#me when the thing i write specifically for myself appeals to my own tastes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

onewomancitadel · 2 years

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Aside from Skimming Eye, which of your works do you like the most/are you most proud of?

My favorite is literally all of them, obviously

Hi Lar (: thank you for your ask... and thank you for liking my fic T_T T_T T_T

I stress to add a caveat to this post that I have an extremely low opinion of myself and my fanfic, so I don't want this post to come off like bragging, and I'm usually mentally prepared for people to tell me my fanfic sucks these days, so overall talking about my fanfic in any positive way makes me feel really scared. I was really excited about Chapter 14 of The Distance Which Fools the Skimming Eye when I posted... and well, it didn't quite turn out the way I expected in reception.

If I'm taking that out of it though, and thinking purely from a craft perspective - which is much easier for me - I try to treat whatever I'm writing with a certain level of seriousness and at least try to make it a little clever and thematically driven. In some instances with prompts I deliberately went out of my way to make the prompt more interesting than first glance, but I find now I have too many fic ideas I'm working on to take prompts and I'm more 'free' with what I'm writing now.

So from a perspective like that, it's hard to choose favourites, because I know why I did certain things here and there and I enjoyed writing all of them, and nearly all of those fics are directly catering to my tastes, my own expectations, and the things I like playing with. If it's not clear, I don't write for popularity or other people. XD

On the other hand, Chapter 2 of Golden-faced is one of the few fics I've gone back and reread because it gave me heart-pain, you know when a fic gets you in the tummy and the chest, it does that to me and I don't know how, I think it's because I ran so concretely with the Wound of Love there lol, and the pacing is very much to how I like it, and the general Jaune-and-Cinderness.

The One Known by Many Names is also the one I really like because of the set-up and reversal and what I had in my head very specifically for the fic with the background I mentally established, and the Hades and Persephone flavour that's there, which is basically ummmm one of my favourite things ever when done correctly (when not done correctly, bane of my existence).

But I think recently Bunny Heart was a fic I verrrrrry much enjoyed writing because it was really... idficcy... like really appealing to the id of my favourite tropes, which I also attempted to ground thematically, so it made sense. The thing that really drives me mad about the conceivable Jaune/Cinder dynamic in particular is that a lot of stuff which seems too contrived, or doesn't make sense, or is too tropey, etc., just works so naturally with them - the way I write them is not the way I would other pairings, if that makes sense, it's very much specifically them. Like a tag on Home of No Hearth is 'Scheming characters means tropes happen on their own' just because that's basically it. Of course Cinder's going to be a possessive, sentimental freak holding onto Jaune's hoodie and be REALLY weird about it, she steals what she can and holds onto it for dear life lol, and if it so happens it's a metaphor for his heart or theirs...

It means that I can play with all the things I know are basically like brain candy and probably bad for me in the long run because I get chest pains writing about them and I get all of my favourite tropes I'm supposedly too mature for and actually romance should be boring and very cynical. Well how about NO I'm going to do WHATEVER I WANT!!! And it's going to make sense and be in character!!!!

The posts I made recently about Jaune and Cinder making sense together/being partners/being there for each other after they've been alone throughout the story is a persistent thing I enjoy playing with and I love the idea of them being extremely weird and intense about each other in a non-unhealthy way and I love writing all of that. I want my weird OTT romance and I want it now and I want romance without compromise. So that's the stuff I enjoy writing and getting to play with in particular. You can see for all of the serious intent with The Distance Which Fools the Skimming Eye the emotional core of it is one hundred percent that - it really is romance and compassion at any cost whatsoever, the steepest price with an uncompromising, priceless boon.

When I take my personal feelings out of it, it's much easier to talk about, as you can see.

But I like all of the fics I've posted and the ones I haven't posted. Part of what's difficult is that I can see my entire mental plan for what I intend to write and how the oneshots, multichapters etc. look like in that scheme, and I know how they all fit in together. I am intentionally writing and publishing things in a certain order. But it's difficult in the sense that, I suppose some people don't like oneshots for whatever reason, but I enjoy those to write as mental chewing gum, and because I want to see oneshots for Jaune/Cinder the way I write them, and because I'm working on bigger things beyond even The Distance Which Fools the Skimming Eye so I need to pace myself and take refreshers, and because I know how everything fits together in my head, if that makes sense. Dance of the Fall Maiden doesn't seem terribly popular, but I very much liked it at the time, and I've decided I'm expanding it into a longer story, so even things that aren't my topmost favourite - in the sense I feel vague embarrassment about that one - still contain interesting things to explore.

When I take out the personal feelings, writing fanfic brings me a lot of joy. I only hope other people can find that same joy...

Although my secret favourite which I still think about and makes me happy is The Wingspan of a Dream because I love the title and what it means thematically, I love Cinder in that story, I love the idea of Jaune and Cinder interacting in V6 - which yes, I have plans lol - and I love the tension of that entire scene and how I wrote it, but I can definitely see how it doesn't offer the same payoff as other fics I've published. I learnt a lot from it though and I realised I could actually write whatever I want with the ideas I enjoy exploring, prophecy and monsters and pain and joy, and that was really really helpful to me in continuing to open myself up.

So I've learnt a lot from posting other fic aside from The Distance Which Fools the Skimming Eye, which help remind me to continue doing what I'm doing and catering to my deepest, darkest, most sentimental and romantic desires. XD

Thank you for your ask. <3 <3 <3 <3 Hope I don't come across as whiny lol.

#seraphina's asks #user: lareanzo #my silly little stories

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ashleysingermfablog · 3 days

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What makes mysticism- mystical?

In "The Varieties of Religious Experience", William James writes that the term “mysticism” is often used synonymously (and derisively) with the vaguely spiritual, the illogical, or the romantic.

Yet, although the mystical may be ungraspable and inexpressible, James argues that true mystical experiences are not at all opposed to “facts or logic” and, when taken as a consistent phenomenon throughout history, are not entirely ambiguous or undefinable.

He proposes four hallmarks by which to identify a mystical experience:

1) Ineffability: “its quality must be directly experienced; it cannot be imparted or transferred to others.”

2) Noetic quality: the state may be highly affective, but it is primarily a state of knowledge, whereby one achieves “insight into depths of truth unplumbed by the discursive intellect.”

3) Transiency: it is fleeting and impermanent.

4) Passivity: the subject does not have the power to induce it or control its course.”

Mysticism and organic matter:

Many contemporary witch practices revolve around the use of organic matter.

Ghia Vatlie, self proclaimed modern witch uses roses in her practice of self soothment and offering to mystical entities, she writes:

Rose is a highly versatile flower and magickal herb. That’s why there are more ways to use dried rose petals in magick and witchcraft than you think.

Many people like roses in general, but a lot of witches (myself included) tend to be especially fond of roses. After all, roses are beautiful, smell good, and embody a natural elegance of their own. For this reason, witches use rose petals in love spells and workings that relate to relationships. However, rose petals also contain potent magickal energies that don’t specifically relate to love magick or romance charms. In fact, there are plenty of other spiritual uses for rose petals.

For offerings:

Rose petals make an excellent offering or sacrifice to any deity, spirit, faery, demon, or other interdimensional entity that you sense will enjoy them. It’s the energy of rose petals that makes them appealing to certain entities. Goddesses such as Aphrodite, Venus, Gaia, Flora, Astarte, Lilith, and more appreciate receiving rose petals. For example, I’ve sprinkled rose petals on the shoreline to honor Aphrodite. Use your intuition to sense whether or not an entity would appreciate a handful of rose petals before using them in a ritual or spell.

Drinking rose tea is a great way to kick back and get magickal. Tea magick is a real thing and not only is rose tea relaxing, but it tastes wonderful. Any time you make rose tea is an opportunity to make magic. What I do is set an intention while the roses are seeping into the water. The water absorbs my intention and when I drink it, I absorb that energy within my being. This, in turn, helps me manifest my intention. Rose tea is also helpful for assisting with your psychic development and boosting your confidence. Again, I prefer to use the organic Rose Buds and Petals (Red) by Alive Herbals for tea more than other products.

Roman and Pagan traditions, mysticism and flowers:

Floralia, a festival honoring the Roman goddess Flora (goddess of spring), was a precursor of May Day and lasted five days bridging the end of April and the beginning of May. The academic website Classical Wisdom notes the festival was "a time of dancing, gathering of flowers and the wearing of colorful clothes."

The May Day revelries were associated with fertility and new life. Villagers danced around maypoles.

The Celts of ancient Britain celebrated Beltane, a pagan holiday marking the beginning of a new season. These ancients built bonfires to mark the beginning of the summer season, and it was this celebration that evolved into the medieval fetes known as May Day.

Lastly,

Mysticism as:

Traces, Signs, and Symptoms of the Untranslatable by María Iñigo Clavo, 2020

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grad604-haydenmiddleton · 7 months

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20 OBJECTS WRITING CUT DOWN EVEN MORE (VER. 3)

Seraph of the End Manga

I watched the Seraph of the End anime for the first time when I was around 13 and ironically, I nearly didn’t finish it, but I’m really glad I stuck with it because now it’s one of my favourite pieces of media of all time.

Burts bees

I used to not take good care of my body at all and Lip balm is just a representation of the changes and routine I made to try and get better when I was depressed. I use lip balm all the time and it’s a simple self care thing that makes me feel better.

Washi tape

Washi tape is a staple at a lot of stationary shops and I can't handle the temptation and usually leave a stationary shop with something. I just like the aesthetics and patterns of washi tape that inspire some of my brightly coloured art, and sometimes I even digitally draw washi tape to emulate physical craft style.

Miffy wallet

Miffy is a rabbit character from the Netherlands and another character I enjoy collecting items from. This Miffy wallet is also a gift from my sister, as she’s always looking out for me and things I might enjoy, as she knows I’m a bit of a collector. Rabbits or rabbit features show up in my work a lot, almost as a representation of myself.

Tamagotchi

This is a Sanrio edition tamagotchi, which only ever came out in Japanese. My sister and I both had tamagotchis around 2010. I watch videos about the timeline and all about the different versions of tamagotchis that were made. It's a nostalgia thing and reminds me to put a childish 2000s flair into my work.

Stickers

I’m a collector, and my stack of sticker sheets is further proof. I get really nervous about using them. I want to keep all of them nice forever. A lot of the stickers are made by artists and often they’re made as merchandise for a show or cartoon I watch. It's been my dream to sell things like stickers myself.

Water cup

I have a love for water and hydrating, like all normal living things do. I genuinely believe drinking a lot more water and staying hydrated throughout the day has made me a happier, healthier person. Everything also just tastes better when drunk with a straw.

Converse

I wore fake Kmart Converse hundreds of times before finally investing in a pair of real Converse. I got them at my mum's insistence since she was sick of me getting blisters with the ill-fitting dupe. Shoes are extremely important to see the world in and to take inspiration from the world around me for my creative practice.

Pokémon cards

I have spent a crazy amount of money on my Pokémon card collection. But for me, it isn’t about pulling the crazy rare and expensive cards, it’s all about collecting the pretty cards or cards I find visually appealing. I collect these to appease my childhood self who wasn't allowed to buy Pokémon cards.

Ticket stubs

Here are some of the ticket stubs or receipts I’ve collected from going to shows. I keep these to preserve the memory of going out with friends or family to watch something. I really enjoy taking in the art and beauty of animated movie as inspiration for my own bright and bold creative style.

Keroppi figure

Keroppi is a frog from Sanrio, and I got this specific figure from a blind box, which means you’re not sure which design or character you’re going to get when you buy the box. I thought it was really cute that I got the one that is shown to be drawing just like a representation of me.

Sonny Angel

At first, I used to think Sonny Angels were creepy but the more I learned about them, the more I was swayed. Of course, they are also just a piece of expensive plastic that we buy and collect, but sometimes it’s about the simple pleasures in life.

Wacom

I got my first Wacom tablet when I was around 12 after borrowing my sister's far too much. I’m actually a horrible physical artist compared to my digital skills which you would think would crossover. This was the first step in taking me down the path of graphic design and helped me realise what I wanted to do for work later in life.

Testosterone

This is my medical prescription for testosterone. I go in every 3 weeks for an injection of this stuff. It took a lot of time to get to this point in my life, but I can confidently say it has made me a happier, more confident person to finally feel like I’m comfortable in my own skin. Cis or not. It’s important for us as people to express ourselves authentically.

Fuggler Box

This box once housed a fuggler, a funny, ugly creature. These toys are meant to be, well, ugly to an extent. They have interestingly shaped bodies, small beady eyeballs, and visible, semi-realistic-looking teeth! Despite the intent of them being made ugly, I find them quite endearing. I like this idea of finding the beautiful behind the ugly.

Grape Fanta

My love for artificial grape flavouring knows no bounds. I don’t even like real grapes! Fizzy drinks, soda, pop, whatever you want to call it, is one of my favourite things to drink as a treat. When I’m feeling down or I’m losing motivation, I treat myself to full strength, full sugar, definitely bad for me, soda.

He/Him Badge

I got this badge just before starting my transition. It was really hard to know inside that I was a man, but people around me didn’t know, which makes sense because I definitely don’t look like a typical man. To be honest, I don’t wear it very much anyway, as I became more confident in myself, and as long as I and the people close to me understood my identity, that’s what mattered most.

Splatoon Amiibo

Splatoon is a video game where you play as a 'squid kid’ (a kid who can also turn into a squid) and hang out in Inkopolis Square, shop for colourful streetwear fashion with unique abilities, and play games of turf war where yo try to paint the majority of the map in your team colour.

Dsi

The DSi was my first ever gaming console. I got it for Christmas one year from my nana when I was 7. This began my love for Nintendo and video games. I played a lot with my sister and they are fond memories. Video games go hand in hand with graphic design as they communicate a story visually and through a creative style.

Tote bag

I started buying tote bags for university thinking they would be cool and convenient. In actuality, they were inconvenient. I still have a considerable collection of them because I think they add to an outfit and you’ll typically see a tote bag as a creatives bag of choice, so I guess I’m just doing my duty as a designer.

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lesbianweedqueen · 2 years

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activities that are much more enjoyable when im zooted

There’s one activity that nearly every stoner can agree is better with weed involved: eating.

I’m not here to talk about that. We all know that food just tastes better when you’re high, ESPECIALLY MANGOES. It’s almost a scientific fact at this point (maybe it even is—I haven’t really investigated it). I’d rather talk about a few of my own personal favorite activities that people might not even have tried while high.

My biggest one: reading.

Not everyone can focus enough to read while high, but if you can, it’s wonderful—at least to me. Reading is a hobby I’ve enjoyed since childhood, and I find that when I’m high, it’s even easier to picture and imagine the worlds and characters I’m reading about. I don’t know what it is, really. It’s like when I’m high, everything slows down, and for reading it translates into feeling like the entire world around me is frozen and I’m completely submerged in whatever I’m reading.

Something else that I never would’ve imagined would be more enjoyable while high until I tried it: walking. I’d heard from others how great “high walks” are but I never really understood the appeal until I actually tried it myself. I like to enjoy my highs by avoiding things that have a specific type of risk to them—such as walking my dogs.

One of my dogs is very leash-reactive and my neighborhood is roamed by off-leash cats and dogs daily. I’ve never had a problem in the past, but I take the risk of a random dog running up to us and getting into a fight very seriously, so I try not to smoke right before walking my dogs.

How did I discover the joys of high walks, then?

I bought a very slim treadmill that has changed my life. I’m not one for physical activity—most of the time, it hurts, mainly due to my severe bursitis in both hips and patellofemoral pain syndrome in both knees. So, yeah, walking kind of sucks.

Weed helps with the pain, though—especially if I smoke right before hopping on the treadmill. The first time I got on the treadmill after smoking, that same time-slowing-down-effect that makes reading more enjoyable also made walking more enjoyable.

After a few minutes, it feels like I’m walking on air. I don’t even know, man; pot is weird sometimes. But I love using my treadmill while high, and I’m happy that I do because otherwise it would be going to complete waste.

Last up on my short list of activities that I enjoy significantly more while bombed: brushed and petting my animals. I feel like there’s not much I even really have to explain. My cats are soft as fuck. Batman, the biggest momma’s boy to date, lays in bed with me for a minimum of four hours every day. He always joins me and the dogs during naptime, and anytime I’m sitting in bed writing or playing RuneScape, there he is curled up against me.

Nothing feels better than petting my little Batman as he’s purring away against me, and it only feels better when I’m high. Batman is a little bit of a stoner himself (no, I don’t get my cat high, but I’ll explain his strange behavior in a separate post).

And as a great contrast, my dog Gizmo has coarse fur, so I’ll pet him with one hand and Batman with the other and it’s just—it’s divine, really. Not as divine as eating mangoes while high, but it’s up there.

One of my favorite things about weed is just how much more everything feels and tastes and sounds and smells. I think most people can agree with that.

Next time you’re toking, try reading, or petting an animal, or even walking. I’m sure everyone has tried these activities high, but if you haven’t—maybe they’ll be even more enjoyable to you than usual!

#stoner #weed #originalcontent #kushandquail

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maryrosereads · 2 years

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book survey - by @talkaboutyourself

What upcoming new release(s) are you most excited to read soon? Harlem Sunset by Nekesa Afia was just released today, and I am so excited to read it! I ordered it from one of my favorite little bookstores and it should be in soon.

What non-new release book(s) are you most excited to read soon? Oh my god so many. So so many. I don't know how to choose just one. I've really been looking forward to Blood and Guts in High School by Kathy Acker. I'm also excited (and slightly nervous) to continue the George Miles cycle by Dennis Cooper.

Do you typically pay attention to the new book releases each week? Not really! I rarely buy new, hardcover books. I almost always buy secondhand, borrow from my library, or wait until it comes out in paperback, so staying up-to-date with new releases isn't typically my priority. (When I buy new books it's from my local bookstores, and I have started staying a little more up-to-date by looking at their displays!)

Do you follow any publishing houses, bookstores, or book bloggers online? Yes, tons! I have book-related social media accounts on a lot of different platforms, so I get to follow tons of different accounts.

Did you set a numerical reading goal for the year? I did this year, but I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't make it.

What other reading goals do you have this year, such as reading more diverse books or being more willing to DNF books? I really want to try to read more nonfiction.

Do you enjoy participating in reading challenges, such as bingo-style goals or readathons? Occasionally. I usually prefer to do my own thing, but it does help get some ideas.

What motivates you to want to write a review about a book? I honestly just love being able to express my thoughts on different books. It helps me to better remember the books that I have read and allows me to really reflect on them. I would also like to meet more people who have similar tastes in books.

About how far into a book do you get before you know if you’re going to like it or not? It really depends. Sometimes I know right from the beginning, other times it takes a bit longer. Sometimes I'm not even sure until the very end.

Do you read a lot of books that are similar in specific aspects, such as featuring depressed female protagonists? Yes. My hyper-specific favorite genres are queer transgressive lit, female-fronted thrillers, and memoirs by queer women.

Do you try to purposefully read many different types of books or challenge yourself in reading, or do you just tend to read what appeals to you at any given moment? I'm definitely a mood reader, but I'm trying to diversity my genres a bit.

What are some books you have read recently or want to read that seem starkly different from what you normally read, and why did/do you want to read them? I'm planning on reading Jesus and John Wayne very soon, which is different for me because I seldom read nonfiction outside of memoirs. As someone who grew up in a conservative, Christian town, I am very fascinated by fundamentalist and evangelical Christianity, and I've heard that this book is a wonderful exploration of how evangelical Christianity has shaped the cultural and political landscape of the United States. It is also, unfortunately, very timely.

Are you a snob about any authors, genres, or types of books? If so, do you have any “guilty pleasures” in enjoying books that you or others might not take seriously? I don't really think I'm a snob with anything in particular, and I don't think I really have any guilty pleasures because I tend to be pretty shameless about what I like. I know there are people who "disapprove" of transgressive lit, but that really doesn't get to me.

Can you think of certain elements of a cover that draw your attention? What do you think about cover trends (e.g., contemporary fiction current trends include abstract, brightly colored designs with large text overlay)? I usually either like simple covers or really cheesy paperback covers (typically you see this with older romance or mystery/thriller/horror). Anything with a vintage feel is a win in my book. I really don't like the current trend of cartoon people on contemporary romance books, but I don't read a lot of those so it doesn't really matter.

Post a picture of a book (or books) that you have chosen initially based on their title and cover - or find a book whose cover and title you like but know nothing about yet. What is it about them that you like? Grady Hendrix is the king of covers. I was immediately drawn to the title because it screamed campy, fun horror. And when the paperback edition came out with this fantastic, cheesy, retro cover, I knew that I had to read it immediately.

Is there a book right now that seems to be heavily advertised or talked about but that you just have no interest in? I don't read a lot of YA, fantasy, or romance, so really anything in those genres isn't really for me.

What about a book that was heavily advertised or talked about that you were interested in, but were disappointed with? The Couple Next Door really disappointed me. I heard a lot about it from fans of thrillers, but the ending was astonishingly ableist. It was pretty disheartening to realize that a book that ableist was so hyped up.

Is there a book that you were once excited to read but never got around to? So many! I’m hoping to read them all one day. My tbr is endless.

Does your interest in reading a book wane when the hype dies down or if it begins to receive lower ratings than you anticipated? Not really. If anything, overexposure to a book will turn me off of wanting to read it, and I'll be more interested in picking it up when the hype starts to die down, and I'm not hearing about it everywhere.

What are some of the more unique or surprising ways you’ve learned of a book you wanted to read?

Do you have a method to your book consumption, such as reading a certain number of pages a day or always reading before bed? I always read during my breaks at work, which is nice. That allows me to read at least 15 minutes every day, and sometimes 45 minutes if I'm working a long shift. I try to read 50 pages a day, but that doesn't always happen.

Do other people in your family or close circle read books too? If so, do you talk about books and share recommendations? Yes! Most of my family and close friends read, as well as my boyfriend. We all have different tastes, so we only share recommendations sometimes. I have one close friend who has some similar tastes as me, so we share recommendations a lot.

Has an author’s personal behavior or social media activity ever influenced your desire to read a book, either positively or negatively? The entire J.T. Leroy situation is so incredibly fascinating to me. It makes me more intrigued to read their books, but also makes me reflect on them differently. (I have very mixed feelings on this situation.)

If you have brought a book somewhere else to read (be it on vacation, a commute, or to a coffee shop) do your memories of that book automatically take you back to that location? If I read a significant amount of a book at a certain location then yes.

Have you ever sought out a childhood book that you loved and read/bought it again as an adult? Did you enjoy it again? A couple years ago I reread We Disappear by Scott Heim, which I had read and loved when I was 14. I had forgotten most of the story and was wondering if I would still love it, and I did. I definitely plan to do this with more books. In particular, I've been meaning to reread The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Are there any books that you own multiple copies or editions of? Are there any you would like? Not at the moment, but I definitely would for a book I really love.

made by http://talkaboutyourself.tumblr.com/ original post available at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/talkaboutyourself/641427397564071936?source=share

#about me #bookblr #book survey

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xoruffitup · 3 years

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Annette: The AD Devotee Review

So I saw Annette on its premiere night in Cannes and I’m still trying to process and make sense of those 2.5 hours of utter insanity. I have no idea where to begin and this is likely going to become an unholy length by the time I’m finished, so I apologize in advance. But BOY I’ve got a lot to parse through!!

Let’s start here: Adam’s made plenty of weird movies. The Dead Don’t Die? The Man Who Killed Don Quixote? There are definitely Terry Gilliam-esque elements of the unapologetically absurd and fantastical in Annette, but NOTHING comes close to this film. To put it bluntly, nothing I write in this post can prepare you for the eccentric phantasmagoria you’re about to sit through.

While the melodies conveying the story – at times lovely and haunting, at times whimsical, occasionally blunt and simple – add a unique sense of the surreal, the fact that it’s all presented in song somehow supplies the medium for this bizarre concoction of disparate elements and outlandish storytelling to all coalesce into a single genre-defying, disbelief-suspending whole. That’s certainly not to say there weren’t a few times when I quietly chortled to myself and mouthed “what the fuck” from behind my mask when things took an exceeding turn to the outrageous. This movie needs to be permitted a bit of leeway in terms of quality judgments, and traditional indicators certainly won’t apply. I would say part of its appeal (and ultimately its success) stems from its lack of interest in appealing to traditional arbiters of film structure and viewing experience. The movie lingers in studies of discomfiture (I’ll return to this theme); it presents all its absurdities with brazen pride rather than temperance; and its end is abrupt and utterly jarring. Yet somehow, at the end of it, I realized I’d been white-knuckling that rollercoaster ride the whole way through and loved every last twist and turn.

A note on the structure of this post before I dive in: I’ve written out a synopsis of the whole film (for those spoiler-hungry people) and stashed it down at the bottom of this post, so no one trying to avoid spoilers has to scroll through. If you want to read, go ahead and skip down to that before reading the discussion/analysis. If I have to reference a specific plot point, I’ll label it “Spoiler #___” and those who don’t mind being spoiled can check the correlating numbers in my synopsis to see which part I’m referencing. Otherwise, my discussion will be spoiler-free! I do detail certain individual scenes, but hid anything that would give away key developments and/or the ending.

To start, I’ll cut to what I’m sure many of you are here for: THE MUSICAL SEX SCENES. You want detailed descriptions? Well let’s fucking go because these scenes have been living in my head rent-free!!

The first (yes, there are two. Idk whether to thank Mr. Carax or suggest he get his sanity checked??) happens towards the end of “We Love Each Other So Much.” Henry carries Ann to the bed with her feet dangling several inches off the floor while she has her arms wrapped around his shoulders. (I maybe whimpered a tiny bit.) As they continue to sing, you first see Ann spread on her back on the bed, panting a little BUT STILL SINGING while Henry’s head is down between her thighs. The camera angle is from above Ann’s head, so you can clearly see down her body and exactly what’s going on. He lifts his head to croon a line, then puts his mouth right back to work.

And THEN they fuck – still fucking singing! They’re on their sides with Henry behind her, and yes there is visible thrusting. Yes, the thrusting definitely picks up speed and force as the song reaches its crescendo. Yes, it was indeed EXTREMELY sensual once you got over the initial shock of what you’re watching. Ann kept her breasts covered with her own hands while Henry went down on her, but now his hands are covering them and kneading while they’re fucking and just….. It’s a hard, blazing hot R rating. I also remember his giant hand coming up to turn her head so he can kiss her and ladkjfaskfjlskfj. Bring your smelling salts. I don’t recommend sitting between two older ladies while you’re watching – KINDA RUINED THE BLATANT, SMOKING HOT ADAM PORN FOR ME. Good god, choose your viewing buddy wisely!

The second scene comes sort of out of nowhere – I can’t actually recall which song it was during, but it pops up while Ann is pregnant. Henry is again eating her out and there’s not as much overt singing this time, but he has his giant hands splayed over her pregnant belly while he’s going to town and whew, WHEW TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONING PLEASE. DID THE THEATER INCREASE IN TEMPERATURE BY 10 DEGREES, YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT DID.

Whew. I think you’ll be better primed to ~enjoy~ those scenes when you know they’re coming, otherwise it’s just so shocking that by the time you’ve processed “Look at Adam eating pussy with reckless abandon” it’s halfway over already. God speed, my fellow rats, it’s truly something to witness!!

Okay. Right. Ahem. Moving right on along….

I’ll kick off this discussion with the formal structure of the film. It’s honestly impossible to classify. I have the questionable fortune of having been taken to many a strange avant-garde operas and art exhibitions by my parents when I was younger, and the strongest parallel I found to this movie was melodramatic opera stagings full of flamboyant flourishes, austere set pieces, and prolonged numbers where the characters wallow at length in their respective miseries. This movie has all the elevated drama, spectacle, and self-aggrandizement belonging to any self-professed rock opera. Think psychedelic rock opera films a la The Who’s Tommy, Hair, Phantom of the Paradise, and hell, even Rocky Horror. Yes, this film really is THAT weird.

But Annette is also in large part a vibrant, absurdist performance piece. The film is intriguingly book-ended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character; and your own role blurs between passive viewer and interactive audience. The first scene has the cast walking through the streets of LA (I think?), singing “So May We Start?” directly to the camera in a self-aware prologue, smashing the fourth wall from the beginning and setting up the audience to play a direct role in the viewing experience. Though the cast then disburse and take up their respective roles, the sense of being directly performed to is reinforced throughout the film. This continues most concretely through Henry’s multiple stand-up comedy performances.

Though he performs to an audience in the film rather than directly to live viewers, these scenes are so lengthy, vulgar, and excessive that his solo performance act becomes an integral part of defining his character and conveying his arc as the film progresses. These scenes start to make the film itself feel like a one-man show. The whole shtick of Henry McHenry’s “Ape of God” show is its perverse irreverence and swaggering machismo. Over the span of what must be a five minute plus scene, Henry hacks up phlegm, pretends to choke himself with his microphone cord, prances across the stage with his bathrobe flapping about, simulates being shot, sprinkles many a misanthropic, charmless monologues in between, and ends by throwing off his robe and mooning the audience before he leaves the stage. (Yes, you see Adam’s ass within the film’s first twenty minutes, and we’re just warming up from there.) His one-man performances demonstrate his egocentrism, penchant for lowbrow and often offensive humor, and the fact that this character has thus far profited from indulging in and acting out his base vulgarities.

While never demonstrating any abundance of good taste, his shows teeter firmly towards the grotesque and unsanctionable as his marriage and mental health deteriorate. This is what I’m referring to when I described the film as a study in discomfiture. As he deteriorates, the later iterations of his stand-up show become utterly unsettling and at times revolting. The film could show mercy and stop at one to two minutes of his more deranged antics, but instead subjects you to a protracted display of just how insane this man might possibly be. In Adam’s hands, these excessive, indulgent performance scenes take on disturbing but intriguing ambiguity, as you again wonder where the performance ends and the real man begins. When Henry confesses to a crime during his show and launces into an elaborate, passionate reenactment on stage, you shift uncomfortably in your seat wondering how much of it might just be true. Wondering just how much of an animal this man truly is.

Watching this film as an Adam fan, these scenes are unparalleled displays of his range and prowess. He’s in turns amusing and revolting; intolerable and pathetic; but always, always riveting. I couldn’t help thinking to myself that for the casual, non Adam-obsessed viewer, the effect of these scenes might stop at crass and unappealing. But in terms of the sheer range and power of acting on display? These scenes are a damn marvel. Through these scenes alone, his performance largely imbues the film with its wild, primal, and vaguely menacing atmosphere.

His stand-up scenes were, to me, some of the most intense of the film – sometimes downright difficult to endure. But they’re only a microcosm of the R A N G E he exhibits throughout the film’s entirety. Let’s talk about how he’s animalistic, menacing, and genuinely unsettling to watch (Leos Carax described him as “feline” at some point, and I 100% see it); and then with a mere subtle twitch of his expression, sheen of his eyes, or slump of his shoulders, he’s suddenly a lost, broken thing.

Henry McHenry is truly to be reviled. Twitter might as well spare their breath and announce he’s already cancelled. He towers above the rest of the cast with intimidating, predatory physicality; he is prone to indulgence in his vices; and he constantly seems at risk of releasing some wild, uncontrollable madness lingering just beneath his surface. But as we all well know, Adam has an unerring talent for lending pathos to even the most objectively condemnable characters.

In a repeated refrain during his first comedy show, the audience keeps asking him, “Why did you become a comedian?” He dodges the question or gives sarcastic answers, until finally circling back to the true answer later in the film. It was something to the effect of: “To disarm people. It’s the only way I can tell the truth without it killing me.” Even for all their sick spectacle, there are also moments in his stand-up shows of disarming vulnerability and (seeming) honesty. In a similar moment of personal exposition, he confesses his temptation and “sympathy for the abyss.” (This phrase is hands down my favorite of the film.) He repeatedly refers to his struggle against “the abyss” and, at the same time, his perceived helplessness against it. “There’s so little I can do, there’s so little I can do,” he sings repeatedly throughout the film - usually just after doing something horrific.

Had he been played by anyone else, the first full look of him warming up before his show - hopping in place and punching the air like some wannabe boxer, interspersing puffs of his cigarette with chowing down on a banana – would have been enough for me to swear him off. His archetype is something of a cliché at this point – a brusque, boorish man who can’t stomach or preserve the love of others due to his own self-loathing. There were multiple points when it was only Adam’s face beneath the character that kept my heart cracked open to him. But sure enough, he wedged his fingers into that tiny crack and pried it wide open. The film’s final few scenes show him at his chin-wobbling best as he crumbles apart in small, mournful subtleties.

(General, semi-spoiler ahead as to the tone of the film’s ending – skip this paragraph if you’d rather avoid.) For a film that professes not to take itself very seriously (how else am I supposed to interpret the freaky puppet baby?), it delivers a harsh, unforgiving ending to its main character. And sure enough, despite how much I might have wanted to distance myself and believe it was only what he deserved, I found myself right there with him, sharing his pain. It is solely testament to Adam’s tireless dedication to breathing both gritty realism and stubborn beauty into his characters that Henry sank a hook into some piece of my sympathy.

Not only does Adam have to be the only actor capable of imbuing Henry with humanity despite his manifold wrongs, he also has to be the only actor capable of the wide-ranging transformations demanded of the role. He starts the movie with long hair and his full refrigerator brick house physique. His physicality and size are actively leveraged to engender a sense of disquiet and unpredictability through his presence. He appears in turns tormented and tormentor. There were moments when I found myself thinking of Conan the Barbarian, simply because his physical presence radiates such wild, primal energy (especially next to tiny, dainty Marion and especially with that long hair). Cannot emphasize enough: The raw sex appeal is off the goddamn charts and had me – a veteran fangirl of 3+ years - shook to my damn core.

The film’s progression then ages him – his hair cut shorter and his face and physique gradually becoming more gaunt. By the film’s end, he has facial prosthetics to make him seem even more stark and borderline sickly – a mirror of his growing internal torment. From a muscular, swaggering powerhouse, he pales and shrinks to a shell of a man, unraveling as his face becomes nearly deformed by time and guilt. He is in turns beautiful and grotesque; sensual and repulsive. I know of no other actor whose face (and its accompanying capacity for expressiveness) could lend itself to such stunning versatility.

Quick note here that he was given a reddish-brown birthmark on the right side of his face for this film?? It becomes more prominent once his hair is shorter in the film’s second half. I’m guessing it was Leos’ idea to make his face even more distinctive and riveting? If so, joke’s on you, Mr. Carax, because we’re always riveted. ☺

I mentioned way up at the beginning that the film is bookended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character, and between reality and performance. This comes full circle at the film’s end, with Henry’s final spoken words (this doesn’t give any plot away but skip to the next paragraph if you would rather avoid!) being “Stop watching me.” That’s it. The show is over. He has told his last joke, played out his final act, and now he’s done living his life as a source of cheap, unprincipled laughs and thrills for spectators. The curtain closes with a resounding silence.

Now, I definitely won’t have a section where I talk (of course) about the Ben Solo parallels. He’s haunted by an “abyss” aka darkness inside of him? Bad things happened when he finally gave in and stared into that darkness he knew lived within him? As a result of those tragedies, (SPOILER – Skip to next paragraph to avoid) he then finds himself alone and with no one to love or be loved by? NO I’M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL, I’M JUST FINE HERE UNDER MY MOUNTAINS OF TISSUES.

Let’s talk about the music! The film definitely clocks in closer to a rock opera than musical, because almost the entire thing is conveyed through ongoing song, rather than self-contained musical numbers appearing here and there. This actually helps the film’s continuity and pacing, by keeping the characters perpetually in this suspended state of absurdity, always propelled along by some beat or melody. Whenever the film seems on the precipice of tipping all the way into the bleak and dark, the next whimsical tune kicks in to reel us all blessedly back. For example, after (SPOILER #1) happens, there’s a hard cut to the bright police station where several officers gather around Henry, bopping about and chattering on the beat “Questions! We have a few questions!”

Adam integrates his singing into his performance in such a way that it seems organic. I realized after the film that I never consciously considered the quality of his singing along the way. For all that I talked about the film maintaining the atmosphere of a fourth wall-defying performance piece, Adam’s singing is so fully immersed in the embodiment of his character that you almost forget he’s singing. Rather, this is simply how Henry McHenry exists. His stand-up scenes are the only ones in the film that do frequently transition back and forth between speaking and singing, but it’s seamlessly par for the course in Henry’s bizarre, dour show. He breaks into his standard “Now laugh!” number with uninterrupted sarcasm and contempt. There were certainly a few soft, poignant moments when his voice warbled in a tender vibrato you couldn’t help noticing – but otherwise, the singing was simply an extension of that full-body persona he manages to convey with such apparent ease and naturalism.

On the music itself: I’ll admit that the brief clip of “We Love Each Other So Much” we got a few weeks ago made me a tad nervous. It seemed so cheesy and ridiculous? But okay, you really can’t take anything from this movie out of context. Otherwise it is, indeed, utterly ridiculous. Not that none of it is ever ridiculous in context either, but I’m giving you assurances right now that it WORKS. Once you’re in the flow of constant singing and weirdness abound, the songs sweep you right along. Some of the songs lack a distinctive hook or melody and are moreso rhythmic vehicles for storytelling, but it’s now a day later and I still have three of the songs circulating pleasantly in my head. “We Love Each Other So Much” was actually the stand out for me and is now my favorite of the soundtrack. It’s reprised a few times later in the film, growing increasingly melancholy each time it is echoed, and it hits your heart a bit harder each time. The final song sung during (SPOILER #2), though without a distinctive melody to lodge in my head, undoubtedly left me far more moved than a spoken version of this scene would have. Adam’s singing is so painfully desperate and earnest here, and he takes the medium fully under his command.

Finally, it does have to be said that parts of this film veer fully towards the ridiculous and laughable. The initial baby version of the Annette puppet-doll was nothing short of horrifying to me. Annette gets more center-stage screen time in the film’s second half, which gives itself over to a few special effects sequences which look to be flying out at you straight from 2000 Windows Movie Maker. The scariest part is that it all seems intentional. The quality special effects appear when necessary (along with some unusual and captivating time lapse shots), which means the film’s most outrageous moments are fully in line with its guiding spirit. Its extravagant self-indulgence nearly borders on camp.

...And with that, I’ve covered the majority of the frantic notes I took for further reflection immediately after viewing. It’s now been a few days, and I’m looking forward to rewatching this movie when I can hopefully take it in a bit more fully. This time, I won’t just be struggling to keep up with the madness on screen. My concluding thoughts at this point: Is it my favorite Adam movie? Certainly not. Is it the most unforgettable? Aside from my holy text, The Last Jedi, likely yes. It really is the sort of thing you have to see twice to even believe it. And all in all, I say again that Adam truly carried this movie, and he fully inhabits even its highest, most ludicrous aspirations. He’s downright abhorrent in this film, and that’s exactly what makes him such a fucking legend.

I plan to make a separate post in the coming days about my experience at Cannes and the Annette red carpet, since a few people have asked! I can’t even express how damn good it feels to be globetrotting for Adam-related experiences again. <3

Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to ask me any further questions at all here or on Twitter! :)

*SYNOPSIS INCLUDED BELOW. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF AVOIDING SPOILERS!*

Synopsis: Comedian Henry McHenry and opera singer Ann Defrasnoux are both at the pinnacle of their respective success when they fall in love and marry. The marriage is happy and passionate for a time, leading to the birth of their (puppet) daughter, Annette. But tabloids and much of the world believe the crude, brutish Henry is a poor match for refined, idolized Ann. Ann and Henry themselves both begin to feel that something is amiss – Henry gradually losing his touch for his comedy craft, claiming that being in love is making him ill. He repeatedly and sardonically references how Ann’s opera career involves her “singing and dying” every night, to the point that he sees visions of her “dead” body on the stage. Meanwhile, Ann has a nightmare of multiple women accusing Henry of abusive and violent behavior towards them, and she begins growing wary in his presence. (He never acts abusively towards her, unless you count that scene when he tickles her feet and licks her toes while she’s telling him to stop??? Yeah I know, WILD.)

The growing sense of unease, that they’re both teetering on the brink of disaster, culminates in the most deranged of Henry’s stand-up comedy performances, when he gives a vivid reenactment of killing his wife by “tickling her to death.” The performance is so maudlin and unsettling that you wonder whether he’s not making it up at all, and the audience strongly rebukes him. (This is the “What is your problem?!” scene with tiddies out. The full version includes Adam storming across the stage, furiously singing/yelling, “What the FUCK is your problem?!”) But when Henry arrives home that night, drunk and raucous, Ann and Annette are both unharmed.

The couple take a trip on their boat, bringing Annette with them. The boat gets caught in a storm, and Henry drunkenly insists that he and Ann waltz in the storm. She protests that it’s too dangerous and begs him to see sense. (SPOILER #1) The boat lurches when Henry spins her, and Ann falls overboard to her death. Henry rescues Annette from the sinking boat and rows them both to shore. He promptly falls unconscious, and a ghost of Ann appears, proclaiming her intention to haunt Henry through Annette. Annette (still a toddler at this point and yes, still a wooden puppet) then develops a miraculous gift for singing, and Henry decides to take her on tour with performances around the world. He enlists the help of his “conductor friend,” who had been Ann’s accompanist and secretly had an affair with her before she met Henry.

Henry slides further into drunken debauchery as the tour progresses, while the Conductor looks after Annette and the two grow close. Once the tour concludes, the Conductor suggests to Henry that Annette might be his own daughter – revealing his prior affair with Ann. Terrified by the idea of anyone finding out and the possibility of losing his daughter, Henry drowns the Conductor in the pool behind his and Ann’s house. Annette sees the whole thing happen from her bedroom window.

Henry plans one last show for Annette, to be held in a massive stadium at the equivalent of the Super Bowl. But when Annette takes the stage, she refuses to sing. Instead, she speaks and accuses Henry of murder. (“Daddy kills people,” are the actual words – not that that was creepy to hear as this puppet’s first spoken words or anything.)

Henry stands trial, during which he sees an apparition of Ann from when they first met. They sing their regret that they can’t return to the happiness they once shared, until the apparition is replaced by Ann’s vengeful spirit, who promises to haunt Henry in prison. After his sentencing (it’s not clear what the sentence was, but Henry definitely isn’t going free), Annette is brought to see him once in prison. Speaking fully for the first time, she declares she can’t forgive her parents for using her: Henry for exploiting her voice for profit and Ann for presumably using her to take vengeance on Henry. (Yes, this is why she was an inanimate doll moving on strings up to this point – there was some meaning in that strange, strange artistic choice. She was the puppet of her parents’ respective egotisms.) The puppet of Annette is abruptly replaced by a real girl in this scene, finally enabling two-sided interaction and a long-missed genuine connection between her and Henry, which made this quite the emotional catharsis. (SPOILER #2) It concludes with Annette still unwilling to forgive or forget what her parents have done, and swearing never to sing again. She says Henry now has “no one to love.” He appeals, “Can’t I love you, Annette?” She replies, “No, not really.” Henry embraces her one last time before a guard takes her away and Henry is left alone.

…..Yes, that is the end. It left me with major emotional whiplash, after the whole film up to this point kept pulling itself back from the total bleak and dark by starting up a new toe-tapping, mildly silly tune every few minutes. But this last scene instead ends on a brutal note of harsh, unforgiving silence.

BUT! Make sure you stick around through the credits, when you see the cast walking through a forest together. (This is counterpart to the film’s opening, when you see the cast walking through LA singing “So May We Start?” directly to the audience) Definitely pay attention to catch Adam chasing/playing with the little girl actress who plays Annette! That imparts a much nicer feeling to leave the theater with. :’)

#Adam Driver #Annette #Cannes 2021 #driverdaily #Annette spoilers

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prismatic-starstuff · 2 years

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If you have time, could you post something on the appeal of Morgott? I’m happy for you that you love him so much, and your fanfics are very well written, but I truly don’t understand what people see in him. I’ve spent a couple of days rooting around Tumblr looking for explanations, but I still don’t get it. For instance, I see people saying he’s sympathetic and caring, but I don’t understand why they say that?

Your “Thou’rt Yet to Become Me” essay about Radagon gave me a perspective on the character I hadn’t thought of, even if I didn’t agree with everything you wrote. I’d love to read a piece like that about Morgott. I feel like I’m missing something. :)

Hello hello! First off, thank you for enjoying my works, and thank you for enjoying my essay about Radagon; I really put a lot of work into that one so it means a lot to me that others enjoy it! I have actually been meaning to write an essay piece like that about Morgott for a while (specifically about how Elden Ring is almost framed as though Morgott is the hero of the story and we, the Tarnished, are the villain) so hopefully that'll be coming soon!

About why people say Morgott is a sympathetic character, that mainly comes from his backstory. He's had a difficult lot in life; he was abandoned in a sewer full of very aggressive individuals and very dangerous terrain from birth solely because he was born with 'defects' that he couldn't help, so things were hard from him from the get-go. It could be argued that Marika's only choices when it came to her Omen children were to abandon them in the Shunning-Grounds or to kill them outright, but regardless of the reasoning, it was a move that most likely influenced Mohg's rebellion against the Erdtree and all that his parents stood for... but with Morgott, he remained steadfast and loyal to the Erdtree. He stayed in the city of Leyndell to protect it as the 'Veiled Monarch,' even though - as we can see by the continued existence of Omens in Leyndell's Shunning-Grounds - the people would have likely turned on him if they saw his true face. As was stated in his remembrance, 'he loved not in return, for he was never loved,' and yet... he loved the Erdtree and fought for it.

As for why we reckon he'd be caring, there are a few things in-game that make me think this! As I mentioned before, he's extremely loyal, which is a positive trait. He was affected by the death of Godwyn, his brother, so much that he still has torches to reveal Black Knife Assassins issued right up to the events of the game. He speaks relatives' names so fondly even as he calls them out on betraying their city and the Erdtree.

To sum up what ended up as a really long reply (my apologies for that btw, I tend to ramble on 😅) Morgott's a man who's been shunned since birth, unloved even; and yet he's chosen to give his love to something that's never given it back, to protect his family's city, to hide away his own identity and self if it means he can do so. It's all a matter of personal taste of course, and I can only speak for myself, but I just think he's a very tragic and endearing and appealing character who really deserved better than the fate he ultimately got!

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lookninjas · 2 years

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Going back though my #on writing tag, I found myself rereading a thread about unsolicited concrit, and once again having all those Feelings About Concrit, and as I chewed my way through the feelings, I realized what it is that bothers me so much about the You Must Accept the Concrit crowd, and it’s this:

Asking random strangers to give you feedback is just focus grouping. Right? Inherently, that’s what it is. And focus grouping is about making your story acceptable to the broadest audience possible You are going up to a group of people who are on the website you will be posting to, who are reading the tags you are posting in, who like your fandom and your ship and whatever, and saying “Tell me how to write a story that appeals to you.” And you weed out the trolls and you weed out the nonsense and then you tailor your story to make those people happy, and if it doesn’t work, then you get more feedback and you try again and hopefully someday you are writing stories that make all those people happy.

And don’t get me wrong: If that’s why you write, that’s fine. Your priority is your audience, and you are learning to serve your audience what they want to be served and that’s absolutely fantastic and I hope it gets you everything you want in life.

But not everyone writes to serve the broadest possible audience, and that’s okay too.

For me, when I’m writing, my primary audience is myself. I have an ideal story in my head, and that’s what I’m writing to. I want the story to make sense in such a way that each beat of the story feels not obvious, but still inevitable. Something almost like a magic eye picture (for those who remember), where the image almost doesn’t make sense until suddenly it’s clear and you can’t see it any other way but clear. I want to explore themes that I am really passionate about with characters that I feel are as psychologically real as I can make them in a way that feels distinct from other writers, in a way that feels specifically mine. Auteur fic, if you will. And that’s not the kind of thing you focus group. You have to have a really clear vision, because the point is to match the story to the vision in your head. Getting advice from people who are just in the fandom or who just ship the ship or whatever will muddy that up.

And I swear I’m not trying to be a snob about this. I’m not. This isn’t me being a stuck up artiste type about what I do. But I still see sometimes this notion that if you don’t solicit concrit from strangers, or if you don’t accept unsolicited concrit, that you’re less than serious in your writing, and I cannot express to you how bullshit that sentiment is. I’m serious as a heart attack when it comes to my writing. I think it through to the nth degree. But I’m writing to myself first and foremost. I am writing to my own tastes, to my own desires, to my own idea of what a story should be.

A focus group won’t help me with that. If it works for you, fantastic. But that doesn’t work for me.

I’m not here to bash anyone for how they choose to write. I would like to be extended similar courtesy. We’ve all just got our own priorities. Life would be boring as fuck if we didn’t.

#on writing #on concrit #i sure do have a lot of feelings about unsolicited crit for someone who literally never gets it #on the other hand i do think that my insistence that I DON'T FUCKING WANT IT has something to do with that #so i like to reinforce those walls somehow #also the focus group thing is my best description for the problem yet so

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waywardrose · 4 years

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On Babbushka

There is a group of well-known writers in the fandom who have been discouraged and put down by one of their own, Zannah - @babbushka. It happens behind the scenes in DMs. It happens in posts and tags.

In DMs, she has started conversations with seemingly innocent questions. When she doesn't receive the response she was aiming for, she diverts the conversation to criticizing and humiliating the person. She has attacked writers for tagging—or not tagging—a post in a way she deems appropriate. She has gotten into arguments over how characters were portrayed and then tried to claim victimization when the other person wouldn't knuckle under.

She will appeal to her following to attack any fan or creator who has an opinion that differs from her own. She will encourage friends to send rude anons. Those same friends will also DM the target with rude remarks.

Several creators have stopped writing altogether because of their interactions with her.

We are tired of being discouraged. We are tired of being talked down to. We are tired of being bullied. Enough is enough. Under the cut we share our stories, let the chips fall where they may. It's up to you, the reader, to decide whether to support her.

We can only warn up-and-coming writers, artists, fans, and supporters of her behavior.

Hope - @callmehopeless

The Australian bushfires of the 2019-2020 season were nightmarish—for those living through it and those witnessing. As the season went on, cries for help increased. Joaquin Phoenix used the time during his Best-Actor acceptance speech at the Golden Globes to call for unity, action, and accountability. Regardless of what we may think of him, it was a thoughtful speech.

Hope, who is an Australian, found Mr. Phoenix's message encouraging and reblogged a gifset of his speech.

That morning, Zannah made a post about Mr. Phoenix's shady past and his association with a known sexual predator. The main reason wasn't because his speech was inappropriate or not timely, but because she didn't think he should be the one to get the attention over other actors who had spoken of the bushfires during the Golden Globes.

While Hope confessed she was scared of the bushfires, scared for her loved ones, Zannah was more concerned with purity. To Zannah it was about the face of the message, not the message itself. It didn't matter that Mr. Phoenix was amplifying support for Australia, what did matter was that he had done bad things.

It was virtue signaling on Zannah's part.

Still, this remains a complicated argument. Can a person who has done bad things actually have something positive to add to a cause? Should we listen to a problematic person if they share an insight? Does it reflect poorly on us to agree with their isolated statement? Will we be canceled, too? What about the bigger picture?

In this case, the bigger picture was hundreds of homes were destroyed in the bushfires and families were displaced. People died, thousands of animals died. And it was because of climate change. Mr. Phoenix called for his rich peers to examine their respective lifestyles and to give back.

Yes, Mr. Phoenix has done bad things. Yes, he has associated with people who have done bad things. His words resonated with people on Tumblr, and they reblogged part of his speech. He said something that gave Hope hope.

Hope was asked by a third party how they could help. She came back with a resource guide for those who wanted to send aid to Australians.

When it became obvious Zannah wouldn't silence Hope, Zannah decided to sub-post about the interaction. There, she accused Hope of being a rape apologist for reblogging a gifset and finding a little comfort in it. Zannah placed her ego before someone who was facing a very real danger.

Side-eying an actor is one thing, shaming a person you know for finding solace during a scary time is another. Hope isn't responsible for which voice got picked up. The only "colors" being shown here are Zannah's. She put her own concerns about being perceived as morally pure above actually supporting a friend.

I'll keep this brief - I knew Zannah for many years. And on one of the lowest weeks of my life, when my suburb was burning down and I feared for my family: she convinced me I was a rape apologist for sharing Joaquin Phoenix's speech asking for action on bushfires. In all my life, I never felt more alone. To add insult to injury, she then posted memes mocking me - something that has stuck with me to this day.

I've had dear friends quit the fandom because of her kinkshaming. I've had people I love message me distraught over what she's said.

Enough is enough.

— @callmehopeless

Rose - @the-wayward-rose

This PM exchange started after I tagged my reblog of Zannah's fic Feast (Cameron Bistle x Reader) with cw: white reader. I had been on her taglist, and I wanted to show support because I liked the fic overall. For context, the reason for my tag is because of this sentence:

"But then you're blushing so pretty and squeezing his hand affectionately and reaching for the handle to the passenger side of his car, and then you're laughing when he swats your hand away to open it for you, and then you're beckoning him down as if to ask a question – only to place a chaste kiss to his lips instead."

This is from Cameron's point of view.

She asked the reason for the tag, and I explained it was because of the use of "blush" to describe Reader's appearance.

She misunderstood my premise. I did not mean only white people blush.

According to Merriam-Webster, blush means "a reddening of the face especially from shame, modesty, or confusion" or "a red or rosy tint."

It is an autonomic response, though. It happens in all humans for body cooling and nonverbal communication. The main problem with using it universally is that melanin obscures the appearance of said autonomic response.

Here's an example of three runners:

The two pale women, left and center, are pink in the face. They are blushing. The woman of color on the right is likely blushing, too. However, the melanin in her skin obscures the blood in her cheeks. She is not pink.

That's the pitfall of the word "blush." The observer can't always see it. We know what it feels like. We all do it. The face and/or neck gets hot. The use of "blush" is shorthand in narrative, and I understand that. Nevertheless, when writing to cater to a reader-insert audience of unknown heritage, writers need to consider describing with universal terms.

Again, she misunderstood my premise. I clarified by asking how Cameron sees the Reader blush under an abundance of melanin:

She sidestepped the physiological explanation to go straight for justification. She tried to legitimize "blush" as "perhaps [this]" or "perhaps [that]" when I stated earlier that blush by definition is pink or is to redden. That's the logic. A noncommittal, covering-all-the-bases, complicated defense diluted the conversation.

With her earlier "I have friends of color, hence I can't be exclusionary" statement, I wasn't sure she would get my point. I take full responsibility for not explaining, too. I should've asked for some time to gather my thoughts, but I didn't. Truthfully, I was unprepared, because I didn't think my insignificant tag would be an issue.

Also, I was confused why she was trying to police my blog.

Her replies came rapidly—before I could mention my confusion—and felt aggressive in the moment. Maybe that wasn't her intention, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

That doesn't take away from the fact that words have meaning. It's why we use specific words. It's not understood in the narrative that her use of "blush" could mean a bunch of things. If I had known, I wouldn't have tagged as I did. How is a reader of color supposed to know that? How does Cameron see Reader's blush if she has darker skin?

As writers, we don't know who is reading. Someone could be very pale or very dark. A person with medium-toned skin can turn a shade of pink or red. A person with darker-toned skin will not. We can't assume all readers are medium to pale. We need to develop better writing skills. We have to include everyone.

Readers of color > White-writer feelings

When I stood my ground, she doubled down, stating I made no sense in my tagging and that I lacked the ability to learn from her. She then diverted the argument, attacking a ficlet I wrote a few days beforehand—which had nothing to do with this argument. The Christian imagery in that ficlet was upsetting to her and "in such poor taste" because she headcanons Flip Zimmerman (BlacKkKlansman) is 100% culturally and ethnically Jewish.

Flip stated in the movie:

"I'm Jewish, but I wasn't raised to be. It wasn't part of my life. I never thought much about being Jewish. Nobody around me was Jewish. I wasn't going to a bunch of Bar Mitzvahs. I didn't have a Bar Mitzvah. I was just another white kid. And now I'm in some basement denying it out loud[...] I never thought much about it. Now I'm thinking about it all the time. About rituals and heritage. Is that passing? Well then, I have been passing."

By his own admission, Flip is ethnically Jewish, but not culturally. These are two separate things, and that should be recognized. While Judaism is ethnically and culturally entwined in ways that other religions are not, one does not equate the other. You can be one and not the other.

At the time, I didn't want her to sic her 3000+ followers on me. I wasn't going to argue further. I asked myself if the ficlet was important and worth anon-hate and realized, no, it wasn't. It was a throw-away.

And since I'm not culturally Jewish, maybe I had misstepped. And since Zannah is both culturally and ethnically Jewish, I asked for her guidance.

She flatly refused my request. I don't know how I was supposed to learn from her if she wouldn't teach me.

It sounded as if she wanted me to delete the whole fic. Like none of it was worth saving because it hadn't been Zannah-approved. I had gone against her headcanon, and the fic was too offensive to fix.

The last sentence was supposed to cover her back from criticism, and it placed all the responsibility on me. Obviously, she was above such petty concerns as someone else's blog or writing. Never mind that she had just attempted to get me to change my tagging system and rewrite my ficlet. On my blog.

Later, I figured out she was only criticizing and not offering a constructive critique. Her argument was not in good faith. It was retaliation for not giving her the obedience she thought she was owed.

This is the passage that offended her:

"It’s because of the way he fucks you. Like it’s confession—though he’s never been much of a church-going man. Every touch, every thrust, is a truth between you. Even when it’s rough and greedy. It feels like flagellation when you claw his back. He wears the sin proudly."

This is what I edited it to:

"It’s because of the way he fucks you. Every touch, every thrust, is a truth between you. Even when it’s rough and greedy. It feels like flagellation when you claw his back. He wears your marks proudly."

Yeah, I'm not pleased with the revised passage. It's lost its teeth, but I keep it.

The anonymous message(s) she mentioned weren't very anonymous, either. Unfortunately, I've since deleted the two messages. I had apologized to Anon for disappointing them. I said that if the fic was too much, they should unfollow and block me. I meant that in a self-care way. At the same time, I did not—and do not—owe anyone discourse. I don't have to explain my art when it doesn't hurt anyone. And no one was hurt by some purportedly misplaced religious imagery.

I have been silent about this since late January/early February. I was embarrassed. I had been bullied into changing my blog and my fic by someone who proclaims to never do anything of the sort. I had been a fool. Since this conversation with her, I have been blocked/blacklisted by third-parties, most likely at her behest, when none of this exchange had been necessary.

Kassanovella - @kylorengarbagedump

Zannah's followers have asked her about Kassanovella’s Fix Your Attitude. For context, it's currently one of the most kudo-ed fics for Kylo Ren x Reader on AO3. It had a bit of a renaissance earlier in 2020 because a TikToker wrote a song for it.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting to read a fic. If the subject matter doesn't work for a reader, they don't have to partake. Easy as that. So, these tags aren't a problem.

However, it led to this...

She lashed out, calling Kassanovella's fic a joke. A joke.

She implied her fics should be as popular as Kassanovella's because she works really hard on them. She admitted she's tied to the metrics. She implied she wouldn't be writing fic if not for the external validation.

Here's the thing about fanfic: readers like what they like. They don't care about a writer's effort. They only know what works for them. They comment and give kudos, reblog and like what they connect with. That is not under the writer's control. All a writer can do is try their best and concentrate on what they're passionate about.

To bash another writer's fic because it's popular is disrespectful. This whole bitter rant drips of entitlement and is an affront to Kassanovella.

Some time later, an incident happened in a chatroom during a streaming event for veterans by Arts In the Armed Forces (Adam Driver's organization). At least one fan brought up Fix Your Attitude while waiting for Mr. Driver to make an appearance. They were also disrespectful towards the other presenters by demanding to see Mr. Driver. It caused a big stink within the fandom, and Zannah had some choice words.

While mentioning the fic during the livestream was inappropriate, it was also inappropriate to throw all fans of the fic under the bus as she did in her tag. Sweeping generalizations and incriminations of a subset of fans certainly reads as if she resents those fans for a perceived slight.

Next, Zannah made an earlier disparaging comment about Kassanovella's fic, Little Bird. Unfortunately, that comment is lost. However, the messages supporting the comment remain. (For context, Little Bird is a Kylo Ren x Reader The Handmaid's Tale AU. It has been well received in the fandom, earning thousands of kudos on AO3.)

What an author wants to write about and sexualize is their business. Fantasizing about being dominated by Kylo Ren isn't cringe. It's a sexual fantasy. Some sexual fantasies can be disturbing to those who do not share the same kink.

Sexual fantasies are like ice cream. There's a reason why there are different flavors.

Also, "I will never ever be a person that tells an author what to do or not do" is an absolute lie. As evident in this post, Zannah most definitely tells authors what to do or not do.

Again, she bashes Kassanovella, claiming her writing isn't good. Her motivation for bashing Kassanovella can only be speculation. With Zannah's previously stated opinion of Fix Your Attitude, though, it indicates a certain level of negative emotions.

Anonymous

An anonymous person came forward with a case of Zannah policing their blog. Anon has a sideblog for their personal AU with Flip Zimmerman. They reblog gifsets and post headcanons. They were an enthusiastic fan of Zannah's and reblogged a few of the gifset she made. Anon tagged their reactions, and Zannah blocked them for it.

Anon went to Zannah and asked why they were blocked, because all they wanted to do was have fun and support fellow Flip lovers.

Anon was under the impression that because they were shipping themselves, and not Zannah, with Flip, she blocked them. Their personal AU doesn't align with Zannah's headcanon that she alone is married to this character and has his children.

While Zannah's reply may sound innocent, and perhaps it is, it also speaks to someone who has set herself up as the owner of Flip Zimmerman. (Wait until Spike Lee or the real Ron Stallworth hears about that...) It appears that if a fan does not comply with the Zannah-approved headcanon, where only she is married to Flip, that fan shall be blocked. If a fan uses tags on their blog that she does not approve of, that fan will be blocked.

Zannah's policing is disturbing. Going into a blog to look for something as a reason to block is disturbing. Any fan is allowed to use any tag on their blog how they wish. If the OP has said their post can be reblogged, how a reblogger tags is beyond the OP's control. To punish that reblogger for not behaving in a way she finds acceptable is uncalled for and unjust.

Anonymous

Backstory: Zannah does not view Ben Solo's arc in the Star Wars sequel trilogy as acceptable canon. However, she does view the story she created for Flip Zimmerman in BlacKkKlansman as completely canon.

This is not the first time she has been asked to clarify her position. Nor is it the first time she has avoided giving an on-topic response. A question asked in good faith should be responded to in kind.

If a creator doesn't want to address the issue, they can state that they don't. Deflecting from the question only muddies the waters. Fans feel dismissed. The creator feels hounded, and comes across as irritated and unapproachable. No one has a positive fandom experience.

There is nothing wrong with having a headcanon. What is wrong is Zannah mandating her headcanon for Flip on the whole fandom. As evident in this post, if a fan does not comply with her headcanon, they will be summarily blocked.

Also, there is nothing wrong with rejecting canon. Writers of transformative works have always done this. The problem is shaming fans who have accepted canon while not offering justification for that shaming. A creator saying they "can't help them" is the creator washing their hands of responsibility from articulating their thoughts when they themselves began criticizing the canon in the first place.

Again, this is a bad-faith argument. Creators can't ask for discussion and attention and then get mad when their viewpoints are challenged. Just because a discussion isn't going a creator's way doesn't mean it's an attack, either. It means people want clarification, and if one criticizes, they should be able to back up their criticisms.

While sharing our stories has been freeing, it's not our aim as fellow fans to cancel Zannah. We would hope she would take the opportunity to reflect on the damage she has done to the fandom. We hope we all can move forward with a more approachable and supportive scene.

No one person speaks for our fandom. The actions of one fan do not represent the entire fandom. Whether creator or consumer, you are welcome here.

[posted July 25, 2020]

#babbushka #reader insert #flip zimmerman x reader #kylo ren x reader

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onewomancitadel · 2 years

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What, specifically, is your favorite thing to write? Knightfall obviously, but what kind of moment? The kisses, the build-up, the steamy scenes? Characters reflecting on their thoughts? I certainly know which ones I prefer READING, but I'd imagine that they can be pretty annoying to write.

Your answer should be PEA format, double spaced, size 12 Times New Roman, and at least 500 words.

Jk, but do feel free to explain why it's your favorite XD

As if my answer isn't going to be like that. If I could use Times New Roman, I would. I set my Word document to that by default. I don't mind Tumblr's 'new' font (is it like a year or two old now?), it's actually sort of pleasing to the eye.

My favourite thing to write... hm... I mean, there's my annoying answer, which is 'all of it'. I love inhabiting an idea and creating a scene, sort of like miniatures or building a house in the Sims 2 (I am a clutter-hoarder, and I use snapobjectstogrid off, so there's stuff EVERYWHERE, I have so much CC), that's partly why I like trying to be descriptive (not the 'style' of prose so much as what I choose to focus on). I forget who said it, but there's this author who said like... writing is getting to taste life twice.

One of my favourite elements in writing is unreliable narration. So, when I can specifically piece a scene where one person doesn't really know what the other is thinking, or assumes something else. That's like... the best part of romance... and originally, I used to really dislike perspective-reversal of the same scene, I was always like 'this is boring, yawn', but now I realised that to make it interesting, it's MUCH better if there's a serious disagreement re: perspective between the two parties. So that fundamentally makes it 'different'.

There are lots of places I intentionally try to do this in The Distance Which Fools the Skimming Eye, partly because miscommunication is one of those R/WBY themes that's impossible to avoid, and partly because 'seeing and not just looking' is a theme in that story... the path to that is hard. It's really not easy.

I love about-turns as well, and dreams dreams dreams and monsters, The Wingspan of a Dream is probably the only sort of story which appeals to me, I do wish I had made it longer.. I've toyed with another chapter or something, I think I posted it sort of prematurely (Cinder's a bit premature in that story too.

Any place where I can draw out the heart twisties as well. That's my favourite to write. What are the heart twisties?????? I cannot describe it to you if you've never had it, it's when something is so moving/painful/beautiful/loving it makes your chest hurt, like a physical response. I hate to be full of myself, I hate it, I don't want anybody thinking I think my writing is good, but Golden-faced's second chapter like literally knocks me the fuck out I fucking die it's just one heart twistie after another, I'm LITERALLY getting high off my own supply. Fuuuuuuuuck I fucking die, does anybody else feel this way? I get so excited over romance. Firstabble the bridal carry? From the first chapter? 'You're not that heavy'? Sensing her internal monologue? FUCK ME. FUCK ME. JUST FUCK ME. Then Cinder pulling that whole 'you're doing something to control me' fucking thing, because pain and love, pain and love, pain and love!!!! Wound of love!!! Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jaune being embarrassed!! Cinder not even giving two shits about him being emabrrassed!!! Oh my goddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd I sincerely promise I don't think my writing is good, this is just how I get and why I love writing romance, I can't make it better if you won't let me love you...... and then my favourite part in the kiss is when he bodily lifts her up on the desk. Fuck he just picks her up. fuck. I can't describe to you the feeling, but that's the point of the fic.

Anyway what? sorry I got distracted. Umm yeah so you know I have my obsessions, bridal carries, Wound of Love, unreliable narration, I love when things are other things, I like describing stuff and in Skimming Eye when stuff is described it's sort of like they're thinking about each other anyway because when you love love is everywhereeeee. Oh and I do actually like writing side characters, contrary to my recent bitch posts.

At the end of the day... is there reason for me to write anything except for the heart twisties?

Oh but like, I love writing everything about Cinder and Jaune. They're so much fun. Easily my favourite perspective characters for fanfic, ever. I would also probably say I like writing build-up to anything, and figuring out how to stage tension. If I had to tell you a recent line I was surprised worked in Skimming Eye it's from the end of Chapter 10:

Her long black hair danced in a wind he did not feel on his skin. He reached to touch his own hair, at the low ponytail, as if to pretend that he were touching hers as he touched his.

That's the kind of stuff which drives me crazy. I love when things are two things at once and I love their bizarre intimacy. I just love intimacy. I also love characters that dream and long... I'm always writing about dreams, people are going to get sick of it. I love the kisses, I love writing sex between them that's also, of course, doubling intimacy, I love not-sex and metaphorical-sex, I love pining, I love pain, I love tension, I love Jaune holding her Grimm hand and her flesh in the other, I love character reflection, basically... I guess all of it, I guess also I have such select interests I want to put out what I'm interested in, in the hope somebody also is.

Oh and I love them talking. Dialogue is always some of my favourite stuff to write. It's the best. I love dialogue as action/discourse in a story to make stuff happen, it's very very meaningful.

I hope that's a satisfactory answers... my writing is by no means good, I only wish to be a purveyor of heart twisties.

#seraphina's asks #user: lareanzo #purveyor of heart twisties #best clown in circus

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lovecrafts-iranon · 3 years

Text

There are many things people talk about liking in stories that I don’t get. This is one reason why I suck at writing.

I like stories for certain specific things, some of which are generally agreed upon to be good (but not the only requirements for a good story) and others that are more personal taste. I thought I would reach others like me, others looking for the same things. You’re supposed to write the kind of stories you would like to read, no? I’ll go over what I like first, then move onto the many things I don’t get.

If a story has enough of these tropes, I automatically love it. I don’t know why there aren’t people like me who automatically love my stories for including them.

-Bad guys win/unhappy endings

-Redemption arcs

-When a character sees the person who messed up their childhood as a role model

-Explorations of why people do bad things -- secular theodicy! Both on a personal, psychological level and on the level of society/incentives.

-Reality slapping the protagonist and other characters in the face

-Conflict where it's hard for the reader to pick a side

-Extremely fucked up people

-Hard choices where there will be negative consequences no matter what, and none of that "picking a third option and saving everybody" bs

-Death

-Violence

-But a lack of "justice" -- all the death and violence should NOT be used to "take characters down a peg" or as punishment or generally in a way you're supposed to root for

-Sympathy for all characters

-Tragic backstories

-Slow downward spirals

-Failure

-Anti-villains and anti-heroes (preferably every single character is one)

-Uncomfortable alliances and compromises

-Dystopias

-Realpolitik

I think the reasons behind why people do bad things in real life are fascinating. My favorite nonfiction book is Eichmann in Jerusalem. I like learning new examples of the backstories for man’s inhumanity. Seeing… not the actions themselves, but the reasons and mindsets behind them… that’s what inspires me to write stories.

One component, though not the entire reason, is my own history. For almost two decades, there were only two people really in my life. My mom, a narcissist, and myself, a bully who tried to emulate her. I want to understand these two people. Even after all I have learned on why people act like that, there are still new mysteries, new insights.

The other thing I find important is plot structure — I have read many books and seen many movies that I enjoyed until the unsatisfying ending, which instantly flipped my opinion. When people say they like, say, Under the Dome (King is especially known for these kinds of books) despite how the ending sucks, I wonder what planet they’re coming from. Every promise offered by the plot must be fulfilled! It feels so wrong when this doesn’t happen that the whole thing becomes fundamentally unenjoyable! I also don’t see how a story can be widely loved and have a deus ex machina, or have an important character introduced past the halfway mark, or have random events influence the plot instead of character choices. These things send stories to jail! I know these things matter to other people, but they really matter to me.

Onto more specific things I don’t understand.

1. Poetry. I agree pretty much out of necessity with Orwell in that I want my writing to be a clear window to the characters/plot and not a pretty stained glass one. I have read a lot on this subject and while I can pick out what makes a sentence clunky or bad sounding, I can’t do the opposite. The turns of phrase in poetry generally mean nothing to me. I don’t think this is that important, though, because poetic sentences are not common in any of the places I wrote for or intended on writing for. Poetry breaks immersion, and immersion is key in fanfiction, horror, science fiction, and fantasy. However, even though they write in a straightforward style, many of my favorite authors talk about how their love of poetry and of fancier prose from more literary works has helped them become better authors. So I’m missing out.

2. Aesthetics. https://href.li/?https://www.richardkmorgan.com/2016/04/gratuities-at-your-discretion-2/ That stuff. No idea how to increase it and I’ve never seen advice on doing so.

3. Romance. I am aromantic. When I see romance in a story, I get bored. I do not read books or watch movies where romance is the primary focus. I do not understand the appeal of any of the associated tropes. I don’t even notice how the tropes are applied when I do read them because my brain just zones out.

4. Positive character traits. The way characters are “distinguished” in most popular media is: one character will be exceptionally brave, while the others are the normal amount of brave. One will be exceptionally funny, while others are the normal amount of funny. One will be exceptionally kind, while others are the normal amount of kind. They will also have different aesthetics and hobbies and combinations of positive interpersonal relationships. They will have minor flaws that they can overcome when an important enough task presents itself. These characters are both boring as hell and indistinguishable from each other to me.

For me, characters are distinguished by:

-Their major flaws that cause them to fail at crucial tasks and harm others

-The different incorrect, fucked-up things they believe about how the world works

-Their priorities, especially the ones they value over being decent to others

I don’t know what people get out of reading about good people who do good things. I don’t get the endless discussions of the different types of bravery. I don’t get why people like these characters who appear to have no substance to me.

I am not looking for fiction recommendations. I don’t read anymore. It’s too painful a reminder that other writers can become popular when I never can.

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jayjaysocks · 4 years

Text

Listing my favorite animes (because I’m jumping on the bandwagon)

❗️⚠️ *spoilers!! (Duh)* ❗️⚠️

5. Deadman Wonderland

I was really really sad when I found out this anime got cancelled. The music was fantastic, the animation was really good, and the voice acting was incredible. Even the fucking dubbed version (I loved the voice they chose for Senji. God he was hilarious). I binged this show so fucking fast it wasn’t even funny. I loved watching the characters go through their own struggles and grow as people in the very small amount of episodes provided. There was a lot of development within the snippet that we actually saw, and I was thoroughly impressed with how well it was done. I wanted to scream or something when I found out there wouldn’t be a second season.

Sigh. Oh well. At least we got some of the manga’s masterpiece translated into a show, even if we were missing some fucking awesome characters.

4. Guilty Crown

Ugh, don’t even get me started. This anime was beautiful and I got so invested so freaking quickly. I literally go back every few years to rewatch it because I get ship starved.

Shu and Inori’s story was so beautifully done; between Shu uncovering his courage and Inori’s journey of self-discovery, I was continuously awe-struck and filled with feelings—I mean, I had never felt such raw emotion while watching something and I was completely blown away by the affect it had on me. Anger, hatred, sadness, it was all there (even for the main character lmao) and it was one of the first times I had ever felt a ship so heavily that I literally cried at the end. It was one of the very first Animes I’d ever seen and was one of the reasons I got such a taste for them. Thanks for throwing me down that rabbit hole, GC.

3. Soul Eater

This was literally the first Anime I’d ever seen, and my god I couldn’t have asked for a better starter. What I like about this one is that it’s style is so unique and different. It’s very punk and grunge, something I admired and appreciated in a genre that is normally the opposite (like Guilty Crown, for example). Also the fight scenes were badass, like holy shit just look at that gif ??? Freaking amazing.

I loved the way the show transitioned from light hearted to intense and adrenaline pumping so effortlessly. That can be said about a lot of shows, but this one went from *haha cute show* to *holy shit, like they’re actually gonna die ohmygod howaretheygoingtosurvivethis* so smoothly I was genuinely surprised. They made one of the main villains actually cool and each character had their own beautifully done arc. I loved and adored how the show solidified and expanded on the different friendships/relationships that were involved—specifically Soul and Maka’s (also, holy shit, Stein’s arc? Fucking prime, dude). There was a lot of growth in each and every friendship (CRONA!!!), and that really pushed the viewer to invest in the individual characters.

I am fucking delighted that this was my first anime, and (though the ending was a little anticlimactic) it remains one of my top favorites to this day. It set the bar pretty fucking high, and for that I am extremely greatful.

No one asked for Soul Eater: Not! It is the unspoken sin of the Soul Eater world (then again, it is called Soul Eater: Not!)

2. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

If you have been following me for a while, then you are no stranger to my love of FMAB. Some of my most popular posts are about this anime, and for good reason.

Unfortunately, I was late to the party. I actually didn’t watch this until last year, but got invested really damn quick. I have a tendency to be extremely picky about the animes that I watch/like (which is why NONE of these shows are that recent), to the point that I will literally research them before I start watching (a bad habit, do not copy me). I have an incomparably hard time finishing a show when I start, because I get bored really quickly, but this was an exception. I started watching and I just... didn’t stop. I spent a straight week watching FMAB, gobbling it up during any small amount free time I could manage, and finished it before I even knew what happened. I wasn’t picky about it, I didn’t research it, I just dove right in and gosh, I was not disappointed.

The subtle romance that was alluded throughout the entire show was super cute, the devotion the brothers had for each other was to die for, and the struggles that each person went through was more than moving. I never once found myself bored while watching, and that’s saying a lot for my adhd ass. I was invested in each and every second of that damn anime and I was never, ever left underwhelmed. That probably had to do with the fact that every. Single. Character. Had a purpose. I’m not even kidding. Every single person contributed to the big fight at the end and that alone is fucking fantastic.

Not to mention ALL the women, every female character, was a badass bitch. None of them were reduced to sex appeal or romantic subplot, they all had real feelings, real arcs and real, unadulterated badassery that I thoroughly admired and appreciated. I could watch this anime over and over again every single month and I wouldn’t get bored. Between the emotional struggle, self discovery, and personal development of each character, I promise you will not see a lack of plot or meaning here. The more you watch, the more you discover and that is not a lie. There are so many layers to its story, which only makes me wish I had watched this sooner.

There is nothing I have to offer in the ways of criticism, and for that I couldn’t be happier. Thank you, Hiromu Arakawa, for such an incredible piece of art. You deserve every bit of love that this manga/anime gets. You go girl.

1. Cowboy Bepop

Holy shit holy shit holy shit this anime is so fucking good and it has been my favorite for so damn long. I have been watching anime for years, and while some of the shows in my list have moved around, this one has yet to be bumped down from the top (and I doubt it ever will). There’s a reason it became such a cult classic.

For starters, the animation. I mean, just look at Spike and the way they animate his fighting (yes I am aware that this gif is from the movie, but that still doesn’t change my point). The sequences in the show/film have been reused in many other shows and for good reason. It’s good, incredible, actually and they make him look so badass with just a few hand movements. I was consistently impressed with the way the fight scenes were portrayed and wasn’t ever left underwhelmed or disappointed (or, for that matter, feeling like they completely over exaggerated/overcompensated the scene with huge close-ups and tons of debris and lights). I loved watching this and my heart was always pounding with every intense interaction. I didn’t feel bored during any of the episodes and always found myself laughing when they cracked a joke—pretty much all of their funny lines hit and that’s saying something, dude.

The show, while having a lighthearted surface, has a heavy meaning that you don’t see at first glance. It’s about dealing with grief and loss, and how the characters themselves accomplished that in different ways. The most prominent quote is the biggest indication of its moral “you’re gonna carry that weight”. Basically: ‘You’ve gotta pick up your baggage, because the world moves on, with or without you’. Or ‘You’re going to carry that weight whether you like it or not, because life keeps going’. When I figured out the show’s actual message, while staring at my ceiling in the long hours of the night, I almost cried. This realization brought something entirely different to the table, a new understanding of the show’s characters and overall essence.

The main characters, all of them, had depth. They had real, palpable depth, and even if you didn’t want to care you found yourself seriously interested in their lives. Each of them had relatively shitty pasts. Faye with her lost memories, Spike with Julia and the people who fucked him over, Jet with his old flame and the ISSP, Ed and her/his father... throughout the entire show we got to see how all of them dealt with these things, whether they wanted to continue on with life or not. The way they portrayed it was engaging, because the characters individual, contrasting journeys weren’t repetitive or one note. The beauty that the show holds so achinging close to its core, the layers of grief that the characters are wrapped in so delicately is almost suffocatingly real—because they’re all different. It’s something you discover when you think on the subject in a deeper light, which is another reason why I enjoy it so much. It has both a surface story and a deeper one. You can either take the show at face value or choose to understand the underlying moral.

This show inspired my very first, thoroughly fleshed out OC, and continues to inspire me to this day. It has contributed to my own personal growth, and has helped push me to continue my art and writing. It is beautifully written, beautifully executed and even though some of the episodes seem like filler, it has never disappointed me. I rewatch it all the time because there’s something so infinitely refreshing about the beauty of this anime, whether it be the way we watch the characters develop or the overall moral it portrays. This show has given us a message that is essentially timeless, it can be ‘carried’ through generation after generation, and still have the same impact—something I absolutely fucking adore.

I owe so much to this anime, including my very own artistic development. I discovered it during a really shitty time in my life and I couldn’t have asked for better timing. I will never tire of the bittersweet message or the thoroughly fucking fantastic animation. Everyone who contributed to this masterpiece deserves love, because it’s seriously fucking gold.

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starlit-pathways · 3 years

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rules: tag people you would like to know/catch up with❤️

thank you so much @faeinthefog for tagging me, you have such incredible taste???? (as always) also, brb adding piranesi to my already-too-long tbr list

...speaking of lists that are far too long!! *cracks knuckles* let's get down to business!!!!

last song: excluding my many varied writing playlists, then probably eclipse by moonbyul or love poem by iu, including my writing playlists then this was my last listen

last movie: the prom. didn't personally vibe with it but i know it meant a lot to some (personally, i feel like a lot of what it was trying to do has already been done better by other films—like ek ladki ko dekha toh aisa laga). it had very pretty colours in it?? and i definitely wouldn't pass up the chance to play emma in an actual musical, but i feel like the story itself is too much of "aaaaand THIS is how the Gay Struggle™‬ applies to the average straight person!!!" which I don't even mind in a story that's done WELL (again, see ek ladki ko dekha toh aisa laga, or even one of my favourite books; the seven husbands of evelyn hugo) but i don't personally feel like it was done well enough here to pass it off

currently watching: oh no. a LOT. uhhhh okay let's try counting

1) godless—a miniseries on netflix which is v. good and very beautiful; essentially a story about fatherhood, masculinity and the loss/lack of it in a historical "wild west" type setting (it's a lot more diverse than it sounds. i promise.)

2) the fresh prince of bel-air—i shouldn't have to describe this one to many people lol, but it's basically a comedy about a quick-witted, very street-smart boy who goes to live with his very wealthy and privileged family in bel-air. it's very funny, and very heartwarming but i'm only a couple episodes in so far.

3) my mister—i'm only a few episodes into this drama myself but. damn. it's a show about two very broken, wearied people whose lives are falling apart in different ways (a very principled slightly older man, and a very... alternatively principled younger woman), who find each other and help each other heal. i've seen their relationship described as "everything but romantic", though the subject of romance and the nature of their relationship is questioned in the show and sometimes by the two characters

4) taskmaster—this one's just FUN, and also quite honestly pure chaos. i'm trading favourite shows with a friend, and damn if i'm not having a blast with this one. it's basically about a group of comedians who get given a set of tasks/challenges to do, to see who does them best—it has the exact same vibe of the joke "how many comedians does it take to change a lightbulb?". if nobody watches anything else of the show, i implore them to at LEAST watch this tree wizard clip. it's a masterpiece.

5) rick and morty—probably not my favourite type of show (monster of the week's not my usual style), but still good if you're it's intended audience. trading this with another friend, and i'm very much enjoying the experience of trash-talking all of the adult characters every episode with them.

6) mr. iglesias—this one's a very new addition. am also watching it with a friend. comedy about found family in a classroom full of underprivileged kids and the one teacher who really cares about them. i like it! i love marisol a lot as a character and mr. iglesias is very wholesome

re-watching:

7) the untamed—i'm going to be watching this show in some capacity for the rest of my life. i'm on my seventh watch by now and it never diminishes in quality. it's a truly epic introspective character exploration, about a quick-minded, entirely chaotic and very free-spirited man who dies and comes back in quite literally the opening moments of the show. you get to see his descent from being the world's envy to being the world's villain. it's a wonderful fantasy series about perception, the nature of morality, of family (born, raised and chosen) and about building a better world. did i mention that the main character is—as far as chinese censorship laws would allow—very bisexual and the story very heavily features a love story between him and another man? this was the edit that got me into it (it has spoilers but without context it won't make any sense anyway)

8) healer—what a drama. this is all about the power of information—how being informed and making information available can heal a nation that was built to be corrupt. starring a character who is basically a man who is a much poorer batman (kind of like a batman for hire?) with superman's love life (the show's got one of the best and most valid love triangles i've ever seen—and that's coming from somebody who typically HATES love triangles with a burning passion) and a woman who is feisty and strong-willed but not in an overbearing way? as well as amazing action, from somebody who normally can't stand action. i love the chemistry between the two romantic leads and just. i love the three leading characters, and a great deal of the periphery ones a lot. this show is absolutely incredible, would highly recommend

9) it's okay to not be okay/psycho but it's okay—a show that says neurodivergency and found family rights!!!! it's a very healing and introspective drama, but equally very intense/gripping/interesting? the chemistry between the two leads is astounding, and i just really love the amount of empathy this show has? it's truly stunning to watch and experience. starring an absolute badass of a woman, who acts almost entirely on impulse and communicates with the world through storytelling and fairytales, alongside a very kind and nurturing man who doesn't know how to communicate when he's miserable and an autistic man, who struggles deeply with his own fight for independence (i wasn't too sure on him at first, but he grows into just as much of an equally important character as the other two and i loved his arc).

currently reading: the earthsea quartet, by ursula le guin—i'm really loving it! it's probably not one of my favourites (yet), but she has such an interesting way of building up her world, and there's such a strong sense of compassion in every word she writes.

also i've recently found and fallen in love with this fic series. it's very nsfw and modern au's aren't usually my thing for historical (or even semi-historical) fiction/fantasy, but there's just something about sex worker!wei wuxian and translator!(and also secret fashion nerd!)lan wangji both being absolute disasters and also really cute and really repressed but also being neurodivergent and disabled characters (i'm SO here for autistic!lan wangji, traumatised!wei wuxian and chronically ill!yanli all being happy) and getting therapy that really appeals to me.

currently craving: crisps. always. of the salt and vinegar variety (this specific variety especially), of course, but there's never a day that passes when i'm not craving crisps

this was really fun!!! now for the worst part of this............ tagging. OKAY. so... please know that nobody is under any obligation to do, or even acknowledge, this—and also, if i missed you, you see this and you WANT to, then consider the act of seeing/hearing this a formal invitation

@ethereal-sserendipity @lillb5678 @genericfandomusername456 @mars-aria @ikatella @juliedohbigny @multiplequestionmarks @itiredwriter @myrim-anna-rose @gaysofmyheart

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