#maybe that was harsh wording but Please... blood was shed for this cause. people died for us

[uncanny-tranny]

Every now and then I remember I am significantly older than the legalization of gay marriage in my country and I take psychic damage every time. I am not that old, like my life has just begun.

Just... Remember our rights didn't just descend from the heavens hundred of years ago. It is still a fresh memory, a blip compared to the timeline of the world.

[the-awkward-outlaw]

I was just playing the mission where they clear out beaver hallow and it made me want to request something where healthy! Arthur rescues a reader in the cave and the aftermath where they fall in love and what not 👀😬🥰 pretty please

Yay, I was so happy to write this one! So happy I went and wrote like 13 pages 🙄 Anyways, enjoy. 

Warnings: blood, gore, witnessed rape, but I make it up with a lot of fluff!

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Cold. That’s all you feel. Physically, mentally, emotionally. The entire world has grown cold. How can you believe in warmth and light and love or kindness in a place like this? You’re surrounded by constant darkness, only occasionally broken up by the firelight of torches, hidden somewhere around the bend of the giant pillar holding the ceiling of this massive cavern. If only you could leave, but you’re trapped in this steel cage, the door bound tightly shut by thick ropes. 

It’s impossible to say how long you’ve been here. There’s no way for you to tell between night and day, and therefore you haven’t been able to count. It feels like an eternity though. All the others you were with, your brother and his horrible wife and spoiled daughter, they’re all dead. Why you were spared by these murderers is a mystery. Maybe because you were the only grown woman who showed no signs of being spoilt by another man, maybe it was just a random choice. 

Not that the others in your caravan were killed immediately. Some of them were, sure, shot down by the rifles in the Murfree’s hands, like your brother for instance. He hadn’t even seen them coming before those men put a bullet in his skull. You, the other women and a few of the men were bound and dragged to their cavern while a few stayed behind to butcher the others. If only their screams were the only ones you heard. 

After being dragged into the cavern, the Murfrees took the three of the four men left alive and began to attack them, cutting off bits and pieces of them, gutting one and skinning the other. It was bad enough to hear and see what was happening, but then you watched, held down by a Murfrees boot, as your sister-in-law was stripped, raped and then cut into pieces. Her massacred torso was shoved onto a spike, a warning to travelers of what was waiting for them. She was an evil, horrible person, but she didn’t deserve that. 

You and your niece were two of the four left alive. Another woman and the last man were dragged inside. All the women, including your niece, were thrown into this cage while the man was taken somewhere else, apparently meant to be tortured slowly. There was no rhyme or reason to this savage attack, but as time passed and you picked up bits and pieces of the Murfrees talking, you gathered that they viewed this area as their territory and would defend it however they deemed fit, and that was through extreme violence and foul savagery. 

As the days passed, though you could not count them for lack of light, the Murfrees began to prey upon the other two women in the cage with you. They picked the oldest one first, dragging her out, shearing her hair off, raping her. Apparently she was too old for their taste and they killed her only a few hours later. 

Your niece, though spoiled rotten and one of the worst people you’ve ever known, you would never wish any of this on her. They picked her next. They dragged her from the cage, strapped her to a rack and left her naked. Every once in a while, some of them would gather around her, rape her, cut her, whip her. Her screams were the worst as she was little more than a child. YOu were glad she didn’t last long. But her death meant that it was your turn. 

However, the Murfrees haven’t done anything just yet. They’ve come up to the cage, rattled the bars, screamed all sorts of horrible things at you, stuck in their hands to try and grab you, but they haven’t done anything. It’s clear why. This waiting, the anticipation for the inevitable horrors lying ahead for you, is a form of torture. And torture it is. You wished they’d just kill you already. 

It’s impossible to say how many tears you’ve shed. Your throat is cracked, dry and painful from the lack of water and the hours you’ve spent screaming for help. Your captors haven’t bothered to offer you food or water, but that’s the last thing you’re worried about. You know they’re capable of far, far worse. 

Your niece must have died days ago. They still haven’t bothered to remove her corpse from the rack on the other side of the cavern from your cage. The smell of this place is choking. The stench of her decay, and the decay of other rotting bodies, overwhelms you. That mixed with urine and feces threatens to make you vomit what very little nourishment is left in your stomach. 

At one point, a Murfree walks past your cage. You look out with a tear-stained face. “Kill me, please!” you beg. 

He just chuckles, showing rotten teeth. “Oh not so fast there, little girl. Your friends died way too quickly. We plan on making you last a while.” 

You try to make him angry, to spur him to kill you, but he doesn’t fall for it. You try everything you can think of, but nothing comes of it. They’ve left you in nothing but your underclothes. If you weren’t already so terrified of them raping you and leaving your naked body on display, you’d strip yourself out of your chemise and hang yourself. As time goes on though, that idea becomes more and more appealing. How much longer can you last? 

Finally the cave falls silent. There hasn’t been any screams for some time, all their other victims must be dead or incapacitated. The Murfrees are quiet too. Maybe they’re sleeping, or out scouting for fresh blood. This gives you the opportunity to lay on the back wall of the cage that’s right against the pillar, meaning no one can grab you through the bars. Despite the fear and pain in your bruised body, you manage to fall into a light sleep. 

Suddenly someone screams out, jerking you awake. It isn’t the scream of someone getting tortured or murdered. There’s words in them. 

“Someone’s in the cave!” it says. 

You stand up, your heart in your throat. A gunshot echoes through the cavern making you jump out of your skin, and it’s followed by more screams. Murfrees begin to swarm towards the gunshots, screaming and calling out threats. They’re armed with machetes and guns of their own. 

After several minutes, the air finally falls silent. Then the face of a man comes into view. You’ve never seen him before. His intelligent eyes glitter from a dark face and he calls behind him. 

“There’s someone alive, she’s in a cage.” 

All you can think of is that they’re new captors, and that they’re just as bad or possibly worse than the Murfrees. A whimper escapes your lips as you try clinging to the back wall of the cage, looking for somewhere to hide. 

The man comes back into view, followed by another man. He wears a leather hat and he slings a gun to his back before approaching. 

“S-stay away from me!” you yell out, your voice surprisingly strong. 

“It’s okay, we’re here to help,” the white man says. He gets close to the door, despite you pleading for him to leave and then pulls out a knife. You begin screaming, your legs turning to jelly as you sink to the ground in the corner. This is it. You’re going to have a number of unspeakable things done to you and then you’re going to die. 

“Shhh, we ain’t gonna hurt ya,” says the man, quickly cutting through the rope that locks your door. He sheaths it immediately and holds his arms up. His voice is soft and gentle. 

“Easy, easy. We’re here to help.” 

“Please leave me alone,” you sob. Your hands are over your ears as tears sting your eyes. He’s getting closer, causing your heart to beat painfully. Your head drops to your knees so you don’t have to see him anymore, hoping he’ll go away. 

Something gently touches your shoulder, but you flinch as though stung. It touches you a little harder, but there’s no pain to it. When you uncover your eyes, you see it’s his hand. Blue eyes meet yours and he talks gently again. 

“It’s okay. I’m here to help ya. Gonna get you home.” He slowly gets closer, enveloping his arms around you. Despite your intense fear, you lean into him, burying your face into his chest. He smells good, but that’s in comparison to the foul stench of the cave. Heat emanates from him, allowing you to escape from the cold, and you shiver. 

“A’right, let’s get ya outta here.” The man stands up, but you cling to him, suddenly afraid of his absence. Contrary to what you believed a few moments ago, this man represents safety, light, warmth and hope. You cling to his hand, sticking close as he begins walking through the cavern, accompanied by the other man you first saw. 

“So, where you from?” your hero asks. 

“Valentine. But… but… I don’t…” You blanch as you see the fresh corpses of the Murfrees spread around. 

“It’s okay,” he says, squeezing your hand. “They’re all dead. You’re safe.” 

You swallow, your lower lip trembling, sticking closer to him as you both walk towards the mouth of the cave. Your feet scrape against the cold rock and small bones of animals that are strewn about. Light hits your eyes suddenly, harsh and painful, causing you to wince. After a moment, you adjust to it and look around the uncomfortably familiar clearing, littered with bodies and broken bits of wagons. You avoid looking at the pike holding what’s left of your sister-in-law. 

Your hero stands next to a horse and he looks back at you. “You okay to ride a little? I’ll take ya home.” 

You begin shivering and then break into tears, crumpling to the ground. “My family…. There’s…. There’s no one left.” 

The man walks over and gently picks you up so you’re standing. He offers himself as a support for you and you lean into him, wishing this was all nothing more than a horrible nightmare. 

“You sayin’ you ain’t got a family no more?” he asks softly. 

You nod into his shirt. “They’re gone. They’re gone.” 

“Well… ya can’t stay here. Let me take ya home, then you can figure out what ya wanna do.” 

Slowly, he lifts you onto his horse and then climbs on in front. You cling to him as though your very life depends on it, which it partially does. He bids his companion farewell and then kicks his horse into an easy gallop. 

“You okay, miss?” he asks after a few moments. 

“They’re… they’re animals!” you say with a harsh sob. 

“I know, but you’re safe now.” 

“I haven’t slept in days! My family, they killed them!” You bury your head into his back and cry, exhaustion ripping through you. The weight of the last few days is finally slamming into you. All you want to do is curl up and sleep, never to wake up again. Part of you wishes this man would take pity on you and just put a bullet in your head. It would be easier. But amidst your crying, you don’t have the strength to ask him. 

He rides on, giving you encouragement every once in a while. When he passes O’Creagh’s Run, you guide him to your cabin, which isn’t too much farther away. Once there, he helps you down from his horse and you stare at the cabin miserably. 

This cabin, you thought it had been hell before. After your parents died, you had nowhere to go but your brother’s, with his horrible wife and worse daughter, all of whom are now dead. If you’d had the money, you would’ve left a long time ago. Then, your brother got a job in Boston, which was why you were caravaning up to Annesburg, to board the train and go there. That is what led to you ending up in the Murfree’s clutches. 

The cabin lies cold and empty now. Your hero walks up to it with you and you open the door, finding the very little furniture that was left behind, including your rickety bed but it has no blankets. Only the lumpy mattress you slept on. The man looks around, clearly worried about your predicament. 

“You sure there ain’t no where else I can take ya, ma’am?” 

You shake your head. “I don’t h-have anyone else, mister.” 

He sighs and nods, then goes to his horse where he pulls off his bedroll. He hands it to you. “Here. I know it ain’t much, but sounds like you need something warm to sleep in. You gonna be okay?” 

Your lip is trembling again and more tears are swelling up, but you nod. He looks at you, his eyes saying he doesn’t believe you. 

“Here, why don’t you lay down, try gettin’ some rest. I’ll um, see if I can cook you somethin’ to eat.” 

You’re so tired and confused that you can do nothing else but obey him. He sprawls his bedroll on the old mattress and you climb into it. All you want to do is fall asleep now that you’re warm and protected by this stranger, but the memories and the screams come back to you, preventing you from doing so. Soon, the smell of cooking meat fills the cabin and you look up. 

“I got some venison cookin’ up for ya.”

The thought of eating any kind of meat, after the things you witnessed, makes you want to gag. He sees your green face. 

“Somethin’ wrong?” 

“I… I can’t eat that. Not…. not like this. Not now.” 

Realization dawns on his face. “That’s a’right, I’ll eat it later. Well here, I got some beans, canned fruit. Here, got this too.” 

He reaches into his satchel and pulls out a chocolate bar and hands it to you. Despite having not eaten in days, you’re really not hungry. You take the candy and just hold it, sniffing lightly. You hear him sigh and then he drags the one chair left in the house over to you, sitting down so he can look at you. 

“Ma’am, I know you seen some bad things back there. I know those bastards killed your family. I’m real sorry, about all that. But… well, you’d make me feel a lot better if you’d eat somethin’.” 

Tears streaming down your cheeks, you open the chocolate up and take a bite, though you don’t really taste it. He pats your knee, making you flinch. 

“What’s your name?” 

You tell him and he nods. “Arthur. Arthur Morgan. You, uh, you gonna be okay here?” 

You just shrug your shoulders. Although you’ve no appetite, you’re starting to feel better now that your stomach has something in it. When you’re finished eating, Arthur offers you some peaches but you deny them. You really don’t think you can handle any more food. Instead, you lay down to try and get some sleep. Arthur stands up and begins heading for the door. 

“Wait,” you say, your voice shaking. “Arthur, will… will you stay with me? At least until I… I’m not awake anymore?” 

He turns and looks at you. It’s obvious from his face he’s got something heavy weighing on his mind, but he nods and sits back down in the chair. “Sure. Guess I can do that.” 

You lay back down, your eyes unable to close for fear of seeing the horrors you witnessed. You can’t stand to watch your family get butchered again, hear their screams. Arthur pulls out an old journal from his satchel and begins scratching at a page with his pencil. The sound, and the exhaustion, finally lulls you to sleep. 

Contrary to your surety, you end up having no dreams. Perhaps your mind’s so tired it can’t muster up the energy to dream, or maybe it’s trying to block the memories out. You don’t care though, you’re just grateful. You wake up after a few hours. It’s dark outside your window. Arthur’s gone and you’re all alone. 

You feel like crying again, but you’re extremely thirsty. A result of having nothing to drink for God knows how long. You go out into the family room and kitchen of the cabin and find something lying on the cold stove. There’s several cans of food, a full waterskin,  a bundle of money and a letter. Reading it, you see it’s from Arthur and he begs you to take care of yourself as best you can and that he’ll try and check on you in a few days. The thought of him returning sends a jolt of hope through your chest. 

After drinking nearly half of the waterskin’s contents, you try going back to sleep, but you’re afraid. Afraid of the isolation, the darkness. You light a candle, but it does little to help. Shadows flicker along the walls, the silhouettes of the leaves outside play tricks on your eyes. 

You know that not all the Murfrees were in that cabin when Arthur saved you. There were still plenty out there, alive and probably angry. Would they hunt you down? Would they hunt Arthur down? You have more questions than answers. The fear that they will track you and find you here tears through your chest. Should you leave? If Arthur returns, should you ask to follow him? He must have a group of people he lives with, but the thought of living with strangers makes you afraid too. You’ll be lucky if you ever trust another person after this. How can anyone be good when you just witnessed such extreme brutality? 

***************************

A few days pass with no sight or word of another person, which is lucky for you. You talked yourself into going to the stream not far from the cabin and bathing, happy to strip the dirt and the blood from your skin. You rubbed yourself raw, as though convinced that by stripping your skin as much as you could, you could strip away the memories. 

You struggle to sleep, and when you do, it’s very light. The slightest sounds wake you. If only Arthur were here, you felt safe with him. However, you doubt he’ll return. Why would he? You don’t know each other, he owes you nothing and you’ve nothing to offer him in return for his services. Still, you count the days until you see him, happy that you can see the sunlight. 

The day after you came back, a young stag started to visit your house. Your home has always been frequented by deer, of course. But none of them ever stay long. The stag, though, seems to like this spot. You’ve caught him napping beneath your bedroom window a few times. He seems to have no fear of you, nor does he seem aggressive. In fact, he seems curious about you, liking to watch you pick through your sister-in-law’s garden, which is beginning to grow wild. The stag is a welcome companion. You know his senses are far more powerful than your own, and if he’s afraid, you should be too. He never gets worried though, until the fourth day. 

You’re out picking some ginseng from the garden when the stag looks up from his grazing and bolts off into the trees. Looking up, you see Arthur walking in on his horse. He waves to you in greeting. A sigh escapes your lips and your stomach unclenches. You’d been afraid it’d been one of the Murfrees coming down the path. 

“Hello, Y/N,” he says, dismounting. 

“H-hello, Arthur,” you say with a croaky voice. You haven’t spoken a word since you last saw him. 

“How are you?” he asks, stopping a few feet away. “Ya look tired.” 

You shrug again. “It’s… it’s been hard to sleep.” He just nods, not expecting you to go into detail as to why. You notice from his eyes that he seems tired himself. 

“I’d… Let me cook something up for you,” you say. “Afraid all I have is the food you left for me. Thank you for that, by the way.” 

“It’s not a problem, ma’am, and you don’t need to do that. By the way, do you know how to feed yourself out here?” 

It’s clear he means hunting, and you shake your head. “I don’t think I can do it. Maybe before all this I could’ve, but now…” 

He nods, understanding what you mean. “Give it time, Y/N. But I brought more food for you. Thought you might need it.” 

You invite him inside, stammering your thanks. Of course, there’s really not anywhere to sit, but you and Arthur do by sitting on the floor, eating out of the cans. You’re both quiet for a time, but then you ask Arthur what his life is like, desperate for a distraction from the hell that is your own life. 

He tells you that he’s an outlaw, that he’s running with a gang. They’ve run into the worst of times, which is what led to him and his friend Charles to Beaver Hollow where they found you. He finishes by saying they’re all holed up there now and they’ve cleaned it up. 

“You’re not afraid of the Murfrees coming back?” you ask, your eyes wide. 

He chuckles. “Trust me, they’d be damn stupid to do that. With how my gang is right now, they’re nastier than those Murfrees.” 

“I don’t believe that for a second, Mr. Morgan. You… you don’t kidnap and butcher people,” you say slowly, still getting used to talking again. 

“No, but we’re all turnin’ on each other like a pack of wild, starvin’ dogs. The gang leader, Dutch… he’s… gone crazy or somethin’. His girl came back, drunk and mad, sayin’ she betrayed us. Our matriarch, Susan, shot her dead. I wanted to spare Dutch’s girl, but they killed her anyways. I honestly have my doubts that she betrayed us. Think she was just heartbroken, woulda said anythin’ to hurt Dutch like he hurt her.”

You don’t really know anything about what he’s saying, but it sounds like his gang’s in trouble. You swear you recognize the name Dutch though. 

“What… what is Dutch’s last name?” you ask. 

“Van der Linde. Why?” 

Your eyes widen again and you stare at Arthur with a new sense of recognition. “You’re with Dutch’s boys? The gang of murderers, train robbers and bandits?” 

He sighs and just nods. 

“I read about the Blackwater heist, the Valentine massacre. Were… were you involved with those?” 

“Not the Blackwater heist. But I helped shoot up Valentine, Rhodes, Saint Denis. I’m afraid I ain’t the hero you believe I am.” 

Even though you know you should be appalled and disgusted with the man sitting beside you, you don’t. Instead, you put your hand on his knee. “You saved my life, Mr. Morgan. You killed those bad people, brought me home. Not only that, you’re here now to make sure I’m okay. You can’t be all bad.” 

“But I ain’t all good neither, Y/N. Trust me, I killed just as many folks as those bastards who put you in this situation.” 

You pause and withdraw your hand. “Did you like it? Killing those people?” 

He sighs. “No. I ain’t never liked it. But I had to with most of ‘em.” 

“Then you’re not as bad as those Murfree bastards. They… they liked it.” For the first time since you returned, you willingly delve into those memories, trying to get Arthur to see your point. “They said they’d do horrible things to me, Arthur. And I believed every single one of them because I watched them do those things to my family. My brother and his family weren’t good people, but they didn’t deserve what happened. Forgive me, but I don’t see you skinning a man and laughing as he screams. I can’t imagine you raping a girl as young as my niece. I can’t believe you’d mutilate a woman and put her body on a pike for display.” 

He swallows. “No. No I’d never do that.” 

“Then you ain’t a bad man, not like them. You… saved me and you don’t even know me.” 

He looks at you and pats you on the knee. “I’d save you again, miss. Listen, even though things are bad with my gang and I got a lotta work to do, I… I’m hopin’ you’ll be a’right if I stay here every few days?” 

You smile for the first time and squeeze his hand. “Nothing would make me happier, Mr. Morgan.” 

****************************************

As Arthur promised, every few days he returns to your cabin and usually stays for a day or two. He sleeps out in his own tent during the night, resting in a new bedroll since you still have his old one. You offered it back but he told you to keep it. 

After his third visit, he brought tools he bought from Valentine and started making you furniture. You had no means to get it yourself, and you were incredibly embarrassed that he’d do such labors as that, but you were grateful. He made a table first and then a chair to go with the single one you had. 

Every time he comes, he brings food and often leaves you with some money. You ask him to keep it, of course, as you haven’t gotten the courage to go to town. However he ignores your pleas and does it anyways, stating you need it more than he does. 

Along with this, he decided to teach you how to shoot a gun, stating it’s useful knowledge in case the Murfrees do track you down. You don’t like it much at first as the bang always makes you jump. When you grow used to it, it gets easier. Arthur ends up leaving a carbine repeater with you so you can have some form of protection when he’s gone. 

When Arthur isn’t here, the young stag always returns. You find great comfort in the deer’s company, almost like he’s watching over you when Arthur can’t. He always leaves when Arthur visits, but within hours of his departure, the stag comes back every time. 

As the weeks go by, your memories slowly begin to grow less harsh and you start recalling them less. You still don’t trust strangers and any sight of one from the trail sends you running into your cabin. The threat of the Murfrees still hangs heavy over your head. The nightmares started some time ago and you still aren’t able to sleep very well. You notice you sleep best on the nights when Arthur’s visiting. 

You look out your kitchen window and see him coming down the trail now, making your heart lift. Opening the window, you call out to him and he waves, a big grin on his face. As he dismounts his horse, he looks over at you. 

“What you cookin’?” he asks. 

“Just some turkey. I shot one earlier.” 

“Did ya?” he says, pride in his voice. He tried getting you to eat some eat a couple weeks back but with no success. However, even you can’t deny how much weight you’ve lost since the cave. Even though you’re eating enough beans, vegetables and fruits, it’s obvious you need to eat some meat to keep going. 

He walks into the cabin, sniffing appreciatively. You can’t help but blush. The more you two have gotten to know each other, the more you’ve grown to like him. Not only that, you’re quickly developing a crush on him. You have an idea that he might like you too. After all, why else would he keep visiting you like this? 

Just as you’re setting dinner down on the table, the cabin is suddenly illuminated by and quickly followed by a huge bang, causing you to jump out of your skin. 

“Easy, easy,” Arthur says, his hand planting on the small of your back. “It’s just lightning and thunder.” 

You blush at his touch and nod. He goes over to the window and looks up at the sky. “Hmm. Looks like a pretty good storm.” 

You pause. You’ve no bed to offer him, but you don’t want him sleeping out in the rain either. 

“You can, um, take my bed if you want,” you offer. “You’re the guest, after all.” 

“No, miss, I’d never kick ya out of your own bed.” 

You think to offer him sleeping with you in the bed but you quickly dash away that thought. No way would he go for it and you doubt you’d be comfortable with that. 

However, as the night sets further in, the storm grows stronger. The lightning and thunder last for a long time, even to the point where you’re huddled in bed and shivering. You’ve never been a huge fan of thunder during the night, but after the Murfrees it’s even worse. 

After a while of heart-wrenching fear of the storm, you get out of bed and look out in the kitchen, where Arthur’s laid his bedroll out on the floor. 

“Arthur?” you whisper. 

He grunts over the howling wind, letting you know he’s awake. 

“Arthur, will… will you come be with me? I can’t sleep over this.” 

He sits up and nods. Before he stands, you go back to your bed and huddle against the wall, still cold. He comes in, his eyes glancing at the lit lantern on your bedside table. You never sleep without it anymore. Silently, he crawls into bed and lies down on his back. At first, you give him his space, but the lightning and thunder persist. This sends you to pack yourself against him, your head buried into his shirt. He doesn’t seem to mind though, in fact his arm wraps protectively around you. 

After this night, things noticeably change between the two of you. Arthur’s much more likely to touch you and he spends most nights in your bed. Despite everything you saw happen to your sister-in-law and niece in the cave, it doesn’t take long before you end up having sex with Arthur. It had been in the morning and he’d been spooning you. You’d shuffled your hips a little and felt his morning wood. Being already attracted to him, you couldn’t control yourself and one thing led to another. He was the first person you’d slept with too, but he was gentle and did his best to make sure you felt good. 

You were honestly surprised with yourself about sleeping with him. You hadn’t even kissed and yet there you were with him between your legs. However, you wouldn’t deny that it felt right. After the deed was done, the two of you talked for a while about what would happen between the two of you. Both of you admitted your feelings for one another. It was the best thing to have happened to you since Arthur saved your life. All the walls came tumbling down. He told you the details about his gang and how bad things had become. You told him about your past too, the abuses you suffered at the hands of your brother and his family, which explained why you weren’t devastated by their deaths, though disturbed by them. 

Since that morning, sex between the two of you has become a fairly regular thing. Arthur’s careful, not wanting another situation like Eliza and Isaac. Your feelings have quickly spiraled out of control. You wish he was around all the time but understand when he has to leave to try and help what remains of his gang. 

Arthur says he loves you, but it’s not until one night that he discovers he’s never loved anyone more. The two of you had just finished fooling around and he’d collapsed on top of you. Things had been so hard in the gang lately, he and Charles had aided Eagle Flies, the Wapiti chief’s son escape prison, and Dutch had found out. He’d been irate when he discovered Arthur was helping the Wapiti behind his back. Things had hit an all time low, so being with you was the greatest form of relief for him. However, as he settled on top of you, you held his head to your chest and stroked his hair. 

Never before had you lay with him like this. From the beginning, it was him who held you, him who brushed your hair, him who comforted you in the night. But here you were, with his head on your shoulder, whispering in his ear that things would be better. No woman in his past ever did this, and he knew he’d like nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with you. 

****************************************

Arthur rides down towards your little cabin with the heaviest of hearts. The betrayal crushes down on him, and the pain of everything sags his shoulders down. When he sees you out in the garden, looking so beautiful as you sing to yourself with the sun glowing on your hair, he feels like crying, knowing you’ll accept him with open arms. 

When you spot him, you break out with your big smile. The one he loves so much. When he embraces you, burying his face into your hair, you know something real bad has happened. You ask and he tells you how the Wapiti attacked the oil fields in retaliation to all the horrible things the army and Cornwall have done to them. He tells you how Dutch used the Indians to get rich, how he himself had been knocked down and nearly killed. Dutch had a chance to save him but abandoned him. 

“He was like my father,” he sniffs into your hair. “Him and Hosea, they raised me. But now I see I’ve never been anything other than a means to an end for him. I’m expendable. All those goddamn years. Wasted.” 

“What will you do?” you ask softly when he composes himself. 

He leans up, his hands still on your waist. “I ain’t goin’ back. I’m done breakin’ my back for that fool. If… If you’ll have me, I’d like to stay here with you. Try for a… a new life.” 

You smile and brush his cheek with your hand. “Nothing would make me happier, Arthur.”

The kiss that follows is one you’ll never forget. 

[fandom-collective-writers]

Nobunaga x MC “The Cost of War

Author: @toloveawarlord

Thank you @mineko811 for the request!

Night had fallen hours ago, yet Nobunaga still hadn’t returned to our chamber. The waiting had me nervously pacing back and forth across the room, wringing my hands together. The war had come to an end, with the Oda Clan reigning victorious once again. There had been a celebration the night previous, with wine and delicious food for all the troops. He had smiled as he always had, giving speeches of praise and words of thanks. We had retired here at a very early hours of the morning, finding a forgotten comfort in each other’s arms that had been lost in the year long war that kept him away and extremely busy.

 By the time I had woken up, he had already begun his work for the day, studiously sitting at his desk and reading over the reports that had been delivered by Hideyoshi. His expression was drawn, eyes scanning the documents. Only speaking a brief good morning, I had my own work to attend to as Chatelaine. There were a number of new items to be taken care of now that the war had ended.

 By the time the work was finished, the sun had sunk below the horizon, coloring the sky brilliant colors of orange and red. A harsh reminder of the blood shed during the war. I had stood there by the gates for far too long, until Hideyoshi called out to me to come to the dining hall. The warlords had gathered for a meeting, but Nobunaga was absent. Their conversation fell on deaf ears as unease began to crawl over my body.

Having hardly eaten a bite, I excused myself abruptly, leaving the warlord silenced by my sudden need to leave. They must have known my feelings, as there was none of the usual banter that occurred concerning me and their lord. Maybe they knew something that I did not.

Time passed slowly, each moment I spent pacing around the room etched into my body. Where could he have gone? Why would he be gone for so long? My feet ached from the rapid repetition of my steps without any rest. This makes little sense. His disappearance should have set Hideyoshi into a panic, yet he seemed so calm at dinner.

Oh, no. That isn’t right.

It dawned on me that everyone had been calm, quiet even. Only minor conversations about their day and the reports on the injured soldiers from the war had been discussed. There had been no jests coming from Masamune. Mitsuhide hadn’t made one attempt to rile up Hideyoshi. Ieyasu had made no snide remarks. Even Mitsunari had been silent, his typical sunny disposition erased from his features. No one had been their usual selves.

Turning my heel to cross the room again, my eyes landed on the desk. The candle still alight from when I had returned hours ago. It wasn’t right of me to look through official documents, but maybe… they could give insight as to where he had disappeared to. I sank to my knees, my hand hovering over the parchment. There had to be at least twenty sheets splayed out, all adorned with a list of names from the very top to the very bottom.

Sifting through them, it took some time for my head to wrap around what I was looking at. Each one had an area listed at the corner and a page number just below. Finding the first page was hard, but at the top of it, there was one word that sent a chill through my body. Deceased. This was a list of all the soldiers who had died during the war.  

All morning he had been compiling this, naming each soldier who gave his life for his dream to be realized.

Then I knew.

Sneaking out of the castle at this hour would be easy, as the patrols would be thin. Nobunaga had forbidden me from leaving the castle grounds at night without an escort during the long battle. He wanted to give his enemies little opportunities to use me against him. The threat was gone for now, but the soldiers would still impede my mission.

Not many knew how to get to this place, as it was well hidden and the path was one that had been long forgotten by the townspeople. I had come on more than one occasion with Nobunaga to escape the eyes of the castle. It was clear to me that he would be there, alone.

My breaths were heavy by the time the large oak tree came into view atop the large hill. Scanning the dark area, at the base of tree, Nobunaga sat resting his back against the trunk. His features were lit with the white moonlight shining down upon him. From where I stood, he looked surreal, like a painting.

“You came,” Nobunaga’s voice floated on the wind.

I fell to my knees beside him, thanking the gods that nothing had happened to him. My thoughts had been plagued with fear that there might have been some injury no one had told me about. “I was so worried—” The smile that had begun to grow on my lips fell as swiftly as a sword.

His strong façade had broken before I had even arrived, explaining immediately why he had left the castle for so long. The hardened warlord that could strike down any enemy and smile in the face of danger had shattered into the man before me. The light illuminated the tears that fell in streaks down his cheeks, dripping onto his clothes. “You must think me weak for this,” he strained to speak the words.

This was an effect of the hard-fought battle. Since coming to this era, the hardships had become more prominent with each passing year. There were enemies all around us, as the Oda Clan continued to press for complete control of the country. War was inevitable, and it would likely be years to come before the peace Nobunaga strived for was achieved. This was my first experience, and it had been hard for me to cope with it.

But I cannot imagine the pain he must feel for his soldiers, his people, who die for him.

“Don’t say that, like you’re not supposed to feel and grieve for your men,” I replied, reaching out to take his hand in mine. He had to be the hardened warlord that would give and do anything in his power to make a peaceful country for his people.  

Nobunaga let his eyes slide closed, barely holding in the overflow of emotions he felt. His chest rose and fell heavy against his will, desperately trying to retain his composure. “Weeping for the dead won’t bring any solace,” he said, as if trying to convince himself of those words. His free hand squeezed into a fist.

“You don’t have to hide those feelings from me, Nobunaga,” I whispered, placing a gentle hand on his cheek. “Those soldiers died in service to their lord, and it would bring them great pride to know that their lord lived and grieves their loss. It gives meaning to their sacrifice. Even if it’s only to me, allow yourself this. Please.” The wind drifted around us, rustling the leaves softly.

Nobunaga pulled me into his arms, his strong arms locking my body against his. His face nuzzled against my neck. A soft cry of pain escaped his lips, and he clung onto me as his composure crumbled around us. The tears he spilled in this private moment were both in sadness and in gratefulness to his men who gave him the gift of his ultimate goal becoming one step closer.

 I slid my hand up into the hair at the nape of his neck, holding back my own tears. It broke my heart to know that he had been holding back all these emotions for so long. This went much further back than this war. How many times had he come here to mourn his losses, without a soul knowing? How many years had he spent thinking himself weak for it? I resolved myself to be more observant of this. He was a caring man, who loved his country and his people, so much that he fought battle after battle in order to make this home peaceful and united.

To do that, he had to make hard decisions. He had to be resolved and unwavering in his convictions and he was responsible for the lives of his soldiers, as he had asked them to lay down their lives for the cause. His enemies called him The Devil King, a name that he lived up to. But underneath it was the gentle man who strived to make each day a little better for his people.

As we sat under the tree, finding strength in each other’s embrace, I could only think of one thing. The war had been over. It had been won. He and the other warlords would be praised for their valor and their leadership. The castle would return to it’s lively hum of every day life. But Nobunaga held this burden on himself

The real cost of war.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was a lot of fun to write. Exploring the other sides of this warlord was an experience! Thank you again for the request!

[thesealskin]

It was the summer of '93, though it being Tasmania, it felt more like Autumn, the first time they kissed. Well, it wasn't the first time they'd put their lips together, but it was the first time that the action had been one of love, and not so they could pass a breath back and forth to each other under water in the middle of the Tasman sea so they wouldn't drown.

God, that had been a terrifying moment. Guy still remembers Cecil's long, gnarled fingers gripping his forearms like a lifeline, like Guy would've been swept away if he loosened his grip in the slightest, and chances are, the way the waves were batting them around, he would have.

That was two years ago, though. No longer were they running through a storage facility in Mornington Peninsula on the mainland with three teenage girls and a Spirit of Tasmania employee, trying to uncover a story about a missing seal skin that kept getting weirder and weirder. Now, Guy sat next to Cecil on the old, rotting pier that sat over the beach they first found the selkie. God, it still felt so jarring that all of this was real, all that shit about mythical creatures hidden below waters of behind trees was real, or at least some of it was.

Cecil sat beside him, a bright blue Zooper Dooper he had bought him from the milk bar in his hand. It was half melted, and Cecil was sucking on the opening of the packet, drinking the melted syrup inside. Emma had taught him about doing that, saying it tasted better that way. Whether that was true or not, Cecil now refused to eat the icy treats any other way.

The sun was beginning to get to that point in the sky where it bathes everything in this strong, warm light, making everything look as though it had been touched by King Midas. Cecil looked stunning, the warm sun basking him in a golden light, his dark brown hair practically glowing as the sun caught on it, frizzy chocolate curls, slightly sun bleached, that cascaded down his shoulders, having grown a considerable amount since they'd first met. His skin finally had some colour to it with the light that bounded off if it, a strange sight with how he typically walked around looking like he had just gotten done donating Guy's body weight in blood.

"'ey, wha' colah is m'h tong?"

Guy snapped out of his daze, realising that Cecil was now looking directly at him with a lazy but content look in his eyes, the packet of the Zooper Dooper still in his mouth.

"Huh?"

"A said" Cecil pulled the packet from his mouth, wincing as the sides of the plastic cut into his mouth on its way out "What colour is my tongue?"

"Sorry, between the packet in your mouth and that God awful accent, I couldn't understand a word you were saying. Plus, can't tell you that if you don't show me, idiot." Guy said, a smirk spreading across his face, using his patented tactic of playful bullying to cover over the fact that 10 seconds ago he had spaced out staring at how pretty Cecil looked, he had a big enough head as it currently stood.

Cecil scoffed and rolled his eyes at Guy, turning his body to face him, and leaning back onto his hands, before sticking his tongue out. Guy inspected it for a few seconds before nodding slowly.

"Blue. You look even more like a lizard than usual. You know those ones with the blue tongues? That's what you look like."

"Oh shut up, you fucking tosser."

"I hope you're not using that kind of language around my little sister."

"Oh please, she swears way more than I do."

"Not the swearing, the pommy insult. Seriously, tosser?"

"Fuck off." Cecil groaned, rolling his head back. Guy laughed and pulled his pack of Camels from his shorts pocket, fumbling through his other pocket for his lighter.

"Hey, Guy?"

Guy looked over at Cecil, who was now completely facing him, legs crossed in front of him, no longer dangling over the edge of the jetty, his hands clasped in his lap. He looked nervous.

"Yeah? What's up?" he asked, popping a cigarette between his lips and lighting it, using his hand to shelter the flame from the winds.

"Do you remember, when we were on that ferry to the mainland...? And we were standing on the deck, and you were apologising to me a-"

"Is this about me apologising about the whole 'fag' thing? Because-"

"No! Well, kind of...? I just... Remember when you apologised... And you... You told me that... That you were scared... You were going to tell me you that you like something, and then your sister ran up to us with her friends, and you stopped...?"

Shit. Guy hoped he had forgotten that conversation, that when he said they'd put a pin in the discussion for when they were alone again, he didn't totally mean it. The moment they were having had been so nice, he didn't want to ruin this nice little thing they had going between them.

"Listen, I-"

"Do you like men?"

He froze up, the cigarette fell from his lips, burning as the tip of it hit his calf, causing him to wince in pain as he battered his half smoked cigarette off of his lap and onto the space next to him. He slowly turned his body to face Cecil completely.

"Cecil..."

"I'm not going to judge you if you do. I know what you said about humans being shit with that whole thing, but I'm not human, and I don't care, I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, that you don't have to be afraid..."

Guy's brain clouded over the rest of what was being said as Cecil rattled on his little acceptance speech. All he could focus on in his head was that night on the ferry, when Cecil had listened to him apologise as sincerely as he could, Cecil's large hands, kind of disproportionate to the rest of him, resting gently on his biceps with a look of patience on his sharp features, his wide mouth set into a soft, understanding smile. The harsh lights of the empty dock blacked out the half of his face that faced the sea, the rough sea winds battering his curls around his head. Guy had rested his hand next to Cecil's face, tucking a lock of hair that was flying around his face behind his ear, not missing how Cecil's breath caught. He knew then. He had known when they sat in that fishing shed together, listening to old records together and passing a joint back and forth while bundled up in itchy blankets in an attempt to stay warm.

Cecil was still talking when Guy leaned forwards, but whatever he was saying died off into confused stutters as Guy took his face in his hands, surging forwards and pressing his lips to Cecil's. It wasn't like the last time their mouths were pushed together, where all Guy could taste was fish and salt as they struggled to keep passing that breath between the two of them, their hearts pounding loudly in their ears as they both clung desperately to each other. This time, it was soft and slow, with the taste of the Zooper Dooper settling in his mouth, a strange taste when combined with the cigarette Guy had been smoking not long beforehand. Cecil was frozen on the spot for a second, before he felt him relax and reach his hands up to keep Guy's hands in place, kissing back gently.

In that moment, Guy felt nothing but love. No panic, just pure love, flooding his body and forcing itself into every single crevice inside of him. Cecil felt so soft under his hands, just like how he felt on the deck when Guy tucked his hair behind his ear.

Remembering that they're in public, remembering that homosexuality was still illegal in Tasmania and that anyone could spot them and completely ruin them both, he quickly pulled away, looking around them to make sure there wasn't anyone who had seen them or could hear them. The only people who were currently around was the woman walking her dog on the other side of the beach, walking in the other direction from them. Even if she had seen, maybe she'd think Cecil was a girl from the distance, with how long his hair is. He turned his head to look at Cecil, who sat there, blushing and stammering, his sharp brown eyes now wide and doe-like.

"I like you... That's what I wanted to tell you on the boat... I like you, and I was scared... I was scared... I'm sorry..."

Cecil's face instantly softened, a smile stretching across his face, as he reached over to move his hand through Guy's crewcut, as if to tuck the barely there spikey hairs behind his ear somehow. His hand lingered on the side of his face, and Guy leaned into it, smiling back at him, feeling safe with that smile shining at him.

"I like you too. Are you still scared?"

Guy thought for a moment, before he finally decided on a response.

"Yes, but not with you."

[thefandomlesbian]

Do u take requests for oneshots? If so, can I ask for a shaudrey smut one? Or a bananun tlag universe smut?

I was planning on writing both, but I already have one TLaG smut piece posted (read it here), and there’s smut in TLaG chapters 44 (here), 45, and 47 (not yet posted. I also have another prompt for TLaG smut in my inbox which will be written/posted soon. There isn’t going to be a shortage of TLaG smut available when I finally work through the prompts and bring the story up to date, and I don’t want to exhaust them since I am writing a sequel. However, if there’s something more specific you’d like to see from TLaG universe, let me know, and I’ll see what I can do. For that reason, I decided to go with Shaudrey smut alone, especially because I haven’t written much with them. 

As usual, read on AO3 for best experience! 

...

“Wake up, say good morning to

That sleepy person lying next to you.

If there's no one there, then there's no one there.

But at least the war is over.” -Stars, “In Our Bedroom After the War”

...

The flickering fluorescent lights of the police station illuminated the interrogation room in a crepuscular-type shadow. Blood dribbled out of Audrey’s mouth as she leaned forward. “May we leave now, Officer?” Her voice cracked. It was the voice of a broken woman. She hung her head where she sat beside Shelby. “We’ve told you everything we know. We just--” Beside her, Shelby hiccuped through another dry, heaving sob. The police had taken them into custody after the hospital released them. “I just want to go home, now.”

The officer’s dark eyes darted across the table to Shelby. “We have reviewed the footage taken from inside the Roanoke house, Mrs. Miller--”

“Miss.” Shelby had never looked so gray, but she corrected him nonetheless. The surface of her eyes shimmered. She did not shed another tear. She had cried enough to dehydrate herself. “It’s Miss Miller.”

He cleared his throat and shuffled the papers in front of him. “Of course. Miss Miller. We have decided, in light of the footage we recovered, to make no arrests at this time.” A shiver passed through Shelby’s body. Audrey touched her shoulder. Shelby shrugged her off. “However, I advise you to stay close by and contact a lawyer. I feel it would be wise for you to be prepared for the worst case scenario. You may need to appear before a grand jury to decide if you ought to be indicted.”

Audrey stiffened in her chair. “You can’t be serious!” Her rank, greasy clothing hung from her body with its gross bloodstains and oil marks. “As much as we’ve been through--you’re trying to decide if Shelby committed a crime?” Shelby’s blue eyes averted, clinging to the stark, gray tile floor. She didn’t move in response to Audrey’s outburst. She hadn’t moved much since the police had recovered her from the scene. Maybe holding still made her feel closer to death, closer to Matt. I wish I were closer to Rory. Audrey’s throat closed up. She had swallowed so much blood that her stomach ached. “Do you even hear yourself? What else does the footage show? Our friends--our husbands being haplessly tortured and murdered! While no one checked on us! No one even bothered to notice that all of us were dying!”

“Audrey,” Shelby whispered, placating her, and Audrey gave an infuriated huff.

The police officer blinked as he struggled to maintain his composure. “Be that as it may, Miss Tindall--”

“Mrs. Tindall,” she corrected icily.

He bit back a sigh. “I extend my sympathies to both of you, and it is my hope that we will not be forced to press charges against anyone. As far as I’m concerned, the guilty people are no longer with us.” Audrey sat up a little taller, assured with herself, but the officer held up a hand. “However, Mrs. Tindall, it is not my decision to make. And until I have explicit instructions to arrest one of you…” As he said this, he looked at Shelby again, and Audrey knew he had seen the footage of Shelby killing Matt. “…you’re both free to go. I’ll be in touch, ladies.”

The cool air of mid-October stung on Audrey’s exposed arms as she stepped out of the police station. She folded her arms across her chest. Her blouse was torn in places. The inside of her mouth tasted sour. The empty place where she had once had a tooth ached and tasted badly. The hospital had packed the bleeding area of her gum with cotton, but she had pushed it out with her tongue by accident, and now it tasted like the smell of a menstrual pad that had been worn overnight. Beside her, in the low evening light, Shelby hovered, her eyes downcast. Audrey scanned her once. “I called an Uber.” Blue eyes darted to her in the moonlight. Shelby’s haggard face regarded her with wary surprise. “Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?”

The question begged an answer from Shelby--a verbal answer, more than the single quipped words she had provided since she emerged from hell in one piece. Her lips parted, but her voice didn’t come out. Audrey waited. “I…” She had a strong, low voice, something Audrey had struggled to replicate when performing, but now, she sounded so utterly defeated. The unyielding glint of steel in her eyes had died. “My mother is coming from Los Angeles to get me.” She lifted her gaze to the sky. All of the stars reflected in her eyes. The moonlight shone on her face and glimmered through her pale, tangled, greasy hair. “She’ll be here in a few days. She didn’t want to fly, in case someone recognizes me on the plane…”

She didn’t look at Audrey, but Audrey couldn’t take her eyes off of her. “What about tonight?” Audrey asked again.

The night breeze ruffled their tattered clothing. Shelby crossed her arms. Goosebumps appeared all over her limbs. “I don’t know,” she whispered. Audrey tiptoed nearer to her, placing a tender hand on her bicep. Shelby flinched, but she didn’t shake her off. “I… I suppose I’ll go get my car, and… and go somewhere.”

All of the hair on the back of Audrey’s neck stood up. She knew Shelby had parked her car somewhere near the house. Audrey didn’t want her to go back, ever. “I have a hotel.” The moonstruck eyes moved from the immensity of the universe to Audrey’s face. “You can stay with me until your mother comes… I hardly have anywhere else to go.” It was the hotel room she had rented with Rory. They had reserved it for the days when they would be at the house so they had somewhere to leave their belongings--after all, neither of them were hurting for money. Audrey touched her throat with a few absent fingers. “I imagine it will be a few days before I can arrange a flight home.”

Audrey had a lot of wealth and a lot of power, but even she couldn’t alter flight schedules. She was trapped here a few nights more. Shelby looked back at the sidewalk, shuffling her feet through the cigarette butts there on the cracked pavement. She gave a broken nod. “That… That would be nice. Thank you.” Audrey wrapped her hand around the inside of Shelby’s wrist. Shelby flinched. All of the muscles in her forearm tensed. Through her thin, pale skin, the wrist bones shifted, and the muscles pulled taut, and in a tight voice, Shelby said, “Please, don’t.” She pulled away. A harsh breath hitched in her throat. “Please. I don’t… I can’t have that right now.”

Can’t have what? Audrey pursed her lips at Shelby’s confusing behavior. I want a hug. She wanted, wanted so desperately, to grab onto Shelby and hold her and never let go--Shelby had been there. Shelby knew. Shelby understood. But, withdrawing her hand, she nodded. “Alright. I’m sorry.” The side of Shelby’s face intrigued her, mostly because Shelby wouldn’t look at her in the eyes. “You’re quiet.” Shelby shrugged, gazing down at the cigarette butts. She twisted the toes of her shoes over one of the dark clots of ashes. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Shelby shook her head. Audrey didn’t know what else she had expected. Shelby had always been private; the lifestyle of the limelight had not appealed to her, how everyone invaded her personal life, and Audrey didn’t hope for her to change now, even when Matt was gone. But the cold breeze caused her to shiver. I wish I had a coat to give her. Something about watching Shelby stand there, formerly so proud and now so defeated, broke a part inside of Audrey. She wouldn’t admit it, but she felt she knew Shelby on some special level from the months she had spent acting as her. Watching Shelby, the woman whose mind she had tried to enter, hang her head in defeat made Audrey hang her head, as well.

The Uber parked beside them on the sidewalk. “Are you Audrey?” The man behind the wheel spat his tobacco into a cup. “Hop on in. What kind of music you want? You want some candy? Some bottled water?”

Before, Audrey always accepted whatever they offered, but today, she shook her head. “No, thank you.” She knew the dangers of the world, now. “C’mon, Shelby.”

The ride was silent save for the radio. Audrey didn’t recognize any of the songs. Shelby stared out the window. The streetlights illuminated her face and her ragged hair. Shadows passed through it like a sheer curtain. Audrey wanted to touch it, but she restrained herself. Still, she couldn’t pull her gaze off of Shelby’s ethereal face cast in the silver glow of the navy night. They had survived. But her eyes are so dead, Audrey thought despondently. She put her hand in the middle of the seat between them, giving a silent prayer that Shelby would take it. She needed human touch.

The last person who had touched her willingly was Rory. Audrey closed her eyes and turned her face away. Her body couldn’t decide between ripping every last essence of him from her skin or clinging to every mark he had left on her life. She didn’t know if she wanted to strip him away from her to avoid the pain or remember every joy he had brought her, however brief, however fleeting, in the few months they had been married. The ring on her left hand was heavy. With her hand in her lap, she reached with her thumb and spun the ring around on her digit. The skin there was still freshly sore from the new jewelry. She hadn’t yet acquired a permanent mark on her skin where it had been discolored. What would be left when she took off the ring? How would anyone look at her and know? Did she want them to know? Did she want to know? Or did she want to forget? Forgetting wouldn’t hurt so much. Forgetting him, the sound of his laugh, the dimples of his smile, the way his large hands made her body feel so small and young again…

Audrey was old, she knew, by a lot of people’s standards. But she was still far too young to be a widow--especially when she had never expected to be a widow at all.

“What are you going to do?” she had asked him once. “What are you going to do when I’m old and bedridden and you’re still a spry gentleman in your sixties? What are you going to do when I’m gray and frail and you’ve got bachelorettes half your age hurling themselves at you? What are you going to do when your colleagues are astute men bringing their fine wives bouquets to the Academy Awards and you’re alone because your date is six feet under the dirt, an ocean away?”

Rory’s smile reflected the sunlight. The California sun was Rory in some way. He drank in the rays of light and reflected them even more brightly. Audrey wished she could turn his smile into a solar battery--surely it could power the whole world. His messy auburn hair stuck up in all directions. She reached to smooth a lock of it down, but he took her hand and kissed the back of it. “I’m going to be beside you,” he assured her, “until I can’t be beside you anymore. And then I’ll wait to meet you again. Because I believe in any universe, we are meant to be together. And I believe in any world, I’ll find you again.” He held her hand to his face. The skin of his cheeks was smooth, stripped of any beard stubble, and she marveled at the childishness inside of his eyes. “I want you to be my wife, Audrey. People don’t have expiration dates. And neither does my love for you.”

A soft hand brushed up against the back of hers. Audrey jumped out of her reverie with a yelp. The back of Shelby’s hand rested against hers. Shelby regarded her with her pale eyes glowing silver under the city lights. She didn’t ask any questions, nor did she reach to take Audrey’s hand. She merely looked at her with wide eyes and rosy lips parted in concern. Audrey nodded to her. She didn’t have the words, but she didn’t need them right now. Shelby didn’t need any words. Is this where she’s been all night? Thinking about Matt? Audrey found that hard to believe. Matt had cheated on her. He didn’t deserve her. I would never do something like that to her. The thought pattern didn’t strike her as odd as it crossed her mind.

Shelby was a good person, a good wife. Parts of her had irritated Audrey, where she defended herself sleeping with Dominic or delivered the old line, “It’s never too late for love,” which Audrey had heard enough times to chafe her ossicles. But she hadn’t deserved this. Neither of them had deserved this. No one had deserved it. And yet, here we all are.

The face of the hotel brought her some comfort. “Thank you,” Audrey said to the driver as she slid out of the vehicle after Shelby. The steps loomed above them. She led the way inside. Shelby stuck close to her side, eyes averted but clinging to her presence like she feared the night wind would separate them from one another. Audrey took the stairs to her room and unlocked it with a swipe of her keycard.

The door swung open. There was a single bed, sloppily made. Rory’s coat was draped over one of the pillows; he had realized on the way to the studio that he had forgotten it, but they were running late, so he had chosen to leave it behind. Audrey closed her eyes. I wish he had taken it. I wish I had lost it with the rest of him. Shelby tiptoed around her. Her hand brushed against Audrey’s clothing and jostled them.

Shelby moved around the room. Audrey could hear her every movement. She dropped things, packed things away, zipped up bags, adjusted things, opened doors, closed them. “It’s okay now.” She had moved everything. His shoes, his coat, his open suitcase, his antiperspirant, his shampoo, his razor, his toothbrush--everything. Audrey’s chin trembled. I have to go through everything. Shelby approached her again. Her blue eyes carried so many emotions. Audrey closed her eyes again to avoid seeing them. She didn’t want to feel things right now. She didn’t want to have any responsibilities right now. “We don’t need anything tonight. We can start again tomorrow.”

Tomorrow. She would wake up tomorrow, and she would know a new world wherein Rory did not exist. The words didn’t sound optimistic from Shelby. As she blinked up into Shelby’s eyes, she found nothing but despair there--the thought of a tomorrow without her forever traumatized her just as much as Audrey. “I don’t want a tomorrow without him.”

She didn’t know why she wasn’t crying. Her eyes burned with tears. But she had shed too many for one night. “Neither do I.” Shelby stared down at the carpet. “But I don’t think we were given a choice.”

Audrey grabbed her hand. This time, Shelby didn’t pull away. She tensed, but then she forced herself to ease; Audrey watched the process on her face. I shouldn’t force her. She couldn’t bring herself to let go. “Do you want to shower first?” Pale eyes flickered to her face. Shelby shook her head. She nodded in the direction of the bathroom, inviting Audrey to go ahead. “I don’t want to be alone right now.” When she was naked the last time, she had been with Rory. Rory always made her feel beautiful. She couldn’t bear the thought of seeing herself in the mirror again without him.

She didn’t think she could be alone without hearing the voices of the Polk family in her mind. If in solitude, the shower water would become Rory’s blood dripping from the trees, from his disemboweled corpse, all over her face. She shuddered at the thought. Shelby placed a hand on her shoulder. “Together?”

It was a bare whisper, a suggestion, a question. Audrey almost didn’t understand it. But her head bobbed in agreement.

The bathroom light had a dimmer. Shelby put it on its lowest setting--just light enough for them to see more than total blackness in the room, just enough to make out the little bottles of shampoo and the tiny bars of soap. Audrey turned her back as she stripped her mangled clothes off of her body and dropped them into a heap on the floor. She had no intention of having them washed. She would throw them away. Her blouse had bloodstains. Her slacks were torn. The underwire of her bra had begun to pop out. Her underwear smelled like she hadn’t changed them in days--she hadn’t.

“Will you help me?” Audrey turned at the abrupt sound of Shelby’s voice. One hand reached the buckle of her bra in back, but her injured shoulder, the wound which the hospital had cleaned and bandaged, refused to bend for her to unfasten it. Her hand pawed at her lower back to no avail. Her fingers danced along the brown moles and freckles on her skin there. I never would have thought she had moles. Shelby’s fingernails scraped against them in absent patterns as she fumbled. The clasp was out of reach, no matter how she tried to bend. She hissed through her teeth in pain. “Please?”

The second word knocked Audrey awake from her dreamland, admiring all of Shelby’s exposed skin. “Yes, yes, of course.” She unclasped the bra from the catch. It fell from Shelby’s shoulders. The inexplicable urge rose within Audrey to rise to her tiptoes and peek over her shoulder to look at her breasts like a curious child. Instead, she focused on the bandaged wound. Shelby picked at the tape and removed it. “Are you sure you should remove that?”

“I shouldn’t get the dressing wet. I can replace it once it’s dry.”

“Did they tell you it was okay to shower?”

“I smell like garbage. I’m not going to not shower.”

Audrey didn’t have an argument for that. They were both covered in dirt and blood and sweat and death--she swore the stench of death still clung to both of them, to their clothing, to their hair, to their breath, like it would crawl out from their armpits or thigh brows and attempt to strangle them once again. Death had reached for them more times than she cared to consider. Death had reached out its greedy arms. Somehow, she and Shelby had escaped by folding up themselves small and quiet in the back corner of the room of life, and the straining fingers had missed them.  As they clung to the walls in hiding, their cowardice spared them. Rory had not been so lucky. Rory had always been too brazen for his own good.

Steam filled the room when she pulled the nozzle for the shower head. Audrey tugged the curtain back and averted her eyes as she waited for Shelby to step under the hot water. Shelby covered her chest with her arms. She stood in the corner of the shower, the water only landing in her hair and rolling down the rest of her body. The urge to look rose within Audrey, but she smothered it and kept her back facing Shelby, as well, mere inches away from one another but minds world apart. Shelby’s body so near to hers stirred a foreign emotion in the pit of her gut which made her feel queasy. She glanced over her shoulder.

Smattered freckles warmed her heart and drew her attention. Her eyes slid lower to the round cups of her ass. Like a child with poor impulse control, she wanted to swat Shelby’s butt. But then she watched how Shelby struggled to reach her hair. “Let me.” She had worked the shampoo into her greasy locks, but she couldn’t manage all the way to the roots and the tips with her injured shoulder.

“You don’t have to. My hair is gross.”

“Nonsense.” I have an excuse to touch you. Audrey squirted more of the tiny shampoo bottle contents in her hand and lathered it up into the white foam through Shelby’s pale locks. At the roots of her hair, she scraped her fingernails against her scalp. A tick clung to her. Ew. Audrey plucked it off between her fingernails and tossed it down the drain. I bet I’ve got some, too. She had spent more time in the woods than Shelby, after all. Gross. She peeled Shelby’s locks apart, checking her for more bugs, but she found nothing. For good measure, she scrubbed her scalp with her nails.

To her surprise, Shelby lifted up her head into the scratching. “Thank you…” A soft sigh fluttered from between her lips. “That feels nice.” A drowned spider washed out from between her strands of hair. Audrey said nothing. Before, she would have screamed--undoubtedly, if she had ever washed a bug out of Rory’s hair, he would have had to coax her back into sharing a bed with him again. She might have seen it as grounds for a divorce. I’m in love with you, but I can’t take bugs, she would have said. But now, she had seen much worse than a spider in someone’s hair.

The thick suds washed out of Shelby’s hair all gray and discolored, leaving her hair a brighter shade, carrying a cleaner scent. Audrey took a step back. To her surprise, Shelby bumped her to turn around. “Let me.”

“You’ve only one arm.”

“You’ve got short hair. How many arms do I need?”

Her American accent was so cute. Audrey didn’t have the heart to laugh, but a tiny, inauthentic smile broke her expression. She bowed her head into Shelby’s light touch. The soap raked through her hair as Shelby worked it into her hair and her scalp. Something pinched the top of her head. “You’ve got ticks--they’re all over. Hold still.” Oh, great. She should have anticipated her evening foraying out in the woods like some kind of mountain man would leave her bug-ridden. Shelby carefully parted her hair. She stood on her tiptoes to get a clear view of the top of Audrey’s scalp. She pinched another tick off by its head. It tugged Audrey’s hair. “Lean back for me.”

The task had occupied Shelby’s problem-solving mind. Audrey tilted her head back. Shelby plucked another insect from the hollow at the bottom of her skull. As she stood on her tiptoes, pressing nearer to see behind Audrey’s ears and on the flat top of her head, her breasts touched Audrey’s back. Her teeth sank into the tip of her tongue to keep her from hitching a breath. “Sorry,” Shelby said as Audrey hissed in pain at the sharp pulling on her hair. “That one was hanging on. Will you lift up your arms? They’re all over your back.”

Reluctantly, Audrey lifted her arms. “I found one on you, too.” Shelby pinched another one off of her shoulder blade and then from the small of her back and then her armpit and her side and her hip. Shelby’s tender fingertips rested on the top of her buttock as she plucked another tick off of her. Must I? She spun at Shelby’s instruction, eyes closed to keep the shampoo from running into them--the bugs had distracted Shelby from her task of washing Audrey’s hair. Audrey rinsed the soap suds from her hair and blew her wet bangs out of her eyes. She opened her eyes, intent on telling Shelby to spin as some petty form of revenge. But Shelby pressed one hand to Audrey’s abdomen.

The hand landed just below her left breast, framing it and her bottom ribs as she intently leaned down with both eyes on Audrey’s tummy. This time, Audrey couldn’t prevent the taut breath from tightening in her chest. Shelby’s fingers flicked up the butt of a tick attached beneath the xiphoid process of her sternum. Audrey held her breath. Shelby had bent over. Her round rump protruded with the cellulite jiggling with every slight shift she made. The ridges of her spine were visible, not quite protruding but not covered, either. One of Audrey’s hands brushed across the planes of Shelby’s shoulders. Pale eyes darted up at her from below, peering at her face between her breasts. Audrey blushed and averted her eyes and removed her hand, ashamed of her actions. With a quick snatch, the tick fell to the floor and went down the drain with its friends, leaving only a red mark behind in its wake.

Shelby stood. Her back popped audibly. Audrey was afraid to move her eyes from the tile floor. “Will you check me?” She couldn’t keep herself from sweeping her eyes over Shelby’s exposed body, the pudge to her belly, the stretch marks on her sides and on her breasts, the way her nipples swooped out to the side and protruded with tiny rosebud tips and areolas slightly larger than fifty pence pieces. Audrey bobbed her head. Her voice still wouldn’t come.

Holding her arms above her head, Shelby spun. Audrey stopped her to grab a tick on the underside of her bicep. A surprising tuft of cream-colored hair coiled around her fingers as she threw away the six-legged parasites. Audrey said nothing--the amount of hair on Shelby’s body was absolutely none of her business, no matter how much her initial inclinations told her to pass judgment--but Shelby explained anyway, pink tinting her cheeks, “When Matt stopped caring, so did I… It’s not very natural, anyway.”

“Waxing doesn’t fit in with your kale smoothie lifestyle? Who would’ve dreamt.” Audrey dropped to her knees when she spotted a cluster of ticks below Shelby’s navel. The thick bush of hair was slicked down to her pubic mound, out of the way. “Hold still.” The pudge of Shelby’s belly twitched as she pinched the first of the ticks between her thumb and forefinger. “You’ve got them colonizing your tummy down here.”

Her eyes kept darting down to the thick, wiry hair inches away from her chin. How long had it been since she last let herself grow? Only a few months--she remembered it well, noticing the spiky gray hairs in her pubic hair like barbed wire guarding her vagina and warding off any potential pleasure-bringers. In shame, she had taken her razor and chiseled away until her vulva was as bare as a child’s. When Rory undressed her next, he frowned. “What happened to my landing strip?” he whined. “How am I supposed to know which house is mine without a welcome mat?”

She laughed. “It was time for a change.” Rory hadn’t pressed her anymore than that. He loved her in whatever body she gave him, but she did make every effort to give him a young body like his own. She never told him the truth. Now, she wished she would have.

“Audrey?” Brown eyes raised to Shelby’s face from below. The ticks were gone. “You’ve been staring into my bellybutton like a kaleidoscope.” Audrey’s knees hurt. Mumbling an apology, she rose unsteadily and braced herself against the wall as she loosened up her stiff legs. There were no more ticks on Shelby’s body, she found when she scanned her, and they both faced the wall again and washed their bodies in relative silence with washcloths.

After the silence stretched on for eons, Shelby asked, “What do you feel?”

The cold wall pressed to Audrey’s forehead. “Empty. Numb.” Shelby didn’t reply immediately. Audrey looked at her back. “What about you?”

“The same, I think.”

“You think?”

“I don’t know how I feel.”

“Me, neither.”

Their bruised and battered bodies eased under the hot water until it ran out, and then they dressed in the robes Audrey had brought with her and left the bathroom. “You can use my toothbrush,” Audrey offered, even though the suggestion made her feel a little nauseous. “I’ll use Rory’s.” I’ll never taste the inside of his mouth again.

Shelby shook her head. “I’ll buy one tomorrow.” Tugging back the covers, her brow quirked as she stared down at the mattress. “Ew--Audrey! No offense, but that’s disgusting.”

Audrey approached from across the room with a bag of mixed nuts and dried fruit. “What?” she asked, her brow quirked.

“I’m not touching it.”

In the middle of the bed rested a crumpled up, used condom. Audrey’s irritation at Shelby faded, replaced with embarrassment. She cleared her throat. “You’re right. That’s minging.” She picked up the condom, pinching it awkwardly between her thumb and forefinger and trying not to think too much about its weight or its contents. Had some of Rory’s sperm outlived him? He would make a horrid joke about it, if he were here now. Her appetite suddenly didn’t accommodate the nuts and berries anymore. She dropped the condom into the trashcan and got two bottles of water. “You can have the other side of the bed.”

Shelby plopped onto the bed with a quiet sigh. Audrey followed her and offered the high brow trail mix and the Fiji water. Shelby took the water. “No, thanks. I’m not hungry.” She cleared her throat as she cracked the bottled water open and took a few deep swallows.

The room grew silent save for the sound of Audrey chomping on the trail mix, which she didn’t really want. Her stomach hurt. She worried she would be sick if she kept eating. But she knew she would be sick if she didn’t eat, too. She held the bag open to Shelby. “Take a handful. You’ll be sick tomorrow if you don’t. We haven’t eaten in days.”

Following instructions, Shelby did take a handful. The silence was uncomfortable. “I thought you guys would’ve been past the point of using condoms.” Audrey almost choked. A raisin sputtered out of her open mouth. “No, I don’t mean--sorry. Sorry. I just needed to have something to say.”

“I--I don’t--What is that even supposed to mean?” Shelby looked at Audrey as she picked through the dried cranberries. “Do you prefer sex unprotected? Not knowing where the knob has been before it goes in you? Or peeing on a stick in a panic in a few weeks?”

Covering her mouth with her hand, Shelby shook her head. “Didn’t you get tested before you tied the knot?”

“Well, of course.”

“So?”

“So?” Audrey repeated. “Did you miss the part about peeing on a stick? I abhor children.”

Shrugging, Shelby sheepishly averted her eyes. She took another handful of trail mix. “I assume you’re not exactly high risk, though, being… past your peak.”

“Excuse me?” Audrey had spent the evening wishing Shelby would say more, but now that Shelby had found her voice again, she remembered how infuriating she was. Even a few nights of watching all of their friends and family die in violent horrible ways could not curb Shelby’s tendency to say the absolute worst things possible. Shelby held up her hands in surrender, but she dropped nuts and berries all over the bed, and then she scrambled to pick them up and shove them into her mouth. Beginning to eat had awakened her appetite. “How old do you think I am?”

Sticking another almond in her mouth, Shelby’s pale eyes held hers. “Is it okay if I don’t answer that question?” Audrey’s eyes flashed with anger and hurt at Shelby’s assumptions and dismissals thrown around like tear gas at a riot. Shelby swallowed hard. “I don’t know… forty-five?” Audrey looked away. “Is that wrong?”

“I’m forty-three.”

“Oh, you’re right. I was way off. Those two years are absolutely the difference between being middle-aged and being geriatric.” Audrey looked away. “Hey… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of that. It wasn’t very nice.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

Audrey would never have admitted it, but she was glad they were talking about something. She was glad they had moved on from their ceaseless, silent grief. As long as they were talking, even if they were bickering, even if they hated each other, they weren’t thinking. They weren’t stewing in their silence. Shelby raised her eyebrows. “Alright, then. How old do you think I am?”

Considering for a moment, Audrey finally landed on the roundest number that occurred to her. “Twenty-five.”

Shelby choked. She started laughing. It was a shrill, hysterical sort of laugh that came from days of going without sleep. “I’m flattered. You’re so kind.”

“Twenty-six?” Audrey tried again, but Shelby’s giggling didn’t quiet. She threw her head back into the awful pillows which provided no neck support. “Tell me!” Shelby shook her head. She reached for another handful of the trail mix. Audrey wrapped up the bag and pulled it off of her hand. “Tell me, or no more food.”

Obstinate, Shelby shook her head. “No, I’m not telling you!” She rolled over and grabbed at the bag of trail mix. “I’m a mystery to you!”Audrey held the bag out of reach. “Give it to me!” Shelby’s straining for the bag sent her crawling over Audrey’s body. Her hands served as pinching crab claws. Audrey’s arm stretched to its maximum, but Shelby still clambered after the food. The side of the bed left her teetering. She began to slide.

Audrey dropped the bag. Both of her hands caught Shelby around the waist and dragged her back onto the bed. Shelby flopped on top of her with her lost balance. All of the air whooshed out of her lungs. The shaking of laughter through Shelby’s chest rattled into her own, but gradually, it slowed, until the ragged sounds she produced were a mix of heaving and sobbing. Audrey’s arms wrapped around Shelby. The sheer nightgowns barred little of their bodies from one another. Shelby’s raw bawls of grief buried into Audrey’s chest. Her wet hair dragged across Audrey’s face and left streaks there. The streaks disguised her tears. Shelby’s good arm strung around Audrey’s neck. The other pressed to her chest beside her own cheek.

Eventually, her breath leveled from uneven gasps to the regular, silent sighs. Shelby lingered there with her cheek on Audrey’s chest. “I’m thirty-four.”

Audrey’s hand dragged through Shelby’s wet, tangled hair. The bag of trail mix was discarded on the floor. “Do you really think I’m past my prime?”

Round blue eyes met Audrey’s, filled with exhaustion and grief. “No…” She shook her head. “No, I don’t… I’m sorry I was so mean to you.” Audrey scratched her scalp like she had before, and Shelby closed her eyes, relishing in the touch like a cat rubbing its face into its owner’s palm. “I was jealous of you…”

This surprised Audrey. “You were?”

“Mhm.” She looked back at Audrey, and then her eyes became distant in memory. “When the show first aired, and Matt and I were fighting… We were fighting all the time.” She shook her head as if in pain. A glossy layer of tears appeared on her eyes. “We didn’t have sex for weeks--months. We watched the show together, and after the scene with you, with Dominic… That did it for him. We had sex that night.” Audrey cupped her face in her hand. Shelby kept talking. “That was the last time. I kept finding him--masturbating--” Her voice cracked. “But he wouldn’t let me touch him anymore. I went with Dominic, I thought, maybe, if I could make Matt jealous--but he didn’t even care enough to be jealous, Audrey, it was so horrible.”

No more tears fell. Audrey wished Shelby would cry so she could wipe away her tears, but nothing fell from her eyes at all. She caressed Shelby’s head, hoping to soothe her. The show had brought Audrey her happiness, however brief she had known it. The show--and its preceding events--had ripped everything from Shelby. “I would have done anything for him. He was the only man I ever loved. I just--” A fragmented cry emerged from her. “I was so angry, I didn’t know what I was doing because everything hurt so much… But if I had been thinking, I would have killed myself instead of him.”

The tender hand pawed over Shelby’s face. “Shelby, don’t say that.”

She shook her head. “It’s true. He could’ve been happy without me. I can never be happy without him. I couldn’t live knowing what he did to me--I should have killed myself--”

Audrey lifted her up by the shoulders. Shelby’s distraught blue eyes met hers, shimmering but shedding no tears. Audrey traced the underside of her jaw with her index finger. “I never would have done something like that to you.” She lifted Shelby’s chin with her finger. “You didn’t deserve that. What he did was wrong. Maybe he didn’t deserve to die for it. But he didn’t deserve happiness, either. Not when he treated you like that.”

The arm around Audrey’s neck tightened, pulling Shelby closer, as she kissed her. Shelby’s lips were moist and chapped. She tasted like soot and ash. She tasted like death. Audrey tilted her head back into Shelby’s kiss. Her mouth opened. Shelby’s warm tongue slithered inside with their noses bumping.

Audrey sucked on her tongue. Shelby pulled away. Their foreheads bumped against one another’s. “You’re so beautiful, Audrey,” Shelby breathed to her. “You’re so beautiful…” Her wet hair hung in rank, heavy curtains between them. “Let me show you.”

Sweeping a lock of hair behind her ear, Audrey nibbled on her lower lip. “You’re tired. You’re hurt. You don’t want this.” Shelby lunged to kiss her again. She relaxed into the kiss, but then she broke it. “I don’t want to do anything we might regret in the morning, love.”

A quiet chuckle left Shelby’s lips. “I regret my whole life up until this point.” She cupped Audrey’s face between her palms. “If I regret you, it will be among the smallest of mistakes I ever made. So much that I think making the mistake is worth the pleasure I’ll derive from it.”

“Is that so?” Audrey pushed herself up onto her elbows and kissed her again. “Keep your weight off your arm.” She kissed the junction between Shelby’s neck and shoulder and lifted the nightgown off of her body. It fell into the floor with the bag of trail mix. Now, she had no shame in studying Shelby’s gorgeous naked body. It crossed her mind for only a moment, wondering what Rory would think of her, having sex with someone else in the last place they had made love. She needs me. I need her. Rory will forgive me. Shelby sank into the pillows. Audrey rolled on top of her and sank her teeth into her collarbone.

As her teeth bit into Shelby’s sensitive skin and began to suck, she tossed her head back with a quiet moan. “God, it’s been months--” Shelby spread her legs wantonly across the bed. Audrey’s hands covered her breasts. Her thumbs stimulated the erect nipples, tracing the little bumps around the areolas and the crevices appearing within the rosebud nubs. “Yes! Do that!”

Audrey chuckled. “Shush! We’re in a hotel! People can hear you!”

“I don’t care what people hear!” Then, Shelby raised her voice. “My name’s Shelby Miller, and I’m about to have lesbian sex with the actress Aud--” Audrey lunged up and covered her mouth with her hand, shushing her with her eyes flashing. “What is it, fancy pants? You don’t want anyone to know you’re here?” Shelby framed Audrey’s face in her hands. “We’ve got nothing left to lose, darling… Nothing but each other.”

She’s right. Audrey had her career, but she doubted she’d have an easy time finding roles after this week--and any interviews would undoubtedly surround the nights she had spent suffering at Return to Roanoke. Shelby kissed her again, and she rolled her over. “Let me start… You look like you’ve never touched a woman before in your life.” She grabbed the nightgown by its lower hem, and then she tossed it aside. Peppered kisses smattered all over Audrey’s neck and shoulders. Shelby attacked her chest with passion and heat. She framed her breasts between her hands. Her moist lips wrapped around the erect brown nipples. Audrey panted with desire. A flame ignited in the pit of her stomach and crawled downward, and as it did, the backs of her eyes stung with tears.

Shelby nibbled on her breasts. The tip of her tongue stimulated her nipples, but her teeth grazed the tender skin there and suckled until she left small, mouth-shaped bruises all over. The tiny red marks where she had found ticks vanished beneath her tongue. Sensation crackled through Audrey’s body. Whatever she felt, it wasn’t numbness, not anymore. Shelby’s weak hand slid down her abdomen, over her navel, toward her stubble-covered pubic mound. Her strong hand teased the breast opposite the one she had closed her teeth around. She dipped her mouth below the nipple on Audrey’s right breast and sucked on the fatty flesh where the breast rose up from her rib cage. Her tongue darted out to explore the junction there, the crease where her breasts sagged without support.

Audrey’s hands curled into Shelby’s wet hair. “Shelby,” she whispered. “I--I didn’t shave. Maybe we shouldn’t…” She wiggled with aroused discomfort. But what if Shelby was disgusted by her? Her insecurities burbled to the top.

The nose brushing down her midline paused. “I don’t mind,” Shelby said quietly. “I haven’t shaved in months… I’m practically a blonde monkey compared to you.” She planted a tender kiss above Audrey’s navel. “Don’t be insecure… I think you’re beautiful.” She nuzzled into the hand in her hair, kissing the palm of her hand. “Definitely the prettiest actor I’ve ever gotten in bed. You blow Dominic all the way out of the theater.”

The joke mitigated her worries, and she relaxed into the pillows with a quiet, nervous giggle. Shelby peppered little pecks down from her belly button to the crease where her pubic stubble began. She sucked on the brow of delicate, intimate fat above her hip bone. Then, she hooked her fingers into her panties and discarded them. Audrey quivered. Shelby’s hands were softer than anyone else’s. Shelby nudged her legs apart. Face flaming with shame, Audrey hiked her legs up and spread them. Shelby planted a hand on each of her inner thighs. She dragged her wet lips and her nose from the thigh brow down to her knee and back up again. “You smell really good.”

Her words sent a hiccup of anxious desire through Audrey. She arched her back off of the bed before Shelby even touched her. “Ah… Go--Go ahead,” she said, uncertain if Shelby needed reassurance before she began. A faint kiss pressed to the top of her labia where they split. “Oh!” The pressure on her enlarged clitoris made her jump with pleasure. “That--That feels good…”  

Shelby smiled into her vulva. With one hand, she split Audrey’s outer labia between her fingers. Then, her tongue flicked out of her mouth. Starting at the vestibule of her vagina, she licked upward, dragging some of Audrey’s flavored wetness with her. “Mm…” Shelby purred against her soft flesh. The tip of her tongue found the crus of Audrey’s clitoris and followed it from the right side up toward the bulb. But, as Audrey tensed in anticipation, Shelby skipped the most delicate part. Audrey tossed her head back and whined aloud. She scratched Shelby’s scalp with her fingernails, hoping to encourage her. “Mm…” She trailed back down the other side of her clitoris, dodging the sensitive bulb and hood without another thought.

“Please, Shelby…” Audrey’s hips twitched upward. Her mortified face flamed with shame. The prickly stubble all over her lower lips scratched at Shelby’s face, but the other woman didn’t breathe the first word of a complaint. The tongue between her legs danced in circles around the nub of her clitoris. No matter how she wriggled, Shelby effectively dodged the most sensitive point on her body. “Oh, please!”

A single digit rounded the outside of her vagina. “Oh--” Audrey choked on her words at the sensation. The fingertip probed right outside the entrance to her body. “Oh, heavens…” She cleared her throat. “Ah--yes!” The single word provided confirmation to Shelby. The finger slithered into Audrey’s wet vagina. “Oh, god, that’s nice!” The muscles in her abdomen clenched. She puffed out a long breath to relax them. “That’s nice. Really nice.” She shivered with need. “Shelby… please, touch me!”

The finger curled inside of her and massaged the delicate, spongy place there. “Oh!” Audrey’s eyes rolled back. “Oh, my lord, I’ve never--” Nothing had ever touched her there before, not quite like Shelby just had. Her immense pleasure quivered in her clitoris. “Shelby, I’m begging you!”

Tongue traveling upward, Shelby placed the flat of it on top of her clitoris. “Oh!” Audrey’s lower lip trembled. Tears built behind her eyes. The tense physical feelings within her mixed with her burbling unresolved emotions. Salty drops slid paths down her face. “Oh--” Her throat closed up, choking out the sound. “Shelby,” she whispered. Taking deep breaths became difficult. Shelby lifted her face from her vulva. “Don’t stop!” Audrey’s voice quivered in distress. “Please, don’t stop!”

Shelby hesitated, but then she obeyed, pressing her mouth back against Audrey’s vulva. She moved faster, this time using the tip of her tongue. She ground her lower jaw against her clitoris. A long moan released from Audrey’s lungs, broken by hiccups of despair. Something larger pushed into her vagina--another finger. With an unfamiliar rhythm, Shelby massaged the patch of nerves inside her body. “Ngh! Oh--” The fire of arousal coursed all through her lower body as the waves rose and fell, threatening to overtake her at any moment. “Shelby, I think--I think I’m gonna--” The flame built inside of her. Shelby tindered the fire, and Audrey was the fodder. “Oh, heavens!”

The tight mouth slurped on her clitoris. Audrey felt herself tightening. Squeezing her eyes shut, she released herself. Sparks exploded behind her eyes. Her toes curled into the sheets. Her fingers curled into Shelby’s hair. She thrust her breasts into the air. Tingles waved through her lower body. “Oh, fuck! Oh, Shelby!”

Her vagina clenched a final time around Shelby’s fingers. She shuddered into loosening herself up. Cheeks wet with tears, Audrey peered down at her. Shelby opened her mouth and stuck one of the fingers inside, sucking it clean. At the sight, Audrey’s nipples hardened. She pushed herself up. Shelby offered her other protruding finger. Gross. She opened her mouth to receive it.

Whatever she had expected her lubricant to taste like, this wasn’t it. Audrey wrapped her hand around Shelby’s wrist and licked it until she had swallowed all traces of herself. Her body still quivered with distress. Shelby leaned forward and pecked the tears from her cheeks. “Are you okay?” Shelby whispered to the auricle of her ear. She caressed Audrey’s cheek, wiping away the wet streaks with her thumbs. Audrey nodded. “Are you sure?”

Audrey bobbed her head and swallowed hard. “Show me what to do.” She flipped them over and hooked her fingers into Shelby’s panties, tugging them down and off of her ass. Shelby lifted her hips to help her wiggle them off. They landed in the heap of clothing and trail mix on the floor. “Show me.”

Stacking the pillows behind her, Shelby spread her legs wide apart. Her thick, fuzzy mound of hair had curls pointing in all directions. “Do what you like… I’ll tell you if I don’t want it.” Audrey lowered her face to Shelby’s breasts and nibbled on top of one. What I like. She liked the idea of suckling on Shelby’s beautiful breasts until she forgot her own name and only remembered the taste of her skin. She liked the pale flesh and how easily she could mark it with bruises--she did. She sank her teeth into the top of the breast and sucked on it, bit it, until she drew back and the dark red marks didn’t fade. “Ah!” Shelby gasped the soft sound. “I like that. Do it again.”

The request rested easily for Audrey. She repeated the bite on Shelby’s other breast. This time, she sucked longer and harder. Her mouth closed around Shelby’s nipple, but she didn’t bite it. She softened her mouth, there, using the tip of her tongue to flick across the pink bud. “Mm,” she hummed against Shelby’s body. Her hand dipped lower, between Shelby’s legs. She grazed her fingers through her thick pubic hair. The curls were somehow both coarse and soft, wiry in how they wrapped around her fingers and dragged her down into the depths of Shelby’s body.

Sliding lower, Shelby gasped and moaned whenever she felt something she liked; she had few reservations. Fuzzy legs brushed up against Audrey’s bare body as they hooked around her before she hiked them apart again. “God, Audrey, hurry up!” Audrey chuckled right into Shelby’s navel. Shelby had rushed through nothing with her, and she intended to return the favor. She licked across the trail of hair from Shelby’s belly button going downward.

The heady aroma of woman rose to her from below, but it wasn’t bad. She planted her hands on Shelby’s thighs and got her first taste with no hesitation. With her mouth open, she flicked the tip of her tongue across Shelby’s clitoris. It twitched back against her muscle. “Ah! Audrey!” Fluid dribbled out of Shelby’s body. Audrey pushed her middle and ring finger into her. “Oh, shit, that’s good!” Shelby shuddered and quivered against her. Her thighs framed Audrey’s face. Every twitch of her muscles bled through into Audrey’s cheeks. Her coiled, tense muscles encouraged her.

Exploring Shelby’s vulva was a new craft for her. Audrey pushed her fingers into her partner and withdrew them and pushed them in again, curling them forward with each insertion. At the first touch, she struggled to find the exact location, but she knew it when she found it; Shelby cried out, and her nipples pebbled and stood erect, and she bucked her hips, and her vagina clenched tight around her fingers. She stroked the delicate place with the skin like a walnut shell.

Audrey closed her eyes and relished in the velvety, smooth sensation of a woman’s insides. She stroked the walls deep inside of her, soaking in the squishy feeling of all of Shelby’s lubrication. She dipped her face downward and licked the inner labia. Shelby shuddered. “God, please, Audrey--touch me.” Her hands reached down and grabbed her thighs, dragging them apart, widening the gap. “Please! I’m begging you, I need it!”

Smirking into her vulva, Audrey repeated the motion Shelby had done to her--following the crus of her clitoris while dodging the erect pearl nestled in her deepest places. She quivered. Shelby threw her head back, crying out in frustration. Her vagina squeezed around Audrey’s fingers, as if she thought she could get some stimulus from drawing the fingers deeper into her body. The tip of her tongue circled her clitoris without touching it.

The first touch relieved Shelby in the form of a loose gasping sound. She arched her chest upward, her hips grinding against Audrey’s mouth. “Yes! Yes! Oh, like that--I’m so wet, I’m so close!” Audrey flicked once with the tip of her tongue. Shelby almost howled in frustration. Audrey flicked again. She shivered. Her hips bucked upward, unable to hold themselves still. “God, Audrey, you’re torturing me!” Not torture. Far from torture. Shelby whined and whimpered. Her pathetic noises tingled between Audrey’s legs.

After one more flick left Shelby outraged and near tears, Audrey pressed the flat of her tongue against her partner’s clitoris and ground it with her lower jaw, slurping at her clitoris. The few loose contractions of Shelby’s vagina tightened abruptly. “Oh, yes, I’m coming!” The announcement surely could have been heard in the next room over. Audrey prayed there weren’t any children there. “I’m cuh--I’m coming! Oh!” The long moan accompanied the rapid clenches of Shelby’s vagina. Contractions rushed through her muscular walls.

As her clitoris stopped twitching and her vagina loosened, Audrey pulled herself free and wiped her hand off on the bedsheets. Shelby lay on her back, gazing at the ceiling and panting. Sweat rolled off of her body. She winced as a few beads of sweat trickled into her shoulder wound. “You think we ought to bandage it again?” Audrey asked, glancing at it in detail for the first time. Shelby shook her head. “Does it hurt?”

“I’m fine,” Shelby reassured. She took Audrey by her wrist and tugged her down beside her. “Lie with me. I need you.” Tears stung in Audrey’s eyes again. She unscrewed the cap to her water bottle and took a long drink. Then, she pressed it to Shelby’s lips. Shelby took a few deep swallows as Audrey held it, keeping it from drowning her. Audrey pulled back. Shelby’s unsteady breaths leveled out. She put her head in Audrey’s lap. Audrey dragged her fingers through Shelby’s long hair. “I’ll miss you,” she said in a croak. “When I leave. When you leave.”

Audrey’s hand tightened. She closed her eyes. Tears slid down her face, and she prayed to whatever higher power was out there that Shelby didn’t see them. “I know. You’re the only one who understands.” Shelby nuzzled into her hand. “But… we have to go somewhere. We can’t stay here… This is no place for us, either of us.”

“I’m going to Los Angeles. Hollywood. You could come. My mom, she would let you… She probably wouldn’t stop asking you about all your movies, though.”

A dry chuckle left Audrey’s lips. She wiped away her tears with the back of her hand and glanced down to Shelby in her lap, whose eyes had closed. “That’s sweet.” Imagine the scandal, she thought. The public had gone wild enough when Shelby and Dominic had had their affair. What would they think if she and Shelby went public? What would they think if the tapes went public showing Shelby killing Matt? Who cares what the public thinks? “We can think about all that stuff tomorrow, love.” She shifted Shelby’s head out of her lap and lay down beside her, spreading out the pillows so they could lie on one another’s arms.

“Audrey?” Shelby’s peeped voice drew her out of her reverie. “I know I’m really tired right now, and my body hurts like a bitch, and I’m not exactly in my right mind, but…” She drifted off for a moment. Audrey nudged her pointedly in an invitation. “In the morning, if you decide it’s best for us to part ways, will you let me down easily? I don’t think I can take more heartbreak in this life.”

Parting ways? It sounded so painful. “I don’t want to leave you, love.” Shelby pursed her lips into a pout. “But I promise. Tomorrow, or any other time in the future… If something calls me away from you, I’ll do everything I can to treat you gently, as long as you do the same for me.”

Shelby nodded. “Of course, Audrey.” She kissed her on the mouth. “It would be silly to wish you sweet dreams, wouldn’t it?”

“Yes… But sweet dreams, sweetheart.”

“Sweet dreams.”

They lingered there in the dim light, afraid to turn off the lamp, afraid to look away from one another’s eyes, afraid of what they would see in the shadows.

[stevesharrlngtons]

hey.

steve harrington x reader

summary: he was such a staple piece in your life, that as a child and young teen, you never saw your life without him. late night promises and pinky swears were made in blanket forts that you two would be friends until the day the sun burned out in the sky. it was just a given that’d he be there, that you never worried about the two of you drifting apart or being separated. he promised he’d always be there, and you had believed him. you now corrected yourself, foolishly believed him.

word count: 5.4k

a/n: holy shit? chapter nine! 38,000 words later and it’s done!!! this is such a sentimental piece for me. i started working on this in november, right after st2 was released, and was just writing it for myself to read. but as time went on, i was four chapters in and decided i wanted to share it with other people. posting your writing online is terrifying, even if you do it all the time. so posting this, which i consider my baby in a way, was super scary. but i’m really happy i did. i’m glad that the few people i reached with story, really really enjoyed it. everytime i get a message saying that someone loves this story it always brightens my mood. for those of you who have been there from the beginning or just found this story, thank you for all your love and support! i love you all.  i know i mainly write for billy now, but thank you for sticking around anyway! hopefully i can get some inspo for more steve in the future. my love for him and joe is not gone, so here’s hoping!  and if you are still here, thank you for your patience while i took the time to write this, i hope it is enjoyable and worth the wait. 

here is chapter nine, please let me know what you think! and thank you for letting me share this story with you!

chapter i / ii / iii / iv / v / vi / vii / viii / 

                                                   chapter xi

The next morning you woke to your pillowcase cemented to your cheek from died spit, and a splitting headache. Remnants of last night were coming to you in bits and pieces but nothing too concrete.

Shit. Concrete.

The pain from your skinned knees started to become prominent, and your eyes felt red and puffy. Fragments of conversations came and went in your head. You vaguely remembered a fight with Derek, then Jonathan tucking you in, but everything else was a blur. You glanced towards your alarm clock, the red numbers brighter than usual, reading 11:46 AM. You sighed and placed your head back on your pillow in a huff. As you did, you started to feel all the old makeup, sweat and blood that caked your skin. As much as you just wanted to lay in bed all day waiting for the screwdriver in your head to dislodge itself, a shower was definitely needed.

Peeling yourself up from your sheets, you trudged your fatigued legs towards the bathroom, and once you were inside, the mirror above the sink was anything but forgiving. Black smudges painted your face, forgotten tear tracks in their wake. Your hair was knotted and matted, and your eyes were bloodshot to hell.

Rolling your eyes and shrugging, you discarded your wrinkled clothes, got into the shower and turned the water on to a blistering heat. Standing under the stream, you ran your hands slowly over your face, breathing in the already accumulating steam. The water soothed your tense muscles and eased your headache, and you were starting to feel human again. But as you calmed, more memories came up. Derek’s harsh words, calling Jonathan, making up with Jonathan, telling him you were in love with Steve, weeping after Jonathan left your room. You tried to push the thoughts to the side, they were causing your stomach to ache and your head spin. Right now, you needed to focus on shedding the layer of grime you had accumulated over the past twenty-four hours.

When you were sufficiently clean, you turned off the faucet and climbed from the bathtub, taking the two towels from under the sink and wrapped one around your hair and the other around your torso. At your vanity, you wiped away some steam that clung to the mirror with your hand, revealing a window of your broken, tired self.

Your head was still throbbing and your skin felt like sandpaper, so in the fruitless effort to make yourself feel better, you put on a face mask. Wiping the green goopy substance on your face, you were officially turning into the Hulk for the next fifteen to twenty minutes.

With nothing but your mask and towels, you went downstairs to get a cup of much needed coffee and possibly a slice of toast if your mother had been to the store. Thankfully she had. So, with two pieces of bread in the toaster and coffee brewing, you debated calling Jonathan. Not to harass him to pick you up in the middle of nowhere, but to thank him for the night before. You could be a fun drunk or emotional one, there was no in between. And last night you had definitely been emotional. If anyone was best equipped to take care of you in that state, it was Jonathan. But you would always call the next day with a load of apologies and appreciations and promises of a donut and David Lynch at a later date.

As you buttered your toast, you wondered if donuts and Lynch were enough to mend this wound? Not only yours but Jonathan’s as well. You both had been sucked under the Harrington and Wheeler ray of false feelings, but you always had a thicker skin than him. Maybe not when it came to Steve, but you would still put on your best face when you would inevitably console Jonathan about this situation.

Just as you were crafting the words you were going to say to your best friend, the phone started to ring. Thinking that it was Jonathan with some newly achieved ESP, you paused eating your toast and went to answer the phone.

“Hello?”

“How’s it hanging?” The unexpected voice asked.

“Perry?” You furrowed your brows, surprised he was calling.

“Yeah, you expecting someone else or something?” He chuckled.

“Well, kind of. But this is a happy interference.” He laughed again.

“Dad ran out for the afternoon, so I thought I’d see how things have been.”

You laughed humorlessly under your breath, “Things have been things. How about you?”

“Things have been things?” Perry repeated with skepticism.

“Yeah, things have been things.” You sighed and shook your head.

“Fuck that cryptic shit, how have you really been?” His tone grew serious.

“Just drop it, okay? How are you?” You tried to push past his question.

“I asked for first. Now tell me, (Y/N/N).”

You leaned your head on the wall next to the phone and shut your eyes to have a brief moment of clarity before you told Perry what was happening. You couldn’t lie to him. You had that weird sibling connection that could always detect a lie.

“Remember Steve? Steve Harrington?” You said slowly.

“Yeah, last I heard he was dead to you.”

“Well a lot has happened since then.”

“Like?” Perry asked.

“Like, I sorta, kinda, maybe fell in love with him? And I thought he loved me, which he didn’t and it broke my heart. I don’t know…A lot can happen in a month…” You crinkled your forehead. You hated how naïve and young you sounded.

“How the hell did this happen?” Perry was trying to keep his anger at bay, but it was still peaking through.

“We ran into each other at a party, he had just broken up with his girlfriend and I guess I felt guilt or pity, I’m still not sure... He was sad and even though I hated him, I still cared about him, y’know? So, we ended up spending more time together after that and one thing led to another and I dumbly fell for him. He made it seem like he felt the same way. Trust me on that, he was very forward with saying how much he liked me. But I was scared. Scared because all the asshole men in my life, present company included, have screwed me over.” It was a low blow to Perry, but he knew how much his leaving hurt you. This wasn’t anything new. “So, I told him I needed the weekend to think about if I was really ready to be in a relationship, he was totally against it. Wanting me to stay and telling me all this shit, but I knew I needed some time. I thought about it a lot and talked with mom and realized that I really did want to be with him. When I went to tell him, I caught him with his ex, so…”

Perry was silent on the other end for a long moment.

“Steve Harrington did this? Are you sure?” He asked.

“Why the hell would I lie, Per?” You rolled your eyes.

“That just, I don’t know. It doesn’t sound like him.”

“A lot has changed around here. We aren’t playing superheroes in the backyard and drinking Yoohoo, anymore. It’s been years since you saw him.” You toyed with the telephone chord as you spoke.

“Yeah but he was so into you when we were kids. I always thought something would happen with you guys. I always told him he had my blessing. He seemed really thankful for that.” Perry said nonchalantly.

“This is new fucking news to me.” You said straightening your posture.

“What? He was a nice kid and you two were attached at the hip! I told him when you were like ten that if he ever wanted to be with you, I was okay with it.”

“So, even through all the shit talking I’ve done for the past few years, you always thought that we would end up together?” You scoffed.

“Yeah, I always figured it was just hormones or something.” You could practically hear him shrugging on the other end.

“Hormones? Are you fucking kidding me?” You roared.

“See! Right there! Fucking hormones!” Perry said.

“I’m going to kick your ass, I swear.” You mumbled.

“Try me!” Perry laughed, but stopped when you didn’t join in.

And when you stayed silent on the other end, he knew he needed to step up his big brother duties.

“Whether it sounds like him or not, he’s a piece of shit. He doesn’t deserve you. If I was there I’d beat the shit out of him and revoke my blessing! I would!” This earned a laugh from you and Perry knew he’d done his job.

“If you were here, I might have to take you up on that.” You sadly smiled.

“But I’m not. So what are you going to do, kid?”

“Mope, get over it. Move on.” You sighed.

“Fuck that!” Perry scoffed, “You need to tell that asshole off! Who does he think he is?”

He always knew how to work you up.

“He made you love him twice! Not once, but twice! Fool you once, shame on you, but fool you twice…”

“Shame on him.” You said tightly.

“Exactly. You need to make him feel like shit. You need some good old fashioned revenge.” Perry cursed.

“You know what? You are so right!” You nodded dramatically.

“Steve fucking Harrington doesn’t get to march into people’s lives just to destroy them! I need to tear him a new one!” Perry was putting you over an open flame, and the more he spoke, the more you bubbled over with anger.

“Now there’s the (Y/L/N) in you! Go tell that fucker off!” He cheered.

“I’m gonna!” You raged. “I’m going to go now before all this anger and hype wears off.”

“Yes! Call me when you’re home and describe his tears, okay?”

“Deal.”

-

Hastily, you had ran up the stairs, wiped off your mask and threw on a pair of jeans and a sweater. Your hair was still mostly damp and you looked an absolute hungover mess, but you had just enough momentum and energy to drive over to the Harrington residence. Thank God your mother had left her car this time she had gone out of town, because walking in the freezing weather would have no doubt made you turn back and sulk in your bedroom.

You had a lead foot on the gas pedal as you vibrated with anger. Your music loud enough to cover your insane rambles as you whipped around corners and California breaked at stop sighs. Soon, Steve’s house was coming into view, and your adrenaline was spiking.

The car lurched as you came to a quick stop. You yanked on your emergency break and took the keys from the ignition, the music cutting out and leaving you in a tizzy of silence. Upon exiting the car, your nerves began to set in. The cold attacked your damp hair and sent a chill through your bones. The cloudy Indiana sky was creating a grey mood that made you think that the universe was trying to warn you.

Turn back.

It isn’t worth it!

You don’t want to hurt him, you love him!

And yet, your legs did not stop as you stomped your way through the morning dew on the Harrington’s grass and approached his front steps. The large double doors seemed taunting and terrifying, but you paid no mind to this as you slammed your fist hard on the wood, your other hand relentlessly ringing the doorbell.

The surface for your fist to hit was ripped away so fast, you almost pounded Steve in the chest, but your arm stiffened when you saw him standing in front of you.

You did the best to ignore the flutter of your heart at the sight of his bed head and astonished gaze. This wasn’t the time to falter, this wasn’t the time for weakness.

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here? I was just about to come over and see you.” Steve said in a gentle voice.

This was half true. He had woken up at nine, gotten dressed, driven to your house, had a panic attack when he arrived, then came home and decided he needed more sleep before he confronted you. Even with being up all night trying to craft what he was going to say to you, nothing seemed good enough. Steve had wronged you before, and with you thinking he had again, that was how he was going to have to approach you. And it terrified him. It wasn’t going to be easy.

“I have some things to say to you, Steve Harrington!” You boomed, moving you arms down to your sides stiffly.

“I, um, me too.” Steve said, nodding.

“I want you to know that you are a two timing, pig! Who I hate by the way! You manipulative, piece of shit!” You screamed in his face, pointing an accusatory finger in his face.

Steve just stared at you and said nothing. These words were all expected. He was surprised you hadn’t called him anything much worse.

“You come back into my life and make yourself seem like I’m your savior! You make me let you in, you made forget all the rules I had set up- that you fucking made me set up in the first place! You make me fall in love with you and you fucking make me believe you loved me too! Just to see you feeling up Nancy Wheeler in the school parking lot? You are a Class A asshole, Harrington! I hope you rot!” Steve was sure by the decidable of your voice, that you had drawn attention from all of his neighbors by now.

After your speech, you stood on his doorstep, heaving with an enraged look on your face, your body slightly tilted forward. It must have happened sometime during your heated words and violent hand gestures.

“Can I speak now?” Steve asked calmly.

“No! I don’t- no! You can’t. I’m leaving. I have nothing left to say.” You said, going to turn around.

But ever the rule breaker, Steve spoke, “Nancy and I aren’t together. She saw us the night you left when she was coming to get some of her things. Monday we were just talking… mostly about how much I love you. I told her that we are soulmates and she agreed. We lost track of time and when I realized it, I freaked. She told me to wait for you, but you never showed.”

As Steve explained, he stepped closer to you. You were still fuming, but Steve could see the subtle changes in your face as he spoke. But he knew you wouldn’t let your guard down just yet, and he didn’t expect you too.

“I called your house and your mom cursed me to hell and back. I waited the rest of the day in the parking lot, hoping you would show but you never did. I thought, I don’t know… that you decided you didn’t love me after all. That’s why I stayed away. I thought you were avoiding me because you couldn’t face me after realizing that feelings were only on my end. It wasn’t until Jonathan showed up here last night to scream at me, that I connected all the dots.” He was in front of you now.

The information he was telling you was making your resolve of anger and revenge dissolve. Your mind felt like a static television screen, you couldn’t think or act- just listen.

“But that’s why I didn’t call or come to your window or bang on your door and fight off your mother. Because I couldn’t bear the idea of you telling me to my face you didn’t love me. It happened with Nancy and it broke my heart, but with you,” Steve placed a hand on your frozen cheek, “I would die. The pain would consume me, and I knew I would never be the same again. Because I love you, (Y/N). And you’ve got to believe me when I say that, and that I always have.”

Your jaw was tense as tears brimmed your eyes. You were hesitant and apprehensive to believe the sweet words he was crooning to you. It all seemed a little too good to be true. And you didn’t know what to think in this moment. Expect about how much you wanted everything Steve said to be the honest to God truth.

“How can I know? Because you have to understand my side of this too, Steve. You have to put yourself in my shoes.” You said sadly, a giant contrast from your tone just minutes earlier.

“You’re just going to have to trust me,” Steve’s other hand now made its home on your other cheek, “Trust me when I say that you are the only one for me. From now until forever. We will be the testament that movie love exists, our kids will know true love because we will be the example! And you will be my best friend from now until the end of time, because I will never let you go again, (Y/N) (Y/L/N). I love you. And I know its going to take time for us to rebuild, but it’ll be worth the wait.”

If you thought his words weren’t completely truthful, you knew by his eyes that he was. It was clique, but the eyes were the window to the soul, and Steve’s was screaming at you that this was real.

But that didn’t mean it scared you any less.

“Steve, I,” Your breath hitched.

Both of your eyes were glassy, Steve’s nose was inches from yours as he begged you silently to say everything he had been wanting to hear since childhood. He had just cut himself open to you, bleeding in front of you in the vain of forgiveness. He was in a vulnerable state and he needed your kiss for comfort and reassurance.

“I need a minute…” You gasped quietly, stepping out of Steve’s grip.

Before his hands felt like weights, keeping him grounded to the only thing that mattered to him, but when you stepped back, they fell from your skin like feathers. He felt like he could hear his heart breaking.

“But, I…” Steve choked out.

“So much has changed in just the past ten minutes, let alone the past month! I feel like I have whiplash.” You breathed heavily.

All of this was hard to digest. You had just been on the phone with your brother, plotting the best way to cut off Steve’s balls; but then this happened? Steve’s sincere words and heartfelt glances. It felt like you were spinning.

“I feel like I’m in a Twilight Zone episode or something…” You heaved, placing your hands in your hair, trying to find a way to ground yourself.

“Like, I came over here to tell you to never speak to me again and you just threw a huge wrench into that!” You rambled, Steve’s face was sullen as you did.

“This has to be more than a crazy misunderstanding, right? This has to be a sign or something?” You felt like your air way was going to close off as you spoke manically. You had never been this flustered in your life.

“Why can’t this be the sign? Why can’t Jonathan coming to me last night and you showing up here this morning be the sign? Or who cares if it is or if it isn’t! Because at this point, frankly, I don’t.” Steve said back to you.

“We have been in this round about for years, (Y/N). Getting close to our happily ever after, but always missing the exit. This,” He motioned between you two, “This is the exit. This is the moment where we decided to go out separate ways, or finally just be happy. To be in love with each other.”

You let a shaking breath and stared at the broken boy in front of you. He was right, this was the exit. This was one of the pivotal moments in your life that would set the course for everything. Drive off into the sunset or let your fears and haunted memories send you for the hills.

Steve was offering you a grand gesture, he was saying life is a fact, that people do fall in love. And you knew that was true, but you were still scared. A stupid feeling you were sick of always coming up.

“Steve, I’m such a mess… look at me today! And this past week. I just spiral and I just…” You shook your head as your throat choked up.

You wanted to give him one last out.

“I don’t care, I don’t care! When has it ever seemed like I did? I want you, all of you. I know you, every part, every chapter, every subsection and footnote. I have the PhD in you! I love you, nothing else matters. I know I hurt you. I know Jonathan and Perry and your dad have too. I know they fucked up. I know I did, too. But I am going to work every day for the rest of our lives showing you that I will never hurt you again. I can’t lose you, and I’ll do everything I can to prove that. You just have to let me.”

Steve’s words made your knees weak and your stomach flip. He really did love you. With tears peeking from your eyes and gracing your cheeks so said sweetly, “Really?”

“Yes,” Steve said with a small smile, “Really.”

And you believed him. You believed every word he was saying because your heart wouldn’t let you not. You loved him, and he loved you. You were ready to exit.

You took a stride towards him and slotted your lips with his. It took Steve no time at all to fall into your kiss, his hands flying to your waist as you gripped his neck. He was ready to stop wasting time and to make up for every kiss he was too afraid to give and every chance he had missed. The kiss made you feel electric, the cold fall air no longer affecting you. Steve was enough to keep you warm in this instant, and you guessed, for many times after this one. His lips felt like they were made for yours as you kissed him with passion and meaning. Steve pulled you as close as he could, wanting every section of his body to know you were there, that you were finally his. His heart had mended itself in no time and was working overtime beating out of his chest as he licked your lips and your nails grazed the nape of his neck.

Breaking apart briefly to catch your breath, you laid your forehead against Steve’s. His eyes were still shut as he stroked your sides and grinned wider than you had ever seen. You thought he looked so classically beautiful in this moment and smiled too.

“Steve,” You whispered, unable to hold back you words any longer.

He opened his eyes and separated just enough from you, so he could look you in the eyes.

“I love you, too.” You spoke softly.

You finally had said it. Not to Jonathan, your mother, or your mind. Finally, to the person who desperately needed to hear it. The second you said it, it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulder. One that had settled itself there over years of repression and grief.

“Good.” Steve said, laughing lightly and you joined in.

You rested your forehead to his collarbone and he pulled you flush to his body. Steve couldn’t wipe the smile off his face if he tried, and he knew you couldn’t either. He was about to speak, when he felt something hit his head.

You pulled away and you both looked up and saw rain start to sprinkle down and hit your skin.

“This couldn’t get more cliché.” You shook your head playfully, looking back at Steve who was looking up at the sky with a happy expression.

“I told you,” He said, looking back down at you now as well, “Just like Holly and Paul.”

And as he kissed you again, rain falling all around you, you swore you could hear Moon River ringing in your ears.

It was cliché, perfect, and somehow, just like the movies.

It was all thanks to Steve Harrington.

-

                                                 Six Months Later

You stood outside the banquet hall, cigarette between your fingers as you watched the ash fall to your feet. You were leaning against a brink wall and listening distantly to the muffled pop music that was playing inside.

It was Dustin Henderson’s Bar Mitzvah, and you and Steve had been asked to be in attendance.

You had been his babysitter throughout your high school years, and always had a fondness for the curly headed kid. And when you were both roped into the police station on behalf of a giant monster and an evil lab, it caused you two to grow closer. You cultivated a protective nature over him, and even after his mom decided he was too old to be babysat, you would still drive him anywhere he needed if he called and asked. During some of these drives over the past six months, Steve had tagged along, and Dustin had grown to enjoy his company. Which earned you both not only an invite, but seats at the birthday boy’s table.

The night was a good time. Steve was in a great mood, chatting with Dustin and his friends, and even Nancy and Jonathan a bit- The four of you have reconciled nicely after you and Steve got together. Throughout the night, Steve’s hand was either around the back of your chair, fingers brushing over your bare arm, or planted on your thigh. You loved his soft lovely touches and how he always insisted on giving them to you in public.

After the kiss, that was now known as infamous to you, your mother, Steve, Nancy, Jonathan, and anyone else who desired to hear your story, you and Steve had started dating. Confessions of undying love and eternal happiness weren’t swept under the rug or forgotten after that night. Yet, they were choice reminders of how devoted you were to each other. You couldn’t imagine not being together after something like that.

And things were great, and every possible synonym of the word. It was strange at first, to be so happy with the person you had always wanted, but now it felt like second nature. It didn’t feel weird to plan your future to together or look into housing options for you two when you went off to college. It was an agreed upon thing, both verbally and nonverbally, that neither of you planned on losing the other anytime soon- if ever.

You had found the love of your life, your soulmate. Some people never had a great love, let alone found the person they were supposed to end up with. And you had gotten lucky on both fronts. For some, this all would seem far too soon, the two of you were only eighteen. But the road to you two still felt like an eternity. You both had had enough waiting in that regard, so no moment was gone unappreciated or taken for granted. You were both just excited to have a lifetime of memories to make with each other.

“I wondered where you slinked off, too.” A voice said a little ways away.

“Just needed a minute.” You said holding up the hand with your cigarette in it, turning to watch Steve approach you.

“I would have snuck out here with you, y’know?” He smiled, leaning his shoulder against the brick when he reached you.

“You were chatting, I didn’t want to pull you away.” You replied.

“I missed you,” You smiled and playfully rolled your eyes at his remark, “I did! When you’re not next to me, I feel like half a person.”

“You are so cheesy.” You shook your head, your grin widening.

“Yeah, but you love it.” Steve smirked, shrugging his shoulders.

“Yeah, I guess I do.” You sighed dreamily, turning to your adorable boyfriend.

You went to drop your cigarette, but Steve caught your wrist, taking the small smoke from your fingers and inhaling deeply before stomping it out himself. He blew the smoke over your shoulder before stepping closer.

You placed your hands on his chest and migrated one of them of his thin tie to smooth it.

“God, you’re so beautiful.” Steve said under his breath as he watched you.

In gentle moments like this, Steve could only stop and stare at you. And thank the universe and every God in existence that you were his. In these moments, sometimes his overloading thoughts of adoration would slip out.

You looked up at his through your lashes and blushed, moving forward to bury your face in his chest. Something you often did when Steve would swoon over you.

“Wait,” Steve said, catching your cheeks before you could nuzzle into him.

“What?” You asked.

Steve looked down at you, pink cheeks and small dainty smile. It felt like he needed to take a beat and memorize this quiet moment, music humming in the background and your happy, tranquil expression. He was a giant sap when it came to you and he made no effort to hide it, but sometimes, when your beauty astounded him in such a way that made his knees weak, he kept to himself. He didn’t let these thoughts slip out, he just wanted silent reminders for himself about how wonderful you really were.

“I love you.” He said, moving slowly to your lips.

“Mm, I love you, too.” You said, smiling growing as Steve placed a gentle kiss to your lips.

“Ready to go back in?” Steve whispered to your lips after he pulled away.

He silently hoped you would opt for a French exit so you two could fool around in the backseat of his car, but then you would both miss the little trick up his sleeve.

“For a bit longer, we haven’t seen the chair dance yet, and I know Dustin would kill me if he was up there and didn’t see us singing along and smiling.” You said, moving your hand up to your cheek to take Steve’s and hold it down by your side.

“Okay, let’s go back in.” Steve nodded.

He shifted your hands so he could lace his fingers between yours and you both headed back to the entrance. As you rounded the corner and got closer to the double doors, the music became clearer, and you noticed the song change to a familiar one.

“Oh my god! You are so cheesy.” You stopped in your tracks, laughing.

“What? This wasn’t me. Dustin loves this song.” Steve feigned innocence.

“Oh, yeah. I’m sure he loves the Carpenters.” You rolled your eyes playfully.

“Well, this sure is a coincidence. We better head in so we can appreciate it.” Steve said as you watched try to hide his knowing smile.

“Fine.” You said dramatically, and Steve began to pull you inside.

“Actually,” You stopped him, changing your mind, “Let’s appreciate it from here.”

You closed the small gap between you, setting your hands on Steve’s shoulders as his instinctively were placed on your waist.

He smirked, “Who’s cheesy now?”

“Still you, but I have my moments.”

“I guess I’m rubbing off on you.” Steve puffed out his chest as you two slowly swayed and you laughed.

“Yeah, I would say so.”

A comfortable silence fell after that, as you were pulled closer to Steve as you danced, swaying to the soft beat of Close To You. Steve knew that it may not been playing at your wedding, but for now, he knew it was enough.

Because obviously, he would make it up to you later. He was going to make sure that this song was the song you first danced after you both said I Do’s.

And like the silent language lovers have, you knew this too.

And you were looking forward to it.  

-

tags: @kaliforniacoastalteens @tanovic54321 @chels-nyc @hoebliss @remorsefuul @keejan-turtle @captaintightpants58 @fandomsfavorite @comefindmesomeday @random-ffandom @thingsweneverhave @nowvoyagerruinedme @rachrose8 @midgardiansworld @cats-on-the-beach @secillyj @kyaramaya 

[perkqularkreashions]

Sight of the Sun

//The One where Y/N relys on Gendry during her escape from Kings Landing//

She pushed her body more, her rugged breathing hitting the warm air of Kings Landing. She pushed through the people in the market, her head flying behind to see the guards still chasing after her. She was blindly by the tears that rapidly streamed down her face. Y/N couldn’t believe that her father was dead, the man that taught her everything, never treating her as a ward but as his own. She wished she was able to stop him, praying that she’d been strong enough to push through the crowds and felt fight that tyrant they called a king.

Y/N huffed loudly, she quickly skidded across the corner, her eyes flickering over the bustling market. She quickly ran into a blacksmiths housing, the man was sweating and continuously banged on the sword with a metal mallet. He looked up squinting his eyes at the girl whom stopped in front of him, his eyes scanning over hers before wiping the sweat the ran down for brow bone. “Good Evening M'lady-”

“Please Ser I need your help” she begged, he took the girl. Her golden and red dress tainted and slashed. Her face covered in blood, which he assumed was her own. Her hands were gripping the dress tightly, he could make out the fear that coursed through her. He nodded his head for her to follow, he quickly pushes the girl behind a shelf of swords that he’d made. Covering her whimpering body with a cloth.

She did not understand why she felt instantly drawn to him, he had this familiarity about him, something that made her feel at him. “Boy!” The familiar voice of the guard shouted, she squeezed her eyes tightly at the sound of armor clanging as they walked. “Were looking for a Lady, (hair color), her eyes dark as night and (hair type) reaching about a length of he points to his (hair length). He places his rag down his eyes scanning over the men, he instantly recognized them as being apart the Lannister army. The man nodded, his hand pointing to the opposite direction of which they’d came,

“She came in her asking for help, told ‘er to get gone and she ran over there” he spoke slowly, the guards nodded quickly leaving the blacksmith in his boiling shop. The guards soon disappeared from sight, the atmosphere returned to its normal setting as he slowly moved to the girl, yanking off the cloth quickly. He was taken back by her body falling unto his, her arms wrapping around his sweaty neck. Her sobs shaking her chest as she squeezed her eyes shut. “Hey they are gone now. I’m positive they won’t be around here again.”

“I’m Gendry” he states once she pulled away from his embrace.

She was placed in his clothes while curled up against a makeshift bed. She watched the fire and listened to the soft sound of the logs crackling. Her mind drifting from her father’s head falling unto the floor to her sister falling into the arms of the heartless soldiers. She felt pathetic not staying and fighting, she wondered if they made it or if suffered the same fate as father. “I met your father once”

She hummed in response, her eyes still focused on the dancing flames. “He was a good man, he didn’t deserve that death, at the hands of a insufferable little boy” she whispers out.

“King Joffrey… living like this- like me the worst thing you have to deal with is men trying to steal from you or- drunkards roaming about” he whispered “I could never imagine a life where my father was a Lord or the King”

“I’m a bastard” she speaks lowly “My mother, well Catelyn barely looked at me and Jon, she despised Jon a little more than I. I resemble a sibling that King Robert was suppose to marry- I never pay attention to the tales my father told me”

“I never met my mother but I know she sung to me and possessed yellow hair” he whispered, she felt a shift in the bed, his body was now leaning against the wall. His eyes watching hers and she watched the fire.

“I hate the heat” she suddenly spoke looking at him, her randomness taking him by surprise “I was raised in the North but Catelyn pushed so hard for me to come like she knew that all this would happen. She didn’t want me near her, Ned he was the glue that held The Bastards close to the family.”

“He’s always right here” he pants to his chest “No matter how meek things seem to get just hold on to those good memories, the good moments-” she interrupted his words by placing her lips to his. His hand raising to cuff her face bringing her closer to him.

“I’m sorry I-” she pulls away her hand resting on his chest while she tugs on her bottom lip.

“Why don’t you just sleep, you must be tired after the eventful day you’ve had” she nods slowly, her hands pulling the thin cloth over her body as she watched the back of her eyelids.

Gendry laid awake, its only been a few hours since Y/N’s snore filled the air. He could find himself drifting to sleep. His eyes snapped to the girl, her soft murmurs filled the air before she let out a piercing scream, her body instantly yanking up as she breathed heavily. Another left her lips as Gendry tried comforting her. “Hey! Hey! It’s alright no one is going to hurt you. I’m right here” she gripped unto his shirt.

Y/N was riding through the snow that captured the air. She’d been riding for months to get to the Wall the only place where she felt safe. The cold air nipping against her exposed her made her feel at home, returning the feeling of Winterfell. “Open the gate!” She heard a male voice shout, the slow churning irritated Y/N, she was impatient no longer the girl that coward at her own shadow. These last few years made her stronger, relying only on herself. But she craved her family missing and praying that’d she’d get to feel the warmth of Jon again.

“Who are you?” One of the men stated without any introduction she moved through the gate, her hand pushing past the thin man. She looked around the The Wall. Jon sat at the head of the table with his sisters and brother around him. Gendry posed behind him, they sat in silence the words not yet sinking in that Winter is Here. “Jon Snow!” He heard his name being called, the men turning their heads to the door as the woman began screaming out his name. “Get off of me you assholes!” Her muffled voice stated. His chair squeaking against the wooden floor as he moved toward the woman’s voice as his siblings followed.

“Did you fuck her before you joined the Night’s watch?” One of the men joked as they held her face to the ground, she struggled against their weights.

“No! I’m his sister!” She hissed loudly, her words instantly made the silent air even more quiet. Jon slowly marched toward the girl causing the men to quickly back off of her. He stopped in front of her, Y/N’s body slowly getting up, her limbs slightly numb from the exceeding force. Removing her cloak, she offered a slight grin to her younger brother. “You’re terribly ugly! I wouldn’t want to fuck you” she stated her face scrunched up. His arms wrapping around her.

“We thought you died! Where were you?”

"Everywhere” she simply answer, her eyes shifting to the siblings behind her. Her eyes lighting up at the sight of Arya and Sansa.

“Y/N” Sansa breathed out, her arms wrapping around her. “I’m glad to see you’re alive. ”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you… either of you” she whispers lowly

“We never blamed you, we were all just scared kids” she whispered, she licked her dry lips before giving a nod to her statement.

“Bran! You’re so old now! God I remember when you had dad’s luscious locks” she laughs, moving to Bran, wrapping her arms around him. She stared at the wheelchair he was in and decided to question him on it later.

“King of the North! I hear!” She turns back to Jon “Do they know that you use to be scared to fight your dear old sister”

Jon laughs at the memory, he wasn’t so much as scared but petrified that father actually made them use real swords. While Jon was apprehensive about swinging on his sister, Y/N well she giddily swung the sword about, her eyes holding this feigned innocent when she sliced his forearm. “You were insane” he simply spoke.

“I’m sorry to intrude but we have matters to discuss that need you attention Jon” a familiar let out, she didn’t want to turn around, she did her best suppressing her emotions. Never letting a tear shed when she thought about him or how he promised to protect but the next morning disappeared from the bedside. Leaving her broken and weak.

“Gendry I want you to meet my sister” Jon spoke, she turned around watching his expression fall, he watched her. She wasn’t the sad broken girl that he’d left on her bedside. She moved up the steps, watching him for a moment,

“I thought when I saw you again, I’d find the sun. Everything was dark and cold. I was broken and I thought maybe- just maybe you could fix it-”

“Y/N” was all he spoke

“You left, without a single goodbye, explanation. I guess this is some sign telling me I should kill you right now” he flinched at her harsh words. “It is a pleasure meeting you Gendry” she whispers before moving into the room.

[multiplefandomfics]

Grimes sisters chapter 23

and as promised the last chapters are coming today.

Pairings: Daryl x Alex; Negan x Fabienne

Warnings: angst, reunion

Words: 2397

Fabienne POV

A few days ticked by, well 10 to be exact. Again I overheard Simon and Negan talking about a tour and again I wanted to tail them.

I hadn’t told Negan that he was gonna be a father yet. I was afraid of his reaction and needed to swallow all of the things that had happened myself first. Plus the right moment hadn’t offered itself either.

This time I wanted to be there first so I took a car when no one noticed and drove a slightly different way. I knew where they were headed after all. I hid the car a bit further out on a street they weren’t gonna be taking and walked the rest by foot. Excited I sat down behind a bush when I had reached the community and waited. Half an hour later I heard the saviors trucks rolling in. Again they stopped in front of the gate and they got out. I saw Negan last “We’re back, Rick!” he called loudly and next the doors opened. Rick, Daryl a big red headed man and a tall man with brown locks I didn’t know stood directly before them, blocking their way. I prayed that this was not gonna end bad. “We’re here to collect the things that belong to us.” Negan smiled sourly and I saw Ricks signature move hand going to his gun. “No! We’re not gonna tolerate this theft any longer. If you want it you’ll have to take it by force.” Rick announced self assured and then I got really nervous. I thought I knew Negan but he was unpredictable. A second longer I observed the situation and then Negan took a hold of his baseball bat again. Ready to break all hell loose and I couldn’t let that happen. The terrible grin on Negan’s face was enough to make me nauseous “what did I say last time and the time before that? What’s yours is ours if we want it. And you don’t stand a chance against my men and me.” he gritted out through his teeth. I could see that one vein on his neck pumping blood and that was a secure sign that he was furious and close to exploding. It was as if I saw a completely different person threatening my family and I couldn’t let that slide so I jumped out of my hiding spot sprinting toward the group. “It’s theirs! They have found it! It doesn’t belong to us!” Shocked they all turned around looking at me as if I was crazy. Negan’s men still have their guns aimed at my friends and family. “What in hell are you doing here, damn it Fabienne!” he had never spoken to me like that before and I was kinda shocked but only for a second before rage took over again. “Fabienne?” I heard it behind me and recognized my brothers voice almost breaking saying my name. But before I was gonna speak to him I needed to give Negan the lecture he deserved. “I already followed you last time you came here because I got suspicious where you had found all those fresh fruits and vegetables. Damn it what were you thinking? And I told you about Rick and my group and I trust that you had figured out this were them so why didn’t you tell me?” I was yelling at him getting angrier by the second. I was really hurt. I thought I knew him but turned out I didn’t. “I just want us to survive this, baby. I did this only for us and I swear I didn’t know that...” he tried to calm me but I interrupted him “Don’t baby me and tell me you didn’t know they were my people. Maybe you should sometimes turn your brain on then you would have probably been able to guess! Think carefully before doing anything more!” I growled at him. After all he didn’t have the right to talk to my family like that. But he didn’t do what I wanted him to. His men were still targeting my group. “Let them take their weapons down or...” I hesitated for a second but I was sure it was the only way to make him do what I wanted him to “or you’ll never see your unborn child.” at first he didn’t realize fully what I had just said but then I saw the hard expression shift into something softer. I immediately knew I had thrown him off with those news. Shortly he raised his hand and the others took the weapons down. But I was still so damn angry that I just stormed past him running into my brothers arms. Just them I noticed that tears were running down my cheeks. Suddenly my name was called again “Fabi!!” and I started sobbing again but this time in relief. I hadn’t known if my sister was still alive but she was and that made me incredibly happy. I turned toward her and she jumped a second later into my outstretched arms. Oh, how I had missed her. “You’re alive! I… I.. where have you been?” she cried hysterically. I didn’t know my sister like that. She was normally the more relaxed sister. “I’m gonna tell you later okay?” I asked her and she nodded. When I looked for Negan I saw that the saviors had retreated back to their cars without another word. This behavior was like a knife to my heart. In that moment I really wanted to cry. What if that was his way of telling me he didn’t want the baby and I was alone? He hadn’t even come up with an excuse. To say I was disappointed was the understatement of the year. I took a deep breath and sighed as they closed the gates but I had to see the positive side to this, I was reunited with my family.

Then Alex started talking again “we thought you were dead!” I shook my head. “No. After Shane’s death I couldn’t stay any longer. Everything reminded me of him including you and that just hurt too much. Day by day and week by week I made it through… I know I hurt you with that.” I told them. “Yes we were so worried and searched for weeks!” Rick sounded angry and I understood him. “And then we see you again after over a year and you are pregnant from the guy who killed some of ours and stole our food? How did you even meet?” he worked himself more and more into his rage and it honestly scared me a bit. Alex had her hand on his arm to calm him a bit. “Rick, please let her arrive before you ask holes into her.” she tried but to no avail he wanted to get an answer.

“At one point on my journey I found myself in a small hunting shed in the woods and, well, then he stumbled upon it and we got along very well. He was really nice to me the whole time. I didn’t recognize him earlier either. He told me he was building up this community and asked if I didn’t wanna join him so I agreed. Was better than being alone again. We worked together this whole time and he was always caring so at some point I fell for him. Please don’t make me feel guilty about my feelings. And I only found out I was pregnant a week or so ago but I couldn’t tell him before.” I somehow felt the urge to justify myself, even though I didn’t need to. “You saw that I was as shocked about Negan’s behavior as you were.” and again I felt the tears well in my eyes. Alex showed understanding and embraced me but Rick was still angry. I really understood him. Negan hat killed two of his people and had taken their supplies again and again.

“at least this time she prevented him from takin’ anythin’” I heard Daryl mumble and just then noticed him. Rick marched off still furious to cool down and I knew he would eventually.

After that kinda awkward reunion Alex took me into her house and to her and Daryl’s bedroom to talk. “I totally understand you. You are not to blame for your feelings. When he was always playing a different role around you being an ass to us how could you have possibly known that?” she asked rhetorically. “Well, but now I’m pregnant and that jerk just left.” I mumbled trying to hold back the tears.

“Hey, you know what? Tomorrow we’re gonna visit Maggie in Hilltop.” he proposed.

“Maggie made it too? Oh that’s wonderful. But what is Hilltop?” I was happy to hear about Maggie. So Alex started to tell me the story of Hilltop…

Maggie POV

I had been sitting on a bench outside the main house in Hilltop enjoying the sun when the gate was opened and a car rolled through. I got up going closer and saw Aaron who pulled me into a hug. Next Alex got out and then I saw… Fabienne? Yes that was her. How was she alive? They had told me she’d run away and naturally we had thought she didn’t make it. “Fabienne?” I asked surprised so she came walking toward me embracing me too. “Where have you been?” I wanted to know. “I  lost it after Shane had died and just needed to leave.” she looked down telling me that. “Come with me inside and let’s drink some tea.” I suggested and we went inside.

“I always thought you hadn’t made it out of the prison.” she stated but was happy to see me nonetheless and I knew she wanted to know my story so I told it to her.

“It was a really close call. But we made it. When the attack started Glenn had immediately gotten my father and Bethy out. I fled with Axel after we had run out of ammo and saw that it was a lost cause. On our way out we found Tara. She was one of the governors people but she was hurt so my helpers syndrome kicked in and we took her with us. Now she is one of our most trusted allies and helps us here a lot. In the forest we met Glenn with Beth and my dad and fled together.

Behind us we only saw the big smoke cloud coming off our destroyed home.

Of course we tried to find you but we didn’t have a tracker and we had the feeling that we were always running around in circles and when we had finally caught up to the signs you’d left you were already gone and we didn’t know where else to search. So we made our own way.

For weeks we fought our way through the world out there. Later we encountered a truck with Abraham, Rosita and Eugene. We were skeptical but also a bit desperate and went with them although Abraham’s harsh nature discouraged us a little to go with them. But I assume you’ve met them already and know they’re nice people. Well and then a bit more time down the river we had made it to Alexandria and met Rick and the others all by ourselves. Well and Jesus, who Rick and Daryl met during a supply run, took us with him to Hilltop when it got too crowded in Alexandria and my dad, as a former farmer, was needed here more. And the rest you probably already heard from Alex.” I finished.

“So I heard you are pregnant? Congrats to you and Glenn.” she looked at me expectantly. I nodded in affirmation and stroked absentmindedly over my belly. “yes 4 months along.” I said proudly. It was a miracle having a good place to raise a baby in those times. But I hoped that it was a good sign that better days were to come. “Well, I’m pregnant too.” Fabienne mumbled then and I thought I hadn’t heard right but it was true. She seemed to be uncomfortable with telling me that. I was curious who the father was. Had she met someone on her way? “The father is Negan.” she didn’t say anything more but it was enough. That was the guy whose group always demanded our crops. And Rick told me what he had done to them. Raiding their cellars and killing their people. How could Fabienne be with someone like that?

“I know what you think but he was so differently to me. I thought he was a good man… well I was wrong.” she confessed and I could see that she blamed herself more than anything even though it wasn’t her fault. She just simply didn’t know what he’d done to her family otherwise she wouldn’t have ended up with him. “And let me guess- you told him about the baby and he let you hanging? He is an asshole through and through. Don’t let him pull you down. You deserve better!” I told her. “Maybe we should show Fabienne through Hilltop.” Aaron intervened suddenly and I thought it was a great idea. But somehow I knew I was gonna be haunted by the knowledge who Fabienne’s baby's father was.

We ended in the gardens where my father and Beth were working. “Dad look who’s visiting.” I called and when they looked up their expressions turned to one of surprise.  

“Fabienne, my child, you’re here. That is wonderful. Welcome to Hilltop.” he greeted her. Beth had also come over and hugged her.

A sudden thumping noise shook us out of the nostalgic atmosphere. We whipped around and noticed Alex passed out on the ground. Immediately I called for help while Fabienne had kneeled down next to her “Alex? Wake up! What’s wrong?” but she didn’t react.

A minute later she came to herself “Alex? What happened?” I asked her.

“I don’t know. Suddenly I felt really nauseous and then there was this vertigo and then everything got black.” we had given her some water. The guys I had beckoned over carried her to the infirmary and just a few minutes later our doctor arrived to check her health….