#mandarin and korean but not really anymore

[olive-garden-hoe]

Tmnt 2012 hc:

I think that if the turtles were humanized they would all be black and/or blasian since they’re siblings and would have to have the same genetic tree (in 2012 I’m pretty sure they’re biologically related). However I love idea that they have slight differences between them since they hang out in different areas in nyc (a diverse city with a bunch of different cultures that I think would really interest them).

So anyways I hc that Splinter brought them all up to be bilingual, however Raph and Donnie aren’t as good at Japanese anymore since I think they aren’t as good with languages and they would consume a lot of English content growing up + Leo probably started translating Splinter for them and they kinda stopped needing to use it, so it faded a bit. I think Raph stopped speaking Japanese but can still understand it and could speak it (with some grammar and pronunciation errors) in a pinch. Donnie rarely speaks Japanese but he speaks it from time to time with Splinter, Leo, or Mikey. Leo is probably fluent in Japanese and English and I think her (Leo is transfem in my books) and Mikey can read Japanese while Raph and Donnie can’t. However, I think that Leo code switches and sometimes makes tiny grammar/pronunciation errors, with Mikey being the best at Japanese of all their (Mikey is aroace gender-fluid) siblings.

I don’t think Raph is a big language buff (unlabeled he/him non binary Raph supremacy), so he probably just knows English and Japanese. Meanwhile, I think Donnie knows code languages and probably taught themself (They/them for Donnie, source: me) obscure/dead/constructed languages like Esperanto or Latin. Leo probably can understand/read Spanish to some extent, though she’s barely conversational speaking it. She might also know certain phrases in a bunch of different languages since I hc that she wants to travel. Mikey, in my opinion, will be the best at picking up languages, probably fluent in Latin American Spanish, Mandarin Chinese, and Cantonese, conversational in Italian and Korean, and has begun to pick up some Haitian Creole (though her pronunciation isn’t good because she probably sounds either very American or has WAY to heavy of an accent). They also codeswitch and mesh together languages pretty often, so his siblings have begun to pick up a bit of their languages, especially Leo (how she learned Latin American Spanish)

I think they speak primarily English among themselves and Japanese/English with Splinter, who is plays a little game with himself when he hears music to guess the language it’s in

[r-ene]

last 5 days of June 2023

had a whole caption for this with what I'm up to, but I'll let the pics speak for themselves (other than the lower left one, that's homemade coffee jelly with home made, manually whisked whipped cream, hahaha)

but instead, i've been thinking of things to do for this gap year (not in order of priority)

learn spanish – suddenly thought how none of us spoke Spanish anymore, my grandmother on mama's side is 1/2 Spanish, I think she was the last to speak the language. ik i have a loooong way to go wit Korean, Japanese and Mandarin (actually ... i think i just forgot all i learned w mandarin from how a lot of things are happening at once ??) also this would most likely be easier than the ones i started, according to mama haha

get part time job/s – this girl needs money for books 😮‍💨 i'm not much of a spender but uni requires so much so this time i want to buy something non-academic ??

read lots of books again !!!

learn sign language – something i feel is very important.

consistently work out + eat healthier this time please – lowkey want to start befriending my enemy: cardio

appreciate more, wake up earlier again

be more consistent with my quiet and prayer times.

do lots of volunteer work

improve on my lacking areas (eg social skills 🥸)

spend more time with my family and pets ofc, something that's 10th here but is top priority before i start internship

with those tho i'll be allotting study times respiratory therapy related. very grateful to have found a mentor at this time, sometimes having someone such as your prof tell you they believe you can do great things is very heart warming, inspirational and makes you really go for that goal or more !!

anw tho its 1145pm at the moment, haven't finished working out but very determined to better myself — new month, new week, new opportunities and beginnings.

[shenrickyz]

  ꒦꒷꒷꒦  PROFILE : 정재원

BASIC INFORMATION ﹙J.JW﹚

JUNG JAEWON﹙정재원﹚known mononymously as jaewon is a south korean singer, dancer, model, and choreographer under AUDERE MEDIA. he is currently a member of the south korean boy group ZEROBASEONE, having made it into the final lineup after placing 3rd in the final episode of mnet survival show BOYS PLANET. along with that, jaewon is also a former member of the south korean boy group X1, having made it into the lineup after placing 6th in the final episode of the mnet survival show PRODUCE X 101.

𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 BASIC INFORMATION !!

STAGE NAME: JAEWON﹙재원﹚ BIRTH NAME: JUNG JAEWON﹙정재원﹚NICKNAMES: WON, WONJI, JAEW, MR. ANGER ISSUES, FIRECRACKER, SLEEPING KOALA

POSITIONS: N/A DATE OF BIRTH: AUGUST 05, 2001 ZODIAC SIGN: LEO CHINESE ZODIAC SIGN: SNAKE

PLACE OF BIRTH: GWANGJU, SOUTH KOREA HOMETOWN: GWANGJU, SOUTH KOREA NATIONALITY: SOUTH KOREAN ETHNICITY: KOREAN

HEIGHT: 180 cm﹙5'11"﹚ WEIGHT: UNDISCLOSED BLOOD TYPE: AB

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: 𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 KOREAN . . . 100%, JEOLLA DIALECT 𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 ENGLISH . . . 100%, STANDARD DIALECT 𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 DUTCH . . . 75%, UNSPECIFIED DIALECT 𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 MANDARIN . . . 60%, UNSPECIFIED DIALECT

GENDER IDENTITY: CISGENDER MALE PRONOUNS: HE / HIM / HIS SEXUALITY: UNDISCLOSED (gay) RELATIONSHIP STATUS: it's complicated SIGNIFICANT OTHER: N/A (we all know who)

BODY MODIFICATIONS: 4 piercings (left ear). 4 piercings (right ear). 3 tattoos.

FACE CLAIM: undecided (as of now) SPEAKING CLAIM: kim sunwoo﹙the boyz﹚ VOCAL CLAIM: lee donghyuck﹙nct﹚ DANCE CLAIM: ji changmin﹙the boyz﹚ RAP CLAIM: kim sunwoo﹙the boyz﹚

𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 CAREER INFORMATION !!

AGENCIES: CUBE ENTERTAINMENT﹙2017 - 2020﹚AUDERE MEDIA﹙2020 - present﹚WAKEONE ENTERTAINMENT﹙2023 - present﹚ TRAINING PERIOD: 2 and a half years﹙X1﹚, 3 years﹙ZB1﹚ OCCUPATION: singer, rapper, model, choreographer. YEARS ACTIVE: 2019 - present

DEBUT DATE: AUGUST 27, 2019﹙X1﹚, JULY 10, 2023﹙ZB1﹚

REPRESENTATIVE EMOJI:🪿 INDIVIDUAL FANDOM NAME: eunha

𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 PERSONAL INFORMATION !!

PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: jaewon is someone often described as complex, ever changing, a person who, according to everyone, is impulsive. usually, jaewon does things because he wants to, not because they're completely right, he often doesn't think before he does, or says things, and he is honestly super outspoken, having no shame in what he says most of the time.

jaewon is bold, confident, and assertive, all good traits if you ignore his pretty "mild" (not so mild) temper. he, unfortunately, is kind of like a mini version of his father, and he absolutely hates that because he despises him more than anything. he never got the attention needed as a child, often tossed to the side by his parents, who were too busy doing "other important things", and because of that, he feels the need to constantly be reassured by others, and he's often afraid of people leaving him, or not being interested in him anymore.

jaewon often feels undeserving of good things, it had been drilled into his head growing up that he would never be considered the first option, especially to the people who were supposed to consider him their first option, so jaewon never really does tell people how he feels or if he ever wants something, because he feels like he'll be dismissed right away. he's always used to not being someone's first option, that when he is someone's first option, he doesn't really know how to process it.

sometimes, jaewon feels oddly out of place in the group, simply because he can't help but feel like out of everyone in the group, he's honestly the worst member. he sometimes gets irritated too easily, has angry outbursts, and often feels like he doesn't deserve any good things because of his flaws. sometimes he feels like he shouldn't even be apart of zerobaseone, but then they all arrive with their group hugs, those thoughts leave his mind, because they do love him, as much as he loves them.

FAMILY: ⩨͢  father: jung jinyoung (정진영), born 1974, employed as a firefighter, father of 1. ⩨͢  mother: lim sena (임세나) born 1974, employed as a data entry clerk, mother of 1.

𓈒 𓈒 𓈒 FACTS !!

━ jaewon ranked 3rd in the finale of boys planet with 1,791,204 votes. ━ jaewon is a former member of the south korean boy group x1. he previously competed on produce x 101 and ranked 6th in the finale. ━ in 2019 during the mnet vote manipulation investigation, it was revealed that jaewon had actually ranked 2nd during the final episode of produce x 101, meaning his votes had been manipulated by the producers. ━ he is a former cube entertainment trainee. ━ at the beginning of 2020, jaewon left cube entertainment and joined audere media. ━ jaewon can play both the electric and acoustic guitar. ━ he is the closest to hanbin and matthew. ━ his favorite songs are 3.6.5 by exo, and hey ladies by destiny's child. ━ his role model is his former x1 member cho seungyoun. ━ jaewon's ideal type: "a gu— i mean! uh.. person, who i can just feel comfortable around, someone who just.. gets me, you know? i don't really know how to explain it, i just like someone whose— well.. not like me".

. . . this layout was inspired by @junjiie !!

[absolutebl]

Hi, i have been bingeing on all your and i absolutely love reading about the BL world from your perspective, I have learned quite a bit from your posts.

I just want to share some of my thoughts and pick your brain on some things I would like to understand.

Started watching BLs about a year ago and I mostly stuck to the few korean BLs that were available and also some stuff from Taiwan and the Chinese bromances. I know Thailand dominates the BL industry but when I first started watching i kinda avoided because (a) their language kind of throws me off, I don't know if this is offensive but it is something i struggled with during the first few shows and even now that I am used to it I still need time to adjust every time I start a new video. Thai is very different from korean, japanese, and chinese which I am very comfortable with.

The second reason I hesitated (this part is where the actual ask is) was their acting style. Now, I am not a professional who can give any criticism on these stuff, my opinions are based on personal taste and observations.

My main ask is that do you think acting styles change based on culture, like a lot of thai BLs tend to favor the slapstick comedy. Because of that their reactions and emotions tend to be exaggerated (I don't mean this in a negative way, just the only description I could think of.) I have seen a lot of subtle and great acting and emoting from them but kind of big way of showing emotions tend to remain.

I don't know if that made any sense, my thoughts are not translating well at all. Any way i hope you get what I am trying to get at.

Have a nice day🤗🤗

Ooo, what an interesting question and lots to unpack.

I’m not going to turn this into a proper blog post just going to ramble. 

I do go into language barriers in the BL producing countries a little here. BL Breakdowns by Country 

Struggling with Thai Language 

I actually really do understand this. It will depend on your native language, but it will certainly influence your enjoyment. I recommend studying the language a little and learning about it from a kind of cultural mathematical perspective, it makes it a lot more fun and interesting (and you’ll get the humor). 

Here’s my linguistic starter post on Thai for BL watchers. 

It always helps me become sympathetic when I become intellectually curious about soemthing, anyway. 

So my brain is mostly southern British English trained (not so flat as American) plus a little Spanish. But I hear Thai as very tonal and occasionally quite high and screechy and full of ticks (repeated words) because of the polite particles. It took me about a year of continued exposure to just not hear all that anymore, partly because I was training my brain to translate and understand it. 

Here’s my brain’s emotional relationships... 

I really struggle with Mandarin, it all sounds very much the same to me, the words seem to run together. This is how I feel about French too. 

On the flip side I find Korean extremely enjoyable and sexy, I don’t understand most of it, but I like listening to it a lot. This is also how I feel about Italian. 

Both German and Russian always sound angry to me. 

Most of the Scandinavian languages seem just comfortable and fun and friendly (and sometimes a little silly). (I grew up around a couple of these, in part.) 

Japanese when spoken by men just seems preternaturally low in the chest, and when spoken by women too cute and girly. But then sometimes I just kinda like the way it rolls off the tongue, and a lot of the repeated sayings and politeness just sound adorable to me. 

Vietnamese sounds very sad to me, almsot like a dirge. 

When I turn off the part of my brain, or try to, or have been living in a place where I’ve stopped hearing English on a daily basis, I think English is (most of the time) a very ugly language: chaotic and non-formulaic, sometimes a little brutal sounding. But I love its flexibility and breath of vocabulary and nuance, especially for writing. (Obvs) 

All of this is because of the culture and language of my various upbringings, also music tonality. What makes your trained happy music or sad music influences what we hear as happy, sad, aggravating, calming. How we express questioning, excitement, enthusiasm. Spacers and filler words (like um) and breath pauses. Body language (how close we stand when talking to each other). Facial expressions. All of this is going to impact your immersion in a different society’s pup culture and performance style from a linguistic perspective. 

So I guess what I am say is, it is possible to get over, if you sort of flex your brain a bit in a new way. 

Thai Acting Style 

So (now) Korea film style is the most western influenced of the ones you talked about, with Taiwan and the Philippines following up. China is a little more reserved in many ways, and very married to 4 act structure, which can make it feel over long and narratively off-beat to a western audience. I’m not sure where your film consumption background is coming from, but if you like the Wuxia bromances (like Untamed etc) but can also take the Korean short form BLs, my guess would be you’re coming out of sf/f fandom of some kind with a tolerance for epics but also shorts. 

You don’t talk about Japanese cinema, which is an interesting case (and most geeks having passing familairty with). It is the one that bridges the gap between the pretty atmospheric stuff, dark themes, but also some serious slap stick and pantomime action, which I suspect is what is turning you off of Thai BL. You might explore some of their stuff. 

I talk about it here, the weeds of Japanese filming style in a not entirely flattering manner. 

Also here in a history of live action yaoi in Japan

And here is something all about their (and BLs) darker traditions 

You could try something like Cherry Magic, which combines softness and sweetness with slapstick, but isn’t quite as in your face a soem of the others. If that’s too much, try Restart After Come Back Home, His the movie, Life: Love on the Line, Old Fashion Cupcake, and Seven Days. All of these avoid the panto style over-acting and sound effects that are the biggest turn offs for most western audiences

So for both Japan and Thailand the love of pratfall, or physical comedy humor comes from their local historical theatrical traditions and variety shows. This can be seen by those of use who did not grow up with is as: childish, scenery chewing, or over-acting. 

The addiction to carton sound effects, triple shots (where they repeat the same action from multiple angles, especially around intimacy) mostly comes from anime/cartoons which were tailored to the adult market for much longer historically in most of Asia. (If you think about the British pantomime tradition you will realize that many European countries do have this style of acting, it’s just been confined to the children’s sphere). Although there’s also American soap operas and movie comedies (like Bridesmaids, for example) or Spanish telenovelas that are very scenery chewing. 

What you’re probubly responding negatively to is in part a slight feel of being talked down too, or catered to, or spoon fed (emotions, acting, expression, sound) as if you were a child. I still feel this sometimes. Equally, I get annoyed by the sexual restraint that then is coupled to this style, in Japan in particular, which also makes the romance feel downplayed. But that’s my upbringing rearing its head. And, like any other cultural tradition, you will either grow used to it after continued exposure, or just never learn to enjoy the taste. There are some flavors that are harder than others to adapt too if you don’t grow up with them, whether food, language, performance, or music. 

That said, there are some Thai BLs that are a lot more gritty and serious, with more subtle and nuanced acting, especially now. Here’s some I think you might particularly be able to tolerate:

Not Me 

Manner of Death 

3 Will Be Free 

He’s Coming To Me 

Tale of Thousand Stars 

I Told Sunset About You 

Love Sick (actually I’d be intersted in your take on this one) 

And *maybe* 

SOTUS 

Bad Buddy 

My Ride 

Until We Meet Again 

Love By Chance 

Also you might like Pinoy BL Like in the Movies. 

(source) 

[chaaerries]

Facts about Yoon Jihan <3

— She made her acting debut in 2020 as a major role in the series ‘Its Okay To Not Be Okay’.

— Basically has seungcheol emptying his pockets due to the fact that he will literally spoil her and give her anything that she asks for. No need to ask anymore, he just hands her his card. He could never say no to the girl whose practically his little sister.

— She really admires Tsuki (BILLLIE) (VLIVE)

— Likes to watch jihoon work in the studio, she'll either sit from a far and stare the poor man down or sit on his lap in like that way where her legs are on either side of him and her head on his shoulder. she looks up to him a lot and calls him her mentor.

— Many western artist as well as Idols admire her and most wish of having the chance to feature her in their songs.

— Not only is she the most successful woman in Korea, she also ranks high in top successful women globally.

— Jihan's other nickname is 'Human Teruhashi' due to her power of attracting others with her beauty.

— Always has her wallpaper as a certain member for each month in birth order (ex. scoups, January. Jeonghan, February, Vernon, her and Chan, December)

— Spends a lot of time around the other member's families to the point where they claim that Jihan feels like their daughter.

— Has a podcast with Ashley (Ladies Code), BM (KARD) and Peniel (BtoB) called “Get Real”.

— Wildly known as the most talented dancer in the music industry, she also counts as a famous choreographer as she has choreographed for mostly every single group under Hybe Labels as well as JYP.

— Weird obsession with being held by seungcheol and mingyu

— Known for giving out stupid contact names for her close friends, family and members, right now, her brother's contact name is Dumbhan

— Has appeared on almost every popular Korea AND Global magazine covers

— Known to have wide vocabulary of curse words that results to her getting a lot of her scenes in Going Seventeen to get cut out due to the fact that she keeps cursing during shootsm. She may switch back and forth between English, Korean, french and Mandarin when cursing, just to be creative.

— Estimated net worth is about 68M - 70M as or 2023.

— Made sure to call Jun and Minghao every night before bed while they were in China due to how close she was with them and even cried when they left because she would miss them lots, she face timed with their familes too </3

— Literally cannot walk without looping her arm through her member's or holding their hands and swinging it like a child.

— Jihan had been invited to attend the 2021 met gala and she was the talk of the event.

— Adapted to the other member's drinking habits even though even after two drinks, she easily gets drunk and makes a fool out of herself. Can act normal, can't speak normal.

— Outsings, outdances, outraps, and outvisuals the entire kpop industry and everyone knows it

— The members say her leader side is her scariest side.

— Jihan is a people pleaser and will work hard for positive reactions from people, will overwork herself to the point of fainting or collapsing. Members monitor her health and mood daily especially jeonghan.

— Was actually supposed to be in the hip hop unit due to her remarkable rap abilities but of course, she settled with the performance unit because of her love and passion for dance

— Opened up her own dance studio as of 2020 called 1MILLION Dance Studios, despite a busy schedule, she still manages to maintain the studio all while instructing the Learner classes and at times, the Master classes.

— Spends a lot of time in Newjeans and Enhypens practice rooms even when she's not choreographing or mentoring, she just adores seeing them often.

— Hoshi says that Jihan has some sort of sixth sense as she is super aware of her surroundings and the sounds around here, he says that you could be approaching her from behind in the dark and she'll instantly turn around and detect who you are.

— Although she herself is a target of seventeen's teasing and abuse(/j), she takes part in the teasing of chan then beats him up when he retaliates because, and I quote, "He's not allowed to stand up for himself"

— Punches and hits mingyu just for breathing then immediately kisses him after.

— A sucker for revealing clothing which gains a lot of negative reactions from the public but all she has to say is that she does it for herself and no one else.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

[nyxelestia]

Seeing as apparently FFN is about to die or people are already unable to access it, just saving this screenshot. While I was in fandom on other platforms and under other names before I joined FFN, this was the oldest profile/account I had that was still continuously running as of June 2023.

I’m putting the complete profile below the cut for my own personal reference/nostalgia. (Prior to the proliferation of machine translation and language websites, I collected translations of “Hi, I’m Nyxie” from fans for years.) This is also my record of my original construction of my current name/identity.

Author has written 87 stories for Harry Potter, Psych, StarTrek: Voyager, Alex Rider, Merlin, Legend of Korra, Avengers, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Breaking Bad.

I do not accept requests!

(But I do still accept new languages for my greetings list below!)

I'm afraid I don't really hang out here, anymore. Come find me on Tumblr and AO3, where my much more recent - and thus much better - fanfic is now posted.

Hi. I'm Nyxie. - English (My first language)

Hola. Me llamo Niksi. - Spanish (My second language that I forgot as soon as I left high school)

নমস্কার. আমার নাম Nyxie. (Nômoshkar. Amaar nam Niksshi.) (My other first language that I have now mostly forgotten) - Bengali

Bonjour. Je m'appelle Neiksi. - French (Courtesy of Arithilim)

Salut. Je m'appelle Neiksi. - French, alternative greeting (Courtesy of Jaygirl94)

Hallo. Ich heisse Niksie. (Courtesy of MadCatta) - German

Ciao. Mi chiamo Nyxie. (Courtesy of Iamawesome) - Italian

Hallo. Ik heet Niksie. (Courtesy of Amore) - Dutch, Formal

Hallo. Ik ben Niksie. (Courtesy of katelinmr) - Dutch, Informal

Niksii اسمي .وسهلاً. (Ahlan. Ana ismii Nyxie.) (Courtesy of HallowedInk) - Arabic

Čao. Zovem se Niksi. (Courtesy of a family friend) - Croatian

Hajimimashite. Nyxie desu. (Courtesy of Le Sang De La Morte) - Japanese, with edits from Dark's Mistress

Konnichiwa. O namae wa Nikuse desu. (Courtesy of Cararook) - Japanese, with edits from Whisper-Otonashi

こんにちはわたしはニクシです。(Konichiwa. Watashi wa Nyxie desu.) (Courtesy of SecretMangaLover) - Japanese, with edits from Whisper-Otonashi and Dark's Mistress

你好，我叫 Nyxie。(Nǐ hǎo. Wǒ jiào Nyxie.) (Courtesy of t8t8t8) - Mandarin Chinese Simplified

Shwmae. Nicsi ydw i. (S'huhmai. Nyxie iudu ih.) (Courtesy of rhymneyfairies) - Welsh

नमस्ते। मेरा नाम Nyxie. (Namaste. Mera nam Nyxie.) (Courtesy of my dad) - Hindi

Hei. Jeg heter Nyksi. (Courtesy of Gin Dyps) - Norwegian

Mabuhay. Ako si Nyxie (Courtesy of ikot-ikot) - Tagalog

Boozhoo. Niksii indizhinikaaz. (Courtesy of goddess of all daleks) - Ojibwe

Cześć. Nazywam się Nyksi. (Courtesy of water kangaroo) - Polish

שלום. שמי ניקסי (Shalom. Shmi Nyxie.) (Courtesy of TheOneThatIsAddictedToHPfics) - Hebrew

Hej. Jag heter Niksi. (Courtesy of Barbasulrico) - Swedish

Καλημέρα. Μου όνομα ρήμ Νικσι. (Kalimera. Mou onoma rhim Nyxie.) (Courtesy of TribalForEagle) - Greek

Καλημέρα. Το ονομά μου είναι Νίξι. (Kalimera. To onoma mou ine Nyxie.) (Courtesy of roxake19) - Greek, alternative

Apa khabar. Saya Nixie. (Courtesy of Akira Setsuka) - Malay

Halo. Nama saya Nyxie. (Courtesy of biota9) - Indonesian

Sziasztok! A nevem Nikszi. (Courtesy of Amirea) - Hungarian

Labdien. Mans vārds ir Niksi. (Couresty of Lindala) - Latvian

నమసారము. నా పేరు నిక్సి. (Namaskaramu. Naa peru Nyxie.) - (Courtesty of Shadow's Life) - Telugu

Hei! Minä olen Niksi. (Courtesy of Jaleine) - Finnish

안녕, 내 이름은 닉시야. (Ahn nyung! Nae ee reum eun Nyxie ya.) (Courtesy of JackieDanielStark) - Korean

Ellohay, ymay amenay isway Yxienay. (Courtesy of WiccaKat) - Pig Latin

Oi, meu nome é Nixi. (Courtesy of Hedwig Edwiges) - Brazilian Portuguese

Dia daoibh. Is mise Nicsi. (Dee-a deev. Is mishuh Nyxie.) (Courtesy of Dolorosa) - Irish

'O Nīkī ko'u inoa. (Courtesy of Draconic Caduceus) - Hawaiian

Salve! Nomen mihi Nyxia est. (Courtesy of lege et lacrima) - Latin

Здравейте. Аз съм Nyxie (Zdraveite. Az sum Nyxie.) (Courtesy of ColiexChaos) - Bulgarian

Buna. Ma numesc Nixi. (Courtesy of Aralinne) - Romanian

Привет. Меня завут Никси. (Privyet. Menya zavut Nixie.) (Courtesy of lpgirl14) - Russian

Hej. Jeg hedder Nyxie. (Courtesy of Lady Drace) - Danish

سلام!میرانامﻧﻜﺲ.ہے (Salam! Mera naam Niksi hai.) (Courtesy of silkchemise) - Urdu

Gude, nem bilong mi Nyxie. (Courtesy of Scooterstripes) - Papua New Guinean Tok Pisin/Neo-Melanesian

(I don't know if all of them are right - if you see something is incorrect, please let me know.)

Additional languages to say this in are always much appreciated (including, if possible, the characters/spellings for my name). Thank you very much to those who have already given me the extra languages. 45 greetings in 39 languages and counting!

Random Personal Information

Name: Just call me Nyxie

Age: Old enough to read what I write

Location: California

What's In A Name

Nyx is the ancient Greek goddess of the Night, known for having sway over Man and God, and even Zeus didn't like to upset her. She gave birth to many powerful spirits and deities, and is often referred to as a sister of Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades, the sons of Cronus and Rhea and the fathers and leaders of the gods. She is fond of mischief and mystery. Every night, she casts the darkness so the stars can come out the play, and every morning, she sends them back to sleep.

'-elestia' comes from 'celestial', because I love the night sky and am an occasional space geek (I've even been to space camp). I dropped the ending l for a smoother sounding name. Along with which, "Celestia" is a computer program for space viewing, and what a lovely program it is...not to mention the fact I'm on a computer so much. I dropped the c for easier spelling.

Nyx celestial - c - l = Nyxelestia

Enjoy my fics! No matter how old the fic is, reviews are always appreciated. :)

[lingshanhermit]

Lingshan Hermit: When You Don't Understand Chinese

I have seen many Chinese people who don't understand Mandarin. Among them there are both elites and ordinary people. They often do all kinds of absurd things. They often use inappropriate words in inappropriate occasions and in front of inappropriate people. For example, I've seen people describe asking their guru for advice as "not ashamed to ask". I've also seen people praise their guru for being very diligent in cultivation. (I've even seen people commanding their guru to do things.) They would speak to their guru in a peer-like tone, sometimes even using words that only elders should use. This is really sigh-inducing. It shows the consequences of the lack of Confucian culture: people generally don't know their own position and identity, they don't know who they are, who the other person is, where they stand, where the other person stands, which words can be used and which words cannot be used.

In the past when I watched Korean dramas, Koreans in the dramas were often reprimanded for not using honorifics to their seniors. Using honorifics to elders is a great tradition from China. But now you can hardly see such scenes in China anymore. Nowadays few people can discern problems in other's word choices during communication. Most people communicate in an equal tone. Subconsciously, they think everyone is equal (which shows they don't understand at all what equality is, they think putting everyone in the same position is called equality). I often see many juniors communicate with seniors in a peer-like tone, sometimes even in a senior-like tone, and neither side feels there is anything wrong with this. Every time I see such scenes, words like "collapse of etiquette and morals" come to my mind.

Most people's understanding and use of Chinese doesn't even reach a basic level - by my standards. I've seen people working hard to learn English, but never seen anyone making efforts to learn Chinese. They probably think that since they are Chinese, they are born to know Chinese, so there is no need to study it. But this is obviously not the case. Chinese is a great and precise language, and also a very difficult language to master. In the past, some said Chinese expression is not as precise as English. I told them that's because they haven't learned Chinese well. If you can understand what "bianji wuming" (pervasive, constant unawareness) means, you can experience the great precision of Chinese. But almost no one understands what bianji wuming is, so very few can experience the precision of Chinese.

Due to my status, I often need to communicate with others. During communication I find that many people often talk for a long time without getting to the point. What they express is completely different from what they want to express. This is the result of not learning Chinese well. These people were all born and raised in China, using Chinese in daily life. They didn't grow up in Queens, New York. But their Chinese level is so poor. This shows that Chinese is not as easy to grasp as you think.

Don't think this is a small problem. This is an extremely big problem. In the lineage of Buddha Dharma, there are three types of lineage: lineage of intent (secret meaning from the Tathagata), lineage of the clear symbols, and oral lineage. For most of us, our practice is unrelated to the first two lineages. You can neither comprehend the lineage of intent, nor the lineage of clear symbols. The only one you may be able to attain is the oral lineage. That means you need a lot of communication in your practice. If you don't understand Chinese, you will run into problems during communication. "Running into problems during communication" means you won't be able to understand a word your guru says - even though he speaks in Chinese. You won't understand at all. I think the consequences of this need no further elaboration. Such phenomena are prevalent among practitioners. I've seen many people who actually didn't understand a word, yet they all felt they did understand. Then they would practice according to their own "understanding", producing all kinds of strange realizations. This is the result of not learning Chinese well.

I mentioned earlier that many people often make jokes and use inappropriate words. This not only shows their lack of Chinese proficiency, but also their unawareness of their own position. You don't know who you are, where you stand, and where your guru stands. You don't know what tone and words you should use when facing your guru. When you don't know these, you cannot receive any blessings. It's like when the cup is not upright, water cannot be poured in. Can anyone tell me how water can be poured from the pot into the cup when they are at the same or the cup is even higher?

Written by Lingshan Hermit on September 9, 2023.

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灵山居士：当你不懂中文的时候

[glitxhwayventeen]

The Taken One

Kun

Characters: Kun x female reader

Warnings: mentions of childhood abuse, hints at past sexual assault by a family member, mentions of cheating, mentions of hunger and food, mentions of women not being allowed to do much because the governments shit, mentions of war, mentions of running away, mentions of an animal attack on a human (though not super graphic), mentions of passive suicidal ideations, mentions of parental death, dark humor about it tbh, sort of cheating but also not?, I think that’s all but let me know if i missed anything!

Author’s Note: This pairs with Joshua’s The Taken One as well, with Joshua’s first part going first then Kun’s. Then the same goes for part two. Prepare to be sad. She’s a long one folks.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Watch It All Burn Masterlist

The Taken One: Part 2

Joshua’s The Taken One: Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3

Mostly 🥀

Bold= Korean Dialogue Italics= Thoughts Pink= Cantonese Red=Mandarin Green=English

Tag List-

You had known Kun a long time. Everyone said you were the power couple. The ‘it’ couple. The couple that couldn’t be broken no matter what obstacles tried to throw themselves in your way. Who could’ve known that they could all have been so wrong?

You first met him when you were in school. Well, when you were sort of in school. You had known of him for most of your life since he was all anyone at your school had ever wanted to talk about. But he wasn’t in your grade. You were one grade below him and, even though you took advanced classes for your age, your paths never really crossed until one faithful day when he caught you walking through the woods with your backpack on.

Normally, Kun wouldn’t have thought twice about seeing a girl walking around with her backpack on her back out of the corner of his eye while he was playing a ball game in his schoolyard with some of his friends.

But because of the growing war tensions, many laws had recently changed. One of such laws made it to where women weren’t allowed to learn in a public setting anymore. Nothing specifically said they couldn’t learn, but the new conservative policies definitely put severe and direct restrictions over what women could and couldn’t do.

When Kun saw a small girl struggling to carry her school bag after the law was put in place, his first instinct wasn’t to run and tell a teacher that there was a girl breaking policy, it was to run and hide the girl out of sight so she wouldn’t get caught.

He and his family thought the law was stupid and should’ve never been implemented. He grew up with a sympathetic father who was saddened by the struggles of others and a strong willed ‘do it yourself’ mother who didn’t like when bad things happened to others. In turn, they taught their son to always protect and care for others even if his own life could’ve been put at risk, just as they themselves would.

So he knew immediately that he had to help her. He quickly dismissed himself from his game on the premise of having a leg cramp and bolted to the edge of the woods as soon as no one was looking.

He ran for what seemed like forever until he stumbled upon a very sad, very distressed smaller girl: you.

You were quietly sobbing into your hands while you sat on a tree stump with a bag stuffed so full of stuff, he was worried it would burst with any sudden movement from you.

“H-Hello, are-are you okay?” Kun practically whispered, trying to keep his tone down not just to not worry you but also so he wouldn’t raise any nearby alarms about a girl so close to school grounds.

You immediately darted up from your sitting position with wide eyes, allowing him to see the cuts and bruises on your face, and ducked behind the back of the stump, knowing full well that being caught would mean certain death for you.

Though you weren’t sure if at 12 years old you even cared at that point about whether you lived or died, you did know you didn’t want to die as vicious a means to an end as death by firing squad. You had already been through and gone through so much unnecessary and painful abuse and trauma. You weren’t sure if you could handle such a violent death too.

“It’s- It’s okay. I won’t hurt you or turn you in.” The boy promised, causing you to peak up from your hiding place just enough to see if you could tell if he was being honest or not.

You were met with a handsome boy in a slightly crouched, less menacing position. But based on his height and demeanor you figured he was probably a year or two older than you. You thought you vaguely recognized him but you couldn’t place a name to his face.

You did note, however, that his deep dimples and starry eyes held nothing but earnesty and compassion in them, “I don’t know if you know me or not, but my name’s Kun. Qian Kun.”

Oh. You definitely knew his name alright. Everybody knew him. He was a goody goody teacher's pet that did whatever he could to get ahead to some. To others, he was just a kind and thoughtful misunderstood boy who’d do anything for anyone and not ask for anything in return. But how could you know which version you’d heard about him was the truth?

Kun understood your hesitation and reluctance. Not only did he not recognize you, meaning you had most likely never met, but you probably didn’t know what to think of him.

He knew the stories surrounding him and you were probably trying to decipher which were true and which weren’t. Because being wrong could’ve meant being executed for you.

He could practically see you shaking with fear. It made his heart twist in his chest uncomfortably. He’d never felt such… sorrow for someone else before. You were trembling in fear and looked like you lost to someone in a fighting match even though you were so young. It didn’t seem fair to him that you were put in the position you were in, whatever that position was.

But because it was only a matter of time before someone noticed he was missing himself, he decided to play his odds and be direct with you, “Look, i know you must be scared. But why would I have told you my name if I was gonna turn you in? Even if you believe everything people say about me, you must know that even the informers can get in trouble sometimes too.”

You couldn’t deny that he had a point. Some people would go out of their way to find citizens who were breaking the law to turn them in for the reward money.

But you always thought it was stupid of them. Everyone had heard the countless stories of all parties involved going missing or being murdered simply because they stood next to someone who broke a law or because the government wanted to keep the whole thing quiet so they could pretend everything was just peachy throughout your country. But how could you be sure the boy was actually there to help you?

There were just as many cases of the informer being awarded money or much needed ration cards for turning people in after tricking them into thinking they would help harbor them. He could’ve easily just been trying to gain your trust so he could do the same, you didn’t know. So you opted to stay silent.

“I’m just trying to help you. I swear! You shouldn’t be around here. They’re patrolling more and more. You need to get out of here!” He pleaded quietly with you, but you couldn’t help but still worried.

You were always taught men were bad. You were shown that men were bad. That’s why you were out in the first place. And even if you did believe the boy, you didn’t have anywhere else to go.

You didn’t want to go back home. You wouldn’t go back home. You couldn’t go back home. After this last time, you promised yourself you’d break free and that’s exactly what you did. You threw your most important and necessary items in your old school bag and ran for it. You figured you could run away to a new country. Somewhere where people wouldn’t hurt you for sport. Somewhere where women and children had a say and were protected. Somewhere better.

Kun had just caught you in the middle of some much needed rest from your night of running and crying. Now, you faced each other as he tried to convince you trust him.

But before either of you could make any move at all, you both heard tire tracks hitting the dirt road not too far from where you were. And they were getting closer. Much closer.

Out of desperation, Kun ran and jumped over the tree stump. He crouched over you so his chest hit your back (which was of course covered by your backpack), wrapped his arms around you and threw you both into a rather large bush with him landing on the ground first before you could try anything that would’ve no doubt gotten you both killed.

Once you were both settled in the bush, you were practically in his lap with how you landed, he trapped his hand over your mouth and whispered for you to be quiet.

Almost as if on cue, you heard a car stop not too far from the bush you found yourself in and listened as soldiers got out. Though you could hear a group of them talking in mandarin. But, as you weren’t as fluent in mandarin as you were in your mother tongue of cantonese, you didn’t really understand what they were saying.

The voices were using a very formal way of speaking and a much more developed vocabulary than you had learned. Mandarin itself was already very hard for you as the language was very differently set up than your own. But you had only just begun taking lessons in it a year ago, when it had been mandated by the state that every Chinese citizen be required to speak it in public at all times in yet another new law.

Since you stopped going to school so early on in your teachings, your progress in the language all but stopped. So you hadn’t become proficient enough in it to be confident you understood what even fellow young students said, let alone what a bunch of adult soldiers said.

But as his arm tightened around you and his legs moved to cover your balled up body, part of you knew he could and realized he was doing his best to shield you from whatever could’ve been coming by using his body as some sort of a chrysalis around you. The move probably would’ve made your heart beat a little faster had it not already been pumping like crazy from terror.

Neither of moved. You were both hardly even breathing. As you heard the footsteps and their shoe crunching getting closer and closer, you were worried you’d freak out just from the sheer horrifying thought of the soldiers catching you and you didn’t want to risk potentially exposing the both of you when you could’ve still had a chance to get away.

So you decided to find something, anything, to focus on that wasn’t them. You landed on Kun’s rapid heart beating behind you, something you could still somehow hear despite your bag creating what almost certainly was at minimum six inches between your back and his chest.

Even though the both of you were the most scared you had ever been in your young lives, for some reason being in the situation with him made you feel less worried. Hearing his heartbeat so close to your own gave you a sense of comfort and security you had never had before that moment.

Sure you were downright terrified that the soldiers were gonna come and shoot you both. But for some weird reason, some part of you thought you wouldn’t have minded if the both of you met your end there so long as you had each other.

It was quite a while before the shoe crunching and footsteps went away. It seemed like hours till you heard their car turn back on and drive off. At least, that’s what it felt like. But once the elder of you deemed it save, he slowly uncoiled himself from around you and checked to see if the coast was clear. Once he realized it was, he fully got out of it and then turned his attention to helping you get back out as well.

Which itself proved a challenge as the near brush with danger left young you feeling as though your legs were jello and made your body feel faint. After a try or two he managed to sit you back down on the stump you had previously used to hide from him with so you could try and calm down.

While you were trying to steady your breathing again, he finally was able to get a real look at you. Sure he caught a small glimpse in the .03 seconds he had before you went straight to panicking at the site of him, but it didn’t give him enough time to realize you were actually kinda… cute.

Your long jet black hair now had little twigs and even a small leaf in it, your what he could tell were naturally large amber colored eyes were now widened even further from the shock of the military men trying to catch you, and the scarlet lips he had previously held behind his palm to keep you from giving away your location were now protruded into a child like pout.

He realized you probably weren’t much younger than him, or at least would probably be considered taller than most girls your age based on the fact that you weren’t really super short.

But something he definitely couldn’t help but notice was that you smelt amazing, like fresh linens with a hint of daisies, even though the both of you had literally spent the past hour hiding to save your lives. He figured his 13 year old self must’ve smelt nowhere near as good as you from the sweat that had formed due to the stress of him trying to keep you both alive.

“H-hello…?” You gently spoke to gain his attention in the sweetest little voice he had ever heard in his life.

Once he realized that you must’ve been trying to get his attention and that he had more than likely zoned out while staring at you, he jumped out of his trance, “uh- um sorry. W-What did you say?”

“I said: you should probably go. They’ll… probably come back and uh… I’m sure you don’t want to be here when they do.” You suggested, refusing to look him in the eye and instead determined to keep your eyes on your now cut up legs.

They were pretty banged up from the long walking and the suddenness of being thrown into hiding. And that’s not all. You had small cuts and bruises everywhere, you tights were snagged, the arm of your dress shirt was ripped, and you could’ve sworn you had some sort of new rather large cut on your forehead based on the dripping stinging feeling you were feeling.

Though, you weren’t trying to seem ungrateful for him saving you. Far from it, you were trying to thank him for saving your life by saving his life.

They’d probably come back again since they were cracking down on people even harder now. You didn’t want him around again for that since he still had a chance.

And the more you though about it, the more you realized you definitely couldn’t go home and really only had two options: let the soldiers find you and hopefully give you a quick death with a bunch of guns or starve to death slowly on the streets. You opted for the first of the two so you’d have less of a chance of suffering.

Kun moved around uncomfortably in his spot, “Oh… right. Yeah they’ll- they’ll probably be back soon. We should go.” He agreed, putting his hand out to help you off the stump like the gentlemen he was raised to be.

But instead of grabbing it to get up, you kindly pushed it down and shook your head, “No,” You simply stated, “You… You should go. I’m staying here.”

“What do you mean you’re staying here? You know what just happened. It’s not safe! We need to go!” He insisted in a haste, trying to pull you up from the stump using the closest arm of yours he could grab.

But you refused to leave your spot and grabbed onto the top of the tree stump with your free arm, so his efforts were much to no avail.

“Stop it,” you hissed through thickly accented mandarin, “I-I can’t go anywhere.”

“And why on earth not?” Kun questioned, still using as much strength as his tired body would let him in his current state to get you up out of your seat.

“Because- I… I have no where else to go okay?” You tried to pull your arm from his grasp but you soon realized he was too strong, so you instead settled for giving him the evil eye.

With your new statement though, he dropped your arm in shock anyways, “W-What do you mean you have nowhere else to go…?” He asked softly, now with saddened eyes.

He didn’t know you, but something about him already had him having a small crush on you. Which was stupid considering neither of you were really in a position to be making google eyes at each other, but he figured it was his teenage hormones. Either way, that same part of him didn’t like the way you said what you said and gave him a bad feeling in his gut.

“I… I won’t go home,” You spoke slowly as you tried to think of the correct words to say in mandarin, “It’s… not safe there.” You answered, once again refusing to look the strange boy in the eyes, “And since I’d just… go hungry living on the street, I’d… rather go down by the- oh what’s the word? The firing squad.”

Kun didn’t understand. Why were those what you saw as your only two options? Why did you choose those as your two options? Why would you choose to die? Didn’t you realize your parents were probably scared out of their minds looking for you?

“Why the firing squad?” He asked.

He was honestly just trying to scare you into backing down and going back home. He didn’t think you had thought out what you were saying properly and that bringing the idea back up may shock you into rethinking your whole statement. He didn’t think you thought any of of what you said through.

“At least it’s quick.”

Kun was in absolute disbelief. And if he hadn’t been in disbelief from your actual words, the look of pure acceptance on your face was enough to leave him completely dumbfounded.

Because he realized you had actually really thought it through. But what could’ve been so awful at your home that made you want to commit second hand suicide than to return? What in the world could’ve made you think that that was a better alternative than living at home with your parents.

“You’d prefer to be shot than to just go back home to your loving parents?” He asked a question, again just more trying to scare you than anything.

You nodded and answered in a tiny, “Yes.”

Kun was borderline in tears at that point. How could you in all your childishness think dying was better than going home to your family? He could never leave his parents. He loved them. And he knew they loved him. So how could you just get up and leave people who loved you so much?

“But… Why?” He quizzed quietly.

“Because my father he… he loves me too much…” you quivered barely above a whisper.

Part of you wasn’t even sure if the older boy heard what you said. Part of you hoped that he hadn’t so you didn’t have to live through the shame of telling your story out loud. But it just… slipped out.

He wasn’t sure what you meant by your statement at the time. He wasn’t even sure why you were crying as you said it or why you brought your legs up to your chest and began rocking back and forth. But it gave him an ominous feeling he had never quite felt before.

He didn’t know who you were, and he still wasn’t really sure of why you didn’t want to go home. But if you didn’t want to go to your home, surely he couldn’t just leave you out in the open to be found by soldiers by yourself.

So the older boy thought for a moment as he watched you, trying to decide what to do.

But in the end, he could only think of one option, “Well if you won’t go back to your home, why don’t you come back to mine?”

You quickly stopped your mini breakdown at the boys suggestion, wiped your tears, and sniffled to clear your throat, “W-what?”

“If you won’t go back to your home, why don’t you come back to mine? At least for the night. That way you’ll at least get some food and a warm bed to think on it for a little while.”

And that was how you found yourself at Kun’s house sitting in his room while him and his parents spoke in the living room without him having even known your name or where you came from.

——

You honestly only agreed to go with him because you figured best case scenario: you’d get a warm meal and bed for the night, Worst case scenario: they’d tell you to leave immediately at their son’s crazy idea. At that point you really had nothing to lose. It wasn’t like Kun was gonna take no for an answer and chances were that his parents would just throw you out and you’d be on your own anyways. What was the harm?

But to your ultimate shock though, even though they were fairly hesitant at first, after their little family talk they let you stay with them. Kun’s mom made dinner and you were able to have some like he said you’d be able to.

Had you’ve actually eaten that week, you’d have been slower eating and been more careful with your manners like you’d been taught. But the smell of an actual home cooked meal coupled with the grumbling knife feeling in your belly practically made you a wild animal at their dinner table.

You were sure after that little stunt they’d have kicked you out because of your unintended disrespect. But they didn’t.

They let you stay the night in Kun’s room and he instead took the couch in the living room. It was strange, having an actual bed to sleep in. It was soft and cloud like. The blankets were warm and inviting. And the pillow they gave you was calling your name. It made it easy to fall asleep.

But then you woke up screaming from another one of your nightmares. You’d had nightmares nearly every night of your short life back then, that night was no exception. And that’s when you were positive your luck had ran out and you’d be back on the streets in an hour.

Though instead of being angry at you for disturbing their sleep, the Qians were nothing but concerned for you. Kun’s mom even cradled you and sang old Hokkien songs from her childhood to get you to go back to sleep.

When morning came, you fully prepared yourself for them to throw you out as soon as daylight hit. You got all of your things repacked in your bag and got dressed for the long journey ahead of you before the Qian’s had even woken up themselves. You ended up falling back asleep waiting for them to come and tell you to leave.

But they never did. In fact, you didn’t wake up from the exhausting night before until Kun had already been in school for three hours and Mr. Qian had already gone to work.

Ms. Qian said that they figured it was best to just let you stay asleep after the day you’d had and she made you some eggs. She asked you a lot of questions about you and your life. She didn’t push you to answer them, but she was too welcoming a person to ever deny her answers. So you told her the truth. The whole truth, which was something you hadn’t ever done before with anyone.

When you were done you were a bawling whining mess and told her you’d understand if they wanted you gone as soon as possible. You told her you wouldn’t blame them in the slightest if she decided to throw you and your things to the curb the very next second.

But instead, she pulled you in for the most loving hug you’d ever had, possibly the only real hug you even remembered at the time, and told you you were welcome to stay for as long as you’d liked.

It wasn’t something that was uncommon. During the war, no one really cared about kids so they could do basically whatever they wanted as long as they didn’t break any laws. Millions went missing. Thousands got jobs or left schools. Hundreds moved to new families. Somehow, you happened to be all three.

Your father reported you missing of course because he was a twisted controlling man, but since the cops didn’t care about even their own kids, they didn’t care about his. You had to leave school because the government said the only role women had during the war was to bare children, to become housewives, or to prepare for their future duty to do both. And you became part of the Qian family.

And it was a good family. Mr. And Mrs. Qian loved each other just as much as they doted and loved their son. Their happy family environment took you a long time to get used to since you’d never had one like it before. But once you did, you were glad you got to witness it. Eventually when you were comfortable enough just seeing them be the sweet family they were, they also had you really become a apart of it.

They began treating you like the daughter they never had but always secretly wanted.

Mr. Qian was quiet and reserved but always had some stupid dad joke ready that seemed to make all the worried of the day all better and helped to tutor you for the subjects you’d missed in school so that you’d be able to continue whenever the war was over and the stupid law was reversed.

Mrs. Qian showed you how to cook, play musical instruments, and taught you all about herbal Chinese medicine and supposed potions to pass the time. They acted like you had been born into the family, something you’d never expected because they already had their own son. But they always told you that their son saw you as his family, and being his family meant you were their family.

Whenever you asked Kun what they’d meant by that or why he considered you his family when you were going through his homework for the day, he just shrugged and told you it was just a feeling he had. And for some reason that answer made you feel incredibly loved and cared for, you weren’t sure why either.

——

About a year into your staying with them, you and the Qian’s went to the park to get some fresh air, something that was only permitted on weekends by the new government as during the week it could’ve been considered a distraction. It was rare that Mr. Qian could get time off work for family time, so everyone was pretty excited.

You and Kun decided to go down by the Min River just off the park to skip rocks, something he was shocked to hear you’d never done before. He had only just finished helping you glide a small stone through the water successfully when you started hearing noises from behind a tree.

At first, you thought nothing of it. But then you notice that Kun was standing straighter and more rigid than usual. Even then, you didn’t think much of it. You figured maybe he was starting to get tired or maybe he had something on his mind.

It wasn’t until the hairs on his arms began to stand up and a growl like sound emitted past his chest that you really noticed something serious was going on with him.

Just as you were going to ask him what was wrong with him, you heard a voice you had prayed to a higher power you didn’t even believe in that you’d never have to hear again.

“So this is what you’ve been doing all this time my little ________?”

Immediately you turned on your heels, hoping the voice you heard hadn’t actually materialized into existence behind you.

But it did. He did. And once your fears were confirmed with your very eyes, you thought you’d pass out from the sheer anxiety and terror that suddenly started to radiate through your body.

“F-father I-” You couldn’t help but stutter in your native language out of habit, you didn’t seem to have control over your words, or your legs based on the buckling state of your knees for that matter.

“You ran away from home-” your father seethed as he started coming closer to you.

Which was something that had you attempting to walk backwards to gain some distance. But the previously peaceful scenery around you betrayed you once your feet soon stumbled upon the river’s dirt edge. You had no where to go.

“You worried your mother and I sick-” the closer he got to you, the more you’d wished you’d never had gone with Kun that day.

You wished you could’ve taken back the whole year of happiness and love because now you had to deal with a year of your father’s repressed rage and abuse. You suddenly wished you’d never ran away and that you just stayed back in your old home. You wanted to die everyday your father came near you, but at least you knew what you could expect of his treatment of you.

“Made us file a police report-” His everyday fury was enough to cripple the strongest man.

You didn’t want to even think of what he’d do to do now that he’d found you. Would he force you home? Would he hit you in public? Would he just kill you already and get it over with? Part of you already knew he’d never let you go, but part of you also hoped he’d just put you out of your misery before it started.

“All to be goofing off with some boy? Are you kidding me ________?! What’s our rule about men huh?! Huh!?” You debated whether or not jumping into the seemingly never ending river to end it all would be an option.

You knew he could swim and you couldn’t. And you also knew your father was definitely the type of man that would save you only so he could continue to torture you for the rest of your life. So it seemed like a pointless move. You’d never be free of him. He’d never let you go.

As he got within a five foot radius of you, you looked around for Kun so you could at least get one last glance of the boy that had given you the best year of your life, so you could say goodbye to the boy who had kindly taken you in when you had no where to go. You wanted to catch a glimpse of him for the last time to let your eyes express to him the words you had never gotten to say to him: i love you.

But you soon realized he was nowhere to be found. As much as you wanted to whine out loud at the thought of not getting a chance to see him before your fate was sealed, you knew it was for the best. You didn’t want him to see what would happen to you, whatever it was.

You gulped once you could perfectly see your father’s nostrils flaring, “I- I-” you tried to answer in the hopes of lessening the anger he felt towards you, but your words and voice still failed you.

You hoped Kun got to his parents. That he ran to them as soon as he realized it was your father who had interrupted your private moment together.

“Well ________?!?” Your father exploded, getting so close to your face you could feel his breath hit your face, the scent of vodka filling your nostrils as he tried to intimidate an answer out of you like he had done so many times before.

You hoped the Qian’s left already. You hoped they were gone and that they stayed gone. You hoped they’d forgotten about you the second Kun got to them to save themselves and that they realized trying to help you anymore than they already had was futile.

Your father would no doubt try to find the family that sheltered and cared for you. He’d make them regret ever crossing paths with you like he’d done to anyone else in the past that tried to show you even an announce of kindness. If they left, they’d at least get a head start. They’d at least have a chance to save themselves.

Tilting your head down to look at your feet, you tried one last time to give him acknowledgement, “T-They-” Your voice started to fail you once more, causing more anger to erupt from your father’s throat.

You wished you could have thanked the Qian’s. You wished you could have told them how grateful you were for their kindness and generosity towards you. You wished you could have thanked them for treating you like you were their own flesh and blood when you were just some strange girl Kun had picked up from school. You wished you could have told them that their help in your time of need meant everything to you and that you wished you could have repaid them somehow.

You wished you could’ve had one last day with them to memorize the warm feeling that hit you the second you’d walked through their front door to keep the cold abyss that would soon be your prison once more from getting to you.

You wished you could’ve sat down with the respectful Mr. Qian once more before you’d be stuck with your pig of a father for the rest of your life. You wished you could’ve cooked with the joyful Mrs. Qian as you chatted about your day one last time before you got stuck with your silent and resentful mother. You wished you could’ve sat at the dining room table while a happy Kun tried to explain his homework to you for the hundredth with his beautiful dimples flashing at you as he smiled before you lost the ability to see his smile forever.

“Look at me when you’re speaking! Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten your manners ________!!” Your father shouted in your face, quickly bringing his hand to grab you by the jaw to force you to look at him. It wasn’t until his rough hand squeezed your face that you realized the tears you had been holding back were now sliding down your cheeks.

But mostly, you wished you would’ve had the courage to tell Kun you loved him. Even if someone as kind and caring as him could’ve and should’ve never loved someone like you back, you wished you could’ve told him how much he meant to you before you never saw the light of day again.

Waking up to him and his lovely family everyday made you have hope that the world wasn’t such a bad place afterall. In that moment, all the hope you had left was praying he’d be able to quickly forget you and realize what he’d meant to you.

“I’m-” Just as you attempted to apologize in the hopes of softening the blow you knew was no doubt going to be making contact with your face soon, you heard a loud deep growl of what you could only assume was a wolf animal come from the trees.

Your father moved his attention to the sound as well, signaling that he too had heard it and was wondering what was going on. But instead of seeing a bear or some other creature, you saw Kun standing by the trees while tightening his fists so hard you could’ve sworn he would’ve broken his fingers.

“Let go of her. Now.” He sneered with a stone cold face, pushing himself out of the tree line and out into the daylight to be better seen.

You weren’t sure what but something seemed… different about him. Sure he had changed quite a bit since you had first met him, but you chalked that up to puberty. This however, was new. Something you hadn’t experienced before yet. Something strange.

Your father let out a dry chuckle, “Oh if i were you boy i would be running as far away as possible because you’re next on my list.”

But despite your father’s warning and your eyes widening to tell him to run, Kun just kept his same emotionless face, “How about we just put me at the top of your list now so we can get it out of the way then old man?” He suggested, not even seeming worried over the fact that your father was a grown adult and he was just a young teenage boy a little over half his size.

Your father let his grip on your face go and you fell to the ground, apparently your legs had finally given up what little strength they had and could no longer keep themselves upright.

“Fine kid. It’s your funeral.” Your father shrugged, turning around in his place so he could start to walk over to your beloved savior and probably off him.

You couldn’t let that happen. Even though your voice failed you, you refused to let it give up on the first person who showed you even a hint of kindness, “K- Kun, don’t!” You cried out.

This only caused your father to swing back around and kick you straight in your rib cage, making you go from your kneeling position to fall straight on your side.

“That’s enough out of you!” He spit at you as you desperately gasped for the air your lungs lost.

But this time when your father tried to turn around, he wasn’t met with Kun. He was met with the biggest wolf you’d ever seen lunging straight at him.

In second your father was on the ground being ripped apart by the beast’s long sharp teeth and claws as he cried out in agony.

As much as you should’ve been scared of the wolf because it would’ve most likely have come for you next, you weren’t. You were much more concerned for your friend and started scanning your surroundings to make sure he knew to run. But he was no where to be seen.

You went from being concerned to confused as you were sure that just before you hit the ground you saw a very worried Kun watching you fall to the ground out of the corner of your eye. You wondered where he could’ve possibly gone in the small amount of time.

Your thoughts were soon interrupted when you realized your father’s pained yelps and screams had ceased and you saw that the wolf was headed straight for you. You couldn’t move your legs still, your arms couldn’t even lift you from the ground if you tried, and you were still struggling to catch your breath. You had no hope of getting out of the situation you found yourself in. So instead of even trying to get away, you just laid there and let it zero in on you.

Except when you closed your eyes so you didn’t have to actually see the wolf charge at you and began mentally preparing yourself for the attack, you soon realized it never came.

When you opened your eyes you could see the wolf clear as day with its muzzle in front of your face. But instead of the ferociousness you caught a glimpse of on its face just as it jumped on your father, you were met with a sweet almost puppy like face that began licking your face.

It quickly stopped licking you once it realized your eyes opened and that’s when you noticed it’s own big yellow ones staring at you.

You should’ve been afraid. You should’ve ran away screaming. You should’ve at very least been trying to push it away from you. But you weren’t. You actually felt… relieved that the giant animal was in front of you.

Which was again something that confused you, but it wasn’t until it laid down in front of you and emitted a small whine from its body that it clicked in your brain. It made sense why you weren’t afraid. There was no reason for you to run away screaming. You didn’t need to push the thing away from you.

You weren’t in any real danger. It didn’t want to see you get hurt. It was protecting you. It wanted to keep you safe. And now that it saw you were preparing for it to hurt you, it calmed down because it didn’t want you to be scared of it.

When you pushed yourself up on your forearms and watched the animals strange behavior, you felt a tugging flutter in your heart you’d only gotten from one other person before.

You didn’t understand what was happening. You didn’t understand why a wolf animal would suddenly come to a girl’s aid in the middle of the day where visitors wondered about frequently. Shouldn’t it be in the woods looking for food or something? More importantly, shouldn’t it want to hurt you for being foreign to it’s natural habitat?

Before you could personally seek any answers out yourself, someone came in and have them to you in a haste. And that someone was Mr. Qian.

“Kids!” He darted to you in a rush, eyes noticeably a similar color to the animal in front of you, “Kids are you ok-” Mr. Qian stopped dead in his tracks and sentence to take in the scene in front of him.

As he slowly got closer to you, both you and the wolf lifted your heads to turn in his direction completely.

Mr. Qian cleared his throat to regain some semblance of composure, “___, w-what happened here?”

That’s when you finally spoke up and explained what went on, at least, what events you knew for sure took place. You described to him the moments of you and Kun skipping stones, the fact that a man came out of no where to try to hurt you, and that Kun had disappeared.

“Okay that’s- that’s extremely worrying. First things first: The man,” Mr. Qian quizzed, seemingly trying to wrap his head around the situation at hand himself, “The man who tried to hurt you, where is he now?”

You pointed to the newly formed mangled corpse on the ground and told him it was your father and that the wolf came out of no where to protect you. You just weren’t sure why.

You also weren’t sure if he was truly just as shocked by the whole ordeal as you were or not. His facial expression showed nothing but concern, confusion, and worry. But his eyes gave off nothing but acceptance and compliance.

It wasn’t until he sighed heavily and bend down to the wolf’s level that you realized he probably wasn’t in awe of the whole scene for the same reason you were.

“Son, you’ve gotten us into quite the mess here you know that?” Mr. Qian shook his head with a slight airy laugh, something that caused the wolf to lay it’s head on the ground in a huff, “___, mama is back at the picnic blanket. I want you to go find her and tell her to bring me the supplies she always brings in cases of an emergency. Then i want you to stay at the blanket until we return, okay?” He tilted his head to look at you as he spoke as gently and as simply as he could to not scare you any further.

You vigorously shone your head after taking a moment to process his request, “N-No i can’t. What- what about Kun? We have to find him!” You insisted, unwilling to leave your dear friend behind.

Mr. Qian gave you a kind smile and nodded, “Don’t worry about my son. I’ll make sure he comes back with us i promise. But it’s not safe for you here and i know that he wouldn’t want you in any sort of danger because of him, alright?”

You were going to refuse again and push that you needed to help find him. But before you could protest again, the animal in front of you let out a small whine directed towards you that made your heart ache. And, though you still weren’t exactly sure why you felt the need to care about such a weird feeling, so you finally nodded in agreement and went to find Mrs. Qian to do as you were told.

——

It took a little while for them to get back to your meet up spot. You had already packed up the lunch you and Mrs. Qian prepared, folded the blanket that was brought to sit on into it’s large designated bag per your foster mother’s request, and began pacing in place before the small family came back.

Seeing Mr and Mrs Qian made you feel better, but seeing a very tired looking Kun nervously walking behind them put you at ease. You didn’t care that your father had came back and hurt you. You didn’t even care that your father was killed by the giant wolf thing. At that point, all you cared about was Kun’s safety.

So you ran to him the second he got close enough and wrapped your arms around his broad figure, “You’re okay!” You whimpered into his chest happily, tears threatening to spill from your eyes as Kun returned your embrace.

“Of course I’m okay ___. Are you?” He pulled you out of your hug and held either side of your face to no doubt check for bruises and injuries, his eyes being a very familiar but different color than you could’ve sworn they used to be.

But truthfully, even if you had any visible wounds, it didn’t matter to you. Those would heal. You were just mentally thanking every god that there ever was that he didn’t get caught in the cross fire of everything that happened.

You quickly nodded your head to confirm that you were, in fact, okay as you brought your own hand up to hold one of his that he had cupped around your face and squeezed it.

“Yes, yes. Everyone’s alright. But we really do need to be going. We can’t take any risks being out and about right now,” Mr. Qian smiled reassuringly.

“Wait!” You halted everyone from beginning the journey back to the house, “Don’t we need to talk about what happe-” You tried but you were quickly put at ease with Mrs. Qian putting her arm around your waist to usher you to follow them.

“Yes dear. We will. Just… not here. In fact, wait until we get back home to even think about it, okay? Let’s just be glad everyone’s okay, okay?” Her warm tone rhetorically questioned you, letting Kun and his father lead you to the car with a fair bit of distance between your two pairs.

——

Once you got back to the house, Mrs. Qian told you go up to Kun’s room to get cleaned up so she could refix the lunch you had all missed. You offered to help her as you usually did, but she insisted she had it covered and that you had been through enough for one day.

You did note that she didn’t have Kun go get changed the same way you had to. He stayed downstairs to speak with his parents.

As ashamed as you were to say, you did try to listen in to what they were saying as you had a feeling they were trying to get rid of you so they could speak to one another freely. But you recognized that they were speaking Hokkien, a language that, while you understood some due to living with the Qian’s for so long, you weren’t even conversational in. So it all sounded like a load of gibberish to you. At least you knew your hunch about them not wanting you to be around so they could speak was correct.

After you changed and made yourself presentable, you finally made your way back downstairs and found all three of them already sitting and mumbling to one another at the dining room table, no lunch in sight.

“___!” Mrs. Qian chirped to get the boys attention, causing them to cease their muffled talk and turn their attention to you.

Mr. Qian simply chuckled at you and made a silly comment about you taking a long time to get ready that you knew was just him teasing you, before he went to help his wife grab all the lunch supplies out of the fridge.

Kun on the other hand, immediately had his eyes locked on you and didn’t move an inch.

Not that it was an issue. It never bothered you when the elder boy gave you his undivided attention. You actually rather liked it when he did which, while not necessarily rare, definitely didnt happen every single day as he was generally too busy with school stuff and chores.

This time however, it was almost as if he refused to take his gaze away from you. Even when you pulled your chair out to sit down and cleared your throughly out of nervous habit, he didn’t budge. You weren’t even sure if he was blinking, not that you knew if he was or wasn’t.

You didnt dare to look at him back for more than half a second. Your teeny tiny crush on him plus your naturally introverted personality making such a task far too nerve wrecking for you.

Though even throughout eating lunch and you making small talk with his parents, you still felt his eyes on you. It wasn’t a creepy feeling you got when you noticed him staring. It was more of a… longing feeling maybe? You weren’t too sure if that was the right word you would place it as or not but it was the closest you could get to the right one.

Whatever it was, you just knew it made your stomach do cartwheels and made your cheeks feel as though they were on fire. Almost like your body was embarrassed that he was so openly observed you. In fact, him watching you so intensely had begun to make you a bit self conscious of how messy you could’ve looked eating.

Which was ridiculous. You had lived with the Qian’s for a year at that point. He had shown no sign of attraction to you that you recognized. As far as you knew, he just saw you as a little sister he never got growing up or as a close friend that just happened to live with him and his family. You, being the young girl you were, were just probably reading far too into what he was doing because you secretly wanted him to like you back.

He was probably just worried about you after everything that had happened throughout the day. He was probably just trying to look for any hint of discomfort or sadness by watching you closely. He was just being the good boy his parents raised him to be by looking out for his friend.

So you just had to slap away the butterflies in your belly, cool down the fire against your cheeks, and pretend everything was fine with you as you kept eating your food.

——

“Are we gonna talk about it now auntie?” You asked Mrs. Qian as you helped her clean the dishes from lunch.

Her eyes ever so slightly widened at your question and you saw a small panic wash over them, almost as if she had been hoping you’ve forgotten what happened earlier in the day.

She cleared her throat at turned to look at Kun, who was on her other side putting the dishes away in the cabinets after you washed and she dried them.

Kun was still acting weird. He wasn’t staring you down as he had been earlier, but he definitely wasn’t his usual self.

Normal Kun was always joking and laughing with his parents. The Kun you were dealing with was withdrawn and quiet. Normal Kun wouldn’t think twice about eating as much dessert as his parents would allow him to. The Kun before you barely even touched his lunch.

You would have understood if he had seen all you had at the park and was just in shock. But he didn’t see any of what you saw. He completely disappeared for that matter so you were really confused by his strange behavior.

He deeply sighed while running a shakey hand through his hair before nodding to his mother, who in turn turned to you with a smile, turning off the faucet in front of you and gesturing for you to sit at the table while she went and got Mr. Qian so you could all talk.

Truthfully, you weren’t even sure what there was to talk about because you had assumed they knew just as much about what happened as you did. But it just felt… odd to have witnessed your own father be killed by a wild animal and not discuss their ideas about what happened. Or at least acknowledge what you saw and potentially go to the authorities. You figured they left his body where it was, not that you cared too much about his final resting place after everything. You just didn’t want the Qian’s or yourself to get into trouble for not reporting it.

“Okay ___,” Mr. Qian puffed as he sat in the chair next to you and across from his wife, “What do you want to talk about?”

You tilted your head at the older man in confusion, “O-Oh. I- um- i dont know. It just… feels weird not to at least say something about it. It’s weird to like- i dont know- pretend it didn’t just happen,” you shrugged, biting the inside of your cheeks to stop yourself from rambling anymore while waiting for one of the other three at the table to say something.

Mr. Qian nodded solemnly in understanding before letting out a long breath, “I see. Today’s been a very eventful day for everyone.”

Mrs. Qian smiles and shook her head in amusement at her husband’s obviousness but said nothing. Kun just stared straight at the center of the table, no emotion visible on his face.

“Well, Yeah. I- I mean giant dogs don’t just come out of nowhere and maul my dad to death after he also attempted to kill me everyday. So I’d say it’s been a pretty eventful day,” you tried to semi joke with a side smile, but instead of receiving a similar reaction from the others, you watched as Kun, who sat across from you at the square table, brought his head down almost shamefully to stare at his lap.

The confusion and hurt must’ve been written on your face at the idea of potentially having upset the older boy as Mrs. Qian grabbed and squeezed your hand under the table to comfort you.

At your word choices, Mr. Qian thought it was best for everybody involved that he just lay it all out on the table to prevent you from accidentally saying anything more to upset his son, “___, about the giant dog-” He uncomfortably shifted in his chair, “It… well you see, it wasn’t exactly a dog.”

“It wasn’t?” You innocently asked, completely dumbfounded that the large animal you’d met earlier wasn’t actually a canine.

“No sweetheart,” Mrs. Qian answered for her husband, who was looking increasingly distressed by the second, “It was- well still is that is- a human.”

After Mrs. Qian’s statement, the entire table went completely silent as they all watched you nervously and waited for your reaction. But really, you didn’t know how exactly to react.

The thing that stopped your father earlier surely looked like a dog to you. A very very large, very very bizarre dog, but a dog nonetheless. Granted you had never been allowed to own one before, but you still knew what they looked like. You weren’t an idiot. It was furry and it had four legs and a muzzle. How could it have been human?

“But Mr. Qian, you saw it. It was walking on all four legs and it had fluffy fur. Humans don’t do that and they don’t have fur they have hair!” You reasoned out loud, trying to get the room full of older people to see sanity.

And why wouldn’t you have? You didn’t know what they knew. You hadn’t seen what they had seen. You had no way of knowing that, while they knew you were telling the truth, they were telling you the truth too.

Mr. Qian broke out of his anxiety ridden state once he realized you would probably only listen to him on the matter. You trusted Mrs. Qian and Kun, but as far as you knew, he was the only other one at the table that had even seen the big dog, “Yes ________, you’re right. Humans don’t have fur. But what you saw, who you saw, wasn’t exactly human either,” he clarified, “It was, well, he is a werewolf.”

You were crazy, that’s what you decided. You were all crazy. You’d lost it at seeing the traumatic events you’d seen.

“…what…?” You spine just above a whisper, not even sure they had heard you.

But you weren’t aware that two out of the three people at the table would’ve definitely heard you yet.

“The animal that saved you,” Mrs. Qian reaffirmed her husband’s statement, “Wasn’t an animal. Not really. It was a werewolf. A human who can turn into a wolf.”

You were sure they could see the disbelief on your face, or at least they could see if in your eyes, “But werewolves, guys- werewolves don’t exist. That’s make believe stuff.”

Everyone had their own set of beliefs and morals, you knew that. But they were speaking of fairytales and nonexistent creatures parents told to their children at night to scare them.

You heard Mr. Qian let out an exhausted sigh before you watched him stand up from his chair and gestured for you all to follow him into the living room.

He then said something to Mrs. Qian in Hokkien and she rushed around the room quickly to close all the blinds and curtains.

“Dad,” Kun finally spoke fearfully around you for the first time since you’d gotten back from the park, “Are you sure this is a good idea? Isn’t there any other way?”

The elder man let out a dry laugh to his son, “Xiaodan, she’s been here for a year now. I think we all know her well enough to know that the only way she’ll believe us is if she sees it.”

And just like that, you watched as Mr. Qian began to grow his nails into what you could only call claws. You could only stare in shock as his usual perfectly squared smiled transformed into elongated fangs and black fur began to emit itself from his skin. You listened as you heard what you could only assume was bones breaking and moving inside his body. You witnessed the usually rather average size, meek Mr. Qian turn into a creature similar looking to the one that protected you earlier in the day.

For a moment, you thought you were going to pass out and fall over from the flush of color suddenly draining from your face. But before your buckling knees could drop you to the ground, Kun caught you with ease and held you against his strong body to compensate for yohr weakened one.

——

“So you do like him then?” Mrs. Qian asked you as you helped her make dinner.

With a darkening blush on your face you squealed, “Aiya auntie! Don’t put words in my mouth!” You giggled continuing to finely dice the onion as you were told.

After they told you, more like showed you, that werewolves existed, it took you a while to swallow the new truth you had been given. Once the Qian’s deemed you had accepted the idea as reality, they began to tell you more about them.

Between the knowledge that Mr and Mrs Qian and Kun had collectively given you, you thought it was safe to say you were an expert. At least, as much of an expert as one who didn’t actually turn into a werewolf could be on werewolves.

You’d learned all about how werewolves are genetically produced and not created by bites like some movies suggested. You learned that the fact that they traveled and found their own packs was true, but that they didn’t actually have to have a full moon to shift. You learned about alphas, something that apparently Mr. Qian, and eventually Kun when he matured enough, were and that they were the leaders of said packs.

They told you about werewolf hunters and how they tried to kill as many werewolves as possible with silver, but that if they’re wounded by something not made of silver they can usually regenerate and heal themselves pretty quickly. They told you that, while they had potions or contacts to conceal their real eye color, getting highly emotional could easily burn through either and show their true colors.

And thanks to Mr. Qian’s meticulously ‘no filter’ way of teaching, during one of his lessons you learned about rut, which happens once a season for males, and heat, which happens one week every month for females. It was during the very same lesson that you learned about mates and imprinting.

Which were, in Mrs. Qian’s words, essentially soul mates werewolves got instantly by looking at someone fate decided they needed to stay with forever. Apparently every werewolf had one, some unlucky werewolves even imprinted on the same person. But each wolf only had one themselves unless something happened to their mate. Then fate would do another lottery guessing game and let them have another one.

Mr. Qian made mates seem so scientifically simple. Mrs. Qian always made it sound much more serious and heartfelt. She insisted that, while her husband was right for the most part, he neglected to emphasize just how strong the feelings could be and that nothing else in the world could ever compare. According to her, everyone and everything practically falls off the face of the earth to a werewolf once he or she meets this mate and no one else will ever matter romantically to them again.

While you enjoyed the sentiment, you also wished Mr. Qian’s calmer version was more true than Mrs. Qian’s Romeo and Juliet version. You were glad that werewolves got to have the same happily ever after that everyone deserved. You were just sad that you would never get yours.

Werewolves apparently instantly fall in love with their mate and imprint at first sight. If it doesn’t happen then, it won’t happen later. Meaning Kun would get a happily ever after without you in it.

That sad reality hit your fragile little teenage heart more than you had ever meant for it to, and it must’ve been pretty obvious too. Because Mrs. Qian couldn’t seem to stop teasing you for your little crush on him ever since.

Mrs. Qian scoffed, “I’m not putting words in your mouth. I’m just asking a question i already know the answer to.”

“And how do you KNOW the answer already huh auntie?” You raised your eyebrow at her.

Because she had caught you crying over your pathetic teenage feeling for him a few days prior. You hadn’t told her that was why you were crying of course, she just… knew.

“Because a mother always knows ___.” She proudly smiled, taking your finished onions pieces and adding them to her pan.

Mrs. Qian treated you like the daughter she never had. And anytime she implied or referred to you as her daughter, it made you unbelievably happy. But when she brought the topic up when she had also been trying to get you to admit your unrequited love for her son, you couldn’t help but let the cosmic knife that hit your heart force you to miss a breath.

You didn’t know why she had insisted on bringing the topic up over and over again or why she wouldn’t just lay it to rest already. You both knew your feelings for him would amount to nothing even if you had told the truth.

Because Kun had already shifted. In fact, the first time he had was when he protected you from your father, which was a detail he was too ashamed to admit to you for the first couple months after it happened. You weren’t even sure why he felt that way. Your father was a monster in your book and, in your eyes, Kun had saved your life.

But it was because he had already shifted to protect you that you knew your feelings for him were nothing more than a school girl crush that never meant to be spoken about in the light of day. He would’ve imprinted on you that day if you were his mate and since he hadn’t told you he had when he told you he was a werewolf too, you knew he didn’t.

“Knowing stuff is overrated sometimes though auntie,” you sadly shrugged because you had started to think about how you and Kun weren’t meant to be, “Sometimes knowing stuff is a lot more painful than not knowing stuff.”

It was soon after this sentence that you began to feel burning tears brimming your waterlines and you had to excuse yourself so that you didn’t end up crying over everyone’s dinner, much to your foster mother’s dismay. But you knew in the end your decision to stop making dinner was what was best for everyone.

What you didn’t know however, was that when Kun got home from school Mrs. Qian was waiting for him. She told him how she thought you ran out on making that nights dinner with her because she had made you upset in her efforts to get you to admit your feelings for him.

Kun had been careful. He had been really really careful on how he interacted with you since he shifted. He never got too close to you, made sure to keep contact minimal, kept conversation light and simple, and refused to be left alone with you. He didn’t want to scare you away.

You had been so initially hesitant about werewolves and everything having to do with them, which was something that wasn’t helped by him attacking your father to keep him from laying his hands on you. He didn’t want to overburden you with more stuff that could cause you to have an emotional breakdown.

He didn’t want to tell you that even though you were already struggling with the idea of werewolves existing, he had imprinted on you which meant you were his mate.

But when his mother sat him down and told him he needed to be 100% honest with you because you were breaking down thinking he didn’t love you the way you loved him, he raced up the stairs to tell you the truth.

And that’s where he found you crying in his bedroom under his old comforter. He couldn’t help the small whine that escaped his lungs at seeing you so sad and hurt because of something he unintentionally caused. He pulled you onto his lap and let you cry for as long as you needed to before he told you you were his mate.

He actually practically got on his hands and knees so he could beg you to get you to forgive him for making you question his love for you. But you weren’t mad at him, you were just happy he told you because it meant that no one could take him away from you. Then Kun got happy because you accepting him mesnt no one could take you away from him. And everything seemed like it was gonna be okay.

Even after the both of you and your newly formed pack had to flee your home country so you wouldn’t get killed like some of your friends and their families had, you still didn’t really care all that much about the dangers and the hardships. When other packs came and tried to hurt yours you were never worried. When you had no money and no possessions but the clothes on your backs, you never once batted an eye. Because at the end of the day, you always had Kun by your side.

That’s how you and Qian Kun became the power couple. That’s why everyone knew you as the ‘it’ couple. That’s why some of the other couples even in your own pack envied what you both had.

No matter how stressful your respective college majors got, you never took it out on each other. No matter how limited your time got with each other due to crazy schedules, you never have up on making time with one another. No matter what life threw at either of you, you never once fought. No matter how hard the universe tried to break you down, you never once let the other break apart. No matter how tall the waves of misery and sorrow got, you never let the other drown. You were unbreakable together.

He was the love of your life. He was your other half. He was your soul mate. He was your world. But as you stood in the kitchen of your student Genji’s boyfriend’s home, you soon realized that those titles now also applied to a boy named Joshua Hong.

(Last Updated: 3/17/2023)

[exhalcdvibes]

official  name  : augustus  eric  grey .    meaning  of  name  :  of  latin  origin  meaning   ‘venerable‘  accorded  a  great  deal  of  respect ;  of  norse  origin  meaning  forever  ruler.  nicknames  :  auggie.  date  of  birth  :  july  1, 1993.  age  :  twenty  nine.  birthplace  :   detriot,   michigan.  hometown  :  bellevue,  washington  .  nationality  :  american.  gender  :  cis  man.  pronouns  :  he/him.  orientation  :  bisexual  &  biromantic.  religion  :  atheist.  languages  :  spanish,   korean,  mandarin,   french,  english  &   conversational  sweedish.  education  :  bachelor  in  energy engineering  from  princeton  university ,  masters  in  business from  princeton  university  . 

｡*    ❪       📂   ›  BASICS

(—) ★ spotted!! auggie grey on the cover of this week’s most recent tabloid! many say that the 29 year old looks like charles melton, but i don’t really see it. while  the energy engineer / socialite is known for being loving my inside sources say that they have a tendency to be vain i swear, every time i think of them, i hear the song head & heart by joel corry & MNEK  {he/him / cis man }

｡*    ❪       📂   ›  BACKSTORY

auggie was born to a teen mother who thought she could handle raising him. she placed him up for adoption after three months when she realized it was too much. this was the beginning of auggie being bounced from place to place.

originally he was being fostered by a really sweet old couple, the dad was a professor who taught auggie all about language eventually the two moved to korea for his career which meant auggie had to go back into foster care.

( physical abuse tw ) his second family was less well natured, they beat into him obedience, he learned rather quickly to do what he was told to avoid being physically punished. needless to say he was happy when the couple decided they didn’t want him anymore and placed him back in foster care.

atticus grey never intending to be a father, hell he was never intending to be a husband but he fell in love with his assistant anna. he was ( and still is ) willing to do anything to make her happy, including having a child.

orion, while the apple of his parents eye, spent all his time alone at around five he asked his parents for a brother. never one to deny their son something he wanted they started fostering children in the hopes of finding a good fit for orion.

when auggie arrived he was a bit of a little shit with a bunch of behavioral issues, he gave his parents all kinds of grief, hiding from them, taking their stuff, once he flushed a diamond broach down the toilet to see what’d they do

he kind of just assumed they’d eventually give him back like everyone else. the only person he really spoke to was orion and even then it was usually to bully his new sibling.

as he got older and auggie realized he wasn’t going to get sent away he calmed down…slightly. turning his anger into determination to be the best, he essentially crafted himself to be a mini version of his father

auggie is extremely close to his father because well, orion is nothing like him, he likes that auggie would basically do anything to make the man proud

｡*    ❪       📂   › EMOTIONAL STATE

has a very explosive temper, it’s really not hard to make him mad, he has the type of rage that has led him to almost going to jail after beating someone nearly to death

doesn’t know how to express himself so he tends to be sarcastic by default, most times he is giving you an honest answer, it’s just said in a very sarcastic manner

he is a shameless flirt but has never had any interest in being in a committed relationship, he’s cheated on every partner he’s ever had, ever

will lie to you if it’s easier for him or to get what he wants out of you  

incredibly intelligent but has always had to work hard for it, school does not come easy to him, he’s just the type of person to work himself into the ground for the grade he wants

extremely prideful, has gotten into fights because of his ego being wounded

a bit manipulative, will lie, cheat, steal and do whatever is necessary to get what he wants

annoyingly nice at times, but like with most things, it’s usually a performance there are very few people who actually know auggie at all

｡*    ❪       📂   › QUICK FACTS

auggie is the golden child, since orion wants nothing to do with the family business and auggie is literally a mini version of his daddy, atticus just…loves him more

atticus grey owns the biggest energy provider in all of the united states, he wanted orion to take over the family business but he was less than interested so he’s been priming auggie to take over. currently he’s avoiding as much responsibility as he possibly can but he knows he’ll have to step up at some point.

always wanted a pet but was never allowed one, probably for the best he wouldn’t know how to take care of it

doesn’t know how to take care of himself at all, he’s always paid someone to do everything for him, catch him walking around in a weird off pink bc he ruined all his laundry trying to do it himself

hates cats, he got scratched by one as a kid and has hated all of them since

did ballet until he was in high school so he’s actually a very good dance but he will do the whole teach me to dance thing just to feel you up

has an unnatural love for mcdonalds, is still mad he can’t get on the playground anymore without getting yelled at 

[baihuamp]

the sacrifice of life.

CWs for death, human sacrifice, intense emotions.

Hua blinks, vision bleary in the darkness of his apartment. The faint ringing of his phone is the only thing piercing the stillness of the room, and he fumbles around on the nearby nightstand, looking for it. When it's not there, his search becomes a bit more panicked, hands shuffling through his sheets until they fall on something hard. By that point, of course, the phone has stopped ringing, and he sighs.

The screen is like a beacon in the black night of the apartment, only the dim light from his bathroom illuminating the floor nearby. He squints as he pokes around on it, eventually finding his way to the new voicemail. Clicking on it, he lets it play as he rubs his eyes. His native Mandarin spills out of the speaker, a welcome surprise from his fluent Korean, and Hua finds himself grinning as the message starts.

Hey, Hua—well, I hope this is Hua. You're a hard fucker to track down, you know that? (The man laughs.) But it's me, Jin. I...uh. I probably shouldn't be calling you right now, I'm sure they can trace this—but I had to tell you this, it's...it's really important. Look, I'm going to try and leave the complex soon, so if you get this, call me back immediately—

He reads his phone number out and the voicemail ends, nothing but static playing on the other end of the earpiece. Hua's grin has faded completely, his fingers already darting across the surface of the screen, dialing his friend back as quickly as he can. Clutching the phone so tightly that his knuckles turn white, he lifts it to his ear, praying to anything that's holy that he can catch Jin before—

"Hello?"

"Jin, thank god." He breathes a sigh of relief. "Listen to me, you cannot—"

"Hua, don't." The urgency in his friend's voice causes Hua to halt mid-sentence, blinking as if the words got stuck in his throat. "Look, the reason I called you..." Jin's hesitation is clear even in just his voice; Hua can only imagine what the other man looks like. He's known him for nearly all his life, Jin being only a few years older than him. Back at the complex, they'd been near inseparable. And Jin was the only one that knew he had gotten out. They were as close to brothers as Hua would ever get; never mind their bloodlines. "It's about your mom."

Hua can feel the blood drain from his face, his grip on the phone tightening. "W-what about her?"

There's an audible swallow from the other end of the line and a lengthy pause before his friend takes a deep breath, continuing in his cracking voice. "Hua, she's...she's gone."

The whole world feels as though it grinds to a halt. All Hua can hear in his ears is the pounding of his heartbeat, the thrumming of his pulse. Gone? Gone how? There's an abrupt noise in his eardrum and his jaw works silently to respond— "y-yeah, Jin, sorry, yes, I'm here." He swallows hard. "What—what do you mean by gone?"

"Sh-she's dead. She sacrificed herself."

Hua's heart drops out of his chest at the words, a numb hollowness taking its place. The sharp pain in his gut twisted on itself, and his mouth dried up as he tried desperately to respond. "...Jin, I-I can't—"

"Don't. Just don't." The other man's voice was just as shaky as his own, and Hua took a slow, shallow breath. Jin had been as close to his mother as he had; likely closer, considering Hua's personal issues with the woman. He was grieving, too. "Look, I can't take this anymore, Hua. I can't. I'm going to leave."

"...but if they catch you—"

"They won't. I'm not dumb, Hua, I know what I'm doing. I...I know the risks. I'll be okay. I—" There's a sharp intake of breath from the other end of the line, and suddenly Hua's fingers are clenching again, nearly pressing the buttons on his phone in his panic.

"Hey!" A gruff voice can be heard through the earpiece, and Hua can hear the rustle of clothes as Jin presumably glances behind him.

"I'll call you later." His voice is tight, taut with fear—and the line goes dead a moment later.

"Jin, please." The words spill out of Hua's mouth into the already dead air with a sob as the phone falls from his hand, thunking onto the sheets in his lap. That building had claimed so many of his friends' lives so far, and it only continued to take. First Uncle, then his friends, now his mother, and they're about to take his best friend. He slams a fist on the bed, tears dripping down his cheeks in anger as his cries slip out, each more pained than the last. The damn group of assholes had consistently taken almost everything from him, and they wouldn't stop.

No. Not quite everything.

Hua wipes his hand across his face, breaths coming in shuddering gasps. Slowly, he swings his legs over the side of the bed, floor like ice against the balls of his bare feet. Padding through the hallway, through the living room, out the door, down the passage, and towards the neighboring room—he knows where he needs to go.

His fingers hesitate for only a second over the wood, knocking firmly. (It's the middle of the night, is he even awake?) His vision blurs with tears as he stands, chest shuddering with barely contained cries. A minute passes, then two minutes, and just as Hua turns to leave—

—the door opens. There's a moment of silence as the two men stare at each other, equal parts sorrow and concern, before Hua falls forward—and falls apart, arms wrapping tightly around his boyfriend. "They're gone," he whispers. "They're all gone." He shakes his head as he sobs, too much of a mess to explain what's going on.

The tears are coming harder and faster, wetting the other man's shoulder, but at this point, Hua doesn't care. He can't care. He just holds him close, in the only place left in this world that he truly cares about. In-soo, Davina, Areum, Ezra, Seungmin, Angela, Hunter—these people were his life now.

And he would cling to it for as long as he possibly could.

[narratorstragedy]

12, 13, 29, 33 and 34 for the language asks!

i'm putting these under a read more because wow did this get out of hand. thank you for the questions wren :-)

12. already answered!

13. What do you think about language learning/teaching at school in your country?

i think it sucks! lmao. (in terms of pre-university teaching, bc i think in college it really just depends on the professor.) i can only speak to the public school system in my state but the problem is that unless you are personally motivated you can get an A with mindless memorization & filling out worksheets & never really being able to speak a language. i know people who took 3 years of spanish in high school but because they simply did not care about it their speaking skills are, like, the level of my basque speaking skills (which are essentially nonexistent). also we start way too late in the us (language learning is mandatory only in high school and i never had the opportunity to take a language in school before then), a lot of schools only offer one or two languages so kids can't learn the ones they're actually interested in, & it's just... whatever. ugh! i've been mad about this for years i just feel so dead inside when i think about it.. usamerican public school system moments. i had a great teacher for 2 years of high school & i'm sure there are a lot of great teachers out there in the public school system but it's just sad.

i think it's really different in private schools bc a lot of people at my university were like oh yeah i took mandarin for four years in high school, or korean, or italian, or french and i was like Oh... so we come from two different worlds huh (my school only had spanish and so everyone was forced to study it for 2 years at minimum.)

29. What do you like learning the most? (vocabulary, grammar, writing skills, oral skills… Whatever you can think of!)

i guess vocabulary bc i like fun little words :) and then when i see them or hear them again it's like oh! my friend! but i also kind of like learning about grammatical structures, or at least i have been lately? the other day i watched like 5 youtube videos trying to understand morphosyntactic alignment. So

33. What achievement(s) are you the most proud of?

uhhhh hm i recently read a book in italian which was exciting! also this is kind of lame but the fact that i can basically read anything (literary) in spanish if i want to. of course it's harder than reading in english and if you put a medical text in front of me i'd be like what the fuck but. yeah. one of my favorite parts of learning languages is getting to learn about the literature & history of that language so :)

34. What do you think is the best for learning? Websites and apps or books and notebooks and stuff?

my favorite thing to do is literally just listen to music or watch or read things in a language (once i'm at an intermediate level) to the point where i barely ever watch or listen to anything in english anymore. this is not really a studying strategy because to be honest i've never been one of those #langblr language learners... i just do whatever i want and then take some classes and have fun with it and make a lot of decisions based on vibes. this is because i have not had to learn a language from scratch (ie i don't understand a word of it) since i was a child and i remember nothing of what i did except that i did rosetta stone for months and then when i got to spain i could not communicate at all and came home from my first day of school crying because i had no clue what was happening. so like... i guess what i'm saying is at a certain point just i consume media and try to communicate with people in whatever language i'm learning bc why not. but that doesn't help for beginning language learning bc. you have to actually know some words and grammar lmfaoooo.

i am really a terrible language learner, i just happen to love it. in terms of spanish websites i am in a love-hate relationship with la RAE. my favorite way to distract myself in class is to go dle.rae.es and select the random word function and see if i know any of them, or to put in words and see the expressions that are linked to them. i also have insane, only vaguely organized bookmark folders like this.

[penitentbeggar]

INTERVIEW THE MUSE

► ARE YOU HAPPY? ↳ N-not really... ► ARE YOU ANGRY? ↳ Mmm... n-no? ► ARE YOUR PARENTS STILL MARRIED? ↳ I-I don’t think I know that...

NINE FACTS.

► BIRTH PLACE ↳ Chengdu in Sichuan province, China ► HAIR COLOR ↳ O-oh... y-you can see my natural hair, the black, that’s mine. I dye it blond, I think it looks nicer.  ► EYE COLOR ↳ I-I don’t like to look at my eyes anymore, they’re changing color... more golden now I guess ► MOOD ↳ N-not great currently, b-but that happens, right? ► GENDER ↳ I identify as a male  ► SUMMER OR WINTER ↳ Winter is nice because it’s quiet, but it gets too cold. Summer is nice because everything is alive, but the bugs are too much... ► MORNING OR AFTERNOON ↳ How about we just sleep all day and never wake up? Haha, I’m kidding. I prefer the dawn over the muggy afternoons. ► SPOKEN LANGUAGES ↳ Mandarin, Cantonese, Japanese, and Vietnamese-- a little Korean. 

CHOICES.

► LEMONADE OR ICED TEA ↳ Tea; I don’t think I’ve tried lemonade before. ► CATS OR DOGS ↳ I enjoy both cats and dogs. ► A FEW BEST FRIENDS OR MANY REGULAR FRIENDS ↳ O-oh, I have friends! Many friends, I-I like them all very much... yeah. ► DAY OR NIGHT ↳ Anytime is a good time to sleep.

HAVE YOU EVERS.

► BEEN CAUGHT SNEAKING OUT ↳ As a child? No, where would I have gone as a child? I had no one and no where to go.  ► FALLEN DOWN/UP THE STAIRS ↳ Y-yeah, that happens to everyone though, right..? ► WANTED TO DISAPPEAR ↳ All the time... uhm, I mean, that’s not something you should worry about, I’ll be okay. I won’t now though, I have a promise, and the guy I made a promise to cut my throat open the last time I broke one, so I think I shouldn’t be so flimsy with my life anymore... but that’s a bit difficult after everything that’s been going on, huh? 

FAMILY.

► DO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY GET ALONG ↳  Hm, I don’t think I ever had a family. I don’t like to call my caretaker my family, she wasn’t really a parent. The kids at the orphanage were all right, but I didn’t see them as family. Master was pretty close to me, but even then, he made it clear we weren’t family.  ► WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE A “MESSED UP LIFE” ↳ Uh... A pathetic one, maybe? ► HAVE YOU EVER RAN AWAY FROM HOME ↳  I left the orphanage, I wouldn’t call that running away. ► HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN KICKED OUT ↳ I don’t think so... I’m sure my caretaker would have liked to if I didn’t leave on my own. When my Master died his family asked me to leave his property at his funeral... I suppose that’s close enough to being kicked out.

FRIENDS.

► DO YOU SECRETLY HATE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ↳ I don’t think I hate anyone... maybe myself, but I can’t say I’m my own friend. ► DO YOU CONSIDER ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS GOOD FRIENDS ↳ Yeah, I can’t think of one friend I have that isn’t good. Ryomen-Sukuna has some interesting ways to do things, but I admire his desire to be himself and do what he wants whenever. I want to become more like him... I want to follow him and learn from him for as long as he will let me. ► WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND ↳ Oh, Sun and Reier, they’re both my best friends ► WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU ↳ ... I don’t think anyone does... not even myself...

[prismctics]

🗺️ - What languages do they speak? (all!)

Flavia - Flavia was actually raised in a bilingual household. Her father’s native language is French and her mother’s is Korean. English she just naturally picked up by being exposed to it whenever they weren’t at home.

JJ - Please. The boy can barely speak English. How do you expect him to know a second language?

Vinnie - He’s the kid of Italian immigrants, so naturally, boy knows Italian. He’s maybe a little more fluent in English, but speaking Italian just feels better, somehow.

Marsha - Her mother tongue isn’t actually English! She grew up speaking Scottish Gaelic and only really learned English once she started attending Hogwarts. Today, she is quite a bit more comfortable in English.

Lip - The Burke’s are quite traditional. That’s why growing up, Lip picked up not only English, but also Welsh and Gaelic. Despite her best efforts, her parents also had quite the influence on her when she was a kid, so they also made her learn French. Obviously, since any good pureblood girl should know that language.

Tic - As far as most people know, Tic only speaks English. He is however also fluent in mandarin. It’s just that now with all his family gone, he doesn’t really get to speak it anymore.

Remus - Remus is such a god damn fucking nerd. Kid taught himself Latin. For fun?? Who does that? And WHY?

[kwon-eunbi]

I do not miss the constant deadlines of academia at all. Like, I loved going to class and learning and filling my head with interesting things, but the stress of deadlines and exams were awful. Being a librarian would be so amazing, would you want to work in a small library or a big one? Or like a community library or an academic one?

It was actually for Chinese linguistics, it was about tracing modern languages back to Middle Chinese and untangling how they evolved. I speak Mandarin, Russian, and English, and I’m supposed to speak French, but I don’t, don’t tell anyone. I lived in Paris and my dad’s partner is French Canadian, but I can only kind of read it. I love learning languages, though, I started Korean for an ex (when we were together ofc) and even though that’s over I keep going back to it because I enjoy the puzzle of sentence construction.

It's a good cover! Sounds basically the opposite of Wooyoung’s, and yet I think both of them capture the emotions of the song and lyrics in different ways.

I have such a soft spot for “Say My Name”, it was when I started listening to them, and I was like look at these kiddos going WILD. “Bad bitch, watch her do coke” indeed! But I do love when Hongjoong dresses fashionably but in an artsy way, if that makes sense, where he uses looks that aren’t exactly pretty as part of his performance, like the mullet in 2019. But honestly he’s just a crazy good performer, he could wear a paper bag and I’d be applauding wildly like YES king you are SO right. And Wooyoung with his little brother vibes off the chart through the whole era (and every other era tbh).

I like their melodic songs a lot, when I get frustrated with a piece on violin, I’ll play a little kpop song as a reset for fun, and “Precious”, “Horizon” and “Inception” are all go-to songs for that. But when I listen to their more melodic songs, I’m digging through there for the harmonies cause I just find those so much more interesting, when San finally gave in and started modulating in their performances of “Turbulence” on It’s Live? Ohhh those got me. He said no tritones on my watch! I might prefer their less pretty music tho? Like “Fireworks” or “Deja Vu” or “The Real”. I don’t know, but there’s not really a wrong answer.

For “Guerilla”, I joked that I wanted a nardcore comeback, my friends told me to be realistic, I said well now I’m gonna speak it into existence, and when Jason Sears possessed Mingi for those thirty seconds I went back to them like What Did You Say To Me. I think I would have liked it more with less pitch correction but I’m very annoying about punk music so ignore me.

I’ll check out Lucifer then! I need a new show for my cardio workouts, and if there’s five seasons then it’ll last a while. I remember what I saw of it was that it was a fun show, and I love a good monster-of-the-week show, so it’ll be great for those early mornings.

Thanks for letting me ramble haha I love talking about music. I hope you’re resting well and getting lots of sleep.

--🎅

hiiiii, sorry for not responding sooner, i didn't have time to sit down and respond properly bc yk uni and my friend came to stay with me so it's just been hectic lmaoo (i literally open tumblr, reblog the first gifset on my dash i see and close it), but how are you doing?? i hope well!! <33

ahhh i so get you about the deadlines. i enjoy going to lectures the first few weeks of the semester too but then i just... get bored of it and i just wanna skip them all but most of them check attendance so i can't skip too much :(( honestly i would just love to work in a library, idec which one just one yk, but in this economy and yk libraries not being such popular places anymore, i would be lucky to land a job anywhere....

omgggg that sounds sooo interesting!! i really love chinese but i don't think i would ever attempt to learn it cause honestly my brain isn't equipped for that so i truly admire you for not only knowing it but also studying its linguistics wow!! and ohh damn you speak russian too, well yk we could understand each other on basic levels cause my mother tongue is croatian. and yess, korean is so fun to study, i really wish i had more time to dedicate to it.

ohhh so you're basically a "veteran" atiny, love that! omg yess hongjoong and his fashion sense and his painted pinkie ahhhh it's amazing trulyyyy, and i agree he's an amazing perfomer, honestly all of ateez are, they're just crazy good it's insane!!

OMG YOU PLAY THE VIOLIN???!? wooow!! i love violin so much i always wanted to learn to play it wow you're truly so talented wowww!! and honestly i agree with you on it all! they truly have a discography to fit your every mood like no joke! btwww did you see the teasers for the new cb??? i caaant wait tho i am a bit disappointed that we're getting only two new songs but yk they've been working too hard this year i wasn't expecting a cb yet anyway but i'm definitely going to enjoy it fully!!

broo i love punk/rock/alternative in general so i'm really loving all of these new songs, like since rocky i was just AHHHH YESSS this is what i needed!! yk even tho i do love their more melodic songs, i hope they go in this punk direction a little longer cause it suits them so well and i definitely love the songs

yess lucifer is amazing and yk some seasons have more eps so it would definitely last you a while hahah

and feel free to ramble whenever you want! soon in the dms too hehe and again sorry for not responding sooner! i hope you're doing well too and getting rest <333

[iflyaway]

I just finished watching a Taiwanese drama. The reason I started was because I wanted to practice my mandarin because I’ve been watching too many Korean dramas and I have only been speaking English in my life. But I got hooked onto the story. The overall quality of the drama wasn’t even that good. There’s nothing ground breaking, no top cinematography, no interesting twist in plot. It was just a rom com that girls like to watch. Some scenes were so slow and there were so many flash backs that got repetitive. But yet. They conveyed the stories and emotions that I feel about my life and my friends. There was nothing special about the plot or the story, but I find myself gravitating towards this story because it was so every day life. 

I think of my life as a drama. Or maybe because I watch so many dramas, I want my life to be one. When I turned 30, I said I was going to live a beautiful life. I said I was not going to worry about my plans and trust in You. I said I was going to not let the past hold me down and that I will not be troubled like I was in my 20s. 6 months has past and living this first year of being 30 was not easy. I cried many times because of work. I felt so stressed, so pressed in. I felt so lost in direction and I keep wanting to leave but not really sure leaving for what. My old childhood insecurities are still living with me and I have anxiety when socializing with my co workers. I hate certain parts of myself and am disgusted when I show negative parts of myself to my friends. My friends around me are buying houses, getting married, moving cities, giving birth. Everyone is going somewhere, except for me. I’m not moving. I’m still where I am. You asked me to stay and I did. But I’m not happy. I’m very grateful for my apartment and for the experiences I have had in my life, but I’m not fulfilled nor satisfied. I think I want something more? No not more. Some different? Is there enough of You for me to be fulfilled? I should be fulfilled even though I am lacking because You provide for me and You are the sustainer of my life. 

It occurred to me that if I want the married life and the life with kids, this drama I am living in might come to an end. I might not be able to romanticize about my life anymore. I think about it and I ask myself is that okay? I think I would say yes, I would do anything for it. But is that actually true? What do I really want? What is the true yes in my life? 

I tried hard to get rid of the guilt I felt and the turmoil of dating a non-Christian boyfriend. But since this “him”, there were so many more that came after. I liked them because of this fleeting feeling and an electrifying connection that I had when talking to them. It feels embarrassing to admit. And I can’t believe that even up to this last November and December, I kissed someone I shouldn’t. And I said to You and I prayed very hard for that to be the last him. But another “him” had spawn again. Is there something wrong with my heart? Why is it so bent? Why can’t I like the people that I should like? I let myself do what I wanted last November and December and I got hurt. What am I doing wrong? 

Today I talked with my Christian friend and she spoke my heart. She spoke my feelings and my circumstance. She told me that a friend of hers prayed every year that she would get married in November. I think one of the reasons it is so hard to pray for this is because it hurts my pride to be so desperate. I wish I was different that I didn’t need this and that I only needed You. I wish I could be above what the human heart desires. But I have to admit that I am not. I am just liked any other human who have desires to be loved, to build a family and to live a fulfilled life on this earth. 

My heart wants to pray for this person to show up in my life who will fix my lack of self discipline, who would help me live a healthy rhythmic life that showers when it is time to and eat when it is time to. Someone who believes in volunteering and giving back to the community. Someone who also wants to learn more about the bible by studying it. Someone who would listen to all the thoughts that are in my head. Someone who will entertain the romance in my life. Someone who will be kind to me. Someone who will be patient with me. Someone who will hug me when I am anxious. Someone who will love me a lot. 

And I think to myself, isn’t this God? If not You who else can it be? Why am I still asking for a person? Why isn’t that knowing You are a loving Father who can give me all that enough? Yet still, I ask for a broken person. And even if this person shows up in my life, will I even recognize him? 

Although I am not the only one being asked the question, so? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you dating anyone? Is there anyone in your life? I am tired of answering it. Can the answer come soon? Where I can finally say, yes I have a boyfriend and yes we are getting married soon. And yes, we are living a good life. This painful desire of mine magnifies when I am asked this question by my friends. God, can we finally fill this pain? Can we address this somehow? I wish for this person, but if he isn’t going to show up can You just take this desire away from me? It is too painful to continue living this way. 

[love-arah]

kpop

For years now I’ve wondered what it is about this genre that millions of people around the world have gravitated to. As someone who has consumed this genre in my early teens and then stopped - I’ve recently gotten back into it in my mid 20s. All I can say is that it has evolved into a life of its own and it is quality content. That’s what we do nowadays, we consume. We consume food, content, air - I would say actively participating are things like physical activities (working out, etc), events and socialising. When Covid hit and all we could really do is consume, we all started raising our standards. Not just for what we consume but for our values and what everything stands for. How can we make the world a better place after such a devastating turmoil? I started looking at the things I consumed. The food I ate, the content I watched and listened to. I started raising my standards. While I’m not putting a culture divide between Korean/Asian and western content because you shouldn’t really compare those two things. I started broadening my horizons. I was settling for repetitive, tone-dead content anymore. Kpop came in like a breath of fresh air to me. It woke me up. Not just kpop but krnb, kfashion, kdrama and even Japanese content. I spent my whole life growing up on Westeen culture because that what was available to me as an immigrant second generation child in Hong Kong that predominantly speaks Cantonese and Mandarine.

Content in Hong Kong remained bland for years and have only begun opening up. There have been points of light (especially early Hong Kong cinema) and music. But creativity is almost banned in Hong Kong in favour of stem. But even then, they’re corporate STEM that refuses to acknowledge and nurture growth. It’s disappointing. Specifically Kpop has been so encouraging in rediscovering myself and making my reality more fun. It’s so welcoming and while I don’t fully agree with idol culture and the kpop industry as a whole, especially some management companies specifically - I can’t deny their values of hard-work, creativity and passion. Traits that I feel like I never grew up encouraged with and have lost greatly due to the pandemic. We all need vision, things to look forward to and people to inspire us. But the greatest art comes from within that’s awakened by the apple of our eye. I am grateful.