#maybe i should watch it with my gf. what do we think gamers

[every-sanji]

[the-travelling-witch]

okay i want to spill the tea on this guy i met with recently because i couldn’t tell my friends bc they don’t play genshin (relevant for later) but since you guys follow me, you’re my besties by default so here’s the sitch

also, if you identify as a man, i’m sorry to say this but some of you just aren’t the brightest candle in the summoning circle and that’s okay as always, not everyone is the same

so, i was hanging out with this guy i’ve known for a few years now, he used to have a crush on me, it never went anywhere but we kept in contact; let’s say he likes me at least enough as friends to invite me over to hang out but he also tried the “arm around the back of the couch” thingy while we were watching a movie so idk if that means anything, i’m horrible at picking up on signs

anyway, he likes video games so i was like “oh, i can tell him i play genshin, maybe he plays too” or at least, we have a common interest (video games); idk what i expected, maybe either he plays too or he doesn’t play but hey! we share an interest, are there perhaps any games we both play or sth that he or i might enjoy, whatever really

so tell me why, this guy goes “genshin impact? only girls and pervs/p*dos play that, right? you should play league though” excuse you what—

out of all the things to say, that’s what you went with??

somehow al-haitham came up as well, it was the release date of his official art and stuff i think, and he literally went “oh, so it really is just some anime guy” oh okay another topic i will literally never mention around you

maybe i’m reading too much into this but if your friend who you may or may not be interested in tells you about something they enjoy, how is the best option ridiculing them for it? or at least talking disrespectfully/ condescendingly about it? listen, i took interest in your colourful pixels shooting each other, at least try to understand my colourful pixels shooting monsters?

they want a gamer! gf until a girl says she likes that game, then it’s either criticising/ belittling them or “name every minuscule detail about this ever or you’re a fake”; how can you fumble the bag this badly?

anyway, i learned that day even if he was the most attractive man on this godforsaken planet, i probably wouldn’t date him genshin+ anime >>> boys

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary223

4/25-26/2024

thursday - friday

going in for closing tomorrow.

and i am staying up too late now. i should sleep soon, but today i went out, it was nice and fun, i almost read something in front of people but did not, maybe i should have but i was nervous about the people there, but the reading was nice, better than the ones we usually get to see. it's interesting what people who aren't in school for writing get up to.

i would have read that random thing i spat out a few days ago, the 'assemblage' which i still need to throw more into. i didn't really do any creative work today, i just relaxed outside of work, which wasn't so bad, terribly dull and a waste of time and life, but not exhausting especially. tomorrow might be, cuz i am closinnng.

doesn't matter though, soon this really will be all over.

i do need to get the cds i was wanting to get off discogs too, and then a birthday gift for my gf... i have something in mind.

beyond alll thissss, idk. tomorrow i might try to record. need to sleep soon to get to that at a reasonable time since i need to leave at 1 pm. and then fix my sleep again.

bluh.

thinking more about doing a reading of my own writing is exciting, it's nice that there's a place to do it and that i've got friends involved in that. one person who i really enjoy seeing/hanging out with/talking to.

i also read more agua viva, it is very specific, it reaches at such an internal point of me, and i think the act of living broadly, it is hard to transmit what it does, it can hardly transmit itself, it is a stumbling thing, the speaker says often, i want inconsistency, the inconclusive, the ability to not answer, the ability to dissolve, the cavernous, the flow of becoming. i too want this, to be near this flow. and to be near it, a source of pain, as much as the wanting is the pain too.

it is hard to write about but the more time i spend with it, perhaps the easier it will become, all books, the clots of writing and thought themselves, not authors, but the words, both in sound and play and in meaning or meaninglessness, these represent other ways of thinking and seeing i think, i believe that really, each one you open into something else, to contend with, another place to be, and in drinking in that, the delicacy and the voluptuousness of each, you do not leave it behind upon finishing but it is a new fold in a fabric along your interior, more studded grows the life we lead, textured and sparkling, attention goes to stranger places.

this is part of, i think, what the book reaches at. this painter character makes efforts to escape painting, nothing in plot especially, it is simply spoken, to enter into words, shirking off the act of painting. into, i am not sure, speaking, words, not an explicit poetry but one which is implied not by form but by gesture maybe.

anyhow, i do need to be sleeping, but one maybe embarrassing thing i was thinking about today, recently a favorite yt channel of mine uploaded an 11 hour playthru of illbleed, it was one of the first things he did on his channel, and something about the game but also his presence makes me very happy, it's somewhere a part of me that makes me feel consistent with myself, those images, that voice. another one, watching the infinite review and hearing owen/mechagamezilla. weird and pathetic becuz most yt stuff is so so so disposable and that's almost the point of what these people i like do, discard for the sake of it. there is just something there, they have i guess been parts of my life for like, a long time, mechagamezilla especially. i like that he now does videos about stuff that is not games, i always want gamers(tm) to get out of that, just broadly, it feels like part of why videogames seem stuck in lots of ways, as an art or whatever you want to call it. it's almost by design though, they so often take so much time, as hobbies. especially with the development of effectively infinite games, seasonal multiplayer, gambling simulation, infinitely randomizable games, a lot of roguelikes. it is weird.

anyway, i need to sleep actually, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bisexual-maelstrom12]

Ranking the Lovelink Matches (a completely subjective list by moi)

22. Clementine Hill / Grace Kim

I already wasn’t into her because she’s a privileged rich girl who uses literary quotes to seem smart (but really it’s just obnoxious). But then she tells us she’s thinking about dumping us for her creepy old professor?? Girl needs an actual job so she can stop relying on her parents and a therapist for her daddy issues. 

21. Dominic Wright / Adam Johnson

I’m still pretty early on in the storyline here but so far I’m just bored. A “love” photography theme? Big yawn.

20. Liam Park / Min-Jae Lee

How Is Dating A K-Pop Star This BORING

19. Jake Gonzales / Zayn Kassab

The sexting is fun but honestly his film project sounds terrible and he needs to cool his feelings down like 200%. 

18. Angel Reed / Emmalyn Roberts

Look she’s amazing and gorgeous and the animals are ADORABLE but honestly I find her pretty boring compared to the other matches SORRY DON’T HATE ME

17. Antoine Dawson / Noah Cruz

He comes on too strong a lot but I dig the puppies and the sexual tension. I would absolutely enter a FWB relationship with him but nothing more. 

16. Albert Bishop / Jonathan Hayes

This ranking is subject to change bc tbh I swiped left on these boys at first (#fuckamericanimperialism). But then other matches finished up and I needed more content and y’know what? Albert’s pretty okay. I like his backstory so far and he’s sweet and sexy. Should def get out of the military tho. 

15. Stefan Silver / Oliver Black

I appreciate that he’s a more consent-friendly version of Christian Gray and I like the “defrosting ice king” trope. But I would much rather be using the riding crop on him than vice versa. >:)

14. Jamie Grant / Seth Evans

Jamie is kind of a weird match in that I LOVE his storyline but also the flirting is pretty weak?? Like, I literally would have had to pay gems for the first “date”. I’m not feeling much of a sexual connection here, but I’m all aboard the hacker kidnapping storyline. 

13. Austin Russo / Damien Jones

He’s rough around the edges but the character growth is pretty spectacular. Gotta save my boo from death row. 

12. Sam Knight / Michael Evans

Never thought I’d be into a jock frat boy but here we are. I like how I snarked at him constantly for a week and he still fell for me. Ghosting us after we call him out on his daddy issues is pretty weak tho. 

11. Samantha Clark / Aesha Nora

Okay she isn’t the greatest person or partner but cute gamer gf?? Yes please. And she can cook and bench press me too! *swoon* Also Fiction needs to be real asap. 

10. Sage Foster / Vitoria Voznesenky

Sage was one of my first matches and was my favorite for a while. Who doesn’t want a hot goth gf? But then she PUNCTURED MY LIP (does that even heal??) and almost ate me and I’m just not about that. Hopefully she can go give Baba Yaga a talking to and get that curse removed.

9. Skylar Quinn / Jaden Bower

So making us commit a crime and then ditching us on the first date wasn’t cool, and I’m not much for a “rebel without a cause,” but then Skylar hit me with his tragic backstory and, well, I’m weak y’all. Also he’s so smart and snarky and sexy and I want him to achieve his dreams.

8. Eve Rockwood / Alice Martin

Look I’m still pissed at Eve for ditching us in Ibiza. But also I would absolutely drop everything to follow a hot girl to Japan. 

7. William Crome / Julien Alexandre

I was never really into the whole dating a vampire thing but William just does it for me. I think it’s the hair and the old timey fashion. And he told off his mom for me, which is more than I can say about SOME of these matches.

6. Hugo Hornsby / Marco Bottazzi

Hugo is lowkey a garbage human who absolutely emotionally cheated on his long-term fiance with us. So why do I love him so much?? Idk, could be my trash taste in men, could be my love of geeks, could be the delicious drama of his plotline. Hugo pls come back from ur convo with ur fiance and d*ck us down already. 

5. Kayla Summers / Jasmin Medina

Kayla/Jasmin is objectively the most badass match in Lovelink. She’s hot, ambitious, and didn’t ghost me for a dumb reason. She can kill it in heels AND kill actual killers! Get you a girl who can do both!

4. Raphael Becker / Wyatt Moore

The creepy cult plot is fascinating and Raph is the perfect combination of sweet/romantic and hott. That dream date was amazing. Pls Lovelink, when will my husband* come back from the war**?

* musician boyfriend

** creepy cult village

3. Ryan Byrne

Ryan is lowkey my perfect guy--sweet, nerdy, and SO SEXY OMG. I need his sex scene so bad pls. Also he might have caused the zombie apocalypse and that’s very interesting of him. I’m hooked on his story and I want his **** hooked in my *****. 

2. Milena Sarafian / Ana Samarine (also maybe the same route as Ruby Thomas and Julia Greene?? Idk I’m pretty confused by this whole situation)

Apparently my ideal type is an adorable yet sexy computer who discovers love and how to be human through interacting with me. I should probably go watch that Her movie.

1. Cpt. Muffin

CAT. SHY BOY. <3.

[cinnbar-bun]

bro twisted wonderland 😳 welcome to the band wagon broski can i get some hcs about boomer malleus, baby epel and pomeranian riddle with such a gamer s/o they play minecraft together, build a house, get a dog, raid a village and maybe become minecraft gf and bf 👉👈 ? have a good day!!

Well actually, I’ve been following it for a while but I was like “LET ME WAIT UNTIL AN ENGLISH RELEASE COMES OUT” because I wanted to experience it like it’s the first time but then I caved and watched playthroughs on YouTube. Lmao guess who my fave is~

Malleus:

Probably has never played Minecraft cuz like...he didn’t really know it existed??? He’s got a Tamagotchi so I’d assume he’s into quieter, relaxing game modes versus more hardcore video games

It takes him a bit of time to adjust to the controls, but he’s a good listener. Explain it to him a few times and it’ll start to click eventually.

He’s not the greatest at designing or crafting, but he’s so proud when he shows you a small house that can barely fit in a bed. It’s so amazing to him. Of course, when he sees your home he’s in awe like “please teach me how to create that”

Despite his ranking as a mage, I don’t think he’d be too into the fighting aspect of Minecraft. If you put it on peaceful with like 0 monsters, that’d be nice to him so he can just travel with you and start a farm. But if you put monsters, he’d prolly try avoid them. He has no coordination when he’s forced to do something so he’d probably fumble and die.

When he finds out you can get a dog he’s like :0!!!!! Collect all the dogs!! And horses!!! And cats!!! And the B I R DS! The birds make him insanely happy, especially when you put a jukebox and they start dancing, he’ll start bopping his head along with them. It’s adorable.

Probably is the one to suggest putting your Minecraft beds together. Not because he gets the significance or understands the meme, he just says it’d look more pleasing and save room if you smooshed the beds together. If you DO explain the meme, he just nods solemnly and says it’s nice that there are traditions like this in a game.

Epel:

Heard of it but never got to play it. Maybe even watched others play it.

You’re like “okay we can start off easy-“ but he takes the controller and jacks it up to the hardest mode.

It starts off innocent enough, you two are making a house and stuff. Mining a bit. Nothing too crazy or wild and he’s pretty good at it

That is until a few nights in when he has an arsenal of weapons at his disposal. Literally commits a slaughter while you’re screaming for him to be careful. His eyes are dead set on the screen and he’s killing monsters like no one’s business.

“I think you’ve collected enough. The sun is almost up and your weapons are almost gone.” “Oh really? That was fun!”

Collects dogs to work as killing machines. Tames a horse to ride and kill more monsters. Grows a garden to feed. Mines to collect and craft armor.

“I’m glad you’re having fun-“ “I’m having lots of fun, (Y/n).”

He knows the minecraft bed memes. But he’s so damn busy trying to get ready to fight the Ender Dragon you have to ask him. He stops and is like... yes perhaps... maybe I can... put my bed next to yours...

He relaxes and makes you a garden the next day

Riddle:

You probably have to tell him about it before you play. He is annoyed that there’s not a lot of rules to play by, but he does try and research the most effective ways to play. You have to encourage him to play freely

It takes him a bit because he’s so dead set on playing like the guidelines that you have to tell him to take it easy and explore

He’s a bit nervous about playing by himself without rules so he’s a bit slow. Eventually he goes wild and recreates a palace and garden. It’s very huge and you’re shocked at how grand it is.

He claims it’s incredibly easy and he’s very into talking about the construction process. Let him talk he’s having a great time okay

Cater makes a joke about “putting the beds together” and Riddle asks you later what it means. You explain it and jokingly ask if he’d like to put your beds together, and you look at him and he’s red.

“P-perhaps. We should uphold the spirit of Minecraft Beds and put them together.”

A creeper blows up part of his garden and he is screaming and cussing it out. Screams so loud he loses his voice. Poor boy.

[asotin]

what're your thoughts on castlevania (the netflix show, not the game, ive never played the game) what do you like, what don't you like? make it as long as you want. i don't care if i have to scroll for 5 minutes. go feral (personally trevor is extremely hot and i would like to date sypha. i'm not really into alucard's whole sickly victorian child aesthetic, yknow?)

oh god this is way too long, but you did say to make it as long as i want, and i have a lot of thoughts that i need to inflict on the world

i played two castlevania games, both from the nintendo gameboy era, so please don’t get mad at me, gamers

details below the cut, but since i’ll be talking about season three, i need to preface this with content warnings for mentions of: graphic violence, rape and sexual violence, racism, and the holocaust

before i get into it, i usually don’t go for alucard-type characters either, but knowing that he was redesigned to be bishounen sexy specifically because the boring, middle aged man look he originally had in the games wasn’t appealing makes me enjoy him. and he’s fun with trevor and sypha

do like:

the voice acting

it’s all good. i can’t think of any characters whose voices were awkward or fit poorly. they don't make sypha’s va use the standard flat affect or false high voice women tend to be assigned, trevor sounds suitably worn out but not monotone, and alucard sounds exhausted but in a sexy way

and the spanish dub is killer, arguably superior

the animation & design

it isn’t full-on artsy, but it’s definitely got a distinctive style that’s easy to look at. the color use and effects are gorgeous. it’s a story set in the medieval era, and the mixture of desaturated and oversaturated elements works so well with that

dracula’s castle and the belmont bunker aren't revolutionary in design, but they didn't need to be. they're suitably creepy and empty, and i enjoyed them

the monsters were unique enough to have obvious different types, and the scene where a monster commits blasphemy in a church by accusing a priest of committing blasphemy was good writing

lisa

she shows up to a stranger’s spooky home and scolds him for being rude. she really looked an ancient vampire in the face, told him he had no manners, then had a kid with him. what a phenomenal woman. 11/10, no notes

“start with me, and i’ll start with you.” you know what? i’d fall in love, too

dracula

this ancient, unfriendly vampire let a human woman walk into his home and tell him he’s got no manners. and that made him fall in love with her. just like that. lisa walked in and handed him his ass, and dracula thought “oh i love her”. and when she was killed (more on this in the bad section), he raised literal hell to destroy the world for doing it

speaking of lisa being killed, it fucks me up that it happened because she convinced him to leave the castle and experience the world. he left her alone to see what she loved so much, only to come back and find that the people he’d come to like- the people lisa had loved so much it drove her to help in a way that got her killed- had burned her at the stake. i love a good tragedy, and that’s good tragedy

the way he weeps when he has to fight alucard?? during a showdown in their home?? the “i must already be dead” moment in alucard’s childhood bedroom??? when he speaks to lisa about killing their boy, her greatest gift to him??? poetic cinema.

the trio’s dynamic

three bisexuals with two total brain cells and only alucard bothers using them. incredible

i went so hard for this ot3. it's right there and so good

sypha

she initially seems to be assigned the role of the adult™️ ie she's the only woman and gets stuck being responsible, but surprise! she’s just as annoying and dumb as alucard and trevor. she dropped a castle she didn’t understand on the ground and didn’t think too hard about it. then she argued about breaking it. i love her

if we don’t get an ot3, then she needs to have a dumb gf

alucard

he's got a stupidly low neckline and lower pants. they really leaned into ayami kojima’s redesign, as they should have. his little curl annoys me, though. why the fuck does he have a random section of hair that’s like three inches long when the rest is shoulder length or longer? love that he really looks like lisa

if you say he's canonically bisexual and polyamorous, no he isn't. yes he is. no he isn't :)

trevor

disgusting. a nasty man whose appearance mirrors his state of mind. he's 50 mental illnesses in a dirty jacket and his coping mechanism is… alcohol? maybe? he’s a mess, and i dig it

him trying his trick of kneeing alucard in the balls during their fight? and finding out it doesn't work? (which…… why doesn't it……?) juvenile but suitable

hector

his love of animals makes him my favorite. normally, i won’t touch anything with this much animal death, but i’m willing to set that aside because hector loves them so much. he’s so sweet and kind, and he loves his monster pets

yes he sided with dracula and has some really fucked up ideas about what constitutes humane treatment of people, and yet i love him. 11/10, but i have a lot of notes

isaac

i support him, including his murdering and his decision to support dracula. dracula throwing him out of the castle to save him was so cruel in that it was an attempt at kindness from a man who hated the whole world, but it was against isaac’s wishes

his time with the captain was great

idk enough about islam to know if he's portrayed correctly and haven’t seen any complaints, but given the show’s track record……… i wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not great

the forging

very cool. fresh and interesting! hector creating pet friends is cute and heartbreaking. love isaac for his dedication to reducing, reusing, and recycling

season 2’s big battle with all those vampires

the new version of “bloody tears” is phenomenal

this goes back to the animation, but listen……. it's so good. i loved the smoke vampire, and alucard’s fluid wolf transformations. his flying sword looked really good, and incorporating them together? super good to watch. and trevor’s whip?

the type and level of violence are suitable for what it is. it would be weird for a gritty show like this to be bloodless, but i don't think it would work if it were bloody to the extent of a slasher. it's also more clean violence, if that makes sense. you don’t linger just to look at gore; you see it because stabbing someone spills blood. the games weren't about extended, gritty scenes of realistic murder, so the show sticking with quick, slice and dice type fights fit with what i remembered of them

please watch this fight if you don’t remember it or haven’t seen it (part 1, part 2)

trevor’s whips

trevor’s weapons don’t follow the physics of normal whips, and they shouldn't. they’re heavily stylized and clearly a fantasy weapon, but they still have rules that they (mostly) have to obey. his morning star-whip hybrid in particular is so good 

it’s easy to follow, too. a lot of times, speedy weapons disappear, which is an understandable effect but one i find boring because there’s nothing for me to do. i’m just sitting on my ass with nothing to do

trevor’s whips don’t disappear. they’re fast, but you can always see them. and they have weight! you can see them slow down and gain speed. i don’t need physics to be real; i want movement to be pleasing, and that’s exactly what i get with the whips

don’t like:

fridging lisa

she could have been kidnapped (possibly make dracula think she was dead bc people want to lure out her scary demon husband, idk), then s2 could have ended with her and dracula reuniting as he died. she and alucard go on a trip together to attempt to make amends for the pain dracula wrought in lisa’s name. orrrr she dies a tragic death with him and we’re left to hope that they find each other in the afterlife. do vampires get to go to the afterlife? can alucard reintegrate? can he be happy with his new friends? or will he go back to his crypt and sleep again? will he ever be rediscovered? if so, what will he do? deep questions. i would prefer to cogitate on these instead of experiencing the shitshow that is s3

season 3

they should have ended it with dracula’s death. the quality of storytelling goes down immediately. just plummets. i’m sure there were problems in the first two seasons, but this one is so bad, i genuinely can’t remember

but i may as well get specific, so here we go:

abandoning alucard

trevor and sypha leave their friend alone in his childhood home where he just killed his father. where they helped him kill his father who, as i’ve said too many times, raised literal hell to get revenge for people burning alucard’s mother to death

yt they don’t talk about alucard. they don’t make any plans to touch base ever again. trevor’s entire family got killed. sypha’s culture, from which she’s now estranged, is family-centric. if ever two people should give a shit about alucard and know why alucard shouldn’t be left on his own, it's them

so what the hell is going on?

trevor and sypha’s relationship

look. it could be good. it would be better with alucard but they could be together and it could work fine

but this……….

trevor hates what they're doing. he hates traveling around and fighting. he's clearly tired and deeply depressed

sypha not only doesn't care enough to address it (did they forget the first two seasons?? sypha is annoying partly because she doesn't stop poking people) she might not even notice? yes, she's having fun, but trevor is basically dead on his feet in front of her

racism

hector, sumi, and taka all got done dirty 

sumi and taka

i hate the way they died. i hate that i’m certain that the plot won’t bring japan back into the narrative (or if it does, i don’t trust it not to be shitty). i hate the fact that by killing them off, i’m not going to get any more of them. they were interesting!!

speaking of the japanese vampire: the biphobia, arguably, given what happens with alucard

the addition of sexual violence

i don’t need or want lenore. if all she’d done was manipulate hector, i could have lived with that. she’s a villain, so she does bad things. that’s the point. but what she did was a massive escalation. we hadn’t had any sexual violence, and then the last few episodes gave us 

tumblr feminists who love her for how she treated hector need to be quarantined until their brain worms have been cured

everything that happens to hector

what was this shit? why did i open my netflix app and tap castlevania and find them making this man walk around naked in the cold to torture him? and starving him? he got manipulated, degraded, chained up, collared like an animal, and raped. and why? to show us how bad lenore is? that the other vampires are bad because they let her do it? i didn’t sign up for this

the holocaust reference

the imagery at the end of s3 when it’s revealed that the judge has been killing people he’s decided are undeserving to live and collecting their shoes in that barn was chillingly close to images of shoes taken from victims of the holocaust. there's no reason to invoke the holocaust here. it’s unnecessary and in bad taste

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #312

“robert’s got a quick hand  /  he’ll look around the room, he won’t tell you his plan.”

Do you kiss your pets? Yes. Have you thought about whether or not you're gay? I actually have briefly questioned if I'm just purely lesbian due to how incredibly averse to simply seeing penises I am, but considering I'm still perfectly capable of being attracted to everything else, I'm obviously not. It's just this weird disgust I naturally have. Have you ever had gay thoughts for your best friend? Well I dated her, so like- Have you ever had an STD? No. Would you say you are addicted to texting or to the person you are texting? Nah, definitely not. I always enjoy texting Sara, but I'm not addicted to doing so. Would you date someone who still lived with their parents? Yes; I still live with my mom, so it'd be very hypocritical not to. Would you have to sleep with someone before marrying them? Nah. Sexual "talent" just doesn't matter very much to me, and besides, before or after marriage, you discover what you like together. Would it bother you if your bf/gf flirted with someone else? ???????????? yes????????????? Would you enjoy a night of playing video games? Oh hell yeah. I honestly really miss doing that with Jason. We were both gamers and would do that frequently. How much does intelligence turn you on? Not like, immensely, but being very smart is definitely attractive. Do you search someone on the Internet before a first date? That shit's kinda creepy, imo. Then again, it could be smart for your safety, but idk, something about doing that seems invasive and just weird. I feel like you should learn things directly from their mouth. Could you date someone who had children from a previous relationship? I really don't think I could at this age, at least. I need to be more stable and a figure to look up to. I could probably be a stepmom to like, a teenager or something, but I'm not dating anyone with one of those at only 25. I would have to really, REALLY like the person to even consider dating them with a younger kid. Would you consider donating your body to science after you die? Yeah, go for it. Do you like to be friends with someone before dating them? Yes, definitely. I think waiting too long can make this hard and an awkward change, though; this was the exact situation with Girt. I had a pretty big crush on him my freshman year before Jason, but we were just friends too long. He became my "brother." Is it more fun to go out just with your date or on a group date? Both are fun. Do you enjoy risk? N O P E. How often do you go dancing/clubbing? Never. Not my jam. Do you meditate? No, but I'm considering trying it thanks to group therapy. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. Do you have a problem with racist jokes? Um, fuck yes I do. Is there anything you think science will never be able to explain? Yeah, like the soul. Do you cook fancy meals for dates? Lol no, I can't cook. Do you litter? No. Don't even fucking dare to in front of me. Do you have a career plan? Yes. Could you live with someone who was really messy? How messy? And would they listen if I asked them to clean up? Do you have any shameful fantasies? Yes. Is art important to you? Art is absoluely vital for my happiness in life. Do you believe in fate or destiny? Nope; you carve your own path. Have you ever called your friend a slut? Ha, jokingly. It's gone both ways. Doing nothing all day makes you feel...? That's me pretty much every day, and it makes me feel awful by the end of it. Do you shower everyday? No. It's bad for your skin and hair. Is work important to you? It clearly is when you consider how stressed I've been for years trying to find a job I can handle. Have you had cosmetic surgery? No, but I probably will have some things done if/hopefully when I lose the weight I want to. Do you only date people who have jobs or are full-time students? My past has proven that not always, no. What I really care about is whether or not they show the intention of getting somewhere, like working on themselves and having plans they're making baby steps towards. If the person is without any motivation to get somewhere in life, no, I can't date them. Could you date someone who does drugs? Absofuckinglutely not. Do you enjoy watching sports? Only dance. Are you a cat or a dog person? Cat, I think, but I love both. Should evolution be taught in schools? Yes, definitely. Separation of church and state, my friend. Are you kinky? I mean I can't say I'm unwilling to try some things that would be considered so, but my sexual experiences so far have been pretty vanilla, and I'm fine with that. Would you do a striptease for your partner? That'd be so fucking awkward lmao. Would you date someone who doesn't have a car? Yeah; again, I don't. It may be problematic if they never wanted to, especially with me being so afraid of driving, but idk. Do you enjoy dancing? If I wasn't so horribly out of shape. Do you think men should pay for everything on dates? Lol, wow. What year are we in again? Have you ever met someone in person you met online? Only Sara so far, but I do wanna meet a few others! Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No. Do you ever read your old surveys? No. They're really just a momentary distraction for me. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? Ginga Densetsu Weed was fantastic. I'm now anxiously awaiting Meerkat Manor to come on air again this year!! :') When writing stories, do you have trouble coming up with character names or do they come to you easily? I struggle with coming up with completely original names; I used to be good at it back in the day, now I feel like almost anything I come up with sounds stupid. Real words coming up for OCs that somehow fit them come easy for me, though. Did you ever call any teachers by their first name? Who? Yes, because some preferred it. Have you ever shoplifted, even just once? What did you take? Nope. Have you ever witnessed someone else shoplifting? Did you say something? I don't recall. Is your hair thick, thin, or somewhere in between? it's thick as hell. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh yes, I loved letting the harmless ones wander over my arms as a kid. Is there a YouTube channel whose videos you always watch? No. What a shocker when you think of Mark, I know, but I've kinda been drifting from enjoying let's plays, especially of random games I don't know or think will be good, so I don't force myself. Have you ever witnessed something burn down? Yes. Diagonal to my childhood house, down the road, there was a huge house fire once. Only the foundation of it is left today. Well, maybe they've rebuilt it, but they sure didn't for a long-ass time. Have you ever won a game of chess? Don't know how to play, so. Have you ever picked strawberries or apples? Strawberries, yes. Are you any good at Ping-Pong? No better than the average joe. Have you ever had to put an animal to sleep? Three dogs, and my rat Tezzeret. Where on your body did you/would you like to get your first tattoo? I got mine on my right wrist. What’re some movies you love that people wouldn’t expect you to like? The Notebook surprises a lot of people. I adore that movie. Does your shower have a glass screen or a curtain? It's a curtain. What was the last pill you swallowed? I don't remember; I take a lot of meds in the morning. Where’s your dad from? Ohio. Other than yourself, who was the last person that took a picture of you? Whoever took the picture of my sister Misty and me hugging. What are you usually doing if you're up late at night? On the rare occasion I'm up late, I'm probably really into doing something in World of Warcraft at the time. I go through spells. Right now I'm barely playing it at all. What do you get when you go to the movies? Popcorn and a drink, always. Do/did you enjoy living with your parents? Yeah. If you were to write a story right now, what would it be about? I'm not interested in starting a new story. The continuous stories in RP are enough for me. If you were to paint something right now, what would it be? I'm unsure. I have a lot of art ideas I want to do, but idk what I'd do first, and besides, I prefer drawing over painting. Do you believe you have a calling? I don't believe in "callings." I believe in natural talents, but I don't feel there's some supernatural or purposeful tactic to it. If you could sing a song before an audience today, what one would it be? Oh god. If I had a choice, I wouldn't. If I didn't, I'd have to think more about this. Do you enjoy public speaking? Fuck no. What pet do you want to have? The pet I want most right now is a plains/western hognose, probably of the lavender morph. I adore those lil piggies. Who do you want to be in your life that is currently not? I go back-and-forth about Jason, even though I know it wouldn't be healthy for me for him to have any part in it. PTSD is a motherfucker. Who do you want to be out of your life that currently is in it? Nobody. What do you have to do to achieve your dream? Most likely for someone(s) with considerable influence or popularity in art to highlight photograph(s) of mine. It's why I enter competitions once in a blue moon if Mom's okay with paying the small fee; it's very, very seldom I even ask, though. I hate asking for things, especially non-necessities with our financial position. Are you ambitious? I think so. I'm determined as a motherfucker to be successful with photography, for one. Do you sell things online? Extremely rarely. Speaking of which, I keep forgetting to take pictures of my flute and guitar since I wanna try to get rid of them. I never played the guitar much, and my sentimental affection for my flute has long since faded, so I might as well make a bit of cash off them to go towards Venus' terrarium upgrade. Do you look the way you want to look? Hell no. Do you pray daily? I never do. Have you been through anything traumatic? Oh yes. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. What is a medical condition you used to have but don't anymore? I had this very weird spell of frequent vertigo that kinda just... vanished. Do you look your age? I suppose I do. What has made you itch the most? Shaving my legs I guess, considering I would scratch them so badly it left me with permanent scars. Is there anything you're avoiding? If so, what? Probably. Well enough that I can't even think of it right now, haha. What quality do you admire most in others? Empathy. Do you believe that things will get better? Yes. I hope. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I have. How old were you when you started swearing? I was in the 7th grade. I don't know the actual age group for that. Do you have any Indian in your blood? No. What is your favorite sunset color? Pink. Have you ever had dreadlocks? No. Have you ever wondered if your house was haunted? Two houses ago, yes. Does the idea of having servants bother you? Yes? Do you like crab? NOOOOOO NO NO. It's mushy and just ew. What song gives you chills? Hell, most music I listen to can. I get chills from music very, very easily, and I'd say either "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade or Disturbed's "Sound of Silence" cover does it the best, but I could very well be forgetting one. Ah, Bad Wolves' cover of "Zombie" is another very high contender, especially knowing the story behind it with how the original singer was supposed to write it with them, but the day of scheduled recording, she died. What color is your favorite hoodie? It's mostly gray, just with a Pikachu graphic on it. Do you have a string of lights in your room? No, but I've always thought those were really pretty. If you were a writer, would you have a pen name or use your real name? My real name. What is your friend's cat's name? Sara has a cat named Winter. Did you ignore the last Facebook post that bothered you, or did you comment? Probably rolled my eyes and scrolled by just to avoid conflict. I normally have to be HEATED to start something. If you were a famous singer, what would you want your hit song to be about? Peace, most likely. Do you have a blog? No. Do you think you are good at writing poetry? I think so, but it takes more thinking than it used to. Do you take gummy vitamins? No, but I wish I took vitamins. Would probably do me some good. If you could do research right now for an essay, what topic would you choose to write about? Hm. I'm always up for arguing for LGBT rights. There's a good handful of topics I'd enjoy writing about, though. Have you ever been tempted to commit a crime? Well, I've pirated things before, so... I kinda crossed that threshold. Other than that, no, not to my memory. Have you ever started writing a suicide letter? I wrote one and am forever humiliated by it. ...and then realized you wanted to live? No, I OD'd afterwards. Well wait... I was kinda on the line I guess, considering once I did it, I panicked and told Mom. If you have a class ring, what color is the stone? I didn't get one. Do you like apple cider hot or cold? I can't remember the last time I had either. Do you use window clings (stickers for your window)? No. Have you ever found a secret compartment? I don't remember ever finding one anywhere. Do you read horror stories? Sometimes RP pretty much turns into horror stories, haha. Do you ever comfort eat? I am VERY bad at that. Do you have your wedding planned in your head already? No, only skeletal basics of it. Does sunlight make you happier? Yes. This is a scientific fact. Do you feel depressed in the winter? No. What's your favorite shade of green? Like a pastel mint color. What channel is your TV usually on? Mom always has Netflix or Hulu on, I think. Do you drive with the windows down or the air on? I strongly prefer AC. How many pairs of jeans do you have? Zero. Do you sleep with a comforter or quilt? A comforter. Who is your favorite American president? I don't know nearly enough about any of 'em to make a fair judgment. Do you jump right in a pool or do you get in slowly? Whew, my jumping in the pool days are long over. Do you use one swimsuit for the summer or do you have many? I just have a single black one-piece. Do you use the bumpers when you bowl? Nah. Sorta affects the fun for me since it's less reason to focus. Do you put eyeliner on the top, bottom, or all around your eyes? All around. Will you refuse to listen to music if you find the lyrics degrading? Depends on how degrading, but usually, it doesn't play a part in deciding if I like the song itself or not. Can you do a cartwheel? I never even tried; I was always too afraid of breaking my neck. Do you have tornadoes where you live? Occasionally, but they're not a big thing here. What's your favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. What's the most expensive crafts tool that you own? Miss Tobey got me a big pack of Prismacolor pencils one year that I really cherish. Have you ever woven baskets of any kind (wicker, paper, cardboard etc.)? No. What's the most exotic spice in your spice rack? I don't have the slightest clue. Do you have a favorite television host? Steve Harvey is The Shit. What's something you're opinionated and very vocal about? LGBTQ+ rights and the pro-choice ideology lead the bunch. The lack of morality in hunting for sport, too. What's something you regularly order online? Nothing regularly. Do you like elevators? No; quite the opposite, actually. When you're angry, does it ever get physical? Absolutely not. What's the weirdest video YouTube has suggested to you? I don't really know. I'm certain I've seen some wild suggestions, though, given just how much of a heavy user I am of YT. Do you like the smell of tar? Ugh, no. Never understood that. Do you have any flags on display? If so, what flag(s)? I'd like a rainbow flag for my room to hang somewhere.

[baek--honey]

1-50 bitch

well since u asked nicely how could i resist

1. If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? paint/draw or the like, or knit maybe,

2. What’s your favorite piece of clothing you own/owned? MY HOT MOMS SHIRT THAT I LOST ;n; also the big grey hoodie i have & a pierce the veil shirt i borrowed from my gf that im never giving back :)

4. How often do you play sports? never

5. What fictional place would you most like to go to? The Digital World

6. What job would you be terrible at? probably anything involving extensive memorizing and maintaining information for long periods of time. so basically a lot of things…… or maybe like. working at starbucks cos i cant make coffee OR remember lots of drink recipes omg

7. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance at winning a medal for? playing kingdom hearts 2 on easy mode. i would have a good chance at winning because all the people that are good at playing kingdom hearts are gaming elitists that think playing on easy is for losers and if you dont play on critical mode you arent a real gamer :)

8. What skill would you like to master? making an omelet OR knitting

10. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? some out of town adventure with my girlfriend where money and time dont matter 

11. If you could change one thing about your life right now, what would you change and why? uh i’d like to be less haunted by my traumatic past maybe! or be a few inches taller that would be cool i feel like both of these are pretty self explanatory 

12. What’s your favorite drink? W A T E R or milk tea 

13. What do you consider to be your best find? my girlfriend 

14. Are you usually early or late? way too early. too mcuh time i dont know what to do with it

15. What pets did you have while growing up? hm lets see i had a couple turtles, some fish, i had a gerbil that i got from a friend, an african grey named solomon, boston terrier named Tiny, two white boxers named Floyd & Lloyd, a mix named Macy, 4 chihuhuas named Dude, Pooty, Flout & Chief, and now we have a cat named Schrödinger :~), oh and an amstaff/dalmation mix named EL

16. When people come to you for help, what do they usually want help with? anything and everything but never really asking for advice i guess? its more of them talking about a problem cos im easy to talk to and then me trying to help them come up to a solution if they need it

17. What takes up too much of your time? S L E E P I N G 

18. What do you wish you knew more about? cats!!!! also dogs cos i know a lot but i want to know more

19. What would be your first question after waking up from being cryogenically frozen for 100 years? why am i still alive?

21. Who’s your go-to band or artist when you can’t decide on something to listen to? seventeen or monsta x, exo’s LMR repackaged album

22. What shows are you into? the office, lost, honestly nothing thats still running on tv, i havent watched a show in forever, oh god wait does anime count cos i could write the longest list of anime i love: haikyuu, nge, digimon, noragami ,,,,,,

23. Who has impressed you most with what they’ve accomplished? Seventeen (Hangul: 세븐틴), also stylized as SEVENTEEN or SVT, is a South Korean boy group formed by Pledis Entertainment in 2015. The group consists of thirteen members divided into three sub-units, 

24. What age do you wish you could permanently be? a dog mom & i hope i can make that wish come true

25. What would be your ideal way to spend the weekend? napping on and off in bed with my girlfriend and then going to town for sushi & milk tea and then uhhhhhhhhhhh coming back home to nap some more and then go out for noodles for another date :} oh and a dog would be involved if possible because cuddling dogs is best

26. What’s something you like to do the old-fashioned way? physically writing and sending cards/letters in the mail i guess? i dont know if that really counts as doing something the old fashioned way but i definitely dont get as many cards or anything in the mail anymore. i also like to keep physical hand written to-do lists & schedules and stuff

27. What have you only recently formed an opinion on? how bad exo are at dancing  turtlenecks and scarves. they are good 

28. What’s the single best day on the calendar? october 10th my dogs birthday and also narutos birthday

29. What are you interested in that most people haven’t heard of? asmr??? 

30. What is the most annoying question that people ask you? “did u have a little lamb?” OR when my grandpa asks me anything about his iphone 

31. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on without absolutely no preparation? my dogs or seventeen. OR a half ass presentation about kingdom hearts, trying to explain it while getting around all the plot holes and not nailing down my arguments cos i dont really get it either and theres a lot i dont pay attention to but i could come up with 40 mins of info im sure

32. If you were a dictator of a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do? no waking until 10am. no crime or anything will be allowed ill figure out some way to make everything perfect so women can go out alone at night and not be afraid. no discrimination !! all the poc, lgbt, disabled, any minority  will be welcome and have safe spaces and any hate will be punished by law. also everyones allowed to have pets in their homes and no home goes without food or power. am i doing this right

33. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? travel out of your comfort zone. like physically travel somewhere and make the most of it but do it with someone cos the buddy system is important

34. What’s worth spending more on to get the best? jackets. i will pay up to 100$ for a good jacket and wear it forever cos itll be confirmed long-lasting and also most likely very comfortable!!!

35. What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of? i just want to point out that its not that i dont get the point of it because everyone has their likes and i have my own that other people dont i like that people are into whatever they want to be its just that i am Not into it. and that thing is yuri on ice

36. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years? being able to wake up every morning next to my girlfriend and out pets :~)

37. Where is the most interesting place you’ve been? corning museum of glass was super neat……. , dollywood, gatlinburg, chicago chinatown, idk i havent been to many interesting places 

38. What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to? i wana get a tattoo !!!!!!!!

39. What’s the best thing that happened to you last week? getting a job interview at barnes & noble because now i have a job there!!!

40. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind so that you could experience it for the first time again? diamond edge chicago

41. If all jobs had the same pay and hours, what job would you like to have? all i really want is that job where im paid to sleep 

42. How different was your life one year ago? tbh not that much different?? other than i was in school and now im not. i didnt have a job and now i do. i was a year further away from moving 

43. What’s the best way to start the day? talking to my girlfriend and also let me just say that first pee in the morning. perfect

44. What quirks do you have? what are quirks exactly i looked up examples to help me think of some but all im thinking of is…i cant have the volume on my tv or radio on an even number it has to be on an odd number??? i have to sleep with a fan on. idk dude

45. What would you rate 10/10? [MV] 몬스타엑스 (MONSTA X) _ 걸어 (ALL IN)

46. What kind of art do you enjoy most? abstract w lots of colors and shapes. geometric stuff 

47. What do you hope never changes? my ability to collect myself (unless it gets better which then i hope it does), my passion for art of any sort

48. What city would you most like to live in? anywhere except charleston and somewhere thats not extremely highly populated

49. What movie title best describes your life? Scooby Doo 2 - Monsters Unleashed

50. What’s the best way a person can spend their time? sleeping or hanging out with their pet

[dothewrite]

okay, i just can't stop thinking about this? but like, i imagine that if kuroo has an s/o, they're probably going to be friends with kenma, right? i, along with probably the rest of the fandom, also headcanon that kenma has anxiety. so can you do a scenario where said gf is with JUST kenma (probably waiting for kuroo or planning his surprise party or something) and suddenly kenma gets a mental breakdown so she kinda comforts him while kuroo gets a call and rushes to where they are?

I have so many things to say with Kenma, but I hope that this turned out to your satisfaction. Honestly, I think Kenma is very strong. But even the strong have their weak moments, and they deal with it the best they can, right? So I think that his way of dealing would be his silence, and all his different sides just collapsing into each other, and Kenma forgets who he is a little. I’m no expert on anxiety, and I can only base this on my singular experience, but I only wish that when it happened, I had been around someone I could trust, like Kenma has.

“Butjust because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die,You gotta get up and try, try, try.”-Try, Pink.

Kenma’s never been one for many words. It’s a quiet afternoon,a rare day in Tokyo indeed, and Kenma’s silence as you manoeuvre his mouseacross his monitor is more than the approval you need. Maybe he’s just in agiving mood, or maybe there’s something about the way the sky’s darkening today,but just because you can’t put a finger on it, doesn’t mean it’s less valuablein the slightest.

“I’m going to press create, okay?” You glance downonce at your friend’s defeated posture and grin. Kenma doesn’t even bothernodding, or speaking, he simply looks up at you with that exasperatedly deadexpression on his face, and you know that it’s ago.

You press create, like you had said, and the ‘createyour character’ screen pops up immediately. As expected of the newest graphicscard, there’s zero lag in this gamer’s build.

“Alright,” you tell him as you lean back, “now it’sall yours.”

“I see I shouldn’t have been glad when I found outthat Kuro’s girlfriend is a gamer too.”

“What’s wrong?” You grin some more, channelling a bitof Kuroo yourself, “this is a game! It’s a good game! You can’t just play onthose tiny buttons all the time.”

“This is an MMORPG, and yes, I can.”

“Since you don’t want to socialize in person, you cantalk to people online.”

Kenma looks at you witheringly. “I’m talking to you,aren’t I?”

“You’re the one who invited me over,” you practicallyglow at the memory.

“Yeah, that’s ‘cus you wouldn’t stop bothering meabout this game.”

“Not because you like me?”

“Get out.”

You laugh, an unfeminine, cackling laugh and somehow,the corners of Kenma’s lips tilt upwards just the tiniest bit.

“C’mon, Kenmaaaaa, make your character!”

Kenma rolls his eyes, but turns back to the screen asdirected. You watch eagerly as his fingers drape over his streamline mouse, elegantfrom years of practice, and wait for the first change he’s going to make.

Nothing happens.

The cursor remains unmoving, and those thin, setterfingers stay exactly where they are. It’s a beautiful picture, but it’s lessentertaining when all your friend is doing is staring at the shimmering blue creationscreen without a single movement.

“Hey… are you alright?” You dare to shift a littlecloser. “I’m sorry if I was bothering you too much.”

“It’s fine,” he says so quietly that you’d have missedit if you weren’t almost draped over his back.

The hairs on the back of your neck raise in anxiousnessanyway, Kenma’s reassurance bouncing off you completely. “You don’t have toplay if you don’t want to. I know I was really pushy but-“

“-I’m fine,” he repeats, firmer.

You sit back on your heels, falling silent. Kenmararely spoke to you like that, or anyone, for that matter. As the silence growslonger, the more you feel in the way, as if you were blocking somethingprofound from happening, as if there’s a voice in the background begging you toleave.

So you do, and you get to your feet without any resistance.Maybe Kenma noticed, but there’s no movement from him that indicates eitherway. The steps towards his bedroom door feels heavy, but you don’t let themdrag.

“I’ll leave,” and those aren’t the words you want tosay, but they come out anyway- blunt, more honest than anything else you’d beable to conjure. Your hand rests uselessly on the doorknob, and you count tofive for a response before you left the house for good.

It hits four, then five, and you turn the handle.

“It’s not-“ he begins like a startled bird in winter, dartingout and back in. You almost miss it, with the flurry of shame that rushes toyour cheeks. “-it’s not you. I-I…” and you feel like you’re losing him, beingdragged away by the current, and the boy who never speaks meets the girl whonever fights.

You feel the metal slip away from underneath yourfingers as you sink down to the floor. Afraid to look up, or perhaps todiscover what you’ll see, you make your way across the traditional Japanese flooringon your hands and knees until you’re a reasonable distance from Kenma again.

His hands have fallen away from his PC and onto hislap. He doesn’t seem to be looking at them, however, but to the side, countingthe ridges on a square of flooring.

“I’m not afraid of talking to people,” he finallyspeaks up.

Somehow, you know that you’ve lost this round, thatyou’re the one left to catch up as Kenma takes one step by one step away fromhis comfort zone and you’ve yet to attempt. Heck,if you’re catching up, then you’re going to catchup.

“What are you afraid of?” Confidence comes slowly, butit swims upwards as your sentence comes to a close. Perhaps this isn’t what you’rebest at, as the words you want always seem to dance in front of your fingertipsand slip away at the last moment, but you- you love this kid. As a friend, as ahuman being, and when he turns around to look at you in a soaring act ofbravery, you’re humbled.

Kenma’s shaking, just barely, and just because, you reach out and pull his frail shoulders againstyour own. He falls into you without much resistance. His posture is stillrigid, his angles unfriendly and his breathing hostile, but he’s close, and you’rethere, and you’re going to sit there with him until that upwards twitch of hislips comes back.

“I’ve got anxiety,” he announces dully, like it’s unavoidablehow the sun rises in the east, “GAD.”

“Okay.”

“I-I don’t like people around when it happens.”

You say nothing, because it’s the right thing to say.If Kenma doesn’t want you here, then you wouldn’t be. And his interruption isas much of an invitation for you to leave as was your five seconds at the doorwas to go.

“I think Kuro’s the only one who’s been around when itgets bad,” he adds.

“Would you like me to call him here?”

Kenma doesn’t reply, but you see how his fingersclench and then unwind again, so you reach for your phone with one hand andtype in the message.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t haveto,” you murmur. “But what happened?”

“Just now.”

“Mhm.”

His silence returns, as does his shaking, and all youcan do is hold him with your own small heart. And, you wait. Soft, hesitantstrokes up and down his back you offer, and he shrinks away at first but leansinto your touch after a few seconds. Another act of bravery; you count two.

“I think of gaming a lot,” Kenma begins, “and I starta lot of games. So this MMO… it- I keep on starting things, and it’s like aloop.”

You know he can feel you nod against his hair, andsomehow, his heaves for air grow just the slightest bit more regular, althoughlouder. Like he’s not trying to hide them as much anymore.

“A loop where nothing ever ends,” he breathes, and ifa beautiful dream could be a nightmare, this is its battle cry. “I never start anythingmeaningful in my life, I only start things that take up my time, start games,beat levels- and then next game… I’m in a fucking loop.”

This is the first time you’ve heard Kenma swear withsuch vehemence, and it makes him sound present in ways you can’t bring towords.

“I’ve never really thought about what I’d like to do,or what I can do. Even volleyball I’vefollowed Kuro around and joined because he made it fun for me- it’s likenothing I’ve done is for myself.”

“Your hobby is you, too.”

“But they’re just hobbies,”he gasps, desperate. “I can’t be just games,that’s just really sad.”

Your fingers tighten, but you’re not going to saysomething you know won’t be welcome right now.

“And I don’t know what I’m capable of. Maybe it’snothing, maybe it’s just being a mediocre setter.”

He isn’t.But you can’t tell him that yet.

“I can just see it- all my life I’m going to be tiredand useless and just a quiet guy who games and doesn’t like people. I can’teven like people,” and Kenma laughscruelly against your shoulder. “What am I going to be? When will I ever getanywhere? What if I don’t care? I’m the most afraid of not caring. It’sprobably the option that’s going to come true the most.”

“I don’t think you have to care,” you offer quietly. “Whohas the right to guilt you into caring about things you don’t?”

Kenma moves to slap you about the head. “Society,dumbass.”

“Seriously, Kenma.” You sound serious. “I-I’m in noplace to say much but, I think you’re allowed to be you. You don’t have topunish yourself for being you.”

“It doesn’t help, being me,” he answers. Toeing theline between snarky and exhausted, he sounds like Kenma again, and you know forone that his laugh won’t leave you.

You shrug. “It might not help, but we can make do,right?”

“Is that the plan? To wing it?”

“I’ll help you,” you promise, tentative and feathery,like a wish made in a dream, and all Kenma has to do is to reach out and graspit. “Kuroo will help you. All your friends will help you. We can’t control everything,right? So we just gotta make do. Some things we just can’t plan for.”

“Some things,” he echoes.

“Yup.”

“Maybe I should stop gaming,” he says, and sounds somiserable saying it that it almost makes you laugh.

“Don’t! Who else would I play with? Besides, you’renot losing things because of your hobby. It’s just a hobby,” you tell himagain, “it’s okay to like it. But it’s also okay to try new things too, so wecan figure out together ‘what you’re capable of’, yeah?”

Kenma heaves a defeated sigh, and smiles. It’s a weaklittle thing, but it makes your chest warm. The only appropriate response is tocuddle him even more, to which he can only protest feebly against death bybreasts. Naturally, you don’t hear a word of it.

It’s also how Kuroo finds the two of you- he’s pantingand looking far too disheveled and sweaty for his fashionable lookingensemble, and there’s a funny little dance his face makes as he tries to decidewhether to be worried, baffled, or tsk.

“You put some effort into your clothing today.”

“Someone bothered today. Wow.” Both you and Kenma sayin unison, with varying levels of enthusiasm.

Kuroo shakes his head, a parent home to find thirddegree destruction, and flops down next to the two of you. You yelp, because he’sa big guy, and very capable of flattening both you and Kenma.

“I was worried sick,”he whines. “Then I rush here to find you two going at it-“

“We were not!”

“Oi Kenma,” Kuroo drapes himself almost entirely onKenma’s back- which is supported by your own frame, and you definitely feel thestrain. “Are you trying to steal my girlfriend?”

“Like hell,” Kenma rolls his eyes again, “she wouldn’teven leave me alone about that stupid game.”

Kuroo reaches over to ruffle your hair, and you curlinto it unconsciously like a cat.

“Which game, eh? Can I play?”

“You really should ask her instead-“

“Whaaaat, you haven’t even passed the creation screen?Kenmaaaaaaaaaa.”

“JesusChrist, alright, just shut up.”

Kenma drags his unwilling flesh body over to theabandoned PC and taps at his mouse with the weariness of a dying god. Kuroohovers happily around him, pleased enough that the tension drains out from thewires of his muscles.

They make such a picture. You’re tempted to take outyour phone and snap one, but something holds you back and you decide that the betteroption is to leave the two of them to it for now.

You’re a simple step away from the open doorway, butyou can’t resist the temptation to glance back one more time.

Kuroo’s eyes meet yours, a stolen secret, and when hesmiles at you- relief, gratefulness, pride, love- you don’t bother hiding youranswering one.