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threewaywithdelusion · 1 year

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I Would've Liked To Know You: Max

(Warning for major character death (Steve) that occurs before the fic starts, implied/referenced child abuse (Max, nothing on page). This is set in 2002).

Max got the stranger who had given her a ride to drop her at the edge of the cemetery. Her cell phone rang — probably Lucas again, wondering where she was — and she switched it off. She couldn’t handle talking to him. Not yet.

She made the walk across the fields of the cemetery from memory, pulling her coat closed around her. It was early October and it was chilly in Hawkins. She’d forgotten, since moving to California, how cold it could get here.

Max passed the part of the cemetery where she knew Billy was buried, but she didn’t stop. She couldn’t.

She kept going until she reached the far corner of the cemetery. It had been described to her before — the headstone was under a huge tree, which bloomed with flowers in the spring. She ran her fingers over the letters carved into the rock, confirming she was in the right place.

Steven James Harrington

November 13, 1966 - September 17, 1986

Son, friend, hero

She had long since memorized the words on the headstone.

Maybe she should’ve felt guilty, visiting Steve and not Billy, but she didn’t. Because Steve was more her brother than Billy ever had been.

She folded her cane and took a seat on the grass, a foot away from the headstone.

“I don’t know why I’m here,” Max said. That was a lie. “I mean, I know a little. I didn’t, like, run away and board a flight from California and then take a bus down here from Indianapolis for no reason.”

Max fiddled a bit with her cane, folding and unfolding it. She hadn’t said it out loud yet. Had barely admitted it to herself.

But she’d come all this way to talk to Steve, dammit, so she was going to get her shit together and do it.

“I’m pregnant,” she said. She gave a little laugh. “You’re the first one to know. I haven’t even told Lucas yet.”

Her phone felt heavy in her pocket. She hadn’t told Lucas where she was going. She’d taken the pregnancy test in a pharmacy bathroom and then had to ask the teenage girl behind the checkout counter to tell her if there were two lines. The girl had said yes, sounding judgmental. Which was maybe fair given that all she knew was that Max was in the kind of situation where she was taking pregnancy tests in a public bathroom when she couldn’t even read the stupid results.

Max had gone home, not slept for a week straight, then picked a fight with Lucas and run away, all the way from Los Angeles to Hawkins.

“I’m, uh. I don’t know if you can feel time passing, but I’m thirty-one. This isn’t a teen pregnancy or anything, and Lucas has a job and we haven’t broken up in years. It’s not… it’s- I should be ready for this.”

Max cleared her throat. The wind was blowing, cutting through her jacket and making the trees rustle. Max hated trees. She hated forests. They all made her think of the Upside Down. She loved the never-ending concrete of Los Angeles, the only nature the beaches and the ocean that she still loved.

When she was in California, it was easier to pretend that everything that had happened in Hawkins had been a bad dream. That she and Lucas were fine and normal and had never killed or fought or watched loved ones die.

“I’m scared,” Max admitted. “My dad left and my mom tried, but she was never good enough. Neil yelled and Billy hurt me and how the fuck am I supposed to take that kind of upbringing and believe I’m someone who can care for a kid?”

The funny thing was that even without the monsters, Max would have been fucked up. She’d had to explain it to Lucas — how when he was silently angry it was worse, because she kept waiting for the moment he’d snap. How he could put down a plate too hard and she’d flinch, scared he was about to grab her or shove her around. How an empty fridge made her heart clench, even after years of always being able to afford food.

She wasn’t fit to raise a baby. Especially not Lucas’s kid, who should have everything good in the world. Lucas would be an amazing dad, would play games with the kid and teach them basketball and tell stories while doing funny voices, like he did for his DnD characters.

Max knew he wanted a kid. She also knew he hadn’t said anything because he knew she wasn’t ready. That she might never be ready.

And then fate or a broken condom had gone and put her in this situation anyway.

“I thought about getting an abortion,” she told Steve. Maybe it was fucked up, but it was easier to talk to Steve’s grave. Steve had been so patient with her when she’d been a teenager, always offering to listen to her problems, and she’d turned him down time and time again, staying silent and refusing to let him help her.

“But I couldn’t do it. I don’t want to be a shitty mom, so maybe it’s the right thing to do. But I keep trying to picture my kid for some reason. And I see this little girl with warm brown eyes and my round cheeks and Lucas’s huge smile and some part of me wants that. I want to have a baby that’s half me and half Lucas and I want to do right by her.

I was lying awake, trying to figure out what I wanted to. Thinking about my shitty childhood. And then I thought of you.”

Max set her cane down in the grass, smiling faintly at Steve’s headstone.

“I thought of the way you drove me around and patched up my skateboarding injuries and bought me milkshakes when I was said or angry but didn’t want to talk. I thought of the groceries you bought me when Mom was too drunk to remember or when there wasn’t enough money, even though I never asked and always said I didn’t need your charity. And you fucking saved my life, over and over again, like that’s a normal thing to do. You jumped in front of a demodog for me when you hadn’t even known me for a day. You didn’t even know my name.”

There was a lump building in Max’s throat, tightening so much that it hurt to talk. But she had to. It had been so hard to start and now the words were just spilling out.

“We always used to call you Mom, and we were teasing. Making fun of you cause you were some popular basketball guy but you also heckled us about our manners and picked us up from school and shit. And you acted all offended, but I saw you smiling a few times. You liked it,” she told the headstone accusingly. “You liked being our mom.”

The headstone didn’t say anything, but Max knew that if Steve were here he would be denying it, committed to the bit that he wasn’t their parent, just a reluctant babysitter.

Max cleared her throat. “And I was thinking… God, you were just a fucking kid. Like, I’m thirty-one and I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. And you were nineteen, with seven kids and a monster dimension under your feet and you were still a good mom. So like, I guess I didn’t just have shitty parental figures in my life.”

Max glared at the headstone, as if daring it to judge her for being emotionally vulnerable. Not that Steve would have done that, even if he hadn’t been a bunch of bones in a coffin buried under the grass she was sitting on.

Steve would have probably been proud.

“So I’m gonna do all that shit,” Max said. “Drive the kid around and kiss her boo-boos and buy her milkshakes when she’s feeling bad. All the things that you did. And I guess maybe that means I can be a mom.”

She blinked and a tear rolled down her cheek. She wanted to swipe it away, but she didn’t. Steve deserved to be cried over.

They’d all moved away from Hawkins. Max only saw the town these days in her nightmares. But Steve’s grave was still here and sometimes it felt like they’d abandoned him. Even if there wasn’t a him left to abandon. Even if he would’ve wanted them to go, to escape this helltown and chase better lives elsewhere.

He’d been gone sixteen years. More than half her life.

It hurt to miss him still.

“I wish you were here,” Max whispered. “I wish I could talk to you for real. I wish you could tell me I’m not crazy for thinking Lucas and I can do this.”

Max let herself fall apart a little bit, crying over the future that would never happen. Steve would never come watch the baby so she and Lucas could go on a date night or finally get some sleep. He would never get to be the fun uncle, or the one her kid ran to when they were pissed at her and Lucas for some teenage drama. To her, he would never be anything more than a memory. To her child, he would never be anything more than a story about a long-dead stranger.

Max leaned forwards so she could touch the headstone, running her fingers over the letters that spelled out Steve’s name.

“You would’ve made a great Uncle Steve,” she whispered.

She bowed her head against the gravestone for a moment, resting her forehead against the cool rock.

Then she stood, wiping the tears off her cheeks and the grass stains off her jeans. She extended her cane and made her way out of the cemetery, pausing by the gates to turn her cell phone back on.

It kept dinging with missed calls, but Max ignored that, dialing a number by heart.

“Max?” Lucas’s voice was warm and concerned and so full of love that she almost started crying again.

“Lucas,” Max said. “I’m in Hawkins. I, uh, I had to talk to Steve.”

Lucas was quiet for a moment. Then he said, “Are you okay?”

Max nodded. “Yeah. I’m okay. I’m coming home.”

#stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #Mia writes fanfic #max mayfield #steve harrington #lucas sinclair #tw: major character death #tw: child abuse #pregnancy

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vinxwatches · 6 months

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watching good omen season 1

ep 1 pilot

haven't seen a lot of it, mostly that people like it, that it's made by people people really like and that it's gay (or at least people make it gay) so you know, good pick for me. and i just watched to animations/animatics on youtube with bad endings and bad endings fuck me up, so hopefully this is happier. intro is a fucking banger. also god has a fem voice? nice. accurate skin colour for the earliest humans. not surprised, but appreciated. making fun of theology and great banter? i love it.

ominous picnic basket. oh... actually quite biblically fitting it seems. i REALLY hope they don't expect me to remember these names too well. many of the characters seem fun though.

of course the american politician says bs like "a regular y chromosome son". which i'm sure has not been tested as you 1: don't know the gender yet. 2: phenotype does not denote genotype.

i wonder who and how they'll figure out who has the wrong baby. "i don't recall what horror of history we had a lunch over, but i do recall what we had." the BEST dynamic.

will they even figure out they got the wrong one? ok, i know that working with an actual 5 year old would be a nightmare... but that kid is like 12.

well done making both heaven and hell look like shit. do you want grime overpopulating or empty, liminal, office spaces?

brilliant end of episode 1.

ep 2 the book

damn the forces of hell are so bloody rude and evil. and so many quick jokes.

question: what are the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse supposed to be in christianity? both biblically and in modern belief? they are separate from devils and angels.

i love a witch that also uses an ipad in her rituals.

"sorry, right number" seriously the humour in this show is so brilliant. i really hope the story is able to match it.

ep 3 hard times

a black knight shrugging is way too funny. i love these two. just two old friends helping each other out, it's just that that's diametrically opposing one another. the angel doing some tempting, the demon some miracles. and upper management doesn't care.

awh, they are just so cute together.

excuse me you are playing intro now? 28 minutes in? that's not an intro. that's a bloody intermission!

they really succeed at making heaving seem so extremely bad. extremely wide shot or extreme close-up. it's so incredibly uncomfortable.

the prime minister has a nice flat chested fucker in his bed.... good for him if he's not cheating.

"mend it all"/"end it all" whispers. really neat.

ep 4 saturday morning funtime

of course he was condemned for nothing more then asking questions.

ah, they got rid of pestilence to replace them with pollution. it's a good change, but feels pretty pre 2020.

oh no, i find his death so sad. he had a love, why kill him? i know the apocalypse is coming but still.

i still really hope that the presidents son turns out to be trans to just break the things he said at the start. then again it wouldn't really work as it's not the kids he said it about. idk, i guess i hope of screen son turns out to be trans to spite the person that'll never know... yea i'm holding out hope for something that doesn't matter.

azi being send to heaving is SO bad. his bookshop possibly burning down is emotionally worse. it was going to be the last episode of the day. but i started watching because i couldn't deal with bad endings, so i guess i'll have to watch one more.

ep 5 the doomsday option

Azi going full rogue (finally).

man that's the most obvious cold reading ever.

the guard reads a neil gaymen book. cute.

sir... your car is... more then a little on fire.

ep 6 the very last day of the rest of their lives

are we doing a flash back episode for the last episode of the season?

oh, please let him rebuild the car just like i want the bookshop rebuild?

the way to defeat the end of the world is to believe and stand (and i hope work) for a world that wouldn't end. a bit on the nose but very nice.

and of course with Terry Pratched being involved death is not to be defeated, just not hastened along.

a kid not doing the one thing they were supposed to do.... there's a trans/gay message in there. also That's Just What Kids Do! you wanted an 11 year old to do what they were told? that's the first part of the problem.

for a TV series that's a pretty good satan. oh that is SO clever. kind of time fucking, but not really so long as you never introduce time travel so it's only true from now on. oh, is it a nicer ending then i though? YES IT IS! \o/

it "ends" as it starts: with a garden and an apple. ok, make it more explicit why don't you.

oh, you subtle bastards. i love it. other scene's now make more sense too, oh how i love it.

ok, yea it makes sense people go wild over this as it's really bloody great.

#good omens #good omens season 1

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orenjikaraka · 1 year

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Nucifera - ch. 2

Billy Hargrove x reader series

peeps tags: @puppybittingotherpuppy

A/n: hello I’m glad people liked the first chapter, a fellow follower was wondering if the POV would be Billy most of the time, and to answer to that question, yes the majority of the chapters, would be throughout Billy’s side of view, I would tiny bit put Reader’s POV, but I see it much easier to see it through Billy’s eyes. I hope everyone enjoys reading! 🥺 sorry for having huge burn out.

Chapters: ch. 1, ch. 3, ch. 4

Warnings: slight ptsd, blood, trauma, slurs, cursing, NSFW 💫, and slightly Neil

Word Count: 6914

Billy’s POV

The sound of crickets can be heard from outside, the small gape from the window was making it as light as white noise.

Billy woke up once again, nightmare by nightmares keeps repeating over and over again, *groan* ‘stupid nightmares’ he tries to breathe in to take the frustration out of his veins, but a massive strain comes from his right side, it hurt like a bitch, “fuck…. Ow….” He breathes out painfully, but what’s the point of sleeping if nightmares keep fucking happening, he put his hands on his eyes to try to get the sleepiness out of his eyes, “hey (Y/n), could you…” *sighs through his nose* “could… you help me out to sleep”, he said barely a whisper, when he got no response he removed his hands from his eyes, and turned to the left, “(Y/n)?”, she wasn’t right next to him, or anywhere in her room.

“(Y/n)?”He sat up slowly and saw her door was cracked open slightly, a small light coming from the door, ‘she must’ve got up to eat or something?’ He got up slowly and walked up to the door, right when he was next to the door, he heard someone crying, scared even, “please stop…”, Billy opened the door in a rushed, because he knows that voice, it was (Y/n), Billy rushed over to see what was happening, even if his lung sting or burned from breathing in a rush, he wanted to help (Y/n).

He got to the living room from the end of the hall and saw Neil, (Y/n) was bruised up, purple and dark violet bruises on her face, she had knife marks on her arms, with pink scratch marks and a violet bruised around her neck, she was sobbing her eyes out, Neil saw Billy, and picked up (Y/n) and put a knife on her throat, “hey, William…” Neil said.

“Let her go!”

“Why.”

“LET HER GO!!” Billy lung felt like it was gonna burst, but he didn’t care for anything except you.

Billy tried to walk forward, But Neil put the knife closer to (Y/n)’s throat, “Nuh uh uh,” Billy stopped in his steps, just froze up, “what too afraid…”, Billy’s lips quivered, “stop…”, “stop! *pff* are you fucking idiotic!”, the room was silent for a moment, Billy couldn’t think what to do, “Billy-“ (Y/n) said, “shut your fucking mouth you whore”, Neil covered her mouth, and moved the knife into her shoulder, she screamed and cried in agony, “dad stop!” Billy was begging at this point. “Dad, *laughs* Dad?!?!?” Neil moved the knife more into her muscle tissue, “don’t call me your father, why would I want a weak and pathetic son like you.”

“Stop please…”

Neil pulled out the knife from her shoulder, and put it back on her throat, it was near inches from her throat, “Billy…”, “(Y/n)… don’t worry i-“, Neil put the knife back on her neck, “don’t test me boy.”

“Dad- ple- please, don’t do this…” Billy was crying at this point.

“B- bill-“

‘Shit what do I do!’

“Billy!”

‘Prez- fuck what do I do!!’

“BILLY!”

————

Billy’s eyes shot open, his body was covered in sweat, his shirt was drenched in sweat, his breathing was hyperventilating speed, “(Y/N)!” He look to his left, and saw (Y/n) with a sad worried look, “BB?”, Billy stared at her for a couple seconds, on her arms, her face, her neck, not a bruise or scratch, or knife wound in sight, “g- good, yo- your *sniffle* ok…” “did you-“, “of course I- I- I had a shi- *sniffle* shity nightmare…”, “do you want to-“ “no.”

(Y/n) POV

‘Billy…’

Billy’s body was shaking up, his breathing was worryingly unnormal, he put his right hand on his left side, everytime he breathed heavily, he would clench his side, and grunt or winced in pain, it made your heart throb when you heard him cry silently. ‘I just want to help…’

(Y/n) slowly put a hand through his curly dirty blonde locks, he leaned in her touch, his crying was softing a bit, “Bil- William everything going to be ok, I’m here…”

Billy stared at you for a second with teary eyes, he opened his mouth, but then closed it.

Billy POV

She looks worried, ‘don’t pity me…’ her soft gentle face, makes my heart throbs, what do I deserve your pity, you probably think I’m weak, a fucking scumbag, crying bitch tears, in a beautiful woman’s bed. Instead of showing her, how a real man can be, strong, fierce, and tough, someone you don’t have to worry about, someone you can see as an alpha, not a weak squeamish omega.

“(Y/n) are you- *sniffle* ok?”

“Yes… I am? Did you… have a nightmare about me?”

Billy stayed silent and just nodded, “yeah… you probably think it’s stupid or I’m lacklusting…”

“What- No, Billy… Nightmares are normal, it’s normal for people who have trauma, it’s normal for kids and children to have nightmares, it’s normal for people who are dealing with post traumatic stress disorder, and it’s always good to have someone help out with your or someone else’s nightmares…”

“…”

“So don’t ever think that you're a burden for your nightmares, because I’m here to help, not make you feel unwelcome or uncomfortable, I’m your friend.”

Billy was a little shocked by hearing what you said, he thought you were just gonna laugh at him and just brushed it off and just went back to sleep, well what do you expect from a kid that been abused and protecting his mother even at a young age, just a Meer child protecting his momma from danger, from a abusive fuck up of a father. Now is a grown man trying to explain his emotions to someone that he had trusted since middle school, ‘but why is it so hard to explain everything.’ He felt frustration in his veins again, he sighed angrily, which made (Y/n) face even more sad, it made Billy’s frustration turn into guilt, ‘no…’ *sigh* He closed his eyes and put his hand that was on his side, and put it on his face, as facepalm motion, he slowly put his left arm up a little.

“Do you want me to sleep by your side?”

Billy just nodded, and (Y/n) slowly cuddled up next to Billy, she put her arms around his waist lightly, she understands that his abdomen has sore pains and his right lung can strain here and there, Billy’s heart skip a beat, Billy removed his hand away from his face and looked at (Y/n), his cheeks started warmed up a little, ‘fuck not this fucking feeling again’, he looked over to the orange clock and it says three fourty-five in the morning, Billy sighed and layed his head on the soft pillow, he tried to close his eyes, but… “did I do something wrong”, (Y/n) tilt her head a little, “no I was just checking the time, sleeping can be hard sometimes…” he whispered, she nodded and layed her head back on his chest.

Billy felt more relaxed than lying alone on one side of the bed. His heart and cheeks are still going nuts, but at least he can get these emotions under control while drifting off and sleeping.

—- time skip (actually morning) —-

When Billy woke up he felt the pillow softer than usual. He put his face more into it, his arms were around (Y/n)’s Waist, and he wrap his arms a little more tighter, she moan softly, and that made Billy jolt up a little, he opened his eyes slightly, “your ok Prez-“ *small yawn*, his voice was a little raspy from the all tiredness, he opened his eyes slightly more fully, ‘Huh’ he moved his head slightly and saw what he was sleeping on, and saw (Y/n)’s chest, and freaked out, face going red, and he quickly moved his whole body away, but then a disappointing sharp pain, came from his abdomen and his lung, he clutch his side, and sat up slowly, *small groan*, ‘stupid stupid stupid’ his eyes were shut for a couple seconds, then he opened them, *a long sigh*, he felt so heated up and he hated it, ‘ok, what the hell is wrong with me.’

He felt his face heated up, and his heart beating through his ribs, ‘FUCK, why am I feeling this way when (Y/n) around, when other women I was with, this stupid feeling wasn’t there, even when I was either fucking them or if I was making out with them, OR EVEN CLOSE TO THEM, FUCK!’ Billy was losing his mind, his mind was running hoops at this point, so he tried to move out of the bed slowly, but. “NOOoooo, I want my- *small yawn* my snuggles…” (Y/n) whispered and she put her sleep self closer to him, and wrap her arms around his waist, she tightened her grip a little, which cose a small pain around his abdomen, but he didn’t care, what he cared about was HIS FUCKING MIND GOING ON LOOPS.

Billy had to figure out these emotions, but first he had to get out of her room, he got his shakey hands, ‘oh my god, why the fuck am I shaking!’ He moved her arms slowly to the bed and slowly got up from her bed, and slowly walked out of her room, then closed her door quietly. And speed walked to the bathroom, which was right next to her room, he went in and closed the door.

He walked up to the mirror, and stared at himself, his face flushed red, his hands were at the end of the sink counter, he was clenching his hands into the counter, and ducked his head down low, ‘what the hell was that Billy.” He closed his eyes and tried to think of something else; but that darn moan was replaying in his head, it was so soft and gentle, his knees felt tight just thinking about, ‘no, no, no,’ he shook his head in a no response. The moans and gasps got worse, his mind was toying with him, your small frame up against him, telling him, “everything going to be ok…”, while giving him kisses on his neck, putting her gentle hands around his hips, putting her body a little closer and sucking soft hickeys on his neck; slowly moving down his chest, she moved down to his nip, putting soft hickeys on it, Billy moved his legs a little, from his shameful erection, *sigh…* ‘we’re just friends, nothing else…’

Just saying that was a huge mistake. His mind was getting worse by the second, seeing you from kissing to hickeys, to seeing you laying on your bed, topless with no sheer bra; yes; not your usual cheap bra from your local supermarket, it’s the one you get from Victoria steel you secret, ‘fucking Victoria’; just seeing you topless and you giving permission to touch them, “aww does someone wants to get their hands full”, she swayed her hips a little, his mind was playing tricks with him, he moved one of his hands, to his hips to his upper front thigh, his thumb touched his shalf, his zipper was tight, nerve racking as hell; just for him to unzip it, his erection was painful, he groaned silently, because he didn’t want to worry anyone, why would anyone want to know a degrading lowlife having a throbbing erection. In their bathroom, right next to their daughter’s room.

“Mmmmhhnnnn”, his mind continues to wander, to (Y/n) teasing, swinging her hips, him touching her soft breast, to her moans coming back, him touching her thighs Delicately, whispering that her moans were elegant and graceful to his ears, him thrusting her softly, her moans gets louder; his heart pumps like fire, his shameful erection tings in his pants; wanting that to happen instead of these shameful thoughts, ‘you know what, I need a cold shower!’

He started up the shower, it was icy cold, but he can care less, at least it wasn’t hot, just thinking about steamy showers, makes him nauseous just thinking about it, ‘fucking mind flayer’, he started to take his clothes off, when he got to his boxers, he just sighed through his nose in disappointment, he slowly took them off revealing his penis, in all its glory, well in its humiliating and disgraceful hard almost swollen form, he look at it for a few seconds, disgusted that he knows he had to fix it.

With a heavy sigh he went in the shower, he put his hands on the tiled wall, he lowered his head a little, the cold water was relaxing his nerves, after his mind kinda settled down a bit, he moved his right hand off the wall, to his hip, to his erected penis, he stroke his shaft, he groaned quietly, but his mind was getting with him again, desires and lustful thoughts swarms his mind. Her helping him stroke it and massage his dick, he moan with pleasure, and groaned with dissatisfied pleasure, ‘fuck, I- I don’t like… we’re- we’re just fri- friends’, fuck even my thoughts are stuttering, he look down and saw his soft erection, ‘u know what… fuck… maybe I do have the hearts for (Y/n)- Fuck- FUCK’, he closed his eyes shut and slammed his left palm in the tile wall, Billy felt ashamed from his desires and his memories being all corrupt. When his erection stopped being an asshole he moved his right hand back on the tiles.

The silence was unbearable for the amount of seconds went by, there was a light knock on the bathroom door, (Y/n) spoke up afterwards, “is everything alright in there”, “ye- yeah, everything all chill”, “ok, just a heads up, I making breakfast, it would be eggs and rice, with some bacon on the side, would that be great!” Her voice was so cheerful today, he chuckled a little, “yeah, that sounds good”, “oh also we’re the only adults in the house for a bit, well… for a while actually- my parents are off on a business trip, they would be back probably… 3 months.” “3 months?” “Yeah, they said it’s an overseas business trip, so that’s understandable,” “tru tru,” “well, see you, B,” “see you…”

She walked off to the kitchen, the shower was still running but he turned it off afterwards, he felt cleaned up, but in the same time not, the smell of cum was in the air, a heavy sigh filled the air, he got out of the shower, and toweled himself off, and… shit, he forgot his clothes, looking at his dirty sweat drenched clothes, he was more disgusted with the smell of his own cum then the sweaty clothes, he was about to huff in frustration, but a small knock was heard from the door. “Billy? I saw you left the room quickly, and rushed to the bathroom, is everything ok?” “Yeah… everything is fine, so don’t worry about it…” he mumbled, “ok… oh! Also, you forgot to bring your clothes, so here!” She squatted and shoved each clothes Individually. A white Blane shirt, gray sweatpants, black boxers, with white socks, she stood up, “your welcome bb, I’m gonna finish up breakfast, see you.”

“See ya, prez…” when he heard her fully left to the kitchen, he sighed, feeling his heart beating 100 miles per second, ‘god dang it, I cant believe that I’m in love… just her bein on the other side of the door, drove my emotions nuts’, he tried to get his mind off it, he looked to his right, to see the scar on his abdomen, is shockley huge, no wonder his doctor was like “how the hell” written all over her stupid looking face, it shaped like a firework explosion, massive unholy scar that went up to his chest, little streaks at the end of the scar we’re almost around his whole body, “shit”, he put his shakey right hand slowly to his abdomen, his scar felt raw and scaly, and he moved his hand up his chest, he started to shook a little by how huge the scar was, no wonder the doc was freaked out, ‘fuck… fuck fuck… shi- shit’ his mind was running in loops, ‘people would think-‘, the word monster kept popping in his head, ‘horrid, monster, terrifying, your a freak!’ he heavily breathed out through his nose, and turned to the left and grabbed the shirt first, it was slightly baggy, but at least it hides that horrendous scar, then the rest of the clothes on after, after the socks were on, he looked back at the mirror, he felt a little at ease that the shirt is covering it up.

Disappointment filled his brain when he saw how his muscles were gone, and how skinny he got, well he wasn’t Scrawny, but he looked more average, slightly skinny, but it wasn’t worriedly out there, he sighed in frustration, ‘whatever’, then cleaned up and grabbed Lysol from the bottom cabinet, then Lysol the bathroom because of the smell of cum, he crackled at the thought of all what happened between either and now, “fucking idiot…” he whispered to himself, and put the Lysol back at the bottom cabinet and left the bathroom.

When he walked out it felt a lot warmer in the house then usual, maybe that cold shower made everything warmer, he actually liked the warmth in the house, made him feel more relaxed, he moved his hands to his face, to wake the tiredness out of his eyes, and breathed out with relief; that all that stupid shit from yesterday was long gone, “morning fuck head, how’s your loneliness doing”, well almost everything. “Max… it’s been a long day…” he yawns and puts his hands down. “Can you not be a rival, this early in the morning”, “Nope!” He mumbled In a annoyed manner, and took a seat at the opposite side of max where she was sitting. “Why do you smell like Lysol?” “Why do you smell like you're about to be grounded.”

“BILLY!!”

“WHA- ow.” Billy clenched his side, “HA that’s what you get!” Billy just looked at (Y/n) and ignored Max.

“Your food is done anyway, here.”

(Y/n) walked over with his plate, she set it down in front of him, it looked kinda large from his side of view, or maybe the fact it looks huge is because of his small stomach, hell being slightly underweight feels so embarrassing eating small portions then regular or slightly bigger portions. (Y/n) glanced at his face, he looked frustrated, his mouth slightly clenched, his eyebrows lowered than his usual casual poker face, “you? Don’t like it?”

“HUH-! No, No no-, I like it. I just think it’s a lot, then I usually eat…”

“Oh- it is the normal amount u eat actually. Here let me take some in the fridg-“

“No- it’s ok! I can eat it!”

“Ok just let me know if you can’t finish it”

(Y/n) sat next to him on his left and placed her food where she was going to sit, Billy glanced at her food, ‘why the hell is your food cute’ she had pancakes shaped like little panda with strawberry shaped hearts for the ears with a whip cream bow tie, she sat down and glanced at Billy again saw him staring, “hmm?”

“Why is your food cute”

“Why the hell are you crushing on (Y/n)‘s food?! Why don’t you marry it?!”

Billy looked up with disappointment, “shut your mouth”

“Make me, u fucker”

“Damn I didn’t know you two can be such siblings for hours huh.”

“SHUT UP”, Max and Billy said.

“What; it’s not my fault you two are cute siblings”

Max just kept eating her food. While Billy was blushing like a bad man taking some kid’s red ice cream on a Sunday. He mumbles then starts eating his food slowly.

—- time skip bitch —-

(Y/n) and max left a little while ago, She had to dropped off max to school, ‘life really does change over the years hmm’ he stated at his empty plate, ‘can’t believe I ate all of that’ he rubbed his stomach with his left arm, because of the pressure of the food in his stomach that is adjusting, it put some pressure on his abdomen a little but it didn’t hurt that much. ‘I wonder when she’ll come back’ . It's been over half an hour since she left.

A pair of keys was heard from the door, well a struggle of which fucking key it should be to open the damn door. ‘Hehe’ he chuckled through his nose and slowly got up and walked to the door. He unlocked the door and saw (Y/n) at the door. “How’s the struggle Prez” he put his stupid smug smiles on, “har har… Billy'' she softly punched his left arm and walked inside. He followed behind and closed the door behind him, “hey after I clean up these plates, do you want to go to the mall?” She turned her head around while slowly grabbing each plate, “uhh'', Billy slowly looked down on himself he gulped and put his left hand around his neck in a discomfort motion, (Y/n) saw his discomfort, “oh actually we don’t have to go if you don’t want too; I understand we can stay here-“ “No!- mmhg, sorry… it’s ok, I just need a jacket, is all…” (Y/n) face looked puzzled for a bit but then soon understood. “Oh! Ye sure, let me finish these dishes and I'll go grab one of my dad jackets.” before she walked to the sink with plates in hands. She gave the most gentlest smile back, Billy’s heart skips a beat, he then looked at the floor to cover up his slightly red cheeks, (Y/n) was already cleaning the dishes, ‘god why do I blush like an idiot’ he shook his head back in forth, in a fast motion and looked up and breathed out, “do you always make food this bomb”, he walked up to the table and sat down on one of the chairs, she just giggled.

“Well I learned it from my mother, your actually eating head chef”

“Wait- your mother is a head ch-“

“No!, but I always tell her that because her food is delicious…”

“Not as delicious as yo- I MEAN- fuck- ow”

(Y/n) just laughed, “ok mister flirt”; Billy just smirked back but while Billy was clenching his side a little, In discomfort he tried to fix it but it felt knotted, when he tried even a small bit he felt a burning sensation, “mmmggg” he was so distracted by his side that he didn’t even seen (Y/n) holding the dark red jacket next to him, “are you ok?” He looked up, “ye-“ he shut his eyes shut; ‘fuck that just made it worse’ she layed the jacket on the table and lowered herself down a little, “let me see”, with no hesitation Billy just moved up his shirt a little, (Y/n) saw the problem, his left prosthetic lung was slightly out, it was under his skin but it felt out of place, she slowly put it back in place, and started to rub his side a little, “is that better?” “God that feels a lot better” Billy then slowly grabbed the jacket and slowly put it over his head, when he got it sorted, he felt annoyed, he breathed out with frustration, “what’s wrong?!” “I hate feeling smaller” now that (Y/n) thinks about it, it looked baggy on him, “but it’s fine, it just takes time to get myself back where I was… originally at…” he said in a low tone, (Y/n) just smiled and gave him a reassuring shoulder rub, before she walked past him, “oh. Here”, she suddenly looked in her small backpack and got out 3 small lollipops, one was green, and two oranges, “sorry I really like orange so your gonna see that a lot”, she hand them to him, “thanks..”, “your welcome”.

When she past by him And opened the door, Billy followed, ‘still can’t believe fuckin lollipops help with my anxiety’ he poped on in his mouth and followed after her.

— time skip (close to noon) —

The ride was quiet, houses passing by, some people walking their dogs or just some kids just hanging out with their friends, “hey Billy…”

“Hmm…”

“I know we’re out of the hospital… but do you need to do anything else to do at the hospital?”

“Well I had a phone call a little later after you left; they told me that whenever I feel unfucked, I can get lighter meds and start working, or whatever I usually do…”

“Well that’s good-“

“Well YEA- *mmmgg* but not really because I’ll be sitting around for some fuckin months, without really doing work, or not riding my Camaro…”

“Well… you have me and max-“

“Max… *sigh* I know she forgave me but sometimes it feels half-sided… did she tell you anything when you were driving her to school.”

“No, we just talked about her friends and a bit of her mom, but nothing negative towards you or to anyone else.”

“Well that’s good…”

“Yeah, don't even sweat it, b.”

‘Well that's a relief’ billy’s muscles slowly untense, His mind felt mellow, the soft music in the car made everything felt slow and calm and collected, it makes billy’s eyes droopy, soon (Y/n) started humming to the music, he feels the tiredness kicks in, “ima take a nap tell me when we get there” billy crunch the small bit of lollipop and left the stick in the change compartment, “hey!” Billy laughed through his nose, closed his eyes and fell asleep.

—- time skip (literally 35 minutes) —-

(Y/n) POV

When I parked the car, it felt silent until I heard Billy’s small snores from my right. (Y/n) looked to her right and saw Billy, ‘oh b…’ ‘his snores were light, maybe because of his lung’, his breathing would stop midway, like it got stuck on something, (Y/n) also noticed if he breathed to much, his eyes would squeeze little, then unsqueezed when he fixed his air pipes.

(Y/n) didn’t want to wake up mister cute asshole, but she had too. So she moved her hand to his arm and shaked him so lightly because she didn’t want to hurt him.

Billy’s POV

The light shakes stirred him up, made him breathed more than what he remembered to do, which made his breathing hitched, *mmmgg* he opened his eyes instantly to remember where the hell he was at again, he felt his muscles tense up, when he saw to his right first, he felt the anxiety kicking in when he thought he wasn’t home, then he looked to his left and saw (Y/n), felt all that anxiety and that muscle tension eased out, “you ok? You looked stressed and sorry I woke you up, we're already here.” “It’s… ok just so much has happened beforehand and when I wake up… I just feel like something bad would happen.”

“Sorry b for scaring you… but you know I’m here for you, so nothing horrible is gonna happen, and if it does happen, I got your back.”

“Why are you… Nevermine” ‘you fucking idiot why would you even answer that question, she’s probably doing it out of pity-‘

“Because your my friend, and I want to help you get back on your feet, so you can help Maxine now, when before you couldn’t because of your fucker of a dad.”

Billy felt touched about that, “thanks for being here for me…” he said in just a whisper…

“Ok no more being a downer! Come on, let's have fun!” She then quickly but carefully grabbed one of the lollipops from his jacket, and took it out and handed it to Billy, he took it. It was the lime, he peeled the rapper and put the sucker in, she was already out of her car, so she tapped the window beside him.

“Ye ye… coming sweet cheeks.”

—— time skip (just walked in the mall) —-

The mall was huge from the inside, there was stores from left to right, there where your little stores that were in the middle of the mall and your huge crowds that always gave you that anxiety, when you don’t need it the most, that dumb tension was coming back, because people were giving those slight disgusted glances at him, he teethed his lollipop stick in his mouth, there was still lime lefted but he might just break it. (Y/n) starts to notice his panic, “hey don’t mind them.” She moved in front of him “just focus on me, because those small bit of people are just some nobodies” “look who you're talking to.” Billy felt anxious, so he slowly put his hood up and just looked down downward to hide from everyone around him, even you.

So (Y/n) got a little closer, which confused him because of how close she was to him, “I thought the B I knew didn’t give to shits what people think.” “Well guess I’m really have changed, just a fuckin loser-“ “No, your strong, because you protected a bunch of kids from a big fuck up that was going to kill everyone.” “…” “and the B, I know just saved me and max, from a racist sugar daddy” Billy just chuckled, “don’t call that asshole a sugar daddy because your wayyy off.. sweetheart” she laughed back, “ok, and” she moved her hand to his hood and moved it off his head and put it to his shoulders, “why are you hiding such a handsome face away from little o me” she then moved her hand to his chin to lift it up a little. His ears were slightly red, she then grabbed his right hand from his jacket pocket and tried to pull him so he could start moving.

“You're a cheater, you know that.”

“Not if that cheater is trying to help!”

He squeezed her hand lightly and started to move a little.

“Thanks miss prez”

“Har har, bb.”

— tiny time skip >:D —

They walked in plenty of stores, some people still having those looks, but all he cares about is (Y/n), that dumb fuckin anxiety try to come back, but he would look back at (Y/n) or her just speaking just helped in general. When they went to their last store for the 2 hours that passed from the other stores, it was a male clothing store. The clothes were a bit expensive but on the rich side.

She was looking black plain shirts, she always looked at the darker colors, “what do you think of this shirt?” she brought up a dark gray shirt, it almost looked black, “it’s a nice color but why are you looking in a men’s store?” “Oh! Uh! Just getting my father some clothes. Also what size are you?” Billy just gave a disappointed look ‘why my size?!?!’ He looked down on his shirt, “wait sorry, I meant how you used to weigh.”

“Oh, I thought you meant now, um I was a L, aren’t your father a XL?”

“Well…. He told me that he lost some weight, so now he’s a Large!”

‘I’m not bying it Prez’ “ok… also if ur going to ask my favorite colors, they’re black and dark red”

“Blood red or crimson red?”

“Sweet thing isn’t that the same thing”

She gives a disappointed look, “blood red is darker.”

“Ok then I like blood red”

She grabbed a blood red jacket, it had a black rose design on the right upper side of the chest area. Then she picked up a white shirt and a black one. The jacket was a bit expensive, “hey I can buy the jacket for your dad.”

“Oh no I got everything, don't worry about it!”

“Ok, Miss Prez.”

Right before they were at the cash counter, (Y/n) spoke, “hey do you want to grab something to eat at the food court, before we go grab your sister from her school?”

“Sure and it will be my treat.”

“Sure and thanks, I feel like I spent a lot today.”

Billy just chuckled, “yea, no shit, I’m holding three bags full of stuff.”

She just gave that uh huh look and said, “thanks Mr security guard.”

“Mmmmhmmm”

When they made it to the counter, she paid off the clothes and they both walked out to the food court.

—- time skip >:D —

After they ordered their tacos, they placed all their bought things under the table and their food on the table. Billy sat down first and he sat on the cushioned side of the table, (Y/n) was about to sit on the other side but she sat next to Billy. Billy was slightly questioning but he changed his mind and just didn’t mind it. Her right leg touched his left a little, “can’t wait to destroy these tacos”

Billy just laughed, “why destroy it, why don’t you just…”

He opened the taco a little, “eat it out…”

(Y/n) just blushed slightly and punched his left arm lightly. “You dork, why are you so flirtatious…”

They just laughed and continued to eat.

—-

Billy finished up his food and (Y/n) was just finishing up. Those disgusted stares eventually settled down after a bit, but Billy had a distinct feeling, that a small group was staring daggers behind his neck, a anxious feeling started to crawl up his spine, Billy started to fidget his right leg, (Y/n) started to notice his fidgeting, “you ok-.”

“Well isn’t that Billy hargrove…” four boys came up from behind, they were four Caucasian young men, looked around their age, one was wearing a red flannel, one was wearing a white plain shirt, another was wearing a gray jacket, and the last one was wearing all black. “So what happened to the glorious king, hm.”

“Shut your mouth”

“Dang still vicious as before, but I guess you're still just a drag to hangout around”

Billy just gave a annoyed look, (Y/n) opened her mouth to say something, but then the other boy with the red flannel spoke up, “oh and he has chick too”

“Yeah Billy, why don’t you hand her over so we can talk to her instead.”

“How about you all fuck off, before something about to happen.”

“Oh what the last thing I heard you had a serious bad surgery, so I highly doubt you can fight with how scrawny you are.”

“*sigh*, come on (Y/n) let’s go get my sibling and get the fuck out of here” Billy try to get up but he got pushed down, by a hand on his right shoulder, “where the fuck your going aren’t you going to fight, oh wait you fucking can’t because are little Billy here has changed-“

(Y/n) spoke up “would you shut your mouth, and leave us the fuck alone.”

“whoa! Someone got your panties wet-“

‘Oh fuck this’ Billy tried to punch the bastard with his right hand but the guy use his left hand and pin Billy’s right arm down, “get the chick!” The guy with the grey jacket grab (Y/n) by the arm, “fuck off! Let go of me!” People around them were starting to stare, someone was calling security, and others speeding running off to a another location, “let go of her!-" Suddenly Billy felt lifted and pushed against a brick pillar that was on Billy’s right side from where he was sitting, “wow you really are light.” “Shut your fuckin!-“ the guy punch Billy in his stomach region, Billy grasped for air, but then had a coughing fit after it, Billy lowered his head a little but that didn’t last long, the guy used his left hand and tugged Billy’s hair back, digging threw his scalp, and harshly put his head on the pillar. “Fuck! You're still healing from surgery, what an idiot.” Then he put his body up against Billy mostly his left arm up against him, then he used his right shin, and kneed him in the stomach, “MMMMMGGGG”, Billy was breathing heavy, and it hurt him even more because of his left fucking lung, “STOP!”

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH BITCH, Jordan hand mark the knife, before security comes!”

The young lad that was wearing all black spoke, “but-“ Zacharius spoke up again.

“HAND IT OVER!”

Jordan with his shaky hand got the switchblade from his Jean pocket. And try to give it to mark, but Mark snatched the blade off Jordan’s hands, and he move (Y/n)’s back to his chest, put her head back and put the knife on her neck, zacharius then looked back at Billy, “what are you going to do now, your precious little bitch is being handled with care-“

“I will fucking gut you up like a fish-“

Zacharius punch him in his face, and again, again, and again, Billy’s nose was bleeding, but he couldn’t care less, then he got punched in his abdomen twice, Billy started to coughed up blood, “your really are just a weakling-“

Billy spit his blood in Zach’s eyes, “AAAAAAGHHH, YOU FUCKER-“ Billy punched the living hell out of him, zach fell and almost knocked out but Billy got on him and started punching him again,

PUNCH

The security guard finally came over, and Mark let go of the knife; let go (Y/n) and scatter, the other boys ran off. (Y/n) was shocked what just happened and what Billy was still punching him, Zacharius was crying his eyes out, and screaming stop, (Y/n) finally moved with her shaky legs and got to Billy

PUNCH

“Billy stop!”

PUNCH

“BILLY!”

PUNCH

(Y/n) got a hold of Billy’s swinging arm, Billy froze and looked back at (Y/n), ‘(Y/n)?!’ (Y/n) pulled him up and the security guard came over with a first aid kit and handed it over to (Y/n), “you both lucky, people said that you two were defending yourselves, now get the hell out of here!”

“Yes ma’am.” You both said and picked up your stuff and walked back to the car.

——

After everything was put in the back seats, (Y/n) got in the car; Billy was already in the car, he was slouching over and his head was in his hands.

Billy felt (Y/n) staring at him, “why do you even hang around by me, I’m always trouble, always causing trouble, and always being around trouble…” Billy’s voice sounded hoarse.

“B, it wasn’t even your fault…”

“No it is, everything and everyone always wants to pick a fight with a troublesome asshole like myself.”

“Well you're wrong in so many ways, that I would call you. Fuckin idiot, if you think I wouldn’t be there for you.”

“…”

“Lift your head up”

Billy lift his head up and you can see the pain in his eye, his mouth slightly quivering, (Y/n) saw red and purple bruises on his face, and a black eye on his left, his nose had dried up blood, so she cleaned and cleared the blood out, put some band-Aids on some scrapes on his face.

“Why are you doing this?”

“B I’m not answering that question, you already know”

“…”

“Also don’t think it is weird but I need you to take your shirt off and jacket, so I can check any injuries.”

Billy took his jacket off and then his shirt, and put them behind his chair. Then (Y/n) moved in his lap, “wait-“

“Not what you think.”

Billy fell silent again and looked to his left, hiding his red cheeks, (Y/n) put alcohol on his scrapes and bandaged them up, (Y/n)’s legs were at each side of his legs, every time she touched him or checked and moved to see anything else that is bruised, her hips would sway, he was trying so hard to not be fucking hard.

“There, I finished, you're all good.”

She climbed back in the driver’s seat. Billy got his clothes from the back seat and put them back on. (Y/n) spoke, “how are you feeling?”

“Just fine Prez… and sorry what happened either…”

“B, it’s like I said you're fine, nothing is wrong, it’s just the universe can be a real asshole and we have to deal with it…”

“…”

“Now let’s go get your adorable gremlin of a sister…”

Billy put a slight smile on his face, “*sigh* oh Prez…”

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader angst #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things billy fanfiction #stranger things billy #stranger things Billy hargrove #stranger hings hargrove #Billy hargrove x reader angst #billy hargrove angst #stranger things Billy angst #reader fanfiction #stranger things au #neil hargrove #max mayfield #maxine mayfield

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the-chicken-or-the-banana · 3 years

Text

andreil and goodbye kisses (pt. 7) ft. allison

parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 good lord why have i stretched this one concept out for so long skdflskj || part 8

allison thinks — nay, knows — that neil josten is just the cutest human being alive. certainly a badass. very threatening. will bite when provoked.

but still very cute. adorable. squish, if you will.

(also, have you seen those eyes??)

she likes to believe she is the mother hen of the newborn chick — the startled bambi — that is neil josten

and so, as an experienced, highly intellectual person, she... questions neil's taste in men

allison worries that andrew is just stringing neil along, ready to drop him whenever he pleases

(renee insists this is not the case, but what does renee know?)

anyways, allison concludes that andrew must be put to the test to confirm that he is good enough for her precious (and slightly rude) child

now, allison isn't one to perpetuate stereotypes, but andrew is a well-dressed gay man with plenty of experience in dressing up neil nicely

and, as the self-crowned queen of fashion, she knows that clothes can tell a lot about an individual

(for example, her clothes are wonderful, which means that she is flawless)

so allison decides that going clothes shopping with andreil (she cannot thank nicky enough for coming up with that ship name) is the only way to truly see if andrew is good enough for neil

so she plans. and one thursday evening, she corners andrew and neil and tells them what's going down

"neil. you and your boy— " "he's not my boy" "you and your boy will join me this saturday to go shopping at the mall. any questions?" "yes, actually— " "great, i'll see you then!"

to her surprise, andrew actually shows up with neil on saturday, twirling his car keys with a bored expression

"minyard. you are not driving"

"alright then. neil, let's go back to to bed"

"okay okay fine you can drive"

allison, with great dignity, regales herself to backseat passenger. at least this way she has a perfect view of the heart eyes transpiring between andrew and neil

(and if she sneaks in a couple of pictures of them — well, no one needs to know)

they finally reach the mall and allison is ready to start her sneaky observations

first: she spots a cute pink sweater in an egregiously bright shop window and drags neil inside, checking conspicuously if andrew follows him

he does

pleased, allison browses through the store, plucking the sweater she originally saw to try on later

after a little more looking, she emerges from the dressing room to show off the sweater to neil

"well neil? how do i look?"

"oh uh. pretty? andrew, how does she look?"

andrew sweeps an impassive gaze over her and promptly turns around without a word

allison is outraged. how dare he simply ignore neil! does he not think neil is important enough to respond to? does he not care at all? how can he just— oh

andrew returns with a pale blue sweater she had seemingly missed and throws it at her face

she goes back in to try it with a huff. surprisingly (and annoyingly), this one looks even better than the pink one did

she buys the blue one. but andrew's still on thin fucking ice

second: after the sweater fiasco, she leads andreil over to a shoe store. allison * very deliberately * walks through the men's footwear, hoping andrew will take notice of something he likes there for neil, before making her way to the women's section

she tries on a few sandals, showing them off to neil, and andrew wanders off in the middle of her runway strut

(she can't understand why. he might be gay, but surely he can still appreciate her legs, right?)

her questions are answered after andrew emerges from an aisle carrying a navy blue box, placing it in front of neil

neil stares at it. andrew kicks him in the shin

"oh am i supposed to wear it?"

andrew rolls his eyes and bends down, switching neil's old sneakers for a new pair of running shoes he found

allison nearly coos at the sight of the terrifying andrew minyard tying his boyfriend's shoelaces with such a focused look

neil loves the shoes. allison buys them for him. and maybe she approves of andrew just a little bit more

third: after a few more stores, allison is at the final stop of her experiment — clothes shopping for neil

she spends an agonizingly long hour searching for clothes neil might actually wear, but when she goes to give it to him, he's nowhere to be found

frantically, she combs through the store again, already thinking of private investigators to hire to find him

suddenly, allison spots his bright hair against the wall in the far corner of the store

she races over there, ready to give neil a piece of her mind for worrying her, until she sees what he's up to

he's kissing andrew. but it's not heavy making-out, it's not anything too explicit. it's just very adorable kissing

(allison has to bite back a laugh when she notices that andrew has to go on his toes to reach neil)

she goes to pull out her phone, but the clothes in her hand rustle, causing neil to glance her way

he winces at the massive pile of clothes, but presses a kiss to andrew's lips, then nose, before gingerly taking the clothes to try on

allison squints at andrew upon seeing the nose kiss. he scowls at her and promptly walks away in the direction neil left to

allison considers the sight she just saw. surely andrew wouldn't be willing to be so openly soft if he was just playing neil, right? right.

(damn, maybe renee did know some things after all)

allison gives a pleased smile — maybe andrew really is okay for neil — before suddenly remembering the bet that she's probably going to lose soon

but she doesn't mind losing some money anymore; she has plenty of it

all allison wants is for neil to be happy. and if andrew brings him happiness— well, she doesn't really understand neil's taste, but she supports it anyway

fuck. when did she get so soft?

#this one ended up unreasonably long lmao #idek why? like i had no ideas and then bam!#this was the longest hc yet #life is weird #andreil #andrew minyard #the foxhole court #neil josten #aftg #tfc #all for the game #allison reynolds #renee walker #andreil headcanon #andreil hc #aftg hc #aftg headcanon #palmetto state foxes #andreil bullet fic

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acesydneysage · 3 years

Text

A Sydney and Eddie retrospective

@vablappreciationweek Favorite familial relationship: The Melrose Twins

Part 2, Books 4-6: The Heartbreaking Trilogy, Why Are You Doing This To Me This Is So Sad

Part 1 here

In The Fiery Heart, Sydney and Eddie definitely already love each othe like siblings. By the end of the book they prove that in the most painful way possible, but let's ge through some cuteness first while I steel my heart.

We get Adrian's perspective on this book, so it's nice to see Eddie talking about Sydney when she isn't around:

“Because it’s Sydney,”said Eddie from the backseat. In the rearview mirror, I could see an easy smile on his face, though there was a perpetual sharpness in his eyes as he scanned the world for danger. He and Neil had been trained by the guardians, the dhampir organization of badasses that protected the Moroi. “Giving one hundred percent to a task is slacking for her.”

When Sydney wants to soften Zoe's extreme opinions on vampires, she picks Eddie to be Zoe's driving instructor because she wants "someone approachable and friendly who’d show her not all dhampirs were evil creatures of the night."

When Sydney is being a sappy romantic and describes what love is to the group, Eddie is the one who lingers looking at her the longest, he can tell something is different about her. They really know each other by now. When Eddie let's Zoe drive outside of the parking lot, he knows Sydney so well that he knows what she's going to say, and what to say to make it better:

“I can’t believe Eddie of all people would do that. It’s irresponsible.”She nodded. “He said you’d say that and that I should tell you, ‘At least it wasn’t Angeline.’”I couldn’t help it. I laughed at that. “That’s true. He does have limits.”

Later when she tells Zoe frivolity might not be such a bad thing, they have a sweet little moment:

“Sometimes frivolity isn’t a bad thing.” Eddie, who didn’t seem put out about the dance, grinned. “Sydney, when we first met, I never would’ve thought those words could come out of your mouth. What happened to you?” Everything, I thought. I met his grin with one of my own. “We all need some fun. We should forget that dance and go out and see a movie that night. When was the last time we all did that?”“I think the answer is ‘never,’” said Jill.

When Neil comes up with his crazy plan to test the Stigoi vaccine, Eddie is very shaken up by the similarities to the event in Spokane that lead to Mason's death. While Sydney thinks that "if Eddie was involved, one Strigoi seemed feasible", what finally convinces Eddie to go is her magic. Although Neil puts her on the spot, she does ultimately make the choice to trust him with this dangerous knowledge about her:

Eddie wasn’t swayed, and there was a look on his face I’d never seen before. “I’m not denying the principles, but it’s too dangerous. And not just to you. I did something like this once . . .” A pain so intense that it tore at my heart crossed Eddie’s features. “Me and some friends. We thought we could take on Strigoi . . . and my best friend ended up dead. No matter how prepared you think you are, even against only one, the unexpected can happen.” [...] The more this got out, the more trouble I was in. And yet, as I looked into Eddie’s steady gaze, I was reminded of our friendship and all we’d been through. In a world of secrets and lies, there were few I could thoroughly trust anymore, but I knew then, without a doubt, that Eddie was one I could. Taking a deep breath, hoping I wasn’t being a fool, I held out my hand. A nervous glance around confirmed we were alone, and I brought forth a spark of fire in my palm that soon grew into the size of a tennis ball. Eddie leaned over and gasped, the orange flames reflecting off his face. “Maybe . . . maybe our odds have gotten better,” he said.

During the fight with the Strigoi they go after, we get a little more about their similarities, how they're both so dedicated to helping others, and they both seriously admire each other so much. You get a bit of that from Sydney's perspective,and how much she cares about Eddie:

I knew what agony Eddie had to be in because I shared it. We both wanted to help Neil. Doing nothing, even for a handful of seconds, went against every part of our beings. [...] For his part, Eddie was magnificent. It had been a while since I’d seen him fight, and I’d nearly forgotten that the adopted brother I joked and ate lunch with was a lethal warrior. [...] I had to act. I couldn’t just stand by and let Eddie be annihilated, not if there was anything I could do.

After the fight, Sydney is caught up in the euphoria of surviving a near death experience, and she makes pretty much zero effort to hide her relationship with Adrian from Eddie:

As soon as I was on the road with Eddie and Jill, I told them, “I need to see Adrian. Drop me off and take my car. He’ll give me a ride back.” Eddie looked totally surprised by that. “Why do you need to see him?” “I just do.” I didn’t feel like attempting an excuse, and Eddie wasn’t the type to badger me. The most I got was a curious look when we reached the apartment. His curiosity turned to panic when he realized I’d be leaving him alone with Jill. “Good luck,”I said as I got out, not entirely sure who needed it the most.

When Eddie figures out that they're together she tries to avoid the conversation, expecting condemnation, but he's very supportive. This is the last conversation they have before everything falls apart, and everything I tried to remove to shorten it felt like an important character moment, but the most relevant parts are bolded:

“Sydney . . .”Eddie’s light mood vanished, and even with my eyes on the road, his tone tipped me off that something serious was about to happen. “About that. About you going to Adrian’s . . .”I felt a tightening of my throat and couldn’t answer immediately. “Don’t talk about that,” I said. “Please.” “No, we need to.” Eddie knew. Eddie knew, and if the subject wasn’t so dire, I would’ve laughed. He was oblivious to his own social affairs, but guardians were trained to watch and observe. Eddie did that, and no doubt he’d picked up all sorts of little things between Adrian and me. We tried so hard to hide from the Alchemists, but hiding from our friends, who knew us and loved us, was impossible. “Are you going to lecture me?” I asked stiffly. “Tell me I’m breaking taboos that have been in place for centuries to preserve the purity of our races?” “What?” He was aghast. “No, of course not.” I dared a look. “What do you mean ‘of course not’?” “Sydney, I’m your friend. I’m his friend. I’d never judge you, and I’d certainly never condemn you.” “A lot of people think what we’re doing is wrong.” It felt strange and oddly relieving to acknowledge my relationship with Adrian to another person. “Well, I’m not one of them. If you guys want it . . . that’s your business.” “Everyone’s suddenly very liberal about this,” I said with wonder. “I just heard a similar thing from Trey and Angeline—about their own relationship, that is. Not about . . . other people’s.” “I think my ill-fated time with Angeline may be part of it,” he said, with more humor than I expected, considering she’d cheated on him. “She talked enough about her people that after a while, it didn’t seem that weird. And, well, my race exists because humans and Moroi got together and had kids way back when.”I felt a smile start to grow on my lips. “Adrian says it wouldn’t be fair to the world if he and I had kids, what with the overwhelming power of our collective charm, brains, and good looks.” Eddie laughed outright, not something I heard very often, and I found myself laughing too. “Yeah, I can see him saying something like that. And that’s the thing, I think . . . the real reason I’m not that weirded out by you two. It goes against all sound logic, but somehow, you two together . . . it just works.” “‘Against all sound logic,’” I repeated. “Isn’t that the truth.” A little of his amusement faded. “But that’s not what worries me. Or the morality of it. It’s your own people I’m worried about. How long are you going to be able to go on like this?” I sighed as I took the exit for the meeting spot. “As long as the center holds.”

Eddie thinks Sydney and Adrian make sense. Obviously I agree that they absolutely do, but on a surface level it doesn't look like it. You have to know them and have a better understanding of their personalities to figure out how they actually fit together. What he's worried about is the Alchemists. Of course, by this point, since the ending of TFH is a sadistically drawn out torture, we already know from the ending of the last chapter that she's about to be captured.

I made it the door first... and found Eddie. His clothes were dirty and torn, and the right side of his face was swollen and red. There was a wild, half-crazed look in his eyes I’d never seen before. A feeling of dread settled over me, and the darkness and despair and fear that had left me alone for so long began to rear their collective ugly head. I knew, even without Eddie saying a word, what had to have happened. I knew because of that terrible look of pain on his face, a pain similar to when he hadn’t been able to save Mason. [...] “Adrian,” he gasped out. “I tried, I tried. There were too many. I couldn’t stop them.” He came forward and gripped my arm. “I tried, but they took her. It was a setup. I don’t know where she is. She tricked me, damn it! I never would have left her if she hadn’t tricked me!”

When they figure out it's a trap and he tells her to run, her first instinct was that she couldn't leave him behind. When they're running together through the woods the Alchemists start shooting at Eddie, specifically. He's running at Sydney's pace and she knows he would never leave her, the he would die to save her. And she knows she could not let him die.

Eddie won’t leave me, I thought frantically. He’ll never leave me. They want me, but they don’t care about him. He can live or die, and it won’t matter to them. But if he’s what’s keeping them away, they’ll shoot him and destroy his body. “Eddie,”I said, panting. “We need to split up.” “Never.” That answer wasn’t a surprise. What was a surprise was that out of all the things rattling around in my mind, Abe Mazur’s words popped up in the forefront:. Don’t think for an instant that I wouldn’t do terrible, unspeakable things if it could save someone I love. Because it was Abe, I’d naturally assumed he was talking about doing terrible, unspeakable things to other people. But as Eddie and I held on to each other, the words took on a whole different meaning. In that moment, I knew I would do anything to save Eddie—my friend—whom I loved. Even if it meant doing something terrible and unspeakable to myself.

The first thing established in the first paragraph of Bloodlines is that re-education is Sydney's greatest fear, literally her worst nightmare. But she faces that, she walks right back and turns herself in in order to keep Eddie safe. She tricks him into spliting up by claiming that it's part of a spell, and he believes her because he's seen her do extraordinary things.

“I tried,” he whispered. “Adrian, I tried. I never would have ever left her if I’d known. I would have stayed with her to the end. I would have laid down my life and—” I had to forcibly hit the pause button on my own feelings as I dealt with his. Eddie had lost another person. It was bad luck, that was all. He was one of the most badass , capable guardians out there, but he couldn’t believe that about himself, not when he kept seeing these failures laid at his feet. Looking into his eyes, I recognized the intense self-loathing consuming him. I knew the feeling well because I was carrying around a fair amount of it myself. “I know you would have,” I said. “There was nothing you could do.” He shook his head and stared off with a haunted look. “I was an idiot. I never should’ve bought into that spell stuff. After what I’d seen her do with fire, it just seemed so . . . well, real. I believed her. It made sense.” I smiled without humor. “Because that’s what she does. She’s trained to make people believe things. And outsmart them. You didn’t have a chance.” She also was willing to trade her own life to save her friend’s, but no one had trained her to do that. It was just something within her. Eddie wasn’t going to be swayed so easily, and I left him to his grief as I huddled with mine.

When Sydney's captured, Eddie feels like he failed her, just as he'd failed Mason in Spokane, and Jill when the rebels killed her. But still, he has faith in her, that she can hold on to herself:

“How much can they really change her, though?” asked Eddie. “I mean . . . she’s Sydney. She’ll be the same . . . right? She can fight them.”

In Silver Shadows,Sydney is in re-education, and she still finds it in her to be worried about her friends on the outside. Eddie's humiliation and guilt over having lost Sydney killed the kindling romance he had with Jill. There isn't much he can do to help find her at this point.

Once they find a lead on where she is, going to her rescue is very important to Eddie, but he also feels conflicted about leaving Jill with less protection. When the time comes, Jill convinces them to take Eddie because he needed to be part of her rescue, he'd been consumed by guilt this whole time, and that might be the only thing that would allow him to feel redeemed.

With some urging from Jill, he leaves her behind, and goes off to break into a prison again, to rescue a much worthier prisoner this time. After getting mostof the prisoners out, Eddie and Adrian go back into the burning building to get Sydney and the remaining people. After they bring her out to freedom, they have this moment where they hold each other and cry, it always makes me so emotional:

Eddie came last, and as we sized each other up, the tears hovering in my eyes finally spilled. “Eddie, I’m so sorry I lied to you that night.” He shook his head and pulled me to him. I heard tears choke up his voice. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop them. I’m sorry I wasn’t protection enough.” “Oh, Eddie,” I said, sniffling. “You’re the best protection. No one could have a better guardian than you. Or a better friend.”

I hope Eddie did feel redeemed, because Sydney pretty much immediately tricks him, and gives him the slip again. She does take the time to try to nudge his love life again first. Then she goes off with Adrian, going against the plan, because she thinks the other fugitives will be safer without her.

"Eddie shot me one last parting smile that nearly choked me up again." “I never thought I’d see Castile brought to tears,” said Adrian as he started up the Mustang. “This really hit him hard. Hell, it hit all of us hard, but he really beat himself up for it. He never forgave himself for you giving him the slip.” “Let’s hope he can,” I said, putting my seatbelt on. “Because it’s about to happen again. We aren’t meeting them at the safe house.”

Eddie was furious about this, but at least this time she didn't get captured. And soon enough he had something else to feel bad about, since Jill went missing right after he got back to her. She disppeared without a trace in the middle of the night, and there's another failure laid at Eddie's feet.

He's not in a great state in the beginning of The Ruby Circle:

Eddie appeared in the doorway. Seeing him almost always brought a smile to my face. In Palm Springs, we’d passed ourselves off as twins, sharing similar dark blond hair and brown eyes. But over time, he’d truly come to feel like a brother to me. I knew few others with such courage and loyalty. I was proud to call him my friend, and as such, it hurt me to see all the pain he felt over Jill’s disappearance. There was always a haunted look about him now, and sometimes I worried whether he was really taking care of himself. He hardly ever shaved anymore, and I had a feeling the only reason he bothered eating was so that he could keep training and stay in shape for when he located Jill’s abductors.

Sydney isn't doing all that great either, stuck in a hostile environment while she deals with her trauma and worries about Jill. When Sydney and Eddie sneak out of court to look for Jill, the power of Raptorbot can make him smile:

“It couldn’t have been that unexpected,” I argued. “I mean, why did he build a dinosaur body for her? Why not something more human? Or at least a more friendly animal?” “Because then there wouldn’t have been much of a movie,” said Eddie. “There’s still got to be a plausible backstory …” I said. A wry smile crossed Eddie’s features, and although the entire topic was absurd, I realized I’d hardly ever seen anything but a grim expression on his face since Jill had been taken. “I don’t think you can really sit down with a movie called Raptorbot Rampage and expect a plausible backstory,” he said. The attendant looked offended. “What are you suggesting? It was a fine piece of film. When the sequel comes out, people will be lined up out the doors to see this exhibit!” “Sequel?” Eddie and I asked in unison.

I love it when the twins talkin unison, even if they probably had opposite tones. And I really love Eddie being a fan of Raptorbot I'm sorry. He and Declan have matching Raptorbot pajamas, you can't change my mind. This is another exchange that screams siblings to me:

“We were probably his only customers today,” I remarked. “That’ll make us memorable—that and having someone who’s actually seen and liked Raptorbot Rampage.” “Hey,” warned Eddie. “Don’t judge until you’ve watched it.”

Later Sydney tries to tease him about it again, but he's focused on the search so his good humor doesn't come back. I think it's very sweet thet she saw something that had made him momentarily happy through the pain, and tried to press that button again.

Eddie is understandably very protective throughout this book. It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you, they actually run into Sydney's family, while they're trying to stay off the Alchemists' radar:

“Then get out of here. Hurry—before he comes out. Both of you.” I was stunned at this complete reversal in her behavior, but Eddie didn’t need to be told twice. He took hold of my arm and nearly dragged me to the car. “We’re going—now,” he ordered. I caught one last glimpse of Zoe before Eddie shoved me in the car, where Ms. Terwilliger sat waiting for us. A thousand emotions played over Zoe’s face as we peeled out, but I could only interpret a few. Sadness. Longing. As we quickly got back on the road, I found myself shaking. Eddie was driving and kept anxiously checking the rearview mirror. “No sign of pursuit,” he said. “She must not have been able to see which direction we went to tell him.” I slowly shook my head. “No … she didn’t tell him at all. She helped us.” “Sydney,” said Eddie, in a stern-but-trying-to-sound-kind voice, “she’s the one who turned you in the first time! The one who started that whole re-education nightmare.”

He doesn't really belive that Zoe had a change of heart, and he tries to be so gentle with Sydney, while anxiously trying to get her away.

With how sad he is in this TRC (he even has broody beard to show it), the bits where he gets excited about things are really adorable. He's very enthusiastic about meeting Malachi Wolfe:

“Are the Chihuahuas really trained to attack?” he asked. I couldn’t help but grin. “That’s what Wolfe claims. We’ve never seen them in action, though.” “I can’t wait to see his nunchucks.” “Do not touch them,” I warned. “Or any weapon, without permission. If he approves of you, he might lend you something too.” [...] “Oh, man,” breathed Eddie. “There really is a herd of them.” I’d seen Eddie fearlessly face down an attacking Strigoi, but he took an uneasy step back at the sound of the canine charge. I grinned and turned toward the door, waiting for Malachi Wolfe himself to answer.

There's a lot of hugging after Sydney leaves re-education. Sydney and Eddie hug a lot, but just in general. Good for her it's what she deserves. "“Eddie,” Sydney exclaimed, running to give him a hug. He grinned back. “You guys okay?” "

When Sydney and Eddie are preparing to infiltrate the Warriors of Light as recruits, she gets a super strength spell while he gets super excited about it, and they have the cutest arm wrestle in history:

“And how much stronger?” asked Eddie eagerly. “Like lift-up-a-car stronger?” Maude smiled. “Sorry to disappoint, but no. [...]” She glanced between Eddie and Sydney speculatively, her smile growing. “I’d say you’re strong enough to hold your own with a dhampir in an arm wrestling match.” “I would kind of love to see that,” I admitted. Eddie’s face said he would as well. Sydney groaned. “Really? That’s so barbaric.” Eddie leaned over and propped his arm up on the table that had previously held the canteen. “Come on, Mrs. Ivashkov. Let’s do this. Besides, if you’re squeamish about arm wrestling, how are you going to handle going head-to-head with the Warriors?” [...] Ultimately, Eddie pushed his strength to its limit and finally defeated her, but not without her holding her own for a while. I held up her arm triumphantly, like a victor at a boxing match. “My wife, ladies and gentlemen. Beauty, brains, and now brawn.” “Awesome,” said Eddie, in a rare moment of delight.

He's really excited about human magic in general, such an adorable nerd. And again, they really do admire each other so much. Following Sydney's blackmailing the Alchemists: "I hung up, and Eddie regarded me with awe. “That was pretty badass. But do you actually think it’ll work?”"

In the epilogue, Eddie pulled strings to live with Sydney and Adrian as a Guardian, and he's one of the people who's in on Declan's secret. He even chooses to sleepin Declan's room.

I sprinted out of the room and up the stairs, to the bedroom that doubled as both a nursery and Eddie’s room. I had high enough royal rank to finally be assigned my own guardian, and Eddie, in that noble way of his, had pulled strings to be assigned to us. I’d initially protested because I wanted him to stay at Court and have a semi-normal dating life with Jill. Eddie, however, felt obligated to be with us—both out of friendship to Sydney and me and for all the times Neil had helped him. We’d offered to turn the house’s small study into Eddie’s own bedroom, but he always ended up sleeping in Declan’s room anyway.

I'm really glad they didn't get separated by the end, it always makes me happy to think about them living together.

#Rapha's Bloodlines Tag #sydney sage #eddie castile #bloodlines series #vampire academy #melrose twins #va #bloodlines #vablappreciationweek #I think I'm late even in Honolulu #I'm incapable of keeping things short and simple #my outline for both these posts had one sentence per book

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moviemunchies · 3 years

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This is a movie that took me a while for me to figure out how I felt about it.

My end verdict: I think this movie’s good, but there is one major change to the story they made that does really bother me. And I understand why they made it, I just think it’s not a great way to adapt the story. At least, for that part.

Anyhow.

So The Green Knight is an adaptation of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, a medieval poem by an anonymous author that became the thing Gawain was most famous for in Arthurian literature. A Green Knight comes to Camelot to play a little game and take a hit, with the condition that in a year the person who did it has to come to his place, the Green Chapel, and take the same hit. And the first hit Gawain does on the Green Knight is a beheading blow...which the Green Knight just gets up from.

The original story emphasizes how this quest tests Gawain’s honor. The movie goes the same route, but instead of focusing on honor in general, it zeroes in on courage as the virtue which Gawain must exhibit in order to finish his quest. Not just courage to face certain death, but also the courage to do the right thing, the courage to stand by loved ones. I think it mostly works, although I think the castle sequence gets short-shifted because of it. That sequence is sort of THE key part of the story in the original poem, whereas here it’s another one of the tests. It’s still an important one, but you wouldn’t think it’s the most important one from the film’s presentation. Because the film is more focused on courage than other parts of honor I understand why, and admittedly I don’t know how to accurately adapt that part of the story to film in a way that doesn’t get boring or repetitive; but I am still fairly disappointed by this aspect of the movie.

Also this movie has a somewhat ambiguous ending? If you wanted to see the end of the story from the original, you’re going to be out of luck. In fact I’m just going to say: if you wanted a strict adaptation of the poem, then you’re going to run into problems with this movie. It takes the premise and, while it does allude very heavily to parts of the story, even bits that you probably don’t remember (St. Winnifred’s well for instance), the movie does a bit of its own thing.

And I really like the ending. I couldn’t tell you why, even if I wanted to (which I don’t because I’m avoiding spoilers), but I wanted to say that I really liked it.

[Also stick around to the very end for a something.]

Visuals in this movie are great? There’s a lot of talk about how surreal and dreamlike much of this movie feels, and that’s all true. The giants who appear (this isn’t a spoiler it’s in the trailers) don’t look like stereotypical fantasy versions of giants, for instance. But also the effects look really good? A lot of it is practical effects like the prosthetics on the Green Knight himself. And that’s important. I wouldn’t say it looks realistic--you’re looking at some crazy shiz here--but it doesn’t look fake.

I do wonder how someone who isn’t very familiar with Arthuriana would take this movie? This movie doesn’t bother to stop and explain a lot. There’s plenty that you can work out; Arthur clearly states that Gawain is his nephew (or rather, that he’s his sister’s son), but we don’t get her name (traditionally Morgause, though like in many versions this movie combines her with Morgan le Fay). I don’t know if Arthur and Guinevere are even named in the movie. Merlin is in the movie in a small role but again, he’s never named. A24 released this helpful video to give you a clue, and Arthurian nerds won’t have a problem. I don’t know how everyone else will fair though.

I am very frustrated by thought pieces on the movie written by people who aren’t remotely familiar with the source material? “This version makes Gawain into Arthur’s nephew.” Yes, chuckmuffin, Gawain is usually Arthur’s nephew in Arthurian stories. “I’m surprised at the emphasis on medieval religion, what with Gawain carrying a shield with Virgin Mary!” That’s also in the original poem, nitwit. And it’s fine if you aren’t familiar with the source material, but then don’t pretend that you are. It’s not hard.

[It reminds me of a video I saw on the American Gods show that said “The show made Shadow Moon into a brown mixed race man to make it relevant to today’s world!” and, uh, again, that’s something straight out of the original novel. Neil once said he imagined Shadow looking something like The Rock.]

Also I was apprehensive about this movie going in, because many reviews only told me three things: the movie’s weird, it’s different than the original story, and an awful lot of critics liked checking out Dev Patel’s body. Which is less than helpful in determining whether I would like the movie.

But I think it’s a good movie. I think it’s worth seeing. I disliked a couple aspects of the movie, but there are some parts of the film I really enjoyed and thought were done well. It’s one of those movies that I’m sure is going to spawn a bunch of crappy academic papers that no one in their right mind would read unless it was assigned, so be on the lookout for those. This movie though… I don’t know if it’s going to be the savior of the fantasy genre as some critics are crowing, but it’s good and interesting and I think you should see it if you’re up to it.

#Movie Munchies #The Green Knight #Dev Patel

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smutandfluffohmy · 3 years

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Dear Mr.Keating Chapter II

Read Chapter I here Description: This is a story about a closer look into the lives of the Dead Poets Society. Exploring first love, friendship and grief. This story explores elements of the book and film.

Todd Anderson had almost convinced himself that the events of yesterday were all a bad dream. He almost convinced himself of just that if he hadn’t woken up face to face with Neil Perry laying on the other bed across from him. Todd admired Neil, he wanted to be like him, speak without feeling his palms getting sweaty, to speak and have people listen to what he had to say. Todd stared at Neil, he tried to find his secret in the curves of his face. The light shone against Neil’s face, it made him feel calm and forget about what the day that waited for him. He wanted to get up to check the time but he was afraid any sound might wake him. Neils eyes started fluttering open, Todd felt a bit of panic then closed his eyes feeling that he might catch him staring.

“What time is it?” Neil asked with a yawn reaching over to the clock they sat against the windowsill. Technically a clock that belonged to Todd, more specifically a clock that belonged to Todd’s desk set. Todd pretended to wake up from a deep sleep rolling over to look over at Neil.

“Shit. We’re late for breakfast.” Neil said jumping out of bed faster than Todd had ever seen anyone do. The fact that someone had that much energy in the morning outstanded Todd. “How do you feel about today?” Neil asked as he was buttoning up his dress shirt just like he'd done many days before.

“I think I might faint.” Todd said tugging in his shirt

“You’ll be fine.” Neil smiled to himself as he looked for his tie, which he found neatly placed on top of his dresser. “I’ll stay close to catch you if you do.” Todd watched Neil closely while he tied his tie, looking at his hands carefully he tried to mimic the movement. But yet he still failed, one end of the tie far too long than the other.

“Here let me help you.” Neil said shooing his hands away and standing in front of him to do it. Todd felt so embarrassed, it was his first day and he was already dependent on Neil to survive Welton. “There you go,” Neil smiled at Todd reaching over for his bag “Come on we’re late!” Neil said, pushing him out of the door.

Neil talked about the classes they had for today, how to act in classes and if they ran fast enough they could still grab a bit of breakfast. Todd was a ship in a reckless sea and Neil was the anchor keeping him at bay.

They walked quickly down the turning halls, Todd thought all the halls looked the same but he followed Neil without a doubt. Their dress shoes clacked against the stone floor, till they reached an arched doorway.

Chemistry. Latin.English. Gym.

That was their schedule for today. The schedule didn’t sound any different from his old school but yet he was worried. Worried that all eyes would be on him for being the new kid.

Chemistry was uneventful. Latin was difficult, Todd had never taken Latin before in his life; instead he took french and was even then still had a hard time passing that. It wasn’t until they reached their English class that Todd felt at ease again after having to sit in a class where he did not know the language. At least in English class he was sure he would be able to understand.

Mr.Keating, their new English teacher, walked into the classroom after they were all sat down at their desk. He didn’t look like the other teachers, the other teachers wore ties and freshly pressed shirts underneath blazers. Mr.Keating stuck out, with no tie and no blazer.

“ ‘O Captain! My Captain!’” Mr. Keating said, his hands in his pockets, Neil wrote on the first line of his notebook ‘O’ Captain! My Captain!’ there was no knowing what they would get tested on later.

“Who knows where that’s from? Anybody? No?” Mr. Keating asked, looking around the classroom waiting for anyone to answer “It was written, my young scholars,” He said smiling at the boys “by a poet named Walt Whittman about Abraham Lincoln. In this class you may refer to me as either Mr.Keating or if you feel more daring ‘O Captain! My Captain” Keating pointed to the door and walked headed to the door and walked out. They all sat, unsure of what to do next, unsure of whether to follow or stay put. “Well come on!” Keating said popping his head inside. The boys all quickly followed, Todd making sure to stick close to Neil unsure if this was a usual occurrence at Welton. He knew the answer but needed an excuse to talk to Neil. Mr.Keating stopped in front of pictures of previous Welton graduates.

“They’re not that different than any of you,are they? Hope in their eyes, just like yours. They believe themselves destined for wonderful things, just like many of you.” Keatings said walking in front of the pictures. “If you listen very carefully you can hear their legacy. Come on boys listen.” Keating said, urging the boys to step closer.

“Carpe. Carpe Diem” Keatting said in a hoarse voice, Neil smiled at Todd by how odd this all was “Seize the day. Make your lives extraordinary.”

---

Neil, Todd, Charlie, Meeks, Pitts and Cameron all walked together on their way to gym class “You think he’ll test us on that stuff?” Cameron asked furrowing his brows at how odd the class was.

“Come on Cameron,” Charlie laughed “don’t you get anything?”.

Cameron didn’t get anything, not anything that wasn’t spelled out for him in a neat 12 point font, not anything that couldn’t be referenced in a text. They made their way towards the outside to attend their gym class, Todd worried about the way he stood, the way he kicked, the way he stretched, the way he breathed. The class felt infinite but before he knew it he was standing in the showers, trying to wash away the embarrassment of missing the soccer ball when he tried scoring a goal.

“Are you coming?” Neil asked drying off his hair with a towel.

“Huh?” Todd asked, admiring how Neil looked. Todd wished he looked like that, he liked looking at Neil and decided it would be easier to stare at him if they had the same face.

“Study group?” Neil said.

“Thanks, but… I’d better do history.” Todd said, it was a lie he wanted to lie in bed and forget about how he didn’t know Latin and how he barely made the grades to get in here in the first place and he already felt himself drowning in homework.

“Okay, you can always change your mind.” Neil said smiling at him, hoping to see Todd there.

Todd only nodded, not knowing the way to reach the library even if he changed his mind. They got changed, talking about how Knox was due at the Danburrys but Todd was only looking down at the tie in his hand and shoving it in the pocket of his blazer. While they spoke of the Danburrys status and prestige, Neil tugged the tie over his head and wordlessly handed it to Todd and stuck out his palm face up for Todds hidden tie. Which Todd wordlessly complied to. He shared a room with Neil, he had classes with Neil, he spent almost every moment of his day with Neil but somehow this tie nudged him over the edge.

Knox sighed “They're probably old and boring, like my parents.” he said, rolling his eyes at the thought of having to be stuck listening to them talk for hours.

Charlie draped an arm around Knox’s shoulder “Cheer up Knox, anything is better than the food they give us here.” He said laughing.

“What if they give me chowder and,” Knox sighed, preferring Weltons mystery meat over conversations about the old days in the law firm “and what do old people eat?” he asked

“Prunes.” Meeks said with a smile, imagining Knox having to force himself to eat buckets of chowder and prunes.

“What if they give me prunes!” Knox cried out.

Pitts sighed looking at his friends “They’re old not on the way to kick the bucket.” he said.

“Talking about old prunes,” Charlie said, “Cameron asked if he could join the study group.”

“It’s not our fault he’s your roommate.” Knox sighed, grateful at least he won’t have to hear Cameron talk about all the extra curriculars Nolan gave him. This comment made Todd who was following closely behind Neil perk up at the sound of. At least for once, for now he wasn’t the least desirable person in the group.

Charlie huffed “It’s not mine either,” he said “So is he in?”

-----

Knox went back to his room to change for dinner, Todd went back to his room, and the rest of the boys went on to the library to study.

Todd laid his papers and books on his bed, it would’ve all been easier if done at his desk but he couldn’t manage the thought of opening up his drawer for a pen or even just setting his things down on the desk set.

He didn;t get much done, getting frustrated with himself for not knowing Latin and for not remembering when the declaration was signed. Instead Todd looked at their room and then out to the courtyard. It was large but unbearably small at the same time.

-----

“How was dinner?” Pitts asked as soon as he saw Knox making his way towards them.

Neil looked up from his notes to see his friend standing there, his blazer resting on his shoulder and a look of despair on his face “Dear god Knox, what did they tie you up and feed you prunes?” Neil asked.

“Worse.” Knox sighed, slumping down on the open chair.

“Worse?” Charlie said, laughing at the thought of what the old Danburry’s did to Knox.

“Terrible! I met the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life! And she’s practically engaged to that meathead Chet Danburry.” Knox said.

“Too bad,” Pitts said.

“Too bad! It’s a tragedy!” Knox wailed “Why does she have to be in love with a jerk?” He sighed looking at his friends desperately for a reason as to why an idiot like Chet Danburry would have an angel like Chris.

Pitts placed a reassuring hand on Knox shoulder “All the good ones are,” He said “You know what forget her. Take out your trig book and figure out problem 12.” Pitts said pushing his trig book closer to Knox.

“I can’t forget her, Pitts, and I can’t think about trig” Knox said, pushing the trig book away from him. ‘They’ve never been in love that wouldn’t understand’ Knox thought to himself. Which was true, outside of a few mumbling words to girls over summer break they didn’t have any experience with girls.

Meeks walked around Pitts to look at a problem open in front of Knox “You need to use tangent here.” Meeks said pointing at the problem.

“Do you really think I should forget her?” Knox said, pain written on his face at the thought of forgetting Chris, his Chris, future hims Chris.

“You’ve only spoken once to the girl,” Cameron said, gathering up his things “you’ll forget her by morning.” he assured Knox.

“I’d never forget an angel like Chris.” Knox said sighing, painting her face to memory scared of when the next time he would see her might be. The rest of the boys couldn’t help but imagine a Marilyn Monroe or a Brigitte Bardot, and even a Raquel Welch. Neil wondered how pretty a girl must be to have to have him all twisted around. Neil gathered his books in his arms and made his way back to his room.

“We missed you at study group.”Neil said once he saw Todd looking out the window, a forgotten textbook sitting beside him on his bed. Todd didn’t answer and only nodded “Penny for your thoughts?” Neil said, sitting on his own bed, waiting to hear about Todds day. Despite them sharing the exact same day he couldn’t wait to hear how Todd felt about today, how he liked the classes, if he thought Keatings was a little odd.

“Not even worth that much.” Todd laughed flipping through his history textbook trying to find the answer for the next question.

“Bet they’re worth a lot more than you think.” Neil said smiling, Todd looked up to see his face. Todd was surprised when Neil’s face held no mockery and for the first time in his life Todd Anderson felt seen.

#dead poet society #dps fanfiction #dps fic #dead poets society fanfic #todd anderson #todd anderson fanfic #neil perry #Neil Perry Fanfic #anderperry #anderperry fanfic #steven meeks #charlie dalton #gerard pitts #knox overstreet #richard cameron #john keating

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boredfanwrites · 3 years

Text

Love, Simon Harringrove AU

I'm sorry (not really) this is probably a bit long but I've already started writing this fic and these are just outline bullet points.

Anyway, what I mean is after a short reprieve following the submission of my assignment: I'm back and please take this poor persons Harringrove AU.

First - Billy isn't as big of an asshole (my AU so I say so).

Second - modern day, pretty much exactly the same setting as Love, Simon.

Third - Neither of them have their cars, this is important later.

Fourth - I have complete control over characters so if I say Barb lives, Barb lives.

Moving on.

Steve is Simon, Billy is Brahm but also not really.

Steve is the one to kick things off, he places an ad in their school paper, not blog because he knows fewer people read the papers and the kind of people Steve wants to meet are the kind that pick up the papers.

He intends to communicate through the ads but the editor adds the email address he'd created to send in the submission.

Hi, lets get things straight: I'm not. I'm gay. I'm not expecting advice or a congrats or whatever. Hell you don't even need to publish it. I just, I needed to get it off my chest somewhere. I've spent my whole life either not knowing, or hiding when I realised. I don't know why I'm even doing this. I don't wanna be alone anymore, I think that's it. I can't be alone. I'm gay, that's normal, I'm fine the way I am. I'm sick of hiding, but I don't think I'm ready to truly come out.

In comes Billy, reading Steve's little piece, obviously not knowing its Steve. And against his better judgement Billy finds himself writing a reply.

I'm like you. Gay that is. I've known since I was thirteen and I kissed a boy in the bathroom of a dingy movie theatre. I've been hiding ever since. I've always been scared of what it meant. But maybe I'm not so alone. If you want a friend in this, I can be one.

It's the first time Billy's admitted it out loud, even if it is only on an electronic document. It's his first admission that he's not the son his father wants him to be so desperately.

Max is still his step-sister, but he gets along with her far better in the AU. She's still a little shit of a sister but she knows when to back off and Billy knows to not take his anger out on her. It's not her fault.

They don't have a good sibling relationship in the slightest but they're doing ok.

Steve still drives around the nerd herd. Still babysits Dustin - though it's less babysitting more making sure he doesn't accidentally kill himself.

Steve reads through the reply, the only reply he'd gotten and he's thankful. He wanted a friend so badly. He had Robin, of course, they were both gay but it was kinda difficult to give each other advice, dating or general LGBTQ+, when they didn't like the same gender. Steve could give a few tips but his track record left nothing to be desired. And Robin barely interacted with boys.

Steve has Jonathon and Nancy, but they don't know so it's not the same. Not really. Besides they're usually too coupley to give a shit about his poor sad single life half the time.

Billy and Steve are hesitant friends, they're both friends with Jonathon so are civil to each other, they're around each other a lot but they're not friends.

So Steve writes something back, and so does Billy. They ask the stereotypical icebreaker questions: favourite foods, colours, places etc. But they both want to dig a little deeper.

After a few emails, Steve suggests fake names to sign off with, a way to get closer.

Billy agrees but only if they can be named after their absolute dream cars - Billy is stuck driving Neil's beaten down pile of crap and needs to remind himself what he's working towards.

So they become Beemer and Camaro and boy does Billy have a field day with Beemer.

Regardless, having names to address each other by leads them to open up more. The person on the other side of the screen becoming more real.

Steve talks about how he's not doing so good academically but he wants to be, he's trying but it's never enough. How nothing is ever good enough for his parents but they're never around to see him either.

He mentions that there's this kid he looks after and how he's basically the little brother he never had and how much his mom wants to adopt him. Steve admits if it wasn't for appearances he's sure his parents would jump at the chance.

Billy admits that as much as he can get along with his stepsister she can be such a little shit. He's supposed to look after her but 'she's 13 for god's sake, she has her own mobile phone, and I can't do anything' and how his dad will beat on him if she's not home by a certain time.

It frustrates Billy to no end because even she's home by curfew she'll offhandedly mention something else that Billy did that his dad didn't like him doing. His dad finds a lot of reasons to punch Billy black and blue.

Steve finally gets given his own walkie and he feels honoured. He uses it to communicate with everyone, but Dustin informed him there's a special channel just for Steve that is one on one if the others ever need him and only him. Steve teared up a little bit.

Billy's been happier than ever talking to Beemer and Neil notices, starts finding even smaller reasons: not placing his plate in the dishwasher, not picking up after Max, not helping Susan unpack the groceries (he wasn't even home, how was he supposed to know?).

Max isn't an idiot. And one night she hears a resounding thud and Neil storming off and the shattering of glass. An engine rumbles and roars down the street. Max races into Billy's room, only to find the boy unconscious on the floor. She screams for her mom but Susan pretends not to hear, so she does the only other thing she can think of.

Steve has been having worse bouts of insomnia so he's awake, trying to be productive when his walkie goes off. Imagine his shock and horror when Max’s voice heaves out between sobs that Billy isn’t waking up. So of course he grabs his keys and goes running.

Billy wakes up to Max’s heavy breathing and an unfamiliar pressure just below his left eye. He struggles to open them but then hears a familiar voice telling him to ‘relax, don’t force it. You’re gonna have a great shiner in the morning but other than that you’ll be ok.’ And Billy knows that voice, that’s Harrington. Why is Harrington in his house?

An hour later, both eyes open and a few scratches patched up, Billy and Steve sit on the end of his bed, Max on the floor in front of them. None of them say anything, but Steve holds out a pinky to Billy and Billy takes it.

A few days after Steve takes a moment to think. Camaro said his dad beats on him. Unless Billy got in a fight earlier and it was a delayed reaction it could only be his dad.

So Steve tests the waters, admittedly his most stupid mistake.

I was trying to be productive a few nights ago. You know how my insomnia is getting. Anyway one of the friends of the kid I babysit called me and said her brother wasn’t waking up. I go over there, patch him up and then we don’t really say anything else. I’m glad my first aid training came in to play, lord knows I’ve patched the kids up too many times. But it was the weirdest experience of my life, honestly.

Camaro drops off the face of the earth. So does Billy. The only reason Steve knows he’s alive is because both Jonathon and Tommy text him updates from time to time. Tommy doesn’t go into detail, doesn’t really give a shit, just a thumbs up whenever he sees Billy.

But Jonathon. Steve is very thankful for Jonathon’s friendship. He tells Steve whenever there’s a new mark on him, how Hopper picked him up and Joyce had bailed him out. How Will was getting along with Billy so well since he’d camped out on their couch a few weeks ago.

It’s been so long. Months. And Steve is so lonely. Even before Camaro, he didn’t realise how much he and Billy actually interacted, how much time they’d spent together. It was back to just Steve and Robin. Which wasn’t bad, but wasn’t the same. Steve had given up hope.

Look. I know we know who each other is now. I know that’s not good English, I’ve had a couple beers so forgive me, King Steve. I like talking to you, I really do. But I meant it when I said I was scared. I can’t do this. Just give me a week or two, I’ll be back in school and we can go back to how it was. I’m sorry.

Steve doesn’t think it can go back to how it was.

Billy doesn’t want to go back to how it was. He doesn’t want to lose Steve now that he has him. But his body felt like it was falling apart most days. The only reprieve was the few nights every couple weeks he spent on the Byers’ couch. Even if he did get a worse beating after.

Steve tries to make life easier on Billy in the ways that he can. Brings Max back at least fifteen minutes before curfew, he offers to help Susan here and there when he sees her, offers to babysit Max if he’s looking after the rest of the nerd herd.

Neil likes him, Steve hates Neil. But he never sees Billy.

It comes to a head one day. Steve has to pick up Dustin when he hears arguing. Heading out to the back he sees Max stomping about, yelling at Billy and god, Billy just looks tired. So Steve heads over, places himself between the two and tells Max to wait with Dustin in the car.

He turns to Billy, sees his glassy eyes, and sees how much weight Billy has lost. And did all of this stem from him and Billy not talking or was there more.

Billy takes one look at Steve and breaks. He babbles nonsense about how he would never hurt Max, would never lay a finger on her. Steve shushes him, carefully placing his hands on Billy’s shoulders. Billy doesn’t notice.

Steve wonders where it came from, what was going through Billy’s head. He pulled him closer until Billy’s hands fisted in his shirt, a patch on Steve’s chest dampening.

I really fucking like you. You’re so good. And I’m scared, I’m so scared.

Billy. I really fucking like you too. It’s ok that you’re scared. I get it. I just want us to try. It doesn’t have to be now. It’s only ever gonna be when you’re ready but I’m going to be here.

Billy has only ever wanted someone who tried. Someone who was going to stick around for him. There Steve was, making promises. Being way too good for Billy.

Steve doesn’t let him go.

There’s gonna be a few scenes in the fic that weren’t mentioned, mostly because I will be writing this fic at some point and I want a few mysteries and extra stuff. Likewise for the emails, they’re all gonna be included.

Also, currently I’m not sure I like the ending, I was planning on doing a few fluffy, epilogue one-shots once the fic is done but I don’t know whether to keep the ending I’ve got or whether to stick more closely to the Love, Simon (Steve trying to do something big and public etc.). But for now, take what I have and be on the lookout for either the first instalment or just one long-ass fic in the near future.

#harringrove #steve harrington #billy hargrove #stranger things #steve stranger things #billy stranger things #billy x steve #max stranger things #love simon au #harringrove au #harringrove fic #stranger things fic #harringrove au headcanons #harringrove love simon au #harringrove au fic

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skylarmoon71 · 4 years

Text

Donatello x Reader- Fanfiction Oneshot. (TMNT 2014-2016)

"Guys look what I invented!" Raph sighed when he saw you walking on the ceiling with your newest invention.

"She's at it again." he spoke, drawing in the attention of his other brothers. Donatello's eyes widened in amazement. "No way, you made gravity defying boots. "

You grinned from your upside down position, showing him a thumbs up. The beeping on your shoes made your smile drop. "Uh oh." the light changed from blue to red and you were now falling head first.

"AHHHH!!!"

Donatello rushed over, doing a flip and catching you mid air. His feet landed on the ground with a harsh thud, and you released a breath, holding unto him. "A-Are you alright!" he was surveying your body. All in all you seemed fine. You stared at him, admiring the beauty of his green eyes.

"I-I'm okay." your reply was said a bit shakily. Whether from the fall, or your slowly increasing heart beat, you couldn't tell. Donatello placed you on your feet, and Leonardo walked over, already preparing a speech. You knew that look on his face, he was about to scold you for your recklessness.

"(Y/N), you need to be careful. You could have gotten really hurt. What if we hadn't come in." You knew he was just concerned. Your head lowered. "I'm sorry Leo, I'll be careful next time." He raised his hand, patting you on the head softly. "It is pretty cool though." you looked up with a wide smile, fist pumping. Michelangelo was at your side in seconds, ready with an onslaught of questions. One of which probably included if he could borrow your boots.

Meeting the turtles was the best thing that happened to you. It was a real eye opener, that was for sure. You were an inventor at heart, testing out one of your creations. At the time you were just studying constellations and solar patterns. One night your panels picked up something strange. Whatever it was had a major energy source because it shorted your computer, as well as Donatello's equipment.

They'd been out on patrol while you were on the roof. And just ended up running into you. If your stuff hadn't overloaded Donnie's, they probably wouldn't have stopped to investigate. That was the first time you'd ever seen something so incredible. Of course when you saw them you fainted, from what you heard April had a similar reaction. But after that, when you came to, your curiosity got the better of you.

The fact that four huge mutant turtles were standing right in front of you seemed like the last thing you cared about. You just started asking questions. Like a scientist, you were inquisitive by nature. It wasn't long after that, you became quick friends with the turtles.

You and Donatello were especially close. He was just like you, always building and altering gear and technology, utilizing it to its maximum capacity. You were always helping him upgrade his inventions, and he'd give you ideas to create others to help the turtles protect the city.

Being able to explore your interest with someone who loved technology just as much as you did was all you could really ask for. So whenever you weren't working, you were down in the lair, testing out your machinery. Your boots were something you'd been working on for weeks. Unfortunately it still needed a bit of tweaking, because the battery didn't retain as much power as you hoped.

"As soon as I get it up to speed I'll lend it to you Mikey." That was all he needed to hear.

"Boyah!! I got first dibs guys!" he was already running off cheering. You pulled the boots off, studying it. "I may have to alter the size as well."

"So how was patrol?" You asked surveying your equipment.

"Nothing we couldn't handle." Raph said boastful, biting down on the toothpick at the corner of his mouth.

"I'm sure. Well while you guys were gone I ordered pizza." That was all you needed to say because pretty soon they were all headed to the other room to devour their favorite food. You laughed at how quickly the room cleared. Splinter walked out, his tail swishing slowly behind him.

"(Y/N), it's always nice to have you with us. However I'd advised against indulging my sons in that unhealthy food." He probably regretted ever introducing them to it, because it seemed like that was all they ever ate.

"Even if I didn't you know they'll still get their hands on some." he sighed.

"I suppose you're right." He looked at you like there was something else he needed to say.

"Is there something wrong?" He shook his head, a smile gracing his lips.

"I'm just very grateful for you." the statement caught you by surprise.

"T-Thank you Master Splinter." It really did mean a lot to you that he thought so.

"I should be the one thanking you. Not many people are willing to accept my sons. They are extraordinary, but society has a very focused view on what is right and wrong. This world could use more people like you and Ms. O' Neil." you could understand where he was coming from.

"I know what you mean. Growing up I dealt with my fair share of ridicule. I guess to the other kids I was always just weird. " At a young age you'd seen things different. While kids were playing on slides and swings, you were solving mind puzzles and complex math sums. Technology was easier for you to figure out that people.

You glanced at the turtles eating happily from the other room talking among themselves. Your gaze lingered on the purple clad one maybe a little longer than necessary. When you realized you turned back to Splinter, who was wearing a suspicious smile.

"I'll leave you to it then." and with that he was walking away, hands behind his back.

"Hmmm?"

Sometimes you wished you could read his mind.

"Hey (Y/N), come and get a slice before they devour all." Donatello's words made you run over.

"Save some for me!" You spent a while wrestling to get a slice. Dropping down next to Donatello. her persisted to tell you some of the upgrades he was thinking of making in the lair. His computer set up was pretty impressive already, but just because something worked didn't mean it couldn't be further modified. Donnie was always thinking ahead.

"Just imagine if we made four of those boots of yours!" he sounded excited, letting out a laugh and a cute little snort. You paused for a second, and he pushed up his glasses, a little embarrassed at the sound that left him. You watched him with glowing red cheeks.

"OH MY GOODNESS WHY IS HE SO CUTE!!!"

If you hadn't already swallowed your pizza you would have probably choked on it. Who knew the nerdy little turtle would have such an effect on you.

~~~~

Mikey was patting his stomach, clearly content. You smiled, gathering the empty boxes of pizza to carry to the trash. Donatello caught you struggling with about seven boxes, still trying to stack more. "Let me help you." you nodded, and he took a couple from your hand, following you out the room. You walked with him, a comfortable silence gathering.

"What were you and Sensei talking about earlier, it looked pretty serious." His question caused you to slow down a little.

"Umm, not much. He was just saying he's glad I'm around. He also said I should stop buying so much pizza for you guys." you gestured to the boxes in your hand, causing a shy smile to rise on Donnie's face.

Upon reaching the trash area, you dumped the boxes in the bin. Donnie did the same.

"Well I am glad you're here." you looked over at Donnie, who suddenly seemed a bit flustered.

"I-I mean we're all glad you're here." he corrected, fidgeting. You watched him fiddle, your heart giving a slow flutter. Donnie really was the cutest. Maybe it was the glasses, but every time he looked at you, your chest would constrict in the most pleasant way. Hearing him say he enjoyed having you around was another plus. It did give you slight hope. Maybe he reciprocated your feelings. "I'm glad too." you replied, skipping back to the lair. Donnie's eyes followed as you moved through the sewer, a content feeling settling in his chest.

~~~

"Hey Raph, Leo." you waved at both brothers entering. Raph looked up from tying the bandages around his hand, greeting you. "Hey what's up."

"Not much, I just needed to borrow some material for a something I'm thinking about. Where is Donnie?" At the mention of his name, Raph moved closer, dropping a hand on your shoulder as he leaned in. "You know, you always run to Donnie's room whenever you get here. I'm starting to wonder if ya have a little thing for him." you sputtered, backpedaling.

"W-What No! That's No!" you shouted. Your yells earned a look from Leo, who was now very curious.

"If you're looking for Donnie he's in the training room with Mikey." Leo said almost on instinct. Did he know as well that you always gravitated to Donnie. How could you be so obvious? And here you thought you were covering your little crush well. You frowned at the smug look Raph sent you, putting his toothpick back in his mouth as you basically sprinted out the room, cheeks quickly turning red.

"Stupid Raph."

If he figured it out, maybe Donnie did too. What if he knew the entire time and just didn't say anything.

"That's crazy, stop it stupid brain!" you tried to rid the thoughts. You did like Donnie, but if he found out and things got awkward, you wouldn't be able to deal with that.

When you got to the training room, you froze at the door, just staring. Mikey and Donnie were sparring. You stood watching every move, flip, punch that Donnie delivered. Sometimes you forgot that he wasn't just smart, but also a very skilled fighter. The way he attacked so efficiently, carefully calculating every hit, retaliating with his bo staff. Your heart was definitely pounding now.

"He's incredible."

You weren't sure how long they had been going at it, but after a few more minutes they stopped. Donnie had successfully knocked Mikey off his feet. "I win." Donnie said with a cute little grin.

He held out his hand, and Mikey took it, standing to his feet. They high fived and that's when their focus was drawn to you.

"(Y/N)?" Donnie called in question. You were still standing there gawking. You blinked a couple times, then cleared your throat.

"N-Nice moves." you commended. Mikey puffed out his chest. "Well you know, what can I say, gotta impress the ladies. " At this point he was flexing every muscle on his body, yet all you could see was the thin layer of sweat Donnie was wiping off his forehead. The action made his biceps bulge. A short breath left you. You licked your lips, enjoying the sight of his very muscular body. You swallowed, hoping you weren't being too obvious. Because right now you couldn't help it. Someone so adorably hot shouldn't be allowed to live on the planet.

"This should be a crime."

Somehow Donnie had moved without you realizing, because he was directly in front of you, adjusting his glasses to check your vitals. "(Y/N) do you have a fever!" He sounded worried.

"Your heart rate is elevated as well as your temperature. Not to mention how red your cheeks are. You need to lie down. " he didn't give you a chance to argue, picking you up and carrying you to his room.

When he stepped in he laid you on the bed gently, before turning and searching around his room for medicine. He picked up a packet of tablets, as well as a bottle of water, dropping it on the desk, moving back to get a piece of cloth. When he got back to you he was unscrewing the cork of the bottle to wet the cloth.

"Just lay down and I'll-" because he'd been bouncing around so quickly you weren't able to stop him. Now that he was sitting right next to you, you took his hand, halting his actions.

"Donnie, I'm fine. I don't have a fever." His head tilted to the side. He pulled back down the goggles to scan you again. When he raised it, he looked confused. "I-It's back to normal. But you were just really warm. How did it go down so quickly. " he put down the bottle, still sitting on the ground before you. He reached over, placing his hand to your neck. He really was a sweetheart.

"The reason I was so warm wasn't because I have a fever."

"Then why?" he asked.

"It's..because of you Donnie.." you breathed.

"Because of me?" As smart as he was, he probably wouldn't figure out what you were trying to say. Your legs dangled off the edge of the bed. With you sitting upright, and Donnie on the floor, you were right about his height from your position.

Throwing caution to the wind, you leaned forward, hands smoothening over his shoulders. Donnie just sat there, clearly alarmed at how close you were getting. You closed the space between you, eyes shut tightly as you pressed your lips to his. You didn't stay connected long. After a few seconds you pulled back to gauge his reaction. Truth is you weren't sure what type of reaction he would have, but you were tired of hiding how you felt.

"I love you Donatello."

"I said it!"

Donnie was still silent, you sort of expected as much. He just stared at you. When he finally did speak, it came out hesitantly. "Y-You...love me..?" you nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. "I do." you confessed. He was quiet again, and you wished you could read what his eyes were telling you, because it was lost on you.

Despite that, you reached up slowly, taking off his glasses so you could get a better look at his gorgeous eyes. You placed them on the bed next to you, moving over to sit right between his legs. Now that you had a clearer view of Donnie's eyes, you noticed that they were dilated. That fact just made your heart pick up. You leaned in again, wrapping your hand around his shoulders this time as you kissed him.

This kiss was slower, passionate. You were conveying everything he made you feel since you'd met him. Every time he made your heart beat spike, pulse quicken, breath hitch.

All your emotions combined in one, just for him. When his muscled arms moved around your body, you swooned. You could tell he was cautious, because with his strength he could easily hurt you. Donnie held you softly, earning an appreciative sound from your throat. He finally started to respond, eyes closing, pulling you as close as you could get. Pretty soon you were gripping at his body, kisses hot and heavy.

All your pent up energy was coming out. You were shocked you were able to go so long without oxygen. The way you were kissing him made him lightheaded. It was if he were the air you needed to breathe. Your tongue darted out, hands moving to the back of his head to keep him right where you wanted him.

You were moaning softly, brows furrowing as you tasted him. So sweet, just like his adorable personality. Your hands ventured over his plastron, and this time Donnie moaned. The sound caused your stomach to coil in anticipation. When you finally pulled away, you were gasping in mouthfuls of air. Donnie did the same, chest heaving in equal pace to yours. As you tried to catch your breath, your eyes stayed trained on his soft lips. Partially wet with saliva from your most recent session.

"I...had no idea that you.." his sentence was incomplete, due to his panting, but you could put the words together. He obviously wasn't aware of your feelings. This entire time he'd been pining after you, and you'd felt the same way. Donnie scolded himself for not saying something earlier. All along he could have been kissing your deliciously plump lips.

"I'm sorry it took so long." you spoke. Now that your breathing returned to normal. You could think a bit clearer. He shook his head.

"It's okay.I-I just thought that because I'm a mutant and you're..you're.." he didn't finish the sentence, eyes moving to the floor.

"I never saw the need to try.." he lamented. His broken tone really made you want to cry. Of course he was insecure. He was a mutant turtle. You guessed he just expected everyone to judge him for what he was. You reached over, lifting his eyes to you.

"I don't care what you are Donnie. In my eyes, you're just.." you paused, looking for the right words. There were way too many to describe him. So you just settled for the first ones to pop into your head.

"Incredibly hot." you whispered. He gulped, obviously noticing the growing need in your eyes. You leaned in, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Intelligent." you pressed another kiss, this time a bit lower.

"Caring," a kiss to his neck. "Sexy." you were trailing kisses down his neck, and Donnie was having a very difficult time keeping his heart rate under control. Your head lifted, and this time you kissed him firmly on the lips. "Mine." you thought.

You stayed there, safe in his arms, exchanging long overdue kisses. People in this society would probably never accept what he was, but you'd love him, no matter what. And at the moment, that's all he could really care about.

#donatello #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016 #leonardo #raphael #michelangelo #newyork #reader insert #techreader #donniexreader #cuteness #love #nerds #mutants #ninjaturtles #teenage #kiss

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kazoo5480 · 3 years

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Killian’s heart nearly stopped in his chest while he processes what Emma has just said and his hand naturally moves to her stomach. “Love, do you feel differently? I know you have experienced this once before, but have you felt any different?” Emma shakes her head no. “My skins a little sensitive, but it is only a few days behind, with the stress of everything... Neil, Belle, the wedding, I haven’t felt anything that would make me feel that I was. I mean there was the queasiness and vomiting but that was just nerves, it has just been a lot.”

He nods, and just looks down at her, locking on her eyes, and stroked her cheek “Angel, whatever comes will come. If you are that would be a wonderful gift, and if not, then try and try again, right? We are a team in this, in everything we do from now, so I won’t get my hopes up and you won’t either, aye?” and she nods placing a chaste kiss to his lips. She wraps her left arm over his chest to his neck and he just holds her tight, kissing the top of her head. “Sleep angel, we will sort it out in the next few days” and she nods again and closes her eyes and sends a little flare of hope out into the universe that she is, but she still isn’t entirely convinced that she is. She soaks in Killian’s body heat and his tight embrace, knowing even if she isn’t, that he will love her either way and that helps her anxiety relax enough to slip into sleep.

Killian however is laying wide awake now, Emma slumbering on his chest, her soft breaths blowing over his skin. He keeps her wrapped in a tight embrace, while he thinks it over. His hand is possessively over her stomach, it wasn’t intentional, his body just did it. There certainly would be a hundred percent chance she could be with child, it isn’t like they had been careful at all, but with the additional emotional stress they have endured the last two weeks certainly could cause her cycle to be off. It was extremely stressful, and he knew that Emma’s periods in New York were off on occasion by a few days when she wasn’t eating enough or working too much.

He wasn’t going to hope, by god he wasn’t going to put actual feeling into this until a doctor confirmed it. His heart might break, or he may hurt Emma if he reacted like she were, and it turned out they weren’t expecting. He would maintain normalcy in their lives, keep her distracted, make her happy, and she would make an appointment for after their friends departed, and they would find out for sure. His thoughts resolved, and he thought perhaps it might be a good day to take their friends out on the water, it was supposed to be good weather, and this would serve as a perfect distraction. Pleased with the idea, he closed his eyes, letting Emma’s heartbeat against his skin lull him to sleep.

When he woke, Emma was still in his arms asleep. He breathed her in, her hair smelling like vanilla and he was careful not to rouse her yet. A glance at the clock showed it was only 7, she began to stir, and he felt her eyelashes blink, lightly tickling his skin. She glanced up at him and smiled “morning” and he leaned down to kiss her. “How long have you been awake?” she asked, her green eyes still glassy with sleep. “Just a moment” he said quietly and stroked her cheek and lightly kissing her forehead. He could practically feel Emma thinking.

“What’s vexing you angel?” and she shook her head “nothing, really.” He cocked an eyebrow at her, and she smiled at him, “I am fine, really.” He tsked her, “no lying love, or you’ll be punished” he said teasingly, and she smirked. “Killian!” and he rolled over her, spreading her thighs apart with his own to cradle himself against her. He ran his warm hand up her leg skirting the edge of her panties. Emma sighed, and Killian pushed her nightgown higher, bunching it at her hips gently. He lowered himself trailing soft open-mouthed kisses over her belly, and she shuddered at the sensation of him softly slipping his finger further under the fabric, lightly over her folds.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asked, and she shook her head. “Never” she said back, and he slipped the panties down and off of her. “I want you just like this angel” and he leaned forward, lapping at her. She braced herself on one arm and sunk the other hand into his hair. Killian moaned as he licked at her and she cried out, the vibration so intense, her skin so sensitive. He used his thumbs to spread her folds open wider and continued licking and sucking at her. He plunged his tongue deep inside her, and he felt a gush of warm arousal rush over his tongue, swallowing it down.

He caressed her nub softly while he buried his face into the most delicious place in the world. Emma’s legs were shaking lightly, her soft sighs and small cries music to his ears. He tucked one finger inside her first, softly, and pulled back, slipping a second inside her. He scissored his fingers gently, Emma growing restless. He looked up at his love, her hair fanning out behind her, her face flushed with pleasure and he lifted himself over her as Emma tried to scoot closer, to bring him inside her. “Please” she begged softly running her fingers over his cheekbones and down to his neck, and he began rubbing the tip of his cock through her wet folds.

He sighed as he sank into her warmth, her walls enveloping him tightly, and he leaned down to kiss her. Slipping his tongue in her mouth he rocked into her gently, pushing her higher and higher up the bed with each thrust their bed creaking with their movements. Emma wrapped her legs around his back, and pulled him deeper, holding on to him tightly. She loved when he was gentle like this, making love with her, this live tangible entity that lived and breathed between them. He buried his face in her neck, placing open mouth kisses to her shoulder and neck. His big cock rubbed over a particularly sensitive spot and she cried out, Killian slowed his pace, gently sliding over the spot deep inside of her.

Emma reached up and began rubbing her breasts, trailing her fingers over her sensitive nipples, moaning as she realized how sensitive her skin felt. Killian loved watching her, he continued pushing them higher until she gasped, and his name fell from her pink swollen lips, and he bit down lightly on her neck as she squeezed his cock like a vice. He cried out her name, and spilled deep inside her, her walls fluttering and clenching around him.

He laid his head on her breasts, his heart beating so hard, and Emma’s soft hands running up and down his back. It was in these moments, that he realized Emma truly loved him, despite any dark deeds, or crimes he committed, she loved him. He would do anything to keep this happy, sated look upon her face, the rose flush in her cheeks, and the wide smile on her face.

He finally found the resolve to move, and he leaned back, slipping wetly out of her, small dribbles of his cum leaking out onto the sheets. He leaned in and lapped at her, licking her clean, and Emma moaned softly, and caressed the side of his face. He stood and grabbed a warm wet cloth and cleaned her up properly, wiping the sheet off as well. Emma was leaning perched on her elbow, a dreamy look on her face, a soft smile directed at him.

He wiped himself off and sat beside her, “fancy taking the boat out? Properly christening her and all that?” and she nodded. “I think that’s a wonderful idea, but let’s ask M and Dave, I am not sure seasickness will go well with her morning sickness” and he nodded. “Go clean up and I will call over to granny’s, if not the boat today, perhaps we can have another picnic on the beach” and she nodded. She rolled from their bed and he watched her start the shower and standing in profile. He noted while she had gained some weight back in the last few weeks, there was an undeniable teeny tiny curve over her lower belly.

His heart exploded, but he kept his observation to himself. It could be a number of things, Emma tended to swell and feel bloated in the past, and without a blood test there was no way of being sure. She noticed him smiling at her, “What?” and he just shook his head. “You’re beautiful is all” and he slid his robe on walking to the phone to call Dave, he needed to keep it together. Dialing Marco first, he asked if it would be alright to come by and get the boat for her maiden voyage, and Marco was delighted she would be taken out on the water. He said that if their friends were agreeable, that Marco and August were welcome to join them, but Marco said another time, he had a wardrobe to finish.

Dave came to the phone, and he said It would be a wonderful idea, but that M was moving a little slower than them. Killian headed to shower and Emma was dressing, he relayed the plan right before he hopped in, and Emma called ahead to the market for a delivery for a picnic lunch. She grabbed a bag packing towels and swimsuits, a book, and she found some old glass bottles with rubber stoppers, pouring them full of water and lemonade. Killian came out a few minutes later dressed and said he and Dave would go get the boat, and then pick M up on the way back. Emma said she would walk to the docks and see them shortly; the boat launch just down their little road. Killian nodded, and kissed her gently, “Love you” and she nodded. “I love you too.”

Killian’s stomach was twisted the whole way over to Granny’s, he put his mask on so Dave and M wouldn’t pick up on his anguish, and they made it to Marcos where his friend had the workshop doors thrown wide open. August helped secure it to Killian’s car, and declined the invite to help Marco finish the wardrobe, and Killian promised them an excursion upon completion which they happily accepted. Killian pulled up to the launch and reversed in, Dave guiding him from outside the car.

Emma walked up, arms full with a basket and a large tote bag on her arm, and Killian threw the car in park running to her. “Swan you cannot carry all that extra weight love” and he didn’t realize that it came out the way it did before her eyes widened. “Killian I am fine” she said but he saw the flash of fury in her eyes. He took the basket setting it on the dock and M was already walking to Emma taking the bag from her. He knew he would get an earful later, so he focused on the boat.

Once she was lowered in, Killian double checked the life jackets, and the gas level, tested the engine out, everything working perfectly, and he smiled wide. He moved her closer to the mooring post and tied off so that he could help the three others down onto the sailboat with all their items. Emma went last, and sighed, “just don’t, ok?” she said and he nodded and smiled, He called for their attention by bringing out a bottle of champagne and said “while its customary to break this upon your vessel, I have no intentions of marring my swan that way, so instead a toast, a small one for M and three for us as we celebrate a lot of love and labor that I poured into her to make her whole again” and Emma did not miss the meaning of his toast whatsoever. She held her tears back, and smiled nodding in understanding. Killian popped the cork and they each held out glasses, M taking a small sip and they all cheered as he untied them and began to back them out into the harbor.

Emma ran her hands over the wood, she was beautiful, and the work flawless. It both touched and broke her heart, that she was the driving force behind the love he devoted to this boat. She let her anger go with the breeze blowing past them, and all her thoughts of anything besides spending time with the people she loved most right there. Killian had offered them all seasickness tablets, and M and Emma both took one, M’s smile contagious as the wind whipped her long locks around and basking in the sunshine.

Killian didn’t take them too far out in case M got sick, or Emma, but he didn’t say that aloud. There was a steady breeze, and he could sail this boat alone, so he didn’t need help getting her sails up and open. Emma stood at the wheel, and followed his directions, until he came to stand behind her guiding her hands on the wheel. Her giggles were echoing on the wind, her smile radiant, she was absolutely marvelous. His boat, a dream, the two of them together, another piece of his cracked heart clicked back into place and he laughed, smiling and kissed the side of Emma’s neck.

They found a calm spot and Emma unpacked the picnic basket. There were sandwiches, and crisps, lemonade, and cookies. They all ate until they were stuffed, and the girls went below in the small cabin to change into swimsuits. The sun was high now, and Killian stripped off his shirt, fine in his khaki shorts, and Dave threw on a pair of his own shorts from their bag. They all sat smiling and talked about the potential move, and just about old times, the good times. Emma felt so overwhelmed and surrounded by love, it made her realize just how isolated she made herself. She swore to never allow it again, and instinctively put a hand over her belly. Killian noticed it out of the corner of his eye but said nothing. He allowed her that private moment, and no one else noticed.

Emma and Dave jumped in the cold ocean, splashing around, as M lounged reading a book. It was a lovely afternoon, and when the sky began to turn pink, he told them it was time to go, and they all groaned. “Soon enough guys, any time you want during the season, I will even teach Dave here how to sail, and the little lad or lass when they arrive” he directed at M. She beamed at him, “I hope it works out” she said excitedly, and he nodded, they all did. Dave helped him get the boat tied up while he helped the ladies out, and Killian went below deck to make sure nothing was left behind and something caught his eye. A black bag, curious he opened it, and saw money, a lot of it. An envelope with Belle’s name on it, and recalled Robert telling him he left it there for her. He grabbed it wrapping a towel over it and carried it off, no one noticing, except Emma. She looked at him and he shook his head once to her.

Emma asked if they needed to do anything else and he instructed her to take Dave and M back to the cottage to change and then come back for him as he wrapped the sails up and closed her up. She nodded, and the three headed off towards home. Emma changed as well, into her slim black pants, and a soft sweater, telling them she wouldn’t be long. Killian was waiting on the bench when she got back, “what is it?” she asked. “Robert left Belle a parting gift, I will speak with her once Dave and M are back in the city.” “What was the gift?” Killian sighed, “about a hundred grand in cash, maybe more, I stopped counting…” and Emma’s eyes widened “Oh god, Belle…”

He stood and circled her waist, “Belle will be fine. We just aren’t talking any more about it today, ok?” and she nodded kissing him. “I’m sorry for earlier” she whispered, “I wasn’t thinking, and I got mad…” and he kissed her again. “I shouldn’t have said it angel, it just flew out and before I knew it, I had said it” and she nodded. “No more talk of that for now, ok?” and he nodded, leading her to the car, the bag between them on the seat. “Where will we hide it? She asked looking out the window, “the bank” he said, and she said nothing back.

When they got home, Killian headed to their room to change, and stow away the bag. Emma pulled out some ice cream and made coffee, and they wrapped up their last evening with chit chat and told them a bit more about the town. Killian being the longest resident, seemed to know quite a bit of its history and he gave them all the information they asked for. Nine o’clock rolled around, and they all drove back to Granny’s. “A taxi will be here in the morning to take you to the station” Killian said, and Dave smiled. “You spoil us Jones” and he laughed nodding. Hugging each other they all said their goodbyes, and M wanting a phone call every day from them, which they agreed on every other, and they would see them soon for the wedding. Emma drove them home, quiet as she drove, and Killian put on the radio letting a jazz tune croon out of the speakers.

Emma parked and Killian let them in the house, he opened the windows letting the breeze flow through, and made his way back to the bedroom. “I’m going to take a bath” Emma said, and he nodded. She closed the door behind her, and he tidied up the remainder of their dessert, and climbed into bed reading a book. Emma sat in front of the mirror while the tub ran, lifting to the balls of her feet inspecting her stomach. She saw it, the teeniest tiniest curve, but felt nothing, it could be bloating, it could be a number of things Emma she thought. Shaking herself out of it, she would call the doctor in the morning for an appointment and tried to distract herself with other thoughts. What would she do now that she lived here? She should consider what Regina said, a school for music and dance, she was trained in both, and they didn’t have one. It would be nice to be in charge of her own business, and she knew Killian knew everyone that could probably help her. She would talk about it with him tomorrow. Finishing her bath, she dried off, and pulled on her nightgown, brushing her teeth, and putting her lotion on before bed.

She felt nervous, what if she was pregnant? They wanted this, they took no measure to prevent it, and she knew that in a few weeks this permanent hold they felt wasn’t going anywhere ever again. She wished so hard for it to be true as she placed her hand over her belly, and just sent a little hope out there asking anyone listening to grant that wish of hers. She wanted to be a mom, to have a child with Killian, and raise it in this sleepy town near the sea. She wanted to give it love, and holidays, and memories, and traditions, things both her and Killian never had. She wanted it so bad that she didn’t realize the tears leaking down her cheeks until she glanced in the mirror. She used a tissue and cleaned her face up and quietly blew her nose. Unless he looked really closely Killian shouldn’t notice her cheeks or her lightly red rimmed eyes.

Grateful that the lighting was low, she came out into their bedroom and saw him asleep with a book on his chest, leaning over him she shut the light off and took the book from his hands. She laid on her side facing the window, letting the moonlight and the breeze waft over her as she tried to fall asleep.

@captainswanouat @captainswoon @captain-swan-coffee @ao3feed-cs @kmomof4 @onceuponadaily @itsfabianadocarmo @lieutenantswan @kymbersmith-90 @killiansprincss @mrs-emma-swan-jones @hollyethecurious

@stahlop @hookedonkillianforlife87 @holdingoutforapiratehero

@jrob64 @teamhook @purplehawkcaptain @sals86 @killiancomeback2me @killiansprincss @karlyfr13s @myfearless-love @resident-of-storybrooke

@thesschesthair @the-captains-ayebrows @jonesfandomfanatic @laschatzi @tiganasummertree @donteattheappleshook @purplehawkcaptain

#emma swan #killian jones #once upon a time

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nocompromise-noregrets · 3 years

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Lovely @writerman also tagged me in this - THANK YOU! <333333

Interview tag!

rules: answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better!

nickname: I don't really have one. I've always rather wanted one, but it's the sort of thing people give you rather than you give yourself, and nobody's ever really bothered. Although I had a colleague who used to call me Floss, and a friend a long time ago who called me Tillie, neither of which had any coherent reasoning behind them XD

pronouns: she/her. If I was 20 years younger, I'd probably be looking at they/them, but I've spent so long just assuming the female ones apply to me, I'm too tired and set in my ways (and non-self-analytical) to do the self-analysis to figure out whether they really apply.

star sign: Two fish swimming in opposite directions, which rather sums me up.

height: 5'1"

time currently: 14:56 (I should be working)

when is your birthday: 13 March (last Saturday!)

favourite bands/groups: Oh my god, how long have you got? Including, but not limited to, in no particular order: Hanoi Rocks, VNV Nation, a-ha, Placebo, Empathy Test, Poets of the Fall, Negative, Queen...

favourite solo artists: Ditto. Michael Monroe, Bruce Springsteen, Joan Jett, Marnie, Dregen

song stuck in your head: Nothing at the moment, but Song of the Lonely Mountain by Neil Finn has been lodged in there quite a bit just recently.

last movie watched: We've had a couple of fairly boring and formulaic cop/action/heist things on this week, neither of which we finished, and I can't remember what they were called, although at least one of them had Samuel L Jackson in it, but last weekend on my birthday, we put the TV on for something, realised Desolation of Smaug was on, and watched that. And then put Battle of the Five Armies on afterwards. :D

last show you binged: We've been attempting to binge White Collar but have only got as far as series 3. I need to do a rewatch of The Alienist though, for absolutely no reason at all. *whistles innocently*

when you created your blog: March 2011, I think.

last thing you googled: "elmsore house isle of wight" (I was trying to find out where a property mentioned in a 16th-century deed might be today - like I said...working. XD )

other blogs: None.

why you chose your url: It's a lyric from a Hanoi Rocks song that goes make no compromise, have no regrets and it feels to me like words to live by.

do you get asks: Very occasionally.

how many people are you following: 206

how many followers do you have: 247

average hours of sleep: I try and aim for 8-9 because I cannot function on much less for very long

lucky number: No idea.

instruments: I played the flute and recorder (descant and treble) at school and the saxophone at sixth form but I haven't touched any of them in nearly thirty years.

what I’m currently wearing: Silver-grey velour leopard-print pyjamas (the label said it's a "twosie" but I'm pretty sure we already have a word for that) because I am working from home and they're comfy. :D

dream job: Already doing it: I'm an archivist. Although to be fair I'm more or less done with it and I'm retraining to be a translator instead.

dream trip: Oh god, right now I'd settle for any travel. I'd like to see my parents in Suffolk, I want to go back to Prague, I want to go back to Helsinki and Berlin, I want to see my friends in northern Germany. And that's just for starters.

favourite food: Hard to say. I'm not really into food particularly, not enough to have a favourite although I have lots of things I like. But freshly baked bread is rather marvellous, and I do like a good roast dinner.

favourite song: Too many to name. But I maintain that Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen is one of the finest songs ever committed to vinyl, as is Another Girl, Another Planet by The Only Ones and Together In Electric Dreams by Phil Oakey and Giorgio Moroder. I also love The Bitter End by Placebo (favourite song of theirs), 78 by Michael Monroe (favourite song of his), Bad Reputation by Joan Jett (favourite song of hers), and about a million million others.

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: Middle-Earth. Myn-Dhiel from Sarah Ash's Moths to a Flame (omg someone else please read this book and come to squee/angst about Ymarys with me, he is wonderful, although his ending is a bit clichéd - in the author's defence the book was written at least 25 years ago - but honestly, expert swordsman with long silver hair and a bit of a taste for hedonism? is it any wonder I like the characters I like?). The MCU.

Thank you lovely! <33333 I tag... @angelic-kisses13, @crushing83, @theresonlyzuul, @lemurious, @potatoobsessed999 - no pressure intended but if you feel like doing it, then yay!

#tag game #about me #<33333333 #i love these things

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iamtheprotagoneil · 3 years

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when i was writing my answer for the second part of this ask from alicia, i actually came up with a fic idea but since my schedule is pretty packed for a while to come, i probably won’t be able to turn this idea into an actual fic. so to keep this from fading away into the oblivion that is my awful memory, i’mma just do what ive made this blog for, which is rambling away:

there’s this hongkong tv show i watched ages ago, but one of the subplot really stuck with me. it follows one of the main characters on his journey to his eventual greatness. in this subplot, he’s stuck in an ice cage and, every night, he’d meet a girl (circumstances are a bit icky, but let’s digress). the ice cage is so dark and freezing that, to both of them, it feels more dreamlike than reality. they even prefer to each other as ‘mộng lang’ and ‘mộng cô’ which loosely translates to ‘dream man’ and ‘dream lady’.

later on, the girl (who turns out to be a princess) hosts an event to search for a consort (although, in honesty, she’s hoping to meet her dream man again). in the event, she hides behind some thick drapes that hide her identity, and asks her suitors questions that only her dream man would be able to answer – or answer correctly, anyway. the guy only comes to the event out of obligation, rather than any actual wish to be the prince consort. however, his intention changes as his turn to go ‘meet’ the princess comes, and then the questions, and then the realization that his dream lady is just behind those drapes.

i just find it so poetic that they only meet each other through bizarre circumstances, that they don’t even know of each other’s true identity, only falling in love with each other’s voice and wits. then, after a while apart, they find each other again, through sheer coincidence, and are able to reconcile on what they’d thought was only a lost connection.

which, ahh, makes me think of an AU, of sorts, for protagoneil. perhaps, they wouldn’t meet in an ice cage, but in a prison (idk, that’s just what my mind decided on), maybe in some place where they’re held captive in rooms next to each other, a place with rules so reclusive that they never get to see each other, only a voice as proof of the other’s existence. their situation – being locked up in a room with only a small window as indication that the outside world does exist, although distant – would make their interaction with each other so surreal, as if the other is nothing more than a figment of their imagination, another sign that they’ve gone mad in this captivity.

hell, we can make this even more tragic by setting in the tenet ‘verse, post-canon. perhaps a mission went awry, and the protagonist finds himself captured by some antagonists with greedy, self-serving purposes for tenet’s inversion technology. perhaps, the protagonist thinks neil’s voice – or whoever it is that sounds so much like the neil he once met – coming through the wall is just his mind coping to the loneliness and isolation. he’s never had problems with either before, but the circumstances are different now. now he’s got a ghost living up in his head, that he’s been missing and thinking about more than he’d ever admit to another soul.

i imagine their conversations can only be held in the night, spoken so quietly – barely above a whisper – so as to not alert the guards. the secrecy drown in complete darkness truly adds another layer of surrealism to it all. they never exchange names – the protagonist bc he doesn’t want to compromise himself, and neil bc well, if the protagonist doesn’t bother to offer name then why should he?

the things they talk about are simple, although unclear on whether what is true and what is warped into something not quite a lie, but close. they talk mostly to keep themselves sane (ironic, isn’t it?), to have a little distraction from the horrid things await them when morning comes.

i imagine the protagonist would wake up one day, call for neil, but get no answer in return. he tries more times, through many nights but still, no answer. neil’s just gone, so suddenly, and the protagonist can’t decide which sense of the word is worst. eventually, after a few more days of torture, of wondering and dreading, the protagonist finds his freedom.

it’s a joined effort, from himself and the tenet team sent to rescue him. i imagine the protagonist checking the room besides, finding it vacant of any furniture and living soul. he decides there that, yeah, perhaps the time in and out of inversion, paired with the isolation and torture he was put through, has really done a number on his mental state.

then, some months later, the protagonist would meet the voice in his head once again, but this time, with confirmation that it’s been real all along.

see, neil’s been moved to another holding facility. the antagonists have wanted him to work for them; have taken interests in the research he’s been doing on a particular field of physics and decided that he would be perfect to help them in their malicious plot for greed. neil... well, i wouldn’t say they broke through him, but he did agree eventually. the torture had been too much, and he was tired – he hated having to go back to the cell they were holding him in, facing this sickening dread as he questioned his sanity.

the voice in his cell had been a great reprieve from the undue punishments on his body, but not enough to completely elevate him from the pain of it. so he “broke”. he agreed to work with the antagonists, to save himself since it was obvious that no one ever would.

and that’s how the protagonist finds him again; when he breaks down the antagonists’ second location and discovers a compliant neil seemingly working for the people that was going to put a whole lot of lives in danger for their own greedy purposes. before they can say anything to each other, though, neil’s taken out by another agent – a sleeping dart placed carefully on his neck and pushed. the protagonist never did get the agents’ identity, having lost track of them in the midst of chaos going around him.

later, when neil is put in their medical care facility, the protagonist stands outside of his room, watching him sleep through the glass window and listening to a report about his conditions. it contains everything from the moment neil went missing from his london flat (presumed dead), to the time he’s spent under the antagonists’ captivity, to the point where they found him. then, the protagonist is shown a document, including various equations and graphs and terms that mostly went through his head.

he looks to the reporting agent, expecting a better explanation. the agent points out that the equations are wrong, but so delicately that she would’ve missed it if she hadn’t thought to take another, harder look.

“even if they’d gotten with it, their plan would’ve failed. that document you’re holding in your hand ensures that.” she turns to look at neil, regarding his sleeping figure. “he might’ve given into the idea of ever getting out of their claws, but he never gave in. he never truly gave them what they’d wanted from him.”

all of that winds down to one simple fact: neil’s passed the test, and the protagonist knows what that means. the protagonist has to wait a few hours for it, though; for neil to finally wake up and have his induction into tenet. in the meantime, he sits on the couch inside neil’s room, and waits, watching neil’s eyelids flutter in sleep, and feeling sorrow/rage/frustration grip tight to his being as he thinks about things that has and will happen to neil.

when neil wakes up, the protagonist is just right there to welcome him into the afterlife. he keeps his speech short, giving neil a brief overview of his situation, but neil isn’t really listening. the protagonist’s words blur together, not because of neil’s groggy mind, but because of a single, simple realization. it hits him so hard that he just can’t keep in the lone tear falling from his eyes. the protagonist sees this, and his heart aches – remembering how it’s felt when he was the one who was lying on the bed, getting told that his entire team had failed to make it out alive – and unlike his own recruited, the protagonist tries to comfort neil with, “listen, i know it’s hard—”

but neil just cuts him off entirely, reciting a phrase he’s said before, to the man he’s thought was just a dream his tired mind made up to keep him company at the late hours of the night. it stops the protagonist right in his tracks, staring down at neil, breathing harshly through his lips because he can’t believe it. he’s thought, also, but apparently, he’s thought wrong.

“i’m glad you’re real,” neil says, as he watches the same realization he’s experienced dawn on the protagonist’s face.

the protagonist takes a moment to respond, still a little bit stunned by neil’s words. then, he takes an easy breath, relaxing his tense shoulders, smiles down at neil - small and private, something just for the too of them - and says, “me too.”

because despite everything that had happened to them both during their time in that prison, they still had each other. they were there for each other, and the protagonist gets it now - the beautiful friendship that neil had alluded to. it is quite beautiful - poetic too, maybe - for them to have found each other in such a hopeless place, then lost that connect, then reconnecting it again because fate has willed it so.

the protagonist can’t help, even more so now that they are together again, looking forward to the things they will get up to - as promised. neil’s smile, sleepy yet sincere, tells him the very same thing.

#protagoneil #its only an idea so some parts are weird and super vague and just improbable #i really want to write it but damn i can't be profound enough to write something like this; and like i said my schedule is packed rip #and i have so many wips already ahhhhhhh #gotta finish them all before i can jump on any other projects and i just love this one to much to leave it there collecting dust #so here goes #if anyone wanna hop on this please do #you'll get my eternal love in return #also kudos for anyone who knows/figures out the show i'm talking about here #it's based on a very famous novel (that i have never read before; but have heard enough of it from my dad while watching the show with him)#(fun times; maybe that's why the show (or parts of it) really sticks to me hah)#idk what to tag this #*my ramblings #my prompt #ig???#i'll figure something out later but this will be it for now

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harringrovetrashrat · 4 years

Text

You'll Find Me Looking Over the Edge of the World

Billy flew out of the house, anger coursing through his veins making him feel like he was on fire. His father shouted after him, but the pounding in his ears was too loud for him to hear. Not that it mattered anyway. Not like anything fucking mattered.

He drove to the Quarry. Pulled the bottle of tequila from his trunk. Sat on the hood of his car drinking and drinking and drinking. It was spring, but still so fucking cold. The tequila helped with that, at least. Billy angrily rubbed at his eyes, ignoring the prickling of tears. Men don’t cry. Men aren’t fucking pussies who cry about a haircut.

He sucked in a breath and hunched over, feeling nothing and absolutely everything all at once. He felt so empty, fucking hollow, but he was also burning up inside. There was nothing for him in this world except to be the angry asshole who’ll one day, hopefully, wrap himself around a tree and do everyone else a favor. Billy hiccuped a sob before biting his bottom lip. It made him so angry, that he had to suffer this, that Max didn’t have to because she was the good one. But he must have deserved it. He always fucked up, anyway.

God, he just wished that he had something. Something to fucking look forward to. Hope felt like something distant, something out of reach, But he had nothing. Well, he kind of had one thing. Though that was kind of torture too. Watching Steve Harrington from afar, because beating the shit out of someone kind of made it hard to be friends, and besides, he’d promised Max he would leave her friends alone. But sometimes it made it easier to get up in the morning knowing he’ll at least get to look at him.

Fucking pathetic.

Billy threw the bottle of tequila onto the ground where it smashed, glass exploding out. The remaining alcohol seeped into the dirt and he stood up, walking to the edge of the quarry. It was a long drop down. Billy swayed a little, looking down, down, down, wondering what kind of noise he’d make when he hit the water.

There was a gust of wind that ruffled the curls on the top of his head and Billy felt tears welling up again. Today had been going so well. He’d aced his test in Chem, as he knew he would, had been fawned over by girls, been envied by boys, and had even gotten a nod from Harrington. It was like floating, he’d been so close to actually being kinda happy; he supposed that’s why his father had been itching for him to make a mistake.

But it wasn’t even really a mistake. All Billy had been doing was fixing his hair in the mirror. It had been humid today and it fucked with his curls, even with spray. So he had paused a few times in the hallway, fixing his curls in the mirror as he passed, and after the fifth time his father had grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and asked,

“Are you done acting like some faggot?” Billy had tensed up, Sorry, sir ready on his tongue, but his father beat him to the punch. “Actually, I think I’m done with watching you fawn over yourself like a god damn queer.” And he’d pulled Billy into the bathroom, ignored his pleas to stop and his swears of I’ll stop, Dad, please, please don’t, twisted his longer curls in his fist, and cut them off. Had hissed, “Stop crying you fucking pussy.” Had slapped Billy when he didn’t stop crying fast enough.

And Billy had fucking high tailed it. Would probably get a few smacks for running away from his father.

He scrubbed at his eyes again, staring down at the water. It was high up, the water below definitely freezing. Billy wondered if it would make him as numb outside as he was inside. He shuffled a little closer, tipping some pebbles over the edge.

It’d be so easy. So fucking easy. And the worst part was, no one would care. He’d die, they’d cry, and in a week he’d be old news. They probably would even report it as an accident.

“Dumb Drunk Teenager Falls to His Death After Getting Drunk Alone, Like the Piece of Shit He Is,” Billy muttered to himself. That’d be the headline. People would say they saw it coming, that he was always getting into trouble. That it was a shame, but not a surprise. His family would probably celebrate, honestly.

There was another gust of wind, and Billy shivered. He was so tired. So goddamn tired. He lifted his foot and stuck it over the edge--

”Dude!”

And he was being pulled back, arms wrapped around his waist. The shift surprised him and he stumbled, making them both fall back, the person behind him letting out a wheeze when Billy landed on them. Billy scrambled to get up, both angry and kind of humiliated that someone had seen him. And of course, of fucking course, it had to be Harrington. He looked up at Billy, concern and anger on his face.

“Hargrove, what the fuck?!” And, you know, he really didn’t fucking need this. So he turned his back on him.

“Go away, Harrington,” he said, trying for his usual acerbic tone, but barely mustering more than a sad monotone.

“What were you doing by the ledge? How drunk are you, man?” Steve stood and didn’t leave. He approached Billy, getting into his space. Billy moved away when Steve spoke again. “And what happened to your hair? I hope you didn’t tip whoever cut it.”

“Fuck off, Harrington!” Billy snarled, pushing him back and getting into his space again because fuck, he did not need this right now. “I was just-- just--” He exhaled sharply through his nose, some of the fight deflating out of him. “Just looking at the water. Leave me alone.” He turned his back again, walking back towards the edge of the cliff. A hand grabbed his elbow and Billy flung himself away, still raw after his father-- “Don’t fucking touch me!” Steve backed up a little, hands up and a pouty frown on his face that Billy yearned to kiss away, which just made him feel worse.

“Seriously? Can you not be a dick for like, one freaking minute?” Billy was glad it was dark because he felt his eyes watering again and he would not let Steve Harrington see him cry.

“No, so just go away,” his voice cracked on the last word, which made Steve’s eyebrows shoot up and Billy turned away, but didn’t move back to the ledge. Steve would probably just reach out again and while Billy wanted him to touch him, he wanted Steve to touch him so much, he wasn’t ready. Not right now.

“Listen,” Steve said, not touching Billy, just coming closer. “Max walkied me and said she was worried about you and--” Billy cackled, and even to him it sounded hysterical.

“What a fucking lie. She hates me, man,” he said, shaking his head. Steve opened his mouth to protest, but Billy didn’t let him speak. “Fuck this, if you won’t leave, I will.” Billy pushed past Steve, heading for his car.

“No way,” Steve replied, getting in his way, but still not touching him and Billy’s heart fucking ached because Steve was so good and he didn’t deserve this kind of care. “You’re way too drunk to be driving right now.”

“Well maybe I’ll wrap myself around a tree and we can all be happy,” Billy spit out. Steve looked like he’d been slapped. Billy swallowed thickly and stumbled back a bit, his plant your feet echoing in his brain, going deep down into the pit where his stomach had been. He’d just been so angry he didn’t even think before he opened his big mouth. Steve was still gaping, like a beautiful dumb fish, so Billy quickly walked away from him, heading for the road. A gentle hand on his shoulder made him jump and Steve quickly let go. When Billy looked at him there was something different on his face. He didn’t look so angry, so put out, and Billy’s heart fluttered because it honest to god looked like Steve Harrington was worried. About him.

“Did you mean that?” His voice was quiet, gentle. Billy loved and hated it. He didn’t say anything. “Is that why you were--” Steve sucked in a quick breath and looked away, muttering a quick Jesus under his breath. “What’s-- I know we aren’t-- Look,” Steve licked his lips, shuffling from foot to foot, “I’m still pissed at you for messing up my face, and I know that you like, hate me or whatever--”

“Hate you?” Billy almost laughed. “I don’t… I don’t hate you.”

“Then why are you always picking on me, man?” Billy shook his head.

“Not enough tequila in the world, Harrington,” he mumbled. Steve made a face and Billy didn’t wanna answer that question. “Look, you did your duty. I’m fine--”

“That’s a fucking lie,” Steve cut in.

“I’m not gonna fucking off myself, okay?” Billy snapped. “Then Max would have to deal with Neil and that’s--” He growled a little and ran a hand over his face. Damn fucking tequila.

“Neil? Isn’t that your dad? What do you mean--” And Steve cut himself off, eyes darting to Billy’s poorly cut mullet and, honestly, people don’t give him enough credit. His brow scrunched, like it always did when he was thinking, and Billy couldn’t meet his eye. “You never said who did your hair,” he said, sounding casual, but there was an edge to his voice. Billy didn’t say anything. “Did your dad do that, Billy?”

“I was,” he licked his lips, dry and chapped, “I was fixing my hair.” He sniffed and sucked on his top teeth. “Preening like a fag,” he spat the word out, venomous, and the words just tumbled out. “And he didn’t like that, oh no, didn’t want a reminder of what a fuck up his piece of shit son is.” He swiped at his nose with his sleeve. “So he took it upon himself to remind me that I’m a fucking freak.”

“What the fuck,” Steve breathed out. He chewed on his bottom lip, brow furrowed. Billy saw when the words he had said really sank in. “Wait, are--”

“Please,” he begged and his voice cracked again and Billy really, truly wanted to die. “Don’t ask me that.” Steve was staring at him, his face unreadable. For a while the only sound was Billy’s slightly ragged breathing, but that eventually slowed. Steve just stood there, watching him, before walking forward a few steps. “You can crash at my place tonight, if you want.” Billy snapped his eyes over, a little surprised. “I’ll drive you back to your car in the morning.”

“If I’m not home to pick up Max--”

“Don’t worry,” Steve gave him a tight smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll be ready whenever.” Billy wanted to ask what that was about, what it meant, but it wasn’t his place. Steve nodded towards his car and went over, walking backwards to keep his eyes on Billy. “You coming?”

Billy should wait out here, get sober, drive home and sneak back in, face his father in the morning. The longer he stayed away, the worse it’d be after, but--

He followed.

#harringrove #steve harrington #Billy Hargrove #tw child abuse #tw sucidal thoughts #angst #pre harringrove kinda #Billy is YearningTM #i was sad and wanted to write something sad soooo

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serzhantkris · 4 years

Text

Rebel Yell- 6

Summary: Let’s get something straight: he does not love you. He knows that for sure, because he doesn’t want to scream at you and he doesn’t want to get married, and that’s the only things he knows for sure about people who are in love. And he was doomed to kiss with his fists and scream and be angry and blame everyone but himself for the rest of his life. So, no. Billy did not love you. Billy Hargrove x Hopper!Reader

Word Count: 2504

Warning: sexual situations

AN: Hey everyone, I won’t bother you with a super long update/apology. If you want to shoot me a message about how I’ve been gone forever, feel free. I miss you all, here’s some Billy.

Masterlist

The sunlight streaming in the windows is what wakes you. Slanted shadows fall over your face from the blinds, and you nearly panic until you remember it’s a weekend. The sound of something moving in the kitchen is muffled by the door, but it doesn’t stop the smell of bacon wafting through the cracks. Tossing the blanket back, you reach for a sweater as you patter barefoot into the hall.

Jim stands at the stove, his back to you, flipping the strips over in the pan. He’s head to toe in tan, the unbuttoned shirt catching flecks of grease. “What are you doing?”

He turns, just enough to catch sight of you, and points at the table with his spatula. You ease into a chair, cupping your chin in a palm. “Making breakfast,” he says, turning his back to you. “Heard you come in after eleven last night.”

“We got caught up at Benny’s,” you inform him, reaching for a strip of bacon as he slides the plate on the table. He gives you a pointed look, turning back to crack eggs into the pan. “It won’t happen again.”

“It sure won’t,” he says. Quiet lapses as you chew the strip of bacon, watching out the windows as a flock of birds settles onto the deck railing. “Your boyfriend’s quite the rebel.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, Dad. We hardly know each other.”

“Well enough to hang halfway out the car window,” he pulls another plate out of the cabinet, shutting the door a bit too hard. “Glad you made it home alright. I was worried about you, runnin’ around with some kid-“

“Billy, Dad. His name’s Billy.”

“I know.” He turns around, yanking the other chair out from the table as the plate landed heavily on its wooden surface. “He tell you Callahan got called out there on a domestic a few weeks ago? House wasn’t even unpacked yet-”

“What the hell, Dad!” You shoot up, knocking the chair back as your palms slammed on the table. “Are you serious right now? You ran his name?!”

“I asked around the office.” His face hardens, silently daring you to keep yelling or to storm off. “I just wanted to know who my daughter was running around with-”

“And I told you all you needed to know-”

“-because I pulled over this death-trap and she’s in the passenger seat-”

“-and you should have trusted me-”

“I did trust you,” He snapped, a fist pounding on the table. Your mouth snapped shut, teeth grinding at the back of your jaw. “I trusted you to come home on time. And you didn’t even do that. Did you want me to wait until you maybe didn’t come home at all?”

The sound of the birds outside is all that fills the space between you. You’re staring at the table space between your hands, trying to ignore the way his eyes burn as he waits for a response.

The phone started to ring, making you jump. Jim drops his fork down on the table with a clang, taking two long strides to the wall and yanking the receiver off the hook. “What?”

He listens for a second, keeping his voice low, but you’re already heading back down the hall towards your room, yanking open the dresser to find clean clothes.

“I gotta take this call.” Jim lingers in your doorway, fingers doing up the buttons on his shirt. You ignore him, shoving piles of denim and cotton around the drawer. “Listen, I know you’re angry-”

“He’s not a demogorgon, you know.”

Jim’s tongue is dry, mouth still open, and his arms fall to his sides as you finally look at him, hands gripping a pair of worn jeans. “I know that. I know that, and maybe I shouldn’t have jumped the gun-”

“Got that right.”

“Will you quit running your mouth for two minutes?” Jim runs his hand over his face, exasperated, and you fall silent, giving him an eerily familiar look he might have seen in the mirror a time or two. “Let’s make a deal, alright? You make it home by curfew from now on, and you let me know where you and your- where you and Billy or whoever are gonna be, and I’ll… Keep my nose out of your business.”

Your lips press into a fine line. “That would be easier to do if you were around.”

“Don’t. Test me, Y/N.” His teeth grit, and you can’t look at him, because you know there’s no way of winning this fight. “I’m not negotiating here. Two rules. Follow them.”

Without another word, the door to your bedroom slams shut behind him. You don’t move, still staring at the pile of clothes shoved to one side of your dresser as you listen to the sounds of the police car’s engine roaring to life outside.

Billy is pussy-whipped. That’s the only way to put it, and it’s infuriating. No amount of cigarettes can get rid of the taste of milkshakes and cherry chapstick caught on his tongue, and the inside of his car smells like stale rainwater and cum. And yeah, it’s always smelled a bit like sex, but now it smells like your sex and it’s different.

Billy doesn’t love you. He knows that for sure, because he doesn’t want to scream at you and he doesn’t want to get married, and that’s the only things he knows for sure about people who are in love. Although he knows it’s not supposed to be like that, he’s aware that despite the nickname you’d given to him, he was no Prince Charming. He was Neil Hargrove’s son, and the only displays of being in love he knew came from Neil and his mother. Neil, who’s fists sounded like thunder to young Billy, even when he hid behind the couch or under the table; his mother, who called him when he was ten years old to tell him that she wasn’t coming home. When he asked her when she would come back, she said not ever. That, he knew- that wasn’t love, but it was what Billy knew. And he was doomed to kiss with his fists and scream and be angry and blame everyone but himself for the rest of his life.

So, no. Billy did not love you. But he wanted you, and the only thing he could come up with between indifference and love was the same term he used to describe Tommy when it came to Carol: pussy-whipped. And he hated it.

He came to this conclusion halfway through Monday morning, as he was leaning against the brick corner outside those double doors, reading graffiti that had been etched into the dumpster, probably with a paperclip or a cheap swiss knife. It was initials inside a heart- isn’t it always- and a crooked ‘72 that seemed like a last minute addition. He wondered vaguely if those people still loved each other and if they did, were they like Neil and his mom?

He’s already halfway through his first cigarette, holding the smoke in his lungs as long as he can with every drag. The door swings open and Billy can’t stop the anticipation of seeing you step out to meet him.

“Hey,” you said.

Billy smirks. “Hey.”

Your face is tinted pink, and Billy can’t tell if you’re cold or blushing. Maybe both. “I wasn’t sure you’d be here.”

His heart sinks just the slightest. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Your lips press into a thin line and Billy already knows the answer. Because you already fucked me. What more could you want?

Truth was he didn’t come here for cigarettes. It would be easier to sit in his car, cranking up the heat and the stereo and blowing smoke out the thin crack in his window, than to stand in the bitter cold and wait for the beautiful girl that he absolutely would never love.

“So I was thinking—“

“Friday night was—“

You both stop, grinning stupidly. Billy’s cigarette is smoldering, dripping to the ground, and you haven’t even zipped up your jacket yet.

There it is again. That “shut the fuck up and enjoy each other” silence that Billy had never even heard of before you.

“My, uh, my dad,” you start, shoving your hands in your pockets and rocking back on your heels. “He works late on Fridays. Every week.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You bite your lip, and Billy briefly imagines taking it between his own teeth instead. You don’t offer up the question, but Billy answers it anyway.

“You inviting me over?”

“If you want.” You shrug. “We could pop some Jiffy-Pop. Rent a video. Ignore both of those things in favor of catering irresponsibly to teenage hormones.”

He knows it, now, how whipped for you he’s starting to become because he nods, that wolffish smile on his lips, and he leans forward to kiss you like it’s the most normal thing in the world. But it isn’t, because Billy Hargrove doesn’t go back for seconds and he doesn’t love you and he definitely, honestly, really doesn’t ever want to.

The faint sound of Jiffy-Pop snapping over the stove is almost enough to distract you from looking out the window. You’d been glancing out every few minutes, hoping to catch the flash of the Camaro’s headlights coming down the dirt road. It’s twenty after six, and Billy had agreed to be there by six-thirty, but there’s still a feeling of unease in your gut as the minutes tick by.

It wasn’t as though you actually expected Billy to show up. At first, you had been excited at the prospect of seeing him again- outside of the space you and Billy had claimed at the school. You’d caught sight of him a few times in the halls, now hyper-aware of him in ways you had not been before. You knew where his locker was, that he was on the basketball team with Steve; you knew where he liked to park the Camaro and who he spent his time with in between classes.

He’d become aware of you, too. He lingered at his locker just a bit longer after third period, when you would walk by on your way to chemistry. He knew which books you took home and which stayed in your locker; he knew that you liked to go to the library instead of lunch and that you stayed after on Wednesdays to tutor algebra.

But as the week went on, you’d become weary that maybe you had been imagining the magnetic pull between the two of you. That maybe Billy thought the sex was good, and maybe by Friday he would decide it wasn’t that great after all. That maybe he would just not show up and that come next Monday, he’d be a distant memory.

Three sharp raps on the door brings a grin to your lips, and it takes an embarrassingly short time for you to get to the door and wrench it open. Billy turns his head from where he’d been eyeing the kitchen window, smile widening over his face. “Hi,” he says.

“You’re here.”

Billy’s brow raises, his eyes trailing over you. “I am here.”

The breeze carries through the house. Billy looks expectant, and you shake your head, blinking, and move out of the doorway. “Shit, sorry- come in.”

Billy follows after you, moving slower as he takes in his surroundings. There’s a table by the door, the surface covered by three beer cans, two coffee mugs, two ashtrays and a plate. Nearby is the box television, facing a red armchair that has jackets thrown over the back and a couch that looks like it’s been slept on by a bear. More beer cans dot the coffee table, and Billy vaguely wonders if they’re yours or the Chief’s.

The smell of slightly burnt popcorn guides him into the kitchen. He hovers in the doorway, his eyes linger briefly on a child’s drawing pinned to the fridge before they drop to the dining table (the only one so far without any cans) where a stack of three VHS tapes bring him further into the room.

You glance over your shoulder, turning the stove off and putting the popcorn on the table as Billy picks up the tapes. “How’d I know you’d pick at least one sappy chick-flick,” he teases, holding up the copy of Grease.

“What can I say- I’m a sucker for a happy ending.”

Billy’s tongue runs over his lip as he puts the tape back down, moving deliberately toward you. It startles you, how he’s able to take such predatory steps and, although you want to let him come up close and put his hands in your hair and kiss you madly, he’s able to force you to take steps backward until your back hits the kitchen counter.

He bares his teeth with that smile that takes up his whole face, his eyes sparkling darkly as he looks down, towering over you. His body presses you against the counter, the wood digging into the small of your back, and his hands come up to grasp your waist.

“What a coincidence,” he mumbles, grip just a bit tighter as his lips graze your earlobe. “So am I.”

You yelp when he lifts you up, more surprised than hurt, and he sits you down on the counter and sneaks between your knees. Only then does he finally kiss you, the same way he had in the rain that first night. It’s hot and messy and entirely too much teeth, but the sheer ferocity leaves you needy. Here’s the wolf you had been so worried about, the one growling in your ear and digging his claws into your flesh.

Your clothes have barely hit the floor when he slides into you, forcing a moan up your throat. Your legs squeeze his waist, pulling him closer with each hard thrust. The edge of the counter nips at the underside of your thighs. Billy’s hands slide under them, pulling your legs just a bit higher, hitting you just a bit deeper with each unforgiving slam of the hips. It’s enough to uncoil the spring in your belly, enough to burst the lights in your vision, enough to make you think that maybe the connection you’d felt was real.

Billy’s forehead hits your shoulder, eyes squeezed shut as your hands pull at his hair, and when he comes, he almost hurts. Not the kind of pain he’d felt before, where his groin is too tight or his muscles flex just the wrong way, but the kind where he doesn’t remember how to breathe until your legs loosen around his waist, your hands let go of their vice grip and turn into soothing strokes, and Billy thinks he could stay like this forever.

He’s just got his breath back when he looks up at you, that boyish charm back on his lips and he kisses you one more time. “So, Grease, then?”

@william-hargroves @killer-queen-xo @sallyp-53 @cloverrover @scud994 @nighttwingg @yaidothat @abiwebb12 @camillewester @vespertxne @potatoheadthewise @tearsforhan @leedelee14 @crowned-gemini @ericuhlorain @frozenhuntress67 @chloe-skywalker @thatpunkmaximoff @elishaletterman @winchestersister55 @captainstilinskis

#billy hargrove #billy x reader #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things

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