#mention of autistic raphael santiago

[normal-thoughts-official]

I NEED MORE AUTISTIC ALEC FICS AND HEADCANONS!! Like what do his meltdowns look like? Does he ever go nonverbal? Does he ever have very long nonverbal episodes? How do they communicate when he’s nonverbal? I need to knowwwww

unfortunately i don’t have any good autistic alec fics to rec (boy is this fandom full of terrible ableist shit) but i’ll take my crack at those dajsdodjasj

i think alec has shutdowns more often than he does meltdowns, because like, he was trained to repress his emotions and power through overload, you know? so he usually ends up shutting down rather than melting down. also, since he’s very self aware and has had to learn this to survive (cuz i can’t imagine shadowhunters would take kindly to someone having a meltdown) he’s good at realizing when he’s at the pre-meltdown phase. so usually during those he will go to training alone, or outside, or just generally find an excuse to leave. he’s become pretty good at making those up

he’s probably going to grab his weapons, because it helps him feel safe and a bit more in control, like he could somehow attack his own overload daodaoja and he kinda goes to the corner of the room and has his back to the wall, because he just becomes, like, very defensive you know? and when his senses go into overdrive that translates in his head as “danger” so the way for him is to isolate himself and prepare like he’s going to go for war. so he has his bow and quiver in hand and he’s looking around almost obsessively (which isn’t great, since you know, more stimuli) and he’s dead quiet and still like he might snap into action at any moment. like he tries to hold it all together so much that it just, compacts? i feel like he might also dissociate as a result, again because he’s used to just powering through and working even as it happens, so he just shuts down from the world completely

i also feel like they probably also commonly interlace with self harm which. again, not good! but it’s kind of a way to let it out, not just to “overpower the pain” as magnus put it, but quite literally like he’s bleeding the tension out. he just throws all the overwhelming feelings into his muscles and punches and just throws it out and around and tries to focus on that rather than on everything else

and yes, he totally goes nonverbal during those. i think this is one of the things that happened when he was at magnus’ and they had that talk about his self harm - he basically didn’t talk, he was just looking at his hands, you know? i think he could be nonverbal in that moment, but again he usually powers through to talk even as it drains every last ounce of energy out of him. i also feel like he might have gone to magnus’ not only for the obvious reason that it’s a safe place where he feels understood and happy, but also simply because it’s more toned down? like at the institute the lights are bright and the rooms are big and there’s people and noise. magnus’ loft (especially at night and on the rooftop like he was) was dark and quiet and calm, and so he could breathe a little and regain his surroundings, you know? magnus also gets sensory overload, especially with noise and touch, so he makes sure that his loft is free of noise/echo, that it’s not too convoluted that he has to keep touching things, everything is in Nice Textures, etc. his apothecary is also kinda dark and i think that’s why, not too much light, not too many distractions for when he’s working, less chance of getting overwhelmed when he’s already dealing with so many textures/smells/sounds/temperatures like when he’s brewing a potion, you know?

as for long nonverbal episodes - i don’t think he has long nonverbal episodes often, again because he’s used to powering through. like it might kill him to talk but he just- does it. because he’s expected to keep in position and to answer questions and basically just, keep going you know. but he often feels overwhelmed, and it’s one of the reasons he likes to listen more than he does talking. especially to magnus, because his voice is smooth and nice and has a cadence that just always feels natural? not exactly predictable but never brisk or shocking, and still interesting enough to distract him. plus, he likes to hear him talk. that’s it, really

but anyway! so he often feels like “oh god talking is so much right now”. tbh almost constantly, especially at work, because he has to deal with a lot of people and things and stress and there’s just. never a damn minute to recharge his batteries, you know? i mean he loves his job and he’s good at it, but it takes its toll on him

and so once he’s finally home he probably spends the, first few hours? quiet and retracted and dreading having to speak. but magnus doesn’t expect him to, and he also has his moments tbh, what with his flashbacks, his c-ptsd, and his adhd, sometimes everything is too much for him too and he doesn’t want to talk. i feel like magnus’ language in this case is more touches, both to keep himself grounded and to connect with other people, because while he doesn’t want to talk, he also doesn’t want to lose his anchor- it would be way too easy, honestly. and he wants to feel like other people are there, too. especially because otherwise he might have more flashbacks and his symptons might get worse, and it’s just- not good. so he likes to lay in alec’s lap, maybe play with his hands, stuff like this, when he’s nonverbal. it’s not so much that alec feels smothered, and he likes the closeness too, having good, light sensations to distract himself with and stuff

in regards to how they communicate when hes nonverbal: i think Magnus already has something of a system in place, because he's lived with Raphael, whom, i feel, has long nonverbal episodes more frequently. i mean Raphael is also used to powering through and speaking anyway, same as Alec, even if for different reasons, but it also just happens more often that hes overwhelmed and goes nonverbal. and Magnus notices, notices the way it pains him to speak, like hes trying to move through water, so he's like. you know, if you dont want to talk, there are other ways we can communicate. and raphael's never had anyone tell him that before (rosa always supported him when he was nonverbal and even spoke for him sometimes, and they had their own talking system, but hes never had anyone actually tell him "you know, it's alright" and he hadn't realized how much he needed it until he got it) so hes a bit overwhelmed and he just nods

i feel like both Raphael and Alec are still very communicative even when they go nonverbal, like- words are too much, but they still want to communicate and say stuff, you know? and i feel like Raphael likes to hum as a form of verbal stimming (kinda like Magnus) so they used that a lot - Magnus learnt Raphael's specific hums and what they meant pretty easily and if he didn't know he'd ask yes/no questions until Raphael got it. and it worked pretty well

idk if Alec is as into verbally stimming as Raphael, so maybe not humming, but his hands talk lmao. again, same as Magnus', he also loves stimming with his hands. so different movements can mean different things, almost like a sort of sign language, except specific to them and simpler, cuz like, dont wanna think about grammar and syntax and words and shit right now. but gesturing, pointing, twisting his hands - all of that works. and Magnus finds that he also likes talking with his hands (and humming) more than he thought once he started getting into it, so soon it's like they have their own secret language lmao they just get each other and their hand movements and what they mean and it's sweet :)

(i answered this one based on my own experiences as well as my brother’s, the knowledge i already had from following autistic activists for quite a few years now, as well as these sources which were written and created by autistic people. however, i’m not an expert, so if there’s anything inaccurate or offensive about how i’ve written it, please let me know)

[lamujerarana]

Ace/Aro Representation in Popular Media: A Reference Guide

NOVELS

THE GENTLEMAN’S GUIDE TO VICE AND VIRTUE AND THE LADY’S GUIDE TO PETTICOATS AND PIRACY BY MACKENZI LEE 

REPRESENTATION: Felicity Montague, a supporting character in the first book and the main character of the second, is openly aroace. There’s a lot of queer rep in these books apart from Felicity -- her brother, the main character of the first book, is bi, and there are also gay and lesbian characters.

PLOT: Felicity is a white, British teen girl who is dead set on becoming a doctor in the 1700s, despite opposition on all sides, both from her family and the misogynist men who control the medical establishment, and she is also busy navigating a world where her value as a person is equated with her ability to marry and have children, despite the fact that she has no desire to do either.

SAWKILL GIRLS BY CLAIRE LEGRAND  

REPRESENTATION: Zoey, one of the three main characters, is ace, black, and a teen girl. The other two protagonists, Marion and Val, are also openly queer. 

PLOT: Teen girls keep mysteriously vanishing without a trace from Sawkill Island and no one seems to be doing anything about it. Zoey, the daughter of the local sheriff, starts her own investigation after her best friend disappears. Not to spoil too much, but the plot involves monsters, a terrible curse, and magic.

EVERY HEART A DOORWAY BY SEANAN MCGUIRE

REPRESENTATION: The main character, Nancy, is an ace white girl. The Wayward Children series as a whole has tons of queer rep, including trans and lesbian characters. The author, Seanan McGuire, is demisexual and biromantic.

PLOT: Nancy fell through a doorway into a magical world, but now she’s back home, and she is having difficulty adjusting. Her parents send her to a boarding school for children who have had similar experiences, but then someone begins murdering Nancy’s classmates in grisly ways.

PROTECTOR OF THE SMALL SERIES BY TAMORA PIERCE

REPRESENTATION: The main character, Keladry of Mindelan, is an aro white girl.

PLOT: The series follows the struggles and adventures of Keladry, one of the first women to be allowed to train to be a knight, beginning when she is ten years old.

THE CIRCLE OF MAGIC SERIES BY TAMORA PIERCE

REPRESENTATION: Sandry, one of the main characters, is an ace white girl. There’s other queer rep in this series -- Daja is a black lesbian.

PLOT: Follows the adventures of four young mages, as they learn how to use and control their powers.

THE SHADOWHUNTER CHRONICLES BY CASSANDRA CLARE

REPRESENTATION: One of the supporting characters, Raphael Santiago, is an aroace Mexican vampire. The most explicit discussion of Raphael’s aroaceness happens in the short story “Son of the Dawn” in the upcoming Ghosts of the Shadow Market anthology (he specifically mentions being completely uninterested in romance) and in the novel The Red Scrolls of Magic, where he describes his sexual orientation as “not interested.”

PLOT: When fifteen-year-old Clary Fray heads out to the Pandemonium Club in New York City, she hardly expects to witness a murder — much less a murder committed by three teenagers covered with strange tattoos and brandishing bizarre weapons. Clary knows she should call the police, but it’s hard to explain a murder when the body disappears into thin air and the murderers are invisible to everyone but Clary. Equally startled by her ability to see them, the murderers explain themselves as Shadowhunters: a secret tribe of warriors dedicated to ridding the earth of demons. Within twenty-four hours, Clary’s mother disappears and Clary herself is almost killed by a grotesque demon.But why would demons be interested in ordinary mundanes like Clary and her mother? And how did Clary suddenly get the Sight? The Shadowhunters would like to know….

TASH HEARTS TOLSTOY BY KATHRYN ORMSBEE

REPRESENTATION: The main character, Tash, is an alloromantic ace woman.

PLOT: An ace coming-of-age story. Tash’s web series, based on Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, becomes unexpectedly popular, and she must navigate her newfound fame and the difficulties of her crush on a fellow YouTuber. 

LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE BY CLAIRE KANN

REPRESENTATION: Alice, the main character, is bi, ace, black, and a woman. 

PLOT: Alice’s girlfriend dumps her (because she finds out Alice is ace) right before summer break, and she decides that she’s through with dating...until she meets a boy named Takumi.

COMIC BOOKS

RAVEN: THE PIRATE PRINCESS BY JEREMY WHITLEY

REPRESENTATION: Jayla Cooke, a secondary character, is a black, autistic, aroace woman. Nearly every character in this series is openly queer.

PLOT: Raven Xingtao, pirate princess, cobbles together a pirate crew composed entirely of women in order to gain revenge against her brothers, who stole her inheritance away from her.

JUGHEAD BY CHIP ZDARSKY

REPRESENTATION: This is the series that establishes that Jughead Jones is aroace.

PLOT: Riverdale High provides a quality education and quality hot lunches, but when one of those is tampered with, Jughead Jones swears vengeance! 

THE MOVEMENT BY GAIL SIMONE

REPRESENTATION: Roshanna Chatterji, one of the main characters, is a canonically ace Indian-American woman (I suspect she’s aro as well, but that’s not explicitly confirmed).

PLOT: The young heroes of The Movement rise up to take back the dirty streets of Coral City. But when one of their own is captured by the police, it’s Coral City’s finest against the citizens they have neglected to protect.

TELEVISION

SHADOWHUNTERS

REPRESENTATION: One of the supporting characters, Raphael Santiago, is an ace Mexican vampire.

PLOT: Based on Cassandra Clare's bestselling young adult fantasy book series, "The Mortal Instruments," Shadowhunters follows a group of human-angel hybrids who fight to protect their world by hunting down demons. With warlocks, vampires, werewolves, and ominous threats at every turn, the Shadowhunters must lean on each other and their abilities to keep the darkness at bay.

SIRENS

REPRESENTATION: Voodoo, one of the secondary characters, is a white asexual woman. 

PLOT: The series follows the work lives of three Chicago EMT paramedics with the Eminent Ambulance Company and the unusual—often crude or humorous—situations and people in need of their assistance.

BOJACK HORSEMAN

REPRESENTATION: Todd Chavez, one of the supporting characters, is an asexual Latino man.

PLOT: BoJack Horseman, the washed-up star of the 1990s sitcom Horsin' Around, plans his big return to celebrity relevance with a tell-all autobiography to be written by his ghostwriter Diane Nguyen. BoJack also has to contend with the demands of his agent and on-again-off-again girlfriend Princess Carolyn, the misguided antics of his freeloading roommate Todd Chavez, and his friend and rival Mr. Peanutbutter.

If anyone knows of any others, please share! 

[shadowhunterspolycule]

Tag list

Regarding characters: all characters will be tagged as their full names. The exception to this is Meliorn, who does not have a last name, and therefore will only be tagged “meliorn”

Regarding relationships: Romantic relationships will be tagged as their own names. The possible romantic relationships within the polycule are: saphael (simon x raphael), raphaeliorn (raphael x meliorn), maiaphael (maia x raphael), saia (simon x maia), melia (meliorn x maia), siliorn (simon x meliorn), isabeliorn (izzy x meliorn), clizzy (clary x izzy), claia (clary x maia), maiabelle (maia x izzy), saiaphael (simon x maia x raphael), saphaeliorn (simon x raphael x meliorn), maiaphaeliorn (maia x raphael x meliorn), saialiorn (simon x maia x meliorn), claiabelle (clary x maia x izzy), saiaphaeliorn (simon x maia x raphael x meliorn), and shadowhunters polycule (the whole mess at once). Posts that feature two ships with the same character but are not in a three-way dynamic (for example, clizzy and isabeliorn) will simply be tagged as both ships. Platonic ships will be tagged as Character A & Character B, with characters sorted by alphabetical order

Regarding content: Explicit stuff will be tagged “smut”, explicit stuff that mentions trans people’s bodies/genitals will be tagged “trans character smut”, explicit images will be tagged “image smut”. Potentially triggering topics will be tagged as “(content) tw” and you can ask for any tw to be added. Otherwise, general tags as found on ao3 will be used to sort content (such as “fluff”, “crack”, “humor”, “hurt/comfort”, “angst” and others)

Regarding type of post: fanfics will be tagged “fic”, fanart will be tagged “art”, memes will be tagged “meme”, headcanons will be tagged “headcanon”. Gifsets will be tagged “gifset”, text posts “text”, image posts “image” and so on. 

Regarding headcanons: if you wish to search for posts that include a specific headcanon, they will be tagged “(characteristic) character”. For example: “autistic maia roberts”, “trans raphael santiago”, “nonbinary meliorn”, “lesbian clary fray”, and so on. “Asexual raphael santiago” is canon, not headcanon, but will also be its own tag for people who want to find posts that specifically go into that, although raphael is always asexual and sex-repulsed in every single post written in this blog, whether it mentions it explicitly or not. The same applies to Simon’s jewishness, which will also be a tag

[ao3feed-malec]

Morning News

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3bArNk8

by tothetrashwhereibelong

Raphael and Magnus make it a tradition to have breakfast together on wednesdays.

It's Raphael's preferred time to tell Magnus about his love life.

Words: 8298, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Shadowhunters (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M, M/M, Multi, Other

Characters: Raphael Santiago, Magnus Bane, Meliorn (mentioned), SImon Lewis (mentioned), Maia Roberts (mentioned), Madzie Loss (Mentioned)

Relationships: Magnus Bane & Raphael Santiago, Meliorn/Raphael Santiago, Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago, Maia Roberts/Raphael Santiago, Simon Lewis/Meliorn/Maia Roberts/Raphael Santiago, Isabelle Lightwood/Meliorn (mentioned briefly), Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood (mentioned), Raphael Santiago & Madzie Loss

Additional Tags: polyamori - Freeform, Open Relationships, Found Family, Fluff, Platonic Relationships, Magnus is endlessly proud and happy for Raphael, i throw in references on monogamy history and colonization because that's what i do, unwavering acceptance, Asexual Raphael Santiago, AS ALL tHINGS SHOULD BE, yall wont believe this but this one is actually happy, Daylighter Raphael Santiago, legit almost forgot to tag malec lmao, hints at Immortal Alec Lightwood as a treat, Genius Madzie Loss, Nonbinary Meliorn (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Meliorn uses they/them, Clan Leader Raphael Santiago, Alpha Maia Roberts, Autistic Raphael Santiago

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3bArNk8

[purple-haired-faerie]

Representation in TSC: updated list.

So I did this a while ago but missed things off and made a couple of mistakes. If I have made a mistake or missed someone out, please let me know! Also this is based off the information I have at this time.

POC:

Jem Carstairs (half Chinese)

Cordelia Carstairs (half Persian)

Alistair Carstairs (half Persian)

Sonia Carstairs (Persian)

Diana Wrayburn (black)

Catarina Loss (black when glamoured)

Magnus Bane (born to a half-dutch, half Indonesian mother)

Maia Roberts (mixed race; black parent)

Lily Chen (Chinese)

Raphael Santiago (Mexican)

Manual Villalobos (Spanish)

Rafael Lightwood-Bane (Argentinian)

Cristina Rosales (Mexican)

Diego Rosales (Mexican)

Jaime Rosales (Mexican)

Aline Penhallow (half Chinese)

Jia Penhallow (Chinese)

Ariandne Bridgestock (Indian)

Divya Joshi (centurion) (Indian)

LGBTQ:

Alec Lightwood (Gay)

Magnus Bane (Bisexual)

Aline Penhallow (Lesbian)

Helen Blackthorn (Bisexual)

Mark Blackthorn (Bisexual; suspected Polygamous)

Kieran Hunter (Bisexual; suspected Polygamous)

Cristina Rosales (suspected Polygamous)

Michael Wayland (Bisexual)

Ty Blackthorn (suspected gay)

Kit Herondale (suspected Bisexual or pansexual)

Jules Blackthorn (Demi sexual)

Diana Wrayburn (Transgender)

Gwyn AP Nudd (Bisexual)

Ariandne Bridgestock (lesbian)

Anna Lightwood (non-binary lesbian)

Literally all Faeries (bisexual)

Raphael Santiago (asexual Aromantic)

Lily Chen (pansexual)

Woosley Scott (gay)

Disabled:

Henry Branwell (uses a wheelchair following an injury)

Ty Blackthorn (autistic)

Jem Carstairs (addiction to yin fen...if this counts)

Plus sized:

Dru Blackthorn

Maia Roberts

Religious:

Simon Lewis (Jewish)

Raphael Santiago (Catholic)

Lily Chen (Buddhist)

Mental health:

Jace Herondale (CPTSD, OCD and depression with suicidal tendencies)

Blackthorn's and Emma (and no doubt a lot of Shadowhunters) (PTSD)

Will Herondale (PTSD and depression with suicidal tendencies)

James Herondale (Depression with suicidal tendencies)

Arthur Blackthorn (faerie induced madness and hallucinations. Maybe PTSD/Schizophrenia?)

Adopted:

Jace Herondale to the Lightwoods

Max to the Lightwood Banes

Rafael to the Lightwood Banes

Ariandne to Inquisitor Bridgestock

"Other"

Jules Blackthorn and to an extent Emma Carstairs being young carer's

Jonny Rook as a single parent

Mayrse and Robert being divorcees

Not to mention the sheer number of orphans in this series.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Autistic Magnus headcanons

ok so i got this big submission on autistic magnus which i absolutely love and i ended up breaking it down into parts so i would remember to address it all so uh, here we go. this is long lmao

submission made by @hasenfu

oof this got long lol

before i forget: i always saw Magnus as autistic. (or rather there was a post how Alec is obv autistic but Magnus could be, too?? address that?!?!) so i thought about it and… i guess he’s had longer to adapt and do smaller fidgets, unnoticeable, more healthy -if he allows himself to do such- and other things idk. i took a break of the show+fandom shortly after and never came back to the thought much.

it was mostly being hyposensitive to pressure, which is why he has those tight vests or flowy shirts with heavy necklaces and his array of rings. (definitely a hug person and should own a weighted blanket)

but also, opposed to this, being hypersensitive to touch, so all his shirts and his bedsheets are silk. (weighted blanket can go on top or be a spell)

that truly makes so much sense to me tbh like i’ve always envisioned magnus that way as well, especially the hyposensitive to pressure part. especially considering that at the point of show canon he’s so touch starved? like he’s been keeping away from most people and kinda trying to hide and i think that only added to that. i definitely agree with what you said about the vests/corsets:

you might have a full inbox once this is done lol # idk who figured this out first but one of Magnus/Raphael found out about vests, maybe Magnus wore corsets first (yes even as cis/amab demiman/gnc cis man, people wore corsets because fashion) and then opted for vests. or Raphael wore them first because Business Man and Important Stuff and told Magnus to stop wearing flowy shit with a million necklaces and just wear tight clothing like Proper Human Beings. amazing word count is full again.

(also don’t worry i’m well aware that cis men used to wear corsets lmao i even have an old post about it lying somewhere. not that i envision magnus as a cis man but anyway) and also want to add: tight pants. like the pants he wears are always slim fit and i think that has a lot to do with that too? just feeling grounded by the pressure, like he’s more steady in his steps. especially when he’s wearing the silky shirts and etc because those have barely any pressure (esp the open shirts and stuff. i mean obviously like you said the necklaces help make up for that, but like. it’s not enough imho) 

but also just like, nothing is as good as the good olde hugs tbh. i mean obviously the clothes are good and help him function and not have meltdowns or feel overwhelmed (because he’s had a lot of time to prevent having meltdowns, and tbh probably uses unhealthy tactics to avoid that) and he isn’t comfortable with just anyone touching him (we know that very well. also invasion of space not safe invasion of space not safe invasion of space not safe-) but the people he trusts? somehow they always feel right

i love magnus and the immortal squad being into cuddle piles, particularly magnus&raphael (who’s also hyposensitive to pressure, plus he’s a latino immigrant so he’s used to quite a lot of casual touching, but once he got to the US that was suddenly Not Allowed anymore and god that must have fucked him up so much, the cultural shock mixed in with the hyposensitivity and then he lost his whole support network on top of that. like he feels absolutely smothered by the lack of pressure all the time and it makes his skin prickle and he wants to just. scratch it off just to get some relief from the constant feeling of deprivation. and magnus of course feels a similar way, since from what i looked up quickly indonesian people are also used to overcrowded spaces and casual touching, plus again, touch starved) 

like they’re both. kind of just functioning with this constant feeling of emptiness all around them, and they can’t really afford to be as touchy as they’d like because they’d be looked down on because of that, especially as downworlders, moc, etc. but when they’re in magnus’ loft and they’re alone? cuddling all the time. constant cuddling. not a single second goes by cuddleless. legs entangled, weight blanket over them, they might switch positions a lot because they might get fidgety - especially magnus, i feel like he needs to stim and etc a lot more than Raphael does - so at one second they’re lying down, the next they’re sitting, raphael is on top of magnus, magnus is on top of raphael, they’re side by side, only their legs are intertwined, raphael is lying across magnus….. it just keeps going and after like years of doing this they just do it effortlessly? 

one of my exes called this “dynamic cuddling” cuz yeah he was a huge cuddler but also kinda fidgety and so was i and most of his other partners (i Cannot lie in the same position for a long time which is why im usually not big on cuddling, and also prefer to be the big spoon) and i definitely see it for them. just, every time one of them (again, usually magnus) moves the other moves along and they’re just adjusting to a new position together, instead of the awkward “person A starts to move so person B waits and then they do a little adjustment afterwards” thing. ragnor in particular is appalled (especially since you know, british, so used to No casual touching whatsoever, also he clearly gets overwhelmed easily considering how isolated he lives, oh look at me casually throwing in autistic ragnor lmao i need to calm tf down) at how easily they do it but that’s just years of practice, knowing each other very well, and having very similar sensory issues for you

the one downside is that since they’re too similar they both want to like, be the little spoon diahdsiah so that’s why weighted blanket is a must, even if obviously they switch - magnus is perfect for raphael because he’s bigger and taller so he can envelop him pretty easily and cover like His Whole Back and just really crowd him in the best possible way? obviously that means that raphael being small is not as good for magnus but he can be in like fetal position and hug his knees and have raphael spoon him that way, and there’s the added Compression (?) of that. plus raphael always runs his hands over magnus’ arms particularly and that adds to the good pressure and feeling. he also definitely likes playing with magnus’ hair, which magnus is delighted by (btw it’s a huge sign of closeness in indonesian culture). the scalp is sensitive, okay. it’s perfect

with alec it’s perfect for magnus because i see alec as the opposite, he does not like a lot of pressure and particularly having things on his back (he needs to be able to Move) so he likes being the big spoon. also he’s one of the few ppl who’s taller than magnus and can envelop him perfectly, just like magnus does raphael 

also going briefly back to the vests thing, i really like the idea that it was raphael’s suggestion for some reason? i mean i kind of hc that magnus has had a huge influence on raphael’s style, but i also like it as the other way around. i especially like raphael helping magnus out with Autistic Problems™ because like you said magnus has had a lot of time to learn how to cope and hide his traits in order to be taken seriously, but he’s definitely foregone his own comfort in that proccess, and probably has a few coping mechanisms that aren’t really healthy. whereas raphael has a different perspective and grew up with a supportive family when it comes to that (i particularly hc rosa as being a great support in that sense, not letting anyone give him shit, giving him hugs when he needed, keeping people away when he didn’t want to be touched, speaking for him when he went nonverbal, etc) so he has a lot of better mechanisms. and i really dig him teaching those to magnus and helping him find better alternatives. like magnus knows about vests, has used corsets in that way before, why tf didn’t he think of that? because he’s used to ignoring his own needs :) but raphael helps him find good vests that make him feel, like, perfectly hugged and grounded and it’s Very Good. they probably share a lot during the time when raphael lives with him, since magnus can just magically adjust them anyway

plus other things such as not caring if magnus stims, and whatnot

i also think that he sometimes uses magic to handle the hyposensitivity problem, cause i mean, why not? especially when he’s in the flowy open shirts and whatnot, cuz again, like, the necklaces are good and they help a lot but they are Not Good Enough. but magic can make him feel more pressure and help him out with that, he can spell himself to have this kind of… constriction? that he likes. plus his magic kind of takes care of him on its own so i can definitely see it like, enhancing his sensitivity when he needs it, running over his arms and torso to keep him grounded, and whatnot. very useful, especially because he can do that unnoticed

that’s only what i had to say on hyposensitivity to pressure dear lord someone help me daiojdsoadjasodjadijaidoaj 

onto hypersensitivity to textures! again strongly agree. i kind of headcanon that all of magnus’ clothes are lined with silk underneath because they always look just a little stuffy when they aren’t silky and again it’s clearly his favorite texture - for his sheets, his shirts, just everything he can is silky. i know he can probably magick them up but i like to think he has a tailor tbh, maybe some other old warlock who never really wanted to give up that work? idk it sounds more authentic and even connected to his roots this way so i like to headcanon that. anyway yeah silk everywhere and all the way. pretty much every other texture other than that and the People He Likes is kinda overwhelming for him, imo. which can be a Huge Problem and is probably connected to why he hates people he doesn’t like getting into his personal space - he’s perfected the personal space distancing so he’s kept away from the Bad Textures and anyone getting into it uninvited is definitely unwelcome and perceived as a threat to his safety and wellbeing - and effectively is

same goes for jewelry, like, he pretty much only wears silver stuff? i think it’s his preferred texture as well, which is why we don’t see him wearing a lot of different things. that might also be related to the thing you said about colors:

maybe being hypersensitive to colours/visual influence but this might be a jab at smol book!magnus with his neon leggings and crop tops. but all his surroundings are either dark: dark red, dark blue, or black, or medium brown (wood) or smallll golden accents. nothing harsh.

like golden can be too much visually and non-metal textures aren’t really welcome. this is also related to the pressure thing - metal is great for weight, whereas every other accessory material is Not - but texture also plays a good part

(also ur so valid for wanting to jab @ book magnus tbh lmao i don’t acknowledge that bitch)

but i could see him hyperfocusing on translations. oof idk i haven’t interacted with canon in months or maybe years. i’ve mostly thought about his stims. like also the scratching on paper, his tai chi exercises, making/drinking tea, brewing potions.

i also dig that? i think most of what we’ve seen in Genius Magnus Bane is related to that in some capacity - being his hyperfocus/hyperfixation/special interest. like the portal thing? definitely a result of him hyperfixating. and he just goes on and on, which is why he isn’t particularly known for like, One Area He Expertises On (okay i do realize this is more ADHD than autism but look he’s been alive for centuries okay his special interests are gonna pile up) but rather a lot of very specific things that he knows a lot about and that end up broaching a thousand different and wildly unrelated topics

and whenever he’s working on a magical thing, it’s just- hyperfocus all the way, baby. sometimes when he needs a distraction or is feeling overwhelmed he just goes straight to brewing because it’s guaranteed hyperfocus and like, silence in his head, you know? and he can just get away from whatever’s overwhelming/upsetting him for a while. not always healthy to do, but. still a thing that he does. translating, brewing potions, summoning things, even tracking - it immediately takes his undivided attention and suddenly he looks up and realizes that ah yes, he is in a place and has surroundings, and has a name lmao. even if it’s something like tracking which is really quick, while he’s at it he doesn’t think about absolutely anything else. then he kind of has to blink after a few seconds and remember why he was doing it in the first place lmao

this is probably deeply intertwined with his magic - like it is related to how he interacts and perceives the world, so when he’s using it, he’s effectively channeling all of his attention into one of his senses, and directing it to a single specific purpose. it’s like inhaling deeply. everything else shuts down and he’s just focused and directed into this action, and then that mixes up with autism/ADHD and you’ve got guaranteed hyperfocus. it can be both good and bad, but it’s definitely grounding and something that helps him cope with a lot of things - like, sensorial overload? just feeling overwhelmed in general? too angry or tired? needing a distraction. magic time! even if it’s just making a small ball of light, it definitely helps him focus a lot

which of course leads up to stimming! which you already mentioned up there and also in here

(obv he stimmt with his rings and ear piece thingy all the time because it cool. i don’t think he’d disturb the necklaces because they make up for not wearing a vest so playing with them would do not enough good to make up for the loss of pressure)

again completely agree with the necklace thing, he’s never really seen playing with those, but the earpieces/earlobes/rings? hoo boy. all the damn time, definitely a good way to stim. plus yeah, magic like i just said, but not only in the sense of hyperfocusing on purpose, but also that he just stims magically? like keeps making sparks with his fingers, or making and reshaping a ball like we’ve seen him do in that scene where him and alec fight in s2, some light hand twisting that comes mostly in the form of an almost imperceptible rub of his fingers together, did i mention random sparks? or just having like, invisible tendons of magic running over his arms, focusing on how they feel and making them keep twisting over him like a snake or something? dadiahias idk if i can describe that very well but you know what i mean, it’s just wrapped around his arm and moving and he’s stimming that way, focusing on its motions (plus again good pressure!) and whatnot

i also think he clicks his tongue to make up for rarely ever verbally stimming, but sometimes he can verbally stim with like specific spells that feel good on the tongue when he’s alone - it takes him centuries to ever allow himself to do that one in front of anyone, even if it’s pretty innocuous

I’m very interested in reading more on your posts and how Magnus is ADHD in things that don’t overlap with either ASD or (c-?)PTSD!

doijadoadsoaj and now that i’ve written this huge ass disconnected manifesto on a bunch of shit i realize that that was your question all along. great great great. this is fine

if you’re interested in ADHD magnus as a whole i definitely recommend reading @thesorrowoflizards‘s fantastic ADHD Magnus Manifesto which already features a lot of my headcanons anyway daoisjdaojdsaoi also i have both an adhd magnus tag and a general meta as well as a magnus meta tag (shut up i like keeping things organized okay) so you can read more stuff ive written on/that includes the subject if you want. but anyway! let me scramble up some particular headcanons out of my little peanut brain

ok i guess i can start with what i said about him having like, a lot of expertise on a bunch of unrelated topics that ends up on him having a curriculum that’s like. invented the portal, fluent in 14th century albanian, specialist in rattlesnake venom, healing magic, and endocrinology, knows how to build one (1) highly specific model of plane, PHD in the javanese herbal flora and a master’s in wormholes… and it just keeps going lmao 

i kind of envision magnus having the type of adhd where his hyperfixations last a long time and are usually related to like, Solving A Problem or Figuring Out Something - take the portal for example. he set his mind to it, right, he wants to create teleportion! and he’s gonna hyperfocus on that and learn everything there is to learn until he figures out how to do that, and then he blinks and 10 years have passed and he’s just, like, been doing that. but now that it’s done, great! onto the next topic! and it begins again daoids

i mean over time he probably got better at managing hyperfixations and still like functioning, especially because you know, as high warlock he can’t go around getting distracted and immersed in whatever the fuck he finds fitting, but that’s definitely his natural state, so to speak. he’s naturaly curious and he likes to create and alter the world around him, so he’s drawn to sciences and inventions, but pretty much everything inside that is fair game. also languages! they are useful, especially but not just for a warlock, and uncover so much about a culture and their worldview. i can definitely see him hyperfixating on translations and languages and getting absolutely immersed in those, not stopping studying until he’s absolutely fluent, even if only in a specific dialect from a specific time lmao. it’s not like it’s a problem because as a warlock he reads a lot of ancient texts. and understanding the language means understanding the exact workings of whatever spell he’s using, so again, very useful! 

also like, this is 100% projection, but jesus, time blindness. like i’m time blind as all fuck i’m the time blindest bitch i know it’s incredible, and i hc magnus as having a huge problem with that. and as an immortal, it only gets trickier. was this yesterday? was it in the 18th century? who knows! certainly not him. and after a while of immortality your notion of time is bound to get thwarped, in the same way that a year seemed like a long time when i was a kid and seems like nothing to current me - the more you live, the shorter any length of time seems to last. so he’s going to be like “this was two weeks ago” when in reality it was in the 30s. it might get him some pretty bad shocks, too, like for instance when one of his cats dies of old age - they already live so little, and the more time passes, the less that seems to be to magnus. and he might even feel guilty over that, like, i didn’t even enjoy that cat’s life, it felt to me like i found them yesterday, and now they’re gone, what kind of person am i 

that’s not true of course, he’s always taken care of his cats wonderfully, but it might feel that way for him sometimes, feel like he barely registered they were there and it all passed so quickly even if that’s not really what happened 

and sometimes panicking, like, how long has it been since i met (mortal)? are they close to dying? how much time do we have? how long did i spend worrying about the portal instead of being with them? and just spiralling into anxiety because he can’t trust his own perception of time and it’s like, suddenly, he doesn’t know

not gonna think about magnus waking up in the middle of the night before alec becomes immortal worried that it’s been longer than he thinks, that he thinks it’s been a few years but it’s actually been decades, and what if he turns around and finds that alec is greying and dying and he’s going to lose him without even noticing? is this going to slip through his fingers before he notices, because magnus will never forgive himself if it does. haha yeah definitely not gonna think about that, nope. i’m fine

but also just stupider things with time blindness, like being like “oh wow, did that restaurant i liked close? has it really been this long since i’ve last been here?” “hm. it says here that this has been a residential building for the last 30 years.” “has it???” 

getting centuries mixed up, even if he has very obvious cues to figure out where something took place (like clothing and whatnot) but sometimes he doesn’t think of doing that and just spits out however long it feels like it has been (because like idk about other people but for me time blindness comes with a very clear sense of certainty? like i’ll be like i am absolutely, completely sure that this was a week ago. but then i look and it was two months ago or last year or when i was a kid) and it’s just wildly wrong

over time he learns to always do actual calculations in his head instead of trusting his gut so as to avoid embarrassment and even scorn - oh look i’m making myself sad again god damn it - and he becomes very quick at calculating and figuring it out from cues, like “ah this clothing is from the victorian era, this material wasn’t invented before (x year), i met this person on that year…. so it’s year x”. he kind of has annotations on that so he can keep up. he doesn’t know the years and dates because of his own memories, but from like, a history-studying standpoint lmao it’s a little wack but he manages

every once in a while tho, especially when he’s with alec or his friends, he slips up, and it’s funny. especially because alec has like. an annoyingly good memory, especially with dates, so he can say the exact date that they had a specific conversation without even thinking. so magnus will be like “alexander remember last week when you made me soto ayam?” and alec will give him that shit eating grin and be like “the last time i made you soto ayam was 3 months and 12 days ago” and magnus is just like UGGGHHH and alec makes fun of him for it lmao 

but hey at least they can make up for each other’s weaknesses when it comes to that duahsda but it’s frustrating because it’s one thing that alec is effortlessly good at while magnus is very bad at, and there aren’t a lot of these - especially since magnus has had so much time and so many interests, he’s way more likely to know his way and be good with something than alec, who’s been raised in a military society where interests of any kind weren’t welcome. so it’s frustrating and by god is alec smug about it

and okay i think that’s big enough for now doaijdsaodaj i apologize for the huge incoherent ramble and also for taking so long to reply, i’m just Like This. i hope you liked my answer anyway doauhdaihdsa and thank you again for this wonderful submission, few things make me happier than getting lengthy headcanons shared with me :) 

[normal-thoughts-official]

Thawing From the Middle

Raphael Santiago didn’t like to define himself by his hatreds, but this, he had to admit - he fucking hated the cold.

Good thing Maia’s so warm - and he can be, too, when she needs it.

Read it on ao3

Relationships: Maia Roberts/Raphael Santiago, Maia Roberts/Raphael Santiago/Simon Lewis/Meliorn (mentioned)

Characters: Raphael Santiago, Maia Roberts

Rated: T

Additional Tags: Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Polyamory, Daylighter Raphael Santiago, Past Abuse, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Autistic Raphael Santiago (implied/referenced), Abuse survivor Maia Roberts, Pack leader Maia Roberts

Raphael doesn’t like to think of himself as a man defined by his hatreds, even if he knows some people can think of no other traits to define him.

(Only if they don’t know you at all, he can hear Meliorn’s voice saying in his head.

We all know he’s a softie at heart, Simon and Maia had agreed.

The memory makes him smile.)

But this, he has to admit - he fucking hates the cold. It’s as much a part of himself as his own name.

It was the thing he had immediately despised about New York, as soon as he set foot there. In New York, 20°C - sorry, 70°F - was warm. Summer was so short it was less of a station and more a fluke. There was snow.

It was nothing like Guadalajara.

Guadalajara was burning, and loud, and colorful, in all of the best ways. It was hot, and the food was spicy, and midday was filled with the smell of the meals of the whole neighborhood.

New York was cold, like a sensory deprivation chamber. He felt trapped, and numb, and alone. The first few weeks there felt more like death than when he actually died.

And when he did die, well - cold was less of a state and more of a constant, for him.

He’d leave his clothes out on the Dumort roof, during the day, while he slept. They were all black, so they could keep the heat as much as possible; even the few red or green pieces had black cloth underneath, courtesy of Magnus’ tailor.

It did very little to help.

Besides, that’s another thing he’d always hated about the cold - having to wrap himself all around, being barely able to move, the textures all wrong and painful and keeping him sealed from the world, this depriving kind of too much.

It might be why becoming a Daylighter had been such a blessing for him - if he’d never had proof that God was by his side before, this one he couldn’t deny. Being able to feel the sun on his face again - to really feel warm - after almost a century… He could cry just from the pure sense he got that he wasn’t hated, wasn’t renegated, hadn’t been abandoned.

It might also be why he hasn’t taken a jacket with him, today. But that one he has to regret a little bit.

Even under Maia’s very generous pile of blankets, he is shivering. It’s not like they could do much for him, anyway; he has no heat for them to keep.

In his defense, it was warm when he left. And he works in a kitchen, so it’s always a bit too hot in there.

Your job isn’t just cooking and you know it, he can hear Maia say just like she did as she slapped him lightly with a towel, as the both of them finished closing Taki’s for the day. Just bring a jacket with you, she had finished, the annoyance leaving her tone in a single huff, making room for worry - and the painful kind of understanding that made him avert his eyes from her big, beautiful ones.

“Stop looking so miserable, you’re under, like, 10 blankets right now,” Maia says, laughing, in that way that lights her up until even he feels a little warmer.

“Doesn’t help a lot when there’s barely any warmth for them to keep,” he answers.

“You know, I’ve always admired the way you can mumble full sentences like that,” she answers, that same smile still shining in her eyes, and he swears that he can see it even on the little bounce of her hair as she finishes taking off her pants. She’s so lively, every little part of her body bursts with it.

“I didn’t mumble,” he mumbles, flopping his face down on the pillows.

“Sure,” she says easily, in a way that’d be more frustrating than some witty argument, but he can’t even complain because she finally turns off the light and lifts the covers to lay alongside him.

“Jesus Christ, you really are freezing,” is what she says as soon as her body even lightly touches his.

“Sorry,” he answers automatically, trying to keep his distance so he doesn’t freeze her.

“Don’t apologize, it’s fine,” she says, easily, like her skin didn’t break out in goosebumps the second it touched his.

Raphael huffs. “I promise I’ll bring a jacket next time,” he says, sitting up so he can rub his own arms in the hopes he can get some heat. “I’ll just-”

Maia sighs. “I get it, you know,” she says, honestly. “One time I almost froze up because-” she bites her lip.

Raphael turns to her, immediately, a weird sense of protectiveness overtaking him even as he knows she’s fine. “Because of what?” he asks, holding himself back from touching her with his icy hands.

“Because I didn’t want to Turn,” she says, not looking at him. She has one finger playing with one of her curls, twisting around like it’s cuddling with it. Her voice sounds the kind of soft that makes you feel hollow. “The wolf form is very warm, you know. Fur and all that. Way warmer than human,” she says. Then she turns to look at him, the force of her eyes always taking him by surprise for a second, so honest and so deep, “did you ever see me Turn, back when Luke was the Alpha?” she asks quietly.

“I think so,” he says. Him and Maia weren’t particularly close, at the time; never truly were until he had started dating Meliorn, and Simon, and helping her out at Taki’s, until suddenly she felt almost as much a part of her life as the place itself. He fights to bring the memory back, “it was like… you were breaking out of your body,” he says.

It’s true, too. Most werewolf transformations were smooth, almost instant. Maia’s was long, her whole body snapping and twisting like her body was fighting itself. It was painful to watch, and felt even more painful to remember, now.

“It felt like that, too,” she admits. “It hurt a lot. I felt like I was always fighting it. Even when I decided to Turn… It’s like a part of me didn’t want to acknowledge what was happening,” she admits.

Sometimes he forgets that Maia felt like a monster, too. He never got it. Sure, she was a werewolf, but that didn’t matter, in the same way that becoming a vampire never made Simon any less human. It wasn’t really about - the condition.

She nods like she knows what he’s thinking, and takes his hand to plant a kiss on it. It’s ridiculous, but it makes him feel a little less cold. “I didn’t feel like I was in control,” she admits, quietly. “Every time I Turned, I felt like it was being forced. Like it was proof that I still… Belonged to Jordan,” she finishes, quietly.

Raphael hisses, and he doesn’t even mind it. Jordan will always bring out the worst kind of hatred in his heart, pretty much like Camille did. He’s glad they’re both dead, unable to hurt the people he loves anymore.

She smiles again, like she’s thankful for his little display, for how automatically it comes to him. Her hand lingers on his, the both of them drawing comfort from the random patterns their fingers leave on each other’s skin. “After he died, things changed a little bit. I’ve been trying to reclaim my wolf. Make it mine. It brought me too many good things for me to let It belong to him,” she says.

Raphael nods. He can understand that. There’s still a lot he misses, but at the end of the day - he built a family after being a downworlder. Magnus. Cat. Madzie. His clan. His partners. The regulars at Taki’s. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if he lost them, now. And he wouldn’t have had them if he hadn’t been Turned.

Maia sighs, like the words are tiring her out. “But I get it. I get that need to- pretend it won’t happen. The cold.”

“Thank you,” he says, even if that doesn’t sound like the appropriate answer; it’s the one he feels like he needs to give.

Maia smiles. “It’s come to mean a lot to me, to be able to Turn, and not fight it,” she continues. “And it’s really warm, too.”

He hums for a second, and then it dawns on him. “Is that an offer?” he asks, unable to keep the smile off his face, that wide one that’s just on the edge of laughter.

Maia, who had looked a little drawn, smiles back to him, relaxing back into the conversation. “If you don’t mind that we won’t be able to talk,” she says.

He shakes his head. “I don’t really feel like talking today, anyway,” he says, truthfully. He’s tired, and there’s that buzzing on his head that makes him feel like talking is too much of an effort, sometimes. Like it’s taking him from himself.

“You could have told me,” Maia says, not unkindly, getting up slightly and removing the top she usually wears to bed.

“I can handle it,” he points out.

“I know you can. I’m saying you don’t have to,” she fires back. Her tone is kind, but still cutting in that no-bullshit way only Maia can do. It’s one of the many things he loves about her; she’s very direct, when it matters.

He nods, and doesn’t say anything. She smiles, shimmying out of her panties, which earns her a snort that she fights back with nothing but a swat in his general direction. It’s a testament to how close they are, that Raphael doesn’t mind seeing her like this. It’s always a little terrifying, looking at someone and wondering what it would be like to want them, and feeling his stomach churn just at the thought. But Maia knows it doesn’t mean anything; and it doesn’t mean anything to her, either.

Besides, she’s beautiful, her skin almost as brown and shiny as her hair, making she look like the beginning of a starry night. She’s soft, too, and there’s just something about her that radiates warmth, and safety.

She’s the opposite of Raphael. All light and softness, but with the power to be sharp, and strong, lying underneath.

And then she Turns, and it’s like the midnight sky. Her transformation is smooth now, and mesmerizing to watch. Her fur is darker than her hair, her eyes glowing Alpha green - he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss the brown, so much more real and beautiful and sweet; but somehow her Alpha green doesn’t look threatening when she’s like this; more like welcoming, and protective. Her fur is just as shiny as her hair, except not as curly. And she’s bigger too, bigger than Raphael - not that that takes a lot, he thinks bitterly - and yeah, she was right. She feels like a furnace, radiating heat.

She wastes no time either, immediately making Raphael lie down again - with a soft nudge of her paw over his shoulder, delicate and careful in that way that fills him with endearment. Then she lies on top of him, carefully so he gets adjusted to her weight. Somehow, looking into her eyes, he knows she’s smiling.

As soon as she settles, he wastes no time, his hands running to her back so he can stroke her beautiful fur. It’s nice that her fur is straighter than her hair, because they can both get the best of both worlds; the careful way he can squeeze her curls and run the tips of his fingers over her scalp, and the longer strokes alongside her fur. He feels warm in a second, the heat radiating from her making him feel full, and real, and home. He closes his eyes, and there’s the faint smell of the spices that still linger on both of them after so many hours at Taki’s, and the warmth from her body, and the perfect texture of her body. He’s enveloped in her, not like he’s trapped, or sealed away; but like they overflow with each other, simple and content.

He sighs, and she nuzzles his neck slightly, and he’s so happy he barely knows what to do with it.

“It’s an honor that you’re comfortable with me like this,” he says, because it’s true, and he wants to say it. He knows how far she’s had to go in order to even be comfortable in her wolf form by herself, much less with other people. “I love you.”

She wags her tail, completely disrupting the covers on top of them, and letting out an embarrassed whimper afterwards. Raphael can’t help it; he laughs.

“It’s ok,” he says, too tired of words to elaborate, but knowing that she knows what he means, anyway. Soon it would be too hot, with the covers over them like this. He barely feels an ounce of cold anymore, and it hasn’t even been a minute.

She nuzzles his neck again, settling against him for real this time, and soon her breaths even and she falls into peaceful, happy sleep. It looks like she’s smiling, and despite his tiredness, Raphael finds himself actively fighting the sleep so he can keep running his hands alongside her, watching over her sleep, enjoying her warmth.

Raphael Santiago hates the cold. But he never wanted to be defined by his hatreds. Not when love beats so loudly inside of him, thrumming with happiness and purpose.

When he wakes up the next day, sunlight hitting his face and a half-awake Maia mumbling because she forgot to close the window, he feels better rested than he has in years.

Centuries, even.