#love they claim I have nothing witty to say meanwhile all they could use against me was… that I’m floridian?

[my-chemical-rot]

Imagine being homophobic on a post about Baby Snoopy of all things… like you’re arguing with a stranger for no good reason and pull the “your state legislation makes your life harder!” card, like that makes you look good? Goes against everything Snoopy and all the Peanuts characters stand for… sad!!

[nari-nim]

forever anticipating

“hi i don't know if your requests are open but if they are can you write an scenario in which hyunsuk sets jihoon and y/n on a blind date? fluffy? btw do you think he would kiss on the first date?”

aww anonie this is the cutest request! time for some SOFT JIHOON HOURS!  To answer your question, I think Jihoon is highly intuitive and can read body language well so he will use that to inform his decision whether or not to go for the kiss! If his date is down, he will not hesitate. I hope you enjoy the direction I took :) lmk what you think!! 💓

This is how Jihoon secretly looks at you when you aren’t looking during your date. gif credit goes to @khaly-no​

Treasure Jihoon x Y/N

warnings: none, this FLUFFY

word count: 1.8k

— the dorms —

Video game night was in full swing and it has never been louder in the dorms. Jeongwoo screeched over the sound of six other members’ simultaneous bickering. Meanwhile, Asahi decided now was the perfect time hit whoever blinked with a couch pillow. Normally, Hyunsuk wouldn’t have tolerated this level of rowdiness under his roof. But he was busy. He sat quietly on the far end of the sofa tapping furiously into his phone, a sly smile plastered across his features.

“Hey, Jihoon—oh my god,” Hyunsuk said, his smile melting as soon as he looked up. The chaos activated his leader (mother) mode. “Jihoon-Jeongwoo get down. Jeongwoo, please. Haruto, wait--Junkyu-Junkyu- ASAHI”

Asahi stopped. The rest followed suit.

The room turned to normal levels of volume, and Hyunsuk was able to try again. 

“Jihoon, come here.” Jihoon perked up from his Mashiho impersonation, and got up to join Hyunsuk.

“Bro, you should join us. Junghwan is killing it, you don’t want to miss his true maknae on top moment.” (He’s actually not, the beloved super king cow king baby is getting crushed by Haruto every round). Jihoon slid next to Hyunsuk, glancing at his phone screen. “What are you...”

Hyunsuk flashed him a cheeky smile and hid what he was working on for the past half hour.

“You’re going on a blind date tomorrow.”

“No way, this feels somewhat illegal. Tell me more.”

“Her name is y/n and I met her through a mutual friend. They go to uni together and we met at that hangout I went to last weekend. Park Jun, she is exactly your type. You gotta trust me on this one.”

Jihoon blinked at him, for once without a witty remark. Jihoon squinted at Hyunsuk, and chuckled in disbelief. Reality was hitting him and logic does not like that shit eating grin on Hyunsuk’s face.

“Hyunsuk, you’re setting me up? You, really? This is actually happening? Right before our flight to Japan?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow early morning at the Han River. You’ll have a few hours before we head over to Incheon.” 

Jihoon ruffled his hair and sat back into the couch. He sucked in a breath. Hyunsuk frowned, “you don’t want to? Sorry man, I really thought your vibes would’ve matched and-“

“Oh no no, hyung, I’m just...worried since we’re going to promote in Japan for the next two weeks and our schedules are so busy. It might end up hurting us both,” Jihoon confessed. “And it’s been forever since I last been on a date.”

“Nah I think you’re worrying way too much in advance. The policy is chill now and, hey, who can say no to waiting a few weeks for those abs,” Hyunsuk reassured. 

“Oh right, I’m going to flash my abs the fifth minute in,” Jihoon said sarcastically. He did make a mental note, though, because if you really are that cute? He’ll need that Plan G.

“Here, I’ll text you the address now. You better not flake and make me look bad.”

“HEY! What are you guys WHISPERING about!” Jeongwoo said, looking at them suspiciously. Simultaneously, the nonactive players of the game whipped their heads to stare at the pair.

“Nothing, the grownups are talking” Jihoon joked, dramatically nodding and shooting thumbs up at Hyunsuk. Jihoon left the resulting hysterics and sound of Hyunsuk cackling behind for the comforts of his room where he checked his buzzing phone. Turns out, Hyunsuk had attached the pictures of you, figuring he would give Jihoon that peace of mind (and a way to find you tomorrow) under the instructions.

Holy shit. 

Jihoon eyes widened. You are exactly his type. Jihoon couldn’t stop staring at your smiling features. The soft smile that colored his features never left his face for the rest of the night.

He couldn’t wait.

— Han River —

Wow ok, this is slightly worse than evaluation days, Jihoon decided, nervously kicking a small pebble around on the dusty road.

“Hey, Jihoon?”

Jihoon froze for a millisecond and turned around to face you.

You looked ethereal in the early morning sun. The light reflected off your lovely features, illuminating the kind glow of your smile. Jihoon made another mental note to treat Hyunsuk to dinner once they land in Japan.

“The one and only. Y/n?”

“Yes,” you nodded shyly. “It’s nice to meet you, Jihoon.”

Jihoon loved hearing his name coming from your lips. Which were so pretty and pink and—

Jihoon cleared his throat. “Likewise.” After a small pause, “Is there anything you would like to do in particular while we get to know each other?”

You laughed, the sound music to Jihoon’s ears. He wants to hear that all the time now, he decided.

“I actually really like taking pictures of random beautiful things that pique my interest! Maybe we can just go for a walk and explore what we find beautiful about the Han River?”

“Perfect,” Jihoon smiled widely, which somehow grew when he noticed the blush in your cheeks.

And that’s how you two somehow went from exchanging detailed introductions to sharing hobbies to discussing life goals and values, all while snapping amazing scenery pics. This developed into a made up game of taking the best picture, judged entire on a subjective and nondemocratic point system. The winner gets uncontested glory and a copy of all the photos of the loser’s captured moments. 

“HAHA, y/n I just got the spiciest photo of these golden bell flowers over this ledge!”

“What, how??” You whipped around from trying to make some daisies look aesthetic. The competitive side of you was taking over.

“I guess it’s one of the perks of being taller,” Jihoon said, hopping down the said six foot tall ledge he spent the last few minutes scaling. He dusted his pants off carefully and flashed you his eye smile. In a singsong voice, he said, “and one of those perks is winning this game~”

Yeah you were not about to risk a broken arm for that picture. “Okay, fine, but show it to me?”

“Nuh uh.” He flashed you the picture in one second bursts, having the best time teasing you.

Jihoon paused. He got so comfortable with you in the last hour that he just teased you like he does with the other Treasure members. His worries were interrupted at the adorable sight of you giggling. He internally sighed of relief.

“NuH uH,” you mimicked backed at him, reaching for his phone. 

Jihoon quickly yanked his phone above his head, dramatically leaned his body so it was out of your reach. Surprised, you tried to change course. But in the spur of the moment, the momentum carried you just a tad too far. You bump slightly into his chest. Jihoon instinctively grabbed at you to prevent you from losing your balance further, his hands falling on your waist. His large hands felt so warm through the fabric, his breath brushing as the top of your forehead. You were so close.

His eyes widened, heat rushing to his cheeks. For a second, your eyes meet. You wonder if he can hear the thundering in your chest.

Jihoon quickly let go and took a step back, slightly bowing at you. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to grab you like that!”

You could tell your face was absolutely flushed at this point, but you made a show of brushing off your outfit and stuck your nose in the air, “as long as you don’t have cooties.”

“Ooh,” Jihoon winced. “I definitely do. Exclusive, premium, limited edition cooties.”

You laughed, thankful he didn’t press you on the obvious blush. Although it’s not like his face was any better.

“Hey, y/n,” Jihoon said, pulling you out of your internal monologue. “This might be about it for the date. My phone has actually been blowing up with reminders to get back.”

Oh, You tried to hide the sadness in your face. The few hours you spent together seemed to fly by so fast, and you definitely longed for more. Within the span of the date, he showed just how incredible he is—unyielding dedication to his dreams, selfless outlooks on life, and a kind, hilarious and loving personality that felt like sunshine on a rainy day.

Jihoon noticed the quiet pause, and softly asked, “May I walk you home?”

You let out an airy laugh. “Not unless you want to walk 45 minutes in one direction and an hour in the other, Park Jihoon. It’s okay, I’ll take the subway!”

“Right, right,” Jihoon chuckled. You guys reached an intersection leading pedestrians away from the river sidewalk. The signs pointed to your destinations in opposite directions, which felt too meta for your taste.

Jihoon turned to face you.

“You know, golden bell flowers means anticipation in flower language.” He looked the most serious he has ever been all morning.

You mustered yourself to look into his eyes.

“That’s suitable, Jihoon, because I anticipate for you to call me as soon as you safely land and are available.”

“Deal.”

Numbers and addresses (for postcards, he claims) were exchanged.

“Jihoon, I had an amazing time today.” You said, suddenly feeling shy again. A part of you wished you could walk him back, but that would attract unwanted attention.

“Me too, y/n. Thanks for waking up so early to spend all this time with me.” Jihoon said, the tone of his voice so soft and genuine.

He shifted a little closer, eyes flickering to your lips. 

Your eyes widened. 

He leaned in and gently rested his hand against the back of your head. His eyes searched yours, asking.

Oh my god, yes please. You drew even closer in answer, eyes fluttering shut. 

Jihoon closed the distance. His lips gently pressed into yours, completing a perfect puzzle. The kiss was was warm, sweet and heartfelt. Your lips gently moved against each other, before you pulled slightly away for air. As your foreheads rested against each together, a warm wave unfurled in your chest.

Just a little more, you thought. Jihoon seemed to agree as you both lean in again, this time the kiss far less hesitant. Your hands rest against his chest while he cups your face with his. Jihoon pulled back, pushing a strand of hair behind your ears. His phone was aggressively ringing, you realize.

“I’ll see you, y/n.”

“I’ll anticipate you, Jihoon.”

He watched your retreating figure for a bit before he headed back to the dorm, giddy with joy.

— your home —

A few days later, a package arrived. It was from Jihoon. Your heart raced. 

He never mentioned anything about this in his calls, you excitedly thought. 

You slowly pulled out the contents, marveling at each one. A picture of the Han River reflecting the morning light. A dozen of printed photos he somehow took of you that day (you laughing at something you took, looking off into the river, and crouching over vegetation). A polaroid of him in the hotel room, “you better be missing me so damn hard” it captioned. You chuckled, touched by his gift. 

You were about to close the envelope until you realized there’s still one item left. You reached in. And you gasped.

A golden bell flower, pressed by hand. 

[bigballofstress]

To Share an Armchair (Tom Holland x Actress!Reader)

Description:  You and Tom appear on Conan to promote your new movie together, Spider-Man: Homecoming.  Little do you know, Tom has a bit more planned than your usual run-of-the-mill interview.

Prequel to The Interview

I took a deep, nervous breath, my hands wringing together as I looked out into the absolutely packed audience.

“You’ll be fine,” a warm, comforting presence appeared behind me.  I turned quickly to see my best friend, Tom, smiling down at me.  “They love you, and you love them.”

I smiled a bit.  He always seemed to know just what to say to make me feel better.

Tom and I had been working together since the filming of Captain America: Civil War, where I’d played another of Tony’s young recruits.  Now, with the new Spider-Man movie coming out, we were sent to advertise the release.  So, there we stood, on the set of Conan, ready give yet another interview.  Except, this time, we’d be promoting the movie by ourselves.  “I’m just not very used to going out there without an older cast member or producer or something,” I sighed.

“Just be your usual funny, witty, charming self, and I promise you that everything will turn out well,” Tom reassured me.

I nodded firmly in an effort to strengthen my resolve.  “Thanks, Tom.”

“Anytime, sweetcheeks,” he grinned.  I rolled my eyes playfully at the cheesy nickname that he had taken to calling me ever since our second week of filming, claiming that my ‘cheeks were too sweet to be called anything else.’

“And now, please welcome Tom Holland and (Y/N) (L/N) to the stage!” Conan shouted.  Tom walked out, and I quickly followed.  The lights were practically blinding, and my ears were ringing from the very, very loud cheers.  I shook off my fears and muscled my way past the almost overwhelming scene to grin and wave with both hands to the audience before moving to take my seat.

The only armchair available was already occupied by a certain web slinger.  I pouted and crossed my arms.  “I was going to sit there!”

“Well, I’m already here.  Sorry, sweetcheeks,” Tom smirked up at me, settling further into the very comfortable looking chair.

I frowned.  “Aw, c’mon, Tommy!  Pleeeease?” I tilted my chin down and sent him my best puppy dogs.

Tom shook his head.  “Hey, you can sit anywhere you want, but I’m not moving.”

My lips immediately quirked upwards.  “Ok!” I quickly responded before plopping myself down sideways across Tom’s lap with my legs hanging over the other armrest.  His hands reflexively went to my waist in an effort to stabilize me.  Tom stared at me in shock, and I just grinned back triumphantly.

I turned to look at Conan, who was watching the whole ordeal go down with an amused smile.  “Hi, Conan,” I grinned.

The tall man chuckled.  “Hi, (Y/N).”

I had to flip my head upside down to look at Andy, as the armrest that my back was leaning against was the one facing him.  “Nothing personal, I just really wanted the chair.”

Andy scoffed in fake hurt.  “Yeah, sure.  Just pretend you’re not repulsed by me.”

“Well, I am a pretty good actress,” I shrugged, pretending to think it over.

Conan barked out a laugh, and I grinned, straightening back up and settling further into Tom’s lap.  “So I guess (ship name) is real?” Conan chuckled, wiggling his eyebrows.

My face went bright red, and I scoffed.  “Yeah, just about as real as Candy,” I bit back in an attempt to misdirect from my extreme embarrassment.

Conan laughed his big belly laugh again.  “No, (Y/N)’s just unbelievably stubborn is all,” Tom added with a slight shake of his head.

“I’ve heard a few rumors, though, about the two of you,” Conan continued.  “A lot of people are talking about a recent incident involving gymnastics?”

I groaned and hid my face in Tom’s chest.  “Yeah, she was just so graceful,” Tom chuckled.

I hit his arm with a pout.  “Oh, shut up.  It really hurt, ok?”

Tom grinned and turned to Conan.  “You see, we’ve had a wager going on for quite a while over who was the better actor.  So, when we got off set early one day, we decided to prove it once and for all.  We each invented a character for the other to play.  I was supposed to be a foul-tempered, incredibly avid fan of some sort of predatory bird--”

“The eagles, Tom,” I rolled my eyes.  “You were playing a fan of the Philadelphia Eagles.  Anyways, Tommy here had decided to make me a world class gymnast.  You know, because I’m so experienced.”

“Whoever was revealed to be lying about their identity first would lose the bet,” Tom continued.  “And he or she would have to do one thing the other asked, no matter what it was.”

“It didn’t go very well,” I sighed, cringing slightly at the memory.  “And I still maintain that I won, by the way!”

Tom shook his head.  “Not a chance, sweetcheeks.  You see, we were talking to a wonderful young lady on the street when I noticed (Y/N) getting a bit excited.  Turns out, she’d noticed a Philadelphia sticker on the woman’s bag.  So she started raving about how much I loved the Eagles and all of the Philadelphia teams.  Naturally, I began talking of her supposed experience in gymnastics.  The woman was rather impressed and asked if she could see her do a flip.”

“Meanwhile, I can’t do any sort of gymnastics to save my life,” I scoffed.  “So instead of flipping, I asked Tom what sport the Eagles play.”  The audience laughed a bit.  “He couldn’t respond, and voila!  I win!”

“Not quite,” Tom chuckled.  “That woman didn’t say a word until you tried to do a flip and landed directly on your bum.  She caught you first, pointing out that you weren’t a gymnast.  Only afterwards did she say I had no idea where Philadelphia even was.”

I frowned.  “Yeah, but she knew you were faking it first.”

“Those weren’t the rules, sweetcheeks,” Tom grinned.  I rolled my eyes.

I’d barely taken notice of the loud laughter until Conan spoke up again between chuckles.  “Here’s a clip from the new Spider-Man: Homecoming in theaters July 7, check it out!”

While the clip played, Tom grinned and poked me in the side.  “You know, I still get to ask you that favor.”

“Fine, I concede.  What do you want, Holland?” I rolled my eyes again.

“You’ll see in just a moment,” he answered, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

I snorted softly in an attempt not to laugh over the preview being played.  “What the heck was that?”

“I was being mysterious!” He defended.

“You looked like you’d lost all control over your facial muscles,” I smirked.

Tom frowned, but before he could reply, the lights came back on.  So instead, he turned to look at our host.  “Conan, before we go, can I ask a favor?”

Conan nodded.  Tom gently picked me up while he stood, placing me back in the seat.  He walked towards the edge of the stage.  I leaned over to Andy.  “Do you have any idea what’s going on?” I stage whispered.

“Yeah, but I’m not telling you.  You didn’t want to sit next to me,” Andy responded with a humph, crossing his arms.  I laughed at his antics.

Tom had returned by that point.  In his arms was the most adorable little creature I’d ever seen in my entire life.  “This is Firestar,” he said, holding up the absolutely precious chocolate lab puppy.  “She’s incredibly stubborn, so I thought you two might get along.”

“Tom, I can’t believe you!” I squealed, accepting the puppy without hesitation.  She immediately started trying to lick my face.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to call in that favor you owe me.”  I glanced up at him suspiciously.  Tom just smiled.  “Go with me to the premier?  As my date?” Tom stood before me nervously, his cheeks bright red, while he anticipated my answer.

My eyes widened, and my breath caught in my throat.  I couldn’t believe he’d actually just asked me out.  Of course I had fantasized about this, but I never actually thought it would happen.

“Say yes!” I random shout from somewhere in the crowd startled me out of my trance.

My face broke out into a huge grin, and I nodded quickly.  “Of course I’ll go with you, you big dummy!” I said, hiding my immense excitement behind the small joke.

Tom’s nervousness melted into happiness, and he rushed forward to hug me, taking care not to crush the puppy between us.

“Tom Holland and (Y/N) (L/N), everybody!” Conan shouted above the cheers.  “Now officially (ship name)!” The cheers and screams got even louder, and I laughed, almost having to cover my ears.  We were both soon ushered off the stage to make way for whoever was next to appear on the show.

When we finally had a minute to breath, I turned to Tom.  “I can’t believe you got me a puppy,” I laughed.  My smiled was still plastered to my face, and I had a feeling it wasn’t going away anytime soon.

“Everyone gets flowers,” Tom shrugged.  I laughed and shook my head.  “So there is one other thing I need to know before we can go on a date.”

My brow furrowed slightly, and my smile wavered.  “What is it?” I asked warily.

“What color is your dress?  I have to know what I’m matching my tie to.”

I pursed my lips in pretend anger, despite the smile that still managed to peak through.  “You jerk, you really had my scared!” I hit his arm.

“Ow!” Tom complained.  He grabbed my hand as it was gearing up to hit him again and pulled me into another hug, still softly chuckling my hair.  I grinned and cradled my new puppy to my chest, who’d already fallen asleep after all the excitement.  I was going to go on a date with Tom Holland.  Maybe I’ll even get to be his girlfriend!

[direnightshade]

Broken Patterns

“Where are you working, if you don’t mind my asking?”

The steady tick, tick, tick of the wall mounted clock nearby fills the silence that follows the woman’s statement. I glance around nervously, taking in the sight of the room. The walls are white and the bottom half is trimmed with a molding that I’ve only ever seen in places that are far too expensive for me to afford. Meanwhile, the top half of the walls are covered in a multitude of photos and art, each one framed in mismatched metals. To my left there is a bookshelf that spans the entirety of one wall. It is filled to the brim with books of varying genres.

Oh, how I long for a place such as this some day.

My gaze swings back to the woman with the pinched face and the short, jet black pixie haircut. I swallow thickly and wipe my already clammy palms along the tops of my jean-clad thighs. “I just landed an internship with Simon & Schuster.”

A steady scribble of the tip of her pen can be heard as she scrawls across her piece of paper, humming in acknowledgement, though I am certain the sound is a mere afterthought; one to appease me as if she’s giving off the appearance that she’s listening. “And when did you move to New York?”

“Two years ago, right after I turned eighteen.”

More scribbling follows, and I shift anxiously on the velveteen couch that has been dyed a pretty shade of dark green. Almost immediately, I am pinned to the very spot I sit by the intense gaze of the woman who is meant to be my therapist. There are no words exchanged, but the look that she is giving me seems to say it all: stay still. I sink into myself and remain in place as she has so silently willed me to do.

This is only the beginning of the session, and already, it is unlike anything I would have expected.

“So, tell me,” she says, finally satisfied that she’s written all that she can for the time being, “what brings you into my office?” Her posture has straightened considerably now, and for the first time since I’d stepped foot past the threshold of the room’s door do I feel as if she’s actually listening to what I have to say.

I inhale a shaky breath in hopes that it will steel my resolve, and when I exhale, I begin to tell her everything.

I tell her about the screaming that became a staple in my childhood home; about how it had all been my fault, because of course it was. I had been unable to grasp the simplest things that were being taught to me. It certainly hadn’t been because the expectations that were set so heavily onto my shoulders were so unrealistic that no child at my age could have lived up to them. No. No, of course not. That wasn’t it at all. It was all me. My failings.

I tell her about how I’d taken out all of my pent up anger and aggression out on the dolls that my mother had so lovingly gifted to me; that I’d mutilated them so badly my mother took me to see a child psychologist claiming she thought me to be some future murdering psychopath. Isn’t that hilarious?!

It’s an absurd thought. Truly.

I couldn’t harm a fly…

I tell her about Ben.

He was, I think, the first person I ever thought I loved. I met him, of all the places, on Bow Bridge in Central Park one crisp Autumn morning. I’d been fresh off the train, barely in the city for a full twenty four hours when we’d crossed paths. He’s a painter—a lovely one at that, I’ve always told him as much—and when I’d stumbled across him, he was painting the landscape. I couldn’t help but admire his talents. I think I may have stopped and gawked for far too long and perhaps that is what caught his attention, though I am sure if he was here, he would sing a different tune. He loves to tell people that when he saw me it was if I had walked straight out of one of his paintings; a dream incarnate. The line makes me roll my eyes with disgust now, but back then in the early stages of the relationship, that line would always have me hook, line, and sinker.

But therein lies the problem, you see. I am a sucker for pretty words, for people who can paint me the loveliest picture of a life that I have always wanted but yet to have. And, oh, how he painted that lie well.

Over time the compliments and the affection have waned significantly, and now I fear that it is only I who is trying to give it my all any more. I believe that he is seeing someone else, that the pretty words he once showered down on me are now being put upon another heart, leaving mine to rot.

He checks his phone late at night when he thinks that I am asleep. I can hear the steady tap, tap, tap of his thumbs against the screen and every now and again, I can hear the soft laughter he emits whenever whomever she is responds with some undoubtedly witty remark. Where he once used to be so adamant that we put our phones aside and focus on one another, he now has done a complete one-eighty. We sit on opposite ends of the couch whilst he entertains himself with whatever conversation he is so engrossed in, meanwhile I am left to watch this movie—one that he chose—alone.

I am turning into my mother more and more every day, I realize. I am untrusting and paranoid, always asking him who it is that he’s taking calls from or who he’s texting. He tells me it’s nothing, that it’s just work, but he was never this busy with work before…

Two days ago is when he’d come clean.

My suspicions were not unfounded. He had been seeing someone. Her name is Mina and apparently she is lovely.

There is a brief bout of scribbling of a pen against paper, and when it stops, my therapist lifts her head once more to look at me. “How does that make you feel?”

Like I am a waste, I want to tell her. It makes me feel as if I am nothing; that if the one person on this planet who was meant to love me cannot seem to then perhaps I am, myself, unworthy of such a gift.

My features soften and I allow the corners of my mouth to turn up into a small smile. “I feel fine.”

The woman reaches up to pull her glasses down off of the bridge of her nose, setting the frames atop her notebook. She exhales a sigh and regards me carefully before doling out a reply. “This is a new development for you. Surely you must have some sort of feelings about it.”

“I told you that I’d had my suspicions. I’ve had more than two days to process the inevitable.”

“Having a suspicion and having confirmation are two completely different things. This idea in your mind has since been made real. Doesn’t that hurt you,” she counters.

The smile that had been so carefully put into place falters, and my lips press into a thin line.

It is clear that my therapist is pleased with this non verbal response as she once again resumes her note taking.

“No,” I reply carefully.

“No?”

“No.”

There is a stretch of silence that follows my insistence, and soon enough, she sets the notepad, pen, and her glasses aside and regards me carefully. “What are you doing to cope?”

I barely manage to bite back the snort that nearly bubbled up to the surface. Cope? Since when have I ever coped with anything? I suppose, if we are being technical, what I do is a form of coping, albeit an unhealthy one. I take those feelings, the ones that weigh on my chest so heavily that it feels as if it may very well collapse under the strain, and I compact them until they are so small I can easily store them in a cage that I have built myself. I tuck them away and store the box somewhere deep inside myself, never allowing them to see the light of day so that I never have to deal with the emotional traumas that I have been dealt.

“I work,” I say matter-of-factly, as if the idea of me needing to do anything else is utterly absurd.

She hums and clasps her hands together, setting them atop her lap. “And what have you done for an emotional release? Anything at all? Or are you throwing yourself into work to avoid the situation?”

My jaw clenches at her insistence, though, I don’t know why I would have expected anything else. Perhaps I wasn’t expecting this first session to have become so deep so quickly. “If you’re asking if I’ve cried, the answer is no.”

“And why not?”

I am growing more and more irritated by the second. I could, if I so wished, put an end to this right now. I could get up and end the session, thank her for her time and walk right out of the door. Or, the pen sitting beside her on the end table would push straight into her eye socket rather nicely, I reckon…

No. No, I rid myself of that thought and exhale an audible sigh.

“Because what is the point? Crying doesn’t fix the relationship. He’s made his choice.”

“Crying can be a good release for us. It’s very cathartic.”

“I’m not wasting my tears on someone who didn’t have the decency to leave the relationship before giving a part of themselves to someone else.”

The irony is not lost on me that eleven years later I find myself in another office in a different part of the city with tears freely spilling down onto my cheeks as I reach for the tissue that is offered to me. When one isn’t enough, I am gifted the entire box.

It feels as if I am crying out years and years of repressed emotion, and I fear—as my body wracks with sob after sob—that the tears will be never ending. This therapist, who I have already decided is miles above the one I’d seen when I was twenty, sits and waits patiently for me to let it all out. She has been nothing short of supportive and I feel relief.

Earlier this week I had requested that Charlie jot down the number for his therapist’s office so that I may make an appointment of my own. Though he, too, has been more than happy to listen to me when I vent my frustrations or cry on his shoulder when things become a little too overwhelming for me, I have come to realize that perhaps it is not fair of me to unload so much onto him when he is still dealing with so much himself. And what’s more, is that I have realized that I have begun to fall into an old pattern.

Rather than fully dealing with the emotional upset he has caused with his trysts, I have once again begun to tamp down and repress my negative emotions in favor of pretending that all's right with the world. Not only do I not want to shut myself down and risk ruining this relationship, I also do not believe my tactics to be in the best interest of Little b. So, if nothing else, I will do this for them.

When the tears finally subside, and I have once again managed to pull myself together, I take a moment to dab a clean tissue against the underside of my eyes. Just as I am inhaling another shaky breath, my therapist—who is not the same woman that Charlie shares his allotted time with—poses a question.

“Have you discussed your feelings with him?”

I sniffle and ball up the tissue in my hand as it comes to rest in my lap. “We had a long, long discussion after things calmed down. He knows that I was—am—unhappy with his choices.”

There is a soft sigh emitted when she shifts in her seat and crosses her legs. One hand rests on her knee whilst the other keeps her chin propped up as her elbow sets on the arm of the chair she’s currently seated in. “You told me that he’s admitted to opening up to someone emotionally when he felt he couldn’t do that with you and that this seems to be the root of your dispiritedness. I’d like to talk about that.”

I wouldn’t, I think to myself almost immediately.

But, this is why I am here, after all. I need to discuss the things that I wish to bury. Only then do I have any real chance of repairing the damaged, unhealthy parts of myself. If we, as a family, have any real shot at moving forward, then I must face this head on regardless of how much I want nothing more than to run the other way.

And yet…

I am struggling.

“Do you still worry that this may be an issue?”

My head hangs forward, and I close my eyes tightly to ward off the onslaught of tears that once again threaten to force their way out. There is a slight tremor that starts in my chin and works its way to my bottom lip. I hate this, this feeling of being rendered speechless, of being weak and vulnerable. I hate that, once again, I have given someone else the power to crush me so.

I nod wordlessly, the motion so slight that it would have been missed had she not been paying careful attention.

“Has he done anything to make you think that it is?”

Another stretch of silence follows her words, and this time, I find myself shaking my head. No, no he hasn’t.

And yet…

I am afraid.

And…

My therapist says my name to grab my attention, and when I finally lift my head to look at her, it is with tearfully blurred vision. “If he has not done anything to make you think that it is, then tell me about the steps he has taken to attempt to alleviate those fears.”

I inhale a shaky breath and begin to list off everything from deleting the long list of contacts in his phone to quitting his job at the theater. When the subject of the move to Los Angeles is brought up, I am asked that one question that haunted my thoughts mere days ago.

What do I want?

How do I feel?

“I…” My lips press together as I trail off, and I work my jaw as I take a moment to think. “I want to leave. I think the move will be good for both of us, and not just because this means that Charlie can see Henry more regularly now.” While I speak, I lift a hand to dab away the last remaining tears from my eyes, finally feeling more confident in this turn of conversation. “You know, when I first moved here, I loved this city so much that I resolved to stay here until I turned old and grey.”

There is a small smile that forms when I speak, and I huff out soft laughter. But as I shake my head, the smile begins to wane. “But now… After everything that’s transpired over the last month… This city that brought me so much joy just feels so oppressive now. Some of the places I used to love to venture to have been tainted by the awful confessions that he’s bestowed upon me. What I want is to leave. But most importantly, what I want is for this to work...”

By the time that my session concludes, I am feeling infinitely better than when I’d initially walked through the front door. For the first time in all the times that I have tried—or was forced to try—therapy, I am leaving a session with tools that I feel will be useful in aiding my own emotional recovery from everything that I have dealt with in life. For the first time in my life, I will attempt to cope with the emotions that I feel in a healthy way. I feel, for the first time in a long, long time, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

When I make my way out of the building, I am surprised to find Charlie waiting for me just outside. There is a fleeting look of concern that flashes across his face when he takes in my red-rimmed eyes, but just as quickly as the look emerges, it dissipates entirely when a broad smile stretches across my face. “You came all the way out here to get me,” I ask, the pleasant surprise evident in my voice.

“Wanted to make sure your first session went well,” he says just as he reaches out for me once I’m near enough.

A soft hum is emitted when his hands settle on my waist to draw me in closer, and I lift my arms to wrap them loosely around his neck. I tip my head back slightly to look up at him, taking a moment to soak in his features before I speak. “You were nervous.”

He huffs in automatic response, his gaze darting to the side momentarily. “Absolutely not.”

If it is possible for my smile to widen any further, then it certainly does so. “It’s okay,” I say, fingers raking through the hair at the nape of Charlie’s neck whilst he continues to hold me close, safe and out of the way from any passersby. “We’re okay. It went great. Probably the best session I’ve ever had. Now I know why you’ve chosen that office.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

We smile at one another, and for the first time in over a month, I truly feel as if everything will be alright.

[petri808]

The Best Fight of Their Lives

Nalu Love Fest Day- Bonus Day Fight/Make up

Thank you for the story idea!  Partner in smut crime XD @random-rave   Lol, okay I’m like all smut-written out XD.  

“That mission was frustrating!  It took us so long to track those guys down and then they turned out to be a bunch of weaklings!”

“Isn’t that a good thing Natshu, less work for the same reward.”

“No way buddy,” punching the air and hoping from foot to foot, “I barely got a work out and now I’ve got all this pent-up energy!”

“I can see that,” the Exceed laughs at his best friend’s antics.  “Where’s Lushee?”

“Taking a bath…”

Lucy rolls her eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh from behind the closed door then sinks deeper into the furo until everything but her chin and up is exposed.  Her boyfriend was right that the mission was a serious disappointment, but while he still had energy to spare, the celestial mage was left fatigued.  First off, just to find the dark mages took several weeks of travel, often by foot through unpopulated areas.  Second, this was Natsu we were talking about, mister get-up-and-go, can’t stay still, and when he gets in those mindsets, Lucy had to do her best to keep him occupied or else he was likely to get into trouble.  She didn’t know what was worse, the physical exhaustion or the mental part.

She hears a loud dragging sound followed by a crash, coming from the living-room, “Natsu, what was that?!”

“It’s…. Don’t worry I’ll clean it up…”

Oh, hell no!  She’s was too tired, her body ached in places she didn’t know could hurt, and now he was probably destroying her apartment. Dragging herself out of the bath and wrapping herself in a towel, Lucy swings the door wide open to discover her boyfriend re-arranging the furniture.  All the blood in her body boils red hot, “No way!  Uh-uh!  Do you not realize what time it is!  Natsu all I wanted to do was relax in a nice hot bath and I don’t need you making a racket out here!”    

“I’m sorry Luce, I just wanted to…”

“I know what you wanted,” her response is curt because she knew he had planned to exercise.  “Weeks of walking and sleeping outdoors just to end up with crappy results…  Just please not tonight Natsu,” she rubs at her temples, “my body is tired, its sore, even my brain is fried.  Bath and then bed, that’s all I’m asking for.”  Lucy doesn’t even wait for him to respond before turning around and practically slamming the bathroom door closed behind her.

The spirit mage leans up against the door feeling a twinge of regret.  She hadn’t planned for it to come out so harshly, but she was simply too worn-out to even think coherently.  Maybe it’d be best to just get some sleep already. Lucy gives up on the bath and just readies herself for bed.  She’ll apologize, beg for cuddles, and then at least his unnaturally warm body will still soothe her aching muscles.

Meanwhile in the living room…

“Lushee is really mad at you Natshu.”

“Yeah… but I think I know a way to make it up to her.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in the morning then.”

“G’night Happy.”

Once the Exceed has left, Natsu slips into the bedroom without making a sound, quickly gathers a few items he’ll need, and prepares for Lucy to get out of the bathroom.  He can hear her movements through the walls, the sound of a brush being placed on the counter, her towel shifting and dropping to the floor, then the sounds of fabric rustling as she pulls on her sleepwear. Natsu had been so animated earlier that he’d failed to realize just how exhausted his girlfriend had been, but now, I can make it up to her,  he smirks.

When Lucy pushes open the bedroom door, “Natsu, I’m really sorry I…  what’s all this?” her eyes light up as her heart skips a beat.  The lights had been turned off, but he had placed a few of her favorite scented candles around the room giving it a warm and inviting feeling.      

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry Luce,” he takes her hands and guides her to the bed.  “I should have been more attentive to you.”

“No, I didn’t have to be a witch about it…”

Natsu chuckles, “for once just let me win an argument.  I was being the idiot, so let me make it up to you.”  He holds up a bottle of strawberry flavored massage oil flashing a grin, “please?”

Awww,  it was so rare for Natsu to actually initiate a more romantic gesture!  A light rosy hue crept onto Lucy’s cheeks, “okay.”  

He plants a kiss on her lips and nods his head towards the mattress, “get comfortable and I’ll give you a nice heated massage.”

She pulls the oversized shirt she wore off, pulls her hair into a messy bun, and slips out of her panties before lying face down on top of the comforter.  This was gonna be even better than warm cuddles!  Natsu strips down as well, no point in getting oils all over his clothes, right?  He climbs onto the bed, taking up a position to her side and pours a small coin-sized amount of the oil onto his palm, then heats up just his hands.

Starting with her legs, Natsu slowly works his way up from the soles of her feet, through her calves, to her thighs, caressing, and working out the knots.  He smooths and kneads at the muscles while the woman sighed or cringed if he hit a particularly tight area.  Lucy was in heaven for the oils provided a sweet aromatic and his warm hands melted away her pains.    

Natsu smiled at how much his girl was enjoying this.  It wasn’t often that he showed this level of tenderness, but of course with his nature, when he did, he went all out…. Especially for Lucy.  She deserved everything and more that he could give her because even if she didn’t know it, she’d become his rock.  They’ve been tied together for so long it seems, he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he lost her.  Sure, he’s lost before, Igneel…. Lisanna…. he’s experienced the pain, but somehow this felt different.  So yes, it if took lavishing upon her little things like a massage, Natsu was all fired up for it.

He shifts positions and straddles those long lithe legs and moves along to her perky little derriere, squeezing them…. okay so maybe he was just plain fondling them.   They were so perfect to him, just like her breasts, but these two mounds fit in my hands, he chuckles.

Lucy’s voice is soft, almost sleepy, “what’s so funny?”  

“It’s nothing, I just love these.”  

“I think my ass is too big.”

“They are perfect,” Natsu leans down and bites one, making Lucy squeal, “I want them to stay just like this.”

“If you love them,” a long yawn escapes her, and she goes back to relaxing, “their yours.”

“You’re all mine,” he mumbles under his breath.  

“I’m sorry, did you say something?”

“No,” resuming his kneading, soon enough I’ll make it permanent…

Inching his way up her body, Natsu uses the heel of his palms to apply pressure on her lower back muscles, pressing and smoothing from bottom up to work out the tightened areas.  He applies generous amounts of oil to counter any chafing but so far, Lucy barely made a peep, mostly sighs, or the occasional cringe, it seemed she was enjoying the level of force he was applying.  In the areas around her spine where the surface is no longer flat, his thumbs lend more support.  

Once he’s gotten most of the lower knots rubbed out, he scoots up until he’s almost sitting on her ass. He reaches out, curling his hands around her shoulders and increases the heat in them just a tad.  Of all the areas he’s massaged on her so far, this area is by far the worst.  Natsu frowns slightly, maybe he should make this more of a routine, so it didn’t get so bad.  His fingers tense and knead at her flesh.  He uses the sides of his palms to press over and smooth out the areas he covers like he did with the heel on her back.  

But Lucy’s moans and groans don’t seem to be getting better, if anything they were increasing the longer he worked on her.

“Is this not helping?” Natsu finally sits back and asks her, “you keep moaning like it still hurts.”

“It’s fine…. It’s not, that’s not why.”

“You’re confusing me.” Lucy turns her head, and that’s when Natsu realizes her face is all flushed.  “Now, I’m really confused.”

“I can feel him pressing down there okay!”  her face growing even more crimson, “I tried to ignore it but… it’s not the easiest thing to do…” mumbling out that last part.

“Oh,” Natsu lets out a chocking laughter, before settling down, voice growing raspy and husky, “maybe she  wants attention too while I finish your massage.”

“Maybe…” but her tone suggested of a wanting.

Natsu chuckles and climbs off, settling instead on his side of the bed, with his back against the headboard and legs outstretched.  He pat’s his thighs, “come on Luce, climb aboard,” grinning at his witty remark, “but face away from me so I can finish your massage cause you need it.”

He holds his cock still while she centers herself and slides onto the appendage.  Lucy groans, even his cock was nice and warmed for her. Natsu chuckles again and begins to work at her neck muscles, rubbing and soothing away her aches and pains.  His fingers delve into the hairline, massaging around her ears, all over her scalp, kneading like a contented feline.  He plants tender kisses, chaste and moist along her nape and collar, sucking gently or pulsing his tongue against pressure points.    

Lucy can’t help it when her hips start to rock lightly, because while Natsu was behaving like a cat, she was starting to purr like one.  Those sultry vibrations were starting to break through his restraint like a domino set falling one by one.  “Luce,” he groans, “I won’t be able to finish your massage if you keep doing that.”

She reaches up and caresses his cheek, her voice full of amorous intent, “I feel a lot better now, so why don’t you finish me in another way?”  But she doesn’t give him a chance to respond.  Lucy turns around, spearing him a second time and claiming his lips to communicate, just how much  she wanted him to finish her.

Wow!  For someone who was dead tired just an hour ago she was just as hyped up as he had been!  Natsu grips onto her ass as he shifts them both until she’s on her back and he was missioned between her legs.  Her loose bun now unraveled fans out to create a golden halo around her face.  His eyes lower half-lidded, “my beautiful celestial queen.”

She giggles and wiggles her hips, “my handsome king of dragons.”

Natsu growls, the deep rumble permeating through Lucy’s very core.  “And this dragon is never gonna let you go.”

“Is that a promise?”

He smiles and leans down, supplanting words with passion-laden kisses that hold all the answers Lucy seeks. “I know I get on your nerves sometimes,” brushing his lips along her neck, “but if you’ll have me,” he lingers near her pulse point, “I’d love to make it more permanent.”

“Are you proposing…” she almost chokes on her words as his canines press into her delicate skin.

“Mmm,” he licks the area clean, “I guess you could call it a dragon’s proposal.”

Rolling her hips, “I’ll take you anyway I can Natsu.”

More light growls send heavenly quivers all over her body as Natsu continues caressing her nape with tantalizing kisses.  He grinds his pelvis against hers in undulating waves, short plunges to whet her entrance and build upon a delirious friction that was sure to wind her coil tight. She sway’s her hips, rocking them counter to his timing and their bodies flow into a rhythm just like a beautiful melody.  Her legs encircle and entwine themselves around his hips or thighs, back arching in time with the build of heat he was bringing to her junction box… and that heat was rising fast.

Slow and steady thrusts sunk deep into her channel with a skin to skin contact, rubbing her clit like kindling for her fires.  Lucy’s moans grow shaky, her pitch rising ever higher….  “Don’t stop….  Oh god….” Natsu continues his cadence, grinding over and over while Lucy rides out her orgasm.  

“Forever Luce…” he breathes out, “mine forever…” Natsu’s canines break through the skin to leave a permanent mark, his mark upon her neck just above the collar bone.  Lucy flinches, but strangely feels little discomfort.  He licks at the few droplets of blood, sealing the wounds.  

Maybe it was the heat or hormones, or maybe something more magical, she wondered, for a strange sensation flooded her being.  Purring out her yearning, “now, cum for me my dragon,” Lucy bucks hard against him.  

Natsu grins and shifts to a raised position on his haunches, with her legs over his arms, he holds onto her hip bones and drivers harder, faster into his new mate.  It was…  he couldn’t think of the right words as he watched his cock sliding into Lucy, just a feeling of contentment mixed with euphoria and absolute…  joy.  She was his, He was hers and nothing else mattered in that moment. Well except maybe the idea of one day filling her belly with his child, a wider smile surfaces, now that was a concept he’d never actually had before and yet now, as he gazes down at this celestial goddess.

He closes his eyes as the dam breaks, grunting and panting through the bursts of his seed flooding into Lucy…

After another quick shower for the both of them, Natsu cuddles Lucy into his arms, nestled amongst the downy blankets.  He kisses her temple gently, her eyes already shuttered and ready to sail off into dreamland. Tonight, may have started off with a fight, but it ended in the best make up anyone could have wished for.  

[mshelenahandbag]

Best of ‘17 — TV

TV

This year’s best include a wide variety: historical recreations of Hollywood, a fantasy medieval world on the brink of all out war, two separate shows with drag queens, the secret lives of soccer moms, a revival 25 years in the making, a documentary about America’s greatest shame and an Emmy-winning adaptation of a book hitting a little too close to home.

Honorable Mention: Scandal (ABC)

Shonda Rhimes finally got her damn groove back. After watching The Catch and Still Star-Crossed fizzle out and a less-than-stellar third season of How To Get Away With Murder, Shonda’s flagship Scandal was back on track after two seasons of stagnant WTF-dom. Season six brought us back into the world of Olivia Pope with a bang when president-elect Frankie Vargas is assassinated. And it just gets crazy in the best way possible from there. We really get a glimpse again of the Olivia we all have loved since the first season and probably the best performances to date for Bellamy Young as Mellie Grant and Darby Stanchfield as Abby. And with Shonda announcing season seven will be the show’s last, this season could have served as its conclusion, but now we get to see Shonda’s gloves off for this final season with nothing held back, and a darker Olivia Pope with no white hat, now running B-613.

Outstanding Episode: “Trojan Horse” (Original airdate: 4/20/2017)

Mellie’s future to the White House is suddenly in doubt when Cyrus is pardoned for Frankie’s assassination and makes his pwn play for the White House, despite a massive campaign against him. Olivia wants to help Cyrus, even as her father warns her not to, for so many reasons, the biggest of which remains the shadow cabal who arranged for Frankie’s assassination and Mellie’s eventual win. The meat of this episode comes when Mellie meets her unexpected benefactors, Plus and Ruland, who she tries to threaten, only for Ruland to off her chief of staff, Elizabeth North (Portia de Rossi) via a golf club to the skull. Mellie is broken down and a total pawn for whatever they want to her to do. Elsewhere, Fitz breaks it off with his girlfriend, the FBI director, who pushes for Rowan’s arrest, which Fitz has already done, for his protection. Fitz and Olivia FINALLY get back together as everyone gets ready to take the shadowy organization down once and for all.

Honorable Mention: American Horror Story: Cult (FX)

I was not expecting to put this back on my best of list. Roanoke was disappointing in so many aspects. So when season seven was announced, and a theme element of the 2016 election announced, I was already ready to tune out. But something about this season is a brilliant commentary on our hive mind ideology of democrat vs republican, liberal v conservative, etc. It’s also just flat out scary. We see the lives of a lesbian couple Ally (Paulson) and Ivy (Alison Pill) as they adjust to the post-election realities, especially since Ally is damn near afraid of everything. We also meet the charismatic Kai Anderson (Evan Peters in his best AHS role to date) - a cult leader who seems to be able to read his followers and get exactly what he wants out of them. Unlike the prior six seasons, there’s nothing supernatural here, it’s all things that, could, can and have happened in the last year. What I love is that the show is not just skewed to show the evils of the alt-right, we see the exaggeration on both sides. And yet it’s still got its funny moments (“lesbians we’re under attack”) and true terror. I was ready to dismiss this season but it has truly become the show’s best since its inaugural season.

Outstanding Episode: “Drink the Kool-Aid” (Original airdate: 10/31/2017)

First off, props to Evan Peters. He played not only his role of Kai, but four additional roles in this one episode. In a massive flashback tapestry we see Peters’ Kai tell the stories of the Branch-Davidians (Peters playing David Koresh), Heaven’s Gate (Peters playing Marshall Applewhite) and finally the People’s Temple (Peters playing Jim Jones and later Jesus in a lie Kai tells his cult about Jones’s fate). Through these stories we see how Kai has managed to shape his own cult from the past and learn from what has worked and what hasn’t. Kai announces his intent to run for Senate but also forces his cult members to truly declare that they would do anything for him in the times to come. So he brings the men and women together and has them literally drink the kool-aid. The men do it willingly, the women at gunpoint, all nervous about sacrificing themselves only for Kai to reveal there was nothing in the drink. The sheer terror at so many of those involved in this scene truly sell its horror (special shoutout goes to Adina Porter’s Beverly Johnson for finally cracking amid her to-date strength). The other standout is the “B plot” as it seems all is well again with Ally and Ivy - as Ally explains that she has conquered her phobias by using her energy on getting revenge. So, yeah, Ally has poisoned her wife’s wine and pasta as revenge for institutionalizing her. And then she plays her next card deftly forging donor records that claim Kai is her son’s father. Sarah Paulson continues to be the show’s MVP every year because her range shows so many different sides every time. In this one episode Ally stops being a victim and starts to plot her way out of the cult, and taking Kai down with her.

10) Game of Thrones (HBO)

Winter has finally arrived in Westeros and shit just hits the fan from here on out. Even with a HUGE threat to the entire region from the White Walkers, we watch as Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) FINALLY lands on her home soil and proceeds to try and make her claim for the Iron Throne. Cersei (Lena Headey) allies with Euron Greyjoy to cement her hold on the Seven Kingdoms; in the North, Sansa (Sophie Turner) tries to keep things together while Littlefinger (Aiden Gillen) schemes. Basically we get a season’s worth of plot in seven episodes, and they all were so fantastic. Lots of action, but for the final season I want Benioff and Weiss to remember their prior six seasons had far better writings and less contrived coincidences. But the stage is set for a truly epic finale that will determine once and for all who will hold the Iron Throne…if the White Walkers don’t kill everyone first.

Outstanding Episode: The Queen’s Justice (Original airdate: 7/30/2017)

The long-awaited meeting between Dany and Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) is just one of the many highlights of this episode. We see Dany overtly trying to get Jon to “bend the knee”in fealty to her. Jon tries to convince Daenerys to abandon her quest for the Throne and aid their fight against the White Walkers. It’s a very frosty exchange between the two, and it looks like the alliance we all want may not actually be happening. Cersei enacts her revenge on Ellaria Sand (Indira Varma) for murdering her daughter Myrcella. The scene excels with a beautiful monologue performed by Headey where you see Cersei’s pain and anger. You might hate her like I do, but there’s times like this, you can’t say you’d do the same for your child. Cersei kisses Ellaria’s daughter Tyene with the same poison they used on Myrcella, and forces the guards to keep her eyes open so she can watch her die. Tyrion, meanwhile, gives Dany an inside scope of where to attack to let Cersei know about their presence: the Lannister stronghold of Casterly Rock. The Unsullied take the castle with little resistance, only to learn that Lannister forces have marched on Highgarden and taken it, and with it, Targaryen ally Olenna Tyrell (Diana Rigg). Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) and Olenna have probably one of the most epic scenes in series history. Olenna takes her fate - death by poison - as she has everything in the series, with her trademark wit and devil may care attitude. She flat-out tells Jaime she arranged Joffrey’s death and that she wants Cersei to know it was her. Diana Rigg’s performance in the series and this final episode are just one of the many things I’ve loved about Olenna and was so heartbroken when her time was up.

9) Feud: Bette and Joan (FX)

Ryan Murphy continues a streak on FX that translates into brilliance…as long as he isn't the sole writer. We’ve all known about this infamous feud between Hollywood legends Bette Davis and Joan Crawford that exploded during the filming of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane. This new series from Murphy really highlights the sexism of Hollywood, the way the two stars were baited against each other and the lasting effect it left on the two of them. This is just a star vehicle of excellence for both Jessica Lange’s Crawford - obsessive, scheming, paranoid but refined and Susan Sarandon’s Davis - witty, shrewd and blunt. The supporting players like Alfred Molina’s Robert Aldrich and Stanley Tucci’s Jack Warner all help support them (but special note given to Jackie Hoffman’s Mamacita, Crawford’s long suffering and lovely maid, and Judy Davis’s pitch-perfect portrayal of gossip columnist Hedda Hopper) but it’s just a tour-de-force from both leading ladies. You almost feel pulled in both directions on who to root for: Crawford or Davis, but the end result shows how Hollywood works. One day you’re the talk of the town, the next you can't even get arrested and make the papers. Brilliant work!

Outstanding Episode: And The Winner Is-The Oscars of 1963 (Original airdate: 4/2/2017)

After Joan is denied a nomination for her work on Baby Jane, she and Hedda set out to ensure that Bette’s nomination is not going to get her a win. Crawford makes the rounds with the other nominees, convincing Geraldine Page (Sarah Paulson in a brief cameo) and Anne Bancroft to not attend the ceremony and allow her (Crawford, that is) to accept the award on their behalf if they win. Hedda, meanwhile, buries Bette with the Academy and the press with stories from the set of Baby Jane, some true and some not. Oscar night comes and Jessica Lange’s Crawford is in a full tour-de-force of rubbing it in. She presents the Oscar she is slated to, then in a brilliant tracking shot, goes backstage and gets ready for the Best Actress category. When Anne Bancroft wins, seeing Sarandon portray Bette’s heartbreak as Lange’s Crawford struts past, victorious, is the high point of this beautiful series.

8) The Boulet Brothers’ DRAGULA: The Search for The Next Drag Supermonster (YouTube)

This series has upped its game in a big way for 2017. After a very cool and very punk season one (voted one of the best year by IMDB), season two took off like a rocket. Bigger budget, bigger guest judges, more intense extermination challenges and a cast that spans the country. The Boulet Brothers have definitely made their little-series-that-could into the little-series-that-IS. We’ve upped the game, and these queens want to truly show the world they’re the next supermonster, whether it’s fashionable yet fierce Abhorra, the completely wacky Disasterina or the cosplay-themed-yet-fierce Erika Klash. This cast brought it and made this show even better, and that’s before you factor in how bigger the show got in a year. With the Boulets saying that anyone can audition, we may have something to answer the call for those who don’t fit the mold for other drag TV competition series. And that’s a good thing!

Outstanding Episode: Episode Three (Original airdate: 11/14/2017)

My fav on season two was Biqtch Puddin, and I’m 100 percent biased because she’s my sister. And she had a rough start to her run on Dragula - a misunderstood outfit week one and a low performance week two that led her to face her first extermination challenge. Going into week three, the Boulets wanted to give Biqtch a challenge, so in announcing the rock band challenge, both Victoria Elizabeth Black (the winner of the challenge) and Biqtch (who had performed low beyond the Boulets’ expectations) were given the role of lead singer for the two groups’ rock bands. And BIQTCH. TURNED. IT. OUT. For one she was the only contestant to turn out big ‘80s rock hair, and her outfit was a loving tribute to Pete Burns, glam rock and more. Her performance as lead singer, along with her entire group’s synchronicity boosted them to the top and gave Biqtch a much needed win after two low weeks. She really did it and I was so happy to see that. In general this week was a great episode: fun challenge, lots of tributes to punk and grunge rock and you can really tell the girls enjoyed this one. We also got to hear a little bit about Dahli’s touring with Blood on the Dance Floor - and how she quit touring with the band because of an HIV diagnosis. I love that this show is able to play with soft and hard so beautifully. We can be talking about real issues one minute, and the next you see these beautiful super monsters taking their pain and using it to their benefit on the runway. Sadly for Kendra Onixx, her time was up after missing the mark in her runway, performance and not being able to grin and bear the extermination challenge of getting the most embarrassing/trashy tattoo. This series continues to just be all pleasure and no guilt, and I love every second of it.

7) American Gods (Starz)

Neil Gaiman’s best non angelic/devil story (which has its own series coming soon to Amazon) took off like a bandit this year with this show that made me actually watch Star for the first time ever. The combination of Bryan Fuller’s beautiful creative direction with Gaiman’s text and imagination result in the one of the most creative and innovative shows this year. Ricky Whittle gives a star making turn as our lead Shadow Moon, released from jail as his wife has died, and meets a mysterious stranger.  Ian McShane was the perfect choice for Mr. Wednesday, as we begin to get into the (literal) mythology, setting up the war to come between the Old Gods and the New. Gillian Anderson also must be praised for her seamless portrayals as Media in the forms of Lucille Ball, David Bowie, Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland. I love that we learn about the origins of so many gods coming to America, and setting up what’s to come for the second season and beyond!

Outstanding Episode: “Come to Jesus” (Original airdate: 6/18/17)

There were so many fantastic episodes in the first season, it was really hard to narrow down to what truly was the best. But seeing Shadow finally realize what world is was finally apart of is a thrill. Wednesday and Shadow make their way to a celebration thrown by Ostara (Kristin Chenoweth) for spring, just as Media, Mr. World and Tech Boy  **and** the same time as Shadow’s not-dead wife Laura (Emily Browning) and leprechaun Mad Sweeney (Pablo Schreiber). So shit gets real VERY quick as Shadow finally catches on he’s among gods. And this is where the most amazing things happen. We learn Wednesday was behind Laura’s death in a car accident and when Media tries to persuade Ostara to join the New Gods, let’s just say shit get biblical. Odin, that is Wednesday, unleashes his power, and encourages Ostara to do the same. We get to see Ostara make things bloom…and wither. From here, Odin and Ostara — and Shadow have drawn their line in the sand that will be the big focus of season two!

6) RuPaul’s Drag Race (VH1)

Hot off a fantastic year of season 8 AND All Stars 2, Drag Race had won its first Emmy for mama Ru’s hosting AND made the switch to VH1. Season 9 upped the game with Lady Gaga as the show’s first guest judge and brought us some of the series’ best contestants to date, whether it was the slaytastic Shea Coulee, artsy Sasha Velour or even the amazing tucking talents of Trinity Taylor. The judges were bigger and better (Kesha, The B-52s, Joan Smalls, Cheyenne Jackson!), the challenges upped the stakes and the eliminations got more and more WTF as the season went on. PLUS mama Ru had had enough half-assed lip-syncs and completely changed the format of the finale to make the finalists TRULY work for the crown.

Outstanding Episode: “Your Pilot’s On Fire” (Original air date: 5/19/2017)

Bitch if ever we were to surpass “what did Willam do” - I’m pretty sure we did with this episode. Ru tasks the final seven to come up their own pilots for network TV. Sasha and Shea, whose chemistry and partnership worked previously in the season, slayed with their spy-comedy Teets And Asky; Peppermint, Trinity Taylor and Alexis Michelle were good for all the wrong reasons (But Trinity’s Sister Mary Kuhnt was HILARIOUS!) due to a lot of infighting mostly from Alexis’s perfectionist tendencies and capacity to throw her other team members right in the path of any oncoming bus. And then there was Valentina and Nina Bo’nina Brown. Woefully underprepared with no script, their attempts to ad-lib don’t wow Michelle Visage and Carson Kressley. The runway theme, club kid, is a true standout among the nine seasons of the show, but big shock, Val and Nina are bottom two, and lip-syncing to Ariana Grande’s “Greedy.” Valentina’s mask stays on at the beginning, and we ALL noticed. And for the first time ever, RuPaul has to stop a lip-sync to ask Valentina to take her mask off. Valentina, to that point, had been portrayed as the sweetest girl in the cast. So when “I’d like to keep it on please” came out of her mouth, the fanbase was shook (we’d be even more shook at the Reunion by her behavior). Valentina throwing in the towel officially, to me, ties Willam’s elimination for the most shocking moment in the show’s history. It also happens in one of this season’s best episodes, and just truly shook up who I thought would make it to the finale.

5) The Vietnam War (PBS)

If you are my age, and you were in high school learning U.S. history - your teacher probably rushed through the 20th century in the span of two weeks or less. If that. Vietnam is usually a day, or two, maybe a week if you’re lucky. And we don’t know nearly enough, my generation that is, about one of the greatest embarrassments in our lifetime. Ken Burns and Lynn Novick’s 10-part, 18 hour masterpiece truly encompasses every single facet of the Vietnam War - the U.S.’s involvement, the North and South Vietnamese armies and governments, the anti-war protests, the U.S.government. There’s so much to unpack and Ken Burns and Lynn Novick’s interviews, research, set to the music of the ‘60s and ‘70s and guided by Peter Coyote’s steady narration. By the end of it all it feels like you’re gone through the war your self and you will most definitely ask what the fuck were we doing there as so many have over the years. Ken Burns may be known for his Civil War documentary but I truly believe because he was able to tell these stories from the sources, that this will be his masterpiece.

Outstanding Episode: “Part 6: Things Fall Apart” (Original air date: 9/24/2017)

Most episodes cover a few years of the 20+ year war but this part covers one event that would change so much of the war. The Tet Offensive from January to July 1968. Hearing the stories of American veterans who were stuck on hills for months while the Vietcong rained down on them, and hearing the same stories from the other side is just incredible. But I think the point that this episode drives home is the perception and appearance of the fake activities of the war. We see one of the most iconic images of the war - the execution of Nguyễn Văn Lém. It’s a photo we’ve all seen in our history books, but we learn the whole story about this execution from this episode. I didn’t know there was video of this - color video. We learn Lém was found near a mass grave of bodies and that a general executed him on his own decision. Despite my very desensitized nature, seeing the video put a giant pit in my stomach…and if I wasn’t already against the war from the first five parts, this convinced me so much that this war was being fought for the wrong reasons.

4) Big Little Lies (HBO)

Limited series are completely in vogue right now, and this is without a doubt one of the best ever. A whodunit murder in Monterrey, California, occurs at a trivia night and we backtrack to meet all the players and suspects. You have high-strung Madeline (Reese Witherspoon), perfectionist Celeste (Nicole Kidman) meeting new single mom Jane (Shaleine Woodley). Things seems off when Jane’s son Ziggy is accused of attacking the daughter of Renata Klein (Laura Dern in what more than easily netted her an Emmy in my opinion) and a series of misunderstandings and power plays occur. (You think corporate greed is bad and under-handed? You haven't seen Witherspoon’s Martha outdo Dern’s Renata on a birthday party Jane’s son wasn’t invited to!) I am always in love with shows that show the dark underside of those “perfect, ideal suburbs.” And this is no exception. Everyone here fires on all cylinders, but the cream of the crop here is Kidman’s Celeste, especially when you learn her husband Perry (Alexander Skarsgard) is beating her. The way Kidman’s confidence is put on and later crumbles is haunting. But I also must give props to Laura Dern is truly having the best year of her career ever (more on this later in the list, twice, no less) and Renata is just a juicy and perfect role for her. People want a second season of this, but I strongly disagree. The majesty and brilliance of this show is in its limited form, and as much as I’d love to see more from all involved, it’s way better and far more powerful as a standalone limited miniseries.

Outstanding Episode: Burning Love (Original airdate: 3/26/2017)

It’s so hard for me to pick one episode, because literally every single of these episodes were brilliant. But the setup right before the epic revelations in the finale was just too perfect. Jane’s search for her rapist (and Ziggy’s father) hits a dead-end, just as Renata draws up a petition to suspend Ziggy. Woodley and Dern going toe-to-toe is just absolutely epic and I couldn't take my eyes off their confrontation. Kidman also excels this hour as Perry’s beatings finally give her courage to look for an apartment, in the first step to leaving him. Martha is livid that her daughter is auctioning her virginity off online, AND her affair from years back is still obsessed with her. Witherspoon more than makes up for lost time the other ladies have gained with this one scene. It’s just once again a complete tour de force of shade and style and substance.

3) Twin Peaks (Showtime)

I’ve waited patiently for this - since I first started watching the original on Netflix three years ago. And it’s so hard to try and describe this without giving crucial plot points away…AND because David Lynch’s brilliant work is sometimes so hard to dissect. OK, so…after the ending of season two, NegaCoop/Evil Cooper/BOB is still in our world, Dale Cooper himself is still stuck in the Black Lodge. And some transference has to happen for Nega to go back and Dale to exit…but Nega has planned for this and created dimwitted Dougie Jones, whose body Dale switches places with. Does that make any sense? No…well it’s David Lynch so fuck it! Now CONFIDENTLY, I can say that Kyle MacLachlan delivers three fantastic performances, that we connect to the original two seasons wonderfully and Fire Walk With Me perfectly and the entire thing is shot to Lynchian perfection. Everyone involved with this, from Sherilyn Fenn’s return as Audrey, to Robert Forster as new Twin Peaks sheriff Frank Truman (Harry’s brother) fire on all cylinders, but my hat goes off to Laura Dern as the previously mentioned but never seen Diane for delivering a chic character with a LOT of panache. (Special mention also has to be given to the late Catherine Coulson’s Log Lady and Miguel Ferrer’s Albert Rosenfeld for giving their characters more depth and final performances that will continue to make their stars shine). This limited series was something I was looking forward to each Sunday and feel honestly honored to watch a true work of art play out every week. Even if the ending was beyond frustrating, it was all about the journey this summer and honestly one of the best summer TV journeys I’ve ever had.

Outstanding Episode: “Part 16” (Original airdate: 8/27/2017)

The first fifteen weeks were amazing Lynchian art, but the penultimate week had plot development for days. After Dougie stuck a fork in an outlet (it’s a very long story, just watch this brilliant season), he’s in a coma BUT wakes up as the Dale Cooper we’ve all loved. And he’s ready to head back to Twin Peaks. Meanwhile, NegaCoop (he’s called Mr. C in most press but it’s just more fun for me) takes wayward fuckup Richard Horne (Eamon Ferren), Audrey’s (and later revealed HIS) son with him to coordinates given to him. Richard dies by electrocution meant for NegaCoop and knows that one set of coordinates is false, and the other will lead him back to Twin Peaks and to a showdown with his doppelgänger. Meanwhile (see what I did there, Peaks fans?) in North Dakota, Diane Evans (Dern) is contacted by NegaCoop and seems to convulse. She meets with her FBI allies Gordon Cole (David Lynch), Albert (Ferrer) and Tammy Preston (Chrysta Bell) revealing what happened when she met “Cooper” years ago. In short, NegaCoop raped her, took her. And then Diane freaks, saying she’s in the sheriff’s station and pulls a gun on her company, only to be shot by Albert and Tammy. Diane then vanishes to the Red Room, where MIKE (Al Strobel) realizes she’s been manufactured. Meanwhile meanwhile, Audrey Horne (Sherilynn Fenn) after two episodes of will she/won't she FINALLY goes to the Roadhouse with her husband. After a performance by Eddie Vedder, it’s announced the band will play “Audrey’s Dance.” Audrey then recreates her iconic dance from the pilot episode only to be interrupted by a sparring match between two men. “Get me out of here” Audrey says to Charlie, only to awake in a white room somewhere in front a mirror, crackling with electricity. And we still don't know where THAT is! (Seriously, David Lynch, do what you want but why include Audrey only to leave us hanging?!)

2) Stranger Things (Netflix)

One of the best surprises of last year has rightfully become a pop culture phenomenon and become one of the best made, best acted and just most fun shows on any medium right now. Set a year after the Vanishing of Will Byers, we rejoin the gang in Hawkins as Lucas and Dustin (Caleb McLaughlin, Gaten Matarazzzo) vie for the attention of new girl Max (Sadie Sink) who just might be able to hang with the gang, Mike (Finn Wolfhard) still coping with the loss of Eleven (Millie Bobbie Brown), Joyce (Winona Ryder) has a new beau (Sean Astin in a role that is just awkward HIL. AR. ITY.) oh and Will (Noah Schnapp) is having episodes (flashes of the Upside Down) on the regular. Things all begin coming to a head as something new from the Upside Down is coming, and it’s not going to stop with Will, it wants Hawkins, it wants the world. And it provides some of the best TV this year. This show’s word-of-mouth in season one is what contributed to its success, and I think the Duffer Brothers were able to build on that and make this season a standout, a great companion to the first and reset everything for its next two seasons.

Outstanding Episode: Chapter Two-Trick or Treat, Freak (Original airdate: 10/27/2017)

After we find out that not only is Eleven alive, but out of the Upside Down AND LIVING WITH HOPPER - you know I clicked NEXT EPISODE and FAST! We learn how El escaped, setting up a great set of small flashbacks for the rest of the season. But the main event here is Halloween with our heroes, taking full splendor of 1984 with Ghostbusters. (And being the only kids in Hawkins to wear their costumes to school - didn’t you hate when this happened to you?) I really enjoyed seeing the gang begin to try and let Max (Sadie Sink) into their ranks. But our focus this episode is two fold. We first get to see the boys trick-or-treating and we see Will being bullied as “zombie boy” and other nicknames (kids are the worst and its even driven home more later when Joyce, knocked back into the Upside Down. But this time with a video camera that will prove to be very crucial later. We also are privy to the high school’s Halloween party as Nancy (Natalia Dyer) and Steve (Joe Keery) begin to have issues. Nancy, especially, still wracked by guilt over the death and disappearance of her best friend Barb. It’s weird to see the dynamics shift of Steve being the responsible one and Nancy spiraling out of control. We’re still setting a lot of things up here, but the binge continues as Halloween winds down as Dustin finds something in his trashcan that changes the course of the entire season.

1) The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu)

Even if the election of 2016 hadn’t essentially made this work of fiction a bit more real, I would still have given this the #1 slot. Margaret Atwood’s dystopian novel has been a favorite of mine for years and the world of Gilead has needed an onscreen revival after its entertaining but bare ‘90s adaptation. Enter creator and show runner Bruce Miller who took the novel and made a series that is equal parts terrifying, inspiring and breathtaking. The world of Gilead is expanded, lived in, and utterly terrifying in a post-11/8 “45” presidency. But it’s the best show on any platform right now. This is Elisabeth Moss’s show, because she absolutely vanishes into the role of Offred. We get to see how Gilead came to be, through Offred’s eyes and it’s one of the many strengths Miller has made for the series. A first person narrative is amazing, but can only go so far. The series goes beyond only what Offred sees in the novel - we see WAY more here and it sets a lot up. And it’s not just Moss, the entire cast is just fantastic, whether it’s Yvonne Strahovski’s cold and calculating performance as Serena Joy, Samira Wiley’s inspiring Moira - a Handmaid that has escaped, or the Emmy-winning talents of Ann Dowd as the cruel Aunt Lydia. Atwood’s novel is seen during season one and I’m curious what season two is gonna bring us with things never seen in the novel. This is the best 2017 gave us and I knew on its first day of release. The series is a warning, it’s a rally cry, and it is also an inspiring message to never give in, even when things are absolutely horrid. As was written by a Handmaid, and found by Offred: nolite te bastardes carborundum.

Outstanding Episode: “Late” (Original airdate: 4/26/2017)

This isn’t even Elisabeth Moss’ best episode. The reason this episode is the best of the year is because of Alexis Bledel’s Emmy winning performance. AND DOESNT EVEN SAY A WORD DURING THE WHOLE HOUR. We focus on Offred adjusting to the new Ofglen that has replaced Bledel’s. Aunt Lydia interrogates her and Serena assumes Offred is pregnant and defends her against her treatment. (She’s not.) Later when Serena finds this out, Strahovski’s anger and malice play beautifully as she forcibly drags Offred upstairs to confine her to her room. But that’s not the highlight and not why this is the best episode of TV this year. For this we must go back to Ofglen/Emily and Alexis Bledel. She’s been removed from her assigned residence for being a lesbian, a gender traitor and a crime in Gilead, especially the fact that she’s had a secret relationship. She and the Martha (another class of female servants) are sentenced - the Martha hanged (in a tracking shot as a van pulls Bledel away to her own punishment and sentence. We don’t see that until the episode’s end when Dowd’s pious Aunt Lydia comes in to tell Emily she won't want for what she can’t have. We then look down to see she has under gone genital mutilation. Bledel’s silence is finally broken as she screams, and it’s a chilling end to a brilliantly tragic hour of TV.

[xxbyimm]

Enya’s Unexpected Journey - Chapter 12

For all other chapters, click the number: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

Chapter 12

Summary:  Enya saves Thorins' tight ass. Twice. Meanwhile, the tension between Dolvira and Enya slowly builds up.

Well, this was fucking fantastic.

Enya paced a few feet away and sat down on a tree root. Thorin and Dolvira. Dolvira and Thorin. Ugh, their names were an odd match that made her cringe every time she heard it. Enya didn't know if she wanted to laugh hysterically or cry her eyes out. She had been stupid, putting aside all her dignity because she was terribly in love with a guy. Dwarf. Who had a girl. God, this made her no better than Abbie. She honestly tried to seduce him! Enya blushed when she remembered that particular night in Rivendell. The gasp he made when she dropped her jacket... and the kiss they shared afterwards... She believed they both felt something that night. If it wasn't for his self-control, she would not have let go. She would... The thought made her abdomen tighten with desire. Enya sighed. Not that any of it mattered, though. He found his love again. Dolvira was a real bad-ass dwarf woman, a warrior. Once a commander of armies. She was not the prettiest of women, but she had a fair smile. Enya frowned. Looking at herself, she felt like she was nothing compared to Dolvira. She could say that she was less scary and more feminine. And that she possessed those dreamy blue eyes that would make a man do anything. At least, that was what others told her. Enya´s friends at home always were extremely jealous of her.

‘Just a wink, En.’ they used to say. ‘Just a flick from those eyes and the boys lie at your feet.’ Enya did not believe those claims. She was so insecure back then. So in love with the waaay out of her league Jason. She smiled sadly when all the memories she pushed away appeared in her mind again. She used to stare at Jason at the bar and pretend in her head that he was hers. Stupid girl. She had a tendency to fall for those who didn’t want her. So when Jason finally approached her after months of ignoring, she kissed him and took him home. Enya bit her lip. She should not have done that. She should have waited to discover his character before giving him her body. Her dignity. Most importantly: her heart. But she didn’t, because by the time they kissed she was too far down the road to stop. He clearly didn’t give any shit about her heart (or true love), because he crushed her. Twice. Enya stared at her fingernails. And now, her so much envied eyes weren´t helping her either. Maybe she was destined to stay alone. To not know love. Real love. She rolled her eyes when she thought about the things Gandalf had said to her. It seemed that even wizards sometimes were not prepared for the evil plot twists life decided to throw at you. If there even had existed a fling between her and Thorin, it was now gone. Dolvira had entered the game.

Dolvira. Dolvira the bad-ass chick with fiery red hair who couldn´t care less about the opinion of others. Who wasn’t unsure about herself. A woman who knew how to get what she wanted, even with force. Not by seduction. Enya sighed. How could she expect Thorin not to choose such a woman? Even if she put the shared history aside, she could see why he fell for her. It wasn’t for her looks, but the woman possessed an powerful aura. There was something about her… Enya groaned and wanted to evaporate right on the spot. At this stage, she would happily walk into a portal. Or create one. Being a (half?) dwarf in a human world suddenly seemed a lot easier than facing the royal commander duo again. Even the thought of running into asshole Jason seemed less painful. God, she had sunk low. Enya peered at the group from her hiding spot and swallowed hard. Thorin and Dolvira were apart from the rest and her hand was on his shoulder. Dolvira laughed about something Thorin said. She could not see his face. No doubt they had a lot of catching up to do. Why weren't they tangled up in the bushes somewhere? Enya rolled her eyes. Her mind never understood when it was time to stop thinking dirty. SHE did not even want to go near the thought of Thorin and Dolvira making... Enya closed her eyes. No, she should not venture there. She got up and wondered if the pair had really been together all this time. Had they fought side by side when Smaug entered Erebor? When they tried to reclaim the kingdom of Moria? She glanced at the two and was relieved when she saw Thorins' expression (at least for that moment) was dead serious. 'No panties shredding look for our lovable Dolvira!' Her mind stated happily. Enya held back a giggle. If she even wore panties. Probably not. Ew. Enya slowly walked back to the group, praying no one would notice she had been gone for a few minutes. 'Where were you?' Dori asked when he saw her appearing from the bushes. Enya put a smile on her face and cursed herself for not being able to come up with a witty answer. 'Who is that Dolvira woman, miss Enya?' Ori whispered. 'She looks scary.' 'I have no clue.' Enya confessed. 'You should ask Thorin how they met.' ‘But he is supposed to be with you…’ Ori said. ‘What do you mean, Ori? I cannot-’ Her answer was interrupted by a sharp howl that was very close to her. 'RUN!' Gandalf screamed. Boy, that word seemed his go to expression lately. Enya stayed where she was and turned around. A large warg eyed her from the spot where she stood only a few minutes ago, and he was ready to devour her. Enya scoffed and held her sai close to her body. 'Not today, my friend.' The beast lunged forward and Enya screamed as she wanted to release her anger on it, but the warg dropped dead on the mountain slope before it reached her. A knife and a few arrows had hit its head. Enya frowned when Fíli and Kíli dragged her away. They had killed it before she had a fair chance. It made her more mad than it should. 'Come on, miss. Run!' Fíli urged. Enya did what she was told. 'What were you thinking, anyway?' Kíli asked while they ran after the rest of the company. 'Wargs are too large to take on alone!' Enya shrugged. 'Uncle told us to keep a watchful eye over you.' Fíli mused. 'HE DID WHAT?' She roared. Fíli and Kíli shot each other a knowing glance and chuckled. 'He said you are always getting yourself into trouble.' Fíli said. 'And that witches are rare, so we should protect you from harm.' Kíli added. 'Or you doing anything stupid.' Fíli said with a smile. 'I am going to kill him.' Enya muttered and she meant it. The arrogance! How could he even order such a thing? She never did anything stupid! Did he really thing she wanted to be shadowed by two young dwarf princes who always seemed to be up to some mischief? As much as she loved the two rascals, she knew it was best to sometimes keep some distance. Kíli gave Enya a quick push when he saw more wargs running in their direction. They all climbed into the same tree and were just out of reach when the fastest warg snapped off the lowest branches with its sharp teeth. ‘We are in trouble’ Kíli whispered. Well, that was an understatement. Enya groaned as they watched a pack of at least twenty wargs gathered under the trees. Some had riders on them. The ones that didn’t, jumped against the tree in an attempt to tip it over. Enya held on tight to the branch she sat on. ‘They are going to bring down the tree!’ Fíli said, horrified. Enya did not want to look down again, but yet she did. The tree protested and squeaked as its roots were roughly torn away by the wargs. ‘We have to jump, or we will be warg dinner.’ Enya stated. They waited until the poor tree gave in and tipped over. With a loud yell, Enya jumped and hoped for the best. She grabbed the first sturdy branch she saw and clung onto it. Kíli landed right next to her. ‘We need a way to kill them.’ Fíli said anxiously. He was just beneath them. ‘I AM NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR THEM TO KILL US!’ Dolvira yelled from above. Enya turned and watched her. She was near Thorin. The sight made Enya’s envy burn bright. ‘ANY BRIGHT IDEAS THEN, HUN?’ She screamed at Dolvira. She knew this was no moment to start an argument, but she hated that bitch with an intense passion. And it was mutual. Dolvira looked back in a way that… well, if looks could kill, Enya would lie dead under the tree now. Enya watched as Dolvira got her knife and threw it at one of the wargs beneath her. She hit it, but her move did not kill the creature. ‘Really?’ Enya rolled her eyes. ‘SMART MOVE, DOLLY. NOW YOU LOST YOUR WEAPON.’ ‘OH YOU LITTLE- I WILL GUT YOU!’ Enya laughed. ‘Come and get me then, BABE.’ She turned and suddenly got an idea. ‘Give me that pineapple.’ She demanded Kíli. Kíli frowned. ‘You want to throw pineapples at their heads? I doubt it will kill them.’ ‘No, it won’t.’ Enya smiled as she received the pineapple from him and held it in her hand. ‘But we will give them an extra twist.’ She said and with those words it set ablaze. Fíli and Kíli smiled mischievously and quickly got a few more. Enya held her burning pineapple up high so they could light their own. ‘How do you hold them?’ Fíli asked as he juggled the burning weapon in his hands. Enya shrugged. ‘I’m not affect by the fire. I guess because it’s part of me.’ ‘Let’s bombard some wargs with them.’ Kíli laughed. The trio yelled and threw the pineapples at the wargs. Some of them were immediately set ablaze and yelped in panic as they hurried away. ‘Yeaaaaah!’ Kíli cheered. ‘Kill those bastards!’ Fíli encouraged the others. ‘Use Enya’s fire!’ Their little victorious moment was ruined by an enormous pale white orc, striding a white warg that appeared behind the trees. Shit. This had to be Azog the defiler. But didn’t Thorin tell her that filth died of his wounds long ago? Well, he seemed much alive and kicking to her… ‘No. It cannot be.’ Thorin said as he pushed one of a smaller branches aside to get a better look. Azog and Thorin stared at each other and the hatred between them made Enya shiver. Tension hung in the air. Enya prayed in silence that Thorin wasn’t stupid enough to face the orc. Surely he would know he couldn’t go on a suicide mission? She glanced at him and realized that he probably wouldn’t even care if he died. His face said it all. He wanted to take his hated enemy down. No matter the costs. ‘Change of tactic.’ She muttered at Fíli and Kíli and concentrated on the palms of her hand. An icicle appeared and with a straight jerk from her arm Enya launched it into an orcs’ head. The orc dropped dead from his warg. ‘Whooohoo!’ Enya’s mind did a little victory dance. ‘Give me one!’ Fíli pressed. Enya nodded and was about to hand an icicle over, when- ‘KRRRRRRRRRRRRR’ The roots of the tree decided to give up and the whole thing tipped over. Luckily, one root was strong enough to hold on and prevented the tree from falling into the abyss. Nonetheless, it hung very dangerously over the edge and therefore brought the whole company in danger. Everyone tried to hold on the branches, but the one poor Dori and Ori held onto, broke off. Gandalf caught Dori with his staff, and Ori was able to grab Dori, but Enya knew it was matters of minutes before Dori would let go. Dori sobbed. ‘Gandalf! I cannot hold much longer!’ ‘You have to!’ the wizard urged. Enya turned to Thorin and discovered that he wasn’t where he should be. Oh no. For a split second Enya believed that Thorin fell into the darkness, but when she heard the pale orc calling Thorins’ name, she instantly knew where he was. He went to face the pale orc. Enya was unsure what she should do. She whimpered as she saw Thorin charging Azog. ‘THORIN!’ Dwalin yelled and he wanted to go after his leader, but his branch broke off and left him swinging on a dangerously thin thread. Thorin reached Azog, ready to chop off his head, but was brought down by the white warg that jumped upon him. The pale orc laughed as his warg lunged forward and took the dwarf prince in his mouth. Oh no. Thorin screamed in pain, but was able to wound the warg with his sword. The warg tossed him aside, and Thorin landed with his head on a large rock. He didn’t move and seemed unconscious. Enya didn’t think, but reacted instinctively. With all her strength she lifted herself on the tree trunk and ran towards the place where Thorin was lying. She saw the pale orc ordering a minion to cut off Thorins’ head and gripped her knife.

Heck no, this was not happening.

Not on her watch.

Within matters of seconds she reached Thorin and lunged at the orc that already was holding his sword high in the sky, seconds away from severing the head of the dwarf she loved. With a loud yell she took the orc down and landed on top of him. She was all fired up and the poor minion had to pay the price for that. ‘DON’T YOU TOUCH HIM!’ She bellowed and pushed her knife in his chest. The orc screamed in surprise and Enya didn’t stop stabbing him until he laid lifeless beneath her. Orc blood was dripping from her hands, but she had no time to think about that. She quickly got up, grabbed her sai and faced the pale orc. ‘Do not dare to touch him, you filth.’ She growled. ‘You shall have to kill me first.’ The pale orc laughed and said something to her in black speech. Enya didn’t know what he was saying, but the sound of the words made her shiver. ‘I don’t speak such a vile language.’ She said. ‘And I don’t want to know what those dreadful words mean.’ She swung her sai in the air. ‘But know this.’ She whispered and she refused to avoid the pale orcs’ gaze. ‘If you ever touch him again, you’ll wish you’ve never been born.’ Enya vaguely heard battle cries behind her and knew the other dwarves had found their guts again. She smiled as she saw surprise in Azogs’ eyes. ‘Didn’t expect that, huh?’ she said and set her sai on fire. ‘Now. Where were we?’ she purred as she paced closer. Azog growled at her and showed his teeth. Enya raised one eyebrow. ‘Too scared to fight yourself? You really going to let your warg do the dirty job?’ There were interrupted again, but this time by the sound of a dozen eagles that happened to fly above them. Enya glanced at the sky and smiled. They were majestic, beautiful creatures. Much larger than at home. They appeared to be at their side, because Azog quickly retreated as he saw his comrades being thrown in the abyss by sharp eagle claws. Enya watched the spectacle and therefore was not prepared for the enormous claw that grabbed her from the ground. ‘NO! LET ME DOWN! I AM FINE!’ she screamed, but the eagles didn’t seem to hear her pleas. When the claw finally released her, she fell into the abyss. So this was it then, she would die. Enya screamed and saw the trees in the valley growing bigger and bigger. The sky was terribly cold. She could not imagine that some people enjoyed doing this in their spare time. Even with a bungee jump cord or parachute. Enya grunted in surprise when she landed on another eagle’s back. She could not stop shivering and tears ran over her face. ‘I hate heights, I am so sorry!’ she said to the eagle. She had no idea if the majestic bird had any idea what she was saying, but it did turn its’ head a little and made eye contact. Enya grasped the birds’ feathers and held on tight. The feathers were incredibly soft and comforted her a bit. She sat still and was even able to enjoy the beautiful view. ‘It’s magnificent’ she told the bird. She knew it would agree. Enya tried to distract herself from her worries about Thorin with scouting the area for the lonely mountain. It didn’t help much. She sighed and peered at the eagles that were flying ahead of her. Thorin was carried by the one in the front. Enya whimpered. He laid lifeless the eagle’s claws. Enya clenched her teeth. She could only hope for the best and wait…

As soon as her eagle put her down on a platform high in the sky, Enya thanked it for its’ help. After that, she ran towards the spot where one of the other eagles had dropped Thorin. Gandalf was already there, leaning over him. Enya sat next to Gandalf and could not hide the horror that was displayed on her face. ‘Thorin!’ Gandalf urged. Thorin did not move. Gandalf put his hand over Thorins’ face and muttered words in an ancient language Enya could not understand. They waited in silence, but the beautiful blue eyes of the dwarf she loved stayed shut. The other dwarves arrived at the platform as well and hurried to their leader. ‘Thorin!’ Balin shouted. Enya swallowed hard and tried not to cry. Oh god. No. Oh no. ‘What should we do?’ she asked the wizard. ‘I can try one more time’ he answered and he repeated the words. They waited again. ‘He is not waking up!’ Her voice reached an high pitch and did not sound like her usual tone. She didn’t care that everyone now knew she cared deeply for Thorin. That she loved him, even. If it would save his life… Enya felt the tears burning behind her eyes. He was not waking up. This was not happening. Not on her watch. She could live with the fact that he didn’t want to be with her, but she could not let him die. She wanted him to be alive and well, even if it meant she had to accept his love for Dolvira. Her instinct told her what to do. She turned to Gandalf and offered him her hand. ‘Take me.’ She said. ‘Take the energy that is required.’ She meant it. ‘Enya, I don’t know how that works. If I take such a risk, you could die.’ Gandalf said. Like she cared about that. She loved Thorin more than anything in the world. Enya held down a sob when she realized she loved him even more than she valued her own life. It had to be done, and there was no time to argue. ‘I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE COSTS, TAKE IT!’ she screamed at Gandalf. The wizard looked at her, horrified. ‘I cannot just take-’ he began, but Enya didn’t let him finish and took matters in her own hands. She placed one hand on Thorins’ heart and the other on her own. She didn’t know if there was a spell to chant or a special message to make it work, so she just whispered the first thing that came into her mind. ‘Save the one I love.’ The wind took her whisper and it tickled her face. Enya felt her energy slipping away from her. Her mind became hazy and her vision blurred. Her own voice whispered to herself. ‘Save the one I love…’

‘Save his life!’

‘Save him…’

‘I love him…’

She cried when a sudden force blew her away from Thorin. She got smacked down on her back and groaned in pain. Her hands burned, but her mind was too misty to see what was going on. She heard Dolvira screaming Thorins’ name in the distance. Enya wanted to focus, but her eyelids were too heavy. She felt weak, abandoned by both her mind and her body. She wanted to yell, but she had no energy. Every fiber in her body was exhausted. Maybe she gave too much. Maybe she was dying. But if she had saved Thorin in the process… Enya’s mouth curved into a little smile. Then it was all worth it. She let it go and slid into the darkness.

The first thing that pulled her back from the endless darkness she was floating in, were two hands that gripped firmly around her shoulders. Someone was shaking her anxiously and called her name. ‘Miss Enya!’ ‘I told her not to, but she didn’t listen’ Gandalf said softly. ‘You should have stopped her.’ A familiar low, husky voice groaned. ‘She always is too reckless.’ Reckless? Said who? Enya wanted to giggle, but no sound came from her mouth. She did manage to open her eyes for a bit and slowly blinked. Her breath was taken away by a pair of blue eyes, inches away from hers. Thorin hung over her and his hands were on her shoulders. When he saw she was regaining her consciousness, his expression changed. Did she detect some fear in those gorgeous eyes? Enya couldn’t tell, because at the moment, they told her a different story. He was furious. She always seemed to be able to make him angry. ‘Damn it, miss Enya! What were you thinking?’ Thorin yelled. Enya closed her eyes again. ‘Don’t you dare to leave me!’ he hissed. Enya moaned as Thorin got her up and held her in his arms. ‘Please don’t die.’ He whispered softly in her ear. He was very close and Enya breathed in his scent. If she had to leave this world, she had to do it now. This was the right way to go. In his arms. Her peaceful moment was roughly disturbed as her least favorite dwarf of all time entered the scene. ‘Cut the crap and stop acting so dramatic, Enya.’ Dolvira brawled. If Enya hadn’t felt so weak, she would have strangled the bitch. But right now, she had a hard time opening her eyes. ‘Thorin, we have to leave.’ Dwalin pressed. ‘The eagles gave us a head start, but we have to move. Fast.’ Thorin sighed. ‘Give her five minutes. Get yourselves ready.’ Enya heard the dwarves shuffle around her. She forced herself to open her eyes. Thorin stared into her face and treated her with a smile. It was a worried one, but she was happy he decided to let the intentioned speech about her ‘recklessness’ wait for a moment. ‘We have to move on. Can you walk?’ he whispered. ‘Yeah.’ She answered. ‘I should be the one to feel like this.’ Thorin muttered, clearly feeling very guilty about her sudden diminished well-being. Enya smiled. ‘I am fine.’ He narrowed his eyes, and she knew he knew she wasn’t. Luckily, he said nothing. Enya wanted to get up, but Thorin wasn’t letting go of her that easy. ‘Slow down.’ He growled. ‘God, I feel like a train wreck. I would kill for a cup of coffee right now. Or redbull.’ She complained as she slowly got up on her feet again. ‘Coffee?’ Thorin asked. ‘It is a drink. With caffeine, to revive your spirits.’ Enya frowned. ‘In the human world it is especially used in the morning.’ Thorin frowned. ‘I always find that humans are weird living beings.’ Enya giggled. ‘They’ll grow on you, eventually. And trust me, I know.’ ‘We need to move.’ Dolvira said impatiently. ‘I don’t fancy running into that orc pack again, especially not because our lovely lunatic here is too weak to move. We should leave her behind.’ ‘We are not leaving anyone behind.’ Thorin said in an authoritarian tone. Both girls ignored him and paced around each other. Enya tilted her head and smiled. ‘No worries, love. Your lunatic is perfectly fine.’ Dolvira rolled her eyes. ‘You don’t look perfectly fine if you ask me. To me you look like a little harlot.’ Enya burst into laughter. It hurt, but she couldn’t help herself. ‘Harlot? Well good thing nobody asks your opinion, then.’ She faced Dolvira and looked right into her eyes. ‘You know, sometimes it’s wise to say nothing’ she said. ‘I too wasn’t about to share with you that the brow situation you got going on over there is very, very-’ She did not finish her sentence but shook her head dismissively. ‘There is nothing wrong with my brows!’ Dolvira shouted. ‘Oh dear, Dolly…’ Enya whispered. ‘Your brows are a classic tragedy.’ ‘Stop calling me Dolly! You’re the one who looks like a filthy elf.’ Dolvira hissed. ‘You are vain.’ ‘Not really, but I do know the value of a good set of tweezers.’ Enya smiled as she realized that Dolvira had obviously no clue what tweezers were. Her brows were witnesses of that. Poor things. Enya bit her lip and continued. ‘They perform miracles, although I think you are an hopeless case. I think we might need loads of make-up to correct that face!’ ‘I don’t know what these things are and I don’t need them.’ Dolvira said, confidently. ‘My kin doesn’t value looks as much as your kind does. What are you anyway?’ ‘I am a fire witch from the fire beard clan.’ She hissed and two little flames appeared in her hands. ‘Do not dare to insult me, because I will make you suffer.’ ‘I can’t wait.’ Dolvira smirked. ‘Because it will be me who crushes your little pretty face.’ ‘Really?’ Enya scoffed. ‘I wouldn’t trust on that.’ ‘Ladies.’ They both looked up. Thorin eyed the two and he was visibly annoyed by them. Enya cursed herself. He was right. There was no time for drama. ‘Let’s move.’ He then ordered.

Enya bit her tongue when she walked behind the others. The little argument with Dolvira revived her spirits (who needs Redbull now?) but her whole body still was aching. She had to push herself to keep up. She had to continue on this journey. If it wasn’t for her love of Thorin, she had to honor the promise she made to grandma Gigi. She imagined what Gigi would say about this awkward situation. Gigi wouldn’t have reacted the way Enya did. Gigi would not engage in everyday verbal fights. She would smile politely and wait. Until she could strike her opponent with a deadly blow. Enya smiled. Her grandma would press her not to forget about her manners. And from now on, that would be exactly what she was going to do.

That bitch would have to learn not to fool around with the Blueheart family. Because they were a force to be reckoned with.