#maybe he's just quicker to blame other people for it. (vs 'this is how it has to be' or 'this is god's doing')

[scare-ard--sleigh]

no children still makes me think of hojo & lu nine million years later but um it's kinda uhhhhhhh idk how to say this, uh, cyril-coded 😬🫥🫣

[hezuart]

For your reverse Guardians au (which I saw bc of the recent ask XD) how do you think they'd react if they met their originals (movie version i havent read the books TvT) Do u think they'd be disgusted and/or horrified or indifferent? Especially in Jack's case

hehehehe so excited to answer this lets see... to keep them separated in terms of name: Pitch vs. Koz, North vs. Nick, Bunny vs. Aster, Tooth vs. Thiana, Sandy vs. Sanderson, Jack vs. Jackson

North would be completely confused and frustrated. He couldn't understand how his counterpart can not be excited over Christmas lights, toys, sugared treats, and presents. Nick is living like a Cossack in Russian snow, only eating dried meat for survival; he avoids sugar like the plague, it tastes awful to him and he knows its not good for him or other children. Nick believes that North is sheltering children. Children in his eyes need to be prepared for disappointment, war, and famine. He hates parents who lie to their children instead of giving them the full truth of what is happening around them. None of that "you'll understand when you're older" crap. He is brutal in his honesty and leaves no room for imagination or misunderstanding. Nick sees North as one of those people and sees him as a weak excuse of a Cossack. North sees this man and cannot understand why he chooses to live his life so poorly when he's had opportunities to live in luxury. Nick only gets upset at this, because there are plenty of third-world children living as he does; children of which, North has not extended his reach to. Nick also treats his elves and yeti as lowly soldiers and servants, much to North's disgust.

Bunny would be deeply uncomfortable. Aster is so hopeless and so miserable over the loss of his species(?)/family. Aster resorts to machines because those never die. Bunny is angry about this because the machines Aster builds are full of pollutants that only destroy the world quicker. This only makes Aster cry harder and fall into deeper despair knowing his work to save everyone is only hurting them. He is inconsolable and Bunny just wants to avoid him.

Tooth would scold her other self. They'd probably get into an argument about safe dental practices. Thiana would insist crowns and cavity fillings are prettier than the real teeth, and that teeth of bad memories must be stored and activated when a child needs help remembering a traumatic event so it won't happen again. Tooth insists that good memories are the things to cherish more, since fear is not easily forgotten, but happiness is. The two would just endlessly bicker in all manner of languages.

Sandy and Sanderson would just be a silent, glaring staring contest. Sandy would have a frown on his face but Sanderson would be smiling. They'd tiptoe around each other, just waiting for one of them to make the wrong move. It'd be very tense.

Pitch would be disgusted. He'd cringe in the presence of his righteous knightly other. He'd roll his eyes and try to avoid him. Koz understands that Pitch is himself, another him who never made it out of his dark place. Where the loneliness overcame him. Koz wouldn't try and convince him to be better, but he is unafraid to show Pitch how good his life could be if he made different choices. Pitch is a little bitter about it.

Jack would try and talk to Jackson excitedly. Having someone his age, with his powers, and maybe with similar experiences is something he wants to talk about. However, Jackson isn't interested in talking. He thinks Jack is annoying. Jack is all about magic and fun, and Jackson detests his powers meant for evil and misery. At some point, Jack would finally get Jackson to talk, but it was not something he wanted to speak about. Jackson would ask him about his past and the family he left behind. Jackson would speak about his sister; how she must have been forced to marry young to support herself since their father was out of the picture, and that she probably blamed herself for his death, making her live a sad, guilty life. Jack would cover his ears and shout at Jackson, much like that scene where Jack is lured to Pitch's lair. "Stop it, stop it!" It wouldn't end very well.

As for the others, The Guardians would be reluctant to accept Koz, since they'd have a hard time wrapping their heads around a good kind of Pitch. Jack would take a liking to him. Sandy would be the one to deem Koz genuine after finding out they have similar jobs.

Pitch would initially be delighted at the Harbingers, but they aren't really a group, they prefer to ironically work alone. Pitch would become annoyed and upset that the Guardians' counterparts still basically want nothing to do with him. He finds Jackson and preys upon his fears and vulnerabilities to manipulate him against the Guardians (tho he has a difficult time weaponizing him against Koz)

There's a chance the evil Manny would speak to Jack, much to Jack's shock at the awful things the man says. Otherwise, the good Manny would try and keep that guy occupied until the Guardians can figure out how to separate their universes again.

[nobody-knose--archive]

so guess who bought complete demos today on a whim

yeah i wasn’t expecting this one to be over as quickly as it was either. have your liveblog

-complete demos. i bought it today & already forgot the tracklist. listening to it on the mp3 player i got for hmcrmshcidshdamsth because why not. makes pausing/typing easier that's why

-who the heck just coughed

-good lord the mixing is. and boy that's steve drumming isn't it. wow

-i mean we've got the stereo panning just like ever but this is incredibly rough. they are true babies aren't they

-oh those flutes are amazing what the hell. can people stop yelling in my individual ears

-and there's the rough megaphone. it's so incredibly clear that these aren't studio recordings but like. still tally hall!

-i think i'm finding many of these a little too funny but gotdam you're pitchbending your own voice do you really expect that to not sound so goofy at such a high pitch

-oh we're not slowing down at all, this is the same tempo as before for sure

-the flipping around audio channels is very not good at all when it comes to disguising the cuts between takes

-a sculptor you say? (is that one in the later versions? i don't remember it at all)

-nothing but rob's voices in the background and maybe 1 or two from red. no ross bits whatsoever. that's wild

-quick move into the greener intro and even quicker movement into greener itself

-well those are extra harmonies. interesting that they removed them for later versions because they're not bad, maybe a little out of place though

-honestly the biggest difference in steve vs ross drumming seems to be more a difference in the quality of the drums themselves. or the recording software but that applies to everything in this album

-it's painfully obvious that everything was recorded in really different circumstances & not mixed professionally and yep. complete demos alright. not inaccurately named in the slightest

-reminds me of the beta versions of g&e songs we heard live before they appeared on the album, makes me wonder if we could've gotten an admittedly complete demos for g&e somehow

-anyway these little different synths-

-hello there rob. alternate bridge. i have remembered this is a thing. something about tissues? a shoulder to cry on? cool

-yeah the little different synths do capture my attention from time to time

-and a basic piano for the outro? huh. sure gives it a different tone alright

-hm? who's that right at the end there- ooh! wtth time! and this still has steve in it doesn't it?

-generally more enthusiasm when it comes to that T, wonder what lost him attention in later years

-boy is that beatboxing weirdly mixed.

-lawn

-well this chorus is actually rather snazzy. the vocals seem better mixed than anything else i've heard in this album

-"who's to blame?" that's like the 4th time now i've heard someone's random voice that i can't recognize. ...it couldn't be steve, could it? i am now aware i have absolutely no clue what his voice sounds like but that seems like it could fit. hm

-zubin sounds really unenthusiastic here. just faintly unenthusiastic all over the place. still sounds more like "badiggle" than anything else

-oh shit they're falling down a well

-red's bit is hella unchanged other than the direct invasion of my individual ears & extra megaphone useage (i really wish the megaphone became more of a tally icon than it did but that's neither here nor there)

-it's rather more barebones though. less andrew keys in general. the calliope-reminiscent synth he uses is different i suppose.

-they did more stuff with funny crowd voices i think i've noticed. playing around with falsetto, as a college band dude might do

-ok yeah steve is a worse drummer. don't ask me what made me change my mind but i did

-wow a crowd that can consistently clap on the 1-2-3-4? how utterly unrealistic

-no wonky wild & weird intro to taken for a ride because i don't think it's on this album. understandable, i can't imagine what sort of wild hell the vocoder would be if it was attempted this early in its lifespan

-1st 2 piano chords of just apathy has me thinking of i know your name (deporitaz ver.) which is certainly as good a start to a song as any

-extended piano intro has me thinking of the ending of mold en mono but nope here's rob's voice to completely knock that impression out of the water

-ohoho? rob cantor swearing momence? i hadn't realized there'd be this many lyric changes

-interestingly enough this track doesn't seem horrendously mixed so far- nevermind that guitar/piano together is way too loud

-the guitar itself does have a pretty cool unique sound. obviously they hadn't had any access to string instruments at this point so given that those're the main thing separating this song from your average sade rock ballad there aren't a whole lot of notable differences here other than said guitar

-very different tone to this lil bridge. faintly reminiscent of weezer but it's not like i know anything about weezer

-sounds like the same synth from wtth being used in the bg there. what, did they have just that limited a selection so as to need repetition that frequently, or did they really like how it sounds? hard to tell with 200 (uhhhh) 4 college band dudes

-and right into two wuv. yes i had heard there's no haiku in this one but i forget what else will be missing. not sure if anything else will other than hidden in the sand. they would have ruler of everything, right? and a track that appears here but not any other albums? something like that i think

-more of that piano in the bg and more of mildly unenthusiastic zubin singing. different melody for said singing but it's not much of a secret that these guys were more untrained vocalists at this time

- .subsides?

-this chorus sounds significantly more laid-back than the later version

-the extra piano part sure moves this piece way further away from "rock love song" & way closer to "andrew horowitz song", especially that lil flourish where a bee buzzing might otherwise be

-ooh! andrew! he speaks! so does zubin! this song's two olsen boys coming in for a weird bridge bit! hell yeah oh this is adorable

-"because there's 2 of them :}"

-hm. are they actually just removing various parts because they don't have the technological capabilities to do a straight fadeout here? got dam

-i suppose letting zubin do a final solo-ish cadence works too

-uh- say it ain't so‽ w. no this is stationary love, the song that appeared here & nowhere else. cool, cool. strange but cool i guess

-i guess that can explain the multitude of weezer comparisons made for these lads. it's certainly there. honestly andrew was the only thing keeping them from being true weezer successors

-pure acoustic guitar thus far. this is my first time hearing this song of course & it seems like a pretty typical rob "homophonic heterophobic" cantor song

-nothing but acoustic guitar. nothing but rob vocals. nothing but alloromanticism. guess what! it's not my cup of tea! however i can't help but think if this song was worked on more, fixed up a la either mmmm release, with some more andrew/red touches, i could enjoy it some more

-not even any drumming. the simplicity could easily explain why it wasn't played live very often at all

-so the next thing i expect is some very funky & very weird spring and a storm which should highlight steve's (worse) drumming more than anything else i'm sure

-nevermind banana man's just getting slapped directly in here out of order compared to the later mmmm releases. this version i have indeed heard before because it's the version used in the music video

-therefore i have very little to say about it i haven't said on any of the other banana men. or other tracks on this album. the intrusions of vocal harmonies seem jarring because they're not mixed professionally, an effect that's only enhanced by the stereo panning & intense reverb

-this song really didn't change all that much over its lifespan, did it? vocal flairs were redone, but relatively few harmonies were added/removed, i don't think things like the bridge(s) were modified severely. not as noticeably as any of the other songs, at the very least

-i'm pretty sure i can hear andrew's voice in there but beyond that this is severely unsettling

-back to the chorus wahoo. relievingly  familiar territory

-get out of my left ear hawaiian guitar- wait a minute are my earbuds on wrong

-no i'm good

-oh holy shit i forgot this had to be somewhere didn't it‽ i know it's just the same! ok ok

-i've heard this one but only because i had no idea it was from complete demos, it's like rather polished too so i had never considered it would be on an unpolished album like this. i also had no idea that was goddam steve drumming in there too hot damn

-and this is the only recording of it‽ that's wild i always thought it was redone at some point & just kinda. manifested in one of the vague ways miscellaneous high quality tally hall songs do

-it's another romance one but the guitar arpeggios and extra layers give it a pass in my book. man i should watch the music video for it shouldn't i

-i still think it's utterly wild how tally hall played this at an actual high school's homecoming once. wouldn't that just blow your mind

-there's not a major difference between how it's performed here & what i've heard of it in from the occasional live performance, which is making me realize i should watch more live performances of this song

-angstier prequel to hidden in the sand

-or sidequel maybe. depends really. we can tell whatever stories we like

-did my hidden in the sand sotry come out of the queue yet? i feel like i queued it a while ago but also like y'all would've said something if you'd seen it

-bit slow paced innit. much like everything else in this album, it would have gained much from a professional studio treatment, but its mixing & general quality is still surely the best out of everything i've heard so far

-working your falsetto there aren't you my dude? ooh boy

-ruler of everything.... so no spring & a storm? >{

-yeah. ok. weird glockenspiel. almost sounds like a music box

-no vocoding either! i just realized that's a thing here! curious. and... those are some heavily wonky sfx in the background

-who's singing those aaaaas anyway? it's not a chorus which i thought could surely be handled and there's really minimal reverb too; strange considering not only is reverb a jh trademark but easily doable here

-the piano synth used is mostly identical to the 05 mmmm- oh holy shit there's different lyrics & they're being beamed directly into my skull

-even more nonsensical & it's because you can hear them hella easily too. that backwards segment did not need to go on as long as it did. also

-so no zubin vocals? >{

-slapping 5 billion vocal effects on doesn't make up for a lack of the best singer in this damn band

-especially because he sounds reminiscent of goddam fred. being fred before fred was even a thing. oh how accursed

-quiet down your guitars when you're singing shouting through a megaphone if you please

-and there's the earstrain-ass reverb + vocoding on the flibbity jibber jabber reprise. i feared as much would happen. doesn't sound horrible i just need to turn down the volume on my mp3 player

-honestly thing whole thing isn't bad at all in the sense that it's mostly just strongly different from the later versions & lacks zubin

-lease stop yelling though my dude schwiggling your voice like that isn't always a good thing at high volumes

-is that the end? are we.... at the end? i heard that's the name of some song from like sketches or something

-no. how silly of me to assume as much. anyway my dude needs to fix up his ukulele this one sounds like shit

-no vocal effects makes me realize how few times we got this one live-

-now what would you call a wonky little transition like that? puts a smile on my face, even if it does take me by surprise at the same time

-but at least one of the times this was done live featured casey shea

-now for the love of god i already hate the ending of something glowing (view-monster) for its weird-ass asmr finale don't reverse someone's cough & twiddle your ukulele strings directly into my right ear to end an otherwise really nice version of hidden in the sand if you please. oh mama mia. good night

[deargina9]

6th Grade

Dear Gina,

There’s a new boy in your class. He has the same color skin as you! Finally, you’re not alone! Oh wait. You know those looks. The teachers and kids at school are waiting for you guys to be best friends or something. Like a damn science experiment to see if they can get the two monkeys to play. You think he’s feeling the same way. Why else would he be treating you so poorly?! Since you’re used to this bullying thing by now it’s easier to “bite back”, isn’t it? Especially since he is being WAY WORSE than the other guys ever were. But he opened up that pandoras box and now it’s open season on you. My darling girl... you shut out another important lesson at this time in your life. Put my glasses on and I’ll show you. See?? See his family laying enormous pressure on him to succeed? See those same people pitting you two against each other also laughing and teasing the both of you? He was hurting too sweet girl. But because you let the darkness cover your eyes you couldn’t see it. Sweet girl, I don’t blame you for your very human action. We make mistakes and have our blinders on all the time. It’ll take some life experience for you to learn to pull that dark veil off quicker. Just remember you did the best you could under the circumstances to survive and protect yourself against even more pain. 

Your sensual curiosity for boys is developing more. There’s a boy in class you’re crazy about! He still teases you but for some reason you don’t think he means it. Maybe because we were taught as girls that if a boy teases you that means he likes you. He’s cute but he is not very nice to you. Best of a bad situation I suppose. Let me give you some motherly advice....CUT THE CORD! You are a beautiful soul who doesn’t deserve a “love” like that. A man is supposed to lift you up in a relationship. Encourage and motivate you to achieve your highest good. What he gave you is NOT love. This is so important! Don’t forget this wonderful lesson. Forgive yourself for allowing dysfunctional ideas of love cloud your judgment.  

Alex has been such a great best friend. This rock music is almost overwhelmingly therapeutic. Why isn’t everyone listening to this amazing genre of music? It’s the rawest expression of emotion you’ve ever felt. Dang it. We have to hide it from mom. She would be really upset if she found out. Gospel and classical music are the only things that cut it in this house. Guess what though? Mom was doing the best she could with what she was dealing with.  Mom was dealing with “losing” her first born going to college on the other side of the country and all the stress that could go into that. Also, this is where her marriage slowly stated to fall a part. Dad was going out and buying new things without even consulting her or taking her feelings into account. In a way, dearest Gina, Mom was getting bullied too. Forgive her for not noticing you. It wasn’t because she didn’t love or didn’t want to get to know you. She was just fighting her own battles. 

Your favorite get away was piano lessons with Mrs. E. She was the nicest person and everyone loved her. Especially you! She gave us confidence that we could do anything we put our mind to! It was great to be allowed to get so creative vs my other world which was so controlling. Wait, WHAT?!  I thought when you love someone enough to marry them, they don’t cheat. Mr. W was such a nice man who was always smiling and cared deeply and loved his family. How could Mrs. W do that!? She was with WHO!? MR. E?! My piano teacher’s husband!? The school’s and church’s moral fall a part. They didn’t deserve that did they? It hurt you more than anything to see your piano teacher so deeply hurt. Your lesson here, dear one, is that everyone has flaws. No one is perfect and that’s okay! When you make “mistakes” you’re creating a new prospective and learning lessons that will help you or someone else down the line. 

I intend to bring my inner child and all her painful wounds and experiences back into union with my now self. I AM SO LOVED! I am so grateful for this life lesson. It is done. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Sick Kids

ihatemyguts: Hey, who's about today? brainpain: 👀 brainpain: 👃 brainpain: 👅 ihatemyguts: Uncanny brainpain: I know ihatemyguts: Artistic endeavors keeping you busy? brainpain: [a selfie of her dramatic 🌈 makeup aesthetic] ihatemyguts: Okay but I'm gonna need a tutorial ihatemyguts: I never even mastered lipstick brainpain: I'll hook you up brainpain: check your private msgs ihatemyguts: 👍🙏 ihatemyguts: if my face is gonna be 🌚 from now on, it should really look pretty ihatemyguts: #juststeroidthings brainpain: it's a good face brainpain: + if I can rock a half shaved head with my brainpain: 👀 brainpain: 👃 brainpain: 👅 brainpain: not a time to still be alive brainpain: LMAO ihatemyguts: no doubt you rocked it so well everyone thought it was a choice brainpain: you gotta act like you're starting a 🌚 worshipping cult brainpain: I'll do a tutorial for that brainpain: full face of silver ihatemyguts: I can get down with that ihatemyguts: 🙌🌊🩸🐺🙌 ihatemyguts: am here on a bit of a recruitment mission, actually brainpain: my housemates & I are all synced 🩸 wise so you'd be doing me a favour, newbie brainpain: living battle royale over here brainpain: not trying to recruit you to fight to the death by my side though, we're good brainpain: what's the job? ihatemyguts: That sounds delightful, man ihatemyguts: also lowkey how has that never happened, not even with my ma ihatemyguts: clearly just that cold and standoffish she's like nah ihatemyguts: maybe I should wait 'til Zach is here too 'cos it was kinda his idea but if I give cred now, we're all good and I can take the blame if it's a big nope brainpain: you're still a 👶 not even gonna be synced with yourself yet brainpain: hold up I'll drag him by his curls brainpain: out there having a life like a real boy 😤 ihatemyguts: 😂 ihatemyguts: he'll get tricked into going to a weird Funland island and get turned into a donkey for his crimes, it's okay brainpain: sounds lit brainpain: [inandout has entered the chat] inandout: 🤥 ihatemyguts: How's your conscience? ihatemyguts: 🦗🦗🦗 inandout: 💎 clear ihatemyguts: 🤨 suspect inandout: you're not my wine mum inandout: or vodka aunt ihatemyguts: How rude ihatemyguts: Put some respect on your cult leader inandout: 🙇🙏 inandout: no food offerings ihatemyguts: safe bet gotspoons: 👋 I'm here! gotspoons: having a great day today, actually got energy, whaaaa?! 😲🤭 inandout: quick! float the idea while she's on cloud 9 gotspoons: You make me sound like an ogre, Zach 😜 gotspoons: what's going on? brainpain: Princess ogre ihatemyguts: Fiona ihatemyguts: v chic ihatemyguts: anyway, as we're all 👍 besides battle royale 🩸 ihatemyguts: we was thinking, and talking 'bout, a potential meetup ihatemyguts: thought we'd float it, see what y'all 💭 brainpain: I've got a 🍳 I'm 👍 + in ihatemyguts: which princess is that? one with crazy long hair, I 👀 it ihatemyguts: it could be cool, yeah? and why not, we'd have to make sure everyone who wants to can obvs or what's the point but apart from that brainpain: Princess me, unless the bleach makes it all fall out 😬 brainpain: [a very her style location] 📌🌎 inandout: we're not doing it there gotspoons: This is the problem, guys 😩 gotspoons: it would be really awesome but there is SO much planning you'd have to do to make it safe for everyone gotspoons: and picking a place for everyone that meets all the requirements inandout: we're willing to do all that inandout: planning + safety stuff ihatemyguts: totally ihatemyguts: like we could even go to a park or somewhere totally neutral ihatemyguts: or see if we can find some council-owned hall or something, 'cos places like that HAVE to be accessible ihatemyguts: I don't mind calling around and I bet Rich knows lots, and you will think of ALL the ways to keep EVERYONE safe and happy, right Rosie? brainpain: where I used to have support group would actually work brainpain: [a decent location that's like a community centre of something] ihatemyguts: 🙌 that looks legit ihatemyguts: if we explain what we're tryna do, bet they won't even charge us brainpain: I've got a hook up as ⭐ pupil brainpain: had my pick of those circle of chairs tigerbalm: 🙀🙀🙀🙀 tigerbalm: are we REALLY going to be able to meet up in person?! inandout: possibly gotspoons: How are we going to do this, IF we can gotspoons: you have to think about food and drink and seating and how we'd cover that, even if they did give us the venue for free inandout: I'm great with funds, it's assumed and expected gotspoons: but is that fair? gotspoons: I know some of us have none or very little inandout: I won't charge any of you a fee to come through the doors inandout: not that Jewish gotspoons: Oh, Zach! ihatemyguts: 🤑 is an accessibility issue, this should be a service, it should exist for free ihatemyguts: but it doesn't ihatemyguts: so if we can do this for ourselves, and offer it for free, for as little expense as possible ihatemyguts: maybe people will pull their finger out and consider actually doing their job ihatemyguts: you can write about it on your blog, get the word out brainpain: I'll fund-raise on stream, I've got your backs, nerds ihatemyguts: Right? High🖐 ihatemyguts: it's for US, so all of us that can, will put money into it ihatemyguts: no pressure on the ones that can't, fuck that, if anyone is gonna be that arsehole then they aren't welcome, yeah? tigerbalm: my parents have a people carrier, cos of course they do, but my creepy uncle won't be invited if any of y'all need rides ihatemyguts: 🤩🤩🤩 gotspoons: I'm going to do some research gotspoons: A LOT of research gotspoons: I would hate for anything to happen to anyone is this group tigerbalm: Where's Rich? tigerbalm: he would love to be on the front lines about this gotspoons: He would be a big help gotspoons: I feel like he had a uni thing today, an open day or something like that??? gotspoons: ugh my memory letting me down AS PER tigerbalm: how exciting! tigerbalm: I'll have to quiz him when he shows gotspoons: I know! gotspoons: He always checks in though, he'll be here later brainpain: Moving on, for those of us too brain damaged for further education gotspoons: 😔 brainpain: just me & my raging hormones LOL brainpain: he'll be such a happy nerd gotspoons: that's for sure gotspoons: he'll probably know so many answers to our questions already enablednotdisabled: I thought this group existed in lieu of an in-person group? brainpain: sup dude, it does enablednotdisabled: wouldn't it be potentially exclusionary to take this offline then? enablednotdisabled: realistically, there will be some of us who simply cannot get there inandout: if you wanna get there, we'll make it happen inandout: facetime you in if nothing else works enablednotdisabled: I'm not talking for myself, just others who might not feel confident enough to inandout: collective "you" inandout: we've all got phones enablednotdisabled: I just feel like this group can be quite us vs. them at times enablednotdisabled: hard to get heard if you aren't in the core group tigerbalm: There isn't a core group tigerbalm: everyone is listened to & respected enablednotdisabled: With all due respect, you are a part of it enablednotdisabled: so, of course, you feel that way enablednotdisabled: I'm not suggesting you can't break off and do your own thing, but the main chat of this forum that is meant to be for all of us, isn't the place for it brainpain: this group is what you make it, man brainpain: + the main chat brainpain: hit us with a topic you wanna talk about whenever inandout: it was brought up here so everyone knows they're invited ihatemyguts: I'm new and everyone I've found has been really receptive and welcoming to whatever I've had to say ihatemyguts: it sucks that you've not had that experience yourself but no one here is excluding you right now, least of all Robyn enablednotdisabled: There's a definite atmosphere here, whether you want to acknowledge it or not enablednotdisabled: the guidelines of what is expected and what is acceptable need to be clearer enablednotdisabled: and the moderators, who I've never actually witnessed in chat, should be quicker to put people on the right track, making this more therapeutic/beneficial to all, ban people if necessary brainpain: If you 🔎 hard enough for an atmosphere, it's findable brainpain: when you come in with a definite attitude of your own that's not gonna help none gotspoons: There's no need for us to have an argument, this is supposed to be a positive space gotspoons: if you have a complaint you'd like to make @enablednotdisabled, there is a link to contact the mods directly gotspoons: but I'd be happy to talk to you, privately if you'd prefer, and then we can take it from there? enablednotdisabled: I can handle my own complaints, thanks enablednotdisabled: and this isn't a positive space for me, and plenty other people I've talked to gotspoons: It hurts me to hear that, I'm really sorry and steps do need to be taken to attempt to rectify that then handicapable: I agree, it's cliquey here, unless you're one of the 'popular kids' or core group as @enablednotdisabled said, nobody cares handicapable: @ihatemyguts may be new but her finding a way in doesn't mean the walls aren't there for the rest of us handicapable: I barely log in any more gotspoons: Then let's tackle this culture head on gotspoons: do either of you have suggestions on how we could go about that, so I'm not dominating the conversation handicapable: You're not the one who dominates the conversation ihatemyguts: Don't think we need to @ people with specific comments like that ihatemyguts: not speaking for myself brainpain: @ me, baby brainpain: At least then I could defend myself brainpain: 🤐 though ihatemyguts: You've got the floor, like tigerbalm: It's not a safe space for Lauren if she can't say what she wants to say at risk of being accused of dominating the chat tigerbalm: either you want people to feel listened to or you don't ihatemyguts: And yeah, I am new, but I know Lauren, or anyone else in the chat rn, would not shoot you down if you wanted to change topic enablednotdisabled: It's about who always seems to be dictating the topic enablednotdisabled: we could change it, but then you feel like an interloper ihatemyguts: The conversation has to start somewhere, by someone ihatemyguts: @handicapable admitted to barely logging in now, of course the people who are here more will talk more, that's a given, it doesn't mean you're not allowed to contribute or come in to the convo ihatemyguts: there's no way to avoid that...prompts? mods only? that's not natural, or practical inandout: bible quotes inandout: 1 Peter 5:10 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Why are we quoting scripture? inandout: Lauren's been here for like 2 years but suddenly she's a disruptive force tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Well that's bullshit tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: unless you're a incel on her stream brainpain: you know me brainpain: how was your open day, babe? brainpain: (unless I'm a domineering b word for asking) tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Decent, despite the fact no one was expecting the wheelchair kid tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: despite the fact I called ahead tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you can dominate me all you want but let me catch up with this apparent shitstorm I've missed brainpain: what a sexy proposition brainpain: I knew I'd missed you enablednotdisabled: Right, that's that conversation over then enablednotdisabled: 👌 brainpain: come on, man ihatemyguts: This is ridiculous ihatemyguts: people have formed meaningful relationships here, they're not allowed to acknowledge that in case someone feels left out, if you've talked to plenty of other people about the state of this forum, then clearly you've formed deeper bonds with them too ihatemyguts: no one here begrudges you that ihatemyguts: you're bound to get on with certain people over others, there's nothing discriminatory about that, it's to be expected tigerbalm: Like, are we supposed to take everything to PMs now? Cos I wanna hear about Rich's open day too but maybe he doesn't wanna type everything out to separate people lots of separate times ihatemyguts: ^You're just being rude, for the sake of it ihatemyguts: Rosie has offered to privately message about this, or you can put it all in an email to the mods tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Okay tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: literally, 'we' (I'll include myself in this core group that you see, even if I don't see that as a valid argument), have done nothing to you two, have never excluded either of you tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: everyone here is welcoming, and was welcoming you before your complaints tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: which aren't rooted in anything I can see as factual tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: what's the actual issue here? you're just hitting out buzzwords handicapable: and you're just jumping to the defence of the girl you like flirting with brainpain: Whoa now! That's not all I am in here tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: See, that's multiple times you've personally made jabs at Lauren tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: none of us have made any comments on you two personally tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it seems like you're more cliquey than us if you can't see her as a valued member of the group brainpain: I'm not gonna leave cos you want on Rich for being hot af brainpain: shoutout to the new girl for letting that be known though tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Thank you, m'dear (somewhere between 🎩 and 🧢) tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but thanks for implying I'm so desperate that I'd flirt with a girl I'd never seen before @handicapable tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: things are not quite that bad, I can assure you inandout: we're all that desperate, where have we heard that before? inandout: @normal people tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and we don't deserve any relationships that are deeper than strictly clinical and professional inandout: which is why we don't need to talk to any one person more than once tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Shout your grievances into the void and move on tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but don't be too depressing about it ihatemyguts: This group doesn't work, you're right, just not for the reasons you're giving ihatemyguts: but we're all welcome to do what we must about making it work, even if I disagree with yours personally ihatemyguts: at least we try, and if you view us as an 'us' then you also view yourself as a group ihatemyguts: which isn't how I see it, or it's meant to be ihatemyguts: it's a group as a whole inandout: I wanted to organise a meet up to make things cooler inandout: sometimes you don't wanna shout shit into the void inandout: you wanna look someone in the eye when you're talking to them inandout: so you don't have to feel othered ihatemyguts: ^^ inandout: I get to do things with all my other friends inandout: that's what you guys are tigerbalm: I don't have other friends, I'm not saying it to make anyone 😿 tigerbalm: but I don't tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: you've got us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and we don't need to apologize for being friends tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and I think meeting up is a really good idea, I'll be happy to help brainpain: It's okay, Robyn, none of us have done anything wrong gotspoons: I've contacted the moderators, I'll let you know when I get a response brainpain: I did too ✌️ gotspoons: Good, everyone who feels they need to, should gotspoons: I'm glad your open-day went well, Rich brainpain: me too, hot 🤓 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Thanks, guys tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's got potential tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: once I get there and make some changes, of course tigerbalm: 🙌 You go, Rich! 🧡 tigerbalm: not to use a banned word but you do inspire me for when I get to uni myself tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: We'll allow it, well I will because I love a compliment tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and you'll be great when you do tigerbalm: I hope my parents won't make me stay local tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: If you don't want to, you shouldn't tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: don't let anything stop you tigerbalm: I'll try not to tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: when you need them, I can throw all the resources and info at you tigerbalm: thanks brainpain: Can we talk about me now cos that's the ONLY reason I'm here LMAO ihatemyguts: @Zach, gonna come at her with your famous line? inandout: you've built it up now ihatemyguts: 🙄 ugh, baby inandout: are we at pet names? cool ihatemyguts: 😂 shut up ihatemyguts: but don't, all voices welcome inandout: yours is dragon ball z inandout: for today ihatemyguts: romantic ihatemyguts: we're meant to be talking about Lauren inandout: Lauren's is low blow ihatemyguts: got a real talent, kid ihatemyguts: may as well do the entire group inandout: wouldn't wanna exclude anyone ihatemyguts: 😏 ihatemyguts: no one will be devastated about that, trust me inandout: damn inandout: or dang ihatemyguts: is that another group rule I've shamelessly flouted? 😬 brainpain: It's a me rule, dragon ball brainpain: you're safe in this safe space ihatemyguts: I'll do my best to mind my Ps & Qs ihatemyguts: 🤞 brainpain: you're fine I'm just aware of my 👵 status brainpain: don't wanna spook the 👶s ihatemyguts: thoughtful ihatemyguts: 👌 brainpain: who knew? brainpain: check me out, not being a huge b word ihatemyguts: honestly, disappointing brainpain: @ my exes ihatemyguts: they aren't here, are they ihatemyguts: @fibro not included brainpain: only my next brainpain: when I snag Rich for myself brainpain: gotta tame that playboy ihatemyguts: so many 💔💔💔 @ this news brainpain: long as you're not brainpain: he's too old for you, babe tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I feel used tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and yes, much too 👴 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: be your ex-husband at this rate brainpain: I'm not gonna say, you can use me too, in front of the children brainpain: but mutual love & respect, boy tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Shocking behaviour, Mrs brainpain: asking for discipline would also be over the line, sir gotspoons: OKAY gotspoons: putting a stop to this convo thank you gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: 😳 gotspoons: have I covered it? brainpain: g dang it, Rich! Have I not been involved in enough controversy for one day? brainpain: turn away from me, you sexy beast gotspoons: you're very cute but terrible gotspoons: ogre princess putting her foot down on this one tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I'll take the blame tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: rushing to your defense again brainpain: 😍 ihatemyguts: sure wish someone would run in and change the topic ihatemyguts: it's like mum and dad have had too much 🍷 inandout: could be a prime time for you to ask Robbie on your first date, dbz ihatemyguts: Oh yeah! 💡 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 💘 is in the air tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: careful, Zach ihatemyguts: Robyn, have you decided what you're gonna wear to your party yet? tigerbalm: I have a moodboard tigerbalm: would you like to see it? ihatemyguts: Um, absolutely tigerbalm: [that moodboard] ihatemyguts: So, you'd be up for going into town to try-on stuff, right? ihatemyguts: I can think of some shops with some unique stuff tigerbalm: 😺!!! ihatemyguts: Is that a yes 😺 or a I'm calling the police 😺? tigerbalm: I'd love to tigerbalm: my parents might call the police though ihatemyguts: that's alright, I've given you a fake name tigerbalm: they would think so tigerbalm: but their name choices are pretty boring ihatemyguts: at least you've got a super cute name ihatemyguts: if it'd make them feel better though, I'll come meet them or whatever tigerbalm: oh thanks x2 tigerbalm: that's so nice ihatemyguts: 'course ihatemyguts: who doesn't like shopping? inandout: I don't inandout: that much ihatemyguts: that'll be why you didn't ask yourself inandout: I would never third wheel your date inandout: very uncool ihatemyguts: well, if anyone does wanna come along, that'd be alright brainpain: happy to invite myself into any convo or situation ihatemyguts: 🤓 or 😎 ihatemyguts: you could do our makeup ihatemyguts: because not joking about the trainwreck it is when I do ihatemyguts: 🤡 not the theme brainpain: to avoid a spooky 🤡 resurge brainpain: I shall gotspoons: 😱😱😱😱 gotspoons: I hate clowns tigerbalm: SAME! my brothers love the 🤡🎈 films but I can't watch 🙀 gotspoons: Nooooooo gotspoons: even the advert was scary tigerbalm: ever since I went to the 🎪🐘🤡🍿 as a child I'm like traumatised inandout: once I got dragged along when my parents went shopping for a sofa and there was a clown there inandout: as a mascot or something gotspoons: 😭 THAT'S HORRIFYING inandout: fever dreams are made of this inandout: he kept trying to ruffle my hair ihatemyguts: definitely a bad omen ihatemyguts: that clown was there to warn you about...something inandout: I'm not classing it as a date though, you still get to go first inandout: the warning'll simply be my impending death ihatemyguts: your first bad omen ihatemyguts: n'awh inandout: cute, right? ihatemyguts: 🐭 🐹 🐰 inandout: 🐿🦔 ihatemyguts: 🦄 brainpain: sure, I'll chaperone you two brainpain: ✨ ihatemyguts: result brainpain: arms length, Zachary gotspoons: I feel like I'm on a dating site brainpain: there'd be way more fibros if we were gotspoons: I've never even attempted to date gotspoons: such a minefield brainpain: if you change your mind, I'll get my sister to list off which ones to avoid brainpain: she feeds me a new spooky story weekly gotspoons: see, it's bad enough without the added 'who I am' drama brainpain: get yourself a love interest with more 🚑💊💉 drama than you, that's what I do brainpain: you're the chill one by comparison gotspoons: Rich is still here lurking, you know 🤭 brainpain: he knows what we have is deep + meaningful tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👌 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: very serious brainpain: I'm coaching Rosie for her first venture into dating not discussing our lengthy but ultimately doomed love affair tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: doomed because 💀💀 or doomed because someone will join the group with ultimate 🚑💊💉 drama and better hair? brainpain: @Zach with that death clock bs brainpain: doomed cos you'll meet a hot 🤓 at uni brainpain: nobody has better hair than either of us tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Okay then, I won't be pre-offended and call you out on that nonsense brainpain: that isn't a promise that you'll still have time for me brainpain: we're all waiting, Rich tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: depends how hot and how nerdy this university girl is, of course brainpain: Profess your undying love for me or get out, honestly tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 😏 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Rosie will shut it down again brainpain: 😉 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: She's a hater 💔 gotspoons: 😱 Rich! gotspoons: I'm very supportive brainpain: LOL gotspoons: 😥 gotspoons: I love love brainpain: you're a 🧸 brainpain: I love you, Rosemary brainpain: feel free to ignore my husband gotspoons: I ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 you all too gotspoons: even if you test my nerves sometimes, it's only in a good way 😅 tigerbalm: So, if one of us had  a 'normal' crush, would that be doomed? tigerbalm: asking for a friend 😳 gotspoons: OF COURSE NOT gotspoons: you're beautiful gotspoons: spill spill! tigerbalm: there isn't much to say except his running route goes past my house tigerbalm: we've 👋 at each other but no conversation has happened gotspoons: HOW EXCITING ihatemyguts: You've gotta talk to him ihatemyguts: such a meet-cute tigerbalm: I have no idea what I would say ihatemyguts: a hello to go with the 👋 to start ihatemyguts: you'll know what to do tigerbalm: a 'how are you?' to follow but what then? ihatemyguts: something like...you run this route often? ihatemyguts: do you run anywhere else? ihatemyguts: are you single? tigerbalm: 🐱 gotspoons: Oh! gotspoons: What does he look like? gotspoons: Can you take a picture? gotspoons: No, perhaps not gotspoons: I've got snap happy now 😅 tigerbalm: I'll try if I can do it without anyone else noticing tigerbalm: it's okay if my cat judges me, but no humans tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I cannot officially endorse this behaviour, ladies tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: but I'm sure he would be very flattered and consider himself lucky, Robyn tigerbalm: Oh Rich, you're such a big softie 😸 brainpain: LMAO brainpain: forget the boy, I want pics of your cat tigerbalm: [cat pics] 🧡 inandout: that is a potentially judgemental looking moggy, be careful tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: girl or boy? tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: he or she is very distinguished looking, I feel tigerbalm: me & my mum were feeling outnumbered, so she got adopted too tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: fight the power ✊ tigerbalm: I have rabbits too but they would probably encourage me, they're pretty naughty tigerbalm: for fairness tigerbalm: [rabbit pics] brainpain: I had 🐭🐭 as a kid brainpain: LOVED those critters brainpain: [picture of kiddo Lauren with mice on her shoulders] ihatemyguts: I wish I was allowed pets with fur ihatemyguts: scales only inandout: I'm not either inandout: my brother's allergic ihatemyguts: maybe we have the same brother ihatemyguts: slightly concerned now inandout: yours isn't as old as mine, we know that inandout: unless some kind of freaky time loop or something has happened ihatemyguts: I'm you in a parallel universe inandout: before I agree to co-sign, do you have any pets with scales? ihatemyguts: 🐉 🐲 inandout: cool inandout: I accept our parallel lives ihatemyguts: [pics of your dragons 'cos probably have one each lowkey] inandout: if I'm the only petless one in the "core" I will have to hang my head ihatemyguts: you can have joint custody ihatemyguts: don't worry inandout: pet names + a pet share? What a day ihatemyguts: v generous inandout: I'm making that discovery ihatemyguts: 🎁🔍 inandout: I wish we were doing a treasure hunt inandout: that's gonna be date 4 ihatemyguts: challenge accepted ihatemyguts: you gotta find the treasure outside then rehide it though ihatemyguts: more fun inandout: rules accepted ihatemyguts: if you happen to find 💰💎🏺🧭🔮🧿📿 then we'll bury it inandout: what happens if I find a 🗝? ihatemyguts: #5 finding the 🚪 or 🔓 it fits brainpain: Wait, how many dates am I chaperoning you 👶🤓s for? brainpain: gotta find a ✏️ to write this down ihatemyguts: technically, Zach wants to wait 'til he's not 🔞 ihatemyguts: unless you're well dedicated to protect and serve ihatemyguts: also plenty of time to lose that 📄 inandout: don't listen to her, the first date is Robbie's party and we've all 📅 ihatemyguts: might be a double date ihatemyguts: 💃🏃 tigerbalm: I'm so happy that you're both coming! tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Of course they're not missing the event of the season tigerbalm: 😸😺 tigerbalm: I better plan some more tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: It is your forte tigerbalm: compliments are yours tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: and hair tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: humility, less so brainpain: I can vouch for that being why we're soulmates tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: it's the way you can dominate a conversation tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: like a girl with something to say brainpain: 😏 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Tease brainpain: you'd be into it if I were tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: now she speaks 🤫 tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: If Rosie isn't sleeping she'll be 😖 brainpain: I know how to behave, you're the bad influence here tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Gladly take that reputation tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: much worse could be said about me brainpain: catch that 2nd wave of drama when the haters log back in tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: I hope so brainpain: only cos you missed the kick off tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: Not taking politics for nothing brainpain: they can 🔫 @ me if it means you get your 🎓 babe tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: long as I can 🛡 without being fibro about it brainpain: you did tooexhaustedtolivevicariously: 👍 gotspoons: I was thinking gotspoons: maybe if we make more boards for specific topics, that would be better? gotspoons: then the chat could be just that, a casual chat that isn't necessarily disability related but us related, as people gotspoons: what do you guys think? brainpain: I'm in inandout: me too inandout: I was gonna make a similar suggestion but it was my last idea that started everything earlier gotspoons: It's not your fault, Zach gotspoons: I just need to do some admin, update the site tigerbalm: I can help if you need any gotspoons: Thanks, Robbie

[cagetraumasam-archive]

Dean: When’s that little idiot gonna stop running from us?

Sam: I don’t know, Dean. I mean, you did try to kill his mother.

Dean: I was trying to kill Crowley, okay? Who happened to be wearing Kevin’s mother at the time. Well, there’s a difference!

Sam: Apparently not to Kevin! Oh, I know, maybe because, oh yeah, it’s his mother!

There are two things I find really interesting about this exchange.

For one thing, the difference in the way Sam and Dean view the situation is very telling. Ever since they got Ruby’s knife back in season three, saving vessels became less of a priority to them, because it’s quicker to use the knife to kill than to exorcize the demons. Even Sam is guilty of this: in season four, he tried to save the victims of possession by using his psychic abilities to exorcize demons, but after he accidentally breaks the final seal and releases Lucifer, he (for the most part) stops using those abilities and more often than not, resorts to killing the demon, despite the fact that it means killing the vessel, too. Dean also does this, and in season four, actively encouraged Sam to use the knife rather than his powers, even when Sam argued that “the knife kills the victim.” I don’t totally blame them for this; though I think they could make more of an effort to exorcize demons when it’s a possibility, I get that sometimes, it’s not. They have a hard line of work, and sometimes they have to make tough decisions.

The problem is, the writers stopped framing it as a tough decision to kill the vessel along with the demon. Instead, it just became part of what they do; unfortunate, maybe, but not something that they dwell on very much after season four. I think that, up until I saw this scene, I assumed that the Winchesters both started to disconnect themselves from the situation at hand. There are times when it seems that both of them either don’t remember or have to force themselves not to care that behind every demon, there’s a person. Which I guess I get; though I’m of the opinion that their job doesn’t necessitate as much thoughtless violence as they feel it does, I do understand that they are in a situation I’ve never been in and will never be in. The fact of the matter is, I don’t know what kind of choices I would make in their shoes. I know the choices I think I’d make, and I know the kind of person I would like to be, but you don’t really know for sure what you’ll do in a situation until you’re in that situation. The Winchesters may act like they don’t remember or don’t care about the vessels, but I don’t think it’s true that they actually don’t care or remember; that’s what they have to tell themselves to do the things that they believe are necessary. 

Which is part of what makes this scene so interesting to me. Sam, at this moment, shows that he doesn’t always let himself forget or not care and, moreover, that he doesn’t think that he should. He feels that it’s important to be aware and understanding of the fact that every vessel that they kill to kill a demon has a life, has people who love them, has a family. And so even though he’s frustrated because they do need to find Kevin, he doesn’t act like Kevin as no reason to be angry or scared. He’s conscientious of the fact that in choosing to do the hard thing, they are hurting people in the process, and while they feel that they are doing the right thing, that’s not how it’s going to come across to other people. He’s aware that most people can’t separate and say “you weren’t trying to kill my mom, you were trying to kill the demon.” To a kid, to pretty much anyone, that doesn’t matter. If you tried to kill a demon, but the demon was possessing his mom, you still tried to kill his mom. It’s a small moment, but it shows that despite the fact that sometimes he feels that he has to take callous actions for the greater good, he is empathetic and conscientious that it’s a whole complicated mess. It paves the way for season eleven, where Sam recognizes that their disregard for vessels has gone too far and makes an active attempt to start doing better. (God, I wish the writers had let that storyline continue.)

Dean doesn’t get it. Or if he does, he just doesn’t care all that much. He seems to genuinely think that Kevin should just get over the fact that Dean tried to kill his mom because he was really trying to kill Crowley. Like. People are allowed to be upset about collateral damage, ESPECIALLY when it’s avoidable. It seems to me that, in detaching himself from his own feelings about the people vs. the demons inhabiting them, he expects others to be able to do the same, and seems to genuinely not understand when they can’t. Like, he says he would have hated himself for killing Mrs. Tran in the episode where he almost does it, but here, he pretty much says that it would have been justified, and doesn’t seem able to understand why anyone would think otherwise. This isn’t me trying to hate on Dean, though I guess I can see how it might come across that way, and as such, I’ll be sure to tag it appropriately. It’s not something I like about him, admittedly, but I do find it fascinating. I guess I’m just wondering how these fundamental differences between the way that Sam and Dean are able to understand this situation developed. 

The other thing I find interesting (and I can’t really say whether it’s connected; I think it might be, but I’m not entirely sure how) is the focus on the person in question being Kevin’s mother. 

Dean, of all people, should probably be able to empathize with Kevin in this situation. Dean knows what it’s like to have his own mother actually be killed. So, even if he thinks that what he did was justified, I find it surprising that he doesn’t at least seem to understand why Kevin isn’t able to let go of the fact that, even inadvertently, Dean tried to kill his mother. Dean knows what it’s like to lose a mother. Moreover, he knows what it’s like to remember having a mother and lose her.

Sam doesn’t. He lost his mother, same as Dean, don’t get me wrong. But he doesn’t even remember her. By this point, Sam has met his mother for a couple of minutes as a ghost, had a hallucination of her, and time-traveled to meet her when she was young. So he’s only really met her, twice, for brief periods of time, and he never got to know her. He never grew up with her, not even for four years. (Note: I’m not saying losing her wasn’t hard for Dean, I’m saying that losing her was hard for both Sam and Dean in very different ways.) And despite that, despite never really knowing what exactly it is to be a son to a mother (at this point in the series; obviously, a lot changes in season twelve), he understands why losing her or even the thought that he could have lost her would be hard for Kevin.

These roles are... sort of surprising to me. It definitely surprises me that Dean doesn’t seem even a little empathetic to Kevin’s plight. I can’t help but wonder why, you know? I think the writers are trying to imply, here, that Dean has been hardened by Purgatory, and while I can see that, I don’t believe that that can be the only reason. I just... I cannot wrap my head around Dean not even trying to empathize with Kevin here.

Sam’s role in this situation is less surprising to me, admittedly. For one thing, (with the exception, of course, of his time without a soul), Sam’s always been an incredibly empathetic person, to the point where most people would classify it as his identifying trait. Sam is able to feel empathy for all sorts of people, even and sometimes especially people that have very different experiences than him. So it’s not surprising to me that Sam is so clearly able to understand where Kevin’s coming from... in fact, I’d venture to say that it’s because of their differences in this area that Sam’s able to empathize with Kevin. Sam doesn’t know what it’s like to grow up with his mom the way that Kevin does, and he doesn’t know what it’s like to have that connection with her. But based on the subtle moments pre-season twelve we get with Sam clearly wishing he had gotten to have a relationship with his mom, I’m willing to bet that he would have done anything for even just five minutes with her; for a hug from her. (He got one in season twelve! Ah!) And so he understands. He understands why Kevin’s upset; because if he’d been lucky enough to have had his mom around when he was young, he would’ve wanted to protect her. He understands that Kevin is so scared and angry and upset because, yeah, of course, that’s how you’re supposed to feel when you have a mom and someone tries to kill her.

I’m not sure if this actually counts as meta or if this just me rambling. I’m just genuinely interested in the different ways Sam and Dean each react to and interact with and understand this situation.

[hippityhoppityyourenowmyproperty]

Reset!Rant (part 4)

Blackout

Chapter: 1

Thad: "Even though Craydl was programmed to obey my dear grandfather over me, he still could hold a conversation and be useful. While you have some rudimentary communicative abilities, it's not the same. I could say the same of Bart."

This is a put down that comes out of the blue and it shows how normal it has become for Thad to resort to insulting Bart. This insult is especially tasteless when you remember that a lot of ND people have problems with verbal communication/talk too fast/talk too loud or too quiet/have trouble expressing their thought and can go nonverbal. So yeah, basically another slice at Bart for having ADHD, wouldn't you know it.

Thad's vision blacked out and he grabbed the washing machine for stability. If felt as if the bottom fell out of his world. He knew this feeling all too well now, but it had never been as bad as this. He staggered away from the laundry and into the kitchen to sit.

.................................... Helen's voice echoed from the kitchen. "Thad? I just got a call from the school. Bart passed out in class and I'm going to pick him up. I'll be home soon." When Helen returned home with Bart, Thaddeus was waiting in the kitchen with a smirk on his face. "You passed out?" Bart scowled and stomped off to dump his backpack and jacket off on his bedroom floor. Thaddeus snorted, still sneering.

Making fun of someone because they showed physical weakness, that's stereotypical school yard bullying right there. "Haha look at you you loser! You passed out. You're such a weakling!" Thad is so...pathetic in this. He is so desperate for power, so desperate to be superior to Bart. He waited all this time in the kitchen just so that he could throw Bart this line. He clinges to everythign that will make him appear better than Bart. He obssessively seeks out every little one of his flaws and mistakes in order to maintain his big ego. It's almost pittyful. Of course he snots at Bart, of course he is behaving as condescending as possible. Thad is the kind of person who kicks someone who's already on the ground. This is just...So ugly to read. Hey Thad, you nearly passed out earlier this day, I don't see you shaming yourself for being weak. What's the difference? What's making you so special that you don't deserve to be shamed for it?

Hey Helen, you're just going to ignore Thad very obviously and viciously bullying the closest person you have to a son? You're not gonna repriment him for it so that he won't continue to destroy Bart's self esteem and his mental health? No? Great, it would be very confusing if you suddenly started being a responsible parent.

Thaddeus leaned against the doorway with crossed arms. "You're pathetic." He sneered.

Funny that you mention it, have you looked in the mirror lately?

Chapter: 2

Mike gestured to Bart's injuries. "You could say that you got hit in the face with a basketball or something." Bart slung the bag over his shoulder and pushed the bathroom door open. Maybe he could just go home? No, Thad was there, and he didn't want to listen to his evil twin berate him about getting bloodied in a fight.

Through his frequent put downs, Thad now made Bart afraid to show weakness. He knows that Thad will make fun of his vulnerability and won't be of any help to him.

Thad: "No moron, I'm playing with a tesseract puzzle." His voice was dripping with condescending sarcasm. "What else would I be doing?"

Another put down out of the blue. And a very sordid one, I might add.

Chapter: 3

A commotion in the backyard grabbed her attention and she saw Bart and Thad duking it out again. "Oh, for the love of...Wally, I'll call you back. The boys are really at it this time. I swear, Thad needs to get out of the house and get a life, and Bart needs to stop antagonizing him."

Hmm, that's odd. I could've sworn that Thad was the one who constantly ripped on Bart, was a dick to him and provoked Bart with "You've got ADHD so you're dumb" insults, and Bart was the one who remained friendly despite having to endure insult after insult without retailiating. Are you referring to the times Bart called Thad a jerk and said "Like you're any better"? Are those the oh so bad words Bart calls Thad that justify you saying "He's antagonizing him"? Because, and maybe that's just me, but calling someone who is neurodivergent a r*tard, moron, idiot, shortbus, brainless, annoying, destructive, a nuisance, hyperactive, embarrassing, dense, pathetic, saying that they have "Rudimentary communicative abilities", that they "probably got distracted with by something shiny" and implying over and over again that they're stupid and useless, that you see it as a disgrace to be related to them, that you'd like to beat them up, (and actually beating them up) and that they're inferior to you because of aspects of their personality they can't control is a bit worse than saying "Jerk" to defend yourself in response to being called those insults. And somehow we should believe that Bart is the one who is antagonizing Thad? What the fuck is wrong with you people? Thad is so obviously abusing Bart in this, I don't know how anyone couldn't see this. Screw Helen, she has no sense of fairness and justice when it comes to Bart's treatment. Do I have to explain the word favoritism? How come she lets Thad get away with was worse stuff? Why doesn't she chew him out for all the stuff he put Bart through? He was very clearly shaming him for having ADHD im Helen's presence, and she didn't do shit.

I'm 100% sure Thad started this conflict with some "You're inferior to me" comment and was also the one who got physical first.

Helen: "You don't even know?! Get in here and go to your rooms!" The boys let go of each other and sulked past Helen. "I swear you two, if you were girls, I would be blaming hormones for these outbursts."

Yeah, let's just casually ignore the fact that testosterones are the hormones that increase aggressive behavior and that boys produce about 16× more testosterone than girls, and that men are known to be quicker to express their anger through violence than women. (Cite: Men vs. Women: Hormones; a transgender perspective, Why do women and men respond differently to anger? PsychCentral) I guess I can add "sexist" to the list of things that make Helen an unlikable person. Also, glad to know that she now cares about breaking up a fight between them. Play fighting for fun in the yard? Absolutely not! What were you thinking? Why do you act like that? You should know better! Shady sparring fight in the streets? Sure Thad go ahead! Nothing wrong with beating up your brother to release your anger!

Chapter: 4

Thad answered with a smirk, "That you're a hyperactive brat who would just get more destructive when introduced to sizable amounts of caffeine."

Bart glowered and crossed his arms. "Shut up! I am not!" Thad lifted his chin in victory. "See? Hit the matk. I'm right."

Both Helen and Konner sit next to Bart and they say nothing in response.

Kon chuckled as Bart settled down at the table. "Man, I kinda missed that."

"Missed what?" Bart asked.

"You driving people nuts. Inertia's not Rob or Wondy but he flips out pretty fast." Thad snarled at Kon, "They don't have to live with him!"

Bart has been nothing but nice to Thad. Bart is the one who has to live with Thad's constant belittling. Thad has deluded himself into believing that he is the victim here, but he's really not. Bart is. Bart has been trying to help Thad, even though he was a total douchebag who constantly humiliated him. Bart has to live with Thad.

Chapter: 5

Kon: "Seriously, don't you have any other modes than "up yours" or "sideways"? You're going to die a lonely virgin life if you keep this up. Yeah, I get that your childhood was stolen by an evil madman and all, but you're preaching to the choir here. Dude, get over it. We did." Thad's glare darkened and he clenched his fist. Lunging forward with a punch, he stopped just short striking Kon. Shaking with fury, Thad backed away and left the kitchen. Bart sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter. "He's gonna need to spar today and I'm all beat up already."

"You don't have to be his punching back."

"I'm not a punching back. I hit back."

I agree with Kon up until the "just get over it" part. It's nice to see someone finally calling Thad out on his demanding and shitty attitude, but telling an abuse victim to "just get over it" isn't good advice, either. What Kon should have told him was that Thad should work on his behavior and that him having been abused doesn't make it okay for him to abuse others.

The dialoge after that between Kon and Bart is another attempt on the author's part of justifying this situation. The "I hit back" isn't very encouraging when you consider that Thad is a way better fighter than Bart. The "He needs to spar today and I'm all beat up already" makes it very clear that Bart would rather not participate in a duel, but does it anyway because he feels pressured to keep Thad's emotions in check. Without Bart sacrificing his own well being, Thad would've gotten himself into a lot of trouble by beating up random people in blind rage. And Bart knows this. Despite what this sentence is trying to make you belive, their fights aren't balanced. Thad can easily overpower and outsmart him in a duel. At the end of the day, Bart is still his punching back.

Chapter: 5

Seeking Thad out, Bart found him in the library, talking with a couple of upperclassmen girls. Bart pulled him aside, much to Thad's annoyance. "I'm gonna need some help. Eddie's-" "Not my problem," Thad interrupted. "I don't care what's going on." "Look, getting beat up was just the start of it. He's-" "Not. My. Problem." Thad turned away from Bart. "If he got himself into it, he can get himself out of it. This is a waste of my time." "I just want you to back me up."

This kind of sums up what kind of person Thad is. He takes and take but doesn't repay the favors. He's cold and has no compassion. It doesn't matter to him what Bart did for him, and that he vouched for him. And going by Thad's logic, Max and Bart shouldn't have offered Thad to stay with them because; If he got himself into this situation, he can get himself out of it! Not our problem, we don't care what's going on!

Thad knows that Bart is going to do something really dangerous and could get seriously injured or even die, and he still doesn't give a fuck. He hasn't learned to care for Bart one bit.

Bart grinned at him. "You came."

"Max wanted us to take care of each other," Thad remined. "Letting you get pounded into a smear is a violation of those orders."

This is Thad admitting that the only thing that made him help is Max. I'm 100% certain that Thad would've gladly stood by and watched Bart die if it wasn't for Max. Thad still hates Bart's guts for whatever reason, and he actively shows him that every chance he gets.

Chapter: 7

"Obviously, I got my intelligence from both of our grandfathers. Pity that means there wasn't any left for you."

Hey Thad? How about you shut up and not smack talk Bart every chance you get? It would make you less of a person that deserves to get hit multiple times in the teeth with a brick. This is, very obviously, another put down directed at Bart's ADHD that is disguised as a joke.

Jerking his head up, Bart nodded. "You would do that?" "What kind of evil twin do you think I am?" Thad huffed in mock offense. "I only beat you up and ridicule your intelligence, not withhold precious words of wisdom that can be thrown in Wally's face whenever he gets his tights in a wad about you not being the perfect little sidekick. He treated Bart to a wicked grin. Legacies are more than a name and a costume."

Oh don't worry Thad, you're not the evil clone, you're just the abusive, selfish, cold hearted, self entitled, manipulative, egotistical brother. Yes, you 'only' did those things. They are still reprehensible and loathsome. They will still mess up a person and are unforgivable. Turning your actions into a joke doesn't make them funny or acceptable. The fact that he admits to his wrongdoings but doesn't see them as reprehensible speaks volume about his personality. He talks about his crude actions with such satisfaction and confidence as if he were proud of them. After everything I read about Thad in this, it's very likely that he is.

And the reason why he does Bart a favor here? Again, just doing it for himself. He tells Bart these things not becaus he likes Bart, but becaus he dislikes Wally for that whole legacy thing and wants him to suffer. Thad is self projecting about his issues with his legacy.

[micvhisms]

how not to manage your shit.

↝   setting: the byeon-castillo apartment, haha. ↝   date/time: october 26, 2019. / 03:42 am pst ↝   triggers: non-graphic sickness, a drawn out breakdown that isn’t recognized as such. ↝   notes: read this after the para, if you really wanna laugh.

it’s 03:42, two hours after the kids have fallen asleep, micah is hunched over the toilet, dry heaving.

there’s nothing to throw up. he hasn’t eaten in a few days; never found the time between his classes, then going back to the dance studio for the first time in months, then the fallout, then taking care of the kids, which means ignoring everything else. he never ate, and maybe he can blame his headache on that. it explains away the pressure behind his eyes, and the way his stomach clenches uncomfortably. it makes sense when he thinks of it like that: he’s just hungry.

if he blames it all on the hunger, it feels less like he did this to himself.

the flush of the toilet is deafeningly loud in the silence of the apartment, and micah groans. he leans back against the wall, and pushes the heels of his palms into his eyes. his head is killing him. the pressure behind his eyes, that goddamn migraine, pushes moisture out of his eyes, and it’s panic, purely panic, that makes him breathe quicker. his breath skips, and he forces himself to calm down, the way he knows how, but it doesn’t work. the tears keep coming, and his chest heaves with a lack of air, and everything is still wrong, wrong, wrong.

micah just wants to feel okay again. this part was always naomi’s job. she could fall apart, rant and rave to no end, and it would force him to keep his shit in check. they balanced each other out, because her shit might’ve gotten annoying, but at least he was used to it.

but she’s not here, and really, this is all her fault.

stupid naomi and stupid hunger.

as if irrefutably absolved from guilt, micah pushes himself onto his feet. he washes his hands, and splashes water on his face. retreating into the kitchen, he pointedly doesn’t glance towards his bedroom, or naomi’s for that matter. he grabs a glass from the cabinet, fills it with water. it’s supposed to be one of those calming things that people do in the movies, where they drink a glass of water, and suddenly, breathing is just as easy as it’s always been. it’s supposed to make him feel better, but all he feels is that same heaviness on his chest. water sloshes around in the glass from the way his hands shake, and he has to slam the cup down so as to not drop it. the glass shatters from the force, and his hand reflexively grasps at it. “fuck!” shards dig into his palm, a long piece slicing the smooth skin straight across. blood pools in his hand, slipping down his wrist, dripping to the ground. it feels awfully symbolic, in some twisted, convoluted way, and it brings him back to that same helpless feeling from before. his hand claws at his chest, and he begs for the feeling to just go away.

he can’t breathe. fuck, he can’t breathe.

as if he’s atlas after someone dropped the entire world on him, and told him to keep everything in place. and in a way, that’s what happened, isn’t it? naomi walked out the door, and left the kids with him. with him. god, he’s not their parent, doesn’t she realize that? he’s not fit to be a parent. he’s so damn destructive. naomi knows that better than anyone. he crushes everything before it can make him happy, as if it’d be such a goddamn crime if something brought an actual smile to his face. and he’s a fucking alcoholic. she should know better than to ever leave her kids alone with someone who drinks the way that he does. and he doesn’t want to be this way, but he certainly isn’t changing either. he’s so goddamn angry all the time, and it’s worse when he drinks, and how could she ever leave those kids with someone like hyun-ki?

he’s bent over the sink before he even realizes it, expelling what little water he’d just managed to get down. it gnaws at his empty stomach, and more tears leak out of his eyes. but that’s the pain, just the pain.

he holds onto the counter tightly, smearing blood against the rough edge, and an awful sound escapes him. if he were anyone else, he could identify it as a sob, but he’s comfortable in his denial. he chokes out echoes of the sound in between ragged breaths, and he vaguely recognizes this as an anxiety attack of sorts. because he’s in pain, and there’s blood everywhere, and he just breaks, breaks, breaks, and where is naomi when he needs her?

right. right, naomi did this. she did it when she walked out. stupid, stupid naomi. she should know better than anyone that he pushes people away. she should know what they don’t: she should know to stay. but she didn’t. she fucking left, and she left her kids, how could she be so goddamn reckless?

a laugh bubbles in micah’s throat, and escapes unbidden. oh, god. oh, god. all of that shit they went through. all of those times they talked shit about her dad, and the few times he opened up about his own dad. all the moves they made just so that they wouldn’t follow in those footsteps, and here they are. he’s every bit his father, from the angry fleck in his eyes, to the alcohol running through his veins. micah tried so fucking hard not to be this, but he’s this, he’s exactly this, and that’s funny.

his laugh is the only sound to fill the apartment, and if he listens to that, he can kind of ignore the fact that he’s still crying, and those hiccups are growing more frequent. but he’s fine, he’s fine, he’s laughing because everything is fine and so damn funny. it goes to show that the nature vs. nurture shit is meaningless, because you’re bound to become your parents. no matter how far away you go, or how hard you work to change, you become what you fear.

and maybe, maybe, that’s why this sucks so fucking much. not because he was so attached to naomi (he was, he is, he knows he is, but––) but because she was the only thing that made him micah. her annoying need to always be there, to make him be a little more positive, make him socialize, keep him on his feet instead of in his bed, it all made him a person worth liking. a person worth being, at least. but if he finally pushed her away –– if he finally succeeded in pushing even the most intransigent person on earth away, then was he ever that person at all?

he laughs while he cries, because obviously fucking not.

maybe –– maybe naomi isn’t to blame here. maybe she shouldn’t have let him push her out, but he shouldn’t have become such a monster.

( how could she let him push her away? )

she was right to walk away. he wishes his mother had done that, so many years ago. back before his father picked up the bottle and never put it down. back before they gave birth to an amalgamation of all of their flaws. back before they stood at the altar and said i do. back before he knew her name and set his sights on ruining her. he wishes his mother had walked away, long before hyun-ki could ruin her, before micah could ruin naomi.

but history has such a nasty way of repeating itself. micah was always doomed to become hyun-ki, and he wonders why the hell he thought things would be any different.

it’s 04:15 in the morning, and micah is alone, and crying, and laughing, and somehow, this is fine. this is how he survives.

[weelittleweasley]

Not While I’m Around Pt 2 | Sweet Pea x Reader

Anonymous said: can i request a sweet pea imagine where you’re walking home late and the black hood attacks you. and when you’re at the hospital sweet pea and Toni (your bff) and some of the other serpents like Fangs come running in all concerned and protected? and maybe the reader is one of the core four’s twin sis?? and of course some bulldogs vs serpents drama?? Sorry lol I’m so descriptive

Okay, so I am making this a continuation (ish) of Not While I’m Around which you can read right here !! It’s not imperative you read it, but it does help understand some of the dialogue in this imagine. Thank you all for being so supportive lately. Seriously, I adore everyone of you.

Another late night at Pop’s. It’s become a regular thing now, you working the later shift. You found yourself once again cleaning the counter, listening to the radio ramble on and on about the Black Hood and how he hasn’t struck in a whole week. Everyone is thinking he is off the map, but it’s impossible. A killer just doesn’t stop killing just like a drug addict just doesn’t stop doing drugs.

Pop Tate emerges out of the kitchen and sees you cleaning the tabletops. “(Y/N)...” he speaks as you laugh. “What did I tell you about working so late! It’s a school night, honey!”

“Pop, I really don’t mind. You know that. It gives me something to do,” you lean against the table as he grabs the rag from your hand. “Let me finish cleaning this last table and I promise I am out of here, got it?”

He sighs in defeat, handing you the rag back. “I don’t condone this!” he says, walking back into the kitchen. You laugh at him and finish cleaning up the crumbs of your previous customer. The radio turns to static, signaling the radio station has closed off. Was it really that late that the all night station has signed off? 

Glancing at your watch, you see the time is 1:37 AM. Almost 2. Finally, you finish up your day’s work and return your apron to the back of the diner. You grab your bags and change of shoes, walking outside the diner to make your phone call to your boyfriend, Sweet Pea. Now, you call Sweet Pea after you finish your night shift because the last time he heard you were walking home alone, he didn’t want anything bad to happen to you. 

Your phone gives three dial tones, then cuts out. Looking down at the screen, you see its turning itself off yet again. “Are you kidding me?” you say to yourself. The battery died yet again. Hopefully Sweets would see that he had a missed call and come to get you anyway. Instead of waiting around for him to pick you up, you decided to start walking home and if he came to get you, he’d pick you up from wherever you were.

The last time you walked home alone, the eeriest of the Riverdale woods spooked you. Tonight, it felt even more so. It looked almost as if the trees were bending over, closing in on you. Your heart started to race, but you tried to calm yourself down. “It’s just your imagination, (Y/N).”

You made sure your steps were quicker as you continued to walk down the dirt path. The darkness was all consuming around you, you could barely see two feet in front of you. The owls hooted and other night time creatures scurried around. You felt as if their eyes were all on you, watching you. Watching for what was happening next.

There was something inside of you that was telling you something didn’t feel right. Something about this just didn’t sit well with you. As you thought to yourself, you heard footsteps and turned around quickly. Nothing.

Even if there was something you couldn’t see it due to the darkness surrounding you. Jesus, where was Sweet Pea? Continuing to follow the path home, you walked faster. If there was something, you wanted to get away from it. That same feeling of discomfort was prevalent in your chest as you started to hyperventilate.

Again the sound of footsteps was heard as you turned around quickly. Loudly, you screamed as a pair of green eyes met yours and then a sharp pain hit your head as you fell to the ground. Everything went black.

“Get out of the way!” a doctor yelled. “Get her into an immediate surgery right now. She was hit over the head with a brick and her brain is swelling,” the doctor informs another. Your body pushed on a gurney as nurses and doctors hovered over it, ready to prepare your body for surgery.

Sweet Pea ran into the hospital with Toni and Fangs not too far behind. His heart was beating a mile a minute and his mouth was dry. His face was stained with tears, a sight unfamiliar to his friends. “Where is she? My girlfriend, she just came in. Where did she go?” he grabs a doctor and yells at him.

“Son, you need to calm down. There was a girl who just went into surgery. She was hit across the head with a brick of some sorts,” the doctor says as Sweet Pea yells, “That’s her! I brought her in! She was bleeding on the side of the road! Let me see her!” Toni and Fangs pulled their friend away from the doctor as another group of people ran in.

“Where is my sister? Where did she go?” echoed throughout the halls. Archie Andrews. Your twin brother and best friend. He and his friends heard that (Y/N) was hurt from Toni who told Jughead. The same doctor who told Sweet Pea where she was told Archie the same information.

Soon enough, the Northside crew and the Serpents saw each other. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Archie pushes Sweet Pea, the two of them having tear stained faces. “I have to find out from Jughead that my sister was attacked by the Black Hood? You didn’t even have the decency to call me?”

Sweet Pea gets angry, “I was too busy fucking getting her to the hospital!” Archie pulls his hair and starts in again, “First, my father was attacked by the Hood. Now, my twin sister is attacked by the Hood. You can’t even protect her!”

“You son of a-” Sweet Pea charges at Archie, but Fangs and Toni hold him back as Jughead and Ronnie hold back Archie. “She tried to call me, but her phone died. It’s not my fault she trusts me to protect her than she trusts you. You’re always to busy screwing your girlfriend!”

Jughead steps in between the two of them. “Hey, hey! The two of you need to stop it! (Y/N) is in critical care right now because the two of you are constantly fighting over who is to protect her. During all that fighting, she gets hurt in the process. You need to set aside whatever differences you have and focus on her, got it?”

The Serpent and the Bulldog stare at each other before parting ways. Veronica holds Archie’s hands, “Look at me, she’s a strong girl. I know she can do this.” Archie nods, “I know she is. But all of this...It’s too much. I almost lost my dad. And I can lose (Y/N) too now?”

“You are not gonna lose, (Y/N). The doctors are working on her right now as we speak, okay? Come sit down and try to calm down. Jughead and I will get some coffee for us,” Betty says as they part their ways.

Sweet Pea sits down in the waiting room, shaking his leg frantically, pulling at the roots of his hair. “Archie’s right. This is all my fault. I should have known that she was working late tonight and I should have just waited for her outside. None of this would have happened,” Sweets tells his friends as tears fall down his face. He couldn’t bear to lose you.

Toni rubs his back, “Hey. (Y/N) is the strongest person I know. Stronger than half of the serpents. She is gonna be just fine. I promise.”

“But what if she isn’t?! I have the burden of knowing that she is dead because of my stupid mistake,” Pea says. “Sweets, you did nothing wrong. Don’t put blame on yourself where it doesn’t belong,” Fang tells him.

It was a long two hours of waiting. The two groups of friends would exchange nervous glances here and there, some exchanging times to nap. But Sweet Pea and Archie didn’t move from their seats, take any naps, or even blink. They sat in that waiting room, watching the door. Mr. Andrews came in to check on his baby girl and get her medical forms filled out. 

Finally, the surgeon emerged from the operating room. “(Y/N) Andrews family?” Both groups stood up as the doctor’s eyes widened at the amount of people. “She’s gonna be okay.” Everyone lets out a universal breath of relief as Mr. Andrews starts to cry in joy, Archie holding him tight. “She’s being transferred into room 107. She’s just waking up now, so I can only let one person in. After she’s awake and ready, pairs of two can go in,” he explains. “Would the father or mother like to see her?”

Fred raises his hand as the surgeon escorts him to see (Y/N). “She’s fine. I told you she’s strong,” Betty told Archie as Veronica rubbed his back, Toni doing the same to Sweet Pea. 

Sweet Pea walks over to Archie, Archie looking up at him, jaw clenched. “Listen,” he starts. “Jughead is right. If we want what is best for (Y/N), we’re gonna have to start setting out differences aside and get along. That’s what I want and I hope you feel the same way.”

Archie looks at him for a moment before extending his hand out to shake Sweet Pea’s. The Serpents and the core four wait for a while until Fred gets out of the hospital room. “Two more people can go,” Fred says. “I assume Arch and Sweet Pea.”

The boys look at each other before standing up and walking with each other to your hospital room. Opening up the door, Archie puts a hand on Sweet Pea’s shoulder as they walk into the room, bracing themselves for the sight of you. You lay in the bed, stitches extending across your forehead from surgery as you smile lightly at your brother and boyfriend. “Hey, guys,” you say, groggy. You try to sit up, but Archie stops you. “Just rest,” he smiles, taking your hand. Looking at Sweet Pea and Archie you sigh, “Guys, I know I should have waited for one of you to pick me up, but I thought if I got a head start, one of you we-”

“(Y/N), none of this is your fault, okay?” Sweet Pea rubs your leg. “Archie and I should have sorted something out and should have come to get you when we didn’t get your call earlier.”

You smile at them, knowing they were both not fond of each other. But they worked things out for you. “I love you two so much. You guys know that, right?” you tell them as they smile. “We do. We definitely do,” Archie squeezes your hand.

“None of this is gonna happen again,” Sweet Pea tells you. “Not while we’re around,” he looks at Archie nodding his head. “As for the Hood...he’s just declared war on all of Riverdale. And we won’t be afraid to fight back.”

[insidethegiftbasket]

Deivi Garcia

Let’s talk about a player that is, more or less, a literal child. He’s 21. He used to have blue hair. He has an adorable puppy. He is a pitching phenomenon waiting to happen. His name is pronounced exactly like it’s spelled. Today, Sam takes you Inside the Gift Basket on Deivi Garcia.

The Basics

Turns 22 this season, still eligible for ROTY. Still has 2 options remaining, is pre-arb and is under team control through 2027.

What did Deivi do this winter? Went back home to the Dominican Republic. Dyed his hair blue. Got a puppy.

Deivi in 2020

Personally feel like his stats don’t really tell the story of how good his 2020 season actually was. He ended up the season with a 4.98 ERA in 34.1 innings (86 ERA+, 4.15 FIP) which isn’t great. BUT, if you cut out two things from the season, it makes a big change:

Second career start in Baltimore — came out after 4.2 innings with runners on 1st and 2nd thanks to a walk and a base hit, and the Yankees (who’s bullpen had been taxed due to playing a bunch of double headers) went to Clarke Schmidt in his first career appearance out of the pen- Schmidt proceeds to struggle mightily (as you’d probably expect from a career SP coming out for his first MLB appearance with two guys on and two outs in an inning) and allows both baserunners to score. Really hard to blame Deivi (or Schmidt for that matter) for those runs.

The start in Boston was just flat out bad. 6 runs in three innings, woof.

If you take out those 8 runs (and three innings) then all of a sudden Deivi is looking a lot better — 31.1 innings pitched, 11 ER which is a 3.18 ERA which is significantly better (if he would have qualified, that would have put him 8th on the AL ERA leaderboard.)

Going into the season, Deivi was a highly rated prospect despite his diminutive size, but the worry was that he walked a lot of guys. The really good news for Deivi, is that between going to Yankee Summer Camp and the Alternate Site, they tried moving him to the other side of the rubber — he has a crossbody delivery so when he was releasing from the right side of the mound, he was pulling his pitches and missing the plate. Moving him to the first base side? He went from having a 4.50 BB/9 in AAA to allowing 6 walks in 6 starts this season. (mound picture via Viewsfrom314)

The good news is that the lower walk rate is something that you can’t just waive away as 2020 small sample size due to the obvious change in Deivi’s delivery and work. Now the question for Deivi is can he pitch a full season as a starter, and can he continue to get by as a smaller pitcher with low velocity?

Deivi had a four pitch mix in 2020, but it was really essentially a three pitch mix — he threw the change up nearly exclusively against lefties, and the slider exclusively against righties.

Between moving to the first base side of the mound, his disgusting curveball, and the fact that his changeup is relatively flat (drops 4.3 inches less than the average changeup, while his fastball actually has an elite drop of nearly 3 inches), Deivi actually had reverse splits in 2020:

You can see in this video the effectiveness of that change up when its low and away:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZcjqJv9dG0

You can also see maybe the single best thing Deivi has going for him, and that’s his elite tunneling on his pitches.

Everything comes out of the hand in the same location, he has a fastball and a changeup that move roughly the same amount at varying speeds and then the 12-6 Curve and a slider coming from the release point — this helps to give his pitches a bit of cover for the lack of elite velo or spin.

If you wanted to have something to nitpick Deivi about, its the fact that between his slider, his curve, and his changeup, he’s gonna sit low in the zone a lot, and low in the zone is where he got a lot of swings and misses (good!) and a lot of balls absolutely crushed (not so good!)

Things Deivi can improve upon in 2021:

The biggest thing Deivi needs to work on is just being able to last the full season — his career high in innings is 110 in 2019 and as a smaller guy he may get worn down quicker over the course of the season. The second biggest thing is improving his slider to give another look to right handed hitters — there’s a lot of non-competitive pitches there, and the few ones near the zone are mostly up higher than you’d like. Deivi’s slider has less horizontal break than most (only 5in of break, which is 31% less than the average slider) but it has more vertical break (an extra 2.6 inches of vertical drop vs the league average.) With Deivi’s elite tunneling, if he can keep those sliders dropping but staying closer to the strike zone, he should be able to induce some weak contact and grounders on people expecting either the fastball or the curveball.

2021 = Good News!

Deivi makes the rotation out of spring training and has a really solid year — puts up an ERA around 3.80 and continues to not walk people, and is someone Boone can rely on giving a solid 5 innings a turn through the rotation. Deivi ends up getting the ball in G3 of the ALDS and doesn’t get pulled after four batters this time because Boone realized he was an idiot in 2020.

2021 = Bad News!

Deivi struggles in spring training and starts the season in AAA, then eventually gets the call up to the bigs in May. Despite the elite tunneling and the changes to his delivery, Deivi begins to struggle more with his location on his off speed pitches and batters key in exclusively on his fastball and hammer it, he gives the Yankees 100 mediocre innings before getting worn out and ending the season in the bullpen, where he is able to contribute and gives Boone another option out of the pen down the stretch.

Sam’s Official Gift Basket Pick:

Deivi puts up a little over a 4 ERA and is a good #4 option for us this season. Gives the Yankees some nice starts over the summer, but by the end of the season starts to get tired and ends up being more of a 3-4 inning guy down the stretch and piggy backs with either Sevy or Schmidt in August and September. Ends up getting a couple postseason starts and the Yankees feel comfortable knowing that they have a really good option for the back of their rotation going forward.

Join us tomorrow when Evan takes us through the gift basket version of Dante’s Inferno that is Gary Sanchez’s 2020 season.

[kimberlycook95]

10 Ways To Save Your Marriage Astonishing Cool Tips

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[asagimeta]

Double-Face's search for a "perfect host body" feels very much like the DDS experiments in s5. I wonder if maybe we're gonna get some kinda tragic ending for a character, since he's seeking a supernatural host with "something more" than the usual shift (like Scott's True Alpha power, or Theo's chimera, or the Hale full shift) and he (and host) end up locked away on the Other Side.

You know Anon, it’s funny you should say that, because the meta pack has talked alot about sacrifices, specifically regarding two charectors: Scott and Peter, and your theory makes a hell of alot of sense…

Now, before we continue, it’s important to note that Scott and Peter aren’t the ONLY ones who need, thematically, to make a sacrifice, but they are the primary two, we’ll talk about the others later

First things first- the sacrifice you’re talking about is perfect because it’s a *TRUE* sacrifice, as in: There’s no “coming back” from it, this isn’t a situation where a person dies and comes back to life, or loses their powers and regains them, this also isn’t a situation where they get something out of the sacrifice that isn’t purely selfless (IE: If Jackson sacrificed his kanima powers and gained a full shift because of it, that sacrifice was not purely selfless, he never wanted his kanima powers anyway AND he got a reward) but this? There’s no reward for this, there’s no step up on the ladder, and there’s no “Oh I didn’t need that anyway” moment, it’s just sacrifice for the greater good, plain and simple

Now onto Scott and Peter and why they could both be perfect choices for this

Firstly, they both physically fit the bill, you said it yourself Anon, Anuk-Ite is looking for something *MORE*, not only harkening back to the Dread Doctors in season five, but also to THEO*, remember, Theo didn’t just want ANY pack- he wanted a DARK pack, he wanted SCOTT’S pack, because everyone in Scott’s pack was something *more*, he didn’t just have some betas and a couple of humans, he had the makings of something unique, to quote:

“I came for the werecoyote- the one who’s first instinct is to kill, I came for the banshee- the girl surrounded by death, I came for the dark kitsune, the beta with anger issues, I came for Void Stiles, that’s the pack I want”

Theo wanted a unique pack, a DARK pack, and we know that he’s not just talking about the species involved, werecoyotes don’t seem to be killers by nature, this is something Theo says but remember that Malia’s instincts are only as intense as they are because she lived in the wild during her formative years, we saw another werecoyote tonight- Edgar- who didn’t seem very violent, we can’t assume all werecoyotes are this way and even if we could, most packs don’t have any, coyotes- as stated by the beastiary- don’t like werewolves, and they CERTAINLY don’t like Alphas, so you’re hard-pressed to find one in a pack, banshees are also considerably rare if Jennifer and Arya’s reactions to Lydia are anything to go by, these are women who are DEEPLY involved in the supernatural and have been for most of their lives but they treat Lydia like a rare find, Theo then specifies he wants the DARK kitsune, not just any kitsune, and the beta “with anger issues”, not just any beta, but one who’s specially geared for violence, and, ofcourse, finally, VOID Stiles, not Stiles the human, VOID Stiles (seriously how does even know what that is??????? The thing possessing Stiles was called a nogitsune, Void Stiles was a term only used in private, so..??) Already we see that Scott’s pack has something *more* than most just in general, but back to my point

Scott is a True Alpha, a top of the line rare breed in the werewolf community, one that even most born wolves have only heard about in legend, and Peter is an odd case, he was a demon Alpha- wich in it’s self is not necessarily common- who died and was brought back to life via a convoluted banshee ritual, he also was taken by the Wild Hunt and escaped, he clearly has SOMETHING going on even if there isn’t a clever catch-all term for it, you also mentioned yourself that Theo is a chimera- a successfull one- but there’s something else special about Theo: He’s literally been to hell and back

*Theo is our third candidate, but we’ll talk about him later

SO why do Scott and Peter need to make sacrifices?

For Scott, it’s completing the hero’s journey, for Peter, it’s redemption

Scott has been stuck in stasis for a wile now because there are certain parts of his story that he refuses to allow to move forward, certain challenges he refuses to take and certain trials he refuses to face, and the more he refuses, the bigger his “debt” builds, think about it this way:

You have to get from Point A to Point B and along the way you have to eat a certain amount of candy, every few miles a peice is presented to you, now wile you CAN turn down the peice initially, you WILL have to eat it eventually before getting to Point B, if you keep denying peices along the way, then instead of eating one peice every five miles- wich is reasonable enough- you’ll get to the end with thirty peices waiting on you and you can’t advance until you eat all of them

Scott is facing something of the same problem, wile he does eat SOME of his peices when they’re initially presented, he’s saving alot of them for later, and those peices are building and building and building… and the bigger the pile of uneaten candy gets, the bigger his stomachache is going to get when he has to swallow down all of it at once

You can see even in recent episodes that there are still things that harkin back to Season One Scott, and NOT in the charming nostalgic way, let me give you a prime example-

In Magic Bullet when Derek tries to show Scott what hunters will do by telling him what happened to his family, what the Argents did, Scott replies with “Well then- they had a reason”, to put this at it’s most blatant: Scott is telling an innocent person that there MUST have been a reason his ENTIRE FAMILY deserved to be burned alive, for .. what? Being werewolves? Scott didn’t know the Hales, as evidenced by the fact that Stiles had to fill him in on everything regarding their family, what did he know about them besides the fact that they were werewolves and related to Derek? Pretty much nothing, so why else would he say something so crass? I get that he wanted to defend the Argents, but this kind of exceeds “defending the Argents” and goes straight into “Blaming the Hales”, Scott could have offered several different explanations- “Maybe it was an accident”, “Maybe they told someone else”, “Even if it was ONE Argent that doesn’t mean it’s ALL Argents”, but to imply Derek’s family MUST have done something to deserve being burned alive? Really? Now in “Pressure Test”, you have Scott ACTIVELY TRYING to throw two kids to the hunters- KNOWING they’ll be murdered- just because their eyes are blue, he seems determined not to see them as innocent people anymore the moment their eyes turn, even before they confessed to killing hunters (wich they didn’t actually do, by the way, they said they chased them down and tormented them) Mind you, Scott knows for a fact that not all blue-eyed wolves are vicious murderers, Derek and Malia both have blue eyes, and although his relationship with Derek is rocky at best, he’s downright DATING Malia now, either he believes his girlfreind is evil or he knows that eye color doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a cold-blooded murderer, but he’s ready to believe these kids *DESERVE* to be killed without even knowing WHY they have blue eyes… just like he was ready to believe the Hales deserved to be burned alive just for being werewolves

This is one small example of Scott circling the drain, but it nods to the much larger problem that he still has a type of internalized specism*, he’s always very quick to side with humans over werewolves even when the werewolves have done nothing wrong and the humans have (IE: Pressure Test) and is quicker to believe in evil supernatural people vs evil human people, he believes werewolfism needs to be suppressed, not controlled (there’s a difference, and the way Scott trained and taught Liam vs the way Derek trained and taught his betas is a good show of that difference, not that I think Derek’s teachings were all that grand, in fact, they were pretty cringey in their own rights, but the endgoals were VASTLY different, Derek wanted his betas to be able to defend themselves and work WITH their new power to do it, Scott wanted Liam to work AGAINST his power via control to the point of suppression and never taught him anything about self-defense, only control) Scott’s hero-journey has always been about finding harmony with himself as a werewolf and he still refuses to do that, he picks and chooses what parts he wants to take of being a hero and what parts he wants to take of being an Alpha, being a werewolf, being *other*, etc etc, and has refused to accept that these things are all fulltime and lifelong things, until he accepts all of that he’ll keep going in circles, collecting candy to stockpile until he reaches the end of his journey, and when he does reach that end, the sacrifice he’ll have to make (the candy he’s collected along the way) will be enormous…

Now let’s talk about Peter, who needs redemption, throughout the series Peter has toed the line between straight up villain and antihero, and before people start screaming, you have to look at how the charectors themselves treat him, particuarly in seasons three, four, and six, wile seasons one and two presented Peter as a Big Bad- end of story- you start seeing as of season three that the charectors are adjusting to him and reluctantly acceping his presence, when planning to break into the bank vault he’s sitting right there in the open and no one is trying to hurt him or even expressing anger at him, in fact, the only aggression he gets is a mild nip from Stiles and Stiles nips at everybody, he’s just an aggressive person that way, but there they are in 3A actively working with him, wich happens as well during Visionary with Cora and Stiles and again when Lydia and Allison seek his help, during none of these occassions did anyone act like they needed to kill Peter, just give him a swat on the head for being an irritation, that’s antihero interaction, not villain interaction, in season four Peter is back to plotting against Scott but before that he’s part of the deadpool and his interactions with Derek, again, show hero -> antihero interaction, not hero -> villain, even the sheriff lets Peter go along his merry way after killing The Mute, Derek takes pleasure in burning Peter but, again, that’s classic hero -> antihero banter, then in season six you have Peter actively helping the kids and you have more hero/anti-hero; Peter wants to use an innocent person as a guinia pig against Stiles’ wishes but ultimately it’s to HELP Stiles and himself, not just because he wants to see the kid die, later on we see the reluctance of Melissa helping Peter but she DOES help him- even if it’s just to use him- and wile Malia constantly gripes about having anything to do with Peter, she does seem sincere when she wakes him up and seemed sincerely concerned about him here and there, plus the very fact that Scott didn’t reach into his back pocket and dial Eichen to come pick him up when it was all over was probably telling to a degree

To be clear, I don’t like Peter, and I don’t forgive him for anything he’s done, but it doesn’t change the fact that there’s a very clear line between villain and anti-hero and Peter has been riding it like a mechanical bull since day one

But back on topic

Peter is still straddling that line both with fans and in the narrative as much of his anti-hero behavior has been fairly selfish/self-gratifying (he works with Stiles at the train station because he wants to get out of there, he’s hesitant to directly help Stiles just out of the goodness of his heart but the fact that he DOES is what has him sitting on the line of an anti-hero) and what few selfless things he DOES do (helping Stiles in 6A) are pretty small peas compared to the bad things he’s done (he gave the kids Roscoe’s keys but in the same breath encouraged them all to leave, regardless of what happened to Stiles after, this is a relatively tiny act of kindness and when you stack it against murdering his neice- just to compare to ONE- it really doesn’t hold up well as “Redemption”) The only way for Peter to get off the line between villain and anti-hero is to make a sacrifice worthy enough of pardoning some of his crimes, something selfless, something that shows that he DOES have compassion and a human soul and, preferrably, that he regrets the mistakes he made in the past, Crowly from Supernatural is the perfect example of what we’re talking about here, he straddles the villain/anti-hero line HARD series-long because even as of season 12 he was still plotting behind the Winchesters’ backs for his own selfish reasons, but then, you know, he killed himself to save them, wich was a big sacrifice that pretty much atoned for his behavior that season (throughout the series he’s had other moments of redeeming himself for crap he’s done but I’ll leave it others as to if he was really fully redeemed or not)

Scott and Peter both HAVE to make a big sacrifice for their narratives to work and to come full-circle, it’s just a matter of what that sacrifice is, the most common theories have been Peter’s death and Scott giving up his Alpha powers- or even his werewolf powers entirely**, but this could be a good way to avert either, though, if you want my honest opinion, I’d find it much more likely to be Peter’s sacrifice than Scott’s, I don’t think Teen Wolf will have a bleak ending (especially with the cast all being very excited and positive about it) and if Scott did, in fact, end that way, it would be an INCREDIBLY bleak way to end the show, Peter, however, isn’t, you know, the main charector, or even a hero, this would be a bittersweet moment and a great nod of redemption for him, it would give the show realistic depth and angst without going over the top and making the ending bleak and depressing

Now because I’ve talked so much about Theo- here’s the thing

This entire season is being played as Theo’s redemption arc, showing him living out of his car a few episodes ago was Teen Wolf’s way of punching you as hard in the feels as fast as they could to make you more primed to wanting to redeem him, it’s looking like they’re trying to turn Theo into more of a reluctant hero than a true anti-hero though, so in my opinion, his redemption moment will probably be alot smaller and not involve his own death, probably a really bad injuery that he sustains wile protecting Liam or saving Scott, maybe explaining his backstory or even apologizing to Scott would work, Theo is the world’s biggest dick but in comparison to Peter he hasn’t really done anything *THAT* bad, he’s tortured alot of people but only actually murdered one, who just popped back to life anyway, and in the realm of Teen Wolf that all seems like the sorta thing that can be washed away with a good chest wound and a sincere apology….. unfortunately…. but, I could always be wrong, this could be an interesting fit for Theo, my only problem is that it would be too close to what already happened to him- he was sent to hell, being locked in another dimension for eternity is too similar to that and would feel like a bland rehash instead of narrative genius

You mentioned Derek, but he’s pretty safe in my book, he completed his hero’s journey already and atoned for the wrongs he’s done, he EVOLVED, wich is the most textual nod to completing the journey I’ve ever heard of, he found peace within himself and has already made the big sacrifice he needed to acheive harmony and hero status by dieing in season four- and he came out of it evolved, not only did he spring back to life, but he brought a fancy new gift with him too, but this is where Derek and Scott are really different, Derek has spent the entire series eating his peices of candy as they come to him, if he made a mistake/took a step back, it was a small one and he paid for it pretty much right away, he didn’t keep looping around the same points and never learning from them, so when it came time for his big sacrifice, it wasn’t actually all that big, he didn’t have too much candy built up from other learning points in the series so he was able to swallow it without a problem, and he came out of it stronger- he DID make the sacrifice with death, he WAS prepared to die, and he had been slowly losing his powers and becoming human during season four, he had been preparing to die all along and making peace with it, even more of a reason for his evolution to have been well-deserved

I think our candidates, if this does in fact happen, are really just Scott and Peter, with my bets being placed 99% on Peter

*On the topic of internalized specism, Teen Wolf’s strongest allegory is that of sexuality, wich is probably why Jeff did the “There’s no homophobia in this universe” thing***, you see queer people who have internalized homophobia quite often, just like women can have internalized misogyny and POC can have internalized racism, belonging to an Other doesn’t exclude you from Othering, but I would say that internalized homophobia is probably one of the more common examples, I was just saying in the meta chat earlier that the confrontation in the bathroom between Edgar and Spider Dude reminded me of the stories I’ve always heard about and seen with homophobic and closeted queer people following someone they were just attacking into a bathroom/closet/motel room/whatever and essentially pulling the “I’m not gay, I just want to have sex” card, that’s an example of internalized homophobia- an extreme one, mind you, there are much more common smaller cases such as following standards of heteronormativity in queer relationships- Scott often displays internalized specism this way- on the less extreme end, again- he can say “I’m a werewolf and I accept that”, and he can kiss other werewolves and feel kinda ok about it, and he can preach that werewolves are just like everyone else, but at the end of the day if a human goes “Ow that werewolf hurt me” Scott is going to turn around and punish the werewolf without any proof because they’re a werewolf, do you see what I’m saying? (I hope you do, that was long winded)

**On the topic of losing his werewolf powers entirely, this goes back to the allegory, some people have thrown around the idea of Scott’s ultimate sacrifice being a full loss of his werewolf powers because he’s always wanted to be normal, he’s always complained so much about them and tried to ignore them and tried to pretend he was a normal human, he’s always seen them as a curse (except when they’re helping him with lacrosse) so it’d be, in some ways, a bittersweet poetry if he had to give up those powers to save everyone and became the only human in the group, being othered all over again but in a much different way (this, ofcourse, partly would depend on magic!Stiles being a thing because otherwise the impact wouldn’t be there because they’d BOTH be outsiders again just like season one and nothing woudl have changed) The problem I have with this is that it really tears apart the allegory, a gay kid can’t just release his gayness into the ether and then go about his life as a straight person, if Scott did the werewolf equivolant it would destroy the message

***On the topic of homophobia not existing in the world of Teen Wolf, we see no homophobia, true, but bisexuality is treated rather weirdly, the idea of being attracted to more than one gender seems to take people by surprise (Stiles and Liam specifically) and this is especially noticeable when Caitlyn and Stiles have their scene at the rave, Stiles seems surprised and confused by the idea of Caitlyn liking both girls and boys and doesn’t quite roll along with it as easily as he always does when someone mentions being gay, I still think we’re going to get a scene about bisxeuality between Jackson and Stiles with Stiles acting in surprise that Jackson is bi and Jackson rolling his eyes about it, bisexuality seems to just be extremely uncommon in the Teen Wolf world, there are allegories for that too but… it’s five A.M. and this has gone on long enough ;)

[joiedevivremx]

Monthly Thoughts 2016

December 2016

Short Term Thinking

In business and people consulting I´ve seen the root to most mistakes are made by short term thinking, expecting, wanting.

Not that a right answer/solution can´t be fast, just that the selections made are mostly outweighed by the quick results instead of the long-lasting ones.

People don´t see the immediate value of something that will have a higher and bigger result if the time is not convenient.

It gets people stuck in a way of short-term thinking, they get less and need another short-term solution because it gets harder and harder to sustain and wait for a valuable one. A vicious circle.

A short term thinking process will only succeed with extreme luck, while long-term thinking is a reward for patience and hard work.  

November 2016

The War of The Worlds

History Repeats Itself

Will We Never Learn

Fake News

These are all subjects/ headlines I thought of.

It is very sad for me to see how we as a species don´t learn and grow from our past but completely think of it as obsolete and fall in the same errors.

It´s like groundhogs day - a bit monotonous and obvious.

It´s not a medium error, it´s a human one.

A clear example is a problem with "Fake News", it´s always been around. With radio we had "The War Of The Worlds" with magazines, well if you have one from 10, 15, 20 years ago and compare it to one today most of the content is pretty much the same: get the guy, lose weight, the future is coming, how to get money... nothing new.

Now there is digital, where the main difference is not that we don't remember how important the fact check is, but to be honest, we don't even read the full article, just the headline, think we are all that and pass it around.

Blocking it won't help- mainly because when the new medium comes abroad it will happen once again. Maybe in the short term, it will help people not to get so confused with their information source.

We are a society that likes to answer quickly and not thoughtfully, we like to reward meaningless but busy looking work over thought out well planned out and production-oriented work.

We are covering the pool instead of letting the kid learn to swim so to say.

I say let everything be out and open and Darwin's law of evolution sort us out.

October 2016

Paying The Price

The ones that cannot fight will be the ones that pay the highest price of all. - literally

Let´s say an armed thief wants to rob you, the reasonable approach would be to give him what he wants. - Understood

Let´s say an (unarmed) thief wants to do the same thing, maybe you can think about it, you still have a chance to run. - Depends

What if you know the thief's name, address and all the info there is to know about him/her? - You could turn them in.

Now, in a work scenario for some reason, the thief can make you feel even grateful that he is stealing from you.

Let´s take the USA with it´s famous immigrate situation. The workers are "Happy" they have a job, probably better conditions that they have in their native lands, yet, not the ones they should have in this new land.

They will take this cut as a fee of gratitude, knowing that they wouldn´t be able to fight it anyway.

With all these cuts, the company can lower its costs, after all, what they spent is not as much as their competition. The competition, who are investing by the book has a tad more expensive items.

Us, people the consumers the bargain finders, we don´t care, we would like to save 10-50, even more, dollars per purchase.

We are all to blame, and the vicious circle continues...

either the competition starts contracting people with a lower than legal salary.

or we get an honest company out of business by not buying from them.

Or the same company hires more and more people unfairly.

Or many other scenarios, none of which help the situation, quite the contrary, they make it worse.

When you need the money, it is hard to stand up for your rights, yet, if it were another scenario, we wouldn't let the robber off so easy would we, being thankful that they just stole 80% of what we had and left us with 20%.

Point being, we have got to start standing up for ourselves, not for us - cause we might not see the benefits in our lives, but for our children, and grandkids, and pretty much the world we are leaving when we go.

September 2016

Crazy Cat Lady

The times I think the best is, running, in the shower or in the car- all of which are without the hassle of writing materials - So when I get home I try to gather the things I thought up and discovered.

So, with this said, here goes trying to explain what I found so easy to communicate this morning.

There is a lady who takes care of the cats in the park, every morning she leaves home with a bag of cat food and water and leaves it for all the cats.

She also helps out and picks up the trash people have left behind while she does this.

Some people might consider her a crazy cat lady- but it's actually a really deplorable name if anything she´s the most sensible one there.

She should just be called the nice lady that takes care of the cats.

It got me thinking about how we think that simple actions are "Karma Points" when in reality its the least we can do as human beings.

No, donating clothes, food or helping animals shouldn't be considered as "extra credit" they should be the norm, the medium.

Listening to some of Malcolm Gladwell's podcast, he talked about a term: Moral Licensing - pretty much if you do good, you think you can balance things out by doing something wrong. What this lady got me thinking is what we as humans consider something good, something to be expected and something bad.

Maybe if there were some way to communicate that being charitable is expected as a species and not a nice to have; people might also start considering what is actual bad action, stealing would go down the pole and be careless would be added and just not helping would be bad.

This means when people actually do something good, even if this Moral Licensing continues, their bad actions would just be doing nothing at all, not actually all the way to harm someone, something else.

Summed up, let´s make good actions so common that they are not considered a crazy event, but a humane one.

August 2016

Trust

It´s been years that I´ve been working for companies, some trying to better their processes others focused on following their old processes.

There are companies that have made their own processes and named them that way, and then there are the ones you rent: ZOHO, Basecamp, cut your day to day, hour to hour to count and check your productivity.

Most of them make your job 70% of what you do, and 30% how to fill processes. (or more).

The thing is that at least where I have been, they help out to get people out of their main job, with excuses such as it wasn´t on the "program", I didn´t get the update.

These tools do help, but what is more important than these tools, trust.

No matter how many processes you have, if your people aren´t responsible, and you don´t trust them these tools are useless because people will find a way to use them to their convenience.

What can really help your companies productivity:

1) give your team 80% of things to do, not 100% or much less more, why, because they need time to think, relax, and reflect on what they are doing.

2) trust, create a team you trust but don´t forget they need to feel trusted and need to trust you too.

3) yes have these tools, but as a secondary back up tool, just to make sure everything is being documented.

4) have clear processes and formats pre-given talked about and done.

5) be realistic, these tools are thought out to the best-case scenario, clients, brands, and situations aren´t time-controlled, they don´t always have all the information, - have a plan and or plans when something isn´t able to work out.

July 2016

Fast Living

There is a crash when we compare the time it takes to make something, while technology has made it easier to get everything quicker, let us say fast food, we forget what this entails.

Using that example we can think of the food, it must be pre-prepared. Think of the home deliveries, the drivers must act like the traffic and weather conditions are of no impact and put their lives (and others) in danger to deliver.

We have faster and faster cars, that can't go fast because of the overpopulation, traffic, and poorly planned streets, these same cars that get passed by bikers and even walkers.

We have digital 24/7 service yet not the group of people necessary to answer. We have vigilant cameras but not enough people to check them out.

Technology has by far passed our speed, but the sad part is that we are not conscious of this.

We are when we complain about all the things we must do, and when we are on vacation how easy it is to find us so we never rest- but we are not empathic to not order delivery in bad weather, or when we get completely confused when our petition was not IMMEDIATELY taken care of.

How can we fix this?

-Don´t call/mail/ message work stuff out of work hours.

-Remember that there is a person behind the technology

-Don´t answer while driving

-Don´t call when you know someone is driving

Mostly, let people have the break they deserve and the time to check out what needs checking.

June 2016

Trash VS Litter

Trash: discarded matter; refuse.

Litter: trash, such as paper, cans, and bottles, that is left lying in an open or public place.

In some cultures (I don´t remember which ones) the word trash doesn´t exist, why? Because they can´t imagine something not being useful.

It can be reused for other materials or as compost for plants or whatever but never discarded. That is something we should all be aiming for.

A friend of mine went to live in Japan, and over there went to a Latin / Mexican festival, he said the saddest thing was that the thing that made him know that Mexicans went was the amount of trash left behind- the littering.

I went on vacation and the guy of the place where we were staying said that you can tell when there were vacations in Mexico cause everything ended up with more litter.

It´s something in our culture that shows how we don´t feel like anything we do is ours, or our responsibility.

We blame the government, but when we travel there are no more excuses than to admit that the change must begin with us.

How can you start, pick up the trash that isn't even yours? Start setting the pace, and lead with an example.

May 2016

Solutions

The act of solving something.

To make sure it is solved, it must be solved in a way that it doesn´t create a secondary problem.

Many people think they can fix a problem with another problem, which is actually vengeance, and not at all a solution.

All these pictures of humiliating teens, kids, pets (abide those last ones are very cute) of something wrong that was done, it isn´t solving a problem it is creating a new one.

All these acts of shooting someone that cheats on you is something I can't conceive, just divorce / break up with them. Don´t make it worse.

Much less someone that thinks to kill is less of a sin than "being gay" - The Bible explicitly said don´t kill and somewhat vaguely states being gay in the Sodom and Gomorrah.

The same way not helping someone out cause they could be working doesn´t really solve the issue.

How can we as humans really fix these problems, they don´t lie in our government (although some governments do make it easier than others). They depend on us, and what our kids see, and what we encourage our friends.

And if life isn´t fair to us, that doesn´t make it alright for us to be unfair to others.

April 2016

Minimalist

That doesn’t mean there’s anything inherently wrong with owning material possessions. Today’s problem seems to be the meaning we assign to our stuff: we tend to give too much meaning to our things, often forsaking our health, our relationships, our passions, our personal growth, and our desire to contribute beyond ourselves. -got that from another blog, but found it highly accurate.

In the age of on-demand solutions, things are evermore coming a day in the past.

As a teen my dream was to have all the cd´s and tapes in the world- I´d save up to get these things and now I have Spotify and the ones I could get are in a box for sale in my home, now useless (even the autographed ones).

Now "My daughter" has Legos of Harry Potter and the Simpsons, way too cool, fun to do, we almost never play with them, and when we do some legos get lost and come undone. Now I´m thinking, all of them could have been a vacation somewhere, and now my tiny place is running out of space. (but still cool as ever to look at).

I´d collect magazines and pretty much a souvenir of all the products I´d do in my old jobs (I finally gave all that away) just collecting dust under my bed.

Minimalist isn´t just a trend, it´s a new way of living, things are not the symbolic jewels they used to be.

Every day, space and nature are becoming ever more a luxury we all aim to have.

March 2016

110%

Said to be when one is giving their best effort. A mathematical as well as a human impossibility.

Having the concept that one has to drain their whole being into an activity is completely and utterly not thought out.

If anything an optimal working number should maybe top 80%.

Why, first off because people need time to process things, they need time to think, plan.

Secondly, because we live in a society that includes emergencies, changes and things that go not the way we planned, this extra 20% lets us have time to fix that.

The very fun and famous “you had one job” is growingly not true, as everyone is been given more than their bite to chew. Not only that, the fact that it is not fairly paid means someone else is demanding their 110% as well. https://www.ted.com/talks/seth_godin_this_is_broken_1

We have drained (therefore trained) people doing half jobs, where we should be striving to have happy, smart, rested and alert people doing one job right.

Particularly in Mexico, where social and political grounds have a higher rank than experience and knowledge.

So when your team is not delivering instead of pressuring them to give it more, you as the leader should recognize that what they might need, to be more productive is actually less.

It is good for business as well as good for people.

Therefore a way things must change to make this society greater and not another form of slavery.

February 2016

Space Nature / Person

I´ve been happily excited to see that more and more people in the city are trying to make the city less contaminated, more friendly, and well, breathable.

It is hard to live in a city and to think of another way of living, yet, it is getting easier and easier to realize that cities have a limit, you can see that in the traffic or in watching the birds that sometimes fail to fly.

According to the WHO (World health organization), there should be at least 9square meters of a “green area” per person. (we are not even mentioning where to live, or apartment or stacked situations).

In Mexico there are 121,736,809 people, of course, this is a growing number. The limits are 1,964,375Kms this means that in theory up to 218,263,888 people could be residing here.

In Mexico City, there are 1,485KM which allows up to 165,000 people to live rightfully, but that number, in fact, is of 8,851,000,000 that is 5,364,242% more than there should be.

So while people are seeking to live a more sustainable life, roof gardens, less transit, more park areas, space itself cannot permit this growth.

In theory, there shouldn't even be skyscrapers in Mexico. So garden skyscrapers should be out of the question - although there is skyscrapers in Mexico so for those they should be highly sustainable. The exact limit is debatable and therefore easily ignored.

Yet knowing that the city was built on a lake and in Santa Fe, a garbage dump, the traffic as well as the parking problem and observing the airplanes pass by one shouldn't need a document to state that this should, in fact, be a concerning matter.

Some of these buildings are breathtaking and indeed very “smart” and sustainable buildings, so much so that international companies have their offices in them.

Yet the fact remains, most of these solutions are to fix a problem in an unfixable situation. Instead of reaching out and growing other cities and places and forming them to liveable cities knowing what we know now of the developments needed.

Instead of just making Mexico City greener, a true city lover should take what they love of this city and start sharing it with the rest of the country, making this a more balanced environment.

*http://archinect.com/tacos/santa-f-mexico-city-a-glittering-dump-of-beautiful-buildings

*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Texcoco

*http://www.maspormas.com/2016/06/29/nuestras-areas-verdes/

*http://www.worldometers.info/world-population/mexico-population/

*http://www.internetworldstats.com/central.htm#mx

JANUARY 2016

Growth Hacking

and other new flashy terms that describe things that already were being done.

I was reading a recognized magazine lately, (yes a fiscal one) and an article popped up at me, it talked about how ads were not necessary and the importance of growth hacking. It went on explaining the methodology and how this business grows 400% by each quarter.

Now, as I kept reading, I realized I´m a great Growth Hacker and not only that, but I´ve been doing it for ages, even before the term was coined. Of course, I´d call it Digital Marketing.

How brands, agencies, and people have to coin new phrases to get their point across baffles me, everyone wants to start something new, instead of building on what already is.

In publicity, it is quite common to use the whole “steal like an artist” way of thinking but day in and day out this get´s more and more ridicules. I mean even people I´m fond of and follow their knowledge is pretty much just things that have already been used, tested and thought up before.

Malcolm Gladwell, a great storyteller who helps us understand how psychology applies to market, but that´s what I´ve seen, he´s a great storyteller of other peoples ideas from way back when.

The point of this newsletter: don´t be impressed with shiny new words and things that seem new, really look into the methods and results before deciding.

[nascargirl0616]

Victory Lane vs DNF

After a race, there are two types of interviews. One that is done at victory lane and one that is being done while a torn up race car is being loaded into a hauler. As you can imagine, the emotions and reactions in these two instances are very different. One is a joyous celebration that is full of praise and happiness while the other is done solemnly, with an abundance of questions swirling through everyone’s mind. Many people are quick to give recognition to God in the happy times, the times where you have gotten exactly what you want--those victory lane moments. But do we still praise Him when we are trying to piece together a car that we spent countless hours and money to build only to be wrecked and utterly destroyed? Can and is God is victory lane and in the DNF line?

 Recently, my family received a miracle. Without going too much into it, a family member was in the hospital for 28 days in CVICU and ICU. We now know the survival rate of such an episode that occurred in his life only gave a 6% survival rate. We were there through the ups and downs. And let me tell you, it was a heck of a rollercoaster ride, not unlike that of a 600 race. The outlook wasn’t good, but we never lost faith, trusted in the Lord, and stayed together. I’ll be the first to admit that it wasn’t easy. And it would’ve been even easier still to not include the Lord in our journey--as if we could leave Him out. We had a grim week and things weren’t looking good in the books, but we had hope. One of the songs on K-Love that got me through some of those tough times is a new single called “I Have This Hope” by Tenth Avenue North. The lyrics say, “I have this hope in the depth of my soul. In the flood or the fire, you’re with me and you won’t let go. So, whatever happens I will not be afraid, cause you are closer than this breathe that I take.” Believe me when I say that my own personal anthem. Music is what does it for me. Some people need other things, but the lyrics to songs really do it for me. About a week later, we got the news back from a couple tests and that is when the true miracle began to unfold. There was seemingly nothing wrong! How could this be? A man who was for all intents and purposes gone for over 5 minutes and nothing is wrong! This was only the start of the miracle, however. Not much longer after this joyous news, more things started happening. He was waking up, he was responding to commands, he was responding to us. This led to a quick stay in progressive and an even quicker stay in rehab, where our minds, and the minds of those nurses and doctors we got to see a couple weeks later, were truly blown. I have no doubt that this was the Lord working. Nothing else can explain that. This was our victory lane moment. It’s easy to praise now, right?

 But what about when it isn’t? About six years ago, my mom was diagnosed with a rare, one in a million in fact, type of sarcoma cancer that started in her stomach and ended up spreading. She was diagnosed in April after a large mass was found in a random ER visit. This led to a surgery, a series of tests, and chemotherapy. Throughout the whole ordeal, God kept us strong. I still to this day don’t know how we ever got through it. It was certainly a God moment. Unfortunately, my mother passed away in August of that same year. I refuse to call it losing the battle, because friends she certainly has won. So what now? We had the faith, we had the prayers, we had everything that the aforementioned family member had, so why weren’t we gifted with such a miracle? Welcome to the wrecked car going into the hauler.

 Just as present as God is in our triumphs, he is so in our trials. It’s easy to say God is great when things are going your way, but it isn’t so easy when it isn’t. What we have to realize is God was the same yesterday, today, and  forever. Let’s be honest, I wouldn’t have made it through that ordeal on my own. There’s just no way. Through it all, I’m still able to say and believe that God is good. I’m not going to pretend that I understand everything that happens and agree with it, but at the end of the day God is good. He is good in our victories and he is good in our last place finishes. I’ve done my fair share of questioning, probably more than I would like to admit, but I now know that it’s okay. God isn’t going to get mad at you for questioning Him, in fact He probably expects it. The difference is, we don’t know what is going on and He always does and we have to trust Him through that. I often go back to a story that my favorite band usually speaks about at their concerts. Mark Hall of Casting Crowns speaks of his song “Already There” something like this. Mark used to go to parades in places like New York City and would be able to sit on top of some of the office buildings there because his father worked in one of those buildings. He always talks about being able to see the whole thing, from beginning to end, before it even came to where he was. He had such a great view of what happened, what was happening, and what was to come. This is the exact same way God sees our lives. It is like a parade that He is watching from on top of a building. Planning out everything ever so perfectly for us. It might not make sense at the time, but in time it will. I have first hand experience of something not making sense in the moment, but now looking back makes a beautiful story. Maybe I’ll write about that one day.

 Mercy Me has a song called “Even If” and it goes like this, “They say sometimes you win some sometimes you lose some and right now, right now I'm losing bad. I've stood on this stage night after night reminding the broken it'll be alright. But right now, oh right now I just can't. It's easy to sing when there's nothing to bring me down. But what will I say when I'm held to the flame like I am right now?” I don’t want to spoil it for you, so if you haven’t heard any of these songs that I’ve mentioned do yourself a favor and look them up.

 God is with you always. God is there for you in good times and even more so in bad times when you need Him even more. God is our hope and shelter. Don’t get caught up in the bad and the blame and do your best to remember the comforter, healer, and his Holy name. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, because trust me it hasn’t been easy for me. God never promised easy. But He did promise that everything is done in good works for us and that we would be blessed in turn of our trust and faith. You may not understand it now, but one day you will.

 God is good in victory lane and God is good in last place. God is good all the time.