#me half a year later: time to reply to kay | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

impossiblesuitcase · 8 months ago

Text

Progeny

Dr. Erland does not die of Letumosis. When the dust of the revolution settles, he must navigate his relationship with Cress and learn how to be—not just her father—but her friend.

Dr. Dimitri Erland was not Dimitri Erland at all. He was a husk of man; his sanity ravaged, memory, sense, morality all lost to the decaying recesses of his mind.

The mind of a brilliant scientist. The mind of a senile old man.

He remembered Logan Tanner, the head doctor at the Artemisian Medical Centre. Ever sharp, always well-spoken. Never that chummy with any of the other prominent doctors. Eyes perpetually set on galaxies far beyond their rock. He remembered seizing Logan by his collar, slamming him against the wall of an alleyway and demanding the location of Princess Selene. That man hadn’t been Logan at all. A limp rag doll lost to Lunar sickness, the creature inhabiting his body something inhuman.

Dimitri had never imagined himself becoming that way, but as he wrestled against restraints in a bed in the hospital wing of the Lunar palace, he began to understand why Logan took his own life.

He had managed to keep the visions at bay for years. But when he heard that his Crescent Moon had been stabbed, was half dead, all threads of sanity snapped.

He couldn’t forgive himself. He should die, not her. He hadn’t even mustered up the courage to tell her the truth. To tell her how much he loved her.

Dimitri existed in a daze. Emperor Kai visited him once, silent, hair unruly and eyes circled by the deep purple bags. His queen visited later, clutching her wound with a grimace, casting a worried gaze over his form. She told him that they were developing a prototype of Linh Garan’s device and that he would be one of the first recipients. We can fix you, she assured him.

Weeks or months or millenniums passed before he was informed by a chipper nurse that he would receive the device that afternoon.

Not long after she had left, the door cracked open. He wanted to ask for water, but these days any attempt at speech usually came out as a drunken slur, rambled and incoherent even to his own ears.

It was not the nurse. Cress came to his bedside, hovering at a distance. Her brow was creased. She looked pale, a little gaunt. But she was alive.

Seeing him conscious, she gulped. “Sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I…I heard you were unwell.”

Dimitri’s fingers twitched, desperate to reach for her but unable. Restrained by the bonds, and his own conscience.

Cress produced a flower from her coat pocket. It was a soft pink. He had no idea of its name. “These made me feel better when I was recovering. I thought it might help you too.”

She set the flower on his bedside table, gazing at it, and for the first time in weeks, he truly spoke.

“...Why?”

She jumped, startled eyes landing on him. “Wh–why what?”

“Why would you bring me this? Why do you care?” His voice was gravelly, barely comprehensible, as though wolfen soldiers had run their claws down his throat.

Her head tilted to the side as she thought. “I’m not sure. I know you did a lot of bad things, but I also know it took you a lot of courage to help Cinder. I think…you are a good man, with all you did for her.”

I didn’t do it for her, I did it for you.

She allowed a small smile. “She told me that you had a daughter, a shell, like me. And that you wanted to save her but couldn’t. I always dreamed that my parents missed me. I don’t think that anymore but…it’s nice to know that some people did care about us shells.”

Gratitude coloured her sky-blue eyes. With a final nod, she turned and began walking back to the door.

“Everything I did,” he wheezed, “was for you.”

She froze, glancing over her shoulder. “Uh—yes,” was her uncertain reply. “For us shells. Thank you.”

“No. Not for the shells. For you. My girl. My Crescent Moon.”

Cress bristled, something harsh invading her soft features. “How do you know my full name?”

All breath left his lungs. “Because I named you.”

———

It was confounding—not realising how blind you have been until your sight has been returned to you. As the device took fast effect, Dimitri now understood that he had been mad for many years. With this fresh clarity of mind he could recognise the gravity of what he had done.

Cress wouldn’t look him in the eyes. Cinder insisted that she was merely in shock and simply needed time to come to terms with this revelation. To expedite that process, she assigned him to join the Rampion Crew in distributing the Letumosis antidote to the American Republic. His medical expertise and knowledge of the disease would be crucial to eradicating it as soon as practicable. Being in close quarters with his reluctant daughter was simply an unfortunate side effect.

The first few weeks on board were awkward to say the least. Dimitri kept himself cooped up in his room most of the time, researching and writing, sharing his findings with the heads of Letumosis research across Earth—most of them old friends. They were understandably hesitant, knowing now of his deception all these years. But they needed his help and they didn’t have the luxury to not accept it.

Cress busied herself spending time with Miss Benoit, Mr Kesley, and of course, her boyfriend. For all his disdain for the young cad, Dimitri acknowledged that he was the captain of the ship, and in that, he would not question his lead.

As a beau to his daughter, his opinion had not changed.

Meals were the worst. Friendly comradery, joking and smiles. At some point, a gaze would unintentionally fall onto him, having forgotten that he was there to begin with, and their smiles would falter.

He began eating in his room. It was during one such meal that he heard a knock on his door.

“Can I come in?”

Dimitri said nothing, yet Carswell Thorne entered all the same. “Hey Doc. Finished eating?”

“No, but does it matter?” grumbled Dimitri, already nettled by the boy’s overly casual address.

Carswell was undeterred. “I have a request for you for the next antidote run.”

He raised an eyebrow. Dimitri was the researcher. He hadn’t yet done much else.

“We’ve got to deliver the antidote by 10:00. But we’re also slated to pick up supplies for the ship at the same time. We need someone to go receive the order. Scarlet, Wolf and I are probably better suited to hauling antidote crates off the ship, so I was hoping you two would be willing to meet with the vendor for us.”

“Us two?”

“You and Cress.”

Dimitri sat up in his chair. “What? Have you told her this?”

He scoffed. “Obviously. Aces, do you think I go around forcing Cress into things without her permission? I’m not that bad of a boyfriend.”

Dimitri dropped his knife onto his plate with a clang. “If she agreed to it…”

Carswell sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Listen, Doctor, I have to respect you. You haven’t put pressure on Cress. I appreciate that. But one of you has got to fill this awful chasm between you. You both seem to deal with confrontation in the exact same way: avoiding it entirely.” He chuckled. “Must be a genetic trait.”

For Cress to be anything like him was a simultaneous bloom of hope and a dagger to his chest.

“The way I see it, if you don’t start trying to patch things up now, you’ll never have a relationship. You don’t want that, do you?”

“I want her to be happy.”

“So do I. But Cress seems to interpret the space you’re giving her as rejection, regardless of how I reason with her.” He huffed, but there was fondness laced through it. “She always wanted parents who cared about her. Show her that you do, and then she might start to believe it.”

Dimitri scrutinised the Captain, searching for complacency or condescension on his face. He could only detect sincerity.

“You love my daughter, don’t you?”

“I do.”

He knew it was true. Whenever Cress complained of pain around her stab wound, a stormy expression clouded Carswell’s face. Dimitri may not entirely trust the boy, but this he knew was fact.

He sighed. “I’ll go with her. But I won’t push her.”

“I don’t want you to.”

“Then what do you want me to do?”

Carswell moved away from the doorframe, shrugging. “Try to be her friend.”

He sauntered away, appearing so confident he seemed eons older than Dimitri. For the first time, the doctor felt a flicker of begrudging respect for him.

If the Captain had succeeded in winning his daughter’s heart, perhaps Dimitri could learn something from him.

———

Dimitri had no idea what to say to Cress as they met with the vendor. Fortunately, she seemed to have endless questions prepared for him.

“Where did you grow up?” “Who were your parents?” “Did you have any siblings?” These were simple, safe questions, but as she broached into “Who is my mother?” and “What work did you do for the queen?” his responses veered into shameful territory.

Noting his hesitation, she said, “You don’t have to tell me.”

“No. There should be no secrets between us. Your mother is also a scientist. I believe she’s still alive.”

Her gaze was thoughtful as she approached the next storage crate. With their limited stature they both had to lean on their toes to peer inside. “Should we tell her that we’re both alive?”

Dimitri sighed, scratching his brow. “I don’t believe that would be wise, Crescent. She…she didn’t want you. The moment she discovered you were a shell she…” his mouth grew heavy with salvia, “she wanted you dead.”

Cress began to nod slowly. “Will you go back to her?”

“No. After you were born, I could never look at her the same way again. Every time she smiled at me, all I could see was her revulsion when she handed you over to Sybil.” He exhaled shakily. “I did love her, but I could have never loved her more than you.”

Cress was silent, busy marking items off the list, but her hands were trembling around the portscreen. “It’s okay. When I was in the dormitories, I contacted the parents of one of the shells with me, a boy named Julian. But they didn’t want him back. I suppose I’m lucky that I had at least one parent that wanted me.”

When she smiled at him, his heart pounded.

It was once they had approved the order and begun the walk back to the Rampion that he ventured to ask his first question. “How did you grow up? You must tell me, please, what Sybil did to you.”

Cress did. She told him of her childhood, how she discovered her talent with electronics, her years in the satellite and her trek through the desert. Her eyes sparkled as she recounted falling in love with Carswell. She shamefully admitted her role in fueling Levana’s power.

“That was not your fault, Crescent.”

“I was her programmer,” Cress resisted. “I could have pretended that it wasn’t possible to spy on Earth. She would have never had the upper hand.”

“Yes, she would have,” he corrected. “Cress, I knew her. Nothing would have stopped her. All you did, you did to survive.”

She shook her head, eyes glassy. “So many lives were lost, and I was a part of the equation.”

Dimitri knew he should do something, say something assuring, but words would not reach through her guilt. And then, without second-guessing it, he gingerly laid a hand on her shoulder.

She blinked at him but did not pull away.

“I created the mutant Lunar soldiers. I understand what you’re feeling.”

He admitted to her all his wrongdoing and she listened. His deeds of horror didn’t draw her away from him, rather, she asked more and more questions, all the way until they reached the Rampion’s docking hatch. She of course became distracted by Carswell and the others, and before they knew it, lunch and unpacking and dinner had passed and all parties were off in their rooms preparing for bed without the pair having ever formally finished their conversation.

It was a start, a great start. Dimitri repeated this as he trudged down the hallway to the bathroom.

“He’s done a lot of bad things,” he heard Cress say. His feet stalled beneath him. “But he has a good heart.”

The voice slipped through the crack of Miss Benoit’s door. “Well that’s good. Bad things can be made up for, but it’s difficult to fix a rotten heart,” said Scarlet.

Cress sniffled. “I know. It’s just—it’s still strange to have a father.”

He heard the rustle of bedsheets and imagined Scarlet taking Cress into her arms. “Trust me, Cress—there’s far worse fathers to have.”

———

Now, instead of tiptoeing around each other, Dimitri and Cress reached a comfortable understanding. Their conversations—although still sparse—grew more frequent by the day. Dimitri noticed a general improvement in his mood, a gentler lean of his speech. Even the other members of the crew had begun to fold him into their moments of revelry.

It was in one such moment that these bonds were tested.

Cress lay her hand of cards on the table. “And I win.”

All at the table groaned as Cress bested them for the fourth time.

“How?!” Scarlet whined. “You have disproportionate luck.”

“I have the luck,” Carswell grumbled, dejectedly resting his head on his forearm. “I think she stole it.”

Cress giggled.

Dimitri straightened his cards into a uniform stack. He hadn’t won, though he was in the running for it if he had used some of his old tricks. Then he’d seen the glint in Cress’s eyes and knew with certainty that she was playing them all.

When Carswell delivered her a particularly petulant scowl, Cress held up her hands in surrender. “Okay, I won’t play the next round. Give your luck a shot.”

Carswell stuck out his tongue at her and gathered up everyone’s cards. The round proceeded as usual; Carswell’s smack talk, Scarlet’s serious look of concentration, Wolf barely paying attention, too busy idly twisting his fingers around her curls. Dimitri had an average hand, nothing special, but it was the perfect candidate for one of those old bluffs he had learnt back in his days on Luna. He and some of his fellow doctors used to play poker or blackjack; some would even bet using the money they earned from performing plastic surgeries for thaumaturges and Artemisian hopefuls.

Cress caught his eye. His mouth turned up on one side. She smirked.

When Dimitri won the round, the groans were even louder.

“Are you both cheating? I’m pretty sure you’re cheating,” Scarlet complained.

“It’s not cheating, it’s strategy,” Dimitri and Cress said in unison. Their gazes flickered together with some surprise.

Scarlet thrust her cards away from her. “Oh who cares, anyway?”

“I do!” Carswell cried.

Cress rested her head against his arm, smiling up at him. “Captain, you know you’re still better than me at poker. But statistically, I have to win sometimes.”

He pouted. “You’re already a genius. This was one thing I could claim! Now what do I have to offer you?”

“Your love and affection?”

Wolf, Scarlet and Dimitri all stood at once as if sensing the tender moment and wanting to get out before things got gushy.

“I’ll start on dinner,” she announced. “Wolf, you’re on chopping duty.”

Wolf trailed after her like a loyal puppy. Knowing that following them would lead to another equally romantic and uncomfortable situation, Dimitri rerouted to the hallway, catching the last tendrils of Cress and the Captain’s conversation as he went.

“It’s not just you. The Doctor beat me too! It’s like you’ve both got something against me.”

With a laugh, Cress said, “I guess it must be the family curse.”

———

“Is that all that’s left?” Wolf asked as he began hauling a crate of antidote up the ramp of the ship.

Cress checked her portscreen. “Looks like it. Only eleven crates were assigned to us.”

Scarlet, who was shifting the crates into a neat row, frowned. “That’s a lot less than our normal pickup. Are they running out of antidote?”

Carswell charged onboard, rubbing his hands together. “That’s Cinder’s problem. Let’s bounce, people. We gotta get a move-on if we want to make it to the Cali’s New Year’s fireworks tomorrow.”

Dimitri, scanning over the figures on the antidote allotment order, was not so quick to shrug off this irregularity. It was less stock than normal, and judging by the scheduled deliveries over the next month, they would only just manage to have enough.

He commed his queen that evening.

Cinder sighed over the link. “We’re running out. There’s still so much demand for it on Earth and Luna, and with the synthetic version still only in the developmental stage, our supply is dwindling.”

“Can you not enlist more shells to supply the ingredients for the standard antidote in the meantime?” Dimitri suggested.

“We have. Some of them have agreed, but most of the shells aren’t willing to donate. Most of them are only kids, you know.”

He clucked his tongue. “Then perhaps they are too young to understand what’s at stake.”

Cinder asked him to think over some alternative solutions and to get back to her with a response. Over the next weeks, Dimitri made this his sole topic of study.

They were about to land in Miami when Cress peered into the empty crates with worry. “I hope we’ll have enough left.”

Dimitri was alone with her in the dock, fishing through a new shipment of medical supplies. He looked up. “Enough for today, yes. For our entire planned run? Difficult to say.”

Cress twiddled her thumbs. “I can’t stand the thought of leaving without curing everyone.”

He sighed. “Until we fix the supply issue—”

“What supply issue?”

He blinked. He supposed he hadn’t made the others privy to his research. “Luna is running out of the antidote.”

She leant her back on a crate. “I thought they were manufacturing the synthetic antidote now.”

“It’s still only in the developmental stage. All we have is what was manufactured under Levana’s reign. Cinder has asked me to come up with a strategy to manage the limited supply.”

Cress smiled at him hopefully. “So…what have you got?”

He swallowed, pulling a diagnostic monitor from the box. It was a thin bracelet that could determine oxygen levels, blood pressure and heart rate. He slipped it around his wrist. “Well unfortunately it seems the only way we could manufacture more antidote right now is if we extracted samples from ungifted Lunars.”

Her smile fell. “Oh. Are there not enough volunteers?”

“Virtually none. Most shells are unwilling to donate samples.”

“Of course. We’ve been test subjects our whole lives. It’s hard to trust that they wouldn’t just lock us away again.”

He pursed his lips.

She lifted off the crate and sighed. “Well, I’m sure you’ll come up with something.”

As she left the bay, the monitor beeped. He checked the reading. Heart rate 91bpm—higher than normal. He wondered if that was why he felt bizarrely nervous.

———

“Doctor, could I borrow your port? The overseer wants the antidote clearance code and Thorne took my port to comm Scarlet.”

“Of course, Cress,” said Dimitri, unclipping it from his belt and handing it over. Usually their job was to deliver the antidote crates and let the local authorities administer it. But the breakout here was so severe that the victims were waiting by the ship. The line spanned half the block, people coughing, crying, some slumped on the ground in a heap. Carswell had given Wolf and Scarlet the day off to explore Miami, but with the unexpected workload, he was trying to hail them back.

Dimitri took four vials and approached a young sickly boy in the front of the line.

“Hello there. I have something for you.”

He held out the vial to the boy, but when he was too weak to grasp it, Dimitri placed the vial at his lips and coaxed it down. The boy began choking on the liquid. Though Dimitri tried to force him to swallow it, the boy shoved away from him.

“You need to drink all of it, son,” he advised.

The boy shook resistantly, whipping his head away each time Dimitri steered the vial back to him.

After several minutes of struggling, he sighed and discarded the vial. “I can only hope that was sufficient.”

He proceeded down the line over the next hour. Carswell and Cress unpacked the antidote and passed it to him as he went. Scarlet and Wolf reappeared by the end and helped with the final stragglers.

Finally, they boarded their ship, near ready to drop dead into sleep. Dimitri only managed to prop himself up in a chair before he felt his eyelids flutter shut.

“Doctor.”

He peeled his eyes open. Cress was standing in front of him. Her hands were locked around his port.

“Ah, thank you,” he murmured, reaching a hand out to retrieve it.

Her expression was enigmatic but eclipsed with iciness. “What is this?”

She flicked on the screen and showed it to him. Once his eyes adjusted to the glare of the light, he read the title and paused.

“Well?”

“It’s, um”—he coughed—“it’s my findings in the project her Majesty requested me to research.”

“I read it.”

His face darkened. “It wasn’t yours to read.”

“I thought there were no secrets between us,” she said coldly.

She snatched the port back to herself, scrolling up and reading aloud a phrase, “I advise that the only means possible of maintaining a sufficient antidote supply is to legally enforce the retrieval of samples from ungifted Lunars, irrespective of their personal feelings and consent.”

Her voice spoke the words with a greater vitriol than he’d ever heard from her.

“Yes—well—”

“You want to steal their blood? Force them to volunteer?”

Her glare was poison. His lungs twitched.

“Crescent, I understand the ethical ambiguity—”

“Ambiguity? What’s not clear?” She thrust the port towards him. “That was perfectly clear to me. You just want to use us shells as lab rats.”

Dimitri pushed back into the chair. “Crescent. I can appreciate your apprehension. But they are mere children. They do not comprehend the gravity of the matter. Millions could die if we do not obtain enough antidote.”

“They were stolen from their families! Forced into suspension tanks. They had their whole lives stolen from them! And you think they’re being unreasonable?”

His breath hitched. “...Their momentary discomfort is an unfortunate sacrifice to made for the greater good.”

She scoffed, dropping the port in his lap. “Of course you’d see it that way. Taking the Lunar boys and turning them into soldiers. Killing cyborgs so you could find your princess. Did you ever think of their feelings?”

“I have hated every sacrifice I have had to make, but in the long term—”

“What about me?” Her eyes were glassy, her voice frantic. “Should I expect a comm saying I’m being shipped back to Luna next week to be harvested too?”

“No, of course not, you—”

She fisted her hands on her hips. “Oh, I get an exemption because you care about me, unlike the other shells?”

“Cress, I—”

“I told you how I felt about this,” she said, voice quivering. “You say you care about me but you don’t.”

He shot up. “Crescent, you know I care about you.”

She bit her lip, shaking her head slowly. “No. I thought you were better than this. But you’re still the same thief from Farafrah that bought me like I was livestock.”

Before his trembling lips could form a reply, she left.

Dimitri’s heart was tearing out of his ribcage, threatening to burst through his skin. Every sneer, every accusation replayed in his wretched mind on an endless loop. Still, his own indignation eclipsed the feeling.

He hated how he had made his daughter feel. And yet his mind was still not swayed. He hadn’t even had the opportunity to revise his assessment, yet he sent it to Cinder immediately.

If he had learnt anything in his lifetime, it was that sacrifices had to be made.

Cinder sent back a response mere minutes later. No, I’m not going to force shells to donate their samples against their will. Are you crazy?!

———

It had been tolerable when the Rampion Crew ignored him. Now they avoided him and it was excruciating.

Cress had obviously told them of their argument, and it was clear whose side they were on. Wolf, who never spoke to Dimitri anyway, maintained his silence. Scarlet cast him severe looks. Carswell was the only one still to speak to him, but always curtly. Worse, he seemed disappointed in him.

And then there was Cress. Each time they crossed paths hurt and resentment flashed in her eyes.

It was beginning to dawn on him how gravely he had misstepped. The chasm Carswell had mentioned had split down the middle, torn apart by tectonic plates so deep that any hope of salvaging their relationship was burnt in the fire of Earth’s core.

Cinder imposed upon him the responsibility of finding an acceptable solution to the antidote crisis. His mind was so swarmed with the ramifications of his own crisis that nothing fruitful had been produced.

The ship landed in Des Moines, Iowa between antidote runs. The young ones were going to a shopping mall, intending for a ‘double date’—as they called it. Dimitri had the misfortune of requiring a new processing unit for his genetic testing module, and the only outlet with such supplies nearby was in that very same mall.

He practically melted into the seat of the hover as they pointedly ignored his presence.

Once inside the mall, they split ways. He overheard Scarlet saying something about attempting to find clothes to fit Wolf’s oversized chest and Cress instructing Carswell to go obtain snacks for the cinema.

Dimitri huffed as he followed the trail on his portscreen to the medical supplies outlet. If they were planning to watch a film it would be several hours before they intended to leave. Perhaps he could hail a hover to return him to the Rampion.

The part took no time to secure and purchase. He was already on his way to the entrance when suddenly Cress flew out of a store, her back to him.

He slowed dramatically, unwilling to overtake her and be noticed. She stalled in the middle of the busy walkway as Carswell approached her.

“Ready?” he asked, chewing through a mouthful. He didn’t notice Dimitri either.

“Yep,” she replied excitedly. “Scarlet said they would meet us out front in a few minutes. Whatcha eating?”

“Skittles,” he answered, poking out his multicoloured tongue.

She gasped. “Oh! I’ve always seen those in netdramas! Can I try some?”

He produced the bag from his pocket. She took it and glanced inside. Offence covered her face. “You barely left me any.”

He shrugged insouciantly. “No, I left the right amount.”

“What?”

He smirked. “Well you’re about a third of my size, so proportionately you would therefore be entitled to a third of what I ate.”

Indignation flared on her face. “What on Luna are you talking about?”

He braced his hands. “Hey, calm down, I’m just looking out for you—all that sugar isn’t good for your health, you know.”

Dimitri felt his own rage rise up to his temples. How dare he speak so crudely to Cress? To insult her so crassly? Oh, he’d always known that Carswell boy was a cad. He would break between the two of them and lambast the scoundrel until—

Carswell laughed heartily. “I’m messing with you, babe. Here—” He presented a second bag from his pocket. “This one’s yours.”

Dimitri’s hackles fell, adrenaline suddenly quashed.

Cress gaped at him. Then, regaining her senses, she smacked him on the arm. “Carswell!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he choked. “But you should’ve seen the look on your face.”

She rolled her eyes, but the ire had faded. “Well, you’re not getting any of this.”

“Of course not. It’s yours. Along with these.” He opened a shopping bag that was hanging from his belt, pulling out a bottled drink, a tray of doughnuts and a chocolate bar.

Cress blushed. “I’m not going to eat all of that.”

Carswell flicked her nose, slung an arm around her shoulders and led them forward. Dimitri, cemented in place, heard his fading, “Well maybe I was onto something with those portions, huh?”

———

The next weeks were the most he’d every worked in his life. He poured every waking moment into his research, to writing and estimating and testing. With each antidote run he spent hours documenting the reactions of each patient, compiling as much data as possible into his arsenal.

Once he deemed it acceptable, he sent his new proposal to Cinder. It was underdeveloped to be sure, but he couldn’t face Cress until he’d done it.

Exhaling a sigh of relief, inhaling a breath of anxiety, he entered the cockpit bay.

She was sitting on a chair by the window, hand cupping her chin as she gazed off into the endless sea of blackness and stars. Hearing him enter, her gaze flickered towards him, and that perpetual hardness returned in full.

“May I speak to you?” he asked softly.

A beat. She nodded.

He approached her cautiously, unable to maintain eye contact. He looked at his feet. “I want to apologise to you.”

She stayed silent.

“Crescent, I know that what I did was incredibly wrong. I destroyed the faith you had in me. In truth, you never should have had that faith to begin with.” Inhale, exhale. “I have never done anything to repent for my sins of the past. I thought I was better now. I fear that I am worse. I’m so truly sorry.”

She folded her hands in her lap, face stricken.

“I do not expect you to forgive me,” he continued, “but I hope I can at least make you believe that I recognise my need to change.”

“I don’t know,” she said finally. “Maybe you’ll change once your law is passed and I get shipped back to Luna to be their blood supplier.

“There’s no law,” he rushed to say, “No shells will be forced to donate. It was wrong of me to ever consider that. I have submitted a different proposal; actually, it was inspired by your boyfriend.”

She quirked an eyebrow.

Over the past weeks, Dimitri had begun experimenting with apportioning the antidote to victims based on their age, height, gender and weight. His test groups proved that children and teenagers needed less of the antidote than adults to make a full recovery; women needed less than men; those who weighed more and were taller needed the full dose. Once he had enough evidence, he readjusted the metrics for each group and applied this to the number of remaining antidote vials. Instantly, their supply would last three months longer than initially projected.

Cress watched him carefully as he explained this. Eventually, she said, “That makes sense.”

He clutched his hands together behind his back. “I know it cannot make amends for what I did to you—”

“It’s a start,” she interrupted, sounding genuine.

Exhale. “I know I have acted wrongly my whole life. Truthfully Cress, I don’t quite understand the parameters of right and wrong. But—if you’re willing to again accept my company—would you please teach me?”

Her eyes returned to the window. Earth was edging into the corner of the glass, filling up the room with its swimming blue brightness.

“Okay. But you have to promise me something.”

A former Dimitri—the doctor, the mentor, the wise man—would have hesitated, but he was now a student. He would be teachable.

“Anything.”

Glimmers of a smile, the first directed to him in so long, crept up to her lips. “Promise to stop viewing me as the baby you lost sixteen years ago, and start viewing me as a person.”

Inhale. “I will.”

———

It took time for their interactions to evolve from nonexistent to tense, from manageable to cordial. The more and more Dimitri learnt about Cress, the more he mourned not knowing. He mourned not having the opportunity to raise her, to hold her hand as she walked for the first time, to drop her off and pick her up from school every day. But Cress had made him promise not to dwell on that. So for the first time, he took her in as the person she’d become.

Without his or anybody’s help, Crescent had raised herself to be a remarkable young woman.

Every new thing he learnt about her was greater than any scientific discovery he could have made. She was a genius, which was no surprise given her pedigree. But she had taught herself everything. To read. To write. To hack. She was an optimist and a daydreamer. She was a loyal friend. She had her share of weaknesses too, but they were only those common to mankind.

When he stumbled upon her in the galley, he learnt that she could sing.

No, not sing. Her voice soared, sweet as honeysuckle and clear as a trickling fountain. His little songbird.

She was standing by the bench, assembling a sandwich—to her an ordinarily mundane task. To him, it was a moment of reverence.

The words slipped out unprompted. “Your voice is beautiful.”

Cress peered over her shoulder, and for once, she didn’t seem startled to see him. “Thank you.” And then, after a pause, “Did I get that from you?”

He barked out a laugh. “Certainly not.” Then his memory stirred. “But my sister had a voice like yours. She’s still alive. She has children—your cousins—and some of them have children around your age. I could…I could take you to meet them all one day if you’d like.”

Her smile was beatific.

Being a student of Cress was more challenging than all his years of medical school. Stripping back years of his own thinking and reasoning on matters was more than difficult—near impossible. He resented the thought he harboured deep inside that he could never change. But even worse was the niggling sentiment lurking in his chest, asserting that he was older, wiser and shouldn’t listen to a mere child.

With the unofficial ban on associating with him lifted, the crew tentatively reintroduced him to their activities. He regained trust to the point that when he assured them that he could handle a small antidote delivery on his own, they believed him and jetted off in the podships to the mountains for the weekend.

The outbreak in Seattle was the worst he’d ever seen. Where in most places the line of victims was able to stand, these victims were all sprawled on the floor, shivering and drooling, with more blisters than actual skin.

“Why haven’t they been brought the antidote sooner?” Dimitri asked the overseer, aghast.

“We had been promised the leftovers from the outbreak in Tacoma. Then they had a surprise wave and used up all their supply. That’s when we called on you.”

Dimitri administered the antidote to as many people as he could, the rest distributed by the Seattle team. It was gratifying to see the light returning in the eyes of the victims. It was not enough to shake the sense of failure when two men—one in his thirties, one elderly—didn’t make it.

With a grim nod to the overseer, he stepped into a hover and programmed the address of the Rampion to the guiding system.

He checked his portscreen. Cress had sent him a photo of the four of them overlooking a sheer cliff. They were all smiling, sweaty with exertion.

Half an hour into his trip, his port pinged with a comm from the Seattle overseer.

We’ve had 40 more Letumosis victims brought to the quarantines. Can you come back with additional antidote?

Dimitri reread the comm at least five times.

He was due in Portland in only a few hours time for a large delivery. The number of victims there was reported to have risen exponentially in only the last two days alone. But that was only this morning’s estimate. He had approximately 300 vials of antidote left. The victims there had been sicker for longer than these forty new cases. There wasn’t enough time for both.

His initial reply halted on his fingertips as the image of the light leaving the eyes of those two, withered men flashed across his vision.

Dimitri set up a voice comm to Cress. It bounced back. This portscreen is currently out of range.

He didn’t know how to trust his judgement anymore. But right now, he had no one else but himself.

He commanded the hover to stop. He thought and thought and thought for a good fifteen minutes. Then he sent his comm and directed the hover to his destination.

———

He met the others back at the ship. They returned glowing red and panting but exhilarated.

“It was amazing,” Scarlet sighed. “I wish we could’ve stayed for longer.”

“Not when we got a delivery in an hour,” Carswell said with an affected responsibility in his voice. “Unless we teach the doctor to fly and get him to do all the runs for us.”

Wolf was the only one who seemed impervious to the exhaustion of the hike. He read Dimitri’s face with concern. “What’s wrong?”

Cress, flanking Carswell and sipping from a water bottle, glanced at him curiously.

Dimitri rubbed his brow. “After I left Seattle, they commed saying additional victims had arrived and needed the antidote. I did not believe that we would have enough for them as well as for our upcoming delivery.”

“What did you do?” Cress asked quietly.

Dimitri took a seat, shrinking down. Voicing aloud his decision was nearly as hard as it had been to make it. “I…I knew we would need the antidote for Portland. We already have limited supply and we have no idea what state they’re in. So I—I rejected their request.”

“So what?” Scarlet accused, “You’re going to leave them until we get more antidote in a month’s time and those people are already dead?”

“I sent another supplier a comm requesting assistance. They promised to travel there by Monday.”

Scarlet softened. “Oh.”

“I can only hope the supplies make it there soon. They already had two people die this morning.”

Carswell shook his head, frustrated with himself. “We should’ve stayed and helped you.”

“No,” he dismissed, “there was already no hope for them.”

The silence in the bay was dense and heavy on his shoulders. The corpses still felt fresh on his fingertips. “I know it may not have been right. I tried to contact you, but I couldn’t. I had to make a decision.”

The others nodded assent and soon all were preparing for takeoff, the happy morning coloured sombre. Dimitri felt responsible for it.

And then as the ship was rising shakily into the air he felt a hand on his shoulder. Glancing back, he saw Cress standing behind him.

“I’m sorry,” he said. She was here to tell him what she would have done in this scenario, he guessed. Flashes of their previous argument clung to him; her anger, her disappointment. To have disappointed her again was a blow worse than insanity.

But instead, she spoke, voice even and clear, “No. You made the right decision.”

———

Cinder commed him occasionally, asking him for advice and updating him on the gradual improvements to Luna. One day, she sent him a different comm.

He had a new assignment—to study the wolfen soldiers he himself had created and see if he could reverse the transformation.

It was optimistic at best, completely impossible in all probability. But he knew that he must dedicate the rest of his life to atoning for this sin.

It also meant that his tenure on the Rampion would soon expire. Being separated from Cress was a bitter taste on his tongue. So he prolonged his stay, asking Mr Kesley if he would be a temporary participant in his research. Wolf was initially hesitant but—eager to be fully human again—he agreed.

Months of research and experiments proved fruitless. Dimitri kept trying.

He pulled out his port again, thumbing it adamantly as the screen flickered and protested. He harrumphed. Setting it down on the table, he took a moment to stretch out his complaining limbs with a groan. It was late in the afternoon, though time was tricky when a glance out the window illuminated the perpetual blackness of space.

“Are you okay?”

Cress hovered by the doorway, her hands tucked behind her back.

“I’m all right,” Dimitri replied. “Just old.”

His port chimed. He picked it up, hoping for success, but it was merely a ping for a software update. He grumbled under his breath.

“Something wrong with your port?”

“I’m trying to transfer some of my notes from old files on Luna to my current files. I believe there’s a compatibility issue, given the original files are at least thirteen years old.”

Cress tossed from one foot to another. “I could help you, if you’d like.”

��Please.”

Cress came over and hooked up her port to his, running through the analytics as the system diagnosed the problem. When the file name Human-Lupine Mutation Trial #11 appeared on her screen, she hesitated.

“Do you really think you can fix them?”

Dimitri gazed at his feet. “I don’t know. But I will keep trying. I did this to them. I must try to undo it.”

She was silent for a beat, then in a low voice: “I’m glad you’re trying.”

Her port pinged as it completed its diagnosis and she got to work. It was amazing watching her fingers work, only just able to keep up with her mind. Her face was brilliantly scrunched in concentration.

“Okay,” she chirped, detaching the plug. “It will take a while for the files to load onto your port, but now at least they will won’t fry your RAM.

He took the port as she offered it back, eyes widening as he saw the notification on the screen. Override disabled from user: Crescent Darnel.

“Darnel?” he voiced softly.

She tucked hair behind her ear. “Yeah, I, uh, updated my records. I never knew my last name. I quite like it, actually.”

“Crescent Moon Darnel.”

Cress smiled. “Crescent Moon Darnel,” she repeated.

She looked at her own port, frowned, and showed it to him. Red text on the screen read: Connection disabled from user: Sage Darnel.

“Why don’t you use your name?”

“Pardon?”

“Well, we all just call you Doctor. But Cinder calls you Dr. Erland. That was your fake name, wasn’t it?” She listed her head. “Wouldn’t you prefer to be called…Sage?”

He took off his glasses and rubbed them on the end of his shirt. “Wouldn’t your wolfen friend prefer to be called Ze’ev rather than Wolf?”

She chewed her lip.

He switched off his port. “To be honest, Cress, I don’t think I am Sage Darnel anymore. Or Dimitri Erland. I am somewhat of an amalgamation.”

Cress thought this over. “Can I call you Sage?”

“If you want to.”

Her eyes twinkled. “I do. After all, we should share a last name, right?”

Sage felt a flicker in his chest, growing warmer by the second. “Yes, yes we should.”

———

Sage ambled down the Rampion’s hallway, idly browsing through the data on his portscreen. The report came from the Health Board of Minnesota—where they had delivered the antidote last month. The distribution of the antidote had put a significant dent in the fatality rate, but the disease was still spreading prolifically. We would greatly appreciate your expert opinion, wrote the chairperson.

The options were limited. A statewide lockdown—the logical solution, but an economic reluctance. Or to immunise the greater population—presently infeasible with the limited supply. It would be months more before such a solution could be implemented, and the question remained: could they justify the continued loss of life?

New York had already completed a lockdown period, whereas Virginia had trialled immunisation in a small pocket of the state. Sage would have to compare the data before drafting his response. He headed to the cockpit bay. As they had been in transit between Earth and Luna, the connection had been too tenuous to send directly to his port. He would have to connect his port to the Rampion's mainframe to establish the link.

The ship was quiet. Mr Kesley and Miss Benoit were watching a net drama and last he’d heard, his daughter and the captain were doing a stocktake of the shipping containers. Sage found the door to the cockpit already open and the lights off. He crossed the threshold, switching his port off and glancing up.

His feet solidified beneath him. Carswell was in the pilot’s seat with Cress tucked into his lap, his arms around her waist as the two engaged in a languid kiss. Sage held his breath, very aware that he should leave immediately and in a way that he would not be detected. The couple seemed sufficiently distracted.

Sage stepped back. They continued to kiss. Another step. His shoe squeaked against the floor.

The couple tore apart from each other, gaping at the figure at the door.

“Uh, sorry there kids.”

Cress sprung away from Carswell. “Dad!” she shrieked. “Uh—Sage! I—we…”

Cress was positively red. Carswell was blushing a little too, but he mostly just looked amused.

Sage nodded at them and backtracked further. “I'll leave you be.”

He hastened down the hallway, allowing a cringe to cover his face. Cress’s embarrassed groans followed him, along with Carswell’s booming laughter.

Sage couldn’t help a smile. Not at the antics of the young couple—he had only just begun to tolerate his daughter’s relationship with the ex-convict, and interrupting them mid-makeout was really testing that boundary.

He didn’t care about that. Let his daughter be giddy and romantic all she wanted. He cared more about what she had called him unintentionally, a slip of her inner thoughts.

Dad.

———

Sage returned to Luna after eight months onboard. Part of him was devastated at the thought of again being separated from his little girl, but he knew that she needed to grow on her own. On her own—with her boyfriend.

Scarlet and Wolf had already returned to their farm last week. Sage needed to return to Luna to support his queen and fulfil his assignment.

His return to Luna was also planned as an opportunity for an antidote restock, so his farewell was not overstated. They hauled the shipments onboard, shared laughs and lunch with Her Majesty, and then filed into the docking bay.

Cinder released Cress from a hug. “Are you sure you can’t stay longer?”

Cress squeezed her hands. “I wish. The captain is a hard taskmaster.”

Carswell nodded proudly. “Yep. This shipment is due in 16 hours. No time for dilly-dallying.”

Cinder rolled her eyes and pulled him into a hug. “When did you get so responsible?”

“Cress keeps me in line.”

The three turned to Sage. Carswell approached him first. “All the best, doctor.”

Sage extended his hand. “Captain.”

They shook firmly. Sage buried his desire to warn Carswell about his conduct around Crescent. Carswell would treat her well. Sage trusted him in that.

When Carswell stepped back to Cress’s side, she tapped his arm and leaned up on her toes. He craned his neck towards her. Sage read “Give me a minute with him,” on her lips.

Carswell gave him a final nod, Cinder a wink and a playful jab to the side and sauntered up the Rampion’s dock, whistling as he went.

Cress said nothing, eyes darting down at her feet. In his peripheral vision he saw Cinder discreetly stepping away.

Sage cleared his throat. “Take care, Cress. Stay safe.”

“You too.” She stepped forward. “Will you visit us? When we come back to pick up the antidote?”

He smiled. “Of course. I already look forward to it. I will…I will miss you greatly.”

It was the kind of statement Sage had avoided making, never wanting to pressure her or set a sense of obligation. But Cress nodded.

“I—I’ll miss you too.” She finally looked up at him, something of shame in her eyes.

“I wanted to apologise before we go. For being…hesitant. For treating you like a stranger instead of…instead of my father.”

Sage shook his head quickly. “No, Crescent, you didn’t know me. I can’t ever fault you for being distant. If anything, it’s my fault.” He shuddered. “I should have fought Sybil. I should have escaped to Earth with you the moment I discovered you were a shell.”

“I don’t think it would be that easy,” she replied, and he sighed, knowing she was right.

“But please, Cress, you are my daughter. I love you. But I will never, ever expect you to reciprocate that. All I ask”—his breath hitched—“is that we could be friends.”

Cress sniffled, eyes glistening. Suddenly she threw her arms around him, causing him to stumble off balance. “We are friends,” she whispered. “And I would like to be your daughter one day. I’d like you to be my dad one day.”

Tears sprung to his eyes. He chuckled shakily. “Thank you, my girl. Thank you.”

They separated with shared feelings and matching smiles. Because she had inherited it from him, he realised.

Carswell slung an arm around her shoulders when she reached him on the ramp. They waved until the hatch folded up.

Cinder came up behind Sage and rested her metal hand on his shoulder. “I’m happy for you, Doctor. And I’m happy Cress has you.”

“I am too, Miss Linh.”

The Rampion roared to life and stumbled out of the dock under the Captain’s unsteady hand. Sage’s heart clenched, already aching to be away from Cress. They watched until the Rampion was no more than a distant star in the infinite black sky and the aching was supplanted with relief.

His songbird had been freed and no one could ever trap her again.

Notes

Was anyone asking for a Dr Erland fic? Not a soul. But a writer cannot deny the howls of a tale unsung.

@cindersassasin @hayleblackburn @spherical-empirical @salt-warrior @just2bubbly @gingerale2017 @slmkaider @luna-maximoff-22 @kaixiety @snozkat @mirrorballsss @skinwitch18 @bakergirl13 @wassupnye @linh-cindy @therealkaidertrash21

#the lunar chronicles #tlc #lunar chronicles #dr erland #sage darnel #dimitri erland #crescent darnel #carswell thorne #rampion crew #linh cinder #scarlet benoit #wolf kesley #cresswell #lunar chronicles fanfiction

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grayskies2525 · 6 months ago

Text

The Reluctant Reunion |M/M| Chapter 13/13 (Epilogue)

Word Count: 1,863

Link to all chapters: The Reluctant Reunion

Wednesday marks the fifth day Felix has been sick. It also marks the first day he’s actually been able to wake up in his own bed since his symptoms really began. Tuesday morning, he had sneezed and coughed his way through having coffee in Connor’s kitchen. After around an hour of chatting aimlessly about this and that, Connor had sent Felix a gentle smile and told him the roads would be clear enough to get Felix home. They had both agreed that having space to consider their conversation the night before was the best course of action, and Connor deemed Felix well enough to recover from his illness on his own, but not without first firmly insisting Felix message him if he needed anything.

After getting home on Tuesday, he put together the most generic packet of ninth grade Biology sub plans the world has ever seen, then called off work for the rest of the week. He did feel traces of guilt at the lack of an education his students would be getting, with the district being closed for both Monday and Tuesday, and the week finishing in the hands of a poor substitute left to deal with incredibly mediocre sub plans. But, mostly, he felt sick. His fever and aches were manageable with painkillers, but he couldn’t go more than a few minutes without sneezing or blowing his nose. After calling his mom to ask for her chicken soup recipe — a call that was made up of more sneezes than words — he had received a thorough reprimanding for “letting himself” get so sick. She had then ordered him to spend the rest of the week in bed. He informed her that he was a 32 year old grown man and couldn’t be ordered around, to which she simply scoffed, before telling him she’d be coming by with the soup later, as well as a pan of brownies because “chocolate cures all.” So, with his heart full of love for his mom, he conceded to her orders.

He did, indeed, spend practically all of Tuesday in bed. After making the sub plans, he managed enough energy to feed Reggie and ensure his enclosure was well-misted. He also periodically heated up some of the chicken soup his mom brought in a container that was best-described as a “vat.” She’d left soon after bringing it to him, telling him she loved him, but what he had didn’t look like something she wanted; he definitely couldn’t blame her for that. But, mostly, he spent Tuesday curled up in bed with David Attenborough’s narration of Planet Earth serving as his sick day soundtrack. Half-formed thoughts of Connor flitted through his mind during the short periods of actually being conscious.

In the evening, he received a text from Connor.

Connor: How's the convalescence going?

Felix, groggily, snapped a quick picture of his TV and attached it to his reply.

Felix: David Attenborough’s voice is helping me through

Connor: Felix, you’ve seen that, at least, 100 times. There’s other nature documentaries, you know?

Felix: Shhhhh I’m trying to listen to David tell me about crocodiles

Connor: You already know everything that can possibly be known about crocodiles.

Felix: Yeah but hearing about crocodiles still makes me happy

Connor: Okay, I can tell from your lack of punctuation that you’re sleepy. So keep resting. I just wanted to check in, but it seems like “David’s” got everything handled.

Felix: Kay, good night

Connor: Um, good night, I guess? But it IS only 6:00 pm, so I’m probably going to keep trudging along with my day. But, yeah, you get some sleep.

Felix: 😴😴😴

He knew he needed to devote some time to properly digest the conversation from the night before, but his body was practically screaming at him to just sleep. So, that’s what he did.

_____

Now, on Wednesday morning, he’s feeling significantly better. His cough has turned mostly dry and he no longer feels on the constant precipice of a sneeze. Fatigue still pulls at him, but he’s able to wash a few dishes and get some laundry done. He does, however, receive a somewhat-concerning text from Ben.

Ben: I’m dying.

Felix: Sounds terrible. Sorry to hear that. Hope it’s not too painful of a death.��

Ben: I’m serious. I’ve been awake an hour and I think I’ve already sneezed 20 times. You infected me 🥺

Felix: Omg, Ben, you infected yourself. If you recall, all I wanted to do on Sunday was stay home. You’re the one who talked a walking contagion into helping you move.

Ben: Yeah but you didn’t have to sneeze EVERYWHERE.

Felix: I kinda did. Just wait, you’ll see what I mean. But, seriously, sorry you’re sick. Try to take it easy.

Ben: You know I can’t.

Felix did know. With Ben working two service jobs during peak cold and flu season, it wasn’t exactly simple taking time off work when so many other people were already calling off. Whatever time he did take off was time he wasn’t paid for.

Felix: Do it anyway. I know you’ll lose out on money but this flu’s no joke. You know I’ll lend you some money if you really need it.

Ben: No, I’m vowing to be a better friend. Thus, I’m on a self-imposed ban from borrowing money from you.

Felix’s brow quirks up at this unexpected news.

Felix: Is that so?

Ben: Yeah. Your stupid ex made me feel like shit the other day. But he was right. I suck.

Felix: Okay, I know this will be hard for you, but stop being so dramatic. You don’t suck. You’re just… kind of irresponsible sometimes.

Ben: But I’m vowing to be better.

Felix: Okay, that’s great, Ben. But don’t push yourself too hard. Rest isn’t just a suggestion for dealing with this thing. It’s a requirement.

Ben: Nah, I’m tough

Felix sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, before sending Ben an “eye-rolling” emoji. Ben’s an adult who can make his own decisions, but Felix has always felt a certain compulsion to help Ben whenever he needed it. But he knows, this time, he can’t exactly just force Ben to miss work.

_____

On Thursday, while spending another day mostly in bed, Felix listens to the audio of Connor’s book, Rewind to the Beginning. It’s, of course, amazing. Connor always writes Sci-fi in an accessible, engaging way that also offers little introspective pieces of wisdom in its pages. Felix never doubted the book would be good, but he’d been feeling reluctant to read it. Until now.

Felix isn’t surprised that by the end, he’s left with an almost visceral sense of longing. Perhaps it’s why he’d been avoiding reading it — he knew it would stir up feelings he wasn’t keen on welcoming. He listens to the narrator as he performs the ending of the book. The protagonist realizes changing the past has unintended consequences on everyone he loves. So, he makes the decision to revert everything back to how it was originally, which means he actually has to live with the consequences of his actions instead of pretending they never happened.

As the story concludes, he takes a deep breath, knowing it’s time to talk to Connor. Really talk to Connor. _____

It’s Friday and Felix and Connor are at Bitter Grounds — Felix’s favorite local coffee shop, and also where Connor had dumped him. It’s the first time Felix has been in it since that day. Felix is mostly recovered from his bout of the flu. He's still slightly sniffly and his voice is on the scratchy side, but his days in bed definitely did him some good.

Felix cringes and Connor laughs as they watch the Snapchat video Annie sends Felix. Reaching out to her a few days ago had clearly been a terrible mistake. He buries his face in his hands as he listens to his incessant sneezing as they interrupt the wonderful words Connor was saying during his Q&A. Annie, thankfully, didn’t manage to capture the tumble he took, but it definitely captured the sound. Felix glares at Connor as Connor clearly attempts to hide a smile behind his hand.

He sends her a message informing her she will now never get to introduce her girlfriend to the great Connor “Hanes.” But he’s laughing as he sends it because Annie seems to have a way of making the most ridiculous situations feel lighter.

“So…” Felix begins, after the video ends. “You still feeling all right? Ben came down with that flu Wednesday. Apparently he’s been hit really hard by it if his texts today are anything to go by. Seems like he may be worse than I was,” he says, frowning.

Connor grins. “That’s completely tragic for Ben, but I’m, of course, totally fine. I told you, I don’t get sick. I feel like we now have empirical evidence of this, right? You did, after all, literally blast me in the face with the sneeze, and still, here I am, totally fine. I really do have a superior immune system,” he says. It’d be impossible for anyone to look as smug as Connor currently looks.

Felix narrows his eyes and tosses a straw wrapper at Connor’s face. “You know, talk like that kind of makes me want you to get sick.”

“Too bad, not gonna happen,” Connor says, his laughter a deep rumble.

Felix feels a light itch in his sinuses and quickly brings the back up his wrist up to his nose.

“N’gkt!”

He looks to find Connor staring at him almost fondly. “Your little tiny sneezes are back,” he says.

“Thank god,” Felix says, emphatically.

A comfortable silence falls between them with the two sipping on their respective drinks.

Finally, Felix sighs and relaxes his shoulders. “You know what you did was ridiculous, right?” he asks Connor, his gaze sharp.

“Yes, Felix. God, yes, believe me, I do.”

Felix, satisfied with this answer, nods. “And you know you need to go to therapy, right? Like, the only way this is going to work between us is if you properly deal with everything by seeing a professional.”

Connor looks down for a moment before glancing up and offering a slight nod. “I… I know. I’ve thought a lot about that. Even before you and I talked. Before I even got back here. I hadn’t realized how pervasive and constant those thought spirals had been. I am more than willing to talk to someone. I know I need to, not just for us, but for me.”

“Okay, good start,” Felix says, taking Connor’s hands in his. “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it slowly, okay? We haven’t been on pause the whole time, you know? We’ve both lived an entire year apart from each other and that has consequences. But… I’ve missed you,” Felix finishes, offering a wistful smile.

Connor clutches Felix’s hand a little more tightly. “I’ve missed you, too. Are you sure you’re ready to start something again?”

Felix feels a huge smile spread across his face as he tells Connor he’s definitely ready — even as his brain tells him to be careful and to take it slow.

But Felix had always been helpless when it came to falling in love with Connor, and it’s clear he’s just as helpless falling back in love with him.

__________________

A/N: Thank you for reading! If you'd like to continue seeing Felix and Connor's relationship develop, you can read about them in the sequel: An Admirable Denial.

#snz #snz kink #snzblr

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deadpresidents · 2 years ago

Note

Just saw Oppenheimer and I was a bit disappointed with how they portrayed Truman. He came across pretty poorly IMO. It was only one scene but I wondered what you thought.

I understand your disappointment and it certainly wasn't a very in-depth portrayal of Truman, but according to the book that the movie was largely based on -- American Prometheus: The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer by Kai Bird and Martin J. Sherwin (BOOK | KINDLE | AUDIO) -- the meeting that Oppenheimer had with President Truman went down pretty much as depicted in the film.

As Bird and Sherwin write in American Prometheus:

(O)n October 25, 1945, Oppenheimer was ushered into the Oval Office. President Truman was naturally curious to meet the celebrated physicist, whom he knew by reputation to be an eloquent and charismatic figure. After being introduced by Secretary [of War Robert P.] Patterson, the only other individual in the room, the three men sat down. By one account, Truman opened the conversation by asking for Oppenheimer's help in getting Congress to pass the May-Johnson bill, giving the Army permanent control over atomic energy. "The first thing is to define the national problem," Truman said, "then the international." Oppenheimer let an uncomfortably long silence pass and then said, haltingly, "Perhaps it would be best first to define the international problem." He meant, of course, that the first imperative was to stop the spread of these weapons by placing international controls over all atomic technology. At one point in their conversation, Truman suddenly asked him to guess when the Russians would develop their own atomic bomb. When Oppie replied that he did not know, Truman confidently said he knew the answer: "Never." For Oppenheimer, such foolishness was proof of Truman's limitations. The "incomprehension it showed just knocked the heart out of him," recalled Willie Higinbotham. As for Truman, a man who compensated for his insecurities with calculated displays of decisiveness, Oppenheimer seemed maddeningly tentative, obscure -- and cheerless. Finally, sensing that the President was not comprehending the deadly urgency of his message, Oppenheimer nervously wrung his hands and uttered another of those regrettable remarks that he characteristically made under pressure. "Mr. President," he said quietly, "I feel I have blood on my hands." The comment angered Truman. He later informed David Lilienthal, "I told him the blood was on my hands -- to let me worry about that." But over the years, Truman embellished the story. By one account, he replied, "Never mind, it'll all come out in the wash." In yet another version, he pulled his handkerchief from his breast pocket and offered it to Oppenheimer, saying, "Well, here, would you like to wipe your hands?" An awkward silence followed this exchange, and then Truman stood up to signal that the meeting was over. The two men shook hands, and Truman reportedly said, "Don't worry, we're going to work something out, and you're going to help us." Afterwards, the President was heard to mutter, "Blood on his hands, dammit, he hasn't half as much blood on his hands as I have. You just don't go around bellyaching about it." He later told [Secretary of State] Dean Acheson, "I don't want to see that son-of-a-bitch in this office ever again." Even in May 1946, the encounter still vivid in his mind, he wrote Acheson and described Oppenheimer as a "cry-baby scientist" who had come to "my office some five or six months ago and spent most of his time wringing his hands and telling me they had blood on them because of the discovery of atomic energy."

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gaoau · 1 year ago

Text

Bristle — Leap of Faith

A Mother's Instinct note — inspired by that one episode of Adventure Time where finn turns into a foot warnings — none. word count — 1.8k

next.

Somewhere around his second year of high-school, Yaku's body began randomly reacting to absolutely nothing; the same three reactions happening out of the blue and in no specific order.

Sometimes he would feel shivers running down his spine, other times the hairs on the back of his head would bristle unexpectedly as if someone had blown air on his neck. The most common one was the way his stomach would stir itself up for no reason. He had always passed it off as unforeseen hunger in the middle of a lecture, but when he went to satisfy his appetite, it would vanish into nothingness.

Instead, utter concern and worry made his heart sink down to his stomach to fill it up. His blood pumped a thousand times faster at the sight of puffy, red eyes stumbling towards him. Enter [Surname] [Name], Nekoma's Boys' Volleyball Club's manager and dear friend of the third-years in the team—being a third-year herself. Somehow, by some odd coincidence, she would always appear by the door of his classroom, holding back her tears after Yaku's inexplicable stomach rumbles.

Sitting at home was no exception. He could be calmly trying to stuff useless school material into his brain when his stomach would start growling at him. Next thing he knew, his phone was blowing up with keyboard-smashes and unreadable hiragana from [Name]. More often than he'd like, a shocking shiver would attack his spine and not a minute later he was answering [Name]'s call to give his opinion on a stupid idea. Sometimes she'd skip the call entirely and show up at school the next day with unevenly pierced upper earlobes.

After months of trying to understand these random reactions—although failing miserably—Yaku arrived at a conclusion. [Name], his carefree best friend, one way or another, was connected to them. He had yet to put a label on them or find any reasonable explanation, but he had come to accept the bristling on his nape and started reacting accordingly. Or as accordingly as he could.

After politely thanking the cashier, Yaku made a beeline for the exit. The automatic doors slid open for him to step outside and scan the sidewalk with his frowning glare. Holding a paper bag to his chest, Yaku turned from the pair of first-years approaching him while chatting animatedly, to his friends resting on a bench. He sighed upon finding only three boys, opening his mouth to articulate the dreaded question the bristles on his neck were inciting him to ask. He bit his own tongue when Lev accidentally bumped into him as he entered the store with Inuoka by his side.

Shooting an annoyed grumble and a sharp glower towards the half-russian beanpole—to which Lev replied with a dismissive Sorry, Yaku-san!—Yaku returned his attention to his teammates on the bench. Kai smiled kindly at him while Kuroo and Kenma busied themselves with their phones.

He sighed, "Anyone's seen [Name]?" He feared whatever his friends could say, of course he did; if the hairs on his nape that had been standing like those of a startled cat told him anything, it was that he wouldn't like the answer.

"Uh, she was over there playing with Lev and Inuoka—Ah, she's not there anymore, huh." Kuroo lifted his gaze from his mobile, while pointing an uninterested finger in what had been [Name]'s general direction.

Yaku's scowl only deepened; there weren't many places—nor reasons—to sneak off to, especially a Saturday evening after practice. "Are you serious? Those two literally just walked in. Where did she go now?"

"She should be fine. It's [Name]."

"That's what I'm worried about."

"Couldn't have gone too far." Kuroo let a chuckle fall from his lips, shrugging at Yaku's baseless worry. He went back to his phone for a millisecond before raising his head again. "Oh, hey, did you get me my buns?"

Yaku shoved his hand inside his paper bag, bringing out the two wrapped buns Kuroo had asked—more like forced—him to buy. "Yeah, sure, he—" His mouth snapped shut at the feeling of the hairs on his nape bristling once more. The food fell onto Kuroo's lap without regards as Yaku whipped around. His eyes bounced everywhere from the front of the store to the sidewalk across the street. "[Name]?! Where are you?!"

"Over here!" [Name]'s voice responded loud and clear to the call of her name. Her volume was only a bit higher than usual, enough for Yaku to hear her. Despite not sounding far off in the distance, the fact that her words flew down from above him made his heart rate pick up considerably.

"[Name]? Where ar—[Name], get down! What are you doing?!" The last thing he expected to find when craning his neck upwards was his best friend clinging onto the bark of the nearest tree. She miraculously managed to keep her balance, her feet clad only with socks for a better grip on the branch she stood on. Glancing down, he could see her disregarded sneakers by the roots of the tree.

At the sound of their libero's frantic concern as he yelled at [Name], the rest of the team veered their attention to the pair. Kuroo puffed a chuckle, watching [Name] bend over to poke her head through the canopy of leaves. Out the automatic doors, the first-years poured out alongside Yamamoto and Fukunaga, hands occupied with an after-practice snack. Their eyes were also caught by their manager hugging a tree as she tried to maneuver around its branches.

Lev's face lit up almost instantly, darting to stand by Yaku's side and gaze up at [Name] trying to crouch without falling over. "You go, [Name]-san! You got this!" Yaku side-eyed his underclassman with a glowering frown. Lev paid no heed as he pumped his fists in front of his chest, mouth filled with a half-chewed bite of a pork bun, yet he still cheered [Name] on. Inuoka echoed his encouragement while approaching the tree, Shibayama following behind him with a sheepish smile.

Yaku had half a mind to reprimand his juniors, but instead opted to stay on the task at hand. That task being [Name] up on a tree for whatever idea had popped in that brain of hers. He cocked a questioning brow, his lips twisting into a frown. "[Name], you better have a good reason to be up there."

"Funny story, actually." A light-hearted laugh spilled from her lips. Her stories were never funny. She plopped down on the branch carelessly, making it wobble ever-so-slightly. Yaku's hands shot upwards as a reflex, just in case she fell and he had to catch her. [Name] swung her legs back and forth, still holding tightly to the bark by her side. "Okay, here's the thing. I was dicking around with the kiddos, and I managed to get the volleyball stuck up here… somewhere?"

Joining Yaku and the first-years, the remaining volleyball players stood by to witness the chaos. Kuroo's mocking chuckle rang. "This way, kitty-kitty." His index finger pointed towards his left—[Name]'s right—where he could see the classic tri-colored ball trapped among virid leaves.

"Thanks, babe, fuck you, too." [Name] rose back to her feet while shooting Kuroo a playful retort.

"For fuck's sake, [Name], Lev's a literal beanpole, he could just jump and grab it."

"Listen, Morisuke, I'm a responsible senpai. I break it, I fix it. I'm being a proper example." Her eyes at last landed on the ball, not in reach but not impossibly far away either. Just one more branch, a little stretching, and she had it.

Yaku's sigh mixed with an exasperated groan. "You're—You're not. [Name], please, get down, you know how last time ended."

[Name] snorted. Wrapping her hands tightly around the sturdiest-looking branches, she hopped closer to the stuck volleyball. "Okay, so what if I broke my ankle? Gotta do this anyway. Too late to go back."

"[Name], for the love of God, how did you even get up there?"

"Oh, you know, when you have a two-meter—Ah! There it goes!" After frantically shaking the branches in reach, the ball broke free from among the leaves and fell right into Lev's hands. "See? All's well that ends well. Now's when you say Great job, [Name], I love you." Confidently, [Name] hopped back on her tracks, returning to sitting on the lowest branch. Her legs swung cheerfully a few feet above the boys' heads.

"[Name], please, get down."

"It's a nice view up here, you know? How about you come up and we watch the sunset?"

"[Name], it's midday. Come down before I pull you."

"Fine." [Name] huffed, palms raising in mock innocence. "Tetsurou, I'm coming down."

"Hah?"

A shiver crawled down Yaku's spine at [Name]'s words; his instincts screamed at him that she was two seconds away from making a stupid decision. A deep crease formed between his brows, eyes wide in panicked anticipation. "[Name], whatever you're planning, don't."

But rare were the days [Name] actually listened to Yaku's warnings. With a body full of energetic youth and childlike adrenaline, her decisions were taken before they were rationalized. Right in front of her very eyes, the world was presenting her the opportunity to take a leap of faith into the arms of her friend. What were the odds of Kuroo making an effort to catch her safe and sound?

[Name] didn't know, nor did she care. Finding it out was part of the fun.

The volleyball team had no time to react as they watched their manager jump off the branch she sat on, two meters away from the ground. Kuroo crumbled underneath her unexpected weight crashing down on him, while Yaku cried out in aggravation. Yamamoto exploded into laughter at the sight of his upperclassmen writhing on the sidewalk, limbs a tangled mess. Whining groans of pain and hysteric cackles rang into the sky, mixing carefreely with the Spring breeze and blowing away.

Yaku tried to futilely muster his best, most-convincing glower as he tugged [Name] to her feet and tapped his knuckles against her temple. Behind his furrowed brows, [Name] effortlessly spotted the amusement dancing in his irises and his cheeks puffing to contain his chuckles. Her elbow dug into Yaku's side, inciting him to join the cacophony their friends were producing. His demon-senpai facade sank in an instant as he laughed alongside his teammates.

#A Mother's Instinct #Haikyuu #Yaku Morisuke #Yaku Morisuke x Reader #Yaku x Reader #Haikyuu x Reader

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letapollojusticesayfuck · 1 year ago

Note

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

Ah! Hello! Thank you!

Time for some self-reflection, I guess...

Lucy's Five Favorite Fics (in no particular order):

1. undeniable you (the currents pulling me onward) (T, 59k)

Kristoph Gavin is found dead in his prison cell, and Klavier Gavin is the prime suspect. With nobody else available to defend him, Apollo Justice flies in from Khura'in to take the case--but during the course of the trial and its aftermath, long-hidden secrets come to light.

This is probably the fic I'm most proud of! I wrote this during the summer of 2020, when I got the idea that I should try and write a continuation to the Ace Attorney series that ties up all the loose ends I was so frustrated with. It's my first ever casefic, and the longest thing I've published to date, and it's been long enough that I forget not everyone knows that This Took Up My Life For Months. It's got court scenes! it's got investigation! it's got the beginning of me shipping faraskye! it's got a happy ending!

2. perspective (T, ~4k)

Klavier Gavin, through the years. (an introspective look at the man behind the rockstar façade)

I wrote this one in a frenzied couple hours, but it's still close to my heart and informs basically everything about how I picture Klavier. Did I do a lot of projecting? yes. Do I also still stand by my headcanons? also yes.

3. Keeping All Your Hopes Alive (T, 3k)

After their chance to prove themselves as competent detectives with a big break in an important case goes south, Kay finds her partner Ema drowning her sorrows in their shared office. They have a heart-to-heart--which ends with Ema crashing on Kay's couch (and the acknowledgement of some inconvenient shared feelings between them).

SOOO this is one of those "scenes from a longer fic I'm going to write someday" fics. In my head I have a whole big casefic centered around Kay and Ema learning to work together as detectives roughly 6 years post-Investigations after they've been out of contact for years. I'm still super proud of this one and the mix of angst-to-feelings-resolution.

4. imperfect resolutions (T, ~3k)

When Miles Edgeworth returns to his office to find a stranger lying in wait, this time, the shot doesn't miss. In the immediate wake of his death, his family, friends, and acquaintances struggle with how to move on, and question whether they can leave the mystery of the Yatagarasu half-solved.

Gotta talk about this one with the recent Investigations news! A bad ending fic where AAI 1-1 goes wrong, and Franziska and Kay are left to pick up the pieces. I was really trying to capture the odd timelessness that happens when something tragic occurs, and the way you still have to deal with all the stupid little details of daily life. It's a little obscure, but pretty personal to me for Various Reasons.

5. scoop of the century (read all about it!) [+ sequel]

Working at a gossip magazine aimed at teenage girls is just a way for Apollo Justice to pay his law school tuition--until his article rating Klavier Gavin's outfits goes viral. After that, he's got half the Internet reading his articles, and it's inevitable that Klavier finds out.

What would a list of my favorite fics that I've written be without my article-writer Apollo fic? This one was partly borne from wanting to use fun formatting on AO3, partly from wanting to explore social media and Klavier Gavin, and partly from Having A Bad Fever And Thinking I Was So, So Funny. I never expected this fic to get the response it did, and I'm 100% telling the truth when I say that all the comments and kudos on this fic made me want to write so much more for the fandom. And then I wrote a sequel, two years later! Out of the blue! And I think that one's pretty cool, too.

Thank you so much to Caddis for letting me ramble about my own writing for a while here---now I'm thinking about all the things that are sitting in my drafts waiting to be posted. Soon, I hope! <3

#asks #contritecactite #my writing

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sabraeal · 2 years ago

Note

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️

As I said on my first fic rec post, I have written very many fics and I love almost all of them, so I can't pick FAVORITES so much as CATEGORIES, and this category is going to be "Fics Joanna Made Me Write Outside My Comfort Zone Because It's Good For Me Or Something"

Whenever I view the moon on the battlefield This was the FIRST fic I wrote outside of ANS fandom, and if that was not already out of my usual groove enough, it's also from the POV of one of the minor characters in Hakuouki, Shimada Kai. The concept was originally conceived while I was streaming a playthrough for the obiyuki discord-- Yamazaki (our best boy) and Shimada are both spies and spend quite a bit of time off screen, so we kept running into scenes and being like "how AWKWARD is it for those two to be watching this right now?" And so when it finally came time for me to throw my hat into the yamachi ring...Joanna asked for THIS to be the fic. You know. Instead of one where Yamazaki and Chizuru actually kiss or whatever. Sigh.

The Most Perverse Creature in the World Listen. I know there are people out there who LOVE xReader fics. I'm happy for you, truly. I am not one of them. But after answering the fandom fuck/marry/kill game (otherwise known as only one bed/slow burn/enemies to lovers) with small littler blurbs about the kind of story I would write for the older gentlemen in ANS (Shidan, Lata & Haruka), SOME PEOPLE got very invested in Haruka's little enemies-to-lovers blurb. Some people made puppy eyes. Some people made puppy eyes and then got very sick after, and I AM A GOOD FRIEND and wrote ONE CHAPTER and have never known a day of peace since. Six years later it's up to thirteen chapters, has a very complicated plot involving the politics of taxing oral sex, and I've learned how to effectively write in 2nd person.

don't speak boyshit I cannot properly explain how absolutely in our heads the Maria/Kamitani pairing is, but like. It's good okay?? Joanna did not so much force me to write this one so much as like...emphatically encourage its existence, to the point where I have a very complicated outline and she routinely reminds me I'll finish it when i'm like. 50. But this is certainly the gateway fic to the OTHER fics for this pairing she DOES want to twist my arm over, SO ON THE LIST IT GOES. I am one of TWO authors in this ship tag, and also one of TWO fics...and yet this is one of my most popular non-ANS fics 🤣

If the Mind Is Willing This is a fic Joanna will HAPPILY admit to being the main driver for, since, as she puts it, "there is no one else who could possibly ever write this fic." Taking TWO very niche concepts (LARP and a SURPRISE FOR LATER) and a very niche pairing (yamachi) would perhaps not have been MY first choice...but Joanna asked for the first chapter as a birthday gift a few years back and here I am, learning a whole new tabletop system and really giving my FBI agent something to talk about at the watercooler.

He Who Studies Evil Of all the niche fics Joanna has convinced me to put to paper (or at least, word document), this is probably takes the top spot. A prequel to my obiyuki Star Trek AU, this covers events about 10 years previous, with Haruka taking over DS9 and immediately being thrown into a political nightmare when he is informed that the Cardassians are in possession of a missing human child. This took...an INORDINATE amount of time to research and write-- I hadn't seen DS9 since I was in high school, and I watched through nearly half a season just to get the timeline right-- but I still REALLY love how it came out. Which is good, because it is definitely one of my least read fics 🤣

#asks #fic rec meme #fic recs #self rec #hakuouki #yamachi #gakuen babysitters #inokami #akagami no shirayukihime #listen we all know that like half of WFB would be here too including just about all of M&B #but like this is not about giving joanna credit for the FUN ones #but the ones i had to work hard on okay #the ones i complain about every time i gotta write a new chapter #because i KNOW i'm gonna have to do so much work #and typically reap an obscene amount of reward for the size of niche they fill #i still cannot believe don't speak boyshit took off #OR bederin #now i have die hard fans and chapters that sometimes give me more comments than my biggest obiyuki fics #SIGH. must you all prove her right???

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otomehoneyybearr · 8 months ago

Text

Act 12

Episode 24: The What-If Future and The Certain Now: Juza

Working w/ Maybelle Lace, jujumin-translates, Fea

Note: As you read, you will see that some sentences highlighted in a different color, this is what they indicate.

Pink: Flashback

Blue: Characters are acting

𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍

Juza: ..

Kumon: Juza... Juza..

Juza: ...

Kumon: Juza.

Juza: ...

Kumon: ...I'll come back later.

Juza: ...

Muku: ...Juchan.

Juza: ...

Muku: Sorry... I meant Juza.

Juza: ...

Juza: (...This is fine. No one can find me in the dark. They can’t find me. I’ll just keep living alone like this.)

Juza: (This way, I won't hurt anyone. I don't need any light in my life.)

Muku: ...

Juza: Muku...?

Muku: Juchan, let’s go together—

Juza: ..!

Juza: (Can I also be under that light—?)

Juza: ——Hah.

Juza: (I'm too scared to take that step...)

Staff A: Juza, can you bring this to the costume room?

Juza: Got it.

Actor A: Good job today.

Actor B: Thank you for your hard work.

Juza: Thanks.

Yuzo: Juza, you gotta sec?

Juza: Yea.

Yuzo: I feel bad for asking ya to help out when the theater company is in trouble.

Juza: We can't practice over there right now, it's actually a good distraction.

Yuzo: I guess the date for the second part of the full bloom performance will be rescheduled.

Yuzo: If it overlaps with this performance, I'll look for guest performers and behind-the-scenes help, so don’t hesitate to let me know.

Juza: 'Kay

Yuzo: In addition to that. Here.

Juza: Is this the casting sheet for the main cast

Juza: !

Juza: "Juza Hyodo (MANKAI Company)"... What does this mean?

Yuzo: It's a little sudden, but we're already gearing up for the next performance. I’m thinking of including you as a guest star in the main cast of the performance

Juza: Me?

Yuzo: Although you'll be the fifth main character, it'll be different from your previous minor roles.

Juza: But... there are many other actors in this theater company who are better than me…

Yuzo: I didn't offer it to you because you're amazing at acting.

Yuzo: After talking with the scriptwriter, we thought that you’d be perfect for this role in the performance.

Yuzo: You’re not a very versatile actor, but there's a certain charm that draws people to roles that are unique to you.

Yuzo: Besides, our guys also appreciate your dedication as an actor and your personality.

Yuzo: They’re eager to do a full-fledged play with you. It's a good opportunity.

Juza: ..!

Yuzo: Banri also takes advantage of his art school environment and often appears in on-campus performances.

Yuzo: So you might need to gain experience in a different way… But, I guess this kind of provocation is unfair, huh?

Juza: Well, I’m not gonna let him get ahead of me.

Juza: But… while I really wanna do it, right now…

Juza: I can't think about it until the issue with the theater company is sorted out.

Yuzo: Well, I thought you'd say that.

Yuzo: So, I won’t be making an official offer until you guys have safely finished the second part of the Full Bloom performance.

Yuzo: The date is scheduled more than half a year away, so it's not like I'm rushing for a reply.

Yuzo: Otherwise, your little brother’ll keep pestering me about snatching you away again

Juza: I'm really happy about the offer and the recognition from you and everyone in the theater company

Juza: Once everything's resolved at the theater company, I'd even like to audition for the role myself

Yuzo: That's the spirit. It's a blessing to have a place for yourself that you absolutely want to prioritize. Cherish it

Juza: (My own place, huh... I really do have one.)

Banri: ...

Juza: ...

Banri: ...That's a win.

Juza: Yeah, for me.

Banri: I think you mean me!

Juza: No, me.

Banri: Oh yeah?!

Juza: Yeah!

Sakyo: This is NOT the time for a fight!

Juza: Ugh.

Banri: OW!

Omi: Curtain call, you guys!

Taichi: C'mon, Banny! Juza!

Banri: Let's roll!

Juza: Yeah.

Omi: Juza, you said you didn't know what kind of actor you were, but we're all painfully aware.

Omi: I thought turning it into a film like this would make you understand.

Banri: Your strength as an actor is being a frantically hardworking idiot. What else is there?

Banri: You should just listen and stick to playing delinquents and thugs.

Banri: Even if they all look the same, you live each and every one of their unique, individual lives on the stage.

Taichi: That's right. There's a genuine coolness that you bring to life because you're you, Juza!

Sakyo: It might take time, but you'll cling on and do whatever it takes to achieve your goal; That's your muddy style, Hyodo. And that's fine.

Sakyo: Because that's how you make humans who don't exist look like they're real.

Azami: You are you. You're just not anyone else.

Juza: …

Juza: (Mankai Company came in the middle of my pitch-dark life. It was a light that suddenly appeared in front of me.)

Juza: (Muku gave me the opportunity to step out towards that light with a strong desire to change who I was.)

Juza: (Thanks to that, I am able to perform like this now.)

Juza: (It's the one and only light that I was miraculously able to grasp.)

Juza: (Even if this light fades away into the darkness, I will never let it go.)

Juza: (No matter how miserably I struggle, I'll cling on under this light.)

Juza: (For me, nothing can replace being illuminated by the spotlight on the stage of the Mankai Theater.)

Juza: (I’ve come to know the solid connection that I can feel with my friends on the stage of the Mankai Theater.)

Juza: (I’ll never return to the lonely darkness.)

Juza: (I’ve already had the answer to Izumi’s homework long before she gave it out.)

Juza: I'm back.

Kumon: Juza, Juza!!

Juza: ?

Kumon: Look here! Sakuya sent you something!

Juza: Sakuya did?

Kumon: One was sent to me too.

Juza: A postcard...

Kumon: It looks like he sent it while on his trip.

Juza: ..

Sakuya: “When I travel alone, I remember many things about the theater company.”

Sakuya: "Doing street acts with Juza, who is very good atacting, was always a lot of fun.''

Juza: (Really... You're probably better than me.

Juza: (I was always happy that you could sympathize with my strong feelings towards acting.)

Juza: (At the same time, I secretly admired you for being able to express your feelings so directly.)

Sakuya: "It's really amazing that our plays can move the hearts of the audience.'

Sakuya: "I was always happy to be able to share such honest feelings with Juza.''

Juza: (The great thing about Sakuya is that he can convey the message head-on like this.

Juza: ...I want to talk with Sakuya.

Kumon: I feel ya. I really want to gather together in the dormitory again soon.

Juza: Same here.

𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍𑁍

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#a3! translation #a3! act addict actors #a3!#a3! act 12 translation #a3! act 12 #sakuya sakuma

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deathfavor · 1 year ago

Text

Kazutora doesn’t push for a reply from Mikey. He remains half standing, putting as little weight as he can manage on the wounded leg, and waits patiently the same way Baji had often waited for him. Sometimes that was what was needed more than anything else; patience as a person struggles and works to put their thoughts into words. Even when the gun lowers, Kazutora makes no move to do anything but wait.

“ I’ve been in jail. “ Kazutora replies, followed by a weak, hollow laugh that sounds more sad than amused. “ Pretty hard to do anything, especially since I was labeled a repeated, highly volatile offender. Lot more restrictions the second time around. “ He knows that really isn’t what Mikey is asking when he asks how he resists it, but it is part of the truth. Thirteen years of his life had been spent behind bars, give or take some months. There hadn’t been the same opportunities freedom gave.

“ Hey, Mikey? I’m going to sit, ‘kay? “ He speaks so his movements don’t startle the other as he slowly moves to sit down on the cold ground, biting back a groan of pain. He’s silent for several moments before he speaks. “ I guess when I was younger I was too scared of my father and didn’t realize how strong I was. The most I did was methodically kill bugs. At that time, I just tried to be happy…so it couldn’t get me. I guess I resisted it by thinking if no one was close to me, then it wouldn’t happen. That’s what this world taught me. Everyone would become a traitor sooner or later. So I wouldn’t be close to anyone. “ He stares ahead, a blank expression on his face. “ And then I met Baji. I learned I wasn’t actually weak at all, that I was really good at violence. “ He sighs. “ After that it became much harder. He handled it well though. I never- “ His voice stutters, but continues to explain “ – never hurt him. Most of the time I was fine. But when I wasn’t, he’d smash windows and burn cars and shit, gave me something to focus on till I calmed down enough. For me, a significant intervention could stop or shake me out of those thoughts. “ Baji. Baji alone could do that.

His blank stare refocuses, flicking towards Mikey before shaking his head. “ I haven’t killed anyone else. But I’ve gotten close a few times. “ He admits quietly. “ It’s hard. Sometimes I get so angry or worked up that all I see is red. “ A normal life? Kazutora doubts he could ever handle a proper normal life. “ I wouldn’t call it normal. Chifuyu did try to help me integrate back with society though. I guess I did okay but… “ He shakes his head. “ I gave that up a few months ago when I really started trying to find you. That, and prison teaches you things you can’t unlearn. I didn’t fit in with everyone else. “

“ Sanzu? “ Kazutora repeats the name blankly, trying to recall any information. “ Never met him. “ He shakes his head but listens to Mikey all the same. Jesus. But there’s little visible reaction on Kazutora’s face, nodding slightly when it seems Mikey’s done. “ We’re both pretty fucked up, huh? “ He finally muses thoughtfully, turning his head upwards to the warehouse ceilings. Two fucked up people left loose on the world. There was always bound to be blood.

Mikey is tired.

Tired of running, tired of hurting. Tired of keeping everything buried inside so deep that it feels like he's drowning. But Kazutora's words... they resonate so strongly that Mikey suddenly feels like maybe they really are the same. Is that even possible? That there's someone who experiences the same thing... and he hadn't realized it for so long?

( 'It feels a little better when you aren't on your own.' ) ...How stupid he's been. How stupid, and selfish, to hope.

"How do you resist it?" Mikey asks, and without even realizing it, he's finally lowered the gun. But that won't take away Kazutora's wound, or stop the blood that's still pooling on the floor. "I know... that you killed my brother. And Baji. But you haven't killed anyone else since, right? You're living a normal life, now."

Maybe he's wrong in that assumption. Certainly, Kazutora's life seems to be anything but normal, if he's come here after Mikey to begin with, and based on what he's said today. But at the very least, he isn't the leader of Tokyo's biggest crime syndicate, for god's sake. And... when Mikey speaks again, his whole body is statue-still. There's no trace of movement in him, or any emotion in his eyes, save for the slight trembling of his right hand.

"...You know Sanzu, Kazutora? I was the one who gave him those scars. He did nothing to deserve it. I just wanted to hurt him. We were kids, but... I ripped his mouth apart - even when he screamed and cried and begged me to stop. He could've died." At this point, he doesn't know if his words will scare Kazutora away. But the point he wants to make is...

"Nothing happened to make me like this. It's not grief or trauma that changed me. I've just... been twisted from the very start."

#revengesworn #me too!#but yeah for kazutora....baji really was all he had #they are Going Through It #and yess!#even if kazutora has no idea who it is #just nod and listen HFJDFG #but that makes sense too #you never have to apologize for how long it takes!#᛭ — [IC] wounded tiger caught in mania's pit [KAZUTORA HANEMIYA]#᛭ — [VERSE: BAD END 2] tiger chasing death till the end of the road [KAZUTORA HANEMIYA]

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mastersword · 5 years ago

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sent by @spiderstaff. › When Link next checks his mailbox, he’ll find a small silver-wrapped box inside. The note reads: ‘Dear Mr. Link—Happy Midwinter!! I hope you like the gift, I made it all by myself. (Not the cookies though, I had help with those. Apparently I can’t be ‘trusted’ with the oven.) Let’s go exploring again sometime, OK? Sincerely, Kay’. Inside is a blue and gold braided bracelet, and a container of cookies!

he’s, well, really happy? kay was always someone he enjoyed speaking to, hanging out with when he was able to — so the bracelet is.. wonderful. amazing. more than he could really ask for. it looks handmade, so he definitely appreciates the effort she must have went through making it. he wastes no time in fastening it around his wrist, before he raises it up into the light of the sun, and nods. somewhat triumphantly, but mostly - he’s proud!! he’s happy!! then he pops one of the cookies into his mouth. he’ll drop by her place, he wants to say thanks.

#❛ ✧ ✦ ✧ ˢᵒ ᶤ ˡᵒᵒᵖ ᵐʸ ˢᵉᶰᵗᵉᶰᶜᵉˢ ᵃʳᵒᵘᶰᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ᵗʳᵘᶰᵏˢ ᵒᶠ ᵐᵃᵖˡᵉˢ — ASKS #THIS IS SOOOO LATE IM SORRY #me half a year later: time to reply to kay #i just *finally* made an ask banner for him... its time

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archived-junkissed · 2 years ago

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the secret garden

member — seokmin x gn reader genre — fluff :) happy valentine's day! word count — 2.2k warnings — none! notes — this is for @hvcmixtape's valentine's day song collab!! this fic is based on: "like real people do" by hozier

be sure to check out the other participants in the collab - masterlist here!

“hey, honey?”

seokmin looks up at the sound of your voice trailing in from the other room. “yeah?” he calls back.

“i’m off to the store to get stuff for dinner, okay? i’ll be back in a while. text me if you need anything!”

he smiles. “ ‘kay. love you!”

“love you too!” you reply.

he closes his laptop, waiting. minutes later he hears the front door click shut and faintly, the sound of your car starting as you drive away.

when he’s sure you’re gone, he gets up from his chair, peeking out through the doorway of his office before walking out into the house.

the sliding glass door to your backyard opens with a squeak as seokmin slips outside, quickly crossing the yard. he struggles a little moving the heavy birdbath, but once it’s out of the way he finds what he’s looking for.

it’s purposefully hard to get to; hidden behind a cluster of small trees and shrubs and covered even further by the birdbath, because he needs to make sure you won’t see it, unless you knew exactly where to look.

he breathes a sigh of relief when he sees everything in place, just as it was when he last checked a few days ago.

he’s been planning this since last february, when he originally planned on doing this for you; except the squirrels got to it a few days before he could and he had to rush to buy cheap roses from the grocery store down the street because all the florists had been sold out for weeks. he’s still mad about that, and this year he made sure to cover everything in netting so it wouldn’t happen again.

he even bought anti-squirrel spray, and he feels kinda bad about using chemicals, but he didn’t want to risk a natural, chemical-free repellant not working and forcing him to settle for something store bought for a second year in a row. sorry, squirrels.

but thanks to—or perhaps, in spite of—his precautions this year, his gift is perfectly safe and sound. his flowers are coming along perfectly.

they’re right on the verge of blooming: the buds just barely beginning to open, just in time for valentine’s day in a week.

of course, he’s got the classic v-day flowers: deep red roses, pink speckled carnations, white daisies.

but he knows he can do better than that. any moron with a packet of seeds can grow roses in their backyard. so he’s planted some of your other favorites too, ones that took a little more planning to pull off. honeysuckle, tulips, and daffodils, some of your favorites, take up one corner of the flower bed.

the work and research put into getting everything right has been tedious, but seokmin is an ambitious man, and he would only attempt it for you. sure, it probably cost more in time, effort, and supplies than ordering a nice bouquet online would have, but he likes doing things himself, and he likes that his way is more personal.

it’s been many months of diligently deleting the search history on his computer so you don’t see the hour and a half of googling things like “how often do i water carnations” and “are worms good for plants” and “how much sunlight for tulips” every day.

not that he thinks you’d go looking, but he can never be too careful when dealing with surprises. not after two christmases ago when you found your (unwrapped) presents sitting behind the washing machine when your sock had fallen down there; no, he’s learned his lesson.

he heads to the shed along the side of the house to grab the scissors from the shelf of gardening supplies, along with a small watering can.

he’s glad you never end up sticking to your annual new year’s resolution to start gardening more, because if you had, you probably would’ve found his secret flowers already. although maybe after this, he might be able to convince you to come outside and garden with him every once in a while. it’s actually kind of fun, and it’s satisfying seeing his hard work turn into something beautiful.

when he’s done trimming the dead leaves and making sure the plants have enough water, he carefully replaces the netting and moves the birdbath back into place. he puts the gardening scissors and watering can where they belong before heading back inside, carefully sliding the door shut behind him and locking it again.

he’s just finishing washing the dirt off his hands when he hears your car pull up into the driveway, and he can’t help the smile that grows across his face at just the thought of you. he flicks his hands, gives them a quick wipe with a towel before opening the front door and going out to meet you at the car and help you carry everything inside.

the next few days pass by quickly, and before seokmin knows it, it’s the night before valentine’s day.

he’s just gotten back from work, having left early to make sure he has time before you get home, leaving him plenty of time to get everything ready for tomorrow.

he opens the back door, leaving it open so he can hear your car pulling up in case you get home earlier than expected.

crossing the yard he feels like a kid on christmas eve, sneaking out of bed to peek at their presents before christmas morning. he’s excited for his months of planning to finally come together, and he can’t wait to see the look on your face tomorrow when he finally gets to give it to you.

he carefully cuts the flowers, picking out the prettiest and brightest blooms and setting them in a little container so he can take them inside without damaging them.

back in the house he stands over the counter, thinking about how to put everything together. he’s watched countless videos on how to do different kinds of flower arrangements, but sitting in front of the flowers he grew himself, ready to start, it’s a little more nerve-wracking than he had thought.

he’s only got one shot at doing this right, and although there’s still some flowers left outside that he didn’t cut, it won’t be enough to make a completely new bouquet.

he takes a deep breath, eyes flicking across the counter from the daffodils to the daisies before he finally settles on the roses first. gingerly he picks one up and sets it in the vase he bought, already lined with floral tape and filled with just the right amount of water.

one by one he carefully places the flowers in the vase, trying his best to add layers and make everything look nice and organized.

it takes him a little while but finally it’s finished, and he stands back, admiring his work. it’s not as perfect as he’d hoped it would be, but he has to admit it looks pretty damn good for an amateur florist like himself. it definitely would've looked nicer had he bought a pre-made arrangement instead, but he's so happy with everything that the thought of buying flowers doesn't even cross his mind.

he checks his watch, surprised to see how much time has passed as he hurries to put the arrangement in a hiding spot (one that you won’t accidentally find this time) and put your other presents together in a little pink gift bag covered in hearts.

he hears the front doorknob turn just as he’s taking things out of the refrigerator to get started making dinner (it’s your night to cook, but he wants to keep you out of the kitchen and away from the hidden presents).

as always, you greet him with a smile and a kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck and leaning your head against his shoulder. the corners of your eyes crinkle in joy when you see that he’s making your favorite dinner, and you start telling him about your exhausting work day as he cooks.

you’ve decided to take the holiday off and call in sick tomorrow, preferring to spend a nice, romantic day with your husband, so you aren’t in bed as early as you usually would be on a work night. instead, you’re cuddled up on the couch after dinner, talking late into the night about everything and nothing at all. it’s these evening with seokmin that you love the most; the quiet days when you can just be around each other and everything feels safe and comfortable.

and he doesn’t even mind when you fall asleep on his shoulder and he has to gently tap you awake to bring you to bed. in fact, he couldn’t be happier.

the next day he sets his alarm and wakes up before you, sneaking out of bed and tucking his side of the blankets against you so that you won’t immediately notice he’s gone.

by the time you wake up a little while later, the smell of breakfast is already wafting into the room as seokmin carries a tray of waffles and fruit, topped with whipped cream and strawberries in the shape of a heart.

his face breaks into a grin when he sees you awake, carefully handing you the platter of food.

you smile sleepily at him, still letting your eyes adjust to the morning sunlight. “hi, baby.”

he giggles, sitting on his side of the bed next to you. “hi sweetheart. happy valentine’s day.”

he nods at the plate, wordlessly asking you to try the food, and you oblige, cutting off a big piece of waffle. and of course, like everything seokmin does, it’s—

“—so good,” you moan through a mouthful of food, savoring the taste. “you spoil me,” you say as you motion to the spread on your lap.

he giggles. “you deserve to be spoiled. and besides, you haven’t even seen everything yet.”

you pretend to be shocked, gasping exaggeratedly. “there’s more?”

after many years with seokmin, you know he’s probably got something insanely elaborate up his sleeve, but you’re still not used to the way he treats you like you’re the most precious thing in the world. and to him, you are.

he sits with you while you finish your breakfast, leaving only to take your dish back to the sink while you get up and throw some clothes on.

you meet him in the kitchen and immediately see the counter covered in little gifts, but the focal point of the arrangement is a huge case full of flowers, bright pinks and whites and reds with little hints of green spread throughout.

"minnie, this is so…" you start, your voice breaking a little as you walk towards the little display. "these flowers are gorgeous. you must've spent a fortune, you shouldn't have!"

he blushes a little, twining his fingers together. "i didn't!"

you narrow your eyes at him in confusion, and he continues. "i didn't spend anything on them," he repeats. "i grew them myself. so– well, yeah, technically i did buy the bulbs and the seeds and the fertilizer, but i got them on sale so it wasn't that much…" he trails off when he sees you staring at him, mouth hanging open. "what?"

"you grew these?" you ask in shock.

he grins proudly. "i did! and i arranged it myself, too, does it look okay? the carnations wouldn't stick to the tape right, so i had to just– y'know, shove them in there. but they look fine, right?"

you think you might cry at how thoughtful and perfect and wonderful he is, and he's explaining something about squirrels but you're not paying attention because all you can see is the way the smile on his face reaches all the way up to his eyes and the way he scrunches up his nose when he talks, and all you can think about is how happy it makes him when he makes you happy and how happy it makes you when he's happy and how you couldn't be more in love with this man if you tried.

so you do the only thing you can think to do: throw your arms around him and kiss him like it's your first kiss, your last kiss, and every kiss in between all wrapped up into one, and the way he instantly melts into your arms is worth more than any present or expensive floral arrangement he could buy for you. his gifts mean a lot, but nothing comes close to the giddy feeling bubbling up in your stomach when your lips are on his and his arms are softly hugging your waist and his nose is just barely brushing your cheek, and it's the most wonderful feeling in the whole entire world.

and when you finally break apart he's got that sickeningly in-love look on his face, and you know that everything in your life has been leading up to this moment; when you both have so much love you can't physically hold it in, and it spills out over into everything you do for each other. nothing else matters except you and him, your sunshine husband who grows homemade bouquets of flowers for you.

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i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it lets me know this is something people want to see more of and it helps a ton with being motivated to write. thanks for reading!!

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nyaskitten · 2 years ago

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Interview Gone Wayward: Fire Ninja Gets Bitten Live, On Camera!

(This fic is set between seasons 7 and 8)

It was just a day like any other, the Fire and Water Ninjas, Kai, and Nya were out on a mission to find the Mechanic and bring him in. After all was said and done, our very own Vinny Folson and Gayle Gossip stopped them for a quick interview, broadcast to thousands. It went as follows;

[Begin Transcript]

Gayle Gossip: I am here live with Kai and Nya, masters of Fire and Water. Just a few moments ago, they tracked the Mechanic down and brought him into custody. Now, we have some questions for them, that we're hoping they can answer.

Kai: Shoot away Gayle! [clicks tongue as he finger guns]

Gayle: Okay, the people of Ninjago have wanted to know for YEARS now, how do you ninja do it? How do you always pick yourselves up to fight another day?

Nya: Well Ga- [she was cut off by Kai]

Kai: Well, ya see, it's no easy task. We started off fighting, what, skeletons? And then we fought the embodiment of evil a few times? Lord Garmadon, a few snakes, ghosts, the list goes on. We've dealt with a lot, but at the end of the day; a ninja always picks themself up and doesn't quit.

Gayle: Mhm, very interesting. Now, our next question; the men and women at home want to know Kai, how do you always look so flawless? I mean, most say your face "radiates love itself".

Kai: Well, that's a very sweet sentiment. You see, the best way to always keep yourself beautiful isn't to change how YOU look, it's to always surround yourself with the ugliest people you know. That's why I always go on missions with Jay or Nya.

[to this, the master of Water walked to her brother, held his arm up to her face, and bit his arm with a force so great you'd expect his whole arm to have snapped off as if it were a LEGO piece or something like that]

Kai: OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW OW NYA WHAT THE FU- [he is promptly cut off by Nya]

Nya: Ya see Gayle, when we were younger, every time he insulted me I would bite him, HARD. He would cry like a baby for like, a minute then put me in a timeout corner.

Kai, still yelling out in pain: THAT'S WHY YOU KEPT BITING ME??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE A FERAL CHILD OR SOMETHING.

[to that remark, Nya giggles and Gayle tries to keep herself composed as she instructs Vinny to turn off the camera]

[end transcript]

Only a few hours after the interview, Kai went to Chirp and posted a photograph of himself sitting with a faux cast wrapped around his neck for his left arm, with his middle finger raised. His post read as follows; "I just got bit by an oni-spawn, doc said I gotta get it amputated :(".

Later on in the day, Nya responded, simply saying "Ratio", to which she had received far more likes, replies, and rechirps than Kai's.

Half an hour after Nya's response, a user by the name of 'xXx_mystake_xXx' wrote; "Wu didn't die for this", to which the Green Ninja then responded, "he isn't dead, just lost somewhere".

To say today has been QUITE the hectic day is a huge understatement.

#ninjago #raine's fics #wanted to try smth new so... here it is!#silly lil jiang sib stuff #kai ninjago #ninjago kai #kai jiang #nya ninjago #ninjago nya #nya jiang

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gabzs-things · 3 years ago

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hi @gabzs-things I have a request please. One where the reader has autism and gets embarrassed about stimming in public so he stims with her so she isn't alone and he sleeps with a weighted blanket for her. tysm just thought this would be good, also dont worry about getting facts wrong idm. stimming in the shorthand is volitary movements or vocalism to help self stimulate a person with or without autism, this can include hand/arm flapping , humming, whistling, head banging and rocking ect. bye

hiya, of course I can. I think @blueathens had a similar request so if mine doesn’t do it for you , keep an eye out for hers. Tbh ya’ll should do that anyways her writing is golddd. I actually know quite a lot about ASD/ASC (autism) through people i know and charity work i do with children with ASD. anyways enough on that hopefully this is what you wanted...

disclaimer: autism is different for everyone.

Title : Reader with autism (request)

Quote : “Don’t apolise my love,”

Song : ‘Atlantis - Seafret’

When you first met Ben you were very good at masking your autism so when you finally told him after 3 weeks of going out with him he was surprised yet very supportive. The next time you visited his house books about ‘dating someone with autism’ and ‘autism ; fact and myths’ books etc could be seen on his bookshelves and you could tell how much effort he put in because he loved you.

Fast-forward 3 and a half years and you had moved in together. He could read your emotions and sense an outburst even before you could, he knew what you needed when experiencing a sensory overload (space), made sure he had all of your safe foods filling the cupboards to the brim, sleeping with a weighted blanket in your shared bed to help you sleep. But there is one by far that he does that sets him apart from the rest.

It started on a busy summers evening in the park you were having a picnic date but the only thing was the fact that the whole neighbourhood had decided to have a picnic as well that day. And you didn’t like people staring at your stims and you were flapping your hands quite noticeably so he joined in, flapping his hands and arms around without a care in the world, diverting all the unwanted attention towards himself. Both of you bursting out with laughter.

later that evening he ran a lovely bath for you, no bubbles, and he was downstairs playing FIFA with Madders, Mason and Kai. Suddenly you felt the need to do your head banging stim against the edge of the bath, Ben heard this from downstairs. pulling the microphone on the headset to his mouth and speaking urgently.

“sorry lads, that’s me dont for tonight, same time tomorrow !” he said throwing the headset on the floor and rushing to your side not that you needed his help, you could stop if you wanted it just felt nice and was calming. He slipped his hand under your head in an attempt to dim the force as not to hurt you.

“Baby, i know it feels nice but can you try not to do that one because its not safe hun.”he said gently.

“I am sorry” you replied thinking he was angry with you.

“dont apologise my love, i tell u what ,when you are out of the bath i can get you some pillows to do that to ?”

“yes please” you replied.

That night he laid in bed with you , holding you softly whilst you stimmed in a safe environment. him leaving trails of gentle kisses along your jawline lulling you to sleep.

A/N : please don’t come at me , i tried to portray stimming as something y/n doesn’t need help with however i dont have autism yet stim everyday constantly and sometimes i need help with it otherwise i will get overexcited! hope this is what u wanted anon and please keep an eye out to see if @blueathens posts her version xx

#ben chilwell imagine #benchilwel #ben chilwell fluff #ben chilwell fanfic #mason mount #james maddison #kai havertz #fluffy fluff #please show this fic some love

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tatesweaterweather · 4 years ago

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“You know that somewhere deep down, you still love me” sex with Kai - fem!reader <3

(⚠️ warnings!: talk of cheating, slight abuse, stalking, cussing & smut)

It had been two years since you seen Kai.

Two years since you told him you no longer wanted to be with him. He didn’t take it well.

For six months straight you flinched at every slight noise. You found yourself constantly looking over your shoulder in fear you would find him behind you, waiting to wrap his fingers around your vocal cords until you could no longer form a proper sentence. You knew what Kai was capable of but you just couldn’t stand to be around him anymore.

You waited until what you thought was the right time and told it to him straight. He just looked at you with anger burning behind his eyes, a look you’ve seen but never received.

After catching the terrifying look upon his face, you stood up from the couch in fear while Kai remained silent. When you had tried to leave, he grabbed your wrist in an attempt to make you stay. When that didn’t work and you pulled away, he began to angrily scream at you with everything he had. You never felt so fearful in your life.

You eventually made it out though, physically and emotionally. Slowly but surely, you had began to see less and less of Kai. You no longer caught his henchmen lingering. Those songs that always reminded you of him no longer reminded you of him.

About four months ago you started dating your current boyfriend, Ethan. You had met him in a bar and instantly, you two became friends. From there, you began taking your relationship to the next level and so on. Things were finally looking okay for you.

This evening, you and Ethan had decided that you were going to stay in instead of going out for your date. You ordered food, set up a movie, and switched into your comfy clothes when you had seen your phone begin to light up. Instinctively, you reached for it. When you picked it up, you immediately felt as if your heart was in your throat.

It was Kai.

You stared down at your phone in confusion. You thought you had blocked his number ages ago, so how could he be calling? You quickly apologized to your boyfriend before leaving the room to answer.

“Hello?” You hesitantly questioned.

“Hey, little lamb.” Kai spoke from the other side of the phone. You instantly got butterflies from the old nickname but quickly pushed them down.

“You shouldn’t be calling.” Your voice went quiet as you stared down at your feet.

“I’m calling about Winter.” He paused. “Something happened.”

“What?” The feeling of worry easily making your voice crack. “What do you mean something happened?”

“It’s just-” He started but cut himself off. “There was an accident. She’s here at home now. I figured you may have wanted to know that considering you two used to be friends.”

“Oh, shit.” You frantically looked around. “Okay, I’m on my way. Is it bad? Like, should I take something for her?”

“No, she doesn’t need anything right now. Just get here as quickly as you can.” He replied with shortly before hanging up.

Shakily, you placed your phone down and began getting dressed. You anxiously fished through your closet for the closest pair of shoes, not realizing your boyfriend was now behind you.

“Jesus, fuck. You scared me, Ethan.” You clutched your chest.

“Something wrong, babe?” He looked at you, concern in his eyes.

“It’s my friend, Winter. They said she was in an accident. I’m heading over there now.” You explained as you grabbed your purse, slinging it over your shoulder.

“Oh, shit. That’s not good. Did you want me to come with?” Your boyfriend offered.

“No, I couldn’t ask you to do that. Plus, it’s most likely going to be chaotic and I don’t want to put you through that.” You kissed his lips. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

Ethan nodded and you smiled softly before swiftly walking down the stairs to your car. After you had left Kai, you decided to move about a half hour west of your old place. You shakily sighed as you made your way to your ex boyfriend’s house.

About a half hour later, you pulled up in front of the house. You swallowed in anxiousness and made your way to the front door. You knocked a few times before Kai answered.

“Hi.” He smiled down at you.

“Hey, Kai.” You smiled back. “So, where’s Winter?”

“Oh, I just went to help her lay down. It was going to be a surprise for you to be here but because I didn’t want to ruin it, I didn’t tell her and I just let her sleep.” He stepped to the side. “You can come in, if you want. She’ll probably want to get up again soon.”

Hesitantly, you nodded and walked inside. The memories of the house instantly hit you like a pile of bricks.

“Wow.” You traced the walls with your fingers. “It’s been so long.”

“Yeah..” Kai agreed. “So, did you want to wait for her in the basement? We can sit around down there, like old times.”

You nodded softly in agreement, not wanting to upset Kai in any way. He motioned for you to go first as he held the door open. You slowly began walking down the stairs, shakily placing your hands on the wall which each step for support. When you got to the bottom of the stairs you stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do.

“It’s okay, Y/N.” Kai reassured you. “I’m not gonna hurt you. You don’t have to be so jumpy.”

“Sorry..” You trailed off as you sat down on the sofa. Kai sat down on the chair across from you and sent you a small smile.

“So, tell me what’s new.” He looked at you expectedly.

“Not much, I’m the same as always.” You began fidgeting with your phone in anxiousness, your lock screen immediately lighting up. You looked down to see you and Ethan sharing a kiss. “Well, there is something new actually. I have a new boyfriend.”

Kai’s unreadable expression remained the same. “Oh? That’s great, little lamb. Why don’t you tell me a little about him.”

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat from the now foreign nickname. “Uh, we started dating a few months ago. His name is Ethan.”

“Ethan.” Kai nodded. “I’m happy for you, angel.”

“Yeah..” You smiled, not knowing what to say. “So, anything new with you, Kai?”

“No.” Kai shook his head. “Well.. I do have a little something to confess.”

You looked at him expectedly, waiting for him to go on.

“I wasn’t exactly honest with you earlier, little lamb.” He leaned forward in his seat.

“What?” You weren’t sure if you had heard him right.

“Well, I called you over here because Winter had an accident.” He stood up. “Truth be told, Winter is just fine.”

You sent him a confused expression to which he responded with by smiling.

“Yeah, she’s out with a friend right now.” He began walking over to you, sitting on the coffee table just in front of your legs. “I just needed to get you over here but I knew I would have to tell you a little white lie in order for that to happen.”

You were at a loss for words. What the fuck?

“Did you think I wouldn’t find you?” He asked. “Did you seriously think I would just let you leave me for that premature dickwad?”

“Don’t call him that.” Your voice weakened as he continued to stare you down. “I knew it was a mistake coming here. You’re fucked up, Kai.”

You attempted to stand up but Kai instantly pulled you back down.

“Are you happy with him?” He questioned.

“What?” You stared at him in confusion.

“Are you happy with him?” Kai repeated.

“Yes, I’m very happy with him.” You defended your relationship. Kai leaned in and your heartbeat immediately picked up.

“How’s the sex?” He taunted. “How often do you cum when you’re with him?”

You look down to avoid Kai’s stares. You kept quiet as he waited for an answer.

“Well..?” He waited. “Does he please you how you want to be pleased?”

“Yes..” You nodded.

“Why did it take you so long to answer me, little lamb? Are you lying?” He spoke with a dominant tone in his voice.

“No.” The submissive side of you instantly taking over.

“Are you sure?” He leaned in, his breath dangerously close to your ear. “Because if you’re lying, daddy will know.”

Your breath hitched as Kai began running his fingers up and down your thighs.

“You know that somewhere deep down, you still love me.” Kai’s lips touched your earlobe. Your eyes closed as his fingers began getting higher and higher up your thighs.

“Kai, we can’t. It’s not right.” You gently shoved him away. “It’s not right for either of us to be doing this right now.”

“I don’t know, baby.” Kai leaned back in, slipping his hand under your pants and into your panties. His fingers swirled around your entrance, not quite making their way in. You moaned softly and he pulled them out of your underwear. “You seem pretty into it, to me.”

The thoughts in your head were running so fast you didn’t even notice yourself slipping into his touch.

“Go on, angel. Let loose.” He whispered into your ear. “Why don’t you let daddy take care of you, hm?”

“Okay..” You hesitantly gave in to the lust running through your veins.

Kai pulled away for a split second to lift you up from your sitting position, laying you down on your back with your legs dangling off the arm of the couch. He looked down at you with lust before removing your pants along with your panties.

“Fuck..” He cursed as he took in the sight of your glistening pussy. He dropped down to his knees before pulling your legs closer to his face. He licked a stripe up your slit and you couldn’t help but let out a loud moan.

“That’s right, baby. Let daddy know how good he makes you feel.” He rubbed your clit softly with his thumb, flicking his tongue inside you simultaneously. Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and your hands went flying to Kai’s hair, gripping it slightly.

“Oh..” You whimpered as Kai removed his tongue, replacing it with his fingers. His fingers moved smoothly in and out of you, your greedy cunt coating them with every movement. “Kai.. please.”

“I’m sorry, what? I’m not entirely sure I understand.” Kai taunted. “I think you’re going to need to repeat yourself for me, princess.”

“Please, daddy.” You begged. “Please, I need you.”

“Alright, angel.” Kai stood up and immediately flipped you around so that your ass was in the air. “But only because you asked me so nicely.”

With your thoughts running loose, the only noise you could focus on was the sound of Kai’s zipper and the slapping of his cock against your pussy. You let out a soft moan as he pulled you in closer. He pushed in and instantly, a groan was pulled from his lips.

“Fuck.” He cursed as he found a fast, even pace. “Always so fucking wet for me.”

He reached down to rub your clit harshly with his fingers and you whimpered as you felt your orgasm begin to approach.

“Daddy..” You sobbed as you were overcome with pleasure. “I need to cum.”

“Go on, baby.” He continued his harsh movements against your clit. “Cum for me.”

You moaned out loudly as your legs began to shake violently under him, causing him to groan. He fucked you through your orgasm and you couldn’t help but let out a few tears from the overstimulation. He continued with his fast pace for a few more moments before you noticed his hips beginning to falter.

He groaned and cursed simultaneously as he came inside of you, causing you to gasp at the feeling. He took a few minutes to breathe before gently pulling out. He noticed you still slumped over in exhaustion and delicately picked you up, sitting you back down on the couch again. You sent him a small smile in return.

Realizing what you had just done, your breath picked up and you immediately began to panic. You looked down at your phone to see 3 missed texts from Ethan.

“Shit.”

(a/n: this fic was so fucked i’m sorry LOL! i literally wrote it so toxic. but i mean, isn’t that all kai is? toxic? idk. let me know what you think. should i add another part to this? more angst maybe?)

#american horror story #kai anderson #james patrick march #kit walker #tate langdon #jimmy darling #kyle spencer #evan peters #evan peters x reader #fanfic

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