#mission log

[totcoc0a]

Yesterday the episode I wrote and acted for the Tiny Terrors Halloween Special was released! This technically marks my official debut and I could not be more thrilled to have been given this opportunity!

Thank you so much to @taytayheyhey for editing my script :D

Please take a listen and catch up on this last whole month of incredible content!

[agent-bracken]

Secret New Year's Santa 2023

Hiiiii @agents-of-virtue! Happy New Year. I’m so excited to be your Secret Santa because I also have really strong opinions on latkes, wrt your Roanoke Winter post. This was really fun to write. 

Bekah checked her watch for the ninth time. December 16th, but just barely… She understood why 12:30 AM was the right time for a secret meeting in the middle of the woods, far off from any trail or manmade light source, but it was still cold and dark enough to increase the distance from home. 

At least it wasn’t snowing. That she was able to hold onto, as well as the multiple handwarmers stuffed into each of her pockets. 

12:31. 

12:40. At this point, Bekah unscrewed the lid on her thermos and took an indulgent first gulp of hot chocolate. 

At 12:41, a thin branch snapped directly northeast of her. A figure stood perfectly still, boot-clad foot held precisely at the point of the noise. It had a large, waxed canvas coat on with a hood drawn close, wisps of warm breath barely escaping a woolen scarf. The figure raised its mittened hands and lowered its hood, revealing a face both exhausted and relieved. 

“Annabelle,” Drew sighed, marching forward through the brush and giving her a hug. Though they had little time for pleasantries in such a sensitive mission, it had still been three months since anyone had seen him.

“You’re eleven minutes late,” Bekah chided, “I was going to turn around.” 

“No you weren’t.” “Was too.” 

“Was not!” Drew stifled a laugh, drawing his attention to a bird having awoken from the commotion. 

“How long do we have?” Bekah took a seat on a mossy log that had escaped most dampness from evergreen tree cover. “I brought you some first aid, painkillers.” 

Drew sat down on the ground, some of his natural playfulness overriding his carefully constructed gruff demeanor. “I have never wanted an Ibuprofen more in my life.” 

Bekah drew out a small box that had a ribbon tied around it in a bow, “Are you hurt?” 

“No,” Drew admitted, “Just to have. Just in case. How did you know?” 

“You know I just know.” Bekah passed Drew the box, and he dug out from a secret pocket on his jacket a makeshift file folder with hand drawn maps, journal entries, and whatever else he could squirrel away. 

He reached deeper into the pocket still and brought out a small burlap sack. “Something else?” Bekah asked warily, concerned about the potential of Drew stealing an artifact or item of power from a cult so difficult to be stationed in. 

“Yeah, something else.” Drew unceremoniously dumped the total contents of the bag onto the ground and dropped his mittens on top. A handful of woodchips, a lighter (precious contraband brought on the last supply run), a cast iron pan the size of his extended palm and fingers, a vial of oil the size of his pinky, a small box labeled ‘CANDLES’, and a damp bag of something that smelled vegetal. 

There needed to be few words spoken to understand the task at hand. Bekah held the flame to the woodchips and gently coaxed an ember out as Drew gathered twigs and pushed stones into a circle. 

“I put salt and pepper in with the potato,” he explained as he rummaged through another pocket, “And I tried to bring some condiments, but everything’s kind of limited out here…” 

Bekah’s stomach sank. Above the mission, the deep trust they kept to maintain Drew’s secrecy, the greater ambitions of the Roanoke cult surveillance program, and even the biting cold itself, this moment would be the ultimate decider of Drew’s allegiance, whether he knew it or not. 

“Okay,” he sighed, “So I had a few leftover eggs, so I whipped up the whites with the last dried garlic bulb-” 

“Mayonnaise,” Bekah interrupted, “You brought-” 

“Aioli,” Drew pleaded, “Garlic aioli.” 

“Fine, aioli. What else?” 

Drew palmed another vial. “Vinaigrette from the fall. I spiced it myself. One of the better downtime activities.” 

“For latkes!?” 

“Okay, but get ready for the shocker. I was on contraband duty last week, and I couldn’t believe it… Everything is in the notes, but there were these two new guys, and…” He held a small packet between his fingers. 

“Barbecue sauce.” 

“From Arby’s.” 

“Barbecue sauce from Arby’s.” 

“Isn’t it incredible?” By now, the single latke sizzled on the tiny cast iron. Bekah offered her knife to flip it with as she processed the… uh, sure, incredible experience. 

By 1:00, the latke was crispy on both sides. Bekah split it down the middle. 

“What’s it like back home?” Drew asked, melting the bottoms of seven candles to the log. 

“Same as it ever was,” Bekah joked. “We found kittens in the garage.” 

“Are you serious?!” Drew paused his work to check her expression, “How many?” 

“Five.” Noticing Drew’s well-intentioned menorah spread, she nonchalantly palmed the lighter from Drew’s hand and melted down one more candle to finish the line. “They’ll be bigger when you’re back, but they look like aliens right now. Little fuzzy aliens.” 

“Little fuzzy aliens,” Drew remarked back. He dug one more candle out of the box and handed it to Bekah. 

Bekah lit it and murmured under her breath as she lit the row of candles. 

“Sorry you’re on assignment on night eight.” 

Bekah couldn’t hold her laugh any longer. A trio of birds flapped away. “I lit candles at the motel before heading out. You didn’t have to do this.” 

Drew shrugged. “It’s still a taste of home.” He peeled away his half of the latke and coyly squeezed half the packet of barbecue sauce onto it before taking a bite. 

Bekah took a breath and held it. She glanced away at the departing birds, and checked for any sign of  human life in range of hearing or seeing them. She exhaled and held out her hand for the rest of the sauce. “This,” she sharply warned, “Does not leave the woods. We do not tell anyone back home. Not ever.” 

“I always have room for another secret,” Drew agreed. They ate as the candles burned all the way down and the fire had been smothered. By the time Bekah turned on her flashlight, Drew was gone again.

[ashleywritesstuff]

Happy Santa Sci-Fi Saturday! It's been a busy week over here, but I squeezed in another screening of The Marvels (now up to 7), and I've been catching up on my backlog of Mission Log: A Roddenberry Star Trek Podcast. As for holiday-related, I spun my vinyl copy of A Charlie Brown Christmas multiple times this week. How about you?

[wibur]

im wearing a thick cozy flannel YAYYYY. MY LIFE IS SO GREAT‼️

[funsizedshark]

happy ten years to the most committed an actor has ever been

[rui-drawsbox]

Comm for @ SproutAstro :3c

[ncwblue]

@perpetualxfire sent: "Soooooooo, I've got some, news for you, once you're, settled with breakfast." Carolina was quick to plop down at the nearest seat, in sweats and a tank top herself, having dragged enough sand in with her to build a sandcastle judging by the soles of her bare feet.

"Is it that I have to sweep again?"

It was meant to be a joke, though he says it so flatly that Wash felt the need to give her a small smile just to be sure she knew he meant it as such. He picks at his eggs some more, feeling he might have overcooked them (at least to his liking). Chances were high he'd be settled with breakfast sooner rather than later.

All the better, he supposed. It would be a lie to say he wasn't vastly interested in whatever Carolina wanted to tell him. "What have you been doing all morning?"

[neproxrezi]

i dont have enough gas in the tank to say anything insightful about it rn but it sucks a comical amount to live or work in a superstructure. what is this fire escape stairwell

[zefforuins]

Batman (1940) #426 // Batman: Arkham Knight (2015) - Arkham Knight Audio File #2 // Batman (1940) #650

[ludaroace]

okay i don't know if it means anything but to me it doesn't feel like a coincidence that the attack today happened when just bagi pac and fit (3/4 of the current rebellion members) were on ? because like, that attack was goddamn brutal in comparison to the rest of them and it just so happens to be the ONLY one (so far) that the code shows up for ? you know, the code that is tied DIRECTLY to the rebellion ?

[courageisneverforgotten]

shoutout to “quirky” girls in media who have undiagnosed (or unlabeled) autism/adhd. gotta be one of my favorite genders

[brighteststar707]

combing through youtube for a very specific 707 call and this thumbnail took me out

[mirrorhouse]

(some of the) metal gear solid mission log artwork

[wibur]

mikus boyfriend in world is mine is so lame

[callmearcturus]

i've never seen someone who hates MI3 more than MI2 before

(NOTE: LONG POST, HIT J TO SKIP)

MI3, how do I hate thee? lemme count the ways

The Filming Itself

the cinematography is atrocious. as Punct and I discussed in our DVD commentary track for MI3, I truly feel like JJ Abrams is aware that shaky cam exists, but not the reasons someone would use it, so the camera is shaking even in sequences it absolutely should not be. it feels to me that JJA was like "the more important/intense a scene, the more the camera should move" and like. jfc.

this is like really important because it makes it literally difficult to understand the movie as its unfolding. there's multiple moments when you lose pieces of the action due to the cinematography. two moments immediately come to mind: Zhen falling out of the helicopter and having to climb back in, and the way the camera completely ruins Ethan's base jump escape from the Shanghai building.

SPEAKING OF, there are only two good stunts in this film. one is Ethan breaking the car with his body on the bridge. which is bc that's shot as a fairly steady pull-back with Ethan running directly at camera. the other is the batshit spidercam full tilt sprint at the end of the movie where the camera holds shot for probably the longest period in the entire movie. everything else is wrecked by the shitty camerawork.

POINT IS THAT THE SHALLOWEST APPEAL OF MI MOVIES IS THE STUNTS AND MI3 HAS BY FAR THE WORST STUNTS

also why the fuck is the camera shaking during normal stationary shot-reverse-shot dialogue scenes, JJ. jesus fucking christ. can I please see the actors ACTUALLY ACTING please?

The Script

kay lets move on from my fiery hatred of the camerawork and onto my fiery hatred of this movie's script. I am a non-professional writer and i could run a fucking clinic on this goddamn script.

lets get the most egregious thing out of the way immediately: this movie tries to make you give a shit about The Team and one of the team members is literally never named in dialogue for the entire runtime of the movie. if you miss the five frame intro card for Declan at the start of the movie, you will never learn that character's name for the entire movie. that's such a fucking egregious fuck-up I almost think I can just say that and it explains The Problem With MI3

BUT THAT'S BORING SO LETS GO ON

I have seen many many people say that their favorite villain in MI is Owen Davian. that's.... fine. but is that because he's just suuuuuch a compelling character, or because Phillip Seymour Hoffman showed up and decided "I'm going to play this guy like an investment banker who went postal one day" and he's PSH and was one of the most naturally charismatic men to live?

IMO they had to get PSH bc on paper, Davian is just the most non-entity of the MI villains. there is no motivation outside of Being The Bad Guy, there's no backstory, there's a void of a character. even Hendricks from GP has all of those things and he's a villain as plot device.

also why the sweet fuck did he kill his translator. lets set aside the incredible Yikes element of covering an asian woman's face with a white woman's because Yikes but also why the fuck was she being "punished"?

WHICH SEGUES NICELY INTO PLOT CONTRIVANCE BITCHING. this movie is held together with contrivances. the grandest example is the We have to put Ethan in an unsexy bondage mask for this interrogation bc if he could speak in this scene, the movie would fall apart but the entire plot hinges on a moment when the Actual Bad Guy Musgrave literally fucking says

"Did Lindsey figure out I was the bad guy? Did she figure out all these things I did which I will now list for you? Did you the audience she figure that out? No you didn't which is why I am explaining it explicitly to camera." THIS IS. I JUST. FLAMES ON THE SIDES OF MY FACE!!!!!! I find it hilarious how GP presents the exact kind of Excuse Plot but actually does it pitch-perfectly, because it had Chris McQuarrie to actually write it.

The Entire Rabbit's Foot thing. Speaking of McQ, he had a quote that basically cemented my lust for his brain and my desire to absorb his power. fuck it here's the full quote:

"Respectfully, I’m not a mystery box guy. I don’t believe in that kind of storytelling, I feel that that leads to — I understand that it makes for very compelling narrative drive, but it brings you to the end of the movie and it inspires the three great words of cinema, which are: “And? So? OK?” And if you hear any one of those three things, it’s time to go back to the drawing board. I believe that a mystery is only as good as its reveal.”

now this was about Ghost Protocol, not intended as a criticism of MI3 but it sums up the entire problem with the Rabbit's Foot. like, it's a mystery box with nothing in it because... the contents don't matter. in the climax of the movie, you see the Rabbit's Foot and it looooooks like it miiiight be a bioweapon? but it doesn't matter. so the fact that it's VERY LOUDLY a mystery literally has no purpose and never pays off. so to quote McQ again: And? So? Ok?

Oh and that's all just my anger at the Plot Writing of MI3. that doesn't even touch on the character writing.

Character Fuckery

We've already touched on Owen Davian being a void of motivation and on the fact THEY DIDN'T GIVE US THE NAME OF ONE OF THE CORE TEAM MEMBERS lets get into the rest of it

"And did you ever.... sleep with your sister" is the worst line in a Mission Impossible movie and you made Ving fucking Rhames say it. I'm a rehabilitationist but I will make an exception for once if we can send the person who wrote that line to prison forever.

To be honest this entire movie does Luther so fucking dirty it's astonishing. He's here to artificially create conflict. I honestly find it annoying that his Defining Character Trait in MI1 and the thing that drew Ethan to him was his scruples regarding endangering people, and he has like. nothing to say about giving Davian the rabbit's foot. Okay.

THE CRIMINAL WASTE OF SIMON PEGG. Benji gets two scenes in this movie and the second one is.... frankly maybe the singular good bit of fun, engaging character interaction in the whole movie, but to get there you have to weather the Antigod Speech which. I can barely think about with IRL cringing, like my body just has an allergic reaction to the idea. it doesn't help that he's used as the mouthpiece for the Mystery Box of the movie, and we've already established its an empty box that doesn't matter.

(what I find hilarious is that Pegg is an extremely good character writer and I would bet every dollar in my measly bank account that he could have improvised a better version of that speech. god i hate it.)

Ethan and Julia. IMO Cruise and Monaghan carried this movie on their fucking backs and without them putting in the WORK with zero material, this movie would be incomprehensibly worst. Cruise and Monaghan, thank you for your service.

Punct always points out when we watch MI3 that there is a batshit moment in the climax where Julia is strapped to a chair and the camera keeps cutting to her like she's planning something to turn the tables or something but it. never happens? it's egregious and weird how the movie treats her.

actually even as much as I love Monaghan's work here and I'm the kindest to Julia, I feel like the movie doesn't respect her as much as I do. (Punct joked that JJ Abrams doesn't respect women as much as Ethan Hunt does and its hilarious and true.) but the movie keeps being Weird about Julia and putting her in tiddy-licious nighties and gives Ethan a very weird sexy dream sequence about her? and the Mission Impossible that I know and love would have objectified Ethan just as much as her, thank you very much.

Ethan and that goddamn assault rifle.

Actually I want this in its own section

Ethan uses an assault rifle at least twice to my off-the-dome recollection. Luther uses MULTIPLE REMOTE-OPERATED MACHINE GUNS to mow down a factory building. There is a massive shootout on a bridge with a JET FLYING AROUND FIRING MISSILES. Ethan DANGLES A MAN OUT OF A FUCKING PLANE.

In MI1, Ethan Hunt never fires a single shot and only holds a gun on someone once to my memory. Even in MI2, the Stupid One, Ethan is armed but only really gets into one shootout and does a lot of kicking people in slowmotion, which is silly, but My point is that MI3 feels like a Call of Duty campaign with its body count and the way it reframes Ethan's job away from Honeytrap and Spy to Generic Soldier.

and it's fucking boring. all of Ethan's guile moments are clawed out of the morass of him just shooting people, and its devastatingly boring. paired with the REMOTE-OPERATED MACHINE GUNS and the new portrayal of the IMF in MI3, it just feels like.... Ethan is one of the baddies actually? the ppl who show up with three van-mounted machine guns are not the good guys, lmao.

I don't have time to go into the visual design of this movie and how the most interesting locations are so poorly lit you can't fucking see them but we need to talk about the IMF Itself in this movie

I actually have already written my thoughts about the evolution of the IMF through the series and I'm in passionate desperate love with what that evolution signals thematically

B U T the IMF in MI3 is just a fucking crime procedural lab. there is a War Room, there's Meeting Rooms, and when stuff breaks we have The Room Where The Nerds Live. it's just CSI/NCIS/name a stupid show. which fits because IIRC this is JJA's first or one of the first films, and he's a TV man by trade. but by carrying that Weekly Procedural philosophy into MI, it reduces the texture of MI.

the montage of Ethan training Lindsey is the most unintentionally hilarious scene in the movie.

/takes a deep breath

.... is that everything?

NO WAIT I WANT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE VATICAN INFILTRATION. they put in a lot of work and its easily the most boring infiltration in cinema history. there is no tension, no fun, no improv.

ETHAN HUNT WAS LITERALLY IN A CATHOLIC PRIEST COSTUME COMPLETE WITH THE COLLAR AND THERE IS NOT A SINGLE LINE OF DIALOGUE ABOUT IT. THERE ARE NO JOKES. NOTHING. if this was any of the other MI movies, this would be an opening for some banter and jokes, but THEY FORGOT TO PUT THE ENGAGING TEAM DYNAMICS INTO THE FUCKING MOVIE ARRRRKSJFLSKDJHFKSD

that moment when you can kinda see Maggie Q's vag. wh. what was that.

here's the good parts of MI3

it gave us Julia, and she's still great when she returns in Fallout. even with an actively bad script, she brings gravity and grace to a movie that needs it.

Luther calls Ethan "baby" and it's great and its Luther's only good moment in the fucking movie

Ethan Hunt is at his most autistic in this movie and I love it

Ethan and Benji's second scene actually has patter and character moments and chemistry. that one scene has more character than any other in the entire movie and that's sad but also thank god.

the scene where Ethan is preparing to kill himself and is explaining to Julia how to reload the gun "just like the flashlight in the kitchen" is actually a pristine moment. i wish the camera didn't focus as much on Julia's tits while she's doing CPR but listen. i'll take it.

Ethan blocking communications in the IMF by putting the walkietalkie by the radio is very funny.

Tom Cruise really actually broke the windshield of that car with the impact of his body, goddamn.

jfc I need an Exorcism right now, I might go watch MI1 again just to cleanse

AT LEAST MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 2 KNEW WHAT IT WANTED TO BE AND EXECUTED ON THAT. In this house we may not like MI2 but we respect it.

I will fistfight JJ Abrams on sight.

[marvelousjj]

Ana wanted to get as far away form that place as she possibly could. She hadn't believed it was possible until he showed up. She remembered laying awake at night, praying he would show up, despite them saying she would never see him again. He had made it to the rooftop when they took her away from him...Perhaps he had gotten out. It ad turned out that he had, against all odds, her hopes and prayers had been answered.

She watched him kneel down, and instruct her to climb onto his back, and hang on. She nodded and did as he told her, clinging around his neck with a tight grip. It wasn't the first time she had done something like this when they needed to be quick. His legs were longer and she was easy to carry with her height.

Her eyes squinted shut while the Soldier took out what guards he could, but just as they had preached...chop off one head, and more will take it's place...

The Soldier was doing the best that he could, but even that was proving to not be good enough as they reached outside and closer to the gate. She hadn't been outside in six months, and despite it being in the middle of the night, there was a bright light that felt like it could blind her. She hid her eyes while she heard Russians shouting for him to put the child down.

She needed to do something they were completely surrounded and she knew that no matter how hard he fought, they wouldn't be making it out. She was tired, and even if she wasn't...It would take a lot out of her. But she had to try.

Ana let go of her hold on him, letting herself fall down his back and into the cold mud. The agents raised their guns, telling her to go back inside, and they wouldn't hurt him. She knew that was a lie. The second they had her inside he would be shot on side, with as many bullets as it took to get the job done.

She shivered slightly, but looking up at a group of the agents, she stared them down for a second before nodding to side with her head, as if gesturing for them to move. As if on command, the men turned their necks until five snaps were heard, and they fell to the ground. While another group of agents advanced forward, she held her hand out to them, before raising her hand in the other direction. Her eyes squinted shut before the agents all went flying back in the opposite direction. Some survived, but most were killed by colliding with a cement wall, or being impaled into something.

Turning around to look at the Soldier, she was now bleeding out of her nose slightly. She let out a tired huff before her legs gave out and her eyes fluttered shut, bringing her down to the ground.