#love to all my sisters with active EDs

[readingcoco]

TW: eating disorders, recovery

Hello, I don't normally make posts like this but I feel ✨compelled✨

I am a 31 year old lady and I rejoined this website last year to scream into the void about Arthur Morgan (which I have very much done) but I have also made amazing friends and started writing, a hobby I had never considered before, in part because of how inspired I was by the people around me. All of which was unexpected.

The last time I was on this website was over a decade ago, when I was 17 and things were very very different. I was here primarily to find community with other people who were in the depths of their eating disorders, just like I was. It made me feel less alone but it also made me sicker in many ways that I still struggle with today. The only way I was able to find recovery was from removing myself from those spaces and thus leaving this website and others like it for the next 14 years.

I bring this up because I have just come across someone with an ED focused blog interacting with some of my posts. I'm not trying to shame anyone, certainly not the person, because if they are anything like me back then I can only empathize with the level of pain and self hatred they are experiencing. But I can't deny it made me feel weird. And it constantly shocks me that even 14 years into my recovery journey I can still feel unbelievably triggered by discussions of goal weights, calorie counting and thinspo pics 😬

I'm not sure what the point of this post is really, maybe just to articulate the complicated mix of feelings I had towards it. But it did make me think that the biggest thing that I was looking for back then was community, I felt so lonely and thought a space built on the shared experience of being depressed and starving would help ease that loneliness in some way. It in fact had the opposite impact. We were just making each other sicker and I lost more than one friend during that period.

I wish I had found fandom back then instead, which is all about joy and creation, even though many of the people participating are experiencing many of the same issues. It forces you to connect around shared excitement rather than struggle and feeds the soul rather than starves it.

[poppadom0912]

His Girl

Warnings: Brief mentions of the Burke drama and Hannah's overdose situation, Will's dating life?

Summary: Through all the women in his life, at the end, only one ever truly mattered.

A/N: Just because I want to, I'm changing a few things around just for the plot. I was inspired by several fics on ao3 about singlefather!Will so i thought i'd make this part of my Faith Halstead series. Hope you enjoy!!

This is my last fic of the year. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and will have a wonderful new year. Fingers crossed 2024 will be our year. See you all next year!!!

Faith's mother had never been present. It had always been just Faith and Will from day one and he never saw a reason for that to change till he moved back home to Chicago.

Then Will's favourite duo became a trio, Jay unsurprisingly becoming a staple in their lives. Will didn't see any reason to change this dynamic when everyone was happy.

But then he met a few women who changed some things.

Natalie was the first to some degree. There were feelings on both sides but she had a newborn son and a mother-in-law who didn't like him for some reason. Their kiss was a 'mistake' and so he moved on.

Nina was his first official girlfriend since moving back and his hesitancy to get back into the dating scene was as clear as day. So they took it as slow as necessary.

Will was scared. He liked Nina relatively and they were at a point where he was comfortable enough to introduce her to Faith but the lingering fear of abandonment remained. He didn't want to introduce a female and a possible maternal figure into her life just for them to leave.

Luckily, Faith was just touching five when they broke up and he finally got with Natalie.

Those two to three years could be described as near bliss.

He loved Natalie and to see how she took Faith in with open arms, he could've cried on the spot right then. And she was the perfect older sister to Owen, three years her younger, getting along as though they were blood related siblings and being as thick as thieves.

"Hey bubbles." Will called out. His nerves radiating as he sat down besides his daughter on the floor with her toys splayed out on the carpet.

"How would you feel about papa and Natalie getting married?" He asked, apprehension lacing his words. Marriage and having a mother were topics Will often breached with Faith but it had never got this serious and he'd never do anything to this degree without having Faith's permission.

But the second her brown eyes lit up as bright as the stars in the sky, Will felt like everything was finally coming together and for once, he could give his daughter everything she wanted and deserved.

Faith was seven when everything came tumbling down.

She'd been with the bridal party when everything unfolded. She tried remaining naive to the nerves of the bride who she had yet to start calling mum. She tried remaining oblivious at the church when her dad hadn't shown up yet but she sobbed her little heart out when Will was dragged away from her into witness protection.

For the first time in her life, Faith didn't have her dad and she didn't know what to do with herself. Nothing made sense to her, living in a house with Natalie and Owen but not her papa.

When uncle Jay Jay brought him back though, Faith's world was glued back together again, she could finally breathe and for a second everything went back to normal and she thought they'd get the happy ending they deserved.

But then Natalie, the only motherly figure she had besides Maggie, broke up with Will and wouldn't let the duo back into her life.

That was the first ever heartbreak Faith experienced and somewhere deep down, she wasn't sure she was ever going to forgive Natalie for putting her and her papa through such pain like they hadn't been through so much already.

Her newly turned hatred was made apparent. Once the father and daughter moved out, whenever Faith found herself visiting the ED, she actively tried avoiding the woman and if they happened to stumble upon each other, Faith would send the hardest glare a seven-year-old could muster and not even a hi was exchanged.

Natalie's hurt didn't make Faith feel too guilty. She only felt a little bad when Will gently scolded her for being so cold to the woman who was supposed to be her mother once upon a time.

Faith was eight when she was introduced to Hannah. Ever since Natalie, Will had been more hesitant than ever to get into a relationship. The pain Faith went through post breaking up with Natalie had been long lasting and the thought of that happening again deterred Will from the dating scene.

But surprisingly, Faith was the first to propose he go forth with whatever his feelings for Hannah were. Somewhere deep down, apparently, Faith had a soft spot for the OBGYN that gave Will the confidence to move forward.

However, fast forward one year and no disrespect towards Hannah, but if Will could go back in time, he would've changed things.

Will could never forget the events that unfolded that night.

He was coming back from work, you were with Hannah at her apartment, spending the night together which made Will feel some sort of way knowing how well the two were getting along.

The apartment was pin drop silent when he entered which was surprising since it was a weekend and Faith always begged with her puppy eyes to stay up, Hannah could never resist them.

Just as he was taking his jacket off, he heard a familiar cry that caused the hair on his arms to stand on end, his head snapping up at the sound.

Will moved faster than he ever did before, taking large strides towards the distressing cries he barely heard from his little girl as she got older.

"Bubbles, what's-" Will cut himself off as he rounded the corner and caught himself in the bathroom doorway, gripping the doorframe so he wouldn't trip from how fast he was moving.

"Papa!" Faith's voice cracked as she cried. The second she saw her father; she scrambled up from where she was sat on her knees on the ground. "I w- I was just going to brush my teeth when I heard a bang and, and I found her..."

Faith sobbed into her father’s shirt, back turned to the unconscious woman on the floor, her face pushing into his torso as though she could burn away the image from her mind but she had seen enough.

Will immediately switched back on. "Bubbles, listen to me. I need you to go into her room and get that big bag that papa has at home and bring it. Can you do that for me Faith?"

Faith hiccupped, rubbing her red eyes as she nodded up at her dad. Will pressed a quick kiss onto her temple before watching her scramble out the bathroom allowing him to give all his attention to his girlfriend.

It was safe to say, that night did quite a number on Faith and Will found himself taking the blame.

Now in present time, Will hadn't dated anyone since Hannah. He talked to a few women at work and if things had been so much more simpler, something could've happened but then everything flashed before his eyes and he stopped himself.

Faith was eleven now and she was still the sole focus of his life besides work. He could never forgive himself for what he put her through with the women he tried bringing into their lives only for it to never work out.

In the end though, when all was done it seemed that just the two of them survived and thrived perfectly alone.

When Faith first came into Will's life, it was just the two of them battling alone together in a world neither could navigate and eleven years later, it was a little easier but there was still so much Will wished he could get rid of just for her sake.

The sound of the car door opening broke him out of his thoughts, his head turning as he smiled at his dishevelled daughter.

"Hey, how was school?" Will asked, softly smiling at her messy braid, tucking back the fly away hairs behind her ears before pulling away from the school.

Faith hummed, fiddling with her beaded bracelet. "Was good, I have a permission slip you need to sign."

"I'll do it tonight after work, make sure to remind me." Will told her as he started driving towards his brothers and sisters-in-law’s place. Despite his failing love life, his younger brother managed to settle down and Hailey loved Faith despite the short amount of time she knew her.

"Papa-" Faith stumbled over her words, picking the skin around her nails as she tried to form her question. "Um, are you happy?"

Will was caught off guard. His eyes widened a little as he took one hand off the wheel to stop Faith from picking her skin, his tutting making her stop instantly.

"What? Why would you ask that bubbles? Of course I am, I'm more than happy." Will answered confidently, looking at her at a red light to try understand what was going through her mind.

"Why? What happened at school?" Will's tone changed at the thought of someone saying something bad to his little girl.

"No! No! It was nothing like that I promise!" Faith hastily answered before her dad could turn the car back around to give the school a piece of his mind.

"It's just, you haven't gone on a date since Hannah..." Faith licked her lips nervously as she brought up Will's ex who didn't have the best lasting effects on them. "Is it because of me?"

"Of course not. Why would you think that?" Will asked her calmly, completely confused as to why she was thinking in such a way. "I promise you bubbles that I'm happy. You're all I need Faith."

While he drove, Will took a quick glance over to his right and found himself smiling at the adorable face Faith was making. Her eyes squinted from how hard she was smiling to herself at her father's comment.

"C'mere you little gremlin." Will said, welcoming how fast she got up from her seat to be enveloped into his arms. Squeezing as tight as he could, Will made sure not to suffocate her before pressing a kiss onto her hairline.

"Alright, love you lots. Have fun-"

"But not too much fun. I'll keep Uncle Jay in line." Faith rolled her eyes, already knowing what her dad was going to say since he'd been saying the same thing all her life.

Watching his not so baby girl run out the car and towards her uncle's home, Will felt his heart flutter, his chest all warm.

Yeah, he's made some questionable decisions regarding his love life but there was not one mistake made when it came to Faith. When everything came tumbling down, she was all that mattered and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

[midnight-in-town]

Frances Midford : The Mentor, a summary

To follow with my post about fighting against misinformation, here’s a first topic. 

Ciel’s remaining aunt is often viewed by the fandom as a mean lady who doesn’t care, because of a) all the mysteries around the family that Ciel doesn’t know about and b) the use of comic relief in Kuroshitsuji often used to hide some relevant clues, as previously demonstrated in this post. This is actually far from what her character really is about and I intend to demonstrate it now with a (long) recap post. 

I have talked about Frances a lot in the past, about her caring about our!Ciel and about her possibly knowing, like Tanaka, that he was lying about his identity. While the former is undeniably true, the latter is still up for debate. [X][X][X][X] However, with the upcoming adaptation of the Weston arc (probably) in 2024, I don’t want the old discourse to come back, so without further ado...

What Yana has said about Frances’ character

Besides our!Ciel, Frances is the last remaining Phantomhive (not counting real!Ciel as a BD). She’s Vincent’s younger sister, they both have the same parents (that is to say Claudia P and Cedric K. Ros) and she married out of the family (implying that maybe the Phantomhives have distant relatives still alive), becoming Lady Midford. 

According to Yana, Frances takes after their dad while Vincent takes after their mom and the same is true for her kids, meaning Ed takes after her (thus takes after his maternal grandfather) while Liz takes after Alexis. 

As far as her relationship with our!Ciel is concerned, here’s what Yana said in the guidebook : “Frances' strength of character is why Sebastian chose her as a role model Ciel should follow”. Since her relationship with Lizzie is sometimes also viewed negatively, I’d like to add that both in the guidebook and on twitter, Yana said that “Liz thinks her mom is kind and strong so she looks up to her mom as a role model she aspires to become”, hence the similar hair style.

TL;DR Yana’s overall description of Frances is that a) she’s kind and strong which is why b) she’s Lizzie’s role model, as well as the role model Sebastian thinks our!Ciel should follow.

Now that this is established, here’s what the canon story gives us, to illustrate Yana’s words. Spoilers for the entire manga series and long read below the cut.

Frances’ introduction

Frances is introduced in ch14 and, boy, what a generally misunderstood chapter by some parts of the fandom. xDD

Contextually, ch14 is Ciel’s birthday, meaning it is also the anniversary of the massacre of the previous household and Madam Red just died, after trying to kill him. For those who might wonder, the guidebook confirmed that our!Ciel was quite saddened by Ann’s death (obviously), so really, what a fun 13th birthday in perspective. Cue Liz and Frances. 

The comments on her strength aside, Frances’ introduction is otherwise often misread as her nagging being inappropriate but I beg to differ. As mentioned by @akumadeenglish​ and @chibimyumi​, Yana is Japanese author who likes to explore writing tropes in depth. Though it’s also important to remember that, before the curry arc, Yana didn’t know how long the series would run so everything had less intent, because the story was initially supposed to end quickly.

In other words, Frances’ introduction really is initially to be read as the severe mother-in-law (based on Japanese comical stereotypes) coming to check on how he handles his household, which is why Seb is so stressed out when everything goes bonkers. But that’s only the surface. 

Most importantly though, Frances showed up because it is Ciel’s birthday and, as said above, there’s a lot of negative and dreadful memories associated with this day. So...

...let’s change his mind, shall we? 

Phantomhives love games and Frances is a Phantomhive too, the last one besides our!Ciel, so she knows her nephew and chooses an activity she knew he wouldn’t be able to resist. 

Ch14 also introduces two important facts that are still relevant as plot points, especially as far as the Blue Revenge arc is concerned. The first one is that our!Ciel protected Lizzie from that bear, so Frances said she owes him. 

Secondly, as stated by Frances herself, she knows the ropes of the “game” (aka acting as the Watchdog) better than our!Ciel (”you’ve still got a decade to go before you can even think of winning against me”). 

In fact, like our!Ciel with real!Ciel, Frances was probably raised as Vincent’s spare [X][X], but compared to our!Ciel who knew next to nothing about his father’s real job until 3 years ago (at the time of ch14), Frances is an experienced veteran...

And that’s why Seb chose her as a role model for our!Ciel.

Therefore it is my opinion that ch14, despite being written back when Sensei didn’t know how long the series would be published, is still relevant as heck when it comes to Frances’ role in the series, aka acting as a mentor for our!Ciel (and for Lizzie, as Yana also stated). Kuroshitsuji is a slow story though, with a lot of build up and it’s why some fans still fail to see how significant Frances is to the plot and to our!Ciel’s development. 

Campania arc

Liz is the one who comes to ask our!Ciel to come with her whole family (thus introducing Alexis and Edward) on a cruise, but it’s also very important to note that she conveyed that Frances thought that our!Ciel should take time off of work:

This led some of us fans to theorize that maybe Tanaka used to send updates to Frances about our!Ciel’s wellbeing and how he fared as the Watchdog: the timing of the cruise works well with Frances’ remark, considering that the Queen just sent Charles Grey as a merry punishment for Ciel’s deeds during the Circus arc. 

This arc mostly highlights Frances’ bravery and strength : she didn’t hesitate to fight for countless of passengers unrelated to her (something that UT said isn’t very typical of Phantomhives, during Weston)...

More importantly, we finally get into Lizzie’s personal motivations and we indeed have the confirmation that...

...Frances is a big key to Lizzie’s strength, confirming the role model/mentor position that she holds in Lizzie’s eyes. I’d like to also point out that Frances completely trusts in her daughter’s abilities, which highlights a very positive mother/daughter dynamic.

Lizzie’s flashback gives us this very important bit...

...a part that’s unfortunately often overlooked by the fans complaining that Frances is too severe with our!Ciel and Lizzie. This scene however makes way more sense once we find out, after the Weston arc, that Frances lost her mother Claudia (the Watchdog before Vincent) when she was probably about 12 or 13 years old (Vincent being 15 years old then). 

To me, this is a big explanation as to why Frances is as serious about training as she is:

Indeed, she lost at least her mom (and later her brother) so, since her daughter is betrothed to the future Watchdog, she wants Liz to be strong enough to survive. All I see in the former panel is a mother saddened by the burden on her child’s shoulder and desperate to imagine that she will be exposed to a lot of danger as an adult. 

Side point there, but it’s likely there’s a very relevant reason Frances’ only daughter was betrothed to Vincent’s heir when they were young kids. We’ll dive into it later, but I believe the answer is tied to the Phantomhive lineage introduced in ch103. 

Lastly, our!Ciel’s flashback also gave us another important bit to explore...

...which is that our!Ciel directly applies what Frances once told him to his current path for revenge: 

Also note the allusion again to Vincent “losing the game”, creating a parallel with Frances telling our!Ciel in ch14 that “he still has a decade to go before he can even think of winning against her”, because he has a lot to learn from her, especially since even he admits that he knows next to nothing about his own family.

The previous spare teaching the spare. How fitting. :D

Weston arc

Even if Frances only appears in this arc during the cricket game, I think there is a lot to be deduced from it. First, I’ve said it long ago and I’ll say it again: I strongly believe Frances played a part into Vincent’s victory during the first blue miracle.

Mind you, Tanaka basically confirmed that Vincent cheated to win (since he knew what Seb and Ciel were up to) and I could totally see Vincent asking his strong little sister to crossdress in order to destroy the Green team. xDD Besides, she certainly seems uneasy whenever the topic is brought up and she also wasn’t fooled by Ciel’s act when he won, haha!

This is silly, but this shows (imo) that Frances and Vincent had a good sibling dynamic, with Frances supporting her brother as the Watchdog as much as she could, which is heartwarming because this means Frances would have no reason not to support her brother’s sons after his death. 

Tanaka (who, according to Yana, was already in the household taking care of Vincent and Frances as children) and Frances happily dancing together at the end of the tournament also confirms this. Vincent and Frances having a strong sibling bond would also explain why, despite Claudia’s death, Frances would agree to the betrothal between Lizzie and Vincent’s heir (and would keep it that way, even after Vincent’s death).

All that to say, I’m sure the cricket game confirmed to Frances how similar our!Ciel is to Vincent on some aspects (the second blue miracle attests to that), which probably makes him somewhat predictable (and reassuring?) to her.

One thing that I also believe is important is Ed’s mini flashback during the game. On this topic, Yana has said that she couldn’t draw his backstory in detail, so she’ll probably expand on that in the future, which makes me think that there is some foreshadowing in there. 

TBH I think it’s ironic that Ed would consider himself as “ordinary”, considering the whole lineage thing introduced one arc later. xDD But also, if we consider that the tale of Vincent’s first blue miracle is supposed to hint that Vincent and Frances were close as siblings, it’s nice that Ed, who takes after his mom the most, would also have his own flashback about loving and looking up to his sister a lot, despite his small inferiority complex. Considering that Liz sees their mom as her role model though, I guess that means Ed also sees his mom as a role model (though the Campania arc already made that pretty clear). 

During the Weston arc, Frances also managed to surprise Sebastian, both by recognizing him (lol) and by stopping him despite his intent to leave, which is, according to the demon himself, no small feat: 

Like the usual nagging she does towards Seb though, it’s played for laugh, but as introduced in this post, I believe overused comic relief is a way to foreshadow some hints and we’ll dive into it with the next arc. 

Last but not least, during this arc UT commented that our!Ciel was different from his ancestors when he willingly put himself in danger to save Joanne...

...but as presented during the Campania arc, it seems it’s a trait he shares at least with his aunt, furthering the parallels between them and the fact that she would definitely make a good mentor for our!Ciel, because they’re quite alike and can probably understand each other. 

Green Witch arc

The only relevant part of this arc with Frances’ character is the introduction of a special lineage in the Phantomhive family by German Shinigamis...

...something that might explain why our!Ciel was able to notice them, when even Seb didn’t. So this begs the question: who else in his family shares this lineage? And obviously, Frances and her kids might !

My personal opinion is that the lineage thing is old and is probably why the Phantomhive family became the Watchdogs, many generations ago. But also, if our!Ciel can notice Shinigamis thanks to it, could it explain why Frances was able to detect and catch Seb during opening ceremony before the cricket game at Weston? And why she always nags him about his appearance (both hair and face)? That remains to be confirmed, but...

...at the very least Bravat in the recent arc confirmed that some gifted people like himself can “sense” that demons are different. Just like animals [x][x], apparently. Bravat is irrelevant besides being a small scale villain though, so I take it as a hint for a more plot significant character, such as Frances, whose nagging behavior towards Seb is way too overused as comic relief anyway. 

The lineage thing is yet one more family topic on which Frances probably has answers to give to our!Ciel (the only other people who might know about it being Tanaka and UT). 

Bonus : if what Vincent said below about strong-willed women in the family line (from a side story “With Father”) is a hint towards the lineage thing...

...then it’s probably why Vincent wanted Lizzie to be betrothed to his heir in the first place and why Frances agreed. 

Blue sect & blue revenge arcs

I already mentioned that Bravat’s innate ability to recognize Seb as a demon was a hint that other characters, like Frances, might be able to guess that Seb is a demon as well, so moving on to ch151 :

This chapter confirms that UT has known Frances since she was very young (which is a hint to the UT = Cedric theory of course), which also explains why, knowing about her strength, UT went on with the whole BD massacre on the Campania despite the presence of our!Ciel and the Midfords on board. 

Also, while this chapter neither confirms nor denies if Frances knew about our!Ciel lying about his identity (like Tanaka and UT did), she didn’t show anger nor disbelief about the situation, just her incomprehension.  

More than anything, this chapter strongly hints that our!Ciel will at some point seek his aunt for a talk before the final confrontation with UT and real!Ciel, because both are seeking answers to their different questions (our!Ciel needs to find out about UT & his grandmother and the lineage thing, while Frances will want to know what’s the deal between the twins). Speaking of which, a talk between Lizzie and Frances is probably also in order, before Lizzie can choose our!Ciel’s side again.

Lastly, ch151 hinted that Frances doesn’t fully believe that real!Ciel’s return is “natural”...

...and, i mean, why would she? She faced the Bizarre Dolls on the Campania and, for all we know, Edward told her how the Weston arc ended so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ considering that UT has been involved every time, the Midfords probably aren’t far from connecting the dots about real!Ciel being already dead. 

To sum up !

Outside of the narrative, Yana said that Frances was Lizzie’s role model and that Seb also wanted her to be the model our!Ciel should follow. And, in my opinion, the entire series so far (as I tried to present in this post) is slowly building up to that because :

our!Ciel and Frances are very similar: both the spares & both survived their parents’ and brothers’ death 

both saved folks unrelated to them despite being Phantomhives, meaning that they are a bit alike and can understand each other

our!Ciel literally built his path of revenge following the advice Frances told him about how to counterattack an opponent

Again, to understand who targeted his family, our!Ciel needs to find out about his grandmother, about the lineage and about why his dad had to be killed amongst other things. The only people who can answer him are UT, Tanaka and Frances. 

I believe UT and Tanaka are more connected to Claudia, but also both are by real!Ciel’s side for now, making them less accessible for a talk. This leaves Frances for the time being and, as Vincent’s sister and Claudia’s daughter, it seems appropriate that answers would be coming from her. 

Also, in shonen series, usually the hero(es) have a mentor figure who will help them “unlock their potential” through training. Kuroshitsuji is not your usual shonen and I doubt our!Ciel can become better at fighting lmao, but Frances can certainly help him better appreciate the massive scale he’s bound to face when seeking his revenge. Especially if it all goes back to events from 3 generations ago and a worldbuilding full of supernatural elements, as well as a world war he doesn’t entirely comprehend yet. 

Frances acting as a mentor/role model for her own kids also foreshadows that they’ll follow our!Ciel on his journey and, like him, they’ll definitely need her wisdom/knowledge to be able to reach the necessary level for survival by his side.

As to when all that is going to happen, well, I’d say Frances will probably take on a more active role in the plot when, to quote Seb in ch14, "[our!Ciel] will overconfidently believe that he cannot lose and that it will be necessary for him to carry himself with humility while striving for his goal". Because by then, "an adult who will be firm with him is what he'll need". 

If that doesn’t foreshadow the current conflict between the twins, I don’t know what does. xD

Thanks for reading!! As always, let me know if I’ve forgotten anything !

[froot-batty]

Hello! I am in love with your AU, it tickles my brain just right and I adore everything about it. So I just have a couple questions:

1. Why is Jervis so eepy all the time? Does she have narcolepsy? Is it a side effect of his brain damage? Or is she just like that?

2. So this Jon is aspec, right? Who does he love/care about, and how does he show his love and affection to him? (Also bonus: does Jon go by "it" exclusively when Scarecrow?)

Thank you!!!! And have a lovely day ^^

Thank you very much !! I'm always glad to know my AU is infecting people like a little brain parasite

Jervis is permanently eepy mostly because of the brain damage, yeah! She liked to sleep before the bump to the head (it was a kind of coping mechanism - to sleep through her problems - and it has been ever since she was a kid), but it only got worse as a result of that

One of the symptoms he experiences is a whole ton of fatigue. Chronic migraines paired with muscle weakness make a lot of activities physically exhausting for him, so sleep is one of the ways he recharges or escapes from particularly painful days

Also, sometimes it's just a good excuse to cuddle up with your friends :]

---

Jon is both Demiromantic and Demisexual :]. As of right now he doesn't have a partner, and he's quite content with that, but he's got lots of people he loves - even if his emotionally stunted ass won't admit it

His closest friends are Ed, Jervis as of right now, and Waylon! He also has a soft spot for Harley, as they were former coworkers! How he shows his affection differs depending on the person:

With Ed, they're both really emotionally distant guys, and neither of them seek physical touch (with Ed disliking it), so he's all about actions with them. Busting them out of Arkham, reluctantly answering riddles or testing out their puzzles, things like that. Ed is much the same way. They are a very snarky pair of guys.

Jervis' main love language is obviously physical touch, so the easiest way for Jon to show his affection is by letting Jervis cuddle up with him or hold his hand. He also will NEVER admit it, but he worries about her physical condition. When she gets tired, he'll let her sit on his shoulders (He also does tend to consider Jervis weak and in need of protection, and often underestimates him)

Waylon and him are SOUTHERN BUDS. Jon likes being around Waylon because he's just a genuinely nice guy. They have nice chats and look out/do favors for each other! Another example of Jon's love language being "busting your pals out of an insane asylum" though

When he worked with Harley, he thought of her as an overconfident, naïve, but well-meaning little sister. They're still friendly after Harley turned over to the dark side, but there's a part of Jon that resents how the Joker stole that glimmer of real promise that Harley had. Jon shows his affection for her by not injecting that annoying clown with a lethal dose of fear toxin

And to answer your bonus, yes! It came from the news articles written about the Scarecrow when Jon first started out, which used it/its for it because nobody really knew what the Scarecrow was. Jon liked it so much he adopted it into the Scarecrow persona (he probably wouldn't mind being called it/its in his normal life, but he ain't opening that can of worms, no sir)

Thank you for your questions !! I hope this satisfied >;}

[luaveltarot]

Puzzle pieces that describe your future spouse-

Pick a snap

(1-4 from left to right)

CALM AND CENTRED

Casual

Reputed

Cyclical, someone with whom you shared on and off, highs and lows of life

Crush

Frank, candid or open during conversations

Like to paint, an artist

Does not believe in organised traditions or religions

Peaceful

Craiova

Profession- Doctor, Nutritionist, Gym trainer,Banker, Finance manager and Mathematics teacher.

Quotes -

“Everything is better with you, everything has been better since you.”

“Your eyes stole all my words away.”

2. STRONG AND RESILIENT

Like to try different cuisines

Countryside, rural place

Biblical

Cardinal sign (Aries, cancer, libra and Capricorn) Rising

Clever and intelligent, notices the minutes

French, Mexican, German and Irish

Crazy

Brandon Crandall (name could resonate for a few)

Grandma vibes (ik it’s weird but it could mean that they are worse beyond their age)

Meet him when he’s burning junk

Praised by people

Quotes-

“You are my favourite feeling.”

“No relationship is all sunshine but two people can share one umbrella and survive storms.”

3. SAFE AND PROTECTED

Tan skin (caramel)

Into high brands, buys a lot of things from statement brands

Heavenly voice

Beaming personality

Logical

6th house energy; good routine, fitness and healthy diet.

Balance personality

No expectations from others, set boundaries

Pink

Penguin, gentle, loyal creatures who are devoted to their mates

Bachelor

Juno energy, wants to commit for the long haul and fiercely loyal

Aquarius Venus

Quotes-

“I just want to be loved and f***ed by you. For the rest of my life.”

“I’m a hopeless romantic with a dirty mind and high standards. I want to be treated like a lady in public, ravaged in private and wooed for eternity.”

4. MAKE A WISH

Travel (profession related tours)

Libra mercury

Loves their sister

Words meet their action. What they say, they do.

Active (also I’m getting strong arms and legs)

Bull(could be a taurus), protective, patient and will compromise for you

Currently they are not in a good position mentally, something holds them back from being the best version of themselves

Six number

Buddhist bell; signifies wisdom and skilful

Morning person

Quotes-

“No matter what the day brought for us. I want you to know that I’m always here for you to share your worries celebrate your victories and just talk. Sweet dreams my love!”

“It’s the connection we can’t explain.”

[lollipopsub]

Updates on Utsukushii Kare: Eternal + S2 (as per Jan 26, 2023)

hi lovelies 💓

a lot is happening for this fandom at the moment, so I got a request to gather as much as possible of the info we've received so far!!

Here is a pretty long post summarizing what we know thus far!

The movie is called Utsukushii Kare: Eternal. The tagphrase on the poster is "Time and time again, I will search for you. Time and time again, I will love you. That is my eternity."

The movie will premiere April 7 in Japanese theaters.

The movie and the drama is NOT THE SAME THING.

I've seen a lot of people who seem to think the movie will just be like a special cut or something, but no, we're getting lots and lots of new story!!

The stories will connect, and the movie will serve as a continuation of season 2.

Here's the first trailer for the movie:

That's all we know about the movie so far.

Onto the drama!

Season 2 will start airing February 7

.... on a handful of different Japanese channels. At the time of writing, nothing has been confirmed about international distribution.

The first trailer for the show will be released next week, Tuesday the 31st of January!

The synopsis for Season 2:

"The days pass in bliss... Hira is in his 4th year of university and Kiyoi is active as a newly debuted actor. They live together in Hira's house as boyfriends. However, Hira's religious worship is unchanged, and the way he crawls and bows as low as possible without hesitation is causing neverending worries for the beautiful, arrogant King, Kiyoi. In addition, Hira has discovered a new hobby of following Kiyoi around while in disguise so as to not be found out. He did his best to not disturb Kiyoi, just watching, alone and quietly – but then an event lets him befriend a fellow fanboy.

As graduation grows closer, Hira's friends are busy hunting for jobs, and Hira starts worrying about his lack of job experience...

What road will Kiyoi and Hira choose as they move towards adulthood?"

The above, taken from the official website, is nearly the same synopsis as the second book, Nikurashii Kare, so it's likely that the season will be based on this book.

Cast so far:

So we have Koyama again, and otherwise there's a lot of new casts. A few have also confirmed that they'll be in the movie too: Hira's sister Naho, his nephew Tomoya, and it sounded on the actress as if Anna will also be in the movie. The rest are only officially confirmed to be in the show, but to be fair, absolutely nothing has been revealed about the movie yet other than title and the fact that the stories will connect.

The OP & ED songs will be done by the same artists as season 1, just switched around - so the opening song for S2 will be "Bitter" by Roce (ロス), who sang the ending song "Follow" from S1. Bitter will be from Hira's POV.

The ending song as well as the theme song for the movie will be by Mosawo (もさを。), called Kinmokusei ("Sweet Osmanthus", it's the name of this flower). Kinmokusei will be from Kiyoi's POV.

I think that's it for the time being, but I will try to update you whenever other more relevant news come out, and ofc I'll do my utmost to subtitle the upcoming trailer as soon as possible!!!

if you read this far, ilu <3

[thisisthinprivilege]

ANONYMOUS PLEASE <3 I’m at my wit’s end with my mother. I wanted to complain about her fatphobia, and I also wanted to you thank you for how reading here has helped me and my sisters. 

I’m a small fat in my 40s. I’ve been a bigger fat, and I’ve also been very, very skinny. I developed anorexia at about age 6 due to the usual issues one develops that from and was thinner than thin until I finally started to actually recover. I got very fat very quickly on the drugs I was put on, then dropped down in size to small fat once I stabilized and didn’t need them. No idea what my “comfortable” or “natural” size would have been without so much damage, but I’m going to guess “about this”, since it’s what I am when I’m neither restricting to the point of heart damage, nor on drugs that also made me sick in many other ways. For me, a comfortable size is the size I have when I’m not actively altering it in ways that hurt me, so I’m not going to question it.

My next younger sister, however, is a bigger fat, and pretty much always has been. In her 30s, she’s fat in a way that does restrict her clothing options and employment (she once told me that an interviewer had given her “feedback” on a job interview, and it was that she looked “sloppy”. She was wearing perfectly nice, clean, pressed, professional clothes- and expensive clothes of course, as that’s the rule for bigger clothes as we know. She was just fat in them.) Being “healthy” doesn’t really matter to this - and indeed if it did I wouldn’t have half of this rant - but she is. Fit and strong, great at physical things like endurance sports in a way I never have been. She is also perhaps the most self-aware and level-headed person I have ever met about stuff like this. When what people say bothers her, she will discuss her feelings and not try to hide them or their impact, but she will also deconstruct, and conclude that what the person has said is stupid. So it’s like she neither tries to pretend she’s immune to harm, nor allows others to be right in hurting her. 

And she eats exactly what she wants, and since we’re both autistic this also includes pickiness on sensory stuff - she doesn’t eat what she doesn’t want to, and does eat what she does. She was a great person to be around during my recovery, even though I never even mentioned to her at the time that I was in it (I didn’t tell anyone in my family about it until years later,) just because she made food such a non-issue. 

And our mother will not shut up about her size. Our mother is also fat, we’re a fat family, but my mother decided years ago that I am the one to make my sister “address her weight.” I literally left the country to get away from my family (not related to this specifically) and she STILL emails me about it. I don’t respond to those emails. I DO have lovely chats with my beloved sister on Skype though. 

I have tried all your scripts with my mom before - the team here have SO many great scripts that have worked wonderfully for me in other situations, like work or friend groups. I have told my mother I don’t agree, many times backed up with sources (sources thanks to you!) I have told her I’m not interested in the conversation and have hung up or walked away when she has persisted. I’ve called her out when she tries it on in public on multiple occasions. She will not stop. She is convinced that my extremely wonderful, fit and thriving, very happy sister is at death’s door. She’s also convinced that I, a person who has been repeatedly hospitalized for ED and the mental complications that caused it (which she now knows all about, and in fact did visit me in hospital the last time I was in, which was only a few years ago by the way) am the person to talk to her about it and make her see the error of her ways. My sister and I talk quite openly about this, and we’re both agreed our mother is full of shit and we’ll both be ignoring this. We both have also decided to persist in having a relationship with her, though with BIG boundaries around it. (Trust me, this fat bullshit is the thin edge of the wedge with her, and we’re both VERY exacting about when we will talk to her and what about. But we also both love our mother, and she’s the only parent we have.) The thing I’m most struggling with I think is that as I said, our mother is also fat. I actually feel some real sympathy here as I’m aware she’s clearly projecting her own issues on both of her daughters, but god is it mean. She couldn’t see how sick I was when I was skinny, even though I was very literally beginning to die (in fact, all she had to say to me was to mention my weight when I got fat) and she can’t see how happy my sister is in her life, because she’s fat so can’t possibly be happy, and she’s still, now, as perhaps some last gasp of control, attempting to make us fight each other over it. 

It hasn’t worked, thankfully, and it never will.

My mom has many other issues, I’m sure, but my god, it is sometimes quite astounding to look at what hell fatphobia hath wrought on my mom’s psyche and ideas of being a parent. I’m grateful my sister(s) and I instead read blogs like this so we’ll hopefully pass a lot less of this on. So I guess this rant is half a complaint and half a thanks. It’s been really helpful to be able to come here and read, for both of us (and our younger sisters as well, who we are steadily converting), to remind ourselves that mom’s wrong. My sister is fat and an exceptional person. I’m fat now too, and the world didn’t end (and in fact actually got a lot better.) Our mom is just plain fucking wrong.    Anyway, thank you. I know you’re not planning to be as active with new posts lately, but please know that you’ve been wonderful this whole time, and keeping your archives up is of immense help to at least this one group of sisters. It's been awesome to relay one of the younger ones to an older post from time to time (actually quite a few times!) Note: I wanted to tag ED as I do mention it but I don't see it in the list of tags under submission. I tagged "trigger warning", "Weightloss", and "food" to hopefully cover it. 

Apologies for the first post of this.

[flamingo-writes]

Heyyyyyy, sooo I was thinking bout being Mike's older sister, and dating eddie secretly, but then, Ed has to mention his girlfriend( they still dont know who it is, just that he has one),but none of the hellfire boys believe him and then one night, in a make out sesh on his throne, the boys come in the room,( eddie "forgot"😉 it was DnD night) and Mike is just like, shooketh and it's really funny, sorry if it's too precise or detailed

I was away for the weekend and hardly had time to write. But, As soon as I saw this request I fell in love with it and started writing it right away. It took me some time to get done bcs adult life sucks, and this kinda turned out longer than expected 🤡 but that shouldn’t come as a surprise at this point. This also turned out fluffier than expected, I wanted this to be funny but it turned out to be more soft and fluffy… with some funny parts ofc.

Im also implying that the design of the Hellfire shirt was made by the reader.

Got To Be Real — e.m.

Eddie Munson x Wheeler!Reader

Title based off N.I.B. by Black Sabbath

Word count: 3.6K

Warnings: None that I can think of. Mentions of the reader having an active sex life, I guess?

Mixtape Masterlist

Mike unfolded the new shirt Eddie had thrown at them. Giving a new shirt to each and every one of the members of the Hellfire Club, making sure he handed the right size at everyone. Dustin chuckled next to Mike as Mike admired the details, the D20, a sword in fire, the logo, it all looked pretty badass, Mike thought.

“Oh shit, Eddie, these new shirts are amazing. Where did you get them?” Dustin asked as Mike wasted no time and put it on over the Star Wars shirt he was wearing.

“Oh, my girlfriend does screen printing” Eddie replied.

Dustin laughed again, this time differently, as Mike’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion and looked up, meeting Eddie’s dark eyes incredulously. Girlfriend?

“Whoa, whoa, your what now?”

“My girlfriend, Henderson” Eddie said in a sassy voice.

“Yeah right”

“You don’t believe me?” He asked, his voice growing more serious, as the look in his eyes changed quickly.

“I me-mean, I rarely see you talk to girls, you know, you intimidate most people…and screen printing is such an odd hobby…” Dustin said, justifying himself with a nervous giggle as he tried to reach at straws for whatever could help him from seeing Eddie’s wrath.

“My sister does screen printing” Mike said, looking at Dustin.

“Your sister is an art student…” Dustin blurted out “Besides, she’s living in Indianapolis, she’s not dating Eddie”

Eddie frowned, his look only growing more and more serious and colder, looking at Dustin, as if he wasn’t making any sense.

“I mean, yeah…She’s been acting odd ever since she started college, I think she might be dating someone, though…but every time I ask she refuses to tell me” Mike added, making Eddie chuckle and look away, rolling his eyes annoyed.

“She’s dating some dude from college…” Dustin stated as if it were obvious.

"Are you done chit chatting, kids?" Eddie interrupted bitterly.

"How’s your girlfriend called, then, Eddie…" Dustin asked with a defying look.

Eddie chuckled.

"That’s none of your goddamn business, Henderson" Eddie growled.

"Because she isn’t real" Dustin intervened.

Mike hit Dustin on the ribs with his elbow, as Dustin flinched and whined. Mike giving him a look with wide scared eyes, hoping that Dustin would het the message that he was pissing Eddie off. However, Dustin raised his eyebrows confused and shrugged, making Mike sigh and roll his eyes.

"Can I level with you?" Eddie's voice suddenly sounded calm "Assuming my girlfriend was imaginary, then why would I bother lying to you about where I got the shirts?" He asked.

"Good question," Dustin said, "But I still think it’s odd we’ve never seen you with a girl before, and you don’t tell us her what name is—"

"Henderson," Eddie cut him off with a serious low growl.

"Yes?"

"Give me back that shirt"

"Wha-what?" Dustin laughed uncomfortably "C’mon Ed…I-I’m kidding. This shirt is very cool, and your girlfriend is very talented. Tell her I said these are amazing…" Dustin mumbled nervously, as he clung to his shirt

"That's what I thought" Eddie said.

The last Friday of every month was Hellfire Club Friday. The last Friday of every month, they knew they couldn’t make any plans, as they were going to spend the entire afternoon playing D&D. However, you had forgotten that little detail.

Every time you returned to Hawkins, you usually spent the Friday nights and Sunday mornings with your family before driving back to Indianapolis. And the entirety of your Saturday with your boyfriend, Eddie. And you knew Eddie usually held campaigns on Fridays, but it was hard to track when exactly, and you knew he liked to take his time carefully planning everything, going over his notes from previous campaigns. You admired his dedication to his craft.

This, as well as his creativity, among many other things were what made you fall in love with him. Four years of high school, getting together every once in a while to play D&D, even though you two belonged to different social groups, you still got along pretty well. And slowly fell for each other over the course of your high school years, and started going out on dates in your last semester.

And while Eddie didn't get to graduate with you, that didn't stop him from asking you to be his girlfriend. And moving to Indianapolis for college did not stop you from saying yes.

And for two long years, you'd manage to keep your relationship afloat and going strong. While the both of you wished you could see each other daily as opposed to a few times a month, you made up for it by calling each other on a daily basis.

And during your last phone call, Eddie sounded particularly needy and whiny, begging you over and over again to go see him on Friday after school.

And saying no to him required a whole deal of effort. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to say no to him. You left Indianapolis earlier than you usually did, to get to see your boyfriend for a while before your usual expected arrival at your parent's home.

Needy was an understatement. Eddie was sitting on his throne, with you straddling him. His lips attached to yours, devouring and swallowing every sweet noise that came out of your mouth. A slow yet passionate kiss, telling you exactly how much he'd missed you.

His hands roaming underneath your shirt, as you knew this make out session was going to end up with the both of you hot and bothered, as you wouldn't be able to do much in there without drawing suspicions. That, and you were running out of time. But boy, was it nostalgic. Your first kiss looked something like this. It had started as a shy kiss with the Dungeon Master after the last campaign of your high school and him confessing his feelings for you.

However, Eddie had deliberately missed the little detail that today was Hellfire Friday, and everyone else was on their way to the classroom where Eddie was taking his time teasing you. Touching your soft spots, tasting your needy moans, and making sure you knew how much he missed you and how much he needed you, although he knew he’d have to wait until tomorrow to finally claim you as his once again. Right now it wasn’t about making love to you, it was about getting to fool around, and proving his point to the newest members of the Club who didn’t believe him when he said he had a girlfriend.

"Wait, she's back already?" Dustin asked Mike curiously as they turned left on the hall, making their way to the Hellfire Club.

"Yeah she said she finished this term earlier because she aced everything and doesn't have to show to her finals…" Mike explained, telling him how your summer holidays had basically started earlier this semester.

"Whoa, she's so cool!" Dustin sighed.

"I know, night? Anyways, I asked her if she could pick me up after the campaign tonight since Nance will be busy, and I doubt my dad wants to miss on his game on the TV to pick me up…" Mike said.

"Could she give me a ride back to my place?" Dustin wondered.

"Yeah, of course. She loves you," Mike added.

As they stopped in front of the door, they pushed the door open, unaware of what they were both about to see. As the door creaked open, the heard a soft moan, and quickly exchanged uncomfortable stares before Dustin finished pushing the door open. The door made a louder creaking noise, and the horror that soon took over their faces could not be compared to anything they’d ever seen.

"Oh, oh! What the fuck?!" Dustin yelled, realizing there was a girl sitting on Eddie’s lap.

"Shit, Eddie, next time could you—" Mike whined, as shocked as Dustin, however, his voice was cut off, and he felt his jaw fall to the ground, as he put the pieces together, paralyzed, shocked.

"Shit, fuck" You growled in a low voice as you recognized your little brother’s voice and looked the opposite direction, knowing it was useless, but still clinging to the teeny tiny chance of managing to go unnoticed or at least unidentified.

"Sis?" Mike’s voice freezing your blood.

You sighed deeply and exchanged stares with Eddie, noticing a little mischievous grin on his face as you squinted, thinking he was behind all of this. You then turned to look at your little brother, and uncomfortably waved at him. Not muttering a single word.

"You're dating my sister?"

"Eddie's your boyfriend?!"

Both Mike and Dustin spat, shocked and incredulous as they replayed the conversation they had regarding Eddie’s girlfriend, and thought about the chances of it being you and wondering how obvious it was. Screen printing was an odd hobby to have, but you did…and Eddie’s girlfriend did too. Now that Mike did the math, it was obvious that Eddie and you were classmates, on his first run of the senior year, you’d been acting odd for the last two years, not really talking about your boyfriend but making it clear that you had one, Ed never really engaging with other girls aside of short simple interactions. You two had similar tastes in music, you’d taught Mike and his friends to play D&D…now that Mike thought about it, it was more possible than he’d thought.

“ Did you plan this?" You hissed, squinting at Eddie.

"Maybe" He said, as you rolled your eyes and got off his lap, fixing your shirt and your skirt.

"I can't believe this" Dustin said.

"So, all the… marks I saw on your neck, Eddie…" Mike murmured, making Eddie laugh.

"Ew, no, Mike stop!" Dustin begged as you rolled your eyes and felt your face heating up, and besting your head in your hands.

"Gentlemen," Eddie said in a calm voice as you looked up from your hands and turned your gaze to meet his. "I'd like to present to you my beautiful, talented, incredibly smart, and very real girlfriend..."

"Real? Oh, Ed—" You groaned and chuckled softly "Yeah, I should've imagine Mike was going to join your D&D club, and I should’ve imagined they were not going to believe you have a girlfriend…" You said looking at Eddie as he shrugged.

"How are you two—" Mike asked baffled.

"Eddie and l actually met in this same club, we became close friends, and I don't know, shortly before I graduated, something happened between us and we started dating" You explained.

"But you moved to Indianapolis for college!" Mike snapped.

"Aw, that's actually cute" Dustin said, noticing they way Eddie rested his head against your chest and you brought a hand to his hair, as he held you close to him.

"Yeah, so? I still come here at least twice a month to see you guys, and also to see Eddie" You replied, as Eddie’s hand grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to his throne, wrapping his arm around your hips as you stood in front of his seat and he gave Mike a cheeky grin.

"You have any idea how hard it's to keep a long distance relationship, Wheeler?" Eddie asked.

"It's pretty hard..." Dustin said. Thinking of Susie.

"Mike's girlfriend moved to California..." You said softly, letting Eddie know.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mike asked you.

"We'll talk about this later, Mike, I don't feel like doing this right now, in front of all of hellfire…" You said, as Dustin and Mike exchanged stares and then looked over their shoulders, noticing the little audience they’d gathered; the rest of the Hellfire Club, who knew Eddie wasn’t lying about having a girlfriend "And, Eddie," You said looking at Eddie "Give Mike a ride home after you guys are done" You said as he chuckled and looked at you.

"What?" Eddie asked with a puzzled chuckle.

"Be a good boyfriend and give my little brother a ride" You said caressing his cheek with your hand. "Would you do that for me?" You said pouting at Eddie.

"Oh this is your revenge, isn't it?" Eddie said quitting as you giggled.

"Yes" You replied and leaned forward kissing his forehead.

"Oh, shit, no! I was going to ask you if you could give me a ride back home!" Dustin whined, knowing Eddie would not give him a ride back home.

"Of course, Dustin. I can give you a ride!" You said looking at Dustin and smiling.

"Oh come on!" Eddie complained "Your evil, Wheeler" You looked at your boyfriend, raising an eyebrow, feigning a naive look.

"Am l?" You asked.

"You're so gonna pay" He murmured, giving your hips a slight squeeze.

"Me? You're the one who set up this! If anything, you owe me, Munson" You said with a grin.

After exchanging playful, yet defiant stares and a little bit of bickering, you left going to your parents house, leaving the guys to finally play Dungeons and Dragons. And, as the afternoon got wasted away, Eddie could easily go into his Dungeon Master persona, and guide and narrate the guys through their adventure, however, Mike had a harder time concentrating. A million questions flooded his mind and was eager to know the answers to them all. He knew asking Eddie mid game would only end in Eddie telling him to focus and to take the campaign seriously, and he knew better than to provoke Eddie, specially during a campaign.

And finally, when the time came to go back home, the awkward tension was palpable in Eddie’s van. Neither of them wanted to be in that situation. It was haunting and asphyxiating. But somehow, Mike felt this impending need to ask, and get at least one answer to at least one of the many questions that had been haunting him.

“So, uh…you’ve been dating my sister since she graduated?” Mike asked awkwardly, he noticed the way Eddie's hands gripped the steering wheel.

“Are we really going to have this conversation?” Eddie hissed.

“I mean, knowing my sister, I’m pretty sure this is why she asked you to bring me home”

Eddie sighed deeply, Mike's words circling his mind, and thinking about it.

“Well. Yeah, you’re right. This does sound like something she’d do…” Eddie said defeated, “And yes, we’ve been dating for two years now…”

“That’s a long time…”

“Yes it is,”

“And uh,” Mike said biting the inside of his cheek “Do you…love her?” Eddie snickered sarcastically.

“You think I’d be enduring along distance relationship if I didn’t?” He replied bitterly and gave Mike a quick glare.

“I’m just asking” Mike stiffened and shrugged.

“Yes, man. I love her,” Eddie added. “She’s…perfect. She’s smart, and talented. She likes the same music as me, she never judged me nor let my reputation get in the way of our friendship back when she was in high school…you know, she got along with the popular kids, and she was still friends with me, and god,” Eddie sighed “She plays D&D too. Seriously, the girl of my dreams…” His voice softened.

Mike wondered if he'd ever heard Eddie talk in such a sincere way. Sure, Eddie wasn't scared to speak his mind, but he'd never heard Eddie talk in such a soft voice. Even when he talked about things he liked, he kept his cheeky arrogant tone. Not this time. His voice softened, and sounded almost dreamy.

"Oh, I didn’t know that…" Mike whispered, not sure what to reply.

"If you’re worried that I might hurt her or whatever, don’t," Eddie said glancing quickly at Mike "She seriously means so much to me, I’d never do anything to hurt her" He said, that sincere soft voice remaining.

Mike nodded and looked back at the windshield, looking into the road as he still had several questions circling his mind.

"I know it's…none of my business but…can I ask why are you guys keeping your relationship a secret?" Mike asked, not sure how Eddie would react to his question.

"Because I asked her to," Eddie said with a flat voice, eyes glued to the road as he took a turn, getting close to Mike's place "I know your parents won’t be exactly accepting of their daughter dating someone like me, and I don’t want to put her in a difficult position…" Eddie explained.

Mike thought about it. And while, perhaps, their mom could warm up to Eddie, their dad would most likely disapprove. His father already told Mike on a daily basis to stop wasting his time with D&D. He also complained to you about the kind of music you listened to. If he were to meet Eddie, it would definitely start an argument with you.

"Her friends in Indianapolis know we're dating…" Eddie added, "So it’s not entirely a secret. I actually know her friends from college. When she can’t come here to Hawkins I drive to Indianapolis to see her…" Eddie explained.

"Oh, wow…Eddie that’s cool. I mean, that you go to her when she can’t come here…I’m sure it means a lot to her…"

"Yeah?" Eddie said parking outside your parents' house and looking at Mike. "Well, I'd do anything for her"

"Yeah, that's very cool of you…" Mike replied awkwardly "Well, thanks for the ride, Eddie…And, I think it’s cool that you’re dating my sister, I always saw my sister acting all cheesy and in love but she never talked about her boyfriend, she only said he was the best that has happened to her…" Eddie chuckled.

"Really?"

"Yeah, but don’t tell her. She’ll know I told you and will kick my ass" Mike whined, making Eddie laugh out loud.

"Oh, I’m so sorry Wheeler, but I cannot keep that promise in particular…" He teased looking at Mike.

"Oh man," Mike chuckled softly looking away.

"Off you go, kid. I guess I’ll wait for your sister to come back from driving Henderson home,"

"What if my parents see you?" Eddie chuckled looking at Mike’s stern face.

"They never do," Eddie’s arrogant tone came back "I’ve snuck into your sister’s room countless times before and no one has ever noticed"

"You what?" Mike snapped.

"See? Not even you’ve noticed" Eddie chuckled victorious.

"What the hell is wrong with you guys, seriously"

—

“I know you’re here, Ed. I saw your van parked in the corner…” You said walking into your room noticing the open window.

Normally you’d leave it unlocked, however, not open. At least not when you’d leave the house. And after returning from giving Dustin a ride and chatting with him about the whole Eddie situation, finding your window open and Mike already home, and a very familiar van parked in the corner a few houses away from yours…it was all too suspicious.

"Welcome home, princess" Eddie said emerging from your closet, as he dramatically opened your closet doors.

You met his dark eyes and smiled walking towards him as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, and he hugged you back, lifting you up. You took a deep breath, feeling the familiar scent of his cologne and cigarette smoke. He did the same thing unconsciously, taking in the smell of your shampoo and his favorite perfume of yours.

"Did you enjoy the ride with Mike?" You asked him breaking the hug.

"We had some bonding time, yes…" He replied as you gave him an approving nod, "You seriously never told anyone" Eddie added, you met his stare and shrugged.

"You told me not to, and of course I was going to keep my promise to you" You said smiling softly at him.

Over the course of your friendship, Eddie learned you weren’t the best at keeping secrets. Or at least to your friends and family. Two years in a row you completely ruined the surprise and always told him what you’d gotten him for his birthday before you even had the chance to hand him his present. He was sure the secret would eventually slip and you’d tell at least Nancy. But not even Nancy knew.

"Your little brother told me you made it pretty clear you had a boyfriend but never talked about him…" Eddie said walking to your bed and sitting on it as you followed him, stopping in front of him, bumping your knees against his.

"Of course he told you…" You chuckled, looking into his dark brown eyes, almost black as you brushed his cheek with your hand.

"He also said that I’m the best that has happened to you?" Eddie asked as you rolled your eyes playfully and he noticed the way your cheeks lit up. "He said, and I quote ‘She never talked about her boyfriend, but she only said he was the best that has happened to her‘ or something along those lines…"

"I-I mean, you know that already, Ed. How many times do I have to tell you that I love you more than anything for you to realize you’re the best thing to happen to me?" You said cupping his face, as you stared at him tenderly. Eddie closed his eyes slowly, humming, as you noticed a subtle blush on his cheeks.

"Hm, I love you too, sweetheart. So, so much, it’s stupid" he said, as you leaned down and kissed him sweetly "As soon as I’m out of here, I’ll catch up with you in Indianapolis, and we can forget about everything else…it’ll be just you and me, babe"

"I can’t wait, Eddie" You whispered.

"Fuck, me neither. I am seriously madly in love with you" He said as he pulled you closer, making you straddle him.

"Good. As you should" You replied with a cheeky grin and kissed him again.

[imarileina]

these two songs remind me greatly of two of my childhood favorite ships of all time: jily and percabeth.

these ships were prominent in my childhood and how i had shaped my own perception when it comes to love and as a big swiftie (since 2008 and i was 4 yo), the immediate comfort that you start to dwell on is when you hear everything has changed. it's one of taylor's timeless songs and whenever i listen to it, it seriously brings me back to summer 2013-2014 when my world circulated on percabeth. i had first watched the films wayback 2011, on DVD after my mum borrowed a CD of it from the school library (and never really got to return it because my sisters and i kept rewatching pjo over and over again).

i started shipping jily when i was in seventh grade bc the summer before i entered freshman high school was the time that i really obsessed over harry potter. i just love them. like. i cant even explain it properly (and i seriously think that being an active member of this dead-fandom (jily specifically), it is my duty to reawaken the ancestor shippers of jily for real).

these ships have a temple in my heart. i literally grew up with them bc never underestimate the love of an 9 year old and a 13 year old girl (major age changes of girls tbh u hit this age u just remember a lot from it)

I want to do lots and lots of fanarts for these two ships. idk. i want to write fics and participate on other creative endeavors about my ships bc they bring me utmost comfort no one in real life and a real person has given me.

[crazylittlejester]

Okay, so do you remember that one scene in FMA:B where Mustang is facing off against an enemy(I don’t remember who it’s been a while), walking very confidently, about to flick his fingers to activate his fire alchemy…while it is POURING DOWN LIKE CATS AND DOGS. His alchemy wasn’t going to work in that weather and he didn’t even realize that until he got pulled away.

Anyways I feel like Warriors would do that.

and this is why i can never write a fma/b au because Wars is SO Mustang coded and he and Mask could 100% be Ed and Mustang, BUT ALSO I CAN SEE HIM AS HAVOC (jean havoc my beloved…. ough-)

god that scene is so Wars coded tho lmao, he was so ready to kick ass and then hawkeye had to yell at him to save his life and I can absolutely see that happening to Wars 😭 i love him dearly but he’s definitely a Tad Bit overconfident.

Also!! Fun Fact!!! The reason I headcanon Wars as having so many sisters was inspired by Mustang because Wars and Mustang had such similar vibes to me and Mustang has a lot of ‘sisters’. Also Wars just has the energy that he was raised by a lot of women and I’ll stand by that. Mustang (biblically accurate Manga Mustang and Brotherhood Mustang) weaponizes his sexuality and has everyone CONVINCED he’s a womanizer when in fact all those women he meets up with are like his adoptive sisters who are fucking spies and no one ever suspects that because they think he’s some idiot who’s just sleeping around. And I think Wars is similar because I believe he’d let people think he’s an idiot flirt and nothing more than a pretty smile because if people think less of him and think he’s just an idiot they will be so underprepared when he comes swinging with a battle plan so intelligent it’s jaw dropping. I think both of them were taught to use their good looks to their advantage by women in their lives they have nothing but respect for, and it’s working out great for them because they get underestimated or what they’re ACTUALLY doing gets completely covered up by everyone going “oh hes just going to bars and hitting on people”

They’re both asexual feminists to me btw, both of them are for the girls and the gays

[dearabby1990]

Chapter 11: You didn’t hear it from me..

Eddie leans forward ready for whatever information Gareth has to offer. “Okay dude I’ll tell you everything I know but you didn’t hear it from me understand?! My mom will kill me if she finds out I’m saying anything her Aunt & my mom have been friends since middle school theyd both have my head on a stick!” Eddie nods in agreement & extends his hand as a solid promise to his friend not to say a word about what he’s about to hear. “I guess I’ll start at the beginning.. her aunt & cousin have been camping with my mom & I for as long as I can remember mostly because of my dad taking off her uncle took me fishing and hunting a lot manly activity is what he’d call it & every once in awhile Jessica would have Jamie with her so I’ve known her for quite some time too it’s why we waive at each other it’s not like that at all trust me we’re not each others type she’s more like a sister if anything. I know some of her but the younger her before everything happened… well her mom ended up getting really sick it was bad Ed in & out of the hospital for what felt like forever just to end up being hooked to a million machines at home for hospice.. during the hospital stays Jamie was passed around a lot staying with random family members her dad always prioritized work before Jamie or her mom but we all knew he was cheating with his secretary I overheard my mom on the phone with her Aunt Betty Jane & after Jamie’s mom passed away her dad took to the bottle & started hurting her when he wasn’t completely ignoring her she took a map out one day & tossed a dart at it in hopes of starting a new life away from all the bullshit & when it landed here she thought it was gods way of saying she needed to be with her aunt… Jamie has been through hell shit even her prom was ruined by some fuckin prick jock I’m still looking for that piece of shit too I’ll kill him I swear it!!” Eddie’s eyes pop out of his head “Gareth what the fuck happened at prom?! What guy did he hurt her?!” Gareth put his hands on his friends shoulders making him sit back down. “Look this dude was a grade a prick him & his jock buddies made a bet that he couldn’t get her to goto prom with him & put out & embarrassed her in front of the whole school they carried her minus the blood he made fun of her & said something along the lines of she looks like a pig or something but I remember Jessica being on the phone at my house & the way Jamie was crying it just made my blood boil it’s why she’s so self conscious about how she looks in her head she thinks shes ugly,fat & undeserving of love because of all she’s been through it’s why she’s not letting you in Eddie I wish you would’ve came to us before the twerps but then again you didn’t know I knew her” Eddie’s heart breaks as he tries to wrap his head around all he’s just been told. How could anyone do such things to you? Eddie thought you’re pure perfection & anyone who’s hurt you he’d surely teach a lesson or two or kick their ass whatever came first. Him & Gareth share a few joints as he fills him in on all he knows of happy Jamie so he can help open her heart to him he’d do anything to make you smile. Learning your favorite colors & songs favorite flowers and animal to see at the zoo of course it’d be a Siberian tiger they’re exotic & beautiful like you. He’d be sure to go get you a stuffed animal & write you a letter to leave on your doorstep he is determined to get you to not only open up to him but fully let him in. You’re all he can think about he’s already written several songs and made several d&d characters that all look oddly like you even Mike & dustin noticing the resemblances of each elf & fairy that’s been presented over the past few weeks. He’s been trying to find the right words to say to you he’s already got a 2 foot stuffed tiger at home for you in his closet & a card all picked out and set on his desk he just doesn’t know what or how to say what he feels. Eddie isn’t used to feeling this way about someone the idea of love itself scared him to death but not when it came to you he was ready.

[dreamyzworldlove]

just read the tsats preview my live reactions with no context under the cut

preview live reactions bc i am sooooooo normal

WILL LOOKED TIRED!!!

BADAGES WITH BLOOD????? HELLO?

NICO HAS WARCHED star wars csnon

nico would not go on a date with dearth vader i refuse to believe that

loving kayla so far

okay but them just being kids 🥺

nico is so emo oh my god

“exhausting to be their conselours” is interesting bc i was under the impression that they just took care of their cabin?? did 12 year old percy have to run camp activities and take care of kids??

why are they taking the taxi and not the strawberry trucks

nico liking the grey sisters :)

nico you stupid bitch composed starwars head ass

he is so sappy ew

NEW NAOMI ALBUM SHES ALIVE

insane that literally no one is at chb like how

joking about nico being happy is weird gave me the ick

they are so gross

SIGNIFGANT ANNOYANCE CALL BACK

nico not used to being normal or having nothing to do :(

DANDELION CALL BACK

nico feeling like he can’t talk to will :((

the ptsd joke was funny

also nico with no filter how fun

will is just like: bbgirl you are crazy<3

smallest SMALLEST inkling of banter

them saying ptsd is nice like i think that’s the first time they’ve ever acknowledged it in pjo

wait leopard print pattern camp shirt … does it have a pegasus on it??

NICO ED CANON????

ik it’s not final but a lot of the book feels repetitive? like they say a lot of the same things multiple times

nico befriending outcasts motif

MARIA??????

LOTUS CASINO FLASHBACK???

loving the body horror

MICHAEL YEW????

damn this is like a worst hits tour for nico

nico trying so hard 🥺

the cookie monster 🤨 that was truly awful

lots of telling not a lot of showing

straight percy :/

it can’t actually be bob that’s so boring:/

even in the dream jason was gone 🥺

here’s how jasico can still win-

THIS IS WHERE #ONBRAND IS

a slay that cupid looks like will but nico has to be down bad for him that fit is ATROCIOUS

WUPID this stupid bitch

nico kicking will is soooo funny

then they cute

CHIRON WALKING IN

RACHELLLLLLLLLLLL

gamer nico canon

mr d with the popcorn best character fr

chiron and mr d are a weird ship that i am thinking about noe

nico has been funny approx 2 times now

nico has gotten over his corn trauma

GREATEST NIGHTMARE HITS I SAID THAT

MR NOBLE SACRIFICE

who is alton brown

so so so many questions

what about the third person on a quest ??

why nico of all people? why does he need to do this?

[asgardianangel]

For the sugar baby series can we see how it for reader and Lalo’s relationship now.? I would love to see her with a tiny bit of Stockholm Syndrome.

Oooh yeah

Stockholm syndrome headcannons

Warnings: Manipulation, NSFW, slight breeding kink from daddy Lalo, imprisonment, implied relative death, memory loss from trauma

Two years have passed, and everything seemed like a blur life was a routine and so was motherhood.  

At least loneliness wasn’t a problem you had a bubbly three-year-old unaware of the controlled situation around him just focusing on the things that made him happy. Lalo made sure of it. 

The best toys and activities were always at his reach the smile on his little face made you happy, but you couldn’t help but feel guilty. Guilty to the fact of raising him with a man like Lalo. But you couldn’t do anything about it except from playing house with him. 

Lalo was busy doing God knows what most of the time but always made room for both of you. In some instances, you would watch him bond with your baby and there was a spark of the man you fell in love within the beginning.  

‘Papa is here’ his voice would whisper in comfort as he cuddled your son. You admired his soothing interactions especially in the dead of night when all is almost quiet except from the occasional crying. Then it ends with Lalo singing in his mother’s tongue. 

For such a controlling man he certainly had a gentle singing voice you would watch him for the doorway of the nursery in a trance and he would notice... 

Memories were important to you but there seemed to be a gap as time went by. These past two years you were held in almost complete isolation your mind was limited to only Lalo and your son. You couldn’t exactly remember all the things Lalo has done but the absence of your grandparents left a scar. 

'I made as painless as possible' his voice would echo

frustration caused you to have meltdowns at least one a day but you were ‘slowly getting better’ said by Lalo’s voice. Sometimes screaming the house down was about right. 

Lalo was a caregiver to you not only as a father he would cook majority of the meals and hold you and stroke your hair when you felt like all is collapsing around you in the midst of waking up screaming

Special occasions like birthdays and Christmas he would finally take you out to new places. When you were in the presence of other people you had the strange urge to cry for help and you didn’t know why. 

Lalo would understand the desperation and kept you in your place at all times. 

‘You really want to leave me and Eddie bebé?’ 

‘Have him grow up without his madre and me without my loving wife?’ 

After his questions came the threats when you still didn’t understand  

‘you know I could always leave alone dark and cold mi amor (my love) in the basement again’  

 Pleasure was the distraction and Lalo used it for the advantage. He would make you forget certain things with his hands mouth and cock. 

‘That’s a good girl’ he would praise lightly when you submitted yourself to his body pressing it against yours. Sweet spots were instantly found, and he made you beg ‘plea-se let me let me cum’ you would whine. And with the rasp of his deep voice ‘I think you can do better than that querida’ he would chuckle teasing you. 

Lalo made it clear that he wanted another child (many in fact) his shadow would come to the bedroom enticing you to bless him with another baby ‘démosle a Ed un hermanito o hermanita (let’s give Ed a little brother or sister)’ he would whisper in the nape of your neck. Humming in confusion (since you needed to work on your spanish) you would ask what he meant when he said that.  

Lalo didn’t tell you he would show you. 

Now you bask in the sun the garden was exceptionally beautiful as you watched your son chase butterflies. It was so dream like then you felt the hand of your husband wrap around your growing belly. 

“I’m so happy with you and our children querida” 

And you responded with a sweet kiss to his lips 

[scythemichaelfaraday]

I am once again realizing that engaging with anything JTHM related while actively struggling with many mental illnesses is in fact bad for my health.

Under the cut: a love letter to JTHM with a side of divorce papers. Also an apology to anyone in the community who I've hurt directly or indirectly.

I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I found a space for JTHM in my life when I really needed it to find me. It helped me find my best friend, my spouse, and many cool people who have made all sorts of impacts on my life.

It helped me feel seen when I was struggling with coming to terms with the "darker" and "scarier" symptoms (homicidal ideation, delusions, paranoia) of my disorders. It helped me feel like I wasn't alone in my despair and my anger and angst.

It helped me process when I lost my sister to suicide. It helped me explicitly write out my darkest fantasies of violently killing the people who kept my sister from coming home from the morgue. It helped me take out all of my pain and trauma out on a single individual that already was hurting so deeply, so why not hurt him more. But as time has gone on, I've realized that I have distanced myself farther and farther from the source. I've created a Johnny of my own- one different but cut from the same cloth of Jhonen's. It became unclear to me where I started and Johnny began. I integrated so much of myself into my version of how I wrote and drew Johnny that it started to seem more like a mirror than a self-portrait.

I cut my hair like him. I wore similar clothes. I acted in a similar manner. I imagined myself looking like him when people perceived me, despite being... 5'1", filipino, and not-at-all thin.

I had a dilemma, I wanted to be him, but I also wanted him to be more like me.

I styled his hair to be more like mine: less spiky, more soft, rounded, full with my current (constantly changing hair color) to match. I gave him my glasses. I put him in my clothes. I gave him undiagnosed chronic pain, then MCTD, then fibromyalgia. I gave him a cane. I gave him self harm scars in the exact same places mine are. I later gave him my "sexuality" (both in terms of orientation and otherwise) and my gender identity. He has my Bipolar, BPD, PTSD, ADHD, ED, Anxiety, etc. And finally, I gave him my partner, or at least the characters that my partner also furnished for themself.

At this point in my journey of mental health, I can say that I've turned Johnny into quite the projection. Even before I met my current partner, I gave him a spouse and kids, things that I vehemently denied wanting, but secretly desired to be stable enough to have. Well... less so the kids.

I wanted him to recover in the same way that I wanted and still want to. Not to be "fixed." There is no fixing mental illness, just treating it and learning how to live with it. Fucking up and fixing along the way. Just like I gave him those other things, I inserted a support system into his life; I gave him a family; I gave him a purpose outside of the one that Jhonen made him for and... it felt freeing but it also felt scandalous. Sacrilegious. Forbidden.

I was so afraid that people would see the Johnny I "created" and shun him and by extension, me. "He's out of character. He would never say that. This is who he is. This is who he is only allowed to be."

As someone with Borderline, I internalized the outcry of OOC as an attack against my constantly fractured sense of identity and kept myself stuck in the ways I always were. I believed that in order to stay within the community/fandom, I would have to stay as sick and as disordered as possible or else I'd be an outsider someone who just "doesn't get it." Someone who "doesn't get Johnny."

And maybe I do, maybe I don't. Maybe there really isn't "getting" Johnny in the same way for everyone, but this isn't about that.

On the opposite hand, when I became more secure in my recovery (or at least during a phase of it) I was more defensive of my depictions. That other people were talking about me behind my back, that I was pariah of sorts that dared to think differently. I thought: these people want to stay stuck, they want Johnny to stay stuck. They engage in these things that are so sickening and awful. Why can't they be like me and just hurt themselves?!

Then, someone's response to it made me realize that I was no better no different than them. What gave me the right to judge people for how they coped with their trauma and disorders? My cutting, my vent art, and interaction with the same exact media was just the same as them engaging in a community that while I still wouldn't become a part of, I have newfound respect for. We are all just trying to fucking cope with our awful lives and experiences and I had and have NO RIGHT to judge them for it.

So to be crystal clear without naming names: I am sorry for what I've said about people who engage with the TCC. I am sorry for what I've said regarding people liking Jimmy. I have not sent anon hate or any hate to people who like Jimmy, but I have made comments such as "liking X is like you being the Jimmy" and thus have contributed to the fandom's hostility towards people who like Jimmy. It is through these people that I've discovered that there is a lot more nuance than I can personally appreciate for the character. I may not like him still, but I do respect and admire anyone who can find comfort in him or otherwise.

Since then, it's been a journey of accepting that from the start, I have engaged with the community from a standpoint of mental illness. Much like someone forms a trauma bond with a friend or acquaintance, I trauma-bonded with JTHM and have been "married" to it for 7 (heh heh) long, complicated years. It's been my personality, my identity, my story, my thoughts, my everything. I didn't lose myself in JTHM, because I never knew who I was, and I still don't. But remaining married to it has severely impeded my ability to learn who I am.

I did character analysis after character analysis. I combed through every last page, read every last note Jhonen wrote, turned the book over and over to read the hidden messages in the borders. I tried to parse who Johnny is, who he wants to be, his likes, dislikes, his dreams, nightmares, fears, everything. I asked him everything about himself, but I didn't once turn those questions towards myself directly.

I want to learn who Zzy is. What Zzy wants. What Zzy likes, dislikes, fears, aspires to, everything. And with this final step towards freedom from JTHM, I think that I am ready to learn who they are. Or at least, try. I want to try for them.

This doesn't mean that I will be leaving behind the Johnny I've built, but rather that I will work towards making him something of my own rather than the extension of something that was never mine to begin with. I love the world and story I've built with him too much.

So thank you, JTHM, thank you Jhonen, for giving me some serious pain food to chew on. My monster's teeth have been continually sharpened and worn down all these years thanks to your help, but I think I can take it from here. I will never forget the awesome people you've connected me with, the experiences you've granted me, and the relief you've offered.

However, we also have not been good to or for each other. I made you into everything about me. I forced you into every corner of my life. You convinced me to abandon all hope of wellness and manipulated me into the temptation to stay with you even when I knew it'd be better to distance ourselves. You kept me from discovering myself in some of my most formative years. These are things that will take a while to recover from. And these are things that cause me to tell you that we are done.

This isn't goodbye forever, but this is sayonara for now.

[dr-lizortecho]

I would love to hear more about why delena taught you about love if you ever want to talk about it! I'd also love to hear what you see as Damon and Elena's similarities and differences.

So this is a really difficult thing to explain anon, at the very least without explaining the triad of ships that I attribute the same thing to, so I apologize for rambling about non-delena ships in my answer! And this will probably be tmi like everytime I discuss how shows/ships personally impact(ed) me

One of the first ships I ever became invested in enough to create content for- and start discussing in depth was Malec (The Mortal Instruments Series). To start this off I’d like to give a very short disclaimer- I was thirteen or so and still believed in destiny and fate and singular soulmates (one person literally designed to be with you that you just stumble upon out in the wild) and grew up pretty much under a rock (the only reason those books ever graced my presence was my eldest sister sneaking them to my older sister who snuck them to me) and had no clue that queer people existed at all. So color little me shocked for a solid second and doing math tryna figure out the scene where Clary says that Alec is in love with Jace (I philosophized about souls for five seconds and figured it out). All of this to set up how naively blind I was to the concept of love, to the point where Clary and Jace made perfect sense as true love from the moment she sees him- because my little mind had subscribed to the disneyification of romance without much thought to it as a whole. So being able to watch what seemed to me as obvious connection and therefore love between Alec and Magnus while the former second guessed himself was a new experience for me. Realizing that not only is love something that transcends the obstacles in life- but that it’s messy and complicated. Basically Malec taught me that love is a mess- it’s not always logical and above all it’s not something linear that exists at 0% or 100%. Because sometimes you’re falling in love with and choosing to pursue someone while still moving on from someone else- that feelings don’t just snap away because you’re actively pursuing something better for you.

Then Delena came into my sphere. Which I won’t lie wasn’t my first introduction to ships of their caliber, however, something about the individual characters made it come to life and made something in my brain click into place. Because there’s this big question that keeps floating around Delena in the early seasons which is ‘does Damon deserve love and forgiveness?’ aka Elena. Now the answer to that question appears quite simply- no. Damon doesn’t ask for it, he doesn’t try to change, he doesn’t attempt to earn it. However, Elena chooses to forgive him anyway to show love and kindness and turn the other cheek (okay- sorry for the religion bit, but biblical love anyone???). Which was eye opening and beautiful to watch. Because even with more years on me and more emotional intelligence it had never clicked how much work love could be. That you had to consciously make difficult choices and choose to forgive, to understand that people react to pain in all sorts of ways. So Delena taught me love is messy (lol, if you’re noticing a pattern it’s cause there is one). That people are chaotic and their emotions even more so, that you have to choose love everyday. And above all it’s not just something that exists in the good times, it’s bigger than that. That without that choice- that forgiveness love doesn’t exist and will fail every time.

Now- if you follow me and haven’t seen the show I apologize for the continuous spiraling, but Echo is the third ship that taught me about love. This one is much more complex and difficult to explain (but I kinda did explain it a long time ago in my farewell to the show) but Echo taught me to love my faults and myself, to see we are all worthy of love without tying ourselves into perfect knots. And to spare everyone me talking way too much I’m going to leave it there.

[okmack-22]

not so bad - eddie munson

not so bad - eddie munson x fem!byers!reader

summary; will asks his sister how she feels about his new friend eddie munson

warnings; none! Italics = flashbacks, lowercase intended

will came out of the school with a huge smile on his face. only one you normally saw when he was with you, jonathan, and your mom. you and your brothers had begged your mom joyce to stay in hawkins for the kids. especially after the shared trauma, you all endured together as a group. you being their co-babysitter with steve and all. she decided that you could stay hoping there would be no more issues with the upside-down and superficial activity.

will walked up to you and jonathan. he was wearing the infamous hellfire club t-shirt. he was introduced to the club after their leader eddie munson saw him, mike, and dustin, sitting in the cafeteria by themselves on the first day of school that year. needless to say, Jonathan wasn't okay with his baby brother being associated with eddie. after hearing all the bad rumors about him.

on the other hand, will was obsessed with his newest idol. and he loved the fact that he could play dnd with him, after all, that's what the club was about. you loved seeing will have new friends and loved hearing about all the stories from hellfire nights. but there were times when will would talk about them and jonathan no matter how supportive he was would say something about not liking eddie.

tonight was about the same, after watching tv with your mom, you had to go back to the school to pick up jonathan who was working on the school paper with nancy, and will was at hellfire. typically hellfire runs slightly later due to the small celebrations of the win or the slight moping of the losses, which wasn't a big deal to you, you had all the time to spare on waiting for your brothers.

will got in the car and immediately started talking about the newest hellfire campaign. you and jonathan making comments here and there about the campaign. you had only known small bits and pieces about the game but loved hearing about it.

"i think the next campaign will be so much fun, eddie's like a pro at being the dungeon master" will smiled

"i don't really like you hanging out with him bud, it's just the things i've heard i don't like" jonathan but-in

"eddie's not like that jonathan, why don't you try and talk to him he's so cool" will said defending eddie with his life.

"i don't know man i just don't like the stuff i've heard." jonathan said back.

"well he's my friend, you like him don't you y/n?" will looked you dead in the eyes through the rearview mirror. you smiled softly.

you looked around, your anxiety starting to slightly rise. it was one of the first times you had lied to your mom and older brother. you told them you were going to hang out with your best friend robin, with her covering for you even giving your mom a call saying that you were going to have a sleepover until monday and that you would be home monday night after your extracurricular activities. but in reality, you were going to see a special someone for those 2 nights.

"guess who?"

out of nowhere ringed hands covered your eyes slightly startling you. but you knew who it was by the voice that followed the action. knowing who it was you smiled and chuckled. the hands moved to your waist and swiftly spun you around.

"hey sweetheart sorry i was late, had a thing to deal with for the band" he smiled at you.

"eds you were only like 5 minutes late it's okay," you sheepishly mumbled.

"i know but you seemed fidgety and you get fidgety when your anxious, and when your anxious i get anxious, and-"

"eddie, baby it's okay i'm not anxious about you being late i was anxious about lying to my mom and jonathan" you fumbled with your fingers looking at your feet guilt washing over you.

eddie put his hand on your chin moving your face upwards and smirked slyly. he leaned down to give you a small peck on your lips and then your nose. you smiled once again not knowing what to do with yourself.

"i think we'll be just fine princess, robin has you covered."

you shook your head, knowing how robin was when she was anxious. a complete and total blabbering mess. but you knew your mom she trusted you with her life, and with that, she didn't give a second thought to you going to robin's for the weekend. only you weren't, you were going to be staying the weekend with eddie. jonathan was the issue, he had questions about where you were going and why you had been hanging out with robin and steve a lot more often than just work. but eddie was here, and that's all that mattered.

"now, let's go get a pizza and watch a movie, what did you get for us this time?" he smiled grabbing your hand and intertwining your fingers together.

"it's a surprise" you chirped.

he gasped dramatically and walked you to his van. this time it was silent. but it was a comfortable silence. you loved hanging out with eddie. he never failed to make you comfortable. no relationship you had ever had felt like this.

you two had been in a secret relationship for about 7 months ever since you had ran into him at the grocery store in the middle of the night when you were home alone. he was there to get some snacks and a new lighter. you were there to get snacks and some feminine products because it just so happened to be that time of the month and neither you nor your mom had any. you had accidentally bumped into eddie and he walked you home. you two then meeting up in the woods after school or during lunch. then it went to hanging out at his place and watching movies or listening to music or sometimes just chatting. you had also helped eddie with his homework a few times. after a few weeks, eddie expressed his feelings and you two began your relationship.

eddie opened the door for you and helped you hop into the passenger seat of his van. he then raced around to his side and got in. turning on the van and leaving the park you were at. he drove all the way to the pizza shop, you two going in to get a pepperoni pizza and some hot wings and then leaving.

eddie grabbed your hand and held it the whole drive to his trailer. when he parked in his usual spot he raced around to your side of the van and helped you out. he then led you to the front door where he let you in first.

when you got in you immediately walked over to the couch. eddie following suit after he locked the front door. you had the pizza and wings in hand along with the movie that you had decided on, or should you say movies. you had begged your manager keith to let you take the star wars series, for you and eddie to watch over the weekend and you would bring them back before you went to school on Monday.

"alright princess what movie did you pick for us tonight? gotta start it now or we'll never get to it," eddie smirked making you blush.

"uhm why don't you take a look at them they're in my backpack." you smiled pointing to your backpack.

eddie dramatically flopped onto your lap grabbing your backpack shortly after making you giggle your guts out. he unzipped the backpack and grabbed three vhs cases. looking at the covers he looked up at you. eddies normal smirk turned into a huge puppy grin. He sat up and kissed you all over. pure excitement radiating through his and your bodies.

"babe you had told me you never wanted to watch star wars, are you kidding me!!" he smiled.

"i decided to give it a chance, you know after hearing you and my little brother talk about it so much" you replied, taking in a few more pecks and kisses from eddie.

"i promise you, you'll love it" he smiled.

after giving you a few more loving kisses he got up and popped in star wars a new hope in the VHS player. He sat back down on the end of the couch. leaning over and grabbing you by your waist and pulling you onto him.

you two had finished your pizza and wings, by this time you were almost asleep on eddies lap. your head in the crook of his shoulder. eddie on the other hand was wide awake and so into the movie. you knew it was one of his favorite series. so you were trying so hard to stay awake. but you hadn't even paid attention to the movie, you were more focused on the boy holding you. his smile when it got to his favorite scenes or when he mouthed certain lines. all the while he was tracing patterns on your thigh or stroking your hair.

"baby are you even watching?" eddie whined when he heard you yawn.

"yeah, yeah I'm watching, luke just watched obi wan die, and now luke's running from darth vader. i promise i'm paying attention"  you mumbled into his neck.

"babe if you're tired we can pause for the night and go to sleep," he looked down at you.

"no, it's okay eds let's just finish it," you tried to stifle a yawn.

eddie chuckled and scoot you over and got up. he walked over to the tv and pushed stop on the VHS player. taking the tap out and setting it back into its case. he walked over and picked you up bridal style moving your backpack to the side, ignoring it. he'd pick it up in the morning and put the extra clothes in his drawer when he woke up. you nuzzled into his chest, his small chuckle making your heart flutter.

after kicking his bedroom door open he sat you down on his bed. as he walked over to his dresser to find you a shirt and sweats he kicked off his pants and t-shirt, leaving him in only his boxers. you were already half asleep but still watching his every move. he grabbed an old motley crue shirt and a pair of his old sweats.

knowing you were so fast to falling asleep he helped you stand up. setting the shirt and pants on the bed. he then helped you pull off your skirt and your sweater. he pulled the shirt over your head and you slipped your arms through. then he helped you slide on his old sweatpants over your thighs.

when you were done he let you lay down on his bed. he grabbed the blanket that you loved, it was big, green, and fluffy. he spread it over your body. you almost immediately fell asleep. but you were missing one thing, eddie. he was getting ready for bed but you were a whining mess. your eyes followed him everywhere he went.

"baby, come on just get in bed please" you whined rolling over to lay on his pillow.

"i am, don't you worry my love, i just need to do some things" he smiled at you.

"eddie i can't sleep without you here" you mumbled

"what do you do when I'm not with you then? what about all of those so-called naps that will claims you take?" eddie looked at you.

"what?! nooo, i don't take naps. i only take naps when we cuddle" you said jokingly.

"mhm sure you do" he shook his head.

after a few moments, eddie was finally done doing whatever he was doing. as he finished he walked over and slowly got in his small bed, trying not to disturb you. you immediately noticed his presence and cuddled into him. his smile growing as you nuzzled your face into his barren chest, and your leg snaking over his two. one of his arms wrapped around your waist, the other stroking your hair.

you looked up at eddie, he was just staring down at you. as he always did. you didn't say a word, you just pecked his lips. he then pulled you in for a small yet passionate goodnight kiss.

"goodnight eds i love you" you smiled softly

"goodnight y/n i love you more than you'll ever know" he mumbles into your hair planting a small kiss on your head.

"y/n hey you like eddie right?" will asked once again. snapping you out of your small trance.

your small smile never failed. all you could think of were images of you and eddie in your mind. knowing you couldn't tell will or jonathan about your relationship, without eddie's consent. after all, you weren't the only one in the relationship and you wanted him to be involved in a very important step, which was telling your family.

"he's not so bad"