#look you are dealing with the best possible version of spock

[tarkalean-trekkie]

It’s All Coming Back to Me Now (Spock x Female Reader)

Version 1

Word count: 1,067

A/N: this takes place after Spock returns to the Enterprise after coming back to life. Reader is his wife, and is exhausted from trying to help him remember their life together, and contemplates divorce. I have 2 versions, one where Spock is more calm to the news, and one where he is slightly more confrontational(no violence don’t worry).

T/W: slight smut at the end, 18+

Y/n: My heart was conflicted at the thought of divorcing my husband. On the one hand, I wouldn’t have to deal with the stress of him not remembering our life together. However, on the other hand, I was devastated to lose my T’hy’la. I knew that I was being illogical and letting my human emotions get the best of me, but I was tired of crying. I cried when Spock died, I cried when he came back, and I cried when I showed him our family photo album.

Suddenly, the doorbell to our quarters chimes. “Come in,” I say.

Spock walks in. “Hello, wife,” he says, voice monotone, almost sad.

I reply simply, “hello, Spock.”

He sits down on a chair across from me. “I have overheard that you have been thinking of a koon’ut’kal’if’fee. May I ask why?” He asks.

I swallow hard. How can I tell him my reasoning without upsetting him? Even though he was still half Vulcan and half human, his human side was more dominant since he was resurrected. “Honestly, Spock, I’ve just been struggling with this. I know you can’t help that you can’t remember anything, but I’m having a really hard time telling you all of our memories. I know I should be grateful that you are alive, which I am, but I’m just having a hard time accepting things how they are. I-I’m sorry.” Tears well up in my eyes.

His expression softens. “Please, do not be sorry for how you feel. If this is really what you want, I can get in touch with the Vulcan council tomorrow. I just want you to be happy.”

Happy… that broke me. Would this really make me happy? At the current moment, I can neither live with or without Spock. “C-can I have some time to think before we make any decisions?” I ask.

“Of course. I would not want to make a decision unless you are certain,” Spock simply replies.

“Good.” I throw on my jacket. “I’ll probably be out late, so don’t wait up for me.” Maybe I can clear my mind on the observation deck.

—————————————————————

Spock: Y/n was right in saying she would be out late. At around 22:00, I decide to head to bed. Yes, I was saddened by the possibility of divorce, for I had gotten used to having her around. Wether or not I had any previous memory of her, I still found her very pretty and kind.

Sleep comes easy at first, but then becomes littered with vivid dreams. The first dream, y/n and I are stuck on a foreign planet, and are forced to share a sleeping bag to keep warm. Her small body fitting like a puzzle piece against my chest.

In the next dream, I’m experiencing Pon Farr. Y/n mates- makes love- with me, giving me her virginity. I am filled with an excitement and love I have never felt. Y/n looking like a beautiful goddess, I wish this dream would continue.

Finally, a bitter dream fills me. Y/n is pounding on a glass wall, crying and repeating my name. I soon realize this is my death, risking my life so that everyone aboard the Enterprise would be safe.

“I remember!” I wake up in a gasp. I had not just experienced dreams, but in fact, memories. Y/n, she is not only my wife, but my Ashayem. It’s all coming back to me now.

I jump out of bed, and run to y/n’s room. I knock on her door and wait. After a moment of no response I knock again. The door opens, revealing a sleepy y/n.

Y/n: “Spock, it’s four in the morning. What do you want?” I ask, rubbing sleep from my eye.

“Ashayem, sit with me,” he says, leading me to the bed.

I obey, and sit on the bed, asking, “ what’s this about?”

“I remember,” Spock says.

“Remember what?” I ask.

“Ashayem, I remember everything,” he states. His voice sounding more like his old self.

Could it be true? Could I really have my husband, my logical, Vulcan dominant husband back?

“Okay, what names did we have picked out when we decided to have children?” I test him.

“We decided on T’Ral, if we had a son,” he begins. For a daughter we agreed on Sh’vha.”

“Alright,” I breathe. “Where were we the first time we made love?”

I could see the slightest smirk on his face, the first smirk I’ve seen since before he died. “We we’re on Vulcan, of course. I was experiencing Pon Farr. I risked death or you risked losing me to my betrothed if we did not mate. You were willing to give me your virginity and be my bride just so that I wouldn’t die. For that I am forever grateful… no matter how illogical it is for me to feel such way.”

“Oh Spock!” I hug his neck. “You really are back!” A tear falls from my cheek. “Oh, T’hy’la!”

Spock: I gaze deep into her eyes, and I allow myself some vulnerability. “Oh, Ashayem,” I take her hand in mine, with a passionate Vulcan kiss. I have longed for her touch for too long. Y/n leans in to share a human kiss, that is just as passionate. The combination of both kisses fills me with a deep longing. It had been a long time since y/n and I had been intimate, and I could tell she was longing for me just the same.

Y/n undresses for me, and I do the same for her.

“Are you ready for me, Ashayem?” I ask, climbing on top of her.

She nods, “ just as ready as the first time we made love.” She smiles and kisses me.

I slide inside her, knowing that she will always be my beautiful bride, my Ashayem.

We share the most passionate night of love making we have ever experienced, when we are interrupted by our alarms going off.

Y/n gasps, “I forgot I had duty today!”

“Do not worry, Ashayem. You get cleaned up, and I’ll tell the captain you cannot make it today, and I shall spend the morning cuddling with you, just like we used to,” I reply.

She kisses me once more. “You’re the best Vulcan husband a woman could have.”

“And I suppose I must be the happiest Vulcan alive,” I reply, hooking my fingers with hers.

[maxwell-grant]

Cass wouldn’t even begrudingly tolerate [the Black Bat], because she’s even less lenient than Bruce on killing and far more willing to throw down.' - THANK YOU for remembering that.

Cass is my favorite Batfam member, the only one really that I have an active interest in reading about. I'd be incredibly ignorant to not bring bring up such a crucial aspect of her characterization. And even if I didn't personally care for her, well, last thing I'd want is to be another source of frustration for Cass fans. Lord knows there's enough of those to go around.

mousebrass also asked: On that note, how do you imagine a meeting between Cass and the Shadow going?

Fair warning: This one took me 6 hours to write, and it became a hell of a lot longer than I imagined. I liked Cass a lot, but I never quite realized I had this many feelings regarding her until I was tasked with writing this, and a lot of things clicked for me regarding my plans for The Shadow thanks to this ask. @mousebrass, thank you. I mean it. I think I may have found something here I've spent years looking for. Hope you enjoy the post.

I'm thankful that this scenario is only really taking place in a hypothetical fanon where both characters can get a fair shot, because I wouldn't trust DC with this premise. I don't trust DC with either of them as is.

There's a lot of ways that this crossover could go on about taking place naturally, initially because Cass is already connected to some of Batman's pulpier elements, due to her connections to Lady Shiva and the League of Assassins, and one could connect Cass to Myra Reldon (who really should just be race swapped if ever brought back so she can stand out as the cool character she is, without the yellowface gimmick holding her back). There's two things I think are crucial to making the most of this idea, and the first of which has to do with the subject of killing. I usually don't like to come up with hypothetical team-ups for The Shadow that focus too much on the fact that he kills, because it's far from the most significant aspect of his character to focus on, much of it is written from a wrong understanding of the character, and it never amounts to anything other than perfunctory. But here, not only is it completely unavoidable to discuss, here there is actually a very, very substantial grounding as to why this has to be such a big part of the story.

The first and foremost thing that's gotta be established to everyone reading that doesn't know already is this: Cassandra Cain, more so than Batman, more so than any other DCU hero, has a tolerance towards murder lower than zero, and this is completely non-negotiable. She will throw herself on the path of an assault rifle to stop men trying to kill her from accidentally killing each other. The defining moment of her incredibly grim backstory is that she was trained from birth to be the world's greatest murderer, and her first kill traumatized her so badly that she has pivoted as far away from that as possible. I stress a lot that the Shadow should not be written as the trigger-happy maniac comics made him into and that the pulp version killed mostly to defend himself and others, generally left criminals to the police if possible, offered plenty of second-chances, had stories dedicated to the rehabilitation of criminals and so on, but none of this would matter to Cass.

Cass has literally chosen suicide over the prospect of living with murder on her hands time and time again, and The Shadow kills. When he kills, he does so without remorse, with unshakeable certainty. He hates death, he doesn't want lives to be at risk in the first place. But people will die if he doesn't do anything, and what he can do, what he exists to do, is turn the tools of evil against evil, and murder is the oldest tool of evil there is. He doesn't kill because a war scarred him, he doesn't kill because he's got a demon in his soul, he doesn't kill because he's mentally off balance, he doesn't kill because he's evil or sadistic or arrogant or anything of the sort. He kills because the men he fights chose death when they sought to harm innocents and fire guns at him. He kills because he is Death itself.

Regardless of how compassionate he is or can be, regardless of the fact that he's motivated by a desire to protect people, regardless of how justified he is, he is still dropping corpses and laughing maniacally doing so. Cass's real arch-enemy isn't Shiva or David Cain, it's Death, it's the thing that she's fundamentally most opposed to. And guess what The Shadow gets compared to often enough? Literally the very first line of the very first book where we get to see him, this is how we are introduced to him:

So the premise here is that we are taking a character who is defined by her fundamental opposition to death with every fiber of her being, who understands death on a level no other human being does, who is traumatized and hard-wired to detest death at all costs and to choose suicide over it, and asking her to team up with The Grim Reaper.

Even if he received the most abject lesson conceivable on the sheer wrongness of murder, even if he does put down the guns around Cass out of respect for her, he cannot protect his agents and others if he cannot shoot or kill those who try to harm them, and the protection of the agents is absolutely non-negotiable and not at all something he's willing to fuck around with by trying out gadget kung fu superhero alternatives. The Shadow has chosen to throw his life away for their sake time and time again, and no matter how appaling or disgusting Cass finds his deeds, even if he concedes that she's right and should be right on all accounts and that he is fundamentally a monster who has no right to judge others, he would not concede on his mission and he would make it very clear she would have to put him down violently to stop him from protecting others this way, and death has not stopped him before.

And to be upfront in case there's anyone who doubts it, Cass would kick The Shadow's ass, if they had to fight. She is the strongest fighter in the DCU, she lives and breathes fighting and combat in a way no one else does. And The Shadow's not one of those characters who is supposed to be invincible and the best at everything all the time always, he can and does lose fights and scrapes to people far less adept at it than Cass. He's a great fighter, obviously, he hauls bigger men than him through doors and was disabling people with Vulcan neck pinches decades before Spock, and he would definitely have an edge in other areas, but he's out of his league here. Frankly, I don't see The Shadow raising a finger against Cass unless she's been brainwashed into killing people by bad writing. Not because she's a woman, that doesn't really stop him from dealing with evil. But because, for one, she's practically a child compared to him age-wise. Two, he'd obviously know beforehand of her capabilities and how futile it would be to fight or even provoke her. And three, the Shadow's whole thing is knowing. The Shadow Knows and all that. Knowing comes with understanding.

He'd understand very quickly that there is no way someone this young could grow so quickly into the world's greatest fighter without horrific treatment that no one should ever be subjected to. He'd see the movements too practiced and quick, the self-control, the strength and speed far beyond even the trained warriors he's seen, the places where she's been scarred and is good at covering it up. Assuming he doesn't already know about her life story, any meeting between the two would lead to him very quickly figuring out that there's something much deeper about her opposition to killing than just moral reservations, something deeper than Bruce's own gun trauma.

Denny O'Neil's 2nd Batman and Shadow story was about The Shadow secretly helping Bruce overcome gun trauma, and Bruce rejecting The Shadow's intentions to hand him a gun. And to make it clear, people tend to assume that The Shadow only helps people for utilitarian reasons, which is not true as I've tried to demonstrate many times now. I don't want to convey that he would want to help Cass overcome her trauma just so she could be more efficient or something, absolutely no, he'd help her because he helps people in any way he can. I think a story with The Shadow and Cass might involve a similar premise, The Shadow understanding that she has been traumatized very deeply by death and refuses to accept it on any terms, trying to help her overcome it, only to learn that she does not want to "learn" anything she doesn't already know, that she has weaponized her trauma into a source of strength, and wishes nothing more than to help others with it.

And here's where we get to the part that allows the two to be on less antagonistic terms, because one thing that also very strongly defines Cass, at least the Cass I like reading most, is her stubborn, almost desperate need to believe in the best of people, that people can and will change for the better. Like The Shadow, her strength too is knowing, it's perception, the things that she knows about people that words cannot convey. Just as there are many things The Shadow would grow to understand about her that others would not, there would be many things that The Shadow would not be able to conceal from her. Things that no one but her would figure out. Things that, despite her age and lack of experience compared to him, he would have to defer to her knowledge on, which reverses the usual dynamic The Shadow has with people. And perhaps one aspect of that reversal, it's that maybe it's she who winds up secretly manipulating The Shadow into overcoming a deeper issue.

Cass's perspective on killing is shaped not just through trauma, but from a painfully intimate understanding of not just what happens to someone at the time of death, but the cost of murder upon the human soul, the ways it warps people into things they never should have been. Killing is a deeply, deeply serious matter, much more so than fiction seems ever willing to go into. Of course we suspend disbelief for fiction, there's nothing wrong with that, but if a story starts asking questions, starts poking holes into fantasies, they should not be disregarded.

And so it begs a question: How has it affected The Shadow? Is he really as remorseless as he appears to be? Is the fact that he's only killing evil people really of that much use? What's the cost of living as someone who has to know so much about so much evil in so many hearts? Knowledge never comes without price, and knowing evil is his tagline. When he enlists Harry Vincent, he makes it very clear that he has lost lives as he has saved them. From when is that regret coming from? What lives did he lose then? Is he saving people by damning his soul or merely prolonging the inevitable by piling corpses on another end of the scale?

If there's a character that could meaningfully start bringing these questions forth, who could ever truly get The Shadow to stop and reveal things to the audience he never would otherwise, maybe Cass could be that character. A girl who was raised to be a monster, who is treated as a monster and an aberration in-universe (and even outside of it), and turned that into a strength she uses to help others, who cares about everyone and refuses to let others be dehumanized as she was. Who better to know what lurks in the Shadow's heart?

Sometimes when I get an ask, I bullshit my way through infodump walls of text until I can structure it into something vaguely resembling a point. And sometimes, and I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I get a very, very clear word on my mind related to it before I start writing, that almost seems to be a beacon pointing where I need to get to, and I work my way into getting there. Once you sent me an ask about crossing over The Shadow with Cassandra Cain, the word that came to mind the very second was Language.

It's an interesting relation the two have with language. Language is of course a very substantial part of Cass's character, who does not process language and linguistic development the way most people do, and instead reads body language to the point of superpower. Many stories revolve around Cass's relation to the concept of language, the help she may require from others in getting around things beyond her upbringing, and ways in which she has mastered beyond anyone's scope. Though she is mute, language is her power, what makes her what she is, and she is someone that Batman freely admits could kick his ass if she ever felt like it.

For The Shadow, language is also his power. He speaks all languages and connects allies all over the world, he is an expert ventriloquist, he is able to project his voice beyond what's physically possible, he can imitate voices perfectly to the point of being able to conduct group conversations single-handedly well enough to fool even the people whose voices he's imitating, much of his presence and terror and manipulation are done through his voice, arguably the very reason he exists in the first place is entirely because a radio actor's voice performance was so good and captivating that it tricked people into thinking the character was a real star and not just a glorified narrator. The man you cannot see, but only hear, the perfect hero for radio. And then of course the laugh, which I have a whole separate post on and which, in many ways, acts as a substitute for language in the novels. He uses the laugh so often as a substitute for statements or words, even to himself, that it's pretty much his own personal language. And language is at the core of how he deals with people, as he knows the right language to use to manipulate and move and help them. He knows what to promise, what to reveal, what to omit. He knows what to say, how to say it, when to say it. Language is the strings by which he puppeteers the world around him (and he can talk to animals, at least of one kind).

The Shadow and Cassandra Cain have mastered two different types of Language as throughly as anyone can possibly master them. The Shadow can talk a group of hardened criminals into killing themselves, Cassandra can punch a heart into stopping without killing it. The Shadow echoes his voice "through everywhere and nowhere at once" to whip crowds of thugs into frenzies, Cassandra outraces missiles and was tanking bullets as a child. The Shadow can lie and usurp lives so masterfully to fool even the families of those he's passing off as, Cassandra is a living lie detector who gleams inner conversations from miniscule reactions. The Shadow can speak every language known, Cassandra is the greatest master of the world's most universal language other than music. The two are supposedly human, but every now and then, something comes along to call that into question because of the things they can achieve. They cannot hide secrets from each other the way they do to everyone else. They are driven by a deep desire to help others, to make something out of the circumstances of their lives. To weaponize that which dictates they should be evil and monstrous into a relentless force of good.

Language is the root of understanding. And if nothing else, as impossible as a conciliation of their approaches to crimefighting may be, I think there could be an unique understanding between the two. Perhaps, and this is a bit crazier a concept but one that seems to be where I might have been heading towards all along, even Cassandra Cain finding a calling away from the frayed dynamics of the Batfamily, away from the Bat's looming presence, to become The Shadow's successor, swearing to uphold a mission of justice through non-lethal tactics while he stays on the backseat guiding her. If The Shadow could trust the safety of his agents and the protection of the innocent at the hands of someone as capable and selfless and good-natured as Cassandra, I think he'd be all too happy to be able to trust someone in such a manner, to no longer be the Master of Darkness, but instead to serve the next generation that's weaponized darkness without submerging in it. To achieve, and perhaps return, to his strongest, highest self: A disembodied voice heard, but not seen. Once again the narrator, not the star.

It's a concept I've thought about very extensively for the years I've been a Shadow fan, but now it occurs to me that, if I had to appoint a successor of The Shadow, someone who could take up the mission but shine on their own right, even improve it with the right guidance and circumstances, it would be Cassandra Cain. The Orphan, The Shadow of the Batgirl. Daughter of the greatest assassins, meant to be the world's most lethal murderer, instead pivoted to being one of it's greatest heroes, but never allowed to shine as she should. But in the darker, less restrictive and wilder world of pulp heroes, in The Shadow's world, a beacon would shine all the harder. Perfect strengths attached to perfect opposites, joined together for a greater good, unstoppable after together having weaponized that which most take for granted: the power of language to move worlds.

[vera-invenire]

For the character ask meme I can't not ask for: Lan WangJi

For this meme!

- FIRST IMPRESSION

From gifs on my dash – “So this guy’s the fantasy!China version of Spock? I guess? He seems a lot like Spock.”

 - IMPRESSION NOW

Oh my god, I love him. He is the best. The best.

 - FAVORITE MOMENT

????? Oh boy.

How pissy and outraged he got over the porn in the library.

How three seconds before that^ he said “Boring” while delicately, carefully putting the drawing WWX made of him aside because he doesn’t know how to handle feelings yet that are outside the spectrum of Meditation >> FIGHT ME.

Every time his brother teased him in a roundabout way about WWX

“Did you find out who was lurking in the back hills?” *drawn out pause full of teenaged drama* “Wei Ying.”

“Do you like MianMian?” That LOOK.

No, but actually, how he followed Mianmian out after she defected.

His FACE when he sees Wei Ying in Yiling

…when he cut off JGY’s arm, like. That was actually kinda of alarming, ngl.

The way he Cannot. Stand. Jiang Cheng, ahahahaha.

The way he smiled at the bunny lantern WWX drew and then IMMEDIATELY pulled his sword when he was caught.

Chickens. CHICKENS.

He just. Throws WWX’s arm around his shoulders and kicks open NHS’s door. Why? Because he wanted to.

Drunk!LWJ? Drunk!LWj.

Taking WWX to the same inn they stayed at when they were younger because it was a MEMORY and it MADE AN IMPRESSION.

Going to the inn in Yiling and listening to gossip (From whom did he learn to sit in inns and listen to gossip? Yeah.)

In Cloud Recesses, that little step back he did when they were looking at the sword and WWX was leaning on him and Lan Sizhui was like, delighted, because that’s what LWJ is like when he’s messing with people.

Bringing Emperor’s Smile into the Cloud Recesses IN FRONT OF HIS BROTHER with HIS HAIR MOSTLY DOWN, oh my goodness.

Putting the Silence spell on Su She.

When WWX was going to start guessing the name of the song and LWJ just jerked Lil Apple in a new direction to change the subject, ahaha.

The approximately 5 million times he cradles WWX in his arms.

…he’s my favorite, alright, it is what it is.

 - IDEA FOR A STORY

LWJ has been passive aggressively avoiding an arranged marriage ever since he got out of his three year seclusion, but now that he’s Chief Cultivator, the pressure (and offers/negotiations) to get married have gone up 1000%.

But unlike his predecessors who liked their thrones too well, LWJ travels around a lot and so everywhere he runs goes people are trailing after him and trying to lock him into matrimony. (Possibly there are even very foolish attempts to *entrap* him into matrimony.)

Alas, somehow it seems that every time LWJ goes somewhere and the matchmakers and the husband-hunters come out, all their efforts are derailed by – well, it changes. Sometimes it’s a dusty rogue cultivator with a rude donkey; sometimes it’s a young master with a dizi who doesn’t reveal his name but seems to know the Chief Cultivator quite well; or sometimes, when the big guns are needed, it’s the Yiling Patriarch himself, here to wreck a party.

Really, it’s all Wei Wuxian who keeps showing up where he knows Lan Zhan is going to be and is either accidentally or on purpose (or accidentally on purpose) derailing every courting/matchmaking attempt that looks like it’s making Lan Zhan even a smidgen uncomfortable. (Shades of Jiang Yanli’s situation, even if WWX knows the motivation this time around is very different.)

(Featuring: hunted!LWJ, trickster!WWX, jealous/sad!WWX, someone (maybe Jiang Cheng) asking WWX pointed questions on what the hell he thinks he’s doing, mutual pining for days, ‘so then… what kind of person would you want to marry’ and That Look from the Cave you know the one I’m talking about, and then Wei Ying proposes, fin.)

 - UNPOPULAR OPINION

(this is getting long, so let’s continue it under a cut)

I dunno, I think making him Chief Cultivator is going to lead a coup d'etat. I’m not even joking. It is close to being the *worst* job for him, and that’s not even considering the mess of secrets and politics and social engineering JGY left behind. You think LWJ’s gonna deal with that well? Nah nah nah.

I used to think Lan Xichen would be the best choice after getting out of seclusion since he’s moderate and a peace-maker, but honestly? Give the job to Nie Huaisang. He might need some time to, like, recenter himself, though. Figure out what else he wants to do with his life now that all the revenge has been sorted. Maybe after things start unraveling a bit it’s WWX who starts nudging NHS in that direction in order to free up LWJ for roaming the world like they both clearly want, hm. So LWJ as Chief Cultivator for 1-3 years, then it’s Nie Huaisang.

 - FAVORITE RELATIONSHIP

??? Wangxian????

Also, his relationship with his brother during the flashback.

And the hateship between him and Jiang Chen because it honestly gives me life.

 - FAVORITE HEADCANON

He kept in sporadic touch with MianMian over the years which is why he was like, ‘let’s stop for water here’ and looked very at ease at her house. The little girl already has a spot saved for her in GusuLan should she wish to train in cultivation.

[grandtheftstarship]

I Will Spend My Whole Life Loving You (Spock x Fem!Reader) [Request!]

“Fic Request: Spock x Fem!Reader (Vulcan/Human hybrid) go on a romantic date!”

”Headcanon or Fic Request: fem!Reader being married to Spock!”

“Request: Spock x Human-Vulcan Fem!Reader get married on the Enterprise. Preferably TOS Spock please.”

- @sovereignoblivious

Hi there! Thank you for requesting :) I decided to mash these all into one since they are all kind of similar. I hope you don’t mind! Also, I write for mainly AOS but nothing really distinguishes it from TOS so you can imagine it taking place in TOS if you would like! I also totally forgot about the vulcan/human hybrid until I was about 1k words in, so if it’s not as well represented I’m so sorry!! I tried to fit it in as best I could :(

I wrote this like a recap of your relationship with Spock, so there’s not much dialogue. I tried to be as detailed as possible!

Also, sorry for the lack of updates... the school year just ended and I went on vacation for two weeks to visit my family in Hawai’i! I had no wifi for nearly 10 days and let me tell you it was AWFUL. Haha. I’m so glad to be home. The rest of this summer will hopefully be full of updates! Keep the requests coming!

ALSO, THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE FOLLOWS!!!!! I gained 20 more followers while I was away! I love you all so much :D!!!

Word Count: 2377 Warnings: fluff, swearing, mentions of self-harm/self-loathing

Send a request!

You had absolutely hated Spock at first. Boiling, raw, pure hatred for him, even though your reasons were unfair and you knew it. 

Your initial thought was to just avoid him as much as possible, but that plan was eventually foiled when you realized how difficult that was going to be when he was in almost all of your classes, his dorm was literally directly across the street (like you could look out your window and see right through his window, how you both happened to be on the 17th floor in separate buildings and the same room number was beyond you) and you saw him probably more than ten times a day. 

He was there on the walk to class in the morning, there during class, there during lunch hour, even there sometimes on the walk home after class. Once you thought it couldn’t get any worse, your professors started pairing the two of you for group projects. When you asked why, all of their answers ran along the same lines: ‘You both need to learn to get along’ or ‘You could learn a lot from each other’ and other shit like that. You started getting suspicious when you suddenly had four projects assigned with him as your partner. You asked your friends about it when you were getting frustrated and all they did was share a look between each other and shrug. When you and Spock set a date to finally start working on all of your projects, you started dreading it. You found yourself lingering around, whether it be to ask a professor a question that you already knew the answer to after class was over or staying late at the library so that you wouldn't have to go to bed and wake up the next morning, a whole day closer to doomsday. You tried to tell yourself that the reason you were doing that was because you hated him and didn’t want to be around him for any amount of time, but when the familiar burning sensation you always felt when thinking of him started morphing into something else you got scared. The change startled you, suddenly feeling self-conscious and unsure as opposed to your typically confident nature. It was all so new and it was especially frightening when you didn’t have enough time to unpack it before your workday with Spock, so, instead of dealing with it, you tried to push it all down.  

When the day finally came, it took every ounce of willpower you had to roll out of bed and get dressed. It was a Saturday so you didn’t need to be dressed in uniform, so you went with some black sweats that had ‘STARFLEET’ written down one side and a  [f/c] tank top. It was a little chilly outside, so you threw your favorite hoodie on as you walked out the door. You tied your hair back in the elevator, careful to leave enough down to cover your ears, put your keycard into the side pocket of your backpack and you started the walk to the campus library. 

If there was one thing you were most self-conscious about it was your Vulcan ears. You didn’t like your Vulcan side as much because of your father. He was half-Vulcan half-human, while you were three-quarters human and only one-fourth Vulcan. You were glad you only inherited the ears, not the eyebrows. You and your father didn’t have the best relationship, or any relationship at all, really, and you never knew why. He was often strict and unfeeling, never exercising his human side in front of you. He left when you were eight years old for a Vulcan science mission and never came back. Your mother still loved him, though you never saw him show any sign of affection back. You always believed your mother deserved better, and that was when your hatred for Vulcans started to manifest. Starting with yourself. 

A few years after he left you fell into a dark place, although you were exceptional at hiding it. You would often stare at your sharply pointed ears in the mirror and pull on them, hoping that if you pulled hard enough from the bottom they would even out. You would wear earmuffs year-round so that nobody would see. When you were fifteen, you snuck out and got them pierced several times so that they would appear more human. They also compelled you to become more emotional to appear less like your father. 

You shook yourself out of your reverie as you walked out of the front entrance of your building. 

Luckily for you, Spock was not walking down the opposite sidewalk so you slid your headphones under your hood over your ears and shuffled your playlist. The walk was much shorter than you would’ve preferred and you sauntered up the steps into the vast hall. Since everybody was off, the library was used more as a hangout area than a quiet study hall, save for the actual study hall in the back, so it was a bit louder than usual. 

You spotted Spock sitting at one of the smaller open tables next to one of the windows overlooking the grounds. The fluttery-anxious feeling was back again, causing you to swallow hard as you approached him. 

“Hey,” you called as he looked up from the window. 

“Hey,” he greeted, somewhat awkwardly. Setting your backpack down, you sat down across from him. He was wearing casual clothes too; a plain green sweater and some jeans, though you thought it was cute how he still wore his badge. You shut your eyes tightly and cursed yourself. 

I don’t think he looks cute, I don’t think he looks cute, I don’t think he looks cute-

“[y/n], are you feeling alright?” he asked. 

You opened your eyes and glared at him. 

“Fine, just mentally preparing,” you snapped. 

He did what you could only assume was his version of an eye roll, but what surprised you was the flicker of a smile that passed over his features. It was only there for a fraction of a second, but your cheeks reddened as your heart raced.

What is happening to me?

“Would you like to begin?” he started pulling out papers and you gulped.

This was going to be a long day.

Surprisingly, that wasn’t the case. You had never really sat down and talked with Spock before, and to your astonishment, he was a really cool person. You both talked for hours, barely getting any work done, and before you knew it the library was empty and it was almost nine pm. You packed up your things and headed back towards your dorms you continued to talk and he continued to make you laugh and once you made it to the front entrance of your building you couldn’t even remember why you had hated him in the first place. 

You smiled and told him goodnight, feeling the heat creep up on your cheeks. You swore that you saw his own cheeks tint green. You both stared back at each other for a moment, feeling yourself gravitate towards each other for a brief second before you realized what you were doing and leaned back a little. He bid you goodnight and with the tiniest little smile you had ever seen, he turned away and crossed the street. You shook yourself out of your daze and hurried inside, texting your friends to meet you asap in your dorm. Even though it was late, you knew your friends and their Saturday night habits. 

You asked them about Spock again, this time a little less aggressively. They looked shocked at your calm, almost lovestruck expression settled over your features, glancing worriedly between themselves. 

Your friends were there for hours talking with you about your feelings and how you were to deal with them until you all fell asleep. They told you that this was just a case of misinterpretation of feelings, so when you felt so strongly towards Spock you mistook it for hatred when it was really admiration and infatuation. The confirmed that the same thing had happened to Spock, though he had realized much sooner. When you asked them what that meant, they dropped the bombshell on you.

“[y/n],” [friend’s name] said gently. “Spock has been smitten with you since midterms. Almost everyone knows, except for you apparently.”

You sat and stared for a minute, unsure how to react. Giddiness rose above all the other emotions you were feeling, forcing a smile to form on your lips. You felt all choked up, excitement raising your heartrate and slowly taking away your ability to breathe.

“So, even the teachers know?” you managed to force out. Your friends chuckled. 

The teachers assumed something was going on, but didn’t know for sure since you acted so hostile towards him all the time so they went out of their way to pair you and Spock together. 

You thanked your friends and invited them to stay the night. 

The next day you had planned to work with Spock again, so you left your friends a note and told them they could stay as long as they liked as long as they locked the door before they left. 

You met Spock at the library again but this time you actually did get some work done, and quickly. When you both finished, you packed your things and took a walk around the grounds. You talked all day about random things, interests, favorites, childhood (you tried your best to leave out the part about your father) and a little bit about your hopes for the future. You did most of the talking, though Spock did contribute on occasion, like he talked a bit about his love (or as he put it, ‘subtle interest’ but you knew better) for music and his passion for science.  

Hours passed quickly and the sunset came quickly. You and Spock were sat on a grassy slope overlooking the San Fransisco Bay, watching the sunset. 

“[y/n], I have something to confess,” he broke the silence. You turned to him.

“Go ahead.”

“The truth of the matter is that I harbor no malice or hatred towards you,” he started, looking away from you. Even in the dim golden light from the descending sun, you could tell he was uncomfortable. “My... feelings towards you are quite the opposite.”

You stared blankly at him for a moment. Even though you had already known, hearing it come from his was a totally different story. You scooted a little closer to him and placed your head down on his shoulder. He relaxed beneath you, accepting the action as one of reciprocation. You felt his hand brush over yours and the spark that followed after confirmed a Vulcan kiss. You raised your head up to meet his eyes, which flickered between your lips and back up. You leaned in slowly to give him time to back out if he wasn’t comfortable, but to your surprise, he was the one to close the distance. 

This kiss was sweet and only lasted a few seconds. When you pulled away, you could see the tiniest hint of a smile on his lips. Your smile faded, though, when you remembered your lie. 

“I have to tell you something,” you said softly. He nodded slowly, letting you remove your hand from his light hold.

You pulled your hood back and tucked your hair behind your now exposed ear. You couldn’t look him in the eye as he stared at your earring-ridden ear that mirrored his. 

“You’re... Vulcan?” 

“A quarter,” you replied softly, wringing your hands in your lap. Spock reached out to grasp them in his own, forcing you to look back up into his eyes. 

“Why did you feel the need to hide this from me?” he asked you gently. “It would not and does not change the effect that you have on me.”

So, you explained in the waning sunlight what actually happened in your childhood and the issues with your father, why you ended up hating all Vulcans and that’s why you hated him too in the beginning. 

“You don’t need to be ashamed of your heritage because of him,” he told you when you finished. “You don’t need to hide part of who you are because of his mistakes. I can assist you in exploring our culture to help change your views if you would like.”

You threw your arms around his neck in a tight hug. 

“Thank you,” you murmured.

                                                      _____________

You and Spock stayed together for the remaining years at the academy. You brought him home to meet your mother (who instantly approved) and you did almost everything together. Date night was your favorite time of the week, which ranged from movie nights or fancy dinners. Your favorite one was when he took you out of the city to go stargazing and set up the cutest little picnic complete with lanterns and fairy lights. It was romantic and beautiful being there with him and listening to the wildlife as the stars made themselves known. He showed you all the constellations he knew of. 

Before you knew it you were both assigned on missions. At first, you were separated; you on the USS Bradbury and him on the USS Enterprise, but with some convincing, you were reassigned to the Enterprise. 

After your first run-in with danger when Nero attacked and your near-death experience, Spock decided it was time to pop the question. You were married not long after by Jim, who you had gotten very close to because of Spock. You had asked Nyota to be your maid of honor and Spock chose Leonard (who agreed despite his recurring annoyance with the Vulcan). You were awarded a larger, shared quarters and time off duty to spend time together. 

Married life was much more normal than you had originally thought it was going to be. Everything just started to slow down around you, and you always had a sense of calm whenever Spock was near you. The butterflies you always felt when he was around died down and instead you felt an overwhelming amount of safety and comfort. 

He was all you had ever wanted, and he was forever yours.

[biscuitreviews]

Biscuit Reviews Star Trek Discovery (Season 2) (SPOILERS)

After watching the first season of Discovery, I thought, “what first season of Trek isn’t awful, maybe Discovery will hit its stride in the second season.” Then I watched the second season... 

That was a thing.

As mentioned previously in my season one review, technological inconsistencies will not matter and Lore will be taken on a case by case basis. Season 2 will be judged on Season 2 alone, but I will bring up Season 1 events if appropriate. I won’t be going over every episode as Season 2 had a continuing storyline.

Spoilers will be discussed so if you haven’t watched either the first or second season, you’ve been warned.

Season 2 immediately picks up where Season 1 left off, with the USS Discovery answering a distress signal from the USS Enterprise under the command of Captain Christopher Pike. With the Enterprise heavily damaged, Starfleet has tasked Pike to take command of Discovery to continue his mission on investigating seven signals that mysteriously appeared with no explanation.

Having Pike come in is once again an excellent way to bridge this series with the TOS timeline. We also get to see more of Pike himself as our only experience seeing Pike in action is the TOS pilot. Pike is a Captain that will do anything for the crew he serves. He upholds Starfleet’s ideals of peace and exploration. We even get to see Pike still continue to carry the guilt of being able to do nothing during the Federation/Klingon war, something that we also saw in the pilot episode of TOS which was a really nice touch of connecting that this Pike we are seeing is the same Pike from the pilot.

As for where we are exactly in accordance to the TOS timeline, Season 2 takes place at an undetermined amount of time after the events of the TOS pilot. However, from what I have observed with what Discovery presents to us, my guess would be we are about 8 years away from the first episode of Kirk’s command of the Enterprise which we saw in “The Man Trap”. Which would put the events of the pilot happening around the first or second year of Pike’s command of the Enterprise. Take that little detail with a grain of salt, but again, with what we’re presented, I feel this makes the most sense in terms of the timeline of the Prime Universe.

However, despite how awesome Pike was, I felt season 2 used him as a crutch to keep the series up. It seems that the second season wanted to highlight Pike as the main character rather than Michael Burnham, you know, who the series is actually supposed to be about?

Speaking of Michael, what’s her story this season? Finding Spock after he broke out of a psychiatric hospital. Why is Spock in a psychiatric hospital you might ask. He’s there because he’s connected to the seven signals somehow and believes that the creator of the signals, known as the “Red Angel” is communicating with him. Spock also enters a “logic breakdown” trying to figure out if the Red Angel is real or not, seeing how he’s the only person that has had any form of contact with this being.

We’ll get more to Michael’s story soon, but first let’s go ahead and address the elephant in the room. How is Spock in Discovery? He’s fine. I don’t have a problem with this Spock showing more of his emotional side as it lines up more with how Spock was portrayed in the pilot of TOS. However, what I do have a problem with the conflict he has with Michael Burnham and how the writers handled the rest of Spock’s family. Spock resents Michael, why does he resent Michael? The reason for said resentment is what I consider to be one of the most offensive things to happen to Spock himself.

Amanda Grayson, Spock’s mother, saying how she couldn’t give all her love and support to Spock because she didn’t want to confuse him with his Vulcan/Human heritages and being raised the Vulcan way.

What the fuck.

Look, I know canon established that Amanda had difficulties with raising Spock and how she faced challenges with the Vulcan upbringing. But even through all of that, she still showed her love towards Spock and did her best to give Spock the support he needed during his formative years. We’ve even seen Spock in TOS and the movies be very warm towards his mother, even AOS reflected this. To have Amanda say she gave everything to Michael not only gives more unnecessary resentment Michael faces to the longtime Trek audience, but also does a disservice to the established relationship between Amanda and Spock that we see in TOS and the movies.

Let’s not forget the other reason Spock has resentful towards Michael, because she called him a half-breed when they were kids. The reason Michael did that was also really weird, which was for the sake of protecting him from the Logic Extremists to show that they hated each other. I’m sorry, but I don’t think that would stop a terrorist organization trying to harm Spock. This seems like another case of the writers needing a patchwork reason to show why they never went after Spock as a child to uphold established Lore and that was what they came up with.

As for Spock himself, well my complaints for Spock are the same as Pike’s. He was used as a crutch for the season to keep interest, which was not necessary. A Spock appearance was inevitable with the adoptive nature he shares with Michael, but to have him play the large role was unnecessary, especially with what we learn about Michael’s connection with the Red Angel.

Now Sarek, this season, I will have to admit, he was handled much better than the previous season. We see a Sarek that cares for Spock, even partaking in Vulcan rituals to attempt to reach out to his son when Spock is missing. We see Sarek doing everything possible to help Spock. Even when he’s faced with a dilemma between turning Spock over to the Federation for questioning, we see that internal conflict he faces on whether it’s the best course of action. 

However, his reason for turning him over was a really dumb reason. 

“Because the Federation can take better care of Spock.” 

I’m sorry, but every piece of Lore, every Star Trek series, has shown that nothing can take care of a Vulcan better than another Vulcan when it comes to these mental issues. We see this in TOS, we see this in DS9, we see this in Voyager, and we see this in the movies. But it’s the thought that counts I guess? Not really.

Another reason for turning Spock over is that it’s because he believes in Spock’s innocence and that he believed it was logical to have Spock, Pike, and Michael provide their evidence regarding the Red Angel and why Spock didn’t commit the murders he was framed for. He knew that for Spock to be cleared, it was logical to appear cooperative and with the Discovery crew actively investigating the Red Angel and Spock’s alleged crime, it made sense. That part I get, and I wish that was just the reasoning, instead of tacking on the whole “Federation can take better care of Spock because of his condition.” It would have really highlighted Sarek’s loyalties to the Federation, while at the same time showing his love for Spock. But we didn’t get that. Instead we got the Federation can take better care of a Vulcan than another Vulcan.

Now, what about the other characters? Staments’ storyline dealing with the revival of his husband Dr. Culber I’ll admit is something I was not a big fan of. If anything the revival of Dr. Culber, got rid of the development and drive Staments had in the end of the first season and the need to want to leave Starfleet at the beginning of Season 2. It had the potential to tackle a sci-fi issue, is this alternate version of a character the same person, or are they a completely different person?

The initial answer I’ll admit was rather intriguing. Dr. Culber can recall the experiences, but those experiences are not his and he even stated as such. He even moves out of the shared quarters with Staments to figure out who he is as well as show that this Dr. Culber is indeed a different person. I was looking forward to the two of them getting reacquainted and see a new type of relationship develop. A new romance, a friendship, or maybe not get together at all. Instead, we got the new Culber picking the relationship back up with Staments without any real meaningful development or reasoning as to why he chose to re-enter said relationship. 

Now Trek has always played with character deaths. In fact, Voyager is a series that played with it alot, at least every character died at some point, but got revived because of either breaking time loops, changing the past, or having alternate universe versions just take over. The reason it worked with Voyager is because the crew were in an unknown part of galaxy and were doing everything possible to get back home. All of it was written and ingrained in Voyager’s story and DNA.

With Discovery, this felt more like a mistake they were trying to correct in season one by negating the “killing the gay” trope to be like “see, he’s not dead. It’s Trek, just write it off!” No, I’m not going to write that off, Alex Kurtzman, you just did more of a disservice towards these two characters just like the disservice that happened to them in season one.

Saru’s arc is not only amazing, but also in many ways relatable to his self-discovery as a Kelpian. We learn that Saru’s planet, his species actually used to be the oppressors towards the Ba’ul many years ago. Now that the Ba’ul have risen to power, they have turned their revenge on the Kelpians and are now oppressing them. Saru begins to enter a stage in a Kelpian’s life where it has been long believed that he is entering death. Instead he’s entering an evolution in his species. The fact that he doesn’t know what this new stage will do or how to go about it is very relatable. As a human person, I sometimes don’t know the inner workings of my body. Everytime we see a species in Trek, they know everything about their biology so to see an alien species actually not know something about theirs is very relatable.

I did love Tilly’s arc with communicating with the mycelinal network. Thinking she’s losing her grip of reality little by little, coming up with the conclusion on what was happening, reaching out for help when she needed it and the Discovery crew giving her actual honest help. If only they actually provided that level of support for another character that reached out for help. Don’t worry, I’ll be getting to Ash Tyler later. Hell, when Tilly was taken into the mycelinal network, Discovery did everything they could to get her out. The second part of her arc, which occured in the finale, was handled terribly in the writing sense as it actually required you to watch another series known as “Short Treks” to understand as it introduces a new character, Me Hani Iki Hali Ka Po (which I will refer to as Queen Po moving forward).

Yeah, I’ll deviate from Discovery a little to briefly mention Short Treks. Short Treks was meant to be more of a supplemental series telling short stories within the Trek universe. It’s a great idea for lore building but to have one episode required to understand how something in the finale happened left a bad taste in my mouth. 

Take Saru for example. He had a Short Trek episode that showed how he joined Starfleet. Yet it’s not required to watch as Saru gives what you need to know in the main series, but if you want the full experience you can watch the Short Trek episode or don’t, either way, you have everything you need. Even the Picard prologue episode doesn't require you to watch it first as again, what you need to know is in the series itself.

But Tilly’s episode regarding Queen Po, if you don’t watch it, you’ll be lost as to why this new character is important as well as her connection to Tilly.

So what about Ash Tyler, what’s he up to. He’s on Kronos!  Maybe he’s acting as a liaison between the Federation and the Klingons? Nope, he’s now the husband of the new Klingon Chancellor, who was his rapist. He forgave his rapist and then married her. 

Do the writers just not know what to do with him? 

I’m sorry are we going to forget everything that he went through in season 1? How he would enter a mental breakdown at the mere mention or sight of her. Are we going to forget all of the physical and mental abuse that was done to him, just sweep it under the rug and forget that everything happened because they now love each other? 

Look, I know canon established that Klingon women are very violent and physical towards their mates. But you know what Trek also established, that it was consensual when someone would engage with a Klingon in any sort of courtship or sexual relationship. But everything that happened to Ash Tyler wasn’t a part of Klingon culture and courting, it was not consensual, it was torture and rape in a time of war!

Look, the writers need to do better. He had some great potential to highlight issues such as PTSD and male rape victims. But it got bungled so hard that I don't even know how they can fix the mess they have made of his narrative. Would certainly be better for him if the writers stop trying to have him be a posterboy of issues that they clearly do not understand how to convey. 

Oh, they have a kid too. But the father was the Klingon who’s personality and soul was fused into Ash Tyler and now he needs to protect the kid, because reasons. So he and the Chancellor fake Tyler’s death and the death of their child. Those events bring him to join Section 31.

Now, Section 31 has been mentioned here and there in Trek lore, we would see their presence every now and then in DS9. We learn that Emperor Georgiou has actually become a member of Section 31 and would be an ally to the Discovery crew. Seeing a Mirror Universe person try to acclimate themselves to the way of life in the Prime Universe, which is a very drastic change compared to what she’s used to was a very refreshing change of pace involving anything that deals with the Mirror Universe. 

From being a leader of an empire that nearly brought the galaxy to its knees, to now taking orders from Starfleet. Not only that, but she must also obey her superior officers and report to her commanding officer, Leland. Whom in classic Mirror Universe fashion, does what she can to become a new commanding officer of the ship.

I’ll admit seeing more of this is something that I would like and I really hope that the Section 31 series starring Emperor Georgiou really takes off.

Leland will actually be our “big bad” for the season. He will be killed and have his body taken over by a Section 31 AI known as Control. Control’s immediate goal is to obtain consciousness, however, it’s the connection with the Red Angel that explains why Control is a threat.

The Red Angel is Michael’s mother, Gabrielle, who was thought to be dead. This actually added a lot to Michael’s backstory. Michael’s mother worked for Section 31 and was developing a time travel suit. Why was she working on a time travel suit? Because Section 31 obtained evidence that the Klingons were developing time travel technology. That little part I’m a bit weirded out on as I don’t think Klingons would even waste their time on time travel tech. Honestly that seems more like something a Romulan would do than a Klingon, but ok, I guess we’ll go with that.

When the Klingons attacked, she attempted to use the suit to go back in time to get her family out before the Klingons came. But, instead of going into the past, she ends up 950 years into the future, where Control has evolved and eradicated all life in the galaxy.

With Michael hoping for a joyous reunion with her mother, we find Gabrielle determined with one mission and one mission only, to stop Control. I actually really liked Gabrielle’s coldness towards Michael as it shows that she has been trying to stop Control for a long time. The exhaustion on her face, the zero emotion she had when reuniting with Michael and the sharpness of her dialogue delivery show a woman that has seen everything she cares for die in front of her repeatedly. So much so that Michael’s attempts to reach out to her are met with a callous mindset that Gabrielle knows too well. Why should she bother trying to reconnect with her daughter, if to her she’s simply going to die soon anyway for what is probably the thousandth time?

We even see Michael desperately trying to find some sort of connection, some sort of in to allow her mother to feel what she is feeling and that moment right there you really feel for Michael and just wish that her mother would at least hug her or something. 

It’s these moments that help Michael grow more as a character and help her stand on our own, without the need of Sarek or Spock holding her back. These moments show a Michael that just wants to save her mother, and show her that this long battle she has fought can end and that the future can change. Michael has lost her mother once and she is now in a position to save her.

This is how you bring a reunion, this is how you make a character standout. By having Michael show herself and her feelings. Not attach her to something that she really doesn’t need to be attached to for the sake of creating a connection with legacy characters for the buy-in. 

After the final battle and stopping Control, we see the USS Discovery and its crew find themselves 900 years into the future and that is where season 2 ends and where season 3 will begin.

Once again my main complaint is terrible writing that disrespects the characters. It disrespected Michael by having her continue to be held back by Sarek, Amanda, and Spock. It disrespected Spock by completely trashing his relationship with his mother. It disrespected Staments and Culber by just negating a major death from the previous season, tackle an interesting topic, and then just back out and move on like nothing changed. It disrespected Ash Tyler by continuing to have him be a representative of not-so-much talked about issues and still doing everything wrong on bringing awareness. 

Hopefully being in the future can free Michael and allow her to grow now that Sarek and Spock are no longer holding her back since they’re now dead. Hopefully this allows Ash Tyler to no longer be tortured by the writers ignorance. Hopefully, they stop messing around with Staments and Culber and actually show both of them starting a new relationship, or just have them both remain friends or show them finding new love. Also, I hated that they used this to essentially “test the waters” on their version of Pike and Spock to see if a new “Strange New Worlds” series would be welcomed. Despicable!

But with how the first two seasons have been so far, I’m not holding my breath.

Star Trek: Discovery Season 2 receives a 2 out of 5

[douxreviews]

Star Trek: Discovery - ‘An Obol for Charon’ Review

Burnham: "You found yourself among the stars. You found your strength, your bravery."

By nature I love brevity: Though it's over-the-top and melodramatic at times, and perhaps too much was crammed into this single story, 'An Obol for Charon' is an episode in the true spirit of Star Trek. The character interactions and the performances are absolute gold.

'An Obol for Charon' borrows from such classic Trek as 'The Corbomite Maneuver,' 'Babel,' and too many TNG episodes to count. While I don't think that the only way to keep a classic Trek feel is to borrow story elements from other episodes, this is a step in the right direction. DIS has had a different style and tone from the other shows all through Season One, which is one of the numerous criticisms the show's detractors love to use.

Where 'Charon' really shines, though, is in its characters and their interactions. Interesting pairs or groups of characters spark off of one another in this episode, and it's fascinating to see their dynamics. The first pairing I want to look at is new engineer Jett Reno (Tig Notaro) and Stamets. Notaro again infuses her character with the sort of dry yet light humor she employed in 'Brother' earlier this season. Her sarcastic clash with Stamets is interesting because she resembles who he used to be. Remember back in 'Context is for Kings,' when Burnham first came to engineering? Stamets was stiff and reserved, with a biting wit that he used on anyone he didn't like. Now, after his loopy encounters with the Spore Drive and the emotional blow he took from Dr. Culber's death, he's an emotionally responsive, caring human being. He may be tired of the world and resigned to his unhappiness, but he's grown a lot from the stick-in-the-mud he was in 'Context.' Reno isn't as far along the spectrum as Stamets was back then, but she's certainly no stranger to those sarcastic, cynical tendencies. Her interactions with our present-day Stamets, as annoying to him as they are, provide a window into how much our engineer turned spore pilot has grown since 'Context.' It's very welcome.

Along the same line of Stamets' emotional openness are his interactions with Tilly here. This relationship has been steadily growing since the start of the show, and it feels quite earned. He's lovely as he deals with her and comforts her through the very stressful and scary experience she's going through. The scene where he sings her favorite song with her to distract her from the drill he has to stick into her head is both stressful and sweet at the same time. I am loving the dynamic between these two this season. More, please.

The crew continues to feel like a family in this episode. From the opening briefing - Discovery's first, if I'm not mistaken - to their silent tribute to Saru later on, everyone seems to have nailed down their team dynamic. It shows. We got a name for our Saurian friend Linus, who first appeared in 'Brother' and might very well fit in better on The Orville, and Cmdr. Nhan from the same episode returned to do... pretty much nothing. This episode also marks Rebecca Romjin's first appearance as Number One from 'The Cage.' We haven't seen much of her performance yet, so I won't judge it too much as of right now, but she seemed perhaps a bit more emotional than Majel Barrett's Number One. To be fair, unemotional was about all Majel Barrett could do convincingly - why do you think she was the computer voice for so long? - but I feel like Romjin should try to follow the established canonical character. That said, I liked her scene with Pike. I hope they finally canonize her name in her future appearances.

This brings us to the final important character interaction in this episode, probably even its centerpiece. This is the relationship between Burnham and Saru. Quite honestly, this one fell a bit more flat with me. While the pair's dynamic has been steadily evolving ever since 'The Vulcan Hello' way back, I don't really feel like they've gotten to this point yet. At the end of Season One, I'd have said they were over their animosity, and possibly now friendly towards one another. I would never have said they were close enough yet to be good friends, let alone calling each other 'family.' The other thing is that the dramatic death fake out for Saru was way too over-the-top and drawn out for me. They should not have done all that only to save him at the last second. Even though I knew in the back of my head that they wouldn't kill him, I found myself thinking he might die. Now, while some consider this a good thing because it gives the story stakes, there is a difference between worrying that a character will die and this. Here, it was getting to the point where the only emotionally satisfying ending would have been to kill him. It felt like a cheap cop-out when he didn't die. And even though he's now experiencing a huge change in his life, and this will probably fuel many wonderful Saru stories going forward, it still felt like a very low-consequence storyline. That said, I think Sonequa Martin-Green and Doug Jones did the absolute best that could be done with the writing, and I am very impressed with their work. No complaints there.

I don't have a whole lot to say about the peril/sentient sphere plot. It worked, especially the Babel stuff, and it was very much in the spirit of New Life and New Civilizations. Though it was a bit derivative of other Trek fare, I couldn't point to a specific episode they were copying, unlike pretty much every episode of The Orville ever. The sphere's connection to Saru was well set-up and worked, and the ship's malfunctions made sense and weren't too plot-convenient.

A few major developments from this episode. The first is that we seem to be getting much closer to Spock. If the narrative is any indication, we may see him in the next few episodes. This is due to the Disco's chase of his shuttle as well as Burnham's newfound willingness to connect with him. The second major development is May and her newly named species the JahSepp. The revelation that there are beings in the Mycelial Network and that they are harmed by the Disco's jumps is very interesting. Maybe this will be the reason that the ship will stop using the drive, and possibly the explanation for why the technology doesn't appear in later Trek. The third and final development is the loss of Saru's ganglia. The character has, as he says, been defined by fear up until now. It will be interesting to see him adjust to life without that fear going forward, as well as whatever changes he has in his abilities now that his ganglia are gone. His ability to sense and understand people's emotions will be severely limited by this. I look forward to doing more with this.

Strange New Worlds:

This episode took place entirely aboard the Disco.

New Life and New Civilizations:

Firstly, we encountered the sphere. It's fairly run-of-the-mill as far as Trek 'obelisk' species go, but it worked fine. Secondly, we learned that May's species is called the JahSepp. They live in the mycelial network, and the Disco's jumps hurt them. Are there other species living in the network? And how will all this lead to the resurrection of Dr. Culber that many of us suspect is coming?

Pensees:

-What is it with this season and colds?

-Of course, the sphere was red. Is it connected to our larger mystery?

-Saru's multi-lingual abilities came up again here. I didn't think the mention earlier this season felt like an obvious set-up, so that's a point for continuity.

-So, I guess solar energy becomes a way more viable method of powering the earth at some point in the future, if Stamets is being accurate. That's cool. Also, I'll take incidentally topical television lines for $1000, Alex.

-What was Pike doing in the hallway when he met Burnham and Saru on the way to sickbay? He never explained it.

-I liked Saru's sentiment about having never shared his own language, while he learned so many others.

-There were a few rough cuts in one of the scenes between Burnham and Saru. Burnham started moving away in one shot, then was standing still when it cut.

-Everyone rising as Saru left the bridge was a nice touch. Or it would have been, if he'd actually been going to die.

-Another mention of Saru's sister Siranna, who appeared in the Short Trek 'The Brightest Star.'

-More stellar performances by Bahia Watson as well as the main cast. Mary Wiseman and Anthony Rapp in particular were wonderful to watch.

Quotes:

Pike, to Burnham: "My abiding trust in you does not eclipse the mission at hand."

Reno: "I didn't realize a greenhouse could be 'critical' or 'propulsive'?"

Stamets: "It's my version of the house dressing, but it saves your life." Reno: "Huh."

Saru: "I am a... a slave to my biology."

Saru: "It will be a slow process, like army ants eating a water buffalo."

Saru: "I am dying, Captain, but I am certainly not dead."

4.5 out of 6 life-saving house dressings.

CoramDeo thinks his spaceship knows which way to go.

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The Art of WordPress Troubleshooting

It may seem difficult to find out why anything isn't working as planned if you're new to WordPress or even if you have some experience. It would be great if we could just wave a magic wand and have everything “fixed” instantly, but in fact, diagnosing and resolving problems takes a little more effort. Since it would be difficult to outline troubleshooting steps for every possible problem, this post will stick to general troubleshooting. The purpose here is not to clarify how to solve all of your problems, but rather to walk you through the fundamentals of WordPress troubleshooting. Remember that troubleshooting is more of an art than a science, but there are tried-and-true tactics and steps to follow if you get stuck.

The fundamentals

The measures below will help you troubleshoot your WordPress issue.

You should be aware of what you're doing. WordPress has simplified the method. It's possible that it's too easy. As a result, a lot of people are jumping in with no idea what they're doing. You wouldn't get behind the wheel of a car without first learning the fundamentals. For example, learning how to accelerate, brake, move, turn, and so on. Similarly, knowing at least the fundamentals of WordPress is important. Anything, including troubleshooting, becomes simpler with a good understanding of WordPress. And the good news is that there are a zillion different ways to learn WordPress fundamentals. So either do your own research and put it together, or get a copy of my book, The Tao of WordPress, where I bring it all together in a straightforward, succinct manner.

Check out the documentation.

For all themes and plugins, read the readme.txt and/or documentation. Most of the questions I've got in my years working with WordPress are answered in the readme.txt file. A readme.txt file must be included with almost every plugin or theme hosted on WordPress.org. The only way to solve problems is to stop them in the first place, as is the case with many things. Always read the readme.txt and/or other available documentation to ensure you have the knowledge you need to prevent errors when successfully using the plugin or theme. So take a look at the documentation; the answer may be right there waiting for you.

Look under the Help tab.

To get contextual information at any time, go to the Admin Area's "Help" tab. In the upper-right corner of almost every screen in the WP Admin Region, there is a Help tab. By clicking it, you'll get access to valuable information that will help you answer any questions you may have. Good plugins also have healthy Help menus on their websites, which are very helpful for learning how things function and configuring things.

WordPress Codex is a good place to start.

The WordPress Codex is another good source of knowledge. It goes into great depth on almost every aspect of WordPress. Take some time to read the related pages at the Codex if you get stuck with something or intend on doing something that you may get stuck. It's difficult to go wrong with official documents.

Look for hints.

Getting a handle on a tricky bug or problem may seem to be an impossible task. Especially if you're new to the game and have no experience with the script or issue at hand. Try looking for some relevant details to help you come up with a solution. There is a wealth of WordPress information available online, and chances are that someone has already been there, done that, and written about it. Seriously, WordPress powers over 20% of the Internet, so there's a decent chance you'll find some useful information through a search engine. So look up a few keywords related to your problem and see if someone else has posted a solution, clues, or something else that may help.

Clear your browser's history.

Your browser saves a lot of information about the sites and resources you visit. Be sure to clear your browser's cookies, cache, form info, and/or anything else you're working with to ensure you're checking the most recent code. I prefer to use several browsers, with most of them running in “clean” mode all of the time, with no saved history or results.

WordPress should be updated.

Make sure you're using the most up-to-date versions of WordPress and all of your plugins. It's the most effective way to rule out incompatibility problems caused by running obsolete models.

Make sure you have copies.

Always ensure that you have checked and full backups of your website. Files and databases can both be backed up. It makes no difference how you get there as long as you have backups that can be used to restore previous features if necessary. Remember that backing up your site isn't enough; you still need to verify the backups to ensure that they're complete and functional. Again, regardless of bugs or difficulties, these are the most important things you should be doing. In general, sound advice. Continue reading to learn more troubleshooting methods, tricks, and tips once you've covered these basics.

Consider the facts.

When troubleshooting, think like Spock and try to solve the problem logically. Remember that you're dealing with scripted logic at the end of the day, so finding the source of a problem is technically always possible. In general, troubleshooting entails identifying and replicating the problem, removing irrelevant variables, and running enough tests to confirm the hypothesis. Here's a fast rundown of each of these principles, which will help you break down problems and find possible solutions.

a description

It's nice to be able to explain or identify what you're trying to address in order to grasp it. Using the phrase "Oh noes!" as an example. The phrase “WordPress isn't working!” is simply meaningless. Something more concrete, such as “My homepage is not loading,” would be preferable. “My homepage is not loading the right theme template,” for example, would be even better. Continuing this argument, the definition of the problem would ultimately point to a solution, such as: “When my Reading settings are set to show a static posts page for the front page, my homepage does not load the correct theme template.” In this case, the description necessitates a solution, which would include ensuring that the theme contains the appropriate template file. The better prepared you are to address a problem, the more succinctly you can describe it.

Reproduction

It must be possible to continuously reproduce the problem in order to find a solution. It is possible to test and observe a problem after it has been repeated. Let's say you're using an e-commerce plugin that's having trouble processing those transactions. It works in some cases, but not all of them. Sure, you might start fiddling with settings and codes in the hopes that anything would work. However, being able to reproduce a failed transaction and limit the research to that case would be preferable. Replication means that the decisions you're doing are resulting in the desired result.

Getting rid of something

It's critical to remove as many irrelevant variables as possible before isolating and determining the problem. Let's say you've only triggered 50 plugins all at once (ouch!). And now your front-end pages are not loading. To figure out the plugin (if any) is causing the problem, start by removing as many variables (plugins) as possible. Disabling all plugins and reloading the homepage will reveal whether the problem is caused by one or more of your numerous plugins. If the homepage unexpectedly loads, you can start re-enabling plugins one by one before you find the culprit. The elimination process is a useful tool for troubleshooting almost any problem.

Examining

You are now prepared to begin validating potential theories using these techniques. When it comes to troubleshooting, you're basically using the same principles and concepts that are used in scientific research: evaluating current situations, identifying a hypothesis, conducting experiments, analyzing data, and coming to a conclusion. Any beginner literature on the scientific method should be queued up for more serious learning in this area. It's decent material, and it's also a lot of fun :)

Things to stay away from

There's a list of "important" things that will make your life easier with WordPress, and there's a list of things that will make your life more difficult:

Support in Activation of several plugins in bulk

Don't turn on a slew of plugins at the same time. This is something I see all the time. People install a slew of plugins and then turn them all on at the same time, expecting it to just "run." It's rare that this is the case, so take your time and trigger one plugin at a time. You can then configure the plugin and test its features in a tidy, systematic manner. Otherwise, if you just mass trigger a bunch of plugins and something goes wrong, you won't know which one is to blame and will have to spend a lot of time trying to sort it out.

Plugins and themes with a shady reputation

Get your plugins and themes from WordPress.org whenever possible. If you do use a third-party website, make sure it is credible and reliable. You're taking a huge gamble if you go any lower. Malicious code is often found in plugins and themes distributed via "warez" and "pirate" style "sharing" pages. It's never a good idea to download unauthorized copies of something that involves code (or illegal copies of anything, for that matter). Ignorant people find it far too simple and enticing to inject shady exploit scripts and other malicious nonsense. Sticking to the official source and avoiding shady sites will help keep your site clean and send you peace of mind.

Having a zillion plugins active support

So many times I've logged into someone's site to assist with a problem, only to be confronted with the nightmare scenario of "WAAYY TOOO MANNY PLUGINZZ!!!" Seriously, 10-20 WordPress plugins to get the work done is understandable, but 50 plugins?!?! There are 100 plugins?! There are several exceptions, such as when using plain, dedicated plugins that concentrate on a single/specific mission, but in general, it's better to keep the number of plugins to a minimum. Aside from lectures, I advise people to take a more cautious approach and install only the plugins that are absolutely appropriate. Activating an excessive amount of plugins can just complicate things, increase maintenance load, and waste valuable resources including bandwidth, memory, and time unless you're cautious. In general, more plugins equals more risk.

WordPress support provided by third parties

So, in general, using third-party services and integrating them with your WordPress-powered site is fine and secure. However, it is important to consider the possible drawbacks and repercussions of doing so. Before allowing open access to your database and information, make sure you completely understand what every 3rd-party functionality is doing.

If you're having trouble with something and can't figure it out, check to see if any third-party scripts or plugins are involved, as they may be causing problems. It's one thing to keep track of what you're doing on your website, but it's another to know exactly what improvements Facebook, for example, is making to their API, widgets, and other features. APIs are constantly changing, so if you use one, keep an eye on what it's doing.

Changing the core

Never make changes to the core files while operating with WordPress. The same is true of plugins and themes. Make no changes to the main files. This would just cause further issues and should not be considered a solution to the bug or issue you're trying to fix. If you need to modify core features, use a plugin or the functions.php file in the theme. After all, that is why they live in the first place.

Examine the fundamentals.

It's always a good idea to go through all of the basic troubleshooting measures when in doubt:

Examine the documentation. Relevant details can often be found in the theme or plugin documentation. Known bugs are often documented, along with potential workarounds and solutions. Still, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always, always This is something I can't stress sufficiently.

Examine all options.

Examine all of the settings and choices of a plugin or theme before using it. Frequently, there will be some mysterious (or obvious) setting that alters the plugin's behavior. So, if you're trying to diagnose and fix a problem, going through each plugin's settings could reveal a quick, one-click fix.

Examine the error logs.

Any website should have an error-logging and access-logging system in place. The ability to examine what, where, where, and why errors and other problems occur on the server is provided by error and access logs. They are a treasure trove of knowledge and are truly indispensable resources for those working online. If you're not sure where your site's access/error logs are, ask your host; they should be happy to point you in the right direction.

Examine the functions.php file.

Check any custom scripts that might have been added via the theme's functions.php file if you're trying to diagnose a theme-related problem. To decide whether any code in functions.php is at fault, look for any newly implemented functions or use the halving process.

Check for grammatical errors.

How many times have you tracked down a problem to a simple syntax error? This has happened to me many times. Take a fresh look at the code you're dealing with while you're troubleshooting and look for any subtle typos or other coding errors. Take a break before doing so to refresh your eyes and look at the code from a different angle, or ask a coworker to look at it for you. Hopefully, whatever code-editing program you're using includes syntax highlighting, making any mistakes easy to find.

Additional information

Also, note to verify the following while troubleshooting:

• wp-config.php directives with custom directives • Custom directives in the php.ini configuration file • Custom directives in any.htaccess file (s) • The server's control panel can be used to set up settings and instructions.

If any of these things are present, they can cause problems. Make a comprehensive investigation!

Return to the previous place.

If you get lost when working on your blog, go through your previous acts again. This is known in web development as "rolling back" to a previous version or build. For example, if you recently updated an excellent plugin and the new version is causing issues, you may want to roll back to the previous version, at least until the error can be recorded and fixed (i.e., don't stick with an old version). Similarly, if anything stops working properly when you're making improvements to your site, try "undoing" any previous measures. You know, revert to the last documented working state and start over. This will often expose any errors or incompatibilities.

Mode of debugging

Running WordPress in "debug" mode is another perfect way to troubleshoot. Debug mode displays bugs, alarms, and notes that can reveal valuable details about what's going on (or not going on) underneath the hood. You can allow debug mode by setting WP DEBUG to true in the wp-config.php file, as described in the WP Codex: allow debug mode with define('WP DEBUG', true); After you've completed your checks, convert true to false (without the quotes) to switch off debug mode. For more details, see the WP Codex. There are some excellent debugging plugins available at the Plugin Directory, in addition to WordPress' built-in debugging functionality:

• AskApache Debug Viewer • Debug Bar • Debug Objects

Debugging code is a vital part of the creation process, and if the authors of your themes and plugins are doing their jobs correctly, debugging should show that everything is as clean as possible. Contact the creator if you find a flaw in a theme or plugin. If you find a bug in the WordPress center, follow the steps outlined in the WordPress Codex's Reporting Bugs guide.

Create a default WordPress installation.

If a plugin or theme on your current WordPress site isn't running, try setting up a test installation of WordPress. Most themes and plugins are tested at least on a default WordPress setup, so replicating that environment will give you a baseline and allow you to check that all is working as intended. It also allows you to compare the discrepancies between a standard WordPress site and a site where a theme or plugin isn't working.

No modifications should be made to the default installation, which should be exactly as it came out of the package. Make no changes to the settings, plugins, or themes. This provides you with a suitable forum for checking theme and plugin functionality. Let's assume you're designing a WordPress site and you've tweaked the settings quite a bit. Then you install a new plugin, and something goes wrong or the plugin doesn't work as it should. Having a default WordPress installation available makes it simple to see if the plugin works in the first place. Simply install and trigger it on a standard WordPress installation to see how it works. If it works, you should start looking into the inconsistencies between your site and the test site. Continue by recreating your site on the test site, checking each step to see if the plugin (or whatever script) stops working. This will show you which part of your configuration is interfering with the plugin. If, on the other hand, the plugin does not function with the default WordPress installation, you can contact the plugin creator for assistance.

The database should be reset.

If you're working on a new site with no content, you may want and try resetting the database to see if that helps. There are a few good plugins for doing this (see links below), but you can also do it manually by deleting the old database and visiting the installation file, /wp-admin/install.php, in your browser. As a result, the installation process will begin and the database will be recreated from scratch.

Resetting the database after playing with a bunch of new themes and plugins is a perfect way to clean up any leftover data before finalizing configuration and customization for output, even though there are no problems with your site. • Database Reset for WordPress • WordPress Reset Other options and tools for interacting with the WordPress database can be found in the Plugin Directory.

Restart the method.

If all else fails and the problem is too complex to troubleshoot or reverse engineer, try installing WordPress from scratch and rebuilding your site piece by piece. Yes, setting up a new database and installing WordPress takes time, but it allows you to identify the problem when it arises in the timeline of your site's growth. In certain cases, simply resetting the database and uploading a new collection of files would solve the problem. When things get too difficult, starting over might be the answer.

Plugin troubleshooting

If something stops working after you trigger or upgrade a plugin or theme, it's most likely the plugin or theme that's to blame. This is why it's a good idea to install and configure plugins one by one, checking for proper functionality as you go. If you're not sure which plugin or theme is causing the problem, there's a tried-and-true method for figuring it out. Here's how it works in general:

1. Some features aren't working properly. 2. Temporarily disable all plugins to diagnose the problem. 3. Then, one by one, reactivate each plugin, checking for proper functionality after each.

If you're troubleshooting a specific plugin, you can switch off all other plugins except that one. The aim is to eliminate variables so that you can figure out which plugin (if any) is causing the problem. Here's a diagram to help you imagine the procedure: I've used this tool dozens of times to separate problematic plugins on client pages with a large number of plugins. It could be easier to set up a test WordPress installation if your site has a lot of plugins.

Themes troubleshooting

Essentially the same concept as troubleshooting plugins, but with themes instead of plugins. Switching to one of the default WordPress themes, for example, will help you figure out whether your theme is to blame for a tricky bug. If the bug persists, it's not your theme's fault. If the bug vanishes, the problem is most likely with your theme.

Troubleshooting basic problems examples

These basic examples demonstrate several troubleshooting measures for diagnosing specific issues. Following the reasoning behind each move can give you a better understanding of how to apply this approach to general troubleshooting.

The shortcode does not work.

A recent support desire provides an excellent illustration of the troubleshooting process. The desire was to assist in determining why a shortcode on the web was not working. Here's the gist of my answer, which describes some rational steps to take to rule out extraneous variables and pinpoint the problem's source: • Try some other 3rd-party shortcode to see if shortcodes work • Try the shortcode on a different Post/Page to rule out location as the problem • To rule out location as an issue, use the shortcode in any widgetized sidebar. • To see if there's a problem, try placing the shortcode in the WP text widget. • Try the shortcode in the default WP theme to rule out any theme-related issues?php echo do shortcode('[shortcode]');?> in theme template • Disable plugins to see if there are any problems in that department. This isn't an exhaustive list of items to look for while troubleshooting shortcodes, but it was enough to get the individual to figure things out and fix the problem.

Email is not working properly.

But you're having trouble getting email to work in WordPress? (or anywhere else for that matter). It seems that WordPress isn't sending the emails. Alternatively, the emails could have been sent but not received. Or, if only Hotmail or another special service is used, the message is not sent (s). When dealing with email problems, bear in mind that there are a number of factors to consider, including:

• WordPress • Active WP theme • Plugins • Custom scripts • Server software • Hosting rules/policy • DNS/domain protocols • Network features • Spam-blocking scripts • 3rd-party providers such as Gmail, Hotmail, and others • Email headers

Email is one of the most complicated items to troubleshoot because of all of these factors. Check Email is a plugin that can help rule out a few of these possibilities. You can start there and work your way up until you've figured out what's wrong. The check-email plugin determines whether the problem is caused by WordPress or something else. Unfortunately, fixing email problems necessitates some detective work, so roll up your sleeves and get to work ;)

The updates aren't running.

There are a number of things to consider when it comes to automatic/one-click updates: • Look for any revealing mistakes in the site's error log. • Troubleshoot active theme • Troubleshoot plugins (security plugins, firewall plugins, and so on) (custom scripts in functions.php, etc.) • Look for any custom code in wp-config.php • Look for any relevant.htaccess directives • Check the server for any firewall or interfering rules • Check the web host for any firewall or interfering rules

Check out DigWP.com's What to Do When Auto-Update Fails for a more in-depth look at the different factors that may be causing this issue. In addition, the following tools may be useful when diagnosing outbound HTTP requests:

• HTTP Requests Testing • License Activation Troubleshooting • Server Test Plugin

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Getting Support with WordPress Help

There are several resources available to assist you with WordPress. Of course, doing a few fast searches for your favorite search engine is the fastest way to find out what you're searching for. If you're having trouble with a particular plugin, for example, check the Web for the plugin's name as well as any related keywords. If you can't find something useful, here are some general tools for assistance:

• WordPress Support Forums • WordPress Codex Guide to Troubleshooting • WordPress 3.5 Master List • WordPress Codex Guide to Finding Aid • WordPress IRC Live Help • WordPress Questions • List of WordPress Developers & Designers

As you progress with WordPress, familiarizing yourself with these tools will be beneficial. You should be able to find almost everything if you're good at searching. If you can't find something useful, you might need to contact a developer.

Prior to requesting support,

After you've exhausted all possible troubleshooting options, you may want to seek assistance from a developer or another support source. Here's what you should include in your help desire:

• Any appropriate screenshots showing what's happening • The name and context of any associated error messages • A straightforward, concise description of the problem and how to replicate it • • Any measures or possible solutions that you've already attempted • The URL of your blog and/or any related articles or pages • The name(s) of any relevant plugin or theme

It's also a good idea not to bombard your developer with too many desires at once. It's far easier to seek assistance with one problem at a time. It is polite to do so, and it also helps to keep contact coordinated and on track.

Keep it genuine.

Working on the internet necessitates troubleshooting. Bugs and problems are an unavoidable part of our work. Debug and troubleshooting routines are well-established among experienced developers, and beginners should put their skills to the test as much as possible. The next time you get stuck, use this guide to help diagnose and resolve the issue. Troubleshooting on your own is a valuable skill to have, and it will save you a lot of time in the long run.

Details to Know Follow:

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[the-no-good-moonite]

cortana, find “how to remove STD”

So yeah here’s my thoughts on Star Trek Discovery as of the ninth episode:

its ugly, sounds like trash, is terribly badly written and probably smells weird if in a physical format

but allow me to elaborate a bit a lot

the sound and visuals are the smaller problem admittedly; I like plenty of things that looked arse when they were first made and look like double arse now, so if the writing wasn’t so bad I would be willing to accept this as a flaw of the series and concentrate on the rest of it. as it stands...

the music just kind of being “there” is nothing new (see: large chunks of the other series), but it’s still disappointing. the sound design being terrible on top of that? that’s trash. nearly every time a ship opens fire we get minor variations on generic and ill-fitting turbolaser sounds... I mean come the fuck on. you don’t want to be restricted by tradition, go nuts, but if that’s the best you’ve got to offer you shouldn’t have 

(I realise that choice is likely a result of a directive from on high and not entirely the sound team’s doing, but it’s still executed poorly)

as for art direction... well, John Eaves is a very poor choice for how much they’re giving to him (most of starfleet it looks like? not sure who’s doing the klingons but what little I can see of them isn’t impressing me either). I don’t hate his stuff outright like some people do, but he’s very “safe” and has exactly one aesthetic that has worn out for me and compares badly to what they’re making it contemporary to here

the art direction in general is quite bad though - there’s so much nebulous shit that glows blue in the same kind of way that it legitimately confuses as to whether or not it is the same thing - and the way it’s all shot is boring and unremarkable at best. 

(and oh look, it’s another trek villain who has a colour scheme of mostly metals and neon green. get the fuck out of here)

the... space fight choreography (not sure what else to call it?) is absolutely the worst part though, it’s almost claustrophobic, everything’s jammed together like it happening in a bloody fish tank. the camera has no great desire to give us a clear view of what’s happening, or of any object other than the discovery and the ship of the dead. they almost appear to be going out of their way to avoid giving a clear look at anything else, which makes me think they’re not being given the time or budget to make models that will withstand close examination... which would be expected, but still laughable as ever

the spore drive and all the effects associated with it are ugly as sin and conceptually terrible also; I will accept no dissent on this point

sets and props are kinda “eh”, but i’ve not seen anything overtly wobble, and that’s apparently the only metric that matters so uh, good job there

so! the writing. the horrible, horrible writing.

I’m going to mostly ignore the actual dialog here, because while it is deserving of flak, it’s mostly stock phrases and interactions you’ve seen significantly better or worse versions of. so not a lot to actually say about it. I don’t like much of it and the attempts at humour are pretty lame.

what I take issue with is the overall construction of it... like they’re doing a “maybe the federation isn’t right about how it does things?” kind of thing and im onboard with that, asking questions on if the federation is really what it presents itself as has potential. but they’re not actually asking any specific questions.

and this kind of attitude pervades the whole show; there’s vague noises about stuff - maybe both sides are wrong - or whatever and the odd “aren’t we explorers?” but ultimately the show has little to no opinion on any of it (or doesn’t yet anyway), just making enough of an effort to try and get you to think it does, and then let you fill in the answer you agree with most... 

if it sounds like im leading in to a “intellectually hollow centrist liberal” kind of comparison, you fucking bet I am, because that’s pretty much what it feels like to me

I mean I expect someone’s going to try and claim they’re just going for moral ambiguity, but I struggle to think of many actual examples of that in anything, and it DEFINITELY looses any claim to such when you have characters being told that actually no, Their War Crimes Were Entirely Justified and then nobody says any different

(star trek has no substantive claim on moral consistency, but that’s just fucking indefensible, and it shouldn’t be left even slightly ambiguous if Lorca was in the right for saying that. which is kind of a recurring problem with that character, contradictory as that may appear for me to say that right after my previous comment...)

then you’ve got the portrayal of the klingons as man-eating space orks... who are doing a holy war... even if that didn’t conflict horribly with the (for star trek) more complex portrayals of klingons in the past, on it’s own it feels like it’s undermining the claims to progressiveness  just a little bit 

(well it’s part holy war and part MQGA [Make Qo'noS Great Again] but you know what I mean)

and plotwise now we’re doing... voyager? maybe in the mirror universe? I don’t know. I guess they won’t stick with it for long enough to redo voyager’s worst mistakes but why am I having SG:U flashbacks all of a sudden

funnily enough I actually like SG:U more than discovery, though that may be partly not having watched it since it aired

lost my train of thought here, uh, characters bad?

or some characters bad anyway. I like maybe half of them to some degree actually, despite the dialog and how inconsistent the portrayal of nearly everyone is in between - or within - any episode (another old problem for trek, but it’s really grating with the format here)

there’s plenty to criticise though; i’m really unsure the writers have any clear idea of what Tilly’s “deal” is (only socially awkward? on a spectrum? just “weird”? who can say!) or if Stamets is an asshole or a just good-hearted grump... there’s other things like that. maybe they’ve detailed stuff in interviews, but the show itself is terrible at communicating any clear intent

but Michael and Voq’s fake personality Ash are definitely the worst characters, so i’ll focus on them

I will maintain that Michael’s backstory is rubbish, making her Spock’s secret sister is amazingly unnecessary rubbish. on top of that, we’re told she’s a top of the line member of starfleet which is then immediately undercut by her doing something stupid and reckless that almost gets her killed (after which she then presumably irradiates everything between sickbay and the bridge...) followed by doing something stupid and reckless that gets a lot of people killed and starts a war! this is arguably the most prominent trait of the character

she kind of comes off as a suicidal maniac, is my point.  Captain Georgiou is quick to jump to a suicidal option too (and im just gonna say... most prominent asian person in the series to date... suggests a suicide attack...) 

does this version of starfleet just not do psych tests until you hit admiral? of the two that have actually done things we’ve had two walk into obvious traps, but one of them seems comparatively well adjusted

anyway, so we’ve got Michael, a pet character of some writer who changes personality every other scene and totally not Voq, we swear and Ash. who is about the most blandly likeable love interest possible, and definitely Voq infiltrating starfleet, how long are they gonna drag this secret cylon constructed memories bullshit out just bloody kill me already and also a survivor of sexual abuse (and torture) with PTSD. 

they heavily implied this was the case when they introduced the character, and then in episode 9 it was confirmed explicitly by the character in question... that’s all fine, feels like a bit of a cheap grab so they can be a “mature“ story but let’s see how it plays out... and oh.

they went and showed (what was framed as but aren’t necessarily) the events in question. this is, at best, tasteless and inappropriate

now, i’m not going to say they’re going to handle this in the worst way possible, but what they’ve done so far is making me really fucking uncomfortable! I do not have faith that this will resolve even remotely well

and then there’s the whole thing where his memories are likely 100% manufactured as cover, which has a good chance of giving this whole situation an unpleasant taste all on it’s own

I also really had no need to see these new klingons naked anyway, or any naked klingon really, and in context cable drama nudity is absolutely the worst thing they could’ve copied from game of thrones without thinking about it

anyway, that’s [however many, I don’t want to check] badly formatted and often grammatically incorrect words to say: 

The show is bad. You disagree? Ok. I disagree with you. Now nobody is happy. I would prefer to be happy. I am not.

Goodnight.

[bisoroblog]

How Learning Science Is Catching Up To Mr. Rogers

Editor’s note on Aug. 8, 2018: This piece has been substantially updated from a version published in 2014.

A solemn little boy with a bowl haircut is telling Mr. Rogers that his pet got hit by a car. More precisely, he’s confiding this to Daniel Striped Tiger, the hand puppet that, Rogers’ wife, Joanne, says, “pretty much was Fred.”

“That’s scary,” says Daniel/Fred. He asks for a hug. The boy hugs the tiger. Not a dry eye in the house.

That scene is from Won’t You Be My Neighbor, the hit documentary airing across the country with a 99 percent rating from critics on Rotten Tomatoes.

At first, such a film might seem superfluous. Why make a movie about a man who appeared as himself in hundreds of highly rated television episodes? Someone as familiar to millions of adults as a childhood friend?

Not because it reveals some shocking hidden side to the TV host, husband, father, Presbyterian minister, puppeteer, composer, organist, best-selling author and noted cardigan aficionado. He wasn’t gay, says his good friend and co-star Francois Clemmons, who is. He wasn’t a Navy SEAL, either — not sure how that rumor got started.

What makes Morgan Neville’s biographical documentary so necessary, in fact, is that it shows Rogers was exactly what he appeared to be. Someone who devoted his life to taking seriously and responding to the emotions of children. In a word: to love.

Yes, Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood was slow. It was repetitive. This was thoroughly, developmentally appropriate; Rogers was informed by his coursework at the University of Pittsburgh, by pediatricians like Dr. Benjamin Spock and Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, and his mentor, child psychologist Margaret B. McFarland.

The show was also deep, and not afraid to get dark. The topics and the format, it turns out, are as relevant to education and child development as they ever were:

Trauma

“What does assassination mean?”

“It’s when someone is killed, in a surprising way.”

The date was June 7, 1968. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. had been assassinated just days before. Fred Rogers and his team addressed the incident directly in an episode aimed both at children and adults. It explored how to share your own feelings and answer children’s questions and common concerns. It also showed how children process scary events through play.

It’s hard to think of any children’s media today, let alone a TV show in its first season, that so directly, and quickly, responds to the news.

Yet there is far from a shortage of traumatic events today, and parents and teachers need help talking about them. It’s a topic we’ve covered often on NPR Ed.

NPR’s Susan Stamberg appears in the documentary, saying she liked to invite Rogers on the radio to reassure parents and children. In 1979, for example, she had him on to talk about the Iran hostage crisis. He often brought a message that’s become almost a meme today: When the news is scary, “look for the helpers.”

Early childhood education

Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood focused on one audience: preschoolers. And for good reason. Today, increasing evidence points to the importance of early childhood education. Its impact can be felt decades down the road — in adults’ education levels, incomes, even health.

Social and emotional skills

Mr. Rogers was in it for the love. “The whole idea,” he told CNN in 2003, “is to look at the television camera and present as much love as you possibly could to a person who might feel that he or she needs it.”

But he wasn’t all sweetness and light. The shows repeatedly took on emotions like anger and sadness, too. He wanted children to learn that “feelings are mentionable and manageable.” I may get mad and even feel violent, went one song, but “I can stop when I want to.”

His shows, books and songs were carefully designed to give kids the tools to deal with what he called “the inner drama of childhood” — from sibling rivalry to loneliness, anger and edgier topics like gender expression (as in the song “Everybody’s Fancy”).

Today, the science has caught up. Research tells us social and emotional skills, including self-regulation, and being able to recognize emotions, are as important to success as academic achievement.

Digital media and young minds

Fred Rogers’ attitude toward electronic media perfectly mirrored the love/hate relationship many of us have with technology today. “I got into television because I hated it so,” he told CNN in 2001. Over decades, he reached millions of households and won every award in the business. His position was simple: TV is here to stay, and its ubiquity and power must be harnessed to help our youngest and most vulnerable.

“In a young child’s mind, parents probably condone what’s on the television, just like they choose what’s in the refrigerator or on the stove,” he once said in an interview. “That’s why we who make television for children must be especially careful.”

Yet his position was ambiguous, for even as he condemned most television he became one of the century’s most embraced TV personalities. The film portrays him as basically single-handedly saving public media with his heartfelt testimony to a Senate panel in 1969.

Today, the debate about both the quality and quantity of children’s media use is hotter than ever. Four in 10 children under 8 have their own handheld device, and they spent nearly an hour a day with them, according to one 2017 study.

Leaving aside the question of dosage, how much of that content could, or should, parents condone?

Public television still exists, and there are highly rated apps and games from commercial providers. But streaming video like YouTube has flooded the market for kids’ media. It gives children instant access to millions of hours of content, a lot of which is probably ill-suited, and some of which doesn’t even seem to be made by human hands.

Which leads to the question: Could a show like Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood succeed today? Would 2018’s children sit still to watch a man take off his loafers and lace up his sneakers, and to watch a little trolley trundle off into the Neighborhood of Make-Believe?

There are some gently paced shows for preschoolers, although nothing quite as slow as the original Neighborhood. Very few are live-action, except for good old Sesame Street.

In content? “Fred Rogers pretty much invented [social and emotional learning] as a topic for a show,” says Linda Simensky, the vice president of children’s programming at PBS. In 2013, they debuted Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, an animated reboot of the Mister Rogers universe. The show is streamed millions of times a month, mostly on mobile devices.

Each episode uses a song to teach a strategy for dealing with an emotion, including fear, anger and frustration. “The whole curriculum is based on Fred’s research and teaching,” Simensky says.

Daniel Tiger tackles potty training, allergies, and Mom going to work. But, now in its fourth season, it hasn’t taken on politics or current events.

It’s hard to imagine any TV show for a broad audience of the youngest children responding to, say, Black Lives Matter the way Mr. Rogers took on racial segregation. (There are always more options in picture books.) In 1969, when swimming pools had become racial battlegrounds, Rogers filmed himself soaking his feet on a hot summer day with his friend Officer Clemmons.

The good news is that Mr. Rogers left us enough episodes that there is one to fit almost anything that might come up in the news today.

In one episode from the very first week of the show, the hand-puppet King Friday XIII opposes change. So he decides to build a wall around his kingdom. Some of the other puppets and people float balloons over the wall with messages like LOVE and PEACEFUL COEXISTENCE, warming the king’s heart. The wall comes down.

Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

How Learning Science Is Catching Up To Mr. Rogers published first on https://dlbusinessnow.tumblr.com/

[kinetic-elaboration]

November 13: 1x23 A Taste of Armageddon

Feeling pretty tired now, and it’s been a rough day, but I did rally to watch, and enjoy, an episode of Star Trek.

A diplomatic mission today. The Enterprise comes with friendly intentions!

I don’t entirely get this Ambassador or the back story here. They want to set up diplomatic relations with this solar system, because Federation members somehow get killed there a lot. But the Eminians don’t ever leave their solar system, so if the Federation is having problems with them it must be because the Federation is messing around in their space. So perhaps you could just no go there?

Mmm love Kirk being A Captain. “I’m thinking about this ship, my crew.” He’s not a fan of Ambassadors or people usurping his power.

And Spock seems very interested in all of this.

Aw yeah another cool 50s sci fi background! There are more of these than I remembered.

All of the interior hallways, as well as the exterior painting, are all nice and bright and multi-colored for those new color TVs.

It’s hard to pinpoint why, but I feel like this is an effectively Alien culture. Like maybe it’s the weird hats or the colorful hallways or the initial mysterious nature of them, but they just feel very not human, in a way ST alien guest stars don’t always manage imo.

Those annoying colonists lol. Sent them to a new planet and now they’re attacking us.

“If this is an attack... where’s the attack?”

Everyone in Star Trek does a lot of scanning and surveillance.

“Our civilization lives--the people die--but our culture goes on.” Literally America’s COG plans.

“I do not approve. I understand.” I love Spock so much.

The target has been “classified destroyed.” Kirk is confused and rightfully so.

Hmm, is Spock meditating?

Oh, there’s McCoy! Guess he didn’t get the memo yet that he and everyone else is dead.

Scotty know when Kirk’s voice isn’t Kirk’s voice. I love Scotty also and appreciate that he’s getting a bigger role at this point in the series.

I guess Spock is still a “Vulcanian.” Ngl... kind of wish they’d stuck with that. It has a certain ring. I feel like this is the first mention of their telepathic abilities--aside from the mind meld specifically. And they’re “limited” abilities. But not so limited that he can’t control that dude’s mind without touching him--and through a door. Mom suggested the ability is stronger with touch, which makes sense, especially as they do have psychic bonds with each other. But still. That looked pretty powerful to me.

Kirk is so apologetic about possibly being forced to kill.

“I’ll cover you.” It’s probably because of STXI that that affects me so much lol.

I can’t believe “there’s a multi-legged creature on your shoulder” worked! I remember seeing this ep for the first time and just completely losing it at that.

No one’s even gonna talk about the Prime Directive today, I guess.

So it’s already escalating as Anan said: real weapons used to destroy their weird suicide machines, now real weapons to attack the Enterprise.

Scotty’s not impressed by their fire power though.

If only Spock were here to be reminded of his father.

“The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank.” But they’re not military lmao.

Kirk is so turning up the charm again with Mea. But she’s not very susceptible to it and he’s getting kind of impatient, so it’s like Aggressive Charm.

I feel like this ambassador isn’t very smart. He’s too trusting, doesn’t seem to have great instincts. As opposed to Scotty, who is also Brave and Good, taking a stand.

“The haggis has hit the fan.” Please tell me that is not a real Scottish saying.

I know Kirk and Anan are supposed to be, like, tense and dangerous and threatening in this scene, but it’s reading almost flirty. “Would you...like a drink?” Kirk’s little finger crook thing.

You can tell he already has a plan at this point, which is kind of unusual in terms of Star Trek structure imo. Like usually you’re more with Kirk as he develops a plan, and here you’re watching him hint at the plan. “I don’t need my ship to destroy your whole planet” and so on.

“A man like that would have preferred to die fighting.”

How’d the diplomats get down to the planet? I thought the shields were still up.

They’re really giving Fox the Cliff’s Notes version of their society, huh? “Nice to meet you, you’re off to die now, sorry, really.”

Spock’s like “Oh, no, an Ambassador being killed?? How terrible...”

“Keep her from leaving. Sit on her if you have to.” Unexpectedly hilarious like wtf kind of order is that. And then the Yeoman like trying to look all fierce and Mea’s like “Yeah, okay,” eye roll.

“I’m practicing a peculiar variety of diplomacy.” Spock is such a bad ass. And he’s having a good time being action hero.This is why Vulcans think he’s weird.

Now he needs to find the Captain!

Kirk and Spock both using schoolyard tactics to win fights: tripping someone, the old spider trick. And they’re effective!

Quite possible even better than the spider scene is this ‘Spock comes to rescue his boyfriend and Kirk already has two guns trained on the room’ scene. “I thought you needed help.” / “Oh, I need the help.”

“We’re not going to kill today.” Honestly this one speech is deeper than all 7 seasons of the 100. Also more optimistic and nicer.

Kirk versus the computer again lol. This time, with firearms!

“A feeling is not much to go on.” IT IS IF IT’S A SIMPLE FEELING AMIRITE FELLAS?

“You almost make me believe in luck.” / “You almost make me believe in miracles.”

Honestly where the fuck is EITHER of those things coming from? Like no one was talking about luck and they definitely weren’t talking about miracles!! No one mentioned any miracles, Jim!!

He always gets so flirty after the danger is over, though. Every single time. “Ah, yes, all is well, now time to say something romantic or suggestive. As a treat.”

And then they play that weird comical music over Spock’s confused face as if that made it less queer.

So anyway this isn’t the official Vietnam War Episode but it’s kinda giving me Vietnam vibes. (According to the amazon trivia, I’m right: the computer tallies of the war dead was inspired by Vietnam causalities being shown on tv at night.) From an American perspective, it’s far away, it’s largely invisible, but it’s also long, it seems to exist for its own sake.

Also interesting that no one ever mentions why the two sides are fighting--probably because after 500 years, they don’t know. They just continue on in this mechanized, unceasing way.

That was a really good episode, and even though the actual danger of computer isn’t really what they predicted, I think it holds up regardless, in a different way.

I mean first of all technology has done a fair bit to sanitize war--the use of drones, for example, that allow the aggressors not to see their damage.

But also, and this is like only a half-thought really, but... One thing I think about a lot that the show didn't predict is that the internet allows us to see so much more than any other group of people in history. everything is very close, and there are pictures and videos and so on, from all over the world, available to you at any given time. I think this is very hard to deal with psychologically. So thinking about that in relation to this...it's a different balance but for the Eminians, war was both very real and close--it's constant, and people die all the time in huge numbers--but also very far away, because it's happening essentially hypothetically. So the dichotomy doesn’t line up in the same way but it still exists, imo.

And wow, that “we’re not going to kill today” speech. That was an interesting little wrinkle: that part of why the Eminians continued warring was because they felt like it was just inherently who they were. Their nature. Same philosophy espoused by all the grimdark showrunners of today. “I’m smart and brave and deep because I’m showing a mirror to humanity!! A MIRROR!”

And then here's Kirk, a Classic Hero, coming in and saying, "Yeah, wow, deep, you've determined that your species has a violent history. That's cool and all but have you considered that every single day you can consciously choose to make different, better choices?"

This was a good Kirk ep, a good Spock ep, and a good Scotty ep. It bums me out that he’s seen as comic relief now I guess... as my mom said, Scotty liked a joke but he was never comic relief.

I think it would be interesting to hear more of Spock’s thoughts in this ep, though. He’s the son of an ambassador and his people also had a warlike history that they dealt with in a way different to how humans do. But the method of problem solving of the Enterprise Captain and crew today was very martial, much more about brute force, and strategy as well, than peaceful talking--an overall plan I doubt many Vulcans would like. It would be interesting to hear how he thought of it all to himself.

Anyway, it’s getting late! Next up is a very decidedly good Spock ep, This Side of Paradise. Might be watching it on Wednesday so..not too long to wait!

[speedygal]

McCoy Prime ends up a Medium au

Inspired by Medium and its concept and a episode. This has a read more because of its length. A sort of Spones au. Meant to be a Spones au but then some events  happened and I enjoyed writing it. Enough said. Originally meant to be very Spones au. Decided to write the au post as it is Deforest Kelley’s birthday.

Post five year mission. Jim is driving a sleeping McCoy to Joanna’s house in a hovercar in Georgia.  It is night out. Spock is dealing with another issue regarding Christine Chapel and Nyota Uhura having a lovers quarrel and he somehow is in the dead center of it and his plan involves Vulcan and T’Pring while visiting his mother. Jim can feel Spock’s headache from the two women shouting at each other. He looks at the rearview mirror to see McCoy is in the backseat fast asleep not buckled. He considers how lucky he is to have just married the best man in the galaxy. He tells  Spock through bond that he loves him and Spock replies the same thing. They had been to a medical conference that McCoy was supposedly looking forward to. Suddenly there’s a hover car that comes out of no where and there’s a accident. It strikes the front end of the hover-car McCoy is stirred awake as he is flying. He has a very bad feeling about this in his gut. He feels that he is never going to see Jim again. The rest is a blur. Jim watches McCoy fly past him. And the last thought he sends to his husbands? I am so lucky I had you, with love struck eyes  and a smile. Jim dies without pain. The driver of the other hover car gets out, with a few bruises and scratches, to find the bloody scene. The driver runs away and goes to a local clinic. Spock experiences the sudden death of Jim right as he enters his fathers home. Amanda is taking care of their twin boys, Sterek, George, and  one month old  S’Tamuel with a Sehlat. Sarek calls her out through their bond. Spock is unresponsive once collapsing to the ground. They perform CPR on Spock and get him stable for the healers to attend to him. McCoy’s accident is called in thirteen minutes later by a passer by in the ditch.

When  McCoy awakens, he sees Vulcan who he recognizes from the medical conference. He screams. Because they have a phaser injury all over them. He doesn’t see Jim. He doesn’t feel Jim. The nurses sedate him and tell him that Spock is arriving soon. McCoy feels broken all over. two stinging pain in his mind as though the marriage bond between the three men has broken. The dead Vulcan has vanished. McCoy rests. When he awakens, Scotty, Nyota, Christine, Pavel, and Hikaru are around the bed. Spock isn’t there. They are relieved that he is alive. McCoy feels like he should be dead and Jim should be the one alive. He doesn’t feel lucky.  He feels miserable. He asks when Spock is coming. Nyota explains Spock admitted himself to a Vulcan Ward a few hours ago. McCoy gets pissed off and wants to get the next shuttle to Vulcan to drag is ass out. Scotty and Pavel stop McCoy and tell him when they saw Spock, he was in very rough shape. They reveal  McCoy has been in a coma for three months. McCoy feels his heart break. He inquires about his side of the bond. Why did no one approach him and try to bring him out of the coma via mind meld. They inform him that Spock had. Spock broke himself pulling this stunt to bring him back. McCoy goes silent, then asks, what else is broken? They inform him that Jim, is in fact, dead. The driver who killed him is not dead and the passengers in the drivers car were all ready dead before the accident. There’s a investigation going. McCoy is told a healer was sent to repair his bond and numb it. They talk about Jim, how they have been going, and the funeral that McCoy was not able to attend. How Spock handled it. How the children handled it. McCoy makes it his mission to go to the Kirk cemetery at the Kirk Family Lot.

After his friends leave, McCoy talks to the dead woman. They share condolences to each other. McCoy requests she leave because there is a waterfall that feels like is ready to come out any any minute. He requests that she come later. She introduces herself as T’Pro. She leaves. McCoy cries into his hands of his loss. He spends the next three hours weeping until he can’t cry anymore.  McCoy recomposes himself when a Vulcan healer comes in. He is prepared for the repairs. His personal life is ruined. And he doesn’t feel appropriate to return to being a doctor in space without Jim and Spock. His shields are risen up and the bond is repaired. McCoy gets a lawyer and has his will written. He gives the children to Amanda under guardian ship, his belongings donated to a historical museum regarding the five year mission  upon his passing, his likeness can be used but it must be correct (He got worried someone will make a holoprogram version of himself and be far off so he makes several holovids before leaving to the Enterprise. McCoy makes a lot more regarding situations. How he pronounces words or names. He gives his life into it for the possibility.) McCoy goes home to Georgia. He falls into Joanna’s arms and there’s relief. They talk about family and the children and Jim and about his future. McCoy admits that, “We were a tragedy from the getgo. Three perfect men. I should have known it would not last.” and Joanna tells him.  “You know and you took the risk, dad.” McCoy waits for the children to come running toward him from kindergarten. They tackle him down instead in glee. He hugs them tightly. McCoy encounters T’Pro, again. This time about her murder. McCoy has to go somewhere. He is not sure but T’Pro is sure.

McCoy meets Carol Marcus and her son  David Marcus

McCoy, understandably, is furious that she has come RIGHT NOW AND TELLING HIM THAT HIS HUSBAND HAD A SON AND MADE IT SEEM TO THE BOY THAT JIM LEFT HER WHEN SHE LEFT HIM AND---He can’t take the painful reminder and the painful sting he has. Jim should have known about David Marcus after surviving the incident. McCoy is wishfully thinking by this stage that he had buckled himself in and died in the wreckage. His heart aches too much. McCoy is drawn to the  Reliant where he discovers this is the ship where T’Pro met her maker. He spends twenty-four hours on it. And with some persuasive help from Pavel, gets the one who killed her and put into the brig until their return to Earth. McCoy is pleased to have been useful  (But not as much as having a shrapnel against his neck while Pavel’s commanding officer negotiated). McCoy visits Vulcan to see Spock. He sees the shell of what had been Spock. Shattered, ruined, and utterly destroyed. He sees a sehlat by the man’s side. Which isn’t odd because there are SEHLATS EVERYWHERE HE LOOKS . McCoy keeps his distance from the animal while trying to get across to Spock and telling him what he found himself doing. McCoy feels he lost everything when Spock doesn’t act like there’s a reasonable rational conversation. The sehlat sniffs McCoy and McCoy recoils. McCoy asks a nurse why Spock has a sehlat and they tell him that he doesn’t. McCoy asks about the other sehlats. McCoy learns pets are not allowed. He is seeing dead pets. McCoy looks over to see the sehlat is gone. McCoy tells Spock goodbye. And that he hopes to see him again.  Spock remarks, “You are an odd man, Mr Blue.” McCoy asks, “Why?” “I can see things that are there and you don’t. You sure you don’t have problems up there?” McCoy pauses, carefully thinking how to word that next reply. McCoy finally says, “I see dead people.” Spock takes it without question.  McCoy pats the man’s shoulder,  “There’s hope in you, yet. Mr Spock.” As painful as it is for McCoy.

McCoy goes home, for the last time, as he has decided what to do. McCoy spends the last few months of the year with his family and working at the hospital. McCoy gets administrative leave in 2371. McCoy has been privately going through the grief and has come to accept Jim’s passing but not without seeing ghosts. He has a double life helping the deceased. Joanna has been assigned to a medical colony. McCoy leaves the children with Eleanor. Who adores the children and loves the boys. He hugs and kisses the children. McCoy leaves town.  S’Tamuel and Sterek have known all along what their father is up to. Eleanor takes a nap. Sterek has left a holovid behind. They take their little brother with them after their daddy. The take short cuts, lie, cheat, backstab, trick,and the whole nine yards by acting adorable. Sterek is the stubborn one whose determined on going where daddy goes. They take a mobile transporter that a cadet was in the process of making and has some problems. And chances of death. And they stole it despite being warned. McCoy has taken the necessary steps to make a new life where he is going. It takes a few days to get there but he makes it. And the ship leaves but right behind him is the THREE KIDS GENETICALLY MADE TO BE SPOCK AND JIM’S CHILDREN. The children catch their father’s attention and repeat a phrase Spock said to him years ago, “Together or not at all.” McCoy decides to take the children with him but decides that they must be returned when they  are one week from Pon Farr exactly the time span that they had been gone. The Guardian of  Forever takes them to a different time.

McCoy gets a house in San Francisco and becomes a trial consultant to district attorney who looks like Jim but really isn’t and calls himself  Denny Crane. He used to be  a big time lawyer who won every case for a law firm called Denny, Poole, and Schmit. He has a loving husband named Alan Shore and he is treating for his Alzheimer which no one knows about. McCoy goes up his radar by solving a case in  Tennessee and having someone babysit the kids. In Tennessee McCoy meets a man who look+s a lot like Spock but is not a Vulcan. The man likes McCoy and introduces himself as Harold Grayson. The man follows McCoy, quits his high paying well job as a engineering scientist for Airtech and goes after McCoy once learning where he lives. But he doesn’t have the address. Harold accepts his job at air tech but in SAN FRANCISCO. McCoy is helping Crane with getting the right jury. He has visions of people. There is one prominent vision bothering him throughout the day. The day Jim died. He sees the perpetrators face. He sees the man get fixed and sent on his way. He recognizes the man from his time in the hospital in Georgia. McCoy snaps out of the vision. McCoy has set up his new life, social security, fake background,and birth certificate. McCoy has a system ready for little S’Tamuel. McCoy’s little boys have their ears covered by a beanie in kindergarten. McCoy befriends a group of psychics  and non-psychics who are huge skeptics. He befriends a detective named Hank Son and his husband Peter Connor.  McCoy has a vision of Eleanor waking up to find the children gone. And searching through the house for them. Nikki Understone works as a translator for the medical hospital. Catherine Cine is a nurse at this same hospital. They are both parents for a adoptive little boy from Pakistan who is ten years old.

McCoy’s visions increase in volumes throughout the day. The search for the perpetrator becomes very important and he is apprehended by Pavel Chekov, personally, on his way to Romulus and sent to a prison ship. Pavel visits Spock and tells him that the strange man from earlier has vanished. And so has his three children. Spock has no idea who Pavel is and thinks he is someone else entirely. Pavel goes somewhere private and weeps for his role model’s breakdown. McCoy is shown a flashback where Spock had met the one who caused him pain and misery and forces a mind meld that in part is part of why Spock ended out the way he did. The visions end from his regular universe. McCoy comes across Harold sometime in his new life, again, this time at a crime scene. Hank Son is understandably concerned. Harold  is surprised to hear McCoy's job title and frankly thought he was a relative of the doctor who died last year in a car accident. Doctor Lenny Thomas McCord. McCoy goes throughout the next few days dealing with these visions from the victim that are vague, cryptic, and mostly appear as nightmares about what happened before or after the crime. He feels threatened when a bloody box appears on his doorstep.  Crane tells him it is going to be all right and they have the house guarded. He nearly gets killed by the killer who somehow got onto him when the doctor had gone to where he was at during the time and asked around specific questions with Hank Son by his side. The children are terrified. George,Sterek, and S'Tamuel sleep that night around McCoy on the first night. McCoy dreams of that killer who informs him that he knows what he has and he will stop at nothing to ruin his growing credibility to the detective. McCoy painfully makes the decision not to continue helping Denny on his cases.

McCoy is regretting coming here. He misses Joanna. There is a knock on the door the next morning and it's Harold, soaking wet, asking why he didn't get his damn phone number and let him find out through the local news where he lived and mentions, "That's a terrible way of making a first impression on your domestic life so I brought this." And it's full of  chocolate related items and a card that reads "Do you want to go stare at a aquarium with me?" And he apologizes for appearing this way. And he notices the doctor has been crying.  McCoy smiles back, wary, saying, "If you can accept the kids." And Harold  LOVES children. Loves. loves. Loves to bits. And McCoy mentions it will be chaotic going to the aquarium. They make a date. Harold ends up showing he had something behind his back and it's----McCoy's skin runs cold seeing a doll looking like Spock  in a container along with two other men. McCoy learns that he is fictional. Everything he has done in his past was fictional. McCoy is unable to speak at first but he takes the gifts and the wheelie for George to play with.  He doesn't reply. He is just in a state of shock. Harold is smiling and he gives his phone number, stuttering, and writes it down. He mentions living in a flat and that they can start out as friends if he would like. He wants to take it as slow as McCoy wants. And that he looks forward to meeting him again in the future. McCoy closes the door then slides his back against it hearing his heart beat against his chest. He is not even real and there's a real, living person interested in him who is not fictional.  He goes through his hair. He knows two Spock's. One is real and the other is not. He doesn't know if he can continue this charade. Because how can a fictional person live in real life that he isn't supposed to be? He places the packages on the couch and curls up to bed wishing he never had the accident to begin with. He dreams of Spock curled up on the couch in a meditative position and then the killer comes up and taunts him and antagonizes McCoy in a very degrading way. McCoy wakes up  in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. That morning he goes to Denny Crane and tells him he can't do it anymore. He tells  Denny that he can't foresee the future. All he sees is that stupid killer who terrorized his family. And he can't work for him. Denny gives McCoy a leave of absence and is unwilling to let him give up like that. He contacts a psychic friend of McCoy's , who the man had mentioned after their first case together, and asks if she is dealing with a slight problem. Denny is horrified. He knows he is going to lose this case without McCoy's help. Denny goes home that night and gets comforted by his husband--after Alan's hectic day of funding poor people's case and trying them and listening to the amusing stories--regarding it.

McCoy has a dream of a thirteen year old boy getting abducted near the kindergarten school his boys go to. He doesn't know when or where this is going to occur. He thinks he has a edge over the man but in reality he was showing him of what lead him to this. McCoy is not happy after he discovers this. George has a accident at Kindergarten and McCoy picks him up with his twin then takes them home. McCoy finds the psychics at his house, in the living room, knitting being happy as they cam be. McCoy has to make sure they are still alive to believe it. They tell him to ignore the visions from now on and readapt his life style. They make one major suggestion: be a doctor. He can't destroy a human life with being a doctor. He can't go back to a profession that he could not save his husband in. McCoy opts for finding a different job. Dog sitter. The boys are playing with their toys. S'Tamuel cries so McCoy gets the boy out of his room with his beanie on and has the other psychics, a mix of men and women, calm him down. They arrange for a road trip after the aquarium. Just him and his new found friends. Hank Son calls McCoy asking for his help on a difficult case. McCoy can see the vision of the killer with the new victim taunting him. And McCoy hates it but he has to say no. McCoy begins drinking to prevent himself from seeing the dead people BECAUSE HE CAN'T HELP THEM. HE JUST CAN'T. NOT ANYMORE. Somedays McCoy wishes that he can see his husband again but he knows that is never going to happen. McCoy and his three boys go to the aquarium with S'Tamuel in tow. McCoy has to gently tell Harold that they won't work out. Harold refuses to believe that because they can work things out. McCoy goes to the point of telling him that one of them isn't really born in this continent. Harold grows concerned asking him if he is okay and if he is a immigrant. McCoy nods, because that is the easiest way he can explain. He has a green card. He explains about the lengths his immigrant went to nest him here. McCoy admits that he was born in a Toccoa, Georgia but now this Georgia. He spills out the truth in a way that he could understand.  The man uses logic to explain away what he is saying. McCoy tells him that they have to be friends. Harold grows concerned for the doctor.

McCoy steps aside from Harold. Harold only grows determined to win the man over. The boys leave. Harold follows McCoy across the country showing up at random places. HE'S THERE. ALL RIGHT? He  finds the boys within a heavy crowd while the psychics are treating McCoy to his own vacation. One of the psychics is totally okay with one year old S'Tamuel. Harold treats the kids and they get drunk. Very drunk. Harold learns quickly not to feed the children chocolate. Harold finds their slurring very odd and how drunk like they act. He looks up for reasons why children get drunk. And of course, he comes across Vulcans. The children protest against taking the beanie off because  "daddy will be very angry" and he asks, "why?"  they plainly said that they don't exist. Harold takes the beanie off to reveal their eyebrows and their pointed ears. He deduces that logically, they are Vulcans. And Vulcans are real. They are here so therefore they are real. When the group drops McCoy off to the designated hotel room, Harold is waiting alongside it with the children tucked into bed. Harold tells him that he understands where McCoy is coming from and that he is quite honored to have met the famed man. He also says he will wait for as long as McCoy wants. McCoy feels a sense of loss at what just happened. He doesn't understand what just happened.  Harold also admits that he got himself flat broke and he just ran out of his vacation money to get himself a room. McCoy is still floored. McCoy apparently has plenty of money. Thousands, upon thousands, thousands of dollars from leaving his reality prepared. McCoy questions Harold to know if he moves around the bed. Oh, and if he snores. Harold doesn't know if he snores but he doesn't move in bed. McCoy shares his bed with Harold but the man must sleep under the blankets. Harold agrees to the terms. McCoy falls asleep and Harold wonders what happened to  Spock. S'Tamuel is snoring lightly. All three of the Vulcans are not wearing their beanies and at least all three of them have black hair. McCoy has the nightmare featuring the killer again so Harold strokes the man's shoulder and sings to him lightly changing the direction of the nightmare. McCoy's face relaxes. Harold stays up all night admiring McCoy's face and the children and watches them breath and live and sleep. He watches the twins sleep walk around the room, so he has to tell them go to bed. They respond to him and go to bed. On his feet. Harold is trapped by the boys. They don't want him to leave the following morning. So the bunch of psychics, sleep deprived, take the group to a remote location for camping. And then for karaoke. McCoy finds himself feeling glorified while Harold is making sure the little ones are okay and having fun. Harold has four hours of sleep. The children really like Harold and call him father. That night, the boys sleep in the same tent as the men with S'Tameul. Harold holds McCoy that night. He pulls McCoy close to him as he struggles. When McCoy awakens with a pant. Harold wakes up, and asks him what's wrong. McCoy lets it out. He tells him everything. And then it fits together why he is in a sleep deprived group. He then tells McCoy that it has to end. It can't continue forever.

McCoy falls asleep once more. A sixteen year old girl corners the killer in the very same room the family are in. And the killer realizes she is not supposed to be there. The sixteen year old informs McCoy of a family member around where he and his family are is about to be threatened in an hour and lists an exact illegal thing her killer is doing. The killer is outraged that she is here. Two ghosts can't be in here! The girl says,  "Who says we are asking for help?" The killer is then suddenly aware of other people in the room. Thirteen. All the people that people like McCoy could have helped. They all reflect the manner of their death. The killer screams running out then down the hallway and down the staircase followed by a mass of ghosts. The killer goes outside to the parking lot where the other ghosts say they are going to take him to hell whether he likes it or not.  And that this will end no matter how he kicks and screams. The man  is taken. McCoy awakens and calls the number that the sixteen year old told him to call. McCoy falls asleep shortly afterwards. In the morning there is breaking news of a serial killer having been caught due to a anonymous tip. McCoy feels a lot better. Harold notices the change in McCoy and asks if he had a good night rest. McCoy smiles back at Harold while taking a shower and the curtain is pulled back and informs him that he is better than okay, he is excellent. He can go back to his old job. That is if Denny Crane is still there and hasn't been forced to resign. Harold has a feeling he is still there.

One year later, Harold and McCoy have gotten married. Thanks in part to Harold's sheer determination of reassuring that "Even if you are fictional, you will live as a human and die as a human. You will have mattered in this life. You will always matter to me." Now share the house that McCoy bought as a family.  Harold adores the children to bits and McCoy usually does the cooking in the morning but Harold cooks dinner. Harold has been informed regarding that the children will leave one day and never come back. Ever.  Somewhere in their late thirties. Harold doesn't mind that part. But McCoy worries that the boys will have families by then and vanished without a trace. McCoy makes a contingency plan for that. He plans to inform the three children on a specific date on their eighteenth birthday. They both share the same last name, now, Harold Grayson McCoy and Leonard Horatio McCoy. McCoy wakes up once per night with nightmares and Harold is quite used to it and anticipates it when he can't sleep because the looks on McCoy face are so adorable, priceless, and breath taking. Worth it. McCoy uses his friendship with Catherine to get around the medical loop holes and the whole species ordeal about is children. Sometimes McCoy steals Nikki to translate for him during cases. Hank Son is happy to be working with someone he trusts over some hacks who tried to fill in his shoes. Harold Grayson McCoy snores.

We have a montage of McCoy waking up. There is this one part of the montage where the music fades into the background. He wakes up flailing, landing on the floor with a thump followed by, "Honey, is your victim drowning or were you drowning in your fear of being in something entirely new?" Because sometimes the dreams McCoy has are illogical, supernatural, and don't make sense. They rarely take an airplane to anywhere as a family because of some of his visions. Harold looks for the logic in every dream. McCoy does not plan to tell Harold about Spock and Jim. But you know what? McCoy is lucky that he has Harold and his best friend Denny Crane being a major flirt to anyone not relating to a case. He actually reminds him a lot of a aged James T. Kirk now that he thought of it. McCoy dreams of a old Spock visited by a man strikingly looking like him with a device on his shoulder and holding his hand out, "Doctor McCoy, EMH Mark VII. And I am goin' to get your ass out of your head. Fixin' minds has improved recently in medicine for Vulcans." The old Spock just simply doesn't understand. "That's okay, because I am goin' to do somethin' that the original McCoy will be proud of." The  Vulcan finally takes the man's hand and shakes it as it transitions to Harold taking McCoy by the hand down a unusual zoo without cages and has plastic walls and is large and comfy to the animals followed by the children in beanies and short sleeves. The montage continues showing the happy family growing older, in the kitchen, walking in and out, then of a really aged up Harold and McCoy being part of a shuttle craft visit to Mars. And Harold kissing McCoy's cheek. McCoy talking to thin air, agreeing, "Yes, it's a wonderful view. How lon' you been dead?" He apparently enjoys what he does now that he is retired. McCoy is happy and so is Harold. The final part of the montage ends with young bright eyed McCoy waking up from a dream then going over to jot down onto a padd and taking a phone out, "Did you just dream a murder on our honeymoon?" From the side of the bed. McCoy shakes his head, "You signed up for this marryin' me." Harold tosses a pillow over toward him. And so McCoy tosses it back only to end up falling out of bed right as he dialed the number. And then the scene fades to black.

The End.

Dedicated in honor of Deforest Kelley.

[kublog83]

Recording The Beatles Book

The sound of the Beatles’ records is a combination of the brilliant songwriting of John Lennon and Paul McCartney (and increasingly, as the 1960s went on, of George Harrison), but also the sound of the technology available to producer George Martin and his recording engineers at EMI Recording Studios in London. But in a way, those elements are true of every piece of recorded music: when an artist gets it right, it’s a magic combination of the song, the performance, and how it was recorded. Or as George Harrison said in an early 1990s interview that was quoted in the introduction to the brilliant 2006 book, Recording The Beatles:

Recording The Beatles Book Pdf

The Beatles Recording Sessions Book Pdf

Recording The Beatles Book For Sale

Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for Recording the Beatles: The Studio Equipment and Techniques Used to Create Their Classic Albums by Brian Kehew and Kevin Ryan (2006, Book, Other) at the best online prices at eBay! Free shipping for many products!

The Beatles Recording Reference Manuals (1961-1970) are a five book series that tell the step-by-step process in which each of the band's recordings were created. The books reconstruct each song's creation as well as detail the technical profile of each and every classic Beatles recording.

Recording The Beatles is a huge book, and there's a simply awesome amount of information collected within its 500+ pages. Section four is about the actual production of the Beatles' records. There is a chapter for each year from 1962 to 1968, and a joint chapter for 1969 and 1970.

If you listen to the music of the Twenties and Thirties, it has a certain sound to it; it’s partly the song that you like, and it’s partly the way it was recorded, the tube amplifiers in the boards, how the microphone sounded in those days, all the kind of atmosphere. It becomes like a little period piece, just like a piece of furniture of a given period, it has its own charm. You wouldn’t want to hear The Beatles doing ‘Mr. Kite’ on a 48-track machine. It wouldn’t have the same charm.

Recording The Beatles is a huge book, and there's a simply awesome amount of information collected within its 500+ pages. It is the result of over a decade of research, in which Kehew and Ryan tracked down and interviewed as many ex-EMI staff as they could find, located and photographed examples of nearly every piece of studio equipment in use.

Most coffee table books are full of pretty full-color photos on glossy paper, and the text is of secondary value. However, while 2006’s Recording The Beatles is heavily illustrated with the requisite new and vintage photos of Abbey Road Studios and its myriad of surviving ‘60s-era gear, for recording enthusiasts, there is a treasure-trove of information to be learned here.

Diving into the Magical History Tour

The book is laid out in quite a logical fashion. First, there’s a history of EMI Recording Studios in London (which were rebranded in 1970 as “Abbey Road Studios” to take full marketing advantage of the Beatles’ best-selling epic swan song). Then there are profiles of the people who worked there during the Beatles’ run from 1963-1970. Producer George Martin, his best-known engineers, including Norman Smith, who crafted the sound of the Beatlemania-era records before going off to produce the first two albums by Pink Floyd.

Then Geoff Emerick, who helped crafted the combination of psychedelia and in-your-face drums on Revolver,Sgt. Pepper and the Magical Mystery Tour era, before returning for Abbey Road. And the other engineers who worked the Beatles’ sessions, including another future Pink Floyd ally, Alan Parsons. Plus a look at how they were all trained by EMI, and their apprenticeships before being allowed into the recording studio.

Next, there’s a look at the equipment that graced EMI London during the Beatles’ career, and a look at how that technology evolved from 1963 to 1970, including extremely technical details of the mixing desks that were used to record the Beatles. Regarding the latter, the authors note:

This portion of the book involves much greater technical detail than the other chapters. It is intended to satisfy those “studio-types” who understand and seek accurate detailed information on the desks used to record the Beatles. As such, it may be too deep for the novice at times, although several significant concepts here do affect the Beatles records. If this section seems too difficult feel free to skim it over for just the interesting points and move forward through the book.

Recording The Beatles Book Pdf

In addition to the granular-level study of EMI’s 1960s-era recording desks, “studio-types” will also marvel at the attention to detail given to such key elements of the Beatles’ sound as the Fairchild compressor, so beloved by Geoff Emerick for Ringo’s drum sound, down to how the controls are set. Even those who have software emulations of the Fairchild will benefit from this information.

Along the way, detailed explorations at how that equipment was customized — and in some cases invented — by EMI’s back-room boffins, and how the engineers who recorded the Beatles used it as well. Finally, with all of that background firmly established, there’s an exploration of each Beatles album, and how it was recorded.

Beatling About in the 21st Century

There’s much to be learned here, and much that can be applied to today’s world of digital audio workstations (DAWs) and plugins. Particularly since quite a bit of the equipment that was used to record the Beatles is now available in either plugin or hardware form. Waves Audio and Softube have replicated (with varying degrees of accuracy) licensed plugin versions of Abbey Road’s studio console features and equipment that was custom-built by the studio’s backroom boffins, and Iowa’s Chandler Limited sells licensed hardware versions of much of that vintage gear as well.

Arguably, only the Fairchild Compressor is in the purely “unobtanium” level pricing and serviceability levels, with modern hardware clones starting at over $10,000.00. But numerous plugin versions are available at much more reasonable prices, such as Waves’ “Puigchild,” (named after producer Jack Joseph Puig) and Overloud’s excellent Comp670. The book is also a reminder that in today’s world of DAWs, there are plugins that can create virtually any effect, and programs for the computer such as Izotope’s RX8 can cleanup and enhance recordings, in the 1960s, the engineers who recorded the Beatles had to do all of this with vacuum tube-driven analog equipment, what Star Trek’s Mr. Spock would describe as “stone knives and bearskins”-era technology

Recording The Beatles goes into great depth into the control panel settings of the hardware used to record the Fab Four, and microphone placement. It’s also a reminder that recording rock and roll bands has drastically changed, post-Napster. Because the Beatles were signed to EMI, and the giant recording label knew what a cash-cow they had on their hands, the group was not charged for studio time. As a result, Alan Parsons, who began his career as an engineer on Let It Be and Abbey Road, wrote in his how-to guide, The Art and Science of Recording, “The Beatles had a recording budget from heaven. No one would ever say they’d have to cut down on their studio time.”

There was also a definite division of labor. The Beatles played, the engineers placed (and for the most part chose) the microphones, George Martin supervised the sessions as producer, and wrote the arrangements. Martin and his main engineers, Norman Smith, and then Geoff Emerick, each had definite ideas for how “the boys” should sound. Each engineer was an expert in choosing microphones, but Smith went for a live “in the room” sound, whereas Emerick wanted a more detailed sound, with the drums mic’ed much more up front, and the bass guitar more clearly defined, which is why the Beatles sound began to change so radically with Revolver. And while the Beatles might discuss these sonic choices with Martin and his engineers, they largely let the engineers get on with getting their sounds.

In contrast, 99.9 percent of today’s bands don’t have “a recording budget from heaven.” Far from it — a band newly signed to a record label might be lucky enough to be able to afford to rent a studio for a day or two to record the initial drum tracks, and then all of the parts would then be recorded later in their home studios in front of a computer and audio interface, with band members acting as both musician and engineer, before the producer mixes everything down to (hopefully) something cohesive.

And course, there’s the sheer talent of the Beatles’ songwriting and their playing. While, as Harrison alluded to above, the recording process was directly tied into the sound of the Beatles’ psychedelic mid-‘60s songs, the Beatles’ best songs would still sound like great songs recorded with today’s equipment. The reverse isn’t true of many of today’s stars, who would sound even more threadbare if they had to do without 21st century technology like auto-tuning, comping, plugins, non-destructive digital editing, and endless amounts of digital tracks.

Fortunately, the two worlds now exist quite nicely. Capturing sounds using Beatles-era microphones and pre-amps, and then editing them in a modern DAW is the best of both worlds, with great tones upfront, and endless flexibility afterwards. You probably won’t channel the zeitgeist the way the Beatles could, but it’s definitely possible to learn from them — and the technical team who recorded them — to enhance your own efforts. And in that regard, Recording The Beatles succeeds brilliantly.

The Beatles Recording Sessions Book Pdf

While it’s not — yet — in Fairchild Compressor level pricing, it’s getting into unobtanium-level pricing on its own terms, but well worth it for those both obsessed with the Beatles, and with the recording process. Highly recommended for those who fit both criteria. (One suggestion: see if your local library can get a copy on inter-library loan.) In 2019, the authors promised an updated version which will likely be at much more affordable prices; while our current unpleasantness has no doubt slowed their efforts, I hope it hasn’t stopped them.

Recording The Beatles Book For Sale

‘Recording in Progress:’ Newly Arrived Documentary Explores the Changing World of the Recording Studio

[douxreviews]

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) Review

[This review includes big honking spoilers.]

Spock: "I never took the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?"

The Wrath of Khan is a favorite of many fans, and it deserves to be. It is exactly what a big Star Trek movie should have been, and finally was.

Why is this movie so good? Bunches of reasons. Like an exciting story that had personal significance to the main characters, terrific writing, an outstanding villain, and the intensely moving death of the most beloved character in the series. I can't get through this movie without crying, and I've seen it a dozen times.

Birthdays, old age, death and loss, passing the torch to the next generation, it was courageous of the franchise to make these things the center of the movie, instead of ignoring the fact that it was fifteen years after the series and the cast was getting older. The Wrath of Khan is beautifully bookended by the Kobayashi Maru no-win scenario at the beginning, basically the arrogance of youth believing that they will never die, and a no-win real life situation at the end for Kirk when he loses Spock, his closest friend, the other half of himself.

When you watch the movie knowing the ending, you can see Spock's death coming. There are so many references to dying. The first thing Kirk says to Spock is, "Aren't you dead?" And we can see on Spock's face the moment he realizes what must happen in order to save the ship. He just gets up and goes to his death without a word to anyone, a very Spock-like thing to do. He even has to trick McCoy in order to carry out his plan, which for me, makes it even harder to take. The way he stands and straightens his uniform, those final moments where he and Kirk are separated by glass, it always gets to me. It was an exceptional death for an exceptional character. I can remember when I first saw it, I was absolutely devastated. William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy were at their best in that scene.

And yet, there is the obvious hint that it's not over for Spock. There was the way he touched the unconscious McCoy's face and said, "Remember," a deliberate call-back to "Requiem for Methuselah." The pod containing his body was lying on the grass of a vibrant new world that hadn't existed an hour before. They just couldn't bear to write Spock out completely, could they? (Not that I'm criticizing. I couldn't, either.)

As Kirk faced aging and death, pretty much for the first time, there was the complementary plot of passing the torch to the next generation. It was believable that Kirk would have had a child somewhere along the line, and it delighted me that his ex-amour was the most brilliant scientist in the Federation. David Marcus felt like he could have been Kirk's son, and I liked that Kirk did exactly as Carol had requested -- he stayed out of David's life and let Carol raise him alone. In an obvious parallel, Spock was mentoring his young protege, the competent, professional and often amusing regulation-quoting Lieutenant Saavik. The feminist in me can't help pointing out, with the exception of the comments about her hairstyle in the turbolift, Saavik could have easily been played by a man without changing a single other detail.

All this, and I haven't even gotten to one of the best things about this movie – and that's Ricardo Montalban reprising his character Khan from the original series episode "Space Seed."  His performance was so strong and so intense (and his chest so amazing) that there has yet to be a Star Trek villain that can top him.

And the supporting cast was terrific: DeForest Kelley was a delight as McCoy. James Doohan did a fine job with a wonderful dramatic scene when he lost his nephew. Bibi Besch did well in the key role of Carol Marcus, Merritt Butrick as David Marcus was pretty much perfect, and we also got Paul Winfield as the unfortunate Captain Terrell and future television star Kirstie Alley in her acting debut as Saavik. And yes, Chekov recognized Khan but Chekov wasn't in "Space Seed." I honestly don't care, since it wasn't important to the plot, and Walter Koenig's performance as Chekov in this movie is probably his best. (I only started liking Walter Koenig after his villainously wonderful continuing role in Babylon 5.)

Unlike Star Trek: The Motion Picture, The Wrath of Khan never stops moving. The space battles are terrific, the gimmick with the prefix code and the scenes in the Mutara Nebula all work, the musical score is outstanding, and best of all, the effects still hold up. (Although the close-ups of the ears during the Botany Bay scenes don't. Ah, well.)

I love this movie. The Wrath of Khan and the two movies that completed the trilogy are the pinnacle of original Star Trek, incorporating the best aspects of the original series. They're wonderful. In my not so humble opinion.

Bits and pieces:

— Stardate 8130.3 to 8141.6. The Reliant, space station Regula 1, Ceti Alpha 5 (not 6), and the Mutara nebula.

— Star Trek: The Motion Picture was set two and a half years after the end of the series, but here it was established that it had been 15 years since "Space Seed". Khan mentioned his "beloved wife," which would have been Lt. Marla McGivers.

— The Genesis presentation was exceptional. Best commercial ever. I'd buy it.

— I loved the way they used the rare book and the antique glasses as a reminder of the fact that Kirk was getting older. I also loved the level of detail in the furnishings in Kirk's apartment, as well as the huge mosaic IDIC in Spock's quarters.

— The ear thingies were the Alien chestburster of their time. Ick.

— Khan's use of the lines from Moby Dick were set up by the mini-library aboard the Botany Bay: Moby Dick, Paradise Lost, Dante's Inferno. And all books relevant to what happened to the Botany Bay.

— Kyle from the original series was a crew member on Reliant.

— Although the theatrical version is fine, I prefer the director's cut. It includes just a few little extra scenes, but one in particular – the introduction of Midshipman Preston as Scotty's nephew – makes a difference.

— Even the costumes were great. I particularly liked the white flap on Kirk's uniform stained with Peter Preston's blood; it was a striking visual.

— The Genesis cave scene is wonderful. But I've always wondered: where did the light come from?

Quotes:

Kirk: "A no-win situation is a possibility every commander may face. Has that never occurred to you?" Saavik: "No, sir. It has not." Kirk: "And how we deal with death is at least as important as how we deal with life, wouldn't you say?" Saavik: "As I indicated, Admiral, that thought had not occurred to me." Kirk: "Well, now you have something new to think about. Carry on."

Dr. McCoy: "Admiral, wouldn't it be easier to just put an experienced crew back on the ship?" Kirk: "Galloping around the cosmos is a game for the young, Doctor." Uhura: "Now what is that supposed to mean?"

David: "Remember that overgrown boy scout you used to hang around with? That's exactly the kind of guy..." Carol: "Listen, kiddo. Jim Kirk was many things, but he was never a boy scout."

Kirk: "Mr. Scott, you old space dog. You're well?" Scotty: "Oh, I had a wee bout, sir, but, Doctor McCoy pulled me through." Kirk: "Wee bout of what?" McCoy: "Shore leave, Admiral."

(Kirk tensely watches as Saavik takes Enterprise out of space dock.) McCoy: "Would you like a tranquilizer?"

Kirk: "I would not presume to debate you." Spock: "That is wise. Were I to invoke logic, however, logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." Kirk: "Or the one." Spock: "You are my superior officer. You are also my friend. I have been and always shall be yours."

Khan: "I'll chase him around the Antares maelstrom and round Nibia and round Perdition's Flame before I give him up!"

Spock: "As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than to create." McCoy: "Not anymore. Now we can do both at the same time. According to myth, the Earth was created in six days. Now watch out, here comes Genesis! We'll do it for you in six minutes!" Spock: "Really, Dr. McCoy. You must learn to govern your passions. They will be your undoing."

Khan: "Let them eat static."

Khan: "Ah, Kirk, my old friend. Do you know the Klingon proverb that tells us revenge is a dish that is best served cold? It is very cold in space."

Spock: "Jim, be careful." McCoy: "We will!"

Kirk: "KKKHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!" :)

Carol: "Can I cook, or can't I?"

Saavik: "On the test, sir... will you tell me what you did? I would really like to know." McCoy: "Lieutenant, you are looking at the only Starfleet cadet who ever beat the no-win scenario." (gestures at Kirk) Saavik: "How?" Kirk: "I reprogrammed the simulation so it was possible to rescue the ship." Saavik: "What?" David: "He cheated." Kirk: "I changed the conditions of the test. Got a commendation for original thinking. I don't like to lose." Saavik: "Then you never faced that situation... faced death." Kirk: "I don't believe in the no-win scenario."

Khan: "To the last, I will grapple with thee. From Hell's heart, I stab at thee! For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee!" Montalban makes these lines from Moby Dick work. How many actors could pull off lines like this?

McCoy: "He's not really dead as long as we remember him." Kirk: "It's a far, far better thing I do than I have ever done before. A far better resting place that I go to than I have ever known." Carol: "Is that a poem?" Kirk: "No. Something Spock was trying to tell me, on my birthday." McCoy: "You okay, Jim? How do you feel?" Kirk: "Young. I feel young."

It isn't necessary to have seen "Space Seed" or Star Trek: The Motion Picture to follow this movie. In fact, it isn't really necessary to have seen the original series to follow this movie. And you don't even need to watch Star Trek III and IV. Although I assume every Star Trek fan pretty much has.

Four out of four no-win scenarios.

Billie Doux loves good television and spends way too much time writing about it.

[daily-apocalypse]

Excuse me, I’ve been drinking.

Personal growth-wise, this week kind of sucked.  I was weak.  I was distracted.  I let things come between me and my learnin’ stuffs, like socialization and shopping for necessities.  I’m losing sight of the end game, and I know it.  I need that, though, the idea of being something greater than I am now, if I’m going to get through this.

I did finally get a hair cut and no one noticed, so that’s upsetting in its own right, but I also got different colored pens and post its and notebooks and, despite no sleep going from Wednesday into Thursday, leaving me, at 9am, telling my dependents to do what they like in regard to working out so I could sleep since someone decided ‘sweltering’ was a good temperature for the thermostat, I ended this week on a strong note.

Come Friday afternoon, after diligently working out and dedicating more time than usual to understanding wtf code was being thrown at me, I wasn’t a floppy Spock come 4pm.

Due to this, I’ve come to learn that exhaustion isn’t the sole reason I don’t log into game anymore.  Perfectly energized, there’s this restlessness inside of me once I stop working out or coding that just can’t be filled by throwing myself at useless pixel challenges.

In matters of my heart, however, I was settled.  That may not seem like a big thing to some people, but it’s a pretty big thing, I promise.  I don’t tend to have heart issues, so when they happen, it may as well be declared some kind of miracle.  The TLDR is that I’m better off and happier without them.

In fact, the moment my life faced upheaval and my bestie suggested alternatives to despair, he also sent me pics of this guy... this guy I was pleasantly surprised I remembered from 2 halloweens ago.

And I panicked at the prospect of being set up on a date with a stranger.

I’m in no state to devote myself to a relationship where heartbits are involved.  Not that I ever am, but most especially right now.  I lack funds, I lack energy (for the most part), I lack courage, and relationships take time and attention and courage and energy, above all else.

I’d be a wreck.  I’d barely have those qualities, at the best of times, but now...?

And I’m obviously saving myself for Antoni from Queer Eye, so I’m clearly not into relationships that can possibly happen or work.  Please, remove all sensible nonsense and prospects from my sight asap.

And my heart is still broke.  Settled, but broke.

It was a break I learned from.  A break where I had to face the guy daily afterwards.  How to cope?  My MO has been to run, in the past, but not this time.  So, instead, I cut him out of everything.  I simply stopped acknowledging his existence for my own survival.

Outside of tonight.

Long before I began drinking for the evening, I made out a list of all the things I aspire to be, for future reference and general guidance when I forget myself:

1.) Fit 2.) Generous 3.) Compassionate 4.) Kind 5.) Courageous 6.) To look for what I have in common with another person, rather than how I’m different from that person.

And the night ended with this person talking to me and messaging me, leaving me feeling like I’ve legitimately been missed, asking for a second chance.

It seemed unreal, them asking for another chance.  They hadn’t really done anything wrong, and yet, here they were.  And I felt missed.  It’s been a couple of months since we’ve spoken.  He believed I hated him.  I didn’t hate him.  I just couldn’t cope with him.

It only seemed right to say that, yeah, being friends again would be nice... given what I’d only a few hours ago carved into a post-it note and adhered to my desk as a reminder of just what sort of person I wanted to be.  Acquiescing to this request for friendship seemed to fit with 2-5, and maybe 6.

To be clear, I don’t want anything from him.  But I enjoyed him so much, and life is just easier without him in it because I don’t have to daily lament what I can’t have.  It was a rare joy to feel like myself with someone.  There’s been a few times since we stopped talking to each other, even tonight, where we either say or laugh at the same thing, because we’re saying or feeling or enjoying something the same way, and it’s like, “get out of my head.  You’re not welcome here.”  But that was the beauty of our friendship... the absolute nonsense that we could revel in together.

And sharing stupid parts of our lives.

Him getting the wrong couscous in a vain attempt to prove a point and failing miserably in unforeseen ways.  Sharing his blizzard.  Him having avocado toast for breakfast while I try out some pancakes in some completely unplanned and undiscussed freaky friday exchanging of lifestyles.

I made banana pancakes the other day and couldn’t get his voice out of my head, taunting me about it.  I wanted so badly to tell him, to take pics and show him... this after he admitted some sort of netherlands waffle cookie was good to our group.  I’d never made pancakes of any sort before, and these were beauties to the eye and to the tastebuds.

We were very very anti each other’s preferred breakfast pastry, you see.  I was team waffles, he was team pancakes.  We argued for at least two weeks straight over which was superior.  I’m not even exaggerating.

It’s insane and a little unfair how people can follow you around without even being there; how the stupidest things can remind you of them, or what they might think, feel, or say... so that, in these few months we haven’t been speaking, he’s been gone, but still somewhere in my head, there’s occasionally this little voice giving its unwanted opinion.

In a way, it’s a relief -- of course it is -- that he said anything, that the alcohol left him brave or sleepy or *whatever* enough to address our silence and how it came to be.  I wonder if he’s heard some version of me in his head, too, commenting on food or the weather or some other random thing.  Surely, he must have. If so, this must be why he said something.  If not, he missed it and this must be why he said something.  Right?  Maybe?  Maybe, though I’ve been alone, I haven’t been alone.  Or maybe it was him extending an olive branch, making amends and reparations for some completely unrelated resolution, some list to be a better person, like I have posted to my desk now.

In another way, it’s utterly the worst ever.  It’s dangerous finding someone like him, because then I want someone like him, so I can be me in every way I am with him, and the abject sadness of that not existing is too much for me to deal with.  Because of the proximity.  Because it’s right there.  It’s so easy to want.  Even when it’s not something I should want.  And then I fear it can’t be found anywhere else.

It’s also a bit of a relief that I’m drawn to the food and wine guy on Queer Eye. We were passionate about food, this guy and I.  Don’t get me wrong, it sucks that neither are available, but at least I’m pointed in a direction and kind of know it’s not just him.  It’s me.  I’m DTF: down to food.

And I appreciate ridiculous shit.

I used to own that shower cap.  Not even lying.  Pack of 3: leopard print, green, and white.  The print flaked off the leopard and the elastic bands went gummy on all three.  Sad. Face.  Regardless, I was always that kid at lunch who’d eat whatever exotically awful combination of foods and condiments others could come up with.

I’ve never owned a sweat band, car shirt, or questionable doll person, but I’d be so about that life if it were suddenly presented to me.

1.) I don’t know how to upload my own gifs to tumblr.  2.) I actually have a photo of myself from a few years ago, in Target, wearing that same unicorn bike helmet while holding up my soon-to-be Ninja Turtle panties.

I originally enjoyed Queer Eye for its message and the feels and didn’t think too much of Antoni until I noticed he was usually the one exploring the unknown while others were helping out the hero, and then the show was elevated to a whole new level and worth watching again just to see wtf was going on in the background.

How hard can it possibly be to find a person with these qualities who can also worship me as hard as I’d worship them?  That’s my night.  That’s my life.  That’s why it’s so hard to cope with this guy, because he’s so close to my vision of perfect.

[braindamageforbeginners]

A Moment of Introspection (or, Why Positive Thinking is Actually a Bad Thing)

Since starting the whole end-stage brain cancer thing, I’ve gotten a variety of messages from assorted friends and acquaintances wishing me well - it's quite heartwarming, actually - and, although it's universally well-intended, a significant percentage (about 20-40%, I'd estimate) have the glaring subtext, “Cheer up, for Chrissakes.” I appreciate that, for most people, that's intended as a sincerely well-meaning sentiment, but, uh, no; no thanks. I was never a cheery person, I'm unlikely to turn into one under current conditions. All of this reminded me of why I'm fastidiously documenting this whole process. We tend to see dying people as “the great other,” (believe me, we really do, you just don't experience it until you're on the wrong side of the equation), and that colors a great amount of my interactions - you can kind of simulate this experience, by spending a day where you don't discuss, or do, anything pertaining to a time frame after the next six months. It'll be easier for some of you than others.

The ClifNotes version of this rant is how to properly respond when you hear bad news about a friend or neighbor, and why positive thinking isn't such a good idea. We’ll tackle the second one first, because I'm a Star Wars fan.

When you develop a dangerous disease, you will be overwhelmed by many things, but the most annoying are people telling you to remain positive. This is a bad idea on many levels, not least of which because it could kill you. When I first found out about the latest tumor in July, I was told not to panic, that this was a fairly slow-growing tumor, and I had some time to deal with it. When my tumor was removed in November - that's about 4 months, for those keeping score - the tumor had leap-frogged from stage II to stage IV.  If I had freaked the fuck out the minute I heard the word “tumor” and had it removed immediately; I would be in a completely different diagnostic category, with a completely different prognosis and life expectancy. And that wasn't even positive thinking, that was just relying on well established medical facts and/or probability. So you can understand why, perhaps, I'm suspicious of positive thinking at the moment; it’s demonstrably dangerous to me. So, you'll forgive me for operating under the assumption that this will be my last Christmas. That may or may not be accurate, it's simply an inference based on current events (speaking of which, there's an excellent chance I’ll eventually lose my insurance if that despicable tax bill becomes law, which will result in blocking access to care, which will inevitably end in a sub-optimal result for me). I suppose you could take that the other way, and assume, “Well, the disease behaved unpredictably already, that could swing the other way, too,” but it's still not a bright idea to bet on a team on a losing streak. Also, I already beat the odds - for fifteen years. This is just the law of averages catching up to me.

We are also an outcomes-oriented society - no one’s about to show up and give me gold star for living 30-odd years as a decent, kind human being who never really achieved anything of import; it's unlikely I'll get credit for weathering this particular shitstorm with grace and dignity (BTW, dignity is the very first thing that gets jettisoned in these situations; I think I left any remaining scraps of that on the floor of the shower when I had to have a nurse physically support me throughout the entire shower/basic hygiene process). I should get credit for not strangling any of the nitwits who try to cheer me up the wrong way.

THE PROPER WAY TO CHEER ME UP: Tell me about your aunt who beat brain cancer (I’m actually being sincere). Maybe leave out that epilogue about her living a full three years past what the doctors expected; I'm not in a position to refuse any extra time, but I'm ambitiously hoping for more than five years. Call me crazy! Or, y’know, just treat me like a regular person who's in the middle of a bad divorce. I'm aware that my situation is much worse, but I can not escape the constant reminders that I'm in a really bad way (I'm taking very strange meds that give me insomnia and heartburn; I'm on the phone with my doctors, nurses, and insurance company every hour or two; I could go on), so it's nice to be treated as a person, and not a disease bound in human flesh. I love Oprah, I love Oscar Wilde, but until they're sitting in a waiting room next to a man with literally only half a face, please don't spout inspirational garbage unless you want to make it onto the “To Stab” list.

Speaking of being an outcome-oriented society; a great deal of my (and probably most other cancer patients’) dread and anxiety is based on the uncertainty of outcomes. We tend to be of the mind-set that our fear of an event is much worse than the event itself; and, normally, I'd agree with that sentiment. Except, at almost every single step in the diagnostic/discovery process, the outcome has not only been far worse than my worst fears, it's outstripped my doctors’ predictions. True, I have gotten slightly lucky in a few ways (the surgery went far better than expected, I do have a mutation that gives me a 40% chance of survival with conventional treatment, I'm in a drug trial that should improve those odds, and I might be able to get insurance next year), but even those all come with caveats and qualifications. And they're weighed against an uncertain future in which even death isn't the worst possible outcome (remember Two Face in the waiting room? Yeah, it's not likely to happen to me, but neither was stage IV brain cancer). So, you might understand why, with a future that's decidedly more S. King than B. Potter, even with the rosiest predictions (and not a whole lot of future, at that). The happiest baby rabbit photo in the world isn't going to improve those odds, so keep the motivational posters to yourself. If things are looking better in a few weeks, yeah, sure, I'll be cheerier, but I haven't even started treatment yet.

I realize that most of these misfires come from the human impulse to do something to help each other (again, knowing that people are just well-intentioned idiots has saved a few of those idiots from a much-needed eyeball gouging), and it just comes out wrong. I try to preface everything I write with the warning that I don't speak for all cancer patients, just me. Today, I'm going to abandon that stance and speak as Cancer Man (but not the cool, X-Files one), patron saint and mouthpiece for all patients with terrible afflictions, and give you, dear reader, the perfect response when you hear that unimaginable tragedy has struck someone you care about. I'm so confident in its efficacy, that it will work not only for cancer, but for almost all diseases, and, indeed, tragedy in general, from unexpected weight gain to a neighbor losing their child. However, before we get there, let's look at the very best, and very worst, reactions (there's only one of each, I won't hold you in suspense for too long).

So, far and away the best response to my situation came from a former boss in the biotech industry, who had heard of several promising clinical trials, and offering some advice about trial eligibility. I knew I was a decent employee, I didn't think I was that good.

Now, the very worst response - and the one I've possibly received the most - is, “"I could get hit by a bus tomorrow.” Or something similar. Usually this is whenever I bring up the odds of me making it five years (about 40%), because Americans don't understand how probability or basic math works (this also explains our economic policies). Fortunately, most people realize it's kind of a dickish thing to say, “I can completely empathize, because I am also mortal.” It took me a while to figure out the proper response to that, which is; “"I'm so glad you agree, let's play some Russian Roulette.” Once I break it down that way - that I'm in a life or death situation over which I have absolutely no control - most people back off.

Anyway, here's your go-to response whenever tragedy strikes someone you know; “"That's awful. I am so sorry, and I have no idea what to say. Is there anything I can do?” That will work for every unpleasant disease you can imagine, I'd wager my life on it (another phrase that used to mean something).

And the only person who's inquired - unprompted - about my emotional state was my radiation oncologist. She was sort of double-checking that I was depressed (or trying to figure out if the cancer was causing it, I'm not sure). Either way, the implication was the disease could be directly influencing my emotional state and/or outlook. If you're still having trouble understanding why I'm slightly upset, imagine having an alien parasite in your brain that can alter your very perception of reality - what we usually call our sanity - and knowing that, if science fails, things will get much, much worse, and eventually, you will die. That's not a problem if you're Kirk or McCoy, but let's say you're slowly becoming aware - like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern - that you're a nameless red shirt. BTW, if Spock doesn't synthesize an antidote in time, these dispatches are going to become very surreal as I descend into madness and pain.

Finally - and don't worry, I'm mostly done with self-pity - you'll have to be patient, I literally found out about all of this five weeks ago. It's all a little much to adjust to in less time than it takes to establish residency in most places. Hell, just for comparison, my chemo/radiation course is - minimally - six weeks. Which brings up my final point (hang in there, we’re almost done), why I'm writing these things. In our society, we tend to view dying people (or those in grave situations) as The Great Other. We want Morrie Schwartz, or we want sick people to shut up and go away (BTW, the feeling’s mutual on the other side of the fence, sick people just want you to give us morphine and let us die in peace). I have not heard of anyone undergoing this, uh, process, while maintaining their surliness and cowardice (and you would be, too, if you were only getting a few hours of sleep every night) - not that I'm dedicated to those traits, but they come naturally to me in crisis (or this particular crisis; I don't know what I'd be like if I was sleeping well and didn't have to call some specialist or billing department or coordinator every hour or so) - and I think future cancer patients should be assured that a bit (or a lot)(or even massive amounts) of griping and fear is fairly normal and has no real effect on the outcome (it doesn't, I haven't seen a study conclusively showing any correlation between attitude and patient outcomes). And this whole writing project will help me keep track of my efforts to find the world’s funniest cancer joke. It has to be out there, somewhere; I've been unable to shake the feeling that I'm somehow involved in some horrible, tasteless joke (and I've crunched the numbers; this whole thing is so statistically outlandish that finding out I am some sort of fictional character in an elaborate story about end-of-life issues would not be the most surprising (or upsetting) discovery I've made this month), and damned if I'm going to leave before figuring out the punchline (of course, I'm about to be damned, anyway; my mother described the radiation waiting room as “the line to cross the Styx”). And finally, I'm doing this because I still can; there may well come a time when I'm unable to write - a thought that scares me far worse than dying. And it may very well may happen; after all, we live in a universe rich in possibilities.

In conclusion, if you feel the need to cheer someone up, there are other cancer patients you can bother. Some of them are probably serene and wise, even (those are the patients with personal assistants to wade through the vast pile of BS that is the bureaucracy of the modern medical-industrial complex). If, on the other hand, you're interested in seeing how far down the rabbit hole goes, with a host who isn't afraid to ask, “This is really fucked up, right? This isn't just me, is it?” I'm your man. For good or bad, my life looks the way it does because I'm too lazy to pretend to be someone I'm not (well, that, and life-long neurological disease); and I'm certainly not going to work on that skill while simultaneously trying to survive what promises to be the very worst (possibly even the very last) two months of my life. Speaking of which...

UPDATE: I met with the researcher running the neurocognitive assessment trial, which is kind of fun (the neurocognitive tests are kind of like some sort of therapy for dementia patients (which, I suppose, could describe me soon enough); you get to draw things (sort of), you play word games (sort of), and you get to play with blocks (sort of)). And then I got to fill out some forms to assess my current neuropsychiatric state. I realize I use synonyms for “fear” a lot on this blog, but the questions on the psych form were deeply upsetting in their implications (”Have you had recent troubles articulating your thoughts or feelings?” YOU. MOTHERFUCKERS. Writing is the last thing I have any real control over; don't you dare take this from me). Good news; the researcher assured me that current radiation treatment is much less nuclear holocaust-y than old fashioned radiation treatment, and the goal of this study is to demonstrate just how much better it is for patient cognitive abilities. She was less happy about my constant pestering her about specifics (”Have I experienced balance problems in the last week? Yes, but since someone was sawing through my somatosensory lobe a month ago, I don't think it was a psychiatric issue.”), so she eventually told me to shut up and scribble any notes or caveats in the margins (I don't think anyone will be amused that, after I rated the statement “I am afraid of dying” (I very strongly agree with that statement, obviously), I wrote, “There is about a 60% chance I'll die in the next five years, it's not a fear, it's just basic math.” Still, it was reassuring when she told me that she does see most patients again at the three month follow-up, and that most of them are mostly-intact. And, in surprising news, I finally saw the psychooncologist; and she seemed remarkably empathetic and intelligent (I guess it's just the administrative staff that are cruel and incompetent). I guess I have adjustment disorder (no shit, Sherlock)(also, there's probably a few readers who saw that coming). But, bigger news, the antidepressant I was on is linked to anxiety, insomnia, and, wait for it... seizures. So, I will be transitioning to a less dangerous (for me, anyway) antidepressant over the next few weeks, so things might get a little odd around here during that time. She (the psychiatrist) also said something to mull over; (and I'm paraphrasing), “Any time you cut into the brain, you permanently change the neurochemistry. And we've done that to you three times since you were 17.” I also got a call from my original mad scientist oncologist in Northern California (or one of her Igors, anyway), reminding me that she wants an MRI a month after starting radiation, which is reassuring. I have no illusions about her investment in me; it makes for a much better case study if the patient lives longer, and I am a once-in-a-lifetime medical specimen (I don't mean that in a sleazy, “Welcome to the gun show” way; I once calculated that there are fewer than 250 people with similar medical histories... on planet Earth). Still, the more people who want me to live, and are in a position to help make that dream a reality, the better. Now for the bad news; the radiation department is still haggling with my insurance company, and that's holding up this whole process. However, they're expecting to hear back in a day or so, and, as Dad noted, the insurance company has been quite generous and almost-mammalian during this whole process. All I want for Christmas is chemo.