#maybe it's because they are the three more nostalgic/slow songs they have but the emotional weight in regards to the unit itself

[whitedahlia13]

Alright so this is real specific but I have feeling you’ll have a good answer. Are there any Taylor Swift songs that remind you of Stiles’s pov of Stydia or Lydia’s pov or both?

This is a fun ask! There are several actually. And specific is awesome, by the way. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve listened to a new Taylor Swift song over the years, convinced that she watches Teen Wolf, is a fan of Stydia, and wrote the lyrics specifically for them.

Anyway, to keep this response from becoming an actual book, I’ll delve into three songs – one for Lydia, one for Stiles, and one for our OTP – and I’ll just list the others.

Let’s dig in…

– Begin Again –

This is a favorite of mine. Soft. Emotive. Nostalgic. It was the inspiration for the final chapter of Falling Slowly, a song that has always reminded me of Lydia (especially in s1/2). Seriously, it’s like a snapshot of the thoughts and feelings she would have been going through with Jackson – the power struggle, the conflict, the lack of connection, the disrespect. In the meantime, and happily-ever-after for us, she’s building this genuine friendship with Stiles. One of the many things I love about their development—something that, too often, gets overlooked—is how in awe of him Lydia must have been, the kind of awe that is so beautifully expressed in this song. If you look closely, it’s there…on their first date, and again when they go ice skating… Something in her expression that says: Oh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like. And who could blame her? Stiles is the complete opposite of Jackson. He lights a match to everything Lydia thought she knew about relationships, simply by being himself. Which is to say, someone who treats her right, who cares deeply for her, and who listens to her because he actually wants to know her. Someone who opens doors, and camps out in hospital waiting rooms, and pays attention to the things that matter to her because they matter to him too. For the first time, she’s realizing someone can appreciate and admire her for who she truly is, not just her outward appearance and popularity. And all it took was this cute-awkward, hyperactive but super-smart guy who laughs with the exuberance of a little kid to show her that real love isn’t something that hurts you. It heals you. That with the right person, you can always begin again.

– You Are in Love –

This is Stiles, through and through. Because he knew he loved Lydia for a long time, but it was from a distance. Then, he starts spending quality time with her, and it really sinks in: He is in Love. I can just picture Stiles having all of these *moments* – meeting by their lockers, sitting in class, driving Lydia home, stepping into her room, studying together, sharing peanut butter cups, seeing her snuggle into one of his hoodies – all of these little moments where he realizes he’s more in love with her than he ever thought. Moments where he senses their unspoken connection, the kind he can hear in the silence… Moments when he feels and—even with the lights out—sees that maybe, just maybe, Lydia is beginning to feel that way too... It's slow burn bliss, I tell ya! It’s love. True love.

– Everything Has Changed –

For the phrasing, obviously. Also, if you’ve read chapter 37 of Falling Slowly, (apologies for another shameless plug—it’s a year since I finished it, and I’m feeling super nostalgic) you’ll understand even more why this song gives me serious Stydia vibes. Not so much in the context of love at first sight, but rather, an awakening moment. Something that makes you want to know another person on every level, how with each new thing you learn, you want to know more and more. Always more. It’s about being affected by the little details. How your thoughts keep circling back to this other soul. The notion of letting someone in because—with or without explanation—being with them feels like coming home. If that’s not Stydia...

This playlist would not be complete without –

Invisible String (Taylor makes it so easy sometimes)

This Love (More fic inspiration. Actually, I was nearing the end of the one-shot that shares a title with this song when I realized how perfectly they aligned. So in this case, I guess it was more like subliminal inspiration, which definitely still counts.)

Daylight (golden, like first kiss and 6x10 reunion vibes)

I’m Only Me When I’m with You (both of them, the cornerstone of Stydia's relationship)

Run (I mean… Lydia being full-on ready to run away with Stiles in 6x01. Yes, please and thank you.)

Mirrorball (first dance vibes)

State of Grace (Lydia, falling, fast and deep)

Untouchable (Early Stiles, but thankfully for all parties involved, things didn’t stay this way.)

There are a few I’ll to keep to myself for now, since they link to some of my WIPs. Now, it's your turn, loves. Comment, tag... Tell me which TS songs remind you of Stydia.

[televinita]

Am listening to Taylor Swift music again, and have been seized by the need to talk through some of her older albums -- favorite songs, personal history, whatever comes to mind. Maybe in yet another attempt to try and figure out my overall fave / ranking of them as a set? No real order is planned for this so I thought I’d start with this one, because I realized I actually hadn’t listened to it in quite some time.

(I don't really know what this mini-project is going to be but I’ve been noodling on it for a few nights and now seems as good a time as any to share.)

Background/Overview

When it was new -- and a 2010 Christmas present for me -- it was my favorite of the three, but now I'm not sure. The thing is that it has several songs I like better than the entirety of Fearless (except for #1 fave Change), but it also has a handful I find less interesting compared to that one’s “13 track listings, stars beside them all” success, and I can’t decide how to weight that. It does absolutely have the prettiest cover and booklet, though.

Songs

Ask me my favorite song on this album and I’ll say without hesitation Long Live. I don’t think that will ever change; it’s in my all-time-faves across her whole discography. The twin/companion piece to Change, it never fails to make my heart sing. It came out after I was an adult but it still makes me nostalgic and occasionally teary as hell for high school. Bonus association: this was my mental soundtrack for the end of Glee season 3 too (”for a moment, a band of thieves in ripped-up jeans got to rule the world").

Runner-up faves are Haunted, which really lives up to its name (Wuthering Heights-haunted style, maybe... between the electric guitar tearing open the scene and the chimes, the instrumentation is epic; this may be the only song that actually loses emotional impact as an acoustic/piano version), Better Than Revenge (which is my not-even-that-guilty pleasure and I will JAM OUT to it to this day; "no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity" is SAVAGE and I love it), and The Story of Us ("looks like a lot like a tragedy now" is one of my favorite quotes to bust out in episode reviews about ‘ship destruction, or was when I still did those), which is similarly jam-out-worthy. Ooh, and Sparks Fly is one of those songs where I'm like, "WHY wasn't this a single, it's so good." I’m actually always kind of surprised that one isn’t the album opener; “my mind forgets to remind me you’re a bad idea” is my anthem for giving shows/ships/characters/episodes way more chances than they deserve. (Grey’s Anatomy. We’re mostly talking about every time I dip back into the Grey’s Anatomy waters). In slow-songs-I-like territory: Enchanted, which is frankly too pretty for the person it’s actually about (but helpfully easy to apply to anyone and relevant to every listener’s life). And Back to December, which suffers rather unjustly from my knowing that it’s about The Boring Taylor, because I used to automatically skip it about half the time, yet every time I actually listen to it I'm shocked to realize it’s way prettier than I remember. Both musically (when male vocals...enhance?? a taylor song??) and lyrically.

As far as the other singles, I kind of killed Mine for myself with overplay, but I do think it's one of the strongest singles she's ever released...and as I’m listening to it now, I think it might be back! What good music, what a sweet scenario, and how much do I love the “brace myself for the goodbye / ‘cause that’s all I’ve ever known...” part.

Mean is fun and deservedly sassy, although it too is recovering from overplay (with the added demerit of being covered in the worst, least appealing possible way on Glee and feeling tainted forever. Once upon a time this was in my top 5 for the CD). Speak Now is fun too, but also...damn, so much more juvenile and mean-spirited to me now than Better Than Revenge. You don't help a dude ditch his bride at their wedding! If he shouldn't be marrying her you talk to him BEFORE THE CEREMONY???? I have definitely lost enchantment with this one over time.

One I don’t know how to feel about: I have to be in the right mood for the song so I don’t always let it play through, but as a late bloomer homebody and perpetual looker-backer, the second half of Never Grow Up really kicked me in the heart when I first heard it. I thankfully never ended up having to experience this, but "here I am in my / new apartment in the big city / they just dropped me off / it's so much colder than I thought it would be / so I tuck myself in, and turn the nightlight on" really described all my deepest fears about graduating from college and still brings a twinge at the mere thought.

On the downturn: unpopular opinion but while Dear John is full of great lyrics, it’s just so damned slow that I skip it almost every time. I’m really hoping it gets reinvigorated by a Taylor’s Version, because whenever I give it a chance, I just end up freshly disappointed by the wasted potential.

Innocent is slightly more compelling music-wise, but still rather slow and often skipped, not least because it just...feels weird. Uneven. There are some great lines and a good idea buried in here, but with its history and context it's so patronizing even when I’m on Taylor’s side that it ends up cringe.

Meanwhile, Last Kiss doesn't even exist to me. It covers the same criminal territory as Back to December but it's EVEN SLOWER. Bonus Tracks I didn't hear them until the end of 2012 and even then only as standalones on Spotify, separate from the album associations, I absolutely love all three, more than the last 5 or 6 above in fact. Ours is the companion piece / sequel to "Mine," If This Were A Movie is sweet, and Superman is so cute and catchy.

[valkyrietookmoved]

Sajou no Roukaku, Mémoire Antique and Uruwashi no Nightingale are a series of songs that build off of each other and hold a cohesive narrative that speaks on the growth and evolution of Valkyrie as a unit and the ideals they have decided to herald during their different eras in this essay I will-

[mrs-march-ahs]

Hi! I have a request~ The Evans reactions to losing in any sort of game. Can be board games or video games 😅

The Evans Losing At Games

Headcannons for all, imagines for some!

Cute idea, thank you! I didn’t write much for Jimmy, I’m sorry Jimmy I love you<3

Enjoy:)

Tate

-Clearly a teenage boy who lets emotions build up a lot -Definitely cheats if he’s had enough -If he keeps losing in the same part of the video game and rage quits, it takes him forever to get back into the game - “Ohhhh… I forgot that’s where I let off… fuck it” (quits) -Much better and calmer at playing cards, and generally prefers games were the two of you can talk and he doesn’t have to focus too much

--

You laid on your bed, scrolling aimlessly through social media, and occasionally glancing at Tate playing a video game he hasn’t played in a while. When you started talking about games, and you told him you had it, he nostalgically reminisced how much he used to play it when he was alive, so you set it up for him. Every few minutes, when a red screen would pop up, Tate would sigh, and with every passing death, his sighs got louder and angrier.

After only maybe half an hour of playing, Tate clearly couldn’t take it anymore, and threw the control towards the floor, before stomping over to shut the console and TV off. The sound made you flinch, and you had never seen Tate angry before. Nor his body language nor face showed his emotions, just his actions, and when he flopped by your side, he looked fine. If somebody had come in right now, they would just see two teenagers laying next to each other.

“Uhhh… you okay?”, you ask, before rolling over to face him. You poke at his chubby cheek as he stares up at the ceiling and tease him. “Sore loser”.

“Shut up, it’s your fault. You reminded me why I wasn’t allowed to play this game for very long”.

“Wanna play something else? Together? We could play Dragon Ball Z?”, you ask quietly, before going back to your childish sing-song teasing. “Be nice, and I’ll even let you win a few times!”

Tate looks over at you and huffs, before sitting up and getting the controllers, “Good thing you’re used to begging me for mercy”

Kit

-Least sore loser out of them all -Always up for a rematch -He’s pleasant even when he does win - “Want a rematch sugar? So you can have another shot at beating me?” - “Ah you were close, you’re getting good” - “You’re a good rival” - “If I lose, you can drag me to that Rom Com you wanted to see” - “If I win, we make more babies” -Pretends to be competitive when he’s playing with the kids - “I would say Team Girls vs Team Boys… but that’s not fair, the two of you don’t even stand a chance, right Tommy?” -If one of the kids beat him, he’d act super dramatically to give them as much satisfaction of winning -Laser tag is 34 years before Kit’s time, but if he played something like that, he’d try to let the kids win

--

You ran around the garden and chased a giggling Julia. Because of current financial issues, the power was out, but not wanting to worry the children to much, and not wanting them to ask too many questions, you and Kit decided to make the most of the sun and tire them out before it got dark. Kit, being the big kid he is, suggested playing a tag-like game Thomas invented, where you each get three pebbles each, and try to get each other out by throwing them. Gently. Unless you were throwing them at Kit.

Julia started slowing down when she reached the corner of the house, hoping to hide from you, but you were right behind her, making her turn around and burst out in giggles. When the 5-year-old laughed, the only thing you could see was the missing tooth she donated to the tooth fairy last night. Once you circled all around the house, you come back in view of the garden, and see Julia hiding behind Kit.

“That’s cheating!”, he exclaims, trying to run away from her and toss a pebble in her direction, only for her to do it faster. The second Julia’s tiny rock hits Kit’s tummy and bounced, he put his hands over his stomach and held it like a gun wound. He dropped to the floor dramatically, leaving the two little kids to die of laughter, and you walk over to him, Kit peeping open one eye slightly to see if you were watching him, and then stuck his tongue out to play dead. You picked up a stick from the floor and poked at his chest, making Kit chuckle but quickly hide it.

“Is it dead?”, you ask.

Thomas leans in closer to look at his dad on the floor, before Kit opens his eyes and pulls Tommy to the floor with him, rolling over to be on top of him.

“I win!”, Kit announces, before kissing his son on the cheek.

Franken Kyle

-He doesn’t particularly play complicated games, but he isn’t too patient and gets frustrated with himself pretty easily -If on one of his educational games, he messes something up too many times in a row, he’ll shut off the game and throw the tablet on the bed -He’ll avoid even looking at it -If he loses a tickle fight he’ll sit and whine, straddle you and then tickle you until you beg him to stop -Whines even if he loses at rock paper scissors -He likes colouring and drawing, and because it’s good for his motor skills, the two of you made a really simple game together -You drew out a long snake shape on a big piece of paper and drew lines in between for the spaces -Kyle carefully coloured them in with pencil and with a marker you wrote occasional things like ‘Go back two spaces’ or ‘Go forward three spaces’ -Sweet little Ky would roll the dice, and take his time, pushing his little figurine, which was something like a pencil sharpener or a bottle cap, and counted out the spaces -Got super excited if he won, but wouldn’t mind losing -He would insist the two of you keep playing, and you’re only allowed to stop and go to bed if you end on him winning -Sometimes he would try to let you win so that you could keep playing -Whine and pout if you had to stop playing, and how are you meant to say no to him? -You would have to promise you’ll play tomorrow -You’d be able to slowly make more and more complicated games, until eventually he’d be able to play things like checkers or Ludo

Jimmy

-Lowkey a sore loser -If there were loads of different people playing, he would be a lot more friendly -If he lost, he would still be super annoyed, but just wouldn’t show it -But if it was the two of you, he’d be super competitive -The type of person to flip the board game if he was losing -But he’d apologise straight away and pout if you didn’t want to play with him again - “C’mon let’s play again, I’ll be nice this time” - “Loser gets spanked” -Loves playing games like beer pong

James

-Unpleasant loser but also not a pleasant winner -Bitter compliments if you win at cards - “Well done darling, who would have thought with your high school education you were such a poker master” -Only willing to play the same 5 card games, because if you teach him a new board game he is not familiar with and he loses, he’ll claim it’s only because he’s new to the game -Absolutely infuriated if he loses at Monopoly, since he built a hotel after all -Don’t even bother trying to teach him how to play a video game -And of course - “Only amateurs keep score”

--

“What are you doing, dear?”, James said, fascinated at your little character wandering around a shop, on the screen in front of both of you.

“I’m trying to buy this plant, but I don’t have enough money, I want to see if I can sell anything I have”, you explain, pointing at your backpack filled with items that you can exchange for spare coins.

“Nonsense, darling, why don’t you simply stab the storekeeper and steal what you desire?”

“Because this is Animal Crossing, James, there isn’t a stab button”

Kai

-Kai likes playing video games or board games with literally anybody apart from you -He likes playing with Ozzy because he’s a kid so most of the time Kai can beat him easily -Definitely not the type of person to let the kid win, even if Ozzy is sobbing and Ally asks him to let Ozzy win once in a while - “Winning fairly will feel so much better for him” - “He won’t appreciate success if he doesn’t first taste failure” -Sometimes instead of story time with his troops he’ll play some board games -At first, everybody will keep letting Kai win out of fear -But eventually someone will win, and everybody else will be fearful for them, scared Kai will be angry - “Finally somebody capable, somebody strong, not scared to show their true capabilities” -But if you ask him to play a game with you, he probably won’t -If you eventually beg enough that he will agree to play a game with you, he’ll tell you he’s only playing one -If you win, he’ll be like, “Okay, are you happy now?” - “Finally it’s over” - “I let you win, are you happy?” -But if he wins, he’ll try to get you to play a few more games - “Are you giving up already?” - “Don’t be a sore loser, rise up to the challenge” - “I assumed you wanted to win, not just to play”

- (Kai loses) “See… you have to give a humiliated man a chance to redeem himself in his own ey-”

[kythed]

I have a fic request for Kuroo! A childhood friends to lovers situation based off the song Take my Hand by Picture This! (Just a cute song that has been haunting me because Kuroo ❤️)

I have been through and stalked your blog and I love it! I also saw the ficmas prompt list and I’m looking forward to requesting those too!

I hope this is okay and thank you so much! Your stuff is a joy to read! ❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨

take my hand

kuroo tetsurou x reader

hope you enjoy <3

five.

“You’re my best friend,” he tells you, swallowing the heart that keeps straining to burst from his throat, to lay itself at your feet in all its humiliating devotion. “Of course I love you.”

And he does love you, he reassures himself, letting you walk ahead of him. Just not in the way you think he does. He struggles to keep his eyes above your waistline, tearing his gaze from the hem of your skirt and pointedly pinning it to the back of your head, where your hair is loosely tied with a glossy silk ribbon. His efforts succeed for nearly thirty seconds before he again finds his eyes tracing their way down your neck, down your back, down to the arch of your waist and the flare of your hips, relishing the curve of your--

Damn it. He abruptly stops in his tracks, rubbing his eyes until he sees only stars. (Maybe if he rubs his eyes with enough vigor he’ll stop noticing things he shouldn’t notice while looking at his best friend.)

“Tetsu,” you say, turning around with a laugh. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” he says gruffly, blinking hard.

He’s not fine.

four.

Life is painful when you’re in love with your oldest, dearest friend. Let Kuroo Tetsurou be the first to testify that when you’ve grown up with someone your entire life, when you’ve made the long, tedious trek from diapers to graduation gowns with them, it feels almost sinful to find yourself slipping into daydreams about pressing that person against your wall, about hearing them whisper your name on soft linen sheets, about kissing them breathless and glassy eyed until the sun plunges beneath the horizon with a brazen wink.

He hates himself for staring at you and hoping to catch you staring back. He hates himself for letting your words wash over his head, unheard, in favor of watching the way your lips curve and curl when you speak.

Most of all, he hates himself for loving you so fiercely in a particular way that would surely sour your stomach and send you running.

“I love you too,” you say, waiting for him to catch up and fall into step beside you. You take his hand and lace your fingers with his as you make your way up the street to your house. The windows glow a domestic orange, dimly illuminating the patch of asphalt before your front door.

It’s nearing seven now-- the gentle clinking of silverware and some sort of faint, savory scent from within inform you of dinner’s impending commencement.

“I know,” he says, cracking a crooked smile. You roll your eyes as he brushes a mocking kiss over your knuckles. “I’m hard to hate.”

three.

Most of the summer passes uneventfully, according to Kuroo’s standards. He manages to keep himself in check, even as he spends each and every day with you, dawn til dusk, savoring your presence the way a starving man savors his last ration.

He manages to treat you almost exactly as he’s treated you his entire life-- like a best friend. He tells his silly jokes that make you giggle and groan simultaneously. He pushes you off the pier when you least expect it, howling with laughter as you resurface, sputtering and flinging fiery invective. He shares an earbud with you as he walks downtown with you by his side, arm slung over your shoulder with carefully calculated composure.

He almost makes it to autumn without incident.

The small, hidden moments are what gives him away, though, layered within false nonchalance and easygoing grins like brightly painted matryoshka.

The way his chest constricts almost painfully when you laugh at a pun he’s ad-libbed on the spot, sending a flurry of butterflies freewheeling in the pit of his stomach.

“It really wasn’t that good,” he chuckles, tenderly watching as tears of laughter prick at the corners of your eyes and you grip his forearm in an attempt to steady yourself as giggles rack your body.

“No, it wasn’t,” you agree, struggling to catch your breath. “It was awful, and that’s what made it so funny.”

(He makes about a dozen more puns that day, feeling like he’s won the lottery whenever you so much as smile at his pitiful attempts at wordplay.)

The way his hands tremble when you turn around and ask him to tie your bikini string before you jump into the lake, the way he bites his lip so some horribly incriminating comment about how he really thinks you’d “be better off without the bikini at all” doesn’t slip out from his mouth.

“Thanks Tetsu,” you chirp after he ties the string around the back of your neck in a neat double-knot. You give him a wink and take off towards the water, kicking up sand in the process. “Last one in buys lunch!”

(He was already planning on paying anyways.)

The way he sits up a little straighter when you lean over and slip a hand under his arms to press ‘skip’ on his phone while you listen to his playlist-- you’re so close he can smell your lip balm.

“Sorry,” you say, smiling apologetically. “I don’t really like that band.”

(Later that evening, Kuroo goes through his Spotify and deletes every single song from that band he has on all of his playlists.)

Yes, he manages to keep himself in check outwardly. But inside, he can feel himself digging his grave a little deeper with each passing day. He watches the sands of summer run through his fingers with the dread of a man counting down the days to his funeral.

He just knows that one of these days he’s going to slip.

two.

He’s right, of course. There’s only so much emotional torment one person can humanly endure. It’s just that he’s hoping he can extinguish this inconvenient, one-sided flame before August comes around. Maybe then everything can go back to normal, whatever normal might entail.

Needless to say, Kuroo’s hopes are dashed before summer comes to a close.

It’s a sticky July evening when you and he drive out to an empty parking lot at the edge of town, a blanket and an old transistor radio in tow. You’re wearing a pale yellow sundress that falls to just above your knees-- he’s glad it’s not any shorter, and that the breeze isn’t quite strong enough to lift your hem.

“I think I can see Orion’s belt,” you say, pointing towards somewhere far into the cosmos. Kuroo squints, trying to follow your finger.

“I don’t think that’s Orion,” he says. “Looks like a cat to me.”

The two of you are sitting on a blanket spread across the hood of his car, craning your necks to make out vague shapes in the stars. Between you, slow, muffled music trickles out from the radio’s small speakers, some sort of vintage tune from the forties.

“How in the world are you seeing a cat?” You shake your head, giving him a hard poke on the shoulder. “Looks more like a swarm of astral bees than anything.”

“Astral bees,” he repeats with a laugh. “Laziest constellation interpretation I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s not lazy,” you protest. “It’s accurate.”

Kuroo just smiles and shrugs, sneaking a glance at you. Your face is bathed in milky starlight, eyes wide as you peer up at the cloudless sky with a blend of wonder and appreciation. There’s some competition, but he thinks this might be the prettiest you’ve ever looked in a single moment.

As if you can feel his stare, you turn to catch his gaze. A gentle smile breaks onto your face, and you absentmindedly tuck a strand of hair behind your ear with the endearing shyness of a schoolgirl. “What is it?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he says, mirroring your grin. “You just… look nice right now.”

“No, seriously,” you laugh disbelievingly. “Is there something on my face?”

“I am being serious,” Kuroo insists, fidgeting with the blanket beneath his palms. “You look good. Yellow suits you.”

You flush, glancing down at your dress. You bought it two summers back, and he’s seen you in it a million times before. This is the first summer where he’s really seen you, though. “Well, thank you. It’s a warm night, so I figured I was better off in a dress than pants.”

“Yeah,” he says softly, breaking eye contact to squint up at the stars. He grins and points, finger trembling slightly. “I think I can see where you’re coming from, with the bees.”

one.

A staticky, syrupy waltz comes on the radio, bleeding into the cracks in the comfortable silence. You sigh contentedly, leaning back onto the windshield. “I like this song. It’s… nostalgic.”

Kuroo cocks an eyebrow at you. “You’ve heard this before?”

“No,” you laugh, biting the inside of your cheek. “But it reminds me of times gone by, you know? Like, this is the sort of music I imagine playing when a soldier reunites with his wife after the war.”

“When he comes running out of the train and drops his bags on the platform,” Kuroo continues, watching you carefully, “only to sweep his girl off her feet and spin her around wildly.”

You nod, sneaking a glance at him. “You really know me that well, huh?”

“Yeah,” he says, eyes crinkling with humor. “But I get it, too. It has that old fashioned romance thing goin’ on.”

“Mhm,” you agree. You reach over and fiddle with the radio’s volume, turning it up just enough to round out the sound completely.

Kuroo sits for a moment, watching you close your eyes and hum along to the music. Then, a sudden boldness taking the reins, he hops off the hood and walks over to you, extending his hand. “Take it.”

“What?”

“Take my hand,” he insists, so you do, gingerly placing your palm atop his. “We’re going to dance.”

“Oh, no,” you laugh, nonetheless letting him help you down from the car and resting a hand on his shoulder. He lightly places his own on your waist, leading you out into the parking lot. “You know I can’t dance.”

“I can’t either,” he reminds you. “But I want to dance with you right now.”

As you begin to sway slightly to the music, Kuroo pulls you a little closer to his chest, letting his chin brush the top of your head. “Why are you into that whole idea?”

“What idea?” you ask quietly, letting him lead you in slow circles around the lot.

“The idea of an old fashioned love.”

“Oh,” you say, laughing as Kuroo spins you in his arms, catching you before you stumble. “I’m not sure… maybe because it seems more constant than love today. Like, today, if you tell someone you love them, it’s a compliment, not a promise. But back then, it was a vow. It meant something.”

Kuroo swallows, looking down at you. His heartbeat pounds in his ears, threatening to burst out of his temples. I’m about to do something I might regret.

zero.

“I need you to do something for me,” he says, voice low and thick with caution. “Close your eyes.”

“What?”

“Please,” he says, voice breaking. He knows that if he doesn’t do this now, he never will. You look beautiful to him in this moment, dancing with him in the empty parking lot to the faint melody of an old waltz. Your eyes glisten with life, your lips gently parted, hair slightly curling over your cheeks.

You roll your eyes once but nonetheless close them obediently, relying a little more on his arms to steady you. He swallows. “Okay. So, imagine we’re living in the 1940s.”

“Okay,” you say, smiling slightly. “I’m imagining.”

“Imagine I enlisted in the war, and I just got back home. Imagine you’re waiting for me at the train station.”

“Mhmm,” you say, trying your best to envision the platform. “You look good in that uniform, Tetsu.”

He chuckles. “I look good in anything.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, squeezing his hand. “Get on with it.”

“Imagine I come sprinting out from the train and you’re waiting there with open arms. This song is playing on the platform speakers. I ask you to dance just like we are now.” Kuroo watches you grin, feeling his heart flutter. “Then, imagine I tell you something.”

Unconsciously, you shift closer to him, almost pressing your body flush to his. A breath hitches in his throat. “What do you tell me?”

He leans down, brushes his lips against your ear. “I love you.”

You open your eyes, head cocked, slight confusion cloaking your features. “You mean, like…?”

Kuroo shakes his head. “No. I mean, like, I love you. Not just in a friend way. In that old fashioned way you were talking about. I love everything about you. I’m in love with everything about you.”

“Tetsu…” you breathe, searching his face. He gazes down at you seriously, not a trace of humor tainting his stare. He takes a deep breath.

“I love the way your hair falls in the summer. I love your stupid, annoying laugh. I love how your hand fits in mine. I love the way you rant about anything and everything and expect me to listen, and I do because I can’t help but get excited about what you get excited about. I love you like a soldier loves his wife,” he says, the words flowing out like a river bursting from a dam. “I love you so much it hurts, and it scares me, and I’m sorry if this ruins stuff between us, but I just had to--”

“Shut up.”

He blinks, mouth gaping. “I-- what?”

“I said,” you whisper, gripping the back of his neck and guiding his face down to yours. “Shut up, Tetsu. You talk too much.”

Then suddenly you’re kissing him, and he can’t believe it, but he kisses you back like it’s what he was born to do. He lets you crash your lips into his and watches as shooting stars burst forth and the planets align. Somehow, your hands find their way up into his hair, tangling themselves in his dark locks, and his own travel down to your lower back, pulling you as close as humanly possible, so tightly he never wants to let go. He revels in the warmth of your skin, the icy, tingly sensation of your lips, and when you pull back, it’s all he can do to refrain from pulling you right back in again.

There’s a brief silence. His lips are swollen, his lungs are devoid of air. “I… wow. Just, wow.”

You grin wickedly, slipping your hand into his. “I’ve been waiting to do that for a while now.”

“You have?” he asks, eyes wide in disbelief. “I didn’t notice.”

“Of course you didn’t,” you laugh. “You were too worried about not letting me notice you staring at my ass every chance you got.”

Kuroo flushes but gives a sheepish smile, massaging the back of his neck. “You know, I really thought I was being smooth about it.”

--

As it turns out, you love him back. And not just in the best friend way. You love everything about him, his stupid jokes, his loud, booming laugh, his teasing, his smile, his successes and his failures. You love how your hand fits in his. You love that it took him years and years to admit to himself that he loved you, too.

Kuroo Tetsurou may not be the smoothest guy in the world, but he’s certainly the only one you want. And you’re certainly the only one he wants.

And that’s really the most you could ever ask for.

[medivhtirisfal]

Review of Oniisama E (Dear brother)

So I've watched «Oniisama e» recently, and it was an amazing experience - the anime gave to me an extraordinary range of feelings.

It suddenly became popular last year (many creators use shots from it in their videos, like «*song's name* slowed and reverb». You know.) I found it by watching a video with piano melody, which was kind of an edit/AMV. Here it is, if you're interested:

In general, this anime is about teenage school years of Nanako (main character), her friends, rivals, also about her family and etc. It's mostly narrated via letters that Nanako sends to her "brother". It takes place in 70s btw. And in a prestigious academy for girls only. Manga was made in 70s, anime in 90s. And it's sort of a shoujo ai.

First of all, this anime unexpectedly reminded me of my primary school years because back then I used to like reading old books (belonging to 20th century) about finishing schools for girls. Those schools were usually focused on etiquette, literature, arts, music. And this anime just resembles that perfectly, but with a more modern attitude. I guess, that's why it was especially interesting for me to watch this, as seemingly no one (apart from me) liked such literature, and here I can see an anime that is suddenly getting popular and is literally equal in terms of atmosphere to those books.

---------

Let's get down to characters. (No major spoilers)

I'd like to start with the "Magnificent Three" - three students that are loved by everyone in this academy.

Fan's favourite is Rei Asaka (or as they say «Saint-Juste-Sama»).

I didn't really like her at first sight, as she seemed as someone who's feigning her coolness and recklessness (I'm too used to such stereotypical characters in anime). But actually, when they started telling us more about her story, showing her problems with mental health (an unusual thing for manga from 70s), her values and ideas, she started becoming more and more interesting as a person. She's probably not my favourite, but after watching the whole thing, I can say that her problems and her relationship with Miya were the main and the only thing that made me watch the whole anime. At some point I started emphasising with her and "cheering her on" through the screen whenever she was about to do something.

P. S. Rei's also a talented musician, can play different musical instruments. That's great!

And I can't omit the fact that she's the meaning of the word AESTHETICS

Miya-sama or Fukiko Ichinomiya. She's the leader of "Sorority", which is a club for elite. I don't have much to say about her apart from that she's undoubtedly a rather bad person, who's quite cruel, yet I couldn't really start hating Miya for that because I emphasised with her too, especially at the end of the series. But that's just probably me because seemingly everyone hates her :D

And Kaoru, or Kaoru-no-Kimi. My favorite :')

She's straightforward, has different ideas about life than others in this school, she also solves everyone's problems (I literally started calling her problem-solver at some point) and fights stereotypes. A good friend, a good student, an awesome athlete...

Nanako is a really kind person, a good friend as well, and incredibly empathetic. She's a good main character, as she's not here just "for the record", but definitely has a personality (and I found her backstory to be very interesting). The fact that she's a narrator also makes her unusual. Her family and relationship with them is superb too :')

Mariko is the one who most of us would understand the most, as she's not a perfect friend or a perfect person, even though she's on "good side" and is Nanako's friend, but she's quite realistic and has lots of negative traits. That doesn't make her bad, though. I'd call her morally neutral, as, opposite to Nanako, she doesn't really care about others and says phrases like "Why do you care about her? You should think about yourself only".

(P.S. can someone explain what polish on her fingernails mean. I'm sure that her having only her thumb varnished should mean something)

I also want to mention that even minor rivals of Nanako turn out to be humane. This anime attempts to show grey morality, which is praiseworthy.

My personal applause for portraying Rei and Kaoru as well-educated, talented and clever students who love reading. You know, it's unusual for new animes, as in them "bad guys" that are "cool" are usually the ones that everyone in schools like, but not the ones like these girls. That makes me sad(

What can I say about plot? Well, obviously, it's not very complicated, as it's a drama about school, but the anime certainly has some HUGE plot twists. (For some people the first one was that Rei was not a guy :D) Oniisama e generally has that nostalgic, soft and breezy atmosphere, but don't get mistaken: it brings up many serious subjects. This anime makes you want to analyse and try to understand characters' feelings, to understand why they make particular decisions or what led them to behaving that way.

I also love the music in the show. Creators pay a lot of attention to it. Some melodies are super emotional, some set the mood. M-8 which Rei always plays is cool, but my favourite one is M-10, Miya's theme. Incredibly intense.

And the reason why many decided to watch it is that Oniisama e is so aesthetically pleasing!

The ending may be a bit disappointing. Personally, I started missing everything that had happened throughout the series at the end of the last episode. Not sure it was the thing that creators intended to do, but here we are. The rest of the anime was cool, especially its middle part. It will seem boring for those who prefer action-oriented anime (well, that's probably obvious).

To sum up, I recommend that anime to those who like old art style and vibes of old animes, those who, like me, used to read something similar and those who want to see some intense drama with shoujo ai elements and maybe cry a bit (or cry your eyes out if you're rather sensitive). Nevertheless, it's going to be an interesting experience for everyone.

P. S. I'm going to make another post with spoilers describing my thoughts on this anime and then a set of icons. Because it's literally full of mesmerising shots.

[northwestofinsanity]

Trying something by request on my Supertramp post...

The "In the Beginning" story Soundtrack:

Three things before I get to it: -Honestly, in a month or so from now, I could randomly hear a song I don't have here and think it would fit perfectly, but this list includes songs I have always considered soundtrack since I wrote it, or for at least half a year at this time. -Yes, I'll consider doing this for other stories. This one is just easy to experiment with it here, because it's already been completed for some time, and it's not as emotionally complicated as some. -Sometimes I'll be heavily inspired by songs of the actual bands involved, but sometimes, I'll be inspired by bands with little to no relation. Winger doesn't exist in the timeline of this story, so none of their songs are involved, and surprisingly, none of Alice's songs are, either. 1) "Nervous" by The Moody Blues. This actually goes for most of my Winger stories where Reb is a main protagonist. In fact, as unlikely as it seems to anyone who didn't grow up on The Moodies, the first chapter got its title from this song. It very much applies in cases where Reb and Kip are apart in the late 90s, or in this case, have yet to form a bond, and Reb is losing riffs and struggling to find his way on his own. 2) "A Man I'll Never Be" Boston. Implied, and to a lesser extent to other songs on this list. I apply this song to a lot of characters who have a struggle living up to the expectations of someone in their life. In the first half of the second chapter, it's definitely a thing for Reb with his conversation with his father -but I'd say it applies far less to Reb than other rock stars I've portrayed with it, like Steve Clark. 3) "Bloody Well Right" by Supertramp. Goes a lot for the end of the second chapter, and the entirety of the third. Kip and Reb haven't figured each other out yet, they had a verbal clash, and they're both off in their own pissy moods trying to figure out what comes next. (Reb is frustrated that he has all these problems despite having been a star student in music school, and that nothing Kip has suggested is helpful to him so far. Feeling defensive, he indeed wants Kip to "shut his face", and while Kip doesn't want to talk bad of Reb, he's "bloody got a right" to complain to Alice about what just happened.) 4) "From the Beginning" -Dokken version (originally by ELP; choosing the Dokken version because A: slower and more pensive feeling, B: the connections Winger and Dokken have). This song was in my head when I came up with the main title of the story. I think it goes best with Chapter 4, which is the heart of the story plot, as it's where Kip and Reb really begin to work out their misunderstandings. Nobody meant to be unkind even if they came off that way. Kip wasn't blind to Reb's troubles as Reb first perceived him. They've both said some things they regret, and it's probably going to keep them up the night after their talk, but they can't take it back now, so it all falls to their ability to forgive and move on, and it so happens that they will, because they were "meant to be here", as all the lyrics suggest. 5) "Don't Look Back" by Boston. This song may be one of my crutches for optimistic scenes, but the breakthrough in the fifth chapter. The dawn is arriving on a solution to the problems here, and neither Kip, nor Reb want to go back to where they were before they sorted out their initial differences. 6) "Souvenirs" by Dan Fogelberg. Okay, *hear me out*, because at first listen, this is gonna be the hardest to justify, when it's not one of Dan's deep-cuts that proved he could rock out when he wanted to... and because it's slow and soft, it might not be what the average metal-head is used to hearing. We have lyrics about random-found trinkets the protagonist remembers parts of life -old places and people by. The slow instrumental behind everything, from the time I listened to this song first at the age of six -before I could even comprehend these lyrics -has always given the vibe of looking at black-and-white photo montages of old, written letters (or maybe this was my mind connecting the song to the

Civil War documentaries my dad always had on back around that time, but I digress). It makes a sleepy, nostalgic feeling to the whole thing. Then, in Chapter 6, Reb gets the letter from Kip with the track recorder -which is not only a souvenir in its own right, but something to also help Reb remember his riffs in Kip's absence. As the chorus of this song suggests, this is a pretty emotional event -and Dan's music can be pretty deep (someone who's never heard of him before tell me if growing up on his music is why I have this instinctive need to write angst!) Reb goes to sleep with this track recorder beneath his pillow and feels more relaxed than he has in some time, and the tune itself fits the chapter's end in the piano through the second half, and the gentle, vocal harmonies on the fadeout. 7) "Telephone Line" by ELO. By the seventh chapter, Kip's on the road getting his first taste of heavy-touring life, and while he and Reb are pretty good at planning up calls, it is a challenge, and it's a bit of a downer that their breaks aren't lining up so that they can see each other. Reb's also getting more frustrated, still being stuck in the loop of barely managing to live on session-work. 8) "Get Me Out Of Here" by John Lodge. (This was a new song when I wrote this in 2017. It's a solo-album track from the same member of The Moodies who sang "Nervous"!) Most of the eighth chapter goes without a soundtrack, as it's me spewing my nerdy-jargon from all the medical courses I've taken, and the first half is just utter chaos. As Kip's coming around in the hospital -and past dealing with the worst of the post-anesthesia symptoms, he's getting stir crazy to get out and find out what comes next. Meanwhile, trapped back at his apartment, Reb is verging on a nervous breakdown, getting nowhere with his efforts of finding new sessions and unable to reach Kip while not knowing why. (Waiting to be contacted after a working interview for my job last year after being trapped in my house, I found new appreciation for both this chapter, and this song). -I do not have an official song for the last chapter. It's honestly very open-ended, so it's hard to fit any one song to it. I can say, "Don't Look Back" could be a reprise here as Kip and Reb are set to go on to form Winger... I've also always liked the short, instrumental by Boston "A New World" that could capture all the anticipation in thirty seconds with no words... and at the time of writing it, I had "Big Talk" by Warrant stuck in my head. It doesn't really fit in what it's about, but Reb and Kip did indeed end up "backing it up" in terms of saying they'd have their own projects someday. Reader's choice on that call.

[maticide666]

my eurovision top 39 songs (finally)

anyway i finally got my top 39 completed. under a read more because it can get kinda long with the commentary i added klfdja;sflk (and by that i mean VERY long, maybe a wall of text if i have a lot to say about the song.)

none of this takes rehearsals into account.

basically, 39-37 i don't like, 36-35 are meh, 34-25 are decent, 24-18 are good, 17-12 i enjoy listening to a lot, 11-4 i love, and I would pay for votes for top 3 if i could.

39. Azerbaijan - Efendi - Mata Hari - Honestly, I kinda want to like this song. The instrumentation is nice, especially with the Azeri instruments. Efendi's vocals are ok during the verses. However, her vocals during the MA-MA-MA-MATA HARI part makes this song utterly unlistenable for me. It is just so distracting and ear-grating. Not great for my sensitive ears. And that is without taking anything else into account.

38. Estonia - Uku Suviste - The Lucky One - For some reason reminds me of a boring modern country song. Bland af. At least the melody of the chorus is nice.

37. Cyprus - Elena Tsagrinou - El Diablo - Discount Lady Gaga at the best points of this song. Feels like three songs at once. Also, the lyrics seem like they just went all "What Spanish-sounding words sound spicy? Taco? Tamale? Mamacita?" As a Spanish speaker and as someone of Mexican descent who enjoys those foods, this annoys the living shit out of me. At least I can make El Diablo/Fallen Angel memes out of this. (Honestly, I don't mind the gratuitous Spanish with the words El Diablo.) Also, this song got real old real quick.

36. Slovenia - Ana Soklič - Amen - The gospel vibe is nice, but there is just too much Christianity in it for me to enjoy this song. Sorry, Ana.

35. Moldova - Natalia Gordienko - Sugar - Sounds like a sugary version of Siren Song by MARUV. Kinda boring, but enjoyable in the right circumstances.

34. Georgia - Tornike Kipiani - You - Good to listen to when mind feels blank. At first I kinda liked this song, but nowadays this song has lost its charm. This won't sound out of place alongside boring 70s slow classic rock songs.

33. Austria - Vincent Bueno - Amen - Not something I would listen to regularly, but still nice. For me, easily the biggest downgrade from 2020.

32. Greece - Stefania - Last Dance - Pleasant to listen to, not much else.

31. Portugal - The Black Mamba - Love Is On My Side - Good song, but not my cup of tea. Unfortunately, some great songs have to be near the bottom of my ranking.

30. Germany - Jendrik - I Don't Feel Hate - A fun song to listen to. The novelty wears off after a while. The feel good vibes and ukulele are nice.

29. Israel - Eden Alene - Set Me Free - the song release version was bland and boring, but the revamp. Now THAT is good stuff. The song doesn't seem so empty anymore. I miss the key change from the original, though.

28. Spain - Blas Cantó - Voy A Quedarme - A very emotional and beautiful song from Spain. Again, not usually my cup of tea. However, the melody somehow gives me a nostalgic vibe.

27. North Macedonia - Vasil - Here I Stand - DAMN Vasil has a lovely voice. Nice that he's showing it off here. Too slow of a song for me to enjoy regularly, though.

26. Albania - Anxhela Peristeri - Karma - I don't have much to say other than this song is nice.

25. Bulgaria - VICTORIA - Growing Up Is Getting Old - Pleasant to listen to, but depending on my mood I think this is a beautiful song but not my cup of tea or a complete snoozefest.

24. Serbia - Hurricane - Loco Loco - Fun song, but it feels like something is lacking, and I can't quite put my finger on it.

23. San Marino - Senhit - Adrenalina - Once the initial hype from Flo Rida being on the song died down, this became another typical Eurovision bop.

22. Sweden - Tusse - Voices - At first I thought the song was completely unremarkable and couldn't understand how this won Melodifestivalen. Nowadays it's a nice song to chill to. I gotta respect a perfect televote score from the national final.

21. Ireland - Lesley Roy - MAPS - nice.

20. Croatia - Albina - Tick Tock - Grew on me slightly. Shoutout for including a verse in Croatian.

19. Switzerland - Gjon's Tears - Tout l'Univers - Another grower for me. Doesn't hit as hard as his song from last year, but I dig it.

18. France - Barbara Pravi - Voilà - Lovely chanson right here. I wish it didn't take forever to pick up, though. I was about to completely give up on this song in the middle of my first listen. I'm glad I didn't.

17. Belgium - Hooverphonic - The Wrong Place - Classy. Not much else to say.

16. Ukraine - Go-A - Shum - I'd definitely go rave to this song. I kept finding this song hard to rank due to the white voice. I couldn't decide if I absolutely adored it or if I found it grating. Maybe I just wasn't feeling well when I first thought about it.

15. Lithuania - The Roop - Discoteque - Lots of fun, doesn't have the charm that On Fire had last year. I would dance to this song.

14. Poland - RAFAŁ - The Ride - I actually kinda like this song???? Even with Rafal's vocals??? I know he has political controversies, but I can't help but think this song is nice. A better, less controversial singer would benefit this song, though. I'm not counting the revamp just yet since it was released too recently.

13. Latvia - Samanta Tīna - The Moon Is Rising - This song gives me nostalgic mid to late 2000s hip hop vibes. The guitars in this song are lovely.

12. Romania - ROXEN - Amnesia - Definitely something that can put me in a trance if I'm in the right mood.

11. Czechia - Benny Cristo - omaga - Nice, catchy, I would dance to this.

10. Malta - Destiny - Je Me Casse - Damn, Destiny has a lovely voice! And the song itself is wonderful. I'm not a fan of the amount of Swedish talent being used instead of Maltese talent, but I really do enjoy listening to this.

9. Denmark - Fyr og Flamme - Øve Os På Hinanden - another really fun song! This really grew on me. Nowadays if I want to listen to a Eurovision song, this is one of the first songs I think of.

8. The Netherlands - Jeangu Macrooy - Birth of a New Age - I can vibe with this. You can hear the passion in this song. I wish I could let my body do the talking right now, but y'all can't see that with just a tumblr text post.

7. Russia - Manizha - Russian Woman - I was NOT expecting this to come out of Russia when it won the national final. I wasn't expecting to like this either. The message is great, the instrumental is great, everything about this is brilliant.

6. United Kingdom - James Newman - Embers - A funky song. I LOVE James's voice. Massive upgrade from last year in my opinion. I'm a sucker for brass in an upbeat song. Unfortunately, I have had the staging kinda spoiled and I am VERY skeptical about this coming out of bottom five. I'm done with the BBC.

5. Australia - Montaigne - Technicolour - There is a Lot happening in this song and I am all in for it. I'm kinda terrible at parsing lyrics, but it's a non-issue when I can follow Montaigne's voice and forget about the lyrics. Ironically enough, it's Montaigne's voice that also worries me this Eurovision season - mostly whether she was able to pull off her live on tape performance off.

4. Iceland - Daði og Gagnamagnið - 10 Years - I didn't think Daði could pull it off against this year, but he did it. I like this just a little more than Think About Things, which was my favorite song last year. I'm still a little gutted that this pandemic robbed him of a probable victory, but I've made peace with it. I still need to learn the dance moves, though.

3. Italy - Måneskin - Zitti E Buoni - FUCK YEAH A KICKASS ROCK SONG IN EUROVISION! This song gave me massive rock en español vibes on my fist listen, and honestly this is something I would bang my head to if I had the same body I did when I was 15.

2. Norway - TIX - Fallen Angel - I was not expecting to like this song much, let alone becoming THIS obsessed with TIX. In fact, he wasn't even on my radar for winning MGP. I listened to Ut Av Mørket for the first time and thought something like 'this is boring af, but at least it's in Norwegian'. And then he changed it to English, which I wasn't a fan of at first. And then one day the lyrics clicked - especially with my own struggles with mental illness. To this day this is one of only two Eurovision songs to actually make me cry. Even now he still isn't my MGP winner (that honor goes to JORN), but he has definitely won my heart.

1. Finland - Blind Channel - Dark Side - To say that this song kicks ass would be an understatement for me. This song has just the right mix of rock, pop, and even metal. Ever since I found out that this song would be in the national final, I knew that it would be my favorite this whole Eurovision season regardless of who won UMK. Yes, my jaw dropped when I saw the lead Blind Channel had in UMK. I literally cancelled my plans to watch the MGP final live because of these guys. I am not disappointed. Even Måneskin couldn't bring these guys down in my ranking. And while the lyrics might be a bit iffy, they did get me through rough times. I hope these guys are able to bring rock music back like they want to. But for now, I will give them my (useless tbh) douze points.

[ghostboybabies]

little ghost boy || Reggie [JATP Agere/CGLRE Story]- “Now or Never”(Prologue)

A/N: so...this fandom doesn't have agere content, hmm? I shall create the first. This is also my first work in the fandom, so please be nice! This isn't Ageplay, or De-aging, or DDLB (with the kinks, they're minors? uh.. that'd be gross.) If you don't understand Age Regression, or the terms used by the CGLRE community, you might want to learn a little about all that before reading through this. Hope you enjoy! -- The boy had died, and somehow ended up spending 25 years in some dark room. Changes were happening quickly, and the others seemed to move on before he had the chance to process any of it. So maybe he needed a way to cope with the whole...being dead thing. And maybe that way was rather childish. But it helped? And plus, he was pretty cute when he got like that. He didn't realize there was a name for it until recently, and now everything seemed to make sense. He was just a little ghost boy.

A/N: Hey! I'm writing what I believe is the FIRST ever agere story for this fandom! so, please be nice! as the chapters go on, Reggie will discover his headspace more and more, because the main plot is self discovery and learning to trust his friends with a vulnerable part of himself. So the start is kinda slow, but bare with me! Lmk if you enjoy it and give feedback please!

-Apple

Here’s the link to “Now or Never”, if you wanna listen while reading bc this is technically a song fic. 

--

One, two, three, four!

The quick noise of two drum sticks crashing together four times rung throughout the studio just before the sounds of instruments collided together as the song began, and the first lines that they knew to well were sung aloud

Take off! Last stop, countdown 'til we blast open the top...

Reggie could never get this song out of his head. It was the last song he preformed before he died. The last song he got to play his bass to while he still had a heartbeat. It hurt to play it again.

But doing things that may hurt you is brave. And bravery can bring you great things.

Face first, full charge. Electric hammer to the heart!

Reggie and Alex started singing in sync with Luke, screaming the lyrics into their microphones like this was going to be their last time ever singing. It almost felt like it was.

Clocks move forward, but we don't get older. No....

The three of them were stuck as seventeen year olds forever, and it felt weird. Being forced to pause and stay in one state of maturity forever was weird. And it felt like things that happened in their past was starting to catch up to them.

Kept on climbing, 'til our stars collided...

And Reggie's past was complicated. Even after death, trauma doesn't disappear. Their singing was full of emotion, because this was hard for them. No one was forcing them to sing this song, they were just in the studio.

And yet, they were screaming a song they thought they'd never hear again, all three of them holding back tears. Tears of anger, tears of nostalgia. But the moment they were reminded of what they had now, everything that death eventually lead them too, those tears would dry.

And all the times we fell behind, were just the keys to paradise

Don't look down, cause we're still rising up right now...

Reggie liked what he had now. He had new friends! Julie, Willie, Carlos, Ray... Though those last two we're definitely a bit one sided. He cared about them, though. He cared about everyone so much, he always had good intentions when it came to the people he loved.

He was a little oblivious, but he had a heart of gold.

And even if we hit the ground, we'll still fly

Keep dreaming like we'll live forever, but live it like it's now or never!

Sometimes, things felt like now or never. Reggie worried about what choices to make, whether or not he should take certain risks. He was constantly afraid of losing opportunities, or messing up what he had. Maybe that's why he constantly had the urge to apologize for every little thing.

Because he couldn't handle the thought that someone he cares about might be mad at him. He couldn't stand the idea of losing somebody, because he already lost everything all at once twenty five years ago.

Hear the noise, in my head. It's calling out like a voice I can't forget.

One life, no regrets..

The only thing he didn't lose when he died was his band mates. His family.

The people that were there for him when he needed it most, were still there for him. And he couldn't thank them more then he already has for that.

Catch up, got no time to catch my breath.

Everything felt like it was going so fast sometimes. Changes took place, back to back, and nothing ever stopped. Sometimes, it felt like they couldn't catch a breath. But Reggie had found a way to cope with change, with the things he felt, and the childhood he never got to experience.

Even if that way was rather...childish.

Alex and Reggie started singing again, and by now, Alex was tearing up as he sang aloud. Their voices rang throughout the studio.

Clocks move faster 'cause it's all we're after now....

Won't stop climbing, 'cause this is our time, yeah

They kept singing, emotions ringing through their voice as they screamed out the lyrics.

When all the days felt black and white, those were the best shades of my life!

Don't look down, 'cause we're still rising up right now. And even if we hit the ground...

We'll still fly. Keep dreaming like we'll live forever, but live it like it's now or never.

Maybe they decided to preform this because of what today was. Another birthday passing was just another reminder that they weren't aging. Another reminder that they were dead.

Today was Reggie's birthday, and he didn't know how to feel about that. It wasn't like anything changed. He didn't feel older. If anything, he felt dumb for not maturing.

He felt smaller.

We ain't searching for tomorrow...

Tomorrow

'Cause we got all we need today

Today

Reggie replied to Alex's short solos by echoing him, glancing back at the drummer and locking eyes with him as their voices surrounded them. Filling the area with a nostalgic and bittersweet feeling.

Living on a feeling that's been running through our veins

We're the revolution that's been singing in the rain...

Reggie proudly sang his solo line, listening as the other two joined in. Even if they were dead, this felt right. Playing together, with these boys who he's known since middle school, was exactly what he wanted to do. And now he had Julie too, who he didn't meet until more recently, but he cared about her just as much.

Don't look down. 'Cause we're still rising up right now

And even if we hit the ground, we'll still fly

Keep dreaming like we'll live forever, but live it like it's now or never....

Their music seemed to sway around the room, the emotion of the environment shifting from bittersweet to hopeful. They were talented, and they all loved each other.

What else could they want?

It's now or never!

Now or never.....

Nothing. All they needed was love, and their music, and they'd figure out the rest.

They could trust each other with anything.

But sometimes, like when Reggie was hold back a huge...or rather, little secret, it suddenly became easy to forget that.

He'd remember soon enough.

[jiwonscologne]

Love is a Triangle

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - ?Part 5?

Pairing: Double B x Reader

Genre: Angst, slight fluff, smut suggestion

Warning: swearing, mentions of cheating

 We decided to visit a little fair on their day off. It was a Thursday and the weather was very pleasing, not too hot and not too cold, just on point. Hanbin won two plushies for me and when Jiwon saw that he was so good at those shooting and hitting games, he got competitive and started to play too, which was extremely funny because I watched him get cocky because of our boyfriend and I won one more plushie. We stopped by a food truck on our way out of the marketplace. Hanbin ordered for all of us, and mine and his order were made first. We both got out of the line since there were a lot of people around the truck, and we waited for Jiwon. When he was about to come in our direction, a girl approached him and he widened his eyes and parted his lips, static. I couldn’t hear anything but I didn’t like the way she was smiling nor the way he was reacting to her words. I knew right away that wasn’t a fan. Hanbin saw it too and he widened his eyes just like Jiwon did when he saw her. I am right, they know  her.

 - Who is she? - I look at Hanbin.

 - That’s...Myung-Hee. His first love. - His answer hit like a needle on my chest. Not just what he said, the way he said it concerned me the most. I’m worried since I’ve heard her name before from his mouth, when he told me how Jiwon had such a hard time on forgetting about her. We talked about brief moments on the ‘first love topic’ and everyone knows our first love is the one who stays in your heart forever, the one you can’t erase because it’s our first experience with love itself, which makes it so special. It’s normal but if the ending is bad...that stays, and stinks. Jiwon had that bad luck.

 - What is she doing here? - I ask, innocently and with a firm, slightly threatening voice.

 - Why don’t you ask him? - Hanbin smiles poorly at Jiwon finding our way back to us with a rushed pace.

 - Hey. Here’s my food. - He smiles, raising his fish cake, and we start walking to go home.

 I want to talk, even though I’m waiting for him to speak without making me ask. Hanbin and I create a suffocating silence and he finally breaks it. - I know you saw it. - He looks at us but we limit ourselves by watching our steps. - And I’m shocked like you. She’s...I don’t know why she’s here, I thought she was living in Australia. I didn’t even know what to say to her when I saw her.

 - But, she did know what to say to you. - I insinuate.

 - Yeah...

 - What did she say? - Hanbin faces him.

 - She asked how I was doing and she told me sometimes she checks on me when I’m trending on social media.

 I nod. I feel so powerless. I know he’s going to think about her the rest of the week now. I know I’m going to, too. Why did she appear again? Why did she talk to him? Doesn’t she understand how much she hurt him back then? It’s unbelievable how we forget about someone and they come back to remind us.

 Jiwon told us how she had to check that it was him before she approached him since “he changed so much” after six years. I mean, duh, what did she expect? Hanbin asked how he was feeling after seeing her and Jiwon answered he was nostalgic and surprised.

 I had some questions myself, yet I kept quiet until we got home and had some privacy.

 - Summer, you’ve been silent all the way home. Are you okay? - Jiwon anticipates.

 - The reason you broke up… - I want to complete my sentence however he does it for me.

 - Was because I loved her more than she loved me. I told you that.

 - Yes, although...did she cheat on you with the other guy?

 - The other guy she started dating after me?

 - Yes.

 - You know...I wasted two years of my life asking me all kinds of questions about our relationship. Like you right now, I didn’t understand what she said to me. When she was breaking up with me, she told me and I quote “...my love for you has faded. I can tell you still love me and I could always tell that you’ve always loved me more than I loved you. And I once told you that your expectations were too high to see the truth. I told you that I wasn’t who you saw but eventually you convinced me to love you, but that’s over now.”  With this, you can go on various paths of thoughts. I thought she was cheating on me too, but maybe she wasn’t. She was right, I was blind on my love for her. I ignored all the times she could’ve supported me and she chose not to. I loved her with everything I had and it was clearly a mistake because she didn’t do the same for me.

 - Ji… - I hug him and he chuckles.

 - It’s okay, it happens. I was young, it’s water under the bridge.

 - Is it? - Hanbin asks.

 - Yes. I love you now, the past doesn’t matter. This made me find you guys and I’m grateful for that.

 - I love you. You know that we love you equally, right? - I make sure he hears it.

 - Yes, bae. I never doubted you. - That answer made me instantly in a better mood.

 - Now that we’re done with this conversation, Chanwoo invited us to go bowling tonight. - Hanbin takes his phone out of the pocket. - What do I answer?

 - Tell him no! - Jiwon startles me with the exclamation.

 - Why? - I raise my eyebrow.

 - This is our first day-off in months and he wants to hang out like we don’t see him everyday? - Jiwon rolls his eyes.

 - Babe, that’s kind of harsh. Don’t you think? - Hanbin says, surprised by his comment. - Besides, it’s with Jinhwan and Junhoe, too.

 - It’s not harsh, I’m just saying I’d prefer to be with my partners today.

 - Okay, that’s fine. - I say. I give Hanbin a look to leave Jiwon alone for a little bit.

 - Alright, I’ll tell him we can’t go. - Hanbin texts Chanwoo and goes to our bedroom.

 He said he’s fine but he’s clearly affected by meeting her again. I don’t blame him, he knows that we’re here for him. I just wish she hadn’t shown up on our lives.

 - I have to stop by the broadcasting station to do something. See you later.

 - What? I thought we would spend the whole day together. - Jiwon turns to me.

 - We still have many hours left when I get back. We can eat dinner and watch a movie after I finish it.

 - Hm, okay, but give me a kiss before you go. - I lean at him on the couch to reach his lips. - Hanbin I’m gonna head out! - I scream. He comes running to the hall, now with his sweatpants instead of his jeans.

 - What? You’re leaving?

 - I need to do some work, I’ll be back before dinner.

 - No… - He says lowly.

 - Bye baby. - I kiss him and get out.

 I choose to drive myself to work instead of calling our driver. It will take less time and I just want to finish it as soon as possible.

 Fortunately I had to do this, because after I saw her, she’s the only thing in my mind and I have to distract myself, otherwise I’ll go crazy. The way this is affecting Jiwon is worrying me: Answering without thinking and then being clingy with us. It’s like he’s frustrated with others but trying to compensate it with giving us attention. It’s probably his manner to tell us we have nothing to worry about and that he loves us so we don’t need to be jealous. It won’t work, but at least it’s kind of cute to see how he cares about our feelings. He’s so selfless sometimes…

 I finish everything in time for dinner. When I get home, Jiwon is cooking and Hanbin is setting the table.

 - Welcome home! - They greet me.

 - It smells good. - I direct myself to the kitchen.

 - It’s done, let’s eat. - Jiwon turns the stove off and takes the two pans to the table.

 - Did you do a broadcast today? We didn’t turn the radio on. - Hanbin grabs a full spoon of kimchi rice.

 - You know I don’t talk in them, I just prepare the songs.

 - I know, but I like to see everything that you do.

 - You’re so lame sometimes. - I laugh.

 - I’m in love. - He’s right. Hanbin’s first loves are me and Jiwon. He says things like these because he never said it to someone before, he never experienced this, it’s a fresh love, a new emotion to him. Sometimes that scares me.

 The rest of the week passes by smoothly. iKON is preparing for their comeback and I’m working harder since a lot of people on my job are on vacation so I have to broadcast full night sessions because no one will be there to entertain the listeners with conversation.

 I’m grabbing my coffee after work, which means it’s 6:45 pm. I stop by a newsstand to see if it has the monthly magazine that I read yet, since it’s the beginning of the month, but instead, I read something that catches me by surprise. I have to check it three times before I believe it. I look at the picture, yet my heart is telling me it’s not true. As soon as I notice the owner of the place is about to recognize me, I cover my face and walk away in a fast pace.

                                                                                                              9:43 am

 - Bobby, you have to be careful. I’m warning you, I don’t want something like this to happen again. Don’t make yourself frowned upon, you’re a good guy. - The YG CEO says.

 - Yes, I’m sorry, sir. I won’t. - Jiwon leaves the office and goes back to the room where the iKon members are working at, which is chaotic with loud whispers and hand gestures: 

 “I don’t know how he thought he wouldn’t get caught.”

 Jiwon sees Jinhwan doing a facepalm.

 “Shut up now, he’s coming!”

 As soon as he enters, the chaos turns to a tense and awkward silence.

 When Jiwon looks at Hanbin, he has a death glare on his face that Jiwon only sees when Hanbin is super annoyed. That’s how he knows he messed up. However, he composes himself together. - Okay, let’s get to work. - He joins his hands together and the group prepares themselves.

 Donghyuk plays the song so they can practice. The movements are slow at the beginning and there’s no trouble until the song grows and Hanbin goes in front of the mirror to watch them dance.

 - Junhoe, keep going. - He says, and after that notices Jiwon isn’t doing it right. - Jiwon, slow down. - He does as told, but then he goes off beat again and his movements don’t match with the rest of the group. - Jiwon. - He calls him out once more.

 He sighs and tries again.

 - Jiwon, I told you to slow down, can’t you hear the rhythm? - Hanbin’s annoyed.

 - I’m sorry. - He apologizes, staring at his feet.

 - Do you want to play it again? - Junhoe asks.

 - Yes please. - They do and Jiwon is out of focus once again. It’s understandable since he was just scolded at, but Hanbin loses his patience. - I know you’re not listening to the song. Can you try to focus? We’re having trouble because of you.

 - I can’t. - Jiwon is static and frustrated.

 - You can, we’ve practiced this dance a million times.

 - Should I stop playing it? - The song keeps playing and Junhoe sees everyone stopped because of them two.

 - No, let’s continue, Jiwon just do it again. - Hanbin seems careless.

 - I told you I can’t right now. Please listen to me. - Jiwon’s sad voice is getting strict.

 - Guys, maybe we should come back later. - Jinhwan realizes the fight is becoming personal and wants to step back.

 - You can’t but you have to, we’re working. - Hanbin keeps his figure.

 - Please let me talk to you first.

 - We’re practicing, we’re group mates right now, this is not the place to talk, we’ll talk at home. - Hanbin reminds him of their situation. - You’ve been keeping this secret since last week, can’t you wait a little longer? - Hanbin starts to get worked up.

 - Look Hanbin, I’m sorry! - He gets closer to him and the boys watch them quietly. - I’m sorry, alright? - He says, loud.

 - We should go, come on. - Yunhyeong whispers and they discreetly leave the room.

 - Why didn’t you tell us you were having lunch with her? - Hanbin shoots.

 - I...didn’t want you to be worried. I knew you would be like this. I knew it!

 - Of course I would react like this, she’s your ex! Worse, she’s your first love. You know what that means and I know it too, I’m feeling it right now! - Hanbin yells. - Just tell me what were you thinking when you didn’t tell us you were meeting her again. Tell me how could you make me find out this way. - Hanbin rambles. - I knew something was up yesterday! I knew it! You avoided me and looked the other way all morning and when I asked where you were when lunch time came, nobody knew where you were! They thought you were with Donghyuk but then he appeared so I thought “oh, maybe he forgot something at home”. - Hanbin looks him in the eyes waiting for a regretful answer.

 - I didn’t know you were going to find out this way, I didn’t see any paparazzi. I was going to tell you…- Jiwon’s calm and failing voice is irritating Hanbin.

 - You were going to tell me when? These people are everywhere so these things happen! They want society to see our flaws! Oh God, Jiwon. - Hanbin starts walking back and forth.  - Do you know what I thought this morning when I heard this? I didn’t believe it, I didn’t believe someone could be that dumb, seriously, Donghyuk had to show me the picture so I could see you two were really together. You know you’re on the papers, right? Social media too. I guess you know that, considering the CEO talked to you. - Hanbin looks at him. - Jesus, you realize Summer probably saw it too? She works with the media, Jiwon. On the fucking radio. And if she didn’t see it yet, she will.

 - I know...do you think she really saw it? - Jiwon’s guilt is growing and his face is sadder. - She will think I cheated on her...and on you… - Hanbin covers his face, concerned. Jiwon sighs and starts crying. - What do I do…? - Hanbin subtly looks at him.

 - Babe you can still call her. Maybe she didn’t see it, I mean, it came to us first because it’s about you. It’s YG’s business.

 - But it’s everywhere, like you said, if she didn’t see it, she will. Besides, I don’t want to do this over the phone. - Jiwon runs his fingers through his hair. - Oh God. - He gets up, wondering around, lost.

 Someone of the staff knocks on the door to warn them to continue the schedule. Jiwon wipes his tears off.

 - We’ll talk better at home. - Hanbin grabs Jiwon’s shoulder.

                                                                                                                 7:03 pm

 I get home, alone, devastated by the news I kept overthinking on the car. The moment I drop my keys in the little plate, I let my body sink in the couch and I wait for them. I turn the TV on but I don’t pay attention to even what channel I’m watching. I limit on calming myself down so when they get here, I don’t seem too upset since I want to understand what Jiwon has to say. About an hour and a few minutes later, I hear the door open and the tinkling of the keys along with some whispers. They get to the living room and I welcome them, getting up off the couch.

 - How was your day, baby? - They give me a kiss on a cheek.

 - Good.  - I answer. - How was yours?

 - Wait, you don’t want to specify what you did? - Jiwon says, slightly nervous.

 - No, it was a normal day. - I fake my answer. - How was your day?

 Hanbin gives Jiwon a look so he can go ahead and tell me. - We...worked! - Jiwon smiles.

 - Oh. - I fake a smile.

 - Yeah...but Summer, I have to tell you something. - He gulps and takes my hand to sit us down. - Last week, when I saw Myung-Hee, she later on Friday asked me to have lunch with her yesterday...so I did. I just wanted to know how she was doing and maybe be in peace with her on my head. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys, I clearly paid for it this morning. Everyone is upset at me on the company and they’re right, I wasn’t careful and I didn’t think.

 - “Be in peace with her” ? - Hanbin whispers in an irritated voice.

 - I know. You didn’t. - They look at me, confused. - I know everything. - I nod. - I read it on a magazine after work. I didn’t know till I got my coffee. I know what you’re thinking, I don’t usually drink coffee at that time but today I did, and now I wish I didn’t. It’s funny how things work.

 - Summer, I’m sorry. I feel so bad, are you upset? - His concerned face surfaces.

 - I’m upset you hid this from us. How could you? You lied to us, Jiwon. Let me ask you, if it wasn’t out by the paparazzis, were you going to tell us at all?

 - I was. Yesterday. - He looks away.

 - Oh really? Because I don’t recall you telling me this yesterday.

 - I… - He stutters. - Hanbin was tired and when we got home I couldn’t just…

 - So you waited for the magazines to do it for you? - I pop a senseless question.

 - I didn’t know there were magazines in the first place!

 - Oh then next time, when you meet her again, make sure, yeah? - I cross my arms and I get up, looking to the other side of the room.

 - Baby… - Jiwon reaches for me and tries to hug me but I push him away. - I’m not going to meet her again. - He grabs my arms and looks at me.

 - Like I could believe you after you lied. - I look away.

 - He’s not. - Hanbin finally breaks his silence.

 - How do you know? Why are you so quiet? - I start shooting questions against him. - You knew about this, didn’t you? - Hanbin frowns by my question. - You boys always exclude me from everything. Just because I’m not with you all day like you two are.

 - Summer, you know that’s not true! And I didn’t know! I found out when the staff asked how I was doing after “the Bobby thing”. I was clueless. I felt exactly like you did but it was this morning! You have to understand I had all day to think about this.

 I feel my eyes get watery and it’s not long until tears start running down my cheeks. He’s right, my feelings are more fresh, my anger is building up and I’m being jealous for every little thing I can find.

 - Baby. - Jiwon calls me, worried and regretful.

 - I’m sorry, Bin. - I wipe my tears. - It was probably harder for you. - I recognize my mistake to judge him. - Could you work today at all? Everyone was probably asking you all sorts of questions or giving you looks. - I get concerned.

 - Yes, they were. - Jiwon watches us talk. - But I had to pretend everything was okay so we could keep the schedule going. I admit in the morning we fought, but we’re talking better here with you at home.

 - Babes, listen to me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you trouble.

 - Jiwon you have to understand you didn’t put just you at risk. You put you, me, Summer and  iKON. - He enumerates the amount of people with his fingers. - You saw how difficult it was to practice today. I know I said this already but you were so dumb.

 - I know. I apologized to the CEO.

 - Irresponsible. - He continues. - Just because of her. What did you get from this lunch, besides problems, anyway?

 - Yes, what was that “be in peace with her in my head”? - I come back to this. - You assured to us last week that the past didn’t matter, so why did you say this earlier?

 - I just wanted to know if I could see her as a friend and not someone who broke my heart for the first time. I know I said the past doesn’t matter, and it doesn’t, but sometimes she comes to my mind and I feel insecure. I feel like the 16 year-old boy that met a pretty girl and fell in love with her, even though she didn’t fell for him.

 Hanbin and I stay quiet for moment to take in what we heard.

 - Ji, you know you grew up. And you know we love you.

 - You’re not a boy. - Hanbin follows my sentences. - You are a wonderful man. I know this because we grew a lot together, I saw you become this confident and handsome person. Don’t make yourself think you’re the same as you were when you met her. You changed, for the best. Forget her. Forget the 16 year-old boy. Trust yourself now, and trust us. Trust that we love you and that you love us, that’s all that matters, nothing else.

 Jiwon smiles by Hanbin’s beautiful words. - I’m sorry. I will say it until you both forgive me. I promise I won’t lie to you ever again even if I have the tendency to do it, I won’t hide things from you. I fucked up but I learned my lesson. I hate to see you mad at me.

 I pout. - Alright, I forgive you.

 Jiwon opens his arms for a hug, hoping we can accept it.

 - Me too. - Hanbin hugs him and I join in.

 - I hate it when you don’t tell me stuff. - I say, with one of my cheeks buried on Hanbin’s back, making my voice sound more innocent and cute.

 - I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you feel left out. Ever. I love you so much. - Jiwon gives me a kiss on the cheek. - I won’t embarrass you like that again either, Bin. I’m going to apologize to the members tomorrow for delaying our practice. - He sighs. - I feel like a weight just lifted off my shoulders, thank you for forgiving me.

 - Okay Jiwon, it’s forgotten, let’s just move on and relax and go to bed.

 - You’re already sleepy? - Jiwon asks, suspicious.

 - No. - I give him a smile.

 Hanbin looks at Jiwon, takes off his shirt and goes after me, walking to our bedroom and I can hear Jiwon rushing himself to catch us before we start.

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Jorja Smith has unveiled a standout new video for latest track ‘By Any Means’. The powerful video (directed by Otis Dominique and Ellington Hammond) shines a spotlight on communities across the UK, complimenting the track’s vital message around social issues and the civil rights movement. As noted by Jorja about the track: "The inspiration behind 'By Any Means' really came from going to the Black Lives Matter protest and leaving thinking, what can I do to keep this conversation going? It’s not just a post on social media, it's life.” ‘By Any Means’ is the first track to be unveiled from a new project titled ‘Reprise’, curated by the team at Roc Nation with the sole aim of bringing awareness to social justice issues. A portion of proceeds will go to funding organisations that support victims of police brutality, hate crimes, and other violations of civil rights. [via Dork]

Madison, WI-bred and Chicago-based band Slow Pulp recently announced Moveys, their self-produced debut album, and shared its first single 'Idaho.' Now the band shares another song off of the forthcoming record, entitled 'Falling Apart.' The track, featuring Alex G collaborator Molly Gemer on violin, is accompanied by a fantastical music video about feeling lost in a familiar landscape. Director Jake Lazovick, places Emily in a transient world, surrounded by flying objects and missing pieces. The clip features nostalgic animations, body doubles for social distancing purposes, and an homage to Massey's background as a ballet dancer. Read more about the song from Massey below: "As we were finishing up writing the album my parents got into a serious car accident and I came back home to help take care of them. A couple of weeks later COVID-19 started getting worse in the US, and quarantine began. Life felt completely surreal, everything had drastically changed and at such a rapid pace. It was especially strange because everyone was experiencing the same thing at the same time, but couldn’t be physically with each other to support each other. I felt like I couldn’t process any emotions I had about the whole ordeal because I had to keep it together to take care of my family. It became easier to stay numb, and create a facade that I was doing ok, than it was to release any type of healthy emotion for a long time. Luckily I did allow myself to have a full on breakdown induced by a stubbed toe and confusion over taxes, sometimes it’s the littlest things that finally get you."

Soap Detox met a party, and somehow their friendship sustained during the lengthy hangover that followed. A frisky Swedish three-piece with a lust for melody and good times, their raucous garage-pop is already making waves in their homeland. A full EP is incoming, with Soap Detox trailing this with their irresistible new single 'Give Me Gore'. A three minute fuzz pop wonder, it's a clanking, cheeky, subversive statement from a group who thrive on such things. The video features their shorn-headed lead singer in full form, accompanied by her band mates. Directed by Evelyn Del Carmen and Ebba Sylvan, you can check it out above. [via Clash]

It’s been a decade since we’ve heard from multi-hyphenate musician and producer The Angel, who last made a splash as a musician in 2009 with her single 'Ultra Light,' which featured the singer/producer Jhelisa on vocals. Focusing more on her career in film/TV composition and music production in recent years, she’s planning to return to recording her own music later this year with a new LP entitled Xtra Sensory Goodness. Now we’re getting the first taste of this project, which is yet another collaboration with the vocalist Jhelisa. “Jhelisa and I have become close friends over the years,” she explains. “There’s a lot of sisterly love and mutual respect between us, so Jhelisa already understood the mournful weight of the track before I asked to feature her. I’m always grateful that she’s willing to experiment with me because it’s not something she does lightly. Jhelisa beautifully channels the essence of whatever emotion needs to come through in the most evocative and visceral way.”  The song arrives beautifully packaged with an entrancing video directed by none other than Mark Pellington (along with co-directors Sergio Pinheiro and Sweeten), known for his concert docs for Pearl Jam, INXS, and The Flaming Lips, as well as an extensive music-videography including iconic visuals for Public Enemy, Nine Inch Nails, and plenty more artists. “I wanted the song to sound like a memory, like you’ve entered someone else’s dream space,” The Angel continues, noting how the video perfectly syncs to the song’s mood. “The emotion is contained, very internal, so I juxtaposed a vocal vulnerability against a driving, incessant rhythm, where you can feel the underlying tension at the same time as experiencing the gentle plea, ‘Where’s my shelter…?’” [via Flood]

A few weeks ago, Ciara gave birth to her son Win. Last night, she shared a video that she evidently recorded while she was very, very pregnant. Ciara’s new song 'Rooted' is a statement of Black pride, a clear statement of solidarity with the protest movement that’s swept across America and the rest of the world these past few months. It’s a hard, kinetic track with vocals from the songwriter Esther Dean. But the song, at least right now, feels more like a vehicle for the video. Like a lot of Ciara videos, the 'Rooted'” clip is built around bodies dancing. In this one, though, one of those bodies belongs to Ciara, who dances with her belly exposed and who looks like she’s about to give birth any second. To watch someone dance this hard while that pregnant is an actual marvel, a near-superhuman feat. The 'Rooted' video is full of Black iconography, and it features the faces of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor. All throughout, Ciara presents an image of motherly strength. Annie Bercy directs. [via Stereogum]

Hazel English releases the new video for her single ‘Five And Dime’ taken from her debut album Wake UP! which is out now on Marathon Artists. ‘Five and Dime’ is a woozy, idyllic view into Hazel’s world, which is built on timeless-sounding melodies, retro-tinged soundscapes and a knack for resonant lyrics. The mid-tempo number is reminiscent of the playful love songs of ’60s pop, as Hazel frustratedly muses on a love interest who is consuming her thoughts and detracting from her focus, “Gotta get away cause you’re taking up all of my time / You know I need my space so I’m heading to the Five and Dime.” Speaking about the new video, Hazel says: “'Five and Dime' is about longing for escape and freedom so I thought it would be fun to create an idyllic beach vacation, constructed from a set with cardboard cut out waves and fake palm trees. The idea behind it is that while I'm fantasizing about escaping to a tropical place, it's clear I'm just kind of stuck in this pretend version of it. I wanted to evoke the nostalgia of Hollywood musicals from the '50s and '60s, complete with dance choreography and bright colourful costumes.”

Katy Perry has released her second video for 'Smile,' featuring the pop star playing a video game version of herself as she battles giant spiders, circus trapeze acts and more while dressed as a clown. Much of the video is in CGI, with a live-action Perry playing the video game in her house (while also dressed as a clown). [via Rolling Stone]

Global superstar, Miley Cyrus has unveiled 'Midnight Sky,' a track that showcases a new direction for the always evolving artist.  The song, which was inspired by the past year of her life, is accompanied by a video that Miley self-directed.  In creating the song and video, Miley drew from strong female musical icons, like Stevie Nicks, Joan Jett, and Debbie Harry, who have always been so generous, and have been her greatest allies and inspiration.  The video showcases Miley as her true self: unapologetic, diverse, sexy, confident, experimental, and strong. The video takes viewers through Miley’s creative vision which displays her complete control of the narrative often told through the mouths of the media. Miley is at peace with who she is and has nothing to prove. As a musician she continues to push boundaries and experiment with her sound and look. Miley has proven to be many things, but boring is not one of them.

Chelsea Collins is nonconformist pop singer with a vision. For the captivating new 'Water Run Dry,' a collaboration with rapper, singer and fellow Bay Area-native 24kGoldn, Collins's infectious pop melodies glide over a hypnotic beat. Relatable lyrics about a faltering relationship reveal a depth of experience for the 21-year-old, with a wistful chorus lamenting, "there's no good in goodbye." The Roxana Baldovin-directed visuals for the track are an eyeful — Collins and 24kGoldn play house in an oversized, colorful California dollhouse, interspersed with images of a little girl playing with literal Barbies. The message? "I wanted this song and video to execute the world that's inside of my head — somewhat similar to a weird vintage rom com where at first the drama of love is so toxic, passionate and thrilling but eventually my lover and I have a happy ending," Collins tells NYLON. "Unfortunately reality isn't as fun and it kinda feels like some cranky dude is controlling your path, who's lowkey salty whenever something feels too amazing," she continues. "My intuition will tell me to run, but I'm notorious for acting like a Stepford wife, trying to recreate my past feelings yet they're all super robotic. Maybe one day I'll get lucky and love won't have to be so bittersweet, but until then I'll learn to smile even when things blow up in my face." [via NYLON]

Kali Uchis shared the visuals for her latest single 'Aquí Yo Mando' on Monday. Featuring a verse in Spanglish by Rico Nasty, the single is Kali's first release since her TO FEEL ALIVE EP from earlier this year. The Phillipa Price-directed clip finds the pair on a weapons-filled rampage, dropping bodies in underground parking lots and filming each other along the way. With co-production by reggaeton hitmaker Tainy, the booming track sees Uchis assertively laying some ground rules over trappy 808s. "Haces todo lo que diga (You do everything that I say)," she raps. “Si estás conmigo solo mando yo (If you’re with me, only I call the shots).” [via The FADER]

[babbushka]

Last Straw (1/12) - The Beginning

Newly married to your high school sweetheart Kylo Ren, the two of you move into Skywalker Ranch, a farm recently passed down after the death of Kylo’s grandfather. The place is charming, and the people seem friendly…but are they?

Content Warnings:  Mentions of family death, allusions to violence, but mostly fluff. It is only the first chapter after-all!

                                                    ---------------

It’s a long drive, through the mountains. It’s been a long drive, the past few days. But though it’s been long, it’s growing to a close, and with each mile that you get under your belt, each mile closer to Sweetwater County, the excitement and anticipation grows. Kylo drives the brand new ‘62 F150, a wedding gift from your folks, and with the windows rolled down as the wind blows through your hair, you enjoy the trip.

You try, try your damnedest to stay in high spirits, high enough for the both of you. Kylo’s grandfather’s passing hadn’t been sudden, hadn’t even been unexpected, but well.

It was still hard.

Moving out from the city to live on the ranch, a fifteen-hundred-acre chunk of land, the very same land which Kylo had the happiest moments of his childhood, was hard.

But cancer was harder.

Still, it was his, the ranch. Left to him by his grandpa, the only thing he had left to give to anyone. Kylo hadn’t wanted it to just get sold to the state, so on the trip you went. You packed up everything you owned from your small apartment in the city, hopped in the truck, and headed for the countryside.

It’s scenic, so scenic, on all sides of you – the winding road offering a panoramic view of the rich golden brown earth that surrounds you. The air is so much cleaner here, so much more crisp in the late fall. The trees have all gone red and yellow, a couple leaves hitting your hand as it hangs out the window. Kylo has the radio turned all the way up, and for the first time in a long time, he sings along. He scowls through the lyrics of the old crackling tunes from a bygone era that come from the radio.

They’re nostalgic songs, the old slow sad country type, and maybe that’s why he sings along. Maybe he sings along because he can’t live inside his own head much longer, can’t stay silent much longer. You’re not sure. But whatever the reason, you don’t interrupt him, not for a long while, not until the sun begins to dip beyond the mountains and you emerge from the wood, not until you cut through the golden fields via a dirt road, a big wrought iron gate locked shut before you.

Kylo puts the car into park, turns it off. On the ring he twirls around his finger is an old key, and you stick your head out of the truck’s window to watch him walk away.

“Are we here?” You ask, not sure if this is just someone else’s land that you need to cut through, a secret shortcut he knows about.

Kylo opens the gate, opens it wide, the hinges creaking and groaning, rusted from disuse. His leather boots crunch on the earth below his feet as he makes his way back to you in the truck, kisses you square on the lips through the window with a wistful smile.

“Edge of the property. Everything that stretches until the mountains is ours.” He points as he speaks so softly. Your husband’s always been a quiet man, an explosion of emotion simmering just beneath the surface.

“You okay?” You ask, because you know this, as you cup his scarred cheek, give him a sad smile of your own.

The death has been hard on him, hardest on him than anyone else in the family. Kylo had been the only one to really care for his grandpa, towards the end. His senator mother and sister wanted nothing to do with him, felt he was too bad for her campaign image; his uncle was too busy working at the university, too busy teaching to spend more than a day with him. So Kylo went, visited four times a week, took him any and everywhere he wanted.

Until he couldn’t anymore, the old man too ill to leave his bed.

“Yeah. Just…” Kylo sighs, kisses your palm before stepping away, rounding the truck to start the engine just long enough to bring you onto the property, before jumping back out and locking it once again. When he’s back, he sighs, stares out at the expanse of land before you both, and sighs again. “Just a lot of memories, is all.”

You nod, strike up a match and light a cigarette, handing it to him. He accepts it gratefully, and he drives the truck down the road some more, down the fields some more.

“He would be proud that you’re taking over, keeping those memories alive, you know?” You say, trying to be encouraging, and he chuckles just a little, more of a self-deprecating laugh than anything, and you know what he’s thinking.

It’d be the first time anyone in his family is proud of him, for anything.

He doesn’t say it, but he doesn’t have to. You’ve known him long enough.

“If I remember it right, the house should just be up over this way.” He says instead, and you scoot across the bench seat enough to rest your head on his shoulder, smiling at the sight of it all.

You had thought you had an idea of what fifteen-hundred acres was, but really, this was much bigger than anything you could have imagined, so much different when you looked at it on Google Maps. As you pass by the fields and fields of tall grasses in desperate need of a cut, you can only picture the transformation, can only picture how it might once have been. The cattle grazing, horses galloping, sheep baaing. It really feels like the wild west out here, as the farmhouse comes into view.

The house itself is huge, and you can’t help but grow giddy at the sight of all the windows, all the rooms. The apartment you had shared in the city was only a one-bedroom, but it looked as though there were at least two stories here, maybe even an attic.

It looks old, but there’s a certain charm to that, you find. The whole house is made of wood, long strips that have been nailed together, painted white once upon a time. The roof is wood shingles, these too painted, but in a dusty rusty red. You wonder if that’s just from age, if they were once bright as a firetruck. You can picture it, you think.

The house greets you with a beautiful front porch, above it is a large protruding bay window that you think will be a perfect place to sit and read or write. It needs work though; the windows are broken, whether from vandalism or force of nature you couldn’t know. The paint is stripped and the wood is weathered, there are shingles missing, and the landscaping has grown unruly, out of control. If there weren’t such a beautiful sunset casting a deep orange and pink glow across the farm, you thought it might have looked creepy, some old haunted thing untouched by time.

“How long has it been since someone lived here?” You ask, curious.

“Shit,” Kylo whistles, when he pulls the truck to a stop for the final time of the evening, when he comes round the cab to open your door, offer you a hand to step down. You stretch your legs with a big grin, it had been three hours since the last time you’d had a break from being on the road. “I don’t know, just about fifteen years?”

You whistle too, and Kylo smiles at you fondly, wraps an arm around your shoulder as he pulls you close to his side, kisses the top of your head. He’s so tall, you think, you have always thought.

“Oh good, there’s electricity then.” You tease, grabbing your suitcases from the bed of the truck, which he immediately takes from you so you don’t have to carry them.

“I don’t know, the house was built around the turn of the century, there very well may not be, not all the way out here.” He says, and you stop in your tracks, “I’m kidding – of course grandpa had electricity. Grandma wouldn’t have let him get away with that.” He laughs, trying his best to stay in good spirits.

You can tell though, all he wants to do is cry, can tell by the wetness in his eyes.

He turns away from you though, hides the grief for now, and goes into the house. You follow, not bothering to lock the truck, because honestly, you didn’t expect there to be another person for half an hour at least.

When you cross the threshold onto the creaking floorboards, you’re surprised to find it fully furnished. It’s old furnishings definitely, definitely from around the fifties or sixties, but you don’t hate it – in fact you think of how jealous your city friends would be, the mid-century-mod look so in fashion.

No wonder Kylo loved the place so much, he definitely had a penchant for the 60s. The golden age, he always called it, of real social and political change, of real optimism. You wondered if he was optimistic now.

“Come check the place out with me?” You ask, reaching out a hand for him to take as he puts down the suitcases.

He rushes to hold your hand, always so eager to be near you, and you smile.

“Here, watch your step.” He says, leading you down the hallway, running his hand along the faded and torn wallpaper. “Fuck, it’s a lot more run down that I remember.”

“That tends to happen when a place is abandoned.” You reply honestly, and Kylo’s shoulders begin to shake. You can’t imagine the sort of shock he must be going through, and you waste little time in holding him close, hugging him so tight. “Hey, Kylo, look at me? It’s going to be okay. It just needs a little a work that’s all.” You reassure, and he nods, but tears slip down his nose anyway.

You think about this hall, how there’s spots on the wall where photos once hung. You think about the wallpaper, and how bright it must have been, how Kylo must have trailed his hand along it when he was a boy, a boy playing cowboy with his grandpa, baking pies in the kitchen with his grandma.

“Can we just go to bed? I’m exhausted.” He asks, voice barely above a whisper, and you hug him again, give a soft kiss to his cheek where the salt from his tears are beginning to stain.

“Of course honey, of course.” You agree, you’re exhausted too. Something about traveling always tires you out, you don’t know why.

The bedroom itself is huge, almost as big as the living room, or at least it feels like it with all the windows. There’s that great bay window you had seen out front, and you grow a little excited at the thought that such a beautiful feature is in the bedroom, it makes the whole place feel a little more elegant. There are delicate white curtains, or well, maybe they were once white, now faded and yellowed just a little bit from the weather. You run the scalloped lace edge between your fingers, and hope that a good washing and a bleach is all it needs.

You wish that a good washing and a bleach is all the house needs, but nowhere is it more evident than in the bedroom that this place is a serious fixer-upper. There are panels loose, wiring exposed, rusty nails jutting out from the walls. Big stains in the ceiling suggest water damage, and warped flooring only confirms your suspicion.

After you and Kylo make the bed with fresh clean sheets and have replaced the pillows with ones you brought from your old apartment, you both lay in bed, facing one another, eyes shining from the light of the moon. It is so much quieter, out here in the country, and the two of you can’t help but smile against the sounds.

It’s windy at night, something you didn’t really expect – had it been windy in the city? Maybe it had but you just couldn’t tell, the noise of it covered by the ever present rumble of traffic. The insects are so loud, so loud it’s almost deafening, and every now and again there is the hoot of an owl.

Neither of you can sleep, and this for some reason is the funniest thing, both of you giggling like teenagers, like the very first time you spent the night at his house, way back in eleventh grade. It feels like a beginning, some grand new adventure, one that’s so outside the box of anything anyone could have imagined for you – that you could have imagined for yourselves.

Kylo pulls you close, tucks your face under his chin and kisses the top of your head. He’s all out of tears for the moment, and you count his breathing until it slows to an even rhythm, letting your own eyes slip closed as you sleep for the first time in your new house, on your new farm, in your new life.

If falling asleep to the sound of nature was weird, waking up to it was even weirder. You almost felt like you were on vacation, had stolen away some time to be able to appreciate the quiet, but now that all you had was quiet, it was a disorienting sensation. You have no alarm, your phone battery dead from accidentally forgetting to plug it in, so when you wake it’s to the sun already high in the sky, though despite that, it’s freezing from being so late in October.

Kylo is out of bed, his side empty when you blink your eyes against the brightness of the day, and you follow the smell of coffee to find him standing in his boots and blue jeans, looking all too much like the corn fed farm boy you knew and loved. You wondered if he would get a hat, one with a big curled brim, the same shade of brown as his boots.

You shuffle into the kitchen, find that the floor has already been swept away, presumably by Kylo while you were still sleeping. He opens his arms to you immediately, kisses you despite your sleep-sour breath, and pushes a hot mug into your freezing fingers.

“Did you sleep okay?” You ask, stealing a kiss once more, and then another one and another one, until he’s smiling at you, pouring cereal into a bowl.

“No, but it’s fine,” He says, and you sigh sympathetically, because you both know it really isn’t. He pulls out a chair for you at the small kitchen table, and you sit side by side. “You know, I was thinking, since you’re busy working on your writing, maybe I could put an ad out in the paper for some help.” He says, and you look up at him with a playful brow raised.

“The paper?” You ask, and he shrugs, a smile into his mug. No one reads the paper anymore, not in such an age of digital and technological advancements. You weren’t even sure the last time you saw a newspaper was, let alone looked for an ad in one.

“The farmers have a community newsletter type thing. I remember reading the cartoons in the Sunday edition, but there were always personal ads. People looking for help with cattle, with produce, I’m sure I could put out one asking for handy-work.” Kylo explains, and you hum to yourself while you think.

On the one hand, it would be a great opportunity to meet some new people. You weren’t entirely sure if such an opportunity would come often to you, living way out here. If the newsletter was still up and running, what harm was there in putting out an ad?

But on the other hand, you think as you tap your nails against the mug, it could be a really wonderful bonding experience for you and your husband. You weren’t the most handy person in the world, but you figure, if you’re going to live on a ranch, what better time to learn than now?

(If you agree to put out an ad, click here) (If you decide to help Kylo yourself, click here)

[svtegg]

sebongies and the taeyeon songs they remind me of:

seungcheol: gravity. gravity is about finding solace, finding something to hold on to even through the hardest of storms. i firmly believe seungcheol has had to learn this the hard way, and because of this gravity reminds me so much of him. ive also personally found such a warm and safe place in the group he has lead and fronted to where they are today. he will never know how much strength i’ve gained from him, how much he has been the gravity pulling me back down to earth in those especially hard times. the song also has this hopeful and nostalgic feel, which i feels fits him. it sounds sort of like an anthem for us hopeless introverted romantics that find solace in the small gestures of affection and love. just saying i would also die for seungkwan to cover this song.

jeonghan: i am all ears. i feel like jeonghan is definitely seventeens anchor. he grounds them and guides them, in a way much different from how seungcheol does. cheol is their leader, their frontman and main man. jeonghan works the sidelines. he knows all the members inside out, easily knows all the little details about the other 12 boys, what their favorite food is or what snacks they like, what their habits are and what gets them the most frustrated. it’s a silent type of support, almost like a parent or an older sibling or relative. that silent looking out for your friends that’s almost not noticed. just like this song he’s a comforting presence in svt that always offers a hand to hold, a ear to listen or a shoulder to lean on anytime of day or night while still keeping everything lighthearted and honest. this song is actually one of my most beloved songs, the lyrics and the melody is just so comforting and i feel so safe when i listen to it and i feel that’s the kind of feeling jeonghan gives off too..

joshua: 11:11. now this song is probably my all time favorite kpop songs. period. the whole vibe of the song just screams joshua to me. the simple guitar instrumental, the plucking line, the soft percussion in the background and the effortless yet beautiful vocals that softly blends in with all the other elements. it’s a simple and beautiful song, the lyrics reflecting sadness for missing and happiness for experiencing the past, which i feel is such a joshua thing to say.. i might be over analyzing him with this though, and to be honest most of the reason why i chose this song for josh is because i want to hear him sing it, it just fits him so perfectly. a slow, simple and soft track with some sweet guitar and bittersweet lyrics sung in a soft and breathy voice. it’s just so him!!

jun: time lapse. time lapse is easily one of my favorite taeyeon songs. it holds this childish and naive undertone with such serious and beautiful lyrics about growing up and realizing life maybe isn’t what you once thought, yet still seeing the beauty in everything you’ve experienced throughout your life, and despite the hardships and the traumas you’re still able to move forward and try again. i feel like it reflects junhuis personality very well. he’s a very reflective, thoughtful, headstrong, stubborn and smart person, yet he manages to keep this amazing and childish happiness and naiveness to him that i hope he never ever looses.

soonyoung: find me. find me is such a strong song, conveying a message of making your own path, flyging as high as your wings will take you and youll find what youre looking for. it’s a little ambitious, very headstrong and fierce. even though soonyoung may not be precieved as the most fierce or ambitious member, i feel like he’s definitely one of the few in seventeen who has the most self discipline, the most ambitious ideas, the most headstrong mindset and definitely a fierce working ethic. he definitely has his insecurities, as we all do, and this song is almost like a self reassuring anthem telling yourself that no matter what you’ll be fine as long as you keep going forward. which i feel very much reflects him and his values as a person.

wonwoo: city love. i feel like wonwoo is 100% a hopeless romantic at heart. at the same time he’s very simplistic and almost brutally realistic, and i feel like i could definitely connect with him on that..despite this i still imagine that he has this very special ability to see beauty in ordinary everyday objects and things. like the reflections of lights in a puddle or the way the morning fog wraps along the tallest skyscrapers. which is exactly what city love is about. the line; “To me, the things that were meaningless before meeting you, Become new every day” gives me major wonu energy.

jihoon: feel so fine. this song i picked out just because of the lyrics. it’s obviously a beautiful song in itself, but i feel the lyrics hit especially as a song that maybe reflects a bit of the inner conflicts jihoon has endured and learned from. it starts out a little helpless, wondering how you got to this place, what happened, why can’t i be the way i wish i was and then later realizing you’re okay, you’re fine and realizing you’re living in the world you once only dreamed of. i feel especially because of how jihoon opened up about how he felt responsible for seventeens success, he felt accountable for whether or not seventeen would be a hit, if they would make it or not. and now he’s produced a three times platinum, critically acclaimed, award winning, bonsang awarded album. look at you now jihoon, look how high you’re flying. (he also mentioned in hit the road that he no longer feels this obligation and i think that is because of the growth he and the rest for the guys have experienced through these 5 years)

minghao: wine. minghao has this quality about him. he just seems like he’s experienced the world before. he’s an old soul, poetic to an extent yet such a realist. and this song is about loving the memories of a painful love and despite the hardships realizing the beauty of heartbreak. it’s poetically and beautifully heartbreaking, which i feel reflects minghao very well. especially the way taeyeon sings ‘my vintage love’ over and over and the entire feeling in the track..it’s just very minghao. idk how to explain it

mingyu: do you love me. this pick has nothing to do with lyrics, which is kinda funny because this is one of the first kind of cliche love songs on the list i think. the biggest reason why i picked this is because i feel like mingyu would actually enjoy listening to this song, i feel like it’s very mingyu-esque. a soft jazzy ballad with sweet lyrics and gorgeous backup vocals. the lyrics of course coincidentally also convey a message of a newly fallen in love person who hopes the other also feels the same way. which is such a puppylove type song, so much to the point that it makes chills run down my back in excitement. just the feeling you get when you’re newly in love i guess....

seokmin: fire. this may get some of the sonecarats out there confused. because fire is such a heartbreakingly sad song. it’s mostly about a love that’s not good for you. a fire eating you up from the inside and leaving nothing but ash. about feeling alone. but i honestly believe seokmin is one of the boys in seventeen with the most worries, the most internal pushes and pulls. i definitely feel like seokmin is a person who feels his emotions very strongly no matter if they’re happy or sad. i also honestly believe he is his own worst critic, and i wish for nothing else than for him to realize the immense talent and charisma he holds, how much of a fire he is on the outside. how much he shines and how far his warmth reaches. he’s such a star.

vernon: curtain call. this is probably one of taeyeons songs i feel is the most neutral in the feeling it gives me. it has a sort of happy yet sad quality that is kinda hard to come across. i feel like this song is mostly about being okay with how things have turned out, to say goodbye with a smile and remember the good times. and then when we meet again we’ll prepare to smile again. it’s a very calm, reflected and reasonable song which i feel is some of the core personality traits vernon possesses. i don’t think he’s neutral in the sense that he doesn’t feel things, he’s just a person who makes every situation the best it can be, which i think is in all honestly a great way to live.

seungkwan: here i am. this song is so incredibly heartbreaking. it explains the difficulty in showing your true self, masking your real feelings with happiness, smiles and laughs. being afraid of being vulnerable, yet knowing your true raw unfiltered self is just as beautiful and strong as the ideal self you show to everyone. i think seungkwan has definitely had some inner conflict with being labeled the funny one, the mood maker and the jokester of the group. there’s no way that’s not been a chip on his shoulder sometimes, and i think he’s definitely fallen more comfortably now as he’s started to grow to be more secure of himself. i hope he knows just how much carats love every side of him, not just the funny mood maker but also the seungkwan that talks about his mom and cries and the seungkwan that explains his feelings and gets angry and frustrated, the insecure and the tired. everything.

chan: i’m ok. this song is about fighting back, not taking any bullshit. giving back exactly what you got. just ignoring all the people wasting your time and following your dreams and believing in yourself to the fullest. i feel especially this line is full of lee chan energy:

“This ambiguous and lukewarm something. I don’t like playing games of push and pull. No thanks baby”..

it’s also a very sexy and powerful song, i feel like despite this technically being a pop ballad, if jihoon just remixed it slightly and chan maybe wrote a little rap verse for one of the verses it could easily have been a chan solo song, with such a strong and stand-alone type message it fits his personality perfectly. i definitely feel like chan is one of the people in the group who has full awareness of his abilities and how far he can push said abilities. he doesn’t bullshit when it really comes down to it.

[moviemagistrate]

ONCE UPON A TIME…IN HOLLYWOOD review

ONCE UPON A TIME…IN HOLLYWOOD is my favorite movie of the 2010’s. 

I’ll give you a minute to put your recently-blown mind back together.

So why do I love this movie so much? The overall response to Quentin Tarantino’s supposedly penultimate opus has been very positive if not rapturous, but I’ve seen some surprisingly lukewarm and even negative reviews, with people criticizing it for being slow, meandering, lacking in depth or *shudder* boring. Obviously the quality of any movie is subjective, as I’m quick to remind anyone who hates Michael Bay movies, but I honestly don’t understand people who dislike OUATIH. Maybe it’s a matter of expectations, because I didn’t know how to feel about the film for much of the first time I watched it either.

The year is 1969, a time of great political and cultural change in the country and in the entertainment industry. The star-driven films of yesteryear are giving way to grittier, artsier, more auteur-driven works as we primarily follow Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio), former star of a popular cowboy show whose failed attempt to start an A-list movie career has left him relying on guest spots as TV villains-of-the-week to stay afloat. This is wonderfully laid out in the opening scene where he meets casting director Marvin Schwarz (Al Pacino, easily his best role since JACK & JILL), who lays out Rick’s lowering hierarchical status (“Who’s gonna kick the shit out of you next week? How about Batman & Robin? PING. POW”), while offering him an opportunity to be a leading-man again in Italian pictures.

Tagging along is Rick’s best, and maybe only, friend Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt), Rick’s go-with-the-flow stunt-double who in the slowdown of Rick’s career has effectively become his driver and gofer, as well as Rick’s sole source of emotional support. Rick is also neighbors with Sharon Tate (Margot Robbie), the beautiful young actress and wife of then-superstar director Roman Polanski (whose inclusion in the film is minimal and handled tastefully), as she lives out her idyllic life, beloved by those around her like the ray of sunshine she was in real life. Her gated, hillside home looms over Rick’s, as he ponders aloud about how even meeting her the right way could resurrect his career.

For almost two-and-a-half hours, we follow these three characters as they just live out their lives, Rick nursing hangovers and having emotional breakdowns in front of his 8-year-old co-star on set while contemplating his future, Cliff going where the wind blows him while taking care of his adorable and highly-trained dog, and Sharon as she drives around Old Hollywood, spends time with her friends, and sneaks into a matinee showing of one of her movies, her eyes and infectious smile beaming with pride when the audience laughs at her comedic timing and cheers her martial-arts prowess.

I think it’s safe to say it’s not the film any of us were expecting from Quentin Tarantino. Having only made loud, gory, over-the-top genre pastiches for the last 15 years, you’d expect from the trailers for this to be about an actor and his sexy stunt-double getting mixed up with the Manson family before teaming up with Bruce Lee to save Sharon Tate from her horrific real-life fate, mixed with the filmmaker’s usual self-indulgent homages to films of yesteryear. While some of this is true to some extent, it’s surprisingly a much more relaxed, easygoing dramedy that follows a trio of funny, charismatic people as they just…exist, as people living in the moment instead of relics.

OUATIH is much more concerned with atmosphere, character, and capturing the feeling of a bygone era than the traditional narrative structure. It’s more effective than pretty much every nostalgia trip movie I've ever seen because you can feel Tarantino's affection for this era of his childhood bleed through every character, car, song, radio advertisement, TV show, background poster, etc. It’s through this meticulous level of detail and willingness to just hang out with these characters and take in this world that he reconstructed, Tarantino successfully resurrects the era in all its 35mm glory, but with the knowing twinge of real-world melancholy.

I guess the reason I love it so much is because the love that Tarantino has for everything and everyone in it is so tangible that it’s infectious. Watching OUATIH I honestly felt like I understood him better as both a filmmaker and as a person. He shows a level of restraint and maturity I haven’t seen since JACKIE BROWN. Even most of his trademark foot fetishizing is tasteful and subdued (I say “most” because I recall at least three close-ups of actresses’ feet that definitely made him a bit sweaty behind the camera). He’s a weird, shameless nerd with a big ego, but he’s 100% sincere about expressing his love for film and its rich history. And it’s this love, and the skill and style with which it’s expressed, that just put a big smile on my face each of the 6 (SIX) times that I’ve seen it since it came out. 

Tarantino offers a tantalizing contrast between reality and fantasy. Throughout the film, as the characters of Hollywood live in their own idyllic world, relaxing in pools or driving around in bitchin’ cars, we also see the disquieting eeriness and griminess of the Manson family. The soundtrack and accompanying old-timey commercials for tanning butter or Mug Root Beer that plays through a lot of the film is a joy to listen to, but we also hear news bulletins of the war in Vietnam or the aftermath of the Bobby Kennedy assassination. You could argue this is just to set the scene for the era, but it feels too deliberate, because even after that joyously fantastical ending, we remember that it was just a fairy tale and real life didn’t turn out as pleasantly. Tarantino’s ability to make his world and characters so meticulously detailed and lived-in works to great effect in instilling a bittersweet melancholy to this film in a way I was really taken aback by. It feels like a window into his soul, someone who yearns for the fantasy of the world he grew up in but remembering that not all good things last and not everything in your nostalgic past was good to begin with.

One beautiful, spellbinding scene is Rick and Cliff coming back from their excursion into the world of Italian filmmaking. In this montage, we see Rick, Cliff and Rick’s new Italian wife arriving at the airport and driving home before unpacking their baggage, interspersed with Sharon Tate welcoming a guest at her home and having lunch, before cutting to a series of shots of famous LA landmarks like Grauman's Chinese Theatre, Taco Bell, and Der Wienerschnitzel all meticulously resurrected in their retro glory as they light up the night. “Baby, baby, baby you’re out of time”, sings Mick Jagger as we’re watching multiple stories about people who are each embodying those words: Rick’s career, his friendship with Cliff, Sharon Tate, and Hollywood itself.

Tarantino himself feels like one of the last mainstream auteur filmmakers, as well as one of the last and biggest proponents of shooting large-budget movies on film (even Scorsese’s embraced digital now, the fantastically-talented traitor). And with the rise of streaming services, one can’t help but feel like the movie-going experience itself is also becoming obsolete, especially recently, what with theaters going to war with distributors over fucking TROLLS: WORLD TOUR, not to mention that global pandemic we’ve been having lately all but killing general audiences’ enthusiasm for the movie theater experience (Christopher Nolan’s TENET certainly didn’t help). If all these things, both real and fictional, are indeed out of time, then at least with Tarantino’s penultimate film they get one hell of a bittersweet sendoff, a great time that’s more of an Irish wake than a funeral, and it’s a film I have no issue calling a truly introspective, late-career masterpiece.

And that’s without mentioning uniformly incredible cast. Leo DiCaprio, an actor I normally don’t care too much for, gives the best and funniest performance of his career as a dependent prima donna actor clinging to his remaining fame. Brad Pitt earns the hell out of his Oscar as an embodiment of old-school masculinity and charisma with an amazing set of abs (and everything else) whose outward coolness masks his mysterious past and complete badass-ness. Margot Robbie shines in her depiction of Tate, a beacon of warmth and likability who in many ways symbolized the love and carefree attitudes of the swingin’ 60’s. I’ve heard people criticize her character for not having a lot of dialogue, but to me it feels like they’re ignoring the visual storytelling, which just gives way to them assuming the film is sexist just because the female lead isn’t constantly monologuing. Every member of the supporting cast is memorable with their own quirks and great lines, no matter their screentime.

And of course, it wouldn’t be a Tarantino joint without some truly hilarious and shocking violence, and without going into spoiler territory, the last 20 minutes delivers on this promise to such a degree that I feel comfortable calling it the best thing he’s ever done. Some may decry the climax as unnecessary or over-the-top, but the way it leads to an alternate world while subtly acknowledging what happened in the real one is cathartic beyond belief. And if you’re paying attention, every scene in the movie has been quietly building towards this finale, which to me takes away any potential of feeling meandering in the story. If you saw the movie and didn’t much care for it, I recommend giving it another watch. Having the context ahead of time makes it feel so much more rewarding, and even on the fifth watch I’m noticing clever, subtle set-ups I missed beforehand.

It’s also just super cozy and really easy to watch. The two hours and 45 minutes fly by. I could watch a 4-hour version of this.

Quentin, if you’re reading this, please don’t let your last movie be Star Trek.

[ladyfogg]

Cold is the Night - 20/20 (Epilogue)

Cold is the Night - 20/20 (Epilogue)

Fic Summary: You and Pat have known each other for years but this summer, everything will change. As the two of you start to grow close, your matching tempers threaten the foundation of your rocky friendship and prevent both of you from realizing your true feelings. Cold is the Night Masterpost. 

Fic Song: Cold is the Night by The Oh Hellos. Fic playlist can be found here. 

The song in this chapter is Till the World Stops Turning by Kaleb Jones and is on the playlist.

Pairing: Pat Murray/Female Reader

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Language, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Multiple Chapters

You stood in the bridal suite, staring at yourself in the mirror. 

Your dress was similar to the other bridesmaids, except for the trim, which signified that you were the Maid of Honor. Behind you, Nellie stepped out from behind the changing screen, her mother fastening her buttons.

"Nel, you look amazing," you gushed to your soon-to-be sister-in-law.

She smiled brightly before taking a deep breath. "I should have eaten something," she said. "I feel like I'm gonna faint."

"Got you covered, sis." You motioned to a tray of fruits, crackers, and cheeses you had ordered from the hotel kitchen. Gina stood by the table, a champagne flute ready and waiting for the bride as well.

Nellie gave you both a smile of relief. "You guys are the best."

"We know," Gina beamed.

There was a knock on the door and Gina answered it. She called your name and you went to see who it was.

Pat was in the hall looking fucking stunning in his tux. "Hey, beautiful," he said. "The groom wants to see you."

"Just a second." You motioned for Gina to help Nellie before you slipped out of the room. "You are wearing the hell out of that tux, Murray."

"Oh yeah? Like seeing me in a tux, do you?"

You definitely did. He had stayed with the guys the night before while Nellie and the girls had stayed and yours and Pat's place. It was the first time you had seen him all gussied up.

"I really do." You two had discussed eventually getting married but seeing him in a tux made the fantasy more tangible. But that was for another time. "How's Vinnie doing?"

"Nervous. He hasn't made a single joke all morning."

"Damn. I'll see if I can loosen him up."

Pat brought you to the groom's suite where Ty and Dells were just leaving. "Hey, bros. Step aside and let me handle this," you said.

"We'll go check-in and make sure the guests are being seated," Ty said.

Pat kissed your cheek and the three of them made their way to the banquet hall. You let yourself into Vinnie's room. 

Your brother stood in front of the mirror, fixing his cufflinks. "Hey, big brother. How are you doing?"

Vinnie turned around, giving you a nervous smile. "I might throw up."

"Don't. It's gross."

He chuckled nervously, fixing his suit jacket. "Well, it's almost time."

Smiling, you crossed the room to take his hands. "You and Nellie are amazing together. You're going to be so happy. I love you."

"Love you too," Vinnie said. "Who knows, maybe soon I'll be giving you a pep talk on your wedding day."

"Oh hush," you said, trying not to blush. "This isn't about me. It's your day."

"I mean it," Vinnie said. "I hope you and Pat will be as happy as Nel and I are."

You gave him a big hug, squeezing tightly. "Alright, showtime," you declared, pulling away. "I gotta go help the bride. Make sure you don't get lost on your way to the altar."

"I'll do my best."

The wedding was sensational. You were an emotional mess the whole time. Throughout the ceremony, you and Pat couldn't take your eyes off each other. He was smiling warmly, hazel eyes soft with love. 

At the reception, everyone had a blast. The food was delicious and the music was fantastic. You and Pat danced the night away. 

At one point, the music slowed and Pat grabbed your hand, pulling you close. "May I have this dance?"

"Always."

You slipped an arm around his shoulders while his free hand rested on your lower back. 

When your well is drying up, like a desert into dust

and there's no rain on the horizon, I'll be there to fill your cup

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Pat asked, kissing your knuckles. 

"Not today," you smirked. 

"Well, I love you more than anything in the world."

I will love you till the world stops turning, and ever after when it comes

And all the days between are left for learning, what this life's about

So I'll love you till the world stops turning round

Pat pulled you close, his forehead touching yours. He closed his eyes, losing himself in the moment. You followed his lead, ignoring everything else.

When your burdens weigh you down, like a cloud about to burst

Rest your head upon my shoulder, and I will carry all your hurt

I will love you till the world stops turning, and ever after when it comes

And all the days between are left for learning, what this life's about

So I'll love you till the world stops turning round

"I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you," you whispered.

Pat sucked in a deep breath before he leaned down and captured your lips in a gentle kiss.

When our bodies fall apart, a broken puzzle of the past

We can put it back together, cause honey all the good things left

I will love you till the world stops turning, and ever after when it comes

And all the days between are left for learning, what this life's about

So I'll love you till the world stops turning round

By the time the celebration came to an end, you were exhausted. Months of helping them prep and set up had been difficult. Pat helped you into his car and you dozed off before he even closed the door.

Pat drove towards home, quietly humming along to a song on the radio. The ride came to an end faster than you anticipated.

You opened your eyes, expecting to be in your driveway. Instead, a familiar field greeted you and you sat up, turning to Pat. "What are we doing here?"

"I'm feeling nostalgic," he said, putting the car in park. "Come on."

The night was chilly, still clinging to the last of winter. You found yourself cuddling close to your boyfriend for warmth as you sat on the hood of his car. Without hesitation, Pat took off his suit jacket and draped it around your shoulders.

"Can you believe our first kiss was right here almost a year ago?" he asked.

"Ten months almost to the day. It simultaneously feels like another lifetime and just yesterday."

You sat in silence for a bit. Pat studied the stars but you studied him, just as head over heels in love as ever. Your relationship had strengthened over time. Sure there were fights and disagreements, but you always talked them out.

Once he had moved in, it got easier. You fell into a steady routine and having someone to help share the financial load was such a huge weight off your shoulders. You were able to slow down, enjoy things. All because of Pat.

He caught you staring, smirking in response. "What are you thinking?"

"How much I love you," you said. "And how much I can't wait to get home so I can take that tux off you."

Pat leaned in, giving you the gentlest of kisses. "Let's just sit here a little while longer. Then we can go home and do things to each other."

"Sounds good to me." You shoved your hands into his jacket pockets to try to warm them.

In the right one, your fingers brushed up against something hard. Curiously, you pulled it out to see what it was.

It took you a moment to register the small velvet box. You were so confused, you didn't notice Pat slide off the hood of the car, quietly moving to stand in front of you. 

When you finally looked up, he was smiling. "Took you long enough."

Heart beating wildly against your ribcage, you stumbled to your feet, clutching the box with both hands.

"Pat...what is this?"

"Thought it was obvious." Gingerly, he pulled back the lid. In the moonlight, a beautiful diamond sparkled above a silver band. "It was my mom's."

You looked between him and the ring several times. "Where did you get it?"

"Dad gave it to me. A week after the Bulldogs game."

"That long ago?"

Pat carefully took the box from your shaking hands. "I knew I was going to marry you the second you said you loved me. When I told my dad, he gave me this. Had to take forever to learn your ring size so I could resize it. By the time that was done, Vinnie's wedding plans were in full swing and I didn't want to be that asshole."

"So you're giving it to me now right after the wedding?" you giggled, trying to hold back tears.

"Well yeah, they had their moment. Now it's our turn."

Pat took your left hand, slowly getting down on one knee. Your head was spinning, unable to process that this was actually happening. He said your name with his strong, sure voice, eyes never looking away from yours.

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes!" you blurted out before he even finished. "Yes. Yes! Fucking hell, yes!"

Laughing, Pat slid the ring on your finger and when he stood, you threw your arms around his neck, pulling him into a big kiss.

Pat kissed you back and you could feel his tears mingling with yours. 

Under the stars, you kissed the love of your life, thinking of all the precious moments that led to such a perfect one. And you knew, in your heart, the best was yet to come.

The End

[hana-bean]

Ayumi Hamasaki Picks:  A Song for ×× era (1998-1999)

I’ll admit, I avoided A Song for ×× like COVID for way, way too long. Her vocals were hard to adapt to if you had only heard her I am... material and beyond. I personally found her voice high and squeaky; seemingly years and miles away from the Ayu I was introduced to at 14 years of age in 2002. There were a few tracks in their remix form I was able to stomach but otherwise, this album was an Ayumi I didn’t care to know. In fact, you’ll notice on most of these tracks I note that I prefer remixes over originals.

Within the last couple of years, I listened to this album in its entirety and ultimately fell in love. I realized now how important this debut is in considering and appreciating where Ayu started. Yes her sound is relatively high-pitched and un-Western, but it’s endearing AF. This album is able to span both sides of various spectrums: fun and sad, innocent and experienced, light-hearted and heartfelt. It exudes such a compelling, youthful perspective of love and heartbreak that I can’t help but empathize with it. Honestly, I don’t think I would feel the same emotions if this album was recorded with a more mature, older voice.

---

Rating system:

☆☆☆☆ Love - play this at my funeral ☆☆☆ Like - skippable, but still good ☆☆ Meh - this does nothing for me ☆ Hate - I’ve only listened to this once just to confirm I hated it (⭒ you might see these little guys pop up from time to time, which represent a half star because I can’t make up my damned mind)

For a couple of tracks I give two different ratings because sometimes a remixed version is better than the original.

---

A Song for ×× album tracks

Track 1: “Prologue” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like It’s a prelude. Not the best or worst, but a good one.

Track 2: “A Song for ××” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love Are you really even an Ayu fan if you don’t like this song? Kidding! But seriously, I think it’s safe to say that this is a very, very important song to Ayumi; if the number of its live performances aren’t an indicator, the drama from even watching one is enough to move you. One of my favorite live performances ever is from her A Museum tour—the a cappella beginning of the first verse and bridge lures you in and forces you to listen, for her only to then blow you away with the booming orchestral intensity of the chorus. GAH! Fuck me up, Ayu!

Her “030213 Session #2 Take” re-recording of it on the A BALLADS compilation album provides a more organic, and arguably more powerful listening experience. Though she is older, you still can hear the strength of her despair. Her loneliness and strong façade hasn’t left, but has only changed and grew up with her.

The “Ferry Corsten Chilled Mix” from her first ayu trance album is also a total vibe. Great remix.

Track 3: “Hana” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I’d file this one under: “the remixes are better than the original.” I mean the original is still a good listen, but the “dub’s trance remix” and acoustic orchestra version give it more oomph and dimension respectively (both are found on the first ayu-mi-x compilation). The lyrics reflect a fear of the relative unknown, or rather, a fear of growing, only to wilt or get stepped on. And I love how her considerably sad and pensive lyrics are backed with lively arrangements; it’s one of the many things I love about her music.

Track 4: “FRIEND” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love This 👏🏼 song 👏🏼 is 👏🏼 underrated 👏🏼 OMG do I love this song, it’s so fucking wholesome. This track was the one which truly solidified my love for ASf××. Like if this had a music video, I can totally see it popping up on the Disney channel back in the late ‘90s with Ayu dancing at a beach carnival in a pair of Keds or something. Though this song is not devoid of sadness, there is a bit of hope to it, and it’s just simply, super pure. It’s definitely a personal fave. 

Track 5: “FRIEND II” Rating: ☆☆ Meh It’s forgettable... I’m having a hard time trying to remember how it goes. I’m sure if I heard it, I’d be like “Ohhhh yeah!” but my mind is only broken picture links rn.

Okay I’ve listened to it and for some reason I get “Song 4 u” vibes like the very beginning guitar riff sounds like the “S4u” chorus, and even the build to the “FII” chorus is similar, I almost expect “S4u” sung over this. At least she copied herself LOL I mean it’s not a terrible song, but the first FRIEND is the better FRIEND.

Track 6: “poker face” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Yes it’s her first single ev4r so like, it’s all important and shit. But I feel there are better tracks on this album which easily eclipse the song. Though it fits in well with the album as a whole. Perhaps as a single compared to only “FRIEND” it holds its own but honestly, just it being Ayu’s debut song is really the only reason why I even remember it.

Track 7: “Wishing” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like I believe this is the first (and only) slow ballad that pops up on the album, and also believe this was a good foundation laid for the rest of the slow ballads of her career. This song showcases the youth and yearn of her voice very well. Does anyone know if she has even performed this song live?

Track 8: “YOU” Rating: ☆☆ Meh (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (”Aggressive Mix”) I’ll be real: this original track is boring. Though the “Aggressive Mix” on the first ayu-ro mix album slaps for years and I don’t even really care for Eurobeat. The “FINE MIX” on the ayu-mi-x album is also pretty groovy with that—albeit slow—reggae vibe. I’d argue any remix of this song gives it way more personality and likability. 

Confession time: back when cosplay shows at cons were just like a mishmash of skits planned the day of and walk-ons, I thought about actually doing some kind of one-woman interpretive dance to the “Aggressive Mix.” It never happened so you’re welcome. 

Track 9: “As if...” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like This is just a good bop. I love the fake-out beginning of the slow piano and then: !!!TATOEBA!!!

Also I really appreciate the bass during the verses, like it goes ~BUM BUM~ every four counts and it’s just something nice and subtle which contributes positively to the song.

Track 10: “POWDER SNOW” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like (original); ☆☆☆☆ Love (acoustic orchestra) Three words: acoustic orchestra version. Are y’all seeing the pattern here? But seriously, this song supported by the simplicity of a haunting piano completely changes the mood of this song for the better. I will agree that the original arrangement has a great buildup, but it doesn’t compare to the emotion of the acoustic version.

Also, do any of you fellow old people remember Kazaa? When I was Ayu-curious, I was looking for random songs to download and the acoustic orchestra version of “POWDER SNOW” was one of the first songs I ever downloaded (maybe that plays into my bias). 

Honestly, now that I think about it, it might have been Morpheus at the time...

Track 11: “Trust” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like Also one of the first songs I ever heard from Ayu, so I like it for nostalgic reasons. Otherwise I would have relegated this to the ‘meh’ pile. 

This is one of the first Japanese songs I ever learned to sing, so I gotta give credit to my 14-year-old self.

Track 12: “Depend on you” Rating: ☆⭒ M— (I don’t hate it, but don’t not hate it enough to warrant the full ‘Meh’) This song is overrated :D The only good thing to come from this single is “Two of us.” Next! 

Track 13: SIGNAL Rating: ☆☆⭒ Meh-eh? Well...? It’s a good track, I respect it. Not as memorable as the other songs but it fits well in the album. A good filler song.

Track 14: “from your letter” Rating: ☆☆☆ Like The very beginning with the snaps and twinkly sounds are pretty cool. The song is enjoyable and calls for some shoulder moving at least. There was a remix on AHS a long time ago by sleeperspaceborn which was pretty damned good, and in fact made me like this song. 

Track 15: “For My Dear...” Rating: ☆☆☆⭒ Like Like  Here for the drama and the high notes, shoot it straight into my bloodstream and do not resuscitate. The Acoustic Version is also a great remix, I love how she sounds like she’s screaming over the piano and guitar.

Track 16: “Present” Rating: ☆☆ Meh Like “FRIEND II” I can’t remember this song...

Ah there it is! *proceeds to forget again*

Non-album tracks:

“Two of us” Rating: ☆☆☆☆ Love I absolutely l-o-v-e this song right down to the cheesy, slow dance prom-y feel to it. Hell, even the “touch of mahogany mix” is one of the best remixes; I dare you not to at least bob your head when you hear it. This song can only be found on the Depend on You single and it’s a damn shame it didn’t make it to the ASf×× album. However maybe this can be considered her first slow ballad... but again, solid foundation. The lyrics are once again so pain-ridden and sorrowful, but then when you hear it against that funky rhythm on the “touch of mahogany mix,” you can’t help but submit to the dissonance of snapping along while in tears.

Also Xelakad provided an ah-mazing remix of this song on AHS a while back too. It seriously turns this song into a spiritual experience.

---

Average era rating: ☆☆☆ Like

If I could describe this album in two words, they would be: cohesive and precious. Yes her lyrics reflect hurt, rejection, and cynicism, but against the pop rock beats and her high voice, the album maintains an element of innocence. I believe it was a strong and consistent debut relative to her discography, as we are introduced to a young and weary Ayu who’s uncertain about the future, of love, of herself... *le sigh*

But let’s tie everything up in a nice pretty bow. For the list of Ayu’s creative bests, the common denominator is how much I really loved the drama and uniqueness of the tracks. Given that Ayu’s music style quickly evolved after this album, we conceivably don’t and won’t hear any songs like these ever again, and that’s why they’re just special.

The ‘Loves’ (only in order of track listing): A Song for ×× FRIEND POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) YOU “Aggressive Mix” Two of us

Ayu’s creative bests: A Song for ×× POWDER SNOW (Acoustic Orchestra) For My Dear... Two of us

***

Credits: -Album art from Wikipedia -Concert screenshots from eneabba.net/ayu

Disclaimer: this post is solely my personal view and opinion. I am a Westerner with no fluency in Japanese, and so my viewpoint is shaped from English translations provided by ahsforum.com and all the feels from years of daily listening.