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iheartbookbran · 4 years

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Anthony, Penelope, Marina and Colin deserved better...

Beware, rant ahead

Ok I wish I didn’t feel such strong need to continue beating this dead horse but oopsie, I will very much be beating it some more.

Like, my fave books of the Bridgerton series are Anthony’s and Colin’s books, so I’m seething about what they did with their characterizations, Anthony and Penelope in particular, because Colin’s only real sin was being boring, and if you remember how funny he’s in the books it makes me wanna fall on my knees and ask Chris Van Dusen whyyyy omg why would you do something like that to such a dynamic character. So yeah, Colin is boring af and a moron but at least he isn’t an asshole the way show Anthony and Penelope are, and I’ve seen people say that they can always be redeemed in future seasons, if we get them, but that’s exactly my problem, because they never had to be redeemed in the books, to begin with. Penelope more so than Anthony but let me begin by defending my boy.

Is he a jerk sometimes? Sure. Is he actively awful and uncaring towards those close to him, especially his family? Hell no, quite the opposite, in fact. Not to be controversial on main but in the books... he was right in not wanting Daphne to be courted by a man who he knew damn right had no intention of marrying her and as far as he was aware was only making her waste her time, and he was right in demanding Simon pay for compromising her honor. Could he have been more mindful of what Daphne had to say and listened to her wishes? Of course, but considering Simon and Daphne (both in the show and in the books) aren’t exactly masters in communication themselves, Anthony doesn’t come off as the biggest offender in that situation.

What he never did was force Daphne, or any of his sisters really, to do anything; if they didn’t like a guy then that guy was out of their lives no question asked, and he loved them enough to always have their best interests at heart, for his sisters and his brothers, to the point that even though he’s traumatized and thinks he’s gonna die young he’s still willing to get past that to do his duty and marry, because he doesn’t want to pass that burden on to his little brothers (so him deciding to leave all his responsibilities to Benedict so he can fck off with his mistress is... like, a choice lmao). In fact all the subplot with Siena felt like a choice on the writers part, like they truly liked Benedict and Sophie’s story so they just slapped it on Anthony so he could act all sad and sexy while they gave us foreshadowing with the subtlety of a warharmer that he’s ending up with Kate anyways (and that Benedict is ending with Sophie anyways too, so they would be using that storyline twice, unless they do make him bi and fall in love with a man, but maybe that’s too much of ask for this show), so what was Siena’s purpose in the story? Who tf knows not me.

Now Penelope, my god. Yes I know I joke Penny has never done anything wrong in her life, and I still love her, but she was wrong. Very much so. What she did was significantly worse than what Marina did, which I still don’t condone at all. Like yes, I still maintain that Marina tricking Colin into marriage was wrong (and I’ll go later on why that whole subplot was racist af), but what Penelope did could have not only ruined Marina and herself and her sisters reputations, but it was basically condemning an innocent unborn child to a life in the streets, that’s messed up. Even if Marina was rose-coloring her potential life with Colin and he might have grown to resent her, at least the baby would’ve been alright. And my problem with that whole subplot is that all of it was resolved so neatly, with Sir Phillip sweeping in to save the day so we don’t have to actually see what Penelope’s actions could have caused, but the implications are still very much there.

And I’m cracking my mind trying to figure out whether the showrunners just... really hate Colin’s book and Penelope as a character so they’re trying to inflict some kind of character assassination on her so they can get away with writing him off with another person without causing much outrage, or if they just thought there wasn’t enough ~drama~ or stakes on their book so they have to add them, and give him some kind of bullshit tragic romantic past to explain why he doesn’t want to marry, whereas in the books, the reason he doesn’t marry anyone is because he doesn’t feel like it, and that’s ok, there’s no need for every character to have a tragic backstory and to be riddled with angst; Colin is that character, he’s an easy going guy who’s just not interested in marriage until he falls in love with Penny AND THAT’S VALID, just because he doesn’t have the most complex motivations out there doesn’t mean he isn’t a compelling character. The stakes in his story after he discovers Penny is Whistledown are, as he points out, that she has insulted so many people there’s no way some of them wouldn’t want to retaliate if word came out, and he cares for her and doesn’t want her to get hurt (there’s also a dumb part about him being secretly jealous of her accomplishments as Whistledown, but thankfully he gets over that pretty quickly).

But while I am on that, it is true that Penelope wrote some uncharitable things about the mean people around her, but she never ever ruined someone’s reputation, let alone endanger the future of a child. Was she a bitch sometimes? Yeah, but she was also kind to a lot of people and her criticism was never unwarranted and never did more damage than maybe annoy a couple of girls like Cressida. I just hate the idea of this needing to turn into some sort of ~redemption arc~ for Penelope because, again, in the books she really didn’t have to make up for anything, definitely not to Colin, who was actually the one who had to do much of the heavy lifting in their relationship when he realized that he literally slept on her for years.

And now regarding Marina, like yes, she was wrong and I stand by that statement (but not as wrong as Penelope), but tbh I find it hard to be mad at her when they gave her such a racist storyline, as the scheming woc who gets pregnant out of wedlock and then tries to seduce the innocent white man, until the virtuous white girl needs to step up to save him. At least that’s what I thought initially as the writers intention, but honestly I’m not so sure anymore, I doubt they will continue to write her and Colin as a couple otherwise they would’ve bothered to show them interacting outside of her manipulating him and him acting like a bumbling idiot, the most sincere moment they had together was when he comforted her about the lie, but by that time this bitch (me) was empty and didn’t give a shit anymore. Literally all their other interactions where shown through Penelope’s POV to let us know she was sad, and Colin’s most significant scenes where again... with Penelope (because it isn’t as if he has a family and his own moments in the books outside of being an object for Penelope to pine after).

And as I said before, Marina had a—relatively—happy ending: married to a man she doesn’t love (just as she didn’t love Colin) but who will treat her right and care for her and her child in comfort. Is arguably a better ending than if she’d married Colin because now she doesn’t have to go through the trouble of explaining things to her new husband and run the risk of him resenting her forever. Phillip may not love her but he knows who he’s marrying and why he’s marrying her. That’s literally the same fate Marina had in the books, and it makes me wonder why, oh why would the writers do that.

Why create such a contrived plot to give a character who appears in one(1) chapter of an 8 books series then promptly dies, all at the expense of the characterization of one of the most beloved heroines of said books series? Why would you write this racist storyline for a character whose fate is dying? And now I’m horrified at the repercussions that can come with Marina committing su*cide like in canon, because the implications would be that Penelope would be responsible for it (and I hate the idea of blaming one person for the su*cide of another, fictional or otherwise, is harmful and we need to be careful with making such implications), which would make her even less redeemable or like, likable in general. Not to mention that would be like putting the final racist nail in Marina’s coffin by giving her that ending.

It makes me wonder, seriously, if Chris Van Dusen hated Romancing Mister Bridgerton that much, if he loathed the idea of writing a fat character finding love and getting sex that much. I just wanna know why lmfao.

#rant over #if i sound salty is because i am #like there actually were a lot of aspects i did enjoy but i just cannot get past this #though this rant helped me a lot to feel better so there’s that #tellmewhy.gif #anthony bridgerton #penelope featherington #marina thompson #colin bridgerton #polin #tagging them bc i rant quite a lot about how they ruined their relationship #enjoy the salt uwu #bridgerton #bridgerton netflix #bridgerton spoilers #meta #my meta

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samwrights · 4 years

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Pining After You [hc]

Just some Haikyuu!! head cannons about my favorites pining after the object of their affection—you. I’m gonna limit myself to only one Seijoh 3rd year >_> instead, I’m just gonna make Makki’s super long bc love.

I might turn these into one shots. I’m planning a special series to be released for the entire month of May—let me know what you guys think!

Hanamaki;

Ya know, with my last head cannon, I had such a hard time writing for Makki and now that’s all I wanna do.

Cause THIS BOI is too easy-going, too cool, to ever be blunt and up front about his feelings for you. He can’t ruin his image by stumbling over a confession.

Definitely has been in love with you since your guys’ first year—all thanks to your laugh.

Every time he hears you, even if said laugh is occasionally broken with a gentle, genuine snort, Makki feels every single electrical pulse being sent into his nerve endings.

It was a huge part of the reason that he had started owning the class clown trope, cracking jokes with his peers and even the teachers even though that definitely was not kosher. But his almost dry, sarcastic sense of humor always seemed to be rewarded with the angelic gift that was your laughter.

But he doesn’t know how to talk to you. At all.

He tries really hard not to stare at you, or at least tries not to make it super obvious and fails considering you sit on the opposite ends of the classroom

Makki always has lunch in Mattun’s classroom just so he can freely talk about something you did in class that made him laugh or smile, even if it was something stupid like you dropped your pencil or you raised your hand to answer a question.

In your third year, Mattsun is tIRED of it all.

“Just go fucking confess your feelings, I swear to gOD, or I’ll tell her.”

“Dude no, I can’t she’s way outta my league.”

Did I mention Mattsun is over it? So over it that one day, instead of waiting for his best friend to come to his classroom for lunch, he decides to pay yours a visit.

Makki’s freaking out because the fCK was Mattsun walking over to your desk?!

“She’s coming to our tournament this weekend, so bring your A game.” Was all he said before leaving the poor wing spiker to drown in the blood rising up his neck.

You weren’t friends with anyone on the VBC, but you did actually end up at the tournament with a few friends.

Exhilarating was the only way to describe it, up until Seijoh’s loss to Karasuno.

After the team thanked the spectators for watching, you noticed all the third years crying, signifying the end of their careers.

“Thank you for inviting me to watch, Matsukawa. It was really fun.” You said politely, approaching them afterwards.

Mattsun shoves his best friend towards you, “actually, he wanted to invite you. He just didn’t know how.”

Makki.exe has stopped working. He’s too busy spluttering because he literally has no idea what to say to you now. Cool boy? Not even close.

“I’ve actually wanted to come to one of your matches for awhile. I just thought it was weird because I’m not friends with any of you.”

Oh. O H.

“Y-you could’ve asked me...”

“I was hoping you’d ask me. Why do you think I always laugh at your jokes, Hanamaki?”

“Wait, does that mean you don’t think I’m actually funny?” 💀💀💀 Rip.

“I do. You’re funny, talented, handsome, and I’ve liked you since first year.”

Makki.exe has stopped working.

Akaashi;

Akaashi has studied everything he could about you without ever having actually interacted with you.

He knew you were in Bokuto’s class, he knew your name, and that the two of you interacted often, but never outside of the classroom.

He knew that you always carried your school bag over your left shoulder, and tucked your hair behind your right ear when you felt it was in your face.

Your energy somehow matched his best friend’s while simultaneously calming the owl captain like a gentle wave. You reminded Akaashi of the sun rising over the ocean.

Bokuto, oblivious to nearly everything, never realized that his best friend’s calculations went beyond analyzing the ace. One small section of his brain was dedicated to your ass.

Really, there wasn’t anything extraordinary about you, or at least that’s how you felt about yourself. But every time Akaashi swung by Bokuto’s class to walk with him to practice, his eyes were immediately drawn to you for .067 seconds before he’d look away, so as not to make you feel uncomfortable.

Once in a while, Bokuto would let small details about you slip, like how you were in the art club and that you had a showcase coming up displaying the portfolio you had built over the last three years.

He definitely didn’t ditch practice to be there for your showcase.

Showing up to the venue where the showcase was being held, he suddenly felt very under dressed seeing other third years and teachers adorning formal attire while he showed up in black jeans and a grey button up.

Wandering around the venue, Akaashi looked for you or your artwork, his breath held in his lungs when he saw the arsenal of works displayed on large black boards with your name written elegantly at the very top. Made with various mediums, he was stunned by different paintings and drawings of surreal, exquisite landscapes that could not possibly exist.

Then again, he didn’t think you were real either.

One particular painting invoked a strange emotion in him—a large, desecrated shipwreck amongst of field of bright flowers with the sun setting in the back. Titled “Crack The Sky”, the piece emanated joy and grief in one. It was almost as stunning as you were.

“This one’s my favorite.” You announced sheepishly from beside him and he realized he had never heard your voice before. The setter turned to look at you, drinking in your appearance up close for the first time. “You’re Bokuto’s friend, aren’t you? Akaashi?”

He was kinda hurt to hear you mention Bokuto for reasons unknown to himself jealous much?

“Yeah. It’s nice to meet you.” He bows slightly, remember that no matter how infatuated he was with you, you were still his senpai.

He began walking with you as you explained the creation process of your different pieces. Not that he was actually paying attention, though he’d never admit that. He just liked hearing you talk and he would definitely never admit that.

You excuse yourself as your phone rings, though you don’t walk away, allowing him to hear your end of the conversation. “Yep, he’s here. I owe you dinner. You wanna talk to him?” Akaashi cocks a brow in your direction, staring at your cellphone that you’ve now held over to him. Bokuto’s name flashed on the screen.

“Uh, hi?” The setter asked, confused.

“I made a bet with her that you would ditch practice to go to her showcase because yOu LoVe HeR.”

Aight, imma head out.

Before he could run away out of embarrassment, you grabbed his wrist though you were still on the phone with Bokuto.

“Would you like to join us for dinner? Seems kinda unfair for him to get dinner when you’re the one who made the effort to be here.”

Akaashi graciously accepts to which you respond by telling Bokuto where you would meet him for the evening.

“So you love me, huh?” 💀💀💀 If Akaashi could magically disappear, he would. Or even better, if his blush ran hot enough to melt the skin off his face, that’d be great too.

But you never let go of his wrist until now, opting to wrap an arm around his instead.

“I like you too. Why do you think Bokuto and I made a bet about you coming here, silly?”

Kenma;

Poor Kenma. The worst part of his whole situation was actually being friends with you, knowing he would never get to have you.

Why would you want him, anyway? You were more fit for someone like Kuroo—someone who was as boisterous and confident as you were. He anticipated the day you two announced your relationship and left him behind in your little trio.

Not even Kuroo knew that he was in love with you and maybe that was a mistake on his part but he could never tell his best friend that you were his entire world. It was too embarrassing for him.

It took entirely too much energy to even sort through his feelings alone, how much more exhausting would it be for him to run through every single thing he felt about you to someone else?

Like the way you would nearly skip out your home every morning when the boys came to fetch you to walk to school together.

Or the way you unabashedly asked almost too personal of questions, or questions that were just soooo left field of you were friends with a person. “Hey Kuroo, how many brushes do you think you would break if you finally decided to brush your hair after 17 years?” Was one of Kenma’s favorites.

The way you sing along to every song that plays on your iPod or even the radio, even if you didn’t know the song, you would try to sing along anyway.

Some days, Kenma would look out the window and see you practicing some form of a dance routine in your backyard. He would watch you for hours until you went inside, suddenly feeling shame for being so creepy.

Nearly every night, Kenma just wished he could turn his feelings off while simultaneously wishing you were next to him so he could hold you while he slept.

Your smile was his favorite. Seeing you smile every morning as the three of you walked to school together was what got him through his day. “Hey, hey are you guys coming to my dance competition tomorrow?” You asked in your typical, jovial lilt.

“Of course.” Was all he was able to reply, while Kuroo enthusiastically responded about their attendance.

“Great! I can’t wait to see you guys in the crowd!”

The “C” word, was almost enough to make Kenna regret his decision to come. Even more so when he was surrounded by the masses, all waiting to watch their respective dance teams. But it was for you, and he would do anything for you.

Kuroo was right beside him, a small bouquet of roses in his hand to give to you after you competed. The blood red flowers made Kenna glower and glare in secret, or as secretive as he could be. “I got these for you.” The captain says quietly, handing them over to his best friend.

“Sorry, Kuroo, I can’t say I return your feelings—“

“For you to give to her, you idiot.” 🤡🤡🤡 “I’m not that dumb, Kenma.” The setter really wanted to argue and say that he was, but your school’s dance team was up to perform so he opted to stay quiet.

Have I mentioned that Kenma loves watching you dance? There was a reason he would watch you practice in your backyard. You moved with elegance and grace that was foreign and so opposite to his own demeanor, it was no wonder he was always so captivated by you.

After you compete, there’s a bit of downtime between the other competitors and the awards ceremony, giving you the chance to hang out with your besties.

“These are for you.” The second year says quietly, handing you the bouquet with a blush dusting over his cheeks. The red rivaled that of the roses.

“Aw, thank you, Kenma!” You squeaked out before giving him a kiss on the cheek, his skin burning even hotter. Kuroo’s just over there laughing but ya know.

During the awards ceremony, you’re sitting in a circle with your team not too far from your friends while they announced that Nekoma had taken first. Everyone in the dance troupe began screaming and hugging each other, while you ran straight to your boys.

While still jumping, you were hugging Kuroo so tight, arms squeezing around his neck while sharing the joy. Which made Kenma just a little bit jealous.

Just a little.

Until you’ve settled down from your jumping before wrapping your arms his neck as well. But rather than going for a hug—

Wait what is hAPOENING

You brought your lips to his briefly before burying your face into his neck out of embarrassment because wHY you had thought that was a good idea was beyond you.

Deciding you couldn’t just keep holding onto him, because he was probably embarrassed too, you stepped away, ready to run back to your team. But Kenma didn’t let go, his arms seated securely at your hips as he stared at you.

“I-I’m sorry, I-I don’t know w-w—“

“I love you.”

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szivtalan · 4 years

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character ask: kagami, momoi, alex and himuro 👀👀👀

!!! omg thank u Ceru! u might be one of my favorite mutuals <33 (putting this under a read more just so I can speak at lengths about each individual character)

Why I like Kagami: this is where I sarcastically ask “why DON’T i like him” but that’s literally the next question so; he’s everything i want to be and more. He has the determination and the willpower to make his own dreams come true, he’s gay as shit, he’s tall and buff and well-adjusted, mature enough to live on his own at an annoyingly young age, he’s funny and dumb and a total himbo as well as an excellent advisor bc of how grounded he is.

Why I don’t: I’m... not really good with explosive people. Violent men with loud voices especially scare me, and I’d think I’d flinch around him a lot and that would make me rlly anxious.

Favorite episode: it’s a toss-up between the Seirin fam visiting his place for the first time (is it where Kuroko confesses his love to him and then passes out in his arms? idk), and the onsen episode. I also loved all his plays against Kise and Aomine. AND the training camp w him running a lot in the sand.

Favorite season/movie: season 2 probably because he’s not a jerk anymore, but he’s still on his way to shed off any asshole behavior stuck to him. And I actually liked Last Game?

Favorite line: “There’s no such thing as useless effort.” and “This is our drama and we write the plot.” because he’s so ridiculous.

Favorite outfit: all of his casual fits... comfy but manly is my Jam

OTP: AoKaga....they’re truly soulmates, star-crossed lovers, canonically brought together by fate.

Brotp/otp no. 2: KagaKuro, I love them

Head Canon: I have several collections because I think too much about this boy, but here’s something I think about his family: he doesn’t know what happened to his mom. He never asked, because it wasn’t relevant, and he didn’t want to inconvenience his dad by questioning him. Occasionally, as a kid he felt like he was missing out on something (seeing other kids with their moms, feeling like they’re being treated with much more gentle care because they have moms), but as he grew older he realized that nurturing behavior shouldn’t have been limited to only a mother, and that he was just straight up neglected without any regards to missing a parent in his life.

Unpopular opinion: I never realized this was an unpopular opinion but I’m glad he went back to America at the end of Last Game. Obviously, it’s sad that he had to separate from the others, but I felt like Japanese basketball has always been just a stepping point to him, and now that he’d beat the best of them, it was time to move on. And it also warms my heart that him getting scouted in the US gave Aomine hope to aim big, too. I felt like both of them would’ve felt trapped in Japan with their skill sets.

A wish: I want him to be happy and gay and to confront Himuro and tell him how hurt he was by how he treated him and probably do the same to his dad too

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: ....whatever I’d say Shinsun has probably written it/will write it, but I don’t want him to forget about the GoM just because he becomes a world-famous athlete.

5 words to best describe them: sweet child with anger issues

My nickname for them: not mine (it’s Sypha’s) but “Kags”, Kagami, Tigerboy, Kagababe, Baby

Why I like Momoi: she is SO nurturing and sweet and she cares so much about her boys!! I’m sorry it always turns into “how they remind me of myself” but actually I get feeling like a background character and being the moral/emotional/physical support of those who are more talented or in any way better than you. I feel a strange kind of kinship with her and also,,, feminine girls make my heart stop, and it doesn’t get more feminine than Momoi. Added: Aomine aside, the Touou team wouldn’t worth shit without her skills tbh, and she’s not in any way less than the GoM. Also, I appreciate her being the one person to try to keep their friend group together.

Why I don’t: Analytical People Scare me like!! how do u know stuff people are Unknowable!! I usually am also irked by her pointing out Riko’s breast size but I can just pretend that’s in a gay way (maybe Momoi likes girls with small boobs and she’s just bad at flirting) (also I don’t exactly liked her calling Aomine a “ganguro” but I have too little knowledge on the use of this word to say exactly why)

Favorite episode (scene if movie): uh the one where Aomine made her cry? It really came through how much love she actually has for her friends at that one.

Favorite season/movie: she was great in all of them!!

Favorite line: I can’t remember the exact quote and Google isn’t really helpful either but the one where she made Kuroko promise they’ll always play together or something? Or that they’re gonna beat Aomine?? idk?

Favorite outfit: I like all of them but mostly I just appreciate her wearing so many hoodies, she looks so cute in them

OTP / Brotp: it’s both AoMomo. I feel like the have the most special and strongest bond in the entire series.

Head Canon: She’s never been shown to do, but I feel like she wears Aomine’s clothes a Lot. Also, they definitely have sleepovers To This Day.

Unpopular opinion: Momoi is good at basketball and she loves playing!!! But try being successful in it when ur opponents are Giants and Way More Buff than you are

A wish: I wish people appreciated her more!! Both in fandom and in canon. She’s an amazing person and she has her own skills and strengths that are rarely explored or even mentioned anywhere.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her falling out with her boys ;-; I do not want that

5 words to best describe them: strawberry sweetheart to steal ur heart

My nickname for them: Satsuki :> I feel like it’s a little too much to call characters on their first names sometimes but hers is so cute I can’t

Why I like Alex: yet again another woman with an extensive skill set. I love her persistence and again I appreciate getting disillusioned and finding your way back to the thing you love. Also it’s just sweet that she did that by teaching (again, something I can relate to)

Why I don’t: the whole “kissing children” thing rubbed me the wrong way but again, just like Momoi’s obsession with comparing breast sizes, it’s just bad/sexist writing from Fujimaki probably

Favorite episode (scene if movie): adshg any and all where she expressed that Himuro and Kagami are equally important to her <33 that shit makes my heart burst

Favorite season/movie: she only appears towards the end of s2 and in s3 so... I guess s3?

Favorite line: its so Bad that u literally can’t find the iconic quotes of these iconic ladies anywhere but... her story on finding her passion again through teaching kids, and anytime she mentions her fondness of Kagami and Himuro.

Favorite outfit: her iconic olive green coat with the short red shorts... wtf was that I loved it.

OTP: she doesn’t really interact with people her age but I’ve heard she’s shipped with Masako Araki and I’ve seen some seriously good fanarts and like... Yes Good I’d Love To See It

Brotp: I feel like her and Himuro would be that sassy pair that Kagami tries and fails to contain and they get into all sorts of weird, absurd situations asdjs what I’m trying to say is Kagami has to bail them out of jail from time to time

Head Canon: fck me if I’m wrong but she’s the lesbian single mom of the two gay kids she reluctantly adopted from the streets

Unpopular opinion: it’s more like another headcanon, but she can dunk and she taught Kagami how to do it.

A wish: I’d love her to coach the Seirin fam more!! Pls let her be part of her children’s lives (she could also judge streetball games between the goms it would be fun)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: anything about her being romantically involved with her pupils makes me.................no

5 words to best describe them: Beautiful Beach Blonde Basketball....goddess

My nickname for them: Alex!! sometimes An Icon

Why I like Himuro: em dash Asdgsdj I’m joking, I’m becoming more and more fond of the boy. Once I realized that he shouldn’t have been the “bigger person” in that situation and one year doesn’t really mean much when you’re that young and that hurt, I realized he’s actually a good and hard-working kid and I’m sorry for giving him so much shade. Also I really like his snark and sass, but that might not even be canon at this point tbh

Why I don’t: I’m still sort of irked by him beating down on Kagami because he was envious/mad, but I realized the aspect of that situation that Really got to me was how devoted Kagami still was to him after all that. That devotion was what felt toxic, nothing that Himuro actually did to him.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): the time they met up w Kagami just to exchange a dramatic socially distancing bro fist and a few encouraging words.... gays be Like That

Favorite season/movie: I really didn’t mind s3 Himuro

Favorite line: apparently he’s said some iconic stuff that I don’t remember (and my sources don’t seem really legit) but I’m gonna say “let’s see you become number 1, bro” because again, that’s just so ridiculous and endearing. On one hand he really went from loathing Kagami to rooting for him and wanting him to reach his full potential and on the other, honey ur like 17 stop speaking like That

Favorite outfit: his knitted V-neck sweaters and the black coat with the white fur.... boy’s got all the fashion sense that’s missing from Kagami

OTP: can I say.....AoHimu asdfh I ship 3/4 of these characters with Aomine what does that say about me

Brotp: KagaHimu. They can be sweet, but I’ve only ever seen Jake write them really well

Head Canon: I’ve been entertaining the idea of....trans Himuro.....

Unpopular opinion: everyone thinks that Kagami is the violent kid and Himuro is the chill, sweet child who’s somehow wound up with this mess of a fiery tiger, but it’s actually Himuro who taught Kagami how to fight and Kagami learned quite a lot of aggression from him

A wish: I feel like Himuro should’ve gotten a separate episode to explore his thoughts, feelings and past. He had so much potential as a character Is2g

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: him quitting basketball would fucking destroy me. I’d be devastated for others too, but it would really pull on my heartstrings if he just dropped the only thing he’s been so passionate about.

5 words to best describe them: gender-non-conforming emo child

My nickname for them: Himu, Tatsuya, Tatsu

#ask and i shall answer #izukillme #himuro tatsuya #alex garcia #momoi satsuki #kagami taiga #this is long as fuck #also happy birthday himuro??!!!!!

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nehswritesstuffs · 3 years

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hey! just finished reading your The Teacher, the Media Man, and the President of the United States series, absolutely loved it. since it picks up from s8, i was wondering whether clara had explained the doctor to malcolm, and what that convo looked like. thanks for all your writing, it's brilliant to read! :)

Aaaah, thank you! It’s been rather a while since I’ve read that series, let alone written anything for it, but this prompt from July really flicked a switch in my brain and ahahaha time for Nehs to be back on her old shit.

4224 words; takes place in a bunch of different places as far as the continuity goes so I’m just kind of winging it (and it also means, I guess, that you have to have read the series to understand what the fck’s going on (on tumblr, you can find the prompts here)); contains potentially weird and/or terrifying implications in regards to Malcolm in this verse; the last part might be wildly non-canon for this verse, depends on how I feel later on; I WANT TO THANK WHOMEVER IT IS SENDING IN ALL THE FUN PROMPTS bc idk if you’re one person or a bunch of people but I’ve got some really fun and interesting things from the past few months (especially since I just reposted my prompts call) and y’all gonna keep me busy :D

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Malcolm and Clara’s lives were a veritable whirlwind of chaos as they tried to pull together a wedding on the short-notice they gave themselves. They wanted a quick turn-around in order to get it out of the way, and to attract the least amount of attention from potential people at either workplace, his in particular.

“Is there anyone you want to invite?” he wondered. It was a Sunday afternoon, with the both of them coordinating the next couple of months together as they prepped for the week ahead. “I mean, other than your dad and gran?”

“Maybe if we were doing something else that was bigger, but not really,” she shrugged. She saw him giving her a tentative look from across the dining room table, as though he was unsure of her answer. “What…?”

“Your friend,” he said. “Your best friend. The one who left around when Danny died. Do you have his contact info? If you’re comfortable with the idea, I’d like to invite him, to show no hard feelings.”

Clara’s heart felt as though it constricted at the mention. Shit—the Doctor…? She was hoping she’d be able to get around talking about him for a long, long time yet, and now…

“Clara? Love? Do you have his contact info?”

“Yes, but… I’m not calling him. Not unless it’s an emergency.”

“I would think that he’d want to know if—”

“No,” she snapped. He seemed to nearly recoil at that, taken aback by her sudden outburst. “Sorry—just… I think it’s a good idea to keep that life and this one separate. I’ve got my reasons.”

“As long as that reason’s a good one, then fine,” he replied. Malcolm looked at his fiancée in confusion, seeing that there was something not right, something she wasn't telling him. She stood and began to pace; yeah, it wasn’t fucking good at all. “Clara…? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m… no… no I’m not.” She sank down onto the couch and let herself sink into it. “I don’t know whose absence I’ve felt worse: Danny or John.” She closed her eyes and exhaled heavily, allowing the weight of everything to ease out of her. How did so much build up? She didn’t want to know. The sound of her fiancé reached her ears as he joined her on the couch. “I don’t regret my relationship with him, nor am I ashamed, but I think it’s for the best that we… just don’t talk. At all.”

“...not unless it’s a dire fucking emergency.”

“Thank you for understanding.” She opened her eyes and took his hand in hers, forcing a smile for him. “He’s not a bad man, or a jealous man, or anything of the sort, but I do think it’s for the better.”

“Then we’ll drop it,” he promised. “I want to be welcomed in my own bed, don’t I?”

She smirked at that as, yes, yes he did. They went back to the table together to continue their work, building a guest list and narrowing down venues, putting the entire conversation behind them.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Years passed and very little was ever mentioned in regards to Clara’s mysterious friend from before she met Malcolm. Little was said, less was insinuated, and all seemed to pass in peaceful regard. They started their family, adjusted careers, and even ventured out into a new life across the ocean, helping a former protege to run another country’s government despite certain obstacles and pleas.

...and yet she never truly forgot.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Mom? Can you help me with this?”

Clara glanced over and saw her teenaged son staring at her, his textbooks all splayed out before him on the table while she tapped away at her laptop computer, the remnants of their dinner everywhere. Seventh grade was tough on the lad, but she knew that he could handle it—he had to, if he wanted to help his Aunt Courtney in her future presidential bid. She raised an eyebrow when she saw what it was.

“History? You’re great at history.”

“Thanks, but there’s something not right about this,” the teen frowned. “You’re smart and sane, so I want to see if it’s just me.”

“You’re asking someone who went through the British education system? What about the Great Why-Be-Thankful-For-Regicidal-Monsters Fiasco of Kindergarten?”

“I’ll take my chances.”

“Fair enough,” she smirked. Clara sat in the chair next to Daniel and leaned over so she could see the book. “What are we looking at?”

“This paragraph about the early days of Nixon,” he said. “It’s not making sense.”

“You haven’t been listening to that nutter at your school, have you?”

“No, it’s just… something feels off. This paragraph right here talks about how completely and intensely paranoid he was, and yet if you take this one,” he grabbed another book, “there’s nothing. Almost like there’s two different stories.”

“Sometimes there are several different stories, depending on who you ask,” Clara assured. “In fact, you know that there’s almost always at least two sides. That’s what history is, trying to find the balance between those stories, all the varying perspectives, if there is any just way to rectify them at all. Not everything has multiple sides though, despite the fact some might say otherwise, and other times the one side locks out others due to lies.”

“Well, yeah, that’s true, but… something just feels off. Like what’s written down wasn’t always the case.”

“…that one of your books is revisionist?”

“No, not revisionist, per say.” Daniel scrunched his nose and frowned. “Like something changed somehow.”

Clara took hold of the book and began to glance through it, seeing if she could catch something that was off. American history courses—or at least topics that didn’t involve US-UK relations and world history at-large—were always one of the weaker of the subjects she helped her son with, but much of that was her lack of prior knowledge before her move overseas. The culture shock wasn’t nearly as bad as the curriculum shock, and that was saying something. Flipping through the pages slowly, she continued on until a black-and-white photo on the glossy paper made her stop.

“See?” Daniel shrugged. “It just doesn’t feel right, does it?”

Clara looked at the photo’s caption and tried not to panic. President Nixon with three constituents, White House, undated. It was a fairly normal photo with the exception of two crucial things: that the couple had been British subjects, she knew, and the man wearing the Stetson…

…that was the Doctor.

...that was the Doctor when he was all bowties and floppy hair.

“Mom…? Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah…” She shook her head, attempting to rid herself of the stupor she stumbled into. “Just a case of History Face. I used to date a man who looked like this guy here before I met Dad.”

“History Face is the worst,” Daniel claimed, groaning dramatically. “It’s like finding Putin in all the van Eycks.”

“You’re not wrong,” Clara chuckled. Good—he was distracted by the phenomenon solidly enough so that she had some time to recover. “Humanities is getting a bit weird, is it?”

“Yeah—it’s bad enough that every time we talk about Toulouse-Lautrec, I imagine our Toulouse sitting there, painting in a brothel, and it’s weird as hell.”

At the mention of his name, the cat appeared, demanding snuggles and pets from the thirteen-year-old. It was a good distraction from Clara continuing to read the section around the Doctor’s photo, seeing if there was anything else that could have clued her in to his appearance. There was nothing, and they were able to continue the evening as though nothing was wrong.

There wasn’t anything wrong… there couldn’t’ve been anything wrong...

...but then again, why was he there…?

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It was late that evening by the time Malcolm came home. It had been a rough day, with a certain member of the coalition that Courtney was attempting to build proceeding to fuck up at pronouncing their native language. The only way they could have cocked up more was not saying “orgasm” instead of “organism” in front of an environmental conference, but saying it in front of a room full of kids his son’s age. Luckily, it was just the conference and not accidental pedophilia. He could spin a fucking conference snafu… the other would have meant the moron was more than likely on their own.

“Dad, I think you’re going to have to give up and accept that Americans are dumb by and large,” Daniel shrugged as he brushed his teeth. The lad was standing in his parents’ bathroom, spending what little time he had with his father before they all headed to bed.

“I’m looking at one that might break the mold,” Malcolm chuckled from his seat perched on the edge of his mattress. “You and Courtney both.”

“We’re both raised by Brits.”

“Lancashire, a generation removed from Windrush, and all the Scots charm you can toss a fucking IRN BRU at; at least your Brits are a bit more ethically-sourced than normal,” Malcolm joked. His son spat the toothpaste in the sink and rinsed his toothbrush off.

“Sophia says it’s why her abuela’s so smart, because she’s not American.”

“Mrs. Rodriguez was a literal baby when she came from Cuba, like you were a toddler—she’s more American than... most Americans.”

“...and she’s smarter than them too.”

“She could have become a citizen when her dad did if he’d did so three years earlier, like how you’re a citizen because of me.”

“Yeah, but he didn’t work in government, so he decided to say vete a al mierda because he was eligible during the Reagan Administration and didn’t want the embarrassment.”

“Who told you that?”

“Mrs. Rodriguez. She has some words she uses when she talks about Reagan. It kind of reminds me of you, except a lot more Spanish and possibly even more swearing…”

“Alright, enough theorizing how badass we know our neighbor is and get the fuck to bed—we all got early days tomorrow.”

“Fine,” Daniel groaned. He hugged his father and, after a goodnight kiss to the forehead, left to go down the hall to his bedroom, passing Clara by the door. Another forehead kiss and the boy was off, leaving his parents be.

“Toulouse has been given his pill; you’re welcome,” Clara said as she sat down on the bed. Already in her pajamas, she kicked off her slippers and burrowed underneath the bedding. The toilet flushed, the sink ran, and soon she felt Malcolm join her.

“I’m going to be mopping this shit up for weeks,” he grumbled. “We won’t be rid of this for the entire election cycle.”

“Can’t you just kill him? Get it over with?”

“I fucking wish.” Cuddling in close, he looked at his wife and watched her stare off in the middle distance. Something was wrong—she rarely didn’t reciprocate a cuddle. “Clara…?”

“Malcolm…” She turned her head and looked at her husband of over twenty years, seeing the confused pain in his eyes.

“Are you alright? Is there someone I have to fuck over for you?”

“No, it’s just…” She reached over and placed her hand on his face, drawing strength from him. “I need to call him… the Doctor…”

“Doctor Who?”

“My best friend from before we met,” she said. He took her hand from his face and held it in his own, kissing her fingers. “I need to call John.”

“Do you think his number’s still good?”

She paused, taking a deep breath. “It’s good.”

“What’s it about?”

“Daniel’s homework—I noticed that there was something that he might have been involved with, and I need to know.”

Malcolm processed that and squeezed his wife’s hand gently. “What was it?”

“History.”

“…they’re learning about the Nixon Administration.” A pause. “Clara…?”

“Yes…?”

“How do you know him?”

“Why?”

“He has to be fucking ancient, if he had something to do with stuff around then… unless he wrote the textbook…?”

“No, it’s…” She hesitated. “You love me, right?”

“More than I’ve ever loved myself.”

“John is…” She exhaled heavily, bracing herself. “He’s hard to explain.”

Malcolm moved some hairs from her face, trying to find something to do with his hands that wasn’t necessarily holding her. “He was more than just a friend, wasn’t he?”

“He was; we even dated for a bit, but…” She paused, trying to find the right words. “Sometimes you want to be in love with the mountain, though you know the mountain can’t love you back. It’s too grand and majestic and wild to love you back… so… you force yourself to move on.”

“I don’t like the sound of it, but I’ll trust you,” he said. “I’ve trusted you about too many things to start going back now.”

“...and believe me when I say that he’s the only other one I’d trust nearly on a level with you,” she claimed. She then began to truly settle in for the night, feeling more like the Clara that Malcolm was used to waking up with. “Promise it won’t change anything? I know how much you like to posture.”

“It won’t change a damn thing,” he promised. “We can meet the ol’ fuck together, even, if you don’t think it’ll go smoothly after all these years.”

She nodded silently and they both decided that it was enough talk for the time being. Both needed their sleep, and it was already going to be a short night ahead of them.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

She was finally able to do it two days later.

They left Daniel at home and went to an abandoned highway rest area to do it, to call him up on her cell phone. She had programmed it into each model she’d gotten since they parted ways, and now it was about time she used it. Instead of picking up the phone, the TARDIS materialized some yards away, keeping her distance while still being close enough to be conspicuous.

“Well, fuck,” Malcolm marveled. “Somehow, I shouldn’t be surprised, considering all the shit you’ve called over the years.”

“Please, stay here,” she insisted. He nodded and held her hand until their grasps slipped, her walking towards the TARDIS. She was about to knock on the door when it opened, the Doctor quickly poking his head out.

“Clara, there you are,” he said. “Danny finally learn how to survive on his own?”

“Danny’s been dead for over two decades, Doctor,” she replied gravely. The Doctor blinked—his wild hair and rumpled clothes suggested that he hadn’t much time for grooming or upkeep since they last saw one another, which told her a lot about what had happened—or not happened—in the meantime. “I take it Gallifrey was a bust?”

“More than you know,” he frowned. He glanced over her shoulder, seeing Malcolm standing a few meters away, glaring at him suspiciously. “Who’s the old man?”

“That old man is my husband,” Clara said. “I didn’t think I’d be able to let someone in again after the two of you… but he proved me wrong.” She saw his face darken and she gave him a smile, trying to diffuse the situation. “He’s no Time Lord though.”

“How can you be so certain he’s just not stuck in an Arch?”

“I think the warning signs would have been caught long ago.” She looked at the Doctor and saw the guilt in his eyes, the yearning, the remorse, and wanted to make him forget it, because it was dangerously threatening the fidelity of her marriage vows. “I have a question for you.”

“I assume it’s why you summoned me?”

“It is,” she said. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, exhaling slowly before looking at him again. “Why are you in my son’s history book with former traveling mates and Richard Bloody Nixon?”

“It’s a long story,” he assured, “but what we did was save the Earth from invasion without doing very much at all… well, aside from locking me up in an American high-tech-high-security prison, breaking me out of said prison, and then taking down a force that had been coaxing along humanity since the dawn of history…” He winced when he saw her face was one of incredulousness. “Honest—I can even provide sources.”

“So then that was you, and you did meddle in something the Yanks did?”

“Not that so much as I enlisted the help of one, because he had access to things that I needed.” He paused, considering their conversation. “I would have thought that I remained out of the history books by letting certain people handle things.”

“As it turns out, you didn’t entirely do so,” she reminded him. Clara sighed, looking at him sternly. “Please stay out of my son’s history textbooks.”

“I’ll do my best, but I make no promises,” he said. “I miss you more than anyone I’ve ever left behind, you know that? Everywhere I go, whatever I do, it feels like you need to be right next to me.”

“I’m sorry about that, Doctor; I truly am,” she replied. “I felt the same way about you for a long, long while.”

“Will you come away with me?” he asked. “For old times’ sake?”

“Doctor, I have a life here. Can’t you tell?”

“You had a life before.”

“I have a husband, a son with him… if anything were to happen to me while I was out…” She ran her hands over her upper arms, shivering. “I’m having other adventures… they just aren’t ones with you in them.”

“I… I understand,” he stated solemnly. He saw her body language and tried to decipher it: holding herself, avoiding eye contact, that frown with a bite on her lower lip, and her brows slightly furrowed. “I’ve not found anyone else like you.”

“I’m sure you say that to all your mates.”

“Each and every time I’m serious, but this instance even more so.” He could feel her husband’s eyes on him from afar, knowing that each move was being watched. “We can bring them along…”

“No—don’t tempt me,” she ordered. Clara took a step back and reached her arm back behind her, it soon finding that Malcolm’s fingers were lacing between hers. He was now standing next to her, his glare in full-force.

“...and you are…?” the Doctor asked idly.

“Clara’s husband of twenty-one years, her son’s father, and the current campaign director for Senator Courtney Woods, whom I understand you also know.”

“Senator? You married an American?”

“I became one, not due to fucked-up jingoistic patriotism, but because it causes fewer questions when it comes to helping one of the better minds reach her full potential,” Malcolm snarled. “Now are you fucking done propositioning my wife?”

“I guess so,” the Doctor said. He took Clara’s other hand in his and brought it to his lips, pressing a kiss to her fingers before stepping back towards the TARDIS. “Take care, Clara.”

“...and you, Doctor,” she echoed. The ship’s door closed and it whirred back to life as it took off, the wind so powerful it almost knocked the couple over. Clara couldn’t help but lean into Malcolm’s grasp and begin sobbing.

Even after all the time that had passed, she still had not been ready.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Daniel knew that there was something about his textbooks that was strange.

Not that most other people knew, mind. Then again, he’d had the feeling for a long time, being as how it started from a very early age. If he ever brought it up, people would blame it on the fact that his parents probably “gave him a different perspective” on things. Being born in the United Kingdom didn’t give them that different of a perspective, did it? Was it the fact he grew up around almost only adults outside of school? There was a chance that that didn’t help. All he did was simply go along, doing his history homework, before hitting a serious case of the willies.

He sat in the undergraduate library, settled in a corner where he could see when anyone passed by. Then again, it was close to two in the morning, and he was bogged down with papers and things from his varying classes, needing to stay up late and not completely disrupt his roommates. Then again, he couldn’t study with Sophia if they were sitting in the common section of the dorm, and there she was, sleeping soundly on the other side of the booth. He knew he only came to this school in order to be with her, but as it turned out, he was getting a good whipping in his pre-law concentration, which he was certain was good preparation for when he actually declared his law degree.

Fuck… a law degree. Sophia was there for kinesiology, while he was studying law. A lawyer and a physical therapist, both studying far away from their support systems aside from one another. He thought they’d get over the jitters of living in an entirely different state as their families after the first semester or so, but here they were in their third year, still poorly adjusted and not entirely doing things sanely. At least they knew that the temptation to go and do things was absolutely nil during the middle of the night, which made it the perfect time to study.

“How long was I out?” Sophia asked groggily, sitting up straight again. Daniel chuckled, unable to take his eyes off her.

“Only about twenty minutes or so,” he said. He watched as she shuffled out of the booth and joined him on his side, cuddling into him while using her jacket as a blanket. “I take it you need more?”

“I’m the dumbass who needs to be at Hutzel by eight, then make sure I’m back in Midtown by four, and have no chance to sleep again until ten tonight. Too bad there’s cameras in here, or I’d know a perfect way to wear me out enough to stay asleep.”

“We’re not fucking in the UGL,” he stated. “Bad enough we do it in your dorm.”

“No one cares about what happens in the dorms in a commuter school...”

Well, that part he couldn’t argue. Daniel continued to work on his history project while Sophia snored quietly against his chest. He was going over a piece about the negation of legal precedent in regards to evolving law interpretation when he saw something odd.

The book in front of him changed as he read it.

Daniel blinked, wondering if it was the late hour that was finally getting to him, or if it was possibly some sort of trick. No… his book was an old print copy—there was no way for it to be a trick. He gently shook Sophia back awake, wanting to make sure that he wasn’t crazy.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” she groused.

“Uh… Soph? I need you to look at this book for a moment,” he requested.

“I suck at history—don’t make me murder you, because all I need to do is take your body to the river and they’ll find your bloated corpse over in Port Colborne in a month.”

“How will you get me over to the Riverwalk in the first place?”

“Tell everyone you’re drunk.” She finished rubbing the sleep from her eyes and looked at the book in front of them, wrinkling her nose. “That’s an etching of a courthouse.”

“Yeah, I know, but what’s so weird about it?”

“I don’t know…?”

“That person standing there is a Black woman,” he stated.

“Yeah? Is that so weird?”

“She’s in jeans and a tank top, has a large poof of hair, and wasn’t there all of ten minutes ago.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes—the faces of some of the other people have changed too, and it looks like this one off to the side is wearing a hoodie, and this one looks a lot like you.”

Sophia frowned as she looked closer at the reproduction of the engraving. The caption read that it was an artist’s depiction of a court case, stating that the defendant couldn’t possibly be a slave by being a British citizen, as it was after slavery was officially ended in the Empire, but before its end in the States… so way too early for tank tops and jeans. She blinked heavily as she read the surrounding descriptors. “Why are you reading about this?”

“...because we’ve been given different law precedents and have to write a paper on why they’ve changed over the years,” he said. “I don’t remember this being in the chapter before.”

“Is this your History Heebie-Jeebies again?” she pouted. “I just wanna sleep.”

“I want you to sleep too, but you know it’s really a weird thing when this happens, right?”

Daniel opened his mouth to continue, only to be cut off by the sound of a wheezing, grinding noise outside the window unlike anything he’d heard before. He and Sophia both looked outside, down onto the Mall, seeing the weirdest thing they had in a while.

It was a blue police box, done up like the ones they encountered when visiting his grandfather back in England, sitting where one hadn’t been before.

Things felt like they were about to get very interesting.

#Clara Oswald #Malcolm Tucker #Twelfth Doctor #Satsouffle #Whouffaldi #Saturday Night Prompts #that's it that's the tag #Doctor Who #The Thick of It #fan fiction #replies #Grayface replies #pls trust me when I say that plenty of character development has happened off screen

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joyisntyoj · 4 years

Text

04: LETTERS TO NOBODY OR MAYBE MAYARI

Seal stamps, stamps with whatever designs, papers and pens, stickers, pictures, dried flowers, heartwarming messages, and a lot more.

When was the last time you wrote something on a literal piece of paper for someone?

Have you ever personally given someone a handwritten letter or sent it from the post office?

Is writing a letter still a thing today, or you just use whatever app you have because what is the point if other ways are more convenient, right?

Maybe, you are more the vocal type of person and, you just say what you feel instead of writing it down?

Perhaps, you are none of the above because what is important is your presence in their lives and, that is more than enough?

Still, how lovely it is to keep something that has sentimental value. It unnecessarily means that you are hoarding something because what's to not treasure from precious memories in a small piece of paper in an envelope?

This story is for those who never get tired of expressing themselves in whatever form they know, but most especially to those who write.

May you never run out of papers, inks, and thoughts to compose. to more unforgotten memories preserved in letters.

^^^

To: Mayari.

How are you? I wish things were getting better, just like what I always pray. These days, sleeping at night suddenly became serene as well as waking up in the morning. Sometimes my days are dull and typical...I believe? But most of the time, it's either I'm feeling blue or extra sad, or was that the same? I kept on blaming the pandemic, but for real, I'm just a mess. Silent battles are truly tough. I wish I had the courage and strength just like yours. Be safe. Stay sane. I'm really trying my best to be legit all right.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Liway is the name, exhausted with life. Mayari, someone out there, maybe a supreme being or plausibly not always receives Liway's letters. Sometimes Liway writes 10 messages at once and sometimes none at all. Mayari is the only recipient of such letters that even Liway never knew they were received by the random recipient it thought was just nobody. It all genuinely started on having a recipient written on the "To:" part at the post office. Though seriously, it doesn't even have any home address. It's super weird that it's for Mayari and no address, and were received.

HOW?

^^^

To: Mayari.

The night has come. This time, it feels heavier than usual. Tears are suddenly falling. I noticed that an unwelcome visitor came. The familiar pain is hugging me again, so tight that breathing is getting harder. I hate everything. Yet, I came to realize a lot of things. Afterward, I'm feeling blessed and grateful. Am I getting crazy? Before I went to bed, at the dinner table, I felt uncomfortable with the conversation we had, my family, about myself back then. I really hate it when they keep on bringing up what happened in the past. I already moved on... I think... so can they stop mentioning those moments? Honestly, whenever anything from the past is introduced again and remembered, I tend to feel like it just happened yesterday. Everything is coming back so fresh and new; fun, pain, sweats, and tears. I hate it.

PS. Mayari, can you send me some courage? Preferably in capsules, So I can have it in my intakes and be sure I'll be really having it in my system literally.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Continues writing so many letters filled with how living is like. Liway felt tired and exhausted. A few days ago, it was super overwhelmed that crying is unavoidable. Then this morning, Ms. Walmy called for a little chat and checking up because it's never too bad to check up on somebody, most especially when you're a counselor. It's your job, so uh? Anyway, though Liway was out of focus on the call, it was able to be accomodating and warm in return. It reciprocated the thoughtfulness with a sweet smile.

^^^

To: Mayari

Hey! Today I was mad because firsthand, I experienced that thing I usually hear from other people. The "don't-post-something-revealing-on-social-media-but-love-yourself-but-that's-not-appropriate". Well, I don't even know why I'm reacting super outrage towards it. Because knowing that my family is just concerned for me since the internet is frankly scary. I mean, I did nothing wrong, so why? Maybe deciding to be confident on the internet is not necessary for them. But for me, it is! So how should I deal with this? A friend consoled me, and I feel better. Still tho, my mood is already ruined. Oh gosh.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Welcoming a new week, the usual Liway is busy with the household chores. Some may find it stressful, but this one is pretty different. Scrubbing the floor, washing the dishes, brooming on the side. Later on, folding the clothes, fixing the bed, and a lot more things. It looks like it'll be tiring its body out until the nose bleeds, and passing out is the last resort to rest. How come it's easier to clean an actual mess than the one inside the head and heart?

^^^

To: Mayari.

Beloa visited me today. My childhood and the only friend left I have up to this day from elementary school. If you get what I mean? It's been a long time since we had a chat, especially that things are super complicated these days. She's doing really well, and I couldn't be more proud. I'm still amazed at how we manage to be friends because we both don't like each other to begin with. It's so funny that we even pulled each other's hair in the 4th grade while the class is taking the annual picture for the school year remembrance. What are the odds in this even, right? HAHAHA. Today was warm and bright.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Dates suddenly don't vary in these letters. Even the concept of time is somehow gone. What's important is regardless of not having these "important details" like the usual, Liway can keep up and be consistent in sending its letters. Liway never missed a chance to send a letter to the address less recipient, which left the post office staff to ponder with it. But as time goes by, Alle, the clerk, is no more surprised 'coz she's used to everything now. The envelopes unfailingly vanished the moment it was dropped inside the mailing box. Indeed, a magical mailbox.

^^^

To: Mayari.

I never knew how amazing pretending could be. You know that thing where someone usually says I'm okay, but really not? The inner saboteur that was triggered by their trauma is real-real-real. A car is useless when it's not moving if you wanted to travel to faraway places. Does that make sense?

PS. It sucks that our bathroom is the only "semi-safe space".

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Polar bears are really fascinating. They get to hibernate. Then, after the time being, back on hunting and living their lives. Ligaya was one of Liway's hero. A lot knew Ligaya for being a superhero, although she does not have that fantasy powers. Just like the polar bears, too, Ligaya has been hibernating for quite some time but kept on saying that she was not. Liway saw it all. Maybe a bear's hibernation is different from a human-being, hmm?

^^^

To: Mayari.

IDK what to say, but I just wanted to be consistent at the very least in sending you letters.

PS. The radio was broken, but in my head, it's working. It kept on playing nonstop music. Is this a poetic way of saying I'm overthinking things?

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

^^^

To: Mayari.

A lot happened lately. Somebody lost a precious one, and here I am, having a renaissance moment. It's a crazy ride, but for all it's worth, the pea has grown into a beautiful plant. Hope it made sense coz finally, everything is making sense to me now. Little by little, slowly and surely.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

^^^

To: Mayari

Hey!! I hope you are doing great!!! These days, everything felt surreal. I get to be active everywhere. It's draining, yet I feel so alive than ever. I had this thought that time is indeed just a concept, hmm? I mean, anytime is the right time to do what you want and whatever it is. Nothing is too late, most especially when it comes to growth. OH, being late in class still counts but FOR REAL RIP TO THE ONLINE CLASS SETUP -_-

PS. May we never run out of time to be the best versions of ourselves. LOVE WHOEVER YOU WANT. fck the situation, but SOON, GO ANYWHERE YOU WANT. SPEND FOR YOURSELF AND FOR YOUR LOVED ONES. FEEL EVERYTHING.

PSS. May we leave this world with fewer regrets and more amazing memories.

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Quite a lot of letters were already sent. The post office is getting more and more letters, as well as Mayari. Still, NO REPLY. Maybe some other, Liway will be able to hear Mayari's words.

^^^

To: Mayari.

*here's an envelope just in case you want to write me something*

With so much love annd kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

'Tis the season to be jolly. LOL Nah. Liway has been out for the past weeks. By out, means on a hibernation mode. A L O T R E A L L Y happened. It's hard to put it into words. I guess Liway will end these letter-sending shenanigans or just lazy and trying to give out some excuses //

^^^

To: Mayari.

Ever since I was taught how to move around the kitchen, I've been assigned to be Mom's assistant while cooking for the feast every event/occasion we'll be celebrating. It's tiring but super fun. Getting your fingers bleed and while unaware is cool LOL~

PS. Why does it feel so good to overthink things while doing the dishes? What's with that scenario.........

With so much love and kindness always and all ways,

Liway.

Tireless hands, heart, and mind with countless thoughts and feelings, papers, and pens everywhere—WRITING; it surely is one of the best ways to vent. Though letters can’t hug and wipe one's tears, witness waves of laughter, ease the pain, and such, the comfort from every word written is more than enough.

Suddenly time barge in and reminded me that this is enough. THIS IS ENOUGH FOR 2020...

A new chapter has arrived, and maybe it's time to move forward. Maybe this is where it all gonna stop for a while. I mean, writing is somehow tiring, literally. Probably, Mayari might reply with the number of letters sent anytime soon, so maybe waiting is all that needed.

No rush in moving on.

MAY YOU GET THE REPLY YOU LONG FOR SO LONG.

PRIORITIZE YOURSELF AND HAVE COURAGE.

BE KIND ALWAYS AND ALL WAYS.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Little did nobody know, Liway is writing a letter to her "ideal" self.

The letter-sending-to-nobody thingy of Liway is really mind-boggling, right?

Mayari is Liway. Liway is Mayari.

The things that Liway wanted to say but cannot articulate well were always sent to Mayari. Mayari is the version of Liway it wishes to become in the future.

The weak Liway longs and hopes to have "that" someone by her side to look up to. That's why she always writes letters and keeps them in the memory box.

The post office thingy was actually her shared room at home: the table at the corner with no lights but so much mess. It's that post office.

It's pandemic, so how can a post office be open and how brave she is to go out, right?

That saying, "be the hero you wanted to have when you were little", is the best explanation of Liway's way of venting and expressing.

Nobody knows when Mayari will come to life because it's no certainty that we can be the ideal self we all wanted to happen.

For now, Liway is fighting her battles and screaming louder to the universe,

UNTIL WHEN DO I HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY?

To be continued...

Happy New Year, Mayari. ✨💜

This is like an excerpt from my quarantine shenanigans for 2020 LOL.

#newyear #writing #vent #shortstory #letter

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artsyhamsterdraws · 5 years

Text

My first Artist alley experience

So I did it. I survived! Can I get a wahoo yeehaw boiiiiii

*cough*

Anyway I wanted to write a "lil" thing about it all, like how it went, what I learned and shit like that. So here we go~

The convention I've been going to for a while now (3 times if you count this one) is called Närcon summer, and it's a "bit of everything" convention in Linköping (sweden) that happens every summer, but they also have one in the winter and fall as well, tho I've never been to those. (I want to try and get to Närcon Winter this time if it's possible).

It's pretty big. Apparently this year they got about 12.500 visitors over the weekend, so I got to meet a lot of people!

So, how was it?

Well if I wanna be short and straight to the point, it was amazing. I had so much fun and I can't wait to return!

Long answer? Well this one will go through the whole experience from start to finish. So buckle up kiddos this might get boring.

So for me it started even before the convention opened it's gates. During it I had decided to try and sell sketchbook commissions for 50 sek (like 5 bucks), because (1): It meant I would have something to do and wouldn't just have to sit at my table and stare off into space, and (2): Seemed fun.

I then decided to try and start selling them before the convention started, so that some people could come and pick them up day 1 if they wanted to. This worked, way better than expected. In the end I had 5 drawings to make before I even got there.

Here also comes the first thing I learned!

If you sell it for cheap, some people will tip you once they see the final result!

Not everyone paid extra, but I had a couple do it and that seriously almost brought tears to my eyes :')

I had reasons for selling them for so little, but I know that it was way too cheap considering the amount of time I put into each of those drawings. I just felt that; since basically no one knows who I am and this is my first time having a table, this would be a good way to get my name and work out there.

I mean, it did work since I sold 13 of them in total? Over 3 days? (I've never drawn that many things in such a short amount of time ever before).

At first I thought I wouldn't be able to sell more commissions once I got there since I already had 5 of them to do (3 of which I managed to finish before I got there). But apparently I can be fast if I need to? Suddenly they were all just...done and I opened up the commissions again!

Here are a couple of them that I remembered to take pics of:

It was a mix of fanart, original things and OC´s! Some of them I actually wanna make digital versions of cause I think they would look cool...

Once I got there I had to face one of my fears...my neighbors... I had no idea what so ever who I would be seated with so I was afraid these upcoming 3 days would be filled with awkward silence and avoiding eyecontact. BUT! And that's a huge but (hehe)! They were great. Literally first second I met them I was like "yeah this is going to be fine".

We had so much fun, and once it got late we would sing Abba songs, and today I feel sorry for the people that had to listen to us... :P

I hope to meet them again next närcon, but the gods probably won't put us as neighbors again. They're probable mad at us for the Abba thing...

Oh and, they're both very talented and y'all should check them out! Here are their instagrams!

Literalpleb Apeachiations

Both had a bunch of fire emblem stuff, and apeachiations had some real pretty steven universe prints I wish I could buy but I don't watch steven universe so :(

Oh and I was given amazing gifts from them!

Then I bought these 2 key..chains...rings...I can't remember the english word....

Anyway I saw the Kirby one and knew I had to get it, and then I was talked into gettin the other one (I love it and wanted it don't get me wrong. It's a joke). I have yet to play the new fire emblem because my pre-order is back home and I'm at my parents place for another couple of weeks so :(

(I bought stuff from other people as well but I'll show that at the end!)

------

Setting up the table was fun! I decided to bring my bookmarks and a couple of prints, + like 8 stickers of my hamster logo. I gave 2 of them away tho to my neighbors .

Oh and I put one of my cosplay rifles on the table as well because I decided it would be too much work carrying 2 around. x'D

It started out slow. Most people just stopped by and looked and then moved on. I sold maybe 1 print and 2 bookmarks the first day? I didn't expect much anyway since it was my first time there. Honestly I'm surprised one of my prints even got sold ^^' So I wasn't that put down by the first day...

But then it was Friday, the second day, and things started picking up! I sold out one of my prints! Someone even decided to buy that damn rifle I randomly threw on there, which was amazing. I still can't believe it?

Friday was also the day my friend and I decided to do our cosplay. I missed a couple of hours in the alley because of that, since we had to get back to the hotel and change and all. Tho we did it during the evening so that it would get colder outside and we wouldn't miss THAT much time.

The alley closed around 10pm so we left around 3 to change, got back at 7 and spent those last hours there. Once it closed we also stayed way later at the convention, just walking around and actually looking at things!

Ok back to artist alley!

------

The last day I entered the building, and then only went outside once to buy a drink. Other than that I literally sat there a whole day. 10-10. (Don't worry I had a friend with me that came and went with drinks/snacks).

This day was by far the busiest! I had figured out already that most people wait until the last day before they buy a lot, which makes sense since you want to scope out the whole place before deciding on anything. Saturday (the last day) was also probably one of the days most one-day goers chose? I don't have evidence but that's the day I would choose if I only went 1 day at least...

I decided I would have sales on the last day. For example you got a discount if you bought a whole set of bookmarks. The commissions stayed the same price tho since it was already so cheap. ^^'

In the end I sold 45 bookmarks, the rifle, all my stickers, 13 commissions and all prints except for the 2 with the woman laying in flowers :/ My poor Selma (oc). Might put those on my etsy? I still have bookmarks there btw! Even though I sold a lot those did not sell out. xD

-------

Now, the last day was also the day I bought stuff from others. I decided not to buy anything from the big shops in the other building, and only spent my money on food and artist alley stuff! Gotta support em fellow artists ya know!

I already listed the things I bought from my neighbors, but I went outside of our little hidden away corner too (I did not pay extra for like a good seat heh...).

I had table 74 (in the upper right corner)...so yeah we were very hidden. Considering the bad spot my table did very well!

Anyway, Here's the cool shit I bought!

The artists' Instagrams:

Linn Standal (Cinnapai)

Emma Lupine

Linda Lithén

I also picked up a bunch of business cards from people I couldn't buy from this time...

-----

So then. What did I learn for next time? Weeeeell...let's make a list I guess!

If you sell commissions for cheap, some people will tip you once they see the final result! (These people are very kind)

The first day is slow. Don't panic!

You always need to bring more business cards than you think. I thought I had enough but nope, they were gone halfway past the second day :/

Next time I'll bring more prints. (Only brought 2 of each, except for the spirited away one. Of that I had 4)

People make cute sounds when they see something they like :'D

Hhhh people are so kind!

Take pictures of your damn commissions!

Bring more drawing paper. (I had to buy a new sketchbook the last day cause I had like...one empty page left)

Leave a sketchbook on the table for people to look through

You're not as bad as you think you are.

People are very kind

Put the commission sign in the middle where it's easy to see it. A lot of people didn't see mine before I moved it.

Putting a sign saying "only one left" on an almost sold out item is good.

Keep track of which prints get the most people to stop. Make note of this and order more of them for next time.

Also take notes whenever someone buys something, so you know how much you sold!

Find something you can hang your prints on so you don't have to lay them on the table. There's not as much space as you think there is.

EAT!!! FFS!!!

Write down your instagram on your business card! (I forgot I had one xD)

Aaaand I think that's that?

Like I said, I had an amazing time and I really hope to do something like this again very soon! Hopefully I'll have time and money to get to Närcon winter. I'll at least try and grab myself a table just in case, and sell it if I can't go in the end. I probably won't cosplay there tho and only focus on artist alley. ^^'

Well, how the fck did you read all this? Impressive. I am impressed. Here's a picture of my cat as a price!

Bye!

#artist alley #my art #cool art #other peoples art #Närcon Sommar #närcon sommar 2019 #näcon #things to remember #long post

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hoe-imaginess · 5 years

Text

replies

a lot wowwie

I’m okay! Trying to catch up with life while I get ready to go back to school, trying to find work, trying to stay healthy and happy!

@fckmeroger-ina THANK YOU!!!

for the record like 8 years ago I was the biggest Queen stan I remember scouring the internet for Queen fanfiction and there was none so I had to write my own I was all alone and now… Queen hoes everywhere… 2011 me is screaming. Fck me too Roger

Oh god I didn’t even see this I’ll write it and get it out tomorrow!

You’re very welcome!! Post-partum issues are very difficult and I’ve seen it first-hand. I know it might make those sort of headcanons angstier than people expect them or want them to be but it’s reality! And I think it’s interesting to write how our favs would handle very real situations like that. I appreciate this message <3

Message me privately and I can tell you more! In general, it’s a fun way to get a few bucks, and if you have time for it I would definitely do it! Just make sure you’re specific with your rules and emphasize them so there’s no miscommunication

OKay honestly his height doesn’t make sense no way he’s as short as the data books list him. 5′9? Excuse me? Have you seen how tall he and Hashi are next to Minato? Hashi and Tobi are almost the same height and Hashi is 6 feet+??? It’s not adding up here. What IS the truth.

See this is why Madara likes the data book stats

LMAO depends on the situation. He would either think “that’s what you get” or he would have an existential crisis about it. No in between.

THE TRUTH!!! Don’t make me write a fic about it, I been wanting to…

what episode of the Twilight Zone are you living in just wondering

Hmmm I like so many. Enemy to lovers, arranged marriage, reluctant co-workers/partners, SO MANY

I don’t think it’ll make much of a difference tbh he would probably think that he could see them in his dream after his plan is done

honestly I’m tryna work up the motivation to post the next few chapters I fuckin loveeee fwb tropes

Thank you so much!!!!!

very… interesting

Hmmm probably. Bnha is good about backstories for their villains, but Overhaul also may just be one of those inherently bad guys? Probably has a lot to do with his quirk, too. I get his sense of past trauma via his quirk

thank you ahhhh <3

And Tobirama tries not to play favorites but he can’t help it ok because his nice daughter just makes his day and his defiant daughter makes him want to tear his hair out

thank you so muchhhhh I’m happy it’s finally over because I loved it and hated it. But I do love that you guys loved it <3

it is known

I think I have a few more in my inbox yes!

He definitely wouldn’t. So you have to have a solo date with that thicc dick sorry

BOTH NAILED IT

LMAOOOOOO I love this so much ily

both true

She doesn’t understand my obsession with Tobirama she’s a Minato hoe. A Minahoe, if you will

This!!!!!!

Honestly I have horrible writer’s block and not many ways to get around it. I usually go back to stuff I’ve written that I actually like (personal stuff and not really stuff I post) and it motivates me to do more?

Shisui is like… dating the job. But yeah Tobirama is married and has 3 kids with the job

It’s disgusting right I love it <3

I think he definitely is! He’s very devoted to his life as a shinobi and to the village. He just gives me those vibes

I love vampire Uchiha ok one of my favorite AUs

Honestly it overflows

Hmmmmm All Might for sure (not like he has trouble getting it up but he can’t have sex for too long) and Itachi?? Possibly. He can’t really get kinky or hot and wild. It’s too much on his condition to work himself up too much

He for sure on that Gaara shit BUT he does get a lil out of hand ngl

(hahaha out of hand I’m so fucking FUNNY)

(actually it’s really sad if you think about it)

hey sorry for the late reply!!! Unfortunately I don’t promote OCs on this blog for the purpose of keeping my stories and fics pretty vague and up for audience interpretation. Some other blogs might be able to help you out though! And I know there are a lot of Kakashi-specific imagines blogs out there!

idk what this means. but I agree

<3 <3 <3

thank you I’ll be there and say a few words

we love subtle savage Hashi…

i HOPE IT DID!!!!

ty ty ty <3 well it was finished so I hope you liked it!

I will take fries with that uchiha shake

Don’t ever send me something like this agAIN

MADARA IS FRANK ALREADY I HATE IT

BUT Hashirama is Charlie for sure and Tobirama is Dennis THE SERIAL KILLER PART HAHA. A mix of Dee and Dennis AND Mac tbh

this is why all Uchiha are uncut the penis match the outfit

He really… REALLY does

Wow I can’t believe myself either

Honestly Tobirama being good with kids is a BIG mood and canon you can’t tell me otherwise

Im sorry ): is it that you click the link and it doesn’t work? Or that you can’t see it?

They definitely aren’t shhhh don’t tell them

I don’t know how to take this and respond so just know this is wild and I understand

this is the TRUTH

Tobirama did what he had to do… but… you still right

I have some Tobirama, Hashirama, Madara (so yeah lol) and I also get a few Bleach every once in a while, HxH, and occasionally bnha!

LOL this would be funny

Lmaoooo this would be a mess tbh

Ima keep it real with you I didn’t understand this 100% but I think I get what you’re saying and I agree yes

Weren’t they like??? 10?? Maybe??

Honestly the founders timeline is REALLY REALLY messed up thanks Kishi

I wouldn’t doubt that Hashi and Tobi were a year apart, maybe two years at the most. And yeah I can see the fight at the Valley happening in their 30s

Lmao I don’t know anything about Dragon Ball I was just talking about the hair

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yooncuffs · 5 years

Text

I’m 19. So young and yet too old.

I’m currently at this point in my life where everybody I know expects me to be at uni, studying focusing on school, getting a degree.

But I am not.

Whenever I talk about my worries, people usually either laugh at me jokingly, scoff at me, or furroe they brows whenever I say “I think my life is headed nowhere.” after I say something like that they would often say “But you’re still way too young to worry.” I know, okay.

But that’s not the case.

Yes I am young, yes I have more years ahead of me but it isn’t that easy to build yourself from nothing and to accept this reality of series hardships called life. Honestly I am forced into a situation where I needed to grow up and be there for myself when my mother died.

But I never did actually learned to stand on my own.

Instead I just learned to set aside ny feelings and emotions and just bottle them up. Because that’s how growing up was depicted around me. “You need to toughen up.”, “You’re own your own now, so stop being so emotional.”, “Those tears won’t get you anywhere.” , “There’s nothing you can do about *this* certain situation so get pass it.” those were the usual words I heard from people around me whom today disappeared and couldn’t care any less.

You might be wondering, but she must have her father with her right? Yes, yes I actually do. But the thing is my father and I had this weird relationship since I really didn’t grew up with him, he worked abroad all my life almost and just turn up like 3 years ago after my mother died and after he had been layed off from his job. And so we never really gotten any close or talked about emotions and stuff and all these things you probably talk about your parents with.

I swear when you have the chance and opportunity PLEASE DO TALK TO YOUR PARENTS, because it’s all I ever wanted but couldn’t. Don’t get me wrong I tried. I told my father that I think I’m depressed *without diagnosis yet* and I told him that maybe I should have myself checked.

YES FOLKS I WANTED TO GARNER ALL THE HELP I CAN GET BECAUSE I KNOW I AM NOT OKAY —I WAS NOT OKAY I HAVE ALWAYS HAD THESE REOCURRING THOUGHTS OF SADNESS,LONELINESS, SUICIDE and over all PESSIMISM.

But you know what he had just replied to me? “It’s all in your head.” —oof. When he said that I didn’t want to take it by heart because maybe he didn’t mean it or maybe people his age doesn’t really understand mental health as much as our generation do, because of the stuff we get through and suffer from.

So I let it pass.

My days aren’t always sad, lonely or dark. Some days I ALMOST THOUGHT I am FINALLY FINE AND BETTER. But some days like today I just feel like genuine shit. And the more I look at myself physically, my state in life, my current situation the more I sulk and just crawl back to this dark place.

HONESTLY, I will tell you this. I rarely go out of the house and interact most of my interactions are online and some at work but most are shallow *I think?* Also I am not doing anything almost literally.

I know it’s a bad habit, but the FACT THAT I CAN’T PUSH MYSELF TO DO ANYTHING and I KNOW IT IS JUST—-like how? What do I do, I try my best to find things to cheer up. I really do you don’t even know. I stan BTS, other kpop groups, try and chat with users online find friends, sometimes I try to go out and eat with a real life friend. I watch countless funny videos. I cuddle with my cats, sleep, I edit photos/videos.

But nothing seem to fill in this gaping hole I have.

NOTHING. LASTS.

It’s easier really to just hope that when I close my eyes I won’t wake-up because honestly that’s what I want a painless death.

Because a year ago I tried to hurt myself, but I couldn’t do it. I just can’t the thought just always comes up but the worst I did was just a few cuts not even that deep.

Okay, when I said earlier I have no tears left to cry, now I take that back because I know every time I walk this earth I’m always on the verge if crying and breaking down.

But I always try to hold it up, suck it up and just “TRY” to be strong.

I am so bad at many things and good at abosolutely nothing.

1. I love to write but I have never finished anything.

2. I love editing photos/videos but I don’t think it’s that remarkable to be noticed.

3. I love music but have never really did anything to learn it or be good at it.

4. I love anything related to art but then again I never really did anything to learn it or be good at it.

5. I start to do something (in general) and I don’t ever finish it.

6. I give up easily.

7. I’m not smart/ nor I have a remarkable talent(so applying for a scholarship will never be possible for me)

8. I have tried getting into theater/student govt/cheer dancing/dancing/marching band —but I gave them all up and prioritized a person instead. =BIGGEST FCKING MISTAKE.

——I could go on and on about stuff I’m bad at or hate about myself. And there’s nothing good I can basically say about me NOTHING not even how I look. Especially that I hate everything about me physically.

I feel such a fake fan/ARMY for not incorporating the Boys’ motto—Love yourself. But how can I bring myself to do so? When I’m such a mess, such a wreck.

I just. What do I —-

This post is just all the place my thoughts are just clouded I can’t.

Hmmm.

So yeah I’m 19, probably depressed but not yet clinically diagnosed. I hate myself, I have a work instead of going to school. I walk this earth questioning my existence I have I think 1-2 real friends or maybe even none. I’m not close with my father or other family members I am broke af literally FILIPINO POVERTY BROKE. I have so many abitious goals and dreams: BUT DID I EVER DO ANYTHING ABOUT THEM? Oh bitch I’m such a disappointment.

If this isn’t enough to say FML then I don’t know what is.

—-if youdo feel the same way, or anything similar or worse please do seek help, or try your best to fight it.

I try to. I want to.

Is it too much to ask for?

I just wanna be normal, I want to be okay. To actually be OKAY.

(I AM CONTEMPLATING ON POSTING THIS BECAUSE I SOUND LIKE A LITTLE WHINY BITCH BUT IF YOU DO SEE THIS POST I MUST HAVE JUST CLICKED IT AND SAIS FCK IT AND IS NOW CRYING ON THE FLOOR STILL REGRETTING WHY I’M ALIVE AND ASKING THE UNIVERSE WHAT’D I DO TO DESERVE THIS BULLSHIT)

~bye

#sorry for the rant #dont mind me #please #kill me i guess?#what to do with life #how does life work #asking help again #but please do send help #i just wanna cry #ugh i hate me

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jksofficialwifey · 6 years

Text

Not so badass boyfriend jk and the cockroach fiasco drabble ♡

wc: 1,700smthin (i added some sht rn so the wc got messed up)

warnings: cockroach death, mentions of the word cock & pussy, sexual themes, this is somewhat a crack drabble

this was inspired ofc by my favorite beings in the world: roaches. jk. i h8 them so much & theres so many in our house and i just wan di3 but i decided to write this shtsterpiece instead. anyway here it goes enjoy or wutevs! jk.

You were cuddling with your boyfriend Jungkook on the sofa in his dorm, while watching a movie with all of your friends, (all of the other bts members + you're all uni students btw) when an unwanted visitor decides to fly and land on top of jk's TV.

It was your most hated winged creature to ever exist on this entire fracking planet, and it doesn't help the fact that your mortal enemy could withstand a nuclear explosion. Although they aren't that invincible, and could easily be killed by being squashed, hit with a slipper, or by being sprayed with an insect spray. You still hate that a few of them can survive high levels of radioactivity. Anyway, going back to the bothersome cockroach that's stressing you a lot, maybe more than your weabooass-mayhaps-secretly-or-not-so-secretly-a-furry-gamer boyfriend, the horrid thing just flew again, now towards your direction. Making you flinch and scream a little, also making your boyfriend surprised by your sudden movement and screaming. "Baby are you okay?" he asked in a worried tone. "Guk...there's a jungcockroach. Kill it please, you know I hate it so much." you told him in a pleading voice.

"Where? and did you really have to call it jungcockroach?" he asked, and you looked around trying to find where the fck it is now, "Idk, it flew in our direction and oh- there it is! just right next to you on the wall! omg kill it! get it away from me!" you screamed, startling jungkook. Which also made him scream in his high pitched voice, because he was shocked. Your friends also wondered why you were screaming and shouting, and when they finally saw the reason why, they were alarmed too. Hoseok screamed and said, "OMG I'm going out of this room until you kill it. ohmygod I hate bugs!" Jin also screamed loud and decided to follow him out of the room. Joon, yoongi, jimin, and tae didn't seem too bothered. They just looked concerned for you.

The cockroach flew again, but it went to the floor, and crawled somewhere in the room. You weren't that scared of it now, that it wasn't flying anymore. But it still wasn't dead, and you were still a little afraid if it reappears, and flies again. Though, you could blame your boyfriend's scaredy ass for not killing it and just screaming at it. Like you did.

"Guk, why didn't you kill it? you just screamed like those undercover agent guys from that white chicks movie." you asked him, mocking the way he sounded a bit, cos he screamed like a girl. "In my defense, I was shookt because you screamed, which made me scream too." he said rather defensively. "Really? or is it because you're afraid of cockroaches like me too? oh my god. and I merely agreed to date you, because I thought someone would finally protect me and kill these pests for me. You were such a badass when i met you though, it turns out you're just as scared of them as I am. How saddening," you asked him, and joked about only dating him because you thought he'd kill these annoying pests for you. But he didn't quite get it and took it a bit seriously to which he replied,

"I just don't like them or bugs in general okay? It doesn't mean I'm scared of them. And what do you mean you merely agreed to date me because you thought I'd kill em for you? I clearly remember you saying, you'll date me because my big cock's a keeper." he said smugly, to which your friends faces wrinkled in disgust. "Um, guys we're still here, pls don't forget." Jimin had said.

"Sorry guys. But sure, whatever you say baby guk, don't worry I won't break up with you. Even though you're scared of bugs," you teased jungkook. "I really am not scared of damn cockroaches though, that pest should show up now. And I'll prove to you that I'm not scared of them." He said too proudly, and not long after, it did show up flying towards his shirt. He tried to fight it, but he shook it off his body instead. Staring at it wide-eyed after doing so til it fell to the ground, and jimin stomped it with his foot, and all his might, ending the nasty thing's pathetic life. "Well, you really proved you're not scared of them gukie. Thanks to jimin though," you said sarcastically. "Jimin ssi, you should become my new boyfriend. I'm breaking up with gukie, cos I need a brave man with real balls to protect me." you told jimin coming up to him, but you really just wanted to get jungkook worked up. Jungkook just glared at you looking annoyed. You actually succeeded in getting under his nerves.

While you were busy teasing jungkook, you didn't notice another cockroach appearing. But this time jungkook had an evil plan, "Um hyungs, why don't y'all go out for a bit. I'm just gonna talk to y/n about our relationship, or whatever that's left of it." he said, feigning to look angry, being like the great actor he is. Sensing that you and jk might have a couple fight, the hyungs obeyed and went out of the room, leaving the two of you alone.

"Y/N, how unfortunate, it's just the two of us left, jimin can't protect you now." Jungkook said with an evil smirk. "What do you mean guk? he killed the cockroach already, I won't have to worry about one for awhile." you replied. Jk found it amusing you didn't even see another cockroach crawling towards you.

"Oh. But what if there's another one? idk baby, but I think that nasty thing crawling towards you looks like a fracking cockroach to me." He said triumphantly, and when you looked down, it was indeed another annoying roach. You moved away from it, but it looked like it was crawling towards the wall instead. "JK kill it please, I can't deal with another one again ughhh. Why won't they stop attacking me?" you were so annoyed and distressed, you just wanted to disappear forevs. "What's that baby? you want me to kill it? oh i dunno if I can though cos I'm so scared of bugs, maybe you could do it yourself since you're so brave. Or you could call jimin, but I think they went home already. Anyway, maybe I'm gonna go out for a bit. Goodluck with your friend..." his cocky ass said, heading for the door.

But he isn't really gonna leave you alone with that nasty pest right? you won't let him. "Ughhh baby I take it all back. You're not a coward, you're the strongest and bravest person in the world! so get rid of the nasty creature now pleaseee." you said loud enough so he can hear and reconsider leaving you to die by the hands of a dirty cockroach, "Really? just awhile ago, you were saying you were gonna leave me for jimin though. But since I'm a merciful being, I'll help you and do it, if you beg again nicely and do something for me in exchange." he wants you to beg again and do something for him, of course. "Fine. My brave and ever so handsome boyfriend, can you pretty please kill that cockroach for me? I was just kidding when I said I'll leave you for jimin sir, I would never choose another person who'll never have the same big dick energy as you. I'll certainly do anything you ask me to do in exchange."

"Well since you asked nicely, I'll get rid of it now for you, baby." he then approached the oblivious insect which was now at the wall, it didn't fly yet but before it could do so, jk had hit it with a book making the roach fall to the floor. He then proceeded to stomp on it, to make sure it wouldn't live anymore. "Done, that was gross. Oof. I didn't realize I used Jin hyung's book that I borrowed to kill it. Maybe I'll just tell him to wipe the cockroach's juices off of it." he said uncaringly.

"Ew. Shouldn't you wipe it yourself before you give it back, like a good person? Anyway, thanks for doing it for me baby, I knew you were still a bit scared but you still did it anyway. And I really was just joking when I said I only agreed to date you, so you could protect me. Ok, maybe that wasn't entirely false, but i love you, you brave bun perfect or not. And I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world." You were being soft, but he just had to remind you of the thing he asked for, in exchange of getting rid of the pest.

"I love you too baby, and I really wasn't scared anymore, because It was fun seeing you scared and wanting me to be your hero. I'm still not gonna wipe that roach's juices off jin hyung's book though, cos I don't feel like being a good person today. And about that thing I want you to do...I just want you to wash my dishes for a month, and don't bother me when I'm playing my video games. It's not too much isn't it?" he said smirking.

"Of course it isn't baby, though I guess you won't be getting a blowie or any type of action for a month then. We're not frickfracking for a month, how tragic. But my glowing fidget spinner anal plug and me will still enjoy, idk about your hand though," you retorted. "What? baby nooo. I changed my mind, you can annoy me anytime even when I'm playing, just don't take away my smashing privileges. I wouldn't last a day, without your pussy in my cock." he exclaimed.

"That's what I thought so. I'm gonna shower now my brave cockslayer, cos all that roach fiasco got me feeling nasty. you're more than welcome to join me if you like." you said, as you went to the bathroom to shower. "I'm coming, I wouldn't pass up a great opportunity to use my privileges, as always."

♡

A/N: sorry for the grammatical errors/typos as always. yk i can't write for sht but I still do bec it's fun to share my crack ideas w/fellow crackheads shsh. I tried to edit this but u cant rlly notice it cos i suck at writing 😂 anyway it's just a drabble bec i h8 flying cockroaches sm!

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baelllamyblake · 7 years

Text

Ask Nicely. ( Billy Hargrove x Reader )

Request : Can I request a billy Hargrove x reader fix where reader is the new kid and has a photographic memory and like everyone thinks that reader is a slacker because nobody ever sees her studying but when the test scores come back Billy’s just like “wtf how did you get a perfect score when you literally do nothing” lol thanks love ya

Pairing : Billy Hargrove x fem reader

Word Count : 1,709

Warnings : none except for curse words and writers block writing ugh

A/N : okay so an anon asked me when i will write the billy fic they requests and i am PRAYING to that this is the one they asked for. if it’s not, please let me know !! also, if yall out there have photographic memory and this aint anything like it, i am so sorry i did like no research at all. also keep requesting !! this one was really fun to write !!

FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED SO PLS FCK ME UP WID IT<3

“ Hey, why aren’t you studying? “ An unfamiliar voice piped up from besides you, your eyes shifted from the tall trees outside to the sudden blue eyes that belonged to your deskmate. People say that the eyes are the window to soul but these were locked tight. His earring swung slight from side to side, its silvery sheen reflecting the light off whenever it hit that perfect angle. His brown and weathered leather jacket contrasted wonderfully with his maroon shirt on underneath. You had never seen someone so hardened and intimidating in your life but you would never be able to wipe Billy’s face from your memory.

In fact, you could remember every word, feature, and image that you’ve come in contact with. Your brain just didn’t let you forget, it absolutely refused too! Your psychologist called it “ photographic memory “ after the countless MRIs and the many short stories she had you recite back to her. It got to be a hefty burden when you developed a love for books and reading them for fun was nearly impossible. It became downright tortuous when you accidentally walked in on your parents having sex one day.

However, you fully reaped the benefits your photographic memory had to offer. You managed to breeze through middle school by getting your friends to distract the teacher and you memorizing his or hers answer key before every major test. If only you hadn’t moved across the country, you could’ve still been living it up with your closest friends in California. Now, you’re the new kid in a Podunk town with a RadioShack as the most advanced part of the main street. Other than that, it’s nothing more than a miniscule dot on a giant road map.

“ Why do you care? “ You spat out, your eyebrows knitting together in response to Billy’s dumb question. Before he could retaliate with a disdainful insult, the bell rung sonorously around the classroom. You never actually gave him a reason as to why you slacked off and it already began to eat away at Billy. You disappeared like a ghostly apparition with the rush of kids bustling out the doorway. He groaned out defeated, Billy wasn’t going to stop until he got what he wanted.

“ How in the fuck are you passing, Y/N? You’re a fucking lazy shitbird. “ Billy snapped, his eyebrows furrowed in repressed anger. His eyes were glued to the A+ written in red ink at the too of your test. You got a brief glance at his paper before he folded it out of sight in shameful embarrassment. A C- was marked in the corner, you could see the outline of the letter bleeding through the back of the page.

“ I’m not sure but if you asked nicely, I’ll consider telling you my secret and maybe even help you out. How about we talk about it over milkshakes or something? “ You teased the wavy-haired boy, a flirty wink following suit. It was highly unlikely Billy was going to accept your offer. His pride was far too large for him to swallow in one gulp.

“ Forget about it, Y/N. I am not asking you for help. “ Billy seethed quietly, his strong arms crossed firmly over his chest. You stuck your lip out in a childish pout, pretending to be offended by his remark. Your cute puppy dog eyes weirdly struck a chord in Billy, the corner of his eyes crinkled in disgust as he tried to cooly play it off.

“ Suit youself, Billy. Have fun getting C’s the rest of the year. “ You taunted him with the idea of getting better grades. His dad would finally get off his ass about the C’s and D’s dotted on his report cards. Billy leaned back in his chair without replying, his arms still crossed and his eye stuck at the front of the room. You let out a breathy chuckle at how boyish he was acting, how unusual of him. “ I’ll let you think about it. See ya around. “

—————

You sat at a cafeteria table away from the crowds, chattering with your closest friends about the all the newest music coming out. Billy eyed you warily from afar, he desperately needed the help and Billy just couldn’t humble himself to walk up to you. The nervousness growing in his chest made him angry, this has never happened with a girl. There’s no fucking way that he actually liked you, you were a lowlife slacker with no initiative.

Yet, you were a slacker with a class rank of 6.

“ Ah, fuck it. “ Billy grumbled lowly, his stomach doing a backflip with every step he took towards you. Billy never took the time to examine all your features in class, he was too busy constantly rolling his eyes at your teasing. You were laughing A warmth nipped at the back of Billy’s neck, you caught his eye from across the way and waved happily with a gorgeous smile of your face.

“ Hey King, what’re you doing so far away from your pack of wolves? “ You articulated, your eyes wandered to the rest of his group. They were watching Billy’s every move with intent, probably wonddering if he was asking you out. Your attention shifted back to Billy, his hand was rubbing the back of his neck while his boot tried to grind its way into the white tile below.

“ I can’t believe I’m asking you this but will you please study with me? I’ll take you out or some frilly shit like that. “ Billy sighed, his heart drowned out the surrounding noise like a loud drum beating in his ears. The fear of you literally being able to see his heart bouncing around in his ribcage only accelerated his heartrate. “ Please, I’m desperate, Y/N. “

It almost amused you to see how jittery Billy was to leave, is that sadistic? You hoped not. He was growing more and more uncomfortable with every second Billy stood in front of you and your friends. All eyes were either on you or on Billy, lungs were waiting in bated breath for your response.

“ I’d thought you’d never ask. Where do you want me to meet you? “ You commented smugly, your eyes playfully slitting at Billy.

“ Whatever. Just meet me at my car. “ Billy huffed out, sweet relief flooding his mind and body as he sauntered off. Your eyes trailed down his back and stopped at his ass that was practically sculpted by the Greek Gods. He ran a through his hair in sheer stress before being hounded with questions by his friends. Your friends squealed in delight, immediately asking for your intentions with him.

“ A bitch just might make a move. “

_____________

“ Okay, Y/N, I think it’s time you tell me your stupid secret or else I’ll make you regret it. “ Billy spoke his empty threat with that signature smirk on his face. You sipped on your chocolate milkshake with a grin, Billy’s homework in your free hand.

“ Oo, I’m so scared, Billy! “ You exhorted, setting down the glass and sarcastically waving your hand in the air. Your brain soaked up his math work, a lot of it was wrong. No wonder he was doing so badly in Mr. Michael’s class. “ If you really want to know so badly, go get me a menu. “

“ Why? I already bought you lunch. “ Billy questioned dubiously, his eyebrows raising in confusion. You shifted your attention from the paper to Billy. God, he’s so fucking cute, why can’t he stop that?

“ Just do it, okay? I swear there’s a method to my madness. “ You digressed, your hand waving to shoo Billy away. He let out a loud groan before forcing himself out of the booth and retrieving the 50’s themed menu. Billy handed you the menu and plopped down on the bench seat, his suspiciouns were growing periodically. Just what were you doing?

“ Okay, I’m done looking at it! “ You chimed happily as you shut the menu within seconds after reading it over. You slid it in front of Billy, your eyes glued to his. “ Ask me what’s on the menu and you shall receive, Billy. “

“ I just got it like thirty seconds ago, Y/N. Don’t tell me you memorized all of it? That’s humanly impossible. “ He observed your confident body language, you knew all twenty items on that menu. Billy could see it by the shining twinkle in your E/C eyes. “ What’s number 16? “

“ Number 16 is the Hop-A-Long Burger. It’s topped with barbeque sauce, onion rings, and cheddar cheese. It also costs 50 cents. “ You declared, a cheesy smile grew on your face. This was only the start. Billy’s eyes turned to slits, how was that fucking possible? “ Give me a more difficult one. I want a challenge. “

“ What were the answers on the math test we had two weeks ago? “ Billy quiered interested, a triumphant smile curling on his features. How about that for a challenge?

“ A, B, D, B, C, A, A, D, B, C, Need I go on? “ You listed off ancouple of the answers when you could’ve named all of them off but you didn’t want to show off more than you already were. Billy looked as if he was blown away, his mouth hung slightly agape. He had never met someone with such an expansive mind. “ I have a photographic memory, Billy. I can remember everything I see like how handsome your smile is and that you’re left-handed. There’s a freckle on your ring finger too. “

“ That’s creepy how you know that but that’s weirdly tubular. I dig it. “ Billy admitted, a content smirk on his face. No wonder you were so smart yet so lazy, you didn’t have to put in any effort at all. He could finally die in peace and it took half a year! You’re so stubborn! “ Let’s do this again. I’ll take you somewhere nicer next time. “

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fuck-customers · 7 years

Text

idfc anymore

I was tempted to go anonymous but I am far too tired.

I haven't really made a post yet, I've just been following this blog for quite a while as a release as I'm sure is the same for most. But things have changed and I thought for the better, not so sure now.

this does not include the 2nd job I'd gotten WHILE working this one, which put me at 7 days a week, a little around 60 hours a week, for 9 months. That in itself was hell and requires an entirely different submission.

It'll probably get long so just scroll to the tl;dr at the bottom if you want idc.

When I had just graduated HS, I waited the summer out before applying for a job. I already knew I wasn't going to college - a 2.3GPA isn't going to get you anywhere, especially when you're in the working class just brushing the poverty line. Getting loans is not something I wanted to do either, since everyone I'd ever met, seen, or heard who'd gotten them were miserable fcks.

At the suggestion of a relative I dropped off my resume everywhere it interested me. I got hired. Things looked good. I bonded with one of the coworkers, wasn't so bad. But I was inexperienced. And their idea of 'training' was to send 3 different people from 3 different parts of the business to train me on their own time, separately, and then argue about it because either something was miscommunicated i.e I was taught to do something one way but another person said that was wrong so they'd scold me and then "re-teach" me. This went on for a few weeks.

Okay, cool, fine. Whatever. That's stupid, you do you. Shit kind of improves. But because of this miscommunication, I get a write up for talking to one of the co-workers about something I wasn't supposed to because technically they're NOT a coworker and I don't find out exactly what that means until later (paid under the table) nor was I told I couldn't speak to them about the fact that this random ass volunteer was not only getting in the way of my work, but was being a safety hazard for my clients, despite my many warnings and corrections. Because obviously we are a hive mind and I must know that 1. Do not speak to paid-under-the-table "employees" 2. Do not tell mentally unstable child to not crawl into bin and taunt clients 3. Especially do not ban him when he was spraying the hose nozzle directly at clients.

So I get a "strike". Boss lady holds out her fingers and ticks them off once by one, as If I had made a horrible grievance upon the business. I'd only been working there for a few months, I believe. Still early, still new. Still young, fresh out of HS.

A little back story cause I really feel this is integral to the story and hopefully for those with the same issues will look at this like "ye same" and those who haven't might be able to understand the following actions on the part of myself and others. Either way, here you go:

I've got diagnosed C-PTSD, Anxiety, Depression Bipolar, and ADHD. It has been heavily suggested I also fall along the Autism spectrum (by various doctors and nurses). I am also a victim of emotional, psychological, mental, and physical abuse (with a little stockholm I recently discovered, it's not something you yourself are generally aware of and now that I am it's ... It's worse than if I didn't know.), and I have been suffering with it for as long as I've been consciously aware to the present day. I don't always like to be so forthright with this kind of knowledge because there are quite a few people that either don't believe me, or then don't think I'm reliable enough to function and/or work. So it's usually best I don't.

And during the entire time of my employment there, I underwent a lot of manipulation and emotional abuse. A lot. By a person who believed they were doing a service for others.

The months go on. I continue to be mistreated but it doesn't get bad until my family decide they want to adopt from the shelter boss lady also happens to run. I'm at work and I am notified of the cutest little puppy who had just gotten surrendered. I immediately asked my parents if they'd like the foster (we'd been looking for a 'family dog'). Said yes but couldn't get down there. I said that's fine, I'll fill the paperwork out. So I go to the other side and I fill everything out, we're set. We go home later on and she fits in perfectly. We decide then we'll adopt her come morning when the shelter opens up again.

Morning comes, I'm about ready to walk out the door to go to work, but I'm sent a message from one of the coworkers. "Bring the puppy in" was essentially the message being sent. Puppy's mom had originally surrendered puppy because she couldn't find a place to live that would accept dogs. So she surrendered her. But then in the morning she found a place. What a moron. Anyway.

Boss lady accepted her to having her dog back. No communication to me other than "Bring the dog in". Well we were about to adopt. Essentially what this scenario was turning into was: You work for me, therefore I 1. Don't have to explain myself 2. You work for me 3. The dog is my property.

So I'm texting the coworker back and forth like "Uh I need a little more info, also my parents want to talk with the ACO". This takes way too long, I eventually get the number, mom and ACO have a chat. I thought it went well. Apparently it didn't. He was giving her the script, paraphrased and a little blase. Moms pissed, understandably. She blows it out of proportion, note she's a psychotic bitxch and does this often with everything involving life but I can see where she's coming from with this. I'm like alright well I have to go to work, good luck barring the doors from the "Police". We go to work and it's kind of fcked.

We open the doors and everyone goes silent and turns towards us, in the kind of way you know they were just talking about you. Cause we got everyone in one room. The Boss Lady, the girl txting me over the phone, the ACO, some unnamed volunteer[s]. It's fcking uncomfortable and idk whats going on. The coworker I'd been txting was known and a little too happy to gossip, run her mouth, and cause problems. I was not surprised this was what was going on, but it didn't make me any less pissed.

Boss Lady confronts relative who'd dropped me off at work. He barely says a word, just stares at her, while she's maybe a couple inches from him. She says things like "Don't stare at me like that, this is how it works" "They are MY property, and as MY property I CAN call the police and they WILL show up on your front door do you want that?" "Peeriet, go with him to get the dog so I know she's coming back." And other really really volatile bullshit. The fact that she called the puppy her PROPERTY, threatened to call the POLICE, like...I was there during all of these interactions. My texts were neutral and just asking questions, my moms convo with the ACO was really calm and easy, and the relative was doing nothing but standing there and staring as she went off her rocker. So.

I said no, I have to go to work, I'm not going with him to get the dog but he's going to get her. So he goes, I clock in, I leave.

I go to my job and vent to my coworker about the situation because I was still trying to wrap my head around it, when the ACO shows up wanting to have a private "chat."

The fcking conversation went something like this.

"So uh, you really care about your job, right?"

this fcking asshole was alluding, in so many words, probably to get the point across while also saving his ass so if I had gone to anyone saying he THREATENED MY POSITION OVER MY HEAD TO MAKE ME COOPERATE it may have been a problem. Wonder why.

So I said yeah, it's not even an issue also, they're bringing the dog back, etc. They'd even said because I filled out the application under my name that I was liable for anything to happen if it were to happen and that, because it's under my name, well, shucks, this is all your responsibility at the end of the day, we can wipe our hands clean and call it good.

Even though we were following the 'rules' and never once 1. Yelled 2. Caused a scene 3. Refused 4. Or threatened.

So that's settled. I thought. I go home and moms pissed. Que the next few weeks of absolute stupid shit storm via the internet by way of her leaving a trail of bad reviews. Of course this falls on me.

Everything my mom ever did or said, was my fault, as they "alluded" because we can't tell the truth in this business lest we be taken to court for whatever illegal activity we're probably doing behind closed doors.

So that started a whole new thing. They're hatred becomes amplified. Coworkers I'd bonded or befriended just outright stopped talking to me, barely acknowledging my precense and going to my manager for anything, including relaying messages to me. This did not stop for another 2 years.

So eventually things calm down, as calm as it could get. I continue to get harassed a lot, manipulated. I get injured at work fairly frequently, more than most - injuries that required medical treatment. I lied my first visit because it was after work. I was truthful the other time. I'd already been told by a few coworkers but Boss Lady specifically had a few special conversations with me about not telling any of my family I got injured at work, "Because you know how your mom is". They always spoke too sweetly, too nicely and feeding me excuses to cover up the real reasons. And I'd been so used to abuse my whole life that stockholm was bleeding into my work life and if anyone has ever fcking experienced that, it is fcking hell.

So I didn't tell anyone.

Until I'd gotten injured real bad. A dog had clamped full jaws onto my leg and shook. I had an indent for every tooth, including at least 3 deep punctures. I had it disinfected, shot a water missile into the punctures to make sure debris was out, wrapped, and given meds, orally and topically. I limped when I went home. And at the weekend went bye, I continued to get worse emotionally. I couldn't keep this a secret, I was experiencing actual physical pain because of the situation I'd been put under and I, mentally, could not cope. So I blew up in the kitchen. I had a meltdown, I showed my leg, I explained what happened, I said sorry but that I couldn't hide it anymore.

The next day or days at work I told boss lady I couldn't hide it. I just couldn't. She backpeddled, explained "Oh no no, you shouldn't feel like you have to hide it, I never said that." This was her keyphrase after being called out for every single threat, warning, and manipulation. "I never said that.". Because it was true. She didn't. She said it in a way that couldn't hold her accountable in any true legal situation.

Months go by. I continue with the abuse not just at home but at work now. Abuse most people wouldn't even consider was abuse, but unfortunately I'd been groomed for this sort of thing my entire life, so when it happened at work? I fit in so naturally I didn't even know it was abuse/wrong until I'd left.

And the real kicker is that she knew of my mental disorders. Because when stockholm had got me good, and I was especially tired, and I'd suffered some real hard shit at home, I'd break and I'd confess to boss lady in hopes of some kind of understanding: See, this is what I deal with, please don't mistreat me.

I wrote letters. I tried talking to her one on one. I tried working so hard at work to show how good I'd gotten.

Each letter was misunderstood. She'd bring me into her office after our oral talk and tell me that, because of what I'd written, I could be misunderstood, taken 'at my word.' "Well it says here that you don't ... want to work with your clients? Well if this is true then I legally can't have you with them. Because you wrote it. And legally I have to put this in your file." So I had to rewrite it, delete everything incriminating so I was left with my personal feelings.

Talking with her wasn't possible. She used tactics my mother does, so I physically couldn't talk, and I did, it was only "Sorrys" and "Thank yous" and accepting I was wrong and she was right and yes, I understand.

Working hard didn't work. I paid for my training personally and attended a school solely to improve. I kept making mistakes though. I wasn't good enough. I was doing some of the work my manager was with none of the pay, none of the acknowledgment or acceptance. I brought her in money, and clients, and good reviews, for nothing more than what I'd already had. Because she knew I wouldn't fight for it. Because she knew I'd continue giving her money and she didn't have to shell out anything more. And legally she didn't have to, because I had no experience, I was out of HS, and no official schooling.

But she'd always give me 'tidbits' of 'rewards'. The kicker for anyone with stockholm and/or abuse is you can basically continue to abuse them without too much issue if they 'reward' you and make it seem like they're doing you a favour. You know what I mean?

So she'd have occasionally 'positive' conversations, or she'd 'comment' something good about me, but I really loved when she'd give me a .50cent raise about twice in 2 years disguising it under her "charity" when it was probably because it was actually required. Cause in her office I was like "Why do I have a .50cent raise?" "Why are you asking, that's not something you normally ask when getting a raise." "???" "It's cause -....Just be thankful" Yeeee you see that? See that? How she almost said something but didn't? Yeah.

When she hired a new person they actually made about the same as me but more than another coworker, who'd been there longer, and when asked, boss lady said she basically didn't want to pay him if he wasn't sticking around (What kind of bullshit is that). He was. He corrected her, and his pay got fixed.

Again, months passed. Sometimes It'd be so good and I truly loved my job. I formed relationships with the clients to this day I can't think about because I get emotional. And every time she would critique me. Make things harder for us, she'd always be watching us on the cameras, and if she didn't see us, she'd assume we weren't working. She'd even come out of office to walk by just to watch us as she passed.

2 months ago she made some changes. She'd hired someone that was her irl friend. The entire business save 1 or 2 people, were connected either by blood, marriage, or irl friendship. Which wasn't a good thing.

So she hires this new manager. Does ok for maybe a week or two. But then they started making some changes. She redid how we did our payments and filed clients in a really convoluted way. We went back to the old system in a week.

Then she switched everyones schedules. Really inconveniently and without asking anyone for confirmation like she said. She never even spoke to me like she did the others.

Then she wanted opening crew to take our lunches back to back. Which made the early morning person take their lunch 6-7 hours after they'd already been clocked on, and me take mine only a couple hours after I'd been clocked on. Well, what about the afternoon crew?

Afternoon crew, as Boss lady told our manager and new morning crew person, didn't have to take a lunch now because of the new schedule. Which put him at over 5/5.5 hours anyway, despite the hour cut.

My hours were being cut. She'd just hired new manager and new morning crew, who'd taken over everything of mine previously. She'd also already fired a few people, and the new minimum wage mandatory increase was right around the corner.

I watched my hours. I waited. Few days pass. The next week comes, everyones on edge, I'm a fireball.

She tells us we're not allowed to keep our "belongings" with the rest of the other clients when we're on lunch. We must remove them into an entire separate room, because they would otherwise make our numbers higher (of total clients allowed in a space per person ratio) and thus become "illegal". We'd been seen by a health inspector twice in a year or so by request of a client who wasn't too keen on our 'policies'. Boss Lady was adamantly covering bases, which meant fcking everyone over.

It was kind of the last straw. I applied elsewhere, got accepted, and left. I spent 2 weeks after my last day literally going through a detox/withdrawal. I became physically ill. I had mental breakdowns about once every couple days. It was hell, it was horrible. I hated every minute of it.

Someone else left. A month later another person left. Several people that'd gotten hired have already been fired. And apparently a business too similar to the glory days of the place I'd left, has moved a couple blocks down the road to a second location.

I've gotten a new job, but It's only partially an improvement, and I am still affected everyday by the abuse I'd suffered at that place, coupled with everything I already go through at home. And I am tired, and I do this alone, and I've been looking for a place to move into for years but minimum wage isn't a livable wage.

I am tired.

tl;dr how tf do you even summarize that?

#submissions #fuck managers #submission

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youngerdrgrey · 8 years

Text

never too old for wishes // a htgawm fic

written for day 18 of 30 x 31 writing challenge, prompt: celebrating a birthday

or, the time Wes repays the favor and helps Annalise through her birthday // also, posted on ao3 + fck whoever made the decision to end the s3 winter finale like that (Pete Nowalk probably)

Ten years ago, Annalise sat in front of the butter cake her husband had bought for her and wished that she could fix what she'd done. She wished that losing her son was enough penance for making another boy lose his mother, and she wished that she could somehow earn that boy's forgiveness.

"I know I don't deserve it," she says, "But I'm too old now to be holding onto all of this. I'm too...." She sighs so hard that she almost blows out the candle. "God, I'm so tired of giving everything I have and winding up buried in everyone else's shit. I understand the way debt works; I mean, I went to college and law school. I get it. But, I shouldn't be this deep. And I shouldn't still be clawing for every scrap of affection and attention and respect that these people have to give me. I-I deserve a chance to do better without it destroying what little I've got left. So that's all I want. A chance."

She lifts her hands at the wrists in a small show of defense. A small prayer, or surrender. But nothing happens. Nothing ever happens when she wishes for it. Except for maybe all hell breaking loose. She blows out the candle and reaches for the knife beside the cake.

Her phone buzzes. Loud and incessant even on vibrate. Bonnie knows better than to text her more than once on her birthday. And Bonnie assured her that everyone else knew it too. She slides the phone over so she can read the message.

To Prof Annalise // 8:42 pm Wes: I know we're not supposed to text you, but I wanted to check in. Make sure you're not relapsing or blitzed out somewhere. I know, it's none of my business, but I would feel better knowing you're okay and not too lonely today. Or any day really

If he was so worried about her being lonely, then he should've moved in when she mentioned it instead of running off and shacking up with Laurel. Of all people in this office, he chose the one obsessed with somebody else. What was wrong with him? What was his predisposition towards emotionally and psychologically unavailable women? And if that's his type, why isn't he knocking down her door, huh?

Not that she necessarily wants him to be. She just -- whatever, she wants him to be. Wants someone to be interested in her that won't betray and embarrass her, or move on to someone who can love them better than she ever could. But that's selfish. Holding on to someone just for the sake of holding them. Just to have an escape. It's why all she got from Eve was a phone call she'd ignored three hours ago. There's still a voicemail, heard but caught in that limbo between saved and ignored. She'll probably keep it for a while. Lie in her bed and listen to Eve's voice bounce off what had to be bathroom tiles.

She should text Eve back. She should eat her cake. She should... stop sighing so damn much.

To Eve Rothlo // 8:44 pm Annalise: Thank you for calling. I'm celebrating with Bonnie tonight, don't worry. You can make it up to me next time you're in town.

Okay, good, one person down.

Though, she has to figure out what to say to Wes. He tends to overreact about everything. Analyzes messages for information. Won't move in when she asks him to but will pop up at random times to bring things he's noticed aren't in the house. Sometimes he leaves things, and it has to be on purpose since it's recent. A jacket here or there, a book he's reading, a take out menu for the new Thai place down the street. He's helping in as little way as he can. She could probably do the same.

To Wes Gibbins // 8:46 pm Annalise: I'm fine, Wes. I've got a cake and everything. No need to worry about me Annalise: But since you're going to anyway, I'm as sober today as I have been the last few weeks. There's a meeting in a few hours, I might go.

It's a lie, of course. Going to the meeting would be admitting that this day is somehow harder than any other.

To Prof Annalise // 8:48 pm Wes: Don't tell them what day it is Wes: I hear they'll turn all the donuts into one big cake and sing at the top of their lungs

She snorts.

To Wes Gibbins // 8:50 pm Annalise: They couldn't be any worse than the class this morning. I needed ear plugs

To Prof Annalise // 8:51 pm Wes: I'll be sure to bring you some next year

She needs a minute to take that one in. Because next year means he'll still be around. Next year means he'll be slipping her little gifts and continuing to breathe in this tainted Middleton air. He's not darting off like Connor wants to be, or running away like Frank. He's sticking around.

Her phone jumps in her hand. She glances back down to see what he's added.

Wes: Or... if it's not too late....

Then the knock happens. On the front door. She practically falls out of her chair she gets up so quick. Rushes over with her phone still firm in her hand to let him in. If she were more composed, she would've taken her time. Would've played this moment off as something she hadn't wanted, like he'd read her wrong and she really did want to go to that meeting and listen to a bunch of people talk about their lives for an hour.

But it's her birthday, and she's alone, so she opens the door in under a minute. Wes holds up a bottle of apple cider and gives her a lopsided grin.

"It's got bubbles at least," he says.

She takes it. "You shouldn't enable. I'll tell them all about it at the meeting."

He laughs while untying his shoes. "Of course you will. But I was thinking we do something you actually like doing today."

All she likes are sex and drinking, so the options are pretty limited there. "What do I like to do?"

Wes shrugs his jacket off and just stands there. All twenty feet of him, staring down at her in her dimly lit foyer. His tongue pokes out to wet his lips. She does her best not to do the same. He says, "You tell me."

She normally wishes to be forgiven, but something about him chanting her name sounds a lot like retribution.

#I miss them but I'm still too ///???!!!!! about it all #htgawm #annawes #annalise x wes #annalise keating #wes gibbins #an unfriendly mention of l/aurel #who was a plot device this season lets be very fucking real about that #mine #30 x 31 #fm

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spocksaestheticblog-blog · 7 years

Text

so i wrote some NATM fanfiction starring my two favorite morbid egyptian shitpost brothers ft. a very tired larry daley and also the police. and the assumption that its the franklin museum bc tbh im in PA and honestly, its definitely the franklin museum. no one gives a fck there. its in philly. no ones gonna bat an eye if a neandertal homeless lookin dude bursts into dust in the street.

it goes along with these two arts if anyones wondering

this is probably just chapter 1 but i dont know if im really gonna write more, honestly a lot of this is just vent for my own trauma so take that with a grain of salt, and dont expect this to be. good. or coherent.

content warning for CSA references and self harm, foul language.

The young pharaoh wakes up to the familiar voice of Larry Daley, letting out a few deep coughs as he clears the dust from his lungs and brushes centuries old sand from his robes. “Ahk, I know we talked about this before, but I want to make sure you’re prepared, because I think one of the mummies in the new exhibit might be. Your brother.”

“…Oh! Where are they kept, then?! I haven’t seen him in many an age!” Akhmenra leaps out of his sarcophagus, only to have Larry put a hand out to stop him in his tracks.

“…You heard me, right? Your brother. The one that you told me held a pillow over your head while you were trying to sleep.”

Akh winces, suddenly regretting telling Larry about that. “…Too dark? It happened in Egypt all the time. I’m sure he had a reason. I would have done the same thing, probably. Maybe.”

Larry levels him a patented Look, but Akh waved it off, bouncing in place. Eventually, Larry caves and leads him down the hall, only to have someone round the corner and smack directly into Larry, knocking him to the ground. The figure brushes back complicated, gold-ringed braids that end in golden bird feet, coughing and trying to speak.

“Hhhhheh. Hkhkk- hehk- hh. Hello.”

Akhmenra’s eyes widen at the sight of his brother in the flesh, bound in linens just as he himself was, scars peeking out behind braids along the back of his neck, only slightly paler than he had been in life. Even so, he still proved to be tanner than Akh, kohl smudged into the deep crows feet around his eyes only accentuating this fact.

“Hey, yeah, I’m Larry. I’m not sure we’ve met…?”

Kahmunra. He was actually here.

“…Oh. Okay. Hyeah… I remember you.” His voice is rough, but smooths out slightly the more he speaks, lisp ever present as usual. “…You tfhwarted my plans! My uh, evil plans, heh! Army of the dead and all that…”

Akhmen can’t help but run up and hug the older Egyptian, despite their history. Even when Kahmun flinches, he drags his brother to a bench and sits him down, immediately occupying the spot next to him. “How did you get here?! Do you remember anything else? Tell me everything!”

Kahmunra looks…slightly paler at that, wincing, but gesturing as he begins to describe his adventures as a wax dummy. “Honestly, it washnt that interesting. Shpent a lot of time in shtorage watching videos, mosthly.” He pulls his arm back when he’s noticed the bandages aren’t covering his wrist, so Akh only gets a glimpse, but it almost seems like his arm has…stripes. Something.

He watches as Kahmun jumps to his feet. “Hey, I heard ththhhat- that there was a groshshs- grocers nearby! Wwh why dont we go there? I hhavent eaten in centuries!”

Larry rolls his eyes, even as Akh looks rather surprised at the sudden outburst. It seems Larry is far more used to catering to the whims of every single museum member, and at this point he’s just numb to it and going through the motions. The young pharaoh, at least, has the understanding to know that Kahmun typically hates public spaces and anything that requires too much effort, and he certainly hasn’t been awake here long enough to know about anything in the immediate area.

“I suppose we could head to the Trader Joe’s before it closes. I’m pretty loaded, so. Go nuts, I guess. We should probably get you something to wear on top of that, first, though.”

Kahmunra barely gives them time to blink, making a beeline for the locker room. He’s out in under a minute, wearing sweatpants and ill-fitting sneakers with a jacket that looks far too big, hanging haphazardly over one linen covered shoulder like a fashion statement. “A’right, less’go, time waitsh for no one!”

It’s actually a shorter walk than he expects, but he’s still nervous about someone recognizing them from the museum, especially since he wasn’t given any time to change out of his own royal robes. Kahmun’s assurances that everyone assumes they’re actors is not much comfort, and he really isn’t looking forward to any sort of questions about his job at the museum even if that is the case. He’s not even sure why Kahmunra insisted on leaving the museum in the first place, and he certainly doesn’t want to ask, but Larry doesn’t seem to mind escorting both of them, so he shrugs it off.

There’s less people here than he thought. A few stragglers give him some odd glances here and there, but for the most part, it’s almost empty, and no one bothers them. He starts to worry, though, because Kahmun is simply staring blankly at a box of cereal on the shelf, looking vaguely lost. When he places a hand on his brother’s shoulder, Kah finally speaks, voice low and soft.

“I didn’t mean it, you know. I jusht. I-I didn’t mean it. Yhyou know that, right?” Akh opens his mouth to respond, but Kahmun wanders farther down the aisle like a frightened animal when Larry approaches. Akhmenra jolts slightly as Larry pulls him aside, giving him a confused look as he does so.

“Ahk, he MURDERED you. Do you really trust what he says? You don’t know he’s not lying.”

Larry’s grip on his arm is tight, almost painfully so, as he eyes Kahmun suspiciously from around the corner of the aisle. Akh can see from here that his brother is hiding behind a display case, trembling and avoiding his gaze, looking as if he wants to crawl into the shelves and die. Akh pries Larry’s fingers off of his arm, watching the pale handprint fade from his skin as blood flows back into it.

Without even blinking, Akhmenra slaps him immediately, almost as hard as he possibly can, right palm stinging painfully from the force of it. It’s the only thing that he’s really properly felt in a long time, and he hates it.

“…You don’t know what it was like. For him, or for me. You weren’t THERE. This isn��t something you could possibly contextualize! Don’t TALK to me. Don’t even LOOK at me ever again. I don’t want to see you any more.”

By the time he turns his head to check on his brother, he’s already gone. Distantly, he registers the sound of the automatic doors at the front of the store, and he bolts. This has happened before when they were alive, but never when he’s been close enough to do anything about it. He follows his brother’s footsteps almost instinctually, even when that leads him up a fire escape to the roof of a building, even when his brother is faster, even when he sees a sliver of still-lingering color in the sky, despite sunset having been an hour ago. It’s too early for this. It’s far too early for this.

He stops in his tracks. Kahmun isn’t anywhere near the edge of the roof, so… So what is he doing? Is he okay? Are things okay now? Maybe he just needed space? A million thoughts race through his head as he hesitantly approaches the roof access pillar that his brother is hiding behind. He can’t stop trembling, the residual adrenaline leaving him weak and nauseous.

The panic comes back full force as he rounds the corner. Where did Kahmun even get a knife? Who let him have a knife? Why would…Who would…The sight of blood is too much. It’s far too much. Akh finds himself wrenching the knife from Kahmun with more force than necessary, tossing it far over the edge of the building.

Kahmunrah slumps against the brick wall, eyes unfocused and lids heavy. He sobs openly.

Akhmenrah had never actually properly seen Kahmun’s arms without the linens. He desperately wraps linen around the fresh, deep gashes that bled too fast for his comfort, cutting off circulation. But below those are older scars, he sees now, thousands of them, more than he can count, raised skin like ridges along most of his arm. How long… How long had this been going on? Akh knew about the scars on his back, where the linen sat loose around his collarbone and raised, scarred flesh had always been prominent up the back of his neck. But those were not so obviously self-inflicted.

These scars, these were the kind he’d only seen before on a handful of teens that wore long sleeves in the middle of summer. The ones that strayed to the back of the group, the ones that avoided eye contact. He used to chat with them the most, because they always looked so empty and sad, but he had never…understood.

“…I know it was an accident. I know. I’m here now. It doesn’t matter any more. It never mattered. Please…Please don’t ever- You do not deserve this. Fuck, our parents deserve this, but not you. Not you. You did what you could. Please…Please don’t die. You deserve better.”

He watches his brother turn away slightly, no longer sobbing, instead letting hot tears roll down his face silently as he stares at the ground. He says nothing, and Akh almost wants to shake him to make him believe, hands still wrapped around the wound.

“…D-do you want to go to a hospital? We could- I could. I could just.”

“…I want to go back to the museum. To my sarcophhagus. I want to sleep,” Kah holds up his free hand in surrender as Akh opens his mouth, “-Just sleep. Jusht a nap. Just a quick nap. I’ll- I’ll be okay…” Kahmun laughs, and Akh swallows loudly, trembling still. “…This isn’t even the most blood I’ve ever losht. It’s barely anything. Don’t worry.”

Akhmen can’t even hold it in any more. He sets his forehead against Kahmun’s and wails. He sobs openly as he remembers all the moments in his childhood he tried to forget, tried to bury under dark humor and amusement and authority. He’d watched countless Jews beaten to death by his father’s hands when he was but a child, remembering vividly the face of one of them trying to reassure him, a five year old child, holding what was soon to be a corpse. He remembers being eight and barely being able to breathe from the inside of a pot, fingers burning from the scrapes he’s gotten trying to move the lid, falling still only when he hears pained screaming that he only dimly recognizes as his brother. He remembers the one time he finally managed to raise the lid of his prison, only to shut it again in horror as, for a brief moment, he glimpses nudity and blood through the crack of light. For all of his lifetime he’d assumed his brother was simply trying to torture him, that he’d been playing tricks on him all this time. But he knows what he saw. He knows, and he’d denied it, and he’d pretended all this time that it wasn’t real.

It’s fucking killing him. He knows, now, or maybe he had always known. Kahmun was…hiding him. From this. From whatever this was… And he had hated his brother for this all his life. He’d told people, actual people, that his brother had killed him out of malice. That it was an act of spite and hatred.

“It… It wasn’t an accident. It was never an accident. I couldn’t… I couldn’t let you live like this. I knew what the tablet was, I couldn’t…I couldn’t let you figure out how they made it. I couldn’t let you live like that. I couldn’t live with that. I couldn’t. I couldn’t look at that. I knew. I knew and I let them do it because I was selfush, I. I thought I could take it and mhmaybe this time would be… Maybe it would be differnht. But- But it isnh’t differint at all.”

Akh’s hands drop to his sides loosely. He wants Kahmun to stop talking. He wants to beg Kahmun to stop talking. He can’t handle this, he has no means of processing this, and he cannot handle this knowledge, this torment. Most of all, he desperately wants to feel some sense of betrayal, some sort of pity, anything else other than the intense shard of empathy that feels like hot knives through his blood.

“…I. I wanted to live. Not jusht…Live. I wh- to- I wanted to be okay. I wanted to be okay, just this once. I thought it would be okay if I cccould jusht. I deserved better! I deserved better and I ththought if I lived again that maybe everything wouldn’t… I thought it wouldn’t hurt. I thought everyfhing would be…Okay. I thought… I didn’t know… I…”

Please. Stop. Talking.

For the love of Ra, please stop talking. Anything. Please. Don’t let me hear this.

“…I didn’t- think. I didn’t think the tablet would wake him up. I thought he’d be dead. I thought things would be okay thhis time.”

Akh wishes he’d stayed dead. He wishes he didn’t know. He wishes they were both dead. He doesn’t know what to wish for. His brain scrambles for some semblance of hope or happy outcome or any shred of decency in the immediate future, but nothing is there. Instead, he grasps the wound again, properly wrapping it this time so, hopefully, Kahmun won’t lose any more blood.

“I knknknow you dduhn. nn. nh. srv- dhshr- you’re more worth this thhan I am. Yhhhyou deserved a life. Bhut this is the best I could do. I. I wanted you to have shshomenthing where you would be safe. Not…”

Akhmenrah frowns gently, holding up a hand. “…Kahmun. You need to stop talking. You’ve lost blood.”

“…I kknow. M’sorry bout th…The mess.” Kahmun coughs slightly, more out of embarrassment than anything else, clamping the hand of his good arm on his brother’s shoulder so he can use the leverage to pick himself up. Akh reaches a hand up weakly, as if to stop him, then lets it fall as Kah manages to stand on his own, looking none the worse for wear despite the paleness and the blood.

They both walk back to the museum in silence.

Akh’s feet stop moving when he feels an arm against his chest. When he looks up, there’s at least two police cruisers in front of the museum, and quite a few officers. Kahmun gently hooks his good arm around Akhmenra’s, tugging him backwards through the dark alleyway as slowly as he can.

“…What did you do?”

“I shsshs. I woke up- h hh. He was right there- hhe wwh. Lifting the lid. I panicked! I ddidn. tuh. uh. I. I panicked. I- I did shay i was sorry a-ah- about the mess.”

“Blessed Amun, what the fuck, Kahmun?! We aren’t even going to jail for this! How are we going to explain this?! What’s going to happen?! What if he comes back? Is he going to come back? Do you know what’s gonna happen when they take his body away?”

Kahmunra looks at him with a joy he’s never seen.

“…I did it. We’re free.”

“No, see, Kahmun, that body is going to decintegrate as soon as the sun rises. What are the police going to do once that happens, huh? They’re gonna see it was a mummy and they’re gonna come after ALL of us!”

Looking smug, Kahmunrah smiles, pressing his tongue through the gap in his crooked front teeth.

“When the sun rishes, someone’s going to see the body’s mishsing from the museum. They’re gonna have a case file, and a bunsh of police that are going to look like they got completely trashed and stole a mummy from a museum. No one is going to look for ush, Akhi.”

The young pharaoh eyes the police warily from the shadows, ducking both of them behind the corner so they’re safely out of view. “…Alright, but I sure hope you’re right. What…What do we do until then? You’ve got a busted arm we need to hide, and we do need to get back in the museum before sunrise…”

“…I saw a CVS around here. Let’s jusht hang out there like it’s the movie Mannequin and we’re Samantha trying to seduce Andrew McCarthy into giving us free sshit.”

Akh’s laughter is almost music, and he gladly follows Kahmun.

……………………………………………………………………………

#im super done looking at this so i dont even care if it looks good or makes sense #natm #probably dont read this if r under 18 but im not gonna straight up stop you from doing so #im not a responsible adult sorry fronds

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baelllamyblake · 7 years

Text

Alive and Well. ( Bellamy Blake x Reader )

Request : 1 -Reader suppose to be on the Ring but she was with Clarke and they didn't make it to ship on time but they both survived. And Reader and Bellamy were couple so she's the one talking to him on the radio everyday. And he was completly broken after that and when they got back he's shocked and they share very emotional reunion (as they both changed very much). And she almost attacked them scared that they're people from this prisoner ship. Thanks! -ANON

2 - Hey there! Just another cute request with Bellamy Blake coming back on earth 7 years after praimfaya when the reader had to stay on earth (he thought she was dead with Clarke) Small detail: one day before goint back to the ark, the reader gave birth to their daughter and see her again 7 years after, when Bellamy had to raise her alone in the ark. NOTHA REQUEST WHICH ACTUALLY GOES WITH THE PREVIOUS ONE: could I please with sugar on top get an imagine when bellamy is raising his daughter alone on the ark with the reader being on earth (supposely dead) Like cute moments daughter/father, the skaikru team being protective and playing with the daughter 😎 Have a nice sundayyyy - @enoraturner

Pairing : Bellamy x FEM Reader

Word Count : 2,753

Warnings : like three curse words lol

A/N : okay so lets just imagine that D/F/N was a ripped metal ass baby that can survive the vacuum of space bc going to space a day after ur born is kinda unrealistic LMAO the ending might be a little lackluster sorry!! just wanted to get this out there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ also thank you so much for requesting!! please request some more !! i love writing for Bellamy !! im really scared on how this will do pls help me out here

D/F/N, D/M/N = daughter’s first name/middle name

FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APPRECIATED SO PLEASE FCK ME UP WIT IT<3

“ Here we go again. “ You huffed out quietly, a radio in one hand and a wrinkled map in the other. A stray breeze flowed gracefully through your hair and along the branches of nearby trees. You gazed longingly at the black CB radio in your palm, hoping a familiar voice would just speak out of nowhere. It nearly brought you to tears just imagining the thought of someone responding after six lonely years.

“ Bellamy, if you can hear me, you’re alive. It’s been 2,199 days since Praimfaya. I don’t know why I still do this every day. Maybe it’s my way of staying sane here with Clarke. Not forgetting who I am, who I was. It’s been safe for you to come down for over a year now. Why haven’t you? I miss you. “

“ D/F/N D/M/N Blake! Come out, come out, wherever you are! “ Bellamy playfully yelled out, his voice echoing throughout the metal halls of the Ark. His feet quickly tip toed along the corridors while his eyes briefly scanned each and every room in search of his little daughter. Just before leaving after peeking in the last bedroom of Hall C, a high giggle could be heard from under the floorboards.

“ Hm, if I was a seven year old, where would I hide? “ Bellamy questioned curiously out loud, attempting to lure D/F/N out of her hiding spot. The tiny child kept her fingers planted on her lips, refraining from making a peep of noise. Her father slowly kneeled down on the floor, silently lifting up a tile and revealing the surprised face of a little girl. “ I found you! Now, come on out, sweetheart. Monty’s making us try foods again. “

“ Ewww, do we have too? “ D/F/N groaned out, her nose crinkling in disgust as she crawled out of the tiny floorspace. Bellamy hummed out in affirmation, a small sigh following suit. During the six years in space, Monty has been experimenting to find sources of nutrients to sustain eight people, even if they tasted like bitter posion. “ Last one there has to drink two! “

“ Hey! No fair! “ Bellamy barked out, running after his daughter who already disappeared around the corner like a ghost. He groaned out as a hand ran through his ruffled hair, knowing full well he would never catch up to D/F/N. She was too smart for her own good, an obvious trait she inherited from her wonderful mother, and she never stopped asking about going back to Earth.

Bellamy saw so much of you in D/F/N: the H/C hair, the E/C eyes, the ability to think in such creative and unusual ways. She was practically a carbon copy of everything he missed so dearly. Bellamy would look down on the world from the Ark, watching it simmer in radiation and never letting himself forget how he didn’t try hard enough to get you to come along. As D/F/N grew, Bellamy became somewhat accustomed with your absence, it was like you left her as a souvenir for him!

“ Bottoms up, King. You got two to drink this time. “ Murphy teased, his chin planted in his palm as a smug grin curled on his lips. The rest cheered loudly as Bellamy took the seat next to D/F/N on the bench, eyeing the nutrients warily while his stomach did ten flips.

“ Chug! Chug! Chug! “ Skaikru chanted over and over, their fists pounding sonorously on the metal table, even D/F/N joined in! That little rat! Bellamy groaned out defeated, his hand lifted the bowl to his lips and his throat choked down both bowls of the sharp tasting sludge. Laughter and claps broke out when Bellamy slammed the bowl down on the table, sloppily wiping the residue from off his mouth.

“ Your turn, dear. “ Bellamy spoke deviously, nudging D/F/N and almost nearly gagging right after. It never got any easier to drink that sludge, ask anyone in the Ark. D/F/N sighed out, silently preparing herself as she pinched her nose and downed the nutrients without fail. Raven and Echo clapped happily, showering her with accolades for being such a big girl as Murphy gave her an eager fistbump. Monty slapped his hand with a smile on his face and D/F/N did just the same, taking Bellamy by surprise. When did he teach D/F/N him and Jasper’s signature quirk? “ Okay, that was pretty good, I won’t lie. “

“ You’re just mad because you had to drink two, dad. “ D/F/N boasted confidently, her nose stuck up and her arms crossed firmly over her chest. Bellamy’s right eyebrow cocked slightly at her, the rest pointing and laughing at him. The mischievous smile on Bellamy’s face hinted that karma was about to bite D/F/N in the ass.

“ Well, joke’s on you, sweetheart. You earned yourself an extra hour of studying. “ Bellamy stared bluntly, the jeering instantly shifted into boos as D/F/N pouted childishly. The resent showed plainly on her face as she stomped to the makeshift library down Hall D.

“ You make a great dad, you know that? Y/N would be insanely proud of you, really! “ Raven commended him, the others quickly agreeing as well. Bellamy smiled sheepishly in response, relived that he wasn’t doing such a bad job of being a father figure to his daughter. “ We’re all really proud of you too, Bell. Keep up the good work! “

“ I really appreciate all your guy’s help. I wouldn’t have been able to this on my own. “ Bellamy humbly thanked Skaikru, a small smile remaining on his tanned face. Everyone sat in a comfortable silence, looking back on what’s happened during the six years in space as well as the years down on Earth. Everyone missed you yet no one mentioned it, especially Bellamy. You always had a way of breaking the silence and distracting people in a way where they totally forgot that the world was a complete shithole. “ What do you guys think about returning to Earth? I think it’s about time. “

“ Can you please help me? “ D/F/N peeped out, a small book in her hand as her finger pointed out the name Hecuba. Bellamy put down the Iliad beside him to get a better look. “ What does that say? “

“ Hecuba. Say it for me? He-Cu-Ba? “ Bellamy enunciated the name of the woman whose cry of grief moved the Greek Gods in the heavens above, looking to his daughter after. D/F/N attempted to repeat the name but didn’t really succeed. It’s the thought that counts!

“ Hey, D/F/N. Want to do something not boring? “ Raven peeked in the crack of the doorway, moving the tendril of hair behind her ear. D/F/N gasped in response, her mood instantly lifting and her eyes sparkling as she dashed out the door with Raven. Bellamy sighed out, she was supposed to study! He roamed over to the bedroom window, a perfect view of the scorched Earth beneath him. A half full bottle of alcohol sat on the windowsill, Bellamy’s thoughts pondering if they should really go back.

He left you behind and he couldn’t seem to stop beating himself up for it. Bellamy brushed his hand over his beard out of sheer stress, what if you and Clarke were dead this whole time? The trip back would be all for naught and there was definitely no way of getting back. The rest of the group were also uneasy about the proposal of risking everything if there was just going to be another Praimfaya and no second option of surviving it. Bellamy and them decided to let the thought marinate a little before collectively making a final desicion.

Bellamy contemplated finishing off the rest of the blue potion, in hopes that everything would be okay and that you were still kicking it. He took it into his hand before shaking the thought off and setting it back on the window sill, he has better things to do. Bellamy forced himself up off the desk chair to find D/F/N and Raven somewhere in the Ark.

“ Oh my god, Raven! You are not taking her on a space walk! Are you fucking crazy! “ Bellamy scolded her as she froze in the middle of zipping up a child sized space suit for D/F/N. He nearly lost his shit at the scenario of D/F/N floating off into space like some thriller movie. Echo, Monty, and Murphy sat silently in guilt, they thought it would’ve been cool! How could not try it? “ When did you even make that! “

“ Echo and I totally did not sew this suit for D/F/N a few months ago and we totally have not been planning this space walk for a few months now. “ Raven lied through her teeth, her head hung low in shame. Anger rose in Bellamy’s chest, so much for thanking them for their help! They were going to kill his one and only!

“ And you guys just let this happen? “ Bellamy questioned Monty and Murphy, putting them on the spot just before berating them for being in on the scheme. He looked to D/F/N with furrowed eyebrows and kneeling before her, his hands planted on the sides of her tiny biceps. “ You should’ve told me, sweetheart. This is dangerous! You could die out there! “

“ I’m sorry.. If we were on Earth, stuff like this wouldn’t happen! I want to see my mom already! “ D/F/N murmured out an apology with a sniffle before bursting into tears and running out of the airlock room. Bellamy sighed out, if you were here, he wouldn’t have been dealing with this problem. Bellamy rose from his place on the cold floor and sent one last death look to everyone before retreating to find D/F/N.

“ D/F/N? Where are you? I’m sorry for yelling, sweetheart. I just didn’t want you to get hurt! “ Bellamy yelled down each hallway, his head peeking in every other before moving into the common room. He stopped dead in his tracks like a deer in the headlights. D/F/N stood frozen in utter fear as a rifle barrel was pointed just between her eyes.

“ Come with us or she dies. “ One of the strangers spoke up as the other retrieved D/F/N who let out a high yelp as the woman dragged her roughly down Hall B by the bicep. She tried so hard to rebel against the outsider by screaming and thrashing violently but the effort was rendered futile. They both disappeared around a corner but D/F/N could still be heard crying and shrieking out for her father. Bellamy’s raised hands gripped into tight fists out of fury. Where were they taking her?

“ Who are you? “ Bellamy barked loudly, his jaw clenching tightly as the rest of Skaikru joined behind him, their hands slowly rising to the ceiling. His instincts told him to attack while the end of an assault rifle forced him to seethe in rage.

“ We’re here to take you back to Earth. “

“ The bunker’s gone silent, too. We tried digging them out for a while, but there was too much rubble. I haven’t made contact with them, either. Anyway, I still have hope that I’ll get to see you. Tell Raven to aim for the one spot of green, and you’ll find me. The rest of the planet, from what I’ve seen, basically sucks, so- “ You spoke into the radio, eyes gazing at the dirt and leaves under your boots. A distant boom ripped your attention from the ground to the high clouds above.

A small, almost microscopic in the sea of blue zoomed across the sky, the sound of its rockets could be heard from a mile away. You rose to your feet, your chest rising with all kind of emotions like you were going to burst into a million pieces. Bellamy felt the same way, the possibility of seeing you again and showing you the product of his teachings made him want to scream out in joy for no reason at all. D/F/N tightened her clutch on Bellamy’s jacket, her nose sniffling as leftover tears stained her cheeks. He wrapped his arms around her thin body, his lips pressed against the top of her head in hopes to reassure D/F/N that everything would be fine. Bellamy couldn’t wait to tell you everything that happened up in space, holy shit.

“ Nevermind, I see you. “ You uttered, tears running down your cheeks as you rushed to wake Clarke up. You shook her awake, a giant smile plastered on your face. Clarke grumbled incoherently, her fingers rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “ They’re here! I think they heard us, Clarke. “

Clarke instantly shot up from her resting spot, following suit behind you as you dashed to get a better look at the ship. It was strange as the ship inched closer and closer to the ground, it was a lot larger than you remembered. Bellamy was unsure of how close they were to landing, they were locked on the bottom of a floating prison transport ship while the fugitives piloted the vehicle on the top floor.

“ You said it was a small ship, right? “ You asked, slight fear consuming your chest cavity. Clarke confirmed with a silent nod as you looked down the sight of your nearby assault rifle. “ Oh God, get down and get the rover out. Load all of the guns too. “

Clarke hastily followed your orders and retreated into the driver’s seat of the jeep, backing it up behind the treeline. What the fuck is going on? You cocked the handle of your rifle and slowly made your way to the landing site of the prison transport.

The ship was dauntingly gigantic, much larger than the drop ship but smaller than Arkadia. You’ve never seen this kind of ship before, it looked much more advanced than any technology you’ve seen on the Ark before. You’ve never seen the corporation name either. Who was running the Eligius Corporation ship?

Your train of thought was quick to be derail when the sound of latches and locks started moving out of place, indicating that the entrance will be revealed and you were going to kill whoever came out on sight. The gun was pressed firmly to your shoulder, your finger itching to press the trigger.

You already knew who it was as soon as you saw the top of their head. The tears were already falling and all your muscles immediately untensed in complete and utter relief. Bellamy was alive and D/F/N was absolutely gorgeous. You dropped the gun on the grass, your heart raced at a hundred miles per hour, excited to hug the love of your life.

It was like all the oxygen in Bellamy’s lungs left as soon as his eyes adjusted to the light and eventually focused on you. Skaikru stood in blatant shock, you were alive and well after everyone thought you weren’t. You beat the impossible odds and here you were in your full glory, face to face with Bellamy after an eternity spent apart.

No words were spoken, just a long awaited hug to confirm that you both were real and it wasn’t just a simple dream. D/F/N hid behind Echo’s leg, her large eyes trained directly on you. You took in all of Bellamy: his hair, his clothes, his smell. Before opening your eyes and realizing that your seven year old daughter was watching you. You pulled away from Bellamy, acknowledging D/F/N was here on Earth with you. She rapidly averted her gaze and shrank even more behind her leg. Echo looked to D/F/N and patted her head comfortingly, letting her know that everything was completely okay.

You knelt on the ground and held out a hand to her, eyebrows furrowed in nervousness. What if your daughter rejects you? You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. D/F/N peeked her eyes out to look at Bellamy who nodded for her to come out of her hiding spot. She steadily shuffled her way to you, uneasiness showing as plain as day on her face.

“ It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve been waiting a really, really long time for this, D/F/N. I’m Y/N, your mother. “

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