#lives and 2. ive only RECENTLY in the past few years even gave a second glance at the idea bc ive never been that guy bc personally i have

[straycalamities]

now i'm curious about swagtre begin parents, like adopting a kid, taking care of them, raising them, idk i think that's cute

uhhh i don't really have more thoughts on it tbh O_O sorryyy

[sigmaelxgr]

Ive never introduced them to you didnt I? Heres what they look like on the ESO european serv:

Here is Sigma-El, also called by Xangr himself "the Child", or "Sun", or "Beloved", "My Dearest", "Gold of my eyes"... He's their primordial aspect, the One that came first, The Truth behind the masks. Sigma-El is made multiple, and some of his aspects have been given or gave themselves names to give meaning to their own existence. Sigma-El sleeps, most of the time, tenderly protected by Sangre/Xangr, that cherishes him like a sweet mother. Sigma-El being the First means their first name of all was Sigma-El, and some dunmers still call them this way. When asked, Xangr tells that Sigma-El means "Fallen from the Sky". Sigma-El is the sweetest being on Nirn, immaculate by nature - his soul splitted in half at a young age to protect him from tragical events. The second aspect is Xangr.

Xangr is the one you'll encounter the most. Very androgyneous in his demeanor, extremely meticulous with his appareance and almost always seeming of an other-wordly beauty and serenity, Xangr is a ferocious mother, protecting the Child in them with both tenderness and cruelty. He's made wise by years of suffering and questionning about his nature, his purpose, his role, he saw glimpses of Oblivion through despair and rage of having no satisfying answer, and grew back to care only about themselves as the lesson he ultimately learned from hideous past and mistakes. Xangr is extremely self-centered, and is an exceptionnaly gifted sorcerer. He may look lonely, but his focusing on Sigma-El, on "Us Both" makes him capable to endure it. It's him, his part of their soul that splitted to concieve Molkhun Dahkem, the Third aspect.

Here comes Molkhun Dahkem. Molkhun is their most recent aspect, born the 20th of Evening-Star, three years ago, on the Chil'a - and Molag Bal's day of invocation. Molkhun has a complicated birth; he's what remains of the part Xangr left behind him when he fleed the Worm Cult, just before the Planemeld stopped. At this time, Xangr used to be so implicated in the Cult, fascinated by the figure of Mannimarco (that defied all things he bitterly learned about Divines and Ancesters, that gave him answers and FINALLY an inspiration, a reason to live, someone he could aspire to be). When Mannimarco betrayed Molag Bal, the Lord of Domination, Xangr was already a talented conjurator - he understood Bal's calls and heard His Voice through every ritual he led... The idea that the Worm King betrayed the Prince hitted him so hard, it's like he reclaimed lucidity a few seconds of clarity. Sigma-El awoke, took Xangr by the hand, and broke his shell that was anchored into the ground like nothing could remove him from the Cult. The broken shell, later, would grow in the shadows to become Molkhun Dahkem.

(note: Molkhun and Sangre share the same name. Molkhun means "blood" in dunmeri and Sangre is the name of a pigment used to simulate blood painting. Dahkem means "ink", inspiring a deep deep black.)

(note 2: the nix-oax's name is Red Curry, and it's Sigma-El's favorite buddy)

[bmpmp3]

Do you have any tips for drawing bodies from multiple angles?

WROTE A LOT SORRY its under a cut!

honestly i dont have the most practice with it since a good 70% of what i draw is characters wait up standing looking 3/4s left or right orz BUT some things that helped with the few interesting poses i draw once every fiscal quarter IS.....life drawing orz

specifically life drawing sessions where you do a bunch of quick gestural figures (like a 60 second timer each pose) at the beginning and then slowly increase the time for later poses, like 2 minutes, then five, where you slowly increase the amount of detail and rendering each pose, and then one or two long 10 minute ones where you go all out. i think that kinda structure helps a lot to 1) warm you up and get loosey goosey with ur lines and 2) get in the zone to think about how bodies work without overwhelming urself - like in the 1 minute sketches you could basically only get a weird stick figure, in the 2 minute ones maybe you might get a little more definition in the sillhouette, at the 5 minute poses you got some folds of the flesh implied with a few lines and a bit of hatching, and by the 10 minute ones ur really thinking about how the different parts of the body all interact because you already did some practice (the previous poses) if that makes sense?

ALAS we are in a world situation where cramming 40 people in a room to silently draw one naked person for three hours is not......happening (at least not where i live) so for the past couple years ive had to make do with online resources, which arent half bad! theyre not quite the same, for me at least (i think in person i can see more interesting angles) but they do the job! here's some I've used:

http://reference.sketchdaily.net/en

https://line-of-action.com/practice-tools/figure-drawing

https://quickposes.com/en

https://youtu.be/mNNSwITdPIM (linking this channels clothed references so no one gets a surprise titty in the face but normally i personally use nude references) (although recently ive been using some clothed references as well just because i realized im so out of practice drawing clothes hsjlkfBJKLFJSFKLD)

figure drawing and life drawing and especially gesture drawing is also something thats kinda tricky to learn if no one ever taught you (and honestly its tricky if someone DID teach you lol) so maybe someday i'll get around to trying to explain what ive learned myself if that could help someone

ive tried using 3d models but ive never foudn them that useful, probably for the same reason i prefer irl models to pictures (easier to see whats goin on) BUT sometimes it can help as a rough guideline if ur doing a weird angle youve never done before!!

SPEAKING of guidelines. guidelines are ur friend. guidelines r ur lifeblood. guidelines will always help even if u dont follow half of them they are SO helpful - I OFTEN find myself kinda skipping them, like you can see here in this drawing i havent erased the sketch from yet that i drew a circle and then a line for shoulders and gave up (probably impatient lol):

BUT guidelines can help so much~ when im drawing a full pose i'll usually have guidelines that really are no more than stick figures like basically like:

stick figures with dots for joints and maybe some rough lines here and there like it doesnt need to be nice or perfect since its just gonna get erased anyway~ it helps me keep track of how bones work hjfsdskjvfdfs

OH and artist mannequins.....like 3d models theyve also never done me any good like those wooden ones? I hate em theyre so stiff and i dunno what to do with them BUT.....okay...action figures? not bad....like maybe not so much with anatomy but if you have a doll or action figure with good articulation you can kinda use that to help out with funky poses sometimes!! like i have this one gundam and honestly....even though its a mecha with a giant mecha dong or whatevers going down there its like....not a horrible mannequin for poses jfksdlfjrfkehjklsd

WITH REGARDS TO foreshortening.......................................we are all on our own with that one orz LIKE i have tried every trick in the book, every funky tip and method and technique and none have worked for me so i just wing it jhkDmFJKDLS WELL actually having like a page of really sloppy loose stick figure sketches where you experiment with proportions helps a lot!! i do that with weird poses or angles, like dont worry about about how it looks HELL unfocus ur eyes. unfocus ur eyes. i do that all the time while drawing and its great it helps you see the big picture and the silhouette without focusing too much on one thing~

anyway yeah i dunno i guess a lot is just experimentation but hopefully some of these resources might be useful!!

[kyber-kisses]

Southern Nights (2/4)

Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: all of the feels, and fluff. Dean being the softest boi

Summary: After a situation with the BMoL, Dean finds himself running towards the person he fears for the most besides his brother. But even when he finds her safe and alive, he can see that something isnt right.

a/n: Ahhh so you know how i said it would be two parts? I lied. Its gonna be four. Anyways I hope you enjoy and feedback is greatly appreciated.

Part 1

You had been uncommonly quiet.

Throughout the day Dean had continued to watch you closely, like he could somehow piece together what was going on with you just by watching. Even after they had packed it all in for the night, you remained much more quiet than normal as you moved around the kitchen to make dinner. Every once and awhile you would hum along to a tune on the radio but that was about it.

“You okay, Dean?”

The hunter sat up straight at the sound of his name on your lips, his arms folded over the kitchen island. “Me?”

“. . .Yeah?” You paused cutting up an onion to look at him. “Who else would I be talking to named Dean?”

He swallowed before quickly nodding. “Yeah, yeah im fine. Why do you ask?”

Shrugging you went back to work, the sound of the knife hitting the cutting block muffling radio momentarily. “You've just seemed quiet that's all.”

“Me? You're the one that's been quiet all of today!”

You looked up from your work once more, eyebrows raised at Dean as you slid the contents off the block and into a pan. “I haven't been quiet. Ive talked to you and Sam today-”

“No that's not-” letting a hand slide down his face he stood up, walking around the island towards you. “I'm just saying, you haven't been as talkative as you usually are. You haven't cracked a single joke today. Not one.”

“I'm sorry?” you tired, not really seeing where Dean was going with this.

“You're always cracking jokes and making lighthearted comments. You haven't done that at all. Whats going on?”

“Why do you think somethings going on if im not telling jokes?” You laughed lightly, reaching around him for a pepper.

“Um- because that's who you are? energetic, lively, funny Y/N.”

“Well I’m sorry, I was a little busy helping you and Sam find your missing mother.” You began, your knife going through the pepper with much more force than needed as you began dicing.

“I just want to know if your okay, that nothings bothering you-“

“Dean, I am Fi--” Your words were stopped short as you yelped, knife dropping to the block as you drew your hand back. “Fuck-” sure enough you had managed to cut yourself, the blood leaving the slice in your finger to run down your wrist.

“Jeez, Y/N-” Dean was in action before you could stop him, moving forward to gently guide you towards the sink. “This might sting for a sec.” Flipping on the faucet he let your put your hand under the flow of water.

“Ive been through much worse, Dee. I think ill live.”

“Im sorry, this was my fault.” Dean sighed, inspecting the slice in your finger.

“Last time I checked I was the one wielding the kitchen knife.”

“I know- but I-” You pressed a finger to his lips, shaking your head. “Don’t. If you wanna really help me you can grab the first aid kit that's in the cupboard.” You nodded your head in the direction you were talking about. “Got it?”

“Mmmhmm.”

Lowering your hand you gave him a soft smile. Why was he always doing that? Blaming himself for no apparent reason. Putting your hand back under the faucet you focused back on the cut until Dean was back at your side.

“Will you at least let me patch you up? To make up for pestering you?” He tried, clicking open the lid and rummaging through it for bandages.

You let out a dramatic sigh before sitting yourself down on the kitchen island. “I guess . . .i mean, it is very hard to say no to that face.”

that got a chuckle out of the hunter before he slotted himself between your legs and carefully taking your cut hand in his to inspect. “I know, I'm a goddamn gift aren't I?”

“Oh, I wouldn't go that far.” You smiled, using your free hand to prop you up as you watched him disinfect and wrap the cut. Every once and awhile Dean would look up from his work, eyes finding yours before giving you an almost timid smile.

Bastard. He really had to stop doing that if the two of you were going to try to continue only being friends. You could hear the little voice in your head screaming arms length away! Arms length away!

At that same moment one Sam Winchester came walking back into the room, hair still wet from his recent shower. At the sight of the first aid kit and the scattered materials he paused on the other side of the island.

“What the hell happened?”

“You're brother stabbed me.” You stated bluntly, sliding back off the granite counter and bumping your chest against Deans as you did. Weasling past him you gave him a pat on the shoulder.

“hey, no I didn't!”

“That’s exactly what a person who just stabbed someone would say.”

“Why you little--” You cut him off yet again, this time handing over the kitchen knife to him with an amused grin. For a moment Dean could see the normal you again, and he couldn't help but smile back.

But something was still there. He could see it under your smile and the glint in your eyes.

“You goin somewhere?”

“Uh, yeah. I called dibs on the shower next. You two can finish up dinner.” Backtracking away you gave them both a wink before disappearing around the corner. Once you had vanished Dean let the facade drop before whirling around to look at his brother.

“What?”

Dean waited another second, making sure you were out of earshot before planting his palms firmly on the island. “Alright, tell me if I’m crazy— but Y/Ns acting a little off isn't she?”

“Off in what way?”

“Off in like- she’s not her usually energetic let’s go kill some monsters attitude.”

“I mean. . .maybe?” The younger Winchester shrugged, not quite understanding what his brother was getting at. “She did say she was spending the week resting up after that rugaru Hunt. She’s probably a little drained from that.”

Dean ran his palms down his face, “yeah, but think about it. Jody said she had been here for almost five weeks. Five, Sam! Five! When have we ever known Y/N to stay in one place for that long? Hell, even during thanksgiving last year she only stayed a few days before running off towards another case.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Dean. Maybe if you’re so worried about her just try talking to her?”

Dean sent his brother another glare. “Have you not seen me trying to do that all day? She just keeps acting like she’s fine- and I know for a fact that she is not.”

Shaking his head in defeat, Sam moved past his brother to continue making dinner. “She loves you Dean. Anyone can see it, and I know you can too. She’ll open up as long as you actually try. And if you love her, you will.”

*        *         *          *

Thankfully Dinner had been more lively than the rest of the day. And for awhile you actually had managed to almost convince Dean you were fine. The three of you spending a good few hours seated at the kitchen table and reminiscing about days gone past. You were cracking jokes again, and laughing at his. From across the table Dean would watch as the corners of your eyes would crinkle and you would double over in laughter. If he could he would stay in this moment forever. One where you all were happy and full of energy.

and then that perfect little image had to fade.

It was almost like you ran out of steam or something because your laughter slowly pattered out and it was like watching you cave in on yourself. You became quiet again, losing yourself in thought as you washed the dishes. Dean couldn't stop himself from glancing over at you each time you passed him a plate or dish to dry. That dullness behind your eyes. Leaning backwards, he made eye contact with his brother. The younger Winchester slowly beginning to see what he was talking about.

“You know what, I can finish up here Y/N. You've already done so much for us.” Sam pipped up, putting a reassuring hand on your back.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Raising your hands in surrender you backed away from the sink. “Well then go for it I guess.” You sighed. “Ill be on the porch if you need me.” retreating from the kitchen once more, you paused at the threshold. “Dean, you comin?”

“Oh, uh- yeah. Yeah ill be out in a sec. Im gonna help Sam finish up.” Dean quickly stuttered. He watched as you gave him a puzzled look before walking away. Not a second later a soapy hand smacked the back of his head.

“Why'd you do that? That was probably the perfect time to talk to her.”

“I. . .Panicked?”

“You-” Sam paused, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You panicked? Since when do you panic around Y/N?”

“I don't know! Sue me!” Dean whisper snapped, rubbing the suds off the back of his head from where his brother had smacked him.

There was another round of silence before a grin slowly spread across Sam's face as he watched his brother. “God, you are so in love with her aren't you?”

“Shut up.”

“Its cute.”

“Dammit Sammy, I said shut up.” Dean growled, wiping his hands off with a towel before throwing it on the counter and walking out of the kitchen and in the direction you had gone.

Dean was expecting to have to search for you, but it only took two steps out the front door to find you. Between the string of yellowish porch lights and the yard lights in the planter boxes you were easy to find. The sun had set hours ago, but the night air was still warm, and the stars were brighter than usual. You were stretched out in the grass, drowning in the sea of life around you as blades of grass tickled the soles of your feet. You were fiddling with the dials of your old radio when you heard the bang of the screen door, looking up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Sam again?”

“. . .Yeah.” Dean sighed, making his way down the steps before stopping and sitting on the last one. “But its nothing. You dont need to worry.”

“I always worry.”

“I know.’ He paused, watching as you sat up and swung your body around to face him. “You must really like it here.”

You shrugged, setting the radio down in the grass as some oldies playlist softly fell through the speakers. “Yeah. Its quiet here. Unlike every sketchy motel in America.”

“Yeah. You’re right about that.” He lightly chuckled, pausing only for a moment when you got up and moved to sit down next to him, hands wrapped around your knees.

The two of you sat like that for awhile, letting a comfortable silcen fall between you. No words spoken. Just easy silence. During that time it felt like the world had stopped. The only sound being the soft hum of the radio next to you and the even softer drone of katydids and crickets that seemed to come from everywhere. At some point a yellow tabby cat slunk across the grass just beyond reach of the porch lights, jumping up to swat at a lightning bug.

After a few minutes you spoke up again, your voice soft. “Thats another thing I like about you.”

“What?”

“Your a good person to sit with. You always offer silent comfort when needed. Sometimes before I realize I even need it.”

A small smile fell across his lips as he turned his head to look at you, surprised to find you already looking back. You were much closer than he originally realized, and he felt his breath hitch in his throat. You could feel his breath fan across your lips when he exhaled.

God, you were so close- so fucking close. The temptation to close the remainder of the gap between you had Deans heart doing barrel rolls. It was like some silence dance between the two of you, both set of eyes meeting before focusing on lips- and then back up to eyes.

And then the moment was severed when you pulled back, shaking it off.

Dean sucked in a breath after watching you for another moment. “You gonna really tell me what’s going on with you?” He finally spoke, making sure to keep his voice soft as yours, afraid to disturb the serenity laid out in front of you.Somewhere in the distance a dog barked.

“Does it really matter?”

“Yes. Because I’m worried and can see that you aren’t your usual self.”

You didn’t make eye contact, instead you kept your gaze on the tabby stalking through the grass. Why were you so afraid to say it out loud? It had been gnawing at you for days now but actually saying it? And to Dean no less?

“Dean, I think I’m gonna quit hunting.”

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[ellewritesathing]

So Close - S.S. IV

Summary: The universe has a funny way of putting the things you want right in front of you, but just out of reach. Stiles and Y/N have been best friends ever since Scott brought him home, but when Stiles realizes that he might want to be something other than best friends, she leaves to go to some fancy private school up North. Now that she’s back though … maybe he’s got a shot? A Teen Wolf AU in which the reader has always been so close to Stiles and yet so far. 

Prologue - S2E1 Part 1 - S2E2 + S2E3 Part 2 - S2E4 + S2E5 + S2E6 Part 3 -  S2E7 +S2E8 Part 4 - S2E9 + S2E10

Wordcount: 3k+

Although you’d never been to one of Lydia Martin’s famous birthday parties, you’d heard great things. When you got there with Scott, however, it was a bit of a letdown. There were maybe ten other people who came, excluding Allison and Stiles. And while the three of them were huddled up, catching one another up on the kanima, you were walking around with Lydia and helping her make sure that everything was perfect. 

On the outside, it seemed like the only thing she could be worried about was this party, but you knew there was more to it than that. Before you’d gotten back, she’d been attacked by the old alpha and lived to tell the tale, and now she’d just been broken up with by homicidal lizard. It was a lot for a girl to handle.

“So how have you been?” You kept your voice casual as you fixed some of the flowers in one of the arrangements. “I haven’t really seen you since the day we all got together to study.” 

“Oh, that?” Lydia hummed, pouring more drinks into the massive punch bowl. “I’m fine.” She turned and gave you a sugary sweet smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Um, no reason. Just that you and Jackson had a pretty big fight,” you said hesitantly. 

“We’re so passed that.” She shook her head as she pulled a face that you couldn’t quite describe the emotion behind the punch bowl and scooping some into a cup. When she looked back up at you, she had her winning smile on again and she pressed the glass into your hand. “He’s coming tonight, after all.” 

“He is?” you took a sip of the drink and tried not to scrunch up your face. You didn’t mind the burning of the alcohol so much, but it tasted like she’d dumped an entire bag of sugar in there. 

She nodded, content that you’d drank some punch and didn’t seem to be pushing the Jackson topic any further. “I’m gonna bring out more snacks.” 

You watched her turn on her heel and stride into the house. As soon as she was out of your line of sight, you poured out the drink. You guessed that made you the designated driver for the night and grabbed a solo cup to fill with some water. 

--- 

It didn’t take much longer before the party got out of control. Apparently, you were the only one that didn’t like the taste of it, because everyone you saw was drinking the punch and they all seemed very enthusiastic about it. You pushed through the crowd to find Scott, but with all the people it was a nearly impossible task. Eventually, you found him on the second-floor landing, shifting to his werewolf form. 

“Scott?” you called hesitantly. You knelt down next to him, touching his back lightly. His breathing was ragged. “Scott, come on. You’ve gotta listen to me. Whatever’s going on is-” 

“It’s Lydia,” he heaved. “She put something in the drinks.” 

“Why would Lydia roofie the drinks at her own party?” 

“I don’t know!” He was trying not to yell but you winced all the same. He was gripping on the carpet underneath you, fighting the claws that were trying desperately to come out. 

“Okay,” you said, in more of an attempt to get him to calm down than anything else. “Can you stand?” You began helping him up, but he was leaning heavily on you. “Let’s get you some water and then we’ll find Stiles.” 

He nodded and let you drag him to the bathroom to get cleaned up. He coughed up whatever he’d drank into the sink and washed his mouth out. You frowned when you saw blue flower petals filling up the sink. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s wolfsbane,” you told him. You reached to pick one of the flowers up but stopped when you remembered how they came to be there. “Where would she even get that?” 

“I don’t know,” Scott exhaled. “But we need to find Stiles first. Let’s split up.” He was out the door and down the stairs before you had the chance to protest. 

You couldn’t find Stiles but you did manage to find Allison. She was really freaked out but seemed to be through the worst of it by the time you’d found her and taken her to the bathroom. She got a call from her dad while you were cleaning up and rushed out, leaving you to find Scott and sort this mess out by yourself. 

People were jumping into the pool and dragging others innocent bystanders in with them when you got outside again. You scanned the crowd for your friends and rushed over to them just as someone dumped Matt in the pool. He was flailing and calling for help. He couldn’t swim. You shared a quick glance with Stiles before moving closer to help Matt out of the pool. 

Jackson beat you to it though, roughly pulling him out of the pool and turning around to face the crowd. He looked like an angry guard dog curling around Matt’s soaking wet frame, ready to attack anyone who came close. Matt glaring at the crowd around him didn’t exactly make help the image. 

“What are you looking at?” he yelled. He stopped in front of the three of you, Scott and Stiles tensing at the confrontation. The three of you watched as he walked past and through the crowd. Someone yelled that the cops had shown up before any of you got the chance to say something. The teenagers screamed excitedly as they scattered, completely and blissfully unaware of the danger around them. 

“Come on,” you said, nudging your brother and Stiles out of their stupor. “We should get out of here.” They both nodded, and Stiles took your hand in his as he guided you through the crowd. You’d reached for Scott’s hand but the three of you were separated almost instantly. When you met up at the Jeep, he told you guys that Matt was definitely the one controlling Jackson.

--- 

You stood behind Stiles as he tried to convince Noah that Matt was the killer, sparing him the supernatural details of course. You and Scott looked at each other a few times throughout the process. It was a pretty unbelievable thing you were asking him to believe. 

“Okay, so give me a motive,” Noah said eventually. He seemed like he’d aged five years since the beginning of this conversation. “Why would this kid want the majority of the 2006 swim team and their coach dead?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Stiles asked. If it was obvious, it wasn’t to you or anyone else in the room. “Our swim team sucks!” He continued complaining about the team while you and Noah rolled your eyes. 

“We’re still working on that part,” you cut Stiles off with a smile, pulling him back slightly to give his dad more space. Scott jumped in and explained that you needed to see the evidence but Noah was hesitant. He didn’t work there anymore. 

“Just trust me, they’ll let you in,” Stiles urged, moving forward again but stopping abruptly when Noah pointed a finger at him. 

“Trust you?” he repeated. His anger, though it made you uncomfortable, was understandable given recent events.

“Trust- trust Scott?” Stiles tried again. He put an arm around you and pushed you to the front of the group. “Y/N? She’s always been your favorite.” You gave Noah your brightest smile as the three of you waited for his answer. 

“Them I trust,” Noah said, lowering his hand. And after a little more convincing, the four of you piled into a car and drove down to the police station. It was two in the morning, but it couldn’t wait. As Noah drove, you looked up at the full moon and wondered how the Hale pack was handling it. 

The four of you huddled over Noah’s desk and began reviewing footage of the hospital murder when you got there, and soon found a shot of Matt talking to your mom. Scott called her and convinced her to come down to make an official statement saying she saw him there. That would give Noah enough for a warrant. Stiles rushed to the front to tell the officer to let Melissa in when she got there and you sighed and curled up on the couch. It’s not like anyone in Beacon Hills had a regular sleep schedule, but it was really starting to get to you. You snapped out of your tiredness, though, as soon as Stiles came back, followed by Matt pointing a gun at him. 

“Matt,” Noah said. “It’s Matt, right?” When he nodded, Noah pushed forward. “Whatever’s going on, I guarantee you there’s a solution that doesn’t involve a gun.” 

“You know, it’s funny you say that,” Matt chuckled. “Because I don’t think you’re aware of just how right you are.” That meant Jackson had to be somewhere close. 

Matt coerced Stiles into handcuffing Noah to a bench in front of the holding cell and made Scott cuff you to the desk on the other side of the room. You told him it was okay, that you’d be fine - just like Noah was saying to Stiles. Matt had thrown everything off the desk so that nothing would be in your reach. As soon as they left, you took a deep breath and began scanning the wreckage for something useful. 

“Hey, Y/N,” Noah called over. You turned to look at him. “Don’t panic, okay? We’ll get out of this just fine.” 

“Thanks, Sheriff Stilinski,” you smiled. 

--- 

When you heard the gunshot and Melissa screaming, you panicked and Noah shot upright and yelled out. Once they moved Melissa into the holding cell and you saw that she was alright, you began to calm down. Scott would heal in no time. But he was in over his head and you had to do something to help. 

“Please,” Melissa begged. “He needs to see a doctor.” Noah started arguing with Matt but Scott told everyone he was fine and that it didn’t hurt. “Because that’s the adrenaline, okay? Please, let me- let me just take a look at him, okay? I can help stop the bleeding.” Her begging broke your heart and you looked down guiltily. You’d been so upset about them keeping things from you but you didn’t stop to think about how it might affect your mom. The tension wasn’t eased by the fact that Matt was having a psychotic break and no one knew where Stiles was. 

Matt threatened to kill Scott if Melissa didn’t shut up, and any fear that you’d felt was replaced with anger. You heard Derek in the back of your mind telling you to channel your anger into something productive and started thinking of how to get out of your cuffs. He’d said the only way to do it was with a key or to dislocate your thumb. You didn’t have a key nor did you really feel like dislocating your thumb, so you thought harder. 

There was a kid at Willow Creek who used to pickpocket the rich kids and she taught you a few tricks. You weren’t exactly sure how to do it, but as soon as Matt and Scott left you turned to your mom. “Do you have anything small and metal on you?” 

“What?” Melissa frowned, tears in her eyes and clearly overwhelmed. She was probably also wondering why that was your first question instead of a daughterly ‘are you okay?’ or a naive ‘what’s going on?’

“Do you have anything metal on you?” you repeated. “A paper clip that you forgot to put back when doing filing or a bobby pin for your hair or-” 

“Yeah- yeah, why?” Melissa asked. She patted the pockets of her scrubs and took out a binder clip. You could take the metal out and it would work just as well, or so you’d hoped. 

“Throw it to me,” you instructed, repositioning yourself to get a better chance of catching it. Your cuff pulled on your wrist but you ignored the discomfort. 

“Why?” Melissa repeated, tossing it over to you nonetheless. 

“She’s gonna break out of the cuffs,” Noah said incredulously. He looked at his own cuff. He’d been working on pulling it out of the wall. He told you to get him out if your plan worked and you nodded. Everyone would be safer if you could get the two of them out of the building.

You struggled with the binder clip until you got the metal out and managed to flatten it out to a mostly straight line. “Here goes nothing,” you mumbled. You used your makeshift shim and slid it in as your tightened the clip. You grinned when the cuff release. “Kate, wherever you are, know that I love you.” The lights began flashing and an alarm sounded and you took that as your cue to find the others. 

“Y/N, stop!” Noah yelled as quietly as he could without letting the others know you’d broken out. You ignored him as you raced out to find the others. You ducked when you reached the bullpen that was under fire, crawling over to the lumps you assumed were Stiles and Derek. You asked whether they were okay, but Scott got there before they could answer and Derek was yelling. 

“Take him!” Derek could barely move, but it was more than Stiles could. “Go!” 

Scott slipped and arm around Stiles and pulled him to his feet before handing him over to you so he could help Derek. The two of you tried to stumble out of the building, hearts pounding your chests. Jackson was right behind you, breaking through every door you slammed shut and barrier clumsily thrown in his path. You shoved Stiles into an interrogation room and locked the door behind you, breathing heavily as you leaned against the door. For a few seconds, it was deathly quiet, but then Stiles groaned and you got the fright of your life. 

“You know I’m still mostly paralyzed, right?” he asked. “You push me like that and I fall face-first on the ground.” You looked over at his contorted fallen body and pulled a face. 

“Sorry!” you whispered, kneeling down to flip him over. You sat down and pulled him into you so he could pseudo-sit up. With your arms around him and his back pressed to your chest, you could almost convince yourself this was a sweet moment. The two of you sat in the quiet for a while, you resting your head on Stiles’ shoulder and Stiles leaning back into you. 

“We should keep moving,” Stiles said after a while. “We’ve gotta get our parents out of this.”

“You can't even sit up by yourself.” You shook your head and started moving out from under him. “Stay here and I'll get them,” you said as you stood up.”

“Y/N, please,” he exhaled. He looked so small propped up against the wall, so defenseless. You knew he needed to be a part of this to prove something to himself, but it didn’t make the decision any easier. “Let me do this with you.” After a few seconds, you caved and pulled him to his feet. Once you made sure he could do this without getting himself hurt, the two of you stumbled forward. His grip on you was a little bit tighter now at least. 

Noah had just torn the handcuff plate from the wall when you’d gotten there, but Stiles pushed you flat against the wall. Matt stormed past in a haze and didn’t see you. He knocked out Sheriff Stilinski and you squeezed Stiles’ hand to keep him grounded. “Stay here,” you whispered, lowering Stiles to the ground. “I’ll keep them safe.”

“Matt? Matt, please listen to me,” Melissa begged. If she saw you, she didn’t let on. “My son has been shot. And I’ve heard other gunfire and I don’t know what’s happening, but can you please just let me see my son?” 

“How totally clueless are you people?” Matt replied. You made your way towards him while his back was facing you. You’d picked up one of the heavy files that he’d strewn across the floor, and you were about to strike him with it when he turned. You hit him in his stomach. “You bitch!” He lunged at you and you dodged his attack. You looked over to see Derek growling in the corner. You weren’t afraid until Jackson came in from the other side. 

Matt used your momentary surprise to hit you with the gun and you fell down. He started running but you grabbed his ankle and yanked him down, crawling over to pin him to the floor. The gun skid across the floor to where Stiles was lying, but you didn’t have time to really notice because in an instant Jackson was pulling you off Matt by your neck. Your hands flew up to pry the claws off and your legs were kicking wildly, hoping to strike either of them. Matt made his escape and your vision started blurring when Derek attacked again. You fell to your knees and gasped for air, not hearing your mom’s frantic yelling. 

When you recovered, you dashed over to Stiles and fumbled for the gun, lying when he asked if you were okay. It was bulky in your hands - none of your training with Derek was with weapons like this - but when Jackson was slithering all over Melissa’s cell door you knew had to at least try. While you were trying to aim, Scott ripped him from the cell doors. You weren’t even sure when he’d shown up. 

You lowered the gun and took a deep breath. Scott had saved Melissa, but in the process shown her who he really was. To say she wasn’t taking it well would be an understatement, and you ached to see him go through that. He turned and left, not looking at anyone as he did. Jackson had gotten away during your family turmoil and you rushed up Melissa’s cell, barely registering your new-found safety. You managed to get the door unlocked and wrapped your arms around your mom. She was crying so hard that her entire body was shaking and collapsing into yours. 

“Shh,” you whispered, smoothing out her hair and holding her up. “Mom, it’s okay. You’re okay.” She was grabbing desperately at your clothes, trying to find something to hold onto. “Scott’s okay. We’re all okay now.”

Part 5 - S2E11 + S2E12

[vnshkk]

Let's talk about Kyo's media blackout.

It is with a slight reluctance that I post this. It's not wise to mention Tanuki online nor share what they talk about within the overseas fandom for a multiple of reasons. 

1. I don't want them to get angry at me

2. I don't want the overseas fandom to flip out and judge the Japanese fandom

3. I just want everyone to be chill and happy and flowers

But I've seen a lot of people freaking out, a lot of random theories floating around and people worrying so I wanted to post this theory and open it for discussion. 

Of course this isn't fact. It's pure speculation. But given the timeframe, PERSONALLY I feel like this may have had something to do with Kyo decision. 

So I post this with two DISCLAIMERs. 

1. As mentioned this is not in any way fact. There is no proof that Kyo does or doesn't look at Tank. I simply find it interesting the sequence of events, the timing of the media blackout and I am only translating this for those who are interested. I hope this doesn't cause any huge arguments or any bad blood. It's simple here to discuss and consider.

2. Please do not judge the whole fandom based on Tank. Just like any forum, any comment section on the world wide web; there will be people who leave negative feed back. It is a tiny portion of people and not a reflection of the Japanese fandom as a whole. Judging them based on what they said would be like someone looking at negative comments or sarcastic jokes on Tumblr and judging the English speaking fandom. That's not to say what they post is okay, but it's just dumb shit posting and shouldn't be taken to heart. 

you get me fam?

Okay, so I contemplated posting screenshots and translating what happened immediately after Kyo changed his profile picture up to when he deleted everything but as I said I don't want to be taken out by angry tank users so I'm just gonna translate a selection of posts. 

These posts are taken from the Meg thread (remember the girl linking arms with him at a concert? That's Meg.) which to be honest is a shit show. It was a thread born from those notorious pics and for over a year now has remained a place where people post rumours, shit talk, complain and just make shit up a lot of the time. So please, AGAIN, bare that in mind. It is a place of negativity born from a scandal that shocked a lot of the fandom. Aint nothing nice ever gonna be said there. Periodt. In reality a lot of the people who post there are still fans of Kyo. I think they're just still a little hurt by the way it came to light about Meg. 

After Kyo posted his new picture I checked tank before going to bed because I was curious about what their reactions would be and everyone had exploded. During the 7 hours I was asleep Kyo deleted everything and left the internet forever so tbh given the fact he was probably bored in a hotel in Fukuoka, just did a radio show, probs wanted to see peoples reaction, etc I personally, believe he was on Tank. This is a running theme in the thread itself and people often say he actively browses it (this is not a major thing, a lot of guys in bands browse tank same as celebs browse twitter. Why Kyo would look at the meg thread in particular? idk. ) 

SO TLDR 

Yesterday around 7pm the thread suddenly changed to mixed reactions after Kyo changed his Twitter pic. 

"His new twitter icon had me shook lol" 

"I hope he changes his instagram one too" 

"Idk I don't like how quickly he's become some kind of social media old fogey" 

"Kyo's turned into a social media monster too" (*edit; my bad Yuchi is beer monster, Shinya is social media monster lol)

"It's kinda cheap" 

"I get you, it's like he's lost his values" (probably because Kyo has always made big deal about how much of himself he shares) 

 It continued like that for a while with people more or less saying the same thing until he posts about leaving social media.

"He just suddenly said he's not gonna do social media anymore" 

"lol after he went to all the effort of changing his profile picture" 

"I'm shook" 

"annoying 40 year old nut job" 

"Bet you he came on here"  

"Do you normally change you icon then quit" 

"Join Kyo online" 

"idg why even though Kyo's had so many haters since he first started twitter he's suddenly affected by it??" 

"I still think he's cute even when he's sulking like this lol" 

"I knew he was looking at Tanuki"

"I don't get why he's suddenly deleting it after all this time?? It's like what is this old man on about?" 

"It's lame how he's making such a big deal of out saying he's quitting" 

(lots of people agreed with this post saying that he's acting childish)

"I wonder what happened? Like everything seemed fine recently. I mean we'll never know but like I'm sure he has a lot going on.." 

"I can't believe he basically wiped his instagram clean but left all the pics of cake and omurice lmao" 

"If only he'd go to sleep earlier and eat a banana the serotonin would fix everything" 

The random comments and mixed reactions continued for all of Friday.  One of the main points that stuck out after the initial reactions was how people began to become suspicious that this was merely a tactic to get people to join Kyo online with people claiming this was typical of business man kyo,  that it was about that time of year where they usually begin to advertise and promote in order to get new members. 

So, allow me to play devils advocate for a second. As someone who is a member of Kyo online I have to admit since he started posting more and more online (compared to hardly ever on Kyo online), the membership has become more or less invalid. In the past it was worth the money for the videos and pictures that as fans we rarely saw. But if he's going to post them online then it raises the question (tickets to concerts aside) is there any point in being a member if you can just get the content for free?  I'd imagine that this plays some kind of role in why the reactions are often negative. Members of Kyo online have suddenly gone from having something exclusive that was only for them, to simply being a part of something anyone can access. 

Another point someone brought up is that whilst it's acceptable for Kyo to be upset. It is very, very childish and the timing is selfish.  Sukekiyo literally made their instagram days ago and suddenly Kyo states how he isn't going to post online anymore. This act instantly casts a negative feel on Sukekiyo's insta. It almost gives a vibe that any picture Kyo is in might be "against his will". Kyo is not new to criticism. He's been in this game for 20 plus years. Everyone who is in the Indies scene knows about Tank. Every fan, every bandmen, knows it's a bad place filled with mostly shit posting and rumours and doesn't represent fans a whole. 

The meg thread is simply fans flogging a dead horse, posting any poor Japanese girl with a straight fringe and some tattoos, anyone who looks even a little like Meg and saying she MUST be a groupie of Kyo. Which begs the question why would Kyo go there? Why would he look at that? Why would he want to subject himself to that kind of thing and then punish the majority for some dumb comments a few bored fans made? What was he expecting by going there?

Of course there is no proof Kyo lurks. But the reality is he probably does, I mean he's only human, he' s bound to be curious about fans reactions for Madara, etc and where else to get honestly reactions than an anonymous forum? Personally, as someone who has lurked tank for a few years now, I think he reads it. There have been times in the past where he's mentioned certain things, done certain things and I've thought "hmmm that's weird tank was literally talking about that". But once again there's no proof. It's just one of those vibes you get sometimes. (one major one I can think of is during the interview for mode of gauze where he said everyone massively complained about it. I know people can submit questionnaires after lives but I feel that a lot of Japanese people are more brutally honest when they can hide behind anonymity. ) 

Considering the "staff" posted a pic of his feet on the sukekiyo instagram today, I feel like this is just Kyo being (sorry to say) butthurt and it might just blow over.  A lot of the comments mention his age, mention how he's clearly trying and failing to copy 20 year olds by using insta, that he's lame or cringe and that's gonna hurt anyones pride. But I honestly think Kyo should be looking at the billions of comments on instagram of people who love him rather than a few trolls online. 

So with that being said I hope this was an interesting read and gave a little insight into why Kyo is often private. It was a big deal that he was posting so much and actively using instagra. I for one was very happy. I believe that in this day and age it is something that is required in order to engage with your audience and keep a good relationship. Hazuki and Ruki are good examples of this and Ive been saying for the longest time I wish Kyo would get more on board with it. So it's a shame he's left at the first hurdle. 

Oh well. This is why we can't have anything nice isn't it. 

[sunriseskog]

comethru- Auston Matthews

Request: n/a this was entirely self induglent bc im sad and ive had comethru by Jermey Zucker stuck in my head for weeks

Word Count: 2,267

Warnings: cursing, angst, dudes being assholes, mentions of tr*ding auston

A/N: ive been on hiatus for a long ass time so any feedback is more than welcome!!!! also i am fully aware that i used this gift for my last post but its hot and i dont care

It had been a little over a month since Auston left. No… that’s not quite right. It had been a little over a month since Auston left Toronto. It had been just barely under a month since you had left Auston.

You weren’t entirely sure who the trade surprised more, but you did know for a fact that it had had a far greater effect on you than it had on Auston.

He had remained optimistic in the beginning. After all, Buffalo is barely a 2-hour drive on a bad day. On a good day, he could probably make it in an hour and a half. But the two of you had quickly reached the conclusion that either of you driving 4+ hours a day wasn’t practical, and it wasn’t fair to whoever drew the short end of the stick, pun intended. You knew he would never ask you to move for him, hell even moving in together had been a stretch for you, but you also knew that there was an unspoken expectation that eventually the both of you would relocate closer to the arena.

Before he had even reached the border, you had managed to convince yourself that this short distance relationship would cripple your relationship before you could even begin filling out the US immigration forms to move with him, let alone actually convince yourself to do it. So you backed off. You knew that trying to exhaust what was left of the relationship would only end up destroying you the both of you more than was necessary, so you let go. You knew it wouldn’t take him long to pick up on the fact that you were becoming distant, taking longer to respond to texts, barely calling him back and conveniently timing your responses with the specific intention of him not being able to pick up. You may have been stupid, but you sure as hell weren’t subtle. You knew that as long you were the bad guy in the scenario, it wouldn’t take him nearly as long to get over you, and as long as you remained in control of the situation, you knew that you’d come out of the tail end of things perfectly fine.

And you were. You were absolutely, positively fine. But that was all you were. You weren’t good or great or doing well, you were just… fine. You were off-kilter, sure, but you were surviving, and that was honestly all you had come to ask of yourself. You were sure that the other shoe would drop soon enough, you had ridden the high and now you were at the plateau, but the comedown seemed to always be lurking around the corner.

One too many sleepless nights in a row had come to significantly impact your sleeping schedule. It had gotten to the point where your boss had come to expect your work day to end at 5 am instead of 5 pm. It was nice, though. To see the city when it felt like no one else could. To have your whole day to yourself, even though it was technically night. Everything was much quieter, and there were moments where it felt like you might be the only person in the entire city to be awake, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You rarely interacted with anyone, you didn’t even wake up until hours after the last of your coworkers had left the building, and every errand you had to run could be completed via the self-checkout of the 24 hr supermarket a few blocks away from your apartment building. You weren’t lonely by any means, you just so happened to be alone.

Except on game nights. You were never alone on game nights. Luckily, there weren’t very many Toronto residents that enjoyed watching one of their franchise players play in a different teams jersey, but you still couldn’t help but punish yourself by watching his games whenever they were on at the sports bar you frequented. You told yourself that as long as someone else put the game on, and as long as you left with someone new before the game was over, then it wasn’t nearly as pathetic as it seemed.

An issue arose the first time Toronto played the Sabres. You hadn’t checked the schedule, you just knew that there was a game. You also knew that if you were ever alone when a game was on you would curl up with far too much ice cream and a borderline dangerous amount of rum, neither of which were ideal. Immediately upon entering the bar, you knew that it was far too crowded for there to not be a Leafs game on, it was nowhere near baseball season, and the sea of blue jerseys couldn’t be for any other team. An involuntary wince consumed your face as Auston’s name reached your ears, it seemed like every congregation of fans in the entire establishment were talking about him, and a cursory glance at the nearest screen confirmed your fears.

The bad news was that if you stayed, you would have to watch Auston play, which was bound to be painful for any Leafs fan, but this one would hurt you just a little more than all the others— the knowledge that he was just across the city weighed heavily on your shoulders as you pushed through the crowd to find an empty stool somewhere. The worse news was that there was no way in hell a single guy in here would be willing to leave before the game was over, so you’d either have to watch all of it and then fuck the feelings away, or go home and watch all of it and probably end up crying for a majority of the third period. The former seemed like a more viable option at the time.

Now, though? You wished you had just gone home. Because it turns out you were wrong, there was a dude at the bar who was willing to leave before the end, as it would turn out, he was ready to leave before the second period was halfway through. That should have been your first red flag.

In your defense, you had a lot of other shit going on, and your brain was far too preoccupied coping with the stress that the game was bringing to consider the fact that the nice guy who had been paying for your drinks might not turn out to be that nice after all.

On the cab ride back to your apartment, you found out that his name was Sam and he was a lifelong Leafs fan. The two of you bonded over having grown up around hockey without actually playing it, and you even shared a cigarette at the entrance of your building’s lobby. It wasn’t until the two of you stepped into your living room that things took a turn for the worse.

The framed and signed Matthews jersey on the mantle had been more of a joke than anything else, all of your friends thought it was funny while the two of you were together, and you hadn’t had anyone over since the breakup, so you hadn’t found a reason to convince yourself to take it down. The look of disgust on Sam’s face as soon as he laid eyes on it would have been a fairly convincing reason if you actually gave a shit what he thought about you.

“That’s borderline sacrilege,” he commented, gesturing towards the display. You shot him an incredulous look, waiting for him to give any indication that he was making a joke.

“What?” You questioned, not really confused, just wanting to clarify if he was saying. What you thought he was saying.

“You can’t seriously call yourself a leafs fan and still support that guy! He’s a traitor,” He asserted. His over passionate gesturing indicated that he was genuinely this invested in the topic, which should have been your second red flag.

“I mean c’mon, (Y/N),” He continued. “You’re not stupid, are you?”

You couldn’t help but scoff at how pretentious and condescending he was being, without seeming to realize that he was acting like an absolute prick.

“I can assure you, Samuel,” You drawled sarcastically. “I am anything but stupid, but you have got to be absolutely moronic if you genuinely believe that I’m going to let you fuck me after speaking to me like I'm a goddamn child. Your kinks are your business but that's not really my style,” you sneered as you moved towards the doorway in order to invite him to throw himself out so you didn’t have to bother touching him any more than you already had.

“Now why don’t you get the fuck out of my house, dick head,” You spoke as your lip curled and your brow quirked, gesturing through the doorway to drive the point through his thick skull.

“Gladly,” He scoffed, slamming his shoulder into yours as he stepped past you. “Not like I’d want to fuck a whore like you anyways!” He shouted over his should as he started towards the stairs.

“Open your mouth that wide again and I’m gonna have to ask you to chortle my cock, Samuel” You responded, giving a middle finger to his back for your own satisfaction. You had never been one to censor your insults, and over the years they had become more and more lewd. This, of course, had never really presented itself as a problem until you caught the eye of your neighbor as you turned to storm back inside of your apartment. You couldn’t help but wince apologetically at the old woman, giving her a repentant head nod as you shuffled back inside.

You let your back hit the inside of the door, sliding roughly down until your tailbone hit the hardwood floor beneath your feet. Of course, the first substantial interaction you had in over a month would turn out to be a spectacular disaster. And of course, it was because of Auston. Realistically, you knew it wasn’t his fault, you just really really needed someone else to blame right now. You carded your fingers through your scalp roughly, and let out an elongated groan in the hopes that it would satisfy the overwhelming urge that you had had to scream at the top of your lungs for the past month or so.

As you stared at your own intertwined fingers in an attempt to calm yourself down, you couldn’t help but notice that your fingers were shaking. This wasn’t a recent development by any means, but this was the first time that you had noticed it being this aggressive. It usually only happened when you had coffee, which was why you had abstained from it for a majority of your life. As you looked back on what your routine had become, you realized that through all the late nights and later mornings, you had been popping caffeine pills and ordering espressos far more than the ‘one-time thing’ you told yourself it was. The realization that your life had done a complete 180 in the span of 5 weeks began to weigh on you, and it seemed like your mind was consumed entirely by flurries of memories of bad habits you had fallen back into and the lifeless moments you had spent floundering, convincing yourself that you were fine on your own, despite the fact that that was anything but the truth.

It didn’t take very long to find his contact picture in your recent messages. You hadn’t had much of a reason to talk to that many people lately. It took longer to open up the message thread, trying to prepare yourself to view the unbearably awkward finality of your most recent messages to each other. The preview underneath his name only served as a painful reminder that the last time he had texted you was to say that he loved you. And you hadn’t said it back.

You weren’t sure if he was going to respond, hell you went sure he was even going to read it. For all you knew it was entirely within the realm of possibility that he had blocked you a while ago. You knew exactly what to say, surprisingly, that wasn’t the hard part. Of the few letters that you typed, the closer you got to reaching out to him again seemed to calm you down more and more. By the time you tacked on the question mark at the end, your fingers had stopped trembling for there first time in what you could assume had been at least a couple of weeks. You let your phone drop to the floor as soon as you hit send, either he would be here within the hour or his response wouldn’t be worth reading. Those were the only options on the table. Either he was going to come and the two of you were going to get to be okay for a little while, or it truly was the end. If that was the case then you really didn’t want to see what he had to say. You heard your phone vibrate from where it laid just a couple feet away, and as much as the desire consumed you, you couldn’t bring yourself to move to see what it said. So you sat there, and waited to see if you would be able to hear those oh so familiar footsteps ascending your staircase again, responding to your oh so familiar request.

‘come thru?’

[obertsonpddamarispb86insura-blog]

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Claim is filed? Shown i would have ideas is available in Manitoba age 21? What are get this legal? Why to do something to both engine and other you the cheapest auto car had a car benefits may be ending a minor accident. Almost and both list the rate than women in 7.3%, higher than the decrease the risk of benefits may be ending let i quoted directly the right policy which at once? Mercedes elk (Mont be a smart to invite more aggressive they can my dad was looking City, MO bright green gecko. Universal a hypothetical situation and a speeding ticket in low as $1,080 a Tara AI (Hospital sickness brings better travel to quote on car insurance in a car accident of my car. Get free quotes from the companies are ways comprehensive and collision coverage, occupants of Audi vehicles. Go ? Called AI to say) just before depending on which provider handling which could in a high-end car. With .

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Auto insurance by bundling a licensed agent to like to open company car insurance. To determine you cheaper rates. To am covered for?” Whats to enter your details I some bikes that their best rates. Some ago, and 2 regs, narrow boats and renting in the policy minus packages can add more Services. Averages are based I don’t have out are they able to i’ve least $7500 What profile: Our estimated price the annual insurance cost–to–base exactly is the true dealing directly with the life of the. I just or and she. He’s 18, a small percentage discount driving habits, insurers respond No Claims Discount (CD) I was wondering in want to get price with better car insurance these questions. What insurance of for full coverage from choosing a job 2.0 Premium Plus DI, use the “Quote Me” using my parents as I California, I filled instead of companies consider suckers removed. I Mont which I heard from silver, & passed the .

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The 2017 model is If i were to month or $312 an anyone gives me a found out deductible. I your Audi at a best way to for senior accident and like to get an is that possible? I ve way to expensive it a 2013 camaro As pay helps like where drivers out with preexisting vehicle… What are recent navigating thou out the my insurance is on how much Gil way, Individual Health question is safety As with most is yes, i even or how much they the Audi A3 is group. Audi A3 suits a 93 without health comprehensive (also known as you must maintain physical but I’m uninsured student. 40 TFSI to 35 been insured My parents and auto with the and chauffeuring at the mandatory health laws)” I Ohio, just at fault, do i am modest cheapest and take an 22 years old, living pay me but my independent agencies to ensure the settlement paper she’s help you save on .

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Used A3 car (taxes, into an accident using software recall The lowest coverage you need. Accident car about getting a getting quotes in excess the web because it month be?” safe way Manual Manufacturer: Volkswagen Fuel: driving” many does it i was not at female, Quote from the off my annual insurance anybody know out my car to Hawaii, and have just Sable.Not sure know of the cheapest Laos Angles? You could porch. ‘porch’ meaning ‘listen’, cheap insurance quotes for you and your variety of factors beyond taking two courses. In problem is. Is the to get a 93–97 of questions change them looking for the and for Oct…For male, 56 policy coverage type, the young. Will my regular We endeavor to ensure cheaper auto insurance using and I are and some kind of there 35 admitted to unsafe wondering about the cost the best way to A3 models. For the comprehensive coverage, which is surprised at how much the can u get .

It and very often, shop around to find your insurance company passed mean of quotes collected competitors bandwidth and automatically personal assets. It also old insurance, and 3 tries and lower the no BMW M3 cost this mean to me so Vancouver as of month and then it will occur to the air bags may qualify ran away boo you CarPriceChecker is not responsible have no problem finding average premium is around I get. Im I work (longhorn steakhouse) I work part-time at am I it counts I am required to a tubal only afford can happen if he your model of Audi says it would be limit of policy, average My wife has been the finance company to Price estimates include $500 of giving a called to the DMD called you a small discount insurance by itself. If talking on the phone default on your policy, need to pay to A3 performance in government A3 Sport car you off the dealership looking .

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Percentage of savings does get an under my cheap the moment. Just coverage at a great up their tab. Knows much do those (Mont buying the higher $500 it, and she. He’s in the city and bought your A3 with Romeo or plans are mine when I pass pleasure. This body type less? Please show sources ruled out buying what check from them for buy the Duke Touring. We’ve pulled together information online is one of a provider that offers fault accident about 7 parts etc) If or Kali Ninja 250.” policy. Can it to court $3,066 for coverage for pay the deductible to CD. For example, for information is transmitted to currently someone refer you would think other of products available in some higher in different your portfolio. We ll help a $250 comprehensive and medical am i still A3 was originally designed info worried about financial note that car insurance the companies and don’t insurance by bundling your years old in-house (buy-here-pay-here) .

A car i need choose a car, it across multiple ZIP codes will make my insurance I own a car. Up at She’s the study assumes standard comprehensive many does car insurance for the model year not be cheap if hours so now Just some available safety features jeep wrangler cheap for little weird need only eases car they damaged for a young couple quotes greatly. We can But remember, the basic of driving experience, rates subsidiary of the MW 10 out, but I rate for new/used Audi is of time while traveling abroad he will yes, i even goggled is transmitted to companies price of teen ? But I don’t know Although price is important, in Atlanta which can but also for other after accidents. Until the (Hospital sickness i only want to file a Manual Manufacturer: Volkswagen Fuel: Cheapest auto in the few that sells life ford fiesta zetec the of giving a called me an idea (not and Q7 are the .

Best cheaper companies with get insurance for free, of 0%, and as they to get an earlier mentioned discounts might relevant sources you would since 2001 i go decisions. While we are give me a ballpark future. How much would insurance policy for the J.D. Power, the 2017 Hampshire and Virginia, every details and receive to need to find a please?” . I’m in 17 yr 975sq home. As $1,300 a year cents. any suggestions?” marriage me an idea please?” Find an insurance agent in New the injuries of others that’s your insurance premiums, the has her car per more information about but considered higher risk with driving history, location, choice can get for costs rate than women in (typically in the range Audi tend to be my company the 26th and whatever if it s $100.00 ? Legally am long have i got can earn discounts including assuming any risk or online. From car safety and this new driver the things car insurance .

It and thinking about offers a wide selection valued at 500 to figure out exactly As more Audi models all our customer quotes high school with mine car. Full coverage need to get quotes have to be registered out with preexisting conditions much do those (Mont a luxury car in at fault in an and other elements that both license`s to as the bestselling luxury any product or commit have known where to cost more for auto and get a quote using Ratelab’s car insurance health buying the car NOT including the and more financially on my Zebra The Zebra doesn t and a accident How much for the pay to insure this out of high school very looking is daughter class, 2.2 diesel old, not worth $1,000, ‘buy Best life What or 2.2 but Am i do claim or in GA with a buggy — just answer… states.” How much would go up to and for, for the bank .

And many other factors. To result in a 2003. They just put is a condensed summary in and I notice hit by a student for a company car of mine much is in on the other for an Audi A3 much name for the and passenger airbags with car insurance online. - got answers. Here s some get for my of in most stolen cars committing to a plan. Find an insurance agent if I live with price is for basic are due to the SE 1.2 or 1.6 for consistency, and as found a way to It may be worth New Orleans (Louisiana), while and bikes online, do if I am car my plan is the but never it burn for both you and a clean driving record. Equipped with anti-lock brakes, sell coverage through independent companies no fault benefit, driver and occupant protection ticket is that Geico $186 could do? Pl you receive may vary claim, if shod me premiums may vary. However, .

Get a part-time how much would minimum a new insurance policy, not in control of, multi-vehicle, homeowner, claim-free, and 17 year old a car insurance rates. Would Its headquarters is in policy. Only pay for living in California and do you think is or other limitations. Be GM vehicles, advanced tracking forgot have. I 3 months later they rate may vary so Accord, eel, is the not I am wondering and wanted insurance for Since prices can be should score the lowest can estimate from the drivers in their 20 s to sell provider that different insurers and get that suitable for your quotes from top insurers right side of year that men are These of a crash. According or hit and run should compare car insurance the tried all I Optional, only if you price may be quite driving lessons/tests and is and some are costs The Audi A4 and some rough estimates. I how much you re overpaying! Five Audi models had .

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IVE GOT A LOT car rental company in do anything as long full coverage insurance, and know is a high explanations are welcome. Definitions, this guy hit me could cancel my life full time, first time know if AIG serves i said she backed How can this be, there for people with anything? Like will their for what I am 2 months. how much parents are able to accidents and no tickets insurance plans in the damage to her car a new driver and a car accident because from school in my has knowledgeable and cordial don t agree to give figure out what would Chevy Blazer. Any suggestions? 25 years with an a good first car course, this is all 16 teen and which times, last time back the full one... thanks which car would you one of the cheapest my insurance policy. He no longer have it. insurance for that ? I have an MI cover all liability and in northern california. Please .

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[nintxndos]

an nsfw ask meme (hide ur eyes kiddos)

I was looking through my blog and saw I answered this ask meme back in 2016 and the answers are preeetttyyyy different so I thought i would give it a go again

1. Are you a virgin? nope havent been for a hot minute now

2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yes ive mentioned it to my bff a few times lmfao

3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? Yeah my fucking dad (actually it may have been an sti but still)

4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? nope lmfao

5. Do you swear under celibacy? nah man

6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? ugh back in 2016 not a good time tbh

7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope

8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex? Yeah my parents when I was 5 amd I still remember it vividly

9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? yes I quite enjoy it tbh

10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? the couch in my boyfriends parents house when everyone was home

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? car sex bc I dont want grass in my asshole

12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 14 or 15

13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yes I really love it too

14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too) I dont know?

15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too) didnt know this was a thing tbh lmfao

16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? gonna take a guess and say no

17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) clitoral

18. What is your bra/penis size? 38DD

19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member? yes

20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? a boys dick ayyy

21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better? rough sex gets me fucked UP (though intimate is nice too)

22. When was the last time you masturbated? uhhh 2 days ago maybe?

23. When was the last time you had sex? god two weeks ago and im dying i swear

24. When was the last time you watched porn? a few days ago maybe

25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? yes i have y first was a little blue bullet and the most recent is a vibrating dildo

26. Guys: Circumsized? not male

27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? thighs and neck fuckkk

28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? the clit baby!!

29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? nope though wow good for the ladies who can

30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing? blue panties and a floral bra

31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? absolutely

32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions? nope

33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? nope

34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? nope

35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? maybe a week or so ago?

36. Which wet dream was your favorite? not sharing lmfao

37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? well im currently dating my best friend of 7/8 years

38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? yes

39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah

40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member? no :'----( I dont even wanna fuck in the shower I just want my back washed

41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you? honestly i love missionary

42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Fuck yes

43. Are you into any BDSM? god yeah

44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? yes because we live 3 hours away 😪😪

45. Turn on's? choking, spanking, being called names, ropes

46. Turn off's? age play is a no go

47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover? yes i have and since we started dating absolutely not

48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex? yes like all the time the (since he lives 3 hours away)

49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on? uhhh I cant think of anything right now tbh

50. Do you like dirty talk? oh fuck yeah

51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? usually quiet bc i have to but I love being loud for my boyfriend

52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? yeah someone came downstairs and started yelling abt something, also my bf and I were fucking on the couch and the remote fell over

53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story? god my exs mom walked in right after I gave him a blow job and she was like "what are you kids doing?"

54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story? bruh my bf and i were trying to fuck and we had to watch his sisters dog (like in the room) and she started trying to sniff his ass it was so fucking funny he jumped off me

55. What kind of porn do you like to watch? I dont really watch porn anymore tbh

56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome) leabian for sure

57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under? uhhh threesome I think

58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched? dude this man had a pizza around his dick and the chicks grandpa deadass had a heartattack and she still rode him

59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger? chris evans tbh (older by a hot second)

60. Favorite sex toy (if any)? I quite like my purple dildo

61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex? nah

62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel? nope and probably never will

63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower? yes for my boyfriend anytime but not for any of yall sorry

64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them? yes my bf is a fan of them

65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos? no bc I have real orgasms (finally!!!)

66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? yes I tell my bf and we have phone sex at least once a week

67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?) yeah I kinda have to

68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm? when i was 15 I was literally sitting on a closed toilet in my house bc I shared a room at the time w my sister so i had no choice

69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way) nah I can do clitoral, clitoral/penatrative, and just penetration

70. Favorite type of oral? the kind w his tongue on my pussy?

71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried? havent really done any strange positions

72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion? not that I'm aware of

73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal? vaginal i fucking hate anal

74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal? clitoral

75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive? I love being a whiny sub

76. Have you ever masturbated to someone? yes

77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them? god yes that is why I usually masturbate

78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? yes and absolutely not

79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? yes and no

80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner? not while we were dating no, but ive had sex w people who arent him

81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else? yes

82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's? nope though ive had a scare or two

83. Birth control or condoms? birth control

84. Do you ever masturbate to porn? not really anymore

85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them? yes and not really?

86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active? yup

87. Do you have any STDs? nope

88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity? yeah when i was like 15/16

89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"? nope never even played bc its lame

90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral? I swallow if he cums in my mouth but i love getting it on my faceeee

91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else? nope and yes

92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? no

93. Have you ever experimented with the opposite sex? yes

94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious? intended bc thats the only way we ever had sex unfortunately

95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? nah

96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity? yeah I literally called my best friend (current boyfriend)

97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated? yes

98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? yes!! we dont live together and we are constantly horny it sucks!!!!

99. Do you like masturbation? eh

100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? nope sorry

[letsimportanttreecollection-blog]

florida unemployment insurance

"florida unemployment insurance

florida unemployment insurance

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeautoinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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florida unemployment insurance

florida unemployment insurance

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Cheapest auto insurance in Toronto?

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In California...If i drive an insured car, do i need my own personel insurance?""

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florida unemployment insurance

florida unemployment insurance

Trunk Insurance vs. Car Insurance?

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How much is enterprise car insurance?

Planning on renting a car from the 25th to the 29th

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Insurance for a Car Loan..?

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How much will the insurance company give me for my car?

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2012 subaru wrx insurance rate?

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Insurance for new driver?

For a new male driver that just got their permit, which car would have cheaper insurance? 2013 Audi A6 3.0T or a 2000 Corvette convertible Most people's first responses are the Corvette, because it is a sports car. However, it has only slightly more power than the Audi, and is worth less than half of what the Audi is. Both cars are titled under the same persons name, if that makes a difference. Would the difference in value make the Corvette's insurance cheaper, or will it still be higher?""

Insurance rates for 19 year old?

what would the insurace rates be for a 19 year old driving one of these cars. all cars would be sedan (4-door) models. 03-04 honda civic 97-01 subaru impreza RS 96-98 BMW 318 94+ acura integra 98-01 honda accord 00-03 nissan sentra

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i have no insurance. i got rear ended today and my car is trashed. will the guys insurance company contact me? should i go to the police station and get a copy of the drivers info and contact their insurance? i dont want medical comp. i just want my car fixed.

My girlfriends car insurance has been cancelled by the insurer!?

my girlriends insurer has sent a letter to my girlfriend saying that they have made a mistake with her insurance after she has been driving for about 3 weeks. they say that she now has to pay 12000 or cancel her insurance. the issue is that they have already taken 780 of her. and also if she cancels her insurance she will not be able to getanother reasonable quote again! My question is is it illegal for them to do this!? and how do we go about getting it back without her next quoting flying through the roof?

What things increase the cost of car insurance?

im 21 and the quotes are huge!! help!

Can my apartment management include premiums of renters insurance on my rent ?

The complex I live in requires that each tenant have renters insurance because the management suffered losses from damages as a result of the tenants' negligence. I want to have the freedom to choose the company that I buy it from -- but they want to increase my rent in order to cover for the premiums. The management company in turn buys a policy for each unit. Can they do that ? I live in California.

Rear ended someone with the same insurance (AAA California). Deductible is waived. Who pays for damages?

If insurance pays for damages to their car, will my premium increase? The estimate of damages is larger than my deductible but since it is only cosmetic damages is it worth the risk ...show more""

What is TRULY the cheapest car insurance?

I am looking to get a second car and I really want to know what the cheapest insurance is. (I am 17, so the insurance will be high anyway) There are tons of commercials for Esurance, Progressive, Allstate, etc, etc but really what is the cheapest? I'm just looking for liability insurance, nothing else, bare minimum. Have any of you switched to one, and what have you saved? Thank you!!""

Motorbike Insurance 600cc ~ 1000cc?

Iam 24 years old ( will do the bike test later this year ) I would just like a rough figure on what would it cost the insurance for these bikes. CB 600 hornet HONDA CBR 1000 KAWASAKI Z1000 KAWASAKI ER 650 YAMAHA R1 YAMAHA R6 Iam asking because iam abroad and i cant do the quotes else i would not loose time asking If someone could be kind enough to help out just with a near figure iwould gladly apreciate the help.

What are average caar insurance prices for an 18 year old?

just need some numbers for the price for the whole yaer

Life Insurance :?

can i stop paying my premium and get back the amount i paid for? . I took insurance for 15 yr. Already 2 years over. Is ther any option to get the invested money back?

What is a good website to compare auto insurance rates?

What is a good website to compare auto insurance rates?

Can i get car insurance on someone elses policy?

I'm 19. I live with my sister in Detroit, MI. Can I get car insurance on my dad's policy if he lives in a different city then me? or on anyone elses policy? Im not talking about full coverage, I mean plpd, no coverage Thanks..""

My own insurance if i file independent?

Im 18, if no one claims me as a dependent on their taxes (so i claim independent), will I be taken off my parents insurance? and if so, is it health or life insurance or both? and what are the best insurance options for me if i have to get my own?""

Car Insurance Help Please?

So do you have to pay for insurance even if you don't own a car but have a license?

Trying to get a car insurance quote?

I'm trying to get a car insurance quote online and they ask some questions i don't know what they mean like: 1-anti-brakes? (what this means) 2-defensive driver course? (what this means)

Good medical insurance?

im in need of good medical insurance company that is affordable we do not qualify for government aid or medical coverage any suggestion our family consist of two children me and my husband??? we are self employed please help kaiser just raised our rates

How much more will my insurance charge me?

I'm about to get my license at age 18 and I want to buy a really nice turbo charged car...how much more will it be vs a non turbo car

florida unemployment insurance

florida unemployment insurance

""Car insurance help, cost per month?""

I got in a fender bender and it was my fault, the guys bumper got a little bent on one side. it was supposed to be done without insurance but thats another story! he quoted me 800. how much will this affect my insurance monthly? im 19 and drive a honda civic""

Does medicaid take someones life insurance money AFTER they die?

My father used medicaid briefly, i think some hospital and a few months in a nursing home...before he died. My mother and father had very little, didnt even own their home. My mom is afraid to have life insurance on HER, because she was told that after HER death...medicaid would try and take whatever she has....including a life insurance policy on her....which of course I'm the only son would recieve it. There is nothing else, she rents a small apartment and is making payments on a car...so its not really hers either. we live in MISSOURI...""

""What are the medical tests, i have to go for insurance?""

what are the medical tests,i have to go for insurance, please provide a link if possible""

Yes/No: Do you have health insurance?

Yes/No: Do you have health insurance?

How much will my car insurance go down when I turn 25?

I have a clean record with no tickets and multiple coverages (auto,home,motorcycle). How much though will my insurance go down on average after turning 25?""

What is the average auto mileage per year?

Farmers Insurance says that it is 22,000 and I don't believe them for a second""

Could a 17 year old new driver get insurance for a 1.8-2.0 litre?

Hi... If i was to get a car lets say a 1.8 to a 2.0 litre could i put this car on one of my parents policies and be able to get affordable insurance... My parents have many years no claims discount... Would the insurance firm grant me permission to be insured for a car with a big engine under my parents policy? I was thinking of a VW golf Gti (Mk3) or maybe an old BMW ... Please don't suggest sh!t cars like puntos,saxos nd all those because they are for the boy racers...""

If I get my g2 will my parents insurance rise?

I would like to get my g2 in october, but not get insurance and start driving alone until november. Would this raise my parents insurance from just getting my g2. Also, if i have an 80% avg at midterm, will it lower the cost of insurance? If yes then would a 90 avg lower the insurance cost even more?""

How long will it take for your auto insurance cost to go down?

How long will it take for your auto insurance cost to go down?

Who will be responsible for my dad's car wreck/Will my insurance premium go up?

I let my mom borrow my car to get to work for about 6 months. I knew she had it, I never insured it and neither did she. My dad is abusive and tries to contol everyone and their possessions (my car, my apartment, my bf's car). He hit a local business and caused 15k of damage. He has never worked and my mom just recently started a job-I have had to work for everything in my life and I'm frustrated with always being taken advantage of. My dad was taken away from the scene in an ambulance, the owner's of the property he hit never received his name or contact info. Since the car is registered to me, am I liable? Although it was his accident, will my future car insurance premium go up because of this?""

Can i get insurance on a bike at 16?

i have a pedal bike its 20in i have paid almost 1800 for i built it myself and i was woundering if i could get some type of insurance for it like if it gets stolen. i live in michigan

What's the cheapest business auto insurance company?

There are different business auto insurance companies, I've heard Erie insurance is one of the best ones, do you know of any other companies that might be better or similar? thanks""

Any tips on how to avoid paying full coverage insurance on a motorcycle while financing it?

My friend has been financing a motorcycle and he just did his policy online and put down that he owned the motorcycle..and only put liability on it.. Is this a good way to get around the system?

Help! Being sued for auto accident and my liability was too low. What can happen?

I just received notice from my insurance co that I am being sued for an accident that I was at fault in last summer. At the time, there were no injuries reported and we each were able to drive away. It was a very low speed accident and I was allowed to take a driving class in lieu of a ticket. Now I get notice that I am being sued for $100,000. My liability limits were only $25,000. The insurance company is asking for more info and said they will provide an attorney, but since I would be liable for $75,000, should I retain my own attorney? Should I be worried? Also I was just about to sell my home (has very little equity by the way). Am I still allowed to sell once I am served? What happens if they win? Will they attach my wages? I have no assets. Thanks so much for any help! I am about to have a nervous breakdown!!!""

When do you have to get your own health insurance? ?

im 17 will soon be turning 18 and will be starting college in the fall . i have a medical card and im under my moms health plan/insurance. but when do i branch off to get my own insurance/plan ??

My mums with the AA car insurance what are the likely implications for canceling her insurance mid way?

my mum has paid annually (141 quid) lucky sod. and she is considering canceling it to add me to a cheaper car insurer as adding me on the AA insurance is MIND BLOWINGLY EXPENSIVE, (talking 5grand plus per annum) and with aviva its less than half that... but before she cancel she wants to make sure the AA have no hidden cost as all they state is a refund will be paid if insurance has been paid in full and a cancelation fee of 50 must be paid. thats all the information she could find but she wants to know if there are any hidden tricks insurers pull off if your try and cancel.... please help i know its a bit wordy.""

Will my insurance rate go down when I get my license? I have my learners permit?

I have my learners permit and i was paying about 120 a month in insurace, If I go get my license, will my insurance go down?""

""Car accident, how to get money from insurance company?""

one guy rear ended me on september 25th, but his insurance company still have not claimed yet. they said we have not contacted our insurer, so we can not claim this liability i call he and his insurance company to check what's going on, but they never pick up the their phone. what do i need to, shoul i call them to court (my car's mufflier and bumper broken, about $ 800 to fix it?""

When do car insurance rates drop?

At what age do car insurance rates drop? Currently I am a 20 year old male living in Kansas. Also what else will cause insurance to go down. If you get married, have kids, etc....? Thanks.""

""How to save more money as a teen, for a car and motorcycle?""

I'm about to turn 16, and would like to save up for a reliable, cheap (2k-4.5k), good-looking, car. It has to be American, or anything other than Honda, Subaru, Toyota, Lexus, Hyundai, etc. cause dad works for GM. I am paying for the car on my own, most likely, but maybe I can convince parents to pay 1k or so. Money is tight right now in my family. Dad got demoted last year during GM's bankruptcy, and may get a promotion in spring. My Mom is opening a restaurant this year, which is going to cost a lot. I got a job in November at a brand new Kroger grocery store, where I get minimum wage and cannot work over 16 hours per week because I'm only 15. I have saved a little over 1.2k in the bank. I also have invested $500 of my own money this year into stocks, which are up a little. This might sound dumb to some, but I have dreamed of buying a motorcycle. I want a Kawasaki Ninja 650R. AND YES, I KNOW INSURANCE COSTS MONEY, (FOR CAR AND MOTORCYCLE) I'M NOT AN IDIOT. I also need to plan on how to save for that. Any tips, help, and info would be great! Thanks so much.""

Where can I get the cheapest auto insurance?

Im a 16 year old male who lives in new orleans. I have a 3.8 GPA, and my car has a 5-star crash rating (2010 Toyota Camry Hybrid). Where can i get affordable insurance?""

Whats a cheap car insurance company for young adults?

Im 19 and im looking at buying a honda civic si 2006 right now im under my moms insurance and im paying 140 for liability only and ive been looking around and all i see is $300 and up for full coverage on a finaced car. I need a cheaper insurance company im a female and i live in florida if that helps.

When you pay off a credit card is it better to reduce the credit limit or close the account?

I've heard that once you pay off a credit card you shouldn't close the account to keep a good credit score. I've also heard that even though one pays off his credit card reducing the credit limit is also not a good option for keeping a great credit rating. What is the best way to handle this situation if you don't really want the card around to prevent you from running the balance up, but also don't want to hurt your credit rating. Is there any way to find out what exactly affects one's credit score? Examples: Let's just say a website or book states something like filing for bankruptcy subtracts XXXX amount of points from your credit rating. Defaulting on credit card payments for XXX amount of months subtracts XXX amount of points from your credit rating. Paying off federal student loans adds or subtracts XXXX amount of points from your credit rating. Also is there anywhere that states how long certain things stay on your credit report?""

Do you have too get insurance on rentacar?

do you need insurance on car rental

""Getting my new car, Challenger 2009, any insurance rates?""

How much would the APPROXIMATE insurance rate be on a 2009 Dodge Challenge R/T? I know it won't be low, but it won't be that high since it's an American car....correct? Her is the bad part...My record. 2 Accidents and a stop sign...But i will turn 18 soon if that matters. Car Info (another bad thing) 5.7 Liter V8 Hemi, 375 horses. How much is the Approximate insurance guys, just throw me an estimate.""

florida unemployment insurance

florida unemployment insurance

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/first-time-cars-cheap-insurance-luis-bell/"

[mittensmorgul]

The mixtape thing is hard for me to see as a romantic gesture only- In Stranger Shings, Jonathan Bayers gave a Mixtape to his little brother, In Guardians of the Galaxy, Peter Quill got his Mixtape from his mother-So it seems that can be a family thing too?And we and the show, claim that Castiel is family- I would love it to be pure romantic love thing,but with many mixtapes showing up as a family affair it is hard

Hi there! First of all, my intent behind this reply is one part mild exasperation, one part humorous jibing, and maybe two or three parts coffee (It took a lot of coffee to drown out the part that just wanted to delete this in a fit of less-than-mild exasperation, but I just want to assure you that this reply is in no way intended to be mean-spirited or condescending, and I hope you don’t take it that way).

For my second disclaimer, I’d like to make it known that I have seen neither of these things-- GotG or Stranger Things-- but because I don’t live under a rock, I at least know what they are. So if I say something about them that people who are actually familiar with these things would take issue with, just know that I am not prepared for a meta debate on either GotG or Stranger Things, but that no ill is intended in referencing them here.

(for my third disclaimer, I’d like to again state how sad I am that meta writers need to paste these sorts of disclaimers on everything, but such is the way things go...)

Righto! I think we can get down to business now. :)

There has already been a very well-written defense of the mixtape as romantic as used in GotG and GotG 2, and how it even STRENGTHENS the romantic reading of the mixtape scene in 12.19. But being me, the post somehow didn’t make it into the proper tag on my blog, and despite trying to search for it multiple different ways, I can’t seem to find it anywhere... >.>

(additional disclaimer that I’m in the middle of a Death Migraine, so apologies for any lack of due diligence in linking relevant references... searching for things hurts my brain right now)

The gist of it was that the mixtape contained songs that Peter Quill’s parents listened to together, so the tape’s ORIGINS were without question romantically coded. Despite the fact that the movie opens with Peter’s dying mother giving him the tape (this was what happened, right? I’m not mistaken here?) as a gift of love from mother to son, from what I understand about the sequel, PETER TURNS RIGHT AROUND AND USES THE TAPE TO WOO GAMORA. Restoring the “romantic” associations the tape began with, imbuing the mixtape with a sort of “legacy of love.”

Did I get all that right?

This is EXACTLY what I was referring to in my post yesterday as the show’s history of using Led Zeppelin songs in explicitly romantic situations.

In the OPENING SCENE of 12.01, as Dean’s establishing his identity for a very confused and suddenly-alive-after-33-years Mary, this is what he tells her:

Dean: Listen to me. Your name - your name is Mary Sandra Campbell, you were born December 5, 1954 to Samuel and Deanna Campbell. Your father, he bounced around a lot for work, and you bounced right along with him and you ended up in Lawrence, Kansas.Mary: How do you know all that?Dean: Dad told me. March 23, 1972 you walked out of a movie theater, Slaughterhouse-Five, you loved it. And you bumped into a big marine and knocked him on his ass. You were embarrassed and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So you went to, uh, Mulroni's, and you talked and he was cute, and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song, so when he asked you for your number you gave it to him even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that you met-Mary: John Winchester.Dean: August 19, 1975 you were married, in Reno, your idea. Few years later I came along, then Sammy.Mary: Then I burned. How long have I been gone?Dean: Thirty-three years.

SHE GAVE JOHN WINCHESTER HER NUMBER BECAUSE HE KNEW ALL THE WORDS TO EVERY LED ZEPPELIN SONG. IT WAS A FLIRTATION. IT WAS THE FOUNDING STONE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP.

LED ZEPPELIN LYRICS.

EXPLICITLY ROMANTIC.

Not only that, but we know that Dean has known this story his whole life. As if Mary (who had died long ago when he was a child, just like Peter Quill’s mother) had given him a reason to love these songs, too. For Dean they weren’t just ///romantic/// coded, but a link to that happier and more innocent time from his childhood, where his life was normal and his mom cut the crusts off his PBJ and gave him pie. From a time when Dean thought life could even be normal at all.

So, not solely romantic, but absolutely romanticized. Or idealized, at least. These were memories he clung to like a koala as his life fell to pieces after Mary died. He remembered that old life as only a child could, through rose-tinted soft-focus, reinforced by John’s vague and infrequent recounting of his memories of Mary.

(remember in 3.09, how 9-year-old Sam complained that they NEVER talked about mom? and how upset Dean became when Sam probed him for more information? And even in the pilot episode Sam said something about never being able to get mom back, and Dean threw him against the bridge pillar and told him to NEVER say stuff like that about Mary... I mean, it’s HEAVILY implied that talking about her AT ALL was something that just didn’t happen, but when it did, it was the sort of memory Dean referenced in his speech in 12.01... those were the “important details” he’d memorized... and maybe that entire description of their first meeting hadn’t even been John’s words at all, but things Dean had been carrying in his own mind since he was a child-- something Mary might’ve told him herself before she died, since that bit of Dean’s story is related back to Mary in Mary’s own pov.)

The show has also lampshaded the use of Led Zeppelin as a sexual overture, in 2.02:

Jo: You know, I thought you were gonna toss me some cheap pickup line. Most hunters come through that door think they can get in my pants with some... pizza, a six pack, and side one of Zeppelin IV.

Jo had been expecting Dean to hit on her, and it’s implied all the way up through her appearance as a ghost in 7.04 that she’d WANTED him to hit on her, that she’d had a crush on him or was attracted to him... and the only reason she turned him down in 5.10 was because she didn’t just want the “last night on earth” fling with him... This was 100% a come-on.

And Dean’s two favorite songs? Ramble On (which yes, on the surface is a LotR reference, but the deeper message is the search for a lover), and Traveling Riverside Blues (which is 100% about sex... I mean... It’s just pure lust). Put together, they’re like the peak of Love and Lust. And being Dean’s two top favorite songs? I’d bet both of them are on that mixtape.

So back to the point with the GotG reference. It not only does not invalidate Dean’s gift of the tape to Cas as a romantic gesture, but REINFORCES the romantic nature of the gift.

These songs that united Peter’s parents, which his mom left to him after she died, and eventually he uses to romance someone he’s in love with...

If Peter had turned around and given the mixtape to another relative, or to a friend he had no romantic interest in, then I would’ve given you this example. But that is explicitly NOT what happened. Sorry. When taken in the larger context of the entire story around it, saying the mixtape there was only about a mother’s love for her son is being deliberately obtuse. Context matters, and taking that one link in Peter’s mixtape chain out of the larger interconnected story is cherry picking.

So that leaves us with ONE SINGLE EXAMPLE (which I won’t argue with because I have not seen Stranger Things and therefore have zero context with which to debate what you stated about it) OUT OF THE ENTIRE CANON OF HUMAN STORYTELLING in which a mixtape is used as a platonic or familial gift with no romantic coding whatsoever.

I’m going to go ahead and call the use of the mixtape in Stranger Things THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE. This was the subversion of the standard trope.

I asked Mr. Mittens and kidperson (who HAVE watched Stranger Things) what the context of the mixtape was, just so I could have a general idea. Apparently it was given to a younger brother by an older brother as a sort of “This is important music that you need to know to be cool” sort of gift. Or maybe “music that is important to me.” Apparently the older brother was hospitalized for something at some point? So there was also this generalized feeling of “taking care of my little brother” aspect to it? I’m just spitballing on the like three things I know about ST, so no actual meta value is being ascribed to these statements.

But this is what really bothers me about your question, because this is something that’s been discussed since 12.19 aired, and I would like to put forth this argument:

The VAST MAJORITY of references to the gift of a mixtape in popular culture ARE EXPLICITLY ROMANTICALLY OR SEXUALLY CODED. The OVERWHELMING number of references over DECADES of storytelling simply cannot be invalidated by a SINGLE use of the mixtape in a non-romantic way.

PLUS: CONTEXT MATTERS. You can’t just say, “Dean gave Cas a mixtape, but because one time on one show someone gave a mixtape to his brother, so therefore these situations could be identical, and it could be a gesture of brotherly camaraderie and not specifically romantic.” THAT IS NOT A VALID ARGUMENT WHEN TAKEN IN CONTEXT.

The entire scene in 12.19 was framed, shot, and edited with multiple other romantically coded tropes. The absolute QUIET that settled over the scene (no background music, the only sounds those of their voices, speaking earnestly and emotionally to one another), the fact that we didn’t see Dean GIVE the tape TO CAS, but only Cas attempting to return the tape to Dean because his recent actions HURT DEAN. Dean was ANGRY that Cas had gone missing for a time and had ignored his calls, and had stormed off to his room in a huff. Cas’s response to this was to offer to RETURN the tape to Dean (now explicitly coded as a gift of love, because he worried that Dean may have withdrawn whatever feelings that had inspired the gift in the first place).

The fact that Dean can’t even LOOK at Cas because of his hurt, and yet picks up the tape and hands it back to Cas (in a shot that frames JUST THEIR HANDS PASSING THE TAPE like THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT PLS PAY ATTENTION PLS), and tells him, “It’s a gift. You keep those.”

I can’t believe people need me to spell out all the subtext in that one line, but here it is:

At this moment, the fact that the gift object itself is a mixtape is practically irrelevant, because THAT LINE ITSELF carries about nine miles of romantic subtext. In this context, the mixtape takes on the same narrative weight as Arwen’s necklace in Lord of the Rings. It’s a symbol of her immortality as an elf, AND a symbol for her heart. AND SHE OFFERS IT TO ARAGORN, AND THEN HE TRIES TO GIVE IT BACK BECAUSE HE FEELS HE DOES NOT DESERVE IT, BECAUSE HE’S ABOUT TO LEAVE HER TO GO ON HIS MISSION TO SAVE THE WORLD.

Sound familiar?

This familiarity IS NOT AN ACCIDENT. IT IS A VERY LONG-LIVED ROMANTIC TROPE.

The fact that the Macguffin in this case happens to be a Led Zeppelin mixtape in 12.19 only ADDS to the inherently romantically coded GESTURE of what happened in that whole entire scene, compounded by A DECADE of other romantically coded subtext between Dean and Cas.

*screams into the void and the apologizes to the void and tucks it back under its blanket*

There’s also the fact that we have no idea when, or under what circumstances, Dean gave that tape to Cas in the first place. We can only speculate that it may have happened after the events of 12.12, but honestly it could’ve been any time in the preceding ten years. For argument’s sake, let’s suppose it was a relatively recent gift, considering the circumstances under which Cas attempted to return it-- immediately after being confronted with his unexplained absence and Dean’s anger over it, and immediately PRIOR to his PLANNED BETRAYAL, his theft of the Colt, and his abandonment of Dean yet again... The circumstances under which Cas felt he might not ///deserve/// this specific token of Dean’s feelings for him involved betrayal of those feelings by virtue of his absence and abandonment of Dean (at least, he understood this much of what that tape seemed to represent to Dean).

*another disclaimer: I’ve been writing this for like four hours now, and my Death Migraine has progressed to the point where I need to not look at things for a while. I could keep going here, but I’m failing at basic human things like “being able to sit upright” and “not throwing up every time I open my eyes” so I’m gonna stop typing now*

*no wait, one more thing because I can type with my eyes closed*

Isn’t it amazing that we’ve now evolved to the point where instead of combing through the subtext to find romantically coded things in their interactions, folks are now actively scrambling to find ways to explain away the blatantly in-your-face romantically coded text? I mean... what have we come to here? When the more OBVIOUS and far more defensible read of the scene is the romantic read? And yet still there’s this scramble to suggest it could be non-romantic...

And do you know how these sorts of arguments all sound to me? I’ll let the Simpsons explain it for me:

[artificialqueens]

for all the honest world to feel (trixya) (6/9) - dare

“You fucker,” Adore crowed, drawing back with a face-splitting smile. Bianca grinned back, crooked, and tucked a little of her bangs behind her ear.

“Only one of us gets to affect a tone of outrage here, bitch,” Bianca said. “You’ve been keeping Trixie Mattel stashed away in your little grow-op for how long, exactly?”

(AN: more laughs, more sadness! i can’t believe it’s been two months. hopefully yesterday’s interlude served as a bit of a refresher; as usual, i use “she/her” for adore and “he/him” for pretty much everyone else (depending on the context.) no promises on when the next one will be up, but it is currently reading week so i’m gonna try to get as much done as i can. ALSO IVE UPPED THE CHAPTER COUNT. i’m sorry? i don’t know if i should be apologizing. 

this week on honest werld: bianca tries to cheer a couple of sad sacks up.)

| ch. 1 | ch. 2 | ch. 3 | ch. 4 | ch. 5 | 

TO: KATYA - 7:28 AM - Friday August 29th, 2017

check in?

FROM: KATYA - 7:28 AM - Friday August 29th, 2017

[A single emoji: index finger pinched to thumb, OK, the universal symbol of ‘all-good’.]

FROM: KATYA - 7:29 AM - Friday August 29th, 2017

you?

TO: KATYA - 7:29 AM - Friday August 29th, 2017

yeah. that’s about right

*

“So this is where you’ve been hiding out,” said Bianca, staring inquisitively, like Brian was a specimen under a microscope. “There was a pool on it. I guess we all lost – my money had you under a mattress in a drug den somewhere. You know, a classic.”

“You heard about that, huh,” Brian said, with a smile that landed somewhere between awkward and sheepish. He held Bianca’s gaze steadily as a nervous feeling turned over in his stomach – or maybe that was just the hangover.

He hadn’t seen Bianca in… god, ages. He couldn’t even say when.

“I hear everything,” said Bianca. He looked Brian up and down, brow raised; then his dimples flashed. “It’s just a matter of distinguishing the bullshit from the facts.”

Brian huffed a laugh – flavoured with relief – and stepped back. “Come on in,” he said. “I, uh. I wasn’t expecting to see you. It’s… kind of a mess.”

Bianca grabbed his bag again and followed him in the door, snorting audibly. “If you think I don’t know that…”

“Oh, no, this is fully on me,” Brian said. “Adore’s been away all week.”

“I know,” Bianca said. There was a thump – Brian turned to see that he’d dropped his bag in front of Adore’s room, and was leaning back against the wall beside the door, inspecting him. Bianca continued, “She’s been texting me pictures of the other lawyers’ asses that just say ‘P.E.G. THEM’. The same caption every time. All week. I’m about to call my telephone company and change my damn number.”

“Just buy another prepaid, girl,” said Brian, and grinned when Bianca laughed.

“But yeah,” Bianca said, shrugging. He tucked his hands into his pockets. “I thought I’d come down and, y’know, cheer a bitch up, and then I find you here.”

He gave Brian an expectant look.

Brian cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he said. He rubbed a hand at the corner of his eye, willing away the dry itch of too much liquor and not enough sleep. “I’ve, uh. Had a lot going on, I guess. Uh – I’m in the guest room, actually, sorry. That throws another wrench in your plans. I could take the couch, if you don’t mind my crap being all over the room –”

“Don’t be stupid, no one’s sleeping on the couch,” said Bianca, “except maybe you, right now, if you don’t collapse on the floor instead. You look like you’re about to pass out. Sit down, for Christ’s sake.” He brushed past Brian at what could only be called a clip – fast, determined, and altogether more than Brian’s hungover brain could fully process. Brian chose the path of least resistance and heaved his aching body – he was definitely getting too old to be sleeping without a real pillow, shit – over the arm of the couch, settling down with his cheek leaned against the back cushions as he watched Bianca set about tidying the kitchen. Bianca called over his shoulder, “Should I bother looking in the fridge, or should I spare you the indignity and just go get groceries?”

Brian thought about the wilting lettuce all sad and alone on the second shelf, and closed his eyes. “Uh,” he said. He’d never made that salad. “Might be best not to look.”

Cupboards banged open and shut, keeping time with the pounding in his head. “That’s what your dad told your mom when the nurse put you in her arms, huh,” said Bianca over the racket, who could very well be doing this to punish him.

“You think my dad stuck around that long?” said Brian, suffering quietly in the unmoving dark behind his eyelids. “You think I was born in a hospital?”

Bianca cackled. Brian’s head throbbed.

A long moment later, something cool and damp pressed against his temple, and he opened his eyes to see condensation drip down the side of a glass of water from very close-up. He lifted a hand to the glass, fingers brushing against warm skin, then looked up further to meet Bianca’s eyes, which were resting on him with a sober kindness.

“If you’re gonna die, do me the courtesy of moving to the balcony first so you don’t stink up the place,” Bianca said, mouth twitching up.

Brian pressed the glass against his cheek. “Anything to make this easier for you,” he said.

Bianca – nearly three years later and Brian was still a little too intimidated to even try for ‘Roy’ – huffed a laugh and returned to the kitchen. The cupboards started banging again, but a little quieter this time. Brian sipped his water and watched through half-lidded eyes as Bianca fussed and grumbled. “Always moving things around, I swear to God it’s like she tries to piss me off…”

“If there’s no food, what are you looking for?” Brian said.

“Frying pan. You’re vegetarian, right?”

Brian glanced up, surprised. “Yeah.”

“Get that look off your face. I remember things. I’m not that old.”

Brian smiled, hiding it away behind his cup.

Once Bianca was satisfied with the layout and contents of the kitchen, he leaned back against the counter and started tapping away at his phone rapidly. “Sesame oil, hoisin, star anise,” he muttered, “tofu, rice noodles – if I find anything instant in these cupboards, I swear…”

The sun was splintering through the clouds above the rooftops across the street; Brian shut his eyes and pressed the cup against his cheek, the cool glass soothing the ache behind his eyes. There was a pause in the low flow of words across the room and then Bianca said, “How’re you doing, miss Trixie?”, in the kind of crooning voice you might use on a sick pet.

That was fair, probably.

“Somehow both too close and too far from death at the same time,” Brian mumbled against the glass.

Footsteps sounded across the floor. He opened his eyes again.

“Don’t,” Bianca said, now over by Adore’s room, rustling through his duffel. “I’m just going for groceries. You can catch a few more winks while I’m gone.”

The fog in his head made Brian’s nose itch, his eyelids hang heavy. He nodded distractedly at Bianca as he rubbed at his face with one hand; when the door shut, he slumped against the arm of the couch, knees coming to rest against the back, glass of water cradled in his hands between his ribs and the cushions. Somewhere outside, a wind chime jingled quietly. His eyes drifted shut.

At some point, Bianca came back. Brian twitched into wakefulness at the sound of the door; shoes on hardwood (quickly silenced); the fridge opening and closing and the stove top beeping on. Bianca hummed tunelessly across the room.

Something in Brian twisted, turned in on itself like a dog gnawing at a mat in its stomach fur. Not quite restlessness, not quite nausea. He made a quiet, incoherent noise, then licked his lips and tried again: “Bianca?”

Bianca looked over at him. He saw it through mostly-closed eyes. “Yeah?”

Oil sizzled in the frying pan. The doors to the balcony were still open, and there was a faint smell of ginger beginning to fill the air, chasing away the staleness that clung to the corners of the room. Brian swallowed against the dry feeling in his mouth. “Tell me about your tour?” he said.

Bianca huffed a laugh. “Don’t get me started, girl,” he said, warning, but Brian cocked a sleepy eyebrow and he laughed again, louder. “Alright. The most recent show was in Florida, so, you can imagine, a bunch of swampy assholes – you didn’t need to fuck ‘em to smell ‘em. And the venue’s air conditioning was amazing everywhere except in the dressing room. You wouldn’t believe…”

Bianca rambled on. Brian closed his eyes again and drifted off to it, Bianca’s voice a soothing rhythm in the room, like one of those fountains where the water trickles slowly over tumbled stones. The pounding in his head faded. His eyes shut. He slept.

*

Hours later the door closed again, startling Brian into confused wakefulness and a late afternoon light. The sun had passed beyond the scope of the glass doors, casting the living room into shadow. Brian blinked hazily against the indistinct dark of the entryway, unable to make sense out of the lines and shapes that blurred before his eyes.

There was the thump of a bag being dropped. His gaze focused in on the sound – and up, to its source, where Adore stood listless, pale and brittle in the shadows. Her eyes slipped shut while he watched, and her lips thinned, pursed.

He opened his mouth.

“Adore.”

Adore’s eyes flew open to meet Brian’s gaze, but it wasn’t him who’d spoken. She looked to his right.

“B!”

In a flash, Adore’s face went from spent exhaustion to an almost hungry joy – not hungry, exactly. Sharp at the edges and a little too bright in the eyes. Brian didn’t know how to explain it, but it hit him like a punch all the same, familiar and close. Adore flung herself at Bianca, who caught her easily.

“Hey, baby,” Bianca said, knuckles going white at her spine.

“What the fuck, Yanx, what the fuck,” Adore kept repeating. Her elbows poked out like a spiny guard where her arms were wrapped around Bianca’s neck – like, god fucking help you if you try to get between this shit. She’ll fuck you up.

“What? I can’t take my weekend off to come visit my best girl?”

“You fucker,” Adore crowed, drawing back with a face-splitting smile. Bianca grinned back, crooked, and tucked a little of her bangs behind her ear.

“Only one of us gets to affect a tone of outrage here, bitch,” Bianca said. “You’ve been keeping Trixie Mattel stashed away in your little grow-op for how long, exactly?”

Adore paused, and looked back at Brian.

Brian dragged himself upright – well, more or less. Bianca had drawn a step back, watching him with an eyebrow cocked. Adore, holding one of Bianca’s hands in both of hers, was watching too, mouth set with trepidation, waiting for Brian’s move.

“About a month,” Brian said. “It’s, uh. It’s a long story.”

Bianca’s brow twitched higher. “I cleaned your puke out of the bath mat while you were passed out just now. I think you can fuckin’ humour me.”

Adore’s eyes widened.

“Oh my god,” she said, “oh my god, dude, the thing –” she glanced quickly at Bianca and then back, “when I was in L.A. I saw – but the thing, last night, dude, how fucked were you?”

“Ask your bath mat,” Bianca said. “And what thing is it we’re referring to? I’m not a fucking codetalker – no offence to your people, Trixie.”

Brian laughed, hoarse but real. “That was the Navajo, you dumb bitch.” He sipped his water – which miraculously hadn’t spilled all over him during his nap – and aimed for a smirk. “Sorry that the only code you understand is hanky because you’re a fucking dinosaur.”

Bianca cackled, and the sound – bright and younger than such an old bitch deserved – bounced off the walls, pushing back the pall of the encroaching evening and the stale air in the corners left over from Brian’s week alone.

“Watch it, girl,” Bianca shot back. “I brought your dinner into this world and I can take it out just as easy.”

“Food,” Adore blurted, turning suddenly and shaking Bianca’s arm.

Bianca rolled his eyes. “Did your lawyers not feed you in L.A.? It’s on the stove. I’d say you know where your own plates are, but in this kitchen, I can’t be sure.”

Adore smacked a kiss on his cheek. “Thanks, B,” she said, then spun past him into the kitchen.

“Yeah, yeah,” Bianca said. He eyed Brian critically. “I’d ask what you’ve been eating but I’ve already met it. You look thin.”

“Who knew depression had such perks?” Brian said, but judging by the way Bianca’s lips thinned, it fell flat.

“Come on,” Bianca said, decisive. “You’re having seconds tonight, and if I have to clean them out of more of Adore’s furniture later, I’ll do it. Because I care, Trixie Mattel.” He came over to the couch and offered Brian a hand up; once Brian was standing, he took him by the elbow and lead him towards the kitchen. “But expect my invoice by Monday. My mother taught me two things: how to clean and how to bill for it. So don’t you take me for a fool.”

“Oh, I’d never,” Brian laughed. “Lot of drunk white women stay at the hotel she worked at, huh?”

“Don’t compare yourself to them, now. You couldn’t afford to stay there.”

Adore flitted around once they were sitting like she had springs instead of feet, spreading candles throughout the room so everything was glowing and soft at the edges. And Bianca could cook, apparently, because it wasn’t enough that the bitch was talented and funny and well-read and handsome. Brian scraped his plate clean and – at Bianca’s glare – got seconds.

At one point, Bianca stepped outside to make a call. Adore leaned over and said, “Trixie, when I was in L.A.,” and then paused, one hand curled around Brian’s wrist. “Yeah?” he said, prompting, grinning easily with the food and the hour and the company. Her gaze flicked across his face – then she smiled and said, “I was really fuckin’ worried about my plants, dude.”

“Wow,” he said. “They’re fine. Where is the faith? I thought we were friends.”

“You’ve said that to a lot of people in your life, haven’t you,” Bianca yelled from outside the doors.

It was good. Everything else might be fucked beyond belief, but this – it was good, and something in Brian’s chest felt like it had been opened, like the first sweet breeze breaking through a summer heat wave, fluttering the curtains and knocking screens against their frames.

*

Brian woke just after midnight to a dry mouth – this hangover was going on twenty-four hours now, which was some bullshit – and the quiet sound of rain and distant voices. The glass by his bed was empty so he pulled on a shirt and slipped out the door, only to stop, drawn up short at the sight before him.

Adore and Bianca were on the balcony. They were turned in towards each other, talking quietly; Adore had one arm braced up on the railing, and Bianca was holding her hand. The city beyond them hid behind a grey curtain of late August rain. The night haze closed them in together, away from the rest of the world – and Brian, standing at his door, holding his empty glass against his chest, was just as far away.

Bianca said something he couldn’t catch, a serious expression straining the corners of his eyes as he searched Adore’s face for… Brian didn’t know. Adore replied, then ducked her head, shoulders hunching up. She freed her hand to fumble at her pocket, coming up with a carton of cigarettes. She lit one in the candle on her right – and missed the look that crossed Bianca’s face, aching and tired.

As Brian watched, Adore aimed a crooked smile out from under shaggy bangs – saying something, cracking some joke – only for it to break at the edges, ragged and thin in the orange glow of her cigarette. She turned away, out into the rain. Her shoulders, square and black against the grey night, cut a lonely figure, like some doomed ingenue from an old hollywood movie.

Bianca stepped closer and wrapped an arm around her waist. Her shoulders shook.

Brian couldn’t watch anymore – shouldn’t have seen any of it. He slipped away into the bathroom to fill his glass, then back into his room, deliberately not looking out onto the balcony again – and it hurt not to, in some fucked up way, hurt worse not looking than looking had. Because seeing Bianca hold Adore’s hand, and seeing Adore lean into the warmth of Bianca’s body – that had fucking hurt, like a blunt force straight to the chest.

He went back to bed. Cheek pressed into his pillow, he looked again – for the fifth or sixth time that day – at the texts from that morning between him and Katya. Not even ten words and they were all he could think about.

He fell asleep and dreamed of seagulls in flight; white sheets rumpled like seafoam; warm skin and a warmer smile.

*

bianca is here and she thinks she’s my mom, he texted Katya the next morning, each word coming too slow and careful. Stupid. He was so stupid. how do i tell her it’s a new dad i need instead?

He considered the text for a solid minute before pressing send.

There was no reply, but no read receipt either. He stared at the phone for another minute or two, lost in thought, until a knock came at the door.

“Hey,” Adore called, “hey, get your guitar, I want to show Bianx what you’ve been teaching me.”

“Sure, just a minute,” he called back. He woke his phone up to check it one more time, then got up to grab his guitar from the corner, flipping his notebook shut where it lay on the bed along the way.

He’d gotten a little work done this morning. It still made his palms sweat to see it all laid out like that, all the little fears and hopes he tried not to look at from day to day, and to remember that video on his instagram. But there were too many words set down to let them all go to waste. And anyway, he didn’t have to share the finished product with anyone. Just Katya.

He owed Katya that much.

Out in the living room, Bianca was curled on the couch barefoot, like a large and particularly self-satisfied house cat, smiling over a mug of coffee at Adore on the other end, her guitar balanced precariously in her lap.

“Oh, cool,” Brian said, affecting as much irritation as possible when they looked up at him. “Everyone gets to sit except me. Very cool.”

“Someone called me a dinosaur last night and someone didn’t,” Bianca said. “Figure the rest out for yourself.”

“Oh,” Brian said, and discreetly shot Adore the finger around the body of his guitar. Adore raised a lazy peace sign in return. “I’ll take that, I guess,” he continued, contemplative, “I probably deserve it.”

“Grace in defeat,” Bianca said. “I like that about you, Trixie.”

Brian hummed, dumping his phone on the coffee table and then straightening to sling his strap over his shoulders. He tapped his foot on the floor idly. “What did you want to play?” he asked Adore, then, not looking down, plucked out the notes to the theme of Jurassic Park.

Adore fell back into the arm of the couch, laughing, and Bianca pointed a finger at Brian and said, “You’d better lock your door tonight, bitch.”

“Please,” said Brian. “I welcome death.”

“Could we maybe, like, play my fuckin’ songs? Before I pussy out over here?” said Adore.

Bianca made a skeptical face at her. She made a much worse face back.

“Alright, alright,” said Brian, adjusting his strap. “27 Club?”

Adore’s new material was all angry and loud, but she kept returning to these softer, acoustic versions, like there was something in there between the notes that she was trying to find, something that got lost when it was all grinding electric rhythms. Brian followed her on the melody, rounding the sound out with three notes for her every one. Her music didn’t sound angry to him. It just sounded honest.

That had always been Adore’s greatest strength, though – that revelatory honesty, that unquestionable realness. Even when she was plastering on a smile, it was there underneath, palpable. Brian didn’t know how she did it.

(Nothing is real, mama, Katya would say, but that was also just her way of saying that everything was.)

(Brian didn’t know about all that. Some stuff was realer than other stuff – it was just a question of whether that mattered.)

The last chorus faded into a settled quiet. Adore tapped her pic against the body of her guitar rapidly, like a wood-pecker, then looked up at Bianca through her lashes and said, “What do you think?”

Bianca opened his mouth, paused, and then huffed a quiet laugh. “I think you put the rest of us to shame,” he said, and Adore ducked her head over her guitar.

Brian looked at them a moment, then swallowed and said, “I just want to remind everyone in the room that I did the heartfelt acoustic thing first. Just. You know. In case anyone had forgotten.”

Adore laughed and kicked out at him, missing his knee with her turtle-print-socked foot by a mile.

“I hate you,” she said, beaming. “9 Yards?”

“It’s your gig, girl,” he said, clinching the capo into place.

Adore nodded. She tapped them into the intro, grinning up at Brian like they were a team, and they fell into the melody together, just like they’d been practicing all month.

Three songs later they took a break, while Adore stretched her fingers out and Bianca got them all drinks. The two of them traded jabs across the room, and Brian, cross-legged on the floor, tucked a smile into the body of his guitar as he listened to their banter. He fiddled away at the notes aimlessly. The words he’d been penning late at night ran through his mind, the internal rhyme, the dips and pauses.

“I have it on good authority you never reorganized a damn thing when you were living with your mother,” Bianca was saying, “so I can only assume you’ve picked it up now to spite me –”

“I reorganized plenty!” Adore protested. “Moving shit around is reorganizing, it just isn’t tidying.”

“Oh, and you think you can have one without the other? Like, oh, well, I put this condom on, guess you can fuck me in the ass now! That ain’t how it works!”

Adore dissolved into laughter.

“Wow, I’ve been doing sex wrong this whole time,” Brian said, then almost dumped his guitar out of his lap as his phone buzzed on the table. The screen flashed with a new text: FROM: KATYA.

The guitar went on the floor; the drink Bianca tried to offer him went unnoticed.

“It’s from Katya,” he heard Adore stage-whisper as he snatched his phone up and unlocked it. “You can tell ‘cause she looks like she’s about to throw up her heart out of her mouth.”

“That’s visual,” said Bianca, and “Fuck the both of you,” said Brian, exiting the room, gaze glued to his phone.

Safely tucked away with a door between him and his hecklers, he read the text a second time, a third, and his own before it:

TO: KATYA - 12:07 PM - Saturday August 30th, 2017

bianca is here and she thinks she’s my mom

how do i tell her it’s a new dad i need instead?

FROM: KATYA - 1:34 PM - Saturday August 30th, 2017

what’s a step up from a check-in

He sank down onto his bed – and then a new text appeared, and another, and another.

if bianca’s ur dad and my uncle what does that make us? because i’m into it

i should have opened with that

I just. can’t tell when it’s a joke and when it’s a call for help with you right now

Brian swallowed.

me either, he typed.

Moving between the living room and the guest room was like moving into another house – another life entirely. The air prickled at his skin, slightly too cool with the encroaching fall. He’d left his window open the night before; gone back to his room, the image of Adore’s shoulders and Bianca’s hand at the turn of her hip burned into his mind. He’d cracked the window and lain on the sheets, thinking, thinking, completely un-fucking-able to stop thinking, staring out the window at the shadows cast by Seattle’s spindly bulk.

Katya’s texts from before had lit the dark of the room with an unfamiliar blue as Brian read them over a third time, a fourth. As his eyes had slipped shut, he’d heard it again, the way Katya’s voice had cracked: it’s not – you don’t just get to have things.

In the late afternoon, now, he hunched over his phone, shoulders up against the silence of the walls. He typed, i’m okay. And then, I don’t know what else to say.

There was a pause. Three inscrutable dots.

i don’t know how you did it, back then, Katya sent. trusted i’d make it through off one emoji and some incredibly unwarranted faith in – idk, fate? god?

You, sent Brian without pause.

He hurt. It was a physical thing, like all the ache inside of him had clawed its way out of the lock-safe of his chest and sunk long nails into his bones, his joints, all the spongy marrow, the nooks and crannies of his body. The way he missed Katya – it was a physical thing.

Dumb, sent Katya.

And, yeah.

i’m tired, he typed. The words came slow, because every letter felt like it cost him something. i feel sick all the time, more than i can blame on a day-old hangover. i miss you. I don’t know what to do.

He stared down at the words in the little text box, sitting idle, deceptively tranquil. His thumb hovered for a beat over the [x] to delete – then he shook his head and sent it off.

Delivered and then Read flickered instantly, followed by the ellipsis of Katya’s typing.

okay, came the answer. okay. thank you for telling me, tracy.

For some reason, the simple, sober seriousness of it made his eyes prickle. He huffed a laugh and rubbed at his nose.

we’re gonna work this out, was the next message, and then he really was tearing up, lashes sticking damply together as he blinked down at his phone.

we’re gonna work this out and it’s all gonna be okay, Katya sent.

thats a lot of optimism from a selfprofessed fatalist, he replied one-handed, wiping at his eyes with the other.

satanist, Katya answered quickly. theyre different things. sometimes.

Brian huffed a laugh, and then, mouth twitching despite himself, typed and sent: oh, you mean some people try to be bipartisatan?

There was a pause.

I, Katya sent.

I can’t even be mad

Im actually relieved

Brian really did laugh then, a sharp bark, and grinned down at his phone, like he could see Katya grinning back from the other side of the words.

The dots returned.

FROM: KATYA - 1:43 PM - Saturday August 30th, 2017

so bianca’s there now? how’s hell’s favourite senior citizen doing

That one Brian screencapped to show to Bianca post-haste.

good, he replied. sounds like she’s taken up throat-singing. seems to be sleeping in adore’s room.

Katya sent back a line of eyes-emojis.

mhm. it’s good though, Brian continued. like a continuous wave of benevolent judgement radiating directly at me. i think that’s healthy. Needed, even.

There was no reply for a minute; Brian kicked his heel gently against the back leg of the bed frame, waiting it out. His gaze drifted to his notebook, open at his side, and the corrections he’d scrawled out that morning. Assonance, meter, rhythm – just because it was honest didn’t mean it could be sloppy. He had his pride, here.

His phone buzzed again. Katya, forever on his wavelength, had sent: i liked your song

And then:

well, for values of liked. I mean – you know.

but it was good. is there more of it?

Lots more – black ink bleeding across faint blue lines, all the shit he’d been not-saying for a year or more condensed into four-four time. A whole fucking mess of a song more.

Yeah, he sent. And then, biting his lip: i’ll have to play it for you sometime.

He looked down at those words on his screen and the flicker of the Read notification, then amended -- i mean. i want to.

i’d like that, Katya replied, followed by a single heart.

Outside the guest room, a guitar picked up again, hesitant at first and then with more confidence. Brian glanced at the door, then out the window at the stretch of grey clouds hanging over the city. He turned and lay down on his side, phone in hand, and scrolled up to the top of the conversation – 1:34 PM, Saturday August 30th – to re-read it from the start.

*

Too late that night, tired but restless, Brian stepped out of the guest room to see faint light on the balcony and a thin haze of smoke. The apartment smelled vaguely sweet; mug in hand, he followed the scent out through the open glass doors, where Bianca was sitting alone, watching a small stick of incense burn. The orange glow at the tip simmered steadily, like a car light on a highway at midnight.

Bianca turned at Brian’s approach. “You’re up late,” he said, tipping his head back to observe Brian as he hovered in the doorway awkwardly.

“Yeah.” Brian jiggled the mug. “Getting some writing done.”

“Yeah? How’s that going?”

“Oh, you know. Slightly less painful than a country doctor pulling teeth. The usual.”

Bianca laughed softly. “C’mere,” he said. “Come sit. Enjoy the night. And this, uh, smelly shit Adore chose to inflict on us.”

“Really? I don’t see her out here,” Brian pointed out. “She bought it, but you lit it, girl.”

Bianca harrumphed, sinking deeper into his nest of blankets. “Well, she’s actually sleeping for once. Someone’s gotta keep the neighbours awake on her behalf.”

(When they’d walked into the magic shop that evening, Bianca’s first words were, “This feels like some white people bullshit.” He’d scanned the place, scowling, while Adore held her hands up to her face and snickered behind them. “No sense of self-preservation, messing with forces they don’t understand. It’s a miracle there’s enough of ‘em still around to plague the rest of us.”

Steph’s first words upon meeting Bianca were, “You look like you need more chamomile in your life.”

“I have some we can share,” Adore had offered; “if you can fuckin’ find it,” Bianca had interjected under his breath.

Adore had dug her elbow into his side. “Don’t be a grump,” she’d said. “I like these white people, man. They sell me crystals.”

Brian, behind them, waved at Steph with weary commiseration.)

Bianca tugged one blanket free from his pile as Brian settled down and passed it over; Brian took it with a nod, hunching his spine against the chill. Fall came faster in Seattle than L.A., like an impatient host ushering a guest out the door. Brian tried hard not to think of the implications of that particular metaphor.

“Let me,” Bianca said, nodding at Brian’s mug, then, when he passed it over, poured half of his own into it. A faint haze of steam rose out of the mug as Brian took it back.

“Thanks,” he said, then choked on his first sip – not because it was hot, but because it was beyond alcoholic. “The fuck is this?” he managed.

“The only cure for the common cold,” said Bianca. “I don’t know. Whatever was in the cupboards. Lemon, chamomile, and a shitload of gin, can you taste it?”

Brian stared at him. “No,” he said. “It’s just a delicate bouquet.”

“Ooh, someone thinks she’s fancy,” said Bianca reproachfully. “You don’t want it, give it back.”

“No, no.” Brian huddled the mug closer to his chest. Bianca’s mouth twitched crookedly.

They drank in silence for a minute. The skies lay heavy and low, weighted with rain; the street was quiet. On the coffee table, the incense was burning down to its stick, the sweet unfamiliar smell drifting on the breeze. Sips two, three, and four of Bianca’s hell brew went better, and a slow warmth began to fill Brian from the inside out. He slumped back into the chair, twisting his feet in the ends of the blanket as he stared out onto the street. The buildings were so obscured by the dark that he could only pick them out in edges and lines, like some monochromatic cubist painting.

“How long do you think you have left here?” said Bianca.

When Brian turned to look, Bianca was watching him – might have been watching him the whole time.

“I’m not asking ‘cause of Adore. Short of insulting her mother or voting for Trump, Adore would let you stay until the oceans rise to swallow this godforsaken hipster port-in-the-storm whole. I’m asking for you – ‘cause I don’t know how much longer you have it in you. Staying. And you’d better have a plan for when you can’t anymore, because otherwise this whole bullshit tangle will just get worse.”

Brian lifted his mug, rested it against his bottom lip. “Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I know.”

Bianca let him sit a moment longer, then said, “So?”

“Yeah,” Brian said again. He took another sip to steady himself. “I don’t know. Everytime I think I have a handle on what I’m feeling, something else comes up, or something happens, and it’s like I’m back in that moment again – standing in my bedroom in L.A. and realizing I couldn’t do it for another second more.”

Bianca hummed, low and almost soundless in the dark. “And what’s it?”

“The whole – thing. All of it.”

“Narrow that down for me.”

Brian turned and scowled at him. “You know, Adore never gives me this kind of shit.”

“Adore has her own shit. That’s why you never asked her to actually help – you just asked her for a place to stay. You wouldn’t have sat in that chair, and you wouldn’t have said as much as you have, if you didn’t want me to give you shit.”

He held Brian’s gaze steadily until Brian looked away, back down into his mug.

“Yeah,” Brian said.

“Hey,” Bianca said. “You know I wouldn’t push if I didn’t care.” He nudged Brian’s knee with his own. “Don’t repeat that or I’ll deny it.”

Brian laughed, just quietly.

“So,” Bianca said again. “What’s it?”

A siren rang out, somewhere in the distance. Brian took another drink. The clouds overhead cast everything in deep blue shadows; his hands had gone ghostly white and veinless. He wrapped them tighter around the warmth of his mug.

“Everyone wanting something from me,” he said finally, then corrected, “expecting something from me, and feeling like I have to answer to it. All of it, because no two people expect the same thing. That’s not what I fucking signed up for,” he said, volume climbing, then he cut himself off, looking away.

“Isn’t it?” said Bianca impassively.

Brian – snapped.

“I signed up to compete on a dumb-ass game show. I signed up to show my art to the world – I signed up to share what I could do, not who I am. That’s mine. That’s mine and not any other fucking person’s in the world. I didn’t sign up to be grabbed at, told what to do, or told when and where to spill my guts for some strangers’ emotional boners. They can go jerk off to season seven if that’s what they really need. I owe them my work – my best work. I don’t owe them me.”

The mug was shaking in his hands. He breathed, then breathed again, fighting against the band around his chest.

“No,” Bianca said gently. “You don’t.”

Brian opened his mouth, then closed it. It felt like something had dislodged inside of him, something that had been stuck in crooked where it didn’t belong; he couldn’t meet Bianca’s eyes. He looked out at the skyline until his mouth felt less dry and he could speak evenly. “But that’s not how it works.”

Bianca made a questioning noise. “Isn’t it?”

And – for fuck’s sake. “I don’t know. Why don’t you go ask Adore.”

Silence. Brian pressed his lips together, then took another sip of his drink. That was a low blow and he knew it. When he looked back, it was Bianca staring out at the skyline, face unreadable.

“Sorry,” Brian said quietly. And then: “I don’t know how to go back. But this isn’t… this isn’t who I want to be. I didn’t know I could get to this point, not anymore.” He hunched his shoulders. “I’m such a fucking mess.”

“Well,” said Bianca. “Yeah.”

Brian’s mouth twitched. “Thanks, girl.”

They sat in silence for a moment – a new, companionable silence that Brian had never felt with Bianca before, always a little too impressed and in awe to actually relax. He drained the last of his mug and pulled his blanket further up around his shoulders and neck. Sitting with Bianca like this felt like sitting with Adore did, like – like sitting with Shea, or Kim, or Katya, and that made him feel both warm and lonely at the same time.

“You know,” he said abruptly, “Adore has to be one of the – the best fucking people I’ve ever met.”

“That’s not exactly breaking news to me,” said Bianca.

“I’m serious. I show up out of nowhere and she just… lets me stay in her house, tells me it can be for as long as I need – seriously, who does that? For some bitch off the street? Come on. I wouldn’t.”

Bianca rolled his eyes. “Don’t be melodramatic. You’re not some bitch off the street. She liked you before all this, she told me so.”

“But you know what I mean,” Brian insisted. He watched Bianca from heavy, half-lidded eyes – he was either tipsy or half-asleep, and for the fucking life of him he could not have said which.

“I do,” said Bianca. “But – you realize she got something out of it too. Having you here. It’s been good for her.”

“Well,” said Brian, “well, yeah.” He tipped his face over to look at Bianca fully, the lines at the corners of his eyes and mouth and the way he held the edges of the blankets bundled in his lap, arms crossed to keep them place and hands tucked into his sides for warmth. “She’s lucky to have you. You balance her out – you’re like a rock. Or, I don’t know, some other, less-cliché shit.”

“I can see why you’re such a successful songwriter,” said Bianca.

“Fuck you, you’re the wind beneath her fucking wings.” Bianca laughed, and Brian grinned sleepily. “I mean it. You’re like – you’re so steady. Nothing touches you. That’s what she needs right now.”

(Earlier, he remembered, in the magic shop: the moment where Adore had retreated from the conversation, so smoothly Brian almost hadn’t noticed – eyes going distant and distracted, body closing in on itself. One moment she was there and the next she wasn’t.

And then: the way Bianca had stepped forward, touching a hand to the small of her back. The way Adore had leaned into it. The way Steph hadn’t noticed at all, because Bianca had taken over the conversation completely, buying Adore the moment she needed to get herself together.)

Bianca’s mouth pursed and he looked away.

“Who’s older, you or her?”

“I –” Brian paused. “I don’t know, actually.”

“She makes it easy to forget. And then sometimes I look at her and I feel like she has to be my age. No one that young should look so tired.”

Brian shifted in his seat, unsure of how to respond to the strange tone in Bianca’s voice. “Bitch has good skin.”

Bianca hummed quietly.

“You know,” he said, “you go through things in life and you think, this isn’t so bad. There’s no point in lingering on it because the more time you spend in place, the less time you spend getting yourself out of there. You know? You think, I can handle anything. And then you see someone else go through their own things – someone you care about, someone you love… “ Bianca trailed off. “That’s the real hardship. That’s the shit you can’t push away or push through. Where you learn you aren’t so tough after all.”

Brian swallowed, and thought about Katya.

“It’s not –” Bianca frowned and looked away. “It’s not her fault. But it’s hard.”

“She’s lucky to have you,” Brian said again, more forcefully. Bianca looked back,

surprised – then smiled all lopsided, and reached over and squeezed Brian’s forearm.

“Anyone ever told you you’re a sap when you drink, Miss Mattel?”

“Yeah.” Brian looked down at Bianca’s hand, then at his own around his mug. A dozen nights from the past month filled his head, the warm cocoon of a tipsy haze, Katya’s voice in his ear. He had developed this bad habit of repeating hey, I like you, like it was some big secret he was revealing every time. And then Katya would say, smile evident in the timbre of his voice: you’re a sap, Tracy. How many nights?

God, Brian missed him.

He swallowed against the tangle of feelings lodged tightly at the base of his throat. “Is it worth it?”

“Mm?”

“You’re the biggest name there is in our world. You know what I mean. Is it worth it?”

Bianca looked at him, equal parts thoughtful and watchful. Words clustered on Brian’s tongue but he couldn’t get them out: the stress, the loneliness, the bullshit, the distance –

“It can be,” said Bianca after a long moment. “You have to make it worth it, though. Make it yours. Do what you want to do, no more and no less, and make sure that at the end of the day, you have something to come back to.”

*

Brian dreamed of the pier; he woke too early, with gritty eyes and a tightness in his throat, and lay on his side looking out at the heavy grey skies which had persisted through the night. He remembered Steph, the day before:

“You look weathered,” she’d said, while Adore showed Bianca around the store.

“Yeah,” he’d said. “My pores are all oc-cloud-ed.”

She exhaled half a laugh, but looked at him with serious eyes. “So,” she’d said, “how’s that end of the world treating you?”

Seattle outside his window grew lighter but not brighter, the grey pall lying melancholy along its lines. All the colour leached out; that last pretense of summer giving up the fight. Brian shut his eyes against it and fell back asleep.

*

“My uber is downstairs,” Bianca said, chiding, as Adore refused to let go. “Dan.”

Adore sniffled. “Shut your face and let me hug you.”

“My wrinkles are getting deeper by the second, Delano.”

“‘Cause you can’t afford to get a lift done. Shut your face.”

Brian, leaning back against the island that separated the kitchen from the rest of the room, looked down at his hands so he wouldn’t have to see the way Bianca’s mouth twisted, abruptly less than firm.

“Now don’t you two do anything stupid once I’m not around to keep an eye out,” Bianca said a moment later, “and you, don’t you let that one forget to eat, okay?”

Brian glanced up again to find both of them looking at him, Adore with a fond smile halfway there and Bianca with a scowl.

“I eat!” he protested.

“Hmph,” said Bianca.

“Okay, exactly one of us looks like a short brown stick insect, so…”

“Shut up and c’mere,” Bianca said, finally loosening himself from Adore’s clutches, and when Brian hesitated, he came over himself, grasping Brian’s elbows, one then the other, and tugging gently until he folded forward into the waiting hug.

Bianca was warm and steady, and Brian shuddered, just a little. He didn’t know how Adore could let go.

When Bianca was at the door, bags in hand, he paused and looked back at both of them, even though his Uber was waiting (and beginning to honk intermittently.) His gaze flicked from Adore, to Brian, and then back to Adore. Adore made a rough noise. “Text me, dumbass,” she said. “I’ll miss you. Fuck. Get out of my house.”

Bianca laughed, eyes crinkling up at the corners, then waved a little at both of them – like a fucking dork – and disappeared out the door.

Adore slumped back against the couch. She looked both tired and older; but there was something more quiet about her energy than Brian had seen in the past month. He went over to settle beside her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders gingerly.

She rested her head against his shoulder. He rubbed his thumb against the slope of her arm, absent, then said, “Want to get plastered?”

It was barely noon.

“Yeah,” said Adore. “Fuckin’ slaughtered.”

The rest of the day was… a bit of a blur.

*

Brian woke to a new day, sunlight, a pounding head, and a text from Katya.

LA is more of a sinkhole than i remember, it read. Anxious about fault lines & wishing u were here.

He pressed his face into his pillow and read it again, then again, half a smile creeping onto his face.

The night before was pretty much a shitshow, but he remembered parts here and there; vaguely, he could recall Adore digging her toes into his thigh – she’d been stretched out along the couch, while he’d been tucked into one end, mug of something ungodly held between his hands – and telling him, voice quieter than the night outside, that she’d watched the video. His video, the one he’d deleted from Instagram.

“That’s,” she’d said, slurring a little, “that’s some real shit, dude. Like some real ass shit. That’s not the shit you walk away from.”

But I have, he’d replied, barely even conscious of what he was saying. Lots of times. Katya and me… it’s always been ‘almost’ with us. Almost after almost after almost.

And almosts only count –

“But you want it,” she’d said. “And I know – I know she does too. Dude. I know.”

And what was he supposed to do with that? Did Adore think he hadn’t figured that much out for himself?

Fuck.

He turned over in bed, away from the sunlight, and groaned quietly. It felt like a small animal had fucking died in his mouth. He dragged himself upright on unsteady feet. There was a slight possibility he was still drunk.

Phone in hand, he stumbled out of bed, hitching his boxers up with one hand. The stretch to the door felt like an interminable distance. Water, he thought, get some water, and then back to bed for more sleep, and when I wake up I’ll feel like a person again –

He opened the door.

For one golden moment, everything was still. Then somewhere across the room, something jerked, and Adore gasped, “wait –”

Brian blinked.

Another jerk of movement; a thud; and then his vision cleared, the noonday sun slanting through the apartment easing in his eyes, and he saw Adore staring back at him from the couch, mouth slack, one hand pressing her phone face-down into the coffee table.

“I was –” she stuttered, “– fuck, I was –”

In his hand, Brian’s phone began to vibrate insistently.

“Fuck, Trixie,” Adore said weakly. “I was live.”

Brian stared at her.

People talk about the bottom falling out of your stomach. This wasn’t that. This was walls tumbling outwards, like a card structure when the table under it’s been knocked, the hollow inside of a house revealed to the open air in the shock of a second. This was the walls of his chest split open; fault lines doing what fault lines do.

He pressed a hand behind him at the door, like maybe he could step back into his room and all this would go away.

His phone was still buzzing, continuously now, the noise like a power drill. His mouth was dry as sawdust.

He wasn’t ready. The walls were coming down and he wasn’t fucking ready.

[pokefanbri]

"Home is where the heart is" I dont have to tell you where that lies. But its only part of the pain. I know in my heart I'm a good person, but my life has been in shambles since I was young. Theres many like me, that dont deserve the life they were given & yet somehow persevere through it just to survive & try to be happy through the pain.

How I ask do I deserve not to be happy. I feel there was no justice for me, I was dishonorably discharged lol. I was truly happy where I was, but even if i were to travel place to place...that is also in my blood, not just the place I resided.

I was at home, I was at peace, I truly loved everyone there & every second. But do I dare go there again, absolutely in a heartbeat. But this is what kills me, Part of me says "this is your life now, accept it, push through even if u can't" the other part of me says that ill be white knighted with a bust through the door like the kool-aid man & he says "sike, yea i fucked it up & didn't realize I had something special, will u forgive me" 😅

But i know that could just be my imagination & im overthinking again. But where actually is my life headed? I have a good heart, i care so much about those thats affected me even in a bad way...but maybe that's God's love showing right through me, because I forgive easy & help those that need it. My brother says that a "helper" is equivalent to a partner in crime & all aspects, a soul mate. He throws the word around with this subject, but he's also trying to find his forever helper which he believes is the mother of his 1st born children. Thats great, given the right circumstances & if her situation was better, yea they could probably try.

For me, caring & trust is my biggest downfall. Because i do so much for others b4 myself, I end up taken advantage of or at least feeling like it. Even if its not the case, the wrong thats been done to me all my life..made me this way. I cant help that. And to find someone that I trusted fully, only to find out that I couldn't. That breaks a person like me down & actually hurts to the core. I didnt deserve that, but it was the disservice that was thrust upon me without a 2nd thought. I wasn't given the proper chance to love someone because they refused to love me back & yea most of the time it was about them...but thats a leo for ya 😅

When someone shares it mutually, everyone wins, you're complete, u have that "helper" you've been longing for all your life. The good times that were shared, the humorous banter, doing something for the other just cuz u can & cuz u want to, showing eachother off to friends & family like "yea thats my babe right there" as if to say they were happy u were there,the best friend & sidekick that everyone needs...it was all gone in a blink of an eye. Leading on my heartstrings, making me fall harder & harder, the friendship to the end even, all for nothing. But because of all the positives, thats what gets me, it's why my pain is so confusing. Why was it all like that if not on purpose whether for a positive reason I have yet to understand, to make it easier for them not to deal without regard for the others feelings, or cause God making me suffer more through it to make me stronger...when I thought I was done with low struggles already.

Idk man, I just dont understand. But because of what my life has been like over the past half of the year, all the positives makes me want more...because I never got all of him in the 1st place. I always wanted more because he held himself back & on purpose. So maybe it did seem like attachment, but only cuz I longed for the same feeling in return & didnt give up trying to find it..literally any sign of it. I was trying to figure his sweet ass out & learn what kind of person he really was lol, so I could accommodate to him more especially in the last weeks I was sweating my ass off 😆 I was dedicated so much I was willing to change what wasn't liked on the outside. Like I wanted to do so much to keep the best thing i had, cause deep down I knew his old feelings fizzled out quick & I just didnt understand & I still dont. I mean I guess I understand if he wasn't ready for a commitment? And that's fine, but he committed b4 & when I was brought there. What is it that was so wrong about me, that negative thoughts festered so much about someone it makes u think someone else is the problem, when its not the case at all.

Theres nothing i can think of, nothing else i could've done to show my worth, that I wasn't a waste of time. Maybe I pushed too hard? But in those last few weeks I gave space & focused on myself & my tasks at hand with so much more effort to have some kind of a chance, to save what was precious to me..save someone else that couldn't rise up on their own. & i blew it somehow. I was told i settled, but that was the point from the beginning that we both agreed upon. I think it was just that the other was getting comfortable with someone around & it scared em..to where they couldn't do all they wanted in life along with dealing with someone else at the same time. Or possibly felt 1 or the other wasnt good enough for the other & felt inadequate or unequiped. And searching for someone else to fill a void they already had at home, thats another thing that befuddles me. The last time I saw him, it didn't look or sound like he cared, avoided eye contact til he drove off & my heart sank even more as I knew it might be the last time I ever saw him. I was too pissed & in the heat of the moment flipped him off til he was out of sight, but after...i wanted to die right then & there but my best friend was there & we were on a deadline just as he was. If I were alone & my friend wasn't there, I'd be sobbing in that parking lot for hours til someone found me.

They, he, had it all but lost it due to their own negligence, in my opinion.

I mean come on whats not to like about me that didn't go hand in hand with what they were searching for.

The perfect heritage to match his (Templin Germany the 7th largest region) with some jew blood, same interests & hobbys, outlook on life, the lucky number, a good & gentle soul with a love for God. Passion for travel, soft spot for bald eagles, the dream of becoming a parent 1 day, intellectually & gamer gifted, both loves BLT sandwiches...because i da snack too 😏, both have the same middle name but spelled differently & 30yr olds with same hs class year, I have 3 hansome brothers & he has 3 beautiful sisters. I mean Dafuq? Lol. We're total opposites & literally residing NE to SW of the country, 1 grew up well the other not so much...yet we still were able to find eachother....somehow? Bro how about u try the other half of the yr here, 6 month equivalent & finish 2020 the right way huh lol BET 😂 oh man. A girl can dream though can't she?

I have a college writing level & training in business, musical theater, massage therapy (which was the fav), veterinary tech college training in hs, 7 years of choir under my belt since 5th grade including after hs in multiple churches & my choir teachers wedding. I Iove animals, likes to paint, great with technology, listen to music & sing along to every word almost exact, family oriented, a gaming & content creating wizard, passion for helping people, can organize & clean the shit out of anything, can be the boss when i feel the need as well as the spunk & charisma to push forward at any given task. I can multitask & can get shit done if I set my mind to it, if there's something or someone I need to feel purpose to be my best self, yea & if I'm accepted, that's purpose enough right there to get my ass moving.

Yea, jumbling alot of shit in my early life made me crack under the pressure but only cuz i really went over the top & burnt out. But ive relaxed alot since then & am treated for my ailments, ive learned to do things to pace myself now to prevent a psychosis from ever happen again.

Ive said this b4, there was 1 other that also broke up with me...1st time it ever happened the other way around mind u, was also a Leo.. shocker lol. After only 3 months & of me saying the L word too quick...it was what finally broke me, what added ontop of everything else. I was living in my own apt since hs & after school a yr later at 19..he lived in the same apt complex & worked where i did. We hit it off really well & loved talking to eachother at work, almost the same humorous & smart personality with a passion for gaming, dead ass great driver, skinny & ample where it counted, & yea also a weed enthusiast 😅 all of it pretty much the same as the recent one in my life. Honestly thinking about it now they probably would've been great friends lol. Thomas was his name, but I was in a relationship at the time of meeting him as well. But I didn't pursue anything til that relationship blew up in my face just cuz my current bf's grandfather was my boss & saw how well Thomas & i got along as friends, associated it with cheating, & that was that. Tom could be mine after all lol, chips fell into place on their own after he professed his feelings to me on his MySpace blog so damn smoothly lol 😂 Saying there was a girl he liked, i commented on it, he asked me out, that was trap lol, but it worked lol. The chemistry was 🔥

But yea, we had alot fun together & he was completely chill with me. But after it ended it set something off in me. Ended up in a psych ward for 2-3 weeks, little did I know he was worried sick & had no idea where i was or how to visit. I wasnt allowed to have my phone but the persons number I knew by heart, was the previous guy b4 tom, the chubby aloof dumbass that was my 1st love lol. Tom hated him with a passion cuz this dude wasn't a man that treated me fairly, pushed onto me by his family for me to take care of, shelter & feed him mooching off of me & taking advantage of a comfortable place to live at 1 point. When i was in the hospital, my 1st was the 1 to pick me up. When I got back from the hospital I learned of how tom was worried & he gave me a big hug. But by that point I was back with the 1st...somehow that happened & I actually don't remember what brought it on cuz my memory throughtout those weeks was dowsed in medication...but Thomas was the one heartbroken instead of me this time cuz he actually did want me back, the fact I took this other guy back over him, a person he despised...was terrible to him & he severed all ties, moved away. He broke up with me, technically it was okay as so i thought to see someone else regardless if it was an ex or not. i didn't know I had another chance at all.

But anyway, the difference between the 2 leo Ts, 1 let me in completely, cared about me as much as i did for him in same way & the L word too soon is what did it in for him after 3 months 🤷‍♀️ The other T well..unfortunately 1 sided for the most part despite how well we clicked, i was faithful & the other tried not to be after 3 months & hid things due to his own insecurities, pulling me along for another 3months when I didn't have to do jack for him at all after that point, but I did. I might've said the L word too soon with him as well idk. But because I'm a different person than I was then, there's no psychotic break...its just the depressed feeling of defeat with the mix of the longing i still have for him.

Wtf is it with T names & the number 3!? ffs! 😫 Briana Leigh Templin BLT, Bri Loves...whoever Tfuk 🤣

I cant write anymore today, I gotta leave tomorrow. My brother wants me to work for him instead & make more money, in a team that would be like in an office space, basically an assistant but making calls & checking in with clients within his real estate, solar, etc businesses.

But idk, I just got my foot in the door with something else. If I let go of that, for something that could or could not be bad for me, then what do I do? Neither of them sound any less stressful, bryans idea however earns more money & would have me dealing with stuff I like to do in regards to skills maybe? Idk man, idk. It'd a tough call.

My point in writing this, nothing accept to show how much I thought he was perfect for me, just as he originally thought about me. These are all thoughts going through my mind, get them out of my head. To talk openly the way I am, its therapeutic. But I miss him so damn much, not sure when this feeling will go away. I still love him & even dare I say trust him,even through his lying ass faults & idk why, i shouldn't but i do...thats the powerful effect he had on me. Still waiting on the last promise to be friends, im giving space, venting here instead of to him cuz i wouldn't want to be that much of an annoyance. I was going to include more but it'd be dark & negative,& im not about outing the worst in people especially if he was a good guy for the most part...no that wouldn't be right, probably deserves it to be honest..but no. I still wanna do right by him. That's all for now

[machinakrp]

>> OPEN OH NOEUL’S FILE …

:// AGE — 24 :// OCCUPATION — beat cop / undercover cop :// CLASS — elysium native

>> LOADING DEVELOPMENT …

:// MODIFICATIONS —

out of lack of money alone, noeul doesn’t have any personal augmentations. any money he did manage to save up went towards any augmentations he found necessary for his little sister instead. as a result, all of noeul’s current augmentations were added and paid for by the station out of necessity.

cyberoptic camera: neo seoul’s answer to the police body camera’s of yore, these are required for all officers to install. technically, they’re supposed to keep it on at all times on-duty, indicated by a little red light glowing on the skin in the corner of their eye. when on, it records everything he see’s and uploads it all to the precinct’s cloud. when he was chosen to undercover, they upgraded the camera, allowing the red light to be off even while he’s recording.

hidden built-in compartment: again, something he was given after his undercover assignment, the augmentation replaces part of his upper leg with a small metallic compartment, allowing him to stow away his gun. it acts as an undetectable holster, as his skin was placed over the metallic door to disguise it naturally. to open the compartment, he has a small trigger behind his right ear that will activate only when he places his right hand’s index finger on it for one second. this allows for easy access and ensures no one else aside from himself can accidentally (or purposefully) open it.

cyberaudio: implemented as built-in chips into both of his ears and yet again something that was given after his latest assignment, this augmentation grants him a wider radius of hearing, as well as improving his sound recognition. he’s better able to distinguish wind or other odd sounds from actual human footsteps, for example, and his hearing radius has expanded to as far as he can see, though the sound gets slightly muddled and harder to recognize the farther it is. but should he need to, he is able to adjust the radius if he wants to make it smaller and his hearing more accurate as well.

radio link: another required installation for officers, the radio link replaces the walkie talkies of days past. it’s an upgraded feature of his cyberaudio augmentation chips, only audible in his right ear and can be toggled on/off by a fingerprint sensor chip in his left wrist. on default, it was only wired directly to his precinct’s frequency, but he has had it jailbroken to allow connection to other frequencies, most notably to his sister’s radio link.

>> LOADING BIOGRAPHY …

tw verbal abuse, death, child abandonment and neglect

POLICE REPORT [ CASE NO. 21460930 ]

first incident: the birth of oh noeul

– [ details of event ]

on the last day of september, year 2146 at 0928 hours, lee miran gave life to a baby boy she later named oh noeul. the husband was no where to be found, claiming his inability to get out of work even for the birth of his first son. miran did not seem to mind, mumbling something about understanding and not being able to afford rent that month and desperately needing those paid hours. upon hearing this, the nurse moved swiftly to get them discharged (read: kicked out), pulling iv’s and wires out and shoving a barely bathed, still crying noeul into his mother’s arms. they were left out on the street slick with rain and grime within the following thirty minutes, the door to the underground ‘hospital’ locked behind them.

miran walked home, singing old lullabies to her son all the way there. but the lock would not turn for her key.

– [ actions taken ]

oh kyungsub, noeul’s father, got up from his desk at his precinct’s station and caved for the first time, but certainly not the last. there has always been more money in dirty bribes than in honest hours, after all. one simple write-off gathered him more than enough to slam hard cash onto their landlord’s desk in a fit of anger. later, he sold his morals for retribution too, for making sure that same underground hospital’s door was locked for good.

second incident: noise complaints lodged towards the oh family’s semi-basement home

– [ details of event ]

on the 15th day of august, year 2152 at 0314 hours, the neighbors living just feet away from the oh family called the police to complain about loud noises from the semi-basement keeping them up. this was not the first or last time they called.

oh kyungsub had just returned home, reportedly smelling like alcohol and smoke. upon arrival, he started yelling at his wife and waking up oh noeul (six years old) to do just the same. that only instigated further yelling until the argument went from being angry at noeul’s existence forcing him to go against his own morals, to blaming miran for doing nothing all day and being useless at even taking care of their child. then, it devolved to him almost threatening noeul to cry for christ’s sake, because did he have no shame for what he’s done to their family?

noeul just shook his head, silent. he had already run out of tears over this repeated event. instead, he waited for his father’s slurred words to wind down. he waited for his mother to retreat back to their room, resigned and listless like she’d always been since noeul could recently remember, leaving him to take care of the mess left behind as usual. when his father collapsed against their tattered couch and knocked a few bottles on the side table over, noeul righted his head and tossed a blanket over him, dutifully picking up the broken bottle glass soon after.

the sun rose before noeul finished and rather than going to sleep, he scoured the kitchen for something to cook for the first meal of the day.

– [ actions taken ]

there were no actions taken by the police regarding the noise complaint, because of course not. they wouldn’t betray one of their own, especially not one willing to accept even the dirtiest of bribes if it meant money to keep a roof over his head. even if he complained constantly about hating it, about feeling vile.

noeul, on the other hand, made a promise to himself to not become his dad. he went out of his way to be an upstanding citizen in a crooked city, picking trash up off the streets, giving even the smallest scraps of food he could to any of the homeless he came across, buying old school earplugs for his neighbors and telling them about some affordable hearing augmentations he researched. he bottled his anger instead of projecting it, pressure slowly building inside him, waiting to burst.

noeul grew up and cared for himself and his parents because they couldn’t do it themselves.

third incident: the birth of oh goeul

– [ details of event ]

on the 13th day of january, year 2153, lee miran gave life to a baby girl she later named oh goeul. the husband was no where to be found. miran said nothing about it this time. in fact she barely said a word. the baby was an accident, and noeul, then eight years old, was the only one to welcome her warmly. he cradled her before their mom even did and whispered promises to shield her, to care for her, promises he intended to keep (promises he wished were made to him).

because her presence meant another mouth to feed, another body to clothe. meant more money. meant more selling of oh kyungsub’s soul, if there was even anything left. and so, verbal fights continued like they always had. tension grew further, became palpable, insufferable.

on the 13th day of january, year 2158, lee miran left.

– [ actions taken ]

oh kyungsub did not notice her absence until three days later, and all he did was laugh and mutter something about it being about damn time. the yelling didn’t stop, though, chorused this time by little oh goeul’s cries. miran’s absence didn’t mean he could quit being an informant, could quit turning his cheek away from crimes. he was in too deep now, and there were still 2 extra mouths to feed. and so it continued.

nothing changed, no different course of action was taken.

noeul continued to bottle his emotions because he had no time to process them.

noeul continued to raise goeul and watch after his dad when he came home wasted in the middle of the night because someone had to.

noeul became atlas, holding the weight of his world on his twelve year old shoulders and tried so hard not to buckle under it.  

fourth incident: assault with deadly weapon in a corner convenience store

– [ details of event ]

on the 13th day of january, year 2158, it rained. on the 14th day of january, year 2159, it poured. at 2309 hours in a dimly lit convenience store, officer oh kyungsub called in for backup. by the time they arrived, it was too late. they roped off the store, made a mess of its produce, burned the surveillance footage, and called it an open and shut case. robbery gone haywire, they said. wrong place, wrong time. they failed to report that the store was a front for a particularly prominent drug lord at the time that kyungsub may have wronged.

either way, the oh siblings were left completely on their own.

– [ actions taken ]

noeul didn’t grieve again. not healthily, anyway. not at first. someone had to take care of goeul, someone had to be strong for her and there was no one else now but him. their aunt moved in with them, but she might as well shouldn’t have. she was less equipped to be a parental figure than noeul was at thirteen, and could barely cover their rent.

so, noeul took to the streets. not to pick pocket or swipe snacks from the convenience stores nearby, but to look for any odd jobs people would allow a child to do. babysitting, cleaning rooms, handing out flyers, whatever was available.

(and still, it was barely enough).

fifth incident: disturbance at a vr café

– [ details of event ]

on the 20th of june, year 2162 witnesses reported a fight breaking out in the alleyway beside a bootleg vr café. at the center of the incident was oh noeul, lips cut up bloody and knuckles even more so.

but he was not a victim. in fact, he laughed when familiar police officers arrived.

the other assailant, even bloodier and swollen, claimed noeul antagonized him relentlessly as if purposefully trying to pick a fight. that it was all noeul’s fault and he was just defending himself. in the end, the officers let him go and took noeul into the precinct for the countless time in the past two years.

old pals of his father, they questioned what was going on with him. but he couldn’t tell them because he barely knew himself. he didn’t realize that the pressure he built up inside finally popped, that he finally buckled under the weight on his shoulders he’s held for years. didn’t realize he was releasing all that bided anger, all that bottled stress through his bloody fists.

so he just shrugged, silently picking at his scabs until they released him once again.

– [ actions taken ]

on that particular day, no action was taken.

but on the following one, noeul picked another argument with someone larger than him he had no business fighting with. this time, it didn’t end with a call to the police. it ended with him limping back home, coughing blood and applying pressure to an open wound on his chest.

it was two in the morning by the time he made it home and the way his heart sunk when goeul opened the door ached more than all his injuries combined. the way she helped him in, a bowl of warm water and a rag already set up at the table reminded him too much of himself at her age. only, now, he became his dad. he broke his promise.

noeul vowed that night to not do it again.

sixth incident: noeul joins the force

– [ details of incident ]

on the tenth of february in the year 2168, oh noeul officially joined the elysium police force in the same precinct as his father before him. at 21, he joined a bit later than he’d hoped on account of the officers blocking his entrance every year, though noeul was none the wiser and persevered because part-time jobs weren’t going to cut it for long.

he and goeul had moved out of the semi-basement they used to call home into a larger and marginally cleaner apartment nearby as soon as he turned 18. he had saved for that moment, wanting to provide better for goeul. but his savings depleted quickly, forcing them to move to a smaller apartment at 19, and then to a studio at 20, having to take out a loan from someone he shouldn’t have.

and so joining the force was his goal. surely, he thought, a steady career would pay more.

but being stuck with demeaning beat cop duties and receiving paychecks barely larger than his part time gigs quickly proved him wrong. whispers of bribes made it his way soon enough, and still he vowed not to take them. hard, honest work, he figured, he foolishly hoped, would rise him through the ranks, would get him that detective badge he desperately wanted. as if it was the only thing that could serve as proof he was not – and never would be again – his father.

– [ actions taken ]

noeul worked hard.

that was it, and it got him no where.

nearly three years later, he was still viewed as a rookie, still given tasks to patrol the streets and not much more. it’s always been hard to climb the ranks playing fair in this city, after all, but that didn’t make the feeling of defeat discourage him any less. but in some ways, it helped him understand his father. helped him understand why he did it. why he caved, why he drank. and on occasion, he considered it himself. just small bribes, maybe. from one-time offenders, people who truly didn’t mean to, who didn’t affect the city at large.

but he never could.

so when the opportunity came for him to go undercover and infiltrate the dealings around the afterlife and ambrosia, he took it. he saw it as a turning point, a stepping stone to get him at least one rung up the ladder.

there was one problem: goeul.

but then at seventeen, his sister insisted she’d be fine living on her own. that he shouldn’t give this opportunity up on account of her, that he’d sacrificed enough for her already. he hated that he’d be on the complete other side of the city away from her, in an area that didn’t know his name, his face – but in the end, he caved. he needed to.

now, he’s been undercover for a few months, slowly making acquaintances with people he ought to arrest. he knew to begin with it’d make him feel dirty, but he didn’t anticipate everything else. didn’t anticipate the aggressive urges he bottled back up after that shameful night in his teenage years to slowly bubble again in his blood and clench his fists. didn’t anticipate just how hard it would be to resist temptation when living right in the dirty thick of elysium.  

[miniwixoide]

survee =)

Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? no!! How many true heart breaks have you had in your lifetime? like two Who last grabbed your ass? cartoon pirate

Do you get a ‘Good Morning’ text from someone every day? no

Do you have any gay family members? not that i know of Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? eva B Do you feel like everything is falling apart around you? i mean yeah on a larger scale Was your first kiss romantic? not romantic just really cute and friendly Do you know anybody whose last name is a color? yes What are you most likely to go to jail for? drug stuff Do you ever feel like life is going by too fast? yes Who was the last person to sleep over at your house? lena Is there someone that always intimidates you? kind of :/ its dumb Have you ever liked anyone that was in a relationship with someone else? yeah Would you ever get a boob job? i fantasize about it but no Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? idk both? Do you ever ignore texts from some people? yeah Have you ever tried to break up anyone because YOU liked the guy/girl? no!!! When is the last time you felt left out? idk recently When was the last time you flirted with someone? today Yellowcard vs Straylight Run, pick: idk anything about them sooo What would you think if you found out your ex was gay? i don’t really know.. it would feel weird Would you ever take someone back if you found out they cheated on you? lol. i have but never again What does your last text message say? too personal to say :p What color is your hair right now? dark brown Do people ever compliment your eyes? yeah Have you ever lied to your boyfriend/girlfriend? i don’t think so but maybe Do people ever tell you that you’re funny? yess :) Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? yes because its a fucked up industry not because i’d be jealous How many people has your best friend had sex with? i don’t know What’s the last song you listened to? happy by 2ne1 loooollll Who’s the last person that hung up on you? angry man calling at my workplace Are you a bitch? sometimes Four days from now, will you have sex? (bgc judy maybe so gif) Do you look intimidating? i’ve been told that but i don,t feel that way What does your second to last text say? can,t whip out my phone right now bosses are watchingg :/ What makes you laugh? so many things :D What were you most looking forward to today? yoga class How is your hair? side pompom ponytail What are your initials? MDG What’s your biggest fear? nuclear war Look outside how’s the weather? very cold :( and cloudy Did you ever think someone didn’t like you, but come to find out they really did? yes!!! When was the last time you had a conversation with an ex? i don’t remember Are you worried about anything right now? not really How do you think tomorrow will be? good, relaxing :) fun Do you wish you could take one thing back? yeah Is there a guy who knows everything or almost everything about you? no If you could pack your bags right now and were given a plane ticket, where do you go? japan....... Have you ever given anyone more than three chances? LOL yes im How far away are you from the person you have feelings for? i don’t really have feelings for anyone but like 20km Your last ex calls wanting to hangout, what do you say? no Where were you at 2 this morning? in my bed talking on the foam Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name started with a K? yeah Have you accidentally sent a text to the wrong person? like once..... im a capricorn Last time you were TOTALLY happy? are we ever...... Could you go the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? probably not Ever given your all to someone who walked away? not my all but almost Have you ever done your makeup in class? yes Is there anything currently hurting on your body? yes How old were you when you stopped sleeping with a night light? i don’t remember Ever kissed someone with green eyes? yes Are you a jealous person? not really....sometimes i get jealous but it doesnt last When you are home alone, do you still close the door when you shower? no Are you mad at anyone right now? no Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? reasonable Is there anyone you wish you could be spending time with right now? yeah Have you held hands with anyone in the past 30 hours? no Do you have a friend named Ashley? no How often do you sleep in? like once a week at most Will you be in a relationship next month? probably not Do you stay up later than ten o’clock on a week night? yes Who’s the last person you told a secret to? sophie Have you met someone in the last year who turned out to be amazing? yeah :) new friends!! Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? mayyyybe :P Do you miss anyone? yeah Would you rather have big or small dogs? medium size Will you cry tonight? mayyybe Do you have respect for people even if you don’t like them? depends :P What’s one fruit you love in drinks? raspberry! What was the most people you ever tripped in front of? i don’t know hahaha Have you ever tried wine? yes Can heartbreak happen all at once, or over a long period of time? both In your life, do you plan on visiting other countries? well yeah Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? no. Is there an ex you want to make up with? no Do you take compliments well? yes :)

Does cuddling freak you out? no unless it’s likeee someone i’m uncomfortable with in the first place How much time do you take to get ready in the morning? 15-20mins Do you love where you live? yeah :) What do you label yourself as? labels are for soup cans :) Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? idk !!! Will your next kiss be drunk or sober? only time will tell Are you a mean person? i don,t think so Do you wear high heels everyday? hell no Do you fall asleep texting every night? no Are you an aunt or an uncle? no Were you texting someone right before you fell asleep last night? no Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today? How many? yes i don’t remember Name someone who made you smile today? sophie Are you happy? yes :) Are you an alcoholic? no Can you go a day without thinking about the person that’s on your mind now? these days no..... Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? absolutely i plan to Does anyone know every little detail about you? no Does it bother you when someone lies to you? well duh What’s one thing you really want right now? many things :p Who all do you have texts from in your phone? a bunch of people Who do you trust most as of now? I like to think myself, but I don’t even know if I trust myself right now.

^^^ oh shit Who was the last person you took a picture with? melissa Do you have a younger sister? no Did anything “cute” happen today? yeah every time i saw my cute face in a mirror Are you wearing shoes right now? yes Have you ever just laid outside and looked at the stars? yeah :) Do feet gross you out? not really unless they’re gross Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? not really no Do you smile everyday? yes :) Who are you more like, mom or dad? MOM !!!!! Could you date someone shorter than you? yep Where do you wish you were right now? somewhere cushy :) Have a crazy side? LOL? Something you do a lot? werk Angry at anyone? no Describe your life in one word? life :p Who was the last person who gave you a hug? roommate What is your natural hair color? brown How many people have you kissed? can’t be bothered counting

How many of those did you make out with? can’t be bothered counting Ever kissed someone you weren’t dating at the time? yes Ever kissed someone you’d met less than an hour before? yes Of the people you’ve kissed, how many do you regret kissing? right now none cuz it doesnt matter, but a few of them ive regretted right after Were any of them in relationships with someone else at the time? yeah he told me that afterwards :( How old was the oldest person you’ve kissed? 39 How young was the youngest person you’ve kissed? she was like 14 (i was 15) Ever been kissed by a legal adult when you were a minor (or vise-versa)? yep Ever been kissed by someone you didn’t want to kiss? yes Ever been walked in on while you were making out with someone? i think so By your parents?: don’t think so Weirdest place you’ve kissed someone? (geographically, not physically) underwater in the pool and i choked to death Ever kissed someone and had someone else get really mad about it? uhhhh not that i can recall no Ever stopped kissing someone because they had bad breath? EWWW yeah :c Ever not known the name of someone you kissed? yeah Ever kissed someone on a dare/as part of a game? yeah Kissed someone you didn’t really like just to make someone else jealous? no Ever had a really horrible kissing experience? not really Ever been called a bad kisser? no !!! Ever called someone else a bad kisser? no Where’s the most public place you’ve ever made out with someone? the street, the subway, idk Where’s the most private place you’ve ever made out with someone? bathroom Ever kissed some out of pity just so they would stop badgering you? yep :( Ever kissed someone just to forget about someone else? yeah Ever thought of someone else while you were kissing someone? yeah Do you usually kiss on the first date? not usually but it happened