#me and my never ending hyperfixation is back

[sapphire-draw]

Now that I've got a new phone I guess I'll have to pick a new background image...? Haven't touched it in 2 years...

*sigh*

Sorry Shadow, you've been dethroned.

[peaches2217]

Having been raised in a cult that started off as a legitimate church and now seeking faith on my own terms, I’ve recently (as in, like, three days ago) developed a hyperfixation for researching various denominations of Christianity. It’s incredible, how little I knew about what denominations actually believe what.

TW: Reflections on religious extremism and experiences (nothing traumatic, I’m keeping this lighthearted, but I know it can be touchy!)

When my cult was still a church, it was an Assemblies of God church, and I’m fairly certain they still hold to a lot of that doctrine, just with even more heaping helpings of fire and brimstone and doomsday. We were taught to jokingly view Southern Baptists (or just “Baptists,” because they refused to acknowledge American Baptists and I didn’t even realize American Baptism was a THING until recently) as our rivals: they were our polar opposite in practice but equals in theology, and all other denominations just couldn’t get it right or were too scared to break free from Catholicism. We were told Catholics and those who worshiped and believed like them weren’t true Christians and destined for Hell. There was no interdenominational unity and collaboration, nor was there any encouragement to look at other denominations’ doctrine. Ours was right, the Baptists were close enough, and nothing else held any sort of merit.

(I’m pretty sure now they’ve even cut out the Baptist sympathetics, and while it’s become wholly self-contained, they’re still accepted as an AoG church — albeit a more extreme example of the denomination — but I can’t say any of that with certainty. I’d ask my dad but, well, he’s still wholly devoted to the cult, I don’t trust him to be objective in his view. 😅)

I briefly attended an Episcopal church before I moved last year, mostly because it was the polar oppose of what I was raised in and there was something very comforting about that (plus they’re openly supportive of things like LGBTQ+ rights), but ultimately my dad and FB friends kinda shamed me out of attending because “There’s no blessing in structure, sis!”. My hope was to start going to the Episcopal church here where I currently live, but when I showed up last week, there were exactly two people and they gave me rather dirty looks, so I quickly high-tailed it back to my car.

I ended up at a Methodist church because I was running behind and theirs was the only non-Baptist service that hadn’t started yet, and… I dunno. They had some trappings of my birth cult, sang some of the same songs, but there was also a structure to things like I’d seen in the Episcopal church. No hour-long praise and worship where you make a show of screaming and crying harder than anyone else, followed by an hour-long sermon that leads into another two-hour stretch of loud music and light shows and shouldaboughtahyundai steadIboughtakias until everyone was either unconscious or in a state of religious ecstasy; there was an order to things, with opportunities to take time in private prayer at the alter or at your seat, and the sermon was heartfelt and impactful but never once delved into the pastor screaming frantically into the mic. I followed their website to the official doctrine of the United Methodist denomination, and I was shocked to find that I agreed with most of it.

And that shocked me because, due to their notoriously liberal stances and heavy Catholic influence, my dad and those around me always told me that the Episcopal church isn’t really respectable. Most of them, however, consider Methodism a perfectly legitimate denomination that gets enough right to be deemed a proper church… and their doctrine isn’t much more conservative than Episcopalian doctrine. They have no formal stance on queer issues (which I’ll take over “Y’all are going to Hell” any day) but they’re vocal proponents of social justice and sexual education, both things I was taught growing up are evil.

And that’s the long-winded explanation of how I got to where I am now: digging deep into what each denomination actually believes, because I knew my viewpoint was limited by experience and further restrained by indoctrination and trauma, but holy fuck, I didn’t realize just how crazy my cult’s beliefs were until I started comparing all the doctrine. Of course doctrine isn’t everything, I know that, but the more I read, the more and more I realize that the faith I was raised in wasn’t all that Christlike after all.

A side note: my boss let me take half a day off on Sunday to go back to that church. The pastor’s husband came up and greeted me, told me his wife had mentioned meeting me, asked me a couple questions, standard New Person in Church-type stuff. I got about two questions in before I was shaking visibly and so scared I went briefly nonverbal, because for how kindly I’ve been treated and how strong my faith is, I’ve still got hella religious trauma. I alluded to being raised in church and had my trans and enby pride bracelets on, along with my bigender symbol necklace, so I’m pretty sure he could infer exactly why I was so scared.

He clasped my hand and said, in a quiet voice with a little smile, “You’re safe here. This is a safe place. We’re so glad you’re here.” I couldn’t say anything except thank you, but I hope it was enough to express just how deeply those words impacted me.

[dropthedemiurge]

Okay so while most of ongoing BLs come to an end and anticipated new GMMTV projects only started production, guys, make sure to check out LOVE FOR LOVE'S SAKE. I'm begging you, it's so good and it's underrated as hell.

It only has 8 episodes and the story is both soft and fun - and also deep and meaningful. The chemistry is amazing and dialogues are chef's kiss. Also Korean cinematography here is by levels better than Thai one. Just dive into it without any spoilers (!) and watch right till the end! And then you'll probably want to rewatch it because the hidden details unravel itself beautifully in the ending.

It's about second chances, about finding your love in another reality, about being kind and accepting love in return. It's also about little happiness in the shape of an ice cream, about standing up against homophobic bullies with sickest burns, about family - found and not, about running through time and space to your happiness because you're endlessly tired but you still have hope and don't want to give up.

I don't want to spoil anything. This show was released in 2 weeks and that's why it slipped the tumblr community's eyes but trust me when I say it'll be easily on top of my favourite BLs in 2024. I'd love to see any other series come close.

Just take a leap of faith and dive deep in Love for Love's Sake (Love Supremacy Zone)<3

Bonus: one dude in this show straight up embraced his new sexual orientation and was coming out on the spot only so he can punch another dude for saying slurs. What a king.

[gammija]

if im being totally honest with myself, i think the show in it's totality would've been best if it had ended right after Matryoshka. Not that there haven't had fun or sincere or interesting or unsettling episodes since then, but it was both the last finale i really felt emotionally, as well as a natural place to end it

[compacflt]

Bro I've read so many incomplete fics where the last post is from the author saying next week for sure and then to not post anything for like years where the like 5 obsessed fans are still waiting haha. You're doing great, take care of yourself, you're doing this for free and don't owe us anything.

this is true & i appreciate you anon

but i owe it to Myself to get out of my top gun phase ASAP so it can stop taking up all my mf TIME‼️‼️‼️

[endbeginning]

and if i said.... pet.er peve.nsie.....

[5-htagonist]

i love art, im very grateful for adderall for gifting me with the executive function, ease of prioritization, and clearness of thought <3

[drifloonz]

steven/mocha is canon

[scatterpatter]

I just really like my niche SMRPG AU, sue me

Bonus tarot misadventures:

[aro-aizawa]

me, first watching wtdsik: i will not become a mega fan of kalego i will not. i refuse. yes he shows hints of caring for his students occasionally but--

episode s2 ep 12 kalego' home visit: hi

me: FUCK.

[luvsavos]

unironically bossgat lives in my brain rent free

[eggmeralda]

listening to my february-june 2022 playlist which led to ⬇️

[simonpetrilove]

fionna and cake: episode 2 is like all i've ever wanted ever since i was 12

[truffulacore]

I was like so ready to put my 3 lads in weehawken and then like days before it began I had a massive Moment and died and then came back but now I cannot bring myself to actually join so like. ruth dreampop and carlin are just there on the list but I guess they haven't spoken to a single person yet skfhskfj

[timegears-moved]

trying desperately to cling onto my hxh hyperfixation like it's my lifeline

[devotedlystrangewizard]

"being autistic is about being bad at reading social cues" "being autistic is about stimming & sensory overload" NO.

this is autism.