#machine god ending fan tbh..

[haliaiii]

olivia posting

[olive-treeeee]

Regeneration. It's a lottery - 12th Doctor x Reader

Well Howdy Doody fella's I hope you all are slaying cuz I sure am. This Fic was requested by the amazing @ding-dong-big-schlong who asked the following:

"Yo yo you yo

So I loved that smut request you did for me, I was wondering if I could request another??👀 (it’s ovulation week) anyway it’s not even really FOR the smut, I just have kinda a funny scenario/situation in my head

Imagine reader having an “old man kink” (as in just generally is attracted to older blokes), and when 11 regenerates into 12, omg in just imagining him being kinda insecure and embarrassed at looking older and worried the reader will reject him for it, but it just ends up spurring them on more and he doesn’t expect THAT reaction lmaoooo

Like imagine him asking “how do I look” and the reader being all “you’d look better with your clothes on the floor” or smth and him getting sooooooo flustered 😂😂😂"

Now this is not the short Drabble I meant it to be (It never really is, is it?) It is in fact one of, if not the longest fic I have written to date. It also came out sliiiightly more angsty than I meant for it to be. But, that being said, there are still some funny moments. it's just like 6k words of The Doctor being in love with the reader.

This takes place during the events of 'Hold Your Breath.' But I'd say you don't need to familiarise yourself with the episode, but it *enhances* the experience imo.

This is also the first time I have ever written for 12 so I hope I got his voice and character right. A lot of the Fics I've read of him, have him all sad and mean, which fit his character better tbh. I thought I'd spice things up and just make him sad and soft ✌️

I'd recommend to all those who know me in real life, give this one a miss. I'd like to be able to look ya'll in the eye.

Oh! And I'm also writing my first big boy, multi fic! It's going to be a Kate Stewart x reader, now, I'm a little rusty on writing longer fan fictions, so like I'm potentially looking for some beta readers. So if you love everybody's favourite Milfy commander as much as I do, you should totally send me a message xoxo

One other thing, its been a hot minute since I've written any kind of smut, so perhaps that means I need a bit more practice wink wink nudge nudge.

Keep those requests coming, I love to hear you guys' ideas so much! :)

Wordcount: 6.4k

Warnings: Self esteem issues, a little bit of dropping the 'F' bomb and pure unbridled smut.

Requests are open!

Regeneration was a lottery.

Too right it was. One moment, you were looking at a twenty-something, quiffed up, dreamboat that looked like he just walked out of a straight out of a 2010s boyband. The next… well, no one quite knew how to explain the shift from that, to the man he could see before him. 

Gone was the youthful charm, replaced by a man who looked three decades older, with a wild mop of silver curls, eyes like deep wells, and a stare that could see straight through you. 

And god did he miss being a ‘dreamboat’. The Doctor wasn’t one for the meaningless, shallow notion of ‘flirting’-- at least not when it came to getting what he wanted. Manipulation through charm was always beneath him, for the most part. But in his eleventh form? He could do just that. It was just so effortless to him, that Incarnation had a face that could launch a thousand blushes, a sparkle in his eye and enough boyish charm to disarm the most skeptical of hearts. It didn’t matter the person; Human, Alien, Royalty or Rock Star, Hell, Even the great Marilyn Monroe had the hots for him at one point.

But none of that mattered to him… 

What mattered was you. You'd met The Doctor during that very incarnation, after a particularly difficult, long day at the cafe where you worked. You were cleaning down counters, flushing out the coffee machine, counting down those last few seconds, and just when you thought that you had seen it all, you heard a rat-atat-tat on the glass. You had glanced up and there he was, The Doctor, hair wild and windswept, suit torn at the shoulder and slightly sweaty, streaked with dirt and grime. You arched an eyebrow at him, unimpressed. What could this disheveled and unreasonably good looking stranger possibly want at this time of the evening? You shook your head to silently tell him that you were, in fact, closed.

The Doctor never cared much for rules, and he knew you didn’t either.

Was it the deviously charming smile he gave you? Was it the promise of something much bigger than a cafe in a small seaside town? Or perhaps, it was the otherworldly wisdom he had that put you in mind of an old University professor?

You didn’t care, you took his hand and promised to follow wherever he led.

There was always something there. The Doctor knew that his childish demeanor mixed in with his sharp dress sense and, let's face it- the floppy hair, did something to his companions- ie Amy Pond. Yet, there was more there. It was more than mere attraction, there was genuine love.

That’s what you both assumed it was anyway.

It all started with a slight brush of the hand, a smile when one of you thought the other wasn’t looking, the sudden race of the heart when he would pull you close, it all added up to one thing: attraction, pure unadulterated, attraction. What then?

Yes, of course, what then? 

There was only one thing that you could possibly do in that situation: Keep that shit to yourself. So that's exactly what both did, but keeping feelings bottled up are a hell of a lot easier said than done… especially when, on nearly every single blasted adventure, you somehow ended up crammed together in some ridiculously confined space.

By that point you wondered if the universe had an agenda…

But, like all good things, perhaps this should come to an end? Regeneration waits for no one and nothing. The Doctor Liked You. Really Liked you but that was always the risk of falling for a human. A human wouldn’t understand the complicated concept of regeneration.

What if you didn’t like the person he had become? What if you upped and decided that you didn’t want to go on adventures with him any more? People have left him for less, of course but with you it would feel much different.

You were different. According to the Doctor, perhaps a change of appearance would be the opposite of detrimental, perhaps it might even strengthen your relationship.

There was only one way to find out.

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

FLASH

In an instant, the Doctor’s face shifted. One life melting into another in a blinding swirl of energy that ended as soon as it started. You yelped and stumbled back, heart racing, barely able to process what you were seeing.

“Kidneys!” he shouted, grimacing and clutching his side. “I’ve got new kidneys!” He began to pace around you in disoriented circles, barely registering your presence.

“I don’t like the colour,” he muttered, frowning as the thought struck him again.

“The colour… of your kidneys?” you asked, voice small and shaky, blinking through tears that hadn’t fully dried,  from moments ago, when you’d begged the Doctor not to change.

Emotional whiplash is what you might call that.

The TARDIS lurched, juddering and shaking. The TARDIS experienced Turbulence all the time, yes. But not like this. You clutched to the side as the two of you were hurled from side to side.

“Whats Happening?” You cried, breathing shallowly.

“We’re probably crashing.” The New Doctor responded, with a hint of panic that was covered up remarkably well. Oh, he was Scottish now.

Sexy.

No. Shut up.

“Into what?”

“Stay clam.” He spoke again, moving around the console flipping random switches. That was a sure sign that despite his bright expression and his sure words, he did, in fact, not know what he was doing. “Just one question.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you happen to know how to fly this thing?”

Oh. My. God.

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

The good news was, you hadn’t died, the bad news was, you did crash. Flying straight out of a dinosaur’s throat, while the TARDIS was covered in Tyranosaurus spit and you, mildly concussed by your head being smacked against the side of the console upon impact, things weren’t looking great.

The worst of it was, you didn’t recognise the man who stood before you. 

Sure, to some capacity he was easy on the eyes, in a very… different way than he was less than twelve hours before, but this Doctor was brash, harsh and his brain was scrambled from the regeneration. It wasn’t something that you were accustomed to experiencing. He mentioned the notion of regeneration once, he said it was ‘Like dying a hundred times and being reborn as a stranger to yourself. Just when you begin to understand who you are, you become someone else.’

You had no idea what that was like.

And so, with a Dinosaur roaming around the streets of Victorian London and an out of control Doctor, you took refuge in Madame Vastra and her wonderful wife, Jenny’s, home. While in the dim coolness of it, you watched as Vastra carefully tried to, send him to sleep. She had muttered under her breath, something along the lines of “Here we go again.” To Jenny.

What could she have possibly meant by that? You thought. How many other ‘Dashing’ faces had he had before? And more importantly, how long would he have this one?

A long time, you hoped.

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

“It’s simply misunderstandable to me. I don’t know what it is!”

You and Jenny were pressed close to the door of the guest bedroom, barely breathing as you strained to hear muffled voices between the Doctor and Vastra from beyond. The hallway silent and still, save for the soft brush of your shoulders against the door as you squirmed at the sound of the Doctor’s voice raised. You were positioned in a way that made the both of you face each other. Neither of you said a word during the exchange – None were needed. You could see it in her eyes, just as it burned in yours: Two humans, mundane and simple, entangled in something from somewhere that wasn’t here. And yet, you loved them so.

It was a confusing string of thoughts and desires that got squashed by the logical part of your brain.

It made no sense. How could it? To the both of you, a storm of emotions churned beneath your skin – longing, fear, disbelief, the sharp ache of knowing what you felt should be impossible. Every rational thought tried to bury it, to force it down into the dark where it could be forgotten, dismissed as a foolish infatuation. 

But it wasn’t, was it? 

“And who invented this room?”

The door slammed open, and you and Jenny tumbled through the doorway, you, straight into the Doctor’s chest. You felt blush creep up your cheeks and hoped he didn’t see, but by the looks of things, he was more interested in the logistics of the room than whatever you were doing. Harsh.

“Doctor Please.” You grabbed his forearms softly and brought him closer to the bed, “You have to lie down.”

But the Doctor wasn’t having it, he pulled away from your touch. Something in your heart ached from the rejection, so you kept your hands to yourself. “It doesn’t make any sense.” he gestured wildly to the bed. “Look, it’s only got a bed in it.”

He’d gone insane, what next? The better question being: How were you going to take a Rogue Dinosaur back to where it belonged if the man that had for all intents and purposes brought it here, couldn’t wrap his head around the concept of a bedroom. 

“That’s because it's a BedROOM.” you huffed. “It’s for sleeping in.”

“Okay.” The Doctor started flailing all over again. “What do you do when you’re awake?”

“You leave the room.” Jenny jumped in. At this point all three of you were slowly shepherding him towards the bed.

The Doctor’s gaze darted frantically between you all. “So you have a whole room for not being awake in?.”

Yes.

“But what's the point?” He pushed past you and ran to the other side of the room, with a little trot, still completely frantic. “And don’t look in that mirror, its absolutely furious.”

“Doctor Please!” Your voice cut through his rambling. “You have to sit down, you keep passing out!”

“Allow me.” Madame Vastra sauntered up to the Doctor, taking his hands in her own. He didn’t flinch away like he did with you. You tried now to let that upset you. He silently brought him to the bed. 

What was she-?

Vastra placed her fingers to his temples, a moment of silence befell all of you, and then with a thwack he fell to the bed, perfectly unconscious.

“So what now?” You asked.

It seemed like Vastra had ignored you, she turned to her wife, calmly. “Jenny Dear, I will be in my chambers, would you be kind enough to fetch my veil?” 

Jenny’s eyes knitted together in confusion. “Why? Are we expecting strangers?”

Vastra’s eyes slowly and bitterly came into contact with your own. She looked like she was staring straight into your soul. “It would seem.” She held your gaze perfectly. “There’s already one here.”

You exhaled when she strode out of the room, heels click clacking on the floor. “What Have I done wrong?” You asked, with mild panic.

Jenny curtsied politely, almost sympathetically. “Forgive her Ma’am.” She said, picking her next words carefully. “She has not met many of the Doctor’s companions, I fear she might have the wrong idea with you.” 

The brunette stepped closer to you, taking your hands in her own. “She will learn that you mean no harm, and that your love and care for the Doctor stretches beyond the way he looks.”

A blush crept up your face as you gave the Doctor’s sleeping form one last look. “Yes.” was all you could manage to say.

“Good, well I’ll be off then. The wife doesn’t like to be kept waiting.” The brunette smiled at you before turning to step out of the room.

“But where did he get that face?” You asked absent mindedly. “Why does it have lines on it? It’s brand new.”

“It’s still him ma’am.” 

“Yes.”

“You saw him change.”

“Yes- I Know, I know that. I just-”

“Good.” Jenny said with a smile. “And, I for one think that, you still feel the same way for him now, as you did yesterday.” 

“Yes.”

Jenny didn’t say another word after that, she didn’t need to. She curtsied one more time before excusing herself to hers and her wife’s chambers. She would let you know when you were next needed.

If you were needed at all that was. The look that Vastra gave you was as if you were the gum underneath her perfectly sculpted heels.

As you sat on the bed, completely alone with the Doctor. He looked so peaceful now, chest rising and falling in an even pattern. You cocked your head slightly at the sight with a small smile playing on your lips. You hadn’t seen him like this before. He was always running around, eyes bright and full of sparkle. What kind of person would he be now? 

Upon a further look, you noticed the lines, mapping across his face. Each one, longer and deeper than the last, yet they fit him. It was as if even though he looked so different, you could pick him out in a crowd of thousands.

Then there was that little wrinkle in the middle of his furrowed brow. You chuckled silently, he looked beautiful, in a strange way. A way that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, you querked an eyebrow at him and a warm pool formed in your lower abdomen. You swallowed as you tried to will it away. 

Your hand moved, almost with a mind of its own and touched one of his unruly grey curls. Your breath hitched as you ran a hand through it.

It was still him.

And he was beautiful.

Your eyes flickered down to his lips and back to his hair, taking in the entirety of his face. “Doctor.” You Murmured his name for the first time in what felt like weeks. It felt so right on your tongue, he felt right. That was knowledge that you were completely comfortable in. Did he feel it too? You adjusted the covers over him ever so slightly and pressed your palm against his hand. A gesture that felt like it had been done a thousand times over.

“Ma’am?” You heard Jenny’s voice again, from the doorway. “She’s ready for you.”

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

“And then, what happened?” Madame Vastra asked. She sat across from you in a large, spoon-shaped bamboo armchair, its smooth curves catching the soft light. Jenny stood beside her, hands folded neatly in front of her, a quiet presence. The conservatory glowed with a warm, golden hue, sunlight filtering through the glass and casting gentle shadows. Elegant Greek statues and serene stone fountains were arranged tastefully among vibrant, exotic plants, filling the spacious room with a sense of civilised tranquility.

It only offended you slightly that Vastra wore her veil over her face. It was not merely an insult but a mark of suspicion.

I have to prove it to her. The thought whispered through your mind. I have to prove to her that I do truly care for him.

But you couldn’t stop yourself from asking.

“Why are you wearing your veil?” You Murmured Brokenly. 

“And then?” She asked again through gritted teeth.

You sighed. No explanation then. “And then.” You mimicked her tone through gritted teeth. “We got swallowed by a giant dinosaur.” You slouched in your seat like a stroppy teenager. “You probably noticed.”

So much for proving to her.

Jenny asked another question, and then another. You didn’t quite fully understand what she was asking you, yet you answered anyway, like your mind was on auto pilot.

After the questions were over. Madame Vastra leaned forward so that she had your full attention. You couldn’t see her properly through her veil but her gaze was burning through you.

“Do you know what has just happened to the Doctor?” She asked, pointedly.

You Nodded.

“Tell me.” She knew. Of course she knew, she was just simply testing you.

“He told me about it once. He told me it was called ‘Regeneration’. He said it was like a renewal.” You said, keeping your face as neutral as you could.

“And yet, you have such a cynical smile.” 

“What.” you instinctively leaned back sharply. “I’m not- how can you tell?”

“I am… accustomed to seeing through a veil.” She placed her hands neatly in her lap. “But you are not the one to be asking questions today.” She cleared her throat, making a small scene of it. It was to get your attention, and she had it. “What is your intention with the Doctor?”

Your eyes widened, almost to say excuse me? You didn’t quite know what to expect from a chat from Madame Vastra, but you definitely didn’t expect it to be reminiscent of a teenage boy sat in front of his new girlfriend’s father and him asking “What are your intentions with my daughter?”

Jenny must have noticed your reaction because she nudged Vastra with her elbow. Vastra gave her wife a “What did I do?” look momentarily, but then turned back to you, only slight apologetically. “Forgive me. I was insensitive there. I only mean to understand you.”

“I understand.” You rasped. “I don’t know.” Another moment of silence. “I like him.”

“Do you like him now?” Vastra turned her head sideways like a curious bird. “He is different to the person he once was.”

Another test.

“He’s not different.” You remained as calm as you could. “You said so yourself. He just looks different. He just doesn’t look young anymore.”

“You think the Doctor is young.” Vastra snapped, her tone changing almost instantly. You had really done it now.

“He looked like your dashing young gentleman friend, your lover even.”

“Vastra I’m-”

“He is the Doctor.” She hissed. “He has walked this universe for centuries, untold, he has seen stars fall to dust.” 

You looked over at Jenny wide eyed, she gave you a look to be quiet.

“You might as well flirt with a mountain range.” She continued, teeth bared. Nostrils flaring. You had only met the woman once in your time with the Doctor but never had she shown this kind of outrage. “He flirted with you, yes. But you and I both know that you loved it. He looked young and pretty. Now, who do you think that was for?”

“I don’t-”

“Everyone. I wear a veil as he wore a face for the same reason. Do you know what the reason is?”

You shook your head. You did not want to open your mouth for fear of saying the wrong thing again.

“Acceptance.” She spat out. “Jenny and I are Married, but for acceptance, we maintain a pretence, in public, that she is my maid. Do you understand what that is like? The Doctor no longer has the face he had yesterday or the day before that, so now things will be much more difficult for him. And I will say this in the most polite way I can muster; he does not need for you to decide that now he isn’t what you want him to be and leave him.”

You frowned, the accusation tore into you. “Are you judging me?” It was your turn to snarl at her.

Vastra sighed, as she relaxed slightly – but not completely. “He regenerated in front of you. The young man disappeared, the veil lifted. He trusted you.” She turned to her wife, a language only they both understood. “I just hope that he’s right.” 

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

After that exhilarating interrogation, you were dismissed back to the bedroom where the Doctor lay. Jenny had told you that there was a guest room in the west wing. She mentioned something about not having guests very often, so while you were seeing the doctor, she made up the bed. You'd have rathered spend the night with him.

Not in that way, but yes in that way.

You shook the thought out of your head, before you turned to the door of the room. You knocked softly. “Doctor?” You asked softly. “I’m coming in, okay?”

You stepped into the room and your eyes immediately fell to the bed. The doctor was gone. He had clearly awoken at some point while you were down stairs. But where could he have gone?

“You there.” A voice.  Not harsh, not loud but scared.

You whipped around, straight into the eyes of your beloved Doctor. He stood upright, dressed, not in that night shirt he had on before you left, but in a long black army coat with a matching pair of trousers with a shirt buttoned all the way to the top. He looked much more lucid now, no sign of shouting or flailing or distaste for bedrooms.

It was your Doctor. He was back. You smiled brightly at him, taking a single step toward him. He didn’t move, but he also didn’t move away. That was all the permission you needed to take another step, then another until you were faced to face with him. Close. Close enough to feel the heat radiating from his skin.

Tentatively, you reached up and brushed your fingers along his cheek. At the contact, his breath hitched. His eyes fluttered shut, and he exhaled. Quiet, strained, like he’d been holding something in for far too long. The sound made your stomach twist, your pulse quicken.

“Do you remember who I am?” You whispered desperately, your voice radiating with need.

His eyes fluttered open, dark and unreadable, but then:

“Yes.” he breathed. His hand closed gently around yours, his fingers ghosting across your skin with a reverence that felt like worship. He said your name like it hurt to hold it in — soft, desperate, sacred.

You choked out a breathless moan, nearly a whimper, your gaze, flickering down to his lips then back up to his eyes. They were so familiar, aching, kind.

“What do you see?” he murmured again. “When you look at me?”

Your jaw tensed, voice rough with restraint. “What am I meant to see?”

“It’s still me.” His voice was low, velvet and raw. “I am the same person. I can’t change how I look, I wish I could, but it’s still me. If you don’t like me anymore I understand, but please.” He didn’t touch you, not yet. He stood there, trembling on the edge of control. “I need you to know that I Love you. I always have.”

The air between you crackled like a live wire.

You surged forward and kissed him.

The Doctor growled low. His hands found your waist, it was urgent, grounding. He pulled you against him like he could bear another second of distance, not after what felt like years of looking, longing, needing. Your fingers threaded through his soft, silken hair and you felt him groan into your mouth.

He spun you around, pressing you back against the wall. It was sudden and it was hungry. The impact of your back hitting the wood startled a gasp from your lips which was swallowed instantly by another kiss. It was burning and all consuming, your lips moving in perfect unison. You cradled the back of his head as you gave his bottom lip a toothless bite. 

Soft, kind, gentle. You could spend hours on his lips alone. Feeling him, really feeling him. You could spend days in his arms, feeling his tight embrace. You could spend a lifetime with him. You could-

“(Y/N)!” He exclaimed, pushing himself away from you, instinctively touching his lips. A wave of panic flashed against his features. Your face dropped. Did he regret what you just did? Was he about to tell you that this was all a mistake? He breathed shallowly and went straight back to darting around the room like he did over an hour ago. “That- I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” You didn’t step forward this time. You just stayed frozen in place. “What on earth do you have to be sorry for?”

“I-I-I, you, I shouldn’t have done that.” He stammered, words tripping over themselves. As his eyes shifted around the room, looking everywhere but you. “I was being hasty. That wasn’t the right thing to do.”

“Doctor. I kissed you.” You responded with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh.” He swallowed, you could practically see the cogs turning in his head. “What did you do that for?”

You facepalmed. “I thought you liked me. That’s why I did it.” 

The Doctor relaxed, then slowly made his way back to you. He paused when he was close, a flicker of hesitation in his eyes, but then he wrapped his arms around your waist once more, pulling you into a soft embrace.

“I know that you can tell I’m different.” He looked down at you as he spoke, considering his words very carefully. “I have seen that face so many times before. It's ‘disappointment’ they feel, that I don’t look like the man they once fell in love with. I am not the man I was twelve hours ago, but I also am. I don’t expect you to understand and I also don’t expect you to still feel the same way you may or may not have before I was…me, now.” His gaze broke from you as he looked up, frustrated with himself. “God, you humans are so simple, with your silly little ‘concepts’”

You tried very hard not to be offended by that comment.

“Doctor.” You Blurted. There was a beat before he looked back at you. God, you could get lost in those eyes. “The thing is, I don’t remember telling you that I was disappointed. I don’t know who’s been in your life before me but all I can tell you is that I am not disappointed. I don’t care that your face has more lines on it and I don’t care that you look a little older. In fact, I think it makes you look sexier. I’ve wanted this since I met you.”

The Doctor was ready with an excuse. “But I-” He stopped, the comment you just made just settled in his brain. “You, think what?”

A mischievous grin crept across your face. “I think you heard me loud and clear.”

The Doctor let out a breathless, awkward laugh as she looked up anxiously, with a big bright smile spread across his cheeks. He looked adorable. The All-Amazing, All-Powerful Doctor, blushing and smiling at your silly little comment. It made you giggle slightly, giggles turned to laughing and soon the two of you were honking out belly laughs that overlapped each other, filling the room with complete joy.

“So.” He said, between laughs. He looked back down at you, a sparkle glinted in his eye. “What do you think of the new clothes?” He stepped back, giving a little turn so you could see the whole outfit.

“I think.” You began. You tapped your finger against your chin, pondering, eyes focused on him. “That they’ll look better on the floor.”

The Doctor stopped dead in his tracks. His mouth parted as if to speak, then closed again in silent confusion, the flustered look settling right back in. He stood, mouth agape for a few more moments, waiting for you to say something, anything else.

Your head tilted playfully, a wicked expression darkened your features.

When the Doctor had calmed his unruly blush, he cleared his throat, and brought his searing gaze back to you. “Well.” He said, gruffly. “In that case.”

Before you had a moment to react, his lips were on yours again, this time it was urgent and familiar. His arms wrapped around you so tightly, it felt like he might never let go. Your hands moved to his face, Tracing every line, every crease, every wrinkle, memorising the story etched into his skin. Your heart surged, caught somewhere between joy and desire.

“I’ve wanted you.” You breathed, the words tumbling out of you like a confession torn from the deepest crevice of your chest.. “I’ve wanted you since I met you- since the cafe. I knew, from the moment I looked at you.” Your voice trembled, heavy with the weight of the longing that had only grown harder to contain. It wasn’t just want; it was ‘need’. The space between you felt unbearably charged, his presence pressing into every corner of your awareness. “Doctor.” You whined, voice breaking, desperate as his breath ghosted your lips.

“I can’t-” The Doctor rasped. His continued scepticism of your affection broke you. Still, you let him speak. “The novelty will rub off.” He glanced back down at you. “You and I Both know that.”

That didn’t stop you – in fact, it only spurred you on. Lust clouded your expression as you locked eyes with him again.

“Let me show you then.” You husked. “Let me show you just how much you mean to me.”

You stepped forward with purpose, pushing him back until his shoulders met the wall with a dull thud. Your palm pressed firmly against the center of his chest, holding him in place, not that he was trying to get away. His breath hitched as he watched you through half-lidded eyes, caught between anticipation and surrender.

You leaned in slowly, brushing a soft, deliberate kiss against his lips, more a tease than affection. Then another, just beneath his jaw. And another, lower, on the sensitive skin of his throat. You let your mouth trail down, your lips mapping him in fleeting, open-mouthed kisses that grew bolder, wetter, more possessive.

A low moan escaped him as your teeth grazed his neck, a sharp nip followed by a soothing kiss. His hips bucked slightly toward you, but you kept him pinned. Your other hand drifted downward, confident and unhurried, tugging at his belt with a cheeky ease. The clink of the buckle echoed in the charged silence, followed by the soft rustle of fabric as you undid his trousers and eased them down.

Your hand slipped into his underwear without hesitation, wrapping around the hard length of him. You palmed him slowly, savoring the weight, the heat, the way he twitched under your touch. His head tilted back against the wall, lips parted, breath growing shallow and quick. Still, not a word, just the soft, ragged sound of his need.

Then, you pulled away from his neck, your lips leaving his flushed skin with a final lingering kiss. With deliberate slowness, you lowered yourself to your knees, your eyes never leaving his. You settled between his legs, now at eye level with the evidence of just how much he wanted you. Your hand gave a teasing stroke as you looked up at him, your mouth just inches away.

He stared down at you, chest heaving, completely silent, except for the breathy sound of his anticipation. He didn’t need to speak. His body said more than enough.

With a hungry smile, you hooked your fingers into the waistband of his trousers and pushed them down just far enough to free him. Your hand curled around his cock, stroking him slowly, teasing him to full hardness as you watched his reactions with keen interest. His jaw clenched, his breath hitched, and when you looked up at him through your lashes, he looked wrecked already.

You leaned in and pressed a languid lick along the length of him, your tongue tracing a slow path from base to tip. He let out a sharp breath as you reached the head and wrapped your lips around it, taking him into your mouth with deliberate, aching slowness.

The Doctor’s head fell back against the wall with a soft thud, his eyes fluttering shut. A moan escaped him, low, raw, and helpless.

You began to move, lips gliding down and back in a steady rhythm, your hand stroking what your mouth couldn’t reach. The slick, wet sound of your saliva coated each motion, making it messier, filthier, better. His hips rolled forward instinctively, chasing the warmth of your mouth, unable to help himself.

You took him deeper, your throat tightening as you gagged around him just enough to make a delicious sound, one that had the Doctor moaning softly, his hands tangling in your hair. He tugged, not to guide, but to ground himself, as though anchoring himself to the moment.

“Just like that,” he breathed, voice breaking with pleasure. “Your mouth feels so fucking good on me, sweetheart.”

His words sent a fresh wave of heat pooling between your thighs. You moaned around him, the vibration making him shudder. Your tongue flicked and swirled around him, lavishing every inch with attention as your pace quickened just enough to make him tremble.

He whispered something… mumbled, incoherent, but you didn’t need to understand. You could feel it, the way his thighs tensed, the way his grip tightened ever so slightly. And then, with a stuttering gasp, he came, hot and thick on your tongue.

You swallowed around him, not breaking eye contact as you pulled back slowly, licking your lips as you let him slip from your mouth. His chest was heaving, his eyes dark and stunned with pleasure, completely undone by you.

You wiped the last of him that escaped from the corner of your lips and rose slowly, you let his eyes follow you. You had never seen an expression quite like this before. A quiet before the storm.

And boy, did you have a great storm awaiting you.

“Do you believe me now?” You asked, hushed, like a kid awaiting praise from a school teacher. The Doctor didn’t say a word, his mouth lay agape, surprised, transfixed.

 “I don’t care how many times I have to say it. I love you. I love you so much it kills me.” You pleaded, “I’ll show you. I’ll show you a thousand times if I have to. I don’t give a shit what you look like. It's still you.” 

Tears began to prick your vision as you quickly wiped them away. “Jesus, say something please.”

“You like an older man do you?” The Doctor murmured, a dark joke playing on his lips along with a smug smirk.

“I think that was made perfectly clear.” You quipped. “You’ve aged like fine wine, Doctor.”

He laughed at that. A proper head back, coming deep within the stomach chortle. For the first time in a while, you saw his smile, twice in fact. A proper, kind smile. It was infectious, kind, iridescent. You wanted to make him smile always.

And so, The Doctor stepped out of his trousers that were already undone from a few minutes ago, as well as the coat, vulnerability cloaked only in the intensity of his gaze. He stepped forward without a word, his hands warm and steady as he lifted you into his arms. You clung to him instinctively, your breath catching as he laid you down onto the bed with a tenderness that nearly shattered you.

“Clothes on the floor.” he joked, “Well most of them anyway.” 

That made you giggle.

“You’re sure?” He asked softly, after a moment of silence, his accent a low murmur that sent heat curling through your spine. His eyes, those stormy, ancient eyes, searched your face for any flicker of hesitation.

“I’m sure,” you whispered.

That was all he needed.

He kissed you gently at first, reverently, like you were something sacred. His mouth moved against yours with quiet urgency, his hand sliding up your thigh, slow and measured, as though memorising every inch of you. He pushed your skirt up, lips never leaving yours, and hooked his fingers around the edge of your panties, pulling them down with a purposeful tug.

His fingers found your folds, already slick, and he paused, just briefly, to look at you, the corner of his mouth twitching in something like awe. Then he slid one finger inside you, then a second, the stretch sending pleasure ricocheting through your body as he began to pump slowly.

“Doctor—” you moaned, hips rising to meet his hand. “That feels—ah!”

He huffed a breathless laugh, gaze darkening as he watched your reactions with rapt fascination. “I know it does. I can feel you,” he growled, voice thick with want. “You’re practically singing for me.”

You arched into his touch, voice trembling. “No, Doctor, I need you. I need you inside me. Please.”

He stilled, staring at you like you’d just told him that Darleks were robots.

“Say no more,” he whispered, but the way he said it, gravelled and reverent, made it sound like a promise, not a command.

He stripped the shirt from your body and undid your bra with deft fingers, then quickly shrugged off his own. His hands traced the curves of your torso, pausing reverently over your breasts, his nails grazing lightly over your skin. Each touch left you breathless, raw, alive.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured, almost to himself, as though he couldn’t quite believe you were real. “All this time… and still, you take my breath away.”

All his usual sharpness, his walls were gone. He was unguarded here, with you. Only this remained: a man who had seen too much, lost too much… and somehow still loved.

He crawled between your legs with careful deliberation, and you wrapped them around his waist, pulling him close. When he finally pushed inside you, both of you gasped, your bodies meeting with a perfect, aching familiarity. You felt full, whole, and utterly claimed.

You mewled as he began to move, slow and grinding, drawing out every sensation like he never wanted it to end. The sound of your pleasure made his breath hitch, and he leaned forward to rest his forehead against yours, utterly still for a moment.

“I’ve got you,” he sighed, voice breaking with emotion. “Always. You hear me? I’ve always got you.”

Your bodies moved in tandem, as though made to fit this way. He didn’t look away once, not even when your breath stuttered and you broke apart around him, your orgasm cresting like a wave. He watched you, mesmerised, chasing you through it as if your pleasure was the only thing that mattered.

He moaned softly, lips brushing yours, as he followed you over the edge. And still, even in that final moment, his eyes never left yours.

Silence befell the both of you. A mixture of what was left unsaid for the past few months. Your chest, still fluttering. You wrapped your arms around him, bringing him closer. “What now?” You asked, a hint of worry churning in your gut.

“Now.” He said, a grin spreading from ear to ear. “We go and catch a dinosaur.”

Regeneration was a lottery.

And the Doctor, sure as hell, won it.

[mentally-eel-moray]

wifey... thanks molly, and i'll use this as fuel to say just how MAD GOOFY Ibara is.

Not all EDEN fans take into account how much goofy shenanigans potential Ibara Saegusa has.

first: her salute turned into an unofficial cospro greeting because the aoi twins kept imitating it.

Ibara, besides being the vice president, is not respcted a lot by her unit, Crazy:B and Valk. Hiyori hates her gut because Hiyori keeps thinking she is manipulating Nagisa when, in fact, Nagisa is not forced to do shit by Ibara, and goes against Ibara when he sees fit. Jun and Ibara have a mutual teasing and banter relation.

Rinne waited till Ibara did her whole plan JUST to throw it out the window on main story. Shu hates Ibara but tbh Shu is not a liker of people. Mika is scared of Ibara up until the point he talks with Hajime and Hajime calls her Ibanyan. IT ENDED ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER HE HEARD THAT.

Ibara has some of teh most bat shit insane and goofies lines i've seen while still playing the game. She brougth Bloody Mary to Yuzuru durign Frontline Watchdogs scout story just to be mean to him, cuz Yuzu is afraid of dogs. She then proceeded to overwork Bloody Mary till exhaustion. Ibara god called "good boy" by nagisa and proceed to say that being called that makes her ass itch. NOT EVEN ON THE FIRST CHAPTER OF BOGEI TIME, STILL ON THE PROLOGUE, IBARA WAS LOOKIGN FOR A GUN TO SHOOT HERSELF FOR HAVIGN TO END HER SENTENCES WITH NYAN. Ibara is the one RUNNING THE INFORMATION BEAREU AND STILL GETS HER CAMERAS FUCKED OVER BY MAMA AND MAYOI.

do we see the vision??? she is so pathetic lil meow meow coded. She has 1 job and half the time the units under her care fuck that 1 job over. She shares a dorm with Tsumugi, Midori and Mitsuru. A company administration rival, the autism creechur and the adhd creechur. Ibara is stuck on military stuff but sometimes on the goofiest topics. My wife in christ, why are you, on yoru right mind, wanting to turn this yorkshire terrier into a killign machine.

this is just me rambling about her beign pathetic. it's okay iba, i still love u and the freaky tongue u keep stickign out of ur mouth (not over the new MV)

[intuitive-revelations]

Legend of Ruby Sunday live notes

Obviously spoilers below, recorded as I watched. Definitely gonna watch again though. I think I might do a seperate write up about 'what to take away' because oh my god does this episode throw a lot at you!

"Uncle"!!

We're definitiely getting a UNIT spin-off aren't we? I recognised the soldier guy straight away (tbh, when I first saw the 60th trailers he looked so odd in the shots used I thought he was cgi/deepfaked). If we do get it, I do hope they go for the military vs science conflict like I imagine - he'd be a good 'antagonist' for Kate in that regard.

Ooh... just pointing out the anagram in-universe....huh.

"TARDIS technology." Oh she's doomed this episode, I can feel it coming.

Oh! And we're doing the Susan mention?! Ok?!

AND THAT'S THE END OF THE PRE-TITLES WHAT? WHY?

Must be a redirect, though, surely? 'Susan' is not much to go off. It's silly they're jumping to this straight away in-universe, even with the TARDIS anagram.

"Well, except the obvious." "We'll get him." Is that a Musk slam?

Mel!

"Call me Sue" that's a bit of evidence against. Though if it is somehow Susan, her actually being 'really nice' would be cute.

Ruby Rose besties! Ruby Rose besties!

Hm. If this is somehow Susan, we are so going to dissect that thing about Sue Triad's parents.

Donna mention. :)

Oh my god, I've just realised. The TARDIS is a central part of this mystery, and that's exactly what Mrs Flood claimed to recognise...

Uhh.... what's up with Flood?

"HE WAITS NO MORE."

We're really settling on the Susan thing, huh.

"He never mentioned a granddaughter." Five Doctors fans keep losing.

"If you've got a granddaughter, that means you've got kids." "Well, not quite. Not yet." OMG WE'RE DOING THIS?

(Also...he definitely HAS had kids before - and not just Jenny and Miranda. But wild that we're implying Susan isn't the child of one of them.)

"I bring disaster. What if I go back and ruin her?" Hmm... so far kinda compatible with To the Death?

"Especially the Prime Minister." lol.

"N-dimenionsal time", thanks, I'll absorb that into my interpretation of time, time tracks etc. in the whoniverse.

Mel lost her family. Is that a reference? Doesn't immediately bring something to mind.

I like the way the lights are fading up and down, very TARDIS-y.

Ooh, the VHS-y environment.

"The greatest power of all: memory. Time is remembered. Memory is time." MEMORY TARDIS MEMORY TARDIS.

"What is the memory of a time machine?" No way.

Ok, getting ready for a twist. RTD said where people were is important.

...or not?

The one who waits?!

Well there goes the colonel. No surprise.

Hmm... the description "it's everything" sounds a lot like the Void ship from Doomsday.

"It's the Beast." Not that 'Beast' surely?

"It's so old. It's been waiting. It's been waiting for so long." So those "one"s are the same, confirmed?

"It's the TARDIS" AHHHH.

It's groaning again! "It's made that noise before."

"What if it exists around the TARDIS now and we just can't see it?"

I don't think this is our Susan, but if she somehow is I'm really enjoying her dorkiness.

...that's two "no more" drops so far. Hmm...

"AND I THINK WE CAN SUCCEED" Hello?!

It's woven into the TARDIS? Some sort of parasite maybe? Didn't RTD say something about the splitting in The Giggle being important?

"He has hidden in the Howling Void. He has hidden within the tempest." WAIT I WAS RIGHT?! It's Void related. The Eternals called it the Howling didn't they?!

"All this time, he whispered and delighted and seduced, and the vessel did obey. For none should be more mighty and none should be more wise than the King himself." UHHHHH.

HARRIET F*CKING ARBINGER (and she said she was born for this... of course)

WAIT THAT'S SAXON'S THEME WTF

"I dream of worlds with orange skies." HUH? I guess that could be from Boom, but you know what I'm thinking

"There is the Toymaker: the God of Games. There is Trickster: the God of traps." I f*cking knew it. The 'Pantheon' is the Pantheon of Discord!

"There is Maestro: the God of Music. There is Reprobate: of Spite. There is the Mara, the God of Beasts, and the three-fold deity of malice and mischeif and misery." Ok Mara mention... BUT also, "three-fold" that's deliberate right?! Like the Six-Fold God?

"The mother and father and other of them all."

SUTEKH!

"Did you think I was family, Doctor?" Phew...

And it's Gabriel Woolf voicing him! That's good.

Wait... he also voiced the Beast... huh. What does that mean with the reference this episode?

[compacflt]

Hi, big fan of your fics. I've just found your Tumblr and binged everything Icemav-related. When reading about Icemav's political beliefs, I've gotten curious. Does Bradley share the same political beliefs as Ice (and Mav)? Does being raised by them or them pulling his papers influence how he votes? Or there are other factors in the play (e.g. generations, social media)? How about Jake and the other Daggers? How does this young generation of the Navy perceive politics (elections, gender, etc.)? My apologies for bombarding you with questions. But as a non-American, American politics have always been something we must pay attention to. I've seen many interesting interpretations on Tumblr but it feels more or less wistful than realistic, but I might be wrong (again not an American) so I would love to see your perspective on this. Thank you.

a good politics roundup post before i leave this blog

icemav & their conservatism: here, here, here

ice’s NECESSARY conservatism as commander of the pacific fleet (i.e. officers who are most likely to get promoted to the highest ranks do NOT break the service line when it comes to domestic politics, so by necessity ice would’ve had to keep his mouth shut, he Cannot be both a four-star and a revolutionary, like he just can’t; and being a revolutionary is otherwise antithetical to his character anyway): here, here.

and the original “ice & mav politics post” which is being updated here: here

I’ve gone back and forth on everyones politics over the last year of me being involved with these characters, but let me just tell you where I’ve ended up headcanoning them politically, if ur interested

ice: reagan democrat. “educated moderate” who was more right-leaning pre-9/11. now just a regular ol liberal (did you SEE those gay little round glasses in tgm? no way this guy isn’t a straight-up lib) with absolutely no strong feelings about most domestic politics besides “fascism bad”. Has some foreign policy opinions that areeeee questionable at best, like all members of the military elite (hangman voice: DO NOT ASK ICEMAN ABOUT CHINA. WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE). foreign policy neoliberal favoring the dovish side of the spectrum. A force conservator (“let’s save our military assets [read: my boyfriend maverick 🥺] for when we really need them, not for any old conflict. the deterring specter of the American war machine should outweigh the risk of underperforming”). He’s in favor of marriage equality of course, but treats it like a privilege and not a right. would be sad/upset if it got repealed but wouldn’t necessarily fight for it. “well at least my marriage will always be legal in california so i just won’t leave, problem solved.” Normie median Biden voter.

mav: political wildcard tbh. original 1986 mav is DEFINITELY right-leaning (i think i’ve written elsewhere, “he fully believes bill clinton is an affront to god”). i get young republican vibes from him. Full on patriotic (but dispassionate) 1980s reaganite anti-commie neoconservative. but after the 2010s i am very confused tbh. Tom cruise’s political aura is an insanely confusing one. idk. No matter what, Mav has some Hot Takes that a.) can immediately be shot down by ice using Facts and Logic at any time and b.) are not strictly partisan. He’s registered democrat just to support marriage equality (his marriage is his top priority but he doesn’t care about Other gays’ marriages, only his own), doesn’t care about any of the party’s other lines. Votes however ice tells him to. I get real “kind clueless libertarian” vibes from 2022 maverick tbh. Especially with the “isolating himself in a hangar in the middle of the mojave desert.” that has a political connotation to it for sure. bro just does whatever he wants out there

also, ice & mav live in San Diego, which… while in blue/democrat leaning California…is famously a bastion of right-wingers & has a hitler particle level off the charts… (sorry its not my favorite place in the world). That’s why they’re both continually so disgusted by San Francisco (a metonym for effete liberal homosexuality). Theyre from San Diego, hatred of SF & liberal SF politics is kinda par for the course down there.

Bradley: as u will see in the extras i definitely hc Bradley as an activist, but because he’s… in the navy and also like in his 30s… It’s not college campus activism, it’s just “things all of us in the left wing can agree upon” activism. so, like, BLM or pride, etc. He’s an “in this house we believe” yard sign liberal. He is 38 years old. hes a solid millennial so not politically hip with the kids (me)

Bradley & ice/mav disagree on the VISIBILITY of politics. Ice & mav, who did live through the vietnam era draft/near-dissolution of American society in the 60s and 70s, are not in favor of possibly losing their job/honor they have fought and killed for, for the sake of a political statement. And they believe their relationship IS a political statement, whereas Bradley would rather encourage them to treat their relationship like, I don’t know, a relationship that has a right to exist independent of politics!

Jake and the other daggers: idk. i don’t really give a shit about the daggers sorry. They r blank slates 2 me. jake especially is canonically frat-boy sexist in a way that gives me the heebs, much like original 1986 maverick and ice. But the navy tends to be the most left-wing (or thought of as left wing in common thought) service of the military, if that helps. But it is also the most traditional service of the military, and by traditional I mean BRITISH!!!! 🇬🇧💂there’s so much pomp and circumstance and hoity-toitiness that comes from the navy’s origins in the Royal Navy. A lot of sticking to outdated tradition in the very fabric of the navy itself, while the navy’s enlisted demographics shift younger and more left-wing/“revolutionary…” some interesting conflicts there. Like that one sailor who got blasted by multiple congressmen on social media for (with permission!) reading a poem about their queer identity on the USS Gerald ford’s intercom a few months back, if I remember correctly. Hoo boy the Takes that day were wild. Younger Americans tend to be more liberal but YMMV with officers, who are by nature trying to uphold outdated traditions of the navy for the sake of keeping the navy a unified service

i am of course writing carole as a christian republican who has gay friends and a gay kid not by choice but by the Grace of God

[applepiesandalibis]

So. A couple of posts ago I mentioned writing an explanation of why I adore each TPC album for a different reason (a thing that makes this specific album unique for me). Nobody asked for it. Here it is.

The first one, Young Bodies Heal Quickly holds a special place in my heart mostly because of its vibes. And also because I listened to it in the hard times and it really helped me to deal with some things. It manages to depict many different emotions and feelings perfectly: such as fear, anxiety, anger and in the end it even becomes really comforting, makes you feel safe and calm even if the rest of the album feels like the world is ruining and you're absolutely helpless. I really love how it contains both very energetic and very calm songs. I mean, pretty sure all of their records do, but here it's more noticeable and I like that contrast. ALSO, something about the voicemail sample with that agressive instrumental as a background... I just find it incredibly cool for whatever reason. In general, YBHQ has some of the coolest samples.

Hide the Kitchen Knives... Well, I don't listen to that one a lot, sadly :( Mostly because it's not on spotify (at least for me, heard some lucky people have it there) and it's not very comfortable to listen to it on other platforms. Still, I like it for — yet again — its unique vibe, cool instrumentals (God Forgive Us All is just..... mwah /pos) and also some thoughts John expresses on this record. I find the whole concept behind it very interesting.

God Bless Your Black Heart for the story it tells and the fact that absolutely everything on this album is connected. Makes my neurodivergent brain happy, I will NEVER get tired of (over)analyzing it and yapping about it. John said he worked very hard on this one and it really shows!!! I associate a lot of good moments in my life with GBYBH (even though the album itself is pretty dark) and Said the Spider to the Fly will always be one of my favorite music videos to ever exist. It means a lot to me and I rewatched it hundreds of times.

Then, Now You Are One Of Us, which has its SpOoKy atmosphere that is actually trying to hide a very hopeful message behind itself and no, I will NOT shut up about this. Plus, again, the samples are just perfect. It was the first album of theirs I heard and it really made me realize how good this band is. I know how cringy this probably sounds, but it actually changed my life and it only gets better with each listen.

Ctrl-Alt-Delete-U is just crazy. In a good way. I mean, a 40-minute song that is mostly just one phrase being repeated over and over again? Who do you think is eating this up? That's right: me. All of the other songs are great too, of course. I can't fully understand the concept behind this album tbh, but that's what I like about it.

Someday This Could All Be Yours is, as I previously said, the one I listen to the most. The natural disasters concept is something that really got my attention at first and the lyricism on here is INCREDIBLY good. Every song has its own mood and its own 'personality', which makes me want to came up with a character for each one of them (I already have a bunch of TPC based OCs, but still). Also I'm a big fan of the suffering that thinking about Vol. 2 brings me into👍🏻 /hj

And, of course, their older stuff (...And the Machines Are Winning, Essays on Frantic Desperation, singles like Dilbert, a Man If You Will, etc.) deserves being mentioned too. I feel like these guys were really vibing while recording this! The lyrics aren't that deep as they are on later records, sometimes you can't even understand what John is saying, but the instrumentals are amazing. John straight up tortures his guitar sometimes; it makes such a cool sound though, so it's totally worth it. They had a very great start and I love older TPC just as much as newer!!!

Obviously, I can't just not mention Nighty Nite in this. Dimples gives me a nostalgic feeling, but at the same time it's so dark and can easily make you anxious. My fav track from it is definetely Meaningless. Ironically, it makes me feel like life does have a meaning. I don't know. And again, the lyrics are very good here.

Until the Horror Goes is also very nostalgic, but in a slightly more positive way. John said this album is mostly about getting older and dealing with adult life and it does depict this feeling very well. It also has a really pretty cover — my favorite after the GBYBH one. The songs on it are catchy, I know them all by heart. The instrumentals are yummy too (take Animal Rites for example, it scratches my brain in such a good way). I like the more electronic sound it has and I think it was a good way to end John's career as a musician... (sobs)

TL;DR: The pAper chAse is the best band in the entire world and they have never released a single bad song. I love all of their records like they're my children (or even more, cause I don't really like children... you got the point). End rant.

[pastafossa]

Just saw a recent ask you answered about TRT and found out that you've been adding songs to the playlist that readers suggest.

Well, I've got a whole list of suggestions! I actually made my own playlist because I had thought of a bunch! Anyway, here's the list:

Alive by SIA, Angel With a Shotgun by The Cab, Battlefield by SVRCINA, Become the Beast by Karliene, Carolina by Taylor Swift, Centuries by Fall Out Boy, Darling by Halsey, Devil on My Shoulder by Faith Marie, Ember by Katherine McNamara, Enemy Fire by Bea Miller, Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Lorde (alternatively, you can use the original by the Beatles), False God by Taylor Swift, Human and Divine by Lynda Carter (not so sure about this one, tbh), The Joker and The Queen by Taylor Swift ft. Ed Sheeran, Labyrinth by Taylor Swift, Life Vest by The Material, Rescue Me (How The Story Ends) by Kerrie Roberts, Seven Devils by Florence + the Machine, Shatter Me by Lindsay Sterling ft. Lzzy Hale, Soldier by Fleurie and Tommee Profitt, Sweet Nothing by Taylor Swift, Take Me to Church by Hozier, This Is The Hunt by Ruelle, Tomorrow We Fight by Tommee Profitt and SVRCINA, Walk Through the Fire by Zayde Wolf and Ruelle, Warrior by Beth Crowley, Warriors by Imagine Dragons, The Way I Was (from "Jem and the Holograms" movie by Aubrey Peeples, We Go Down Together by Dive Cameron and Khalid, Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey (I prefer the DH orchestral version, but the regular also works).

What do you think?

I THINK YOU HAVE GIFTED ME A TREASURE TROVE, MY FRIEND, LOOK AT ALL THESE SONGS. And I know this shit is gonna be GOOD because I both have a couple of these already on the playlist and because a bunch of these artists make appearances with others songs! AKA, THESE WILL FIT RIGHT IN because apparently we've got a TRT hivemind going on and I fucking LOVE IT.

Thank you SO MUCH! I'm going to drop these onto the playlist!

(and for anyone looking, these are all going onto the official playlist that can be found here! Feel free to listen or browse at your leisure; it's about 50% reader-recommended songs at present, and there are a bunch of other fan-made playlists around spotify, too, so I encourage poking around!)

[colorlesschristmastree]

I was wondering who ran the justfeysand acc? it’s no longer active & i loved that account for us feyre girlies 😭 or queerincrisis too who i used to love. i’ll never forget when of the coolest people deactivated from fandom and their name was hotdiscodauce ..wherever you are hotdiscosauce feyre girls miss you. cant even blame people for saying “fuck this” lmao. i love feyre too much to crumble though so i suffer thru the toxicity of this fandom just to ride for my girl !!

the only thing that could make me inactive is if she doesn’t do shit in hofas while nesta’s mid self gets a pov while also being randomly paired with bryce when really that should be feyre. if the pregnancy ends up as a plot device to sideline her or the bargain i know ill be pissed and leave. especially if she has no cute scenes with bryce. just bc they aren’t that similar doesn’t mean i want to see bryce with nesta and bryce of all characters. and it better not just be rhys in the spotlight for hofas with amren sjm since only they know the language

Hiii! So sorry for responding late to this but I actually have the answers to your ails! Justfeysand was ran by my sweet sweet moot who has just become a little busy and less interested in SJM recently. Fear not though my dear anon for she is still here in the form of @moonfyre-s!! Aggressively defending our high lady Feyre and also giving us some darklina and miscellaneous content.

And the lovely aqueerincrisis is still here as well!! You can find them dishing out their hot takes on @acourtofcriticalthinking! Dw nonnie, our love for Feyre will always be there even as our interests and lives change :)

Honestly I'm very aware of the fact that I haven't been as active lately and I feel really bad about it, I still do reblogs and such but I just haven't been making as much original content recently. I've been trying to cut down on the anti content I post here and keep more of my criticisms in the Feyre server, I don't have a lot of energy to actually argue on here like I used to so I just talk my shit over there. Once cc3 comes out and I get Feyre crumbs though I swear I will be back to yapping, I just need more juice for my inspiration to come to me.

Some people in the Feyre server and I might be rereading the series after we've all wrapped up cc3 though so I'll def make some content during that. :) And I completely agree with everything you said, I don't really care that Nesta is going to be talking with Bryce as it is just a bonus chapter and I'm of the belief those genuinely aren't that important and only exist for marketing and to possibly build some excitement about certain things, I just hope that during their brief time in cc3 all of the acotar characters Feyre get treated well and we get some interesting scenes from them.

I'm not really a fan of cc3 theories that put one acotar character as objectively more important than others in the grander scheme of the SJM multiverse. I think they're all just cogs in one large machine and all these theories saying "X character is actually going to be the key player because of Y reasons!" is always silly to me. Tbh I'm not really a huge fan of the acotar characters becoming things outside of the context of their own universe/stories (if that makes sense)? Why can't they just be helping Bryce out? Why must one of them secretly be the key to everything? Or the Mother? Or the CC gods? Or a prince of Hel? BLAH!

anyways I got off track! It's so sweet that you noticed those two blogs were missing and they were both very touched when I told them I had an anon reach out to inquire about their wellbeing. You're a sweetheart!

[applejuicetastesgood]

I just finished Morning Star and have no idea how to feel about Virginia keeping Little Pax a secret from Darrow. Like he didn’t get to hold him as a baby or watch his first steps and hear his first words. Like……… this feels like a violation of his parental rights and feels very reminiscent of Eo not telling him she was pregnant and then intentionally getting hung. Like, Ladies, those were his kids too, he’s got some rights here. Please, tell me if I’m insane or over thinking this. Perhaps, as a fellow fan for a longer period of time, you have more developed thoughts on this? (Also, your master post says you’re to be called Mr Apple and a gay/boy-kisser but your bio says she/her, is this fully accurate? What would you prefer to be identified as?)

Oohooo my first Red Rising related ask…

I’m currently about a qauter to half the way through dark age (2 books ahead) so my memory of morning star and the books before is abit foggy, but alas, I shall try my best for you.

RIGHT! *claps hands together*

I believe that mustang didn’t tell Darrow simply for the reason that she knew that if she did, he’d change.

Not in a bad way, but he’s soften, he’d want to be around her and his new born child and if we’re being completely honest, that is not ideal in the middle of a war.

I can see why you feel this way towards it, tbh, I wasn’t a massive fan either. But it’s good to realise the context.

Since red rising Darrow has literally been a machine of war, sure he’s regretted stuff and he’s human and he is capable of expressing others feelings but. The vast majority of the time he’s been like a bulldozer. So, if you then tell that bulldozer they have a child mid way through trying to win a war…. That bulldozer is more likely to think less about the war and more about his lil kiddo.

So, I think it is kind of shitty because in a way she hid information from him. But also it’s very understandable why, at least in my opinion.

In regards to Eo?… ehhhhhhh… I really can’t remember much about her apart from the fact she was literally just a child who wanted the end of gold and she’s what started Darrow on the war path. Why she didn’t tell him she was pregnant? Most likely because she knew what she was doing was dangerous and could foresee her own death. Maybe she didn’t want to tell him because she didn’t want to make her eventual death even worse.

Oh god.. can you imagine if he found out literally just as he pulled her feet?? I’m imaging some split reality where Darrow still becomes a gold, but instead of going through the institute and “rising” he literally fucking (again with the bulldozer metaphor) bulldozers through EVERYONE without literally a spec of help.

No Sevro, no Mickey, no Pax , no Mustang.

Just. Nero, dead, the jackal, dead, Octavia au lune.. DEAD

So either, Darrow literally goes full god and kills everyone with zero help

OR

he attempts this and dies.. he dies pretty quickly and the books are just about a angry child trying his best to get revenge only to be swiped down by the sword of his oppressors.. MWAH!!

( ohh my master post, I’ve edited it now but I’m trying out she/her pronouns for abit to see how they fit! (Possibly 🏳️‍⚧️ moment ) )

[gontagokuhara]

Also I was thinking about that one ask someone made in like 2019 when you said nagito had a shitlist that makoto and byakuya were on bc they're gay people he doesn't respect and I was like WHYYY im literally so used to nagito being up makoto's arse in both canon/fanon it was surprising!!! Also peep the nagito with hooves reference to Mr brunner in that post

Like since I went through the old asks earlier today idk if you were serious about it but nagito with hooves is quite literally just Mr tumnus and I kept laughing at the imagery while I was at work Ngl I was procrastinating on the 4 quizzes and 1 test I have tomorrow by reading some of the old pointy objects asks 💀

okay last thing I just wanna say I can't remember who named gonta but to me it was so unhinged and random so it was probably nagito wasn't it LMFAO also the idea of baby baby gonta literally makes me want to cry please keep doing him right in this fic PLEASE😭 okay that's it BYEE

Okay I just wanna say idk what rantaro looks like when his power is activated but I cannot imagine anything other than a That's So Raven mid-sentence freeze where he looks like the "Monday left me broken" cat. Just like "yeah so anyway I was—👁👁...." and shuichi has just,,,, never questioned it LMFAOO

hiiiiii <3 when i saw this last night i ALSO went deep in the pointy objects tag to find the asks ur referencing but also a littol trip down memory lane ahead of getting started writing. we all know the drill by now all of my ramblings are below the cut <3

first of all (because u sent this one first) ur very right about shuuichi being a little bit of a bozo wrt: noticing rantarou's having a Precog Moment. he's (rantarou) has grown pretty used to getting hit with brief flashes of the future, so he's pretty good at maintaining a poker face when he's struck by one. we see it the sliiiightest bit way back in ch1 while rantarou is driving, and in the middle of speaking he is hit with a vision — it's not something he elaborates on but he does see more or less what ends up happening once the monsters rush the car. naturally makoto and byakuya are good at sussing out when he's having one — and as a very heavy aside, it was a vision of him and shuuichi as best buddies his first day of school that had him pursuing the friendship so ardently, and ultimately got them where they are now. brothers <3

and yes back to those asks!!! they are up to like.....jesus christ late-2019 was over 4 years ago at this point so THEREfore so are the asks. that said, in reading over them all again i don't think there's anything i said way back when that doesn't hold at least slightly true currently (with one exception, being the mystery poly relationship ending, and that's more to do with issues i foresee in incorporating it into the fic itself in a way that makes sense). the ones about nagito though? DEFINITELY still bang all this time later

which leads me into: your questions! there is definitely a level of respect nagito allows towards makoto (byakuya....not So much LOL) but when you know a guy for thousands and thousands and thousands of years.....and he marries the obnoxious rich guy in what is so *obviously* a downgrade for a big five god like himself (not unlike how nagito at least somewhat views hajime as having somewhat "settled" for nagito; i could go on and on about the inner machinations of po!nagito i love that stupid fuck for how comparatively little he's on-screen)...............nagito is a little disappointed. even all this time later. he is not byakuya's biggest fan LMFAO

tbh so much of my early answers on nagito (aside from how he was actually Present the first few chapters, so it made sense) stem directly from the fact he (+ shuuichi) are the direct inspiration for pointy objects as a whole. specifically this video, which i credit ch1 as being the catalyst for pointy objects becoming.......well almost 200k and counting. shuuichi as percy's counterpart and nagito as dionysus the unpaid, eternally cursed camp counselor (with hajime as mr brunner, thankfully hoofless) was the starting point for pointy objects FOR sure, and it's just expanded quite a lot past that over all this time. that video jumpstarted the idea in my sister (who handed it over to me pretty much from the get-go), and the pjo musical is what i loosely structured the lore/plot around, but i think the observations i've heard from readers that pointy objects does well at expanding well past the boundaries of the source material hold true! if you do happen to take a peek at the linked video, though: pretty much the whole of ch2 was very heavily inspired by the song which i think is obvious on reread. that sprite edit started it all fr thank you youtube user evie

and yes: it was nagito who found and subsequently named gonta! 8 years and counting of gonta being camp's designated favorite by literally everybody (nagito) (hajime) (most of the campers) (the mioda triplets) (me, connorlizabeth bazwrites). as is probably obvious [gestures at my entire tumblr] i am gontas #1 ride or die, he's my pride and joy, and i will definitely continue having fun with po!gonta TRUST <3 in the spirit of not saying too much ill leave it at.........gonta enjoyers. we are going to eat good.

[crehador]

brother crab’s 2023 seasonals in review: summer

surprisingly easy to rank season for me, so i'll get right to it

anime of the season + runner-up for summer goes to...

undead girl murder farce and zom 100: zombie ni naru made ni shitai 100 no koto! nothing else even came close

i'm giving ugmf anime of the season because i personally vibed with it a lot (murder mysteries with a rakugo flair + arsene lupin trying to fuck the phantom of the opera in the background you really cannot go wrong) and also because zom100 has yet to release its last few episodes

zom100 is such a consistently solid show, though, that even without seeing the full cour i'm prepared to give it runner-up of the season. and it's honestly a strong contender for anime of the year. the first episode especially... i would rank it even higher than the first ep of oshi no ko tbh

lots of sequels this season as well!

horimiya, bleach, jjk, and bsd. some new snv came out this season as well but since i binged all that at once it doesn't really feel like a sequel to me

anyway easily sequel of the season goes to bleach, largely because of nostalgia won't deny that but also because it's just that fucking good

horimiya however was also an immense delight! gonna miss these wacky kids :')

quickfire thoughts on everything else:

watashi no shiawase na kekkon is the shoujo of the year, there's been a lot of cute stuff lately but nothing comes close to watakon

vending machine isekai was fine and occasionally funny, but kinda shocked it got a sequel announced already. worldbuilding was definitely the most interesting part and i hope we see more of it in s2

dekiru n eko way kyou mo yuuutsu was absolutely perfect, very fun and cute and soothing

okashi na tensei had a promising premise which it failed to lean into, there was little to no BAKING in this BAKING anime jfc

lv1 maou to one room yuusha seemed like your run of the mill shitty ecchi but actually it's NONBINARY OLD MAN YAOI?! and was kinda good. dumb, but fun

ai no idenshi was... well it was episodic which i like, generally, but it really. was not consistent. some good pieces, some not so good. some interesting, some not so interesting. main failing is it really did not imo balance its 'main' plot with its mini-stories well at all

ayaka was fun! it doesn't really hold a candle to k project like at all but at least it was not as bad as praeter lmao

synduality noir (first cour) was alright. nothing to write home about but a decent enough mecha. as far as anime that are game ads go... i'd say it's okay. a little more interesting than takt op to me, though not as visually stunning. and not as compelling as god eater

hyakushou kizoku was a tv short adapting arakawa hiromu's autobiographical farming manga and it was such a delight lol, especially fun if you're a fan of fma or silver spoon. explains so much about ed tbh

hi no tori: eden no sora was a 4-ep ona that i quite liked overall... ending was just so-so to me i guess

dark gathering isn't quite over still but it's fine as a horror that's heavy on the gore (gorror? is that a thing) actually. probably better than fine, it's just not my genre. some of the stories are definitely more gripping than others, but yeah solid horror overall and really good cast (yandere hanakana what could be better)

helck is also still going but has been really solid, way more enjoyable than i'd imagined. it has an 80s feel to it that i love

and last but certainly not least shuumatsu no valkyrie ii part 2 gives us GYARU FUCKBOI BUDDHA once again. what could be better lmao

MOVING ON

op of the season goes to zom100's song of the dead by kana-boon! the song itself is a banger and the way the op changes from episode to episode makes it even better

HOWEVER this was not an easy choice lol bleach and even jjk both came in with strong contenders as well

ed of the season goes to heclk's statice by saji! it just. ough. right in the feels

this was not a very blorbo or ship heavy season for me but i have to just repeat ARSENE LUPIN. AND THE PHANTOM. OF THE OPERA. one day i will circle back to this lol

[roxie-roo]

I have some songs for the ask thing! (I tried to think of songs that I love that you probably haven't heard and will maybe like :] )

Bird Song by Florence and the Machine

Stalker tango by Auto heart

Guns for hire by Woodkid

Pork Soda by Glass Animals

The Wolf by Siamese

:] <3

<3 hi love

Bird Song - couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

OH I've heard part of this before!!! God I forgot how much i love her voice. These drums are doing it for me tbh, love this shit!!! This is,, oh this is gonna end up going on my Jimmy playlist. Thanks babe/lh <3

Stalker Tango -

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

Already love this song like any other selfrespecting mcyt fan <3 I love these fucking drums

Guns For Hire - couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

of course you give me an arcane song/lh

Oooooh this voice is so cool! I like this !! Very eerie and spooky! I like it!

Pork Soda - couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

I was Not expecting that for the opening notes but alright then! I'm not sure how I feel about it? I like it but I'm not super vibing with it like I was with the others? Idk, but it's pretty good!

The Wolf - couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

OH HELLO I LIKE THIS!!!! THIS IS A VIBE!!! I LIKE THIS >:]

[sagemoderocklee]

questions for fic writers 8, 13 and 24?

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

god so many songs. i tend to gravitate towards Florence+the Machine songs for GaaLee fics. Thirteen Strokes is inspired by a F+M song, so is Deadweight. Eagle's Augury. Absolution wasn't originally inspired by an F+M song but Bedroom Hymns is very much an Absolution song. I also have used some Vienna Teng songs, The Art of Love and Flyweight Love (funny they both have love in the title).

but yeah im such a fan of taking songs and using them as inspo for a fic.

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

mhmm i guess like very fandom specific trope but gaara being like inexperienced. got very sick and tired of the very gross way people treated him and i just got to a point where i saw his character in such a way that i just didnt vibe with this idea that Gaara would be this desexualized person. like he's got a shit load of trauma to unpack and obviously trauma can greatly impact sex drive but i think it's just... infantilizing the way people will turn Gaara into this like inexperienced, blushy virgin who has somehow never heard of sex even though he's the literal leader of his village. and yea im lookin at that stupid filler ep too where he was like 'damn i dont know anything about weddings, me the leader of a village i have never been to a single wedding once before in my life' like please that's so stupid

so anyways yeah my vendetta against Gaara being desexualized and infantalized turned into me being like actually no Gaara fucks and i think it works with him really well actually (wouldn't do it the way i do otherwise tbh)

24. Are there any easter eggs in [insert fic], and if so, what are they?

God so many. You could pick any of my canon set fics and find an easter egg in them because all my canon set stuff is essentially just me expanding on my worldbuilding so it's all connected anyways. love putting in references to Gyokukakushin. Easter egg in Absolution Ruri (not Shikamaru and Temari's daughter), the fried abalone lady from TAoL shows up for the festival in chapter 2. she's not mentioned by name just to avoid confusion with ShikaTema's daughter, Ruri, but that's one. RtS obviously has a whole thing about Gyokukakushin in it. sometimes i make other references to fics in other fics, or in AUs i'll make lil jokes about them shinobi or have a nod towards that like in Kado where they go to that ninja themed restaurant.

i honestly have a lot of fun putting in lil nods to things i did in other fics even if no one ever notices.

and there's a small easter egg to one of @ghoste-catte fics is in RtS. Lee's lover letter to Gaara, which is finally seen in Ch10 ends with Lee mentioning superblooms which was very much an intentional a nod to Greyson, though i dont think they picked up on that at the time lol so now you know if you didn't before!

[lesbianlenas]

ok i lied i’m going to listen to the rest rn i’m just going to skip thru them a little bc i have to go to bed maybe i will give them a second listen in a few days or smth but anyway.

the black dog: ok hold on perhaps i like this one the way the music went when she said screaming ok…..smth interesting taylor??? this one was pretty good better than most of the songs on the og album lmfao 8/10

imgonnagetyouback: this sounds exactly like some other taylor swift song but it’s not bad it actually like has character to it and is enjoyable to listen to 😩 7/10

the albatross: this song is just ok but what i like abt it vs the songs on the og album that were slower is that she is not doing the breathy vocals and is actually singing w her whole voice so it’s immediately more engaging 6/10

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus: feel similar abt this as i did to the last one. again way better than the slow songs in the original. 6/10

how did it end: i like the use of the piano in this song not a big fan of the song itself but i like the use of a different sound here. otherwise kind of boring 4/10

so high school: oh god she’s doing the breathy voice again 😭 i was like oh an interesting sound? and then the vocals i’m like ok 😩 i just think this sounds like so many of her other songs 5/10

i hate it here: this is ok i might like this better if i listened to it while looking at the lyrics but yeah 4/10

thank you aimee: funny of her to make a kim k diss track so many yrs after the incident lol look what you made me do is vastly superior maybe that’s controversial to say….i do like that this is smth much different lyrically and there is some nice variation in it 7.5/10

i look in people’s windows: ok back to the breathy singing 😔 i skipped thru like this whole song it sounds like so many of the other ones i heard this already 3/10

the prophecy: this is whatever. not very interesting maybe i would like it better if i was reading the lyrics 4/10

cassandra: here’s the thing. cassandra by florence + the machine is one of my favorite songs of all time so the fact that she ft her on the album and then called a song this is immediately going to make me compare them and it isn’t going to compare bc taylor is not on the same level artistically as florence is 😩 yeah this is not cassandra by florence for sure lmfao. i don’t hate it tho it’s nice actually. i feel like she could have done smth more interesting musically w this one tho. 7/10

peter: this sounds like so many other of her songs 😩 like girl you can’t just make so many songs w the same sounds 😭 i like the use of the piano on this one also tho and the bridge is nice and is really good vocally from her 4/10

the bolter: this again sounds like a lot of her other songs but it’s at least p engaging and the bridge and the chorus are nice 6/10

robin: too slow for me but she sounds really good vocally on this one vs the songs where she is very breathy so i like that. also liked the ending. again would be better if i was looking at the lyrics probably. if i was objective i’d probably give this one a higher rating but i’m not 5/10

the manuscript: i like the opening of this w the piano keys….i do not like this lyrically tbh. these lyrics are like why are you reiterating a convo like this. it’s like she’s reading a diary entry to music or smth i just think it’s kind of clunky. despite it being slow if i didn’t dislike the lyrics i would give this a way higher rating i think the music on this one is beautiful. if it was better lyrically i prob would have loved this. 4/10

final thoughts: these songs were way more varied than the original songs i wouldn’t say any of these sounded like another one of these despite several of them sounding like other songs of hers these definitely weren’t like you could splice these all together into one song. i think some of these def should have been on the og album instead. but the same issues from what i said before still stand holistically. anyway goodnight.

[dancing-to-architecture]

41 - Otis Redding - Otis Blue

Welp, all I know of Otis Redding is "(Sitting On) The Dock of the Bay" and that he wrote Respect before Aretha covered it and effectively made it hers.

Wikipedia says this is (paraphrased) mostly a cover album. Otherwise, I'm going in blind on this one.

•Ole Man Trouble-

It's ostensibly a blues album, and this is an amazing first track; a blues song about getting stuck in the dumps again and again and again. Fuck Ole Man Trouble.

All my homies hate Ole Man Trouble.

Those horns are hot, though! Hoping for a lot more of that coming up.

•Respect-

Okay, I was expecting this, but this version is just WEIRD. The pieces are there, but it's subtly wrong. Lukewarm take: Aretha did it WAY better. This song works so much better as a feminist anthem than it does like this, it's very 'better have my dinner ready when I walk in the door'.

•A Change Is Gonna Come-

Hearing this man's beaten-down and bedraggled optimism about how things have to get better for the black community despite living though a particularly dark part of America's history gave me a bit of hope that, yeah, things have got to get better.

Then, I think about my racist, fascist governor and I can't stop myself from thinking: "well, not fuckin yet, I guess."

Then, I lose myself in thinking about pushing Ronathan Desantis into the industrial crushing machine from the end of 30 Days of Night, and I get just a bit happier.

It's legitimately soul-destroying to think that it's been so long since this song was written and we've gotten to "no no, you see, slavery was good actually because it taught them valuable skills!" and that kinda makes me want to slit my fucking wrists

This country sucks shit.

•Down in the Valley-

As if he knew the last song was gonna be A Bummer, this one is basically "oh yeah, shit SUCKS, but those motherfuckers can't stop us from dancing, even if it's just to spite them."

That said, I really like it. A breath of fresh air.

•I've Been Loving You Too Long-

My man, she's gone. She's checked the fuck out.

She wants out, you said as much. Let her go.

I get that you feel like you can't let go, but you're being the Crab in the goddamn Bucket right now.

(For real, it sucks to be in a one-sided relationship but let them go if they want to leave, and you'll both be happier eventually for it.)

•Shake-

This song has some SERIOUS energy to it. Funky as hell, and the horns are working overtime. If this doesn't make you want to move, you're broken.

I bet this one was a killer at a live set.

•My Girl-

I was initially going to say that this sounds wrong without the Temptation's back-up singers, but the horns actually work pretty well in their place.

Also, god DAMN, the man could sing.

A beautiful cover. I almost like it more than the original, tbh.

•Wonderful World-

Was expecting trees of green and red roses, too, aaaaaaaand now all I can think about is Animal House, a now deeply problematic fave from my younger years. (But still not nearly as problematic as Revenge of the Nerds.)

(For those who aren't familiar, this was a featured song in that film, iirc the last song of the movie that plays over the epilogues.)

I definitely relate to this song though, as I also don't remember much about the French i took, either.

Possibly the most upbeat song so far.

•Rock Me Baby-

2001. Junior year history class taught by one of my all-time favorite teachers: Mr. Bradish.

This song was the given example of how creative people could get around the strict censorship laws in the mid-century like the Hayes code.

"Well, we can't say 'i want you to screw me all night long', but these dipshit honky record executives don't exactly understand what we mean by the word 'rock', they're just snapping their fingers, so we're good."

I simply cannot divorce this song from that moment in time.

That said, A SERIOUS blues guitar solo, hot damn.

•(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction-

To be totally on the level, I was always more of a Beatles fan than a Stones fan.

That said, this cover FUCKING SLAPS!

In a perfect world, this song would be known as an Otis Redding song.

•You Don't Miss Your Water-

The inverse of I've Been Loving You Too Long, and the return of: "Aww, man I've been such a gigantic cheating prick it's been so great, wait, why is my girl leaving me? [Surprised_pikachu.jpg]"

I seriously CAN'T believe how common a subject that has been during this project.

Well, that was an interesting album, all in all. Otis Redding had one hell of a voice, and it's on full display here.

Definitely worth checking out, especially since it's a quick one at like 35 minutes long.

Favorite Track: (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction. It's amazing how much better this song can seem when it's not being sneered at you by a quasi-noncey British multi-millionaire. It comes off much less like the diatribe of a jaded douche when it comes from Otis.

Least Favorite Track: You Don't Miss Your Water.

Yeah, maybe I'm a dyed in the wool wife-guy, but I will never, ever be a fan of the nigh-omnipresent "I'm an asshole, I'm a cheater, wait a minute, why doesn't my partner like me anymore?" song.

[sheikah]

Ok so of course it couldn’t go off completely without a hitch because it is ME we’re talking about here lmao. So they were about a half hour behind schedule, right? So I’d been waiting about 40 mins, drinking water, panicking. So I had to go pee. I simply had to. And when I got back in my room there is Ben freaking Barnes’ face up on my Zoom WAITING FOR ME. GOD. THE SHAME. Anyway he was really cool and funny about it. When I sat down he said, “Well, hello,” in like a scolding, teasing, you-were-being-naughty voice, and he was laughing and I was laughing so in a way it’s good this happened because it broke all the ice IMMEDIATELY. He then told me, “I LOVE your hair.” Just instantly and with such emphasis. A WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was blushing so much please????

He asked where I was and I thought he meant like... the room I was in. Because we have a homemade arcade machine in the office right behind me and people always comment on it on Zoom calls so we talked about that for a second and then he clarified like where I am geographically and I said Louisiana and he went on about how he loves New Orleans (SAME, MARRY ME!!!!!!) and it’s one of his favorite places in the world and he started to tell me some story of visiting Nola with his parents and then cut himself off and said, “You don’t need to hear this story,” and internally I was screaming, YES I DO I NEED TO LEARN EVERYTHING I CAN ABOUT MY FUTURE IN-LAWS. Then he mentioned the Creole food and the street music and I used this as an opportunity to gushingly tell him he would fit in great there because he’s such a brilliant musician. I hope he appreciated that lmao.

Then he asked how I was doing and if I had questions. I answered honestly: that I was still kind of freaking out that I was late to this huge moment I’ve been looking forward to lmao. He laughed it off and said it was ok and they would add more time at the end (I was honestly less than one min late). 

So I just told him I was a huge fan, had followed his work a lot over the past two years but first discovered him when I was a teenager working at a movie theater and saw Caspian and loved it, how I would drag my friends to watch it between busy times on the clock. He said he was jealous of my movie theater job and that he was a waiter at an Italian restaurant back then and hated it, and I concurred that service industry is the worst lol.

I told him the Darkling was my favorite character and that he gave us book fans everything we could want and more, and thanked him for his thoughtful portrayal and for caring so much, and he seemed really grateful and sweet about it.

Then I said that my question was about books, and that I was an English professor. He was really surprised by this and asked, “Really????” So I said that I taught at my local college and in a lot of ways it’s my dream job to be able to teach the stories I love. And he sort of spaced out for a second and then was like, “I’m sorry, I’m just thinking about how much I love that you said that. That you have your dream job. That’s amazing.” LISTEN, it took everything in me not to instantly propose marriage at this moment like I was tearing up ok. I LOVE THIS MAN.

So anyway, I said, “I bring all this up because I know you were also an English lit major. So English major to English major, what’s you’re favorite book?" And he launched into this great talk about Atonement and how it makes him cry (Jesus save me, I was smiling so hard right here to hide the tears lmao) and then talked about this book called Birdsong that he’d done a stage adaptation for, and said that was probably his favorite. Then the lady tried to cut us off and end it, but he said no and asked for ME to recommend a book to him. The first one I could think of that I’d read recently that I think he might like is The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue so I went with that. And he wrote it down.

Then the moderator lady who showed up did a screenshot for us, and I asked if we could pose with “Darkling hands” like that scene in the Fold. He said yes! I am allowed to post that so I will when they send it.

Then HE thanked ME as if he didn’t just singlehandedly fill my body with enough serotonin for a lifetime, said, “Kristen, you’re such a sweetheart,” and left. And now I just have to try to... go about the rest of my day as if THAT didn’t just happen. Wow.

Tbh I’m so insanely grateful because I only paid for one meeting, which is three mins. But he talked to me for six mins!

I didn’t think I could love this man any more than I already did. AND YET