#maybe I will do my fucking assessment

[humanveil]

deranged thoughts that make no sense but that i will post anyway cause i’m procrastinating: mitski class of 2013 is a liv & serena song specifically post 15x01 except serena is dead

[dreamlogic]

...

[measureyourlifeincake]

just took an adhd assessment and... i honestly dont see how this will be sufficient for giving me a diagnosis? i just had to take two tests, one where i had to hit the space bar when hearing a high pitch after a low pitch (as opposed to after *just* hearing the high pitch), and one where a bunch of letters flashed on the screen and i had to hit the space bar when any of them except for x popped up and like... i don't see how this has anything to do with any of the issues i actually experience in my life due to my probable adhd???? like ok i guess it has something to do with focus? which is a part of the whole adhd thing but not all of it? i did take a (very brief) adhd questionnaire as one of my intake forms before seeing this psych for the first time but that wasn't part of the assessment itself but even that (which was only like. 15 questions? maybe?) seemed like it had more to do with how i experience adhd

[pinkberrypocky]

pmmm rewatch live notes: ep 7

this episode is so good for the kyoko sayaka of it all. god the fucking tree of knowledge fruit of knowledge symbolism in this ep is SO

Kyubey is such a victim blamer

When Sayaka gets upset and ask why he didn’t tell them about the soul gems he says because they never asked which shifts the blame the them

The way he makes sayaka feel the pain of being stabbed to prove his point about teh use of soul gems is SO FUCKED

Hes trying to make them thankful to him for fucking with their souls by torturing them and saying look how bad it would have been

Mother gothel core tbh

The opening is madoka core madoka pov and the ending is homura core homura pov

I said this already but the part of the opening where madokami embraces madoka  makes me literally feral

Madoka is so upset and horrified by the realities of the situation that she is unable to accept them as reality and make decisions that have any real impact (again literally me fr)

Until the end of course

Homura looks so hurt when madoka asks her why she is always so cold

Her hair shadows her eyes and she looks at her marked fingernail with disdain

When kyoko leads sayaka to the church she is a black silhouette against a yellow/orange sky

Kyoko kicks down the door to the church and crushes a beam beneath her feet

Kyoko offers sayaka an apple before trying to convince her that being selfless is not the way to go

Sayaka rejects it 

Representative of rejecting the fruit of knowledge and stubbornly keeping naivety

Kyoko’s dad is lowkey just a cult leader who was really bad at it

The way kyoko holds the puppet of her dad up in the lore drop is representative of how she held him up in his religious efforts by making her wish

Kyoko also used to think of being a magical girl as a way to save the world but now she knows better

Sayaka is blank staring at kyoko during the whole story

She cannot truly listen to kyoko bc if she did she would see that kyoko is right and where would that leave her?

Kyoko says “If you wish for hope an equal amount of despair will come” AAAAAAAA

Homura wishes to be with madoka who is the personification of hope and in fighting for that she gets life after life of despair

Kyoko says that she only thinks about herself but that’s really not true at all otherwise she wouldn't be trying to enlighten sayaka

In a way kyoko is the same as her dad, preaching to others about how they can be saved only to never be listened to 

Sayaka condemns kyoko for stealing the food and has a weird moral high ground about not eating them because of it

As if she thinks she’s better for not having to steal

She so blinded by her view of the world at this point that she can’t recognize the class difference and privilege that she acknowledged in earlier eps

Actually speaking of the duality of kyoko’s wish reflecting her character that kind of applies to all of them

Madoka wishes to create hope/eliminate despair/loneliness and in the process makes it so that she is forever alone and takes on everything for everyone else

Sayaka wishes to heal kyosuke and ends up not letting herself be with him since she no longer sees herself as human

Mami wishes to stay alive and ends up dying in ep 3

Homura wishes for madoka and ends up in a world without her

When hitomi and sayaka talk about kyosuke and hitomi admits her feelings they are the only ones in the restaurant 

All the other seats are drawn in but empty

When madoka asks to come witch hunting with sayaka sayaka says “you’re too kind”

Mirrors what homura says often

Sayaka admits that she is failing at being a warrior of justice when she wished for a moment that she hadn’t saved hitomi so that she could be with kyosuke 

The reason she has such a big breakdown is bc this isn’t just about kyosuke its about her morals that she is living for being proved wrong in an undeniable way 

So what is she even fighting for?

When sayaka is fighting a witch that night she no longer cares about getting hurt since she knows she will be fine as long as her soul gem stays in tact

We only see her silhouette in black against a white background

Reflects her black and white thinking

The witch forms branch like shapes to attack her

Being attacked/hurt by the tree of knowledge

Blood on her face forms tears as she laughs and smiles widely

She says it works to detach herself and she doesn’t feel anything anymore bc her whole world has ended bc her ideals were her everything and now she can’t even have those

[weedpicnic]

There’s a devil on my shoulder telling me to go off my medication and never medicate my mental illnesses again and it’s my mom and it’s not imagined at all and she’s kind of starting to get to me like idk maybe ur on to something there but I don’t know how to be a person without various intermittent stimulants anymore

[justashadetalkative]

I really love open-access journals y'all

[byanyan]

had to walk to my counselling appointment in 30° heat but i found a nice, big, intact feather on the ground on the way, so. that was a neat perk

[dw-companion-bracket]

Bit late now but I think separating classic who and new who would have been a good idea and a bit fairer.

well yeah, but also that would have been kinda less interesting, i've loved watching certain classic companions narrowly gain victories from what i thought would have been obvious nuwho sweeps (thinking especially about the ian/clara match) and also seeing which classic characters have ended up being winning and iconic (hi ian). tbh if there was one thing i'd change going back to the start, it would be not putting four characters from any category through, because that's what made it possible for there to (technically only potentially but probably certainly) be an rtd-only semifinal and final, although that's also in part a problem of assuming equality across nuwho eras and classic who eras as two broad categories, and then splitting every group across the four corners of the bracket rather than, say, putting two rtd characters into two of the semifinal feeders. idk, there's lots of ways it could have been done differently, but the "unfair" results are also part of the interesting bits for me

[moviestarmartini]

visca barça at least we aren’t fascists💙❤️

come off anon and say this to my face so i can block you and keep my peace as i have been doing because i don’t like conflict.

i literally abstain of commenting on the disgusting things i’ve heard culers say about us because i simply dislike speaking ill of others and i’m able to respect completely whatever club you support, unlike whoever sent this. and this is probably the last instance i’ll do comments like this.

to have things like this dropped into my ask box when i’ve been nothing but respectful is insulting. this reason why i disliked football in the first place growing up and why im hesitant when barcelona fans follow me. if you follow me, unfollow and stop bothering me. and overall fuck off tremendously.

[possiblytracker]

caught between feeling too nauseous to eat and weighing up whether i really want to risk going hungry and unlocking Nausea² in the middle of a 3 hour intensive examination

[aeide-thea]

like, okay, context for prev reblog and also my post abt ~paranoid reading~ from this morning is that i was reading a thing [by a tradpub author of fannish origin, ftr] recently that described a corpse as "male-presenting" and an AI's self-projection as "genderless, inhuman" and i was just like. god i'm trying not 2 get my back up abt this bc i do think being a prickly reader is not, like, the best way to open yrself to art, cf isabel fall etc, but—!

[tamaharu]

my disability center appointment isnt for another two weeks???? AND its at 830 am??? oh this isnt going to be fun

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

me: *does one (1) job application and does a couple of fake ones to please social services*

also me: *depression and anxiety activate* i now regret to inform everyone that i am ready to jump off the highway bridge by my house to see if the pull of the tide of our local lake will pull me out to sea where i will die happy. thank you

[dogcollarpunk]

Posting a reminder to myself that I wanted 2 draw more dysfunctional tag team cm punk & MJF

[i-like-gay-books]

long post so i GUESS i’ll put it under the cut

so i’ve been really reflecting lately on my self diagnosis of autism, especially since i’ve been really coming into myself and managing my anxiety better than ever before, and ive been wondering whether it might be that the symptoms i thought were attached to being autistic are just how anxiety manifests in me and the things about myself that i thought proved that i dont have adhd in any way may also just be how anxiety manifests in me. because also even though ive really related with autism and the social symptoms, i’ve never really been sure i have sensory processing issues, at least not to the extent that the dsm specifies in order to be autistic. and what i really HAVE related to is the inability to just sit down and get shit done. so i took another self assessment with this clearer knowledge i have of myself and how i really function as a human being when im on my own and living as an adult and

the only ones that arent high levels are literally the ones that i can directly pinpoint as one of my biggest concerns with my anxiety. impulsivity is the one that makes adhders more likely to butt into conversations or keep going on for a long time or make decisions and later regret them. as you may have noticed i am particularly long winded when im typing, but is that true of me in real life? like at all? not really. i struggle to get two words out sometimes. i was selectively mute in my childhood. i can say for a fact that the reason for this in my hyper-awareness of the potential of making a faux pas or embarrassing myself in social situations. and i have decision paralysis due to the same phenomenon. im very aware of the potential of disappointing other people if i make a bad decision. im not sure if impulsivity would manifest itself in the “typical” adhd way if my anxiety wasn’t there, but i have no way of ever knowing that because it is.

and forgetfulness. i beat that shit out of myself when i was younger. i can clearly remember a time in elementary school, then in middle school, then in high school (before i started writing sticky notes for myself) when i would get myself in trouble just simply because of forgetting about assignments. my family is very academically oriented. my parents wouldnt be SUPER mad at me if i was trying my best and didnt get good grades, but i knew they would be disappointed if i didnt try my best. i have so many systems in place so as to never ever forget about schoolwork any more. you have no clue how revolutionary it is for me that college professors actually put all of the assignments for the semester of the syllabus. one of my biggest gripes about high school was that the teachers would just assign homework seemingly at random? it was easy to forget if you werent writing it all down, ok? and for appointments? same deal. my parents kind of took care of the remembering appointments part before i got older and by now i do have these systems in place for myself. i do often forget to make calls, mostly because i dont make a point of writing it down as a task for myself because making calls gives me anxiety. yeah.

also i sat here and took this assessment and wrote all of this instead of working on my 2000 word midterm paper due next tuesday for which i have exactly one sentence written. listen, procrastination is a universal trait, but i just felt like it was relevant.

[koishikei]

this is gonna sound ultra shitty but one of the most obnoxious things about legally having a very common spanish name and being a white american who only speaks english is that services ALWAYS pair me with providers who primarily speak spanish

and yeah it's my fault for only speaking one language but i also have an auditory processing disorder which makes it extremely difficult to understand anyone with any kind of accent (including other regional accents and dialects of english, too, btw)

like, if i need subtitles to watch tv then i sure af cannot understand you through the garble of my shitty cell phone combined with your multi-line phone from 1998