#makemefeelchallenge

[msmarvelouswinchester]

What The Heart Wants

Summary - Dean thinks his heart's deepest desire is to cast Michael out of his head but is that really his heart's deepest desire?

Pairing - Dean x Reader

Warning - Angst, Swearing TW : Character Death

A/N - This is written for @katymacsupernatural Make Me Feel Challenge (I hope you cry a little lol)

My prompt was "I don't want an apology"

Spn divider by @talesmaniac89

Beta'd by the lovely @deanwanddamons

"I don’t know. I-I guess you – you hold the pearl and – and concentrate on what your heart desires," Sam said and gave Dean the pearl

"You think it will work?" Dean said looking at the pearl in his hand.

"I guess so," Sam frowned.

"Michael outta my head. Got it,” Dean said and balled up his fist.

"See, it didn't work’” Dean scoffed, "I can still feel Michael in my head banging those doors.”

"Dean?" Dean turned around and his breathing hitched at the sight of you. He couldn't believe his eyes. You looked the same as the last time he saw you.

"Y/N?" Dean said and walked towards you. He stretched out his hands, tangling his fingers with yours. You weren't an image his mind was conjuring up. You were real.

"De, wh-what is this place? Who-are you Sam? Shouldn't you be in college?"

"College? No,” Sam narrowed his eyes at the unknown girl in front of them.

"Dean, what's happening? Why are we here? Shouldn't we be in Omaha?" You looked around the place with confusion in your eyes.

"Omaha? What year is this?" Dean asked.

"2004.” You said.

"No. It's 2020. I think-I think we summoned you.”Dean's voice cracked at the end.

"Summoned me?" You frowned at his words.

"Yeah. Dean, can I talk to you for a second?" Sam asked Dean with his brows raised.

"S-sure", Dean said, his eyes still focused on you, "stay here.” Dean reluctantly let go of your hand. He thought that you would disappear into thin air once he lets you out of your eyesight. He followed his brother to another section of the bunker. Sam started to speak when he realised you were out of their earshot.

"Who is she?" Sam asked.

"Her name is Y/N. She's a hunter. I met her during a ghost hunt after you went off to college. I was hunting alone - Dad was god knows where. She's the toughest hunter I know. She had saved my ass on that ghost hunt,” Dean smiled softly at the memory.

"Then why haven't I met her? How did you summon her?" Sam started firing various questions at his brother.

"You don't know her 'cause she died,” Sam looked up at Dean in surprise, "And I don't know why I summoned her.”

"You had the pearl. It definitely has something to do with you Dean.” Sam frowned at the older Winchester.

"I don't kn-" Dean started to say, but stopped when he noticed Sam frowning at him, "I summoned her maybe because I wanted some more time with her. I loved her Sammy.”

Sam saw something in Dean's eyes he never thought he would see. A small smile was playing on Dean's lips and his eyes shone with a sliver of happiness in them. Sam understood in that moment how important you were to his brother.

"Come on, let's go and properly meet Y/N", Sam said and went back to the library of the bunker,Dean following him.

"It's so nice to meet you Y/N!" Sam pulled you into a bone crushing hug suddenly.

"Can't breathe,”you gasped.

"Sorry,”Sam released you from his hug.

"It's nice to meet you too Sam.”

"I'll leave you two alone. Give you both some space.”

Sam left the room but not before your eyes met with him. His eyes were clouded with various emotions. You couldn't quite place a finger on them, but there was a sense of vulnerability in the way the boys spoke to you. You still hadn't met the 2020 version of yourself and you were dreading meeting her. She was you, but judging by Dean's looks, something bad had happened to you.

"Did I die?" You asked the obvious question. You always knew that your end was going to be bloody - that's what happened to most hunters, but asking about your death still made a shiver run down your spine.

Dean nodded slowly. You squeezed your eyes shut.

"Yes. You die, in front of me,” Dean said and hung his head in shame, "I couldn't save you. I broke the promise. I watched as the werewolf ripped your heart out. I couldn't"- Dean choked on his words.

"When do I-" you lips quivered at the thought of the inevitable.

"Sixteen years ago. On August 25th, 2004,”As Dean said those words, his voice was overwhelmed with sadness.

"So I died two months later and all this time you had to live without me", you said, gasping lightly at the thought. You got up from your seat and walked up to Dean.

"I couldn't do anything. I-I promised to keep you safe,” Dean looked up at you, your own eyes meeting the beautiful green eyes that you loved so much.

"'I'm sorry.” Dean pulled you towards him, pressing his face into your chest. You threaded your fingers lightly through his hair.

"'M sorry,” Dean said again, his voice muffled.

"I don't want an apology, Dean,” you said. Dean let go of you, a single tear rolled down his cheek. You went down on your knees, your face now directly in front of his.

"I know", Dean said, his voice strained, "I know you can never forgive me. It's all my fault. I-I should have protected you. I-" you cut off his words by pressing your lips onto his. You felt Dean kissing you back and you melted into the kiss. You finally broke the kiss when you felt your lungs screaming for air.

"Dean, I don't want an apology, because you have nothing to apologise for. My death was inevitable. Baby, we are hunters, that's the only way we will go out,”you cleared your throat, tears were streaming down your face too, "You need to understand it's not your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself. You need to forgive yourself.”

"I never forgave myself Y/N/N. I loved you so much. I still do. I still think about you every night. I-I still think how everything would have turned out if you didn't-" Dean said. Your heart broke for the man in front of you. He was Dean Winchester, he was your Dean but something was so different about him. He didn't seem as carefree as he was in 2004.

"What happened to you?" you asked the man in front of you. He looked like the shell of the man he once was. His eyes were now almost emotionless. Something terrible had happened to him. "What happened to you, Dean?"

"Heaven, hell, purgatory - everything.” Dean scoffed.

"Hey Y/N? I hope you like pizza because we don't have anything else in here,” Sam chuckled while coming back to the library with a big box of pizza and three bottles of beer.

You nodded, glad that Sam came by to interrupt your conversation with Dean.

"So how did this whole summoning thing happen?" You asked, biting into a slice of pizza.

"The archangel Michael is riding shotgun in my head. We got hold of a pearl which fulfills your heart's deepest desire. I was using it to cast Michael out of my head which resulted in summoning you,”Dean said and shrugged at you.

"Archangel Michael? What happened in these last sixteen years, boys?"

"So you boys saved the world, huh?" You couldn't help but feel proud for the boys. You were also feeling a little sad, knowing that you wouldn't be with the boys throughout their adventures.

"More than twice.” Sam said excusing himself when his phone rang.

"So what do you think?" you asked the man who was stuffing his face with pizza. You giggled at his childish behaviour. All these years, and he hadn’tchanged at all.

"Thinb abaf whap?" Dean asked with his mouth full.

"This. What if this is a second chance?" You asked.

Dean swallowed down his food.

“Second chance for a Winchester, that's rare,”Dean scoffed.

“What if this is the second chance? You deserve it, Dean. You both deserve some happiness in your life,”you told him

“Uh-guys, I think we have a problem. See this”, Sam came back to the library and showed the video that was playing on his phone to you and Dean who gave you a ‘I told you so’ look and turned to his brother.

“What? I always knew you were a nerd but this is- what is this? Welcome to Sam Winchester’s TED talk?” Dean scrunched up his face in disgust when he heard Sam talk about the benefits of eating Kale, “Dude, this is weird - even for us! But you are here with us, then who is that Kale loving weirdo?”

“I think it's a temporal paradox,”Sam said.

“A temporal what?” Dean asked.

“Y/N from 2004 is zapped to 2020 so the timeline is correcting itself. If Y/N doesn't die, I never went back to hunting life because you both searched for Dad and killed the yellow eyed Demon and that means”-

“That means Mom doesn't come back and you become this Sam ‘I love Kale’ Winchester,”Dean cut off Sam’s words and completed the sentence himself.

“So how do we get this back to normal?” You asked the brothers.

“No, you are not serious about going back...I don't wanna lose you again, sweetheart,”Dean croaked out.

"I know. But if I don't go back, you will never get Sam back or your mom. It's me against your mother and brother.” You cracked a smile at Dean.

“I guess destroying the pearl will send you back,” Sam said.

“Let's do it then.”You swallowed thickly. You didn't want to leave Dean but it was wrong. This wasn't your life. You should be dead.

“No please, let's think this through. There has to be another way. We can make this work.” Dean pleaded.

“De, I know how you're feeling. It's honestly killing me to say goodbye to you, but you gotta understand, you have lived sixteen years without me - that's your life. This isn't your life. You gotta let me go,”you said.

Dean pulled you into a tight embrace. He clinged onto you as if his life depended on it. You pressed your lips on Dean's head.

“Dean look at me.” You cradled his face in your hands, making him look up. His eyes were starting to tear up. You had never seen Dean Winchester like this, and it shattered your heart.

“I know even if I say it, it won't make things better but it will be okay.” you softly said. Dean let go of you but pulled you into a bruising kiss.

“Do it Sammy.”Dean said after breaking the kiss.

Sam took the pearl and placed it on the table. He got a bowl to smash the pearl.

“It's okay. I love you.” you said, pecking Dean's lips one more time.

“I love you too.” Dean said and Sam smashed the pearl.

Dean continued to hold onto you until you disappeared into thin air and his hands were only holding onto air.

“I am sorry Dean,” Sam said, “you were truly happy for once.”

“I was because she was the best thing that had ever happened to me.” Dean said.

.

.

Forever taglist - @donnaintx @devil-in-my-boots @amandamdiehl @miss-nerd95

Dean/Jensen Taglist - @akshi8278 @mrsjenniferwinchester @jensengirl83

[unnuevosoltransformalarealidad]

Let Me Love You

Title: Let Me Love You

Summary: Reader gets injured during a hunt bringing memories from the past.

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader

Prompt: #11 Not everyone is going to hurt you

Warnings: Panic attack (Kind of); insecurities, injuries, past abusive relationship

Word Count: 2,909

This was written for the Make Me Feel Challenge of @katymacsupernatural .

A/N: This wasn’t proof-read, so any mistake in there is on me. English is not my mother tongue, so if you find any gross mistake, please let me know. I really appreciate it. Enjoy the reading!

You've known Sam and Dean for a long time, but you’ve been staying with them at the Bunker for a little more than two years. Dean was your best friend and protective big brother, and Sam, he was the love of your life. You’ve had a crush on the guy for Chuck knows how long, and thanks to Dean you were able to admit how you both felt and started dating. At first everything was perfect between you two.

-Argh, you two are so adorable -Dean said getting his go-to bag ready for the hunt

-Stop it! -Sam said while I hid my blushed face from him

-Oh man! I think I’m going to be sick

-What?! Dean, are you ok? -I say leaving Sam and coming closer to him to check him up

-You two are too adorable, that’s all

Sam and I rolled our eyes, and I left the war room to go packing a few things I was forgetting. Even though I was so happy with Sam, my feelings were still confused. There were parts of my past that they didn’t know. We practically grew up together, but i’ve got back to them a few years ago, first it was a phone call to Dean asking for help; some years later was running into them and catched up a little on our lives; and then, thanks Chuck for technology you were able to keep in touch a lot more, and after that you started to hung out with them and finally a permanent staying. Of course, nothing of that was perfect, they had been to hell and back, you’ve been dealing with some nasty stuff, being almost dead forever and everything. But there was a part of you that they didn’t know and you weren't sure to be ever ready to share it. At some point you will have to talk about it, mostly because you wanted to avoid having secrets to Sam. 

Before getting back in touch with the Winchesters, you had the perfect life. A loving husband, hunting when and where it was really necessary, the job of your dreams, everything a good hunter always wished for, but all that perfection ended when your beloved husband found out you were still hunting and you kept contact with the Winchesters. That’s when the psychological abuse started. He made you feel useless, unloved, that you were a burden and that nobody cared about you, not even the Winchesters, no one. Then, would be the beating, from the smallest mistakes to being locked up for days for contact with any friends or family, the beating was so much severe if you talked with any of the Winchesters. You were really scared of him, you even considered making a deal with Crowley or Death to get rid of him, or just kill you because you couldn’t stand it anymore. You’ve suffered all that for almost a year and a half until you got the call of his partner giving you the news that he was dead after a wendigo hunt had gone wrong. He asked you what you wanted to do, without thinking it twice you told him you wanted to salt and burn his body, he was hunting you on your nightmares, you didn’t want him hunting you in anywhere else. Almost a year after that, you run into Sam and Dean and the rest is history.

-Babe, you ready? -Sam interrupted your thoughts

-What? -You said scared -Oh, you scared me Sam!

-Woah, babe, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Is everything ok? -Sam approached you with his furrowed brows

-I think I might have zoned out -you say grabbing his waist to hug him

-Sometimes I wonder what’s going on that pretty head of yours -he says kissing your hair

-I’m pretty sure you won’t -you chuckles -Are we leaving soon?

-Yeah, in half an hour or so. It shouldn’t be a long hunt but it’s far and you know how Dean is

-Yeah, I do. I’ll finish packing in ten and I’ll meet you at the door, ok?

-You want me to help?

-Can you pack my guns and knives with yours? I don’t trust them to Dean

-Sure thing love -Sam says, he gives you a peck on your lips and then he leaves the room.

You decided to start packing your essentials and then continuing with your go-to bag with some clothing of yours and Sam’s as well.

Once in the road, Sam sat shotgun and you behind Dean as always. The hunt was two hours away and you decided to do more research on the case on the trip to keep your mind distracted.

-Does anyone else have the feeling that this can’t be too simple? -you cut the silence

-What are you suggesting Y/N? -Dean asked curious

-I don’t know, but I’ve got the feeling that this is too easy and we are not seeing it

-We will see when we get there -Dean said

-Don’t worry hun, we will be fine. Let’s enjoy the ride -Sam added

You shut the computer and decided to look through the window and try to enjoy the trip as your boyfriend said.

At some point you fell asleep and somebody was shaking you calling you by your name

-Y/N baby, wake up

-What? What’s going on?

-Sweetheart, are you ok? -Dean asked concerned

-Yeah, why? Are we there yet?

-Honey, you were struggling, like fighting -Sam said with his puppy eyes

-It looked like it was a nightmare -Dean said knowing the feeling

-Do you want to talk about it? -Sam asked -Guys, I’m fine, seriously. I don’t even remember what I was dreaming. Probably was my body trying to get comfortable in the lack of space

-If you are having nightmares you can come to talk to us Y/N. We are here to help you, ok?

-I know guys, don’t worry -I say and I got to the same position I was

-We are almost there, don’t get too comfy in there -Dean said putting Baby back on the road

Actually, I did remember what I was dreaming. It was one of the last big fights I had with my ex Brandon. I fought so hard that I was able to break his nose but I ended up with a sprained elbow, a few broken ribs, a black eye, a concussion and if it wasn’t because his partner had called, I would have ended up dead. Clearly being close to the date he died was affecting you and that your relationship with Sam was developing it affected as well. You knew the following days were going to be difficult.

The hunt took two days and actually it was just a simple salt and burn, but the spirit turned out to be a vengeful spirit and it was really angry, that spirit gave the three of you quite a fight. You three were injured by that spirit but you had the most serious one, you dislocated your elbow on the fall and probably sprained your wrist, but you were used to that kind of pain, you never got the chance to get a proper recovery for those injuries. You were being all jumpy around the boys and every time they wanted to help you due to your arm, you would snapped at them. They knew that your last boyfriend died while hunting a wendigo a few years ago. But they didn’t know the whole truth, and right now, being injured in this way brought too many bad memories back along with the anxiety and all the nightmares.

The boys noticed the change before you realized it. Your mood has changed, you weren’t over Sam, you grew distant with them, less talkative more jumpy, they notice you were getting anxious as well

-Y/N, baby, is everything alright? -Sam asked you worried during dinner

-Yes, everything is fine. -You said harshly

Sam and Dean looked at each other and Dean asked you what Sam wanted to know

-Did he hit you?

-What? -you looked at them confused

-You heard me. Answer me Y/N -He was pissed off

-Who? Brandon? No!

-Y/N... -Dean said softly and caring, changing his demeanor completely

-No Dean! Why would you think that? -You got really angry, even though it was true, they couldn't know the truth.

-Well, because… -He got upset and you left the motel room

-Dean! Enough! Look what you've done. Why would you suggest that? -Sam snapped at his brother and went after you.

-I’m sorry Sam, but you were wondering the same as well. One of us had to do it -Dean said before Sam’s reached the door

-Yeah Dean, of course I was curious about that. But I wasn’t planning on asking her just like that, It’s not even a year since I started dating her, and she doesn’t trust me enough to open up about that stuff. And now that she was starting to open up a little you just blow it.

-I’m sorry man, I didn’t know.

-Of course you didn’t Dean. It’s not something she is sharing with the world. Pack the stuff, I’ll go get her -Sam said leaving the motel room.

Sam found you sitting on the back of Baby crying. He didn’t say anything, and just put a hand around your shoulders.

-Can we go home? -you asked

-Yes love. Dean is already packing. You stay here, I’ll pack our things -Sam said and kissed your forehead before leaving.

The three of you were coming back to the bunker after the hunt and that little confrontation between you and Dean. You weren’t paying attention to them, you were kind of asleep, not paying attention to anything. Just relaxed.

-Y/N? Are you with us? -Sam asked turning around to see you

-Sweetheart -Dean called you

-I’m sorry, what? -You said, realizing you were out of your mind

-Dean asked you what do you want for dinner -Sam said

-Uhm, whatever you picked is fine for me

-Are you sure you are alright? -Sam pushed

-Yeah, i’m just tired, that’s all -I say giving them a little smile. Dean kept looking at me from the rearview mirror more than I wanted to; I had to look away because he made me feel uncomfortable.

You got back on the same position you were before Sam interrupted your mind. You were staring through the window when your mind brought back some memories of your fights with Brandon because of your fight with Dean, you wanted to apologize to him, it wasn’t his fault, he was just worried about you. Those memories made you shiver. It was a bad place going back there and clearly you wanted it to avoid it, so you put your earphones on and let Baby soothed you to sleep.

You got woken up by Sam shaking your shoulders. You were in the middle of the road not even close to the bunker.

-What’s going on? -you ask rubbing your eyes

-I could ask you the same Y/N. You were screaming. Is everything okay? You’ve been having nightmares for a while now. You know you can come to me if… -Sam says worried

-I’m fine Sam, don’t worry. Where are we?

-We did a stop so Dean could rest a little before we got to a motel. You know that he won’t let me drive, so this was the best.

-Yeah, that makes sense.

-I hope i’m not bothering you here, but I wanted..

-It’s ok Sam, really. I understand -you interrupted him

-How is your arm? -Sam asks you changing the subject

-My arm? Oh yeah! It’s pretty good, I barely have any pain -you said. 

-Are you sure? Can I check it? You had a pretty bad landing

You just nodded and let him check your wrist. Every move he did with your wrist made you hiss in pain, and something you noticed was that your elbow was swollen as well, you just hoped Sam didn’t notice, which in fact he did.

-Y/N, sweetie,  did you injure your elbow too?

You don’t answer immediately; you know it’s probably broken, the amount of trauma you had suffered in your arms in the past was a huge factor of getting injured pretty easily, but you had to be tough and hide it from them. 

-Y/N/N? -Sam calls you again

-I don’t know. Probably not, it doesn’t hurt, maybe it was because of the fall -you said trying to avoid the talk that has to come

-I don’t think so, baby. Your wrist is definitely sprained, probably broken, and your elbow seems to be injured too. I think we should...

Before Sam continues talking you interrupted him

-Sam, babe, can we keep talking at home? I’m tired right now and to be honest, I would like you to hold me for a little.

Sam doesn’t say anything, and just hugs you until you fall asleep.

A few hours later, you woke up and Dean was parking Baby in front of a room. Clearly, you were at a motel to rest for the night, which you weren’t going to complain, sleeping on a bed sounded really good. Sam wanted to help you change your clothes to something more comfortable to sleep with but you didn’t want to.

-Sam, I can do it. I will tell you if I need help -you said frustrated

-I know, love, but I don’t want your injuries get worse

-DON’T! -You yelled at him when he touched your injured arm

You were done with hiding, with him treating you as if you were made of crystal, you were done. Sam was looking at you confused, he tried to reach for you again, but you stepped back from him like if you were scared. You didn’t know if it was Sam who was approaching you or if your mind was messing with you and you were seeing Brandon.

-Y/N, baby, it’s me, Sam -he said worried

-Don’t! Don’t come any closer, please

-Ok, ok, sweetie. I’m going to stay here. Let me help you

-You don’t want to help me! You want to beat me again -you said between sobs

-Y/N?

-I didn’t do anything, it wasn’t my fault, please forgive me

Your body was shaking, your breathing was laboured, fast and short, you were crying and sobbing. Your mind was out of place. Your mind and body were remembering your last fight with Brandon, the night you almost got killed

-Y/N/N breathe. You need to breathe, please baby -Sam said really worried taking small steps to come closer to you

Dean entered the room and saw the whole situation. He didn’t understand what was going on, but Sam made a sign to not make any noise.

-Please, hun, forgive me. I didn’t mean it

-It’s ok love. I’ll forgive you, please breathe

-Please forgive me! I didn’t mean to get hurt

You were a mess, your breathing was getting worse and you would pass out anytime soon if you didn’t take a proper breath. Sam was getting closer and your body was getting smaller of the fear you were experiencing

-I’ll forgive Y/N. It’s ok, don’t worry about your injuries, we will take care of it

-Please, don’t hit me. I was reckless, I’m sorry. I’m so. -you fainted

Sam was quickly and was able to catch you before hitting the floor. He shared an understanding look with Dean. Sam gently laid you on the floor, waiting for you to come back from unconsciousness.

After some minutes, you wake up on the floor with your head on Sam’s lap and with Dean next to him, both of them looking at you with sad eyes

-Hi sweetheart -Dean said handing you a water bottle

-How are you feeling? -Sam asked you helping you sitting up

-I’m sorry -you said not looking at any of them

-Don’t be love -Sam said -It’s ok

-No, it’s not Sam. I’ve lied to you, both of you. And now, you’ve seen the worst of it

-You weren’t ready to talk about it, and I pushed you -Dean said grabbing your hand -I should be apologizing, not you.

-I don’t know what you have been through with Brandon, but you need to know that not everyone is going to hurt you -Sam said 

-And while you are with us, no one is going to do it. We are going to protect you -Dean added

-Thank you guys. I’m sorry for not trusting you sooner

-It’s ok, love; you weren’t ready and we understand it

Dean got up from Sam’s side and went to kiss your forehead

-No one is going to hurt you anymore -Dean said to you -Promise -he added

Sam grabbed your hand and gave it a little squeeze, he cupped your cheek with his other hand, never leaving your eyes

-I promise you Y/N, while you are around me, no one is going to hurt you. You’ll be safe

-Thank you Sammy. I love you

-I love you too Y/N -he said it, and kissed you on the lips

It was the first time that you felt safe. You knew that they would never hurt you, and they would never let anyone hurt you either. Now, you have your perfect family.

Tag List (If you want to be part of it let me know) (I tagged some SPN writers I love too)

@iguessweallcrazyithinktho

@void-hoechlin

@mrspeacem1nusone

@thevelvetseries

@supernatural-jackles

@luci-in-trenchcoats

@impala-dreamer

[waywardnerd67]

Be Who You Are

Summary: She fell in love at first sight. Their relationship was everything either of them could dream of concerning the life they lead. However, their dream quickly turned into a nightmare leaving scars deep beneath sight of others.  Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, OMC (Unnamed), Reader Pairing: Dean x Reader / Dean x OMC (unnamed) Warnings: Angst/Cheating/Sexual Identity Questions Word Count: 3019 Prompt: “I trusted you!” A/N: This is for @katymacsupernatural​ Make Me Feel Challenge! This is based on a real conversation I had with my ex-husband one week before we got married. Be yourself. Love yourself. Love each other.

(Y/N) looked down at her phone, “After two in the morning…” she whispered looking to the empty side of the bed.

Getting up, she slid into her slippers and made her way out of the bedroom she shared with her boyfriend, Dean Winchester. Walking into the kitchen, she was surprised to find Sam sitting at the table with his laptop and coffee.

“Can’t sleep?” she chuckled as she startled him.

“Jesus… you scared the crap out of me.” Sam took a deep breath, “Yeah. Found a case but can’t seem to get a hold of Dean.”

(Y/N)’s hand trembled as she grabbed her own coffee mug, “Do you think he got into trouble?”

Turning she watched Sam shrugged, “I really don’t know. I tried tracking his phone but it’s off. I think I’m going to call Jody and see if she can help me out.”

“You want me to tag along?” She decided that coffee was a bad idea and started to heat up the water in her kettle.

Sam shook his head, “No, you stay here for when Dean comes home. Just make sure you give him a slap upside the head for me.”

He placed his cup in the sink giving her a side hug, “Will do. Be safe Sam.”

She watched him walk out leaning against the counter. It was unlike Dean to shut off his phone and being out late. After making her tea she wandered into the library sitting down at her own laptop. Her heart beat rapidly as she ran her fingers on the keys on her laptop. She did not want to spy on her boyfriend, but the last couple of months he had been disappearing for hours at a time.

Pulling up the cell site she typed in his phone number and watched as it lit up on the map. He was on the move heading towards The Bunker from Omaha, Nebraska. Immediately, her shoulders relaxed seeing he was okay. She shut her computer, heading back to her room and called his cell.

“Hey sweetheart.” His deep, raspy voice sent shivers down her spine.

“Where are you? I woke up and you hadn’t been home yet.” There was an unsettling feeling deep within her stomach.

He cleared his throat, “I’m sorry, Sam called me about a case so I decided to check it out on my own. Turned out to be nothing. I think Jody called him about a case in her corner of the country so he’s headed up there while I come home to you.”

She wrapped her arm around her stomach as pain radiated from it. He was lying to her. He had never lied to her even when they first met. (Y/N)’s mind began to race as she began to question everything he had recently told her.

“(Y/N)? You there?” his voice pierced through her thoughts bringing her back to her reality.

“Y-Yeah, sorry handsome. Drive safe and... w-wake me when you get home.” She tried to keep her voice even and calm though she was screaming madly within her mind.

Saying goodbye Dean ended the call and tears began to stream down her face. Questions were flying through her mind and then her stomach lurched upward. (Y/N) quickly grabbed her trash bin emptying her dinner into it. She tied off the bag picking it up and heading towards the bathrooms. Tossing the bag in the corner as she walked towards one of the sinks. Splashing water on her face and drinking a handful to wash out the vomit taste.

(Y/N) looked up to her reflection. Her face was ghostly pale except her puffy eyes that shined with a new wave of tears. She could not tell what was water droplets and tears. There was only one reason he would lie and her stomach dropped. Swallowing hard, she drank another handful of water before reaching over for the washcloth hanging from a hook. Running it under the cool water, she brought it up to her face dabbing it against her warm skin.

Taking a few deep breaths, (Y/N) made her way back towards their shared room. She stopped in front of her old bedroom running her finger tips over the knob before wrapping her around it, turning and opening the door. She still had a few personal items in there and her old blanket. (Y/N) lay down pulling the blanket over herself and let her tears flow freely until her body gave in to exhaustion.

***

(Y/N) squinted her eyes against the blinding sun shining down on her. Glancing over to her right she found Dean laying next to her on Baby’s hood. Her favorite memory of her relationship with Dean. Their clothes were covered in ghoul gunk so they pulled off to a nearby lake washing them out as best they could. Dean had pulled a blanket out from the trunk laying it out over the hood. With nothing but their boots and under garments, they laid out under the sun waiting for their clothes to dry.

Her eyes traveled the length of his body. Biting her bottom lip when she looked upon a sizable bulge within his boxer-briefs. Her attraction to Dean had always been there from the moment they met cutting vamps’ heads off. As they grew closer as friends and partners her feelings ran deeper for him.

“Take a picture, it lasts longer.” His deep drawl made her shiver.

“I would but my phone is dead.” (Y/N) chuckled.

Dean smirked peeking open one of his eyes, “So, you would take a picture of my nearly naked body?”

(Y/N) nodded unable to form words as Dean sat up reaching towards the wipers of Baby. When he turned back around he held his phone up the distinct click of the camera app. (Y/N) tried her best to cover herself as Dean’s laughter echoed throughout the empty clearing they were parked at.

“Dean! Don’t take pictures of me!” she shouted, sliding off the hood and hiding by the passenger door.

Dean slid off the hood as well pulling the blanket with him. He held it out for her and wrapped it along with his long arms around her, “Why wouldn’t I take pictures of a beautiful, naked woman?”

(Y/N) turned in his arms scoffing, “Naked yes, but beautiful…” she was cut off by his lips pressing against hers.

“You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Not just your smokin’ body, but you’re a badass with a machete and you know every song made by Zeppelin.” He chuckled running one hand down the back of his neck.

“Dean… this life is filled…”

Looking up into his eyes all words ceased to come out of her mouth. All she knew in that moment, (Y/N) only wanted to be in his arms and by his side. She pushed herself up pressing her lips against his his and wrapping her arms around his neck. It was a slow, passion filled kiss that sealed their fates together. Where he would go, she would follow and vice versa. Dean scooped her up suddenly, a loud giggle escaping her lips as he opened the door to the backseat. They spent the rest of the night making love and sleeping in the back of Baby.

***

(Y/N) opened her eyes slowly as she tried to move, unable to do so. She found an arm secured around her waist and the happiness filling her heart from the trip down memory lane vanished. She glanced back seeing Dean sleeping peacefully behind her. Turning carefully to face him, he rolled onto his back and the blanket slipped down to his waist.

Dean was just as handsome as he was that day at the lake. Over the course of seven years, he had new scars scattered throughout his body. The crinkle lines fanned out on either side of his eyes were a little deeper when he laughed or smiled. Salt and pepper was spreading from his temples and even more so when he let his beard grow out. Even over forty now, his body was in tip top shape. Constantly sparring with Sam and training by himself.

The heaviest on her heart made her chest ache, but looking over him made a deep ache throb between her legs. No matter what was going on or how hurt she was by him lying to her, (Y/N) needed him. She needed to know he still needed her. As her trembling hand pulled the blanket off of them gently. The animalistic need to be with him was masking the ache in her chest.

Pressing her lips against the tender spot of his neck made him stir slightly. A small sigh escaping his lips as her own trailed down his chest. Sitting up, (Y/N) carefully straddled his waist, slipping an old t-shirt of his over her head leaving her body bare except for her panties.  Leaning down, she peppered his lips with soft kisses.

When his eyes opened a small smile spread across his face, “Well good morning to you too, sweetheart.”

Pressing her lips firm against his, running the tip of her tongue over his lower lip deepening the kiss, “I need you,” she whispered against his mouth as no other words were needed for Dean to react.

After a morning of love-making in various places in the Bunker, they ended up in the library drinking coffee as (Y/N)’s feet rested on his lap. The ache in her chest was still there but not overwhelming her like it had the previous night. Dean’s eyes were skimming an article on his computer screen with a small, satisfied smile was on his lips.

Over the next few weeks, things seemed to settle back to normal. Working a few cases together and for the last few days relaxing within the Bunker. Her feet were resting on Dean’s lap as he was reading articles online. His phone buzzed against the table and when she looked up there was a familiar look upon his face. His eyes read the text on his screen as the crinkles flanking them spread from the wide smile crossing his face. Just as quick as it appeared the smile disappeared.

“What is it?” (Y/N) sat up removing her feet as Dean closed his laptop.

He stood up from the table, “It’s Claire. She needs some help with a case in Omaha, Nebraska since Jody and Donna are with Sam. Should be no more than a few days. I’m going to go get my stuff.”

Dean leaned down kissing the top of her head as he walked past her. The mention of Omaha had her stomach dropping and heart pounding. Her eyes landed on his phone resting on the table and before she could think, (Y/N) picked it up. Unlocking the screen with a simple swipe, she found the message still up from him reading it.

“Red Dirt Motel - Room 1111. 8PM.”

It was an unfamiliar number with no name assigned to it. She locked the screen setting it back down when she heard Dean coming from their room. He pulled her up into his arms hugging her tightly and then kissing her.

“I’ll text you to let you know we’re safe. Love you.” He slipped his phone into his pocket as he headed for the door.

“I love you too.” She whispered upon hearing the door shut close.

Within the hour, she was in her car following the directions on her GPS to the Red Dirt Motel. Blaring her music to drown out her thoughts and all the unanswered questions overwhelming her. Four hours flew by and she found herself in the parking lot of the motel staring at Dean’s car. It was parked next to an old red pick-up truck with Nebraska license plate.

A large lump of bile lodging in her throat as she made her way towards the door marked 1111. As she was in front of the door, she could hear Dean’s deep moan coming from the room. Her stomach lurched and she wrapped her arms around herself. (Y/N) found herself leaning over the hood of Baby. When she was confident that she was not going to vomit everywhere, she turned back towards the door.

Pressing her ear to the door, she could hear the echo of skin smacking together and moans. Pulling away from the door, tears streamed down her face and then her body felt like it was on fire. Burning rage flowing through her veins, she slammed her fist against the door.

“Go away!” Dean yelled out as a low moan from whomever he was with came through the door.

She pounded on the door again hearing him cursing before swinging open the door, “What the fuck do you…”

His green eyes went wide and his face paled upon seeing her standing there. He was clutching a thin sheet around his waist and that is when (Y/N) caught a glimpse of who he was with. Suddenly, she felt like all the air had been knocked out of her.

“Handsome, who is it?” the naked man on all fours called out over his shoulder.

Her eyes connected with Dean’s once more before she turned on her heels heading back to her car. She could hear him calling out to her but her focus was to get as far away as she possibly could from the scene before her. The last thing she saw was Dean hurriedly getting into Baby as the dust from her tired peeling out hid him from her view.

(Y/N) had to pull over a few times during the four hours back to the Bunker. Unable to to comprehend where she missed the signs of Dean being attracted to men. Sure, there was a little something between him and Castiel that edged the border between lovers and friendship. Other than that, she had never once noticed him being any different around men than just being a typical dude.

When she entered the Bunker, Sam was waiting for her with arms wide open. Immediately, she unleashed the tidal wave of tears that had built up.

“D-Did… did you know?” she whispered looking up into his hazel eyes.

He shook his head, “No. All I know is what he just told me which was that you found him with someone else.”  

(Y/N) scoffed, “Yeah. I can’t stay here and I know he will be here soon.” The look on Sam’s face told her that he already was.

“He’s waiting for you.” Sam gave her an extra tight squeeze before he made his way towards the Bunker door.

She took a deep breath before walking towards their room. Standing at the door she found him sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.

“How long?” she asked walking into the room keeping some distance between them.

When he looked up at her, his olive eyes were shining with tears, “Six months.”

(Y/N) went to her side of the bed grabbing her bag from under it, “What’s his name?”

“Does it matter?” he asked standing up as she placed the bag on the bed.

“No it doesn’t. It will take me some time to find a place of my own, but for now I will go stay with Jody and the girls.” She went to the dress on his side to grab some clothes.

Dean placed his hand on her shoulder making her flinch, “Y--You’re leaving?”

She spun around knocking his hand off her, “Of course I am. I can’t live here with you.”

“(Y/N), I don’t want to lose you. I want to be with you. I love you.” His voice cracked slightly and tears slipped down his cheeks.

(Y/N) stepped away from him, “Dean, I don’t care that you’re attracted to men. It’s fine, honestly. However, I can’t give you that. I lack the required parts for that and I don’t want to be in an open relationship or a poly relationship. It’s best to end it now so we can both move on with our lives and live them how we want.”

She turned back around grabbing her clothes and other items needed as he spoke, “It’s over between us, (Y/N). I drank a little too much after a hunt and was curious. I went there to tell him it was off between us because the last few weeks with you made me realize you’re all I want. It will never happen again.”

She tossed all her things in the bag as he came up behind her wrapping his arms around her. She turned pushing him as hard as she could away from her.

“I trusted you!” she yelled as he moved towards her again, “Stop! Don’t come near me. You need to find out who you are and just be him. Just be who you are no matter what that means. I will work something out with Sam about getting the rest of my things once I have a place. We need space apart from each other. Figure out who we are as individuals.”

Grabbing her bag, she walked out of the room towards the garage. When she reached her car she heard him calling out to her.

“(Y/N), wait!” As she turned towards him, he was holding out her blanket, “You f-forgot this.”

“Thank you.” she whispered, placing it over her bag in the trunk.

He grabbed her hand, “Is there anything that will change your mind?”

She shook her head as he let go of her and she got into her car. As she pulled out of the garage, (Y/N) looked back to see the man her whole world revolved around retreating back into the Bunker. For the first time in a long time, she had no idea what life had in store for her. All she was sure of was letting go of the one she loved most was the right thing to do.

If you enjoyed this story then check out my Masterlist!

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[katymacsupernatural]

Katy’s Make Me Feel Challenge

I just recently hit a new follower milestone...6,400!!! Thanks to each and everyone who are following me, I really appreciate it!

To honor this milestone, I thought we’d try a new challenge. I haven’t done a challenge in a while.

This one is all about the feelings. I want it to tug at my heart. To make me cry. I want it angsty.

Rules:

Must be following me.

Must be Supernatural related. RPF is fine. Reader insert is preferred, but I will accept anything.

Send me an Ask with prompt # and pairing.

When posting your story, tag me, along with the tag: #makemefeelchallenge, 

Can be any other genre you want, as long as it has some angst to it as well. It can have a happy ending, as long as there is angst mixed in as well!

Stories will need to be posted by August 31st.

Allowing only two people per prompt.

Prompts:

1.) “I don’t want your apology.” (Dean x Reader, @laphirablack) @marvelouslysherlockedhunter - What the Heart Wants

2.) “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.” (Dean, @roonyxx) (Sam, @loveisdonewell)

3.) “We are not the same and never will be.” (Dean, @wingedcatninja)

4.) “Please, look at me.” ( Happy For You @superbadassnatural)

5.) “Don’t give me space. That’s the last thing I want.” (sister fic, @mlovesstories), (Dean, @wonderfulworldofwinchester) (Dean, @foxywritter101)

6.) “Do you ever mean the things you say?” (Dean x Reader, @deanmonandnegansbitch)

7.) “Can you kiss me? One last time? That’s all I ask.”

8.) “You...you never had a problem with it before.” ( One X @moosekateer13)

9.) “I can’t think straight with you.”

10.) “Am I too late?”(Dean x Reader, @jerkbitchidjitassbutt) 

11.) “Not everyone is going to hurt you.” (Sam, @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad)

12.) “Shh, it’s okay. It was just a dream.” @idksupernatural

13.) “That’s...a lot of blood.” (The Sharp Knife of a Short Life @atc74​)

14.) “Please, open your eyes. Stay with me.” (Dean x Reader @animegirlgeeky)

15.) “I trusted you!” (Dean x Reader, @waywardnerd67​) (Hasta Que Te Conoci Jensen x Reader, @deanmonandnegansbitch)

[moosekateer13]

One X

For @katymacsupernatural​‘s Katy’s Make Me Feel Challenge!

Prompt: “You…you never had a problem with it before.”

Jared Padalecki x reader

Summary:  it’s been a rollercoaster for Y/N these past few years.

Seeing something she never expected to sends her into another breakdown. Can her friend Jared, who is one her few constants in her life help pick her back? Warnings: Angst, Insecure reader , Self Deprecation, Fluff

Inspire by Three Day Grace’s One X

127 E Riverside Dr, Texas

Crescent Apartments

I came here to Texas for a fresh start to get way from people like her.

It didn't work.

The walls feel like they are closing in and the air feels thick in my apartment.

 I can believe out of all people I’d run into her what the hell is she even doing in Texas.

She should be back in Canada.  Seeing  my ex bestie Emmy triggered my PTSD. It pulls me back to the rough year I had the last time I saw her.  That year I lost a relative, my former boss tried to kidnap me and I almost didn’t  finish school.

Seeing her also made my demons rear their ugly head. I’ve always had trouble letting people in before her. I’ve had so many people walk out on me.

She walked out when i needed someone the most.

I take another spoonful of my Dr. Pepper float.

Dr. Pepper has always been soothing for me.

I try to think about the good people in my life to help calm me like Gina, my parents, Jared and Jensen. Nothing seems to help though.

Flashback 1 hr ago

Need to pick a few things from the grocery store. It's been a long week.

A Lot of projects this week from the new script for Walker to the wedding video I had to edit.

Then I recognize someone out of the corner of my Emily Wilson.

What on earth is she doing in Texas?

My heart stops at the sight in front me.

Someone who was always having flings and parties is married and has a son.

I can’t deal with this. I've got to get out of here.

Then I hear her call my name.

“Y/N is that you? Emily said.

I politely turn around to talk to her.

“Hi, Emmy it’s been a while. It seems like a lot has changed since we last saw each other.

I replied

She tucks a piece of her brown hair behind her ear.

“Yeah it has. I met Josh here and everything seemed to click into place.

It’s Wilson- Hill now by the way. You seem to be doing well  career wise editor and writer for Supernatural. Now Walker and you're doing freelance. I’ve been keeping up with your career proud of you Y/N. Well  I’ve got to get going Andrew here needs a nap. It was good to see you again.” Emily said. She gently pats me on the arm before she leaves.

“Thanks and you too. I replied.

I ended up grabbing extra stuff my comfort food seeing her wasn’t really good for me.

End of Flashback

I hear a knock on my door, not in the mood to answer I ignore it.

Then I hear a key being put into the lock must be Jared.

“Y/N, are you okay? You always answer the door when  you know I am coming over.” Jared asked with a concerned look on his face.

He notices the empty ice cream dish and that my Y/E/C are red rimmed. He notices that I’ve been crying.

Jared moves onto the couch and tries to hug me,

I push him away. Jared looks offended that I rejected his hug.

“You…you never had a problem with it before.” Jared said.

“Look, I am damaged goods just leave me be. I can’t seem to get the one thing I ‘ve always wanted in life, a family of my own. I ran into Emmy today you remember me mentioning her right? My party girl ex-bestfriend, the one that ghosted me when I needed her. She was never one to settle down but guess what she did. I don’t blame guys for not wanting me though who would want to climb the wall I’ve built. I replied.

I think I’ve had enough for today. I am not in the mood for company.

I get up to walk out of the room.

Jared encircles his large hand around my small wrist to stop me.

Than he pulls my into his lap.

Than he wraps his arms around me to prevent me from escaping.

What the hell is he doing this is making me uncomfortable. 

“Y/N, you listen to me dammit! You are not damaged goods.  We all have baggage and demons.  We are all human after all. 

Any guy would be lucky to have you, You are beautiful, smart, caring, loving and supportive. Jared said.

Really Jared thinks that highly of me that’s news to me.

It’s touching to hear someone say that about me.

Not many people have said something that wonderful to me.

He spins me around to face him. Leaving me no way other way to sit but to wrap my legs around his waist. A type of intimacy him and I have never shared before. My heart feels likes beating a mile minute.  He presses his forehead against mine. He pushes my Y/H/C out of my face. Then places a chaste kiss on my lips.

I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. I am pretty sure I am blushing.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for ages Y/N. I was afraid to tell you this because I know how hard it is for you to let people fully in. I’ve been in love with you darlin’ since I met you. You are exactly what I’ve been looking for. Please Y/N will you let me take you on a date.” Jared said with hopeful look in his multi-spectrum hazel eyes

“ You are crazy, you know that? But okay Padalecki I’d love to go on a date with you I replied with a slight smile.

Jared smiles brightly at my response, his dimples slightly popping out.

Letting Jared in would turn out be the best decision I’ve made in a long time.

We eventually got married and had kids.

I finally had the things I’ve been longing for to be truly happy with a family of my own.

Do you think about

Everything you've been through

You never thought you'd be so depressed

Are you wondering

Is it life or death

Do you think that there's no one like you

We are

We are

We are

We are the ones

We get knocked down

We get back up and stand above the crowd

We are one

We are the ones

We get knocked down

We get back up and stand above the crowd

We are one

[superbadassnatural]

Happy for you

Summary: Sam has been in love with the only woman he’d never have. After many years of keeping it to himself, Sam lets it all out. Square filled: Drunken confessions Pairing: Dean x reader, Sam  x reader (platonic) Word count: 3.2k Warnings: angst, unrequited love, (if you consider a small peck on the lips out of pity cheating, then) cheating A/N: This was written for @samwinchesterbingo. Also, this is my entry for the amazing @katymacsupernatural “Katy’s Make me Feel Challenge”. The prompt is bolded. Please, enjoy!

(x)

Sam had been nursing his beer for quite a while now. The hunter didn’t know whether to drown himself in a bottle - or as many as he needed to get himself drunk - of Jack Daniels or just have a couple of beers and call it a night. He sat on the stool bar, fidgeting his fingers and trying to keep his mind busy with the constant flirtation from the gorgeous blonde bartender named Olivia. The woman had been throwing herself at him since when he, his brother and his brother’s girl walked in after another successful hunt.

“Alright. I give up,” she sighed, throwing her hands in the air.

“Give up on what?” Sam asked even though he wasn’t a bit interested in what she was talking about. His mind was somewhere else. Still trying to reason what was best for him: comatose or few beers and another sleepless night. Maybe comatose was better, right? That way his mind would settle down for a little. Or not. Perhaps he’d dream and that terrifies him more than not being able to shut his eyes.

“On you, you idiot,” Olivia smacked the back of his head. “So tell me, Sam, who is she? Or he. I don’t judge.” she shrugged.

“What made you assume there’s a she?”

“So it is a she,” she licked her lips. “Well, Sam, let’s just say that after a while working as a bartender I can identify a man longing for someone he wants but can’t have only by the look in their eyes,” Olivia offered a sympathetic smile as she picked two shot glasses, filling with what Sam assumed to be whiskey. Both of them downed the liquid before she continued. “And yours are goddamn pretty and they keep drifting to someone from time to time. So I might even have an idea of who she is, but I really hope I’m wrong. ‘Cause if I’m right, my friend, then you’re so screwed.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he took a gulp of his beer, finishing it. “And I’m definitely screwed.”

As if it was an ultimatum, the bartender offered him a bottle of Jack. Comatose it is then.

“In case you wanna talk, I’m all ears,” she smiled, resting her small hand on top of his giant one. “Or in case you wanna forget, my shift ends in coupla hours.” with a cocky wink, Olivia returned to attend other customers.

An asymmetric smile appeared on his lips as he shook his head. Occupy someone’s bed is the last thing Sam needs tonight.

Sam took a large gulp of his whiskey and realized that was what he needed to numb the pain. Or at least a part of it.

“Sammy,” Y/N approached him, taking a seat at the barstool next to him. “I’ve just beaten Dean’s ass at pool,” she smiled, her eyes held a flash of excitement. “Don’t you wanna join us? Pretty please.”

Sam offered her a kind smile. “Nah, Y/N/N, I’m fine here.” He did his best not to sound rude.

“Aw, Sammy,” she sighed, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. “You seem so upset tonight. I hate to see my best friend like this,” Sam chuckled. Best friend. That was all he’s ever gonna be. “Care to tell me what has gotten you this upset?”

“Just having an off night,” he lied. He would never tell anyone, let alone her, the real reason he was like this. “You don’t have to worry, promise.”

“You sure?” he nodded. “Dean’s in the restroom and once he’s back I can ask him to sit here with you for a little while. This way you can talk it out.”

“No need to, Y/N/N, I swear,” his lips curled into a smile that didn’t dare to reach his eyes.

“Sammy,” Dean called. “You okay, man?” his eyes darting from the bottle of whiskey Sam had in his hand to his brother’s eyes.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Sam lied. Again. “No need to worry about me. Just having an off night. That’s all.”

“Gimme that,” Dean’s hand reached for the bottle. Taking a swig. “You're not finishing this alone. Or you gonna get wasted,” he pointed out. “Want some?” the eldest hunter extended the bottle towards his girlfriend.

“Definitely,” she smiled, taking the pitcher to her mouth.

Both men didn’t dare to blink as her lips enveloped the ring of the bottle as her eyes closed. Her throat moving as she swallowed. Once Sam noticed something was waking up in his pants, he drew his eyes away and shifted in his place.

“Damn, babe,” Dean chuckled. 

“Alrighty, Sam,” Y/N said. “Get your ass up and let’s see if I can beat you at pool,” she commanded, yearning a grunt from him.

“See, told ya I could beat him too,” Y/N cheered once she managed to shoot the eight-ball into the left corner pocket, defeating Sam in the process. “Please, boys, bow to your superior.” she chuckled as both brothers rolled their eyes.

“I want a rematch!” Dean exclaimed.

“As you wish, sir,” Y/N mocked. “But I warn ya, it’s gonna really hurt this big ego of yours.”

A half smile made its way to Sam’s lips at her silliness. He grabbed his bottle of Jack – which he had barely drank half of – and made his way to the bar.

Sam took another large gulp and his head felt a little fuzzy this time. From his seat, he was still able to see his brother and Y/N at the pool hall. As a wide smile appeared on her gorgeous and so damn kissable lips, Sam could’ve sworn he heard her laughter even though he was a few feet away from them.

Truth is the sweet, caring hunter has his heart wrapped around her delicate finger for almost six years now. Sam still remembers when he first met her. He and Dean were hunting down a Wendigo and she happened to be on the same case. She saved his and Dean’s bacon that day. And from the time her beautiful, wide eyes had first connect with his hazel ones, he knew it was a lost cause. He wanted to get to know her. To spend hours on end hearing her stories and sharing his own. He wanted her with every fiber of his body. Only Sam didn’t expect his brother to want this girl as much as he did.

Sam is shy. He’s a broken man who lost so many people he loved. He fears getting close to anyone and get them hurt or dead. Sam keeps his feelings to himself. He struggles to get words past his lips. He tries not to feel. He tries and he fails every time. His heart is pure and kind. As much as he tries to build walls upon walls to keep himself from getting hurt, they all crumble down at mere endeavor.

While Sam is a shy, sensitive man, Dean is bold. He’s confident and he never fears to talk to women. He trusts himself even if his heart is beating a thousand miles a minute. Dean confides his brother his feelings with ease. Dean would say everything that stuck in his head rather than stay all night awake because said woman can’t leave his mind. Dean is a good man. His heart is genuine. He’d never hurt anyone he loves. He’d protect them at all costs.

That night after they’d met Y/N, Dean wouldn’t stop talking about her. Sam only listened to his brother rambling about her features he had already memorized. Dean said he’d ask her out before they’d to leave town. Do you think there’s a chance she might say yes? Dean asked with a wide smile across his face. I think she might, Sam mumbled, but in his heart, he hoped she doesn’t.

She did. Dean took her to a nice restaurant and they had a great time. They exchanged their numbers and kept talking to each other. Every now and then they’d find a way to meet during a case or when things were quieter. With Y/N being more present in their lives, Sam got to know her better. It didn’t take long for him to fall deeply in love with his brother’s now girlfriend. He wanted what he couldn’t have. For the first time, Sam wanted someone he was certain he’d never have. And he wouldn’t allow himself to either.

Sam had known Y/N for seven years now. He has been in love with her for at least six. And Dean… Dean has been dating her for six years. Throughout all this time Sam has kept his feelings to himself. Every February 2nd — the day his brother and Y/N had announced they were officially dating — Sam’s heart breaks a little more.

Glancing at the other side of the room, Sam saw Y/N shooting a ball and sinking it in one of the pockets. Her gorgeous smile appeared on her lips, reaching her bright eyes. His brother shook his head. Sam’s eyes lingered on her beautiful, curvy body. She leaned and her faded blue jeans only tightened around her perfect ass. What Sam wouldn’t give for just a slight squeeze… But he couldn’t. She wasn’t his. She’d never be his. Before she could strike, Dean approached her as if he was teaching her. A sly grin appeared on her lips as she rolled her eyes. Dean’s body pressed around hers. His hands were now on top of hers, holding her cue. He leaned into her ear, whispered something Sam could not point. But by the look on her face, it was something cheesy. And by the way, her hips slightly rocked against her boyfriend’s body, it was something alluring. Sam dreamed of getting a reaction like that from her. Of feeling her body pressed against his.

Sam turned his attention to his Jack Daniels, chugging it down until the bottle was empty. He wasn’t satisfied. He was still feeling everything. All the pain, all the love. They were still there, hammering his heart. After many years of loving Y/N, it was only getting harder. The realization he could never have her setting in his mind. It took a toll on him. He ordered a few more shots. Downing it quickly so regret wouldn’t catch up. He could regret tomorrow morning when he’d wake up with a killer headache and would have to skip his morning run. Tonight he just doesn’t wanna feel.

~*~

“Oh, man, you really stretched your limits tonight, huh?” Dean patted his brother’s back. Just by getting a look at Sam’s face, he already knew he had gotten hammered. “Let’s get you home, Sammy,” the younger Winchester tried to stand up but his feet faltered. “Woah, easy tiger. Not so fast or you gonna pass out.”

Sam only mumbled something Dean couldn’t understand. He wrapped his arm around Sam’s waist to keep him steady, drawing him out of the bar and getting him in the backseat of Baby.

“Sam never does this,” Y/N shook her head, incredulous. “Do you have any idea where this comes from?”

“Not really,” Dean started the car. “I’m gonna talk to him tomorrow once he sober up.”

Once all three hunters arrived at the bunker, Y/N helped Dean carrying his brother inside. They put Sam on his bed. The man barely responding. He only stared blankly.

“Go do what you gotta do,” Dean pointed out to Y/N. “I got him, sweetheart.”

“Okay,” she nodded. “I’m gonna grab a quick shower. Call me if you need anything,” she half smiled. “Please, don’t go too hard on him.” Dean only nodded.

Y/N headed to the shower while Dean helped Sam out of his shoes and handed him his sweatpants and a dark blue t-shirt. Dean had never seen his brother drink this much. He had seen Sam drunk, but it wasn’t just that... He looked broken. Devastated. As if he had given up. But on what? Dean questioned himself. Guess he’d figure it out in the morning if Sam was willing to talk. Right now Dean could only make sure Sam wouldn’t choke on his own vomit if he pukes while in bed.

“You good?” Dean asked.

“P-peachy.” Sam chuckled as he slurred.

“C’mon, man let’s get some sleep.”

“I- uh,” Sam stopped, closing his eyes as he tried to focus. “I good. You go.”

“You sure?” Dean only got a nod in response. “If you need anything, call me,” Sam nodded again. His eyes never meeting his brother’s. Always glued on the floor. Dean noticed a few tears rolling down Sam’s cheeks before he left. He didn’t say anything. It was better this way.

Dean strolled to his shared bedroom with Y/N. The girl had already gotten out of the shower and was now only wearing Dean’s flannel.

“How is he?” she asked, folding her clothes.

“He says he’s good but he isn’t.”

“I’ve never seen him like this.” She turned to him. Wide eyes meeting tired green ones.

“Me neither,” he sighed. “But he’ll be fine, right?” Although she wasn’t sure, she nodded. “I’m gonna head to shower. It won’t be long then we can go to sleep. It was a long day today.” Y/N nodded as he headed to the bathroom.

The girl’s mind was racing with thoughts. She was worried about Sam. Worried that maybe there’s nothing she can do to help him. Worried for Dean for having his brother feeling this bad. As a way to try to calm down, Y/N headed to the kitchen to make some camomile tea.

“Sam,” she gasped, once she entered and found him there. He was sitting by the table. “I didn’t expect to find you here,” she started on her tea.

“Can’t sleep,” his voice only above a whisper. “Not sure if I should.”

“Why is that?” her brows furrowed. Sam thinks she looks beautiful when she’s confused.

“I… I… uh can’t stop thinking ‘bout you,” he confessed.

“Me?” Y/N was even more confused now.

“Yeah, you,” his bloodshot eyes met hers. “And… I c-can’t keep this to myself any longer.” His voice was trembling. Not only because he was drunk but the tiny bit of him that was sober was nervous.

“Sammy, what are you talking about?” Y/N approached him.  

His eyes lingered on her body. She was only wearing a blue flannel of Dean’s. Her bare legs causing his hands to itch to touch her.

“It’s you, Y/N/N,” he sighed, standing up. “It has always been you. Since day one.”

“Sam, please don’t say it,” she shook her head. Her pleading eyes finding his wet hazel ones. “Don’t do it, please.”

“I- I can’t keep this to myself anymore. And it hurts me,” he stammered. “It hurts me every time I see you with him. Every time you run into his arms, looking for safety,” he swallowed the lump in his throat. “It kills me every time you say you love him. And every time you kiss him.”

“I can’t…” Y/N trailed off, her eyes drifting to anything but him.

“I know it’s selfish and that I shouldn’t feel this way,” he shook his head. “I was supposed to support my brother and be happy for him, but it’s so, so hard. I want him to be happy. And I’m happy for him. But I can’t be happy for you,” Sam rambled. “I just can’t,” an uncomfortable silence fell between them. Y/N felt her heart aches for him. “I- I love you. And I think a part of me has always been in love with you. I can’t help it. If people have their- uh- soulmates, I think you’re mine. Even if I’m not yours,” he confessed. His hazel eyes carried so much pain and love at the same time it amused Y/N. “I’m sorry. I- I really am.”

Tears started to roll down her cheeks. She dropped her chin so he wouldn’t see her crying and feel worse than he already was.

“Please, look at me,” he pleaded. Thumb lifting her chin as he caressed her delicate skin. “Don’t hate me. That’s all I ask. I won’t be able to live with myself if you did. That would be too much for me to handle.”

“Sammy, I could never hate you. I love you,” Y/N said, cupping his cheeks. A flash of hope appearing in his drunk eyes. “Of course I do. But not in the way you want me to. I’m sorry.”

“I know I don’t deserve you and what I’m about to do is wrong for so many reasons, but I can’t help myself,” he leaned, his breath hitting her cheeks. “I need to taste. Just one little taste.”

Sam kissed her. His lips found their way to hers and Sam believed he had never felt something this good. It was like he had found his way home. A tear fell between their lips. Neither of them knew whose it was.

Y/N felt so bad for him, she just stood still and let him kiss her. She wasn’t mad at him or anything else, she just felt really sorry for him. Besides he wouldn’t remember it tomorrow anyway.

They parted. Both of them with their cheeks stained from tears. His thumb wiped a tear away from her delicate face.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. Hands still holding her face. “I should probably go to bed.”

Y/N watched as he turned, staggering unsteadily on his own crumbled feet. He headed to his bedroom and she stood there. Paralyzed. She didn’t know how to react now she knew the truth. Her tea was long forgotten.

She wiped her tears, recomposed herself, and made her away to her room, finding Dean laid on his back in nothing but his sweatpants on his side of the bed. His wet hair spiking in different ways.

“You okay?” he asked. A flash of concern crossing his jade eyes.

“Mmhmm,” she nodded. “Just tired,” she laid beside him, laying her head on his chest. “Just hold me. Please?” she pleaded. Dean’s arms enveloping her in his embrace. His fingers playing with her hair.

It took quite some time for Y/N to drift off. Eventually, she fell asleep in the warmth of her boyfriend’s arms. The body of the love of her life pressed against hers. She was at home.

Sam fell asleep the second his face touched his pillow. He passed out on his cold bed. All alone — with no one to hold him and tell him everything would be okay —, sprawled, stinking of whiskey.

Tomorrow he wouldn’t remember a thing he said to Y/N. Not even finding her in the kitchen. Y/N, on the other hand, would never forget everything he said to her. She could now only hope that one day he’d fall out of love and meet someone new that could make him feel special and loved. That could give him everything she couldn’t.

~*~

Please consider leaving me some feedback! I’d love to know what you liked (and what you didn’t hahaha). You can tell via reblog/ask. ;)

[iamjessemartinz]

From @the_monae Super dope #makemefeelchallenge from @_budy_q @budy_48 .. ♥️ #janellemonae #makemefeel #fun #music #challenge

[katymacsupernatural]

UPDATE

I know I’ve kind of been missing in action. I just wanted to say life is kicking my butt right now, but I am still around. I just updated the Proposal, and hope to have some more new chapters and new stories out soon.

I am also extending the deadline of my #Makemefeelchallenge. It’s now due Sept 15!!! If you’ve posted your story, I will be searching for them in the next day or so.

[katymacsupernatural]

Can I be part of the challenge and get a prompt #14 with dean x reader angst with a fluffy ending?? #makemefeelchallenge

I can’t wait! Thank you so much for joining my challenge!