#me after hectic busy projects: oh so that was A Lot wasn't it

[girls-and-honey]

:')

[drkmgs]

Muse

Jenna Ortega x Fem! Reader

Warning: angst, break-up, exes working with each other

Story type: One shot

According to the poll, I made 50.5% of 311 voters want this one. I don't know. Should I have posted a little summary? hehe. The end was so hard to write. I hope it came out fine...

You released a heavy sigh as you looked around your blackroom. She was everywhere. There is it again, the certain squeeze in your chest. You swallowed the clump in your throat.

She was your muse.

Sadly, that has changed now.

At first, she was a stranger, then an acquaintance, turned into a friend, that developed to lovers, and now back to a stranger again. Stranger is a strong word because you don't work with strangers. What do you call two exes that sometimes work together?

You should have listened to your friends – never mingle with someone who is famous.

It will only destroy you, and it did.

Well, not you completely, but mostly your heart and it shows – in your writings, pictures, songs you listen to, and hell even in your outfits. She drastically changed you. No, scratch that. It wasn't her who changed you. It was the pain, anger, and heartache. Where do these feelings come from? Is it from the unanswered questions, like why did she leave me? Probably.

How do people cope with heartbreaks without knowing the reason as to why the person you love the most left you? This breakup did something to you. It brought a lot of people back into your life and opened up opportunities. Next month, you'll be showing chasing some of your work at the Met Gala. The main reason why you're in the middle of developing some of your films.

After your break up with Jenna, you threw yourself onto work. Most of the pieces you have sold, were painful and hurtful, but these ones that you're developing are quite the opposite. These pictures were taken before the pain, where everything was happy and in love. You weren't even halfway developing all the roll films you have, and yet your blackroom is already filled with her.

Smiling, dancing, singing, baking, walking, and even sleeping. She was certainly your muse. There is one picture that stands out, and it is your favorite. She was in a grass field with daisies. Her smiling face wasn't towards the camera but to you. It shows how happy she was with you in that moment. You wonder what changed? What changed that made her run away from you?

Your thoughts were interrupted when your phone vibrated beside you. You immediately answered and squeezed it between your ear and shoulder, both of your hands were busy hanging the developed film.

"Y/N Callaway speaking." You hear hectic shoutings in the background and commands from the person who rang you.

"Darling, Callaway! It's Gladys! I know you're busy with your work for the Met Gala, but is there a chance that you could do me a favor?" You can hear that she's biting her nails as her voice wasn't as confident as it always has been.

"Depends on what favor, Glads." You have known this woman since you started your photography career, and she has been setting you up with clients, but now that you have bigger projects, she would only set you up if it was necessary.

"I need you for a shoot. In like 30 min. The one I hired got into an accident and we need a photographer asap." You look at your watch. The pieces you want to use for the Met were already drying, but new ones wouldn't hurt.

"Okay. Send me the address." You ended the call, stood up from the stool, got your leather jacket from the hook, and stepped out of your blackroom. When you got there, everyone was already waiting, and Gladys was frantically pacing back and fort.

"Oh may god! Darling! You're an angel sent from above!" She greeted you as she spotted you when she faced towards you. "I tried to come as fast as I could." You gently placed your equipment on the ground and greeted her back.

"That's okay! I'm so glad you are here! So, our model just got her make-up done, and she already has her outfit on. We need a picture of her walking here, somewhere she's sitting and then one with a car. The car is that one. You can meet our model, she is in that van." She pointed at the blacked parked mini van, not far where you were standing. You nodded at her, and she walked away to do some phone calls.

You knocked on the van door and stepped back a bit, gaze on the ground. "Oh-Hi, Y/N." A familiar voice rang through your ear, which made you snap your head up. "Enrique. Nice to see you again." You gave him a genuine smile. Your gaze shifted to the woman behind him. You saw her shock face, but it immediately changed into a stoic expression.

"Miss Ortega. Congratulations to Wednesday. It turned out great." After the break up, you started calling her by her last name. You thought, a professional approach would be better than people asking how you two got into the first-name basis. The relationship you two had was only known by close friends and family, obviously Enrique counted as a close friend.

"You watched Wednesday?" There was a hint of curiosity in her voice, but her face stayed uninterested. "Yeah, I watched it with my daughter." You smiled lightly. "Sorry, did you say daughter?" Her uninterested face turned into a furrowed eyebrows.

"Goddaughter." You don't know why you had the urge to correct yourself, but when she unforrowed her eyebrows, it made you exhale. You were used to people knowing that Penelope – your Goddaughter – you referring to her as your daughter.

Aside from diving into work while healing yourself, you spent mostly your time at your best friends's house, and when they announced they're adopting, you were over the moon. They didn't just help you get back on your feet but also gave you a different reason to be happy, and that's being a Godparent to Penelope.

There is a hint of confusion and anger within you as to why she reacted like that? She left you. You mean nothing to her. So, why did she look so relieved when you corrected yourself? You shook your head to get out of that state of mind.

"I think we should get this shooting started." You didn't wait for her to reply. You just walked away and got your equipment ready. While you're busy with your stuff, there's a pair of eyes watching you. Never taking them away from you.

"Take a picture. It will last longer." Enrique chimed behind the woman. "I don't understand you. You keep saying you don't love her anymore and that you moved on, but here you are having heart eyes." Enrique made a hand gesture indicating the situation he just saw.

"I don't have heart eyes." She scoffed and rollled her eyes and went back, scrolling through her phone. "Girl. Don't. I know what I saw, and I believe in what I saw. You are still in love with her." Enrique sassied. "Okay, so what if I still love her?! It doesn't matter! Let's say she still loves me. Why? Why would she be? All I did was leave and break her heart." From a far, it looks like Jenna is about to have a mental breakdown.

Sure, she has seen you a couple of times after the breakup, but right now, something is different. The shine in your eyes talking about your goddaughter–is the way you looked at her in the past. Full of adoration and love. Jenna wanted to get lost in those eyes, but it changed as soon as you laid your eyes on hers.

From where you were standing, you could see how frustrated she was and her eyes. You know it's screaming sadness and regrets, but also pain and anger. Anger not towards you, but to herself. She tried so hard to stop the tears. Seeing her like that, something heavy pulls down on your chest. Enrique tried to consult her, but she refused and excused herself.

You watch her walk away the set and turn to look at Enrique. He shrugged and signed you to follow her. You excused yourself from the other staff saying you are going to the powder room, but you actually followed Jenna. Around the corner, you see her, phasing back and forth, shaking her hands–trying to calm down.

You couldn't keep watching, so as soon as Jenna turned around, you engulfed her into a hug. She didn't push you away. She inhaled and relaxed into you, grabbing onto your jacket. "I'm sorry." She mumbled through her sobbing. You didn't say anything. You just stood there patting her back. When she calmed down, she stepped back and wiped her tears. You were about to leave when she stopped you.

"I mean it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for not telling you about how I feel and what was bothering me. Please forgive." Jenna's voice cracked at the end. You shook your head. "I don't know what to say to you, Jenna. I thought when this moment came, I was ready to face any of your reasons, but I am not. What you did is still so fresh in my memory as if it happened yesterday, but I know I still have the heart to forgive you." You say trying to get out of her grip. "Then let me make it up to you. I promise I'll be better. I'll fix everything." She desperately says. "Jenna. Don't make promises you can't fulfill, and if you break a glass and try to fix it, it will never be the same before you broke it." After hearing that, Jenna finally loosened her grip on you.

"I'll head back to the set. I'll tell them you'll need a minute." You excused yourself. This time around, Jenna watched you leave, and she'll never know when you'll be back in her arms.

[kirihotto]

Stay PT.1 {Suga X Reader 18+}

→ Rating: 18+ Minors are strictly prohibited from engaging and reading this content. It contains explicit content.

→ Genre: Friends to Lovers

→ Summary: You and Yoongi have been friends since high school. Busy adult life means seeing friends less and less. His roommate's departure date and your week off, line up. You plan to spend a few free days with Yoongi. Catching up like old times. 

→ Word Count PT.1: 3 243

Disclaimer: All members are face and name claims for the story. This is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment or representation of real-life people. All works are purely for entertainment purposes.

Published: 03/22/23

Inspiration: Ari Abdul - Stay

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally a break. Working nearly everyday to earn not nearly as much as it feels. I was finally able to meet with Yoongi again. Our lives had been whisked away by work after highschool. So we haven't seen each other as often since graduating. We had been friends pretty much through all of middle school. Though throughout the highschool years we got a lot closer. We were just friends. Nothing more. Even though everyone suggested otherwise. We would shut down the topic of us dating as soon as anyone shot us a questioning glance. Tons of Girls were all over him. Hell, even some of the guys went for him. But as long as I've known him he has never been in a full on relationship. No, not dissing. I wasn't really the dating type either. My friends and family are all I need. With this break from a new hectic life I would finally get to hangout with them again. Yoongi and another member of his band, Hoseok shared an apartment. His bandmate would be out of town for this week. We both didn't have to work. So Tonight i will finally get to see him again. I've been starting to miss him…

“What are you all smiley about?” My roommate Mona questioned. She was another one of me and Yoongi's friends from highschool. We ended up rooming together since we both worked close by. She joined me at my seat at the island table scrolling on our phones. 

“Well, Mona I don't have to work for a week. And...”  I bragged glancing over the corner of my phone to catch her reaction. 

“And?”

“I’m going to Yoongi’s place for a day or two.” I stated quickly. Her eyes finally met mine. A sinister smirk came across her face. She didn't even have to say it. I already knew. 

“Oh ho~ no work and your boyfriend. Luckier than me.” she sassed me wandering toward the fridge unbothered. 

“He’s not-”

“Your boyfriend? Yeah I got that. But he clearly likes you. I know you used to like him in middle school. Girl, how long you been single? A long time. Which means you still like him.” She was stating the truth. I did have a thing for him in middle school. That's why we even became friends. Because I liked him, I tried to get closer to him. Which worked, but we never actually dated. I never ended up telling him I liked him. Although You do have to admit he is very attractive. Hang on a sec. He likes me..?

“Wait. Did he tell you he likes me?” my head shot up at the realization. Is that why? Mona shot me a frown with a raised brow.

“No. Obviously not. If he didn't tell you anything, he wouldn't be telling me. You're going there tonight anyway. Ask him yourself. Or y know you could always start things with spice.” She winked at me before returning to her room. I sat dumbfounded for a moment. Start things with spice? OH!

“Are you nuts?! I don't even know how to flirt!” I yelled at her from the kitchen. But now she brought it up and the dumb idea was floating about in the back of my brain. At the very least to ask him about liking me. It did always bother me that he never told me about any of his crushes or love life, Like I had told him. But I never did end up telling him that I liked him. I slumped over the chilly marble table I had been perched at. "Ugh. I don't know… we'll see what happens."

After an interesting morning I began to get my things ready. Though I wasn't going over until later today, this was the first time in a while I had free time. Tidying the place up as Mona left for her shift. The sun lit up the usual cool floors. Jamming to my music while folding the usually crumpled up laundry. All topped with a smile. I packed up my bag for the night and that's when my thoughts started to wonder again. Did he like me? why did he become friends with me? 

"Right. I planned to do some shopping." Tossing my worries away by the hot water running down my frame. The smell of sweet strawberries filled the bathroom as I desperately scrubbed it through my untamed hair. By the time I had gotten dressed up and gathered my things it was already twelve. I slid on a rather unusual outfit. A snug black turtle neck and pleated skirt. A pair of white knee highs to contrast. Lastly a pair of black high top converse. With my bag I was out the door. 

First I made a stop at the mall. Grabbing a few snacks for the night. Some of Yoongi's favorites as well as mine. Picking out a new necklace and shirt for myself. A little gift for my hard work y know. Browsing the mall to pass the time. Sipping on boba I had picked up along the way. After endless wandering I took a seat at an empty food court table. Although I had been so excited to meet with Yoongi, I was now getting nervous. Time is passing by so fast.. I had planned to meet him at around three and it was already two forty five. The things Mona and I talked about kept running through my mind. One thought after another tapioca pearl. Did he like me? Do I like him? Should I ask him? Then the last sip of my boba. The last pearl. Spice? nearly choked when the idea came to mind. I shook my flustered cheeks and tossed out the empty cup, making my way to Yoongi’s. 

“Yoongi! Where’s my bag!” An upbeat voice called out near the door. I was currently standing in front of their apartment. The black sleek door, laced with a silver number and slender handle. As for the voice who had been calling the sassy cat-like man. Was none other than Hoseok. After the exchange of a few more words I knocked on the door. More shuffling from inside. I stood awkwardly in the doorway. Another tenant shot me an odd glance after hearing the ruckus behind such a fancy door. Finally the door swung open. Hoseok was the one who greeted me. His light brown short fluffy hair all styled up for a show, his outfit full of accessories. Arms wide open with a huge smile. “Hey! F/N long time no see! Here to keep Yoongi company for me?” 

“Something like that..” My heart flew to my throat once I finally saw Yoongi after Hoseok's bear hug. Though he wasn't wearing anything fancy, a simple black hoodie and ripped jeans. His dark hair had gotten a lot longer since we last met. Even though he had never had long hair. It now sat at the sides of his cheek bones, even longer in the back. It suits him rather well. Yoongi's hand resting on the back of his neck. The many silver rings and earrings he had been wearing were now visible. He stood awkwardly next to his energetic counterpart.

“Don't smother her Hoseok.” He sighed, nudging him out of the way more. Hoseok complied but puppy pouted. 

“Good to see you again F/N! I have a flight to catch. Have fun.~” Hoseok beamed, dragging his bag down the hallway. Leaving the two awkward friends together.. Alone..Yoongi’s gaze caught mine.  My heart was still all over the place. My stomach doing flips. Seriously. We are always so close. Why was there this silence between us? Was he nervous too? Upon further inspection pink dusted his cheeks as we eyed each other down. I still stood, bags in hand in the hallway. 

“Ahem.. apologizes. Come on in. the mess.. Hoseok packed last minute. You know him..” Yoongi scoffed, Closing the door behind me. Grabbing the bags from my hands he set them on one of the fancy marble counters. Then wandering off to the living room picking up random pieces of clothing fired everywhere. While I struggled taking my shoes off at the door. Finally I made my way inside. This was my first time inside his place. Though I've been at the door before to pick him up or meet with him. I've never seen the inside. It was a lot bigger than expected. The whole place was very dark toned. The furniture was almost all black leather. A few small decor pieces such as pillows or the rug were in grays and whites. Other than the few accent pieces full of rainbow crazy color combos. Which of course were Hoseoks. Yoongi met with me near the door as I soaked in everything. He stood with his arms crossed and held a little smirk. “You like?” 

“Wow. it's so dark.” I remarked. My mind was running a mile a minute. Scanning the new place, trying to find things to say or talk about. So really that’s all that would come out. 

“Well. That's because it's evening.” He chuckled to himself slightly. Losing his serious posture. 

“R-right... I brought some stuff.” I went over to the bags of stuff I had brought hauling out some goodies. Showing him one by one like a review channel. He nodded in agreement. 

“I appreciate it. But you didn't have to. Thanks. Here you have your bags with you. I’ll show you where you’ll be staying” Without saying another word he grabbed my bags. Leading me down the hall from the living room. Following his lead to another dark themed room. The walls were dark gray, the rugs black and white. Even the sheets were black. Upon further inspection I was greeted with a computer set up, a mic and..

“Your guitar.” I blurted out. Yoongi on the other side of the room, placed my bags down on the small leather couch. Looking over his shoulder at me. 

“Yeah. it is. Though I don't often use it to record. But I play on occasion. Hope my room’s alright.” Yoongi stated, stalking his way beside me. His gaze fixed on his guitar while I focused on his features. Like studying a test paper. His gaze shifted to mine and we briefly met. Until I turned around and wandered outside. So this was Yoongi's room. He must be staying in Hoseok’s room for me. What is this weird tension? We're like best friends. Maybe it's just because it's been a bit. He joined me outside the room, his slender hand on my shoulder. “Wanna get some food? You pick, I don't care either way.”

“Oh yeah. Uhm? How does jejuk sound?” 

“Sounds good. I'll call it in.” He smiled making his way to the kitchen, reaching for his phone. He tapped away at it for a moment. “You pick a movie, We can start after I order.”

“Sounds good!” I replied. Finally things were easing out. It must have just been that it's been awhile. I've missed this. Not that I've ever been here before. But just relaxing with him. Yoongi’s silk-like voice spoke over the cell hovering by his ear. I made my way over to the large black couch in front of the decently huge TV. Searching the glass tables for a remote. 

“It’s already on. Connect your phone to it.” Yoongi mumbled, flipping the hair out of his face. Continuing the call. He must have noticed my awkward searching. Sitting properly I scrolled through movies we hadn't seen. This was something we used to do often. Watching shows or movies together in highschool. There had been many movies we missed due to our time apart. After scrolling I flicked on a show called ‘coffee prince’. A/N: (Just so you know I only read about this and have no idea what happens in it. Just making it up as I go bare with me T.T ) Honestly it didn't matter if what we watched sucked or not. We would find a way to bond over it somehow. Yoongi flicked off the main bright light, leaving only the TV and kitchen lights. Then sat next to me on the couch with a flop. Running his hands through his silky hair. Resting his elbows on his knees as he slouched over. 

“Food will be here in twenty minutes or so. Wait to get the snacks until we eat?” Yoongi questioned, flopping back on the couch. While I sat stiff, upright. 

“Yeah. dont wanna get full first right? How’s this show?” I gestured, making him look toward the TV my phone had connected to. 

“Sure. Why are you so tense? Relax.” He instructed. Placing his hand on my shoulder once again. Though it was a signal to help me relax, my shoulders tensed. He shot me a questioned yet concerned look. 

“Ahh haha it's just… A new place! I'm not used to things yet. I'm ok. Let's just watch.” total bullshit. I was nervous. What is wrong with me? Am I seeing things? Did he always look this good? 

“If you say so.” He retorted, smirking slightly. Unpausing the first episode the binge began. While scanning the interesting content playing before us I sank into the couch. Finally relaxing and leaning back. Yoongi too leaned back comfortably, his hand resting on the back of his neck. The arm closest to me resting behind the couch cushion. Finishing an episode of the show and the doorbell rang. 

“Right. Dinner. Be right back, we can eat here while we watch.” Yoongi groaned, placing his hands on his knees before standing. I paused the show as he walked off toward the door. Wallet in hand. After little conversation and a small bow, the fresh food smell swarmed the house. I jumped up to help him. Searching for the chopsticks as he pulled out the plastic bowls. Again. I knew little about the layout of this place so I was struggling. He snickered, drawing my attention. “That drawer there. You just couldn't wait huh?” 

“Well. I felt bad.”

“For?”

“You’ve carried my bags, You paid for my food, I'm making you watch a show I picked, wasting your time off and i’m sleeping in your.. room…” My fiery protest ended up making me blush rather than teasing him. I stood in front of the drawer he had pointed me in the direction of. 

“Wasting my time off? I’m glad you showed. It’s been awhile, yes?” Yoongi said slyly, running his hands through his hair. A new found silk in his voice as he spoke. Maybe it wasn't new. Perhaps it was just me paying attention. He now stood in front of me, looking down at me. Meeting his gaze he chuckled. “A little food is no big deal either. If we can hangout, food is a price I'm willing to pay. Are you gonna keep standing there or what?”

“Right! This drawer?” I fumbled about. Opening the drawer we had been standing in front of. My palms sweaty as I handed him one set of silver chopsticks. Rushing back over to the couch, hot bowl in my hands. Placing my dish in front of me on the table. Stuffing my face even though it was hot. Yoongi followed suit. Sitting next to me. Watching me stuff my mouth, my cheeks pinkened. But I didn't even care. 

“Are you alright? You seem off.” Yoongi questioned. Turning to his bowl, blowing on it calmly. 

“Yeah. I'm fine! Just hungry.” though it was a lie. I had been dying to ask him about highschool. If he’d ever had a partner. A crush. Or liked me?! It was driving me mad. 

“Wanna continue this show?” Yoongi signaled his head toward the TV. grabbing my phone, I flicked it back on. Though I had picked the show at random it was pretty good. Shocked to see Yoongi this into it as well. Usually we would chat between boring scenes. But there really weren't any. The couple was quite enjoyable. Something I would mind being like in a relationship. Not something I was expecting with such a title. Let alone something Yoongi would be into. I needed to break this silence. 

“So. What's with the long hair?” I questioned. Finishing up my meal. We were already on the third episode. 

“I haven't  booked a haircut. Thought it looked ok. What you think?” Now he was questioning me. After Yoongi spoke he turned his focus to me. Ruffling his hair as some kind of showcase. Swiping it back again. What do I think? Honestly. It looks fucking great. 

“O-oh yeah it looks good on you. You’ve got nicer hair than me.” satisfied, Yoongi's half chuckle and focus went back to the TV. I had tried to break the silence. But it only seemed to add more. The plot continued to pull ups and downs. The two main characters fall more and more in love in their youth. Yoongi and I haven't spoken since episode three. We were now on five. We had finished our meals rather quickly and snacked on what I had brought over. Some snacks and ‘drinks’ of course. Honestly they helped calm my nerves. Which I didn't expect I'd need until this morning with Mona. I was not in my right mind. And this film wasn't helping. Being all lovey dovey.

(Spice)

 As the romantic scene got more and more intense the silence felt loud. Yoongi’s leg bouncing slightly. Moving the cushion we were both placed on. My mouth hung open after attempting to move the tension somewhere other than the TV. His hand balled in a fist next to his bouncing leg. Attempting to avert my gaze back to the TV but now it was all about Yoongi. He gnawed at his bottom lip slightly. His chest rising and falling somehow relaxingly slow. The spirals in my stomach aching for attention. Ok wow. This is a lot at once. My leg started to bounce alongside Yoongi’s. forbidden thoughts flooded my mind as my gaze fell lower..He clicked his tongue and began to stand up, hands on his knees. Oh. wow. Uhm. I guess he liked this.

“W-wait.” I did it. Finally calling out to him. Grabbing his fist that sat now on his lap. As I clung on desperately. Like I knew I had wanted to for years but was too scared. He shot me back a gaze I couldn't understand. But that slight blush and awkward look away told me all I needed to know. He was embarrassed. And it was fucking adorable. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to have grown claws, making me cling to him. Our thighs touching. Breaking the distance between us. Finally, My small voice broke through the fear and the now silent room. “Uhm.. sorry. About this. I had no idea what this show was about. I didn't bother to check the rating.. Listen. We’ve been close for a while.” 

Yoongi shot me a confused yet worried look. in no attempt to leave. I'm sure he wasn't expecting what was going to come out of my mouth next. Honestly. Neither did I. 

“I picked this show.  And uhm.. It's my fault your.. Y know.. So. Teach me how?” ok really what the fuck. I sound desperate.

“What?” Yoongi cleared his throat. 

“T-teach me how to give a blow job.”

[tokidokitokyo]

2023年3月31日

TL;DR - Much busy, no time, some study!

March was my busiest month so far this year. Between rushing to finish work projects and getting sick, I am surprised I found time to do anything else! The reality of not having a lot of time but still wanting to fit in Japanese study is that I just have to use the time that I do have wisely.

When I worked late I had very little time to fit in Japanese study before bed, so I switched it up and did a bit of study right before work started. When I wasn't working late and had put the baby to bed I was usually exhausted, and I had to choose between watching something easy and letting my brain relax (sometimes you just need to do that!) and putting in some study time.

Life is about balance, and so is studying Japanese. You have to be consistent in your studying to make real progress, but you also have to make time for rest and self care. When I was sick I prioritized rest and myself so that I could get better, and let everything else go. When I was exhausted after work I prioritized rest and sometimes just studied for 5-10 minutes or even not at all.

The moral of this story is to take care of yourself. Studying is important for progress, but if you just don't feel like it or you need rest more than you need to drill 50 kanji, just take a break! I see people who feel guilty for taking a day or two or even a year off, but Japanese is more forgiving than that. Take some time to rest and refresh, and come back whenever you're ready!

Now, on to my study habits!

3月ってすごく忙しかった。仕事がめちゃ忙しくて、風邪も何回引いてて、休む時間も少なかったです！時間が無くてもどうしても日本語の勉強を進みたいと思って、頑張って少ない暇の時間で勉強する動力しました。

仕事の残業があった日は寝る前に勉強時間が無くなって、朝早く仕事始まる前にちょっと勉強しました。残業が無くても、息子の面倒を見て、寝かしつけの後でもめちゃ疲れてやる気ない日もありました。そして空っぽでテレビを見るか勉強するか、どっちか選べないといけませんでしたね。

人生というのはバランスが大事だから、日本語の勉強も、それともどんな勉強でもバランスが必要ですね。風邪を引いてたときはゆっくり休んで、勉強なんか諦めました。風邪が治るまでに休むしかやらなかったです。仕事の後めちゃ疲れたときも休みました。

つまり、自分のことを大事にしてください！勉強も大事だけど、無理してはダメですね。休みたいと思ったり、元気がなかったりしているとき休んでいいよ。一日、一週間、そして一年間でも大丈夫ですね。勉強がいつまでも待っているので、ごゆっくりどうぞ！

じゃ、まとめをはじめよう！

My 2023 Goals Progress

I laid out some broad goals for my Japanese study in my 2023 Japanese Language Goals post, so here I will update my progress towards these goals.

1. Read one page a day of 日本の歴史366 (にほんのれきし366) everyday in 2023.

In March, my routine schedule of reading one page (one entry) a day fell apart because of work and illness. I am still behind, but I am not (too) stressed out about it. I am back to reading one or two pages a day, and while part of me is frustrated that I am not caught up, I am trying to be calm about it and to enjoy the history readings, rather than have it be a chore I have to catch up on.

2. Finish 日本語総まとめ N3 (にほんごそうまとめ N3) workbooks.

I still haven't had as much time as I would like to go through these workbooks in detail, but I have made some time recently to work through some of them. I prefer to go through the four books I have (Vocabulary, Kanji, Grammar, Listening) at the same time, but I am trying to be satisfied with doing one "day" of one workbook at a time, since that is the best way to work it into my schedule.

3. Review and learn the first 6 levels of the 常用漢字 (じょうようかんじ), specifically the 教育漢字 (きょういくかんじ) up to grade 6.

This has definitely suffered in March, but I hope to get back into these kanji with flash cards in April.

4. Read at least one book every two months.

Do you see me laughing and crying at the same time? I did read a book club book from the Seitokai Bookclub but only because it was very short! But I read none of the books I wanted to read and hoped to have finished by April. Oh well!

5. Improve my speaking and writing by finding a tutor.

April is my month! I will find someone who will help me with speaking and writing (italki?) and I will finally achieve my writing goal in Japanese! (I hope!)

6. Study Japanese for at least 10 minutes a day.

Despite my hectic schedule, massive amounts of time dedicated to family, work, and illness, I managed to keep this going most of the time. Studying Japanese for AT LEAST 10 minutes a day has been a habit I have been keeping up since at least 2021. It also helps that I communicate with my family in Japanese daily. I spoke with someone the other day about learning Japanese, and my best advice, no matter how you choose to start learning Japanese, is to make it a habit to work on your Japanese every day. This is the one habit that all successful language students have (this one cool trick!).

March Study Log

March's study distribution graph and percentages reflects the lack of time I had to study and the ways I tried to fit in studying anyways.

Listening - This was the biggest area of study because I was not only spending more time trying to fit in Japanese study with podcasts, but I was also watching a lot of educational shows with my son. I don't count passive listening in my study log, but I also did quite a bit of that (other TV shows that I had on whilst doing other things, or Japanese shows with English subtitles).

Vocabulary & Kanji - I usually study most of my vocabulary and kanji with reading or with renshuu flash cards, but I also learned a lot of new words through conversation and through educational children's shows this month.

Vocabulary & Kanji flash cards (renshuu.org)

言葉で遊ぼう (Japanese wordle)

Speaking & Reading - I had to basically cut out reading for the month of March, except for the page-a-day history book (日本の歴史366) and the Seitokai Bookclub manga that I read. I still have 3 books I'd like to finish!

とつくにの少女 - manga, read in March

Writing & Grammar - These subjects really suffered. I prefer to spend a bit more time learning grammar, and writing really fell by the wayside as soon as I got busy. There's always April, though!

Going Forward in March

Work through 総まとめ workbooks more often, broken up into smaller chunks

Work more on 漢字 and specifically focus on the 教育漢字

Read 満月珈琲店の星詠み to the halfway point

Find a new study method to try out!

I try to make my goals reasonable, but it always seems like there is something that comes along and forces me to reduce them even more ^^;; I guess this month's lesson is to be flexible, take care of yourself, and stay 元気! I hope that everyone fulfills their study goals in April!

毎月、達成可能な目標を作ろうとしても、毎月、なんかあって、また目標を減らさないといけません。仕方ないね…　今月の一言は：頭が柔らかくして、自分を大事にして、そして元気でね！4月にみんなの日本語の夢が叶えるように！

[sprinklethetangerine]

The past 3 days have been nightmarish.

Wednesday. I really really didn't wanna fucking go to my shit school but I had a science fair project I needed to work on so I got up out of bed and went to school with a headache wishing i coud just go home and back to sleep. The day was hectic, and I ended up missing math cause I was working on the science fair project, but we didn't end up doing much anyway, and we had no other time that we could work on it for the rest of the day so we ended up agreeing that I would go to her house to work on the project which was very not good because all I wanted at that point was for the day to be over and me to go the fuck home and sleep, but fine, I'll just work on the stupid project, it's fine. We end up finishing the project after lots of pain and suffering and all I wanted to do then was close my eyes and sleep but I had to wait for my mom to come pick me up so fine whatever. We sat around for hours until my mom finally got there at 9 pm and I got home super late. Then I realized I did not eat shit the whole day but I wanted to sleep so I just grabbed a quick snack that barely counts as a meal and went to sleep hungry and fucking tired as shit. Day over.

Thursday. Science fair day, I once again didn't want to go but I can't just ditch my team the day if the science fair so fine. I get up and go tired and still hungry. I end up missing lunch break adding final touches on our project and I don't get to eat. We set up on our table and get ready to present. We stand for what feels like forever before the teachers finally make it to our table only to turn around and look at the table in front of us. But that's fine we're gonna be next after those guys anyway. They see their project then turn around about to go to our table only for a previous table who's project wasn't working to go "wait we fixed the problem" so they turned around and went to them. Okay, fine, no big deal, it's fine, we're after them anyway. So they finish with that and come over to us only for another previous project to call them over for something and at that point I wanted to strangle someone especially since one of our members kept disappearing without explanation and I was worried she might run off right as we need to present and me and the other girl would have to present on our own, but it ended up fine as we dragged her back at the very last minute that the judges FINALLY showed up at our table. We present our project, get compliments on it from the judges, then head back to class to FINALLY sit down. I sew some people have noodles, I want noodles too. I ask where they got them, they say a student is making them in the teacher's lounge for money (all the teachers were busy with the science fair) so I head to the teacher's lounge and ask and she says "oh we just ran out of noodles, sorry." Great. Still no food. After the science fair, everyone is tired, but there's still two more hours left of the school day so we all reluctantly head to class and all the teachers are just pissed for no reason at all and they're like extra annoying today for some reason. Everyone is tired just let us eat, please let us live dude. So the day is FINALLY over after 8 hours of pain and suffering and I get ready to go the fuck home. Guess what? I have to WALK HOME. So tired and hungry I just get up and walk the fuck home and flop down on the couch fully prepared to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the day... ONLY FOR MY SISTER TO BARGE INTO THE HOUSE FROM WORK AND REMIND ME THAT I HAVE TO GO TO THE FUCKING DANCE CLASS SHIT. So I get up, pull out the first thing I see in the closet that semi-matches and just get in the car. Still tired. Still hungry. We make it there LATE and realize we didn't bring water. Great. So we go through the dance, and my pants are an absolute NIGHTMARE to move in, and I immediately regret my outfit choices. Then we go home to find my mom rearranged the entire house and I have to get used to it now. Fine. What's important is that we're finally home. When I think it's finally over my sister wants to do just dance and karaoke with my cousin who was with us at the time and apparently I have no choice in being part of it. Fine. At least I finally get to eat since we're home. So I get food and eat and we watch stuff and do dances or whatever then I finally... FINALLY sleep at like 4 am. Fully intending to not go to school tomorrow.

Friday. I wake up at 9 am. Wish I could sleep some more, but I should probably get up so whatever. I get up and watch TV for a bit expecting to rest today then my sister calls saying "LETS GO TO CHUCK E CHEESE" and I can't pass an offer like that up because the prospect of a Chuck E. Cheese in the country I love in is insane and I have to see it for myself. I get dressed and we go to Chuck E. Cheese then head home. I'm about to go to sleep when my sister suggests we watch something so fine I guess we'll watch. We watch for a bit and I run off to bed at like 2 am. Tired, but thankfully, not hungry this time.

Today. I wake up at 5 am. I am tired and kinda feeling sick, but I have archery today and I also have an entire story to write by Tuesday because I have made no progress and I don't really want to do either. I mean I do want to do them but I mostly jsut want some rest. The past few days have been terrible and I just want to sleep for like 10 hours. School is gonna kill me and the stupid dance class and archery class do not help. I also have to clean my room because it's been bothering me for a while. I just want some rest.

[thewriterabbit]

Oops...I Did It Again...

Oops, it’s July...

Is it really July?

Wow. Okay. Time really flew. I meant to come back and give an update after the last one I made in May…however, I never got around to doing it.

I apologize for the extended silence. It definitely wasn’t my intention when it came to launching this blog. I had a plan when it came to The Write Rabbit, and if I’m going to be completely honest with you all…I haven’t exactly been following it.

In today’s post, I’m sharing some life updates, writing updates, and…most importantly…an update regarding The Write Rabbit.

Life Update

Oh my God.

How life has changed since I made the decision to launch The Write Rabbit earlier this year. I mean, it wasn’t exactly unexpected but it was still quite overwhelming.

Everything with my day job has been, go-go-go! It’s been super busy, really hectic…and by the time I get home, I just want to lie down and not think or do anything. It’s been a miracle if I found enough energy to work on writing or even read a book!

Recently, I’ve been promoted and it’s been crazy adjusting to the new schedule and the work load. 

I’ve been overwhelmed lately, and everything that wasn’t pressing at the time was put on the back burner...and that, unfortunately, meant my writing and The Write Rabbit. 

If I’m going to be completely honest with you, I didn’t have the energy nor the proper motivation to go forward with it. If I was going to work on those projects, I wanted to put all of myself...all of my energy into them. I wanted to put my best foot forward with these projects. I wanted to put my all into them and I didn’t want to put too much stress on myself when I have to focus on other things. 

But that being said...

A lot has changed on the writing front, too. 

Writing Update 

I’ve been writing since...middle school...oh, god. How long ago was that? 2008/2009. Wow. Gosh, that was 14 or 15 years ago. Up until now, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I was throwing everything and anything up against the wall and waited to see if something (anything) stuck. 

To be honest, nothing really did. 

I wrote a lot of fan fiction. Like...a lot. Like an unhealthy amount. I started a lot of fan fiction while I had a mountain load of other fanfiction I was still working on. I worked on a lot of fiction and posted some of it online. But the main project I worked on was a supernatural-fantasy that I planned on being a series. At least a five book series. In high school, I was so obsessed with the idea.

It consumed nearly everything that I did.

It practically clouded my judgment when it came to writing. I absorbed any and all writing advice I could find, mostly on YouTube. However, no matter what I did...I could never break whatever hold the first draft of the first book.

I think...I think I burned myself out.

I think I pushed myself too much, too hard, and I practically ruined the series for me. The series is temporarily shelved.

Around the same time, I was in a massive writing and reading slump. All throughout my college career, I tried really hard to break through it. I tried to read more...I tried to write more. But, for some reason, something just didn't click.

When I first began my blogging journey, I thought that would somehow kickstart my desire to begin my writing journey once again. I thought that it would inspire me to get out of my writing slump...to get out of my reading slump.

But it didn't.

Time passed. Time mostly spent in limbo. In that time, I did write...some. I did read...some. But it wasn't as much as I liked. At the same time, I felt as though I burned myself out with blogging as well. Mostly because I didn't really have anything to say.

I had nothing.

So...what was the point?

My blog...inadvertently...went on a hiatus. A mostly unannounced hiatus. I took a break so that I could focus on other things...mostly writing.

However, this year I wanted to change. I needed a change. After some thought, and some long inner debate, I've finally decided to start taking writing seriously. Treating writing like a job.

There was a road block, in my mind, that prevented me from writing. I didn't know what it was. Until much recently, and I wished I had the knowledge to recognize it. Not just that...I wished I had the confidence and courage to call it as I saw it.

The mindset of viewing writing as merely a hobby just because it isn't making any kind of revenue at the moment was incredibly detrimental. I didn't want writing to be a hobby.

I had to step back and figure out what I wanted. What I wanted to do with writing. If I wanted to do it just for fun, just as a hobby. OR if I wanted to make a career out of it.

And I wanted to make a career out of it.

And so....my approach with writing had to change. And that was the key that I needed to allow me the ability to finally let go. It gave me the freedom to go at a pace that was much more feasible for me. I don't know if I'm explaining it right. I'm probably not.

But I'm starting to think I'm the kind of person that likes to plan and process what I'm doing and how I'm doing. It's weird.

Currently, I'm in pre-production (the planning stage) of a project that I've been working on and off since 2020. With this new mindset, I'm trying to approach my writing very differently. I'm trying to take my time and find a process that works for me. Originally, I had planned on beginning the drafting phase later this year and actually finishing it by the end of November...but I don't think that's an ideal plan. I'm taking the rest of the year to plan and figure out the story and hopefully, fingers crossed, I'll be able to begin drafting this project next year.

Blog Update

Late last year I wanted to get back into blogging. I just didn't know how. I just knew that it couldn't be a similar iteration of blogs I've done in the past. It was because of this idea that The Bluebird was formed.

It was my fresh start.

My approach was different....and the same. The difference was...I wasn't going to rush into blogging content before I felt I was ready. I wasn't going to launch a new blog before I had enough content to back it up. The idea was that I would launch the social media accounts before the blog, buying me enough time to figure out the kind of content I wanted to discuss. Buying me enough time to work on blog content.

However, The Bluebird never felt right when thinking about my blog.

I don't know how to explain it. But when I first picked the name, somewhere deep inside...I knew that the name would be temporary. That somewhere, down the line I would make a name change.

I didn't think it would be within a few months.

I had an idea one day while on break at work. Randomly, the idea of Alice in Wonderland popped in my head. The 137 year old children's classic is one of my favorite books. I read it in middle school and it has stuck with me ever since. I started thinking about the white rabbit and then the 'white' turned into 'write'....and I fell in love.

The Write Rabbit is a perfect connection to literature. It perfectly described the kind of blog that I wanted to make. I want this blog to be about stories and storytelling. I want to highlight stories in all of its forms: literature, film, television, music, and art. I also want to share my writing journey and share the behind the scenes of writing.

Currently, for the summer of 2022, I am going to remain on hiatus while I continue building content for the social media account and building a blog that I am proud of. Also, it gives me the time to really focus on my writing and honing my craft.

I appreciate your understanding and your patience. I’m hoping to come back (full swing) sometime in the fall. By then, I’m hopefully more comfortable with my new position and have gotten myself into a routine when it comes to writing and blogging.

Until then, I hope you follow The Write Rabbit’s social media accounts to stay up to date when I officially come back. I hope you all have a fantastic day and a great summer and I will see you in (roughly) three months!

[fortunatelyhauntedblackcherry]

Moonshine - A Beetlejuice Fanfiction 06

Warning: swearing, tiny bit of angst, anger issues, Beetlejuice being a jerk... Well that part isn't new isn't it 🙄😂

During the next week, Beetlejuice set to work. He started off with little pranks, playing with the lights, appearing in the corner of the girls' eyes. Then all of a sudden their hifi-system started acting all weird. Random screams and stops appeared during the songs they played.

Soon after that, Beetlejuice realized that Rei absolutely hated summer and being hot. She put the AC in her room on max, and growled everytime she had to go out, where there was no air conditioning. So, obviously, magically the AC in her room started blowing boiling hot air instead of cold. This made Rei furious, which caused Beetlejuice to laugh like a maniac.

Later that day, the Roomba attacked Sirius. Then everyone else. The next day the hairdryer sucked a part of Sofía's hair in, which she had to cut off because it just couldn't stop pulling it in. She was screaming in anger, while Beetlejuice was floating around her with a wicked smile.

But nothing bad ever happened to Ari.

When Beetlejuice wasn't acting all mischievous, and Ari wasn't at rehearsal or work, he was hanging out with her. They talked a lot. From disliked foods to favourite songs, they chatted about everything, although, somehow, they both avoided talking about their "origin stories".

- I'm honestly surprised you're not fed up with me yet. - he said once when they were sitting on the roof. He told her how easily she could climb out, and that it's a great place to be alone. - I know I'm a burden... Even my mom thinks that. - his voice got lower and a streak of purple appeared in his bright green hair. - I hate her so much.

- Your mom is an idiot. - said Ari in a sharp voice. Deep down she somehow knew Beetlejuice was broken like her, and it made her angry. She sighed, and continued on a calmer note. - You're fun, and not a burden at all. - she let out a small laugh. - Besides, you're the first "person" who's not weirded out by my horror and death obsession. And it just feels so good to talk to you. Like, you get me. So why would I be fed up with you? - Beetlejuice didn't answer. Just smiled and bit his lower lip as the purple streak changed light pink in his hair. - Anyways, what do you want to watch tonight? - Ari put on some of her favourite movies and series on autoplay every night on her laptop for Beetlejuice to watch while she was sleeping. In such a short time it became a habit, just like Ari putting Minerva in her cage so she wouldn't harass Beetlejuice during the night. These little gestures made Beetlejuice feel accepted. Someone actually made him a part of their life... Even though Ari didn't see him. Yet.

But since every rose has its thorn, Ari made some ground rules too, which BJ was not very fond of, but he obeyed anyways. He couldn't watch her or any of her sisters get undressed, or dressed, or go into the bathrooms with them cause, "ew, B., don't be a creep". Ari didn't know that he didn't care about Sofía and Rei getting naked, since the only one that he was interested in and made him rock hard was Edgar Allan Poe's daughter, the other two sisters were not hectic enough for him. Although, he couldn't sneak up on his chosen little breather, since she somehow always knew when he was there.

- You feel like an iceberg, thought I wouldn't know you're creeping around again? - said Ari with a laugh once, when Beetlejuice wanted to beat his meat to her taking a shower. - Now get out before I perform an exorcism on ya, Bug.

One day, when Ari left in the afternoon, Beetlejuice decided to wreck a little havoc. Sofía just came back from taking pictures for her new project, and decided she would develop them (she was working in an old fashioned way many times). They were made for a new exhibition about abandoned places, and the cemetery nearby was a perfect location for that. Yes, mainstream, but hipsters adored her work and usage of light so she got away with it.

Too bad Beetlejuice decided to haunt her that day.

Sirius was out on a walk with Rei and Minerva was minding her own business (she got kind of used to the demon at that point, although, once a day she still wanted to claw his eyes out), so he did whatever he wanted. He stepped into Sofía's room after her with a huge smile.

The walls in Sofi's room were light lavender (which were hardly visible because of the photoes she put on them), the ceiling was white, and there were 2 windows, framed by leaf-patterned tawny curtains. The hardwood floor was covered in fluffy, white carpet. In the corner, there was a kingsized bed with purple covers on it, and above that, shelves full of memorabilia. On the left of the bed, there was a window, a sandcoloured nightstand, and in the far corner, next to the door, a white commode. On the other side of the bed, there was a pretty white vanity with a mirror and a huge mess on it. Sofía kept her stuff for traveling under this, which made her almost fall over several times. On the opposite wall, she installed her workspace: a high quality PC, a cabinet full of props for photoshooting and everything she needed for her cameras. On the right, there was a white wardrobe closet with a built-in mirror. But the best part of the room was behind the closet. Sofía made herself a darkroom where she could develop her photos. She probably didn't think about a nasty demon trying to set her hair on point.

Beetlejuice followed Sofi into the darkroom. She started to work on the pictures, and BJ took his time. He waited for the right moment. He watched Sofía develop photos some days ago, so he knew when were the pictures the most vulnerable.

She prepared her chemicals, poured them into trays, then set out to choose her negative. Beetlejuice was standing on tiptoe to see perfectly what was going on, since Sofi was at least a head taller than him.

Sofía did the focusing on her image, enlarged the picture, then made a testprint. Oh how pretty it was. The whole vibe it was giving off was so grim. Beetlejuice was giggling as the girl started preparing the final image. She put the first picture in the developer tray.

- Oh what a shame it would be if something would have happened to this picture... - Beetlejuice sighed sarcastically. - What an absolute tragedy it would be. - he looked up at the red safelight. His sharp canines were flashing as he smiled. - Just a tiny bit of light and... - he signaled with his hand and the red bulb shattered into pieces, leaving a bright white light behind. - ...it's gone.

- The fuck... - proclaimed Sofi as she changed the lightbulb. The one she got out was burning hot.

- Yeah, all of a sudden too much electricity flowed into it, which made it shatter... - Beetlejuice giggled. - ...how awful... - the girl put her hair in a bun and started working again. - What a shame it would be if that happened again... - and half a minute after Sofía put the new photo in the developer, the lightbulb exploded again. Now it was even scintillating. - Oops.

Sofi let out an angry growl and tried again. Beetlejuice hopped up on one of the tables and with a smile on his face, he shattered the next bulb.

- STOP IT YOU ASSHOLE! - she screamed in anger as she kicked the table Beetlejuice was sitting on. That only made him laugh more.

- What an agressive little breather you are, Sofía. Shame on you, calling good old BJ like that... - the girl was turning around constantly. - You cannot see me, nor hear me. What are your plans with this spinning? You're gonna get sick, babes... - and with that, he made the light-thread, which was still in the socket, shine bright like a star.

- LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT, I'M GONNA SMUDGING STICK YOUR ASS OUT!!! - he made the light even brighter.

- Sweetheart, you can't. That shit hurts and it hurts even more to be called out like that, but, guess what? - he floated next to Sofía, and whispered into her ear. - I'll stay here forever!

And with that, he shattered the light-thread, and left a swearing, furious girl behind.