one last smug look, causing him to think that there was a double meaning behind what Snart said.

“Hey, where’s Barry?” Sara asked Joe, who was catching up with Stein. “He’s on patrol. I can call him back.” Joe went over to the computers and patched in through Barry’s comms.

“Hey Barr, the Legends are here. Come over and say hi.” “The Legends?” Barry sounded excited, but team Flash thought it was because he got to catch up with his friends. The Legends, on the other hand, gave Len a quick look before returning to their conversations.

Five seconds later, a figure appeared in the middle of the cortex, followed by a lightning trail. “Barry!” Sara exclaimed as she threw her arms around the speedster, still in his Flash regalia. “Hey Sara, how was the 1800s?” “Sexist. But I kicked some bigots into a river, so I’d say it went well.” Barry and Sara exchanged a few words before someone in the corner coughed.

“Lenny!” Barry exclaimed and sped over to the reformed criminal. He kissed the thief in front of both their teams, unaware of the heart attack he gave to the members of his own team.

“Bartholomew Henry Allen!” Iris shrieked, causing everyone in the room to wince at the octave she reached, “Since when were you dating Captain Cold?!”. Barry opened his mouth to respond when Nate beat him to it.

“What the hell, man? You didn’t tell your team about it? It’s been years!” Barry sighed and put his head on his hands. Len’s arms were still around his waist, his back leaning on Len’s front. “No. I did. Multiple times. No one believed I had a boyfriend.”

The Legends half of the group burst into hysterical laughter while team Flash was still frozen in disbelief. “Wait a second. Your ‘fake’ boyfriend is Leonard Snart?!” Joe pointed from Barry to Len, taking a moment to process it. He wasn’t as mad as he thought he’d be, but definitely surprised.

“To be fair, they aren’t dating anymore.”

That caused the team to snap out of their stupor. “What do you mean they aren’t dating anymore?” Cisco questioned, trying to comprehend how this all happened. “Did you guys break up?” Caitlin asked from her position beside Mick, who was laughing so hard that he held onto her shoulder for support.

Barry blinked at all his friends and family, asking himself how massive of a situation this led to. He shook his head and removed his gloves, taking Len’s hand and doing the same.

“Guys. I've been wearing a ring for the last 2 months. I haven't been hiding."

"We thought it was part of your... psuedo boyfriend scheme..."

Captain Singh was the first to get over the shock of everything and put all the information together. "So. For the last 2 years, you actually do have a boyfriend. Who's Leonard Snart. And not only did you tell us you were dating someone, you also flaunted your ring around, showing us you're engaged, and we didn't even believe it."

"Most people think the superspeed is what's unbelievable about me..."

#barry allen #coldflash #coldflash drabble #leonard snart #leonard snart/barry allen #cisco ramon #caitlin snow #joe west #iris west #david singh #felicity smoak #julian albert #and others i guess

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holycafe · 5 years

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Coldflash Week Fall 2019: Len’s Oculus Powers. AKA the Bad Wolf AU

Yet another fic idea that I’ve been meaning to write for years. If you feel inspired then, by all means, feel free to write it out! Just please give me credit for the idea (or, at the very least, credit Dr Who since this is based on Rose Tyler as Bad Wolf). PS, please forgive me my shoddy editing skills. I was in a bit of a rush.

(I have a lot of edits and fics for this ship as well as destiel, sterek, etc. My masterposts can be found here. If you’re on a desktop site then you can just jump on over to my page to view the rest of my coldflash edits.)

“What can we do?” Mick asked, and Rip shook his head.

“Nothing. The human body isn’t designed to absorb all the information of the timestream.”

“So, that’s it, then?” Sara asked, indignant. “Leonard’s going to just die again? We’ve only just got him back!”

“What about a speedster?” Barry asked, and all eyes turned to him. “I have the speed force running through me, how much different could this be?” He asked. “Is there any way for me to, I don’t know, absorb it from him?”

“It’s… possible,” Rip said after a momentary pause. “Though, speedster or not, you are still human. It may not be any safer for you than it is for Mr Snart.”

“It’s not worth it, Bear,” Joe was saying instantly. But Barry shook his head; he had to try.

So, that was how, ten minutes later, Barry found himself standing in front of Leonard Snart. Leonard’s eyes were glowing an unearthly blue as they tracked Barry’s movement. He was silent and emotionless. Though, not the put-upon mask that he often wore to keep people at bay. His face was just… blank. Barry wondered, not for the first time, if Snart was even in there or not.

“It’s okay, Leonard,” Barry said softly, stepping up to Snart until they were only a mere foot apart. He cast a look back over his shoulder at his friends, feeling nervous about what he had to do.

When he looked back to Snart, the older man was still just standing there silently. And, Barry didn’t know whether that made things easier or more difficult. Because, according to Rip, there was only one sure-fire way for Barry to absorb the remnants of the timestream which clung on in Snart’s body, and that was through open connect. Specifically, a kiss.

“I’m going to make it all okay. Just… don’t punch me, alright?” He laughed humourlessly. Then, before he could overthink this, Barry took that last step and crashed their lips together. For a moment, nothing happened. And then everything happened.

Barry saw it all. Every moment that ever was, every moment that ever would be, everything that could be, and everything that had never come to pass. He saw it all. It was like running through the speed force, except it was a million times bigger and in a fraction of the time. He saw hatred, war, peace, love. So much love.

He saw Iris, Felicity, Caitlin, Cisco, Joe, Leonard… no, Len. He preferred Len. Barry could see it now, everything that Len had been through, everything that had ever happened which had made Len who he was. The good and the bad. And there was a lot of bad. So much that Barry wanted to hold him tight and never let him go again.

And, oddly enough, Barry saw this moment. It was like an out-of-body experience, watching himself kiss Leonard Snart in the middle of the lab and with all of his friends watching. It started innocent enough, a quick peck, but then Len lifted his hands to cup Barry’s jaw, and it deepened. Barry could feel Len’s rough hands against the skin of his cheek, and he watched the scene play out as though he was watching it on TV rather than being an active participant. He felt his tongue slip inside Len’s mouth, though he didn’t remember making the conscious thought to do so.

A second passed, and then Sara let out a rowdy hoot behind them, and Mick began laughing so hard that he nearly fell to the floor, Joe started face palming and shaking his head, while pretty much everyone else just uncomfortably averted their gaze. Barry realised he probably should have been embarrassed, but he was so caught up in everything – in Len, in them, in memories and futures, in life itself – that he just didn’t feel it.

But soon it became overpowering.

Barry’s head began to buzz painfully, his eyes hurt as though he was straining to see everything, his mouth began to feel numb. He stumbled back from the kiss, and the second that the connection between himself and Len broke, Len’s body slumped, and he fell to the floor. Barry tried to catch him, but his vision was swimming now, and his limbs felt heavy. He heard someone shout his name behind him. He heard it echo through his head as it happened again and again and again in countless timelines.

And then everything went black.

When Barry came to again, a few days had passed. He was lying in a make-shift hospital bed in one of the smaller labs at STAR, and both Cisco and Caitlin were hovering around him expectantly and asking him relentless questions. At first, Barry didn’t really remember what had happened. But soon, it all came flooding back to him. Well, not all of it. He struggled to remember most of what he’d seen while connected to the timestream, which had apparently faded from his body due to his accelerated healing factor. But, the memory of Len’s tongue dancing against his own was all too real.

“Where’s, erm…” Len. Just thinking his name made Barry’s heart beat a little faster and he was forever glad that Cait had already unhooked him from the heart rate monitor.

“Your boyfriend’s over there,” Cisco joked, and Barry blushed. He was about to stutter out some sort of excuse when he glanced over to where Cisco had been pointing and found Len lying in a hospital bed identical to Barry’s, connected to an IV drip and various machines.

The words died on Barry’s tongue as he abruptly stood up and flashed over to Len’s side without really thinking about it. His reaction must have been a surprise to Cisco because the other man’s smile was already dropping from his lips.

“Is he okay?” Barry asked, and Caitlin nodded.

“He’s not deteriorating anymore. He’s actually been healing. On a cellular level, he’s fine,” she said.

“But?” Barry asked, seeing the hesitation on her face.

“But… we don’t know how long he’s going to be out for. Or, if he ever will wake up.”

Barry shook his head. He didn’t go through all of that just for Len to get stuck in a coma for the rest of his life. Barry couldn’t accept that. He wouldn’t.

Barry didn’t know whether it would work, but he’d done it once before with Jesse. He reached forward, his fingers crackling with electricity, and he took Len’s hand in his own. The second their skin made contact, Len was gasping and bolting upright in his bed. Wordlessly, Len looked at Barry, his blue eyes lacking the unnatural glow they’d had before, as Caitlin scrambled forward to check him over.

Barry tried to take his hand back and give his friend more room to work, but Len grabbed him tighter and refused to let go. Barry let out a shaky laugh and smiled as he took in the unfiltered emotions covering Len’s face. He looked as though he was in absolute awe of Barry, and it made Barry blush.

“Well, if it isn’t my Scarlet Speedster,” Len said, his voice sounded dry from disuse, but it made Barry’s heart flutter all the same. “You owe me a real kiss.”

“Please don’t,” Cisco muttered. “I’ve seen enough of that particular show for one week.”

“Then look away,” Len drawled, tugging sharply on Barry’s hand until he stumbled forwards and into Len’s arms. Barry was smiling as their lips met. He couldn’t help it. It was a messy kiss, and there was a little bit too much teeth involved, but neither Len nor Barry could care about that.

As far as Barry was concerned, it was perfect because it was with Len.

#cffall19 #coldflash #len x barry #lenarry #Leonard Snart #Barry Allen #dc #my aus #pieprincesswritescoldflash #pieprincesswritesdc #pieprincesswritesfics

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itsbrindleybinch · 5 years

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Is It Too Late?

Summary: The mystery of the wheeled box has been solved and opening night is approaching fast, but for some reason Francesca still won’t even look in Ajay’s direction. Skye and Erin hand out a few home truths.

Word Count: 2,003

Book: High School Story: Class Act

Pairing: Ajay & MC (Francesca)

Author Note: What’s got two thumbs and is pissed at Ajay? This girl. MC is owed a good apology, so I tried to write it. Also written for @kinda-iconic‘s @choices-december-challenge Day 29 (New Beginnings). Just so all’s clear, my MC is Francesca, her twin is Leo and my OG MC is Felicity.

Ajay was feeling quite optimistic when he headed to lunch. The nasty business around Felicity’s fall had been resolved the evening before and even though the repercussions would been hours upon hours of extra work for the cast and crew, everyone was committed to making sure that the play went well. Some people’s determination may have come out of righteous indignation, others out of spite, but Ajay didn’t really care either way provided they managed to pull the production together in time.

To make things even better, now that everything had been solved, Francesca would be allowed back at the lunch table. The break had taken on a very sombre air recently and it would be good to have someone back who could at least be relied upon for entertaining conversation.

Taking his seat, Ajay lent half an ear to the chatter around him, but was mostly focused on the cafeteria door, glancing up every time he saw it swing open out of the corner of his eye.

Ten minutes passed.

Twenty.

Frowning, Ajay turned to the group, interrupting their conversation.

“Where’s… Erin?”

Clint looked away. Natalie looked sheepish.

“Outside,” she mumbled.

“What? Why?” It wasn’t as though it was a particularly warm day.

“Francesca doesn’t want to sit here,” Clint piped up. He hesitated. “Is it true she’s dropping out of the play?”

Ajay went cold. “What?” he spluttered. “Of course not! Don’t be ridiculous! Why would you think that?”

“Just something Skye said,” Clint mumbled.

“Which was?”

Natalie glanced between them. “That… Francesca didn’t owe anyone anything and would be a lot happier if she didn’t have to do something that she spent every day dreading.”

Ajay blinked, opening and closing his mouth for a couple of seconds. “Well,” he said eventually, “Obviously now everything’s I the open, that won’t be a problem.”

That seemed to satisfy Clint and Natalie, but Ajay couldn’t help but glance out of the window to where, sure enough, the three girls were huddled around a table at the far end of the quad. He watched them for a moment, a knot forming in his stomach. They shouldn’t have been there. Everything was resolved. Francesca was allowed back. Perhaps she didn’t realise. He’d have a word with her after the rehearsal, make sure she knew that everything was okay again.

Satisfied, Ajay went back to his lunch. They’d have a good talk and things would be back to the way they were before.

***

The rehearsal had gone well. The unpleasantness seemed to have put a fire under everyone and scenes were moving seamlessly.

Ajay smiled as they finished up and nodded, making a small note on his script. “Good job today, everyone. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He glanced up as most of the cast filed out of the auditorium, smiling when his eyes landed on Francesca helping to clear away. “Francesca, could you stay behind for a few minutes?”

She started, dropping the prop dagger she had been holding. He watched her look to Erin, who gave her an encouraging smile before Francesca took a deep breath and finally turned to him.

“Did you want to talk about lines?” There was a slight tremor in her voice and she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“I… No.”

“Blocking? Delivery?”

“No, you’re doing great, it’s –”

“I can’t stay behind.” Francesca turned away, hurrying to pack the last few things away while Ajay stared at her in astonishment.

“It’ll only take –”

“I can’t stay behind!” Francesca practically ran from the stage, snatching up her bag as she rushed past Ajay and out of the room.

Ajay gaped at the door as though any second now Francesca was going to come back though it with that disarming smile of hers, teasing him.

“Good for her.”

Ajay’s head snapped around to see Skye looking at the door with something close to admiration on her face.

“Excuse me?” Ajay spluttered, indignant.

“Oh come on.” Erin stuck her head out from the wings. “You didn’t really expect anything else, did you?”

Ajay stared. “Wh- What do you mean?”

Skye let out a snort and turned away to fiddle with a light fixture. Erin stepped out onto the stage and fixed Ajay with a hard stare. He felt his cheeks flush.

“Ajay.” When Erin finally spoke, her tone was icy. “Have you actually apologised to Francesca?”

“For what?”

Skye rounded on him. “Are you kidding?!” she yelled, eyes ablaze.

Ajay flinched and shrank back in his seat. “Erm…” He fidgeted with his pen, avoiding their eyes. His mind was racing. “I…”

“Do you have any idea how upset she’s been?!” Skye clenched her fists, still glaring at him. “She was in tears!”

“W- What?” Ajay glanced at Erin, panicked.

“Every day.” Erin’s voice was quieter than Skye’s, but no less furious. “She was devastated that people she’d though were her friends could think she’d hurt someone deliberately like that.”

“But…” Ajay protested feebly, “Everyone knows now that –”

“Only after you all spent ages bullying her and accused her of doing it!” Skye cut in. “When anyone who’s spent five minutes in the same room as her knows she’d be as likely to do that as swim on Neptune!”

It felt as though someone had tipped a bath of ice water over Ajay’s head.

“Sh- She…”

“She had most of her friends turn on her for something she didn’t do.” Erin narrowed her eyes. “But she was most hurt that you did.”

“I…” Ajay swallowed. Oh god. Oh god, what had he done? “I had to be… neutral…”

“You weren’t neutral,” Erin snapped. “You said you thought she could have done it and then stepped back and watched the rest of them treat her like that.”

He stared at the two of them in horror.

No… He felt his throat go dry. Francesca… Francesca had been pushed out and… he had let it happen. He had helped it happen. Ajay hung his head, his breathing going shaky. Of course Francesca couldn’t have done it. He had known that and still the whole group had accused her. And he had… made it worse.

“Oh god,” he whispered, slumping over with his head in his hands. The thought of Francesca upset because of that… crying because of that… Ajay bit his lip, his stomach rolling. Oh, Francesca…

“She deserves you being a better friend to her than you have been,” Skye muttered.

Ajay swallowed thickly and nodded, not having the courage to look up. “Yes… Yes, I…” His voice was a little hoarse. “I need to…”

“Apologise,” Erin finished.

***

“Ajay.”

“Leo.”

Francesca’s twin blew a lock of hair out of his eyes and made no move to step back from the doorway.

“Erm…” Ajay looked away. “Is Francesca in?”

“Yes.”

“May I… see her?”

“No.”

“… I see.”

Leo raised an eyebrow.

Ajay swallowed and held out the bag he’d been carrying. “Right. Well. Could you give her these then, please?” Should have put in a note too. Idiot.

Leo peered in the bag and pulled out the bunch of wildflowers. Ajay felt himself blush furiously, but was saved from Leo’s inevitable comment by a movement behind him. Francesca appeared in the hallway, her blonde hair loose around her face and her large, forest green sweater falling off one shoulder. When she spotted Ajay, her eyes widened and she let out a terrified squeak before running upstairs.

“Brilliant,” Leo muttered under his breath. “You,” he said to Ajay, “Stay there. I haven’t finished yet.” Before Ajay could respond, the door closed in his face.

Sighing, Ajay leaned against the wall and pinched the bridge of his nose. The expression on Francesca’s face when she had seen him… What kind of horrible person was he to make her feel like that?

***

It was a long while before the door opened again. This time, Leo stepped to one side and jerked his head towards the stairs.

Ajay wasn’t foolish enough to question it. He scrambled up to head inside and followed Leo upstairs to a door marked Cesca’s Room and with a handwritten sign underneath saying Learning Lines – Keep Out!

Leo pushed the door open and Ajay caught a glimpse of Francesca showing something yellow and fluffy under her pillow before turning to them, her cheeks pink.

“Oh… hi…” She bit her lip, fidgeting with her fingers and looking down at the rug.

“Hi…” Ajay hesitated, then stepped forward into the room. The flowers lay across the bed and as he watched, Francesca picked them up and lightly ran her thumb along one petal before sitting down, her gaze still fixed on the floor.

Ajay swallowed and ran a hand through his hair. Up close he could see the dark circles under Francesca’s eyes all too easily, could see the faint trembling of her hands. He took a few deep breaths.

“Francesca, I’m so sorry.” His voice cracked. “I’m so… so sorry.” He took in a shaky breath. “Of course you wouldn’t… It was ridiculous to… I should have…”

“I thought you knew me better than that,” she whispered. “I thought you of all people knew me better than that.”

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled. The sick feeling in his stomach was back. “You’re right, I… You would never.” He rubbed his eyes, trying to stop them from stinging. “You’re king and sweet and gentle and naïve and only an idiot could ever even consider that you would do that.” He sighed. “And I’m an idiot because I considered it. I just… wanted to…” No. No, this was not the time for that .”I should have been a better director. And a much better friend.”

When he glanced up, Francesca was blinking rapidly and she lifted a hand to wipe at her eyes.

“Thank you for coming over,” she mumbled. “And for the flowers. They’re…” She hiccupped quietly. “They’re lovely.”

“Like you.” The words slipped out before Ajay could stop them. He flushed. “Sorry, I… I just meant… You’re good, Francesca. You’re so much better than so many people and I… I really messed up. I really, really messed up. But I won’t again. I’ll always support you and I’ll come after anyone terrible enough to make you cry. Myself included.”

There was a pause, then a flurry of movement.

“Oof!” Francesca collided with him and Ajay steadied himself quickly, clutching her to him as she wrapped her arms around his waist. She was trembling and clung to him as she let out a strangled sob. “I’m sorry…” Ajay buried his face in her hair, cupping the back of her head as he wrapped his other arm tightly around her. “Francesca…”

“I know,” she mumbled into his chest. “But I’m going to need a bit of time before… y’know… it’s how it was.”

“Understandable,” he whispered. “We were terrible to you.”

“You weren’t the worst.” She squeezed him around the middle. “Just the one that hurt most.”

“Oh…”

“I meant… Only because I liked you most.”

Ajay stroked her hair and sighed. “I can’t think why,” he mumbled. He hesitated. “I like you the most too.”

Francesca nuzzled into his chest and Ajay took a deep breath, trying to stop his heart from racing by sheer willpower. He swayed her gently where they stood and slowly, gradually, he felt her stop shivering.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?”

Ajay glanced down at her. “That sounds… dangerous.”

“It is. Leo’s furious with you.”

“More so than Erin and Skye?”

She looked up at him and gave him a tentative smile. “Less terrifying. I’m glad I had them in my corner.”

“I’m glad you did, too. They… didn’t give me an easy time.”

“Pity I wasn’t there to see it.” She rested her head against his chest, face turned up towards his. “Fresh slate?”

“That is… more than I deserve.”

“Aren’t you lucky that I like you then.”

Ajay flushed and smiled fondly down at her. “Very lucky,” he murmured. “The luckiest in the world.”

#playchoices #hssca #hssca ajay #ajay x mc #high school story #high school story class act #hss:ca #tally's fics

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