#losing game

[angelwngd]

[xnananko]

Keep your head up.

[peonierose]

Losing Game

(2/4)

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce Lahela (M!MC) x Luna Auclair (F!OC)

Rating: Mature / Angst 

TW: Mental Health

Words: 1,000+

Summary: Bryce comes back from visiting his father in prison. Though he didn’t tell Luna. Will things work out between them? Or will they drift further apart?

A/N: If you haven’t read the first part you can catch up on Part 1 here

Sidenote: If you want to listen to some music, I got you I created a list on Spotify for all four parts. Here’s the list for Part 2 🥰

Bryce

I parked the car in the garage and shut off the engine. I got out and felt the night air surrounding me.

It’s so much quieter now that the engine is off. Only the sound of the ocean and cicadas can be heard.

When I walked out I could hear Luna in the kitchen singing along to a song on the radio. It’s from the eighties I think.

When she heard me come in, her whole face transformed into a beautiful smile. Her blue-green eyes lit up like the stars. I hate that those starlit eyes will go out.

”Hey handsome I’ve missed you,“ Luna walked towards me and leaned against my chest smiling at me.

I smiled but it didn’t reach my eyes.

Her smile dimmed and she looked at me. She scrunched up her eyebrows in confusion.

But I just needed a minute to settle down. I opened the cabinet where we kept the strong stuff.

I opened a bottle of scotch. A gift from Ethan and Hayley. Who knew this is exactly what I need right now? And pour myself a drink.

I knocked it back like it was water and poured another round.

”B what’s wrong? You’re scaring me a little,“ she pulled her pink sweater closer around herself.

”I went to see my dad,“ I took a sip of my second glass of scotch.

There’s pain and confusion in her eyes. I hate seeing it there. She straightened her shoulders and looked me square in the eyes.

”What? Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve gone with you!“ She said, coming closer. She put the glass out of my hands and placed it on the kitchen table.

”This is something I needed to do on my own. I just didn’t want anyone to come with me, since I didn’t even know if I’d have the guts to go inside,“ I admitted.

”B no one and I repeat no one would have judged you,“ her voice getting soft.

I sighed in frustration.

”Don’t you get it? I wanted to go alone…I…“ I ran out of words and shoved my hands through my hair.

I’d rather throw my glass against the wall, to see it shatter, like my heart is shattering right now. I sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter.

Luna sat down in one of the kitchen chairs. Her hands were placed over her stomach.

And I felt like even more of an asshole. I didn’t want to add any kind of stress to her. But damn it if my emotions aren’t a raging tornado inside my chest.

”I didn’t mean to keep it a secret. I needed answers. Peace. Solace. Closure. I needed something,“ I said and I could tell Lunes was mad and disappointed in me. Her eyes display everything.

”I’m just sad you didn’t tell me, Bryce. I’d be the last person to judge you. I love you. We’re getting married. We’re having twins for god's sake. I feel like you excluded me and that hurts,“ she breathed hard and I could see her pulse kick up.

The vein at her neck throbbed. Meilani is already worried about Lunes' pregnancy and wants her to be more careful and avoid any stressful situations.

I let out a breath I was holding in and sat next to her.

”I didn’t mean to hurt you. But I know how much you’d want my parents at our wedding and in our children’s lives. I tried getting some closure for myself. I wanted to get a feel for what they’re like now! I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea about them. Like some fairy tale,“ I said it and instantly regretted it.

She snorted.

”Look if you don’t want them in our lives, okay fine. But don’t treat me like an idiot. I might be blonde but I’m not stupid. I can form my own opinion. Thank you very much. You’ve kept it pretty close to what your parents have done, and that’s your right. But sometimes it feels like I don’t know you or at least not everything. Sometimes it feels like I’m on the outside looking in,“ her voice getting smaller by the second.

I wish she’d scream at me or throw things. This quietness is almost unbearable. It’s killing me. It’s different. Seeing her this quiet isn’t something I’m used to seeing.

I want to reach out my hand and touch her, but I let my hand fall to the side. I don’t think she’d welcome my touch right now.

I breathe out just to have something to do.

This is our first real fight. And so close to the wedding too.

God, what a mess I created. I reached for the glass with the drink.

And take a sip. Feeling the alcohol burn down my throat. Exactly what I needed.

”Lunes…“ I started.

She stopped me.

”Don‘t. I get that this is very personal and it’s painful to talk about. But you could’ve told me. I would’ve respected it if you said you’d want to go alone. But not saying anything? And then just drop that bomb on me? Not fucking cool Bryce!“

I sigh and put my head in my hands. She’s saying my full name instead of B. Which tells me she’s pissed and she has every right to be.

It will take some time for Luna to forgive me and get over the fact that I lied.

”I don’t even know why we’re fighting about this,“ I said and she didn't say anything to that.

”We’re fighting because we don’t keep secrets from each other Bryce. Yes, our relationship isn’t perfect. But you’re usually not a liar Bryce.“

I flinched as if she slapped me and didn't respond to her. We’re both raw from the words we exchanged. Feeling every single quiet and soft whisper, and it’s like a blow to my body.

She sighs.

”I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that. I’m mad and sad…pregnancy hormones suck.“

We both smile at each other, but then we get serious again. We both look away. The distance between us grew by the second.

Luna fumbled with her hair and I stared off into space not sure what to say.

A lump formed in my throat again, making it difficult to swallow past it.

”I get it. It was an asshole move. But I didn’t know what to do,“ I say, my voice almost breaking at that.

Luna's face crumbled at the pain in my voice.

”Oh B,“ she murmured and I leaned on her shoulder and cried again.

She held me tight until I leaned my forehead onto her shoulder.

”Your sweater is all wet,“ my voice gruff as I wiped away some tears.

She waved me off.

”I don’t give a rat's ass about my sweater. What I do care about is you,“ she cupped my face into her hands and gave me a gentle kiss. One full of emotions. What she couldn’t say with words, she conveyed with her kiss.

When we broke apart I could see that some traces of pain were left in her beautiful blue-green eyes.

Reminding me that I was the one who put that pain there. I hung my head in shame.

”I didn’t mean to blindside you like that Lu,“ I whisper.

She sighed against me.

”I know. It hurt me and I guess…I’ll need some time to get over it. I can understand why you did it, but I’m hurt you didn’t tell me,“ she said.

I looked up at her.

”What now?“ I asked her. Completely baffled. I have no idea what to say to that.

She shrugged, distancing herself from me. Not just physically but emotionally as well, which hurt more than if she flung any objects or words at me.

I’ve never felt more apart from her than now. As if I tried to grasp her hand and it slipped out of reach.

Luna rubbed her head.

”I don’t know B. Maybe we should just go to sleep?“ She asked hesitantly as if not sure where we stood.

I nodded. Nothing is resolved. But I couldn’t be alone. Not tonight.

As much as I craved space from everyone and anyone, I’m still selfish because I wanted her next to me.

To feel her soft skin beneath my palms. To caress her body.

We walked upstairs. The whole room was tense. We silently got into our sleep attire.

Lunes put one of my Stanford t-shirts on, the ones she used as a sleep shirt, as I got in some sleep shorts resting low on my hips.

Sliding the comforter aside we got into bed. The ceiling fan was on full blast.

Even though we’re still unsure of the whole situation. One thing is for sure. Our love is still strong and it won’t die.

Later in the night, I woke up to find Luna snuggled into my side. Clutching my hand close to her cheek.

I smiled down at her. Trying to extract my hand to envelop her in my arms. She stirred slightly and saw how she was clutching my hand close to her.

”Sorry I…“ she tried to scoot away.

But I don‘t let her.

”Lunes. No matter what happens my love for you is never in doubt,“ I pulled her closer.

I felt her nod more than I could see it.

We held hands and fell asleep. We still have ways to go, but I know we’ll be alright.

[inthewindtunnel]

Kontravoid

ft Chelsey Crowley

Losing Game

[starfirexuchiha]

Happy Birthday Kazuha! 🥳🍁🎂

I made my very first kazuscara MMD video for it! 🍁☂️🍁🌀 Kazuha's outfit is based on that one Cadillac collab that Genshin did a long time ago.

This is just a preview. The full video with the kzscr scenes is on the Youtube link below! ⬇️

[galaxymagick]

220825 m countdown - ‘losing game’🥀

[downfalldestiny]

All i know,

Loving you is a losing game 💔☘️!.

[bowieisworried]

LEO | Losing Game

[lenaswritingandstuff]

Losing Game [Antoine Griezmann x fem!OC] (Chap. VII)

Requested: No​

Pairing: Antoine Griezmann x OC!Gabrielle Darian; more to be added.

Warnings: English is not my first language!

Wordcount: 4.4K+

A/N: Thank you for still reading! GIF IS NOT MINE. Enjoy!

Previous chapter

“No, I’m not coming! Just forget about me like you did with your oldest daughter!”

Louisa hangs up and throws her phone on the table before she wipes her watery eyes. Starting last night, Louisa’s mother Mrs. Honorin has been calling her to convince her to come to a reception she’s organizing, and also to convince her to put her older sister “on the right track”. Louisa usually manages to handle it well and only gets angry at her mother, but it’s starting to really upsets her. She sits next to me and I put an arm around her shoulders.

“I don’t understand,” she has been saying that ever since her mother called her. “A mother is supposed to love and accept her child, not denigrate her.”

I know exactly how Tatiana feels.

“If you heard her,” Louisa continues, her head in her hands, “it seemed like Tatian was a monster.”

Several tears are shed, but I eventually comfort her after a few minutes.

“When I have a child, I’ll always be there for him, no matter what.”

“I’m sure you’ll be a great mother,” I answer.

I try to think of an activity to make her smile but the clock in the kitchen let me know that I have to leave to Clairefontaine in a few minutes. Maybe…

“You wanna come to Clairefontaine with me?”

She gives me a confused look.

“It would lift your spirit,” I say.

“Are you sure I can come?”

“We’ll know right away.”

I decide to call Antoine, hoping he’ll answer and accept a second guest in the castle. To my surprise, he answers immediately.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me.”

Damn it, Gaby, of course he knows it’s you. I try to ignore the joy it gives me to hear his voice and focus on his answer.

“Are you okay? Is everything alright?”

“Yes, hum, I’m sorry to bother you, I just wanted to ask for…a favor.”

“You never bother me. Tell me.”

“I know it wasn’t planned, and it’s already nice of you guys to allow me to come to Clairefontaine,” I say, uncertain, “but can Louisa come?”

“Hold on a second.”

There are a few seconds of silence and then muffled whispers.

“Gaby? You still here?” 

“Yes, yes,” I say, surprised.

“There is no problem in Louisa coming.”

“That’s so sweet of you guys, thanks a lot.”

“Of course,” he says, and I can hear a smile in his voice. “See you later then.”

“See you.”

I hang up and turns to Louisa.

“He said yes.”

She has a little smile, and since we both already ready to go, we leave right away. In the car Louisa asks me questions about my visit to the castle the day before, and I don’t give her the details. We finally arrive at the castle, and I present the badge Antoine gave me yesterday and told me to keep.

“I don’t have one, though,” Louisa tells me, pointing at it.

“Let’s hope Antoine thought about it.”

We enter just fine – Antoine did think about it – and we walk to the castle. I still fell like an outsider, and I’m surprised to see that Louisa feels that way. She looks around with curiosity and also a bit incertitude. Approaching the  castle, we see a silhouette sitting in the grass, near the big letters that indicates where we are. I recognize the person right away, as does Louisa.

“Is it Pavard?” she whispers.

“Yes.

I bring Louisa with me to say hi to him before joining the others inside, hoping we won’t bother him.

“Hi, Benjamin,” I say softly.

He jumps in surprise and turns towards us.

“Oh, hi.” he gets up. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you two coming. How are you?”

He kisses me on the cheek and turns to Louisa, then to me again, waiting for me to introduce the two of them.

“Oh, sorry. This is Louisa, my best friend. Antoine kindly invited us to come here today.”

There is a sudden light in his brown eyes, and he nods.

“Oh, yes, Antoine told me. Nice to meet you.”

“A pleasure.”

He also kisses her on the cheek and a small smile grows on his sad face. I look at Louisa, whose cheeks seem to have become pink. I hear a door opening behind us and see Antoine coming out of the building. He walks to us, and Louisa give me a teasing look. Don’t start now. He smiles as he comes to us.

“Hi,” he says looking at me.

“Hi.”

He puts his hands on my arm and then kisses me. I see Louisa looking at the ground, a small smile on her lips. You giggle and I’ll kill you. After we get away, Antoine turns to her and gives her a polite smile.

“Nice too see again. Welcome to Clairefontaine.”

“Thank you for having me,” she answers. “Nice to see you too.”

“No problem,” Antoine says. “Gaby’s friends are always welcome to come. By the way, Benji, would you mind showing Louisa around?”

I’m about to ask why we won’t do it all together – as Antoine told me he’d give me a visit of the whole Center – when “Benji” nods.

“No problem.”

Thanks, bro. We’ll catch up later.”

I’ll admit that I’m not comfortable with the idea of leaving Louisa alone with a stranger, even if it’s a friend and teammate of Antoine’s. But Louisa looks happy so I keep my mouth shut. Antoine takes my hand and we walk to the castle.

“A private visit of the Bleus’ castle,” I say, “How lucky these both girls are.”

“Right?” Antoine laughs. “We’re not going into the second floor, there’s nothing to see in there except for messy bedrooms and video games.”

He opens the door and let me enter before him. I hear whispers and giggles right away. Antoine leads me to some kind of living room with a TV and several sofas. Hugo and Olivier, sitting next to each other, get up to greet me and ask me about my parents’ health and how is the company is. The four of us talk when Kylian arrives, a phone near his ear. He hangs up a few seconds later, a soft smile on his face.

“Was it Helena?” Olivier asks with a smirk.

“Yes,” Kylian answers with a smile after greeting me. “She’s coming to see the match with her mom and Baptiste.”

“You’re coming too, right?” Hugo asks me.”

I look at him, confused. I had no idea they had another game coming.

“Hum, yes,” I say, feeling awkward.

I look at Antoine, who’s looking at me.

“I mean, if you want me to come. I’d understand if you want to be left alone.”

“What? Of course I want you to come,” Antoine says as if he didn’t understand. “It would be awesome. Plus, you would bear me luck, just like last time.”

“You’re good at shooting penalties,” I say quickly. “I had nothing to do with it.”

“I agree with Grizou,” Olivier says. “I’m sure you and Louisa will bring us luck when you’ll be in the stadium.”

Antoine leaves and comes back a few seconds later with an envelope in his hand, which he hands me.

“There are two tickets in there, that way Louisa can come too if she wants.

“It’s very nice of you,” I answer, feeling a bit uncomfortable, “but I could have bought them.”

“Oh, but Antoine is a real gentleman,” Hugo laughs softly.

Yes, I’m starting to be aware of that.

*-*

After a moment of talking with the three Bleus, greeting Corentin Tolisso and Didier Deschamps and visiting le first floor of the castle, Antoine decides to give me a visit of the parc. He points at the younger team’s building, the auditorium and the other building. We walk to the woods which is all around the parc when se see Louisa and Benjamin come back from it, speaking vividly.

“My,” Antoine says with a small laugh, “they do seem like they get along.”

“Indeed,” I say.

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen Benji like that,” he says more seriously. “It’s nice to see him happy. He’s a good dude, and a real friend. I wouldn’t have let your friend with him if I didn’t trust him. His girlfriend left him,” he adds as if we were complotting. “Just like that, for no reason. He really loved her, it almost broke him. He doesn’t feel like seeing someone else yet, so Louisa is safe with him.”

I nod. Benjamin and Louisa come closer, still talking and laughing. They wave at us as we walk to the wood. If Clairefontaine seems generally peaceful – except for maybe the castle – the wood is probably the most peaceful place all around. It’s kind of romantic, when you think about it.

“This is a nice place,” I say without really thinking.

Antoine doesn’t answer and stares at me. His eyes go from my eyes to my mouth and then he kisses me like he never kissed me before. I thought our first kiss after our date was passionate, but it’s nothing compared to this one. The feeling of dizziness is a hundred times more powerful, and I feel something warm in my belly. My arms go around his neck and the kiss gets harder. I feel Antoine making me walk back and a few seconds after I feel a tree against my back. His hands grab my hips and his lips descend from my mouth to my chin and then my neck. Oh my God. The warm sensation inside of me increases and Antoine puts his hands under my shirt. The cold sensation of his hands on my skin makes me shiver as his lips kisses every centimeter of my neck. He suddenly stops, and I’m about to ask him to do it again when his face slightly comes back to mine. I open my eyes and try to catch my breath, feeling as if my heart is gonna come out of my chest.

“What are you doing to me?” he whispers, his eyes in mine.

Before I can answer, he kisses my neck and then comes back to my lips. My hands touch his light brown hair and soon my fingers run through it. His mouth lets out a sigh of contentment and I feel him slightly pulling up my shirt. I should tell him to stop, but I can’t. One of his hands leave my limbs to grab my leg and put it against his hip, without his lips ever leaving mine. Please don’t ever make him stop. At this moment, we hear conversations and laughs from the castle. After a few seconds, Antoine somewhat gets his face away from mine, his nose almost touching mine and his breath on my neck.

“I think they’re waiting for you,” I whisper, hoping he won’t hear the regret in my voice.

He puts me back on the ground, as only one of my feet were touching the ground, and I give him one last kiss. I caress his cheek and when I see his smile, I know he’ll finish what he started soon or later.

*-*

I try to fix my hair as much as I can – because of course Mr. Griezmann ruined it – as we go back to the castle. We see Didier outside, surrounded by his assistant, most of the players and Louisa, who talks with Benjamin and Steve Mandanda. I quickly pray that I don’t have any hickey.

“Training session is on, Grizou,” Didier says. “Ladies, you can watch it if you like,” he ads for Louisa and me.

“Are you sure it won’t be a problem?” I ask, and I see Louisa agreeing with me.

“Of course not,” Antoine answers with an appeasing tone.

“We’re not used to have such a charming public”, Paul says. “so it’s a big change. Right, lads?”

The other approve and we head for the training fields, Louisa walking between me and her new friend. She gives me an interrogating and amused look but I don’t say anything and let her know I’ll tell her later. I’m sure she also has things to tell me – even though I won’t give her all the details of my moment in the wood with Antoine.

I talk with her and Emilien when I notice Antoine observing Emilien in a strange way. Once they’re on the fields, the team get in formation and Louisa and I sit in seats protected from the sun. I try to learn more about the moment Louisa shared with Benjamin, but she remains silent and I eventually give up, perfectly knowing she’ll tell me everything once we’ll be alone. Even if she doesn’t say anything, I see that she keeps looking at Benjamin, who in return sometimes gives her sweet small smiles. If last time Antoine did look at me from time to time, this time their number is multiplicated by two and I feel myself blush. Just like last time, I don’t get bored one bit, and neither does Louisa. The most amusing part of the training sessions is them shooting. They all shoot each at the time, Hugo catching several balls. Antoine walks up, focused. I saw him focused during a match, but being actually near him and seeing his determined face, he’s…hot.

“He really is focused, isn’t he?” Louisa asks me.

“He is,” I whisper.

“He looks at you this way,” she says with a lower voice. “As if you were the only thing in the world.”

I look at her before hearing a noise and a scream of joy.

“Yes!” Antoine scream, toddling. “Gaby did you see this one?

I nod, smile and clap. It’s Emilien’s turn to shoot. He scores too but Hugo protests that it was off-side.

“It wasn’t, dude, I promise,” Emilien laugh, running a hand in his blond hair.

“Not to be rude, brother,” Olivier says in a soothing voice, “I think Cap is right, it was off-side.”

“I think so too,” Antoine adds.

“How about we ask the judges of the day?” Emilien answers. “Girls?”

I don’t know anything about football, bro, why do you have to come to me like that?

“I think the boys are right,” I answer, and Louisa approves. “Sorry, Emilien.”

“Ah, see.” Antoine says.

Emilien is still not convinced, but he gladly accepts to shoot again. This time, Hugo stops it and his teammates compliments him. After the training session, we decide it’s time for us to leave, as I work this afternoon – and Louisa has to leave with me, unless a player kindly bring her back to Paris.

“Stay for lunch, Paul proposes as the other players head for the dining room. “It feels good to have new people here.

“Thank you,” I answer, “but I wouldn’t want to take advantage of the system.”

He stares at me and slightly frowns.

“Who tells you the system is not taking advantage of you?”

Antoine gives Paul a cold look, so much so I think for a second that he’s gonna jump on him. I didn’t think that such a nice and warm person could have so much anger in their eyes. Their a confused moment of silence and I have a hard time figuring out what is going on. Olivier coughs, bringing everyone back to reality.

“He meant abusing your charming company,” he reassures with a smoothing smile to me, “right Paul?”

“Of course,” Paul answers with a nonchalant voice.

“Let’s go,” Antoine says coldly.

He grabs my arm and takes me to the dining room, where we others are already sited. Antoine points at a chair to his and I sit between him and Paul. As for Louisa, she is sat between Hugo and Benjamin. The atmosphere is very joyful and way calmer than I expected. Antoine becomes his normal, joyful self and we talk with Paul and Emilien. The food is delicious and I have to say I’m having a real good time – and watching her talk vividly with Benjamin, Louisa seems to feel the same. After dessert, I check the time and see with regret that I have to go if I don’t want to arrive late at work. I let Antoine know and walk to Didier and the other members of the staff, who have already finished eating and get up at the same as I do.

“Thank you for everything, sir.”

“Please call me Didier. Antoine told me you’re coming to the match against the United-States?”

“Absolutely,” I answer. “Thank you for the tickets.”

“Of course. See you soon.”

When I leave the room, Louisa follows me and greet everybody goodbye before smiling at Benjamin. Antoine walks us to the door, and Louisa greets him before leaving us alone.

“Thanks for everything,” I say again. “It did Louisa some good, and it did me some good too.”

“Us too.”

“Are you sure you’re not have a problem with the coach or that your mates aren’t gonna tease you?” I ask.

The first question is an obsession.

“Oh, we tease each other for less that than,” he laughs softly. “Speaking of problems, though…”

Antoine looks at the ground for a second before looking at the window.

“The only problem I have,” he says, “is that the more I see you, the more I hate watching you leave.”

I have to take a second to understand the information.

“I feel the same,” I admit in a low voice, my eyes lowered. “I don’t like saying goodbye to you.”

He takes my hips, makes me come closer and puts his forehead on mine. I put my hands on his warm cheeks and kiss him. He kisses me back tenderly and it’s somehow as enjoyable as the kiss in the woods. We eventually separate, my hand in his.

“See you.”

“Bye.”0

I hear chairs moving and people going up stairs. I smile at him before opening the door, and at the moment when I lave the building, I swear I hear a sigh. I walk to the car, where Louisa is waiting for me, when I feel like somebody is watching me. I turn to the castle and expect Antoine to be staring at me from the window. But at a window on the second floor, for a short second, I perceive blond hair. 

*-*

I drop Louisa to our apartment for heaving up to work. I arrive slightly early and greet the welcoming ladies. I take the elevator to my floor and try to continue the organization of the gala, even if my brain just won’t stop thinking about what happened in the woods with Antoine. I think of his lips on my neck, his hands on my skin and a shiver goes down my spine. I shake my head and focuses on my work. Even if my ultimate goal is to be a translator and I’m taking a course to do that, I’ll admit that organizing a gala isn’t that bad. The most difficult part is to call people when you’re very shy and to pick things that my mother will like. When I’m about to take a break, I take the opportunity to learn more about the Bleus in general and their upcoming games – at least those at home. Searching up on the internet, I find an article whose title is very different from the others. If most articles talk about the upcoming World Cup, players that weren’t called by Didier Deschamps, some of the pictures the payers posted of their families, this article talks of a night club where most of the team went and got in a fight with other people. It’s really surprising considering no other website talk about that night. I tell myself that’s it’s probably just click bait when I’m distracted by my phone ringing. I look at it see my grand-mother’s name.

“Hello, darling.”

“Hi grandma, how are you? I’m sorry I didn’t call you earlier.”

“It’s alright, dear, I know you’re very busy.”

If she only knew. She asks about my parents and Noah’s health, talk about her neighbors, her plants, and book club and her volunteering in a charity for people in need. It runs in the family it would seem.

“I’ve read in a newspaper that the mayor is going to increase the library’s budget.”

She’s so adorable, how can I not be happy when she is?

“By the way, darling, was it you I saw in that magazine?”

“Oh, I guess so, it must have been for the gala,” I answer. “I was in charge of the last one.”

“Oh no, dear, I saw articles about the gala weeks ago. That one was talking about you and a boy.”

I almost choke on my water and my colleagues give me a weird look.

“What do you mean me ‘and a boy’?” I ask.

Jesus Christ.

I jump from my chair, my phone on my ear. Ignoring the surprised gazes of my colleagues, I leave the room, take the elevator – for the first time it seems slow – to the first floor and walk quickly to the newsagent nearby, 200 feet from the building. There are not many people at this hour and I walk to the end of the room. I observe all the magazines my eyes can see, and after two minutes I see the magazine my grand-mother wasn’t talking about.

Antoine Griezmann dating : who is his new darling, Gabrielle Darian?

“You’re right,” I say. “It was me.”

I quickly read the magazine before finding the page about Antoine and I. Damn it, I knew it. All around the text are pictures of him and I in front of the restaurant, and there is even one where we are about to kiss. Sighing, I go to pay the magazine and leave. I go back to the building and my floor where I’m alone, as all my coworkers left for a break.

“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” my grand-mother tells me.

Neither did I, grandma, neither did I.

“Neither did I,” I sigh. “I didn’t even know we were a couple, it’s…it’s very recent.”

“I see. But who is he? Is he famous?”

“Yes,” I answer. “He’s…His name is Antoine, he’s a football player.”

“Professional?”

“Yes, he plays for Madrid and the National Team.”

“Well, well. How did you guys meet?”

I quickly explain to her that we met at the gala – without telling her about him and my mates inviting themselves. She asks me several other questions but is happy for me.

“Can I you a question, Gabrielle?”

 Her voice, despite remaining sweet, became serious.”

“Of course.”

“Do you love this boy?”

*-*

After my day is over, I head for the exit of the building, my conversation with my grand-mother being stuck in my head. Do you love this boy? I thought I was in love with the boy I dated when I finished high school, but I realize that what I feel for Antoine is very different, and way stronger. I can’t stop thinking about him, which keeps me from sleeping – which isn’t that bad, though, as I keep having nightmares lately – and as I told him, when I am with him I want this moment to continue. When my grand-mother asked me that question, I answered her that I didn’t know. But the truth is, seeing hos things are going, it will be the case soon. So the real question is: when will I make the mistake of falling in love with him?

I’m so deep in my thoughts that only a small pain in my shoulder is able to bring me back to reality.

“Oh, sorry.”

“No, that’s on me…Gabrielle?!”

I raise my head and see a young woman with blond hair and large grey eyes. I’m about to ask her if we know one another when a memory strikes me.

“Ornella?”

Ornella, Noah’s one-night girlfriend he brought at one of our galas. When I saw her that night she was wearing a pretty nice dress, high heels and make up, today she is wearing a jean, a washed-out jacket and snickers, and her hair is in a ponytail. I’m surprised but happy to see her.

“How are you? What’s brings you here?”

“Oh, I’m visiting my aunt, she lives in the neighborhood.”

We chat, asking about our respective families’ health, and she tells me she is seeing someone at the moment. I’m relieved to hear it, as it happened before that one of Noah’s “girlfriends” can’t move on after their break-up. We exchange our phone numbers and promise to go have a coffee with Louisa soon. I head for the apartment, and when I hear Louisa on the phone – unless she’s talking to herself – I’m afraid she’s fighting with her mother again but I hear her laugh. She hangs up the moment I enter the living room and smiles at me.

“Was it Tatiana?” I ask.

Her smile doesn’t disappear and her cheeks turn pink.

“It was Benjamin.” she answers shyly, almost embarrassed.

“Pavard?” I say, surprise.

“Obviously,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Which other Benjamin do you want me to call? Benjamin Button?

I pour two glasses of apple juice and sit down next to her.

“You two got along well, then,” I tease her.

“Oh my gosh, Gaby,” Louisa says in an excited tone, turning to me. “He is so nice. And so funny and adorable.”

She starts a monologue of fifteen minutes – I counted – about how nice, funny, adorable, hilarious, respectful Benjamin is and she’s so happy that I don’t stop her. Once she’s done, I ask her what they talked about in the woods.

“Oh, anything and everything,” she answers in a calm tone with the same smile. “Of our families – I just told him I had a sister, as you can guess -, of college, of his club. Like you and Griezmann, I guess. Speak of the devil, what did you two talk about in the woods?

“Nothing special.”

“Did you kiss?” she asks with a teasing smile.

“Yes, we did.”

“And?”

“And nothing, we just talked and kissed, that’s all.”

This isn’t technically a lie. Louisa insists, and it’s hard not to tell her anything else. I always thought that she picked her course well, as she is very good at talking with people and make them admit their secrets or things they wouldn’t tell anybody else. When it’s time, we prepare diner and after eating we decide to go to sleep early, her because she works early tomorrow and me because I need sleep. Before entering her room, Louisa turns to me.

“They are very nice, though, letting us come to their place and stuff.”

I look at the last text Antoine sent me, whishing me a good night and I feel something weird in my stomach.

“Yes. Yes, they are.”

Want to be tagged? Just use my Ask-Box!

Masterlist

[leaving-fragments]

leo : losing game

[translatedvixx]

[Lyrics] VIXX (Leo) - Losing Game

Everything is done how you want I can’t stop you I’m used to your self-centered words And feelings, so never mind

You filled up the empty space Now you turn around and say bye bye There's nothing left, just this filled emptiness and I

At some point the blue sky turned to darkness Your warm gaze turned cold You push me away with barbed words You know that I love you

shoot me down, Kill me now It’s an unwinnable fight I know how it’ll end But once again I go round and round The word “love” hurts more I’m falling down falling down Baby

I need you right here Need you right here If this is love too, I’ll be fine I can’t be without you yeah But I know I’ll regret it again

I need you right here Need you right here If it’s a scar from you, it’s alright From the beginning, this was a losing game yeah Ruin me and mess me up You and I are already a losing game

Yeah yeah losing game yeah Yeah yeah losing game yeah Yeah yeah losing game yeah

No matter how I try day and night   I guess I can’t escape you Baby I know, I think I’m losing my mind, Oh no

shoot me down, Kill me now It’s an unwinnable fight I know how it’ll end But once again I go round and round The word “love” hurts more I’m falling down falling down Baby

I need you right here Need you right here If this is love too, I’ll be fine I can’t be without you yeah But I know I’ll regret it again

I need you right here Need you right here If it’s a scar from you, it’s alright From the beginning, this was a losing game yeah Ruin me and mess me up You and I are already

I still need you Even if you tear up my heart I can’t let you go, ‘Cause I love you Don’t leave me alone in a world without you

I need you right here Need you right here If this is love too, I’ll be fine I can’t be without you yeah But I know I’ll regret it again

I need you right here Need you right here If it’s a scar from you, it’s alright From the beginning, this was a losing game yeah Ruin me and mess me up You and I are already a losing game

Everything is done 너의 맘대로 막을 수 없어 나의 맘대로 일방적인 너의 말투 감정도 익숙해서 never mind

멋대로 빈자리를 채우고 이제와 뒤돌아 서서 say bye bye 남은 게 없어 채워진 공허함 and I

어느새 파랗던 하늘은 darkness 따스하던 너의 눈빛은 cold 가시 박힌 말로 나를 밀어내 You know that I love you

shoot me down, Kill me now 이길 수 없는 싸움 끝을 알고 있지만 결국엔 또 round and round 사랑이란 말이 더 아파 I’m falling down falling down Baby

I need you right here Need you right here 이것도 사랑이라면 I’ll be fine 난 너 없인 안되니까 yeah 또 후회할 걸 알지만

I need you right here Need you right here 네가 남긴 상처라면 it’s alright 처음부터 이건 losing game yeah 날 망가뜨리고 흐트러놔 너와 난 이미 losing game

Yeah yeah losing game yeah Yeah yeah losing game yeah Yeah yeah losing game yeah

아무리 애써도 day and night   난 너를 벗어날 수 없나 봐 Baby I know, I think I’m losing my mind, Oh no

shoot me down, Kill me now 이길 수 없는 싸움 끝을 알고 있지만 결국엔 또 round and round 사랑이란 말이 더 아파 I’m falling down falling down Baby

I need you right here Need you right here 이것도 사랑이라면 I’ll be fine 난 너 없인 안되니까 yeah 또 후회할 걸 알지만

I need you right here Need you right here 네가 남긴 상처라면 it’s alright 처음부터 이건 losing game yeah 날 망가뜨리고 흐트러놔 너와 난 이미

아직 내겐 네가 필요해 온통 내 맘을 헤집어도 놓을 수가 없어 Cause I love you 네가 없는 세상 속에 혼자 두지 마

I need you right here Need you right here 이것도 사랑이라면 I’ll be fine 난 너 없인 안되니까 yeah 또 후회할 걸 알지만

I need you right here Need you right here 네가 남긴 상처라면 it’s alright 처음부터 이건 losing game yeah 날 망가뜨리고 흐트러놔 너와 난 이미 losing game

[audiophiliacfan]

Said she wanted romance Telling me its all love girl you do it often

Said it'll be the last time Blame it on emotions girl u know we're broken

Don't make it worse look me in the eye Where did we cross the line Girl did it cross your mind

Stay for one night its all the same Not gonna show it when I'm numbing down the pain

Love is such a losing game Give me yourself or nothin' X2 Am I asking too much

Love is such a losing game Give me yourself or nothin' X2 Is it enough knowing that Love is such a losing game

I don't wanna wake up thinkin' bout you sober yea feedin' my addictions but i'll do it over yea

She's all over me I can't feel my feelings is this what you wanted from me

Don't make it worse look me in the eye When did we cross the line Girl did it cross your mind

Roll up get high Girl its all the same Not gonna know it when I'm numbing down the pain

Love is such a losing game Give me yourself or nothin' X2 Am I asking too much

Love is such a losing game Give me yourself or nothin' X2 Is it enough knowing that Love is such a losing game

[nrp034]

[peonierose]

Losing Game 

Part 1 / 4

Book: Open Heart 

Pairing: Bryce Lahela (M!MC) x Luna Auclair (F!OC)

Rating: Mature / Angst 

TW: Mental health

Words: 1,000+

Summary: Bryce visits his dad in prison. How will that go? Will they reunite or will they stay apart forever? 

A/N: Please note that this is a very personal story. One I wasn't sure I’d ever post. A huge thank you to @ofmischiefandmedicine-deactivat Linds you were a huge help with this story, it’s sad you’re no longer on tumblr but I’m thankful for your help more than I can say 💚 @annieruok94 and @doriopenheart Thank you for cheering me on with this story it truly means the world to me 🧡💚🩵🩷

Sidenote: Here’s some music to listen to for Part 1 🥰

Part 1

Bryce

I wake up not having slept at all. Tossing and turning in bed all night.

It’s my one day off in the whole week. I talked to the chief to get this day off. When she asked me why I just said personal reasons. Not wanting to say more.

I lie in bed and when I turn around I see Lunes is still fast asleep. I push the blue comforter aside and slowly get up to not wake her.

She stirs and I hold my breath but then she sighs, turns around, and keeps on sleeping.

I get dressed and take my surfboard and head down to the beach.

Needing to get my head around how I’m going to feel about seeing my dad after all these years.

Did he miss me? Did he ever ask about me? It feels weird and scary as all get out. It’s as if I don’t even know him. Or at least not the part where he committed a crime.

I don’t like to talk about what my parents did. How many people they hurt with their actions. I sometimes wish I could erase that part. But if I did? I would’ve never met Lunes, and I would’ve never made such awesome friends at Edenbrook.

I sigh. I put my surfboard into the sand and just sat there on the sand, ankles crossed. Digging my toes into the sand.

Not really seeing anyone.

There are just a couple of people around the beach at 5.30 in the morning.

I close my eyes briefly. Just focusing on my breathing.

Hearing seagulls make their morning calls, smelling the sea, almost tasting the salty air and the rich flowery scent. Engulfing me in a sweet embrace.

When I reopen my eyes I can see a bit clearer. I get up, dust off the sand from my shorts, and get into the water.

When I sit on my surfboard and feel the water on my hands I feel more at peace than anywhere else in the world.

Everything fades into the background when I’m in the water. It’s just me and the sea.

I get up and catch a wave just riding it out. I do it a couple of times until I feel I’m ready to face Luna. Look into her eyes and lie to her. I hate not telling her. We tell each other everything. But I guess a part of me is just scared to talk about my past with Luna.

When I get out of the water, I shake off the remaining water out of my hair.

It could use a trim. I haven’t even noticed that it's gotten longer.

I get my surfboard and walk the short distance home. When I get to our beautiful home I just take in the view as I lean the surfboard against the wall of the house and take a shower outside.

Leaning one hand on the wall of the shower for strength.

Water dripped from my hair, past my shoulders. And I watch as the water disappears into the drain.

When the water turns cold I turn the shower off, grab a towel and walk inside.

I see Lunes is up making breakfast. Being her cheerful self. I smile softly.

She’s alone in the kitchen which means Keiki must be still asleep since it’s a Saturday. She’ll probably meet with her study group later.

Lunes looks up.

”Looks like someone was up early,“ she smiles while drinking her chamomile tea with some brown sugar.

”What no coffee?“ I tease her.

She points a finger at me.

”You know damn well I can’t drink coffee. Now you’re just rubbing it in,“ she says, sipping her tea slowly.

I grin and turn towards the coffee machine and my chipper smile fades away. Now that my back is turned I don’t have to smile. I don’t have to pretend to be cheery when I’m not.

My reflection in the toaster stares back at me. My brown eyes, usually so bright and vibrant, seem tired and worn out.

I sigh quietly and pour some coffee into my favorite mug I got from Lunes and Keiki.

”Hot as fuck surgeon“ Making me smile as I put two teaspoons of sugar inside and stir it. The spoon clinks against the porcelain.

Making the sound echo louder in the kitchen than I thought it would. I turn around as I blow over my coffee, to not burn my tongue.

I can hear Lunes talk about some art piece of a student she has to assess but she doesn’t want to give him too good of a grade, but she also doesn’t want to give him a bad one. So naturally, she feels torn.

I listen with half an ear and sip from my coffee.

”Then I think I’ll try out my new sex toy.“

Luna's words get me out of my haze.

I look up and grin.

”Please I want in,“ I say, a bit too enthusiastic.

She grunts.

”What is it about guys getting excited about sex toys,“ she says and gets out some fruit loops from the cupboard.

I watch her but don’t say anything about her eating too much sugar. What’s the point? She’ll eat it anyway. Though I have to grin because her stubbornness is hot as hell.

”Trust me if you were in my shoes you’d find it hot too,“ I say, grabbing a banana from the fruit basket.

She rolls her eyes.

”As if. That’s like asking if I get turned on by you using sex toys,“ she says angrily shoving fruit loops into her mouth.

”And do you?“ I ask, wanting to know if she’d be turned on by it.

But I just want to escape this conversation. Luna sees everything.

It’s why our relationship works so well. Because we talk about everything and anything. We’re each others safe haven.

At least until I decided not to tell her where I’m going today. It’s hard to smile every day when you don’t feel like it.

I look down at my coffee as if it holds all the answers I need.

Luna laughs and I look up.

”I mean yeah sure,“ she’s thinking about it and I just sip my coffee and shake my head smirking.

We finish our breakfast in silence. Each of us hangs on to our own thoughts.

I put the dishes in the dishwasher. Luna gave me her bowl and her spoon and I put both in.

”Wanna watch a movie?“ She asks hugging me.

The perfect distraction before I have to see my dad.

My posture stiffens at that.

She notices my stiffness.

”Uhh or how about a massage? I bought these essential oils. Lavender scented,“ she says, wiggling her eyebrows.

”Admit it. You just want to get your hands on me,“ I say.

She laughs.

”That is very true. Come on, we'll have some fun. Forget the movie. Getting you naked is way more fun than a movie,“ she says and drags me to our bedroom.

A massage sounds really good.

Hopefully, it’ll ease the tension in my shoulders.

Two hours later…

Who knew I’d be this scared? Well, terrified is more like it.

I blow out a breath and hate myself for hiding this from Luna.

We don’t keep secrets. And it’s not for a lack of trust. It’s just I wanted to do this on my own. I know she would’ve come along and supported me if I asked her.

She’s the kindest, most supportive person I’ve ever met. Who gives selflessly without expecting anything in return. I’m fucking lucky to have her.

My heart squeezes when I think of not having her here by my side. To lean on. To draw strength from.

But I wanted to get a feel for the whole situation first. Keiki doesn’t know either.

I stare ahead at the Halawa Correctional Facility. I learned that they put Dad here instead of Maui, fearing someone could attack him in prison there.

The sun is cruelly beating down on me as I’m sitting in my car sweating just thinking of going inside.

I push the hair that’s gotten slightly longer out of my face, get out of the car, and enter the building.

When I’m inside I get patted down and have to answer a bunch of questions. I go through the motions like a robot. Like an outside-of-a-body experience. As if it’s not happening to me. Rather someone else.

I get a visitor's badge, clip it to my jeans, and get directed to the visitor’s area.

When I enter the room I see an older man in an orange jumpsuit sitting at a table. All by himself. Hunched over and completely immersed in his meal.

I look at the guard and he points me to that exact table. I steel myself, gulp down my nausea, and walk in that direction.

When I sit down the man who looks so much like me looks up from his lunch which consists of some rice and beans with some chicken on the side.

His gaze looks gaunt and tired. As if the years haven’t been kind to him. I guess that’s what you get for robbing people of their money.

His brown eyes spark with recognition at seeing me.

”Hey Dad,“ I say, putting my hands on the table. Interlacing them.

He stops eating for a moment. To just look at me.

”Bryce. I didn’t expect to see you…“ he says the surprise clear in his voice.

I rub my neck to buy some time on what to say.

”I wasn’t sure if I would come but I…“ I say and bite my tongue.

He raises his eyebrows.

His former dark brown hair is now tinted with grey. Though it hasn’t lost its shine and wave.

”To what do I owe this honor of a visit from you then?“ He asks.

I sigh.

”Really? This is how it’s going to go? I knew I shouldn’t have come,“ I say about to get up.

His voice stops me in my tracks.

”I…please have a seat. I‘m sorry I didn’t mean it like that. I‘m happy you’re here to visit. Why didn’t you bring Keiki along?“ He asks, looking around as if my little sister will suddenly materialize out of thin air. Yeah right.

I sit back down and stare at him.

He’s a completely different guy. Gone is the arrogant smile. The vibrancy. All that is left is an empty shell of a guy.

I run my hand down my face. Already feeling completely exhausted.

”Keiki doesn’t know I’m here nor does Luna,“ I say and feel a knot form in my stomach. It feels like I’m betraying her trust. Both of their trust.

He looks confused.

”Who is Luna?“ He asks.

That’s right. He probably has no idea what’s been going on in my life. I feel like he stabbed me right in the heart.

Did mom not tell him when she visited? Did she even visit?

Should I have told him about Luna sooner? Maybe written him a letter? Would he have read my letter?

So many questions are circling inside my head. It’s giving me a headache. Maybe I can get some answers to my questions during my visit today.

I wet my dry lips. Wishing I’d had some water to sip from.

”Where to even begin?“ I ask myself.

He leans forward into his chair.

”We’ve got about 25 minutes until I have to go back into my cell. So maybe the speedy version would be good?“ He says a slow smile gracing his face and I can see traces of the dad I once knew. The one I grew up with.

Who took me to my first football game. Who let me throw my first party and wasn’t mad at all the party people and the pricey alcohol we consumed. Who bought me condoms and said just be safe son. I smile at that memory.

I’d like a chance to see that dad again someday. Without ghosts of the past haunting us.

”A lot has happened. I became a surgeon and finished my residency at Edenbrook Hospital in Boston. Moved back to Hawaii where I now live with my fiancé Luna,“ I smile as I talk about Luna.

My dad smiles.

”Tell me, is she good to you?“ he asks with laughter visible in his brown eyes.

I grin in turn.

”She’s the best dad. She’s an artist. She teaches at the University of Hawaii. We’re expecting soon so…“ I finish feeling my cheeks redden for some reason.

My dad has a proud expression on his face.

”I’m really happy for you son. After everything…“ He says.

”Why did you and mom do it, dad?“ I ask a question I’ve been looking for an answer to for a long time.

My dad leans back in his chair and seems to think hard about what to say.

”We did it for our family. We didn’t think we’d hurt anyone. After all, it was just money. Money some people had so much of, they didn’t know what to do with. So we took some of it for our own,“ he says.

”Dad. How could you think you wouldn’t hurt anyone? These people lost their money. Money that we spent. It was dirty money. Money we had no right to have,“ I say hissing trying to not let the past actions of my parents rob me of getting closure and finding some peace in knowing they regret what they did.

My dad nods.

”I know that now. But back then. I…We were selfish and only thought of ourselves, instead of thinking how many lives we would wreak havoc upon,“ he admits his voice gone hoarse as if he was holding back tears.

I have to gulp down some tears of my own. Trying to blink them away. Though some errand tears cover my eyelashes.

”Yeah you and mom screwed up dad. A lot. So many lives were ruined. Keiki and I went through hell in school. We became enemy number one overnight. I finished high school and got the hell out of there. But Keiks wasn’t so lucky. They attacked her on school grounds on her first day,“ I say still angry about that. My fists clench at the table. My teeth grind together.

”They what?“ He says, his voice gotten protective when I mentioned Keiki was attacked.

”Yeah. She told me,“ I say and I’m still angry about that.

He looks at me as if he can sense I’m still angry about it. I mean how couldn’t I be? But I’m trying to move forward. Holding grudges isn’t healthy. Lunes and I are building our life and our future together.

I know she’d love my parents to be in our children’s lives. To have two sets of grandparents for our twins and give them all the love they deserve.

I breathe out through my nose. Trying to reign in my emotions. I can fall apart later. When nobody is looking. This way I show a strong front. Without revealing anything.

”I know if I could go back in time…“ he starts his voice pleading.

”You can’t go back in time dad. There’s no time machine. All you can do now is try to earn back people's trust. Which is going to take some time.“

He stares at me and then looks away. Knowing it’s true.

I move on.

”How much longer have you got?“ I ask, wanting to know when he’s getting out.

It feels weird sitting here. Asking my dad all these questions. As If I’m getting to know him. Again.

After we’ve spent so much time apart. Not because we wanted to. It’s because the circumstances forced our hand.

He sighs as if he’s getting tired of hearing this question, and I bet he can’t wait to get out of prison.

”I’m getting out on parole. Five months and I’m a semi-free man again,“ he says longing in his voice.

His eyes gazed into space. As if he’s picturing getting out and feeling the sunshine on his face again.

I lean forward.

”That’s good to hear dad,“ I say and I’m about to open my mouth to say something when the guard indicates my visiting time is almost over. I nod and gesture for one more minute and he inclines his head.

”I’d like to meet Luna. She sounds nice,“ he looks at me and I can see tears glistening in his eyes.

I don’t answer him, because Luna doesn’t know I’m here today. And I don’t know how she’d feel visiting my father in prison. I feel shame about this part of my life. I haven’t done anything wrong. Though I still feel responsible.

I squeeze his shoulder and he puts his hand on my own for a brief second. I smile and walk towards the exit. Feeling tired. More exhausted than after a ten-hour surgery.

Getting into my car the first thing I do is cry. Where no one can see me. Crying for all the years we’ve been out of each other’s life. Because of one wrong decision. God. What a fucking mess.

I wipe away at my face and start the car, my hands shaking slightly. I sigh. Not again. I fucking hate it when my hands start to shake.

I just drove around for a while. When I sense I’m getting tired I turn towards the road to our house. When I arrived at the driveway I put the car in park and turned off the engine.

Just sitting there dreading going inside the house and facing a conversation with Lunes. She’d be the last person to judge me I know that. But I’m scared shitless.

I draw in a deep breath, gather my strength, and get outside the car.

Things will work out as they always do. I know they will.

[kdlanguishing]

"But I wonder about the other stuff too, that they don’t write self help books on. How do you talk about your friends in a group? Can you, in a group like this? Maybe not. And in a group like that where you can’t talk, what do you do? I can feel the sense of boundaries, of calm and measured and distant statements. Of, “I suppose you’ll have to ask her about that.” Of, “I would prefer not to talk about it, it doesn’t feel like my business.”" "And yes, people will take offense. People will fear you, feel insecure, feel like you’re judging them, feel like you’re distant compared to the friends who eagerly lean in and spill the beans. And maybe that will trigger an avalanche- this is the thing you can’t win. Or maybe they’ll come to respect it, and confide in you knowing you really will keep the secret. Maybe there are waves of immature backlash you patiently ride out, while spending time with other, better friends. Maybe you read a group like this and forgo the learning experiene of hearing other people’s stories secondhand, knowing the sharing can’t be done with respect." April 10th, 2023