#literally zero articulate thoughts here just feelings

[rebeccadumaurier]

going insane about murderbot and ART hours are 24/7

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR rambles 19 traumatic things Link experianced

Pet him like a cat shadow.

At least Link's normal enough to get up now.

Awkward...

Shadow's like "Damn this is weird"

Link's selectively mute still but I'd struggle to talk with four dipshits screaming like cracked out squirrels in my head too so ya know, I don't even blame him for being shitty at communication with Shadow rn.

He's got his priorities in order: FOOD.

Okay but you know Link is mad his plan failed literally the day after he employed it.

I'd be pissed anyway XDDDD

The four of em fell asleep, wake back up and they're right back to square one, ground zero the shit storm he tried to escape from.

That's horrifying in a way I can't quite articulate. "Hopelessness" is the only word coming to mind. Like, everything he did, it didn't matter. It was all for nothing they're BACK to how they were.

His hopes that pulling the sword would fix it: Crushed.

The literal only difference is that Shadow's here.

Which, is BETTER but damn if the disappointment from Link isn't palpable. You can only imagine what's going through his head rn after all this shit, he's just defaulting to a LITTLE BIT of normalcy in making breakfast.

Shadow's back to defaulting to doing: well nothing.

He isn't helping Link and is just WATCHING. Smth literally just yesterday was ALL HE COULD DO.

They're both just defaulting to what they're used to because this shit is too weird.

Is nice of Link to make enough for Shadow though. XD

Haha okay I can get into this:

Literally Shadow and Link simultaneously know each other and don't.

In cannon: Shadow said ONE SENTANCE TO THIS MAN. A SINGLE THING. AND IT WAS MOCKING HIM LMFAO.

Yes Shadow had interaction with the colors but Link and Shadow: Nothing.

So of course he feels awkward around him.

They spent forever together and yet still feel so far away.

It's a tough situation.

Link pulling out the "you sure are quiet" is imo, him trying to be funny.

he continues with "thought you'd be more comfortable with me...at least considering how many times we've kissed"

Obviously this is in reference to Vio lmfao (...Also green but uh we'll get into that later). With Link's eyes matching Vio's.

Link is completely fucking with him and it's funny to me at least. Like he's so deadpan but he's being such a goof rn.

Though it is interesting to note how Link directly says Vio is him without any separation here. Since Vio also thought he was Link last night.

WHY WOULDN'T HE REMEMBER SMOOCHING YA SHADOW???

Shadow clearly not knowing HOW Link works is kinda hilarious but also, nobody knows how this works.

Link casually referencing what Vio said in the fire temple, it's much more obvious now he's goofing with Shadow rn.

Shadow realizing the obvious, that Link IS the same person he's been hanging around just mashed together is a small but good reminder. Like link isn't a stranger fully. He's still the four of them.

Shadow just asking "Is this for me" would seem weird but uhh remember:

He didn't have a BED. He's been a SHADOW for YEARS. Like. Shadow being neglected isn't new. So it's a sad notion but he is shocked he'd be given food.

Link kinda having a "Wtf u mean? duh it's for you." moment.

Also the bomb drop that Link knows about Dark Link...Oops.

Exactly what relationship/how he KNOWS about Dark is kinda, left open since he doesn't elaborate what so ever...

It can be assumed he just knows what everyone else does. Buuut. There's always that "but"

"Link what are you blabbing for they can hear you" - Shadow continuing to not understand how Link works. XD

I don't think it was mentioned anywhere before this but haha Blue was also in on the splitting Link plan. Vio and Red are the only ones left out of some of the loop it seems...But they were mainly worried about Vio catching on.

Link accuratly noting this nightmare isn't anything like the first time. Sorry buddy it's cause you're in an unrated comic by a weirdo fan vs any official Zelda comic. XDDD Which wouldn't allow 90% of what's in this comic I'm sure haha.

Also reasonable train of thought thought Shadow buddy about reverting back into a shadow. What a terrifying thought.

Aw Link's being sweet and- TRIFORCE

Yeah Shadow's sweating bullets considering uh the little fact Ganon said "Here catch, you're evil triforce of power man now"

Takes Link a second to remember back on that convo Shadow and Vio had about the triforce in the flashbacks. PG 179-182 ish if you're curious on brushing up on that.

Oh hi Vio.

I don't think a lot of people caught that this was Vio's design from FS. Which is why Shadow was SO DISTURBED to see him like that. Link's very all over the place mentally and it's showing with his appearance. He's unstable as all hell right now.

Blue chiming in with "Wait a damn minute" remembering Zelda ALSO has the Triforce on her hand.

Vio and Red are being obtuse/ignorant while Blue and Green know smth's up and are getting pissy about it.

Which just makes Link: All over the damn spectrum of emotion about this right now haha.

I'd get tonal whiplash too Shadow.

Link going down the list of things he thought Shadow would want haha.

and Shadow's gay lil confession that all he really wants is Link is sweet.

I mean what else does he have to strive for? He gave up on a lot of his old dreams as pointless after becoming apart of the endless cycle of hatred.

It's noteworthy that Link's outfit glitches to black again.

The line "Which you" was a very fun one to come up with. Because it just, hits ya.

Link isn't one entity. He's multiple. And he literally can't tell who Shadow's talking to in that moment. Because the underlying assumption (To Link and this will become obvious) is that Shadow really only cares about Vio.

All of last night is probably a complete blur/emotional whiplash around Shadow For Link.

Shadow threw a sword at Blue and was VERY hostile, was ALL OVER THE PLACE emotionally with Green mostly being bitter as hell, didn't really acknowledge red and Vio had a complete meltdown over his guilt surrounding Shadow and their friendship and relationship as a whole was all over the place.

Cram that all back together and what is Link supposed to take away from all that. Overall dude had a net negative experience with Shadow and now he's telling him he wants him?

I'd be confused as hell too.

Hi Zelda.

Safe to say that was inevitable given how badly Link was bugging out this entire time.

He couldn't handle seeing Zelda haha.

I don't think people caught Vio is just in his "headspace" outfit. Except it isn't pastel color palette.

Panic attack, featuring Blue. He was the most vocally insistent they draw the sword, was activly trying to force his way out of Link's mish mash body during that whole ordeal. The main take away is that: He HATES being In Link and that was just about the worst nightmare come to life for him.

He doesn't even want Red to touch him, which considering the way it's all but stated Link's magical body is just their bodies pressed together into one form makes the angle that they're all LITERALLY touching each other that much more...ehhh disturbing.

It's okay guys he just needs a minute alone-

Hah. Everyone's leaving you Vio. Doesn't press on the ol anxieties or anything.

Doesn't make it easy for a certain someone to come visit you.

Vio's insecurities focusing around being ALONE and himself are smth that's been fun.

He mainly wants to be Link out of pure selfishness and self hatred. Link is an escape from his own accountability, a way for him to keep himself in check. While Blue finds it to be an outright prison.

Everything Dark is saying about here Vio could also be applied to himself and even Dark says that. He looks miserable while saying it too since Vio's problems are starting to hit a lot closer to home.

At least we got Shadow to yank Vio out of his funk. But Dark has no one to do that for him.

Shadow petting Vio's face here while in a headlock is just, funny to me. Shadow can't affection properly at all lmfao.

But hey he knows when our lil buddy is active. Oops.

Oh the fun they have together alright. 😏

It'll be a real wet and fun time-

What the hell Dark is talking about is left pretty open for now.

But he is getting sick of just sad reactions to what he says.

He's nervous when faced with women. Same bro.

Green and Shadow begging for help on wtf to do with their new squid monster is pretty hilarious to me.

Vio's being perceptive.

"IT IS!?" yeah red. And if you were an interesting character I'd write you doing things. :D

HAH. TRAUMA. DARK LINK RELATED TRAUMA.

Surely that won't bite us in the ass later or anything...

Vio's outfit is very covered up because he's emotionally closed off yada yads I've mentioned this before.

This hasn't been brought up in the comic but Green is afraid of tentacles lmfao so his fear at Dark rn is warranted.

Shadow blatantly not caring what Dark is doing rn because he's busy

Zelda notices right away that Dark defied vaati which must have been weird for her in real time hah.

Shadow's instant response to what to do with Dark is "Murder"

Nice to see you've grown so much shadow lmfao.

Notice how Link being around isn't even the thinly vailed excuse dude just doesn't like Dark Link lmfao. Most of what he said to Dark last night imo was pure projection and again: Not because he cared about Dark. But now he feels like they have an easy to to get rid of him via Zelda. Doesn't have to confront weird feelings if the guy is gone ooomf.

Zelda isn't outright apposed to getting rid of Dark Link but is like "Uhh...But what about link tho-"

Shadow noticed his hair change.

I'm sure he noticed earlier, it's right in his eye sight but background detail of him actually looking at it like "Wtf?"

Also fun pressure to put on Green when he's strung out to shit rn.

HI DARK LINK! :D

Uhhhhhh. Okay then.

So Green's got murder trauma.

He's also just sick of the responsibilities piling on him like a crushing weight.

There's smth to be said about how Dark isn't a murderer so, doesn't have blood around his feet haha visual metaphores haha.

So clarity: Link as a whole person murdered the people who killed his father. And Vio and Green were the ones who had main control in that moment.

Hope that clears some stuff up.

Dark finds this shit hilarious because he's sadistic but Green snaps out of the panic to realize THIS GUY IS DARK LINK.

The moment Green switches from his helpless attire into his current fit was very fun emotionally cause this was the first time someone had ANY amount of control when facing Dark Link. (Excluding Shadow I suppose, in terms of the colors anyway)

Green being a badass is just smth I enjoy and the "Oh shit moment" was very fun to watch people react to haha.

Dark was so excited when seeing Green acknowledge him.

It really goes to show all of his "Nyeh you're such a shitty person" talk is literally not even his own opinion when it comes to the four colors. He's literally just repeating their insecurities and nothing else. Those words have NO BITE to them because Dark doesn't even believe it.

He's so excited to see Green because Green's the ONLY PERSON Who's truly acknowledged him in the head space.

Dark being so overwhelmed with joy he vomits.

Dark really doesn't have a lot of emotional regulation emotionally or physically. Like. The idea here is he's just, so excited he literally physically cannot handle that shit haha. I made a shitpost about it once but it's kinda just, accurate. XD

Green's like "Wtf is wrong with you"

because this isn't ANYTHING he thought he'd be dealing with considering how Shadow was acting/talking about him lmfao.

He was expecting Shadow 2.0 and got...This guy.

Guy who apologizes when acting goofy as shit

Guy who is excited to see him overjoyed even...After utterly destroying him not 2 seconds ago.

Just. A silly. Goofy guy.

It is fun to have Dark switch IMEDIATELY to depressed as hell thinking about how he's been so alone.

I would really describe Dark's excitement here as pure mania. because at the root Dark is a depressed individual.

Dark gives no shits when faced with death.

No begging or pleading for his life just "idk do what you want to I don't care"

Which, Dark Link's lack of care for his own personal safety has been shown off before and will only be a continued trend.

At the end of the day it shows a clear lack of self respect or care for himself.

Dark doesn't value himself.

Green's mercy here is rooted in his own selfishness.

He doesn't WANT to kill Dark Link because he doesn't want to hurt people. Which him and Vio did.

Green is ALSO very exhausted. And what you get is two individuals who would typically be at each other's throats, who aren't interested in fighting each other because they're just so worn out. The drive just isn't there.

Which leads them to being able to actually talk to each other in a meaningful way. And I just find that interesting.

Under different circumstances, these two very well could have fought here. XD

[ghosty-schnibibit]

alright, so, now that i am not an incandescent ball of fury:

i was extremely disappointed with go2 and downright angry about the way it concluded. i've already read some excellent posts by other lovely people that articulate some of my grievances really well (which sadly i can't link here or the site will eat this post entirely) but i want to add my own to the pile. if you enjoyed the season then more power to you, but i very much did not.

after this post i won't be complaining about s2 again or really posting anything about it at all, positive or negative, and will probably just block the tag entirely. like i said in my much shorter vent post last night, i just want to get all of my negativity out in one go and then pretend it doesn't exist. with that out of the way:

the pacing was terrible. the plot went in circles around itself and the mystery was handled so poorly that it somehow managed to be too convoluted and too simple at the same time. we spent five entire episodes wondering what was going on only to have it resolved by an exposition dump of about five minutes. the mini-sodes ground multiple episodes to a halt and squandered the majority of the season's runtime on pointless fanservice that cheapened some of the previous season's most emotional moments, runtime that could have been better spent setting up the gabriel mystery or developing literally any of the new characters introduced. speaking of which,

the new characters were pointless. nina and maggie were given no characterization beyond being pale expies of az and crowley, and the fact that a substantial part of the b-plot revolved around them makes this even more apparent. i do not remember the name of the angel pretending to be a constable and i don't care enough about them to look it up, they had literally no plot significance whatsoever. same goes for the processing demon from the third episode. the flip with jax from being a somewhat neutral character to a big bad in a party city wig felt like a failed attempt to recapture some of what made hastur and ligur work in the previous series.

gabriel and beelzabub. their relationship was unbelievable and clashed so heavily with their previous characterizations. i called it from the first episode and dreaded its conclusion right up to the finale. they feel like an ill-thought parody of ineffable husbands pulled out of an enemies-to-lovers crackfic. every romantic moment in the last episode was insipid and cloying, and them getting a consequence free happy ending retroactively cheapened the stakes of the previous season. it honestly felt like the writers just wanted to mash their dolls together.

aziraphale's character was assassinated and crowley was basically just there to play the hits. both of them were flanderized to the moon and back, but poor aziraphale got the worst of it. all of his character development from the previous season was thrown out the window in order to give us the big angsty conclusion set-up for a third season. they were both utterly flattened and i feel so bad for michael and david, they were clearly doing the best with what they were given but what they were given was just plain bad.

most of the humor and warmth from the book and the previous season were just… gone. no narrator, only one or two comedic asides from the title cards, a total of maybe three minutes of queen music across the whole thing (and most of that a piano cover), and a whole lot of little stylistic touches that went by the wayside and left the world feeling a bit hollow. also the comedy in this season was much more reliant on a "hey, aren't the characters acting so silly right now? aren't they failing at looking/acting normal? isn't that funny?" style of humor than on the wit and subtle satire of the first.

it was nothing but set up for a third season. learning this after finishing the season did not make me feel better about any of it, but it does explain a bit why it felt like all set up and no pay off. i have zero confidence about the ship being righted in a potential s3 that we likely will not see for many years (if at all, i'm already hearing murmurs about the show getting axed).

so that's basically it. i'll reiterate that if you enjoyed this season then i have no beef with you; your opinions are your own and, while i have no desire to have a dialogue about them, i respect them. but the original good omens book was very personally meaningful to me, as was its adaptation in s1, and this poorly thought out continuation has disappointed and saddened me to the point that i feel like i don't want to engage with the fandom in its wake.

[madfantasy]

Dear blogging

Wish you peace, always. Considering all, it been extra rough. My guardians were sick, and my fragile of a stability was about to break— but it okay now, and the pendulum of consciousness returned swaying in my head.

Somehow in the middle of everything, I was starting to feel okay and accept that this is the best it can get for this non verbal Mani. I honestly I stopped living as if there was tomorrow maybe the majority of 2023, zero drive or hopefulness, and lately started to accept that there's no denying that I'm not made to survive this life, and dropped all pretence that I'm able, set a 5 years counter. Because if mere looking at people's faces distress me so much that I blank out &/or go mute, since childhood, no amount of me forcing myself to watch videos/ pictures over and over can fix that. That's simply how I'm made and I know that now, and in a way it's bringing me peace.

Because I thought I'm bratting when I wore my headphones to cancel out noise that were literally going to drive me insane, or when I couldn't respond to messages knowing that I can articulate deeply in writing but ignoring all the endless times when I simply couldn't, and have forced myself to eat many things that set me days in nausea and abdominal pain while I only enjoy liquids more and get high off of fruits, I love them so much half my OCs are named after some.. and drew.. drew even before I spoke because it was my only outlit to express because how much I'm told I'm like a robot, I'm so expressionless and non reactive and disgustingly literal, even when they actively beat me black Nd blue to stop drawing, I couldn't.. where do you free those emotions when U can, i needed emotion displays and heartfelt trimmers, thrilling or killing, I needed to do them as if my life depended on it, and I haven't realised it back then, but my life was dependent on them, even when I had 'no talent ' , as I have always been told.

(commissioned by precious Julia ♥️🖤)

And besides drawing my needs, I actually, physically, started to feel better when I didn't do what my body said it literally can't do, all my life:

-Walked away from my guardians arguments, my chest stabbing pains became less frequent.

Stopped "practicing" my voice &/or facial expressions, I talk for 2 minutes, immediately my whole face muscles hurt, voice is cracking and gone, I don't feel like my eyebrows hurt as much. I'm okay being the monotone no expresso train c:

-stopped eating what I "don't like" (I mean it's not like I have much choice, but stopped feeling guilty over refusing it cuz food be tight) Nd now I can actually drink more water, and my tummy aches are on lower levels now

-i stopped dealing with Discord, or group chats in general cuz I don't expect accommodation over things I can't deal with. Stopped stressing over doing engaging material that no body seems to care about, cuz I'm not a good judge of demand, or stressing over either I should be thanking everyone who spams me with likes or not, (while I appreciate it to the moon) 90% of the time they don't respond Nd Im forced to think like I've done something wrong. I'm now at more ease with posting — (literally I have to fight the urges to delete my socials daily) just with interacting with who addresses me (I lov U guys sm) and I've been more relaxed from it.

I returned to "speaking in riddles" cuz if I don't use the words my brain spews no matter how weird they R, a tire will pop somewhere on the other side of an AU- idk lo'

-i rock, hum and laugh OUT my maniacal laugh, hard and strong, continued loving and talking to my plushies as I used to do, the easiest thing I could do to feel calmer again. As everyone should do

.. I stopped saying the word sorry. It's a naughty Mani era.

Accepting these facts and many, even with having no will to live had me saner than I ever been, at least I hope so.

I just know that I have a few to be grateful of: that I'm still here somehow, even with my dwindling income, Nd my internet not worth costing 120$± I'm always grateful for the sudden one or two commissions that keeps me here and buys me coffee and pumpkins seeds..

I still struggle horrindously with sleep. But I'm grateful at least I'm at pure ease playing games. Games been my go to media for knowing basically all based on books they were made about, like Severus and Tintin, I still play their ps1 games! Tho I got stuck on this game & their sleep has given me so much ease lo

I'm at my happy place rn, heh.

Bonus panel: ye they R hungry for that SHI- lo 🙈

And an honorary appearance of my OC with Tintin hehe

Stay safe, don't feed the overconsumption machine, don't give up on your heartstrings's stringers, don't worry— there are people who think and feel like you always between the crowds, and I'm thankful that I share the same timeline with you♥️🖤

Sweet dreams 🌃 19.2.2024

[i-luvsang]

hi moon, love your works ! are you up for moot games and if yes who would you ship your moots with ? i need to find the pattern here

hello anon dear, thank you so much !!! i'm way up for moot games eeeee !!! ty for sending one in ! i tried to get everyone but i've got a horrid memory so just tell me if i missed you so you can be added <333

enna + taehyung ⟢ @heephoria — you have to understand that you're probably the hardest for me to choose someone for because i ship you with many people tbh and like you're so lovable and i genuinely think all your faves would adore you. but it's all in the vibes here. elegant, irresitable, soft, homey, sweet, alluring, and full of the kind of love that makes your heart ache. [ honorable mention ; heeseung & joshua ]

chip + wooyoung ⟢ @jaehunnyy — the softness and playfulness in your heart is all too perfect for him. you're full of love and he admires that so much. you'd let him kiss your cheek for way too long and reciprocate that same energy and he loves it. [ honorable mention ; san ]

coco + jay ⟢ @enluv — you two are my starboy stargirl couple and nothing will ever ever change that. it's the aesthetics for me i cannot. i don't even know what you look like but i feel like i can picture the two of you together you know what i mean ?? [ honorable mention ; theo ]

anne + jongho ⟢ @ssaboala — y'all are literally perfect i cannot. he loves the way you love him, fully but not overwhelming or overbearing; just right. your more quiet or less social nature actually makes him feel more at peace around you, more comfortable. [ honorable mention ; yunho ]

bai + seonghwa ⟢ @hwaightme— i could never i imagine a more perfect match to be honest. the way you love people with your whole being is so beautiful to him. he adores your humor and the way you take the time to know the people around you for who they are and always be considerate and thoughtful of that. [ honorable mention ; hongjoong ]

sky + hongjoong @pocketjoong — he absolutely admires your ability to create community, you share that sense of leadership and the value that togetherness has. your shared sense of responsibility and awareness is also really important to him [ honorable mention ; suho ]

nadia + yunho ⟢ @justhere4kpop — i'm so bad at articulating why is feels right but it feels so right. it's all about holding hands and smiling brightly at each other. you're both always ready to take kneecaps if someone offends the other. [ honorable mention ; bang chan ]

orion + hongjoong ⟢ @nebulousbrainsoup — y'all are written in the starts, it's all about the vibes. there's the passion that you both put into everything and the protectiveness you feel for those around you. such an aesthetic couple y'all always look so cool. [ honorable mention ; mingi ]

zero + jongho ⟢ @ad0rechuu — you are just so sweet and friendly but i think that the particular way you go about making friends and interacting with people would makes jongho really like you. you're sweet but also have these more put together and aware vibes that he really likes along with your kindness. [ honorable mention ; seulgi ]

lilo + mingi ⟢ @seonghwaddict — i just feel like you would be such a sweet and wholesome couple. those recent pictures he posted from his walk at night? yeah that's lilo's boyfriend. it just feels right. i think he'd love your soft, lovely vibes. [ honorable mention ; yeosang ]

moony + joshua ⟢ @selenicives — you're aesthetics really remind me of shua !!! soft, full of browns and academia. i think he really appreciates your kindness towards others and the artistry you put into everything you create. [ honorable mention ; hongjoong ]

zerda + san ⟢ @a1sh1teruu — the softness that is you and san is too much for me to handle to be completely honest. you'd also be such a wholesome couple. i think he'd admire both your playfulness but also how hardworking you are !! [ honorable mention ; yeosang ]

mai + yunho ⟢ @gummygowon — the way that you first approached me with that super cute, sweet, and playful ask makes me think about yunho !! i can just see you two as the most sweet and playful couple who's able to cheer up just about anybody. [ honorable mention ; seonghwa ]

kimchi + taeyong ⟢ @planetkiimchi — you're just so wholesome and who better to match that energy than taeyong. just the sweetest couple to ever exist just about. you're friendly and silly in all the perfect ways for him !! [ honorable mention ; mark ]

kyuzu + renjun ⟢ @flowerjun — as a past renjun ult i am extra qualified to say that he is literally perfect for you. you're just so sweet and silly and lovely in all the ways that he loves the most !! [ honorable mention ; jungwon ]

lheo + seonghwa ⟢ @starrysvn — to me you have very caring and more mature, grounded vibes that i think seonghwa would really appreciated !! i just think you two would fit well together. [ honorable mention ; jongho ]

liz + san ⟢ @bluehwale — i don't know you too well yet liz !! but, i think the soft and friendly vibes that you carry would really suit san. just such a sweet sweet and lovely couple !! [ honorable mention ; mingi ]

kana + jungwon ⟢ @luvhyun3 — it just feels right i just think you two would have this sweet adorable wholesome puppy love. like everyone ever thinks that you two are the cutest ever and that's probably because it's the truth. [ honorable mention ; mingi ]

skye + hoshi ⟢ @etherealyoungk — i think i just associate you with him now bc of your newest profile pic bUT it feels right too. you're so so so so sweet and hoshi would be so so so so in love with you, no doubt about it. you can be silly goofy little cuties together. [ honorable mention ; seungcheol ]

[lumiereandcogsworth]

hiii!! I was wondering if you had any head cannons about adam and belle when they get in a serious fight ?? may seem silly lol

i’m not gonna lie i’m so bad at thinking about actual conflict dialogue between them. i fully know that they do argue, because they’re both so stubborn, and they’re a married couple and that’s just part of it, but usually when i imagine their arguments, it’s like a silent film sjdksj. but here are some thoughts i have about it!!

the main thing that they argue about is, ironically, lack of communication skills. adam has quite literally never shared his deep feelings with anyone, even himself in many ways, so suddenly having a partner who is a million times more emotionally stable is quite a change! and it’s difficult at first, and at least for a little while. especially since belle is sooo inquisitive, and so enamored with him, she always wants to dig deeper into his mind! but that kind of insistence just shuts him off. and, in the early days, that’s gonna result in him getting angry/defensive and biting back at bit

but belle is, of course, persistent with him. so they have their argument about stubbornness and just not quite being in sync about emotions, and then they have their time to cool off, and then they come together later and there’s quiet but sincere apologies. on both ends! adam is always working on his temper, he understands that she’s just trying to help, he just can’t articulate himself yet. and belle very much needs to learn patience. he’s starting at level zero in vulnerability, it’s gonna take some practice!! she just gets frustrated when she can’t immediately solve a puzzle. but adam is her favorite puzzle, so she’ll keep at it!! <3

over the years though, adam Does get better about sharing his feelings with her. i think i have a silly line in one of my fics set further down the road and it’s something like “after twelve years of marriage, adam was almost certain that belle did want to hear about his problems.” afjskdj. like yeah my guy that’s your wife of twelve years. you traumatized goober. anyway my point is the vulnerability and communication DOES improve! but it absolutely takes time and he’ll still never be as free with his feelings/thoughts as belle is. he’ll always be the black cat of the relationship, lmao. so those bickering matches won’t ever truly cease, but they get less intense.

another thing they very occasionally argue about is work. this is rare because they, in general, do different things. belle, as queen, focuses a lot more on human relations, social structures, the people themselves. i’ve always said that working on improving the education system is her number one priority. so she’s always in that line of committees, community action, local infrastructure. that kind of stuff. adam, as king, does more of the overarching government type of crap. bigger political decisions, taxes, business with allied kingdoms. gosh, he hates it lmao. but he just hates working in general so that’s not gonna change. my point HERE is that, while their lines of work don’t regularly cross, every now and then they do have to collaborate, and i think they butt heads when this happens because they work very differently. (adam is more organized and detail-oriented, whereas belle is. more loosey goosey and doesn’t always get things done on time. and belle says “oh you mean on Adam Time🙄” and he’s like “no i mean ON TIME!!”) but in general their work is kind of separate, which is nice! they have different things to talk about at the end of the day <3

(i can’t help but note though that when there are actual huge big political decisions to make, adam absolutely includes belle. like he intentionally made sure that they were coronated together, and that they’re equals on the throne. and politically speaking they generally agree about those kinds of big decisions, or at least they come to a good agreement after debating each other for a bit. but anyway just had to add that.)

another thing they definitely argue about is founded in adam’s worries about belle. i go into more detail about this here, but when belle is pregnant, adam gets overprotective, to the point of being very annoying to belle. so they have lots of very little arguments about him needing to CALM DOWN and her needing to BE CAREFUL and it just goes back and forth. they also obviously bicker while raising their children, but again it’s nothing more than normal. i think the hardest arguments are when they have their first child, and adam is just so uncertain about how to care for her, and belle sometimes offers too much help, to the point where adam gets insecure and thinks that She Thinks that he’s doing everything wrong. so he gets all defensive again and blah. but they work it out. that’s in the same period of time as him not being able to communicate his feelings well so it’s just all a lot.

the first couple years of their marriage are just insane because not only are they learning how to be a partnership, but they’re also learning how to be king and queen, and not before too long, they’re learning how to be parents. and they’re a great team! but they are different and have such different life experiences that it, of course, will inevitably lead to heads butting and unintentional words. but they’re always just as easily able to apologize and forgive and carry on. it’s difficult to navigate but they love each other so endlessly that it’s never truly hard. even when adam feels at his worst, or when belle feels so out of her depths, they know that they CAN always rely on the other. so while things may be intense in the moment, there’s always love there, and things always get figured out together 💖

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

after an intermission that wasn't nearly long enough, I bring you the final liveblog of season 4.

4x20

lmao blaze it

what in the off-brand Harley

god Cameron Monaghan's Mark Hamill is so good. rip king.

something actually extremely charming about Riddleboy still working the same team of hooligan kids and apparently just. completely and utterly trusting in their ability to pull off a prison break? and he's right, Gotham kids are built different. let the Riddler have a gang of ragamuffins they're the only people on earth who could possibly think he's cool.

I'm gonna say there's like. a 60% chance that Jeremiah's generator thing ends up being the Bat Signal or something. powering the Batcave maybe. it's gotta be SOMETHING come on.

I'm just going to be really real with you: whoever on the props team decided to put an ice cream cone and stickers on Jerome's notebook to make it look like a middle school girl's diary was right

Lee @ Jim:

today they forgot to put the Grundy makeup on Drew Powell's fingers

rip to Butch I guess but I really don't understand what he's mad about at this point. he's got all his memories back, he's fully articulate, he gets the added bonus of super strength. literally all that's different about him is that he's pale like boohoo dude life could be worse

straight up I have absolutely zero idea how old the Valeska twins are supposed to be. I thought Jerome was like ??? 19 but Jeremiah had a successful career as an structural engineer or something. Cameron Monaghan played them between the ages of like 21-26. genuinely 0 idea what the energy is here.

oh my god Jeremiah CHOKE you are so boring I hate your clown pussy. die die die die die die die. bitch you'll never be Jerome.

Jeremiah's fixation on being best friends with Bruce, who's like 17 at MOST, is not shedding any light on how old he's meant to be

I have spent. minutes. long ones. agonizing over the most comical way to present this information and the psychic distress that it has caused me. and there's genuinely nothing I can say that will gussy this up in a way that will adequately convey the pain I feel right now, so I'm just going to say it: Riddler's got a clown kink. canonically. I'm not extrapolating or exaggerating for comedic effect that was just. tossed out very casually. like a bowl of free chips at a Mexican restaurant. why. for whom. what godforsaken monkey on a typewriter pounded that one out.

Harvey Bullock and Nancy Pelosi have one (1) thing in common

hey so like. what the fuck is Echo's deal. what's going on there.

[ifuckinglovedinosaurssomuchjesus]

Just got back from Godzilla X Kong!

First off, just a warning, there are some intense scenes of strobing lights and sound so be prepared if you have epilepsy. Likewise, it is a constant stream of loud sounds and colors with many fast cuts and no room to breath, which means my autistic ass got extremely overstimulated in the IMAX theater and had to cover my eyes and plug my ears at times to calm myself down, so be prepared for that too.

Now, on to my rambly and mildly spoilery first impressions under the cut.

Like I said, this movie has absolutely zero room to breathe. They sliced away every millisecond they could to keep the runtime below two hours and it translates into a film that just not shut up. It's like every scene lasts 30 seconds, even the kaiju battles are so quickly cut that it feels like this gif:

That being said, the actual story when you think about it, before the searing stream of action melts your brain, is very good. It's about how your home is your family, and that's paralleled in both Kong's story and the human story. Jia and her mom are the heart of the film and they've easily become some of my favorite human characters in the Monsterverse.

I'm not sure how to articulate my thoughts the best, so I guess I'll just talk about each of the kaiju and how I felt about them.

Despite getting top billing, Godzilla just straight up does not matter in this movie. It's %100 Kong's story, Godzilla really only matters at the end when he joins up for the big finale fight and even then it kind of feels like Kong had this all handled. In fact, don't kill me, but Godzilla being here just makes the movie worse. Time given to Godzilla takes away time from Kong's story, which as I said feels really rushed. If anything Goji is a fucking asshole, he goes around slaughtering Titans that're just minding their business. What happened to balancing nature? You're going to kill some kaiju peacefully sleeping in the arctic because you want to glow pink now? BTW the power up is completely pointless, he doesn't even seem to do it for any good reason he just felt like a make over I guess.

Kong on the other hand was great, literally just the main character of the movie, he's the one with the most growth and who goes through a character arc. There are some wonderful scenes far away from any humans of just him doing his own thing, having his own adventure. I'm not sure I've ever seen a kaiju movie do that besides, funny enough, the much maligned Son of Godzilla. Kong finds his people, liberates them from a cruel tyrant, and proves himself king of the apes. The scenes of him and Suko bonding are especially strong in my opinion, showing Kong as an ultimately very kind and patient beast with a big heart that he desperately wants to share even with someone who hurt him. By this point, Kong is the most developed kaiju in the series, I love him.

Mothra is in the movie. Yeah, that's about it. Her presence doesn't actually make much sense, the whole "only an Iwi from Skull Island can summon her" meanwhile she just popped out of the ground herself a few years ago to fight Ghidorah. Likewise I was disappointed that she didn't really do anything, she doesn't even have a moment with Godzilla. I thought they were all symbiotically linked and whatnot? Why didn't she join the fight in Rio? Yeah, how about this, cut Godzilla from the movie and have her be the big help at the end. The story spends so much time on summoning her, about as much time as Godzilla goes stomping around, why not have her be the support for the big battle at the end? Also she's straight up magic now, materializing out of thin air, sure. Why not?

Skar King was a fun villain, I can definitely see him becoming a fan favorite. You can kind of tell with the fandom that nobody really cares about the MUTOs or the Mamma Skullcrawler despite being in some of the most beloved Monsterverse films, and that's because they're mostly treated as animals. Ghidorah was the first one really personified and for that he was a wonderful villain that the fandom could latch on to, and Skar King has a lot of moments where his personality shines. Likewise Shimo was great too, a sort of tragic mix of a war mount and a kicked puppy. I'm excited to see how the fandom reacts to her, most of the pre-movie art I've seen makes her out to be this omega asshole but in the film she's arguably nicer that Godzilla.

Yeah, having an hour and a half to calm down, I can say I had a lot of problems with the film. Likewise though, there was also a lot to love. I think I may try to watch it again, on a standard screening next time, to form some more solid thoughts. For now though, I can hope that this movie does well, because even if I'm not the biggest fan I still want to see the Monsterverse continue.

[wellthatwasaletdown]

is anyone else feeling extreme secondhand embarrassment from harry rn?? lmaooooo like damn, im cringing so hard at his answers and literally half of the casts' annoyed faces at him. the Nick Kroll kiss was cringe too and you can even see Jeff sort of freeze and frown for a second when harry does it lol. this man is absolutely oblivious to social cues and 'reading the room.' Seriously. It's like he lives in his own bubble and just has 0 clue about what is the appropriate way to act in situations.

His behavior at VFF was not acceptable imo. It was actually very embarrassing, and if he is not embarrassed by it, then it's probably because he doesn't understand that he's acting very immaturely. I feel like that's his main problem whenever he opens his mouth. Something just is not clicking up there. people love giving him the pass that he's young, but he is literally 28. Not to compare, but Timothee Chalamet is around the same age (26) and I have quite literally never seen him ever act so... childish.

I hope this doesn't sound horrible because i do not mean anything negative or offensive by it, but, in my head, the only good justification for H's childish behavior, non-sensical ramblings when asked a seemingly simple question, and general thought process, would be if he somehow has some unmentioned cognitive or learning ability issues going on... which, i doubt is the case because at this point, im sure that would've been disclosed or hinted at throughout the years. But the hype for the bare minimum and the way that ppl act like he is a genius and the best thing to happen since sliced bread makes 0 sense to me otherwise. Like, at this point, you'd have to be seriously delusional to think he's writing all of his lyrics and reading all of the books he claims he does. There's zero articulation. Zero knowledge of... anything? I almost feel bad (almost is the key word here) because it's like who let you get this far into adulthood being this clueless?? it's borderline heinous. it's so embarrassing and he doesn't even know it-- which is the worst part.

.

[ectonurites]

i think house of gotham had a much better take on the concept of "person who feels they were wronged by batman as a child" than robins

YES I 100% AGREE!

The unnamed boy in House of Gotham grew to resent Batman more and more over time, because Batman kept failing him or doing things he didn't understand (like cycling through Robins, from an outsider child's perspective him having that realization when seeing Jason in action that Robin's a different boy than before... would be understandably weird and confusing!) Azbats made this much worse by actively harming him which wasn't so much on Bruce, but still. The unnamed boy's story was so totally not the 'one bad day' concept put in action, it was the build up of many years worth of incidents that were out of his control, and when we watched all these events happen from his POV it was absolutely understandable to see how & why he'd feel the way he did about Batman.

Meanwhile A.J./Jenny Wren... well this anon articulated some of the logic problems well:

Like, I get that her shooting Cormac Dodge is this thing she did out of panic- and that Bruce freaked out at her about it. But she still shot someone (and it wasn't that he was even like, physically attacking her and it was in self defense that way, it was in defense of information about herself), that's something you do have to face consequences for! Bruce absolutely still would have tried to do what he thought would help her after that, it's just that... the ways he'd try to help definitely wouldn't be the life she wanted where he took her in. She destroyed the chance of that when she shot the guy, which was her decision. And yeah, faking her death literally did just make it impossible for him to even try to help her. She was angry at Bruce for a situation that she in large part caused for herself.

In House of Gotham when the unnamed boy has his final confrontation with Bruce, Bruce knows how he'd specifically let this boy down and how he could have maybe done things differently... and everything feels understood. We're watching this interaction and knowing each of their points of view, there's logic to each of their ways of thinking, even as they rehash the age old debate of 'fucking hell Batman can't we please just kill the Joker?'

But with A.J., it feels like she's supposed to be sympathetic but we're just left going "Wait what??" trying to understand how Bruce could have done anything all that differently, to try to understand what her perspective is here. Bruce acting remorseful about it after she yells all her "Why couldn't you fix me too?!" stuff at him... the "I was afraid. That you were too much like me. That I couldn't help you. That I couldn't break the cycle. You didn't fail Gauntlet Zero, A.J. I did." just makes NO fucking sense to me the more I think about it.

Like, she shot someone, in the words of Bruce in this very comic "She'd used the weapon of the enemy. She'd killed in cold blood. I couldn't accept someone like her." How is that being 'too much like' him?? If it had been Bruce feeling like he'd let her down by letting her stay involved in things (while taking down Cormac Dodge) to begin with? Totally. That could make sense. But the way it plays out here just does not add up. If the comic had the characters call her out on how irrational her entire premise was, then it could have worked! Villains don't need to be rational! But it's presented as if her whole thing makes sense, so it's just very ???

But anyways, yeah. I think House of Gotham definitely pulled off this sort of concept in a far more successful way.

[lemonlushff-iy]

Posted a few teasers for some Writer Asks, so...

Inuyasha burst into the men's bathroom, bracing his shaky hands on the ledge of the sink.

This...This couldn't be happening. Could it? It...He knew it was possible...That it would happen one day...But...now?

He reached over the sink to turn on the faucet, splashing cold water onto his face and dampening his silver bangs. He'd hoped it would help...But...He still felt light headed. Shaken. Trembling. His breathing was ragged, and he looked...about as big a mess as he felt.

Because the shirt he was wearing...

His shirt was red.

"It's...it's ok," he mumbled, looking at himself in the mirror - the bright red of his cotton button down glaring back at him like a beacon in the night. It was the most jarring thing in his world. His hair was still the same silvery grey it had always been. His eyes the same shade of grey.

The rest of his world...it was still...

Grey.

But his shirt...

No. His fucking shirt.

It was bright fucking red.

The first color he had ever seen that wasn't grey scale.

He ran his clawed fingers through his bangs, trying to get a hold of himself, but it was hard. It was like his thoughts weren't connecting in his brain, and everything had just gone...blank. He should be excited. Thrilled. Instead, he was fucking terrified.

Because his soulmate was nearby...

...And today was the fucking biggest day of his professional life.

The door to the bathroom burst open, and Inuyasha could smell Sesshomaru before he could see him.

"What the fuck man? Why the hell did y--" he demanded, stopping mid sentence when he could smell his younger brother's nervousness. See the water on his face and clothes. "Yash...what...Are you ok?"

Inuyasha slowly shook his head swallowing. He tried to open his mouth and tell his brother, but the words caught in his throat and he was left floundering. His lips were trying to form words he couldn't actually articulate.

"Inuyasha, what happened," Sesshomaru pressed, taking his shoulders between his large hands. It should have felt comforting...but all it did was make him feel smaller. Like he was a child again, needing is older brother to protect him from the kids at school that made fun of him.

Because he was color blind.

They'd called him a freak. A weirdo. Strange.

All because he couldn't relate to simple questions, like - What's your favorite color? Can you pass me the yellow marker? What do these four things have in common?

Hint - it was the color blue.

Something he couldn't see.

Because he hadn't met his soulmate yet.

But now...now he was seeing red. Literally.

"My shirt," he breathed, and Sesshomaru's face furrowed in confusion.

"What about it? Did you spill something on it? Rip a hole in it? Do we need to trade?"

Inuyasha rapidly shook his head, running his hands down his face.

"It's red," he muttered, and Sesshomaru blinked slowly at him.

"Yeah? So? You knew that when mom gave it to you. What's the big deal?"

"I...No. Sesshomaru. My shirt. It's red."

That time when he said it, really stressing the word "red", he could see it click in his brother's brain.

"Oh...shit..."

"Yeah. I know."

"...Shit!"

"I know!"

"What are you going to do?"

"I have no fucking idea Sessh! How the hell am I supposed to go out there and try to sell myself and my art in this fucking show, when my fucking soulmate is here!"

"Shit..."

"I know!" he repeated, his ire growing the more they stood there in the bathroom. He was starting to panic. He needed to mix and mingle and socialize...but he had zero desire to do so. Now that he was at least a little calmer over the absolute fucking shock of seeing color for the first time in his life, he only had one desire.

Find his soulmate.

But...if he fucked this show up, his might never be invited to show at this gallery again. He'd spent his entire career as a painter working to get into this place. It was known for its exclusivity. You couldn't be just anyone to show here. You had to be someone.

And he was finally someone...And it had been a hard fucking road to get here. He couldn't fuck this up...but...He also couldn't lose whoever his soulmate was.

Inuyasha watched his brother's lips press into a thin line as he tried to think of a solution, before finally coming to a decision.

"Trade shirts with me."

"I...What?"

"I'm going to pretend to be you," Sesshomaru explained, untucking his shirt from his pants. "You're going to pretend to be me. Just for now. We look almost the same anyways. That's what mom and dad always say."

"We do not! You have a fucking moon in the center of your head, and two stripes on your cheeks - I only have the one. And then there's the ears..."

"I know but...Most people aren't going to remember that shit anyways," he continued, handing his brother his shirt. "If someone knows who you are, what are they going to say? 'He's the dog demon in the red shirt.' I can be the dog demon in the red shirt. It's the best we've got right now...And you haven't been formally introduced yet. You said you never even met the gallery owner!"

"Only assistants," he nodded weakly as Sesshomaru started unbuttoning his shirt for him.

"Perfect. I think we can pull this off for now. It's going to be fine. You just...Need to try and find her. Fast."

Inuyasha nodded numbly as he shrugged his shirt off, handing it to his brother. Sesshomaru's shirt felt warm as he slipped his arms into it. It was an odd thing to notice, but...it felt oddly comforting, as did the scent of his brother enveloping him. It was like a layer of comfort while his entire world was being turned unexpectedly upside down. Even if they couldn't pull this off...he was thankful for his brother and his crazy idea. It was making him feel calmer, at least.

"It's going to be fine Yash...Alright?"

He nodded numbly again.

"Hey. Look at me," Sesshomaru repeated, taking his brother's chin between his fingers. "Let me hear you say it."

"I-it's going to be fine."

Sesshomaru nodded and the corners of his lips quirked up into the slightest of smiles.

"Good."

 FUN FACT. This one was inspired by Bob Ross. Go figure!

[iceman-maverick]

@larsulrichburneracc and a handful of anon's who took the the x-coded, y girl west wing quiz asked for me to elaborate on the hot take about leo being the show's go-to antagonist so here's my semi-coherent thoughts on the subject lmao

(ty all for taking it and thinking about it, it means a lot <3)

Basically I think that Leo, unlike the rest of the staff, doesn’t actually have a defined code of character. Josh has ideals and you can anticipate how he’d react to a situation based on those, same goes for Jed or CJ or Toby or Donna or or or or pretty much anyone else. But Leo is different. He doesn’t have his own perspective- he’s simply reactive to those around him.

He’s the first to say “no”, the anchor to Jed’s idealism, the strong hand to reel in Josh, the devil’s advocate to CJ, etc. I understand that this characterization was deliberate, but I find it troublesome because it means Leo changes on a whim based on plot needs.

And what the plot needs more often than not is for a member of staff to put the brakes on the momentum of whatever pie in the sky bill/policy they’re going for. Further, he’s the presumptive roadblock for any initiative, regardless of where it falls on the liberal-center-conservative spectrum. We can anticipate CJ will resist policy that's brushing up against women's rights. We know Josh will fight anything that compromises too willingly with Republicans. We know Sam will fight anything that's the popular option but not the ethically right one. But with Leo, he pretty much rejects anything that comes his way just for the sake of it.

Just two examples I thought of off the top of my head of senseless antagonism:

In the Woman of Qumar, he’s completely unsympathetic to CJ’s significant concern about selling tanks and guns to a country that's regularly executing women. I went up and found the literal script direction which is → Leo makes a hand gesture like 'What do you want me to say?'. which is just like WHAT? If that was Jed, he’d go into a whole “ends justifies the means” thing. If it was Josh, he’d go into a whole “the world is awful why do we have to be the only ones held accountable”. Etc. but Leo just has nothing to say.

Throughout the entire shutdown Leo is just ????, he’s completely weak-willed and over eager to take the bullshit Republican deal and then fires Josh for being the straw that broke the camel’s back on that one Dem that flipped Republican, as if that senator wasn’t obviously just waiting for an excuse to flip. Not very “man in the hole” of Leo in that moment to completely sack Josh in a complete overreaction for a room that was on fire long before Josh walked in.

Leo’s lack of definable character makes him the easiest avenue for conflict within the staff. It’s an easy sell that he’d disagree with Sam’s solving cancer push, with Toby’s college tax credit, with CJ’s reluctance to lie, or with Josh’s literally anything because he disagrees with everything, just for the sake of it (read: cause the plot demands it). We know who Josh is, we know how he thinks and how he feels, and as an audience we can make assumptions based on how he’d react. We can recognize when he’s not himself in Noel because we know him.

Throughout my multiple viewings of tww, I personally feel as though I’ve never learned who Leo is beyond his alcoholism, his loyalty to Jed, and his inclination to roadblock literally anything that lands on his desk. This isn’t nearly as throughout or articulate as I’d like it to be but it’s 1:00am LOL but yeah

TLDR; Leo’s a blank slate character that is molded to whatever the plot demands which is typically unneeded and irrational tension/contrarianism with zero justification. And it fucking annoys me LMAO

okay that's just my take :) sorry if you read this long and he's your fav, i just can't stand reactive characters because there's no point in doing meta on them because everything is in character when there's no parameters to confine yourself to LOL

[who-is-page]

We sort of started this discussion at Chimeras' Othercon panel, but I wanted to keep it going so I figured I would send an ask. What do you think it would mean for our community to drop the focus on voluntary and involuntary identities? I agree that we fundamentally should, but a bunch of things immediately jump to mind.

Our community has spent years leaning heavily into the lines between voluntary and involuntary identities and taken special care to make massive distinctions between them, leaving little to no room for grey area. It's no bit surprise that alterhuman spaces have had actual, legitimate, longstanding issues of grilling and gatekeeping. Nonhumans with nuanced and complicated identities are forced to shove themselves into a box to fit into the community, and the ideas we have about certain identities needing to be involuntary are absolutely baked into many aspects of our community and its history.

At the same time, we have used this unjustified gatekeeping in part to protect the community from genuine threats and appropriation of our terminology. The way we have limited our concepts of who is allowed to identify in what ways is generally wrong and has no doubt harmed a subset of kin, but at the same time is understandable in the sense that it has a cause. Yes, this was an issue even before KFF, but KFF certainly don't make it easy to create space for genuine voluntary kin and other voluntary alterhumans.

How do we create the space for nuance and fluidity and complexity in these terms and identities after we have spent so long defensively creating rigid boundaries and restrictions regarding the ways people are allowed to identify? How do we address community gatekeeping while also protecting our community from the people who use our identities and terminology in bad faith?

I have a lot of ideas, but this is obviously a very complex topic that we can't just solve in a day. I was just curious to hear your thoughts, if you had any. Hopefully once our personal website is up one of our first essays will be about this issue. (Also, how is Page? /hj)

So I know we’ve been sitting on this ask for... -checks watch- ...almost two weeks now, but it’s genuinely because I just wasn’t sure how to answer it for a good long while, and I didn’t just want to throw out some haphazard, half-hearted answer to such important questions. So here’s our thoughts on the debacle.

Voluntary and involuntary is a focus I doubt we’ll ever see any of the alterhuman communities permanently drop, for several reasons.

The first and foremost being that, by the definition of the term “alterhuman,” defined here as “a subjective identity which is beyond the scope of what is traditionally considered ‘being human’,” both experiences at their most extremes technically fall underneath the label, rendering the distinction (to some) vitally important to helping understand and define their identity/identity labels. The difference between KFF as an alterhuman identity and forms of otherkinity as an alterhuman identity, for instance, as you mention.

And then there’s the societal factors to consider. People like nice, neat little boxes: people like to be able to compartmentalize their communities, with no overlap, with no spillage, with no complications or grey areas or nuance. It’s a fact of life that people often instinctively want to water down labels and identities into more easily digestible formations, though there are arguments around why people precisely do it. And, as you point out, that often means alterhumans and nonhumans with more complex or nuanced identities typically get shoved into one box or another that they may not perfectly fit into.

When we zero in on specifically the otherkin community, this becomes even more complicated given the community’s rife history: abusive p-shifter groups, the appropriation of language by roleplayers and fiction writers, zoophiles attempting to forcibly associate otherkinity with pro-bestiality movements, and the blatant general misinformation spread by laymen and academics alike, just to name a few relevant problems the community has faced and continues to face. The community is stubborn to a fault, largely because it’s had to be in order to survive. It holds to its preconceived notions and rigid boundaries like a dog with toy aggression to their favorite plush stegosaurus. Fittingly so, really.

So how do we take that stubbornness and change it to be more inclusive to our own? How could we, while still surviving all that onslaught and more? That’s the big question.

In regards to the larger alterhuman community, we’re blessed in the fact that it’s still such a young concept: it hasn’t quite yet had to face the “pathological anger” Religious Studies professor Joseph Laycock has described otherkin as bearing the brunt of. It’s still a community figuring itself out, with much of the anger you find related to it aimed at specific subsets of community within it, rather than at alterhumanity as a whole. And I think the fact that the alterhuman community is still metaphorically air-drying on a table means we have the opportunity to prevent anti-nuance and anti-complexity attitudes from taking hold in it. How we do that is another battle in itself-- I feel like the encouragement of inclusive dialogue, of open discussion intermingled with considerate or civil attitudes, within alterhuman-marketed spaces is a good starting point. I also think that the encouragement and legitimization of “alterhuman” as its own standalone term would be a positive force, where it functions as a broad, diverse identity label in addition to being an overarching, joining umbrella label. A label where someone doesn’t have to give details away of their identity if they don’t feel comfortable doing so, or shove themself into a box they may or may not actually feel they fit into. Something functionally similar to how many people use “queer,” if you will.

But that still leaves aside the issue of identity and terminological misuse, I am aware. And that is...an abstract thing to ward against, at absolute best. I think that the defining of our own spaces not only through our words but also through our actions would perhaps be the best thing we could do, realistically. The cultivation of websites, of group projects--books, zines, comics, pictures, forums, anything!--, of community-led conventions and meet-ups and howls and gatherings. Things which foster and build a community identity of sorts is the best defense against those who would try and distort that which makes us, us.

Zooming back in on the otherkin community, these answers change slightly, because--going back to the clay metaphor--the otherkin community has already metaphorically been glazed and baked (in the fires of hell). That history is cemented, the ways people have wronged it and continue to try and wrong it is cemented, the assumptions and attitudes are cemented.

With the otherkin community, I think that the burden of changing minds and pervasive attitudes falls a bit more onto the shoulders of “community leadership,” because of how the community functions and values both community experience and articulation. There’s a reason we don’t have a term comparable to “greymuzzle” in any of the other alterhuman communities, after all-- it’s a well-known and often aggravating quirk of the otherkin community, to hold certain individuals in such high esteem and put them on a pedestal because of their longevity and the things they’ve done and said. I hate to say that they have to set an example, but in the otherkin community that really is one of the best ways to advocate for change, or to push against those gatekeeping and grilling attitudes--by those who are largely well-respected putting forward ideas that have previously been mocked or disavowed, pushing debates on their legitimacy into community consciousness until it eventually trickles into community normalcy and foundation.

(This is, as you can imagine, a double-edged sword depending on how it’s used. But that’s a discussion for another day.)

That’s not to say that the ideas of creation and creativity with the goal of cultivating an inclusive community identity, like I suggested for the alterhuman community, is inapplicable to the otherkin community: but the otherkin community already has a long-term community identity, so it’d moreso be creation and creativity for the sake of formative inclusion. “History is always written by the winners” is a very, very literal phrase in its application to the otherkin community. Our community memory, for lack of a better way to put it, sucks from individual-to-individual. The future of the otherkin community, its eventual-history, is determined by its historians and creators of today: day-to-day arguments and discussions, unless deemed historically relevant by one archivist or another, disappear to the sands of time, and much more long-term recordings such as essays, websites, comics, etc., often go far beyond just its creators hands and get passed around and down for years, potentially. If you want a more nuanced and inclusive community, you have to dig up the clay for it, shovel by shovel, and bake it yourself, brick by brick, and eventually, with luck, or enough backing prestige, or just because those bricks are so astoundingly solid people can’t resist taking some to build their own foundations to nonhumanity, things will change. It will take time above all else, but once it’s there it will be impossible to remove, because people will just assume those bricks have always been there given enough years.

But those are just some of my thoughts and opinions on it. It’s an issue with so many layers of complexity to it, that there’s really no perfect answer out there that I can offer, and I know even what I’ve shared here has its flaws and drawbacks. I’m sure plenty of my followers also have additional thoughts on the subject, and I’d love to hear from other people what they think in the replies and reblogs.

(Also, Page is a very tired boi.)

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb part 6.1

🎶 Back on the bullshit I never got off🎶

Is this another unnecessary story arc?? With three sections??

Yes.

Wushanju Crew Chat

Wang Meng: You know, I’m someone who appreciates consistency in my day. My life is pleasant, very few issues indeed if you ignore the big ones. And yet. Yet here we are. With unresolved messes at the end of a day.

Wang Pangzi: SOMETHIN YOU NEED TO SAY MARY POPPINS

Wang Meng: We need to talk about Huo Daofu and the glittery bead curtain.

Wang Pangzi: MY FAVE TEEN WIZARD SERIES

Wu Xie: did you turn on that suggested word thingy lol

What glittery bead curtain

Wang Meng: I closed the shop at 6:00pm this evening on the dot. I locked all of the doors in and out of the shop very carefully, especially in light of recent events. The hall leading to the back office was empty. I filed the day’s paperwork, updated and sent emails, and then spent an extra hour organizing receipts and dusting. When I came back out, there were glittery iridescent bead curtains over the front entrance to the shop.

What could this mean?

Wu Xie: uh that you need to spend less time at work?

Wang Pangzi: LOOKS LIKE WE GOT ONE FOR THE DETECTIVES. THE MYSTERY OF THE BEDAZZLED THRESHOLD COMMENCES

Wu Xie: I think we can be relatively secure in thinking a glittery bead curtain isn’t a hostile threat

Wang Pangzi: SAYS YOU

I REMEMBER YE OLDE EXPLORATION TIMES HOW FAST THINGS GOT FURIOUS

BEANBAG CHAIRS SET AFLAME AND LEFT ON DOORSTEPS AS A WARNING

GLITTERBOMBS FOR DAYS

PANIC AT THE DISCO

Wang Meng: Ugh, forget it. I should have just taken them down, regardless of who they belong to.

Zhang Qiling: They are not mine.

Wang Pangzi: A BOLD STATEMENT COMING FROM OUR PRIME SUSPECT

SOMEONE QUICK GO DRAW CHALK AROUND THE DOORWAY TO MARK THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

Wang Meng: Do we know anyone who *would* sneak in and put those up? For whatever reason, legal or not? Even as a joke?

Wang Pangzi: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING WHETHER WE KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CHAOTIC, AN OUTLAW, A PRANKSTER AND/OR SNEAKS INTO PLACES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN OUR SUSPECT LIST IS LITERALLY EVERYONE WE KNOW EXCEPT FOR YOU.

Wu Xie: okay let’s think about this; for starters, I didn’t break into my own shop

Wang Meng: You would be in danger of doing some work in the process, that’s true.

Wang Pangzi: LOL

Wu Xie: ANYWAY let’s keep going. For example, Xiao Ge would only break in somewhere for a good reason. Xiao Ge, did you do this?

Zhang Qiling: No.

Wu Xie: okay who’s next

Wang Pangzi: YOU REALLY MISSED YOUR CALLING IN INTERROGATION TIANZHEN

REALLY PUT THE SCREWS TO HIM

IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE;)

Zhang Qiling: How can we be certain *you* didn’t do it?

Wang Meng: Admittedly that was my guess, too.

Wang Pangzi: WOW I SEE HOW IT IS

BLAME PANGZI AS USUAL

ANYWAY HOW DOES HUO DAOFU FIT INTO THIS

Wu Xie: Oh yeah him! Oops I got distracted

Wang Pangzi: UR ENTIRE HISTORY IN A NUTSHELL

Wu Xie: Ugh fuck off

Wang Meng what abt Huo Daofu??

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wu Xie: oh sorry xiaoge I didn’t realize you wouldn’t have spent much time around him last year

He and I go way back

Zhang Qiling: Way back where?

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: I CANNOT BELIEVE HE IS BUYING YOUR INNOCENT ACT

IF YOU EVER TURN TO EVIL WE ARE FUCKED

Zhang Qiling: ?

Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO HUO DAOFU IS

YOU WERE EXTREMELY POLITE AND BORDERLINE FRIENDLY TOWARDS HIM

Zhang Qiling: I wanted him to feel welcome. I wanted to be sure he understands he has a place here. A specific place.

Wang Pangzi: FOR A SILENT GUY YOU ARE A MASTER AT SUBTLE POWER PLAYS IM ALL TINGLY

LMAO THE IDEA OF WU XIE LEAVING YOU FOR HUO DAOFU IS HILARIOUS AND ALSO NOPE

Zhang Qiling: Rationally, I understand that.

Main Chat

Wang Meng: Huo Daofu is coming for the weekend—didn’t Wu Xie tell you? Wu Xie asked me to check in a week ahead so we could start getting ready for his arrival

Wu Xie: oh yeah I did do that

Wang Meng: Fortunately I know you and so I already went ahead and took care of everything.

Re: the trip

He made a deal with Wu Xie’s doctor that he would do periodic checkups on him here at Wushanju

Bc Wu Xie hates being in the hospital

And frankly the hospital hates him too

Wang Pangzi: FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTEMPT LOL

I FORGOT HUO DAOFU WAS DOING THAT

A VERY CHIVALROUS GESTURE

WOULDNT YOU SAY

XIOAGE

Zhang Qiling: Is it safe for him to be here with a criminal loose on the premises?

Wu Xie: Right, back to the curtain! Let’s focus on the curtain, hmm?

Wang Pangzi: I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS WEEKEND.

ALSO WE CAN RULE OUT XIAO BAI FOR THE CURTAIN SHE JUST SENT A SELFIE FROM NORWAY COVERED IN GREEN SLIME WITH ZERO CONTEXT, UR PROTEGE INDEED

Wu Xie: okay but who else would do something so oddly charming yet illegal and—wait.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: hey, Glasses hasn’t been in touch lately right?

Li Cu: uh nope

Unless u count the outdated memes

Why, is money or Xie Yuchen missing

Or is this curtain related, I saw Wang Meng’s tweet

Wu Xie: haha no nothing to worry about really

(I mean maybe? but who knows)

Wang Meng is probably just getting a little paranoid in his old age

Li Cu: better than getting reckless and stupid as hell in ur old age

Wu Xie: …hey:(

Unknown Number: Li Cu, we discussed this.

Wu Xie: ????????

Li Cu: *sigh* fine, reckless and stupid as heck

Unknown Number: …close enough.

Wu Xie: EXCUSE who is that

Madame, Sir, Non-Binary Tree Spirit, etc—whomst the fuck

Are you

Li Cu is underage FYI

So Im staying on this chat

Li Cu: okay first of all, it’s not like that

Second of all I’m literally not underage I s2g

u threw the embarrassing surprise bday party, okay so u should remember

And C, that’s my counselor and I invited her. She wanted to meet u and I knew u wouldn’t agree to a visit so I added her to our chat

we have been discussing u

Wu Xie: Oh wow!!!!!!!

What a surprise:)

hi so nice to meet you:)

Main Chat:

Wu Xie: RED FUCKING ALERT

FUCK THE CURTAIN FUCK THE VISIT

IVE BEEN TRICKED INTO FAMILY THERAPY BY A SMUG TEENAGER WHO TEXTS UNKNOWN NUMBERS

Wang Meng: I assume that means something to someone here?

Not my problem? Good.

Wang Pangzi: AHAHAHA GOD I LOVE LI CU

HES LIKE ADORABLE KARMA FOR ALL THE SHIT YOUVE PUT ME THROUGH

IM RAISING HIS ALLOWANCE

Wu Xie: wait i give him an allowance

has he been collecting on two allowances??

Zhang Qiling: Three. I knew about both of yours.

Snake Eyes Chat

Wu Xie: so uh may I ask your name?

Unknown Number: you can call me Ms. Lee.

Now, if you’re comfortable talking in this format, why don’t you tell me how things have been going?

Wu Xie: oh everything is normal and fine and safe as usual, why do you ask:)

Li Cu: I heard about ur necklace thing. nice of you to NOT mention it.

another dangerous adventure. again. prick.

Ur lucky your cool boyfriend cares about you so much or you’d have already died like ten years ago

Wu Xie: lol try twenty years ago

Li Cu: That isn’t funny.

Unknown Number: …What?

Wu Xie: shit ur right, okay that was a bit glib, my apologies.

…I use humor as a coping mechanism?

Unknown Number: and Li Cu, how do you feel about that?

Li Cu: he doesn’t even know what that phrase means

He doesn’t cope, like ever

In fact

It’s kind of why we met

Which is a funny story in retrospect tbh

Wu Xie: haha what are you talking about sweetie hahaha need I remind you of certain anecdotes that could idk send me to jail maybe lmao

Unknown Number: …You know, perhaps an in-person meeting might be more effective?

Wu Xie: haha such a nice idea but why

Main Chat

Wu Xie: If I go to jail, I’ll have to create alliances for protection, right, that’s how it works on tv

Who do we know who spends time in jail

Other than Hei Yangjing, he’s only ever there for like 12 hours and i suspect he just gets himself arrested bc he enjoys the breaking out process

Also how’s the curtain case coming along

Zhang Qiling: Has someone threatened you?

Wu Xie: well not yet but soon I’m sure

Wang Pangzi: WHERE WAS THIS PARANOIA WHEN WE GOT TAKEN TO THE TEA HOUSE HUH

Snake Eyes Minus Your Fucking Therapist Chat

Li Cu: okay how tf did u pull off spy and undercover shit

u are sus as hell

Wu Xie: damn son is it pick on Wu Xie night

I missed the flyers or I would’ve invited my uncles

Also re: the curtain it’s been mostly solved

Li Cu: I’m not your son, idiot.

Wu Xie: …oh. Sorry, sorry, you’re right, bad choice of words, haha

Forget i said anything

Delete this chat even

Li Cu: shit I meant

Legally, biologically, I meant—

shit

…I turn into an asshole as a coping mechanism?

Wu Xie: oh that’s all okay! I have to go do something else now let me know if you need anything okay kid thanks!

Li Cu: goddamn it calm down who’s the kid here

lemme organize my thoughts so I can articulate my emotions fuckin healthily or w/e

Ugh maybe for like one afternoon we could go to Ms. Lee together? She knows how to word stuff

Wu Xie: uh…okay.

Li Cu: Anyway you don’t need to worry abt jail

As if you would survive prison for one day you’d piss off half the place in like an hour or less

I gave Ms. Lee the heavily edited version of the desert highway to hell roadtrip and i discussed it more in terms of like “nightmarish but still wouldn’t take any of it back”

Well maybe the sand

that shit was everywhere

Wu Xie: oh kiddo. It’s fine, really…You don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Li Cu: no, no it’s just

I do technically have a dad

who is an asshole. Being a son doesn’t really mean shit to me bc it sucked.

So you need to stop backing down just cuz ur guilty abt stuff. I’m really really glad ur not my dad in a good way. Do u get what I mean there

Where’s the mafia widower I followed into hell, huh

Wu Xie: Ur a good kid, despite my influence. I’m really glad you have someone to talk to after everything I…after everything. Wow this talking through feelings thing is kind of weird but nice ur right

Jfc no wonder it took me and xiaoge so long to—you know what, we won’t get into that

Li Cu: ew tmi

Also re: this week’s recent necklace fuckery

I moved my stuff here, I live here now

So you can’t die anymore

Or else…Idk I don’t have a threat planned

anyways abt the curtain

Wu Xie: oh my god, kid…kid you have no idea

I am in tears.

Li Cu: see this is why I can’t be nice to you I can sense the hallmark channel from here

Ugh don’t be sad in ur room that’s dumb

Go hug Pangzi or something

Maybe delete this chat

Or the curtain thing

Focus on the curtain thing

Just stfu and go away

Wu Xie: <3 screenshotting this <3

Li Cu: I take back everything I said. This is why Xiao Ge sleeps on the roof. I hope the ghosts of the Wangs put up that curtain to strangle you somehow. Go die in a stupid way, it’ll suit you.

Wu Xie: lol don’t worry I’m not gonna embarrass you with it or anything

Main Chat

Wu Xie: omg guys look how cute my kid is *sending screenshot*

Wang Pangzi: I MEAN

HE IS WISHING YOU DEATH

BUT SURE

CUTE I GUESS

Wu Xie: no but read the whole thing:):):)

Zhang Qiling: It is indeed very hard to remain angry with you. And you are welcome to join me on the roof.

Wang Pangzi: UH NOPE

NOT WHENI HAD TO BLEACH THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN

DONT TRAUMATIZE THE EARLY BIRDS THEYRE ALREADY FREAKED OUT BY U YA HOODIE CRYPTID

Wu Xie: ok true but babe ur like a sexy cryptid

Wang Meng: so, are we just accepting that there is a glittery curtain of unknown origin, and Huo Daofu is going to have to see it while he’s waiting for you at Wushanju bc you’re going to family therapy?

Wu Xie: right

Wang Pangzi: SHOULDA TAKEN EARLY RETIREMENT HUH

Wang Meng: I’m going to go dust something.

Unnamed Chat:

Unknown number: so the curtain…

Unknown number 2: yep, not my best work but I kinda panicked last minute u know

Unknown number: what is in the water at Wushanju that makes everyone dumb and attractive

Unknown number 2: relax they’ll figure it out

[thekitschdiet]

my take on the literary masterpiece, the chic diet

Firstly, I am no one. It’s part of my charm. My fifteen minutes of fame was years ago, when I had an instagram niche meme page. I didn’t even take any brand deals! And my posts averaged six thousand likes! Anyhow. I am hardly literate and well hydrated and carry a small sephora-CVS-hybrid worth in my mini tote bag. Here is my guide on how to live like me, the intermediate kitsch-rat, aspiring influencer. But like, in an apathetic, somewhat dissonant, ironic way. I like saying I live by dogmatic principles. But a lot of it, um, is just eating disorder rituals. But that’s not really important. You’re as hot as you say you are, and as much an authority on what you write so long as you say it with, you know, conviction. It’s kind of venerable how fucking delusional I am, actually. Giving any sort of advice like I’m anywhere close to the ritzy ideal of the amphetamine-areyouami label-american. New York, ideally. West Village, preferably. But I guess the kind of guide I can write is better suited to someone living in a suburb, in a house with the twelve-paned windows. I always thought those were so chic. SO quaint, in a somewhat luxe way. Like, Connecticut vibes. My parents used to drive me up there as a child to buy books and ice cream. Nowadays I’d opt for a matcha latte with novelty ice cubes, but I guess at the time it was pretty sweet. 

Because I popped a Vyvanse at like, 10pm, this next little bit could go one of two ways. I will write the most articulate, brilliant piece of literature of my life. Magnum opus, if there was a skinnier word for it. Or, I will get wrapped up doing something like folding all my last-season knits (which is part of my look, okay! I don’t have a job!) and fixating on a paragraph on how a girl’s collarbones are almost as identifying as a fingerprint, or a signature. I’m not a graphologist, but if you write your A’s with the little tail on top (like on a computer), you’re probably a snake. Nothing personal, just an observation. Also, I do have a biology final to study for. Not that I’m super anal, or even particularly committed to academia, but even in my precariously manicured (read that as separate terms; I did a good job on my nail polish, okay? But I happen to also be teetering on the brink of an epiphany or a collapse. Hence the use of the word precarious.) state, I know it’s important enough I can let one of my countless side-quests sit idle for a couple more days. 

The first section seems only natural to be about hydration. And the whole idea of drinking things, really. There was a section in The Chic Diet about Adderall dry-mouth, which deeply resonated with me. Once I bit off a chunk of a Nivea Strawberry Shine (my favorite lip balm, more on that later) and swished it around my mouth. Didn’t help. Really, really didn’t. Anyway, I suppose that even if it served no purpose for combatting my prevacatingly ingenious cottonmouth solution, I was able to milk a sentence or two out of the experience. “Do it for the Vine”, all grown up! And wearing bananapapaya resin hoops too. Side note, that Etsy shop is a parasocial enemy of mine. It stems from jealousy, which sucks, but hating from inside a club I’m adjacent to is much healthier than being a hateful individual towards people I would, you know, interact with. Daily. Or something. I stopped going to therapy because I felt stupid about going and I don’t live in the right kind of town to warrant vacuous $300 hours. Bitching about my well-adjusted parents and how desperately I wished my anxiety would just “go away” was plainly gross, and a waste. Like, pretty sure almost every problem I have could be solved by a couple painful conversations taking place during a hurricane. Such a shame it doesn’t rain much here. Anyhow, I digress. 

Staying hydrated. It is essential to my character, my persona, if you will; to never be without either an elegant metal bottle (I’m loyal to the smooth enamelled S’well ones, printed to look like marble or a semi holographic solid) or a little 16oz tumbler with a metal straw. Hydroflasks were some of the worst things to happen to society. I want to preface this claim with the fact that I wanted one in the same way a teenage girl wants a new iPhone so she can keep up appearances with her dermatologist-dad friends who still have the XR, by the way. But I ended up spending the money on like, a minidress at Brandy Melville before it fled my city. Or maybe a Fresh Sugar tinted lipbalm. For the better, even though the dress has a busted zipper now and the lipbalm tube has inevitably gotten dinged and dented by the other contents of my mini-totebag. Unlike a car, though, a couple scuffs on your laptop or your luxury lipbalm tube looks kind of cool. Like, you’re not someone who values the pristine, unused quality of an item that was ambiguously intended to be used versus displayed on Instagram.  Now, I’m wondering why this paragraph about hydration is so fucking impossible to stay on track for. I literally drink several litres of water a day, and more tea on top of that. And sometimes an almond milk latte if I can budget it in. Not that I’m so anorexic I can’t afford a 45cal latte. They’re just not that important to me. Anyhow. Drinking lukewarm (on the cool side) water is better than ice-cold. Partially because I just get it out of the tap of my ensuite and I can’t be bothered to wait for it to run cold enough every time, and it just seems wasteful. Plus, there is something so.. skinny about drinking water at an “obscure” temperature. Trust me, I want to know why my thought process is like this too. My favorite tea is blueberry tea foraged in a side aisle at my local supermarket. I love a good commercial, high-end steep or fruit infusion as much as the next girl. Maybe more. My pantry is filled with tins labelled with things like “emerald jade organic” and “magic potion”, which is really just currants and butterfly pea flowers. But there is a necessary glamor about drinking dirt-cheap tea on the daily. Seriously, a box of 25 sachets is like, $3. At a higher point with my, um, Adderall problem, I spent like several times that on pills. I didn’t really need to include that, and could have linked the price point to the cost of a drugstore lipbalm, but I wrote it in. And I’m married to it, stubbornly, as all amateur writers should be when they wittle in a somewhat indecorous little joke. This tea is sooo good because it has a strong fruit-reminiscent taste (not as sweet as a fresh blueberry, but who wants that anyway?), it’s zero-calorie, it’s the most GORGEOUS color ever. The latte, the third drink in my little trifecta, is nothing special. But necessary. The trick is to use a milk frother to whip up sugar free syrup with instant coffee and a little bit of hot water in a glass. It’ll make the most luscious foam.. Top it off with almond milk. My dad is a coffee purist, owning both an upstairs keurig AND a downstairs one (among other more analogue methods, but I can’t name-drop, so what’s the point?), so he hates this drink. Now, calling oneself a plebian is so unglamorous and teetering on self-deprecating territory, dangerously close to insecurity. But I can use it here because I am at least posh enough to have a different pair of earrings for every outfit I could possibly come up with, and I only wear Patagonia if I am in a situation where I just have to wear fleece. Like I was saying. It’s such a simple drink, certainly not a delicacy, and… I had a joke about the word plebian but I keep getting up to refill my water and I fear I have forgotten about it. 

Next section; the importance of a good tinted balm

In the intro I alluded to how a girl’s collarbones function essentially as an identifier, the way a signature or fingerprint does. This is a lie, or at least an exaggeration. But one’s ultimate tinted lipbalm is  actually extremely indicative about who you are, as a person, as a member of society, even… 

If you are loyal to Dior Lipglow, I have a couple questions. One; did you shoplift one tube, once, and refill it with cheaper stuff afterwards? I did that. I consider it one of my better-kept secrets, but now you know. Might as well explain the catalyst for my parent’s first separation now, and the horrifying experience that was meeting my dad’s Manhattan sugar baby (?) at the age of thirteen, wearing an overalls dress from, like, Topshop or something else equally embarrassing. .. Kidding. I digress. It’s such a fancy lipbalm, and good too! It smells like thin mints! But I could just never justify cell phone monthly installation payment money on something I will inevitably talk off. I do own three, but two I stole (before I lost the nerve, somewhat unfortunately) and one, a boy(not)friend bought for me. This is not something I feel any remorse about, because his house was easily four thousand square feet and his sisters had a dedicated all-glass room for their shared peloton. Oil money. Ugh!

My personal favorite lip balm, and I have tried a frightening amount, has got to be the Nivea Fruit Shine collection. The frosted one is shit-ugly. Hideous. But the strawberry one is the love of my life. It’s such a pleasant red, looking healthy and rejuvenated and really completes any look. Only downside is it will always, hopefully not always, remind me of Charles. Kissing Charles, specifically. And him asking me what lipbalm it was, because he knew I was somewhat frivolous and definitive and would have a very long answer. But for whatever reason, I simply stated it was from “out of town”. Not really sure why I said that, but it plagues me (minorly) to this day. Of all the things to make up.. .. The peach one is a perfectly demure spring classic shade. Cherry exists too, but the only tube I have ever had the fortune of owning was purchased in Costa Rica and lost somewhere on the way home. Honestly tragic, it was the juiciest shade. Blackberry is perfect too, but I have to layer it with either peach or untinted lipbalm to avoid what I imagine TooPoor would choose if she believed in tinted lipbalm. I don’t mean this hatefully, I think she’s a queen, but super dark, smudgy makeup suits the eyes better in my opinion. Or something. Or something.

Afraid to bore the reader, I have to move on now. Maybe at a later date I will release an addendum on my ultimate lipbalm buying guide. But also, that is so deeply personal (and everyone needs the excuse of “hunting for the perfect staple shade!!”), so it is really not my place to have any authority on something so intimate and subjective. Etcetera. 

Moving on; Decorating your room

Here is a section I lifted out of my memoir document. It fits, because as enigmatic as I hope I am, I am also quite unchanging.

 I just pushed three hangers and two tiny strappy tops with the tags still on, off my bed. Most nights, all, these days, actually; I spend in my large but cluttered bedroom. I have a little ensuite with a jetted tub I’ve never used because I just never get around to it. There’s a plush grey rug, spanning the expanse of the room (covering an ugly cherry wood that doesn’t match the rest of the house; no clue why. I never asked, and the previous owners were eager to sell so they could finally ditch this town and retire in Montreal for the bagels, or Hawaii for the monk seals. Point is, I’ll never know) with loose beads and loose pills and little shards of glass from plier-crushed beads. I vacuum every day. The whole room tells you exactly the kind of person I am; the clutter I possess, the encapsulation of the projects I start, start, start and the hours I don’t sleep for and the clothes I tried on (these to sell, these to cut up with kitchen scissors; thrifted lululemon and aritzia and heaps of knits and plaid fabric..) I would not say the room is a mess. Lived in, maybe. Chopsticks and mugs and gum wrappers. Single dangle earrings. I just finished the last of my Creme Brulee eos lipbalm; disguised as a relic of 2015, I was gifted it Christmas of ‘20. I think my next waxy conquest will be a tinted Burt’s one I palmed a while back, before I lost the nerve. Peering around the room you will see shopping bags strewn about the mouth of my walk-in closet. Every surface has something shiny or colorful stacked up on it. Cluttered, busy, but intentional. Except for the walls, which are bare. Bare and gray and miles-tall when I lie flat on my back, high out of my mind, willing things to change but knowing I’m responsible for a first step I will always be too scared for. Bare, pristine, no gumtack. Empty, Like they’re waiting. I wait around a lot. It makes sense. That was an awful lot of words about my stupid blank walls when truly it does not bother me that much; I really just don’t get around to it. I have other things on the ground to tend to, like post-email nausea, addressing envelopes, marrying wire and bead.  Writing a document I care about because I am determined and I am alive, alive, alive, goddammit. 

Excerpt over. The memoir is coming out when I get famous, or something earth shattering happens. Like I become the world’s least remarkable entrepreneur, and I get retweeted by Colorpop. I don’t want to be the next Elizabeth Wurtzel. I read two of her memoirs one restless night, absorbing it to make up for the nutrients I didn’t that day (you can laugh. I think that is pretty clever), heart breaking a little bit. She writes about her struggles so intrinsically, you either get it, or you don’t. Anyway. She had the books and the fame from it, and she wrote more memoirs than I think a single person should. That is admirable. Aspirational, even. But I do not want to be like her. Where was I? Oh. Yes. Decorating/adorning/filling your room. Your room should serve as the kind of place to watch a movie (if you believe in film. I don’t) and put on ridiculous glittery eye makeup, or smoke an ~artistic cigarette~ or stay up all night on the phone, which is different from staying up all night simply on your phone. Chatting with someone you are tepidly in love with is much more exciting. Not chic as the whole affair is so juvenile, but fun regardless. It’s somewhere to keep your worldly possessions, too. I know I have a lot! Also, it is kind of thrilling to hide things in your room in little crevices only you know about. Now, unfortunately, everyone reading this will know too. But, like, I trust you not to really.. do anything about it. I keep my extra juul pods in the sliding box my apple pencil came in. That box is almost more useful than the pencil itself. I’m somewhat morally opposed to the iPad. Whole culture is so embarrassing! I have a tea tin with an ounce of golden teacher shrums in it. This is tossed in my closet among tins filled with other things, like lace trim and buttons. Which makes it actually a pretty terrible hiding spot, I see now… Anyhow. Keeping benign little secrets like that is so fun. You can tell I don’t have siblings. I sort of wish I did, but it is easier to believe there is something aristocratic about being an only child. Not sure if older-sister me would be egalitarian enough to share things. But that’s prophesying, which is kind of a waste of time. I live in the now, in a room positively cluttered with meaningless things that mean the world to me, chewing on my lip because my mouth is just so dry and 5gum is just not an after-8 indulgence. To live truly kitschly, you have to have somewhat hideous decor. Now, do not confuse dissonant, or incoherent, with what I mean by “hideous decor”. The kitsch room has as many surfaces to look at as possible, while also shying away from too many shelving units. Then you risk your room looking like a storage unit or something. When my mom renovated (re: paid someone to do it) our New York house so we could sell it, all our stuff was stacked up in a Cubesmart self storage. It was sort of horrifying, seeing my childhood home reduced to plastic storage tubs piled what felt like thirty feet high. Anyway. It’s just not an  inviting way to store things; I imagine it makes your room look like your stuff is all trapped in gelatin. The more fussy, tiny things you have out in the open, the better. Nail polish. Earring trees. Bowls full of rings and lighters and water color pans perched on your windowsill. A rack with the tackiest assortment of knits and bucket hats and baguette bags. And so forth.. Quickly surveying someone’s room is so telling. Bonus points if all your books are spine-in, except for your favorite ones, because you don’t want people to get the wrong idea. (that you read). 

[bestworstcase]

Hi! I’ve read some of your posts about Rapunzel. They’re very good! One thing I’ve noticed about Rapunzel is that she likes to have uneeded amounts of control over other people. Including her friends. While this is most obvious with Cassandra, you can see it in her interactions with her other friends and people as well. While I like to think that letting Cassandra go at the end was a step in the right direction, I don’t know if I would say Rapunzel’s outgrown this tendency. It’ll be a process.

mhm this is one of the things that most interests me about rapunzel, bc here’s this character who grew up with zero autonomy and was then thrust more or less immediately into a position of enormous power with no preparation whatsoever, and my read on her controlling behavior is that she, as a result of these circumstances, simply isn’t able to differentiate between having autonomy and having power; i.e. she needs to be in absolute control of a situation in order to feel free to live her life as she chooses.

(consider rapunzeltopia: rapunzel, having festered away in hidden doubt and guilt over her decisions in the great tree for months, is so tempted by the promise of a world where she has no power and no one demands that she make decisions for them that she comes within inches of knowingly trapping herself in a fantasy where she will have no ability to make choices whatsoever; and critical to her overcoming this temptation is for her to symbolically defeat her doubts about the choices she made in ratgt. the first thing that happens when rapunzel rejects the dream is she is attacked by a furious cassandra, injured arm exposed, blaming rapunzel for everything - and then rapunzel picks up her crown, the symbol of her authority as a princess, to deflect nightmare!cassandra’s blow and literally cracks her out of existence. power and autonomy are so closely intertwined in her subconscious that she cannot have the latter without embracing the former.)

(as a series tts is broadly pro-monarchy and celebrates rapunzel’s growth into feeling comfortable and secure in her power, so i doubt that this is the intended reading of rapunzeltopia, but it’s the one that is the most compelling to me personally. anyways,)

it’s very easy to see how she came to conflate these two things - what’s less clear, and quite a bit more interesting for me both as a fan doing analysis and as a writer writing fic, is her path out of this mindset. she needs to be really challenged on her controlling behaviors, and she needs to have chances to step back and allow other people their own choices in a way that allows her to work through the underlying fear that not being in control will keep her entrapped in some way; i think she would need to dig pretty deep to get to a point where she could even articulate this fear, which is a necessary step to disentangling it from her thoughts, and all of this becomes harder when she’s a princess whose authority is seldom if ever questioned by her loved ones.

i think, in a canonish setting, a lot of it would have to come from conflicts with her peers; foreign dignitaries who are simply not beholden to her authority as corona’s princess and who have the social and political standing to set and enforce boundaries with her. much of her ability to be as controlling as she is comed not from rapunzel being particularly manipulative (she has some habitual behaviors that are manipulative, but no more than any victim of emotional abuse might have) or uniquely skilled in maneuvering people (she’s socially inept) but rather from the fact that all of her friends are commoners, and the one who gets the brunt of the controlling tendencies is her literal servant, so in a sense they really can’t say no to her. people from other countries of equal standing to her, however…

post-s3 i don’t think it would take a lot, honestly, for her to become aware of the basic problem, even though it would take a long time to unpack. a handful of messy diplomatic incidents to get her thinking about it, in top of her already having grown enough to give cass her blessing when cass decided to leave. i think s3 ends on a note of rapunzel being close to a breakthrough in this regard but not quite there yet.

(in fic of course i just threw her to the wolves, and by wolves i mean pirates who don’t give a damn that she’s the princess, a mere eight months out of the tower, because catastrophic culture shock builds character)