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queen-mabs-revenge · 1 year

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there is something so exceptional about the audio form and the kind of...meta-narrative (?) of horror it creates that really leapt out at the end of this re: dracula episode (25 Sept).

seeing the runtime of each episode sets the scene - 27:06? ok, i'm in for something here -- we have a few, uhhhhh, long-winded characters in rotation so it might not be an eventful something, but at this point in the story, we've already been gutted by episodes with longer runtimes so just glimpsing the runtime already sets the scene for heightened dread. you might set aside time to experience the dread instead of maybe quickly listening to a minute long episode wherever/whenever you are.

i luckily got to listen through without interruption and so i was only vaguely aware of the passing time in that approximate way one's body clock ever is. so as this episode came to a close, and mina asks van helsing to not reply if he agrees to meet for breakfast, the dread spiked

i didn't know how long was left in the episode -- the music was still lingering. how much time has it been? 27 minutes? it feels like it could be 27 minutes, but it also feels much shorter? can't be sure. and even if the runtime is nearly elapsed, we know from previous episodes that a telegram can take mere seconds, a journal entry just a few words. is van helsing going to be called away? is he going to cancel the meeting? is mina going to be left alone again with no answers and no friends? with the count and the 'bloofer lady' closing in? how long has the music been playing? holding my breath for the morse code. holding my breath for van helsing's voice. holding my breath for 'letter by hand'. holding my breath for 'letter unopened'...

"this episode featured..."

relief

when reading, you have the unread pages in your hand constantly telling you the story of the progress of the narrative's shape. unless every piece of ephemera of an epistolary story is set on its own separate page, you can see the next item in your eyesight. sure, even if they are on separate new pages, you can see through the printed page the shadows of the text on the next, giving you a subconscious hint of expectation.

with a film, you lose the tangibility of the physical object informing the narrative, but you have other sensory cues - something like a fade to black over the lingering music can manipulate your expectations of narrative completion (and either follow through or subvert them). if you're watching on a device, an accidental activation of the screen or cursor might give you a glimpse of the progression bar, again changing your narrative perception.

with an audio drama you're left with just the one sense as your guide. unless you're actively watching the progression bar as you're listening or actively watching a clock, you just don't know beyond your own imperfect perception of time what you're in for and fuck me the added anxiety because of that is just

whew

#re: dracula #i have a deep obsession with the inescapable narration of the material art form on the art itself #and man oh man this was a treat for me today #thinking of how other things can shape your narrative experience #if you're listening while walking on a familiar route and know how long it takes you to walk from point a to point b #passing a physical landmark might spike dread because you suddenly are aware of time passed and remaining #literally a fire hydrant. a weird tree. a crack in the sidewalk could be a meta-narrative device #something that the author has no control over can shape the perception of their story #going feral about it actually?

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inbabylontheywept · 1 year

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Kevin vs. Intro to Quantum

Our first suspicion of Kevin was that he had, somehow, cheated his way up to this course. He just seemed perpetually confused, and strangely antagonistic of the professor. The weirdest example of this was when he asked what an ion was (in a third year class?), and was informed that it referred to any positively or negatively charged particle. It would have been strange enough to ask that in a senior level electrical engineering course, but his reply of "Either? That doesn't sound right" sealed him in as a well known character in the class of 19 people.

The real tipping point in our perception of him was during a lecture where the professor mentioned practical uses for a neutron beam, and Kevin asked if a beam could be made out of some other neutral material. When asked "Like what?", he replied "An atom with all of its electrons removed." When we pointed out that the protons would make that abomination extremely positively charged, he just replied with "So what if we removed those too?" and then was baffled when we informed him that would just be neutrons.

That's high school level chemistry. Not knowing it was so incredibly strange that I felt like something was off, so I waited until after class and asked him if he'd like to grab lunch. He accepted, we chatted, and I finally began to get a sense of his origin story.

See, Kevin wasn't a junior/senior year electrical engineer like the rest of us. Kevin was, in fact, three notable things: A business major, a sophomore, and a hardcore Catholic. All three of those are essential to understanding his scenario.

What had begun all of this was actually a conflict with Kevin and his roommate. Kevin frequently had his fundamental belief in Absolute Good, Absolute Bad, and Absolute Anything pushed back on by his roommate, who was in STEM. Said roommate kept invoking quantum mechanics as his proof against Absolute Knowledge. Kevin had gotten tired of having something that he didn't understand thrown at his beliefs, so he decided to take a quantum course to settle things once and for all.

Despite not having any of the pre-reqs.

He'd actually tried to take quantum for physicists first, but the school's physics department wouldn't let him. It's actually pretty strictly regulated, because it is a mandatory class for physics majors, so they limit who enters in order to make sure all the future physicists can grab a seat. However, because the engineering department's introductory quantum course is not mandatory, there aren't really any built in requirements for the class. It's just assumed that nobody would actually try to take it until their at least third year because doing so would the be the mental equivalent to slamming your nuts in the door. Just, pure suffering for no good reason.

Apparently, the counselors had tried to talk him out of it, but if Kevin was one thing, it was stubborn. He'd actually had to sign some papers basically saying "I was warned that this is incredibly stupid, but I refused to listen" in order to take the class.

He was actually pretty nice, if currently unaware of how bad he'd just fucked up. I paid for the lunch, wished him the best in the class, and reported back to the discord me and about eight other people in the class had been using. We'd all been curious about this guy's story, but now that I had the truth, I could share it with the world.

Feelings were mixed. Some people thought he was going to drop out any minute now. Others thought that he wouldn't, be also that convincing him to drop now, while he still could, was the only ethical thing. Others figured that a policy of non-interference was best. The counselors couldn't dissuade him, and if we tried to do the same, he'd probably just think it was STEM elitism trying to guard its little clubhouse. He'd figure out how hard things were, or he'd fail. Either way, it would help him learn more about the world.

We wound up taking the approach of non-interference. If nothing else, understanding his origins gave us more patience when he asked bizarre questions. He wasn't trying to waste our time, he was just trying to cram three years of pre-reqs into a one semester course. He did get a little bit combative sometimes, and we could tell that he was really wracking his brain to try and find some sort of contradiction or error that he could use to bring the whole thing down, but he never could. He just didn't understand it well enough to have a chance at poking holes in it.

First test came by, and he bombed it. Completely unprepared. He'd taken Calculus I, but he didn't know how to do integrals yet. Worse, he was far past the drop date. I imagine most people in his shoes would've stopped struggling. They'd realize they were fucked and just let themselves fail, at least salvaging their other classes grades in the process. Why waste resources on an unwinnable battle?

Kevin didn't ask questions like that. If he was stupid enough to try it, he was gonna be stupid enough to finish it. God bless him.

He invited me to lunch after the test and said that the class was more fascinating than he'd ever imagined, but he didn't know if he'd be able to pass it. He asked if I could help, and I said "Maybe." I brought the request to the discord, and from the eight people I got three volunteers who admired this dork's tenacity. He was in over his head, miles over his head, but we admired his fighting spirit and were willing to bust our asses to see if we could get this guy to pass the class.

Some of the stuff was just extra homework we gave to the guy. We told him he needed to learn integrals, stat. We sent him some copies of basic software that can be used to teach the basics of linear circuit equations, and he practiced that game like it was HALO. Just, hours sunk into it.

We were very impressed.

He was still scrabbling for air at just the surface level of the class, but he'd gone from abysmal failure to lingering on the boundary between life and death. Other people in the class started to learn about Kevin's origin story, and our little circle of four volunteer tutors grew to six. Every day, he had someone trying to help him either catch up in some way, or finish that week's homework. He'd gone from being seen as a nuisance that wasted class time to the underdog mascot.

He was getting twelve hours of personal tutoring a week, on top of three hours of classes, on top of six hours of office hours, on top of the coursework. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that this kid was doing 40 hours a week just trying to pass this one single class.

Second test comes around and he gets a 60. He's ecstatic. We're ecstatic. Kid's too young to take out drinking so we just order a pizza and cheer like he just won gold at the Olympics.

After that second test, things hit another tipping point. With so much catch-up under his belt, he was able to focus a lot more on the actual material for the class. A borderline cinematic moment happened when I was trying to get ahead on the homework so that I could put more hours in on my senior project. Nobody else had finished it yet because it wasn't due for another week, nobody else knew how to do it, and when I went to the professor's office hours, Kevin was there. The professor was trying to help me, but I was still struggling. After leaving the office, I got a text from Kevin asking me to hop onto zoom.

Kevin had finished it earlier, because Kevin starts all of his homework the moment its assigned in order to make sure that he can get it done. He'd finished it the day before, and was able to walk me through it.

From student, to teacher. I'm not exaggerating when I say that he probably saved me eight hours on that assignment. I could've kissed him.

Final comes around. As soon as we're done, we six ask Kevin how he did. He's nervous, there's so much new material for him in this class that his retention hasn't been great. Us six are also a little stressed: We're going to pass the class, but the final was hard.

We wait.

Table with final scores, and overall scores is posted, curve included. From our class of 19 people, 4 withdrew within the deadline, 4 failed, 1 got a C, 8 got B's, and 2 got A's. We can see that the curve for a C is set at 59.2% overall.

We call Kevin. He's crying. End score, 59.2%. Teacher curved the C just to him.

It's a week into winter break so we can't gather the forces around for a party like last time, but we're all losing our shit. Kevin's losing his shit. He can't believe how stupid he was to try this course, he can't believe that six people busted their ass just to make sure he didn't die, and he can't believe that the professor basically just passed him out of effort alone.

He says it's the stupidest thing he's ever done, and while I doubt that, it was outrageously stupid. And yet, I've never been so invested in a fellow student before. I'm prouder of Kevin's C than I am of my own B. I walked on sunshine for weeks after getting the news. I still think about him sometimes. It's been two years, and I still google him, just to see that he's doing well. And he is. Man's a machine. I like to think of how many people this little pinball has bounced off in his life, how many impressions he's made.

I can't be the only person cheering for him. There must be an army of us, proudly watching babybird fly.

#his name is not actually kevin #its kind of an internet perjorative for particularly foolhardy people #the class was called 'intro to electronic materials' but it was basically intro to quantum bcs it focused on semiconductors physics #neutron beams can do chemical analysis of thick objects because coulomb forces prevent electrons or protons from penetrating materials #kevin remained catholic but he did chill out enough to not want to debate every atheist he runs into #getting 20% less insufferable in a year is honestly amazing #Babylon-Lore #Babylon-TopPick

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