#may be a repeat reblog bc tumblr fucked up

[horce-divorce]

And ykw, in re: queer people eating up terf rhetoric uncritically, I'm STILL reeling about how, when I came back from Twitter, i was seeing all these ads for Folx and Plume on Tumblr, and the ONLY comments and reblogs were attacks, things saying "this company exploits trans people, don't use it."

Plume is a company run BY trans people. It's a bunch of trans doctors who will prescribe you HRT via telehealth and do all your labs, refills, needles etc for like $99/mo (last time i checked). Folx is the same but a bit cheaper and operates in different states, in an attempt to cover gaps in trans Healthcare coverage.

As soon as I started blocking terfs I stopped seeing those comments. But I also stopped seeing anyone talking about Folx or Plume. Point blank. I dont even get the ads for it anymore. It's like everyone just absorbed the idea that they're "preying on trans people" by giving you HRT, which is TERF 101 LEVEL SHIT. None of you even fucking Googled it!!!

Like honestly I'm pretty bitter about this whole thing, and the fact that I've not yet seen ANYONE talk about this or own up to it in the 2-3 years since???? Folx and Plume are both still around. I've had to consider using them multiple times even in relatively "safe" states like Michigan, because sure, your insurance might cover HRT, but good luck finding a doctor who will prescribe it, because PP doesn't do HRT there, there's like 4 doctors in the whole state that will, and they will be like a 6 hour drive from you if they're accepting patients at all.

So like idk especially with all the absolute HORSE SHIT that you guys like to put TPOC, intersex ppl, asexual ppl, and trans men thru at the mere SUGGESTION of terfs, I just have to wonder how many of you are STILL repeating word-for-word terf rhetoric without unpacking it. (I mean, in addition to those of you I SEE STILL DOING THIS.) You may be critically/outwardly against TERFS, but if you don't actually take ANY time to block them, or even recognize and challenge their rhetoric in your head, you arent doing enough to avoid them. Cause you're STILL repeating it and you look foolish, WHICH WAS THE GOAL, BTW. To make queer (esp trans) people look foolish and disorganized, and to drive a wedge between our communities about struggles we actually fucking share.

Another example: I've said it before and I'll say it fucking again, "trans men can't speak to being oppressed bc you are MEN and therefore have Male Privilege, SILENCE, OPPRESSOR," is the SAME ARGUMENT from a few years ago about "ace and aro ppl aren't queer bc you don't experience sexual attraction, you can't be oppressed for something you dont experience, therefore, silence, cishet!" Signed, an asexual gnc transmasc. This was another instance of queerphobic, divisive terf rhetoric getting passed around uncritically for YEARS. (I can't speak to this bc I'm not a lesbian but it does feel eerily similar to "bi lesbians are harmful to our community" as well, that whole, "anything that could even feasibly one day sorta be tied back to Men means its #unsafe" vibe, but also a very, "anyone queerer than a cis political lesbian is a threat to our community," vibe, which feels r/dfemmy to me.)

I see people TALK about the dark ages of asexual hatred on this site, but I dont see a lot of you dissecting how that happened or how to prevent it from happening again to other communities. I see people talking about "wow everyone on this site sure was unhinged about asexual ppl" and then turning around and saying shit like "transandrophobia truthers." fucking look at yourselves.

[aquariclily]

🔞 Minors do not interact! 18+ only, & preferably 20+.

⠀General Roleplay Information!

All my blogs are listed here!

I personally prefer long RP stuff to be discussed through messages or Discord as I value OOC trust & communication. However, I'm good with filling in interest checkers as well.

I accept most inbox submissions, even for non-(Tumblr)roleplayers. But please don't expect for literally all inbox replies to turn into threads (though, you can ask.)

I can't consistently cut posts bc I'm generally on my phone & open Tumblr on the app.

I roleplay on both Tumblr & Discord. Discord RP's are a little more prioritized sometimes because it's more easy for me for short/more casual stuff. I'm open to try out other platforms if convenient.

NOTE: I am highly selective with my canons.

⠀Do Not Interact…

— DNI if your blog contains the following: Pedo/Incest/Bestiality/Anything Too Problematic (think of e.g. uncomfy~immoral/illegal taboo stuff, etc.) I really don't care what tf you're into - I just don't want to SEE these things on my dash. (Plus, I also don't want trouble.)

— OOC garbage behavior such as; Racism/Sexism/T.ERF/S.WERF/G.ender critical/M.AP/Z.oosexual/A.lt-right/Any discrimination or insensitivities to marginalized groups/etc. I will block that shit on sight.

— "Collectors". I block collectors on sight. I have terrible experiences with them. I usually block them on sight (for my mental health.) If you want your OC x Canon ship, you must offer double-up or leave me alone. Find some other blog.

— I'll repeat: No minors. Roleplay is for 18+ only, 20+ is preferred (not mandatory. This is because I'm 30+.) However, minors are free to follow my blog(s) if they are SFW. It's just that I don't want to roleplay with them.

— If I blocked you: Don't fucking block evade me!!

Notes: I block very liberally to curate my Tumblr Experience™ (it usually means that I just don't want to interact so don't take a block too personal) & it would be too laboring to fully elaborate on every small thing that just bothers me. (Along on how a lot of people on this website lack basic reading comprehension… not worth it. 🗿)

If you read this. Please don't worry about me blocking you out of the blue, I usually (kindly) confront people if we're mutuals for a while.

I admit that I suffer from trauma (C-PTSD) so curating my experience is very important. I don't want to list my specific triggers because it can be used against me but it's in the range of taboo/extreme stuff (what's in my DNI.)

⠀RP Do's…

— Just wing it. Don't get intimidated, I like casual RP's on Tumblr too. Don't worry too much about length/detail.

— Try to read the Blog/Muse Info's. Not mandatory, but it would be nice. This post is just the general RP rules (hence, it's posted on my main.)

— Be patient. Acknowledge that there is an actual PERSON behind the screen. I am not an AI. Don't treat me like one. I have my preferences, & prefer to stick in my comfort zone. And sometimes I get busy. Sometimes, I just want to do different things. Sometimes, I'm just too tired, moody, sick, or whatever reason. You can ask what's up when in doubt, though. It's fine. I'm just saying that I have a life, my preferences, and that I need my rest.

— Talk OOC, plot stuff, discuss dynamics between our muses, etc. I may fill in interest checkers but I personally prefer to work through messages. Interest checkers don't really work for me on my canons so I no longer do that. I value good OOC communication. This is how you get things done with me.

— If there is a problem, talk it out. Let's acknowledge that we're human and being humans means that we're flawed and we all can have our bad days; I want to keep my mind open and hear you out.

— Give attention, show some excitement; I gravitate to those who seem most interested & express it. Don't worry about ♥/reblog-spam lol, I don't mind. I like the attention.

— Come up with ideas. Talk about our muses & world-building. You could never ever bother me with genuine interest & passion. Passionate writers are admirable.

— If you struggle with coming up with ideas: Ask! I will not mind if you ask, because that indicates that you're interested! Which is a good thing. I'll gladly brainstorm for you.

— Drop threads & start new ones if you lost muse. It's fine.

— Take a break if you need it! ♥

⠀RP Don'ts…

And I can't stress it enough.

— Don't be weird. Respect my boundaries. I am very tired.

— Don't sexualize/romance the muses that are minors or child-coded.

— Don't godmod. Don't try to control my muse without my consent.

— Don't expect me to ship something if we haven't discussed it. Also don't be a jerk if I say "No". I'm still selective. Don't demand me to do double up for ships if I don't see you demand it to others & don't see it in your BYI/RP Rules. (It's unfair to put a double standard to me.)

— Don't disrespect my wishes and preferences in roleplays. I am not an AI that is willing to write literally everything. Don't get mad if my muse isn't going to act the way you want them to. Don't guilt trip me for retiring muses: My muse for things isn't going to stay the same forever.

— Don't pressure me to write things I'm not (or no longer) interested in. When in doubt, just ask. If you don't ask; I guess you'll just stay in doubt then! Sorry.

— Don't make OOC vagueposts & stuff like that. It makes me nervous and worry if it's about me. I also will raise a brow at you if you give OOC drama more attention than roleplay, this can result into me confronting you or even unfollowing you if we're not close enough. Outside that: I actually DO support callouts of genuinely shitty & problematic people with actual/proper evidence! I'd rather not want to end up interacting with e.g. someone who's predatory or weird around minors.

— Don't be afraid to message me!! I'd love to talk.

Discord…

— Feel free to message me for my Discord if interested. Be sure to have some clear information about yourself somewhere before I add you!

— My status often says that I'm "offline". I want to reply at my own pace.

— Even on Discord, I take my breaks.

⠀⠀♡ this post to confirm that you've read the "General Roleplay Information"!

— Message me if there are any questions! Don't be shy if you don't understand some things.

[blackteaaddict]

Hi I just wanted to tell you how much joy it brought me to open tumblr one day to a dash full of Eddie thanks to someone I followed way back bc of Yi City! Jcjejfdj idk I guess I'm just glad you're also in this rabbithole💜 was also kinda wondering whether you've heard of the Kas theory cuz you know... you mentioned that Eddie's fine post s4, just a zombie playing his guitar in the Upside Down, and yeah, you're not way off from this theory actually since it implies him being a vampire XD (and also Vecna's puppet. Just imagine all the angst potential!!) Anyway, don't wanna give you any false hope but I'm still in denial about his death so the Kas theory is my only consolation (doesn't help that the more I think about it the more sense it makes) so may as well share. Okay, sorry for rambling into your askbox, I'm just too full of blorbo feels nowadays, hopefully you have a good day!💜

omg hi fellow yi city and eddie lover!!! it’s always fun when you find ppl from the other fandoms in your new fandom xD (though I have to say I'm still much more casually in the stranger things fandom than in cql fandom, idk if it will turn into a full blown obsession? rn I'm just mostly reblogging gifs with eddie, not engaging that much in meta nor reading any fanfic)

anyway I’m happy to hear you were delighted by my eddie spam on your dash xD (and I just have to mention here that I always headcanon that modern au xue yang is into heavy metal music, especially into trash metal, I think it fits him so well! sometimes I headcanon he can play guitar as well, despite his fucked up left hand)

ok now back to that eddie returns topic... that post about zombie eddie was written in the great feelings right after watching the final episode and yeah later on I realized that he indeed should be more of a vampire because of the bats (I guess I went with zombie because iron maiden's eddie seems kinda more like a zombie so my brain went there idk hfgksjdfjs). mostly I was angry he died because hmmm I didn't feel like his death was really that necessary? like, he could survive that, severely bitten but still alive (just like steve survived! yeah I know not so many bats attacked him but steve was fucking shirtless!!!). mostly I didn't feel like his death really changed it all that much for the whole plot? what purpose did it serve? it felt like he died just because the script writers and duffers wanted him to die. like, steve, nancy and robin could have also died, strangled by those demonic vines but of course they were needed for the plot (and I'm glad they didn't die xD), but I don't understand why eddie couldn't make it out alive too then. I feel like nothing really would be taken away from his heroic "didn't run away" moment if he survived it and just passed out in dustin's arms instead of dying?

I saw some ppl talking about “the kas theory” but I always forgot to google it ooops xD but ok now I googled it and hmm idk how I feel... I have mixed feelings honestly? because on one hand I want eddie to come back in season 5 but I'm not sure if I want it like this? kinda feels like a bit of a repeat of billy and mind flayer from s3. (and I have to say I didn't like it that much and the direction they took with billy in s3... mostly because I was counting on more interaction between billy and max and their whole household because from the tiny glimpses we got it seemed like a huge mess but then the duffers never really elaborated on it? like I'm glad we at least got the little flashback into billy's childhood but it's just a crumb. I wanted to know the current dynamics of that fucked up family, what's happening now, how the relationship between him and max developed. it was implied that it got better but it all happened off-screen but then in s4 max said that actually it was still bad so????? the duffers had such an interesting plot here and they just skipped that? tossed it away? got billy mind controlled and then killed him off instead of really putting the work into writing him a real full fleshed redemption arc? and like I'm all for my poor little meow meows getting tortured but ugh I guess I just wanted more billy being billy and we lost that once he got mind flayed. I was just very frustrated with the fact that I felt that there was so many questions and interesting things to explore in billy’s (and max’s) story but once billy got under mind control there was no space for that anymore and I felt robbed.)

but ugh since we got a lot of eddie screentime in s4 that won’t be the problem here... and maybe it could give some meaning to his death? generally I’m not sure if I want him as yet another meatsuit borrowed by vecna... but I’m not saying it couldn’t work either...

but when I said I wanted eddie back it was him as a part of the gang, he had suffered enough! xD also I like him as a quartet with steve and nancy and robin. and will is back in hawkings, he should get a chance to play dnd with eddie goddamnit! (it was so unfair to banish will to california while his friends joined an awesome dnd club and will was the most into dnd of thme all. come on. it's a hate crime. also that hair-do they gave him in s4 was a hate crime too.)

but the more I think about eddie resurrection the more it makes sense he could only come back under some kind of mind control of vecna, if he was changed by the powers of upside down into a vampire or some other undead being, then it would only be logical he would be part of this world now. so I guess it all depends on how that kas theory would be executed? because it might be interesting, but also I can easily see it being disappointing and boring and eddie would probably die at the end anyway... so idk??? basically it mostly seems to me like theory that would be way more fun to explore in fannish spaces that to see it brought on screen as a part of the series? I always have limited trust for the show creators jhgfkjsdhgjkh

in general I’m trying to have no expectations for s5 because I’m kinda afraid for it? after the disappointment that was mcu and infinity war/endgame I’m kinda reluctant with my trust for the writers, especially if it’s some big finale of a few seasons long/few movies long franchise. like, I hope s5 will be good... but also won’t be surprise if everything will implode from it’s own weigh.

anyway, thank you for rambling into my ask! I was very happy to receive your little message! and I hope you’ll have a good day too!

[fishfacedterror]

Wow, its been a really long time, huh?

Tumblr has kiiiiiiinda lifted their weird ban, which is. Kinda good, but thats not really what im focused on right now. At least not in this post. More than my feelings on that, i feel like i aught to communicate where ive been and whats been happening, to anyone who is still maybe interested in me/this blog. Just a general and relatively quick update bc I Control The Amount I Share and Dont Feel Like Repeating Stuff

TL;DR

been on a side blog for past 4 years w/ rp main. U can find the sideblog here. Probably gonna let this blog be a relic of a bygone era, but the username is still important to me so im gonna keep it with me going forward.

also went to cohost bc shits kinda fucked and they seem alright. We’ll see if it gains any traction or if it ends up in the flux pillowfort did

I have graduated from University now! Im a smart lad who (hopefully) will get to apply their studies soon, but for now is just doing The Grind. I also moved out on my own and proved to myself i can be independent. Also nice! Ive also had 2 (two) mental health crisis’s over the last four years and that really sucked! Luckily I’m okay now, and have good ppl around me if I ever get sick again, but hopefully not ever again. Or at least as bad.

As for my presence on this Webbed Site, I actually have been here consistently even after the ban, just not on this blog. Idk, thats what happens when you can only choose 1 main blog to be logged into at a time, and I chose my rp blog. Funnily enough i ended up making a side blog to reblog and post rp unrelated things to, and it has for better or for worse become the successor to this here blog. You can find it here if you’re interested! Again, its a side blog so im kinda limited on everything i can do there, but its still me!

As for this blog specifically, I’m not really inclined to Come Back to it; however the URL is still pretty important to me. I an STILL fishfacedterror, and have been on twitter up to this point, and plan to be into the future until I get run off by a bunch of pandas or whatever. I may turn this blog into an archive of my 2010s, changing the URL to reflect that, then reuse the URL as a places hub for all my stuff. Or maybe not! Who knows! If I do Come Back to this blog instead of making it into an archive of my ego im gonna have a lot LOT LOT of housekeeping to do. 2018 me and 2022 me are 4 years apart!

I also made a cohost for myself, if that interests you all too! Its kinda like tumblr 2, though not everyone is on there just yet fir better or for worse. Kinda reminds me of the days where everyone did a big exodus from deviantArt for tumblr.

agh, good ol days.

anyway, this update post has been long enough so I’ll put in a TL;DR at the top so you dont have to feel bad abt scrolling past. Or blocking me for suddenly making a long rambling post out of the blue. I Do Not Care

anyway, shits been real and it keeps on coming!

[eternal-bangtan]

      i just wanted to say happy new year to everyone!! not only to ppl who i tagged but also who follows me but also those who i dont follow and many more just everyone who reads this u kno?? 2020 will be cool and everything is in ur hands!        stay healthy stay chill stay cool dont get too stressed bc of dumb things that pretty much dont affect ur life stay out of toxicity dont interact with negativity related stuff dont hate on urself dont judge others dont make assumptions without knowing the whole situation stop caring about ppls unnecessary opinions that have nothing to do with healthy critisism (and only if u asked for it) reflect on urself and ur actions become a better version of urself try to love urself u r really precious u know? everything that happened and happens makes u the way u r today u get new experience everything is ok and will be better!        lets make this year more humane lets use more emptahy lets not be jerks and even when we say whats on our minds lets make it in a way that wont mentally hurt ppl lets respect personal space        and im talking not only about internet but also irl and i really mean all of it       i really appreciate every single one of u there r reasons why i followed u thank u for making tumblr such cozy place where i can share my interests with people who feel the same thank u for talking to me for interacting with me for liking my gifs for every nice tag and kind word that u said to me we all have no idea how much it may affect a lot of things im not very social irl but i do understand how important right surroundings r and how important this is to be able to share same love and interests!!!!ik im repeating myself but its really important!!! im so fucking grateful for everything also i wanna thank every person who made good content here even once        also special thanks to bts for well everything on this blog and for even the smallest changes that happened to me for quality music for brightening up my mood for being role models to me i hope i will be able to love and support them for a long time

      this will be in an older-newer ppl i follow order  @aurjeon @j-hope @samwol @bwinkook @taeguk @taegis @rmofbts @the-trth-untold @softjeon @tearuntold @minyoongsueit @imtaeshook @cyphertaehyungie @starry-tae @fieldsofpurple @sugawithluv @darlingjoon @honeykoos @jungkooksmoon @ktheaven @hobiswitch @babystaeguk @utopiajeon @holy-jinsus @grapejinnie @kimnamtaejin @ksjknj @kimvante @jimiyoong @kimseokjin @poutaes @tahyungs @jklovecult @wetbts @jjkguk @jjeongukks @namjoon @yoonseok @taeyungie @knjspjm @jengkook @jungshiii @kstaehyung @jungkpop @jins-kiss @taevistic @lune-joon @leethotmin @kookyjin @agustcyphers @bluecoonjoon @lovelykthjjk @ve1vetyoongi @dayverseulgi @joonsbesitos @lys-tear @jinsjade @fairysgf @lilnochutae @mykths @namjoosn @guksdimple @191026jhs @kthsdyke @snakuchan @triivia-love @peppermintyoonji @flowerbangtann @luvsickforyou @sweetcantae @jeons-love @sshytae @hoseoch @minbuwuty @jiminsmagicshop @raplegendjimin @jiminsass @hyungstae @agustdique @jjeons @jjiminssi @ftyoonmin @jjungcooks @diorjhs @jiminrolls @smol-syub @rapmooni @loverserendipity @jeonify @gukiejjk @taehyoungg @jeonking @962510 @kimnamsjoon @rosegoldje0n @7biases @minyoongislaysme @4blueside @hwongguk @blackhairtaehyung @tearsgf @aphrodiitaes @njssi @dreamgloe @taestfully @brightlytae @namgisbitch @quichetein @hwagaemkt @gothjeon @minsapphic @minyoongipd @jinie @beretae @sugasinterlude @taegination @buckh @namgiseokpd @guktual @estellemrx @bwintan @chillybangtan @joonswife @bbyjoonbug @taegisexual @hopetual @softesthobi @bigtiddiejoon @ddaengboys @napstakookie @jjkwithluv @yve @comeback-tomy-home @yoonimoo @lampjinnie @fflowermin @jeonsbun @joonstitties @cuteatae @loonixart @hobwithluv @tr1vialove @submissive-bangtan @1over6oy @hugseoks @biminiee @hobiwonder @namjoons-gf @singulari-tae @kimrkive @seokjins @jinsboob @jksjaanu @foxcyphers @jeonsdear @softminyoongi @btssmutgalore @dearlyjoon @namstokyo @crytaeby @sleepyyyoongs @parkjimni @etherealitae @popsidenote @jogeumdeo @angeljk @kim-taelicious @joonsjeon @taesamorcito @bfjooonie @taetaeguks @choibeomqyu @jinkookswife @happyjinmas @hyungksj @its-taeday @namokay @bfkook @jeonlous-v @floral-hobi @parksouthgate @lux-astrorum @personawife @taejvu @raplinelovecult @starjeon @yoonminos @94dimple @hope-film @kinktae @bymoonchild @monkoya @jhlovebot @ericnams @rookiez @mytaerminology @starlightstae @jayhoee @hopekidoki @sshirogvne @jeonggukyoongi @mygsii @honeystae @joonlights @mikrosmonos @hosnack @luvsjoon @jhopegay @parkjiminsprincess @yeonjum @stargazingjin @hopedollz @gcftaegguk @namiiyae @saffronbun @yoonminjin @beomgyutie @agu5td @yoonandstars @darkhairtaesbitch @min-gummy @jiminsremedy @whyjjks @nochujung @honeylovecult @comebemyteacher @pjmskosmos @jinies @mmmikrokosmos @taemines @cafejoon @joonie @luvletters2jk @namhopesgf @minygie @namuswife @namgination @hibiskooks @hoseoknysus @yoongiseesaw @jaefuckingbeom @junghopah @kimseokjinss @miyunki @jung-koook @llsanjoonie @honeyrap @seokjinsult @vampsyub @funkyrosejin @syuga @btsboo @thickjoon @snow-for-yunhoseok @luvmais @miniminisb @jksmoongf @taehyungluvblog @joon-ahh @jinitude @faerieth @ohjiminn @kim-taehyung @taehyungland @hwagaemkt @yeonjunluvbot @nj @honeyoongbee @hobsbby @minkive @sunshineggukie @glosslovr @ggukbwi @monsteronfire @btsaudge @yoonmochiiii @yoonqiful @kooprivs @tinyfontminpd @tataehyungs @yoongified @j1ns @engeljimin @taesseok @kookgyu @starrytete-deactivated20191231 (oh my god did u accidentally deactivate again :( come backkk) @dimplemono @gukkism  p.s. i dont follow a lot of content makers i would love to only to be able to see their content on explore page cuz this is where i mostly reblog i dont look at my tl much so im making sure i will see their content cuz i dont have much time to check all new gifs creators make u know fkgksdg but i still wanna see it and support sounds so dumb right? 

[diningpageantry]

Don’t @ Me

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43092371

Chapter 1/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster

Word Count: 3118

Fic Summary: Teenage life is hard enough, but with the added weight of their lives, both Simon and Baz thrive online in a fandom for the British crime show, Gastrell, about the genius Huxley and his "flatmate" Sam. Through Tumblr, they find each other, and sink into something more than just being mutuals.

Chapter Summary: A shitpost is taken a little too personally, and an argument breaks out. In true Baz fashion, he seeks to prove himself right in the most ridiculous way possible.

BAZ

Morning routines are the most menial shit in the realm of existence of arbitrary tasks.

Everyone seems to have them, yet nobody really has a set one. For example, my step-mum has a long, seemingly pointless hour of simply facial cleansers, serums, and hair products. When I’d asked her years ago why she does it all, she shook her head and said “You’ll never be an aging woman, Basilton.”

I couldn’t quite argue with that.

Regardless, it’s a part of life. The routines. Wake up, morning routine, morning activity, eat, afternoon activity, usually afternoon snack, evening activity, dinner, night-time activity, sleep.

A boring, underwhelming cycle of the day.

Although, I suppose it’s shittier for me, since the homeschooling doesn’t give me a chance to do much besides sit and read. Of course, I have my car and I can drive off to whatever. Hell, father even suggested I get a job to occupy myself, but I don’t quite see the point given how much money we have (and the risk factors with moving around so frequently).

So, here I am. Finishing my classes in a matter of months, then having an entire year of pointless bullshit.

Needless to say, my entire day’s routine isn’t the most thrilling. Wake up at 10 on a good day, check social media and emails, then just lay here until I can’t wait to piss. Piss. Go to eat breakfast and get greeted by screaming children and my poor step-mum trying to wrangle them in. Go upstairs, go back online, see whatever’s on my dash, reblog some shit, then try to do something vaguely productive. Check Archive, check email again. Nothing’s on the emails, ever. Text Dev and Niall, who get awfully pissed since they are in school. Get more food. Eat. Bring tea upstairs, despite the disdained look from our maid (who hates collecting my piles of mugs). Write for a couple hours. Take an afternoon nap, if I please. Wake up and sit there (again). Maybe lonely wank. Go back to the bathroom, stare at myself in the mirror for a good few minutes. Sit on the toilet for half an hour for no reason besides the fact that my phone seems more interesting while sitting there as compared to sitting in bed. Sit then on the bathroom floor doing the same thing. Go back to my bed, listen to music on my phone and work on my laptop. Write, maybe scroll. Get dinner brought to me as they tut that I should be more active. Eat. Go downstairs for an evening workout (they’re right, I shouldn’t confine myself to my bed). Come back, do exactly what I do for half the day until I pass out somewhere around 3 am. Repeat.

Dream life for an 17 year old. Social life of a god.

Somewhat.

It’s shit to say (and sort of embarrassing to share) that there’s sort of a social media presence around me. Not quite the Instagram model bullshit, but based around fan life.

Yes, it’s a laughing stock. That’s where my popularity lies--a mixed grab-bag of various ages gathering around various platforms to enthuse about certain topics. And I’m somehow lucky enough to have the slightest bit of popularity here.

As in, a large following. A large, somehow active following.

It isn’t exactly thrilling as one would like to think. Sure, it’s fun to see a scattered group of regulars pop up, and I have my mutuals, but it’s a sad existence to sit around and make various shitposts with nothing better to occupy my mind. Or, at least, that’s what Dev and Niall tell me.

All in all, I blame Fiona. She’s the one who got me into the show, saying she thought the character was a bit like me. After I saw it, I found the three connections she’d grasped at.

Gay, dark-haired, and violinist.

As if that’s a rarity.

Yet, surely enough, I did love it. The cinematography, the characters, the storyline. It was intriguing--captivating.

It doesn’t hurt that the online community was still on the smaller side when I first got there. The show was only a season in when I made my blog, and I’ve stuck through all this bullshit to get me here. One of the regulars. Reposted everywhere, uncredited usually. Big fics, large interactions. Shitposts with thousands upon thousands of notes. I’m recognizable; a suggested name.

Don’t get me wrong, the attention is spectacular. I love interacting with people beyond this depressing household, and they’re usually fairly nice (usually) (except those ravenous for an argument). It’s just awkward to share at times when people ask why your mobile’s got 99+ symbols next to the apps and you just shrug and say “I’m shit at checking it” to avoid the conversation because most people see it as childish.

It’s a shame, really. Especially since I feel emotionally attached to these goddamn fictional fuckers.

I suppose that’s what makes it all the more personal, then. Even the shitposts mean something to me.

Which is what makes this is a long, winded way of saying fuck whoever’s arguing with me about whether or not Huxley is a fucking Ravenclaw. (He is. Hands down.) How’d I get here, staring at my mobile in disbelief at a brief back and forth post turned fight? Because it feels like a reasonable question to wonder.

I got here because, as almost all mornings, I woke up, opened my phone, read my notifs, then sat here, thinking of something. Anything. Then, in a tired haze, typed out a single text post on tumblr.

huxley gastrell is a ravenclaw send tweet

Following so, I went about my typical morning. Of course. Then--then--I check my phone as I’m going downstairs and I see it. I see the “@bi-sammy mentioned you in a post!” notif, then read the God-forsaken reblog.

@gaystrell op do you take criticism on your posts?

I frowned at my phone, typing out a quick response before tucking it back into my pocket.

@bi-sammy no.

What I hadn’t anticipated, though, was the reply I’d open up to soon after I’d started poking at my morning meal.

@gaystrell well too bad bc ur WRONG and ur opinions are UGLY

#he’s clearly a slytherin this is slytherin oppression #don’t tell me he and bryonie aren’t from a slytherin family

Now I sit, staring and completely awestruck at such a post. Now, I won’t deny Bryonie Gastrell is definitely, in all possible ways, a Slytherin. Cunning and ambitious as fuck, as any political spy may be, but fuck anyone who tries to dismiss Huxley’s clear Ravenclaw leanings.

It takes me a moment to fully process, mouth robotically chewing my eggs as I contemplate my answer.

@bi-sammy there is absolutely no proof of huxley being a slytherin and more than enough support towards him being a ravenclaw. get your clueless negativity off my blog, you utter tit.

With that, I settle my phone face down onto my table and try to enjoy my lovely plate of scrambled eggs, barely ignoring the boiling of my blood.

SIMON

My phone lights up with the new notification, dragging my attention away from my laptop as the words slide down onto the screen. “@gaystrell mentioned you in a post!” I hate to admit that I get a little pattering in my heart, urging my hand out to grasp the mobile as I pause the Youtube video currently playing. As I read his words, I slowly blink out of my excitement.

Tit. He called me a bloody tit.

Of course this fucking wanker called me a tit.

He must think that since he’s this big bad blogger, he can call me a tit right out in the open. (Although, he is talking to me, so that’s a plus) (No! No no no, bad validation, Simon. Bad). What, with his thousands of followers and fans of his own, he thinks he can try to say shit out in the open?

Fuck it. He’s either getting a DM or a bloody fist fight from me. I’ll take a train to wherever the fuck he lives (which is somewhere in England, since that’s what his bio says) (and his aunt lives in London, since he’s posted about visiting her) (I really do wonder where he’s from and how close he might be--what if I run into him one day?) (No wait fuck I don’t want that anymore).

Clicking on his blog, the little person drop down gives me the option of a message. I barely think as I type it out, vision going spotty from the adrenaline of the twinging anger.

bi-sammy: i swear to god there was no point to the battle of hogwarts if you’re just going to go around and absolutely slander the slytherin name and dare say that huxley is not one of them and, rather, is a ravenclaw

At first, I grin at it, watching my lone message appear into the empty chat. It’s so freeing--so powerful to send it. I pride myself, in the moment, for this solid move of communication. Of course I’m fucking proud. I messaged the arse myself and gave him a space to fight.

Maybe Penny’s right, I should dial down the confrontation, but it’s just the internet. Nothing important happens through a stupid little argument over Huxley’s true Hogwarts house (although, I’m sure I know I’m right in my heart), but it is a bit of fun to fuck around with someone. It’s a distraction. And that’s why I’m here, afterall. To have a distraction.

Penny thinks it’s a bit silly, but she doesn’t really complain. All she’s ever said was  “I thought we left fandom stuff behind us when we were 14.” She said it over lunch, watching me scroll through my at-the-time new tumblr.

It’s funny, I thought I did leave it behind when I was younger. It seemed unneeded as life shifted. I’d just found a stable foster home, with someone who was going to keep me for a while. I found Penny a couple months before I deactivated my old account. I was happy; we were free. I didn’t need a venting place.

Shits been sort of hitting the fan recently, though. No uni plans, David’s been getting more controlling, and of course, Agatha dumping me. It all crashed on top of me a few months ago, and somehow, the only place that I could find healthy coping was online. So, I started fresh. Made a blog and settled in. It’s not big, but I’ve had a few posts get noticed. I have a good few hundred followers, and one nice anon who asks me how I am every few weeks. It’s not a lot, but it’s comforting.

I feel at home here, even with a little discourse.

Well, only when the discourse is answered. Which, in this situation, I don’t know if it will be, given it’s been over an hour now and Baz hasn’t answered.

If that’s even his name.

It’s what his bio says, at least.

baz. 17. cisguy (he/him). gay. don’t interact if you think huxley is remotely straight.

I’ve wondered for a while what Baz stands for. He refuses to answer it in asks; he always says it’s too personal. He’s sort of odd like that--never posts pictures of anything that could be linked back. Seems sort of creepy, but then again, a lot of people follow him. It’s reasonable to want space.

Maybe that’s why he’s not answering. He probably wants space of some sort, but it’d be at least decent to answer someone who tried to have a discussion (that’s at least what I’m calling that message I sent--a discussion starter).

I frown at my phone, keeping it on silent as I slide it into my front pocket and settle into my seat in maths. I’ll say it--I sulk in class, a little bitter that I don’t have his attention (despite the fact that he seems like he’s always active online, which seems odd). Eventually, I exhale and try to let it slip away. There went my one interaction with him. My few seconds of the weirdest fucking bliss online, gone.

Then, it happens. As the class is ending, I pull out my screen just enough to see and there it is. A clear notification telling me he’d answered. Oddly enough, it’s just him sending me a link to a Google Doc.

Weird.

I ignore it for the moment being, letting myself ride the wave of relaxation that I actually got a reply. It passes my mind until I’m sitting in the back of Agatha’s car, listening to Penny and Aggie in the front talking about whatever’s on their mind. The rides are sort of awkward as of recently. At least Agatha agreed to drive me home (it’s a good 45 minute walk, if not) after some convincing from Penny, but her and I don’t really chat. It’s just the two of them.

Given that time, I have a chance to pull out my mobile and thumb through what was sent.

gaystrell: https://docs.google.com/document/d/175qFASmqD7hey8lE0eoE-6VhhFYE9DP6bpnI32Aay98/edit?usp=sharing

I click on it, not expecting that much (or, really, not expecting anything at all). Yet, the second it pops up and loads, my jaw drops.

“Jesus fuck,” I say aloud, scrolling through it. Penny turns her head, frowning as I stay locked on my screen.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“No--no nothing,” I say, waving a hand. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s got to be something for that reaction,” she says, keeping turned in her seat as she eyes me up. “Just tell us, Si.”

“I mean it when I say it’s nothing.” My voice gets quieter as I shift, reading the title. “It’s just fandom stuff. It’s really nothing.”

I hear her disgruntled huff as she turns back, mumbling something about me reacting too dramatically to this. “It isn’t even real.” It’s said under her breath, yet it still rings clear in my ears.

It isn’t really fake, either.

Hell, this is six pages of real. “Why Huxley Gastrell is, Without a Doubt, a Ravenclaw”. Shared by Basilton Pitch (is that his actual name?!). Fucking hell, it’s detailed to no ends. You’d think, with this much writing, there’d be pages of pointless filler where he’d just type “im gay hi huxley is also a gay we’re all gay here aren’t we”, but no. It’s full, grammatically correct sentences detailing his points.

It’s a bit much to read in the car, so I settle my mobile face down onto the seat as I’m left reeling. That… was a bit more than I’d expected.

Shit, did he write that for me?

This isn’t real. This can’t be real.

BAZ

Whoever says that having a flair for the dramatics is pointless has clearly never met me, because I wouldn’t quite call this masterpiece of an essay “pointless”. In fact, I should send it to academics. Rename it “A Study In Multi-Dimensional Characters and their Associated Generalized Personality Traits”. I’ll be hailed as a genius, as I deserve to be.

I crack my knuckles, and see the little person pop up.

Surely enough, it’s @bi-sammy’s name that he has listed online, Simon. It’s curious, he has his last name listed as “Snow”. Although, the smallest part of me believes it’s a pseudonym. Given our interactions, I doubt he’s clever enough to think of a solid pseudonym. And, even at that, why pick Snow?

Either way, it’s surprisingly endearing. Simon Snow. Sounds sweet. Sounds innocent.

I watch his cursor turn on, then his icon goes grey after a few moments. My heart starts to trip, making my cheeks begin to flush. Is… he ignoring this?

No. He can’t be. I put in hard work and dedication into this work, and I deserve the respect I’d sent into it. Fucking hell, three fully developed points (his devotion to intellectual work, his effort to step out of public light for Sam’s sake, and his overall lack of ambition for moving forward). I clearly set it out, and ended it properly; I’d proven that Huxley is a Ravenclaw. Case and point, opinion made, the end.

And, here I sit, watching him have the audacity to open it up then close it back. That was my hard work put in there, and he closes it? Who in the name of all that is sacred thinks he’s that above other people to the point where he just ignores--

Oh. He’s back on. Nevermind.

He’s… probably a school student. It’s roughly the time that most classes end, I suppose.

I make a mental apology to him, despite having never ranted directly to him in the first place.

He stays active for a good bit; long enough to show he’s reading. I assume that he’d just close off and message me, but after minutes, I notice a little highlighted comment pop up on the last sentence.

Simon Snow i………. owe you every single possible apology

Each word makes me grin like I haven’t in a while. A wide, cheek-creasing grin. There’s something so sweet to that--so personal. It feels like a note passed to me in a classroom under the tables. Like a cute “Blink if you like me”, although I doubt he has quite an intention.

Nevertheless, it warms my chest, sending my head back as I smile. I’m not sure whether or not it’s the satisfaction of winning, or his words, but I laugh outwardly into the room. It stays with me, reverberating onto my skin and my throat.

I look back at the comment, then leave it untouched. If he won’t remove it, then I won’t either.

With a glance at our personal messages tab, I figure that’s that. Even field, no more argument. No more interaction. It’s a bit of a shame, given the effort I’d just extorted for his sake, that he hasn’t answered in our chat.

While I’m disappointed to close off the document, I smile at it one last time. Sometimes I have to move on from random people, especially when they come on a bit strong.

Except, I find, moments later that I’m wrong about one thing--the moving on. He didn’t just stop his interaction, but instead made a public post.

“@bi-sammy mentioned you in a post!”

This time, I really laugh. A full bellied, hand-covering-mouth laugh.

i guess i have to suck @gayhuxell’s cock now because i was wrong and the bloody arse was right. huxley is a ravenclaw.

#fuck me i guess

I take a minute, rereading over his words a few times before typing a simple answer with my reblog.

i’m available anytime behind a mcdonald’s parking lot

[overdrivels]

The Hanzo-disliking anon here. I would have actually preferred discussing this w/ you privately but I prefer to be on anon for the whole "doesn't like a beloved popular character" thing. The reason I don't like Hanzo is how he seems to have the audacity to act like the offended party with Genji when he's the one who did wrong. It's not even that he doesn't realize he did wrong. He abandoned his clan due to guilt. I can't for the life of me understand what appears to be his victim complex. (1/2)

(2/2) He goes around calling Genji “trash” to his face in the Japanese version of OW for goodness’ sake. That Genji is dead to him and stuff. It could be that he feels Genji betrayed him by refusing to join the Shimada business or that he feels like his redemption quest has been for nothing, but those are terrible reasons and don’t excuse his shitty behavior. I’ve been trying to think of what the writers are trying to go for with him, but I just can’t imagine anything that justifies his attitude

(3/2 I miscalculated 2 asks aren’t enough) I hope I didn’t come off as a jerk. I have no issue with people who like Hanzo and I don’t want to disrespect or undermine them. I’m just irritated at how self-entitled the character seems to be. The reason I actually brought this up with you is bc I was hoping you’d have some insights on this that will help me understand why he’s the way he is.

You’ve been very respectful in the way you express your opinions and well articulated in your reasons, so I’m actually extremely happy that you’ve presented this to me and feel comfortable enough to share. (You have no fucking clue how pleased I am to have a discussion like this, really.)

This is rather long (very long), so I’m placing this under a cut. To everyone else, please be mindful of each other’s opinions, especially when it’s being conveyed so civilly. Understandably, if you are of the opposite opinion, you may feel angered, but I ask that you refrain from attacking anyone and if need be, present your opinion and thoughts in the same manner as this anon.

(I also ask that this doesn’t get reblogged because I don’t think I can handle my inbox getting wrecked by people who weren’t initially a part of the conversation or know the context of the entire discussion leading up to this.)

I’d be happy to discuss it with you on chat or something, but as it is, this’ll have to work. I’m going to preface this by saying that Hanzo doesn’t need to be (shouldn’t need to be?) justified as a character because sometimes, a character does shitty things and that shittiness (shittyness?) needs to be acknowledged and not justified for any reason because there’s no good enough explanation.

(I’m sure we’ve all experienced or done something like that in real life–did something so inexcusable without proper explanation, but there really isn’t one, and we have to accept it as is.)

I think it’s easy to look at the singular action of Hanzo killing Genji in a vacuum. Based on that singular event alone, and seeing how Hanzo acts afterward, it’s very easy to paint him as an asshole whose actions are inexcusable and he doesn’t deserve to claim that he’s the one who is hurt. In which case, absolutely. He should not act like he’s been wronged when he’s the one who started it.

But what if we start further?  

I want to look at the cause and what could’ve led up to it. Not to justify it, but to see where this could’ve come from. It’s my own opinion, but I think that people are very used to writers having their characters as is–no background unless it’s relevant to the plot, no thought of what sort of life they’ve lead up to this point, and is presented as a given. However, I see that the Overwatch team has put some effort into characters (the level of effort can be debatable, but I’m not interested in debating that), so I want to show some level of respect to the writers by trying to dig a little deeper into where, why, how–who is this character?

And I think a lot of it may have come from Hanzo’s circumstance, his relations with his brother, and his past. To understand it, we have to take a deeper look into Japanese culture (or Asian culture, in general). Now, I can’t claim that I have a complete understanding of anything, so a lot of this is just what I know (and perhaps experiences) and some speculation and logical deductions.

In life, Genji was given a freedom that Hanzo, as the eldest and the heir to a criminal syndicate, never truly enjoyed. That isn’t to say, however, that Genji didn’t have his own fair share of troubles. 「一族の恥」(ichizoku no haji)、the clan’s shame/the embarrassment of the clan is what they called him. We can leave the discussion about Genji for another day, but let’s look at how this affects Hanzo.

So from birth and even after his father’s death, he was held to a strict standard. Everyone was watching him. He was chosen by the dragons. He must not make a mistake lest he bring shame to his entire family.

In Japanese culture (and Asian culture), losing face is probably one of the worst things that could happen to you. In Western culture, it’s not that big of a deal if you embarrass yourself a little or you’re not as successful or you don’t have the respect of your subordinates. People will tease you about it, and move on.

In Asian culture, you’re pretty much fucked. No one will let you forget it, it becomes a part of you now. You will lose the respect of everyone around you, and depending on the level of face you lose, every piece of success you’ve built up can be lost in a second. It is an integral part of your identity and society. Losing face could make you a nobody, scorned, and an outcast. It can affect your job, your family, relations with neighbors, cost you that raise or promotion–it’s a big deal that cannot be contained to the words, ‘embarrassment’ or ‘shame’.

(For example: you’re at someone’s house and you’ve finished off your glass of juice, but you’re still thirsty, so you reach for more from the fridge. You’ve now made the host lose face because, by getting your own drink, you’ve shown your host that they suck at what they do and should be more attentive to you, their guest. You’ve made your host lose face. Now your host is embarrassed and that’s going to be a mark on them for a long, long time. If there were other people there, they would notice this, too, and give that person shit. This sounds absolutely silly because it’s a glass of juice, but it’s a big deal.)

Hanzo was losing face. He couldn’t control his brother. That’s a deep scar on his image, on everything he’s built up in his life. For Sojiro, his father, it was less of a deal–he let Genji do it and probably made it openly known that this was acceptable. And no one will go against Sojiro, the master of the clan and who could have them all killed in an instant.

But Hanzo?

He doesn’t have that rapport yet, so he’s subject to the scorn and nasty comments of his elders and the like. (I’m assuming there are elders and those in the clan who are of a high power that Hanzo cannot take action without consulting. It’s kind of like a Japanese company. While a President delivers the decision, the decision isn’t made it without consulting those who are affected and knowledgeable.) He can’t defend himself against them. 

Why? 

Because of the hierarchy. There’s a very specific type of hierarchy in Japan that’s difficult to explain because to understand it, you have to understand the intricacies of the culture and the dynamic of the clan, which we don’t particularly have.

(There’s a very good post about it by someone about Hanzo losing face on tumblr, but I can’t seem to find it at the moment.)

Regardless, that must’ve built up a lot of tension and repressed anger that he wasn’t allowed to express. Expressing your anger is not taken the same way as in the Western world. It’s…well, not to say it’s not acceptable, but it’s not taken the same way as it would be outside of Japan.

So, Hanzo has quite a bit on his plate. Why can’t Genji just do what he’s told? Why does he have to stand out? (As a side note, standing out in Japanese culture or disrupting the status quo is not looked kindly upon.There’s even a saying in Japanese: a nail that stands out gets hammered ( 出る杭は打たれる ).) So Genji’s defiance is another point of contention. Why does he have to keep disobeying his elders? Hanzo is Genji’s older brother. It’s his absolute responsibility to make sure his brother is kept in line. That’s the burden of being the eldest. If Genji isn’t in line, Hanzo has failed in his basic duties in being an older brother. (The implications are much more serious, and I’m not quite sure how to express it.)

He may be acing his studies, and listening to his father, but he can’t seem to exert the right amount of authority over those who should be listening to him. And his father isn’t helping by letting Genji do what he wants. He also has this constant pressure to do better because his best isn’t enough from both his family and the clan. Logically, they wouldn’t follow someone who is weak or doesn’t have his shit in order. But he doesn’t. There’s always something tripping him up, and that’s his brother. Not to blame Genji, because again, he has his own share of troubles, but from Hanzo’s point of view, he was likely the source of a lot of his resentment.

In short, Hanzo is a failure. His accomplishments, his perfectionism, none of it means anything if he’s constantly getting shit thrown back at his face.

I seriously believe that all the lines he says in-game to himself such as, “Never second best,” or “Unworthy,” or “You will never amount to anything!” were all just Hanzo projecting.

In the Japanese version, he refers to Genji as 「くず」 (trash). I don’t know what to make of this. I could take the angle that it’s Hanzo projecting onto Genji still, or I could speculate that he truly believes he’s superior, or take it a little more neutrally, he’s repeating what everyone else calls Genji. But if I had to guess, it’s a mixture of everything. This is something that stumps me a little bit, but the above is the best explanation I have for it.

When Hanzo becomes the master of the clan, he was probably told to put Genji in line. And Genji didn’t want anything to do with the clan. He wanted to live his life, enjoy it. But that sort of enjoyment came with certain responsibilities that he has shirked since the time of their father. But with Hanzo as the new leader of the clan, he had to put Genji in line or…do something about it.

It’s very likely that the rest of the clan saw this as an opportunity to make their name good, to get rid of those who stood out, to right everything. Their new leader is young and inexperienced without his father to protect him. So, Hanzo was presented with those two choices: straighten Genji out or kill him lest you bring more shame to the clan.

Now, Hanzo is given an opportunity to redeem himself and his image and the clan’s image. This goes beyond the redemption quest he set out for after Genji’s death. I think he was on one even before then. He can save face and fix everything if he listens to his elders (his betters in the hierarchy). He can fix everything if he can get rid of the problem–Genji.

He did it. He did not take an insult to his power passively, he rectified it by putting an end to it. He restored confidence in his clan as an assassin, as master of the clan, as his brother.

…but it wasn’t so.

After killing his brother, we all know he left the Shimada clan. We’re not sure if it was immediately after or some time after. The timing may be very significant, but as we do not readily know, we’ll skip over it for now. We can easily call his leaving an act of cowardice, or the result of his guilt, or that he wanted to do something he always wanted to do but never found an opportunity to do so. He wanted to leave. He wanted the freedom that Genji had, but couldn’t have because his immediate family still existed.

By leaving, he thought for himself for once.

Ah, not to mean that he was blindly following anyone’s orders or anything, but for once, he thought of himself. He was selfish. In Japanese culture, the collective comes first. The clan, the whole of Hanamura, the whole of society comes first.

But for once, Hanzo became selfish, and so, left everything behind. Here’s the funny thing though, by killing Genji, he found a way out for his freedom, but by killing Genji, he also managed to never fully express the envy and hate he may have had for his brother.

In many or most cultures, you’re supposed to revere the dead. It’s pretty much the same in Japanese culture.

Now he’s been mourning for ten years, still unable to express that hate that he has supposed buried when he killed his brother. And guess who shows up? Genji. Back to sling shit into his face again. Not only is he a failure as a brother for being unable to keep his brother in line, as the master of the clan by leaving, but also as a killer by having one of his most life-altering kills come back from the grave.

So, under such circumstances, I would absolutely be pissed beyond hell and vent in almost any way I can because pride is a fragile thing. Or at least, it is for Hanzo.

But here’s an interesting thought: I also wonder if he knew, deep down, that it would come to this. He didn’t seem entirely too surprised beyond the first few seconds. As a matter of fact, he seemed to have gone back to something more childish, acting almost immediately like a big brother–scolding his younger brother for something and telling him to get his life together. He slips into the role almost too easily.

We can chalk it up to shock, but couldn’t it be that he also knew he never actually dealt the finishing blow and that’s been nagging at him this whole time? Not that he gave his brother a chance to live, but that he let his brother suffer. If you’re going to kill someone you love, you’d make it quick and painless, right? We can argue that he never loved his brother, but we can also argue that he was warring with himself and couldn’t bring himself to do it.

I must sound like a broken record, but to me, it’s very interesting to speculate and think about. There are so many angles we can take on this and the possibilities are endless. But it could also be that his character could also be very simple broken down as an man who mistakenly thinks he is being wronged all the time.

But yes, your thoughts are valid and meaningful to me in a way that I can’t explain. They also gave me some perspective on why some people might not like him, and I really want to thank you for helping me expand my horizons. In light of that, I hope I’ve been able to articulate why he may be the way he is, whether he is justified in his behavior or not is a completely different story. I’m just interested in why.

(There was a lot more I would’ve love to elaborate on, but I think this would’ve actually turned into a research paper. I hope this has been helpful and sufficient in answering your questions even though it’s a little disorganized in its presentation. Again, it’s perfectly fine to dislike a character–not all characters are made to be liked, and not all people are expected to like all characters.)

[larryrickard]

lets get personal.

i know this is supposed to be an ask meme but i’m fucking bored & no one ever sends me them, so.  also i’m kinda pissy rn unfortunately so forgive pls some of my answers lol

01: 6 of the songs you listen to most?:  idk.  mostly i listen to everything on random anymore, and only in my car.  the only song i’ve listened to on repeat recently has been ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga. 02: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?:  speaking of which, lady gaga. 03: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.:  the only book near me would be all the books, as in my bookshelf.  unless you count my kindle, in which case there would be no line 17 because of the font size.  sorry. 04: What do you think about most?:  idk.  whatever my current obsession is i guess. 05: What does your latest text message from someone else say?:  “And you don't have to cook it”. 06: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?:  with.  i don’t like being naked and don’t understand those who do.  also i get cold. 07: What’s your strangest talent?:  i don’t have talents. 08: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence):  are soft and beautiful.  meh, have to earn my trust. 09: Ever had a poem or song written about you?:  a song, yes. 10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?:  a very long time.  it’s not a thing i ever do lol. 11: Do you have any strange phobias?:  i don’t think so.  my phobias are pretty standard. 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?:  when i was a kid, yeah.  plenty.  once my parents had to hold me down and tweeze a chewed up wad of juicy fruit out of my nose.  i fucking love the smell of that gum.  three year old me may have been stupid but, hey.  i was being economical.  also i blame it on my parents for, you know, giving a fucking toddler some gum. 13: What’s your religion?:  don’t have one.  former christian, which is gross.  don’t indoctrinate children, please and thanks. 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?:  walking to or from my car.  that’s about it.  :/ 15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?:  behind.  no one deserves to see my face.  rip to everyone who sees me in person on a regular basis. 16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?:  jars of clay, jimmy eat world, the elms. 17: What was the last lie you told?:  that i’m not in debt lmao.  the only time i’ve lied to my psychiatrist :/ 18: Do you believe in karma?:  no but sometimes i wish i did.  so many people deserve their comeuppance. 19: What does your URL mean?:  doesn’t really mean anything, he’s a character from the flash. 20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?:  all sorts of things?  and idk. 21: Who is your celebrity crush?:  lady gaga, angelina jolie, carlos valdes, idk if shane madej is a ‘celebrity’ but him, brie larson, michael sheen... idk, i don’t really have “crushes” but those are the first ppl to come to mind. 22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?:  nope.  and no thank you. 23: How do you vent your anger?:  lol. 24: Do you have a collection of anything?:  funko pops?  but not seriously.  i mean.  i have a lot of them bc i love a lot of characters and there are some pretty fuckin dope funkos.  but it’s not my goal in life to have a huge collection or anything.  at least i can say i have less than a hundred of them lol.  (less than 75.) 25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?:  ew, neither.  but if i had to choose, phone.  bc, you know.  my face. 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?:  lmfao no.  i mean, i’m better than the person i used to be, that’s for sure.  (see:  indoctrinated as a child, including your typical conservative bullshit like racism for starters.) 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?:  so many.  i have misophonia.  and people chewing + mouth sounds is definitely a big one.  love?  idk???  music?  rain?  my cat’s cute lil meow? 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?:  what if my thyroid issues were discovered earlier on instead of a year or more after they started.  my childhood doctor was Not Great.  it took her two weeks to figure out i had a sinus infection.  i was in the fourth grade.  still bitter about both of those. 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?:  no, ghosts aren’t real.  aliens yes.  not the stereotypical ones, but in a “given the size of the universe it’s literally impossible that we’re the only life out there” way. 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.:  right, the cat.  left, air. 31: Smell the air. What do you smell?:  nothing?  it’s my house/room, so to me it smells like nothing. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?:  uh... i’ve no idea? 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?:  west, obviously. 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?:  no such thing as ‘opposite’ gender.  of a different gender, though?  lady gaga. 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?:  who the fucking fuck knows.  literally know one knows, though tbh.  they just think they do. 36: Define Art.:  lmfao how would i know.  i don’t have a creative bone in my body so i should be the last person to comment on the subject. 37: Do you believe in luck?:  nope.  i hope it’s obvious by now that i don’t believe in fictional things. 38: What’s the weather like right now?:  cool.  cloudy.  typical oregon winter weather.  i want rain tho :( 39: What time is it?:  3:04am. 40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?:  yes.  and yes, several times.  three.  two totaled cars.  the last one is the only one that was actually my fault, though.  driving too close after it rained.  don’t do it, folks. 41: What was the last book you read?:  the diviners by libba bray.  currently reading a short history of nuclear folly by rudolph herzog.  fascinating, but kind of  depressing af. 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?:  no. 43: Do you have any nicknames?:  hal (to a very select few bc 99% of the time i hate it, so fuck you if you call me this without permission), hals, hallie bird, hallie strawberry. 44: What was the last film you saw?:  i honestly don’t know.  haven’t done a whole lot of movie watching lately.  maybe the fall (2006).  (please watch this movie, it’s so gorgeous and lovely.) 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?:  i’ve never had a serious injury.  well.  i take that back, i guess.  in my first car accident i was stopped and rear-ended at like, 40mph.  so i’ve had back issues since i was 18.  usually it’s fine but sometimes it’s bad and sometimes i can set it off really easily.  idk if that counts as “serious”, though.  lots of people have back problems. 46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?:  i don’t think so? 47: Do you have any obsessions right now?:  i guess buzzfeed unsolved and watcher.  and ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga lol.  good omens, as usual. 48: What’s your sexual orientation?:  asexual. 49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?:  yes.  thankfully only a few (that i know of, anyway). 50: Do you believe in magic?:  no. 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?:  yuuup.  they deserve it. 52: What is your astrological sign?:  taurus. 53: Do you save money or spend it?:  spend it :||  every paycheck i tell myself i’ll be better at saving it, but............ 54: What’s the last thing you purchased?:  preordered chromatica by lady gaga. 55: Love or lust?:  if i had to choose, love.  lust and all that stuff is gross. 56: In a relationship?:  nope.  shocker, i know.  (this is sarcasm.  it is no shocker to anyone as to why i’m single.) 57: How many relationships have you had?:  just the one. 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?:  nope. 59: Where were you yesterday?:  work on my day off for a staff meeting, and then my psychiatrists’ office. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?:  a few things, yes. 61: Are you wearing socks right now?:  yes.  almost always. 62: What’s your favourite animal?:  cats, then birds.  mice are p adorable, too.  i miss having them.  i haven’t had mice since middle school or early high school i think :(  i’d love more but my current cat would definitely try to eat them... same with a bird.  i’ll probably never have a bird :( 63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?:  be sarcastic and love stupid puns and bad jokes? 64: Where is your best friend?:  one is in ohio and the other is in massachusetts. 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.:  no idea lol.  i haven’t been on here much recently, and i’m never caught up anyway.  and i don’t usually pay attention to who is posting/reblogging. 66: What is your heritage?:  mostly german.  the rest is other typical white stuff that i can’t remember.  some irish?  either way idc. 67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?:  uh, rewatching some buzzfeed unsolved for the 100th time?  and playing with my tamagotchi? 68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?:  he doesn’t exist so idc. 69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?:  nope.  also, Nice™. 70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?:  incredibly doubtful. 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?:  go to work.  i love my job way too much.  i’d probably try to get someone’s attention if there was anyone around, and/or call animal services.  (there are no canals around here anyway and i don’t walk to work and ain’t gonna.) 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?:  who tf knows, i hate this shit.  i’d really rather not think about it bc it stresses me out.  i probably wouldn’t tell very many people tho.  try to find someone to take my cat :(  i sure as shit wouldn’t leave her to my parents :(  and i wouldn’t want to leave her in a shelter.  she’s already done that once and it makes me too sad. 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.:  trust.  you can’t have love without trust, though... 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?:  ‘sweetness’ by jimmy eat world, ‘fade to grey’ by jars of clay, ‘thunderhead’ by the elms, ‘bad romance’ and ‘g*psy’ by lady gaga (latter is... i hate the name but the song is so fucking catchy, ugh), ‘torn’ by natalie imbruglia, ‘bring it all back’ by s club 7, ‘... baby one more time’ by britney spears, ‘where’s the love’ by hanson, ‘who do you think you are’ by the spice girls, ‘as long as you love me’ and ‘everybody (backstreet’s back)’ by the backstreet boys, ‘black balloon’ by goo goo dolls, ‘spark’ by tori amos, ‘last beautiful girl’ by matchbox twenty, ‘push it’ by garbage, ‘i want you’ by savage garden, ‘minority’ and ‘she’ and ‘basket case’ and ‘macy’s day parade’ by green day... how’s that lol. 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?:  not giving out that kind of personal information lmao. 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?:  i wouldn’t know. 77: How can I win your heart?:  you probably can’t.  idk anyway. 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?:  sure, but lack of insanity is a better way to go.  don’t perpetuate the bullshit notion that you need to be suffering to create Great Art™. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?:  idk.  i haven’t made very many. 80: What size shoes do you wear?:  10 in women’s. 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?:  i’m going to be cremated and you probably should be, too.  just don’t get embalmed, k? 82: What is your favourite word?:  fuck. 83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.:  ‘alone’ by heart. 84: What is a saying you say a lot?:  idk.  someone who spends time around me irl would have to tell me. 85: What’s the last song you listened to?:  ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga on repeat. 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?:  blue.  then green, and in no particular order, black, grey, purple. 87: What is your current desktop picture?:  it’s boring, just the default mac catalina background lol.  i was having issues choosing a background and was getting way too fucking picky, so i just said ‘fuck it’ and have been using this one for months. 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?:  donald trump. 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?:  idk?  how much in debt i am?  lmao. 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?:  assume i’m having a night terror or am hallucinating.  and be scared. 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?:  hopefully teleportation. 92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?:  maybe when i met carlos valdes & got a picture with him.  he’s super sweet, is living sunshine, and gives amazing hugs. 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?:  so many :/  idek where to start tbh. 94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?:  i’m sex-repulsed so no thank you.  also, gross question.  get a life. 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?:  new zealand. 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?:  yes, my cousin bc he murdered my dad ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?:  no. 98: Ever been on a plane?:  many times. 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?:  indigenous people aren’t history, they still exist.  shut the fuck up and listen to them.  build a time machine to go back in time and prevent colonisers.  just straight-up kill them, we deserve it.

[jenneferofjengaberg]

I was tagged by @fortheglare :)

1. Name: Kate 2. Gender: Woman 3. Star sign: Cancer (but i don’t believe in that stuff and I am completely unlike any description of a cancer I have ever read lol) 4. Height: 5′3″ 5. Time: 6:05 a.m. [when i started this] (i went to bed super early so I could wake up when my gf got home from work) 6. Birthday: June 27 7. Favorite bands: Aquilo, Cold War Kids, London Grammar 8. Favorite solo artists: Sia, SOHN, Torres 9. Song stuck in my head: Jolene - The White Stripes 10. Last movie watched: I generally do not like movies unless they are based on books I’ve read, so I haven’t been to the theater to see anything in a long time. I think the last movie I watched was Persuasion which I have on DVD. 11. Last show watched: Wynonna Earp 12. When did I create my blog: late 2008 or early 2009, but I used tumblr infrequently until like 2010. I was mostly on LJ back then. 13. What do I post: dc shows, wynonna earp, costume dramas, politics, and a mix of other shows. 14. Last thing I googled: I searched for Winchester Cathedral because it was mentioned in a book and I wanted to see pictures of the mosaic stained glass window. It’s kind of a fascinating story. 15. Do you have other blogs: Yep. Luminous Abstraction (art/photo/aesthetic blog), Five Wallpapers (desktop wallpapers blog), and Nerd Catalogue (where I sometimes post nerdy science/history/etc. videos and articles though it’s been neglected for a bit) 16. Do you get asks: Yeah, I usually get a few a week. If they’re not anon, I answer most of them privately bc that’s just how I roll. 17. Why did you choose your url: I’ve had this screenname since I was a 15 year old hp fan and I’ve just stuck with it. I also may have been a little enamored of my own intelligence. (like i said, i was 15) 18. Following: lol you’re gonna laugh. 2,216 people. Now I’ve been here for 8 years, so I’m sure a proportion of those are inactive blogs that I just haven’t gotten around to unfollowing, but my dash is constantly updating which I kind of like. 19. Followers: ~ 5500 20. Favorite colors: purple, silver, and black 21. Average hours of sleep: It really varies because I have pretty serious insomnia. Sometimes 4-5 hours, occasionally 7-8 hours. I have been sleeping a little better since I started what’s called segmented sleep. I go to bed really early, like 8-9 pm, wake at around 2 am, and then sit up until about 7-7:30 am. Then I go back to sleep until about 9:00 am. Most days I don’t have to be to work until 10, and I live really close to my work so it works out well. It also lets me see my gf for a little bit when she gets home from work (she’s a nurse) at around 6:45 am. 22. Lucky number: I’ve always had an unreasonable love for the number 9 ever since I was a kid and found out that any multiple of 9 adds up to 9. I just found it so perfect and I felt like all other numbers should somehow work this way, but alas. However, I don’t believe 9 is lucky. I guess I don’t believe in “luck” as in an invisible force that brings either fortune or misery and can somehow be influenced by certain numbers, the repeating of hopeful mantras, or the reblogging of random photos of money lmao. 23. Instruments: When I was in elementary school I wanted to join band and my heart was set on playing the trombone (idk I just thought it cool). But I was poor, so I had to borrow an instrument from my school, and there weren’t any trombones left, so I got a flute shoved into my hands. I suspect there was a bit of sexism at play because all the trombones just happened to go to the boys. Anyways, I played the flute for like two years in elementary school, hated it, was a bitter 8-9 year old who wanted a fucking trombone, and consequently was only halfhearted about practicing the flute. My music teacher finally took it away from me in despair and thus ended my symphony career. I was in choir throughout high school and in college though. 24. What am I wearing: grey sleep shorts and a pink tank top 25. How many blankets I sleep with: Currently two, plus a top sheet. 26. Dream job: I’ve always been interested in science, so something involving a lab seems like it’d be cool to a giant nerd like me, but I’m pretty settled in my career fixing computers. 27. Dream trip: I really, really want to visit the U.K. I want to see Scotland, and all the old big houses and castles in the U.K. countryside and the ancient churches and shit. I love that stuff. 28. Favorite food: Macaroni and Cheese, the homemade kind. 29. Nationality: Sadly, American. Let’s not talk about it. 30. Favorite song now: I just heard “Burn It Down” by Daughter a few days ago and I’ve played it quite a few times.

I’m not tagging anyone because it’s time for me to get back to sleep for a bit, but if any of my followers want to do it, consider yourself tagged by me lol.

[virtualbrownie]

Get to know me tag

This blog is not dead...I promise....but go check out my ace attorney-centric sideblog!! @court-ships​ #shamelessselfpromo

Anyways I was tagged by @xxprincessjewelsxx​ fifty fucking years ago (just kidding it was in march...which does feel like ages) to do this tag and well!! im catching up on all my shit so!!

Rules: Answer the 20 questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better. 

NICKNAME: my name is four letters long and everything except the first letter is a fucKING VOWEL soooooo????? but @hamzzikwon​ likes to call me ‘jojo.’ ugh

GENDER: female

STAR SIGN: scorpio

HEIGHT: i’m like. really fucking short. like REALLY fucking short. like five feet and maybe an inch. who even knows.

TIME RIGHT NOW: 11:45 AM, a few hours before my piano lesson and i still haven’t fixed my music essay :’)) and im doing this instead

LAST THING I GOOGLED: “trucy wright” because bITCH THIS GIRL IS FUCKING PRECIOUS LIKE wHaT a fUckiNG bbaBe uGh go!!! my magician!!

(what’s weird is that i’m so attached to new generation ace attorney characters even though i haven’t played the games with them yet?? like i have apollo justice and i played the first case but i haven’t gotten back to it yet and even so i just ??? really??? love??? klavier and apollo and trucy ??????? idek why)

FAVORITE BANDS: seventeen stan <33

FAVORITE SOLO ARTISTS: ailee, halsey (been playing hopeless fountain kingdom on repeat ever since it came out)

SONG STUCK IN YOUR HEAD: “talking to the moon” by bruno mars because last night i was crying in joyful agony over @kilometresrufflefuck​‘s old fanfiction by the same title (check it out on ao3!!! i really love and rec)

LAST MOVIE I WATCHED: harry potter and the deathly hallows pt. 1 (i think) with @hamzzikwon​ and @t-asuna2000​ on independence day

LAST TV SHOW I WATCHED: crIMINAL MINDS (i’m a sucker for this show and law and order kms)

WHEN DID YOU CREATE YOUR BLOG: (had to check my archive for this whoops) may 2015...and since then i’ve gone through like three different fandoms whoops

WHAT KIND OF STUFF DO YOU POST: shitposts i just reblog shit and occasionally answer asks but gO ON MY AA SIDEBLOG FOR ACTUAL WRITING!! (why the fuck do i keep promoting myself i need to stop) (*whispers* my aa sideblog is solely ace attorney...even though i do slip up and reblog some other shit)

WHEN DID YOUR BLOG REACH ITS PEAK: hmmm well since i’m not like an actual active user that posts and has a legit following idk...i don’t really think i’ve actually reached a peak lmao

DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BLOGS: hAHA MORE SELF-PROMO (sorry i sound so fucking ostentatious please let me live) 

@court-ships​, my ace attorney sideblog! visit for just ace attorney related reblogging stuff and my occasional fic posting (since i can’t ever seem to remember how to make a masterlist on tumblr)

but i did write something on ao3 that i haven’t finished posting on tumblr so go check it out!! under the same username :)) 

DO YOU GET ASKS REGULARLY: uhh kinda?? well i wouldn’t consider them regular but i do get asks a lot for some reason....and they all build up so it looks like a crap ton whoops bUT as you can see i’m trying to clean through this blog rn and answer stuff and tags and yeah :))

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR URL: i had this ongoing joke with an old friend about brownies and since i decided to use it for my social media i just added virtual to it lol

FOLLOWING: 358 but there are probably porn blogs that i forgot to block lmfao

POSTS: 16,396 (damn)

HOGWARTS HOUSE: gryffindor

POKEMON TEAM: sorry idk

FAVORITE COLORS: yes black is a shade but i love it

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: well now it’s summer so 9-10 hours

LUCKY NUMBERS: 4, 8, 24

FAVORITE CHARACTERS: from which fandoms

ace attorney: apollo justice, trucy wright, klavier gavin (i just love this trio so fucking much) and also pearl fey. my favorite villain from ace is probably dahlia and i fucking HATE her as a character but from a writer and consumer’s perspective she’s fucking brilliant and great like hooly shit!!!! harry potter: hands down luna lovegood and also i love ron like i relate to him on a spiritual level yuri!!! on ice: makkachin probably otabek...but i love all the characters. what a precious lot.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW: soft maroon tee and shorts

HOW MANY BLANKETS DO YOU SLEEP WITH: one, it’s pink and it has pigs on it and it’s great. i love it so much

DREAM JOB: this is such a conflicting question for me bc sometimes its really hard for me to discern dream in the way everyone else does. people always say dream job as in like what you want to do, mostly without financial concern but in a dream, to me, i am AT LEAST financially stable, which is like a first priority for me (this probably isn’t good but that’s what kind of mindset i have, courtesy of my parents) and like...enjoyment and happiness second kinda???

i do kinda want to be a lawyer but i guess my true dream job is being an author. but just saying it is really like unreal because i don’t have that much confidence in writing and my passions wax and wane really easily and im just a mess as you can probably see

DREAM TRIP: i’d love to visit everywhere tbh but top destinations are japan, germany, and the netherlands (though i do dream of living in the netherlands rather than just visiting)

and i’m done!! except for the tags.

tagging: @yuikishirohana​ @xxsycoticsadiexx​ @nohmasked​ @team-dynamike @jaqueen152 @fluffynarwhal7 @cupcakesoryu @senchoubutter @katachana @randomseventeen @sinnam0n-roll @ninja-shinigami @shadowdui @mrsericajackson @seemesmiling007 @the-fallen-otome-angel @nasica @socialist-samurai @p-rince-zer0 @living-out-a-nightmare

to the people i tagged: you don’t have to do it :)) i do hope to get in touch with all of you since most of you are long-time mutuals <33

[kotsume]

gif coloring tutorial

if you want to find out how to go from this:

to this:

keep reading :)

EDIT: i DO NOT color like this anymore. this tutorial is sooo old omg.

okay. i’m assuming you already know how to make a gif. if not, check out my gif tutorial. it shows you how to capture frames and assemble a gif using kmplayer and photoshop. 

btw, the reason why you can see me using a preset is because i’m not going to go back and redo a gif i already made a psd for.

all you need is photoshop. i’m using CS6 in this tutorial bc it’s what i used in the gif tutorial. 

before you read this, just know that you need to play around with adjustments to find what you like (and that i frequently cuss in this tutorial).

1. curves

curves are basically used to change the overall tonal range of a picture. 

i made the gif lighter in this instance, but curves can also be used to make pictures darker. it just depends on how you bend the curve (rule of thumb: up curve = lighter // down curve = darker)

2. hue/saturation

hue: changes what hue the colors in the pic are and affects all colors so use this with caution. if you find that the hue adjustment is changing too many colors and the gif doesn’t looks really good, move on to selective color.

saturation: changes how intense the colors are (i don’t use this too often)

for this gif, i shifted the hue slider to the left (-17) to give it more of a cyan hue.

3. selective color

you’re going to see me repeat this step again like 2 other times.

i fucking love selective color btw

selective color lets you modify one color without touching the rest.

you can take a color (red, yellow, orange, green, cyan, blue, magenta, black, white, neutral) and manipulate it using the sliders to change that color’s hue/tone/saturation. for example, you can make blacks super dark and rich or turn blues to purples using the sliders. 

the hue sliders are pretty self explanatory. examples: to increase the amount of magenta in the color red use the magenta slider and swish it to the right; to make a dark blue pastel purple, in the color blue, use the black slider and move it to the left to decrease the color’s pigment and use the magenta slider to increase the amount of pink in the blue (pink + blue = purple). 

in my opinion, this tool is something you’re going to need to experiment with. you won’t get it right with the first try.

depending on when you use selective color, your gif may turn out with a different look. using multiple selective color layers allows for the precise adjusting of colors.

for this gif, in the color black, i moved the black bar all the way (+100) to the right, which made it very saturated and dark (i wanted no-face to stand out).

4. brightness/contrast

brightness: make the highlights lighter/darker.

contrast: make the shadows lighter/darker.

i just made it brighter (+50) for this gif bc i attempted to make it a pastel gif

5. selective color

again, this is me making the color black in this gif darker.

6. selective color

so now i’m manipulating the cyans and blues.

i’m making the cyans and blues in the gif more prominant by increasing the cyan, magenta, and black. i’m also making it less green by decreasing the yellow in each color.

7. selective color

this basically made the gif pastel-looking.

i used this to make everything lighter and more pastel bc it didn’t make no-face look gray; he was still very dark (which was how i wanted him to be).

changing the black setting for the color neutral won’t always work in making gifs pastel. it just happened to do so for this one.

8. save as a gif

make sure the gif is under 3mb

make sure the width is above 540px (that’s tumblr’s current width for the desktop dashboard)

if there is pixelation, try using surface blur (lol idk how to use that with a gif)

please do not steal/claim this coloring as yours.

the end result is this gif:

❤  like and reblog if you found this helpful  ❤

[zacfaq]

PLEASE DON’T SEND ME “PASS IT ON” MESSAGES !! as sweet as some of they are they can be really annoying. i don’t check my PMs here! if you need to get ahold of me either send me an ask, or email me.

apparently necessary reminder: google exists! i’m not a know-it-all source, honestly i shouldn’t even be your second plan after google unless it’s a question specifically based on me or something relating to me

i try to avoid fandom drama as much as possible and keep a generally positive space, so please don’t come and ask me about stuff like that. thanks. 

if you want to commission me please send an email to zacharyjackbaron@gmail.com. do not email me through this address if your intentions are purely social and not work related

-what do you use to record and edit your speedpaints?

i use OBS to record, and edit in sony vegas

-what do you use to draw?

huion gt-191 and clip studio paint

-what are your pen settings?

just the default settings. all my custom stuff/things i’ve downloaded from CSP assets are just things i think look neat but probably never end up using. 

-a blog called papersans is claiming to be you! are they a thief?

that’s literally me, i use it to archive my art so i can find stuff easier without having to hunt through my tag. also available for people who just want to see my art n not my other posts

-when is your birthday?

february 6th!

-what is your sexuality?

gay. i like men.

-how long does it take you to draw?

idk like. awhile? sometimes 45 minutes sometimes four hours sometimes a week. 

-can i draw you/your ocs?

of course! pls show me after it would make me very happy !!!!! 

-favourite band/singer/musician?

i don’t know a damn thing about myself here’s a spotify playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Zk5o5g7nMnGt0vrJVEcDq?si=7cd248a0b64046ee

-will you do art for cheap/free?

nah. art is currently the only job/income i have, if ur interested in commissioning me you can either find my prices on like, any of my pages, but if not ur more than welcome to email me @ zacharyjackbaron@gmail.com and i can give you prices there !! -(venting or something involving abuse, suicidal thoughts, self harm, bullying, eating disorders, or other similar things in real life situations. even in fiction i’m iffy.)

i hate to sound rude or not be of help, but please don’t send these messages to me. they send me into horrible anxiety  for several personal reasons. if you’re having such negative thoughts i implore you to speak to someone you trust without an anonymous mask, or do your best to seek help from a professional. i have my own things to worry about and as much as i’d like to help, i simply can’t.

-(asking for advice that isn’t related to art)

i would love to help but i’m not an ~all knowing source~. i can’t give you tips for school. i can’t give you tips for life. not only will i probably not know a solution for you but there’s likely a chance i’m in just as bad a situation as you/going through the same problem, as silent as i am about my personal life. also don’t use ‘asking for advice’ as an excuse to vent about things or to send me a paragraph describing in depth something listed above/that’s potentially triggering. thank you.

even if you’re looking fr art tips i’m not a great source i’m still learning, ur best bet is looking for already existing sources and reading through those bc i don’t preach the word of Art God. i’m also awful at explaining things

-why didn’t you answer my ask?

Main reason is i’m just really really bad at socializing, so it’s not anything on u. i’m almost always low on energy and when i do talk to people it wears me out really quick. i’m also just. not gr8 at talking in general so if i can’t think of a reply i tend to just leave things n then end up forgetting about them

-how do you draw [blank]?

honestly my art style is such a fucked up thing that’s so personalized to my own use i can’t do or make tutorials. the best i can do is direct you to my youtube.

-can we do an art trade?

sorry, i’ll have to say no. i’m not necessarily busy but i get stressed very easily, so i try to keep my art to either personal stuff or work ! if you would like art from me, please considering commissioning me! mutuals and friends may be the exceptions here if they catch me at a good time or we make plans well ahead to do smth when we’re both free to work on stuff

-can we be friends?

please don’t ask this. i’m awful enough at socialization as is and i just don’t fit well with most personality types. not to mention this is just overall a bad question. it backs the person being asked into a corner where they either have to say “yes” and end up in a friendship that actually isn’t working out and is maybe only good for one side bc they’re getting any and all of the benefits, and if they say “no” they look like a total dick bag and come across as an ass. don’t ask this question. it’s not how socializing works. it’s not how friendships work. thanks. -can you tag [blank]? unfortunately i’ve been a real bad place in terms of memory so i can’t tag tons and tons of things. i try and tag more general/basic things but i’m sorry i’ll have to pass on specifics. if i post or reblog things that trigger u or harm you it might be best to unfollow for ur own safety!! very sorry

if it’s specific words you’d like tagged please consider blacklisting the word itself. 

-how tall are you?

i’m 5'11".

-can you promo me?

i’d rather not, doesn’t sit well with me. if you have a commission post you want me to reblog i’m happy to! but i won’t just do text based handouts, y’know? not a fan of being used for visibility for no reason, and chances are if i do it for one person it’ll happen with hundreds of others and i don’t want my blog to turn into a free advertisement zone that just floods peoples’ feeds with promotions.

-you reblogged something from someone extremely problematic/unsafe

thank you for letting me know! tell me what it is they did, even better offer proof on it. i’ll likely delete the post and blacklist their url to hopefully prevent their name popping up on my blog in the future. i won’t publish these asks mostly to avoid discourse or in the event false information is provided. sorta just safety precaution i guess

-you’ve done something bad

again, thank you for letting me know! if i post or say something questionable please feel free to message me and i’ll try my best to address the issue and adjust accordingly. i’m aiming to grow as a person so critique is welcome, both on me and my artwork. don’t just come up and call me an asshole or a prick or something, actually point out the errors and explain why they’re wrong so i can better understand and it doesn’t just turn into a defensive round of who’s worse, because i tend to be a very defensive person.

-i think someone is stealing/reposting your art!

thank you very much for telling me! don’t message them right off the bat, come to me first and i will deal with it. i’ve dealt with this shit tons of times and it’s tiring as fuck but i’d rather repeat the same stupid civil message over and over again than start a giant calamity over something and end up with someone getting hurt. if you do get involved please stay polite about it don’t throw insults just a simple “hey this art was done by princeofmints/tv-headache/zachary jack/dirtypip/(etc my other account names) and he doesn’t want his art reposted, please take this down or add proper credit.”

-can i use your art as an icon?

sure man. only on places like instagram, tumblr, or twitter though, and proper credit in an easy to see place must be given. if a piece of art is of my ocs or especially vent art though never use it for icons. thank you.

-can i repost your art?

the answer is “no” but i know you’re going to do it anyways. easy to see credit is mandatory. if you see somebody reposting my art please let me know and i’ll talk to them. if you want to use my art in things like image edits, i don’t allow that. want to use my art in a video? if it’s something like an AMV sure fine just credit me and inform me beforehand, if it’s something like a cringe/comparison video. no. i don’t want any association with work like that whatsoever. you may not use my artwork for fanfic covers.

-can i colour/finish one of your sketches?

no. even if you don’t intend on posting it. 

-what is [insert some form of media/fandom]

https://www.google.ca/

-why do you have an entirely separate blog for your FAQ? you know you can make blog pages, right?

i’m well aware of that and originally my faq WAS set up on a blog page, but unfortunately many folks proved to be either lazy or just couldn’t figure out how to get to a blog page on mobile so i had to set it up this way for accessibility purposes.

-tons of your videos are gone, what happened to them? will they come back? can you repost them?

i set old videos on private for my own sake, i don’t like having my old content available bc it just looks old and stale and i don’t like it. there’s nothing deep about it, i just don’t want people interacting with my old stuff. as deep is it gets is i just deleted videos related to fandoms i’m sick of bc the association is fuckin annoying. these videos will not come back into public. i do keep them posted for my own reflection sake, but that’s it. don’t ask me to bring them back. don’t whine about me not putting shit back out just bc ur a little sad n gonna cry. guilting people is gross, reevaluate yourself.

if you want a song from an old video, just ask me! I’ll happily let you know what the music is in case u liked ‘em and can’t remember the titles or artists. i’ve also got a playlist full of the music i listen to so u can comb through there n see if the songs u want are there