Monumental Mischief
Summary: Boromir receives a mysterious bottle from Merry and Pippin. Havoc ensues. (Happens post-battle of Isengard on the journey back to Helm's Deep.)
Written for the 2023 @fall-for-tolkien event! Inspired by You Have Mail by @i-did-not-mean-to
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,184
Read on AO3 or below
“Um... Gandalf?”
The wizard looked up to see Pippin and Merry looking at him with what they surely thought were innocent smiles but he knew were devious grins. He narrowed his eyes at them and raised an eyebrow. Merry elbowed Pippin and he spoke again.
“We were wondering if there was any way to get some more of that Entwash that Treebeard gave us?”
“Purely for research purposes of course,” Merry interrupted.
“And we wouldn’t be drinking it ourselves, just, um, studying it some more. You know, to learn more about the mystical ways of the Ents,” Pippin finished.
Gandalf paused. He found himself in a difficult predicament. If he said no, the hobbits would never let it go. Constantly bugging him and asking for it every time he got a chance to sit down. It would be no use to explain to the pair that he did not have access to the draught. They were convinced he was all-powerful. However, Gandalf knew it would be an absolute disaster to give the young hobbits Ent-draught. They were already both taller than any hobbits Gandalf had known, and even if they did keep their word and not consume it themselves, they would surely be using it to wreak havoc on the company.
He kept silent for a moment, pondering his next move, when he was struck with a devious idea. Why not give the hobbits a taste of their own medicine? Surely no harm could be done, and they would all have a good laugh. He could use a splash of entertainment.
“Very well,” Gandalf replied. “I shall see if I can procure some for you. And I must say, I am delighted that you have decided to take a scholarly path. Run along now.”
That night, Boromir was laying out his bedroll when he found a small brown sack that had been slipped into his bag. Curious, he opened it to find a small glass bottle and a letter. He unfolded the note and attempted to decipher the scribbled handwriting.
Dear Boromir,
Here is a little thank you present from your favorite members of the fellowship. It will help keep you strong so you can keep teaching us sword fighting. We know you’ll enjoy it!
Signed,
Your favorite hobbit (and Pippin)
Pippers and Merry Berry
Merry and Pippin!
Boromir’s face split into a grin as he chuckled. He really did care for the hobbits and was honored they would give him a gift. In Gondor, the giving of a gift implied great respect and admiration. Apprentices often gave gifts to their masters to thank them for passing on their skills. Folding the note carefully and tucking it into his pocket, he turned to the vial. It was a rather peculiar shape, large at the bottom and curved to a small opening at the top, and filled with an amber liquid. He heard stifled giggles in the bushes nearest him and fought a smile. Perhaps it was hobbit custom to hide nearby while a friend opened your gift.
He pulled the cork out and downed the entire thing in one gulp. To his surprise, it tasted just like regular Gondorian mead. An odd thing to have, to be sure, and too small an amount for his liking, but he was grateful nonetheless. Too worn out from the day to question how his friends procured the drink, he laid down to sleep with a happy smile on his face. It was nice to be appreciated.
The next morning Boromir opened his eyes and stretched with a yawn. A smile set itself on his face as he sat up. His good mood was such that he even began to hum while packing up his bedroll. He had a feeling it was going to be a great day.
Swinging his pack over his shoulder, Boromir strolled over to where Aragorn, Pippin, and Merry were sitting eating breakfast.
“Good morning, friends,” he called out as he approached.
“Hey Boromir! You’re sure looking tall today,” Merry yelled back. He glanced at Pippin, who nodded his head emphatically.
“Even for a man, you seem very large,” the young hobbit added. “We’re so lucky to have such a tall and strong person in our company!”
“Isn’t he looking tall today, Aragorn?” Merry turned his head to look at his friend. Aragorn gave a tired sigh. He did not get enough sleep to deal with whatever antics the two hobbits dreamed up.
“Just finish your breakfast already. We need to get on the road.”
“Aragorn?”
The ranger sat up from where he had been starting a fire. “Yes, Boromir?”
The man took a deep breath. “Is it true?”
“Is what true?”
“Is it true what the hobbits have been saying all day? Am I actually looking a lot taller?” Boromir asked hesitantly.
Aragorn furrowed his brow. “If you’re looking for compliments, you’ll have to try someone else.”
“No, that's not it. It’s just…” Boromir hesitated. Aragorn set down his sword and turned his full attention to his companion.
“Yes?” he prodded.
“Well, the hobbits gave me a drink of some sort the other night and I assumed it was mead, but now I’m worried they somehow got their hands on some sort of growing potion,” Boromir rushed. Aragorn tried to keep his expression serious as he nodded.
“Growing potion.”
Boromir dragged his hand across his face. “I know it sounds fanciful, but they have been making comments about my height all day and it has made me worried! Even my boots don’t fit quite right anymore! Am I truly unnaturally tall today?”
Aragorn took a deep breath and pursed his lips to fight down a smile. It appeared that his friend was legitimately distressed, and it would not do to mock him now. He laid his hands on Boromir’s shoulders. “I promise that you look exactly the same height as yesterday. A completely normal height for a man. I do not know what Merry and Pippin were referring to, but can one ever know what those two are on about?”
Boromir, who had been holding his breath, heaved a sigh of relief. “I suppose I’ve overreacted. The hobbits were probably just trying to compliment me. Thank you, my friend.”
Gandalf smiled to himself. Giving the hobbits a fake potion was a genius plan, if he did say so himself. They couldn’t complain to him that it didn’t work, because to do so would admit they had given it to someone. And if they truly wanted to study it… well, Gandalf knew that definitely wasn’t true. He had successfully pranked the pranksters. Besides, the smallest part of him had enjoyed watching Boromir’s distress grow throughout the day. Such a valiant man being afraid of his height was extremely entertaining.
Suddenly anxious, the wizard reached into his saddle bag and ensured the palantír was still inside. He was afraid that with the prank having failed, young Pippin’s thoughts would again turn towards the stone. Oh, Gandalf wished the hobbit had never picked it up. Perhaps he would sleep with it tonight, just to be safe.
Thanks to @psyche-the-ya-protagonist for being my awesome beta reader!
Comments and reblogs are always appreciated! Let me know your thoughts or personal headcanons!
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