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clearlynotjanus · 3 years

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Moceit Appreciation Week :: Aftermath

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Art by @nonchimerical

tag list: @sanderssidesangsttrash @catalinaacosta @whatishappeningrightnow @the-snekwhisperer-world @varthandi @the-dead-and-the-decaying @serpentinesomebody

CW: Alcohol/Wine mention, food mention, insinuated swearing Word Count: 5646 Genre: Hurt/Comfort Rating: Teen Ships: Moceit, implied Loceit, implied Intruloceit, implied Dukeceit, implied if you squint Prinxiety

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“Well,” Janus started, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Seems like things worked out after all,” Here it comes, he thought, another round of the Blame Game. “Guess I was wrong about everything,” It didn’t matter that they had just come to some sort of understanding; after years of passing the buck between them, Janus was awfully accustomed to Patton saying his input was wrong -- Especially in a situation like this, where evolving circumstances made his advice seem moot.

“You and I both know …” Patton’s soft voice interrupted Janus’ bitterness. The tone caught him off guard, though as far as he knew, the sentence would end in a crushing you’re wrong. It was best not to get his hopes up, but the silence dragged on too long, and Janus’ defenses fell with his racing thoughts. “That’s not true,” Patton finished finally and Janus couldn’t help but to look over at the wistfully pensive expression that accompanied Patton’s admission. Perhaps it was just a sense of victory he felt, but humorlessly, his lips reciprocated.

“Is that--” Janus began only to be comedically interrupted by the vagrant and imaginative impression of Leslie Odom Jr. With a heavy sigh, the specter was dismissed and the sounds of Thomas with his friends began to fill the apartment.

Awkwardly, Janus and Patton stood next to each other. Sidelong, Janus caught Patton’s expression softening as Thomas laughed loudly at something Lee just said.

“Well, even if things did work out,” Janus started again, chin raised like he expected a fight. Patton blinked and turned his head, wearing a curious expression as though he had actually been content standing in silence together. “You should still consider what Logan and I said today.”

“Oh, well, yeah,” Patton said like that was a given. The sentence trailed off in an unusual and nervous way that made it feel like he had more to say, but more never came. Janus resigned himself to being content with that. Patton had seen the repercussions of his actions; there was little more he could do now besides press the issue when need be.

“Good,” He paused, nodding slightly. Speaking of Logan, the thought crossed his mind that he should check on him, given how their bargain had gone. “At any rate, I suppose I’ll … see you another time.”

Patton forced a smile, pulling at the fabric of his shirt anxiously. “Yeah! See you around, Jan,” The old nickname slipped out and Patton cleared his throat.

A week later, Patton squeaked an, “Oh,” as he walked into the Light Side kitchen. “Hiya, Janus,” He greeted in a pitchy, nervous voice. A weird feeling blossomed in his stomach and he thought he might be getting sick.

“Hello, Patton,” Janus gave a half-lipped smile as he finally reached into the fridge, having stood here for the better part of an hour.

“Didn’t expect to see you over here,” Patton’s anxiety was evident; just holding the cup he had come to place into the sink was a gamble given how shaky his hands were suddenly. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, just peachy,” He responded sweetly, tipping the freshly retrieved carton of milk into his now cold cup of tea. “We were just out of milk you see,” He explained, holding the carton up as evidence before sliding it back into the fridge.

“Oh, okay,” Well, that made sense, as long as Patton didn’t think about it too hard. Brushing his hip against the counter on the far side of the kitchen, Patton placed his cup into the sink and promptly turned back around. “Well if that’s all, I’ll--”

“There was one more thing actually,” Janus interrupted, absentmindedly opening a drawer to borrow a spoon. He turned to face Patton, expression unreadable. “Just while I have you here, of course.”

“S-sure!” Patton stuttered. “What’s on your mind?” He gripped the lip of the counter he leaned against, knuckles soon going white.

“Well I was just wondering,” Janus continued slowly as he stirred his tea unnecessarily. “If you had any, oh I don’t know;” his tongue clicked with a shallow, one shouldered shrug. “Dilemmas, problems, maybe some quandaries of poor Thomas’ that you needed to … bounce ideas around for?”

Patton gulped and quickly shook his head. The lively feeling in his stomach suddenly felt unpleasantly warm. “Nope!” He laughed humorlessly as he pushed himself forward and started to stumble backwards out of the kitchen. “None at all! Thomas has, hah, Thomas has been doing just great lately! No problems here!” The air sweetened and Janus lost his appetite for his overly sugared cup of tea. “If that’s all--”

“Yes, yes, whatever then,” Janus raised the spoon out of his cup and waved it dismissively with a sigh, flicking drops of tea on the floor.

Patton hopped the last two steps out of the kitchen and was hardly down the hall when he heard a new voice. High pitched and nasally, it was unmistakably the Duke’s. Patton’s body froze in fear.

“Janny! What’s taking you so long?” Janny? Patton questioned internally. That’s … actually kind of a cute nickname…

“Remus,” Janus sounded annoyed and surprised. “I told you to wait.”

“I was waiting! For like, a whole hour! How long does it take to get milk?” The frustration in Remus’ voice grew and Patton’s brows furrowed. An hour? Janus was … in their kitchen for an hour?

“However long it takes,” Janus mumbled and Patton got the sense he wasn’t talking about getting milk anymore. Suddenly the clattering sound of Janus carelessly tossing his teacup into the sink rang in his ears; until then, Patton didn’t realize how hard he was listening, or how quickly his heart was beating. He squeaked, too loudly, and then the voices in the kitchen stopped as he threw a hand over his mouth.

“Who the fu--” Remus abruptly stopped. Patton’s ears twitched, going red. He could almost make out the sound of a whisper. Fear set adrenaline lose in his blood and he silently sank out.

Later that month, Patton and Roman sat on the couch, watching some show together. Between Roman becoming distracted with the notebook in his lap and Patton dreamily staring out the window, neither of them really knew what was happening on screen; but that much didn’t really matter. Patton enjoyed sitting there, listening to Roman’s scribbles, and Roman enjoyed not being holed up in his room, burning his candle at both ends. It was a pleasant afternoon, for all intents and purposes.

“I’m going to grab a Coke,” Roman said with a stretch, setting his notebook aside. “You want one?”

“Huh?” Patton blinked, “Oh yeah, sure. Thanks!” He said with a typical smile.

The cushions had hardly risen from Roman’s absence before the couch was jostled again. “That was fas--” Patton started before registering who had actually taken Roman’s place. “Oh, J-Janus, hello,” His voice hitched and the television suddenly felt muted.

“Hello, darling,” Janus greeted warmly, an arm over the back of the couch.

“What’s up?” Patton questioned, taking a deep breath. Nerves wracked his stomach familiarly and a warmth made the back of his neck itch. “Everything alright?”

“Splendid, of course, thank you,” Janus charmed and paused. With curiosity, he reached for Roman’s notebook between them.

“Oh, you shouldn--” Patton started but it was too late; Janus had flipped open the cover and started admiring the haphazard yet beautiful doodles on the first page.

“So I was thinking,” Janus began, thumbing to another page. His eyes glazed over the curly cursive writing. Patton glanced anxiously behind Janus; if Roman walked in right now… “Have you noticed anything … off about our dear Thomas lately?”

“Off?” Patton echoed. He tried to think; ever since the reconciliation he had with Lee and Mary-Lee, things had been … better. Patton had been trying to lay off of reacting to things so quickly and he thought he was doing well with it. “N-no, I don’t think anything specific’s been wrong,” He surmised slowly. “Why do you ask?” Had Janus noticed something he didn’t? His stomach tightened uncomfortably now.

“Just wondering is all,” He dismissed with a curt smile. A pause ensued and Patton could hear Roman hum-singing to himself in the kitchen. Janus placed his palm on the couch and stared at Patton from under his lashes after a moment. “Though that brings up an interesting question, don’t you think?” His voice was low and provocative. Patton had to listen closely to hear anything at all, which made him lean towards Janus unconsciously. He felt like a useless fly; did that make Janus something dangerous? Something that’d burn him or swallow him up if he got too close?

“D-does it?” Patton stuttered, trying to keep his voice as quiet as Janus’. Admittedly, he wasn’t exactly following; too paranoid about Roman coming back, too nervous about what Janus was about to say, too flustered from suddenly being this close. Butterflies cut up the inside of his stomach.

“Mhmmmm,” Janus exaggerated, “Tell me,” He batted his eyes and Patton’s cheeks warmed. “Would you even let me know if something was wrong? ... Would you let me help in that case?”

Patton’s mouth opened like he had a response immediately, but no words followed; only a rush of warm air that blew sweetly in Janus’ face. He didn’t have an answer to that question, and thankfully, he wouldn’t need one.

“One Coke for the Marvelous Morality~” Roman sang as he rounded the kitchen corner, two filled glasses in his hands.

Patton blinked and Janus was gone, making him wonder if he had imagined the entire thing. Roman slid the drinks onto the coffee table and plopped heavily back on the couch with a gruff sound. Patton straightened his back as Roman reached for his notebook.

“Hm?” Roman’s brow furrowed, “Did you open this, Pat?” Patton struggled with his words for a second before Roman laughed. “If you wanted to read what I was working on, you could’ve just asked! Here,” Roman flipped through the pages, ignorant to the dumbfounded expression on Patton’s face, “I’ll read this much to you, but prepare yourself; it’s a little rough,” Roman said with grandeur before clearing his throat several times.

If asked, Patton couldn’t recall what Roman had read to him then. Janus’ words kept repeating in his ears until Patton was so dizzy, he felt faint.

The warm month of May shifted impatiently towards the sweltering Flordian heat of June. Even as the sun set, the summer continued to loom with heavy, humid air. Realizing that the apartment showed no signs of cooling off any time soon, Patton went to his room with the intent of changing into something lighter than his usual khakis. His heart stopped and all traces of a coherent thought process came to an abrupt halt, however, as he spotted someone on his bed.

“Oh hello, dear,” Janus purred as though this was a chance meeting. He was lounging back, head resting against Patton’s pillow, one leg crossed over the other. His hat was placed on his stomach, revealing a crooked hairline that seemed to be pushed back by the encroaching scales on the left side of his face; a sight Patton had caught glimpses of by now, but not one he was altogether familiar with.

“J-Janus!” Patton managed through the shock, a hand clutched the fabric of his shirt at his chest. “You almost gave me a heart attack!” He panted, forcing himself to take a gasping, deep breath.

“Apologies,” Janus offered a half smile, but hadn’t yet looked at Patton for more than a glance. Instead, he was focused on flipping through the rectangle shaped memories in his hands. Patton recognized them, once he gathered his senses enough to register the scene fully.

“You ... came to look at those?” Patton assumed, leaning to the side with a raised chin to peer at the one Janus was now staring at. It was an old memory that had begun to go grayscale at the edges. From Patton’s point of view like all of them, it showed Janus; smug at all of ten years old in an oversized hat that fell lopsided on his head. He looked as smart as any actual lawyer might as they won their case. Janus could tell Patton had been smiling when this memory became dear enough to actualize here, in his room.

“In a way,” Janus admitted. Unlike prior conversations, his voice was soft and now he, too, wore a rather endeared smile -- at least for a silent moment, as they both appreciated the memory. Soon he sighed and flipped to the next. The color of this one was vibrant and tinged in an idealistic, soft pink; the color of a schoolboy’s blush. Janus, now perhaps thirteen, reached over with a puzzle piece in hand. It was one of the last few Patton needed to finish the border he had been working on all afternoon. He remembers having begun tearing up, frustrated at not being able to complete something like that. But then Janus walked in. He had simply blinked between Patton’s watery eyes and the pile of pieces, sat down, and began to rifle through them for a moment before locating the one Patton needed. He pressed it into place easily and smiled. It hadn’t been his usual egotistical or knowing smile. It was one that made Patton’s little teenage heart race.

Janus sighed with finality and placed the pile of memories on Patton’s bedside table. As he sat on the edge, he put his hat back on. “Mostly I wanted to see if my own memories lined up,” Janus said as he stood, busying himself with adjusting his clothing. “You’ve been so obstinate lately, I had begun to think we never worked well together.”

Patton’s heart sank and so did his head. “We used to,” He whispered at the floor.

“We did,” Janus said, bittersweetness on his tongue. He shrugged and took slow steps around Patton. “It’s a shame you won’t just let us be like that again,” Janus shrugged a flimsy wrist, sounding mockingly disheartened. “But,” He amended as he reached the door behind Patton. “You’ve had everything handled without me for years now, so,”

“Yeah,” Patton agreed, instantly regretting how loud his voice was. “I have had everything handled! This whole time!” He spun around and Janus’ hand froze on the doorknob. “Without you! and now you’re trying to be around, acting like we can just go back to how it was, assuming that the others will just -- just -- get over it or something,” Patton’s voice gained an exasperated and humored edge despite finding absolutely none of this funny. “Roman nearly had a breakdown at just the idea of trusting you! Virgil can’t be in the same room with you! I just -- I don’t,” Patton’s anger began to fizzle out into despair.

His breathing caught up with him, now heavy and quick. The hand that had been pointing with accusation at Janus’ back fell with the intent of gripping his shoulder, but as though Janus saw that coming, he pulled away.

“I see,” He said, after a silent moment with an unreadable tone. “You have a lot to worry about,” Janus released the door knob. “Don’t let me keep you then,” and as fast as Patton could blink, Janus was gone.

One night, a little over a week later, Patton couldn’t sleep no matter what he did. Supposing he deserved a cookie for his trouble, he wandered into the kitchen, only to find the light already on. He froze and blinked sleepy eyes at the scene; was that … Janus? and Logan? Sitting at the small table by the bookshelf together? Patton gulped and the pair noticed him before he could digest much more.

“Patton,” Logan greeted curtly, sitting up as he seemed to notice how far over he had been leaning. “It’s late. What are you doing up?”

“Well I could say the same thing to you!” Patton joked, but his tone was off. The three sat in awkward silence and Janus busied himself with retrieving the nearly empty bottle of wine from the floor between them. “Wh--What are you guys up to?” Patton asked conversationally, pressing his knuckles together nervously.

Janus and Logan exchanged a look and Patton’s face became feverish. He had never felt so terribly out of place before. He shifted on his feet, realizing how uncomfortable his skin was.

“Well if you must know,” Janus answered, refilling Logan’s glass before meeting Patton’s eyes. His gaze was lidded, knowing, and it set Patton on fire. “We’re trying to find a solution to a problem you insist doesn’t exist.”

“Oh now, that can’t be true!” Patton objected eagerly, taking a half step forward only to receive a dubious expression from Logan.

“And why’s that?” Janus asked as he refilled his own glass. “Because you know everything?” His voice was heavy with sarcasm and wine. Janus could feel Logan’s gaze on him now; curious, wondering how he had gone from laughing demurely at something one moment to passive aggressively reproaching Patton the next. Janus wondered in turn what Logan would think of him for his words, but figured the judgement wouldn’t be too harsh. Patton annoyed them both most of the time. “Or because you think we’re too inept to solve anything for Thomas?”

Patton’s hands shook as they anxiously balled fists in the fabric of his shirt. Why would Janus say something so mean? His stomach twisted into intricate knots. Is that how Janus thought he felt? Did he really think Patton thought he was inept? His eyes stung as he stared at the ground. He couldn’t cry here, that’d just add more shame to this horrific, nightmarish moment.

“N-neither, really,” Patton whispered, not trusting his voice to be any louder.

“Why then?” Janus pressed insistently, staring Patton down with hands folded atop the haphazard papers. Logan shifted uncomfortably in his chair. This felt like a grotesque mockery of their court scenario the other day...

Patton sniffled quietly, trying to keep from snotting all over himself. “I didn’t realize anything was wrong…” His voice pitched and broke with the effort he extended to keep from sobbing on the spot. How awful it was, to be misinterpreted this gravely, to not have the words to explain himself, to think Janus hated him for not knowing how to ask for forgiveness.

Janus swallowed a lump in his throat and forced himself to roll his eyes. “Well that’s your mistake then,” He mumbled, sitting back in his chair. As he reached for his freshly poured glass of wine, Logan hesitantly pressed feather-light fingers against his sleeve.

“I think that’s enough,” Logan whispered without much tact before looking back at Patton. “We were almost finished here. The kitchen is all yours in a few moments,” Janus scornfully met his serious gaze and soon clicked his tongue. This time, his eye roll was genuine.

“Yeah sure,” Janus snarked to no one in particular as he stood. “Let’s leave it all to Patton. As usual.”

“Thank you all for joining us today,” Logan began professionally, briskly meeting everyone’s eyes.

“Yes, thank you all so much for taking the time out of your very busy schedules,” Janus snarked in good humor from his position next to Logan; an easel with a balanced poster board stood between them. The information on the board was utilitarian in design; flat colors with thick black lines. Altogether, it was very easy to read and especially clear that Janus, with all his dramatic flair, didn’t have a single hand involved in the writing of it.

“Sure thing,” Patton interjected from his usual spot near the sliding glass door. He raised a finger like one would raise their hand in class. “But uh, I’m a little confused. What’s this all about?”

“I’m glad you asked, Patton,” Logan began, immediately getting cut off by Virgil, who had shoved himself in the very corner of the stairway.

“This is a waste of time, why am I here? I have nothing to do with stuff like this,” he gestured at the poster board, clearly not actually reading anything written there.

“You’re here so we can get your input,” Logan gestured between Patton, Roman, and Remus, who seemed to be fidgeting with some wires behind the television, “Along with everyone else’s.”

“I say let him go if he wants to,” Janus mumbled cynically, adjusting his capelet. “He’s not at all capable of providing helpful feedback.”

“You mean I don’t feed your ego,” Virgil replied bitterly with a scowl. His mouth opened to continue but no sound was produced as Logan met his eyes expectantly. Virgil sighed and shifted stubbornly against the wall. “But fine. If Logan has something to say, I guess I’ll listen. For a bit.”

“Thank you, Virgil,” Logan said, offering a small smile.

At some point during Virgil and Janus’ bickering, the twins began to argue. The quarrel increased in volume and Janus cleared his throat.

“Darling?” Janus called, brows and chin raised. Remus’ head poked up from behind the television; black, blue, and red wires were between his lips like thick spaghetti noodles. Roman crossed his arms with a loud huff and a dramatic roll of his eyes. “Care to clue me in on what’s going on over there?”

Using his tongue, Remus maneuvered the wires to the right side of his mouth. “Roboat thinks he can stop me from eating these wires,” He explained with his mouth full. Janus scrunched his nose delicately and shook his head.

“Leave their wires alone, dear,” Remus deflated and opened his lips, letting the spit-soaked things fall out and back onto the floor. Patton went visibly queasy at the display, pulling at the hem of his shirt nervously.

“Okay,” Remus pouted exaggeratedly.

Janus turned and smiled pleasantly at Logan, who adjusted his glasses with a hint of exasperation, though both Janus and Remus knew the irritation was only ever meant with fondness for the Duke.

“If we’re ready to begin,” Logan started and everyone fell begrudgingly silent. “For several weeks now, Janus and I hav--”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Virgil interrupted, sitting up again and waving his hands hastily. “You and Deceit have been talking for weeks now?” Patton chewed his lip and tried to look at anything but the inevitable fight currently breaking out.

“Hey, yeah!” Roman agreed, pointing in Logan and Janus’ direction. Anger creased his expression. “I haven’t even seen that Sneaking Snob around here at all! Wouldn’t we have noticed if he was stalking around here like some B movie villain?”

“Maybe you would have if you were more perceptive,” Janus mumbled to himself, looking busily down at his gloved hand as though to inspect his nails. Remus snickered and whispered an oooo, like Roman had just gotten called to the principal's office.

“I’m plenty perceptive, thank you, Boa Bitch-stricter,” Roman dropped his arm heatedly.

The bickering continued for several more minutes, insults flying towards Janus from both Virgil and Roman. He took them in stride, giving his own snide and sarcastic comments back that only served to fuel both of their tempers. Patton’s nerves grew with each passing second; he shifted on his feet, pushed his knuckles together, debated sinking out silently but figured he’d better not cause more tension than there already was. Eventually, Logan spoke up above the roar.

“If you would all just listen,” He said, managing to gain everyone’s attention. “I promise we’ll be through in just a few minutes,” Everyone mumbled a respective, incoherent comment each as they shuffled and settled back to their original positions. Remus gave a cheer in support of Logan, which was followed by a whispered curse and apology as the latter gave a pointedly serious look.

To a silent and mostly attentive room, Logan explained what he and Janus had been discussing and planning for the last two months. Thomas’ financial situation, they all agreed, wasn’t spectacular. To that end, Logan had asked the newly accepted Janus if he had any ideas or solutions. Despite Janus’ surprise at being asked for input (and being considered ‘accepted’ at this point), he offered to go over the issue in detail with Logan; something none of the others had done to date. Over late nights of tasteful wine and the occasional dinner beforehand, they had crunched numbers, mapped solutions, and thought up lists of pros and cons to a multitude of different fixes.

Hearing this, gears clicked into place for Patton; the time he had stumbled on them late at night made a lot more sense now. Though even with the explanation, Patton’s stomach continued to knot painfully. He would really rather not recall that moment. It was filled with such shame and guilt and suspicion, he almost refused to believe it had even happened.

“And so after all that,” Logan approached the end of his explanation, “We settled on a very reliable and doable solution; Thomas and his team should, by all means, open up a Patreon.”

The audience’s eyes went wide as they stared at each other. The fact that the numbers had gone over their heads was clear on their faces, but the conclusion was easy enough to understand.

“So wait,” Virgil said, sitting up slowly, “Basically, what you’re saying is, we should ask the viewers for money, for something Thomas already gives them for free?” He asked incredulously.

“I don’t see why we couldn’t provide them with a little something extra every now and again,” Janus chimed in with a flourish of his fingers and an enigmatic grin. “The amount of things Thomas keeps hidden...phew, let me tell you,” His brows raised dramatically.

“You’re considering airing out his dirty laundry? For money?” Roman interjected, tone fantastically offended. “Preposterous! Who do you think you are, treating Thomas’ classified secrets like they’re some measly prince being sold for ransom!”

“Like that isn’t what our series is already based on?” Janus asked skeptically. Roman fell silent after a few sputtered and disjointed, rather useless words. “The point is,” Janus continued after a moment, meeting everyone’s eyes seriously now. “Thomas can’t afford to keep making videos if we don’t do something. I know you’re all against me, but you could at least extend the courtesy of considering it for Logan.”

Again the room became hushed, but only for a moment before Remus decided to speak up.

“It’s a great idea. Lolo! But I think he could make even more money if he did an OnlyFans!” Remus said too loudly for the room’s atmosphere. Patton flinched and grimaced distastefully, beginning to regret not making a bigger fuss about letting the Duke attend this meeting.

“No one asked you,” Roman snarked, turning slightly to glare at his brother.

“Actually,” Logan interrupted, “We did ask him, all of you,” He gestured with an open palm. “We’re asking you to consider it, as Janus said. No big decision needs to be made right now, even if I don’t quite understand what the hold up could possibly be,” Logan glanced at Janus with a hint of aggravation, “But something bad will happen if we don’t do something.”

“Alright,” Patton said quietly, nodding. “I think we get it, so,” He looked sheepishly around the room; Roman and Virgil had perked up significantly at Patton’s words. They both clearly waited with expectant expressions for Morlaity’s opinion. The twisting in his stomach grew uncomfortably hot. “So,” He repeated before drawing in a breath through his teeth, “Why don’t we all take the night and think about it. We’ll talk more about it tomorrow after … after we’ve all had a little while to think.”

“Very well,” Logan responded immediately, almost cheerfully -- at least cheerfully for Logan’s standards. “That’s quite alright with me, though please try to be quick about it.”

Janus’ brow pinched subtly as he stared at Patton for a moment too long. Logan had called his name twice before the third reached him through his thoughts.

“Janus?”

“Oh, yes,” He cleared his throat and nodded shallowly a few times, “By all means, do drag this out.”

Logan nodded, agreeing with the true intent of Janus’ sarcastic comment as he removed the poster board from the easel. As he collapsed the set up, Patton sunk out silently; the twins began fighting again and Virgil had somehow gotten pulled into their bickering. “That went well,” Logan summarized quietly to Janus, who was still staring distractedly at the space Patton usually occupied. “You were right unfortunately,” Logan paused, waiting for Janus to respond, only continuing when he realized no immediate retort was coming. “About them needing time to think about it?”

“Huh? Oh, yes,” Janus mumbled. Logan frowned; did it not go over as well as he thought? “You have all this handled, correct?” Janus gestured vaguely at the room, taking steps away.

“I suppose…?” Logan answered slowly. He started to say something else, but Janus had already disappeared.

Janus knocked on Patton’s door three times, the sound muffled by his gloves. From his bed, Patton flinched and instinctually squeezed the pillow in his lap tighter.

“B-be right there!” Patton called out, forcing his voice to sound cheerful. He inhaled a ragged breath and scrubbed at his face with dry hands. Please let it be Roman, please let it be Roman, please let i--

“H-hey Janus,” Patton greeted, swallowing his disappointment as he opened the door.

“Hello, dear,” Janus’ voice matched the serious tone he had used in his closing statement at the meeting just a few minutes ago, though the edges of it were softened. Patton thought his brow was creased and wondered what he was worrying about. “How are you?” He asked, and Patton had a hard time believing the question was genuine.

“Oh, I’m fine!” Patton said and Janus’ mouth watered. “Was just getting ready for bed,” he gestured behind him with a thumb and hoped that was enough to deter Janus from any kind of conversation. “S-so if you really don’t mind,” He continued, taking a half step back and starting to close the door slowly. “I sure am wiped from that meeting,” Patton forced a yawn.

“I know you’re lying,” Janus said pointedly, tone deliberate and unamused as he reached a hand to stop the door in its tracks.

Patton frowned, almost pouting as he stared at the floor. Janus’ eyes were too severe just then, and meeting them made his chest hurt. The silence dragged on as Patton found himself in an impossible situation; Janus knew he wasn’t okay, but that didn’t imply he was concerned enough to hear what was on his mind. Even if Janus did want to know, Patton wasn’t sure he could manage to sound coherent. To make matters worse, if all that weren’t true and he did get his feelings across to Janus, they felt silly and inconsequential in the face of Logan and Janus’ idea. They spoke so surely, so convincingly, and all Patton had was … feelings.

“Patton,” Janus said softly, letting his hand fall from the door, “How are you?” He asked again, sounding more insistent.

“I’m,” Patton started to repeat himself again but looked up to see Janus’ face. He wore such a distressed expression, Patton almost wanted to ask if he was okay. “I’m,” He began again, voice shaking as he clutched his shirt. “I’m scared,” Patton admitted in a whisper after a long pause.

Janus’ posture relaxed with a quiet sigh. He remained silent, knowing Patton well enough to predict that he would continue of his own accord now that the dam was open.

“I’m scared that I’m doing the wrong thing, but I’m … I’m not even sure what I’m doing. I’m scared that the others will hate me if I … If I,” Patton swallowed, “If I start letting you help again. B-but I’m also scared that,” His voice quickened, gaining speed like a rushing torrent of unstoppable water. “If I don’t let you help, I’ll just keep hurting Thomas. I’m scared that Virgil will lose himself again and leave us, I’m scared that Roman won’t be able to help Thomas if--if Remus is around, I’m terrified that Remus will hurt Thomas, and,” Patton inhaled a ragged breath. When he continued, his voice was a slow whisper again. “I’m scared of you, of--of not knowing how much selfishness is just right. I know you don’t want to hurt Thomas, I do, but …” He looked up with teary eyes finally, meeting Janus’ patient gaze. “But what if we get it wrong?”

“Then we’ll fix it and get it right together,” Janus replied instantly, like he knew exactly where Patton’s words were going to end up. “Like we always have,” He affirmed calmly, his tone and expression implying that, while this conclusion was obvious, Janus didn’t mind saying it as often Patton needed to hear it.

Patton gasped and the tears in his eyes fell. Hastily he reached up to brush them away with mumbled apologies. Janus rolled his eyes and muttered a sarcastically impatient, “Come here,” as he reached to hug Patton with both arms.

“Just because you’ve done it alone all this time doesn’t mean you should continue to, darling,” he said as Patton gripped the front of Janus’ shirt, letting himself be selfishly consoled, for just a second he told himself. “You can rely on me, that’s all I’ve been trying to say,” He chastised gently. “The others will get used to it again. Thomas isn’t giving them much of a choice on that one,” His tone gained a humored edge and Patton whined softly. Janus chuckled and gave him a final squeeze before gently pushing him away with hands on his upper arms. “As for everything else,” He continued as Patton sniffled, “We’ll figure it out,” Janus said nonchalantly, with a fond smile.

“Together?” Patton whispered, his voice cracking.

“Together.”

Chapter One || Chapter Two

#moceitappreciationweek #moceit appreciation week #moceit week 2021 #moceit #sanders sides

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starlocked01 · 3 years

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Let It Rise

Moceit Appreciation Week

Day 1- Baking

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30888335

Janus teaches Patton how to make bread.

Word count 1.9k

@moceit-appreciation-week

#moceit #moceit appreciation week #Moceit week 2021 #I forgot the tag oops #fluff #angst #angst and comfort #baking #tw food #janus sanders #patton sanders #I'm not writing for every single prompt but have this one :3

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imcrushedbyarainbowoffical · 3 years

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Name Day (Moceitappreciationweek Day 7)

A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30900401/chapters/76711823

Characters: Janus and Patton

Relationship: Platonic

Word Count: 456

Trigger Warnings: Swearing

Prompt: Anniversary

Summary: It’s the anniversary of Janus’s and Patton’s name reveal, but Janus isn’t sure about celebrating with Patton.

@moceit-appreciation-week @moceit

(Thank you all so much for reading my work this past week. It has been a privilege to participate in such a fun week! Love ya <3)

Janus sat curled against the couch's armrest, a blanket thrown over his body and a book resting on his legs. It was one of those quiet, boring days, where not much happened-

"Happy Name Day!" A sudden voice shouted

Janus's skin jumped off his bones and the book flew from his lap and onto the floor. Janus sighed and glared at the intruder, "Patton, what the hell?" he grumbled and picked his book off the floor, whipping it off and putting it on the coffee table, then promptly sitting upright to face the beaming dad side.

It was then Janus noticed the cake Patton was holding in his hands, with what appeared to be a childish drawing of himself and Patton holding hands, their names written above their heads and in large letters, the words "Happy Name Day." Janus flicked his eyes back up to Patton and raised an eyebrow. "What is this for exactly?

"Today's our name day silly! It's the day we both revealed our names," Patton said.

Ah right, today was the anniversary of his name reveal, oh boy. "Patton, are you sure you want to celebrate with me?"

Patton frowned, "Do you not want to celebrate?"

"No Patton, it's just..." Janus bit his lip, part of him did want to celebrate his name day but the other part of him, the more cynical side, said it was pointless, "After all the shit I put you through, I think it would be best not to celebrate with your once enemy....as it's a bit pointless, don’t you think?"

This time it was Patton's turn to raise an eyebrow as he set the cake down. "Janus, I know there's been a lot of discourse between us and all," he acknowledged, "But who says we can't celebrate? Who says we can't change or make a new beginning? Besides, I want to get to know you, Janus, not as the villain you appear to be, but as a loving protector of Thomas."

Janus blinked, his eyes trailing down to his gloves. He wanted to say no again, to hide under the blankets and hope Patton would go away, but something in Patton’s eyes made his mouth begin to move. "I suppose..." he swallowed, hesitantly scooting over so Patton could have a seat, "I could partake in some cake eating," he said.

"Yay!" Patton cheered and plopped onto the couch beside him, starting to slice the cake into several pieces. He handed one slice to Janus with a fork and took another piece for himself.

"Cheers?" Patton tilted his head and held his fork up to Janus.

"Cheers," Janus smiled and clinked his fork against Patton's. "Happy Name day Patton," he said.

"Happy Name Day, Janus," Patton replied.

#moceitappreciationweek #moceit week 2021 #ts moceit #patton sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides #ts sanders sides #tw swearing #sanders sides fanfiction #we've made it to day 7 #i'm so happy

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emepe13 · 3 years

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Moceit appreciation week

Day 2: Aftermath (Yeah I got stuck on day 2)

I have never regretted more not knowing how to draw properly. Every time I listen to that song by Mother mother I imagine Janus comforting Patton after SvsS Redux.

It’s the first time I have used this kind of style and I’m not used to drawing minicomics ^^;

Hope you like it!

@moceit-appreciation-week

#moceit appreciation week 2021 #platonic moceit #moceit #sanders sides #ts fanart #sanders sides fanart #janus sanders #ts janus #ts deceit fanart #ts patton #patton sanders fanart #patton sanders #patton angst #ts morality #sorry for making Patton suffer TT_TT #my art

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cj-can-art · 3 years

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Pancakes

Moceit Appreciation Week Day 1

Prompt: Baking

TW: food

Summary: Patton tries to make pancakes. Janus tries to help. It doesn’t go well.

Read on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Patton was not the best at baking. Or anything involving making food, for that matter. But it never stopped him from trying.

“Alright next up is two eggs…” Patton read from the cookbook. He took two eggs from the fridge and cracked them. Perfect! He turned back to the bowl where he was stirring the ingredie—wait. He looked back at the cookbook and groaned. He had cracked the egg on top of the recipe page. Not to mention the crushed eggshell that had snuck its way into the egg white. “Well, I can just slide it off…”

“Mornin’.” Virgil’s rough voice startled Patton, causing him to drop the half cup of milk he was carrying. It splashed up as it hit the floor, staining his khaki pants and blue fluffy socks. “Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry!” Virgil rushed over, frantic apologies pouring from his mouth as he grabbed the roll of paper towels on the kitchen counter.

“No, it’s okay, kiddo!” Patton reassured the anxious Side. “You didn’t mean to startle me.”

“Right, sorry,�� Virgil bit his lip as he crouched down with the paper towels to clean up the milk on the floor. “I should probably stop saying ‘sorry’ before it doesn’t sound like a word anymore.”

Patton laughed and went to pour another half cup of milk. He had just picked up the carton when an ear-splitting screech rang throughout the entire Mindscape. This caused him to drop the whole thing entirely, soaking the rest of his pants as well as Virgil’s face.

The Sides’ heads turned as a giggling Remus ran through the living room, diving behind the coffee table.

“GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE TRASH GREMLIN!” Roman’s annoyed voice could be heard before they saw him. When they did, it took all of Virgil’s will to not laugh. The prince was covered in honey and feathers. Okay, maybe he did laugh.

The two Sides in the kitchen watched as the twins chased each other in circles around the coffee table.

“You can’t catch meeeee!” Remus taunted.

“I WILL TURN YOU INTO A LIZARD.”

“That would be a pain in the ass!”

“YOU’RE A PAIN IN THE ASS!”

Patton giggled a little before turning back to Virgil. He gasped upon seeing the emo’s milk-covered hair and face.

“Oh! Sorry about the milk, Virge!” Now it was Patton’s turn to worry.

“You’re fine.” Virgil chuckled. “Guess we’re even.”

“I guess.” Patton shrugged playfully. “Hey, where’s Logan? Or Janus?”

“Logan’s working on Thomas’s schedule, and I don’t know about Deceit.” Virgil paused. “Why do you want to know?”

“Oh, no reason.” Patton laughed nervously. Virgil looked Patton up and down before slowly exhaling.

“Okay.” He tossed the soggy paper towels into the trash can. He pointed to the twins, who were still bickering and chasing each other around the coffee table. “I’m gonna get these two to the Imagination before they break anything. See ya later, Padre.”

“Bye, kiddo!” Patton waved as Virgil ran to the living room, tackling the twins and sinking out with them.

Finally. Some quiet. More time to prepare for today.

The quiet scene was then interrupted by a distressed Janus stumbling down the stairs. His hat was askew, his hair was untamed, and he hadn’t even bothered to take off his pajamas. Five of his arms hung at his sides, one arm propping himself against the railing.

Odd.

“Hey, Jan!” Patton waved. “You alright?”

“Yes.” Janus sighed, sarcasm in his voice. “I heard screaming, what happened?”

“Just the twins, but Virgil took care of it. Here, let me just…” Patton walked to the snake hybrid and straightened his hat. “There.”

“Thanks,” Janus smiled warmly. He glanced towards the disaster that was the kitchen. “What happened there?”

“Oh, nothing. Just making pancakes.”

Janus hummed. “No offense, but you’ve never made pancakes before, amica mea.”

“Well, I don’t know what that last part means, but it’s never too late to try new things!” Patton giggled. The human half of Janus’s face flushed a faint pink.

“Ah, well,” Janus began. “I suppose you’re right. Mind if I lend a hand?” Janus extended three of his arms. “Or six?”

Patton beamed, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “You made a dad joke!” He squealed, hands flapping at his sides.

Janus chuckled. “Yes, yes, go shout it to the masses, why don’t we.”

“Everything’s in the kitchen. I’ve already got a bit of a head start on you.” Patton smirked, walking back over to the counter. Janus followed, stopping over the cookbook.

“Patton, are you sure you’re doing this correctly?”

“Kinda.” Patton shrugged, opening the cupboard to get the flour.

“It says you need one tablespoon of sugar.” Janus said, glancing at the mixing bowl. “And you added almost two cups.”

“You can never have too much sugar!” Patton grinned.

“Well, yes, you actually can.”

Patton shrugged, grabbing the large bag of and lifting it out of the cupboard. He set it down on the edge of the counter, since the rest of it was taken up by other various ingredients. “How much does it call for again?”

“Two cups, although we should probably add more to balance out the sugar.” Janus guessed. “Probably more of everything else, if I’m being, ha, honest.”

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” Patton smiled nervously. He reached over to the sink to grab the cup measurement. His elbow bumped against the bag of flour, causing it to tip over dangerously.

“Patton, the flour!” Janus warned. Patton yelped, reaching out to grab it. Unfortunately, he forgot about the weight of the bag, and everything from then seemed to move in slow motion. As the bag landed in Patton’s arms, he fell forward due to the weight. He tried to lift the bag up to the counter before he hit the ground, but ended up using too much strength and sent the bag flying up into the air. Flour poured from the bag as it spun a few times, then landed back onto the ground with a thud and a final big puff of flour.

Patton stood up in shock, eyes wide. He took the flour-covered glasses off his face and wiped them with a dishrag. That, however, did not help as the dishrag was also covered in flour. He settled for using the inside of his sleeve, which did work.

Patton glanced over at Janus, and gasped. The Side was covered in flour. There was flour on his shoes, his cape, his scales, his hat, everywhere.

Janus’s lips twitched for a moment before his face broke into a smile. He covered his mouth with a gloved hand as the both of them started to giggle uncontrollably.

“This… this is…” Patton wheezed, “This is terrible!”

“I’m glad you didn’t ask me to do it.” Janus laughed. “I can’t cook to save my life!”

The two stood in the kitchen for the next five minutes clutching their sides and laughing like there was no tomorrow.

Janus managed to compose himself enough to form words coherently.

“Cereal for breakfast?” He asked, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah.” Patton nodded. “That sounds good.”

@moceit-appreciation-week

#moceit #moceit appreciation week 2021 #food #fic #fluff oneshot

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moceit-appreciation-week · 4 years

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Moceit Appreciation Week

April 25-May 1, 2021

Day 1: Baking

Day 2: Aftermath

Day 3: Date Night

Day 4: Animal

Day 5: Family

Day 6: Warmth

Day 7: Anniversary

Hello! Moceit Appreciation Week is approaching us! Here is the official prompt list to get you started! You can steal this image and use it with your submissions and/or to keep track of the days if you'd like. Can't wait to see what awesome creations y'all come up with!

#moceitappreciationweek #moceitweek2021 #sanders sides #moceit #patton sanders #janus sanders

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transfemlogan · 2 years

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Sanders Sides Events in 2022! Last updated: September 8th, 2022

2023 Event List

These are all the ship weeks and other events I know as of right now (including birthdays). If you are hosting something or know of a hosted event not included in this list, feel free to reblog with the addition or send me a DM or an ask!

There is also @edupunkn00b 's calendar, which doesn't work for me personally, but you can check it out if it works for you!

[Name] [dates] [@] [prompt list]

2022

Logince: january 23rd - 29th (@loginceweek2022) (prompts)

Analogical: april 3rd - 9th (@analogicalweek) (prompts)

Moceit: may 1st - 7th (@moceit-appreciation-week) (prompts)

Roceit: may 8th - 14th (@roceitweek) (prompts)

Prinxiety: june 5th - 11th (@prinxiety-week-2022) (prompts)

Loceit: june 27th - july 3rd (@loceitweek2022) (prompts)

Dukexiety: july 3rd - 9th (extra day: 10th) (@dukexietyweek) (prompts)

Royality: july 31st - august 6th (@royalityweek) (prompts)

Dukeceit: august 14th - 20th (@dukeceitweek) (prompts)

Anaroceit: august 29th - september 4th (@anaroceitweek) (prompts)

Anxceit: september 4th - 10th (@anxceit-week-2022) (prompts)

Intrulogical: october 3rd - 9th (@intrulogicalweek2021)

Pintroverts: october 10th - 14th (@pintrovertsweek2022)

Moxiety: december 18th - 24th (@moxiety-week) (prompts)

There is no intruality (@intrualityweek2021) week this year. There has not been a Logicality week ever! I cannot find any polyamorous ship weeks.

*this anxceit week is hosted by a different person than last years! Check out anxceit week 2021 here: @anxceitweek21

Other events:

Aro Sides Week: august 21st - 27th 2022 (@aro-sides-week) (prompts)

Sanders Sides Big Bang - Schedule and FAQ (@sandersidesbigbang)

Sanders Sides Big Bang - Schedule and FAQ (@ts-storytime)

Transgender Sides Week: september 11th - 17th 2022 (@transsidesweek) (prompts)

Birthdays/Anniversaries:

Sanders Sides Anniversary: October 19, 2016

Thomas Sanders' Birthday: April 24th

Patton Sanders' Birthday: January 15th

Janus Sanders' Birthday: February 3rd

Roman Sanders' Birthday: June 4th

Remus Sanders' Birthday: June 25th

Logan Sanders' Birthday: November 3rd

Virgil Sanders' Birthday: December 19th

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visceraah · 3 years

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Fic masterpost

Tumblr’s great at eating shit you wanna find, even if it’s tagged, so I figured I’d make one of these to pin! Andd for for fun, the ones with a * next to them are my favourites.

Heeeeeeere’s my AO3

Multichapters

Unsinkable- not even remotely historically accurate titanic AU I wrote for the big bang. Analogical, background moceit, Remus and Roman are there too!

... That’s a depressingly short list dsajhads. Should maaybe work on that.

One-shots

Intrulogical week 2020

Day 1- Hesitancy

*Day 2- Fuse

Day 3- Music

Day 4- Curiosity

Day 5- Kinky

Day 6- Teal

*Day 7- Free Day

Moceit week 2021

*Day 1- Baking

Day 3- Date night

... I got distracted mid week okay

Misc

The sound of music- nothing to do with the musical! Just my other gift for the gift exchange, Virgil vibing with all the other sides and bullying them. Affectionately.

#mads' writing #i swear ima keep this updated asjhadshjd #the warnings n stuff are all on the fic descs themselves when you press the link

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hedgeyart · 3 years

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Moceit Week Day 4- 💛 Animals 💙

@moceit-appreciation-week

#moceitappreciationweek #sanders sides #patton sanders #janus sanders #moceit week #moceit week day 4 #moceit week 2021 #my art

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vindicatedvirgil · 3 years

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moceit week 2021: day 3 / shy away

summary: patton and janus are on their first date, but everything seems to be going wrong.

ship: romantic moceit

other characters involved: n/a

word count: 438

warnings: brief food/alcohol mention, minor panic attack

this was written for moceit week 2021, for the day 3 prompt of “date night”

title inspired by the twenty one pilots song “shy away”

@moceit-appreciation-week @moceit @doublejoywilson

[first] [last] [next] [moceit week masterpost] [read on AO3]

[all writing masterlist]

---

“Gosh, I am so sorry Janus, I am such a klutz!” Patton was dabbing his napkin onto Janus’ shirt, where he had accidentally spilled some of his red wine. Janus smiled down at him, amused. “This wasn’t supposed to happen, I—”

“What wasn’t supposed to happen? I’ve been trying to get you to put your hands on me all throughout dinner, Patton. This worked,” Janus chuckled, and Patton’s face turned bright red. “It’s a black shirt, Patton, it’s just a dark spot, it’ll dry. I’m not concerned.”

“I’ll be right back,” Patton set the napkin down and ran to the restroom, leaving Janus alone at the table, eyebrows furrowed. Had he done something wrong? Should he not have said anything? This was their first official date, even though the pair had been chatting online for a few months. Janus was pretty sure he’d fallen for the kind man, harder and faster than he could have figured possible… but maybe Patton didn’t feel the same way. He got up and headed to the men’s restroom, glancing under to see Patton’s shoes in one of the stalls. And there was the sound of muffled crying.

“Patton… I-” Janus sighed, then leaned against the sink. “I’m sorry, I should have kept my thoughts to myself. If I upset you—”

“No, it’s fine,” Patton squeaked out, and Janus could hear the squeak of the toilet paper roll. “God, I’m such a mess. I wanted to be impressive for you, but I’m not at all.” Janus chewed on his lower lip, watching as Patton opened the stall door, face red and splotchy from the crying. Janus resisted the urge to scoop the other man into his arms.

“Patton, you… you don’t need to impress me. I’m already there. I-” he stopped, and ran a hand through his hair. He signed, “I don’t normally talk to one person for this long. I don’t- I don’t go on first dates. I see something absolutely wondrous in you, and… I feel a need to give this a try.” Patton twisted his fingers together, eyes down. “I’m sorry if that’s… a lot. I’m a lot. I don’t know how to-”

“I feel the same way,” Patton said softly, and Janus froze. The freckled man finally glanced up, letting their eyes meet. “I’ve been thinking about this day since we started talking, and I wanted it to be… perfect. So when I kept… messing up… I thought I’d ruined everything.” Janus pushed off of the sink, then held his hand out for Patton to take.

“Can I take you dancing now? I… I want to hold you close.”

---

if you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging my work! it helps writers and artists on tumblr spread their work.

go read my day 7 of moceit week, a sort-of sequel to this!!!

#amanda writes sanders sides fanfiction #moceitappreciationweek #moceit week 2021 #moceitweek2021 #moceit #ts moceit #romantic moceit #moceit fanfiction #ts patton #patton sanders #ts janus #janus sanders #sanders sides fanfiction

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timegirl · 3 years

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Cats Don't Have Nine Lives - Moceit Appreciation Week 2021

Characters: Patton, Janus

Relationship: Platonic or Romantic

Prompts: Aftermath (day 2), Animal (day 4)

Word Count: 2073

Trigger Warnings: This whole fic surrounds a death of a pet and the mourning of the owner. It is sad. Contains a light description of a declining medical condition of a pet. Please don't read if you're sensitive to these topics. Patton tries to blame himself. Food is mentioned briefly.

Summary: Patton suffers a loss and Janus comforts him.

@moceit-appreciation-week @moceit

This is not like my regular works. It is sad and depressing, and is based on my own life. More details on ao3. Please mind the warnings and the tags, stay safe.

---------------------------------

“Hey, Jan? I was just at the vet... it’s.... over....”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry... Are you going home now?”

sniffle “Yeah...”

“I’ll be right there.”

“Okay...”

Janus used the spare key he had to Patton’s apartment. “Patton, darling?” He called and closed the door behind him. He heard soft sobs greeting him from the living room. “Oh, baby...” He hurried to the living room and found his friend curled up on the sofa, clutching a small baby blue blanket to his chest. His face was puffed and red, and tears were streaming down his cheeks non stop.

“Patton, honey...” Janus clicked his tongue and quickly sat beside Patton, opening his arms for the other to snuggle in his embrace. The moment he was sat Patton clung to his torso and sobbed hard and loud, burying his face in Janus' chest and wetting his shirt with tears. Janus frowned, his brows furrowing in concern, and started rubbing slow circles on Patton back.

“I’m so sorry...” He whispered. “Shhhhhh.....” Janus started rocking gently back and forth, trying to sooth Patton’s ache.

They sat like that for a few minutes, holding each other. Janus took the opportunity to look around at the apartment. It was a really saddening look. Everywhere you looked there were cat themed objects. Never mind the cat stickers decorating the walls and the little kitty sculptures on the shelves, everything in this house screamed that there’s a feline resident in there.

A brown cat bed with a monkey plushie sitting in its corner.

Three carton boxes in different sizes were lined up opened against the wall.

A carton board on the floor beneath a blue bench that was much too small for a human. The board was covered in claw marks and teared a bit in the edges.

Toys were scattered everywhere on the floor. Mice, spikey balls, balls with little bells inside. There was one cat wand on the floor near the cat bed, a stick with a brown furry string and several colorful feathers tied to the end.

A blue cat tree was standing next to the sofa, a plaid blanket cushioned the lowest platform.

The armchair was covered in absurd amounts of cat fur, as if to say this was her spot, no one else's.

Janus lifted his gaze upwards. The walls weren't spared either. On two different walls there were blue cushioned shelves designed as stairs, going from the floor to a level above Janus' head as he stood in his full height, and Patton was shorter than him. On one step of the stairs sat a small tiger plushie.

As Patton's sobs slowly quieted down, the silence between the two was disturbed only by a small water fountain in the corner of the room, trickling steadily.

Patton didn’t want to let go of Janus. He felt like someone pulled the rug from under his feet, and Janus' firm hands were his only lifeline. He smelled nice, too, as much as Patton was able to smell with a stuffy nose from all the crying. Like the comfort and nostalgia of opening an old book with yellowing pages, with just a hint of cologne. He was warm, and it felt comforting to be held by him, like a comfort blanket. Patton was no longer crying, just inhaling Janus' scent softly to ground himself. Janus' fingers caressed the back of his head and Patton leaned into the touch.

Eventually Janus broke the silence.

"She's had a good life." He whispered into Patton's hair, and Patton felt the vibrations rumble in his chest.

Patton sighed heavily. "Yeah..." he mumbled. Sniffling once, he pulled himself away and wiped the remaining tears off his cheeks, the ones that weren't coating Janus' shirt. He looked down at the blanket he was holding.

"That's hers, right?" Janus asked.

"Yeah," said Patton, "I used it to get her into the cage, you know how she gets," he chuckled humorlessly. Janus gave him a sad smile. "She was also... wrapped in it when... when the vet... you know..."

"Yeah..." Janus rubbed his hand on Patton's arm comfortingly.

"You know, she's had a kidney failure two years ago, and the vet said that we're only prolonging the inevitable. Eventually it'll happen again and it'll be the end," Patton busied his hand with the hem of the blanket, "but I thought it'll be at least... five years, you know? Not two. Not that it wouldn't have been hard either way, but, still... It's just... so abrupt," he frowned, the tears threatening to overflow again.

"Well," Janus hesitated, "at least now you won't need the antihistamines anymore, right?" he tried for humor, and Patton's lips broke into a genuine smile and he laughed weakly through his nose.

"Right..." His smile slowly turned into a solemn expression and he sighed. "What if..." he bit his lower lip, "what if I could've stopped it?"

"Patton, no. It is not your fault."

"No, I know... The vet said it would've happened anyway... But what if I wasn't perceptive enough? Maybe if I'd noticed something's wrong sooner they could've saved her..." Tears began to accumulate in Patton's eyes.

"Sweetie, listen to me." Janus took both of Patton's hands in his and looked straight into his eyes. "It is not your fault. You were an amazing owner. You loved her so much and gave her everything she could've ever dreamed of."

"But I-"

"Shh shh shh, no buts," Janus used his thumb to gently wipe a stray tear off Patton's cheek, beneath his glasses. "I've known you since before you adopted her. I've seen how you took care of her with everything you have. Spending nights treating her when she was sick, doing everything in your power every day to make her take the medicine you knew she hated but made her feel better, staying awake late to pet her just because she didn't want to go to sleep and you couldn't bare to say no to her. Darling, trust me when I say, she was the luckiest cat in the world to have you as her owner."

Patton started sobbing again, furiously wiping his tears with his fingers, dirtying his wet glasses even more. Janus clicked his tongue. "Come here," he said as he pulled Patton to his embrace once again, placing a kiss on the crown of his head. "It's ok to grieve," he whispered, rocking them back and forth, "but don't beat yourself up about things out of your control." Patton sniffed, nodding weakly. Janus waited a bit before saying, "Let's bring you some water, ok honey?" Patton nodded again and pulled back. "I'll be right back." Janus said and petted Patton's cheek gently. He stood up and walked to the kitchen to get Patton a glass of water.

In the kitchen, Janus noticed a bowl of dry cat food in the corner. He debated getting rid of it and sparing Patton the pain, but decided against it. He'll ask Patton if he needs help with it, but he might want to do it himself to get some closure.

Janus returned to the living room with a glass of water in his hand. Patton looked up at him as he approached and small smile spread on his face. Janus' chest filled with warmth. He'll do anything for this man, he just wants him to be happy.

"Thank you," Patton said and reached his hand to grab the glass.

"You're welcome, honey," Janus replied as he took his place on the sofa.

They were silent for a moment as Patton drank. "You know," he said, lowering the glass to his lap and holding it with both hands. "I keep thinking about how naïve I was when I adopted her."

"Naïve? How so?"

"I thought it was funny, giving a cat a number as a name. You know, Nine, as in nine lives?" Janus looked at Patton, concern apparent on his forehead. Patton was looking down to his glass in his lap. "Of course there were other reasons too. It was September 2009 when I got her. The ninth month of the ninth year of the milenium. It was so fitting! Of course I couldn't give up the opportunity to give her a name that's a play on words!" Janus frowned and rubbed Patton's knee. "But cats don't really have nine lives, do they? Not even a cat named Nine..." He sighed.

Janus looked at him in silence. It was good that Patton was talking. Janus has spent years trying to make Patton to open up to him. He was always hiding behind jokes and a huge smile. He needed a safe platform to be able to unload everything weighing down on his chest. Janus was always happy to provide him that safe space, and the fact that Patton trusted him enough by now to open up to him was a bit overwhelming, in a good way. But it wasn't about Janus right now, it's about Patton and his pain. Janus knew Patton so well by now, that he didn't need to check to know that if he stayed silent, Patton would open up even more and unload more of his negative feelings, and Janus would be there for him when he does.

Surely enough, after a few moments of silence, Patton let out a breathy laugh, devoid of humor. "I keep thinking she's gonna come out from around the corner like everything's normal... You'd think dying is a one time thing. She died, that's it. It happened. Now we're after it. But it's not..." Patton emptied his glass and placed it on the table. "It's still happening. She didn't just die... She's dead. And she keeps being dead, all the time, over and over again. Every time I look to the hallway and expect her to walk out with her tail wiggling high, she's dead again. Every time I think of her... She's dead. Again. She's really... not coming back... She's staying dead." Patton played with the sleeve of the hoodie that was always tied around his shoulders. "Look at me," he chuckled, "I'm even wearing a cat hoodie. I'm pathetic..." He sighed.

"Patton honey," Janus wrapped his arms over Patton's shoulders and pulled him to rest against his chest, maneuvering himself to a more comfortable position, leaning back on the sofa. "You're not pathetic. Ok?" He stroked Patton's hair with his hand. "Those things take time. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it'll all be gone one day and you won't feel anything. That's never going to happen." Patton pouted in response. "But it won't be as painful. It won't be an open wound anymore. It will scar." Patton's eyes widened and he looked up to Janus, letting his eyes rest on the scar tissue on the man's left cheek. "A scar is... a reminder of what once was. It's unpleasant to look at, and it's scruffy to touch, and remembering what left the scar is... painful, to say the least." Patton's brows furrowed in a frown. Janus smiled warmly at him. "But it doesn't hurt by itself anymore. You can live your life and not even remember it's there most of the time. At first it hurts and itches and every move you make has to be calculated because the wound is bleeding and everything hurts. But with a scar you don't have to do that anymore. You're going to be ok." Patton sighed and rested his cheek on Janus' chest. "And you know, I thought about what you said." Patton raised his eyebrows and hummed in question. "You weren't naïve. You were being funny, and witty, and wonderful, like you always are." Patton's cheeks warmed in a blush. "I know it might take a while, but I can already see you in a few months with your two new kitties, Seven and Five." Patton giggled and Janus smiled, kissing his hair.

It wasn't perfect. In fact, it was extremely painful, and the grieving process has just begun. But maybe Janus was right. It had a nice ring to it, Seven and Five. Nine's little siblings. Of course, she'll never know them, but it's nice imagining how his first cat's name becomes a legacy in all of his future cats. Patton sighed. It's not going to be easy. But with Janus by his side, maybe, just maybe, he can do it. He will be ok.

#moceitappreciationweek #moceitweek2021 #janus sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides #moceit #fanfic #tw death of a pet #tw death of a loved one #tw grieving #tw food mention #tw self blame #mine

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