#lolling forever

[ssidebloggg]

Why is Jax so upset at the end of Episode 2?

He’s disappointed for the lack of violence, sure, but in the end he looks truly down. I wonder if he feels disconnected from the group? He was the only one not present at Kaufmo’s funeral and he doesn’t seem to really value anyone else in the cast - he moreso just uses them for his own entertainment and ends. While this is at least partially his own fault for being such an asshole man-baby, it can’t help with the feeling of isolation and rejection, feeling like he’s the only one worth his salt on the team, and that he has nobody to relate to or connect with, even in a situation where it’s natural to grow closer as a result of shared traumatic experience and living quarters. Essentially - he might feel like he’s the only one truly alone while everyone else seems to become dearer to each other, even if that feeling is because he views himself as superior.

His lack of ability to connect could also be because he feels like he doesn’t deserve it, of course. He clearly has issues with his ego; this could be because he thinks so highly of himself that the real him can’t compare, causing him to defend his status as “better than the rest” in order to protect himself from recognizing the difference between his perceived status and the reality of who he is. This could also be because he’s self aware that he’s an asshole and doesn’t know how to change or cope more healthily, so he just pushes everyone away and continues hurting them instead of improving. In the first case, he seems to struggle with some real narcissistic traits and clearly needs help - he also needs help in the second case, but it seems like his behaviors there stem less from blatantly narcissistic beliefs and more from his response to the trauma of the circus. Both cases could exist within the same character as well, even if only at different times.

Either way, he clearly needs a lot of support, a better outlet for his feelings, and some sort of reality check that actually gets through to him. He’s very young still, only being in his early 20s, so I think it’s a real possibility that his more cruel behaviors stem from lack of experience and knowledge about other people/social relations rather than from pure malice. We also don’t know how long he’s been trapped in the circus - if he already had some of these ego problems before he entered, it can’t have helped his mentality. I hope he realizes he needs to change and improve himself to improve his life and that he gets the support he needs throughout the show! I can’t wait to see more of him and his character development.

Anyways, I loved episode 2 and I want to see Zooble’s figurine collection

[guckies]

Wait is Leo not there with Forever?

Because how the fuck does she always escape the lore with any of the other players???

[rendoesart8]

ancel WIP!!!

[aldwynbob]

Joker and Riddler sketches

[hearts4juzi]

drew @nachosforfree's oc cassidy reyes!!! theyre a silly guy who has totally never commited any violent crimes whatsoever!!! wdym!!! thats an innocent guy right there!!!

[soranker]

What’s the biggest emotional gut punch you’ve ever gotten from a show?

AHH i wish i had a good answer for this but i havent watched a lot of shows lately and im wracking my brain to remember if i had a strong reaction like that to anything i've watched in the past... ive def watched sad stuff that hit me in the heart but not enough to feel like a gut punch......

BAHA ok this gonna sound predictable but fr when i got to the end of volume 10 of trigun maximum i stopped reading for a couple of days LMFAOO T_T maybe even a week. i just reread that same chapter over and over again for a while lol

[glitter-andgold]

General Valentina Headcannons (Saw X)

Currently planning the "Valentina lives and becomes an apprentice" AU I've been wanting to write so consider this a precursor to that! (I wasn't kidding when I said I had many headcannons about her so enjoy the ramblings of a mad man <3)

Her full name is Valentina Rosa Hernández

She was 32 years old during the events of Saw X.

This makes her younger than Cecilia & Mateo and older than Diego and Gabriella

Valentina’s birthday is on the 27th of July (thus making her star sign Leo)

Let’s those close to her call her Val for short.

Is still trying to put an exact label on her sexuality but knows for a fact she isn’t straight

Valentina struggles to fully trust and open up to people as she’s been hurt by many throughout her life; she often uses her feisty, sarcastic personality as a shield. Though if you manage to break through this prickly facade, you will find a loyal woman with a lot of love to give.

Valentina loves doing her makeup and is quite the talented makeup artist. It was almost like her pre-work relaxation ritual for the night, doing her makeup while blasting some of her favourite music.

Loves heavy metal and rock music! It was quite rare but when she was able to go to concerts, she’d be in the mosh pit.

As well as having her ears pierced, she’s also got her belly button pierced.

Has a younger half-sister named Carmen who is five years younger than her. Val loves her above all else and is fiercely protective of. Aside from this has no relationship with any of her immediate family.

Growing up it was just Valentina and her father; her mother wasn’t really in the picture. She was really close with her father. However, he passed away when she was 12.

She was then sent to live with her mother, step father and Carmen. Her mother and step-father were cold and neglectful towards her, it was always clear that they didn’t want her there.

 As a result of this she grew into a trouble making teenager.

At first, she was distant from her little sister, envious of the love her mother and step father seemed to give her. However, as the pair grew older Valentina came to realise that the amount of pressure they put on her, even from a young age, was harmful within itself. They didn’t love her, they loved the idea of her and as soon as Carmen strayed from what they wanted she was punished. From that moment onwards Valentina vowed to love and protect her sister.

In fact, she started trying to change her trouble making ways so she could be a better older sister.

Valentina left home the age of 20 after a huge argument with her mother and step-father. The only person she stayed in contact with was Carmen (and she had to fight to stay in contact with her, their mother tried to prevent it but was unsuccessful).

Had little to her name when she left home and ended up couch surfing at friend’s places for a while.

Eventually saves up enough to rent a little place of her own, it was small and little bit rundown but it was hers. Carmen ended up moving in with Valentina after also having a falling out with their parents. Times could be tough but they were happy to have each other.

Valentina always wanted to provide a better life for her sister than what she was able to and this is why Cecilia was able to convince her to join the scam. She promised Valentina a life changing sum of money in exchange for pretending to be a nurse for a couple of days. Valentina had her doubts but at the end of the day, such a large sum of money to pretend to be a nurse for a short period of time??? She’d be a fool not too, after all this was for her sister. And she’d do anything for her sister.

[burning-thistles-bt]

"he's disgusting.... i like that"

[mymp3]

minato is literally fucking jesus why cant people be nicer to him I'm going to throw a car into oncoming traffic

[lettucedloophole]

hi apologies if youve alr made a post abt this (if u have, then maybe u can add a link to that specific post?) but i just wanted to ask for ur perspective bc this is smth i keep getting hung up on and i rlly only trust u to answer:

why would abolishing gender be harmful to trans ppl if transphobia stems from emphasis on traditional gender roles, and the abolishment would further their focus on relieving dysphoria thru physical sex change instead of relieving it by having to conform to sociological femininity and masculinity as a means to adapt in this patriarchal society?

thank you for taking the time to read and answer this <3

no worries! i haven't made a post about this before since no one's asked, but i'll answer it right here for you.

the answer is, it wouldn't be harmful. abolishing gender would ultimately be the best for everyone, but especially lgbt people & women. however... the contextualization of this point is what makes or breaks it. let me explain--

trans people have a negative reaction when people discuss abolishing gender not only for the same reason cis people might (a kneejerk reaction to protect the status quo), but also for the very valid reason of wanting to defend transness in a transphobic society. it's the same reason why some gay people will react negatively to the fact that homosexuality is a social construct, and therefore cannot be innate; most people use this argument to justify homophobia & patriarchy.

the thing is, to abolish gender, sex must also be abolished as it's the primary method of naturalizing gender. sex is a social construct-- it's not natural. however, terfs and any garden variety conservative will reify gender through the naturalization of sex. they'll say, "cis women and men are natural, but trans people aren't. therefore, they must be eliminated." similarly, "heterosexual people are natural, but gay and bi people aren't. therefore, they must be eliminated." eliminated can mean killed or, forcibly dissolved into the "natural" categories via bullshit self-loathing propaganda.

a really easy way to understand why this is so upsetting to trans people is just comparing their situation to gay people or women's, really, as they are so similar. if you walked up being like "wow i cant wait for gays to be abolished<3" ofc people will assume you mean it in a homophobic sense rather than a complicated, radical feminist sense, and if you're focusing on the abolition of minority groups in particular, it does likely stem from bigotry. not saying that you've said anything like that lol, but those examples are the best way i can illustrate the point.

also, everyone on the internet hates radical feminism, so regardless of how eloquently you explain your point & how sensible it is, if you associate it with radical feminism people will ignore what you say, misinterpret you so severely that it seems deliberate but could very well be internet stupidity, and also throw tomatos at you. 😭 radfems, matfems & a handful of marxist, anarchist, intersectional fems + womanists are the only ones i trust to not be covert antifeminists.

last p.s.: we don't know what a society outside of patriarchy looks like. assuming people will continue getting sex changes assumes the existence of a natural sex binary, though it's possible people may change "sex" characteristics as they please. trans people's issue is not only being forced into gender roles, but a hatred of transness which puts them into a catch-22 regarding survival under patriarchy-- they're "reifying patriarchy" if they transition, but plagued with dysphoria, martyrs to a post-patriarchal world centuries away from us if they don't. perhaps, a similar scenario would be if you told a gay or straight person to simply see people as gender/sexless and to experience attraction, to give affection as though we lived in a post-patriarchal society-- it just wouldn't be possible, and for the gay person who is particularly vulnerable under patriarchy, it would more likely be traumatizing. dworkin put it so succintly in woman hating...

i hope that wasn't too repetitive or long, i just wanted to be thorough. admittedly, this is kind of a loaded answer if you aren't familiar with sex as a social construct, so if you have anymore questions, feel free to ask!

[tiabwwtws-art]

An OC living her worst life

[pl4n]

[grumpycakes]

lolll i... just read an odd post about 'sex pollen tropes' and described Vulcan shit as fuck or die. Which ISN'T incorrect but leaves out the very important THIRD OPTION OF KILL.

LIKE, I love you all, but it's not just fuck or die. It's fuck, die, or kill. I know we all haha joke about them ""rolling around in the sand"" and how that ""relieved"" spock of the bloodlust. But it DIDN'T. He'd effectually gone through the motions of KILLING KIRK. Which... unless you want to go down some kink road I'm not about to head down, ISN'T SEXY. ISN'T EVEN SEX.

so like idk, if ur gonna write a dissertation about the diff issues w aces/allos in this setup (which like, why hurt urself brah) remember that MURDER IS APPARENTLY AN OPTION IN THIS ALREADY RIDIC SETUP. And that maybe modern sex pollen shit isn't at all like vulcan weirdness

loll i guess 1 the attempt to fit aces/allos needs in an already dubious consent situation was stressing me out and 2 STAR TREK SAID MURDER IS OKAY

[fissions-chips]

kitchen conversation

 (day 8: knife wound- pt. 4 of 'bad karma' AU, tw for mild blood and injury)

All things considered, Butler had really thought this would be more difficult. 

   The dojo, as it turned out, was poorly-suited to the point of hostage keeping- as rigid as the security surrounding the space was, seeing as it was meant to be Butler’s own retreat, he had failed to account for actually stocking the space properly to house another individual. While he had initially thought to stash weaponry in every room (a fact he had hurried to remedy, upon realizing the threat that it posed), he hadn’t thought to fill the cabinets with food, or the bathroom with toiletries, toothbrushes and such. A first aid kit and loaded guns were within easy reach- but there was not a can of soup in sight. 

   Now that the shock was wearing off, the bodyguard was beginning to find himself more and more frustrated with the situation as a whole.

   Jon, to his credit (and to Butler’s surprise- and suspicion), had done little to warrant any sort of alarm- despite his fears at having the criminal businessman hidden away in a far corner of the Fowl estate, Jon hadn’t done much more in the handful of days since his arrival than sleep, waking up only for the bodyguard to check his injuries or to quickly wolf down something to eat. Butler himself had taken up residence on the couch, unwilling to return to the Manor yet- Jon remained largely relegated to the bedroom, unwilling to roam the rest of the dojo for reasons Butler didn’t know (and didn’t care to make out). 

   It was… awkward. Uncomfortable. While Butler had allied himself with all sorts of wicked individuals in his time before serving the Fowls, he had never willingly housed an enemy. The risk was too great- both to his person and to his reputation. Butlers weren’t meant to feel pity- he would have thought such a thing had been beaten out of him by his mentors a long time ago. 

   Has my time with the Fowls really softened me that much? 

   The Major certainly hadn’t been soft… but he hadn’t served Fowl Senior very long, either. The Fowl family had entered a new, unprecedented age- one focused less on criminal endeavors and more on the care of family itself. Fowl Senior had never had much of a stomach for violence, far less than what the Butlers could usually expect from their employers, and even while protecting his charge, the bodyguard had found himself shedding far less blood than he had anticipated. Oftentimes, it just wasn’t necessary. His presence was usually enough to keep negotiations civil. 

   It wasn’t enough in London.

   Frown deepening at the memory, Butler shook himself from his thoughts and forced himself to focus on the task at hand. Continuing to stir the pot in front of him with one hand, he turned his head and searched for his ‘houseguest’. The door to the exercise room had been, for the moment, bolted shut- some of the equipment could be adapted into a weapon easily enough, and it wasn’t like Jon would be making much use of it in his current state. The door to the bedroom was still closed. 

   “Spiro?” 

   His voice came out sharper than he meant it- there was a sudden rustle, and then a mess of dust-colored hair appeared over the back of the sofa. Jon blinked at him owlishly, eyes still sleep-smudged and hazy as he hurried to prop himself upright, letting out a sound somewhere between a confused hum and stifled yawn. 

   Sleeping. Again.

   “Hrm?” Jon rubbed at his eyes with one hand, stiffening slightly at the sight of Butler’s furrowed brow. He looked towards the stovetop, face brightening.  “Soup’s ready?… It smells good.” He placed both hands on the back of the couch and leaned over it, trying to peer into the pot from across the room- he flinched sharply as the lid was suddenly dropped, blocking his view.

   The bodyguard turned back to the stove, beginning to rummage through the bag of food he had brought from the Manor as the other man sat back down, a crestfallen look briefly flickering over his face before he turned back to the main room. “No, not yet,” he muttered- Butler wasn’t sure why the sight of Jon caught asleep had sparked frustration in his stomach. It wasn’t like the man had been doing much else since he had arrived. “You need to do something other than lay on the couch all day- it’ll slow your recovery.”

   This was supposed to be my vacation, a small part of him complained, in the back of his mind. While Butler had initially refused to accompany the Fowls on their annual trip- an unprecedented decision- to discreetly attend the party at Phonetix’s headquarters and uncover the root of his invitation-under-alias, there had been a small part of him that had been looking forward to a break from following Artemis around. Holly had promised, under pressure from both Tim, Angeline and Artemis himself, that there would be no fairy hijinks to feature the Fowls while they were gone- they had left to spend time with Angeline’s family and would thus be well-protected. Butler hadn’t had a reason to go. It was supposed to be a welcome opportunity to rest.

   And now… Jon Spiro was here. Living in his home, the man who had him killed, had nearly killed his charge- and Butler couldn’t do anything about it. Nothing that would let me sleep easily at night, damn it. Had he not been the one to bring Jon home in the first place, it would have been different- if he had stumbled upon the other in a similar state under less confusion and impulse, the decision to snap his neck would have been clear-cut, hands guided only in part by the promise of revenge. By bringing him here, Butler had accepted responsibility for his care, however temporarily. The fact that something inside of him had faltered enough to make that kind of error was infuriating. 

   “Uh…” Jon stared at the wall for a moment, thinking. “What… else is there to do, exactly?” He muttered. Pointing towards the locked door with one hand, he began to scratch at the wound beneath his jaw with the other, turning and falling back against the couch to watch Butler. “You said not to go in there- or leave, or… you gotta flatscreen? Laptop? Some books or some shit? I heard rest is the best medicine-“

   “My instructors would say otherwise.” 

   Abandoning the pot for the moment, Butler pulled out a kitchen knife and began to dice the vegetables he had brought with him, gesturing with the tip of it for a moment. “Stop scratching at that, I can hear you- you need to let it heal. It’s going to make for an unpleasant scar already.” Turning his head, he gave Jon a sharp look. “And what would I do with a television? This is where I train, not where I live.”

   Jon blinked back at him, brow furrowing. “What do you do when you… nevermind. Whatever.” Falling back onto the couch, he disappeared from view- after a few moments, the bodyguard began to make out the same small scratching noise as before, the other man humming something quiet and tuneless as he stared up at the ceiling.

   For the love of- 

   “Come here.” 

   Jon’s head poked over the edge of the couch once more, eyes narrowed in slight suspicion as he watched Butler gesture for him to move into the kitchen. 

   “If you need something to do-“ The bodyguard muttered, pointing to the soup pot still warming on the stove. “You can help me out with your dinner. Give that another stir.” 

   After a moment, he heard the creak of furniture as Jon heaved himself upright and swayed, slowly picking his way to the kitchen. He kept his head bowed, eyeing Butler and the knife warily as he carefully crept behind him and moved toward the stove. Taking up the ladle, he pulled the lid from the pot and did as he was bid, stirring the broth as he scrubbed at his eyes once more with the heel of his palm. 

   Butler glanced at him from the corner of his eye- despite being woken up only minutes earlier, Jon looked exhausted, his eyes still ringed by dark smudges and dull with tiredness. He lifted a brow.

   “This should give you some energy.” 

   So far, Jon hadn’t eaten much since his arrival- the first night he was too incoherent to manage it, and the second had ended with the man hunched over the toilet bowl, coughing and retching as he clutched his heaving stomach. Butler could only hope he would be able to keep it down this time- then again, given what limited knowledge he had of Jon’s health history, he wasn’t entirely hopeful. 

    But Butler couldn’t stand to simply keep sitting here in the dojo, watching an always-sleeping prisoner, any longer. He needed to do something, almost as much as Jon did- preferably something that would keep the latter in his line of sight. So soup it was.

   Jon tilted his head, blinking down at the soup in front of him thoughtfully. “… Yeah.” He muttered, tapping the ladle against the counter’s edge before he turned and leaned against it, crossing his arms. “Hope so. Smells nice either way… god, I’m starvin’.” Tilting his head back, he watched Butler’s hands guide the knife, continuing to chop the vegetables he had brought with him. The man chewed at his lip for a moment, searching for some form of conversation.

   “You grow those on-site?” 

   The bodyguard nodded. “There is a garden on the property, yes- though most of it is empty at the moment. We have a supplier for fresh produce during the winter.” He gestured at the fridge. “There’s cream on the top shelf. Grab it.” 

   While the man moved to do so, Butler dumped the cutting board’s contents into the pot- taking the offered cream from Jon’s hand, he paused just as he was about to pour some in. 

   “Can you have dairy?” 

   Jon scoffed. Waving a hand in a ‘go ahead’ gesture, he suddenly heaved himself up onto the counter, thin legs bumping against the cabinet doors. “Won’t fuck me up any more than the rest of it would-“ he muttered. “There’s not much rhyme or reason to it. Put it in if you want.”

   Butler stared back at him, eyes wide- a large part of the bodyguard wanted to snap at him to get down and show some sort of decorum, instead of sitting on his countertop, like a child. The other was simply baffled that only then, Jon sitting hunched with his feet swinging above the ground, could the man look him in the eye. 

   Jon met his gaze for a moment, brow furrowing- then, he glanced away, staring out at the room. When the silence began to stretch long again, Butler turning away with a shake of his head, he spoke. 

   “Where’d you learn to cook? Bodyguard school?” 

   Butler picked up the knife again, keeping his gaze firmly on the cutting board as he began to dice carrots and shallots once again. He didn’t really want conversation- he wasn’t used to it when he was cooking. He was used to a silent kitchen, the Fowls far away in their own corners of the house while he prepared their meals. He especially didn’t want to make conversation with Jon.

   This is temporary- all of this is temporary.

   And yet, despite himself, he answered. 

   “I didn’t go to ‘bodyguard school’. I was trained under the Blue Diamond program. Cooking is a part of that… my job extends beyond protection alone.”

   “And that’s where the ‘butler’ part comes in.” Jon snickered. When Butler gave him a glare, a ghost of a smile flickered over his face, the man scratching at his chin as he watched the other. “Blue Diamonds train for a lotta shit then, eh? Is it just you Butlers?” 

   “…No. And you have no idea.” 

   As the two quietly chattered back and forth, Butler slowly began to find some of his frustration fading. Jon’s voice was hoarse from lack of use, but the man sounded stronger than the days before as he asked idle questions about the Blue Diamond, the Fowls’ gardener, and Butler’s cooking preferences. It seemed to be more about simply talking than learning anything useful- Jon didn’t pry past any non-answer Butler gave, and he didn’t seem particularly interested in any answers Butler did offer. He just… talked. Whether it was out of boredom, to keep himself awake, or ultimately some other intent, Butler didn’t know, but he found that in the moment he didn’t really care. 

   It felt oddly domestic, in a way. Quiet discussion over the preparation of a meal, something he rarely got to experience- it wasn’t that the Fowls weren’t conversational, Tim and Angeline often dragged him into their small talk, but neither was particularly inclined to linger in the kitchen while Butler stood by the stove. Perhaps that was for the best, given their atrocious lack of culinary skills- Jon, at least, seemed to know some basics, keeping the soup from scorching as Butler worked around him, chopping the rest of the vegetables and dumping them in. 

   “So- when’d you start?” 

  “Hmm?” 

   Jon tilted his head, arms crossed loosely in front of his chest- the oversized sleeves of Butler’s sweaters hung loose around his wrists, stretched by picking fingers. The bodyguard didn’t have it in him to be mad about it- it wasn’t like he had planned to wear it, anyways. 

   “The Blue Diamond shit.” Jon’s eyes glittered- chewing on the nail of his thumb, he watched the bodyguard lean against the counter himself, beginning to fidget with the knife in his hands. “Was it like… a military school thing? Boot camp, fresh out of college?”

   Butler sighed. “No. For the last time, it wasn't like ‘a military school’- and… no. Training for the Blue Diamonds begins much earlier than that. I passed my first assessment at twelve.” 

   Looking down at the blade, Butler tested the edge of it against his thumb, feeling a spark of pride bubble up in his chest at the memory. “I was their youngest graduate- we Butlers are the best for a reason. And not just as bodyguards- as soldiers, assassins.” He lifted his brows, watching the way the dim light of the kitchen warped his reflection in the blade. “We used to be knights, you know.” 

   When he lifted his head, he found Jon staring at him with wide eyes, his brow furrowed in shock. Butler blinked back at him, confused, and the man shook his head. 

   “Twelve? Fucking twelve? The hell would that kind of ‘assessment’ even entail?” 

   Butler looked back at the knife in his hand. “That’s…” He thought for a moment. The Blue Diamond wasn’t something he was used to defending, but he felt a flicker of protectiveness stir up within him regardless. None of his previous employers had ever seen anything wrong with it. “That’s what it takes to be the best.” 

   Jon didn’t speak for a long moment- instead, he looked at Butler with his head slightly tilted, as if confused. Butler thought he saw, for the briefest of moments, a look of concern ghost across his face. Then, the man just sighed, fiddling at the empty space around his wrists where bracelets had once clattered. 

   “Suit yourself, Bond.” 

   That’s not my name. 

   Heaving a sigh of his own, the bodyguard brushed past him, passing the knife to Jon absentmindedly as he bent to peer into the fridge, where he had placed the chicken he had smuggled over from the Manor earlier. As he began to pull it out, however, he paused. 

   It all happened in a matter of moments. 

   Butler saw the flash of a blade in the corner of his eye, and he realized the fatal error he had made- he had armed his enemy and turned his back. Jon Spiro may have appeared to be, at the moment, all but defanged… but he was still a violent criminal, and trapped in the dojo until Butler could coax further information from him. He didn’t want to talk about his captor, but in his mindless chattering about pointless things, Butler had almost forgotten who he was speaking to. 

   A trapped animal was at its most dangerous- and so when Butler saw a flicker of movement, training took over, and he sprang.

   Ducking out of the way, the bodyguard ignored Jon’s noise of confusion and dragged him off of his perch. Immediately, he felt a bright slash of pain across his outstretched hand as blood spurted across the white tile- Butler hissed in pain, but did not falter, uninjured hand immediately closing around Jon’s wrist and attempting to wrench the knife away from him. 

   The man yelped and lashed out, his feet thudding into Butler’s chest, nearly knocking the breath from him. Lifting him by the arm, Butler slammed the smaller man into the tile, slashed hand curling around his throat and pinning him to the ground. The wound was deep, stretching nearly from one side of his palm to the other- an attempt to slash or stab, Butler didn’t know, but the edges split further as Jon thrashed beneath him, and something in the sting of it made Butler see red. 

   “Drop the knife!” He roared, the hand closed around Jon’s wrist twisting sharply- Jon screamed something at him, free hand knocking into the side of the bodyguard’s head to no avail. The man’s eyes were bewildered and bright with terror- his fingers were still curled around the knife’s handle, and without hesitation, the bodyguard twisted the bone until he felt the joints grind and pop. Jon shrieked, the weapon clattering to the ground- in an instant, Butler had it pressed to his throat, the man forced to fall still as blood began to deep down his neck. 

   “I told you to drop it.” He hissed. 

   The other man stared back at him, eyes wide. Butler felt a violent shiver run down his body beneath him, Jon trembling as he leaned his head back, as far as he could from the knife’s edge. He opened his mouth to speak, voice whisper-thin and ragged. “You… you gave it to-“ 

   He cut himself off. Jon screwed his eyes shut and turned his head, shaking. Butler blinked. The sharp, splitting pain down his palm brought him back to reality- he could feel the other man’s pulse hammering, rabbit-fast with fear, beneath his fingers. Gritting his teeth, the bodyguard pulled away and jerked to his feet, knife raised in silent warning as he glared down at the other. 

   Jon didn’t move for several moments. Then, slowly, he lifted a shaking hand to his throat, pulling away to find his fingers smudged with red, Butler’s blood and his own. He stared up at them, face twisting slightly- then, struggling upright, he set his hands to the tile and tried to push himself to his feet. His wrist caved beneath him and Jon bit back a screech- his uninjured hand fumbled for the side of a cabinet door to steady himself, Jon looking down at his wrist with a sickened expression. 

   “It’s just a sprain.” 

   Jon flinched as he heard the bodyguard mutter. Looking up, Butler saw a flicker of violent anger ghost across his face as the man bared his teeth at him. “Fucking animal.” He spat, fingers curling around the cabinet’s edge as he shakily dragged himself up from the floor- instantly, his face went white, Jon leaving heavily against the countertop as he slowly stepped away from the bodyguard, his eyes fixed on the knifepoint held between them. “Fuckin…”

   He swallowed, hunching in on himself, clutching his injured wrist to himself- the anger dissolved into fear and a queasy, unsteady expression. Jon staggered back, his eyes not leaving the bodyguard until his back met the door to the bedroom. Then, Jon was gone, darting inside before Butler could find the voice to stop him. 

   There was the quiet click of the lock. 

    Butler waited for several moments, until he was sure the other was gone- then, he let out his breath, tossing the knife onto the countertop and falling back against the cabinets. “… Fuck.” He muttered, lifting a hand to his head to rub at the space between his eyes. What a shitshow.

   He looked down at his injured hand- not quite worthy of stitches, but it was going to need some kind of dressing. It throbbed with pain, still oozing blood. He curled his hand into a fist to test its motion, and bit back a groan. Ouch. 

   He had left the first aid kit in the bedroom. 

   Butler grit his teeth. Of course. Of fucking course. He wasn’t going back in there right now- looking back at the knife on the countertop, another flood of alarm coursed through him. He was lapsing in his judgment, arming a man who had once killed him. Even if Jon hadn’t been moving to harm him, perhaps only fidgeting with the knife as he did with anything else he got his hands on, it was better to have been safe than otherwise. That was what Butler told himself.

   I could have killed him. Very easily, in fact. He wanted to know what a Blue Diamond was like. Butler’s brow furrowed slightly. Well, now he knows.  

   Leaving the kitchen, Butler began to sort through his exercise equipment one-handed, slashed palm tucked close to his chest, now that he was alone. He didn’t have another first aid kit, but he did have material to wrap his hands with when he practiced his boxing, and that would be enough until tomorrow morning. 

   Finding what he needed, he sat himself down on the couch and began wrapping the injury with as much care as he could muster in his frustration. The dojo felt too small around him. If he went back to the Manor, that would leave Jon Spiro unsupervised on the estate- but staying here felt like hell. 

   Once he’s healed, Butler reassured himself. I’ll wash my hands of it. He was a professional- he had assumed responsibility for Jon Spiro’s care, and he intended to follow through. Once Jon was capable of leaving and surviving to make it back to the States, however, he was gone. 

   Flexing his fingers, Butler winced- not his cleanest bandaging work, but it would have to do. No more mindless conversation. It was too much of a distraction. He only had a week until the Fowls returned from Russia- this situation needed to be resolved before they set foot back into the Manor… or he would need to find an alternative solution. 

   Letting his hands fall into his lap, Butler leaned back for a moment- his gaze flickered to the bedroom door. Now that he had paused, the dojo was completely silent. 

  He turned his head towards the kitchen. 

  After a few more minutes, he heaved a sigh, forcing himself upright. His own stomach was growling, and he had no intention of wasting food. Pushing thoughts of everything but the task in front of him from his mind, Butler pulled the chicken from the fridge, and began once more to cook. 

— — — — — 

   It was well past midnight when the door to the bedroom finally opened. 

   Butler opened one eye slightly, remaining still and silent from his position on the couch, the lights long since turned off around the dojo. He watched as a shadowed, hunched figure peered around from between the door and frame, a pair of wide eyes taking note of his position in the living room- the sole kitchen knife rested on the coffee table beside him, within the bodyguard’s reach and waiting in warning.

   He almost expected Jon to turn back, then- the man hesitated at the door for several moments, watching him. Butler didn’t move, feigning sleep as he waited to see what the other man would do. 

   After a few more seconds, the creak of the bedroom door met his ears as Jon slowly shuffled out, one arm tucked tightly to his chest as he felt his way along the wall, towards the kitchen and out of Butler’s line of sight. Pots and pans rattled quietly as Jon rummaged around- Butler heard stifled curses and muttering as the man opened the fridge, fighting to keep dishes from clattering as he moved, trying to work one-handed. The fridge light shut off, the door bumped closed by a shoulder. The kitchen fell silent as Jon waited a moment. 

   Butler remained still. 

   Quiet, creeping footsteps thumped quietly against the carpet as Jon reappeared at the edge of Butler’s vision, free hand curled around a bowl. He froze once more as he spotted Butler, wary. Jon’s eyes narrowed- Butler knew, then, that despite the bodyguard having remained perfectly still and silent, the other man knew that he had been spotted. 

   Something flickered in Jon’s eyes for a moment- something unreadable. Then, without a word, he slipped back inside and shut the door behind him, and Butler was alone.

[robotslenderman]

So this just happened

[heymeowmao]