#metamorphosis is the *obvious* choice but i know there are already other works in the fandom by that name so this'll have to do:

[starflungwaddledee]

is that silhouette at the end of your last post supposed to be a morpho form of meta?

it looks like it has meta's wings and his galaxia

this fandom is incredible...

"what is the unintelligible shape in this shadow?!"

"pfft. starflung this is easy. despite the fact we can see only two of her tines and the hilt is wrong it is CLEARLY the legendary sword Galaxia."

kirby fans really are so powerful at picking up hints and clues from just a shred of information. anyway, here's your... reward?

and uh... and uh...

@phanzon no but it.... it could be.

[cappymightwrite]

What draws you to incest ?

*sighs* Ok, here we go. I'm a real card carrying Jonsa now aren't I?

Anon, listen. I know this is an anti question that gets bandied about a lot, aimed at provoking, etc, when we all know no Jonsa is out here being all you know what, it really is the incest, and the incest alone, that draws me in. I mean, come on now. Grow up.

If I was "drawn" to incest I'd be a fan of Cersei x Jaime, Lucrezia x Cesare, hell Oedipus x Jocasta etc... but I haven't displayed any interest in them now, have I? So, huh, it can't be that.

Frankly, it's a derivitive question that is really missing the mark. I'm not "drawn" to it, though yeah, it is an unavoidable element of Jonsa. The real question you should be asking though, is what draws GRRM to it? Because he obviously is drawn to it, specifically what is termed the "incest motif" in academic and literary scholarship. That is a far more worthwhile avenue of thinking and questioning, compared with asking me. Luckily for you though anon, I sort of anticipated getting this kind of question so had something in my drafts on standby...

You really don't have to look far, or that deeply, to be hit over the head by the connection between GRRM's literary influences and the incest motif. I mean, let's start with the big cheese himself, Tolkein:

Tolkein + Quenta Silmarillion

We know for definite that GRRM has been influenced by Tolkein, and in The Silmarillion you notably have a case of unintentional incest in Quenta Silmarillion, where Túrin Turambar, under the power of a curse, unwittingly murders his friend, as well as marries and impregnates his sister, Nienor Níniel, who herself had lost her memory due to an enchantment.

Mr Tolkein, "what draws you to incest?"

Old Norse + Völsunga saga

Tolkein, as a professor of Anglo-Saxon, was hugely influenced by Old English and Old Norse literature. The story of the ring Andvaranaut, told in Völsunga saga, is strongly thought to have been a key influence behind The Lord of the Rings. Also featured within this legendary saga is the relationship between the twins Signy and Sigmund — at one point in the saga, Signy tricks her brother into sleeping with her, which produces a son, Sinfjotli, of pure Völsung blood, raised with the singular purpose of enacting vengence.

Anonymous Norse saga writer, "what draws you to incest?"

Medieval Literature as a whole

A lot is made of how "true" to the storied past ASOIAF is, how reflective it is of medieval society (and earlier), its power structures, its ideals and martial values etc. ASOIAF, however, is not attempting historical accuracy, and should not be read as such. Yet it is clearly drawing from a version of the past, as depicted in medieval romances and pre-Christian mythology for instance, as well as dusty tomes on warfare strategy. As noted by Elizabeth Archibald in her article Incest in Medieval Literature and Society (1989):

Of course the Middle Ages inherited and retold a number of incest stories from the classical world. Through Statius they knew Oedipus, through Ovid they knew the stories of Canace, Byblis, Myrrha and Phaedra. All these stories end more or less tragically: the main characters either die or suffer metamorphosis. Medieval readers also knew the classical tradition of incest as a polemical accusation,* for instance the charges against Caligula and Nero. – p. 2

The word "polemic" is connected to controversy, to debate and dispute, therefore these classical texts were exploring the incest motif in order to create discussion on a controversial topic. In a way, your question of "what draws you to incest?" has a whiff of polemical accusation to it, but as I stated, you're missing the bigger question.

Moving back to the Middle Ages, however, it is interesting that we do see a trend of more incest stories appearing within new narratives between the 11th and 13th centuries, according to Archibald:

The texts I am thinking of include the legend of Judas, which makes him commit patricide and then incest before betraying Christ; the legend of Gregorius, product of sibling incest who marries his own mother, but after years of rigorous penance finally becomes a much respected pope; the legend of St Albanus, product of father-daughter incest, who marries his mother, does penance with both his parents but kills them when they relapse into sin, and after further penance dies a holy man; the exemplary stories about women who sleep with their sons, and bear children (whom they sometimes kill), but refuse to confess until the Virgin intervenes to save them; the legends of the incestuous begetting of Roland by Charlemagne and of Mordred by Arthur; and finally the Incestuous Father romances about calumniated wives, which resemble Chaucer's Man of Law's Tale except that the heroine's adventures begin when she runs away from home to escape her father's unwelcome advances. – p. 2

I mean... that last bit sounds eerily quite close to what we have going on with Petyr Baelish and Sansa Stark. But I digress. What I'm trying to say is that from a medieval and classical standpoint... GRRM is not unique in his exploration of the incest motif, far from it.

Sophocles, Ovid, Hartmann von Aue, Thomas Malory, etc., "what draws you to incest?"

Faulkner + The Sound and the Fury, and more!

Moving on to more modern influences though, when talking about the writing ethos at the heart of his work, GRRM has famously quoted William Faulker:

His mantra has always been William Faulkner’s comment in his Nobel prize acceptance speech, that only the “human heart in conflict with itself… is worth writing about”. [source]

I’ve never read any Faulker, so I did just a quick search on “Faulkner and incest” and I pulled up this article on JSTOR, called Faulkner and the Politics of Incest (1998). Apparently, Faulkner explores the incest motif in at least five novels, therefore it was enough of a distinctive theme in his work to warrant academic analysis. In this journal article, Karl F. Zender notes that:

[...] incest for Faulkner always remains tragic [...] – p. 746

Ah, we can see a bit of running theme here, can't we? But obviously, GRRM (one would hope) doesn’t just appreciate Faulkner’s writing for his extensive exploration of incest. This quote possibly sums up the potential artistic crossover between the two:

Beyond each level of achieved empathy in Faulkner's fiction stands a further level of exclusion and marginalization. – pp. 759–60

To me, the above parallels somewhat GRRM’s own interest in outcasts, in personal struggle (which incest also fits into):

I am attracted to bastards, cripples and broken things as is reflected in the book. Outcasts, second-class citizens for whatever reason. There’s more drama in characters like that, more to struggle with. [source]

Interestingly, however, this essay on Faulkner also connects his interest in the incest motif with the romantic poets, such as Percy Bysshe Shelley and Lord Byron:

As Peter Thorslev says in an important study of romantic representations of incest, " [p]arent-child incest is universally condemned in Romantic literature...; sibling incest, on the other hand, is invariably made sympathetic, is sometimes exonerated, and, in Byron's and Shelley's works, is definitely idealized.” – p. 741

Faulkner, "what draws you to incest?" ... I mean, that article gives some good explanations, actually.

Lord Byron, Manfred + The Bride of Abydos

Which brings us onto GRRM interest in the Romantics:

I was always intensely Romantic, even when I was too young to understand what that meant. But Romanticism has its dark side, as any Romantic soon discovers... which is where the melancholy comes in, I suppose. I don't know if this is a matter of artistic influences so much as it is of temperament. But there's always been something in a twilight that moves me, and a sunset speaks to me in a way that no sunrise ever has. [source]

I'm already in the process of writing a long meta about the influence of Lord Byron in ASOIAF, specifically examining this quote by GRRM:

The character I’m probably most like in real life is Samwell Tarly. Good old Sam. And the character I’d want to be? Well who wouldn’t want to be Jon Snow — the brooding, Byronic, romantic hero whom all the girls love. Theon [Greyjoy] is the one I’d fear becoming. Theon wants to be Jon Snow, but he can’t do it. He keeps making the wrong decisions. He keeps giving into his own selfish, worst impulses. [source]

Lord Byron, "what draws you to—", oh, um, right. Nevermind.

I'm not going to repeat myself here, but it's worth noting that there is a clear through line between GRRM and the Romantic writers, besides perhaps melancholic "temperament"... and it's incest.

But look, is choosing to explore the incest motif...well, a choice? Yeah, and an uncomfortable one at that, but it’s obvious that that is what GRRM is doing. I think it’s frankly a bit naive of some people to argue that GRRM would never do Jonsa because it’s pseudo-incest and therefore morally repugnant, no ifs, no buts. I’m sorry, as icky as it may be to our modern eyes, GRRM has set the president for it in his writing with the Targaryens and the Lannister twins.

The difference with them is that they knowingly commit incest, basing it in their own sense of exceptionalism, and there are/will be bad consequences — this arguably parallels the medieval narratives in which incest always ends badly, unless some kind of real penance is involved. For Jon and Sansa, however, the Jonsa argument is that they will choose not to commit incest, despite a confused attraction, and then will be rewarded in the narrative through the parentage reveal, a la Byron’s The Bride of Abydos. The Targaryens and Lannisters, in several ways excluding the incest (geez the amount of times I’ve written incest in this post), are foils for the Starks, and in particular, Jon and Sansa. Exploring the incest motif has been on the cards since the very beginning — just look at that infamous "original" outline — regardless of whether we personally consider that an interesting writing choice, or a morally inexcusable one.

Word of advice, or rather, warning... don't think you can catch me out with these kinds of questions. I have access to a university database, so if I feel like procrastinating my real academic work, I can and will pull out highly researched articles to school you, lmao.

But you know, thanks for the ask anyway, I guess.

[hag-rambling-on]

More about the schools in rewinxing Magix...

Let's see. First to said these three schools are at the end run by the Magic Realm Council, and it is best to think of them as a military academy or affiliated with a UNO-type para/military group.

They send their students on missions (the only thing that explains to me that the winx and the specialists go out so much and the adults leave them).

The first with supervision, the following with follow-up and then with reports it’s enough.

Average time of studies and graduation mark

Witches/wizards study at least 7 years or 9 because 7 is a magic number and 9 is three times 3. It does not have a final transformation but a series of spells and creation of minimal artifacts (such as Gloomix -now called Sheen Trinket-, the Vacuum -we will call it by their dub name Whisperian Bottles-, Convergence and the Grief Edge/Blade -actually takes form of random weapon- for graduation)

fairies/faes at leat 5 years. Both begin with coming of age when the creature's magic core has stabilized. There are many reconized fairy transformations. But in Alfea they ask for the Enchantix as a graduation mark transformation because a Guardian Fairy has to be willing to give everything for others. Many fairies of Alfea achieve their basic form in the first year and in the following a few others according to their affinities up to Enchantix. It is not normal to get the Enchantix in the 3rd year, although it is introduced in that year so that the fairies/faes can get mentalized.

Paladins and Specialists start at 14 years old and train for a minimum of 10 years. The first years can be skipped but you have to show that you have physical fitness, which is what they focus on. Because magic is tricky and the body is not. But sure, most royals train at home and go straight into the last courses. Their final exam is a circuit or mission that requires they to use a great deal of their knowledge learned over the years. It is very comprehensive and has individual and group parts.

Uniforms

Faes have uniforms with protection against falls and blows, also to facilitate the invocation of the wings. They are not gender specific, yes, there are skirts and pants, but you wear what you want.

Witches do not have a uniform, but on special occasions - when they confront other schools - they wear long black robes to identify themselves.

Specialists and Paladins uniforms they are very resistant, thermal insulating and have a dark-light type concealment function. Which is not black or white, but a range of dark and light colors to blend in in dark places or in deserts and tundras. Obtaining the energy for it depends on whether they are Specialists (technomagic) or Paladins (magical artifacts) it is for this energy that each person gets a different color. They also start with a full standard armor coating that tends to decrease according to the combat style of each fighter But it also helps training -because of the extra weight-. Paladins uniforms adds featherlike wings, specialists usually use animals or vehicles.

Schools buildings and location

All schools are located in Magix. An asteroid in a belt, in the remains of Planet Hike, from which it formed. It is a neutral location and home to the Magic Realm Council. Another place considered neutral is Lymphea.

Lake Rocaluce is where a great meteor was invoked and caused the fracture of the planet (and the end of a war, an interRealm war that Hika hosted, but that was long before even the Ancient Witches. The schools are placed around him in eternal memory it... Although... they no longer remember... Magix (the city) was founded by the weary survivors of this war and they too formed the Magic Realms Council, with their sede in the Fortress of Light that hangs above Lake Roccaluce.

---

Both Alfea and CT has been saturated with a lot of magic for a long time, this is why they are relatively alive. Although this is much more obvious in Cloud Tower (Alias Cloudy). The latter is alive to the point that some people become obsessed with school and not drop it, and suspend, suspend, and continue to fail.

Room customization is encouraged as a form of self-expression, specially in Alfea.

Cloud Tower is in dark colors so I already mentioned to welcome its residents without strident stimuli. On the contrary, Alfea has light and harmonic colors, vibrant without being garish, which call joy, warm, hope, cleanliness.

---

It doesn't seem practical to me for Fonterrosa to float in the air with a super powerful storm witch around. Rebuilt in the ground with a -I'm paranoid, I dare you to come in this time- f*ck you face but the staff.

Here the first months are "open rooms", that is, if you are not satisfied, you can change rooms and teams if you defend yourself well with the teachers. Being reasonable and knowing how to explain yourself is supposed to be part of the job and sometimes things don't work out, they get it (and all of the specialist sleep with their weapon near!!!)

---

LC or Lyceum is how they short call the Lymphea College for faes/ies, witches/wizards, specialists and Paladins. But within them, the Faction of Paladins is considered a n.p. So, if they talk about fairies/witches/specialists they would say they come from the Lyceum, but if they are Paladins, they come from The Faction [of the Lymphea College, affiliate to the Council, of Rocaluce, of Magix, of... etc. Jedi everywhere)]

Scholarships

Alfea, Cloud Tower and Fonterrosa are known as the elite of their kind, so they have few scholarships and are very rigorous. Or of course money money.

Forgoing a scholarship is frowned upon, although they are willing to give you a recommendation for the school of your choice. How was the case with Flora (she got a scholarship in CT but she didn’t accept it, either way they recommended her to Alfea and therefore she was able to enter, Miele did not have that opportunity for so she stays in Lymphea).

Musa got a full scholarship. Bloom's special case led to a partial scholarship, although no one told her, so she stayed until she got her family back, both studying and working as a waitress. Under normal circumstances she couldn't have allowed herself a course at Alfea on a single waitress's salary.

Riven has a partial scholarship only because his behavior fails to win him full scholarship, this actually improves when the series begins.

Paladins and Specialists

At first they were the same order but favoritism vs obstracism to people who could use magic devices or musr rely on technomagic ones separated them. Over time they have come together again and make times of exchange to favor collaboration and such.

Today the Paladins have taken a more peaceful approach and they usually work directly for the Magic Realms Council and the Specialists more combat oriented. that are not so "exquisite". I am not saying Specialists are mercenaries, but they not serve exclusively a single Jedi-wanna-be organization.

Timmy and Brandom could have been paladins. Timmy chose not to be so as not to fall into the nerdy stereotype that is only good for purely external help. Brandon for Sky obviously. We already mentioned that Nabu and Helia have witch origin.

Other schools and possible jobs

I think I mentioned it in another post, but the main output of these schools is Guardian, the formation of Kaleidoscopes, Covens and Squads, everything is oriented to that.

So, once finished here, you can work on many things with security and embassy being the most obvious and demanded from these schools.

But you can be a teacher, researcher, creator / repairer / tester of potions or magic items, animal caretaker, nurse, any version of work from the magic application ranger by example, firefighter, cleaner. Or you can jump to the normal university in a vip way. From here.

What do you can to learn

Some subjects/courses common to all schools (even though theoretically have studied it before). BTW They can go to other schools to receive extra courses: Good Manners/Etiquette, Flight, Cognitive analysis, History of Magix, Basic Survival, Firsts Aids, Basic Witchcraft, Basic Fairycraft, Basic Magical Zoology, Basic Zoology, Basic Herbology, Basic Magic Herbology, Magiphysics, Dance, Music, Art. Diplomacy.

Other examples but only to magic schools: Potionology, Magiphilosophy, History of Magic, Healing, Transfiguration (metamorphosis, metamorphosymbiosis, biotrasformation), Applied convergence, Summoning, Psychic arts (speciality *x* ie illusion, emotion, mind-reading), Divination, Basic Wild Magic, Elemental Magic (speciality *x*), Nature Magic, Art-applied magics (speciality *x*), Magical Zoology, Basic Craftsmanship Magic, Advanced Craftsmanship Magic, Astral Magic, Basic Forbidden Magic Knowledge. FORBIDDEN: Demonology, Necromancy, Sacrificial Magic among others.

Other examples but only to Specialists and Paladins (for paladins some are mandatory): Dragon wrangling, flying fighter crafts, Riding, Driving/navigation, Astronavigation, Beast/Animal Taming, Close quarter combat (sub speciality in weapon *x*), Long range combat, Cooperation, Mechanics, Technology, Hand-to-hand combat (sub speciality in *x*), Strategy, (numbers yes or no 101 and more), Advanced survival techniques, Close protection operative, Concealment operations, Unconventional weapons, Fighting Magic Basic-Advanced-Expert, Fighting Magic Users Basic-Advanced-Expert.

Paladins have more courses related to magic and the application and repair of magic items. And deep in others as diplomacy I guess.

[alarawriting]

Inktober #12: Dragon

Yeah, out of order again. I have plans for prompt 11 but this was the one that came to me first.

***

Ichtyrios bent his head very, very low to look inside the nursery. “They look so unfinished. Like fat little larvae. Do they undergo a metamorphosis?”

His companion, Ysabriem, laughed. “It’s a lot like that, but they never enter a cocoon… over the course of 12 years, they change into smaller versions of the full-grown ones. Before that age they need enormous amounts of care, and they’re not very useful. We start training them when they’re 5, teaching them mathematics and ciphering, and then the physical tasks around the age of 7.”

“But they’re not useful until they’re 12? That seems very odd. Aren’t they supposedly intelligent?”

“Oh, they’re very intelligent. Excellent problem-solvers, and those tiny little digits of theirs are incredibly dexterous.”

“So why does it take them so long to become useful?” He lifted his head. “Our young are born knowing enough to be fully functional even if their parents are dead.”

“Our young take 30 years to hatch. They grow their young in their bodies for not even a full year.”

Ichtyrios nodded, his talons reaching up to stroke his chin. “That’s a good point. I hadn’t thought of that. They’re halfway through their lives by the time one of us is ready to hatch.”

“Closer to a third, but yes.” Ysabriem began walking toward the Choosing creche. “You’re coming, aren’t you?”

“It’s why I came, yes,” Ichtyrios said impatiently, huffing a quick puff of smoke. “I just – I’m not sure. A commitment of seventy, eighty years? Hardly forever, but it’s not trivial either.”

“It’s true,” Ysabriem said without looking back at him. “If you’re not prepared to make that commitment, you really shouldn’t take on a human Companion. They’re loyal, talented, smart and easy to train, and I’ve never known a dragon who regretted the decision… but that’s because every dragon who comes here to be Chosen is certain. You have to be sure before making the commitment.”

“What happens to them if it doesn’t work out? If the dragon dies while they’re still alive, or doesn’t get along with them and wants to give them back?”

Ysabriem shrugged. “Some Choose again, and become a different dragon’s Companion. Some never do; their hearts are broken, and they can’t bear to live among dragons again. We try to make sure only the most resilient ones are allowed to make the Choice, but humans are much more fragile than dragons, in more ways than just the obvious physical differences. Their emotions are nothing to toy with, Icht. If you’re not sure, I won’t allow a human to Choose you.”

“You don’t have one.”

“I’ve had two, in my lifetime. It’s… terrible, watching them die. One lived out her natural span, so at least I was expecting it… but the other one died fixing our ship’s reactor. Radiation poisoning. It’s a terrible way to go.” She sighed. “So I work with the nursery and the creche. I don’t have my own human anymore, but I get to see and care for hundreds of them, when they’re youngest and least likely to die.”

“But you gave up space for that?”

“Yes, well.” Ysabriem’s nictating eyelids slid closed, one of the few involuntary expressions of sorrow that dragons made. “I regret losing space, but I don’t regret not taking on a new companion and I don’t regret working with the young humans. Maybe someday I’ll feel able to go back out again, and on that day, I’ll present myself to the fledgling humans and see if any of them Choose me.”

“I want to go to space,” Ichtyrios said. “I’ve been all over the world. There’s nothing more to see here, no more lands to explore. We’ve colonized our entire world. I want to go places no dragon has ever been.”

“You hoard new experiences?” Ysabriem waved her tail in an expression of friendly cheer. “Many do. And you’re right, there’s no better way to experience things no other dragon ever has than to explore space. The humans – most of them – are driven by the same desire. They want to see things, to learn things and walk in places that no human has before.”

“They’re so small. So fragile.”

“They are, but they have to be. A dragon can’t work with the micrometer tolerances the engines need… not without tools, and most of our tools die in the magnetic fields we need to keep the fuel bottled and channeled. Humans are much more vulnerable to the radiation, but they’re small enough and their hands skilled enough that they can keep the engines maintained at nine nine’s of efficiency. No dragon has ever managed to pull that off; even when we’ve created experimental craft that don’t need a human’s touch, the best a dragon can manage is three nine’s. We’re just not evolved to care about problems so small; we can’t focus on that level of detail, not when there’s treasures to find. Plus, dragons without human companions have a bad habit of recklessly pursuing treasure and getting killed; we’re too used to being virtually invulnerable, but space can kill us too. Humans aren’t apex predators. They know they can easily be killed, and that makes them more cautious than dragons.”

“I’ve heard a rumor that dragons with human Companions go into heat or rut every time the human does?”

Ysabriem laughed puffs of smoke. “Oh – oh, dear me, no! I’ve heard that one too, and I have no idea why. Humans don’t go into heat, or rut. Or rather, they’re always there. A decade or less after you get your Companion, they’ll be seeking to mate with other humans virtually every chance they get. If you were influenced into heat or rut every time your human mated, you’d get nothing done!”

“Ah.” Ichtyrios laughed as well in relief. “That’s good to hear. I’d heard about the humans mating so frequently, and if your Companion mating causes you to go into rut—oh dear is right!”

“Also, they don’t have to mate with the Companion of your mate when you’re in mating season, you can’t read their minds, they can’t read your minds, they don’t kill themselves in grief when you die – though many humans will absolutely put themselves in grave danger to avenge you if what kills you is a living being, and Companions are chosen for their willingness to risk their lives to protect you and make sure you don’t die. Have I covered all the silly myths?”

“Most of the ones I’ve heard. But they do Choose us, not the other way around.”

“Right.” Ysabriem dipped her head to signal emphatic agreement. “Think about it. They’re choosing a dragon to be Companion to for their entire lives. Of course they need to be the ones to Choose.”

“How do they make the Choice?”

“Well, no dragon is completely certain how they do it… the human Elders keep that a secret. But we’re fairly sure that they teach the children what traits to look for in a dragon to match their own needs, and the children get to review the personality profiles of any dragon coming to the Choosing Grounds. We think sometimes that children who never pick a dragon had their heart set on one who applied to present themselves to be Chosen, but then never showed up.”

“Wait. So you’re saying there might be a human who’s already Chosen me?”

“I know, it seems a little less magic than the thought that they can just look at you and know – and you know, it’s possible they’re doing some of that, too. Humans have very little genetic diversity; they come in ranges of basically three colors, they’re all within around 15% of the same size, and there’s nothing about their face shape, body type or coloration that says anything about their personality. To them, the fact that you can tell certain things about a dragon’s personality from our color, size, body shape or the types of ridges and ruffs we have on our bodies must seem like we’re an open book, in comparison to them. But we do think they’re studying more than that about us, before they make their Choice. So… yes, it’s possible there’s a human who’s already decided to Choose you.”

For some reason that was what made Ichtyrios’s decision for him. If a human didn’t Choose him this time around, maybe he’d rethink his decision, but for now… what if there was a human who wanted to be his Companion already, who’d been studying him and dreaming of being his personal assistant and traveling in space with him, and he didn’t show up and that human’s fragile heart was broken? Humans were far more sentimental and far more social than dragons; they needed the presence of other sapient beings far more than dragons did, and the loss of a person’s presence when they expected one could do them actual physical damage, or at least Ichtyrios had been so taught.

He didn’t want to harm the human who possibly already loved him and dreamed of being his friend by not showing up for that human to Choose him.

“All right,” he said. “All right, I’ll do it. Take me to the creche for the Choosing. I want to meet the humans.”

“And you’ll take whichever one Chooses you as your Companion for the rest of its life, caring for it through illness, injury and senescence, providing for its every need – including the need to express and receive affection from its Companion?”

Ichtyrios dipped his head. “I’m ready to make a commitment, yes. I want space… and I want to meet whatever human might decide to Choose me.”

“Then follow me,” Ysabriem said. “The Choosing is in two hours. You won’t want to miss it.”

[harusha]

I just saw your post about PJ and I'm wondering, do you have any book recs?

On mythology specifically or overall? I’m gonna do both since I’m not sure. Also sorry for the relatively late reply, I had to think about this, and I just got back from dinner.

The Count of Monte Cristo- Fantastic page turner, and a genuinely good “revenge” tale. It’s actually one of the first of that kind (or at the very least, one of the most popular ones). It’s also a book that a lot of people cite as the one that changes their mind on classics as “boring.”

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn- Somewhat of a controversial pick (both because of its subject matter and because it’s often “required high school reading,” ie “boring” to a lot of people.)

Huck Finn is an exceedingly complex character, and his friendship with Jim is really good. Pay attention to what Huck Finn does and says; he’s an unreliable narrator due to how he was brought up, his age, and his illiteracy. There’s also a lot of symbolism and other literary devices at play in his character (ex. notice his fixation with death and how it colors how Twain writes him). It’s very much a book I recommend if you want to study the unreliable narrator as a trope, the  Naïf version of it.

As a side note, it’s very poignant because of how Huck learns to condemn his racism. One of the messages you can get from this book is “If this uneducated poor white boy can learn to overcome his prejudices, so too can someone who has been educated, has money, etc.” It is a brutal condemnation of racism (though you do have to consider the time period, the “lens” of which you have to view through.)

Lolita- Another controversial pick, and one I’ll upright say as a lot of trigger warnings attached (google the summary, and you’ll see what I mean).

Beautiful prose (some of my favorite in literature actually) and a monster of a protagonist. When you read this, remember how Humbert Humbert is framing it. He is telling his tale to a court; he is unreliable and will frame events to make himself appear sympathetic. One notable factor of the author’s skill is how often Humbert gains the readers’ sympathy despite the atrocious subject matter. I personally felt viscerally uncomfortable reading his thoughts, and this is one of the few books that has ever made me feel that way. I didn’t fall into the sympathy trap, but look at any discussion of the book, and you’ll see what I mean.

I also recommend this author’s (Vladimir Nabokov) other works.

Franz Kafka’s literary works- Kafka is one of my favorite authors because he really showcases the isolation (both due to WWI, technological advancement, and the “beginnings” of modern capitalism) of the beginning of the 1900s, and he’s one of modernism’s premier authors. His works often deal with the themes of isolation, judgement, and outcasts. 

In particular, I’m fond of “The Metamorphosis” (cliche pick I know) and “In the Penal Colony.” The former is a short story so quick read if you just wanna try his writing style + it’s very influential (See Part 1 of Tokyo Ghoul for one example).

Also know that Kafka had a very strained relationship with his father and a conflicted relationship with his religion. I recommend reading “Letter to his Father” first to get an understanding of Kafka’s psyche to truly get pass the “nonsensical” nature of his works. It, like the title says, is a letter he wrote to his father, but his mother never delivered it.

If you want even more info on Kafka to understand his works, I recommend Kafka: Judaism, Politics, and Literature which covers a lot more (and in more succinct words) than I can on his works and life. As a fun fact, Vladimir Nabokov also placed him as one of the greatest writers of the 20th century. On Kafka himself, he thought he was a failure of a human being and writer, and now look at him. He’s up there in the Western Canon with Shakespeare.

Paradise Lost + Paradise Regained- If you’re interested in Lucifer (or Samael if you subscribe to that theory), this is a must-read. Beautiful, haunting, and with a very charismatic figure in Lucifer. Alongside the obvious Divine Comedy, this work has influenced the portrayal of Lucifer and Hell quite a bit imo. Namely, the “sympathetic” portrayal you find in works such as Supernatural. It’s also an epic poem so it’s best listened to imo rather than read.

No Longer Human- Osamu Dazai’s work if you’re into that one show. An incredibly depressing book that’s often thought to be semi-autobiographical. It’s a haunting book that I don’t recommend for prose, but for the mood it evokes. I don’t recommend this unless you’re in a decent state of mind.

The Catcher in the Rye- Mildly controversial pick in that you either hate Holden or love him. It’s a book where you have to be in the “right” state of mind to appreciate Holden. For example, the period of moving away from home for college  This work deals with societal isolation and human loneliness and features an unreliable narrator.

It’s just a very particular feeling you have to be experiencing to appreciate Holden. I think anyway.

The Epic of Gilgamesh- Not super fancy or a reinterpretation of whatever. Just the oldest known written work of mankind. I like it a lot, but I like Sumerian myth so YMMV. It’s still missing a few tablets last I checked, but still a good read.

Also the related Enuma Elish, you get the creation myth.

Vampire Chronicles- I recommend the first three or four so books honestly. Afterwards, Anne Rice just goes off the rails. Prose is pretty, and Lestat is a terrible person but fascinating to read about. I am partial to Armand though tbh.

Dracula- I think this is another page-turner. I certainly enjoyed it. I don’t think it’s as scary as it would be in its’ published time period, but it is a classic Gothic horror. The unabridged version may look intimidating, but like Monte Cristo, you’ll sweep through it rather quickly.

“A Rose for Emily”- One of William Faulkner’s short stories. I think it’s a lovely piece and showcases the Southern Gothic (crumbling house, decaying and failing tradition and the southern nobility, etc.) There’s a theme of decay and time passing throughout this work.

As a side note, I actually enjoy Faulkner a lot, but he’s a difficult author imo. It’s not as apparent in this work, but more so in Intruder in the Dust (the first racial thriller) and especially The Sound and The Fury.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof- A play that deals with repressed homosexuality (maybe, it depends on how you interpret Brick’s dialogue and actions), loss, and denial. I quite like it a lot, and Tennessee Williams actually was gay (was because he’s dead and all). I read it, but tbh I feel like it would be better watched if you can find a performance on Youtube.

The Picture of Dorian Gray- Oscar Wilde’s most well known work imo. I enjoy the prose and the themes of corruption and indulgence present throughout the novel. There’s also a lot of allusions to Faust in it if you’re interested in that.

Peter Darling-a more modern choice but it features a trans and gay protagonist. Part of what I enjoy is how it’s not browbeaten into you that the protagonist is trans. It’s interwoven into the character where it’s an important part of him, but to where it doesn’t overwhelm his entire character. However, this is a novel where I feel the beginning and ending are great, but the middle is so-so. It’s a retelling of Peter Pan.

The Tain- Focuses on Cu Cuchulain and his cycle.

Poetic Edda- A must read if you’re interested in exploring Norse myths outside of Marvel. It’s basically a collection of tales.

Arabian Nights- Scheherazade is one of my favorite female figures from literature. She’s daring, clever, and particularly resourceful. It’s a frame narrative sort of tale so you technically won’t be seeing her as much since she’s telling each story, but it’s a lovely piece and perfect for a bedtime read because of its collection of tales. A lot of them have been referenced in media and related as well.

The Book Thief- Classic YA novel rec. It’s set in WWII and one of the novels that really showcases what YA could be. Basically a classic gem in the rough pile.

John Keats- He’s a poet, but I love his poetry because of how haunting and dark it can get; he often deals with themes of mortality.. Ode to Nightingale is particularly good.

China’s Four Great Classical Novels (Journey to the West, Dreams of the Red Chamber, Water Margin, Romance of the Three Kingdoms)- I decided to clump them here since this is already super long. Each one is incredibly well-known in Asia (and obviously China), and you can find allusions everywhere to these four novels. Each novel is rather long and expensive though (I paid like 40 USD for each set). Journey to the West follows Sun Wukong, unarguably one of the most well-known figures in literature (at least in the East; he’s super influential, but somewhat less so in the West; keyword somewhat). Dreams of the Red Chamber has some very pretty poems, but it’s often thought to be the semi autobiographical work of the author (it deals with the rise and fall of his family and the dynasty).

Daiyu’s flower poem is one of the most memorable for example.

The blossoms fade, the blossoms fly,  the blossoms fill the sky. Their crimson fades, their scent dies out,  and who is there to pity?  Drifting threads gently twist together  and float past the springtime lodge;  Falling willow floss lightly sticks  and strikes the lady’s window drapes.

Water Margin is a bit “bawdier” than the other ones imo, but it’s a good tale and has many notable figures and scenes. On Three Kingdoms, it’s the one I’d recommend to start with if you’re interested in military intrigue and battles.

I also have a Goodreads where I organize everything by shelf if you prefer to look at that. I do need to update it though tbh.

https://www.goodreads.com/Mahariel

[sunshinexlollipops]

Oh, oh wow you really do know Arthur so damn well to be able to just, know that without even playing the mission. Like I said I'm just really impressed! I also find it interesting because Black Belle says to Arthur during her mission, and sorry if it's not entirely accurate I'm going off memory, "oh sugar if I wasn't already married out id take you in a heartbeat" of something along those lines. Like mother like daughter huh? ~💚

Arthur has a type, and it’s women that aren’t ones to just lay down and take things. He prefers women who also can handle themselves and aren’t afraid to speak their minds.

Now I’m not sure what Eliza was like and Mary is a little bit of an outlier in comparison to women like Charolette, Sadie, or the Black Belle even.

(And by that I mean she is an upper society woman and by no means is running into a situation with a gun at the ready. My guess is that Arthur enjoyed how she went against expectations of her and did as she wanted, even years down the road when she asked to run away with him. She may have been raised proper and did mostly as told, but I feel that streak of defiance and self-autonomy is what drew Arthur in amongst other things.)

Nevertheless, Arthur is impressed when a woman meets him head on and doesn’t back down.

He likes it when they see the role the world tries to give them and they shove it up whoever’s ass if they give them grief over rejecting it.

And it’s not that he doesn’t respect other women either— he appreciates them as people in the sense he considers them just as he does men, either case by case, or both on the same plane as the other. The only difference Arthur cares about is whether are worth the air they breathe with being good or bad people.

After all, he doesn’t like politics, and says anyone is a fool if they want to vote and get involved. But he quickly begins to see the women’s suffrage movement as something he can rally behind when he comes to find the world believes women are fools for wanting that choice.

He sees woman as people to respect, not as objects to be taken or used. And it’s why all the women in the gang revere Arthur as they do, because they don’t feel degraded by him just because they’re a different sex.

So at the heart of things, Arthur loves women. But more than anything, he loves himself a woman of standing.

Whether it be Arthur telling the shopkeeper to shut the fuck up when Sadie chose to wear pants instead of dresses, or if he mentions how he wishes he would’ve married a woman as embracing as Abigail, it’s obvious that Arthur prefers individuality over anything else.

When I started writing ACW, I wanted the reader to be an individual. That’s why there has been so much behind you as a character in the story, because, apart from making it an interesting read I think, it’s what draws Arthur in and keeps him there.

They had to be an equal to him in some way. Strong, able to handle themselves.

While I’m not fond of a damsel in distress trope (and there’s a difference between a character being in a pinch and then misfortune holding them in a vice), the reader doesn’t see herself as inferior to Arthur because she is a woman stuck in a hard place. She is the one to suggest working off her debt with the gang, and she has a drive of her own during her time with them.

I think Arthur was surprised at how the reader gathered herself together when what little of the life she had left fell apart just to look at him and go, “Guess I’ll try this now.”

We’ll see in the next few chapters a line this metamorphosis with you in terms of what is to happen. It started slow, but circumstances will push you to a point where it’s either adapt, or be left behind.

I’m excited to showcase exactly the reason why Arthur appreciates you as much as he does. ;)

(Edit: and do you really blame her? Or Wolf? Jfc. Arthur is like finding Adonis in a sea of mannequins.)

[artburogallery]

Woman's bag as an art object. History of ARTBURO.

Woman's bag as an art object. History of ARTBURO.

“Beauty without originality not pleasing to the eye.”

Christian Dior

In Paris, in a Lebanese restaurant, I watched a scene. An Arab family, a man and three women, booked a table near us. The man was wearing a tradition business suit, and the ladies strolled behind him in a conventional Arab garment, hiding everything but their eyes. A run of the mill story for Paris and I had already looked away, however then an awesome thing occured - all three as if on command, hung a similar Hermes Birkin on the backs of their seats.

I instantly recollected an episode from the film "The Devil Wears Prada"- a scene when one of the characters wonders why ladies have such a large number of bags. One of the women expresses her opinion as follows: "Fashion is not about utility. An accessory is merely a piece of iconography used to express individual identity".

Were those bags a form of symbolism which is fundamental for self-articulation of personality? Certainly. Given the traditions in the east, sometimes for women, this is the only opportunity for self-expression. Be that as it may, there is a snag. Everything these bags tell me portrays just the accessory, yet not their owner.

For those who are not in the know, like me back in that time, the iconic Hermes crocodile leather bag is a total investment. After several years in the production queue, the customer picks up the bag from the store, which is already higher than the original price, since this is an absolutely exclusive item on the market. Yes, you heard right this bag is an exclusive investment.

And afterwards I take a gander at the women in similar dark dresses, all wearing same Сartier adornments on their hands and my creative mind does not leave me in rest. I urgently need to find out about them... Yes, luxury items have this feature. They are rich in history, authentic, unique, yet they are objects of art that are independent from their proprietors.

But fashion, in particular accessories, is constant communication, a fashion statement, and a method of self-expression. Having paid a fabulous sum for a coveted accessory that just shouts about its status, the owner cannot express a single thought about her as a person. Everything has been thought out and said for her.

A women's bag is a reflection of a woman, her occupation, interests and lifestyle. We are not talking about her bag as an object of practicality - otherwise we would all carry around backpacks and bales.

Once Jane Birkin complained to the chairman of the board of the Hermes House about the lack of choices for a convenient bag, for her trouble this historical accessory was named after herself. The Birkin model depicts the character, femininity and audacity of the actress herself. Can you feel it? In fact, everyone buying this model associates themselves with her. But no more.

When I was first informed that someone had personalized their Birkin bag, I was skeptical. Well, I thought really to purchase a costly item and use it like that, some kind of fad.

I did not understand that for someone this bag is not the only one in the collection. The “save money on that precise thing” metamorphosis has been passed, and the person simply enjoys the opportunity to something absolutely exclusive. By the way, the first person who personalized Birkin was Jane Birkin!

To sort out the issue thoroughly, I decided to talk with Alisa Kovtunova, the creative director and author of the idea of ARTBURO.

And everything began with an idea. However, it isn't generally there from the earliest starting point: "The most fascinating works are obtained when the client and I find the exact story that ought to be reflected in the illustration. Something personal, peculiar to a customer ", says Alisa. As Christian Dior stated, “Beauty without originality not pleasing to the eye”. This is the originality that ARTBURO achieves in each work.

Only original bags are taken into the procedure, the authenticity of products is constantly checked and work with them in a precise way. At first, each bag is reestablished, at that point, the artist begins to work with it as indicated by the chosen concept. All paints used in execution are made in Italy specifically for ARTBURO. This ensures a perfect outcome: the image will resemble a subsequent skin, and there will be no issues with it. Also, this is significant, as unscrupulous rivals use cheap paint, which is washed off and fades at the first signs of rain or humidity, and the drawing does not lay as it should.

Such cheap work is always obvious and simple to distinguish from high quality merchandise.

After completing the illustration, Alisa by and by checks all the works of artists, if necessary, sends them for amendment and brings them to flawlessness. Then the bag is sent to the owner. ARTBURO provides a personal courier service. And the bag is delivered personally into the hands of its holder.

ARTBURO has been operating for five years. Have there been displeased customers over the years? Not a single one. And how many were satisfied? Can't be counted. It is even more challenging to calculate in which countries orders were made. The boom of such services is in China, however the quality leaves a lot to be desired. Numerous purchases from the Middle East, Europe and the United States. Of course, our “it-girls” did not sidestep this opportunity either, so Nadezhda Obolentseva, Stella Aminova, Anastasia and Tatiana Fuks, singer Kristina Orbakaite, Tatiana Kovylina, Irina Shayk, Angelika Ivanc, Alena Soboleva and Eva Samieva were noticed with the bags of ARTBURO. There are works in the portfolio (even bigger samples) – that paint the inside of a car, yacht and even an airplane.

To show uniqueness, the owner's handwriting is inscribed on the bag. Earlier, such works were done for their astonishment and shock value, now most customers make orders for their own selfish and hedonistic reasons. It's great when a customer has self-irony and a sense of humor. Such people are filled with life energy, and this is reflected in their completed work - it will invigorate them and others.

With such an inspirational idea, the production of handbags began in ARTBURO. In 2014, the Wintour bag was released, these women’s bag was modelled after the drawings of Leonardo da Vinci. It combines the great inventor’s legacy, modernity and character of the woman in whose honor it was named. Anna Wintour is the permanent editor of American Vogue, a legendary figure in the fashion world, and one of the most influential. Reflecting such a character and personality strength is quite tricky, but ARTBURO did it. The result of the work was an exquisite handbag, which is made exclusively on the client's request in classic black, white and red. The texture of the skin is picked by the client. The most intriguing point of interest is the handle, which is turned and covered with metal color at the request of the customer.

In general, personalization now is one of the freshest trends in fashion. With the development of globalization and mass production, people lose their individuality and style. And now even the price of goods is now not always a guarantee of uniqueness. Therefore, well-known brands, including Louis Vuitton, Dior, Hermes, often collaborate with renowned specialists who reinterpret classical forms in a modern way by personalizing them.

Now envision that you have the chance to turn into an artist yourself and create your own history – that is transform into that one in a million. A similar item, for instance, a bag of Hermes, Chanel, Dior will never exist again, it will only belong to you. You are only constrained by your imagination.

This is the answer to the question of how not to get lost in the world of indistinguishable trends, even the most expensive or exclusive ones. The question is how to find yourself and express your vision and how to become an artist and creator of something absolutely amazing and unique. Without a doubt, in each of us, there is that small inventive outbreak from which we draw a mind-blowing vitality to create something big and grand.

[serpent-energy]

The Time for Revolution; begins with a completely different approach (to Everything)

The definition given by the Oxford Dictionary for Perception is "the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses". Now how much of an impact does this concept of in taking information, much through the subconscious within which is constantly taking internalizing information in ways unable to be consciously recognized in in one's conscience. This plays a bigger role in how one grows to perceive the world. With many life changes and experiences along the timeline of one's life, the individual will process as much as one can possibly formulate, organize, and consciously utilize as tools for protection-- for we are living in a society that feeds us fear to comply, remain uninformed, and just walk on. It is really one's choice to believe most everything they are told and stick to it like a sickly codependent relationship between only one's self. What this does is perpetually and persistently isolates and, although an extreme word, truly alienates some people from the outer world of social interactions and spreading positivity and a helping hand to another who needs it. So, I think I'll begin around here.

I speak from my experience of course, so I will say a few words on the American government. A place I've seemed to stay dormant and waiting. Not sure for what…maybe the second coming of our Lord and Savior, though I'm not religious, instead I think, as I believe we all are, "Spiritual beings on a human journey". I like this because it doesn't separate, segregate or divide. As we are all one species, locations and different forms of faith should be understood, truly, simply, with maybe a little empathy: the why of it all. Simply the mere fact that cultural differences, many a time, can make the citizens of one nation view another nation of different customs alien, negatively foreign, and anything different that threatens one's ego and belief system, the different peoples view each other as odd and maybe living life wrong as to what they have learned life to be, and above all, there is this paradigm where nations view others as inferior. At least many. And it seems that our lovely, sympathetic government filled with only the best and honest politicians, I say sarcastically of course--only with plans and multiple blueprints and the beautiful love in their hearts to truly create a better world is astounding.  With corporations overhead pulling the strings in the past years specifically, while the bankers wait till they feel that hole inside once again and become maliciously reinvigorated to rake in the money, the money, the greatest: the Cash Money.

Nowadays we watch the blue tube, the awesome Television that brainwashes people into an ugly metamorphosis wherein it manipulates the citizens through commercials, for example,  telling you if you buy their product you will be the best, or at least better than you already are; that, if you wear some cologne like Polo, Ralph Lauren--or whatever really.. You'll go home and have the best lay of your life. Or if you're a woman, no better time than the present to go out and buy the absolutely to die for, perfect, super sexy bra and panties at no other than Victoria's Secret of course. And hey, maybe even they mysteriously seductive thong to ride up a woman's lower back a bit. That gets one going. Hey, if I could walk around naked all the time in the warmer weather I would. But that's a fantasy. Though I'd like to present another question to ponder.  How unintentional are these things? Really, in these cases, any form of intellect or sense of humor these types of women may have really seems to be  nothing more than just an extra bonus on top the physical.

It's all marketing and the illusion they present to us. Subliminally speaks the unheard words but obvious message. "Better is  more. And more is just better." Tell em' you're okay because you have all you need momentarily…they'' try to convince you that what you're doing is holding only yourself back from self-improvement, and the completely sensationalized lie of a line that states,  The pursuit of happiness is a human right. The fact is, as children we were born with infinite rights, and can really go as far as our imagination takes us, as well as our drive to manifest our best qualities we've learned about ourselves over the years.

Tyler Durden, a character in the book-made-movie Fight Club, at one point says, "Self improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction…" I like this quote and movie so much because what it does, within the many layers of the story, is promote a kind of spiritual growth by true the discovery of the self through hardships. Tyler also says, "It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything". Problem is, today,  we don't just want…we need. At least we were too-easily taught to believe. And of how crazily and irrationally we crave affirmation! The fear of loneliness, the turn to isolation, habitual to many for the nation is and has become even more of an intense race up this ladder of economic struggle and fortitude on all fronts towards holding onto the wonderful but brief moments of peacefulness, and gratitude.

My fellow reader, brother or sister, there's a lot goin' on here. Out there. Constantly. No doubt in that. So here's a question only moments ago I thought I'd pose for it seems like an appropriate time,

How curious of a person are you actually? Do you have a thirst for knowledge and crave truth?

Or do you hide in your shell like a hermit crab unable to walk forward though sometimes being blown back by the salty wind breaking through and over waves like stock market fluctuations and white-collared criminals smoking opium while on lunch break and sniffing speed before re-entering a sea of people that walk faster than hundreds of different sea creatures all trying to get on their merry way with much traffic and frustration. Can fish feel frustration, or do they just swim and float on? Sometimes I wish I could float on devoid of frustrations and the unnecessary anxiety that paralyzes me. Just your average American. I look in the mirror, shave occasionally, I like cologne when I have it, smoking cigarettes make your teeth yellow so I brush with whitening paste, Crest if you must know, and then I hope I don't look too weird and awkward and somewhat socially acceptable. Where does social anxiety stem from? Too much stimulus can make my spirit quiver inside with discomfort.  with graphs and useless numbers where men simply are playing games with money, making unfathomable profits off really creating nothing positive for the whole, or even a small portion of society.  Self-righteous, narrow-minded, greedy, men addicted to speed, and power. Sometimes going with the flow is a mistake and it took me a while to realize it. Because I see things.

Right now, from where I'm sitting and writing these words to be read by very possibly nobody at all,  I'm watching bodies just dragging pathetically, sadly; bodies filled with apathy, probably hoping to find a partner to save them from their boredom and feeling of loneliness that stays dormant and benign most of the time. But when it opens up, truly there's no other isolating feeling. The hole. The void. The gaping circle of emptiness-- it creeps up at  different times for different people. But it's always there. This is the main reason: everybody likes distractions.

Monotony. Oh monotony…it just breaks one spiritually over time till it's all you know. The wake up, the daily duties, sleep, and repeat, and whatever kind of joy one can experience and grasp and try and hold onto during their days is what keeps people going. The one burning feeling many Americans have inside, is that tomorrow may be a better day.  We lose our identities and as a result experience less and lose the drive and real hope that much different will come in the future. More of the same.

The definition for obligation given by Oxford Dictionary is "required by a legal, moral, or other rule; compulsory". Yet I ask, how are these laws produced and presented forth initially? Well, by politicians and the government of course. Sometimes in the name of religion, which is a great tool they have utilized convincing the public it is a complete Us vs Them situation and yet it is  undoubtedly the dirtiest of schemes to go over and bomb, ruin, just destroy hundreds to millions of lives. How positively does the United States really affect the world around us? The global planet we live in…

And the media's really become a joke. But it works, because it really gets the masses in a frenzy. Call it modern propaganda. Call it what you want. Very few answers, and much too many words. How much of what I write, or we as a species think on the daily, has already been thought, recorded, and recycled for that matter…. And how many times over?

Is to be genuine to one's self and original must they be a nonconformist and go against the grain? How many pills will they prescribe before we're definitely more than less, these synapses like snapping wires inside the head all connected allowing one to function as an average human being-- well we're changing our chemistry. We're altering our makeup. Western psychiatrys got us begging for a cure to the mundane like a junkie to a bad dealer. Here's a fun Snapple fact: America was bought and sold a long time ago. So find your way and just let the rest go grey.

But first let's talk television! The magnificent, blue glowing screen that tells us who we should be, manipulating wants for needs, materialism bleeds and corporations way across seas smile at their sneaky ways of maintaining modern day slavery-- and all the commercials on the tube brainwashing the youth, but drudgingly seducing all ages into the warm waters of consumerism.  TV! Though I don't think we'll ever change the channel and switch lenses for this fictitious concept of time to wash away regrettable lines. Most all the information, the talking in circles, their eyes wide combatting lies with more lies, for the good of the people is not the good of the government. All politicians are generally the same. Always reaching for more power, while quietly working to benefit those already extremely wealthy, corporations, and the banks. Even churches don't pay taxes…you ever ponder that? The television is really better off smashed till the screen shatters to make the floor bleed a dark red kind of static. For nowadays, Americans come to view what is said and told to them by their trusted News Channels and commercials for anti-depressants with a never ending list of horrifying side-effects and another for erectile dysfunction. What audience are these people targeting anyway? So it's  really no reach to say, the man or woman speaking on the TV screen, informing viewers of their either perceived to be important news, or simply news they were ordered to report-- and Americans watch and listen, sometimes flipping from one news station to another, nodding out, a couch potato, but eyes still wide watching Steve Harvey smile too much. People look to the Screen as they once looked to icons such as Christ, Dr. King, Ghandi, and others. Television is the public's new age religion.

So if people do rely on television and social media for intellectual growth and awareness of the world around them, then it's time to exit through the backdoor. A dirty dive bar anyway entitled simply the Who Cares Pub in some city no one pays mind to. And Americans especially know very little of the world outside their large bubble of a nation that goes to great lengths in order to keep us occupied. New iPhones out around twice a year now which have become a commodity through conformity and unaware of how much anguish and suicidal pain has gone into making such a self-absorbing contraption. The few news channels on TV all sound the same to me now. Whether the much criticized and at times comically taking jabs at them, not much is ever really being said. These reporters and interviewers ask questions that are either unimportant answered by someone hired to lie and manipulate and make seem like things are, or will be going splendid in no time. Sincere appealing lies and a couple smiles here and there can get a country going. That's when many start looking away and continue driving their suburban's and SUVS while most simultaneously knowing we're screwing up our environment, ozone layers, and it’s more than evident in the rapid fluctuation in temperatures as of the past few years.  viewing from the end of the world. Over seas….as far as the eyes can see, but much, so much further.

Our imperialistic roots and the overwhelmingly manipulative and forceful means we impose onto other countries; it seems raising the flames on the already troublesome spreading fire is unwise, but how often does wisdom interact and convince men intoxicatingly diabolic, whom have reached a level of astounding deception, Where is the line drawn? Have we ever even had one? If we are we're playing jump rope over it and quickly back on outside and it's pissing a lot of people off. But one has to remember, this has been going on since almost the beginning of time. It's one's choice, which takes a lot of strength and discipline, to see through it all, and play your own game which one can only hope brings success and some form of pride inside. This happens all over the globe. This has a lot to do with the government and how start wars. Every major war in the past two centuries have followed a simple blueprint; it is called the Hegelian Dialectic.

Alright. Switch it up. Something pertaining to the psychological. Depression. Depression vibrates at a low frequency and causes irrational thoughts. A fascinatingly complex phenomena we still only know so much about. Mental illness's. The first principle in Buddhism is 'Life is suffering'. If one were to really learn this and have it engrained into their minds and spirits at an early age, then reality is seen with eyes of understanding, with the quest to find peace in a state of clarity and understanding and patience.   have materialism and consumerism to thank for it. And some people do live this way. I'd see many couples in New York City, the Big Apple, while I lived there for some time, I'd see endless window shoppers and then these lovers would walk in these overpriced, shops with little color to give it that modern, upscale look, which I'll never understand…the point is, the infatuation with material things, and buying and buying all this excess junk one will more than likely get rid of or throw it away, or just simply hang in your closet, to look at, and maybe even regret the purchase and wonder why they even wanted it….

Consumers is what Americans are. The result of a monetary system that feeds off the fact that humans crave stimulus in one form or another. The pursuit of happiness, right? Now it's video games where kids are shooting and killing, have a blast with it, and some of these people find themselves lost in isolation spinning around in a world that doesn't exist. Why? Escape is not only easier nowadays and keeps the majority uninformed about the realities of what's not only going on inside our own damn country and maybe paying a little more time tending to that, and maybe more often televise and report happenings going on daily around the world. This country was bought and sold a long time ago. The bubble this government keeps us in, to maintain our ignorance, uninformed nature, and we're voting for people you wouldn't even want to share a beer with, because maybe, as George Carlin once said, "Where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall from the sky…they don't pass through another membrane from another reality….They come from American parents, American schools, American Universities, this is what we have to offer folks. Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish ignorant citizens, you're gonna end up with selfish ignorant leaders".

And I haven't been here that long, but it's not too hard to notice, something is very  wrong.

It really isn't anyone else's choice but your own, in where you wish to go, and what you long to experience. Forget a bucket list. For we're all dying, baby. Some slow, and some quicker than others. Some transparently, and some so very obviously. So before you take your final bow and so very briefly say goodbye to the harsh world you survived as long as you did, remember…Remember what it was like to feel alive. The look in your lover's eyes before a passionate kiss and the smile returned after…the salty ocean breeze blowing every which way on your skin providing warmth and joy. The brothers and sisters you made along your adventures on this planet. What you've learned, and please disregard regret. If you were to practice conjuring this hypothetical happening in your mind, it won't merely prepare you for your deathbed, but bring a sense of encouragement, motivation, and inspiration to see the good, and learn to deal with the bad.

A grain of salt. A needle in the haystack. And a Humpty Dumpty that never fell. The American Heaven, with an underlying Hell.

[yeozus]

✞ LET GO.  (  SELF PARA!  )

WARNING! this contains quite a few possible triggers! please do not read if you are sensitive or queasy. otherwise, please proceed & thank you for taking the time to give this a read! this story takes place in incheon, south korea during january of 2005. 

               ❛   hey, hunter.  ❜

                a petite frame stirs almost immediately, though the movement is barely detectable beneath the aggregation of thick blankets - what is his illusion of a temporary safe haven. the pale lighting spilling into the tiny bedroom implies that the metamorphosis between night and morning has already taken place, and as hunter's eyes finally open, his bedroom window displays the telltale image of dark, nebulous cobalt graduating to the soft steely gray of early morning. without so much as glancing toward his alarm clock  ( which in this state of mind, would appear as nothing more than thick, red blocks with a colon in between,  ) he already knows of the hour - for sang-in has consistently woken him up just after 6am for the past five days. hunter hasn't thought to ask of this new habit, and he doesn't complain, either.

                at first, he'd been annoyed at the lack of rest this unspoken schedule imposes on him - nights at the club are unpredictable and can last anywhere from 2am to 4am. but, hunter realizes that he must be at his day job by 8am, anyway - and usually only finds a few hours in between to rest before heading straight to his evening job. waking up this early gives him time to collect himself and mentally prepare for the day ahead - though he's never been a morning person at all, he's willing to make the sacrifice for sang-in.

                he makes a lot of sacrifices for sang-in.

                ❛  i know, i know ... ❜  the seventeen year old mumbles in delayed response, a closed fist raising from beneath the blankets to rub the fatigue from his eyes. all that can be seen from his self-constructed chrysalis is just above his jaw, and as he sleeps facing the wall, sang-in's only view of the boy is a wild tuft of pink hair.

                hunter shifts unceremoniously, reluctantly throwing his covers up and out of the way so he can crawl down from his bed. he and sang-in used to share this room, roughly a year ago - but it became evident that the much older male could not handle being in the same room as hunter. many awkward, uncomfortable instances passed before the younger male took the initiative to force his roommate to sleep on the couch … a measure he hadn't wanted to take, but he grew rather tired of having to slap away wandering hands or move himself to another room when the elder's advances became too much.

                but he can't be mad at sang-in. he needs help - and at this point in time, hunter is the only help available to him.

                ❛  do you want any breakfast? it's nothing fancy, but there's some eggs and bacon downstairs. it's still hot.  ❜  

                sleepy, golden eyes look toward his roommate in surprise. usually, hunter would do all the cooking and keeping house - atop of working two jobs and trying to complete his high school education in the summer. but it's january now, so he doesn't have to concern about that. it's his final year, anyway - by september of this year, he'll graduate.  ❛  you cooked?❜  he asks the obvious, though out of utter disbelief,  ❛  sang, y'didn't have to. ya'no i don't mind ...❜

                ❛  you do everything around here,❜  sang-in sighs, placing his hand delicately atop hunter's bare thigh. the younger flinches at the touch, swatting the hand away immediately. he's let him do that too many times. it's lead to things he'd rather not relive.

                ❛  i gotta,❜  hunter reminds him, climbing down the wooden ladder to the floor, hugging his arms around his bare chest,  ❛  you got fired, an' no one's gonna hire you until you get clean. it's a lotta work, yeah, but i do it 'cause i know i have to.  ❜  

                sang-in sighs, slipping his hands into the pockets of his sleep pants. hunter is right – he's a 35 year old addict, no college education, barely scraped by in high school … he won't admit it to himself, but he's using this softhearted boy to keep him alive. he manipulates him - the only thing hunter is unwilling to give him is sex, but he knows why. sang-in is the one who recommended him to that club, the reason he has that job in every way … he's torn down this child's future to spare whatever is left of his own. the least he could do is make him some goddamn breakfast.

                ❛  i'm headin' out,❜  sang-in finally says after a silent moment, bloodshot eyes glancing at hunter as the older man starts to scratch at his neck,  ❛  got anything for me ?❜  

                hunter nods, and sang-in knew he would. he watches that lithe form climb back up to the top bunk, and the high shelves where a few of hunter's necessities lay neatly arranged to prevent them from falling or being lost. he grasps a black book, a latin cross imprinted on the front cover. opening it, he retrieves two hundred fifty thousand won and crawls to the edge of the bunk, placing it in the other's outstretched hand.  ❛  please make this last the week. it's all i can afford to give you - i still have to pay the electric bill, an' buy us some fuckin' food.  ❜

                sang-in nods in comprehension. hunter knows he'll be asking again by wednesday.

                he crawls down again, listening as sang-in shuffles through the apartment, and slams the front door behind him.

                time to get ready for the day.

                the pink-haired boy rushes around the corner, knowing he'll be late if he so much as stops to breathe. he'd fallen asleep upon coming home from his shift at the coffee shop, and he'd been so tired that he'd slept through both of his alarms. he hadn't even had time to find his counterfeit id, whatever coat pocket he'd left it in - but hardly ever does he need to use it. his boss takes care of everything for him.

                he stumbles in through the back door, every lost breath caught in his throat as he finally takes a moment to stop and collect himself. minhyuk and nikyong, the bouncers, collectively raise an eyebrow as he practically flings himself in after unlocking the door.

                ❛  hey, kid - you alright ? you look even more shook up than usual,❜  nikyong remarks, approaching hunter and studying his weary countenance.

                ❛  i'm fine,❜  hunter says too quickly, starting to remove is jacket and hang it on an unoccupied hook. the neon blacklights of the club's backstage bathe his skin a bright pink hue, more intense than his hair. another setback had been the time it had taken to get his roots bleached and colored, for if his boss so much as saw a trace of his natural color showing through, there would be hell to pay. he has an image to uphold, an image that brings in  MONEY. hunter wheezes out the second part of his reply, clearing his throat to appear more stable after running five blocks without a break,  ❛  i was just runnin' a lil' late, 's all.  ❜

                minhyuk breathes a worried sigh,  ❛  be careful, kid. you still lookin' for another job ?  ❜

                ❛  i haven't found anythin', ❜  hunter comments, running anxious hands through his hair,  ❛  no one needs some seventeen year old kid on deck. i was lucky enough to get this one ... ❜   LUCKY is an interesting choice of word for this circumstance … but the single thought of sang-in pushes him forward.  ❛  i have someone i needa take care of. look, guys, i gotta get ready to go onstage. i'll catch up with you over a cigarette or somethin'.❜  

              with that, the youngblood slides into his shared dressing room, finding that sweetae was already there, applying the last of her makeup. she glaces at him and smiles, an oddly warm smile for a woman as sad as she.

                ❛  hey, attilayah - i was starting to think something happened to you,❜  she murmurs, voice soft as she spins in the vanity chair,  ❛  you're never late.  ❜

                ❛  it's a long ass story,❜  hunter sighs, shifting positions with the older woman as she stands and he takes the seat on the cushioned stool. without question, she starts to brush his hair back to help him with his face.

                ❛  well, i'm glad you're here. the other girls and i would have been mighty lonely without you.  ❜

                hunter often forgets that he is the only boy on staff - yet somehow, the main event every night. men and women alike came to see him dance, hoped to get a private session with him - but the club's owner never allowed hunter to do private sessions, for fear that his real age may become apparent upon closer inspection. and always was hunter grateful for that … but since he'd undergone those  PROCEDURES to look older, his employer seemed to be more lenient with a lot of policies. hopefully, he wouldn't bend on this rule.

                ❛  have ya seen eunbin today ?❜  he speaks his boss's name like a plague, and sweetae only shakes her head.  

                ❛  no, but he's here. i saw his car when i came in. i don't know what the hell he's doing but, i'm not all that concerned about it.  ❜

                no one really was.

                by the time makeup and costuming work had been complete, hunter was hardly recognizable. bright yellow and hot pink makeup decorated his eyes, as well as bright silver rhinestones and thick, black liner. his lips were painted a petal pink and adorned in red gloss, and long, bulky lashes extended from either of his eyes. his hair had been flat ironed and styled so that one eye is partially shrouded behind the flirty pink tresses, and a gold, ornately designed ring had been pierced into his septum, replacing the standard silver one he'd come in with. his outfit was no more than a cluster of jewels and fishnets, though hardly did it matter, for everything but the shoes and thong would be removed by the end of his dance.

                long, slender legs balance seemingly effortlessly on the monstrous heels he's been given, as he's been working here nearly a year, he's gotten used to moving and dancing in such  RIDICULOUS shoes. his build is slim and toned, though a bit too thin in some places, due to his lack of eating. but it isn't as though it mattered, nor anyone cared - so long as he had a nice ass and was pretty to look at, he'd have enough money to make it through the next few months. he's talked of finding another job to replace this one, but, no options have been made apparent. as uncomfortable and anxious as being a stripper makes him, as long as he can hide it before the stage lights go out, he'll be successful.

              ❛  yeo !  ❜

              that strict voice startles him to the point where he nearly drops the earring he'd been trying to put in. golden hues lock on the aged, familiar face - an entire dimension of discomfort passing through his body, all at once. most referred to him by his stripper name between the wall of this godforsaken establishment, but one man never did.

                kwon eunbin, his boss.

                ❛  i heard you were late today,❜  his beady eyes pierce through the young man's soul – but hunter is far from afraid of him. though the man makes him extremely uncomfortable, he prides himself on the fact that he's perhaps the only dancer here who isn't scared of this soulless demon – though in unison with the rest of the cast, he depends on him. he must show him respect, or he'll be out a job that he knows he  NEEDS.  ❛  thought you could just slip in under my nose, did you ?❜

                ❛  i'm sorry, sir,  ❜  hunter mumbles, though he does not break eye contact. his fists are clenched, as is his jaw - though his shoulders are relatively relaxed, for such tension as he feels.  ❛  it won't happen again.  ❜

                ❛  you're damned right, it won't,❜  the man of middle age echoes,  ❛  if it does, you and i will have to have a lil'  CHAT. time is money. don't fuck with either of those.  ❜

                ❛  yes, sajangnim.  ❜  he can feel the other dancers' eyes on him - the fury burning for eunbin enough to scourge the back of his neck,  ❛  i won't be late again. you have my word.  ❜

                ❛  now, before i let you go out, there's an executive decision that i've made.  ❜

                hunter swallows thick in his throat. his eyes stare blankly ahead, lips pursing as he absolutely  HATES when eunbin says that - for it usually translates to the fact he's made some selfish decision that will negatively impact the masses of his employees. he hardly thinks of them as more than whorish pawns that he can play to his profit … and while it's wrong, no one can stop him. if they do, they'll starve.

                ❛  since you've gone through with the surgery, and you look  SO MUCH BETTER, might i add,  ❜  which translates to  SO MUCH OLDER, which is just what eunbin had wanted in  FORCING hunter to undergo the cosmetic procedures he had,  ❛  i feel much safer letting you do private sessions. we'll say … one to two a night ? i'll let you decide on that one. i feel generous enough,❜  

                hunter's shoulders tighten, then. his eyes fill with anger, averting to gaze at the wall to his right rather that have to see that  EVIL face he  HATES so much.

                ❛  so long as you're doing at least one a night, the club will benefit. and so will  YOU,❜  he extends his hand and tightly grasps hunter's jaw -still sore and healing from the reshaping it had undergone. what results is a  HISS, and hunter almost bares his teeth in result to the unwelcomed touch - but by the last minute, he'd managed enough hold on his composure not to make such a dire mistake.

                ❛  yes … sajangnim.  ❜

                ❛  good,❜  eunbin maliciously coos, finally removing his hand from that  PRETTY, PRETTY face,  ❛  now, it seems as though it's about that time. ladies, prep the stage for yeo. he's got a big night tonight.  ❜  again, he turns to the youngblood, a falsely sweet smile placed across his chapped lips,  ❛  and, don't look so sad. it's not sexy.  ❜

                that seductive facade employed, the crowed simply devoured him, as per usual. down to the very last bit of clothing, which he teased halfway down his hips before giving a wink to a very lucky lady and sauntering offstage - he couldn't miss a beat. he was burning fire, he was everything they came to see and more. and he  HATED every second of it.

                admittedly, though, not  EVERY second. there was something exhilarating about the way the crowd screamed his name  ( the throwing of money was a little degrading, but, nonetheless he needs it,) the way they so openly and unabashedly adored him. even if it was just for his body, he could pretend like it wasn't.

                the short trek from the safety of his onstage illusion to the hellish reality that awaits him behind a thick, black curtain certainly isn't long enough for him to get his thoughts together. all he's wearing at this point are, as promised, skimpy lace underwear and 7 inch heels, with pink and blue flashing lights embedded in the soles. a biting chill runs down his spine as he doesn't even have the time to visit his dressing room before he's bombarded by eunbin, and a man that looks to be about his age.

                immediately, hunter slips his stage mask back on - expression going from a deer in headlights to some mythical creature that elicited seduction with its every move. lids hang low over his eyes and golden eyes peer through thick lashes - that mixture of sin and innocence his trademark, the very aspect that puts him at center stage every night.

                eunbin appears pleased with this shift, as does the suited stranger.  ❛  ATTILA,  ❜  begins the club's owner,  ❛  this is the man who paid  MOST GENEROUSLY for your company tonight.  ❜

                hunter only takes a moment to study the look of the salt-and-pepper haired man - dressed in a tom ford suit and expensive looking shoes. what odd attire to come to a strip club in, but he doesn't particularly care about his character - as he's  CERTAIN  such sentiments are reciprocated. he just wants to get this over with.

                ❛  well, it's nice t' meet you,❜  he says in a honeyed voice, low and fluctuating in tones for a harmonious effect. his lashes flutter invitingly despite the fact that he wants to vomit.  ❛  i'm flattered you'd put up so much money just for me. makes me feel real …❜  SICK, ❛  special.  ❜

                hunter can tell the man is looking his body up and down like a piece of meat. but how else would such a lustful character regard something made for nothing more than his pleasures ? hunter would much rather do this with a woman - it may be an unnecessary bias, but he feels as though a female would be less likely to tear him apart like this man looks to be a  SHARK in a fancy suit. the wolf exhales shakily, almost breaking character - though under eunbin's scrutiny, he manages to play it off as a playfully flirty sigh.

                despite his gorgeous ensemble, and the ferarri car keys jingling in his hand … something about this man is  UGLY. aside from the lone fact that he must be old enough to be hunter's father.

                ❛  you are special,  JAGIYA.❜  that sickeningly sweet tone goes right to hunter's stomach, and though he responds with a rehearsed giggle, the urge to tear out this man's throat steadily rises in him. though he's promised to himself he'd never kill a human unless they  REALLY DESERVE IT … and all this man is guilty of is being a pawn to societal lust.  ❛  now, come with me. we've wasted enough time standing here, right ?  ❜

                NO, hunter wants to say. but he gives a charming eye-smile and takes the man's hand, swallowing down the urge to scream. hopefully minhyuk and nikyong would look out for him in case hunter's previous assessment of this nameless man proves to be true, and he gets some  BRIGHT IDEAS in favor of not following the rules of a private session. the most emboldened of these regulations also the most violated: NO TOUCHING. hunter could not count how many times the cast would complain about wandering hands - maybe he'll get lucky, though. maybe this man knows better.

              wrong.

              as soon as the door closes behind them, hunter making to pivot sensually and use the mirror on the back of the threshold to his advantage, he's met with a very unpleasant look in the other man's eye. pure CARNAGE, and as a wolf, he can recognize it. but no - that glower is all human. all despicably human.

                but he hasn't touched him. that's a good sign - so hunter keeps going.  ❛  now,  OPPA, what 's it that you want, hm ~?  ❜  he bites back the urge to call him  AJUSSHI, hiding his scorn behind that pretty smile and hypnotic body. his skin is milky and soft-looking, even the protrusions of his hip- and collarbones look like gentle, pretty slopes. it's amazing how good of an actor he can be in this instance - in actually, all he's  WILLING to do is maybe spit on this man.

                but sang-in needs him.

                ❛  you're so pretty.  ❜  the man says, drawing closer. to avoid being backed against the door, hunter shifts his back and increases his proximity to the loveseat in the corner of the private room. this doesn't stop the nameless man, however, and in defiance of his feral instincts - for the  SAKE of both himself and this human before him, he swallows down every urge he gets to defend himself against a larger predator. wolves are aggressive and relentless when threatened, and though hunter's blood has come to boil, he tries to keep up his act to distract himself. his smile never falters.

                ❛  sit down, oppa.  ❜  hunter entices,❛  and i'll show ya just how pretty i am.  ❜

                the man does what is instructed of him, and hunter coordinates in his brain exactly how he will do this to preserve the fraying ropes of his sanity, keeping him from breaking. he doesn't have a lot of time, so he moves quickly, raising one of his legs onto the cushion of the loveseat, boxing his one-man audience in with his body. he makes an effort not to make any contact with him, however - aside from that flirtatious stare.

                ❛  you have such nice clothes …❜  hunter coos, licking his lips faux-innocently,  ❛  i would hate to mess them up.  ❜

                ❛  don't worry about that,  ❜  the man releases him of any worry he may have had about that, though hunter hardly even hears what he says,❛  there's plenty more just like them.  ❜

                how did a rich man stumble into  THIS part of incheon ?  hunter muses, he must have some sort of business here … some career stepping on the heads of the poor to markup his own value. again, that sickness in his stomach makes itself known, but every time it worsens, he just smiles more.  ❛  that so ?   ❜

                hunter gets tired of talking to him, and the man must have seen no value in this exchange, either, for he seems more focused on the way hunter's body moves. what a predictable and simple-minded person. biting back his disgust, hunter grinds down onto him - doing as best he could to ignore the erection prodding him - what a  PIG, and oh, how the wolf wishes to devour him … in a way far different from how the older man must be envisioning himself doing to hunter.

                though it isn't long after such a hostility is conceived that the wolf feels a tight  GRIP at his hips, pushing him further down into the man's lap.

                NO.

                ❛  let go.  ❜  hunter doesn't hesitate to command, trying to slap the hands away and dropping his act almost instantaneously. the man does not let him go, however, and hunter nearly GROWLS  as he orders him again.  ❛  i said  LET GO. you aren't allowed to touch me.  ❜

                ❛ calm down, jagiya,  ❜  panic is rising at the same rate as anger in hunter's blood, the use of that pet name causing him to nearly snap then and there.  ❛  i just want to make this more  FUN, for the both of us.  ❜

                ❛  then try a prostitute,  ❜  hunter says coldly,  his disgust now  EVIDENT.   ❛  i'm not a whore. you can't buy me that way. take your fuckin' hands off me.  ❜  he starts to raise his voice, hoping that either nikyong or minhyuk will hear him and come to his aid. he looks toward the door. nothing.

                his jaw is grasped for the second time today, and he's forced to look into those  UGLY  eyes. it reminds him of something he's seen before, but his recollection is hazy. but just that glare makes the scars down his lower back tingle  - his body remembering what his mind cannot. withholding his true strength, he tries one final time.

                ❛  let. go.  ❜

                ❛  i don't think so, honey. stop acting like this isn't something you want - or keep it up, rather. i like it.  ❜

                violently,  hunter smacks his hand away from his face and tries to squirm out of the iron grip digging into his hip –where he's certain bruises are forming now. he gets halfway off the man's lap before his thighs are grasped and he's pulled back, hunter's face now locked with  AGGRESSION  as their eyes again meet. the man reaches to pull down his underwear, and that is the final straw. hunter's hold breaks, and he raises a clawed hand, striking the man across the face.

                it happens so quickly;  blood stains the floor in a crimson flash, hunter able to  HEAR  the massive droplets hitting the floor and creating thick pools. the man cries out, his left eye socket  POURING BLOOD  as its rightful eye is loose from the thin veins connecting it to his brain. hunter jumps off of him, losing his footing as his legs give out and he falls onto the bloodstained floor, his clawed hand soaked in the man's sanguine, and thin patches of torn flesh.

                claw marks from his middle, index, and ring finger are glittering red, the imprints deep into the man's aged flesh as he shouts again, swearing out of utter  PAIN. he's still bleeding - blood is everywhere. the couch, the floor, all over both of them - hunter comes to his senses all at once and realizes what he's just done. his eyes widen and his whole body quivers … the man is still alive, but for how long ?

                at least he said not to worry about the suit.

                the essence of imperfect timing, minhyuk and nikyong burst into the room, the door nearly flying off its hinges.  ❛  KID, are you okay ? we heard screaming -  ❜  minhyuk stops mid-sentence as he takes in the scene. nikyong covers his mouth.

                hunter looks at both of them, eyes as wide as they possibly could be, 'twas a wonder how they did not simply roll out of their sockets. no one says anything,  the man's cries of agony are enough sound to fill the room. the victim looks up, left eye disconnected completely from the nerve adhering it to his brain, socket completely void of anything but the blood spurting out of it. his face is utterly destroyed, his mouth torn and the bone of his nose exposed by the ripped flesh.

                ❛  what the  FUCK  happened here -?  ❜

                the next hunter realizes that he is alive,  that his conscious is working and that he, indeed, witnesses his own existence -  he is wrapped in a blanket, nikyong and minhyuk, as well as most of the cast crowded around him. eunbin is pacing, and when he notices that hunter is awake, he all but  SNAPS.

                ❛  you little  ANIMAL,  ❜  he shouts, startling nearly everyone in the room. the two bouncers are on either side of him, seemingly protectively, and hunter nearly falls from his seat, the sudden shout startles him so.

                ❛   sajangnim, please -  ❜  sweetae speaks up, her tiny voice nothing compared to the way eunbin's bellows throughout the room,  ❛  attilayah was just trying to defend himself - the man broke the rules, and was trying to hurt him -  ❜

                ❛ RAPE HIM,  from what i saw,  ❜  nikyong cuts in, preventing the owner from yelling at the one who'd spoken up,  as he looked like he was about to,  ❛  the kid's underwear were down below his ass, and he was covered in bruises. cut him some slack - he did what he had to do. ❜

                hunter cannot find words to speak toward his own defense, so he is grateful that the other employees do it for him. eunbin, however, stares knives into the boy's eyes - and even through this state, hunter does not back down from him.

                ❛   that guy died on  OUR  property. how are we going to explain this to the police ? to anyone ? we'll get shut down for sure. i'll go broke.  ❜

                no one seems to be surprised that all eunbin can think about is money, despite all that's happened. hunter finally finds the strength to say something, though the scene plays over and over again in his mind - though he's been cleaned and taken care of, he can still feel that ripping flesh beneath his now-retracted nails. thankfully, no one seems to outwardly question just  HOW  he's clawed half a man's face off … though it seems as though he bled to death.  ❛  i'll … i'll plead self defense. that'll get you off the hook, won't it ?  ❜

                ❛  YEO, no matter how  GORGEOUS  that skimpy lil' body of yours is, people aren't gonna come to a club where some guy was  KILLED.  we have no choice. we have to hide the body. unless you all want to be out of a job, it's the only choice we got. he'll go missing for a while, but no one's even gonna remember him in a few months. it'll be fine. we'll be okay.  ❜

                hunter sits where he is, frozen, as everyone else rushes to complete the task. some horror is present in all of their eyes,  but desperate times do call for equally  DESPERATE measures.

                ❛  kid, you go home.  ❜  nikyong says, just as he's about to leave the room.  ❛  you been through enough tonight. go get some rest. ❜  and without another word, he's gone.

                hunter closes his eyes, though briefly opens them to try to decipher the face of the clock on the wall. 4.30am. he'd better get home.

                sang-in will still wake him up at 6.

[takerfoxx]

“Fires of the Sun: Epilogue” Thoughts

All right, let’s wrap this up.

Okay, starting things off with Yukari's scene, her bits with Byakuren and the remaining SDM crew are pretty self-explanatory and don't require a whole lot of commentary. I am going to say that I actually have no idea where Sakuya's character development is going to take her, save that this sort of quiet, reserved, no fucks given madness thing she has going on right now is…sort of intriguing. She's gone beyond rage, beyond grief, beyond hate, and is, at that moment, more dangerous than she's ever been. And though I haven't planned where it's going to take her just yet, I am interested in finding out.

Bringing Koakuma back was always a given, though the manner went through some changes. Originally I had planned for Shinki to be the one to receive the request and have her reject it out of hand because of rules or some such, only for Yukari to show an uncharacteristic amount of kindness and snap at her, causing Shinki to relent. However, some last minute changes in the previous chapter meant that Shinki was no longer available, so that scene unfortunately had to go. I also was thinking of having Koakuma still be wearing her Serpentine Marauder uniform upon being summoned back. Theor natural consequence of that would of course have Yukari recognize it, draw some unfortunate conclusions, and immediately start interrogating the poor little devil. Honestly that would have been the better choice, as it opens up numerous plot and character opportunities, but at the time I was tired and didn't want to expand things any more than they already were, so I just had her show up naked like a proper summoned succubus and left it at that. The poor girl was already having a rough day anyway.

The final bit with Satori and co. gave me some issues. At that point, I was growing concerned about the runtime of Yukari's scene, especially when compared to the later ones, and felt that her having a third encounter would make it a little tedious, and considered giving it its own section. However, that disrupted the flow of how these loose end scenes were being set up, and everyone was already there anyway, so screw it. Fortunately, in reading it over, it wasn't as bad as I feared, so that worked out. Also, originally I was just going to have her yank Jun and Utsuho over in a couple of sentences, but given what Utsuho had been through, she deserved a little more. However, her scene with Jun was in danger of running too long, as they started to have a serious discussion of their relationship thus far and Jun's bullying of her, and while that would have been interesting, the focus at that moment needed to be on Satori's return, so it was trimmed. But in doing so, it seems a little abrupt and out of place, so perhaps that wasn't a fantastic idea after all.

As for Satori herself, she should thank her lucky stars that her original plotline got scrapped. It was a little awkward dividing her time between her affectionate pets and talking to Yukari. I still get a kick out of her mind-reading answering all of her question instantaneously, and am very glad that that's back. I did have to use my mental wayback machine to recall everything that she wouldn't know as well as everything she should know and remind myself that she did get a good look at Yuuka's true form. Also, I don't care how much he's slipped out of relevancy. Soulja Boy will always remain a form of torture.

The scene from Yuuka's POV (or what's left of her) was short, but worked very well. I'm not really one for flowery, poetic language. Slightly sarcastic and to the point is more my style. But I did try to slow things down and get a little verbose when trying to describe Yuuka's condition. After all, Mima's lovely speech to her was only going to be a few paragraphs, and I really wanted to drive home just how unbelievably broken she was. I mean, the burns are one thing, but Yuuka is have now officially fallen off the crazy tree and hit every branch along the way. Funny thing about her fourth wall breaking thing: originally, it was done simply to set up some gags in the future, have her interrupt the author's notes and stuff like that. But the execution proved to be even bigger than I had expected, and once it was there and started to get a lot of attention, I realized that now I had gone through with it, I needed to take it seriously. Having her be a Deadpool sort of character cracking postmodern, self-referential jokes wasn't going to do it. And going the full Stephen King route of having her break into our world and kill me or something like that would be too honky.

So instead of just making it be a silly thing or drive her to do something way over the top, I decided to let that one peek she got be the whole plotline. That was all she was ever going to see. There wasn't going to be any cutting into other Gensokyos, no entering our world, no including me as a character, outside of those talking directly to the audience bits. She was just going to get a quick look, long enough to realize what was going on, and have it bring everything crashing down on her. Her status as a fictional character was going to literally drive her nuts, cause her to question everything, have an existential crisis, and essentially drive her mad, which is pretty ironic, considering what she is. She would try to deal, become obsessed with storytelling conventions, and over time delude herself into believing that she was the main character. And as such, Yidhra the Outer God, a being beyond comprehension who would literally drive lesser mortals insane by her mere existence, was in turn driven mad herself by something she couldn't understand. Karma, baby.

Reimu's scene was to establish how tense the whole battle would have been to something unable to participate. She, Reisen, and Remilia filled the roles of worried loved ones stuck at home, desperately waiting for any sort of news. And as is my wont, that news was delivered in the silliest manner possible. Y'know, the whole Tengu newspaper business has a lot of fun possibilities. I've been frequently annoyed by clickbait sites like Knowable and whatnot as of late and how irritating their set-up is that I realized how much the Tengu would love such a set-up. Steal other people's stories, compile them under a huge, annoyingly attention grabbing title, and then cut them up in the most irritating way possible to squeeze every cent out of advertisers. And you ever notice that when they say stuff like, "Number three is shocking!", the actual number three doesn't really stand out all that much from the others?

Though that aside, you really have to feel for Remilia here. Her whole humble pie arc was intended to break her down from being a smug snake and make her a more sympathetic character, but damn did it go far. As for Reimu, I'm not too sure where her story is going to go from here. I mean, I know what part she'll be playing during the big climatic scenes in the future, but as for how she'll handle the news of Mima's heel turn or anything involving Rin Satsuki or her friends or whatever, I have no idea. Will she stay at the shrine or will Yukari end up moving her somewhere safer? Will Alice get to teach her magic or not? What is she going to do with her time until the shit hits the fan again? I just don't know yet, but I look forward to finding out.

On a side note, I did plan a cutaway to Alice and Shanghai, but realized that I didn't have anything for them to do that would add to the chapter, so it got cut. We can always catch up with them later.

And then we get to Rin's scene. This one was a big hodgepodge of points I needed to hit and trying to weave them all together. Okay, Flandre had to acknowledge the trauma of losing her old friends, check. Some banter with Rumia, check. Seija got knocked out again so she doesn't ruin the scene, check. Daiyousei's still got her snowglobe because the hell I'm gonna let it get left behind, check. Kogasa's still crushing on Wriggle, check. Doremy gets a proper introduction (and finally an accurate description of her tail) and helps Rumia sleep while making Rin jealous, check. And all the kids had to finally get named as well. I already knew that Kogasa, Doremy, Sekibanki, Kurumi, Seija, and I guess Sara would be among them. As for the rest, I had already discarded Clownpiece (too strong), the Prismrivers (unlikely to be there), anyone not a loli for…obvious reasons, or anyone part of any specific cast herd. I briefly considered Ringo, but didn't really feel like it. I did scour the remaining PC-98 characters, so that's why there were so many demons. Hey, Yuuka's been to Makai before. To fill in the remaining slots, we had Rengeteki as the obligatory fairy and the glasses-wearing Kappa from the Kappa mob. I almost added one of the nameless PC-98 midbosses, but decided to go for the Kappa instead.

And on aside, Doremy's introductory scene was a hoot. I'm not a huge fan of the newer characters, but she was a lot of fun. She and Cirno are going to get along just fine.

Then we get to the final bit, where Rin discovers the bodies of her parents (and yes, that's what they were, everyone already knows it so I'm not spoiling anything). No real behind the scenes thing with that. It just felt like an appropriate way to wrap up her arc before the hiatus, having her return to the place where her story began and finally get some closure with her origins, even if she hasn't figured out who they were.

In regards to lady Meika, again I can't really talk about who she is and how she's connected to the plot, save that she is something that several characters' individual plotlines are building up to, and her bits take place long after Imperfect Metamorphosis's finale. I did drop several hints though, a few of which have already been picked up on. Not all though.

And then, at last we cut back to Hina, who's been conspicuously missing ever since the Shadow Youkai got sucked out of Rin. That was deliberate, as I wanted her scene to be a surprise, as a final, dark reminder that Rumia Yagami isn't gone for good just yet. Anyway, remember how I mentioned being stunned that I was finally getting to write a scene that had been planned years and years ago? Well, this was that scene, and it felt eerie to finally get to do it.

Though on another aside, I tried to make the whole author notes breakdown even wonkier, even to the point of including ASCII art and weirder formatting. Alas, went and ate it all up. Stupid limited formatting options.

So yeah. That's it. That wraps up Fires of the Sun. Looking back, I'm really happy with how it came out. Were there weak spots and areas that could have been done differently and done better? Yes. Where there parts that I skimped due to, and let's face it, laziness? Yes. Did it surpass The Storm as intended? I'm…not sure. The thing to remember is that when The Storm happened, it was sort of a trendsetter for this story and, and this is going to sound arrogant, for Touhou fics in general. I got a ton of notice in the English Touhou fandom for that mini-arc, mainly due to the surprise inclusion of Lovecraftian elements and Yuuka's big fourth wall break. Also a lot of controversy as well, but hey, free publicity. But that was years ago, back when IM was still on the rise. Now the hype's died down, people have gotten used to it being around, so it just doesn't have the same impact as before. It was more of wrapping things up from that big shocker rather than being another big shocker. Marisa's death came close, but not really to the same level.

So no, I don't think Fires of the Sun matched the impact of The Storm. It's more polished perhaps, and maybe the fight scenes flow better, but it doesn't have the newness The Storm had. But that's okay. This was for everyone who stuck around to see what would happen, a way of bringing about some measure of closure before putting this ginormous story on the shelf. And in that regard, I feel it succeeded nicely.

So…I guess that's it. Wow, okay, Imperfect Metamorphosis is now officially on hiatus. Thank you all so much for reading, and be sure to stick around! More stuff for Subconscious is to come!

Cheers, everyone!

[recentanimenews]

Bookshelf Briefs 9/10/20

BL Metamorphosis, Vol. 2 | By Kaori Tsurutani | Seven Seas – The balance in this series is nearly perfect. You’d expect, given the premise, that there would be more focus on Ichinoi, and we do get a lot about her current life, her classes she teaches, meeting her daughter, etc. But Urara’s side of the equation is just as strong—she’s not simply there to introduce her elderly friend to the world of BL, as this isn’t that kind of series. The two enjoy discussing their passion for the work, but also find out more about each other, come see each other for other reasons, etc. Urara’s teenage friendships also permeate the volume, and the best exchange in it may be Eri hearing Urara call herself “nobody” and taking it personally, as she knows who her boyfriend really likes. Fantastic stuff. – Sean Gaffney

Bloom Into You, Vol. 8 | By Nakatani Nio | Seven Seas – With the emotional climax of the series coming at the end of the last volume, it’s tempting to simply call this an epilogue, but that isn’t quite right, as Touko and Yuu still have to negotiate the boundaries of their new relationship. To some (Sayaka), they’re really obvious, but not everyone knows about it. Moreover, how physical do the two of them want to get? (Turns out, they do want to get physical.) We then get a flash forward seeing them relatively happy, as well as the fate of some others. (Sayaka has a girlfriend, as you will find out if you read the third novel about her life.) Overall, this did not go quite in the directions I was expecting, but it improved with each volume, and I greatly enjoyed it by the end. – Sean Gaffney

I Love You So Much, I Hate You | By Yuni | Yen Press – As always, very happy to see a yuri manga that’s not about girls in high school with their touching first romance. Fujimura is an up-and-coming office worker. Asano is her hard-working, driven boss. They are secretly having an affair—Asano is married—and trying to keep things as “just a casual thing.” Unfortunately, events conspire against them, both externally (another office couple is caught and one of them resigns) and internal (their growing love for each other). The tension between the two leads is the main reason to read the book, and it feels quite real—though there’s not quite as much of the ‘I’m dating my boss’ power issues as I’d expected. If you’re looking for a solid portrayal of an adult couple, this is a good choice. – Sean Gaffney

Komi Can’t Communicate, Vol. 8 | By Tomohito Oda | Viz Media – This volume has the school trip, something Komi hasn’t done before (last time her class did it she didn’t go due to communication issues). Fortunately, she has Tadano with her this time. UNfortunately, the groups for the trip are segregated by sex, so she’s going to have to be on her own most of the trip, with two of the lesser-known cast members alongside her. We get to know those two, and their awkwardness but try-hard attitude around Komi, and as you’d expect the results are mostly heartwarming—a good time is had by all. She even gets a quiet moment with Tadano towards the end. This is a manga that knows exactly the mood it wants to set, a balance between funny and touching. – Sean Gaffney

The Man on the Other Side | By Poteto Ueno | Futekiya (digital only) – Takuma Sano is a rather boring salaryman who has trouble connecting with people. The only friend he has is “S,” a Twitter follower whom he hasn’t met in five years of chatting. Finally, S proposes a meetup and turns out to be Sayaka Narumi, a popular and handsome actor. They both want to become friends, but their relationship is hampered by Sano’s profound social awkwardness—I love how Ueno doesn’t depict him as shy or withdrawn, just oblivious to social cues—and Narumi’s paranoia, after having recently been in the tabloids, that Sano is going to blab. This is a very chaste title with only a couple of smooches, and the big payoff comes when they can both finally clearly communicate their feelings. I enjoyed it, and was particularly amused that a photograph of (presumably) roasted chicken served as a sort of bat signal for the couple. Recommended. – Michelle Smith

Our Wonderful Days, Vol. 3 | By Kei Hamuro | Seven Seas – I think I forgot to brief the second volume of this, and now it’s come to an end with the third. The series does a good job of showing us exactly what a series like K-On! or Lucky Star would be if it had genuine yuri in it instead of tease. Mafuyu and Koharu grow closer as a couple, thanks mostly to some nicely surreal dream imagery, but the series seems to be more dedicated to everyday life with friends than budding romances. Which is fine, as the friendships here are great, particularly the beta couple Nana and Minori—though the gag at the end shows off that those two aren’t actually a couple after all. (Honestly, given Nana’s brain, they may just not be aware of it.) This won’t be in a top-ten list, but it’s cute. – Sean Gaffney

Primitive Boyfriend, Vol. 2 | By Yoshineko Kitafuku | Seven Seas – After the first volume returned our heroine to the present, I wasn’t expecting to go back to the caveman era quite so soon. But most of this second volume has Mito once again bopping around the jungles and plains, sent back there to find Garhi. She runs into another primitive man, and manages to befriend him in much the same way, while also getting herself into peril, etc. Naturally, it turns out that she’s way in the future, and that this man may be Garhi’s descendant. She ends up back in the present at the end, and the implication is that she has to find Garhi’s soul in someone in modern times. Will it be one of her many potential boyfriends? We’ll know soon; this ends with the third book. – Sean Gaffney

Sacrificial Princess and the King of Beasts, Vol. 10 | By Yu Tomofuji | Yen Press – Well, we couldn’t go too far without another kidnapping, and that’s what we get here, with our favorite sacrificial heroine allowing herself to become a hostage to save the rest of the boat. That’s not something that can stand, and while the king is (for now) restrained, several are coming to her rescue, including the former villainous chancellor. There’s a lot in this series about vows of loyalty overriding most other reasons, and I really liked Sariphi showing her mettle against her captor, indicating that gifts and luxuries are nothing without the feeling behind it. This feels like it’s going to be wrapping up soon, but this is a typically strong volume, and an underrated series. – Sean Gaffney

Venus in the Blind Spot | By Junji Ito | Viz Media – I’m always glad for a new volume of Ito’s manga to be released, so it shouldn’t be surprising that I was looking forward to Venus in the Blind Spot, a “best of best” collection. The anthology brings together ten of Ito’s short manga as well as a small selection of illustrations, a few but not all of which have previously been released in English translation. It’s an interesting mix of stories ranging from original tales of horror to adaptations of work by other authors, including two which are based on stories by Edogawa Ranpo (“The Human Chair” and “An Unearthly Love”). As a fan of Ranpo, I was particularly excited to read these, but I was also especially delighted to discover the inclusion of one of Ito’s autobiographical pieces (“Master Umezz and Me”). Ito’s short masterpiece “The Enigma of Amigara Fault” is here, too, adding to an already great collection. – Ash Brown

Waiting for Spring, Vol. 13 | By Anashin | Kodansha Comics – Mitsuki and Asakura-kun officially became a couple in the previous volume, so now it’s time for Ryuji and Nanase to sort out their status. Although Waiting for Spring doesn’t do anything unexpected with its plotting, I do like how it focuses on communication issues for these couples, with Mitsuki somewhat troubled by Asakura’s perpetually calm exterior and Nanase worried about the age difference and the things that will be new for Ryuji that aren’t new for her. You never feel like either pairing is in actual jeopardy, but there will be things that they will have to talk through together. We also see Mitsuki successfully deliver a heartfelt speech to the incoming first-year students. The main story ends here, but there will be one more volume, featuring bonus stories and an epilogue. Anashin hasn’t started a new series yet, but I look forward to reading more by her someday. – Michelle Smith

With a Dog AND a Cat, Every Day Is Fun, Vol. 1 | By Hidekichi Matsumoto | Vertical Comics – This manga is mostly presented as a series of two-page strips. On the first page, Inu-kun, Matsumoto-sensei’s dog, will be full of innocence and energy on a given topic, and on the second page, Neko-sama, the cat, will be… a cat. Topics include things like laptime jealousy, bathroom visitors, the pets trying to cheer up Matsumoto-sensei, etc. I definitely snickered at a few different things, but wasn’t prepared to end up sniffling, too. The story about Matsumoto’s previous dog and how a friend’s comment revived happy memories that had long been obscured by sad ones really got to me, as did the part about lingering regrets affecting how a person interacts with pets who yet live. I know exactly how that feels. So, yes, it was the sad bits that really won me over in the end, but the cuteness is undeniably beguiling, as well. – Michelle Smith

By: Ash Brown

[thissurroundingall]

Naomi Velissariou

Actor, and theatre maker, playing with pride and perspective

Nederlandstalige versie

Date of interview: June 7, 2017

Estimated reading time: 16 minutes

Naomi Velissariou (°1984) grew up near Genk, city of Ford, in a Flemish-Greek family. After graduating from the Maastricht Academy of Performing Arts as an actor in 2012, Velissariou created for Frascati in Amsterdam and appeared in several plays, movies and a television show. For her last play Sontag, she dived in to the works of the American philosopher and author Susan Sontag and wrote down her own thoughts in the essay ‘Mens durf te falen!’ (Dare to fail!) for De Correspondent. Despite, or maybe thanks to, the acceptance of failure as a virtue, Velissariou got quite some attention and recognition for her theatre work, and is considered a voice of a new generation. Velissariou has ‘a personal signature that makes us curious for future development’, as the Charlotte Köller Award Jury put it, who rewarded her with an encouragement award. Drawing inspiration from Müller, Aristotle, Sartre and Sontag, her theatre work is clever, trying to link the philosophical to a rich inner world and challenge her audience.

We visit Velissariou on a rainy day in Amsterdam. After a journey across’t Ij by ferry and a windy walk through Amsterdam Noord we are warmly welcomed. As soon as the door opens, Velissariou is constantly moving around. She pours some tea and puts nuts and chocolates on the table, while her ginger tomcat Kevin cries for attention. Before we can start chatting about her life and work, we get a little tour of the ground floor apartment, complete with backyard and garden shed. On the living room walls some recently bought Athos Burez photographs grab our attention. Burez is also responsible for posters and campaign images of Velissarious plays. "I often find photoshoots very uncomfortable, but not with Athos. With him, you are building a world, often in one day, and live in his fairy tale. You play, as children would. "

Where did the need for theatre begin?

Acting or making?

Which came first?

At first I really wanted to be an actor. Even though I was not the kind of kid that really enjoyed putting on shows. I was just very interested in languages and spoken word. My parents sent me to evening school for diction and performance, a very Flemish thing to do if your child is good with words and languages. After high school I auditioned for Dora van der Groen right away. I became very insecure at that school. I didn’t make the second year in one go and had the chance to do it again, but I was afraid. My classmates were very talented and I really looked up to them. I thought: if I have to retake this year I am going to feel so stupid, and maybe grow too afraid of acting. So I started university, with the idea of taking a sabbatical year. One year turned into five years and eventually I earned my masters degree in theater and film studies. During the last year at university I realised I really wanted to act instead of getting a Ph.D. Otherwise I would never leave my desk and I have too many impulses to do so. So I went to the Academy of Performing Arts in Maastricht.

Those years at university became more then just a means to pass time, right?

Yes, I definitely got interested in the studies, but it took quite some time. In the beginning I was just delighted to be one of two hundred students in an auditorium. It was a very sobering experience after the very personal focus in a class of seven at the academy. I grew up in a very protective and loving environment in Limburg. After a Catholic all girl school with uniforms I went to a pretty rough theatre school in the centre of Antwerp. I was too young for that to be honest. It was too intense for me at the time. At the university your individuality doesn’t matter as much. If you want to get good grades, you just have to work hard. But only at the end of my masters did I aspire to an academic career. Even though it is not the path I chose, those years at uni… I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I learned so much there and gained a lot of life experience. Those were the wildest years of my life (laughs).

You wanted to be an actress, but now you are also a theatre maker.

Yes, I am, but I never really aspired to actually becoming a maker or a director. It turned out to be a natural combination. I switched so many times and in the end I graduated as an actor and as a dramaturge. In between the theory, the content of what you want to tell and the actual embodiment of it, lies the creation of theatre for me.

How do you determine the position you take, as an actor or director?

In the past few years I mostly directed and acted in my own productions. I did shoot for films or television. Next season, for the first time in a while, I am acting in someone else’s play, as Ophelia in Hamlet by Abattoir Fermé. In my own work it is less obvious what position I will take during the creative process. The first question always is: ‘Am I on stage or not?’. It determines the whole further process. The past five years I experimented with different models and there are pro’s and cons for each one.

A solo is the most distinct way of working. I am alone on stage and acting and creation are automatically one. In my last production, Sontag, it was also very clear that I was directing, not acting. By distancing myself as an actress, the whole creative process could take place outside myself. That way I had more control.

I found that directing, creating and acting at the same time is not ideal for me. Occasional collective work, for me, is neither fish nor fowl. On stage, in rehearsal, I am not entirely free, because I always have to keep an eye on the bigger picture. I am not really present with my fellow players, and I am constantly absent from my artistic team because I am on stage rehearsing. Making and acting at the same time is a duel between keeping distance and surrender. The distance you have to keep to control the course of the play and the complete surrender you need to forget in order to act on stage.

I am convinced art is a priori political.  Because an artist forces themselves to constantly think out loud.

How does your creative process begin?

It depends on what you mean by ‘begin’. Most of the time it is something that I’ve read or seen that made me excited. What happens next depends for a great deal on how much time and money you have to actually make a production. Right now, for instance, I am doing research for a play for next year. It is going to be a concert play, based on the work of Sarah Kane. Her work has become kind of a cliché, as a psycho-dramatic-erratic-womens theater. For me Kane’s writings are the perfect song lyrics. So I’ve been in the studio for two months already, with different musicians and producers, making ten tracks that will be the core of the play. When those tracks are finished it will become clearer what the course of the play will be. But in the meantime the premiere date is already set and the first promotional text is out the door.

Conceptualising, doing research, rehearsals, it is a gradual experience. It is a constant metamorphosis: from the first idea until the last performance. I never really know when the process begins or ends. But most of the time it starts with words, writing, and only then does it get thematic. I never see something of topical interest that makes me want to make a play about it. Journalistic theatre should not become the norm; I explicitly try to take a stand on that. Art needs to be relevant, but that is not the same as being topical. For instance, I think the self hate and suicide of Sara Kane is very relevant. But I do not feel the need to do sociological research on the current suicide rates of women in Europe.

Doesn’t politics automatically enter the work?

I am convinced art is a priori political. Because artists force themselves to constantly think out loud. The choice of expressing your thoughts is, a priori, a political choice. That’s also what scares me the most the night before a première, that I am going to share my thoughts on something with the world. It feels like one of the most vain things you can do: have people pay to watch you and listen to your thoughts. You have to take yourself quite seriously to assume that whatever you have to say can somehow be of added value for someone else’s life. However, if you don’t think that, you should not be making art. It is even more vain to let people pay to see your work if you don’t believe it is worth its while. No false modesty, but you should be able to put it all in perspective. It is a difficult balance.

That balance reminds me of the struggle the characters go through in Sontag.

Sontag indeed very much explored on that idea. Susan Sontag did not want to die, because she had the feeling she had much more to share with the world. You must have a fairly big ego to think something like that. On the other hand, she was ashamed for all her ideas that were accepted as a truth. Her essays frequently became successes by the time Sontag herself thought of them as out-dated because her philosophy was strongly related to the present and her own life. As an artist you experience that as well. You make about eighty per cent of the artistic choices because you are very tired that day, you just broke up with your boyfriend, or you drank too much coffee that morning. According to Sontag art is not good because all the separate components are well-considered choices, but because the entirety of the work has one drive, one that you cannot ignore.

How do you experience something losing its truth after its creation in theatre, a medium that is fleeting and at the same time can cover a tour of several months?

Sometimes I can experience that feeling… Especially with older work. One of my works A tragedy (simplified), had the opposite: it was endowed with more meaning after it premiered. It was a struggle to make and when it first premiered, not a big hit. Nevertheless it always returned, because the subject matters could be seen in a particular context: a Flemish girl of Greek decent, the immigrant story, Genk as an industrial city. I understand why it was revived. But it is a piece of work that I am a bit ashamed of, because the political message people wanted to see in that still hunts me. At the same time, I am proud of what I created.

Acting in your own play is one of the most embarrassing things to me. If you create it and act in it, you are responsible for everything. Up to and including the lights you stand in. There is nothing you can hide behind. It is my body, my story. If you don’t like it, it does sort of feel like you don’t like me. However, if people do like it, it feels like it’s your birthday everyday.

Theatre is not a talkshow. For me it is the medium of fictional relevance.

Your earlier work, A Tragedy (simplified) and Mr. Jones, seems to be much more direct personal stories. A play like Sontag seems to be more distant.

A tragedy was about my family, yes, but I played Electra. I turned myself into a character to make my story more universal. So it would be more open or recognisable for the audience. Because of the so-called political dimension everyone wanted to see in it, my story got a lot of attention in the media. Unfortunately, that is all that remains now. Mr. Jones dealt with my idea of love and my relationship, and I was on stage with my actual ex. But nobody knew that, so it wasn’t an issue. Those are the works you have to make first, about origin and love. But after A tragedy, I really had to fight hard for my work not to be labelled as personal-documentary-immigrant theatre. That is not my kind of theatre.

A Tragedy was an attempt to apply Aristotle’s poetics onto my own life. Mr. Jones was an adaptation of Cocteau’s Le Bel Indifférent and attempted a dramatic rendition of my own suffering. Every concept contains something that is at once personal and distant. To me, there is no rift between those earlier works and the rest. My work just naturally continues. Sontag was very personal to me. But some people missed ‘me’ because they did not see me on stage. With Sontag I could actually really share what I wanted to say. Thanks to that so-called distance from myself, because of the themes, as well as the fact that I did not act in it.

Your bookcase sure looks a lot like the one on stage in Sontag.

Yes, Sontag also always had her picture taken in front of her bookcase in her own home (laughs). There is even a special Sontag corner in my bookcase. I have read almost all of her work now. She is an inexhaustible source to me.

Sontag, Sartre, those are all quite intellectual sources for your theatre.

Yes, I guess so, but then again, who cares (laughs). But I do not want to make it elitist. I think a work of art is best when it works on many different levels. I always try to make sure one can enjoy my work without any knowledge of all the underlying philosophies. With Sontag I sometimes got the feeling people came to get a summary of Susan Sontag, a speed course in her philosophy. It was nice, but I did not expect it. Sometimes it felt like they came to see my show as an extra to the additional programme the theatres organised. People like to have a useful evening and like to think they learned something. This behaviour is also somewhat the side effect of the explicit politically engaged theatre popularity. The audience wants to see what they saw on the news, or what they read in the paper, translated into a personal, fun, manageable story That is not the essence of theatre. Theatre is not a talkshow. For me it is the medium of fictional relevance.

To me theatre is a place where pain is allowed to exist; you are allowed to feel pain and to look at it. I think that is something really valuable.

What is the purpose of theater then? Solely art?

Theater can be whatever, but it has no direct purpose. Theatre can tell us something about the human condition. I realise that sounds very cliché. For me, theatre is a way of life, of survival, but that probably sounds romantic or heavy too. To me theatre is a place where pain is allowed to exist; you are allowed to feel pain and to look at it. I think that is something really valuable. It is different from a theatre of solace. Put bluntly, I can relate myself to the world in two ways: either a sober, scientific way, or in a melodramatic, personal way (laughs). Theatre lies somewhere in the middle.

I do not want to make frumpy, bourgeois plays, but uncompromising work next to having a loving life with friends and family. That’s a huge prerogative if you ask me.

Do you need an environment that is direct and straightforward?

I do need an environment in which I can switch off my cynicism and hyper-awareness. Although it can sometimes be a virtue, most of the time it’s actually works numbing. Right now, for instance, I see myself talking about that hyper-awareness. I should’t  go “meta” all the time, let alone talking meta about meta like I’m doing now, or there’s no end to it.  (laughs). Then I will literally have no idea what I am doing. I find it one of the most striking things of this time: all those narrative constructs we grow up with, that makes us so aware of everything. I could just cry thinking about it because it doesn’t solve any of all that self-awareness. If you are sad, you are sad.

Do you feel the need to retreat?

My job entails being around people, all of the time. Every three months you start a project with new people and every time you establish these intense connections. Therefore I more and more do feel a need for peace and quiet. If you’re rehearsing or when you’re on tour, you end up at the bar almost every night. So, on my nights off, I like to be at home with my boyfriend. Sometimes it can feel a bit isolated, because after a while it is hard to separate your friends from your colleagues. Now I have to learn to surround myself with people on those days off as well. Really invest in my social life, host spontaneous barbecues and attend birthday parties.

I do not strive for something specific. I just have to create theatre. That is my ambition.

What  are your hopes for the future?

I would like to find a balance in work and private life. After graduating you fear you won’t get any work, or if you do find a job, you fear it is not enough to provide for yourself. If you find out that you actually can, then you can afford to only take on interesting work. Now I just hope to continue what I have done for the past years, to create pieces I really want to create. That is truly fantastic. But the past five years it has been at the expense of everything else. I hope to have a real home and family life aside from work. Without having to make great artistic sacrifices. I do not want to make frumpy, bourgeois plays, but uncompromising work next to having a loving life with friends and family. That’s a huge prerogative if you ask me.

What are you artistic ambitions?

To be strict with myself, not making any compromises. As an actress, I do not want to take on a role just because it is glamorous. I only want to do parts in which I can stay true to my own poetics. Sometimes I wonder if I don’t have enough ambition as a theatre maker. I do not strive for something specific. I just have to create theatre. That is my ambition. I hope that when I am sixty-five, I’ll still be lying in my bed trembling and vomiting when I have a premiere the next day, because I don’t know if my ideas are worth an entry ticket. Hopefully people will be convinced it is indeed worth it. Maybe that is my artistic ambition: to make myself go through all of that, over and over. That’s enough challenge for a lifetime.

Interview & translation: Lynn Elshof

English editor: Hendrik Wittock

Photographer: Tom Peeters

[takerfoxx]

“Fires of the Sun, Part 2″ Thoughts

In which I killed off a major character. On my birthday.

Quality-wise, I feel this chapter was a major step up from the first, and that is for one very easily identified reason.

Snarky Rin.

Oh, how I love snarky Rin!

See, Rin's always a fun character to write for, which is great, seeing how she's the closest thing this story has to a central protagonist. However, her scenes usually come with a sort of balancing act. On the one hand, she's very sympathetic, given how much shit she's gone through coupled with the fact that she usually doesn't really want to hurt anyone and her concern for those she cares about. However, her hands are far from clean. She's does some messed up stuff herself, and keeping her in that grey area right over the moral event horizon is usually something of a challenge. On the one hand, it makes perfect sense for her to be angry, belligerent, spiteful, and even vengeful at times. On the other, you don't want to go too far and make her "go full bad guy," as she and Rumia like to put it.

(Though interestingly enough, when this story first started, Rin was actually penciled in to be the main antagonist, with her going full bad guy by the end of the first arc, Yuuka being something of a chaotic neutral anti-hero, Mima never turning, and the Shadow Youkai not showing up at all. But then good ol' Bold Text made a last-minute appearance and Rin proved to be too likeable to treat that way, so the old plan got thrown out, the Shadow Youkai got promoted, Yuuka's role was changed, and eventually Mima went full bad guy instead due to butterfly effect. Funny how things work out, isn't it?)

But anyway, I still have a knack for tense, belligerent conversations between people who really don't like each other. It was admittedly a problem when the story first started and everyone was kind of an asshole, and I had to dial it back when it was pointed out to me. Still, it's fun to cut loose every once in a while, and a Rin that gives no fucks is a hoot. Hey, at least in this case she has ample reason!

But anyway, it's weird to say this as the author, but thank God for Utsuho. Some characters just come alive from the get-go and really come to speak for themselves, so when you do their scenes it feels more like you're taking diction instead of coming up with their dialogue yourself. And her monologue here was just wonderful. She's one of the few unapologetically good characters, and given their similar circumstances, it made perfect sense for her to be the one to talk Rin down. And Rin's already shown to have an affinity for tragic monsters like herself, so it also made sense that she would listen. She still had plenty of salt, but there was plenty of that going around. And in the process, she also got to accidentally shame her bullies while doing it. Jeez, I need to let Utsuho make more speeches. She's surprisingly good at it.

Moving on, the scene in the hallway was really demonstrative of how much improvising goes into these chapters, and how much moving all the pieces is required to compensate for one single problem. See, Patchouli's death was already set. I wanted the impact of at least one major character's death in this fight, and hers fit the bill the best. Yes, writers are often sociopaths like that. But I was going back and forth on whether or not to knock off one of Satori's pets as well. I sure as hell wasn't going to kill Utsuho, and going after one of the OC's felt cheap. I've never been a fan of Redshirt philosophy, and creating characters just to kill them feels sort of…cheap, I guess. I mean, under the right circumstances it can work very well, but in this case nothing really would be gained by doing so. I did contemplate killing Jun at one point, but eventually didn't go through with it, mainly because he was the most obvious choice and I had already telegraphed Patchouli's demise pretty badly.

Believe it or not, I seriously considered killing Orin off for a long while, mainly for symmetry's sake. The Scarlet Devil Mansion lost a major member, so it was only fitting that the Palace of Earth Spirits would as well. I eventually decided against it, mainly because it was too soon after Patchouli's death and I didn't want to tip the scales too far. And plus, I had grown really attached to Utsuho and didn't want to take away her best friend. So poor Patchouli was the only named character to not walk away. Hey, sometimes less is more.

But that meant a lot of improvisation became necessary. Because even if I was only going to kill one member of the hapless rescue squad, it made zero sense for them to somehow all survive everything that was happening, and I wanted to eventually zero in the focus on just a couple of them. Okay, they're practically all youkai, so knocking them off in some non-permanent way would work. Except the place is chock full of Mykr's Sirens, which have already been shown to prevent resurrection. Okay, Yukari's there, and she's going to anticipate that at least one of the people she's coming to rescue is probably going to become collateral damage and would prepare accordingly. So, throw up a soul net to fish the gang out. That gets most of them off the board for a bit. But I need that soul net gone for when Patchouli gets killed. Okay, establish early on that Mima had sent one of her split-offs into the fray to keep an eye on things, and have her tear the whole thing down after establishing that it's not something that can be replaced in time. Except this would of course tip Yukari off to the fact that Mima's gone evil again, which affects everything in the future and. Plus, there was no way in hell Meiling and the pets would just sit quietly and not try to come back, so I had to figure out a way to bring them back in a way that wouldn't distract from everything else going on, would still have a logical impact, and…

And that's pretty much the experience of writing Imperfect Metamorphosis in a nutshell. This sort of thing happens all the time.

Anyways, here we bring in poor Elly, who's just having the worst day imaginable. Begin things by reminding everyone that Shinigami scythes can kill youkai, then bring most of the focus on what was going on between her and Rin (with a little nod to Elly's original boss fight, what with the flying tiles and all) so that most people would forget about Patchouli entirely, then have Mima subtly insert herself into the fight, seize control of Elly's scythe, and send it spinning off toward Patchouli in a manner that everyone would blame the Shinigami. And with that, the third Touhou original came to an end.

…

Okay, I know I'm being real blasé about this, but come on! It's been months, and it wasn't nearly as horrifying as Marisa's death was! That one got me some interesting messages, let me tell you. Besides, compared to some other darkfics I can mention, I'd say my body count has been rather conservative!

Er, at least in regards to canon characters. There's still that whole thing with the Dragons and all those massacrs in the backstories and whatnot…

But in all seriousness, I really do like Patchouli a lot. I've always been partial to the SDM gang, and she was a fun, rounded character to write for. And at least her death had some significant ramifications. So, there's that at least.

Though of course, this chapter had to go up on my last birthday update. Sometimes timing works out great, like on this recent New Year’s. But other times you get this.

Okay, two down.