#me after losing gm 7 at home

[sorryjustafangirl]

what home is

a/n: this is my submission for @antoineroussel 's summer fic exchange 2k21! thank you for organizing this all demi. i recieved @timstuetzle and i am so excited to finally share this! im sorry it's so late but i had a lot of fun writing for Tim and i hope i did him justice! i made this a gender neutral reader again, so please enjoy my take on some friends to enemies to lovers :)

pairing: tim stützle x reader

word count: 18k+ (holey moley)

warnings: some angst, set in no covid-universe, a few swears, an odd timeline

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and real person fiction if you don’t like that, please don’t read! the banner is made by me, with photos found from pinterest and the transparent made by @art-and-the-hockeys (thank you!!!)

The start of the season was your favourite. The chill of the rink, the sound of skate edges on the ice, the smell of skate sharpening- it was all so familiar. As an analyst, the start was the best. There were new lineups, new plays, and a chance to try new things. Considering this was your first year as a real analyst, not just checking over others' work, you were excited. You got to actually help to build a Stanley Cup winning team.

What you didn’t love was how everyone seemed to lose their heads and decide to run around the arena. You’d been looking for the coach of the Ottawa Senators for the past twenty minutes. You’d think the man would be in his office the first day back, but no. He decides to take a stroll to who-knows-where and leaves you to follow invisible breadcrumbs.

Eventually, you found yourself on one of the lower levels. You continued down the hallway, entering an open space with concrete floors. The bustle of the new season was in full swing as you swerved between various people working like gears in a machine. You tried to do your best to stay out of other people’s way but you still ended up walking into a hard surface.

“Oof!” Shit. Hard surfaces don’t usually talk. You looked up at what you ran into and saw two men staring at you. Both were wearing Senators hoodies but one was a taller blond and the other a slightly shorter brunet. The brunet has a backwards snapback on but that wasn't what made you stop in your tracks. It was his eyes. They were soft and welcoming, something like a home cooked meal, but they had a glint of adventure in them.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry! I wasn’t really looking where I was going. I am so sorry.” You apologized to the blond you ran into.

“Hey, all good. I’m-”

“Number 7.” You turned toward the brunet. “And...number 18, right?” When they both gave you a weird look, you shrugged. “I’m an analyst here so, uh, you’re just numbers to me.”

“Okay, ouch but you are the reason we’re going to be winning more games this season, so I'll give it to you. I’m Brady, and this is Jimmy.” The blond gestured to himself first, before gesturing beside him.

“It’s Tim, actually.”

You introduced yourself to the two players, before looking around the hallways. “Um, would either of you happen to know where the coach is? I can’t find him,” You held up the file folders in your hands. “I’ve got new numbers for him.”

“Oh yeah he’s probably close to the ice, we’ll show you.” Brady started down a hallway, both you and Tim falling in stride behind him. “So Numbers-”

“-Y/n-” You glared at Brady for the nickname, rolling your eyes as he continued on. From your peripheral vision, you saw the corners of Tim's mouth turn up.

“-If you don’t mind me saying….either you look really good for your age, or you aren’t old enough to be working here,” He continued, giving a glance your way.

You looked down at your shoes and gave a sigh. “I get that a lot, and I am young-er than my colleagues but I assure you, I am qualified to work for this organization.”

“Wasn’t doubting that, just seeing how much I get to tease ya. Jimmy’s the rookie,” He elbowed him and Tim tried to swerve around it, only to bump into a stack of pylons. Brady and you shared a grin at his expense. “So he gets all the teasing. Same for the numbers people. You’re the rookie.” He shrugged

“Well, I’m not actually a rookie anymore. This is my second year here,” You mentioned, looking towards the two guys. Brady looked impressed whereas Tim’s eyes went large and his jaw slack a little.

“How?” He asked, and you laughed. The three of you turned a corner, and you walked slightly faster to talk.

“I graduated high school pretty early. And then took my statistics undergrad at the University of Ottawa. I minored in sports studies and I met your GM at a conference for the department. When he found out I was in Ottawa alone, he kinda took me under his wing, checked in every now and again. When I graduated two years ago, he offered me an analyst position and I was lucky enough to land it. I love working here, even if I’m way younger than everyone else. Last year, I stayed in my office a lot, double checking people’s work but this year, they gave me more responsibility. I’m excited for the challenge.”

“You are going to be great.” Tim said, meeting your eyes, his gaze showing that his comment was genuine. You ducked away from his gaze but muttered a ‘thanks’. The three of you rounded another corner, Brady ducking out to talk to a reporter, but Tim said he’d help you find the coach.

You settled into a comfortable silence as you walked beside each other through the chilled hallways. He abruptly took a left turn, cutting you off and causing you to bump into him. You immediately apologized, this being the second time today you’d run into a hockey player.

“‘S my fault, I’m still getting used to the new arena,” He said, a sheepish smile appearing on his face. He nodded his head down the hallway, as a silent ‘after you’ and you started walking. As you got further down, you realized Tim walked you out to the bench. The light became brighter, the air a little crisper, and the floor turned from a concrete grey to a bright red. Your eyes wandered up, admiring the view from down here. You’d be truthful earlier, you’d only ever visited your office. But from down here, you could see everything- the thousands of seats, the banners hanging from the ceiling, the crystal white ice. You stood close to the wall, as if to try to intimidate a fly on a wall, seeing everything as if you weren’t there. You could feel Tim could up from behind you, letting you take it all in for the first time.

“That’s Coach,” He leaned closer to you as he pointed across the ice towards someone in a tracksuit. You nodded and although Tim dropped his hand, he stayed close to you. The coach eventually noticed the two of you and started to skate over to the bench. Tim cleared his throat and you looked at him.

“I got to- I have to go now, but, um, I’ll see you around?” You nodded to his question, a soft smile on your lips. He rocked back and forth on his heels, as if he knew he had to leave but he kept getting pulled towards you. “Good luck with the season.”

“Good luck with yours too.” At that he turned away from you, and you turned to the coach, pulling out your file folder to talk with him.

***

A week or two later and the start of the season was upon the Canadian Tire Centre. The home opener was in a few days and your week had been hectic, trying to get notes from practices and implement what you saw into your analysis. After a morning full of spreadsheets, you decided to take your lunch break in your sanctuary. Last year, the arena felt too big to stick around in on your lunch break. So you had headed outside, where you discovered a small hiking trail about a ten minute drive from work. It quickly became a place where you went whenever you needed to clear your head. And after the morning you had, it was the perfect place to go, so you hopped in your car and started towards it.

At the top of the hill, you put the car in park, grabbed your lunch bag and started towards your spot. It was past the picnic tables that had a nice view of the suburbs, but it wasn't secluded. Your spot was off the beaten path, but there was a small ledge with a perfect view of the arena, highway, and surrounding green spaces. You turn the corner, ducking under a tree branch, ready to exhale the heck of the morning you had.

But there was already someone sitting in your spot. Their head was down, but you recognized the logo and number 18 on their hoodie. Cautiously, you approached him.

“18...Is it okay if I sit here?” You asked, and his head shot up. He shot you a small smile and quick nod. You sat down, placing your bag in front of you, taking out a granola bar.

“You can call me Tim, you know. That is my name,” You gave him a shy smile and you could feel your cheeks heat up at his comment.

“I didn’t think anyone knew about this place, Tim,” You mentioned quietly. It felt weird, to be honest, to be sharing your spot with someone, but it didn’t feel like he was intruding.

“My city in Germany has a lot of parks. There’s a forest near my house where I’d go when I needed a break. This is the closest I could find near the rink. I hope you don’t mind?”

“Just don’t go telling the whole team about our place,” you winked at him and took a bite of your snack.

“I can keep a secret, don’t worry.” He laughed lightly and sent you a smile.

“I don’t know if you remember me but-”

“You’re the analyst, you graduated super early right? Y/n, yeah?”

“Yeah, that’s me,” You smiled at him. “So, how are you liking Ottawa?”

“It’s alright, I haven’t seen very much of it. The ice is very good. My house is nice.” He shrugged and you gaped at him.

“That’s all you’ve seen? So you haven’t been to Parliament Hill or ByWard market or…?” you trailed off when you saw him biting his bottom lip and slowly shaking his head. “Well, you are missing out, you should go see the city sometime.”

“Do you think you could show me around? You seem to know all the best places,” He offered. You met his eyes and nodded. He dug his phone out of his pocket, passing it over to you. You raised your eyebrows at the gesture but he just pushed his phone closer to you. Silently, you imputed your number, placing a small graph emoji beside your contact name. You handed it back to him and a small smirk graced his face when he saw the emoji, before he pursed his lips at the device. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Sorry, it’s all good. Thank you. It’s- I have to go back now, but I’ll text you, yeah?” You nodded as he handed back your phone. He walked towards the parking lot, but turned around to wave at you before he disappeared around the bend.

Later that day as you sat in the stands, a clipboard and pen in your hands, you got a text from an unknown number.

Hi

It's 18 :)

You chuckled at his use of his number and texted him back.

i thought you said i could call you tim? :(

also it’s practice?? how are you on your phone?

It starts in a couple minutes

your teammates are already on the ice

Spying on me already??

it’s literally my job to watch you practice

Guess I'll see you in the stands then :)

Oh and I'm free this weekend for that showing of the city, team bonding’s on friday

i’ll check my schedule and get back to you

now get out on the ice or you’re going to be late :)

***

You had checked your schedule, and agreed to meet that Saturday. You said you’d pick him up since you knew more of the city. You didn't want to be late so you arrived five minutes early in front of Tim's place. He walked out in his signature backwards snapback, some curls poking out the front, and a monochromatic beige outfit. Waving animatedly at you, he jogged to the car, his ever present smile on his face.

The twenty minutes ride into the city was quiet yet comfortable. A few words were exchanged about how each other’s day was so far but nothing groundbreaking. The low hum of the engine filled the silence as you drove into the city.

After parking in a Superstore (‘Free parking in downtown Ottawa is hard to come by, Tim. We’re parking in the grocery store parking lot’) and walking a few blocks, you come to the far end of the market. Lined with local businesses and brick streets, it felt homey. Tim smiled as it reminded him of back home.

“So, what are we going to see first? Your school?” He asked as the two of you walked along the streets. You laughed and shook your head.

“Pfft no. It isn’t all that interesting. I figured we’d see some of my favourite places, if that’s okay?” He assured you it was and the two of you continued through the streets, Tim with his head down as you passed people. He wasn't famous just yet, but in Canada you find hockey fans at every corner. Soon, you arrived in a small plaza with coloured picnic tables and muskoka chairs.

“Ta-da!” You gestured to the large block letters that spelled ‘Ottawa’ in the middle of the space. “It’s not much, but you’ve got to be a tourist in your own city at least once right?” He laughed along with you and you got out your phone, ready to take a picture of him so he could send it to his parents. You thought he would want a picture of him but he was quick to insist you had to be in the picture as well.

“I’m sorry, but would you mind taking a picture of us?” You asked one of the girls who were taking turns with the Ottawa sign.

“Oh sure!” You stood beside him, between the two ‘T’s in Ottawa, his arm slung over your shoulders. You smiled and looked up at Tim to see him smiling as well- and not one of those classic boy coy half smiles, a genuine one. She took a few landscape and a few portrait ones before handing your phone back. “You two are such a cute couple!”

Before you could correct the girl, Tim answered for you. “We’re just friends actually.” She apologized profusely before rejoining her group. You shuffled your feet as an awkward silence overcame you for the first time since you’d met. Your body shivered and you promptly changed the subject.

“Hey, you hungry?” He shrugged and nodded. You nodded and led him away from the sign, through a few back alleys lined with a few merchants, home artists and such. You entered a building, bustling with people. It was long and narrow, with brick flooring and merchants on either side of the middle. There were lots of people, ranging from people doing their weekly grocery shopping to tourists looking for souvenirs. You weaved between strollers and friend groups, Tim grabbing your hand to avoid getting lost. He kept his head low, hoping it would disguise him enough. This day was about you and him, not you, him and the hockey world. Eventually, the two of you exited the indoor market and came to a small opening. Instead of staying in the opening, you turned left, tugging Tim across the street to two small shacks, one red and one blue. The red one had a classic fairytale vibe to it, with beige wainscotting, red painted window frames, and topped with a white and light brown canopy over the window. Underneath the canopy, there was a string of small Canadian flags.

“Do you trust me?” He arched one of his eyebrows but nodded. “I’ll be right back.” Confused, Tim stood there as you walked up the window, spending no time looking at the menu as you ordered. He looked above the shack to see in fancy lettering the word BeaverTails. When you came back, you were holding two paper containers and had a smile on your face. He looked at the sign and then back to the bags in your hands.

“A beaver’s… tail?” You laughed at him and handed him his BeaverTail.

“It’s not actually a beaver’s tail. It’s just a fried pastry that looks like one. They come in lots of flavours but I got you the best one, cinnamon sugar.” You could tell he was hesitant but bit into his and you took a bite of your own.

Almost instantly, he groaned. “Do you take every guy here? Wow. Oh my god,” He got cinnamon smeared over his chin and you laughed as he tried to wipe it off while holding his pastry.

“Hilarious Tim, but I’ll have you know you’re like my only friend here. So… no I don’t take anyone here.” He scoffed and you raised your eyebrows.

“You’re joking. How do you not have other friends? You’re great,”

“I started university as a 16 year math major. It’s not a surprise people didn’t want to talk to me. But it’s okay. I’m used to it by now.”

“Don’t you have people from home come and visit?”

You scoffed. “I don’t really get along with my mum. We moved around a lot when I was younger and I always sorta resented her for not seeing how it affected me. And then, when I got accepted to school out here, she sold the house and started travelling. Last I talked to her, she was in Tahiti.” He raised his eyebrows.

“What about your dad? Or brothers or sisters?” You swallowed your piece of BeaverTail before answering him.

“I have an older sister, Dani. But she’s eight years older than me, so we're not the closest. She checks in every week or so because she knows my mum doesn't. She’s never come out to visit though, she runs her own business back in Seattle.”

“It must be nice to have someone though. Especially when you were growing up. What about your dad?”

“I don’t- I don’t talk about my dad.” You picked at the pastry before changing the topic. “C’mon, you have to see this place.” You gestured to a side street and the two of you made your way towards your favourite destination. You exited beside a taller building and you pressed the button to allow the two of you to cross the street. As you were waiting for the light to turn, you turned to Tim.

“So, I’m guessing you don’t have any siblings then?”

“No, but the guys at the rink were like my brothers so it wasn’t bad.” The light turned red, and the ‘walk’ light turned on. You made your way across, staying close to each other as people walked both ways.

“Hockey tends to do that,”

“Is that why you picked to work in hockey?”

You glared at him as you made it across the street. “That’s personal.”

“We’re friends, aren’t we? Friends share personal stuff.”

“That’s… it’s just different.” You shook your head and lowered the volume of your voice. “Besides, we’re here.” The two of you had stopped in front of some shallow steps that led to a tall archway, with black statues underneath and on top of the arch. It had some engravings on it, both small and large letters. From where they were standing, Tim could make out some numbers, but not well enough to understand the significance. Behind the monument and slightly to the right was the green tipped roof and gothic architecture of the Parliament building.

“What is this place?” He tilted his head as he looked at the arch in the middle of the square. To him, it wasn’t anything special, perhaps another statue of one of the colonizers of the country.

“It’s Canada’s war memorial.” You whispered, and he nodded, clasping his hands in front of his body and lowering his head. “When I was going to school, I’d come here at least once a week.”

His head stayed where it was but he raised his eyes to meet yours. “Why?”

“I know it’s not exactly everyone’s favourite place...because I know so many people died for the country, but for me, it’s a place of silence. Of reflection. It reminds me to be grateful for everything I have. Some days school would be really bad, so this place was perfect to sit and remember that life isn’t bad at all. Not when I was in a safe country, not when I had an education, not when I had a warm house to go back to.”

He nodded. “That seems...perfect. Some days are too loud, there’s too many people saying stuff. I get that.” His voice was quiet as well, as he lifted his head to focus on the stonework and engravings. The two of you stood in silence in front of the memorial for a few minutes more before you tugged on his arm.

“See that building?” You leaned in close to him, your finger extending to point at a building in the distance, a little taller than the ones around it. “That’s the university’s mathematics and physics department. I had most of my classes in that building.” He nodded, leaning in closer to you, your heads almost touching. You lowered your hand and nodded with your head towards the way you came.

“C’mon, we’re not done yet. You’ve got to see the Parliament building.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and headed left towards it. You quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him right. “I’m the tour guide, remember? Trust me, there’s a better view.” You dropped his hand as he started to walk in time with you but you had to shove it in your pocket to replace the heat his hands gave you.

A quick ten minutes walk later and you stood atop a hill overlooking the river. It was a large park with benches and an eccentric art installation in the corner. You walked close to the peak of the hill and stopped, breathing in the fresh air.

“There is Canada’s capital building. It’s nicer to see it from here than from the front where there’s a bunch of tourists. Besides, from here, you get to see more of the architecture.” The building was across the river, its massiveness more pronounced from your viewpoint. There was a dome nearest the river that was covered in flying buttresses, each support beam having intricate details that stood out. The clock tower and green tinted roof completed the gothic look.

“This view is better. Quieter. It reminds me more of home,” You bump your shoulder against his lightly.

“Glad you like it.” The two of you stood in silence until Tim shivered, at which case you decided you should start heading back. If the hockey player was cold, it was cold enough for you too.

The walk and drive back was uneventful, aside from the two of you passing jokes back and forth. When it came to drop him off, he unbuckled his seatbelt but didn’t make an effort to leave the vehicle.

“How much for our snack? I’ll pay you back,”

You waved him off. “It was my treat, don’t worry about it.” He pursed his lips, then shook it. He pulled out his phone from his pocket. A few seconds later, your phone dinged. You glared at him as you opened the text to see an e-transfer. Before you could protest, he cut you off.

“You never said I couldn’t pay for your gas," He laughed, and despite your annoyance at the loophole, you found yourself laughing along with him. He had that effect on you; he seemed to be able to ease any tension you held. “I had a good time today. Maybe we could meet again sometime?”

“I’d like that. I’ll see you at the rink?” He nodded before getting out of your car, waving like he did that morning as you drove off to your place. When you arrived home, you saw a new text from him.

Can you send those pictures you took today?

You tried to suppress a smile, sending them over to which he responded with a ‘Thank youuuu’. You set your phone on your nightstand and turned off the light. Despite your efforts, you fell asleep with a smile on your face from a perfect day with a great person.

***

“Hey, Numbers!” You stopped in your tracks and turned around to see Brady sticking his head out of the dressing room. He had taken a liking to calling you that, especially as you had started hanging around the house more. It was nice, movie nights and sometimes you’d take a pre-game nap with Tim, you had even stayed for lunch at Tim’s request. At this point, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for Brady to shout the nickname from anywhere. Practice had ended and you had given your notes to the coach about what to focus on for the Toronto game. “You didn’t happen to see Jimmy, did you?” When you shook your head, his face scrunched into a small frown.

“Where’d he go? Didn’t media like just end?”

He shrugged. “He didn’t even bother to change from media, he just stalked out. He didn’t say anything to any of the guys, so I thought you might’ve seen him.”

“I’ll keep a lookout for him,” You told Brady before he returned to finish dressing and you returned to your office. But even after you’d settled back into your work, there was a feeling in your stomach you couldn’t quite place. Sending a quick text off to Tim, asking where he was, you dove back into work. But it only took five minutes before you were checking your phone, seeing if he’d read the text or responded. When neither happened, you gave him a call. It sent you straight to voicemail and you hung up before you could leave a message. The feeling in your stomach grew and you packed up your bag, knowing no more work would get done tonight. It wasn’t like Tim to sulk or get in his head; he was a generally happy guy. Something must have set him off for him to be acting this way -- even with you. And if it was something this big, there was only one spot he would’ve gone.

“Brady said you stalked out of media. Figured I’d find you here.” He turned around at the sound of your voice, his shoulders dropping a little. He shrugged, which you took as your cue to take a seat beside him at your lookout space. The sun was setting, the golden hour light reflecting on his stress lines, and the sky was littered with wispy clouds.

Your hands were in the pockets of your hoodie, your legs tucked together. Despite being here for close to six years, the Canadian chill always surprised you. You sat with your shoulder pressed to his, a silent symbol of you being there for him. With his head down, he mumbled something too quiet for you to hear, so you leaned your head down to hear him better. At your movement, he huffed and lifted his head.

“I’m supposed… They wanted me to come and make a difference and to help win games. But I’m not helping! I’m supposed to be putting up points and helping win games, but we’re still losing! Like, why do I suck?”

Your chest got tight at his words. “Tim…”

“You can’t deny it, the numbers say we’re losing.”

“Losing doesn’t mean you aren’t producing. This is your first year in the NHL, you wouldn’t be here if they didn’t think you were worth it. Hockey is a team sport, it isn’t just your job to win the game.”

“But they wouldn’t have gotten me right out of the World Juniors if they didn’t need me to start making an impact right away! They were counting on me. And I’m not living up to it….”

“You are nineteen years old. Nineteen. The five other rookies ahead of you in points are all at least two years older than you. Let that sink in. You have so many years ahead of you. And secondly, no one here is expecting you to turn this team around. McDavid’s first year he didn’t turn the team around. And sure, yeah, the next year, the Oilers had more success but guess what? They missed the playoffs the next three years. Hockey is a team sport, one person, not even McDavid, can completely turn a team around. No one is expecting you to turn this team around in one season. This isn’t on you.”

“But the numbers…”

“Are you going to trust the analyst on the numbers or the assholes on Twitter?” He glared at you but let you continue on. “If you really want to talk numbers, we aren’t last in the league anymore. We’ve beat the top team in the division a couple times now. You’re putting up points, you’re helping us win. Cut yourself some slack. You’re nineteen and living in a new country. This team isn’t expecting you to be Ottawa’s saviour, okay?”

“There’s pressure to be better though! Everywhere I go, I just see how I should be doing more, how if I don’t produce more, I’m going to be a draft bust. I’m the young guy, I’m supposed to be the new blood and be able to make a difference. I feel like I’m letting everyone down.” His words lingered in the sunset glow, a contrast to the darkness he was feeling. You fell silent at his outburst, the air feeling too quiet, even with his heavy breathing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”

You ignored his apology, knowing he would never intentionally hurt you. “I graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I didn’t have enough job experience but my grades were one of the only reasons I was able to get hired so young. My first year, all I did was double check other people’s stats and predictions, and it was okay. No one expected much out of me because I was young and they didn’t really give me any responsibilities. But this year… they’re looking to me more. Teams with more than two analysts are more likely to produce teams that make the playoffs. I’m number three; I should be helping make a better team. But I’m not. I’m not getting the numbers we need or the stats we need. I know more updated methods and technologies but...it’s just not working. I’m not finding solutions to problems that this team has had for years. And the board and my colleagues see that. I know I shouldn’t worry about them firing me, but I still do. I mean, I’m not producing, why would they keep me around? This wasn’t what they wanted when they gave me the job.”

“They won’t fire you, you’re doing your best. And you’re young, you graduated early. They have to give you a chance to prove yourself in the workplace before they fire you.”

“You wanna take your own advice?” He flushed at your words, but you smiled. “Thanks, though.” He nodded and looked out over the suburbs surrounding the arena.

“The pressure in this league sucks.” He said and you leaned your head on his shoulder.

“Yeah. It does. But we’ll get through it right?”

“We’ll figure something out. Together.” He placed his hand on your thigh and the two of you looked out at the sunset, his touch lingering on your body until the sun disappeared behind the horizon. Silently, he helped you to your feet, and walked you to your car, making sure you got in okay, before he got into his car. On the drive home, your chest felt lighter from the conversation.

***

The final buzzer rang, signalling a 4-2 win for the Senators. You smiled at the scoreboard and gathered your papers. The game was nothing spectacular, but for you, it was a career defining game. Some of the lines you'd suggested were risky, but you had the numbers to back it up, and it worked. It worked. The conversation with Tim earlier last week helped with your confidence to take risks in terms of your analytic advice.

You went back to your office after the game, wanting to type up a report of how you impacted tonight's outcome. If it worked this time, who's to say it couldn't work again? But in a higher stakes game? You felt like you were finally contributing to the team, and damn, it felt good.

Your office was barely even that. It was small, but you had a desk, a window, and your name on the door. It was enough for your first major gig. You'd made it a little homey-er with a small succulent and some motivational quotes. You opened up your laptop and began to type up a document report. The words flowed from your fingers and you used the numbers you counted from the box to back up your findings. Time seemed to stand still as you typed, the document becoming longer and longer.

A knock broke your train of thought and you looked up to see Tim poking his head through your office door. He had a shy smile on your face and you shook the writing haze out of your eyes.

"Hey! Come on in," He nodded, closing the door behind him before leaning against the wall. "You played a good game." His cheeks flushed and he lifted his hat, running his fingers through his hair.

"Thanks, thank you. Anyway, did you eat yet?"

"I mean, I had an iced coffee before the game and a granola bar during the second period. So yeah?" Immediately he started shaking his head and he pushed himself away from the wall. You open your hands as if to say 'what’?" and he outstretched his hand to you.

"Coffee and a granola bar isn't a meal. Let's go get some real food, I'm hungry." He made a grabby hand with his outstretched hand and you sighed.

"I have to finish my report, I can't." He sighed, pushed your laptop shut, and grabbed your hand.

"That can wait. Besides, the boys went out and I need a ride home." He flashed you a shy smile and you rolled your eyes, before picking up your bag and leaving your office with him. You tried not to notice how Tim was still holding onto your hand, but as he tugged you along to a quiet area of the concourse, it was difficult to do. He stopped at a small table with two bar stools. He let go of your hand, cold enveloping you, and you hung your bag on the back of the chair. As you hopped onto the chair, he stayed standing, tapping his fingers on the tabletop.

“What do you want to eat?" When you shook your head again, he pulled out his puppy dog eyes. "Tim, seriously, I'm fine."

"I'm getting some fries and you will eat some of them. Deal?" Your face pulled into a frown and he repeated himself. "Deal?"

"Yes, Mom, deal."

He gave himself a self assured smile. "Great. I'll be right back."

A few minutes later he came back with a container of fries and two small containers. He set them down in front of you before he got seated. A closer look at the container showed one was ketchup and the other was…

"Is this mayo?" He picked up a fry, dipped it in the white substance, and popped it into his mouth. With his mouth full, he nodded. "You eat your fries with mayonnaise?"

"You don't?"

"No!" You shook your head. He took another fry, dipped it again, and ate it.

"You have to try it, it's good!"

“No, no thank you. You can keep your weird German eating habits to yourself." You laughed, dipping a fry in ketchup before eating it.

"Nope, you've got to try one. Please?" You scrunched up your nose, and he held out a white coated french fry. You gave in, taking it from his hands and shoving it in your mouth. You chewed it slowly, contemplating the taste.

"It's...not horrible." He raised his eyebrows at you. "Fine, it's alright." He gave you another look, a small smile forming on his face despite his efforts to hide it. "Okay, okay, I like it. Happy?" He let out a loud laugh.

"Yes! I knew you'd like it!" You laughed a little with him, before dipping another fry in the mayo and popped it in your mouth. The two of you ate in silence, the sounds of the zamboni in the background.

"Why didn't you go out with the guys? You had a good game,"

He shrugged. "I wanted something quieter. Besides, I was hungry and the guys wanted to go out to a bar. Bar food isn't exactly a meal."

"Neither is french fries,"

"Well, maybe, you're just better company than the guys."

"Damn right, I am." You smiled, tapped his fry with yours in a makeshift sort of 'cheers' way. When the two of you had finished your snack, you picked up the container and threw it in the compost bin near the table. You grabbed your bag off the chair, holding up your car keys. He got up off the table, joining you in a slow walk towards the parking lot.

You wished the custodians a good night as the two of you left the arena, the street lights in the parking lot illuminating the way to your car. Silently, you unlocked the car and you both got in. You gave him your phone, telling him to pick any playlist he wanted while you started the car. He picked one of your favourite playlists, a mix of relaxing beats and soft music, which was perfect for late night drives.

"You should have some lo-fi on here, it's a lot like this. I think you'd like it," he said, after you had merged onto the highway.

"Yeah?" He only nodded, allowing a comfortable silence to come back to the car. The rest of the drive was easy, the road being mostly empty and the music filling the car. He gave you quiet directions to the house, more points and here's than actual directions but you were able to find it.

"Thank you for the ride," He said, once you’d put the car in park.

"Thanks for sharing your food with me,” He shook his head and smiled at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“I’ll always share with you.” You caught his gaze, his brown eyes filled with sincerity. You could feel your cheeks flush and you waved him out of your car.

“I gotta get home too, you know.” You joked and he got out, popping his head back into the doorway for a second.

“Text me when you get home, yeah?” You murmured an ‘of course’ and he nodded, closing the car door and making his way to his front door. You waited until he entered the house before you drove away, turning on a lo-fi playlist from Spotify.

***

“Your turn to pick the movie, but no subtitles please, I’m too lazy to read today.” You handed Tim the remote for his TV while you pulled the blanket closer to your chin. The October chill had settled in his apartment and you hadn’t dressed for his room to feel like the arena.

“Jimmy!” Someone called from the kitchen and a loud clang dissolved any annoyance Tim had from his roommate interrupting his time with you. He rushed to the kitchen and you followed behind shyly. There were platters across the kitchen island, each with a different coloured dish. It looked like there was a salad, a couple casserole dishes, and some plates of desserts. A taller brunette was standing in the kitchen, frantically gesturing between Tim and a pot on the stove. There was a lid on the ground, a splatter of pinkish red liquid surrounding it. You entered the kitchen, picked up the lid before placing it in the sink. The other guy was still explaining to Tim what exactly he wanted to do, even though his head was tilted like a confused puppy. You brushing him aside llightly, grabbing the spoon Tim was holding to stir the pinkish red liquid on the stove. You sent him a small smile back over your shoulder and all you could see in his eyes was relief.

“Thank you!” The oven beeped and you noticed an embroidered #9 on the roommate's Senator sweats. You moved to the side to allow him to get another baking dish from the oven. He placed it on the stovetop and took off his oven mitts. “Thank you for doing that. I didn’t think he’d be that helpless in the kitchen.”

“I’m surprised anyone in this house can actually cook,” You laughed. The liquid that smelled of oranges and cranberries started to boil, so you reduced the heat and continued to stir it. You look at the baking dish that he brought out of the oven. “Are those brussel sprouts?”

“Yeah! My mom’s recipe; they’re delicious! Do you like them?”

“They’re one of my favourites! My recipe uses bacon though.”

“Oh nice! You’ll have to share it with me, I’d love to try it. And, sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Josh,”

“I know.” He shot you a look and you backtracked. “I-Sorry, it’s just-I actually work with you? I’m in the analytics department, so I know your jersey number and I saw it on your sweats and put two and two together. I’m not being a creep, I’m sorry.” The sound of laughter behind you made you blush.

“Not being a creep my ass. They did the same thing when me and Jimmy ran into them for the first time!” Brady commented, walking into the kitchen. He was wearing a nice pair of dress pants and a button up shirt. You shook your head before nodding towards his attire.

“Going somewhere nice?” He looked down at his outfit and shook his head.

“It’s Thanksgiving? It’s why they gave us the day off?” That...that would explain the amount of food in the kitchen. No matter how many years you lived here, you’d always forgotten that Canadian Thanksgiving was a whole month earlier. You placed the stir spoon on a plate next to the pot and wiped your hands on your pants.

“Oh! Um, right, well, uh in that case, I should be, I should get going. You guys must have plans. Nice to meet you Josh.” You made your way out of the kitchen to the foyer where your coat and shoes were without so much as a goodbye to the guys. You could hear Tim coming after you, his steps lighter and more graceful than Brady or Josh’s. But, he didn’t make a move to do anything except stare at you as you got ready to leave. It wasn’t until you were getting ready to put on your shoes that he spoke.

“You should just stay. We’ve got lots of food.”

“Oh, I don’t want to intrude…”

“Brady’s bringing his girlfriend and a couple other of the guys are coming over. You wouldn’t be intruding.”

“I really shouldn’t…”

“You should. Why won’t you stay?”

“I don’t know if you have this holiday in Germany, but Thanksgiving is a family thing, Tim.” You sighed. “Besides, shouldn’t I have brought something? Am I even dressed okay?” You looked down at your outfit - a simple pair of jeans and one of your comfiest graphic tees. He shrugged.

“Don’t worry about that. You look great, just enjoy the night with me. Stay? Please? C’mon schatz, you’re like my family to me.” The two of you maintained eye contact until you broke it and took off your coat. You could see Tim’s smile widen and when it came to walking back into the kitchen, he extended his arm. You took it and the two of you made your way back towards what would end up being a wonderful evening full of laughs and smiles shared between friends.

***

You had come over for a trashy reality TV binge after a particularly hard day at work. None of the numbers were adding up the way you needed them to and your laptop was having a hissy-fit all day. Soon enough, you called it a day and texted Tim, telling him you’d be over in twenty minutes. He greeted you at the door with your favourite chocolate treat, a box of Timbits, and “there’s popcorn in the microwave right now, it’s almost done”. You could’ve melted right on the spot. Instead, you made your way over to the couch where you collapsed and pulled the blanket he had already set out for you up to your chin. You breathed in the smells of pine and sock tape and felt your body relax. HGTV played in the background while you waited for him to bring the popcorn out when his phone dinged.

“Tim, your phone!” You yelled to him from across the living room.

“Who is it?” You sighed and moved from your comfortable spot on the couch to check his messages. You turned on the phone to see a message from Josh, saying he’s five minutes away. You went to lock the phone, seeing the unimportance of the message but something caught your eye. You swiped to clear the notification and his background came into focus. It was the two of you standing in front of the Ottawa sign at ByWard market, his arm around your shoulders and a grin on both your faces.

“Who was it?” He entered the room as he repeated his question.

“Just Josh,” you whispered, turning around to face him holding up his phone. “Am I your lock screen?” He blushes, opening his mouth stammering for words. “I am! I knew I was important to you.” You poked him a couple times for an extra tease when his face settled into a small pout and he retaliated by tickling you. You shrieked and hopped up from the couch, laughing as he chased you around the house.

“Stop doing that!” He laughed as you escaped his clutches once more. Your laugh echoed through the house as he tried again to try to tickle you, but you grabbed Josh and used him as a human shield.

“No fair schatz,” He relented his tickling and sat on the couch. You took a seat beside him, but kept your distance in case he decided to start his torture again.

“You know, you’ve never told me what that means,” You look over to him and he’s already scratching the back of his neck.

“What what means?”

“That thing you keep calling me. Like shats?”

Josh laughed and spoke up. “It means swe-”

“Friend! It means friend!” Tim interrupted loudly, his cheeks rosy. “It means friend.” You raised your eyebrows at his outburst and his explanation.

“You call your friends, ‘friend’?”

He scratched at his jaw and slowly nodded. “In my city, it’s common for friends to just call each other ‘friend’. It’s normal,” You managed out a ‘okay’ between breathy laughs, wondering why he was being so strange about it. It was just a nickname. But the blush in his cheeks didn’t diminish until well after Josh left the room, muttering under his breath about ‘idiots’, and you couldn’t help but think that maybe it meant more than Tim was letting on.

***

“Are you going to be at the gala on Saturday?” Tim asked you as the two of you ate (lunch for you, pre-practice snack for him) on the concourse. It was your first concourse snack since the All-Star break and you had missed him. WhatsApp messages and Instagram messages just weren’t the same as being in his presence. You finished your bite, and shook your head.

“It’s only for players isn’t it?”

“Would you want to come with me?”

“Like...as a date?” You looked up at him, your eyes wide. Maybe this was the clue you were waiting for.

“As friends?” Your eyes darted down onto the counter and Tim took that as a sign you didn’t want to go with him. “There’ll be puppies there.”

“Well,” you swallowed the lump in your throat, “If there’s going to be puppies, I need no more convincing.” You forced a smile onto your face and he returned the sentiment, before finishing up the food. You wished him good luck before the game, and left to go the the box.

Soon enough, it was Saturday night and you found yourself in front of the Fairmont Château. You gazed up at the stone walls and admired how the orange glow from the lights gave it such a warm feeling, compared to the shivers that were going up and down your back. You had found time to go and get a fancy outfit for the night, its gold fabric being a perfect fit on your body. Tim had told you he’d meet you inside, so walked upt the steps alone, avoiding the other guests in fancy attire. They looked like they belonged here. You couldn't relate. The front entrance of the hotel was exactly as you expected -- it had marble floors, crown moldings, and a domed ceiling. You followed the chatter to one of the conference rooms, someone offering to check your coat. With just your clutch, you entered the ballroom with the sound of your shoes following you.

You looked around to try to find Tim among the executives, easily spotting him when you heard Brady’s booming laugh in the corner. You made your way over to the group, including Brady, Josh, Drake, Tim and some respective dates. Josh waved at you and Tim turned around to see you walking towards him.

Tim stood there, memorized by the way the Senators gold fabric hugged your figure and the way your eyes had lit up when you saw one of the puppies. You came over to him, brushing his arm before joining the group. Hellos were thrown your way and it wasn’t long before everyone went back to their conversations and you were able to speak with Tim.

“You look handsome." You handed him your clutch, which he held unashamedly, as you adjusted his gold bowtie, letting your hands linger on the front of his chest. You gulped before snapping out of your trance and took your clutch back from him.

“Um, uh, thanks. You look...good too,” His voice was breathy and his cheeks had flushed a little. You smiled at him, before noticing another golden retriever stumbling around next to its trainer and darting off to pet it. Tim watched you go and he stood back, blown away by the way his heart was beating faster and how he couldn’t seem to get enough air into his lungs.

“You finally figured it out, huh?” He turned around at Drake’s voice. He had recognized the look on Tim’s face, it was the same one he had when he looked at his partner. Tim furrowed his eyebrows.

“Figured what out?”

Drake scoffed and took a gulp of his drink. “God, you already know and you’re denying it. You’re in love with them.” Tim shook his head, waving off the thought. You were his best friend, nothing more. “C’mon man, you can keep lying to yourself but it’s obvious to everyone else.” He was then swept away by a reporter, leaving Tim to his thoughts.

He wasn’t in love with you. He was sure of it. You were his best friend, his safe spot. It’s not like when he sees you his heart beats faster or he notices how your eyes crinkle when you laugh or when the sun hits your skin just right, you look like an angel. It’s not like the more he looks at your lips the more he wants to know if they taste like your sweet honey lip chap. It’s not like your smile could cure his darkest days or that he could see himself introducing you to his family as his partner.

Except it was like that.

Tim saw all of that with you. He saw more galas, more late night drives, lazy Sunday mornings. He wanted to see you after his games, not in your office, but in the tunnel where you’d be wearing his jersey and a special jean jacket. He wanted to take you home to meet his family, his hometown friends. He wanted to show you all the places that were special to him, just as you showed his places special to you. He wanted to meet Dani and see if she thought he was good enough to be your partner. As he stared at you petting the small golden pup, he realized Drake was right. He was in love with you.

He was in love with his best friend.

Fuck, what was he supposed to do now?

You didn’t give him too much time to think about that as you came up behind him, telling him everything about the golden retriever you just met. He smiled at you, and motioned with his head to find your seats as dinner was going to be served soon. You sat next to him, your leg brushing against his under the table. Even from that, he got shocks-- tiny lightning bolts trailing up his body. It was like every sense was heightened after he came to the realization that he loved you. How am I supposed to even act around them? He thought.

The meal passed without issue and while Tim went about schmoozing all the executives and donors, you stick with the other halves. You had already met Emma, Brady’s partner, and she introduced you to Dakota, Briar, and Marissa (she had also told you who they came with but that information had not stuck with you).

“Sooo… Emma, how’s the wedding planning going?” Briar asked. She had gotten engaged over the holiday break. She laughed and waved off the question.

“Oh, not at all! We’re just enjoying being engaged, it’s like the honeymoon phase all over again,”

“Just like you and Tim,” Dakota nudged you and wiggled her eyebrows. You coughed on your drink at her statement.

“What?” You managed to sputter. Emma looked uncomfortable but didn’t say anything. “What do you mean, like me and Tim?”

“Oh come on, it’s so obvious the two of you are in your honeymoon phase! Don’t be ashamed of it, you’re such a cute couple!”

“Ooh yes!! How his bowtie matched your outfit is like goals, I wish my boyfriend did that with me,” Marissa mentioned. Your voice felt caught in your throat and you were instantly aware of the breeze in the room and the sweat on the back of your neck.

“We’re just friends,” Your voice was small.

“I’ll believe that when pigs fly, babe. Oh, look, here comes your man.” Dakota winked at you before turning into her own date. You turn around quickly to see him walking over to you, laughing with Brady and Josh. Normally, the sight of him would calm you down. He was such a genuine person and you appreciated how you never had to shrink yourself to fit in with him. But with the girls’ comments, you suddenly couldn’t be around him. When his hand met the small of your back, you flinched before relaxing into his touch. It was just Tim, your Tim. It’s not a big deal unless you make it a big deal.

“Timmy, I was just telling Y/n what a cute couple you two are!”

“Well, what do they say? Oh right, they complete me,” He sent you a wink and pulled you closer to his side. You went stiff in his hold, and he noticed, instantly letting you out of his grip. You muttered out an excuse about work and said quick goodbyes to the group before you were out of the gala as fast as your shoes could allow. Your cheeks were hot with...embarrassment? No, that wasn’t quite it. But they were hot, and the room felt small with Dakota’s teasing so just needed to escape. You needed to have fresh air in your lungs, needed to feel the cool Ottawa air on your arms. Needed to be somewhere other than beside him and his light teasing that left your stomach in knots.

But you hadn't even reached the front door and grabbed your coat from the coat check when Tim caught up to you. He watched you try to put on your coat, as he rocked back and forth on his heels like that first day you met.

“Do you… do you actually have work in the morning or were you just saying that?” You looked up and met his eyes, the orbs holding a certain vulnerability you hadn’t seen before.

“I got called at the last minute. I forgot to tell you, Jody’s kid got sick so I’m covering the game on Sunday but I haven’t prepared my notes or anything and you know me, I’ve got to be prepared or I won’t make a coherent analysis and then I’m really in trouble-” Tim cut your rambling off with a murmur of your name and you slowed your frantic movements to look at him.

“We’re okay, right?”

You smiled at him before you walked out the glass door. “Yeah, we’re alright.”

***

Last night was confusing to say the least. You could still feel the heat in your cheeks from...embarrassment? No, it wasn’t that. It was more like you couldn’t stand around to see what he meant by his comment. You couldn’t stand around why everyone else say you as a couple when you knew you weren’t. But you were okay with not being a couple weren’t you?

It’s like not you liked him that way. Yeah, a simple smile from him could turn your day around and your concourse snacks were the highlight of your week. But that’s because he was your best friend. It’s not like you wanted to spend every morning waking up to him or spend your afternoons running your fingers through his hair. It’s not like you wanted to take him back to Seattle to meet Dani or how you wanted to wear his jersey to call him yours. It’s not like you daydreamed about him gently holding your hand as you walked through ByWard market or how soft his lips would be as he leaned in to kiss you or what his abs felt like without a shirt separating your fingers from his skin.

Except it was like that.

And then came the comment at the gala. Did that mean he liked you too? But he said you were just going as friends. Did he mean it platonically? What if you read things wrong? Fuck, why were feelings so complicated?

Dani, you needed to call Dani. She’d know what to make of all this. She picked up on the fourth ring. “Thanks for calling Books By The Ocean, may you please hold?”

“Dani, it’s me.” Hold music filled your ear and you rolled your eyes. A few minutes later, there was almost certainly a hole in your rug from your pacing and she finally picked up.

“Why’d you resort to calling the store? I would’ve answered my phone eventually,”

“Yeah, eventually. I just really need to talk to you now,”

“Okay, so what’s up?”

“There’s this guy…”

“Is it Tim? Please tell me it’s Tim.” When you didn’t answer, she rejoined before reeling it in and telling you to continue.

“Anyways...we’re pretty good friends, I've known him since like the start of the season, and I don’t know, like I think he likes me? And I mean, I like him, he’s really great but, like, I just-”

“Can you get to the point please?”

“I want to take the next step with him. I want to be more than friends with him. I want all those things but… I just seem frozen. Like when I think about telling him, my body feels like it won’t move. It feels like I’m underwater. But I want to do more with him. I want that. Why won’t my brain get that and let me… I don’t know, let me act on my feelings?”

“You’re protecting yourself. You’ve never got hurt before,” You scoffed at her statement.

“What do you mean, of course I have,”

“Okay, sure, when you scraped your knee or when Nancy Peters called you dumb in second grade but you haven’t got hurt before. You haven’t opened yourself up to someone and let someone into your heart and let them see you for who you are.”

“Well, yeah, okay, but that’s because they might not like what they see,”

She sighed. “You can’t go through life with your walls up, kiddo. It’s hard, but you have to trust yourself. You have to let yourself feel. You have to let people in. When we were little and moved around a lot, maybe it was a survival tactic. But you’ve been in Ottawa for close to five years now and have unpacked all your boxes? Have you had any friends over? You’ve put down roots there but you’re still holding onto a survival tactic when you need to be living, not just surviving.

“I let people in--”

“No. You don’t. Has Tim ever been in your apartment? Has he seen that even though you resent Mom, you still have family photos of the four of us in your living room? Does he know about Dad? You might have told him stuff but you’re still living behind walls.” She sighed.

“Look, I don’t mean to be hard on you, but I want to see you thrive kiddo. I want you to experience life, and yeah, hurt is a part of life. You aren’t doing life right if you come out unscathed. And sure, maybe he’s a great friend. But in some instances, that romantic partner can fill a more emotionally secure place. People usually place more trust in their partner than just a friend. You’ve got to open up to him more than you already have if you want more from him.”

“How do I do that?”

“You’ve got to figure that out on your own kiddo, but it probably wouldn’t hurt to talk to him. Honestly; no hiding behind your friendship.” You nodded to her advice, before realizing she couldn’t see you, and thanked her for her help. She hung up with the promise to chat again on Wednesday like you normally did. You threw your phone beside the sink and leaned your head against the cool counter.

Be honest with him

Okay, you could do that. Easy enough right? You just had to make a plan to tell him. You could do that.

***

You were walking through the halls close to the bench to deliver your latest stats to the coach. It was your job after the other analysts determined you “had the youngest feet” and could go scouring around to find the coach. You didn’t mind. Besides… if you just happened to bump into Tim while you were down here, well then that was a completely unplanned coincidence. Since the gala and your chat with Dani afterwards, you were feeling good about where you stood with Tim. And you’d made your plan. After the game, you’d meet up for after-game snacks like most home games and you had told yourself you’d talk to him then.

You had given the latest report to the coach on the bench, walking past the locker room towards the box when you heard Tim's voice.

“...I don’t know man, I just need a break from Y/n.” You stopped in your tracks. It wasn’t that you meant to be nosy, but at the mention of your name… you wanted to see what else he had to say. You hadn’t meant to smother him but you guess he saw it differently. Your shoulders dropped and you bit your lip.

“I only have a problem around them!” You could feel the breakfast in your stomach start to turn, the feeling of bile starting to rise up. A ringing started to fill your ears, the white static noise only being pieced by his once comforting voice.

“It’s just… We work together, you know? It’s awkward,” Where was this attitude when you were hanging out at the start of the season? Last week? If this is how he felt, why didn’t… what did he mean by his comment to Dakota?

His voice shook you out of your trance. “Like at the end of the day, I’m me… they pay me a lot to play my game and they’re...them.” At that, you rushed away from earshot. If that was how he really felt, then screw him. If he was the hockey star and you were just the analyst, then that’s what role you’d play. Nothing more, nothing less. And he wasn’t brave enough to say that to your face, you’d say it first.

This is why you didn’t open yourself up. If you were going to get hurt either way, it might as well be the least damaging option.

Over the next few games and practices, you kept your distance from the players. You avoided the bench, sending Jody to give reports to the coach. You kept your office door closed, the blinds closed, and you made sure to time your exits of the arena to avoid Tim. If avoiding him meant you avoided the inevitable conversation where he would tell you your flaws and point out every way you misread things, then you would do that.

After you heard that, you stopped going out of your way to pass by the boys in the arena. You went into your office, closed the door, and didn’t leave until you went home. When you had to sit in the stands for practices, you sat higher than you used to and ignored the waves and stared you got from the team. He sent the occasional text but you replied with an im busy too many times that he stopped trying. It was odd to you how he kept reaching out when he was the one who said he needed a break but you ignored that voice in your head.

It was a Friday when he finally confronted you. You had been so close to leaving the arena, just one more hallway, and you would’ve been out the door and into the parking lot. He had called your name and you tried to turn the corner without him but he caught up easily, grabbing your wrist to get you to stay.

“What’s up? It feels like I haven’t seen you in forever,” He let go of your wrist as you turned to face him.

“Well that’s what happens when you’re a bigshot NHL player and I’m a lowly analyst.” He squinted his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows at your statement.

“What?”

“Look, I don’t-- I don’t think we should be friends anymore,”

He slowly nodded, thinking your words over in his head. “Okay. Um...I think… yeah, that could be good. I don’t think we should be just friends either.” He shot you a shy smile with a spark of hope in his eyes but you frowned.

“Good. It’s settled then.” You turned on your heel and walked away from him, only wiping your teary eye once you had rounded the corner, refusing to let him see you cry. You missed the way he frowned as you retreated.

The weekend was spent in bed, repeat episodes of Loki playing in the background. Loki never hurt you the way Tim had, the way his words dug into your insecurities of being alone creating a wound like no other. You had turned your phone off earlier as it kept buzzing with messages from him. You didn’t want to hear his excuses of why and you didn’t want to explain that you’d overheard his conversation. But the season wasn’t over yet so you gave yourself two days to grieve. When Monday morning came, it was like nothing had ever happened.

Tim caught you in the main entrance way at the rink. It was close to 8am and you knew he didn’t have practice until 11, so it was obvious he was waiting for you. You walk right past him until he softly calls your name and you stop walking, but don’t turn around. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“You know why.” You whipped around and scoffed at him. “And you know what else? If you had a problem with me, you could’ve just said something. You didn’t have to keep hanging out with me.”

“What?”

“I think we should just keep this professional, 18. I’m nothing more than a background analyst to your hockey superstar, so let’s just stick to our jobs, yeah?”

“What are you talking about?”

“We work together, we shouldn’t be friends, you said it yourself. It’ll be better this way. Now, please, just leave me alone.” You brushed by him, bumping your shoulder with his, and you missed the way his jaw fell open at how quickly your relationship seemed to change.

He seemed to leave you alone after that. He didn’t check in and he didn’t send funny memes he found. He didn’t text you to tell you he landed safely on road trips and you didn’t congratulate him on a game well played. You could tell Brady and Josh thought it was weird but didn’t say anything, just gave you pitying looks when you passed by or caught their eye in the halls.

The Senators failed to clinch a playoff spot, thanks to an overtime loss to Winnipeg. The end of the season for you was nice. It meant a shift in your work to more prospects, and thankfully, a more flexible work schedule. You didn’t have to go into the arena and most of the players went back to their hometowns to visit. It was supposed to be a reprieve for you, knowing Tim wasn’t even in the country. It was supposed to be relaxing, going to all the places that had helped you in the past to regroup your thoughts.

But instead, it felt suffocating, strolling through the market. You’d been here thousands of times to clear your head, but this time the deeper you walked, the more the thoughts in your head swirled into a hurricane.

You’d never know what home felt like. You’d had friends tell you it’s having like extended family over around the holidays or it’s the peacefulness they felt at their lake house. You thought you had found it in Ottawa, its quaintness and history bringing you a sense of calm you hadn’t had before. But only with Tim did you feel that inner peace that home felt like. Only with Tim did you feel like you could take on the world. Only with Tim did you feel whole.

And that was scary.

Feeling like one person could complete you, like they had a piece of your heart you didn’t know you gave them, was scary. You were used to being on your own. You’d done it throughout your levels of schooling and throughout the beginnings of your career. And all it took for that strength to come crashing down was a bashfully confident German hockey player.

He couldn’t even tell you why. It would’ve hurt more to hear the exact reasons why you weren’t good enough for him, but it would have quelled your mind from picking on every single insecurity your mind could come up with.

Before you knew it, you were staring at the Ottawa sign. You glanced around to see couples waiting for their turn at the sign. Some of the guys had their arms around the shoulders’ of their girlfriends. Some of the girls had their hands clasped in their girlfriends’. Some people had their arms around the waist of their partner. But they all had a smile on their face, a fondness that was reserved for the love of their life.

Your eye caught the sight of a backwards Senators cap and your head whipped around. The person was tall and was wearing a grey hoodie. The man turned to the side and you caught a glance of the brown tufts of hair that stuck out of the cap. He threw his head back and the corners of your mouth turned up. Tim’s laugh was always infectious, even if you were upset with him.

But it wasn’t him.

He hadn’t reached out since the day in the hallway. As much as you knew you didn’t want to hear him say things more hurtful than what you overheard, you couldn’t help but wonder where you went wrong. The what-ifs tumbled around in your head, the possibilities of why suddenly your friendship was too much for him.

As you stood there in the market, the memories racing through your mind mixed with images of happy couples all around you, you knew you had to get out. You don’t really remember the rush of leaving, all you know is that the city that felt big for so many years now felt too small. You can’t go anywhere without being reminded of him, his smile, his laugh. How his eyes glimmer from the light of a movie. You drove yourself to the airport, knowing there wasn’t going to be a cab this early in the morning.

Before you knew it, you were standing outside of the familiar blue painted bookstore with your duffle bag in your hands. It was raining and overcast in Seattle, which wasn’t unusual, but even the fat teardrops felt melancholic. The sign in the window said closed, but you knew Dani would be in the back, organizing new stock. You knocked on the window, the sound rattling through the worn building. A few seconds later, her head of light pink hair came to the door, opening it. Before she could question your presence, you spoke.

“He didn’t want me,” you cried. “He didn’t even see all of me and he didn’t want me.” You dropped your bag as she pulled you into a hug. One hand cradled the back of your head as she pulled you out of the rain and into the store. You inhaled her scent, a mix of sea salt and the old bookstore, and squeezed her tightly. When she released you from the hug, she tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, her fingers grazing down your jaw. She gave you a soft smile, before walking to the back of the store, where her apartment was. Your shoes squeaked against the old hardwood floors as you followed her towards the kitchen, where you could smell a pot of tea brewing.

She was silent as she poured you a cup, kissed your head, before whispering everything was going to work out. She slipped out of the room, giving you your space.

You didn’t even have to ask. Dani let you stay with her for the summer, as long as you helped out around the store when you weren’t doing your own work. She didn’t push you for details about Tim, she just let you be. You tried your best to be cheery around the customers but that facade only lasted so long. When you were alone, you didn’t try to hide the emptiness you felt there.

***

Too soon did the days start to get shorter, the nights colder, the pitter-patter of raindrops became more constant which meant fall was coming. The season was starting up again, and you had to head back to Ottawa. This summer at home was a nice break but you knew that running away wasn’t going to solve all your problems. You were packing when a text from Josh came in.

So when are you getting in?

i land at 9pm on the 20th. Why?

Can’t I wonder when my friend gets into the city?

we’re friends?

Of course we are Numbers! I don’t share family recipes with just anyone :)

good to know thanks :)

You continued packing, thinking about what he said. You knew the two of you were friends, but he was Tim’s teammate. His roommate. To hear him say, regardless of where you and Tim stand, that you two were still good was a relief. As much as you’ve enjoyed your time away from the city, you missed work. You missed sitting in the arena, a brisk chill over your shoulder, the sounds of scraping ice and whistles. You missed the quaintness of Ottawa and, as much as he’d never let you forget it, you missed Josh’s cooking. Nights with Dani didn’t compare to nights with Brady (and sometimes Emma) and Josh.

Dani parked in the loading zone of the airport. She got out of the car to help with your bag, even though you had only brought one.

“Hey, listen, um. I know you don’t want to talk about what happened with Tim but… I think you need to talk to him.”

“Dani...”

“No, listen. I think you need some closure. You ran away from a city you haven’t left in five years, a city you so obviously love, because it hurt to think about him. Maybe closure means you talk to him. Maybe it doesn’t. But you’ve spent this whole summer looking lost, like you’re waiting for something to magically appear and make everything better. You look like you’ve lost a piece of yourself and you don’t know how to get it back. And that’s not you, kiddo. It’s never been you; you’ve always been so straightforward and sure of yourself. I want you to feel like yourself again, that’s all.”

“What if…” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “What if the piece of me that I lost isn’t something I can get back?”

“Then you fill it. It might not be perfect and maybe you need lots of tape, and maybe you accept that there will be small cracks in it, but those holes make your souls yours. It’s a part of life, and you can’t avoid it no matter how hard you try.” You pulled her in for a hug, some of the tears in your eyes dropping onto her shoulder.

“Thank you Dani. For everything.” She pulled back to wipe the tears from your face, a smile on her face.

“You know I’m always here for you, kiddo. Take care of yourself, okay?” You nodded, knowing if you spoke again, more tears would bubble over. You walked towards the departures gate, walking towards the reality you ran from.

Several hours later, you were happy to be back in Ottawa. You had missed it, as much as it pained you when you were here. Tim Hortons, bilingual signs, friendly smiles, and oh god you could have real poutine again. Yeah, it was nice to be back.

Dani’s words mulled over in your head throughout the flight, and continued to as you made your way through the airport. She was right, maybe you needed closure. Accept what happened and move on. You’d lost friends when you graduated early, you’d lost friends when you moved away. You’d lost friends before and this was no different.

Except you knew deep down it was different. It was Tim; it was always going to be different with him.

You shook your head, as if to physically rid yourself of the thought. If Tim didn’t want to be around you, then you weren’t going to waste your time waiting for him to show up. You’d suck it up everything you had to look at a stat, but other than that you’d focus on work, focus on proving yourself in the company. You started to walk towards where you’d parked your car (without wondering how much the parking was), ignoring the happy reunions of students and families. You had been perfectly fine being in Ottawa on your own until you realized how much better it could be when you had someone.

A hand grasped your wrist and instantly, you turned around and ripped your arm from the stranger. You looked up, first to see a bouquet of flowers made up of peach roses, white tulips, and hydrangeas. Behind the colours of the flowers, you see a familiar face, eyes full of sorrow and hope. Even when you were ignoring him, he was still so easy to read.

“Number 18.” You struggled to keep your voice even, but you lifted your head to appear as if he had no effect on him.

“Hi Y/n,” He met your eyes, which you quickly darted away. “These are for you.” He tried to hand the bouquet to you, but you shook your head.

“How did you know when I got in?” The coldness in your voice surprised Tim, but he didn’t show it, swallowing slowly before answering you.

“Josh told me." You folded your arms, your hands gripping your bag in case you needed to get away from this conversation.

“Josh mentioned it or you asked Josh?” When he didn’t answer, you knew it was the latter and scoffed at his sneaky actions. You quickly turned away from him and moved faster towards the exit. You heard him sigh from behind you and before you could make a sly comment about it beneath your breath, he was ahead of you, blocking your way. You tried to side-step him, but hockey reflexes prevailed. You glared his way and tried again, silently begging him to move.

“C’mon, you have to talk to me sometime, we work together,” He commented.

“That’s exactly it. We work together. You’re the high and mighty NHL superstar and I’m the nerdy analyst. We have our places. They don’t mix, so really I don’t have to work with you at all. So, please, if you could just move, I have nothing else to say to you.” You tried once more to step around him, but he lightly grabbed your forearm to stop you.

“But I have stuff to say to you.”

“You had months to say it, so I’ll say it again, please let me by.” Suddenly, he was on his knees in the airport, the flowers still outstretched in his hands.

“Y/n,”

“What are you doing?” You hiss to him, your face darting around to see people starting to stare at Tim’s grand gesture.

“I need you to talk to me, and you won’t, so I’ll beg until you agree to hear me out,” You could feel more people staring, the shutter of camera phones, the eyes of everyone in the Ottawa airport (or what felt like it) easily making up your mind. There was a reason you were an analyst, away from the spotlight, doing your work behind the scenes.

“Get up,” you started to pull on his arm, but he just stayed anchored to the ground.

“You’ll talk to me?”

“18, I will do anything as long as you stop making a scene,” At this point, your cheeks felt as if you’d stood under the beating sun for an hour. He got up from his knees, the flowers still outstretched in his hands, and you let go of his arm. You grabbed the flowers from his arms, dropping them in a garbage bin as you stalked out of the airport. Tim caught up to you and walked by your side.

You said nothing as you reached your car, unlocking the doors. You didn’t even wait for him to have his seatbelt on before you were backing out of the stall and driving away. Thoughts were running wild in your head; you were angry and embarrassed at the stunt he pulled at the airport, appalled at the audacity he had to show up after what he said, and last of all you were reluctantly happy to be back in his presence again. So you went to the one place you knew you could think.

You put the car in park overlooking the suburbs. You turned it off and rested your arms on the steering wheel. You couldn’t make the effort to get out and walk to the lookout spot, the car creating a safe bubble for your thoughts.

“Why won’t you talk to me?” His soft voice broke the tense silence in the car and you scoffed.

“We’re not friends anymore. You’re the Senators star player and I’m just the nerdy analyst. There’s no reason for me to need to talk to you.”

“See, you keep saying that but I-I don’t get it! What does that even mean?” You furrow your eyebrows as you turn to face him, his own face scrunched up and his eyes hard.

“What do you mean you don’t get it? You said that! The last game against Montréal? I was walking past the locker room and… I overheard you talking with the guys.” You looked down to your lap, findling with your hands. You briefly saw Tim’s hand start to move towards you, but you shook your head and it stayed in his lap. “You said you needed a break from me. You said that ‘at the end of the day they pay me a lot to play my game and they’re.. them’. You said you had a problem with me. What was I supposed to take from that except that you didn’t want me to be in your life?”

He stammered for words but you cut him off. “No, I don’t think you understand how much it hurt. Hurt to have the one person who I thought understood me to talk behind my back about how I wasn’t enough for them. It hurt to know that the one person who I always wanted to talk to, didn’t want to talk to me. Hurt to think that you’ve only ever seen me as just some nerdy analyst who has no place in your life. I had been fine before, without you in my life, but then you came in and knocked down every barrier I ever had. And then left as if you didn’t just break my life into pieces!

“I left Ottawa because it hurt too much to go to all my favourite places, because I went there with you. I let you into my safe spaces, and when you left, you shattered that security. You tainted all the good I had there. I thought that Ottawa was home before I met you,” you scoffed. “Not even close. You feel like home to me. And for you to say that I was a problem in your life?” You shook your head at him and looked down at your hands. “I tried to get over it, believe me I did. But every single place I went I was reminded of you… and how everything we had didn’t feel like a big deal to you.”

“I never meant for that to happen.” His voice was quiet and strained, as if he was trying to keep his emotions within him.

“You know the hardest part? I didn’t just have to get over losing my best friend. I had to get over someone I fell in love with! I lost the single most important relationship with one tiny little passing conversation. And you acted like nothing happened! Like we were still friends, like you still cared for me-”

“Ich liebe dich du trottel!” His outburst caught you off guard and you gulped. His heavy breathing was the only sound in the car as you whispered.

“You know I don’t speak German…”

“You don’t need to know German to know what I said,” His eyes were hard, a look you had only seen during games.

“Oh.” You shook your head and looked at him. “Wait what?”

“I didn’t say those things you think I did! You didn’t listen to the whole thing! Brady was teasing me about me saying I don’t have a problem talking to people I like and I don’t normally but you’re the exception! I needed a break from you because everytime I see you, my heart starts beating faster and my hands get sweaty and I don’t know how to act! And the guys said that sounds like I’m in love with you-- and I am! I am! But when I finally started to do something about it, you ran away from me! I didn’t know what to do. Besides, if I fell in love with you...it could mess with our jobs. Because if for any reason, something happens, they’d fire you before they’d ever trade me. And you’ve worked too hard to have an opportunity like this be taken away from you because of me. So... I didn’t know what to do. And then you just kept ignoring me and saying those things about how you’re just a nerdy analyst…. It felt like we weren’t on the same page anymore and I didn’t know where it came from or what to do either so I tried to give you space. But then you shut me out. And you said we shouldn’t be friends. So I thought that meant.... you wanted to be more than friends? And the boys were saying that you being mean to me was just you having a hard time having feelings for me but then you… uh, yelled at me so I left you alone. But that doesn’t mean I stopped thinking about you.” He placed one of his hands on top of your tentatively, giving you the option to shoo his hand away. When you didn’t, he rubbed the skin on top of your hand. “It never meant I stopped caring about you.”

He sighed. “I guess I see now that I should not have given you space. I should’ve been better for you because that’s what you deserve.”

“I could’ve been better too, this isn’t all your fault. I said some mean things.”

“I promise you, that when we’re together I’m not a NHL player. I’m just me… just Tim from Germany who likes hockey. You have always seen me for who I am, and that’s...that’s something I love about you.”

Your breath got caught in your throat. Love… was a big word. Love was for confident people. Love was for those who didn’t understand the weight of that four letter word. Love wasn’t a word you threw around. Love was scary. It asked you to place your bandaged heart in someone else’s hands and hope they didn’t drop it, shattering the pieces into smithereens. Love meant letting down those walls that time and time again had proved that needed to stay up. To protect you. To avoid the heartache of broken trust.

And here he was, throwing that word around as if the implications didn’t matter. As if he didn’t leave. As if he didn’t call you a problem. As if he didn’t know the months you spent trying to forget him and the fragments he left behind.

As if he still wasn’t understanding.

“I… I can’t do this.” You go to open the car door only for it to lock. You gasp, and you whip your head around, your eyes sharp. “This is my car, you can’t do that!” His eyes went wide and you tried again, only for it to be locked again. You gritted your teeth and he spoke before you could reprimand him again.

“Don’t shut me out again! You say you can’t do this, okay, but tell me why. We’re supposed to-to talk to each other! We would’ve had no mess if you had just talked to me after you heard what I said! So.. talk to me,” You met his soft eyes, your resolve breaking with just one look. “Please, schatz.”

You slowly pulled your hand off the handle, letting it fall into your lap. You picked at your fingernails while trying to compose your thoughts, Tim’s concerned eyes never leaving you. He murmured your name and you took a deep breath, steadying yourself.

“I’m sorry I just- I don’t know if I can jump back into where we were. I know that… it’s different than I thought but I can’t-” you cut yourself off before you said something you regret and a cold chill ran through you. “It still hurts. I can’t just unhear those things you said. Especially when they came from you. So, I’m going to need time to process everything.”

He placed one of his hands over your fidgeting fingers and you lifted your head to meet his soft eyes. “I’ll give you some space. Just let me know when you know, yeah?” Before you could nod your head, he had opened his door and got out of your vehicle. You quickly got out to question him.

“What are you doing?” He turns around at the sound of your voice.

“I’m… I’m giving you space?”

“How are you planning to get home? Uber?” He shrugged before nodding, with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Uh, no. No. Get in.” He raised his eyebrows and you sighed. “It’s almost 11pm, we’re in a dark forestry area, and you are the least threatening person I know. I’m not going to let you get stabbed by some murder psycho; you still mean something to me, you know.”

At that he came over to the car, and the two of you got settled back into your seats. After you buckled up and started the engine, Tim broke his silence.

“Did you mean that? That I still mean something to you?”

You swallowed slowly and took a while to answer his question, your hand resting on the gear shift. You put the car in reverse, and looked over at him. “You’re always going to mean something to me. Just what exactly you are changes.” You backed out of the parking lot and started the drive to his place. He was quiet for a few minutes, pondering your answer, but when he spoke his voice had the quiet confidence he always carried around with him.

“Can I ask what I am right now?” Streetlights illuminated his face and out of the corner of your eye you see him slightly turned towards you, his face unsure.

“No. I’ll keep you updated?”

“Good enough.”

The rest of the drive back to his house was quiet, aside from the lo-fi beats you had playing in the background. Despite the tension, the drive felt comfortable. When you parked in front of his house, he cleared his throat.

“Um, thank you for the ride. I’ll see you around I guess,” He unbuckled his seat belt and placed his hand on the handle.

“Goodnight Tim.” Despite your smile, Tim really hoped your goodnight didn’t also mean goodbye. He got out of your car, walked up the steps to his door, unlocked it and gave you a small wave before he went inside.

Tim was true to his word. He gave you space. He didn’t go back to the lookout spot or the war memorial, knowing those were your sanctuaries before they were his. He didn’t ask for updates, he didn’t stop by your office, he didn’t ask Josh how you were doing.

And you appreciated it. The time and space left you alone with your thoughts and you often visited the lookout spot or the war memorial, trying to find some peace, but those spots were now shared with Tim. So, for the first time in a long time, you spent time in your apartment.

When you moved in, you hadn’t done anything to the place. Spaces were temporary in your experience. It was more hassle than it was worth to try to make the space your own if, in a year everything was a clean slate. But Dani was right. It had been close to six years now since you moved in. Six years. You had a stable job, you had friends here, it was time to accept that maybe this was more than temporary.

You started by unpacking the last few boxes that were stacked in the hallway. You replaced the command hooks hanging your picture frames with nails. You got new paint to liven up the living room from the basic beige it was before. You put the work into making your apartment really yours. You had to stop living behind walls and this was a first step.

The next step was to really open up.

***

You were waiting outside the dressing room for Tim to get out. You came down as soon as practice finished so you knew you wouldn’t miss him. You leaned against the cool concrete, trying to control your bouncing leg. He was one of the last out of the dressing room and you shyly smiled at the other players who left. When he came out, you popped off from the wall and stood in front of him.

“Do you still want to know why I picked hockey?” You could tell your question caught him off guard but he nodded nonetheless. “You had asked and I brushed it off...because it hurt to think about. Because it was my dad...He loved hockey. Everywhere we went, there was a team he could cheer for, but he always wished that his hometown team would win, no matter how bad they were. He took me to a game once. I had asked why he liked it so much, it was cold and loud and people were drunk and I’m pretty sure our team was losing. We were down in the crowd and he said to me, ‘Hockey is this great sport. It connects people. It creates families right before your eyes. Enemies can become teammates. This...this sport can be a family for you, anywhere you go. I hope one day you can find something that does the same thing for you.’ Two weeks later, he had a heart attack. So, I held onto the one thing that he found belonging in. I liked my math, it made sense, and I’m good at it. But when it came to doing something with my life, I just- I wanted something to make my dad proud of me, you know? I wanted to feel connected to him.”

Tim was silent but he pulled you into a hug, your head going into the crook of his neck. His arms went around your waist and he held you for a minute. “Your dad would be proud of you. I know he would. Why’d you tell me now though?”

“Well, friends share personal stuff, right?” You pulled away from the hug just enough to catch his eyes. You looked up at him hopefully, and he smiled.

“Yeah, they do.” He broke the hug, but kept an arm slung over your shoulder. “C’mon, friends also eat brussel sprouts for each other.” You laughed at his distaste for them and the two of you walked out the parking lot together, his arm still slung around your shoulders.

***

You looked up at the ceiling, your bedsheets twisted beside you. It had been about two weeks since you told Tim about your dad, and since then, the two of you had been exchanging texts daily. It felt familiar, even though both of you knew it was different. Not a bad different, just… different. You’d been over to his place a couple times and he came over for your place for a ‘welcome back’ dinner.

You were nervous to show him your apartment, but you knew you had grown into the space. It was no longer generic beige walls and command strips. The living room had an accent wall and you put nails in the wall to hang your family photos in the hallway. Tim took his time looking around your space, spending extra time in the hallway. He stopped in front of the picture of your family, all four of you, and smiled.

“My parents are coming into town when we play the Caps in December, if you want to meet them?” He had said when you sat down to eat. You sputtered your drink a little and set down the glass.

“Only if...you meet Dani when we go to Seattle in January?” His face broke into a grin and he nodded.

“I’d love that.” The rest of the dinner had no issues, just two friends catching up and getting familiar with each other again.

But he wanted you to meet his parents. He wanted you to meet the people who raised him, his family. And you didn’t have any hesitations. You wanted to meet the people who made Tim who he is.

This past week solidified that you knew what you wanted. You wanted to meet Tim’s family, you wanted to show him around Seattle, you wanted to be with him. If he still wanted to be with you.

If.

He had been pretty clear where he stood on his feelings, but the voice in the back of your mind taunted you with that one tiny two letter word. He might have seen how you reacted, how unstable you were, and how you weren’t ready to jump into things as a sign you didn’t want this. He could’ve taken your steps to being friends again as being just friends again. He could’ve-

You weren’t going to wait around to let what-if’s and might of’s and could’ve’s waft around in your head. You needed to talk to him, needed to see him. So in your pajama pants and a hoodie, you braved the Canadian night and drive to his house. You parked the car, rather haphazardly, but it could wait. You skipped a step walking up to his door and quickly phoned him.

You paced back and forth on the small porch as the phone rang three times before he picked up.

“Hallo?” His accent was thicker in his native language, the harsh constants sounding so soft from his lips.

“Can you come open the door?”

“What?”

“I’m outside. Can you open the door?”

“What? It’s like...early,”

A sigh escapes you. “Tim. I know. I know now.”

“Well if you looked at a clock before you left your place, you would’ve known earlier. That would’ve-”

“Tim.” You gulped and your voice trembled slightly. “I’m ready. I know what I want.” The tone of your voice dropped its lightheartedness and that alone was enough to shake the sleep from his mind. But your words? More than enough to get him out of bed and racing (as quietly as he could in the dark) towards you.

He opened the front door in his sleep joggers to see you pacing and shaking your arms. You hadn’t noticed him yet, so he took the opportunity to admire you. The way your hair fell, your Senator pajama pants that Brady gave you as a gag gift, the way you bit your lip between your teeth.

“Hey.” His voice broke you out of your trance, your head whipping around to see him standing in the doorframe.

“Hi.” Your voice was quiet, the nerves getting the best of you. You stood there for a while, just looking at each other. His hair was a mess and he was wearing the grey hoodie you knew for a fact was his favourite. “Oh, right, I have to go first. Um...Are- are you still sure about your feelings for me?” He nodded. “And-and they’re for sure, good feelings?”

“… They’re such good feelings.” You nodded and gave your body another shake through, as if to dissipate the nerves racing throughout your veins.

“I know it’s taken me a while to kinda sort everything out but… I like you too. That’s why hearing those things hurt so much. That’s why I had to take some time. I've been alone for most of my life and it was scary to let someone in so easily, unknowingly. You just waltzed in and made yourself at home in my heart and it felt like you belonged so I… I didn’t even realize you could hurt me. And when I heard those things, it hurt more. It just solidified that I should’ve stayed alone. You can’t get hurt if there’s no one to hurt you right? But every talk, every late night drive, everything we had...it was worth all the hurt. So I’m ready. I want to do this with you, even if it hurts. I don’t know if I can do life without you.” He pushed himself off of the doorframe and came to stand in front of you, his hand cupping your cheeks, soothing the skin under your eyes.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you and I don’t plan on doing it ever again, Y/n, you have to know that.” You nodded against his hands and you could feel some of his tension fade from his body. “Does this mean… we could be more than friends?”

“I want to be much more than friends with you, Tim.” You bit your lip to try to stop your smile from growing so wide, but it broke through when you saw how wide his smile was and how his eyes crinkled with joy.

“Does this mean I can kiss you now?” He asked softly, already leaning in. He left space between the two of you so you could decide but you easily leaned into him, your lips meeting. It was gentle but it was loving. You moved in sync, Tim’s hand moving to the back of your head to push you closer to him. Eventually, you pulled away for air.

“Schatz…” He breathed and you laughed lightly.

“You know, I don't think you've told me what that really means,” You said with a cheeky smile.

“Would you like me to say it in English, sweetheart?” He brushed his nose with yours.

“Hmm, German is fine,” You tilted your head upwards, almost brushing your lips with his. With your teasing, he let out a groan, bringing you in for another kiss. This time he broke for air, his eyes still slightly closed.

“You know, you cured my homesickness. I never felt like I missed home because I found home in you,” He whispered. Your heart melted and you brought your lips together with a passion he hadn’t seen from you before. Your hands tangled in his hair and he chased your lips as if it was a breakaway. When you broke for air, the two of you were breathless.

“As much as I want to keep doing that, it’s also very early and I am tired. Can we go back to bed please?” His arms were still around your waist, but he leaned back enough that you could see his face, puppy dog eyes and all. You nodded to his request with a soft smile, and went to remove yourself from his arms and go back to your car, but he tightened his grip.

“I got you now, so I’m not letting you go.” You buried your head in the crook of his neck and slowly the two of you made your way into the warm house. He led you through the dark hallways to his bedroom, giggling and sneaking kisses where you could.

You fell asleep so easily, the quickest you have the entire time you had lived in Ottawa. And it wasn’t only Tim’s warmth, or the way his sheets smell like hockey tape and his peppermint shampoo. You had finally opened yourself up. You had found that belonging your dad always wanted you to. And you found that in Tim; whether he knew it or not, he was home.

let me know what you think! thanks for reading!

join my taglist

taglist: @heatherawoowoo

[lavender-ski]

Rant Time! Aka I hate my fucking job!

Okay so let me just say, fuck the fast food industry. I have worked in it for the past 3 years and I'm no where near the person I was when I started. Im pretty much a cold hearted bitch at this point. And id like to say im mature enough to not let it change and get the best of me but im not so...whatever. Now if you have never worked fast food before, lucky you. Now I know people who work in sit down restaurants and bars have it shitty too but because I have no experience there, this whole post is just about fast food restaurants.

Now I work in an 24/7 food joint. I started here at 18 years old right after high school and about 2 months of working here I got a full time shift. The grave yard shift where i worked from 10pm to 6am. I was in the window/headset and it was me and one other person 95% of the time. Which is a joke. From 9pm to about 330 am we are having the busiest hours. Nobody else in the entire day, morning and dinner shift, are as busy as us. But we are only givin just to two of us. But the morning shift has 5 people. 2 of them are Team/Shift Leaders one is our GM and or the AGM. And then our prep lady. And 1/4 of our (grave yard) sales. Dinner is a little more messy. Typically with one Team/Shift Leader and three minors and like one adult crew person. And 1/2 our sales. But grave yeard only get two people. Like what? Why? That doesn't make any sense!

Now keep this all in mind when I tell you that on top of all of this we have to get a 4 minute average time in the drive through. If we do not keep a 4 min average, we could either lose our job, lose our management position if we have one, get hated on by the other shifts, and called while sleeping to explain to the boss why we couldn't make time. And it's so fucking stressful that I was 18 and walking home crying. I would get home and shake. See spots. Vomit. My legs would be so sore that I would be extremely stiff.

On this shift I got to expirence a riot because our promo ended, 4 cars get rear-ended in the drive through, people throwing food at our window just because, 2 managers break down, people just walking off and quitting, about 3 naked people, 20+ druggies, and rin the store completely by myself with no help from my higher ups. All at 18 years old.

At 19 I got management and that next Thanksgiving I quit. Now I'm back because and have been for a couple months. I got layed off of my other job because department stores are almost non-existence. And I didn't have enough experience to go to another one. So I found my way back here and lemme tell you, this shit got WORSE! Like HOW?!

So drama has ALWAYS been a big problem here. A lot of backstabbing, gossip, blaming and so on and so forth. And not just with like the crew but like upper management. But it really bad now. So there's a nother store in our district that is run by my new bosses (3rd one in this store) mom. Now for a little back story, that whole store got covid. Every single one. Back when covid was new, like that first summer new. Anyways, pretty much every one quit but 7 people and my bosses mom. 8 people running a 24/7 store. It's insane. And she (the mom) would beg our district manager for help. Of any kind. So what he did was he called her and said that he wanted a meeting to talk to her about her schedule. Normal, right? Nope. Instead he demoted her to team/shift Leader (2 steps down) and made another stores gm gn of her store and there store. THEN THIS MAN HAD THE AUDACITY TO TELL HER TO NOT TELL ANYONE WHAT HE DID BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TROUBLE!!!!!! this bitch. Long story short everyone quit. Shes getting lawyers and the gm that is now running two store just put her 2 weeks in yesterday because she also, wasn't getting any help.

Sorry for the rant I just have a lot on my mind and I needed to put it somewhere where someone I don't know can see it and say "Dame. Happy that ain't me!!!"

[epic-seven-updates]

Hello, fellow Heirs! This post will be about the 3rd Anniversary events & rewards.

1. Livestream

I'm late. Also did not watch the 2 hour livestream because I personally dislike Mashuu and Nue but I digress from that topic.

2. Epic Dealer Rewards

To celebrate both Ezeran Foundation Day & the 3rd Anniversary, GM Dominiel & Mr. Navi have struck a deal with the business team for some great rewards!

First, we have a 7-day login event.

Rewards:

Day 1- Records of Unity (artifact) x1 [no required rank] Day 2- Leifs x33 [required rank 5] Day 3- Molagora x3, Friendship Item x10 per element. [required rank 10] Day 4- Rare catalyst selection chest x10, epic catalyst selection chest x5 [required rank 15] Day 5- Greater Equipment Charm x10, Greater Accessory Charm x10 [required rank 20] Day 6- Mystic Medals x500 (10 mystic pulls) [required rank 25] Day 7- Episode 2 5★ Hero Summon Ticket [required rank 30] (This is not a selector and is a random hero.)

Continuous attendance will reward you with 50 energy.

Schedule: 8/30 (Mon) ~ 9/30 (Thu)

Next, we will have a free summon event.

There will be 70 free summons in total (not 70 extra, our daily 1x summon is part of it so it's really 63 free summons but it's a lot so we can't really complain else we sound spoiled, right?) 10 summons a day will be available. If you miss a day, you will lose the summons for that day. These will be for the covenant banner.

It will be just like every other summon event. If anyone needs me to post a visual guide on what it looks like, please let me know in the comments/reblogs/asks.

Next, we have a special login gift.

I'm sure you've received this in your mailbox already. It's the 5★ selector.

Lastly, and worstly, Huche the scammer is back.

Schedule: 9/2 (Thu) after the maintenance ~ 9/9 (Thu) 02:59 UTC

Anyways, the rewards are really nice overall!!

3. This isn't event/rewards, but I'd like to give a shoutout to all the skilled heirs who drew for the anniversary! Great job everyone!.

Please view their artworks here.

4. Video Compilation

They released a whole lot of videos lately.

This one is hilariously stupid and I now love GM Luluca. That is all I have to say.

Mr. Navi goes to deliver the Luna figures won by some lucky fellow heirs a while back. (no comment I dislike Luna /lh)

Mr. Navi and his fellow negotiators go to the business team to strike a deal! I personally enjoy these Korean Reality TV type episodes.

The video is long, so I'll summarize it if you'd rather read. (I do recommend watching though)

(not on topic but they said there was a meme where Mr. Navi's head was c*t off... if any of you have it, please send it to me; I'm curious.)

Ezeran Foundation 3rd Anniversary, Ancient Inheritance, Abyss 120, & the conclusion of EP 3 will be in the second half of this year!

Changes to Equipment Inventory!!! (SAY GOODBYE TO THE 500/500 STORAGE??) They will be adding an Equipment Storage, much like the hero waiting room. They cannot increase the 500/500 due to having to add a loading screen above 500. Inside the storage, you can enhance equipment and extract them as well. They plan to implement this on Thursday.

Abyss 120 Floors. They will be nerfing the previous floors a little so that we can try to get to 120. The rewards will not be a lifesteal set, but it will be a speed set this time. [I can't read korean so I won't be able to translate but base stats at 9 is great.]

Ancient Inheritance- cooperative PVE guild content. It's a hexagonal field, and it's more of an exploration type, where you find and defeat bosses together. There are different roles and selectable card types. More information will be released soon, as this is still in development. Please make sure to find as many good guild members to take full advantage of this new content.

Ending of EP 3 and start of EP 4. (WHAT EP 3 STARTED LIKE YESTERDAY WHAT /hj) There will be another selective summon after you complete EP 3. (vivian can finally come home to my acc) This will be implemented Thursday. This will be on the Eastern Continent. Ras will be booted as the main character because he finished his character development arc apparently (that's a joke, they said that he's in the process of becoming more human) so they're giving us a new protagonist, who's a girl this time. She will be able to acquire new elements over time, and she will end up with the light element as an ml hero... someday. Her starting form is a 3★. It's a trip to the past featuring Vildred.

Vildred's VA sings a cover of Promise. (he is also Childe's VA in Genshin, so I'm not surprised at this.)

Another episode of Epic Seven reality TV show LMAO

[fuck-customers]

so Kr*g*r hasn't been hitting their sale goals lately, and corporate was like, "I guess we've got to enforce stricter department rules to hit our goals! you all just aren't working hard enough! :) " as if we aren't in the middle of a goddamned pandemic. like, hey, maybe the fact that half the country is out of work, or that anyone that gives a shit abt their health is staying home instead of regularly shopping is having an effect? maybe

like is anyone else in floral abt to lose their shit over the air walkers?? 7 giant-ass air walkers inside our tiny-ass dept at all times? u gotta be fuckin kiddin me, we can barely walk around our own dept on a good day, much less fit 7 toddler-sized balloons somewhere. and no, we aren't allowed to hand them off to gm after we blow them up, they have to be in FLORAL, as if Elsa and Spiderman have goddamn ANYTHING to do w/ whatever else we're selling...

[samgirard]

I love your Avs history stuff! The Nate-and-EJ-as-narrative-parallels one was very good. The way you frame and tell the stories reminds me a lot of like a medieval storyteller, in a way. So, fair lorist of the Avalanche from Colorado, care to tell us of the tale of Patrick Roy?

how do i begin to describe someone like patrick roy? patrick roy is a violent, temperamental egotist whose lionizing represents some of the worst impulses of hockey’s id. he is a control freak who was simultaneously short-sighted and stubborn as he was capable of innovating the game itself. he is one of the best goalies in the history of the colorado avalanche, if not the league itself, and acting in spite of him has turned this team into who they are today. 

above all, patrick roy is an asshole that thrives on dramatic exits.

roy’s history with the avalanche starts with his last game as a hab, against the detroit red wings, december 2, 1995. roy already had a contentious relationship with the habs’ coach, mario tremblay, and when he let in five goals in the first period and four more in the second until tremblay would pull him, roy took it as what it was: public humilation. there, on the bench, he declared he would play his last game as a canadien. four days later, he got his wish, and was traded to the colorado avalanche. 

roy would become the best goalie in avalanche history, winning two stanley cups with them and earning their franchise record in wins. along the way, after getting pulled in a tied game in anaheim against the ducks, roy went into the visiting coach’s office and smashed it up with his stick, destroying video equipment in the midst of his tantrum, and threatening the then coach, bob hartley, to never do it again. after this, the reporter who broke this story tells that roy cornered him in a parking lot, accusing him of running it to make him look bad before the avs went to montreal, and punched him in the face. 

roy was also accused of other violent acts during his career. in 1997, roy was arrested after threatening and allegedly attacking a dj at a bar in colorado springs. in 2000, during a fight with his wife, roy ripped two doors off their hinges and was tried for domestic violence and destruction of property, dropped due to his wife’s lack of desire for conviction, and the two would divorce in 2005. 

after a game 7 ot loss against the wild in the 2003 playoffs, roy immediately retired, and the goalie would become a coach. 

after retirement, roy buys his own little castle in the q, and becomes owner, gm, vice president of hockey ops, and head coach of the quebec remparts. he’s involved in at least one other violent altercation, charged by the co-owner of the remparts with throwing punches, and inciting his son jonathan into fighting another team’s goalie without the other goalie’s agreement. his team loses the 2012 qmjhl playoffs against the halifax mooseheads lead by nathan mackinnon, and the remparts goaltender louis domingue, who roy blamed for the loss, recounts that roy is “worst person [he has] ever met.”

following this in 2013, roy is named head coach and vice president of hockey ops, as an additional concession for taking the job, for the colorado avalanche, sharing player-personnel decisions with his former teammate, joe sakic. 

roy as a coach was as erratic and dramatic as he was as a person. in his first game as avs coach, he gets in a shouting match with bruce boudreau, then with the anaheim ducks, and almost knocks over the partition between benches, getting fined $10k for his actions. he starts the practice of pulling the goalie at 3 minutes, setting the standard for pulling the goalie today, with insane moves like pulling the goalie at 10 minutes.  he publicly rips into his star center, matt duchene, for celebrating too ebulliently in a losing game.

during all this, roy butts heads with sakic and the rest of the organization over who had the final decision in player decisions. this all comes to a head in the summer of 2016, when roy questioned sakic on a number of decisions like trading nick holden to the rangers, whose trade lead roy to personally call alain vigneault to congratulate him on what he had gotten. however, it was tyson barre that was the last straw for roy. 

in the summer of 2016, tyson barrie was part of the avs’ young core, and one of  the brightest spots on their blueline, despite his issues on defense. tyson is a contentious player, to say the least, and his contract negotiations broke down to the point where he became one of the few players to enter into an actual arbitration hearing. the hearing was, by all accounts, vicious and grueling in its assesment. roy was strongly against keeping tyson, thinking of him as a 5th dman, and strongly preferring a stronger, bigger defenseman. when tyson signed a contract with the avs before the arbitrator made her ruling, roy did what he does best: he threw a tantrum, took his toys, and went home. 

two weeks after tyson signs with the team, roy resigns as head coach, six weeks before training camp, and not through an official team statement, rather putting out a pr statement of his own, citing lack of “say in decisions that impact the team’s performance.” roy not only leaves, but he takes every coaching staff and support staff member loyal to him as he returns to the remparts, preferring to be king of a castle he can control. roy guts the avalanche logistically and in morale, and his leaving is a key part of how the following 16-17 season would become the worst in franchise history. 

roy returned to the remparts to lick his wounds, acting as head coach and general manager this time around. the other teams, not looking kindly on a coach so power-hungry that he would abandon his team like that, avoided seriously considering him as a coaching candidate since then, except for one secretive interview with the senators last year which came to nothing. i fully expect some desperate team or another to turn to roy eventually, and i wish them luck. 

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 4

Skipper Thistlespring and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

We pick back up at The Swan’s Little Parade where rich people shenanigans are taking place. Gorgug breaks from the group to try and call Zelda. When she doesn’t answer, he leaves the saddest, sweetest apology voicemail ever. Lou breaks. Siobhan breaks. I break. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the group gameplans. Adaine pushes back against the idea that they have to talk to Aelwyn. Her parents are also an option and Aelwyn is not a good person, no matter how hot Fabian is for her. They also check out the guest book from the hotel and see that Bill Seacaster has stayed there several times, always right after a Garthy O’Brien (they see that it happened a bunch while they were in jail and it was probably in conjunction with when Bill was supplying palimpsests). Fabian recognizes the name as a pirate and Cathilda knows they run the Gold Gardens which is a floating pirate casino/brothel.

Kristen tries to release Gorthalax but just confirms that, because of the curse, doing it without messing up Gorthalax is gonna be tough. 

Sandra-Lynn goes to get Gorgug while Fig decides to careen the campaign into Crazytown and make herself Empress for Life of the same. She disguises herself as an old lady and tries to drop off a note giving her phone number as the new number of the cop she impersonated last episode (Detective Decker) so she can send a fully grown cop texts that would def get him Chris Hansen’d irl. Brennan decides that if she’s gonna keep making beds, she should probably lie in one of them for once and comes for her entire life in the funniest scene of the episode. No recap I could give can do it justice(links to clips here: x, x). Just know it ends with Fig running away and ditching her phone in a lake, which could very possibly have plot consequences if she forgets to replace her phone before she’s in a tight spot where it would be helpful and the absolute dumbest/funniest reason for a character death (I want to note that she did replace her phone technically, but with a huge, old, brick phone from Adaine’s jacket that can’t be as useful as an actual cell). 

ANYWAY

Tracker creates a Moon Haven in the van which is basically like a dope pillow fort with the Sanctuary spell cast on it and TARDIS bigger-on-the-inside spatial mechanics. Once they’re inside the Moon Haven, Ragh finally feels safe to tell them what he knows--which he does telepathically via Adaine and the message spell to make everything extra safe. Here’s a rundown of what he tells them:

He saw Kalina on the night of prom after the big fight. She was talking to Jace (the sorcery “teacher”) and an elven woman who looked like Adaine in black robes--Adaine confirmed with a picture that it was her mother. 

After being healed by Porter, Ragh started walking home and was stopped by Kalina who said she would kill his mom if he told anyone what he saw. 

Ragh’s mom Lydia is also a half-orc barbarian. She was on a mission in the Red Waste (where the 7 Maidens have their Sophomore Year quest) and they found a soul gem that was leaking something bad. She put it in her chest to contain the evil but at the cost of her health. She’s now extremely sick and in a permanent, medically-induced rage to keep her alive. She refuses medical treatment because no one can ensure the evil won’t be released if they remove the gem. 

His mom fucking slaps.

So that’s all deeply worrying. Adaine invites Ragh and his mom to live with them in the Haunted House and Fig offers to give them Dr. Asha’s number. Gorgug discovers the Van can become a boat which is convenient for the pirate-y things they have to do (the Golden Gardens is on the way to Falinel so they decide to stop there first). Fig has a heart to heart with Gilear while Adaine and Sandra-Lynn take first watch outside since the Moon Haven can only hold nine people. Adaine has to roll a wisdom save because she’s outside of the Haven’s protection and, even on a 16, the music goes all scary and she feels that something is in the tent with her outside. Something humanoid and her size with its knees to its chest. She senses that if she sees its face, something will happen to her and, instead of looking at it, she calls for Sandra-Lynn. By the time she shows up, the thing is gone. Fig assures Adaine that she’s not crazy or seeing things and, based on Adaine’s description, they’re able to deduce that it wasn’t Baron or Kalina. 

In the morning, Gorgug is pretty bummed and asks everyone to call him Skipper. Kristen is very down and Fabian is very not. They discuss whether they should tell all of the information from Ragh to the 7 Maidens (no) and whether Gorgug should call Zelda (yes). They drive into the sea. Gorgug finally talks to Zelda who is not happy with him for the ghosting and unintentional thoughtlessness. She’s even less happy with him when she realizes he forgot to get the generator they needed to stay in touch long distance. They’re breaking up. Do I mean relationship-wise or phone-wise? You don’t know? Well that makes two of us (Thanks, I Hate It).

They’re at sea for two days and then make it to the floating pirate shipwreck city of Leviathan. Pirate adventures next week, y’all! 

Detention

Fig for Trying to Seduce ANOTHER Middle-Aged Man

Listen, I’ll stop putting her here for this when she stops doing this. Not to mention, she invented a whole ass person (HILDA HILDA?????) when she’s just been told that nightmare monsters are being generated from lies. Fig, my girl. Ms. Faeth. Please. I’m begging you. Please. 

Honor Roll

All of the Adults for Stepping Up

Every single adult in this episode was on fire. Fig confided in Gilear and he stepped up to the plate with a This-Is-So-Serious-I’m-Going-To-Use-Your-Actual-Full-Name, speech. Sandra-Lynn showed Adaine how to do some ranger stuff and jumped in to save her when she cried out. Cathilda was ready with warm milk and cookies she somehow was able to make in the van as soon as Adaine needed them. Sandra-Lynn also had a heart to heart with Fig and even Gorthalax, who’s still trapped in the ruby, gave Fig a spell slot back. And, of course, Ragh’s mom slaps. 

Random Thoughts

Adaine and Fabian both being uber rich but being on the opposite ends of the rich people spectrum is hilarious. Adaine is a “Sleeping in a van? I’ve heard of that but I’ve never gotten to do it. This will be fun!” Rich Kid  and Fabian is a “No turn down service? Hard pass,” Rich Kid. 

I was happy that they brought Ragh along for comedy reasons but who knew he was gonna be so chock full of backstory and important story beats? Like, every good GM has a way of making whatever story path that was chosen seem like the only way the story could have gone and I’m sure that whoever was picked, Brennan would have made that seem like the obvious and essential choices but I’m very happy they picked Ragh. Him talking about how much he loves his mom was so adorable! I love that he’s a big, good, dumb boy now and I’m happy they invited him to live at the Haunted House. That’s def gonna be good for some shenanigans (also love that Adaine’s only stipulation was that he had to be nice to Zayn and he was so eager to agree).  

Insane Ally Move of the Game: Deciding that Kristen genuinely doesn’t know Gilear used to be lunch lad at their school. Is Kristen even on the same plane of existence as everyone else. And then, later, “I worry about Gilear.” Do you really???

I totally forgot that Gilear was not only an elven diplomat but also a full on actual counselor. Makes it even wilder that he lost the job to Jawbone. Also, while we’re talking about him, I said we were gonna inevitably gonna get some more color on Gilear this season and we saw some of that in this ep when Adaine uses detect thoughts on him (which, btw, seems like a horribly invasive thing that people do very casually in this world) and we see that he gave up his career for Sandra-Lynn and then was wrecked when she cheated on him. Really puts a melancholy shade over his hilarious ineptness. 

Another thing I figured we’d see soon and that we’re starting to see is Adaine speaking up on Aelwyn. Two times this ep she tried to steer the group away from Aelwyn and seemed more serious than her usual trash talk. As excited as I am for pirate adventures, I want to get to Falinel ASAP to see how this shakes out. 

Also, on the mom front, wild that we found out that Ragh has a super dope mom in the same scene Adaine took another L and found out that her mom is also involved in this shadiness. Black robes are never a good sign. But I will say, just based on the story beats we’ve gotten, I’m not totally sold on the idea that she’s 100% bad--or at least that she doesn’t care for Adaine at all. I’m wondering if she wasn’t at school trying to find Adaine (possibly among other things). 

“Every time you have sex it’s a gamble. You could lose your heart.”/”What happened to you on tour?”

Gorgug trying to let a full sized griffon land on his arm is hilarious. I love that. He’s so wholesome and dumb.

I love that when Emily was doing her Hilda-Hilda nonsense , turned into Detective Decker, and ran past the police house precinct, Lou was the only person who was on her wavelength and understood what she was trying to do while everyone else was like????

We find out in this ep that Van can control all the auxiliary functions of the van but not the actual driving, which is important to know before a sticky situation. On a more personal note, we find out that he was originally a planetar (second most powerful D&D angel) of Elysium, specializing in harmony, relaxation, and chill vibes and he got dumped and kicked out of heaven for sleeping through a call to battle.

We also get the cursed image of a van with hands which I knew was gonna be the shirt and lo and behold. 

“Fuck Me.”/”When.” Y’all are the worst. 

I love that Brennan mentioned Porter in Ragh’s flashback, fully knowing it was gonna trigger Emily. 

Fig’s new plan is to get all of her parents in a throuple and I don’t even know where to begin with that tbh so I won’t.

@voxfantasma made a comment last week that Sandra-Lynn very well could have seen Kalina which is why she can she her in the photo--which is an offhand comment I made when I was talking about the rules of the photo last week--and Ragh’s reaction to the photo is making me move this theory back up to the top spot. I still wish they would show the photo to more people so we’d have more data for this. 

I loved Fig tossing Fabian a bardic inspiration for a compliment even though he didn’t really need it. I also love that she has a rider in her rockstar contract necessitating gogurt be at all her shows for Gilear. 

Adaine paranoidly casting water breathing on everyone at the slightest hint that they may have to go near water. Our girl is learning from the mistakes of the last oracle. 

With the gang facing off against the Nightmare King and Brennan’s description of the thing in Adaine’s tent as being humanoid, about her side, and sitting in a sort of defensive way, I’m wondering it what it was was a manifestation of her own anxiety or something along those lines. Of course, it could just be a normal ass monster. Sometimes the scariest thing is your inner turmoil and sometimes it’s just a monster trying to bite your head off. 

We also learn that Cathilda has a super wild adventurer’s life before she settled down to be a maid--so she knows what she’s missing and she’s fine with it--and also that she is paid ridiculously well, which makes me feel better about what’s going on with her. Also, her moment with Adaine and the cookies was so sweet. My notes for that scene say, “Adaine loves Cathilda and so do I.”

I loved Murph and Riz going equally Pepe Silvia trying to anagram out Garthy O’Brien (which is also what I was doing, especially since Brennan specifically spelled out the name). Cheers to Murph/Riz and Siobhan/Adaine trying to single handedly keep the story on track--both in and out of character.

There’s a part in this ep where Adaine Ray of Frosts Fig who immediately Hellish Rebukes her and that’s truly the kind of step-sister shenanigans I want to see from them as much as possible please and thank you. Also, like I said before, it was very sweet of Fig to reassure Adaine that she wasn’t just seeing things in the tent. Her catfishing middle aged men aside, she can be very empathetic when she wants to be.  

Adaine cast (or tried to cast Friends) on the thing in her tent. And I think it’s very telling about her character that that’s the spell she would cast and not an offensive one. Not that messing w/ someone’s brain is a super chill thing to do or anything, but I think, “Maybe I can calm whoever this is and talk to them and we can get some information,” is a much more measured reaction than maybe, “Let’s blast this thing to kingdom come and ask questions later.”

“Man van is a boat, my boat is a van.”

Brennan lets Adaine roll w/ advantage to convince the Hangman to come with them on the Van (which he still hates) because she said, “Please” really cute which is the kind of arbitrary DM fiat that I love. 

Adaine: We should tell them unless we’re being graded on a curve. (Savage.)

“Fig, she’s a maid. She’s not allowed to lie.”

All the skipper talk this ep got the Gilligan’s Island theme stuck in my head (never seen an ep but my mom watches it sometimes) so the next day I was getting dressed going “With Fabian, and the skipper too, the oracle, the PI,” to the GI theme song. Also, did not know skipper and captain were the same title until Fabian got all upset and I looked it up. Yet another piece of information I know because of some game (along with what a panacea is (Dragon Quest 9) and where the CDC is (Pandemic)).

Gorgug, being offered a virgin daiquiri: No thanks, I’m driving. (I’ve said this before: Zac low key has the best comic timing of anyone.)

When Riz is angraming, one of the things he ends up with is something about a “night yorb” which Brennan decided is a real thing that both the Hangman and the Van are very wary about. Having the Hangman constantly being like, “SPEAK NOT OF THE NIGHT YORB!” and the Van being like, “Seriously, don’t fuck with the night york,” was so funny and such nonsense. I can’t wait for the night yorb mini boss fight that has to happen now because of the rule of funny.

Gorgug comes down from his call with Zelda and everyone except for Fabian (and probably Ragh who cannon-balls off the boat w/ Fabian and they both have to be rescued by Sandra-Lynn) knows exactly what happened immediately. Aw, buddy. One of my favorite things about media where you have kids saving the world is you have relationship drama and also the world is ending and it all feels equally high stakes. I find that so funny but also it feels very representative of what high school was like, or at least what it felt like (minus the literal apocalypse, obv. Or maybe not. Idk what was going on at your high school). 

Adaine continues lending out Boggy to anyone who needs him.

Also, Gorgug tries to build a cell tower with driftwood and parts from Adaine’s jacket. It’s not going super hot. 

Both Adaine and Riz are podcast nerds and listen to This Solesian Life. All checks out. Their friendship is underrated.  

“I’m feeling really bad and my van is a boat.”

“I was gonna be straight edge except for drugs,” gives me “Sober salad” energy. 

The whole discussion about Kristen getting tracker silly putty for her birthday. 

The Van was serving some serious Ned Flanders energy along with the Owen Wilson energy this episode. 

Brennan does pretty good whale noises. 

Only crit this episode is Fig with a nat 20 insight to know Gorgug’s conversation with Zelda did not go well. Which is something she’d crit on.

[mikenips]

Pinheads

“What the fuck are you doing back here?  You aren’t even working tonight.”  One of the other managers at Bowlero, the new bowling alley and venue, says to me.

“I’m playin’ tonight.”  We all wish we had known the Stools were doin’ a live album recording down at OLL tonight before we booked it though.  Rae said Chuck told her before I picked her up that they don’t play till midnight.  So the goal is to rush the sets so we can get there in time for their set.

“That explains the war paint on the eyes.”  Chip, the mechanic that once got fired as a carny, says as he spits dip into a coffee cup.  “Ya know ya got some jeans with those holes though Mike?”  Damn.  That’s pretty clever.

My mom’s side of the family is down at lane one.  And my dad’s side is hangin’ in the lounge.  Even my uncle from New Mexico is in town for the holidays.  Jordan is setting up the kit.  Sound checkin’ the violin.  Drew walks into the storage room that doubles as a green room for gigs.  Me and Greg the bartender are hittin’ a vaporizer before I get on stage.  We play first.  “You see how Drew walked in here man?  He walked up like he owns this bitch!”

And the scene really does own this bitch.  I’m the bar manager at twenty one.  Drew just started training to bartend.  Dom works the front desk here and there.  Everyone else askin’ if we can pull some strings to get them hired or booked.  Just waitin’ on Sugar Tradition.  Gotta make sure they don’t get carded.  The kids are still in high school.  And we’re eighteen up.  Like the owners would really care though.  They got history too.  One of ‘em owning the Garden Bowl.  The other is one of the top lawyers in Oakland County.  Used to own the Falcon Club in Hamtramck in the nineties.  Actually even was Johnny’s lawyer to get Outer Limits their liquor license.

We open with “Haunted House.”  I’m fuckin’ baked.  And already forgettin’ the lyrics.  That shot of jezy Greg fed me probably didn’t help.  Nobody is here yet besides my family.  A few members of the Hand.  And some Royal Oakies waitin’ on lanes that don’t understand what the fuck is happening.  We’re botchin’ even our classics.  At least the Oakies are gettin’ a real weird show.

Yelp into a drone cover of “Real Cool Time” as Jordan saws away at his violin behind me.  Antonio rollin’ across the stage in front of me.  Glad they got in alright.

Fuck it.  We got a show to get to tonight.  “This is gonna be our last one.”  A piece of glitter falls into the corner of my eye.  “It’s about when it’s five am.  You’re blacked out.  Shirtless.  Pissin’ on the side of a 7-11.  Smokin’ a spliff.  Shotgunnin’ a tall boi.  If you could all raise your drinks.”  Rip through “Miller High Life” before boltin’ for a cig while Sugar Tradition sets up.

“Dude!”  Jordan says to me as we load some gear into the car.  “I think that was the worst set we ever played.”

Dee comes up behind us.  “What are you talkin’ about?  That’s the best part about Just Guys Being Dudes.  There’s no bad sets.  Every set is it’s own experience.  I really dug it.  The owner was behind me and Rae vibin’ too.”

Take a drag.  “Thanks Dee.  That means a lot to me.”

Walk back inside.  Didn’t even realize how many people had showed up.  Sean’s dad, my old high school film teacher, is here.  Still doesn’t know he showed my dick at the student film show at the end of the year.  Even fuckin’ Ian Ruhala showed his bitch ass.  There’s no way that was coincidental.  Not when his girlfriend’s sister is performing with Zilched at the Stools show.  Joey’s gonna lose his shit when he gets here from the wedding.

“That was sick Michael!”  My coworker Reagan says to me.  “Wanna celebrate by doin’ a shot of Jager with me?  You don’t even gotta give me a drink ticket.”  I’m about to be trashed tonight.  What am I talkin’ about?  I already am.

“Why not?  I’m gonna need seven shots of jezy too though.”

“Wakin’ up I got a nothin’ to do!”  Sugar T kicks into one of their many rippers.

Cy, my GM, walks over to me.  “These guys are really good.”  I can barely make out her words over Kevin’s spastic style of jazz drumming.  “They’re like a psychedelic Mudhoney.”

“Yeah.  They’re also only seventeen too.  Don’t tell the managers though I booked some minors.”

She laughs.  “Nobody should be that good at that young of an age.  Do they have a CD?”

“Nah.  We put out their debut album on the cassette label I’m helping run though.”

“What the fuck are you kids doing making cassettes again?”

“Cause they’re fuckin’ sick!  You wanna hear this fuzz on something just as fuzzy.  We don’t wanna clean this noise up!”

Walk back to center stage.  Jake is in the corner with Evan.  Owen layin’ on the floor in front of the couch.  Crossed the border for this night.  On the couch next to Rae is Joey Molloy goin’ hard to Sugar Tradition’s set.  Gotta love Joey.  Nobody goes as hard at a show as good ol’ Joey Molloy.  Bleached tufts of hair whippin’ through the air the same way their brain whips back and forth in the skull.  Everyone takes the Polish, purple nectar.  Jeżynówka.  A Hamtramck staple.  A little piece of home all the way out here.

Joey walks in, still in his suit, and helps Drew wheel three cabs into the crammed lounge as I meet Antonio at the merch table.  They spent over a mill on this remodel.  And the Hand is about to shatter all the windows here when they hit their first note.  This will be the first and last time they let a stoner metal band in here.  TJ stoned as fuck on the floor testin’ out the Juno.  Sean, equally as baked, clicks open the briefcase synth he made.

“Yoo Antonio.  Whenever you guys are ready I’ll take you to the office so the manager can cut you a check.  You just gotta fill out some tax forms.”

“Shit…  This is like a legit gig then?”

We weave through the overfilled lounge.  Drunks and stoners attempt to file towards the stage.  BO and fuzz forcin’ the yuppies to wait for their lanes elsewhere.  Tonight, this bitch is ours.

Paperclips and loose change vibrate their way off the desk in the office as the Hand strikes their first drone.  “Wait…  Kev,”  Antonio spins in the desk chair.  “What’s my social security number?”

“How the fuck should I know?”

“You guys don’t know your social security numbers?  How?”

“Dude.  We’re in high school.  We’ve never had to use ‘em before.”

“Honestly,” my coworker cuts in.  “We don’t really need the W-9.  If you take it with you and bring it back in a couple days it’s probably fine.  But I really don’t give a shit if you do.”

Head back to the bar.  All the freaks headbang in unison to Joey’s screams before Drew rips into a solo.  Greg hands over two shots before I even flag him down.  “I knew Drew was gonna shred because he never talks about his band.  The quiet ones always shred.  Good job putting this together Mike.  Not a huge drinking crowd.  But I’ll take a chill night.  Gettin’ stoned to some chuggin’ bands whenever it comes.”

Or at least I think that’s what he said.  I can’t hear over the riff.  Hail the fuckin’ riff!  Wrappin’ it just before midnight.  Nobody says goodbye to each other before we all dip.  It’s every man for himself.  Drag racin’ down I-75 to get to OLL.  Somewhere in the night Caveman Woodman is yellin’ about the Stools.  Tellin’ folks to fuck off if they think rock n’ roll is dead.

Walk into Outer Limits greeted by the familiar unbearable humidity of a crowd of familiar faces.  Not a single face you don’t recognize.  Greeted with a free Stroh’s and shot of Hornito’s courtesy of Johnny.  Kid Infinity on the stoop of the stage.  Documenting the entire night on camera.  208.  The Long Stairs.  The rest of the Waterheads.  Everyone from the Bowlero show there too.  Sweat gluing bodies together as flesh meets flesh.  “This one’s about a spooky dream Will had!”  KQ shouts into the mic as Chuck uses his already soaked shirt to wipe sweat from his forehead.  As Will’s screeching guitar bends, cuing “Black Fly Stew.”  Two step tune off their latest seven inch from Third Man Records.  Jack White may be a prick.  But he sure puts out some good ass music.

This time I’m not gonna concuss myself on Joey Molloy’s eye socket.  They speed and slop their way through their discography.  Dig into some tracks Will claims are older than some of us.  Kirk recording every second through the soundboard to be put out on Chuck’s cassette label Painter’s Tapes.  “How does two more sound?”  KQ asks after finishing up a version of “Q-Nails” that’s half the length of the studio version.  But still has all the original notes. Bodies make their way off the concrete ground to their feet.  Stomachs cramp from downin’ Stroh’s.  Lungs attempt to catch their breath.  Jake yells back to ‘em “Eat shit Mike Duggan!”  We don’t need no curfew.  Unplug us and we’ll scream louder.

Mikey of the Waterheads discusses Sigmund Freud on the patio while we all pass joints to each other.  Never give those lungs a break.  Kyle of 208 passes out Remove Records t-shirts.  Tells us none of us need to pay for ‘em.  But we all force money into his hands.  “This is what the scene is about man.”  My words come out half coherent.

“Exactly!  That’s why I’m so glad me and Shelby came here from Florida.  This is what music should be about!  Community.  Doing it for each other.  Fuckin’ being there!  Cause without each other, none of what’s goin’ on is possible.  We’re like one big, happy, chaotic family!”

Jake punches my shoulder at the bar.  Radiating the energy of the Bananas in Pajamas.  A loose and excitable toddler ready to play.  We each get a shot of jezy.  “You here anything yet about HMF Nips?”

“Nah.  I saw they ‘leaked’ some of the lineup.  But it was all like Hala.  Legume.  Who Boy.  The indie bands ya know.”

“See.  And that’s what’s fucked man!  They don’t fuckin’ get it like we do.  We’re out here every fuckin’ night playin’ these joints.  We’re all at every show for each other.  They make one appearance a month.  Half the time not even in Hamtramck.  They don’t support each other.  They’re in it for the clout!  And fuckin’ Who Boy gets picked before any of us?!  That’s fucked up man.”

“It is dude.  But don’t worry so much about it.  I’m sure it’ll all pan out for us.  Cause we get it.  And they don’t.  You wanna come over to my place after?  Make some pancakes or some shit?”

“Oh heeeellll yeah!  Pancakes at Belmont.  I’ll rally the troops.  We gettin’ trashed tonight!”

As if we aren’t already.  Rip through a fifty pack of whip-its in twenty minutes.  Sittin’ around eatin’ pancakes at three in the morning.  Listenin’ to the 13th Floor Elevators as Joey tries persuadin’ everyone into watchin’ Pirates of the Caribbean.  “Dead Man’s Aaaaasssss…” his whipped voice whispers to every single one of us individually.

Jake does his first popper as if he’s huffed it before.  Panicking in the barstool in my living room.  “I’m sweaty.  My head hurts.  And my face is hot, man.  My face is hot!”  Before locking himself in the bathroom with a sealed fifth of tequila.  We continue to chainsmoke in the house I rent.  No mention of not smokin’ in my lease.  Dunkin’ chocolate chip pancakes in a bowl of syrup.  He re-emerges from the bathroom.  Quarter of the bottle now inside him.  Or possibly in my toilet.  “Rae.  You gotta finish this.  I can’t do it.”

Owen spits up on Giovanna while tryin’ to rush to the bathroom.  Attempts to wipe the bile off her knee before returning to the cool tile floor around the toilet to sleep for the night.  Jake arguing with me and Rae about ordering him an Uber home.  “You’d fuckin’ love it if I crashed on your futon Nips.  You’d fuckin’ love ordering me an Uber home wouldn’t you Rae?”

“Jake dude.  I don’t know what you want from me man.  Your car is at Evan’s anyways.”

“I just wanna shit on my toilet!”

So eventually he consents.  Tells Rae he’ll Venmo me the ten bucks she spent on him cause he’s “Venmoed Michael Nipples before.”  Even though I’ve never had one.  Yells back to us with the passenger door open “what’s its name?”  As he struggles to crawl into the whip.

And as Rae and I go to sleep.  My phone buzzes with three texts from the drunk Toehead.  “Uh oh…”

“Help…”

“We listenin’ to Dough Boyz!”

Fuckin’ idiot.  Pinhead.  That’s what we all are though.  Or at least what we pretend to be.

[sawickies]

okay, newish hockey fan who doesn’t really follow isles/leafs/etc.: what do you mean by “the way” Tavares left? would you be willing to explain what was so bad about it?

Man, okay.

So, last season his contract was expiring. Leading up to the expiration of a contract, the team a player is already signed with has a window of opportunity to sign them to an 8 year contract instead of a 7 year. The deadline for that happening was midnight on July 1st.

Throughout the season when asked about the contract, Tavares maintained that he wanted to be an islander for his entire career, that he loved playing on Long Island, that he hadn’t considered playing anywhere else. At the trade deadline, the last chance for the islanders to trade Tavares for other assets, he reportedly asked the GM not to trade him, once again maintaining that he planned to sign with the Islanders & be an islander for the rest of his career.

When the week-long window before the July 1st deadline rolled around, he met with other teams to see what was out there, as was his right & basically is what was expected. He reportedly met with the Bruins, Leafs, and Sharks, in addition to hearing a pitch by the Islanders management—management that had just been revamped completely in the hopes of assuaging any lingering doubts Tavares had about staying. They had gotten Lou Lamoriello as the new GM, who had won 3 cups with the devils, was already inducted into the hall of fame, and had been key in Toronto’s rebuild. They also got Barry Trotz, who brought a crew of seasoned NHL coaches with him, and had just won the cup with Washington. This was a complete 180 from the previous mismanagement the team was under, and was prompted in large part by a movement by the fans calling for the firing of now-former GM Garth Snow.

—>I’ll address the mismanagement under Snow a little later.

So Tavares had his meetings and the week began to tick by. There was complete silence on all sides, for the entire week. Nobody heard anything until July 1st, when it was announced that he’d accepted the Maple Leafs deal. It came out shortly after that he didn’t share his decision with the Islanders until late the night before (I believe the report was 9pm but I don’t remember exactly).

He tweeted the photo of himself in leafs bedsheets with the caption “not every day you get to live a childhood dream” immediately after the announcement.

He maintained that it was a difficult decision for him (the reason for the late notice) and that he truly made the decision at the last minute after wrestling seriously with his choices.

This turned out to be less than true, as his agent subsequently said that he knew as early as the Thursday night before the deadline that he wanted to sign with Toronto. More recently it’s been reported that people close to him knew for a while that he wanted to go to Toronto. As further corroboration to this, his fiancée apparently took a job in Toronto well before the end of the season.

As a side note regarding this, at the point that he told the Isles no it was known that the Bruins were out of the running. The Sharks, however, were strung along until the end along with the Islanders, which is why sharks fans now boo Tavares as well—he basically held them hostage during a key negotiation period where they could have been pursuing other pieces. So, yeah. We’re not the only ones that don’t think he handled it the best.

tl;dr: he repeatedly told management and fans that he wanted to be an islander forever/resign with them long term, then turned around and signed with Toronto after handicapping them by not telling his decision until the last minute, and additionally seems to have lied about wanting to stay on the island in the first place.

I put that tl;dr there, because now I’m going to get into the emotional side of this, as I see it. I get that people aren’t going to be understanding, they’re going to continue to shit on isles fans no matter what I say, but I’ve been trying to find a way to articulate all the things I’ve been feeling as an islanders fan, as a fan whose second favorite team has been the leafs for as long as I’ve been a hockey fan, since I got the notification on July 1st that it was official. I think after last night I finally have the clarity to do that.

We know the management for his time here was terrible. God, do we know it. We know the other pieces on the team were lackluster, that they never got the pieces he deserved to have for his talent. We put up billboards calling for Snow to be fired for fucks sake (and y’all made fun of that, too). We demanded trades we never got. We dealt with a stubborn coach that loved to play grizzly veterans who couldn’t skate worth a damn over young pieces that could have actually helped make a difference. WE. We. We thought we were all in it together, with JT, and that now that things were finally turning around we could reap the rewards together. Was it naive? Absolutely. At the end of the day, sports is a business like anything else, and any perceived loyalty the players have to fans or an organization is there to comfort fans, to make them feel like they’re a part of something, and is not always genuine. This is proof of that.

But isn’t that the way fans of sports are supposed to feel? That you’re in it together with your team? That no matter what happens, you’ll get through it together? Win lose or draw, you’re watching the game anyway because you love the team, you love the players, and they love you because you support them. Isn’t that the way it works?

So why are people so surprised that we’re upset? Can you fans of other teams really look me in the eye and say that if your star player, who swore up and down until the moment he signed with another team that he wanted to be the captain of your team for his entire career, can you really tell me you wouldn’t be upset? Wouldn’t be hurt? Wouldn’t feel betrayed?

I don’t care what people say, we supported him through thick and thin while he was here. He gave his everything to us, and one day he’ll get what’s due to him for that. He deserves it. But the wound is raw. We’re trying to move on, and we are! The islanders are in first place in the metro, a point behind the leafs, a million miles away from where everyone thought we’d be this season. On days when we’re not playing John Tavares’ Maple Leafs, our incredible team is what we’re focused on.

But last night? Last night was catharsis. Last night was 13,000 Islanders fans coming home and coming together and supporting each other through their pain. He should have known what was coming, he’s had enough experience with fans at the barn to know what was coming.

I’d bet that’s the last time it’s that wild. No doubt there’ll still be boos and we don’t need yous in the future, but that much energy? That much hurt? We needed to get it out of our systems, release the pressure that’s been building since July 1st. If you think that makes us assholes, that’s your right, but it’s also our right as fans to get closure on an era of our team that turned out to be noting but empty promises & pain. The Tavares chapter on Long Island is officially over. I’m sure everyone on both sides is relieved.

Finally, if you have any doubt that the animosity we hold toward JT is born from anything other than the passionate love we had for him while he was here, consider this: at the end of the game, a few sections of fans tried to get a chant going that went “thanks for leaving”. Every other chant started that night gained momentum and eventually took over the entire coliseum. That one? That one petered out and faded, barely a dull roar by comparison. In our hearts, in my heart of fucking hearts, I wish more than anything he was here with us to share in this amazing success with the team that drafted him, that loved him so passionately for so long. I’m crying right now, for the first time since July 1st, thinking about how amazing it would be if we had found this success while he was still our captain. Maybe it would have been enough to get him to stay, even if our fans and our love for him wasn’t.

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon FireRed Nuzlocke [Part 10]

Welcome back to the tenth part of me trying to beat Fire Red doing a Nuzlocke with no grinding! That’s right, no grinding! The only experience allowed is against other Trainers!

Where are we in this harrowing journey now?

Aheh.

To heck with it, I’m naming myself Blue this time.

Do you know why?

I’m blue, if I were green I would die (da ba dee da ba die).

Oh yes, we’re doing this.

My ID # this time is... 50685. Which means...?

Bulbapedia says 4-6 is Fire.

Uh.

You know what. It’s hard to tell because this is done through text posts that are not posted when they are done, but I just did everything up to Brock with a Charmander an hour ago.

But okay! We’ll do it again! But better this time!

I will name you... Left.

Cool.

Left is Rash, so we should get along great.

Fetch quest? Complete.

Pokedex? Get.

Route 1 Rattata? Get.

Her name is Down.

Route 2 Pidgey? Get. Sidey.

Viridian Forest Caterpie? Get. Nalley.

Viridian Forest? Get wrecked.

Route 22 level 2 Mankey? Get. I dub thee Weast.

Green, whose name should be Blue except our name is Blue?

Get. Wrecked.

Now Brock’s Gym, where we shall be punished for our arrogance.

First and only trainer? Done.

Brock?

Eeeeeeeh.

Geodude goes down to a few Metal Claws, one of which raises Left’s Attack. But Geodude wasn’t the issue last time. Accuracy concerns, using Ember, and Onix being Onix were the main problems in that very near past.

Metal Claw doesn’t really uh. What’s the word... help. So. uh. now we. hm.

Yeah, now we be horrible. Weast, you are sacrifice the first. Down, you next. And if you live long enough, maybe you can use Sand Attack!

Or you can die.

Left, you’ve had your Potion. Get back out there!

For future reference, Ember is useless, stop trying to make it happen. You are not going to get the burn. Suck it up and cry when Metal Claw misses.

Okay! So Left is down to 13 HP. But Rock Tomb hasn’t missed yet! So!

Hey, it missed.

Now it just needs to like. Do that again.

It did.

.

.

.

See, the problem here

is that now I have to live with actively killing Weast and Down.

Look.

Guys.

I’d say I’m sorry, but I don’t have to fight Brock again until something else goes horribly wrong, so we’re calling this a win for our team! Everybody cheer! You supplied your friend that you knew for like maybe ten minutes a serious victory with your deaths!

My brother called me a horrible person for what I did to Tarle in the round of this that made it to the Elite Four.

Gotta say.

I get that.

But more importantly, I get Running Shoes. Life is okay. Not that Weast or Down will ever know that again.

Then Left tries to die to a level 9 Pidgey that knows Sand-Attack. He doesn’t. But he really does try. Then hits level 16, and just like Heero before him, becomes a Charmeleon. Oh happy day.

.

I miss Heero.

I don’t think I went over it extensively, because the horror of doing exactly what I am now was setting in worse than grief, but Heero and Allenby and Sprinkle and Zaft and Po... they were a good team. Left has got some gigantic shoes to fill. He’s alive, and that’s a great start, but. Oh. The pain of not being able to say that it’s Heero time anymore?

That will endure.

Time to see if we’re catching something to throw into the rotation or not. Route 3 option, show me what you’ve got.

Gee. no. really.

My Pidgey’s actually still alive, even. Caught and not dead. Like a pro.

Okay, found a Spearow.

Now we find out if Left (level 19) can kill a level 6 Spearow with Scratch. Let’s watch.

Yes. Yes, he can.

Route 3 is as dead as that Spearow.

Compensation for killing the route is 49 exp.

I can’t remember if I’ve brought it up before, but for the purposes of this playthrough, accidentally killing things is fine. Losing the Pokedex slot is punishment enough. This is hard enough without going out of my way to be mean to myself.

Intentionally killing things for exp is very much not allowed, though. If I don’t want the thing, and can’t catch it, I run. Snorlax, looking at you, bud. I don’t have high hopes for you not killing my entire team when we reach you. Catching Po was my one miracle, I think.

I still really enjoy the art done for the different tourist traps across the map. v pretty.

Sigh.

And we lose out on catching Zubat.

...do I need things in my Pokedex to get Flash? I think I do.

Left, you’re way too strong for something that will die if Misty blinks in your direction. It’s a problem.

Add on 54 more exp to the illicit gains pile. I think after this if there’s not a level jump (I think there’s a small one before the next patch of grass), I have to start throwing a ball first thing. I probably should have done that with the Zubat, but. optimism.

Optimism has gotten the grindlocke into heaps of trouble, when you stop and think about it. It will continue, but oh dear yes, we see how this happens.

Hey, Ember finally burned something.

A Clefairy.

Thank goodness. Much danger. Such fear. Wow.

I still don’t really dispute this. Poor guy.

Grabbed the Helix this time. I don’t think there is a way for it to matter less, but there we go.

Made it out of Mt. Moon! Hark and rejoice!

Now we’re going to start breaking out speedrun strats. In slow motion, so obviously mine will work out better. You might recall, if not from this experiment then from others, that there are two Move Tutors outside Mt. Moon.

Mega Punch and Mega Kick.

Mega Punch does 80 Normal, with 85 accuracy.

Mega Kick does 120. 75 accuracy.

So the reason we’re doing this is that we’re about to come across the areas where I have a chance to get an Oddish. If I end up with an Oddish, all will be well with Misty (hopefully). If I don’t, my options become majorly limited. Left will be the One True Starter and Finisher. He needs to be able to down the Starmie in one hit.

It will come down to luck, so we’re going to maximize the possibilities of that luck.

Mega Kick. Welcome. Later, Scratch.

Okay. Bought some more poke balls in Cerulean, also bought some Repels to see if a thing works. If it doesn’t I will avoid further comment on it.

Route 4, SHOW ME AN ODDISH POR FAVOR.

A Mankey is not an Oddish. And we already killed one, so next.

Spearow. Well, we killed the last one, so sure.

If it could use Growl a few more times, Metal Claw would become an option... Yeah, it’s an option, let’s go for it.

Yay, Spearow’s not dead!

.........

I forgot I was playing a Nuzlocke. Did not nickname the Spearow.

Damn it, Spearow.

Invalid pokemon go in the box.

So with no Oddish, Left is going to have to tackle our rival and Nugget Bridge all alone. Yeehaw. Then we can hit grass that might possibly have an Oddish. We want to do that first after the bridge, because there are enough trainers to make the Oddish a real asset in the Misty fight if it’s allowed the exp.

Assuming we get an Oddish.

First thing’s first, though.

Tiny things continue to amuse me.

Left is level 23 now. Pidgeotto’s Sand-Attack is honestly the largest threat. ...Not that Water Gun isn’t making a show of it. Geez, I’m going to have to buy Potions after this. If there is an after this. I missed Mega Kick every time except the last time, and since Squirtle was busy Withdrawring all through that, not only did I miss the chance to do useful damage, when Mega Kick finally hit on the last shot, it did not help.

So now we’ve used Smokescreen a few times in an attempt to even things out.

...

I think I’m about to lose.

Crap.

Uh.

I have to be the worst again.

Left needs his accuracy back.

Um.

Nally... would you uh. mind uh.

Nally the Caterpie is now dead, continuing this run’s trend of being inexcusably awful.

WELL UNLESS OUR LEVEL 3 SIDEY (PIDGEY) CAN WIN, I’D SAY IT’S RESTARTING TIME AGAIN.

She can’t.

She dies.

Welp.

Our name is GM this time.

Our rival is NPC.

This time our ID number is............ 59916.

-looks up-

Bulbapedia says 4-6 is Fire.

OKAY THEN.

Maybe I’ll just lose against NPC. That would keep the restart time down.

For now and forever.

His name is Scyther.

Scyther gets to stay for a little while longer. He’s Sassy. Great.

Fetch quest done.

Ugh.

I almost universally dislike the beginnings of Pokemon games. Unless nostalgia is kicking in, or the game is completely brand new. Being back at the beginning is very much Not Great.

Though this time I learned that you can choose to leave home without talking to your mother. Wow.

First encounter is Rattata. Rattata’s name is Pidgey.

Route 1 done.

Route 2 gives us a Pidgey. Its name is Rattata.

Route 22 has a level 3 Mankey. Now named Machop.

I think. Sigh.

I think that no matter what starter I end up with, my strategy for this is going to be to have my starter handle the first Gym. If I keep getting Charmanders, that will mean a lot of fails before luck goes with me, because luck was the only way we made it through Left’s run.

...

Damn it, Scyther.

No Viridian Forest catch.

May the +30 exp somehow help.

Through Viridian Forest, which means it’s back to Rival-san.

Rival-san is defeated. That’s probably going to be his actual name next time.

We doing this?

Yeah. Sure.

Hey guess what. That +30 exp means Scyther is level 15 instead of 14! Yay! Does that mean anything?

Why did Onix use Bind.

(Better question, self. Why did you use Ember. Your optimism is killing all your pokemon.)

Rock Tomb. After lots of Binds.

Why is Onix killing the rest of my team in slow motion. Stop using Bind. stop stop stop. just kill them.

Thank you.

FUCK YOU, THAT’S MY NAME THIS TIME.

YOUR GRANSON’S NAME IS ALSO OAK.

ID NUMBER.

WHAT HAVE WE GOT.

26268.

HELLA.

BULBAPEDIA SAYS “7-9 is Water type” SO FUCK YALL WE’RE GETTING A SQUIRTLE.

HELL YEAH.

ITS NAME IS OAK.

GOOD JOB OAK.

GO CATCH A PIDGEY ON ROUTE 1.

ITS NAME IS OAK.

RATTATA ON ROUTE 22. ITS NAME IS OAK.

CATERPIE ON ROUTE 2. ITS NAME IS OAK.

o shit.

His name’s Acorn.

Squirtle learns Bubble at level 7. AKA the most useless Water move ever. I suppose I finally understand why Rival-san was using Tackle instead.

Hi! Oak!

Bulbasaur is going to be a pain. Oak learned Water Gun at 13, but. that doesn’t really help.

Bulbasaur is only using Tackle. That helps greatly, and we’re done.

So. ARE WE DOING THIS THIS TIME?

YAAAAAAAAAAAY.

YAY.

Oki doki.

Now I have to think.

Is Acorn a real teammate, or not?

Rival-san having a Bulbasaur means that he’s going to end up with a Gyarados. Electric moves are very, very useful against such horrors. Electric moves are also very useful for, say. Misty.

I think I’m going to give Acorn a shot. Maybe I’ll have to shove him out into a box in the end, but there are enough useful points in his favor to train him up a bit. All the Speed EV pokemon are going to Acorn. When safe.

!_!

!!_!!

My Route... 4? I think 4. Route 4 catch!

His name is Tree.

And he is actually from Route 3.

Here’s where things (already) get a bit sad, I think. I have limited resources. I do not want to devote time to training something I don’t think I can use. Nidoking is a fantastic pokemon, and in a normal Nuzlocke, I would be so happy to have one.

However, his move pool is not going to help me enough, I don’t think. Maybe my mind will change. Maybe I’ll be wrong. But each member of my team needs to have a specific relevance.

...Maybe that relevance will turn out the be the reminder that I can’t count on getting a Snorlax this time.

Uggggh.

Fine, I’m digging up the pokedex.

I already know that Lapras is out. The leveling process is too painful. Hitmonlee or Hitmonchan can be options, because I think by the time I have access to them, they’re at a level that I can make use of. Eevee is technically an option, but. Flareon isn’t the best. I have a Water pokemon. I have Acorn.

If I don’t take the Eevee, that leaves room for something else from Celadon. If I catch a Magikarp sometime before Celadon, I can guarantee having a Grimer, which has the kind of move pool I think I want for a run like this.

Brute force is my usual tactic, but brute force only works in a run like this if I’m working with things that excel in force.

Other Celadon pokemon include things from the Game Corner. Pinsir has zero naturally learned Bug moves in this gen, so no. ...Oh. It’s also only an option in LeafGreen. Dratini takes too much exp to train into usefulness. Clefairy and Abra are too underleveled. Porygon is too laughably expensive. Scyther is hypothetically very useful, but doesn’t learn a Bug move until level 46. The main benefit until then would be Typing aid. A damn good one, and if it lived long enough, I could certainly make some magic happen.

The one thing I know for sure I want right now.

is a Diglett.

So assuming everything magically works out the way I’m intending, our future team has a Blastoise, a Raichu, and a Dugtrio. The question is what, out of my limited options, best adds to that.

...Tree. I don’t think this is your run, friend.

We soldier on.

Our Mt. Moon is a Zubat again. Yay. ...Oh, whoops. Huh. I only have one Poke Ball. Hope it catches our new friend.

It does!

Zubat’s name is Oak.

Oooooh, Oak learned Bite.

The Squirtle Oak.

Now Wartortle Oak.

Bite at 19.

One arduous Mt. Moon later, Acorn is at level 13, and Oak is at level 21. Now before we do anything else, we’re running to the Pokemon Center for healing, and then the Mart for Poke Balls. We’re clean out of those, and I refuse to go through caves without Flash. I refuse, I tell you.

No Mega Kick of Punch this time. Oak and Acorn should be okay to handle Misty. ...I think.

Route 4 gives us an Ekans.

Its name is Oak.

LET’S TRY THIS AGAIN.

Acorn tries to deal with the level 17 Pidgeotto because we’re all about risk now. He gets it to orange and paralyzed. Hopefully that’s enough for Oak to clean up.

It is! yay.

He sends out his Bulbasaur next, and with any luck, Bite over and over will handle any and all problems.

Wow. Lots of luck. Poisonpowder misses, and Bulbasaur just keeps flinching. Sorry about your luck, Rival-san. I’m taking it all hostage.

I don’t think Abra has an offensive move, so it’s all Acorn’s.

Only a Rattata left, and...?

Thank fuck.

So since we finally hit one, let’s end this on that high note.

Next time, Nugget Bridge awaits.

[the-lady-bryan]

Weird Waitressing Dream - April 7, 2019

So last night I had a weird ass dream that felt so damn real I was disoriented for about 10 mins after I woke up and honest to got believed I'd made a big mistake quitting my job.... Only to realize that there's no such thing as an italian/waffle house fusion restaurant and I haven't been able to work due to medical shit since 2014. So.... anyway, here we go.

The best way to describe the start of the dream is I guess dream logic? A sort of montage but not montage I guess. This period encompassed around seven or eight years of dream time where I worked as a waitress in a, as stated above, italian/waffle house fusion restaurant. (I'd like to note that in the dream, I never saw what my life was like outside of work. I only know that I had a family and needed this job to help support them. And that my son was in high school. I may or may not have had other children. I don't know.) You know how every waffle house-type restauarant has "everyone's fave waitress"? I was it. I busted my ass, got great tips, the customers loved me and I was actually perfectly happy with my job even if the hours were long and most of my co-workers were assholes....

Speaking of co-workers... The only ones I ever saw were Angie, a teenager who worked after school that I'd trained so she was awesome. And The Bitch. She had a name but I never learned what it was in my dream because she always forgot her nametag and everyone except one other person called her "The Bitch". So, I'll assign her one now. Let's call her Brittany. I knew a lot of bitches in school named Brittany. And the last member of this cast of workers was Jamie. He was a lazy asshole who I think was a cross between maintenance guy and cook but I never saw him cooking or, well, doing anything really. He always sat at the end of the bar and drank Coronas all day, every day. (I only know they were Coronas because right before bed I'd looked up to see if a local bar, called Coronas, was still open of if it had closed down since I ain't seen people at it in a while. It closed down. Anyway, back to the dream.) The cast is rounded out by assorted customers coming and going, a few of them are regulars.

Okay so like, dream logic time lapse thing happens and then I walk in for a shift one morning. I'm pulling a double and relieving the general manager who is just finishing a double. I never see her, but anyway, I clock in and already Brittany is riding my ass and I ain't been there but less than five minutes. Angie isn't there yet because she's still at school. Brittany doesn't do shit but run her mouth all morning and afternoon till Angie gets there. Jamie's in his spot sucking down beers and I'm pretty much running the place alone but like a well oiled machine. I've got a system, and it's letting me cook, clean, and serve without any problems. I'm keeping the customers happy, racking in fantastic tips, all the while The Bitch just keeps on bitching and once in a while does a table that doesn't look like they'll be ordering anything too complicated.

Angie gets there and suddenly she's singing a different tune. Butter won't melt in her mouth. I know somethin is up because Britt the Bitch HATES Angie nearly as much as she hates me (I still don't know why she hates me but whatever. I just keep on a working). I work Angie into my system and the pair of us are doing great. Then Jamie decides he's done being the cook but he'll still do maintenance and what do you know he's decided fuck us using the grill - he's gotta fix it right this fucking second! - So the grill gets broken but I'm like "don't worry, I gotchu burger people!" and BAM! I whip out a George Foreman and slam it down on some clear counter space in the cooking area where I can keep an eye on it. And me and Angie just keep on bangin out orders.

My double ends and then weird dream time passing shit and I'm back at work. General Manager had pulled another long shift and has gone home. Jamie's in his spot, the Bitch starts her bitching, and I get to work as usual. But there's something.... different. Angie is there. And we're working like normal but she's not supposed to be there. She's supposed to be at school. So between orders I'm like "bitch you need to leave and get to school. your education's important and you don't wanna end up here forever." and she's like "eh." I eventually get her to leave and go to school. Late but she still goes. Angie's a great gal and whatever dream world she exsts in, she's gonna go far as long as she sticks to that life plan she's made for herself to get into chemical research.

Anyway so Angie leaves and I'm alone with the two laziest motherfuckers on dream-Earth.

Shift eventually ends and I leave.

TIME SKIP DREAM SHIT AND..... I'm walking in the door at work. Got my apron on. There's a promotion up for grabs and it's pretty obvious who's gonna get it. Me. I just have to get through one more shift before the owner of the place makes the announcement. This is pretty much just a formality at this point. Plus I was scheduled anyway so whatever.

The entire fucking day Brittany will NOT shut the fuck up about this guy "Justin" and how she's gonna totally hire him to be the new pizza chef. She's so bad with this that customers are like "Z, your awesome spaghetti sausage omelette is the best but even that isn't worth this shit. Here's my money, here's a tip for having to put up with this bitch, but I'm out." and she's literally driving away business to the point that after Angie's gotten out of school and clocked in the place is fucking dead. So, I decided fuck it, I'mma start cleaning shit to make it easier for shift change and cleaning your restaurant is just some really good positive shit man. I've got myself a big glass of iced sweet tea and I'm boppin along. And then, I take a break cause we're still dead. The moment my ass hits a stool at the counter, Brittany starts going on about "Great, now that SOMEONE is finally willing to sit down and shut up, we can get this meeting started" and I'm like "wtf? what meeting? Did Antonia call a staff meeting today? When's she get here?" and this bitch is all smug like "Ive been here for fifteen years so what I say goes and when I get the manager job" and I stopped listening after that and was like "Look, if you wanna hire this Justin guy then do it and shut the fuck up about it because you sound like an obsessive ex girlfriend the way you keep fucking talking about him." and Jamie's like "you can't talk to her like that!" and Angie's like ".......uh....... just pretend i'm not even here...." and Brittany, smug as shit is like "you've always had a problem with me since your first day! you'd better shape up or-" and finally i'm just so fucking done with this bitch. I very calmly say, "You're right." which shocks her enough and distracts both her and jamie enough for me to get up, untie my apron, take one large gulp of my huge ass iced sweet tea and then throw the liquid in this bitch's face while very calmly saying "Fuck this. I quit." I then threw the actual glass, it bounces off of jamie's head and hits the bitch in the face before falling and finally breaking, and then i take off the apron, drape it over my arm, and still weirdly calmly walk out the door.

once outside, i round the corner of the building and i call my boss, the GM, Antonia... who is also the owner. and i'm apologizing all over for waking her up because i know she had to pull another super long and hard shift and i know she's tired but i wanted her to know from me instead of hearing it from someone else that i had just quit and walked out and that i just can't work with "The bitch and that lazy fucking whale" anymore.

Now, Antonia was shocked to hear me swear because apparently despite real world not-dream me swearing like a goddamn sailor all the time, dream me NEVER talked like that. only in the most extreme of situations and then it usually had been like, Ned Flanders level of swearing. But I'm so done. i've lost my chill. i have none left. there are no more fucks for me to give. they've all been used up and i can't buy anymore because they stopped manufacturing the fucks for my model number. the point is, to Antonia, me swearing is "oh shit is this the purge?" level of panicing she should be doing right now.

after a few minutes of me losing my fucking cool on the phone she's like "i have another call and need to put you on hold." so she does, then not even a full sixty seconds later she's back and she's like "go home, calm down, and i'll talk to you tomorrow." and i'm like "why? i don't work here anymore. so fuck it." and she's like "no. go home Z, and calm your tits. i WILL speak with you tomorrow."

the last thing i heard before waking up was The Bitch screaming from the front of the building about having to actually fucking do her job for once and that Jamie was a useless piece of shit and Angie was a lying whore and I was a drug addict and shit.

after i woke up i sat in a chair for ten fucking minutes worried about having fucked up my family because i quit my job in a fit of rage instead of landing that promotion and that we'd have to sell the house and now i can't afford my meds and...

then it hit me. the building in my dream where i worked corresponds to a real life waffle house location down the street from my neighborhood, and they definitely are not an italian/waffle house fusion restaurant.

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 57 - NYR - Burn the Tape

We came into this seven-game homestand with some needs: capitalize on your home-ice advantage and get into this playoff race in a more consistent manor. That mission didn’t start well for sure but whether it felt like it or not the Sabres win percentage went up. It was the ugly win-loss pattern that is torture to endure during a playoff race this tight but it was better than the losing stretches that prevailed before the bye-week. As this homestand went on it became clearer some switch had been flipped even if not always to successful ends. From the end of the Carolina game onward, maybe even the end of the Minnesota game in places, the Sabres defense has stepped up and fought tough matchups. If the Sabres were going to end this homestand on a high note it would take all cylinders firing properly. That Winnipeg game was closer than that final score would indicate and one bounce different against the Hurricanes and the standings look quite a bit different right now. The past is the past though and so is the Rangers Cup window. Yes, let’s do some Playoff Trash talk: Rangers, during your supposed Cup window you never looked close. In fact, having watched most of those years during the Sabres tank years I could see the truly dominant performances were rare. That’s how the Rangers win in the playoffs: barely. This season its very unlikely you make it and a matchup like this seems to take on a different flavor when its locked in together for 4-7 games. Sabres in 5. So, remember those positive things I said about Buffalo before the trash talk? The Sabres did not do those things. This was probably the most disheartening loss of the season, if not its damn close to the Home Opener shutout. This game made me not want to do these for the rest of the season. Nonetheless, I am your Sabre Soldier and won’t ever give up. This mess ended 6-2 Rangers. You know how we all thought the Rangers would be the easier New York team to beat? Yeah, fuck us, right?

This game was so bad its in a category of games that don’t even earn a full goal-by-goal recap. Spoiler Alert: Jeff Skinner scored all the Sabres goals this game. To be specific, he scored two goals. That was all we got this game. Yes, there were other opportunities. Jack Eichel rang one off the bar. Sam Reinhart was stopped by this young Bulgarian sensation in Rangers goaltender Alexsandar Georgiev. Tage Thompson missed two wide open nets right in front when the score was 3-2. Apart from a section of the second period and the last ten or so minutes of the third period this game looked like no one knew how to play hockey. Everyone was watching the puck, everyone seemed to bump into each other like they were all playing their own game. The Sabres had opportunities on a night New York was not playing a sound defensive game. Remember how we’ve been talking about the Sabres cleaning up play in their own zone the past three or four games? They took that and threw it out the window. I feel so bad for Linus Ullmark who you kind of feel was in the wrong place at the wrong time starting in this game. What goals are we blaming on him? Right, I said I wasn’t doing a goal-by-goal recap. Well fuck it with this game. For Ullmark’s sake let’s dissect this train crash.

4:09 into the first a grown man named Boo Nieves scored the first goal. This was a scrambled play no matter which way you cut it and Ullmark was screened maybe two different ways. The second goal came about ten minutes later when Vlad Namestnikov launched a shot from the blue line that got redirected in front of Ullmark by Jesper Fast. Ignoring the fact that he was screened the Sabres were playing basketball-style zone defense this period and it was not working. The Linus Ullmark fault counter is still at 0 now as the Sabres find themselves down 2-0 going into the second period. The Rangers are getting penalized frequently now, once for putting the puck over the glass in a delay of game. This Rangers team is bad. THEY’RE BAD! Luckily in the middle period the Sabres did respond a little. Jeff Skinner got the puck out alone in front and put it far side around Georgiev. The visitors responded because good things can never last with this Sabres team and Jimmy Vesey of all the hated little Eminem-looking motherfuckers tucks one in like a blot of lightning on a blown coverage. Ullmark had locked down the post. I am not blaming this one on him. Jeff Skinner got another goal, this time on the powerplay later in the period. This got me feeling maybe the Sabres could salvage something from this horror show. I mean if they can score a powerplay goal then why not? Why not, because we must be tortured with no frigging back-to-back wins for eternity! The Sabres poured it on late in the third and could’ve tied it on several shots. None beat the Prince of New York and Buffalo blew a d-zone coverage in their own zone to allow Pavel Buchnevich to tap it in. That goal is the only one you can sort of blame on Ullmark. The air left the building and I turned the radio off full of disappointment and hopelessness. Okay, so the first of the two remaining goals could also be blamed on Ullmark if you feel the need. The net was wide open for Namestnikov, but the 6-2 goal is literally an empty net. 6-2 Sabres but 2-2 if we’re only counting the goals Ullmark gave up. That thing stung.

There was other stuff that happened in this game on top of defensive breakdown, horrible play in their own end and generally unacceptable performance. Uhh… Kyle Okposo fought. He probably shouldn’t be fighting, and it looks like he got hurt doing it. No updates on his condition as of the posting of this but a cursory look over his history tells you exactly why its so scary that this fight happened. You know what, there really isn’t anything redeemable about this game. Burn the tape! Burn the tape and well you’re at it Fire Housley. There is no way this team not being able to beat lesser opponents consistently, except for Detroit, is not a problem of coaching. Housley said they played soft after the game: You think, Phil? Something has got to change. I said I’m on this crazy rollercoaster until the end but boy did I want to get off after this game. After New Jersey tomorrow night, you have the Leafs, Caps, both Florida teams, and the Penguins in the following six games. There was no help on the out-of-town scoreboard last night and the Sabres now sit five points out of the last playoff spot and five points back of the first team out in Carolina. This was hot trash last night and I don’t know if I have any confidence this team won’t continue to be hot trash and fall out of the playoff race in the coming weeks. I guess we’ll have to find out! Like, share and comment: I feel bad asking after this mess. Enjoy your weekend maybe not thinking about the Sabres.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Imagine if Jeff Skinner isn’t on this team. Yeah, its like last season all over again.

[oharaisbaee]

Former Sky Blue players, staff lash out over poor playing, living conditions

NEWS

Former Sky Blue players, staff lash out over poor playing, living conditions

By John D Halloran, Dan Lauletta, and Allison Lee

July 17, 2018

 On July 7, former Sky Blue FC forward Sam Kerr returned to her old stomping grounds at Yurcak Field for the first time since leaving the club in January. Now playing for the Chicago Red Stars, Kerr scored a hat trick that night against her former team.

However, the striker’s celebrations were muted, almost apologetic, and after the game she explained how she’d nearly been in tears at some points during the game.

“If I’m honest, I didn’t enjoy it,” Kerr told reporters after the match. “I wish things were better here, and that I could stay. It just sucks that that’s the way it had to be.

“I wish I could take every single one of them with me,” she added, nodding in the direction of the Sky Blue bench area, “but that’s not the way it is.

“I’m just going to say the girls deserve better, and leave it at that. These girls are great girls. They give everything for this club and this league, and they just deserve better. I scored a hat trick, but I wasn’t myself today. I feel sick playing against these girls.”

Since then, The Equalizer has spoken to a half-dozen people affiliated with the club, some of whom requested to remain anonymous. All shared a bleak picture of life at Sky Blue beyond the club’s current winless season: stories of poor housing situations, poor facilities, and broad mismanagement.

Caroline Stanley, who played for the club in 2016, knew from the first day she arrived at Sky Blue that something wasn’t right.

“The first day I actually got there, I landed, checked my phone, and had an email saying the place they told me I was living had been changed,” she told The Equalizer.

“It was Day 1, new team, moving across the country, the place I thought I was living I’m no longer living and it’s just kind of ‘To Be Determined.’ The comfort, and the management of off-the-field quality of life was just really poor and unorganized. I ended up getting shoved into a really tiny little house in a beach town with four other girls, and it was two sets of bunk beds.”

MORE: Sam Kerr’s unhappy hat trick

“Last year housing was a disaster,” said former assistant coach Dave Hodgson, who left midway through the 2018 campaign. “Like one of the houses that players had to live in just should have been knocked down. Plastic bags for windows, sheets of cardboard for windows, comforters stuck in holes in the wall. I’m not exaggerating. Stuff like that’s horrific.”

General manager Tony Novo said that housing is a challenge in New Jersey where cost of living is high and beach front property is at a premium in summer months, but said the only player who was shuttled around this season was one who chose to arrive late.

“Especially over the last three years��’16 to ‘17 and from ‘17 to ‘18—we’ve made it better,” Novo said. “More housing and better housing for our players. We currently have three, three-bedroom apartments that are very nice—I’m going to use the term plush for those apartments. Those are the more senior by age players. Then we have a five-bedroom house that is five blocks from the beach that is furnished. I can clearly say that our housing has gotten better over the last three years.”

Novo said the rest of the players live with their families in the area or with host families plus one player who has elected to go on her own with a friend from outside the team.

While Hodgson conceded that housing for some players has improved in 2018, two former players said that some other players have lived in five to seven different locations in a single season. Multiple sources also said that players currently with the club were relegated to sleeping on couches in other players’ apartments, and that housing for the players on the bottom tier of the roster is as bad as before.

“We have never made anybody sleep on a couch,” Novo said.

Multiple sources also told The Equalizer that in a previous season some players were forced to live with an elderly man who repeatedly made inappropriate comments to the players and made them feel uncomfortable. When the players addressed their concerns to the team, the players were told they would have to find alternate housing for themselves. Other players who addressed concerns regarding housing were told the same, and multiple players did arrange their own living arrangements when those provided by the team were unsatisfactory.

On the house with the elderly man, Novo acknowledged that particular house did not work out as planned and was dropped after a season but added that when asked, only one of five players said she wanted to move out and that her request was granted.

Complaints about the training facilities and the team’s home field at Yurcak are also common.

“When there are no showers in your stadium locker room, you don’t feel like a professional. When you don’t have an equipment manager and you show up to practice in your training gear—you don’t have a locker room—you throw your crap on the side of the field like it’s club practice and then leave in your nasty clothes and wash it yourself, you don’t feel like a professional. You cannot perform under those conditions.” – Caroline Stanley

One training facility is referred to as “The Jungle,” and multiple sources confirmed that the team’s training facilities have no locker rooms, no running water, and no bathrooms absent a porta-potty.

“They don’t enjoy being the red-headed stepchild of the league,” said Hodgson. “They don’t enjoy having Rutgers as their home, because it’s crap. I mean, there’s literally a hill on the side where there should be bleachers. There’s no showers—there’s no showers. The two-time World Player of the Year [Carli Lloyd] has to get an ice bath in a 50-gallon trash can. It’s ridiculous.”

Novo explained that the team began the season training at indoor turf facility Sportika Sports Complex and then moved to Rutgers where bathrooms and showers were a short walk away. With Rutgers sports in need of their field back, training has now shifted to a field in Jackson which, according to Novo, was to be supplied with portable bathrooms and showers this week. As of the start of training on Tuesday, they had yet to arrive.

Besides the lack of proper ice baths—or in some cases, ice itself—players also noted the lack of basics like ultrasound equipment, stim machines, and leg recovery systems.

“When there are no showers in your stadium locker room, you don’t feel like a professional,” said Stanley. “When you don’t have an equipment manager and you show up to practice in your training gear—you don’t have a locker room—you throw your crap on the side of the field like it’s club practice and then leave in your nasty clothes and wash it yourself, you don’t feel like a professional. You cannot perform under those conditions.”

Multiple sources also complained that the lack of training gear provided, combined with the lack of laundry services, meant players would sometimes have to wear dirty gear during practice sessions.

“We are given two socks, two shirts, two shorts for practice gear for six months,” said one former player in an email. “We get one pair of cleats for the entire year. We use this gear every training and some days, multiple times.

“We do our own laundry. One player was given children’s cleats to play in. Some of these seem insignificant but we are talking about a professional organization and professional athletes.

“At least in college we are given enough gear to wear so we don’t have to re-wear our sweaty gear for a double day,” she later added.

Novo said that in the past, so few players took advantage of the laundry service that it became pointless to keep it, and emphasized that game uniforms are washed and returned to the players on match days.

“Sky Blue has always been unfinished projects and broken promises,” said another former player. “Each year it’s been less of a progression and more of a digression.”

Complaints about travel were also common. To save money, multiple sources told The Equalizer that the team does not reimburse the players for baggage fees, finds cheaper travel by forcing the players to take very early and very late flights, provides per diems on the road that often don’t cover the cost of food, and has, at times, stopped at gas stations and fast food restaurants for meals on the road.

“Just every single trip is a debacle,” explained Hodgson. “It was a debacle last year. Our first trip to North Carolina this year, the credit card didn’t work. There was no money on the credit card. We couldn’t hire any vans. Our players were sitting at the airport for two hours. Just a debacle.”

“When we travel for one, two, or three days, most of the players bring a carry-on.” Novo said. “We provide them with team bags where they can put their personals, and then we carry all of our equipment. I haven’t been asked for a big need for checking bags.”

The GM added that per diem meal money is in line with league standards with team meals excluded from the day’s total. Continental breakfast at hotels is in lieu of breakfast money for the players.

Medical bills for injuries sustained while playing for the club have also been a problem for some players. Stanley says that while playing for Sky Blue, she was injured in a match against Portland and needed multiple doctor visits to deal with a separated shoulder.

“I just received a call from collections a couple weeks ago,” said Stanley. “I had no idea. I had my credit dinged pretty hard for a $50 doctor’s visit that wasn’t taken care of by the organization.”

“The girls that are scared to use their voice because they fear losing an opportunity—I will do it for them. I have nothing to lose.” – Caroline Stanley

Other players have told Stanley that they’ve had to “hound” the organization to take care of similar situations. Novo acknowledged that, on rare occasions, medical bills have slipped through the cracks. He attributes this to players not using the club’s mailing address during doctor’s visits and Sky Blue not seeing bills in a timely fashion. “We would never purposely not pay a $50 bill.”

The team, for its part, has repeatedly told players and coaches that things would improve, including a move to better, permanent training facilities and a new stadium. However, multiple sources confirm that the new training facility has not materialized this season, as promised, and there is little faith left that the club will live up to its promise of a new stadium.

“Sky Blue has always been unfinished projects and broken promises,” said another former player. “Each year it’s been less of a progression and more of a digression.”

“There’s the old saying that a fish rots from the head down,” she added. “For Sky Blue, this is where it is. It’s that the owners are not invested, they’re not. I haven’t seen them invested in any year and the owners are in charge of the GM.”

Stanley says that the current players are afraid to speak up, worried that doing so could harm their career prospects going forward. She says that’s why she’s decided to come forward.

“The girls that are scared to use their voice because they fear losing an opportunity—I will do it for them,” she said. “I have nothing to lose.”

“I want my friends’ quality of life, who play in the league, to be better,” said Stanley, who now coaches at Tulsa. “If they don’t have people standing up for them, I’ll do whatever I can. It’s been crazy how many girls have texted me this week and called me about this whole situation.”

Multiple sources explained to The Equalizer that Sky Blue has become a way station, of sorts, for the players. The players themselves widely believe that the ownership views the club simply as a “tax write-off” and, stuck in a difficult situation, the players hold out hope that a trade, a move abroad, or new team ownership might improve their situation.

“The players really want to be bought out by owners that give a damn,” said one former player.

The poor conditions around Sky Blue are not only a major factor for large amounts of roster turnover between seasons, but also for the team’s 15-game winless start to the current season. As Stanley said, it’s hard for the players to play at an elite level “when your quality of life is so poor.”

Several sources expressed concerns that the off-field conditions surrounding the team coupled with its on-field performance this season have put the team’s future in jeopardy.

“My concern is I don’t want the team to fold because I care about the team and the past organization that has built my career,” one former played explained. “But it’s something that I cherished and my friends are involved in, and I love that. And I don’t want a Boston to happen or a Western New York to happen. But it’s like, how do we prohibit this?

RELATED: When Sky Blue nearly joined Red Bull

“I don’t think that there’s any pressure. Again, this is the NWSL’s fault because they’re not involved, they’re not harping, and if they’re not harping, then the owners feel like they can get away with stuff.”

Sky Blue co-owner Steven Temares declined to be quoted for this story, but made it clear that the team’s ownership remains committed and that Sky Blue will be part of NWSL for the 2019 season and beyond.

Numerous sources close to the team also told The Equalizer that the league and NWSL Players’ Association are aware of the problem, but that the players have given up hope after being ignored for so long.

“I think it would just be best for everybody if they dissolved as a club. Their owners can find a new tax write-off,” said Stanley.

“Something has to change. To me, I don’t know how it would happen internally. I really don’t see how you could turn that club around at this point, unless it was bought out by somebody else.”

[shametheshadow]

I am done. So done. So fucking done!

I am sick and tired of being totally fucked over by my job.

My assistant gm left a note on the front page of the crew schedule for today saying I needed a ride at or before 10:30 for my shift. We tried to find someone yesterday but there was no obvious options so we decided to leave it up to the morning manager on when and who she could send.

So at 10:25 I’m waiting outside at the entrance to the trailer park I live in for someone to show up.

10:35 I call them. I ask the manager if she saw the note. She says, “What note?” So I tell her that I needed a ride to work today. She says she’ll see who she can send and I tell her to let me know and I’ll see her soon.

Now my work is about a five to ten minute drive because it’s right off the highway. Not really a walkable distance, especially in the heat, but I figure I’ll just stay where I am and wait because they shouldnt take too long... right?

11 am... stiiiilll waiting. I consider recalling, but I tell myself they’re probably just busy. I get it, I’m not upset. I’m sure someone will show up and I dont want to walk back home because most of my coworkers dont know which trailer is mine and I dont really want them knowing tbh.

11:15 am Now I’m getting annoyed. Ten more minutes. Ten more minutes and I’ll call again.

11:25. Officially a whole hour of standing outside in humid Michigan 90 degree sun with no shade or breeze. I can feel sweat on my back, making my uniform uncomfortably stick to my skin. I’m leaning against an electric pole awkwardly because it has nails sticking out every which way but it’s the only reprieve from standing in one spot for an hour. I’m staring between my phone and the bridge people cross after exiting the highway, willing someone to just show up.

11:35 A whole hour after the first call. I finally call again.

The manager says she cant find anyone and labor is high so unless the closing manager needs me when she gets in at 4, then I shouldn’t come in. In the nicest voice I can manage I just go, “Okay then... I’ll... go home I guess.” Even though what I want to say is, “You’re fucking kidding me right?! You couldnt have told me this a fucking HOUR AGO!? DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I’VE BEEN STANDING IN THE DAMN SUN!?”

But I dont... I go home. Go back to bed. Wake up three hours later and give my cousin a heart attack because she thought I was supposed to be at work. I bitterly rant about my latest annoyance before sitting down and texting the closing manager to definitely let me know if she needs me because I’m tired of my time being wasted and the last thing I want is to be left waiting.

She calls me about twenty to 4 to say she’s on her way to get me. Then she asks when I’m out. The answer being 6:30... only two and a half hours later. She stops and is just like, “wtf??? that seems like a waste of time.” It is. I tell her I can stay till 8 if I’m needed but let me know if I should even show up because by then I can get myself to work.

A little after 4 she tells me to come on in.

And guess what? That note that the morning manager says she never saw... that I assumed the assistant gm just forgot to write was written in the neatest goddamn handwriting right where she said she wrote it... and I can see where the morning manager crossed people off and wrote on it so how could she not fucking see the damn note!? So not only did she make me wait an HOUR to tell me she couldnt find anyone but she knew WELL BEFOREHAND THAT SHE WASNT GETTING ME ANYWAY! So when I called the very first time she had already made up her fucking mind that I was SoL. ANd I know this is true because one of the guys that was still working who had been there said she even told them this out loud that it wasnt her job to come pick me up.

FUCKING. FINE. BUT DON’T JUST NOT TELL ME!!! 

And I wish my day ended at that but of fucking course it didnt.

We had next to no people after 7. Me, the manager, and the two closers. I was technically out at 6:30 but I did say I would stay. Well it’s 7 now and the manager decides that people need breaks. Which would be fine if we werent busy, had people to cover these breaks, and didnt have a ton of stuff to get done before 8. But no... she wants to send them on breaks so she can take one. Then she asks me if I can stay even later so she can take her break. The answer I wanted to say was no because I wanted to get stuff done at home before tomorrow, but whatever I’m a sucker. Fifteen more minutes.

She goes on break and BAM. We get fucking slammed. For about fifteen minutes I do my best to juggle literally every position in the store and keep things moving. And then this couple come into the lobby and the lady jokes about having a huge order. The order isnt that big... but then I realize it’s because her HUGE. FUCKING. REDNECK. FAMILY. IS. FILLING. UP. MY. LOBBY! Well over twenty adults are now in my store and my drive thru is filling up. The two closers are slow as hell.

I literally lose my mind trying to keep up before the manager gets back. And then EVERYTHING GOES WRONG. We cant make this sandwich because we dont have that ingredient. We run out of reg meat because the grill isnt cooking them properly for some reason. We cant do ice cream. We cant do slushies. We cant do the new huge sandwich. We’re waiting on this and waiting on that. The huge group of people crowd the screen so drive thru comes to a complete standstill for long periods of time because the guy in the kitchen is busy with their orders and he’s already slow as fuck. 

At one point I start giving out the closing manager’s name and telling people they can get a free meal because I’m not going to get screamed at. 

It takes us two hours to finally get everything as clear as we can and I am DONE. I tell my manager I’ll do one more task and then I’m leaving. 

Swept the floor, clocked out, and proceeded to punch the steering wheel for a good five minutes before I feel safe enough about driving home.

I hate my job. I hate this day.

And I’m sure this wont be the last time because I grew up in an abusive household and if there’s anything I’m bad at, it’s realizing I can just fucking leave and that I dont have to deal with this kind of bullshit.

[thefmcdatul-blog]

home.

It is the same day,

But then I looked at you guys,

It is the same day, but not the usual.

I am sitting like a Maria Clara on the table (shy kasi ako eh :<) and observed you guys. 

I couldn’t help to stare at laughing Micah, Ysabelle and Zach. I always treasure you three. Thank you for lifting me up this Grade 10. I hope for more laughs, rants and photoshoot with you guys.

Then my eyes darted to Chastine (sana okay na tiyan mo hehehe) who is actually reviewing (wow teh). But I’m still serious about this, whenever you are not good or fine or okay at all, I, the most amazing person ever, am here for you.

Right beside you is Erica, NAKAGOSURF KA NANAMAN SIGUROO!!! I know that you are a quiet person like me (ehem) but I know there’s a lot going on in you too (like me hehe). Keep fighting!

Cyril, the greatest model of all (bayad ko!) started rambling things with Nicole. I don’t know what they are arguing about but you guys made me smile for 3 seconds. To you Cyril, USL ka at magpakabait ka na. More singing “singing sessions” with you! Stay fab! And Nicole, more arguments and corny joke with you neng!

A cap and face mask, ALLAANN!! I know that we are not that close and actually hated each other back then but I’m still grateful for all the jokes and “knowledge” about “ano things”. Stay intelligent!

Then rocking her pink watch, Queenalynn! How could I forget you! I know that sometimes we are not in good terms lalo na every periodic sa English. Thank you for the memories (good or bad) and I hope we will be able to laugh about them someday.

There’s you, Angie! You are busy reviewing (ang sipag mo na huhu) and it actually made me happy to think that you are there since Grade 8 and you actually may know things about myself more than me. Galingan natin sa SHS! Love you!

Janina!! You are my classmate since Grade 7 and I saw transformation in you. Until know I don’t know if USL k aba or hindi (laughs). Math tests are “not hard” because of you.

Aby, I don’t know why you are sitting in front… I think nawalan ka yata ng upuan hahahaha but I remember Grade 7 life with you. You are one of the “kalog” girls I know. Stay funny!

I jumped out of the table and walked in front of the mirror to check myself. Then there you are Cambri (sanay kami sa last name mo hehehe). Half  of the mirror is consumed sa ulo mo hahahaha. You are so tall! Thank you for the “load” ehem and funny jokes. See you around sa SHS because you are actually going to St. Paul.

I roamed my eyes then I saw you Kemi (?) and Daniella. You guys are also busy reviewing (naks naman, you two!). I still remember Grade 8 with you two hahahaha and also your bangs hehehehee. Stay diligent and smart.

Zoned out ka yata Kuya JB! You are quietly sitting at the back. Lately I’ve been reading your GMs. Tell us about that! Stay tall!

Aira, you and your earphones hahahaha. We make good chemistry pala ehem. I still can’t fathom you at all. Continue with your poems and may sadness be you motivation to be strong. Accept mo na kiss ko!

Kaycel, my one and only seh. You are sitting quietly not seeing me and my efforts for you seh. Joke lang! You are havey and kalog na huhu so proud of you. Love you and your jokes hihhihihi. Stay pretty!

I looked at the three boys sitting together and honestly, I don’t have any ide what you three are doing…. Heheheehe (sorry na). But Alexis, Naiza and I talked about you smart brain, you are smart. Aivan, pakopya sa Maaathhh! You have one of the best skills in Mathematics! Keep pushing forward! Suyu you are actually funny for me without doing anything, I think it is because of you and you actions hahaha. Agahan mo na din gaya ko! Dapat bibo ka!

I ran at Jaber who is holding a plastic full of quail eggs. Hingi ako!!! I smiled at the thought that your hands are so big unlike mine. You are holding a plastic that is so small compared to your palm. I don’t have many things to say to you but galingan mo sa SHS!!

I started eating my 2nd hinging-itlog-pugo and about to throw away the shells and I saw these two people, Alpo and Jelai, who are not even finished peeling the shells of their first one. (ilang mins na silang nagbabalat huhuhu). I laughed at them especially Jelai. You are always the cute and huggable one. And let me say this, your secrets are safe with me *winks 10x* and that, I’m here no matter what. Looking forward to more dramas, chikas and jokes with you!

Alpo, who just finished peeling hahahaha. I can’t say all things about you here but I’m very thankful for the comfort and warmth (ewan ko din bakit warmth). You are cute and cool naman kahit di mo na sabihin. You are still my master no matter what. And you are stronger than what you think. Stay cool master!

It is quite unusual but Gadds is sitting and watching quietly. I still don’t know why I had a crush on you back then…. Wala ako sa tamang pag-iisip. But here’s my message: Let’s be serious! Lalong lalo na sa SHS! Stay strong to you and Janine. Looking forward to more jokes!

Adrian, the mood maker. Silver isn’t the same without you. I know that we are not that close even if we are classmates back in elementary but I know one thing: you are smart. I still remember all of your stories about science. Keep it up!

I can’t help but to notice Lester who is very noisy. I don’t actually know how we two got close. You are a good friend and a Kuya after all. Looking forward to more news about you and Y and also, more tricycle rides!

I don’t know if it is unusual but Gaci is quietly watching. We knew Gaci as an “out of ordinary” guy but I know that there’s a lot going on in you too and we can’t fathom that either. But I hope for your genuine happiness!

There’s someone missing and I almost forgot. AIAAN! You weren’t in the room that time hehehe but know that you are busy processing you certifs and all. Even if we don’t share the same humor, secrets and inside jokes, I am very happy to become part of your high school life.

Danica and Joriza, how could I not notice you two. You guys bloomed your friendship since I-don’t-know when but I’m grateful to find people like you. Danica, I saw your passion in science more than anything and I hope you will continue that. Joriza, even if nasa phone ka lagi (kahit sa science time hehe) I know that you are good at English, verbally and all. Keep shining you two!

Jansen babe! I don’t know when we started calling each other babe kahit madami ka naang babe. I adore how you actually laugh at my jokes and sinasakyan mo all of my craziness. Let’s continue our “long walk” story neng!

Eds, you became addicted to Kpop and it is quite unexpected. We aren’t that much close but you always had that laugh whenever I joke. I’m still wondering why you don’t have any blemishes or visible pores on your face (inggit kami ni jelai huhu). Stay beautiful!

I looked beside Eds and smiled at Clare. This cute little fluffball! HAHAHAHA. I’m your most loyal customer and I haven’t changed at all (alam mo na yan). Looking forward to us dancing Bboom Bboom perfectly!

Leaning against the window, hahahaha si Raquel to. I still want you height more than ever. Let’s be real, you should eat more! And you may be an introvert but once you bloom, you will shine!

Then the first row of cute cinnamon roll hehehehe. Angeline, you are “maldita” sometimes and may be savage but I see kindness in you. Punta pa rin kami every fiesta ha?

I tried to run to have some kikiam from Biccan who is holding a cup-full. I can’t help to notice how you cutely turned you back against me (alam mo yata na hihingi ako hahaha). But seriously, thank you for all the foods ha? Nabusog ako!

Krisha, hehehe, you are sitting beside Gelli talking about I don’t know. I think that you two are busy reviewing. But Krisha, I know that you are one of the savages in you group and sometimes I wonder what have I done to deserve all of the “pambabara” from you but I know that we jokingly say those things. Hanap ka lang ng oppa!

Gelli, the tall one, I know that back then we are not always in good terms but I’m happy to see you change and joke with me. I still remember singing “oshiete oshiete” then you sang along because you also knew that song. Keep fangirling!

I was about to snap some pics of you guys but a quick James posed and stole the scene. A quick, “joke lang sensei” came out from his mouth. I almost forgot you, seriously hehehe. But I hope that we won’t lose our “alipin-sensei” bond. Stay strong sa inyo ng bebe mo!

They say high school life is the best years of your life,

And I looked at you all,

They are true.

And silver,

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

How could we grow so much in the past 2 years?

I tried to make my messages simple and easy to read

And you are worth every word, letters and tears.

YOU GUYS ARE MY HOME.

And since I’m a chicken,

LET’S ALL FLY HIGH, SILVER.

[fuck-customers]

I Am The Face of a Dumpster Fire

Hey, hey, it's social club girl again! Somehow my job managed to get worse. 

I came in one day to find the entire layout of the club rearranged. So I didn't know where to put breakfast for the members. When we finally figured it out people were moving things in and out of that room while I'm carrying heavy plates of food. 

Turns out a multi room seminar was going on that day that took over a majority of the club. As well as a one-room event as well. Well the people in the one room complained to me they got bumped, but that's not the issue here. The issue was an event that didn't make it onto the books. Because obviously we have no room. This woman in a red coat comes in and says she's here for a luncheon, I ask her if she means one of the two events going on throughout the building. She says no it's a luncheon she planned for 17 people. I tell her I don't see it listed in the computer, so I call the event manager on  her cellphone because she is NEVER in her office. She tells me that she had told this woman months ago that she WAS NOT on the books because obviously we were booked solid. I hang up and relay this info to red coat lady and she outwardly denies it to my face. She then starts freaking out at me saying that she has guests coming and demanding I get someone down here now. I called everyone I could and they all said someone would be down "shortly"  I tell this to red coat and that's not good enough. She is losing her shit in front of me. And her guests are coming in and she's telling them what happened while I have to stand there and smile. 

Our GM shows up and she IGNORES HIM and has me look up the number to a restaurant a few blocks away and the directions. She quickly books time there and tells her guests to go there. I do my best to help I even print walking directions. Our GM sees that she's worked out her problem and thinks everything is fine for now. He leaves and she doesn't acknowledge him and redirects more of her guests. Then she says to me,

"Now that my guests aren't standing right there can you get me your GM back?"

I call him and he's cheery on the phone but cheery like underneath he's ready shoot somebody or himself. I call him back and this woman goes on and on to him about how this has never happened and how she has had her luncheon here every year. He offers to flip a room but it would take some time. She refuses which makes sense since she sent her guests somewhere else. She eventually leaves and tells me to send any other guests to the other restaurant. 

After she leaves my boss comes downstairs and says to me that that woman had called in July (it was December) and they had told her they couldn't book her. She just blatantly IGNORED everything they said.

The worst part is even though it's not my fault, I have to be the poster girl for a business with a skeleton crew and managers that never answer when they're needed, staff that's inconsiderate and lazy (the kitchen always looks terrible , and higher ups who will ignore phone calls from specific people. And guess who gets all the backlash from members and clients? This gal.

Not only that on the same day our parking garage filled up entirely and people started complaining about it to me. I got a million phone calls about parking (I take public transport so I don't know how parking works here).

Also it runs terribly, I'm technically supposed to get lunch from our own kitchen everyday. The last time I ordered I never got it. Or they screw up the order. Or it's just bad food. So yesterday I decided I'll order delivery and then take my lunch break. I wait until a decent time and find out that the place I normally order form isn't taking deliveries. Great. My shift ended at 3. I got there at 7. 

Every time a call for a specific manager comes in she doesn't seem to ever pick up and then they call me back saying that her mailbox is full or they've been calling for weeks and haven't heard back. Protocol is to offer her email address. They DO NOT like that, because they complain she never answers fast enough or they never hear a reply.

This morning I had to use a gravy boat as an ice scoop because someone had moved it, and a police man showed up because our alarm went off. Didn't even hear it. But I was the only one there and it was 7:30 in the morning.  A maintenance guy let's me in and then takes his kids to school. Just me. I get up at 5am everyday to start my shift at 7. 

This place is driving me crazy. But I've been rejected from anything closer to home. 

[alghawy7blog]

GM Diet Guide||How Lose Weight ||Best Diet To Lose Weight

Welcome to the 21st century, where modern man has perfected the art of "Fast Food". It may not be completely true, but thanks to the era of the "Global Village", there is hardly any cuisine left in the work, which has not been the victim of this trend. It certainly is the need of the hour in the fast paced world, where so many people no longer have the time or patience to cook healthy food at home. It is ironic how the very population on whose shoulders the world economies are being built, are on the unhealthiest diets in the world.

Thanks to these realities, a considerable portion of this population is suffering from diseases like high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure etc. These are nothing but the direct results of these unhealthy food habits and lazy lifestyles. The youthful population is willing to work itself to death in today's day and age of competition, not realizing that they can do more with a healthy body. High Cholesterol is just the beginning. It can lead to severe heart-related ailments resulting in a shorter lifespan.

It is about time, that people should pay attention to this horror and address it by changing their lifestyle. In order to combat these modern evils, there are two major steps that should be taken. Firstly, change your diet. If you are what you eat, then you should only eat the good stuff. As a youngster, you should look to be ripped and always be ready for swimsuit season. To achieve this goal, you need to plan a step by step plan to measure your progress. Try to eat more raw foods like fruits and salads. You may even want to consider looking into the GM diet. You can try out this week-long plan once every month. It is excellent for detoxifying your body helps to lose up to 5-7 kilograms or 12-14 pounds in a week. Keeping weight in check is a great to fight high cholesterol.

Secondly, start dragging your rear end to the gym. It is unacceptable that a girl or a guy in their twenty's or thirty's being out of shape. There is no simply no excuse. Exercising should be part of your daily routine. Regular exercise boosts your metabolism and overall wellness. High Cholesterol levels are no match for a healthy lifestyle. Carve out at least an hour of light workout every day, and rest on Sunday.

Remember, the future of the human race depends on the youth of the world. So always keep this in mind, that when you do make it big, you better look like a million bucks as well.

Click here to take the best weight loss product. Score about 30 IBS from the first week. Just imagine that

You may love it or you may hate it, but I am very sure, if you are seeking for weight-loss methods, you can never ignore it. General Motors Diet or popularly known GM Diet, ranks highest in the most-sought diet charts. Surprisingly, I have yet not found any information about GM Diet on any of the official sites of General Motors (update me if I have missed any).

Various sites, blogs and forums have discussed about GM diet, but in a scattered manner. My primary intention behind this post is to represent various facets of this diet plan and to give a comprehensive overview, based on the experiences of my own as well as of my friends.

BACKGROUND:

This diet plan was introduced at a general meeting of General Motors Corp. on 15th August 1985, initially intended for the use of the employees of General Motors company, to facilitate wellness and fitness. It was granted by the United States Agricultural Department and the FDA, further tested by the Johns Hopkins Research Centre.

It was designed as a 'De-toxification diet program', to improve ones metabolism through its cleansing systemic effects, reflected by an improved disposition and a feeling of well being. As an end-result, a weight loss of 4-6 kgs was expected within the program-week.

THE PLAN:

Here is the day-wise diet plan and its dietary significance. I have added few things from my experience and experiments, which worked.

Day 1:

Fruits of any kind (except bananas) in any quantity. The most preferred fruits are the melons and cantaloupes, due to their high water content. In addition, you should drink at least 10 glasses of water.

By eating fruits, you are preparing your system for the upcoming program. Fresh fruits are nature's perfect food, providing all essential elements needed to sustain life. Fruits are also a good source of antioxidants and are fiber-rich. Fruits are also considered as a negative-calorie food, thus burning more calories for its digestion than those provided.

Believe me, I have done GM diet twice and have found this day the most difficult one. Firstly because of the sweetish taste of all fruits, and further due to an intense craving for bread or spices, that one develops towards the end of the day. The solution for this is the Soup to break the monotony of the fruity taste.

Day 2:

The day can start with a large baked potato with one pat of butter for breakfast. It definitely fills you with complex carbohydrates to start your day after the first sweety-fruity day.

For the rest of the day, you should eat all sorts of vegetables of your choice, raw or cooked. Vegetables have very less calories, high in nutrients and fiber. There is no limit on the amount. This should be added with drinking at least 10 glasses of water.

One can also mash a baked potato, add some onion & curd, and spice it up with chaat masala & red chilli powder and pinch of salt.

Day 3:

This day consists of a combination of fruits and vegetables of your choice, except banana & potato. In addition, you should drink at least 10 glasses of water. Potato is avoided on this day since the carbohydrates are available from the fruits that you eat.

One can do varieties of salads mixed with fruit slices. If you take more cucumber and melons, it's more likely to lose weight than any other vegetables or fruits. Adding a curd to vegetable salad, in a 'raita' form will make it more palatable towards the evening, when it gets monotonous.

Day 4:

A day when you can eat nothing but eight bananas coupled with three glasses of milk. It is not mandatory to eat 8 bananas; you can have less as well. In fact, you might feel satisfied within 4-5 bananas within the whole day. This is the day when you can clearly feel your food-craving diminishing significantly. It feels divine, to get over your 'desires'. Do not forget to drink at least 10 glasses of water, as always.

Bananas will act as a provider of carbohydrates that is easy to digest, coupled with sodium and potassium reserve.

Day 5:

This is considered as a 'Feast day', where you should eat up to two portions of lean beef (10 oz.) combined with six whole tomatoes - as a source of fiber. On this day, you should increase your daily water intake to at least 14 glasses. This is to cleanse your system of the uric acid getting produced. You will experience colorless urine on this day.

Beef is a source of proteins & iron, and thus an alternative can be paneer (tofu - soya paneer for better results) coupled with mushrooms for the vegetarians. Many people have recommended rice as a replacement to beef, but if one considers the nutritive contents, rice can not be the right surrogate.

Day 6:

Another day with beef and vegetables. Today you can eat any amount of beef combined with cooked or raw vegetables. Keep your daily water intake to 14 glasses. You can add the Soup to add some spice to your day.

Iron and proteins from the beef or paneer-mushroom combination, while fiber and nutrients from the vegetables. Till this time, you must have experienced an energetic feeling and an awareness of the power of natural food items.

Day 7:

The food intake on this day should consist of a bowl of brown rice with fruit juices and any vegetables you want to eat. Drink 14 glasses of water.

Click here to take the best weight loss product. Score about 30 IBS from the first week. Just imagine that

The juices will break the fast (?) providing the essential nutrients along with the vegetable stuffing. The brown rice provides the carbohydrates.

Now you must be at least 4 kgs lighter than day one, yet more energetic and free from the cravings for high-calorie stuff.

The Soup:

The following soup is a modified version of the GM Wonder Soup since it is not possible to get the Lipton Onion soup mix everywhere, as suggested in GM Soup. The modified soup goes parallel to the 'rassam' or 'saaram', served in south India. This soup is allowed to be consumed in large quantities throughout the program. It is intended as a supplement to your diet.

Boil few large-cut onions, tomatoes, cabbage, and celery in water. Add the sambhar masala for the taste. You may also add tomato-puree (but with the skin) instead of tomatoes to make it thicker. One can season it with herbs and flavorings. You may also add: asparagus, peas, corn, cauliflower, green beans or finely chopped mushroom.

General instructions for all days:

You may squeeze a lemon to flavor the water that you drink every day.

No alcohol of any kind since it adds empty calories.

Salt should be used as less as possible.

Use artificial sweetener, in case you can't stay away from the sweet taste.

No fruit juices till day seven.

Black coffee or tea is allowed.

You may repeat the schedule, if you want further weight loss, but it is suggested that you should take a gap of at least two weeks in between two schedules.

========

Click here to take the best weight loss product. Score about 30 IBS from the first week. Just imagine that

Now the most important part: the doubts, accusations and myths.

"It works just by losing the water content of the body and not actually a fat loss."

a.    Firstly, there is no mention of restricting the water intake on any day. How can one lose only water if we are consuming at least 10-14 glasses of water every day, added with the unlimited quantity of soup and the water contained in the melons, fruits and vegetables?

b.    It basically acts on the principle of 'negative calorie foods' where you are consuming certain foods that demand more calories to burn themselves than what they provide themselves. High-fiber food stuffs you but doesn't provide the required calories, instead demands more calories to burn themselves, which is derived from the stored energy-deposits.

"Skin gets dry and you may lose your hair during and after the GM diet."

a.    At least I have not met anyone in my acquaintance complaining of this, but found this on few blog-posts. The reason can be insufficient amount of water intake and not supplying enough protein sources on specific days.

"It is a temporary loss and you regain all lost weight in couple of weeks."

a.    Obviously, if you resume your high-calorie food once again. It is not difficult to lose weight, but to maintain it. Malvika, my wife who is a dietician, always recommends a maintenance diet program after the GM diet schedule as follows:

i.    Only liquids in the form of soups, buttermilk or fruit juices for dinner on three consecutive days in a week. This should be followed endlessly, until you want your weight to bounce back.

ii.    Drink plenty of water as if you are on GM diet.

iii.    Exercise regularly.

"It's just a Crash-diet and a Fad, nothing else!!"

a.    First of all, it is not promoted as a weight-loss diet, but a Detox diet that cleanses your system from within. Weight loss is just a by-product of it.

b.    Even if one looks at it as a 'crash-diet', it surely will not harm you, but will 'move' your weight in the least period, thus motivating many who tend to leave their regular diet and exercise regimens within first month, for not getting desired results. Once you can 'see' your weight dropping, it boosts your will to try further.

c.    As said above, it is futile unless you back it up with a maintenance program. You can not be on GM diet for lifetime, nor you can or should do it every month. Instead use is as an initial-motivator and switch to a liquid-dinner course later.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE:

I myself have done GM diet twice. The first time I was very sincere in following it. Thanks to my wife and my mother, who made all arrangements for the foods on each day. I lost 4 kgs towards the fifth day. I could not lose any further on the last two days and I presume that to the rice I ate, as a substitute to the beef. The lost weight remained there for a month, in spite of not maintaining it actively. I could have lost at least half a kilo more, if I would have stayed away from the rice, which in any case I do not like to eat.

The next time I started it, but had to leave it in between due to some unavoidable circumstances. But had seen significant change in my weight and the energy level for the four days that I followed it.

The most significant gain has been with my lipids coming down to normal. I have had really bad lipid levels for two years and after following GM diet twice, being on statins and taking self-prescribed homeopathic medicines for the same, the latest levels of lipids were perfectly within normal limits. The credit goes to the high-fiber rich GM diet as well.

THE CONCLUSION:

If followed sincerely, GM diet has a definite positive effect of its own on our metabolism. I agree that it is not an end in itself, and one needs to maintain the metabolism by appropriate food habits and exercise regimen. GM diet can not be a 'quick & easy' substitute to 'efforts', but surely can be a booster for those who have never seen their weight going downhill, providing a 'kick-start'.

As Malvika says, 'one should take a diet that s/he can follow for the lifetime...' and that's true! You can never have GM diet for everyday, since there are so many delicacies around to enjoy, but for that we need to have a balanced metabolism, so that we can give them their due justice.

Realistically, about half the population will admit that they are unhappy with their physique. However, losing weight is not as difficult as many would believe. All it takes is willingness to commit and a little bit of effort on your behalf. Okay, honestly, it takes a great deal of effort and dedication, but it is definitely worth it in the end.

We have a special new diet plan to help you lose weight and slim down in just 7 days! This diet plan is the top vegetarian diet to lose weight safely and effectively!

GM Vegetarian Diet 

This vegetarian version of the GM Diet Plan consists of vegetables, legumes, fruits and limited starches. In order to prep your body for this diet, you should eliminate alcohol during the diet, as well as few days prior to starting the plan. This is important as alcohol retains water as it increase the uric acid level, which then prevents the body from detoxifying naturally.

Another key factor of The GM Vegetarian Diet is to drink up to eight to 10 glasses of water per day. As you will be greatly cutting back on the number of carbohydrates you would normally consume, water will act as your main source of energy during this time. Not only will it speed up your metabolism, but it will help naturally remove those extra, unwanted pounds.

For those who have tried this plan previously, or who plan to continue beyond the initial seven day period, it is recommended that you give your body a break for two to three days prior to resuming the diet. This will give your body time to adjust to the new level of nutritional consumption and help reduce any stress on your system as well.

Day 1:

Warning: the first day is always the hardest so try to resist any temptations! Today you will be partaking of fruits only. With the exception of bananas, litchi, mango and grapes; you can eat any fruits in any quantity you wish. However, the most beneficial fruits include melons, strawberries, lime, pomegranate, apples and oranges. You can have up to 20 servings of fruit only today.

Day 2:

Instead of all fruits, today you are only able to consume solely vegetables. However, you can eat as much as you want. Boiled, steamed, roasted, and raw... anything but fried or battered! You should begin your second day with a baked or boiled potato with a just a teaspoon of butter. This will provide your body with the proper amount of carbohydrates and energy required for the day. However, after this, you can only consume veggies.

Limit yourself to only one potato today. If you want to add some zest to your meals, simply add a pinch of basil or oregano. Day 2 is basically a calorie-free day, however, it is chock full of essential vitamins, nutrients and plenty of fiber! If you can survive Day 2, you definitely have what it takes to stick to this diet!

Click here to take the best weight loss product. Score about 30 IBS from the first week. Just imagine that

"Disclaimer" : When someone clicks on the link in the article and buys the product, I will get a little commission. I like the explanation