#manners matter people

[ruthlesslistener]

if you know npd is a real disorder than why would you still use narcissistic as an insult.

because he a.) fits literally all the symptoms of the disorder, which abuses us with despite literal years of people telling him he needs to be better and how, and b.) the term being used to describe an inflated sense of self-importance existed before the description of the disorder did, AND I specified that I'm aware that people with the disorder are not automatically abusers but that in this case he is.

[calamarispiderart]

i dont usually write out my personal story interpretations and headcanons of things (i like to draw out the concepts and hope it comes across--most of my words are kept to discord and such) but ive been thinking on my interpretation of hearts blindness and figured its worth sharing here! especially because, from what i understand my view on this is perhaps not in the majority.

ive done a comic relating to this (which ill reblog for further reference) but i personally see hearts blindness as something actively and willfully chosen and caused by heart himself--metaphorically, representing his own avoidance and distorted perception of the reality they live in. a mix of him not wanting to acknowledge it all (consigning himself to apathy) and something like rose tinted lenses... but the lenses are instead a fuzzy, tunneled and dim vision that doesnt provide him the full picture.

a key aspect of my interpretation is that heart actively chose to alter his vision (perception) in this way, AND that it is a permanent shift. its something he learns to work and function with. (this also represents how you cant undo change; you can only learn to live with the new shift in your being). i personally.... really dislike the idea of his blindness being a punishment, and thematically i find him choosing to blind himself far more in line with hearts motivations. hes the sort to do something like that without thinking through the consequences because it helps him cope in the moment.

when it comes to the way in which hearts blindness manifests, i personally hc him having a mix of tunnel vision, light sensitivity (exacerbated and aided by the blindfold), some blind spots (i cant remember the exact name but... spots of vision that are just gone) along with visual snow and floaters. the last two are mostly because i have those and i want to project B:•P

umm but yeah! those are my thoughts on the matter, feel free to add to thoughts if you guys have any!

[artanogon]

thinking more about being trans

[cosmikazie]

i hate that "let people have fun" has become such a goddamn dogwhistle word to me in fandom spaces that i have to be suspicious about people who say it. like yeah you're not wrong but half the people i've seen who use it are really weird about child characters or siblings or some shit of a similar caliber and it's like. huh. so that's why you're saying that

[royalreef]

@infernalpursuit inquired: how does your muse react when they're scared? does it change, depending on what is currenly scaring them?

(( Oh, absolutely it depends on what's currently scaring her!

The thing you have to understand about Miranda is that she's less of a person, in the sense that her personality and reactions are organic and naturally occurring, and moreso that she's someone who has been so intensely groomed and micro-managed and pushed in such a specific direction that a lot of the way that she is is entirely on purpose.

Her personality isn't really a natural product of her birth nor her circumstance in the same way someone else's personality might be. It's more like... There's no way that people can go through something like what she had gone through and not turn out in a very similar way to her. It's a designed process in this way, something that very intentionally obliterates any other chance to be anything else, and makes becoming this highly specific mold of a person into a life-or-death matter, something that you can't will or whim or nature your way out of. Miranda is the way that she is because she's been intentionally ground down and shredded into the person that she is. She doesn't really have a concrete sense of self. She doesn't even really know who she is. She's not supposed to, she's just supposed to be a means to serve a singular purpose and a singular end, and all she even can comprehend doing is that purpose.

Fear is a major part of this process, this total obliteration of any other mere possibility, but I also feel like it's a little disingenuous to call it fear in the same way most people would relate to it. It's the kind of fear that's so big and bone-deep and constant that it stops really feeling like fear at all, the kind of thing that Miranda herself has a very hard time of realizing that she's feeling even when it's particularly bad.

It might be more accurate to call it getting locked into a constant state of flight-or-fight. It's a constant existential threat where Miranda is sincerely and totally convinced that she could die at any moment and anyone could hurt her as much as they wanted, constantly living solely in the very present and unable to think of what even a short distance ahead in time would be like, because she just never feels comfortable or secure enough to stop thinking of the right now. She's what happens when the fear has been intensified strongly enough that it never dips below what would be debilitating for anyone else, and thus has become wildly detached to her own body, physical harm to her body, threats to her own life, or any escalation of fear.

This is, in fact, one of the things that I worry about disappointing roleplay partners with at times! Because their muse will act scary or try to frighten Miranda, and it just doesn't work. She just doesn't respond to the situation in a measurably different way than how she normally does, because she's under so much constant stress and strain and terror that it's not really any different to her than how everything else already is.

The only real times when she starts to show it, in fact, are places where her aversion and fear of them have been specifically cultivated. Miranda is a tool, and a tool doesn't break under expected strain, but you do have to be able to sharpen it and make sure it remains useful. You do have to take it apart to do maintenance on it, make sure it's working. The points where Miranda starts to actually, sincerely, show her genuine fear and terror, are during these points and in these situations where her aversion of them can be used to punish her and make sure she's being redirected in the proper direction.

In which case, Miranda's fear response is also highly specific and the only real option that other people who have gone through it come out with.

Mostly, she freezes up. She starts fawning hard. She lets it happen, over and over and over again until the object of her fear goes away, because it's going to be easier if she doesn't fight back or resist. She starts disassociating, disconnecting from her body and her thoughts, forgetting where she is or what's happening to her, because then she doesn't have to be present to register it and the memories are easier to repress later. She starts to people-please, trying to make the object of her fear happy and content them, because doing what they tell her to do and making them happy makes it not last as long. If she just does what they want her to, then they won't hurt her as much. If she just listens when she's told, then she won't get punished as much.

The end result is that she's very... robotic, in a sense. She does what she is told, to the letter. She will do what she is told, and she will not fuss or cry or cause any further problems if it also hurts her as well. She will be good, because the only choice other than being good is total obliteration. They should tell her what to do. They should make her do what they want her to do. It's okay that she's not there, or it's hurting her. It's even better if that happens, in fact, because then it's not as bad. She will not mention it after the fact, she will not hold it against them, she will not upset them again. She will be good. She was designed to be good.

Which, again, is part of why Miranda's fear response can be so inappropriate sometimes... Because she's been cultivated this way, because other people punishing her is so ingrained into her mind as a fundamental way of being, very often she will pick the seemingly much scarier or painful option over that cultivated social fear. She will happily hurt herself for someone else, and she will not be afraid of it, or be very upset at all. She will happily do many frightening things and deal with things that anyone else wouldn't be able to, because she's already locked into a permanent state of terror, and the only exception would be what happens if she doesn't do this. She's a tool. The only thing a tool has to fear is not fulfilling its purpose.

It's why she keeps doing increasingly dangerous things, too, seemingly without regard to her own life or death. Fear is an adaptation which allowed living things to avoid situations and things that were dangerous to them. Because Miranda's fear is constant and always at its peak, she doesn't register minor fluctuations to it, nor does she have it to try and get her to avoid things that might or will hurt her. It's also why her pain response is so bizarre and detached, and doesn't take very many efforts to avoid pain in general.

It also means, too, is that the potential for other people accidentally setting off or triggering this particular type of cultivated fear is very high, basically intentionally so. She has to be easy to control and redirect as needed, after all. If someone else gets close to her, gets her in an intimate situation similar to how she was cultivated to respond to punishment, then she can very easily get locked into a loop that they didn't know they were setting off. She's not in the state of mind to notice contradictions or try and correct herself, let alone notice if something is wrong, so nothing she can do can stop this from happening beyond general discouragement from those situations.

It just also means that it can be rather upsetting for other people when they notice that Miranda's immediate fear response, in wholly out-of-proportion situations, is to just sit there and take it without protest, even to the point of seemingly not reacting to someone nearly killing her if they do it in the right way.

[sincerely-sofie]

How would Sen react if she found/met someone that was a human, that had been turned into one of the artificially made constructs like her?

She’d be jealous of them for having an excuse to be broken.

[tigergendermoved2tigergender]

Remembering the toxic hellscape that was 2015-2019ish SU fandom and just how much hate the show got is really insane when you rewatch the show after it's been a while. Like the show is good what the hell were any of these people talking about

[raylangivins]

i think yous need to learn to embrace horrific musician biopic casting more. it's hollywood. they're gonna cast some white boy of the month no matter what, sorry. but sometimes....sometimes a guy gets posessed by the voice of elvis presley. there is much beauty in this world, for those with open hearts. amen.

[ocpdzim]

tbh my advice to other disabled people is Don’t Be Afraid To Be An Asshole Sometimes. like not unprovoked but if people are bothering you. you may think “he probably doesn’t mean anything by it” and maybe you’re even right, but if you’re enough of a pain in the ass about it then people learn not to be ableist next time and it doesn’t actually hurt them any aside from momentarily feeling horribly awkward. grill ME on why i’m sitting down at an event where most people stand up and you get my whole medical history in painstaking detail loud enough for everyone nearby to hear our conversation. and the bonus of this is it flips an interaction that would otherwise be upsetting and embarrassing to you back around onto the dick who tried to make you feel that way. it’s your turn to feel like you’ve personally fucked up the vibe at the whole party now, dipshit

[dykeogenes]

i don't hate anyone as a matter of principle but if you're coughing on public transit without a mask on you are testing that principle in the strongest possible sense.

[thedeafprophet]

The thing with body horror and gorey visuals is they usually don't bother me as much so long as I'm warned ahead of time and chose to see them. If I've mentally prepared to sit down to watch a movie I know has grotesque imagery, or I click past a filter tag, I know what I'm getting into and I'm prepared for that

It's just when I'm casually scrolling on things or clicking into a game I'd had no prior expectation with this content that it can be upsetting.

[butchriptide]

Urges to script out a small comic piece as a partial rewrite/reimagining sort for arc 2's epilogue, versus the fact that I will likely never actually finish it...

[vampiresuns]

having a tav that's a Lloth-sworn life domain cleric of a noble background who before getting yeeted into the nautiloid was a sacrificial priestess (gn) during one of the cycles of Drow society and had their own altar and temple under their care, means Solune would have the most insane however many minutes they spent interacting with Minthara and I am obsessed about it. As far as I'm conceptualising it, I'm thinking of Lloth as extremely Ungoliant-like. Goddess of hunger, goddess of wanting and consumption, goddess of excess and exuberance, goddess who unmasked the hypocritical gods of starvation, guilt and purity into a society that cherishes a certain kind of clarity about the double standard they impose. For Drow are evil for their wars and their wanting and their taking, but those other people with their other gods kill, warmonger and enslave with no regard and no self-awareness, calling the indignation about receiving scraps from a bunch of silent, unrepentant gods, "guilt and shame". There is violence in denial and her Children will not suffer it.

In the season of Life, they do not sacrifice the unwilling. It is taboo. The only sacrifice that matters is the desire to be devoured and destroyed by the things you love the most.

And Solune sees Minthara and is like fucking finally, someone rational enough to get what I'm going through, that they're losing their mind that their life was taken from them and if they become this other thing, if they transform, if they do not remain Luxe Solune Mizzmyrra, Life Knife of Lloth, they're never going to be able to be reintegrated into that life. They will die away from home, from their temple, from their (first) spouse, from their mother and their siblings and there won't be the day when they too succumb to the knife, when it is time, when the day they no longer feel hunger comes.

And then the parasite gives them an in into Minthara thinking she was raised from the darkness into a FALSE GOD? One thing you do not do is steal from Lady Lloth, and oh my god, there could've been a time, a chance that existed only in ignorance, of Solune lending a hand to Minthara but this to them is unforgivable because Solune is genuinely a good friend to their friends, but if you keep peeking into whatever mindset nobility and religious authority has given them it's like realising your friend is a cesspool of "what the actual and everliving fuck", and when the knife of the morningstar priestess comes down on Minthara it won't be with love but with absolute rage, grief and disgust and I will be thinking about this for evermore. Thanks, I'm not well

[orcelito]

Also remembering that I get to write wolfwood next chapter and I'm a widdle nervous bc this is a Big Moment and I only wrote him a little bit with Sentido and it's been 8 months since then

But im also REALLY excited bc I get to finally (FINALLY) start executing the vashwood concepts I'd thought up at the damned START of this fic

So much relationship development to get to. So much Wolfwood to get to. Very exciting things.

[lasplaga]

𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄: 𝐉𝐔𝐋𝐘 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

I have a raffle vacation upcoming as well as a family reunion, so these next few weekends, I may be sparse / unavailable. I'm still applying for remote positions, disability, & making what money I can on the side, but otherwise, I should be able to crack at my drafts 2-3 days per week.

Update as of 7/7/24: I have received a voluntary remote position! I don't know how my roleplay activity will be affected yet, but I will now be working full time until otherwise noted! Please anticipate OOC & IC responses to be slower as a precaution!

𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐅𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄:

I have a work in progress Discord server, but I'm going to wait to release it until I'm more 'around' for short-form interactions & group plotting ( which is what I can't really do at the moment ). I'm still working on a plot, which is my biggest hurdle at the moment. In terms of other servers off Tumblr, I appreciate any invitations & interest for my canon addition, but please make sure to check out my rules & dynamics / relationships page BEFORE considering my portrayal. There's a few things I'm not willing to bend on at the moment. Right now, I'm really hyper-focused on writing explicit, dark, abusive & gruesome content, roleplay scenarios that I see commonly banned / censored in groups. Much of it would fall under triggering, distressing or upsetting material, needing a DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT marker warning. When this hyper-fixation settles & when I'll enjoy more unserious interactions on Discord again, we'll see. But, I have been missing writing my CC as an evil missionary for quite some time, in an environment where he is appropriately feared & treated seriously.

[leieryx]

god I am so TIRED of being a model minority sometimes