#miss Americana has been my go-to to scream lately

[lady-assnali]

I was tagged by @roxy206 to post 5 songs I actually listen to. I’m a high energy music person but I threw in She because it’s one of my most favorite songs of all time.

Now! I tag @jinkx-monswoon @sexynetra and @thecollectionsof if you want to!

[imthebadguyyy]

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince II

pairing : charles leclerc x reader

fandom : f1

synopsis : you're the only female driver on the f1 grid, and have a secret relationship with ferrari's golden boy.

warnings : allusions to smut, smut

a/n : much awaited part 2!! apologies for taking so long life has been extremely busy lately

pt i

"don't say a word" charles mumbled to you, gently getting up.

god, you were so fucked.

you didn't dare say a word as charles wordlessly got up to find the pair of shoes carlos had so unfortunately left behind in his room. "why did he leave them here" charles whispered harshly, while gesturing to the large closet he had in his driver's room.

quiet as a cat you slipped into it, leaving it a crack open for ventilation. you watched from the gap as charles quickly ran a hand through his tousled hair, lips still red and swollen and eyes still blown wide from the orgasm he had a few moments again.

"just a second!" he called to his teammate, struggling to jump into his jeans and searching for his shirt before he realised where it was : on your body.

cursing under his breath, he inhaled deeply, before striding over to open the door for carlos.

"my god man, you took forever to open the door huh" carlos grumbled, sauntering his way into the room before charles could slam the door shut.

praying to the heavens, charles sneaked a jittery glance towards the closet, praying carlos didn't wander too close.

"ah yes! my lucky sneakers!" carlos exclaimed like a child on Christmas day, spotting the pristine white sneakers in the corner of the room.

"how did you leave them here?" Charles asked, hand reaching up to scratch his neck nervously.

"oh remember when we were all warming up before media day because we felt stiff? i left my shoes here and changed into my loafers" he said matter of factly, changing said loafers for his sneakers.

a flash of orange had him stopping mid way, staring blankly at the papaya shirt that lay just hidden below charles' physio table.

"mate, either you're a secret McLaren fan or.." carlos began, wide eyes wandering over to charles who had turned as red as the ferrari car he drove.

"WHAT no-thats not mine!!" he exclaimed.

groaning softly, you smacked your palm against your forehead, realising how much worse he sounded if he said it wasn't his.

"so you're- YOURE SLEEPING WITH LANDO?!" carlos exclaimed and charles let out a groan of despair.

"THATS WHO YOU THINK HES SLEEPING WITH?!" your stupefied voice rang out from the closet, earning a flurry of curse words from the spaniard.

"y/n?!?!" he exclaimed, watching as you stomped out in just a ferrari shirt, batelt covering your thighs,screaming in surprise as he covered his eyes and turned to the wall.

"PUT ON SOME CLOTHES I DON'T NEED TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS!" carlos shouted, as charles ran to cover up your body, tossing you your jeans to change into.

"you thought I was sleeping with lando?" charles hissed, sheer stress and surprise in his eyes.

"no i- i wasn't thinking okay I saw orange and i thought lando!" carlos defended himself, choosing to ignore the contemptuous snort you let out.

when you were all decent he turned again sinking into a chair to massage his temples, repeatedly muttering "dios mio" under his breath and looking between the two of you.

your hands were interlocked now, thumbs gently twiddling together, and he watched as charles reached for your palms, running a soothing thumb over your knuckles and holding your hand tightly within his. he noticed how charles' gaze softened and the gentility with which he stroked your hand, nothing but love and adoration in his eyes.

"so how long has this been going on?" carlos asked calmly, trying to ignore the mix of excitement and amusement in his chest at the sight of his best friend and the woman he considered to be his little sister anxiously awaiting his take like a teenage couple who got caught.

"um...abu dhabi last year? i got really drunk and so did charles and we just sort of stumbled into my hotel room and-" you began only to be cut off by a loud "tut-tut-tut-tut" from carlos who closed his eyes.

"i don't need details, hermana, just...okay" he sighed, standing up.

"carlos, please don't tell anyone" charles whispered tugging you closer. "Its hard enough for her to be accepted anyway and if people find our we're together, you know what the media is going to spin it into. we're just not ready yet" he concluded softly, feeling you cuddle into him, apprehension evident in your eyes.

"ay, of course I would not do that. you can trust me. I'm happy that youre happy with each other, you are aren't you?" he questioned suddenly, eyes hardening as he looked at charles.

"yes yes, im very happy carlos" you said quickly, knowing he was protective of you.

"charles makes me happier than i thought I could be" you mumbled, cheeks warming as you spoke, and charles pressed a kiss to your temple. "And she makes me happier than I ever thought i could be" he affirmed.

"well then, I'm even happier for you two. you deserve to be happy, and I'm glad it's her you're seeing and not lando" he concluded matter of factly, and you couldn't help but snort with laughter.

"thanks mate" charles chuckled dryly.

"okay I'm gonna leave but please charles, do something about your sex hair, you look like a wild hyena just tried to rip your hair off" he grumbled as you grinned proudly.

"well i suppose we do fu-" charles began cheekily as carlos yelled in protest and covered his ears, shaking his head from side to like a dog trying to get water out of his ears.

"no necesito saber detalles sobre el relacions intimas, ella es como mi hermana menor, ¿verdad?!" no I don't need to know the details about the sex she's like my younger sister!! carlos exclaimed as he sprinted out of the room.

taking a deep breath, your eyes met charles, and in a split second, you both burst into laughter, clutching onto each other to keep steady as you laughed.

"well, that was something" you chuckled, sitting back down on the physio table.

"it really was, non?" he said, joining you, pressing a kiss to your neck.

"i have to go back to McLaren now baby" you whispered, gently stroking the rough stubble on his cheek.

"i know" he mumbled against the skin of your neck. "ill see you at the gdpa meeting okay?" you whispered, pressing him a kiss goodbye as you reached for the McLaren shirt to swap for the scandalous ferrari one you were wearing.

with sweet kisses of goodbye,you dashed off towards the McLaren hospitality.

Jogging back hurriedly, you shielded your eyes from the blaring Barcelona sun, praying that you wouldn’t get in trouble from charlotte.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

silverstone as a track was simply iconic.

as many had famously said, everyone wanted a chance to step on the podium there, the birthplace of formula one.

because of lando, McLaren always had a tiny bit of extra pressure on them during the British gp, and this year was no different.

Britain brought with it grey skies, heavy rainclouds and smatterings of rain through free practice and qualis. the track was wet, the skies were gloomy, and boomrd with thunder but the energy around the track was electric. (no pun intended)

the fans at silverstone always brought their all and the weather was never a let down for them. as you stood in the garage, waiting for the skies to clear up a little, you glanced at the crowd, cheering and whooping for lewis, lando and george, and were surprised to see the many posters of your face, cheering you on.

waving at the fans with a quick smile, you turned back to the screen, brow furrowing as you watched the forecast predict even heavier rainfall for quali.

before you knew it, you were in q3, hot on max's trail for a pole position. your race engineer, elizabeth, urged you to speed up, tyres well maintained and checo 4.5 behind.

and so you pushed, putting in purple sector after sector, and when it came to it, beat max by one hundredth.

a shout of delight left your lips as you entered parc ferme, parking your car in the no1 spot and preparing for your pole tyre and interview. max offered you a tight lipped smile, making a quip about "i was on a pole streak!" to which you responded cheekily, "well looks like i took the fast lane to your frustration!"

after quali, you were drawn into meetings, last minute checks, interviews until finally, you relaxed in the hospitality with lando, sneakers off and feet resting on a puffy pouffe, a bowl of salad and an iced latte next to you.

lando had something similar, a burrito bowl and an orange juice, scrolling through his Instragram while you covered your eyes and hummed a song.

"darl, are you dating anyone?" he asked casually, crossing one ankle over the other as he spoke.

"no, why?" you asked, brow furrowing slightly as you lied through your teeth.

lando went an odd shade of splotchy red as he looked at you, taking in the curve of your cupids bow above your lip, furrowed in confusion, to the purse of your lips.

"w-well, i've got a mate yeah, and he'd really like to ask you out, but he doesn't know how to quite...do that y'know?" he stumbled out, hands scratching the back of his neck as he spoke.

"oh!" you said, shoulders relaxing as you smiled.

"im not really looking to date someone right now lan, please tell him that and give him a hug from me okay?" you said kindly, squeezing his knees before jumping off the couch to head home.

"I'll see ya tomorrow lan!" you said, waving goodbye and picking up your food as you left.

walking towards your car, you felt your phone buzz in your pocket, and pulling it out, you saw charles notification.

(ferrari's) amore ♥️

amour, are you done with all your meetings?

y/n

yes darling, im just heading out to my car.

(ferrari's) amore ♥️

come to my room when youre back. i miss you :(

y/n

I'll be right there mon bebe, i miss you too 😙

you couldn't help but giggle at his messages, climbing into your car before making your way to the hotel.

as soon as you reached and managed to make your way past the gaggle of fans, you made your way to charles' room, cap covering your face as you moved stealthily through the hall.

reaching his door, you knocked softly, foot tapping against the carpeted floor, listening for the click of the door lock.

and lo and behold, there stood your italian god of a boyfriend, clad in just a pair of turquoise shorts and a bandana holding his curly locks back from his face, a stray strand peaking out almost cheekily.

"hello you" you smiled, squealing when he grabbed your plush hips and pulled you into him, arms tightening around your shoulders as he kissed your forehead, closing the door behind the both of you.

he walked backwards, guiding you into his dimly lit suite, pulling your jacket off of you and letting it drop onto the couch.

"missed you amour" he crooned softly, pecking your temple as he pulled the both of you into the large bed, laden with pillows and thick snowy white blankets, letting your body sink into the mattress.

"missed you too baby" you murmured.

"how was your day?" he asked, sliding down your body to tug your sneakers off, pressing a delicate kiss to your ankle as he pulled the socks off too, before trailing up to the McLaren t shirt you had on, signalling for you to raise your arms so he could tug it off your body, pressing feather soft kisses to your belly, chest, arms, shoulders and finally your cheeks.

"t'was alright i guess, quali was really great!" you gushed, fingers carding through his hair as a dimpled smile graced his cheeks.

"m'so proud baby" he said, kissing an erratic pattern on the bare expanse of your belly. "love you" you gushed again, tone utterly lovestruck, words coming out thick and syrupy.

charles gave you an equally lovestruck look, an ooey gooey warm sensation filling his chest.

"lemme show you how proud I am of you bebè" he whispered, pressing hot, open mouthed kisses to your neck, body twisting above yours to curve into you.

charles' mouth was diligent on your neck, his lips parted and wet as he worked way up from a particularly sensitive spot on your neck up to the back of your ears, smothering you with hot, open mouthed kisses that had you squirming underneath him. your whole body felt like it was being slowly swallowed by a burning flame, lighting up sharply when when his tongue swept over your skin, followed quickly by a not-so-gentle scraping of his teeth.

you gasped, fingers curling tighter into the thick locks, not caring about how hard you were tugging the luscious strands, legs parting when he let out a soft growl against your skin, the sound reverberating in his chest.

"baby.." you whispered, as his hands slipped to unbutton your jeans, slowly tugging the material down your thighs, hands massaging the fat of your hips and thighs, pinching softly before soothing it with a velveteen caress.

"hush mon amour, let me take care of you" he murmured, mouth hot as it disappeared lower until he was cocooned in between your thighs.

his sea green eyes locked onto yours, as his mouth lowered onto your panties, a wet spot spreading like spilled ink on delicate paper, that had him salivating like a dog.

you closed your eyes, pleasure taking over every nerve in your body when he pressed a kiss to the drenched fabric.

what a night you were in for.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you wake up early, the sun is just rising above the horizon, casting an almost pastel glow in the room from the wide windows. you're supposed to reach the track in an hour, so you have to leave in about 30 minutes. charles however, the lucky bastard, gets to sleep in. he isn't due at the track till almost two hours after you.

grumbling, you stepped out of bed, searching for the sleep shorts charles had kept on the couch for you to slip into in the morning, mourning the loss of his warmth as you get ready in the bathroom, taking out your toothbrush, a hairbrush, your skincare, your makeup, peeking through the half-open door to see him fast asleep in bed, bare arm stretched out over your empty side, quite snores leaving his mouth, a soft pout on his lips. you took in the red marks littering his chest, now fading to a subtler maroon, and the indents of your fingerprints on his back, heat rising to your cheeks in soft pinpricks.

the sight leaves a dull ache blooming in your belly, a need to just go and cuddle with his forever filling every bone in your body. with a sigh, you turn back to the mirror, somehow managing to get through your makeup and your hair before you allow yourself to look at charles again

with a furrowed brow, you note that he’s not in bed anymore.

you almost jumped out of your skin when you notice him standing in the doorway of the bathroom, clad in literally nothing.

charles didn’t say anything, only getting his arms around you in a warm, soft hug,one arm circling around your back to hold your waist, the other bent over the top of your back to cup your head in his hand.

his feet shuffled into the bathroom, head dropping onto the dip in your shoulders, arms wrapped tight around your midriff. his hands splayed on your belly, and he pressed a delicate kiss to the back of your neck. "go back to bed honey" you said, squeezing his hand and smiling at his sleepy face in the mirror.

"mmmhm" was all you got in response, the warmth from his body enveloping you in a snug embrace.

"why do you have to go so early?" he groaned, head nuzzling into you like a cat. chuckling softly, you swipe a berry lipgloss over your lips, adjusting the white floral sundress you had opted for, carrying your team kit in a bag.

"cuz we're shit babe. and if I want to win this race, we need to get some work done off track before we start actual racing" you said, petting him on the head like a kitten.

"ill see you soon then coucou" he said, pressing a kiss to your head before collapsing back into bed.

shaking your head you laughed quietly, slipping out of the room and heading to find gemma, your trainer bringing you a bowl of chocolate oats and dragonfruit and berries to munch on.

"busy night?" she smirked and you stuck your tongue out at her.

"let's just go" you said, pecking her cheek as thanks for the food.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

the track was buzzing with the usual hustle bustle, and charles was making his way towards parc ferme to get ready for drivers parade, which was going to be a vintage car display for each team. he caught sight of you, standing with lance and esteban, chatting animatedly about something.

he was standing with max, lando, carlos, checo, george and alex, all happily discussing their plans for the summer break.

he felt a blush rise to his cheeks as he watched you greet lewis with a hug and then laugh as he showed you something on his phone.

he felt his heart flutter when you bit your lip to conceal a grin when toto and christian glared at each other like schoolchildren.

he felt his breath hitch when you twirled a strand of hair around your fingers, exposing the bare skin of your neck where, if he squinted hard enough, he could make out the pale remains of the hickeys he had sucked into the skin.

"you alright mate? max asked, watching the way charles had turned a splotchy red.

"yeah I'm fine" he said, offering him a weak grin.

"you sure?" lando joked, grinning widely at him.

"who are you looking at?" max enquired, peering over charles shoulder to analyse who he was looking at.

"was it maria?" checo asked, referring to one of ferrari's press officer who had stunning red hair and beautiful emerald eyes.

"no no" charles said, shutting the idea down quickly, silently turning to carlos for help.

"leave him alone guys, he was probably just drooling over the track" carlos said, nudging max with his foot.

"yeah, right. don't think we haven't noticed how dreamy you've been recently" lando teased, while carlos and alex offered charles sympathetic smiles.

"it's nothing" he said, voice almost clipped.

"okay, let's leave him alone" alex said, clapping him on the back.

he watched as you skipped over, hair bouncing as you did. "hello!" you greeted chirpily, settling into a spot beside alex and carlos.

a chorus of hellos and grins greeted you. "what's going on?" you asked, cocking your head to one side.

"charles has a crush" lando teased again.

"oh is it?" you asked, concealing a smirk as you locked eyes with the man, eyes glimmering with mischief.

"yes it is!" george said, grinning widely.

"who is it?" you asked innocently, batting your eyelashes at him, watching the crease form in his eyebrow.

"no one" he said, hands slipping into his pockets while carlos sent you an exasperated look.

"oh c'mon tell us something about her" you giggled, hand tracing up to linger on the spot where he had left a bite, bringing a blush to his cheeks.

he watched the teasing glint in your eyes and with new resolve, relaxed.

"well," he began, eyes locked directly onto yours. "shes the most exquisite woman I've ever had the pleasure of knowing" he said, eyes boring into yours.

the chorus of 'oohs' around you didn't register, as you listened intently, heart hammering in your chest.

"she's insanely beautiful, but also has a heart of gold. shes kind, caring, smart, talented and extremely passionate" he continued, listing the qualities on his fingers, ignoring the smirks from his friends, focusing only on the widening of your eyes, and the way your hands fiddled with your rings.

"she's sassy, and isn't afraid to speak her mind. shes always thinking about others and is an angel on earth. she's as beautiful as a setting sun casting shadows on a deep ocean, as beautiful as victory, silent and strong, as beautiful as a graceful ballet, as beautiful as laughter ringing clear in the mountains" he continued, noting the way your eyes has become overbright, while also noting carlos' gaze on him.

"wow mate, you're down bad" alex commented, smiling at his friend, while max and lando sported identical grins. "yeah, never heard you be so poetic before" george commented, before turning to you. "isn't that right speedy?" he asked, waiting for your response.

clearing your throat softly, you nodded. "yeah, she's one lucky gal isn't she" you said, a wide smile on your face.

"time to go!" came a shout, startling you out of your little lovedaze.

"be right there!" lando shouted back, grabbing your arm, but you stopped him, murmuring a soft "I'll be right there" as you bid everyone a goodbye. one by one they all trickled out, carlos squeezing your shoulder kindly.

you gave charles a quick hug, tensing slightly when he pressed a quick kiss to your head away from the prying cameras.

"I love you" he whispered so quietly you almost missed it, and you repeated it, before giving him another lovestruck grin, before sprinting off to join lando.

charles stood there for a second, the same ooey gooey warm sensation filling his chest, before he was snapped back to reality by sylvia calling his name and he too sprinted back.

as you and lando followed redbull, mercedes, and ferrari, he turned to fix his gaze upon you.

"charles seems really in love doesn't he?" he asked, eyes fixated on you to gauge your reaction.

"he really does" you said, concealing a smile.

"how do you feel about that?" he asked, a strange abruptness in his tone.

"what do ya mean lan?" you asked, eyebrow quirking.

"I mean, you had a massive crush on him back when we were younger" he said, and you gaped at him, rendered momentarily speechless.

"um.." you trailed off, turning away from his burning gaze to wave at the crowds with a fake smile. "it doesn't bother me" you said finally, not really lying because how could you be bothered.

"are you sure?" he asked again, an odd tenseness to his voice. "yes I'm sure" you said firmly. "it's just..." he trailed off, unable to vocalise this thoughts.

"what, lan?" you asked, still waving at the crowds, putting up a peace sign for the crowds.

"you've seemed a little off lately...even when I brought up the thing about you dating a friend of mine, you kind of clammed up and i got the feeling that.." "got the feeling that?" you questioned, unease bubbling in your chest.

"that maybe there was a 5.4% chance that you were the girl charles was into" he finished and you almost fell off the seat of your car.

"w-what?" you laughed nervously, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. landos gaze didn't falter.

"look, I'm not stupid. I see the way he looks at you sometimes. and I see the way you look at him. but if you're not the girl he's dating, i want you to not be hurt because you're one of my best friends" he said, giving your hand a quick squeeze.

you felt a blossom of affection for your friend bloom in your chest. taking a deep breath, you made a hasty decision.

"lando, what I'm going to tell you is an absolutely top level secret and if you tell anyone I will chop your dick off and feed it to a duck" you said solemnly, ignoring the high pitched chuckle that left his mouth.

"okay i pinky swear" he said, sticking out his pinky towards you. you interlocked yours with his briefly, before taking a deep breath.

"I am charles new girlfriend" you admitted softly, eyes fixed on the ground in apprehension. you almost had a heart attack when he whooped so loudly, you were about a 100% sure that the cars in front of you and behind you would've heard you.

"shush!" you scolded, head whipping back and forth to see if anyone heard. "I fucking knew it! i absolutely knew it, the way he looks at you and the lovestruck puppy face he makes my god i KNEW it" he laughed gleefully, shaking you by the shoulders.

"okay shut up lando but please don't tell anyone" you begged, trying to hide the grin on your face.

"I promised i won't. but I have so many questions!!" he said excitedly, squeezing your hand. you laughed, glancing over to the front where charles was waving happily at the crowds.

"how about you meet us for dinner tonight, and I'll tell you more about it then?" you said, and he nodded excitedly. "we can call carlos too" you said, "since he knows about us as well".

lando let out a dramatic gasp, hand pressed over his chest. "CARLOS KNEW BEFORE ME?!?!" he said, eyes widening almost conically.

"by accident you dipshit, he walked in on us..um...well, actually! funny story, he actually thought it was you charles was sleeping with" you said with a cheeky smile, rolling your eyes with no real malice when he pretended to gag and throw up.

"why?!?!" "because he saw a McLaren t shirt on the floor" you admitted. lando pretended to gag again. "please spare me the details of your sex life" he groaned, hand still pressed to his chest.

"oh really, cuz I was just going to go into details about how good he fuck-" you began cheekily and he squealed and slammed his hand over your mouth (gently)

you let out a cackle, giving him a friendly hug, before turning your full attention to the stands.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

the race was tough, rain showering down halfway, making the track slippery and grip a challenge, but somehow, you fought and maintained your position.

there was a tense moment when max had overtaken you rather roughly, making you drop to p3 with a 3 second gap between you, and perez and a 5 second gap to you and max. however, with some spectacular over taking and flawless defending, you had soared to victory, with max in p2, and to your surprise, carlos in p3.

the podium had been a blast, with carlos pouring champagne down your entire body and hair, and lifting you up to hoist you on the top of his shoulders.

it had made for a lovely picture of you laughing, champagne bottle in hand, and a smiling carlos pointing up to you, while andreas 'bowed' down to you.

mclaren mechanics and engineers and staff had cheered for you, with charles and lando watching proudly and clapping for the both of you.

lando had given charles a nudge, before whispering a soft "she told me buddy" and giving him a tight one armed hug and whispering, "dont you fucking hurt her Leclerc or like your girlfriend said, I'll chop your dick off and feed it to a duck" making him laugh in alarm, before smiling softly at him.

dripping in a mix of sweat and champagne, you walked off into the McLaren hospitality, hugging everyone around you, before going straight into your driver's room to change.

a quick shower and a change of clothes later you felt fresh and giddy with excitement, so when lando sent a text in your shared group, saying "club inferno to get absolutely hammered on me, half an hour, look sexy y'all" you had laughed and made your way to your hotel to get dressed.

you hadnt been able to contact charles or heard from him after the podium but decided that you'd just meet him at the club, so you changed into a particularly rivetingly sexy little dress you had bought especially for a moment like this, a strappy little number that hugged every curve and fold on your body.

you paired it with your favourite YSL libre perfume, painting your lips in a dior rouge lipstick charles had gifted her, swiping a glittery lip gloss on top, adding seductive black eyeliner and mascara, a rosy blush and a glittery highlight, and darkened your eyes with kohl.

you slipped on a pair of black rhinestone heels, with little diamond bows on them that just looked absolutely phenomenal on you.

with a sigh of satisfaction, you sent a quick text to gemma, telling her you were ready to be picked up so the both of you could get absolutely wrecked on lando's tab.

she was not complaining.

the dark club was pulsating with heavy beats, bodies swayed in harmony with sultry beats on the dance floor, bathed in hues of electric blue and crimson. the air buzzed with the intoxicating blend of thumping music, the intoxicated giggles of every individual in the club, the mingling scents of tequila, fruity cocktails, earthy whiskeys, bitter beers.

gemma whooped as you walked in, the energy palpable in her body as she flailed her arms wildly with the music.

"im gonna go order some shots!" you shouted, rushing to the bar immediately. you were intercepted by a very drunk Pierre, who congratulated you with a hug and promise to buy you shots.

you were further intercepted by carlos, who, despite looking ready to pass out still had impeccable hair and was about the down another shot of tequila.

"shots on me hermosa!" he said, passing you a shot of tequila and a lemon with salt.

in your excitement, you missed charles, clad in a black shirt and white linen pants, watching you giggle and reach for the lemon. he watched as you put the salt on the back of your wrist, licking it up, tongue sweeping along the skin, and then dousing the shot of tequila, exposing the skin of your neck, and drowning the shot, only to flick back into position and suck on the lime.

he licked his lips, feeling the groin region of his pants become uncomfortably tight.

he made his way over to you, the thumping beat of travis scott's fein filling his eardrums. he watched as you leaned over to the barman, breasts pushing up against your dress, ordering shots, pushing your hair back over your shoulder. he walked with cemented purpose, as the beat changed, turning more sultry.

you were leaning over the bar when a familiar scent of dior sauvage filled your nostrils, and a strong pair of arms wrapped around your midriff.

"baby!" you squealed, leaping into his arms, lips pressing messily against his, momentarily forgetting about the secrecy of your relationship. charles savoured it, tilting your chin to kiss you deeper, counting on the barely there lighting to hide the two of you.

you downed another shot with him, pulling him towards the dance floor before stepping back softly. you pushed your hair away from your chest so it fell down your back, hips swaying as the seductive beat of vixen by miguel filled the club, the rnb vocals adding depth to the sensual rhythm your body was following, hands running up and down your body as you swayed your hips in a pulsating rhythm, bending at the knees as you sunk to the floor, wining your hips as the chorus came on.

charles ignored the fact that literally anyone could see you right there, as he stepped towards you, hands on your hips as he pulled you flush against his body, hips grinding rhythmically with your own.

you let out a soft moan,turning so your back was pressed against his crotch. you let your head drop to his shoulder, bum pressing against his crotch and wining softly against him, feeling his breath hitch.

"fuck, mon amour, you're making it hard for me to not fuck you right here right now" he groaned.

"you know as much as I like dancing and clubbing" you murmured, fingers dancing across his thighs, "I think id much rather prefer to celebrate at home with my baby" you continued, letting your teeth sink into your plush bottom lip.

"thats it" he growled, hand grabbing yours and tugging you along, making his way into the park to his car.

"im gonna fuck you like the winner you are" he whispered, kissing the shell of your ear.

your hotel room was on the 16th floor, and as the two of you made your way into the elevator, he eyed you up and down, eyes lingering on the curve of your breasts.

the moment the door shut, he pushed you against the wall, capturing your lips in a steamy kiss you'd be remembering the next day. his hands moved to your ass, squeezing hard, eliciting a moan from your lips. the moment your lips parted, he was pushing his tongue into yours, his other hand coming up to pull on your hair roughly, relishing in the gasp that left your lips. as suddenly as he started, he stopped, pulling back and standing almost nonchalantly against the wall.

you stumbled forward on weak legs, trying to wrap your head around what happened, gripping the wall with whatever remaining resolve you had in your body.

you could feel your wetness dripping, threatening to run down your thighs, as the throbbing became even more painfully exciting. you looked down at the floor, eyes closing as your frustration grew more and more by the second.

finally, with a little 'ding', the elevator stopped at the 16th floor. the moment the door opened you stepped out on wobbly legs, trying your best to walk properly.

but of course, that wasn't going to happen. as you turned one long corridor, charles grabbed your waist, pushing you up against the wall, to reach down and suck on your neck. you let out a gasp, head falling back against the door, and let your pussy rub against his hardening cock, but charles retaliated with a slap to your ass, smirking when a high pitched moan left your lips.

he let the door swing open, carrying you inside, letting you drop down, and kick off your heels, chest heaving. he made his way towards you, unbuttoning his shirt and letting it fall to the floor.

"such a fucking sexy drive, the way you defended and fought like a beast on track" he said, stalking towards you, hands dropping to the straps of your dress, tugging it downwards. "ma belle fille" he murmured, lips trailing hot kisses to your neck and sucking dark hickies on it. his tongue swept out, licking repeatedly over the sensitive spot, sucking and nibbling on the sensitive skin, teeth nipping and leaving dark marks.

he pressed open mouthed kisses that seemed scorching, while his hands dropped lower, peeling the satiny material off of your body, groaning when it peeled off to reveal your breasts, heaving with tension and arousal, nipples hardening as the cold air touched them.

"were gonna do something special baby" he said, sucking the skin of your neck in between his teeth, before pulling away with a smacking sound.

he walked backwards towards where there was a bottle of dom perigon in ice, popping the cork, letting it fizz down. he walked over to you, taking a dull sip of the liquid.

he motioned to the bed, and you followed silently, laying down, resting on your forearms.

he walked over to you, hands slipping to your tits, tugging on your nipples and running his thumb over them. he watched your breath hitch and your body quake as he played with your nipples, other hand reaching up to grab your cheeks and force your mouth open.

he kissed you harshly, lips closed to keep the champagne in, before his thumb and forefinger dug into your cheeks, forcing your mouth open.

you shuddered as he leaned over, breath fanning over your face as he let the golden liquid pour from his mouth into yours, warm and delicious as it overflowed from your mouth, dribbling down your chin.

you gasped as you swallowed the burning in your throat.

he pushed you gently, body laying against the linen. he pressed another searing kiss to your lips, biting at the plush bottom lip, sucking it in between his own.

he kissed you harder, yanking the rest of your dress off of your body, dropping it to the floor.

he leaned down, sucking hickeys onto every bare expanse of your chest, sucking dark marks, teeth nipping, breathing harshly, tongue licking over the expanse of skin.

he trailed lower, mouthing over your breasts, sucking on the nipple of one while his fingers toyed with the other, tongue flicking harshly and sucking harshly, feeling you arch into him. his tongue flicked wildly against the bud, before treating the other one the same, groping and grabbing till he felt they were marked enough.

he sunk lower, pressing kisses to your belly and sinking till the gap between your thighs,before reaching up again. you watched with bated breath as he grabbed the bottle again, tipping it over so it flowed into your belly and pooled into your belly button. he let his tongue dip in, sucking up the champagne, and making you moan at the sight.

he tipped it up towards your mouth again, letting you have a swig of champagne, licking up the beads that dripped down your chin.

"so fucking delicious, have to taste the rest of you" he murmured. "ma belle fille, mon amour" he whispered, leaning down to his thighs, pressing kisses to your thighs, all the way till your ankles, letting it rest on top of his shoulder as he leaned up.

he pressed kisses all the way till he reached your pussy, clad in black lacy panties. he inhaled the scent deeply, a sight that brought a sob to your throat.

"fuck please baby, I need your tongue in me" you sobbed, a strangled wail leaving your lips when his tongue sucked over the lady barrier through the arousal seeping out.

he licked and sucked till the material was drenched, fingers tracing up and down your thighs gently, making goosebumps erupt on your skin.

he hooked his fingers into your panties, tugging it down, leaving your pussy quivering when the cool air came into contact with your pussy.

charles reached for the bottle again, tipping the bottle just a little so it dripped a tiny sprinkle of champagne down your thighs. he licked it up, hands gripping into your thighs.

and then, his fingers were spreading you open, moaning as he saw your pussy lips struggle to seperate as your sticky arousal clung like a golden thread. he broke it with his fingers swirling it into his tongue, moaning at the taste.

"you taste sweeter than honey, bebe" he whispered, moaning into your pussy. his tongue licked up the expanse of your pussy, flicking erratically against your clit, licking all around the engorged, throbbing bud, before he began to suck on it with fervour. he bent your legs are an angle, so he had better access to your pussy, his head resting temporarily on your thigh, and drank up the sounds of you moaning and whimpering above him.

above him, you were moaning and whining his name, letting out a squeal when he started licking his initials onto your clit, tracing a curved c and an elongated l.

"please please please" you chanted, overcome with pleasure.

his finger slipped into your fluttering hole, thumb helping as he sucked on your clit, the overwhelming sensations sending you ricocheting towards a high.

"baby baby please im gonna fucking cum" you screamed, hips bucking wildly against his mouth as he continued to suck and lick at your pussy.

and just as you thought the pleasure was at its peak, he began to shake his head in your pussy, the erratic movement bringing an even more intense onslaught of pleasure onto your pussy. "oh fuck charles" you screamed, thighs quaking and head falling back in pleasure as you came violently, cum squirting from your pussy that he lapped up like amortentia.

but to your pleasure, he didn't stop there. he kept sucking, with more vigour and more intensity, slurping from your pussy like it was the most delicious thing in the world, moaning and groaning into your clit, sloppy and messy but oh how fucking good it felt

"cum for me, let me taste you again mon gagnant" (my winner) he murmured, the vibrations sending you over the edge again.

you came with a cry against tears dripping against you cheek.

panting, charles crawled his way back up your body, kissing your lips and gently wiping away the tears, pressing saccharine sweet kisses to your red cheeks, tracing the puff of the muscle with his pinky and pressing kisses to every corner of your face as you calmed down, whispering sweet whispers of "my sweet girl, my angel, my baby, my heart" like a mantra in french.

"baby please I need your cock" you sobbed, hands gripping onto his back, wrapping around his neck, nose reddening and eyes teary as you looked at him.

"you want my cock, mon coeur?" he cooked, voice syrupy sweet and sticky, tracing soothing circles on your thigh.

you only blubbered a yes in response, watching him cup his cock, getting it ready for your throbbing pussy as he spread his pre cum around it, body still pressed warmly against yours, pressing sweet kisses to your shoulders.

he lined up with your entrance, watching as you let out a shaky breath, eyes falling shut, as you clenched in anticipation. "my sweet angel drove so spectacularly, she deserves the world, doesn't she?" he cooed again, pushing a sweaty strand of hair away from your face.

"please baby, i think I do" you whined, swollen lips curling into a pout. "of course you do, mon chat" he murmured, lips pressed to your hairline, before slowly, in a single thrust, he had slotted himself inside you.

you gasped, gummy walls stretching to accomodate his cock. "fuck!" you whined, back arching off of the bed to meet his chest.

fuck, mon coeur, tellement serre" he groaned (so tight), hand interlocking with your own, fingers interlacing, the feeling adding such an addictive homeliness to the passinate moment.

his hips thrusted slowly, steadily, deeply, hitting spots that had you seeing stars. your hands clung to his back, nails raking down, tearing the skin, and you hear him hiss and moan at the sensation, hand squeezing you're tighter.

"I love you!" you sobbed out, when he raised your hips to grab onto your leg, pushing it away towards your head, and wrapping the other one around his waist, the new angle allowing him to fuck you even deeper into the mattress. his fingers dropped to your clit again, circling, rubbing roughly, even pinching softly enough to leave your body jolting, lips dropping back to your nipples to suck on them.

"je t'aime ma jolie" he moaned out, head dropping into the crook of your neck as his thrusts increased in pace, and the room echoed with the lewd squelches, groans and moans, pants and whines, as you clung to him tighter.

"charles m gonna cum" you whined, eyes rolling to the back of your head as charles sunk his teeth into the juncture between your neck and shoulder.

"cum for me" he growled, and with a cry, you came undone for the third time that night. thighs shaking, breath quaking, your squirted over his cock, soaking the bedding and his thighs as it dripped everywhere, and the mere sight was enough to make charles cum, shooting his cum into your, watching it drip out of your pussy.

panting, he rolled off of you, pulling you into his chest as you both lay on the bed, completely winded and tuckered out.

your chest heaved and breath came out laboured as you came down from your high. charles peppered kisses on your face, kissing your nose, chin, cheeks, lips, forehead and your eyes softly, drawing soothing circles over your heart to help you calm down.

"did so good for me, ma cherie" he cooed, syrupy and sweet like honey. "I'll be right back amour" he said, pressing a kiss to your hairline, to disappear into the bathroom.

you heard the tap running and he returned with a warm soaked towel, cleaning up between your thighs and all the way up your body, letting you cool down after the passionate session. he peppered kisses to every spot he cleaned, pulling your hair into a delicate ponytail.

he cleaned himself up and joined you in bed again, holding up your back as he made you take small sips of cold water, ordering room service for a good pasta for you two, and a chocolate mousse.

"I love you so much" you mumbled, pressing a kiss to his chest. "i love you more" he said, a soft smile on his face.

"im so lucky to have you in my life" he confessed, taking in your sleepy face and the slow pattern of your breathing. "you make everyday a hundred times more beautiful, when I'm with you, the sun moon and stars don't compare" he continued his poetic confession.

"you make me feel like the luckiest woman in the world by letting me love you" you said,voice cracking as you looked at his form, so beautiful, so sweet, so loving.

your peaceful moment of tranquility was broken by a series frantic beeps from both your phones.

raising an eyebrow, you let your head drop to charles' chest while he reached for your phone.

his eyes widened, fear creeping into them as he sat up abruptly.

"fuck" he cursed, carding a hand through his hair, turning to look at you, an odd look of fear in his face.

"what's wrong?" you asked, dread rising in your chest like an ice cold steam, fearing the very worst.

in response he just showed you his phone.

there, on instagram and twitter, were a series of dark, blurry, pixellated picture of a man and woman in a club, hands all on each other, and a very telling video of the woman grinding her body seductively against the man.

you and charles.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

a/n : part two!! might make a part three or might just....leave it here 👀 as always likes comments reblogs opinions are appreciated!! always down to make new friends and do let me know what you think! happy reading and much love always 🩷

TAGS

charles :@chanshintien @eternalharry @janeholt3 @magicalcowboyarbiter @oneafterdark @leclerc13 @crlsummer @electrobutterfly @superlegend216 (f1) @formula1mount @f1lov3r @livsters @inkfablesandstories @ivegotparticulartaste (all f1) @moon-enthusiast (all f1 @ssararuffoni @dark-night-sky-99

also tagging those who responded to this series!

@tempo-rary-fix @marymustdie @p4st3lst4rs @thesstuff @lauralarsen @notleclerc @dreamcarsound @dhe3read3 @urfavnoirette

[winniethewife]

It's you and me, that's my whole world (Shiv x Reader)

Warning: Violence!

Words: 878

Shiv had spent a lot of time perusing her. The American Hottie that moved to Russia as a reporter for a major newspaper back in the states. She has a sweet look, but as he got to know her she had come out of her shell to reveal a badass woman with a great sense of humor. Making each other laugh late into the night when he wasn’t busy with “Business” it didn’t take much to convince her to be his girlfriend, and she was the one that offered for him and Andrei to come stay with her, she had a spare bedroom, what was the harm? As it turns out, there would be a lot of trouble.

They had been dating about a year, Shiv had left early to go to the corner shop to get her flowers. He was walking back with some nice roses for her when He got a call. He gabbed his mobile and flipped it open

“Hello?”

“It’s been a long time coming” a voice said before the line went dead.  He scoffs and closed up the phone before walking up the steps to the apartment. When he comes in he puts the roses on the table and goes looking for his girl.

“Hey, Baby?” he peaks in the bedroom to find her still asleep in the bed. He smiles and walks over to her touching her shoulder, she opens her eyes and smiles.

“Shiv…what time is it?” She asks sleepily.

“Just past 8. We’ve got an hour before we gotta go.” He kisses her forehead. It was their usual rutione. He’d wake up early to get some stuff done then He would drive her to work before hitting up the market

“I don’t go in today. They’re fumigating the building.” She smiles and touches his face gently. “How about I come with you today? Hmm? Watch you do Business” She chuckles, she knows full well what he actually does but enjoys his delusions. Shiv hesitates.

“I don't want you to go, it can get dangerous.” He looks at her with his brow furrowed. She laughs slightly.

“Shiv…My love, I’m a Jornalist, its nothing I haven’t seen before.” She sits up and starts to get ready for the day.

“Right, I nearly forgot, Big time reporter here coving all the gangs of America.” He teased. He wasn’t wrong she had done some major reporting on some big player gangs back home, she could hold her own in the face of danger.

A while later they were walking down the street the market was set up on. As he came by the stands collecting the protection money for Tusk. She stands at his side as he does this, watching him joke around with the people running their stalls, she loved how he was with people, if he had been in a better position in life…she shakes her head, thinking like that doesn’t do any good for any one. When he was done he takes her hand and walks with her down an alley to the next location, and that’s when the trouble starts. He feels her hand pulled from his and he turns quickly to see Her being held with a knife to her neck by two punks from the other gang that operates around here. Shiv pulls out his own knife

“Hey! I don't really wanna fight But I will if I have to” Shiv growls at them.

“Darling, I'm scared…” She says softly. Shiv feels tense, the look of fear in his lover’s eyes was enough to actually piss him off.

“You can try to fight us tough boy but you know you should consider not doing so, 'Cause nobody's gonna win,” One of the guys threatened

“What do you want? What does this have to do with her? She doesn’t work for Tusk I do!” Shiv starts to yell

“Our boss tells us that your girl has wronged his girl, something about her little boy calling her Mama.” The man holding the knife to her throat says.  Shiv felt his blood go cold, of course Oxsana would do something like this.

“What do they want then Huh?” Shiv glares at them but before anyone can respond the unexpected happens. The guy holding the knife lets go of it and screams out in pain as she smashed her heel into his foot and ducks and turns grabbing the knife from the ground and holding it to the man’s throat.

“You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes” She hissed as he put his hands up.

“Alright, alright…we’re leaving…” the other guy said. She backed off and the two ran off. Shiv put his knife away and rushed to hold her.

“Fuck. You okay baby?” he was petting her hair as he looked concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine Shiv.” She placed her hands on his chest as they both took a second to calm down

“I don’t know what I would have done if something happened to you.” Shiv manages to say pressing his forehead to hers.

“Hey, its okay…It's you and me. We’ve got this.” She responds softly

“Yeah…My Miss Americana.” He chuckles taking her chin in his hand looking down at her.

“My Heartbreak Prince...” She smiles, leans in, kissing him.

[lavendermunson]

good at keeping secrets - steve harrington

chapter 4 of miss americana and the heartbreak prince

summary millions of questions, a promotion, a gala, and the rules of the entertainment industry breaking your heart again. would steve make it better or act like the rest?

cw angst, mentions of insecurity (steve and reader), SO MUCH ANGST SORRY ):

w.c 2.3 k a short one hi

a/n thank you so much to my babe @ihatepeanutss for helping me figure this out! i was so lost and you saved me ilysm!!

series masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter

“It was very nice to talk with you, I hope we can have some new music soon, and come by whenever you want! We love her here, don’t we?”

As the host of the show make the audience scream, applaud, and cheer for you. You smile and wave your hand to the audience cheering for you, it’s nice to hang out with your fans and allow them to see you in a morning show from the comfort of their houses.

“Thank you so much for having me, I'm going to miss you!”

You blow a kiss to the audience and then to the camera, to all the people who are watching you, and to someone out there who has your heart. When you exit the studio building you get hit by the shiny sun of Los Angeles, something you could never get tired of.

You put your sunglasses on, feeling a sense of warmth in your chest as your fans open their arms to greet you and take pictures with you. Someone is wearing Steve’s jersey and you can't tear your eyes away, the last name and number on sitting along with the colors of the team, that’s the look you would go for if you could.

___

Steve sits in front of the TV watching the morning show you are on, the smell of eggs, bacon and toast fill Eddie’s kitchen while the metalhead cooks for his friend who keeps staring at screen. Nancy is late to their weekly morning meeting, the day before a fundraiser gala. They aren’t fans of the fancy events but it’s for a good cause and Hopper said it will be good for Steve.

“Do you want a cup for your drool, big boy?” Eddie asks Steve as he sees his gaze glued to the TV. Looking at you, answering questions about your life, and skipping with a sad face the question about love and boyfriends. He wished he could hear his name instead of watching you avoid the question.

“What? No?” He quickly looks at Eddie with a plate of eggs with bacon in his hands, Steve accepts it with a thank you and sits on one of the stools on the kitchen island.

“So… you look sad, wanna talk?”

Eddie asks, he knows his friend like the palm of his hand. He knows there’s is something up, maybe too many times at once.

“I’m not sad, maybe overwhelmed”

Steve sighs, taking a sip of his coffee and looking at Eddie through his eyelashes. He knows he can’t lie to him.

“Did you see her face? She knows how to avoid these questions but god, I would love to go out and tell the world how I feel about her but I can’t”

“Can’t? Or don’t want to?” 

The question makes Steve's ears ring and his head spin.

“I can’t, Hopper won’t let me I don’t want to disappoint him” 

“Steve, I know that is only one of a few reasons but I also know that you have to work through your emotions. Is this the first time you are allowing someone in your heart like this?” 

“Yeah, it’s so… scary. I’ve never met someone like her and there’s a lot to risk”

Steve has a big ego, parts of it fuelled by his past insecurities. He cares about his fame, his reputation, and his place in the industry. He has been carrying these things since high school, things he couldn’t peel off his skin when he became who he is now. He is the best baseball player and he isn’t going to risk it.

But the thing that he is aware of, is that he is terrified of his feelings. He wants to be completely detached from all the sensibility of love, the insecurity that comes along with loving someone so deeply. What led him to be a “ladies' man” is in his genes, he doesn’t believe in marriages because his parents never loved each other and it seems like a waste of time. 

Something has deeply changed within Steve’s way of thinking and feelings, he has been known for being quiet about it and shutting down when he feels himself leaning on to the love. With you it’s different because it gives him calm, he feels safe in your arms and he is so happy, but he knows it’s not going to last. Nothing ever lasts. 

When Nancy arrives to join them for breakfast, they enjoy the morning talking about their careers and making fun of their outfits for tomorrow. Steve’s phone is blowing up with calls from Hopper, he steps out of the kitchen and into a room to answer. When he joins his friends, he gets completely frozen in his place, and a mix of frustration and emotions runs through his body at the same time. 

“Are you alright Steve?” Eddie asks, watching Steve’s face rise three tones of red. 

“I think I know what this is about,” Nancy says, stepping close to Steve and rubbing his arms “Tell us the good news”

“I’m moving teams, I’m joining the Red Sox next season”

Cheers erupt from Eddie and Nancy, filling the kitchen with laughs and warming Steve with hugs. Since he joined the sport, Steve has been looking to join his favorite team and he finally made it. 

That means a lot of changes. Not only is he saying goodbye to Hopper, but he also says goodbye to his team and his friends. Now he has to welcome a wave of new people who will help him to be even better.

“I have to go, I need to sign my contract and do a press conference. I see you tomorrow right?”

“Yeah, congratulations big boy!” 

“You got this Steve, we love you!” 

Eddie and Nancy scream at their friend before he closes the door. He is ready to go and make his dream come true on camera and paper.

___

You sit in your hotel room, completely confused about Steve’s short drunk call last night. He was so happy, his voice reached a new pitch and you could hear the boys in the back screaming at him to drink more. Right now you scroll through your phone and you see all the news about him, the press conference, the pictures, and the tweets from fans. 

“Don’t you need a date for the gala? I should’ve booked one for you” 

“No, told you I'm dating someone already but it’s private, I want to keep it a secret”

“You know I love you, but secrets in this industry don’t work. They will kill you, look at Page Six they know everything” Betty, your manager, assistant, and favorite person in the world tries to convince you. “I think it’s better if you call that friend of yours, what’s his name? The photographer” 

“He can’t see me with another guy. That’s wrong” 

You haven’t told her who he is, what he does, if he is famous or not. She does look a little worried but saves the speech for later, shaking her head and opening the door so the glam team can come over to help you get ready for the fundraiser. You have been so distracted with the tour, that Betty had to tell you the key points and updates so you have a conversation topic with whoever comes to greet you.

As the makeup artist starts getting you ready, you think about the date you had with Steve. You try to come up with a plan to sneak out of the gala with him. 

Maybe this time you crossed some of the lines that were blurry that day, instead of deciding to go slow. You wanted to get over the feeling of needing him and him needing you more intimately, your bodies have been filled with lust with no time to do something about it. You can’t seem to get enough of each other.

__ 

It’s muscle memory at this point, arriving at the gala and walking by the red carpet, posing for the cameras, and giving some interviews. As you come into the room, you see everyone has a table reserved but Steve is so far away from you. You walk to your table and bump into one of your friends, Vickie.

“Hi! You look amazing Vickie!” 

You hug her, it has been a long time since you haven’t seen her. She makes music as well and she is also an actress. You try to catch up on your lives, and your tours and invite her to one of your shows. She smiles big at the offer and takes your hand to guide you to your table.

“I’m so glad we are sitting together, my friend… she didn’t want to come with me because she already had a date!”

“I’m so sorry she ditched you, but you have me here”

When you arrive at your table, you see a card with your name on top of a set of plates. Empty cups of champagne waiting to be filled to the rim and a gift bag from the event organizers. You notice the cards on the table, Vickie sits next to you and there’s another card that reads-

“Eddie Munson? No way! they are sitting us in groups again. I don’t mind that he is cool, but why can’t we sit with the actors? Who is pushing us aside?”

While Vickie complains you look around, you see a lot of people coming in and greeting each other but you look around the room for Steve.

“Eddie… oh I know him! I went to his concert a few days ago”

“I know he is cool… I kinda wanted to meet another actress though”

“Yeah, it’s weird they divide us into groups”

“At least my friend won’t be at the model's table, she’d be with the athletes”

“Oh, who is she dating?” I am dating Steve, I wish I could sit with him.  you think.

“I’m not sure, her date’s PR team made the arrangement but she knows if they get along maybe something could happen”

“Well, good luck to her!”

You say, with a bitter taste in your mouth. PR relationships never work, they are created out of soulless, money-greedy people. Whoever agrees to them it’s an idiot.

When Eddie shows up, fashionably late. The show starts, and a band plays jazz to set an armonic evening while dinner gets served. You talk to Eddie and Vickie, get to know them more, and complain to them about the music industry. The usual.

After a couple of glasses of champagne, the event goes by quickly, with rounds of applause at the end of every speech and you can’t see Steve anywhere.  You look away from his table, trying to find your friend Jonathan who you know is working here and it’s always nice to chat with him.

“Wow, I know why you ditched me!” Vickie says to her friend, she taps your shoulder to turn your back to greet her, and oh surprise. She has her arm attached to Steve’s. Your breath hitches in your throat, a knot starts to form in your stomach.

“So, this is my friend,” Vickie says her name, and you look at her. She is tall, brunette, and has a red dress that hugs her curves, her makeup is perfectly done and you could swear the walls of the room are closing in, making you feel small and cramped. “And this is…”

“We know each-” his voice interrupts you, and you freeze in your place.

“I'm Steve, Steve Harrington. It’s nice to meet you” 

Did he just? Yes. He just acted like he didn’t know you like you were a total stranger. It breaks your heart, you know he wants to keep you a secret but this, this just feels wrong. His body is stiff, he offers you his hand to shake his and act as if you were meeting for the first time. 

It hurts. It hurts because you wish he at least called you a friend. It hurts because he acts like his hands didn’t leave some kind of tattoo on you. It hurts because your side feels empty, he has a girl to show off when he should have been showing you off. It hurts because he is okay with people thinking they have something going on. It hurts because his gaze is heavy on you, yet he manages to hide his emotions so well that the light that his eyes have when he sees you is gone.

And you feel jealous, but more than that, you feel betrayed. You feel so tired of this world.

You don’t say anything. Not even shake his hand, just walk straight to the door bumping your shoulder with his strong arm. He turns around to see you, not knowing why you did that or why you look so upset. 

Steve sees you walk through the door and his head turns quickly to catch Eddie’s gaze, who is shaking his head and frowning, pressing his lips to stay quiet and not call him an idiot in front of his date and Vickie.

You tell your security guard to take you home and they do. They notice you are upset and thank god they signed a contract so they can’t talk about how your face looks pale and your eyes are glassy, tears swelling up.

When you get home safe, you walk to the bathroom and start to cry. Your mascara starts to fade away along with your eye shadow, leaving trails on your face, you look at yourself. You look so broken, but in a way you did this to yourself because you agreed to be a secret, to be his secret.

You look away from the mirror and walk to the corner of your bathroom, your back pressed against the cold tiles you let your body fall to the floor and curl up so your knees are pressed against your chest. 

You start to cry more because you feel like such an idiot, of course, he was going to pretend nothing was going on, you didn’t expect him to take such good care of his reputation and make plans to hide you.

But you agreed to this.

You wanted to be his little secret.

And one thing about Steve… he is good at keeping secrets.

tags @eddiesguitarskills @hipsternerd9 @afraidofshrimp @rexorangecouny @crowssixof @wiltedflowerz-blog @keerysfolklore @micheledawn1975 @thxtmarvelchick @sunnythevampireslayer thank you for the support!! (comment if you want to join the tag list!!)

I hope you like this series, feedback is appreciated! don't forget to REBLOG TO SUPPORT THE AUTHOR! . ♡

[meetmebehindthemall13]

FOLKLORE IS NOT AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL, IT’S NOT ABOUT HER! IT’S FROM MADE UP CHARACTERS POVs!1!1!1!

Ok. Sure Jan!

In this essay I will explain why I think it’s quite the opposite. For the record I don’t think there has ever been a more personal, emotionally transparent and intimate album.

The 1

- Lyrical reference to ME! “I never leave well enough alone”

- TIWWCHNT aesthetics (Roaring twenties, jumping in pool from the trampoline, feeling so Gatsby for that whole year).

- Curiously associated to “the 1”, Big Sur highway or the Subway Line in NYC

Cardigan

- Reference to High Line in the West Village. Because when it’s like 10 minutes from Franklin Street or Charles Street, MUST be about other people right?

- Once in 20 lifetimes, 20 is almost the new 13 lately.

- “Loves me like I’m brand new” CIWYW vibes/main concept

The last great American dynasty

- Explicit parallels between Rebekah’s life and Taylor’s and the way the neighbors judged both of them. The parties, loud women, pack bitch friends.

- Interesting St. Louis reference

- Interesting “wedding was charming if a little gauche” (gauche defintion by dictionary.com: lacking social grace, sensitivity, or acuteness; awkward; crude; tactless) ...........ring any bell?

Exile

- I’m just going to leave these here and not even gonna waist my time explaining

My tears recochet

- Obvious reference to BMR, SBX2

- Very suspicious at the diamond ring but I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt

Mirrorball

- On the pressure that the desire to always be liked, appreciated, validated, approved by others please watch Miss Americana.

- On the pressure of double standards in the music industry for women, her words: “Be new to us, be young to us—but only in a new way and only the way we want. Reinvent yourself but only in a way that we find to be equally comforting and a challenge for you. Live out a narrative that we find interesting enough to entertain us, but not so crazy that it makes us uncomfortable. This is probably one of my last opportunities as an artist to grasp on to that kind of success, so I don't know. As I'm reaching 30, I want to work really hard, um, while society is still tolerating me being successful."

Seven

- Chilhood memories in Pennsylvania under her, are there still beautiful things?

- Won’t comment on braids like a pattern or the hide in the closet lines.

August

- Guest starring the recurring theme of hiding and keeping things secret, let’s make it a regular character because it’s here to stay.

- Will you call when you’re back at school. CAN name of someone who was attending school while having a relationship with Taylor. But won’t.

This is me trying

- Pulling car off the road to the lookout. Now there’s some suggestive photo reference for this line. Google it: Taylor Swift Big Sur

- “It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you. You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town.” I’m sure everybody has to live with the face of their ex lover on screens all over your town, especially when the city screams their name. Very common.

Illicit affairs

- “You showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else” AND “you taught me a secret language I can’t speak with anyone else” sound very autobiographical but I will give this the benefit of the doubt as well.

- “And you know damn well for you I would ruin myself” is the big sister of “And baby, for you, I would fall from grace just to touch your face”, fight me on that.

Invisible string

- Centennial park in Nashville.

- Bad blood, Yogurt shop.

- Thread of gold.

- Blues and then purple-pink skies.

- Dive bar reference. Dive bar where you at.

Mad woman

- SBX2

- Cannons firing at a yatch. Sure it’s a fictional Betty here talking.

- Witch hunt makes yet another appearance.

Epiphany

- This actually is too personal for the whole world.

Betty

- Wondering if Betty’s garden has a gate you could sneak through.

- Inez and James, Blake and Ryan’s daughters. BOTH female. But sure take only what you need from Taylor’s personal life inspiration.

Peace

- So the person who’s writing is convinced that danger and troubles are always going to come to them and their lover because of their very identity, because of who they are and who they represent. Archer anyone? “Who could ever leave me baby but who could stay”.

- Robbers to the east. Clowns to the West (capitalized).

- Your brother as my brother.

- Love for show and dying for the same love in secret.

Hoax

- My best laid plan....“I am an architect I’m drawing up the plans”

- “You knew the hero died so what's the movie for?” Is “And all of my hero died all alone”‘s cousin. Study that family tree.

- “You know I left a part of me back in New York”

- Your faithless love is the only hoax I believe in. Either you feel this or you don’t. I don’t make the rules.

[bisluthq]

SS Tily does not lay claim to Lover; a thesis

I thought this would take me longer but y’all, I’m done with Part 2 of my Gaylor analyses. Unfortunately this chapter brings bad news for Tily nation. I honestly don’t think many of the songs on Lover are about that relationship. But I also think it’s not as simple as the mainstream Kaylor narrative would have us believe. Let’s dive into this, shall we? 

First things first. I think it’s worth noting that many of the songs on this album are not about romantic relationships at all. Like it’s a bit of a marketing ploy to portray it as an album primarily about romantic love when so many songs explicitly aren’t about that feeling. In fact, there are more themes on Lover than on any of her earlier stuff - it’s something she expands on in folklore. 

I Forgot That You Existed, The Man, The Archer (which I firmly believe is about her debating coming out), Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince (very obviously about the political situation generally and supported by the doccie title), London Boy, Soon You’ll Get Better, YNTCD, and ME! are all about explicitly different themes. Obviously there are a couple references within those (like ME! has that line about “I never leave well enough alone” which reappears on the 1, and The Archer mentions someone “staying” but I still think ME! is about self-love not romantic love and The Archer is about personal anxiety around identity). Fundamentally, they are not love songs.

I don’t think that’s really up for debate. The only one I can see anyone - say Toes or like hardcore Tily fans - debating is London Boy. Unfortunately for my Tily babes, I do think it’s satire that serves as a homage to Joe and the other British beards, and possibly riffs a teeny bit on her time with Lily. Contrary to some gold medalists in Kaylor mental gymnastics, I fully believe Tay does make reference to Joe in her lyrics (I’ve mentioned the fictional verse for Dress and the reference to “keeping him” in Ready for It). This really doesn’t have any of the hallmarks of Tily songs off of Rep. The British references in CIWYW, KOMH and Delicate are subtle and chilled and actually quite cute. London Boy is an onslaught of non-sequiturs about London, the UK and her beards. Also “stories from uni” fits both Joe and Tom H, but it doesn’t fit Lily who never went to university. All her Lily songs are about hiding out in private; London Boy is all about galavanting around town with “his” friends (Lily and Tay had the same friends though?) It’s simply not about the same person or the same relationship. 

I do think there’s a chance it could be poking fun (lightly) at Lily/that period she spent in London because as I’ve already said I think Tay is not above shading ex-girlfriends and it seems like the kind of thing Karlie would’ve also found a bit funny. I think when she got back together with Karlie - which almost definitely happened - she would’ve 100% laughed about the “say you fancy me not fancy stuff” era. That would explain the recurrence of both Motown and queen imagery, which first appeared on KOMH. But where KOMH felt very genuine and authentic, this one is obviously meant to be funny. 

Right. So. Now that we’ve established 8 songs are about other themes, let’s get the Kaylor songs sorted: Cruel Summer, Cornelia Street, DBATC, False God and Daylight are all undeniably about Karlie fucking Kloss. They all feature the images and tropes and hallmarks that pepper Karlie songs. They all have the same kinds of emotions. And they paint a pretty sad, troubling and complex picture. 

Cruel Summer comes first and seems to mostly be about their first breakup, which she first referred to on DWOHT. We have Tay once again begging Karlie to stay and work it out and not being certain for sure about her feelings.  

We say that we'll just screw it up in these trying times

We're not trying (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it)

I mean that’s super sad. Tay’s saying they discussed how they’ll fuck it all up, and she’s feeling like they’re not even trying to fix things. You also have that “I want it” which is interesting considering the “we” that preceded it. “We’re” not trying because only “I want it”. Ouch. 

Killing me slow, out the window

I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

And it's new, the shape of your body

It's blue, the feeling I've got

And it's ooh, whoa oh

It's a cruel summer

It's cool, that's what I tell 'em

No rules in breakable heaven

But ooh, whoa oh

It's a cruel summer

With you

Here we have “I’m always waiting for you” which yet again suggests Tay is the one who’s more invested. Then we have the shape of “your” body (which is a familiar concept from Dress), but the feeling it gives her here is blue here not gold - maybe that’s why the shape is new? In the past Karlie’s body made her feel golden but now it’s a bluer, sadder feeling. Blue starts recurring more frequently on these late era Kaylor songs. There’s a possible alternate reading, which is blue = Swiftgron (“my love had been frozen deep blue”). It’s a nice theory but it just doesn’t gel with the garden gate below. Also, while both relationships seem to have been colored by commitment issues, the premise of unrequitedness doesn’t really feature on the songs about Di. She asks Di to stay, tells her she’s thinking of her, and they’re “too in love to think straight” but Tay never says Karlie loves her back. Ever. It’s never expressly mutual. 

I'm drunk in the back of the car

And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (Oh)

Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (Oh)

And I scream, "For whatever it's worth

I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

He looks up, grinning like a devil

Look at that fourth line. It perfectly fits with the Kaylor narrative on Rep and it doesn’t fit the Tily songs at all. She wanted to keep that second relationship private and secret and hidden. And here she’s saying “I don’t want to keep secrets” - this is take two of “I don’t want you like a best friend”. Also the “for whatever it’s worth” reminds me of “here’s the truth” from End Game. It’s the kind of thing you’d say in the midst of a fight. 

Then we have her screaming “I love you” and receiving no reply as usual beyond a devilish grin. The more I do these analyses the less I understand how or why Kaylor gets romanticized in the way it does, while Swiftgron gets bashed for toxicity. Like my girl Tay has a thing for chaotic lesbians with commitment issues and Kaylor seems like it was WILD. 

Back to the lyrics, this time let’s look at Kaylor anthem Cornelia Street:

We were in the backseat

Drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar

"I rent a place on Cornelia Street"

I say casually in the car

We were a fresh page on the desk

Filling in the blanks as we go

As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead

Leading us home

I find this whole song really interesting because it features one of Tay’s favorite ideas - glamorizing normal people things. It’s like the time with the “motel bar” in Getaway Car. Like she 100% was thrilled to be able to say “I’m renting this apartment” - never mind that it’s basically a whole ass house. I actually think the above verse is really beautiful. I know I give Kaylor a lot of shit but obviously there were beautiful moments and Tay had/has plenty of good memories. 

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name

And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

I mean frankly this verse above is super insecure in the standard Kaylor way. Tay’s saying she’s terrified of Karlie walking away and that she “hopes” she never loses her. The tone is sad, forlorn and a little desperate. I also think it’s interesting that she says she’d never walk Cornelia Street again, and that the city screams Karlie’s name and then on hoax she goes ahead and says she left a part of herself back in New York. It’s almost like her fears and anxieties did prove justified. Poor baby. 

Windows flung right open, autumn air

Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours

We bless the rains on Cornelia Street

Memorize the creaks in the floor

Back when we were card sharks, playing games

I thought you were leading me on

I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street

Before you even knew I was gone

But then you called, showed your hand

I turned around before I hit the tunnel

Sat on the roof, you and I

Those first four lines seem to be about the good again, and I’m happy for them. I really do think they had good times. Those four lines make me think of parts of YAIL and the toast and weekends and stuff. 

The rest of this verse though seems to be about the first split and subsequent reunion. “I thought you were leading me on” she says, and I “left Cornelia Street” presumably to go to London. But then Karlie called her back, “showed her hand” and Tay “turned around” before she reached the point of no return and they worked it out. “Sat on the roof, you and I” is similar in content to “up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush” but very different in tone. She’s not peppy here, she’s not positive. It’s a little bit tortured - and then it continues with “hoping it never ends”. The reappearance of the Tily imagery on Kaylor 2.0 songs makes sense to me, again, because discussing exes in the same social circle as you is just blatant lesbian culture. It makes complete sense that these two women are on Taylor’s mind. She has really really deep feelings for Karlie but she enjoyed the more simple and straightforward relationship she had with Lily. 

DBATC is the Kaylor 1.0 breakup anthem:

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

Flashbacks waking me up

I get drunk, but it's not enough

'Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

I look through the windows of this love

Even though we boarded them up

Chandelier's still flickering here

'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not

It's death by a thousand cuts

We have her getting drunk to forget, trying to say “I’m fine” when it’s not true, and just generally missing Karlie. 

I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home

I mean, this is Cornelia Street (“never walk here again”) and Dress all over again. It’s the two ideas from before but now on the other side, because they’re actually broken up. 

And what once was ours is no one's now

I see you everywhere, the only thing we share

Is this small town

You said it was a great love, one for the ages

But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?

“I see you everywhere” is very “this city screams your name” and I think “small town” is a metaphor for their social circle. The last two lines are just Tay being hung up on Karlie. She was writing pages in Cornelia Street as well, so this whole idea of telling a story with Karlie is another recurrent image. 

My heart, my hips, my body, my love

Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch

Gave up on me like I was a bad drug

Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club

Our songs, our films, united, we stand

Our country, guess it was a lawless land

Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust

Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up

Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough

But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

I mean this is the usual obsession, desperation and general pining Tay has for Karlie. We also have Karlie touching her briefly, which is something she has spoken about before and is really into. Paper-thin plans is probably about the plans to make it work? We have that image reparations later in hoax so I think it’s most likely about Karlie bailing on Tay’s PR game and doing her own thing and/or Karlie’s (accidental?) involvement in the masters heist. 

Also, this whole song is very sad but it’s not on the level of desperation I would expect if Tay wasn’t rebounding hard and if they didn’t reunite. She’s pretty sad about how the whole thing went down but she does say she’ll “be alright” which is the opposite of “that’s the kind of heartbreak time could never mend”. I think she wrote this after the first breakup and Cornelia Street came later, after they were back together. That’s when she really went all in into this relationship. It still wasn’t enough. 

False God is about their reunion:

We were crazy to think

Crazy to think that this could work

Remember how I said I'd die for you?

We were stupid to jump

In the ocean separating us

Remember how I'd fly to you?

We know Tay ran away to Europe after the mess of 2016 and here she jumps into the ocean separating them and flies back to Karlie. The idea of it being “crazy” that it could work is also a recurrent fear/anxiety she has with regards to Karlie. “I had a bad feeling,” remember?

And I can't talk to you when you're like this

Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town

I'm New York City, I still do it for you, babe

They all warned us about times like this

They say the road gets hard and you get lost

When you're led by blind faith, blind faith

They’re figuring things out, and Tay is New York - Karlie’s favorite city. “I still do it for you” is an admission of affection, which rarely happens in Kaylor songs, but it’s so sexual that I don’t find it shocking or out of character. 

But we might just get away with it

Religion's in your lips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship

We might just get away with it

The altar is my hips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship this love

I mean sex songs are just peak Kaylor and this is all just so so so gay and I don’t understand how hets can make it make srnse. “We might just get away with it” is the usual Kaylor anxiety by the way. 

I know heaven's a thing

I go there when you touch me, honey

Hell is when I fight with you

But we can patch it up good

Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness

Got the wine for you

And you can't talk to me when I'm like this

Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you

You're the West Village

You still do it for me, babe

They all warned us about times like this

They say the road gets hard and you get lost

When you're led by blind faith, blind faith

Standard Kaylor imagery with sensual touching, wine and New York and a direct reference to Karlie’s apartment. I think “make confessions and we’re begging for forgiveness” appears to refer to the reunion. 

Daylight is a very beautiful love song for Karlie. The “golden”, the bodies intertwining, New York, and the depth of her emotions all fit the Kaylor story and narrative. I think she wrote this when they were back together. It’s also, as is common with the Kaylor songs, squarely from Tay’s perspective. She wrote it alone, and I think specifically for Karlie when they reunited. Very pretty, very nice. I mean they ended up breaking up and that was bound to happen in like every other song but when they were good Tay did create some gems and they were very happy. I love this song and I do like aspects of Kaylor’s time together. 

Now we get onto the songs that don’t neatly fit Kaylor. 

Afterglow could be a Kaylor song. But it could also be about the breakup with her rebound. It’s not only by Tay, so we’re looking for broad themes rather than specifics necessarily. 

Hey, it's all me, in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

But it's not what I meant

Sorry that I hurt you

I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you (Ooh)

I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh)

I need to say, hey, it's all me, just don't go

Meet me in the afterglow

I don’t know that this sounds like the Kaylor breakup we heard about. It’s a different premise to False God, DBATC and Cornelia Street. In all of those songs it was a mutual breakup/misunderstanding. “I can’t talk to you” and then “you can’t talk to me” in False God is a two-way communication issue. DBATC goes off at Karlie for taking up every part of her and “giving up on me”. Cornelia Street said Tay thought Karlie was “leading her on” but that was resolved. Then Afterglow goes and lays all the blame on Tay. 

I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Went off like sirens, just crying

Why'd I have to break what I love so much?

It's on your face, don't walk away, I need to say

Hey, it's all me, in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

I mean this really does sound like it’s Tay fucking up badly. Not wanting to let the other person in, taking it out on them, hurting her lover. 

It's so excruciating to see you low

Just wanna lift you up and not let you go

This ultraviolet morning light below

Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh

This really doesn’t sound like the Kaylor fear and stress. It sounds like the cerebral and emotional connection from Rep. “It’s so excruciating to see you low” seems tied up with the heart to hearts and conversations she was having in those secondary songs on Rep. 

Tell me that you're still mine

Tell me that we'll be just fine

Even when I lose my mind

I need to say

Tell me that it's not my fault

Tell me that I'm all you want

Even when I break your heart

I need to say

This just seems like a very different plan for fixing things than the one outlined in the Kaylor songs (which is “let’s bone”). Also “I break your heart” is an anxiety that seems to parallel the burgeoning love in Delicate, KOMH and CIWYW. It doesn’t seem like a Kaylor fear because Tay is always the one who wants Karlie more. I believe this is mostly a Tily breakup song. 

Then we get the three happy songs on the album: Lover, I Think He Knows and Paper Rings. It’s actually pretty intense that there are only three peppy, romantic songs on an album largely touted by Gaylors and Hetlors alike as being about a happy long term relationship. 

You want my controversial explanation for these songs? They’re fictional. All three are extremely vague and lacking in any of the Karlie/other person imagery. They’re like New Year’s Day and some of the early stuff. 

I Think He Knows is a very hetro song. It physically pains me to say that, it really does, but nothing about it seems gay to me. I guess “boyish look” is something you could say about some women but that’s really a reach. Also it’s just very much not a relatable lesbian emotion. I’ve never met a queer woman being like “yeah I think she KNOWS, you know?” about her girlfriend. “She’s so obsessed with me and boy I understand” would make no sense. Us sapphics are compulsive overthinkers. And that’s what comes across on all her songs about Karlie and about Di and even those Tily songs from Rep. That’s largely why Tay’s stuff is so damn gay. 

Tay’s permanently anxious - even on her love songs, there’s a thread of anxiety running through it all. This song is missing any of that anxiety. This song also has so, so many male pronouns…. And “I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans” is an objectively weird thing to say about a relationship. It just doesn’t strike me as sapphic, and it definitely doesn’t strike me as being about Karlie lr Lily or Di. Also Nashville is 16th Avenue and I don’t know why any of the women would be associated with Nashville.

That Nashville reference makes me think that maybe the song is inspired by the music industry generally? If you go look at 16th Avenue by Lacy J. Dalton, there’s a clear narrative about the music industry. I think it’s possible that Tay’s song is referencing the love she feels for and from the music industry and her fans. That would tie into the architectural plans, being 17 (she often speaks about being stuck at that age because it’s when she got famous), and “he’s so obsessed with me” makes sense when you’re AOTD. Even the “attitude” line makes sense in this interpretation. 

This bit:

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

"So where we gonna go?"

I whisper in the dark

"Where we gonna go?"

I think he knows

Is a little harder to make sense of and seems like it could maybe be about Lily or at least inspired by her - there’s the car/driving theme from the secondary Rep relationship and Lily does have indigo eyes (they’re way bluer than Joe’s). So maybe she used images and diaries from that period to add to the story about Nashville? But overall this smugness just doesn’t strike me as very gay and in general the song doesn’t seem to be about any one woman in her history. Also “better lock it down or I won’t stick around” is so very hetro and like… untortured. 

Paper Rings is not about Karlie but I also don’t think it’s about Lily. 

The moon is high

Like your friends were the night that we first met

Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet

Now I've read all of the books beside your bed

The wine is cold

Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street

Cat and mouse for a month or two or three

Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe

This is not about Karlie. We’ve heard repeatedly that they fell in love at first sight so “month or two or three” is kinda wild? Like they full on U-Hauled it with the Big Sur trip and Tay moving to New York and Karlie basically moving into her apartment. They were never cat and mouse? Also Karlie was a supermodel by the time they met one another so “trying to stalk you on the internet” seems a bit of an odd way to phrase it. There would’ve been plenty to find. They both had big reputations. Moreover, they had multiple mutual friends so “your friends” is also an odd turn of phrase. How does this verse fit any aspect of the Kaylor love story? 

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool

When you jumped in first, I went in too

I'm with you even if it makes me blue

Which takes me back

To the color that we painted your brother's wall

Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws

We wouldn't be standing here so tall, so

This is also very not Kaylor lol except for the tall part. The chilled out hanging out and swimming and wall painting sounds more like the songs about Tily on Rep. 

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings

Uh huh, that's right

Darling, you're the one I want, and

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

Uh huh, that's right

Darling, you're the one I want

In paper rings in picture frames in dirty dreams

Oh, you're the one I want

This seems like it could be Tily because of the “we went from friends to this” (Kaylor were never friends, and had no intention of being friends, they’ve literally only ever dated). But I’m not sure Tay ever wanted to marry Lily? That’s not what comes across in the other Tily songs. 

I want to drive away with you

I want your complications too

I want your dreary Mondays

Wrap your arms around me, baby boy

The driving and the chilledness is similar to the Tily songs but I’m still not sold. It really doesn’t feel particularly authentic. 

Also, I know I mostly do lyric analysis but I’d like to include this quote from Tay about the song: “This song talks about true love, and if you really find true love, you probably don't really care what the symbolism of that love is. Material things wouldn't matter to you anymore if you found someone that you just wanted to live your life with.” The quote is distinctly hypothetical. “You probably don’t really care” “wouldn’t” “if you found”....

My gut says this is based around positive romantic relationships she has had but is extrapolated to a rosy conclusion. One day, Tay’s gonna want to marry someone with paper rings. But for now it’s a fictional hypothetical. None of the details fit any of her relationships. It’s made up. That’s why it includes the “baby boy” line... because it’s fiction. 

And now for the really hot take… Lover is equally made up, although she was - again - inspired by her real relationships. 

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January

This is our place, we make the rules

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear

Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

This is continuing the themes from New Year’s Day which always strikes me as a “what if” rather than an actual ode to one of the muses. That final line seems like it could be about Karlie but the absolute calmness with which she sings makes it seem like it’s not about her. The mysterious way is also a brand new image and considering how much she sings about Karlie you would’ve thought we’d have had that image at least once before?

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out and take me home

You're my, my, my, my

Lover

I mean this doesn’t sound like Kaylor. Part of the anxiety there is always about going places together and being seen. It does have bits that seem like Tily to me; “take me out and take me home” kind of reminds me of the “meet me in the back” and “can we always be this close” seems similar to “is it chill that you’re in my head?” 

We could let our friends crash in the living room

This is our place, we make the call

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

The first three lines could be about either Karlie or Lily although I don’t know if Tily had “their place”. Kaylor definitely did. 

That last line… is kinda why I think this is mostly fiction. I mean we know it doesn’t make sense for Toe. We know that. And I know about the gymnastics to fit it as a Kaylor song. But the thing is, even if she wrote it around the time that they went away to Wyoming, why wouldn’t she update it when recording it? It literally doesn’t fit the Toe timeline so it can’t be that she wanted it for that. She could’ve made it vague. But no she says “three summers”. Where else have we heard about “three summers”?

September saw a month of tears

And thankin' God that you weren't here

To see me like that

But in a box beneath my bed

Is a letter that you never read

From three summers back

It's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet

That’s from Tim McGraw. 

She just likes that image. It recurs. It’s not about Karlie, and it’s not about Lily, and it’s obviously not about Joe. It’s just a pretty turn of phrase. She loves counting in summers and Cruel Summers and the summer in Betty/august…. It’s not something she associates with one person. 

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

With every guitar string scar on my hand

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my

Lover

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be over-dramatic and true to my

Lover

This whole wedding bit doesn’t make sense for either Kaylor or Tily or Swiftgron. Like she’s constantly questioning Karlie’s commitment to her. And you want me to believe she’s singing vows? Lol no. 

And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

And at every table, I'll save you a seat

Lover

Very cute. Very non-specific. Not about any one partner. 

So this supposed ode/serenade to Karlie doesn’t feature any of the images associated with her and doesn’t include any details that actively fit their relationship arc as described elsewhere except for jealousy and possibly love at first sight. 

These three peppy love songs - which make up the minority of songs on the album - are about Taylor’s manifestations for the future. ITHK could be about the industry more generally. The other two are describing what she wants and what she pictures as ideal for a relationship. 

So conclusions: a large chunk of the songs on Lover aren’t about romance. Many, many are about Karlie. Afterglow could be about Lily and some of the regrets Tay had about the split. Paper Rings, I Think He Knows and Lover aren’t about anyone in particular. 

Last thought: I agree that It’s Nice To Have a Friend is about lesbians generally. But also possibly about Karlie, in which case the final verse is Karlie choosing the marriage with Josh and in that case the song is fucking devastating and heartbreaking. But tbh a lot about Kaylor is so it’s no surprise 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

---------------------------------------------------

As usual, I’m up to discuss this. Do you agree? Disagree? Let’s talk! xx

[klossykaylorswift]

My version of what I think went down with Kaylor.

I’m a long time OG Kaylor from 2013-14. I would love it if they were still together. It would make my little lesbian heart so happy! But, there are a few songs on this album that make me thing they broke up. I just want to throw some things I’ve noticed out here. Some are facts and others are hypothesis. I’ve gone back-n-forth on whether I think they’re still together or not. I think her last couple albums have had some songs that made me think... well, maybe they’re not.

The 1

We were something, don't you think so? Rosé flowing with your chosen family And it would've been sweet If it could've been me In my defense, I have none For digging up the grave another time But it would've been fun If you would've been the one

The above lyrics say to me that Karlie choose Josh’s family and the Rosé is about her wedding to him. Then, the grave reference reminds me of the “I TRIED” pin with the daisy growing out of it. “For digging up the grave another time”. I think that means Taylor tried many times to get her back. There’s another lyric, “never leaving well enough alone”. That one also makes me think Taylor really did try. I think when she says “You wear the same jewels that I gave you, as you bury me”. Means, Karlie married him any way, even knowing that Taylor’s heart was broken beyond any pain she will ever feel again.

Cardigan

Chase two girls, lose the one

I’m going a different direction than some of you because I think the person who chased two girls and lost “the one’ (being Karlie) is Taylor. These two songs are linked in my opinion because they are both about ‘the 1’ I think maybe Taylor made a mistake, she confessed to her (make confessions and were begging for forgiveness) but because of it, she lost Karlie: The 1  

I think after they broke up, Karlie chose to go back to Josh and because he lost her the first time, he quickly put a ring on it. She took his family not Taylor’s.

Then, here’s where I get back on the Kaylor Train. I just think Josh is really gay with Mikey and that it very well could be a long time bearding situation. But, if it isn't just bearding then maybe she really did marry him. It would make sense of why Karlie would continue bearding even after finding happiness with Taylor.

Exile

I can see you standing, honey With his arms around your body

Laughin’ but the jokes not funny at all And it took you five whole minutes To pack us up and leave me with it Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

I again get the feeling this is Karlie marrying Josh. And, right after that comes:

My Tears Ricochet

I know some of you think this is about losing her masters to SB2. I do not think a song with this much lost love emotion would be about that, Mad Woman is about that, definitely. Again, I think Taylor tried very hard to get Karlie back but it was too late. Probably why Taylor has a lot of regrets about it. However, I think what Karlie did to Taylor on multiple occasions (in my opinion) was so awful.

This song rips my heart out. How much pain Taylor felt watching Karlie being with Josh, her working under Scooter, the person who said he ‘owns’ Taylor. If you recall, Karlie was hanging out with that uber rich group including Scooter and his wretched wife on Geffen’s yacht. The worst people, the very ones that caused Taylor so much pain. I think Karlie burned her bad. Like they were all enjoying themselves, laughin’ (just like the above lyric, but the joke was not funny). It was in Taylor’s face. Like how could Karlie do that to her?  I know some of you think ‘contract’, but I don’t think so. Karlie doesn’t need money. And, If she’s in a relationship (or was in one ) with Taylor, she certainly did not  need the money! I just know Taylor would not want her girlfriend (or wife, whatever you want to believe) to be with the same assholes that behind her back bought her masters and forever took away her music. These are the people who fucked up her life, took her life’s work and basically tore it from her grasp. You want me to believe that Taylor was okay with her woman doing that because she was bearding for Josh? I mean really, just think about it.

It must have emotionally destroyed Taylor. I think she must have been so angry and cried a lot over this scenario going down. Watching Karlie laughing with those assholes must have ripped her heart out. I think Taylor may have went off screaming and crying, trying to get her back. That’s why she didn’t have it in herself to go with grace because maybe she went off on Karlie, Maybe, this song is about how things went down when they ended it.  

Okay, that’s my hypothesis. I then, recall the home video of CIWYW and when Taylor is singing, playing the guitar, she puts her foot up so the camera cant see her mouth and then its clear as day: Karlie sings the next part. Taylor smiles! If that happened before or after the yacht thing, I don’t know. But for me, that’s the biggest piece of Kaylor proof that they’re together. Taylor says “I love you” to the person who filmed it ( I know for a fact it was Karlie) when you watch that clip on Miss Americana. That, along with many, many, many, other pieces of proof.

As you can see, I go back and forth as to if they’re still together or not!

Here’s a couple things people probably already know:

Peter Losing Wendy is a Peter Pan reference. Peter Pan’s part was mostly (or always) played by a women. Interesting she picked that couple.

Rebekah West Harkness is also known as Betty Harkness.

Rebekah had a group of female friends she called the “bitch pack”. It was not used by Taylor as a 2014 “squad” reference.

Okay, thanks for coming to my Ted talk... good talk!  Happy 2020!

[a-walk-in-silence]

Coffee To Go

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader

Word Count: 4.4k

Summary: There’s a war looming over head, and with 0 new notifications from Steve, you might just be stuck dealing with the situation with a newfound friend.

Warnings: Infinity War, cursing, mentions of wounds (not very descriptive), character death, crying, abandonment

A/N: Welcome to the sequel that I've promised for over a year! I suck, ik, but at least it's here now! Yay!

Previous Part | Masterlist

You were in the middle of your daily morning routine, humming peacefully to yourself as you prepped breakfast, the gentle smell of coffee wafting through the air. This was your usual routine, only ever broken when Steve would somehow manage to sneak his way into your New York apartment once every 3 months. But it had now been 5 months, and you weren't sure if you'd see him again. Something was brewing. It all felt… wrong. Maybe it was the nerves, but it had been around 2 years since the Avengers split, and there wasn't anything world ending in that time. Sure, there had been that thing with Spider-Man and the Vulture in Queens, but overall, it had been really quiet.

You hated when it was quiet.

Call it nerves, but you now always had a fight bag packed, ready for action. Tony had helped you prepare the bag during his free time in between international affairs and being the mentor to a plucky upstart superhero with a knack for ending up in dangerous situations. But, overall, the two of you had managed to make a DoomsDay bag that would put the military to shame. It was ready for anything, with a custom suit that could withstand space built in. You were ready for whatever was coming. Just not for how it would come about.

A yellow ring started to appear in your dining room, drawing your attention away from the berries you had been cutting. Inside the ring formed some kind of portal to another room where you could very clearly see a ruined staircase and a few people standing around. One of them was very obviously Tony, and you could have sworn that one of them was Bruce. But Bruce has been off planet for 3 years. The other two were people you had never known, but you were certain that they had been included in one of Fury's debrief emails that he sent you whenever something went down.

Tony and the taller of the two strangers turned to look at you. Tony looked agitated, like he had just been rubbed the wrong way. But he still forced a smile and beckoned you to join them. "We need that brain of yours, Americana. Apparently that thing we've spent years prepping for? It's happening."

Your blood ran cold as you looked around your apartment. This was definitely not good. Nope. Bucky needed someone to take care of him. And what about Steve?

"Fuck, let me get my bag," you mumbled, rushing away from them. You slung the bag over your shoulder and walked out the front door, knocking on your neighbors door. He opened it, raising and eyebrow at you in curiosity.

"Doomsday?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe. He was wearing a robe, ratty tank top, and faded pj pants. He always wore this in the mornings when he would come over with his 6 year old daughter, bringing groceries that you had given him money for (as well as a little extra for him and his daughter to go out to eat whenever they wanted). He was always helpful, given the fact that she couldn't go out in a world where she was always remembered as Steve Rogers girlfriend, only good for knowing his whereabouts.

Yeah. Like he told you where he was. Ever. He hadn't even responded in the past few months. He was just gone.

"Doomsday. Can you take care of Bucky while I'm gone? I don't know how long I'll be gone or…" you trailed off, unable to say just what you were feeling. That you could not come back. "Just… here's the key to the apartment. Thank you, Bobby. Really. For everything. Tell Penny I said bye, okay?"

He looked solemn as he nodded, taking the apartment keys from your outstretched hand. "I promise."

You gave him a firm nod, complemented by a forced smile. With that, you returned to the apartment, walking into the portal where Tony was bickering with the other two men about Ben and Jerry flavors based off of the Avengers. Tony thought his flavor was great, but clearly they disagreed.

"You know, personally I'm a fan of Chocolate Garcia, no need for a reminder of the people that aren't even around," you said, grabbing the gloves that you and Tony had been making for the past few months before dropping the bag on the ground. "What's the situation?"

"Thanos," Bruce said, speaking up from where he was kind of curled up on the bottom stair, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. "He's not a good guy. Really big and purple. He beat the Hulk like it was nobody's business. He's after the stones, and we currently have two of them here, on Earth. He already has two, and he's coming here next."

You looked at Tony. You both knew this was coming. But geez. This was a mess. And neither one of you knew where any of the Avengers were. "Well then, I guess we're going to have to give him the news, Stark."

"The news about what? Your boyfriend being awol?" he snarked before raising an eyebrow. "Or that the Avengers would prefer it if he just didn't?"

"Tell him that the Earth is closed to outsiders, obviously." You gave him a smirk and he laughed in response. "Besides, how fast can he even get here?"

You really need to learn to bite your tongue sometimes. Truly. Because the moment those words left your mouth, everything started to crash outside, followed by screaming and running feet. Everyone ran outside, and you followed, grabbing your bag as you went. Outside, the streets of New York were in pure chaos. People running, crashed cars, knocked over lamp posts. Oh, and a giant doughnut in the sky.

You followed the group, running the other way from the chaos to see two aliens walking down the middle of the street: weird alien Hulk and Squidward from Spongebob. As if reading your mind, Tony spoke up.

"Hey, Squidward! Yeah, sorry, Earth is closed today. Yeah, we're not accepting outsiders at the moment, there's kind of this issue with boy bands breaking up and the world falling apart and we really just don't need this right now." You stifled a laugh as you turned away for a moment, garnering the attention of the lanky weird one.

"She smells of the space stone," he remarks, eyeing you up and down. "An old guardian, perhaps. Clearly she has failed. No less." He looks towards the tall "wizard" as Tony referred to him as. "You have something we require. We ask for you to hand it over."

You rolled your eyes, stepping forward. "Sorry, the wizard isn't in a sharing mood. Thanks for asking, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Silence your pets, holder, and speak for yourself." You glowered at Squidward's response, remaining quiet but not for much longer. So Dumbledore better speak fast.

"You can't have the stone," he said firmly.

Well, all hell broke loose at that point. The wizard got knocked out, Bruce couldn't beef up, the Spider kid showed up, and now you were on a spaceship, having just gotten rid of Squidward and saved the wizard, now known as Doctor Strange. Yep, that's why you forgot the name. Because it was his ACTUAL name and it was such a bad name. You made sure to try and remember it.

You were sitting alone in a corner, staring at the phone that had started ringing the moment you hit space. It had been Steve. You wanted to answer but the cell service died the moment it started ringing. Your heart was hurting, but luckily the nano suit covered your face for the most part. No one could see you falling apart even though you very much were. You hoped he would be safe, but you knew he was an idiot and would run head first into the fight, especially if he didn't know if you were safe or not.

Tony joined you, taking the phone from your hand. "He hasn't been around for several months. Him calling was probably because Bruce took the flip phone Steve gave me and called him. He has his own problems to deal with. Ours is to safely land wherever the hell we're going and to keep the good Doctor from handing over the stone."

You shook your head, trying to contain the laughter you felt bubbling up inside. "We both knew this was coming. I tried to reach out and tell him to prepare or to even come back with the other Avengers so we could face this thing together. And he wouldn't pick up my calls or answer my texts. But I still miss him, Tony. He's my Pepper. Or I'm his Pepper. I don't really know." You looked at your companions as Strange meditated and the Spiderling bounced all around, reenacting the moment he was deemed an Avenger in a silly way. He bounced and bounced and bounced. He reminded you of Bucky on catnip, and the time Bucky bounced so high up that he came crashing down into the coffee maker.

The coffee maker. Crap! You left it on!

Groaning, you leaned further into the wall. Tony raised an eyebrow at you, brown eyes studying your expression to see if he could understand what had you even more upset than Steve ghosting you.

"I left the coffee maker on. And I didn't even get to have coffee. This sucks." You pouted, causing Tony to laugh. Coffee had become your bloodline while the two of you worked hard on developing your suit. And Tony was the exact same. Neither one of you slept, simply staying up and tinkering, planning Doomsday. And now neither of you would have coffee for a very long time.

"Guess you had a late start today, then," he chuckled, watching the other two. "Can't blame you, of course, given the fact that I haven't even slept yet. Ended up working late last night on the kids Iron Spider suit, last minute tinkers. Stayed up all morning until Pepp forced me to go for a jog with her." He rubbed his face, the exhaustion now clearly prevalent. "I don't know how long our trip is going to be but I can't sleep, not with you and the kid on the line. The Doctor is a bit of a prick, maybe we can let him slide, but not you two."

You gave him a half hearted smile before looking back at the Spiderling. "I can watch him, and I know how to wake you up if shit goes down. I'm sure one mention of the Captain's name will wake you up in a fit of blind rage." The two of you laughed before things fell quiet again. "I've got this. And, after this all is over, we'll go back home to Pepp and Bucky and just live out the rest of our lives. You'll get married and I'll just be a miserable old bat waiting for a text back from someone who has more outlaw things to handle. It'll be fine. We'll all be fine."

Glancing back at Tony, you saw him peacefully asleep. You smiled to yourself before returning to watch the scene in front of you. Peter seemed to keep himself thoroughly entertained, and Strange seemed to be going over things in his head. It was peaceful. Well, it would have been peaceful if you weren't hurdling through space on a giant space donut.

A few hours passed until it was very clear that this ship was going to land and you had no clue how to do that. Strange wanted to stay off on his own and Peter was definitely freaking out. So you had to do the only thing you knew how.

"Tony, wake up!"

He jolted up, looking around. He took in his surroundings and what was displayed on the giant screen in front of him and was quick to react. He started barking orders as you, Peter, and Tony all tried to maneuver this flying machine to a safe landing which ended in a near wreck. The screen died as you all collapsed onto the floor, unsure what to do next.

Well, next deemed itself worthy of deciding for itself as three people- well, one person and two aliens- jumped onto the ship from the giant holes created from your shotty landing, aiming weapons and trying to fight you. They didn't look like any of the Thanos goons you had met thus far, but who knew why they were there? All you knew was that they attacked you so you had to get even.

The final shapedown of the fight ended with Peter being held by the supposed captain of this enemy group, the big buff guy being pinned down by Tony, and Strange holding the weird bug chick. And then there was you, your Star Wars-esque gun at the ready to shoot whomever moved first. You had the Spiderling to thank for the design, it has inspired Tony to make it.

"Where is Gamora?" the Captain once again yelled, prompting you to point the weapon at him.

"Yeah, I'll do you one better, who's Gamora?" Tony asked, a giant blaster canon pointed right at the big buff guy.

"Well I'll do you one better," the big buff guy said, trying to lean himself upward, "why is Gamora?"

You slowly blinked before turning to Tony. "Jesus christ, please blow up the goon before he says something even more idiotic."

"Do it!" the buff guy challenged, laughing maniacally. "I can take it!"

"No he can't!" yelled the bug chick. She fought to free herself from being held, so you turned your weapon on her to keep her from trying to move.

Tony lowered his helmet, looking the captain in the face. "Look, we don't know any Gamora. We hijacked this spaceship when Squidward stole our wizard friend because he has a shiny stone that some Thanos character wants."

The captain tilted his head to the side in confusion. "Wait so you're not Thanos' goons?"

You were about to speak but Peter piped up, his helmet disappearing. "We're the Avengers, man."

"From Terra? Hey, Quill! These are your people! These weak, pathetic flesh bags are indeed your kin!" The buff guy cackled as you pointed your blaster at him, eyes never leaving the Captain.

From behind you, you heard Tony speak up. "Again, I have the blaster pointed at you and can shoot you at any time."

"Terra? You're from Earth?" You looked at Quill in confusion. Yeah, he looked human, but he wasn't anyone you were aware of. And you were sure that there wasn't many Terrans that were running around the galaxy.

"I'm from Missouri," he spat, trying to make it seem as if he wasn't from Earth. Jesus, they were a bunch of idiots. Maybe Gamora had been the common sense of their group. It would certainly explain a lot.

You could hear the eye roll from Tony as he spoke up next. "Yeah, Missouri is on Earth dipshit."

Once everyone had calmed down and managed to talk through everything, they ventured outside to look at the barren red planet. You weren't sure just what had happened here, but you knew it wasn't good. Ancient buildings were decayed, the metal turned red due to the air. And, oddly enough, it was breathable air. Maybe all those sci-fi movies had made it seem like any alien planet would be lethal to humans, but you could definitely breath here. If anything, the air felt a little heavier than it did on Earth.

"What's wrong with your friend?" asked the bug girl, or Mantis as her friends called her. You turned to see her pointing at Strange, who was levitating and twitching erratically as he apparently used the stone to do… well, you weren't sure. It was a time stone, so maybe he was looking in the future?

Tony grabbed his shoulder, lurching him back to the ground. Stephen gasped before looking around. "What happened, doc?" you asked, walking over to the commotion.

"I was using the time stone to see into the future." Ha! You were right! "I saw 14,000,036 different endings of how this fight with Thanos will go."

He went silent, contemplating everything he had seen. You looked around, no one seemed ready to jump up asking questions, so of course you were going to do exactly that.

"Well? How many did we win in?" you asked, cutting the silence off. A few dirty looks were thrown your way, but you ignored them. "Look, if you know how we win, then let us know. I don't know about the rest of you, but I have a cat to get back to, and a friend's wedding to attend. I'm not really in the mood to stick around here and die so if the good doc would kindly share the information he's holding onto, then we can all move on with our regularly scheduled programs."

"Are all Terrans this bitchy?" Drax asked, his face perplexed.

You raised a fist, ready to punch the beefy Guardian when Tony grabbed you, pulling you away. "No fighting, children. Strange, how many endings did we win in?"

"One."

Oh for fucks sake-

"One ending? Out of 14 million, we have to get everything right? I expect answers now, then! I want to know how to win. So what's the game plan?" You tried to walk over to him, but Tony held you back. "How do we win?"

He looked pained as he glanced at Tony over your shoulder. "If I tell you, we lose."

You threw your hands up in the air, frustrated with all of this bs. "Fine, fine! Whatever! Sit there, be silent while we try and get that one ending to save this whole universe. I hope we do it right, otherwise we're all screwed, Strange, and it'll be your fault." You glowered at him before turning to look at Tony and Quill, who were standing off to the side. "What's the plan?"

And so, everyone sat in a giant circle, save Stephen, who knew he couldn't reveal the way to win. The plan was relatively simple, with Stephen helping you to teleport around since the boosters in your suit weren't anywhere near as powerful as Tony's, plus you weren't used to flying in a suit like this. So Steven was there to help you, while also doing his part in restraining Thanos. Both Peter's were supposed to be running major distractions, Mantis was supposed to stay back, and Tony was running big attacks with missiles and weaponry he had worked into his suit.

And, when Thanos finally showed up, you could agree with Bruce's assessment he had given you in New York. Angry, giant, grape man. Definitely someone with his morals all kinds of wrong. His logic was also just… wrong. Even if he got rid of half of the Universes population, the universe would be able to up the population within a hundred years. Resources wouldn't be affected, at all. Not in the long run. Why not just double them? Why kill trillions of people?

Yeah. This guy was an idiot. You definitely needed to take him out before he went after your idiot.

And the battle was… rough. Pleasantries ended when Strange refused to give up the time stone, and a battle started. The mad Titan used the stones to push your group to the limits, tossing everyone around as if they were ragdolls. And when some blue chick joined in… things got even more insane. Supposedly her name was Nebula and her dad was Thanos? Well she clearly wanted him dead, so she was chill in your book. Plus she hit him with some weird spaceship thing and it was, admittedly, very awesome.

And you guys had succeeded! You had him subdued with Mantis using some weird emotion power to keep him subdued. Peter and Tony were removing the glove, and Strange had him bound. You and Quill were each holding a giant leg in place, trying to keep him in place. But then Quill got up in his face.

"Where is Gamora?" he shouted, his fists balled up by his side. "Where is she?"

"Quill! This can wait a minute!" you snapped, trying to keep his leg in place.

"He feels pain, and sadness," Mantis said, her tiny voice carrying through the battlefield. And the wheels in your head were turning. You weren't sure, couldn't be sure, but you had a feeling that Gamora was no longer alive.

Quill looked confused until Nebula spoke up. "He went to Vormir with Gamora, and left with the stone. She… Gamora is dead."

You quickly jumped to your feet, seeing Quill reeling and ready to punch. "Don't, you can punch him later but we are so close. Please."

You reached out to stop him from moving on Thanos, but red fabric wrapped around you, pulling you away. You glanced up at Strange to see that his cloak was gone and he was no longer floating. Rather, it had wrapped around you, pulling you away from Quill. Strange shook his head, giving you a sad look before his cloak returned to him.

And then Quill punched, and punched, and he kept punching. And then he woke up. Tony and Peter were flung away, Strange was slammed into a rock, Mantis was knocked out and Quill and Drax were just gone. Nebula was fighting her father but was quickly subdued, leaving you to stare down the mad Titan.

"Your energies remind me of the space stone," he commented, watching you with interest. "It's ingrained in your DNA. Curious." He took a step towards you, so you raised your blasters in response. "Peace, human. All I ask is for the time stone, and you will be spared. You can even take your place as one of my children, saved from this. I'll teach you to take over the kingdom you will inherit from me. I can teach you the balance of the universe, how to reign the power you seem to possess. Just give me the stone, child."

You rolled your eyes at him, not impressed with his marketing campaign. "Yeah, sorry, not really interested in inheriting any thrones or anything. Also, I don't know what you mean about the powers because I'm just a human. So no thanks, not really wanting to hand over the stone that would lead to trillions upon trillions of deaths. Thanks, though." And, with that, a portal appeared under your feet, you fell through and landed on top of the flying donut wreck while Tony flew through, fighting Thanos. The fight was heating up as you watched, parts of Tony's suit disappearing as more of the nanos died from being ripped away.

But when he made a sword that Thanos snapped off, you knew you had to interfere. And so you flew down, grabbing Tony's arm and yanking him out of the way, willing your suit to disappear to create a shield to protect the two of you from the sword. But it disappeared just as quickly, and the sword dug itself into your side.

You gasped in shock, the feeling of metal inside of your body was very new. There wasn't necessarily pain, but you were sure that it was because of adrenaline. But you mostly felt… well weird but okay.

Well, until it was yanked out.

You collapsed on the ground, trying to perceive the shooting pain that was going through your body, followed by dizziness and the feeling of floating. You could feel the sticky blood as it pooled around you, unsure of just where it was coming from when everything hurt.

There were shouts and screams happening all around you as things happened, but you couldn't focus. Your vision was so blurry, and your eyes felt heavy. You wanted to fall asleep until someone slapped your face gently. A cool spray touched your side, and a bit of that lightheadedness seemed to fade, but you just couldn't focus.

"Vitals are low but stabilizing," said the voice of F.R.I.D.A.Y. in your ear. Your eyes fluttered open, seeing Tony crouched over you, checking you over.

"Tony, where… Thanos?" Your throat was raw and your head felt heavy. "The stone, he-"

"He got the time stone," he responded, not looking up from your wound. "He went after the last one in Vision's head. If he gets it… well, I don't know who's going to survive this."

Your heart dropped as Tony tried his best to keep you propped up against his chest. Tears were welling in your eyes. "He should have been here…" Tony just held you as you broke down. "They all should have been here. But they're not, and we lost. And he never answered my calls… or texts… he… he killed us all."

He didn't speak, just letting you cry it out as he tried his hardest to keep you awake. And then it happened. The people around you started to turn to dust. First Mantis, then Drax and Quill. Stephen disappeared, saying that this was the only way and that they were in the Endgame now. And then Peter. Tony held him as he cried, scared to not exist. He wanted to stay. He wanted to be there.

He was so scared.

You waited to see if something would happen. Minutes went by but the two of you, plus Nebula, remained. You were so tired, so exhausted, but you needed to get back to Earth. You needed to find a way home.

So you pushed yourself, despite the screaming in your side to just stop. You kept pushing to help them fix up Quill's ship, apparently called The Benatar. There wasn't much gas left, and maybe there would be some on this planet if you could just look…

But then your body just gave out, 20 feet outside of the Benatar. Your head spun as you tried to focus on something, anything. You could hear Tony's voice, but what it was shouting was unknown to you. You wanted to reach out, respond, do anything. But your body forced you into darkness, helplessly swimming and screaming for help.

You were lost before the ship even took off from Titan, trapped in your head and forced to try and escape the labyrinth of your own subconscious on your own.

----

Next Part

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@thedaydreamingwriter @hollandroos @tomhollandd

[elenamcwrites]

folklore - a reading

If you’re a swiftie (officially not capitalized now), like me, you’ve probably been experiencing the mystical reverb and spiritual reckoning that is folklore. You’ve also probably been reading plenty of reviews and analysis articles--there are some stellar articles out there already.

Listening to the album is like lying in a meadow over the course of a summer day, afternoon thunderstorm, and the harsh sunset that comes afterwards, spiraling through memories and contemplation. It’s the best of the worst feelings you’ll ever have, and you can’t stop.

So, compulsively, I had to share my own interpretations and thoughts as I listen to the album again for the 7th time.

the 1 - Starting out with just piano, and then turning into what feels like a casual bop, the attitude of this song starts out very ‘I Forgot That You Existed’. And we hold onto that cavalier, ‘oh well’ attitude until... UNTIL. “If my wishes came true, it would’ve been you.” That line starts the slow ache that builds through the end of the track and makes this song much more more layered and complex than the first song of Lover. Perhaps this is a more honest version of the same feeling. Swift digs deep into that nostalgic feeling, letting us vibe to the wistful wishing at the same time. And of course, there is foreshadowing in the lyrics--film, graves, rose, chosen-family, painting. All of these reappear later on in various songs on the album, and some have been themes from earlier albums, too (especially graves).

Highlight lyric: “In my defense I have none // for digging up the grave another time.”

cardigan - We start with a beat that sounds reminiscent of “high heels on cobblestones,” and it emphasizes this early imagery. Being young is one of the major themes of this song, even though it’s also part of the triptych of songs about a love triangle. The nostalgia feels more specific to young love generally than to the specific lover, asking us to wonder why we judge the young perspective so harshly. The song is an anthem to how much she knew about love, including the pain of it, despite what people say. Swift has shown a special appreciation for the wisdom and raw experience of youth, and this song is another classic defense of the teenage experience. The metaphors in this song are classic Swift, and the structure of this song is reminiscent of ‘All Too Well’--the chorus lyrics change just a bit each time, and we get a powerful, gut-punch verse at the end.

Highlight lyric: “I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs // the smoke would hang around this long // cause I knew everything when I was young.”

the last great american dynasty - ‘The Man’ was probably Swift’s first real feminist anthem, directly stating how sexism affects her career and the perception people have of her. But this song gets at feminism from another perspective. First of all, she’s telling the story of Rebekah Harkness, who was the heiress that lived in her Rhode Island mansion before her. She was a trouble-maker in her town, blamed for her husband’s death and for ruining the calm status quo of the old money neighborhood. It’s completely apparent that Swift relates to this experience, and she likely knew some of this story before she purchased her home. In telling the story of a powerful, interesting woman, Taylor is rebelling against the patriarchy in a slightly subtler way than her previous songs--though she still makes her point pretty clear. Swift cares about the herstory of her home, and she’s made this story iconic by including it on her album. It’s like she took the idea of ‘Starlight,’ but instead of retelling a happy love story, she used her powers for an even more important tale. Now, there are also two potential connections to note: Rebekah also went by Betty, and her maiden name was West. Just remember that. And of course, the theme of the mad woman returns later as well.

Highlight lyric: “who knows if I never showed up what would have been // there goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen // she had a marvelous time ruining everything.”

exile - I like to imagine this song as the follow up to ‘The Last Time,’ from Red. Both are duets, and they both have relatively simple, but strong chords as the primary musical backdrop. Where ‘The Last Time’ depicts a relationship at the cusp, moments before their final conversation, ‘exile’ is post break-up. She’s out with someone new, and we understand this is an unspoken conversation across a room. And the vibe of the songs fit with this progression perfectly. ‘The Last Time’ feels like anxious desperation, but exile feels heavy and depressingly final. We revisit the film motif, and there’s some potential connection to the archived ‘If This Was A Movie’. Now, is that intentional, or does Swift just really like movie imagery? Does it matter? The build in this song is arguably the best on the album, which I think is partly due to the style of the musicality, and partly because it’s helpful to have a lower voice to mix it up. This song sounds the least ‘Swift-esque’ to me--reminds me of Damien Rice most of all--but it still fits beautifully into the album. Also, lots of callbacks in here--town and crown are used a LOT in her prior albums. A few examples: “You traded your baseball cap for a crown” in ‘Long Live’, “They took the crown but it's alright” in ‘Call it What You Want,’ “Staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town” in ‘False God.’ Now, again, these could just be words that she loves to use (they also rhyme with a lot), or there could be some deeper connections. I’m guessing it’s somewhere in the middle.

highlight lyric: “second, third, and hundredth chances // balancin' on breaking branches // those eyes add insult to injury”

my tears ricochet - I’ll admit this song had to grow on me a little bit. Why? Well, I don’t love revenge-ballads. But, this is much more complex than LWYMMD, and like the rest of the album, it centers the more vulnerable side of her anger. This song is 100% about Big Machine Records and Scooter Braun. The funeral is for her--or the version of herself that died just before Reputation--and she is back as a ghost (or another version of herself) to haunt those who caused her death. It’s slow, moody, haunted... Everything you want from a bitter funeral march. The best part of this song is that she doesn’t solely pass blame. She shows off her self-awareness, which has become more common in all her music since 1989, but still very clearly places responsibility on Scooter for her ‘stolen lullabies’ (i.e. her masters). Swift claims this song is about young love gone wrong--but, death is a pretty intense metaphor, and given that she blatantly used it (for the first, and maybe only time?) to talk about her career, I don’t think anyone is buying it.

highlight lyric: “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace // and you’re the hero flying around saving face”

mirrorball - Maybe I’m just a biased toward romantic and nostalgic songs, because I don’t love this one either. (I’m sorry!) But, here’s what I’ll say: this song is still exquisite. It reminds me of the reverb-radio-vibe of the late 80s songs, but with the astral, saccharine flavor of the rest of the album. If you condensed the Miss Americana documentary into a song, this would be it. A reflection (get it?) of fame and her desire to be everything to everyone--to be well liked, to be the center of attention. The coolest thing about ‘mirrorball,’ to me, is that she hasn’t written a song quite like this before. It’s sort of a manic-pixie-dream-girl version of herself. Swift is telling us that she knows who she is, and that comes with seeing the less ‘pretty’ side.

highlight lyric: “I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why // I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try try.”

seven - Can you say haunting innocence? This is a great song for half-attentive listening in the sun, and it could almost be a lullaby. In Swift-lore, the theme of childhood shows up every so often, like in ‘Mary’s Song,’ ‘The Best Day,’ ‘It’s Nice to Have a Friend,’ and ‘Christmas Tree Farm.’ This one is definitely the most dreamy, and it is also tinged with that darkness that consistently underlies all the tracks on this album--“Are there still beautiful things?” Imagine a sepia filter, and that’s kind of what this song embodies. Some fans have wondered about this song as a possible hint to bisexuality and/or relationships with women in general. (See Kaylor fan theories if you want to dive deep.) I can see this--the childhood friend has braids, which could imply she’s a little girl, and they ‘hide in the closet’. However, it seems more likely to me that this is coincidence. Lots of kids play in their closets, and if the song is about the friend’s father being angry all the time (and maybe abusive?) hiding in the closet also makes literal sense. I think the imagery in this song is some of my favorite on this album. 

Another interesting point that I haven’t seen discussed so far is that Swift names this song ‘seven’ spelled out, yet uses the number ‘1′ in the first track title. The only other track she uses numbers in the name is ‘22′, which is about being 22. So, she could be trying to push past the idea that ‘seven’ is just about being 7 years old--though I do think it’s about that, too. She could also be intentionally connecting ‘the 1′ to ‘22′ in some way. They are both a similar vibe, and perhaps they even refer to the same time period in her life. If we go with that theory, who was T dating at 22? The most likely candidate for that timeframe is Conor Kennedy, which was sort of short-lived, and didn’t seem to end with as much fire as many of her break-ups. So, it’s possible that it’s about him. Or, maybe she just wanted to make sure we knew that ‘the 1′ was a concept she doesn’t really believe in anyway, and didn’t want to grant it the full word ‘one’. Will we ever know?

highlight lyric: “Before I learned civility // I used to scream // Ferociously // Any time I wanted”

august - It seems clear to me that this is the second song in the love-triangle narrative. I’ve heard people claim this is ‘illicit affairs’, but those people obviously haven’t looked at the lyrics. The narrator says ‘James, get in the car,’ which is directly connected to the lyrics in ‘betty.’ But, even without that obvious link, the style of august fits in with the stylistic choices of ‘cardigan’ and ‘betty’. All three have strong instrumental tracks complementing the vocals, soft harmonies, and lots of wistful lyrics. ‘illicit affairs’ cuts much sharper and deeper, but more on that later. Combining the dreamy vibes of ‘seven’ with the slight bop of ‘the 1′, this track is sticky--easy to get stuck in your head. The only thing I wonder about this song is how old this narrator is meant to be. They’re drinking wine, and she references going ‘back to school,’ which sort of feels like a reference to the college experience. But, the betty and james characters make numerous references that feel like high school. So, maybe this affair took place in another city with a college girl? I have to wonder if this is Swift referencing some of the age-gap relationships she’s been in. Again, with Conor Kennedy, she was 22, and he was 18. She also supposedly crashed his sister’s wedding in August, and that was the start of the end of their short romance. I’m just saying...

highlight lyric: “Wanting was enough, for me it was enough // to live for the hope of it all.”

this is me trying - If ‘The Archer’ was Swift confessing to her bad habits after a couple early relationship fights, ‘this is me trying’ is a desperate reminder a few months into the relationship. The two songs are sonically very similar, and I didn’t love the vibe (sorry, again!) the first time. But, I do love the artistic continuation. ‘this is me trying’ slows us down even more than ‘The Archer’ did, with a drum line that is almost like a heart beat, and it feels much less hopeful as a result. The lyrics are also some of the darkest I’ve heard from Swift--”I got wasted like all my potential” and “could’ve followed my fears all the way down.” My heart almost can’t handle this song, to be honest. She also references films again, but my favorite imagery connection is her standing over the lookout, which calls back to Rebekah looking out over the sea in LGAD.

highlight lyric: “and maybe I don't quite know what to say // but I'm here in your doorway”

illicit affairs - This song has that ‘All Too Well’ ache with a hint of ‘Death by A Thousand Cuts’ energy, and personally, I love it. You’ve got the busy instrumental strings underneath a simple, yet haunting melody line, and it’s that light, anxious tension that fits beautifully with the theme of the song. The lyrics depict the simple, small heartbreaking things that remind you of the pain you’re putting yourself through, which is reflected in the slightly surprising, soaring note at the end of the line in the verses. Whether you’ve actually been involved in an affair, these feelings show up in plenty of toxic relationships, and that universality is part of what makes the song powerful. The lyrics aren’t about pretty images, but that’s sort of the point. It’s prime Swift conversational lyricism, and you could pick out any number of lines that make a painful short poem all by themselves. 

highlight lyric: “and you wanna scream // don’t call me “kid,” don’t call me “baby” // look at this godforsaken mess that you made me // you showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else”

invisible string - The primary love song on the album, this feels like a follow up to ‘Lover,’ maybe something she’d sing after being married a year or two. It’s sort of like ‘Mine,’ but much more mature, partly indicated by the pace of the song, which is steady and sure of itself. It’s also lovely to me that she’s returned to a bit of her country vibes--I ask you, would it feel like true end-game love for Swift if she couldn’t write a country love song about it? Back when she wrote country, all her happy ending songs were merely aspirational, and now they feel true. This is also 100% about Joe Alwyn, and to me, this is proof they have not broken up like some early reviews speculated. We also need to acknowledge that she’s past the Joe Jonas break up (um, good, that was ages ago) and is sending him and Sophie presents for their baby. I read a review that basically said this song seems a little too ‘all tied up’ for Swift, and that it doesn’t feel as genuine as a result. I sort of agree, but if we can take a sad song and accept that it isn’t how she feels 100% of the time, can’t we also do that with happy songs? Plus, she technically does say that it would be ‘pretty to think,’ which sort of implies it’s more a thought experiment than an actual belief. So, there’s that little twinge of sadness we needed to appease the folklore goddess. Oh, and of course, there’s a reference to Lover’s color scheme, saying time “gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies.” Which, many Kaylor hopefuls read as a reference to the Bi pride flag. To that, I just say... Maybe?

highlight lyric: “time, mystical time // cutting me open, then healing me fine”

Mad woman - My favorite thing about this song is the piano melody that happens in the background the whole song, working in concert with the main melody, but also completely independent (and haunting). It reminds me of one concept of madness--having multiple voices or thoughts going on simultaneously. But of course, it’s artfully and perfectly put together, which is the whole point. What could be perceived as madness is, in this case, what makes her able to create a masterful work of art. Now, this is also certainly a song about her masters, Scooter Braun, and Scott Borchetta. But it is also another feminist anthem. Women are taught not to be angry, not to yell, not to react with any emotionality otherwise we are discredited entirely. Swift directly calls this to attention by explaining that we’re angry for a reason--often antagonized intentionally until ‘you find something to wrap your noose around.’ She also makes the important point that women can also ‘hunt witches,’ and can be complicit in treating one another poorly. This is a reference to Scooter Braun’s wife defending him publicly against Taylor. Probably the most savage line is about the ‘master of spin’ having affairs, which she implies his wife knows about and seems to passively accept. But Swift doesn’t go too hard on her, reminding us that ‘no one likes a mad woman’, and that pressure is real. Could this ‘master of spin’ also be Scooter? I think probably. But I did read that some people are connecting this song to Hillary Clinton (she’s a scorpio, and the song references a scorpion sting), and that maybe Trump is the adulterer here... I feel like that’s a stretch, but I appreciate the interpretation.

highlight lyric: “What a shame she went mad // You made her like that”

epiphany - I suspect this song is directly related to how Swift is processing the current state of the pandemic. The atmospheric vibe with slow, clock-ticking beat in the background really feels momentous and poignant. Yes, she starts with images conjured from her grandfather’s stories of World War II, but she quickly seems to compare this awful battle to the doctors fighting COVID-19 on the frontlines in hospitals. The lyrics are simple, repetitive, and powerful. With so many ill literally struggling to breathe, the lines about breathing out really do hit especially hard these days. I can’t believe that wasn’t a thoughtful choice. The chorus is just barely hopeful, reminiscent of the numbness we all have to use as a coping mechanism to get through traumatic experiences. But it’s that little sliver of hope that makes the song even sadder--is that possible?

highlight lyric: “only twenty minutes to sleep // but you dream of some epiphany // just one single glimpse of relief // to make some sense of what you've seen”

betty - Give me all that Tim McGraw, Love Story, early Taylor pop-country. This song is definitely enhanced in part because of its connections to ‘cardigan’ and ‘august,’ but it stands strong on its own. It’s old news at this point, but James and Inez are based on the names of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds’s daughters, so it’s all-but-confirmed that their third daughter was named Betty. Written from the perspective of James, there is massive speculation out there about whether the narrator is meant to be a boy or a girl. There are reasonable clues on both sides, so I’ll just say this: I love Taylor, but she’s always been a little late to the party when it comes to socialized ideas of male/female. Because of that, I don’t think she’d have a female narrator riding a skateboard. I also feel from the style of narration--“I don’t know anything;” “just a summer thing;” “would you tell me to go fuck myself”--it does sound more like stereotypical teenage boy language than what we know as swiftie teenage girl language. What I do like about this song, though, is that because it’s written from James’s perspective, it does sort of leave a wider opening for personal interpretation than some of her other love-story-like songs. The reason I personally love this song is that it’s mostly about redemption and forgiveness. Everyone has wished someone who broke their heart would write this song about them, and so it offers catharsis. Plus, it’s the only song on the album that truly feels happy at the end--thanks, key change! It’s refreshing and heartening, and it’s good timing, too. After the heaviest song on the album, we needed it. (Oh, and there’s a callback to the broken cobblestones from ‘cardigan’. And then he literally mentions her cardigan. So.)

highlight lyric: “if you kiss me // will it be just like I dreamed it? // will it patch your broken wings?”

peace - The vibe of this song is like laying on your couch in the summer with light coming in through the blinds and the ceiling fan is going around just fast enough to keep the warm air circulating, but not really cool you off. This song has a hint of ‘False God’ style, a little jazzy, but otherwise, it’s a pretty fresh feel for Swift. The message fits this thoughtful, lightly antsy feeling. She’s basically saying she wants to start a family with Joe (no, I don’t think she is literally pregnant yet) and settle down, but there is no real ‘settling down’ with her level of fame. I also think that Swift truly enjoys making music, performing, and engaging with her fans, and she doesn’t want to leave that life behind any time soon. So, she’s asking him if he can make that work. It’s, again, a mature vision of what a long-term relationship can actually look and feel like. Not all of us can truly relate to the burdens of fame, but there are other ways we can be unable to ‘give you peace’. No relationship is idyllic forever in the way romantic love often makes it out to be, and this song gives us a more realistic, consistent example. And just in case we thought this was just a nice song, the whole ‘clowns to the West’ is another potential Easter egg. In the lyric video, east is not capitalized, but West is. Most likely, this is a dig at Kanye. If we want to believe Taylor wasn’t being vengeful, it could potentially be a reference to Rebekah (West was her maiden name). I lean toward theory one, although it’s kind of amazing that it works out such that it connects to both.

highlight lyric: “but I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm // if your cascade ocean wave blues come”

hoax - (Phew last one--I don’t have access to ‘the lakes’ yet) Swift can’t end the album without bringing us all back to the raw emotional space she opened up within us. This song brings back similar piano lines from ‘mad woman’ and the image of screaming on the cliffside. Chronologically, ‘hoax’ feels like it takes place after or during the death of her reputation, i.e. the feud with Kim and Kanye, when she was still very vulnerable. Based on timeline, this seems likely to be either Calvin Harris or Tom Hiddleston. It could really be some combination of the two, since many songs aren’t really about just one person. My gut tells me it’s primarily about Calvin, since she’s referenced that they didn’t have a very faithful relationship--”your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in.” Both relationships travelled a lot--“I left a part of me in new york.” I’m guessing she’s referencing the feud with Harris over her writing credit on ‘This is What You Came For.’ She takes attacks on her career as seriously as hurtful relationships, and since she’s referencing being torn apart by the media when she says that “what you did was just as dark,” I think it’s likely that this also has something to do with hurting her reputation. It’s another hauntingly beautiful song, and you can totally imagine yourself out on that cliff looking at the midnight sea as the piano line ends.

highlight lyric: “you knew the password, so I let you in the door // you knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score?”

---------------------------------------------

Overall, the album is my favorite of Taylor’s so far for two reasons: 1) the continuity in both theme and sound is stellar, and 2) there aren’t any songs that I don’t like. Usually, there are 1-3 songs on Taylor’s albums that are either forgettable or too on-the-nose for my taste. I’m sure that is a product, in part, of having to craft songs for radio-play and for her amazing, cinematic live shows. Having given herself the freedom to make whatever music she wanted without thinking (so much) about whether they’d top the charts or be good for a stadium concert, she made an album without a single ‘pop just because’ track.

Now the real question is... What will she do with the remaining 6 months of quarantine???

[incarnateirony]

God as I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten so cynical about idealization.

In the last few days across various private messages to various friends I’ve said the following things about not understanding people iconizing old SPN as dark or gritty:

Diet dark

Dark but airing at 7PM for teenagers on the WB dark

Dark but airing two hours after Pinky and the Brain dark

Dark but on Fridays at this time I flip a channel to watch a talking cat dark

I’ve said, for example, it wasn’t dark or even gritty really. It was still hollywood glamor, if a little less than it is now. That it was dusty, more than anything

Dusty like offroading in your prius and forgetting to wash your car dusty

Dusty like hitchhiking and maybe stealing some over the counter eyedrops to trade back in for cash and buy a cheap motel room dusty

Dusty like transporting goats in the back of my Corolla dusty

Dusty like that time I slept in a junkyard dusty

I have become an EXCESSIVELY cynical bitch, I see.

Maybe it’s because my life *was* dark and full of grit. Maybe it’s because I DID blaze a dusty path. Maybe it’s because just about anything the guys did in the first few seasons, I did before I hit puberty. Maybe it’s because I lived that and could see through the hilarious glamorization of it all. I don’t know. 

Like, do I MISS the vibe of the old seasons? Sure, sometimes. Which is when I, like, go to netflix and watch the first few seasons for that vibe. I much prefer this thoroughly fleshed out and constructed style of modern storytelling in general, but there was in fact a fun Americana vibe to it. I’m not saying it wasn’t fun. But people act like old SPN was some peak macabre horror psychological thriller and not a teenage drama with overexposed lensing for bleached film stock. And that goes on both sides with people talking about it being “problematic” or whatever. Beyond the old era rimshots at gay people and the habit of discarding female characters or whatever -- while, protip, we all tuned in to a show featuring white male leads by choice -- like. 

I don’t get it. I literally do not get it.  Like as hard as people have romanticized one idealization, it’s like for the sake of argument against the fanon romanticization of that idealization they’ve excessively piled on and built up something to dismantle that barely existed to begin with and, what did exist has literally been show dismantled. Now either side of the fence will scream “codependency, true love/problematic” if brothers like. Breathe in each other’s vicinity. Or don’t just casually let the other die bloody and alone. You know. Basically, whenever they aren’t being absolute terrible human beings that don’t give a shit about their family at all, this flips into magnetic polarization in fandom dialogue. Like, sis, they're eating sammiches. I don't need a 5 page essay on how this "deconstructs the codependency." Dabberens have been on a warpath ever since they dropped Red Meat as the cornerstone sure but literally they're eating bologna and playing foosball chill out.

It’s one thing to like, hm. Take a highlighter to your favorite elements in fanon spaces. Write fics or art that deepen a particular theme or tone. But it’s another thing to like, hold evolving canon to the precedent set up in your own mythologilized fandom spaces.

Things that have /objectively/ changed in the show:

- Genre/cinematography; lighting and set adapted from vaguely horror-esque (halfly to hide the terrible makeup and CGI) to high fantasy over time (in which increased lighting shows that terrible makeup and CGI). Not liking one or the other? VALID!

- Character focus: The first several seasons were pretty much just da bros. Carver era extended into Team Free Will even if people hit denial waves about it. Dabb era seems to play ship-juggling acts and does openly engage in sport like “Oh wow, Rowena is flirting with Cas, I wonder if they’re gonna be a thing :)” while shoving some Sabriel or Samwitch in the way between more central pairs like Saileen or Destiel. Not liking one version or another of this? VALID!

- Mythology: Old SPN demonized literally any tradition that wasn’t christianity. Their alchemists and shamans are, respectively, kind of offensive. Carver only used the established races and a very vague cain and abel concept. Modern SPN is using alchemy and philosophy formerly villainized under the Calvinistic lens. Not liking one version or another of this? VALID!

- Core Principles: While “Family don’t end in blood” has always been there, the current author room’s statements about believing in hope or heroism over tragedy /are/ distinctly different than tragedy-oriented old SPN with the faintest lick of hope-ish-seeming-things with Lisa’s “never too late” kinda slapped on at the end to vaguely tell us there’s silver linings. Characters aren’t fighting just for survival all the time now, they’re often fighting for silver linings. Or gold ones right now. *rimshot* Not liking one version or another of this? VALID!

- Rule of Cool: Literally, this was a thing, and then it wasn’t. Kripke picked cars he liked because he liked them and thought they were cool. Kripke picked guns he thought were cool. Kripke picked name spellings he thought were cool. These are all things he’s said, like, on the record. This is also why the early show attracted more dudes that also operated on Rule of Cool. But maintaining cohesion required less and less rule of cool and more and more intertextual and subtextual poetry that gave less “plug whatever you want in the space with the cool shit” room and more “infinite amount of material that, while defined, all has flexible potential if you think about it and how to employ it.” Not liking one version or another of this? VALID!

Noticing change is /fair/. It’s /valid/. You don’t have to /like/ the change. 

Hell. This started addressing fandom romanticization of the early seasons but let’s not pretend Destiel fandom doesn’t have its own versions of this. All the different wings that romanticize the weirdest fucking eras as “the best” rampage too. Like the parts you like. Enjoy content how you enjoy it. But when you build up a romanticized version of a product in your head, you can’t expect the product to perform like the romanticized version. 

I know first memories are powerful. Nostalgia is powerful. But have you ever... like... gone to turn on a movie you loved as a kid 15, 20 years ago or whatever and load it up now and realize like, “Wow, I used to like some stupid shit.” And hell. We may even acknowledge it was stupid shit and STILL like the stupid shit. Or the stupid shit may annoy us know, depending. Who knows? Not to say seasons 1-2 are “stupid shit” if you will (or whatever season, 4, 8, whatever Destiel fandom may argue about as The Best on a given day) -- but it feels like attaching to these characters, and then arguing about these characters, without EVER unplugging from the content at all has made people lose that perspective where we, IDK, turn Digimon back on for the first time and go “oh wow this is a lot dumber than I remember it being (but it’s still fun)”. Yes, Pikachu IS annoying to hear squeaking constantly like your parents said before you lit up in holy, righteous fury defending the sparking rat. No, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun watching the reboot of Mewtwo Strikes Back. It just... perspective.

I dunno. Maybe fandom will in fact pan out differently in 15+ years once people have had the chance at this kind of down time. 

Random thoughts.

[astrologydonut]

MADS lover lyrics

I forgot you existed

“I forgot that you sent me a clear message, taught me some hard lessons... I just forget what they were. It's all just a blur”

“Would have faught the whole town”

Cruel Summer

“I’m always waiting for you just to cut to the bone.”

“Say that we’ll just screw it up, in these trying times we’re not trying.”

“And I scream for whatever its worth, I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard! He looks so pretty like a devil. He looks up grinning like a devil”

“I’m drunk in the back of the car and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar. Said I’m fine but it wasn’t true. I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you.”

Lover

“And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear.”

“With every guitar string scar on my hand

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover.”

“My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover.”

The Man

“And I'm so sick of them coming at me again”

“They would make me out to be bad so it’s okay that I’m mad.”

The Archer

”Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you.”

“All of my enemies started out friends.”

“Can you see right through me? They see right through me. I see right through me.”

“I never grew up, it’s getting so old.”

I think he knows

“He’s so obsessed with me and boy I understand.”

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

“They whisper in the hallway she’s a bad bad girl.”

“I don’t really want to fight cause nobody’s gonna win.”

“I'm feeling helpless, The damsels are depressed.“

Paper Rings

“Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet

Now I've read all of the books beside your bed.”

“I want to drive away with you

I want your complications too

I want your dreary Mondays”

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

“To the color that we painted your brother's wall. Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws we wouldn't be standing here so tall.”

CorneilIa Street

"I rent a place on Cornelia Street, I say casually in the car.”

“Back when we were card sharks, playing games. I thought you were leading me on. I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street

Before you even knew I was gone.”

Death By a Thousand Cuts

“Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not”

“I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright

They say, "I don't know"”

“You said it was a great love, One for the ages

But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?”

“Gave up on me like I was a bad drug

Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club

Our songs, our films, united, we stand

Our country, guess it was a lawless land

Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust

Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up

Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough

But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts”

London Boy

You can find me in the pub, we are watching rugby with his school friends

Show me a gray sky, a rainy cab ride

Babe, don't threaten me with a good time

Like a child when our eyes meet

Soon You’ll Get Better

I know delusion when I see it in the mirror

You like the nicer nurses, you make the best of a bad deal

I just pretend it isn't real

I’ll paint the kitchen neon

And I hate to make this all about me but who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you?

False God

Remember how I said I'd die for you

And I can't talk to you when you're like this

Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town

I'm New York City

Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you

You Need To Calm Down

And I ain't tryna mess with your self-expression but I've learned a lesson that stressin' and obsessin' 'bout somebody else is no fun

Sunshine on the street at the parade but you would rather be in the dark age, just makin' that sign must've taken all night

You just need to take several seats and then try to restore the peace and control your urges to scream about all the people you hate

Afterglow

Put you in jail for something you didn't do

Chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there's no us

ME!

I know that I'm a handful, baby, uh

I know I never think before I jump

And you're the kind of guy the ladies want

I know that I went psycho on the phone

I never leave well enough alone

And trouble's gonna follow where I go

I know I tend to make it about me

I know you never get just what you see

But I will never bore you, baby

It’s Nice To Have a Friend

Lost my gloves, you give me one

"Wanna hang out?"

Yeah, sounds like fun.

“on the roof, 20 questions, we tell the truth

You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too

Call my bluff, call you "babe"

Have my back, yeah, everyday

Something gave you the nerve

Daylight

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in

Everyone looked worse in the light

There are so many lines that I've crossed, unforgiven

Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky

And so I became the butt of the joke

I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked

Clearin' the air, I breathed in the smoke

Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down

Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

(I can never look away)

I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

(Things will never be the same)

I've been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night

(Now I'm wide awake)

[ferryboatpeak]

my thoughts on lover

[or, an impassioned endorsement of lover the song and also some miscellaneous thoughts about lover the album, in which i ignore all the tracks about which i have nothing good or clever to say. featuring only two f-bombs!]

cruel summer: i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard? is a brilliant line

lover: as so often happens with her albums, my eventual favorite snuck up on me after repeated listenings. my first impression of lover was that I liked the overall mazzy star/late tuesday night at the small-town honky-tonk vibe. about five listens later, i decided that this song is going to be a pervasive wedding reception first dance song for a generation and no song has ever deserved that status more. the chorus has this impossible balance of profound simplicity: can I go where you go? can we always be this close? take me out and take me home… she’s not asking for much, but she’s asking for everything. or, like, a completely reasonable version of everything. there is no other song in existence that nails the feeling of being in a happy long-term relationship as well as this chorus does. then the bridge just takes a hairpin turn into full-on dramatic taylor swift, because she just can’t resist and i love her for it, but she reins herself in immediately and goes back to the quiet specific details that make a partnership feel secure: you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me/and at every table, I’ll save you a seat.

also, i would like to speak up in defense of the much-maligned lyric we can leave the christmas lights up til january. ha ha, the reviewers say, i leave the christmas lights up way longer than that, doesn’t taylor know people do that? but that line’s not about actually leaving the christmas lights up til january, you idiots, it’s about the feeling of possibility when you realize you can. which neatly parallels the feeling of possibility that comes with being in a relationship and realizing it’s going to go it for the long term. worlds opening up. leaving the christmas lights up til march would be a punchline, but leaving the christmas lights up til january is a delicate expression of wonder; fuck anybody who makes fun of this lyric.

the man/archer: although i like them individually, it is impossible for me to separate these two songs, because the archer makes so much more sense right after the man. out of all the taylor swift songs about her professional troubles (see, e.g., better than revenge, this is why we can’t have nice things, i forgot that you existed), the man does the best job of focusing on the universal/relatable aspects of swift-specific problems (which I much prefer to the songs that focus on an individual target). its acerbic peppiness is enhanced a thousandfold by descending right into the bone-deep weariness of the archer, which just so gorgeously nails how dealing with all this bullshit makes you so goddamned tired and makes everything feel so futile. you can just feel the chin-up boss bitch of the last song going home and taking off her heels and curling up in a defeated ball on the couch. oh wait sorry is this album review getting overly personal? anyway

i think he knows: i like that this song could be on any of her albums (aside from reputation) and not be out of place. classic t swift bop. see also: paper rings.

miss americana and the heartbreak prince: this song is a glorious over-the-top mashup of the high school analogies and fairy tale imagery that have been such a consistent part of her songwriting. also you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes is the best eight-word summary of high school that has ever been written and she should honestly win a pulitzer for that line alone.

cornelia street: i liked this song a lot on first listening but it has not stuck with me

~ok overall I liked the first half of the album better than the second but we’re gonna keep going~

death by a thousand cuts: it took the live version of this one for me to fully appreciate the way the lyrics fit together, like one of those wooden boxes where all the seams interlock perfectly. hey, has anybody else noticed that taylor is actually driving on this album, instead of sitting in the passenger seat while some dude takes his eyes off the road to look at her? not only in this song (taking the long way home, asking the traffic lights) but in i think he knows (we can follow the sparks, i’ll drive). attagirl.

london boy: i was not even halfway through my first listen of this song when I texted jes OMG IT’S LIKE SHE’S A BRAND NEW 1D FIC WRITER SHOWING OFF ALL HER INTERNET RESEARCH ABOUT LONDON, and i stand by that opinion. i also think this could be one of those taylor songs that are so awful i eventually fall in love them because they’re just so perfectly her (see also: stay stay stay).

soon you’ll get better: wow the cause you have to in the chorus is perfectly evocative of the experience this song speaks to and it’s gutting.

ME!: fuck you, i love this song, because i love screaming i’m the only one of me, baby that’s the fun of me at the top of my lungs in my car on the way home from difficult meetings.

it’s nice to have a friend: i’m not into all the fourths or how the first verse sounds way too much like that one white stripes song, but i gotta say that the way she pronounces the word “chalk” is incredibly sexy to me.

daylight: i’ve stormed out of every room in this town is a great lyric and yet another example of taylor getting better and better at writing in a way that taps into the universality of her very particular experiences.

in sum, i have presently added seven songs from lover to my authoritative tay sway all day playlist (the same number as red and one less than 1989) and i think i will listen to this album less often than red and 1989 but probably at least as often as reputation. luv u tay; give my best to magnetic blancmange joe alwyn.

[poppinsx]

a comprehsive list of the best lyrics in each taylor swift song (my opinions <3) since fearless:

jump then fall: but i’ll hold you through the night until you smile

untouchable: untouchable like a distant diamond sky

come in with the rain: i know you by heart, and you don’t even know where i start

superstar: i’m invisible and everyone knows who you are

other side of the door: and the faded picture of a beautiful night

fearless: you take my hand and drag me head first, fearless

fifteen: when you’re fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin ‘round (how did she know!!)

love story: i was a scarlet letter

hey stephen: all the other girls, well, they’re beautiful, but would they write a song for you? 

white horse: this is a big world, that was a small town

you belong with me: i know your favorite songs and you tell be ‘bout your dreams

breathe: but it’s killing me to see you go after all this time

tell me why: why do you have to make me feel small so you can feel whole inside? 

you’re not sorry: and you got your share of secrets and i’m tired of being last to know 

the way i loved you: and my heart’s not breaking cause i’m not feeling anything at all

forever & always: were you just kidding? 

the best day: don’t know if snow white’s house is near or far away

change: it’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair

mine: braced myself for the goodbye ‘cause that’s all i’ve ever known

sparks fly:  my mind forgets to remind me, you’re a bad idea

back to december: it turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you

speak now: i lose myself in a daydream

dear john: i lived in your chess game but you changed the rules everyday

mean: you have pointed out my flaws again as if i don’t already see them

the story of us: you held your pride like you should’ve held me

never grow up: remember that she’s getting older too

enchanted: my thoughts will echo your name until i see you again

better than revenge: no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity 

innocent: today is never too late to be brand new 

haunted: something keeps me holding onto nothing 

last kiss: i never planned on you changing your mind // i’ll watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep and i’ll feel you forget me like i used to feel you breathe (this song is too much of a masterpiece to choose)

long live: i had the time of my life fighting dragons with you

state of grace: we learned to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts

red: moving on from him is impossible when i still see it all in my head

treacherous: i can’t decide if it’s a choice getting swept away

ikywt: and the saddest fear comes creeping in, that you never loved me

all too well: you call me up again just be break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest (naturally)

22: it’s miserable and magical

i almost do: i can’t say hello to you and risk another goodbye

wanegbt: this is exhausting (hehe)

stay stay stay: you took the time to memorize me

the last time: all roads, they lead me here

holy ground: for the first time, i had something to lose

sad beautiful tragic: you’ve got you demons and darling they all look like me // silence, train runs off its tracks

the lucky one: you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used

everything has changed: all i know is pouring rain

starlight: we could get married, have ten kids, and teach them how to dream

begin again: thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

welcome to new york: kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats

blank space: stolen kisses, pretty lies

style: could end in burning flames of paradise

out of the woods: the rest of the world was black and white but we were in screaming color

ayhtdws: i’ve been picking up the pieces of the mess you made 

shake it off: and to the fella over there with the hella good hair 

i wish you would: i wish you knew that i miss you too much to be mad anymore

bad blood: bandaids don’t fix bullet holes

wildest dreams: someday when you leave me i bet these memories follow you around

how you get the girl: i want you for worse or for better

this love: this love left a permanent mark

i know places: love’s a fragile little flame, it could burn out 

clean: just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it

ready for it: burton to this taylor

end game: your handprint’s on my soul

i did something bad: you gotta leave before you get left

don’t blame me: i would fall from grace just to touch your face

delicate: are you ever dreaming of me?

look what you made me do: i’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams

so it goes: you did a number on me but honestly baby, who’s counting? 

gorgeous: whiskey on ice, sunset and vine 

getaway car: but with three of us, honey, it’s a sideshow

king of my heart: say you fancy me, not fancy stuff 

dancing with our hands tied: i’m the mess that you wanted

dress: even in my worst of times, you could see the best in me

tiwwchnt: feeling so gatsby for that whole year (bonus points for the haha i can’t even say it with a straight face)

call it what you want: i brought a knife to a gun fight 

new year’s day: please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize anywhere

i forgot that you existed: it isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference

cruel summer: he looks up grinning like a devil (!!)

lover: with every guitar string scar on my hand

the man: they wouldn’t shake their heads and question how much of this i deserve

the archer: i’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you

i think he knows: lyrical smile, indigo eyes

miss americana: american glory faded before me

paper rings: the moon is high like your friends were the night that we first met

cornelia street: that's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

death by a thousand cuts: but if the story’s over, why am i still writing pages? 

london boy: don’t threaten me with a good time (also the intro, ofc)

soon you’ll get better: desperate people find faith, so now i pray to Jesus too

false god: you’re the west village

you need to calm down: shade never made anybody less gay!

afterglow: fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves

me: i know i never think before i jump

it’s nice to have a friend: you’ve been stressed out lately, yeah, me too

daylight: the luck of the draw only draws the unlucky

(update 1/14/21)

the 1: you know the greatest loves of all time are over now

cardigan: trying to change the ending, peter losing wendy

the last great american dynasty: and in a feud with her neighbor, she stole his dog and dyed it a key-lime green

exile: you never gave a warning sign/i gave so many signs

my tears ricochet: when you can’t sleep at night, you hear my stolen lullabies

mirrorball: the masquerade revelers

seven: please picture me in the weeds before i learned civility

august: you weren’t mine to lose (but also, just the entire song)

this is me trying: you’re a flashback in a film reel 

illicit affairs: a dwindling mercurial high

invisible string: one single thread of gold tied me to you

mad woman: it’s obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together

epiphany: sir, i think he’s bleeding out

betty: i don’t know anything, but i know i miss you

peace: all these people think love’s for show, but i would die for you in secret

hoax: you knew you won so what’s the point of keeping score?

the lakes: i want auroras and sad prose

willow: life was a willow and it bent right to your wind

champagne problems: she would’ve made such a lovely bride, what a shame she’s fucked in the head

gold rush: at dinner parties i call you out on your contrarian shit

tis the damn season: to leave the warmest bed i’ve ever known

tolerate it: i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it

no body, no crime: good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy (honorable mention to the way taylor says “just” in “she thinks i did it but she just can’t prove it)

happiness: i hope she’ll be a beautiful fool

dorothea: you’re a queen selling dreams, selling makeup and magazines

coney island: do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? 

ivy: your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, tarnished but so grand

cowboy like me: forever is the sweetest con

long story short: long story short, i survived

marjorie: you loved the amber skies so much

closure: i’m fine with my spite and my tears and my beers and my candles

evermore: barefoot in the wildest winter

right where you left me: she’s still twenty-three inside her fantasy

it’s time to go: that old familiar body ache that snaps from the same little breaks in your soul

[coffeeslorelai]

What are your favorite lines from each song on Lover?

HOO here we go: (you know when you know the lyrics to songs but you need to look up the lyrics just to make sure? Yeah me just now)

1. IFTYE: “Your name on my lips, tongue tied, free rent livin' in my mind”

2. Cruel Summer: “Hang your head low in the glow of the vending machine, I'm not dying.” (but runner up is for sure I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you & I love you ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard)

3. Lover: GOD THIS ENTIRE SONG jsksks “My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue, all's well that ends well to end up with you”

4. The Man: “If I was out flashin' my dollars I’d be a bitch, not a baller. They'd paint me out to be bad, so it’s okay that I’m mad.”

5. The Archer: Again, WHOLE SONG WOW. “All of my heroes die all alone, help me hold onto you.”

6. I Think He Knows: Basically the entire chorus 

7: Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince: “Boys will be boys then where are the wise men?”

8. Paper Rings: “I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this.”

9. Cornelia Street: “I get mystified by how this city screams your name.”

10. Death By A Thousand Cuts: “You said it was a great love, one for the ages, but if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?” Also THE BRIDGE THE WHOLE BRIDGE EVERY SINGLE LINE

11. London Boy: “Stick with me, I'm your queen, like a Tennessee Stella McCartney on the Heath.”

12. Soon You’ll Get Better: I’ve listened to this one approximately three times this whole time bc it’s just Too Hard but probably “I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky, I know I'll never get it, there's not a day that I won't try.”

13. False God: “I know heaven's a thing, I go there when you touch me, honeyhell is when I fight with you.”

14. YNTCD: “Shade never made anybody less gay.” 

15. Afterglow: “Why'd I have to break what I love so much?” (ouch)

16. ME!: “Livin' in winter, I am your summer.”

17. INTHAF: “You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too. Something gave you the nerve to touch my hand, it's nice to have a friend.”

18. Daylight: “I once believed love would be burnin' red, but it's golden.” (That whole bridge is the most hauntingly beautiful thing I’ve ever heard)

[musingsofaperpetualdaydreamer]

My real first thoughts listening to each song ✨

My sister has reluctantly agreed to have this first listening ‘party’ with me and I just wanted this for the ‘memories’ because I’m an overly sentimental fool like that haha. These may not be coherent but hey ho.

I forgot that you exsisted:

Oooooooh. I like it. Tropical Taylor is that YOu? Shoopooooook. Heeelllp. Oh my god. I’m screaming. Lord my life... INDIFERENCE shut UP Hahahaha. An anthem a bop. A Savage incineration bubble gum destroyer. Her laugh. Stop it.

Cruel summer:

Ooooh the beat. It’s so groovy and slick. I am a wave being carried away to distant land. Flatline. I am dead. God has collected me from this earth. I am gone. I am no more. Taylor has ended my exsistencez byyeereee. The bridge has flooded my atoms. I am gooone eeeeee

Lover:

I am fluffy and warm. My pieces lovingly put back together. I am whole again. I am HOME.

The man:

Shut the flip up. Shut the frick up. Shut up shut up. SPILL THE TEA HONEY PIEEEeEeEeE. The patriarchy is burning. She’s name dropping? Speak now taylor is alive, fearless Taylor, picture to burn, it’s all fire, I’m on fire. TRUTh TEAAAaAA is SCALDING. My scaaaalllllp, my hair is all gone. I am evaporated.

The archer:

Dreamy sad melancholic magic. Shoot me in my soul. Oh wow. My heart.

I think he knows:

Click click, bury me 6 feet under. This is sensual and HOT. MISS TAYLORRRrR. Yessssss, get your MAN. Oooooooooooooh. I am screammmmminnnnn. Damn sis he better know. Woweeeeee.

Miss Americana and the heartbreak prince:

Ooooh it’s dark. Dreamy Taylor has pulled me into wisps of myself and I am floating through the late night magic universe. It’s Lana esque, I am...Taylor Swift you have my whole heart and soul.

Paper rings:

Hohohohoho sassy Taylor has got me by the neck. I can’t breathe, the heat. This all I dreamed of. Ooooooh. DIRTY DReAMS, oooooooooh yessss honey. Her voice. The colour you painted WHAT....LORD ALiVE. *Head bashes self to oblivion. when we wnet from friends to oh wowww

Cornelia street:

I have dislocated my jaw, it is on the floor. Resuscitate me to this BEAT. 4.47. Yesss F ME UP to this. It reminds me of LANY in a way. Ohhhh what a dreamy beautiful death. *clutches heart and falls on the floor. Her voice so soft like this...I’m crying and boping.

Death by a thousand cuts:

I am being sung by angels. Is this heaven? Read me my last rites as you lower me into my grave. Oooh what is that under the beat? Awwwww. No. If the story’s over why am I still writing pages??? UGH HER MIND. The BRIDGE, the bridge...goood LORD. My heart is broken. Tryna find a part of me that you didn’t touch? I’m drowning in tears.

London Boy:

A Londoner. ShE Said Welcome to England honey. Shut up she said Joe is her home? She goes round London with joe? I AM FRiCKIN CANcElled. Over. FINITO. He’s made her a fricking LONDONER. His friends are her friends. Shut uppppppppp. I am bawling like a newly born baby. Loooooooorrrrrrrd. My heart is so fricking warm and fluffy. God bless you Joseph alwyn.

Soon you’ll get better:

Noooooooooooo. Oh my god. I’m so sorry. God I just want want to hold you and hug you and tell you it will all be okay and make it so. Taylor, oh god. Who am I supposed to talk to if there’s no you? I’m broken for you. You’re so strong, being able to be this vulnerable proves it.

False God:

Jazzzzzzz. I’m in a late night bar in soho. I am dead but I am so alive. It’s moody, bluesy, ooooh I love it. The beat, ohhhh it’s slick and dreamy and sensual. Lu huh huh huh ve. Ohhhhh I love that part. My god I love this. Uhhmmmmmmm. It’s so groovy. THE METAPHORS. Her voice. Is that her heart as a beat? I’m in love with this song.

You need to calm down:

SHOUT THiS FROM ThE ROOfTOPs. Bop for the ages. JE SUIS NOt CALMe.

Afterglow:

Darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream That you? Oh it’s beautiful. Fight for that true love. Yes yes yes. Oh yes. Ultraviolet morning light yes it is worth the fight. It’s vulnerable majestic oh myyyy. I am in blanket burrito, ohhhhhhhhhhh. This song is everything. Fight for your love girl.

ME!:

A bop bop boppetty bop. Me he heeeereeee. Hahahahaha. Wooooooooooo.*crazy dances

It’s nice to have a friend:

Ooooh it’s...spooky? Jamaica? Steel drums. Tropical Halloween??????? Ohhh. Trumpets. I am in a fairytale. Ohhh the imagery. Feels like home, stay in bed the whole weekend? My heart is beammmming. I am in blanket song burrito of love. Oooooooooohhhhh. The echo

Daylight:

The metaphors. She’s a genius. Her voice. Oh the beat. Honey the beat. Been sleeping in a 20 year dark night now I see daylight? She was sleeping until she met joe? He makes her feel alive, like she’s really living? Oh my god, I just- *JAW HITS ThE FLOOR AND SHATTeRRS. These lyrics are sharper than a knife. Daylight!!! Real love is like daylight!! Ohhhhhhhhhh. She’s in Love real love love. She found her golden love love. YEEEESSSSSSsSSSSS. She found her golden love the one she used to dream about she found it. HOLD MEEEEEEEEEEE. *slow dances with myself. This is so angelic and everything. Step into the daylight and let it go. OhhhMy soul has peacefully drifted away into a land of light and love and pink fluffy clouds. The little voice note. I have ascended. I am inside the album artwork. I am home.

Final thoughts:

wow that was so many emotions and so cathartic. I don’t know what to do with myself right now. I just-wow. @taylorswift you are a genius. I love you. I just...wow. I feel like I’ve actually come out of my body this is so unreal. Wowwwww. Immma need a minutes.

Suffice to say this is 6 stars out of 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Wow.

[in-her-wildest-dreams]

Can you share your thoughts on the tracklist order as a whole? I feel like it doesn't make a lot of sense to me but I probably just need a deeper analysis of it

hey anon! i’ll try my best! i think it’s very nicely ordered... IFTYE followed by cruel summer almost represents a nice fresh start; a clean slate, and she goes from forgetting someone’s existence and feeling more than okay about it to screaming to the rooftops that she loves someone else with absolutely everything in her despite the circumstances and the cruelty of a summer romance...

and then it’s lover which is TheLoveSong of all love songs and a beautiful, magical, raw and toned down, strung-back version of that loved-up feeling she has in cruel summer

and i think the man coming after this is kinda random and i don’t really have any thoughts on its placement other than if a man wrote a love song like that they’d get a ton more praise for it than someone like taylor does idk....

and the archer is well... track 5....

and then comes the exciting bit where we go from i think he knows to miss americana to paper rings to cornelia st.... we go from taylor feeling really confident in herself and about her love for him so much so that she’s sure he knows too, to miss americana where they’re kinda blended in on the bleachers/sidelines, just the two of them, as the world around them turns to chaos and they can only find goodness in the world through each other...

and then we reach paper rings where taylor pronounces her undying, unnerving love for him no matter what in the most happy, upbeat manner before we hit cornelia street where she illustrates the fears and doubts she’ll always have with a love and a feeling as strong as the one she has and that too often it all feels ‘too good to be true’ so she starts thinking about what would happen if that ‘paper rings’ kinda love just... disappeared forever and she left it all behind...

and then DBATC i guess kinda perfectly follows because it’s about the consequence of a breakup and how that is emotionally dealt with...

and then we hit my fave... LONDON BOY!!! and i guess it’s the PERFECT track 11 following DBATC because it describes everything GOOD about her love and the memories they’ve shared together in his hometown and it’s the most uplifting, happy and joyous song on the album in my opinion and it’s like the polar opposite of DBATC idk

and then track 12 idk.. kinda random placement again but it’s also i think nicely placed in the second half of the album because it’s like through alllll this she’s been through along the way... the thing and the person closest to her is at the forefront of it all and the horrible feeling never seems to leave her so i guess in between all the joyous, chaoticly wild moments, it’s always there with her.

and false god i think is then placed as track 13 because again as the album begins to close we just get more intimate, metaphorical illustrations about their love without all the background noise or chaos..

and then YNTCD as track 14 because the message she’s conveying has certainly become more prominent more recently to her and to society as a whole i think... and also she’s been living such a happy, healthy life as of late yet people STILL feel the need to rain on her parade so it being placed here is very relevant i think

and then afterglow as track 15 i think is perfectly placed as its all about taylor saying sorry for what she’s caused or how she’s acted and not her blaming other things/external sources.... it’s her saying “i’m so sorry” after all this time with her lover and everything that’s happened between and with them

ME! i think is towards the very end of the album because i think again through it all, taylor’s FINALLY realised that hey, why the f can’t I celebrate MYSELF and everything that’s good about me?! you should be lucky you’re with m! i’m an awesome person!! i’m great and i’m happy about that!!!

and INTHAF to me is a bit like i guess CIWYW in the sense that it’s a very soft, delicate yet illustrative story of the love she’s shared from the beginning of the relationship to the current stage she’s in and it’s very pure and soft and cute and childlike; it’s about the sacred moments they shared; the small, simple things that mean the most to her

and of course daylight ends the album with the most beautiful sentiment... step into the daylight, and let it go. it’s about the feeling you get when you see the colour of the sky after a huge storm.... it’s about loving life as it is now, in this very moment; it’s about realising that, you are what you love.