#looooove this song it takes me back to last year

[goshen-applecrumbledore]

hello!! i love your works so much. you manage to be so intimately detailed within a single sentence. it’s really incredible how you are able to craft so much with so few words. anyway, i have a couple questions for you:

what got you started writing? how long have you been writing?

i noticed in particular your openings are always visceral and full of character. how do you usually approach your openings when you’re working on a draft?

and finally, which work of yours is your favorite?

that's so so kind, thank you, I don't know what to say, haha. I love to pack a sentence. below is an article on Big Sentences from the magazine I worked at in my 20s that was hugely influential to me.

writing talk and some examples below, using a cut because it's a long (ironic!)

how long I've been writing: I know this is an annoying answer but I've been writing all my life. little kid-stories about spunky redheaded heroines going on adventures in grade school, followed immediately by naruto slash fic, which I've obviously never looked back from. I don't know what actually made me start writing, but I've always loved to read, so writing follows, I think. I also draw, with varying success. for a lot of years I only drew and didn't write much at all, but somewhere in my mid-20s my focus flipped to writing and hasn't gone back.

openings: I looooove writing opening sentences and opening scenes in general. I think this is so important to set the tone and immediately get people to know your characters. even in fic, where they DO know your characters, they don't know YOUR take on them yet.

I think about how I can set the scene as quickly and impactfully as possible, which for me means getting immediately into some kind of happening-right-now action. someone's gotta be doing something. don't start with exposition, trust your reader to understand what's going on very shortly, and trust yourself to make any unknowns clear through what happens in the next couple paragraphs, instead of verbose explaining. primo verbs. get AFTER it.

as an example, some favourite opening paragraphs of mine:

Dean walked into Trish Maynard’s bedroom on the top floor of her parents’ home in an affluent suburb of St. Paul, Minnesota, and said, “Smells like Juicy Fruit and virginity in here.”

I like this one because it's got dialogue, it sets the scene and I, selfishly, think it's funny. I mentioned "parents' home" to immediately establish that this person is a kid, same with "affluent." just quick words that IMPLY a ton.

Sam spent ten minutes standing in his room trying to decide whether it would be worse to take his clothes off when he got there or to show up already naked. In the end, he went with a robe, nothing underneath. There was something pious and ceremonious about a robe, and it took it that one extra step away from a normal encounter. Barefoot, even though the dungeon floor was cold.

I like this one because it's not clear why he's doing what he's doing, which (I hope) stokes curiosity instead of being confusing. assuming that works, I think that's always fun. where's he going? why was being naked an option? naked in a DUNGEON? etc.

and a few I think are weak:

The back of Carmy’s throat was gummy with Pepto and his eyelids felt like sandpaper. The nicotine gum made his teeth all fuzzy and stale. He couldn't remember the last time he drank water. It was either Wednesday or Thursday.

This has some fun words (gummy, fuzzy. lol) but doesn't contain any DOING verbs. he's standing there, feeling shitty. not a compelling start

Sam was doing push-ups in the big empty room they set up to use as a workout space by putting down a rubber locking mat and getting a few dumbbells and kettlebells, resistance bands for physio. He was at the tail end of an hour as the interval timer on his phone ticked down, his arms and core aching, shirt wet with sweat. He had music playing quietly, he didn’t recognize the song.

uninteresting subject matter!! Who gives a shit about working out? the story isn't about working out! no relevance or stoked curiosity!! word choice implies the kind of very-real monotony of working out. why would I want the reader to feel monotony? foolish

favourite work: this changes all the time because I rarely like my own work for very long, so I always like more recent ones best.

my favourite right now overall is probably my true detective fic Hangdog. their voices and accents are so so fun and it had all my favourite topics. smelling bad. alcoholism. violence. and ultimately a nice ending.

I also have a continued soft spot for Matryoshka dolls (spn, johndean) because I've always wanted to capture the feeling of being in an objectively abusive relationship that also has a lot of love in it. I never really handle Big Ideas in my work, I like small ideas (smelling bad. conversations) but abuse is a big idea and it was challenging and interesting to write!!

thank you for the very nice ask, it was a lot of fun. always happy to chat

[missmaywemeetagain]

Dear Miss Madisyn May,

I don't know if I totally understand how Gala's work, and when I don't understand something I usually hesitate and lurk around, but I've been following your's and worked up the nerve to send you a message. I first found Pink Scarf on A03, and it is something I go back and reread when I want cheering up or inspiration. Like so many I was immediately captivated by your writing and I love your newest fic Broken Glass and also the epilogues/one-shots/shorts you've written. I'm relatively new to active fandom, I have been a lurker for the last few years reading here and there, I feel like I came to fic late in life (32-33ish) and only just started writing it last fall. It has become one of my favorite pastimes and I wish I had found it sooner, but oh well.

I was wondering if you would be willing to share your own process for how you map out where your stories will go and how you work out plots, or find inspiration and work through writer's block, and/or honestly any advice you'd give someone starting out writing fic.

cheers,

norah

A little black-tie a little black-tie E and Frank ready for your Gala...

Dear Lil’ Miss Darlin’ Norah,

Firstly, I’m sorry this took me a million trillion years to respond to!! This is the sweetest and loveliest, and thank you for coming by to share and ask such a great question!! 💜 I, too, came to fic late(ish) and was also most definitely a lurker, so I can very much relate.

Oooh, boy, my writing process is a bit of a mess, honestly. I wish I could say that I was a super outliner/organized writer, but that’s just not who I am, and I think trying to be that writer got in my way for a very long time. I find that I get stifled if I’m outlining really specifically because my brain tries to lock everything in even if the story needs to go in another direction. So for me, I take more of an organic approach.

I tend to think in scenes or beats that I want to hit instead. Often, my ideas start from daydreams, so it’ll begin with a “scene” that I then want to build a story around. Sometimes that scene is really clear but may not happen for many chapters into a fic, so I have to figure out how I actually get my characters there. But giving myself time to daydream is one of the most important things to me as a writer. Usually when I’m having trouble figuring out a scene or arc or pushing through the writing, it’s often because I literally haven’t closed my eyes and laid down and let it play out in my head.

And inspiration can come from almost anywhere! Writing Elvis in particular, I’m heavily inspired by historical events and personal anecdotes. I love weaving real moments into my E fics!! There are honestly too many to count for PS.

For Broken Glass, Dolores came to me first as a character and I was like, “hmmm, that’s interesting,” and I am super fascinated by E’s health journey, so I was like, how do I put those together?

Songs are also often big sources of inspiration, like with Power of My Love and Without Love for PS. I try to consume a lot of media too, which gets my brain going—what I mean by that is the more I’m reading books and fics and watching shows/movies and listening to music, the more goes in my brain bank, so to speak.

I am by no means an expert, or even a professional writer (yet!), so this is just part of my process which (usually) works for me. Take of that what you will, but of course every writer is different and there is no one “right” way. I definitely struggle with perfectionism, and that tends to be my biggest source of “blocks” or frustration. So I’ve found that I just need to write. Practice. Get something on the page, even if it sucks lol! Cuz I’m always gonna go back and revise and tweak it anyway.

Anyway, I hope that’s helpful! Thank you so much for supporting my little stories and wishing you all the best in your writing adventures! 💜 Feel free to drop in my DMs if you have other questions or tag me in your works!

And I looooove me some black tie E and Frank!! To have been in that room…phew! 🥰😏🤩

💗 Madi

[starjxsung]

hiii bb. i hope you’re doing good <3 do my long-ass asks bother you?

but anyways! no, i feel you so bad. i usually fell asleep at like 2am and had to wake up at 6 for uni. and that’s really damaging for your health. i’m still getting used to it but magnesium and melatonin have helped me a lot with my insomnia. but im super lightweight in terms of taking pills so ill just sleep for a whole day if i take them together. so maybe you can look into that if you haven’t already. my mom’s a pharmacist so i got all the pill/supplement intel😅

i’m really sick of the insane amount of promos for this song as well. changbin posting a pic with him🙃🙃. i was like changbin honey angel baby ily but no. but i’m glad that a lot of people were commenting info about zionism and palestine under the picture <3 but so many others were supporting it🤕

im really sad that a lot of stays are boycotting silently too. education about these topics is so important!!! i’ve seen a lot of asks and comments about people who didn’t even know that ch*rlie p*th was a zionist or even what zionism is and when educated, stopped supporting the collab. there’s so many people who are unaware about the situation so shining light on the reasons can really change perspectives.

i love those pictures of momo sososososo much. she’s so bunny coded im obsessed. we r all momo stans here <333

my bf’s best friend came back from a trip to japan and he brought me a super cute hangyodon keychain. (he brought my bf a really really awesome studio ghibli greatest hits type of cd, i wish i took a pic to show it to you </3)

kuromi was like 5th which is consistent to where she was last year. i’m glad to see that other characters like pochacco and pompompurin are getting love though!

ily bb! i hope you’ve had the best weekend. and happy mother’s day to your mom & you 4 birthing queen momo 💘

(this is tofu literally helping me work on the presents and being a gift herself <3)

-🐈‍⬛

Hi my angel! Your long-ass asks get me through the days lately. They don’t bother me in the slightest !! 🫶

Thank you for all the wise pharmacist intel !! I will absolutely look into that. I need to hold myself to a better routine and be better about turning my phone off at night, but I always end up answering asks when I’m supposed to be sleeping and it’s just as therapeutic to me as rest is. It’s a constant battle 🫠

The Changbin pic 🤕 like skz never even use their instagrams all that much and all of a sudden we’re getting SO much stuff at the worst time possible ?? Where was this energy when I cared enough to interact with it 😭 the W Korea magazine covers too lorddddd everybody on my instagram knows I collect Felix magazines like a full time job and I had a few messages asking me if I’d seen his new covers. Had to politely share a story about why I’ll be quiet on my Felix shrine for a little bit 🤕 it sucks. Also absolutely agree with you about the education thing- I mean this has been an ongoing issue for 76 years now, but to pretend like it’s not EVERYWHERE since the escalation starting in October is just ignorant. It takes a few minutes to read through articles! People make tik toks! There are infographics! There’s so much information and to act like you don’t have time to do basic research is so silly.

Momo loves you right back 🫶💘!! She’s currently sitting in my window meowing at bypassers in my building and she’s very popular

Also the hangyodon keychain!!! That is so sweet of him oh my god!!!!!! I love love looooove hangyodon 🥹

Kuromi placing 5th makes so much sense if we’re going to give pochacco and pompompurin a little love too! Sanrio supremacy 🫶

PLEASE SEND TOFU ALL MY LOVE……. She is so cutie I’m so obsessed with her (and you) I love you angel!!!!! I hope you have the best weekend 💕💓💗🩷💘🫶👼 happy Mother’s Day to my favorite cat mama anon 🐱💓

[artknifeandglue]

as shattered stars shine: DVD commentary (part 1/12)

Home, sick, and desperately need to do something other than write, so I'm going to yell semi-coherently about as shattered stars shine, a story that seized my brain in end-April last year and refused to leave until I wrote the whole damn thing.

Will do it chapter by chapter, but post might be long, so cut.

“I’ll risk my life, I’ll give my life to you. After all, you gave me time, didn’t you? If all my desires could come true, if I could attain them, I want to see you I make my wish upon the stars” … If life would only return to you, if it could reach you, I don’t care what happens to me” -Mephisto by Queen Bee

I describe this fic as a Gift of the Magi meets Faust, which it pretty much is. Many thanks to Queen Bee for an emotionally devastating song. Now on to the writing process and commentary! (Note: I’m not going to put the whole fic here because that’d defeat the purpose of uploading it, and also because I feel really weird about posting the full 60k words here. Instead, I’ve taken quotes from it and put them here.)

Meteor showers, Eggsy knows, aren’t actually as rare as people think. Thirty of them in a year works out to one meteor shower somewhere every five weeks.

Quite literally the first line - this was the very first thing I wrote, and it stayed in all the way until the final draft (with some tiny revisions!). Originally, the second line had a throwaway comment about a primary school teacher having given him this bit of information. Also, this damn line alone kicked off a whole lot of reading about meteor showers. Many thanks to the International Meteor Organisation for their assistance.

Deep brown eyes flicker up towards Eggsy, and for a moment he feels as though they might in their intensity reveal his every secret, every corner of his soul. It should be intimidating, Eggsy knows. It should be frightening. Yet a shiver of excitement starts at the back of his neck and darts down his spine, leaves his hands tingling with something almost like the thrill of his escape, but better. How much richer, Eggsy thinks, how much warmer this feeling is, this business of feeling alive.

Kingsman’s story is that of Eggsy starting a new life as an agent, but his new life doesn’t start the moment he enters Kingsman – it starts when he goes to meet Harry Hart. Also relevant: this particular story’s themes of a second chance at life, at being alive.

“About two weeks and many hopeful glimpses up at the Galahad office window later, Eggsy takes a look in the mirror and accepts that yeah, okay, he might be just a little bit in love with Harry Hart…

Which, you know, writing on the wall and all that. Eggsy’s bi, not stupid.”

He’s a clever one, and he’s got his priorities in order. What else is there to say? They’re in looooove.

“…and yet all Eggsy finds himself needing is that rare fleeting moment in which Harry passes by, a stray comet crossing his path.”

Sticking the shooting-star metaphor (though comets aren’t meteors) in various places because I can. Also, though, Harry is the vehicle through which Eggsy’s hope for a better life comes true.

“Everything else, Eggsy thinks, can wait until after then. Later, he tells himself as he lies awake at night, the curve of Harry’s lips on his mind, the leap of his heart in his chest unaddressed. There will be time later…

Then a grenade goes off in a lecture hall, and then Eggsy finds himself right back at the beginning, out of time and alone.”

As seen in the lyrics, time is a recurring theme in this fic: Eggsy runs out of time to confess, Harry runs out of time to apologise, and then Eggsy runs out of his soul-traded time when he gets shot. The Deal with the Devil comes in precisely because of this – Eggsy isn’t willing to accept that he’s run out of time, and later, neither is Harry.

“Two-thirds into a twenty-kilometre night run, Eggsy glares at the stars sparkling in the night and reminds them you don’t do shit…

Until they do.”

Cosmic coincidence or intentional tempting of Eggsy? A little from Column A, a little from Column B. He’s still holding on to the last vestiges of the idealistic notion of wishing upon a star, and having the stars actually grant one (1) wish would push him a little more in that direction, while also setting him up for greater disappointment and resentment later!

“Above him, as though in answer, the flickering light of the stars winks back, hopeful and glimmering, like a promise from a benevolent universe.”

Personification! There’s an excellent reason why the stars seem almost alive and sentient, at least in this fic.

Bring him back, he demands, the words part spite and part despair. Above him, brilliant and blazing, meteors rocket to their deaths and fizzle out one by one, taking with them the emptiness of his rage. I’ll trade you anything if you bring him back.

So my favourite work is The Picture of Dorian Gray, and the corruption/perversion of beauty is something I personally enjoy exploring. How can we take a bunch of beautiful things (the night sky, a meteor shower, the stars) and attribute to them a sort of tragedy/terror in their beauty? Dunno. I like to think I’ve done it somewhat well over this fic.  

In the armchair where Chester King had sat and handed him a gun, someone sits nursing a glass of scotch. “Hello, Eggsy. Care for a drink?”

Why is Arthur’s office also the Devil’s office? Jokes about Chester King being the literal Devil aside, I think having Eggsy constantly revisit the place where it all started going wrong – dare I say his own personal hell? – is fitting. What better way to convince a man to sell his soul than to bring him back to the beginning of the end and show him you can fix this for a small, small price?

But there is one truth achingly, excruciatingly familiar to him, one thing he knows not by training but by a lifetime of hanging in there by the skin of his teeth: second chances don’t come often, not to people like him. Second chances don’t ever come back, and some of them don’t come at all unless bought for with blood the way Dad did seventeen years ago. Seventeen years of snatching tomorrows from the hands of an uncaring universe, and now a second chance — both his and Harry’s — sits in front of him in that stupid armchair, empty crystal glass in hand, waiting.

A central motivation for Eggsy in this fic is seizing an opportunity when it presents itself. His canon backstory makes it clear that opportunities have been in short supply all his life, and I think he’d be acutely aware of this fact. Coupled with grief and love, it makes him all the more likely to accept Mephistopheles’ deal.

It’s like being dunked into ice water, like being turned inside out and torn apart, scattered in a million pieces across space and time unending.

The stranger throws his empty glass onto the hearth, where it shatters into sparkling fragments upon the logs that shimmer and gleam like stars. The flame hisses, roars and leaps out of the fireplace, licking at Eggsy’s calves like a promise, a premonition, burning—

Star references! But also, flames of hell foreshadowing.

Eggsy jolts awake to find sunrays spilling through the window into a house he has no memory of going home to, sunlight warm against his legs where he must have kicked the covers off in restless sleep. It is morning. He is in his bed, alone.

If the stars at night are a dark and terrifying force in the story, surely morning is a positive one? Except the sun is a star too. Hehe.

…an effort that Roxy lays waste to when she bursts into his office at half past noon and slaps his laptop shut just to tell him about Merlin’s latest phone call. A frazzled lady calling in to the Kingsman main line with only the words Oxfords, not brogues to identify her, begging to speak to literally anybody. A previously unidentified person has just woken up in the mortuary of a hospital and demanded that they call this number, but he won’t say anything about who he is or what’s happened to him, and can someone please come get him?

Roxy doesn’t appear all that much in the fic, chiefly because this is meant to revolve around Hartwin and how we get to a point where they’d both sell their souls for the other person, but I love her and want to write more of her. The phone call line was second to be written (after the first line of the fic) and has stayed exactly as it was in previous drafts.

In the half-hour of pre-takeoff preparations, mind trapped between an English manor he has already left behind and a Kentucky hospital he won’t arrive at for eighteen more hours, he wastes the minutes away mindlessly flicking through several social media apps, their content a passing torrent of information that slips past his consciousness and away into the unknown. Celebrity is pregnant. Jamal’s got a new jacket. Bitcoin. Celebrity is dating other celebrity. Meteor shower peaks tomorrow. Ryan’s found a hundred quid on the pavement. Something about cryptocurrency. Personality test about a horse or a lightbulb. Celebrity affair. Celebrity divorce. AI. Bitcoin, again.

Research I didn’t think I’d need to do but ended up exploring: flight times from place to place, but also social media trends and topics in 2015-2016.

Before Eggsy leaves, he fishes out the worn Kingsman medal from his pocket and presses it into Harry’s palm. It sits like a talisman in his grip, fingers curled loosely around it. On some level, Eggsy thinks, it is. It did save him at least once, so what’s a second time?

Lee’s medal! I like to think it signifies different things to Harry and Eggsy – for Eggsy, it’s his second chance, a symbol of hope; for Harry, it’s the sign of one of his greatest failures, a symbol of guilt. Therein lies the duality of this fic and of Harry and Eggsy’s motivations for selling their souls. (More on Harry’s in the commentary on later chapters.)

That night, he dreams of the rooftop again, of sitting under an ink-black sky full of stars. They flicker and wink at him, parties to a secret between him and the universe.

At the end of the chapter, all is well! Sort of. Not entirely.

[wihlted]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN. | respond to the prompts out of character!

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have?

serena has been an oc of mine for almost like... ten years ♡ obviously she has changed a lot over the years, but her general appearance and demeanor have stayed the same. i've always loved writing soft girls, so that's something that's been consistent with her that i really enjoy. serena atp is just a part of me, she's like my favorite toy. i love writing her, no matter how long a hiatus i take, i always come back to her.

is there anything you don’t like to write?

uhhh not really, i enjoy writing most things! it just depends on my mood at the time. most of the time i don't enjoy writing or talking about smut. like i do, but i just need to be in the mood. and constantly talking about smut does get annoying for me ;w; (but i don't DISLIKE IT i have to be CLEAR)

is there anything you really enjoy writing?

i luuuuuv <333 writing romance <33 and shipping <33 i'm so annoying <33

but beyond that i also like absurd plots, and fun, ongoing complex plots that just become an entire universe ala the romy and love cinematic universe <3

how do you come up with headcanons?

i just sit and think about my muse! i listen to music, look at pinterest, talk and plot with my friends, and just look at media that reminds me of her. all of that brings me back to just thinking about her, and how that headcanon makes her more 'fleshed out' and if it conflicts with other things about her. and if it does conflict, is there a reason that makes sense?

do you write in silence or do you play music?

music. i actually really dislike writing in the silence. i almost always have something playing - usually just music or youtube.

do you plan your replies or wing them?

wing them!! i only ever really wing my replies, except with certain people that i talk about threads really in depth with. like, with romy, sometimes we'll really talk about a thread scene by scene with each other. i looooove getting to do that, especially since we can't always throw replies back and forth </3

do you enjoy shipping? 

YES i think shipping is really fun, and i'm a hopeless romantic with nowhere to put all that love <3 so i just live vicariously through serena. so i love writing those deep feelings, and I LOVE WRITING / READING PINING SO SO SO SO MUCH!!!!!! I LOVE PINING!!! sometimes the yearning is even better than the relationship to me.

what’s your alias/name?

love / rosalie / juliet

age?

25 ⊹♡

birthday?

may 13th!

favorite color?

pastel pink and white!

favorite song?

rn it's probably recency bias but i am LOVING eternal sunshine

last movie you watched?

uhh i genuinely do not remember

last show you watched?

currently watching 'deadly sins' which is just a true crime anthology connecting crimes to deadly sins. the presenter is kind of an asshole and his glasses look like cardboard.

last song you listened to?

eternal sunshine 𓁹‿𓁹

favorite food?

spicy tuna roll sushi / hibachi and literally plain steamed white rice

favorite season?

spring! i love the flowers and the aesthetic, the rain, the cool air. once my allergies get under control, i have a wonderful time!

do you have a tumblr best friend?

fuck THESE bitches in particular (doe romy abby n cassidy)

tagged by @tapalslegacy ty!!!!

TAGGING @sorehsu / @feelsinister / @shoelacestied / @musikensangel

[allthegothihopgirls]

RAAAAHHHH ASK GAMES ASK GAMES ASK GAMES!!!!! TY TEEF FOR THE TAG. I AM WELL AND I HOPE YOU ARE TOO!!!!! :3 @bandobsessed-welldressed-spork

Were you named after anyone? i was named because of an actor with a very specific spelling of a common name, but not after them.

When was the last time you cried? idk, it miiiiight have been watching yellowjackets.

Do you have kids? my cat.

What sports have you played? i've dabbled in everything from tennis to competitive bowling. i did netball for the longest though, around four years i think.

Do you use sarcasm? i try not to as much as i used to, but definitely.

What's the first thing you notice about people? if they have cool hair or piercings. especially if they have the same ones as me.

What's your eye colour? green. i had blue eyes when i was really young, and then they went hazel, but now they're just green. The only hint of brown left is in the freckles i have in my irises

Scary movies or happy endings? scary movies for sure. i can rarely enjoy media that ISN'T horror-related. idk what the appeal is for me but i just love spooky stuff.

Any talents? meaningful ones? no way. i can fold my tongue into a 4 leaf clover though. also being able to recognise most songs from just a few seconds of audio, i think that's a talent.

Where were you born? australia!!!

What are your hobbies? oh god i have so many. being insane about twd. doing art, all of it. decorating my over-decorated room (latest addition is glow stars on my spinny fan) skateboarding (SOOOO beating the uncoordinated allegations). crocheting, knitting etc. getting obsessed with video games for the perfect amount of time to 100% them and never look back. listening to cool music and making my silly little playlists. talking people's ears off. running a mediocre fandom-obsessive tumblr blog. overall just being the coolest guy ever.

Do you have any pets? YEAHHHH!!!! my awesome big cat alden (did not name him after a walking dead character, i would neeeeever) i also have fish, and i'm getting hermit crabs VERY soon!!!

How tall are you? i think i'm just over 6'0. most of the time i'm in my platform docs though, so by general consensus, way too fucking tall.

Favourite subject in school? I loooooved my arts, but couldn't bring myself to take them into my final years, some things are just supposed to stay as hobbies. i do like all the sciences though, which is what i'm ACTUALLY doing.

Dream job? sitting around and being the special-est guy in the world... what do you mean that's not reeeealistic?? i guess if i HAD to pick an ACTUAL job, i'd love to work for NASA. TAGS TAGS OH GOD I DONT KNOW WHICH ONES OF YOU WOULD WANT TO DO THIS!! @xolborsaysstuff @radio-ctrl-faggot @khris0l0gy @princeofpittsburgh NO PRESSURE!!! HAVE FUN!!

[dreamdripdistance]

LET'S GET HARD FOR SHINEE (shinee's new comeback album review!!!!)

i love shinee so much lets fucking goe

hard: oh LETS FUCKING GO!!!!! sooooo retro, i love the interesting textures and everything, all the experimental samples make it soooo shinee to me, its like 'dont call me' but Expanded, i love it !!! the "WE GO, WE GO- WE GO HARD!" is SOOOO 'kick it' nct 127 lmao, but its soooo groovy and it sets up the mood of the album soooo well. getting hard with shinee in 2023 babey ‼️

juice: 10/10 SORRY THIS IS THE BEST SONG OF THE YEAR, i know this is gonna be such a polarising opinion but i love this so much. its SO FUN and SO SILLY i love the lil flip phone beep thing in the back of the post chorus "you got the, you got the juice", and the vocal samples all through the song r so fun, and the breakdown bit?? augh so groovy this song absolutely rules, you can absolutely tell how its produced by the same guy who did "dont call me" in their last cb lmao (im gonna have the "i think you liiiike me i think you liiiiike me-" stuck in my head)

10x: ohhhhh groovy... i dont know why but this didnt stick with me the first time i listened to it but i looooove the choppy piano, and the "ten times-" chorus is HEAVENLYYY . unfortunately it is vaguely similar enough to a song that plays all the time at my work, so i cant listen to it for very long without my body subconsciously revolting, but its SOOO GOOD

satellite: i thought the intro was gonna lead to something completely different? for some reason? i like this though!!! it almost feels like it couldve been a very basic slow K-Drama type song but then its shinee so its actually interesting lmao!!!

identity: ouuuUUU i really really like that low buzzing bass synth that goes through the song, its sooo chic and very sneaky sound system i like it!!!! the "my-y identity (i dont wanna hide it)" chorus is a bit meh but the "dont hide it, dont hide it" ost chorus is saur good, and the groovy intermission bit is so good, i love the disco influences too!!!

that feeling: not a fan of this, sounds like smth that would play on the top 50 from 2016 which was never my fave and sounds kinda basic, the vocals r sooo nice even if i haaate the horn thing thats in the instrumentals

like it: OUHH so sparkly, i really like this, it sounds like it should be in a movie credits? so so groovy, so summery, not to sound like a pretentious idiot but its soooo rich im gonna take a sip of this song.... the guitar solo near the end vaguely reminded me of an old homestuck fansong lmao?

sweet misery: VERY similar complaints as 'that feeling', its that genre of Emotional music that i personally dont like (the "sweeet misery" line in the chorus is very taylor swift to me, which. yknow. no comment.), but the production on this track is insane

insomnia: oh this is INTERESTING!!!! i looove the deep synthy intro going into the groovy bass in the verse and then opening up into the smooth jazzy chorus, this is such a good slower song and you can hearrrr how good the vocals are... its got really interesting aspects in it that kind of differentiate it from similar songs, esp the really nice piano-y bits

gravity: this makes sense for a final song on an album but tbh this is what i feared satellite was gonna be? i like the chorus though, but the 'snapping' verse was never my thing

all in all this album is SO GOOD, it has a consistent thesis and theme as is expected of shinee but its still so so so fun and so extra and im so so so excited to see them active again <333 its almost like a return to form in a Cool way, which i love ‼️‼️‼️

[00gangfriend00]

I was tagged by @jade-marie and @bourbon-ontherocks to list my top 10 books  fics I read in 2020.

and lemme tell you..

i’ve been WAITIN’ for this one!!

This IS a bit tricky because I spent most of 2020 just lurking on AO3, no acccount, no commenting, no kudos. so there are just so so so many fics that I remember pieces of, and have little headcanons that LIVE with me but I have no idea who the author is or what the fic is called.  

so.. that being said, the top 10 is ever changing and could never be fully complete. I just love every author and every fic, you are all so wildly talented. 

❤  a song inside the halls of the dark - ms_scarlet  (@mego42 )

This fic has everything!! a sexy ex-lover rival gang leader, relaxed rio, angry rio, angsty kitchen sex rio. LOFT rio. AND it’s my favourite post-S2 reckoning of all time. There are moments in this fic that I just want to SPAM the gg writing room with. like scrap ur plans. DO. THIS.  Overall, this is such a creative and well-written series.  The characterization is superb, the smut has.... so many feelings, and the angst is AMAZING. There are a couple chapters (I wont give spoilers) that involves Beth in a hotel in Canada that I legit could not stop reading. it’s just all... so damn GOOD. favourite line: You thought I could be something, right? Well, this is that something. The bitch you trained bit back. 

❤  we’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks - BourbonOnTheRocks  (@bourbon-ontherocks)

Whew! this fic has EVERYTHING. safe house brio. KARMA. brio ignoring each other. snippy, cranky brio. baking shows. mick overhearing loud shower sex. zero communication. brio getting high and giggling! all the feelings. I looooove this fic. like I LOVE it.  it's so creative and it feels so real!! I can play it like a movie in my head. There is so much fun smutty build up, so much tension, anxiety and a very, very, good Thaw Of Feelings which is my fav. I will forever have a soft spot for safe house fics, but this one hilariously twists the trope by doubling down on their idiot stubbornness. genius. favourite line:  He's using her and she's using him. Maybe it's the only thing they're truly equal at.

❤  my girl - elizabethmarks (not on tumblr?)

This fic has everything!!!!!!! (but TW that everything is not for everyone, as the plot primarily revoles around a rape scene.) This fic sets up some of the most soft, emotional, protective brio moments. I also adore how this author handles the delicate subject matter. I work from time to time as a crisis advcate for women and ...... this fic is so accurate and well written. All the emotions beth feels, the way rio reacts to her. everything. I have read this SO many times. It also inludes a Mick POV that will TUG at your HEART.  favourite line: *When on route to Rio’s loft* Rio nods, with that gentle look he has. "Alright, mama. Let's get you home." There's a beat, they both catch it, but neither of them make the correction.

❤  working on things - odenkirk (not on tumblr?)

THIS fic, now this fic has everything!!!!!!!!! masturbation! sexting! weed-smokin horny rio! DEAN?!??! in a way that didnt repulse me???? SEX. kinda threesome??? a heck of a lot of things that I didnt think id be into but then read it and was like HUH, guess i AM. and last but not least, deliciously perfect characterization. This is a fic I ask you to take a risk on. It will pay off. Its fun and oooh soooooooo sexy. Yes, dean goes to pound town too, but I promise- odenkirk makes it WORK.  Blush meter: off the charts. I had to put my phone down and reckon with Jesus.  favourite line:   Rio: Don't get precious, sweetheart. It's you cuz it's you.  AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

❤ miles before you sleep - FakePlastikTrees (@nakedmonkey)

THIS AUTHOR has EVERYTHING! FakePlastikTrees is one of those authors where... I read one fic - then buckled my seatbelt and clicked on her account so I could systematically read through every. single. fic. They are often short scenes that feel so true. Her Rio characterization makes me green with (benevolent) envy. and her smut?? oof. top notch.  This fic in particular lives in my heart because it really truly feels like a missing GG scene between Beth and our favourite tattooed babysitter. The atmosphere is tangible and the author slows time down for these two, it stretches out like you are smokin in the suburbs with them. I love a MickFic and this one is top tier. 

favourite line: “Oh come on. He’s a little unhinged.” “Takes one to know one.” 

❤  people can be so cold - s_t_c_s (@sothischickshe)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh this fic has EVERYTHING. scrabble competitiveness! annie speaking truths! christmas beth! christmas rio?!?! delicious bickering! CABIN isolation!  gift giving perfection! I could go on and on and on.  This fic just pulls you straight in. stcs crafts the timeline so effortlessly, and weaves it with so many endearing and authentic feeling details (beth has her own ‘guys’ now, and we know this bc she gives them sweets and food. OF COURSE) The longing between her and rio is so RICH. if you want your heart to swell a million sizes - this is the fic for you.  favourite line:  They hadn’t – been intimate yet, back when she got him arrested, or the first few times he’d shoved a gun in her face. And the sexual part had been all done and dusted prior to their, god, kidnapping and shooting fiasco. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t present throughout – a hovering spectre, forming a treacherous spine through all their endeavours.

  ❤ listening through the air shaft - ms_scarlet (@mego42)

now this fic. actually for real, has everything. because its every POV you never knew you NEEDED.  and mego42 absolutely nails each and every one. especially Dean. Its a complicated look into his blubbering sexist mind, and misguided fixations that is really well-written. The way in which brio has their own arc throughout the chapters, but told through the eyes of those around them - is amazing. this fic just makes you love every character even MORE.  favourite line: well.. annie, mick and ruby have a group chat and thats all you need to know. anytime that comes up = favourite line.

❤ instigator - nomind (@inyoursheets)

be still my bisexual heart. this fic has everyONE! Yes, this fic dissolves into perfect threesome smut BUT before you get there, you get this awesome set up of a dangerous-feeling connection between Rhea and Beth. They are honest, open and fully acknowledging the fuckedupness of their desire. For how small a part Rhea has in the show - this author NAILS her voice, it’s uncanny. Both of them talking about rio? sign me up. Rio coming home to it? sign me UP.  favourite line: “Jesus,” she hears behind her. “What am I looking at right now?” Rhea smiles down on her, ignoring him, running her fingers through Beth’s hair.

** shout out to another be-still-my-bi-heart fic : @sothischickshe​’s “its a dirty, dirty, game”

❤ do not pass go - linzackles @mrslackles

this. fic. has. every. thing.  I am currently putting every single important thing in my life on hold to PLOUGH through this series. like full speed ahead. UGH. marcus!!! beth and rio at an event! a fancy one! big bad business dudes! betrayal! beth making bad choices! rio unable to fully communicate the weight of his desire for her! angst! just excellent, excellent, excellent plots. i like everything!!!!! favourite line: truly impossible. they are all art. but this one made me cackle.  Shrugging, she responds. In the bathroom, eating nuts.Annie’s reply comes through instantly. Rio’s???????

❤  meet me under the mistletoe - sdktrs12 (@sdktrs12)

this fic.... has.... everything. I want to include this not only because I loooOoOOOved it, but also because this author just has a talent for creating holiday themed brio fics that are not in the slightest cheesy, or forced. which is... hard! to! do! I read her halloween series while in quarantine, and it became apart of my little daily routine. each fic containing at least one moment that made me go AHHH these two!!!!!  so in short - thanks for infusing all my holidays with stellar brio. then christmas comes around and she nails it again! beth and rio begrudgingly working late?   YES. they migh each have a date but they dont DARE talk abut their jealously? YES. Bourbon as a third character? haha YES! Beth looking smokin hot? YES.  favourite line: “Is that your move? Meet me under the mistletoe?”  “Oh baby, you know my moves.”  

and PHEW. there ya go! 

Thank you amazing fanfic authors for making my year 10000000% better. 

I TAG @whiskeyjack @purplemagic @sdktrs12 @joeyjoeylee @ama-ssiempre @roxy206

[amy-issen]

ok so here it is!! i spent the last week solely making and listening to this playlist like i was POSSESED because this ship is lovely and deserved a nice playlist!  if anyone wants to know why i picked each song, i’m going to ramble about it extensively in the read more, so check that out if you want! hope you enjoy it! also thanks again to @birbwell​ for letting me use her art for the cover!

i divided this playlist in a few sections so let’s start with the first one (section one: first meeting/pining) i. in the rain - joe hisaishi i wanted to start with a short instrumental track to set the mood, and i looooove howl’s moving castle score, so i had to pick this one! the fact that it has rain in the title also helps to reference how their relationship began! ii. with every breath i take - frank sinatra “every breath that I take is a prayer that i’ll make you mine” my sister is a big sinatra/jazz fan (and also a yakuza fan) so she helped me with picking a few of the songs here! this one is very romantic, elegant and beautiful and i thought it fit the mood (and it’s what i think tachibana listens to in his free time lmao).

iii. gold rush - taylor swift “what must it be like to grow up that beautiful? with your hair falling into place like dominoes my mind turns your life into folklore i can't dare to dream about you anymore” this one is my FAVORITE song on this playlist, and one of the first i picked because this song just fits them like a glove. it’s basically pining 101, and i love that what taylor said this song is about “daydreaming about someone then snapping out of it.” i feel like the first part could be from tachibana’s perspective and the second one from kiryu’s (also giving a bit of a glimpse into the future, with the mention of a coastal town they’ll never find together) iv. first love/late spring - mitski “so please, hurry, leave me, i can't breathe please don't say you love me mune ga hachikire-sōde (my heart seems like it’s going to burst)” this one was another song i picked very early on because i love mitski, and i needed to include her here. i just wanted something to symbolize the trust that tachibana and kiryu have to share to work together, and the feelings that emerge from it, if that makes any sense. i don’t think this has a specific perspective, because i feel like this could work from both kiryu’s and tachibana’s (mostly kiryu though) v. real estate - adam melchor “every time I wonder how i'd carry on without you i'm runnin' out of real estate tryna make all the right moves i don't wanna hesitate i would bet the house on you “ do you UNDERSTAND how satisfying it was to find a song named real estate for them?? come ooon. ok that’s not all of my reasoning for it but it’s like. most of it, lmao another song i felt was about trust and feelings. (also a bit of a glimpse into the future, because i’m sad) vi. i get a kick out of you - ella fitzgerald “i get no kick from champagne mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all so tell me why should it be true that i get a kick out of you?” another one my sister recommended. i originally was gonna go with sinatra’s version of this, but i love this one and it just wouldn’t leave my brain. again, one from mostly tachibana’s perspective, get this man to sing this on karaoke night right now. vii. like real people do - hozier  “i will not ask you where you came from i would not ask and neither would you honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips we could just kiss like real people do” this is one of my all time favorites from hozier and, again, it just fit perfectly. tachibana and kiryu have both lived some very... troubled lives so far, and while they’re depending on this trust they have in eachother, none of them really care to know about what they’ve done or who they are. this is mostly from kiryu’s perspective, specially with this metaphor of being rescued/dug up from the earth with the whole being found in the rain and saved by tachibana and his poor driving skills. viii. delicate - taylor swift “this ain't for the best my reputation's never been worse, so you must like me for me... we can't make any promises now, can we, babe? but you can make me a drink” y’all are going to have to forgive me for picking TWO taylor swift songs but COME OOOON this is another one that i picked early on because i could draw so many parallels between the lyrics and things that they both said in that car scene on chapter 9 (mostly tachibana though) and i kept harassing my sister with screenshots to prove my point and i’m gonna do it again

ANYWAYS i’ve made my case, and now we enter the second section of the playlist at last ( section 2: actual romantic/fluffy songs because this is a ship playlist) i. good old-fashioned lover boy - queen “dining at the ritz we'll meet at nine (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 o'clock) precisely i will pay the bill, you taste the wine driving back in style in my saloon will do quite nicely just take me back to yours that will be fine” is this a bit of a cliché? yes. did i want to include it because it’s very cute and i’d like to imagine kiryu and tachibana having a nice date night with no people trying to kill them all the time? also yes. i love this song.

ii. stay with me/mayonaka no door - miki matsuraba “you in your gray jacket with that oh-so-familiar coffee stain just as you always are the two of us reflect in the window display stay with me knocking on midnight's door i beg you not to go home tonight” (translated lyrics) is anyone not obsessed with this song lately? this is the only song here i’m blaming tiktok for making me listen to it lol. in any way, this song is deceptive because it sounds really happy but is actually quite melancholic. i thought it fit their relationship well, and it seemed like a good addition to the playlist with it’s 80′s city pop vibes.

iii. on melancholy hill - gorillaz (covered by matt forbes) “just looking out on the day of another dream where you can't get what you want, but you can get me so let's set out to sea, love 'cause you are my medicine when you're close to me" this is a gorillaz song but i went with this cover because it fit the feeling of the playlist a little better. another song that i just love very deeply and i thought fit the sentiment of kiryu being like “hey i know we have Big problems and you’re very sad in the moment but i’m here for you” iv. (i love you) for sentimental reasons - nat king cole "i think of you every morning dream of you every night darling, i'm never lonely whenever you are in sight" surprisingly, not one that my sister recommended, but one i found for myself while looking for quiet  romantic songs. i feel like this is tachibana's reply to kiryu being there for him and helping him. plus, idk i just wanted to imagine them slow dancing to this. v. positions - ariana grande (covered by travis atreo) "perfect, perfect you're too good to be true but I get tired of runnin', fuck it now, i’m runnin' with you" i picked this cover because i felt like using ariana's one would be a little goofy for this section lmao, but i really like this song and how it's about commitment and doing everything to make a relationship work. i just wanted to throw some sexy vibes before this playlist delved into depressing stuff. also if you telling me tachibana wouldn't absolute body a tiktok set to this song you're lying to yourself. (section 3: oh no this is getting sad) i. forever - labrinth "i'll live forever" i love everything labrinth makes, the euphoria soundtrack lives in my mind rent free and this is my favorite one. this barely has any lyrics so, again, mostly a track i picked for its intrumentals and feeling overall. mostly preparing you for the sad stuff ahead. ii. hong kong - gorillaz "you swallow me i'm a pill on your tongue here on the nineteenth floor the neon lights make me calm" this is my favorite gorillaz song, by FAR, and i think it's introspective vibe really fits tachibana's character. not really a song about relationship but i really wanted to include it because it's just such a GORGEOUS song. iii. fragments - severon another instrumental track! this one i stole from a playlist my sister made for a fic i wrote last year. again. sad vibes. iv. sign of the times - harry styles (covered by LANY) "remember everything will be alright we can meet again somewhere somewhere far away from here" i loved the synth-y vibe this cover had, while still keeping this song's sad "our lives are dangerous and i'm about to die" vibes. i mostly wanted to evoke the vibe from the scene where tachibana agrees to go with lao gui after kiryu gets shot. just really sad all around. v. so close - jon mclaughlin "we're so close to reaching that famous happy end almost believing this one's not pretend let's go on dreaming though we know we are so close, so close, and still so far" me? picking a song from disney's enchanted??? for a playlist??? it's more likely than you think. idk this song just gives me that vibe of being so close to being happy and together, almost reminiscing and wondering what could have been. but it just... won't happen. vi. as the world caves in - matt maltese "yes, it's you i welcome death with as the world, as the world caves in" oops, yes, i had to go there. just couldn't resist including this song, and i feel like it's really self-explanatory. vii. places we won't walk - bruno major "neon lights shine bold and bright buildings grow to dizzy heights people come alive at night in places we won't walk" again, i feel like this song speaks for itself. a bit of a meditation on kiryu's perspective on things that could have happened, things they would have done, that kiryu will just have to do alone from now on. viii. carry me out - mitski "i drive when it rains at night, when it rains, i drive and the headlight spirits they lead me down the styx so black it shines and carry me out carry me out"

possibly the saddest and the most powerful song in this playlist, because i just had to put a mitski song again. the image of kiryu carrying tachibana's body is just constantly in my mind when i listen to this, but i could also see this song being from the perspective of tachibana's spirit. ix. arms tonite - mother mother "i died in your arms tonight i slipped through into the afterlife it was nice" lmao this felt a bit like a cruel joke to include, but i didn't want this playlist to end TOO depressingly. it's a nod to tachibana dying in kiryu's arms, sure, but also it's romantic and possibly a little hopeful (tachibana lives au!!! orpheus and eurydice au!!! fuck it, idk!!)  xi. everybody wants to rule the world - tears for fears "there's a room where the light won't find you holding hands while the walls come tumbling down when they do, i'll be right behind you so glad we've almost made it so sad they had to fade it everybody wants to rule the world" not a recommendation from my sister, but it is her favorite song, and she was happy that i included it. another 80's bop with sad lyrics! i feel like this is a lovely summary of their story together and it feels like a nice little bow to wrap up the playlist.  i hope you enjoyed my long ass explanations! i might add songs later (or make an entire second playlist altogether for the fic i'm writing rn, but let's not get ahead of ourselves)

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Sweet Pea//you’re too hard to forget

Request: Hey!! Love your writing! Are you able to write a song imagine for the song lie to me by 5sos and Julia Michaels.. for reader x sweet pea when they broke up and seeing other people but still think of each other? Thankyou!! 🧡

hey! i looooove this song and i loved writing this! also it’s very angsty so be warned i hope you enjoy! 

Red Rose Hall is everything Toni and Cheryl hyped it up to be. High ceilings, bright white walls, soft gold decor, chandeliers, candlesticks that are definitely made out of solid gold and enough room in just the entrance to fit at least half of Riverdale’s population in. 

It seems half of Riverdale’s population is here tonight, as well as at least another 100 people that Sweet Pea has never met before. But what else does he expect from Cheryl and Toni. 

The invitation he’d received for their engagement would probably fit in as decor here, and he clutches it tightly as he walks through the large wooden doors. 

An older man in a suit offers him champagne and he takes it gratefully, suddenly feeling underdressed in the only suit he owns. He fiddles with his tie, trying to hide the ketchup stain that he can’t quite get out. 

“This is amazing.” A voice says in awe and suddenly he remembers that he isn’t here alone. “And this is just their engagement party?” Cece asks, her dark hair falling straight down her back and over her pale blue dress. 

“Er-yeah.” He says, handing her a glass of champagne. “Cheryl is very...out there.”

“You’re telling me.” She laughs and takes a sip. “Holy shit, is that an ice sculpture?” Her eyes widen and Sweet Pea follows her gaze until they’re both staring at a huge sculpture of Cheryl and Toni.

“That is-”

“Wonderful!” Cheryl’s cheery voice makes both Sweet Pea and Cece jump before turning around to face her. Toni stands beside her, and her and Sweet Pea share a look. 

It’s been well over a year since they last saw each other, but they don’t even have to say anything to know what the other is thinking. 

“Yes. Thats what I was just about to say.” Sweet Pea says, glancing quickly at Toni who stifles a laugh. “How are you Cheryl?” 

“Fantastic.” She replies. “Me and my future wife to be have been enjoying engaged life.” 

“You don’t need to tell us about that.” He interrupts and Cheryl hits his arm, sending him a sharp glare. 

“Not like that...but thats been great too.” She smirks and nudges Toni. “Are you going to introduce us?” She asks, staring straight at Cece. 

Sweet Pea sighs and braces himself for the grilling he’s going to get. Toni won’t be as bad, but Cheryl was more your friend than his, and now he’s brought a new woman, he’s definitely going to have to watch his back. 

Speaking of you, he wonders if you’re here. Of course you are. You’d never miss this, but the room is so big and he feels so small compared to it. He used to always be able to find you in a room, it was a secret talent of his, or maybe it was you just drawing him to yourself constantly. Tonight however, he can’t see you anywhere and he doesn’t know if thats a good or bad thing. 

“This is Cece.” He says and gestures to the woman holding onto his arm. She waves awkwardly at Toni and Cheryl and they both smile back at her. Cheryl’s is a lot faker than Toni’s but thankfully she doesn’t notice. “Cece, this is Toni and Cheryl.” 

“It’s really nice to meet you both.” Cece replies, a sweet smile on her face. It’s no where near yours, but that’s what Sweet Pea likes about her. She’s the complete opposite of you and thats just what he needs. “And congratulations.” 

“Thank you.” Toni says sincerely. 

“Yeah. Thank you.” Cheryl adds. “It was lovely seeing you again Sweet Pea, and nice meeting you Cece. But there’s lots of people here and we need to talk to everyone. You can put your gift on that table over there.” 

“We didn’t bring anythi-” 

“Money is fine.” She cuts him off, calling over her shoulder. 

“Sorry.” Toni mumbles before following Cheryl. 

Despite Cheryl’s grating personality, it’s nice to know not everything has changed since the last time he saw everyone. Cheryl is still as rude as ever, Toni still apologizes for her and they’re both still very extra. 

“Do they really need anymore presents?” Cece asks and points to the large table in the corner of the room. Its stacked full of gift bags and huge boxes and Sweet Pea’s eye widen at the sheer amount of stuff they probably already have. 

His eyes scan the room, looking out for anyone else he knows. Hopefully Fangs is around somewhere and three of them can sit at a table near the back until it’s acceptable to go to the very expensive rooms they’ve been forced into paying for and staying in tonight.  

He does find Fangs, standing with a grin on his face and two champagne glasses in hand as he talks to a guy with curly brown hair, glasses and a suit that looks like Sweet Pea pulled his out of the trash. 

His eyebrows furrow in confusion, he doesn’t remember Fangs mentioning a new boyfriend the last time they text. But when he looks at the guy properly, he notices he’s also holding two champagne glasses and now he’s even more confused. 

That is until he see’s you, approaching the pair of them with another girl walking beside you. You both stop the conversation you’re having to greet Fangs and the mystery guy and they hand each of you a champagne glass. 

The other girl stands beside Fangs and he quickly realizes its Jade from  school, he then chuckles quietly to himself, momentarily forgetting about you and whoever he is, because can you imagine Jade and Fangs together? They are definitely not each others type. 

His smile disappears however once he see’s you reach up and press a kiss to mystery guy’s cheek. 

You brought someone else. 

Okay, so did he, but that’s beside the point. 

You look good, but different. It’s been a year since you saw each other so he’s not surprised you’ve changed, he’s just surprised by how much. 

You look like a completely new person. Like you changed over night. Your hair is longer, your makeup and style different and you look confident. A lot more confident that the last time he say you. You still capture an entire room when you walk into it, but now its like you know you’re doing it. 

He feels frozen, everything about you is so different, yet it feels so familiar to him and he can’t stop looking at you. Even when you throw your head back in laughter at something Fangs has said and when you look around, acutely aware that someone is watching you. Even when you notice him looking at you from across the room, Sweet Pea still doesn’t look away. 

You send him a polite smile before turning your attention back to your new boyfriend. Sweet Pea continues to watch, hoping that you’ll glance at him again, but you don’t. You don’t even attempt to look at him again and he feels his heart sink. 

“Sweet Pea? Are you okay?” Cece asks, pulling him from his thoughts and his heart sinks even further at Cece’s worried expressions. He doesn’t deserve her and neither did you, which is why you’re both here with other people instead of each other. 

At least you look happy. Or at least you’re trying to. Your smile reaches your eyes, but it doesn’t make them light up like it used to. He wonders if he did that to you or if its because of the new guy you’re with. He hopes it wasn’t him, but he can’t shake the gut feeling that it was. 

“Yeah.” He nods, finally dragging his eyes away from your figure. They settle on Cece and she smiles at him warmly, but he can tell she noticed. There’s just a hint of disappointment resting behind her eyes. “I’m fine. Do you want to find our table?” He asks, wanting any excuse to get away from you and him. 

“Yeah okay.” She replies and grabs his hand, weaving him through the mass of people. 

He sits down, the gold chairs with large white cushions on them help him sink further into the depression he’s already falling into, purely because he knows the chairs alone probably cost more than his rent last month. 

He tries so hard to loose himself in having a good time with Cece, but he just can’t. He looks at her but ends up looking straight through her and back at you again. As Cece takes in the the small details of the large hall, Sweet Pea takes in the smaller details of you. 

You stand a little differently that how you did a year ago. Maybe its because whoever your new boyfriend is closer to your height than he is Sweet Pea’s, or maybe its the new found confidence you seem to have since Sweet Pea left. 

This time two years ago, both of you were staying in Cheryl and Toni’s New York apartment. It was a welcomed break from the busy jobs you were both desperately trying to hold down in order to keep your flat. 

You’d only been in New York for 2 days, but it was the best 2 days of your life. Toni and Cheryl had showed you around the city, the four of you doing some sightseeing and just enjoying seeing each other again. 

But just before going to bed on the second night, Sweet Pea got a phone call from his work saying they needed him in tomorrow morning, despite the fact he’d booked the week off. 

You’d only just managed to go to sleep, finding it difficult due to the loud roads and bright lights outside. You may have also moved to a busy city, but it was no where near as busy as New York, and so Sweet Pea tried desperately to pack as quietly as possible. 

You still woke up though, either sensing the empty space beside you or hearing the large thud of Sweet Pea tripping over his suitcase in the dark. You’d asked what he was doing and he felt so bad as he told you he had to go home. 

You were of course disappointed and his heart ached at the sight of you trying to hide it. He said you could stay and spend the rest of the week with Toni and Cheryl, but by the time he finished his sentence and multiple apologies you’d already changed your flights and were starting to pack. 

“We stay together remember.” You’d whispered in his ear on the plane. You then lay your head on his shoulder and even though he was tired and pissed beyond belief at his boss, he knew he’s got it right. You were definitely the one. 

Or at least thats what he thought. 

“Holy shit! Pea. I didn’t know you were coming to this!” Fangs is more than excited to see his best friend. He practically jumps on him and it causes Sweet Pea told jolt out of his thoughts at the weight of his friend embracing him. 

He returns the hug, a little too late but Fangs doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too busy introducing himself to Cece. She smiles in surprise at the energy of the stranger stood in front of her, but she shakes his hand anyway and introduces herself. 

“Don’t mind him. He’s had far too many ‘choni’ cocktails.” A voice deadpans from beside him and he sends the girl it came from a glare. “Hi Sweet Pea.” She waves at the tall serpent and he sends her a smile in return. 

“Hey Jade. How are you?” 

“Not good. I’ve been put on Fangs babysitting duty.” She huffs and takes a seat opposite the couple. Cece looks at Sweet Pea hesitantly before looking at the purple haired girl opposite her. 

“So how long have you and Fangs been together?” She asks in a small voice, but its met with loud laughter from Fangs, Jade and even Sweet Pea. 

“Babe, they’re not a couple.” Sweet Pea forces through laughter. 

“Well how am I supposed to know that. It’s not like you tell me anything about your friends.” She replies through a gritted smile and Jade and Fangs share an uncomfortable look. 

Sweet Pea coughs and stares at the napkin on the table, his finger traces the pattern gently and the four of them wait for something to change the sudden dull mood. 

A distraction comes, but it’s not a welcome one and Sweet Pea thinks he’d much rather snide comments from his girlfriend than whatever this is. 

“Hi guys.” You smile and wave at the small group. Your boyfriend stands behind you with a hand on your hip. He pushes his glasses up his nose before quickly moving to pull your seat out for you. You smile and sit beside Jade, giving her and Fangs a warm smile. Your boyfriend, who Sweet Pea still doesn’t know the name of sits on the other side of you, and he decides he doesn’t want to know the name of him. 

“Ryan, have you had one of these?” Fangs asks, trying his hardest to break the now awful atmosphere surrounding your table. It only makes it worse, because Sweet Pea knows his name and he hates it. 

Cece stares down at the silver bracelet dangling around her wrist, she plays with the charms and tries her hardest to will away the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Sweet Pea seethes silently, glancing between the table, you and Ryan every so often. Fangs gulps, and plays with his hands, trying desperately to help his friend but nothing comes to mind. 

Jade sits back in her seat, sipping on her drink to try and hide a smile as she watches everyone silently. You sit awkwardly, your chin resting in your hand while you think of how to get out of this situation, and Ryan sits beside you, holding your free hand under the table and glancing at Sweet Pea nervously every so often. 

“No, I-er I haven’t no.” He shakes his head, gaining the attention and eyes of the five of you. 

“Good.” Jade replies. “They suck.” 

“How dare you.” Fangs glares at the girl but she just looks at him bored. 

“I’m sorry but if you name a drink after your ‘ship’ name, it automatically sucks. It could be the best tasting thing in the world, but as soon as its got a stupid name, it sucks.” She replies making Fangs huff. You and Sweet Pea stifle laughs at her sudden outburst and the two of you make brief eye contact before the moment is gone. 

“You’re so fun at parties. Did you know that?” 

“I did. Thats why I was your plus one.” 

“You were my plus one because we both got dumped right before thi-” He stops himself mid-sentence but the damage is done. You force yourself to look at Sweet Pea and are surprised to see he’s already looking back at you. 

“Well that got awkward fast.” Jade says, taking another long sip from her drink. “I’m getting another one. Anyone want to come with?” 

“I will.” You and Sweet Pea stand at the same time. 

“Its fine you go.” You say and sit down again. 

“No, no. You go.” He replies, also sitting back down. 

“Are you sure?” You ask. 

He nods quickly before starting a conversation with Cece. Cece talks about how pretty your outfit is and he nods along, not really paying attention. 

The only thing he can think of is you. 

And how he wishes the two of you never met. 

The thought makes something twist in his gut, but it’s true. When you met, he remembers thinking how lucky he was to have been in the right place at the right time. He knew he’d never forget you from the moment you met. And he was right. You are too hard to forget, no matter how bad he wants to. 

It doesn’t help when there’s little reminders of you no matter where he goes. A certain smell reminds of of your perfume, a certain taste and he’s taken back to your first date eating Pop’s takeout in the parking lot because there wasn’t enough seats inside. 

When you left, he tried to erase every part of you. Every trace of you was taken from the apartment you’d shared. He was angry at you of course, you’d argued and shouted just as much as he did, but he was more angry at himself for letting you go. 

He’d cleaned the shattered glass from the floor, caused by you slamming the door a mere five minutes earlier, and he learnt later that you’d gone to a co-workers house for ‘support’ and ended up in his bed. 

He knows you don’t love him anymore. Why would you? He said some of the worst things anybody had ever said to you, kicked you out of your home and ignored you for a year after. But he hopes if he asked, you’d lie to him. ----

It’s 3am and you’re still awake. The last of the guests have only just gone to bed and you can hear them stumbling and giggling as they pass your room. 

The moonlight streams in through a gap in the dark curtain and it casts a soft glow over Ryan’s bare chest and face. His lips are parted and soft snores echo around the room making you feel even more alone. 

You pull your legs up to your chest and wrap your arms around yourself, resting your head on your knees. 

Ryan had pressed gentle kisses up and down your neck while the two of you slow danced, his hands had wandered along your body and he’d whispered words in your ears that made you blush and look around, making sure no one else was looking. 

Nobody was, not even Sweet Pea and you felt a familiar twang of disappointment at that. But nonetheless, you said your goodbye’s to your friends, thanked Cheryl and Toni for the invite and told them congratulations for probably the fourth night, before Ryan had you pinned against the elevator wall, kissing you like his life depended on it. 

Now you sit awake, to busy thinking about Sweet Pea holding onto somebody else the way he used to. Sweet Pea could always sense if you were awake, it was like a weird gift he had. If you couldn’t sleep, he knew. And he would pull you tight to his chest and stroke your hair gently while whispering nonsense in your ear. 

Ryan sleeps through anything, which means you’ve spent a lot of lonely nights looking up at the moon. It’s seems the two of you are friends now, but tonight she’s taunting you and you sigh deeply. 

This was supposed to be a happy occasion, a chance to see all your friends again. But you feel anything but happiness. 

Your mind wanders to last year, and the way you stared at the moon back then. Only it didn’t end with tight cuddles and sweet whispers. It ended in a fight, a break up and the biggest mistake of your life. You walking out and giving up on you and Sweet Pea forever. 

You were thinking about New York, and how you should go go back sometime when Sweet Pea stirred beside you, asking the same sleepy question of ‘are you okay?’ 

‘Yeah’ you’d replied, settling into his arms and letting your eyes flutter closed. ‘Just thinking about when we could go back to New York.’ 

You honestly hadn’t meant anything more of it. Literally just wondering if you had any weeks off. But Sweet Pea was tired and stressed and took it as an attack. You tried to tell him you didn’t mean it like that, but he wasn’t listening and so you gave up trying to reason with him. 

You fought, cried and then you stormed out, not bothering to look back. 

You ran, even though it was right. 

You have a deep need to do it again. The rooms seems to be slowly suffocating you and you need to get out asap. You grab your dressing gown and slip some shoes over your feet before slipping out the door and into the dimly lit corridor.  It’s a welcome quiet to the thoughts screaming in your head and you take a moment to take in the beauty of the place. It might only be a corridor, but it’s a damn pretty one. 

With no destination in mind, you start to wander around the large hall. Eventually settling on a window seat right in the corner of the building. It looks out into the garden and the moonlight casts it in a fairytale like glow. It looks magical and you feel yourself calm down a little. Your heart rate goes back to normal and your breathing slows. Thats until you feel a presence beside you and the cushion your sat on dips as another joins you. 

Pulling your gaze away from the window, they settle on a pajama clad Sweet Pea and your expressions softens.  

“What do you want Pea?” You ask, the easiness of the nickname surprises the both of you. 

“I woke up a while ago and couldn’t get back to sleep. I figured you were awake somewhere.” He shrugs, leaning his back against the window and you watch a shiver crawl up his spine at the cold. 

“How do you know I wouldn’t be in my room?” You ask, turning your attention back to the sky. 

“I dunno.” He shrugs. “But I remember after a while, if you couldn’t sleep you used to get up and wander.” 

“Oh.” You say quietly and look back at him. “I never did that with you.” 

“You did. Once when we first got together.” He replies. 

“I don’t remember.” 

“I do.” He shrugs. “Why do you think I used to wake up? I didn’t want you wandering the streets at night.” 

“Thank you.” You say sincerely, looking him in the eye. He clears his throat and looks away. 

“Its whatever.” 

“Its not whatever Sweet Pea.” You say making him look at you. “Its really sweet.” He looks away as soon as you make eye contact and the two of you are left to sit in silence. 

“Do you ever wish we never met?” You ask and he quickly looks at you. 

“I er-” He stutters, unsure of what to say. Because he does, but even now he doesn’t want to hurt you. 

“I do.” You reply and he feels himself shatter. The whole illusion that he’d built you up to be, what you’d be doing now that you’re no longer in his life has been broken. 

“Thanks.” He huffs and crosses his arms over his chest. A small pout makes its way to his lips and you roll your eyes at the sight of it. 

“Don’t tell me you don’t feel the same.” You argue. “I saw the way you looked at me before. There was more regret in your eyes than there was when Fangs ate all of those out of date pies.” 

“That was funny though.” Sweet Pea chuckles. 

“Yeah.” You join in. “Up until the hospital visit.” You add and the two of you frown. 

“You’re impossible to forget you know Sweet Pea.” You say out of nowhere and his eyebrows raise. 

“You too Y/n.” He replies, sadness lacing his tone and the two of you both stare out into the garden. 

“But I have to.” You stand suddenly and he looks at you confused. 

“What?” 

“We have to try and forget each other.” 

“Y/n, our best friends are getting married. I’m the best man and you’re maid of honour. We’re always going to be in each other’s life. It’s going to be pretty impossible to forget each other.” 

“Well, maybe if someone hadn’t have dumped me for no reason then we wouldn’t have to do all this awkward shit.” You snap, a years worth of feeling bubbling up to the surface. 

You’ve had enough. He did this, he started it and now he doesn’t want to end it. 

“Excuse me?” Sweet Pea asks, his voice raising as he also stands. “You’re the one that walked out.” 

“Because you told me to! Whatever Sweet Pea. I’ll see you around.” You huff and storm off into the dark hallway. “And so hi to Cece for me.” 

“Only if you say hi to Ryan for me.” He calls angrily after you. 

He watches you walk away and curses himself for letting you do that again. 

“Babe? Where have you been?” Ryan’s voice is groggy as he turns his head to face you. 

“Do you love me?” You ask suddenly and slip into bed beside him. The moonlight still shines in through the curtains, but the glow it casts into the room is cold. 

You know he doesn’t, he knows he doesn’t, but it doesn’t matter. You’d rather a sweet lie than a bitter reality. So he takes a deep breath, his hair falls into his face but you don’t bother moving it, not wanting to ruin the fabricated moment you’re desperately trying to believe in. 

“I do, yeah.”

[dykemetaldeath]

Ur local dyke ranting abt the megistune MV and lives

( this is just my uncalled for dykey westerners analysis lol )

so it’s abt performing femininity!!!!

Let’s look at the lyrics first! ( these are from genius so take with a kitsune horn of salt)

Dressed-up Miss Fox

[Check it! Cheer up! Check it! Cheer up!

Women are expected to present in a dressed up way pertaining to gender roles

The lines check it !cheer up! Speak to women pushing emotions down, having to check it so they stay Neutral outwardly and cheer up.

“Let her show her various aspects!”

This is pretty straightforward and sweet I really like how blunt they are abt the notion of one demensional women are pushed my main stream society and media

“You dance in the transient dream

Getting over thousands years

You live today”

Generational traumas or expectations passed down and spoon fed, alternatively this can be a more positive wall of strength saying like we are all her together.

“Ah, it's right. Always women are actresses

We're not foxes, not deceiving”

First line is pretty self explanatory and speaks of the whole song really but I want to touch on the not deceiving line since on my opinions cishet women have been known to be called deceiving ie through makeup, dress or friendship with shitheaded men.

“"It's right", we never show our tears” speaks more to the actress motif and that women must be a cheery creature. This sentiment of actress and pushing down ones emotions can also strongly serve for a critique of the idol industry in which all of the BM girls grew up in.

“Ah, blooming and falling is the fate for a woman” this shows the use by date On women forced globally, it can be seen also strongly in the idol industry again where typically the age range for popular mainstream idols is 16-24.

The costumes!!

Although the costumes are incredibly beautiful in the MV as a white westerner I don’t feel I can speak much on the analysis of these garments! They are so so beautiful though!!

The masks further this idea of masking ones true emotions acting as a physical mask hiding the girls faces.

This can be seen in the MV and arguably in lives , we see the girls in the opening shots of the MV with masks covering their faces portraying a serious stoic person yet later we see their masks literally drop to reveal bubbly playful young girls! Metaphors babeeyyyyy!!!

Choreography

Most of this section of analysis is pretty obvious with the moves mimicking makeup application. At festivals ( I’m reframing Glastonbury 2019 specifically) their entrance into the song is masked and bowing in a formal and polite way showing traditional femininity and angering to expectations and roles.

They turn away from the crowd and drop their masks , letting us into their true selves and feelings.However I believe there can be further analysis of specific moves. And by the end the masks ( in the form of their hands) are back up, they are back to performing femininity for Society and the male gaze( it’s also just a great pose to end on lol looks amazing)

The masks ofc are an adorable prop used in the dance and are all around just perfect for the song!!

How this is a pretentious reach but the signature move of megistune with crossing the arms followed my a throwing action can speak to the building and indoctrination of femininity ( the arms brining up to cross over the chest ) and the throwing motion is the rejection of this ! ( ugh I know a reach but still fun to think abt haha )

(While I’m watching this gladstonbury performance oh my god!! Moas mic is so fucking loooowwww ok convinced koba has it out for my GIRL😤)

The references to needing to be a poised women really hit when Moa pushed her chin up with her hand like she looks like a goddess while doing it but hey this is an analysis not a gay rant!!( It’s both, it’s always both)

( side note! I LOOOOOVE in the bridge when the girls can just let go and have fun like riho just looks like she’s having so much fun on stage and ofc Moa and su’ s lil mask rendezvous always get me 🥺)

Ok back to the MV analysis

The shot where su is looking down to at the mask abt to put it on HITS bc she actively choosing and making her self put that femininity mask onnnnnn

The girls say the BM started as a way to get younger women into the metal scene ( probs bit 100% tru bc money hungry koba but still) and that their songs are written so young women like themselves can relate to them and as a nonbinary she they mother fucker I heavily relate to the idea of constructed femininity it’s such an amazing song!!

Most of this was and I’d probaly Very obvious and intentional but! I still felt like ranting! Am I saying most of my analysis was reaching and looking too deep and koba defs didn’t intend on it bc cmon he’s koba 🙄

Last note abt this but I recently realised that in the MV yui and Moa are little spirits of sprites of the location and Moa is the human girl or just not a sprite like the other two!! Coolllll!!!

[bigheartedsky]

Voices

Pairings: Savior!Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Fluff (with some Angst); one shot

Word Count: 4k+

Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault; Read at your own risk!

Summary: You and your co-workers went out for a karaoke night after a very stressful week of work. Everything was fine until your boss got too drunk again, resulting in you running away from him and trying to hide in another karaoke room. But that room wasn’t as empty as you thought it would be.

a/n: here you have another one shot! I don’t know how long I’ll be able to write frequently so enjoy it while it lasts lol. This one is specifically for a friend of mine that loooooves JK to death. Have fun reading!

Masterlist

„Come on, Y/N. Raise your glass!” your co-worker prompted you. You smiled at him, but everyone that knew you well would’ve been able to tell right away that you were highly uncomfortable. Still, you rose your glass and cheered together with everyone to the end of a really busy day at work.

“Going to a karaoke room after work was the most genius idea you had all week, Jieun! After all that work, we had to do to meet the deadlines this is the best thing!” this time, it was your boss speaking. He was already pretty drunk. There was no resemblance anymore to the usually strict leader of your office. You hated it when he got like that, so you sat as far away from him as possible.

“Who wants to sing next? Boss?” Jieun asked after bowing to their boss for complimenting her, but you could see that she was hurt by him saying it was the most genius idea she had all week. She was a smart girl, and it made you angry to see her not get the credit she deserved. But your boss has always been like that.

“No, you don’t want to hear me. Trust me.” He laughed and started to stare in your direction. “But how about Y/N? We haven’t heard you sing yet.” He grinned. Oh, how you hated that grin. It made you remember the last times you saw this grin which never ended well.

“I would really prefer not to…” you said quietly – too shy to speak up loud enough for him to hear.

“What did you say?” he asked loudly. “She said no.” Jieun answered sternly for you, and you were so glad she chose to come along instead of going out with her boyfriend that night like she originally intended to do. You looked at her and mouthed Thank You as soon as she looked at you. She nodded back with a smile saying, You can count on me. Before taking the attention off you by asking another co-worker energetically to sing instead and making everyone cheer for him to do it.

As the evening went on, everyone kept getting up and sang their hearts out, making you end in the position of sitting right next to your drunk boss. He stared at you every moment he thought he wasn’t watched by others, but you always noticed. You were tense, not knowing how to get out of this situation without seeming odd or rude. Suddenly his hand was on your thigh. You immediately froze while his hand made its way up your thigh stroking you through your black trousers. Your stomach started twisting itself into a tight knot, making you feel sick. In a flash, you were up on your feet. He looked at you confused until you just mumbled:

“I have to use the restroom…” and you were out of the room. Walking down the hallway everything turned around you. Pictures of the last time he tried this on you flashed before your eyes. Your heart was beating rapidly, mind going all fuzzy when you felt someone hugging you from behind. It was him. You knew immediately it was him because only he could make all your insides scream in horror like this.

“If you wanted us to have some private time you could’ve just said so…” he told you, amused by the thought of you being all shy about it. You fought against his grip.

“N-No. I didn’t- I really need to go to the bathroom!” you exclaimed quietly, but his grip tightened.

“Please let me-“

Panic took over your body when you suddenly found yourself getting out of his grip and slapping him right across his face.

“-GO!” shocked at your own actions you took a step back. Your boss put his hand on the spot you hit, looking at you provoked.

“Oh Y/N. That wasn’t the smartest thing you could’ve done just then.”

He took a step closer to you and you just started to run down the hallway. He yelled your name, but you just raced around the corner and went into the first opened karaoke room you could find. You stood, leaning against the door and looking through the small window next to it until you were sure he wasn’t following you anymore. Your whole body was shaking.

Only after finally feeling safe you noticed that the room actually wasn’t empty. In fact, you just ran in on someone singing in the most beautiful way you’ve ever heard. His voice was so soft it immediately made you calm down on the spot. You lost yourself in his interpretation of Who by Lauv completely, not even noticing how you took some steps in his direction.

“Can I help you?” a confused voice asked you.

When did the song end?

At the other side of the coffee table in the room, sitting on the couch was a quite handsome feller as far as you could tell in this dim light. He looked at you confused in the most innocent and pure way someone ever looked at you. It somewhat reminded you of your bunny you had when you were little. Making yourself recall that he just asked you a question, you jolted out of your thoughts.

“Oh- I- I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to intrude like that. I really don’t usually do this.. uhm.. I…” remembering why you were in this room made you shiver all over again. You started to rub your arms, looking down embarrassed. His confused look eased into a worried expression.

“I needed a place to hide…” you said quietly. He just nodded slowly, feeling immediately how hard it was for you to talk about it. A warm smile spread on his face when he extended his hand with a microphone in it to you.

“Do you sing?” he asked.

“I uhm…” you looked at the microphone, unsure of what to answer before looking at him.

“Sing with me!” he grinned happily. “I wanted to sing a duet with a girl for a while now. I’ll hide you and you sing with me. Deal?”

“Well, I-“ you wanted to turn him down, but one look into his dark marble eyes somehow made all your worries melt away.

“What the hell, why not.” Smiling, you took the microphone, and sat down shyly on the couch across from him. He flipped through the songs, asking you every time he found one, if you knew it or not. Finally, he decided on going with Lovely by Billie Eilish and Khalid. You knew that the female part in this duet came first and with every note passing your nerves got worse. He noticed how nervous you were, and just when he wanted to tell you that you don’t have to force yourself to do anything, and that he would still help you, you started singing.

He was completely spellbound by your voice. The part where he was supposed to step in with your singing started, but he was too stunned to notice anything. Confused, you finally looked up and met his eyes. He looked at you open-mouthed, suddenly realizing that he was staring at you, and finally starting to sing with you. You felt heat rushing to your cheeks. Glad that the light was too dim to see how red your face was, a smile started spreading on your face. Your heart started beating faster but this time it was completely different from when your boss had touched you. With every tone you sang, your confidence climbed until you were at a point where you simply enjoyed the way your voice harmonized with his. It sounded like heaven. You never wanted this moment to stop.

But every song has an end, and so you both looked at each other, smiling shyly once the song was over. He was radiating with happiness. You could swear that there was a visible glow to him. It was infectious.

“What?” you asked, smiling like an idiot.

“Nothing. Just, your voice is really beautiful.” He replied, looking away.

Is he blushing?

You for sure were.

“Thank you. Yours is too! I was completely stunned by your voice when I came in. I even forgot about-…” remembering why you even ended up here, you stopped yourself from talking any further. It seemed so far away now that it seemed like a nightmare you woke up from.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but can I ask you what happened?” he made that request in the most careful way possible. You were thankful to him for caring so much about a stranger like you. Thinking about how to translate what happened into words the right way.

“Where to start…?” you laughed sadly, looking around the room.

“How about the beginning?” he smiled sweetly at you. It made your heart melt immediately, making you relaxed enough to find the right words.

“I started working as a writer at a new company about a year ago. I always wanted to become a writer so finally being able to write for my living was an amazing feeling. But after a while, I started to notice how my boss was treating me differently from the others. At first, he just made me stay longer than the others, claiming because I was a newbie, I had to work extra hard.” You took a deep breath. The boy looked at you with compassion in his eyes.

“Then he started to search for excuses to touch me. At first it was just a slight tap on my shoulder, or my hand, but it all got worse after our first work dinner. He got really drunk and started to touch me and I-“ you looked down, tears stinging in your eyes.

“I-I don’t know what would’ve happened if Jieun hadn’t seen. She pulled me away from him and brought me home. Today she also tried to save me from him, but he tried again when she wasn’t looking, and I wanted to run from him so I excused myself to the bathroom. But he-“ you choked down a sob.

“He followed me, thinking I invited him to come with me. A-and when he grabbed me, I just panicked. I slapped him. I got scared so I just ran into the first room I found. I’m sorry-” Tears were now running down your face. You wiped them away every time in a weak attempt of hiding them but it was no use. The boy across from you stood up and started hugging you comfortingly.

“My hyung once told me that if a girl cries sometimes the best thing to do is just to hug her and listen to what she wants to tell you. I wanted to listen to you so please don’t apologize for crying.”

You hugged him back shyly, grabbing his black bomber jacket. He let you cry in his arms until you calmed down. When he noticed that you weren’t crying as hard anymore, he slowly let go of you to instead squat in front of you.

“This guy is the worst scum on earth. You shouldn’t have to work for a guy like him.” He told you wholeheartedly. You smiled a little bit at that, looking down on your lap.

“I don’t have a choice if I want to stay a writer. He knows a lot of people in this business and if I quit, I’m scared I’ll never have a chance anywhere else.” He pursed his lips, thinking about what you just said, and then it came to him. You looked up when he suddenly got up to go grab his backpack. Going through his stuff, he dug out a business card that looked fairly damaged already – as if he was carrying it with him everywhere. You looked at him confused when he smiled the cutest smile – strangely reminding you of a bunny rabbit a lot - satisfied with what he found. He walked back to you, giving the card to you as soon as he crouched down in front of you again.

“This is the card of the CEO of my company. We can always use good, creative writers and I can put in a good word for you. Ah, wait.” he took the card again, turning away from you to now kneel in front of the coffee table. You looked over his shoulder curiously while he wrote something down on the back of the card.

[Jeon Jungkook

           +82 36 XXXX YYYY]

“If you have any problems with all this, you can always call me. Even if you just need a duet partner.” He smiled at you with this cute bunny-like smile again, blushing slightly. You just had to smile and laugh a little at that.

“I’ll definitely take that offer. Thank you, Jungkook.” It was the most genuine “thank you” you ever said to someone. He scratched his neck, looking down when you both flinched at the sound of the door opening with force. The eyes of both of you immediately shot to the door. Your boss was standing in the door with another co-worker.

“Here you are. We’ve been looking all over for you. Jieun is worried sick!” your co-worker told you.

“S-Sorry.” You answered quietly. Your whole behavior changed 180, making it clear to Jungkook that the man you feared so much just appeared. He stood up defensively, looking at the guys, but smiling a polite smile at both of the men. He didn’t know which one was the cause of your fear but he didn’t care. It wasn’t like he was about to punch that guy in the face or anything as soon as he knew which one.

“It’s my fault. We met coincidentally and kinda lost track of the time.” he said in the most civil way possible, but you could see by the way his right hand, that was hidden in the pocket of his bomber jacket, clenched how mad he actually was.

“And you are…?” your boss spoke up, making you jump slightly just hearing his voice. Jungkook noticed it and put two and two together immediately. He knew now which of these people was the one and looked at him - eyes completely cold while still carrying that same polite smile. Then he looked at you with faked confusion and back to your co-workers again.

“Oh, I’m really sorry. That’s right we haven’t met before.” Jungkook walked up to your boss and co-worker and held out his hand first to your co-worker.

“I’m her boyfriend. Nice to meet you, my name is Jeon Jungkook.” You looked just as shocked as your co-worker for a minute before quickly settling in this play Jungkook was creating here. He was helping you get out of this safely and you knew that immediately. No one could describe how grateful you were having met him on this day.

“Oh- Ohhh! So YOU’RE the lucky one that got our Y/N? Wow! And here I thought she didn’t have a boyfriend because she works all the time.” Your co-worker said, genuinely surprised but happy for you and shook Jungkook’s hand. “Take really good care of her for us okay?”

You smiled because of the request of your co-worker, who had been treating you like a little sister since day one, taking care of you in the company. But what really made you blush was Jungkook’s response.

“Don’t worry. I will. As long as I live, she has nothing to fear.” Jungkook said, first winking at you, and then looking right in the eyes of your boss, saying the last part of that sentence. You got goosebumps all over.

Why is my body reacting like that? It’s just an act but still this feels so real. Jungkook can really be scary. But why do I find all this so empowering?

“Ah... I’m glad to hear that.” Your boss replied, not even trying to hide his insincerity. He took Jungkook’s hand and you could tell that Jungkook was actually gripping his hand so hard it hurt him. Not wanting Jungkook to get hurt, provoking your boss any further, you stood up and gently pulled on his arm.

“If you don’t mind, I would like to go home now.” You said, feeling brave with Jungkook next to you all at once. He let go of your boss’ hand and looked at you in a loving way, quietly saying:

“I’ll take you home.” You just nodded, smiling and losing yourself in his eyes for a moment.

“Okay, I’ll tell everyone so don’t worry about it and just go enjoy yourself for once.” Your co-worker waved you goodbye with this, shortly followed by your very much displeased boss. Still holding onto Jungkook’s arm, you felt a shift in his behavior.

“Jungkook?” you could see his jaw clenching, and suddenly he went after your boss. “Jungkook!”

“Hey.” He said right behind your boss, tapping on his shoulder and right when he turned around, Jungkook punched him straight in his face. Your boss fell on the ground, holding his nose and cursing. You just stood there, completely shocked, but strangely satisfied. A new kind of confidence was rising in you. With Jungkook on your side right now you felt like you could do anything. Determined, you walked up to your boss. He looked at you, scooting back an inch, scared of what you’ll do. You looked at him and cocked your head to the side before reaching in your pocket.

“You got something on your suit there.” You told him, pulling a tissue out of your pocket and acting like you wanted to help him get the blood off his clothes, but instead you just grabbed his collar with one hand pulling him up a little.

“Don’t ever come near me, or any other female again, or I swear I’ll make your life a living hell. Got that?” he started nodding, frightened by the insanely cold look in your eyes. You stood up smiling and let him go, resulting in your boss bumping his head on the ground. You turned around finding  Jungkook standing there with a shit-eating grin on his face. You couldn’t help but start smiling too. He took your hand and started walking with you when you stopped in your tracks.

“I almost forgot.” You looked over your shoulder to see your boss still sitting on the ground, and your co-workers slowly walking out of the karaoke room, confused about what’s going on. You looked at Jieun for a moment, winking at her, and she smiled, crossing her arms in satisfaction.

“I’m quitting. Do your work yourself from now on.” You told your boss. He was infuriated.

“YOU CAN’T QUIT! YOU’RE FIRED, YOU LITTLE-“

“I’m outta here, too. Good luck on finding yourself a new chief editor.” Jieun stated, smiling at your boss sweetly and taking a step over him to get out. “Excuse me. I have a way better job proposal in waiting anyways.”

You couldn’t help but grin at Jieun who mouthed a WOW, good catch! at you motioning to Jungkook. A blush spread on your cheeks when Jungkook pulled you with him again.

“Come on, let’s get outta here.” He said, proud of how you handled the situation.

“Sure.”

A few days passed and you still couldn’t believe that all this actually happened. You called the CEO of Jungkook’s company the next day and Jungkook had held his promise in putting in a good word for you. They invited you to a job interview and you actually got to start working there the next day. Of course, you immediately called Jungkook, telling him the good news and thanking him for everything he’s done for you. You both started texting and calling almost every day, meeting up for karaoke nights, or just to watch movies all the time. Although you never talked about the whole boyfriend act he did ever again, somehow you had the feeling that your friendship wasn’t just that. You couldn’t hide your feelings for him, and had you been able to look at your relationship with him from an outside perspective, it would’ve been clear from the start - so did he.

But you were still surprised one evening when the display of your phone lit up with a message unusually serious from him.

[11:56PM]

[Hey Y/N. If you’re home, could you come out for a second? I really need to talk to you]

What’s this about? I thought he was going out with his friends tonight? Please don’t tell me something bad happened!

You put on your favorite cardigan over your PJs and rushed downstairs of your housing complex. Heart beating fast with worry, you came out the door fast enough to see Jungkook being pushed by his friends in the direction of your home. You could see him complaining and fighting with them while they just laughed at him and started hiding behind a wall as soon as they saw you. Jungkook complained to them, loud enough for you to hear, about forcing him to do it now. It made you smile while walking up behind him.

“Jungkook?” he jumped when he heard your voice so close behind him.

“Y/N!” he turned around, completely surprised. “Hey, uhm- I- You look nice! In…. your PJs.. god I’m so bad at this, sorry.” You bit your lip, trying to keep yourself from laughing when a voice called out from behind the wall his friends were hiding at.

“Just tell her already!”

“Oh, shut up!” Jungkook called back, obviously flustered. He looked back at you, scratching his neck embarrassed.

“I’m sorry. They sent you that message because they thought it would be funny to see me embarrassed in front of you.” The boy told you half-jokingly. A loving-happy smile spread on your face. You couldn’t help but think this was just too cute.

“No worries.” You answered softly, making him smile with relief in return. He was obviously a little drunk judging by how he started rambling on right after your answer.

“They got that stupid idea while we were drinking and talking about Jin’s new girlfriend, and then they started asking me and I told them about our little act and all that because I didn’t know what else to tell them, and somehow through that Yoongi-hyung seemed to notice that I like you really like that- like not just acting and so they made up this whole plan and forced me here-“

“Wait. What did you just say?” you looked at him surprised, hoping that your ears didn’t trick you.

Did he just say he likes me??

He looked at you like a deer in headlights for a moment, panicking a little on what he should say next. If he was drunk before he surely was 100% sober now.

“I- uhm- oh man please just forget what I said, okay?”

“Jungkook.”

“It was the alcohol talking, it always makes me say funny stuff.”

“Jungkook.”

“Not that you’re not likeable like every guy would be lucky to have you. I mean even in those PJs you look stunning-“

“JEON JUNGKOOK!” he finally shut up and looked at you. You smiled at him adoringly.

“I like you, too. More than a friend.” That cute bunny-smile you loved so much started slowly spreading on his face. He couldn’t help himself but came straight up to you and hugged you around your waist, lifting you in the process to twirl you around.

“You do?? Really??” you just laughed, reassuring him of your feelings for him.

“Does that mean I’m your boyfriend now??” Jungkook let you down, not letting you go and looked straight into your eyes. He had never felt so happy before. You were still laughing a little, blushing.

“Yes, you are.” And without another word his lips found yours for the first time. It was a short but sweet kiss, leaving you with butterflies in your stomach, and warmth in your heart. He hugged you tightly again while his friends came, cheering, around the corner of the wall.

“I fell for you the first time I heard your voice.” He whispered in your ear, making you smile happily, before letting you out of his embrace to finally meet his friends. You were completely overwhelmed with emotions but one thing was for sure. If it wouldn’t have been for Jungkook coming into your life, you never would’ve found your voice again.

Masterlist

[surveysonfleek]

1581.

Have you ever been to Las Vegas? yes, i have! its one of my favourite cities

What did you have for breakfast this morning? i had scrambled eggs and hash browns

Do you have any loose change in your pocket? no pockets and i hardly ever leave things in my pockets

Do you like Taylor Swift? i dont mind her, she has some catchy songs

What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? camp rock haha

If you met your favorite celebrity, would you be calm or star struck? id try to stay calm, id probably be super nervous just being in their presence though

Are there any lights on in the room you’re in? nope, its day time

What’s your favorite subject in school? it was visual arts

What’s your favorite holiday? christmas, it always means ill have a week or two off work!

Do you ever have to do yard work? nope

Is your school close to your house? ive been out of school for a longggg time but it was a 5-10 min drive

Speaking of school, how did you get there today? -

Do you think Bad Romance is a catchy song, or an annoying one? its a good song! i dont love it but im not surprised at how massive it got

Do you use perfect grammar online? honestly, in my previous surveys i would but now i cant be bothered. i use perfect grammar day to day when working so i just sorta wna chill and not focus too much when i do these now

Are you currently using a laptop? yes

Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? most likely, i used to love downloading them back in the limewire days

Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? i loooooved britney when she first blew up. and i still do! i dont listen to her stuff too heavily anymore but i still love it

Is it a windy day? nope

In the past week, have you ridden in a taxi? no

What shorthand do you use the most? if were talking about typing, i still text/chat people with ‘u’ instead of ‘you’

Do you ever wish on stars at night? no, ive never seen a shooting star

What color are your eyes? brown

What album is the current song you’re listening to off of? not listening to music, i have the tv on while doing this

What are you doing after you finish this? not sure, maybe another survey

In your opinion, what song is the most overplayed right now? i havent listened to the radio in forever

Are you in a band? no

How clean is your bedroom? pretty clean!

Is there a pen within reaching distance of you? no

Are you sitting at a desk? no, im in bed lol

Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? male

Do you normally shut your bedroom door before you go to sleep? of course ol

Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? i feel lik ei have once but i do not remember anything about it 

Would you ever dye your hair a different color? yes

Are there any framed pictures in the room you’re in? yes

Have you ever been to a Broadway show? not in broadway... ive seen the musicals lion king and aladdin in my city though

Do you watch So You Think You Can Dance? i did when it first came out

What’s your favorite movie soundtrack? none really stand out to me

Do you prefer group or individual work? individual, id rather just count on myself

Do you have a key to anything besides your house? car

Are you wearing anything with stripes? nope

What time did you go to sleep last night? i think 1am

Did anyone tell you you were beautiful today? no

What show did you last watch? american horror story

Do you think you’ll do anymore surveys today? maybe one more

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? run and raisin

When was the last time you stayed home from school sick? years ago when i actually attended school lol

Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? i probably could, i just wouldnt have the patience

If you could run a red light and not get caught, would you? nah. id rather not risk mine or others’ lives

Do you like to listen to music as you do your homework? i dont have homework

Did you think Adam Lambert’s AMA performance was really that controversial? i dont recall, this survey is probably really old

Do any bands flat-out annoy you? nah, i just dont listen to them

Do you have a mirror in your bedroom? yes

Was today a birthday for any of your friends? yes actually! ill need to greet him

When was the last time you rode in a limo? never been in one :(

Do you take naps daily? no. i wish!

Do you still make Christmas lists? yes haha

Do you watch the show Dexter? i did. apparently theyre rebooting it which is exciting! the ending was pretty trash

What’s the background on your phone? its a dark cityscape of nyc

When were/will you be a a sophomore in high school? -

Are you scared of any animals? cockroaches. also i live in australia so while im not afraid of snakes and spiders, im pretty mindful of them

Have you ever been to any sort of convention? yup! ive been to sexpo and a wedding expo lol

Which song did you last listen to on repeat? probably a kehlani song

Where do you want to live when you grow up? around here still

Are you currently using a blanket? yep

Are there any songs that make you cry? not really

How many siblings do you have? one

What are you doing this weekend? its saturday today. im doing nothing. tomorrow im going on a picnic with friends

Do you prefer swimming at the beach or in a pool? pool, its so much more comfortable than a beach lol

When was the last time you had a haircut? hmm... maybe june?

Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? a harp!

Are you in band or chorus at your school? no

Do you know what you want for Christmas? nope. i dont ‘need’ anything.

Do you watch fireworks on New Year’s Eve? most of the time!

Is your birthday within the next three months? no

How long is the song you’re listening to? not listening to music

Are you anticipating anything this week? yeah, kinda waiting to see if were going ahead with buying some land

Is your mom or dad the older parent? my dad

Have you taken the SATs yet? -

Do you watch anything on E? i dont have e

Are you going to get off the computer now that you’ve finished this? nah maybe one more survey lol

[bard-llama]

Would you ever write in epistolary format?

My creative writing teachers would be so sad that I had to google that, but for any people like me, this means written in a document format, such as letters.

And the answer is definitely yes! I actually have a WiP I started waaaaaaaay back for rorveth that is sorta this, although I was torn on if I wanted it to be just letters or letters interspersed with POV exposition. But I looooove letter fics. Like, one of my most memorable fics I've written was back in like 2010 and I named it after Joe Cocker's song "Oh My Baby, He Wrote Me A Letter". This was for the BBC Merlin fandom, so not sure that's interesting to anyone, but I really remember that one, for some reason. And letters are FUN to write!

Just 'cause, here's the beginning of the letters WiP I started for rorveth (appropriately titled 'letters' XD).

The first letter arrived in an unremarkable fashion, just one more piece of parchment on the already messy desk of Vernon Roche, the new Imperial Administrator of the Vassal State of Temeria. After everything he’d fought for, he’d certainly never expected to be stuck behind a desk. The one saving grace of the job was that Ves was still his right-hand-woman and when she got tired of the paperwork, no one told her to put the knife away.

Then again, it would take a very brave man to challenge Ves, and Roche had yet to see any do so successfully.

But the letter – it was entirely mundane, nothing noteworthy about it whatsoever. From the outside, anyway. Roche wasn’t even sure which aide had left it on his desk when. But when he picked up the letter and flipped it over to break the seal, he noticed that the wax had a flower pressed into it, some sort of blue blossom that he didn’t recognize. Roche’s brow furrowed. What an odd choice for a seal.

Things only got stranger when he cut through the wax and read the letter itself. It was only one word: Kingslayer.

Roche stiffened. If this was a threat, it was an effective one. Not that Radovid was the first king he’d killed, but King Henselt had long since passed into memory in the quickly-changing political landscape of the north.

Realistically, if someone knew about their plot against Radovid, there was little they could do with it. Roche had no doubt that Emperor Emhyr was already very aware of Roche’s actions – Nilfgaard’s spies were impressive, and that was about all he could say in support of the empire – and the fucker had made Roche head of Temeria anyway. It wouldn’t be great if the people of Temeria found out about it, but Radovid had never been a true ally. Besides, if word did get out and he was removed from office, he would finally be able to get back in the field.

Please? he absentmindedly sent the prayer to whatever deity might be paying attention. Nilfgaard had different gods than the Northern Kingdoms did, and Roche had seen so much of war that it was hard to believe there could be any higher being out there, but at some point, it had become habit to frame the thoughts he wasn’t supposed to have as prayers.

He flipped the letter over to look at the wax seal again. Who the fuck would send him a threat – was it a threat? – and seal it with a flower?

Actually, that was a stupid question. The real question was why would the elf reach out to him at all? Roche hadn’t had contact with the Scoia’tael since Loc Muinne, when Temeria’s future was essentially handed to Nilfgaard and suddenly all that mattered was protecting his homeland. He hadn’t – well, he hadn’t exactly told Iorveth that he was abandoning the fight against nonhumans to fight against Nilfgaard (for all the good that had done), but he had seen the elf only once since then. Iorveth had left the very clear impression that it would be the last time.

In retrospect, Roche could see how being told that “the only thing that matters is Temeria” might be insulting to someone who had been fighting for a free elven state for decades. Nonetheless, he couldn’t take the words back and from the way Iorveth’s face had gone cold and stony the moment the words had left Roche’s mouth, and the way Iorveth had turned and left without a word – well, Roche had honestly assumed that the elf was done with him.

He’d ignored the complicated way he felt about that for years, but now suddenly, Iorveth’s decision to reach out – is that what this was? – had his mind going back to that day. He’d been in so much pain at the time, the loss of his men and his own treasonous actions fresh in his thoughts and weighing down on him. Iorveth had found him packing up his camp on his way back to Vizima, catching Roche entirely by surprise.

If he’d been less off balance then, would things have gone differently? At the time, he hadn’t known the hole Iorveth’s absence would leave in his life, the aching sense of being adrift without a sense of purpose, without the thing whose opposition had defined him. He had always been Vernon Roche, Commander of the Blue Stripes, Authority on all Nonhuman Affairs. And even after he’d become Vernon Roche, Freedom Fighter, he’d never quite adjusted the definition of himself, never quite learned how to be Roche without Iorveth on the other side of his coin.

Maybe that was why Iorveth was reaching out. Maybe he felt the same, felt aimless and pointless now that Nilfgaard had taken over everything and nonhumans were given the same respect and rights as humans. Maybe Iorveth was also stuck behind some desk, fingers that were meant to hold a sword cramping around a too-delicate quill.

Roche shook his head and then rubbed his face. If he let his thoughts continue in that direction, he’d be too miserable to get anything done. What he needed was a quick break to splash some water on his face and then to get back to work. Because even if Roche was a remnant of a bygone age, Temeria was still everything, and he would serve his homeland however he was needed. Even if it slowly killed him inside.

When he returned to his desk, the letter still sat there innocently, words face-down because he wasn’t that careless. But that meant he was faced with the little blue flower pressed into white wax. It was actually rather pretty, though only an elf would do a ridiculous thing like seal a letter with one.

He should throw it away or burn it or otherwise dispose of the letter that named his crime, but instead, Roche found himself filing it in his desk, hidden under a stack of parchment. He could always get rid of it later.

––

The next letter arrived about a week later. As soon as Roche saw that little blue flower seal, his heart started to beat faster and he reached for it immediately. He broke the wax and unfolded the letter to find that this time, Iorveth hadn’t limited himself to one word. Instead, he’d filled the parchment with his oddly shaky handwriting and when Roche lifted it to his nose, he could catch the faint herbal scent of gin underneath the sweet floral smell. If Iorveth had been drinking while writing, it would certainly explain the bad handwriting. But why would Iorveth drunkenly write him, of all people?

He bit his lip and wondered where Iorveth was now. Even if he knew and tried to respond, he wouldn’t know what to say to Iorveth after all this time. He couldn’t regret the decisions he’d made, as fruitless as they may have ended up being. Being Temerian was such a core part of his identity that Roche could never have done anything else.

Still, he almost feared what Iorveth may have written in his inebriated state. It wasn’t as if the elf hadn’t insulted him extensively to his face. Why should he care if the same words made their way onto this parchment?

But he did care. Their last meeting had broken something deep inside him, something he wasn’t ready to examine yet. He would rather be faced with the memory of Iorveth turning away from him, face blank, and never saying a word as he left for the very last time, than to know that even now, Iorveth’s hatred for Roche sustained him.

Roche himself was just too tired for hate anymore. Maybe that was the point of this ridiculous administrative role – to make him so exhausted and docile that he was no longer a threat. Roche wouldn’t put it past Emhyr to plan such a thing.

Shaking his head, he took a deep breath and read the letter.

I wonder if it still brings you pride, to know that you’ve won. The Scoia’tael are no more. My men are gradually being reintroduced into society – Nilfgaardian society, of course. The same Nilfgaard that declared us traitors and tried to assassinate us after the Peace of Cintra. It makes me sick to bear the Golden Sun on my armor, and yet, my men are finally free or as close as we will ever get. I should be happy – the Scoia’tael are no more because there is no longer a need for us.

So why do I wish we were still in the forests outside Flotsam, fighting a never ending bloody battle?

It ended like that, abruptly, though from the link blots below the last words, Roche suspected Iorveth had debated saying more.

What was he supposed to do with this? What good was the knowledge that Iorveth was just as miserable as he was, just as desperate for a return to when things made sense and the lines between this side and that one were clear?

[thisislizheather]

June Jaunts 2021

July always feels like one big long nap to me. There’s never really anything going on, kids are off school, adults seem to work less, it’s kind of great in that way. Maybe I won’t hate it this year? In any case, here’s what went down in June.

I compiled the best tweets of June over here and here.

I visited and wrote about the new Rockaway Hotel and pool.

I did Nathan’s podcast amidst his hiatus.

I recapped what I did from my spring list and made an upcoming summer to-do list, which I really encourage you to do on your own.

I read and reviewed The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Archor.

I’ve almost finished watching Living Single and seasons one through four are definitely the best ones. Love the episode where Kyle says goodbye to an old jazz venue that gets demolished, such a solid show.

I just saw the latest issue of the LCBO magazine and someone needs to pick me up that dill pickle vodka immediately.

Dying over how good the Strawberry Pound Cake candle smells from Bath & Body Works. Also picked up the Whipped Coffee candle for later this year from their semi-annual sale.

I went on an impromptu day trip to Connecticut.

I met up with Irene in Chinatown so I went early to walk around because man, I love that area.

Above Photo: Chinatown NYC, June 2021

Above Photo: Doyers Street, Chinatown NYC, June 2021

Above Photo: Irene!

Above Photo: Me!

I ate at dell’anima and it was insanely disappointing. It felt like being in a cafeteria at the mall, it’s just a terrible location. I wasn’t expecting much since I knew it was on 11th Avenue, but still. I had no idea it would be so deeply casual (which is upsetting for an NYC restaurant). The food was as average as could be. Also, can we stop with the plastic cups at restaurants? It’s time.

I also stopped by Anfora which is a pleasant little spot, especially before or after dinner.

I went to Daily Provisions and tried their roast beef sandwich and salted caramel brownie and does everywhere just suck this month? And I support Danny Meyer, but he truly is the master of overpricing food. Also - on what planet can a brownie taste bland?? Tell me??

I’m on the lash extension train again (I know, I’m weak) and I just got them done at Lash Princess in the city and they look incredible so I’m definitely going to return.

I rewatched Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding and yep, still great.

Love the stationary/toy store Modern State on the Upper East Side.

I’ve heard about cotton candy grapes for years and have never been able to get ahold of them, but I just found them and whoa! Everything you want them to be and more. Am I bothered by the fact that they’re 1000% modified and MUST be terrible for humans to eat? A bit.

I finally ate the Wednesday sandwich special at Mama’s Too on the Upper West Side and it was pretty incredible. It was a roast beef au jus with horseradish cream on top of their house-made pizza crust. It was a little heavy on the fatty pieces of meat, but once those were taken out, it was insanity to eat. Take a look.

Above Photo: Roast beef au jus with horseradish cream at Mama’s Too, NYC

We saw A Quiet Place 2 in theatres and yes it’s an okay movie but it was too suspenseful for me after not seeing a movie in theatres for so long. I don’t think I want any more suspense in my life

We also watched The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It at home and meh. Patrick Wilson can still get it, though.

Yet another great song off of Olivia Rodrigo’s album.

I finally got a reservation at Forsythia and it was looooovely, I can’t wait to go again. The restaurant itself is beautiful and such a perfect date place, the chairs are gorgeous and comfortable, the service was flawless and the pastas were phenomenal (the garganelli was a standout for sure). And god knows how much I love a place that serves their bread with olive oil as well as butter, WHY DOESN’T EVERY PLACE DO THIS?

I had to try the panzanella salad at L’Artusi and of course it’s great, but it’s also just so genius to put the cheese ON THE BOTTOM of a salad like this one. (Also, I’ll forever support whatever this team wants to do.)

Above Photo: Heirloom Tomato & Burrata Panzanella with Stonefruit, Sourdough, Basil, Yuza, Nigella at L’Artusi, NYC

Above Photo: Bucatini with Pancetta, Tomato, Chiles, Pecorino at L’Artusi, NYC

I tried the new Milk Bar cookies at Whole Foods and they truly taste like the cake truffles at their stores, so watch out.

The two best gelato flavours at il laboratorio del gelato? 1) Peach 2) Ginger. I’m telling you.

I’ve been looking for the perfect navy raincoat for years and I finally found her at J. Crew on sale for $71.

I tried the gelato at Anita Gelato and even though the wild strawberry with ricotta & mascarpone was really good, there’s no way it’s worth waiting in line for twenty minutes.

Above Photo: Wild strawberry with ricotta & mascarpone with a vanilla scoop, Anita Gelato in NYC

A great piece, with great photos on NYC reopening.

I made hash browns at home and does everyone do this already? It’s ridiculously easy and satisfying and I had no idea.

I’ve been on a real orzo bender lately and this tomato one was great. So was this lemon basil one (I added a ton of fresh parmesan and it was nuts).

This sketch is old, but I just saw it for the first time and man it’s great.

The new Halloween trailer is out and I want to love it but can’t we just let some things die?

This Target candle reminds me of Florida vacations and I want to buy ten.

I stupidly ate at Eataly (don’t do it, especially if you live in New York, you should know better) and of course it was bad. What a smart idea to eat at a place called Le Pizza & La Pasta, I’m a moron. Even smarter, I got the steak tartare and it was as bland as the day is long (and look I know I’m a clown for not even ordering pizza OR pasta when it’s in the name). The basil vodka cocktail was pretty good, though.

One thing that Eataly is good for, though, is selling really good dried pastas. I finally tried the brand Afeltra (the pasta as well as their canned tomatoes) and wowza. Definitely will be buying again. Best dried brand I’ve tried so far. Oh! I also bought this Ponti Balsamic Vinegar that tastes like candy, it’s so good. It’s thicker than other balsamics, so maybe it’s more of a finishing vinegar but I highly recommend.

I made these white chocolate apricot scones (and then later that week some white chocolate strawberry scones) and they were phenomenal. I did use cake flour because that’s all I had and I think that might be the reason they tasted so great. Also, it’s a wildly easy recipe to follow incase you’re intimidated by the word “scone.”

Above Photo: White chocolate apricot scone

I started watching the new season of Dave and it’s so well done I could scream (do you remember how good this part was from last season?). Such a good show. I do sort of hate men more by the end of each episode, so I don’t know what that’s about but I think I’m okay with it.

Bought a new nonstick frying pan (the GreenPan) and it’s incredible. Sometimes the answer is new cookware, no matter the question.

Nathan bought a new filtered shower-head and it’s making me excited for every shower now. Just a powerhouse. Feels like I’m at a hotel in there.

Since it’s summer, I’d love to make these summer recipes:

Grilled Caprese Skewers with Halloumi and Sourdough

Pan-Seared Scallops with Chorizo and Corn

BLT Pasta Salad

Summer Coconut Chickpea Curry

Strawberry Crumble Coffee Cake

Some things that I’m looking forward to: I’m not usually into miniseries but Nine Perfect Strangers looks pretty good so I might watch that, we’re going to TWO weddings this month so that will be wonderful, and I really need to get back in a pool so I’m working on that happening.

If you have any interest in reading what went on in May, come on over here.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #365

“i’m numb to the pleasure, but still feel the pain”

Are there palm trees where you live? No. Do you own any Hello Kitty stuff? If so, what? No. What’s your favorite flavor of ice pop? Blue raspberry. Do you like animal print? What’s your favorite print? Not really. I think animal "print" only really looks nice on, well, animals. Does your dad have any facial hair? Yes. What do you think of foot tattoos? They're not my favorite, but some look nice. I myself wanna get "11121" (a Silent Hill 4 reference) "carved" onto the top of my feet. Do you like bugs or do they scare you? Some do. I've gotten more into them though as my passion for tarantulas expanded to other inverts, like mantises. Ever seen the movie Chernobyl Diaries? If so, did you like it? If not, do you want to see it? I haven't, but I'd be willing to watch it. I find the whole Chernobyl incident to be extremely fascinating, so I'd probably like it. Did your senior class in high school have a class trip? Where did you go? Bitch I wish. :/ Do you have an instagram account? What’s your username? Yeah, two: brittanymphotography and eldritch_obscura. Do you like Gir from Invader Zim? I think he's cute. Do you or would you ever own a gun? Why or why not? No thanks. If I'm not mistaken, I can't legally obtain one anyway because of my suicidal history. I'm fine with having like, pepper spray and a bat handy by the bed, lol. If it was offered for free by a professional, would you get your hair dyed platinum blonde? For FREE? Fuck yeah I'd try it. What do you normally order at Dunkin Donuts? A chocolate frosted donut, and sometimes a plain/cake one. Do you watch football? Favorite teams? No. What about WWE? Favorite wrestler? That's an even bigger no. Funniest thing you’ve ever heard a teacher say? Okay so this is hard to actually explain and it be funny. I had this amazing, kinda charismatically awkward history teacher in high school, and when talking about some legal stuff I can't remember, she deadass quoted "Without Me" by Eminem ("if the FCC won't let me be...") like so casually and everyone fucking died, just from knowing her and her personality. It was just very unexpected. Do you wear a lot of makeup? What do you think of girls who do? No. Girls can wear however much makeup they please. Do you have a savings account? Are you good at saving money? No. I can't really answer the second question because of me never having a steady flow of money. Would you rather have a relationship or casual flings? Relationship, 100%. I would never have a casual fling. Do you know anyone that’s part Native American? Yes. Who was your favorite Spice Girl? I remember none of them. Have you ever tried to poison someone? Yikes, no. Have you ever saved anyone from a fire? No. Have you ever had a seizure? No. I've had sudden spasms, but never a full-on seizure. Have you ever had an out-of-body experience? No. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Have you ever had a tooth pulled? No. Have you ever had pneumonia? I have not. Have you ever had tubes put in your ears? Yes, as a baby. Have you ever been shot with an arrow or bullet? Thank god no. Have you ever had kidney stones? No. Have you even been bitten by an venomous animal? No. Have you ever thought about being in the military? Fuck no. I wouldn't qualify, anyway. Have you ever been sedated or put under anesthesia? Yeah. Have you ever used shrooms or any other hallucinogen? No. What upcoming event are you most looking forward to? I can barely believe my tat appointment is almost here lakjsd;ajwlej;rwe What was the last song you heard? I'm currently listening to Motionless In White's synthwave edit of "Voices" they just put out. I looooove it. What time did you wake up today? Maybe like, 5:20? Is there a vase in the room you’re in? No. Have you recently been insulted? Yes. Compared to someone else of your age and gender; do you feel that you have a lot to offer someone? N O P E How many days a week do you work? I'm unemployed. Is there ONE person you feel more connected to than others? Yes. What is your worst relationship quality? I obsess over the person probably leaving, so especially at the beginning, I'm paranoid and distrustful. I want to emphasize that I'm not the asshole that snoops through her partner's phone out of distrust, but still, the fear is just there. What was your most recent serious injury? A serious one? Man idk. I've had a lot or negligible and smaller ones, but a big one... *shrug* What were you most recently happy about? I was happy to see "synthwave" in this video title, haha. Are you a fan of cake? Oh yes. What is your favorite insect? Butterflies. Is your town beautiful? Ew, no. Do you prefer the city or the country? THE COUNTRY. Have you ever witnessed an eclipse? Lots of lunar eclipses. Do you wear lipstick often? No. You’re going on a date with someone you like. What would you like to do? Considering the pandemic, probably just like... grab fast food and sit and eat at a park. That'd be cute. You’re hanging out with your best friend. What would you like to do? It'd be nice to get back to Avatar: The Last Airbender while hanging out with Doris (her beardie that I adore), too. Have you ever written or considered writing a play? No. Who is considered the “black sheep” of your family? Why? Ha, me. To begin, I like all the "dark" stuff, I'm the unreligious one, the one with political beliefs unlike most of my family, I'm not doing what I should be... Why is your favorite movie your favorite movie? It's just a masterpiece. I love love love animals, African one especially, and I find it to be an amazing story of courage and dedication to family. Plus I shamelessly love all the songs, haha. What’s an odor you hate? GASOLINE. FUCK. What’s a sound you hate? Fingernails on a chalkboard. Or screech-y noises in general. If money was no issue, what would you like to do right now? I was initially gonna say go to Yellowstone, but fuck that hot weather this time of year. So, this brings us back to Venus' terrarium; I'd want to get a new one and better materials. What’s something you’re so good at that you take pride in your skill? I wouldn't say I'm "so good" at it, but I do take pride in my writing. What’s something you’d never ever dare to ask another person? Hm. Under ANY circumstance, I guess "are you pregnant?" There's almost like... no situation where I'd be comfortable asking somebody that. What’s the worst/best thing you’ve done without your parents knowing? We're not getting into that lmao. Do you know anyone who has a hearing deficit? No. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never stand seeing so many hurt and dying animals and still be okay at the end of the day. Are there any opinions you used to have even a few years ago that you look back on and think, “I can’t believe I ever thought that way”? THERE ARE!!!!!!!!!!! A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The last time you cried, what was wrong? I fell and skinned my knees when stepping over this barrier Mom made to keep the damn dog out of the hallway and thus my room to fuck with the cat and eat his food. I previously twisted my ankle, fell backwards, and had one other accident with it despite moving stuff, and I didn't cry from pain, just massive frustration. I want this dog GONE. Do you like multi-choice tests or tests you have to write out? Multiple choice. Who last called you ‘beautiful’? Couldn't tell ya, bud. Have you ever caught a firefly? Yeah, I did that lots as a kid. Do you own any camouflage? No. What’s the stinkiest pet you’ve ever had? Uhhh I dunno. Have you ever been on the news? For what? No. Have you ever seen one of your friends get arrested? No. Do you put sprinkles on anything? No, I hate sprinkles. How do you like your steak? Medium well. Long hair on guys: yes or no? Yaaaaaaaas. Is there a basement in your house? If so, what is it used for? No. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I think. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? I'm so fuckin basic, like my genuine answer is Domino's lmaooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had the two video games; I was obsessed with the first one in particular. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Do your parents’ professions match their college degrees? No. Do you write shopping lists on paper or just remember it in your head? I don't do the shopping, so. But I would definitely need to write it down. Have you ever used a lawnmower? No. Have you ever consumed so much alcohol that you vomited? No. Can you tie balloons? No, actually. My hands are just too shaky. When was the last time you were at a pet store? A few weeks ago when we got rats for Venus. Ugh, it is SO overpriced; they come in a box of two, and as I feed her twice a month, it's honestly quite a bit of money. Like if I remember correctly, it's around $16. FOR TWO. SMALL. RATS. I've recommended we just buy them in bulk NOT from an overpriced chain pet store, but the problem with that is then we have *too* many, and the nutritional value of frozen rats apparently does degrade with time, so I don't want to feed my snake poor food. So it's just an annoying thing we have to do. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? Not like, an at-home one. I've been tested before surgery, but that was just a safety protocol. Does your ex still think about you? "The" ex, probably not. Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? My mom. What is the last state you were in besides your own? Virginia. Would you go down to see the Titanic if given the chance? Man, that's kinda tempting. Maybe. It'd be super cool. Have you ever seen the Hollywood sign in real life? No. Did you ever see a scorpion in the wild? No, they don't live here. Do you type the proper way? Have you ever typed on a manual typewriter? Yes to both. What was your maternal grandmother’s first name? Cecelia. Name a word that people use locally that outsiders probably can’t pronounce. Conetoe. You said it wrong.