#lobo is not evil but hes not nice either

[venomgaia]

lobo the drow druid and his quest to befriend every evil/morally ambiguous npc as part of a tactical alliance

[auniverseforgotten]

for ask game: Salieri because I like hearing you talk about him

YESSSS TYSM FOR ASKING ABOUT MY BRAINROT BOI

Ask game here if anyone wants it/wants to send any in!

My NOTP for them 

Honestlyyyy most things I can think of that would be a NOTP are just things that honestly don't make sense? Like for example, B.B. or Kiara would be NOTPs from hell for them but also. Would not ever happen. XD

I guuueessss a realistic NOTP would be just Salieri/Marie; while Salieri/Mozart/Marie is alright as a poly ship I still don't fully. Get why Salieri is Like that with Marie, maybe it's his court manners kicking in, or the fact that she's his historical bestie's little sister? Either way, I don't really like their dynamic as just the two of them, I feel like it cuts away too much of Salieri's characterization.

My BROTP for them

I have a few!!

I think Salieri would get along reasonably well with Sanson and d'Eon, though they would be a lesser BROTP for me; they're friends but they don't seek each other out to vibe?

BUT THE AVENGERS. A massive BROTP with the avengers sorry not sorry I love the avengers of Chaldea just being friends and clowning on each other all the time. Especially close ones would be Jalter, Dantes, and Hessian and Lobo. BUT they should all be friends. Except maybe not Angra Mainyu sorry my guy I just don't like you unu

I do also think Salieri and Phantom could be a good BROTP once they. Sit down and have an Intense Discussion about their differing wavelengths. Composing operas together,,,,yessssssssss,,,,,

He also just Inherits a BROTP with Moriarty bcus he's already friends with three of the Shinjuku peeps so Moriarty's like aight ur chill wanna vibe and definitely not be evil together?

OH ALSO HAD TO COME BACK UP HERE but huuuuuuuge BROTP of him and Andersen being snarky bitchy besties. They spill SO MUCH TEA and they know EVERYTHING they can and WILL judge you.

My OTP for them 

OKAY WELL.

Salieri/Mozart is one of the ships I developed prior to ever playing by my friend Wolfie pouring them and their story into my brain so that is the OG OTP I developed for him.

But ALSO before I played the game I found Sabu's art of Dantes, Jalter, and Salieri all just vibing together and I am always a multishipper AND a polyshipper so,,,,Avenger Agenda also. Like look at this, more Sabu art, fucking iconic.

My second choice pairing for them 

From out of fuckin NOWHERE my second level OTP for Salieri is probably Salieri/Erik, the Phantom of the Opera! A lot of this is Wolfie's fault I caught this from HER but anyway both of them being Innocent Monsters in REALLY similar ways [twisted by rumor vs model of a character], I feel like they could talk and help each other so much,,,,they do have to get past Salieri's vibe check but once they do. It works great.

My fluffy pairing for them

Probably Hessian/Salieri! I want Hessian to have soft nice things and Salieri to have soft nice things and they CAN GIVE EACH OTHER SOFT NICE THINGS and also there is a. GIANT PUPPY. THIS SHIP GIVES SALIERI. GIANT PUPPY ACCESS!!!!!!! "Lobo hates all humans" shh hush shut up I do not See it.

My angsty pairing for them 

HONESTLY. I can make fucking everything angsty for this man. Angst is my character love language I put this boy through the WRINGER just ask Sabu they're the one who gets all my unhinged Salieri thoughts now.

SO my angstiest ship for Salieri is Salieri/Mozart; the fact that Salieri canonically hates AND loves Mozart is juicy enough, but also I can make that so much worse, SO MUCH WORSE, I tear these two to SHREDS in my head and they try to put each other back together with tears and closeness and I am so mean and vicious to them but it is how I show LOVE. I've written. A lot of fics, some out but most WIPs of these two and my current long one. I inflict so much upon Mozart and Salieri just has to watch it happen and I. I love them.

My favorite poly ship for them 

AVENGER AGENDAAAAAA Salieri/Dantes/Jalter supremacyyyyyyyyyyy LOOK AT MORE ART SABU HAS DONE OF THEM they're just,,,so good,,,,my favorite setup for these three is Jalter and Dantes being together prior and meeting Salieri and Salieri just. Misses ALL of their hints and flirting until someone [usually a cackling Mozart] points it out.

My weirdest pairing for them

Hmmmmm well most ships I have with Salieri have been drawn and written about a fair amount, but Erik/Salieri hasn't much if at all dxcfvghb if we go into fanservant territory, Joseph II/Salieri would be interesting but I'm not sure if it would wind up weird or popular if the servant Actually existed.

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ASK TEA AAAAAA THIS WAS SO FUN

[gemwing1988]

Anubis TV Tropes

Warning, spoilers for those who have not read the Cuphead fanfiction, Heart, Soul & Mind. Read spoilers about this character at your own risk. Please enjoy. Profile picture is done by @akluthor1998.

A sinister and shadowy anthropomorphic jackal, who is one of the main antagonists of Heart, Soul & Mind. His backstory is still a mystery but he is said to be the Devil’s top bounty hunter, a dimensional traveller and a Shadowbender.

Abhorrent Admirer: He is this to Natty.

Animalistic Abomination:

And Now, You Must Marry Me: Much like the Devil towards Katie and King Dice with Lexie, Anubis is bent on making Natty his bride.

Ax-Crazy:

Baddie Flattery: No matter what the insults the girls, mainly Natty, throws at him, Anubis will brush them off and take them as a compliment.

Because I’m Good At It:

Berserk Button: Being purely a jackal, he hates being called either a wolf or a hyena. He’s also most easily ticked off you were to call him a coyote or even a dingo.

Big Bad Wolf: Okay, a jackal actually, but he’s still a bad guy with a terrifyingly wolfish Slasher Smile and he’s out to get the heroes.

Black Cloak: Since he doesn’t get introduced until Chapter 18, he is shown in a hooded cloak and is known as just “the figure” during Natty’s capture on Isle 2.

Bounty Hunter: The Devil’s top one at that. Straight up.

Bullying a Dragon:

Casanova Wannabe:

Casting a Shadow: As a Shadowbender, he can control and manipulate shadows, transform into a shadowy monstrosity and teleport via his own shadow.

Co-Dragons: Dice might be the Devil’s right hand man, Anubis is still the Devil’s most active and dangerous Bounty Hunter.

Dark is Evil: He’s a Shadowbender with a dark sense of humour and just as dark personality, he’s purely villainous. Not to mention he’s an anthropomorphic jackal with dark fur black as his heart.

Determinator: As a Bounty Hunter, once he is given a job to hunt you down, nothing can stop him. No matter what the obstacle or how far ahead you think you are, Anubis always gets his man. And it’s obvious that nothing will stop him from making Natty his wife either.

Dimensional Traveler:

Even Bad Men Love Their Mamas: Anubis mentioned about his mother had wanted to name him after the Egyptian God of Death and he honoured her wish by accepting it.

Expy:

It’s agreed between the authoresses that he’d be this to The Wolf/El Lobo/Death from Puss In Boots: The Last Wish.

He is also intended to be one to Dennis the mercenary hired by Plankton from SpongeBob Squarepants: The Movie.

Fingerless Gloves:

Gratuitous Spanish: Is he ever! Hardcore Boast:

Hardcore Long Coat: He wears a long sleeveless trench coat and is a dangerous Bounty Hunter.

Heck is That Noise: He alerts the heroes of his presence by whistling an eerie tune in his full debut in Chapter 18: Shadows Bending and Dragons Ascending.

The Heck With This! I’m Outta Here!:

I Have You Now, My Pretty: Much like the Devil and King Dice with Katie and Lexie, Anubis, likes having Natty right he wants her and is determined to keep her all to himself.

I Love You Because I Can’t Control You: Anubis is most alluded to Natty not just because of her beauty but also by her feistiness and witty comebacks.

Irony: He is a jackal who speaks in Spanish yet his name is Egyptian. Although there’s a reason why as he stated his mother wanted to name him after the Egyptian God of Death.

Karmic Butt-Monkey: Nowhere near the extent of King Dice but Anubis still suffers this treatment whenever his attempts to capture the Dreamstones and the Cup Brothers and making Natty his bride are thwarted. And you can be sure the Dreamstones are bound to deliver some painful servings of karma on him in two seconds flat.

Laser-Guided Karma:

Named After Someone Famous: He stated that his mother had actually liked the name “Anubis” and wanted to name her son after the Egyptian God of Death.

Nice Job Fixing It, Villain:

Oh, Crud!: His reaction when Katie first transforms into her dragon from to save Natty from his clutches and right before she beats the stuffing out of him.

Psycho For Hire:

Psychopathic Smirk: Basically his default expression before he breaks out into a terrifying Slasher Smile when things get serious.

The Rival:

To Katie.

Would sometimes alternate to Lexie.

He’s also this to Andy fighting for Natty’s affections.

Savage Wolf: A jackal rather than a wolf but still just as savage.

Sinister Scythe: His primary weapon.

Skunk Stripe: He has a red streak in his fur.

Slasher Smile: Anubis is specially fond of giving one of these out whenever he can. Mostly when he’s lusting for Natty or when he corners his prey.

Sleeves Are For Wimps: His trench coat is sleeveless to make room for pieces of armour to cover most of his arms and shoulders.

Smug Snake: A trait he shares with the Devil and Dice. He is a shady character and a dangerous Bounty Hunter (and proud of it!), who is just as arrogant, smug and overly confident that no alive had ever eluded him… until he met the Dreamstones and the Cup Brothers that is.

Stalker With a Crush: Much like the Devil with Katie and King Dice towards Lexie, Anubis has a Villainous Crush on Natty and will often hound and try to kidnap her.

Tempting Fate:

Those Two Bad Guys: Sometimes hangs out with Dice whenever they scheme to sabotage Lexie and Natty’s double date with Liam and Andrew and steal them away in Season 2.

Too Dumb to Live: Oh yeah, good idea, Anubis. Keep on trying to kidnap and marry Natty while taunting her friends and keep pushing Katie’s Berserk Button until she goes through a case of Big Sister Instincts and beats the mess out of you.

Undying Loyalty: Whether it’s the one from the game or the cartoon, the Devil’s the Devil and Anubis is fiercely loyal to him.

Villainous Crush: On Natty:

Vitriolic Best Buds: A bit of a stretch of them being best friends but Anubis and King Dice do often tolerate one another and are more than happy to team up in an attempt to capture and marry Lexie and Natty. Although they’re still not above bickering and insulting one another every now and then.

Would Hit a Girl: Anubis has zero qualms on picking fights with three young women. And he would go after any prey, whether they’d be a man or a woman.

Would Hurt a Child: If him kidnapping and holding Cuphead hostage in his introduction in Chapter 18: Shadows Bending and Dragons Ascending is of any indication.

[forthemultiverse]

Could Halo Be A Mole?

Young Justice Season One has given me serious trust issues – and Season Two didn’t do anything to fix that: Kaldur, Jaime, Lex at the end of the season, etc, but anyway, I just don’t buy Terra as being this season’s big betrayal. The Judas Contract is so well known at this point that even if they didn’t show us, we would’ve all know she was with Slade. Dr Jace is a pretty good candidate for a later betrayal, but that wasn’t subtle either; the fact she was technically working with Bedlam at the start of the season, taking Halo's DNA, wanting to be with the kids so much, and the mentioning of her lost child.

I started to think about the Young Justice on Apokolips story in the comics, and, well Greta Hayes has a biggish role, yet in Earth-16, she's be shown as just a ghost. Obviously, the show isn’t comics accurate and they could completely leave this aspect of the story out, but that didn’t stop me from falling down a research rabbit hole, and now, I reckon Halo could potentially be the twist betrayal of the Season following a storyline that takes moments from Greta’s.

There were a few things that drew me to Halo when thinking about a mole,

S3E1 – she let the assassins in, she’s shocked and taken captive which implies it’s an accident, but the guy who actually killed them was a suicide killer. Bedlam used him then killed him and she could be in the same situation. The Wiki said she had a job and was just afraid of the guards, which is why she was hiding but I do not buy that. It looked like she was trying to steal something in that scene.

Her memory problems, why create a character with no memories and then have those memories mean literally nothing? I’m waiting for them all to come back and for there to be some big bombshell in them.

The New Genesis/Apokolips connection formed by making her part Motherbox

The comment Silas Stone made about how technology can be neither good nor bad, it’s the user that’s responsible (I’ll come back to this point).

The Scene in Triptych after Halo goes Dues Ex Machina white and gets Brion back off Shade, well, the way Forager says ‘Halo happened’ wasn’t happy, it sounded like he was concerned/scared, like there was a ‘…’ at the end of the sentence. Brion and Halo smiled at each other which caused Forager to smile too, but considering he’s the one from New Genesis, if he’s worried, I’m going to be a little worried too.

Conner literally says, ‘we can’t let a girl in with no memories, she might be brainwashed or soemthing and we don’t want another Red Arrow situation’

Finally, more of a random thought I had, The Judas Contract has; a Markovian Royal, a relationship, and betrayal, so, what if, instead of the royal betraying the person who’s romantically interested in them (Terra and Gar), it’s the royal that gets betrayed by his girlfriend (Brion and Halo). It fits well since Perdita/Gardita is there and there doesn’t seem to be a reason to break them up. After working out those things, I started to research things that could be similar between Greta/Secret and Halo – by the way, I’m gonna refer to her as Halo because…well her ‘human’ name changes.

Some Similarities: Can’t remember their lives before their superhero ones, rescued by then joined teams, have powers connected to life and death, and have been separated from their powers at the end of their stories before (or well, Halo’s become two beings, one human and one super)

Not relevant to the story but I thought it was a nice coincidence: Greta went by Suzie because when the YJ girls were talking about getting her a name, Cissie suggests using one of hers (Suzanne) and on Earth-16, she gets dubbed Violet by Brion and then takes Harper from Will Harper – they both get their names from their new friends.

Now, details from the YJ Darkseid comic story: The team ended up on Apokolips (due to some things to do with fighting on earth) and Tower of Babel had just happened which lead to mistrust in Tim, who was the leader at the time. 

While The Team is mentally tortured, Greta is taken to speak to Darkseid, who reveals her backstory and real name. He offers to be her mentor. The team escape with the help of an army of Lobo's, she doesn't tell them anything other than her real name.    

Later on, the team says no to rescuing her dad (he killed her brother so’s in jail) She does it anyway and goes into a fit of rage, vanishes to accept Darkseid's offer.

The team prepare to go against her as she starts absorbing life (I think that's what she does, I can't remember, she's doing something bad that I'm pretty sure is killing a lot of things) Tim talks her down and appeals to the good in her. She breaks down crying and fixes everything she did.

Darkseid punishes her by taking away all her powers and immortality, not realising that being normal is all Greta ever wanted to be.

Not sure where in the timeline this bit is: Greta's dad is possessed by her brother when she saves him, and he chucks them both into a fire, seemingly killing them both, and I think that's when Greta goes to Apokolips and the team are told to take her betrayal as a lesson by their mentor (Snapper Carr - the guys who’s at M’gann and Conners house all the time)

Season Three is about the Anti-Life Equation and Meta-Human Trafficking, so this type of betrayal storyline doesn’t have to happen, but like I said earlier, trust issues, so hear me out. I don’t think Halo is secretly evil or anything, but you have to consider the Motherbox of it all, because that is connected to the Anti-Life Equation, and being part Motherbox is going to have some kind of effect on Halo’s character arc/morals.

Things To Know About Motherboxes

New Genesis-based, and though the people who created them are known, their true nature and origin aren’t.

Provide user with unconditional love, to the point they self-destruct when the owner dies (NOT MAKING THIS BIT UP) and can only be made by beings of New Genesis and Apokolips

Who is the owner Halo’s Motherbox since she’s died multiple times and it’s not blown up. A few people have Motherboxes – like Orion (Darkseid’s son) who is the defender of New Genesis, and in the past, DS has switched his box to try and control him.

Coming back to that Silas comment, tech isn’t good or evil, it’s the user, well who is her user???

A Motherbox saved Darkseid after he was defeated by Doomsday

Get their powers from life-giving sources

Fatherboxes: Apokolips based, can bring people under Darkseid’s influence, get their power from the Anti-Life Equation

 So, Victor keeps going bad because of the Fatherbox, but the Motherbox makes him good? Surely that could be a two-way thing, and Motherboxes could go bad?

And here’s what I think could happen in Season Three B,

We’ve been shown Bart going through an enemy boom tube in the trailer, and considering Granny Goodness is a Darkseid Agent, we can predict that he ends up on Apokolips (I could go into detail about Bart’s fear of dying that caused him to retire for a bit in the comics but not relevant). If he, and the meta’s with him, need rescuing, Halo could end up on Apokolips too. While others are captured, she comes face to face with Darkseid, who gives her memories of her old life and offers her a place on his side. Whether she says yes or no doesn’t really matter, because she can now be crashing into an identity crisis or having to fight ‘Halo’/Motherbox for control of her body. Her Motherbox could also be corrupted by Darkseid during this conversation, something slipped on her arm, in a drink, just his mind entering the boxes.

Darkseid could be using her Motherbox to spy on the team without Halo even knowing, all Roy Season One, or she could just eventually give in and let the Motherbox take control of her. Once losing control she becomes a minion of Darkseid and the team now need to find a way to separate her.

(Angst on how people feel as not everyone realises she’s being controlled at first and just thinks he betrayed them)

To separate Halo from the Motherbox, it could go very Greta like, the team get a breakthrough with her and Darkseid punishes her by stripping the Motherbox side of her, leaving her normal. I’d kinda like that? Maybe? Because she’d get to be happy and live a normal life, she could still return to the Team eventually, using technology like Rockets (Yes I lowkey want Rocket to get to mentor someone just so she can be back in the story a little lol)

Another option is Dr Helga Jace. I already mentioned that she seemed shady, and she really does, she gets even shadier when you research her.

CW Black Lightning has her as a character: involved with illegal experiments, lost rights to see her child, made an anti-ageing serum for Tobias Whale (remember when I mentioned him in Halo research earlier?? – he’s with Intergang by the way, the people who had a Fatherbox in Season Two)

Prime Earth: she’s neither good or evil, appeared in Suicide Squad comics, the team that Halo joined.

New Earth: Royal Markovian Scientist, secretly a member of the Manhunter Cult, installed a psychic control on Metamorpho  before using him to attack the Outsiders, helped Halo get her memories back.

Now, that mention of psychic control made me think back to Halo in Prime Earth…she was being mind controlled by the Kobra Cult…huh. The reason she got free of the mind control was because a scientist double-crossed the Kobra Cult. HUH.

And Tobias Whale…a Black Lightning villain…who hired Syonide to kill Halo and her parents…

Pause to explain why this little bit is important, sorry for all the info dumping, Syonide isn’t some super prominent assassin in the DC Universe, but she killed Violet Harper, her parents, and she was sent to kill a Russian Scientist that Phantom Lady was protecting (I promise this could actually be relevant). Obviously, Dr Jace isn’t Russian, she’s Markovian, but considering that scientist doesn’t even have a name, I don’t think it’s that much of a problem if she took his place. Reason why this could actually be important, one it connects another scientist to Halo, but also, Phantom Lady was going to lose, Syonide had teamed up with Merlyn to kill this person, and WALLY WEST FLASH saved them.

So, I think Dr Jace is shady, research points that she probably is, but after she’s revealed to have still been dabbling in meta-human experiments, she could bargain with the Team. They need her as an insider to save Halo. She double-crossed the bad guys to get Halo back in control of herself (like the scientist who did it in the Kobra Cult story) and when Darkseid comes to get her, the Team, specifically Dick, Artemis, and Conner, are in charge of protecting her, they start to get a little overwhelmed and started talking about how much easier it used to be and how much they miss their old team, and boom, Wally has a lightning rod to come back from the speed force to help them. Happy Reunion and Halo’s no longer evil. Wooo. That last bit’s just a hope because I miss Wally, but I stand by Dr Jace being key to helping the team while still being morally grey. Plus, if she gets Halo back to normal pretty quickly, Halo could then be a spy for the team, a way to get one over on Darkseid.

Terra gets her Slade plot, but it could play out as an upward arc: she’s betraying them of her own choice and regrets it so bad once she gets to know everyone. She comes to their side, everyone thinks they’re in the clear because they’ve got the mole! Then Halo’s revealed to be with Darkseid. It would be such a good twist and the set-up is there.

Let me know what you think of this theory! (Doubt anyone’s actually gonna read it all but I had to get it all down lmao)

Anyway: Here’s my insanity board though I doubt it’s good enough quality to really be read

[sebeth]

Young Justice: The Return (Animation)

In an earlier post, I wrote my thoughts on the upcoming return of the Young Justice comic book. Now it’s time for the cartoon series.

I’ve tried to avoid most interviews but I have seen the promo images and watched the two trailers repeatedly.  I like to go in as spoiler-free as possible when watching/reading media but I only have so much self-control.

Let’s start with the main plot –

There will be a time jump between season 2 and 3 – we’re just not sure of the exact length.  

The formation of the Outsiders, along with the rescue of Terra, will be the main arc of season three.

Dick reunites with Conner and Artemis in the beginning of the season for “one last mission”.  Black Lightning accompanies the trio to Markovia to shut down the metahuman trafficking ring.  Why?  Besides the fact that human trafficking is bad.  Black Lightning has no previous connection to Young Justice but he has long-standing connections to Batman.

Has Batman already formed the Outsiders minus Geo-Force and Halo?  We briefly see Batman, Katana, and Metamorpho jump from a plane and later brawl with Deathstroke.  Batman formed the group in the comics - it would make sense for him to be behind the group’s organization in the cartoons.  A covert group for more adult missions he wouldn’t want the Young Justice children to participate in.

I’m guessing the Markovia mission reveals the metahuman trafficking ring is way more extensive than previously thought – leading Dick to reunite with - and resume leadership – of Young Justice.

The Light and the Reach experimenting with metahuman activation began in season two.  Per Wonder Woman, the Justice League “have confirmation that on multiple worlds, earth’s metahumans are being deployed by the enemy as weapons of mass destruction.”

Wonder Woman’s comment suggests the abducted metahumans are being subjected to brainwashing along with experimentation.  I highly doubt the newly activated metahumans would rampage across the universe without mind control directing their actions.

The “multiple worlds” comment ties together Bart’s “we have a mission in space” with the glimpses of the New Gods, Superboy’s brawl with Lobo, and Dick and Conner fighting Sensei/Silver Monkey on a foreign world.

New Genesis might be one of the world’s affected by the “metahumans of mass destruction”, Lobo could have been hired by the Light, and Sensei/Silver Monkey is guarding one of Ra’s Al Ghul’s headquarters.

On to the characters:

First up, the Outsiders –

Geo-Force, Katana, Halo, Metamorpho, Black Lightning

Terra

The Markov Royal Family

As I said above, I’m fairly confident Batman has already formed the Outsiders before the beginning of the season.  Possibly as a true “covert” group – as in without the Justice League’s knowledge or permission.

Young Justice was told they were a “covert” group by the Justice League but mostly it was a “training wheels” type group – smaller missions while being trained by the more experienced heroes.  They did covert missions but were still in the press and public’s eyes.

The Outsiders will be the true covert group – sticking to the shadows, away from the press, down and dirty missions, etc.

As for the individual Outsiders:

Geo-Force - Brion is an adorable big brother.  Noble, protective, eager to find his sister and stop the bad guys.  Visually his powers should be awesome – they are similar to Terra’s.

Terra – Not a member of the Outsiders but I wanted to include her with Brion.  The big question: will Terra be a villain?  I’m guessing “yes”.  Comic cannon dooms her to this fate.  I do believe it will be the result of the Light’s brainwashing instead of the general “evil” nature.  Possibly making her a tragic villain.  Will Deathstroke be involved with Terra’s brainwashing?  Comic cannon says “yes”.  Could Batman, Metamorpho, and Katana storm the island looking for Terra?  Is that why the Outsiders end up fighting Deathstroke?

Black Lightning – Jeff appears serious and mature.  Love his visual design.  Can’t wait to see him in costume.

Metamorpho – We only have a visual impression.  Very nice. I wonder if we’ll see Sapphire or Simon Stagg?  Rex will be the one who gives Deathstroke the most trouble in the upcoming fight.

Katana – Not much to go on yet except visually.  Katana’s design reminds me of a more adult version of her DC Girls attire.  Excited to see her in action.

Halo – Will be entirely different from the comics.  She is a person of color and possibly Muslim?  Let’s skip all the drama and hatred over the race change.  Please?!  She’s seems to be a new character.  I highly doubt her name is going to be “Violet Harper”.  For those unfamiliar with Halo, she wasn’t a great character.  Apologies to Halo fans.  Violet was a sociopath who was murdered by the 100, a criminal organization.  Aurakle, an alien entity, merged with Violet’s deceased body.  The “resurrection” caused amnesia.  It gets more complicated from there.  Let’s agree to start fresh and give the new Halo a chance.  Halo’s powers are light-based – different colors have different effects.  Halo’s colors were the same ones used by every color Lantern corps.  However, Halo predated the emotional spectrum Lantern corps by twenty years.  I’m betting Halo receives her powers in the cartoon due to the Light’s genetic manipulation. The one thing I would like to see carry over from the comic books is the maternal/big sister role Katana has in Halo’s life.

On to the Young Justice newbies:

Spoiler – I’m excited – I love Stephanie.  She had a brief cameo in Season Two.  How and why did she join the team? Is she involved with Tim?  Will this cause friction with Cassie?  I hope not as I would love to see Steph and Cassie bond. Cassie is very exuberant in the cartoon and Steph has the same approach to life – I would love to see the two become close friends.

Arrowette – A surprise choice since we already have Artemis, Roy, and clone Roy in the series.  Glad to see her as she was a prominent member/supporting character in the comic book series.  Will she develop a close friendship with Cassie and Bart?  Those were her two besties in the comics.

Thirteen/Traci 13 – Another surprise choice. Traci can easily step into the void Zatana left when she joined the Justice League.  Will Traci have a romance with Blue Beetle?  They were a cute couple in the pre-New 52 era.

Oracle – Not a true new character but Barbara has clearly been through some changes since season two. Will we see a Killing Joke flashback? Or did Babs become Oracle in a different way?

Static – Like Oracle, Static is a returning character but with an upgrade.  The writers seem to love electricity this season – we have Static, Black Lighting, and Live Wire also makes an appearance in the trailer.

Notable absences:

Miss Martian – I won’t miss M’gann if she’s absent this season.  She started out cute in season one, became creepy with the Conner-molding, and became worse in season two with the unrepentant mind-frying and toying with Lagoon Boy.  So no thank you unless Miss Martian has learned from her mistakes and expresses honest regret over her actions. Feeling bad for mind-frying Kaldur does not count as honest regret.  M’ganns the easiest case for a “hero goes bad” if the show writers wanted to go that route.

Aqualad, Lagoon Boy, Aquaman, etc – Atlantis has had zero representation in either trailer.  Did something happen to Atlantis during the time jump?  Will that be one of the mysteries during the season?

Miscellaneous thoughts on the upcoming season:

We are all but guaranteed a fourth and fifth season of Young Justice.  We know it’s going to be one of the heavyweights of the DC Universe streaming service so I don’t want various plotlines rushed.

Season Three will have 26 episodes.  The majority will focus on the Outsiders and the metahuman trafficking ring alongside a “mission in space”.    That leaves room for some “done in one” episodes or time for the development of various subplots.

The two big questions on fan’s minds: Will we see the return of Wally West or the debut of the Red Hood?

I would bet Wally’s return will be near the end of the season.  The writers will want a “wow” ending for the season finale and that would be it.

As for Red Hood…I feel it’s a strong possibility.  I don’t think the writers would have had Jason’s memorial hologram if they didn’t have any intention of using the Red Hood.

The writers could have Red Hood’s debut be similar to Jason’s appearance in the Teen Titans comics:  Jason attacks Tim, and leaves the “Jason Todd/Red Hood Was Here” message on the walls.  I’m not sure if the writers want to redo the entire “Under The Red Hood” storyline.  At this point, it’s been done in the comic books, an animated movie, and a video game – most fans are familiar with the details by this point.  Jason’s attack on Tim would allow Dick to fill in the rest of the team on the details of Jason’s resurrection.  Dick has been keeping his distance from the team as indicated by his “one last mission” line.  Dick’s distance would easily explain why the rest of the team is unaware of Jason’s return. Tim wouldn’t explain “Gotham business” to his teammates – he’s much more introverted and was way more intent on respecting Batman-imposed boundaries than Dick.

A developing friendship between Arsenal-Roy and Jason is a must.  Not only because of the “Outlaws” comic book but because it’s a natural development between two traumatized boys prone to lashing out.

What I Don’t Want:

A Conner-M’gann relationship – The pairing started cute but is now toxic.  Creepy molding combined with mind manipulation = abuse.

No Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Starfire, Cyborg, or Raven.  At least not this season.  We have multiple new characters debuting this season, new characters who didn’t receive much focus last season, and a possibly debuting Red Hood. The seating capacity is full – no new debuts until season four.

I’ve rambled enough for now – so excited for January!

[acaddicts]

Meet your Admins!

**Not all admins are pictured above**

>Click their title/name to see their posts on our page<

Head Admin: @sunflowercrosser 

Name: Amy-Louise

Nickname: Ames, Amylou, "Queen"

Age: 20 Birthday: 24th November Timezone: BST (GMT in Winter) • Best Available: after 5pm Fave Villager/NPC: Rosie|Phylis Fave AC Game: New Leaf About Me: I am a full time carer at the moment. Originally a secretary. I have a puppy called Sox. I am a devoted auntie, and love spending time with my family. Originally from Northern Ireland. Suffer with several chronic illnesses.

Co-Head Admin:

🌿 Name: Eliana 💕 ✨ Nickname: Eli, El 🌿 Age: 18 😱 ✨ Birthday: July 2nd 🌿 Timezone: EST (I think EDT in winter??) ✨ Best Availability: I’m active 90% of the time if I’m not in school or at work 🌿 Fave Villager/NPC: L O B O npc is Sable ✨ Fave AC Game: Honestly New Leaf it’s really great 🌿 A little about you: I am a mother to a chinchilla, I like to play guitar, I’m a huge sims fan, did I mention my chinchilla? And I love everyone here so much💕

Head Artist:

• Name : Cynthia • Nickname : Anakya • Age : 23 • Birthday : February 5 • Timezone : Est • Best Availability : Night • Fave Villager/NPC : Spork • Fave AC Game : New Leaf • A little about you : Im Canadian french. Im a big fan of plushies I think I have an obsession with plushes. Im a big gamer, if I have some free times im probably drawing or playing pc or ps4.

Head Security: @wickedwitchofacnl

• Name: Michelle • Nickname: Mish, mama Mish • Age: 24 • Birthday: October 1st • Timezone: EST • Best Availability: Pretty much at any time, except between midnight and 7 AM • Fave Villager/NPC: Skye • Fave AC Game: ACNL • A little about you: I am a mom of 2.5, I like to be outside and write. I hope one day to become an L&D nurse, or maybe an OBGYN. I love to read and my favorite animal is a penguin.

Co Head Security:

- Jessica - Jess - 19 - 24/09/98 - probably best available in the evening time or late afternoon or weekend mornings (or day cause I'm allowed on my phone at work ) - UK time zone (can never remember proper name lmao) - Benjamin has been my fave for about 5 months but it always changes 😂 - new leaf probably I've spent the most time on it - uh I'm pretty sure you all know me by now, but I have a cat called Murphy who is my fave boi, my created gecko called morph and two fish called tipp and ponyo.. and broccoli is my fave vegetable could eat it all the time 🍒

Head Hacker:

- Candyce - Candy - 17 - January 16, 2001 - Central (USA) - It differs, but usually at night - I love Pudge :) - City Folk - I love cats, plan on becoming a graphic designer, work at a bubble tea shop, and I have celiac, body dysphoria, and lots of anxiety disorders. I've fully recovered from depression and mostly from my eating disorder (it turned into the dysphoria). I'm in a long distance relationship of 4 years and I like to play Wizard101    

Co-Head Hacker: @ladykayacnl

• Name - Kayla • Nickname - Kay, Kaylala, Layla, Kayduhx • Age - 27 • Birthday - September 11 • Timezone - Central • Best Availability - All day • Fave Villager/NPC - Cookie! <3 • Fave AC Game - New Leaf :) • A little about you -I've been married for 8 years and I have 5 kids! I'm an Air Force Veteran :). I love tattoos, music, anime, reading, coffee, and helping people! I suffer from resting bitch face, PTSD, and anxiety. I'm generally really nice until someone messes with my family (both IRL and my Addicts family <3).

Head Services Admin: @chibi-bat

Name: Keisha

Nickname:Red 🦇 Age: 24 💜 Birthday: July 20th 🦇 Timezone: PST 💜 Best Availability: Anytime 🦇 Favorite Villager: Gayle & Lucky 💜 Favorite AC Game: New Leaf 🦇 A Little About Me: I am a natural redhead, a mother of 2 boys and have been with my soul mate for 7 years. (We are officially getting married October 27, 2018) We also have a Jack Russell called Kaia. I love video games, am currently obsessed with Paladins & Overwatch. My dream is to become a published author! I am obsessed with bats, foxes, and all things spooky. My favorite time of the year is fall and I love when it rains. 🎃

Head Landscaper:

🌸 Name • Laird Deanna 🌸 Nickname • Marshmallow Melli (Long story) 🌸 Age • 27 🌸 Birthday • 3rd April 1991 🌸 Timezone • GMT 🌸 Best Availability • Evenings and late nights. 🌸 Fave Villager/NPC • Stitches and Sable 🌸 Fave AC Game • New Leaf by far 🌸 A little about you • I come from one of the largest clans in Scotland and proud of it. I also followed in my families footsteps and am a trained seamstress. I make a lot of clothes for myself, headbands, turn up trousers so they don't drag on the floor cuz I'm a short ass, even made a couple of quilts in my time (currently planning another one)

Co-Head Landscaper:

• Name - Stephanie • Nickname - Don’t really have one but I dislike being called Steph! • Age - 27 • Birthday - January 14th • Timezone - CST • Best Availability - Evenings/Nights/Weekends • Fave Villager/NPC - Ankha & Labelle • Fave AC Game - New Leaf 🍃 • A little about you - I’m a pharmacy technician, licensed esthetician and video game addict. I loooooove cats and baking is my favorite hobby besides ACNL 😍😝

Mods

Alanys. 🌌Nickname: Ally or Marie. 💜 🌠Age: 16. 🌌Birthday: October 18th. 🎃 🌠Timezone: AST. 🌌Availability: 3:30 pm to 10:30pm on weekdays, 12:00pm to around 3:00am on weekends. 🌠Fave villagers/npc: Marshal, Merengue, Étoile (even though I'll never get her card 😥😭) and Resetti. 🌌Fave ac game: New leaf. 🍃 🌠A little about me: I'm from Puerto Rico, I speak spanish and love to teach people about it if they ask, I'm going to uni next year and I absolutely want to be a psychologist. I love to help people and hear a thank you, and for some reason I like to hold doors open for everyone. 😂 I love to read about anything Greek mythology, and sometimes I create my own characters based on it. 🏛 My fav games are Resident Evil 4, Metal Gear Solid, God Of War, Danganronpa and two games on my phone called Mystic Messenger and DBZ Dokkan Battle. My fav food is pasta! 🍝 I hate coffee, but I love hot chocolate, and I have a thing for strawberries, strawberry frappes/smoothies and strawberry popsicles. 🍓 I love spending time with my bf and my mom, mostly when I acompany her to go shopping or help her cook! I like watching cooking videos even though I can burn water. 😂 Other than my main hobbies, I like to read/write fanfics, look at memes, listen to music, dance, and play with babies and animals. 💕 Used to want to be a part time babysitter too haha! 💜 And I also love anything related to the galaxy. 🌌💕

Andrea Nickname🌻 •Andi Age🌼 •19 Birthday💫 •30.12.98 Time zone✨ •UTC + 2 Best availability⚡️ •Depends, but normally 12 pm - 8 pm Fave villager/NPC🌷 •Bob is by far my favourite villager! He is my baby. My favourite NPC would be Isabelle, she’s so sweet. Fave AC game🌟 •New Leaf A little about me😸 I love cats. Almost everything I own is cat related. I currently work in a kindergarten (whenever someone is sick I come in), but my dream is to become a dementia nurse. I’m engaged and we live together in a small apartment in Northern Norway. I struggle with my mental health, but I try my best to beat it and do my best to help out in our lovely group. When I don’t play AC or do admin stuff I play other games (Skyrim, Pokèmon) or watch Netflix😎

Ashleigh

🌺 Nickname: Ash 💖Age: 23 🌺Birthday: 19/12 💖Timezone: ACDT 🌺Best Availability: Anytime 💖Fave Villager/NPC: Bluebear 🌺Fave AC Game: New Leaf 💖A little about you: Other than ACNL, I love playing Sims 4 and Pokemon. My favourite Pokemon happens to be lucario.

Ava

🌈Nickname: Vee 🌺Age: 15 (Mentally 5) 🌈Birthday: January 1, 2003 🌺Timezone: CDT (CST during winter) 🌈Best Availability: I’m available about 70% of the time when I’m not in school 🌺Fave Villager/NPC: Favorite villager is Bob (we share the same birthday!) and my favorite NPC is Isabelle 🌈Fave AC Game: New Leaf 🌺A little about me: Starting in September, I will be a sophomore in high school. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I’m in a very unhealthy relationship with my boyfriend but I’m staying in it anyway because I find it too hard to break up with him. My parents are divorced, so I live with my mom until I am old enough to legally move out, but that doesn’t bother me since I get to live with my three year old sister (I swear she’s the most adorable thing ever) and I’m looking forward to having a baby brother sometime near September! I love video games (but nothing can beat Animal Crossing, in my opinion). I also love hanging with friends, reading, and coffee! And of course, the Addicts family❤️

Berkeley

• Nickname: Borkeley, Jo • Age: 23 • Birthday:June 28th, I'm a cancer! • Timezone: EST • Best Availability: Anytime really. • Fave Villager/NPC: Lily + Sable • Fave AC Game: New Leaf or Population Growing • A little about you: I'm a married cat mom, I'm a twitch streamer + i love Gavin Free. Thats about it!

Christina

• Nickname - Chriss or Vicko • Age - 21 • Birthday - July 24th • Timezone - UTC - 6 CST • Best Availability - Mornings and at night • Fave Villager/NPC - For NPC's, Kapp'n and the Porter, for villagers uff I have lots but specially, Molly and Muffy 　. • Fave AC Game - New leaf • A little about you - I love potatoes, anime and manga :3 , also I'm a student from college, I love doing pics editions, draws and such, so if you guys ever need help with thigns related to this, you now know who to call ;) I also can give spanish classes 😝

Emma • Nickname: I don’t really have one but if you call me Em I’m fine with that! • Age: 24 • Birthday: 16th of December • Timezone: PST • Best Availability: Evenings, nights, and weekends • Fave Villager/NPC: Tex and Lottie! • Fave AC Game: New Leaf 😍 • A little about you: I’m a substitute teacher and I’m in the process of going back to school to get my teaching degree! I hope to be an English teacher at either a middle school or a high school. I love reading and writing and I’m really passionate about sleeping 😂

Hanna Nickname: none Age: 22 Birthday: 4th August 1996 Timezone: GMT (Germany) Best Availability: most of the time, but the highest chance is in the evening Fave villager/NPC: Colton, Lobo Fave Ac Game: New Leaf A little about you: My AC passion started with ACWW and I also love Pokémon (Eevee is my fav) and other RPGs like Skyrim and Fallout. I also love my pets (I have a lot^^), reading books and draw some stuff. I’m a student and study the science of language and and literature (but mostly german literature).

 Hannah 👑 Nickname: Han 👑 Age: 24 👑 Birthday: Feb 7th 👑 Timezone: GMT/BST 👑 Best Availability: Evenings and Weekends 👑 Fave Villager/NPC: Chrissy & Cookie, Celeste 👑 Fave AC Game: New Leaf 👑 A little about you: My favourite Pokemon has always been and will always be Vulpix, so when Alolan Vulpix was revealed I lost my shit. I have anime, I write fanfiction, I write stories and edit for a living, I play a lot of other games like League of Legends, World of Warcraft, Persona, Bloodborne - you name it I've probably played it, I love sunflowers and roses, Sailor Moon is my life and aesthetic forever, and finally, I have three cats <3

Jennifer  • Nickname: Jen or Jenny • Age: 21 • Birthday: February 9th • Timezone: UK, GMT • Best Availability: Late night • Fave Villager/NPC : Whitney and Skye • Fave AC Game : New leaf • A little about you I work in retail maybe 2 days a week, I love animals, Disney, games, drawing, reading and writing. Im self teaching guitar and writing songs as a hobby. Tryng to be a vegetarian which is going well, haven't ate meat in a week, yay. The tv shows I like vary in type, I like: The walking daed, Once upon a time and A series of unfortunate events. Movies I like are mostly Disney , the lion king most of all. I also love animals , especially my dog Amber. I do hope to run my own business to rehalibitate pets and wild animals to find homes and re release the healed ones back into the wild. I also appreciate kind and loyal people 💜

Mollie 💖 Nickname: MolflakeMagic (my main gamer tag & online name) 💚 Age: 19 💖 Birthday: December 1st 💚 Timezone: GMT / BST (UK) 💖 Best Availability: Currently Afternoons through to Night unless I'm with family or my boyfriend :3 💚 Fave Villager / NPC: Goldie!! 😍😊 💖 Fave AC Game: Animal Crossing City Folk 😍😊 💚 A little about me: I'm generally very goofy and always looking to make people laugh and smile. I'm currently preparing to move to Nottingham to study at University in September, so essentially preparing to be an official adulty adult xD I play lots of League in my spare time but also love to design on New Leaf, and I'm currently working on completing all the collections for the museum. I also love to dance and I'm also currently starting to learn Japanese :3 When not with my goofball boyfriend or at home, you can usually find me at my grandparents with my doggy Poppy 😍😊

Panyia 🎀 Nickname: Pan/Panini/Pancakes 🎀 Age: 20 🎀 Birthday: Feb. 16th 🎀 Timezone: PST (soon to be HST) 🎀 Best Availability: Depends, usually 12pm - 10 pm 🎀 Fave Villager/NPC: Coco/Celeste 🎀 Fave AC Game: New Leaf 🎀 A little about you: I’m soon-to-be engaged, going to be moving in with my partner very soon. Im usually playing any Harvest Moon game series when I’m not playing AC and helping out with the group. I’ve played other games but it’s too many to name lol. I love watching anime too! They all help me with my mental health and depression, which I try not to let them get to me when I’m helping out with our group ❤️

Ruth 🌸Age: 21 🌸Birthday: 25th December 🌸Timezone: BST/GMT 🌸Best Availability: Usually evenings or any day that I’m off work 🌸Fave villager/NPC: Apple and my fave npc is Kicks ❤️ 🌸Fave AC Game: New Leaf 🌸 A Little about me: I have lived in the south west part of the uk all of my life with my parents and older brother. I love cats so much, I used to have a black cat called Twinkle but he was very ill and passed away from a heart murmur at only 7 years old. I now have a calico called Poppy who I love very much ❤️ I have suffered from anxiety and depression, with the occasional severe migraine (to the point I passed out) since 2013 (but thank goodness I’m nowhere near as bad now) I also love an incredible KPop band called BTS (you may have heard me talk about them already 😛) and playing games like Animal Crossing and Zelda ❤️ Sorry I’m rambling now 😂😂 

[kchasm]

Shameful Original Characters I Have Created Part 9: Juliana “Jill” Rodrigues Almeida

...Is that a cromulent Portuguese name? I mean, I really hope it is, but I’m getting this from a rough interpretation of past-me’s scribblings, and beyond the game of temporal telephone I’m playing here I don’t trust past-me as far as I can throw him. Which I can’t. Because he doesn’t exist anymore.

Yeah. If I’m currently pulling some bull to make someone actually knowledgeable of Portuguese culture spit blood, please, let me know. For serious.

(Illustrations by Jabby, who is awesome. Please visit her tumblr, if only because she’s one of the only handful of people I know who ship the same fringe Persona pairing as me. Yousuke/Naoto 4lyfe!)

Anyway, meet Juliana, or “Jill,” as she goes by occasionally, depending. Jill has just moved from her hometown of...“Cinzento”?

...That’s not a real place. I’m typing it into Google and that’s not a real place, at least not in Portugal, as far as I can see. “Cinzento” just means “gray” in Portuguese. Why did I name a city “gray”? Does that even sound like a Portuguese city at all? Past-me has a lot to answer for.

Anyway.

Juliana moved from her home in Cinzento (depending on whether that’s a cromulent Portuguese city name or not) to...and I’ve just realized that past-me never actually gave the semi-isolated rural village that Juliana moves to a name, which by now you must understand is par for the course. It’s a very nice village, mind! Everyone’s real nice and friendly, and not even that passive-aggressive nice-and-friendly you get where they talk about you behind your back and say “bless her soul” a lot. Just...it’s just a lot of genuinely nice and friendly people, and there’s a beach down south, wide and peaceful, and fishing at the streams and fruit off the trees and the shop near the train track is a bit ramshackle, yes, but the ol’ shopkeep is thinking of expanding, if he can get the dough to justify it. And also, all the villagers are anthropomorphic animals, because Juliana is an Animal Crossing OC.

You think I should’ve led with that? Probably I should’ve led with that, huh. Oops.

Not that it matters to Juliana, though. Either she’s really calm about these sort of unexpected things, or the world she lives in is an alternate Earth from ours that’s got a lot more in the way of the furry population. Who knows? I don’t.

Anyway.

Relatively recent moved-in status nonetheless, Juliana’s become rather thick friends with Lobo, to the latter’s puzzlement and surprise. The dude’s a pessimistic grouch (albeit a well-meaning one) with a talent for saying exactly the wrong thing when it counts. Juliana, meanwhile, is his royal opposite: Friendly, idealistic, the sort to cheerfully chat with a neighbor about whatever meaningful meaninglessness is occupying their mind at the moment, the kind that couldn’t pass a stooped elder without offering to carry their pack—if Juliana was in a fairy tail, she’d pass the test-of-character-that-is-repaid-at-a-later-point-in-the-story with flying colors.

Not that she’s naive, though. I don’t like that trope much, as much as I often fall into it myself. You can be idealistic and cheerful without being naive and dumb. And Juliana’s not dumb. She can sense trouble as well as you and me, and when she needs to make a plan, she sets it down and follows through. She believes in an innate goodness, but understands the existence of evil, as well.

And that’s why, when the letters show up delivered to her house in the village, purporting to be from her mother but obviously not, Juliana...panics, a little. And then goes straight to Lobo, because if she had to pick someone to trust wholeheartedly, he’d be it. And like that, they’re set on figuring out what kind of nutjobbery is at work...and whether it might not just be something bigger than that. Something a lot more conspiratorial. With, like, bugs and tapped telephone lines, or something. Have you ever seen The Prisoner?

Because I haven’t, actually.

I swear.

(Final note, re: The outfit: That’s a normal dress Juliana’s wearing, but those shoes are straight up combat boots and that jacket is a Portuguese army jacket of some kind. There’s probably backstory there, but if there is, past-me didn’t take notes. Sorry.)

[scrawnydutchman]

Why “Boyscout” Characters are Underrated

In any given narrative in any genre, be it film, novels, comic books, video games, cartoons or stage plays, having a likable main character is important. Very important. One could argue it is the most essential part of the puzzle of storytelling in fact. After all, a story is all about following the adventure(s) of a person or collection of people who go through trials and conflicts and drama to fulfill a goal. Whether it’s a wannabe superstar tenaciously working towards glory or a strong man in tights seeking justice and apprehending criminals, we’re going to be sticking with this character for a while, so by all means the last thing you want is to make your character somebody who the audience is uninterested in or, even worse, neglectful to follow. 

But that said, opinions on what makes a strong lead can very among different audience members. It’s only natural; all art is subjective and has an appeal not everybody will appreciate. But sometimes certain tastes can trend; and that taste comes with a bitterness to it’s alternative. In this case I’m talking about the hardening and darkening of heroes, the promotion of moral ambiguity . . . and the mocking of “boyscout” characters. Characters often criticized for being too unrealistically moral and upstanding, “perfect” is the word often used. Superman is the prime example of this: for years people have been calling him boring because he’s so impossibly powerful he can resolve any situation and he’s so morally upright that his conflicts with bad guys become rinse and repeat. Even with the character gaining significantly more depth over the years the sentiment has been the same; Superman is just too good and powerful to be interesting. The same has been applied to other heroes, albeit to a lesser extent, such as Wonder Woman, Shazam and Captain America. Meanwhile, those characters more favored by a larger audience are more flawed individuals; people who make mistakes, whose acts of selfishness have consequences, whose good nature is often challenged and will go to a farther extent at apprehending criminals then boyscouts, perhaps even going as far as killing. Batman, Wolverine, Spawn and Lobo all have these reputations. The “Badass” of the crew is always the top seller: because it’s not enough for a reader to be morally upright and just. They also have to be badass and edgy.

Now I didn’t type up this long winded article to bash anybody for liking brooding gritty characters. Far from it; I understand the appeal of them perfectly well and am also a fan of these characters. It’s not a bad thing to have leads who feel broken from loss and torment, and thus distance themselves from others and have a hard time trusting people, putting up a tough guy attitude to hide the fact that they are actually quite sensitive. This is a very real thing that many people in the modern world feel. Plus zealousness and confidence along with the capacity to back up such bravado is very endearing. If anybody is proof of that fact it’s the late Muhammad Ali.

But the question I want to ask is; are these characters naturally superior in likability to boyscouts? Are non problematic, morally upright people in fiction just not interesting? Again, this stuff is subjective, but if more people gravitate towards the gritty brooding Batman then the sunny, happy go lucky Superman, so much so that DC has been essentially making Superman out to be a tortured alien soul, then does this give us a window into what it means to be an objectively likable character?

My answer is: Not really.

Think what you will about Superman, but consider how long he’s been around and how much he has shaped our culture. The character has been around for over 80 years now, and he’s gone through many changes and adaptations to be sure (most comic book characters go through the same process) but his core elements and ideas have remained in tact and, to be honest, his franchise has told some of the finest stories of the 20th century. He’s still the highest selling comic book superhero franchise of all time. I think it’s safe to say there is something about this boyscout that sticks.

So in defense of these boyscout characters who I have an admitted fondness for, I will be pointing out the main criticisms against these characters and giving a retort against each.

1: Morally perfect characters aren’t interesting. 

 I disagree. Often times this criticism comes from a misunderstanding of what a “morally perfect” characters conflict really is, because it isn’t as simple and clear cut as “will this guy defeat this guy?”. Superman often comes under criticism for resolving his situations and defeating his bad guys way too easily, and as a result bad guys always resort to either repetitive weaknesses or are absurdly powerful themselves to even compete. But here’s the thing about Superman: It’s not about whether he’ll win or lose. It’s about whether he’ll do the right thing. He’s already proven time and time again that he’s the most powerful character in all of comics, possibly in all of fiction. His dilemma is whether or not he’s managing those powers responsibly, and whether he still belongs to the human race in spite of those powers. He may be on the level of a God, but he’s still a Cansas born farmboy raised by Christian locals, works on a reporters salary, is in love with his attractive female co worker and has an affinity for beef bourguignon. That sure as hell sounds a lot more relatable then a boy born into wealth and fortune, most likely went into private school, who traveled the world to study under the greatest masters of martial arts on earth after his parents were suddenly murdered, but that’s just me ;). Captain America’s conflict is also commonly misunderstood. He’s all about being a fish out of water who has to do his best to do the right thing in a world where other heroes such as Iron Man represent the modern age far better then he does. Superman and Cap are quite similar because they hold onto traditional values and morality. Make no mistake, traditional =/= perfect. Both of their ethics have been challenged and shaken time and time again in comics.

2: Boyscouts aren’t relatable.

 So let me get this straight: You DON’T relate to trying to be a good person as often as possible? You DON’T relate to just wanting what’s best for yourself and people around you? You DON’T relate to seeking justice and hope and love? Maybe not everyone does; again, subjectivity is a real thing. But just because you may not aspire to higher ideals doesn’t mean nobody does. If nobody ever did I don’t think superheroes would even be a thing.

But that said, relatability isn’t objectively necessary for a main lead to have anyway. Don’t get me wrong; it’s always a nice and welcome touch. Depth is NEVER a bad thing. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be the thing that drives the story nor does it have to be the thing that defines what makes the character so likable. What’s more important then a character being relatable .  . .is a character being motivated. For evidence of this claim, look no further then some of the most popular VILLAINS around in pop culture. Relatable villains can occur and get popular, certainly, but more often then not the villains that become the most romanticized and trend the most are villains who are so malicious, so intent with their evil, so driven to make everything around them miserable that you can’t help but get involved with the chaos they’re bringing. Perfect example: The Joker. EVERYONE loves the joker, but I sincerely doubt anybody would say they relate to him. Moreover I think people are just invested because HE’S invested, and we’re interested to see just how far he’ll go to carry out his goal . . .whatever the hell it is.

Heroes can work in very much the same way. How far will they go to seek out justice? What are disciplines they set for themselves? How committed are they to their cause? Will they ever break their code, and if so, can they be redeemed? I don’t buy the idea that good people don’t invite conflict because doing good even when it’s hard and having restraint even when people disagree with you is a conflict in and of itself.

3: Good guys don’t lend themselves to conflict.

 Allow me to repeat what I just said: Doing good even when it’s hard and having restraint even when people disagree with you is a conflict in and of itself. You don’t have to be flawed to invite conflict: matter of fact, heroes are literally DEFINED by their desire to seek out conflict because they would not be heroes if they remained indifferent to tragedy and crime. I know what you’re thinking: “What people mean when they say this is INTERNAL conflict”. People are interested by tortured souls who all too often do morally ambiguous things. Again, I understand the appeal of that, but on the other hand, if you aren’t convinced that people wouldn’t want to enact good in the world unless they learn first hand the consequences of evil when it strikes them, then I’m sorry, that’s a very cynical perception of reality. Wanting to do good can be propelled by wanting to SEE good in the world, and not wanting your powers or whatever it is you do to fight crime to not go to waste. Characters do not have to be defined by tragedy to be compelling: they can be defined by how they define themselves. What disciplines they set for themselves, what their code of honor is and how it conflicts with others. Personally I think it’d be really refreshing to see a character who didn’t learn the hard way that crime sucks and that’s what convinces them to take responsibility for once, because that’s just really selfish when you think about it. You don’t give a shit about what goes wrong in the world unless it effects you. I can’t assert this enough: I understand that writing characters in such a way can instill more drama, but I disagree that they have to be written in such a way every time.

4: Dark and gritty is more realistic.

No, it’s not. dark and gritty =/= more realistic. Matter of fact it’s just as much a fantasy as a light and upbeat world. Goodness and kindness is just as  much a part of life as cruelty and sadness. It is not “realistic” to highlight either extreme. It shouldn’t be necessary for entertainment to be “realistic” anyway. If you wanted realism you wouldn’t devolve into fantasy; you’d just go outside. Fantasy is about escaping realism and fulfilling a need to feel certain emotions by indulging in a particular genre. Every genre is valid for that reason. We watch comedies to laugh. tragedies to cry, romances to gush and horrors to scream. If you like your dark and grittiness more then other themes then by all means go for it; but it’s unfair to say lightheartedness and peppiness is any less valid of fantasy fulfillment, especially under the fallacy that it’s “less realistic”.

Conclusion:

So I’m hoping this article broadened the readers horizons a bit about what  it means to be an interesting character, and in particular I’m hoping they’ll be more open minded about “boyscouts” and “goody-two-shoes”. A good character is not always defined by tragedy and is not always defined by things they can’t control. A good character is defined by what motivates them, what actions they take, what disciplines they hold for themselves and what they do with their capacity for either good or evil. A likable character is one clearly defined and adds to the stakes, and in that regard good guys are no less valid.

[badlydrawnstuff]

Fate Goes (and has a bad evening)

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*OKAY ITS BEEN LIKE SEVERAL MONTHS SINCE THIS DRAFT HAS BEEN OPENED SO WE'RE JUST GONNA.. MOVE ON* Sheepy: Bedi: *he's preparing the outside of the house for Halloween. it's important to be festive!* Sheepy: Bedi: I didn't think we should present our home as scary, so I went with this cute ornament I found in the store instead. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Cute, yeah. If you cover up the entire face, I could agree it's cute! Sheepy: Bedi: What do you mean? Sheepy: Bedi: I thought its face was cute... Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, do you have a costume yet? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Of course not! Sheepy: Bedi: I don't either. I forgot about it. Sheepy: Bedi: Do you have any ideas? Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... Oh, I've got one! Sheepy: Bedi: What is it? Arsé-kun: Merlin: You be me, I'll be you! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, good idea! Arsé-kun: Merlin: It can't be that hard, can it?? Sheepy: Bedi: It shouldn't be too difficult. Sheepy: Bedi: It doesn't have to be perfect, after all! Arsé-kun: Merlin: And that just makes it easier on us! Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, and we could make it easier by swapping clothing. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's what I was thinking! Sheepy: Bedi: Perfect. Arsé-kun: Merlin: And we can wait until the last minute to prepare. So lets get back to this. *he picks up and plants a scarecrow with decent force.* Sheepy: Bedi: *he turns his attention to the last thing he put up and begins straightening it* Sheepy: *Lobo is watching them from the window* Sheepy: Bedi:... *he looks up at the window* Oh, that reminds me. We'll need to get Lobo not to tear it up. Sheepy: Bedi: And we'll need to get Rider not to decapitate anything...huh. They're already kind of Halloween themed. Dr. Griffin, too. Arsé-kun: Merlin: They really are, huh? Lucky them. Sheepy: Bedi: But during Christmas...or Easter... Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's when it sucks to be them! Sheepy: Bedi: Or during Updog day. Lucan told me about it, but not details. Sheepy: Bedi: However, I'm sure it's incredibly important. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... ... What's updog? Sheepy: Bedi: I don't know, unfortunately. Sheepy: Bedi: So you haven't heard of it, either? Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he sighs and stops adjusting a fake tombstone* It's bait to get someone to ask what Updog is! Sheepy: Bedi:...But why? Arsé-kun: Merlin: "What's up, dog", followed by "Not much dog, what's up with you!" Sheepy: Bedi: *he looks completely lost, but his smile is still present* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, so you're meant to say it to a dog? Arsé-kun: Merlin: "Dog" can be slang for "dude" or "bro". *his airquotes are spot on* Sheepy: Bedi: I see. Arsé-kun: Merlin: It's.. It's a kid friendly variation on sugma. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah... Sheepy: Bedi:.... Sheepy: Bedi: Like the fire slug in the game Kintoki was playing. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ...? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I guess?? Sheepy: Bedi: That's its name. Arsé-kun: Merlin: We'll just have to ask, huh? Sheepy: Bedi: Ask whom? Kintoki? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yeah. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, I suppose. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he strolls outside, his goal being to ruin the nice pile of leaves* Just google it, you old tart! Sheepy: Bedi:....? Sheepy: Bedi: *he tilts his head* "Google"... Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he promptly pulls his phone out to google it* Oh, it's Slugma. Was close, though. Sheepy: Bedi: I'm afraid I can't "google" anything. I'm not aware of such a verb. Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he stops and squints so hard his eyes are slivers* You not use the internet or something? You an old retired man? Sheepy: Bedi: Once again, I'm not familiar with such things. Arsé-kun: Angra: Your fuckbuddy does streams and you don't know shit? Sheepy: Bedi: Ah! That's magic! *he's beaming* Isn't he amazing!? Arsé-kun: Angra: Sweet merciful zoroastrian feast of fucks. *he puts his hands on his face. his face is gone. incredible void boy tricks* It's all wires and signals. Edison n' Tesla would shit themselves over it. Sheepy: Bedi: I'm afraid...I do not follow your explanation. Arsé-kun: Angra: Wizrad, I am stealing your idiot! I'm teaching him how to use the internet! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Have fun! Sheepy: Bedi: I don't understand. Arsé-kun: Angra: You're about to! *he grabs onto the Airgetlam and very, very quickly regrets his decisions. But he sticks to it!* Sheepy: *Airgetlam glows upon being touched.* Sheepy: Bedi: I...I see. *he doesn't appear to notice it at all.* Arsé-kun: Angra: C'mon, we're goin' in! Gonna show you how to look up shit and cool swords, or whatever you knights like! Arsé-kun: *Angra goes to drag Bedi inside. Airgetlam is in no danger of being torn off on accident- Angra's not strong enough to do that, even if he wanted to.* Sheepy: *bedi follows, confused still* Sheepy: Bedi: Why? Arsé-kun: *Angra grabs a nearby laptop and opens it up. It ain't his.* Arsé-kun: Angra: Because the world runs on this shit, kid. Sheepy: Bedi:....! Sheepy: Bedi: Internet is sunlight. Arsé-kun: Angra: It's closer to lightning, I think! Arsé-kun: Angra: Chaldea? Internet. Phones? Some net. Streams? Net. Electricity is wild. Sheepy: Bedi: Net? Sheepy: Bedi: Like fishing net. Arsé-kun: Angra: Internet. I ain't sayin' it every single time. Sheepy: Bedi: So Chaldea is internet. Arsé-kun: Angra: It sure has a lot of it! Okay, here. *he pulls up the equivalent of google that's used these days.* What do ya wanna look up? Anythin'. Sheepy: Bedi: *he looks up* Arsé-kun: Angra: ... ... On the internet, you literal turd. Sheepy: Bedi: Like in tomes. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yes! Sheepy: Bedi: I don't know. Sheepy: Bedi: Perhaps on wolves to figure out how to prevent them from tearing up your decorations... Arsé-kun: Angra: *he looks up "Stopping dogs from ruining decorations", and in a second tab looks up "How to google on the internet", before passing the laptop off to Bedi* Go fucking nuts, go feral, go play. Sheepy: Bedi: What? Arsé-kun: Angra: Oh, man. *he very slowly opens the first link for the first search, so Bedi can watch* Like that. Arsé-kun: Angra: You can read, yeah? You're not dumb? Sheepy: Bedi: I can read. Arsé-kun: Angra: Then get readin'! Searching stuff is just a book on a screen. Sheepy: Bedi:...I, um.. Sheepy: Bedi: I still don't understand why. Arsé-kun: Angra: Because the net's got everythin'! It's got all the books! All of 'em! Shit's wild. Arsé-kun: Angra: And everybody these days relies on it more than their legs half the time! Not literally! Sheepy: Bedi: Really? So it's a library? Arsé-kun: Angra: A big wired library! Sheepy: Bedi: I see! Sheepy: Bedi: I'd like to visit this library one day!! Arsé-kun: *Angra leans over to bring up a third search. "What is the internet and how do I use it?" It has video results! Bedi (probably) knows what videos are! I hope??* Arsé-kun: *Bedi will now be inconvenienced by The World's Evil, for at least an hour. Or that's what Angra's gonna say about it. He's just as interested in how it actually works.* Sheepy: *Bedi seems to be getting more and more anxious as time passes.* Arsé-kun: *Sucks to be you, Angra thinks!* Sheepy: Bedi: Well, it's just... Arsé-kun: Angra: A gigantic waste of time? Sheepy: Bedi: I left in the middle of helping Merlin. Sheepy: Bedi: Y...no. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yes? Great! I've taught a thing and ruined your afternoon! *yesssss!* Sheepy: Bedi: I do appreciate what you've told me... Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad. Arsé-kun: Angra: What's depressin' you this week, sad man? Sheepy: Tristan: The day of Halloween is on the horizon, and yet, I have not even begun to set sail. Sheepy: Tristan: *he strums his harp* It occurred to me that it wouldn't matter, because even if I were to dress up as something else, it would never change how despicable a man I am. Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad. Arsé-kun: Angra: Aww, cute! If the sum of evil can do it, what's stoppin' you, pumpkin? *he is absolutely teasing Tristan. At least he's not being snappy about it* Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, to be a Knight of the Round Table, filled wih confidence of tomorrow. Ah, to be the evil of the world, fearless, uncaring of how others may judge him. Arsé-kun: Angra: Here's this villain's advice! Just put on cat ears and you're done. Sheepy: Tristan: And yet, I quiver before this decision of mine, incapable of escaping from the standstill I have put myself in. Arsé-kun: Angra: ... *he googles "Lazy halloween costumes"* Sheepy: Tristan: I wouldn't be a very beautiful cat in my current state. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, I can only be a thing of beauty, for I am a thing of beauty. Sheepy: Tristan: So a cat would be out of the picture, since I'm lacking in four legs and a tail. Sheepy: Tristan: Those, and their ears, are what make them beautiful. So, you see, I could never capture that. Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad. Sheepy: Tristan: Sometimes I'm so beautiful it troubles even myself. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he's run out of responses. completely out.* Sheepy: Bedi: I... Sheepy: Bedi: Y...yes. Sheepy: Tristan: Do you ever feel this way? Arsé-kun: Angra: What, sad? Sure. Sheepy: Tristan: No, no. Sheepy: Tristan: Troubled by your own beauty. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, I feel a need to always live up to it. Arsé-kun: Angra: As you can see, I'm a black hole! Can't relate! I'm not pretty! Sheepy: Tristan: Perhaps you are but you haven't discovered it yet. Arsé-kun: Angra: I'd say "Hell yeah internal beauty" but man I am one, UGLY, motherfucker. Sheepy: Tristan: Internal beauty is something you're capable of fixing. Sheepy: Tristan: It just requires bravery I do not have. Sheepy: Bedi: I'd recommend a varied and healthy diet. Arsé-kun: Angra: Have you tried eating scorpion yet? Sheepy: Bedi: Oh! I have. Arsé-kun: Angra: Good shit. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes. Sheepy: Bedi: I wouldn't word it that way myself, but... Sheepy: Bedi: I agree with the feelings behind that. Arsé-kun: Angra: Don't eat shit, either, kids, you WILL die. Sheepy: Bedi: I didn't brave such things... Sheepy: Tristan: Hmm? Sheepy: Tristan: But you eat honey. Arsé-kun: Angra: You tellin' me that's bee shit? Sheepy: Bedi:...I don't think honey is bee poop. Arsé-kun: Angra: *New search! What is Honey, actually?* ... ... Honey is bee vomit. I hate this information! You can have it! Sheepy: Bedi:.. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, that doesn't surprise me. Arsé-kun: Angra: That's not the reply I was looking for! I love it. Sheepy: Bedi: I suspected bees had a deep, dark secret. Sheepy: Bedi: It's a lot less dark than I expected. Arsé-kun: Angra: Like how the Queen can't fly and get her fat little body off the ground because she's terminally fucking bees? Sheepy: Bedi: Or how all female bees are capable of producing eggs, but the queen will eat their eggs. Arsé-kun: Angra: Nice. Sheepy: Bedi: If the queen doesn't respond in time, the female bees will kill her and lay more eggs, but... Arsé-kun: Merlin: ._. Sheepy: Bedi: They don't hatch into anything from what I recall, so the hive ends up...ah, Merlin. I apologize. ...I got distracted and didn't help you. Arsé-kun: Merlin: It's cool, Bedi, got Lance to take over. Sheepy: Bedi: I'm happy to hear that. Sheepy: Tristan: Merlin. Arsé-kun: Merlin: What's up, Tristan? Sheepy: Tristan: I've come across a standstill. How sad. Sheepy: Tristan: I'm too beautiful for any costumes, so I fear diminishing my appearance with them. Sheepy: Tristan:...But I want to join in on the festivities. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Be yourself but hotter. Sheepy: Tristan:....! Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, I knew I could count on you. Sheepy: Tristan: I'll be myself, but with an open jacket. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Wait, I've got more. Dress up as a different class, but you're still fantastic you. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yes, you understand! Sheepy: Tristan: Hmm? Sheepy: Tristan: Another class.. Sheepy: Tristan:...Yes, I'll be... Sheepy: Tristan: *he poses* Studmuffin class. Arsé-kun: Merlin: New exclusive class! One member only! Sheepy: Bedi:...I don't remember hearing about that class before. Arsé-kun: *angra makes a sound akin to a verbal keysmash* Arsé-kun: Merlin: It exists now because we've said so. Sheepy: Tristan: You can join too, Merlin. I'm sure you qualify for it. Ah, Sir Bedivere, too. Sheepy: Tristan: We'll be the Three Studkateers. Arsé-kun: *mozart breaks into uncontrollable laughter several rooms away. i wonder why* Sheepy: Bedi: I feel like I've been dragged into something that I'll quickly come to regret. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Love to join you, but I'm being Bedi this year. Sheepy: Tristan: The Three Studkateers disband before they even can make group jackets... Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad! Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, I truly am alone on this mission! Arsé-kun: Angra: I'll volunteer with my inner beauty to keep you company! Sheepy: Tristan: We'll be Beauty and the Beast. Sheepy: Tristan: Of course, I take the first role. Arsé-kun: Angra: Better than what I had planned! I'll take Beast! Sheepy: Bedi: I...I'm glad it all worked out in the end. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yeah, me too. Sheepy: Bedi: But how did things go with Lobo? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Haven't seen him yet, but I get the feeling he's up to something. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh dear... Sheepy: Bedi: *he raises his voice* Lobo! Sheepy: *Lobo walks in with a pumpkin in his mouth* Arsé-kun: Angra: You got it! You've got a pumpkin! Sheepy: Lobo: *He's wagging his tail* Sheepy: Bedi: Lobo, don't eat the ornaments, okay? Sheepy: Lobo: *he glares viciously at Bedi* Arsé-kun: Merlin: I don't think that needs a translation! Sheepy: Bedi: I'll give you any other food you want if you don't eat the ornaments. Sheepy: Lobo:......! Sheepy: Lobo: *he snorts* (Chocolate.) Arsé-kun: Angra: Why, so you eat grass all day tomorrow? Sheepy: Lobo:? Arsé-kun: Angra: Eh, okay! *he hops up to get Lobo some sweets. there is a 50% chance Minako will destroy him during the journey.* Sheepy: Bedi: Where are you going? Arsé-kun: Angra: Gettin' Lobo what he wants. I like keeping my limbs intact! Sheepy: Lobo: *he follows Angra, the pumpkin still in his mouth* Sheepy: Bedi: I...see. Sheepy: Bedi: Is he really that mad...? He seems happy with the pumpkin. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I'm surprised he isn't risking it to tease Lobo. Sheepy: Bedi: Me too. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Even the world's evil is capable of improving.. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's something to think about. Arsé-kun: *Other current events include! Mephisto, Jekyll, and Jack turning Mink's living room into an impromptu lab (mostly by Mephisto's Terr. Creation), uhhhh, Lance slowly setting up the outside (He's very unsure, and has invited Herc to help), Proto going on some sort of spy mission, and uhhhhhh whatever else we can think of.* Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad! Sheepy: Tristan: Even the world's evil is capable of improvement, and yet I... Sheepy: *Rider is watching Lancelot and Herc, Holmes has joined in on the science club* Sheepy: Tristan: Ah...if only I were capable of it. But instead...my inability to improve... Sheepy: Tristan: Stems from the coldest depths of my soul. Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad! Sheepy: Bedi: I know how to improve at anything, Sir Tristan. If you recognize your flaws and address them, you'll improve. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah...My friend is such a genius! Truly, I'm lucky to have such fri....-!!! Sheepy: Tristan: Th...that's it! Sheepy: Tristan: What a lucky man I am! How joyful! Arsé-kun: Merlin: You do have friends. You seem to doubt that often. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah...but my realization... Sheepy: Tristan: Friends can help me improve as a person. Arsé-kun: Merlin: They absolutely can! Arsé-kun: Jekyll, distantly: Please don't imbibe the chemicals!!! Sheepy: Izou: I'm dumb and don't know what those words mean! Sheepy: Izou: It ticks me off! Sheepy: Izou: It makes me want to drink this weird lookin' alcohol even more! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Please do not drink the chemicals. It is not alcohol. You won't get drunk. Sheepy: Izou: Then what's the point!? Sheepy: Izou: You smart people are all bland! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: ... *he holds his phone up to his ear for a moment or so* .. I've been corrected. I'm told to inform you that drinking this will make you dead and stupid. In that order. Sheepy: Izou: I'm already both! Sheepy: Izou: Err....wait! Sheepy: Izou: I'm not that - Sheepy: Izou: ...... Sheepy: Izou: Is it...........first...or second...--I don't care! I ain't dead, you smart person! Arsé-kun: Mephisto: You will be once I bomb you to smithereens! *:D* Or the invisible guy can get you, whichever comes first! *he gestures to Jack holding up a visible t-shirt. floating t-shirt. scary.* Sheepy: Izou: stop making up big words! I don't understand them! Are you doing it to make fun of me!? Arsé-kun: Mephisto: You, bomb, explode, die! *this is amusing him far more than it should* Sheepy: Izou: *he huffs* I won't let you if you try! *he puts down the chemical* Sheepy: Izou: Why are you smiling like that!? Are you laughing at me!? Ahhh, you make me so mad! I hate that face of yours! Arsé-kun: Mephisto: Thanks! Sheepy: Izou: ? Sheepy: Izou: Thanks? Sheepy: Izou: What did I do? Nothing for you! Why are you thanking me!? Arsé-kun: Mephisto: Because! *he puts his own chemicals down and caps them. safety first* You're not supposed to like this demon! You can try to punch me after we wrap this up, okay? Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 2 Arsé-kun: *The t-shirt is put down. Someone's approaching you, Izou, but you don't see shiiiit. Sure hear it though.* Sheepy: Izou: .......Who's there!? Arsé-kun: Jack: The Invisible Man. You look like you were hit by a damn dump truck and smell like it too. Was that your intention? Sheepy: Izou: Oi! I don't look like- whatever you just said! Sheepy: Izou: I'm not lookin' to impress anyone! One minute I was eatin' out of that little kid's trash, and then the next I ended up in here! Arsé-kun: Mephisto: That explains a lot! Sheepy: Izou: I was gonna try to abduct him for ransom money, but I didn't understand what that meant for what I had to do, so I left it up to the kid. Arsé-kun: Jack: Had you harmed him, you'd have ceased to live. *he goes to pat Izou, and leaves a very clear handprint. Jack's hand is now stained with filth. dis gus tang* Sheepy: Izou: 's that a threat? Is abductin' him harm? Sheepy: Izou: I've only seen it on TV. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: This was a better outcome. *he watches as Jack tries to wipe off the filth and just spreads it across himself. Well, now theres some floating dirt smears* Sheepy: Izou: What? Sheepy: Izou: Oi, th' best outcome would've been getting gambling money. Sheepy: Izou: I'm dumb and never won, not even once! Sheepy: Izou: But it's so much fun! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: There are people to gamble with here. You might even win once or twice. Sheepy: Izou: Oh, I want to gamble! And get drunk! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I can confirm the presence of booze. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: ... Hyde adds that it is "the good shit". Sheepy: Izou: ! Sheepy: Izou: Gimme, gimme! Arsé-kun: Mephisto: Lab adjourned! We'll resume after the holiday! *he picks up Jack's t-shirt and the lab just vanishes. Normal living room resumes it's existence.* Go raid a kitchen, but don't say we sent you~ Sheepy: Izou: Great! Sheepy: Lobo: *he’s sniffing at Jack* Arsé-kun: Jack: *he pats Lobo's nose with his less dirty hand* Do I smell like Shinjuku yet, Lobo? Sheepy: Lobo: *he tilts his head before licking Jack* Sheepy: Izou: !! It’s big! ‘nd fluffy! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: This is Lobo. He might decide you're a toy, so be careful. Arsé-kun: Hyde: Or dinner! Arsé-kun: *Jekyll quickly pats his hair back down. Down, Hyde. Bad. Bad alter-ego.* Sheepy: Lobo: *he looks over at Jekyll before sniffing at Izou* Sheepy: Izou: I'm no toy, nor am I dinner! Sheepy: Lobo: *he bites down on a loose piece of Izou's clothing and starts chewing on it, but Izou is too busy looking smug at Jekyll to notice.* Sheepy: Izou: Fuhahahaha! I'm a scary manslayer! I won't let anyone laugh at me, or I'll cut them down! Especially smart people! Sheepy: Izou: And so that means I'm no one's toy nor dinner! Sheepy: Lobo: *chew, chew* Arsé-kun: Jack: Your scarf sure is. I'm going to clean this grime off. Excuse me, shitheads. *the walking dirt exits scene* Sheepy: Izou:...! Sheepy: Izou: Heyhey, that's not food. I've already tried eating it. Arsé-kun: Angra: Whatt're we doin', pup? *he goes to write "KICK ME" on Izou's scarf* Sheepy: Lobo: *he tilts his head* Arsé-kun: Angra: Daaaaaamn, you're so dirty it's staining pure evil! *his hand is also now stained with gray grime. it doesn't look black on him* Impressive! Sheepy: Izou: Eh? Arsé-kun: Angra: Hi, I'm the villain of the house! Can I inconvenience you? Great! Sheepy: Izou: What? Arsé-kun: Angra: I'm stealing you! I'd hold you for ransom but I'd get a dirty sock and ten qp~ Sheepy: Izou: Where are we goin' Sheepy: Lobo: *he has his mouth open, ready to chew on Izou more* Arsé-kun: Angra: We're goin' up! If we look half decent, we can steal as much as we want from the kitch' and no one can stop us! Sheepy: Izou:...! Sheepy: Izou: Where're we goin'!? Arsé-kun: Angra: Up a floor! Not far! Sheepy: Lobo: *chew chew chew* Arsé-kun: *Mephisto has opted out of this encounter. Goodbye Moose* Sheepy: Izou: Right, I'll follow you. Arsé-kun: *Vlad is currently at the kitchen table, keeping Satoru company. He watches as Angra and Izou pass by, dragging Lobo along behind them. Bc he's still chewing on the scarf. Vlad is unfazed by all this. The only thing he IS fazed by is the smell. Yuck.* Sheepy: Satoru: That's him. Sheepy: Satoru: He seems nice enough. Arsé-kun: Vlad: I see... Did you need yet another dog? Sheepy: Satoru: Dog? Where? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Something about his appearance reminds me of a scruffy street terrier. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. He reminds me of a rat. Arsé-kun: Vlad: I see that as well, but I quite like rats. Sheepy: Satoru: He asked me to help him kidnap me for ransom money but I said I had to ask you first. Arsé-kun: Vlad: He would have instead gotten my fist as payment, and his blood on the floor as interest. Sheepy: Satoru: That's a weird form of payment. Sheepy: Satoru: What can be bought with it? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Dying by my hand for such crimes. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Sheepy: Satoru: Huh. Sheepy: Satoru:.....But, since he lives here now...who...summoned him? Arsé-kun: Vlad: You will have to ask. I may just impale him on the spot. Sheepy: Satoru: Huh? But... Sheepy: Satoru: He's my Servant now. Arsé-kun: Vlad: So he is. Sheepy: Satoru: So killing him, um... Arsé-kun: Vlad: Would be a bad idea. Yes, I understand. Sheepy: Satoru: That's good. Sheepy: Satoru: For now he can just be the weird man who came for dinner and stayed all winter. Sheepy: Satoru: He's unexpected so I won't expect anyone to immediately warm up to him. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Yet, it does sound like some already have. Sheepy: Satoru: That's good. Sheepy: Satoru: Or else...well. Arsé-kun: Mozart: Or well what? What is it, Lassie? Did little Timmy shit in the well? *he continues to think he's funny. Saku stops and stares at him.* Sheepy: Satoru: Mom won't let him sit down. Sheepy: Satoru: Guin probably would chase him down, too. Sheepy: Satoru: And he'd probably smell stinky while everyone tries to eat. Like garbage. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Yes, exactly. Sheepy: Satoru: And I doubt anyone would like that. Arsé-kun: Saku: We would not. Sheepy: Satoru: ...I didn't really think that far before inviting him in. Arsé-kun: Vlad: You didn't. At least you can understand your mistakes. Sheepy: Satoru: If he is a threat in some way, what do w do? Arsé-kun: Vlad: I call first chance at impaling him through the chest with several lances and d- *he has an oven mitt thrown at him. it lands on him and he only stops to glance at Sakura* Yes, yes, I am stopping. Sheepy: Satoru: He already has been stabbed. Arsé-kun: Vlad: There was more, but I seem to not be permitted to continue. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh, okay. Arsé-kun: Mozart: I do hear the shower running upstairs. Maybe someone convinced him to clean up? Sheepy: Satoru: That's good. Arsé-kun: *a bit later on!* Sheepy: Izou: *He's come downstairs and....... did he always have purple hair like that, or...* Arsé-kun: Minako: Oh, you're right. He is fluffy! Sheepy: Satoru: He looks much better now. Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 7 Arsé-kun: Minako: ... Assassin class, I think? He's hard to pin down. Sheepy: Izou: What? Sheepy: Izou: No. Sheepy: Izou: My class is "Hitokiri". Arsé-kun: Minako: ...? Sheepy: Izou: It's different. Arsé-kun: *Mori is quietly observing from the side, meanwhile* Sheepy: Izou: Why's everyone lookin' at me? Arsé-kun: Mori: You're far stronger than initially calculated. Sheepy: Izou: Hah! Yeah! Sheepy: Izou: I'm a sword prodigy! Fuhahahahaha! Arsé-kun: Mori: Your strength is very impressive. May I ask how you got strong as a servant? Sheepy: Izou: By being a prodigy! Sheepy: Izou: Also, I found this place! Sheepy: Izou: It had these hands. They dropped this tasty food. Sheepy: Izou: Eventually I got thrown out. Sheepy: Izou: I felt weirdly stronger after that. Sheepy: Izou: Oh, yeah. Sheepy: Izou: This weird guy, too. Sheepy: Izou: He looked rich. Sheepy: Izou: His trash tasted like rich people's trash, too. Arsé-kun: Mori: ... ... Can you describe his appearance at all? Sheepy: Izou: Like...a smart guy. Kinda stiff. Uh.... Sheepy: Izou: Very dark hair. Sheepy: Izou: He kinda reminds me of a butler. Arsé-kun: Mozart: Oh, did he speak like.. *ahem* Very properly, yes, but was still able to convey being a pile of- excuse my French- Shit? Sheepy: Izou: Yeah. Sheepy: Izou: I hated how he used big words! It confused me. Arsé-kun: Mori: .... I do hope one of us has reached the same conclusion I have. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, so his actual Master is... Sheepy: Holmes: Masanori, huh. Arsé-kun: Angra: Butler McBitch! We did it, we solved the mystery. Sheepy: Izou: What? Arsé-kun: Angra: Don't worry about it! If we see him again, we've got free reign to slay the man! Sheepy: Izou: Do I really? Arsé-kun: Angra: *he looks to Satoru* Do we? Sheepy: Satoru: Um, that doesn't sound like a good idea. Arsé-kun: Angra: Maim? Curse for the rest of his horrible life? Hit him with a car! Sheepy: Satoru: Oh, okay. Arsé-kun: Angra: Hooray! *he is Excited!* Izou-san! Lets get drunk! Sheepy: Izou: What's goin' on, anyway? ...Well, I want alcohol! Sheepy: Izou: Yeah, let's get absolutely smashed! Arsé-kun: Angra: Hell yeah! Arsé-kun: Mori: .... Holmes, if I may? How did you reach your conclusion? Sheepy: Holmes: What? I just listened to the explanation. Sheepy: Holmes: But I had suspicions. Arsé-kun: Mori: It's good to know we were on the same page this time. Sheepy: Holmes: For example... Sheepy: Holmes: He wasn't allowed at Chaldea's ember fields, meaning that his Master wasn't related to Chaldea. Arsé-kun: Mori: And if his Master had perished a more regular way, he would know about it. Sheepy: Holmes: He's dirty and eating out of the trash, meaning that his Master doesn't care about his well being. Arsé-kun: Mori: And this matches much of Masanori's behavior. Sheepy: Holmes: Exactly. Sheepy: Satoru: So is he still Masanori's servant? Or my own...? Sheepy: Izou: I don't care about that guy. You have free booze. Arsé-kun: Mori: I would be inclined to say yours. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh, that's good. Sheepy: Izou: Just don't betray me. Sheepy: Izou: Or I might want to, uh...is the phrase, "bite the hand that feeds me"? Arsé-kun: Mori: That's it, and very understandable. But you will not be betrayed to that level. Sheepy: Izou: Good. And don't give me smelly veggies either. Sheepy: Izou: I hate smelly veggies. Arsé-kun: Mori: That I cannot guarantee. Sheepy: Izou: If you follow all that, I'll be loyal. Sheepy: Satoru: But what if the stinky veggies are good? Sheepy: Izou:....... Sheepy: Izou: *he crosses his arms and tilts his head* ..... Sheepy: Izou: But they're stinky. Arsé-kun: Angra: So were you, what's ya point? Sheepy: Izou:...Okay, fine, I GUESS it's fine, but I won't like it! Sheepy: Holmes: You probably know my name. Sheepy: Izou: I don't. Sheepy: Holmes: Sherlock Holmes. Sheepy: Izou: I don't. Arsé-kun: Mori: *hes just smirking at Sherlock* Sheepy: Holmes: How... Sheepy: Izou: Okay, old man, you next. Arsé-kun: Mori: You are permitted to call me Moriarty. Sheepy: Izou: Alright. Sheepy: Izou: I'm Okada Izou. Arsé-kun: *Minako's hand dives into her pocket for a phone or her compact- Whichever comes first. Who is this guy? Let's find out* Sheepy: Izou: What is that? Arsé-kun: Minako: My phone? You can't eat it. It isn't food, no matter how much we wish it was! Sheepy: Izou: Nah, I was thinking it could be a weapon. Wouldn't be the first time. Sheepy: Izou: I'm that scary! Sheepy: Izou: You see that, right? How scary I am? Sheepy: Satoru: You look like a pomeranian. Arsé-kun: Minako: Oh, you're right.. Sheepy: Izou: Yeah, that sounds real intimidating! Arsé-kun: Angra: .... ....... *he says nothing.* Sheepy: Izou: Yeah, yeah, I look like a pomeranian! Fuhahahaha! I don't even know what that is! I love the sound of it! Sheepy: Izou: You really get it! Sheepy: Satoru: You're fluffy and easily excited like one. Sheepy: Izou:...Wait, what IS a pomeranian!? Arsé-kun: Angra: *he snorts into his booze* Sheepy: Holmes: *he is on google* Okada Izou...huh. Arsé-kun: *Nobody answers the question. But by all the smirks and suppressed laughs, probably not a good thing.* Sheepy: Holmes: *he reads off the brief description on google* Arsé-kun: Mori: Thank you, ace detective, for using your detective skills to open wikipedia. Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, you're welcome. Sheepy: Izou: Once again, I'm not an assassin. Sheepy: Izou: I'm a manslayer. Sheepy: Yan: *he's got his feet up on the table while drinking booze* Arsé-kun: Minako: Who let you in? Sheepy: Yan: Myself? Arsé-kun: Minako: Again? Sheepy: Yan: Yeah. Arsé-kun: Minako: You don't have, like, Chaldea things to do? Sheepy: Yan: Like what? *he takes a sip of the alcohol* Arsé-kun: Minako: Do you just bum around with the doctor's money? Sheepy: Yan: No. Arsé-kun: Minako: That's a surprise. Sheepy: Yan: I don't use her money. Arsé-kun: Minako: Then where do you get any from? Sheepy: Yan: I work? Sheepy: Yan: Old man has paid me before. I won't disclose any other employers of mine. Sheepy: Yan: I WILL say the detective is paying me for something, though. Arsé-kun: Mink: If it's drugs, can you tell me so I can punch him? :) Sheepy: Yan: No, no. Sheepy: Yan: I don't have that sort of stuff anyway. Arsé-kun: Minako: Good! Sheepy: Yan: No, instead- oh, actually, it's important Old Man hears this anyway. Sheepy: Yan: He's paying me not to turn into him. Arsé-kun: Mori: Oh, I can understand that. You would give away his mystery far too quickly. *he seems amused* But what if I pay you more? Sheepy: Yan: Hmmm....... Sheepy: Yan: Oh, that'd work. Arsé-kun: Mori: But did he ever say why? Sheepy: Yan: Something along the lines of... Sheepy: Yan: "The thing inside of me could kill each and every person in this household in the blink of an eye if it so pleased. I don't trust you with that." Arsé-kun: Mori: You know what? That's fair. Sheepy: Yan: But I'm pretty trustworthy. Sheepy: Yan: Anyway, that's a hint, isn't it? That means it's not human. Arsé-kun: Mori: It absolutely is not. I can confirm that much myself. Sheepy: Yan: What do you mean? Arsé-kun: Mori: I spoke to him about it myself. Sheepy: Yan: Huh. Arsé-kun: Mori: Well, let's just agree to try that out nowhere near civilization. But not now. Sheepy: Yan: Yeah, okay. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he looks up. he's cleaned up at least half the booze by himself. the void can take a lot of it, but he seems absolutely hammered based on being unable to stand up for a solid 20 seconds. Yan's leg is used for the assist.* Hey. Hey, bruh, you ever realize how fucked up we really are? Sheepy: Yan: What do you mean? Arsé-kun: Angra: We're all dead already n' shit! And, and then people, like.. *vague hand gestures* the dead people? Does this shit count as necrophilia? And no matter what we do, we're still dead, that's depressing as hell. Sheepy: Yan:....*he takes a rather large sip of his alcohol* Arsé-kun: Angra: I think I jus' gave myself depression. Sheepy: Yan: Good job. Arsé-kun: Angra: You've got like fifteen second opinions, how do I deal with this shit? Sheepy: Yan: What's that supposed to mean?? Sheepy: *Lobo has his snout in Yan's chip bag. Yan is too focused on Angra to notice* Arsé-kun: Angra: How do you, like, stop being depressed so the throne doesn't decide "Ooh that's canon now!" and force it on you every time you start to sort of exist? Sheepy: Yan: I dunno. Sheepy: *Yan absentmindedly goes to put his hand in the chip bag, only to touch Lobo instead* Sheepy: Yan: My chips are weirdly hairy. Arsé-kun: Angra: That's a dog. Sheepy: Yan: ...! Puppy, no, that's human food. Sheepy: Lobo: *he looks up at them, the chip bag on his snout. elegant* Arsé-kun: Angra: th' king of currenpaw, errybody. Sheepy: Yan: I don't really want it anymore. Arsé-kun: Angra: but dammit, I was hopin' for any sorta reply so I could complain at you. All like, "What, you have an answer? Who's you, where's the real Yan at?" Or somethin'. *he thinks he is funny. funny enough to laugh at. angra.* Sheepy: Yan:.... Arsé-kun: Angra: ... What? Sheepy: Yan: Who am I...? Arsé-kun: Mori: All right, that's quite enough of this. *he interrupts and blocks Angra, who may or may not have gotten smacked with a coffin* You're Yan Qing, and that isn't changing. Sheepy: Yan: I...I don't know...! Sheepy: Yan: If that's who I am...then why are they always here!? Why do they keep talking to me!? They're all me, aren't they? What even am I? Arsé-kun: Mori: A gigantic mess vaguely shaped like a human being, with an appreciation for women. Sheepy: Yan:....!? Sheepy: Lobo: *boof* Sheepy: Yan: Does that mean I'm human...or do I just look it...? Arsé-kun: Mori: You're more human than any present Avengers. Sheepy: Yan:....Ah....you're right. Arsé-kun: Mori: *he covers his mouth with one hand, slightly muffling his own voice* Earth to Assassin, are you still in there? Hello, hello? *he reaches up with his free hand to... ruffle Yan's hair. aw.* We are departing planet Meltdown for a return trip to Earth. Can you read, over? Sheepy: Yan:...? Sheepy: Yan: Wh...what...? Arsé-kun: Mori: Welcome back to Earth, Assassin. *he makes a radio static sound. krshhh* You were going straight for an endless loop of existential crisis. Sheepy: Yan: I...I'm sorry, I'm feeling better. Sheepy: Lobo: *he tilts his head. where did that noise come from* Arsé-kun: Mori: Don't apologize. *krshh* What outlaw apologizes for a minor inconvenience? *he finally uncovers his mouth. he does not, however, take his coffin off of Angra, who tried to move it at some point and it is now on top of him. He deserved it.* Sheepy: Lobo: *he tilts his head the other way* Sheepy: Yan: Thank you. Arsé-kun: Mori: Of course. Just don't make a deal of it. Reputation, you understand. Sheepy: Yan: Yes, I do. Arsé-kun: Mori: Then consider this moment of weakness ignored and discarded in exchange. Sheepy: Yan: Thank you. Sheepy: Yan: Puppy, you won't tell anyone, right? Arsé-kun: Mori: *he cups his hands over his mouth again to Krshh at Lobo. extreme teasing* Sheepy: Lobo: ????? Sheepy: Lobo: *he slowly lifts up a paw before ... slapping it over Yan's mouth* Sheepy: Yan: Puppy, why?! Sheepy: Lobo: ?!?!?! Arsé-kun rolled a die. The die showed: 6 Arsé-kun: Mori: *try not to laugh. succeed. Krshh at Lobo again with eye contact* Sheepy: Lobo: *he sniffs at Mori's hand. how is he doing this* Arsé-kun: *Mori holds his hands out for Lobo* Sheepy: Lobo: *he sniffs at both. why do they smell like chips* Arsé-kun: Mori: *he swats the chips off of Lobo's nose* Sheepy: Lobo:....! *what fell, what was that* Sheepy: Yan: *he's petting Lobo. big. fluffy* Arsé-kun: *Mink has opted to give this episode some space and started messaging Haku. Now she gets an update AND has to stop working for ten seconds. Tepes approves already. Two birds, one Gandr* Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] What is it? Arsé-kun: Mink: [text: to Haku] Issss it normal for ur Assass to just sorta uh, existential break for a minute? Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] Yes. Arsé-kun: Mink: [text: to Haku] oh. I thought that was a bad thing. I mean Mori.san dealt with it really fast,? But uh Arsé-kun: Mink: [text: to Haku] I remember the rules! Should I bring him back to you so that doesnt, again? Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] Yes, it's a bad thing, and... Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] Yes, please bring him. Arsé-kun: Mink: [text: to Haku] Ok!! 👌👌👌 I'll pull him off Lobo and we'll be there! Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] Thank You Arsé-kun: Mink: [text: to Haku] You're welcome, Haku, Miss! Be there soon!! Sheepy: Lobo: *he gently nudges Mori with his snout. he'll find the source of the noise eventually* Arsé-kun: Mori: Yes? Yes, what is it? Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] Ok Sheepy: Lobo: *he tilts his head* Arsé-kun: Minako: *she thinks about how she's going to go about this. What would Mephisto do? ... This is a very bad course of thinking and takes a few bad plans to reach a good one that does not require explosives.* Arsé-kun: Mori: *he grins at Lobo and... KRRSSHH!* Sheepy: Lobo:!!! Sheepy: *Lobo sniffs at Mori's face. where is it coming from* Arsé-kun: *the sound is coming from the Moriarty!* Sheepy: Lobo:...! *he looks excited! How is he doing that!?* Arsé-kun: Minako: Not to interrupt or anything, but hey, Assassin. If I pay, can I borrow you to help me get pizzas? :D c Sheepy: Yan: Mm? Oh, okay. Sheepy: Yan: Okay, Puppy, be good while I'm gone. Don't eat too much out of the garbage. Sheepy: Lobo: *he yawns in Yan's face* Arsé-kun: Minako: Cool, thanks! Here's the, uh, 'thanks for helping' start payment! *she hands Yan some cash and a few embers. mmm good shit* Sheepy: Yan: *he pockets them and gets up* Great, let's go! Arsé-kun: *Mori finally "notices" his coffin is on Angra and frees the poor bastard right before they Head Outtie. Chaldea, hoooo* Sheepy: Yan: So, what pizza are we getting? Arsé-kun: *Minako promptly goes OFF about pizza. Girl likes her pizza, and knows how everybody in her crew (except Sherlock) likes it! She will learn his order eventually and he'll damn like it* Sheepy: Yan: Huh. Arsé-kun: Minako: So anyway, you're helping, so I'll buy you some too. Sheepy: Yan: Oh, that's great! Sheepy: Yan: I like...actually, I don't really care what's on it. Sheepy: Yan: I like experimenting. Sheepy: Yan: There's no food I really hate so I'll accept anything. Arsé-kun: Minako: So we figure it out when we get there, gotcha! Sheepy: Yan: Yeah, just mess me up. Arsé-kun: Tepes: I'm just as capable of that. *he strolls in, grabs Yan, and goes to exit scene. oh.* Sheepy: Yan: OH? Arsé-kun: *But the most important part of any plan is improvising on the fly!!* Sheepy: Yan: But my pizza! Arsé-kun: Minako: Oh, no, my pizza buddy! *and she "chases" after Tepes, at the speed of a brisk walk, maybe even, if she's daring, a jog.* Arsé-kun: Tepes: I found him, dear. It was far less trying than I expected. Sheepy: Haku: Thank you. Sheepy: Yan: I've been tricked, betrayed! Arsé-kun: Tepes: ..? Sheepy: Yan: That's why I was dragged out, out of the comfort of Puppy's fur! Arsé-kun: Minako: My evil plot's been foiled! *she catches up* I was really going to give you pizza, too! Sheepy: Yan: Pizza... Sheepy: Yan: Why did you want me, Tepes? Sheepy: Yan: Oh, oh! My dashing good looks and charming smile havs finally gotten to you! Hehe! Arsé-kun: Tepes: I was only informed of the 'Bringing you here' portion of this so called "evil plot". ... And I'm still straight. Sheepy: Yan: Oh!? So it's not that after all? Arsé-kun: Tepes: If it's ever that, assume I am completely broken and most likely need to be put down. Sheepy: Yan: You're so cruel... Sheepy: Yan: What about you, Haku?! Sheepy: Haku: No. Sheepy: Yan: Oh...such a quick response... Sheepy: Yan: But, like, I'm attractive, aren't I? Arsé-kun: Caligula: roma Arsé-kun: *thank you for your input, caligula. it is very useful.* Sheepy: Yan: See, Caligula agrees. Sheepy: Haku: Hmm. Arsé-kun: Minako: I already paid him to help with my pizza run..! Can we get that out of the way at least? Sheepy: Haku: Go ahead. Sheepy: Gawain: I want pizza, too. Sheepy: Yan: Oh! Great! You can buy it! Arsé-kun: Cali: *pizza run? run? running? olympic running? greeks? romans? roma? roma!* *with this incredible stretch of logic and wisdom, Caligula decides to grab Yan and exit the scene at a high speed. Goodbye. it is pizza run time.* Sheepy: Gawain: And there they go. Sheepy: Haku: Oh, that frightens me. Arsé-kun: Minako: ... Uh, okay. I'm glad I told him the order at least? Sheepy: Haku: That's fortunate. Arsé-kun: Minako: I hope he remembers it? Sheepy: Gawain: But he didn't get mine. Sheepy: Yan: [text: to Mink] Like 15 cheeses huh Arsé-kun: Mink: ..... ..... He did not. Sheepy: Gawain: But my order. Arsé-kun: *mink carefully types out the entire thing, clearly, in list format, edited for clarity and spelling, and then pauses* Arsé-kun: Minako: I'll add it in, what'cha want, Sir? Sheepy: Gawain: I like pineapple pizza. Arsé-kun: Minako: Okay! *she adds that in and sends it off. no judgement, surprisingly* Sheepy: Gawain: I can give you the equivalent in flowers. *he laughs* I do have money, though, so I'll pay you for mine. Sheepy: Gawain: *he takes out his wallet* But you should visit my flower shop. I'll give you a discount. Arsé-kun: Minako: Oooh! I'll have to stop by later then! :Dc Sheepy: Gawain: Yeah! Arsé-kun: Minako: But uh... Yeah, Probably should have stopped that whole thing from happening. Sorry about that! Sheepy: Haku: I understand. Arsé-kun: Minako: Am... I allowed to ask about all that, or is that a patient confidence thing? Arsé-kun: Minako: Cuz, uhm.. Moriarty-san dealt with it really fast, like it's a thing we should know about? Sheepy: Haku: Oh. Sheepy: Haku: He's not a full servant. Sheepy: Haku: He's mixed with a phantom, Doppelganger Arsé-kun: Minako: So like... A second of himself? Sheepy: Haku: Of everyone he's killed. Arsé-kun: Minako: And that's... A lot? Sheepy: Haku: It allows him to transform into anyone, but the voices of his victims remain. Sheepy: Haku: Yes. Arsé-kun: Minako: Yikes. Good thing he's with you then, I guess? Sheepy: Gawain: He's always eyeing the same women I am, so if your plan is to let him stay with them... Sheepy: Gawain: Oh, I should ask him for the phone number he got. Arsé-kun: Tepes: That is your priority? Sheepy: Gawain: What should my priority be? Arsé-kun: Tepes: Not phone numbers of randoms you haven't met yourself. Sheepy: Gawain: Well, do you have any better ideas? Arsé-kun: Tepes: Meet people yourself? Sheepy: Gawain: I do, but usually only for one night. Arsé-kun: Tepes: Go directly to church, do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Sheepy: Gawain: Oh, it's not as though I don't still love my wife. Sheepy: Gawain: However, now that I'm a servant, I can have fun, maybe find a new wife in the process. Arsé-kun: Tepes: .... Fair enough. Sheepy: Gawain: You're no different. Sheepy: Gawain: I just choose different tactics. More bold tactics. Arsé-kun: Minako: ... Hey, I just caught something. What'd you mean 'Let him stay with them'?? Sheepy: Gawain: Well, if Moriarty helps him a lot, wouldn't it be better if he stayed with Moriarty? Arsé-kun: Minako: Makes sense, but he isn't mine? Sheepy: Gawain: He could be. Arsé-kun: Minako: Moriarty isn't mine, I mean! I've got objections about Yan but.. Wait, he doesn't live here? Sheepy: Haku: He bums off of everyone here, but especially us. Arsé-kun: Minako: So he does! He said he didn't! Sheepy: Haku: He's not my Servant, but he likes Tepes, Caligula, and me. He also likes both our and Gawain's food. Sheepy: Haku: That's usually why he's seen with me. Sheepy: Gawain:...Hey, hold on... Sheepy: Gawain: You forgot me in that first list. Sheepy: Haku: But anyway, who is Moriarty's master? How close do they live to you? Arsé-kun: Minako: My neighbor, and my neighbor. Sheepy: Haku: I don't know. You or your neighbor might be best with taking him, but he'd probably end up staying here just as often as he already does. Sheepy: Haku: He's a part of different clubs and has close friends who live here. Arsé-kun: Minako: I don't think that'd be a problem. I mean, some of mine come here two or three times a week already. Sheepy: Haku: That's good. Sheepy: Haku: Are you fine with this? We'll need to ask him when he gets back. Arsé-kun: Minako: I'm fine with it! Sheepy: Haku: Good. Sheepy: Gawain: I get more chances at women this way. Thanks for that. Arsé-kun: *Tepes pinches the bridge of his nose. Jesus Christ.* Sheepy: Gawain: You need to learn how to have more fun in life. Arsé-kun: Tepes: I can have fun without shamelessly flirting with every woman I spot, thank you. Sheepy: Gawain: I have an idea! Sheepy: Gawain: You can go out with me next time. Arsé-kun: Tepes: Why not take Caligula? You'll look far better next to him. Sheepy: Gawain: I'd look far better next to you, too. Arsé-kun: Tepes: I'm detecting an insult. Sheepy: Gawain: I'd never. Arsé-kun: Tepes: And if you have realized, what you have said also translates to "Hey, vampire, come out at night surrounded by a lot of people." Please spot the problem. Sheepy: Gawain: Oh, I forgot you were a vampire. Arsé-kun: Tepes: For now, I'll respectfully decline your offer, unless you come across a daytime event. Then I may consider it. Sheepy: Gawain: I can arrange for it to be a daytime event. Arsé-kun: Tepes: No, no. Sheepy: Gawain: Why? Arsé-kun: Tepes: Don't force others' to plan around me. Sheepy: Gawain: Well, alright. Arsé-kun: Cali: PIZZA! *thank you for your announcement, Caligula. He is carrying... Two boxes. Out of how much?* Sheepy: Gawain: I hope one is pineapple! Sheepy: Yan: Tepes! Gawain! I'm dying! Arsé-kun: Tepes: It's just a few boxes. Are you a Heroic Spirit, or some kind of mouse? Sheepy: Yan: It's HOT!! Sheepy: Yan: ...But not as hot as me- AaaaAAAA DON'T FALL!! Sheepy: Gawain: He stole my line...he has to go. Arsé-kun: Tepes: *he moves in for the Assist. he's help* Arsé-kun: Cali: pizza Sheepy: Yan: You could've helped, Caligula. Arsé-kun: Cali: Rgh? *he puts down his boxes* ?? Sheepy: Yan: You left me with everything else.. Arsé-kun: Cali: *he takes the stack from Yan and puts it down. He has now helped. Confused thumbs up.* Sheepy: Yan: Owowow...it was so hot! Sheepy: Gawain: Like- Sheepy: Yan: Like me. Arsé-kun: Tepes: Stop. Sheepy: Yan: But who else will say it if not me? Arsé-kun: Tepes: Anyone else with an ego over ten. Sheepy: Yan: But comic relief is one of my defining character traits. Arsé-kun: *Tepes opts out of giving this a response.* Arsé-kun: Minako: Anyway! You've made it this far! A bit more and we're home! With pizza! Arsé-kun: *she is eyeing the pizza boxes already. mm. pizz.* Sheepy: Yan: You're right. Arsé-kun: Minako: You can stay too, if you want! Sheepy: Yan: Huh? Arsé-kun: Minako: I mean, you're over enough! Sheepy: Yan: ....! Arsé-kun: Minako: I'm pretty sure nobody hates you on my end, and considering who I've got, that's impressive! Sheepy: Yan: Thank you...! Arsé-kun: Minako: You're welcome!!! Arsé-kun: Mephisto: What're you doin', Master? Dating a boy? *how long has he been there, in the doorway?* Without me, even?? *he's kidding, I hope.* Sheepy: Yan: What? Arsé-kun: Minako: Please, no. *she is unfazed by 100% of that. She knew he was there.* I won't stop you though! Go forth and be gay, and merry, and help us bring home pizza. Arsé-kun: *Mephisto considers this, and promptly fucks off. Oh.* Arsé-kun: Minako: ... So I'm still paying you in full I guess, Assassin! Sheepy: Yan: Oh, for what? Arsé-kun: Minako: For... Carrying pizza?? Sheepy: Yan:...Great! Arsé-kun: *OK enough dicking around, they're gonna get home eventually, with the pizza, and Yan gets paid right before that. cash fuckin' money* Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, it's pizza. Arsé-kun: Mephisto: Yeah, it is! Did you think I was making it up? Sheepy: Holmes: No, I didn't. Sheepy: Holmes: I hope you enjoy it. I'll be passing, of course. Arsé-kun: Minako: Eh? Sheepy: Holmes: I'm not hungry currently. Arsé-kun: Proto: It's pizza time, hurry! Dibs, I call first dibs! *and he zips in, nearly faceplanting into the table. gg idiot* Sheepy: Holmes: That's the benefit of being a Servant. Arsé-kun: Minako: Fair enough, but if you want some later, there might not be any! Sheepy: Holmes: I don't have an interest in it, and Watson would kill me if he found me eating it. Arsé-kun: Minako: What's he gonna do to you? Hit you for resisted damage? Sheepy: Holmes: Nag me. Arsé-kun: Minako: Is nagging strong against Rulers? Sheepy: Holmes: Perhaps. Arsé-kun: Minako: I'll have to try that later! Sheepy: Holmes: For what reason? Arsé-kun: Minako: For science? Sheepy: Holmes: I'd rather you didn't. Sheepy: Gil: *he huffs* Mongrel food again? Arsé-kun: Minako: You're gonna eat it anyway. Sheepy: Kogil: I like pep- Sheepy: Gil: Pepperoni is garbage, pup. Sheepy: Gil: Cheese is better. Arsé-kun: Minako: Thank you for your opinions, kings! I didn't ask! Sheepy: Gil: Hah, if he wants to be a king, he needs to know how a king thinks. Arsé-kun: Lance: ... A king thinks "Is this edible?" and then eats it. Immediately, without comment. Sheepy: Gil: That's how a peasant thinks. Arsé-kun: Lance: ... No, you. *he's got no witty comebacks, and glances towards Yan* ..? Sheepy: Yan: Hi hi! I'm living here now. Sheepy: Yan: I don't know why but that's what's been decided. Arsé-kun: Lance: Aaah? That is.. It's something. Unexpected? Sheepy: Yan: Actually, Gawain was cheering in his own way. Arsé-kun: Lance: Git. Sheepy: Yan: Huh? Sheepy: Yan: He's burly and looks like a football player so he's not really attractive. He asks me for phone numbers often. Sheepy: Yan: So he probably thinks he got rid of competition. Arsé-kun: Lance: He still..? ... GorrRRrrilla morrron. Sheepy: Yan: I don't get why. Sheepy: Yan: I just like talking to pretty people, and I like it even more when they compliment me. Sheepy: Yan: But Gawain sees me as competition... Arsé-kun: Lance: Everrryone is competition... Don't worry about ittt.. Sheepy: Yan: Even you? Arsé-kun: Lance: I hope nooot. Sheepy: Yan: Are men in armor hot nowadays? Sheepy: Holmes: Depending on the temperature, yes. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: You've made Hyde very happy with that answer. I don't have to say it now, thank you. Sheepy: Holmes: You're welcome. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: And thank you for dinner, Master. You too, Assassin. Sheepy: Yan: No problem. Arsé-kun: Minako: Of course! Sheepy: Lobo: *he struts in and flops over dramatically onto Lance* Arsé-kun: Lance: Nooooooooonnn! *he tries to get out from under Lobo* Sheepy: Lobo: *whine* Sheepy: Yan: Puppy! Sheepy: *...Despite his whining, Lobo's tail is wagging. He's very aware of his manipulation and is happy about it.* Arsé-kun: *Lance does not escape. He accepts his fate to starve.* Sheepy: Yan: Puppy, you can have my pizza if you get off of him. Sheepy: Lobo: *he gives Yan a suspicious look* Sheepy: *Lobo hesitantly gets off of Lance* Arsé-kun: *Lancelot is dead. Not really. But he's already committed.* Sheepy: Gil: A king doesn't beg. He demands. Sheepy: Lobo: *he turns to Gil before...eating his slice of pizza.* Arsé-kun: Medusa: I don't know what you expected. Sheepy: Gil: Not that! How dare him! Arsé-kun: Andersen: Just take another, your highness. And while you're up there, pass me a plate. Sheepy: Gil: *he huffs, but surprisingly does so* Arsé-kun: Andersen: Thank you. You're spared. Sheepy: Gil: Be grateful, mongrel! Arsé-kun: Andersen: I am. Sheepy: Gil: Fuhahaha! Excellent! Arsé-kun: Andersen: So what? Is this uncertain jeste- Arsé-kun: Mephisto: Hey, wait. Sheepy: Yan: Huh? Arsé-kun: Andersen: You're a piece of shit, not a jester. Anyway, is this uncertain tall drink of water and booze staying with us now? Sheepy: Yan: Me? Arsé-kun: Andersen: Yes, you. Sheepy: Yan: Yeah, that's apparently the case. Arsé-kun: Andersen: Finally, an assassin that keeps their class. It's about time. Sheepy: Yan: Yeah! Sorta. Arsé-kun: Andersen: More than Twit and Twat over here. Good enough. Sheepy: Yan: Great! Sheepy: Holmes: You're only missing Avenger, R..ider, you do have a rider... Arsé-kun: Medusa: Do you have eyes? Sheepy: Holmes: Exactly two, no more. Arsé-kun: Medusa: Do they both work? Do you need a hint from the peanut gallery? Arsé-kun: *she's genuinely asking, that's not sarcasm* Sheepy: Holmes: I'm aware you're a rider. Arsé-kun: Medusa: Then what is missing? Avenger and what? Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmm? Sheepy: Holmes: Did I say there were two missing? Sheepy: Holmes: I only meant Avenger. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, of course ... Sheepy: Holmes: We're also missing, of the special classes, Shielder, Alter Ego, Moon Cancer...yes, that's it. Arsé-kun: Minako: And let's maybe not get that last one. Sheepy: Holmes: Right. Sheepy: Emiya: ....*he raises his eyebrows* Arsé-kun: Andersen: Skip Alter Ego. They're all extremely difficult in different ways. Sheepy: Holmes: That's understandable. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: And the single Shielder belongs to Chaldea. We'd have to pass. Sheepy: Emiya: What about Foreigner? Arsé-kun: Minako: ...?? *she's got her mouth full* ???? Sheepy: Holmes: *he forces a smile* I don't know of it. Arsé-kun: Andersen: .... ..... Arsé-kun: Minako: What's foreigner? That new? Sheepy: Emiya: Ah, Master. Based on what I've heard, the Foreigner class is a recently discovered class. Arsé-kun: Minako: That's kinda exciting! What do they do? Sheepy: Emiya: As the name implies, it consists of hosts of otherworldly beings. Sheepy: Emiya: Berserkers do very little to them. Arsé-kun: Minako: Berserkers... I don't like that very much. Sheepy: Emiya: They, meanwhile, easily slaughter Berserkers. Be careful. Sheepy: Holmes:.... Arsé-kun: Minako: Noted. Thanks, Emiya-san. Sheepy: Holmes: (What do we do?) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (...? We're doing something? Why?) Sheepy: Holmes: (It's clear Andersen suspects us.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (Who?) Sheepy: Holmes: (The one with blue hair and glasses.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (... Why are you asking me..? My answer is always 'flatten it') Sheepy: Holmes: (...Right, thanks.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (You're... Welcome?) Sheepy: Holmes: You might want to try to find one to deal with Berserkers, then. Arsé-kun: Minako: But we can hit Berserkers with anything. Sheepy: Holmes: But they do extra damage in turn. Arsé-kun: Minako: Ehhh.. *she shrugs* Bomb 'em and run like hell, I guess. Sheepy: Holmes: I see. Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (I don't!) Sheepy: Holmes: (I know) Sheepy: Holmes: (But you have my eyes.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (It helps a lot!) Sheepy: Holmes: (I'm glad.) Arsé-kun: *Hans continues to be suspicious. Nothing has changed. But thankfully, he's the only one. Maybe?* Sheepy: Holmes:..... Arsé-kun: Andersen: ...... Sheepy: Holmes: Did you have something you wanted to ask me? Arsé-kun: Andersen: I did. Sheepy: Holmes: What is it? Arsé-kun: Andersen: *he scribbles something down on a napkin, folds it, and passes it over.* That. Sheepy: Holmes: *he reads it* Arsé-kun: *All it says is "I won't say anything, Sir." There's a bad thumbs up emoji next to it. "Why do you look more introspective than Henry when Hyde's being a bitch?"* Sheepy: Holmes: *he writes something down and passes it back* Arsé-kun: Andersen: *he takes it and opens it* Sheepy: *"I have a companion of my own, who happens to be relevant currently."* Arsé-kun: Andersen: ... *he nods to Sherlock and pockets the napkin* Sheepy: Gil: What am I missing? Sheepy: Gil: I don't care but I don't appreciate secrets being hid from me. Arsé-kun: Andersen: We're talking shit about Mr. Twat. Sheepy: Gil: Oh, I really don't care then. Arsé-kun: Andersen: I knew you had it in you. Sheepy: Gil: What? Arsé-kun: Andersen: Doesn't a great king not care what the peasants say? Sheepy: Kogil: He cares because it's his job to serve his people. Arsé-kun: Andersen: So I can't call him a nosy bitch and move on with my life? What a shame. Sheepy: Kogil: Huh? Oh, no, he is. Sheepy: Gil: Oh...you... Sheepy: Gil: You...! Arsé-kun: Andersen: .... ... You weren't supposed to agree with me. I enjoy living. Sheepy: Kogil: Curiosity is what makes us human. Sheepy: Kogil: Unfortunately, being nosy is being a little too curious. Arsé-kun: Medusa: So what's that make the floating cupcake? *he points up to Mephisto, who looks more amused than insulted* A moron? Sheepy: Kogil: Humanity isn't something you're born with. Sheepy: Kogil: It's something you achieve. Sheepy: Kogil: Anyone can become human. They just have to want to try. Sheepy: Gil: Why would they want to? Arsé-kun: Medusa: It's better than being a beast. Sheepy: Gil: Hah. It's true. Arsé-kun: Medusa: Most things are better than that, though. It's kind of a low bar. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: *he shifts a bit closer to Yan, getting out of Lance's way* ... It's nice to have another Assassin on board. We get pressured beyond belief against Riders, haha.. Sheepy: Yan: That really sounds like a problem. Sheepy: Yan: But worry not! I have experience with Riders. Sheepy: Yan: Like Puppy used to be a Rider. Weren't you, Puppy? Sheepy: Lobo: *he lifts his head up from sniffing at Lance and blinks at Yan* Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Was he? I would understand if his, well, rider was, but he himself? Sheepy: Yan: They act as one unit. Sheepy: Yan: But he isn't three phantoms combined into one. Sheepy: Yan: Those are just the three who survived. Sheepy: Yan: Lobo ate the rest to gain their powers, which is how he ended up an Avenger. Sheepy: Yan: But before that, they were just the Rider class. Sheepy: Yan: Kind of like Kintoki's motorcycle. He is the rider, but without his motorcycle, can he really be called one? It's the motorcycle that defines him as a Rider, and therefore, it's a part of his identity as a Rider. Simply, it too could be considered part of the Rider class. Sheepy: Yan: However, it couldn't be summoned without Kintoki, because its identity isn't well known. Likewise, Kintoki couldn't be summoned within the Rider class without his motorcycle. Similarly, Lobo couldn't be summoned without his rider nor Jack, which could be said for the other two. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I understand entirely. Sheepy: Yan: That's the situation Old Man and I have as well. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Let me see if I got this straight. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: It's like trying to summon me without Hyde, or Hyde without me. Without the other, neither of us are worth much. Sheepy: Yan: Mostly. Sheepy: Yan: We couldn't survive without our partner. Sheepy: Yan: Our presence isn't strong enough. We're just phantoms. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I'd believe it still applies, honestly. At least to me. Sheepy: Yan: But even little droplets of rain add up to a flood. Sheepy: Yan: So when enough phantoms come together... Sheepy: Yan: Our power is such of a Heroic Spirit's. Sheepy: Yan: So very similar to your situation. Sheepy: Yan: But while you two come from the same source, we get merged with strangers. Sheepy: Yan: Really, the one who intimidates me in that respect is Old Man. The whole thing about his partner phantom's story is hurting the one you love unintentionally. Sheepy: Yan: Lobo's just many hateful spirits in one, and I'm not of much interest in that respect. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: *he thinks about this.* I... "I" want to know now, but I think if you've got no interest in talking about it, then lets pass it by. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: But could that be why he and Sherlock haven't knocked the walls down yet? Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Because if he comes to care for Sherlock, the bullets might target him? Sheepy: Yan: I don't think so. Sheepy: Yan: I think they're mutually using each other to some extent, and... Arsé-kun: Jekyll: ... And? Sheepy: Yan: Look at it this way. Let's say they fought, and that cursed bullet was accidentally shot. Sheepy: Yan: Who do you think it would hit? Arsé-kun: Jekyll: ... Ah, I see what you were saying. Mutual avoidance. Sheepy: Yan: It's too dangerous for someone in that situation to fight unnecessarily. Sheepy: Yan: I'm sure Holmes recognizes that too. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Oh, certainly. Arsé-kun: Medusa: You two can just ask him. He's right here. Or is this normal Assassin business? Sheepy: Yan: Yeah, it's normal Assassin business. Sheepy: Yan: It's an exclusive club. Sheepy: Yan: But yeah, that's all I've got. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I suppose I'll keep it in mind. And try to keep it in "his" too. Sheepy: Yan: Great! Arsé-kun: Minako: Oh, and thanks for behaving this time, everybody! *she lifts up her hand. two command seals have Returned* I'm glad we didn't need to enact violence! Sheepy: Gil: Hah, I could take them if I so pleased. Arsé-kun: Minako: I can take your controllers if I pleased, so what? Sheepy: Gil: I could buy new ones. Arsé-kun: Minako: And while you're gone, hide everything else. Sheepy: Gil:.....My POINT is that you have no control over me. Arsé-kun: Minako: Ok. Sheepy: Gil: Kuhahahaha! You see now, how powerless you are against me, mongrel! Sheepy: Gil: Be grateful! Sheepy: Gil: I have decided to allow you to put on this charade still! Arsé-kun: Minako: Thank you so much for your opinions! They're worth money I think. Sheepy: Gil: Kuhahahaha! Of course! Sheepy: Gil: And you're getting it for free! Sheepy: Gil: Be grateful, mongrel! Arsé-kun: Minako: I'm a bit more grateful for not living on the street, but thanks anyway! Sheepy: Gil: You're welcome. Sheepy: *later, at night!*      Sheepy: --- Drip.  Drip.  Drip. The rain was falling harshly upon Bedivere and Lucan as they carried their king to safety.  They barely recognized its uncomfortable sogginess as they slowly persevered.  Bedivere was barely conscious of his surroundings until he heard his brother let out a soft, pained groan. “...Lucan, you should rest.  I can carry him on my own.” “Don’t worry, I’m fine... it’s just a bit more, isn’t it?”  Lucan smiled, but Bedivere couldn’t focus on that. Bright red droplets caught his eye - a sight he had seen regularly that day. Drip.  Drip.  Drip. Blood was pooling from Lucan’s body. but his smile didn’t fade.  He couldn’t let it fade.  No, his king needed him.  His brother needed him.  Once he loses his smile, he loses everything. “Lucan... you’re bleeding.” “I’ve had worse,” Lucan laughed, cut off midway by a sharp pain within him that shook him to his core.  But he has to keep smiling.  He needs to. Drip.  Drip.  Drip. Thud. ”LUCAN!” Lucan couldn’t summon the strength to respond.  It felt as though his insides had just exploded.  His brother’s screams were just background noises as things grew dark, leaving Bedivere alone with his king. “LUCAN...!” Bedivere shot up from his bed, still crying out his brother’s name.  The only response he received was the light rain outside. Drip.  Drip.  Drip. Bedivere used to love the rain.  Now all it reminds him of is his failure as a knight. --- Arsé-kun: *Good morning, Bedivere! It is, in fact, lightly raining. According to Merlin's pink digital clock, it is approximately 4:30 AM.* Arsé-kun: *Also of note is Merlin's apparent absence, which is a mystery easily solved. Idiot fell off the bed. The Grand Caster, everybody.* Sheepy: *Bedi looks over at Merlin and contemplates waking him to get him off of the floor* Arsé-kun: *Merlin certainly isn't taking any action to deal with this.* Sheepy: *Bedi gets out of bed and gently shakes Merlin* Sheepy: Bedi: Ummm... Arsé-kun: Merlin: ..... Aye..? Sheepy: Bedi: You're sleeping on the floor. Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... So I was... *He slowly sits up and blinks himself into at least some alertness.* ... Why AM I on the floor..? Sheepy: Bedi: I probably shoved you off, but maybe you rolled off. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I don't feel sore, so probably did it myself. Oopsies!~ :P c Sheepy: Bedi: I'd recommend not sleeping on the floor. Arsé-kun: Merlin: You're right. But why are you down here with me? Sheepy: Bedi: I, uh, I woke up from a nightmare. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he immediately looks concerned* Are you okay? Sheepy: Bedi: It's no problem! I'm fine. Arsé-kun: Merlin: If you say so.. Are you coming back to bed? Sheepy: Bedi: I think I'm up for the night. Sheepy: Bedi: It's difficult to sleep through the rain. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Aww. Well, hopefully it'll stop soon, for your sake. Sheepy: Bedi: Thank you. I'll be fine. This is normal. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's what worries me. *he pats Bedi's shoulder, then drags himself up and back onto the bed. Ugh. MOVING. What a CHORE.* Sheepy: Bedi: There's no need to worry. It's normal, so I'm used to it. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That's why I'm worried!! You're going to go Stockholm on your own nightmares.. Sheepy: Bedi:....? Arsé-kun: Merlin: ... I'll tell you in the morning. Sheepy: Bedi: *he forces a smile* Thank you. I'll try to remember in case you forget. Arsé-kun: Merlin: 'Welcome. *he rolls over and pulls the blanket back up.* Sheepy: Bedi: Good night. Arsé-kun: Merlin: 'Ight. Sheepy: Bedi: *he waits for a bit before heading out of the room to find something to do* Arsé-kun: *It's quiet. But not too quiet. This is not a horror film.* Sheepy: Bedi: *is anyone up?* Arsé-kun: *Well, the vampires and Rider, playing a silent game of cards. Vlad looks #done* Sheepy: Lobo: *he is looking at the cards blankly* Sheepy: Lobo: *he looks up and begins snarling* Arsé-kun: Vlad: ...? Sheepy: Bedi: I'm sorry for interrupting. Sheepy: Bedi: I was just looking for something to do. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Ah, that is fine. Do you wish to join us? Sheepy: Bedi: I'm not very good at cards, but... Arsé-kun: Vlad: You do not have to be. Sheepy: Bedi: Then I'd like to join. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Pull up a seat. We're only playing go fish. Sheepy: Bedi: *he pulls up a seat and sits at the table* Arsé-kun: *Vlad deals him a hand and the game continues* Sheepy: Lobo: *he flops over on the ground partway through the game* Arsé-kun: *His cards are distributed accordingly* Sheepy: Bedi: This reminds me of the games I used to play with my fellow knights. Sheepy: Bedi: Some of us were more competitive than others, such as... Sheepy: Bedi:...Sir Lancelot and Sir Gawain. Sheepy: Bedi: Meanwhile, Sir Tristan would fall asleep, on the opposite side of the spectrum. Arsé-kun: Vlad: I'm rather glad this Lancelot does not join us, then. This is not meant to be competitive. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, I agree. Although...I doubt the Berserker would act that way Sheepy: Bedi: However, Saber... Arsé-kun: Vlad: ... I would fear for our quiet evenings. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, our games would get intense very quickly. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Amadeus would have our heads. Sheepy: Bedi: ...However, I would be lying if I said I didn't miss those days. ... Ah, Mozart.... Sheepy: Bedi:...He probably already wants my head. Sheepy: Bedi: I'm sorry if my shouting bothered you. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Not at all. Sheepy: Bedi: I'm happy to hear that. Sheepy: Lobo: *he has turned his attention to chewing on a squeaky toy* Arsé-kun: Vlad: ... This is why. Sheepy: Bedi: Poor Mozart... Arsé-kun: *Suddenly flying down the stairs and whizzing past the table is what looks like a football. Lobo! Get the football!* Sheepy: Lobo: *he launches at the football and grabs it with his teeth* Arsé-kun: *No more squeaky noises!* Sheepy: Lobo: *he plops down on the ground next to Vlad and continues chewing on the football* Arsé-kun: Mozart: How utterly awful that was! *he has arrived downstairs* Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize for my shouting. Arsé-kun: Mozart: That's quite fine. It isn't something you can help. Squeaky toys at 3 am, however... *he shoots Lobo a dirty glare* Sheepy: Lobo: *he ignores Mozart in favor of focusing on the football* Arsé-kun: Mozart: *he snatches up the squeaky toy, and goes to exit after a quick little wave. goodbye mozart* Sheepy: Lobo: *he looks up and blinks. where did his squeaky toy go* Arsé-kun: *it vanished! (thank god)* Sheepy: Lobo: *he stands up and starts sniffing around. does Vlad have it?* Arsé-kun: *Vlad holds his hands up. He does not have it!* Sheepy: Lobo: *he sniffs at Vlad's hands* Arsé-kun: *no toy! Vlad pats his nose though* Sheepy: Lobo: *he nuzzles Vlad in response* Arsé-kun: *good shit op* Sheepy: Bedi: I feel like I should be doing something of importance, being up this late. Arsé-kun: Vlad: It does often feel that way, doesn't it? But perhaps there is. Sheepy: Bedi: There's something I should be doing... Arsé-kun: Vlad: Perhaps, perhaps not. Sheepy: Bedi: What do you think it could be? Arsé-kun: Vlad: I would have no idea. Why don't you take a walk around the halls? It's unlikely you'll be interrupted. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh! Good idea. Arsé-kun: Vlad: And while you do that.. Carmilla? Shall we go out and get lunch? Sheepy: Carmilla: Yeah, sure. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Great, because I was going to go no matter the answer. Sheepy: Carmilla: Wow. Arsé-kun: Vlad: We'd better get going, then, before it gets light out. Sheepy: Carmilla: Yeah. Arsé-kun: *spoop patrol exits scene.* Sheepy: *Bedi, meanwhile, is walking through the halls* Arsé-kun: *It's dark. It's quiet. It's kinda nice, but also a little bit spooky.* Sheepy: *Bedi doesn't mind it.* Arsé-kun: *Thankfully his eyes have adjusted to the darkness, so he can see where he is going. Only the furthest parts of the hall are hard to see, and for some reason a nearby doorway. Maybe it's just the angle he's on.* Sheepy: Bedi:....? Sheepy: *Bedi goes to investigate* Arsé-kun: *It's very dark, even up close. Like, super dark. This isn't normal darkness. This is ADVANCED DARKNESS!* Sheepy: Bedi: *he slowly puts out Airgetlam to touch it* Arsé-kun: *It, strangely enough, shrinks back from his hand. Scared darkness? That's weird.* Sheepy: Bedi:...Hello? Arsé-kun: *The darkness doesn't answer back. This is.. Probably a good thing?* Sheepy: Bedi: Huh. Sheepy: Bedi: I was expecting more of a response...what is this? Sheepy: *Bedi begins poking at it with Airgetlam* Arsé-kun: *It continues retreating, and shrinking. Bedi can now see some of the room. It's nothing special.* Sheepy: Bedi: If only I had a flashlight. Sheepy: Bedi:.... Sheepy: Bedi:.....*he looks to Airgetlam* Sheepy: Bedi: Airgetlam, switch on! *Airgetlam shines brightly!* Arsé-kun: *Some of the room is instantly lit up! The rest is.. Still pitch black. As I said before, this is ADVANCED DARKNESS* Sheepy: Bedi:...! Sheepy: Bedi: *he pokes at it again* Arsé-kun: *The shadows retreat a bit more than they had prior, with a bit of a... Whine? It was something.* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh! It's alive! Sheepy: Bedi: Hello? Arsé-kun: *It eventually stops shrinking, leaving a ball of shadow on the sofa. But no answer.* Sheepy: Bedi: *he gently shakes it* Arsé-kun: *There's a very quiet but distressed "Go awayyy..!" from the shadows, which shift away before becoming a tighter ball.* Sheepy: Bedi: ....? Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize, it's just... Sheepy: Bedi: You...were kind of...um.. Sheepy: Bedi:...well. You piqued my curiosity. Arsé-kun: ?: Dooon't...! *They recoil away from Bedi, despite him not touching them this time.* Jus' kill me and get it over with...! Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? I won't hurt you! Sheepy: Bedi: It's okay. Everything is fine. I'll stand back until you feel comfortable with me approaching, okay? Arsé-kun: ?: ... always do, it's... fault, it's my fault, it's my fault, it's my f*They hiccup really quietly* why why why why why why why whyyyyy*hic*yyyyy..? Sheepy: Bedi: ...? Sheepy: Bedi: What is? Arsé-kun: ?: ... ... .nnn... Arsé-kun: ?: ...... not the carving tools againnnnn... ... anything but... Arsé-kun: *His voice slowly gets louder as he pleads with an unseen enemy, begging them not to hurt him again. It culminates in screaming and violently thrashing up off the sofa- most likely hitting Bedivere (but doing little to no actual damage)- before coming to a stop hanging off of the sofa and panting heavily. Despite all of this, he hasn't actually woken himself up entirely.* Arsé-kun: *As well, now that he has stopped being curled up into a ball, he's now recognizable as Angra (if he wasn't before.)* Sheepy: Bedi: It's okay, it's okay. No one will hurt you here. Arsé-kun: Angra: ... ...? *he slightly looks up at Bedi* ... Sheepy: Bedi: I'm sorry for waking you. However... Arsé-kun: Angra: ... *he blinks, and pauses before jumping up onto the back of the sofa. A very delayed reaction.* H-how long have you been here?? Sheepy: Bedi: Not for too long. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he groans and flops back down* Great, cool! Now my traumatic backstory is out in the wild! Grrrrreat! *he is not pleased.* Sheepy: Bedi: You were having a nightmare, although I didn't realize that at first. *he smiles* Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Sheepy: Bedi: I was just worried about you, so I stayed with you. Sheepy: Bedi: If I encounter you in such a state in the future, I could get you a blanket and leave you be instead if you would so prefer. Arsé-kun: Angra: ... ... *he looks more confused than anything* Uhm.. Thanks..? Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize if I'm making you uncomfortable. Arsé-kun: Angra: It's not, um. *he huffs and sits up* I did mean thanks, that's real, but.. *he seems conflicted, before just giving up on being subtle* Nobody's ever that nice to me. You know what I am, yeah? Sheepy: Bedi: I do. Sheepy: Bedi: However... Sheepy: Bedi: I would never dislike you. Sheepy: Bedi: It doesn’t matter to me who you are. I won’t treat you poorly because of it. Arsé-kun: Angra: ... ... *he tilts his head to the side* Thank you? A terrible decision, really, but thanks anyway. Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Sheepy: Bedi: I don’t believe so. Sheepy: Bedi: I don’t dislike anyone. Arsé-kun: Angra: Anyone? Not even the dark shady butler guy? Sheepy: Bedi: No, I don’t dislike even him. Arsé-kun: Angra: Huh. Sheepy: Bedi: I see him as a problem to solve, but once he’s no longer attempting to hurt us, I wish him the best. Sheepy: Bedi: Perhaps one might find that odd, but... Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose I’m just an odd individual: Arsé-kun: Angra: *he thinks about this* You really are some sorta screwball, but hey, you're not bad. Sheepy: Bedi: I’m happy to hear that. Sheepy: Bedi: However... Sheepy: Bedi: It saddens me to hear people don’t treat you very nicely. Sheepy: Bedi: Is there anything I could do for you? Sheepy: Bedi: I’m fairly good at cooking simple things and I can make coffee well, so maybe I could make something for you? Arsé-kun: Angra: ... That'd be nice... Sheepy: Bedi: What would you like? Arsé-kun: Angra: Yer asking me? Hm.. Hmmmm! Something edible! Sheepy: Bedi: ... Sheepy: Bedi: Do you have no preference...? Sheepy: Bedi: Ah...then I’ll share my favorite meal with you! Sheepy: Bedi: Do you mind vegetables? Arsé-kun: Angra: Great question! Lets find out. Sheepy: *Bedi goes to the kitchen and begins cooking steamed veggies!* Arsé-kun: *Angra follows him and plops into a chair. Obseeeerve* Sheepy: Bedi: What hobbies do you have? Arsé-kun: Angra: Does people watching count? Caaause if not, I got nothin'. Sheepy: Bedi: I think it does. Sheepy: Bedi: I found watching mankind evolve around me absolutely fascinating. Sheepy: Bedi:...Of course...my wanderings were my punishment, but even still, I enjoyed them to some extent. Sheepy: Bedi: Of course... Sheepy: Bedi: My favorite dish is what it is due to what it reminds me of. Sheepy: Bedi: Of course... Sheepy: Bedi: My favorite dish is what it is due to what it reminds me of. Sheepy: Bedi: The happy times of the Knights of the Round Table. I had it often back then because I loved it even then. Sheepy: Bedi: But now, it's more of a symbol of...oh, I apologize for rambling. It's a bad habit of mine. Arsé-kun: Angra: Nah, go ahead, dude. I ain't got much to say. Sheepy: Bedi: So it doesn't bore you? Arsé-kun: Angra: Not yet at least! Sheepy: Bedi: It's more of a symbol of those happy times because I was completely incapable of making it on my travels. Arsé-kun: Angra: But you can now? Sheepy: Bedi: I'm capable of making it now, but it's the only thing that truly remains from those times. Sheepy: Bedi: Do you ever wish things were just a bit different? Almost as though you could erase memories of the past that changed you? Arsé-kun: Angra: Fuck, man. I'd be some random schmuck otherwise. And some third schmuck would be stuck with what I had.. Feels bad. Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose. Sheepy: Bedi: I understand those memories are important, yet...I... Arsé-kun: Angra: Eh! Shit happens, it makes the world turn. That and black magic, but anyway. And then you die. Sheepy: Bedi:..I recognize we'll never return to those happy times, so we just have to make new ones. But with Sir Lancelot a berserker due to what happened between himself and our King, Sir Gawain completely unrestrained by any moral compass in some respects due to our King not watching over him, and Sir Tristan in...ah, he hasn't changed a bit. Sheepy: Bedi: But it feels like it's impossible. Even if we're happy together, something is missing. Something is wrong. Sheepy: Bedi: And it just weighs on the back of my mind. Arsé-kun: Angra: Get over it, that's my advice. You're not gettin' it back. Never will. Why bother? Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, that's true. Sheepy: Bedi: But... Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose why I bother is because I dearly love my friends. I'd like to see them smile again without seeing that guilt behind their eyes. ...Other than Sir Tristan. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, it's ready. Arsé-kun: Angra: Well, tell them to stop bein' pussies. Except the Berserker, I guess, he'll kill me. Sheepy: *Bedi dishes out the steamed veggies and gives them to Angra* Sheepy: Bedi:...Hmm... Tell them to... Sheepy: Bedi:..would that work... Sheepy: Bedi: ...Thank you... Sheepy: Bedi: You've actually helped me a lot. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yeah, sure, any time. And you helped more. Sheepy: Bedi: I'm happy to hear that. Arsé-kun: *Angra considers the veggies. He considers the coconuts, and it's trees. It's still hot. He likes his tongue not burning to a cinder.* Sheepy: Bedi: If you like it, I'll make it for you in the future. If not, I'll try to come up with something else. Sheepy: Bedi: My brother is a much better cook than me. Sheepy: Bedi: However...I'll do my best! Arsé-kun: Angra: It's not pitch black, yer already better than half the shit I've seen. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, that sounds accurate. Arsé-kun: *Angra goes to nom. !!! It is immediately Angra-Approved.* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh...! I'll keep in mind that you like it! Arsé-kun: *Angra proceeds to more or less inhale the edibles. is gud* Sheepy: *Bedi finishes cleaning* Arsé-kun: *Until Angra comes over with his plate and utensils. You are not done.* Sheepy: *Bedi begins cleaning those, too* Arsé-kun: *Good man Bedivere LastName* Arsé-kun: Angra: So, uh... Now what? Arsé-kun: Angra: I'd love to fuck with somebody, but I'll die instantly. Sheepy: Bedi: Hmm.. Sheepy: Bedi: Do you want to try going back to sleep? Arsé-kun: Angra: Should, but I'm not feeling it. Sheepy: Bedi: Hmm... Sheepy: Bedi: I was considering it myself because...what if Merlin gets lonely? Arsé-kun: Angra: Then sucks to be him. Arsé-kun: Angra: Oh, oh, I know. I can be a creepy weirdo and you can see if everyone's doing okay. It's Halloween, after all! Nobody is safe! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh...! Sheepy: Bedi: But wouldn't that wake them up? Arsé-kun: Angra: What are you gonna do, jump on their bed until it breaks? Why would it? Sheepy: Bedi: Jump on their bed...? Arsé-kun: Angra: You're not, right? So why would you wake anyone up? It's bitch o clock am. Sheepy: Bedi: I've only heard of such activities in rumors...! Sheepy: Bedi: That children jump on their beds and get punished. Arsé-kun: Angra: Well, yeah. They would go flyin' out windows, or hit the floor, or do somethin' stupid. We're adults, we can do what we goddamn want. Sheepy: Bedi: ....However, when I asked if Satoru partakes in such activities....he replied, "Why? What does it accomplish?" Arsé-kun: Angra: The same as other time wasters! It's fun! Sheepy: Bedi: They meant not actual children, but manchildren! Sheepy: Bedi: You're very knowledgeable! Arsé-kun: Angra: Real kids? Shouldn't do it. They'll gottdam die. And are you calling me a manchildren?? Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Sheepy: Bedi: *he tilts his head* Huh? Arsé-kun: Angra: *he tilts his in response* Huh? Do we think better when we tilt? Sheepy: Bedi: Well, I thought you were like Andersen. Sheepy: Bedi: You gave me "old man in a child's body" vibes, but not the way Satoru does. Arsé-kun: Angra: I mean, I was pretty old when I finally died! Does that count? Sheepy: Bedi: Oh! So was... Sheepy: Bedi:....I? Sheepy: Bedi:...... Sheepy: Bedi:.....??? Arsé-kun: Angra: Should I be calling you old man, then?? Sheepy: Bedi: I didn't actually die....I kind of was just ...sent to the void? Arsé-kun: Angra: I'd say lucky you, but can't share the feeling! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, it's quite unnatural. Sheepy: Bedi: I wouldn't expect anyone to relate. Arsé-kun: Angra: That's why yer lucky, but whatever. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh. Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose I might be lucky in some people's eyes in that respect. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he sorta shrugs* Sheepy: Bedi: Anyway...um... Sheepy: Bedi: What now? Arsé-kun: Angra: I dunno. What do you fancy pantsy knights do, anyway? Sheepy: Bedi: Whatever my king asks of me. Sheepy: Bedi: Other than that... Sheepy: Bedi: We spend time together, train ourselves, spar, or do what we need in order to live. Sheepy: Bedi: A bond between your fellow knights is incredibly important. Sheepy: Bedi: It'll be what saves you. Sheepy: Bedi: We also sightsee...but if you mean now... Sheepy: Bedi:...Unfortunately, I think Sir Lancelot and Sir Tristan mope all the time with very few breaks, Sir Gawain is a skirt chaser, and I spend most of my time by Merlin's side. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yeah, I noticed. It's a good source of food for me. Sheepy: Bedi: Lucan hasn't changed a bit other than the massive hole in his chest, Sir Kay hasn't changed, and Griflet apparently enjoys children's shows. Sheepy: Bedi: I would be overjoyed if all of us could come together for a party of some sort. Arsé-kun: Angra: Then have a party! Go nuts, go feral, get smashed and get "smashed"! Arsé-kun: Angra: You wanna do a thing? Do the thing! Sheepy: Bedi: *he eagerly holds his fists up in front of his chest, smiling brightly* I'll "go feral"! Arsé-kun: Angra: Wait wait wait hold on wait *this is not the reply he expected At All* Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Arsé-kun: *And poor Angra now has to explain EXACTLY what "Going feral" means. He throws Sicko Mode in for a bonus* Sheepy: Bedi:....I don't really understand, so I'll just ask Merlin Arsé-kun: Angra: Oh my gggghh.. It means you act like a nutcase wild animal! Go nuts! Go crazy! Same thing! Please don't actually use it, I might be murdered for it! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh... Sheepy: Bedi: I'll avoid it. Arsé-kun: Angra: Lobo going on a murder spree is going feral. Me drinking a keg of beer and committing a crime is going feral. You're a goodie two shoes, you avoid that. Sheepy: Bedi: I see. Sheepy: Bedi: But... Sheepy: Bedi: Isn't it "Goodie two snooze"? Sheepy: Bedi: Lucan says that a goodie two snooze is someone who's good at droning on to the point that you get in two naps before they're done. Sheepy: Bedi: And that any similar phrases are wrong and I should question them. Arsé-kun: Angra: Eh? A liar? Lemme beat him up and die for my transgressions. Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Arsé-kun: Angra: Never mind! *he decides to do it himself later this week.* Sheepy: Bedi: My brother's very smart. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yeah, in the bad ideas and puns department. Sheepy: Bedi: For example.. Sheepy: Bedi: Did you know that alcohol was invented by someone named Alfred Kay Hole? But his friends would call him Al for short. Sheepy: Bedi: He told me that. Arsé-kun: Angra: Did he? Hmm! Sheepy: Bedi: I hadn't heard it before. He's very knowledgeable! Arsé-kun: Angra: He must be, to know such weird stuff. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, exactly Sheepy: Bedi: He loves teaching me these things, too. Sheepy: Bedi: And spreading the word. He tells me to share my newfound knowledge whenever I can. Arsé-kun: Angra: Maaan.. *does he tell Bedi? Does he not? Which is the more evil of the two? And which keeps him fed?* ... Arsé-kun: Angra: You know he's fuckin' with you, right? Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, people tell me this often. Arsé-kun: Angra: Al Kay Hole? Alcohol? He's messing with you. Sheepy: Bedi: But Lucan doesn't lie. Arsé-kun: Angra: Also, it's goodie two-shoes. But I might steal the other one! Sheepy: Bedi: He says that he knows a lot of facts about make up, not that they're lies. Sheepy: Bedi:...Or is it a lot of facts that he makes up? Sheepy: Bedi: Either way, he knows a lot of facts! Arsé-kun: Angra: Both? But these sound like bullshit to me, and I know bullshit! I speak it fluently! He's makin' shit up and watchin' you embarrass yourself! What a dickkk! Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Sheepy: Bedi: Hmmmm...but... Sheepy: Bedi: *he tilts his head* ... Arsé-kun: Angra: Whaaaat an asshollle! A whole douché de pas! Arsé-kun: Angra: And the entire asshole ballet! Sheepy: Bedi: So then... Sheepy: Bedi: Eggnog isn't an alcoholic beverage for chickens? Arsé-kun: Angra: Nope! Sheepy: Bedi: And Santa doesn't put people down on his naughty list permanently if they forget to bake cookies for him? Arsé-kun: Angra: Nooope! The Krampus might consider it though! Sheepy: Bedi: Lucan said he was giving his gifts to me because he felt bad for me and was taking the coal... Sheepy: Bedi: He even put my name on in advance... Arsé-kun: Angra: ... IS regifting a sin? *thinking emoji* Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Arsé-kun: Angra: The answer issss! Ittttttt's not! Sheepy: Bedi:....!? Sheepy: Bedi: And the Easter bunny doesn't eat people whose hair makes people think of bunnies!? Arsé-kun: Angra: It's a rabbit! Why would he eat people? He's not the beast! Sheepy: Bedi:...Because he's hungry after laying eggs. Sheepy: Bedi: But he eats other rabbits for fuel. Sheepy: Bedi: His vision isn't very good so he mistakes people with hairstyles like mine for rabbits. Arsé-kun: Angra: That's the dumbest thing I've heard tonight! I love it. I'm going to scare children with it next year. Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Arsé-kun: Angra: That's dumb. Hi, I'm your villain for the evening and you're kinda naive, ain'tcha? Arsé-kun: Angra: A bit dumb in the upstairs? A little too trusting of man? Like okay, Spenta, we get it, you're the nicest guy in the world, but yer kind of an idiot? Arsé-kun: Angra: You a doormat or a man? Ch-ch-check yaself 'fore ya wreck yaself! Arsé-kun: *Angra attempts an airhorn noise, but not too loudly. bewww bewbewbewbewwww* Arsé-kun: Angra: Anyway if you hold him down, I'll kick him in the taint for ya. Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Sheepy: Bedi: Isn't it better to be trusting than to constantly question whether something is a lie? Sheepy: Bedi: My brother wouldn't have any reason to lie to me, would he? Sheepy: Bedi: And....a doormat, hm. Sheepy: Bedi: I wonder if I am one....I wonder... I'll ask Merlin about what you're saying. Arsé-kun: Angra: Easy answer. For his own amusement! People can be diiiiicks! Sheepy: Bedi:?! Sheepy: Bedi: Wh...what!? Arsé-kun: Angra: Surprise! Sheepy: Bedi: But...! Sheepy: Bedi: I can't believe this... Sheepy: Bedi:....I need to ask Merlin about this... Arsé-kun: Angra: Yeaaah, probs a good idea. Believin' the shit I say might not always be good! Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose so. Sheepy: Bedi: I have a lot to think about... (CONTINUED IN 15.5)

[bad-draft-stuff]

Fate Goes (and has a bad evening)

nnnnNNNNnnnnNNNN

*OKAY ITS BEEN LIKE SEVERAL MONTHS SINCE THIS DRAFT HAS BEEN OPENED SO WE’RE JUST GONNA.. MOVE ON* Sheepy: Bedi: *he’s preparing the outside of the house for Halloween. it’s important to be festive!* Sheepy: Bedi: I didn’t think we should present our home as scary, so I went with this cute ornament I found in the store instead. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Cute, yeah. If you cover up the entire face, I could agree it’s cute! Sheepy: Bedi: What do you mean? Sheepy: Bedi: I thought its face was cute… Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, do you have a costume yet? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Of course not! Sheepy: Bedi: I don’t either. I forgot about it. Sheepy: Bedi: Do you have any ideas? Arsé-kun: Merlin: … Oh, I’ve got one! Sheepy: Bedi: What is it? Arsé-kun: Merlin: You be me, I’ll be you! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, good idea! Arsé-kun: Merlin: It can’t be that hard, can it?? Sheepy: Bedi: It shouldn’t be too difficult. Sheepy: Bedi: It doesn’t have to be perfect, after all! Arsé-kun: Merlin: And that just makes it easier on us! Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, and we could make it easier by swapping clothing. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That’s what I was thinking! Sheepy: Bedi: Perfect. Arsé-kun: Merlin: And we can wait until the last minute to prepare. So lets get back to this. *he picks up and plants a scarecrow with decent force.* Sheepy: Bedi: *he turns his attention to the last thing he put up and begins straightening it* Sheepy: *Lobo is watching them from the window* Sheepy: Bedi:… *he looks up at the window* Oh, that reminds me. We’ll need to get Lobo not to tear it up. Sheepy: Bedi: And we’ll need to get Rider not to decapitate anything…huh. They’re already kind of Halloween themed. Dr. Griffin, too. Arsé-kun: Merlin: They really are, huh? Lucky them. Sheepy: Bedi: But during Christmas…or Easter… Arsé-kun: Merlin: That’s when it sucks to be them! Sheepy: Bedi: Or during Updog day. Lucan told me about it, but not details. Sheepy: Bedi: However, I’m sure it’s incredibly important. Arsé-kun: Merlin: … … What’s updog? Sheepy: Bedi: I don’t know, unfortunately. Sheepy: Bedi: So you haven’t heard of it, either? Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he sighs and stops adjusting a fake tombstone* It’s bait to get someone to ask what Updog is! Sheepy: Bedi:…But why? Arsé-kun: Merlin: “What’s up, dog”, followed by “Not much dog, what’s up with you!” Sheepy: Bedi: *he looks completely lost, but his smile is still present* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, so you’re meant to say it to a dog? Arsé-kun: Merlin: “Dog” can be slang for “dude” or “bro”. *his airquotes are spot on* Sheepy: Bedi: I see. Arsé-kun: Merlin: It’s.. It’s a kid friendly variation on sugma. Sheepy: Bedi: Ah… Sheepy: Bedi:…. Sheepy: Bedi: Like the fire slug in the game Kintoki was playing. Arsé-kun: Merlin: …? Arsé-kun: Merlin: I guess?? Sheepy: Bedi: That’s its name. Arsé-kun: Merlin: We’ll just have to ask, huh? Sheepy: Bedi: Ask whom? Kintoki? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yeah. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, I suppose. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he strolls outside, his goal being to ruin the nice pile of leaves* Just google it, you old tart! Sheepy: Bedi:….? Sheepy: Bedi: *he tilts his head* “Google”… Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he promptly pulls his phone out to google it* Oh, it’s Slugma. Was close, though. Sheepy: Bedi: I’m afraid I can’t “google” anything. I’m not aware of such a verb. Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he stops and squints so hard his eyes are slivers* You not use the internet or something? You an old retired man? Sheepy: Bedi: Once again, I’m not familiar with such things. Arsé-kun: Angra: Your fuckbuddy does streams and you don’t know shit? Sheepy: Bedi: Ah! That’s magic! *he’s beaming* Isn’t he amazing!? Arsé-kun: Angra: Sweet merciful zoroastrian feast of fucks. *he puts his hands on his face. his face is gone. incredible void boy tricks* It’s all wires and signals. Edison n’ Tesla would shit themselves over it. Sheepy: Bedi: I’m afraid…I do not follow your explanation. Arsé-kun: Angra: Wizrad, I am stealing your idiot! I’m teaching him how to use the internet! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Have fun! Sheepy: Bedi: I don’t understand. Arsé-kun: Angra: You’re about to! *he grabs onto the Airgetlam and very, very quickly regrets his decisions. But he sticks to it!* Sheepy: *Airgetlam glows upon being touched.* Sheepy: Bedi: I…I see. *he doesn’t appear to notice it at all.* Arsé-kun: Angra: C'mon, we’re goin’ in! Gonna show you how to look up shit and cool swords, or whatever you knights like! Arsé-kun: *Angra goes to drag Bedi inside. Airgetlam is in no danger of being torn off on accident- Angra’s not strong enough to do that, even if he wanted to.* Sheepy: *bedi follows, confused still* Sheepy: Bedi: Why? Arsé-kun: *Angra grabs a nearby laptop and opens it up. It ain’t his.* Arsé-kun: Angra: Because the world runs on this shit, kid. Sheepy: Bedi:….! Sheepy: Bedi: Internet is sunlight. Arsé-kun: Angra: It’s closer to lightning, I think! Arsé-kun: Angra: Chaldea? Internet. Phones? Some net. Streams? Net. Electricity is wild. Sheepy: Bedi: Net? Sheepy: Bedi: Like fishing net. Arsé-kun: Angra: Internet. I ain’t sayin’ it every single time. Sheepy: Bedi: So Chaldea is internet. Arsé-kun: Angra: It sure has a lot of it! Okay, here. *he pulls up the equivalent of google that’s used these days.* What do ya wanna look up? Anythin’. Sheepy: Bedi: *he looks up* Arsé-kun: Angra: … … On the internet, you literal turd. Sheepy: Bedi: Like in tomes. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yes! Sheepy: Bedi: I don’t know. Sheepy: Bedi: Perhaps on wolves to figure out how to prevent them from tearing up your decorations… Arsé-kun: Angra: *he looks up “Stopping dogs from ruining decorations”, and in a second tab looks up “How to google on the internet”, before passing the laptop off to Bedi* Go fucking nuts, go feral, go play. Sheepy: Bedi: What? Arsé-kun: Angra: Oh, man. *he very slowly opens the first link for the first search, so Bedi can watch* Like that. Arsé-kun: Angra: You can read, yeah? You’re not dumb? Sheepy: Bedi: I can read. Arsé-kun: Angra: Then get readin’! Searching stuff is just a book on a screen. Sheepy: Bedi:…I, um.. Sheepy: Bedi: I still don’t understand why. Arsé-kun: Angra: Because the net’s got everythin’! It’s got all the books! All of ‘em! Shit’s wild. Arsé-kun: Angra: And everybody these days relies on it more than their legs half the time! Not literally! Sheepy: Bedi: Really? So it’s a library? Arsé-kun: Angra: A big wired library! Sheepy: Bedi: I see! Sheepy: Bedi: I’d like to visit this library one day!! Arsé-kun: *Angra leans over to bring up a third search. “What is the internet and how do I use it?” It has video results! Bedi (probably) knows what videos are! I hope??* Arsé-kun: *Bedi will now be inconvenienced by The World’s Evil, for at least an hour. Or that’s what Angra’s gonna say about it. He’s just as interested in how it actually works.* Sheepy: *Bedi seems to be getting more and more anxious as time passes.* Arsé-kun: *Sucks to be you, Angra thinks!* Sheepy: Bedi: Well, it’s just… Arsé-kun: Angra: A gigantic waste of time? Sheepy: Bedi: I left in the middle of helping Merlin. Sheepy: Bedi: Y…no. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yes? Great! I’ve taught a thing and ruined your afternoon! *yesssss!* Sheepy: Bedi: I do appreciate what you’ve told me… Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad. Arsé-kun: Angra: What’s depressin’ you this week, sad man? Sheepy: Tristan: The day of Halloween is on the horizon, and yet, I have not even begun to set sail. Sheepy: Tristan: *he strums his harp* It occurred to me that it wouldn’t matter, because even if I were to dress up as something else, it would never change how despicable a man I am. Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad. Arsé-kun: Angra: Aww, cute! If the sum of evil can do it, what’s stoppin’ you, pumpkin? *he is absolutely teasing Tristan. At least he’s not being snappy about it* Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, to be a Knight of the Round Table, filled wih confidence of tomorrow. Ah, to be the evil of the world, fearless, uncaring of how others may judge him. Arsé-kun: Angra: Here’s this villain’s advice! Just put on cat ears and you’re done. Sheepy: Tristan: And yet, I quiver before this decision of mine, incapable of escaping from the standstill I have put myself in. Arsé-kun: Angra: … *he googles “Lazy halloween costumes”* Sheepy: Tristan: I wouldn’t be a very beautiful cat in my current state. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, I can only be a thing of beauty, for I am a thing of beauty. Sheepy: Tristan: So a cat would be out of the picture, since I’m lacking in four legs and a tail. Sheepy: Tristan: Those, and their ears, are what make them beautiful. So, you see, I could never capture that. Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad. Sheepy: Tristan: Sometimes I’m so beautiful it troubles even myself. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he’s run out of responses. completely out.* Sheepy: Bedi: I… Sheepy: Bedi: Y…yes. Sheepy: Tristan: Do you ever feel this way? Arsé-kun: Angra: What, sad? Sure. Sheepy: Tristan: No, no. Sheepy: Tristan: Troubled by your own beauty. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, I feel a need to always live up to it. Arsé-kun: Angra: As you can see, I’m a black hole! Can’t relate! I’m not pretty! Sheepy: Tristan: Perhaps you are but you haven’t discovered it yet. Arsé-kun: Angra: I’d say “Hell yeah internal beauty” but man I am one, UGLY, motherfucker. Sheepy: Tristan: Internal beauty is something you’re capable of fixing. Sheepy: Tristan: It just requires bravery I do not have. Sheepy: Bedi: I’d recommend a varied and healthy diet. Arsé-kun: Angra: Have you tried eating scorpion yet? Sheepy: Bedi: Oh! I have. Arsé-kun: Angra: Good shit. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes. Sheepy: Bedi: I wouldn’t word it that way myself, but… Sheepy: Bedi: I agree with the feelings behind that. Arsé-kun: Angra: Don’t eat shit, either, kids, you WILL die. Sheepy: Bedi: I didn’t brave such things… Sheepy: Tristan: Hmm? Sheepy: Tristan: But you eat honey. Arsé-kun: Angra: You tellin’ me that’s bee shit? Sheepy: Bedi:…I don’t think honey is bee poop. Arsé-kun: Angra: *New search! What is Honey, actually?* … … Honey is bee vomit. I hate this information! You can have it! Sheepy: Bedi:.. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, that doesn’t surprise me. Arsé-kun: Angra: That’s not the reply I was looking for! I love it. Sheepy: Bedi: I suspected bees had a deep, dark secret. Sheepy: Bedi: It’s a lot less dark than I expected. Arsé-kun: Angra: Like how the Queen can’t fly and get her fat little body off the ground because she’s terminally fucking bees? Sheepy: Bedi: Or how all female bees are capable of producing eggs, but the queen will eat their eggs. Arsé-kun: Angra: Nice. Sheepy: Bedi: If the queen doesn’t respond in time, the female bees will kill her and lay more eggs, but… Arsé-kun: Merlin: ._. Sheepy: Bedi: They don’t hatch into anything from what I recall, so the hive ends up…ah, Merlin. I apologize. …I got distracted and didn’t help you. Arsé-kun: Merlin: It’s cool, Bedi, got Lance to take over. Sheepy: Bedi: I’m happy to hear that. Sheepy: Tristan: Merlin. Arsé-kun: Merlin: What’s up, Tristan? Sheepy: Tristan: I’ve come across a standstill. How sad. Sheepy: Tristan: I’m too beautiful for any costumes, so I fear diminishing my appearance with them. Sheepy: Tristan:…But I want to join in on the festivities. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Be yourself but hotter. Sheepy: Tristan:….! Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, I knew I could count on you. Sheepy: Tristan: I’ll be myself, but with an open jacket. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Wait, I’ve got more. Dress up as a different class, but you’re still fantastic you. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yes, you understand! Sheepy: Tristan: Hmm? Sheepy: Tristan: Another class.. Sheepy: Tristan:…Yes, I’ll be… Sheepy: Tristan: *he poses* Studmuffin class. Arsé-kun: Merlin: New exclusive class! One member only! Sheepy: Bedi:…I don’t remember hearing about that class before. Arsé-kun: *angra makes a sound akin to a verbal keysmash* Arsé-kun: Merlin: It exists now because we’ve said so. Sheepy: Tristan: You can join too, Merlin. I’m sure you qualify for it. Ah, Sir Bedivere, too. Sheepy: Tristan: We’ll be the Three Studkateers. Arsé-kun: *mozart breaks into uncontrollable laughter several rooms away. i wonder why* Sheepy: Bedi: I feel like I’ve been dragged into something that I’ll quickly come to regret. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Love to join you, but I’m being Bedi this year. Sheepy: Tristan: The Three Studkateers disband before they even can make group jackets… Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad! Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, I truly am alone on this mission! Arsé-kun: Angra: I’ll volunteer with my inner beauty to keep you company! Sheepy: Tristan: We’ll be Beauty and the Beast. Sheepy: Tristan: Of course, I take the first role. Arsé-kun: Angra: Better than what I had planned! I’ll take Beast! Sheepy: Bedi: I…I’m glad it all worked out in the end. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Yeah, me too. Sheepy: Bedi: But how did things go with Lobo? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Haven’t seen him yet, but I get the feeling he’s up to something. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh dear… Sheepy: Bedi: *he raises his voice* Lobo! Sheepy: *Lobo walks in with a pumpkin in his mouth* Arsé-kun: Angra: You got it! You’ve got a pumpkin! Sheepy: Lobo: *He’s wagging his tail* Sheepy: Bedi: Lobo, don’t eat the ornaments, okay? Sheepy: Lobo: *he glares viciously at Bedi* Arsé-kun: Merlin: I don’t think that needs a translation! Sheepy: Bedi: I’ll give you any other food you want if you don’t eat the ornaments. Sheepy: Lobo:……! Sheepy: Lobo: *he snorts* (Chocolate.) Arsé-kun: Angra: Why, so you eat grass all day tomorrow? Sheepy: Lobo:? Arsé-kun: Angra: Eh, okay! *he hops up to get Lobo some sweets. there is a 50% chance Minako will destroy him during the journey.* Sheepy: Bedi: Where are you going? Arsé-kun: Angra: Gettin’ Lobo what he wants. I like keeping my limbs intact! Sheepy: Lobo: *he follows Angra, the pumpkin still in his mouth* Sheepy: Bedi: I…see. Sheepy: Bedi: Is he really that mad…? He seems happy with the pumpkin. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I’m surprised he isn’t risking it to tease Lobo. Sheepy: Bedi: Me too. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Even the world’s evil is capable of improving.. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That’s something to think about. Arsé-kun: *Other current events include! Mephisto, Jekyll, and Jack turning Mink’s living room into an impromptu lab (mostly by Mephisto’s Terr. Creation), uhhhh, Lance slowly setting up the outside (He’s very unsure, and has invited Herc to help), Proto going on some sort of spy mission, and uhhhhhh whatever else we can think of.* Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad! Sheepy: Tristan: Even the world’s evil is capable of improvement, and yet I… Sheepy: *Rider is watching Lancelot and Herc, Holmes has joined in on the science club* Sheepy: Tristan: Ah…if only I were capable of it. But instead…my inability to improve… Sheepy: Tristan: Stems from the coldest depths of my soul. Sheepy: Tristan: How sad, how sad! Sheepy: Bedi: I know how to improve at anything, Sir Tristan. If you recognize your flaws and address them, you’ll improve. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah…My friend is such a genius! Truly, I’m lucky to have such fri….-!!! Sheepy: Tristan: Th…that’s it! Sheepy: Tristan: What a lucky man I am! How joyful! Arsé-kun: Merlin: You do have friends. You seem to doubt that often. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah…but my realization… Sheepy: Tristan: Friends can help me improve as a person. Arsé-kun: Merlin: They absolutely can! Arsé-kun: Jekyll, distantly: Please don’t imbibe the chemicals!!! Sheepy: Izou: I’m dumb and don’t know what those words mean! Sheepy: Izou: It ticks me off! Sheepy: Izou: It makes me want to drink this weird lookin’ alcohol even more! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Please do not drink the chemicals. It is not alcohol. You won’t get drunk. Sheepy: Izou: Then what’s the point!? Sheepy: Izou: You smart people are all bland! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: … *he holds his phone up to his ear for a moment or so* .. I’ve been corrected. I’m told to inform you that drinking this will make you dead and stupid. In that order. Sheepy: Izou: I’m already both! Sheepy: Izou: Err….wait! Sheepy: Izou: I’m not that - Sheepy: Izou: …… Sheepy: Izou: Is it………..first…or second…–I don’t care! I ain’t dead, you smart person! Arsé-kun: Mephisto: You will be once I bomb you to smithereens! *:D* Or the invisible guy can get you, whichever comes first! *he gestures to Jack holding up a visible t-shirt. floating t-shirt. scary.* Sheepy: Izou: stop making up big words! I don’t understand them! Are you doing it to make fun of me!? Arsé-kun: Mephisto: You, bomb, explode, die! *this is amusing him far more than it should* Sheepy: Izou: *he huffs* I won’t let you if you try! *he puts down the chemical* Sheepy: Izou: Why are you smiling like that!? Are you laughing at me!? Ahhh, you make me so mad! I hate that face of yours! Arsé-kun: Mephisto: Thanks! Sheepy: Izou: ? Sheepy: Izou: Thanks? Sheepy: Izou: What did I do? Nothing for you! Why are you thanking me!? Arsé-kun: Mephisto: Because! *he puts his own chemicals down and caps them. safety first* You’re not supposed to like this demon! You can try to punch me after we wrap this up, okay? Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 2 Arsé-kun: *The t-shirt is put down. Someone’s approaching you, Izou, but you don’t see shiiiit. Sure hear it though.* Sheepy: Izou: …….Who’s there!? Arsé-kun: Jack: The Invisible Man. You look like you were hit by a damn dump truck and smell like it too. Was that your intention? Sheepy: Izou: Oi! I don’t look like- whatever you just said! Sheepy: Izou: I’m not lookin’ to impress anyone! One minute I was eatin’ out of that little kid’s trash, and then the next I ended up in here! Arsé-kun: Mephisto: That explains a lot! Sheepy: Izou: I was gonna try to abduct him for ransom money, but I didn’t understand what that meant for what I had to do, so I left it up to the kid. Arsé-kun: Jack: Had you harmed him, you’d have ceased to live. *he goes to pat Izou, and leaves a very clear handprint. Jack’s hand is now stained with filth. dis gus tang* Sheepy: Izou: ’s that a threat? Is abductin’ him harm? Sheepy: Izou: I’ve only seen it on TV. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: This was a better outcome. *he watches as Jack tries to wipe off the filth and just spreads it across himself. Well, now theres some floating dirt smears* Sheepy: Izou: What? Sheepy: Izou: Oi, th’ best outcome would’ve been getting gambling money. Sheepy: Izou: I’m dumb and never won, not even once! Sheepy: Izou: But it’s so much fun! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: There are people to gamble with here. You might even win once or twice. Sheepy: Izou: Oh, I want to gamble! And get drunk! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I can confirm the presence of booze. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: … Hyde adds that it is “the good shit”. Sheepy: Izou: ! Sheepy: Izou: Gimme, gimme! Arsé-kun: Mephisto: Lab adjourned! We’ll resume after the holiday! *he picks up Jack’s t-shirt and the lab just vanishes. Normal living room resumes it’s existence.* Go raid a kitchen, but don’t say we sent you~ Sheepy: Izou: Great! Sheepy: Lobo: *he’s sniffing at Jack* Arsé-kun: Jack: *he pats Lobo’s nose with his less dirty hand* Do I smell like Shinjuku yet, Lobo? Sheepy: Lobo: *he tilts his head before licking Jack* Sheepy: Izou: !! It’s big! ‘nd fluffy! Arsé-kun: Jekyll: This is Lobo. He might decide you’re a toy, so be careful. Arsé-kun: Hyde: Or dinner! Arsé-kun: *Jekyll quickly pats his hair back down. Down, Hyde. Bad. Bad alter-ego.* Sheepy: Lobo: *he looks over at Jekyll before sniffing at Izou* Sheepy: Izou: I’m no toy, nor am I dinner! Sheepy: Lobo: *he bites down on a loose piece of Izou’s clothing and starts chewing on it, but Izou is too busy looking smug at Jekyll to notice.* Sheepy: Izou: Fuhahahaha! I’m a scary manslayer! I won’t let anyone laugh at me, or I’ll cut them down! Especially smart people! Sheepy: Izou: And so that means I’m no one’s toy nor dinner! Sheepy: Lobo: *chew, chew* Arsé-kun: Jack: Your scarf sure is. I’m going to clean this grime off. Excuse me, shitheads. *the walking dirt exits scene* Sheepy: Izou:…! Sheepy: Izou: Heyhey, that’s not food. I’ve already tried eating it. Arsé-kun: Angra: Whatt’re we doin’, pup? *he goes to write “KICK ME” on Izou’s scarf* Sheepy: Lobo: *he tilts his head* Arsé-kun: Angra: Daaaaaamn, you’re so dirty it’s staining pure evil! *his hand is also now stained with gray grime. it doesn’t look black on him* Impressive! Sheepy: Izou: Eh? Arsé-kun: Angra: Hi, I’m the villain of the house! Can I inconvenience you? Great! Sheepy: Izou: What? Arsé-kun: Angra: I’m stealing you! I’d hold you for ransom but I’d get a dirty sock and ten qp~ Sheepy: Izou: Where are we goin’ Sheepy: Lobo: *he has his mouth open, ready to chew on Izou more* Arsé-kun: Angra: We’re goin’ up! If we look half decent, we can steal as much as we want from the kitch’ and no one can stop us! Sheepy: Izou:…! Sheepy: Izou: Where’re we goin’!? Arsé-kun: Angra: Up a floor! Not far! Sheepy: Lobo: *chew chew chew* Arsé-kun: *Mephisto has opted out of this encounter. Goodbye Moose* Sheepy: Izou: Right, I’ll follow you. Arsé-kun: *Vlad is currently at the kitchen table, keeping Satoru company. He watches as Angra and Izou pass by, dragging Lobo along behind them. Bc he’s still chewing on the scarf. Vlad is unfazed by all this. The only thing he IS fazed by is the smell. Yuck.* Sheepy: Satoru: That’s him. Sheepy: Satoru: He seems nice enough. Arsé-kun: Vlad: I see… Did you need yet another dog? Sheepy: Satoru: Dog? Where? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Something about his appearance reminds me of a scruffy street terrier. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. He reminds me of a rat. Arsé-kun: Vlad: I see that as well, but I quite like rats. Sheepy: Satoru: He asked me to help him kidnap me for ransom money but I said I had to ask you first. Arsé-kun: Vlad: He would have instead gotten my fist as payment, and his blood on the floor as interest. Sheepy: Satoru: That’s a weird form of payment. Sheepy: Satoru: What can be bought with it? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Dying by my hand for such crimes. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Sheepy: Satoru: Huh. Sheepy: Satoru:…..But, since he lives here now…who…summoned him? Arsé-kun: Vlad: You will have to ask. I may just impale him on the spot. Sheepy: Satoru: Huh? But… Sheepy: Satoru: He’s my Servant now. Arsé-kun: Vlad: So he is. Sheepy: Satoru: So killing him, um… Arsé-kun: Vlad: Would be a bad idea. Yes, I understand. Sheepy: Satoru: That’s good. Sheepy: Satoru: For now he can just be the weird man who came for dinner and stayed all winter. Sheepy: Satoru: He’s unexpected so I won’t expect anyone to immediately warm up to him. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Yet, it does sound like some already have. Sheepy: Satoru: That’s good. Sheepy: Satoru: Or else…well. Arsé-kun: Mozart: Or well what? What is it, Lassie? Did little Timmy shit in the well? *he continues to think he’s funny. Saku stops and stares at him.* Sheepy: Satoru: Mom won’t let him sit down. Sheepy: Satoru: Guin probably would chase him down, too. Sheepy: Satoru: And he’d probably smell stinky while everyone tries to eat. Like garbage. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Yes, exactly. Sheepy: Satoru: And I doubt anyone would like that. Arsé-kun: Saku: We would not. Sheepy: Satoru: …I didn’t really think that far before inviting him in. Arsé-kun: Vlad: You didn’t. At least you can understand your mistakes. Sheepy: Satoru: If he is a threat in some way, what do w do? Arsé-kun: Vlad: I call first chance at impaling him through the chest with several lances and d- *he has an oven mitt thrown at him. it lands on him and he only stops to glance at Sakura* Yes, yes, I am stopping. Sheepy: Satoru: He already has been stabbed. Arsé-kun: Vlad: There was more, but I seem to not be permitted to continue. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh, okay. Arsé-kun: Mozart: I do hear the shower running upstairs. Maybe someone convinced him to clean up? Sheepy: Satoru: That’s good. Arsé-kun: *a bit later on!* Sheepy: Izou: *He’s come downstairs and……. did he always have purple hair like that, or…* Arsé-kun: Minako: Oh, you’re right. He is fluffy! Sheepy: Satoru: He looks much better now. Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 7 Arsé-kun: Minako: … Assassin class, I think? He’s hard to pin down. Sheepy: Izou: What? Sheepy: Izou: No. Sheepy: Izou: My class is “Hitokiri”. Arsé-kun: Minako: …? Sheepy: Izou: It’s different. Arsé-kun: *Mori is quietly observing from the side, meanwhile* Sheepy: Izou: Why’s everyone lookin’ at me? Arsé-kun: Mori: You’re far stronger than initially calculated. Sheepy: Izou: Hah! Yeah! Sheepy: Izou: I’m a sword prodigy! Fuhahahahaha! Arsé-kun: Mori: Your strength is very impressive. May I ask how you got strong as a servant? Sheepy: Izou: By being a prodigy! Sheepy: Izou: Also, I found this place! Sheepy: Izou: It had these hands. They dropped this tasty food. Sheepy: Izou: Eventually I got thrown out. Sheepy: Izou: I felt weirdly stronger after that. Sheepy: Izou: Oh, yeah. Sheepy: Izou: This weird guy, too. Sheepy: Izou: He looked rich. Sheepy: Izou: His trash tasted like rich people’s trash, too. Arsé-kun: Mori: … … Can you describe his appearance at all? Sheepy: Izou: Like…a smart guy. Kinda stiff. Uh…. Sheepy: Izou: Very dark hair. Sheepy: Izou: He kinda reminds me of a butler. Arsé-kun: Mozart: Oh, did he speak like.. *ahem* Very properly, yes, but was still able to convey being a pile of- excuse my French- Shit? Sheepy: Izou: Yeah. Sheepy: Izou: I hated how he used big words! It confused me. Arsé-kun: Mori: …. I do hope one of us has reached the same conclusion I have. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, so his actual Master is… Sheepy: Holmes: Masanori, huh. Arsé-kun: Angra: Butler McBitch! We did it, we solved the mystery. Sheepy: Izou: What? Arsé-kun: Angra: Don’t worry about it! If we see him again, we’ve got free reign to slay the man! Sheepy: Izou: Do I really? Arsé-kun: Angra: *he looks to Satoru* Do we? Sheepy: Satoru: Um, that doesn’t sound like a good idea. Arsé-kun: Angra: Maim? Curse for the rest of his horrible life? Hit him with a car! Sheepy: Satoru: Oh, okay. Arsé-kun: Angra: Hooray! *he is Excited!* Izou-san! Lets get drunk! Sheepy: Izou: What’s goin’ on, anyway? …Well, I want alcohol! Sheepy: Izou: Yeah, let’s get absolutely smashed! Arsé-kun: Angra: Hell yeah! Arsé-kun: Mori: …. Holmes, if I may? How did you reach your conclusion? Sheepy: Holmes: What? I just listened to the explanation. Sheepy: Holmes: But I had suspicions. Arsé-kun: Mori: It’s good to know we were on the same page this time. Sheepy: Holmes: For example… Sheepy: Holmes: He wasn’t allowed at Chaldea’s ember fields, meaning that his Master wasn’t related to Chaldea. Arsé-kun: Mori: And if his Master had perished a more regular way, he would know about it. Sheepy: Holmes: He’s dirty and eating out of the trash, meaning that his Master doesn’t care about his well being. Arsé-kun: Mori: And this matches much of Masanori’s behavior. Sheepy: Holmes: Exactly. Sheepy: Satoru: So is he still Masanori’s servant? Or my own…? Sheepy: Izou: I don’t care about that guy. You have free booze. Arsé-kun: Mori: I would be inclined to say yours. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh, that’s good. Sheepy: Izou: Just don’t betray me. Sheepy: Izou: Or I might want to, uh…is the phrase, “bite the hand that feeds me”? Arsé-kun: Mori: That’s it, and very understandable. But you will not be betrayed to that level. Sheepy: Izou: Good. And don’t give me smelly veggies either. Sheepy: Izou: I hate smelly veggies. Arsé-kun: Mori: That I cannot guarantee. Sheepy: Izou: If you follow all that, I’ll be loyal. Sheepy: Satoru: But what if the stinky veggies are good? Sheepy: Izou:……. Sheepy: Izou: *he crosses his arms and tilts his head* ….. Sheepy: Izou: But they’re stinky. Arsé-kun: Angra: So were you, what’s ya point? Sheepy: Izou:…Okay, fine, I GUESS it’s fine, but I won’t like it! Sheepy: Holmes: You probably know my name. Sheepy: Izou: I don’t. Sheepy: Holmes: Sherlock Holmes. Sheepy: Izou: I don’t. Arsé-kun: Mori: *hes just smirking at Sherlock* Sheepy: Holmes: How… Sheepy: Izou: Okay, old man, you next. Arsé-kun: Mori: You are permitted to call me Moriarty. Sheepy: Izou: Alright. Sheepy: Izou: I’m Okada Izou. Arsé-kun: *Minako’s hand dives into her pocket for a phone or her compact- Whichever comes first. Who is this guy? Let’s find out* Sheepy: Izou: What is that? Arsé-kun: Minako: My phone? You can’t eat it. It isn’t food, no matter how much we wish it was! Sheepy: Izou: Nah, I was thinking it could be a weapon. Wouldn’t be the first time. Sheepy: Izou: I’m that scary! Sheepy: Izou: You see that, right? How scary I am? Sheepy: Satoru: You look like a pomeranian. Arsé-kun: Minako: Oh, you’re right.. Sheepy: Izou: Yeah, that sounds real intimidating! Arsé-kun: Angra: …. ……. *he says nothing.* Sheepy: Izou: Yeah, yeah, I look like a pomeranian! Fuhahahaha! I don’t even know what that is! I love the sound of it! Sheepy: Izou: You really get it! Sheepy: Satoru: You’re fluffy and easily excited like one. Sheepy: Izou:…Wait, what IS a pomeranian!? Arsé-kun: Angra: *he snorts into his booze* Sheepy: Holmes: *he is on google* Okada Izou…huh. Arsé-kun: *Nobody answers the question. But by all the smirks and suppressed laughs, probably not a good thing.* Sheepy: Holmes: *he reads off the brief description on google* Arsé-kun: Mori: Thank you, ace detective, for using your detective skills to open wikipedia. Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, you’re welcome. Sheepy: Izou: Once again, I’m not an assassin. Sheepy: Izou: I’m a manslayer. Sheepy: Yan: *he’s got his feet up on the table while drinking booze* Arsé-kun: Minako: Who let you in? Sheepy: Yan: Myself? Arsé-kun: Minako: Again? Sheepy: Yan: Yeah. Arsé-kun: Minako: You don’t have, like, Chaldea things to do? Sheepy: Yan: Like what? *he takes a sip of the alcohol* Arsé-kun: Minako: Do you just bum around with the doctor’s money? Sheepy: Yan: No. Arsé-kun: Minako: That’s a surprise. Sheepy: Yan: I don’t use her money. Arsé-kun: Minako: Then where do you get any from? Sheepy: Yan: I work? Sheepy: Yan: Old man has paid me before. I won’t disclose any other employers of mine. Sheepy: Yan: I WILL say the detective is paying me for something, though. Arsé-kun: Mink: If it’s drugs, can you tell me so I can punch him? :) Sheepy: Yan: No, no. Sheepy: Yan: I don’t have that sort of stuff anyway. Arsé-kun: Minako: Good! Sheepy: Yan: No, instead- oh, actually, it’s important Old Man hears this anyway. Sheepy: Yan: He’s paying me not to turn into him. Arsé-kun: Mori: Oh, I can understand that. You would give away his mystery far too quickly. *he seems amused* But what if I pay you more? Sheepy: Yan: Hmmm……. Sheepy: Yan: Oh, that’d work. Arsé-kun: Mori: But did he ever say why? Sheepy: Yan: Something along the lines of… Sheepy: Yan: “The thing inside of me could kill each and every person in this household in the blink of an eye if it so pleased. I don’t trust you with that.” Arsé-kun: Mori: You know what? That’s fair. Sheepy: Yan: But I’m pretty trustworthy. Sheepy: Yan: Anyway, that’s a hint, isn’t it? That means it’s not human. Arsé-kun: Mori: It absolutely is not. I can confirm that much myself. Sheepy: Yan: What do you mean? Arsé-kun: Mori: I spoke to him about it myself. Sheepy: Yan: Huh. Arsé-kun: Mori: Well, let’s just agree to try that out nowhere near civilization. But not now. Sheepy: Yan: Yeah, okay. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he looks up. he’s cleaned up at least half the booze by himself. the void can take a lot of it, but he seems absolutely hammered based on being unable to stand up for a solid 20 seconds. Yan’s leg is used for the assist.* Hey. Hey, bruh, you ever realize how fucked up we really are? Sheepy: Yan: What do you mean? Arsé-kun: Angra: We’re all dead already n’ shit! And, and then people, like.. *vague hand gestures* the dead people? Does this shit count as necrophilia? And no matter what we do, we’re still dead, that’s depressing as hell. Sheepy: Yan:….*he takes a rather large sip of his alcohol* Arsé-kun: Angra: I think I jus’ gave myself depression. Sheepy: Yan: Good job. Arsé-kun: Angra: You’ve got like fifteen second opinions, how do I deal with this shit? Sheepy: Yan: What’s that supposed to mean?? Sheepy: *Lobo has his snout in Yan’s chip bag. Yan is too focused on Angra to notice* Arsé-kun: Angra: How do you, like, stop being depressed so the throne doesn’t decide “Ooh that’s canon now!” and force it on you every time you start to sort of exist? Sheepy: Yan: I dunno. Sheepy: *Yan absentmindedly goes to put his hand in the chip bag, only to touch Lobo instead* Sheepy: Yan: My chips are weirdly hairy. Arsé-kun: Angra: That’s a dog. Sheepy: Yan: …! Puppy, no, that’s human food. Sheepy: Lobo: *he looks up at them, the chip bag on his snout. elegant* Arsé-kun: Angra: th’ king of currenpaw, errybody. Sheepy: Yan: I don’t really want it anymore. Arsé-kun: Angra: but dammit, I was hopin’ for any sorta reply so I could complain at you. All like, “What, you have an answer? Who’s you, where’s the real Yan at?” Or somethin’. *he thinks he is funny. funny enough to laugh at. angra.* Sheepy: Yan:…. Arsé-kun: Angra: … What? Sheepy: Yan: Who am I…? Arsé-kun: Mori: All right, that’s quite enough of this. *he interrupts and blocks Angra, who may or may not have gotten smacked with a coffin* You’re Yan Qing, and that isn’t changing. Sheepy: Yan: I…I don’t know…! Sheepy: Yan: If that’s who I am…then why are they always here!? Why do they keep talking to me!? They’re all me, aren’t they? What even am I? Arsé-kun: Mori: A gigantic mess vaguely shaped like a human being, with an appreciation for women. Sheepy: Yan:….!? Sheepy: Lobo: *boof* Sheepy: Yan: Does that mean I’m human…or do I just look it…? Arsé-kun: Mori: You’re more human than any present Avengers. Sheepy: Yan:….Ah….you’re right. Arsé-kun: Mori: *he covers his mouth with one hand, slightly muffling his own voice* Earth to Assassin, are you still in there? Hello, hello? *he reaches up with his free hand to… ruffle Yan’s hair. aw.* We are departing planet Meltdown for a return trip to Earth. Can you read, over? Sheepy: Yan:…? Sheepy: Yan: Wh…what…? Arsé-kun: Mori: Welcome back to Earth, Assassin. *he makes a radio static sound. krshhh* You were going straight for an endless loop of existential crisis. Sheepy: Yan: I…I’m sorry, I’m feeling better. Sheepy: Lobo: *he tilts his head. where did that noise come from* Arsé-kun: Mori: Don’t apologize. *krshh* What outlaw apologizes for a minor inconvenience? *he finally uncovers his mouth. he does not, however, take his coffin off of Angra, who tried to move it at some point and it is now on top of him. He deserved it.* Sheepy: Lobo: *he tilts his head the other way* Sheepy: Yan: Thank you. Arsé-kun: Mori: Of course. Just don’t make a deal of it. Reputation, you understand. Sheepy: Yan: Yes, I do. Arsé-kun: Mori: Then consider this moment of weakness ignored and discarded in exchange. Sheepy: Yan: Thank you. Sheepy: Yan: Puppy, you won’t tell anyone, right? Arsé-kun: Mori: *he cups his hands over his mouth again to Krshh at Lobo. extreme teasing* Sheepy: Lobo: ????? Sheepy: Lobo: *he slowly lifts up a paw before … slapping it over Yan’s mouth* Sheepy: Yan: Puppy, why?! Sheepy: Lobo: ?!?!?! Arsé-kun rolled a die. The die showed: 6 Arsé-kun: Mori: *try not to laugh. succeed. Krshh at Lobo again with eye contact* Sheepy: Lobo: *he sniffs at Mori’s hand. how is he doing this* Arsé-kun: *Mori holds his hands out for Lobo* Sheepy: Lobo: *he sniffs at both. why do they smell like chips* Arsé-kun: Mori: *he swats the chips off of Lobo’s nose* Sheepy: Lobo:….! *what fell, what was that* Sheepy: Yan: *he’s petting Lobo. big. fluffy* Arsé-kun: *Mink has opted to give this episode some space and started messaging Haku. Now she gets an update AND has to stop working for ten seconds. Tepes approves already. Two birds, one Gandr* Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] What is it? Arsé-kun: Mink: [text: to Haku] Issss it normal for ur Assass to just sorta uh, existential break for a minute? Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] Yes. Arsé-kun: Mink: [text: to Haku] oh. I thought that was a bad thing. I mean Mori.san dealt with it really fast,? But uh Arsé-kun: Mink: [text: to Haku] I remember the rules! Should I bring him back to you so that doesnt, again? Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] Yes, it’s a bad thing, and… Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] Yes, please bring him. Arsé-kun: Mink: [text: to Haku] Ok!! 👌👌👌 I’ll pull him off Lobo and we’ll be there! Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] Thank You Arsé-kun: Mink: [text: to Haku] You’re welcome, Haku, Miss! Be there soon!! Sheepy: Lobo: *he gently nudges Mori with his snout. he’ll find the source of the noise eventually* Arsé-kun: Mori: Yes? Yes, what is it? Sheepy: Haku: [Text: to Mink] Ok Sheepy: Lobo: *he tilts his head* Arsé-kun: Minako: *she thinks about how she’s going to go about this. What would Mephisto do? … This is a very bad course of thinking and takes a few bad plans to reach a good one that does not require explosives.* Arsé-kun: Mori: *he grins at Lobo and… KRRSSHH!* Sheepy: Lobo:!!! Sheepy: *Lobo sniffs at Mori’s face. where is it coming from* Arsé-kun: *the sound is coming from the Moriarty!* Sheepy: Lobo:…! *he looks excited! How is he doing that!?* Arsé-kun: Minako: Not to interrupt or anything, but hey, Assassin. If I pay, can I borrow you to help me get pizzas? :D c Sheepy: Yan: Mm? Oh, okay. Sheepy: Yan: Okay, Puppy, be good while I’m gone. Don’t eat too much out of the garbage. Sheepy: Lobo: *he yawns in Yan’s face* Arsé-kun: Minako: Cool, thanks! Here’s the, uh, 'thanks for helping’ start payment! *she hands Yan some cash and a few embers. mmm good shit* Sheepy: Yan: *he pockets them and gets up* Great, let’s go! Arsé-kun: *Mori finally “notices” his coffin is on Angra and frees the poor bastard right before they Head Outtie. Chaldea, hoooo* Sheepy: Yan: So, what pizza are we getting? Arsé-kun: *Minako promptly goes OFF about pizza. Girl likes her pizza, and knows how everybody in her crew (except Sherlock) likes it! She will learn his order eventually and he’ll damn like it* Sheepy: Yan: Huh. Arsé-kun: Minako: So anyway, you’re helping, so I’ll buy you some too. Sheepy: Yan: Oh, that’s great! Sheepy: Yan: I like…actually, I don’t really care what’s on it. Sheepy: Yan: I like experimenting. Sheepy: Yan: There’s no food I really hate so I’ll accept anything. Arsé-kun: Minako: So we figure it out when we get there, gotcha! Sheepy: Yan: Yeah, just mess me up. Arsé-kun: Tepes: I’m just as capable of that. *he strolls in, grabs Yan, and goes to exit scene. oh.* Sheepy: Yan: OH? Arsé-kun: *But the most important part of any plan is improvising on the fly!!* Sheepy: Yan: But my pizza! Arsé-kun: Minako: Oh, no, my pizza buddy! *and she “chases” after Tepes, at the speed of a brisk walk, maybe even, if she’s daring, a jog.* Arsé-kun: Tepes: I found him, dear. It was far less trying than I expected. Sheepy: Haku: Thank you. Sheepy: Yan: I’ve been tricked, betrayed! Arsé-kun: Tepes: ..? Sheepy: Yan: That’s why I was dragged out, out of the comfort of Puppy’s fur! Arsé-kun: Minako: My evil plot’s been foiled! *she catches up* I was really going to give you pizza, too! Sheepy: Yan: Pizza… Sheepy: Yan: Why did you want me, Tepes? Sheepy: Yan: Oh, oh! My dashing good looks and charming smile havs finally gotten to you! Hehe! Arsé-kun: Tepes: I was only informed of the 'Bringing you here’ portion of this so called “evil plot”. … And I’m still straight. Sheepy: Yan: Oh!? So it’s not that after all? Arsé-kun: Tepes: If it’s ever that, assume I am completely broken and most likely need to be put down. Sheepy: Yan: You’re so cruel… Sheepy: Yan: What about you, Haku?! Sheepy: Haku: No. Sheepy: Yan: Oh…such a quick response… Sheepy: Yan: But, like, I’m attractive, aren’t I? Arsé-kun: Caligula: roma Arsé-kun: *thank you for your input, caligula. it is very useful.* Sheepy: Yan: See, Caligula agrees. Sheepy: Haku: Hmm. Arsé-kun: Minako: I already paid him to help with my pizza run..! Can we get that out of the way at least? Sheepy: Haku: Go ahead. Sheepy: Gawain: I want pizza, too. Sheepy: Yan: Oh! Great! You can buy it! Arsé-kun: Cali: *pizza run? run? running? olympic running? greeks? romans? roma? roma!* *with this incredible stretch of logic and wisdom, Caligula decides to grab Yan and exit the scene at a high speed. Goodbye. it is pizza run time.* Sheepy: Gawain: And there they go. Sheepy: Haku: Oh, that frightens me. Arsé-kun: Minako: … Uh, okay. I’m glad I told him the order at least? Sheepy: Haku: That’s fortunate. Arsé-kun: Minako: I hope he remembers it? Sheepy: Gawain: But he didn’t get mine. Sheepy: Yan: [text: to Mink] Like 15 cheeses huh Arsé-kun: Mink: ….. ….. He did not. Sheepy: Gawain: But my order. Arsé-kun: *mink carefully types out the entire thing, clearly, in list format, edited for clarity and spelling, and then pauses* Arsé-kun: Minako: I’ll add it in, what'cha want, Sir? Sheepy: Gawain: I like pineapple pizza. Arsé-kun: Minako: Okay! *she adds that in and sends it off. no judgement, surprisingly* Sheepy: Gawain: I can give you the equivalent in flowers. *he laughs* I do have money, though, so I’ll pay you for mine. Sheepy: Gawain: *he takes out his wallet* But you should visit my flower shop. I’ll give you a discount. Arsé-kun: Minako: Oooh! I’ll have to stop by later then! :Dc Sheepy: Gawain: Yeah! Arsé-kun: Minako: But uh… Yeah, Probably should have stopped that whole thing from happening. Sorry about that! Sheepy: Haku: I understand. Arsé-kun: Minako: Am… I allowed to ask about all that, or is that a patient confidence thing? Arsé-kun: Minako: Cuz, uhm.. Moriarty-san dealt with it really fast, like it’s a thing we should know about? Sheepy: Haku: Oh. Sheepy: Haku: He’s not a full servant. Sheepy: Haku: He’s mixed with a phantom, Doppelganger Arsé-kun: Minako: So like… A second of himself? Sheepy: Haku: Of everyone he’s killed. Arsé-kun: Minako: And that’s… A lot? Sheepy: Haku: It allows him to transform into anyone, but the voices of his victims remain. Sheepy: Haku: Yes. Arsé-kun: Minako: Yikes. Good thing he’s with you then, I guess? Sheepy: Gawain: He’s always eyeing the same women I am, so if your plan is to let him stay with them… Sheepy: Gawain: Oh, I should ask him for the phone number he got. Arsé-kun: Tepes: That is your priority? Sheepy: Gawain: What should my priority be? Arsé-kun: Tepes: Not phone numbers of randoms you haven’t met yourself. Sheepy: Gawain: Well, do you have any better ideas? Arsé-kun: Tepes: Meet people yourself? Sheepy: Gawain: I do, but usually only for one night. Arsé-kun: Tepes: Go directly to church, do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Sheepy: Gawain: Oh, it’s not as though I don’t still love my wife. Sheepy: Gawain: However, now that I’m a servant, I can have fun, maybe find a new wife in the process. Arsé-kun: Tepes: …. Fair enough. Sheepy: Gawain: You’re no different. Sheepy: Gawain: I just choose different tactics. More bold tactics. Arsé-kun: Minako: … Hey, I just caught something. What’d you mean 'Let him stay with them’?? Sheepy: Gawain: Well, if Moriarty helps him a lot, wouldn’t it be better if he stayed with Moriarty? Arsé-kun: Minako: Makes sense, but he isn’t mine? Sheepy: Gawain: He could be. Arsé-kun: Minako: Moriarty isn’t mine, I mean! I’ve got objections about Yan but.. Wait, he doesn’t live here? Sheepy: Haku: He bums off of everyone here, but especially us. Arsé-kun: Minako: So he does! He said he didn’t! Sheepy: Haku: He’s not my Servant, but he likes Tepes, Caligula, and me. He also likes both our and Gawain’s food. Sheepy: Haku: That’s usually why he’s seen with me. Sheepy: Gawain:…Hey, hold on… Sheepy: Gawain: You forgot me in that first list. Sheepy: Haku: But anyway, who is Moriarty’s master? How close do they live to you? Arsé-kun: Minako: My neighbor, and my neighbor. Sheepy: Haku: I don’t know. You or your neighbor might be best with taking him, but he’d probably end up staying here just as often as he already does. Sheepy: Haku: He’s a part of different clubs and has close friends who live here. Arsé-kun: Minako: I don’t think that’d be a problem. I mean, some of mine come here two or three times a week already. Sheepy: Haku: That’s good. Sheepy: Haku: Are you fine with this? We’ll need to ask him when he gets back. Arsé-kun: Minako: I’m fine with it! Sheepy: Haku: Good. Sheepy: Gawain: I get more chances at women this way. Thanks for that. Arsé-kun: *Tepes pinches the bridge of his nose. Jesus Christ.* Sheepy: Gawain: You need to learn how to have more fun in life. Arsé-kun: Tepes: I can have fun without shamelessly flirting with every woman I spot, thank you. Sheepy: Gawain: I have an idea! Sheepy: Gawain: You can go out with me next time. Arsé-kun: Tepes: Why not take Caligula? You’ll look far better next to him. Sheepy: Gawain: I’d look far better next to you, too. Arsé-kun: Tepes: I’m detecting an insult. Sheepy: Gawain: I’d never. Arsé-kun: Tepes: And if you have realized, what you have said also translates to “Hey, vampire, come out at night surrounded by a lot of people.” Please spot the problem. Sheepy: Gawain: Oh, I forgot you were a vampire. Arsé-kun: Tepes: For now, I’ll respectfully decline your offer, unless you come across a daytime event. Then I may consider it. Sheepy: Gawain: I can arrange for it to be a daytime event. Arsé-kun: Tepes: No, no. Sheepy: Gawain: Why? Arsé-kun: Tepes: Don’t force others’ to plan around me. Sheepy: Gawain: Well, alright. Arsé-kun: Cali: PIZZA! *thank you for your announcement, Caligula. He is carrying… Two boxes. Out of how much?* Sheepy: Gawain: I hope one is pineapple! Sheepy: Yan: Tepes! Gawain! I’m dying! Arsé-kun: Tepes: It’s just a few boxes. Are you a Heroic Spirit, or some kind of mouse? Sheepy: Yan: It’s HOT!! Sheepy: Yan: …But not as hot as me- AaaaAAAA DON’T FALL!! Sheepy: Gawain: He stole my line…he has to go. Arsé-kun: Tepes: *he moves in for the Assist. he’s help* Arsé-kun: Cali: pizza Sheepy: Yan: You could’ve helped, Caligula. Arsé-kun: Cali: Rgh? *he puts down his boxes* ?? Sheepy: Yan: You left me with everything else.. Arsé-kun: Cali: *he takes the stack from Yan and puts it down. He has now helped. Confused thumbs up.* Sheepy: Yan: Owowow…it was so hot! Sheepy: Gawain: Like- Sheepy: Yan: Like me. Arsé-kun: Tepes: Stop. Sheepy: Yan: But who else will say it if not me? Arsé-kun: Tepes: Anyone else with an ego over ten. Sheepy: Yan: But comic relief is one of my defining character traits. Arsé-kun: *Tepes opts out of giving this a response.* Arsé-kun: Minako: Anyway! You’ve made it this far! A bit more and we’re home! With pizza! Arsé-kun: *she is eyeing the pizza boxes already. mm. pizz.* Sheepy: Yan: You’re right. Arsé-kun: Minako: You can stay too, if you want! Sheepy: Yan: Huh? Arsé-kun: Minako: I mean, you’re over enough! Sheepy: Yan: ….! Arsé-kun: Minako: I’m pretty sure nobody hates you on my end, and considering who I’ve got, that’s impressive! Sheepy: Yan: Thank you…! Arsé-kun: Minako: You’re welcome!!! Arsé-kun: Mephisto: What’re you doin’, Master? Dating a boy? *how long has he been there, in the doorway?* Without me, even?? *he’s kidding, I hope.* Sheepy: Yan: What? Arsé-kun: Minako: Please, no. *she is unfazed by 100% of that. She knew he was there.* I won’t stop you though! Go forth and be gay, and merry, and help us bring home pizza. Arsé-kun: *Mephisto considers this, and promptly fucks off. Oh.* Arsé-kun: Minako: … So I’m still paying you in full I guess, Assassin! Sheepy: Yan: Oh, for what? Arsé-kun: Minako: For… Carrying pizza?? Sheepy: Yan:…Great! Arsé-kun: *OK enough dicking around, they’re gonna get home eventually, with the pizza, and Yan gets paid right before that. cash fuckin’ money* Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, it’s pizza. Arsé-kun: Mephisto: Yeah, it is! Did you think I was making it up? Sheepy: Holmes: No, I didn’t. Sheepy: Holmes: I hope you enjoy it. I’ll be passing, of course. Arsé-kun: Minako: Eh? Sheepy: Holmes: I’m not hungry currently. Arsé-kun: Proto: It’s pizza time, hurry! Dibs, I call first dibs! *and he zips in, nearly faceplanting into the table. gg idiot* Sheepy: Holmes: That’s the benefit of being a Servant. Arsé-kun: Minako: Fair enough, but if you want some later, there might not be any! Sheepy: Holmes: I don’t have an interest in it, and Watson would kill me if he found me eating it. Arsé-kun: Minako: What’s he gonna do to you? Hit you for resisted damage? Sheepy: Holmes: Nag me. Arsé-kun: Minako: Is nagging strong against Rulers? Sheepy: Holmes: Perhaps. Arsé-kun: Minako: I’ll have to try that later! Sheepy: Holmes: For what reason? Arsé-kun: Minako: For science? Sheepy: Holmes: I’d rather you didn’t. Sheepy: Gil: *he huffs* Mongrel food again? Arsé-kun: Minako: You’re gonna eat it anyway. Sheepy: Kogil: I like pep- Sheepy: Gil: Pepperoni is garbage, pup. Sheepy: Gil: Cheese is better. Arsé-kun: Minako: Thank you for your opinions, kings! I didn’t ask! Sheepy: Gil: Hah, if he wants to be a king, he needs to know how a king thinks. Arsé-kun: Lance: … A king thinks “Is this edible?” and then eats it. Immediately, without comment. Sheepy: Gil: That’s how a peasant thinks. Arsé-kun: Lance: … No, you. *he’s got no witty comebacks, and glances towards Yan* ..? Sheepy: Yan: Hi hi! I’m living here now. Sheepy: Yan: I don’t know why but that’s what’s been decided. Arsé-kun: Lance: Aaah? That is.. It’s something. Unexpected? Sheepy: Yan: Actually, Gawain was cheering in his own way. Arsé-kun: Lance: Git. Sheepy: Yan: Huh? Sheepy: Yan: He’s burly and looks like a football player so he’s not really attractive. He asks me for phone numbers often. Sheepy: Yan: So he probably thinks he got rid of competition. Arsé-kun: Lance: He still..? … GorrRRrrilla morrron. Sheepy: Yan: I don’t get why. Sheepy: Yan: I just like talking to pretty people, and I like it even more when they compliment me. Sheepy: Yan: But Gawain sees me as competition… Arsé-kun: Lance: Everrryone is competition… Don’t worry about ittt.. Sheepy: Yan: Even you? Arsé-kun: Lance: I hope nooot. Sheepy: Yan: Are men in armor hot nowadays? Sheepy: Holmes: Depending on the temperature, yes. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: You’ve made Hyde very happy with that answer. I don’t have to say it now, thank you. Sheepy: Holmes: You’re welcome. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: And thank you for dinner, Master. You too, Assassin. Sheepy: Yan: No problem. Arsé-kun: Minako: Of course! Sheepy: Lobo: *he struts in and flops over dramatically onto Lance* Arsé-kun: Lance: Nooooooooonnn! *he tries to get out from under Lobo* Sheepy: Lobo: *whine* Sheepy: Yan: Puppy! Sheepy: *…Despite his whining, Lobo’s tail is wagging. He’s very aware of his manipulation and is happy about it.* Arsé-kun: *Lance does not escape. He accepts his fate to starve.* Sheepy: Yan: Puppy, you can have my pizza if you get off of him. Sheepy: Lobo: *he gives Yan a suspicious look* Sheepy: *Lobo hesitantly gets off of Lance* Arsé-kun: *Lancelot is dead. Not really. But he’s already committed.* Sheepy: Gil: A king doesn’t beg. He demands. Sheepy: Lobo: *he turns to Gil before…eating his slice of pizza.* Arsé-kun: Medusa: I don’t know what you expected. Sheepy: Gil: Not that! How dare him! Arsé-kun: Andersen: Just take another, your highness. And while you’re up there, pass me a plate. Sheepy: Gil: *he huffs, but surprisingly does so* Arsé-kun: Andersen: Thank you. You’re spared. Sheepy: Gil: Be grateful, mongrel! Arsé-kun: Andersen: I am. Sheepy: Gil: Fuhahaha! Excellent! Arsé-kun: Andersen: So what? Is this uncertain jeste- Arsé-kun: Mephisto: Hey, wait. Sheepy: Yan: Huh? Arsé-kun: Andersen: You’re a piece of shit, not a jester. Anyway, is this uncertain tall drink of water and booze staying with us now? Sheepy: Yan: Me? Arsé-kun: Andersen: Yes, you. Sheepy: Yan: Yeah, that’s apparently the case. Arsé-kun: Andersen: Finally, an assassin that keeps their class. It’s about time. Sheepy: Yan: Yeah! Sorta. Arsé-kun: Andersen: More than Twit and Twat over here. Good enough. Sheepy: Yan: Great! Sheepy: Holmes: You’re only missing Avenger, R..ider, you do have a rider… Arsé-kun: Medusa: Do you have eyes? Sheepy: Holmes: Exactly two, no more. Arsé-kun: Medusa: Do they both work? Do you need a hint from the peanut gallery? Arsé-kun: *she’s genuinely asking, that’s not sarcasm* Sheepy: Holmes: I’m aware you’re a rider. Arsé-kun: Medusa: Then what is missing? Avenger and what? Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmm? Sheepy: Holmes: Did I say there were two missing? Sheepy: Holmes: I only meant Avenger. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, of course … Sheepy: Holmes: We’re also missing, of the special classes, Shielder, Alter Ego, Moon Cancer…yes, that’s it. Arsé-kun: Minako: And let’s maybe not get that last one. Sheepy: Holmes: Right. Sheepy: Emiya: ….*he raises his eyebrows* Arsé-kun: Andersen: Skip Alter Ego. They’re all extremely difficult in different ways. Sheepy: Holmes: That’s understandable. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: And the single Shielder belongs to Chaldea. We’d have to pass. Sheepy: Emiya: What about Foreigner? Arsé-kun: Minako: …?? *she’s got her mouth full* ???? Sheepy: Holmes: *he forces a smile* I don’t know of it. Arsé-kun: Andersen: …. ….. Arsé-kun: Minako: What’s foreigner? That new? Sheepy: Emiya: Ah, Master. Based on what I’ve heard, the Foreigner class is a recently discovered class. Arsé-kun: Minako: That’s kinda exciting! What do they do? Sheepy: Emiya: As the name implies, it consists of hosts of otherworldly beings. Sheepy: Emiya: Berserkers do very little to them. Arsé-kun: Minako: Berserkers… I don’t like that very much. Sheepy: Emiya: They, meanwhile, easily slaughter Berserkers. Be careful. Sheepy: Holmes:…. Arsé-kun: Minako: Noted. Thanks, Emiya-san. Sheepy: Holmes: (What do we do?) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (…? We’re doing something? Why?) Sheepy: Holmes: (It’s clear Andersen suspects us.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (Who?) Sheepy: Holmes: (The one with blue hair and glasses.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (… Why are you asking me..? My answer is always 'flatten it’) Sheepy: Holmes: (…Right, thanks.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (You’re… Welcome?) Sheepy: Holmes: You might want to try to find one to deal with Berserkers, then. Arsé-kun: Minako: But we can hit Berserkers with anything. Sheepy: Holmes: But they do extra damage in turn. Arsé-kun: Minako: Ehhh.. *she shrugs* Bomb 'em and run like hell, I guess. Sheepy: Holmes: I see. Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (I don’t!) Sheepy: Holmes: (I know) Sheepy: Holmes: (But you have my eyes.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (It helps a lot!) Sheepy: Holmes: (I’m glad.) Arsé-kun: *Hans continues to be suspicious. Nothing has changed. But thankfully, he’s the only one. Maybe?* Sheepy: Holmes:….. Arsé-kun: Andersen: …… Sheepy: Holmes: Did you have something you wanted to ask me? Arsé-kun: Andersen: I did. Sheepy: Holmes: What is it? Arsé-kun: Andersen: *he scribbles something down on a napkin, folds it, and passes it over.* That. Sheepy: Holmes: *he reads it* Arsé-kun: *All it says is “I won’t say anything, Sir.” There’s a bad thumbs up emoji next to it. “Why do you look more introspective than Henry when Hyde’s being a bitch?”* Sheepy: Holmes: *he writes something down and passes it back* Arsé-kun: Andersen: *he takes it and opens it* Sheepy: *“I have a companion of my own, who happens to be relevant currently.”* Arsé-kun: Andersen: … *he nods to Sherlock and pockets the napkin* Sheepy: Gil: What am I missing? Sheepy: Gil: I don’t care but I don’t appreciate secrets being hid from me. Arsé-kun: Andersen: We’re talking shit about Mr. Twat. Sheepy: Gil: Oh, I really don’t care then. Arsé-kun: Andersen: I knew you had it in you. Sheepy: Gil: What? Arsé-kun: Andersen: Doesn’t a great king not care what the peasants say? Sheepy: Kogil: He cares because it’s his job to serve his people. Arsé-kun: Andersen: So I can’t call him a nosy bitch and move on with my life? What a shame. Sheepy: Kogil: Huh? Oh, no, he is. Sheepy: Gil: Oh…you… Sheepy: Gil: You…! Arsé-kun: Andersen: …. … You weren’t supposed to agree with me. I enjoy living. Sheepy: Kogil: Curiosity is what makes us human. Sheepy: Kogil: Unfortunately, being nosy is being a little too curious. Arsé-kun: Medusa: So what’s that make the floating cupcake? *he points up to Mephisto, who looks more amused than insulted* A moron? Sheepy: Kogil: Humanity isn’t something you’re born with. Sheepy: Kogil: It’s something you achieve. Sheepy: Kogil: Anyone can become human. They just have to want to try. Sheepy: Gil: Why would they want to? Arsé-kun: Medusa: It’s better than being a beast. Sheepy: Gil: Hah. It’s true. Arsé-kun: Medusa: Most things are better than that, though. It’s kind of a low bar. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: *he shifts a bit closer to Yan, getting out of Lance’s way* … It’s nice to have another Assassin on board. We get pressured beyond belief against Riders, haha.. Sheepy: Yan: That really sounds like a problem. Sheepy: Yan: But worry not! I have experience with Riders. Sheepy: Yan: Like Puppy used to be a Rider. Weren’t you, Puppy? Sheepy: Lobo: *he lifts his head up from sniffing at Lance and blinks at Yan* Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Was he? I would understand if his, well, rider was, but he himself? Sheepy: Yan: They act as one unit. Sheepy: Yan: But he isn’t three phantoms combined into one. Sheepy: Yan: Those are just the three who survived. Sheepy: Yan: Lobo ate the rest to gain their powers, which is how he ended up an Avenger. Sheepy: Yan: But before that, they were just the Rider class. Sheepy: Yan: Kind of like Kintoki’s motorcycle. He is the rider, but without his motorcycle, can he really be called one? It’s the motorcycle that defines him as a Rider, and therefore, it’s a part of his identity as a Rider. Simply, it too could be considered part of the Rider class. Sheepy: Yan: However, it couldn’t be summoned without Kintoki, because its identity isn’t well known. Likewise, Kintoki couldn’t be summoned within the Rider class without his motorcycle. Similarly, Lobo couldn’t be summoned without his rider nor Jack, which could be said for the other two. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I understand entirely. Sheepy: Yan: That’s the situation Old Man and I have as well. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Let me see if I got this straight. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: It’s like trying to summon me without Hyde, or Hyde without me. Without the other, neither of us are worth much. Sheepy: Yan: Mostly. Sheepy: Yan: We couldn’t survive without our partner. Sheepy: Yan: Our presence isn’t strong enough. We’re just phantoms. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I’d believe it still applies, honestly. At least to me. Sheepy: Yan: But even little droplets of rain add up to a flood. Sheepy: Yan: So when enough phantoms come together… Sheepy: Yan: Our power is such of a Heroic Spirit’s. Sheepy: Yan: So very similar to your situation. Sheepy: Yan: But while you two come from the same source, we get merged with strangers. Sheepy: Yan: Really, the one who intimidates me in that respect is Old Man. The whole thing about his partner phantom’s story is hurting the one you love unintentionally. Sheepy: Yan: Lobo’s just many hateful spirits in one, and I’m not of much interest in that respect. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: *he thinks about this.* I… “I” want to know now, but I think if you’ve got no interest in talking about it, then lets pass it by. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: But could that be why he and Sherlock haven’t knocked the walls down yet? Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Because if he comes to care for Sherlock, the bullets might target him? Sheepy: Yan: I don’t think so. Sheepy: Yan: I think they’re mutually using each other to some extent, and… Arsé-kun: Jekyll: … And? Sheepy: Yan: Look at it this way. Let’s say they fought, and that cursed bullet was accidentally shot. Sheepy: Yan: Who do you think it would hit? Arsé-kun: Jekyll: … Ah, I see what you were saying. Mutual avoidance. Sheepy: Yan: It’s too dangerous for someone in that situation to fight unnecessarily. Sheepy: Yan: I’m sure Holmes recognizes that too. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: Oh, certainly. Arsé-kun: Medusa: You two can just ask him. He’s right here. Or is this normal Assassin business? Sheepy: Yan: Yeah, it’s normal Assassin business. Sheepy: Yan: It’s an exclusive club. Sheepy: Yan: But yeah, that’s all I’ve got. Arsé-kun: Jekyll: I suppose I’ll keep it in mind. And try to keep it in “his” too. Sheepy: Yan: Great! Arsé-kun: Minako: Oh, and thanks for behaving this time, everybody! *she lifts up her hand. two command seals have Returned* I’m glad we didn’t need to enact violence! Sheepy: Gil: Hah, I could take them if I so pleased. Arsé-kun: Minako: I can take your controllers if I pleased, so what? Sheepy: Gil: I could buy new ones. Arsé-kun: Minako: And while you’re gone, hide everything else. Sheepy: Gil:…..My POINT is that you have no control over me. Arsé-kun: Minako: Ok. Sheepy: Gil: Kuhahahaha! You see now, how powerless you are against me, mongrel! Sheepy: Gil: Be grateful! Sheepy: Gil: I have decided to allow you to put on this charade still! Arsé-kun: Minako: Thank you so much for your opinions! They’re worth money I think. Sheepy: Gil: Kuhahahaha! Of course! Sheepy: Gil: And you’re getting it for free! Sheepy: Gil: Be grateful, mongrel! Arsé-kun: Minako: I’m a bit more grateful for not living on the street, but thanks anyway! Sheepy: Gil: You’re welcome. Sheepy: *later, at night!*     Sheepy: — Drip.  Drip.  Drip. The rain was falling harshly upon Bedivere and Lucan as they carried their king to safety.  They barely recognized its uncomfortable sogginess as they slowly persevered.  Bedivere was barely conscious of his surroundings until he heard his brother let out a soft, pained groan. “…Lucan, you should rest.  I can carry him on my own.” “Don’t worry, I’m fine… it’s just a bit more, isn’t it?”  Lucan smiled, but Bedivere couldn’t focus on that. Bright red droplets caught his eye - a sight he had seen regularly that day. Drip.  Drip.  Drip. Blood was pooling from Lucan’s body. but his smile didn’t fade.  He couldn’t let it fade.  No, his king needed him.  His brother needed him.  Once he loses his smile, he loses everything. “Lucan… you’re bleeding.” “I’ve had worse,” Lucan laughed, cut off midway by a sharp pain within him that shook him to his core.  But he has to keep smiling.  He needs to. Drip.  Drip.  Drip. Thud. ”LUCAN!” Lucan couldn’t summon the strength to respond.  It felt as though his insides had just exploded.  His brother’s screams were just background noises as things grew dark, leaving Bedivere alone with his king. “LUCAN…!” Bedivere shot up from his bed, still crying out his brother’s name.  The only response he received was the light rain outside. Drip.  Drip.  Drip. Bedivere used to love the rain.  Now all it reminds him of is his failure as a knight. — Arsé-kun: *Good morning, Bedivere! It is, in fact, lightly raining. According to Merlin’s pink digital clock, it is approximately 4:30 AM.* Arsé-kun: *Also of note is Merlin’s apparent absence, which is a mystery easily solved. Idiot fell off the bed. The Grand Caster, everybody.* Sheepy: *Bedi looks over at Merlin and contemplates waking him to get him off of the floor* Arsé-kun: *Merlin certainly isn’t taking any action to deal with this.* Sheepy: *Bedi gets out of bed and gently shakes Merlin* Sheepy: Bedi: Ummm… Arsé-kun: Merlin: ….. Aye..? Sheepy: Bedi: You’re sleeping on the floor. Arsé-kun: Merlin: … So I was… *He slowly sits up and blinks himself into at least some alertness.* … Why AM I on the floor..? Sheepy: Bedi: I probably shoved you off, but maybe you rolled off. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I don’t feel sore, so probably did it myself. Oopsies!~ :P c Sheepy: Bedi: I’d recommend not sleeping on the floor. Arsé-kun: Merlin: You’re right. But why are you down here with me? Sheepy: Bedi: I, uh, I woke up from a nightmare. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he immediately looks concerned* Are you okay? Sheepy: Bedi: It’s no problem! I’m fine. Arsé-kun: Merlin: If you say so.. Are you coming back to bed? Sheepy: Bedi: I think I’m up for the night. Sheepy: Bedi: It’s difficult to sleep through the rain. Arsé-kun: Merlin: Aww. Well, hopefully it’ll stop soon, for your sake. Sheepy: Bedi: Thank you. I’ll be fine. This is normal. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That’s what worries me. *he pats Bedi’s shoulder, then drags himself up and back onto the bed. Ugh. MOVING. What a CHORE.* Sheepy: Bedi: There’s no need to worry. It’s normal, so I’m used to it. Arsé-kun: Merlin: That’s why I’m worried!! You’re going to go Stockholm on your own nightmares.. Sheepy: Bedi:….? Arsé-kun: Merlin: … I’ll tell you in the morning. Sheepy: Bedi: *he forces a smile* Thank you. I’ll try to remember in case you forget. Arsé-kun: Merlin: 'Welcome. *he rolls over and pulls the blanket back up.* Sheepy: Bedi: Good night. Arsé-kun: Merlin: 'Ight. Sheepy: Bedi: *he waits for a bit before heading out of the room to find something to do* Arsé-kun: *It’s quiet. But not too quiet. This is not a horror film.* Sheepy: Bedi: *is anyone up?* Arsé-kun: *Well, the vampires and Rider, playing a silent game of cards. Vlad looks #done* Sheepy: Lobo: *he is looking at the cards blankly* Sheepy: Lobo: *he looks up and begins snarling* Arsé-kun: Vlad: …? Sheepy: Bedi: I’m sorry for interrupting. Sheepy: Bedi: I was just looking for something to do. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Ah, that is fine. Do you wish to join us? Sheepy: Bedi: I’m not very good at cards, but… Arsé-kun: Vlad: You do not have to be. Sheepy: Bedi: Then I’d like to join. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Pull up a seat. We’re only playing go fish. Sheepy: Bedi: *he pulls up a seat and sits at the table* Arsé-kun: *Vlad deals him a hand and the game continues* Sheepy: Lobo: *he flops over on the ground partway through the game* Arsé-kun: *His cards are distributed accordingly* Sheepy: Bedi: This reminds me of the games I used to play with my fellow knights. Sheepy: Bedi: Some of us were more competitive than others, such as… Sheepy: Bedi:…Sir Lancelot and Sir Gawain. Sheepy: Bedi: Meanwhile, Sir Tristan would fall asleep, on the opposite side of the spectrum. Arsé-kun: Vlad: I’m rather glad this Lancelot does not join us, then. This is not meant to be competitive. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, I agree. Although…I doubt the Berserker would act that way Sheepy: Bedi: However, Saber… Arsé-kun: Vlad: … I would fear for our quiet evenings. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, our games would get intense very quickly. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Amadeus would have our heads. Sheepy: Bedi: …However, I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss those days. … Ah, Mozart…. Sheepy: Bedi:…He probably already wants my head. Sheepy: Bedi: I’m sorry if my shouting bothered you. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Not at all. Sheepy: Bedi: I’m happy to hear that. Sheepy: Lobo: *he has turned his attention to chewing on a squeaky toy* Arsé-kun: Vlad: … This is why. Sheepy: Bedi: Poor Mozart… Arsé-kun: *Suddenly flying down the stairs and whizzing past the table is what looks like a football. Lobo! Get the football!* Sheepy: Lobo: *he launches at the football and grabs it with his teeth* Arsé-kun: *No more squeaky noises!* Sheepy: Lobo: *he plops down on the ground next to Vlad and continues chewing on the football* Arsé-kun: Mozart: How utterly awful that was! *he has arrived downstairs* Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize for my shouting. Arsé-kun: Mozart: That’s quite fine. It isn’t something you can help. Squeaky toys at 3 am, however… *he shoots Lobo a dirty glare* Sheepy: Lobo: *he ignores Mozart in favor of focusing on the football* Arsé-kun: Mozart: *he snatches up the squeaky toy, and goes to exit after a quick little wave. goodbye mozart* Sheepy: Lobo: *he looks up and blinks. where did his squeaky toy go* Arsé-kun: *it vanished! (thank god)* Sheepy: Lobo: *he stands up and starts sniffing around. does Vlad have it?* Arsé-kun: *Vlad holds his hands up. He does not have it!* Sheepy: Lobo: *he sniffs at Vlad’s hands* Arsé-kun: *no toy! Vlad pats his nose though* Sheepy: Lobo: *he nuzzles Vlad in response* Arsé-kun: *good shit op* Sheepy: Bedi: I feel like I should be doing something of importance, being up this late. Arsé-kun: Vlad: It does often feel that way, doesn’t it? But perhaps there is. Sheepy: Bedi: There’s something I should be doing… Arsé-kun: Vlad: Perhaps, perhaps not. Sheepy: Bedi: What do you think it could be? Arsé-kun: Vlad: I would have no idea. Why don’t you take a walk around the halls? It’s unlikely you’ll be interrupted. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh! Good idea. Arsé-kun: Vlad: And while you do that.. Carmilla? Shall we go out and get lunch? Sheepy: Carmilla: Yeah, sure. Arsé-kun: Vlad: Great, because I was going to go no matter the answer. Sheepy: Carmilla: Wow. Arsé-kun: Vlad: We’d better get going, then, before it gets light out. Sheepy: Carmilla: Yeah. Arsé-kun: *spoop patrol exits scene.* Sheepy: *Bedi, meanwhile, is walking through the halls* Arsé-kun: *It’s dark. It’s quiet. It’s kinda nice, but also a little bit spooky.* Sheepy: *Bedi doesn’t mind it.* Arsé-kun: *Thankfully his eyes have adjusted to the darkness, so he can see where he is going. Only the furthest parts of the hall are hard to see, and for some reason a nearby doorway. Maybe it’s just the angle he’s on.* Sheepy: Bedi:….? Sheepy: *Bedi goes to investigate* Arsé-kun: *It’s very dark, even up close. Like, super dark. This isn’t normal darkness. This is ADVANCED DARKNESS!* Sheepy: Bedi: *he slowly puts out Airgetlam to touch it* Arsé-kun: *It, strangely enough, shrinks back from his hand. Scared darkness? That’s weird.* Sheepy: Bedi:…Hello? Arsé-kun: *The darkness doesn’t answer back. This is.. Probably a good thing?* Sheepy: Bedi: Huh. Sheepy: Bedi: I was expecting more of a response…what is this? Sheepy: *Bedi begins poking at it with Airgetlam* Arsé-kun: *It continues retreating, and shrinking. Bedi can now see some of the room. It’s nothing special.* Sheepy: Bedi: If only I had a flashlight. Sheepy: Bedi:…. Sheepy: Bedi:…..*he looks to Airgetlam* Sheepy: Bedi: Airgetlam, switch on! *Airgetlam shines brightly!* Arsé-kun: *Some of the room is instantly lit up! The rest is.. Still pitch black. As I said before, this is ADVANCED DARKNESS* Sheepy: Bedi:…! Sheepy: Bedi: *he pokes at it again* Arsé-kun: *The shadows retreat a bit more than they had prior, with a bit of a… Whine? It was something.* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh! It’s alive! Sheepy: Bedi: Hello? Arsé-kun: *It eventually stops shrinking, leaving a ball of shadow on the sofa. But no answer.* Sheepy: Bedi: *he gently shakes it* Arsé-kun: *There’s a very quiet but distressed “Go awayyy..!” from the shadows, which shift away before becoming a tighter ball.* Sheepy: Bedi: ….? Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize, it’s just… Sheepy: Bedi: You…were kind of…um.. Sheepy: Bedi:…well. You piqued my curiosity. Arsé-kun: ?: Dooon’t…! *They recoil away from Bedi, despite him not touching them this time.* Jus’ kill me and get it over with…! Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? I won’t hurt you! Sheepy: Bedi: It’s okay. Everything is fine. I’ll stand back until you feel comfortable with me approaching, okay? Arsé-kun: ?: … always do, it’s… fault, it’s my fault, it’s my fault, it’s my f*They hiccup really quietly* why why why why why why why whyyyyy*hic*yyyyy..? Sheepy: Bedi: …? Sheepy: Bedi: What is? Arsé-kun: ?: … … .nnn… Arsé-kun: ?: …… not the carving tools againnnnn… … anything but… Arsé-kun: *His voice slowly gets louder as he pleads with an unseen enemy, begging them not to hurt him again. It culminates in screaming and violently thrashing up off the sofa- most likely hitting Bedivere (but doing little to no actual damage)- before coming to a stop hanging off of the sofa and panting heavily. Despite all of this, he hasn’t actually woken himself up entirely.* Arsé-kun: *As well, now that he has stopped being curled up into a ball, he’s now recognizable as Angra (if he wasn’t before.)* Sheepy: Bedi: It’s okay, it’s okay. No one will hurt you here. Arsé-kun: Angra: … …? *he slightly looks up at Bedi* … Sheepy: Bedi: I’m sorry for waking you. However… Arsé-kun: Angra: … *he blinks, and pauses before jumping up onto the back of the sofa. A very delayed reaction.* H-how long have you been here?? Sheepy: Bedi: Not for too long. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he groans and flops back down* Great, cool! Now my traumatic backstory is out in the wild! Grrrrreat! *he is not pleased.* Sheepy: Bedi: You were having a nightmare, although I didn’t realize that at first. *he smiles* Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Sheepy: Bedi: I was just worried about you, so I stayed with you. Sheepy: Bedi: If I encounter you in such a state in the future, I could get you a blanket and leave you be instead if you would so prefer. Arsé-kun: Angra: … … *he looks more confused than anything* Uhm.. Thanks..? Sheepy: Bedi: I apologize if I’m making you uncomfortable. Arsé-kun: Angra: It’s not, um. *he huffs and sits up* I did mean thanks, that’s real, but.. *he seems conflicted, before just giving up on being subtle* Nobody’s ever that nice to me. You know what I am, yeah? Sheepy: Bedi: I do. Sheepy: Bedi: However… Sheepy: Bedi: I would never dislike you. Sheepy: Bedi: It doesn’t matter to me who you are. I won’t treat you poorly because of it. Arsé-kun: Angra: … … *he tilts his head to the side* Thank you? A terrible decision, really, but thanks anyway. Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Sheepy: Bedi: I don’t believe so. Sheepy: Bedi: I don’t dislike anyone. Arsé-kun: Angra: Anyone? Not even the dark shady butler guy? Sheepy: Bedi: No, I don’t dislike even him. Arsé-kun: Angra: Huh. Sheepy: Bedi: I see him as a problem to solve, but once he’s no longer attempting to hurt us, I wish him the best. Sheepy: Bedi: Perhaps one might find that odd, but… Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose I’m just an odd individual: Arsé-kun: Angra: *he thinks about this* You really are some sorta screwball, but hey, you’re not bad. Sheepy: Bedi: I’m happy to hear that. Sheepy: Bedi: However… Sheepy: Bedi: It saddens me to hear people don’t treat you very nicely. Sheepy: Bedi: Is there anything I could do for you? Sheepy: Bedi: I’m fairly good at cooking simple things and I can make coffee well, so maybe I could make something for you? Arsé-kun: Angra: … That’d be nice… Sheepy: Bedi: What would you like? Arsé-kun: Angra: Yer asking me? Hm.. Hmmmm! Something edible! Sheepy: Bedi: … Sheepy: Bedi: Do you have no preference…? Sheepy: Bedi: Ah��then I’ll share my favorite meal with you! Sheepy: Bedi: Do you mind vegetables? Arsé-kun: Angra: Great question! Lets find out. Sheepy: *Bedi goes to the kitchen and begins cooking steamed veggies!* Arsé-kun: *Angra follows him and plops into a chair. Obseeeerve* Sheepy: Bedi: What hobbies do you have? Arsé-kun: Angra: Does people watching count? Caaause if not, I got nothin’. Sheepy: Bedi: I think it does. Sheepy: Bedi: I found watching mankind evolve around me absolutely fascinating. Sheepy: Bedi:…Of course…my wanderings were my punishment, but even still, I enjoyed them to some extent. Sheepy: Bedi: Of course… Sheepy: Bedi: My favorite dish is what it is due to what it reminds me of. Sheepy: Bedi: Of course… Sheepy: Bedi: My favorite dish is what it is due to what it reminds me of. Sheepy: Bedi: The happy times of the Knights of the Round Table. I had it often back then because I loved it even then. Sheepy: Bedi: But now, it’s more of a symbol of…oh, I apologize for rambling. It’s a bad habit of mine. Arsé-kun: Angra: Nah, go ahead, dude. I ain’t got much to say. Sheepy: Bedi: So it doesn’t bore you? Arsé-kun: Angra: Not yet at least! Sheepy: Bedi: It’s more of a symbol of those happy times because I was completely incapable of making it on my travels. Arsé-kun: Angra: But you can now? Sheepy: Bedi: I’m capable of making it now, but it’s the only thing that truly remains from those times. Sheepy: Bedi: Do you ever wish things were just a bit different? Almost as though you could erase memories of the past that changed you? Arsé-kun: Angra: Fuck, man. I’d be some random schmuck otherwise. And some third schmuck would be stuck with what I had.. Feels bad. Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose. Sheepy: Bedi: I understand those memories are important, yet…I… Arsé-kun: Angra: Eh! Shit happens, it makes the world turn. That and black magic, but anyway. And then you die. Sheepy: Bedi:..I recognize we’ll never return to those happy times, so we just have to make new ones. But with Sir Lancelot a berserker due to what happened between himself and our King, Sir Gawain completely unrestrained by any moral compass in some respects due to our King not watching over him, and Sir Tristan in…ah, he hasn’t changed a bit. Sheepy: Bedi: But it feels like it’s impossible. Even if we’re happy together, something is missing. Something is wrong. Sheepy: Bedi: And it just weighs on the back of my mind. Arsé-kun: Angra: Get over it, that’s my advice. You’re not gettin’ it back. Never will. Why bother? Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, that’s true. Sheepy: Bedi: But… Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose why I bother is because I dearly love my friends. I’d like to see them smile again without seeing that guilt behind their eyes. …Other than Sir Tristan. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, it’s ready. Arsé-kun: Angra: Well, tell them to stop bein’ pussies. Except the Berserker, I guess, he’ll kill me. Sheepy: *Bedi dishes out the steamed veggies and gives them to Angra* Sheepy: Bedi:…Hmm… Tell them to… Sheepy: Bedi:..would that work… Sheepy: Bedi: …Thank you… Sheepy: Bedi: You’ve actually helped me a lot. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yeah, sure, any time. And you helped more. Sheepy: Bedi: I’m happy to hear that. Arsé-kun: *Angra considers the veggies. He considers the coconuts, and it’s trees. It’s still hot. He likes his tongue not burning to a cinder.* Sheepy: Bedi: If you like it, I’ll make it for you in the future. If not, I’ll try to come up with something else. Sheepy: Bedi: My brother is a much better cook than me. Sheepy: Bedi: However…I’ll do my best! Arsé-kun: Angra: It’s not pitch black, yer already better than half the shit I’ve seen. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, that sounds accurate. Arsé-kun: *Angra goes to nom. !!! It is immediately Angra-Approved.* Sheepy: Bedi: Oh…! I’ll keep in mind that you like it! Arsé-kun: *Angra proceeds to more or less inhale the edibles. is gud* Sheepy: *Bedi finishes cleaning* Arsé-kun: *Until Angra comes over with his plate and utensils. You are not done.* Sheepy: *Bedi begins cleaning those, too* Arsé-kun: *Good man Bedivere LastName* Arsé-kun: Angra: So, uh… Now what? Arsé-kun: Angra: I’d love to fuck with somebody, but I’ll die instantly. Sheepy: Bedi: Hmm.. Sheepy: Bedi: Do you want to try going back to sleep? Arsé-kun: Angra: Should, but I’m not feeling it. Sheepy: Bedi: Hmm… Sheepy: Bedi: I was considering it myself because…what if Merlin gets lonely? Arsé-kun: Angra: Then sucks to be him. Arsé-kun: Angra: Oh, oh, I know. I can be a creepy weirdo and you can see if everyone’s doing okay. It’s Halloween, after all! Nobody is safe! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh…! Sheepy: Bedi: But wouldn’t that wake them up? Arsé-kun: Angra: What are you gonna do, jump on their bed until it breaks? Why would it? Sheepy: Bedi: Jump on their bed…? Arsé-kun: Angra: You’re not, right? So why would you wake anyone up? It’s bitch o clock am. Sheepy: Bedi: I’ve only heard of such activities in rumors…! Sheepy: Bedi: That children jump on their beds and get punished. Arsé-kun: Angra: Well, yeah. They would go flyin’ out windows, or hit the floor, or do somethin’ stupid. We’re adults, we can do what we goddamn want. Sheepy: Bedi: ….However, when I asked if Satoru partakes in such activities….he replied, “Why? What does it accomplish?” Arsé-kun: Angra: The same as other time wasters! It’s fun! Sheepy: Bedi: They meant not actual children, but manchildren! Sheepy: Bedi: You’re very knowledgeable! Arsé-kun: Angra: Real kids? Shouldn’t do it. They’ll gottdam die. And are you calling me a manchildren?? Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Sheepy: Bedi: *he tilts his head* Huh? Arsé-kun: Angra: *he tilts his in response* Huh? Do we think better when we tilt? Sheepy: Bedi: Well, I thought you were like Andersen. Sheepy: Bedi: You gave me “old man in a child’s body” vibes, but not the way Satoru does. Arsé-kun: Angra: I mean, I was pretty old when I finally died! Does that count? Sheepy: Bedi: Oh! So was… Sheepy: Bedi:….I? Sheepy: Bedi:…… Sheepy: Bedi:…..??? Arsé-kun: Angra: Should I be calling you old man, then?? Sheepy: Bedi: I didn’t actually die….I kind of was just …sent to the void? Arsé-kun: Angra: I’d say lucky you, but can’t share the feeling! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, it’s quite unnatural. Sheepy: Bedi: I wouldn’t expect anyone to relate. Arsé-kun: Angra: That’s why yer lucky, but whatever. Sheepy: Bedi: Oh. Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose I might be lucky in some people’s eyes in that respect. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he sorta shrugs* Sheepy: Bedi: Anyway…um… Sheepy: Bedi: What now? Arsé-kun: Angra: I dunno. What do you fancy pantsy knights do, anyway? Sheepy: Bedi: Whatever my king asks of me. Sheepy: Bedi: Other than that… Sheepy: Bedi: We spend time together, train ourselves, spar, or do what we need in order to live. Sheepy: Bedi: A bond between your fellow knights is incredibly important. Sheepy: Bedi: It’ll be what saves you. Sheepy: Bedi: We also sightsee…but if you mean now… Sheepy: Bedi:…Unfortunately, I think Sir Lancelot and Sir Tristan mope all the time with very few breaks, Sir Gawain is a skirt chaser, and I spend most of my time by Merlin’s side. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yeah, I noticed. It’s a good source of food for me. Sheepy: Bedi: Lucan hasn’t changed a bit other than the massive hole in his chest, Sir Kay hasn’t changed, and Griflet apparently enjoys children’s shows. Sheepy: Bedi: I would be overjoyed if all of us could come together for a party of some sort. Arsé-kun: Angra: Then have a party! Go nuts, go feral, get smashed and get “smashed”! Arsé-kun: Angra: You wanna do a thing? Do the thing! Sheepy: Bedi: *he eagerly holds his fists up in front of his chest, smiling brightly* I’ll “go feral”! Arsé-kun: Angra: Wait wait wait hold on wait *this is not the reply he expected At All* Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Arsé-kun: *And poor Angra now has to explain EXACTLY what “Going feral” means. He throws Sicko Mode in for a bonus* Sheepy: Bedi:….I don’t really understand, so I’ll just ask Merlin Arsé-kun: Angra: Oh my gggghh.. It means you act like a nutcase wild animal! Go nuts! Go crazy! Same thing! Please don’t actually use it, I might be murdered for it! Sheepy: Bedi: Oh… Sheepy: Bedi: I’ll avoid it. Arsé-kun: Angra: Lobo going on a murder spree is going feral. Me drinking a keg of beer and committing a crime is going feral. You’re a goodie two shoes, you avoid that. Sheepy: Bedi: I see. Sheepy: Bedi: But… Sheepy: Bedi: Isn’t it “Goodie two snooze”? Sheepy: Bedi: Lucan says that a goodie two snooze is someone who’s good at droning on to the point that you get in two naps before they’re done. Sheepy: Bedi: And that any similar phrases are wrong and I should question them. Arsé-kun: Angra: Eh? A liar? Lemme beat him up and die for my transgressions. Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Arsé-kun: Angra: Never mind! *he decides to do it himself later this week.* Sheepy: Bedi: My brother’s very smart. Arsé-kun: Angra: Yeah, in the bad ideas and puns department. Sheepy: Bedi: For example.. Sheepy: Bedi: Did you know that alcohol was invented by someone named Alfred Kay Hole? But his friends would call him Al for short. Sheepy: Bedi: He told me that. Arsé-kun: Angra: Did he? Hmm! Sheepy: Bedi: I hadn’t heard it before. He’s very knowledgeable! Arsé-kun: Angra: He must be, to know such weird stuff. Sheepy: Bedi: Yes, exactly Sheepy: Bedi: He loves teaching me these things, too. Sheepy: Bedi: And spreading the word. He tells me to share my newfound knowledge whenever I can. Arsé-kun: Angra: Maaan.. *does he tell Bedi? Does he not? Which is the more evil of the two? And which keeps him fed?* … Arsé-kun: Angra: You know he’s fuckin’ with you, right? Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Sheepy: Bedi: Oh, people tell me this often. Arsé-kun: Angra: Al Kay Hole? Alcohol? He’s messing with you. Sheepy: Bedi: But Lucan doesn’t lie. Arsé-kun: Angra: Also, it’s goodie two-shoes. But I might steal the other one! Sheepy: Bedi: He says that he knows a lot of facts about make up, not that they’re lies. Sheepy: Bedi:…Or is it a lot of facts that he makes up? Sheepy: Bedi: Either way, he knows a lot of facts! Arsé-kun: Angra: Both? But these sound like bullshit to me, and I know bullshit! I speak it fluently! He’s makin’ shit up and watchin’ you embarrass yourself! What a dickkk! Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Sheepy: Bedi: Hmmmm…but… Sheepy: Bedi: *he tilts his head* … Arsé-kun: Angra: Whaaaat an asshollle! A whole douché de pas! Arsé-kun: Angra: And the entire asshole ballet! Sheepy: Bedi: So then… Sheepy: Bedi: Eggnog isn’t an alcoholic beverage for chickens? Arsé-kun: Angra: Nope! Sheepy: Bedi: And Santa doesn’t put people down on his naughty list permanently if they forget to bake cookies for him? Arsé-kun: Angra: Nooope! The Krampus might consider it though! Sheepy: Bedi: Lucan said he was giving his gifts to me because he felt bad for me and was taking the coal… Sheepy: Bedi: He even put my name on in advance… Arsé-kun: Angra: … IS regifting a sin? *thinking emoji* Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Arsé-kun: Angra: The answer issss! Ittttttt’s not! Sheepy: Bedi:….!? Sheepy: Bedi: And the Easter bunny doesn’t eat people whose hair makes people think of bunnies!? Arsé-kun: Angra: It’s a rabbit! Why would he eat people? He’s not the beast! Sheepy: Bedi:…Because he’s hungry after laying eggs. Sheepy: Bedi: But he eats other rabbits for fuel. Sheepy: Bedi: His vision isn’t very good so he mistakes people with hairstyles like mine for rabbits. Arsé-kun: Angra: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard tonight! I love it. I’m going to scare children with it next year. Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Arsé-kun: Angra: That’s dumb. Hi, I’m your villain for the evening and you’re kinda naive, ain'tcha? Arsé-kun: Angra: A bit dumb in the upstairs? A little too trusting of man? Like okay, Spenta, we get it, you’re the nicest guy in the world, but yer kind of an idiot? Arsé-kun: Angra: You a doormat or a man? Ch-ch-check yaself 'fore ya wreck yaself! Arsé-kun: *Angra attempts an airhorn noise, but not too loudly. bewww bewbewbewbewwww* Arsé-kun: Angra: Anyway if you hold him down, I’ll kick him in the taint for ya. Sheepy: Bedi: Huh? Sheepy: Bedi: Isn’t it better to be trusting than to constantly question whether something is a lie? Sheepy: Bedi: My brother wouldn’t have any reason to lie to me, would he? Sheepy: Bedi: And….a doormat, hm. Sheepy: Bedi: I wonder if I am one….I wonder… I’ll ask Merlin about what you’re saying. Arsé-kun: Angra: Easy answer. For his own amusement! People can be diiiiicks! Sheepy: Bedi:?! Sheepy: Bedi: Wh…what!? Arsé-kun: Angra: Surprise! Sheepy: Bedi: But…! Sheepy: Bedi: I can’t believe this… Sheepy: Bedi:….I need to ask Merlin about this… Arsé-kun: Angra: Yeaaah, probs a good idea. Believin’ the shit I say might not always be good! Sheepy: Bedi: I suppose so. Sheepy: Bedi: I have a lot to think about… (CONTINUED IN 14.5)

[tube-thoughts-blog]

tube thoughts vol. 7

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Rifftrax presents "Cool As Ice" --1991-- *Snow aka Justin Bieber gives Bella Swan goosebumps and crotch-rocket road rash.* 3 stars with riffing or running from zero to 1 star without

"Dumb and Dumber To" ---2014--- *Sloppy seconds.* 2 stars

VH1 --sneak peak-- "Suave Says" --2014-- *A "thrilling" inside look into the post music career, current evangelical motivational speaking venture, and wealthy domestic drama of a one hit wonder pop star from wayback in 1991. Gerardo aka Rico Suave.* 1/2 a star

"That's My Boy" (2012) *Topics like underage student and teacher sexual relationships and incest are dealt with maturely by Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, and Vanilla Ice. Of course not, but this isn't even creatively controversial or riotously raunchy in any remarkable way. It's just another formulaic Adam Sandler movie that hits all the same notes as usual.* either zero stars or 1 star

The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community Tv- -The Comedy Network- (1998) *Bemused, pertubed, fumed. These are just a few of the reactions Tom illicits from anyone not in on the joke.* 2 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of Laughing in the Dark *"Pick the right door, and you'll go free. Pick the wrong door, and there he'll be." He being a cigar puffing, nightmarish, funhouse clown.* 3 stars

"Housebound" ---2014--- *"An active mind in an inactive environment." The Brits make a superbly spooky mystery with dry and subtle humor.* 3 stars

"Chonda Pierce On Her Soapbox" (1999) *Folksy entertainment variety and jubilee from a real life Peggy Hill.* 1 star

Buckmasters -Young Bucks- "The Misadventures of Bubba" (1992) *Near fatal hunting accidents hilarity with a Jim Varney caricature.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

"Dancing Outlaw, Jesco White" (1991) & Jesco Goes to Hollywood (1994) *''Sorrow, hatred, and madness. '' "If you wanna get to heaven, you got to raise a little hell."* Heaven for Jesco is dancing at Elvis' star on the Hollywood walk of fame and guest starring on Roseanne or huffing fumes.*        3 stars

Fargo: The Crocodile's Dilemma *"What's the policy? See, I'm sort of a student of institutions." Billy Bob Thornton can play indifferent malice like no other.* 3 stars

15 Storeys High: The Sofa *Lord Snooty's couch, club card, co-opting of other people's conundrums, and crisis 'cause he can't stand to be cuddled.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

12:01 Beyond-- Christmas Special 2014 -------------------------------

*World Friendship Society - Please Just Go (music video)* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Le Passage (movie trailer): More badass than Home Alone and Rambo.*          3 stars

*Lobo for the charity "Socks for Tots" gently used socks for children at Christmas at the North Pole. Lonely odd socks for lonely odd kids.* 2 1/2 stars

*Ninja, the Mission Force: "Clam chowder can only mean a ninja challenge."*     2 1/2 stars

*Lobo argues the Holiday Blues with his potted plant, Ms. Mittens.*         between 2 & 2 1/2 *

*Fleischer Studios - Superman - The Arctic Giant: A kaiju nearly destroys Metropolis and swallows Lois whole.* 3 stars

*Treevenge: sentient x-mas trees turn the tables on crass Christmas celebrations and begin tearing the merry folk to shreds.* 3 stars

*Lobo fills holiday stockings full of leftover Halloween Candy.* 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo meets Ro-Man the Robot Monster from the 1950s B sci fi movie, at the north pole, and suggests he kidnap Santa Claus.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*Reverse Pharmacology: Incredibly hilarious imagined symptoms of a placebo taken by medical test subjects under lab conditions.* close to 3 stars

*Pueblo Sleep Solutions presents 'The Bedtime Bruiser' (commercial)*               2 1/2 stars

*Don't Open Till Christmas (movie): Scotland Yard is on the case of serial slayings of Santas.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

*Lobo gets an 8 track player for X Mas* 2 stars

*The Lobo (DC Comics character, not the guy from the 12:01 skits) Paramilitary Christmas Special: The Easter Bunny hires the meanest bounty hunter in the galaxy to hunt down and take out the fat man and his elves.* 3 stars

*Sleigh Runner: The Communist tradition of Christmas is put to an end by a Eastern European Rob Zombie lookalike cowboy killer.* 2 1/2 stars

*Happy Holidays to all the fans of the New Mission Impossible (tv series).*          3 stars

*"This Christmas forget milk and cookies. He wants blood." TWo Front Teeth (low budget movie trailer). The elves in this flick look pretty nightmarish and the characters, especially the black cowboy, look interesting. Interest peaked.* 3 stars

*Republic Pictures Serial -The Crimson Ghost- Chapter 3- The Fatal Sacrifice:  The Crimson Ghost's hideous high wire act.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*The metal band HEMI perform the song Dust to Dust live in a club.*           close to 3 stars

*Neon Harbor presents Space Ninja the animated movie: A cyber dystopia mixed with feudal Japan. technology and swordplay eyecandy-gorgeous must see for me.* 3 stars

*Ro-Man mistakenly beheads Santa for Lobo who claims no responsibility for the death of the mythical character.* 2 1/2 stars

*Action International Home Pictures presents the "Gruesome Holiday shocker." "Elves" starring Grizzly Adams (retro movie trailer)* 3 stars

*Vinegar Syndrome presents on Blu Ray "You Better Watch Out" aka "Christmas Evil": And they've added a beautifully twisted painted portrait of the movie's tragic hero on the box art.* 3 stars

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tales from the Crypt: The Ventriloquist's Dummy *Pathetic weirdo and hack ventriloquist comedian Bobcat Goldthwait's idol Don Rickles isn't really a retired, bitter legend of ventriloquism. He's actually a prisoner of his own responsibility to keep his beautiful-woman-hating, conjoined twin freak brother from ever killing again.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Deadline ----------

*Writing obituaries does seem like the typically morbid Summer job that a Springwood teenager would have.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

*Springwood, where suicidal teenagers wish they were dead so that they can be reunited with their ghost bff(s) and douchebag, ponytailed dreamlovers.*      2 stars

---------------------------------------------

Red Shoe Diaries: Safe Sex *A smooth talker brings a sad, vulnerable business professional lady in out of the rain, and she still makes him wear a raincoat in bed. So, so, softcore stories sent in to a personal ad's post office box and then picked up and retold by shadowy anywhere North America David Duchovny character, which is nice trimming for the show, but damn is the sensitive lite soul torch singing background music awful. I prefer a cheesy, solo saxophone over this -Lifetime For Women lyrics- boner killing tripe.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Brian De Palma's "The Black Dahlia" (2006) *I'm a sucker for Los Angeles noir settings, slaughtered pretty girls like Laura Palmer, and conspiracy art like Alan Moore's From Hell.* 2 1/2 stars

Transparent: season 1 -episode 1 *Three self absorbed siblings can't see past themeselves enough to be aware of their father for what he truly is and themselves for what they might actually be. The conservative side of me wants to say that this is more of liberal Hollywood's agenda to undermine traditional America by saying everyone secretly wants and would be happier with an alternative lifestyle. Also, I can't remember the last time I saw so many aesthetically interesting (not exploitive or trying too hard to be sexy) glimpses of comfortable nudity.* 3 stars

Weird Science: Cyrano DeBraniac *"The savage game of sexual attraction" requires all of one's synapses to be firing and it doesn't hurt to have a time and space manipulating genie, who's also sexy, to unzip Einstein's undead brain out of the fourth dimension.*             2 1/2 stars

Thundarr the Barbarian: Den of the Sleeping Demon *A pair of clumsy junior adventurers, and their huge bird friend, help rebury a genetic research monstrosity that was given a high voltage reawakening.*      3 stars

--- Swamp Thing: The Dark Side of the Mirror

*Everyone in this town is so stupid and easily manipulated that Arcane could have probably just walked up to the new determined district attorney, at dinner in a fancy restaurant, and shot him in the head, instead of genetically mutating the musclebound moronic deputy into a Swamp Thing double assassin.

The town formed an extremely enraged mob, in a matter of minutes, and even the longest running protagonist human characteron the show (Jim's mom) is willing to throw her morals aside for blind vengeance.

Thank goodness Jim's brother Will, the new female lead Kari Wuhrer, and Swamp Thing are decent characters.

I'm glad for the upgrade from Jim to Will. Will is a better character and it gives the show more of an adult cast and less of a Timmy fell down the well and needs to be saved, each week, routine.

Still, some of the acting is low quality from the extras.

Feels like they used the stunt man from the fight scenes to do the lines, to save money, when it would have been better to switch him out for a real actor.*

between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

--------------------------------------------------

Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 17 *A wild goose chase for the legendary Mothman. The leader of PRS probably doesn't realize how much he comes off like X Files' Fox Mulder as he keeps repeating the phrase "I want to believe."* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Sentry *"Don't linger in the shadows." It will "rile the bile" about lizard-men living deep within the earth where corporations and shadowy government organizations are storing their darkest secrets. The most daring reporter,ever, of tabloid monster mysteries makes his last (documented) stand down there.* 3 stars

"Room 237" (2012) *"The past doesn't exist." But film historians, and fans, are still dissecting the ghost of Stanley Kubrick and the symbolic filmic events surrounding the almost mythical Overlook Hotel.* 3 stars

Lucio Fulci's "Conquest" (1983) *Cro-Magnon man was ruled by a cruel dominatrix / naked lady performance artist / new-age goddess, along with her band of fanatical furries. That is until Ronnie James Dio & Luke Skywalker changed things. Conquest establishes itself apart from other low budget and dumb sword & sorcery flicks, of the early 1980s, with its dreamlike aesthetic and gore-crazy practical special fx.*   between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Begotten" (1990) *Imagine a super 8mm National Geographic hallucination of twitching, early 20th century mental patients being tortured and abused in the ruins of a 19th century pastoral southern gothic wasteland lurked over by pre-modern-civilization tribal sacrificial rites that are even more hellish and nightmarish than actual pagan practices predating contemporary times. Black mold on the walls of farmhouses with sun peeled paint and holes in the tin roof where the sound of dripping rain and viscus is constant on rusting metal surfaces that lie just beyond open rock quarries crawled over by lepers, in rags, dragging shaved and mutilated Christ-like figures who spew black stigmata from their weeping eyes and mouths.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Taint Misbehavin' *A dying Dan Halen requires the citizens of Dougal County to join him in the paradise of the afterlife. Granny and Early get giddy because they mistakenly believe they're going to a resort town in Tennessee, when they're actually heading for the ancient Egyptian land of the dead.* 2 1/2 stars

Workaholics -2015 Season- --preview trailer-- *Some Comedy Central money went into a 2 minute parody of the new Mad Max movie, popular crime tv shows like Sons of Anarchy, strippers, bullet porn fx, and "cool" explosions.* close to 2 1/2 stars (for the misguided effort)

Hannibal: Apéritif *The mongoose meets the cobra.* 3 stars

Jonny Quest: The House of the Seven Gargoyles *An icy fate for an acrobatic dwarf creeping around a castle posing as a gothic statue and trying to choke his unsuspecting victims.* 3 stars

Dr. Who (4th Doctor - Tom Baker): The Android Invasion *A Benedict Arnold astronaut returns from being lost in space, now brainwashed by aliens carrying a shipment of human replicants and a deadly virus.* 3 stars

Farscape: Jeremiah Crichton *Crichton becomes a castaway on green planet inhabited by a tribal, and somewhat peaceful people, although there is some jealousy when the daughter of the chief becomes smitten with Crichton. After spending part of a cycle looking for Crichton, Rigel and Dargo find him all scruffy and weather beaten. In a Return of the Jedi C3PO twist, Rigel is the tribe's prophesized messiah and the three must save these exiled, forced by forcefield to be primitive people, or else be sacrificed themselves due to stupid politics and a conspiracy of priestly hierarchy.* 3 stars

Bob & Margaret: For Pete's Sake *Bob's brother is a pretentious tv chef, and when he gets a gig in India, Bob and Margaret have to look after his two annoying brats.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Dark Music *The power to control demonic forces, living in the root cellar, lies in the sounds on the radio. A tired of being picked on paperboy uses this knowledge to payback the scummy metal-head bully next door and his mean, little sister.*       3 stars

"The Initiation of Sarah" (1978) *This feels like a hazy 70s tv movie version of Carrie the college years. Two sisters pledge and go through the occult like Greek sorrority ceremonies. The good looking one gets picked by Morgan Fairchild's meangirl sisters and has to be cruel to the other. The timid one has her telepathic powers exploited by a witch wannabe Shelly Winters in the rival plain Jane house complete with a maze backyard.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

---Thrashin'--- (1987) *Square jawed Josh Brolin is too straight laced to be taken seriously by skatepunks in the 80s L.A. skatescene. The leader of a gang of Lost Boys also wants Brolin to stay away from his out of town and just visiting, Idaho pretty tomato younger sister. It hits all the right notes for an 80s extreme sports fun adventure flick.* 2 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Fitting Punishment *A cheapskate ghetto mortician is willing to cut corners no matter the cost to human decency. He embalms using dirty tap water. He buys cheap coffins from China. He clips out the gold and silver teeth of the deceased. He even blames his orphaned nephew for being a financial burden and cripples him, then sells his Air Jordans to pay medical expenses. When that's not enough, he murders him and saws him a foot shorter above the ankles so that he can stuff the boy into a cheap coffin for Chinamen.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Film At Eleven *Llama stolen from the zoo and almost used in a slumland apartment voodoo ceremony. Cops style film crew documenting the precinct. Herman Dracula, alledged wannabe vampire. It's funny until he commits suicide in his private cell. Ballistics confirms that they've found the handgun used in the near fatal shooting of officers Renko & Hill. Relief comes with uncertainty. It's raining in the police station, the roof is leaking and everyone is getting the flu because of it. This show can't help but end on a melancholy note due to all the lingering emotions. Rollercoaster, as usual.* 3 stars

Tru Tv- --South Beach Tow-- --Bernice's Top 20-- *"Best of" countdown of fake reality show beatdowns by an angry black woman?* 1 star

Botched: Vagina Bomb! *The same network (E!) that encourages viewers to idolize trainwreck celebrities and their fake bodies, also exploits sick individuals who've butchered their own bodies in order to achieve that phony Hollywood dream. Of course this show is under the guise of "fixing" plastic surgery mistakes, but the client/patient usually receives even more body enhancements and still looks like a nightmare.* either zero stars or 2 stars

True Detective: The Long Bright Dark *Heathen homicide in a hick shit-haven where if one doesn't parrot the standard beliefs of others, and oddly speaks in a stream of consciousness like Cormac McCarthy, then one's peers tilt their heads and cock their ears like a confused dog in misunderstanding and disbelief.* 3 stars

---- New Year's Movie Marathon ---------------------------------

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Time Runner (1992) *Spoilers, for The Force Awakens, ahead. Be Warned. Years after Return of the Jedi, Luke is having a midlife crisis and skynet is using star destroyers to blow up Los Angeles. So he travels back in time to the Washington Canadian border getting in ugly rental car chases with human looking alien Rae Dawn Chong and gunning down well armed baddies, along side the goofy deputy from Twin Peaks, & watching  their hilarious death throes. All while making sure Senator Palpatine can't prevent Seth Rogen and James Franco from nuking North Korea thirty years in the future. Make sense?* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: 12 To The Moon                      ---plus---                       "Dream to Design" -short- *The woman of the future visits the satellite of love and turns the robots crow and tom servo into kitschy househould appliances. meanwhile, the united nations of nasa proves earth's worthiness to the lunar neighbors.*                     2 1/2 stars with riffing and between 1 1/2 and 2 stars without

Terry Gilliam's "Brazil" *A depressed Da Vinci with his wings clipped by the dulled scissors that society can no longer cut all the red tape with.* 3 stars

Fritz Lang's "Metropolis" *In my life of relative ease, I watch this movie on my cheap consumer electronics provided for me by workers in horrible third world conditions.*           3 stars

"Starry Eyes" (2014) *Ambition. Attrition. Ascension. All the way from Hooters Girl who can't get taken seriously at low-grade movie auditions to transforming into a Hollywood harlot comes at the price of one's soul taken by the Satanists who run the movie industry and helped sanctified with blood and betraying those closest also climbing the ladder.* close to 3 stars

"Messiah of Evil" (1973) *What if, after Thanksgiving, America honored the Donner Party Massacre by having Black Friday be masses of mad people tearing into raw red meat at supermarkets? This flick is like the eerie calm before an apocalypse. Too weird, almost, to describe, and if one tried to, a bug would appear on their tongue and they would cough up insects and lizards.* 3 stars

"Strange Days" (1995) *"Memories were meant to be forgotten. They were designed that way." Let old acquaintance as well. 20 year old predictions about the new century, by James Cameron, are still pretty relevant. Questions about the abuse of police force. Urban upheaval and riots. Voyeurism being a social media (though it's not as seedy as it's imagined in this movie).Things James Cameron got a little off are plenty too. Musicians stopped being, for the most part, political messengers. Trainwreck skank rock queens like Courtney Love aren't nearly as talented as James thinks or as worth going through hell over, but they're still a huge part of the media's obsession. Found footage and virtual reality may just be entertainment fantasy, but the themes in this movie are played out daily on actual viral videos.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Max Headroom: Academy *What if corporations had their own legal systems? What if a death penalty trial was turned into a tv game show? Viewers of the HLN network sort of get to experience this. What if criminal profiles were assigned to innocent people who fit a certain stereotype? Wait a minute....* 3 stars

Joe R. Lansdale's "Cold In July" (2014) *A considerate and well adjusted family man has to stand his ground, on shaky legs, but isn't in the overzealous camp of his hometown neighbors who wanna pat him on the back for it. He never feels right about the incident and his remorse pulls him into a world of Dixie mafia killings, Texas Mexico border crime, and a friendship with a flamboyant and dogged private detective and the deeply burdened man who mistakenly stalked the family man's family when he was wrongly convinced the family man slayed his son in the stand your ground incident. In a bizarre twist, the three men come together to help the deeply burdened man solve his burden of putting down his wayward son who's making snuff films with hookers. It reminds me a lot of William Devane's "Rolling Thunder," another revenge flick with a lot of bitter sorrow and dark themes.*      3 stars

The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community Tv- --The Comedy Network-- (1998) *Tom is an absurdist comedian who can sometimes be traditionally clever in his humor. He drinks purple koolaid with a cult who worship an alien version of Jesus Christ's brother, he ruins an Elvis impersonator street performance and almost gets his ass kicked for it, and he continues to try to prove he's the biggest idiot in the room.* close to 2 1/2 stars

The Prisoner: The Schizoid Man *The Village have number 6 convinced he's twice the man he was using an uncanny double.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: season 3 episode 7 *"People work together when it suits them, they're loyal when it suits 'em, they love when it suits 'em, and they kill when it suits them."* 3 stars

"Under the Skin" (2013) *Scarlet Joe Handsome is an enticing alien, in a black wig and brightly painted lips, driving around Scotland, in a pedo van, indifferently observing all the quiet, everyday human suffering and luring horny, confused men back to her abandoned building / nest / spaceship(?) --where they step sinking into a surreal black pool of liquid.* either 1/2 a star or 2 stars

American Horror Story- -Coven -The Replacements *Sober Santeria. What other show is going to have a pothead, white trash mom molest her patchwork monster, back from the morgue, college boy son? or let a juicy and morbidly obese black virgin finger herself in front of a minotaur? not many spring to mind.* 3 stars

Gargoyles: The Edge *Zanatos uses the steel clan and a Tony Stark type tech gargoyle suit to frame the real gargoyles for the museum heist of 'the eye of Odin,' in order to have the cops chasing them all around town and scare them into coming back under the wings of his 'protection,' which would have the gargoyles inprisoned in a research lab.* 3 stars

Rifftrax - Total Riff Off - Man vs. Monster *"Meeting the channel's factual quota, we now return to the bullshit." Rifftrax skewers another one of those pretentious explorer douchebags, from National Geographic Wild,  that are always trying to turn a simple creature of nature into a tall tale monster.* 3 stars with riffing 1 star without

Son of the Beach: With Sex You Get Eggroll *satire of sex slaves and sex jokes, both smartly done.* 3 stars

Carman -Yo Kidz! -The Vidz *Gnarly Jesus dudes, hip musical kids, and cumbersome cat costumes.* 1 star

Morton Downey Jr.: Cults *A man who once had a cult-like tv audience examines mind control organizations and self-help pseudo-religions.* close to 3 stars

Mel Brooks in "High Anxiety" *Side-splitting neuroses.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Korman's Kalamity *A cartoonist's monstrous creations come to life after years of nagging from an abusive spouse and his recent forced use of an experiment male potency medication.*  2 1/2 stars

"Al-TV" -April Fools Day 1984 *"I could just watch videos all day until my brain turned to mush. Couldn't you?" Weird Al takes over MTV from its bland video disc jockeys and turns the channel into the absurdity it should be.* 3 stars

"Traxx" (1998) *"Be good, be gone, or be dead." Shadoe Stevens is one tough cookie as he parodies every 80s action hero vigilante and western cowboy cliche come to clean up a Troma version of a Texas town in one of the weirdest, left field comedies ever.* 3 stars

Hippies: Protesting Hippies *Simon Pegg tries to spark a Y2K revival of the comedic rebelliousness of The Young Ones with a Britcom That 60s Show.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Northern Exposure: Pilot Episode *A "Jew, New York doctor" finds unspoiled land, wildlife, hell... even people (patients) "just waiting to be fondled" in middle-of-nowhere, Alaska.* 3 stars

X Files: Space *Otherworldy phantom sabotaging shuttle missions. A study on how stifled and subdued the space program has become.* 2 1/2 stars

"Freaks, Nerds, and Weirdos" -MTV (1994) *MTV NEWS looks at Generation X's social outcasts like nerdy hipster college kids, quirky celebrities, and alternative musicians and they talk about their struggles with being different from "the norm." Ironically, the show is framed with commercials featuring beautiful skin care and fashion model young people bragging about how great it is to be one of the in group of the beautiful ones.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Myth of the American Sleepover" (2010) *The last bittersweet days of Summer and the pre-conceived notion of sublimity for a group of suburban teenagers. Indie movies about the adolescent rite of passage to adulthood aren't as fun as exploitation flicks about the same thing, but the delicate and thoughtful manner in which the subject matter is approached allows for more personal reflection for the viewer.* close to 3 stars

Turner Classic Movies: Beneath the Planet of the Apes *Twice as bleak of an ending as the first.* 3 stars

--- "Bates Motel" (1987)

*After spending his youth in the looney bin with Norman Bates as his father figure, Bud Court (Harold & Maude), and a great casting choice, inherits the Bates Motel from the deceased Norman whom he carries around in an urn afterwards.

With the help of a spunky squatter (Lori Petty) and a Morgan Freeman esque handyman, he reopens the falling apart eyesore and deals with the rumors of the place being haunted and the fast moving yuppies of the 80s who wanna exploit the property to keep with the changing and advancing landscape of the times.

Tonally a weird mixture of maudlin and mockingly humorous. Whoda thunk they could take a legacy of a Hitchcock suspense thriller and throw in one those feel good fixing up the place montages, a Happy Days 1950s teen ghosts dance party with a dreamlover angel Jason Bateman, and Scooby Doo villain plot twist?*

either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------------------

"An Evening With Bobcat Goldthwait, Share The Warmth" (1987) *Bobcat chugs two six-packs of TAB and then proceeds to frighten uncomfortable laughter out of a group of yuppies in a nightclub.* 2 1/2 stars

"Beyond Vaudeville" (1986-90s) *Best of a weird NYC public access variety show with guests and acts like Grandpa Munster, Tiny Tim, "the Edith Bunker of massage," climbing Harpo's ladder with Wavy Gravy, Burt Reynold's fantasy Turkish woman (possible delusional stalker), Greg Brady, the arm and the giant from Twin Peaks, the theme from the Flying Nun on spoons, Rock Around the Clock in Yiddish, an Underdog / Dracula enthusiast / interpretive dancer, and many other pathetic bizarre folk. Sammy Davis who?* 3 stars

Morton Downey Jr.: Central Park Squatters *A heated shouting match between freaks and fascists over the issue of gentrification.* 3 stars

"Scoundrels" (1982) a Cecil Howard adult film *"Life's too fucking short." Ron Jeremy is the long dick, long suffering dad, just like Kevin Spacey, in a sexually frustrated slice of American Pie.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -Murder House- "Rubber Man" *"What is it about being dead that makes me so horny?" Hysterical lady troubles.* close to 3 stars

"The Guest" (2014) *A psychotic super-soldier gone awol and come to roost with the troubled family of a fallen comrade. Pulses like an homage to 80s action movies in the vein of John Carpenter.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Justified: season 1 episode 1 *Bluegrass Helter Skelter.* 3 stars

Chrisley Knows Best: The Great Outdoors *Chrisley reluctantly takes his sons camping at the lake, while wishing he were more like his hero Oprah and scaring his 8 year old with the legend of Jason Vorhees.* 2 stars

Comic Book Men: Ghostbusting at the Stash *Sitting around ye ole podcast table and sharing spooky stories about things like the Jersey Devil.* 1 star

"The White Buffalo" (1977) *Charging out of Hell and into Heaven were men like Wild Bill, Crazy Horse, and Charles Bronson.* 3 stars

Kung Fu, the series: Dark Angel *Words lost, eyes blinded, and riches not found, but, at the same time, roots replanted, senses regained, and faith restored.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Invasion U.S.A. (feature) & A Date with the Family (short) *Rigid dinners with loved ones, or heavy drinking with a group of barflies, is a great opportunity to discuss how every American should do more in their part to combat the Red Menace.* 3 stars with riffing 1 star without

"My Mom's A Werewolf" (1988) *An underappreciated housewife goes to the pet store to get a flea collar for the family dog, and winds up having the mom jeans charmed off of her, and replaced with fur, by a hair-piece wearing lycanthrope (John Saxon).*                2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Black Tickets ------------------

*A young Brad Pitt runs over himself running into himself running away from his problems.* 2 stars

*Having a baby is hellish, even if Brad Pitt is the daddy.*                           between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

---------------------------------------------------

USA Up All Night -with host Rhonda Shear -Valentine's Special -----------------

*Lovers Lovers (feature movie): Neurotic & horny 30 something year old professionals in the city of Angels. It's like a softcore version of Seinfeld.*          2 stars

*Starburst California Raisins style commercial where the Starburst candies get taken to the bad side of town called Twisted Town.* 2 1/2 stars

*The Girls of Paradise (phone sex commercial): 3 stars

*Rhonda hangs out in the honeymoon suite with a amorous bell boy who has chest hairs a plenty.* 3 stars

*Twix commercial parodies the plane crash movie "Alive" in a funny scenario where one guy tricks the other into thinking they're being rescued so that he can have both Twix candy bars to himself.* 3 stars

*Rhonda tries to get a honeymooning and arguing couple's bride out of her hotel room bathroom.* 2 1/2 stars

*Free brochure for TV Parental Ratings guidelines* 3 stars

*"Mel" (taking his name from a PayDay caramel candy bar wrapper) calls up a phone sex hotline to talk to the horny chick about covering her in peanuts and creamy caramel in a funny PayDay commercial.* 3 stars

*"Every day people like me and you are proving why the 'Psychic Solution' is so popular." Obvious payed employees of this phone scam network give false testimonials about their amazing experiences talking to phone psychics.*    either zero or 3 stars

*"Imagine being forced to make love. Now, imagine thousands will die if you dont. Will she? Won't she? Or will she just kick some ass?!" La Femme Nikita preview for an upcoming 1997 episode. Haha.* 3 stars

*Rhonda coaches sweet talk to a dumb husband who gets all her amorous advice lines all wrong.* 3 stars

------------------------------------------------------------------

Weird Science: Magnifico Dad *Mom gets her birthday wish for dad to turn into male supermodel hunk Fabio.* 3 stars

Son of the Beach: Silence of the Clams *"The beach is meant for solitude, not senseless orgying. Cancel Spring Break or else."* 3 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Fortress of Fear *A many eyed wizard wants Ariel as his bride.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Silent Screams *"Eye of the hurricane, listen to yourself turn. World serves its own needs, Dummy, serve your own needs." Arcane is selling eco-terrorism to the highest bidder. First in line to be served, shadowy agents of the U.S. government, and they're willing to sacrifice a small, swamp town to test the effectiveness.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Jonny Quest: The Invisible Monster *Turn off the life light, don't let it shine or else be taken in by the hungering Pac-Man esque ghost of an animated mass of energy. Look out, because it's a one-eyed, giant, purple, people-eater.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Super Specs *Do "They Live" or is it just an April Fool's Day trick of the mind thanks to a phony trick gifts shop's surprisingly effective super specs glasses?*             close to 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Shadow Boxer *A bum fighter uses cursed gloves to separate his dark side from his body and sends the shadow out to stick it to his opponents.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 episode 18 *Penn State freshman lions turn themselves into fraidy cats with the passing around of campus legends and the playing of an ancient Japanese ghost story game called '100 Candles.'* 2 stars

Penny Dreadful: season 1 episode 1 *For a moment, I thought Frankenstein and his monster were going to passionately kiss on the mouth. It was weird.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: season 1 episode 6 *"He eats disease. He likes to be scratched behind the ears. He's horrible, beautiful." 3 stars

The Outer Limits: If These Walls Could Talk *CGI Ryan Reynolds. He's not Green Lantern. He's possibly a 'Casper' or at the very least a molecular anomaly. His mom can't let go of the mystery around his disappearance and his frequenting of a so-called haunted house. She's a paranormal believer. She swears she hears him crying out in the haunted house. She befriends a pyschic phenomena debunker. They get drunk, share their hearbreak over the afterlife or lack thereof. They stir up spirits or at least a cold case crime scene. They  learn about the mystery behind a previous owner who was a reclusive scientist and find his hidden room complete with strange meteor. It ends with them covered in ectoplasmic goo.* 2 1/2 stars

"Father Guido Sarducci Goes to College" (1985) *Vatican City versus Disneyland.* 2 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Mute Witness to Murder *Some enchanted evening, you may meet a stranger. And some enchanted evening, you may witness a brutal murder. That enchanted evening may damage the psyche.* 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: Double Dare *Necessity is the mother of virtue. A business professional lady needs the thrill of an erotic game of show and tell via fax machine dirty messages and flashes of bare flesh across facing office building windows with a sexy stranger, but she can't take it to the next step and cheat on her husband in person.* 2 1/2 stars

"Computer Beach Party" *Weirdly played, and ridiculously overdubbed, dorky sex comedy that maybe comes close to deserving cult status.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Total Riff Off: Animals Behaving Badly *Horny deer. Smoking ape. Rascally raccoon. Pooping cheetah. Shoe humping tortoise. Horny dolphin. Indian woman breastfeeding a calf. Chicago city coyote. rat infanticide, and the classic panda attacking jacket guy.* 3 stars with riffing between 2 and 2 1/2 stars without

"RoadRacers" (1994) a Robert Rodriguez film *David Arquette as a scumbag greaser, James Dean wannabe with Salma Hayek as his main squeeze. Sounds unconvincing, but somehow they pull it off. Also, great tunes from the era of rockabilly, decent villains like the town asshole cop William Sadler, and Deadwood's Saul Starr as the sci fi and sinful thrills obsessed sidekick.*  2 1/2 stars

Richard Linklater's "Boyhood" (2014) *Maybe the best ever use of scripted reality in dramatic entertainment. Following two siblings for over a decade as we watch them grow and deal with their movie parents a psychology student-into-teacher mother (Patricia Arquette) and their sometimes deadbeat other times often extremely caring and liberal-slacker poet papa (Ethan Hawke), along with step siblings, abusive drunk stepfathers, plus all the growing pains and life steps that happen along the way to young adulthood.* 3 stars (for achievement in the portayal of life) or zero stars (for every character being so unlikeable)

--Starz-- --The Missing: episode 1 *A wrenching, quiet, and moody look at the frantic hours around parents dealing with the disappearance of a child and how the effects of that trauma are still haunting them, and others involved with the memory, years later.*         3 stars

American Gothic: Damned If You Don't *Dang ole' tornado of the soul.* 3 stars

"Din of Celestial Birds" (2006) *inherent iniquities* 2 1/2 stars

True Detective: Seeing Things *Pussy, fantasy, illusion, delusion, hallucination, justification, nightmare, and revelation.* 3 stars

X Files: Fallen Angel *Toxic cover up and lies with an official seal.* 2 1/2 stars

"Night Dreams" (1981) xxx *Bound by wild desire, Dorothy LeMay fell into a ring of fire.* 3 stars

--- MTV's True Life: I'm Preparing for the End of the World

*An obese, and (from how he's presented on this docu show) low i.q. suffering, young  father moves his pregnant wife, two young boys, and yummy pet rabbits & chickens to an isolated farm in the mountains.

There he rambles about doomsday scenarios and his family assists in setting up booby traps that are more dangerous to themselves than anyone else.

My advice is to lay off the extra bunny, at dinner, and to not homeschool the kids about the proper way to filter goat piss into a drinkable water alternative, but instead to exercise as a family and to get out in society and work towards not ending up with an apocalypse.

Next, we have two priviledged college twins who are so quirky and idiotic that they jokingly form a two person cult where they bother college campus students and the city's homeless population with their pretend rhetoric.

Low point being when they claim to be getting prepared to raise their consciousness beyond the normal soulless zombie, just before tossing a twenty dollar bill into the air for a group of hungry homeless and junkies to wrestle over.*

1 star

-----------------------------------------------------------

Morton Downey Jr.: Feminism *Mort and feminist lawyer Gloria Allred go toe to toe and almost mouth to mouth with the sexual tension between them (just kidding).* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Television Terror *A t.v. station scores big ratings, when Morton Downey Jr. is murdered, live on the air, while investigating a haunted house.* 3 stars

"Too Young To Die?" (1990) *A trailer trash teen runaway (Juliette Lewis) gets the death penalty for the murder of her soldier guy former lover, thanks to her hick pimp/pusher (Brad Pitt).*  2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -Asylum- "The Coat Hanger" *Forgiving trespasses. Ian McShane almost seems too good for any show after his iconic role in Deadwood, but he finds one here as a blackly humorous and blasphemous sinner/killer in a setting that keeps getting more depraved and strange. Bucket of KFC chicken and skinning victims alive killer mixed piece joke. Priest drowning at a baptism. Priest crucifiction. The dirty history of pre legalized abortions. Cruel head nun gets on the other end of looney torture. A Nazi butcher / mad scientist seeking aliens because he appreciates their eugenic techniques and getting sent his own Mary with a possible alien seed in her belly.* 3 stars

Hannibal: Amuse-Bouche *"It takes one to know one." A human fungus wants understanding.* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: Friends for Dinner *"Another domestic dilemma." Bob and Margaret continue to define themselves different from their rude peers, while still retaining a flawed quality that makes them so relatable to the average person.* close to 3 stars

15 Storeys High: The Model *"If she learns to swim, next thing she'll want to learn to drive." A nutter doesn't want his nude centerfold wife to take swimming lessons. Olives on pizza distaste, and a compulsion to pull any wallpaper off the wall -weirdness. Also, the swimming lessons oath includes everyone but practioners of karate and the pop star Sting.* 3 stars

Hippies: Hairy Hippies *The animals of Aquarius are gonna tear your prick off.* 3 stars

Farscape: Durka Returns *"The difference between a knife attack and life saving surgery." The outer space adjustment bureau can turn anyone they want into an attitude corrected slave.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Deities *When it comes to matters of the spirit, people often forget what it means being human.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Captured Souls *Sometime in the early 90s, the Obamas and their daughter nearly had the life sucked out of them by a mirror-spy-tech mad-science-geezer posing as an ole timey tween boy with a ridiculous hairstyle that was almost as bad as Obama's soul glow mullet of the time.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

American Horror Story --Coven-- "Fearful Pranks Ensue" *supreme sacrifice* close to 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: You Have The Right To Remain Silent *A lady cop kidnaps and forces herself on a strong willed guy who won't show her any attention at the gym. I would have laughed if it were a case of her not having any gay-dar.* close to 2 1/2 stars and 1 1/2 a stars for the safe sex sales pitch

Hill Street Blues: Choice Cut *supermarket standoff with a side of beef.* 2 1/2 stars

Fargo: The Rooster Prince *"Savagery, pure and simple."* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow "Orphans" *The most sympathetic character on the show, Pepper, has a continuation of maybe the most tragic character arc of any character in all of American Horror Story, with a cameo from a character from Asylum.* close to 3 stars

MTV's "Eye Candy" extended peak *Disney channel(?) teen pop idol and now hacker (rolls eyes) in a serial killer stalker show with MTV style "edgy" (crap) aesthetics. The psycho stuffing smartphones in the mouths of victims is unintentionally ludicrous and laughable.* 1 1/2 stars

"Living With Michael Jackson" *"We would wake at dawn and go up in the hot air balloon. I have the footage. It's all very charming and innocent. That's ignorant. Who's the Jack the Ripper in the Room?" Was it exploitive journalist Martin Bashir or delusional Peter Pan wannabe Jacko?* either 3 stars or zero stars

Prime Time Thursday -ABC- Martin Bashir on his Michael Jackson documentary (2003?) *ABC gets a few more nasty kicks in to the wounded weirdo.* 2 stars

The Michael Jackson Interview, The Footage You Were Never Meant To See *--FOX--* (2003)

*"Becareful what you do, because the lie becomes the truth."

Maury Povich pauses from hosting & revealing ghetto / white trash paternity tests to take an investigative behind the scenes footage look at the Martin Bashir documentary on MJ.

An almost propaganda piece trying to repair Jackson's image and justify his strange behavior, but it does shine a light on the deceitful approach of Bashir's manipulative tactics in getting close to Jackson via gaining his trust with comments approving of Michael's generosity and attitudes towards children and Michael's personal life in other ways, and then turning  around and only showing the most sensational things in his "Living With Michael Jackson" documentary.*

2 1/2 stars

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The Greatest American Hero: pilot episode "UFO Encounter" *The teachers of troubled teens, those are the real heroes. This show has great music, and I don't just mean the cheesy wonderful theme song.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: I Accuse My Parents (feature) & The Truck Farmer (short) *Cultivate, refrigerate, exaggerate, denigrate.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Son of the Beach: In The G-Hetto *"Read my lips, I'm going down there and I'm going to lick your posse, and I'm going to enjoy it."* 2 1/2 stars

Black Sails: season 1 episode 1 *Blackbeard's snatch. Captain Flint's fluoride smile. Long John Silver's sexy good looks. I doubt these third world bandits were really this stylized.*               2 1/2 stars

Fred Olen Ray's "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" (1988) *Heaven for guys who like big tits and Hell for guys who don't like to be chopped into little bits.* 3 stars

Hollywood Hillbillies: Headin' For Hollywood *Another internet infamous sensation extends he and his grandmother's 15 minutes of fame by acting as crass and crazy as possible for the reality tv cameras.* 1 star

TLC presents My Husband's Not Gay *These Latter Day Saint women believe that they have it made, because, with another woman, their husband would never stray. I wonder if the LGBT community would stand up for the rights of the "same sex attracted" who don't act on it for religious reasons, or if... ha... of coure not.* either zero                   or 2 1/2 stars

"Monster" (2003) *A look at someone, on the fringes of life, whose feral impulses sadly couldn't be justified even though she endured a life of inhuman treatment.* 3 stars

Viper: Pilot Movie *Not just a tv show promoting a crime fighting futuristic Dodge motor company concept car, maybe also a question of whether giving career criminals a clean slate of memory is violating their civil rights or not.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

"Midnight Plowboy" xxx (1971) *Welcome To The Jungle as performed by Going To The Country's Canned Heat.* 2 stars

Woops!: pilot episode (1992) *99.999999% of the world's population has died in a fiery hot flash, but a few quirky yuppies survive to yuck it up on a small farm. Cue the laugh track.*        2 stars

X Files: Eve *bloodthirsty replicas* 3 stars

"Nomads" (1986) *Searching too deep beneath the surface of reality, a cultural archaeologist starts being stalked by a skid row spirit-tribe.* close to 3 stars

Manimal: Manimal *Transmutation is not for the faint or feint of heart.* 2 1/2 stars

---- "Tusk" a Kevin Smith film (2014)

*20th century man spent his time doing amazing things, and had tales to tell later.

21st century man spends most of his time talking about ridiculous things.

This time 21st century man accomplishes one of those ridiculous things.

How to go about summing up something like this...

3 stars for the crazy screenplay.

3 stars for the incredible walrus special fx by Robert Kurtzman.

3 stars for Michael Parks' truly demented serial killer / world's most interesting man character.

2 stars for Haley Joel Osment's nerdy twenty something podcast comedy partner.

almost 2 1/2 stars for Justin Long's obnoxious and self absorbed hipster mustached podcast comedian.

3 stars for Justin Long's suffering through hell tortured and experimented on in the most gruesome way possible walrus-man.

1 1/2 stars for all the podcast nonsense.

either zero stars or 3 stars for Johnny Depp's Mike Myers esque eccentric inspector character.

and to finish out the whole whacked out affair, either 1 star or 3 stars for the absurd ending.*

===================================================================

Wizards and Warriors: The Unicorn of Death *Mind over matter. Also, lightning hawks, hawks that shoot lightning.* 3 stars

"Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood" *"One fish two fish red fish blue fish, knick knack paddywhack give a dog a bone, Two thousand zero zero party over oops out of time, my bacon's smelling fine." The Wayans, just off of In Living Color and a handful of blackspoitation movies, take on Boyz in the Hood & Friday with their brand of satire that hadn't quite soured just yet like it would with the Scary Movie series. Somewhat not bad, nowhere as good as say an episode of Chapelle Show, but almost on the level of something like Comedy Central's Key & Peele.* 2 stars                      plus 3 stars for Bernie Mac's cameo speech

Freddy's Nightmares: School Daze ----------

*No more homework, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks. Just robotic students.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Standard Achievement Torture.* 2 1/2 stars

-------------------------------------

"Ben and Arthur" (2002) *I'm sure that everyone involved with this shot-on-video "movie" had their big, gay hearts in the right place, but the results are so oddly misguided that it cursed the gay rights movement and set queer equality back at least a decade.* 1 star

Tales From The Crypt: My Brother's Keeper *Two guys attached at the ass-cheek, now that's freaks. And it's definitely a wild half of the siamese situation if Timothy Stack is the straight laced one.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Cannon Video: Fifty Fifty (1993) *A couple of "in it for the money" mercenaries find a change of heart and purpose, when they're sold out by the U.S. government after initially being hired to train a  ragtag group of villagers to overthrow a cruel dictator.*                 close to 3 stars

Jonny Quest: Double Danger *monkeying around with hallucinagens* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000:  Operation Double 007 *"Terrorists were a lot more fun back then." Thankfully, Sean Connery's brother, Neil, also didn't try to rip off Highlander 2 or Zardoz.* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 stars without

The Prisoner: The General *Blind memorization is a learn-ed way for a slave to show its appreciation to its masters.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: season 1 episode 19 *"Balancing faith and science" as the lead investigator questions whether or not he should debunk a crazy lady's haunting experiences.*                           between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: Walk A Mile In My Shoots *Arcane and Swamp Thing trade places.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

American Horror Story: Coven "Burn, Witch, Burn" *Ask me no questions and I'll tell thee no lie. Mama's little baby love shortenin'. Fry fry fry. Febreeze will get the odors out of any room where dead things lie.*   3 stars

American Gothic: Dead to the World *Denial ain't just a river in Bum-Fuck, Egypt.* close to 3 stars

Justified: season 1 episode 2 *Rhythm, romancin', runnin', and rippin' up the floorboards.* 3 stars

"The Census Taker" (1984) *"An outrageous invasion of privacy."* 3 stars

Hannibal: Potage *Manipulation in Maryland, Minnesota, and the media.* 3 stars

X Files: Fire *amorous arsonist* 2 1/2 stars

12 Monkeys: Pilot episode *Hourglasses of the hydra.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Thirteenth Floor" (1999) *"Hate to see that evening sun go down." Digital virtual deja-vu.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Birthright *Senator Al Gore is all about shooting up with supplements and saving the environment by saturating it with methane for his alien race to take over and inhabit.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Northern Exposure: Brains, Know How and Native Intelligence *singing the body electric and fixing the plumbing.* 3 stars

Son of the Beach: Love, Native American Style *firebush and big hose* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Island of the Body Snatchers *Ariel almost loses her mind and her body in the mystery zone.* 3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Twisted Claw *Wish in one hand, let a vulture shit in the other.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Eegah! *RRRR! Richard Kiel is really big and really lonely and he wants to rape a gal named Roxy. It's like King Kong set in a resort desert town where a Ricky Nelson reject is constantly rocking out.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Weird Science: The Feminine Mistake *The guys get turned into chicks and experience what the other sex has to go through with horny guys like themselves.* 3 stars

Jack London's "Call of the Wild" starring Charlton Heston & featuring "Buck" the dog *Buck worth more than all the gold in the Klondike.* 3 stars

"Ax Giant" *"All strut and no gut." Paul Bunyan puts a cgi sawblade through Grizzly Adams' bear-sized head for eating his blue ox named Babe.* 2 stars

MLK Day Tribute ---------------

Morton Downey Jr.: Racism with Dr. Charles King (2 appearances on the show) *One of the last ballsy, crazy, and passionately confused conversations about race conducted by the media before political correctness closed the door.* either zero or 3 stars

---------------------------------------------

Abel Ferarra's "King of New York" (1990) *Max Shreck, magnanimous and soulful.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

X Files: Beyond the Sea *Serial killer -Brad Dourif- claims to channel the beyond and a grieving Scully's recently deceased dad. but is he just a coward staying execution?* 3 stars

Lucio Fulci's "The New York Ripper" *quacking misogyny* 3 stars

Red Shoe Diaries: Talk To Me Baby *"You gonna believe your eyes or are you gonna believe me?" Shared feelings and Samson-haired Bud "tries" to be less of a horndog for other women, but he's only a man afterall and after a night at the bar watching a wet t-shirt contest. If his hot foreign accent nympho girlfriend don't forgive him and talk, he's gonna flip his muscle car and go out Romeo style with her in the passenger seat.* 3 stars

William Friedkin's "Cruising" (1980) *assault, alarm, assuage, acclimate, assplay, and arrest* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Girl In Lovers Lane *Drifters and the females who foolishly fawn over them. A Route 66 romantic tragedy.* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 without

American Horror Story: Murder House "Spooky Little Girl" *The apparition of the Black Dahlia is misdiagnosed with acute anxiety.* 3 stars

Nic Cage is "Left Behind" (2014) *Bono raptured. U2 concert postponed.* either 1 star or 2 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Cabin Fever -----------

*Fly the Freddy skies.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

*Freddy finds his Laura Palmer.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

-----------------------------------------

True Detective: The Locked Room *Scarred snowflakes* 3 stars

"Night Warning" (1983) *"Fuckin' deviants, the world is full of 'em." Hoop dreams, ''homophobia'', and a hilariously insane Susan Tyrrell.* 3 stars

Svengoolie: House of Horrors *Creepin' on art critics.* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: The Secret *Blue hued and sweet toothed tale of a wolf boy adopted by vampires.* 3 stars

Charles Bronson in "Cold Sweat" *A History of Violence in a French fishing village with American muscle car action.* close to 3 stars

Viper: Once A Thief *Viper-Man takes a suped-up stroll down memory lane with his delinquent former protege, Robin.* 2 1/2 stars

Son of the Beach: Two Thongs Don't Make A Right *The Devil's butt floss and daddy's B.J.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Betsy Russell is a "Tomboy" *Battle of the sexes in a light-hearted, cheesy reality that's not afraid to get raunchy.* 3 stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow "Magical Thinking" *Weak men and strong women.* close to 3 stars

Paranormal Witness: The Visitors *It's either one of two scenarios for this episode: A) A door to door salesman is duped into believing he's cursed with demons and uses his scientific background, and connections, to explain it. or B) A bored, middle-aged former scientist, and his tech buddies, try to establish a hoax with alledged proof of the paranormal.* 2 stars

The Greatest American Hero: The Hit Car *Heavier than air, heavy like Shakespeare.* 3 stars

"Killdozer" (1974) *Grizzled workmen in an isolated setting sci-fi horror that's similar to and yet almost a decade ahead of John Carpenter's "The Thing."*                          between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Black Sails: Season 1 Episode 2 *Cooking up a kingdom, of reprieve, through barter and betrayal.*            between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Dolph Lundgren in "Dark Angel" aka "I Come In Peace" (1990) *Phantasm's The Tall Man the cyberpunk / heavymetal years, now available on projectile compact-disc, just in time for a White-boy's Christmas.* 2 1/2 stars

Tim & Eric -Bedtime Stories: The Endorsement *Subversive swipe at Sunset BLVD* 3 stars

Puppy-Bowl: Unnecessary Roughness *Puppies wrestling at the "50 yard line" and hamsters overhead in a tiny blimp. This is okay with PETA, yet I can no longer go to my cockfights on Friday nights.* either 1 star or 2 1/2 stars

Kung Fu: Blood Brother *Dignity should not remain surrendered or buried in the mire.* 3 stars

Shaw Brothers: Roar of the Lion *(Traditional Chinese costumes) Lion versus dragon in a kung-fu dance off ceremony that's also comedy gold in a stunt filled comedy filled flick.* 3 stars

Manimal: Illusion *Manimal predicted the Siegfried & Roy tragedy, and Richard Lynch plays a diplomatic immunity villain before Lethal Weapon does the same.*           between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

King of the Hill: It Ain't Over Till The Fat Neighbor Sings *"What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again." In Hank's reality, he loses it when he can't micro-manage any poor decision making that's always hilariously exaggerated.* 3 stars

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Group Dates *Dennis comes unhinged when women rate him, online, as a zero. Frank can't keep Mac & Charlie from offending their blind dates, and he can't keep his cockring from slipping off. Dee's plan to stick it to men by giving them one night stands winds up backfiring.* 3 stars

Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: Season 1 Episode 7 *Black noises, thirsting voices striking, impeaching.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

15 Storeys High: Blue Rat *All of the energy, none of the fuss, plus a pony.* 3 stars

Paranormal State: Season 1 Finale *A is for anxiety and or African American spirit girl humming to a sensitive, young medium girl.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

[badlydrawnstuff]

Fate Goes (and does some stuff i guess)

MmmmMMMMMM

Sheepy: Yan Qing: Hey, hey, Holmes~ What do you and grapefruit have in common? Sheepy: Holmes: ...That there's the misconception that we're sour, but we can both be sweet? Sheepy: Yan Qing: I'm gonna put a knife in both~! Ahahahahaha!

Arsé-kun: Mori: See, this type of behavior is why you're so difficult to factor for. Sheepy: Yan: But that's good! Sheepy: Yan: That way, I can confuse the enemy! Sheepy: Holmes: You confuse us, too... Sheepy: Yan: Ex-act-ly! Sheepy: Holmes: Are you saying we, two sides of one coin, are both your enemies? Sheepy: Yan: Ahahahahahahaha~ Sheepy: Holmes: Professor, you really should get a better minion. Arsé-kun: Mori: This isn't mine. I want no attachments to either part of this. Sheepy: Yan: Aaaaaaaawww! Sheepy: Yan: Old Man, you're breaking my heart! Arsé-kun: Mori: Do you have one of those? Sheepy: Yan: Well? Do you? Arsé-kun: Mori: You tell me. Sheepy: Yan: Will you? Sheepy: Yan: Will you have one? Sheepy: Yan: Depends on if you betray me! Arsé-kun: Mori: Go find somewhere else to blow off steam. Sheepy: Yan: Eh!? Sheepy: Yan: But we're friends! Aren't we? I wanna spend time with you! Sheepy: Yan: So lemme spend time with you! Sheepy: Holmes: What do you consider bonding? Sheepy: Yan: My morals are telling me "getting drunk together", buuuuuut my brain is telling me "mutual crime and friendly threats"! Oh, I mean them, of course, so don't worry about me lying. I am no liar! Arsé-kun: Mori: .... So what it is you mean to say is "Get off your butts, you old coots! Lets go commit larceny!", yes? Sheepy: Yan: Yes, especially that old part! Sheepy: Yan: You're, like, what, 40? Wowow! So old! Arsé-kun: Mori: You're older than we are! We should be calling you our drunk grandfather! Sheepy: Yan: Eeeeeeeeh!? Sheepy: Yan: Heyhey, I've only had one~! Sheepy: Yan: ...........What size, I won't divulge. Sheepy: Yan: I wouldn't be allowed to drive~ Sheepy: Yan: But yet, here I am, Sheepy: Yan: Driving you crazy! Arsé-kun: *This pun is Clown-Approved.* Sheepy: Holmes: Please leave. Sheepy: Yan: Old Man, Old Man, I'm being bullied by this slightly younger old man! Sheepy: Holmes: My joints work perfectly - almost as sharply as my mind, in fact. Arsé-kun: Mori: The "almost" is what gives me questions. Sheepy: Yan: One's mind works faster than their body in an ideal situation. Sheepy: Holmes: One's mind works faster than their body in an ideal situation. Arsé-kun: Mori: And you've got extensions, you arachnid. Sheepy: Holmes: And, of course, I don't want them. Arsé-kun: Mori: Then hand them over- I'll make more use of them than you ever will. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh really? Arsé-kun: Mori: Have you no creativity left in your skull? Think of how much you can do with extra limbs! Sheepy: Holmes: *His extra mechanical limbs are twitching absentmindedly with an accompanying soft mechanical whirring noise...* Oh, like what? Sheepy: Holmes: They are good as weapons but get in the way when I try to sleep. Arsé-kun: Mori: Whatever you so desire to do. Why would I simply tell you? Sheepy: Holmes: Because you clearly want me to do something more than I already am. Sheepy: Holmes: And the fact that you want them clearly shows that you don’t know how weirdly uncomfortable they feel. Sheepy: Holmes: Do you want to know how they feel? Arsé-kun: Mori: ... Actually, yes. Tell me in your own words. Sheepy: Holmes: You know when you've gotten a shot? How the needle feels, oh so briefly, in your arm? That slight bit of pressure that you feel lasts an eternity but lasts for less than a blink of an eye? Sheepy: Holmes: It's that, except it doesn't end. Arsé-kun: Mori: ... So it's essentially intravenous.. Sheepy: Holmes: I suppose so. Sheepy: Holmes: It's just present enough that I can't ignore it most of the time. Sheepy: Holmes: And with that knowledge, do you really want it? Arsé-kun: Mori: With that knowledge, I think I'll make my own. I don't want your druggy blood needles touching me. Arsé-kun: Mori: I'd like to examine it at a later date, but I can't promise I won't fiddle with it- Oh? You still desire entertainment from me? Sheepy: Holmes: I could literally die of boredom if I don't have anything of interest to think about. Arsé-kun: Mori: It's that simple?? Sheepy: Holmes: What's simple? Arsé-kun: Mori: I can simply refuse you entertainment until you die if I so desired. Sheepy: Holmes: As I said, I use them so I won't die of boredom. Sheepy: Yan: Oh, Old Man, why d’ya want him to die? Arsé-kun: Mori: Your reasoning is flawed. At what point did I say that? I would lose my entertainment as well. Sheepy: Yan: You pointed out that you could kill him at any time through boring him to death Arsé-kun: Mori: And you could stab yourself at any time. Having the ability to do something does not mean you will go through with it! Sheepy: Yan: Oh? Oh? Sheepy: Yan: Well, do you want me to? Sheepy: Yan: I’ll be like a really handsome grapefruit~ Sheepy: Yan: Eheheheheh~ Sheepy: Yan: You’re safe, though, because I like you! Orange you glad we’re friends? Sheepy: Holmes: Are you bored? Sheepy: Yan: Of course Sheepy: Yan: Old Man, let's do something fun! Arsé-kun: Mori: Define "fun" for this occasion. Sheepy: Yan: Hah? Sheepy: Yan: You know what's fun. Sheepy: Yan: Let's impersonate people to embarrass them! Arsé-kun: Mori: On such short notice? Sheepy: Yan: Huh? Arsé-kun: Mori: ... Wait, don't speak. I'm formulating a plan. Sheepy: Yan: *He makes a motion like he's zipping his mouth shut* Arsé-kun: Mori: We're going to need a large amount of fabric and a touch of magecraft. Except you, Yan. You can handle it fine. Sheepy: Yan: Eh? Me? Sheepy: Yan: I’m special! Aw, my ma always said I was special! She was the only one who ever did! Sheepy: Holmes: *He’s in his traditional thinking pose - his eyes closed and his hands in a pose similar to praying.* Arsé-kun: Mori: And now we wait. Sheepy: Holmes: I'm just wondering who you mean. Arsé-kun: Mori: Why would I suggest magecraft as a need rather than a nice addition? Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, so- Sheepy: Yan: It’s Lobo, right? Lobo! Arsé-kun: Mori: No, that would get us all killed. Sheepy: Yan: Oh! Oh! Sheepy: Yan: Me~! Arsé-kun: Mori: Wrong again. Sheepy: Yan: But to be as handsome as me, you gotta use magic. Arsé-kun: Mori: Hmm.. I doubt that. Sheepy: Yan: Ohoh, or as lucky! Arsé-kun: Mori: There's no such thing as luck. It's all statistics. Sheepy: Yan: ...... Sheepy: Yan: *He fake-sneezes into his arm* Sheepy: Yan: Ssssooooo~rrryyyy, I’m allergic to stupid comments! Sheepy: Yan: I’m just gonna act like I didn’t hear that! Lalala! Sing the stupid away! Arsé-kun: Mori: You understand whom I was referring to, right Holmes? Sheepy: Holmes: Yes. Arsé-kun: Mori: Then shall we get started? Arsé-kun: Mori: This one can catch up when he figures it out. Sheepy: Yan: Eeeeeeh! I got it! Sheepy: Yan: It’s the tiny gremlin! Now, don’t throw me out! Sheepy: Yan: I wanna join! Arsé-kun: Mori: Now when was it suggested you would be thrown out? And no, it is not the writer. Sheepy: Yan: ....Oh! I’ve got it! Sheepy: Yan: You wanna be Hessian! Well, I’ll decapitate you for free! Arsé-kun: Mori: Actually, while we are at it.. You gain the memory of the person you are copying, correct? There's something I want you, specifically, to do while we're at it. Sheepy: Yan: What? Arsé-kun: Mori: I'll tell you later. Sheepy: Yan: Ohhhkaaaayyy! Arsé-kun: *(Questionably) Evil plan, starto!* Sheepy: Yan: *He’s uncomfortably patting at where his head used to be...* Arsé-kun: Mori: What's it like? Sheepy: Yan: *He picks up the closest piece of paper and starts madly scribbling* Sheepy: Yan: “I have no sense of balance, everything feels unreal, and I can’t hear them anymore” Arsé-kun: Mori: That last one is an improvement. Sit down, too. *he pats the next seat over* Sheepy: Yan: *He clumsily sits down next to Mori* Arsé-kun: Mori: *he returns to focusing on Rider's coat imitation- Sherlock can do his OWN, dammit.* While you wait for us, see if you can find any worthwhile information. A name to attach that isn't "Soldier" would be fantastic. Sheepy: Yan: ..... Arsé-kun: *Moriarty earns his well-deserved silence. For once. Finally. It will last about five minutes. Maybe. That's Probably all he needs.* Sheepy: *Holmes is focused on his costume, meanwhile.* Arsé-kun: *It's so quiet, Mozart could probably hear them sewing. Probably.* Arsé-kun: *and then the door creaks as it slooooowly opens. Nobody is there! Spooky!* Sheepy: Holmes: *he looks up* Hm? Arsé-kun: Mori: ... *he whips fabric at the doorway, and sighs when it lands on someone unseen* Can we help you, Dr. Griffin? Arsé-kun: Jack: What's all this? Sheepy: Yan: .............. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, I'm a human. The professor is a human. Assassin is a little less human. Sheepy: Holmes: Unless you mean the fabric? It's polyester. Sheepy: Holmes: Anything else? Arsé-kun: Jack: Do the rider and Lobo know about this? Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmmmm? Oh, I wouldn't know. Sheepy: Holmes: I have very little contact with them. Sheepy: Holmes: The wolf is a bit snappy with me. Arsé-kun: Jack: Then I'm going to go tell Rider. *he pulls the fabric off and drops it to the floor.* You might survive! Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, wait one moment. Sheepy: Holmes: Before you go, I want to ask you a question. Sheepy: Holmes: It's very important. Arsé-kun: Jack: ..... Fine. What is it? Sheepy: Holmes: How do you see? Sheepy: Holmes: Invisibility is caused by light passing through rather than reflecting, but eyes required light to reflect off of them to function. Sheepy: Holmes: It bothers me every time I look at you. Arsé-kun: Jack: .... Something seems off about that last sentence. Sheepy: Holmes: And something feels off about your ability to see! Arsé-kun: Jack: All of it! The whole damn thing! I've got no goddamn idea either, and if I could see you clearly I'd kick your ass for asking! *brief pause* I'm flipping you off right now! Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, wow. Sheepy: Holmes: How terrifying! Arsé-kun: Jack: Fuck you too! Arsé-kun: *and then he leaves, maybe. His tendency to use spirit form to sneak around is specifically so people don't know what he's up to. Or it's supposed to. Nobody knows ooooOOOOooOoo SPOOP* Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmmm. Arsé-kun: Mori: Hmm indeed. It's most likely he has left. Sheepy: Yan: .......... Arsé-kun: Mori: ...? *he lightly pats Yan's back* Have you forgotten how to write? Sheepy: Yan: *He hesitantly picks up the paper and pencil and starts writing* Sheepy: Yan: "The memories are so hazy. They feel incomplete. Sometimes I don't think they're his, but Lobo's." Sheepy: Yan: "...Unless he eats people. But he doesn't have a mouth... so I doubt that." Sheepy: Holmes:...He still does that...? Is that why you didn't have neighbors for a while? Arsé-kun: Mori: So obviously, yes, that is part of it. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, tell me more about this can of worms. Sheepy: Holmes: After all, considering that he snaps at me whenever I come close and glares at me whenever he sees me, I have a right to be curious...ah, I mean cautious. Sheepy: Yan: "Well, that guy was gonna tell Rider, right? So Lobo might come in here soon and kill us. We should really have our fun before he does that." Sheepy: Holmes: Lobo is going to try to kill me no matter what I do. Arsé-kun: Mori: Maybe you just smell bad. Sheepy: Holmes: Do I...? Sheepy: Holmes: Well, embarrassingly enough, I haven't had the energy to do much until recently, and I haven't had the motivation to bathe... On top of that, Watson isn't here to make me take care of myself. Sheepy: Holmes: And no one has taken over that role, so I'm relying on nothing but pure survival instincts to keep myself alive. Arsé-kun: Mori: If you get it over with, you don't have to do it later! Sheepy: Holmes: Then, I'll be back. Sheepy: *He stands up and heads out.* Sheepy: Yan: "He left the work to you." Arsé-kun: Mori: I'll put a paint bomb in his so he has to shower again later tonight. Sheepy: Yan: "Good idea." Arsé-kun: Mori: Thank you. .. You can stop being him, by the way. I figured you would have stopped of your own accord. Sheepy: Yan: *He changes back, looking dazed* Sheepy: Yan: Oi, my head's pounding! Sheepy: Yan: Man, I'm happy to have a head! Sheepy: Yan: It's like a big weight has been put back. Sheepy: Yan: They're back, toooo! Aaahahahaha! Oh, how awful! How awful! Just shut up! Sheepy: Yan: Ah, it's such an empty feeling, being him! I've never felt that before! Oh man! I know! He's gonna be added to the voices! Yea! Shut up! I'm gonna add him, and I'll make sure it's REAL painful! AHAHAHA! Arsé-kun: Mori: Why, so he can kill off the others? Sheepy: Yan: Oh? He can do that? Oh! How wonderful! Arsé-kun: Mori: Can he? Why don't you find out? Sheepy: Yan: *He stands up* 'M gonna find out~! Arsé-kun: Mori: Sit down and wait! He'll probably arrive shortly.. Sheepy: Yan: *He sits down* Ahahaha, I'll punish him... Arsé-kun: Mori: He'll kick your ass from here to next week. Sheepy: Yan: You don't know that! Sheepy: Yan: You smart people are all brains and no smarts! Arsé-kun: Mori: Pardon my french, but what the fuck does that mean? Sheepy: Yan: All you do is use your dumb old brain and never actually use your smarts in battle! Arsé-kun: Mori: Are you calling me smart or dumb? Pick one. Sheepy: Yan: It's not about being smart or dumb! Sheepy: Yan: You just decide the battle's outcome before it starts 'cause you're so smart! But you're stupid! Smarts make you fight a losing battle 'cause otherwise you'll just be seen as weak for running away! Sheepy: Yan: You gotta have some sense of pride! You can't just pick on the weak. Sheepy: Yan: So, anyway, if you want an honorable death, I can help. Arsé-kun: Mori: Th This implies I would be fighting as well! Arsé-kun: Mori: And I'd had my share of honorable deaths, thank you very much! My next death is on my own terms. Sheepy: Yan: Oh! Sheepy: Yan: So you aren't fighting, eh? You pit me against Rider and then sit back and relax! Sheepy: Yan: Oh! That is what I like about you! Arsé-kun: Mori: What is there that you don't? Arsé-kun: Mori: ... On second thought, don't answer that. Arsé-kun: Mori: Instead, lets pivot back to what I initially asked of you. *he folds his hands, looking directly to Yan* Now that you can think better than prior, have you learned anything interesting? Sheepy: Yan: I ttthhhiiink I know his name! Sheepy: Yan: But see! Why tell you for free when you can pay me to tell you?! Arsé-kun: Mori: Because I can shoot you if you don't? Sheepy: Yan: Oh, if you shoot me, I'll be veeerrrryyyyy unhappy! Sheepy: Yan: In fact! I'll tell everyone that you shoot people when you don't get your way! Arsé-kun: Mori: Is that a surprise? An evil mastermind shoots people? What a shocker. Sheepy: Yan: That's just what's special about you. Sheepy: Yan: You don't pull the trigger. Sheepy: Yan: It's too much work to do anything yourself! That's why people like me exist! Sheepy: Yan: But dooooon't worry~ I can push you into the deep end! Whoosh! How fun! Sheepy: Yan: O~h, I bet Heinrich would love to join! Arsé-kun: Mori: And if you finish that name, I might get your payment. Sheepy: Yan: Hmmm...! Sheepy: Yan:.....Luneberg! Yea! Arsé-kun: Mori: And you're certain? Sheepy: Yan: Yea! Arsé-kun: Mori: Either way. *he, not looking away, pulls out a small bag from under the fabrics and tosses it to Yan* You can't say I don't pay you. Sheepy: Yan: What's this? Arsé-kun: Mori: I just told you. Sheepy: Yan: *He opens the bag* Arsé-kun: *It's money! Mostly money. Snack included. Suspiciously gold credit card included.* Sheepy: Yan:....! Sheepy: Yan: Oh shoot I love cheezits! They taste like trash! Sheepy: Yan: I love eating trash! Arsé-kun: Mori: It's better than you actually digging in the trash! Sheepy: Yan: Oh, I don't do that! Sheepy: Yan: I eat out of your food closet. Arsé-kun: Mori: Yes, I know that. Sheepy: Yan: You really should stock better food! Arsé-kun: Mori: It's not for you! Sheepy: Yan: Then why can I eat it? Sheepy: Yan: I can't say I can give back the food I've eaten! Arsé-kun: Mori: You just come in and take it!-- Ooh, I can't just complain about that in my position! Sheepy: Yan: You're a criminal, too. Arsé-kun: Mori: The best. Sheepy: Yan: Hmm. Sheepy: *Those cheezits? You should’ve gotten to them faster. Where did they go- oh, they went Holme...s* Sheepy: Holmes: *He’s eating Yan’s cheezits...* Sheepy: Yan: ....*Griiiiiiinnnn* Sheepy: *Yan is showing his pearly whites, which, with his smaller pupils and seemingly sharper-than-usual canines makes him look similar to a snake.* Sheepy: Yan: Oh-ho, how are those? Sheepy: Holmes: *He grimaces and keeps eating them* Arsé-kun: Mori: Terrible. Absolutely horrible. You deserved that, Holmes. Arsé-kun: *Mori briefly pauses and glances down. Stealth phone check.* Arsé-kun: Mori: The wizard declined assisting out of fear. Do we have a plan B? Sheepy: Holmes: They taste the way you smell. Like old people Sheepy: Yan: That was my trash! Arsé-kun: Mori: I'm only in my fifties!! Sheepy: Holmes: You’re getting up in the years. You’re over half a century. Arsé-kun: Mori: By that logic, Yan is our great grandfather! Sheepy: Yan: Eh? Sheepy: Yan: You see this hot bod? Sheepy: Holmes: You just said you were over fifty, and a century is a hundred years. Arsé-kun: Mori: In!! In my fifties! Look, at least I didn't have a babysitter living with me in my twenties, Holmes! Sheepy: Holmes: Tell me what's incorrect about saying you're over half a century old. Arsé-kun: Mori: I don't like the way it sounds. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, you no longer need a babysitter as I do. Arsé-kun: Mori: So that's one of us who doesn't. Sheepy: Holmes: It doesn't bother me that I'm completely incapable of taking care of myself because I sacrificed that capability to take care of others better. Sheepy: Holmes: Instead of focusing my mind on my health, I focus my mind on the case at hand. Sheepy: Holmes: And thanks to Watson, I was able to live this way happily. Sheepy: Holmes: I was hoping that Archer would take that role over, but instead he orders me around like Mrs. Hudson. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, you would be perfect as a replacement, Professor Moriarty. Arsé-kun: Mori: But not once have you given me an incentive! Sheepy: Holmes: What would give you incentive? Arsé-kun: Mori: What do you think? Arsé-kun: *as they continue bickering, Jack returns, stomping in and throwing a bundle of who knows what onto the table. He is currently observable due to a gigantic streak of black paint across his entire front and the seemingly-floating sunglasses. Stealth is not on the menu today.* Arsé-kun: Jack: Fuck it!! Here, douchebags! Have some free shit! I stole it from the goddamn clown-lookin' motherfucker! Arsé-kun: Jack: And kick Rider's ass for me! Bastard doesn't listen, well, here you guys go! Fuuuck! Sheepy: Holmes: ... He... doesn’t have ears. Sheepy: Holmes: How does he hear without ears...? Arsé-kun: Jack: Air vibrations or some shit! Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmm. But how do you know that he's not listening to you? Arsé-kun: Jack: Well, he ain't here kicking your asses, is he?! Sheepy: Holmes: Well, no. Sheepy: Holmes: But are you sure he wants to? Arsé-kun: Jack: Him?? Not decapitating a man? Sheepy: Holmes: I suppose you have a point. Arsé-kun: Jack: *he looks back* Oh, he's finally coming! You'd better act now! Sheepy: *Holmes quickly puts o the disguise* Arsé-kun: *as does Mori, before hitting the lights* Sheepy: *Yan has switched back to being Rider.* Sheepy: *Rider enters the room, the only noise from him being his footsteps, accompanied by the heavier footsteps of Lobo who's trailing behind him* Sheepy: Rider: .............. Arsé-kun: Jack: Great, now there's four of 'em. No one is safe! Sheepy: Rider: ........................ Sheepy: Rider: *he points to the three other Riders* ...? Arsé-kun: Mori: "What, do you not like it?" Sheepy: Rider: .......................... Sheepy: *Lobo reaches Rider's side and eyes the three other Riders.* Arsé-kun: Jack: .... Thrilling discussion. Sheepy: Rider: "Why are there many of me?" Sheepy: Rider: "We only need one." Arsé-kun: Mori: "Why, indeed?" Sheepy: Lobo: ..............*He approaches Holmes, who backs off a bit, but not fast enough. Lobo howls angrily and slams Holmes into the ground with one quick motion before sniffing at Mori* Arsé-kun: Mori: *he holds his hand out for Lobo. confidence 100* Sheepy: Lobo: .........*He nuzzles Mori!* Arsé-kun: *Mori pets Lobo. Good boooooy* Sheepy: Lobo: *He is wagging his tail. Rider ... is watching? Maybe?* Arsé-kun: Mori: ... *he reaches out to stop Rider, putting a hand on his shoulder* Arsé-kun: *and hands Rider a can* Sheepy: Lobo: *He whines and nudges Mori* Sheepy: Rider: *He hesitantly opens the can* Arsé-kun: *peanuts pop out! boo.* Sheepy: *Rider jumps a bit, surprised. Lobo starts barking loudly at the can.* Arsé-kun: Jack: *he puts his hand on his head, rivaling Star Captain Picard for being so absolutely done* Sheepy: Rider: *He throws the can.* Arsé-kun: *this bitch empty. yeet.* Sheepy: Rider: “Stop disguising yourself as me.” Arsé-kun: Mori: "What do you mean "Stop"? It's never been done before." Sheepy: Rider: "Stop. Now." Arsé-kun: Mori: "Yes, yes, fine." Arsé-kun: Jack: Magus incoming! Arsé-kun: Mori: .... "After this." Sheepy: Lobo: *He looks over in the direction of the door, ears perked up* Arsé-kun: Minako: Riiider, have you seen Sherlooc--- What am I looking at? Lobo, what is this? Sheepy: Lobo: .........*He picks up Sherlock by the back of his coat, struts over to Minako, and drops him* Arsé-kun: Mori: ... *snrrrrrk* Arsé-kun: Minako: Thank you, Lobo! *pat, pat* And you! I've been looking for you for the last two hours! *she reaches up to pull on the morph suit head cover. She might be grabbing hair.* You big bully! Sheepy: Holmes: -Ow! Arsé-kun: *Mori pulls off the head cover so he can see Sherlock's demise better* Sheepy: Holmes: *He pulls off the disguise* Arsé-kun: Minako: Can I get you to do your job? Is that a thing you actually do? Sheepy: Holmes: Of course! Arsé-kun: Minako: Great! You notice the severe lack of Lance screaming? Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, I was happy about that. Arsé-kun: Minako: He's not here! He hasn't BEEN here! Since camping! Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, what about that? Arsé-kun: Minako: Nobody knows where he is! He's ALIVE, I know that, but he's cloaked or something! Tristan and Lucan, too! Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmmm. Sheepy: Holmes: That is a problem. Arsé-kun: Minako: It is! Even the dogs can't catch their trail! .. No offense, Lobo! Sheepy: Lobo: ............. Sheepy: Holmes: So you want me to look for them. Sheepy: Holmes: Do you have any information you can give me? Arsé-kun: Minako: Yep, yep, and yes-sirree! Sheepy: Holmes: Tell me. Arsé-kun: Minako: *she pulls up a map on her comm.* The Cu's lost track around here. *she puts a little star where she is pointing to* We initially started way down here, *star* and Enkidu lost their trail way way up here! *star and circled* Multiple trails were found, and Merlin reported what he called "The most solid cloak I've seen since..." and I'm not finishing that! Sheepy: Holmes: Cloak? Multiple trails? Sheepy: Holmes: How many footprints? What did the cloak look like? Arsé-kun: Minako: Magical cloaking! Like when you cover up your magic duel from nearby muggles? That sorta cloak! Trails apparently overlapped, uh.. *she pulls up a notepad. The notes are a disasterpiece.* A lot of different prints, including horseshoe prints! *She pauses to scroll. Squints. Regrets own ability to take notes.* Oh, but Tristan did leave his cape somewhere, so I guess that's a cloak too. Sheepy: Holmes: So they joined up with someone with some sort of riding animal. Arsé-kun: Minako: The knights agreed it was most liiiikely Grifflet, since he DID show up on his horse on the first evening we were there. But no definites! Sheepy: Holmes: Presumably, it was someone they trusted. Sheepy: Holmes: However...I don't want to make that assumption because I have no evidence. Sheepy: Holmes: Well then. It's time to head out... Ah, if only I had Toby. Sheepy: Holmes: Lobo is nowhere near as good as Toby. Sheepy: *Lobo snarls.* Arsé-kun: Mori: ... No, Lobo. Sheepy: Holmes: Toby had the best nose. And the sweetest face. And the cutest ears. And- ah, I should get ready. Sheepy: Holmes: I'm going out. Arsé-kun: Minako: Stay safe, Detective! Sheepy: Holmes: Thank you. Arsé-kun: Jack: And Lobo wishes for you to commit die. Maybe do that afterwards! Sheepy: Holmes: I won't do that Sheepy: *Holmes heads out!* Arsé-kun: *And only minutes after leaving does Moriarty catch up, having removed his own disguise and gathered supplies.* Sheepy: Holmes: Oh? You're coming? Arsé-kun: Mori: You keep saying I should be your Watson. I may as well make sure you survive, but I can't promise you'll be in good shape. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, thank you. Arsé-kun: Mori: Think nothing of it. Sheepy: Holmes: Now, my plan is to follow the tracks. That should be a good start. Sheepy: *So, Holmes heads to the woods and starts looking for the path.* Arsé-kun: *Meanwhile, Mori asked for this info to be sent to his phone, so he has a fucking map. So he just grabs Sherlock's arm and drags him that-a-way* Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, over here? Arsé-kun: Mori: Yes. Arsé-kun: Mori: ... All right, I'm asking, but I don't expect an answer. *he huffs, but doesn't turn back to look at Sherlock* What sort of phantom or being were you mixed with on your most recent summoning to make you this way? You were perfectly fine in Shinjuku. Sheepy: Holmes: I don't know what you're talking about. *he's clearly lying.* Sheepy: Holmes: You say "my most recent summoning", but you have no proof of when "my most recent summoning" was. Sheepy: Holmes: You never know. My most recent summoning might've been before those events completely. Sheepy: Holmes: Anyway, I won't lie and say I'm not. Sheepy: Holmes: But to reveal my ace card like that to my rival... Oh, but perhaps I should give you a hint... Hmhm. Arsé-kun: *Moriarty raises his eyebrows. They ascend into the fucking stratosphere. They're still going.* Sheepy: Holmes: What? Arsé-kun: Mori: I didn't expect you to confirm it so quickly, that's all. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, it's not as though I can hide it from you. Sheepy: Holmes: Really, the only thing I can hide is who it is and the manner of which we coexist. Sheepy: Holmes: Is it a phantom relationship? Why would I need a phantom, when phantoms are entities who aren't well known? Could it be something else? What manner of summoning would that require? Could it be related to how I ended up meeting Minako? Sheepy: Holmes: And finally, who is it? Sheepy: Holmes: Those will be answered in time...ah, other than the last one. Arsé-kun: Mori: We'll see about that, Holmes. Arsé-kun: Mori: *he snorts and shakes his head* All you've done is made me more interested. Sheepy: Holmes: I suspected such, but it was worth a shot. Arsé-kun: Mori: Give me a hint, and then shut up and focus on the task at hand. Sheepy: Holmes: .................Hmm. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, you say I'm less sharp than usual. Sheepy: Holmes: Try looking for an idiot that's comparable to my smarts. Arsé-kun: Mori: So not the wizard? Sheepy: Holmes: No, not Merlin. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, if only you had Watson! Sheepy: Holmes: He could tell you everything different about me, not that I'm really aware of it. Arsé-kun: Mori: You talk about him so much, I could almost mistake you for married. *he smirks* Sheepy: Holmes: Well, he's my closest friend. Arsé-kun: *and they eventually actually get where they are going. with no interruptions! what the fuck!!* Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, they went this way, based on the footprints. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, if there’s an enemy, I expect you to protect me. Sheepy: Holmes: Unfortunately, I’m no stronger than a human. Arsé-kun: Mori: Oh, you're the grail avenger now? When did that happen? Sheepy: Holmes: I wasn’t capable of fighting in Shinjuku, remember? Arsé-kun: Mori: So you claimed, but you fought fine when pretending to be the Count. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, yes. Sheepy: Holmes: However, any human being can play make believe. Sheepy: Holmes: But I personally am weak. Arsé-kun: Mori: Were we not working, I'd have tried to slaughter you where you stand. Sheepy: Holmes: What? Why? Arsé-kun: Mori: To see how you would react, of course. Arsé-kun: Mori: ... And I wanted to use that line. Sheepy: Holmes: How cruel. Arsé-kun: Mori: That means I'm doing my job right. Sheepy: Holmes: You haven’t shifted occupations to babysitter? Arsé-kun: Mori: I have not! Having experience and using it does not mean it is your job! Sheepy: Holmes: That’s true. Arsé-kun: Mori: And I have spotted evidence. *he gestures a bit ahead. There is a cape hanging on a low branch* Sheepy: Holmes: Hmm. It looks like Tristan’s, as she mentioned. Sheepy: Holmes: ......Well, let’s keep going. Arsé-kun: Mori: Aye. *he picks up the cape. Tristan is probably going to want that.* Sheepy: *...After a bit of following the path, Holmes begins diverging off of it* Arsé-kun: Mori: Are you onto something? *but he follows Holmes, looking around for whatever gave him direction* Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, they’re this way. Arsé-kun: Mori: If you say so! Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, I do. Sheepy: *Holmes is looking around...* Arsé-kun: Mori: *he's consulting the map* Sheepy: Holmes: I think we're getting closer. Arsé-kun: Mori: What tells you that? Sheepy: Holmes: Detective's instinct. Arsé-kun: Mori: Where do you get that, the dollar store? Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmmm? Sheepy: Holmes: No, no, much cheaper than that. Sheepy: Holmes: It's free. Arsé-kun: Mori: Great, share it so I can see what direction you're coming from. I don't see anything of note from here! Sheepy: Holmes: A magician never reveals his secrets. Arsé-kun: Mori: Good thing you're not a magician. Sheepy: Holmes: How about this, then: Sheepy: Holmes: It pertains to the previous conversation. Arsé-kun: Mori: Ah, so it's not even you doing it. Good to know. I'll make use of this somehow. Arsé-kun: *or so he Says* Sheepy: Holmes: How? Arsé-kun: Mori: I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. Sheepy: Holmes: I see. Arsé-kun: Mori: Do you? Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, I do. But I don't see them yet. Arsé-kun: Mori: Nor do I. But remember- The cloak is still in place. We may be unable to see them. Sheepy: Holmes: That's true. Arsé-kun: *and then Holmes gets fucking sniped, real fast. it was getting too chummy around here anyway* Sheepy: Holmes: -Ugh! Arsé-kun: *Mori whirls around and spots the Giant Floating Eyeball demon. The thing they absolutely should not have completely missed.* Sheepy: Holmes: Where did that come from...?! Arsé-kun: Mori: If I knew, I would tell you! *he pulls out his cannon gun and points it at the eyeball. it doesn't seem scared of a death shaped gun* Sheepy: Holmes: (Do I fight...or leave it to him?) Sheepy: *Holmes glances around to see if there's any more enemies.* Arsé-kun: *it seems to be the only one, and it's absorbing bullets like they're nothing.* Sheepy: Holmes: *He takes a deep breath before focusing on the eye. Something about his gaze is... frightening? [You need to get away. Get away before it's too late.]* Arsé-kun: *the Gazer backs off. Debuff resistance lowered. Attack lowered. Defense raised. Moriarty also looked, lowering his debuff resistance enough to get Stunned. oops* Sheepy: Holmes: (He looked! What do we do?) Arsé-kun: *He gets silence as an answer. I don't know what you expected, Sherlock* Sheepy: *Holmes rushes towards the enemy!* Arsé-kun: *it isn't fast enough to back out of Holmes' range. It is Afraid. Moriarty, meanwhile, shakes off the stun and stands back to observe* Sheepy: *Holmes kicks it!* Arsé-kun: *It is kicked over the horizon. Gooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllll!* Sheepy: *Holmes turns and starts approaching Mori to join him again.* Arsé-kun: Mori: ..... I may have additional questions. Sheepy: Holmes: Like what? Arsé-kun: Mori: Pardon my french but C’est quoi?? Sheepy: Holmes: I just looked at it, that's all. Arsé-kun: Mori: *he looks... Highly doubtful* Sheepy: Holmes: What? Arsé-kun: Mori: Forget it, Holmes. We're busy enough as it is. Sheepy: Holmes:...Well, if that's what you want. Sheepy: Holmes: I'll be relying on you for protection, so try to do a better job next time. Arsé-kun: Mori: That, or a straight answer- You didn't need me at all for that! Sheepy: Holmes: Don't think like that, I do need you. Sheepy: Holmes: If nothing else, I can use you as a meat shield. Arsé-kun: Mori: I really appreciate it. *the sarcasm is very obvious in his voice* Thanks a lot. Sheepy: Holmes: It's no problem. Sheepy: Holmes: Now, let's keep going. Arsé-kun: Mori: Yes, yes. You can lead. Sheepy: *Holmes leads Mori to Tristan and friends!* Sheepy: Grif: *He is prodding the eyeball that Holmes launched* ... ? Sheepy: *Lucan is under it.* Arsé-kun: Lance: Hrgh! *and he tugs Lucan's arm.* Sheepy: *Lucan responds with a loud yelp.* Sheepy: Lucan: Heyhey, be more gentle! Arsé-kun: Lance: Sorrrrry..! Sheepy: Grif:...It's my friend. Sheepy: Grif: It likes it right here. Sheepy: Grif: So you move. Arsé-kun: Kay: Are you serio-- Why am I asking? Of course he's serious. *he just puts his hands on his face and sighs* Sheepy: Tristan: Oh, how sad...to be a chair for a Watcher... Sheepy: Grif: No, I'm Griflet. Is your memory failing? Arsé-kun: Kay: I thought it was a Gazer? And for the love of God, Griflet, serious isn't a name! Sheepy: Grif: Yes, exactly, so it's foolish for you to assume it's my name. Sheepy: Lucan: Was it migrating? Is that it? Sheepy: Lucan: Then it thought that I was real comfy? Sheepy: Grif: I'm going to name him. Sheepy: Grif: You see? It's docile because it likes me. Arsé-kun: Mori: .... So this is where it landed? And with it, there you all are. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, my apologies, I kicked that here. Sheepy: Grif:....?! Sheepy: *Grif unsheathes his sword* Sheepy: Grif: I don't know you, but if you touch Buddy, I'll tear you to shreds! Sheepy: *Buddy briefly looks up from grazing at Grif before he goes back to it. Elyan is staring, unblinking, at Holmes.* Arsé-kun: Mori: He won't. It was an act of self-defense. *he picks his hands up* Do put that away, we're having a conversation. Sheepy: Grif:...........*He bares his teeth, but does lower his sword.* Sheepy: Lucan: Oh, I'm saved. Arsé-kun: *the Gazer has moved to behind Grif. This is Safe.* Sheepy: Lucan: *He groans and picks himself off the ground* Well, I don't recognize you. Sheepy: Lucan:...Oh, hold on, you're a bit familiar. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, it's you two. Sheepy: Tristan: Sir Griflet strong armed us into joining him for a quest. Arsé-kun: Mori: That answers at least one question. Sheepy: Grif: *He gently pats the Gazer. friend* Sheepy: *Elyan is still staring...* Sheepy: Tristan: What brings you out here? Arsé-kun: Mori: The detective here was asked to find you three. Especially you, Sir Lancelot, Minako was worried about you. Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, that's why. Arsé-kun: Lance: ...... *he whines* Sorrrrrryyyyy.. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, what's done is done. Arsé-kun: Mori: What, that's it? Sheepy: Holmes: You expected me to punish him? Sheepy: Holmes: I'm not capable of fighting. Arsé-kun: Mori: I at least wanted to know why the area was cloaked. Sheepy: Grif: Yes, well. Sheepy: Grif: You see, there's a spirit who lives in this forest. Sheepy: Grif: And- Sheepy: Lucan: It's really long and convoluted. Arsé-kun: Kay: We're stuck while Grif sees it through to the end. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: If you try to leave before she's rescued from the demon of the forest who created this cloak, you'll be cursed. Sheepy: Holmes: *He has lost interest in the conversation and has locked eyes with Elyan.* Arsé-kun: Kay: We've got a sick master back at home..! Can't it be done faster, Grif? Sheepy: Grif: I'm trying. Arsé-kun: Kay: Ughhhh! Sheepy: Grif: Are you? Arsé-kun: Kay: We're not going anywhere, are we?? We've slowed down! And we don't have infinite mana, either! Sheepy: Grif:....... Sheepy: Grif: Ah. Sheepy: Grif: So they're reinforcements. Arsé-kun: Kay: No!! Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: Yes, let's save her Arsé-kun: Kay: Then what are we standing here for?! You've got the gizmo whatchacallit! Arsé-kun: Kay: Get on your horse, take your bird, rescue the nature spirit, brave knight! Onwards you go! Sheepy: Grif: Yes, good idea. *He heads over to Buddy and gets on Buddy's back. Elyan doesn't seem to notice, more focused on Holmes* Arsé-kun: *and Lance is staring at Failnaught. You cannot have that* Sheepy: Tristan: Oh, are we letting him go alone? Arsé-kun: Kay: He's the one who started it alone. It's fitting he ends it that way, too. Arsé-kun: Kay: We can just walk this time. Sheepy: Tristan: Yes, that works. Arsé-kun: Lance: Hnnn. I wanted to try Failnaught again.. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, just don't break it. Arsé-kun: Lance: !!! *he seems excited and eagerly grabs Failnaught before stepping back and leaping into a tree. Servanto jumpa powahhh. There he goes.* Sheepy: Lucan: Oh no. Arsé-kun: Kay: I'm gonna bet he's gonna crash again. Sheepy: Lucan: Yeah, same. Arsé-kun: *distant gurgling of "AAAARRRRRTHHHUUUURRRRR!!" as Lancelot shoots out of the tree like a rocket. This is not the intended gliding speed. Goodbye lancelot. See you, space cowboy.* Sheepy: Lucan:...Ohhhh nnoooo. Arsé-kun: Mori: ... Judging by that launch, he is going to crash straight into the ground. Sheepy: Lucan: Yeah, exactly. Arsé-kun: *and Lancelot does Exactly Fucking That a few miles away. Failnaught is unharmed. Crater size-- New Record.* Arsé-kun: *but he isn't the first one there. Grif is, and he is already in the final boss fight. Lance settles for being the reinforcements. Everyone else just gets to watch. The Gazer still wants nothing to do with Sherlock. Mori is passing information on, because Sherlock is too busy making noises at a bird.* Sheepy: *Grif is being extremely aggressive in the fight. Too aggressive, perhaps.* Arsé-kun: *Way too aggressive. He keeps leaving himself open* Sheepy: *Grif. You're going to get hurt.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 3 Sheepy: *He does his best, but due to his aggression and the power of the enemy, he's defeated!* Arsé-kun: *The Spriggan Guardian of the Cage screams and slams it's club down next to Griflet.* Sheepy: Grif: --!! Sheepy: *Despite all odds, Grif launches himself at the Guardian! However, he didn't think to pick up his sword and he ends up punching the Guardian instead.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 14 (dc) Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 17 Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 19 Arsé-kun: *The Guardian goes to grab him, but Grif easily jumps out of the way. He also sticks the landing.* Sheepy: Grif: *He scoops up his sword.* Arsé-kun: Kay: For fuck's sake, Grif! Get out of here! *and he runs in, his own sword drawn. He hasn't been an active combatant in most of the adventure, but he's here when it counts!* Let us get in here too! Sheepy: Grif: No! The fight isn't done yet! Sheepy: Grif: Helping is fine! Arsé-kun: Kay: Have it your way! *he joins Grif on the front line* Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 1 Sheepy: *Grif launches himself at the Guardian! ... However, the Guardian outsmarts him and sends him flying by using its club. HOME RUN!* Arsé-kun: *Kay takes advantage of this and lights the Guardian's foot on fire. Lance abandons his position to chase after Grif. Failnaught is returned to Tristan on the way past.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 17 Arsé-kun: *Grif goes through at least seventeen trees. Minimum. this is the fate the d20 has given you* Sheepy: *Even if the will to fight remains, Grif isn't capable of it at this point. He finally lands with a skid and doesn't get up.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 6 (dc) Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 20 Arsé-kun: *Kay looks away for ONE GODDAMN SECOND and gets pulverized by the Guardian's club. May he rest in peace. And pieces.* Sheepy: Lucan: --!! Kay! Sheepy: Lucan: *He dashes in, followed by Tristan.* Looks like it's up to me... Sheepy: Tristan: I'll support you as best as I can...Ah, how sad...Poor Kay...Poor Griflet.. Sheepy: Tristan: *He plays Failnaught, attempting to bind the Guardian.* Arsé-kun: *He is successful! The Guardian is bound for the turn!* Sheepy: *Lucan, using this opportunity, attempts to stab the Guardian with his lance!* Arsé-kun: *his attack connects!* Sheepy: *He proceeds to back off.* Arsé-kun: *the Guardian is stunned and skips it's turn!* Sheepy: *Tristan shoots arrows at the Guardian!* Arsé-kun: *Failnaught cannot miss, so Automatic Success.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 4 sides. The die showed: 4 Arsé-kun: *Critical damage!* Sheepy: *Lucan followed it up with another attempt at a stab!* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 16 Arsé-kun: *He sure took a stab at it!!* Arsé-kun: *the Guardian raises its club and swings at Lucan! Lucan evades!* Sheepy: Lucan: You can't hit me that easily! Arsé-kun: Mori: .... Please tell me someone else hears that. Sheepy: Lucan:...What is that? Arsé-kun: Kay: It sorta sounds like a passing airplane.. Sheepy: Lucan: You're alive?! Arsé-kun: Kay: I don't want to be. Sheepy: Lucan: Don't worry! I can heal you! Arsé-kun: Kay: I don't want your guts...! Sheepy: Lucan: So picky! Arsé-kun: *the airplane sound has gotten closer. do I need to be subtle about what it is?* Sheepy: Lucan:....Why is it getting closer?! Arsé-kun: Mori: It's your teammate. You may want to get down. Sheepy: *Lucan hunkers down.* Sheepy: *Tristan flops to the ground.* Arsé-kun: *and Lancelot, riding his favorite fighter jet from his Noble Phantasm, kamikazes the Guardian. He bails at the last second..! And the Guardian swats the plane out of the air like a fly. Lancelot takes his helmet off and punts it to express his displeasure.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 17 Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 17 Arsé-kun: *the helmet connects. The damage is minimal, but it connected.* Sheepy: Holmes: You seem to be having trouble. Arsé-kun: Mori: Shall the reinforcements clean up this mess? Sheepy: Holmes: I suppose we should. Arsé-kun: Mori: All right, then. *he picks up his coffin-gun* Actually help me this time, then. Sheepy: Holmes: I helped the last time! Sheepy: Holmes: *He huffs, before running and jumping at the Guardian! He fires off his magnifying glass laser things.* Arsé-kun: *as he does this, Moriarty shoots at the Guardian's legs!* Sheepy: *Holmes follows it up by dropkicking the Guardian.* Arsé-kun: *Long story short, they're whaling on it.* Sheepy: *Elyan watches.* Arsé-kun: *the Gazer plops down next to him. it sees* Sheepy: Buddy: *He sniffs at the Gazer* Arsé-kun: *it glances at Buddy. It doesn't seem worried about horse* Sheepy: *Eventually, Holmes and Mori defeat the Guardian!* Arsé-kun: Kay: Hooray.. Sheepy: Lucan: Oh, cheer up. Sheepy: Lucan: It’s just a scratch. Arsé-kun: Kay: I can't feel my face. Sheepy: Lucan: Why not? Arsé-kun: Kay: I don't know. Sheepy: Lucan: Who’s stopping you? Sheepy: Lucan: Ah! I am. Here, I can get you fixed up Arsé-kun: *Lance voices his displeasure before grabbing Lucan's wrist. No, banned. No Noble Phantasms Allowed* Sheepy: Lucan: Do you have a better idea? Sheepy: Lucan: If so, please share it. Arsé-kun: Lance: Anyyyything but that. Sheepy: Lucan: ..... Sheepy: Lucan: Guess we’re carrying you back Sheepy: Lucan: So Merlin can heal you Sheepy: Lucan; How does that sound? My method is faster, of course... Arsé-kun: Lance: yOU'RE SURVIVING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT Sheepy: Lucan: Ah? Sheepy: Lucan: Sir Tristan, you disagree with his sentiment, correct? Sheepy: Tristan: Oh, how sad! Sheepy: Tristan: To lose the one who knows how to do taxes...! Sheepy: Grif: *He drags himself over, bleeding profusely* Now that it’s dead, I can unlock the cage...! Sheepy: Lucan: You aren’t dead...? Arsé-kun: Kay: .... Kiddo's gonna kill us. Sheepy: Lucan: Oof. Good luck. Arsé-kun: Lance: Rrrrrest in pieces. Sheepy: Grif: *He uses the key item!* Arsé-kun: *the cage is unlocked!* Arsé-kun: *Everyone present is healed for a small amount of health!* Arsé-kun: Kay: *he sits up and shakes his head. He liiiiives.* Sheepy: Lucan: Good. Sheepy: Grif:......We did it. Sheepy: Grif: Are you hurt? Arsé-kun: *the spirit doesn't seem to be speaking... out loud. Unfortunate for everyone that isn't Grif.* Sheepy: Grif: It was no problem. Arsé-kun: Kay: .... Can anyone else hear what's going on over there? Or have I gone deaf? Sheepy: Lucan: I can't either. Arsé-kun: Kay: Goddamn it. He's gonna get the big prize and we're gonna get what? Sheepy: Lucan: Stitches. Arsé-kun: Lance: We're knights, not mercenariiiieessss! *he seems proud of himself. He's also thoughtfully looking at the Guardian's club* Sheepy: Lucan: There's nothing that says that the prize isn't eternal suffering. Sheepy: Lucan: Anyway, it's not the journey, it's the destination! Sheepy: Lucan:...Ah! Sheepy: Lucan: That's the opposite of what I meant! Sheepy: Lucan: No, no, it not the destination, it's the journey, that's it! Arsé-kun: Kay: The journey was mostly Grif doing things, featuring us all being dragged along. Even you got in on it! Sheepy: Lucan: Yes. Well. Sheepy: Lucan:.... Sheepy: Lucan:....I want to go on another adventure sometime soon. Sheepy: Grif: My wish... it's not something that can be granted. I highly doubt it can. Arsé-kun: Kay: Maybe we can. Just... Not a Griflet-brand adventure. Sheepy: Lucan: Yes, that's better. Arsé-kun: *Lance re-enters scene, having broke a chunk of the club off. Smaller club. Travel-friendly sized club* Arsé-kun: Lance: Yes, let's do this again! Arsé-kun: Lance: Lets bring medica supplies next time! *he frowns* Medica. I speak words well yes! Sheepy: Lucan: Don't worry, it happens to the best of us! Sheepy: Tristan: *Snore* Arsé-kun: *Kay follows Tristan's example and lays back down to take a nap* Sheepy: Grif: ...So, this will help me in the future? Yes. Thank you. I'll treasure it. Arsé-kun: *the spirit vanishes, returning to the forest* Sheepy: *So, the knights head home!* Arsé-kun: *and by Home we mean Mink's house. Through Lancelot's window, which is on the second floor. His room, not Guin's. Clonk clonk clank.* Sheepy: Grif: Yes, he'll never find us here. Sheepy: Lucan: Oh, how cowardly. Arsé-kun: Kay: More like he won't..! Grif, he's sickly as hell, how would he get here?? Sheepy: Grif: Hm. Sheepy: Grif: Walking. Sheepy: Lucan:...*He raises his eyebrows* Arsé-kun: Kay: ..... Okay, true. Sheepy: Lucan: All the way over here? Arsé-kun: Kay: He could probably do it... *he flops onto bed. Is anyone else sitting there? too bad, kay time* Sheepy: Grif: You're going to sleep? Arsé-kun: Kay: mmmmmmhm. Arsé-kun: Lance: ... *he was going to pick up the bed so he could store the club under it, but now he can't. so he just shoves it underneath. Shooooove.* Sheepy: Grif: .............. Sheepy: Grif: *He yawns* Sheepy: Lucan: Ah~ I'm so excited. Sheepy: Lucan: I hope we go on another adventure soon... Arsé-kun: Lance: Maybe the next one will be betterrr.. Sheepy: Lucan: Oh, I had a grand old time! I can't imagine it being any better! *His usual stepford smile and dead look in his eyes is replaced with an absolutely beaming expression.* Arsé-kun: *Merlin dives in with his phone already out. Snap, snap, snap, 1000 pictures for Bedivere of a happy Lucan. He felt this anomaly from halfway across the house. Lance takes advantage of Merlin's presence by KOO-boosting his phone. This should not work, but blackmail is a weapon. I guess?* Sheepy: Lucan: !? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Welc--! *he cuts himself off and lowers his voice, for the benefit of Kay, Grif and Tris* Welcome back, brave knights. You look like you had lots of fun..! Sheepy: Lucan: Fun? Me? Ahaha, those concepts don't work together. Sheepy: Lucan: That's silly. Arsé-kun: Merlin: So you don't want to go again? Sheepy: Lucan: Of course I do! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Then be happy about your success. You've got nothing to hide. ;) Sheepy: Lucan: ...! Arsé-kun: Merlin: So, in the stead of any authority-- You did fantastic, Sir Lucan. :) *is he just saying it, or does he really mean it? Sometimes it's hard to tell.* Sheepy: Lucan:!! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Also, don't get comfy. Some of you guys are getting picked up soon. Sheepy: Grif: *snore* Sheepy: Lucan: Don't worry, I'm never comfortable. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I don't think that's a good thing? Sheepy: Lucan: Huh? Arsé-kun: Lance: ..Aaa? *he noticed Something and peers out the window. Who's this? Who's this?* Sheepy: Lucan: What is it? *He follows Lancelot's gaze* Arsé-kun: *Lance sees someone he doesn't know! Kay and Grif's master is also there. Moriarty is also there.* Sheepy: Lucan: Who are they? Arsé-kun: Lance: Which? Sheepy: Lucan: Well, I know Moriarty Sheepy: Lucan: But I don't know the other two. Arsé-kun: Lance: The kid is Kay's boss. The other... Uhh.. Sheepy: *Lobo has begun barking.* Arsé-kun: *and Proto has pressed himself up against a different window* Sheepy: Kidd: ...Is he dangerous? Arsé-kun: Mori: Sometimes? But I'm with you, so he won't try anything. Sheepy: Kidd: That's nice to know. Sheepy: Kidd: Thank you for housing Grif and Kay. I was- *cough, cough*- I was worried about them. Arsé-kun: Mori: Certainly. But may I advise they use the front door next time? Sheepy: Kidd:....? Sheepy: Kidd: I'll ask them to be more considerate in the future. Arsé-kun: Mori: The brave camaraderie of knights climbed in a window, so yes please. Sheepy: Kidd:...Ah... Arsé-kun: Mori: ... Though that could be the fault of any others. Sheepy: Kidd: I...uh... was worried that Grif broke a door down or something. Arsé-kun: Mori: Thankfully no. Sheepy: Kidd: He has a tendency to break things. Sheepy: Kidd:...like spines... *cough* Arsé-kun: Mori: As most berserkers do. Sheepy: Bedi: If you want to come inside, they're upstairs. Sir Kay and Sir Griflet are sleeping. Sheepy: Bedi: I think. Arsé-kun: Lance: *he opens his window and leans out a little. Hello! They're in here!* Sheepy: Kidd: ? Sheepy: Kidd: Lupin? Do you know him? Arsé-kun: Lupin: Not yet! Arsé-kun: Mori: That would be Sir Lancelot. Sheepy: Bedi: Aren't you cold? Arsé-kun: Lance: Kind of? But please hhhhold on. Sheepy: Bedi:? Arsé-kun: *Lance walks away from the window. There's a brief pause, and a yell from Kay. And then Kay is dumped out the window. Kay sticks the landing but he doesn't look happy about it!* Sheepy: Kidd: ! Kay! Arsé-kun: Kay: Kiddo, how'd you get here so fast?? Why are you standing out here, it's so damn cold! Sheepy: Kidd: Ah- uh- Lupin. Arsé-kun: Lupin: *he just grins at Kay* Arsé-kun: Kay: .... Y'know? It's better him than anyone else. Fiiine. Sheepy: Bedi: You didn't break anything on the way down, did you? Sheepy: Bedi: Please come inside. Arsé-kun: Kay: If I broke anything, it was during the adventure and not after! *but he still hurries over to scoop up Kidd, and then going back inside. Through the DOOR.* Sheepy: Satoru: *He watches Kay enter and slowly approaches the two. Staaaaaaare.* Sheepy: Satoru: I know you two. Arsé-kun: Kay: Sure do! How's things, little bud? Sheepy: Satoru: I made a friend today. Sheepy: Satoru: He's a clickbug I found. Sheepy: Satoru: You're Kay, and he's Mann, right? I'm good with names. Arsé-kun: Mori: It's Kidd, Satoru. Sheepy: Satoru: No, I'm kid. Sheepy: Kidd: Th-that's my family name. Sheepy: Satoru: My family name is Gushiken but I never use it. Arsé-kun: *Mori has to stop himself from still adding the "No, you're Satoru"* Sheepy: Kidd:....Like Masanori? Sheepy: Satoru:......... Arsé-kun: Kay: *he raises his eyebrows a bit* Arsé-kun: Mori: .... .... Can someone more uncouth please say what we're all thinking? Arsé-kun: Mozart, from upstairs: Fuck that guy! *loud tuba note* Sheepy: Satoru: He's not allowed here. I hate him. Arsé-kun: Mori: We all agree with this statement. Sheepy: Kidd: Did, did I- *cough* did I say something wrong? Arsé-kun: Lupin: Judging from what I see, no. But I understand he's hated equally here. Sheepy: Kidd: He worked for my father...they're very close. Arsé-kun: Mori: Disgusting. I'm going to rob him blind. Sheepy: Kidd: I don't live with them anymore. Not after, uh... Arsé-kun: Kay: After Grif. Sheepy: Kidd: Yes. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Who is that? *He points to Lupin* Arsé-kun: Lupin: Me? Only the world's greatest gentleman thief- Sheepy: Satoru: No, that's Grandpa. Sheepy: Satoru: But if you claim to be the greatest, that's okay, Lupin. I believe in you. You're cool in your own ways. Arsé-kun: Lupin: *he starts to make a comeback, before registering that Satoru addressed him by name- Despite Satoru not knowing who he was a few moments beforehand* ..?! Sheepy: Satoru: But facing off with Holmes shouldn't be one of those things, because he lives here and he's nowhere near as bright as he's portrayed in the books. It's hard to believe that he's Holmes. I think he might be an imposter. Arsé-kun: *Moriarty tries to suppress a smirk. Step one: Failed. Abandon plan. Laugh* Arsé-kun: Lupin: Eh? We only faced off once. Heck, we event went and got drinks together. Sheepy: Satoru: ? Sheepy: Satoru: But you locked him in a mansion once and then he tried to drown you, right? Arsé-kun: Lupin: That first part, sure, but I'm not so cruel as to keep necessities out of his hands. Sheepy: Satoru: And then one of your men broke Watson's arm and he just insulted Watson and called him lazy. That's what the book says. Sheepy: Satoru: But Holmes doesn't seem that mean. Arsé-kun: Lupin: I didn't tell him to do that. That man was fired. And he's not. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Well, you seem nice, so you can be third best evil mastermind. Sheepy: Satoru: Grandpa is the best, but one day I'm going to be second best. Sheepy: Satoru: I hope you don't mind being third. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, it looks like you have competition, Lupin! Sheepy: *Satoru is beaming!* Sheepy: Satoru: Yes! I believe in you! Sheepy: Holmes: Ahahaha, you should work hard, Lupin. He really got me today. Arsé-kun: Lupin: Then I absolutely need to get back to work, huh? Sheepy: Satoru: Uhuh. You'll do great. Sheepy: Satoru: But I'm really evil so I might even trick you next time. Sheepy: Satoru: I'll even teach you a trick for you to use on others. Sheepy: Satoru: Are you ready? It's a really cunning trick. Arsé-kun: Lupin: I get to learn from a mastermind? Do teach me, monsieur~ Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. How much do you love your favorite thing? I love rhinos this much. *He outstretches his arms* Arsé-kun: Lupin: *he lowers himself down to Satoru's level, and quickly glances at Kidd* Thiiiis much! *and he also puts out his arms* Sheepy: Satoru: I tricked you! Do you know what it means when two people stretch out their arms? Arsé-kun: Lupin: Oh no! Now you absolutely must tell me! Sheepy: Satoru: *He hugs Lupin* It's time for hugs. Arsé-kun: Lupin: How cunning! I've been fooled! The first time in years! Sheepy: Satoru: It's very evil! That's what Holmes said. I thought of it myself. Arsé-kun: Lupin: You're going to surpass your old man at this rate! Sheepy: Satoru:....!!! Sheepy: Satoru: Really? You think so? Arsé-kun: Lupin: He's never gotten me. You have. The advantage is in your favor. Sheepy: Satoru: I'll work extra hard to come up with a new trick. Sheepy: *....Something ice-cold and wet to boot suddenly goes down the back of Lupin's shirt!* Arsé-kun: *Lupin screams and bolts out. Bye, Lupin.* Sheepy: Kidd:?! Sheepy: Rider: .... Arsé-kun: Mori: Rider, your timing continues to be downright terrible. Sheepy: Rider: "Why?" Sheepy: Satoru: *frown* Arsé-kun: Mori: Because he was not staying for long. You've only inconvenienced our guests. Couldn't you do that on the way out? Sheepy: Rider: "You're too picky." Sheepy: Satoru: Is he leaving forever? Arsé-kun: Lupin: Non! *he pokes his head back around the doorframe* And you! You stop doing that, you fantomas! ... Both definitions! Sheepy: Rider: *He crosses his arms* Arsé-kun: *meanwhile, Kay's been considering just jacking an alcoholic beverage from the kitchen for the last who-knows-how-long. He's still functional, but he absolutely doesn't want to be* Sheepy: Kidd: Kay? Are you okay? Arsé-kun: Kay: I'm sober and still feeling like whichever Oz witch had the house fall on them. So, yyyyes? Sheepy: Kidd: Maybe you should sit down. Arsé-kun: Kay: Not to be that guy, but when are we going home? Sheepy: Kidd: We should go home so you can sit. Arsé-kun: Kay: Grifffffff! Sheepy: Grif, from upstairs: KAAAAAYYYYY! Arsé-kun: Kay: Come onnnn! Lets go home, Griff! Sheepy: *Grif rushes downstairs and to Kay* Arsé-kun: Kay: Wait, don't run into me, I've got Kiddo! Sheepy: *Grif stops.* Arsé-kun: *Kay sighs in relief* Sheepy: Grif: What? What is it? Sheepy: Grif: I'm tired! I don't care! Sheepy: Grif: So, what is it?! Arsé-kun: Kay: We're going home! Sheepy: Grif: I don't care! Do what you want!! Sheepy: Grif: I'm tired! Sheepy: *Buddy is peering in through the window. So is Elyan, who has locked eyes with Holmes...again* Arsé-kun: *and then Mori more or less kicked them out. GO HOME!* Sheepy: Holmes: Hmm. Arsé-kun: Mori: Do you find that bird interesting, detective? Sheepy: Holmes: I just don't see birds like it very often. Sheepy: Holmes: Yet, despite that, I feel like I know it. Like it's familiar... Arsé-kun: Mori: That sounds like a personal problem. Am I, your apparently dutiful Watson, dismissed? Sheepy: Holmes: Huh? Oh, yes, go ahead. Arsé-kun: Mori: Thank god. *he scoops up Satoru* We've got evil villain research to do. Sheepy: Satoru: Really? I get to join? Arsé-kun: Mori: Why wouldn't you? There's no math involved this time, I assure you. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: *and as they go to raid Medusa's library, Mozart yells dumb things. He must be with Gil, streaming. Or, y'know, doing anything else, because this is MOZART* Arsé-kun: Mozart: This is downright terrible, I say! Dear Watson, let us instead go on an adventure! A butthole sniffing adventure! C'mooon! Arsé-kun: Mozart: Wait, wait, hold your applause! I have the best possible plan! *a brief pause* No, listen! I've heard a certain someone complain about this game before! The man himself, complaining about it? The views would be glorious! C'mooooooooon, Gil, Ant! Lets go on an adventure! It would be, as they say, the shit! Sheepy: Salieri: *He takes his eyes off of the desktop he's working at and just stares at Mozart* Sheepy: Gil: You mean Holmes? Arsé-kun: Mozart: I absolutely do! Sheepy: Gil: Hm. We should go get him... it would be entertaining. Arsé-kun: Mozart: I'd absolutely love to hear his commentary about this so-called game. Sheepy: Salieri: It's not too bad. Arsé-kun: Mozart: The soundtrack is fine, I suppose. Sheepy: Salieri: The gameplay doesn't look that ba- Sheepy: Holmes: It's that game, isn't it? Arsé-kun: Lance: *he has also just arrived. He's a mess, having just pulled off his armor and came in like that. Classy!* ?? Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, it could've been the good one, you should play the good one. You know, I've played that one before, for five hours. Arsé-kun: Mozart: We certainly do now! Do you care to elaborate, Gnolmes? Sheepy: Holmes: I still stand by my angry, broken self's statement that whoever decided to put frame perfect quick time events about climbing up a chimney and having to clean SOOT for some unknown reason as you do, causing you to inevitably suffocate one of the baker street kids over and over again... Sheepy: Holmes:...As you get to the end but he just suffocates because you took .01 seconds too long... Sheepy: Holmes: As it taunts you with a skip button, only to throw you into ANOTHER quick time event with no instructions about cleaning shoes for SOME reason???? and then you inevitably fail because there's no instructions and taking too long causes your suspicion meter go up to one level below max, only to throw you immediately into a stalking minigame once more where you're very easily seen but your suspicion is max so you have to start over repeatedly with almost max stamina thanks to the shoe cleaning quick time event has NEVER played a game in their life!!! Arsé-kun: Lance: ..... Soooo you need a very high IQ to understand this game..? Sheepy: Holmes: Oh! Oh nono! It's not the segments where you play as me at all! It's the baker street kids! Sheepy: Holmes: I'm not one to brag, but people call me the greatest detective! Why does it take three hours to track ONE PERSON??? How hard can it be! Tracking one single man! Not hard at all, yes? Sheepy: Holmes: Until you get beat up by the same three bullies fifty times because the game doesn't TELL you you can open doors! Most of them don't work! Oh, and if you enter the door people get suspicious but you can't explore nor get your bearings because if you take your eyes off of the man you're following a countdown starts and you get a game over after TWO SECONDS. Arsé-kun: *Lance heads across the room and shifts a camera, so Holmes is actually in the frame* Arsé-kun: Mozart: That's.... Certainly matching up with some of this gameplay.. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, no, all you have to do to play my segments is just wander around aimlessly with no information on what to even do until you miraculously come upon some piece of evidence because you only just then learn that I can perceive things after you retrace your steps thirty times! No thanks to the game creator who doesn't tell you this!!! Sheepy: Holmes: No, apparently, I just DON'T have eyes! Arsé-kun: *Angra peers in. Who is yelling? Who wants vengeance? Who be* Sheepy: Holmes: I have to hit a button to suddenly be able to use them! And there's two different buttons, imagination and perceive, but imagination doesn't seem to do anything at all! Am I just not imaginative!? Sheepy: Holmes: By normal human vision, no one can see that this shirt has pockets. Sheepy: Holmes: It takes a true master detective's GENIUS perception to reveal that not only does it have pockets... Sheepy: Holmes: Maybe...just perhaps...bear with me, this is a huge stretch of logic.. Sheepy: Holmes: I could maybe...just maybe put my hand IN the pocket...and by pure luck perhaps there's something inside. But remember! Only TRUE detectives can have this eureka moment! Sheepy: Holmes: And only when they're twenty feet away. Arsé-kun: *Mozart has scrunched up his face and is hiding his barely-suppressed grin behind his fist. He's trying so, so hard not to laugh* Arsé-kun: *Lance's face is, has been, and will continue to be the emotional representation of text to speech saying "Wot"* Sheepy: Salieri: Huh. Sheepy: Holmes: "Oh, Holmes!" You must be thinking, "you're being so critical! You only played it for five hours! That doesn't sound too bad!" That's where you're wrong, my dear Watson! That! Is where you're wrong! Sheepy: Holmes: I'm being very kind. Sheepy: Holmes: I didn't even complain about where it expects you to be ambidextrous. Sheepy: Holmes: It's fair that it's used in a balance segment. Sheepy: Holmes: Which rushes you. Sheepy: Holmes: But it's also used in a segment where I LISTEN to people? Sheepy: Holmes: If you aren't ambidextrous, you're deaf! Sheepy: Holmes: You just magically go deaf because you can't control two circles moving in random directions! Sheepy: Holmes: And last but not least... Sheepy: Holmes: You can't pet Toby. Arsé-kun: Angra: Atrocious. Sheepy: Holmes: I would accept everything else if Toby could be pet. Sheepy: Holmes: But that's the deal breaker. I knew it was going to be horrible when I learned that Toby couldn't be pet but not that bad! Sheepy: Salieri: Huh. Arsé-kun: Angra: Today we learned games are bad if you cant pet the dog. Sheepy: Gil: *He...starts cackling.* Arsé-kun: *Mozart also breaks down and starts howling with laughter. He tried so hard.* Sheepy: Holmes:? What? Arsé-kun: Lance: .... *he shrugs* I'm... Still figuring out the first part of that. Sheepy: Holmes: First part? Sheepy: *Salieri turns his attention back on his pudding cup* Arsé-kun: Lance: Yyyyou lost me at soot and shoes. Sheepy: Holmes: Don't worry about it. Sherlock Holmes: Nemesis is better, but Arsene Lupin is not my nemesis. Sheepy: Holmes: He's a good person. Arsé-kun: Angra: Aaaand that's gonna be on the internet now! Kekeke! *he leans into frame to dab. Angra. Angra no.* Sheepy: Holmes: Hm? Arsé-kun: Angra: You don't know about the internet? Huh. Sheepy: Holmes: I do. Arsé-kun: Angra: When a man compliments another man, someone inevitably draws porn of it! Sheepy: Holmes:....Hmm? Sheepy: Holmes: You're joking. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he sulks* No! Why would I, the world's evils, lie about the internet?! Sheepy: Holmes: Because you can. Arsé-kun: Angra: I'll, uh, counter-detective you! I'll give you screenshots and links. I'll, uh.... Saturday morning cartoon villain threat at you! Sheepy: Holmes: But how do they know what Lupin looks like? Arsé-kun: Angra: They can just guess! Like how they guess everyone's dick size! Sheepy: Holmes:...What Arsé-kun: Angra: The internet is really, really great! For porn! ~♪ *and mozart starts laughing again* Sheepy: Holmes: What? Arsé-kun: Angra: Huh. You were serious? Go detective the internet or something. Sheepy: Holmes: Why? Arsé-kun: Angra: *he shrugs* I dunno, but it sure sounded good! Arsé-kun: Angra: Anyway, since this villain has been permitted to speak, I'd like to make a humble, harmless request! Sheepy: Holmes: What? Arsé-kun: Angra: Oh, I meant to the King, but.. *he pokes at one of Holmes' magnifying glasses* How's this work? What are you, Inspector Gadget? Sheepy: Holmes: ...Hm? Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, mind control. Arsé-kun: Angra: Neat! Sheepy: Holmes: Is that all? (Is that how it works...?) Arsé-kun: Angra: Nope! *he goes and LICKS the glass before going to harass Gil. Ya nasty* Arsé-kun: *Holmes gets a very quiet reply of "How would I know..?". No one else seems to hear it. Not even Mozart.* Sheepy: Holmes: (How do I clean that...) Sheepy: Holmes: (Gross.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (Figure it out in the morning.) Sheepy: Holmes: (How helpful you are!) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (The last time I was asked that, I... Don't recall what I suggested. My son called me a Useless Lesbian. Am I a lesbian? Is that a type of plant?) Arsé-kun: *the source of sherlocks iq loss is coming from inside the sherlock!* Sheepy: Holmes: (A lesbian is a woman who likes women.) Sheepy: Holmes: (...Right?) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (Why are you asking me?? Read a book with your eyes!) Sheepy: Holmes: (You have more!) Sheepy: Holmes: (...I'm assuming.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (Tell me how many work! I'm going back to sleep. Wake me up... llllater.) Sheepy: Holmes: (Fine, fine.) Arsé-kun: Angra: -- C'mon, it's nearly the spooky day! Horror! Play the horrible game! Sheepy: Gil: No! Sheepy: Salieri: *He's ignoring what's going on in favor of pudding.* Arsé-kun: *Mozart has wrapped a pillow around his head (and ears) but is watching this all happen* Sheepy: Gil: If you want to consume trash, you consume it yourself! Don't be a weakling who can't even face his own challenges, mongrel! Arsé-kun: Angra: You've got the controller! A lowly peon like me isn't worthy of touching the gold controller! Sheepy: Gil: Hah. Haha. Kuhahahahaha! Sheepy: Gil: What a fool you are! Sheepy: Gil: Do you think that that kind of flattery will make me play this game!? Pah! You disappoint me again and again, Avenger! Arsé-kun: Angra: Fantastic! Then I'll take that as permission to do so myself! *and he reaches for the controller, actively draping as much of himself as he can over Gil to do so.* Sheepy: Gil: Don't touch me, you're gross! Arsé-kun: Angra: Then hand it over! Sheepy: Gil: No! Sheepy: Gil: Buy your own! Arsé-kun: Angra: With what?? All the curses of the world doesn't earn me shit! Sheepy: Gil: Have you considered ever getting a job? Arsé-kun: Angra: ... ...Nope! Arsé-kun: Angra: If you don't like that answer, here's a few more! *ahem.* I have, but I'll kill everyone! Or... I'm heavily cursed with incompetence. Arsé-kun: Angra: There's an entire slew of jokes about human racism somewhere around here! *and he "searches" the room* And who's gonna hire a kid with no experience? Sheepy: Gil: Wcdonalds. Arsé-kun: Angra: That's too easy to fuck up! ... And I don't think they want mud on their uniforms! Arsé-kun: Angra: .... But I'll think about it! Sheepy: Gil: Fine. *LATER* ~ The loud thunk of something heavy falling over.

The hollow clacking of empty metal cans rolling across the concrete driveway. The excited laughter of a man who had discovered this afternoon’s dinner - a laugh of joy more fitting of an explorer who had discovered the treasure that he had spent his life seeking, but to this ratty manslayer, nothing, past, present, nor future could be as valuable as the untouched, forgotten lunchmeat from the back of the fridge that was eventually discovered and tossed due to potentially containing unimaginable horrors of bacteria.

These were the sounds that accompanied the Gushiken residence’s uninvited guest.  He held up the mystery meat to his mouth, not bothered by its unusual color.  He took a bite and hummed.  Ah, protein- ah, meat- delicious meat.  He went to take another bite, only to hear the sound of footsteps slowly approach him.  He reached for his sword and twisted around, pointing it at the face of the intruder.  The blade, however, met nothing.  Izou hesitantly looked down, only to be met by...

“Hi, does that taste good?” Satoru blankly stared at the strange man.

“Ain’t you juss a lil’ pipsqueak!” Izou slurred out his words, a drunken grin spread across his face, bending down to Satoru’s level, “What, are’ya th one I got to thank for lunch?  Yeahyeah, it’s like a bite of heaven or sum’n!  Whatever that phrase is, you know it, yeah?”

Satoru blinked, unfazed by the man who attempted to kill him two seconds prior.  He tilted his head, getting a better look at the manslayer, “are you hungry?  We have better food inside, but if you want to eat that, that’s fine too.”

“Oi, kiddo, I ssspent all I got at that casino everyone’s goin’ on about, so don’t expect me to pay you nothing.  Spent the rest I had on a bottle of sake, but that’s all gone!  Fuhaha~” Izou laughed at his own misfortune, “Oho!  I’ve got it!  If I steal you away and hold your parents ransom, that’ll get me a good amount of sake and I’ll win the jackpot!  I saw somethin’ about that on those television things.”

“So, pipsqueak, you know bout that, right?”  He tilted his head, copying Satoru’s body language.  “I don’t know -“ he paused, stopping himself from cursing.  He might be a manslayer, but he also knows not to curse in front of children, “I don’t know stuff about...stuff.  So we could work together!  You be the brains, I be the evil villain, and in the end I get loads of cash to use in stupid ways!  So, whaddya say, partner?”  Izou puffed out his chest, proud of his plan, and held out his hand.

“I have to ask my parents first.  Is that okay?  Also, I have to get back by 3:00 because my favorite show is at at time,” Satoru replied.

“Eh?  Yeah, sure.  I can even come with you.  Here, let’s go together to ask!” Izou chirped, shooting upwards from his squatting position and taking Satoru’s hand, dragging him towards the front door.

Being lead inside by the dirty, unkempt assassin- now an intruder to boot - Satoru glanced around, looking for his family.  Loud barking began the second Izou set foot into the house, and a certain Lancer's voice rung through the air. "Oi, Satoru!  How many time do I have to tell you NOT to bring in door to door salesman?  This is the fifth time this week!  We aren't buying!  Leave!" Cu shouted angrily, his shrieks being heard throughout the house.

"Cu, this ruffly man asked if I could let him kidnap me so you could pay ransom.  Is that okay?"  Satoru asked, deadpan.

Cu's eyes widened in surprised, his mouth agape.  Did he hear that right?  He couldn't have heard that right, right?  How could his Master be so stupid- how could a kidnapper be so stupid?  "K-Kiddo, you can't just...  Listen, I don't know who you are or what you want, but if you think you can touch my Master with your grubby hands, you've got another thing coming!"  Cu summoned Gae Bolg to his side.

"Are you making fun of me?  I'm dirty and covered in trash but ain't grubby!"  Izou snapped out of his drunken state upon seeing the glimmer of the red spear, "if you're making fun of me, I'll KILL you, you stupid, smart man!"  Izou barked viciously, readying his blade.

Satoru sat down on the floor, watching the two men ready themselves to fight.  He discovered a piece of pocket lint in his pocket and began to inspect it, tuning out the sounds of combat as their weapons clashed.  Eventually, Gilgamesh strolled in with a bottle of wine, drinking out of it as he plopped down next to Satoru.

"Hmhm, this is quite the deadbeat you've brought in today, Cursed Child," Gilgamesh smirked.

"He's trying to kidnap me and hold me for ransom so I asked Cu if it was okay and he got angry for some reason-" Satoru was cut off by Gilgamesh's cackling. - Suddenly overpowering Gilgamesh's laughter and the clashing of weapons was a set of enraged screams. Barely containing himself, Lancelot tore his way into the fight, easily taking ahold of the Gae Bulg and turning it against it's owner. "Hey, you stay out of this! This is between us-!" Cu tried to warn, ducking right before the Gae Bulg became one with the wall.

With Cu now preoccupied, the Mad Dog whirled around to face Izou, only to be nearly cut wide open. Snarling and spitting blood from Izou's attempt, Lancelot lunged for Izou's blade, pushing Izou himself aside. Taking it in his claws as easily as the Gae Bulg, Lancelot... Ran off with it, howling some distorted victory cry and utterly trashing the door frame. ~ Arsé-kun: Herc: .... .... *he's just standing there, ominously.* Sheepy: Izou: GIVE THAT BACK! Sheepy: Izou: GIVE IT BACK! IT'S MY PARTNER! GIVE IT BACK! STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME! I HATE IT! I HATE YOU! IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU Arsé-kun: *Herc groans and grabs Cu by the back of his shirt* Sheepy: Cu: NononONONO Arsé-kun: *.. And places Cu on his shoulder before (very, VERY easily) pulling the gae bulg out of the wall. Here you go, dog, this is your stick* Sheepy: *Cu snatches it away and huffs* Arsé-kun: Herc: *Grunt.* *and he runs out with Cu, chasing down Izou and Lancelot. He's got at least one of Cu's legs secured, it's ok* Sheepy: Cu: Wait, wait, hold on, where are we going!? Arsé-kun: Herc: ▃▅▅▅! *cu, i dont know what you expected.* Sheepy: Cu: ...........*Stare* Arsé-kun: *Thankfully, both Izou and Lancelot are easy to track down. They're both screaming. They're running circles around the house(s)* Arsé-kun: *and here's Lance again, skidding around the corner on all fours. He's still got the sword.* Sheepy: *Izou is chasing after him at top speed, screaming at the top of his lungs. STOP LAUGHING AT ME STOPSTOPSTOP I HATE YOU* Arsé-kun: *Herc reaches up and grabs Cu's arm. Grunt? y/n?* Sheepy: Cu: Wh-what are you doing? Arsé-kun: *Herc points to the two yelling servants as they round the corner again* Sheepy: Cu: Yeah, yeah, sure, I can hit them. Sheepy: *Cu readies Gae Bolg* Arsé-kun: *As soon as the servants enter sight, Heracles tosses Cu. Combination Noble Phantasm: Boomelancer- Spinning Assault Blue Lancer!* Sheepy: Cu: I'M COMING FOR YOUR HEART! GAE....BOLG! *He launches Gae Bolg at the two!* Arsé-kun rolled a die. The die showed: 6 Arsé-kun rolled a die. The die showed: 6 Arsé-kun: *Izou is instantly impaled! Lance panics and veers to the side, but the Gae Bulg zips right after him! Two for two! Double kill!* Sheepy: Izou: AAAUGH!? AAAUUUGH! My heart! My heart! *He coughs up blood* Why!? He...he was laughing at me! He was laughing at me! Stop it...! Sheepy: Cu: *He sticks the landing, skidding to a stop.* Arsé-kun: Lance: *he whines, dropping the sword and looking down* Sheepy: Izou: *He's clutching his chest, weakly clambering for his beloved sword upon hearing it drop.* Arsé-kun: *Herc lumbers over and plops a hand on Cu's head. Good job, dog.* Sheepy: Cu: *He jumps a bit before understanding what the headpat means.* Hey, good job to you too, pal! *He flashes Herc a huge grin.* Arsé-kun: *Herc grins back!* Sheepy: Izou: *He pulls his sword close to himself before finally collapsing all together, blood pooling to the ground.* Arsé-kun: Lance: *he plops down next to Izou and pouts. Adult.* Sheepy: Satoru: Uncle Lance? Did he bully you? Arsé-kun: Lance: N... Non.. Sheepy: Satoru: He seems nice. Sheepy: Cu:....Uh, Pal, maybe wait for a bit to visit Lancelot, alright? Sheepy: Satoru: Did you know? He came in because he was going to steal me for ransom money. We came in to ask my parents about it but Cu started beating him up for some reason. Arsé-kun: Lance: .... mmmmhm. Arsé-kun: *And out comes Minako, absolutely beyond angry. Words she probably learned from Hyde are put to FANTASTIC use. Satoru, don't listen.* Sheepy: Satoru: *He backs off. Angry people are scary.* Sheepy: Cu: Yo. Arsé-kun: Minako: What the fuck? Whose idea was this? *she kicks Herc in the shin. 0 damage. He ignores it entirely* Sheepy: Cu: Well, they were both equally in the wrong. Arsé-kun: Minako: Agh, forget it! You guys are on anti-Gil duty now! *she presses her seals and mutters under her breath. Lancelot is healed in exchange for three (3) command seals!* Sheepy: Cu: He's your Servant. Sheepy: Cu: Not mine. Sheepy: Satoru: But what about my friend? Arsé-kun: Minako: If he comes after anybody in your half, it's your problem-- Huh? *she looks to Izou* I can pop a First Aid, but that's about it..! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: *And she casts first aid! It... Doesn't help much* Sheepy: *Izou shivers some but doesn't stand.* Sheepy: Cu: Well, now what? Sheepy: Satoru: I want to help. Arsé-kun: *Herc looks back at the house and activates his own Guts, like he expects something* Sheepy: Satoru: But how? Arsé-kun: Minako: Maybe he'll join you? That's how I got Jekyll.. *she's watching the glitter. from Izou. we know what that means.* Sheepy: Satoru: *He slowly approaches Izou* Here, if you want to live, make a contract with me. Sheepy: Izou: *He clumsily reaches out and grabs Satoru's outstretched hand. The contract has been made!* Arsé-kun: *and just like that, the glittering stops! .. Izou is still bleeding out, but his spirit origin is intact! And that's what counts!* Sheepy: Izou: Aaaahhh... Heck, I didn't mean to come out here and get a new Master! I'm just starving....! Arsé-kun: Minako: Then come in and chow down. At least, before someone else does! Sheepy: Izou: *He weakly stands, clenching his teeth.* Arsé-kun: *Lance just watches, with his not-red visor.* Arsé-kun: *Herc goes to help Lance up, but Lance pushes his hand away. So he grabs Lance by the ponytail before picking up Izou with his free arm. He is Helping!* Sheepy: Izou: Uh?! Sheepy: Izou: What are you doing? I can walk myself! Arsé-kun: *Herc ignores him. We know it's ignorance because he looks somewhere else before starting to lumber back inside.* Sheepy: *Satoru follows behind Herc, Cu rushing after him in case Herc decides to back up for any reason.* Arsé-kun: *and Mink takes up the rear, not excited to see her other servants realizing she's got no seals at the moment.* Arsé-kun: Hans: *he wasn't there when they went outside. He showed up JUST to see what's going on* We need more rat traps. Sheepy: Satoru: Hi, Andersen. Sheepy: Satoru: I made a new friend today. Sheepy: Satoru: He wanted to steal me away and hold my parents ransom so I came in to ask about that. Sheepy: Satoru: He joined me and then Cu started beating him up for some reason. Arsé-kun: Hans: I see this. Congratulations on your new dog. Do you want a repeat with you-know-who? That's what it would lead to. *he shrugs* Sheepy: Satoru: I wouldn't like that very much. Sheepy: Izou: Are you making fun of me...? Arsé-kun: Hans: Nope, but I can do that if you'd like. Free of charge. Sheepy: Izou: Don't! I hate it when people make fun of me! Sheepy: Izou: They talk about stuff I don't get and nobody ever explains it to me! They act all smart and then leave me out because I'm dumb. Sheepy: Izou: So if you make fun of me, I'll cut you down! Arsé-kun: Hans: Brave of you to admit your own faults. How noble of you! But yes, I can understand that type of frustration. Sheepy: Izou:...Huh? Sheepy: Izou: *He tilts his head* ...? Sheepy: Izou: I must not be fully sober, 'cause I thought you complimented me...no one ever does that! Arsé-kun: Hans: People nowadays try to insist they're perfect, so someone freely admitting things they hate is refreshing! Do you want to get less sober? I can arrange for that! Arsé-kun: *hans is smirking. oh no.* Sheepy: Izou: Oh, oh man! This is paradise! I like it here! I get to have booze and people are nice to me!!! Sheepy: Izou: I knew that was the right trashcan to eat out of! Arsé-kun: Hans: *he glances up to Cu and just nods. He acknowledges you but has no insults for you. This is repeated for Herc. And then he kicks Lancelot.* You sad sack of shit, own up to your own behavior before I buy you a muzzle. Sheepy: Satoru: It's okay, Uncle Lance. Everyone has their bad days. But if you get sad and do nothing about it, it won't help anything. Sheepy: Satoru: Truly improving takes acknowledging your faults and working hard to fix them. That's really hard to do but I believe in you. Arsé-kun: Lance: .... .... Did that first one already. Arsé-kun: Hans: Saber! *he raises his voice a notch* Come get your sad husband! He's pouting on the carpets again! Sheepy: Bedi, from another room: That's normal! I'm coming, Merlin!! Arsé-kun: Hans: ...Not you! Unless your husband is a Berserker now? Sheepy: Bedi: No, he isn't, sorry! Arsé-kun: Hans: Well, you're up now! Please get the other Saber! Sheepy: Bedi: Okay, I'll be right back! Sheepy: Tristan: *He walks in and plops down near Lancelot* You need to be beautiful to be sad all the time. Arsé-kun: Hans: Good god, why is everyone but the right person showing up? Sheepy: Tristan: I'm always the right person to go to. *He changes his position to a sexy pose* I'm that beautiful. Arsé-kun: *Herc moves out of the way for them* Sheepy: Bedi: I'm here too if you need me. Arsé-kun: Lance: *he looks up at them, goes to get up, and ends up back on his ass. pain hurts* Sheepy: *Guin comes over and sits down next to Lance* Sheepy: *Tristan changes his pose once more.*. Sheepy: Tristan: It's hard being so perfect. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he shows up in the doorway before diving and sliiiiiding over in a perfect French Girl pose* :D Sheepy: Tristan: Oh dear, it's competition. Arsé-kun: Merlin: No, it's Merlin! Arsé-kun: Hans: .... Lets move this somewhere else. *and he climbs onto Herc's shoulder* Sheepy: Bedi:...Is this how we're cheering him up...? Arsé-kun: Merlin: By being silly? Sure, why not? It's effective more often than not! *he rolls over and extends a leg. he looks ridiculous. hes almost wrapped in his own hair. merlin* Sheepy: Bedi: W-well, if that's the case- I will assist you as best as I can! Sheepy: Satoru: *He reaches to take Herc's hand. Let's walk together!* Arsé-kun: *Herc allows this, and waits for Minako to grab on before exiting scene* Arsé-kun: Hans: So... Were you going to tell us you used all of your seals? Arsé-kun: Minako: Nope! Sheepy: Satoru: Seals? Where? Sheepy: Satoru: I saw some at the zoo. Arsé-kun: *Mink holds up her hand for Satoru to see. Those red tattoos are mostly gone!* Sheepy: Satoru: You got the sharpie off. Arsé-kun: Minako: 's not sharpie. It's magic! They help keep servants under control, like HYDE... Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Arsé-kun: Hans: So, we're doomed for like 24 hours. Arsé-kun: Hans: ... Not actually. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: So the seals made Holmes stupid? Arsé-kun: Minako: Nope, that's just him being special. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Hans: The point that should be made here is that, if this is realized, some of us may begin to be obnoxious. I personally plan to be blackout drunk for the duration. Sheepy: Satoru: Why? Arsé-kun: Hans: To avoid it all and because I need a break. Sheepy: Satoru: That's understandable. You work hard. Arsé-kun: Minako: And I'd allow it anyway! *she tries to reach up and pat Hans. Can't reach.* I'm more worried about the other guys. Gil and Proto, anyway. Sheepy: Satoru: Why Proto? Arsé-kun: Minako: If he panics and spasms, it's... Probably going to do damage. To Gil. Specifically. Arsé-kun: Minako: And by extension, KoGil might get hit. ... Oh, but I don't know if he'll try anything. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Arsé-kun: Hans: The moral of the story is that some of us are on a tighter leash than yours. Without that leash, we don't know what they're going to do. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Hans: You're so okay with it. Master should take tips from you. Sheepy: Satoru: Why? Arsé-kun: Hans: *he sighs* She expects them to start fighting again the minute they realize it. I've seen it happen before, but we now have at least ten more meatshields. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Sheepy: Satoru: Dad is strong. Dad can help. Arsé-kun: Hans: And it would be great if he did. He is easily the best Liz-wrangler I've ever seen. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. I'll ask him. Arsé-kun: Minako: Thanks! Sheepy: *Satoru heads off to find Vlad.* Arsé-kun: *Vlad is, of course, in the basement, finishing up on someone's costume and kicking Carmilla off the table for the 15th time that hour* Sheepy: Satoru: *He walks over and sits down next to Vlad.* Arsé-kun: Vlad: Good evening. Who was screaming? Sheepy: Satoru: The guy eating out of our trashcan. He's my friend now. Sheepy: Satoru: We came looking for you because he wanted to kidnap me for ransom money, but Cu beat him up. Sheepy: Satoru: It's okay though. He's better now. Arsé-kun: *Vlad contemplates this information. He's not happy about it, but he also isn't complaining* Sheepy: Satoru: Hercules has him currently. Arsé-kun: Vlad: .... I'll have to meet him later, then. Sheepy: Satoru: Uhuh. Sheepy: Satoru: He was eating the meat from the back of the fridge. Sheepy: Satoru: He smells bad. Arsé-kun: Vlad: ..... ... I'll keep that in mind. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Vlad: ... So would you like your costume now or later? Sheepy: Satoru: Any time is fine. Arsé-kun: Vlad: If you so insist. *he removes a carefully folded bundle from under the table* Sheepy: Satoru: What's that? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Your costume. Go ahead and unfold it. Sheepy: *Satoru does as suggested.* Arsé-kun: *it's a copy of moriarty's coat.. suit, thing! also, detailed schematics fall out of it.* Sheepy: Satoru: .......! Arsé-kun: Vlad: *he looks nervous for a moment, not sure what to make of Satoru's silence* Arsé-kun: *Then he recalls who, exactly, he is dealing with.* Sheepy: *A huge smile spreads across his face! Satoru can smile???* Arsé-kun: Vlad: I'm glad you like it. Sheepy: Satoru: Yes. Thank you. Arsé-kun: Vlad: You're very welcome. *he lightly pats Satoru's head* Sheepy: Satoru: *He's marvelling at the costume...* Arsé-kun: *Vlad is softly smiling. Satoru is so happy! He loves it.*

[bad-draft-stuff]

Fate Goes (and does some stuff i guess)

MmmmMMMMMM

Sheepy: Yan Qing: Hey, hey, Holmes~ What do you and grapefruit have in common? Sheepy: Holmes: …That there’s the misconception that we’re sour, but we can both be sweet? Sheepy: Yan Qing: I’m gonna put a knife in both~! Ahahahahaha!

Arsé-kun: Mori: See, this type of behavior is why you’re so difficult to factor for. Sheepy: Yan: But that’s good! Sheepy: Yan: That way, I can confuse the enemy! Sheepy: Holmes: You confuse us, too… Sheepy: Yan: Ex-act-ly! Sheepy: Holmes: Are you saying we, two sides of one coin, are both your enemies? Sheepy: Yan: Ahahahahahahaha~ Sheepy: Holmes: Professor, you really should get a better minion. Arsé-kun: Mori: This isn’t mine. I want no attachments to either part of this. Sheepy: Yan: Aaaaaaaawww! Sheepy: Yan: Old Man, you’re breaking my heart! Arsé-kun: Mori: Do you have one of those? Sheepy: Yan: Well? Do you? Arsé-kun: Mori: You tell me. Sheepy: Yan: Will you? Sheepy: Yan: Will you have one? Sheepy: Yan: Depends on if you betray me! Arsé-kun: Mori: Go find somewhere else to blow off steam. Sheepy: Yan: Eh!? Sheepy: Yan: But we’re friends! Aren’t we? I wanna spend time with you! Sheepy: Yan: So lemme spend time with you! Sheepy: Holmes: What do you consider bonding? Sheepy: Yan: My morals are telling me “getting drunk together”, buuuuuut my brain is telling me “mutual crime and friendly threats”! Oh, I mean them, of course, so don’t worry about me lying. I am no liar! Arsé-kun: Mori: …. So what it is you mean to say is “Get off your butts, you old coots! Lets go commit larceny!”, yes? Sheepy: Yan: Yes, especially that old part! Sheepy: Yan: You’re, like, what, 40? Wowow! So old! Arsé-kun: Mori: You’re older than we are! We should be calling you our drunk grandfather! Sheepy: Yan: Eeeeeeeeh!? Sheepy: Yan: Heyhey, I’ve only had one~! Sheepy: Yan: ………..What size, I won’t divulge. Sheepy: Yan: I wouldn’t be allowed to drive~ Sheepy: Yan: But yet, here I am, Sheepy: Yan: Driving you crazy! Arsé-kun: *This pun is Clown-Approved.* Sheepy: Holmes: Please leave. Sheepy: Yan: Old Man, Old Man, I’m being bullied by this slightly younger old man! Sheepy: Holmes: My joints work perfectly - almost as sharply as my mind, in fact. Arsé-kun: Mori: The “almost” is what gives me questions. Sheepy: Yan: One’s mind works faster than their body in an ideal situation. Sheepy: Holmes: One’s mind works faster than their body in an ideal situation. Arsé-kun: Mori: And you’ve got extensions, you arachnid. Sheepy: Holmes: And, of course, I don’t want them. Arsé-kun: Mori: Then hand them over- I’ll make more use of them than you ever will. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh really? Arsé-kun: Mori: Have you no creativity left in your skull? Think of how much you can do with extra limbs! Sheepy: Holmes: *His extra mechanical limbs are twitching absentmindedly with an accompanying soft mechanical whirring noise…* Oh, like what? Sheepy: Holmes: They are good as weapons but get in the way when I try to sleep. Arsé-kun: Mori: Whatever you so desire to do. Why would I simply tell you? Sheepy: Holmes: Because you clearly want me to do something more than I already am. Sheepy: Holmes: And the fact that you want them clearly shows that you don’t know how weirdly uncomfortable they feel. Sheepy: Holmes: Do you want to know how they feel? Arsé-kun: Mori: … Actually, yes. Tell me in your own words. Sheepy: Holmes: You know when you’ve gotten a shot? How the needle feels, oh so briefly, in your arm? That slight bit of pressure that you feel lasts an eternity but lasts for less than a blink of an eye? Sheepy: Holmes: It’s that, except it doesn’t end. Arsé-kun: Mori: … So it’s essentially intravenous.. Sheepy: Holmes: I suppose so. Sheepy: Holmes: It’s just present enough that I can’t ignore it most of the time. Sheepy: Holmes: And with that knowledge, do you really want it? Arsé-kun: Mori: With that knowledge, I think I’ll make my own. I don’t want your druggy blood needles touching me. Arsé-kun: Mori: I’d like to examine it at a later date, but I can’t promise I won’t fiddle with it- Oh? You still desire entertainment from me? Sheepy: Holmes: I could literally die of boredom if I don’t have anything of interest to think about. Arsé-kun: Mori: It’s that simple?? Sheepy: Holmes: What’s simple? Arsé-kun: Mori: I can simply refuse you entertainment until you die if I so desired. Sheepy: Holmes: As I said, I use them so I won’t die of boredom. Sheepy: Yan: Oh, Old Man, why d’ya want him to die? Arsé-kun: Mori: Your reasoning is flawed. At what point did I say that? I would lose my entertainment as well. Sheepy: Yan: You pointed out that you could kill him at any time through boring him to death Arsé-kun: Mori: And you could stab yourself at any time. Having the ability to do something does not mean you will go through with it! Sheepy: Yan: Oh? Oh? Sheepy: Yan: Well, do you want me to? Sheepy: Yan: I’ll be like a really handsome grapefruit~ Sheepy: Yan: Eheheheheh~ Sheepy: Yan: You’re safe, though, because I like you! Orange you glad we’re friends? Sheepy: Holmes: Are you bored? Sheepy: Yan: Of course Sheepy: Yan: Old Man, let’s do something fun! Arsé-kun: Mori: Define “fun” for this occasion. Sheepy: Yan: Hah? Sheepy: Yan: You know what’s fun. Sheepy: Yan: Let’s impersonate people to embarrass them! Arsé-kun: Mori: On such short notice? Sheepy: Yan: Huh? Arsé-kun: Mori: … Wait, don’t speak. I’m formulating a plan. Sheepy: Yan: *He makes a motion like he’s zipping his mouth shut* Arsé-kun: Mori: We’re going to need a large amount of fabric and a touch of magecraft. Except you, Yan. You can handle it fine. Sheepy: Yan: Eh? Me? Sheepy: Yan: I’m special! Aw, my ma always said I was special! She was the only one who ever did! Sheepy: Holmes: *He’s in his traditional thinking pose - his eyes closed and his hands in a pose similar to praying.* Arsé-kun: Mori: And now we wait. Sheepy: Holmes: I’m just wondering who you mean. Arsé-kun: Mori: Why would I suggest magecraft as a need rather than a nice addition? Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, so- Sheepy: Yan: It’s Lobo, right? Lobo! Arsé-kun: Mori: No, that would get us all killed. Sheepy: Yan: Oh! Oh! Sheepy: Yan: Me~! Arsé-kun: Mori: Wrong again. Sheepy: Yan: But to be as handsome as me, you gotta use magic. Arsé-kun: Mori: Hmm.. I doubt that. Sheepy: Yan: Ohoh, or as lucky! Arsé-kun: Mori: There’s no such thing as luck. It’s all statistics. Sheepy: Yan: …… Sheepy: Yan: *He fake-sneezes into his arm* Sheepy: Yan: Ssssooooo~rrryyyy, I’m allergic to stupid comments! Sheepy: Yan: I’m just gonna act like I didn’t hear that! Lalala! Sing the stupid away! Arsé-kun: Mori: You understand whom I was referring to, right Holmes? Sheepy: Holmes: Yes. Arsé-kun: Mori: Then shall we get started? Arsé-kun: Mori: This one can catch up when he figures it out. Sheepy: Yan: Eeeeeeh! I got it! Sheepy: Yan: It’s the tiny gremlin! Now, don’t throw me out! Sheepy: Yan: I wanna join! Arsé-kun: Mori: Now when was it suggested you would be thrown out? And no, it is not the writer. Sheepy: Yan: ….Oh! I’ve got it! Sheepy: Yan: You wanna be Hessian! Well, I’ll decapitate you for free! Arsé-kun: Mori: Actually, while we are at it.. You gain the memory of the person you are copying, correct? There’s something I want you, specifically, to do while we’re at it. Sheepy: Yan: What? Arsé-kun: Mori: I’ll tell you later. Sheepy: Yan: Ohhhkaaaayyy! Arsé-kun: *(Questionably) Evil plan, starto!* Sheepy: Yan: *He’s uncomfortably patting at where his head used to be…* Arsé-kun: Mori: What’s it like? Sheepy: Yan: *He picks up the closest piece of paper and starts madly scribbling* Sheepy: Yan: “I have no sense of balance, everything feels unreal, and I can’t hear them anymore” Arsé-kun: Mori: That last one is an improvement. Sit down, too. *he pats the next seat over* Sheepy: Yan: *He clumsily sits down next to Mori* Arsé-kun: Mori: *he returns to focusing on Rider’s coat imitation- Sherlock can do his OWN, dammit.* While you wait for us, see if you can find any worthwhile information. A name to attach that isn’t “Soldier” would be fantastic. Sheepy: Yan: ….. Arsé-kun: *Moriarty earns his well-deserved silence. For once. Finally. It will last about five minutes. Maybe. That’s Probably all he needs.* Sheepy: *Holmes is focused on his costume, meanwhile.* Arsé-kun: *It’s so quiet, Mozart could probably hear them sewing. Probably.* Arsé-kun: *and then the door creaks as it slooooowly opens. Nobody is there! Spooky!* Sheepy: Holmes: *he looks up* Hm? Arsé-kun: Mori: … *he whips fabric at the doorway, and sighs when it lands on someone unseen* Can we help you, Dr. Griffin? Arsé-kun: Jack: What’s all this? Sheepy: Yan: ………….. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, I’m a human. The professor is a human. Assassin is a little less human. Sheepy: Holmes: Unless you mean the fabric? It’s polyester. Sheepy: Holmes: Anything else? Arsé-kun: Jack: Do the rider and Lobo know about this? Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmmmm? Oh, I wouldn’t know. Sheepy: Holmes: I have very little contact with them. Sheepy: Holmes: The wolf is a bit snappy with me. Arsé-kun: Jack: Then I’m going to go tell Rider. *he pulls the fabric off and drops it to the floor.* You might survive! Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, wait one moment. Sheepy: Holmes: Before you go, I want to ask you a question. Sheepy: Holmes: It’s very important. Arsé-kun: Jack: ….. Fine. What is it? Sheepy: Holmes: How do you see? Sheepy: Holmes: Invisibility is caused by light passing through rather than reflecting, but eyes required light to reflect off of them to function. Sheepy: Holmes: It bothers me every time I look at you. Arsé-kun: Jack: …. Something seems off about that last sentence. Sheepy: Holmes: And something feels off about your ability to see! Arsé-kun: Jack: All of it! The whole damn thing! I’ve got no goddamn idea either, and if I could see you clearly I’d kick your ass for asking! *brief pause* I’m flipping you off right now! Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, wow. Sheepy: Holmes: How terrifying! Arsé-kun: Jack: Fuck you too! Arsé-kun: *and then he leaves, maybe. His tendency to use spirit form to sneak around is specifically so people don’t know what he’s up to. Or it’s supposed to. Nobody knows ooooOOOOooOoo SPOOP* Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmmm. Arsé-kun: Mori: Hmm indeed. It’s most likely he has left. Sheepy: Yan: ………. Arsé-kun: Mori: …? *he lightly pats Yan’s back* Have you forgotten how to write? Sheepy: Yan: *He hesitantly picks up the paper and pencil and starts writing* Sheepy: Yan: “The memories are so hazy. They feel incomplete. Sometimes I don’t think they’re his, but Lobo’s.” Sheepy: Yan: “…Unless he eats people. But he doesn’t have a mouth… so I doubt that.” Sheepy: Holmes:…He still does that…? Is that why you didn’t have neighbors for a while? Arsé-kun: Mori: So obviously, yes, that is part of it. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, tell me more about this can of worms. Sheepy: Holmes: After all, considering that he snaps at me whenever I come close and glares at me whenever he sees me, I have a right to be curious…ah, I mean cautious. Sheepy: Yan: “Well, that guy was gonna tell Rider, right? So Lobo might come in here soon and kill us. We should really have our fun before he does that.” Sheepy: Holmes: Lobo is going to try to kill me no matter what I do. Arsé-kun: Mori: Maybe you just smell bad. Sheepy: Holmes: Do I…? Sheepy: Holmes: Well, embarrassingly enough, I haven’t had the energy to do much until recently, and I haven’t had the motivation to bathe… On top of that, Watson isn’t here to make me take care of myself. Sheepy: Holmes: And no one has taken over that role, so I’m relying on nothing but pure survival instincts to keep myself alive. Arsé-kun: Mori: If you get it over with, you don’t have to do it later! Sheepy: Holmes: Then, I’ll be back. Sheepy: *He stands up and heads out.* Sheepy: Yan: “He left the work to you.” Arsé-kun: Mori: I’ll put a paint bomb in his so he has to shower again later tonight. Sheepy: Yan: “Good idea.” Arsé-kun: Mori: Thank you. .. You can stop being him, by the way. I figured you would have stopped of your own accord. Sheepy: Yan: *He changes back, looking dazed* Sheepy: Yan: Oi, my head’s pounding! Sheepy: Yan: Man, I’m happy to have a head! Sheepy: Yan: It’s like a big weight has been put back. Sheepy: Yan: They’re back, toooo! Aaahahahaha! Oh, how awful! How awful! Just shut up! Sheepy: Yan: Ah, it’s such an empty feeling, being him! I’ve never felt that before! Oh man! I know! He’s gonna be added to the voices! Yea! Shut up! I’m gonna add him, and I’ll make sure it’s REAL painful! AHAHAHA! Arsé-kun: Mori: Why, so he can kill off the others? Sheepy: Yan: Oh? He can do that? Oh! How wonderful! Arsé-kun: Mori: Can he? Why don’t you find out? Sheepy: Yan: *He stands up* ’M gonna find out~! Arsé-kun: Mori: Sit down and wait! He’ll probably arrive shortly.. Sheepy: Yan: *He sits down* Ahahaha, I’ll punish him… Arsé-kun: Mori: He’ll kick your ass from here to next week. Sheepy: Yan: You don’t know that! Sheepy: Yan: You smart people are all brains and no smarts! Arsé-kun: Mori: Pardon my french, but what the fuck does that mean? Sheepy: Yan: All you do is use your dumb old brain and never actually use your smarts in battle! Arsé-kun: Mori: Are you calling me smart or dumb? Pick one. Sheepy: Yan: It’s not about being smart or dumb! Sheepy: Yan: You just decide the battle’s outcome before it starts ‘cause you’re so smart! But you’re stupid! Smarts make you fight a losing battle 'cause otherwise you’ll just be seen as weak for running away! Sheepy: Yan: You gotta have some sense of pride! You can’t just pick on the weak. Sheepy: Yan: So, anyway, if you want an honorable death, I can help. Arsé-kun: Mori: Th This implies I would be fighting as well! Arsé-kun: Mori: And I’d had my share of honorable deaths, thank you very much! My next death is on my own terms. Sheepy: Yan: Oh! Sheepy: Yan: So you aren’t fighting, eh? You pit me against Rider and then sit back and relax! Sheepy: Yan: Oh! That is what I like about you! Arsé-kun: Mori: What is there that you don’t? Arsé-kun: Mori: … On second thought, don’t answer that. Arsé-kun: Mori: Instead, lets pivot back to what I initially asked of you. *he folds his hands, looking directly to Yan* Now that you can think better than prior, have you learned anything interesting? Sheepy: Yan: I ttthhhiiink I know his name! Sheepy: Yan: But see! Why tell you for free when you can pay me to tell you?! Arsé-kun: Mori: Because I can shoot you if you don’t? Sheepy: Yan: Oh, if you shoot me, I’ll be veeerrrryyyyy unhappy! Sheepy: Yan: In fact! I’ll tell everyone that you shoot people when you don’t get your way! Arsé-kun: Mori: Is that a surprise? An evil mastermind shoots people? What a shocker. Sheepy: Yan: That’s just what’s special about you. Sheepy: Yan: You don’t pull the trigger. Sheepy: Yan: It’s too much work to do anything yourself! That’s why people like me exist! Sheepy: Yan: But dooooon’t worry~ I can push you into the deep end! Whoosh! How fun! Sheepy: Yan: O~h, I bet Heinrich would love to join! Arsé-kun: Mori: And if you finish that name, I might get your payment. Sheepy: Yan: Hmmm…! Sheepy: Yan:…..Luneberg! Yea! Arsé-kun: Mori: And you’re certain? Sheepy: Yan: Yea! Arsé-kun: Mori: Either way. *he, not looking away, pulls out a small bag from under the fabrics and tosses it to Yan* You can’t say I don’t pay you. Sheepy: Yan: What’s this? Arsé-kun: Mori: I just told you. Sheepy: Yan: *He opens the bag* Arsé-kun: *It’s money! Mostly money. Snack included. Suspiciously gold credit card included.* Sheepy: Yan:….! Sheepy: Yan: Oh shoot I love cheezits! They taste like trash! Sheepy: Yan: I love eating trash! Arsé-kun: Mori: It’s better than you actually digging in the trash! Sheepy: Yan: Oh, I don’t do that! Sheepy: Yan: I eat out of your food closet. Arsé-kun: Mori: Yes, I know that. Sheepy: Yan: You really should stock better food! Arsé-kun: Mori: It’s not for you! Sheepy: Yan: Then why can I eat it? Sheepy: Yan: I can’t say I can give back the food I’ve eaten! Arsé-kun: Mori: You just come in and take it!– Ooh, I can’t just complain about that in my position! Sheepy: Yan: You’re a criminal, too. Arsé-kun: Mori: The best. Sheepy: Yan: Hmm. Sheepy: *Those cheezits? You should’ve gotten to them faster. Where did they go- oh, they went Holme…s* Sheepy: Holmes: *He’s eating Yan’s cheezits…* Sheepy: Yan: ….*Griiiiiiinnnn* Sheepy: *Yan is showing his pearly whites, which, with his smaller pupils and seemingly sharper-than-usual canines makes him look similar to a snake.* Sheepy: Yan: Oh-ho, how are those? Sheepy: Holmes: *He grimaces and keeps eating them* Arsé-kun: Mori: Terrible. Absolutely horrible. You deserved that, Holmes. Arsé-kun: *Mori briefly pauses and glances down. Stealth phone check.* Arsé-kun: Mori: The wizard declined assisting out of fear. Do we have a plan B? Sheepy: Holmes: They taste the way you smell. Like old people Sheepy: Yan: That was my trash! Arsé-kun: Mori: I’m only in my fifties!! Sheepy: Holmes: You’re getting up in the years. You’re over half a century. Arsé-kun: Mori: By that logic, Yan is our great grandfather! Sheepy: Yan: Eh? Sheepy: Yan: You see this hot bod? Sheepy: Holmes: You just said you were over fifty, and a century is a hundred years. Arsé-kun: Mori: In!! In my fifties! Look, at least I didn’t have a babysitter living with me in my twenties, Holmes! Sheepy: Holmes: Tell me what’s incorrect about saying you’re over half a century old. Arsé-kun: Mori: I don’t like the way it sounds. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, you no longer need a babysitter as I do. Arsé-kun: Mori: So that’s one of us who doesn’t. Sheepy: Holmes: It doesn’t bother me that I’m completely incapable of taking care of myself because I sacrificed that capability to take care of others better. Sheepy: Holmes: Instead of focusing my mind on my health, I focus my mind on the case at hand. Sheepy: Holmes: And thanks to Watson, I was able to live this way happily. Sheepy: Holmes: I was hoping that Archer would take that role over, but instead he orders me around like Mrs. Hudson. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, you would be perfect as a replacement, Professor Moriarty. Arsé-kun: Mori: But not once have you given me an incentive! Sheepy: Holmes: What would give you incentive? Arsé-kun: Mori: What do you think? Arsé-kun: *as they continue bickering, Jack returns, stomping in and throwing a bundle of who knows what onto the table. He is currently observable due to a gigantic streak of black paint across his entire front and the seemingly-floating sunglasses. Stealth is not on the menu today.* Arsé-kun: Jack: Fuck it!! Here, douchebags! Have some free shit! I stole it from the goddamn clown-lookin’ motherfucker! Arsé-kun: Jack: And kick Rider’s ass for me! Bastard doesn’t listen, well, here you guys go! Fuuuck! Sheepy: Holmes: … He… doesn’t have ears. Sheepy: Holmes: How does he hear without ears…? Arsé-kun: Jack: Air vibrations or some shit! Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmm. But how do you know that he’s not listening to you? Arsé-kun: Jack: Well, he ain’t here kicking your asses, is he?! Sheepy: Holmes: Well, no. Sheepy: Holmes: But are you sure he wants to? Arsé-kun: Jack: Him?? Not decapitating a man? Sheepy: Holmes: I suppose you have a point. Arsé-kun: Jack: *he looks back* Oh, he’s finally coming! You’d better act now! Sheepy: *Holmes quickly puts o the disguise* Arsé-kun: *as does Mori, before hitting the lights* Sheepy: *Yan has switched back to being Rider.* Sheepy: *Rider enters the room, the only noise from him being his footsteps, accompanied by the heavier footsteps of Lobo who’s trailing behind him* Sheepy: Rider: ………….. Arsé-kun: Jack: Great, now there’s four of 'em. No one is safe! Sheepy: Rider: …………………… Sheepy: Rider: *he points to the three other Riders* …? Arsé-kun: Mori: “What, do you not like it?” Sheepy: Rider: …………………….. Sheepy: *Lobo reaches Rider’s side and eyes the three other Riders.* Arsé-kun: Jack: …. Thrilling discussion. Sheepy: Rider: “Why are there many of me?” Sheepy: Rider: “We only need one.” Arsé-kun: Mori: “Why, indeed?” Sheepy: Lobo: …………..*He approaches Holmes, who backs off a bit, but not fast enough. Lobo howls angrily and slams Holmes into the ground with one quick motion before sniffing at Mori* Arsé-kun: Mori: *he holds his hand out for Lobo. confidence 100* Sheepy: Lobo: ………*He nuzzles Mori!* Arsé-kun: *Mori pets Lobo. Good boooooy* Sheepy: Lobo: *He is wagging his tail. Rider … is watching? Maybe?* Arsé-kun: Mori: … *he reaches out to stop Rider, putting a hand on his shoulder* Arsé-kun: *and hands Rider a can* Sheepy: Lobo: *He whines and nudges Mori* Sheepy: Rider: *He hesitantly opens the can* Arsé-kun: *peanuts pop out! boo.* Sheepy: *Rider jumps a bit, surprised. Lobo starts barking loudly at the can.* Arsé-kun: Jack: *he puts his hand on his head, rivaling Star Captain Picard for being so absolutely done* Sheepy: Rider: *He throws the can.* Arsé-kun: *this bitch empty. yeet.* Sheepy: Rider: “Stop disguising yourself as me.” Arsé-kun: Mori: “What do you mean "Stop”? It’s never been done before.“ Sheepy: Rider: "Stop. Now.” Arsé-kun: Mori: “Yes, yes, fine.” Arsé-kun: Jack: Magus incoming! Arsé-kun: Mori: …. “After this.” Sheepy: Lobo: *He looks over in the direction of the door, ears perked up* Arsé-kun: Minako: Riiider, have you seen Sherlooc— What am I looking at? Lobo, what is this? Sheepy: Lobo: ………*He picks up Sherlock by the back of his coat, struts over to Minako, and drops him* Arsé-kun: Mori: … *snrrrrrk* Arsé-kun: Minako: Thank you, Lobo! *pat, pat* And you! I’ve been looking for you for the last two hours! *she reaches up to pull on the morph suit head cover. She might be grabbing hair.* You big bully! Sheepy: Holmes: -Ow! Arsé-kun: *Mori pulls off the head cover so he can see Sherlock’s demise better* Sheepy: Holmes: *He pulls off the disguise* Arsé-kun: Minako: Can I get you to do your job? Is that a thing you actually do? Sheepy: Holmes: Of course! Arsé-kun: Minako: Great! You notice the severe lack of Lance screaming? Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, I was happy about that. Arsé-kun: Minako: He’s not here! He hasn’t BEEN here! Since camping! Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, what about that? Arsé-kun: Minako: Nobody knows where he is! He’s ALIVE, I know that, but he’s cloaked or something! Tristan and Lucan, too! Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmmm. Sheepy: Holmes: That is a problem. Arsé-kun: Minako: It is! Even the dogs can’t catch their trail! .. No offense, Lobo! Sheepy: Lobo: …………. Sheepy: Holmes: So you want me to look for them. Sheepy: Holmes: Do you have any information you can give me? Arsé-kun: Minako: Yep, yep, and yes-sirree! Sheepy: Holmes: Tell me. Arsé-kun: Minako: *she pulls up a map on her comm.* The Cu’s lost track around here. *she puts a little star where she is pointing to* We initially started way down here, *star* and Enkidu lost their trail way way up here! *star and circled* Multiple trails were found, and Merlin reported what he called “The most solid cloak I’ve seen since…” and I’m not finishing that! Sheepy: Holmes: Cloak? Multiple trails? Sheepy: Holmes: How many footprints? What did the cloak look like? Arsé-kun: Minako: Magical cloaking! Like when you cover up your magic duel from nearby muggles? That sorta cloak! Trails apparently overlapped, uh.. *she pulls up a notepad. The notes are a disasterpiece.* A lot of different prints, including horseshoe prints! *She pauses to scroll. Squints. Regrets own ability to take notes.* Oh, but Tristan did leave his cape somewhere, so I guess that’s a cloak too. Sheepy: Holmes: So they joined up with someone with some sort of riding animal. Arsé-kun: Minako: The knights agreed it was most liiiikely Grifflet, since he DID show up on his horse on the first evening we were there. But no definites! Sheepy: Holmes: Presumably, it was someone they trusted. Sheepy: Holmes: However…I don’t want to make that assumption because I have no evidence. Sheepy: Holmes: Well then. It’s time to head out… Ah, if only I had Toby. Sheepy: Holmes: Lobo is nowhere near as good as Toby. Sheepy: *Lobo snarls.* Arsé-kun: Mori: … No, Lobo. Sheepy: Holmes: Toby had the best nose. And the sweetest face. And the cutest ears. And- ah, I should get ready. Sheepy: Holmes: I’m going out. Arsé-kun: Minako: Stay safe, Detective! Sheepy: Holmes: Thank you. Arsé-kun: Jack: And Lobo wishes for you to commit die. Maybe do that afterwards! Sheepy: Holmes: I won’t do that Sheepy: *Holmes heads out!* Arsé-kun: *And only minutes after leaving does Moriarty catch up, having removed his own disguise and gathered supplies.* Sheepy: Holmes: Oh? You’re coming? Arsé-kun: Mori: You keep saying I should be your Watson. I may as well make sure you survive, but I can’t promise you’ll be in good shape. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, thank you. Arsé-kun: Mori: Think nothing of it. Sheepy: Holmes: Now, my plan is to follow the tracks. That should be a good start. Sheepy: *So, Holmes heads to the woods and starts looking for the path.* Arsé-kun: *Meanwhile, Mori asked for this info to be sent to his phone, so he has a fucking map. So he just grabs Sherlock’s arm and drags him that-a-way* Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, over here? Arsé-kun: Mori: Yes. Arsé-kun: Mori: … All right, I’m asking, but I don’t expect an answer. *he huffs, but doesn’t turn back to look at Sherlock* What sort of phantom or being were you mixed with on your most recent summoning to make you this way? You were perfectly fine in Shinjuku. Sheepy: Holmes: I don’t know what you’re talking about. *he’s clearly lying.* Sheepy: Holmes: You say “my most recent summoning”, but you have no proof of when “my most recent summoning” was. Sheepy: Holmes: You never know. My most recent summoning might’ve been before those events completely. Sheepy: Holmes: Anyway, I won’t lie and say I’m not. Sheepy: Holmes: But to reveal my ace card like that to my rival… Oh, but perhaps I should give you a hint… Hmhm. Arsé-kun: *Moriarty raises his eyebrows. They ascend into the fucking stratosphere. They’re still going.* Sheepy: Holmes: What? Arsé-kun: Mori: I didn’t expect you to confirm it so quickly, that’s all. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, it’s not as though I can hide it from you. Sheepy: Holmes: Really, the only thing I can hide is who it is and the manner of which we coexist. Sheepy: Holmes: Is it a phantom relationship? Why would I need a phantom, when phantoms are entities who aren’t well known? Could it be something else? What manner of summoning would that require? Could it be related to how I ended up meeting Minako? Sheepy: Holmes: And finally, who is it? Sheepy: Holmes: Those will be answered in time…ah, other than the last one. Arsé-kun: Mori: We’ll see about that, Holmes. Arsé-kun: Mori: *he snorts and shakes his head* All you’ve done is made me more interested. Sheepy: Holmes: I suspected such, but it was worth a shot. Arsé-kun: Mori: Give me a hint, and then shut up and focus on the task at hand. Sheepy: Holmes: ……………..Hmm. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, you say I’m less sharp than usual. Sheepy: Holmes: Try looking for an idiot that’s comparable to my smarts. Arsé-kun: Mori: So not the wizard? Sheepy: Holmes: No, not Merlin. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, if only you had Watson! Sheepy: Holmes: He could tell you everything different about me, not that I’m really aware of it. Arsé-kun: Mori: You talk about him so much, I could almost mistake you for married. *he smirks* Sheepy: Holmes: Well, he’s my closest friend. Arsé-kun: *and they eventually actually get where they are going. with no interruptions! what the fuck!!* Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, they went this way, based on the footprints. Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, if there’s an enemy, I expect you to protect me. Sheepy: Holmes: Unfortunately, I’m no stronger than a human. Arsé-kun: Mori: Oh, you’re the grail avenger now? When did that happen? Sheepy: Holmes: I wasn’t capable of fighting in Shinjuku, remember? Arsé-kun: Mori: So you claimed, but you fought fine when pretending to be the Count. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, yes. Sheepy: Holmes: However, any human being can play make believe. Sheepy: Holmes: But I personally am weak. Arsé-kun: Mori: Were we not working, I’d have tried to slaughter you where you stand. Sheepy: Holmes: What? Why? Arsé-kun: Mori: To see how you would react, of course. Arsé-kun: Mori: … And I wanted to use that line. Sheepy: Holmes: How cruel. Arsé-kun: Mori: That means I’m doing my job right. Sheepy: Holmes: You haven’t shifted occupations to babysitter? Arsé-kun: Mori: I have not! Having experience and using it does not mean it is your job! Sheepy: Holmes: That’s true. Arsé-kun: Mori: And I have spotted evidence. *he gestures a bit ahead. There is a cape hanging on a low branch* Sheepy: Holmes: Hmm. It looks like Tristan’s, as she mentioned. Sheepy: Holmes: ……Well, let’s keep going. Arsé-kun: Mori: Aye. *he picks up the cape. Tristan is probably going to want that.* Sheepy: *…After a bit of following the path, Holmes begins diverging off of it* Arsé-kun: Mori: Are you onto something? *but he follows Holmes, looking around for whatever gave him direction* Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, they’re this way. Arsé-kun: Mori: If you say so! Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, I do. Sheepy: *Holmes is looking around…* Arsé-kun: Mori: *he’s consulting the map* Sheepy: Holmes: I think we’re getting closer. Arsé-kun: Mori: What tells you that? Sheepy: Holmes: Detective’s instinct. Arsé-kun: Mori: Where do you get that, the dollar store? Sheepy: Holmes: Hmmmm? Sheepy: Holmes: No, no, much cheaper than that. Sheepy: Holmes: It’s free. Arsé-kun: Mori: Great, share it so I can see what direction you’re coming from. I don’t see anything of note from here! Sheepy: Holmes: A magician never reveals his secrets. Arsé-kun: Mori: Good thing you’re not a magician. Sheepy: Holmes: How about this, then: Sheepy: Holmes: It pertains to the previous conversation. Arsé-kun: Mori: Ah, so it’s not even you doing it. Good to know. I’ll make use of this somehow. Arsé-kun: *or so he Says* Sheepy: Holmes: How? Arsé-kun: Mori: I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it. Sheepy: Holmes: I see. Arsé-kun: Mori: Do you? Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, I do. But I don’t see them yet. Arsé-kun: Mori: Nor do I. But remember- The cloak is still in place. We may be unable to see them. Sheepy: Holmes: That’s true. Arsé-kun: *and then Holmes gets fucking sniped, real fast. it was getting too chummy around here anyway* Sheepy: Holmes: -Ugh! Arsé-kun: *Mori whirls around and spots the Giant Floating Eyeball demon. The thing they absolutely should not have completely missed.* Sheepy: Holmes: Where did that come from…?! Arsé-kun: Mori: If I knew, I would tell you! *he pulls out his cannon gun and points it at the eyeball. it doesn���t seem scared of a death shaped gun* Sheepy: Holmes: (Do I fight…or leave it to him?) Sheepy: *Holmes glances around to see if there’s any more enemies.* Arsé-kun: *it seems to be the only one, and it’s absorbing bullets like they’re nothing.* Sheepy: Holmes: *He takes a deep breath before focusing on the eye. Something about his gaze is… frightening? [You need to get away. Get away before it’s too late.]* Arsé-kun: *the Gazer backs off. Debuff resistance lowered. Attack lowered. Defense raised. Moriarty also looked, lowering his debuff resistance enough to get Stunned. oops* Sheepy: Holmes: (He looked! What do we do?) Arsé-kun: *He gets silence as an answer. I don’t know what you expected, Sherlock* Sheepy: *Holmes rushes towards the enemy!* Arsé-kun: *it isn’t fast enough to back out of Holmes’ range. It is Afraid. Moriarty, meanwhile, shakes off the stun and stands back to observe* Sheepy: *Holmes kicks it!* Arsé-kun: *It is kicked over the horizon. Gooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllll!* Sheepy: *Holmes turns and starts approaching Mori to join him again.* Arsé-kun: Mori: ….. I may have additional questions. Sheepy: Holmes: Like what? Arsé-kun: Mori: Pardon my french but C’est quoi?? Sheepy: Holmes: I just looked at it, that’s all. Arsé-kun: Mori: *he looks… Highly doubtful* Sheepy: Holmes: What? Arsé-kun: Mori: Forget it, Holmes. We’re busy enough as it is. Sheepy: Holmes:…Well, if that’s what you want. Sheepy: Holmes: I’ll be relying on you for protection, so try to do a better job next time. Arsé-kun: Mori: That, or a straight answer- You didn’t need me at all for that! Sheepy: Holmes: Don’t think like that, I do need you. Sheepy: Holmes: If nothing else, I can use you as a meat shield. Arsé-kun: Mori: I really appreciate it. *the sarcasm is very obvious in his voice* Thanks a lot. Sheepy: Holmes: It’s no problem. Sheepy: Holmes: Now, let’s keep going. Arsé-kun: Mori: Yes, yes. You can lead. Sheepy: *Holmes leads Mori to Tristan and friends!* Sheepy: Grif: *He is prodding the eyeball that Holmes launched* … ? Sheepy: *Lucan is under it.* Arsé-kun: Lance: Hrgh! *and he tugs Lucan’s arm.* Sheepy: *Lucan responds with a loud yelp.* Sheepy: Lucan: Heyhey, be more gentle! Arsé-kun: Lance: Sorrrrry..! Sheepy: Grif:…It’s my friend. Sheepy: Grif: It likes it right here. Sheepy: Grif: So you move. Arsé-kun: Kay: Are you serio– Why am I asking? Of course he’s serious. *he just puts his hands on his face and sighs* Sheepy: Tristan: Oh, how sad…to be a chair for a Watcher… Sheepy: Grif: No, I’m Griflet. Is your memory failing? Arsé-kun: Kay: I thought it was a Gazer? And for the love of God, Griflet, serious isn’t a name! Sheepy: Grif: Yes, exactly, so it’s foolish for you to assume it’s my name. Sheepy: Lucan: Was it migrating? Is that it? Sheepy: Lucan: Then it thought that I was real comfy? Sheepy: Grif: I’m going to name him. Sheepy: Grif: You see? It’s docile because it likes me. Arsé-kun: Mori: …. So this is where it landed? And with it, there you all are. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, my apologies, I kicked that here. Sheepy: Grif:….?! Sheepy: *Grif unsheathes his sword* Sheepy: Grif: I don’t know you, but if you touch Buddy, I’ll tear you to shreds! Sheepy: *Buddy briefly looks up from grazing at Grif before he goes back to it. Elyan is staring, unblinking, at Holmes.* Arsé-kun: Mori: He won’t. It was an act of self-defense. *he picks his hands up* Do put that away, we’re having a conversation. Sheepy: Grif:………..*He bares his teeth, but does lower his sword.* Sheepy: Lucan: Oh, I’m saved. Arsé-kun: *the Gazer has moved to behind Grif. This is Safe.* Sheepy: Lucan: *He groans and picks himself off the ground* Well, I don’t recognize you. Sheepy: Lucan:…Oh, hold on, you’re a bit familiar. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, it’s you two. Sheepy: Tristan: Sir Griflet strong armed us into joining him for a quest. Arsé-kun: Mori: That answers at least one question. Sheepy: Grif: *He gently pats the Gazer. friend* Sheepy: *Elyan is still staring…* Sheepy: Tristan: What brings you out here? Arsé-kun: Mori: The detective here was asked to find you three. Especially you, Sir Lancelot, Minako was worried about you. Sheepy: Holmes: Yes, that’s why. Arsé-kun: Lance: …… *he whines* Sorrrrrryyyyy.. Sheepy: Holmes: Well, what’s done is done. Arsé-kun: Mori: What, that’s it? Sheepy: Holmes: You expected me to punish him? Sheepy: Holmes: I’m not capable of fighting. Arsé-kun: Mori: I at least wanted to know why the area was cloaked. Sheepy: Grif: Yes, well. Sheepy: Grif: You see, there’s a spirit who lives in this forest. Sheepy: Grif: And- Sheepy: Lucan: It’s really long and convoluted. Arsé-kun: Kay: We’re stuck while Grif sees it through to the end. Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: If you try to leave before she’s rescued from the demon of the forest who created this cloak, you’ll be cursed. Sheepy: Holmes: *He has lost interest in the conversation and has locked eyes with Elyan.* Arsé-kun: Kay: We’ve got a sick master back at home..! Can’t it be done faster, Grif? Sheepy: Grif: I’m trying. Arsé-kun: Kay: Ughhhh! Sheepy: Grif: Are you? Arsé-kun: Kay: We’re not going anywhere, are we?? We’ve slowed down! And we don’t have infinite mana, either! Sheepy: Grif:……. Sheepy: Grif: Ah. Sheepy: Grif: So they’re reinforcements. Arsé-kun: Kay: No!! Sheepy: Grif: Yes. Sheepy: Grif: Yes, let’s save her Arsé-kun: Kay: Then what are we standing here for?! You’ve got the gizmo whatchacallit! Arsé-kun: Kay: Get on your horse, take your bird, rescue the nature spirit, brave knight! Onwards you go! Sheepy: Grif: Yes, good idea. *He heads over to Buddy and gets on Buddy’s back. Elyan doesn’t seem to notice, more focused on Holmes* Arsé-kun: *and Lance is staring at Failnaught. You cannot have that* Sheepy: Tristan: Oh, are we letting him go alone? Arsé-kun: Kay: He’s the one who started it alone. It’s fitting he ends it that way, too. Arsé-kun: Kay: We can just walk this time. Sheepy: Tristan: Yes, that works. Arsé-kun: Lance: Hnnn. I wanted to try Failnaught again.. Sheepy: Tristan: Ah, just don’t break it. Arsé-kun: Lance: !!! *he seems excited and eagerly grabs Failnaught before stepping back and leaping into a tree. Servanto jumpa powahhh. There he goes.* Sheepy: Lucan: Oh no. Arsé-kun: Kay: I’m gonna bet he’s gonna crash again. Sheepy: Lucan: Yeah, same. Arsé-kun: *distant gurgling of “AAAARRRRRTHHHUUUURRRRR!!” as Lancelot shoots out of the tree like a rocket. This is not the intended gliding speed. Goodbye lancelot. See you, space cowboy.* Sheepy: Lucan:…Ohhhh nnoooo. Arsé-kun: Mori: … Judging by that launch, he is going to crash straight into the ground. Sheepy: Lucan: Yeah, exactly. Arsé-kun: *and Lancelot does Exactly Fucking That a few miles away. Failnaught is unharmed. Crater size– New Record.* Arsé-kun: *but he isn’t the first one there. Grif is, and he is already in the final boss fight. Lance settles for being the reinforcements. Everyone else just gets to watch. The Gazer still wants nothing to do with Sherlock. Mori is passing information on, because Sherlock is too busy making noises at a bird.* Sheepy: *Grif is being extremely aggressive in the fight. Too aggressive, perhaps.* Arsé-kun: *Way too aggressive. He keeps leaving himself open* Sheepy: *Grif. You’re going to get hurt.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 3 Sheepy: *He does his best, but due to his aggression and the power of the enemy, he’s defeated!* Arsé-kun: *The Spriggan Guardian of the Cage screams and slams it’s club down next to Griflet.* Sheepy: Grif: –!! Sheepy: *Despite all odds, Grif launches himself at the Guardian! However, he didn’t think to pick up his sword and he ends up punching the Guardian instead.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 14 (dc) Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 17 Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 19 Arsé-kun: *The Guardian goes to grab him, but Grif easily jumps out of the way. He also sticks the landing.* Sheepy: Grif: *He scoops up his sword.* Arsé-kun: Kay: For fuck’s sake, Grif! Get out of here! *and he runs in, his own sword drawn. He hasn’t been an active combatant in most of the adventure, but he’s here when it counts!* Let us get in here too! Sheepy: Grif: No! The fight isn’t done yet! Sheepy: Grif: Helping is fine! Arsé-kun: Kay: Have it your way! *he joins Grif on the front line* Sheepy rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 1 Sheepy: *Grif launches himself at the Guardian! … However, the Guardian outsmarts him and sends him flying by using its club. HOME RUN!* Arsé-kun: *Kay takes advantage of this and lights the Guardian’s foot on fire. Lance abandons his position to chase after Grif. Failnaught is returned to Tristan on the way past.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 17 Arsé-kun: *Grif goes through at least seventeen trees. Minimum. this is the fate the d20 has given you* Sheepy: *Even if the will to fight remains, Grif isn’t capable of it at this point. He finally lands with a skid and doesn’t get up.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 6 (dc) Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 20 Arsé-kun: *Kay looks away for ONE GODDAMN SECOND and gets pulverized by the Guardian’s club. May he rest in peace. And pieces.* Sheepy: Lucan: –!! Kay! Sheepy: Lucan: *He dashes in, followed by Tristan.* Looks like it’s up to me… Sheepy: Tristan: I’ll support you as best as I can…Ah, how sad…Poor Kay…Poor Griflet.. Sheepy: Tristan: *He plays Failnaught, attempting to bind the Guardian.* Arsé-kun: *He is successful! The Guardian is bound for the turn!* Sheepy: *Lucan, using this opportunity, attempts to stab the Guardian with his lance!* Arsé-kun: *his attack connects!* Sheepy: *He proceeds to back off.* Arsé-kun: *the Guardian is stunned and skips it’s turn!* Sheepy: *Tristan shoots arrows at the Guardian!* Arsé-kun: *Failnaught cannot miss, so Automatic Success.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 4 sides. The die showed: 4 Arsé-kun: *Critical damage!* Sheepy: *Lucan followed it up with another attempt at a stab!* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 16 Arsé-kun: *He sure took a stab at it!!* Arsé-kun: *the Guardian raises its club and swings at Lucan! Lucan evades!* Sheepy: Lucan: You can’t hit me that easily! Arsé-kun: Mori: …. Please tell me someone else hears that. Sheepy: Lucan:…What is that? Arsé-kun: Kay: It sorta sounds like a passing airplane.. Sheepy: Lucan: You’re alive?! Arsé-kun: Kay: I don’t want to be. Sheepy: Lucan: Don’t worry! I can heal you! Arsé-kun: Kay: I don’t want your guts…! Sheepy: Lucan: So picky! Arsé-kun: *the airplane sound has gotten closer. do I need to be subtle about what it is?* Sheepy: Lucan:….Why is it getting closer?! Arsé-kun: Mori: It’s your teammate. You may want to get down. Sheepy: *Lucan hunkers down.* Sheepy: *Tristan flops to the ground.* Arsé-kun: *and Lancelot, riding his favorite fighter jet from his Noble Phantasm, kamikazes the Guardian. He bails at the last second..! And the Guardian swats the plane out of the air like a fly. Lancelot takes his helmet off and punts it to express his displeasure.* Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 17 Arsé-kun rolled a die with 20 sides. The die showed: 17 Arsé-kun: *the helmet connects. The damage is minimal, but it connected.* Sheepy: Holmes: You seem to be having trouble. Arsé-kun: Mori: Shall the reinforcements clean up this mess? Sheepy: Holmes: I suppose we should. Arsé-kun: Mori: All right, then. *he picks up his coffin-gun* Actually help me this time, then. Sheepy: Holmes: I helped the last time! Sheepy: Holmes: *He huffs, before running and jumping at the Guardian! He fires off his magnifying glass laser things.* Arsé-kun: *as he does this, Moriarty shoots at the Guardian’s legs!* Sheepy: *Holmes follows it up by dropkicking the Guardian.* Arsé-kun: *Long story short, they’re whaling on it.* Sheepy: *Elyan watches.* Arsé-kun: *the Gazer plops down next to him. it sees* Sheepy: Buddy: *He sniffs at the Gazer* Arsé-kun: *it glances at Buddy. It doesn’t seem worried about horse* Sheepy: *Eventually, Holmes and Mori defeat the Guardian!* Arsé-kun: Kay: Hooray.. Sheepy: Lucan: Oh, cheer up. Sheepy: Lucan: It’s just a scratch. Arsé-kun: Kay: I can’t feel my face. Sheepy: Lucan: Why not? Arsé-kun: Kay: I don’t know. Sheepy: Lucan: Who’s stopping you? Sheepy: Lucan: Ah! I am. Here, I can get you fixed up Arsé-kun: *Lance voices his displeasure before grabbing Lucan’s wrist. No, banned. No Noble Phantasms Allowed* Sheepy: Lucan: Do you have a better idea? Sheepy: Lucan: If so, please share it. Arsé-kun: Lance: Anyyyything but that. Sheepy: Lucan: ….. Sheepy: Lucan: Guess we’re carrying you back Sheepy: Lucan: So Merlin can heal you Sheepy: Lucan; How does that sound? My method is faster, of course… Arsé-kun: Lance: yOU’RE SURVIVING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT Sheepy: Lucan: Ah? Sheepy: Lucan: Sir Tristan, you disagree with his sentiment, correct? Sheepy: Tristan: Oh, how sad! Sheepy: Tristan: To lose the one who knows how to do taxes…! Sheepy: Grif: *He drags himself over, bleeding profusely* Now that it’s dead, I can unlock the cage…! Sheepy: Lucan: You aren’t dead…? Arsé-kun: Kay: …. Kiddo’s gonna kill us. Sheepy: Lucan: Oof. Good luck. Arsé-kun: Lance: Rrrrrest in pieces. Sheepy: Grif: *He uses the key item!* Arsé-kun: *the cage is unlocked!* Arsé-kun: *Everyone present is healed for a small amount of health!* Arsé-kun: Kay: *he sits up and shakes his head. He liiiiives.* Sheepy: Lucan: Good. Sheepy: Grif:……We did it. Sheepy: Grif: Are you hurt? Arsé-kun: *the spirit doesn’t seem to be speaking… out loud. Unfortunate for everyone that isn’t Grif.* Sheepy: Grif: It was no problem. Arsé-kun: Kay: …. Can anyone else hear what’s going on over there? Or have I gone deaf? Sheepy: Lucan: I can’t either. Arsé-kun: Kay: Goddamn it. He’s gonna get the big prize and we’re gonna get what? Sheepy: Lucan: Stitches. Arsé-kun: Lance: We’re knights, not mercenariiiieessss! *he seems proud of himself. He’s also thoughtfully looking at the Guardian’s club* Sheepy: Lucan: There’s nothing that says that the prize isn’t eternal suffering. Sheepy: Lucan: Anyway, it’s not the journey, it’s the destination! Sheepy: Lucan:…Ah! Sheepy: Lucan: That’s the opposite of what I meant! Sheepy: Lucan: No, no, it not the destination, it’s the journey, that’s it! Arsé-kun: Kay: The journey was mostly Grif doing things, featuring us all being dragged along. Even you got in on it! Sheepy: Lucan: Yes. Well. Sheepy: Lucan:…. Sheepy: Lucan:….I want to go on another adventure sometime soon. Sheepy: Grif: My wish… it’s not something that can be granted. I highly doubt it can. Arsé-kun: Kay: Maybe we can. Just… Not a Griflet-brand adventure. Sheepy: Lucan: Yes, that’s better. Arsé-kun: *Lance re-enters scene, having broke a chunk of the club off. Smaller club. Travel-friendly sized club* Arsé-kun: Lance: Yes, let’s do this again! Arsé-kun: Lance: Lets bring medica supplies next time! *he frowns* Medica. I speak words well yes! Sheepy: Lucan: Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us! Sheepy: Tristan: *Snore* Arsé-kun: *Kay follows Tristan’s example and lays back down to take a nap* Sheepy: Grif: …So, this will help me in the future? Yes. Thank you. I’ll treasure it. Arsé-kun: *the spirit vanishes, returning to the forest* Sheepy: *So, the knights head home!* Arsé-kun: *and by Home we mean Mink’s house. Through Lancelot’s window, which is on the second floor. His room, not Guin’s. Clonk clonk clank.* Sheepy: Grif: Yes, he’ll never find us here. Sheepy: Lucan: Oh, how cowardly. Arsé-kun: Kay: More like he won’t..! Grif, he’s sickly as hell, how would he get here?? Sheepy: Grif: Hm. Sheepy: Grif: Walking. Sheepy: Lucan:…*He raises his eyebrows* Arsé-kun: Kay: ….. Okay, true. Sheepy: Lucan: All the way over here? Arsé-kun: Kay: He could probably do it… *he flops onto bed. Is anyone else sitting there? too bad, kay time* Sheepy: Grif: You’re going to sleep? Arsé-kun: Kay: mmmmmmhm. Arsé-kun: Lance: … *he was going to pick up the bed so he could store the club under it, but now he can’t. so he just shoves it underneath. Shooooove.* Sheepy: Grif: ………….. Sheepy: Grif: *He yawns* Sheepy: Lucan: Ah~ I’m so excited. Sheepy: Lucan: I hope we go on another adventure soon… Arsé-kun: Lance: Maybe the next one will be betterrr.. Sheepy: Lucan: Oh, I had a grand old time! I can’t imagine it being any better! *His usual stepford smile and dead look in his eyes is replaced with an absolutely beaming expression.* Arsé-kun: *Merlin dives in with his phone already out. Snap, snap, snap, 1000 pictures for Bedivere of a happy Lucan. He felt this anomaly from halfway across the house. Lance takes advantage of Merlin’s presence by KOO-boosting his phone. This should not work, but blackmail is a weapon. I guess?* Sheepy: Lucan: !? Arsé-kun: Merlin: Welc–! *he cuts himself off and lowers his voice, for the benefit of Kay, Grif and Tris* Welcome back, brave knights. You look like you had lots of fun..! Sheepy: Lucan: Fun? Me? Ahaha, those concepts don’t work together. Sheepy: Lucan: That’s silly. Arsé-kun: Merlin: So you don’t want to go again? Sheepy: Lucan: Of course I do! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Then be happy about your success. You’ve got nothing to hide. ;) Sheepy: Lucan: …! Arsé-kun: Merlin: So, in the stead of any authority– You did fantastic, Sir Lucan. :) *is he just saying it, or does he really mean it? Sometimes it’s hard to tell.* Sheepy: Lucan:!! Arsé-kun: Merlin: Also, don’t get comfy. Some of you guys are getting picked up soon. Sheepy: Grif: *snore* Sheepy: Lucan: Don’t worry, I’m never comfortable. Arsé-kun: Merlin: I don’t think that’s a good thing? Sheepy: Lucan: Huh? Arsé-kun: Lance: ..Aaa? *he noticed Something and peers out the window. Who’s this? Who’s this?* Sheepy: Lucan: What is it? *He follows Lancelot’s gaze* Arsé-kun: *Lance sees someone he doesn’t know! Kay and Grif’s master is also there. Moriarty is also there.* Sheepy: Lucan: Who are they? Arsé-kun: Lance: Which? Sheepy: Lucan: Well, I know Moriarty Sheepy: Lucan: But I don’t know the other two. Arsé-kun: Lance: The kid is Kay’s boss. The other… Uhh.. Sheepy: *Lobo has begun barking.* Arsé-kun: *and Proto has pressed himself up against a different window* Sheepy: Kidd: …Is he dangerous? Arsé-kun: Mori: Sometimes? But I’m with you, so he won’t try anything. Sheepy: Kidd: That’s nice to know. Sheepy: Kidd: Thank you for housing Grif and Kay. I was- *cough, cough*- I was worried about them. Arsé-kun: Mori: Certainly. But may I advise they use the front door next time? Sheepy: Kidd:….? Sheepy: Kidd: I’ll ask them to be more considerate in the future. Arsé-kun: Mori: The brave camaraderie of knights climbed in a window, so yes please. Sheepy: Kidd:…Ah… Arsé-kun: Mori: … Though that could be the fault of any others. Sheepy: Kidd: I…uh… was worried that Grif broke a door down or something. Arsé-kun: Mori: Thankfully no. Sheepy: Kidd: He has a tendency to break things. Sheepy: Kidd:…like spines… *cough* Arsé-kun: Mori: As most berserkers do. Sheepy: Bedi: If you want to come inside, they’re upstairs. Sir Kay and Sir Griflet are sleeping. Sheepy: Bedi: I think. Arsé-kun: Lance: *he opens his window and leans out a little. Hello! They’re in here!* Sheepy: Kidd: ? Sheepy: Kidd: Lupin? Do you know him? Arsé-kun: Lupin: Not yet! Arsé-kun: Mori: That would be Sir Lancelot. Sheepy: Bedi: Aren’t you cold? Arsé-kun: Lance: Kind of? But please hhhhold on. Sheepy: Bedi:? Arsé-kun: *Lance walks away from the window. There’s a brief pause, and a yell from Kay. And then Kay is dumped out the window. Kay sticks the landing but he doesn’t look happy about it!* Sheepy: Kidd: ! Kay! Arsé-kun: Kay: Kiddo, how’d you get here so fast?? Why are you standing out here, it’s so damn cold! Sheepy: Kidd: Ah- uh- Lupin. Arsé-kun: Lupin: *he just grins at Kay* Arsé-kun: Kay: …. Y'know? It’s better him than anyone else. Fiiine. Sheepy: Bedi: You didn’t break anything on the way down, did you? Sheepy: Bedi: Please come inside. Arsé-kun: Kay: If I broke anything, it was during the adventure and not after! *but he still hurries over to scoop up Kidd, and then going back inside. Through the DOOR.* Sheepy: Satoru: *He watches Kay enter and slowly approaches the two. Staaaaaaare.* Sheepy: Satoru: I know you two. Arsé-kun: Kay: Sure do! How’s things, little bud? Sheepy: Satoru: I made a friend today. Sheepy: Satoru: He’s a clickbug I found. Sheepy: Satoru: You’re Kay, and he’s Mann, right? I’m good with names. Arsé-kun: Mori: It’s Kidd, Satoru. Sheepy: Satoru: No, I’m kid. Sheepy: Kidd: Th-that’s my family name. Sheepy: Satoru: My family name is Gushiken but I never use it. Arsé-kun: *Mori has to stop himself from still adding the “No, you’re Satoru”* Sheepy: Kidd:….Like Masanori? Sheepy: Satoru:……… Arsé-kun: Kay: *he raises his eyebrows a bit* Arsé-kun: Mori: …. …. Can someone more uncouth please say what we’re all thinking? Arsé-kun: Mozart, from upstairs: Fuck that guy! *loud tuba note* Sheepy: Satoru: He’s not allowed here. I hate him. Arsé-kun: Mori: We all agree with this statement. Sheepy: Kidd: Did, did I- *cough* did I say something wrong? Arsé-kun: Lupin: Judging from what I see, no. But I understand he’s hated equally here. Sheepy: Kidd: He worked for my father…they’re very close. Arsé-kun: Mori: Disgusting. I’m going to rob him blind. Sheepy: Kidd: I don’t live with them anymore. Not after, uh… Arsé-kun: Kay: After Grif. Sheepy: Kidd: Yes. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Who is that? *He points to Lupin* Arsé-kun: Lupin: Me? Only the world’s greatest gentleman thief- Sheepy: Satoru: No, that’s Grandpa. Sheepy: Satoru: But if you claim to be the greatest, that’s okay, Lupin. I believe in you. You’re cool in your own ways. Arsé-kun: Lupin: *he starts to make a comeback, before registering that Satoru addressed him by name- Despite Satoru not knowing who he was a few moments beforehand* ..?! Sheepy: Satoru: But facing off with Holmes shouldn’t be one of those things, because he lives here and he’s nowhere near as bright as he’s portrayed in the books. It’s hard to believe that he’s Holmes. I think he might be an imposter. Arsé-kun: *Moriarty tries to suppress a smirk. Step one: Failed. Abandon plan. Laugh* Arsé-kun: Lupin: Eh? We only faced off once. Heck, we event went and got drinks together. Sheepy: Satoru: ? Sheepy: Satoru: But you locked him in a mansion once and then he tried to drown you, right? Arsé-kun: Lupin: That first part, sure, but I’m not so cruel as to keep necessities out of his hands. Sheepy: Satoru: And then one of your men broke Watson’s arm and he just insulted Watson and called him lazy. That’s what the book says. Sheepy: Satoru: But Holmes doesn’t seem that mean. Arsé-kun: Lupin: I didn’t tell him to do that. That man was fired. And he’s not. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: Well, you seem nice, so you can be third best evil mastermind. Sheepy: Satoru: Grandpa is the best, but one day I’m going to be second best. Sheepy: Satoru: I hope you don’t mind being third. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, it looks like you have competition, Lupin! Sheepy: *Satoru is beaming!* Sheepy: Satoru: Yes! I believe in you! Sheepy: Holmes: Ahahaha, you should work hard, Lupin. He really got me today. Arsé-kun: Lupin: Then I absolutely need to get back to work, huh? Sheepy: Satoru: Uhuh. You’ll do great. Sheepy: Satoru: But I’m really evil so I might even trick you next time. Sheepy: Satoru: I’ll even teach you a trick for you to use on others. Sheepy: Satoru: Are you ready? It’s a really cunning trick. Arsé-kun: Lupin: I get to learn from a mastermind? Do teach me, monsieur~ Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. How much do you love your favorite thing? I love rhinos this much. *He outstretches his arms* Arsé-kun: Lupin: *he lowers himself down to Satoru’s level, and quickly glances at Kidd* Thiiiis much! *and he also puts out his arms* Sheepy: Satoru: I tricked you! Do you know what it means when two people stretch out their arms? Arsé-kun: Lupin: Oh no! Now you absolutely must tell me! Sheepy: Satoru: *He hugs Lupin* It’s time for hugs. Arsé-kun: Lupin: How cunning! I’ve been fooled! The first time in years! Sheepy: Satoru: It’s very evil! That’s what Holmes said. I thought of it myself. Arsé-kun: Lupin: You’re going to surpass your old man at this rate! Sheepy: Satoru:….!!! Sheepy: Satoru: Really? You think so? Arsé-kun: Lupin: He’s never gotten me. You have. The advantage is in your favor. Sheepy: Satoru: I’ll work extra hard to come up with a new trick. Sheepy: *….Something ice-cold and wet to boot suddenly goes down the back of Lupin’s shirt!* Arsé-kun: *Lupin screams and bolts out. Bye, Lupin.* Sheepy: Kidd:?! Sheepy: Rider: …. Arsé-kun: Mori: Rider, your timing continues to be downright terrible. Sheepy: Rider: “Why?” Sheepy: Satoru: *frown* Arsé-kun: Mori: Because he was not staying for long. You’ve only inconvenienced our guests. Couldn’t you do that on the way out? Sheepy: Rider: “You’re too picky.” Sheepy: Satoru: Is he leaving forever? Arsé-kun: Lupin: Non! *he pokes his head back around the doorframe* And you! You stop doing that, you fantomas! … Both definitions! Sheepy: Rider: *He crosses his arms* Arsé-kun: *meanwhile, Kay’s been considering just jacking an alcoholic beverage from the kitchen for the last who-knows-how-long. He’s still functional, but he absolutely doesn’t want to be* Sheepy: Kidd: Kay? Are you okay? Arsé-kun: Kay: I’m sober and still feeling like whichever Oz witch had the house fall on them. So, yyyyes? Sheepy: Kidd: Maybe you should sit down. Arsé-kun: Kay: Not to be that guy, but when are we going home? Sheepy: Kidd: We should go home so you can sit. Arsé-kun: Kay: Grifffffff! Sheepy: Grif, from upstairs: KAAAAAYYYYY! Arsé-kun: Kay: Come onnnn! Lets go home, Griff! Sheepy: *Grif rushes downstairs and to Kay* Arsé-kun: Kay: Wait, don’t run into me, I’ve got Kiddo! Sheepy: *Grif stops.* Arsé-kun: *Kay sighs in relief* Sheepy: Grif: What? What is it? Sheepy: Grif: I’m tired! I don’t care! Sheepy: Grif: So, what is it?! Arsé-kun: Kay: We’re going home! Sheepy: Grif: I don’t care! Do what you want!! Sheepy: Grif: I’m tired! Sheepy: *Buddy is peering in through the window. So is Elyan, who has locked eyes with Holmes…again* Arsé-kun: *and then Mori more or less kicked them out. GO HOME!* Sheepy: Holmes: Hmm. Arsé-kun: Mori: Do you find that bird interesting, detective? Sheepy: Holmes: I just don’t see birds like it very often. Sheepy: Holmes: Yet, despite that, I feel like I know it. Like it’s familiar… Arsé-kun: Mori: That sounds like a personal problem. Am I, your apparently dutiful Watson, dismissed? Sheepy: Holmes: Huh? Oh, yes, go ahead. Arsé-kun: Mori: Thank god. *he scoops up Satoru* We’ve got evil villain research to do. Sheepy: Satoru: Really? I get to join? Arsé-kun: Mori: Why wouldn’t you? There’s no math involved this time, I assure you. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: *and as they go to raid Medusa’s library, Mozart yells dumb things. He must be with Gil, streaming. Or, y'know, doing anything else, because this is MOZART* Arsé-kun: Mozart: This is downright terrible, I say! Dear Watson, let us instead go on an adventure! A butthole sniffing adventure! C'mooon! Arsé-kun: Mozart: Wait, wait, hold your applause! I have the best possible plan! *a brief pause* No, listen! I’ve heard a certain someone complain about this game before! The man himself, complaining about it? The views would be glorious! C'mooooooooon, Gil, Ant! Lets go on an adventure! It would be, as they say, the shit! Sheepy: Salieri: *He takes his eyes off of the desktop he’s working at and just stares at Mozart* Sheepy: Gil: You mean Holmes? Arsé-kun: Mozart: I absolutely do! Sheepy: Gil: Hm. We should go get him… it would be entertaining. Arsé-kun: Mozart: I’d absolutely love to hear his commentary about this so-called game. Sheepy: Salieri: It’s not too bad. Arsé-kun: Mozart: The soundtrack is fine, I suppose. Sheepy: Salieri: The gameplay doesn’t look that ba- Sheepy: Holmes: It’s that game, isn’t it? Arsé-kun: Lance: *he has also just arrived. He’s a mess, having just pulled off his armor and came in like that. Classy!* ?? Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, it could’ve been the good one, you should play the good one. You know, I’ve played that one before, for five hours. Arsé-kun: Mozart: We certainly do now! Do you care to elaborate, Gnolmes? Sheepy: Holmes: I still stand by my angry, broken self’s statement that whoever decided to put frame perfect quick time events about climbing up a chimney and having to clean SOOT for some unknown reason as you do, causing you to inevitably suffocate one of the baker street kids over and over again… Sheepy: Holmes:…As you get to the end but he just suffocates because you took .01 seconds too long… Sheepy: Holmes: As it taunts you with a skip button, only to throw you into ANOTHER quick time event with no instructions about cleaning shoes for SOME reason???? and then you inevitably fail because there’s no instructions and taking too long causes your suspicion meter go up to one level below max, only to throw you immediately into a stalking minigame once more where you’re very easily seen but your suspicion is max so you have to start over repeatedly with almost max stamina thanks to the shoe cleaning quick time event has NEVER played a game in their life!!! Arsé-kun: Lance: ….. Soooo you need a very high IQ to understand this game..? Sheepy: Holmes: Oh! Oh nono! It’s not the segments where you play as me at all! It’s the baker street kids! Sheepy: Holmes: I’m not one to brag, but people call me the greatest detective! Why does it take three hours to track ONE PERSON??? How hard can it be! Tracking one single man! Not hard at all, yes? Sheepy: Holmes: Until you get beat up by the same three bullies fifty times because the game doesn’t TELL you you can open doors! Most of them don’t work! Oh, and if you enter the door people get suspicious but you can’t explore nor get your bearings because if you take your eyes off of the man you’re following a countdown starts and you get a game over after TWO SECONDS. Arsé-kun: *Lance heads across the room and shifts a camera, so Holmes is actually in the frame* Arsé-kun: Mozart: That’s…. Certainly matching up with some of this gameplay.. Sheepy: Holmes: Oh, no, all you have to do to play my segments is just wander around aimlessly with no information on what to even do until you miraculously come upon some piece of evidence because you only just then learn that I can perceive things after you retrace your steps thirty times! No thanks to the game creator who doesn’t tell you this!!! Sheepy: Holmes: No, apparently, I just DON’T have eyes! Arsé-kun: *Angra peers in. Who is yelling? Who wants vengeance? Who be* Sheepy: Holmes: I have to hit a button to suddenly be able to use them! And there’s two different buttons, imagination and perceive, but imagination doesn’t seem to do anything at all! Am I just not imaginative!? Sheepy: Holmes: By normal human vision, no one can see that this shirt has pockets. Sheepy: Holmes: It takes a true master detective’s GENIUS perception to reveal that not only does it have pockets… Sheepy: Holmes: Maybe…just perhaps…bear with me, this is a huge stretch of logic.. Sheepy: Holmes: I could maybe…just maybe put my hand IN the pocket…and by pure luck perhaps there’s something inside. But remember! Only TRUE detectives can have this eureka moment! Sheepy: Holmes: And only when they’re twenty feet away. Arsé-kun: *Mozart has scrunched up his face and is hiding his barely-suppressed grin behind his fist. He’s trying so, so hard not to laugh* Arsé-kun: *Lance’s face is, has been, and will continue to be the emotional representation of text to speech saying “Wot”* Sheepy: Salieri: Huh. Sheepy: Holmes: “Oh, Holmes!” You must be thinking, “you’re being so critical! You only played it for five hours! That doesn’t sound too bad!” That’s where you’re wrong, my dear Watson! That! Is where you’re wrong! Sheepy: Holmes: I’m being very kind. Sheepy: Holmes: I didn’t even complain about where it expects you to be ambidextrous. Sheepy: Holmes: It’s fair that it’s used in a balance segment. Sheepy: Holmes: Which rushes you. Sheepy: Holmes: But it’s also used in a segment where I LISTEN to people? Sheepy: Holmes: If you aren’t ambidextrous, you’re deaf! Sheepy: Holmes: You just magically go deaf because you can’t control two circles moving in random directions! Sheepy: Holmes: And last but not least… Sheepy: Holmes: You can’t pet Toby. Arsé-kun: Angra: Atrocious. Sheepy: Holmes: I would accept everything else if Toby could be pet. Sheepy: Holmes: But that’s the deal breaker. I knew it was going to be horrible when I learned that Toby couldn’t be pet but not that bad! Sheepy: Salieri: Huh. Arsé-kun: Angra: Today we learned games are bad if you cant pet the dog. Sheepy: Gil: *He…starts cackling.* Arsé-kun: *Mozart also breaks down and starts howling with laughter. He tried so hard.* Sheepy: Holmes:? What? Arsé-kun: Lance: …. *he shrugs* I’m… Still figuring out the first part of that. Sheepy: Holmes: First part? Sheepy: *Salieri turns his attention back on his pudding cup* Arsé-kun: Lance: Yyyyou lost me at soot and shoes. Sheepy: Holmes: Don’t worry about it. Sherlock Holmes: Nemesis is better, but Arsene Lupin is not my nemesis. Sheepy: Holmes: He’s a good person. Arsé-kun: Angra: Aaaand that’s gonna be on the internet now! Kekeke! *he leans into frame to dab. Angra. Angra no.* Sheepy: Holmes: Hm? Arsé-kun: Angra: You don’t know about the internet? Huh. Sheepy: Holmes: I do. Arsé-kun: Angra: When a man compliments another man, someone inevitably draws porn of it! Sheepy: Holmes:….Hmm? Sheepy: Holmes: You’re joking. Arsé-kun: Angra: *he sulks* No! Why would I, the world’s evils, lie about the internet?! Sheepy: Holmes: Because you can. Arsé-kun: Angra: I’ll, uh, counter-detective you! I’ll give you screenshots and links. I’ll, uh…. Saturday morning cartoon villain threat at you! Sheepy: Holmes: But how do they know what Lupin looks like? Arsé-kun: Angra: They can just guess! Like how they guess everyone’s dick size! Sheepy: Holmes:…What Arsé-kun: Angra: The internet is really, really great! For porn! ~♪ *and mozart starts laughing again* Sheepy: Holmes: What? Arsé-kun: Angra: Huh. You were serious? Go detective the internet or something. Sheepy: Holmes: Why? Arsé-kun: Angra: *he shrugs* I dunno, but it sure sounded good! Arsé-kun: Angra: Anyway, since this villain has been permitted to speak, I’d like to make a humble, harmless request! Sheepy: Holmes: What? Arsé-kun: Angra: Oh, I meant to the King, but.. *he pokes at one of Holmes’ magnifying glasses* How’s this work? What are you, Inspector Gadget? Sheepy: Holmes: …Hm? Sheepy: Holmes: Ah, mind control. Arsé-kun: Angra: Neat! Sheepy: Holmes: Is that all? (Is that how it works…?) Arsé-kun: Angra: Nope! *he goes and LICKS the glass before going to harass Gil. Ya nasty* Arsé-kun: *Holmes gets a very quiet reply of “How would I know..?”. No one else seems to hear it. Not even Mozart.* Sheepy: Holmes: (How do I clean that…) Sheepy: Holmes: (Gross.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (Figure it out in the morning.) Sheepy: Holmes: (How helpful you are!) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (The last time I was asked that, I… Don’t recall what I suggested. My son called me a Useless Lesbian. Am I a lesbian? Is that a type of plant?) Arsé-kun: *the source of sherlocks iq loss is coming from inside the sherlock!* Sheepy: Holmes: (A lesbian is a woman who likes women.) Sheepy: Holmes: (…Right?) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (Why are you asking me?? Read a book with your eyes!) Sheepy: Holmes: (You have more!) Sheepy: Holmes: (…I’m assuming.) Arsé-kun: Holmes?: (Tell me how many work! I’m going back to sleep. Wake me up… llllater.) Sheepy: Holmes: (Fine, fine.) Arsé-kun: Angra: – C'mon, it’s nearly the spooky day! Horror! Play the horrible game! Sheepy: Gil: No! Sheepy: Salieri: *He’s ignoring what’s going on in favor of pudding.* Arsé-kun: *Mozart has wrapped a pillow around his head (and ears) but is watching this all happen* Sheepy: Gil: If you want to consume trash, you consume it yourself! Don’t be a weakling who can’t even face his own challenges, mongrel! Arsé-kun: Angra: You’ve got the controller! A lowly peon like me isn’t worthy of touching the gold controller! Sheepy: Gil: Hah. Haha. Kuhahahahaha! Sheepy: Gil: What a fool you are! Sheepy: Gil: Do you think that that kind of flattery will make me play this game!? Pah! You disappoint me again and again, Avenger! Arsé-kun: Angra: Fantastic! Then I’ll take that as permission to do so myself! *and he reaches for the controller, actively draping as much of himself as he can over Gil to do so.* Sheepy: Gil: Don’t touch me, you’re gross! Arsé-kun: Angra: Then hand it over! Sheepy: Gil: No! Sheepy: Gil: Buy your own! Arsé-kun: Angra: With what?? All the curses of the world doesn’t earn me shit! Sheepy: Gil: Have you considered ever getting a job? Arsé-kun: Angra: … …Nope! Arsé-kun: Angra: If you don’t like that answer, here’s a few more! *ahem.* I have, but I’ll kill everyone! Or… I’m heavily cursed with incompetence. Arsé-kun: Angra: There’s an entire slew of jokes about human racism somewhere around here! *and he “searches” the room* And who’s gonna hire a kid with no experience? Sheepy: Gil: Wcdonalds. Arsé-kun: Angra: That’s too easy to fuck up! … And I don’t think they want mud on their uniforms! Arsé-kun: Angra: …. But I’ll think about it! Sheepy: Gil: Fine. *LATER* ~ The loud thunk of something heavy falling over.

The hollow clacking of empty metal cans rolling across the concrete driveway. The excited laughter of a man who had discovered this afternoon’s dinner - a laugh of joy more fitting of an explorer who had discovered the treasure that he had spent his life seeking, but to this ratty manslayer, nothing, past, present, nor future could be as valuable as the untouched, forgotten lunchmeat from the back of the fridge that was eventually discovered and tossed due to potentially containing unimaginable horrors of bacteria.

These were the sounds that accompanied the Gushiken residence’s uninvited guest.  He held up the mystery meat to his mouth, not bothered by its unusual color.  He took a bite and hummed.  Ah, protein- ah, meat- delicious meat.  He went to take another bite, only to hear the sound of footsteps slowly approach him.  He reached for his sword and twisted around, pointing it at the face of the intruder.  The blade, however, met nothing.  Izou hesitantly looked down, only to be met by…

“Hi, does that taste good?” Satoru blankly stared at the strange man.

“Ain’t you juss a lil’ pipsqueak!” Izou slurred out his words, a drunken grin spread across his face, bending down to Satoru’s level, “What, are’ya th one I got to thank for lunch?  Yeahyeah, it’s like a bite of heaven or sum’n!  Whatever that phrase is, you know it, yeah?”

Satoru blinked, unfazed by the man who attempted to kill him two seconds prior.  He tilted his head, getting a better look at the manslayer, “are you hungry?  We have better food inside, but if you want to eat that, that’s fine too.”

“Oi, kiddo, I ssspent all I got at that casino everyone’s goin’ on about, so don’t expect me to pay you nothing.  Spent the rest I had on a bottle of sake, but that’s all gone!  Fuhaha~” Izou laughed at his own misfortune, “Oho!  I’ve got it!  If I steal you away and hold your parents ransom, that’ll get me a good amount of sake and I’ll win the jackpot!  I saw somethin’ about that on those television things.”

“So, pipsqueak, you know bout that, right?”  He tilted his head, copying Satoru’s body language.  “I don’t know -“ he paused, stopping himself from cursing.  He might be a manslayer, but he also knows not to curse in front of children, “I don’t know stuff about…stuff.  So we could work together!  You be the brains, I be the evil villain, and in the end I get loads of cash to use in stupid ways!  So, whaddya say, partner?”  Izou puffed out his chest, proud of his plan, and held out his hand.

“I have to ask my parents first.  Is that okay?  Also, I have to get back by 3:00 because my favorite show is at at time,” Satoru replied.

“Eh?  Yeah, sure.  I can even come with you.  Here, let’s go together to ask!” Izou chirped, shooting upwards from his squatting position and taking Satoru’s hand, dragging him towards the front door.

Being lead inside by the dirty, unkempt assassin- now an intruder to boot - Satoru glanced around, looking for his family.  Loud barking began the second Izou set foot into the house, and a certain Lancer’s voice rung through the air. “Oi, Satoru!  How many time do I have to tell you NOT to bring in door to door salesman?  This is the fifth time this week!  We aren’t buying!  Leave!” Cu shouted angrily, his shrieks being heard throughout the house.

“Cu, this ruffly man asked if I could let him kidnap me so you could pay ransom.  Is that okay?”  Satoru asked, deadpan.

Cu’s eyes widened in surprised, his mouth agape.  Did he hear that right?  He couldn’t have heard that right, right?  How could his Master be so stupid- how could a kidnapper be so stupid?  "K-Kiddo, you can’t just…  Listen, I don’t know who you are or what you want, but if you think you can touch my Master with your grubby hands, you’ve got another thing coming!“  Cu summoned Gae Bolg to his side.

"Are you making fun of me?  I’m dirty and covered in trash but ain’t grubby!”  Izou snapped out of his drunken state upon seeing the glimmer of the red spear, “if you’re making fun of me, I’ll KILL you, you stupid, smart man!”  Izou barked viciously, readying his blade.

Satoru sat down on the floor, watching the two men ready themselves to fight.  He discovered a piece of pocket lint in his pocket and began to inspect it, tuning out the sounds of combat as their weapons clashed.  Eventually, Gilgamesh strolled in with a bottle of wine, drinking out of it as he plopped down next to Satoru.

“Hmhm, this is quite the deadbeat you’ve brought in today, Cursed Child,” Gilgamesh smirked.

“He’s trying to kidnap me and hold me for ransom so I asked Cu if it was okay and he got angry for some reason-” Satoru was cut off by Gilgamesh’s cackling. - Suddenly overpowering Gilgamesh’s laughter and the clashing of weapons was a set of enraged screams. Barely containing himself, Lancelot tore his way into the fight, easily taking ahold of the Gae Bulg and turning it against it’s owner. “Hey, you stay out of this! This is between us-!” Cu tried to warn, ducking right before the Gae Bulg became one with the wall.

With Cu now preoccupied, the Mad Dog whirled around to face Izou, only to be nearly cut wide open. Snarling and spitting blood from Izou’s attempt, Lancelot lunged for Izou’s blade, pushing Izou himself aside. Taking it in his claws as easily as the Gae Bulg, Lancelot… Ran off with it, howling some distorted victory cry and utterly trashing the door frame. ~ Arsé-kun: Herc: …. …. *he’s just standing there, ominously.* Sheepy: Izou: GIVE THAT BACK! Sheepy: Izou: GIVE IT BACK! IT’S MY PARTNER! GIVE IT BACK! STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! YOU’RE MAKING FUN OF ME! I HATE IT! I HATE YOU! IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU Arsé-kun: *Herc groans and grabs Cu by the back of his shirt* Sheepy: Cu: NononONONO Arsé-kun: *.. And places Cu on his shoulder before (very, VERY easily) pulling the gae bulg out of the wall. Here you go, dog, this is your stick* Sheepy: *Cu snatches it away and huffs* Arsé-kun: Herc: *Grunt.* *and he runs out with Cu, chasing down Izou and Lancelot. He’s got at least one of Cu’s legs secured, it’s ok* Sheepy: Cu: Wait, wait, hold on, where are we going!? Arsé-kun: Herc: ▃▅▅▅! *cu, i dont know what you expected.* Sheepy: Cu: ………..*Stare* Arsé-kun: *Thankfully, both Izou and Lancelot are easy to track down. They’re both screaming. They’re running circles around the house(s)* Arsé-kun: *and here’s Lance again, skidding around the corner on all fours. He’s still got the sword.* Sheepy: *Izou is chasing after him at top speed, screaming at the top of his lungs. STOP LAUGHING AT ME STOPSTOPSTOP I HATE YOU* Arsé-kun: *Herc reaches up and grabs Cu’s arm. Grunt? y/n?* Sheepy: Cu: Wh-what are you doing? Arsé-kun: *Herc points to the two yelling servants as they round the corner again* Sheepy: Cu: Yeah, yeah, sure, I can hit them. Sheepy: *Cu readies Gae Bolg* Arsé-kun: *As soon as the servants enter sight, Heracles tosses Cu. Combination Noble Phantasm: Boomelancer- Spinning Assault Blue Lancer!* Sheepy: Cu: I’M COMING FOR YOUR HEART! GAE….BOLG! *He launches Gae Bolg at the two!* Arsé-kun rolled a die. The die showed: 6 Arsé-kun rolled a die. The die showed: 6 Arsé-kun: *Izou is instantly impaled! Lance panics and veers to the side, but the Gae Bulg zips right after him! Two for two! Double kill!* Sheepy: Izou: AAAUGH!? AAAUUUGH! My heart! My heart! *He coughs up blood* Why!? He…he was laughing at me! He was laughing at me! Stop it…! Sheepy: Cu: *He sticks the landing, skidding to a stop.* Arsé-kun: Lance: *he whines, dropping the sword and looking down* Sheepy: Izou: *He’s clutching his chest, weakly clambering for his beloved sword upon hearing it drop.* Arsé-kun: *Herc lumbers over and plops a hand on Cu’s head. Good job, dog.* Sheepy: Cu: *He jumps a bit before understanding what the headpat means.* Hey, good job to you too, pal! *He flashes Herc a huge grin.* Arsé-kun: *Herc grins back!* Sheepy: Izou: *He pulls his sword close to himself before finally collapsing all together, blood pooling to the ground.* Arsé-kun: Lance: *he plops down next to Izou and pouts. Adult.* Sheepy: Satoru: Uncle Lance? Did he bully you? Arsé-kun: Lance: N… Non.. Sheepy: Satoru: He seems nice. Sheepy: Cu:….Uh, Pal, maybe wait for a bit to visit Lancelot, alright? Sheepy: Satoru: Did you know? He came in because he was going to steal me for ransom money. We came in to ask my parents about it but Cu started beating him up for some reason. Arsé-kun: Lance: …. mmmmhm. Arsé-kun: *And out comes Minako, absolutely beyond angry. Words she probably learned from Hyde are put to FANTASTIC use. Satoru, don’t listen.* Sheepy: Satoru: *He backs off. Angry people are scary.* Sheepy: Cu: Yo. Arsé-kun: Minako: What the fuck? Whose idea was this? *she kicks Herc in the shin. 0 damage. He ignores it entirely* Sheepy: Cu: Well, they were both equally in the wrong. Arsé-kun: Minako: Agh, forget it! You guys are on anti-Gil duty now! *she presses her seals and mutters under her breath. Lancelot is healed in exchange for three (3) command seals!* Sheepy: Cu: He’s your Servant. Sheepy: Cu: Not mine. Sheepy: Satoru: But what about my friend? Arsé-kun: Minako: If he comes after anybody in your half, it’s your problem– Huh? *she looks to Izou* I can pop a First Aid, but that’s about it..! Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: *And she casts first aid! It… Doesn’t help much* Sheepy: *Izou shivers some but doesn’t stand.* Sheepy: Cu: Well, now what? Sheepy: Satoru: I want to help. Arsé-kun: *Herc looks back at the house and activates his own Guts, like he expects something* Sheepy: Satoru: But how? Arsé-kun: Minako: Maybe he’ll join you? That’s how I got Jekyll.. *she’s watching the glitter. from Izou. we know what that means.* Sheepy: Satoru: *He slowly approaches Izou* Here, if you want to live, make a contract with me. Sheepy: Izou: *He clumsily reaches out and grabs Satoru’s outstretched hand. The contract has been made!* Arsé-kun: *and just like that, the glittering stops! .. Izou is still bleeding out, but his spirit origin is intact! And that’s what counts!* Sheepy: Izou: Aaaahhh… Heck, I didn’t mean to come out here and get a new Master! I’m just starving….! Arsé-kun: Minako: Then come in and chow down. At least, before someone else does! Sheepy: Izou: *He weakly stands, clenching his teeth.* Arsé-kun: *Lance just watches, with his not-red visor.* Arsé-kun: *Herc goes to help Lance up, but Lance pushes his hand away. So he grabs Lance by the ponytail before picking up Izou with his free arm. He is Helping!* Sheepy: Izou: Uh?! Sheepy: Izou: What are you doing? I can walk myself! Arsé-kun: *Herc ignores him. We know it’s ignorance because he looks somewhere else before starting to lumber back inside.* Sheepy: *Satoru follows behind Herc, Cu rushing after him in case Herc decides to back up for any reason.* Arsé-kun: *and Mink takes up the rear, not excited to see her other servants realizing she’s got no seals at the moment.* Arsé-kun: Hans: *he wasn’t there when they went outside. He showed up JUST to see what’s going on* We need more rat traps. Sheepy: Satoru: Hi, Andersen. Sheepy: Satoru: I made a new friend today. Sheepy: Satoru: He wanted to steal me away and hold my parents ransom so I came in to ask about that. Sheepy: Satoru: He joined me and then Cu started beating him up for some reason. Arsé-kun: Hans: I see this. Congratulations on your new dog. Do you want a repeat with you-know-who? That’s what it would lead to. *he shrugs* Sheepy: Satoru: I wouldn’t like that very much. Sheepy: Izou: Are you making fun of me…? Arsé-kun: Hans: Nope, but I can do that if you’d like. Free of charge. Sheepy: Izou: Don’t! I hate it when people make fun of me! Sheepy: Izou: They talk about stuff I don’t get and nobody ever explains it to me! They act all smart and then leave me out because I’m dumb. Sheepy: Izou: So if you make fun of me, I’ll cut you down! Arsé-kun: Hans: Brave of you to admit your own faults. How noble of you! But yes, I can understand that type of frustration. Sheepy: Izou:…Huh? Sheepy: Izou: *He tilts his head* …? Sheepy: Izou: I must not be fully sober, 'cause I thought you complimented me…no one ever does that! Arsé-kun: Hans: People nowadays try to insist they’re perfect, so someone freely admitting things they hate is refreshing! Do you want to get less sober? I can arrange for that! Arsé-kun: *hans is smirking. oh no.* Sheepy: Izou: Oh, oh man! This is paradise! I like it here! I get to have booze and people are nice to me!!! Sheepy: Izou: I knew that was the right trashcan to eat out of! Arsé-kun: Hans: *he glances up to Cu and just nods. He acknowledges you but has no insults for you. This is repeated for Herc. And then he kicks Lancelot.* You sad sack of shit, own up to your own behavior before I buy you a muzzle. Sheepy: Satoru: It’s okay, Uncle Lance. Everyone has their bad days. But if you get sad and do nothing about it, it won’t help anything. Sheepy: Satoru: Truly improving takes acknowledging your faults and working hard to fix them. That’s really hard to do but I believe in you. Arsé-kun: Lance: …. …. Did that first one already. Arsé-kun: Hans: Saber! *he raises his voice a notch* Come get your sad husband! He’s pouting on the carpets again! Sheepy: Bedi, from another room: That’s normal! I’m coming, Merlin!! Arsé-kun: Hans: …Not you! Unless your husband is a Berserker now? Sheepy: Bedi: No, he isn’t, sorry! Arsé-kun: Hans: Well, you’re up now! Please get the other Saber! Sheepy: Bedi: Okay, I’ll be right back! Sheepy: Tristan: *He walks in and plops down near Lancelot* You need to be beautiful to be sad all the time. Arsé-kun: Hans: Good god, why is everyone but the right person showing up? Sheepy: Tristan: I’m always the right person to go to. *He changes his position to a sexy pose* I’m that beautiful. Arsé-kun: *Herc moves out of the way for them* Sheepy: Bedi: I’m here too if you need me. Arsé-kun: Lance: *he looks up at them, goes to get up, and ends up back on his ass. pain hurts* Sheepy: *Guin comes over and sits down next to Lance* Sheepy: *Tristan changes his pose once more.*. Sheepy: Tristan: It’s hard being so perfect. Arsé-kun: Merlin: *he shows up in the doorway before diving and sliiiiiding over in a perfect French Girl pose* :D Sheepy: Tristan: Oh dear, it’s competition. Arsé-kun: Merlin: No, it’s Merlin! Arsé-kun: Hans: …. Lets move this somewhere else. *and he climbs onto Herc’s shoulder* Sheepy: Bedi:…Is this how we’re cheering him up…? Arsé-kun: Merlin: By being silly? Sure, why not? It’s effective more often than not! *he rolls over and extends a leg. he looks ridiculous. hes almost wrapped in his own hair. merlin* Sheepy: Bedi: W-well, if that’s the case- I will assist you as best as I can! Sheepy: Satoru: *He reaches to take Herc’s hand. Let’s walk together!* Arsé-kun: *Herc allows this, and waits for Minako to grab on before exiting scene* Arsé-kun: Hans: So… Were you going to tell us you used all of your seals? Arsé-kun: Minako: Nope! Sheepy: Satoru: Seals? Where? Sheepy: Satoru: I saw some at the zoo. Arsé-kun: *Mink holds up her hand for Satoru to see. Those red tattoos are mostly gone!* Sheepy: Satoru: You got the sharpie off. Arsé-kun: Minako: ’s not sharpie. It’s magic! They help keep servants under control, like HYDE… Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Arsé-kun: Hans: So, we’re doomed for like 24 hours. Arsé-kun: Hans: … Not actually. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Sheepy: Satoru: So the seals made Holmes stupid? Arsé-kun: Minako: Nope, that’s just him being special. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Hans: The point that should be made here is that, if this is realized, some of us may begin to be obnoxious. I personally plan to be blackout drunk for the duration. Sheepy: Satoru: Why? Arsé-kun: Hans: To avoid it all and because I need a break. Sheepy: Satoru: That’s understandable. You work hard. Arsé-kun: Minako: And I’d allow it anyway! *she tries to reach up and pat Hans. Can’t reach.* I’m more worried about the other guys. Gil and Proto, anyway. Sheepy: Satoru: Why Proto? Arsé-kun: Minako: If he panics and spasms, it’s… Probably going to do damage. To Gil. Specifically. Arsé-kun: Minako: And by extension, KoGil might get hit. … Oh, but I don’t know if he’ll try anything. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Arsé-kun: Hans: The moral of the story is that some of us are on a tighter leash than yours. Without that leash, we don’t know what they’re going to do. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Hans: You’re so okay with it. Master should take tips from you. Sheepy: Satoru: Why? Arsé-kun: Hans: *he sighs* She expects them to start fighting again the minute they realize it. I’ve seen it happen before, but we now have at least ten more meatshields. Sheepy: Satoru: Oh. Sheepy: Satoru: Dad is strong. Dad can help. Arsé-kun: Hans: And it would be great if he did. He is easily the best Liz-wrangler I’ve ever seen. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. I’ll ask him. Arsé-kun: Minako: Thanks! Sheepy: *Satoru heads off to find Vlad.* Arsé-kun: *Vlad is, of course, in the basement, finishing up on someone’s costume and kicking Carmilla off the table for the 15th time that hour* Sheepy: Satoru: *He walks over and sits down next to Vlad.* Arsé-kun: Vlad: Good evening. Who was screaming? Sheepy: Satoru: The guy eating out of our trashcan. He’s my friend now. Sheepy: Satoru: We came looking for you because he wanted to kidnap me for ransom money, but Cu beat him up. Sheepy: Satoru: It’s okay though. He’s better now. Arsé-kun: *Vlad contemplates this information. He’s not happy about it, but he also isn’t complaining* Sheepy: Satoru: Hercules has him currently. Arsé-kun: Vlad: …. I’ll have to meet him later, then. Sheepy: Satoru: Uhuh. Sheepy: Satoru: He was eating the meat from the back of the fridge. Sheepy: Satoru: He smells bad. Arsé-kun: Vlad: ….. … I’ll keep that in mind. Sheepy: Satoru: Okay. Arsé-kun: Vlad: … So would you like your costume now or later? Sheepy: Satoru: Any time is fine. Arsé-kun: Vlad: If you so insist. *he removes a carefully folded bundle from under the table* Sheepy: Satoru: What’s that? Arsé-kun: Vlad: Your costume. Go ahead and unfold it. Sheepy: *Satoru does as suggested.* Arsé-kun: *it’s a copy of moriarty’s coat.. suit, thing! also, detailed schematics fall out of it.* Sheepy: Satoru: …….! Arsé-kun: Vlad: *he looks nervous for a moment, not sure what to make of Satoru’s silence* Arsé-kun: *Then he recalls who, exactly, he is dealing with.* Sheepy: *A huge smile spreads across his face! Satoru can smile???* Arsé-kun: Vlad: I’m glad you like it. Sheepy: Satoru: Yes. Thank you. Arsé-kun: Vlad: You’re very welcome. *he lightly pats Satoru’s head* Sheepy: Satoru: *He’s marvelling at the costume…* Arsé-kun: *Vlad is softly smiling. Satoru is so happy! He loves it.*

[tube-thoughts-blog]

tube thoughts vol. 5

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star- dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

Hanna-Barbera present Hillbilly Bears - "Woodpecked" *To stop Maw from nagging his lazy ass, Paw hatches a plan that involves hooking two woodpeckers up, only it backfires, when their screwing reproduces.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: "The Robot versus The Aztec Mummy" *Bring me the head of Montezuma, and make it snappy. MOOVVIIEE SIGGGGNNNNN!* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 2 stars without

Scare Tactics: ---- *Gorilla with a Fist: A slacker goes apeshit during an animal rights activist holdup at a crazy testing lab.* 2 1/2 stars

Anger Mis-Management: Aggression therapy gone wrong.* 2 stars

Fear Antics - The Mandroid: An idiot is convinced to act like a robot and wishes he hadn't when a slow thinking human goes crazy with a crowbar.* 3 stars

World's Scariest Flowers/Smell of Fear: A stalker's special delivery.* 3 stars

----

I'm Alan Partridge: The Talented Mr. Alan *"I was repellant, to women, for two years."* 3 stars

The Prisoner -- 1967 - 1968 -- "Arrival" *A Brit spy awakens in a sickly serene and isolated village from which there is no escape or cerebral evasion.* 3 stars

Shock 'Em Dead (Traci Lords) *A pizza slicin', and always being picked on, poindexter succumbs to the temptation of glowing green goo voodoo in order to become a 'rock god' in a prissy 80's hair-band.* 2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Judy Miller Come On Down *A bitchy yuppy's boulevard of boring dreams.* 1/2 a star *Gameshow good fortune forces a 'days of future past' visitation experience.*      2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents J.J. Ambrams "Lost" (pilot episode) *"When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without, and zero stars for the vomit vision use of shaking camera

Hanna-Barbera present Jonny Quest: Arctic Splashdown *The team travel to the North Pole to play around with whales, seals, walruses, and the coca cola polar bears. They also try to stop a Ruskie submarine crew from tampering with a crashed, in the ice, rocket.* 3 stars

"Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" *I was a stubborn human, refusing to give "Rise" a fair chance. I wanted humans, in ape costumes, acting ape. "Dawn" is smarter, and more well made, than any modern "Apes" movie has any right to be. Also, the scene where the villain ape rides horseback, through flames, firing twin machine-guns, during an all out ape-assault, on the human stronghold fortress is the most fun, and satisfying, thing that I've seen, in one of these "Apes" movies, since I first witnessed apes, on horseback, net a fleeing savage-human in the Charlton Heston' "Apes" classic.* 3 stars

Stargate -- Atlantis: "Rising" *Cracking through the ice to find the ancient city of the 'Gate Builders.' Genetically dialing into the unknown. Angels with ugly appetites.* 3 stars

Z Nation: Die, Zombie, Die... Again *Zombie Groundhog Day* 1 star

The Mothman Prophecies *An "It's A Wonderful Life" George Bailey type sad-sack goes chasing a shadowy figure through his own personal Unsolved Mysteries story.* 3 stars

Rifftrax presents "Paranormal Activity" 2007 *Uninspired. for the immature,'shock' end similar to those trick internet videos where a Linda Blair face pops up and screeches when you're staring at something bland for a while.so uncreative that it's more of a threat to the art of filmmaking than digital piracy.* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1/2 a star without

Swamp Thing: Spirit of the Swamp *Green thumb for a black rose.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Challenge of the Wizards *A wacky race, on horseback and roadwarrior vehicles, through a destroyed sin city, for the prize of the ultimate wizard's helmet.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -- Freakshow: "Pink Cupcakes" *Small screen jealousy. Picnic poisoning attempt. Girl with a goober gynecological visit. Gay bar American Psycho. Strongman finger torture. Missing maid's daughter. Lobster Boy looking for true love. Morbidity fame dreams. More David Bowie.* 3 stars

Bob Clampett's "Beany and Cecil" 1962 *"Your obedient serpent" a cartoon dragon handpuppet searches for a treasure in goldfish, solves an illegal eagle's bald shame, and screws up looking after the taco bell dog. Complete with commercials for Chatty Cathy, Matty Mattel, and Casper dolls, along with a Beany toy helicopter hat, plus the kid from 'Lost in Space' gets his own Dick Tracy official snub-nose revolver and tommy-gun (so realistic, modern parents' groups would be up in arms, ha.)* 3 stars

Silent Hill: Revelation *Ned Stark, and his bastard, try to protect Alice from underland. Flawed, but a better frightmare than its cousin series, Resident Evil.* 2 stars

Dr. Caligari 1989 *New-Wave Psycho-Sexual DADA Expressionism* 3 stars

Max Headroom --pilot episode-- "Blipverts" *Network 23's hotshot reporter is serious about getting a story, even if the higher ups are willing to snuff him out to stop it. That story being that subliminal sales messages cause slovenly viewers to suddenly 'splode.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: "Mad Monster" *Long in the tooth, and low on thrills, tale of a lobo named Petro.* 2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 without

Amityville 2: The Possession *Building on burial ground. Basement from hell. Blasphemy. Bad ideas coming from the voice in the headphones. Big, mean daddy. Bad parenting. Beating the kids. Blessing a bloody bed. Bellybutton penetration. Body horror. Bad touch with sister. Blue confession. Black mood birthday. Bullets for loved ones. Batshit defense in court. Bureaucracy of the church. Boy saved by sacrifice. Being forsaken.* 3 stars

Heart She Hollers: And So It Begends *The "Boss" of a grotesque backwoods town tries to continue to micro-manage from beyond via a surreal video-will and his idiot son that he kept secretly bricked up until now.* 2 1/2 stars

"Born Innocent" (Linda Blair) *Cold, mechanical 'justice' for juveniles. Few caring influences. Peers that are jealous hurtful monsters. Disinterested or damaging parental figures. Yearning and underdeveloped 'wards' of whoever is forced to deal with them, and it's unfortunately a system drained of any constructive compassion or intelligent humanity.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: *Zombie Baby: The crew think they have a great idea, a zombie baby (rolls eyes). And they keep screwing up the gross birth scene and nervous kiss scene.* 1 star *Stunt-Double: The chubby mama's boy can't be thrown out of a window, so... a black guy has to take the plunge, instead.* 1 star

The Walking Dead: Self Help *Abraham scares people. He scares his family into fleeing from him, in a flashback, resulting in their deaths. He's about to commit suicide when he meets Eugene and finds his new purpose in life. Eugene needs to watch Abraham and Rosita have sex. He also needs people to believe he's smart. It's been tearing at him and he must confess his dark secret, but this might tear Abraham, and everyone else in the group, apart.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues --pilot episode-- "Station" *Happy go lucky until it gets heavy and hits with a hard left hook.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive-In: The New Kids *Two orphaned army brats go to live at their uncle's rundown carnival/petting zoo in backwoods Florida where a gang of good ole boys (lead by a creepy James Spader), who won't take no for an answer, decide to make their lives a living hell. Hicksploitation from the creator of the original Friday the 13th.*3stars

William Friedkin's "The Guardian" *A wood nymph (is that what she is?) who frolics & forest bathes nude. A killer tree, like  from Evil Dead, that rips people apart. Fairytale like wolves devouring human flesh. Nice modern architectured home. Beautiful wind cinematography like an Andrei Tarkovsky film. Skinemax levels of eroticism. Hansel & Gretel. Hand That Rocked the Cradle. Jeep Wrangler to the rescue. A little ham-fisted. Fun gore fx.* 2 1/2 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: Legacy of Terror *For a year, Erik Estrada's character, PEPE, gets to hangout in a high-end hotel, play a flute, and be pawed over by beautiful blondes. That is if he willingly sacrifices his heart to an Aztec mummy. The fifth sacrifice in an every fifty two year ritual where the heroic are skewered so the blood god will someday rise again.* 2 1/2 stars

Sam Raimi's "Darkman" *Liam Neeson channels Lon Chaney & Boris Karloff doing Tex Avery & Chuck Jones cartoon  stunts meets a macabre moody Bruce Timm & Paul Dini cartoon story in one of the first truly good comic style movies.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Corner of the Eye *A dying priest, suffering from demonic visions, is all out of bubblegum, and patience, with his alien overlords, even though they've given him a seemingly miraculous gift.* 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents: The Bermuda Triangle -1978- *"Annoying sounds and boring repeatitive visuals, Bermuda Triangle, you spoil me."*  3 stars with riffing 1 1/2 stars without

Adult Swim, Newsreaders: *Motorboating Dads: Bros give parental advice for sons.* 2 stars *The Negative $100,000 Question: Smug,unfunny Children's Hospital"celebrity."* zero stars

The Simpsons: Itchy & Scratchy *"So television is responsible!" For the problems with the youth, today, that is. Ahead of its time in pointing out how media protests groups are misguided, could be making better use of their time, and hypocritical. Though it doesn't go easy on the media, either, which is why shows like Simpsons & South Park can be such good satires.* 3 stars

"Wavelength" 1983 *Sublime, stranded and subdued Navi 'children' send out strong signals that they'd like to  unobtain our stringent hospitality in this low fi sci fi forgotten classic.* 3 stars

Town of the Living Dead: Zombie Fun Run *The town asses (Thr33 Days Dead) organize a run-from-zombies-a-thon, and the town's assclown (Ben Farley) causes one of the town's jackass mascots (a mule statue) to get ran over, leading to the town's asshole authorities going out and catching Thr33 Days Dead with their pants down and their ass hanging out when they ask them to stop being a zombie pain in the ass all over town and ban them from filming in Jas(s)per.* 2 stars

Twin Peaks: The Path to the Black Lodge *"We are all God's fools, more or less, but you will learn, as I have, the value of hate."* 3 stars

Joseph Zito & Tom Savini present "The Prowler" 1981  --Veteran's Day Movie-- *I'll be seeing you in all the old, familiar places that this heart of mine embraces... I'll be looking at the moon, but I'll be slashing you... and pitchforking too...* 3 stars

Chuck Jones' "Yankee Doodle Cricket" *Call it macaroni* 2 1/2 stars

Sam Peckinpah's "The Osterman Weekend" *A cynical, Cold War, conniving version of 'The Big Chill.'* 3 stars

"Thr33 Days Dead" (Why not two e letters instead of two of the number 3? It doesn't look 'cool' and it becomes possible to mistake the title for a 'The 33 Days Dead,' at a glance.) *Plague of the 'People of Walmart'* 2 1/2 stars (It's more entertaining than Birdemic) or 1 1/2 stars (It's almost as poorly made as Birdemic) ---(((this movie is just asking to be riffed by rifftrax)))---

Scare Tactics------------ season 2 episode 6 *: A plumber's helper stumbles onto (Silence of the Lamb's) Buffalo Bill's messy bathroom secret.* 3 stars

*: "Are you kidding me, bro?... WTF, bro?..." Late night, middle of nowhere, construction site, strange cult terrorizing a bro scenario.* 2 1/2 stars

*: "You got me trippin'... I watch 'shit' on t.v." A goofy girl gets going- going- gone, when Mummyhotep begins to step.* 2 1/2 stars

*: A telekinetic tween's tantrum.* 2 stars

----------------------------------------------------

X Files ---pilot episode--- *A logical, lady FBI agent gets assigned to keep tabs on the guy, in the basement, lurking in the unexplained phenomena cases.* 3 stars

Bizarre Foods -- Ireland: Ancient Bog Butter *Waxing poetic over 3,000 year old marsh gunk.* 2 1/2 stars

A Return to Salem's Lot --1987-- *Diverges, almost entirely, from the mood and suspense of Tobe Hooper's Salem's Lot. I don't even see this as being the same Salem's Lot setting as that first tv movie. That one was quirky, to an extent, but this one is really quirky. It's a Larry Cohen style (It Lives & The Stuff) 'American Gothic' fatherhood/son struggle and a secret society / corrupt small town stake to the heart of a movie. Featuring a young Tara Reid as a Lucy Westerena type, an old bitter Jewish man as a nazi hunter turned Van Helsing, and a cultural anthropologist who ironically has to try to destroy one of the oldest fabled civilizations.* I give it between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Blood Wind *A mason jar filled with murderous moonshine mist that puts everyone in a killer rage. Mr.Butterfingers, Swamp Thing, accidentally lets the lid off of it to hilarious results. The craziest, best episode yet.* 3 stars

Farscape: DNA Mad Scientist *On a rock, covered with giant dinosaur bones, floating in a cold corner of space, a grotesque menagerie of lab workers now serve one of their experiments gone wrong. A stilt stepping, kinky outfit wearing, feline-esque Dr. Frankenstein seeks out all the best traits of every living creature, in the known universe, in order to further advance its own twisted evolution.* 3 stars

BBC All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: Love and Power *The speculative power of computer systems versus the supreme success of global forces  like the Chinese. The desires of self superior people like Ayn Rand versus the so called weak and in need. Also, for some reason, a lot of looking back at Monica Lewinsky on her knees.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story -- Asylum -- "Welcome to Briarcliff" *There are none so blind as those who will not willingly receive electroshock treatment and give morning confessional.* 2 1/2 stars

Bob & Margaret: A Tale of Two Dentists *Neglecting needs of his customers and wife leads to Bob losing them both, and both being  diddled by a bogus dentist & real looney known by the alias Harry Ramsbottom.* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: "The Colour of Alan" *"I am happy. That may vwwewy wewwl be because I'm on morphine."* 3 stars

Paranormal State: Season 1 Episode 5 *A shaken teen girl, from Sin City, is seeing the scarred and strangled spirit, of a San Antonio teen girl, who died around the same age as she is during the paranormal state investigation of the situation.* 2 1/2 stars

Stephen King's 'Kingdom Hospital' season 1 episode 2 *"Inside the skull is another universe. The strangest, scariest haunted house of them all." Or in Lars Von Trier's and Stephen King's cases, a silly sausage factory featuring surgeons with unzipped flys, creepy ice cream man demons, aardvark assassins, and candle light dinners in the morgue.* 3 stars

--- Hanna-Barbera --- Hillbilly Bears: "Modern Inconvenience" *Paw gets mangled by Maw's flirtation with the new-fangled.* 3 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Valley of the Man-Apes *To protect the village of the Lollipop Guild, a group of stinky simians must be stopped from reassembling an abandoned movie studio's animatronic King Kong.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's 'Drive-In Theater' presents "The First Power" *Another dime-a-dozen body hopping demonic serial killer thriller. Lou Diamond Phillips' idea of playing a hardboiled detective is to pass an unlit cigarette between his lips and his fingers, constantly, and to wear a heavy, black trenchcoat, during the heat of the day, in downtown Los Angeles. The Richard Ramirez type, "Pentagram Killer," has satanic powers of a super human variety. Also, a lot of side characters' stunt doubles doing unintentionally comedic acrobatics and kicks to the groin.* 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Women of the Prehistoric Planet *Time paradoxes. Stereotype sneaky "Japs." Toasted thunder-lizard. Rubber snake attack. Tropical set design studio setting. Rodney Dangerfield wannabe comic relief. Death by "plush toy" hopping spider on a wire. A boy, 'all alone,' named Tang. Blue Lagoon romance picnic. Red hiney monkey. Racist astronaut shoots the first minority he sees. Feel good ending where the two minority lovebirds are abandoned, by the spaceship, on a paradise planet, with an extremely active volcano and killer cavemen.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star w/out

Hanna-Barbera -- Jonny Quest: The Curse of Anubis *Hadji's Hindu whack a mole magic, flute serpent charming, and Jonny's motorscooter camel-jockey skills help stop a doomed thief from uniting the Arab world against the West via insinuation involving iconography and superstition.* 3 stars

Sam Raimi's "The Quick and the Dead" *Vengeance is mine, said the Lady to the Lord. A Sharon Stone western shouldn't work, but it does.* 3 stars

Space Rage: Breakout on Prison Planet --1985-- *There aren't any spaceships firing at each other in asteroid storms, though there is a arcade asteroids machine in a bar. This is a space frontier, corrupt penal/mining colony western. There are no laser blasters, only traditional western handguns, shotguns, and rifles. Replacing spaceships are dunebuggies. Replacing an otherworldly planet is the California desert. There's a great, constantly playing, punk-western soundtrack, and Richard Farnsworth, Michael Pare, and John Laughlin are badass as usual.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Sympathy for the Devil *Harmonica playing, mystical gem having, ageless child of evil -who needs to be and deep down wants to be put at rest.* 3 stars

Transformers: Fire in the Sky *Christmas/New-Ice-Age in July, when the Decepticon grinches try to turn the earth's core into a cold day in hell. Luckily for earth and the Autobots, an unfrozen, gigantic robot makes the right decision and sacrifices itself for its love of science and all creatures, including humanity.* 3 stars

South Park: The Magic Bush *"Jennifer Lawrence's butthole didn't take a picture of itself."* 2 1/2 stars

Comic Book Men: Brony Con *Grumpy forty-something comic nerds attempt a Vaudeville two-man horse act at a convention for twenty-something male hipster fans of a little girls' pony cartoon.* 2 stars

Adult Swim ==off-the-air== "Seramthgin" *Nightmarishly surreal art video garbage played, mostly, in reverse.* 2 1/2 stars

Z Nation: Going Nuclear *Citizen Z's paddle ball dexterity. Mt. Rushmore defaced. Glow in the dark zombies. Stealth until a zombie alert fart. Radiation sickness. Stopping a nuclear meltdown in the Black Hills. Twirling, Donatello-esque ninja staff that's actually a really long handled hoe. Hazmat suits & ammo. Radio controlled drone robot named Robbie who has a lazer cutter for mowing down zombies. Fueling up on vodka. Fleeing from fallout in a small aircraft and of course crashing. Citizen Z 'checks' zombiepedia (lame joke.) Zombie sign language? Murphy wearing a little girls' pink & cute spikes backpack. Zombie puppy love. What really is mercy?* 3 stars

--- Paul W.S. Anderson's "Soldier" starring Kurt Russell

*Thematically like Stallone's 'First Blood' mixed with Terminator 2 and other outerspace and post-apocalyptic genre movies.

Finger painted in the most broad, obvious, hack ways possible.

Supersoldier has never seen a pretty lady, so he daydreams about the one time he saw her nipples under her shirt.

Supersoldier is suffering ptsd, so he freaks out over Santa at Christmas party.

Supersoldier doesn't know how to deal with kids, so he tries to teach a kid to bash a poisonous snake's brains out.

Supersoldier is feeling sad for the very first time, so we zoom in close up on a tear streaming down his face.

Supersoldiers need to be tested, American Gladiator competition is orchestrated.

Married couple is getting romantic on a planet with limited supplies and garbage everywhere, hundreds of lit candles love scene.

Thin mustached military commander villain's gotcha moment is pissing down his pants leg in fear...*

1 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------------------

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "The Stepfather" *There were no real Freddy Kruegers running around in suburbia, in the 80s, but there were actually psychos like this. A Fox News fan type dad is a little too into 50s era family "perfection," and when things don't go his way, he heads down to the basement to beat on his workbench with a hammer, and when he can't take it anymore, he heads upstairs and bangs on the family with the hammer. When he's done there, he catfishes the "perfect" next family.* 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: Cupid's Quiver *When you're skeezy, it's love made easy. The poor, wretched bastard, in this one, oozes, and then drips desperation from his every pore.* 3 stars

ABC's Selfie: A Little Yelp From My Friends *I expected this to be another obnoxious sitcom like Big Bang Theory or 2 Broke Girls, but it's more like Ally McBeal. A real bait and switch. The topic as it has been thrown out there in the media would make one think it would be about a total social media whore with constant references to current social pop culture, but it's really more of a show about a pathetic weirdo and her bizarre, unsocial behavior, and the one genuine person (Harold from Harold & Kumar) who actually cares about helping her cross that bridge back into the real world.* 2 1/2 stars

E! Total Divas: The Double Cross *One diva trades her vibrator for a date with an NFL hunk. Another diva gets jealous when her man's (pro wrestler John Cena) ass is going to be shown in a movie love scene. Also, at a movie premier for a comedy flick, starring the twin divas, the big muscled pro-wrestler puts on a blue monkey suit, and the butt and breast implant diva, along with her man, sit stoned-faced during a supposedly funny scene. Odd and insipid reality show trash.* zero stars

MTV's True Life: I Have A Strange Phobia *One Italian-American young man can't even pee in a public restroom. He has to get in his car, get on the freeway, and drive all the way home and scrub the toilet with cleaner and antibacterial products before the act. (Why not pee outside, in public, behind a dumpster or building or car? It's not really polite behavior, but it would save the trouble of going home and cleaning. And, why not just aim really well when you pee at  home or not care if you pee on the seat?) The next, unfortunate, case is about a young woman who is deathly afraid of pigeons. I think there's some other attention issues there, or maybe a bit of deceit going on where the girl just wanted to get on MTV.* 2 stars

American Horror Story -- Murder House -- "Murder House" *As much a love letter to true crime history of Los Angeles as it is a ghost story. And the haunted people and haunts themselves have more personality and poignancy than most ghost stories.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Under the Bed *A child psychologist struggles with a cryptozoology related child abduction.* 2 1/2 stars

The Walking Dead: Consumed *Getting the drop on crash test dummies.* 3 stars

Adult Swim --fake infomercials-- "Smart Pipe" *Taking smartphone app use to its inevitable pinnacle by having the waste management of the world's pipes turned into an opportunity to scan shit and then use that information to in turn sale more shit to the masses.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Sheriff-in-Law *Daddy don't come around here anymore, and we're all glad he doesn't.*3 stars

MTV's "Slednecks" episode b (b because the "writers" were lazy) *Bros go Go-Go dancing. 4 wheel drive pickup truck versus airboat in a tug o war match. Drunk skanks pissing in the snow. Feeding buttered toast to the wildlife. Tundra wookies at tha club. You know, typical Alaska stuff. Saddening that this kind of stupidity is going on in one of the last frontiers. I've never more wanted a moose to kill someone since back in the day when Fox would air those 'When Animals Attack' videos.* zero stars

American Horror Story: Freakshow -- "Bullseye" *Desert butterflies* 2 1/2 stars

Game of Thrones --Season 3-- Episode 2-- *Lions, piggies, crows, wolves, and a hound.* 3 stars

USA network's --Chrisley Knows Best-- "Jugs and Ammo" *Boob cake for 100 dollars. Boob job for your daughter 30,000 dollars. Protecting your sixteen year old beauty pageant girl's "vag of honor" untold dollars. Making  your redneck son-in-law uncomfortable because he thinks that you're a closet homosexual is priceless.* either zero stars or 2 1/2 stars

Animal Planet's --Finding Bigfoot-- "Turtleman's Bigfoot" *for some unknown reason, MSNBC's Rachel Maddow and 30 Rock's "Bobo" travel to Kentucky to holler hunt a primate with Jim Varney's nephew Ernie the "Turtle Man."* 2 stars

rifftrax presents The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers *Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew. Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

Adult Swim -- "Too Many Cooks" *Never ending 80s tv theme song intro video parody turned massacre.* 3 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Knightly Murders *Balefully back, from the Black Ages, with a big axe to grind.* 2 1/2 stars

Gargoyles: Temptation *Goliath's former piece-of-tail tries to put him back under her spell.* 3 stars

Stargate --Atlantis-- "Hide and Seek" *You're not yourself when you're hungry, or an energy entity. Eat a Snickers, and be like Doug Flutie.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Babadook" *Illustrating one's insecurities into isolation, insomnia, and insanity.* 3 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Saturday Night Special *Yuppy dating schemes and dreams come apart at the seams.* 1 1/2 stars *Springwood beautification project leaves a plain jane feeling numb.* 2 stars

South Park: Freemium isn't Free *Temptation. Addiction. Boring Gaming. Gambling. Micro-Transactions. Trendy drinking. Denial drinking. Pussy advertising. The Prince of Canada. The Canadian Devil.* 2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Loved to Death *More than a minute of seeing man-sized-shaped Mariel Hemingway in lingerie is like an eternity in hell.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive-In presents "Night Angel" *So bad it's good, succubus-slasher softcore-skinemax-style flick.* 1 1/2 stars

Hillbilly Bears: Courtin' Disaster *Haltin' hatin' the Hoppers, like they's was Hatfields, in hopes of havin' Hottiebear hitched.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics --Season 2-- episode 7 *Meat locker scab wishes he hadn't swept the salt off the floor after he meets the one armed mangler who had the job before.* 2 stars *"Pretty big, probably around 5 foot 9 or 6 foot 2" webcam show babehouse psycho slasher that ruins a horny, dumb guy's first night on the peep job.* 3-stars *Digging a hole, in the desert, for a lazy mobster.* 2 stars *Poltergeist -heather o'rourke- style closet scare* 2 1/2 stars

Paranormal State season 1 episode 6 *This haunted place is for the dogs...* 3 stars

"Intruders" CBS 1992 *Abductee: I was taken aboard a spaceship, by little grey men, and experimented on. / Psychologist: No, you were molested, in a barn, by your cousin.* 3 stars

American Horror Story -- Freakshow -- "Test of Strength" *"Come as you are" as ruined by the folks from GLEE. Strong Man vs. Amazon Lady. You're my dad, dad. Earl (Dell) had to die - Carnival Dixie Chix. Two-Headed blackmail. Dreadful Penny. Penny's dreadful dad. Tattoo nightmare. Dandy not feeling dandy.  Surgeon suicide. Blonde ambition makeover.* 2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Crawling Hand *"Eat, drink, and be merry. Tomorrow, you die." Then, it's all fingerwalking on the darkside, you dig?* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 stars without

Jonny Quest: Pursuit of the Po-Ho *Lost tribe lunar sacrifice lunacy.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: Grotesquery *A case of toxic swamp ass lands ST in a two-bit big top, where it's all soggy tater chips and being caged while being poked with a stick with the rest of the misbegotten misfits.* 2 stars

"The Shuttered Room" 1967 *Hostile Arkham homecoming. Where the isolated islanders hold strong to ignorant superstition, when they're not trying to tear someone to shreds.* 3 stars

Z Nation: Sisters of Mercy *Survivors of a Utah Mormon "sisters wives" style society form a militant lesbian ladies only cult. No "Ah, not the bees!" moment or bearsuit disguise, but similar to Nic Cage's predicament. Story focuses on the two least interesting characters, the crazy redhead chick and her wannabe boyfriend, and not enough Murphy moments, though his getting "pie" scene is hilarious. False advertisement with the unfortunately underused zombie bear. I was hoping that it would maul the Sisters of Mercy.* 2 stars

Phantasm 3: Lord of the Dead *A Home Alone orphan vigilante brat and a Grace Jones / Pam Grier -esque kung fu sista join Reggie to fight Return of the Living Dead style zombies with attitude. The actors playing Mike & Jody almost seem out of place in their own series, but Reggie excels in a more Sam Raimi plus Bruce Campbell horror-comedy environment. I think I figured out who the Tall Man is supposed to represent, Sam Walton, the founder of WalMart.* 2 1/2 stars

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Stalker from the Stars *It twas a simple sinus sniffle twitch kill't the strigoli at that snowy eskimo carnival.* 3 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Heavy Metal Queen *ride the lightning and chase the thunder with a prairie oyster.* 3 stars

The Prisoner: The Chimes of Big Ben *There's not enough hours in the day to sail away. So, pick up a required hobby.* 3 stars

Max Headroom: Rakers *Taking a stand against mindless television violence with a sport of "refined aggression." Risking everything professionally for a personal bond of obligation with an estranged and wreckless loved one.* 2 1/2 stars

Larry Cohen's "The Ambulance" 1990 starring Eric Roberts *A sinister old school style ambulance stalks the streets of NYC picking up sick people and then not taking them to the hospital but instead to an insane doctor who experiments on them and sells them to shady medical labs. Spooky.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Adult Swim's "Sit Down and Shut Up" --pilot episode-- *animated with the whimsy of nickelodeon or cartoon network kids cartoons but with the right amount of offensive humor for the slacker 3am audience.* 2 stars

SyFy's "Ascension" --preview-- 'Building the World' *Nice to see SyFy actually spending some money on a show's elaborate production.* 3 stars

CMT's "Redneck Island" Dec 2014 -season preview-

with host "Stone Cold" Steve Austin *"I wouldn't even introduce you to my dawg! MY DAWG, YA HEAR!"* 1 star

Hill Street Blues: Presidential Fever *A matter of pride. Two partners struggle with the distance between each other after being shot on duty. An undercover gets 'ruff' with rape suspects. Lady attorney holds her own with police chief lover. Gangleaders precinct meeting to hold a truce during Presidential visit. NYPD Blue's David Caruso as a top-hat wearing Irish gangbanger. Hick cop hassles the wrong barrio & almost goes vigilante to heal a wounded ego.* 3 stars

"Open House" 1987 starring Adrienne Barbeau *John Tesh is trying to reason with a rabid dog when Charles Bronson walks up and shoots it between the ears. Los Angeles, the land of broken dreams. there's only so many options for the down on their luck to vent. one is to call in crazy to the talk radio stations. another is to act like an obnoxious slob. then, there's the nutbags who'd like to find absurdly creative ways to kill the chippy sales people of that broken dream.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Crawling Eye *Slight fever in the Swiss Alps, with cyclops brainball tentacle aliens who like things frigid and hate telepaths.* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1 star without

X Files: Deep Throat *Aim high, in the Air Force, and be an alien spacecraft test pilot. Side effects may not be worth it. It's 2 the xtreme, says 90s stoner, Seth Green.* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: Dark Matters *Melodramatic ghost brother space catastrophe* 2 stars

Michael Crichton's "Runaway" 1984 starring Tom Selleck *Jargon, jargon, household robots gone haywire. Jargon, jargon, science dept. mustache cop. Jargon, jargon, spider assassin robots. Jargon, jargon, Gene Simmons techno-terrorist. Jargon, jargon, magic heat-seeking bullets. Jargon, jargon, vertigo-tinged thriller climax.* 2 1/2 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In Theater presents "Steel and Lace" *Willard's Bruce Davison creates a cyborg out of his sister, Shannon Tweed (Gene Simmons' long-time girlfriend), years after her suicide resulting from a non-conviction for a group of corporate buddies who raped her in an alley. The sexy cyborg seduces then performs gruesome fatalities on the slimeballs.*  stars 2 1/2

Freddy's Nightmares: Sister's Keeper *Freddy turns the twin daughters, of the cop who was a thorn in his side in life, against each other.* 2 stars *Freddy is determined to make one of the twins an only child.* 2 1/2 stars

Hammer Films' "Vampire Circus" 1972 *A morose quarantine livened with a sanguinary shadow puppet sex show.*  stars 3

American Horror Story -Asylum- "Tricks and Treats" *Sticky caramel on the mossy banks of a Stygian river.* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: Brave Alan *"The worth of boast worlds."* 3 stars

Bob and Margaret: A Night In *Boring and barren, but better off than the dead.* 2 1/2 stars

All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: The Use and Abuse of Vegetational Concepts *make like a tree and be a leaf / a cog in the machine or don't because it's a false belief.* 3 stars

"Dreamscape" 1984 *David Patrick Kelly is a creepier dream demon than Robert Englund.* 3 stars

South Park: Grounded Vindaloop *The boys try to figure out which one of them is actually stuck in virtual reality limbo. Real world Butters is cutely portrayed.* 3 stars

Squidbillies: Hybrid to Hell *"Hawt Rawkin' Santy Claus in a bubble globe."* 2 1/2 stars

Swamp Thing: Natural Enemy *ST beats science to the punch, when he swats and splats Beelzebub.* 2 stars

--- Scare Tactics -season 2 -episode 9

*Party van fails to take police warning and runs into vampire bikers on a desert highway.* 3 stars

*Hysterical hissie over a hybrid dwarf-critter.* 3 stars

*"You ever step on a landmine, before?" nervous and shaken response "Nah, I'm from Cleveland." 2 1/2 stars

*The show's new host, a Baldwin brother, is traumatized when he's not recognized after shedding the disguise of a scary mob boss.*

1 1/2 stars

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Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 7 *A cemetery caretaker stews and his wife claims to suffer after sticking in a hole, and covering with cement, an urn of unclaimed cremated remains that had sat on their shelf for years.* 2 stars

Insidious: Chapter 2 *That's not my husband. That's the spirit of a crossdressing serial killer. Again with the Ed Gein/Norman Bates mommy issues killer and somehow crossed with the crazy killer dad -like the Shining. Also, I could do without the lame antics and shaking camera  ghosthunting of the two paranormal hipster nerds. Still, I very much enjoy the eerie astral projection limbo world.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: A Cup of Time *Old age is wasting the youth, when youth aren't wise enough not to drink from its cup.* 2 stars

The Walking Dead: Crossed *Rick Grimes used to be a cop. Emphasis on used to be. Now, he's cold blooded. Come to think of it, then again...* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story --Murder House-- "Halloween" *"find my nest of salt, everything is my fault... choking on the ashes of our enemies..."* close to 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Dead Right *It's a given that grotesque Jeffrey Tambor will gore gorgeous gold-digger Demi Moore.* 3 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Corpse Vanishes *"A cockeyed nightmare or a nighteyed cockmare?!"* 1 1/2 stars with riffing 1/2 a star without

Tex Avery's "Jerky Turkey" 1945 *"Don't eat at Joe's"* 2 1/2 stars

"Thankskilling" 2009 *"No more pumpkin pie, no more cranberry sauce, just turkey..."* 1 star

Twin Peaks: Miss Twin Peaks *Which way to the castle? Where there's a key, there's always a lock. Fear and love open the door.* 3 stars

"Dreamchild" 1985 (with Jim Henson creature shop puppetry) *Ian Holm makes a better Jack from the Titanic, for Alice in Wonderland's  elderly Alice, than Leo DiCaprio ever could. Also, Peter Gallagher is certainly more charming than Billy Zane. He's more of a sly weasel too.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones -Season 3 -episode 3 *"In the grave, there are no masters."* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In Theater presents "Posed for Murder"

with special guest host Elvira *A generic softcore thriller about an adult magazine centerfold being stalked by a psychotic motorcycle glove and every meathead who wants to screw her. It's one of those bad movies where the lyrics of the songs, playing throughout, sync up with the on screen stupidity.* 1 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Cutting Cards *Compulsive rivals go head to head til the last stump standing.* 2 1/2 stars

"Paradise" 1982 *A very Biblical man, Willie Aames, watches his parents get murdered by bandits, then flees and gets stranded with a beautiful maiden, Phoebe Cates, in a desert/tropical oasis where he sneaks peeks at her sinful nudity, tries to keep a chimpanzee from self pleasuring, destroys dirty medical texts, and tries to keep an Arab jackal from stealing his woman and deflowering her.* 2 stars

Farscape: They've Got A Secret *Space whale calf care is killing the crew, and crossbreeding with the empire's clone troopers is strictly forbidden and must remain emotionally hidden.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Waltz for Venus *Lacking one quality but heightening another's fluidity.* 3 stars

Hillbilly Bears: Stranger than Friction *monkeying around with hospitality can get ya head blown't off* 2 1/2 stars

Z Nation: Murphy's Law *Every ridiculous thing this show tries to do somehow works. Drug addicted zombies, check. Viagra sex zombies, check. Murphy having telepathic control over the infected, check. The most surprisingly effective show of the year. Each new episode is something new. Rarely boring or stagnant in an all too boring and stagnant apocalyptic / zombie / survival horror genre.* 2 1/2 stars

"Walking Tall" 1973 *Landmark hicksploitation with Buford on par with Leatherface in terms of legend. A yarn that satisfies in its visceral exaltation of justice, while still having enough subtext about the road of revenge being a ragged one.* 3 stars

Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Youth Killer *sucking the life out of the singles scene* 3 stars

USA Up All Night with Rhonda Shear presents

"Fright Night" 1980s version -------------------------------

*Necking with your girl while watching late night vampire horror hosted by a faux vampire slayer from such movies.

USA network has the world's hottest show 'Baywatch' five nights a week.

For the girls of paradise call 431 Girl at 2.50$ a minute.

Psychic Talk USA... are you astounded?

La Femme Nikita, Sunday Nights on USA the cure for the common show and the common boner.

Has your neighbor committed homicide? this horror obsessed kid thinks so.

Having a horrific mental breakdown? don't turn to the town Beavis for understanding.

99cent psychic encounters. It sounds dangerous. But damn affordable. 800 Predict. I predict that if you call, you'll be out 99cents.

Rhonda is at her wedding reception, where she's trying out two potential hubbies. One is a morose long haired artsy guy and the other is a big, fat cowboy with his big, fat mama who thinks that Rhonda has child bearing hips enough to produce fifteen younguns

"Someone knows their secret." I Know What You Did Last Summer, now playing in theaters everywhere.

back to the ‘’up all nite’’ movie,

the fearless vampire slayer gets fired from his job and vents on his hatred for 80s slasher monsters like Jason.

Apparently vampires yawn in the evening and are groggy when they take phone calls.

Stephen King's "Thinner" available now at videostores everywhere.

You never thought it possible, the Motorola Wordline Pager with streaming text updates  in the palm of your hand in black and grey text. It will never  get more advanced than this, says the 90s business professional yuppy.

No rules, no ring,  no exit, and not place to hide 'Fighting Force' for the playstation.

The legend is here, the time is now, Chuck Norris is Walker Texas Ranger, weeknights on USA.

I'm all alone pick up the phone, sluts are standing by on another phone sex commercial.

Macho Man says REST IN PEACE and SNAP INTO A Slim Jim, OH YEAH! Halloween Havoc, Dig it!

Peter Vincent is like the Alan Partridge of the occult.

What do you do when a David Bowie type douche wants to do your girlfriend?

Hollywood's hottest stuntmen use bodyheat activated degree deodorant.

USA's Sunday Night Heat with Pacific Blue, Silk Stalkings, and The Big Easy. Turn it on and turn it up.

I miss sleazy USA network programming.

Magic the Gathering, all you need is a brain, a deck, and a friend, and an intact virginity.

Rhonda is a  runaway bride when she realizes she doesn't have to be married to shop.*

3 stars

-----------------------------------------

Gargoyles: Deadly Force *"Movies, television, videogames...(sigh) it's hard to tell what's real anymore." A lesson about how our culture ignores the real drama of the consequences of gunplay.* 3 stars

Stargate - Atlantis - "Thirty Eight Minutes" *The perils of dealing with stubborn parasites, wormhole constipations, lifeboat malfunctions, and bruised egos.* 3 stars

Stephen King's "Kingdom Hospital" -season 1 -episode 3 *Solid cold oldies* 3 stars

The Outer Limits: The Conversion *The future's not ours, you see...* 2 1/2 stars

Max Headroom: Body Banks *Eternal sunshine of the sober mind that refuses to sell out to corporate swine who think they can harvest the poor & healthy in order to buy more time.* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: 'Til Death *Fated to the fetid* 2 stars

Swamp Thing: Treasure *Little Jim has a long lost relative dying on his bathroom floor, a Swamp Thing trapped in his attic unable to sneak away, and an evil blonde beauty who wants to shoot him, or his mom, with a small pistol -if he doesn't cough up the location of stolen money  hidden in a junkpile out in the swamp.* 3 stars

Jonny Quest: Riddle of the Gold *The smite of the tiger.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics -season 2 -episode 10 -------------------

*Cleaning the ham bones out of a creep's croc pond.* 2 1/2 stars

*Maids stumble onto a bloody, and active, crime scene.* 2 stars

*A ladies man looks at the wrong farmer's naked daughter.* 3 stars

*Carny folk forget and leave a horned dwarf troll in the walls of a rental home.* 2 1/2 stars

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Roger Corman presents "Streets" 1990 *For skid row kids, like Christina Applegate's homeless teenage prostitute character,  it's a symbiotic game of staying ahead, and also in reach, of their constant pursuers  and abusers, but sometimes the bleak circumstances highlighting the literal dead ends  make it even more painful if a glimmer of hope happens to also be there.* 3 stars

American Horror Story - Asylum - "Nor'Easter" *Pontius Pilate wept at the end of E.T.* 3 stars

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 8 *Remodeling the home of a early 20th century sawbones stirs spirits.* 2 stars

Bob and Margaret: Blood, Sweat, and Tears *stretching thinly to feel the burn and avoid the fine line of permanent injury in the process of healthy activity and friendly civility* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge: Never Say Alan Again *pass the Sunny D and STOP TALKING ABOUT AMERICAN THINGS!* 3 stars

X Files: Squeeze *Spooky versus mutie (aka mutant).* 3 stars

The Walking Dead: The Coda *Rick Grimes drives a hard bargain, but compromises and evasively dangerous behavioral maneuvers, of others involved, put everyone back on the road of loss.* 3 stars

House 3: The Horror Show -1989- *"An electricity of evil." Lance Henriksen is a straight current running parallel to an unsteady moronic shocker.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Mother's Day *You gotta fight or flight for your right to party with Fredddy.* 2 1/2 stars *Weepy Wendy can't get any affectionate attention from her radio shrink mom, a seriously Selfish Sherry.* 2 1/2 stars

Ultimate Scooters: Featuring the Hot Wheels Shocker -2000- *Video time capsule documenting how turn of the 21st century bro-men took to the streets, with tots, riding toy scooters.* 1 star

Popeye the Sailor Man: ----------

*Me Musical Nephews: Runts rockabye a restless Popeye.* headache inducing zero stars

*Spooky Swabs: Ghostly mutiny.* 3 stars

*Patriotic Popeye: Safe n' sane U.S. n' A. holiday or party explosives?* 2 stars

*Ancient Fistory: Disney Princess Cinderfella Queer Eye for the Popeye.* 2 stars

*Taxi-Turvy: Scat cab skidoo.* 3 stars

----------------------------------------------------------

Fleischer Studios presents Betty Boop: -------------------------

*Betty Boop's Crazy Inventions: Spunky sales pitch for quirky products.* 3 stars

*and the Little King: Calamity Betty* 2 1/2 stars

*Pudgy in Ding Dong Doggie: Hot doggy, Betty spank.* 2 1/2 stars

*Grampy in the Candid Candidate: Mayoral mishap calls for thinking cap.* 2 1/2 stars

*Language All My Own: Betty is super kawaii in the land of the rising sun.* 2 stars

*Grampy's Indoor Outing: homemade carnival play on a rainy day.* 2 1/2 stars

*Little Nobody: Stuck up pup and a blue ribbon baywatch doggy strut.* 2 1/2 stars

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Adult Swim --off the air-- "Worship" *vacation bible surreal* 2 stars

Squidbillies 96: How did my worm get in your taco? *Early en Espanol, an all american buttthole.* 3 stars

Tim & Eric, Bedtime Stories: The Bathroom Boys *Dragging the viewer into the toilet with the non-humor painful shits & giggles of Tim, Eric, Zach Galifianakis and surprise guest, the beautiful, cleaned, and dolled up Maggie from the Walking Dead.* between zero and 1 star

Thundarr, the Barbarian: Portal into Time *Apple 2 defender of the Alamo. Beastmaster 2 culture shock. Thundarr, Ariel, Ookla are  Earth's mightiest Avengers. Volkswagen Beetle dragon. Ookla, a cookie monster. An escalator can never be broken, it can only become stairs, so said Mitch Hedberg. Terminator 2 style skynet tech heist. Finally, a first ever victory at the Alamo.* 3 stars

Hill Street Blues: Politics as Usual *Bribery. blackmail. backstabbing. bargaining courts. boo-hooing. barking like a dog. busted. buttcheeks and butthole search. bathing lovemaking. break up.* 3 stars

Burn, Baby, Burn: Riots and Violence in the Modern World *unabashed ugliness* 1 star

Victor Salva's "The Nature of the Beast" 1995 starring Lance Henriksen & Eric Roberts-- *A serial killer plus a casino riches thief, both on the run, find homogeneity on a lost stretch of desert highway.* 3 stars

Paranormal State -season 1 -episode 9 *a spirit is shattering and nudging (the babypowder test, "thrilling") wine glasses in a, struggling to survive, sports bar.* 1/2 a star

The Outer Limits: Quality of Mercy *Hogan's Heroes meets Enemy Mine with an M. Night twist.* 2 1/2 stars

Cowboy Bebop: Jamming with Edward *A self activated spy sattelite is sad & lonely and so is a spunky hacker.* 3 stars

Swamp Thing: New Acquaintance *Jim brings home a misunderstood stray, and ST resurrects a rabbit.* 2 1/2 stars

Shaw Brothers: Iron Chain Fighter (aka Assassin) *There are no bonds that chop sockey can't break.* 3 stars

Game of Thrones: -season 3 -episode 4 *Climbing and falling. Losing a hand. Handing over a legacy. Protecting the virtue of an innocent. Hungering for insurrection. Dispensing the light of justice. Burning a path for freedom.* 3 stars

Friday the 13th, the series: HELLOWE'EEN *The awful uncle seeks offal flesh to slip into back to life.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Three's A Crowd *cuckold anniversary surprise* 3 stars

American Horror Story --Murder House-- "Piggy Piggy" *Growing pains. Raw brains. Oinking angst.* 2 1/2 stars

BBC All Watched Over By Machines of Loving Grace: "The Monkey in the Machine and the Machine in the Monkey" *We humans are something like a phenomenon or perhaps maybe an automaton.* 3 stars

"Beyond the Black Rainbow" --2010-- *Timothy Leary has gone too far this time.* 3 stars

Scare Tactics: season 2 -episode 11 ---------------

*Family killer in a scarecrow disguise puts a young carpenter in concern.* 2 stars

*Gold chain necklace wearing "Dr. Jeff" doesn't want his "molecules heated up" in a mad scientist's The Fly -esque matter transport experiment.* 2 1/2 stars

*A greaseball is hired to clean up "red wine" stains for a Sopranos sausage and refuses to wear a wire for an undercover sting.* 2 1/2 stars

*Fear Antics: A wannabe actor, in a slasher prank, gets pushed over the edge.* 2 1/2 stars

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Paranormal State: Season 1 -episode 10 *A Native American coyote spirit / chaos critter is an unwanted housepest, for a rural Maine mom & visiting daughter, when its vortex in the backyard is disturbed. So, the team calls in some Native elders to do a ritual at the rocks around a hole on the property, and Christian psychic medium Chip Coffey tells the howling haunt to hit the road.* 2 1/2 stars