#proud of myself for even remembering what i watched lol

[crehador]

brother crab’s 2023 seasonals in review: summer

surprisingly easy to rank season for me, so i'll get right to it

anime of the season + runner-up for summer goes to...

undead girl murder farce and zom 100: zombie ni naru made ni shitai 100 no koto! nothing else even came close

i'm giving ugmf anime of the season because i personally vibed with it a lot (murder mysteries with a rakugo flair + arsene lupin trying to fuck the phantom of the opera in the background you really cannot go wrong) and also because zom100 has yet to release its last few episodes

zom100 is such a consistently solid show, though, that even without seeing the full cour i'm prepared to give it runner-up of the season. and it's honestly a strong contender for anime of the year. the first episode especially... i would rank it even higher than the first ep of oshi no ko tbh

lots of sequels this season as well!

horimiya, bleach, jjk, and bsd. some new snv came out this season as well but since i binged all that at once it doesn't really feel like a sequel to me

anyway easily sequel of the season goes to bleach, largely because of nostalgia won't deny that but also because it's just that fucking good

horimiya however was also an immense delight! gonna miss these wacky kids :')

quickfire thoughts on everything else:

watashi no shiawase na kekkon is the shoujo of the year, there's been a lot of cute stuff lately but nothing comes close to watakon

vending machine isekai was fine and occasionally funny, but kinda shocked it got a sequel announced already. worldbuilding was definitely the most interesting part and i hope we see more of it in s2

dekiru n eko way kyou mo yuuutsu was absolutely perfect, very fun and cute and soothing

okashi na tensei had a promising premise which it failed to lean into, there was little to no BAKING in this BAKING anime jfc

lv1 maou to one room yuusha seemed like your run of the mill shitty ecchi but actually it's NONBINARY OLD MAN YAOI?! and was kinda good. dumb, but fun

ai no idenshi was... well it was episodic which i like, generally, but it really. was not consistent. some good pieces, some not so good. some interesting, some not so interesting. main failing is it really did not imo balance its 'main' plot with its mini-stories well at all

ayaka was fun! it doesn't really hold a candle to k project like at all but at least it was not as bad as praeter lmao

synduality noir (first cour) was alright. nothing to write home about but a decent enough mecha. as far as anime that are game ads go... i'd say it's okay. a little more interesting than takt op to me, though not as visually stunning. and not as compelling as god eater

hyakushou kizoku was a tv short adapting arakawa hiromu's autobiographical farming manga and it was such a delight lol, especially fun if you're a fan of fma or silver spoon. explains so much about ed tbh

hi no tori: eden no sora was a 4-ep ona that i quite liked overall... ending was just so-so to me i guess

dark gathering isn't quite over still but it's fine as a horror that's heavy on the gore (gorror? is that a thing) actually. probably better than fine, it's just not my genre. some of the stories are definitely more gripping than others, but yeah solid horror overall and really good cast (yandere hanakana what could be better)

helck is also still going but has been really solid, way more enjoyable than i'd imagined. it has an 80s feel to it that i love

and last but certainly not least shuumatsu no valkyrie ii part 2 gives us GYARU FUCKBOI BUDDHA once again. what could be better lmao

MOVING ON

op of the season goes to zom100's song of the dead by kana-boon! the song itself is a banger and the way the op changes from episode to episode makes it even better

HOWEVER this was not an easy choice lol bleach and even jjk both came in with strong contenders as well

ed of the season goes to heclk's statice by saji! it just. ough. right in the feels

this was not a very blorbo or ship heavy season for me but i have to just repeat ARSENE LUPIN. AND THE PHANTOM. OF THE OPERA. one day i will circle back to this lol

[saintslewis]

❝ in the end ❞

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x black fem! driver reader

summary: two childhood best friends that the world absolutely fell in love with but are they ever going to fall in love with each other?

warnings: swearing, cussing, reader age description

saint’s notes: another indirect request from the lovely @bbymelsworld about the knight in mercedes armour, lewis! i hope you everyone enjoys this and sorry for typos!

taglist: @thisismeracing

social media au.

yourusername

liked by lewishamilton, zendaya and 8,738,938 others

yourusername thank you Bahrain, until next time 🩷

view comments

user i need the both of them in a way that is concerning to feminism

user ayo????

user MOTHER AND FATHER

user how the fuck are you 36 and you better tell me all your secrets

yourusername i have a youth fountain in my backyard, srry 😣

user what i wanna know is how you kept this friendship for 20 YEARS?!

icebox we absolutely loved making your matching grillz! we can’t wait for the next visit ❤️

landonorris thanks for the overtake on the track, mum🫶🏽

yourusername you’re very welcome, son 🥰

yourfriend cuteeeee 😋

liked by yourusername

lewishamilton now why is that picture on here?

yourusername bc you were so excited to talk about dinosaurs to someone other than me

lewishamilton is that why you took my credit card? 😭

yourusername thank you for my new wigs btw 🤭🫶🏽

lewishamilton did you at least get a pink one like i’ve been waiting for?

yourusername and platinum blonde

lewishamilton all is forgiven, sweetie

user do they know that they’re in love or?

user i’m just waiting for the soft launch tbh

fan that’s at least half a million on her wrist lol

mercedesamgf1 we’re super proud of you! 🥳

liked by yourusername

fan girl, you hidin these archives of Lew to yourself???

yourusername they gotta be used at the right time so basically, yes ❤️

twitter

lewishamilton

liked by f1, georgerussell63 and 3,838,919 others

lewishamilton :) ❤️

view comments

user oh that’s not-

fan i love you but please be so fucking fr

neymarjr congrats bro! 🫵🏽❤️

user ofc you would know a thing or two about this, loser

user isn’t she that one influencer who started some shit on a sponsored trip because the person paired with her was black?

user are you starting shit or are you being serious?

user so serious, i remember seeing this trend on tiktok

hisgirlfriend ❤️

liked by lewishamilton

user so he’s not even going to reply to her damn comment? 😭

user it’s bc these two aren’t meant to be 😭

user why are people being so mean in the comments? let him live

fan this is upsetting me and my homegirls DEEPLY

fan #lewisandyn4eva

fan #lewisandyn4eva

fan #lewisandyn4eva

badgalriri #lewisandyn4eva

user RIHANNA?!

ynfan ik y/n’s heart is so broken, they were endgame

ynfan lewis better watch his back fr

yourusername

liked by arianagrande, sza and 5,828,829 others

yourusername time to myself + a little treat for myself

view comments

user GYATTTT

lilymhe HELLO????

yourusername hi Lily 😋

user ‘a little treat’ and it’s a g wagon, oh to be y/n 😫

champagnepapi i needa learn the basics of f1

yourusername LMFAOOOOO

fan omg he didn’t even like the picture, what have we come to?

fan the heartbreak we’re having

charles_leclerc hey y/n, wanna go to a museum?

yourusername do you think they have a cry room there?

centralcee woah

user DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT

michaelbjordan 😫

user SHE’S COLLECTING THESE MEN LIKE POKÉMON LMAOOOOO

prada 🥰🤍

carlossaniz55 mi madre says hi

yourusername hi Mama Sainz 😋

user not Drake literally reposting this and putting the ring emoji????

user he delulu just like us omg

sza i would quit my job for you if you asked

yourusername SZA NO DON’T

beyonce ❤️

“Lewis Hamilton has broken up with influencer girlfriend, sources say.”

three months later

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, pharrell and 9,252,739 others

yourusername you’ve been hiding in plain sight then appeared, oh i know 🤍

view comments

lewishamilton i love you so much, my princess ❤️

yourusername i love you and btw i left you some stir fry for when you get back ❤️

zendaya FUCKING FINALLY

landonorris WEDDING WHEN

lewishamilton we actually eloped last month but we’re planning the official wedding :)

user THEY LITERALLY DATED FOR LIKE TWO MONTHS AFTER THAT AND NOW THEY’RE MARRIED?!

user how are they married after two months?? that’s so short

user they’ve literally been best friends for 20+ years…

cleosol so grateful to be part of the proposal, love you two

liked by yourusername

user THE PINK WIG REFERENCE OMGGGG

user now THIS is friends to lovers done perfectly

user Lewis and Y/n, did you two get podium because you two just got married? 🤨

lewishamilton yes.

yourusername yes and because we’re amazing drivers

pharrell congratulations you two! 🤍

marsaimartin MY PARENTS Y’ALL

landonorris actually, they’re my parents 🫤

marsaimartin did they ever pick you up from school?

landonorris yourusername pls confirm this????

yourusername 🫣

lewishamilton • 44 min

[midnightmoonytales]

𝕃𝕒𝕤𝕥 ℕ𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥 𝕄.ℝ.

CW: Toxic relationship, implied smut, fighting, cursing, alcohol, weed/cigarettes.

Based on request: @thesonglyricchick "I was wondering if you could do a fic with Mattheo and Y/n based on Morgan Wallen's song, Last Night."

A/N: This was actually extremely hard to write which is shocking for the number of douchebags I've dated (it's only 2 I'm being dramatic - as per use) lol I could definitely see myself re-writing this in the future I don’t feel like this is my best work

Not Edited

WC: 1.8K

<><><>

Slytherin had just won the quidditch cup against Gryffindor, cheers and boos soared all through the stands. Slytherin colors consumed the stands as green and silver confetti shot through the air. Mattheo, Theodore, and Draco could be seen high up in the sky celebrating, bubbling with a sense of accomplishment. This was the last year they could play quidditch together, and whom better to defeat than no other than Gryffindor themselves.

Pansy, Blaise, and you all rushed out of the stands to celebrate Slytherin's victory with your friends. Mounting the ground, Mattheo searched for you in the stands only to notice you rushing towards him on the field, quickly dropping his broom in order to catch you. Jumping into his sweaty arms, "You did it," you cheered, cupping his face between your hands, and kissing him repeatedly. "I'm so proud of you," laughing at the way your cherry lipgloss stained his lips.

"Only because I had my lucky charm cheering me on," He smirked, going in for another taste of your cherry lipgloss. Rolling your eyes, your heart fluttered, even if he had said it after every win since 5th year.

"Mmm, as much as I love kissing you," you mumbled into the kiss, "You need a shower and we have a celebration to attend," tapping his chest a few times, signaling to let you down. Reluctantly, he lowered you to the ground, not without placing one last kiss and a smack to the ass.

Last night we let the liquor talk. I can't remember everything we said, but we said it all. You told me that you wish I was somebody you never met. But baby, baby, something tellin' me this ain't over yet.

The Slytherin room was bustling with students, the sound of their chatter being drowned out by the sound of blasting music. The room was dark and hazy, the lights dimmed into a dark green, the mass amount of smoke making it seem as if someone brought a muggle fog machine.

In the corner, Pansy, Theodore, Mattheo, and you were crowded around a small table, playing some sort of muggle game. It was so simple, all you had to do was make it into the cup. You would think Theodore and Mattheo would be better at the game, seeing as they literally wack flying balls into hoops all of the time for sport; Unfortunately for them, Pansy and you were winning with only one cup left, compared to your four. Their annoyance is evident as they gulped down another cup of alcohol. Blaise and Draco bent over in laughter, watching the guys lose. Better those two idiots than them, they thought.

You managed to land the ball into the last cup, "Oh come on," Mattheo shouted defeatedly, chugging the last cup of alcohol on his side. Pansy latched onto you, jumping up and down, laughing together over your success. While you didn't have as many drinks as the boys; you were definitely feelin' a little bit of the effects. Theodore had already found his way to the couch Draco and Blaise were residing on, slouched over with his hand covering his eye.

"Hey, I'm going to grab another drink babes," you mumbled into Pansy's ear, "want anything?" You already knew what she wanted to drink, she always ordered the same thing, anything fruity with a kick. Squeezing your way through sweaty bodies, you made it to the drink table, pouring Pansy and yourself a drink.

"Hey," a voice said from behind you, looking around you noticed a Hufflepuff boy who Theodore got his weed from. You never cared to learn his name, there was never much reason to; Theodore bought the weed and you gave him the galleons for your share. You nodded at him, paying no mind to him as you went to continue pouring yourself a drink. "Hey," the voice said again, tapping your shoulder.

Rolling your eyes, "Can I help you?" His sluggish smile and heavy eyes gleamed at finally having your attention. All you wanted to do was get you and your best friend a drink, and he was stalling that process. Your eyes roamed around the room, looking for your boyfriend, only to see him talking to some girl; eyeing the way her hand was gliding up and down his arm. You hadn't even realized the boy in front of you was speaking, his voice drowning out with the music. "Hmm?" Your attention finally being back to the boy in front of you.

"I asked if you wanted to dance," He asked again, slightly annoyed that you weren't even listening to him. Your eyes scanned the boy in front of you; he wasn't bad looking, with long blonde hair that was shaped nicely around his rosy cheeks, a few inches taller than you, strong build. You debated the pros and cons in your head; if you agreed, Mattheo would be given a taste of his own medicine, plus maybe you could sweet-talk him into giving you some free weed. Downing your drink, you grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the dance floor.

Your body flowed smoothly; the music reverberated through your bones; the alcohol made you feel as if you were dancing on clouds. His hands moved inexperiencedly up and down your sides, You could tell he never danced with a girl before, and if he had....well, good for him, sorry for her.

You don't know how long you were dancing before you felt a hand yank you from the Hufflepuff boys' grip, "The fuck do you think you're doing?" Mattheo exclaimed, his eyes burning with rage, breath reeking of alcohol. Rolling your eyes, of course, he wanted to throw a fit now, but he would gladly let a girl be all over him.

"Dancing, what the fuck does it look like?" You snapped back, scoffing as you ripped your arm out of his hold, moving to return to the makeshift dance floor. "Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go back to enjoying myself," you shouted over the music, "So piss off back to your little bitch,"

It didn't take long for him to follow you, hot on your tail. "Don't you fucking take that tone with me," He growled, gripping your arm as he dragged you up to his dorm. It wasn't a surprise to you as he dragged you up the staircase to his dorm rather it was your normal; Pansy would always ask you-in private of course-why, you were still with him when all you did was fight. She wasn't wrong of course, the two of you would have a huge fight, only to break up, then get back together two days later.

Slamming his door open, he yanked you into the room only slam you against the wall, lips immediately attacking to your neck. Not caring to even cast a locking charm, the only thing flooding his mind was showing you who you belonged too. "Fuck you Riddle."

"Don't worry darling, you'll be doin' that soon," He bit your neck, lapping at the tiny drops of blood beading on your neck. "Now be a good whore and get on your knees," He smirked, shoving your shoulder down until your knees hit the freezing hardwood floor.

You, you know that you love to fight, and I say shit I don't mean, But I'm still goin' wake up wantin' you and me; No way it was our last night; No way it was the last night that we break up, You call your momma, I call your bluff, In the middle of the night, pull it right back up; I wouldn't trade your kind of love for nothin' else

It had been a fairly calm day until Mattheo had barged into your dorm, nose dripping with blood. All plans of doing your hair and nails with Pansy were thrown out the window when your disgruntled boyfriend marched bloody straight into your bathroom. You followed him, expecting an explanation.

Only, you never received an explanation, instead, he started snapping at you for something you had no control over. "He's my fucking potions partner, if you want to bitch at anyone, bitch at Snape!" You argued, dabbing his nose with a wet towel in order to clean dried-up blood.

"I saw the way you were looking at him, don't fucking lie," He pushed back, eyes darkening with anger. You scoffed, exasperated, at the accusations he accused you of. You had to look at a person to talk to them. It's not like you can talk to someone with your back turned. So much for a peaceful day, you thought. But what were you expecting it was Mattheo you were dating. No day was ever quiet when you are dating a Riddle.

"Oh please, pull your head out of your arse," You snarled, currently annoyed at the bloody boy in front of you. Twisting his nose ever so slightly at his complaining, earning a yelp admitting from his mouth. "Godric forbid I look at anyone that isn't you!" You snapped, all you wanted was to spend a relaxing day with your best friend; instead, you were arguing with your boyfriend in the bathroom while cleaning up his blood, "News flash asshole I don't need your fuckin' permission to look at someone!" You said, slamming the towel you were holding onto the counter, storming your way out of the bathroom.

No way it was our last night, We said we'd had enough, I can't remember everything we said but we said too much; I know you packed your shit and slammed the door right before you left, but baby something tellin' me this ain't over yet; I know you said this time you really weren't coming back again, but baby somethin's tellin' me this ain't over yet;

"I can't do this anymore," You groaned, you don't know how long the two of you were at it this time. All you remembered was leaving the great hall this morning peacefully, only to be thrown into a yelling match as soon as you met Mattheo in his dorm. The boys had left the two of you alone as soon as you started yelling, not wanting to be brought into whatever you both were arguing about this time.

"Good, because I can't either," He spits out, eye surveying you moving around his bed to gather the items you left for when you would sleep over.

"I'm serious Mattheo, I'm done," You said, slamming the dresser drawer shut with your hip as you juggled everything in your arms. His mouth was left agape like he wanted to say something more, but he didn't. "Goodbye, Riddle," You whispered, shifting everything into one arm as you opened the dorm door, refusing to look back at him as you closed the door behind you. This was the end you told yourself.

<><><>

If your crossed out I could not tag you

@lost-cause96 @carolspalace @drugs-for-memes @slytherinqueen123 @ghostofscarley @devilishwitchfantasies @lovegoods-things @tinafuentes @mylastnamesyuh @heartjay @chocochannie @horneybeach1 @goth-blackcat @nataliexoxoxo29

[thefiery-phoenix]

YANDERE KIRIBAKU HEADCANONS

As we all know, Katsuki Bakugou, aka the deformed looking hedgehog with angry pomeranian problems is a VERY AGGRESSIVE and POSSESSIVE ASF Yandere, not to mention slightly delusional too 

Daddy shark on the other hand, is a very doting yandere and wants to provide the BEST of the BEST for their darling and absolutely LOVES to smother their darling with affection and all that other shit. He is also a very OVERPROTECTIVE one might I add

Having Kirishima around is actually helpful for you since whenever Katsuki gets moody (like, WHEN IS he NOT moody? Lol, I make sound like some moody teenager with anger issues. Oh wait...*insert surprised pikachu face here*) , he tends to take his anger out on his favorite toy, aka you, but lucky for you, Kirishima intervenes and makes him stop acting like a spoiled and bratty child. Kirishima knows how to handle the situation and might even make it easy for you to handle. The way he behaves, you almost forget that he's a yandere,  (NOTICE!! I said, ALMOST) until you try asking for ''certain things'' and you try escaping in which case, OH BOY, I PRAY for you, you're basically toast

It's quite obvious that boom boom boi and rock boi are the dominant ones in the relationship meaning, you're the sub! Congrats and have fun ;)

If they catch you escaping, well... good luck with dealing with their punishments since they can be pretty brutal.... They might say some mean things to you which will also be followed by a few slaps here and there and basically, doing whatever they want with you

But aftercare with them is like 5 star treatment. If you fall into a state of depression and overwhelming sadness that has the look of a puppy getting kicked, they won't be able to stand it since they love you to death and they care for you okay? You're THEIRS and they can't let their darling precious angel enter such a horrible state now, can they?

Aftercare is typically done by you getting squished like a tomato in between them where they'll whisper soothing and sweet things into your ears and try calming you the FREAK down and stroke your hair and give you head pats and massages and especially LOADS of hugs and everyone favourite things: CUDDLES!!!!! They might even let you watch a movie of your choice if you're feeling really down as hell

You'll love the aftercare these strong bois have in store for ya pal. After an escape punishment, Bakugou will still be pissed at you and leave you there but Kirishima will take care of you. He'll make excuses for Bakugou and comfort you. Bakugou will have calmed down by then and he isn't the type to show affection and all that most of the times anyways, so expect to be spoiled to DEATH the next day by him giving you breakfast in bed and he won't exactly apologize but actions speak louder than words, don't they?

They will not hesitate to kill ANYONE who comes in their way. PERIODT. They aren't picky anyways about who to kill. Remember that man who was giving you the wrong look? Eyeballs gouged out. Bones? broken into pieces. Limbs? Ripped apart and torn to shreds. Hotel? Trivago (Lol, I did it again, so proud of myself :) )

If Bakugou snaps, it'll be like some mad dog has finally bitten him, but don't say that to him if you want to go deaf for a whole day. Anywho, if he snaps, good luck dealing with the uncontrollable pomeranian and I offer you my best wishes to you and Kirishima. He won't snap out of it easily and it usually involves him losing control of his emotions where he will hit you and Kirishima. Of course Kirishima WILL protect you and not let you get hit. What sort of man would he be if he lets you get hurt?

Bakugou will eventually realize what he's doing and finally go back to normal and will end up actually apologizing for once in his life and things might go back to normal (Well, as normal as they have been when you've been kidnapped)

If Kirishima is the one to snap, Bakugou won't stop it for a bit. He will calm you down if things start getting too much. If he feels that Kirishima is going too far, he'll just give him a whack on the head that'll ''wake'' him up and all that. Kirishima will go back and forth between spoiling you two and calling himself despicable for two weeks until you and Bakugou do something. If both of them snap... well... you get yo runnin' shoes and hide the HECK away from them and you start getting depressed 

When they get to know about your mental health state, don't be surprised if you wake up in the morning surrounded with over 50+ oversized hoodies and your favorite things. The root of their affection comes from one word. Cuddles. They will cuddle all day and not want to move unless one of you gets hungry. They will give you kisses and shit too but cuddles are their forte

Once you develop Stockholm Syndrome, damn do these two spoil you. They let you get whatever cute outfit you want but they limit if it's more of a household outfit vs going out outfit. Their extremely dominant side comes out because you're timid or rebellious nature has died at this point

[freshbakedbreadstick]

No. 1 Party Anthem - Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader - Prologue

Past!Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader

Carmy Berzatto x F!Platonic!Reader

Richie Herimovich x F!Platonic!Reader

Summary: After running for so long, it was time to come home

Warnings: All my fics are 18+ regardless of the content. Heavy spoilers and angst. Mentions of death, mental health issues, and toxic relationships. It’s not graphic or detailed in this one but I just want to warn you now that this series will deal with extremely heavy topics as it goes on (similar to the show).

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: Hey bestiesssssssssss!!! This is my first ever series and actually first ever written work that I'm posting lol and I'm so excited for it!!! I'm starting off with a series because i had this really good and angsty idea while reading ANOTHER fantastic piece of work and was like “fine…….. I'll do it myself” so i'm here now writing it lmao anyways i'm starting off posting my fanfics with Mikey and Carmy because i've been a little too focused on The Bear lately n love them so much. Chapter one of this series should be coming up this time next week so dw abt waiting so long for an update!! Anyways i hope you all enjoyyyy <3

MASTERLIST

The cool Chicago night air nips at you as it blows by, rolling along the exposed skin of your arms. It was 3 in the morning and the street where The Original Beef of Chicagoland stood was empty and silent.

The building stood before you, quiet and lifeless. It was odd seeing it so silent and it almost seemed… peaceful. But one glance at the rusting sign that seemed to be barely hanging onto the building made the façade of tranquility fall.

The knot in your stomach grew as your eyes traced over the rusted sign and then onto the walls that showed cracks and age. The sidewalk wasn’t any better with uneven cement and haphazard patching. Just then, a piece of trash rolled by the curb, coming from the alley right next to The Beef. 

It was just like how you remembered it. 

The wear and tear was what originally made you appreciate it. It showed use and love, the same way that laugh lines around a person’s mouth showed you that they lived a life full of smiles and laughter. The walls were in use as hundreds filed in and out of the building for their favorites, every week. The floor was worn away underneath the soles of families, drunk friends, older couples, working folk, and more. The ungentrified building made the whole thing feel nostalgic, despite not being a building you were around as a child. It had felt… familiar in a both comforting and melancholic way. 

But now, seeing the building, especially with its marks of age, made your blood run like ice through your veins. It made you shiver, despite it being September in Chicago. 

What once was a warm and inviting place felt cold and even scary. 

It had been months since you spoke to the Berzattos. Actually, it had been months since you were in Chicago at all. About 8 months, that is. You left in February after… everything and never looked back. The east felt too familiar at that point, so you traveled west.

You chased the highs and avoided the lows, moving from one place to another until you settled in a quiet town where you felt loved. But that love didn’t come without its challenges and when it got hard, you did what you knew best and that was leaving. 

So you left with no clue as to where you were going, too proud but mainly too afraid to reach out to the family you had in Chicago. You drove with a car full of junk you couldn't even stand looking at anymore for all the memories of the past couple of months attached to them made your stomach churn. With no place to go, you found yourself, 5 days after leaving and living in your car, sitting on the hood of your 2002 Chevy Impala, stopped and watched the sunset of the west for the last time at a rest stop in the middle of nowhere with your head hurting and eyes puffy. It was then when your phone buzzed. 

The cracked screen blinked brightly as you glanced over at it.

‘Please come home, we miss you - Nat’

Your mouth dried as you read the message. Your heart pounded in your ears as your eyes raced over the words over and over and over.

‘Please come home, we miss you’

‘Please come home, we miss you’

‘Please come home, we miss you’

‘Please come home, we miss you’

‘Please come home, we miss you’

‘Please come home, we miss-

Another message popped up then, interrupting your reading and making you jump. 

‘I promise it’s okay’

Your hands trembled. How Sugar got your number after you changed it twice to avoid your ex from the west was a mystery but it almost felt like divine intervention as you read it under the glow of the cotton candy clouds in the sky. 

‘Come home’

So you made the decision to go back. 

To go home. 

But this decision didn’t mean that you were leaving right away; for two months you practically lived in motel rooms and in your car, pacing back and forth for hours in parking lots, empty hallways, and tiny motel rooms at the thought of facing everyone again. Would they be upset? Angry? Sad? Would they hate you? Welcome you with open arms? Especially after abandoning them the way you did? 

Some nights were spent breathing deeply and slowly, desperately trying to get your heart to beat at a reasonable pace and other nights were spent with tears streaming down your cheeks. You almost even decided to just not come home at all; it felt like moving out of the country and assuming a new identity would be easier to deal with than going home.

But you got yourself together and after pawning everything you didn’t mind parting with for cash, you drove with a lighter trunk and a lighter heart across the country and eastward toward Illinois. 

Before you knew it, the giant ‘WELCOME TO ILLINOIS, THE LAND OF LINCOLN’ sign had appeared in your vision. It greeted you like an old friend, making your eyes sting and your chest tighten as your car zoomed by it. 

Two hours away from Chicago, your stomach would not stop growling so you decided to stop and grab a bite to eat. After settling your car at a nearby park next to an empty bench, you got off and focused a bit too much on grabbing your belongings to notice what your surroundings looked like. 

It wasn’t until you had sat down and ripped the bag of food open, when the smell of a salami and mozzarella sub wafted in the air, perking you up and prompting you to smile softly, that you glanced up. Over the dark green shrubs and still water of Peoria Lake were cotton candy clouds, nearly identical to the ones that you had seen while sitting on the hood of your car, terrified and hoping for a sign, any sign, that what you were doing was the right thing. 

Five minutes later, your car was back on the highway and speeding towards Chicago.

You stayed over at your parents’ house that night. They were overjoyed to see their child. Your mother cried, holding onto you as your father rubbed your back, comfortingly. Part of you wanted to, so badly, melt into their arms, but another part of you reminded you of the last time you were here. Despite the furniture being different and the decorations being rearranged, your body twitched as it remembered the exact emotions and position you were in when you got the news. 

The news that your boyfriend, Michael Berzatto, was found dead.

You couldn’t sleep that night, nor the next, or even the one after that. You got a combined total of about 15 hours of sleep in the past 72 hours, making you look and feel exhausted. But your mind was the only thing that wasn’t exhausted from replaying the memory over and over and over. 

About 5 days after you arrived, you got another message from Sugar. This time, a pit formed in your stomach as you read it.

‘Hey, it’s me again! Can you swing by The Beef tomorrow? I'm working there now and would love to see you. I’m sorry this is on such short notice but I've been crazy busy and I heard you were in town. I really want to see you and if you can’t do tomorrow, let me know so we can plan another day.

We really do miss you.’

You rock your jaw and put your phone down on the edge of the twin mattress you sat on, in your childhood bedroom. Right then, your mom gently knocks on your bedroom door before pushing it open.

“Have you talked to Natalie at all yet?” she said softly, clasping her hands together and leaning against the door frame.

You huffed and smiled weakly, of course your mom would mention something to her, that’s how she knew you were here. While your mom respected you doing things on your own time, she also knew that you needed a little push to make that connection. 

“Uhm… yea she just texted me. I uh, i might see her tomorrow at The Beef,” you murmured with a shaky breath. 

Thank god Sugar ended up being the one to text you instead of you texting her. 

Your mom smiled sweetly, “I think you should go, sweetheart. I know it seems scary but… I think it’s time you saw them…” 

Nodding, you turn and crawl up to the pillows of your bed. With a sigh, you lay down and close your eyes, exhausted. 

From your door frame, your mom quietly watched you and sighs softly. She slowly grabs your door and closes it behind her as she leaves. The hallway light goes off, leaving you and your thoughts alone in the pitch black dark.  

And here you were, a couple hours after you read her message, standing across The Beef on a cool Chicago night with the air nipping at your exposed skin as it blows by. You left in such a rush that you forgot to bring a hoodie and didn’t even bother to change from your thin pajama pants and loose old t-shirt. All you did was throw on your shoes and climb out your window, car keys clutched in your sweaty palm, like you used to do in high school to sneak off with Mikey. 

But those days seemed so far away now the same way that The Beef seemed so far away. It felt as if the trek across the street actually spanned thousands of miles and not a minute walk. 

So you sighed and turned around, walking down the sidewalk and back to your car. Who knew what time it was anymore, but you knew that you really needed to get rest tonight… you had a big day tomorrow. 

[meanbossart]

Some art-advice asks I've been meaning to reply to!

I use Clip Studio Paint Pro, though I'm not sure what tips I could give just in general. Just experiment with new things often, draw as much as your lifestyle allows, watch how other people do their work but try to avoid "Dont do THIS thing ever" type lessons and tutorials. Use as much reference as you'd like and take your time! To this day a simple sketch can still take me several hours to do depending on what it is.

Thank you so much!!! I didn't do any kind of formal art schooling but I've always been inclined towards arts and crafts, and started taking drawing semi seriously when I was about 17 (I'm 27 now). I draw a lot of inspiration from western comics and my favorite artists are jason shawn alexander and sean murphy.

Oh I'm so flattered to hear my stuff's inspired you to take up drawing again, I have a bunch of little crafty hobbies but art is by far the most fulfilling one to me - largely because you're constantly learning and improving.

You're definitely onto something already, I am constantly looking at other people's art (even If it isn't a style I would want to emulate) and analyzing how the pieces come together to create the final product. In my opinion this is pretty much the best way you can go about learning besides real-life reference drawing. You can even take something into your software of choice/print it out and trace it (just to yourself, of course) to get a sense of hand-motion and line use.

As a beginner I think there's no shame at all in taking heavy inspiration from your favorite artists, as long as you aren't straight up copying things and calling them your own. Your personal style Is likely to come out naturally, with time. That's very much how I started myself!

Also, just be patient with yourself, try to have realistic goals for your skill level while simultaneously being proud of everything you do. Even if you absolutely despise a drawing, you still drew something! And even if it doesn't feel that way you most definitely learned from it. Use learning tools and tutorials to whatever point you feel comfortable with but don't get stuck on people's arbitrary rules - unless we're talking about something tangible like real-life application of traditional art tools, things like anatomy, perspective and light are to be referenced from - but It's not the goal to emulate them 100% unless you ARE going for hyperrealism. As someone who uses a ton of reference these days, I can tell you first-hand that I often find myself straying from it on purpose to make a piece look more interesting.

Lastly, draw things you enjoy! Don't let anyone else dictate what you SHOULD be doing and don't fall into the trappings of wanting to stick to one specific style, process, or subject matter.

Good luck!!!

LOL thank you so much for your very evocative compliments! I haven't ever done a timelapse, not that I remember at least. I'm not sure how they work but I do so much of "I'm gonna try this thing 5 different ways and then decide what I like" that I'm not sure how comprehensive that would be LOL

I could put together a process showcase or something though, I feel like that might be better even, since I get to explain a little of what I'm doing through text and display how I use reference. Something to consider!

[8-rae-rae-8]

BUSTS DOWN THE DOOR.

chronic pain is flaring and depression is beating my ass. time to shout my mama price silliness from the rooftops

i always talk about the boys but as a caregiver myself, i know price would be the best caregiver.

are the men under his command arguably some of the most skilled, lethal men in the world who don’t need protection?

yes.

is he going to be a mama bear for the 141 anyway?

ABSOLUTELY.

anyone who has a problem with gaz, soap, or ghost has a problem with him. price will not hesitate to pull rank (even from behind the scenes, like making sure they aren't promoted) if someone is shitty to any of them.

i think a lot of people don’t realise we get “caregiver” headspace!! i need price sliding into it everytime he’s remotely proud of his boys. gaz gets a new best score for training? price was the scoop him up and spin him around. ghost has a good communication day, asking for what he needs? price wants to buy him 100 new plushies. soap remembers to take his meds, shower, etc. on time? STICKER ON THE CHART, BABY. something about the way they beam at him when he says "good job" makes him feel all warm inside.

i strongly headcanon that price has chronic pain from being older and his years of service---especially his knees. it kills him that sometimes he just can't carry the boys around or kneel next to them while they play. the guilt of not being a good caregiver, or them needing someone *better*, eats him up inside.

the boys absolutely know about this, even when small. they love helping him out!! they know mama needs help and are happy to bend over and grab something, or just are content to watch a movie in the rec room somedays.

(baby regressed simon is known to just hand price a plushie when he knows the other is upset. especially on rainy days when simon shares the same achey joint issues).

re him being so proud of them: price keeps every drawing they make. every. single. one. he several manilla folders with everything from non-regressed soaps' realism drawings to simon's marker scribbles.

a drawing that gaz did in crayola marker of the team is framed in his office. (:

as a local enby "mama," you already know i'm projecting onto that man lol

-🧪 who is working on cod OC & The Sticker Chart™ content

STICKER CHART !!!!

Oh a good old sticker chart 😌

I love this so SO much 😭

He's just gotta Mama Bear his boys, that's what he does !!

On good days, he'll hold one or two of them on his legs as they watch a show or movie. Price doesn't have to tell them if he's feeling too sore, they notice, and they're happy to accommodate it even if they're little !!

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

A Drunk Mind Speaks A Sober Heart Part 2

Summary: Reader and Buck wake up hungover but manage to make it family breakfast with the team and their families. The videos from the previous night are exchanged between the two and everyone is excited that they’re finally together 

TW/CW: Evan “Buck” Buckley x Reader, (Y/N) = Your Name, best friends to lovers finally made official, alcohol consumption mentioned, gets kind of spicy toward the end, swtiches POVs so look out for that. 

Requested?: No 

Word Count: 3,062 

A/N: If anyone wants a spicy third part lmk. I’m kinda down to write it lol. Not sure how good it would be tho. Again I say, I’m so proud of this. 

Prompts: None 

A/N: Absolutely gorgeous he is.

Part 1 Here

(Y/N)’s POV 

The sun coming through the curtains wakes me from my slumber but upon opening my eyes, I immediately shut them again because the sun is so much brighter than it should be. I roll over to find a bottle of water, some Asprin, a note, and my phone on charge. I don’t half remember last night to be honest. I know I got shitfaced in Maddie’s livingroom and look around me to find myself in one of her spare bedrooms. I reach over and pick up the note and read it, “Take two and chug. Don’t forget about breakfast at Athena and Bobby’s -Maddie” I do as directed and then check my phone to find a text from Hen that reads, “’A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.’ -Jean-Jaques Rousseau” there’s a video attatched so I make sure my volume is low so that it doesn’t burst my eardrums before opening it. I watch myself confess my feelings for Buck and flop back over to my back groaning once it’s over. I take a few deep breaths before getting up from the bed. 

I mentally thank Maddie upon finding my duffle bag and shoes at the foot of the bed. I struggle out of last night’s clothes and into clean ones, yank on my shoes, and venture downstairs in hopes of finding my keys and slipping out without waking Maddie, Chim, or the kiddo. Unfortunately, no such luck as they have already beat me out of bed. I tip toe around the corner into the kitchen only to find Maddie standing at the counter sipping coffee as she lovingly watches Chim play with Jee-Yun. I sigh in defeat as she notices my entry and picks up my keys from the counter beside her, “How’re you feeling?” she asks as she tosses them to me.  

“Like I got ran over by a train,” I laugh, “And embarassed,” I blush. 

She smiles, knowing exactly what I’m referring to, “It’s alright. We all knew, we were just waiting for you to figure it out,” she winks. 

It’s now that oblivious Chimney joins us with his adorable daughter perched on his hip, “Are we ready to head out?” Maddie and I nod so the four of us depart for the Grant-Nash residence. The entire way there I am contemplating just going home to avoid knowing and teasing looks from Maddie, Athena, Hen, and Karen all day but force myself to stay en-route because this has become a long standing tradition. One Sunday a month, the whole fireteam, their significant others, and their children gather at Bobby and Athena’s for a good old fashioned family breakfast. I ponder if I’ll even survive this one as I pull into the drive way and put my car in park but am quickly dragged out of my safety zone by Athena’s waving hand at the front door. 

Buck’s POV 

I shouldn’t have drank so much last night, I realize as I roll off the couch with a loud thump. From the kitchen, Christopher and Eddie giggle before Eddie cheers, “Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. Better get your ass up and get some Asprin in you and clean clothes on or we’re gonna be late to family breakfast.” I groan but know he’s right. I swipe my phone off the coffee table before making my way to the kitchen for Asprin and then to the bathroom to change clothes. I have a text from Eddie that reads, “Maybe just show her this since you can’t ever figure out how to tell her yourself,” attatched is a video so I press play to listen as I change clothes. By the time the video ends, I have my hands pressed to the counter and am staring down at my phone in shock. Maybe Eddie’s right. Apparently drunk me has a talent for explaining how I feel that sober me does not. 

I grabbed my phone and exit the bathroom to make my out of Eddie’s place, declaring to him on my way out, “Don’t say a word,” feeling his amused look on the back of my neck I feel a blush creep to my cheeks, “Stop it. Don’t give me that look.” Soon, the three of us arrive at the Grant-Nash household and I have to elbow Eddie in the ribs when we see (Y/N) getting out of her car due to the grin on his face. 

Third Person POV 

The breakfast gets along almost as it always does. Lots of chit chats and laughter. The ladies send teasing looks toward (Y/N) when Eddie asks how their night went but (Y/N) ignores them and they simply say it was quite interesting and elaborate no further. Eddie saw the looks though and makes a mental note to ask Hen or Maddie about it later. Several times Eddie caught Buck glancing or staring at (Y/N) and shot him a teasing grin over Christopher’s head. Buck brushed it off with a glare everytime.  

As mentioned, things aren’t quite the same as usual. As is normal, Bobby sits at the head of the table with Athena to his right followed by Harry, May, Karen, Hen, and (Y/N). To his left is Jee-Yun in a high chair followed by Chimney, Maddie, Eddie, Christopher, and Buck. Usually, Buck would playfully kick at (Y/N) under the table and she’d snatch food off his plate, mostly his fruit. They would get carried away in their own conversation and their fits of giggles and laughter would ring out over the other conversations happening but when anyone would look their way to question what is so funny they’d be too distracted to give an answer. Everyone always got a kick out of their playful behavior. However, today there was no playful kicks under the table or food snatched off of plates. The two couldn’t even look each other in the eye, too embarassed by their confessions last night that the other had no idea about. Although they did sneak glances toward each other when the other wasn’t looking. When Christopher has Buck’s attention or Buck is arguing about how a call went with Chimney over three heads, (Y/N) watches him out of the corner of her eye but pretends to be focused on something else or collects a bite of food if he happens to look anywhere near her direction. When (Y/N) is watching Jee-Yun giggle as her father makes airplane noises circling a small bite of pancake toward her mouth or listening in on the conversation between Hen, Karen, and May, Buck admires her subtly over the rim of his coffee cup but as soon as (Y/N) returns her gaze to her plate or someone near him he too distracts himself with something else. This odd behavior did not go unnoticed by the other adults at the table or even Christopher who would normally be too busy giggling at the pair’s antics to eat.  

The young boy also happens to be the first and only one to call the two out on the peculuarity of it all, “Buck? Why are you not kicking (Y/N)? And you haven’t stole any of his fruit,” he adds looking to her.  

The adults all grin as Harry also chimes in, “Yeah you guys have been quiet.” 

May nudges her brother and shakes her head as their mother speaks up, “I think they just don’t feel too good today. Maybe they didn’t get enough sleep.” Christopher and Harry exchange a look that says they don’t believe that one bit but a different conversation is picked up by the adults to shift the attention off of the two.  

(Y/N) risks a glance at Buck, wondering what his reaction is but he had also taken the same risk. The two lock eyes but quickly look away. In attempts to escape the situation and catch the breath that had been stolen by looking into his bright blue eyes (Y/N) excuses herself from the table saying her still bruised ribs are bothering her and she needs to stretch.  

Once safely in a bathroom, (Y/N) stares at herself in the mirror trying to decipher what it was that she saw in his eyes. Buck always has shown exactly how he feels through his eyes but today she can’t quite make out what exactly that is. She sighs heavily just as someone knocks on the door. 

Out in the dinning room, Buck has excused himself as well giving no particular reason but the adults need not ask because they know exactly why. As soon as Buck is out of earshot, Eddie leans forward to look at all the ladies in turn before asking, “What exactly happened last night?” The women all look at each other seeming to silently debate about spilling the beans.  

Chimney and Bobby look at each other as well before Bobby adds, “I would like to know as well but you seem to have something to share too.” 

May giggles, “It’s like a Mexican stand off of exciting stories.” 

Chimney retrives a coin from his pocket, “Heads, Eddie is up first. Tails, one of you ladies are gonna have to spill.” 

Everyone nods as Maddie looks down the hall, “Might want to be quick and quiet about it.” 

Chimney flips the coin and it comes up tails so Maddie wiggles in her seat and props her elbows up on the table, placing her fingers together. She takes a dramatic pause despite her warning to hurry up before explaining, “(Y/N) got plastered last night and we now have video proof as confirmation that she has feelings for Buck.” 

“I knew it!,” May whispers excitedly. 

Eddie lightly smacks Maddie on the arm, “You’re telling me they both confessed on the same night to separate people but have no idea?” Everyone looks to Eddie in shock, “Yeah, he had a few drinks last night and apparently drunk Buck has an easier time with putting his feelings into words. I got it on video” 

Hen laughs, “A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.” 

Everyone excitedly yet still remaining quiet cheers before Bobby settles them down, “Those videos stay with those who took them and we don’t mention this around them. Understood?” Everyone nods except Eddie and Hen who give Bobby a guilty look. He responds to their looks with one of suspicion, “What did you two do?” In unison the two videographers confess that they sent their video to the corresponding subject. 

Hen adds, “I figured if she had the video she could just show it to him when she’s ready.”  

Eddie nods in agreement, “I literally told him it might be an easier way of telling her if he can’t find the words while sober.” 

Bobby grins and shakes his head as Athena chimes in, “We’ll see. For now, let’s talk about something else so they’re not suspicious of us when they come back.” 

Back in the bathroom, (Y/N) responds to the knock at the door, “Who is it?” 

“It- it’s me,” comes Buck’s voice from the other side. 

(Y/N) takes a deep breath before unlocking and opening the door to let him in. She hops up to take a seat on the counter as he enters and closes the door behind him. They both stare at their hands, nervously fidgeting with anything they can until they both speak at the same time, “I’m sorry, I’m just-” They stop, staring at each other with red all over their cheeks. 

Normally, Buck would be a gentleman and let her go first but he just had to get this off his chest before he chickened out, “So, I got drunk last night. You know that saying drunk words are sober thoughts?” (Y/N) nods thinking back to the text Hen had sent with the video just this morning. Buck continues, “Well, Eddie caught my drunk words on video last night and... well,” he pulls his phone out of his pocket, unlocks it and navigates to the video Eddie had sent before handing it to her, “Just watch it. Sober me 100% agrees with every word.” He looks at her with such scencerity on his face that it makes her heart skip a beat. The two sit in silence as she watches the video. Buck shifts nervously on his feet, scanning her face for her reaction and she smiles. His heart soars with hope that she feels the same way.  

When the video ends, she hands his phone back to him before retrieving her own from her back pocket, unlocking it, navigating to her own video and then, “Drunk words are indeed sober thoughts and drunk me is pretty damn good at sharing things that sober me can’t. I too agree with every word she said,” she says, handing her phone to him. He watches with a massive grin on his face as one plasters itself on her’s as well. There’s not an ounce of fear or nervousness left in her after having seen his video. She thinks to herself that if she has the honor of marrying the man in front of her one day, it’s only right that Eddie be his Best Man and Hen be her Maid of Honor. 

Once the video ends, Buck places her phone on the counter beside her and leans in close with a grin still on his face only now it has a slight hint of cockiness to it, “I guess the only thing to do now is ask you to be my girlfriend. So will you?” 

As he hooks his finger under her chin and lifts it to align their lips, the distance between them shrinks even more. He can feel her breath on his lips when she affirms, “Obviously,” so he glances down at her lips before looking into her eyes. She inches closer, encouraging him to close the distance, and he does. They share the same thought as the slow, love filled kiss takes place and that is, “I love you.” When they begrudingly pull apart, and make eye contact, there’s no need to voice the thought as for one, their drunk selves already did but also, it’s seen in their eyes. 

Buck pulls even further away before placing his hands on her hips. He leaves them there for a moment, observing her reaction and somewhat looking for a nudge to continue his movements. She tilts her head, “What?” 

He says nothing at first, simply sliding his hands from her hips to place them on either side of the mirror on the wall behind her caging her in. He leans in close and brushes his nose against her’s, making her eyes flutter shut. When she opens them he’s just barely retreated, tilted his head, and is grinning from ear to ear. Feigning forgetfulness he asks, “What was that you said you wanted to do? It was something to do with my arms. Maybe you could remind me?” 

A mishevious grin with a hint of shyness to it replaces the look of curiosity on her face but is quickly replaced with a false sense of innocence as she lays her head over on his right arm. She stays there for a moment reveling in the eye contact between his now sultry eyes and her own wide eyed innocent ones before turning her head slightly to nuzzle her mouth and nose against his arm. A breath catches in Buck’s throat as she suddenly opens her mouth to lay her tongue against his bicep, slowly dragging it up before recoiling it back behind her teeth that she uses to nip softly against the skin covering the toned muscle. The sound that left his throat is one that she will remember for years to come and want to elicit from him again many times over. However, she simply lays her head back against his arm with a teasing look on her face, “We should get back out there before they come looking and find us in a scandalous situation.” 

Buck huffs, knowing she’s right and stands up straight removing his hands from the wall to help her down from the counter. (Y/N) quite likes it when he lifts her by her waist to place her feet on the ground and has to stop herself from wondering what it would be like for him to toss her into bed as he takes her hand in his. He doesn’t exit the bathroom just yet but instead tugs her close, hooks his finger under her chin once more to whisper against her lips, “Fine, but you’re sitting in my lap to cover the situation you’ve caused in my pants.” She giggles and nods before opening the door herself and tugging him along behind her.  

All eyes are on the two love birds as they reenter the dining room causing blushes to creep onto both of their faces and Buck to discretely scoot just a little closer behind her in hopes of hiding the afforemention situation better. He takes his seat, promptly pulling her into his lap which makes everyone whoop and holler in excitement. Eddie passes Maddie a twenty dollar bill which provokes a confused look from both (Y/N) and Buck.  

Maddie grins triumphantly, “I bet that the videos would be exchanged today. Eddie didn’t think you guys had it in you.”  

Eddie rolls his eyes as Athena calms everyone down, “You two didn’t... in the bathroom did you,” raising her eyebrows to insinuate naughtier acts than just exchanging videos. (Y/N) and Buck shake their head no immediately to which Athena replies, “Good.” 

The conversation soon returns to things other than the new couple at the end of the table. (Y/N) has an arm around Buck’s shoulders playing with his hair while his arm is wrapped firmly around her waist. His other hand is placed on her knee, even though he wants it to be higher, and he leans in to whisper in her ear, “You’ll have something in you if we can ever sneak away. I just didn’t bend you over in there out of respect.” (Y/N) slaps his chest with her free hand but Buck simply returns his attention to the group around the table and includes himself in the conversation. Under her, (Y/N) can still feel the situation and knows he’s not joking. She has to fight to keep from imaging what all they could get up to today. 

Masterlist

More Evan Buckley Imagines

Taglist:

[tearsoverfears]

Glimpse Of Us 

the long awaited sequel for “How To Disappear”.

warnings: slight angst, mentions of drinking, using others, and some cursing lol

i wasn’t proud of myself. i didn’t like who i saw in the mirror anymore. i hated the way i would snap at people who i loved the most just because they were trying to help me. 

but most of all, i hated the way i pushed her away when she’s the person i love the most.

most mornings i wake up facing her side of bed only to be woken up with an empty space and cold sheets. her pillow still smelled like cherries and flowers. her clothes sitting in the bottom shelf of my dresser collecting dust. 

i still wear the heart locket i gave her on our anniversary. the same necklace she left behind after our argument. i trace the outline of it once in a while remembering how pretty it stood on her chest. 

there’s been so many nights where i’ve wanted nothing more than to just call her up and tell her to come over. but that wasn’t my position anymore. she was no longer mine. 

“conrad?” the soft melodic voice asked me in my ear. “conrad, are you even paying attention?” 

i turn my head, meeting the vibrant green hues of nicole’s. she looked aggravated and annoyed with me. we layed in the living room watching some shit movie she decided to put on. i zoned out about a couple of minutes in. 

i nod my head in response to her. the room already feels heavy with tension, i just know she’s going to chew my head off about something i don’t really care about. 

“conrad every time we hangout you don’t even pay attention to me. do you even really like me?” there was a sliver of insecurity in her voice that made me feel guilty.

the truth was i didn’t know if i liked nicole or not. after y/n and i broke up, i met her; she was pretty and nice and caught my attention. she was pretty decent to hangout with but she was no y/n. 

she didn’t even compare. she didn’t hold me like she did. her laugh didn’t sound as sweet as hers, her eyes didn’t twinkle the same, my nickname “connie” didn’t roll as smoothly off the tongue, but most of all she didn’t feel like her.

i should like nicole, i should be head over fucking heels for her. she’s every boy in cousins wet dream but here she is putting up with me. a distant, broken, and all around mess of a boy. 

nicole took my silence as an answer to her question. she rubbed her face in a harsh manner deeply exhaling through her nose. 

“you know what conrad? i don’t fucking get you.” her words were spit with rage. she shuffled back on the couch leaving distance between us. 

“you break up with y/n and hit me up to hangout; but yet everytime i’m with you, you want nothing more than a simple hookup. you’ll pretend to like me just to get in my fucking pants and do you know how frustrating that is?” tears begin to slowly puddle in her eyes. 

“nicole i-“ she cuts me off, letting herself finish her rant. 

“no conrad! you don’t get to use me to get over her! i have feelings too, you know. i really started to like you but it feels like every time you look at me you try to find a way to look at her. i’m not y/n and i never will be.” her words cut through my chest deeply. 

i spent all these weeks looking through nicole’s green eyes trying to find a simple similarity to y/n’s. i was spending time in her arms just to pass by the time. . 

everytime i looked at nicole, i only saw a glimpse of us. 

“i’m sorry,” i finally spoke in a soft broken whisper. i felt nothing but defeated and completely heart broken again. 

y/n would hate to see what i’ve become: a womanizer,  a heartbreaker.

nicole got up from the couch hastily grabbing her things. as i sat and watched it reminded me all too well when y/n left. the way she rushed but meticulously grabbed everything hoping i would say anything at all. 

but i wouldn’t. i would just sit and watch just to wallow in my own self pity later. 

nicole finished grabbing her things and walked to the front door. i slowly followed behind praying that my brain and mouth would work as one, letting me apologize instead of being a coward. 

she turned the doorknob slowly looking at me from behind her left shoulder with a droopy smile. 

“i’m sorry. i..i know it doesn’t mean much really but i am. i thought the more time i spent with you the more i’d forget about her.” the confession left my lips as a tear i didn’t know was forming touched my cheek. 

“you loved her conrad. you were meant for her, i don’t even know why i developed the idea that we could be something.” she too was now crying as she spoke to me. 

“change for her conrad, be better for her.” those were the last words nicole left me with before she too disappeared behind the white wooden door.

i found my way to the kitchen grabbing a can of cherry coke from the fridge before sitting down at the island. 

i really really wanted nothing more than to have a beer right now but i was practicing sobriety for the sake of y/n. she hated it when i drank, but she hated me even more when i was drunk. 

i wanted to become a changed man for her, i needed to be. 

i rested my elbows on the countertop as my palms cradled my forehead. my lungs took deep breaths, in and out, in and out when my phone began to ring. 

blindly, i answered it without even looking.

“connie…” a voice as sweet as honey struck a nerve so deep inside me, it almost felt as if i was alive again. 

psssst... there will be another part :), coming soon!

[themushroomgoesyeet]

It's time ladies and gentlemen

Arcana characters as Disney's Hercules

I promise not all of these are gonna be Disney themed lol I'm just a Muriel simp (if you couldn't tell) and when I originally came up with the Disney princess idea Muriel as Hercules started rotting a hole through my brain so here we are! Also, we're gonna get some side character/familiar action here as well, yay!

Asra, Nadia, Julian, & Portia - the muses

Are there other characters that these four could fit? Probably

Am I going to fit them there? No

Someone needs to be the muses, and I choose these 4

From left to right (since none of the muses are named) Portia, Julian, Nadia, & the last two get subsumed into Asra

Idk I think they'd have fun jamming out & watching Muriel do his thing

Lucio - Hades

Oh god I can hear the Lucio simps screeching at me in the comments already

But consider: am I wrong tho

Let's face it bro is the villain in every route but his own and the cynical, "better than thou" personality that they both share just fits so well

Plus this version of Hades is a Satan analog who makes binding deals with others for his own benefit, and doesn't that sound like a certain devil we all know?

Not to mention both of them are trying to escape the realms they've been assigned & make themselves god king of everything

Two words: ✨anger issues✨

Morga - Phil

And now we get to the fun characters outside the M6

I will admit, Phil is a lot nicer than Morga, but jaded older mentor figure trying to make up for failed prodigies fits

Plus, Morga was Muriel's mentor in his route

I feel like both also fit into the role of proud parent figure by the end of their respective stories

And both are disapproving of their pupil's romances lol

Inanna - Pegasus

Admittedly Inanna is a bit more no-nonsense than Pegasus is, but she can still be goofy and fun when she wants to

Incredibly supportive of their human companions, important assets in battle, their appearance started the main character on a path for a better and more fulfilling life

Not much else to say here it just works

Vlastomil and Volta - Pain & Panic

Honestly idk if I can fit Vulgora and Valdemar into the Hercules narrative, but at least I could get these two in here

Vlastomil is Pain and Volta is Panic; I realize both could probably fit into Panic's role as they are the more timid and mild mannered courtiers, but I've chosen things this way because Volta is a little bit more flighty and afraid to commit crimes like Panic, where as Vlastomil is a bit more bold (when he's allowed to be) and better fits Pain

There's also the whole shape shifting deal they can all do

Khamgalai - Zeus

This one.....is a bit weird ngl, I'm still not quite sure about it

Honestly this is the ONLY time I will conflate someone so near & dear to my heart with Zeus

Mostly this all fits into the "detached/secret family member" archetype

And....I mean Zeus in this narrative at least is actually very kind & caring, as well as a proud dad which is similar enough to Khamgalai to work ok

Plus they both act as a guide for the main character when they're trying to find/drifting away from the plot a little bit

Merf (my MC) - Meg

Ok

I know what you're thinking

And I'm going to state once again that I am a huge Muriel simp

My MC is also a self insert, and for as long as I can remember I've always identified the most with Meg, more than any of the other Disney women

Anyone who has read my fic, seen the stuff I've posted about my character either on this blog or others, or even just talked to me on the arcana discord started by @iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia can probably see that our personalities are very similar

Meg is very special to me as a character and I'm literally writing a post about mashing together my beloved and one of my favorite Disney movies, I'm not apologizing for conflating her with myself

[andypantsx3]

Ok Andy this had been on my mind for a while now and I really want to hear your thoughts on this!

So we all know that Shouto is pure husband material, the kinda guy you'd be proud to introduce to your parents! But yk all those years of abuse and trauma (our poor bby ;-;) would definitely take a big toll on anyone, right?! So I was reminiscing about the earlier episodes where he is all closed off and cold to everyone, and that really got me thinking... what would dating Shouto REALLY be like.

How much of his behavior in a relationship really be affected by his past? Obviously nobody is perfect and even though our princess man comes close what do you think his shortcomings are as a person/partner? What do you think his toxic traits would be? What could be some of his bad habits? How would he react during an argument? I used to hc that he would be really calm and passive but then I remembered this scene

Ofc us being his partner would change things, but he DOES lash out at times. The police officer hadn't yelled at them, he was just explaining what they did was wrong according to the law (which could be unfair but thats his job) and he straight up called him a slur 💀 (well yk in this society where so many ppl have animal related quirks it probably is a slur? Idk tho). He was sorry later but still. I was so shocked when I internalized the fact that Shouto does infact have quite a temper, even when he's not rude/ aggressive about it. It doesn't make him bad or anything because 9/10 times it's well warranted and I am just a pussy who doesn't handle other's anger well but yk...

WHO WOULD EXPECT A TEMPER FROM THIS LIL FACE?!

I am really wanna take his character and study him under a microscope and I am really interested to see your pov on this. Also don't feel inclined to agree with anything I said if you dont, I asked you precisely cuz I wanted a different way of looking at him from mine.

Btw none of this is to paint him as a bad person or partner because of a few shortcomings or his trauma. We all know he's too precious for that and that would be hypocritical of me especially since I have many of my habits and unhealthy ways of dealing with stuff that I dislike, but I also feel like he has so much angst potential in issues that aren't necessarily rooted in his family but moreso his own personality. Healing is often a "one step forward and three step back journey" and while I hate to watch him struggle, his perseverance gives me a lot of strength. Also obviously people change over the course of time and character development and all that, but we see even after the MASSIVE amounts of character development Bakugo has he still retains a lot of his previous qualities and obviously still struggles with a few things. I wonder if it's similar for Shouto. I wonder what he struggles with 🤔 (idk why I am scared but I don't want ppl to take these dumb sleepy thoughts of mine the wrong way yk lol)

I support my mans rights, his wrongs and everything in between :>

(p.s. I am so sleepy rn I don't even know if any of this is coherent cuz the points are flying all over the place but I hope you get a gist of what I am trying to ask. I love myself some sweet angst when it comes to all my blorbos but when I think of Shouto nothing obvious comes to mind. Also whenever I write even an ask or question like this my respect for writers keeps increasing tenfold! How do you guys write fics at like 4 am and it's still a masterpiece and I can barely string my thoughts together... )

Yes!!! I have so many thoughts about this, particularly as someone who also has daddy issues and a hot temper but actively works to be better as well lol.

I do think for the most part we've really seen Shouto move past who he was in those earlier episodes. That is not to say he still doesn't have those feelings, but he arguably manages them in a more regulated way. He has the temper but now he also has the tools and the perspective to better articulate himself.

I think generally Shouto would work hard to be calm and patient during an argument, but as with any human being, mistakes will be made and tempers will spike. I think during particularly bad arguments he'd get more closed off, like in those earlier episodes, would try to go off by himself so that he doesn't explode with that white-hot rage.

I do think, thankfully, that Shouto's ability to show empathy and compassion even in the middle of what we know are the most emotionally trying times of his life (the fights with Dabi), bodes well for his future ability to communicate and regulate himself on the whole. I do not see him as the kind of man who would yell or break things; I see him as the kind of man who now does everything in his power not to be like that.

And also with a face like that, would we not just let him win any argument anyway?? LOL

[sweetmariihs2]

🪄My thoughts on Cedric The Sorcerer🌙 (until now)

(not that anyone cares idk i just wanna talk about him, it's a lot of random thoughts and it's messy, but it's fun to read I guess)

Did you like that cute moodboard I did for him? It took me like 10 minutes I loved it. It fits him so well I'm so proud of myself for doing this. The whimsigothic aesthetic matches him so well I wish more people knew it so we would have tons of moodboards and cute stuff of him in this aesthetic it would be so nice. Ok let me start my post

I wanna share some headcanons, talk about my first impressions, it's not really organized I just wrote down whatever I remembered and the result was that. I wanna share my new hyperfocus with more people, that's what I'm doing here today :)

Everything started when I saw this man on Tumblr and though "who's this guy and why is princess Sophia next to him?", when I clicked on the hashtag out of curiosity I understood that it's because he's a character from the cartoon, and I was like "lol another tumblr sexyman again let's move on keep doing my things and interacting with my fandoms" (december 24)

I also mentioned it to my friend on IG bc I saw a reels that was like "you don't have any weird fictional crushes right?" and then proceeds to show us an edit of him with millions of hearts around. I sent it to her and said "omg I saw ppl talking about this on tumblr" and we just laughed a lot because it was something we did not expected (not mean laughs, they were genuine laughs of shock and because that was very unexpected like HOW IN THE WORLD, and she remembered him in the show while I didn't)

Some days later I saw more fanarts of him on tumblr and that made me a little curious, but not enough to search about the subject.

After some days I just couldn't forget him, and that's when I searched his name on youtube purposely trying to find compilations of his funny moments to understand what was happening

And boy I did

At this point was just having fun and laughing thinking "omg another guy who's sassy, has good personality and is another ugly-atractive character that has a fandom on tumblr, I got it, he's very nice" and I went to do other stuff again but this man just DIDN'T CAME OUT OF MY MIND

Just making an interruption here, I loved watching Disney Junior as a kid, maybe when I was six or seven, idk I don't remember, and I was a huge fan of Sofia The First, it was one of my favorite cartoons from Disney Jr alongside Doc McStuffins and Art Attack. AND I JUST DON'T REMEMBER CEDRIC IT'S LIKE I NEVER SAW HIM IN THAT SHOW, EVER. I literally don't remember him being part of the cast i'm sorry Cedric 😭 now he stands out so much to me, he's carrying the whole show on his back. Btw now that I mentioned Disney Junior I would like to say that here in Brazil Sofia First is actually called Little Princess Sofia, and Doc McStuffins is Doctor Toys. Sometimes I call Sofia "Princess Sofia" but I don't even know if that's how they call her in the english version, I watched everything on portuguese 😭 but ok let's move on (I have more things to say related to the brazillian dub, but let me finish my train of thought first)

As I was saying this man just didn't came out of my mind, and I was like "Oh no another hyperfocus where people around me will make fun of me because they will say that he's ugly and that liking kid's shows is something weird 😭 I can't take this anymore" and I tried to deny it but I CAN'T i'm almost making a pinterest board for him, I just accepted my fate (gonna draw fanarts soon and no one can stop me)

I found a list of every chapter he's in and i'm watching every. single. one. of. them. I watched the movie first, and boy this is gave me so much nostalgia because I remember some vague objects and scenes from when I was a kid, I used to love the Disney Princesses, when I got a little older I started watching Descendants, I grew up watching Tangled and Frozen and I swear to god I almost teared up from nostalgia during the episode Rapunzel shows up, and they didn't changed her voice actor, that's what got me. It was like travelling back to a time I didn't even remembered that existed anymore. Because since I haven't seen Sofia The First in about 10 years, I don't even remember anything FROM the show except for some parts, and that this show had so much old Disney energy that I didn't even know made a difference, but it does.

I'm sounding like a granny here but (i'm not even in my 20s yet) it feels like another time, Disney changed so much. Some of the new movies are good, some are bad, I see Disney much more as a company that wants money and makes movies instead of that perfect place where all dreams come true and every girl is a princess (Here in Brazil I never had a dream to go to Disneyland because Disney in the early 2010's invested more in products and blue ray DVDs in Brazil, since the parks were in the United States and we weren't really the target audience for that. So they didn't minded making publicity about it, so I just watched the movies and Disney Junior). Everything felt more magical when I was a kid, I spent my days watching DVDs and sometimes had some Disney princesses themed toys, it was so fun playing pretend that I was a princess and I really felt like one. Rewatching Sofia The First made me feel like this again because they made this show at the time that their public were HUGE fans of the Disney princesses and it has the same characteristics, plots, even styles of the songs and soundtracks, visuals + I watched it when I was younger. It's not just "princesses" it has the whole Disney girly early 2010's magic into it and it made me so bittersweet, even if they tried they could never do nowdays a movie inspired by that time and give me the same feeling as a REAL movie from that time does. Sofia The First: Once Upon a Time was like watching a new movie from that old Disney, one that I didn't saw before, but at the same time I did, and that's the best part. The end of the movie gave me so much nostalgia that I almost cried too. That experience was amazing :")

It gives me the same nostalgia that I feel when I hear that song "a dream is a wish your heart makesss" it makes me cry how I miss to be a little girl again (i'm crying right now btw i'm very intense with my emotions)

(And hell I don't remember Cedric at all, since when he was there the whole time? Now that I know that he's there I'm feeling like really reeeeaaaaalllyy vague memories are trying to come back in my head, but I don't know if my brain is doing this on purpose or i'm just confusing him with an equally vague memory of Cruella. I guess it's the first option, I'm trying so hard that my brain is making up memories. Weird.)

But yeah at first I saw everyone falling to his feet and even though I understood that he was very funny and had a well-writen personality I couldn't really get why people were romantically in love with him. Well um I actually got it, he was a good character and was one more of these strangely atractive characters that people fall in love with, I've been there too. But I just couldn't see what was so atractive that people were simping over him, for me at that moment he was just funny and fits very well the "let's make a fandom" type of character, like for example Preminger from Barbie Princess and The Pauper. But then I thought "idk what i'm talking about i'm demisexual lol let's wait a few days" (That happened before. Many times.)

And I'm like. I don't know what's happening to me I'm so susceptible to weird (in socially non-fandom people's words) crushes and I thought I wouldn't be afected this time. Just so you can have an idea some of my last crushes were: Dr Flug from Villanos, Jackson Jekyll from Monster High, Victor Frankenstein from Okegom, Raggedy Andy, Mettaton from Undertale (and UnderLust), THE Eddie Munson (for a whole year and some months, and I was so bullied after his "trend" ended because people said that his fans were cringe and everything (that's fake lol they are very nice)), 70% of my list are just nerds and sensitive guys with different types of mental illness yay my fav type

and now I think I'm feeling unironically atracted by this man it's just happening really slowly 😭 (DEMISEXUALS ‼️‼️⁉️⁉️💥💥💥💥💥👊👊👊👊)

I'm gonna be honest with you, at the moment I can't decide if I like him or not I'm so confused at the same time that I get it I also don't like how tf am I atracted by this man 😭 and then I'm like hmm he's acually cute let me search for some fanfiction

I'M SO CONFUSED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE i guess I'll just wait to see what happens

you guys know that tiktok audio "at first I was like 'hmmm feet' as a joke,,,,, but bro....... I don't think that's a joke anymore...." (that's me rn but with Cedric)

Also I would like to take this oportunity that you're listening to me talking about Cedric to say the most important thing that this fandom needs to know:

We need more Cedric representations in Whimsical/Whimsigoth/Whimsigothic aesthetic it's like it was made for him just search that on Pinterest please you won't regret

And I'm here wondering what kind of songs he would listen to. I think he would like dark fantasy music, or witch music. I don't care if he's on medieval era and people didn't had access to a lot of music genres at that time, we are talking about disney nothing is historically correct

I can't help but think about Lana Del Rey but being a huge fan of her songs I don't think that it matches his tastes. I guess he maybe would like Aurora's last album, The Gods We Can Touch. I don't know why, it's the witchy vibes I guess. But I don't know, it's still not something that matches him a lot. EXCEPT FOR THE SONG MIDAS TOUCH FROM AURORA. IT'S PERFECT FOR HIM YOU GUYS SHOULD CHECK IT OUT

The cover isn't giving the aesthetic though, Aurora made this song for a show and then put the show album cover unfortunately. But her aesthetics are usually whimsical and magic, inspired by theatre, greek gods and tarot. This song is so good 😭

And of course there are songs like Everything Matters that fits his vibe but idk it depends on who's listening since it's not about the lyrics. The Innocent has a small part who matches him a little, the whole song has that witchy vibe dancing around the fire, I don't know how to describe it.

Coming back to Cedric I think my favorite scenario is him having an apprendice not too much younger than him. I think it's cute. I've never seen any fics like this (in fact I just read like 5 oneshots which is almost nothing) and if you guys know any let me know. I think it's just nice the idea of living with him and being his apprendice while having like a romantic tension between the two characters. It's cute

Also remember when I said I was going to talk a little more about the brazillian portuguese dub? So, something that I thought was really funny happened to me: In the first season he had his voice actor obviously and I was already used to his voice some time after watching the cartoon. It was very funny to me because the first time I saw a "scene compilation" of him it was in english, so hearing him talk in my language was fun. And btw his voice actor did a really good job voicing him, he (had a similar voice and) was really expressive just like his english VA, so like, really nice 👍

And then at some point in season two, from one episode to another, his voice actor suddently changed????? And obviously I got a little sad because his first VA was really good and I was used to his voice :( but the thing is: The new VA wasn't just a new one, IT'S THE SAME GUY WHO VOICED DR FLUG HERE IN BRAZIL AND I WAS LIKE OMG

THEY ARE SO SIMILAR IN PERSONALITY AND NOW THEY HAVE THE SAME VOICE WITH THE VOICE ACTOR'S MANNEIRISMS AND EVERYTHING (because that VA really has an specific way to talk, he stutter a little, sounds a little ironic but at the time really anxious, make some funny sounds for no reason sometimes like his screams)

I was really upset when they changed all the brazillian voice actors in Villanos, and that Flug didn't had his full-of-personality-and-expressive voice anymore :( the new episodes now have new voices and eveything, and they did their best, but it's not the original voices anymore and it doesn't hit the same yk? And then BAM CELDRIC HAS DOCTOR FLUGS VOICE NOW BITCH TAKE THIS

and the fact that Sofia The First was dubbed even before Villanos came out it's so funny to me

So yeah let me show you guys his amazing work at voicing two of my favorite characters:

After they changed Cedric's voice actor I was a little annoyed by the fact that I couldn't hear Cedric anymore, just Flug 😭 but now I'm slowly getting used to it and it's starting to sound like Cedric again.

Before that happened I could see some similarities between the two but I thought that I was just thinking too much and trying to connect two fandoms that I like, so I just forgot about it. After that happened my mind just blew it all make so much sense right now

And they are so similar in personality that I had to make a list of everything they have in common:

They work for guys that are completely blind to their talents and think that they're just idiots all the time

They have more potential than people think

Their projects/spells always go wrong because people keep disrupting their public moments, and so they are seen and weak and dumb (when they're not)

Science/Magic guys (they keep throwing liquids from one pot to another and saying difficult words, only for someone to stop them halfway and the substance explodes in their face, making them angry because this person once again interrupted their project that was going perfectly)

Self-confidence issues

Anxious mess, are always nervous and scared of something bad happening all the time

Childhood trauma because people never really saw their acomplishments and again and again kept repeating that they are idiots who don't know nothing (when they are geniuses!!)

They say that they're mean and they say that they do mean things when actually they are just really nice. They just choose that path because they think it's the only one that can bring them sucess and recognition in the future, but they were never made for this. They just do that because they want to proof their value to people who can't see it.

At the same time that they are mentally unstable, sometimes their confidence is so high that they start to act arrogant because "they're too smart and their projects are amazing": "I love what I do I'm the best sorcerer/scientist in the world"

But when they need to show that to people something bad always happens (because of other people!) And their plan fails, leaving them with confidence issues

"I'm too smart you guys don't deserve me"

"I can't do anything right omg i'm so stupid"

Their movements and maneirisms are so expressive, they're both skinny and tall and keep making those anxious poses, fidgeting with their hands, always anxious, scared of something, thinking too much and overall being nervous and ankward around their bosses

Boss just treats them as failures and gives them orders, in which they respond in the most submissive and saddest way because they're just miserable and just two little guys who are trying to proof their value in a place where no one even see them as people

But sometimes they are genuinely egoistic and egocentric because duh they're the best sorcerer/scientist out there, hello everybody is gonna know their name when they rule the world bye

They act so stupid and lovesick in their official crushes episodes, it's so funny

And even if we never saw Dr Flug's official face there is a design out there in the fandom where he has black hair with white streaks on his bangs so like 👍👍

Well um I guess that's all I have to say about this subject for now

These are my thoughts 🫶

I feel like I said a lot in a short amout of time but I'm here writing since 04:30 AM and now it's 07:47 AM so like. yikes

[livums]

Why I haven’t written in several months

Im being dramatic—it’s been like 3.

Hello writeblr buds, I miss u and I hope the past few months have been as kind and restful as possible 🥰 I realized it’s been some time since I’ve written anything (or written anything about writing anything) and for some reason it’s of some importance to me that it doesn’t look like I vanished or lost interest/commitment to the space.

I’m trying to quit my fuck ass job :/

I have a whole lot of feelings about the job + the field itself and why I think my time in it is drawing to a close, but I probably won’t take the time to write about it here, unprompted. What’s much more exciting for me is, I think, my goal itself.

I realized in like November that I’m doing that thing again—waiting for my life to start. It started when I received an art book Kickstarter reward in the mail and held a very pretty holographic print in my hands up to the light in my bedroom. My bedroom walls were bare, and had been for the past year and some change, when I moved into this unit. I hadn’t felt comfortable decorating knowing I’d be moving out in “only two years”. I caught myself waiting for permanent stability again. Oops! My bad.

I spent hours decorating my walls with all the prints I’d accumulated over the past several years and I felt…. A way. I started using stickers in my journal.

What was I waiting for? What the fuck was wrong with me?

I’ve known I wanted to center art and creativity in my life for as long as I can remember. I’m not going to blame my parents or whatever, but I was told over and over again not to throw myself into pursuing art as a career. It’s not financially viable. “You’ll never make a red cent.” I’d never told them at all that I wanted to do art for a living. I convinced myself for a long time that I didn’t. Lol.

Before I graduated from college in 2020, I faced a decision. I could go to art school, I thought. I could get an MFA. I held an art school catalog in my hand that is requested in the mail. I’d carried it everywhere for months.

I went to grad school instead. Not that I’m bitching about getting into such a prestigious program in my field, but it always felt like the ultimate compromise. It’s something I could tell my parents about and have them be proud of me, while hopefully I could devote time to art on the side. It’s what I’d been doing for the past four years—compromising. I had a professor or three notice, even. Lol.

I moved to a new city in 2020, alone. I was turbo depressed. One day, I spent hours watching animated student films on youtube and bawling my eyes out. Before I had graduated from college, I’d faced a decision and chosen wrong. I asked myself over and over—What do you do if you chose wrong?

Grad school was a nightmare, and I’d rather die than go back, but I don’t even necessarily regret going, I think. I think it was important for me to be in this profession, at least for a time. Maybe this is just me coping, lol, but going to grad school inspired much of what I ventured to write in 2022 and 2023.

Anyways, when I recently held that holographic print up to my bare landlord-white walls, I realized that if I waited any longer to let myself live my life how I wanted, then I was an idiot. In kinder words. I have no excuse not to. I’m giving myself massive grace by believing truly that the past seven years were not a waste of time, but I can’t lie to myself that I’m satisfied with the way my life is right now.

The point is-- I’ve slowed down writing recently because my focus has shifted to art. I’m DEFINITELY not done writing. Not at all! I just realized that if I want to achieve my goal of making enough consistent money off of art to leave my job, I’ll have to start treating art like a second job. Between devoting time to my fuck ass job, to art as a living, and to writing seriously, I’m in kind of a pick-any-two situation. Before, it was fuck ass job and writing seriously. I want to eventually be focused on art and writing as the pillars of my livelihood—that’s my ultimate dream. And we all know that writing is the longest game of creative and financial delayed gratification ever, lol.

I haven’t really talked about this that much on my other socials, lol, but for whatever reason I woke up this morning and felt like I wanted to give an explanation for my sparse writeblr presence. As I hopefully get to scale back to part-time clinician in the future, I hope to get back into some of my stories and start re-breaking old bones into something new and revitalized.

AN EE WAYS, if you’ve read all that, thank you. Mutuals, if u want my discord, feel free to pm me! I’m not disappearing (I will be on tumblr just as much as I have been, which is to say, daily), but I’m much easier to reach by other means. I’ll be (and have been) posting much more on my art blog @lurrkingly as well! If you’d like to um. Witness Me, I’m most Witnessable there or on my art Twitter (also @lurrkingly). (I also have a spicy art Twitter linked to the main one, which I hope to probably be. Siphoning off of for income one day soon. Praying etc.)

I have a game plan, my partner is an excellent support (I think they like playing manager, LOL), and I think, I really think, that I can do it! 🥰🥰🥰

Ok bye MWAH! I like you guys and I’ll never leave! 🎉 💜

[workingforthewidow]

5:34 am I was about to start my day-

I’m alive lol! Sorry for the long wait but I’m here I’m alive. Just had to get over the flu, dizzy spells, and salmonella poisoning lol. Here is part 8 of Sun to Me! I have part 9 done as well and maybe 10 done/almost done!

This story is NSFW and not for minors- if you are under 18 go ask your legal guardian if you can watch the movie.

Warnings: kidnapping, forced marriage, dub-con, attempted non-con, abuse, Stockholm syndrome, age gap (15 years- K&C are 19 Sinclairs are freshly 34) Don’t like it don’t read it,

Sun to Me Masterlist

“Fucking hell. Where the fuck did they go?” Bo ran his hands through his hair as he paced. He had tried to keep up with the girls and the visitors but lost them when they took a turn. “Those fucking little bitches. Can’t believe they fucking tricked us. I don’t care how pretty they are, I’m going to beat her with my bare hands.” His anger was at an all time high. It had been 3 hours and they couldn’t find the girls or the visitors.

Vincent had been sitting in the house watching Bo pace as he wrote out his thoughts-

~How are you so sure they are trying to run? These last two months have been good after that last attempt. Which was deserved after that stunt you pulled. Maybe the visitors took them. Thinking they were in danger. They’re on foot they couldn’t have gotten far.~

Bo winced reading the note. He didn’t like to remember what happened the day of his birthday. He would hate himself and what he did to Caroline for the rest of his life and even in the hereafter. He took a breath and closed his eyes trying to calm himself. He opened his mouth to say something when the door opened. He turned and the sight was something he never would have imagine in his wildest dreams.

There stood his babygirl, his little innocent wife who cried when she saw Jonesy kill a squirrel and had nightmares during thunderstorms, with blood splattered all over her face, her jeans, and the shirt she had stolen from his dresser, and a knife in her hand.

“I got one of them but Katie is still running over the girl. And boy is she’s mad. I don’t think I’ve seen Katie that mad in a while.” She said it like it was nothing. “I imagine if you want to be able to use the body you should get to her before Katie’s done with her.” She turned and started walking back in the direction where Bo assumed Katie and the victim were running.

Bo finally came out of the shock he was trapped in and ran after her, grabbing her around the waist. “The fuck you think you’re doing girl.” The anger was coming back into his body full speed.

“Obviously trying to get back to my sister before she completely destroys a human body. Duh.”

“Oh no. You are going to back up to that house, cleaning yourself up, and getting my dinner ready, like the good little wife you are suppose to be.” Bo turned and started walking her towards the house. “You are in so much trouble little girl.”

“And here I thought you would find it kinda hot or are you just jealous the guy I killed was bigger than yours.” Bo dropped her and turned her to face him his hands going to her face.

“The fuck you mean the one you killed?”

“I took this knife,” she held up the bloodied knife in his face, “and I stabbed him. Right here.” She tapped the tip of the blade over his heart. “I mean I did have him on the ground after I hit him in the head with a chair. But I’m still pretty proud of myself.” She shrugged and waited for a response.

Bo’s emotions were flipping so fast he didn’t know what to do. He felt anger at her for not following the rules, pride in her that she had taken down a tourist, and she was right he was insanely hard in his jeans at the sight of her. He let the third emotion take over and grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her hard.

“We will be having a long talk about this later little girl. Show us where they went.” He released her face and she started off in the direction Katie had run.

Bo and Vincent followed and soon they found Katie looking very similar to Caroline. The body of the woman at her feet.

At the sound of their footsteps Katie looked up, it took all of his self control for Vincent not to grab her. He didn’t know it but he was having the same confusing feelings as Bo. He couldn’t decide if he was angry, proud, or turned on.

“Wow you didn’t completely chop her to bits. Proud of you!” Caroline laughed and Katie nodded.

“It was really hard. Fucking bitch got me good.” She lifted her left arm and sure enough there was a long scratch mark down her forearm.

Caroline took Katie’s arm and examined it, “I can fix that. Doesn’t look like it’ll need stitches. Should be good with a bandage wrap.”

Bo and Vincent jaws dropped (well Vincent’s would if he didn’t have his mask on) they looked to each other to see if the other had figured out what was going on and what happened to their sweet girls.

Katie finally looked to Vincent and smiled, “Hello darling. I missed you.” She moved towards him and put her hand on his chest. He grabbed her arm and looked over it, clearly not happy with her injury, “I’ll be okay, just a scratch.” She tried to reassure him but that clearly wasn’t going to be easy.

“Okay what the fuck is going on here?” Bo’s voice boomed out. “You know the rules. Stay home and don’t talk to strangers. You two are going home, cleaning up, putting on your pretty little dresses, making dinner, and waiting for us. We are gonna clean up this mess. Dinner better be on the fucking table and you better be ready to explain.”

Katie looked to Vincent who nodded in agreement with his twin. Caroline took Katie’s hand and they walked back to the house.

“Well that went better than I thought it would.”

—

Bo and Vincent walked into the house to find exactly what they asked for, dinner on the table and the girls cleaned up in their pretty dresses. Vincent took note of the bandage wrapped around Katie’s arm. Seeing the boys enter, they stood and went to them. Their nerves could be felt through the thickness in the air. They knew the boys weren’t not happy. They tried their best to impress them cleaning up nice, doing their hair and makeup, and even made them pot roast again.

“Sit.” Bo ordered, Caroline immediately did as told, while Katie looked to Vincent. When he crossed his arms and nodded Katie hurried to follow suit. Bo and Vincent took their seats and plates were made in silence. No one spoke for a few minutes everyone just eating.

“You better have a good explanation for that little stunt you just pulled. You could’ve been killed.” Bo said stabbing into a potato with a little more force than was truly needed.

The girls looked to each other and Katie took a breath explaining everything the best she could about they figured out what was going on and how they ended up out there tonight.

After her speech with a few add-ins from Caroline the only response they got was some hums and nods. Fear was starting to creep in their bodies as they cleaned the kitchen after dinner, the boys eyes falling them every move they made. Once things were cleaned the stood next to their husbands.

Vincent took Katie’s hand and lead her to their room while Bo did the same with Caroline. The girls had no idea what the night had in store but seeing as they weren’t dead and no one was crying they hoped it would go okay.

—

Bo closed the door to their room and turned to find a well welcomed sight, his baby on her knees, hands folded on her thighs, and her head down.

“I’m sorry Bo. I knew the rules and I didn’t follow them. I’m sorry. You made the rules for a reason, to keep me safe. I’m sorry.” Her voice was so small and so soft. His perfect girl.

Bo put his hand on her cheek and she looked up to him tears glistening in her eyes, “Get your pajamas on and get to bed babygirl.”

He was mad. Oh lord was he mad. It was taking everything in his power to control his anger. Luckily Vincent had had the forethought to make him burn off some anger, one of the house towards the edge of town needed new windows now but it had calmed him a little. He didn’t want, couldn’t, act like he had on his birthday. He would kill himself before he did that again. He had to control himself.

Caroline changed into one of his shirts he had given her to use as pajamas. She was swimming in it but he knew she had a motive behind it. She didn’t wear anything under it, it was a welcome invitation for him to touch her. It was her way of initiating sex when she was still to shy to openly ask for it or to start the foreplay. His sweet little babygirl, who blushed when he held her hand sometimes, had blood on her hands now. They didn’t want the girls involved, sure they would have to tell them what was going on eventually. But they had hoped to keep this quiet a little longer.

He took his clothes off leaving him in his boxers and got in bed next to her. He put his hand over hers intertwining their fingers. She looked up to him and tried to smile but he could see the fear behind her eyes. He hated that look, that he had made her have that look. All her adrenaline had faded and she was coming to terms with what she did.

“Babygirl,” he released her hand and pulled her into his lap, “I’ll be honest with you I’m mad as hell right now. But I ain’t gonna hurt you like that again. I’ll promise again baby.” She put her head on his shoulder and he could feel her shaking a bit. “We were gonna tell ya what was happening. We had plans to but we didn’t wanna do it too soon. Didn’t wanna scare ya away.”

He heard her make a small noise and he pulled her away from his shoulder looking into her eyes, “What ya say baby?”

“Why didn’t you kill me and Katie? Why, why are we alive?”

Bo smirked and kissed her forehead, “‘Cus babygirl you were meant to be my pretty little wife. As soon as I saw ya two walking into my shop I knew it. Two pretty little twins for me and Vinny. Once you left for the museum I went and got Vinny and told him all about ya. Will admit your sisters pretty but you had my eye always baby.”

Caroline’s giggle interrupted him, “We’re identical twins, silly, we look the same.”

Bo smiled hearing her sweet laugh, “Nah I can tell the difference. There’s something about you babygirl that spoke to my heart. I knew that you were meant to be a Sinclair. Be my wife and mama to my babies. Gonna be so pretty with my baby in your belly. Sweet little mama with my sweet little Chevy girl.”

“What if we have a boy first?” She asks tracing her fingers over his arm. “I always liked Matthew like from the Bible. My favorite Gospel. Call him Mattie.”

Bo nodded and smiled at her, “That sounds good baby. Chevy and Mattie.”

Talking about baby names had helped calm him down and he wrapped his arms around her holding her tight to him before laying her down. She waited him to lay back as well before resting her head on his chest where she continued to trace patterns with her fingers.

“I love you Beauregard Sinclair.”

“And I love you Caroline Sinclair.”

—

Vincent had learned quickly that his angel had a habit of crying when her emotions got too much, too happy, too sad, too angry, too anything. She held everything in for too long before finally breaking. He knew as soon as the door was closed tears would be flowing and he was right.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It just, everything was happen so fast… and I’m sorry, Vincent. I’m sorry. I…” Her words faltered and sobs shook her body. He cupped her cheeks in his hands and put his forehead against hers. His thumbs brushed the tears from her and continued to rub soft circles over her face. After a few moments he let his hands fall and took a step back.

He started moving his hands and she realized he wanted to sign today instead of speak or write things down. They had been practicing for a few months and he had gotten quite good. He wasn’t fluent yet but Katie dared to say he was pretty close.

V- I’m not mad angel.

“What do you mean?” Katie both asked aloud and signed.

V- I’m not mad. Upset? Yes, you should have told me. So I could protect you.

“You could have been honest with me in the first place. There’s enough secrets here as there is.”

V- I am sorry angel. You’re right but I didn’t want to scare you off anymore than you already were.

Then she asked the same question her twin had asked of his, “Why didn’t you kill me and Caroline? Why, why are we alive?” The tears had returned, not quite as hard as before but tears nonetheless. Vincent didn’t respond. He pulled her into his arms held her as close to him as possible. His hands rubbed up and down her back letting her cry.

She felt one of his hands move from her back for a moment than came back.

“You have always been safe with me. Since I first saw you, I knew you were mine.” His voice was a soft whisper. “The most beautiful girl in the world.”

“We look a like we’re twins. Besides the hair but that’s not much.” Her laugh was muffled a bit but he heard it.

Vincent shook his head and kissed her cheek, “Your souls are different. But yours and mine are the missing piece to each other. I love you Catherine Sinclair. My sweet angel.”

She smiled at him her eyes shining with love, “And I love you Vincent Sinclair.”

[reflectionsofthesea]

Hiii I’m back! It's been a pretty stressful and busy time at work, so I'm less online than usual, but still learning finnish daily! It's actually being my saving grace: getting to detach myself from work,routine and stress and just putting my head into something completely different that I enjoy doing. Putting a read more because I wrote a lot here:

I've been progressing with my exercise book, and learned how to express the need to do something 'i have to...' and also the imperative tense. Really useful stuff. I also finally finished trascribing all puhekieli 'basic rules' on my notebook!

Some new stuff in my daily learning routine:

I started listening to podcasts and short stories! I was a bit intimidated at first, but now I've been enjoying doing it every day when I am cooking, cleaning the house or even when drawing/working. I'm listening to a beginner's podcast and can basically understand a good 80% of it, which is making me feel so proud and motivated hahaha. The crazy thing is that even if I don't understand a couple of new words, I can follow the conversation and the topic and I always know what the host is talking about, it's crazy. I'll definitely continue listening to podcasts and stories daily because I think it's helping A LOT and truly making me feel like I'm making huge progress and my brain is enlarging lol.

I started using LingQ! The importing videos/podcasts feature is super useful, and I imported some videos in finnish from youtubers I found and having LingQ generate subtitles in finnish for me and translation in english, so I can study them is so useful. That way I can exercise listening to more puhekieli and expand my vocabulary. It helps that the videos are super fun and entertaining themselves, so I genuinely want to know what's happening hahaha. (one was a Sims4 house building video, another one a travelling vlog)

I tried writing some 'stories' for the first time, this is also an advice I heard from a video, that helps with getting your brain used to constructing sentences and phrases. I already did this in a smaller way, writing very short sentences practicing different grammar rules to commit them to memory, but this exercise really makes you put more effort into building longer and slightly more articulated sentences, like phrases you'd say to someone when having a chat, or thinking out loud. I decided to pick some random themes and just write what I can about them! The pink underlined words/verbs/adverbs are things I had to look up because I didn't know how to say yet. I think this is a pretty fun and creative exercise to do though, and I can see how it can make your brain faster at producing sentences on the long run :) It will be fun to keep doing this when my vocabulary grows and I can say more stuff! (I saw a writing exercise idea on tumblr that was describing your Dnd characters and something about their personality/stories, and I really want to do that!)

Overall, I'm feeling really good and motivated. I remember feeling a bit stuck a month ago, and now that feeling is gone, and I feel like I improved a lot. I really think implementing new exercises like the written stories exercise and especially listening a lot has been so useful and important into me feeling like I'm growing more in this language. I'm really glad I fought my inner doubt and saboteur and just did it. I also gander at posts written in finnish here on tumblr and realized I understand a good 70/80% of what's written in there. Sometimes more or less, depending on how long the post is or how specific the words used are. But that's pretty crazy to me and really satisfying!

Also, if you need some inspiration for your language learning journey or some good tips (like the listening to podcasts and writing stories I'm currently doing), please watch this video! It really inspired me to keep going in my journey :)

[fazedlight]

Fandom creators tag game

Thank you @waytooinvested and @fabulousglitch for the tag!

1. What sort of content do you create, and what is the thing you’ve made that you’re most proud of?

Proudest fic - There are a few I tend to choose from, but right now it's Even Though You're Kryptonian

Fanvid - My Rise vid

2. What fandom(s) do you create for?

Supercorp. (And a very tiny amount of Dansen and soon Rojarias.)

3. What is your current favourite ship (or brotp if you prefer), and how controversial is it?

Supercorp!! I don't think it's a controversial ship, lol.

4. For your answer to question 3, are they canon?

They are to me ���

5. What was your first fandom, and how old were you?

My first obsession (and still greatest love) was Xena. I started watching the show a few episodes into season 1, when I was 6 years old. It was very formative.

That said, I didn't really get involved in any fandom communities until Supercorp (in early 2022).

6. What is your most unhinged fandom creation to date?

I don't think I get super unhinged, but as a pilot I did like creating this dumb incorrect quote.

7. Do you remember what started you off creating fandom content, and if so, what was it?

I was getting frustrated at not being able to find certain types of fics, and it struck me that... I was allowed to write my own.

8. Do you let people you know in real life see your fandom creations?

Yup! My partner read my first two fics in support, and several of my IRL friends have read at least one of my fics because I didn't have the good sense to keep that information to myself when I was getting started. It's mortifying lol. But my friends are very cool people.

9. How do you feel about fanworks of fanworks? Has anyone ever made something based on a thing you made?

Fanworks of fanworks are amazing!!! I've been incredibly lucky to have that happen three times (post), and gotten asked for permission for a different continuation and a podfic that may eventually happen.

10. What feeling do you most often try to evoke with your creations?

Angst. Longing. Bits of compassion too.

11. Has someone ever paid your work a compliment (in any form) that has stuck with you, and what was it?

I love each and every one of my commenters ❤️

Honestly, the compliments that stick with me most are "I came back to reread this" or "this idea is still living rent-free in my head" type comments. I think that's what all writers and artists want - to feel that their art lasted in someone's mind beyond the first time seeing it.

12. What’s your favourite thing someone else has made that you’ve seen in the last 24 hours (and link it if you can find it again!)

Technically it was more than 24hrs ago but this art by @awaitingrain is so fucking cute!!

13. Give a small sneak preview of something you’re working on right now (eg a couple of sentences of fic from a WIP, a gif set theme, a small piece of a larger picture, whatever you feel happy to share)

I have a ficlet (that's getting out of control), here's a snippet:

Lena was cozying into the warmth of Kara’s body, when Lena spoke. “I’m thinking of visiting my mother’s house soon,” she said shyly. “I want to find out more about her. Where I came from.”

“That sounds lovely,” Kara said softly.

“Do you want to come with me?” Lena asked.

Kara hesitated.

14. Have you ever seen/read anything made by the person who tagged you? If so, what was it and what was your favourite thing about it? (pick a favourite if there are several)

Both of them are on my reading list 👀

15. Do you leave comments on fandom works, and if so how would you describe your comment style?

Some of my comments are very simple, some of my comments are very long. I've tried to get more consistent about commenting ever since starting to write, because I know how important it is. Unfortunately, I also read a lot less now that I'm writing more.

16. How many works in progress do you currently have? Will you finish them all?

I have 5 WIPs! I'm very confident I'll finish them all.

17. what’s the longest it’s ever taken you to finish a fandom project?

I guess my worldkiller Kara fic took a bit over 3 months, though part of that was spacing with the Supercorp Big Bang.

I tend to write fast. One of the things I'm actually trying to do is slow down to fill out the story a bit more.

18. Describe the thing you made most recently in a way that is technically true, but also completely misleading. Link the thing if it’s published!

Lena has a bad day in the lab (Clockwork).

19. Do you ever engage with fanworks for a fandom you’re not in? Which one(s) and how did you get into it?

I totally engage in fanart from other fandoms that cross my dashboard, particularly korrasami. I don't tend to read fanfic of stuff I haven't engaged in, though.

20. Recommend a fan work from your fandom to your followers

This fanvid is probably my favorite in the entire fandom.

Suggested tag list, but there are no rules here, follow your heart.

A mutual you have never actually spoken to but think seems cool - oh there are so many of these!! I am tagging @mssirey who I don't think I've had a proper convo with yet

The most recent person whose content you engaged with (eg read a fic, reblogged art, whatever form you feel best fits) - @thealieninhiding (though by the time I finish this very long post it might be someone else lol)

Someone whose content you saw via tags/reblogs and you followed them because of it - @jadedloverart!

Someone in your fandom that you think makes cool things - @ekingston

Someone in a different fandom that you think makes cool things - tagging @thatonebirdwrites who makes korrasami stuff too

Someone you always tag on things like this - I'm not sure there's someone I always tag but I'll pick @nottawriter as one of the people I frequently tag when I do these things

Someone you have never tagged before - @rebellionbear have I tagged you before?? you are cool so I am tagging you!

Someone you would like to get to know better - @femslashhistorian

Someone who makes art you like - @awaitingrain along with others above!

Someone who writes fics you like - @luthordamnvers along with others above!