#mars in cancer has me FEELIN

[serpientesuenos]

but on another note... anyone else been crying a lot???

[uraplutass]

Astro Notes 🌚

for a lil baby summary of a persons chart, I look at their moon, sun, mars, ic and mc. I also take a note if their mercury and sun are different, or if they have a super aspected planeto or some sorta funky chart shape (eg I have a bucket, so I would also look at the bucket handle) so the way I would summarize my chart is Leo 🌝, Pisces ☀️ , Aries mars , sag ic, and Gemini mc, with a bucket handle on Pluto in sag in the third. I also like to use this method to find the element mix in someone’s chart bc I don’t really give too many shits if your two of your outer planets are in earth signs

Unless you have other things messing with it, I tend to find that the people who piss u off the most are people who’s dominant signs are those square your mars. por e fuckin jemplo, my mars is in aries, and I REAAAALLY got some THOUGHTS about the cancer and cap dominant ppl in my life. my budderoos mars is in cancer and every other second she delivering some feisty feelins about aries and libra people. For another one of our friends, who has her mars in gemini, she defs has some serious opinions about virgos, but actually doesn’t really mind pisces doms, which I put down to her cancer rising emphasizing her moon in pisces

I almost always find a persons moon to be more important than their sun. I wanna know what your emotions say you need, not whatever your ego says.

on the same schnickering vine, i think ic and Mc are more important than your rising. I care way more about what your childhood was like and how that pushed you to grow than yo goddamn rising. #SeeYaLaterBigThree It also kinda cracks me up the way risings are described, like their some first impression giver that haunts you forever. they’re actually pretty chill. as someone who’s sun is opposite their rising (rising virg fishy sun), I learned pretty early on that people’s first impressions of me were not how I actually felt about myself, so I learned to speak as I normally would around people when I first meet em and now my Plutonian Leo bud (who I met earlier this year) frequently tells me when she first met me she thought I was leo. Ik this prolly sounds like a personal tirade against risings, but in my experience talking to people and looking at their charts, I’ve found that while risings are rather hit or miss, ic and Mc is almost never off.

Side note: Because leo is also my twelfth house/moon, I’m wondering if people’s ascendants as they grow older tend to develop a flavor of their twelfth as they grow to accept those traits, but I think that would prolly depend on the circumstances.

Look at Venus for how you are in deep relationships, not just romantic ones. For most things sexual, I tend to find that mars is more involved than Venus, but for deep partnerships (friendships 😍, serious relationships) your Venus will fosho be involved

If you wanna know how you flirt, how you are sexually, how you are in the beginning of a relationship, look to your MARS, and then also oc it’s house, house rules, fifth house

Certain signs are more accepting of their emotional sides and therefore tend to identify more with their moon signs. In general, I would say water signs, starting with pisces, and mutables in general are more willing to accept their emotional sides, with earth and air being more wary of this less controllable side of their personalities. Obviously if there are unhappy aspects between the sun and the moon, this can overrule that, but in general I find this to be true.

hope you enjoyed these feel free to send any requests or asks ❤️

[professorpalmarosa]

Feelin’ Lava-ly (Maxie - Team Magma)

I wanted Maxie’s blend to be spicy, but also earthy. Since I used Cassia Cinnamon as the key ingredient in Martian to a Different Drum (my blend for Commander Mars of Team Galactic), I vowed I wasn’t going to use it. It was much too sweet for Team Magma’s boss, anyway!

I selected Myrrh (a sap-like tree resin with an amber-like smell) as my main oil for the blend. Frankincense (its more famous cousin) blends with virtually everything. Myrrh’s a bit more peppery and doesn’t play as nicely with as many smells.

Originally, I wanted to use Ginger (for its warm, earthy smell) in the blend, but opted instead to use one of its lesser known cousins: Finger Root. Finger Root smells a bit earthier and paired nicely with the Myrrh.

By this point, the blend smelled bitter and like a bunch of dried roots. I needed to give it a bit more spice and heat to round it out! I used about 10 drops of Red Thyme to add some “flavor” to the blend, and then proceeded to christen the rest of the blend with CO2 supercritical Turmeric.

(And if you don’t know what CO2 Supercritical means, that’s okay. It’s just a process that makes a stronger, purer, more intense oil with a longer shelf life).

The Myrrh and Turmeric are what you smell predominantly in the blend. Once it hits the water, it’s a gorgeous rich crimson. Imagine you’re bathing in a hot tub of lava, or the blood of your Team Aqua enemies.

Now it’s time to talk about the pros and cons of these oils from a safety perspective…

Aromatherapy isn’t just about pretty smells and scented bath water. Essential oils are in such a high concentration that even absorbing them through your skin can leave you with the therapeutic (and potentially toxic) benefits.

If you are allergic to a plant, you are 100% without question going to be super allergic to the essential oil.

There’s also such a thing as contraindications: where some oils may affect you in weird ways if you have a certain medical condition or take certain medications.

The information below is for your safety if you want to attempt to make this blend at home (as a bath bomb, a body spray, or even scented bath salts). And do be sure to wear gloves. Some of these oils have recommended dilution rates as small as 0.4%. You don’t want that to slide on bare skin!

Myrrh Essential Oil (40% of Synergy)

Myrrh (like Elemi and Frankincense) is a resin that comes out of cuts in the bark of Commiphora trees. It’s primarily used to make medicine and is one of the most ancient (and most purchased) essential oils on the planet.

For Christians, the name may sound familiar. Myrrh was one of the three gifts provided to the baby Jesus by the Three Kings. It was a symbolic gift, seeing as myrrh was used (at the time) for embalming purposes. Pros: Myrrh is used to treat stomach problems (indigestion, ulcers), respiratory problems (cough, asthma, colds), pain problems (arthritis), cancer, leprosy, spasms, and even syphilis. You can also use it as a stimulant and to increase menstrual flow (making it perfect for cramps and endometriosis).

With a carrier oil, myrrh can be applied to sores, wounds, boils, and abrasions. It cuts down on inflammation. It’s one of my all-time favorites for my occasional fibromyalgia flares. Myrrh digs in deep and melts the aches and pains away!

Cons: Myrrh has several potential health warnings, so please read this section with care.

Some people experience nausea when exposed to myrrh. If ingested (not that you should EVER take essential oils internally without your doctor’s recommendation), myrrh can cause diarrhea.

Although small doses are considered safe for the general public, excessive use and abuse of the oil could result in heart and kidney complications.

If you are pregnant or breast-feeding, avoid using Myrrh Essential Oil until your baby is safely weaned. Myrrh stimulates menstrual flow and may cause a miscarriage. Breast-feeding parents should avoid myrrh, since it’s not a baby-safe oil.

If you are diabetic or taking diabetic medication, you need to understand that Myrrh Essential Oil might lower your blood sugar. Please monitor your blood sugar carefully if you’re using this oil.

If you have heart problems, large amounts of myrrh may impact your heart rate (and not in a good way). Get your healthcare provider’s advice before using this essential oil.

If you plan to have surgery in the next 2 weeks, avoid using Myrrh Essential Oil. Myrrh might interfere with blood glucose control during and after surgery.

If you have a uterine bleeding condition, exercise caution when using Myrrh Essential Oil, as it may worsen your condition.

Lastly, Warfarin (Coumadin) interacts with Myrrh. This drug is used to slow blood clotting. Using Myrrh Essential Oil on the regular might decrease how well warfarin (Coumadin) works and could increase the chance of blood clotting.

Turmeric Essential Oil (25% of Synergy)

If you aren’t familiar with Turmeric, you may be familiar with its smell: as it is the key ingredient in curry and many Indian cuisines. It has a spicy, savory, and flavorful aroma that makes you think of hot foods.

Pros:

Turmeric has wonderful pain relief properties! People can use it for joint pain, arthritis, abdominal pain, fibromyalgia, headaches, and menstrual cramps. I’ll add it to my lotion on cramping days, but I’ve been holding off on it lately because I’m trying to lose a little weight and Turmeric makes me hungry.

Relieve digestive upset! It’s great for constipation, diarrhea, intestinal gas, nausea, and loss of appetite. If you’re feeling a little queasy, Turmeric might be your new best friend.

Reduce inflammation! Bloat, retained water, bladder inflammation—Turmeric is here to help you!

Cons:

If you suffer from gallbladder problems, you may want to avoid using Turmeric essential oil, as it may worsen your condition.

Curcurmin (a chemical inside Turmeric) may lower your blood sugar. If you are diabetic, you may want to exercise caution when using this essential oil for prolonged periods. Be sure your blood sugar looks good to go before you use the bath bomb.

Turmeric essential oil may slow blood clotting. If you are taking blood thinners, this blend may not be for you. Also, if you are going to have surgery in the next couple of weeks or just had surgery, don’t use this oil.

Although Turmeric essential oil is considered generally safe, some people have complained about diarrhea when exposed to large quantities. This bath bomb shouldn’t do that to you.

If you have any estrogen or hormone-related conditions (such as breast cancer), don’t use this oil.

Finger Root Essential Oil (20% of Synergy)

Finger Root is a cousin to Ginger and has a slightly earthier smell. It’s also more camphorous than Ginger, as well as has a mildly floral after-scent.

Pros:

Like Ginger, Finger Root works wonders for nausea and digestive upset. If you’re feeling a little queasy and ginger doesn’t do the trick, maybe consider giving finger root a try!

Finger Root is a calming aroma, and works well for meditation, stress relief, and anger management.

Finger Root has decongestant properties and may be able to help you if you’ve got a stuffy nose, any type of nasal drip, or a sinus-related headache.

Finger Root works wonders for your hair and scalp, too. If you suffer from dry winter skin or a flaky scalp, consider putting a drop or two of this essential oil into your shampoo or conditioner!

Cons:

Due to its elevated camphor content, this is not a cat-safe essential oil.

Finger Root may increase your insulin levels, so monitor your blood sugar carefully if you are diabetic or on diabetes-related medications.

Very high dosages of Finger Root may worsen some heart conditions, but bathing in a bath powder shouldn’t be enough to trigger this kind of reaction.

Prolonged usage of Finger Root may increase your risk of bleeding.

A small percentage of the population have reported a dermal sensitivity to Finger Root, but it is generally considered to be universally safe.

Red Thyme Essential Oil (15% of Synergy)

Red Thyme has an unforgettable, warm, herbal smell reminiscent of a dry rub or your first real scents of autumn air. It conjures up thoughts of walking through a forest full of dead, dry leaves on the first cold evening of the season.

Pros:

The medical benefits of Thyme have been known to the Mediterranean part of the world for thousands of years. It is also a commonly prescribed herb in Ayurvedic Medicine.

Alleviate several illnesses! Red Thyme can be used to relieve and reduce the impact of chronic ailments such as gout, chronic fatigue syndrome, menstrual and menopausal problems, and athlete’s foot. It’s also a lovely hangover cure.

It has antidepressant properties! Red Thyme has an anti-anxiety component to its chemical makeup. When diffused or applied with a carrier oil, it can reduce the impact of depression, strengthen cognition, and calm jittery nerves.

It’s an asthma-safe oil and works wonders on respiratory problems! Got a nasty autumn cough you can’t shake? What about the early signs of a sore throat? Red Thyme may be able to help you. It certainly does for me!

Improve your skin! Red Thyme can reduce the amount of sebum your pores extract, meaning it can reduce your chances for acne or sebaceous cysts. It can clear up oily skin, as well as speed up the healing process for scars. As for aged skin, Red Thyme is a wonderful toner.

Reduce hair loss! Red Thyme, when added to shampoos and other hair products, can reduce or even prevent hair loss for some people.

It can be used to improve your oral health! Like Peppermint, Spearmint, Eucalyptus, Rosemary, Lemon, and Wintergreen, Red Thyme Essential Oil can be added to a mouthwash or oral rinse to fix bad breath and improve the health of your gums.

Bugs HATE Red Thyme, so keep the creepy-crawlies at bay! Mosquitoes, lice, moths, ticks, and fleas in particular hate Red Thyme. That said, I really wish roaches were on that list. Your best oil for that is still Peppermint.

Cons

The good news is that there are very few side effects to Red Thyme Essential Oil. It is generally safe for most people to use, but it’s never a bad idea to first consult your physician before adding essential oils to your daily health routine.

This is not a cat-friendly oil. In fact, Red Thyme is listed in several places as one of the worst things you can diffuse around your cat. As much as I love this essential oil, I always lock Gaius out of the room if I choose to diffuse this one.

Some people are allergic to thyme. It’s actually not that uncommon. If you are allergic to other plants in the Lamiaceae family (Basil, Sage, Rosemary, Lavender, etc.), you may have a sensitivity to Red Thyme Essential Oil. Allergies may surface as gastrointestinal issues (fussy stomach, diarrhea, nausea, or vomiting) if ingested.

If you have sensitive skin, do not apply Red Thyme neat to your skin. While Red Thyme is generally safe, some people have experienced inflammation, hives, rashes, itchiness, and redness when the oil is applied to the skin without being properly diluted with a carrier oil. The good news is that Thyme Machine contains fractionated coconut oil as a carrier. If that doesn’t dilute the Thyme enough, the bath water will.

Red Thyme is an emmenagogue and should NOT be used by pregnant women. I use Red Thyme for a number of reasons. One of them is to regulate my period, as it’s started to come a bit more slowly since I started dieting in April (every 5 weeks instead of every 4). Red Thyme has emmenagogue properties, which means that it stimulates menstruation. Menstruation is something you do not want when you’re pregnant, as it could potentially be dangerous for the fetus or trigger premature labor or a miscarriage.

Exercise caution if you have hypertension. Red Thyme can be used to increase circulation, meaning your blood pressure may rise while using this oil. If you are already dealing with hypertension or experience palpitations on the regular, Red Thyme Essential Oil might not play nicely with you.

Exercise caution if you have hyperthyroidism. Red Thyme may stimulate the thyroid gland for some people.

[failinginvestigativejournalist]

Dont freak out, itss just writing

i grew up fast (so fast) (too quick nigga) (wish i went through when i was just a bit bigger) can you tell me who the parent is uh ya the first time i drove a whip i was a fuckin kid, (96 suburban nigga) (yo yo, did you tell em why) oh ya shit my fault my mom was bleeding from her chin i dont know what from or what about, scared to death i took that drive to the ER (Medical SHIIIT) (mom got too drunk again and feel out) (wheres dad? in his room his doors locked, figures i dont expect, as i try to knock (no answer nigga) i dont blame em he removes himself from the sitiation so he dont hit her) ya i fucking grew quick, ya i fucking tryed some shit, the first time i dropped out and took some shroomies i was age 6 plus 6, thats 12 for the illiterates, actually aas a matter a fact it was fuckin pleasant as fuck as i drew back the droe and took another hit. now that i think that was the day, older brother came and gave me cig i obliged no way to say nay, i was still trippin and it was a sensational feelin, it left me stumblin and dizzy a head rush like no other i was hooked for live to the day and i dont blame him, i dont think he knew what he had started, adding to the compilation of the monsxter inside that took refuge and started, poison in his mind, the drugs altered his brain activity but he was buckled up and commited to the ride.Shit i just said in third person let me apologize to yall sometimes the ideas flow together like two fortune five mergin, these feels of hate be strong ya im hurtin, i cant blame no one, i cant choose the family i was birthed in, started sniffin ups felt my blood surgin, gotta big head but my nemisis, the evil inside myself was bigger aboutt the size of a white sturgeon, like some northern ish that canadain shit like british columbia or somethin idk, alls i can say is that BC bud out that bitch is my fav to blow, the sour D, diesel to be exact for you niggas who waana try to nit pick or correct my personal facts, let me just speak at you,  all the hatin niggas tryin bring me down, bad news, i do drugs like steve from fuckin blues clues, but my rents always on time when that xshits due, any ways i side tracked speaking of tracks just lined some shit up did with speed did with need i did it with tact, im dextrous and shit i always have a unique train of thought oh shit trains again trains derailed at this point hhaaha i crack myself up sometimes with the wit in my words leh-let you in on the pun so you can join in my fun, about the lines the lines are no more you didn arrive in time i promise these raps have rhythm they have rhyme i aint spittin to waste your time, i aint spittin to catch a dime, bag or bitch, it really dont matter, niether last long but they are still my niche, come here bitch come hit this shit, this time dont have a fit, mind over matter just stick yuh nose in these rails sit down for a bit, drink some wata, go to your happy place we are gettin to old for me to have tote on yuh just from hitten lines but i put up wit it, you got that 50 thou boat on yuh, not to mention your ride, that shit is so sweet i cant decidddee which id rather seed, as in inseminate with my seaman as i play the part as a seaman workin for seimans on a marine voyage i aint like you im a higher being, i dont know whatchu talkin whatch your eyes be seein i am a divine heathan i really cant fucking believe a niggas still breathin im a florida boy born and raised, i sit the fuck back drink my beer in the shade, high as i usually am a rinny tin tin rinscotts tale \down the rintin like a shark fin poatched by commercial fisherman thrown in a bin, no regard for life the human race is so greedy, people just aint my type, say what you want i know me best and i know im right. my creative talents on the other hand be outta sight, im my own worst enemy to cross the bridge pay the fee, trollin in the hood for that g, withdrawin, shakin i drop to my knee look up to the sky ask god if he sees. hear the sound of humming, huh must be bees, or im trippin out maybe its a flash back i dont remmember. whats th-this street, tremblin think my heat skipped a bit, or a couple shakinso bad my knes begin to buckle, anxiety can be dibilatated held me back from so much in life thers no debating. unfamiliar route. made it to this bar ordered a stout got to thinking, you may ask what about, this is why i like solitude to be on my own to answer to noone to depend on myself and live it to the fullest while im yung, my mind will reel, replaying all i know every single memory, that im capable of bringing back, i compare my brain to a file cabinet, i keep it hidden like in an office towards the back. A photographic memory is a gift and a curse, ill tell you whatat, if you dont keep it in check you will end up in a herse, sure you can remember the happy shit the good things in your life but you cant fucking forget the huge hits the fucking bad bitch the one who broke your heart? dounno how to forget you but i think i know where to start, i thought it was drugs, i numbed my body with chemicals little did i know with every shot the metaphorical shovel scooped out some more dirt from the inconcievable whole i fuckin dug. my life has been weird kinda like an opriental from a flee market an awkward rug, with no real spot in the house, was always the black sheep in the fam i tryed to tip toe as quiet as a mouse, some tom and jerry shit my mistakes and regrets cbhasing me around like tom the cat from that shit, I hide in my hidey whole, disconeected from any social environmeent i often found myself cryin, but self loathin is kinda like being a a gay with some dicks hes blowin, givin a ski job pitty is the lube hatred is the tube the vessel to carry out a deed the fags not sure about, hes experimentin comparable to some situations in my life cept wont catch me with two dudes in a shower, that was just a metaphor. you feel me? im sure the haters will hop all over that verse but just fuckinh hear me. I got my shades on and these bitches special, haters they block, they keep you no fun, sticklers out of sight out of mind like spf 75 sun block, that industrial shit, factory born hear the lunch bell on the horn, an  hour passes the busy bees come back to the floor to join the others to join the masses; the hoard., here the hum of the worker bees at work as they sneek rum in there flasks stuck it in to the hive got it past the queen time to catch a buzz to make this pain stop while i avoid the fuzz the narks at work, cant control it even if they wanted to stop. i dont want to hurt. this was a metaphor for the endless rut of a reality ive become accustomed to; succomed too, the low of the low. comparable to a german trench on the frontlines., my life feels like a conveyer belt, makin the same product running the same direction never really goiong any where, now thats was an analagy, keeping up? yung unsensitive how many? 0 fucks, 0 fucks giveen, 0 blights forgiven, spiteful to death and mornful for noone, nothing left inside just another no-go, malfunctioning product family be like feeling “ i feel like they robbed us” of our brother our son and our friend , dont worry fam im still with you in your hearts up to the end. im tired of our society with all its malice and fallacy, thinking to my self how sad it must be, to be washed in the brain to be hypnotized, this shits so insane.you want that shit super sized? of course nigga watchu you sayin. A glutonous society obsessed with self indulgence people actually still believe good people are in abundance. Speaking of which, fuck the people for a tec, have you looked around lately, this earth is a wreck, mark my words we headin straight for destruction, We are not being good care takers, we fuckckin actin so careless what doesdo the opeople in power really expect?? just pass it on to the next generation “ohh, its not our life time we will leave it for you” Thats a big fuck you to the generations after you undeserving self entitled fucks finallyy croak. get the fuck outa here, tell me when you sold your sold, you heartlesxs bastards would give anything for xsome more of that paper thgat rules all, the pressure you have put on everyone, no one is an exception, to support ourselves and loved ones to provide for our own and multiple other peoples nees, the urge to make money looms over our heads like a pestiliant storm cloud of angst and uncertainty, boreing a fucking whole in our moral, making peoplpe desperaate rising crime rates because people get desperate, people need to survive and they will do dam near whatever it takess to make the money they need, for whatever purpose.  ill whipe my ass with it throw in your cards i will win you better fold. i have freeedom, you ask what? anominity you fuckers, i can moldd my own life i have the freedomm of choosing, i certainly dont have to wait for legislation to pass a bill which you bribed for votes to do so anyways, to do something something much worse than im capabloe of ever doing, intentionally ruining the environment and turning our planet to mars just for paper with and idea (with a “hey, take our word for it, its worth something “””WE PROMISE”””” fucks) behind it not even gold bars, fuck you niggas mark my words illl bring all you mother fuckers down, ill run you fucks out of town, you hear that sound? its a train. its my passion and my determination to take you out, maybe ill use a fuckin plane? i mean its o.k. for the CIA to do it, right? Create this ridiculously elaborote ruse this plot, thyat fucking fooled all the ignorant and brainwashed americans you have already sucked in with your cancerous propaganda, kids lost to your bullshit through social media and the fucking criteria you make teachers teach young minds, we are taught from a very young age that “ huraaahh america is number one! Terrorists bad! Environmental destruction of a planet good!” how about we help some of the third woorld countries (which you know we wouldnt have to be gunning down women and children in the streets) we could just like give them the water they need? help them gentrify there communities teach them how to develop better skills, teach them more efficient ways to take advantage of their land, maybe bring some seeds to food sources that can be grown creating a bit of self sustainability that may not be indigenous but would grow in their country?? you greedy fucks just want oil, when we have enough in our reserves in alaska/canada to last north america 500 years falsey blame others, create an imaginary war “the war on terrorism, which infact is a fucking cover a false entity, to entice patriotism to loosely keep this crumbling empire together the last attempt, the only thread left in the button holding up the pants we call america, you forgot to tell the word all that shit is just whack  [ simply a meticulously pplanned and executed ploy to spur interests in the middle east, control the oil and power will return back east, return to u, Cause god knows you tax the fuck out of us for EVERYTHING especially mnother fucking gas, so we can pay for wellfare and pay for fucking solar power for rich fucks who e==inherited wealth, people who hdont know what working a day means and never will be, never had a problem, never been broke “oh shit my fucking croket set is missingg a ball” lose the pretense fuckers, you cocksuckers, arrogant low lives.. Money makes you any better then the hard working man that cover your tax breaks pay like our fucking ppolice forces (who are a bunch of ROTC drop outs with a badge and sense of power nnow being unfair and crooked taking some kind of revenge on the idea of the kids who picked on them all through out school” Motherfucker its harder to become a plumber, the learning and process is longer/more rigorous then a 6 month police academy which is fucking my lil pony world ( ith ink there is a fantasy kids show for my lil pony with their own fantasy dimension/world)compared to a military bootcamp.  A doctrine instilled to stop the spread of communisim wherever and whenever it may presenet itsxelf? when is the fighting going to stop in that area of our dying earth, thjey have been fighting eachother since lifes initial birth, what whoever was in power or in charge of trading the petroleumn to us wanted to charge an extra dollar 4 dollars  aBARREL instead of 3??? whaa you fucking greedy cunts,? so we invade and take control put there people on dog collars?? for wshat a dollar difference in productionfreedom of speech as you mothers suck the livlyhood from our home like a blood sucking leech, so careless, you know exactly what your doing, you just dont care it aint your problem your headin towardcs the end your death is brewin, well im the reaper of death cloaked in black i always get my man like a cold inwe can hardly co-exist and efficiently function. We are on world one love bob marley shit im getting tired of going throught the motions im all fucked up inside and shit. Early development can be a lynch pin. to either set a strong first corner stone, ceremonial placement of the first corner stone, free mason shit, corn and vegetable oil, so many customs and traditions are goin down a fuckin hill catch em rollin. Early  life is so fucking critical for a young kid, childrens minds are like a sponge they are looking up to their elders they are developing mentally they consume everything around them and retain more than you know, give your kids a healthy and stimulating environment and they will let there talents grow let there talents show let there brilliance flow let there inhibitions go, gone like dust in the wind, never catch em in trouble nothing, not one sin. They will begin to get older, be super organized, super focused for school, every class haxs a folder. As you watch them grow you will feel it in your heart you will fuckin kno, atleast you did this at least you used your parental guidance for good. when you die you know youll be missed, your kid dont throw fits, not one bit, hes such a chip off the old block that was cliche as fuck haha tuck em inh for bed his forhead you kiss. I just might fucking shed a tear, I cant fight this urge to drink a beer. I cant deny this fucking fear, I must look like just like headlights shinin onm a deer, jock strap aroun d my ankles, dumbfounded, look in  my eyes, perplexed, look on my face as it hits, you get a certain taste in your mouth this race is coming to a close suddenly your filled with doubht, seriously you should be care free, yuou did your duty as a parent, im jealous wish that was me, chill the fuck out go drink some fucking relaxing tea or something, sobrietyy seems to be a good mixture along with love and rationality to make a family function like a well greased machine, like a mechanisim freshly whipped down with some white lithium grease. tuned and ready to go, temped to huff the fumes and left everything go, turn your car on shut the garage door, let death grip  you, dont seem to care anymore, I cant change the past and i have no regreats, will i make it to thirty? “right over here people!” “place your bets!”, ill take my tickets to my Life Show and just scalp em make some extra cash, im already absent, so detatched;incapable of feeling. even if im there aint nothing going on emotionally in there (guarantee you im smilin an nodding i really dont give 2 fucks no more”, take that money right to the plug i promote fucking drugs not hugs, or why not both? why does the saying have to be one or the other when sxometimes its both you desire the most. Take the scalpin’ money from the tickets to the play of my life, go on down to the hood, pick up some bags mis amigos habla “Drogas” los hermanos tambien, this urge is hard to fight. Its a romance [a ritual of being, so0mething un explainable i wish i was never a part of, im always metaphorically bleeding. My poker face is strong, fuck showing weakness i alwayxs thought it was to show emotuion. wrong....... but its not, it can save your life, can \get you through, throw you a life jacket, get you out of that tide you fought, that frigid water no warmer than dry eyes.. Ive always been a loose cannon, I go with the flow, not lookin back, been chillin with the old heads they were suprisxed i could hang and, back to the point haha literally or figuratively is the question... im not gonna keep you waitin or leave yall hangin, i hate cliff hangers, make me wait 45 five minutes leave me jonesin’ its slow goin like grindin that ‘crete in the hangers polishin’ that baby out and coatin with some apoxy, its a process, i just get my drugs, whate=vers around and hit bangersz til i pass out, thatsx how my life has been goingg, i feel like im in the chambers just waiting to be gassed out. Flip the fuuckin switch you fuckin pussy end all this malcontent and hate, make itt black, eternal reest at loast.. dress me up real nice maybe a sharp vest, go through the processions and go through the motions fucking burn my body bitches, i want to be in the ocean ive always felt drawn to it, like an unexplainable,, unatainable unfakeable feeling or notion. im happiest sippin a coctail right by the ocean,  thats where you put me to rest... ill be pissed as fuck dont treat me like a fucking ruck; i beenn aroound, age is but a number, my knowledge is  vast and profound, ya thats right bitch im fuckin educated, know more tthan you will learn in your life time and im 20 years, old get what im sayin? i dont got a big heaad im actually humble,  just at my  breaking point. if i was a volcanoe you would feel the rumble; the pre-emptive signs of an eruption pre-determineed in the creator’s mind he took his divine time to find a wayy to grin away the time it took to find the book i bind when al i want is to be stress free and unwind but im the opposite wound up liike the grandfather clock i wish i could stop , the wheels are in motion the gears are set to full speed the feels keep comin i got this itch; this notion, this inkling to stop minglin, stop wastin my time with u useless fuccks. i think its time, its not the end my journey, just started this epic tale of sorrow, my feelings have departed, im fuckingg frozen over colder than ice, dry ice. cant touch me im full of hate and vice, addictive personality on a suicide mission like a ffucking missionary willing to die for his faithh,. i wish man willing to be a martyr for his religion.. ya bitch i smoke stoges in the hotel room just send the  bill to him if it comes to me itll end up in the fucking rubbish bin with a looggie on top coughin up brown shit to young for that talk, to young for heart disease pack and a half a day to try to keep my miind at ease, the stress is buildin im like a tickin time bomb, im so wound up like a clock rigged to blow mount vesuvius, a test nuke... the alarm is soundinn off. A  bright flash like a million lightning strikes, bout to pop off.. but atleast with style got my limited eddition nikes, listen to me i soound like them, listen to me bitching like a fucking fem, bottle it up, thats what society saays, male suicide is at an all time high like two polar opposites due to wed, its never gonna work im always going to be sad im always going to hurt, no fuck it, im a lock it up and throw away the key, im gonna forget about all this shit and be a fuckin G, be hardcore like the brothhers, leave bitches cryin in the street like aall our fuckin mothers, 32 degrees ferenhiet tatted on my left pec it signifies the tempture of my heart no longer warm and red, its frozen over, it hardly beats, that shit is smaler than the grinches, i turned into what they want me to be, a danger to society, getthe fuck outa myface before i shoo,t b, I got nothing to lose, living for nothing, nada, goose eggs nigga dont give a fuck reckless, no regard for life i dont give two fucks a partridge in a ghetto street, aint no merry christmas song, i like my biches thick and dirty wearin'n some fesh tomy thongs, i use em abuse and enthuse them then ruse thm excusse them fuckin confusethem "why you so distaant all of the suden" keep the vow of silence, like a monk on a holy missio, a friar on a divine quest, sending telepathic messages look into my eyes and see, get the fuck out i was never real these feelings meant nothing to me manipulator, manipulationist making up woprds never been a relationist, the masster of his craft a ventrilliquist or a puppet master you were to blind to see, mama was right just a socio path, ya bitch tell your 7 year old child that; see how long his chipper attitude lasts, im lower than nothing, not even a worm maybe i could bbe a fucking tick suckin blood, noting left of the kid i used to be, no more self worth, i cant love you when i cant love myself, how you expect me to support you when all i do is grab a spoon andd melt all the money thaat comes my way, a junkie, bum destined for an early  death and you think yous my bride to be, sorry hun you reaad me wrong, i know its hard cause bitches never know whats goin on inside my head, as i lay in bea,d staring off to somewhere, anywhere but next toyou, staring off into space thinking about my drug abuse, asking myself why, but i know the answer ready to die, but i think ill get a lapper frm one more danceer, i wanna go out in style, not som lame shit maybe go up to a mountain and stand on a cliff, look down, see wher im destined to end up as i take the safety off, finger carressing the trigger, a cool wind blows as i prepare to leave my loved ones bitter, surprised they sstayed aound thislong only ever let em down ever since i was young, never good enough always disappointing this rap comes so easily writing it like noothing, to get this off my chest as theend comes near, i shaped my own destiny i chose to die, now i chose to die here, fuk your beliefs and your faith in gods plan i took my life intomy own fucking hands, i think we all know einstiens theory of insanity, i been doin the same shit fr so long now exspectin shit to change and, i guess im insane.. i took my brilliiant, my sharp mind and put it to waste. its time to pull the inevitable, the good die young idk in this case if thats viable, im scummy i did whatever it took to get my fix to kill that pitt  in my tummy. i hurt people close, i stole from my famil.y.. its time to end it, like i caqme into the world, by myself always alone, soemthing that my father toldme that really stuck, its cynical as fuck, but he was right. he said stay out of the bullshit the groggy muck. Only lookout for yourself son, ive been arounnd awhile, [people dont give a fuck about anyone else they care only for themselves, in the end at the most critical time they will always choose them instead of some one else. We are alone in this wrld and its the hard truth jut learn not to ddepend on others while you are still in your youth, ive been fucked over to many times by people i thought i was very close to. now im out to get mines me and only me you and only you, get that fucking look on ur face sorry for beeing real and telling the truth, im trying to prepare your for whats ahead, im tryig to prevent you from depending on a brutus who will fill you with lead, stab you in the back for their own personnal gain, being to trustworthy is a heroic flaw like being egotistical, wanting to help your friends to much, being aragont ect. kryptonite to super man pease dont be batman and let it be yourr bane, bane as in the villian to let you know. im back, here are my words again not my dads, ji really do miss all the relationships i had, havent spoken to my dad in years tookk one for theteam stayed with mama dukese inj the ssplit to save faace, foir my innocent younger brothers. you know what shes also my motheer, shes not capable of surviving alone i didnt think i would abandon her ever i thought id never do that, i stuck with her out of evveryone, a family oof six she looked out for me in times of strife wish i could give her one last kiss, just shot my last 20 and i fucin missed, absesses dont matte any more i bet this 45 shoots true time for the finale,  no way i can miss, as the curtains close on my young life one last thought people really took to me, like white on rice, women were drawn to me the mystery i had them enticced, June baby as a cancer i am hard to understand i met a chick once who had a spot in my liifes bnd, she knew me we had a connection so much love we were never disrespectin im glad i could atleast i could teach hersome shit before she ripped my beeating heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Loved hermore than life and i still do i promised her one day i would find her and marry her, walkher down that isle say the words ido, she felt what i felt i know its tru, wasnt ready fgor commitment baby i wil alwayslove yo never orget you if i can i connect with you, like a disease i infected you i aways broght you downi was just baggage extra wait holing you down dragging around im glad youo saw through my snake charming ways saw me for who i was a bumm who couldnt change noot in a short number of days, someone so crippled by pain and grief it was beyond belief, she was the only one i wore my heart on my sleeve for , she lef me sobbinig, crrying violently without end in the door the doorway to more pain. i know she had no choice she had to live her lifee i was just in he way, i was obscuring her focus. eye on the prize isthe only way to achieve your goals and tnt them fuckin boulders, in your way, today i die babe, long time comin bet yall thought i was here to stay. baby l dontshed a tear kno i died drinkin a beer haha but nah you were my last thoughts thinking about all the time we spent getting lost in eachothers eyes and gettin so close we read eachothers thougts, illl miss or idk if ill be concious or just nothjingness, i guess ill fnd out when i finally stop being a pussy and proced with this, see ya velma ill always be your shaggy thinka bout me and dont forget what i made you see, in your self im just another memory on our shelf but let it bbe one thaat sticks we had somethingthat made ssense just clicks somethin that felt so right im really gonn miss, everythinig abnout you im sorry you couldnt trust me but i dont doubt why. i know the truth ive never denied a thing in my life, dont getme wrong everybody tells a little white lie, but you know what its a sign of intelligence not to be afraid to say idk not to lie for the hll of it. Ill see you soon in the nxt life or two i hope reincarnatiuon has a possibility of being true, godbye cruel world th ride is over it was a hell of a whirl, i leave you with absolutely nohing conntributted i was just a part o the cancer people had to live with, butnever acknowledgedd, acted ignoant to ther surroundings as daddy paid for college, i burned bright and hot and had a lot of fun, i had alot of life experienc got alot of shit done, nothing productivee of course in ssocieties eyes but i did fullfill atleast some personal goals, important things in my eyes, the curtains are almost done descending as my pittiful life is ending, but keep your pitty mother  fuckers i dont want shit from any of you i dont give yoou nothin dont be so self righteous you look like a bunch of fools, greive for me or celebrate my life i guess its on you how you chhoose to rfemmeber a nobody that nobody knew, a couple feet before the curtains drop, is that? myy eyes decieving? me? no i do see that a single rose descends from the skies, i stare intently at the work of art, a rose is soo beautiful, a representation of love, from the heart, so delicate with its velvet petals, easily ruined a boket wouldve been nice, but who am i fooling, thats a beautiful thing, that was really nice. the product bubbles as i take my last hit of ice, cant takemy eyes off that rose.. its so beautiful... the gun on my forhead now, looking at each individual pedals.. dew from the early mornin forming a small puddle around that naturral phenom, that iconic organic, spectaacular symbol of sometthing real, somethin that matters, something sensual. 

As the bits of his brain splatter behid him, arms spread; with grace, almost angelic.he falls off the ciff a hundred feet now for falling, weird but there was a look of peace in his eyes; on his face, maybe he wll finally find happiness.. he fell with nobility and so much grace the floor he hit, his finall restingplace, what cuold be a better box then a natural setting, a  beaauty of nature, crawling all around and he will return to the earth, the mother wll  take him back just as she gave birth, i thinnk this shit is over now its not my story to tell, inside voices kids no reason to yell. shhhhhhhhhhh. 

dont depend dont believe the [enter here]