#man i love most characters in this show

[unavailable-fan]

Thoughts after ep 8 of Bucchigiri?!

Maybe spoiler-ish, mostly about Matakara and Arajin

Like i get what Matakara is literally the sweetest boy that we need to protect at all costs, but there is a reason he has to grow as a character too, because, yeah, he's the nicest person, but nice people like can get themselves in trouble very easily (him getting close to Shindo, as every viewer screams internally for him to run out of there, for example), so in order to continue to be a nice living human, a person has to be selfish too, a person has to build boundaries and try to see things as they are. And in order to be brave you have to be afraid of something and then still decide to face your fears. It's not about not having flaws but about living with them and managing the horrors in your live and trusting yourself to overcome bad stuff, to maybe fall and then gather yourself and only then rise back again. And Arajin is obviously the silliest guy with zero communication skills sometimes, but well, at least he knows his limits and what he does and doesn't want. But he has the guts to be honest even though he's scared of disappointing the person that looks up to him and also too scared to face his weakness and his past, and he still doesn't choose the easiest way out which is lying to the person who will believe anything he says. Because he obviously cares, and in his own way he still tries to protect his childhood friend with his own two weak hands be it simply supporting him after fights, shouting nonsense to distract his opponent or helping with a party. That's not much, but that's still an effort, because it's easier to cut off the person you wronged before from your life and then make up some excuse to justify your behavior, than to face guilt and regret every day and still care. They're very similar in many ways and very different in others, they have different ideals and goals, but they make the same mistakes, and i love this, this makes their connection that interesting, and it makes me want them to ultimately resolve their issues and become the bestest buddies ever cause it seems possible. Their relationship will benefit from personal growth, and their personal growth relies on their relationship. They both could learn from each other and they both need more self awareness and confidence. I like how the plot just collides everyone's delusions, insecurities and conflicting motives, not giving a universal answer to all problems, instead it shows how this doesn't work, but people still can be together and do cool stuff and have fun even with all their differences, as shown in two previous episodes especially. I'm invested into relationships between each member of this ridiculous cast more and more each episode

[raveartts]

gonna take a break and make another sketch page later :3

[menelaus-blue]

as promised tumblr, the drawing has been done

[hearteyedfeelings]

That CON VER SA TION WOWEEEE. So so needed and for so so long. Just gonna type my inital thoughts cause I want to and why not.

Laudna. Dear Laudna, oh you poor loveable naive dummy. (Said with so much love). She grew up alone. Yes she had her parents and maybe the odd friend here or there but she grew up alone. And then she died in the most horrific way, alone. She woke up alone. She then spent 30 years of her life alone- but this time even more so with her own killer in her head feeding her.

And then she met Imogen, beautiful capable Imogen. A light in her lonely life, the first real light. Now she’s seen Imogen grow in power, in confidence. And she feels like her loneliness, her insecurity, her own head is bringing the love of her life down. She thinks she’s keeping her from flying but she doesn’t realize she’s keeping her from flying too high.

Imogen has been on step away from falling in with Predathos since she first felt the pull. The only thing, just like the words out of Imogen’s lips, the only thing that’s keeping her grounded is Laudna. Imogen’s heart is out walking around as a dead but not so dead woman with a rat bird as a familiar. Without her she’s, well we saw, she’s desperate. Willing to bargain with the her love’s killer to get her back. She’s sleeping with her dead body and ready to fight the Lord and Lady of Whitestone, the city of Whitestone. She tore down a city block, she exhalted, she crawled into hell after her. Laudna is Imogen’s tether, her red thread wrapped around her wrist, without her there isn’t.

Without Imogen- Laudna doesn’t have her light, her anchor keeping her from falling back into the dark.

Without Laudna Imogen flies too high never to be seen again.

They’re co-dependent. They’re ready to destroy the world to get the other back. They never want to leave one another. They want to protect each other above all else- the gods, Predathos, Exandria be damned.

They’re also scared.

Laudna is scared she’s holding Imogen down.

Imogen is scared Laudna will leave her and fall away.

They’re ride or die in the worst and best ways. I’m so curious to see how their story goes. I’d like to believe they have a happy ending though. Maybe. Probably not, but hey it’s good to have some hope and crazier things have happened eh? It’s D&D after all.

[secretlythatsme]

i've seen a lot of dp fans in the dpxdc fandom talk about not having access to comics so here. it's completely free, good quality scans (for most things), basically any dc comic you could want is there. you should have an adblocker but the ads aren't the worst if you don't, just noticeable and annoying. you're not gonna get a virus, i've been using the site for years, as have many other fans.

if you genuinely want to read the comics, take advantage of the sites comic fans have been using. there's new and old stuff and everything in between. crossovers too. whatever you want to read, you'll find there.

[itsfrenchfornothankyou]

The thing about Trafalgar is that he is determined to be the angsty emo in a series which is, unfortunately, a found family comedy

[red-moon-at-night]

An Analysis of Haruka’s MVs: Distance and Disability

Hello! I’ve recently fallen down the rabbit hole that is Milgram and I have been itching to make some completely normal and sane analysis posts. My silly alternate title for this was gonna be “Things About Haruka’s MVs That Just Make Sense: A Hyperfixation-fuelled Analysis”, because honestly my autistic brain has been having a field day over here.

I am in awe with just about every single music video in this project; the animation is incredible and each one packs so much carefully laid out information. But I have been rotating Haruka’s in my head constantly since I first watched them, and I have a lot of Thoughts. Not about whether he’s guilty or innocent/forgiven or unforgiven. Not about whether or not I can justify his murders. Just some straight up imagery and symbolism analysis, through the lens of disability.

Haruka’s disability has not been specified, but I am confident we can at least say he is neurodivergent. I feel like the cultural differences in names for several things e.g. ‘learning disability’ vs ‘learning difficulty’ will just invite unnecessary drama, and is a little pedantic. What does matter here is that Haruka's experience as a disabled person is heavily intertwined within his story and his motives. 

So, without further ado... let’s get into this!

Trigger warnings/TW: I will be discussing ableism, eugenics and harm towards disabled people. Everything else will be related to the music videos ‘Weakness’ and ‘All Knowing and All Agony’, so any triggering content within them may also be mentioned. Read at your own discretion and stay safe!

Disability: some brief (important) historical context

It is only within the last few decades that those who are disabled have been ‘seen’ for the first time. A modern society is (ideally) expected to be built to include and accommodate for disability, and to acknowledge disabled people’s existence. But for many countries (even the ones making steps outlined above) this is still not the case. For a very, very long time, globally, that has not been the case.

For most disabled people, society makes it very clear that they are a burden to it and are better off not existing. 

I’m going to make this section as succinct as possible because...it’s heavy stuff. But it’s important, and I want you all to get the gist of what I’m saying. The weight of it.

Let’s highlight a piece of history regarding IQ and eugenics, surrounding the publication and subsequent worldwide reception of ‘The Kallikak Family: A Study in the Heredity of Feeble-mindedness’ by Henry Herbert Goddard in 1913:

“In 1927, it was used as evidence in the case of Buck v. Bell, which culminated in a Supreme Court ruling that the involuntary sterilization of ‘mentally defective’ persons was not unconstitutional in the United States. By 1938, thirty-three US states had passed laws allowing for the forced sterilization of women with learning disabilities and twenty-nine had made sterilization  compulsory for people who were thought to have genetic conditions. Many European countries followed suit: Denmark in 1929, then Norway in 1934, and after that Sweden, Finland, Estonia, Iceland, Czechoslovakia, Yugoslavia, Latvia, Hungary and Turkey.”

— Limburg, J. (2021) Letters To My Weird Sisters: On Autism and Feminism, p. 126

This history of a ‘sterilization law’ includes Japan, who between 1948 and 1996 enacted the Eugenics Protection Law which “authorised the sterilization of people with intellectual disabilities, mental illnesses or hereditary disorders.” According to the government, about 25,000 were sterilized.

SO. It’s important to bring this up. To establish how much disabled people are not wanted, just from their governments. Let alone society. To this day, disabled people are hidden away from the public by families that are ashamed of their existence.

Japanese culture values collectivism, and maintaining the harmony of a group...to the extent of excluding those that don’t fit into the mould. That are different.

The question is: where do they go? The ones that are publicly rejected?

Haruka and The Curious Case of Distant Waters

Okay that’s enough of the heavy real-world stuff! Time to delve into some...*checks notes*...heavy fictional stuff. Fun!

Haruka’s MVs prominently display themes of distance and separation through the motif of water, specifically being submerged underwater. 

The name Haruka reinforces this concept as the specific kanji used (遥) translates to ‘distant’, ‘remote’ or ‘far away’. As there are many, many kanji choices for the name (including but not limited to: ocean/sea, eternity/permeance, clear/distinct/obvious, and spring/growth/cherry blossom) it feels like a particularly cruel and intentional choice to go with that one.

Through the exploration of this motif, we can see the extent in which Otherness/the state of being ‘Other’ drives Haruka to great lengths to close the distance and escape it.

What I noticed throughout both MVs (particularly AK&AA but note the beginning scene of Weakness), is that whenever Haruka looks at himself in a reflective surface (e.g. the vanity mirror, the fish tank), water either begins to rise and overwhelms him, or is already there and he appears submerged:

I think this is the “All-Knowing” part of AK&AA. He knows he’s different, and he knows there’s a huge ocean between him and his peers, his family, everyone. A disconnect when trying to listen and understand, but also when trying to be understood by others and listened to himself.

You know when you submerge your head in water, and your hearing gets all muffled and incomprehensible? And have you ever tried speaking underwater? You can’t, because if you open your mouth you’ll drown. It’ll just come out as bubbles rising to the surface.

I also think the bubbles symbolise rising tension, between what he wants and what he currently has. Bubbles are everywhere in these MVs, even in places where they shouldn’t logically be? Such as this scene, following the line “don’t wipe me out, don’t wipe me out”:

Immediately pans up to Haruka gasping for breath, droplets of water rising from...somewhere. For about a split second, and they’re gone. 

This boy is really going through it. I’m getting an ‘emerging from the ocean before I drown’ vibe from this one folks. When the line that follows this scene is “I can’t stop, I can’t stop”, what I’m REALLY hearing is “I can’t stop (killing) or I’ll drown”. This is his lifeboat, pulling him out from the depths of being neglected and hidden away, into the spotlight.

Some interesting images from Weakness in relation to that (of spotlights):

Anyways, onto the next point:

Blue to Orange: Water to...Nectar?

So, the orange liquid. It’s clearly representing blood, but I don’t think this is just a “danganronpa pink blood” situation of censoring/getting this video onto youtube without restrictions.

I think it’s most likely honey, specifically nectar.

The etymology of the word nectar shows its compounds translate to “death” and “overcoming”. Nectar is also called the drink of the gods, so it would make sense for it to be a ‘death-defeating’, immortalizing liquid.

For Haruka’s victims to contain nectar is very interesting. It reinforces that necessity to kill, to take the life of another, to sustain himself. To overcome the ‘living death’ he is experiencing by being hidden away from society. 

This is his means of escape from drowning.

However, as we all know, things don’t turn out great for him. By the end of AK&AA Haruka is rejected once again by his mother, after which the door is shut (the light with it is gone too) and we’re met with this imagery:

The nectar floods the room, engulfing him much like the water from earlier. 

There are many things we could take from this. One being that the nectar-gathering/killing-spree has clouded his vision; it’s so sweet, so sickly sweet and he’s addicted to the taste of attention, even if it’s very bad attention. 

Who else has honey imagery in their MV again?

Oh, right. 

Anyway, the nectar/honey situation could also be representing submerging into an even further level of distance. All that murder is gonna push people away, despite his motive being to close the gap between him and normal people. The 'ocean’ has lost clarity and become a maddening, delusional substance. After all, there is a type of honey literally called ‘mad honey’ known for its medicinal and hallucinogenic properties.

That’s enough about honey, though. Let’s move onto less unfortunate... oh, sorry, what was that? *checks notes*...Ah, yes. I meant to say, let’s move onto even more unfortunate symbolism:

The Necklace

So, this necklace. Haruka steals it from his mother’s belongings, and is his only material, physical connection to her. It is taken on the declaration of “making (her) love me again” and getting her attention once more, now he is no longer a child but a teenager closer to adulthood (at least, that’s what I consider the ‘shirt with a vest sweater and tie’ to represent. child him = the blue polo, teenager him = this one, adult him = an amalgamation of his teenager clothes).

I wasn’t sure if this was an opal or pearl/mother of pearl, but I’m leaning towards opal from the other depiction of it in Weakness:

Opals are fun because they can symbolise both good luck and bad luck, usually to do with whether it’s your birthstone. There’s something to be said of Haruka’s belief in his ‘misfortune’ and the superstition surrounding these gemstones.

But they are even more interesting for the powers they supposedly have; in medieval times the opal was considered the ‘patron of thieves’ for their ability to grant the wearer invisibility.

There is a deliciously sad irony to Haruka’s theft with that titbit of information.

Now, if this isn’t an opal, and it’s a pearl/mother of pearl there’s still some fun interpretation to be had! A little less sad, even. Pearls invoke strong imagery of the sea, of purity, and of a connection to the maternal. If this is the last thing he has relating to his mother, I can see this necklace representing a lifeline when he’s deep in the ocean. A reminder of why he’s doing all of this killing, and who it’s for.

His mother’s attention (or the idea of having a mother at all, any mother) is his driving force in life.

Speaking of that...

So We Really Need To Talk About That Fish Tank: AKA, Why Haruka’s Mom Wins ‘The Worst Parent of The Year’ Award

This fucking fish tank.

Okay, I’m gonna start by saying: I don’t think this is reading too far into things. When it takes an animation team months, sometimes years to create a 3-5 minute music video, and one as detailed as this...you don’t just wing it. There are storyboards, there are key frames and there are choices made down to the smallest of details.

From the sheer volume of animal/insect/fish décor that resides in the Sakurai household, you bet I’m gonna pay attention to what type of fish are in that fish tank.

For one thing, they live in saltwater. This is a marine tank, aka the harder choice of aquarium to have. I mean, way, WAY harder. For the experienced only.

These fish right here? One is a clownfish, and the other is a yellow boxfish.

Boxfish are a nightmare to keep alive. This article goes into more detail than I will, but all you need to know is: if there was ever a fish out of all the fish you could possibly want in your tank, this is the one to avoid like the plague.

They release deadly toxins when stressed, as a survival instinct. Boom. All your fish are dead. They need to eat a shit ton of food, but are notoriously clumsy swimmers and slow eaters. Boom. Starving, stressed out boxfish. Boxfish either dies from starvation or dies from stress and toxins.

For Haruka’s mom to have not just one of these fuckers, but a tank consisting ONLY OF MULTIPLE BOXFISH AND CLOWNFISH...

This is a high-maintenance tank. And it shows how much time and effort, how much care she puts into the things she loves.

How neglectful she is as a parent of a disabled child in contrast.

There’s something about the last scene between Haruka and his mother that reinforces this for me:

Haruka’s relationship with animals and himself: AKA, “why don’t I just become the damn fish tank?”

Let me backpedal a little bit. This subheading will make sense in a minute.

So, like I said earlier we have a lot of décor in this house relating to insects and fish. We also have a lot of pets. Both living and dead, taxidermized creatures in one household, proudly on display.

I think this may have created some confusion for Haruka regarding the value of animals being alive or dead, as in his perspective his mother values both equally. The fish in a tank may be full of alive creatures, but they’re still on display as if it’s artwork. Isn’t breaking the glass of a framed picture of a fish equal to breaking the glass of a tank with a ‘picture of living fish’?

(This isn’t to say Haruka is clueless to the impact of his actions, nor to justify any harm to animals. I just find the train of thought to be intriguing.)

So when considering these ‘objects’ are proud trophies of his work:

This is a carefully arranged display, which by the way, doesn’t contain a single fish. In fact the only piece of that moment visible here is the...large piece of driftwood? Okay. Keep that in mind.

We proceed into Haruka’s mother opening the door and seeing her son, for the first time in any of the MVs. Note the way they composed this shot:

I’m obsessed with this scene. The blue eye framing Haruka, with a literal fishbowl effect on him...

He is the goddamn fish in the aquarium now. His mother’s full attention is on him and him alone, with only the dead animals, the books, the lamp and the driftwood as window dressing to this wonderful display.

Doesn’t it just scream “Look at me! Look at what I did, mom!” to you?

That blue spotlight is on him once more. He is not just drifting deeper into an endless ocean, but contained in a vessel to be stared at.

One Last Observation

I didn’t know where to fit this in but I think the end feels appropriate.

His clothing here:

Is a frankenstein-esque mash up of clothes from his younger years. He wears this throughout AK&AA, and as I mentioned before it signifies him as an adult. However, I should clarify what I mean here as Haruka says “he thinks he’s 17″ and “doesn’t care about his age”. So... not an adult, but on the cusp of adulthood.

But I think he actually does care about his age, and quite a lot too.

This outfit feels symbolic of refusing to let go of the past, and of himself as a child. He’s literally grown out of his clothing, but he still clings onto it. He’s attached to the past because it not only contains his happiest moments, but the change from being loved to becoming neglected.

As a disabled person, you’re often treated with a lot more forgiveness when you’re younger. That is to say, some people don’t realise that children with disabilities grow up into adults with disabilities. There is a point where even support from medical and social services drops off like a cliff edge once you turn 18.

The ill-fitting clothing in this context becomes more than a reflection on Haruka’s feelings, and extends to reflecting society’s feelings on disabled adults ‘refusing to grow up’.

I don’t blame Haruka for holding onto his childhood like this. He’ll be even less publicly visible and seen once he is no longer a pitiful child, but a ‘weird’ adult in ill-fitting, children’s clothes.

[lyril]

alright, enough polls focused on the main adventure time characters, we all know marceline is sweeping them

i misspelled lady rainicorn but it's ok we'll live

[kriskukko]

the moon an art for a friend (@karcuda) of his character

[casualavocados]

this is such a solid show so far, i dont even know what to say. episodes feel long, but they're not boring. they're lingering, they last. it takes everyday emotions and everyday experiences and lets them play out; it confers importance to the small things. the story and overall plot-per-ep is simple yet genuine, and everything and every character feels so lived-in. i like the mix of fun and serious, i like the steady growth and trust between mork and day and the little buds of tension starting to bloom. i love the way the camera brings things to the forefront of the viewer's attention, the way expressions are shot and how long those shots are allowed to last on screen...you really feel the emotion coming through, and it really impresses me from both an acting and directing standpoint.....im just rambling but the jist of it is that i'm really enjoying this

[frenchfry99]

Waitttt....you said Lilly has a *honkable nose???*

.....

*Fnaf nose honk insert*

Lilly does the fnaf nose honk canon ‼️🎉

She's inviting you to join the clownery!

Do you accept the offer??

Bonus Lilly with a couple of her many friends! (lil one befriends anyone in sight)

Haven't drawn my Home design in ages,, he's such a silly fellow (as much as a house can be silly and fellow lol)

[girlmetalsonic]

thinking abt how one of the defining traits of metal sonic who's supposed to be this cold unfeeling machine is that they completely block out logical thinking to blindly attack sonic whenever they cross paths.. attacks him like an animal, not like a killing machine. attacks him in the way that only someone who feels an obsessive hatred could attack someone.. idk.. something something their most defining trait disproves what is allegedly their other most defining trait.. if that is the case then who are they at all?

[mysillyside]

My thoughts on Light's sexuality

Light makes the most sense if you read him as an aroace man (who is also gay in a very specific nearly-hypothetical way) who's completely functionally heterosexual. By which I mean he's capable of performing heterosexuality both romantically/sexually (if it's beneficial to him), without feeling (too) uncomfortable. He feels no sexual or romantic attraction towards anyone, however he is only capable of having (somewhat) close relationships with men who are his intellectual equals. He's a very homosocial character.

While I don't think Light would ever go out of his way to seek out a relationship for personal reasons, I could see him entertaining the idea of a life-partnership (in a queer-platonic-esq sense, though he wouldn't call it that) with a fellow man if he found one with whom he feels a strong sense of kinship with and who also happens to be extremely intellectually stimulating/challenging.

His disinterest in women as partners, while definitely fueled by his misogyny to a degree, at its core is because Light already finds nearly everyone extremely unrelatable to him, women and men alike, hence why, even if Light wasn't Mr. Sexism, women would still be excluded by default as potential partners because he'd want someone he'd feel the closest possible sense of mutual understanding with.

Considering finding such a person would be, quite literally, near-impossible, in a no-Death Note, no-Kira world, Light would most likely either be single for life (ideal) or married to a woman for the sake of keeping up appearances (not ideal, but he'd manage).

I think reading him as an aroace man (who is also gay in a very specific nearly-hypothetical way) is the most in-line with his canon characterization. That is of course, if we're analyzing how he's written in the text itself. If we're however, analyzing him from the standpoint of authorial intent- he's completely heterosexual.

[freakadr0id]

I'm bored, so have some of my favorite Tang gifs from season 4.

Mei really threw him out there like a Pokemon. What type of Pokemon would he be? (Idk I'm not really familiar with the franchise).

I might have to make a collection of Tang tumbling because the poor guy does it at least once a season (I think; he may not do it in season 1).

He doesn't really do anything special here, but idk, I just really like this shot and I needed an excuse to share it.

*Cue angry squeaking*

Once again, I would say this is a completely reasonable reaction to the crazy s*** these guys constantly face. Idc what anyone says, Tang is not as much of a coward as everyone seems to think. He may be scared here, but there's a difference between being scared and being a coward. Also, give the man a break; he's the only human there. A magic, glowy human as of season three, but a human nonetheless.

HE'S SO F-ING CUTE THOUGH! LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS!! GIVE THIS MAN MORE NOODLES! I WANT TO SEE HIM HAPPY!

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

[kissporsche]

there's just something different about pete in the epilogue. he seems so much more settled in his own skin, he takes the time to consider what he's hearing, what he wants to say, how he wants to touch. there's a general sense of calmness that I think can only have come from a significant amount of introspection while vegas was unconscious, after the intense emotional whirlwind of the attempted coup and his resignation.

pete said himself he tries to live in the present, and i think part of that has been a defense mechanism, trying to not self-analyse too deeply or he'll have to confront the emptiness lurking there ("no. I've always been useless."). but after the finale, after finally owning up to what he truly wants and going after it, pete has had time to look at those choices he made in a desperate situation and has had to confront himself about them.

so when vegas asks him why he's still here, he takes a moment to really think about it. and unlike when vegas asked him before at the safehouse why he came back, he actually answers. he gives an answer that could have seemed flippant, but there's nothing but sincerity in the way it's delivered. he can't go anywhere else. and then: he just wants to follow his heart.

it's not a complicated answer. but it's what he didn't understand or couldn't face up to before, and he can only do so now because he isn't hiding away from himself any more. he knows that this was a choice he made and he will stand by it, keep making it, because it's what he wants. he seems so comfortable in his own skin in a way he hasn't before because now he isn't just living in the present: he's thinking about the past and what it will take to live with that, and most importantly he's thinking about the future and the life they could build together. the life he wants to build together.

and that conviction that he wants to keep following his heart gives us a version of pete who is so much more whole than any we've seen before