#maybe an item matching game would also have been nice like a memory kinda thing

[majoringinsarcasm]

It’s only been a day but seeing people have “beat” Fashion Dreamer and all their points about it ARE a little disappointing. I do wish they had a zoom option while styling people, since I’ve got bad eyesight I gotta double tap the home button to get it to zoom in and that’s annoying but not game ruining. And a sort by color would be Amazing especially when Muses want specific colors. (And the lack of zoom keeps making me think this navy blue too is black and a pair of shoes are black when they are GREEN)

However!! It’s super cute, I like the online mode I think that’s really fun. And now that I know what to expect, disappointed or not, I can now just treat this as a giant picrew and take more time playing around with things and making characters. It’s. The price is. What it is lol but it’s got a lot in it. Which I know doesn’t always equal More Money Is Proper but idk. I bought it, I’m gonna play it and watch other people play, I’ve heard rumor of some item update drops. Maybe if video game god is real they’ll add a zoom or a sort by color later on.

Anyway expect pictures from me eventually bc I can make RWBY in here. I don’t know if you can pose your Muses together though so hopefully that’s a thing.

[yniswaifu]

The bet - 4

F/n couldn't believe her ears when Suna apologised to her. In fact, Suna seemed like the last person to even bother with apologies. Maybe not all hope is lost, there are some people who care.

She stands there awkwardly, while Suna, even though has a poker face, was nervous as well. He himself never thought he would be apologising.

"I...hope you can forgive me one day. You didn't deserve any of that." he says after some time.

F/n, who thought everything was a dream, finally snapped back to reality. "I hope so too. I–I am extremely hurt by all of your actions. But I'm glad you realized how wrong this is. Playing with other's emotions."

Suna nods. If he hadn't noticed her not paying attention to Atsumu, if he hadn't been so bored that led him to instigate the blonde twin, then maybe if wouldn't have come to this. Maybe Osamu and y/n would still be together.

He inwardly smiles thinking about you. You were strong enough to go through with this. To confess about your misdeeds. You almost looked like a warrior princess to Suna.

He looks at f/n, who looked pretty hurt.

"I know. It's my fault. I'm sorry." he says softly.

F/n doesn't say anything, just looks at the floor. She couldn't deny her feelings for Atsumu had faded or vanished. It was still as strong as it was when they were together. But she also couldn't just succumb to the feelings.

"yes. I get it." she replies with wobbly lips. She wanted to cry as the memories of everything comes crashing back.

Suna knew she was not in the best state of mind at the moment. And as much as he wanted to give her emotional support, he felt he's the last person she will need it from. So he pats her shoulder once before leaving her alone to her demise.

As soon as she hears fading footsteps, f/n lets her tears flow freely. She had been holding it all in for the couple past days, but when she heard the apology, she couldn't control herself. Maybe a part of her was relieved to hear someone being apologetic, even though y/n was the first one to do it. But she felt the boys were more responsible than you were, and that made her more mad at the group. How dare they play with her and then act like it's a normal thing.

So when Suna calls her out near the empty staircase and apologizes first thing in the morning, she felt relief.

But then again, a part of her was also frustrated because of the lingering feelings for the boy who played her. Deep down she knows it's not worth it, but if, if only Atsumu himself falls on his knees and beg for forgiveness – she will in a heartbeat.

I don't know if I'm being pathetic or not, she thinks.

***

While walking back to class after making sure she doesn't look like she cried a river in the bathroom, f/n spots two familiar figures in the almost empty corridor. They were talking among themselves and one hit the other on the shoulder, while the other just shrugged.

At that time f/n wished the hallway was crowded so she could blend easily and reach her class. But alas, fate wasn't supposed to be by her side. Y/n spots her, and so does Ginjima – the familiar figures in question.

"f/n, hey!" Ginjima goes.

Y/n side eyes him, noticing the pink tint on his cheeks. She was the only one who knew about his crush on f/n, that had developed long before the bet took place. And because of that, he was the only one in the gang who was unaware of the situation.

F/n frowns at the bright smile. Why is he acting like he has done nothing?

Ignoring the two, she walks past them and enters her class. Y/n sighs, expecting such reaction, but Ginjima was beyond confused.

"did she just ignore us?" he asks you, bewildered.

"she got a good reason for that." you reply, looking at the direction f/n went.

"huh?"

Patting him on the shoulder, you point your head towards the stairs. It was the quietest place in the school, specially the one leading to the terrace. So you two head there, and stop at the base of the staircase leading to the top.

Leaning against the wall, you start telling him everything from the start.

"and that's why she ignored us. She doesn't know that you weren't part of all this." you say in the end.

Your cousin is in shock. He was kept in the dark because if he knew something like this was going to happen, he will try to stop it.

"how could you all do this to her?" he asks you. Then after a second he continues. "I never thought you'd participate too."

Wow, to think he will sound so disappointed.

You rub your face and sighed. "I know, I know. It's sick. And I realized that a little too late. That's why to atone for my actions I told her everything."

Your guilt hadn't left you completely. But a certain amount of burden did.

Ginjima looks at the ceiling, trying to take everything in. His crush was played by one of his closest friend, his cousin was a part of it too but she was also the one who revealed everything, and he didn't know any of it. Great.

"you should tell her you didn't know anything." you tell him. He was a nice guy, and maybe f/n would be better off with him than Atsumu.

"I don't think she will believe me." he replies, giving you a sad smile.

"then I'll talk to her."

Before he could say anything, the bell rang, signalling for the first period. You lightly punch your cousin on his arm and give me a reassuring smile. "leave it to me brother!"

With that, you turn and leave Ginjima alone looking at you wide eyed. If by clearing misunderstandings is what you're supposed to do, then that's exactly what you'll do. And maybe do some matchmaking.

***

The final bell of the day rings. F/n packs her bag and exits the class, when she sees you standing there. You looked serious and nervous.

Tired from the day and wanting to go home as soon as possible, f/n tries to walk past you when you hold her hand, stopping her. "hear me out the last time."

She doesn't look back at you, but after some time retreats her steps and stands in front of you. Crossing her hands, f/n stares at you with a straight face that said hurry up because I don't have all day.

Ouch. To get such a reaction from a junior felt insulting.

"Ginjima wasn't part of the scheme. Don't treat him otherwise." you get straight to the point.

Raising an eyebrow, she kept staring at you. You knew she didn't believe you. "trust me. Gin has had a crush on you before Atsumu even approached you. Because of that, he was kept in the dark. If he knew he would have not let this happen." you continue.

It almost looked like Ginjima was a saint among you all.

F/n's expression changed a little. She knew Ginjima was a sweet guy, and that he was always upfront about his thoughts and feelings. Now that she thinks about it, she felt a little bad for ignoring him at that time.

This is getting tiring, she thinks.

"okay." she says, and walks away. If Ginjima wasn't part of all this then he doesn't deserve the cold treatment. She looks back to where you were standing, and see your shoulders slumped.

To defend her cousin, you made it seem like you're guilty of everything, f/n thinks. I don't know if it's admirable or stupid.

As f/n walked home, everything that happened today played in her mind. First, Suna apologised. Then y/n confesses that Ginjima wasn't part of the scheme and that he liked her.

Her face heats up at the thought of Ginjima liking her. She always thought of him as a friend, but to think someone liked her with pure intentions and not as part of some dare.

"f/n!" someone calls her from behind.

Snapping out of her thoughts, she sees the silver haired boy running towards her.

"f/n..." Ginjima says, stopping in front of her and tries to catch his breath.

F/n smiled. If he was innocent, then there's no reason to not continue being friends.

"hey Ginjima." she greets him.

Ginjima looks at her wide eyed before they returned to normal. "y/n spoke to you huh."

F/n nods. "I'm sorry for ignoring you at that time." she looks at him with a sheepish expression.

Shaking his head, he eyebrows turn into a frown. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I...if I had known..."

F/n smiles and places her hands on his arm. "it's okay. You didn't know. So I'm not mad at you."

"but–"

"but it's fine." she contemplated whether she should confront him about his crush or let it be. She decided to just let it be.

"okay. If you say so." Ginjima replies, looking a little guilty.

She giggles at his expression. "don't look so sad. We're still friends."

That made him smile. Maybe he does have a chance...

"wanna walk me home?" she asks him. He nods, and they walk together, chatting about their day.

***

It was the weekend. the weekend before the national tournament. F/n was at her part time job, trying to focus on her work. But it wasn't possible. All she could think about a certain Miya. Whenever Inarizaki had matches, she would try her best to cheer for him. He would always point to her before his serves, something he hadn't ever done before. It would always make her feel so special.

It was all a lie though.

Sighing, she gets back to work when the door chimes and she says 'welcome' without looking up.

"hey."

Upon hearing a familiar voice, she looks up to see Ginjima standing there with a smile. He was in his volleyball team uniform. So they had a practice in the weekend as well.

F/n smiles and greets him back. "returning from practice?"

He nods, and places a couple of snacks on the counter. The two of them fall into a casual conversation while f/n scans the items.

"I'm kinda nervous for the game, not gonna lie." Ginjima tells you.

You smile and assure him. "you'll do well. Just give your best. After all, you all are practicing so much."

"we gotta win."

"and you will."

"what if we don't."

F/n looks at her friend. He had an anxious look on his face. "if you don't win, then work harder next time."

That makes Ginjima laugh. "aren't you an honest one."

At that f/n too giggles and the both of them are now giggling and laughing. Maybe the tension was being transferred from Ginjima to f/n since both of them seem to have lost it.

"what's taking you so lo–" a voice interrupts the two.

F/n and Ginjima both turn towards the door and sees a familiar person standing. It was Atsumu, the last person f/n wanted to see.

Her face falls in the blink of an eye. She stares at him with wide eyes, as Atsumu does the same. Shit shit shit.

"I'll...be right there." Ginjima finally says, breaking the tension.

Giving her one last look, a look filled with sorrow, Atsumu nods and exits the place. He couldn't bring himself to speak, or he would start crying.

The same went for f/n to be honest. Thankfully she was done scanning the items. Any minute longer and she would have burst into tears. Putting the things in a carry bag, she hands it to Ginjima.

He doesn't move from his place though, after receiving the bag. It was like he was hesitant about something.

"Ginjima?" f/n asks.

Sighing, he looks at her. "will I see you at the game next week?"

It was like he was expecting a negative answer. That's why his face didn't change when she replied–

"no, I'm sorry. I don't think I'll be able to come to tokyo for the game."

He nodded, clearly knowing why she couldn't attend the game. He knew the moment he saw f/n's face change when she saw Atsumu. She was still not over him.

"I see. Very well." he says, a tight smile spreading on his lips.

F/n felt bad for him. She truly did. But she also knew she won't be able to bear seeing Atsumu at the moment. Moreover he still hasn't apologized and she still hasn't forgiven him.

Ginjima exits the store to see Atsumu gone. Suna and Osamu were talking among themselves and the silver haired boy thought about the complicated mess.

"Where's Atsumu?" he asks.

"he said he'll go ahead." Osamu replies.

Nodding, they start walking back home.

Will this ever be resolved?

Poor Ginjima. I'll try to make up for his unrequited love in another fanfic, if I ever get an idea. But it seems things are going to come to a closure, finally.

Oh. Just so you know, chap 3 and 4 are set in different days. So you could say the prev chap was like a filler that takes place after this chap. I hope that clears any confusion you had :).

[am-imagines]

I see you. - Alex Morgan Imagine.

Request: “ Can I request this: Alex and r are together and the team knows and then they come out to the public in some really cute or funny way and maybe you can also incorporate some supportive reactions from the team? ”

I hope I did it justice, guys. Thank you for the patience to those that are still around. I love y’all. <3

No Beta, so you know the drill here, but I tried my best.

Sharing a room with Alex during the World Cup was somewhat rough when you were barely able to look at her without blushing. You were crushing on her since the day you met, but it was never that bad until you were on the bed next to hers.

The awkwardness that overcame you around her was odd, considering you texted practically nonstop. You became good friends like that, and there was an ease on your conversations that you’d never experienced with anyone else.

You shared so many interests, even had a similar lookout in life. You aimed for the same goals and put in equal amounts of effort to achieve them.

None of that changed the fact that Alex was stupidly handsome. Her beauty smacked you on the face whenever you looked at her and that was your downfall. It didn’t matter what you did, your cheeks would end up flushed with color and you’d stammer total nonsense that would make her chuckle. Alex would inevitably get closer to make sure you were okay, and just like that you were a gay mess.

A thing you learned quickly about Alex is that she never quit.

When you were too nervous to talk, she filled in the silence with a funny story or a new song to listen together. Free nights became movie marathons or just quiet moments where you’d work the nerves away before a match.

Halfway through the World Cup it wasn’t a rare occurrence for you to fall asleep in her bed and wake up cuddled on her side come morning.

Pointing the exact moment when your relationship became more than a friendship was near impossible. It was slow, steady and swift. One day you looked at her and realized that she was more than your friend, and when you leaned down to kiss her, she met you halfway.

This was a new side of yourself and Alex; one that you wanted to enjoy without rush or pressure. No one really knew you were into girls to start with although your crush on her wasn’t exactly subtle. Then again, everyone had to be a little starstruck by Alex Morgan when they joined the USWNT.

Once you were World Champions, you had time to explore that relationship and everything it meant to you. It was both exhilarating and terrifying with all the media swarming you, and yet no one noticed the slight changes in your demeanor.

No one really asked, and you never told.

Perhaps you just weren’t ready to come out to the rest of the world. Maybe wrapping your head around some of the details was harder than you thought. After all, you were dating Alex Morgan, for fuck’s sake!

Maybe the longing looks, the lingering touches and the secretive smiles were a few clues for the team, but if they knew or suspected something, you couldn’t tell. They were a part of your family, and in the end, they wanted you to be happy above everything else.

They would wait for you to be ready, and once things went back to normal after the victory tour, you finally were.

“How are we doing this?” Alex asked as she played with your hair. “Livestream?”

You look up at her, your head resting on her lap as you scroll through social media wondering what the fuck you’re about to do. But a second later all your attention is on her, and you find yourself breathless once again.

She’s stunning in a million different ways but you preferred this one; soft and relaxed. That was one of the perks of enjoying a quiet weekend at her place in L.A. before you went back to your respective clubs.

It seems like the National team is fond of Live Streams but it isn't how you want to come out. First because you’d become a nerve mess before actually sharing the news, and second because it isn’t original at all.

If you are about to come out to the fans and sponsors out there, you want to do so in a way they’d remember.

“I don’t think I could do it even if I tried,” you finally say.

Then it dawns on you: humor is the way you handle most of the things that would make you uncomfortable otherwise. That’s not to say you want the world to believe your relationship with Alex is a joke, but there has to be a way to come out in a funny, quirky and clever way.

“We’ll see each other in a couple of weeks, right?” You ask trying to remember the exact date when your clubs will face each other.

“Yeah,” she pauses for a second and you look up at her curiously. “Speaking of, any chance I can steal you for a night while you’re in Orlando?”

“Well, Ms. Morgan, I’m pretty sure that can be arranged,” you tell her with a coy smile. “For now, there’s some online shopping to do.”

With a kiss on her cheek and all the hesitation on the world to leave her side, you finally go to the other side of the room to retrieve your laptop. After all, you’re in a very important mission. And NWSL is the kind of merchandise you’re looking for.

For some miracle of the Gods above, you find both your jerseys in stock available for shipping within 24 hours with an extra fee. You don’t mind paying a bit more to stay on schedule, and even when you technically still have time, you like to be prepared.

It’d be nice to get your items before you and Alex go your separate ways.

You’d be lying if you say having her autograph wouldn’t be nice too.

“What’s the big idea here?” Alex asks while you finalize the purchase.

Her arms found their place around your waist and she rests her chin on your shoulder so she can see what you’re doing. Your plan is still a secret, and you want to keep it like that for a little longer.

“You’re gonna have to wait and trust me for a while.”

The smirk never leaves your face even when you can feel her little pout. It doesn’t last long, the laptop is forgotten on the coffee table and you turn on her arms to face her. A moment later you’re straddling her lap, your fingers undoing her ponytail and combing her hair until she closes her eyes.

“For now, what do you say we stop worrying about the rest of the world?”

“What should we do then?” She asks, already leaning in for a kiss.

“I think you got the right idea.”

*****

“All set?”

You scan the place one last time to make sure nothing’s missing from your bag. Nothing important since Alex has already claimed half your clothes.

Cellphone and wallet already in your pocket, and keys right on your hand, everything seems to be where it should. The rest of your things are packed and ready to go for the last flight home.

The Victory Tour ended on a good note, so now all you have to do is say goodbye to Alex.

Sharing a room with her was hard at the beginning, and you never expected that not sharing it anymore would be exponentially harder.

“Yeah,” you finally answer after patting your pockets once again. “I think-, I think I’m ready.”

“Okay.”

But just like you, Alex doesn’t really move and when she does, it’s towards you.

You’ve never seen her move as fast as she does while crossing the distance between you. But you don’t comment on it, really can’t when her arms are around you in a second and her lips are on yours.

It’s soft and yet firm. The kind of kiss that makes you weak at the knees and all you can do is hold onto her shoulders. You move with her, allow her to take control of it all as you try to burn her into your memory.

You try to memorize the softness of her lips, the silkiness of her hair between your fingers and even that scent that is purely Alex. You try to take all of it in, but you only have a moment that is over far too soon.

Technology is your saving grace, and you’re not sure what you’d do otherwise. And yet there are things you can’t convey through the Internet.

“I should go,” you whisper against her lips.

“Yeah.”

It’s hard -almost impossible-, to resist Alex. So despite the pressing matter of time, you indulge in another kiss.

Just like last time, you melt into her embrace and you consider staying there forever. It’s almost as if time stopped around you. Almost. Your alarm goes off startling you out of the daze, and you can help the little jump that makes Alex chuckle.

A step back creates just enough distance to clear your mind, the action making Alex raise an eyebrow in amusement but it’s really not your fault. She has that effect on you, has been that way for a long time, and yet she still finds it amusing.

With a tap on the screen you take care of the alarm. And there you are, right where you were ten minutes ago.

Time to go.

“Right. So...here I go then.”

“And-,” Alex adds with an excited smile, “-we have a game plan for next week.”

“That we do.”

Next week you’re playing against different teams on different days which gives you the opportunity to watch each other’s match. It’s the first step on your plan. Coming out seems like a big deal, and bit by bit the pieces get in motion.

“No regrets, right?” You ask.

This is not just about you. As big as coming out can be, this is also the reveal of your relationship with the biggest face of the USWNT. Whatever backlash you can get from this, it’ll be worse for her due to her massive following.

So you have to ask her again if she’s sure about this, if she’s as ready as you are.

“Y/n,” she calls softly as she cups your face. “No regrets at all.”

“Good,” you said with a small voice, barely believing this. “That’s...that’s good.”

You’re on this together, and yet, it’s incredible.

*****

Her match is about to start when you pull out your phone to take a selfie.

The pride colors look kinda odd on you. Maybe it’s because you spent the last few months only wearing the National Team kit, or maybe it’s because you don’t wear purple that often. But well, you’re not requesting a team trade, and it was your idea, so you can’t complain.

One of your friends already helped you take one picture of the back where Alex’s name and number are perfectly visible.

You’re practically shaking, but manage to smile as you snap the picture.

It’s something simple, really. Something that shouldn’t mean too much and yet, it does.

Pulling up your social media, you add both pictures.

  |Cheering for the Pride today. #13 show me what you’ve got. ;)

The wink is cheeky; it’s a reason for people to read into it and wonder if there’s something else going on. Which is…well, totally the point.

It’s funny to see the diverse reactions to your post. Some are confused about what you mean, some jump to call a trade that simply won’t happen; at least not that you know. But the press, oh they are ready to call it a rivalry.

It doesn’t matter how many times you two were caught on camera during the world cup being friendly. It didn’t matter if you two worked like a well oiled machine on the field during every match; Victory Tour included. They wanted to push the rivalry angle; fueled by the lack of a rebuttal from either of you.

You can’t help but laugh later when you call Alex to congratulate her. She truly showed you what she got with a couple of goals and the victory for the Orlando Pride. Those have been rare for her team lately, although you can’t blame them with so many key players also going to the World Cup.

However, the rivalry angle is fun to play with and in the end it’s the one you decide to push a little more the next day when it’s you on the field while Alex watches.

You’re already done with warm-ups and head out to the locker room to change into the kit when you hear your phone pinging with a new post. As expected, you find Alex’s post already blowing up despite it has been up for a grand total of two minutes.

   |I already showed you what I’m capable of. Now it’s your turn, Y/n.

Attached it’s a picture of Alex wearing your club jersey and although the number isn’t really showing, it’s more than obvious she’s wearing yours.

A chuckle escapes your lips while you shake your head. A question running through your head as you prepare for the starting whistle.

What the fuck am I doing?

***

A week later the press is going wild with theories about you and Alex. They aren’t sure what to make of it, but everyone has been talking about it for days. The upcoming match up between your clubs has served to add fuel to the fire, but you ignore all the fuzz of it as you prepare.

Last week you obtained the victory with a last minute goal to earn the three points. And unable to resist temptation, you had to make another post about it.

   |I’d say I’m pretty good at delivering. What do you say, Morgan?

   |TBD. See you next week.

The last part was a clue that no one seemed to catch on considering you were staying at her place instead of sticking with your club in a hotel. Of course, you didn’t share that bit of information and instead let the tension grow outside of your happy bubble.

This match is the moment of culmination if everything goes the right way. But playing against Alex doesn’t mean you’re going easy on her. If anything, being on the same field always pushes you to play the best soccer and be the best player you can be out there. It doesn’t matter if you’re wearing the same colors or not.

Being lenient with her as a rival is the kind of mistake that could and would cost you a game. You just don’t underestimate Alex Morgan. And she better not do so to you or you’ll make her pay.

Adjusting the captain armband once more, you follow your team into the field and take your place just a few feet away from your girlfriend.

“Good luck, Morgan.”

“May the best team win.”

You play your hardest on that field; push to your limits and beyond, but in the end it’s a draw. Two a piece. Of course it had to be a draw. But you left everything there.

The game became physical and you tackled Alex as much as she tackled you in order to get back a lost ball. That’s part of your motto, not giving up even if it seems like a lost cause. And considering Alex decided to date you even when you couldn’t look at her four months ago, you’d say Alex doesn’t give up either.

Well that and the couple of new bruises you have after the match.

You’re a bit disappointed with the final score; you always want to win and carry that inertia into the next game. But it’s a fair result considering how close the game actually was. You two put on a show and the fans of both teams can see that.

“Y/n! Y/n! Can you give us one moment of your time?”

Looking at the person calling for you, you have to fight the smirk as you see it’s a reporter. It’s not hard to imagine they’ve been waiting for this moment since the first post you made a week ago.

“Sure.”

“What a great game you gave us today. Are you disappointed with the result?”

You can see this is not really what they want to ask, but you don’t mind playing along giving your commentary to this question and a couple of others.

“One last question, the fans and everyone really, are wondering about this new rivalry between you and Alex Morgan. What can you tell us about that?”

Bingo.

“Oh, there’s absolutely no-”

You could feel Alex lingering around, listening into this interview while being interviewed herself by another reporter for a quote after the game. But it’s only when you’re in the middle of your answer that she takes the few steps to wrap her arms around you from behind.

“We’re dating,” she announces proudly and straight to the point.

“-rivalry.” You finish your sentence before shaking your head. “Babe, I was going to say it!”

“What’s stopping you?” Alex challenges with that smirk you absolutely adore.

“You’re impossible.“

“Yeah, and…?”

“And Alex Morgan is my girlfriend,” you answer with just a little grumble as you look back at the camera. “But we’re definitely winning the next game.”

“Not on my watch,” she counters before turning your face towards her to kiss you softly.

Whatever argument you had is gone just like that. But it’s hard to keep track of your thoughts when she kisses you. Hell, it’s impossible to think straight when she’s too close to you. That’s why it took you so long to actually talk to her.

Your relationship is still so new, and yet you can’t help but feel like you’ve known her for decades. The connection between the two of you is meant to last, and you’ve never felt your heart skip a beat as it does when you look at her.

You’ve never felt your heart hammer against your chest so madly; and that’s something considering you played -and conquered-, a World Cup. You’ve never felt so in peace as you do when you look into her eyes. You’ve never felt so happy, or so whole, or so seen...or so you.

Alex has the ability to understand everything you say, but words aren’t needed for her to understand you. In a short amount of time, Alex knows you better than anyone else in the world, and as scary as that might seem, it’s also the best thing in the world.

“If you’ll excuse us now...”

Surely there are a thousand other questions the press wants to ask. However, you have no need to stay on the field as you guide Alex back to the tunnel. The fans will be all over that interview in no time, and it’s bound to appear in every social media and every news channel.

Even with the anxiety starting to creep in, the doubts nagging at the back of your mind, you don’t let go of her hand until you have to. After all, you belong to two different clubs. But your goodbye will be short lived as you’re going to her place for the night.

Still, the time apart is a bit scary when you’re about to face the backlash of many, and perhaps the support of most. After all, you’re not the first couple -or the only one-, in the USWNT, NWSL or even women’s soccer around the world.

After another gentle kiss, you part ways to reunite with your team.

You’re hesitant for a moment; taking a deep breath to steel yourself before facing them.

As soon as they see you, the room erupts in cheers and whistles of approval. Then again, your crush on Alex Morgan wasn’t exactly a secret. And after the World Cup, they could see something had changed within you.

Of all the people out there to get you, your club got your back. And after you get a chance to check your phone, you notice they ain’t the only ones.

   |Rivalry, that’s what they call it now, uh?

Megan’s post goes along with a picture of you smiling at Alex at the end of a World Cup match. It’s obvious you were smitten with each other back then, and nothing has really changed.

  |We all know how Rivalries work. One of them has to end on top. If you ask me, my money is on Y/n.

Your blush is impossible to hide when you read Ash’s words, and that’s something that you won’t ever reply to. There are things that you simply won’t share with the world.

  |Wait, hold on. Did you guys seriously not know?

Sonnett asks in her post with several pictures taken during camp. Some of them are during team bonding or well...movie nights. It wasn’t unusual for either of you to feel particularly tired and ended up falling asleep in the same bed.

But you’re surprised to see that you cuddled before you were together.

Then, there’s the evidence of you sitting next to each other whenever you could. During breakfast, on the bus, on the bench, on the plane. At some there was hand-holding added, and you wonder, truly wonder, how you called that subtle.

  |Hottest couple out there. Sorry, Krashlyn.

Bit by bit, every single player of the USWNT has shown their support, and it acts as a wave to generate more support from the fans, and it’s so overwhelming that the few people brave enough to try and drag your name on the mud are immediately silenced.

The world is still far away from being perfect, but your friends, your teammates, your family, they sure make it better.

“Ready to go?” Alex asks when you meet her outside.

“Sure, as long as I end on top tonight,” you say with a playful wink that earns you an eye roll.

“You wish.”

[ddaengyoonmin]

Chapter one

Pairing: Jungkook x reader, eventual Ot7 x reader in later chapters

Genre: Angst, fluff, uhh maybe smut eventually??

Theme: Based kinda on sword art online a lot of similar ideas and themes kinda combining the idea of them trapped in the game, but the world is closer to ALFheim online

Word count: 2.1k+

Warnings: Swearing?..I swear a lot it can’t be contained. Giant Bees?? Not too much to warn about for this chapter but future chapters might get crazy

*check my master list for the prologue, I suggest reading it first*

Next -> Chapter 2

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A bright light shone in from a missing blind.  One of your bothersome, but too cute to be mad at cats must’ve broken it, you made a mental note to fix that later. It woke you up earlier than usual for a Friday, probably not a bad thing, you had a big day ahead of you.  Working from home had its advantages such as being able to create your own schedule.

You had set the day aside to mentally prepare for and then try out your dreaded birthday gift you had received just the day before.

The clock read 8:00 am. You sighed as you pulled yourself out of bed, startling the young calico cat who had been sleeping on your stomach throughout the night. “Sorry velvet” you mumble sleepily.  Though she should be used to the rude awakenings by now, given that you on the other hand had not gotten used to having a cuddly cat and always seemed to accidentally throw her off your lap in the mornings.   Your other cat Tiger always kept to herself and usually slept on the top of her cat tree or on a top shelf in one of your closets.

Last year when you bought your new apartment you had marveled at the spaciousness of the classy two bedroom layout.  You debated on turning that second bedroom into a room for Tiger to have all to herself, but decided that would only feed into your family’s idea you were becoming a crazy cat lady hermit. Instead it became your office, and today it was the room you decided you would try out the full dive gaming experience headset in.  You had a comfortable black leather office chair that you usually spent most of your days in while you worked on your designs.  You figured that would be fine to recline in while you went into the game.

After getting yourself a filling breakfast you fed Velvet and Tiger a little extra, not knowing how long you’d be in the game.  Part of you hoped that your mom would be satisfied if you just tried it for 30 minutes or so, then you could get back to the practical reality you preferred to live in. But you still wanted to be prepared in case the impossible happened and you actually enjoyed yourself.

You picked up the sleek looking packaging that held the headset and the game you had been given. You let out a sigh and looked over to your pets, “lets give this a shot huh?” you said, looking at them as if they could understand you.

When you arrived to your office you plopped down into your comfy chair and finally opened the packaging.  The headset was shiny and heavy, looking similar to a motorcycle helmet.  In the back by the base of the neck there was a long wire the same shade of silver as the rest of the headset.  You pulled out the instructions from the box and skimmed it over.  

“Internal battery, internal memory to store data, in game items, and achievements”

“Pre-programmed with Faerie Realm installed, no updates or installation required”

“To enter the game is simple, put on the headset and click the large button on the side of the headset and say the command ‘LINK START’”

You felt skeptical of this whole thing, but you reasoned that they wouldn’t sell it to the public if it was unsafe.

With one last see ya later to Tiger and Velvet you plugged in the headset and carefully placed it over your head.  It was a snug fit and there were straps to secure it underneath your chin.

A small wave of nervousness ran over you, you took a few deep breaths and put your pointer finger to the side of the headset and held the button. Loud and enunciated so as not to mess this up somehow, you said the command…

“LINK START”

Almost instantly, like falling asleep suddenly, everything went dark.  It only lasted a few seconds until you were standing in a bright, white, empty room with no doors or windows.  You looked to your left and right in a slight panic, you felt like you could hear some music start to play.

Then, catching you off guard a giant holographic screen projected onto the wall in front of you.

“Welcome new player!” A chipper voice rang out from the direction of the screen “It’s time to chose your fairy race, and dive into the world of Faerie Realm! Point your hand straight out fingers spread out to the screen and swipe to the right to scroll through the choices, make a fist for 10 seconds at the screen on the page of the Fairy race you choose and you will move on to the next step!”

On the screen an example character popped and you giggled at it.  It was an image of you, but not totally you.  Your hair was longer than in real life and it was dyed a turquoise shade of blue, you were wearing a tight royal blue and white dress that was much shorter than anything you’d ever worn before.

 You had to admit from a designers point of view, that it was pretty interesting how they’d managed to do that.  The thing that really caught your eye was that coming from behind your back was a pair of beautiful shimmering turquoise wings matching the hair, they were slightly transparent and had a light blue glow coming off of them. The title under this character “Water Fairy”

You scrolled over the other choices shortly, five options of fairy races each with different styles, perks and nerdy sounding stats you didn’t even bother to read. You were mostly focused on the look, and none stood out as much as the first you had seen and you settle on the Water Fairy, holding out a fist to the screen as it instructed.  

The next step you were prompted to complete was to choose a username.  You decide on “Velvet Tiger” in honor of your bestfriends at home. Once you held out your fist again to declare that you were sure of your name, the room turned dark again.  Next you felt like you were falling, falling falling, and the perky voice echoed around you “Have fun in Faerie Realm!!”

With a loud thud you felt yourself hit grass, strangely you felt no sort of pain from your fall, odd.

You picked yourself up from the ground and brushed the dirt off of what you now realized was the same blue dress from the screen.  You pull your now extremely long hair in front of your face to see it was indeed also the hair you had seen on yourself in the preview.  “Color me impressed” You chuckled aloud.

You started to look around to get a bearing on your surroundings.  “Umm...what exactly am I supposed to do?” You spoke aloud again, not sure if you were hoping someone would answer or that some sort of screen would pop up at your question.  But nothing happened.  

You were alone in the middle of the most perfect flowering field you’d ever seen in your life, it was beautiful, cream colored daisies scattered all around you.  It was sunny and bright and the temperature was perfect. You could feel a light breeze press on your cheek, you brought your hand up to your face.  “Woah…” you muttered.  It was crazy to think none of this was real.  

A noise suddenly snapped you out of your state of awe.  You cocked your head to the side slightly.  It was a humming noise getting louder and louder by the second.  

To your surprise and horror the objects in question made themselves visible.  “What the fuck!!!” You scream, and immediately start to book it in the opposite direction.

BEES? But not just regular bees, a swarm of GIANT bees about the size of your cats were headed straight towards you.  You found yourself screaming out a series of fucks and holy shits as you tried to outrun the swarm, they were catching up faster than you could run.  ‘Thanks mom, this is real fun’, you thought.  

You were about to get to a treeline that was up ahead when you tripped and fell flat on your face, you winced, not because it hurt, (you realized this game must not let you feel pain, which is nice), but because you were just embracing the fact that giant bees were about to be your ‘game over’ only 5 minutes into the game.

A loud POW sounded out right behind you and you covered your ears and buried your head into the ground.  A crackling noise like fireworks followed. And then...a beautiful sound.

“You okay miss?” A silvery voice spoke from above you.

You uncovered your ears and lifted your head up from your embarrassing position you had assumed when you thought your demise in this game was upon you.

What you saw when your eyes met the figure standing over you took your breath away.  You had to try and keep a straight face and contain your awe so as not to further embarrass yourself.  

The man standing over you looked like an angel covered in black.  He had on a tight fitting black shirt with a gray jacket that was styled fitting to the theme of this game draped over top, and tight black skinny jeans to go with.  From behind his back you could see a pair of shimmering translucent wings similar in design to yours but the color was a charcoal black.  

He extended a strong looking hand towards you, but you were still frozen in a combination of awe and embarrassment.  He retracted his hand, chuckled, and ran his fingers through his pitch black hair. You scurried to get up on your own  snapping out of your daze and standing eye to eye with the man you asume must’ve just saved your ass from the killer bees.

“Um, thank you” You nervously mumbled his way.  His eyes were kind as he met your gaze with a smile.  You had to force yourself to keep your eyes on his as they seemed compelled to trail over all of his body.  “You’re welcome” His smile grew bigger than it previously was.  “You’re lucky I got here when I did! They were gearing up for some power stings that definitely would’ve sent you to a black screen at your level”

“At….my level?” You said with confusion.  “Yeah, I can see your level right there” he pointed just to the left of your face.  You for the first time notice a small screen was there that had your username, level, health and an option for ‘menu’ listed.  “Oh..” you managed an awkward smile.  You realized you could see his too, ‘Kookie, level 10, full health’ listed on the screen hovering next to him.  

“I’ve been here since 12am when it opened” he said sheepishly running his hand through his hair again.  “Games are kinda my thing and when I heard this was coming out I wanted to get ahead right away...did you just get here or something?” He questioned.

“Yeah, literally just a few minutes ago” you laughed “That was about to be a real short run” you winced at the not too distant memory. “I...uh..games aren’t really my thing”

He smirked at your comment “You don’t say?” he teased.  You stuck your tongue out at him, then immediately felt embarrassed.  Not totally sure what came over you to do that to a total stranger, but hey, it is just a game and he started it right? So you shook off the awkward feeling and decided to just go with it.  He laughed a full belly laugh at your action and shook his head “Ok, I like your style ma’m, so I’m gonna take pity on your and show you the ropes here” He spoke cockily.

“Oh? And what makes you think I need your help?” You tried to come back with, only eliciting further laughter from him. “You’re right,” he put his hands up in fake defeat “those bees were completely defenseless to your ‘duck and cover in the middle of a field’ fighting methods”

You pouted slightly at the mention of that embarrassing part of the incident that had just occurred you are hoping to just pretend didn’t happen.

“Fiiine” you sighed “I really don’t know what I’m doing here, but don't take me for some damsel in distress that's going to worship you as her hero now or anything like that”  His eyebrows raised high taken aback by your bluntness.  “Of course. I have no doubt you take care of yourself well in the real world, on first impressions you seem to be a strong, independent woman…I admire that in a lady” he assured in an honest and serious tone, but then He stopped and took a few steps closer to you standing so close it sent a shiver up your spine.  

He leaned in to your ear, tone changing from his previous statement into a more smooth and sultry whisper  “But this isn’t the real world...you’ve stepped into my world now.” He pulled away, a smirk on his face.

Your eyes widened.  What have you gotten yourself into…

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[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chapter 21: What Only Lives in Memory

Chapters: 21/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Warnings: Mention of past sexual assault, Mention of past murder Relationships: Loki x Reader (Let’s try this again) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Reader, Brunnhilde(Marvel),  Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Here Comes Self-Reflection, Reader Had a Rough Time During the Snap, Loki Tries to Figure Himself Out Summary: Loki moves things forward, while reader reveals the past.

“Hey! Hey, you kidnapping bastard! Give me my daughter back, asshole!”

“That's about the reaction I expected, yes.” Loki said, holding on to his composure in the face of your enraged father. He was an entire ocean away, and merely a mortal man of no consequence, but there was still some intimidation involved. Loki wanted a favor from this man; information. Also, there was something...important, about not being hated by your father, specifically. “Alas, I cannot. It's isn't safe for her, I'm afraid. Her health would deteriorate once more.”

“Yeah, the spandex squad said the same thing. They said it was some kind of magic? Sounds like bullshit to me.”

“You have lived through invasions by both extraterrestrials, and robots, yet you find magic difficult to believe in?” Loki pointed out.

“Yeah, well, you can punch an alien or a robot.”

“I dare say, one can punch a sorcerer as well.”

“Oho? She's been throwing hands?”

Loki cleared his throat. “Your daughter has been...most emphatic on several points.”

Your father drew himself up with pride. “Good. You best listen. And you'd damn well better be treating her right!”

“Actually, that is why I wished to speak with you. I would like advice on how to treat her more properly. Specifically, I will be remodeling her room into a more permanent residence, and I wish to know what kind of things she likes to have in her home.”

Your father remained quiet for a few long moments.

“So she's really not coming back.” He said finally. “Damn. I know all girls eventually leave, but she just seemed happy where she was...” He sighed. “Okay, fine. If it's gotta be up to you to take care of her now, then listen up. She likes doodlin' so get her some art supplies. She likes them little fairy lights. If you're getting her decorative things, she likes birds, and seashells, and flowers. No pets. She doesn't like having little things underfoot. Get her some houseplants, but only if they have bright colors, or make flowers.”

“How about toiletries? Does she have a preference?”

“Eh, more flowery stuff. Whatever's on sale, usually, but you can do better than that, can't you? The most flowery stuff you can find. Candles or potpourri, or whatever. Uh, she likes Pokemon. Don't know how much that helps you.”

“It would help me more if I knew what that was, but I'm sure I can find out.”

“It's some video game about fantasy animals. It's easy to find. Oh, and she likes space too. Stars and constellations and stuff. Likes learnin' about what's out there.”

“Oh, I know.” Loki said, perhaps a little too confidently. Your father glared. “But not too well.” He added. “Space. It is a good subject. There is much out there.”

Silence stretched out uncomfortably.

“How is she, really?” Your father asked.

“Distressed. That is why I am doing this. A great many things have happened to her in too short a time, so I am attempting to counter them with comfort. Her illness has all but disappeared, but we must remain within a mile or so of one another, and cannot be separated for more than a few hours at that distance before she begins to deteriorate. Were you told of the assassin?”

“Yeah. I was told she wasn't badly hurt, and that you caught the bastard.”

“Correct on both counts. She suffered a cut, but it has healed completely, and he will be facing justice eventually. I may still curse him into an early grave though, no matter what his sentence ends up being. Hmm. Perhaps forget I said that.”

“Nah, no one's hearing a peep from me.” Your father fidgeted as a gray cat peeked its head into the screen. “No Momo! Get down from there. Hey look, if she's gotta stay with you from now on, there's some things you oughta know. She's got some...problems. There were some major health issues that ran in her mother's side of the family; brain tumors mostly. Took her mom and her aunt while she was still pretty young. She hadn't shown any signs of it, but two or so years ago, she had this weird episode...Started insisting that everyone was dead, and the world was ending. The doctor didn't find any evidence of tumors, but said she was acting like someone who had gone through some kind of traumatic experience. No one could figure out what happened. She was fine one day, and the next, she'd completely changed. Got way more aggressive, kinda obsessed with food, has panic attacks over some of the weirdest things. And whenever something bad happens, she goes from one hundred percent ready to fight, to meek and numb in seconds.”

“I...have observed some of those behaviors, yes.” So this was what it looked like from the outside. Someone who had survived the Snap and remembered it must seem to others as if some great change had come over them. An entire year lived like that would not leave someone the same as they had been before. It was a shame Loki could not tell him what had happened. That your father would never understand you like he did. That he didn't even truly understand you.

You were just about as alone in this world as he was, weren't you?

“So if you've got some kind of magic health care over there, just keep an eye on her brain, okay?”

“As you say. I shall keep a special watch over her mind. I appreciate you telling me this. All of this. It will be most helpful.”

“Yeah well, as long as you take good care of her, I can't complain. Still hate you though.”

Loki smiled smugly. “I would expect nothing else.”

                                                                             *****

Loki spent his time between meetings searching through various storage rooms for furnishings. He'd found a very nice rug; blue and green and silver, patterned with knotwork and ravens. Bedding was a bit more difficult: you felt the cold more keenly, and needed either more, or heavier blankets. He was having trouble finding good matches, however. He didn't just want to throw things together like some kind of motley. You weren't a peasant anymore, and you should have better.

But just for now, maybe the brick red bed set didn't clash with the green and blue that much?

In the end, he was able to gather plenty of  bird-themed items, mostly ravens, eagles, and swans, and no shortage of floral décor. He commissioned a space-themed mural for one of your walls, though he knew it would take several weeks to finish. There were very few seashells to be had, but he did manage to procure a small hand mirror that was shaped like a scallop.

Perhaps this would do for now?

He called for Saldis and two others to carry things back you your room, stood back and supervised while they laid things out. Fairy lights and Pokemon would have to wait until he figured out what they were, and where he could get them.

As the servants put everything into place, Loki was drawn to your desk, and the little stack of books there. Astronomy, of course. That made perfect sense. A history of Iceland. Good idea. The collected tragedies of Shakespeare. Good stories, all of them, but perhaps not the best reading material for someone of your delicate mental state. Ah, there it was. World mythology.

Brunnhilde said you had mentioned something about a mythology book that had led you to believe some mixed up things. Well, what did it say?

He picked up the book, leafing through it as the servants moved around him, hanging artworks on the blank walls, a pair of flower-themed lamps replacing the old one, rolling out the rug.

The temperature began to fall while he read the entry about himself, stone-faced, but radiating a quiet anger that everyone in the room could feel. The servants slowly came to a halt, staring at him in silent worry.

“Sire?” One of them finally asked, her voice barely above a whisper. His eyes snapped up from the book to look at them, and all three flinched back.

“You.” He said, pointing. “And you. Out.”

Both women hurried for the door, throwing apologetic looks over their shoulders at Saldis, who stood in place, bewildered and a little frightened.

“Saldis...Odasdottir, was it?”

“Yes, your Highness!” She squeaked.

“You can speak English.”

“Yes, your Highness! Fluently, Your Highness!”

“A useful skill. More importantly, can you read English? I trust you know not to lie to me.”

“No, Your Highness! No more than a few words! I have Roskva translate for me!”

“I see.” He snapped the book shut with a loud clap.”So you know nothing of the contents of this book?”

“No, Your Highness! Seidkona _____ asked for English language books, so I just brought back all that the library had! I don't know what any of them are about!”

“This one is full of slander.” Loki seethed. Saldis began backing away. “Written by our enemies to defame us, clearly. I will be confiscating it.”

Saldis began stammering apologies, but Loki held up a single finger to silence her. There were no lies in what she said. She was no saboteur.“If you did not know, you cannot be blamed. However, I would be alone for a time.”

She took the dismissal for what it was, vacating the room in an undisguised hurry. Loki could just barely hear Andsvarr asking her what was wrong, as he stalked to his room and threw the book into the fireplace. Drivel! A poison of words, pouring into your eyes, into your mind. No wonder you were so frightened!

God of Evil? Ridiculous! Evil wasn't something one could be a god of; it was a nebulous concept that changed from culture to culture, and across time. Anyone was capable of it, but none could rule it. And that nonsense with the horse... He didn't even know anyone named Angrboda! Where had all that come from?

He had been to Midgard once before New York, when he was a child, long before these concrete forests had sprung up in the place of the wooden ones. It had seemed like a very different world then, the storytellers weaving magic into their tales, spinning their words into decorative knots. He'd learned of the concepts of kennings and flyting from them...Was this what they had seen in him, or did it have some symbolic meaning, lost over the centuries? Did they see him as evil?

Or was it what had happened after? The burying of the old ways under the name of another god? Was that what had painted him in such a dark way? Or perhaps the author of the book had written it after the events in New York. Humanity had plenty of reason to consider him evil then, and a great many still did.

It didn't really matter right now. What mattered was that this had been influencing your perceptions of him, and now he had to reverse that. The room would be a very good start, a step in making this a real, permanent home for you. He would find out everything you needed, everything you wanted. He was a prince. He was a god! He could provide.

He sat down on his fluffy rug, watching the book slowly blacken and curl. It did matter. It mattered because it was part of the reason you weren't here. And he felt it now, now that you were gone, every minute making him more and more aware that you weren't there. There was a little, human shaped hole in the world, that only you fit into, and you were out of place.

When had you become important? He could no longer deny that you were. Honesty with the self was among the coping exercises he and Thor had had to adopt, once they realized that they absolutely had to be in this together. It was quite possibly one of the hardest things for him to do, to admit everything to himself, to open himself back up to all the emotion.

In the beginning, after he had been returned from death, all his walls had come down. Those had been hard times; he was nearly inconsolable, everything he had been through in such a short time was all there, up front. All the grieving he hadn't been able to do, all the anger and resentment, the self-loathing and loss of identity. Everything he'd never gotten the chance to heal from had all come down on him, all at once, and he'd thought he'd never stop crying again.

But once he had been given the chance to confront all those things, to work through them, to finally, properly mourn, when he'd put himself back together, and run dry of tears-and when Thor had done the same-that was when they had both decided to take the steps necessary to be better than they had been. For the people. For each other. And for themselves.

Communication with the self was easily just as difficult as communication with each other. Neither of them exactly had the hang of it yet, and it led them to mistakes like this. Mistakes like Loki believing that everything was just fine between you and himself because he wanted so badly to believe that it was. Tricking himself into thinking that your actions and reactions were those of a person in need of support and comfort from him, instead of a person who was afraid of him.

Five years ago, he would have seen it for exactly what it was, but he had been trying so hard to leave that version of himself in the past, where it belonged. He needed to be better now.

He needed to admit that you were important. He needed to understand why. You represented something to him; some kind of redemption. If he could take care of you, he could prove something to everyone, including himself. What was that thing? What did he need to prove? That he could be responsible?

That he was what he said he was. That he was worthy of being what he said he was. A Prince. A Ruler. A Leader. A Provider. A Man.

Not a monster.

He could give you everything. And he felt that you might even deserve it, you who had lost your mother, and then your world, and then your health, and then your autonomy. He could give you everything, and he kind of wanted to. But he had to step back now and take a different approach. It had to be for you, as much as it was for him.

He watched the book burn until it was an unrecognizable lump, thinking of ways to be better for you. Then he left his quarters in search of his brother. He had an idea that would set at least some of your fears at ease.

He passed Brunnhilde on the way, the Valkyrie carrying a sandwich on a plate. He stopped, then followed her.

“Is that for her?” He asked. “Because she hates that.”

“What? Well then what does she like?” Brunnhilde demanded. Loki listed a few things off the top of his head, and Brunnhilde headed back to the kitchen. “Guess I'll eat this one then. Heard you terrorized some of the maids.”

“I suspected one of them might be a saboteur. I was glad to find otherwise. I discovered a source of _____'s fear. That book you said she mentioned; I found it and I destroyed it. It will trouble none of us again.”

“That might not look good, you know. Might look like you're trying to destroy the evidence.”

“What evidence?” He sneered. “It was worthless. It was...do you even know what it said? It was like a parody, and it was deceiving her. I will find her other books.”

“You can't just curate her reading material you know.” Brunnhilde said, making another sandwich. “Not if you don't want to seem so controlling.”

Loki added a cup of skyr to the plate, and a spoon of redcurrant jam on top. “I'm not going to. I'm thinking of taking her into the nearest town, and visiting a bookstore. She can choose her own books, and not be stuck reading the same few over and over. I've already seen to her room, and so all that's left is to let her get some things of her own choice.”

Brunnhilde nodded. “That's better.”

“So, how are the Valkyries coming along? You mentioned a Buridag demonstration?” Loki asked, following her back out of the kitchens.

“About as well as can be expected for only having a year of training. There's a lot of work to be done, catching them all up. Lucky for us, most of them naturally gravitated towards combat lifestyles. The twins have a long way to go though.”

“Twins?”

“Valda and Velda. They're only about three hundred years old. They're having to start from scratch, but I can see the power in them. They're the real deal. They are also tiny children who can barely lift their own swords, and definitely can't wear armor. We can't have a demonstration without them, but there isn't much they can physically do. Maybe if I play up how important standard-bearing is, they won't put up a fuss.”

“One can hope.” Loki said with a smile. “Sibling rivalry can be a tough thing to navigate.”

“They get along well. Just because you and your brother had a rivalry for the storybooks, it doesn't mean everybody does. Speaking of, did Saga ever get back to you?”

“Yes. She's chosen fully sixteen texts to translate, and she will be doing each of them in seven languages. She's so happy. I was thinking of asking her to expedite the English translations, but I wonder if that isn't a little too selfish.”

“Well, technically, you're thinking of someone else, so it isn't 'selfish' exactly...” They stopped outside Brunnhilde's rooms. “Well, your Highness. You have some work to do, and I have some mouths to feed, so here is where we part.”

                                                                     *****

“Dinnertime!” Brunnhilde announced, and you hopped up to receive it. Everything looked very tasty this time, and you tucked in without preamble. You'd worked pretty hard again today, not quite as hard as when you were practicing magic, but hard enough. The bath had been wonderfully relaxing on your sore muscles, but had done nothing for your appetite.

You should exercise now, eh? Surely this was a good start.

“So...” Brunnhilde said. “You're not a good liar.”

“Hrm?” You asked around a bite of sandwich.

“Whatever you told Borgljot, you've been in combat before.”

“Mrm.” You said, swallowing your bite. “Well, about that...I don't know if I would call it combat exactly...and besides, I didn't lie.”

“Oh? Oh. Because it technically didn't happen?”

“Yeah. Things went to hell during the Event, you know that. I can't imagine it was a walk in the park for you either.”

“Wasn't great. You wanna talk about it?”

You stopped eating. “I never have before.”

“You never had someone who believed you before either, did you?”

“Sure didn't.” You said quietly. “It's just, you know, everyone went a little crazy I think. You can't face a devastation like that and stay totally sane. And nobody really knew what to do. The guys were a pain in my ass, but there was this one guy specifically...his wife and kid turned to dust in his arms, and I think he just went completely insane. But quietly; no one noticed. He was always very nice to me, and normally, he wouldn't hurt a fly, but...he kinda started fixating on me.”

Everywhere you were, there he was. Being helpful. Complimentary. Said you reminded him of her.

“At first I thought it was a good thing. It kept the other guys from bugging me too much. See, out of three hundred and forty of us, only about sixty-seven made it through the Event, and only about a third of those were women. Some of those guys didn't even try to pretend that they weren't being predatory. But he kept the others away, and I appreciated it. For a while.”

Never saying anything creepy, but simply always being there, always ready to help out. You never found out how he scared the other men away.

“We had to try to keep farming in order to survive, but half the seeds had turned to dust too. We probably would have been okay, if the fields hadn't died, but we had almost nothing. Everyone was desperate. I was in charge of the potatoes. Had a good patch of them growing out in the East fields. One day, when I went out to tend to them, he followed me. Guess he just...finally hit that breaking point. Came onto me, using her name. When I told him off, he full-on attacked me.”

Mad-eyed, tearing at your clothes, sobbing and crying a dead woman's name.

“He wouldn't stop, so...”

Panic gave you the strength to knock him to the ground, desperation gave you the instinct to bring the sharp edge of your garden hoe down on his head.

“So I killed him. Chopped his head in half. I know what that looks like now.”

You didn't know when you had started trembling, but it was making your voice quiver.

“You were defending yourself.” Bunnhilde said. “It's a terrible, harsh edge of reality, and a shame that you had to see it. But you came through. Not gonna say it's okay, because it's not. But you came through.”

“It's...I think my problem is that I don't even think that's the worst part.” You said. “It's that, technically, it never happened. He's fine now. He's alive, his wife, his kids, all alive and well, and going about their lives. He's just like I remember him from before it all happened; sweet and harmless. He comes in to the bakery sometimes, after our cornbread. I'm sure he worries about me, because that's just the kind of person he is.”

“Well that's-”

“I hate him.” You interrupted. “I hate him so much. I should be glad that it all got erased. I should be glad that he's not a predator, and that I'm not a murderer. But I'm just so angry! He gets to have his family, and his sanity, and his life, and go happily about his business, and I have to remember what he did! What I did! It's horrible, isn't it? I shouldn't feel like this!”

“Honestly? I feel like it would be more wrong if you didn't.” Brunnhilde reached across the distance to take your hand. “None of this should be easy to accept. How long ago was it, that Thor crashed on this planet? Seven? That's seven years for your whole world to realize that there's more people out in the universe, get attacked by those other people, get nearly wiped out by one of those other people. Then a small percentage of you has to find out that even reality itself can be malleable. And then on top of that, you, individually, have to deal with mans inhumanity to man, and that is all a terrible burden to put on such small, human shoulders.”

“I'm going to be a seidkona.” You declared. “Just as soon as I figure out how. I'm taking this as an opportunity to leave that all behind. I never have to see that guy again. I don't have to hold on to the hatred. I don't have to project it onto other people, I can start moving forward again.”

“You don't have to push.” Brunnhilde warned. “You'll burn yourself out. Set your own pace. You don't have to do everything at once, in fact, you probably shouldn't.”

“Where should I start then?” You asked. Once you had decided something, you were always full of energy and raring to go. But maybe she was right. There was a lot to do, and if you tried to do it all at once, you'd get overwhelmed.

“What all do you have to do? What tasks and goals are on your mind?” Brunnhilde asked. “and out of those, what are the simplest or easiest?”

“Um. I've got to...I've gotta learn how to use this knife. And my magic, gotta learn that. I should learn the language. Gotta be ready for the trial, I'm pretty sure I'll have to testify. Kinda torn there, I mean, I want that guy to go straight to jail forever, but I don't wanna be in the same room with him ever again? I gotta... research seidkonas. Learn about the past ones, what they did, how they worked. I gotta...I gotta go back to my room. Make up with his Highness. I have to, but also, I want to.”

“You looked at your palm. “Gotta learn more about this thing, if there is any more to learn. Gotta...Gotta yell at Beli! He's the one that spread this whole seidkona rumor around, isn't he? Only him and Loki knew; I didn't even know! And then everybody knew except for me! That is not right!”

“Oh don't yell at old Beli.” Brunnhilde said, pointing at your food. You took the hint and began eating again. “For one thing, it's a waste of breath. So, out of those things, what is easiest? What will you start with?”

“Um. Well, you'd think going back to my room and making up with Loki would be easiest, but in reality, it's terrifying. Probably can't research if I can't read the language. The trial can't be prioritized; it'll just happen when it happens. So, looks like knife is the only choice.”

“Well, there you go. I also have a suggestion. You should have a better grasp of your surroundings. If you'd like, I'll get someone to show you around. Also, if you have hobbies, you know, something you just do for fun, then you should do that a little bit.”

“...I'd like to bake something, if that's all right? I used to do that for a living, and I really enjoyed it too.”

“I'm sure that can be arranged. Let's go do that in the morning.”

[ask-magala]

MH World Beta - Thoughts and Impressions

Thanks to @stygian-zinogre-zero who was ok with me stealing borrowing her ps4 for an hour to play the World Beta! I got to play all three hunts and I used two weapons, but no online (didn't have time). Here are some of my thoughts. Oh yeah, this is a pretty long post so I separated things into categories.

Spoilers Ahead!

Controls

Holy cow this game is smooth! Playing with the awesome ps4 controller is a blast.

The button placement is good but a bit weird for me because I’m coming from the 3DS. That's why I decided to change my main weapon (more on that below)

Gameplay

Because of smooth controls I feel like this game is less clunky than 4U and Gen. 

Dodging is great, much more control than I had in the 3ds games.

Little to no lag! It takes a while to load the map but once it does the map is pretty much free reign for you to explore. Super smooth and barely noticeable zone transitions.

No stamina loss while traversing is great, but it's jarring when you start the hunt. I was trying to ignore a pack of Jagras but because they follow you I could not start the no stamina loss mode of running.

Tracker bugs…I’m not sure if I like it. It's useful for finding things and the tracking mechanic is awesome, but many times I got lost because the bugs would pick up on something random.

Mantles are really cool. They add a new dimension to how you traverse the land. Because of the infinite running, I didn't really pause to check out the land until I started using mantles. Not really my style but hey they are cool.

Lock on works better for me than in the 3ds games.

Running and healing is great and not too overpowered since you slow down while drinking any potions.

UI and HUD

I have a love/hate relationship with the HUD of this game. First and foremost, it works. Everything is where I want it to be. HUD is out of the way and lets me enjoy my game. Also it works great for HH. At the same time some of the stuff I want clearer on HUD is a bit hard to find, such as stamina and items.

UI is nice and streamlined, but it's missing that Monster Hunter aesthetic I really like from the previous games. Yeah the item icons are the same and all but the UI design feels more like a modern ps4 game. It works but meh when it comes to design. I realize this is only the beta and may change in the final. (plz change Capcom)

Sound

It feels like I am playing Jurassic Park. I miss the old Monster Hunter horn sounds and derpy Myas! from my cats.

Music does add to the vast atmosphere the game tries to capture. But Tri I think does this  better while keeping with that MH vibe (kinda like Breath of the Wild ost vs every other Zelda game ost, more atmospheric but not really classic TLoZ).

However monster themes are still great. Dramatic and transition nicely.

Monsters

Great Jagras = I really like the iguana design, definitely matches the tropical feel of the map. It's a bit weak (though it may be because of the Beta and because I am a veteran hunter) for my taste as the first Jaggi monster. Great Jaggi is still the better starter monster in my opinion.

Barroth = Mud pupper is back and his head is as hard as I remember. I didn't really get to see it roll in the mud as often as before though, and the fight felt easier? (again could be because it's the Beta). I really like the mud effects, makes it looked “armored” rather than just muddy.

Jyuratodus = Heh, it's a weaker mud Plesoth. But that’s not a bad thing. It really teaches hunters to watch out for the muddy water. I didn't see it  until it lept out to attack. This was my first encounter with monster that fight each other. This muddy was fighting the above mud pupper and it was awesome. Used that to my advantage and whatnot. It is weaker, I will say that. But its size is not something to underestimate (this thing is big).

Anjanath = Not what I was expecting. This monster is freaking tall. Like really tall. At first I thought the colorations and design were a bit weird, but when you play, it all works together. The fin and nose flares make it look even bigger, along with its fur shoulder coat. Flare attack is scary when you least expect it. Personally I ended up liking this guy more than I thought I would :)

The monsters overall look great. They are big and use the entire area for their advantage. More than once, Barroth lured me into the swamp to slow me down, putting the fight to its advantage.

I had the same pinned to the corner issues as the 3ds games but I was able to dodge out of monster attacks easier than in the 3ds games.

Hip checks are back! But they aren't as annoying as I remember. Maybe the hitboxes are a bit better this time around?

Weapons (I only got to use CB and HH)

Charge Blade

Smooth. I felt like I could do more with this system than with 3ds. Guard points were easier for me this time around.

Muscle memory from the 3ds made me miss press buttons more than once. Dodging is now in a different place… This is a personal issue and not an issue with the game.

I found one of the new combos but I will have to play a bit more to see if I would use it.

Ok this is my biggest issue = the weapon charge levels are not clear at all. One of the most important parts of using CB is charging your weapon based on the amount of damage dealt. This causes your sword to glow yellow then red indicating the amount of charge. Despite having my weapon drawn it was not clear to me at all compared to it in 4U and Gen. I ended up using the HUD to determine what color I was on. It doesn't help that your tracker bug glows neon green and totally blocks your yellow/red glowing phials.  

Is the demo CB… Rathian? It looks just like the Rathian CB...

Hunting Horn

Holy crap HH got buffed again! And it is freakin awesome.

New system for playing songs and encores is great. One of the issues of HH is losing songs while you are attacking. By saving up to 3 songs at a time I was able to be more aggressive and get my buffs at the same time.

The HUD helps so much. You don't have to memorize songs any more since they appear very nicely on the HUD. Its non intrusive and easier to understand than before. Does it make using HH easier? Not really, since playing the songs is a bit different than before, mostly because of the fact that songs are saved for your convenience now.

Weapon feels great, like a fluid long hammer. It's bigger than I remember…

Is the demo HH… Nergigante? The spikes make me feel like it is… but then again this is early game? Also it doesn't sound nice (boo why not give us a nicer sounding one Capcom?)

If you have ever considered using HH, definitely give it a shot for World, it's much better (though the buffs it got in Gen are nice too)

Customization

Its nice. Go drool over a customization video. Also cats are adorbs and I want them all.

Final Thoughts

The Good

Controls are nice and fluid. It's nice to play on a big screen with a very nice controller. PS4 controller is one of the best in my opinion (next to gamecube and switch pro)

Map is very smooth, no lag with transitions. Runs very nicely, even though we are using a basic ps4 not the pro.

Horn got buffs and its awesome. Probably gonna be my main over CB for this game. My muscle memory from the 3ds makes it hard for me to play CB now.

Environments and monster design are nice. I know people were complaining about washed out colors but its not as bad as you think. Vibrant colors would look very out of place in this game. Monsters still have some vibrancy, but the key here is textures. The textures are nice, like I can see each individual scale for Jagras and everything.

Access to item customization for the demo is great. Getting to see other armors is a nice touch.  

The Bad

Those tracker bugs will really take some getting used to. While tracking is a really cool and immersive feature, the bugs make me ignore everything around me and focus only on tracking. When the bugs decide to not follow tracks I get annoyed and frustrated. I get that they pull you aside to look around, but they also do the opposite. You get no control over them unfortunately. They just go anywhere.

Because areas are connected it's not obvious that you are in a new area. This is both good and bad. Good because everything is seamless, bad because I had to backtrack several times because I went around by accident. Area differences are not obvious so its hard to tell if you are in a new area or not.

Only 20 mins? I know demos make the monsters weaker but I found myself needing more time for Ajanath because it was so hard to track it (look at tracker bug issue above)

Auto sheathing when monster is gone. Please give us the option to remove. As a CB and HH user it is critical that I know when my weapon is sheathed or not. Auto sheathing messes up my combos.

Overall I liked it. It's been a dramatic past few years for the MH team, considering that Generations was also a huge change in the traditional formula of Monster Hunter and Stories is a complete RPG spin off. Whether or not all of these changes should stay in the series is questionable. Tracking needs to be improved in my opinion.  They dictate a bit too much for my liking, even changing my camera angles when I didn't want them to. Despite this, the game is awesome. It still feels like Monster Hunter while also pulling the series into a new direction that it really needs. It's still the Monster Hunter we know and love with changes that add fluidity to the normally clunky gameplay. It's not Dark Souls and it's definitely not Bloodborne, but fans of those may like this new more fluid MH.

Am I going to get it? Absolutely, if I actually had a system to play it on. Unfortunately I am a Nintendo fan and unless Capcom releases World for the Switch or it is still popular by the time I get a new PC, I am not going to be able to play. For those of you getting, you are in for a treat. Happy Hunting!

[nightterrorsblog]

My Spectral Roommate

I knew the house was haunted when I moved in. My childhood best friend had lived next door, and we had frequently talked about how she hated having to dress up and join her parents in greeting new neighbors with a dish of freshly baked cookies.

“I wouldn’t mind it so much,” she would reason, “if I didn’t have to go over there every 6 months and bite my tongue about how I knew they wouldn’t live there very long.”

The house was beautiful. Deep red-brown bricks surrounded 3 bedrooms, 1.5 baths, a large and gorgeous kitchen, and a finished basement, among other things. The building’s charm was what kept buyers coming, and the unexplained activity was when kept chasing them away.

But I wasn’t scared by the stories of disembodied footsteps and door slamming on their own. I had had my fair share of paranormal experiences, and had reached the point where it really didn’t bother me anymore. I always loved that house, and it was smack dab in the middle of a neighborhood where I had created so many wonderful memories as a kid. It helped that there was a long, not-so-great reputation about the abode that had driven the price tag down significantly.

So I moved in, sure that I would be able to outlast any previous tenants. I think she took this as a challenge.

The first incident happened quickly. It was the day I moved in, in fact. One of my buddies who was helping me move dropped a box full of books on his foot, and I noticed that the yelp that came out of his mouth was more one of surprise than pain. As the rest of us rushed over to his aid, he told us that there was a woman in the upstairs window, staring down at him with a furious expression on her face.

Those are my words, of course. His were “HOLY SHIT! THERE’S SOME CHICK UP THERE STARIN’ AT ME! SHE LOOKS PISSED!”

No one else had seen the woman in the window, but he was so freaked out that we decided it was a good time to head down to a local pizza shop for lunch. The rest of the move was uneventful, though my friends were pretty obviously on edge. I tried to keep the tone light, but I don’t think it helped.

“So you’re a lady ghost, huh? I hope you don’t mind that I leave the toilet seat up,” I joked as we dropped some boxes into the room the woman had been spotted. The friend who had seen her stood just outside the doorway and let out a forced chuckle, while the other two just shook their heads and left the room as quickly as possible.

For the next week or so, when I wasn’t at work, I was unpacking and organizing. I kept finding things in spots I definitely hadn’t left them. I’m still not sure if she was threatening me or making decoration suggestions when she shoved 4 steak knives and my meat thermometer into my now-deflated football and left them on the dining room table. Maybe she was insulting my cooking, who knows.

Aside from the occasional ear-splitting shriek at 3am, coming home to every light and appliance turned on and every closed door open a few times, and several incidents where an item would suddenly fly across the room, the first two months in my new home were a breeze. The afore-mentioned incidents really only bothered me because they were inconveniencing. The whispers and knocking on the walls were easy to ignore. As I said before, I was used to paranormal activity. It didn’t bother me in the least. I think this is why she upped her game.

It might sound cliché, but things got way worse on Halloween. I had volunteered with the neighborhood watch to walk up and down the street during trick-or-treating to keep an eye on the kids. No one wanted to go anywhere near the town’s notoriously haunted house, so I figured I’d celebrate my favorite holiday by donning an orange vest and carrying a flashlight up and down the block instead of handing out candy. At least I still got to admire the awesome costumes.

It was about 7 o’clock when two teenage girls, one dressed as an angel and the other dressed as a witch, approached me. The angel’s eyeliner was running down her glitter-covered face and the witch’s eyes were so wide that I wondered if she had a headache.

“Oh my God, you have to help us! Katie knocked on the door as a joke. It was just a joke, I swear! She was supposed to knock and run and she… she just froze and then the door opened and she walked in like… like I don’t know a zombie or something! We called her cell phone and she didn’t answer and now all the lights in the house are off and the door’s locked and we don’t know what to do! We don’t even know the guy that lives there but apparently he’s a creep or-“

I put my hand up and interrupted the rambling witch. I didn’t even have to ask which house she was talking about. “I’m the creep that lives there. No one’s home. She’s probably just fucking with you. Let’s go.”

We walked to my house like a weirdo parade: myself in front, the witch close behind me, and the sobbing angel in the rear blubbering about not wanting to go anywhere near “that hell hole”. Sure enough, the downstairs lights I had left on when I left were now turned off. The only sign of life in the house was the light in the upstairs bathroom, which I knew had been off when I departed.

I unlocked the door and entered my domicile, confident that I was going to find this Katie girl when she jumped out of some corner in an attempt to scare her friends. The wooden stairs creaked loud enough to hear over the angel’s scared sniffles as we made our way upstairs. We reached the bathroom, and I knocked lightly on the door before announcing myself.

“Katie, this is John. You’re in my house right now. I’m not mad, but your friends are really worried. We’re coming in. Don’t jump out at us or anything. The joke’s over.” No response.

I opened the door slowly, expecting this girl to be an asshole and try to scare us anyway. I was braced for something silly to happen, not for what we found.

There was my spectral roommate, standing in front of the tub. She looked to be in her late 40’s; still beautiful and youthful but with wrinkles forming at the corners of her eyes. Her wavy long brown hair was slightly unkempt, like she had just gotten out of bed but hadn’t been there long enough to get full-blown bed-head. I figure she was roused from bed right before she died, because the dark circles under her bloodshot eyes made her look like she hadn’t slept in a week, and she was wearing a loose-fitting floral dress that I later realized was probably a nightgown.

These observations were analyzed after the encounter, because at the time all I could think was “ohshitohshitohshit”. I can promise that my descriptions are accurate, though. You just don’t forget a sight like that, especially after what happened next.

The woman slowly stretched her chapped lips into an open-mouthed smile, revealing broken and bloodied teeth. She laughed. It was a child-like giggle at first, increasing in volume until it was a booming guffaw. Just as I was wondering what the joke was, she vanished, revealing Katie lying unconscious in the bathtub.

She was dressed as a Britney Spears-like school girl. Her right arm was draped over the side of the tub, blood dripping from her fingertips onto the tile below.

The angel and witch behind me screamed and ran as I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket and called 911. Katie was unresponsive, with deep bleeding gashes all over her body, but she was alive. I was taken to the police station and questioned thoroughly until the witch and angel were brought in by their parents. They told the cops their side of the story, which matched up with mine, and I was let go with instructions not to return to the crime scene until they contacted me.

The crime scene… because they didn’t believe the distraught man and teenagers that a ghost had damn-near killed Katie. I had to stay at my parents’ house for two weeks before the police figured out that they weren’t going to find evidence of the woman who had “broken into” my house and assaulted the girl. They recommended that I install a security system to prevent further incidents. Hah.

In my time away, I had done some research on ghosts. See, I’m a stubborn man, and I wasn’t about to just give up and put the house back on the market. I had made an investment, and I wasn’t going to throw it away. Also, I kinda doubted that anyone would buy it from me after word spread that a homicidal maniac haunted the premises, and word was spreading fast.

I had the house blessed (she threw a decorative shot glass at the preacher and gave him a nice cut above his eye) and walked around with burning sage, spreading the smelly smoke in every nook and cranny with hope that it would at least chill the bitch out long enough for my real mission: to find out what was keeping her there.

Some of the research I had done simply said that the ghost would haunt wherever they were killed, some said that they would only do so if they had died with unfinished business. These were options that I pushed to the back of my mind, because they meant that there was nothing I could do to get rid of my guest. If she was attached to the house itself, the only thing I could do was tear it down, rebuild, and pray that that was enough to shoo her away. Finishing her business was out of the question because no one knew who she may have been. There were no records I could find of someone dying in the house, and the previous owners before the revolving door of tenants started were all men who were unreachable either because they were dead or unlisted.

So I was left with the last possibility that my research provided: there was an object of hers that was still in the house that she was tied to, and I needed to find it and destroy it.

There was some old furniture and beat-up boxes in the basement that had been left behind by previous tenants. Yes, I checked, and there was nothing interesting among it. I called up a buddy of mine who has a lot of land behind his house, and we loaded it all up and had a nice bonfire. I was as hopeful as I was hungover when I returned home the next day. She must have expected that, though, because I returned home to a foul stench, three dead rats hung from the ceiling fan in the living room, and every faucet in the house running.

I called my bonfire buddy, who I had filled in on the whole thing while we sat by the fire, and told him I was fucked. It hadn’t worked. I was going to have to move.

“You said last night that that was everything from the basement… what about the attic?” he asked.

“I don’t have an- shit! The attic! I completely forgot about that!” Yeah, I’m an idiot.

There is an attic in the house. The realtor had shown me the door that leads to it when she showed me the house, sort of hidden in the ceiling of one of the bedroom closets. She warned me that the wood-flooring that was up there was old and possibly not stable, so I never bothered to enter it. The rest of the house had plenty of storage space, anyway.

I hung up with my friend and went into what I had set up as a guest room (like anyone was willing to sleep there but me, hah). I opened the closet, set up my small ladder, and pushed on the door in the ceiling.

It was heavy as hell and the hinges creaked loudly in protest, but I managed to push the thing all the way open and climb through. I knelt on the floor next to the door and pulled the flashlight out of my pocket, holding my breath as I turned it on.

Through the dust and cobwebs, I saw cardboard boxes all over the place. The attic was barely tall enough for me to stand in, so I had to walk hunched over a bit so the top of my head didn’t touch the ceiling. I took my steps slowly and carefully, remembering the realtor’s warning about weak flooring. I opened the boxes one-by-one, looking through them for anything that may have had some sentimental value to my ghastly roommate. I was open to the idea of another bonfire, but I preferred to just get this shit over with in my own back yard if I could.

As I was rooting through the possible belongings of my tormenter, I could hear her making a ruckus downstairs. She was going back and forth between screaming and cackling while she stomped around and pounded on walls. I figured this must have been a sign that I was getting close, so I kept going, despite the fact that my heart was beating so hard that I was getting a bit dizzy.

I pushed aside a box that I had just finished digging through, and a strong gust of wind came from nowhere and knocked me on my back. I coughed a few times, picked up the flashlight that I dropped, and pointed it toward where I had just been standing.

There she was, in all her glory, standing in front of an old-looking trunk. She was in a defensive-like position, hunched over a bit with her knees bent and her legs spread. Her elbows were out so her arms bent and she held her hands near her stomach, her fingers curled like claws. The look on her face… she looked so angry that I wouldn’t have been surprised if she roared at me. But she didn’t. She just stood there and seethed, breathing heavily through those broken teeth.

“Go. Away.” She said it so quietly that I almost didn’t hear her.

“I just want to help-“

“GO. AWAY.” Her voice boomed this time, and another gust of wind slid me back several feet.

I scrambled backward, rolled over to my stomach and dog-walked quickly to the opening in the floor as boxes full of things I had rummaged through earlier hit my sides hard enough to leave bruises that I would discover later. I climbed down the ladder as fast as I could, missed the last step, and fell on my ass once again just as the door to the attic slammed shut. With as much speed as I could manage, I dodged books flying off shelves, furniture being tossed, and knick-knacks soaring toward my head as I ran out of the house. The front door slammed behind me with such force that the window set into the wood cracked. Once I got to my car, I glanced at the house while I fumbled with my keys. I could see the place being ransacked by invisible hands. I could hear the crashes as she threw everything and anything against walls and onto floors. As I opened the car door, she let out a shriek so loud that the windows of the house shattered and I swear the ground shook beneath my feet. I left and never looked back.

I’m a 36 year old man who currently lives with his parents. My mom believes in all sorts of supernatural stuff, so she understands. My skeptical dad occasionally bitches about me staying here while I save up money for a new place and furniture instead of just selling the house, but he also refuses to go there to see the chaos for himself.

I think I’ll make sure my next house is ghost-free before I move in.

[hankeverythingwillbefine]

Thrashed, Lost, and Found

Day 7 hurt as much as every day has. It still started out with a forceful morning workout, my cousin has asked me a couple of times if I’d go with her to her gym in the afternoon but working out is something I have to do alone. I know she can do her routine and I can do mine but even the commute needs to be a separate thing. I was dragged to church, even though it’s Catholic I went and listened to what the priest had to say. I kept getting lost in thought and spent time admiring the architectural brilliance of the church. I wanted to go out by myself, I thought it’s time to shave the beard and needed razors (maybe it was just the only excuse I had). I took the bus and we were robbed, even though I was scared I was still aware of how dangerous the state has become thanks to increasing foreign migration. I don’t mean to sound xenophobic and I’m not even blaming the South American migrants, I’m blaming the people that come from other states to those that had stable security in their endless turf wars or those from the capital that have become so wanted by their local enforcement agencies to flee and do what they’re doing here. Anyhow, this short guy in his mid 20′s comes into the bus and asks to hold on a moment before paying. The bus starts moving at this point because the buses are in a hurry. It’s not too packed which is great for my anxiety and I’m looking out the window because I’m a melancholic fuck that needs serotonin and sunlight helps with that. I see some people in front of me shuffle suddenly and it made me startle and grasp the situation... hey we’re getting robbed. I didn’t notice the guy in the back with the backpack collecting money, phones and jewelry until it was my turn. As confident I am of my self-defense abilities, I’m no match for a guy with a gun. My anxiety manifested in a form of angry annoyance instead of fear. I gave them my broken iphone (which thankfully I only took the spare one that I use as an ipod but also has whatsapp installed and all of my contacts... it’s too long a story to explain now), my wallet with an estimated equivalent of $10 dollars and my wired headphones. I could tell that backpack guy was somewhat disappointed in everything they gathered but what do you expect on a Sunday afternoon in a half empty bus that’s going AWAY from the capital. I applaud your efforts, you sad elementary school dropout but thieving doesn’t give participation trophies or a pat on the back (unless you’re a prison bitch, then I guess it’s more than pats on the back). They quickly pointed the gun at the driver and made him pull over by an empty lot, my mind went to “we’re getting executed” which made me angrier. The one that gets to kill me is ME, that much has always been decided and I don’t even mean that in a suicidal way. If I die because of a mistake I made or an action I knowingly took that sent me to my demise, I’d be okay with that. My point is, they ran away and I wanted to go after them but getting shot is not in my to do list. The bus driver had radioed someone to call the police, they came in what felt like 10 minutes-ish and a forever for their police reports. I told them everything I saw, I gave them all my necessary information and details of the items that were stolen. I didn’t see much point in cooperating since the police are famous for being useless in this country and the four that arrived reeked of incompetence and Sunday laziness. I walked back home after that, it was a 30 minute walk... always has been. I realized I took 2 and a half hours between all of that when I got home. I told my mother I went for a walk and got distracted, went to my room and that’s when everything started sinking in. I grew up in a dangerous neighborhood no matter where I lived, having a gun pointed at was something that’s never going to stop being terrifying but the impact lessens over time. After some time of empty staring, I got the phone my father sent a year ago and activated that one, it has less memory and all I really need is music but it’s the thought that counts. I saw a couple of messages from you asking if I’m there and looks like you wanted to talk. I told you I got robbed, you didn’t believe me but this isn’t one of those things to lie about. There’s nothing impressive about getting robbed at gunpoint. My anxiety didn’t go off the rails despite the lack of Xanax in my system, it was a strange feeling and did not know how to rationalize it. I tried to pass it off as being okay, talking to you makes everything easier. You told me you’re redoing the house and talking about your self-worth. Telling me to tell my therapist how strong you are and how beautiful you are and how you’ve shouldered everything for the past year. How fucking dare you, of course I have but I’ve also talked about how controlling you’ve been and the thing I don’t want to do is go from patient to psychologist trying to compare results based on notes and observations about you. Therapy is where I make me about me, it’s step one on a healthy dose of selfishness. So we talked about how you’re Marie Kondoing and suggested I do the same, I told you that I’m not in a head space where assessing joy is a good idea. We talked about how we both need the man I used to be, how tired you are and the things you deserve. I mentioned that my stepdad finally got himself together and I was very surprised, these past 10 years haven’t been very kind to us and he got lazy and complacent and irresponsible. After having been dumped by my mom was when he went back to being hardworking and providing for her and my brother. He’s been incredibly supportive of whatever this thing I’m going through is. We spoke in a way that can only be described like we needed to cheer each other on, and then another “I don’t believe you got robbed” stab. As much as I would like your support yet not seeking it because I’m respecting your space, I really don’t need your doubt. I told you I was looking forward to our monthly in-person meet, which you forgot and it hurt. That was probably the most crushing moment of our whole conversation but powered through it. Sometimes I think I should just divorce you because you’re too much of a coward to ask for it because that is what you really want and I want to work on this but won’t get the chance to get there. We had a nice conversation and cut it short, sleep was calling to me. I woke up late at night and saw that you texted again, I don’t know if you were battling with loneliness again and wanted to talk to me. A part of me wants to tell you to fuck off and seek solace in the Facebook friends you arduously ignored me for but I think you’re doing that and it’s not working as well as you’d hoped. I think we’re both fighting that codependency we have for each other, leading to struggles with our own loneliness. I can’t really speak for you and can only assume. I just told you I went for my late night drink of water. We texted a little on Day 8, sent you a funny ad I got on a website while working. I’m still worried that you’re not eating well and haven’t found someone to pay to cook for you or deliver a healthy meal to you. I spent all of Day 8 hating myself out loud because I had the house to myself and trying not to text you. I also spent it playing GTA 5 and watching how Michael lost his family and is slowly getting them back in their own organically dysfunctional way while having Chicago’s “if you leave me now” playing on the radio station of the car he got in. Rockstar, you’re not fair to me right now. After so many years and changing availability, I still haven’t finished the game but it’s hitting so many sore spots for me right now. Great job, me, you’ve replaced your dependency from Xanax to video games and enjoy neither. I’ve helped my stepdad clean his car during the weekend, Hank sees me near the car and he behaves like we’re going back home. He scratches my leg, getting permission to get in but doesn’t see that it’s just to clean it and not to make a 2 hour trip back to a place we thought everyone was happy in. You sent me a philosophical quote about healing, I looked it up and thanked you for it. I went on to spend my night playing mindlessly, reading on and off about endogenous depression because I stumbled upon a paper I was reading about it in my closet here. Grad school B paper, no easy feat. I spent my night torturing myself internally. Weening off Xanax to help me sleep has not been kind, I’m down to a quarter a day again.

Day 9. I’m proud of myself for not reactivating my Facebook to stalk you since Friday-ish or Thursday. I needed one of the links I had saved and checked your posts since I was already there. Still, I need to stop. I’m getting everything out in a public way while maintaining myself anonymous and you’re getting everything out in a more “everybody, this marriage has been so shitty despite having my husband change jobs and work outside the house in order to pay for everything”. Yes you did the housewife thing and you did it great, I just needed you great and not a clean house or a highly elaborate meal but that’s what I came home to and a wife that had just enough energy to kinda eat. Your mother and my father did come to our rescue one too many times before we got married and while I started my new job. When you said you were told about Stratus, I encouraged you and said I wanted you happy but whatever floats your boat. Day 9 is just starting with sarcastic clients and a very annoyed me. If parting is such sweet sorrow, I don’t have many assets but I’m still meeting an attorney this Friday to set up a will. Just in case.