#make my butt bigger

[miquella-everywhere]

So my brain has been spinning ever since I came across this blurb in the interview with Miyazaki

And I'm just like... huffing copium honestly lol Because Miquella is so important to the story of Elden Ring and his goals seem so grand that imo having his story contained solely within the DLC seems kinda... underwhelming???? So I'm thinking that maybe Miyazaki is actually throwing us for a loop because I know he likes to downplay stuff, but I'm also biased because I want Miq to have his Age of Abundance so bad 😭

So yeah

[zeb-mod]

made a workout outfit

[pudgy-planets]

Need to start doing more squats.

[moomoogothgf]

I CANNOT WAIT

To pop my first button.

Then I know I have fully evolved into a good chubby cow😇

[throwupgirl]

being on birth control used to make me sooo dysphoric bc the weight gain always went directly to my boobs but post surgery + beimg back on it i am proud to announce that my boobs being gone has forced the birth control to finally give me an ass. peace and love on planet transgenderism

[rapharoon]

I literally never post on here LOL

Anyways here, have my version of a Rottmnt Mona

(May or may not have had a little inspiration from a certain female wrestler)

[landofgay]

very rad how everything I read about ovarian cyst pain is that it has to go away on it's own and shouldn't last as long as my pain has and doctors won't do much even after it's diagnosed so then I have to wonder again what my diagnosis is cause I don't think I have PCOS or endometriosis so what the fuck is causing this pain and how can I stop it without anti inflammatories cause they hurt my stomach in a different way

[bronan]

he is 6′2″. and he is a plague upon these lands

[sapsolais]

💫

[perfektblau]

here's a pic of my cat's big butt

goodnight everyone

[foldingfittedsheets]

Every sales job I’ve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when you’re chatting with other industry people.

When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. That’s two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. They’re insanely expensive and honestly kind’ve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.

When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.

In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.

If you’ve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: it’s pretty damn big. It’s an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. It’s not subtle.

“Could I get a bag….?”

There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. “Hang on,” I told him.

I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.

The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didn’t have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.

The last man to get one was just kind’ve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, “Well one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?”

“There’s no bags?”

“No store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit it….?” It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasn’t bothered.

He considered this then said, “Bring me the trash bag.”

When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.

“There! Now I don’t have to deal with the box later!”

I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.

If this or my other escapades made you laugh you could pop a tip into my Ko-fi! For more like this check my tag "ffs foibles".

[moomoogothgf]

So do yall remember those mom jeans I supposedly couldn't squeeze into...

If the label says "slim" that means I haven't gotten chubby 😇

Right?!??!😶‍🌫️🙈