#literally when did alec EVER pick jace over magnus except maybe for when magnus went to edom to talk to his father and alec said ok

[normal-thoughts-official]

Can you believe Alec was willing to become a vampire to save Magnus in the finale which would have severed his parabatai bond to jace and jalecs STILL say he’d pick Jace over Magnus 😤

remember when alec was going to stay in edom forever away from jace and that wasnt even a problem to him, when alec married magnus and jace was like "don't be a stranger" and then he moved to another continent, when jace was angsting over clary in the finale and alec was out there living his best life eye fucking his husband and drinking martinis, when jace was straight up possessed and alec didn't even notice cuz him and magnus were busy gossiping about lorenzo (i dont remember what the fuck they were doing in 3a tbh), when jace died and alec was like "sucks", when alec said he would be the one to kill jace himself, when alec came back from the parabatai tracking induced coma and his first reaction was to tell magnus that the fact that magnus was there helped him come back and that he could feel him there (while jace was arrested in the background), when jace decided to freeload at magnus' and alec was pissed as hell at him, did jace and alec even interact in 3b?, when alec said that he's only been in love once and it was with magnus, when alec said magnus is his world, when alec proposed to magnus and married him? i love winning

[banesapothecary]

meant to be - a follow up to missed connection in honor of @kindaresilient‘s birthday

read on ao3

Moving in with Magnus was the best decision Alec had ever made--even better than begrudgingly agreeing to take the bus every morning that led him to work and meeting the love of his life.

Once upon a time, just catching a small, polite smile from Magnus was enough to make Alec’s day brighter. Now Alec woke up every morning wrapped in Magnus’s arms, or better yet, with Magnus’s head pillowed against his chest. Alec couldn’t believe his luck.

Isabelle smirked at him across the table as if reading his mind. Okay, he thought. Luck might not be the right word for it. After all, if it hadn’t been for Izzy and Jace’s meddling in his personal life, he probably never would’ve had the guts to speak to Magnus, let alone flirt with him. At least, not gracefully.

Eventually he might’ve gotten the nerve to swap his usual polite smile to Magnus as he stepped onto the bus and took his seat for a “hello.” And maybe he would’ve felt emboldened one morning and moved from his own seat to slide in next to Magnus and strike up a conversation. And maybe Alec wouldn’t have been a “complete gay disaster,” as Izzy liked to refer to him.

He didn’t mind that his siblings had meddled, though. In fact, it was the greatest thing they’d ever done for him.

“Stop thinking about Magnus and tell me the plan already!” Izzy sighed in exasperation, kicking him lightly under the table. They were seated in his favorite cafe, waiting for their lunch order. It was slightly late for the lunch rush, but the cafe was still packed and the soft noise of conversation filled the room with an easy, relaxed air.

Alec raised an eyebrow at his sister. “How do you know I was thinking about Magnus?”

“One,” Izzy said, holding up a finger for dramatic effect, “you’re always thinking about Magnus.” Alec nodded, not even trying to suppress his grin. It was true. Magnus constantly filled his mind, and Alec wouldn’t have it any other way. “And two, you have literal heart eyes right now,” she said, punctuating her words with a sip of her soda.

Alec rolled his eyes. “That’s not a thing, Izzy. Except for cartoons.”

“You must’ve travelled to this universe from a two-dimensional one, then,” Izzy said, sticking her tongue out.

“We both know if anyone’s from another universe in this family, it’s Jace,” Alec snorted.

Izzy reached across the table to swat at his shoulder. “You should be nicer to us,” she complained. “We helped you find the love of your life.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him, and it was Alec’s turn to swat at her arm. “Come on!” Izzy groaned in frustration. “You can’t just tell me you bought a ring and not tell me anything else. It’s cruel and unusual punishment.”

Alec shrugged, but he felt his cheeks reddening at the mention of the ring. The ring that was currently burning a hole in the zip-up pocket of his windbreaker. “There’s nothing to tell yet, Iz,” he said. “I have no idea when I’m gonna ask him, or how I’m going to ask him.”

“However you do it, you know he’s going to think it’s perfect,” Izzy said softly. “If anyone is more disgustingly in love than you are, it’s Magnus.” Alec laughed at the way her nose scrunched up. “Besides,” Izzy continued. “You’d better propose soon. I was promised a wedding to plan.”

“You’re going to propose?”

Alec’s eyes widened and he whipped around at the voice. Magnus stood a few paces behind him, his expression very much mirroring Alec’s. “I—” He cut himself off, entirely unsure of what to even say and too shocked to get the words out right even if he had.

He was distantly aware of Izzy scooting her seat back and touching a gentle hand to his shoulder. “I’ll, um. I’ll let you guys talk,” she said quietly, excusing herself. Alec didn’t see where she went, his eyes locked onto his boyfriend.

“Damn you, Lightwood,” Magnus laughed, the sound more like an exhale as he finally moved, sliding into the seat Izzy had just left. Alec watched, mouth still hanging slightly open, as Magnus reached into the pocket of his impeccably tailored suit. Alec’s heart stuttered in his chest as Magnus held up a ring.

It was simple, just a single gold band that was enough to return some of the color to Alec’s cheeks. It was Alec’s turn to laugh, and he wouldn’t have even noticed he was crying if not for the wet sound of it. He reached into the pocket of his windbreaker, pulling out the black velvet box and popping it open so Magnus could see.

The ring he’d picked out was gold as well. The design was a little more intricate, with engravings that swirled around a single diamond, cut into a shape almost like a cat’s eye.

Alec was almost scared to look at Magnus’s reaction as he showed him the ring. He hadn’t set out to buy it, necessarily. He’d known already when he did that he wanted to marry Magnus, wanted forever with him. He’d known it like a fact as deeply ingrained as his own name.

But Alec hadn’t planned to look, per say. He just happened to be walking by a jeweller one afternoon while running errands, and the ring had caught his eyes in the window display. From the second he saw it, he knew. The ring had reminded him of Magnus, of his beautiful intricacies and how he turned everything that was otherwise simple or mundane into a magical new experience. He’d bought it without a second thought or even an ounce of his typical overthinking.

“Alexander,” Magnus breathed, and Alec finally met his eyes. The emotion there knocked the breath out of his lungs. Magnus’s eyes were shining, and the gleam was far prettier than any ring ever could be.

And then, before Alec knew what was happening, Magnus was standing in front of him, hand outstretched. Alec took it, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet and straight into a searing kiss.

It was messier than probably anyone in the cafe wanted to see, and Alec could taste the salt from both of their tears, but it was perfect. It was perfect because it was them, and because they both wanted this, both wanted happily ever after and til death do us part. They pulled away, laughing a little as they both gasped for air.

“I love you,” Alec said, pulling the ring he’d bought from its box and slipping it onto Magnus’s waiting finger.

Magnus marvelled at it for a moment before taking Alec’s offered hand and slipping the ring he’d purchased onto his finger. “I love you, too,” he said. Magnus laughed suddenly, the sound delighted. “Your sister beat us to it again,” he complained with a lighthearted grin.

“Yeah,” Alec smiled back. “Yeah, she did. I think I’ll forgive her, though. This was a pretty good turn of events, I think.”

“I’ll have to agree with you there, darling,” Magnus said, eyes sparkling. “Speaking of events, though, Alexander, what exactly did Isabelle mean when she said she was promised a wedding to plan?”

Alec groaned, dropping his head onto Magnus’s shoulder. “Payment for writing that missed connection post back when I was just hopelessly pining after you. Izzy’s words, not mine,” he said. He raised his head, grinning as he looked at Magnus. “She wasn’t incorrect, though.”

Magnus beamed at him, thumb ghosting over Alec’s fingers and the new ring there. “Not that I doubt your sister’s impeccable taste, but I don’t suppose she’d be willing to make this a collaborative effort? Maybe a timeshare on the wedding planning?”

Alec laughed and leaned forward to kiss his boyf— his fiancé’s —cheek. “I’m sure she’ll be willing to renegotiate the contract to include our input, considering she ruined not just one, but both of our proposals.”

Magnus leaned closer, hovering barely an inch away from Alec. “‘Ruin’ doesn’t seem entirely accurate,” he whispered into the space between their lips before closing the short distance that for a moment felt as wide as vast as the ocean.

No, Alec thought as Magnus kissed him. ‘Ruin’ wasn’t accurate at all.

[ralfstrashcan]

3x19 Reaction / Commentary

I didn't even skip breakfast today, it's almost as if I'm a real functioning adult ahahaha.

SDFALFJSKLDFJASDF I'M ALREADY A MESS

Ngl those first few shots made me think I had fallen headfirst into a zombie apocalypse movie. Wind swooshing through the speakers, no living soul in sight, no cars driving, just Magnus walking along the street, on the Boulevard of Broken Dreams hahahahaha sorry I'll stop.

Wow what a jerk.

There's been so many hilarious jokes about the “What fool summoned you” line, and my favorite one will forever remain this.

So, points to Magnus for asking, minus points for buying this shit not-sound-at-all story. Even “fatherly love” can't just screw the laws of nature, okay, Magnus shouldn't just skim over this. Then again I can definitely cut him slack on this because he is a little preoccupied with other problems at the moment.

Listen, Magnus's body language throughout this whole scene (and also throughout the sneak peek we saw for 3x20) is so expressive. Imma skim over it because I plan to do a thorough Relationship / Scene Analysis for Magnus and Asmodeus, so let me just leave this picture here uncommented.

No wait, I have a question. Isn't Magnus's magic occupied with guarding Lilith's home? Did Asmodeus pick it up before summoning himself or did he call it just now? Also, does Asmodeus know that Lilith is on the loose? Then again, is she even? Because no Shadowhunter can be bothered to look for her and she did say that she wanted to go back to Edom... but that was probably a lie to get Cain to cooperate. And how could she even send herself back to Edom? So many questions. Anyway moving on because who cares about Lilith.

Magnus's face when he gets his magic back. ....................yes I have no witty words here, sorry.

Lol okay I have. I love this scene, I absolutely LOVE Magnus's face and how expressive it is, but I've also been dreaming of an epic eye-sparkling, energy-crackling mid-battle-scene where Magnus regains his magic for uhhhh almost a year now, and in terms of dramatic-ness this was pretty anti-climactic. And I think we can agree he won't lose his magic again and then get it back in a more dramatic fashion. Also where are his cat eyes I feel cheated.

I mean, come on, even he gets to show them!! Btw what a dick cunning move to use them to manipulate Magnus. Since they made a compelling argument the first time around.

Also LOL Asmodeus playing nice for one second and when Magnus denies him he immediately shows his hand with “I won't take no for an answer.” Man has no patience XD

Finally I wanna give a huge HUGE shout out to Magnus for resisting Asmodeus becuase can you even imagine how low he must be feeling and yet he has enough presence of mind left to realize that whatever comfort Asmodeus offers can't be true, there must be a hook and it's best to stay away. Dude what strength.

“I only lost sight of her for a minute.” “Enough time for the Evil Rune to have taken hold.”

Uuuhhhh since when?? Did they also go to the bathroom together before?? Did I miss that?? I mean, sure, Clary was drifting sometimes, but she spent a whole half episode in the same cell as Jonathan with Jace “away” behind the glass wall and out of her sight, so...... yeah. This is a little sudden.

She keeps saying that but we have yet to see her actually filter anything. #nofilter

“No one can hurt us if we get to Morning Star first. And once we have that sword the entire world will be terrified of us....”

So he wants that evil sword not to open a rift but to keep the NY Shadowhunters off his back so he can live his life in peace. I-n-t-e-r-e-s-t-i-n-g.

Yes, good. Finally learned your lesson.

.............Or not??? I mean it's not like Clary pretended to be on his side before, to lull him into a false security and gain the upper hand. Why would he fall for it now? Because he acts like Jace is the only risk factor here, and Clary is of course truly and wholly on his side. I mean, true, the circumstances are different since she freed him and all, but like. Guy must have trust issues by now. Where are they.

Also

he should start a self help group with Alec hahahahahaha *weeping*

Me, waiting for the next episode of Shadowhunters. (Also I just noticed Simon says “me neither” not “mine neither” so it sounds as if he's not Izzy's thing, either and LOL I couldn't agree more ahahaha.)

Uh-huh, I agree. Perfect timing. I mean, it's not like there was a glaring 98% there earlier, and as if he didn't have plenty of time before to bring this unfortunate line of conversation up. This is on you, Simon. Don't blame the filtering.

HAHAHA ASK ALEC, HE'S GOING TO THROW IT AT HIM HAHAHAHAHAHA

Seriously though. Just, uh, crush it into powder, add some saline solution, done. And I'm not even a scientist. This is intuitive. The heck.

I'm 1000000% on board with all of this, okay. Over excited Alec is the best Alec. Handholding is the best. Magnus's weariness of surprises is headcanon confirmed. Yes to all of it.

So there were a few lines that were widely interpreted as allusions to their kinky sex life and tbh I never bought any of it because I thought it was seeing too much where there was nothing, but this is so very obviously meant in a kinky way that I'll accept it. Another headcanon confirmed ahahaha this episode is so generous to me.

Ugh I'm so gonna have to write something about that. And knowing myself, it'll be sad closeted Alec daydreaming of all the things he can never have.

Question time, what are those weird rivets thingies? Do they hold any meaning? Is their placement of importance? Because they look very deliberate and very there. I'm confused.

Also, this scene was designed to drive me crazy. There's 7 different shots where we see the lock's placement and there are no less than 3 (!!!!!) different placements. Placement #1, #3 and #5 are consistent (though really, #1 and #5 shouldn't even count because they are clearly the same shot, just with Magnus's hand reaching for the lock) on the left side of the yellow lock, to the bottom left of the Dips lock.

Then we see Alec placing it in an empty compartment at the very edge of the construction (placement #2), only for it to be on the compartment below that in the next shot (placement #4), sharing space with a little gray-blueish lock. This is the same place from where Magnus removes it then (placement #6).

I hate inconsistencies, okay, and I really did notice all this the first time watching. I can't not-see stuff like this. The only fun that comes out this detail obsessiveness is the lock that clearly ships Captain America and Captain Marvel (left) and the lock that was placed from two years in the future (right) because ahahahaha did the show forget it takes place in 2016?? It would seem so.

And yes, I chose to focus on this instead of the fact that Magnus incinerates their lock because that hurts my heart too much to think about, okay. That scene was perfect, the music swelling in all the right places and just. So heart-wrenching. I might've teared up a little. You can't prove anything.

Why she not removing those paper thingies? Seems impractical.

Paint on face trope? Check.

Yeah Raphael, lemme pay you some respect for facing your mistakes like that. I like it a lot.

Istg if they don't give him GPS this time and just rely on the tracking rune again, which Jonathan and Clary will insist he blocks, then imma flip my shit.

.......................so many fanfics want to be written here, okay. So many.

Also is no one gonna talk about the fact that they all put the ring on the pointer when that's not the intuitive position to place a ring? For security reasons alone you should put it on your middle finger so it doesn't accidentally slip off. Oh right, I forgot. Magic ring.

I love how Alec's voice wavers and you just know he sends Jace away because he'll start crying if he doesn't (even if in this screen cap Alec looks weirdly happy). Btw headcanon that Jace didn't realize something was up at first and was only tipped off when Izzy asked earlier if Alec was okay, and then he prodded at the parabatai connection and realized... there was nothing. Just a solid wall of nothing, because Alec's been sealing off his feelings completely.

1) Wow, Simon, your condolences are amazing. 2) Please, explain? Is she in a coma? Walking around as if she'd had a lobotomy?? But whatever, just skim over this, she's a minor character anyway and nobody cares about her *shrug*

This is the LAZIEST plot convenience I ever had to see with my own two eyes. I really can't work up the energy to rage about this. Just, wtf. Then again, not calling ahead with vital information seems to be Luke's Thing, just remember the 3x15 disaster. At this point it might as well be considered a character trait of him and no longer plot convenience. *sigh* Also, Shadowhunters are major creeps, am I supposed to believe they don't have a few liters of all of their soldiers' blood stored away somewhere, for reasons?

Uh-huh, Izzy. And if you care to remember, that was about 20 episodes ago. And since vampires have a constant craving for blood they seem to have some kind of metabolic. If you want to tell me that Jace's blood is still IN Simon, then either a) he's been chipping away at the Jace-blood-stash he has hidden in his second gastric and if that runs out he'll no longer be a daylighter or b) Jace's blood went into Simon's cells and changed him on a molecular level..... in which case, to extract it they'd have to remove it, un-daylighter-ing Simon in the process. Or maybe just parts of him? Imagine if he was a daylighter except for his left arm or something. In any case, this is majorly ridiculous and I can't believe I have to suffer through this.

????????????? Who opened that portal? I mean, if he had to call on a warlock to get away, wouldn't it have been easiser for Izzy and Co. to stop him from running through that portal and make him donate some blood first? Instead of forcing this bullshit logic on me? Ugh. But I get it, this is necessary to justify a Sizzy scene. Whatever.

Hahahhahha.

Which means nothing, since Jace can activate his runes without his stele. Or did they forget that part again?? I mean, it's been half a season since he last did that.

“And if it wasn't for our connection I suspect you'd do it again.”

lolololol hilarious.

HAHHAHA WILL YOU STOP WITH THE HILARITY

Honestly, the way they all act I get the distinct feeling I'm watching an exasperated kindergartener and two particularly clingy toddlers vying for her attention XD

Uuuuhhhh yeah hit me with more Malec Flashbacks to make me feel shitty, why don't you.

Okay, consoled. Btw thanks for confirming another headcanon that between the two of them Magnus is the one easier swayed by puppy eyes.

HAHAHAHA of course my mind immediately interpreted that as a misguided pun about Magnus being a Prince of Edom hahahaa wtf Alec

Dammit, his eyes. You can really see how he's allowing himself to start dreaming about it.

Also, can't believe they had a kiddie talk with at least some seriousness, what, two months into their relationship?? Haha. And internally Madzie was like “Uh boring grown up talk, at least I got my sprinkles.”

See, this is what I have problems with. On the one hand, even with all his emotional turmoil going on, Magnus is still enough in his right mind not to fall for Asmodeus's sweet talking, but on the other hand he revisits all of those memories and doesn't realize Alec breaking up with him can't have been real? This doesn't really add up. Either he is out of his mind with emotions that he can't see this very very strange happening for being something fishy (then he shouldn’t have been able to so easily resist Asmodeus), or he's still level-headed enough not to be driven by emotions entirely (then he should have realized the breakup was fake).

toddler fight intensifies

I'M WHEEZING HAHAHAHAHAHAH R U FOR REAL. Also remember my statement from last week? Where I said “I mean, in a way it's nice to know that Demonic Clary isn't smarter than Regular Clary.” Turns out she's so much worse than Regular Clary XD

Lol Raphael is that still you talking or the Plot Point? Because ngl, when I saw that sneak peek promo thingy where Jordan eyes the dramatically last vial of serum in the Institute I immediately thought they want to cook up a conflict there, where he steals the last vial needed to help save Clary and bla bla bla. I really hope they don't go down that road because I feel he should be better than this by now. *sigh* In any case, while I enjoyed the first part of this plot line with Raphael coming here to make reparations, this feels really forced and convenient.

OH MY GOD THANK YOU SIMON FOR ASKING THE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS WTF I NEED ANSWERS

Wow can't believe they pulled this obvious and clearly unfitting parallel to Sizzy. I mean, Simon lost his glasses back in S1 and even before that Izzy noticed he was hot in like ep 2. She's been appreciating him as a friend since at least 2B if not sooner. So please don't pretend that she just didn't notice what a great guy he is, because she did. She knows he's someone you can count on, who's there when you need him, with advice or a joke or just to listen to you. She knows all this, and has for seasons. But, surprise surprise, you don't fall in love with everyone who's a great guy and a good friend. That is a thing. Friendships are a thing. Anyway, at least I can wholeheartedly agree that in any possible scenario Izzy is the hot girl XD

HAHAHA JACE THAT'S PAYBACK FOR ALL THOSE TIMES YOU INTERRUPTED MALEC HAHA KARMA IS A BITCH RIGHT

.......or just use glamors to look like Downworlders. Just saying.

Jonathan using the cuts to get a secretive chest grab in on Jace, but I know all those sleazy tricks and you can't slip that feel-up past me #busted

*weeping tears* yeah, and he'll never get the real deal. what a tragedy.

“...the Downworlder club. I think the runes front and center on my neck make a compelling argument, don't you agree?” Also the foreboding background music totally spoiled this 'twist.' (I'm using ''s because it was totally obvious this wouldn't work.)

Look I just love Alec, okay. I LOVE ALEC.

*waves hand* elite guard *waves hand some more* blue mark on his neck *smacks self in the face with waving hand* look i'm pretty sure Meliorn doesn't have a mark like this and he's like, the only Seelie that gets regular screen and talking time with the queen. But I'm way too behind schedule to start looking into it, I might edit something in here later (or never ahahaha).

OH DEAR THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

YES YES YES PLEASE

DUUUUDE WHY ARE YOU GIVING HIM IDEAS WHAT THE HELL

Also, remembering that short sequence of Magnus shooting red magic at his temples from the promo doesn't bode too well for the rest of the episode. Dammit.

You had one job, Lindsay. One. Job. (Yes, please imagine the Loki Gif here. I just love him a lot, okay. Loki <3<3<3)

(^pls imagine her little disenchanted headshake because any screen caps I tried to take made her look drugged out of her mind lol.)

Yep, this is it. This is it.

Sooooo.... how exactly did they persuade the bouncer? Just curious.

HAHAHAAHAH duuuuuude hahahhaa.

........when exactly did Jonathan spy all that? I mean, I've been having questions about the pacing since that ep with the Baby Jonathan Flashbacks, because that manibus whatever demon? Referring to 2x05. So Jonathan only got to earth after that? Howwww? Not thanks to Valentine, right, since he didn't even know Jonathan existed until 2x15 where Jonathan intercepted him from his portal to Idris? And didn't they say Sebastian Verlac disappeared half a year ago?? How does that all match up?

In any case, I feel like the seelie queen suddenly having a warlock boy toy who she can't order into her realm and who she has monthly scheduled appointments with that the whole shadow world knows about is a) totally absurd b) pretty ooc for her and c) reeking of plot convenience. They just couldn't find a better excuse for her to be at a certain place at a certain time. They should have made her attend a fashion show, or hell, a gardening contest. Would have been more credible than whatever this is.

“I grab the queen. Clary portals the three of us away.” “The four of us, including the queen.”

HAHAHHAHAHHA I CAN'T XD XD XD #slightly consoled

WHEN THE HELL DID JONATHAN READ / WATCH THE SHINING ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW WTF!!!!!

1) This doesn't work in real life. Do you have any idea how much time it takes to catch a snow flake or a raindrop this way? I know because I've tried, and the anwer is ages. 2) Seems a very uneconomical way to distrubute drugs. Whoever invented that business model must be in deep depts by now. 3) What kind of shitty plan was that on Jonathan's part? Get Jace on drugs, he'll surely expose himself to be a traitor? I hate the fact that it works. I hate that everyone's shitty plans always work (re: Sizzy's dilettantish prison infiltration) because that's why they all keep making shitty plans. Positive reinforcement and all that. The only one who always gets punched in the face for making okay-to-good plans is Alec, and that's why he's the overthinker. So unfair.

“Well this is awkward because I just stole it for you.”

So frakkin predictable. Also, how did he steal it from the table when Izzy and Simon where guarding it?? It clearly was still there when Maia left and like

Did Jordan just grab it and run? So many questions.

Don't get me wrong, that whole forging the sword sequence was super badass, but like, if you're wielding scorching hot metal it seems a little impractical to just wear security goggles and a leather apron. There were freaking sparks flying and Izzy ducked. What the hell. What about, idk, unconventional but, a protective suit?? And Simon isn't any better. “Oh, I could die from this sword? Just lemme hide behind this doorway real quick.” *sigh* One of these days a character should die because of dumbass behavior, maybe that'd teach them all a lesson.

Also, this is totally logic. They had a splinter from the original sword that they then made tons of serum from, which they saved 3 vials of..... and somehow this was still enough to forge a whole new frikking sword that's apparently just as powerful as the original one. I don't even know where to start with this bullshit.

.................dude, if you wanted to persuade her you should have pointed out the ring to her. But maybe this isn't about logic at all, this is about wanting to know if he is Clary's first choice without logic or reason, and that would make sense for his character, even if it's not the most sensible or productive course of action.

Me, during the fight scene: “Wow, I believe all that Seelie guard slaughtering is not going to end up in a Downworlder vs Shadowhunter war again..... ha..... hahahaha.”

Arguing with a possessed person. Again. Honestly this is the, uhhh, fifth time this happens on this show? And people just seem to never learn. SIGH

Yeah, by not following the plan and acting stupid, so my sympathy is pretty limited aka non-existent. Btw his slide across the Institute floor was hilarious. And also, pretty nice of Clary not to just kill him. This is the second time she's spared him. Interesting.

ISTG IF THIS SCENE ENDS WITH A CLIFFHANGER IF HE GOES THROUGH WITH IT OR NOT IMMA FLIP MY SHIT

*manic laughter* I love that this makes so much sense. Asmodeus needs Magnus's heartbreak so he'll be susceptible to Asmodeus's influence. So his motives are shitty. On the other hand it's not as if what Asmodeus says to Magnus isn't the truth. Fighting through this will make Magnus stronger, no doubt. Knowing he can be this low and still get back on his feet without running away and succumbing to the pain. And I'm glad, for obvious reasons, that Magnus didn't go through with the memory removal because ain't nobody got time for those issues. Mending the breakup in a satisfying was will be hard enough as is. Back to the scene at hand, I gotta say I love this about Asmodeus: He doesn't lie outright, he mostly lies by omission, and he speaks enough truth to really screw with everyone's perception. It's awesome. He is such a great antagonist and his dynamic with Magnus is highly fascinating.

Conclusion: Not enough Malec (seriously, their only scenes together are flashbacks? the frakkin audacity) but tbh I'm still too high on endorphines since the memory removal didn't happen that I'm mostly okay with it. And the Jonathan-Jace comedy was nice.

[jcmorgenstern]

fake killing off Clary just to have the Clave pardon her was stupid. I wanted her and Jon to be on the run while the Clave collectively shits their pants over Valentine's children being loose in the world. They'd swing by the NY Institute to pick up Jace like "get in loser we're doing crime" and Jace could do his undercover thing and no one would have to suffer :( except the randos that Clary and Jon murder :( :(

ok i was LITERALLY just thinking about this when i remembered someone sent me this ask like 200,000 years ago (back before the dinosaurs roamed the earth) so ummm better late than never eh?

Honestly I really didn’t like the decision to pardon Clary “posthumously” because there….was no reason to do so? Look, Jia is apparently so cartoonishly insane she wants to raise Valentine from the dead just to have a wee chat with him, there’s no way she’d backtrack on her EXECUTION order after Clary was dead. There’s no need–she’s already dead, right?–and it just makes look Jia look weak, something the Consul would never allow. Also, I’m just annoyed in general that the show has COMPLETELY forgotten that tons of high-ranking Clave members are secretly Circle (ie MALACHI, hello) and probably want Clary dead for a) killing valentine and b) being a danger to any plans to idk, toast the downworld or have a coup to make the circle powerful again or whatever.

Also it’s narrative unsatisfying because no one actually worked to get that pardon. The whole risk was that in saying “fuck you” to the Clave to save Jace, Clary would face real consequences, but those consequences appear and then…dissappear as inexplicably as they came? the whole leadup of 3a (which imo was very effective) is that Clary and Jace are lying about the wish….and then in 3b it’s totally dropped in the most unimaginative way possible. like maybe alec pulls strings, blackmails someone—even jace!! he is, after all, a herondale (even if he did sort of kill imogen whOOPS). Also who even IS inquisitor right now??? I legit thought it would be Victor since he appeared to be Imogen’s only underling, but he shows up in a completely different department with a years-long nefarious plan to commit genocide???? um??? ok???

anyway back to the point before this becomes an aldertree stan rant. Honestly i would have enjoyed the early team evil a lot more if Clary was like “ok listen here you fake ginger asshole, we DO need each other because the clave wants both of us dead but here are the ground rules. you fuck off if i say so and if not i stab you again. i don’t care if it hurts. fuck you” and then there’s the uneasy “partnership” where you’re never quite sure who’s betraying who and also drama!! and the sword!! and Jonathan going behind Clary’s back communicating with Meliorn and Clary going behind his back with Jace….IM JUST SAYING. also exactly as anon says undercover jace could have been introduced way earlier….like maybe the pardon for clary is contingent on him proving she’s innocent and with jonathan under duress, but the rune thing is happening and clary and jonathan are becoming more and more alike and jace is like….um shit lol i wasn’t prepared for that…and jonathan is like no way, the pardon is a trap, they’re just going to kill you!! and jace is like when has this idiot ever been right about anything in his life!! and clary is like wow you know it’s kind of hot when you two argue keep doing it…ANYWAY.

and then maybe jonathan goes off on his plan to kill lilith and jace arranges with the Gang to trap both of them and jonathan is McPissed and thinks clary betrayed him and it seems like the bond is broken (or is it?) and there’s clace happy times UNTIL the bond is threatened and clary is like…umm :))) maybe not :))) and rescues jonathan and everyone is like JACE WTF and jace is like “nothing about this is my fault :))” and they forge glorious etc etc

ALSO they could have tied all this in by making the heavenly fire investigation thing a real deal (personally i would have made it malachi’s pet project that jia hasn’t been consul long enough to know about….or Has She :)) and then draw in the magnus and alec storyline by emphasizing the war between asmodeus and lilith more, like kick that off earlier and weave it into magnus mourning the loss of his magic. so malec are off grave robbing and shit and trying to find the morgenstern sword to threaten asmodeus with (maybe they don’t know only a morgenstern can weild it, or assume jace and clary will get back SOMETIME lol) and maybe alec is dealing with political intrigue from jia and maybe even INQUISITOR aldertree or whatnot and magnus is like omg please ive been dealing with this petty infighting for centuries and teaches alec how to school some fools. and maybe raphael is izzy’s informant BUT simon gets arrested unfairly so they can study his downworlder blood so raphael and izzy have to team up to rescue him and there’s ~poly vibes~ ALSO team evil totally breaks luke out of prison you can’t change my mind.

anyway im just saying this season was organized by a 4th grader and it makes me  kind of mad? Like i did genuinely think this was the storyline we were gonna get (or at least something like it) and i felt they wasted a lot of time noodling around with separate plots that went nowhere instead of trying to find one unified thing that could make the season move forward (ie the war between lilith and asmodeus, and uprising with the seelie queen and maybe lorenzo teaming up with heidi and maia’s like UM hello not on my watch) like idk man i just felt the arc plot was so badly thought through and im pretty sure you pointed this out like….during 3x11 and 12 so lke…..it was pretty obvious from the get-go that there’s a better way to do it

ANYWAY sorry that was a ramble but ummm those are my thoughts and sorry anon for being so Late ily

[sapphicalexaandra]

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Pairing: Jace/Alec

Rating: T

Summary: When Jace is taken by Valentine, Alec would do anything to get him back.

Notes: What is this, a proper, long sequel? It didn't take too long, did it. Anyway, this is a rewriting/retracing of the start of s2, set after 'We're Not Lovers', and it includes scenarios that I had envisioned before the season even aired. Hope you will like it, and, again, this is NOT the end for this series. The title is from the song of the same name by Death Cab for Cutie, which is kind of fitting, as well as the song 'Follow You' by Bring Me The Horizon.

Alec’s whole body was twitching. First one finger, then a knee, then a muscle on his face; random parts of him all rose from the bed or moved inexplicably from their resting place, time after time, breath after breath. Only his eyes were unmoving, wide open and burning from lack of moisture.

Every spasm seemed to spell one name – the only name that mattered. Jace.

Two whole days had passed since Valentine took Jace through a portal, and Alec hadn’t slept. Two whole days, and Jace still hadn’t been recovered! Everyone was against him, against Jace, from Victor fucking Aldertree, to his mother, to Jace’s own mother – all people who were trying to get his parabatai killed and, as a result, Alec himself. And then there were those who just couldn’t hurry up and who thought Alec was just getting worked up over nothing. Half of his own soul was lost in the clutches of the most dangerous man of the Shadow world, and Alec was expected to sit down and hope for the best?!

He got up, pacing the room like a caged animal, the spasms in his body only worsening. He’d started having them ever since Jace’s disappearance had sank in, or that was what he thought. Yet, Alec had no idea what they meant. Jace was less than a ghost, a veil seeming to have been drawn on him and their bond…so maybe Alec’s body was simply receiving ripples from whatever the hell was happening to his parabatai?

In any case, Alec didn’t think it could be anything good, knowing Valentine. The uncertainty, and the certainty at the same time, put him in a restless state as more and more time went by. Jace was in pain, alone, back with the person who had hurt him the most in his entire life, and he would need Alec now more than ever. He needed to do something!

Tracking him had been a waste of time, since Jace had appeared back in New York right in that very moment, before vanishing once again – still, should Alec try again? Would Magnus accept to help him a second time? Except, even in that case, he’d have to wait for the day to start, when the ban to leave the Institute – put on him after his insubordination – would be redacted. Too many hours, when every minute he wasted meant agony for Jace!

He should try on his own; that was something. Alec went to pick his stele up from his bedside table…but he stopped before his fingers touched it. Memories of pain and a weakened bond rushed back to him. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to Jace, to them, again. He had promised not to ever risk their bond like that, not anymore.

What could he do?! He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t find a solution in the confinement of the night and of his room, he couldn’t blast the walls down since nothing would be gained from revealing that particular power, except the assurance that he’d truly never see Jace again…

Alec was just about ready to tear his hair out.

He went to the training room instead.

One. Two. Three.

Punch. Punch. Punch.

His hits echoing in the chamber all around him, Alec hoped that if he strained himself enough, he’d stop thinking…or, if his hands started bleeding, the pain would fill the void inside him.

His breath came out in puffs. The sweat on his body trickled on the floor. He was so focused that his vision encompassed only that patch of leather where his fists fell down over and over again.  

When, suddenly, he saw something else.

Another fist, directed right at his face.

Alec jumped backwards, his heart missing a beat, and he blinked a few times. There was only the punching bag in front of him, nothing else.

His heart was now thumping wildly, his mind a question mark. What the hell was that?

But when nothing else happened, Alec could only resume his punching, brow furrowed.

One. Two. Three.

Punch. Punch. Punch.

The strained tendons in his arms screamed at him to slow down, but he didn’t care to listen. He had seen something, he was sure of it. He needed to take another look.

It took him longer than before, to get to that trance-like focus, but in the end he managed it…and that fist came back into his line of sight, intermittently, as if someone was switching the light on and off on that scene every other second. That hand seemed to be hitting him over and over again, a bald and brutish face attached to it, but Alec never felt it get to him.

When, suddenly, he realized what was probably going on. Someone was hitting Jace, not him…

Something like this had never happened. Their powers (mostly) included things that runes could do – enhanced ten folds, without actually having to use the runes, yes, but hardly more than that. It surely didn’t allow them to see what the other saw.

Until now.

Somewhere, somehow, someone was hitting Jace, and Alec could see it through Jace’s own eyes.

That is, until he started only seeing red. Someone was hitting Jace – his Jace! And the anger behind his punches became thunderous, the pain shooting up his arms every blow striking him like lightning bolts…but he couldn’t care less about his own pain, because he now knew what was happening to Jace. But at what cost?! His wish to know had been fulfilled, yes, but he had no more a way to help him than before!

It only felt like a cruel joke.  

Jace, if you can hear me, I’m here! Just hold on a little longer, I swear I’ll find you! Just you wait for me!

Then, not only metaphorically anymore, a gush of actual red erupted in front of him, and Alec realized it came from Jace. He was coughing up blood, but the man that was torturing him wasn’t sparing him any mercy. He was about to rain down on Jace once more. 

Alec couldn’t allow that any longer.

Irrationally, hopelessly, he brought a leg back, then sprung it forward, toward the punching bag, with all of his strength …only to have his calf collide with the brutish man’s ribs instead.

It didn’t look like his own leg, though – it was Jace’s leg…and Alec found himself hanging by the hands, his upper half naked, the pain in his entire body so much worse than before that his strained arms had been practically nothing. As he kicked at Jace’s torturer, however, fueled by a rage he had never felt in his life, he didn’t care. The man doubled over, falling on the ground, and Alec broke out of his chains with a growl. It was Jace’s voice coming out of him.

Ignoring just as well the new wave of pain that hit him as he landed on his hands and knees, he didn’t waste any time questioning the hows and whys of the situation, because he needed to get Jace out of there, wherever he was! Alec started running, barely taking in the cages and more chains hanging in that giant room; he only knew, somehow, where the stairs were, and he started climbing them at breakneck speed. Whenever he encountered someone trying to stop him, he fought them back with a strength he didn’t know he – they – had. Only when he reached the deck – of Valentine’s ship! – did he stop. Dozens of people, as well as Valentine himself, were surrounding him. He would’ve fought them all, he could’ve killed them all, and then he would’ve opened a portal to get Jace back to the Institute, he just knew he had enough channeled energy in that moment to do it…

But right as Alec was about to act, his head was suddenly split in half by a ringing sound. He grabbed at his head, unable to stifle a shout, everyone looking at him as if he were a madman…the view behind them looked very familiar…and he was on the ground of the Institute training room.

“Alec, wake up, please, wake up!”

Alec’s eyes shot open and his sister’s worried face hovering over him was the first thing he saw. He bolted upright, a weird sense of panic settling in him as he slowly found his bearings again.

Why the hell was he on the floor? Why were Izzy, his mother, and Victor Aldertree, all in their nightwear, surrounding him and looking at him as if he was going to pass out again?

“What is the meaning of this, Mr. Lightwood?” Aldertree addressed him, unsuccessfully hiding his annoyance at the situation.

Izzy looked up at their new boss with equally hidden reproach, as her hands tightened their hold on Alec’s, but before she could do anything, Maryse stepped up. Sending a quick, nervous side-glance in Aldertree’s direction, she crouched down next to her son, and started speaking in a hushed, seething tone, “Alec, how could you do this? Your behavior is becoming unacceptable…first you run off, then you break Institute property? Apologize, immediately.”

Alec had stayed unmoving with his mouth hanging open during the entire exchange, his head threatening to explode any minute, but his mother’s words got a reaction out of him. Turning his head, he noticed for the first time the literal…mess in front of them. The entire back window of the training room had fallen down, a punching bag laying on its remains – a bed of broken glass.

That sight sent a spark to Alec’s brain. “Jace!” he shouted aloud without even meaning to, as he struggled to get on his feet. 

“Excuse me, what?”

Aldertree’s crossed voice forced Alec to turn his gaze away from the glass and towards him, where he found three sets of confused and expectant eyes staring at him. He had to give an explanation, quick. “I – I mean, I’m sorry, I just…”

I know where Jace is. I can get us all there, and take him back.

But how could he explain how he had gotten that information without revealing his and Jace’s incriminating powers?

His mind started scrambling for an answer at the rate of his accelerated heartbeat. “I – I didn’t mean to – I will get it fixed, I promise! I just…couldn’t sleep and needed to unwind, so I came here, when – when I received a fire message! From Jace!”  

Three pairs of eyebrows shot up.

“What are you saying, Alec? Mr. Aldertree, I apologize for my son’s behavior, he’s clearly not thinking lucidly, he must’ve hit his hea–”

“My head’s perfectly fine, and I know what happened!” Alec interrupted his mother, feeling more and more frantic. “A message appeared and it distracted me, so I accidentally sent the bag flying, okay? It had the coordinates of Valentine’s ship, by the Angel! Don’t you see? Jace managed to send it to me! But then – then the message exploded and I fell on the ground and must’ve passed out. Wait a minute, though, how did you all find me here?”

“A guard heard the crush and saw you hurt, so he sent for us,” Izzy told him distractedly, clearly still thinking over what Alec had said. “It was scary, you weren’t waking up for so long…but really, what did the message say exac-”

“Just make me understand, Mr. Lightwood,” Aldertree said then, slowly, as if talking to a mental patient. “You’re saying that Jace Wayland sent you a message containing his and Valentine’s whereabouts?”

Alec spoke over his mother’s impending protest, “Yes.”

“Do you realize that this could very well be a trap?”

Alec gulped, but didn’t budge under Aldertree’s stare. “It might, yes. But do you really not want to use this information, trap or not? You’re going to sit here and not send a raid over to Valentine’s ship…sir?  You could end up capturing Valentine himself, and Jace too! Think of how much the Clave will be pleased with us, with you, sir. But I assure you that Jace’s as much, if not more, a victim in this as anyone who gets played by Valentine. You might not believe that, you don’t need to believe that, but I think Jace’s done the Clave’s work for enough time to deserve a fair trial.” 

Alec, Izzy and Maryse all stayed silent, watching Aldertree with trepidation as he took his time to respond. The new Head of the New York Institute furrowed his brow. “I’ll take this information to the Inquisitor, and we’ll see what’s to be done about it. I give no guarantees to what will happen to the traitor Jace Wayland, but if he’s really as innocent as you say, the Soul Sword will be the one to decide that. In any case, neither of you, as well as Clary and Jocelyn Fairchild, will be allowed on this mission.”

Alec’s and Izzy’s protests were inevitable.

“We’re the best team you have around here, you can’t–”

“He’s my parabatai, he sent this message to me! I have the right–”

“Alec! Isabelle! Don’t talk like this to the Head–” 

“QUIET! All of you!”

The Lightwoods shut up. Aldertree was furious.

Alec more so. “I will not give this information if me or Izzy aren’t in on this mission, unless you torture me out of it! And do you really want to lose this much time and resources, when Valentine could strike us down any minute? Send us both, as well as whoever you want, and we’ll do whatever you say...sir. These are my conditions.” 

Aldertree’s face twitched for a moment, before he regained his cool. “I am in charge here, I set the conditions and decide what needs to be done! So you will receive notification of my, and the Clave’s, decision tomorrow. Now, guards, bring them all to their rooms, and make sure they stay there. And find someone to clean up this mess!”

Alec and Izzy shared a meaningful look when they were about to be lead their separate ways, and Alec mentally debated whether he should tell her the truth – but he decided he would not. They had never explicitly brought her in on their secret, and he wouldn’t start now. The stakes were too high.

At least, Alec was practically sure Aldertree would see it as he did and cave to his demands. His new ‘boss’ had been quite easy to read – he was a calculative, ambitious man, and he’d go as far or as near as would be more convenient to his ultimate goal: power and influence with the Clave. Alec had to admit he found himself in that, and he wasn’t entirely pleased by it. Still, that meant two could play at this game, and Aldertree was but an amateur, a mere nuisance in Alec’s path to Jace. He didn’t stand a chance.

Until morning, however, Alec was left to turn around in his bed once again, images of what had truly happened swirling in his mind. The sheer scope of that new ability he had discovered should’ve been a bigger concern for him right then – after all, him and Jace were broken up, they were supposed to be moving on from their romantic feelings for each other, and the fact that apparently that wasn’t keeping their powers from getting stronger didn’t sound good. Yet, it was rather the thought that his stint in trying to break Jace free had caused Jace even worse repercussions – Valentine couldn’t take well to an escape attempt – that tasted bitter in Alec’s mouth. No…it was real physical agony, right under his ribcage.

I’m so sorry, Jace. But I will get to you…I promise.

The abrupt way in which the pain stopped took Jace’s breath away. Only his hands and arms were still stinging, but compared to what he had been feeling before, it was nothing. That new blissful sensation positively made him dizzy, as well as the fact that the adrenaline was starting to fade now that he didn’t need it.

That was why Jace let himself unceremoniously drop on the ground of…the Institute training room? He was pretty sure it was that, just as he knew it, except that the entire back window was now broken, a punching bag the apparent cause for it. Weird, but Jace didn’t particularly care. He was probably passed out, and was dreaming of being – home. Therefore, there was no reason not to lay down and enjoy that moment of peace, until a bucket of water woke him up again.

Except…why did the pain on his knuckles feel so real? And why were the runes on his arms different? He could’ve sworn the one on his left forearm was the exact same Alec had…

Jace looked down at his body with a more critical look, and there was no mistaking the fact that it was entirely too big. He didn’t have such long legs, nor were his hair so dark. He touched his head and the mop there didn’t feel like his own at all. And he could clearly feel it, so could this really be a dream?

But what other explanation could there be? He was apparently in Alec’s body – not in the fun way, but in the impossible kind of way, because people didn’t just suddenly switch bodies. So, it must’ve been his imagination running wild.

Too bad, then, that the dream wasn’t more on that first line of thought; after all, if he really had to keep his senses in a bloody dream, why not have it there be pleasure instead of pain? His entire life seemed to be made of pain, with only Alec as his bright spot, his peace, his home – which he had lost…so maybe he should make this new kind of ‘being in Alec’s body’ fun.

Laying down on his back, Jace’s – Alec’s – hands started wandering on their own. It was thrilling, how instead of his own skin Jace felt that same body he had loved and worshipped so many times that he would recognize it anywhere. And it was almost narcissistic, the rush of feelings and affection – that he had suppressed, with a few exceptions, ever since Alec had broken them off, but especially under Valentine’s watchful and calculative eye – that rose in him for what was, right then, himself. It was exhilarating, too.

Before he could get too into it, however, Jace heard rapidly approaching voices and footsteps coming from outside the room. Dream or not, it wasn’t polite to be touching oneself in front of other people, unless they happened to be Alec in Jace’s body.

Chuckling softly to himself (what a scenario that would be...), Jace closed his eyes; he had the feeling that was the best course of action, for whatever reason. Something was telling him that he ought to pretend he couldn’t hear what those people were saying.

“Sir, I thought it was best to come inform you,” a first, nervous voice was saying. 

“All good, all good. Stay outside the door and don’t let anyone come in,” an authoritarian, accented voice replied.

“Wait!” Jace knew who that voice belonged to…Izzy? “Let me in! I want to see my brother!”

“Miss Lightwood, what do you think you’re doing here? Who called you?” the accented voice asked her, rather coldly.

“He’s my brother, of course I’ve been called. Mom! Something’s happen to Ale–”

“I know, Isabelle. Mr. Aldertree, I apologize for my daughter’s…exuberance, but, please, let’s just go see what is going on with my son.”

The one called Mr. Aldertree must’ve agreed, because the next thing Jace heard was the door opening and three sets of footsteps walking towards him. Jace tried to slow down his breathing.

“By the Angel!” he heard Izzy exclaim.

Then she was rushing to him. The feel of the new presence next to him, the way her hands were touching him to make sure he had a pulse…were entirely too real for this to be a dream. Everything that was unfolding seemed way too detailed, slow, not foggy, weird or out of time as any dream should be.

Was Jace actually in Alec’s body?  

When that thought occurred to him, Jace started searching his brain for a recollection of what he had been doing that could’ve led him there, but all he came up with was that, one moment he was being ‘taught’ by one of his father’s henchmen, and the next he had found himself in the Institute. So it must’ve been Alec…maybe he was the one who had figured out how to switch places with Jace. Probably by accident. Alec was most likely the one punching the bag now on the ground; he must’ve sent it flying out of anger, which had made him unable to keep in check his powers…

This wasn’t good. If Jace’s hypothesis was right, Alec was now on Valentine’s ship, being tortured…and if he was still raging, he might not care to hide his abilities, and he could start hitting back. This wasn’t good! Jace had tried so hard not to let Valentine have even a hint of what Jace was truly capable of, or the reason why it was so. Valentine wouldn’t care that they had broken the Law, on the contrary; his father would start his own experiments on the limits and scope of parabatai magic. And he would use the knowledge of Jace’s love against both of them, but especially Alec!

Trying to stay calm and unmoving under scrutiny became harder as he realized what Valentine now had under his care, even if Alec happened to not outright lash out. Cause what if his father, with his uncanny perspicacity, figured out anyway that the Jace there wasn’t exactly him?

His parabatai – his…everything – had never been more in danger! 

“Alec, please, wake up,” Izzy whispered to him then. Jace could feel her hovering over him.

“Use an irazte on him,” ordered Mr. Aldertree, who Jace was starting to get more and more fed up with every second. Who the hell was he and why were they deferring to him?

Raising his shirt, Izzy did as she was told. Jace had no doubts that she did that only because it meant helping her brother.  

As the healing effect of the rune started soothing his body, Jace could only think, Please, Alec, don’t do anything rush, please, stay quiet, even though he knew Alec couldn’t hear him.

He needed to act quickly. If he pretended to wake up, he simply had to tell the others it had all just been an accident, and they’d sent him to his – Alec’s – room, where he could try to figure out how to reverse the process.

Just as Jace thought that, however, a ringing sound suddenly sparked into his head, splitting it in half…and he would’ve screamed, if he didn’t find himself kneeling on the ship’s deck, surrounded by Circle members, his father in front of him.

“I would’ve thought you were smarter than this, Jonathan,” Valentine said.  

It was pointless trying to fight back as two men went to grab Jace by the arms, while two others pointed swords at him. They marched him back to his room – more of a cell – and his only defiance could be a stubborn silence as Valentine kept scolding him like the disobedient child that he saw him as.

“What were you thinking, Jonathan? Really, tell me, because I honestly can’t understand you. I’m trying to make you the soldier you’re meant to be, and you repay me with the most brainless escape attempt I’ve ever seen in my life?”

Jace painted a grin on his face. “I was just testing your security, Father. I’d advice you to train your guards a little better.”

“Don’t make light of the situation, Jonathan. Don’t you know that humor is the sign of a weak mind?”

Valentine was pacing the small space, hands behind his back, shaking his head from time to time as he probably thought back to all of his son’s failures. Jace forced himself not to laugh in his father’s face – if only he knew what had really happened – as he sat cross-armed and cross-legged on his cot.

“Since you say everything about me is weak, I don’t see why fighting it at this point,” he quipped.

“Not everything about you is weak, Jonathan.”

Valentine stopped in his tracks, turning towards Jace with that stricken look on his face that always made Jace’s heart clench painfully, because it almost resembled…affection. It’s all a lie, he had to remind himself, he doesn’t care about you.

Jace dreaded to imagine what kind of state he’d be in if he hadn’t known what true affection felt like. The jumble of thoughts and feelings…even now, when he could feel the difference between this and what he had experienced since Valentine had faked his own death, it was hard to reconcile what he knew of his father and what he wanted him to be. A real father, whom he could love without fear of the consequences, because he’d be expected to and he wouldn’t be punished for showing such emotion.

Instead, Jace was left with one lesson, which still hadn’t been proved entirely wrong. To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed. The way Jace always seemed to end up hurting Alec the most was the prime example of that.

“You have true potential,” Valentine continued, “the ability to turn around your weaknesses for the better. Jonathan, you have to believe that I’m only doing this for your own good.”

It’s all a lie, Jace forcefully thought, or if it isn’t, your ‘love’ will only destroy me.  

“Are we done here, Father?” was all that Jace voiced. “Or do you have another lesson to give me?”

Valentine frowned. “I realize I have to change tactics with you, so we’ll see.” He made to leave the room, a fist almost on the door to call to be let out, but he stopped. “One last thing. I could swear I saw something strange in the way you behaved earlier. You almost didn’t look like yourself. Do you have any idea why I had that impression?”

Valentine’s eyes were piercing like a hawk’s, uncomfortably fixed on him while Jace tried to keep his body in check, unflinching, unmoved. He hoped his father couldn’t hear his tellingly accelerated heartbeat, as he responded, “No. Why would I? I told you I was testing you.”

“Clearly, you still have a lot to learn,” were his father’s parting words as he got out and locked him in.

Jace didn’t know when that door would open again, or if he would eat any time soon…but it didn’t matter. He was full enough of the worry for what his father had noticed and could decide to investigate. No cell in him believed Valentine had been persuaded so easily out of that line of thought.

Jace brought a hand to his side, where his parabatai rune was. The coldness, the numbness he felt there was the most depressive of his feelings. Ever since they’d tied their souls together, Jace had relied on Alec’s reassuring presence to be there with him, in him, at all times. Not being able to feel him, either as a comfort or a way to make sure he was fine, was the cruelest of his punishments aboard Valentine’s ship.  

Alec, are you okay? He asked him anyway. I swear, I won’t let him get to you.

The next day was worse than all the ones before. He was given pain instead of bread, while he walked on eggshells, trying to circle around his father’s suspicions. Valentine seemed truly interested to see anything strange coming from him, like he knew something ought to be there. Yet, he couldn’t know the truth, or Jace wouldn’t hear the end of it. He doesn’t know, he can’t know, don’t let him know, was his mantra, then, every time he caught his father watching him. He pushed his powers down even further than before, and Jace could only hope nothing would come from Alec’s side again.

He did get that Alec must’ve been desperate, not knowing what was going on with him, wishing to have him back, just as Jace did. More than maddening, worse than hell, it was truly a silent death when a soul couldn’t be with its other half. Jace, after all, always felt as if he were about to fade away, every new day making it feel more and more remote a time when he used to be so entangled with Alec that he had forgotten what was like being without him.

Jace would’ve never wanted to be reminded. Even at their worst strives, in their weakest moments – the last one far too recent – their bond had never been…nothingness. It was true that Alec wasn’t his lover, wasn’t his - a fact that in the past had made them even closer to one another – anymore, and hadn’t been for a while, but they had still always been one. Suddenly not being anymore…no, he couldn’t fault Alec for that accidental mess.

And if he let himself think about it, the fact that they had actually switched bodies was rather incredible. Still, it was no true way to be with him, and what was power to an empty soul? Jace couldn’t even deny to himself the fact that thoughts of Alec were what made him get through the days on Valentine’s ship.

He shouldn’t feel that way, Jace thought then, as he was reminded of everything that had transpired on that same ship. If he couldn’t take the separation, he should want something else for Alec. He should be glad that Alec was free of him and his poisonous, demonic presence.

Demon. Jace had demon blood. That was why everything he touched died. If he was really pure, he should want to spare Alec that same fate…but it wasn’t in his nature. He only wanted Alec back, and felt some kind of relief at the knowledge that Alec wanted that just as much, to the point of almost screwing everything up. 

Fighting his nature was also exactly the opposite of what his father was trying to make him do.

That was how Jace found himself kidnapping a werewolf girl, for no other reason than the fact that she was the perfect scapegoat for Valentine’s crusade, and he had been ordered to.  

“Kill her,” was his father’s demand.

But he couldn’t. Not like he had killed that vampire, Maria; breaking the Accords. If he did that, he’d truly be the traitor the Clave thought him to be, and he’d never be able to go back home.

And, truth be told, no matter his demon blood, he didn’t want to do that. While his father had some valid points, thinking that the Clave did his job very poorly in securing the safety of the world, Jace believed - had to believe - that there was good in the Downworlders, just like there was bad in Shadowhunters. Killing them would make them the demons, and the fact that his father had no problems becoming just that, had had no problems making Jace one, showed just how far gone he was. How could he preach getting reed of demonic presence in the world when he had let it thrive in himself and in the people closest to him?

Fortunately - or unfortunately, depending on the point of view - Jace got out of having to make a decision by the opening of a giant portal right in the middle of the ship’s deck. 

That shouldn’t have been possible. Only someone who knew the exact location of the ship could manage to pierce the barrier set by Valentine’s pet warlock, Dot. (Thinking of her as that caused bile to come to Jace’s throat, because it was nothing but the truth.) And judging by the widening of Valentine’s eyes, that portal hadn’t been opened under his orders.

Alec. He had done it. He had figured it out when he had been on board. Jace fought to contain a smile as the ship was flooded by Clave’s soldiers.

It wasn’t exactly the time to smile, though. Jace was still technically a traitor, and he didn’t know what the Clave would do to him. Not wanting to fight them either way, Jace resorted to take advantage of the confusion, and, for once, draw back.

Arrows flying over his head, shouts and the clash of swords echoing all around him…Jace retreated towards the superstructure of the ship to try and get a better look at what was going on. If he admitted it to himself, he hoped to get a glimpse of his parabatai.

Because he knew he was there. He could feel him. The bond had come back to life like a switch had been flipped, and Jace felt wired and ready to reunite with Alec. If things didn’t go south, that is.

One way or another, however, he was getting out of there. His time with Valentine had been terrible, eye-opening, and deserving to be just over. Even though Jace hardly thought he’d be able to return to the Institute as if nothing had happened, and he would likely never fit again among the people he once called family, everything was better than this hell. He’d take Clave judgment as a whole person over Valentine’s teachings as a cripple any day.

Jace, from his hiding place behind a few storage boxes, could see Alec, Izzy, Lydia, as well as other familiar faces from the Institute, fighting side by side with other Shadowhunters he didn’t know. He wondered if the mysterious Mr. Aldertree was there with them, not knowing what he looked like.

Opposite them, the members of the Circle fought back with all they got, but since most of them had just recently been turned, it was clear the odds weren’t in their favor. Valentine must’ve realized it too, because Jace saw him draw back as well. All his subjects covered for him, keeping the enemy off their leader’s back, to let him get to Dot, the only way to escape.  

Magnus was on the deck, too, Jace noticed a moment later; he had probably been the one to open the portal. His presence was most likely why Valentine didn’t bother using his warlock to turn the battle around with her magic; the High Warlock of Brooklyn was clearly on a whole other level than her, judging by the people he sent flying against the deadly barrier with a flick of his wrists, and it would be a waste of time trying to fight him off, warlock for warlock.

Valentine, instead – Jace was still watching attentively - had Dot open a new portal. His army, if inexperienced, was still large enough that, despite their superior forces, the Clave members were only closing in on him very slowly. Too slowly. He was going to get away.

Jace had to act, now.

He was Valentine’s perfect weapon; it was easy for him to get past a battlefield. Moving like a leaf in the wind, his blade a whirlwind as it cut down the enemies it encountered, he reached Valentine in no time.

“My son! I was hoping you’d show up. Let’s go,” Valentine greeted him. He was looking at Jace pointedly, so Jace knew his father wasn’t so thick as to not realize what was really going on.

“Surrender, father. You can’t escape forever.”

“Oh, I don’t plan to. If you’re really so set on getting back to your precious Clave, I’m sure we’ll see each other very soon. Keep in mind, though, when your friends will reject you, that you’ll always have a place right by my side, where you belong.”

Ignoring the jab, Jace shouted over the sounds of the battle, “You really think that I will just let you go like this?!”

He raised his sword, and quickly got rid of the last men standing before his father. Valentine had his own sword at the ready by that point, and he didn’t back down when Jace charged on him.

Jace would’ve liked to, but didn’t have the confidence that he’d be able to defeat his father. He was the one who had taught him how to fight, after all, and the way Valentine always anticipated his every move, so much so that he had the time to constantly throw him advice, was way beyond frustrating.

Jace just needed to distract him long enough to keep him from getting out before the Clave reached them. Still, the fact that Valentine didn’t try to stop him from engaging him was way too suspicious, showing that his father had very few concerns not to make it out. Jace gritted his teeth.

“You’re still too slow to cover your left side, son,” he kept nagging at him, smiling. “Think of what you could do, if you just applied yourself more!”

“Valentine Morgenstern!” a shout finally came. “By order of the Clave, you’re under arrest!”

It was the voice of Mr. Aldertree, and Jace could finally see him in the face. But he didn’t bother focusing on it for too long, because beside him there was Alec. Jace’s heart gave a pang, and their bond quietly locked into place, strengthening, boosting Jace with new confidence. 

Izzy by his side snapping menacingly her whip, Alec had his bow drawn on Valentine, and eyes darker than Jace’d ever seen on him. “Not one move. Slowly drop to your knees with your hands on your head, or I’ll make you,” he literally growled. Jace felt a shiver of pride run down his spine.

But Valentine was quicker. He jumped off the side of the ship towards the portal hanging above the water, before everyone could even take a breath. Alec’s arrow flew right past him…just as Jace felt a force drag him backwards. 

Before jumping, Valentine had grabbed him by the back of his jacket, and he was now pulling Jace along with him.

And Jace was falling, pushed over the edge by the only father he’d ever known. The one thing he could focus on, however, amidst the blur of figures shouting on the deck, was Alec’s horrified look as he watched the scene unfold.

Jace didn’t know if he’d ever be able to see him again.  

I’m sorry…my love.

Jace was about to close his eyes, and brace himself for what would await him at the other end of the portal, when Alec started running at full speed towards him. A yell was stuck in Jace’s throat, as Alec dived and managed to grab him by the foot. Jace felt Valentine’s grip leave him as his fall wasn’t halted, but by that point the momentum was too strong, Alec was leaning too much outside the edge…and their combined weight could only bring them down.

Everything had happened in no more than a few seconds, and even less passed before darkness engulfed Jace. Suddenly blind, his back hit a hard ground with a force that pushed all the air out his lungs. He was still gasping when Alec’s heavy form fell on him right after.

Not wasting any time to recover, but rather ignoring the sharp pain sparking in his body, Jace pushed Alec away from him.

“What did you just do?!” he shouted. For how loud he was, the sound barely filled the space they were in.

And the only other sound was their heavy breaths, before Alec shouted back, “Why the hell didn’t you think of a destination?!”

“I was too busy worrying over you jumping after me, you moron! Now we’re both dead, stuck in limbo forever!”

“Well, I’m sorry!”

After a beat of absolute, unnatural silence, Jace’s hands started feeling the dark space in front of him until they found Alec…and he sprung forward, circling his arms around Alec, their bodies crushing together as if they’d starve out if they didn’t. Sounds were coming out of them, desperate, soothing, incomprehensible noises of regret and relief murmured against skins and souls that had been parted for too long, always too long.

Jace had wanted nothing more, needed nothing else than the only other being that in his entire life had ever come close to bring him true, untainted happiness. Alec, his Alec, his soul, his love, his sin, his salvation. The way they held each other's broken pieces in that moment was everything that Valentine’s looming rhetoric would never understand, could never touch.

He’s wrong, he’s wrong, he’s wrong.

Because none of Valentine’s teaching methods to make Jace stronger could ever compare to one word said to him with the rawest, most unbridled sentiment by the rightest, most genuine person.  

“Parabatai,” Alec whispered hoarsely, reverently, gazing into Jace’s eyes – as they were lighted by the glow of their combined runes – like a blind man seeing for the first time.

Only that could make Jace feel like he’d be able to face everything and everyone who’d ever dare cross his path.

Jace wanted many things in that moment, and cared very little about anything else beside the wish to lose himself into Alec, Alec’s lips, Alec’s heart whose every beat seemed to echo into Jace’s own, Alec’s soul that pulsed next to Jace’s, finally back to its rightful place. It was only his mindfulness of what they had decided together that kept Jace from doing exactly that, and he instead resorted to only press his forehead against Alec’s, breathing in the air coming out of Alec’s lungs. (Jace hadn’t thought there’d be air in limbo, but he was grateful for it).

“Parabatai,” he whispered back, a prayer on his tongue.

Alec closed his eyes as if to better take in the sound of the word, and everything was still and quiet as Jace kept watching him, mapping him to mind.

“I’m sorry,” came Alec’s strained voice in the end. “I didn’t want to be separated from you again, so I just–”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“And I’m sorry for my stint of yesterday…I hadn’t meant for that to happen, and I shouldn’t have just run off like that when I was on the ship. Did–” Alec swallowed. “What did Valentine do to you?”

Jace’s thumb caressed Alec’s cheek. “Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t your fault. It was kinda cool, actually, finding myself in your body.” He smirked. 

Alec rolled his eyes before lowering them. One of his hands was playing with Jace's fingers, as if he needed the reminder that he was really there. “So, what do we do now? We’re stuck.”

“You know we’re not. We can create a portal.”

“Do you think it’ll work here?”

“Only one way to find out. And I’d rather not die in utter darkness.”

That non-place didn’t seem feasible for a long stay.

“Me neither,” Alec said. “But to do it, we need to…”

“I know.”

Alec looked at him, and Jace felt suddenly shy. On one hand, even though he knew this would set them back way too many steps, he couldn’t help but feel the thrill of anticipation; on the other, the fact that Alec would probably not want it, now that he had a new boyfriend and all – their runes glowing was just an aftereffect of their closeness at this point, nothing more, right? – made it all just desperate on his side. A one last taste of what he couldn’t have.

Alec was still the one to look at Jace’s lips first, his own slightly parted…before he cleared his throat to speak, “First, we need to figure out a plan. We should say the portal brought us somewhere in New York, far enough from the Institute that it would justify us arriving late. Who knows how much time is passing over there right now…what do you think?”

“Long Island?” Jace suggested. “It’s as good a place as any, and one you could easily come up with.”

“Okay.” Alec paused, before adding hesitantly, “Jace, you know that when we get to the Institute they’ll arrest you, right?”

Jace nodded morosely.

“But they can’t not give you a fair trial, it’s just not protocol…plus, I pretended that you sent me a message telling me about the ship’s location, and since it turned out not to be a trap, they might be more inclined in your favor. So, I’m sure you’ll be fine in no time.”

“Alec, I–” Jace shook his head. “I’m not so sure about it.”

“What do you mean? You’re not on Valentine’s side, they can’t not realize it.”

“Yes, but I mean…listen, I know Valentine is crazy and what he’s doing is truly terrible, but–” That wasn’t something he would ever want to admit to law-abiding Alec, but the risk was too high. Jace sighed. “He does have some points. The Clave is old, prejudiced, and it’s not doing the job it should be doing. I can’t – I don’t trust the Clave, and to them it’ll sound as if I side with Valentine no matter how I explain it. They’ll prosecute me. And I can’t lie if they use the Soul Sword on me.”

Alec bit his lower lip. “Then you’ll have to stress how wrong you think Valentine is, and that you’d never do what he’s doing! Please, Jace, you’re not a criminal, you’re not a bad person. The Clave will see it too.”

“Alec, I don’t think they’ll care if I’m a ‘good person’. Not trusting the Clave is capital crime. And just think of everything that could go wrong! If I touch the Sword, do you realize what else could come out?”

Have you ever broken the Law? they could ask. Yes, he’d have to answer. What crime?

Eros.

The word seemed to hang in the darkness all around them, spelled by the glow of their runes.

“Then you must take it,” Alec broke the heavy silence.

Jace had come to that conclusion, too.

Years earlier, Catarina had come up with a failsafe for them. A little black pill containing a spell; if they happened to be under suspicion without there being proof, they only needed to ingest it and it’d suck in all their memories of their affair, all the knowledge that they’d ever committed that crime. The memories not being in the brain anymore, but in a capsule stuck in their stomach, they could pass the trial without revealing anything…since it wouldn’t register as a lie to the Soul Sword. Then, to reverse the process, only a kiss would be needed; it’d trigger their powers like it often did, and the pill would be activated again to give back the memories.

They had tried it only once, in turn, to make sure it worked, and it had been surreal…two whole minutes in which Jace had looked at Alec, and then Alec had looked at Jace, and they hadn’t remembered having ever kissed each other. And when Alec had approached him and kissed him out of the blue, Jace had felt shocked, if thrilled, before his memories had come back...and he had returned the kiss with doubled fervor in the hopes that he’d never have to forget it again.

The time had come, instead. It wasn’t the worst-case scenario, one when they both had to take the pill; if that ever happened, only if the them-without-memories acted on their feelings and kissed each other again, they would ever remember. Knowing that for them to kiss the first time had taken the most favorable – or unfavorable – circumstances, they were both aware that the chances of that happening would be impossibly slim. They were both too stubborn and emotionally stunted that even when they were together they had had trouble expressing their feelings…it’d take a miracle for them to get together again.

Compared to that, this was nothing. Alec would keep his memories and he’d know to kiss Jace, once – if – he managed to pass his trial. Right?

A sudden thought occurred to Jace. “I’ll do it, but…Alec, I’m telling you now, you need to promise me that you won’t let me live forever without memories of our times together.” Judging by the guilty look on Alec’s face, Jace had been right to doubt his intentions. “I swear, if you don’t do that, you’d be betraying me, you get that?! Every time you’d look at me, obliviously being your parabatai, you’d be doing exactly what I didn’t want, and if I could remember, I’d hate you for it! Please, promise me. You must give me my memories back, I don’t care what bullshit noble reasons you might be thinking of right now. I won’t touch you ever again, I won’t ask you to get back together…just, let me remember the best moments of my life.”

“It was just a thought, Jace. You really think I’d be able to live alongside a you who does not remember us? I’m entirely too selfish for that,” Alec chuckled. “I never want you not to love me.”

“I’d still love you even without my memories, and you know that,” Jace put in stubbornly.

Alec smiled. He took both of Jace’s hands in between his own. “I swear on our parabatai bond, I’ll give you your memories back.”

Jace just had to hug Alec then, savoring the precious moment of being in Alec’s arms, until he was still whole. “Thank you,” he whispered against the crook of Alec’s neck, before allowing himself to place a kiss there. He had kinda earned it, after all, right? He felt Alec shiver and tighten his hold on him.

It was time, but Jace didn’t want to let go just yet. Ironically, the non-place that was the limbo was giving them a moment of absolute privacy that they couldn’t have anywhere else, and who knows how long it’d be before they could be side by side again. No matter their precaution, Jace didn’t know if he’d manage to convince the Clave of his innocence.

They both needed to believe that he’d make it, though, so he chose to not bring that up. 

“I don’t know how to thank you for coming to rescue me,” Jace said instead, his voice cracking in some places, “and for, for not giving up on me.”

Jace didn’t want to think of all the reasons why Alec should’ve given up on him in that moment, because Alec’s eyes were shining so bright in their bubble of light amidst the darkness, before he said on an exhale, “Never.”

And they were kissing, a sigh of joy starting right from somewhere inside of Jace.

Every time their lips met, no matter how much time had passed in between, felt like they were starting a conversation never ended. And right then, they were truly the only two people in existence. Closing his eyes, Jace could feel nothing but Alec, and his lips already ached from the knowledge that this would likely – almost, quite – never happen again. Fate was especially cruel on them; after all the times they’d tried to move on, they were still brought back together once again for a new separation only worse than the one before.

Thus, Jace put everything of himself into that kiss, trying to convey everything he’d have to forget, and he reveled in the fact that Alec seemed just as desperate as him, as he held him in his arms and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. The glow of their joined hands had grown ten-folds before they finally broke apart with a gasp and trembling lips. Not wasting any more time, they raised their hands and projected the strengthened energy to the side, where a portal immediately appeared.

Jace was about to step into it, but Alec surprised him by crushing their lips together one last time. They were both breathing hard afterward, so Jace was glad when Alec took his hand and entered the portal side by side with him.

Landing back on Earth felt disorienting for a whole few minutes; everything was so damn loud and bright. Their hands broke their hold and they took a few steps apart to let their runes turn back to black. They were a few blocks away from the Institute, and soon they started walking in silence. No reason to add to the noise, especially when everything they could talk about was too complex for a walk in the street. Jace could feel Alec itching to know everything that had happened to him on Valentine’s ship, while Jace was himself curious to know what the hell was going on with the Institute’s chain of command. Instead, they simply enjoyed each other’s presence and the steady hum of their bond that flowed, unclouded, between them. Jace hoped that being able to feel it again would be enough to let him get through what awaited him.

When the Institute was in sight, Jace summoned the pill from the place inside of his room where he always kept it. (He’d dread to know what the Clave would do to both of them if it got out that they could pierce the Institute’s magical shields).

After one last lingering look at Alec, he had no other choice but to swallow it.

Watching Jace swallow the pill, this time not a test run, caused such a jumble of emotions to spring in Alec that he felt like he could be sick any minute. But especially when, as soon as it was down, Jace started blinking hard and looking around with a startled look on his face, before settling on Alec.

“Alec! Why the hell did you jump after me?! We could’ve ended up in limbo if we weren’t quick enough to think of a destination!”

If it weren’t such a terrible situation, the incredible power of that spell would be worth to marvel at. Jace’s entire brain had reshaped itself around the missing parts…

No, it was too terrible to think about to be awed by it. Alec swallowed down his bile. “I’m sorry. I just – I didn’t want to be separated from you again.” He could never lie about that.

Jace looked at him softly, which wasn’t that different from those times, so Alec managed to calm down enough at the reminder that Jace’s feelings were still the same, to not freak out when Jace crushed him into a hug. Instead, he returned it with just as much need.

“How – how did you find the ship? It was shielded so well,” Jace said after breaking apart.

The situation still strangled Alec’s heart as if a snake was coiling tightly around it. “I – Magnus managed to track it. He said he knows how the magic of the warlock Valentine used works.”

Jace nodded at Alec’s words. “Dot. Makes sense.”

They both fell into silence as they looked at the Institute behind them.

Alec would’ve preferred finding a better explanation, to not be reminded of Magnus. But, after all, he told himself, the situation had been dire, and kissing Jace had been the only way to power parabatai magic enough to create a portal or, later, to let him have his memories back…it didn’t count as cheating, right? Plus, him and Magnus hadn’t technically defined their relationship yet. It was nothing, and Magnus didn’t need to know.

And all that mattered right then was making sure Jace was safe.

Alec impulsively grabbed Jace by the arm. “Listen, Jace. As soon as we get inside they’ll arrest you, and I just want to tell you that I know you’ll get out. I know you, I know your heart, and your soul, and they will have to see the goodness in you. Just hold on, okay? And remember that I believe in you.”

Jace listened to him with wide eyes, and Alec hated to think that he probably didn’t know just how much he loved him. The Alec in Jace’s warped mind had probably never declared or been too out-front about his feelings, and the real Alec knew how much his Jace had had problems feeling loved, so imagine this one!

But before either of them could add anything else, the guards doing the rounds outside the Institute noticed them.

Letting them take Jace away felt like tearing his own arms out one by one. It felt like a betrayal. Was he wrong to trust in the Clave’s fairness? Should he have tried to find another solution? Should they have gone away, instead of coming back? He more than anyone should know by now how cold the arms of the Law could be…but they had both decided a long time ago that they’d do everything to keep their lives and family together before resorting to the worst. This was what Jace had wanted, right?

The question hung at the back of his mind all night. Only the steady presence of their bond, which told him Jace was sad but he wasn’t hurt, let him sleep enough to be functional the next day, and to keep his cool until he knew what was to be Jace’s fate. Jace, after all, might not believe that he could make it out, but Alec had the utmost faith in him, he would also never lie about that. That didn’t prevent him from designing an escape plan, yes…if worst came to worst, he’d ravage the City of Bones and leave the Shadow world with Jace without looking back…but first he’d believe everything would be fine.

“Aldertree is miffed with you for jumping after Jace,” Isabelle gave him a heads-up the next morning. “But he can’t really do anything about it since being parabatai does still mean something to the Clave.” 

“Good.” Alec nodded to his sister. “What happened on the ship after that?”

“Valentine might’ve escaped, but his army has considerably dwindled down, either dead or captured. And even if he has more people elsewhere, it might be a good guess that he’ll regroup first. Leaves us more time to find him.”

Alec returned Izzy’s grin. “Well then, I think I’ll go–”

“See Jace? I don’t think it’s a good idea to attract more attention on you two and your bond.”

Alec would’ve sighed and agreed with Izzy, if her uncharacteristically bitter tone hadn’t struck him as unusual. He turned around to take a better look at her. She tried a casual smile at him, but he could feel something was wrong.

“Is…everything okay, Iz?”

She pursed her lips. “Why wouldn’t there be?”

“Come on, I can tell when you’re holding something in. Spill.”

She averted her eyes for a moment, before looking back at him with unmasked irritation. “Why should I? It’s not like you ever tell me anything.”

Alec paused, the force in that statement taking him aback. “Is…is this about me and–”

“No shit, Alec. It’s not like we have any other life-threatening things going on in our family.”

“Life...wait,” Alec grabbed Izzy by the arm and quickly led her to a more deserted corridor. “Life-threatening?!”

Izzy huffed. “Don’t tell me you don’t know that you’re breaking the damn…”

“Shhh, lower your voice!”

“…Law.”

 “And since when do you care about the Law, if I may know?”

“Since I was almost convicted!”

They glared at each other. Alec gritted his teeth before opening his mouth, “We’re not…breaking the Law anymore. Or we’re trying not to.”

Izzy shrugged. “Cool, but again it’s not like I know what goes on between you two. First you are at each other’s throat and you kiss someone else, then you completely freak out without him and jump after him to who knows where…you must admit it’s hard to keep up.”

 “Iz.” Ignoring his sudden shame, Alec waited for her to meet his eyes. “You know why we can’t tell you anything. What is this really about?”

She lowered her eyes again, crossing her arms, and Alec realized that her tacit support throughout the years might’ve cost her more struggle than he had ever thought. Not talking to her about their forbidden relationship had always seemed like the wisest way to go...but he had never held into consideration what she might think of it.

“I just – I’m scared,” Izzy admitted then, and Alec’s heart sank. “For both of you. All these years I always waited for the moment you were found out, when they’d take you away from me. I – I didn’t want to be that person and tell you what to do, but…” She shrugged again. “It’s not that I don’t love Jace, but I don’t want to lose you just for…” She bit her lip. “You’re my family and I–”

“You won’t,” Alec interrupted her, pulling her into a hug. “You won’t lose me, I promise. We know it’s too risky, for all of us. It’s – we’re done, we won’t be that reckless again.”

Izzy finally returned the hug, wrapping her arms tightly around him, and she nodded against his chest, sniffling a bit.  

Now more than ever, Alec knew him and Jace had made the right decision. That didn’t mean that his heart – his soul – wouldn’t bleed for as long as he lived…but that was the only way.

“Jace will be out of there soon enough, right?” Izzy asked him after breaking apart, careful not to smudge her make-up as she rubbed at her eyes.

“Yes, he will,” he told her firmly. There was no other possible outcome…none at all.

The next hours went by painfully slowly, punctuated only by an encounter with Magnus, who had come by to make sure he was alright, during which Alec realized sooner was a better time than never to quick-start their relationship. As soon as he went on that damn first date with Magnus, he could say he was actively moving on.

As it turned out, however, the agonizing, depressing slowness of the wait would’ve been preferable to what came next. Anything would’ve been preferable to being possessed by a demon that made him the killer of Clary’s – Jace’s – mother, and that almost got him killed by the hands of his own little sister.

At the end of the day, Jace coming back from the City of Bones couldn’t even bring the joy that it’d deserve…and that fact was only more depressing. As he carried Izzy to the infirmary, Alec could barely wrap his mind around the fact that, knowing what he had done, he’d have to talkto Jace eventually…how could he kiss him?

Should he kiss him? After hearing of Izzy’s fear, maybe letting their relationship be forgotten, forever, would be an even better course of action. He could take the pill, too, and it’d truly be over.

Every time you’d look at me, obliviously being your parabatai, you’d be doing exactly what I didn’t want, and if I could remember, I’d hate you for it!

Jace’s words stung, but Jace had told him it’d be a betrayal only if he was the only one without memories…both of them wouldn’t count, right?

Alec chuckled bitterly to himself, as he started wandering the corridors aimlessly…because he knew he was bullshitting himself. It’d be the worstkind of betrayal he could ever do, and not only to Jace. He knew that he’d never be able to let it all be forgotten, because just the thought was making him choked up. He could never erase from existence, not even for Izzy, what had filled his life the most, the best. Just as he had told Jace, he was entirely too selfish for that, and he felt dirty having even thought of it.

His feet had brought him in front of Jace’s room. Alec’s hands still reeked of blood, either way. He’d go in there, surprise-kiss Jace before he could overthink it, let him have a moment to remember it all, and he’d get out of there. After all, Jace would hardly want to see a…killer like him, for more than was necessary. 

Seeing Jace stare outside of his window, still in his bloody and dirty clothes, hit Alec more than he would’ve thought, and he knew he couldn’t just leave him. Jace only gave him a glance when he heard him enter, before averting his eyes again.

“Is Izzy okay?” Jace asked him in a monotone.

“She will be,” Alec replied, suddenly nervous.

“How are you?”

That question took him completely by surprise. “How am I?” he burst out, almost scandalized. “How are you, you mean?”

“I’m fine. I got out, right?” Still monotone.

Alec was about to protest…but first he had to fix something. Setting any embarrassment aside, he strode over to Jace, who looked up at him with a start once he saw how close he was. Alec didn’t let him question it. “Just…don’t freak out, okay?”

Jace was still puzzled, but at least he trusted him enough not to flinch back when Alec grabbed his face and kissed him right on the mouth. He could feel Jace’s shock in the curve of his lips, but Alec could’ve sworn he had started easing into it – and he didn’t know why that surprised him, since he knew the spell didn’t erase feelings – before Jace suddenly froze and let out a groan of pain. Alec held him to his chest as he trembled through the process, his entire brain being refilled with too much all at once…then he finally relaxed. When he looked up at him, Alec realized just how much it had been different before. Jace had still been the same person, but the other Jace had been so painfully closed-up in comparison. No more than a day, and Alec had already missed this Jace – who looked at him as if he had just hung the moon for him - more than he could ever say. 

That was why he let Jace kiss him one last – last, last, last – time, a self-indulgence that’d cost a lingering presence on his lips even harder to let go of, before Alec forced himself to break apart. Not too far away, because Jace was still wincing.

He was still holding him when Jace finally spoke, rather breathlessly. “Thank you. ‘Don’t freak out’, really?”

They both chuckled lightly. But the mood wasn’t of the best, so they stopped soon enough, until only silence was left. It was Jace the one to take a step back first, averting his eyes.

Alec cleared his throat. “Just, could you tell me what happened at the City of Bones, please? Then I swear I’ll go.” 

“Why – why are you going? You don’t have to.”

Alec frowned. “I thought, you might not want...to be near me right now.” 

“Why wouldn’t I? I waited all day to come back here…to you…and I should be allowed to be near my parabatai, right?”

Jace seemed genuinely baffled by Alec’s reticence, and Alec didn’t understand why, since he thought he had been told what had happened. “Jace, I – I was the one to kill…”

“Wait, are you really talking about that? Alec, that wasn’t your fault, that was the demon.” 

Of course, Jace would be one not to blame Alec for his actions under possession. Suddenly, that wasn’t something Alec could stand. “Still, it’s Clary’s mother…your mother! How can you look at me and not see…” Alec stared down at his own hands, where he could only see red, even though he had cleaned all of it up. “Please, just tell me if you’re alright or if something happened at the City of Bones, and I’ll go.”

But his plea was followed only by silence, and Alec took that as his leave. “I’ll just go, then.”

He was half-way to the door before a shout stopped him. “Alec, wait! I just – I know that so much has happened and we should talk about it, but everything’s such a damn mess, and I swear my head is going to explode if I…and I just want…please, don’t leave me right now.”

After staring at his feet for a long moment, Alec backtracked all the way to pull Jace into a hug. His body sighing into it, the bond seemed to thank him. “Of course. I’m here, whatever you need,” he whispered into Jace’s ear.

 They ended up just getting into bed, after Jace took a shower and Alec retrieved some night clothes from the closet. Some were his anyway.

The softness of the mattress felt heavenly after everything they’d been through. They laid facing each other, carefully apart, but it didn’t matter that much given that they were still together. Alec would take this over anything else.

Understandably, they both had trouble sleeping. Alec didn’t fall asleep at all, while Jace woke up after a while completely restless. Seeing Alec by his side seemed to calm him a little, but it also made him nervous…until he just exploded.

“I’m sorry, Alec,” he said brokenly, before unsuccessfully trying to rein in the tears.  

Alec caught him in his arms. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Why are you sorry?”

“Valentine, he – he experimented on me, when I was a baby. I have demon blood, Alec.”

Alec’s gut twisted painfully as he searched Jace’s face for an explanation, and what he found there made him only hold Jace harder. “Jace, it’s o–”

“If I had known,” Jace interrupted him, “I would’ve never made you enter a parabatai bond with me. Who knows how much it’s been corrupted by me and…what if our powers are because of–”

“Hey, no, stop, Jace,” Alec held Jace’s face in between his hands. “Baby, stop.” He had not called Jace like that in so long, but the word still rolled on his tongue as if it belonged there. “We have been in this bond for a long ass time, I think I would’ve noticed if it did anything wrong to it. And even if, honestly, Jace, I don’t care. I mean, it’s horrible the things Valentine would do, and did, to his own family…but you’re still you, and I know you. You’re the best person I know, actually.”

He wiped the tears from Jace’s face, before kissing his forehead. Jace looked at him. “Like you’re the best person I know, demon possession or not?”

Alec huffed. He hated when Jace turned his own logic against him…but he still had to give in, chuckling, almost feeling like tearing up himself, when Jace hugged him back, kissing his cheek. 

“Maybe two demons could make an angel?” Jace whispered with a broken kind of hope, but that sounded so ridiculous that Alec started laughing instead, quickly followed by Jace himself.

Then Alec just had to press another kiss on Jace’s face, his nose this time, before they both buried their faces against each other’s necks to try and calm down their unrelenting hysteric fit of laughter-crying.

At least, they weren’t kissing each other on the mouth, and that was an improvement, right? They weren’t doing anything wrong, and Alec thought he could live like this. He didn’t need to kiss Jace to love him, after all, and all that mattered was having him back.

[sordidpassionsandlockedemotions]

-This is your angst warning-

It was a dark night,not the warmest but not too cold that being said wasn’t like Alec would notice considering he was wearing his gear. Along with fighting a horde of demons making sure his siblings were alright. Would be darker except for flashes of magic from Magnus every so often targeting something with it. 

He released back firing yet another arrow had lost track of how many were left. But his finger tips became aware he was running out faster than he would think. In about 10 minutes he was out entirely going for his seraph blade but not fast enough because a demon charged him. An claw at his throat feeling himself thrown through the air bow dropping out of his hands. 

Back thudding into a nearby wall searing pain at the impact and at first tried standing up couldn’t be that bad a wound. His jacket and shirt probably protected him from most of the blow. Demon venom had surely found it’s way into his bloodstream because could feel his strength sapping. Could still fight surely had worst happen in battle in fact way worst. Finger tips found their way to assess the neck scratch surely wasn’t too bad. 

But his other hand realized he must have dropped his stele like his bow at some point. And warm,wet blood soaked his fingers along with a searing pain especially at the contact causing white to take over his vision. Could only recognize the spot as his deflect rune no major arteries just one of the runes that he learned to try avoiding getting scratched let alone gouged. 

The blood soaking his hand,shirt,jacket,and so on as he crumpled into a ball hand applying pressure shaking because of the pain. But he had to wasn’t like he could just do nothing. Having issues seeing anything because of the pain affecting his vision. Supposed if he had to go out would be one crap way of dying. His head was all over the place worrying about his siblings,wondering if Magnus was running low on magic. 

Followed by recalling a mundane could lose one liter of blood and be fine enough,two would need immediate transfusion. Did the same apply to shadowhunters who got a rune damaged or not? Vaguely aware of his own noises of suffering which was annoying. Eyes running with tears from the pain could feel his applying pressure hand slack some but he pushed back down legs kicking out across the pavement before back up to his chest. 

By the time it went slack again his ears felt clogged up,sound was muffled as if he had gone underwater. Could only hope everybody else was fine otherwise well would be one really awful night. Vaguely aware of some garbled speech and an arm underneath him propping him up. Then came finger tips gently resting on his hand,and no surprise more garbled speech. But he got the meaning letting his blood soaked hand fall to the pavement,deciding to stop fighting consciousness as the warm blood flowed more freely. 

Eyes shutting entirely,he drifted off with the single thought of ‘swear to the angel I better wake up’. 

Magnus was focused on what he was doing,and figured Alexander had his own problems handled. If not that all the Lightwoods were covering one another as they probably most always did. Of course there was also Clary fighting as well but primarily was Isabelle,Jace,and Alexander who seemed to be going through demon after demon. 

There was the sound of that bow dropping he figured his boyfriend must have run out of arrows. Switched to his seraph blade like Jace and Clary were using throwing another fireball at yet another demon. His magic had it’s limits and surely was getting towards them. Hopefully they dealt with the demon horde soon most of them were running low on energy,and the fight had been taking a long while. 

That’s when his ears picked up somebody in pain,not just anybody as his eyes found the source crumpled up on the ground. Far from where he had been last apparently his boyfriend had been wounded. Slowly making his way towards him,much he wanted to just run couldn’t as was still demons around and with Alexander down meant the others were probably getting all the more tired out. 

When there he all but quickly knelt down to assess what was wrong. Asking but he really didn’t get any recognition from the fallen shadowhunter. One arm went underneath him to prop him up so as to try see better what it was that had gone wrong. Making out the tear streaked face from what must have been immense pain,and then eyes met the hand pressing down blacker in the night with clearly blood. “Okay you need to move your hand,Alexander.” No response.

Gently his fingers touched the hand figuring he’d get the message which he did but the sight of his hand falling to the pavement,and the flowing blood watched him black out. Immediately his one hand focused on trying to heal what was wrong,more panic set in realizing the deflect rune was more than slashed along with probably demon venom inside. 

Eyes glancing to see the demons were luckily near dealt with focusing on his boyfriend. When one came close didn’t even turn around hand glowing bright red obliterating it before it focused back on his boyfriend. From there it was a blur pacing outside the Infirmary at the Institute exhausted but wasn’t going back to the loft. Everybody else got patched up,went to get some sleep and he was alone in the quiet of the moment. 

Then tiredly convincing that he could watch after his boyfriend back at his-their place,and make sure he rested. Change the bandages;take after him eventually getting permission. Or really nobody wanted to argue with him because he was so exhausted to not exactly be the nicest. So with more energy than he should spend portaled them back home to bed. 

After double checking that the other was fine fell asleep but it wasn��t going to be deep. He really was exhausted but figured he’d recover quicker so not even complaining to himself. Instead tiredly fell asleep makeup,clothes,and all save his shoes that he’d kicked off to the side of the bed he generally occupied.

His eyes slowly opened mostly to test that he was in fact not dead,and to try figure out where he was. Falling on the figure curled up holding tight onto him,looking pretty exhausted even asleep. Aware of bandages on his neck recalling everything in hazy patches. Rubbing the daze from his eyes trying to not wake the sleeping boyfriend that was so close to him. 

Wondering how much exhaustion what all the magic he’d seen,and anything afterwards took out of him. But Magnus was tough so probably be fine doesn’t mean he should disturb the other’s sleep. Taking note of the clothes from the night before,makeup,and jewelry before a slight bit of guilt realizing must have portaled them to bed. 

Seeing the other’s eyes open gave as best a smile he could manage,”Morning.” Could swear Magnus was close to falling back asleep again despite having seemingly woken up entirely. “I didn’t disturb you-did I?” 

“No and before you get concerned think I’m mostly recovered day off work and I’ll be fine.” Alec felt an itch from the bandage reaching for it nobody ever said he was the best with such things. In fact most medics hated him for the ability of his being so frustrating. “Hey hands off you have the day off,and that’s to recover not scratch your skin up.” A ringed hand gently pushed his away before sitting up in the bed. 

He put his hands up in mock surrender cherishing the almost smile had to have a good attitude about their tragedies otherwise every near death would drive them into bad spots. Instead Alec sat up too,”Alright fine and great gives you time to rest,actually both of us though do want to know what I missed while unconscious.” 

“Let me change your bandages,and I’ll tell you then okay?” Alec gave a nod watching him get out of bed quickly vanishing out of their room. Sitting up more trying to ignore that itchy feeling which was easier said than done. About to resort to sitting on his hands when Magnus sat on the bed next to him. 

“I take it you don’t recall me coming to you that much,but after that got you back to the Institute,everybody’s fine and the demons were dealt with.” Feeling the bandage taken off then tossed into a nearby bin. “After I got permission brought you back here medics say you’ll be fine though do need a new deflect rune they removed it but you’ll also be more than healed given a few days.” 

Well that was good,or at least could hope so wondering if he was off work that whole time. But then doubted it just closing his eyes almost wincing a bit as something applied stung before those finger tips gently put on another bandage to his neck. “Your summarizing’s good,and if we have the day off I’m saying total lazy day you need it and I do too.” Laying against his boyfriend’s side carefully,”So just how gruesome is the damage?” Actually curious maybe too much so cause got an eye roll. 

“If you say so,as for gruesome burned your clothes and my jacket I was wearing.” Alec’s eyes widened but then he nudged his head against Magnus for a moment gently. 

“Eh you’ll find another,though maybe should have a funeral for said clothes cause the jacket was actually really great,and actually just your jacket I literally was wearing one of the standard gear jackets with some cheap shirt so not worth the missing.” A grin,genuine spread across his boyfriend’s face and thinking Alec stopped leaning so much into his side kissing his cheek. “Tomorrow though cause if I move at all it’s to the couch at most,and you can’t use magic for till the afternoon.” 

Sitting in his boyfriend’s lap kissing him eyes sparkling as they shut focusing on the fact he was fine,Magnus was fine,his siblings,and even Clary. Then rested his head on Magnus’ chest as arms wrapped around him hugging back just focusing on the chest rising and falling with his head resting against it.