#most of us are doing this for free and the rest for very fucking cheap?

[roseate-rose]

also this is such a weird beef for me to soap box/vague about but like this is my blog & it’s past my bedtime who gives a fuck. Anyway very specific type of dude comes on here and complains about “scammers” but clearly means “online sex workers not interested in fucking me personally for free”. be fucking for real dude most of us are not here to find dates we are here to work and be hot & if you don’t want to pay that’s whatever but providing specific services and accepting or asking for compensation for them is not a scam it’s a JOB

oh wow she asked you for money? the online sex worker asked you for money and only wanted to interact online? she didn’t feel like meeting you, a complete stranger, in person, for free? wow how surprising. like grow the fuck up dude. what a fucking tragedy, someone asked you for money rather than graciously appreciating the GIFT that is your gaze on our whore titties.oh it poisoned the experience for you? that the person you jack off to is also a human with bills to pay? get fucking real

[ateez-himari]

[COACHELLA] PLUNGE DEEPER

....

Relentlessly craving, I want you  A slave to an unstoppable desire I’d walk into these flames, if it’s for you

MDNI; VERY Suggestive Content Ahead (Actually...just sexual)

Hidden in the small alleyway, two figures whose minds were ever so slightly clouded with cheap alcohol seemed completely oblivious to the world around them, their reputation vanishing from any passing thoughts for the first time in this intoxicating moment. The vocalist's frame was completely trapped under her boyfriend's much larger stature as he leaned a forearm on the wall likely belonging to a closed down bungalow, hands desperately clutching the fabric of his sleeveless shirt whilst his own free one found its way onto her lower back - venturing down to rest on her ass.

"How do you taste so good even with that disgusting drink on your tongue." Mingi growled, wasting not a second before kissing down her neck, lingering on her pulse point. "You really have no fucking idea what you do to me..."

"M-Min~" She whimpered, lightly clawing at his biceps. "Need you so bad...please stop teasing..."

Smirking against warm skin the rapper brought his muscular thigh between the desperate young woman's legs, guiding her hips to grind down onto it before muffling small moans with another searing kiss in which she gladly relinquishes all control to him. The occasional passerby did not seem to phase the lovers as they were likely much too intoxicated to care about yet another couple losing themselves in the heat of this festival, the music covering up the whimpers that could not be swallowed by the man's lips.

While the vocalist was utterly lost in the overwhelming pleasure made even more thrilling by their surroundings, the rapper caught strange movement in his peripheral vision and easily recognized the man that had been making poor attempts to seduce his girlfriend at the liquor kiosk. Parting their mouths to let the intoxicating moans slip out into the air, he tensed the muscles at the source of them before using the easy access her skirt provided to expertly slipped ringed fingers under the young woman's flimsy panties - making sure that she was marked as his.

"You don't need me to prep you right Angel ?" He asked in an almost soothing tone, grabbing her chin with his free hand. "I can feel you soaking my pants, you want this dick don't you~?"

Barely able to babble out enough words to form a coherent response, the sheer need behind deft fingers fumbling with his unnecessarily complicated belt was enough consent for Mingi, who watched with slight amusement as she finally managed to pull his boxers enough to let his painfully hard cock out. With a singular raise of his eyebrow along with a slight nod of his head he ordered his girlfriend to wrap her legs around his slim waist, pressing her further against the wall with yet another wet kiss as she mindlessly obeyed.

"Deep breaths~" He cooed, peppering small pecks along her jaw before lining himself up with her entrance. "Just hold on to me."

Ever so compliant to any word spoken by his husky voice, Himari wrapped arms hidden by oversized sleeved around her boyfriend's neck that she so diligently sucked hickeys into - drawing the most delicious moans from his throat that vibrated straight into her core. Filled with an ever so slim sense of control over the situation, her swollen glossed lips pulled into a sly feline grin while small canines graze over the skin covering his most sensitive spot, making his hips jerk forward slightly.

"Does that feel good Min — nngh!"

The maknae did not even have the time to finish the taunting remark before she felt herself being split open, a phonographic mewl ripping itself from her marked throat before the realization that they were in public set in once more. Her doll-like features were contorted in pleasure before she rapidly hid them in the crook of his neck as he eased the seemingly endless inches into her warm cunt, letting out an involuntarily stretched out groan when he finally bottomed out.

"M-Move..." She gasped, sharp nails digging into his back rippling with muscles hardened at the effort of holding her up. "Please...I need to feel all of you..."

"Good girl, look at you using your words~" He whispered in an almost mocking yet loving tone, setting a strong pace from thebeginning. "Taking me so well — mmh fuck"

Tears of pure ecstasy fell onto his exposed skin as she bit down on his shoulder to hide the moans falling like water, the cold rings digging into the flesh of her soft ass only added to the sensations crashing through her nerves. Mingi's sharp and calculated thrusts deliciously pressing against the spot that made her hips grind desperately against his drained any capacity of thought from her mind, all that filled her poor useless brain was him, his scent, his hands, his groans, his dick, nothing else existed aside from him.

"C-Cum..." She managed to blurt out, as if she had just learned a new word. "G-Gonna — mm-ngh — cum...can't...feels too good"

The rhythm of his hips drilling into his mindless girlfriend became frantic as he lost complete control over himself, guided only by the warmth and tightness of his girlfriend's cunt. He could feel his own orgasm only inches away, trying to debate whether she would be presence enough to decide on her own where she wanted him to cum and as he brushed her head back he could see just how lost she was; her eyes were glassy and half lidded, lips parted, saliva dripping from the corner of her mouth, cheeks flushed a deep red.

"Where do you want me, Angel ?" He asked softly. "Come on pretty girl, use your — fuck — words, need you to speak to me okay"

The soothing motion of her boyfriend's thumb against her sweat covered skin brought her back down to reality even if briefly and something along the lines of 'inside' reached his ears. One last thrust made the vocalist's eyes roll to the back of her head, the coil building inside of her finally snapping while she sobbed out weak whimpers lost in the music still pumping through large speakers.

Himari barely even registered the rapper carefully pulling out of her, fixing both of their clothes whilst waiting for her to come down from the intensity of that orgasm, whispering praises into her ear as he wiped her face. Finally, gentle giggles pulled her wet lips into a tired smile as she basked in the moment's ecstasy, caressing the man's white hair as he threw her body up ever so slightly to adjust his hold on it, carrying his precious princess through more remote parts of the venue.

"Did so well for me." He praised, accentuating the sentence with small pats to her skirt and cum covered ass. "Let's see if you can handle round 2~"

There’s nothing difficult, throw away yourself immediately Move, move, I’m gonna plunge deeper

So... @prbywoo this is my very first smut so I hope you like it 😭

[heartfullofleeches]

[tw: threats]

Midnight Caller Darling... - A reader fully aware and terrified of their stalkers. The yearning, unwanted presents and advances- the stares. They hate the stares most of all. Lingering glances burned into their skin, following them home and clinging to them no matter how hard they scrubbed and scratched them away. In their shower, their bedroom. Nowhere was safe from watching eyes. They were an infestation, a plague. Darling just wants them all to go away, but nobody will help them. Their calls had been ignored by police, ongoing cases thrown out and burned by detectives who swore their safety - all parties involved paid off with the deeper betrayal of passing their information off to the highest bidder.

They couldn't leave. This was their home, the town that raised them. Though its people had turned their backs on them they couldn't uproot their entire life so suddenly and who's to say their stalkers wouldn't chase after them once they fled - the very police who turned a blind eye writing their escape and subsequential disappearance as just another missing persons case.

They had enough. They were tired of being afraid in their own home. Tired of being afraid of going outside. They searched for something - anything to help them come to find everything they needed was written straight from the hands of their admirers and slipped under their front door.

Phone numbers. Once it was clear nobody would save them, their stalkers shed almost every inch of anonymity and became bolder in their demands and approach. They left numbers, places to meet. Pretty much everything except their real names.. Cowards. One night Reader realized they could have the same wall of mystery as their watchers and ventured out to the payphone down the street. It was dangerous to go out so late, but there were just so much racing through their head they had to do something to gain a moment's rest.

They dialed the first number, granted seconds to put everything in their brain to words as the phone rang. They begs so many nights to be free, it was time for a different approach. If they showed fear or even an ounce of weakness it'd mark them permanently as an easy target. They had to be the one that was feared, a force to be reckoned with. They need to be worse than their stalkers. Threaten them and make them fear every waking moment alive - just like them.

"I..... I have a knife... I have a knife and... I'll stab it through your fucking eye if I ever see you again."

Did they really just say that? The words flowed so naturally from their lips it felt as if they'd rehearsed them their whole life. It felt good. Freeing. Their body hadn't felt so light in ages. They felt in control. Powerful.

"I'll gouge them both out... then you'll never be able to stare at anyone else again. I'll be the last person ever see.. You'd like that - wouldn't you?... stupid bitch."

Its the most fun they've had in years - even before all this began. They never wanted to come down from this high. They were free. Finally free.

"Slut... Think showing a bit of skin will make everyone love you? You're worthless. Nothing more than a cheap fuck. If you ever talk to another person like you do now I'll cut out that pretty tongue and rearrange your guts in ways you aren't used to. We'll see who think you're oh so cute and innocent when I put your head in a trash bag."

"There've been so many times where I could kill you. So many times I could just wrapped my hands around your throat and just - squeezed til you finally shut your mouth for good. One of these days... one of these fucking days..."

"Hahaha, I'll kill you. You hear me, bitch?! I'll slit your fucking throat and fuck you til the warmth leaves your body. It's all you're good for anyway. You stupid whore. Disgusting pig. hahaha - HAHAHA."

In a way their calls work. There aren't as many eyes on them anymore - bashful and reserved by the depravity their darling has whispered to them in the dead of night. It's almost romantic most think. Being the outlet for every twisted thought and frustion their love has had to endure. Figures who once waited outside their door wait patiently each night for their midnight call unable to fall asleep without the verbal assaults and threats of the one they hold dearest to heart.

[ancha-aus]

Ghosts & Medium AU Drabble - Sleepover

I am back with this little AU of mine :3 Becuase I had an idea and I of course have no self control.

What is the focus? Killer and Cross getting to see Dust's and Ash's apartment.

*-----------------*

Dust continues to stare through the front window. He is tired. And Not just physically.

"Come on Dusty! I want to explore my new body and I could use an extra set of hands~"

"It ISN'T your body!! Don't you fucking dare!"

Dust is way beyond his social quota. He has been for the last three weeks. With the last week being especially tiring.

Having Killer tag along as a ghost had been bad.

Killer now having a body?

Dust is used to waking up with a ghost hovering near. Ash does that all the time to wake him up. Seeing Killer instead had been a shock to his system and Dust had tried to hit the ghost. Not very effective because well, ghost. Even if a poltergeist is more physical than most ghosts he was still a ghost.

Well! Having an actual person near and hovering over him?! Yeah. Much more nerve wrecking and is ruining his already fragile and destroyed sleeping cycle.

It doesn't help that Cross is around. Pouting and grumbling all the time. Reminding Killer of what to do with his bdoy and what not to. Pestering Dust to solve it.

Dust doesn't even know what ritual Cross used! Dust had gone to Cross because he hadn't been able to get Killer to leave him. Yet now his problem is doubled.

Ash had offered that maybe they can go home. Get some rest and read some of his books for answers. Dust had figured it was fine. He still had some money from the last job. He would ahve to make every penny count and maybe just eat cheap rice for a while but he can make the money stretch a little longer.

So they got into his van and started going to his apartment.

Dust had considered leaving Killer in Cross's body behind somewhere. He got so close to just doing that. With Killer being stuck in Cross's body it would mean he would be free of him.

But well. Cross and him are still kinda friends. Cross is pretty much Dust's only kinda friend... even if Cross just treats him as any other customer.

Also it feels like a waiting disaster to leave a mobile Killer unsupervised.

So there are going back to his place. Even if Dust much prefers no one knowing where he lives but what can you do.

Ash floats by his shoulder "You sure you don't want to stop for coffee? You have been driving for seven hours now." Ash shoots him a disapproving look.

Dust shrugs "too expensive." he can get soo much rich for the price of one overpriced coffee.

God he misses coffee. Sadly it was one of the first things he stops buying once he gets into the lower amounts of money, same for cigarrettes. Which, with business being slow. He had been low on cash for the last seven months.

There is a reason he tried so hard with Killer's whole haunting thing. It had been the first job after anohter four months of no work or jobs. He needed the cash.

Not that it matters now. He got so many more problems now. At least Cross still has his own savings to keep his body alive while Killer inhibits it.

Dust remembers he should answer Ash "I am almost there." just two more hours. Maybe one and a half if he speeds a bit. That is one of the nice parts about having a ghost with you the whole time. Ash being near causes some electrics to shortcut.

Speedcameras count within those for some reason.

Works great for him.

Killer whines loudly "Dusty! Pay attention to me!"

"Don't distract him from driving Killer! YOu are going to get us killed!"

Killer gasps "OMG!"

Ash looks unimpressed "Did you just seriously say omg out loud? as just letters? as an actual reaction? In an actual conversation? seriously?"

Killer wiggles excited from side to side "We could be ghosts together! Haunt stuff together and-"

Ash rushes Killer and Killer yelps as Ash no doubt uses his own limited ghost ability power stuff to harm him now he is physical "If you ever even entertain the idea of my brother dying ever again I am killing you in this new host body myself. Am. I. understood?"

Cross looks panicked "Wait no! that is my body!"

Ash huffs "I am aware. But I am not risking Dust. Not for anything or anyone."

Killer pouts "Geez calm down. it was just an idea." he mutters unhappily "we wouldn't even be sure if it would work."

Dust just ignores the ghosts arguing. It is still a long drive.

Fuck he would kill for either a coffee or a cigarrette right about now. He would commit a war crime if he could get both.

--

It is late. Very late. But they are finally here!

Dust parks the van in an empty spot and grabs his bag as he walks towards the front door. He opens it with his key and has to hit it a few times before the door into the building opens.

Dust just nods to the door as he looks at Killer "Inside."

Killer has a hand on his, well cross's chest as he looks down at him. Damn Cross for being tall. "Oh? inviting me back home already? After just one date? I am scandalised and very interested." and he walks inside.

Ash makes a gaging sound and Dust rolls his eye lights before following after Killer. Once inside he pulls the door until it gets back stuck again and he locks it again. The doorhandle it broken so you need to force it in and out of place before keeping it shut with the lock itself.

Dust walks past the elevator that Killer is waiting by "don't use the elevator. it gets stuck and has the habit of dropping a few floors." and he walks towards the stairs. Fuck he hates the stairs.

Still he climbs the floors and eventually finally gets to floor eight and walks down the hallway. Door after door after door. There is his spot. 808.

He pulls out his key and tries it. Ugh. It is stuck again. He bonks his skull against the door "Ash?"

Ash floats through the door "on it."

a moment later he feels the key turn and he steps back as Ash forces the door open. He removes the key "Thanks." and he leads the other two inside as Ash closes the door and locks it again.

Dust stands in his room and ignores the very damning silence "Home sweet home." he throws the bag on the couch as he walks over to the window and opens it. Having to put the small wood board between some parts to keep it open.

Killer looks around the place as Cross looks a lot more alarmed "You live here?!"

Dust shrugs as he walks to his couch where he leavs a blanket and pillow "Euh. I live in my van. I only come here once in a while." Thinking that. He will probably need to get food. He never leaves food behind in his place. Makes the rats visit.

Cross looks so worried as he floats nearby "You enver said this was your place!"

Dust shrugs "It is fine."

Sure the enterance and living room and kitchen is one room... with the door hitting the couch... and the kitchen being one small fridge a counter and a electric little stove thing. and the place he eats is just one table with one chair. But it is a place! It has electricity kinda reliable and the water is mostly clean.

Dust blinks and shrugs "Rent is cheap." also the landlord does not pay attention to who pays and who doens't. Which is the only reason Dust still has this place and why he doesn't complain about everything being broken.

Dust looks at Killer and points at the couch "You can sleep here. That was Cross's body gets some rest. I will be in my room." and he turns and goes towards his own bedroom, after picking up his bag of course.

His room may have been an exaggeration. It is just his mattress on the floor with two different blankets and an old pillow. the room just barely fits the mattress and the small set of drawers for his clothes. He searches through it and finds a shirt some sweats and a beanie. This will have to do to sleep in.

He undressed and redresses. He will do all the stuff to clean up and stuff tomorrow. First sleep. It is like 4 am and he had been driving since they left Cross's chapel. at like 6ish... Dust thinks... maybe earlier?

It doesn't matter. Dust lets himself fall on his mattress and rolls up. Muttering a good night to Ash and getting one in return.

--

Someone is muttering stuff near him. Ugh. Can't he just sleep for a bit longer? He is tired.

He grumbles as he tries to curl more into his blanket but he is stuck. weird. did he get tangled with his blanket again? Would explain why it is so warm and... why... something... is moving...

Dust manages to open his sockets and freezes.

Cross, well Killer, is in bed with him. Killer pouts "You woke him-"

Dust just punched him in the face nad Killer rolls off the bed. Releasing him in the process. Dust glares at him "Why the fuck are you in my room." he rubs his sockets. no longer sleepy at all. what the actual fuck?!

Killer rubs his, well Cross's face "I wanted to get up close and comfortable. but then i realised that sleeping with you as very comfy. so i slept in your bed wiht you instead of the couch."

Dust looks around and spots Ash looking pissed. and Cross hiding his face nad looking beyond embarrassed "I am so sorry! I didn't know what to do and i thought he was asleep so i went to explore the building and when i came back he was well here and I couldn't convince him to leave as he was aslready asleep himself and well..."

Dust looks at Ash and Cross "wake me?!"

Ash grumbles unhappily "You need your sleep."

Cross sighs "also nothing we did could wake killer and it isn't like he listens."

...

What even is his life?

Okay. Fine.

Dust gets up and kicks Killer and he yelps. Dust just kicks him again "Out. I need to get dressed."

Killer grins and winks "I can assist-" Dust kicks him again. Killer pouts "okay fine fine fine!" and he leaves.

Dust gets dressed quickly and goes towards the living room. Time to look into some new options to get this situation wiht Killer and Cross sorted out.

First he needs to switch their places to get Cross his body back. And then a ritual to get Killer to leave him alone.

That is easy. That is just two rituals.

Dust grabs the first book and starts looking through the rituals.

There has to be something that can work... He could also try and summon something that can make the changes if he really needs to.

[rivetgoth]

do you have any not so great club nights you wouldn't mind to share? i'm referencing the nowhere post you did

This is such an auspicious ask because I was literally JUST earlier thinking about reblogging that post and sharing one specific story, this gives me an even better avenue to do so :)

One of the most hilariously bad club nights of my life—maybe even the all time worst?—was this night that we went to years back that was the first time I ever did molly lol. It was a newer night and Angel and I had gone once before to feel out the vibe and it had been pretty fun at the time so we thought it would be fun to get a group of friends to all go to the next one. The theme was gonna be medical kink which alllll of us were into so we were really hype. I had the cutest outfit put together for it; since I’m a puppy I wore my pup gear but I bought a doggy cone online to wear with my gear like I had just gotten surgery, it was really really cute. I’d never done MDMA but at that point basically everyone I knew had and had reported having a great time and so I thought it would be a fun environment to do it.

But dude it was SO bad. From beginning to end. Angel and I bought our tickets in advance but our friends didn’t and we didn’t realize it was FIFTY DOLLARS at the door to get in. For reference the majority of events here range from free to like. $15 max unless there’s also a show or something (there was not). Nobody was there. When we went the first time the VIP tables were packed but this time they were literally completely empty. Music was not lit. Staff was really weirdly rude; I have NEVER been to a club prior to or after that where I felt like I’d be in trouble for being on drugs there lmao. Cheap liquor+mixer drinks were $25 and my friend got fucked over and they accidentally charged her like $60 for a single drink and then told her they couldn’t manually refund her and she’d have to dispute with the bank later. Worst part is that our friends ON ME AND ANGEL’S RECOMMENDATION had invited a group of THEIR friends who had NEVER BEEN TO A GOTH NIGHT BEFORE 😭

Then that same night I found out that molly really, really doesn’t agree with me 🥴 I’ve tried it in better environments and can confidently report this was actually unrelated to the bad vibes of the club itself; it would’ve happened no matter what. It turns out MDMA has the opposite effect on me that it has for others and when I take it everything gets sluggish and slow and I get really introverted and don’t want to be around people, and since I’ve never done this substance before I start freaking out thinking I’m like dying, I’m like in the bathroom with Angel and she’s trying to reassure me I’m fine while I’m there having a panic attack half naked in my puppy gear and cone and this group of people we don’t even know who paid $50 to get in are getting their first ever impression of a goth night this way LMFAO. Angel and I ended up leaving before midnight that night!! That’s how bad it was. We just drove home and spent the rest of the night laying in bed listening to music while I waited for the high to end. It was so terrible in the goofiest way possible. A friend says her most vivid memory of that night was just seeing me in the corner in my cone with my pupils blown out looking like I’m going crazy.

The reality is like, when you go out often you are bound to have bad club nights. And “bad” is very broad here. That might mean the vibe itself is dangerous or weird, it might mean it’s just not very fun, you get into an argument, something out of your control goes wrong… I’ve had club nights where I’ve ended up crying on the smoking patio, where the plumbing system in the building broke down and they had to kick everyone out in the middle of the night with no warning, nights where the vibes were just super off and we left ASAP because it didn’t feel safe, nights where the music is just really not good, where the wrong people show up, where I’ve gotten a migraine out of nowhere… it just comes with putting yourself out there into the world and embracing the multitude of possibilities that comes with being in the nightlife. For every weird / unpleasant night there’s going to be completely transcendent euphoric nights that remind you of what the whole point of being alive is. And best of all, even the bad nights often become funny or memorable or even sweet and nostalgic stories. The night I cried on the smoking patio I remember it was early January and freezing and a stranger let me borrow his jacket. “You look like you need it more than me but you have to promise to give it back.”

[hash-driveway]

Down With Me (Chapter Two)

Also on AO3!

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Just when Roxie had felt acclimated to Sunnyvale’s events, she had to get used to what Ricky, Bubbles, and Julian got up to when they were together.  Ricky grew weed out of his car, in which he also lived.  He also parked it in Lucy’s driveway, which she failed to mention to Roxie.  Roxie had noticed how little Lucy spoke of Ricky while he was away, always wondering why.  Now that Ricky was back in the trailer park, things seemed to make a bit more sense. Roxie was happy to finally have a weed dealer again since she moved, and she appreciated the fact that he offered her a fair price. 

Bubbles lived in his shed like before, but he was out and about a lot more.  He would accompany Julian and Ricky on their jobs around town.  At first, Roxie had the impression that they were actual handymen, and they got locked up for something innocuous.  As it turned out, Julian was the one who orchestrated most of their jobs, which usually involved stealing or conning their way into some money.  She didn’t know what exactly they were in jail for most recently, but she didn’t really care to find out by asking.  

Julian was a fairly quiet guy.  He kept to himself most of the time, but was friendly with everyone in the park.  When Roxie went on her runs, sometimes he’d be getting his mail or taking the garbage out.  She’d try to stop and say hi to him, partially to have an excuse to be near him.  After a while, he would be outside nearly every time she was.  There was something about Julian that made her want to be friendly, to come out of her shell.  It freaked her out a little.

Through their conversations, Roxie came to realize that Julian was sort of a protector of their community, which was something that she certainly wasn’t used to.  Living in the city meant fending for yourself, making sure that nobody was following you home or trying to pick your pockets. In Sunnyvale, it was different.  Amidst the chaos of the bottle kids and Lahey’s debauchery, this little trailer park was the most tightly-knit neighborhood that she’d been in a while.  

On this particular morning, she decided that she would take a rest day– stay in bed a few minutes after her alarm went off, be slow to rise.  Still dressed in her pajamas, a tank and sweatpants, Roxie dragged herself out of bed and stepped into her slippers.  She brushed her teeth in the bathroom, and headed to the kitchen.  As she began brewing her coffee, there was a knock at her door.  

Furrowing her brow, she opened her door to see Julian standing outside it, taking up most of the door frame. 

“Is everything alright?” He asked, blue eyes boring into hers with concern. 

Confused, Roxie cocked her head to the side, “Yeah? Are you okay?” 

There was a pause.  Julian seemed to be thinking to himself before looking a little embarrassed, “Sorry.  It’s just that you’re usually out by now.  Thought you were sick or something.” He trailed off a bit. Julian’s apparent concern for Roxie amused her.  He raised his free hand and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“You didn’t wait around for me, did you?” 

“No, I just… fuck.” Yeah, Julian was definitely embarrassed. Roxie was a bit flattered.  It felt nice to know that he thought of her, that she was a part of his routine just as much as he was a part of hers.

“I was just about to make breakfast,” she said, giving him a warm smile, “Do you want to come in?” 

Julian took a sip of his drink and smiled, “Fuck yeah.” 

She stepped aside and welcomed him into her trailer.  Julian practically had to duck to get through her door.  Once inside, she made them some scrambled eggs.  

“I’m sorry, I don’t have much else right now.   I’m never very glamorous when I cook for myself.” 

Julian shook his head, “No problem. Thanks, Roxie.” 

Silence fell for a moment as the two of them began to eat together.  They both sat next to each other on her cheap bar stools at the other side of the counter.  

“How are you liking living here?” 

“Oh, I love it.” She sighed, “So much more peaceful than my old place.  I used to live in the city, and to be honest, I hated it.  So much commotion.  And the neighbors sucked.  Didn’t know how to have a good time.  Sunnyvale kind of reminds me of where I grew up, so it was nice to be able to be in a place that was familiar.”

“If we know how to do anything here, we know how to party,” Julian responded, “What brought you here?” 

She thought for a moment, glancing at her feet as she considered lying to Julian about the real reason why she was in Sunnyvale. Julian leaned his arm against the counter, drink in hand, waiting patiently for a response. 

“I, um, left a really, really bad relationship.” 

Julian didn’t say anything.  He just nodded, listening. 

“He made more money than me, held it over my head constantly,” she tried her best to sound like the memories of her ex throwing a vase at her head didn’t haunt her on a daily basis, “Anyway, I found out he cheated on me with my best friend.  He freaked out, threatened to kill himself, then threatened to kill me, so I just… skipped town. I needed a fresh start, you know?” 

When Roxie looked back at Julian, his demeanor had changed.  He was now leaned in a bit closer to her, brows furrowed, a concerned expression on his face.

“Sorry, I dumped all of that on you.  Pretty intense, I know.” 

“No, Roxie, no,” he reassured her, “He sounds like a fucking dick. You changed your phone number, right?” 

“Of course,” she said, suddenly overwhelmed by his response.  She rarely expected people to believe how awful her relationship was without all of the gruesome, traumatic details. It stirred a feeling deep inside of her that left her feeling confused.  

“Good,” Julian sighed, leaning back a bit, “Dicks like that are trouble.  If he ever comes around, let me know.” 

That feeling turned into warmth in her chest.  She choked back a lump in her throat, which perplexed her further.  He believed her? Just like that?  He wanted to protect her? No, there had to be a different reason.  People didn’t just…care about her. 

“I will,” was all that she could utter before a loud banging at her door made her jump out of her skin. 

“ROXIE! HAVE YOU SEEN JULIAN?” 

Julian shook his head and walked over to the door, opening it and immediately berating Ricky for being so aggressive.

“Rick, calm down.  What’s wrong?” 

“Lahey and Randy are fuckin’ with my dope plants, they keep telling me that I need to stop selling on the promperty, which is bullshit because how else am I gonna make a living for my family? And they keep bitching about how I haven’t paid my lot fees. This shit’s so fucked, Julian.” 

Julian sighed and told Ricky to go back outside, and that he’d figure it out in a second.  He quickly took their plates to the sink.  He regarded Roxie before leaving, his palm resting on her shoulder. 

“You ever need anything, don’t be afraid to ask.” 

She nodded and gave him a grateful smile, finding herself unable to speak at the feeling of his hand on her skin and the softness of his stare. 

After Julian said goodbye, Roxanne was left to sit in the silence of her trailer.  She tried to process the sudden mix of emotions that engulfed her as she cleaned up her kitchen.  

[nothing0fnothing]

Hey! So I have some lived experience in being poor and mentally ill I had to learn the hard way in my adulthood after growing up with abusive neglectful narcissistic parents. Maybe it will help someone else.

1. Instant pot. Crock pot. Rice cooker. You only need one, but all 3 are versatile, can use very little electricity to run, and are perfect to dump ingredients into and come back later to a healthy, cooked dinner.

You can research which is best for you by looking up "crock pot recipes" "rice cooker meals" to get a feel for what types of meals you can prepare in each and how it's purposes can best fit your cooking style.

2. Get your electronics secondhand. Phone companies make so much off of poor people bc they contract us into pay plans that mean that by the time our phones are needing replacing, we've paid for it 2 or more times over. Consider going Sim only and getting your phone secondhand.

Websites like backmarket and envirophone sell refurbished phones, tablets, laptops, smart watches, TVs, consoles, headphones, all sorts like new and for a fraction of the price point you'd usually get them at. I've not bought an electronic new since 2015 and the products I get refurbished last just as long as if I'd bought them new. Plus it's better for the environment. Even if I had money I don't think I'd go back to buying new honestly.

3. Static charger. If you're Autistic and can't sit still, like me you might be finding that the first thing to go on your electronics is your charge port. It's really annoying because it's not a cheap fix and I have had to replace phones early when they won't charge any more.

Last year my girlfriend and I got static chargers. It's an adapter that sits in your phone/tablets charger slot that magnetically connects to a universal charger. Its great for us because now everything rechargeable (phones/tablets, but also headphones, game controllers, keyboards/mouses) takes the same cable. It's really handy, but for me the best part is that the adapter doesn't move. So even if I'm fidgeting with my phone on charge it won't wear down the charger pins over time. We paid £20 for 3 and it's paid for itself because I've not had to take my phone for it's yearly fix since I got it.

4. Make a cozy space outside of bed. As a bedrotting girlie I know the allure of just saying "fuck it" and curling up in bed is so strong. I also know that when I do it for days at a time my sleep quality gets worse, my days blur together and my mental health gets so much worse. Especially if I'm working, watching TV, eating all my meals and doing my hobbies all from my bed.

One thing that helps me break up the bedrotting and at least helps me get some decent sleep so I might wake up feeling better tomorrow, is having a cozy spot that isn't in bed I can spend at least some of my day in.

For me, it's the couch in my living room. I've furnished it with pillows, blankets, and a little coffee table I can rest my stuff on so I can feel as comfy as I do in bed, but not actually be in bed most of the day. For You it could be a book nook, or a floor bed, or a desk with a chair in your bedroom.

5. Giant water bottle. This one is really simple. We need 8 glasses of water a day to be healthy and hydrated. Basically nobody depressed has the energy to fill up a glass of water 8 times a day. If you can get a water bottle that holds 2 litres (65oz) of water, now you only need to fill one drinking vessel once a day to be healthy and hydrated.

It's really simple and sill but it honestly saved my life. I buy those drink flavor packets because I drink more when it tastes nice. Is it as healthy as plain water? No. Is it healthier than no water? Yes. Easy peasy.

My bottle is from Meoky, its the 64oz stainless steel camping bottle with a flip straw I got for under £20. I like it because it keeps my water cold and I'd rather walk on hot coals than take a sip without a straw, but I've bought same size BPA free plastic bottles for like £3 and they have lasted me 2-3 years too so the budget options are absolutely worth it too.

6. Reconsider what's worth getting second hand. Generally when thinking about buying secondhand we mean clothes at the thrift, and that's great, but buying pre loved can be anything, and you can buy some high ticket items at an affordable price point that way.

If I ever want an appliance I always look second hand first. My rice cooker is secondhand and it is my favourite appliance. I've also bought a popcorn maker for a fraction of the price I'd buy it new, and I'm looking for a Kitchen Aid mixer for no more than a third the price they usually sell at. My vanity houses my shark air styler, I got it refurbished second hand and it was like new when I bought it. I use it every day and it still has so much wear in it.

Generally, the bigger and heavier something is, the closer to free you can get it, because the people getting rid of it just want it gone. If you ever need a washing machine or some furniture, look on gumtree or local no buy groups first. Type "free ___" followed by where you live into Google to get an idea whats available. If you're furnishing a space it's very likely you can get everything you need for the cost of the van you hired to collect it all.

7. Frozen vegetables. Fresh produce is getting more expensive and because we neurodivergent and mentally ill people can have a habit of letting fresh produce rot in the fridge, wasting money and making more mess to clean up, it's usually not worth it. The thing is, frozen produce is cheaper because it is picked in season, healther because it is frozen at optimum ripeness, and can be safely stored in your freezer for months, it's so worth doing.

They're usually pre-cut and can generally just be chucked into your dish frozen to defrost while cooking, making them easy and accessible. You can buy mixed vegetable packs (in the UK the most common is sweetcorn/peas/carrots and broccoli/cauliflower/) for some variety too, which I like to just dump a portion into soups or broths for some added vitamins.

8. Medication delivery. I've been medicated for mental illness for years, and a regular problem I used to have was I would neglect going to pick up my meds because I was depressed, then I'd run out and be unable to collect them because the lack of meds was making me more depressed.

Now however, I'm signed up with an online pharmacy. They processes my prescriptions exactly the same way any other pharmacy would and dispense them through the post in a box that fits through my letterbox. I never have to leave the house for meds again which is actually a lifesaver, the shipping is super cheap, like free for 3 day delivery and £2.99 for next day, and it's all processed through a super simple app that I only have to use like one a month when I request my refill.

It's so worth it and if you struggle to get out like me I absolutely recommend it. In the UK it's called Lloyd's Direct Pharmacy, but I'm sure it's a service you can find in other places of the world too.

9. Laundry separation is a lie. Which isn't a big deal for people who don't care about throwing money away on extra loads or people who have the spoons to faff around separating their clothes arbitrarily, but for poor neurodivergent people, it is.

So here's the thing, the rules of separating laundry by colour came about when clothes were made of all natural materials that would stick to each other when agitated and natural dyes that would run in water. Nowadays, clothes are made of synthetic or blended materials that can handle the friction of a modern machine and synthetic dyes that hold up to basically anything. 99% of clothes on the market, and therefore probably 99% of your wardrobe, is polycotton or some other poly-blend. So generally, everything you have can just all go in together on a warm wash.

Now, if you have woolen, linen or cashmere pieces, you should be separating them and following the care instructions on the label, but everything else, just shove it in mate, nothing bad will happen.

10. Protein powder. Protein powder is cheap, it's stored dry to it basically never goes bad, it's obviously protein so it's a really good addition to your diet, it tastes of whatever flavour you buy it in so it's a good meal substitute if you're depressed and your appetite is low, and it comes together really easily.

I usually get it in big tubs because they're cheaper per gram that way and I just add them to my coffee/hot chocolate for a boost or stir it into some Greek yogurt for a quick healthy snack. Thats actually my favourite way to get protein in because it's like 2 minutes and it covers up that sour taste yogurt has. I've also stirred it into milk for my cereal to varying success but it's good because the fat in the milk and the carbs and fortified vitamins in the cereal make it basically a meal. If I'm struggling for breakfast I usually add a scoop or two to an instant porridge pot and I have a ready to eat nutritional meal ready in the time it takes to boil the kettle.

[gwydionmisha]

Personal: I may be losing Internet Access soon

If it isn't one thing, it's another.

I am getting an error on reboot that wants me to scan the laptop. The computer complete freezes at the hardrive immanent failure message. I've no clue how to get it fixed or even checked as all the places I know that used to do it died long ago. I can reboot and go the skip scan route, but it doesn't make immanent failure of my hard drive disappear just because I'm not looking at it.

Klaus laptop's been a bit buggy the last couple of weeks, so I've been quietly backing up a few things just in case.

I was given an ancient chromebook when Aidan laptop died, but I haven't been able to boot it up in a couple of months. I can try tinkering a little in case it's sometthing obvious, but it was super limitted and can't handle even a fraction of what I do in a night.

Most of the money I was gifted at the turning of the year is spent on glasses. (Medicare buys frames, but not things like bifocals, scratch resistance and ultra lights, which I need. They literally do not make my perscription without ultra-lights and bifocals are essential at this point.) I will not rehash the December emergancy eye saga, but I needed the glasses and they are already ordered and half paid for. The rest is earmarked for things like the car tax, insurance auto-withdraw, bills. i have a little wiggle room but not much.

I have been promised housing tax money for next month. It will take most of what is coming. I would have to spend all of that and then some for a replacement lap top that could do the job. I really need something in Aidan laptop's class or better. Poor Klaus from the same company, but is smaller with less memory and older than aidan was. He's been limping along since Tavy broke Aiden.

I don't see a solution other than continueing on until complete failure unless someone can suggest a solution to hard drive failure. I likely won't even be able to borrow Squirrel's computer as I did more than half a decade ago when… Was it Charles lap top or Rupert laptop that failed? Squirrel used to work nights, so I could use their computer in a limitted way in their absense. They now work a lot less, days only. I'd only have little bits and pieces of time when they were out.

If I disapear nearly completely, this will be why.

News aggregation will likely come to a hault or near hault depending on available time as it did during the last outage. Tumblr has a bunch of preprogrammed things, and likely I can do some of that in a more limitted fashion as happened last time. It may literally take a few days after I get knocked off for me to have enough access to tell you I'm mostly gone.

I'm sorry in advance.

You've all been superheroes supporting and literally rescuing me through all the emergancies of the last few years as more and more appliances die and i keep getting suprise body blows like the housing threat that happened this Autumn.

You all mean so much to me and it really does matter a lot how many of you play with my silly polls and find my news stuff useful.

If I do lose most of my internet access, I will miss you.

I'll see if I can msnage some sort of bill juggling to make it work somehow.

If you have a line on a free or cheap decent second hand lap top, let me know.

Update about two hours after I wrote this (I was going to post later, but oh well): Functionality is markedly declining very rapidly. I'm going to have to try to bill juggle. Again. Fuck. The last time this happened things went downhill fast once the box hit this point.

[theworldvsyoshiko]

So, the current state of affairs...

The settlement's in pretty much its final shape. A few of the original buildings are still hanging around, but they're almost solely used for utility.

All the living area stuff is clustered around the rec hall. Everyone's got their very own Extremely Impressive bedroom, except the Thavon/Josefin/Payne polycule, who still share one. Still in the process of making rugs for all of them. Toward the right is the new hospital, and past that, the new guest rooms. There are now six paid guest rooms of roughly the same quality as the ones the actual members have, and the old rec room has been converted to free/cheap shared guest rooms. 18 guest beds, 8 hospital beds, and 4 prisoner beds, and at times most of those are full.

There's also a kill pacification-of-new-friends box to the south, since everything's walled in now. Apart from the spotlight, those are all tranq turrets off to the right. The lack of traps + lack of battle animals or mechs + use of nonlethal weapons means that fights are still pretty dicey in here, even with the raid difficulty set at like 50%.

Out of the 22 factions on the planet, 5 are allies, 5 more are neutral, and the rest are hostile. Not bad progress. Unfortunately, one of the factions...

... is perma-hostile, and can't be reasoned with. Nothing I've been able to do by fucking around in dev mode or anything can change this, so I think that probably Bandits don't have a generator for non-hostile pawns. Some other groups are like that, and thus can never be non-hostile. I thought I'd disabled them all at the game start, but guess I missed one.

So the Dancing Flock is gonna bring peace to the planet apart from these very stubborn bandits.

Aelanna "Anna" Cessara

Still not much to say about her. Anna spends all day cooking, gardening, and doctoring. Anna and Josefin have been close friends pretty much the entire time, and if it weren't for the penalties for non-human anatomy, they'd definitely be banging by now. Josefin is literally her only friend.

Josefin Xiontara

Just look at her. With 18 Shooting, an archotech arm, and the Askbarn bonuses, she's great in a shootout on the rare occasion that she gets to use an actual weapon. As it is she just makes masterwork furniture all day. You'd think that with double passion for Crafting she'd be great at it by now, but this group's needed so much construction that it's just about a full-time job.

Josefin actually gets along really well with almost everyone. She doesn't even hold a grudge against Saio for her still-broken nose. However, there's one exception: Sonia. That sassy little brat can't get enough of insulting her.

Erika Belsaas

She's now the group's Scalpelizer, their official super-doctor, so she's pretty much running the hospital. That, research, and getting high accounts for pretty much her entire day.

Similarly to Josefin, Erika likes everyone. Unlike Josefin, almost nobody likes her back that much. Erika really likes insulting people. Not sure what that's about, since there's no reason she should. But, while Erika considers about half the group to be her friends, only two of them actually think of her as a friend back. Presumably everybody else isn't fond of being compared to ungainly animals by a stoned moose.

Stork Saio

Saio's still the group's official artist, and he's damn good at it. (Apart from the Really Nice Pants incident.) He's pretty much constantly making sculptures these days. His melee skill... well, he still gets to use it sometimes, but I try to keep him and Payne out of combat when I can. They're too kill-y.

Saio only really likes Payne and Josefin, and barely has an opinion on anybody else. This includes Trav, who's his lone romantic option as a gay guy. For now, at least.

Thavon Rovon

Being the local mechanitor really should be a big deal, but this isn't a group that has a lot of use for, say Centipede Blasters. I probably should start progressing through the mechtech tree a bit, though. Thavon's melee skill is pointless. She's the group's second-best crafter, so she gets saddled with making a lot of the 'it's nice to have quality but I don't really care' stuff like clothes, and she trades off research duties with Erika.

Thavon's married to Payne, of course. Thavon's up there with Josefin in being pretty close with the whole group. ... except Josefin. Somehow these two have shared a bedroom and Payne for like half a year and they have basically no opinion of each other. I'd blame the fact that Josefin's always running around doing construction and Thavon spends all day in the workshop, but... so does Payne.

Willow Payne

20 melee hell yeah. Also, in addition to the combat aura and flight powers, Nephilim also have Lay On Hands, which is an instant wound-mending, similar to the one Sanguophages get. That's been such a fucking godsend for this whole hospital thing, because somebody can walk in half-dead and Payne just zaps them back into one piece. Payne's good at enough stuff that she stays pretty busy.

Married to Thavon, sleeping with Josefin, etc. Payne is so fucking pretty that most of the colony loves her, but she's only fond of a few people in return. And, she's the one person to outright hate someone. She cannot stand Saio. -41 relationship. She'd get a mood boost if he died. I think they have general low compatibility, but the two also got into a fight a while back. Since they're two melee monsters, it did not go well for anybody involved, and Payne ended up on the floor with about half her bones broken. She's holding a grudge.

Travis "Trav" Roth

Trav... isn't good at a lot, but another shooter is nice, and his weird fox powers are pretty handy in combat. The Animals skill would be great, if this group had any use for war animals. As it is, I've assigned Trav to handle the group's Gauranlen tree. It makes little fighty plant guys, don't worry about it. Getting some melee tanks out of it. Anyway yeah he spends about 6 hours a day pruning a magical tree because he isn't good at much else.

Trav's got it rough. He considers Payne, Thavon, and Anna to be friends, but none of them like him in return. The only person who does consider him a friend is somebody that Trav moderately dislikes.

Sonia Pseugite

Listen... she's 11. She's working on it. She got garbage growth at 10, thanks to showing up when she was already partway through that age bracket. She also got intensely unlucky though--she hit 10 right when she was literally about 20 in-game minutes away from ticking up to the next growth level, which would have given her another passion. As it is... I gave her a gun and she's been pitching in as a junior nurse, so hopefully some day she'll be good at something except digging. Right now she's like some kind of mole racial stereotype.

Sonia really likes Payne. Literally nobody likes Sonia. Nobody really hates her either. Not sure why that is. She's new, but she's not that new, compared to...

Luis "Silver" Vital

Okay look yes I never announced Silver when he showed up. He arrived here as a pirate, and a 7-flame Genie who was only a teenager was just too good to pass up. I mean, that Crafting is the main draw though. As soon as he arrived I put him in charge of making charge weapons for everyone who can shoot. They don't need them often, but when they need to fight, they need actual guns.

Despite being a socially-inept newcomer, Silver's friends with most of the group already. He's even the closest thing Sonia has to a friend.

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

went to a sim racing facility for the first time!! having never raced or driven in my life, I set a somewhat ok 58.1 in a Fiat Abarth 500 Assetto Corsa around Brands Hatch Indy.

In honor of this, do you have any Fun Fiat Facts?

Whipped out me sim rig to find out how good a time that was, and it must have taken me around ten laps to manage less (a 57.8)! (Gamer excuses for this sessions are a framerate barely at illusion-of-movement levels and some clutch mapping issue that made most shifts crunch.) For someone who never even drove, that's quite good! Now, maybe not "Run get a sim wheel right now for the good of humanity" good... but maybe "Finding out a used Logitech G25 is Christmas-present cheap may enrich your free time" good.

As for the Fun Fiat Fact request, it's denied: not only because I've already written about Fiat -and for my very first post no less- but most importantly because that car is not a Fiat! Indeed, since 2007 Abarth is, officially, a brand unto itself, that sells models like the 500 and the 124, just like Fiat sells models like the 500 and the 124. Now, I don't think anyone is going to try and pretend the similarities are just a coincidence or that an Abarth 500 is in any way not objectively a Fiat - but it's not a "Fiat 500 Abarth" any more than the one below is a "Chevrolet Cavalier Toyota".

That's right, there once was such thing as a Toyota Cavalier. Oh, brand engineering.

This is a rare but not completely isolated arrangement - see for example Ruf, German brand that makes vehicles based on Porsches, best known for the Ruf CTR -nicknamed "Yellowbird"- that bested the Ferrari F40's incredible top speed record.

Be careful who you call ugly under the 200mph barrier.

But yeah, all that is to say, I am not going to give you any fun Fiat facts. >:(

Let's give you fun Abarth facts then! Let's talk about fake exhausts. Big engines move a lot of gas -that's kind of the point- so they have big exhaust pipes for all that gas to leave, and high-tier exhausts are made of fancy materials that shine.

This -and our love for fancy shiny things in general- makes people like big shiny exhausts. But exhausts are very long, and making them big and shiny is costly. So people figured, what if we only make it wide at the end, where you actually see it?

After all, if the tip is large enough, it will satisfy regardless of what the rest of its length is like - sure, people may think it looks a bit weird when you take it out, but that only happens by the time you've already scored, doesn't it. But now, back to exhausts.

If you can just attach a bigger tip to the end of your exhaust, surely you can attach a tip of a different material and have a bog standard exhaust with a cool shiny tip, that now you can also shape to your designer's content!

(Fun fact: an aftermarket exhaust system that only replaces the components that come after the catalytic converter -which, contrary to the popular misconception that confuses it with the muffler, is mounted right beside the engine- is called a "catback exhaust". Picture unrelated.)

But then, if the tip material is completely separate from the exhaust pipe, you can now just make it a plastic part of the bumper and it doesn't need to withstand temperatures as high and is even cheaper and easier to style!

And now that they're not mounted on the tip of the exhaust, they don't have to coincide with it, so you can split the exhaust into two tips, which is cooler because they're more! Hell, you can also do that by just making the exhaust coincide with one tip and have the other blanked off!

But at that point, why even have the exhaust show up back there at all? Just make the tips blank and make the exhaust go down behind them!

And at that point why not just fuck it up to the point where you need this exhaust evolutionary biology 101 course to even recognize it is meant to be an exhaust, if we can kill God who's left to stop us from dancing on his corpse.

Well, the Abarth 500, as you might have guessed by now, has fake exhaust tips. But here's the weird thing: the real exhaust tips are not any less shiny and prominent than the fake ones. See for yourself in this sound video.

Oh also, I hope the devil got some killer stuff from the deal he made with the Abarth exhaust engineer, because if he only got a piddly little soul in exchange for the ability to turn 500 engine noise into this he got majorly screwed over.

Links in blue are posts of mine explaining the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

[randomshenaniganery]

TGCF Donghua

okay so I've been watching this shit since it was released and I'm fully enjoying waiting for the weekly episodes and I wanna rant about it because I love it so much but I do have some minor gripes

Bad chuchu out of the way first

I am not happy with how generic and unoriginal the designs for most of the supporting characters. Like yeah they still look somewhat different but when the pool of named characters will expand it will get harder and harder to tell people apart if they keep on going with this route. Almost everyone suffers from same face syndrome which I know is rampant in current anime I just wished they allowed for at least more dynamic silhouettes, hairstyles, and color palettes. It feels like a more toned down version of the character design in the manhua. Lang Qianqiu in the manhua is so easy to recognize because of his outfit and pei ming looks more like the bastard he is etc. Don't get me started on the design for Kemo, the manhua felt eh I feel like Kemo was too pretty and too slim but in the donghua its just he's a straight up orc idk, i feel like they could've done better. Pei Su looks very generic, I think out of everyone he's the most generic looking of them all. SQX, Ling Wen and Jun Wu are the best designs for the supporting cast and I think Banyue is also okay looking cause you can tell her apart from the rest so far.

I am super disappointed in Qi Rong's reveal because it doesn't feel as impactful in the book. In the book the reveal of him looking like Xie Lian was so dramatic to me I was like oh my god is that his brother? A twin? a doppelganger? And then Qi Rong just kinda looks like that, tbh his voice actor and his clothes are fine I think they fit. It's just weird how he suffers from same face syndrome. If they made everyone look less like each other making Qi Rong look like Xie Lian would have been so impactful and a really cool cliffhanger but they couldn't do that because even fucking Lang Qianqiu kinda looks like Xie Lian with lighter hair. Also the Fang xin design is alright on the clothes but the mask gives off a bit cheap however I get that it can't be super detailed and it still does its job so I can handwave that small pet peeve.

Also censorship we couldn't get Xie Lian falling on Hua Cheng's lap and so them trying to make up for that was super awkward LMAO, they could have solved this by making SQX fall right on Hua Cheng's chair so that they could justify why Xie Lian grabbed Hua Cheng and throws him but they didn't... and it's so awkward...

I think it was like Episode 2 of s2 that the animation feels weird, Mu Qing's face felt off to me idk what was going on it just felt like something went down but the next episode it was perfectly fine anyway.

Positives!!!

Something the manhua didn't have was Fu Yao and Nan Feng looking a bit like each other, that was so fucking funny and it's a great display of how much they hate each other and live rent free in each other's heads ong. I love that detail the donghua did I think that's smart.

The voice actors are so great in both dubs they're doing amazing (I haven't listened to the jp dub) I have no complaints I love their work

ONE of my favorite things about the donghua is being able to see Hua Cheng's expressions even when Xie Lian is doing something in the book so he wouldn't notice. I love seeing how pleased he is every time someone points out the intimacy with him and Xie Lian. Like in season 1 when Fu Yao is shocked/horrified that Xie Lian shared a bed with Hua Cheng, San Lang puts a hand on his chin and looks so fucking smug and happy. This happens a couple times in s2 as well someone will be like oh that's weird you're so like this with Hua Cheng and he becomes a smug cat it's great.

Another one I enjoy is during the beginning of the banyue arc when Xie Lian reveals to Fu Yao and Nan Feng that he's used to sleeping in squalor the camera goes to Nan Feng not revealing his face but clearly showing his guilt over what Xie Lian reveals. That's good shit.

Lan Chang picking a fight off screen, also cool, love seeing her. I like that she looks inconspicuous so for someone who doesn't know shit about tgcf they will not see *that* shit coming.

ALSO the men look kinda generic if they're not the mls but the girls are all gorgeous???? like the woman who was Hua Cheng's speaker, the girl who led Xie Lian further into the gambling den, XUAN JI, Banyue all the girls are unique without being so ostentatious and I love them. If you put them beside each other they all look like they're own thing but still on theme. From clothes, to hairstyle and colors it's easy to tell and that's good design. I also include SQX's female form cause she's gorgeous too.

The donghua I think adds to stuff I haven't read I'm not sure if this is because I have a bad memory but I don't recall reading a flashback of Lang Qianqiu and the failed robbery. But the message of that entire section was so fucking good. The way that what Lang Qianqiu said about 'maybe he shouldn't have intervened' and the sound effects UGh. It's so good, i love how the book tackles the morality of everything, breaking down Lang Qianqiu's firm positivity and believing in humanity but still promoting being kind and considerate through Xie Lian. This theme still carries on in the show and I think they're doing a great job.

GOD THE MUSIC in the donghua is so fucking good, I love it. The songs, the meanings, the beat it's all perfect I can't say anything more.

even though i'm disappointed in the character design choices the donghua is very solid, I love it a lot. It does come off as very expositiony sometimes but I think that's very prevalent in Chinese Wuxia and Xianxia. Probably weird for people who aren't used to the genre but to anyone who's seen something like it, it's not unbearable and it's kinda necessary because of how the book is written. Waiting for wednesday patiently whilst i draw huahua

There are so many fun details the Donghua adds that shows that they know the story and where it's going as well hinting at character stuff, it's so fun to spot those. Like Xie Lian's reaction to Hua Cheng biting the bun made me wanna claw my face that shit was good af.

[mishafletcher]

hi, and welcome to the 'frequently asked questions about cooking is terrible' post! some of these are scattered in other places around my blog, but i figured i'd collect them for ease of reading. if you want to read the promo post about the book, you can go here.

as always, purchase links are collected here, or you can go directly to the amazon listing.

is cooking actually terrible/how can you say you hate cooking/cooking is an art form and you're disrespecting it see, the thing here is that i'm actually a good cook! i've cooked for a living before, i'll happily pull together a meal for fifty with twenty-four hour notice, and i love a cooking project. i love cooking for community. what i fucking hate, though, is having to somehow produce food for myself, and then consume it, multiple times a day, every day, for apparently the entire rest of my life.

some people love cooking, and i genuinely admire you. sometimes i don't mind it or even enjoy it, and on those nights, i don't need this book. sometimes i'm too tired or in too much pain or too busy playing a video game or too depressed, though, and the idea of spending thirty minutes making food i don't care about makes me want to walk into the sea, and on those days, yeah, cooking is terrible.

is this book vegetarian friendly? yes! there are a handful of recipes where the point of it is meat, but probably 90% of the book is either vegetarian or has options to make it vegetarian. i was a vegetarian for about a decade, and still tend not to cook a ton of meat because the cost of messing it up is so high. there are a number of recipes that call for things like 'chunks of chicken or tofu', but tofu is cheap and delicious, so i'm just as likely to use that as i am chicken.

is this book vegan friendly? maybe. if you're comfortable with things like vegan cheese and plant-based yogurt, the answer is probably yes. the biggest issue for vegans will be dairy, but there are a lot of good vegan dairy replacements out there.

is this book friendly for [basically any other dietary restrictions]? yes again! everything is designed to be pretty flexible. if you're comfortable with the basics how to substitute things for your specific needs, you should be fine with this. (by 'basics of how to substitute', i mean 'tamari instead of soy sauce' or 'gluten-free noodles' or 'sunflower seed butter instead of peanut butter' level of substitutions.) i have severe food allergies, so am very much on board the substitutions train.

is this book useful for people with chronic pain and/or mental health issues? you are very literally the target audience, because i, too, am a disabled person with chronic pain and adhd and other assorted mental health issues. when i started writing this book, it wasn't a book—it was a text file that i could read over when my brain wasn't working well enough to provide me with instructions for complex tasks such as 'make sandwich'.

is this useful for people living in [almost literally anywhere in the world]? unless you live in a place where you can't buy staple foods like rice, beans, and vegetables, it's probably useful. i've personally bought everything mentioned in the cookbook at stores in the us and australia, and have also checked availability at tesco and rewe. there are sometimes minor differences in what things are called, and occasionally one thing or the other is entirely unavailable, but probably 99% of ingredients can be easily purchased in most supermarkets.

do i need to have fancy appliances for this to be useful? hard no. there is zero slow cooker, instant pot, stand mixer, or even rice cooker content in this.

i assume that you have a knife, a bowl, and a source of heat. some things are easier (or nicer) if you also have a $20 immersion blender (mine's from kmart), but that's as fancy as we're getting. i wanted to keep the barrier to food as low as possible.

is it easy to modify recipes in this? yes, and a bunch of recipes are either lists of suggestions (sandwiches! rice toppings!) or have variations listed.

what kind of recipes are in this book? there's a range of them.

stuff that needs no cooking at all—sandwiches, dips, smoothies, salads, etc.

bowls of stuff: pasta, rice, soups you can make in ten to fifteen minutes, oats, etc. using ready-cooked rice or pasta is 100% fine by me, so this focuses pretty heavily on quick and easy toppings.

stuff you cook while you watch netflix, like 'throw this into the oven and then ignore it for an hour'. more importantly, lists of ideas for how to use the things you cooked.

baking and desserts, none of which require more than about five minutes of hands-on work.

if this list is insufficiently convincing, i've also put up a couple example recipes here.

which storefront/format is best? honestly and truly, on my end, it doesn't matter that much—after various fees and things come out, it's within about 50c of each other for ebooks, and maybe a dollar for physical books. amazon currently nets me slightly more than other retailers, but that's changed in the past and will likely change again.

on your end, amazon is probably the cheapest way to get a print copy (and—in the interest of full disclosure—is slightly more money for me, as well). amazon's printing costs are significantly less than anyone else's are, so the book is cheaper there.

why are there so many price points? this is partly because publishing at this point is several business models in a trenchcoat, and partly because retailers can set their own prices and discounts. if you see very low prices, especially at big vendors like amazon, they've decided it's worth it to sell the book at a loss. i have no idea why, but i get the same royalties from it.

if you see very high price points—like $40+ for the paperback version—it's because the vendor is using a traditional-publishing business model and pricing accordingly. please do not buy this book for forty dollars. anywhere in north america and europe, the paperback should be between 10 and 20 of the local currency (dollar, pound, or euro); australians might see it as high as $22 because it costs more to have things printed here.

i want to reiterate: please do not buy this book for many tens of dollars. one, maybe two tens, fine. but forty is as many as four tens, and that's terrible.

is there a print version of this book? i used to get this a lot, and then there was an amazon-only paperback version and i got it less, and now there's a paperback version that you should be able to buy anywhere you buy books.

worth noting is that the available print versions are not spiral bound. if you would like a spiral bound copy and you feel strongly enough about this that you'd like to have it printed and bound yourself, the digital versions (most usefully the pdf from gumroad) have an explicit 'please feel free to print or have this printed' release.

and again—because i get called out for this not infrequently—purchase links are collected here, or you can go directly to the amazon listing.

[goldblumstandard]

A Handful of Headcanons: Grandmaster Edition

This is not an exhaustive list but does contain information that’s always applicable to what I’m doing here. Feel free to pick my brain about whatever you see here, and to use and borrow for yourself as you see fit!

Sakaar is a pet project of his. Some days it’s precious to him; some days he thinks about imploding it and starting over again, or not at all. He’s very fickle about Sakaar and other things—but he’s also very possessive of Sakaar. These are “Hotel California” rules out here, people! You can check out any time you’d like, but you can never leave. This isn’t just because of his abandonment issues (although those are still a factor, I’m sure), but also because of the very few infra/structures in place on the planet to keep it functional even if and when he steps away. It’s a very delicate social ecosystem, never mind that fragile economy. Just a mess!

In a much sadder turn of events, the word “Sakaar” is actually a verb, and one of the very few examples of verbal communication from his previous culture. It roughly translates into to be lost. Unfortunately for you, unless the man himself or another Elder tells you that little tidbit, there’s no organic way to hold that information. His culture is so long-dead it’s thought now to have never even existed, and even when it did, its primary means of communication was psychic.

He is incredibly hot. Just. Very fucking uncomfortably hot. Insanely hot. He’s also warm to the touch! All jokes aside, he…technically predates the Big Bang. Pseudoscientifically speaking, which science-fiction also me to do!, En Dwi and the rest of his race were part of the singularity which creates the Big Bang. He and his kind retained much of that creational heat. It’s actually part of the reason he always seems so distracted: because some part of him is always monitoring his temperature, moderating it to keep it within whatever levels he deems acceptable. He despises cold weather and favors light, airy materials and clothing for the obvious reasons.

He probably doesn’t view you as a person. Let me explain! He is one old-ass motherfucker, literally has the gall to claim he predates the universe just because some of his molecules directly do. He was a completely different person at the beginning of his life, even his life as an Elder of the Universe!, than he is now. He’s grown sullen and jaded and he’s grasping at hedonistic straws to keep going! He’s seen so many people from cradle to grave that he’s grown completely numb to it. Except for that which stays around long enough to earn his attention, he doesn’t view anyone as a person anymore. In his frame of reference, the only “people” alive are other Elders of the Universe, other immortals—so it’s easier to think of only those same people as people. Everyone else is…a cheap imitation.

The Elder he is closest to is the Collector, Taneleer Tivan (who will eventually be appearing on this blog).

They share an exceedingly close bond, and while I’m open to changing the nature of it, that’s something I’m really going to insist on any time I interact with a Collector. If using my lore rather than building one together, the two have shared the culture of their respective homeworlds only with one another, and so to an outsider the cultures seem intertwined. They are, in fact, very, VERY different. The two have done this because they have claimed each other as a brother in a very real, close, kinship way. They have each adopted the most important aspect/s of each other’s cultures to signify this. To help differentiate I will post each one as its own bullet because, remember, I’m surfing in a canon of my own frankensteining. I am open to editing these as preferred per thread!

From En Dwi’s culture comes a fixation on the mouth and chin and a hierarchy in matters of touch. To signify status, elites from Homeworld would daily paint on a stripe down the lip and chin, the breadth, shape, and even color of which was used to express social status and identity. The stripe En Dwi bears now is considered sacred, and represents totality; by contrast, the stripe Tivan bears is self-made that would signify a bastard in its original sense, but represents his House in their own sense. These stripes are painted on daily. To smudge them is an insult, to apply them an honor. Both of these lead into the hierarchy of touch: unless otherwise invited, it is considered rude to touch someone of a higher social status than you until they had touched you first. For some statuses, such as the one En Dwi embodies, permission must also be obtained before you can touch them, even if they touch you first.

(As you can imagine, En Dwi is especially given to touching people while demanding they receive permission first, and often denying that. He usually touches people on the chin, lips, and nose, something that would have been considered obscene and possibly demeaning on Homeworld.)

From Tivan’s culture comes a fixation on hands and fingers and a different hierarchy in matters of touch. To signify status in the version of Cyngus I made up, nail polish and general upkeep of the hands was used and ritually attended to. To smudge or otherwise damage the nail/polish is insult, to apply it an honor—you get the drill! Deference is shown through the hands, and much like the social status determination of who can touch whomst explained above, the ability to touch or inspect a hand is supposed to be first offered to the higher status. (En Dwi has a fixation on hands, ask me about that later.)

En Dwi’s homeworld is creatively named Homeworld, because its true name is a mental projection of the feeling of home and considered sacred—blasphemous to reject the feeling of!—but Off-Worlders struggled with ot rejecting the forced emotion. It was by necessity given a name, but En Dwi refuses to share that with anyone except with Tivan.

Can, has, does, and will continue to seek out mortal pets. You have been warned.

[aeondeug]

Saw a post that while I understand it I ultimately disagree. The notion that there is no worth or merit in limited save systems just isn't for me. I do think that unlimited saves are nice and I do like when games include difficulty settings that offer them. But I do think that limited or even punishing save systems have their purpose. Especially in genres like horror or dungeon crawlers. We'll use Fear and Hunger 1 as an example because it's what I've been playing lately. Fear and Hunger does not allow you to save anywhere. You may only save at beds. Furthermore, when you choose to rest you are given a coin flip. If you guess correctly you get to save the game and nothing else happens. If you guess incorrectly you do not get to save and are attacked by an enemy (or subjected to a game over in at least one case). There are a total of two/three beds in the game that never ask for a coin flip, allowing for a free save. One only allows this once. The other only after defeating a fairly tough boss fight. To add to this the coin flips are true 50-50's which feels very unfair to most. This can be turned into a 75% chance at success with rare consumable items.

You can also get items that allow you to save for free and anywhere in the dungeon and can be most commonly obtained through random loot from bookshelves. Bookshelves themselves are also a coin flip, failure of which nets you nothing and with some shelves on the harder difficulties a negative status effect. To many this sounds miserable. Many who have played the game also think it is miserable. Some have given up on it in part because of the save feature working the way it does. Others make use of an infinite Book of Enlightenment mod to give themselves unlimited free saves anywhere in the game world. These are valid reactions to the save system, I think. And I do believe that Miro should have at the very least added a suspend feature to the game. But I don't think that the save system itself shouldn't work how it does or that there is no real merit behind it as a system. Because there is merit. Quite a bit of it, actually.

So let's start with the easiest bit of why this system is "good": tone and atmosphere. The Dungeons of Fear and Hunger are awful. They are infamous even before their descent into god influenced madness with many stories of their horrors being told. We are entering them after they have fallen and defeated several attempts to stem the darkness. Those who have survived them are those who have become monsters in one form or another. And the save system helps bring this across! There is a danger and uncertainty to sleeping in Fear and Hunger. You don't just instantly enter combat after failing the flip either. You get to hear the sound of the enemy and to see them appear looming over your sleeping form. There is a deliberate slowness and intention to it. And that free save you get once? It's located at a bed many will find first and sleeping in it after that will summon in a very difficulty enemy to defeat.

This in itself is kind of terrifying. And it makes you go for stretches of the game without saving after a point. Dying after going on a long stretch hurts. It feels fucking awful. Especially if you found something cool that you've since lost. Losing your things to a coin toss while trying to save feels worse. It feels cheap. But this is where I think the other big boon to this system comes into play.

Fear and Hunger is ultimately a game about the acquirement of knowledge and wisdom. You can see this in the story of the game, but you can also see this in the gameplay. Fear and Hunger is a tough game to learn but once it's been learned it can be made very easy. The save system is just one more case of this in action.

So beds are unsafe to sleep in, yes, but you may have noticed that after killing a few guards that enemies do not respawn. And that there seems to be a limited number of them. So why not find a level of the dungeon where you have killed or can kill everything on it? If you do this you'll get safe saves!

What about the bed with the boss fight? Well, you're in the city of Mahabre and you have likely played with the time travel mechanic a bit. So if you're in the past Mahabre why not try traveling to the present? If you do this you'll get a free save. Free saves forever, actually! No fight needed. The boss fight is only needed to get the save point in the past version of the city.

Now what about the books? Well there's a few things we can do here. They are lootable and you can save your lucky coins for bookshelves. That's still only a chance after a chance though. If you'd like another chance though and you have the steal skill you can potentially steal them from the priest enemies near the game's starting location. You can get a few of these guaranteed too. One close to the guy you're looking for and one in Mahabre. If you're heartless you can also trade a child for one. If you are really, really hurting for one you can use an empty scroll to get one. I would suggest using your empty scrolls for something else, but if you really need one you can do this.

Knowing these things makes the game a lot less terrifying and a lot less frustrating. It's also very satisfying because you can start bending the game over your knee instead of it doing that to you. And this compounds with literally every other bit of accumulated knowledge you get which fucking rules.

This will not be to everyone's taste. I understand that and I don't shame those who use the Book of Enlightenment mod. But there is a beauty and a worth in the way saves work in Fear and Hunger.

[howlingmoonrise]

*waves* @commandersya here, just putting it on this blog for organizational reasons.

seconding pleco, the mobile version is helpful as fuck since you can look characters up in a variety of different ways (by drawing, typing the pinyin, etc). that being said, that's very much a side resource/dictionary useful for when you want to remember something or are getting started with sentences, and not for actually learning the characters.

okay. mandarin blueprint. i will tell you right now that it uses a variation of the marilyn method, as does hanzihero iirc. as far as i know they both also use specific (useful!) learning orders where you don't learn a new character before learning all the components that make it up, which makes a LOT more sense than trying to learn an entire character on its own at a time, which is what most of the apps available for mandarin and japanese try to get you to do, which makes me want to rip my own hair out. i tried nearly all the mandarin apps out there, believe me.

that being said, MB has some differences from HH, and you'll have to decide which one to pick because unless you want to start from scratch, each of them "locks" the other one out. MB uses a different pinyin table - which @sunriseverse hates and i was initially confused by, but which ultimately ended up being more helpful in remembering stuff - which in turn makes it so that the sets/characters you have to remember in order to use the marilyn method are not the same between MB and HH.

i honestly can't say a lot about HH since i went down the MB route myself. they both have free trials, and in my experience the MB one is incredibly generous (one warning - the trial is up to level 20, but you only have flashcards up to level 13 or so, and they don't specify this to you in advance) but the rest is fairly expensive, at least if you're used to european tuition for your studies or comparing to other available mandarin online programs.

that being said, if you're cheap and have loads of patience, you can reverse-engineer MB's patented learning order from the free trial and make your own flashcards, as they give you a roadmap of a lot of the characters/components/words to compare how much you've learned. by the point you reach the end of the free flashcards you already have a pretty good grasp on the method, and using the below and the rule of never learning a character before knowing all of its components you can rebuild their learning order.

regarding what sunny said about the method being stupidly convoluted: yeah. yeah, it is, and you're going to go through the whole journey of "why the fuck am i making an entire movie scene for such a simple character what the fuck wouldn't it be easier to just remember it" all the way until you're doing it for a not so simple character and memorizing it like no one's business in like 30 seconds. no one is more frustrated that this thing works than me.

not a lot to comment on their sentence-learning bits yet, as i'm still stuck on "this is annoying and not an accurate translation" but it might get better as it did with the characters. reserving judgement for now.

i will absolutely say that MB feels scammy as hell though, and on my side i try to ignore as much of their communications and non-learning blog posts as possible because it annoys the shit out of me. i also recommend giving a look at their pronounciation videos (here's the 1 hour version), which unfortunately are amongst the best i've seen. even if you're not planning on speaking mandarin, it's a good idea to at least have a rough idea of how the spoken form works, so as to not train yourself into using western pronounciation for pinyin when you're reading characters.

I keep meaning to look this up, but could you please help in pointing me somewhere to start? I'm learning Chinese (on a hobby level, at a snail's pace) and every class, on- or offline I tried so far expects me to just bruteforce learning hanzi one by one. I think you've mentioned it before (or I read it somewhere, can't remember) that there's a logic to how they are built and by knowing the building blocks you can even guess how a new-to-you character might be pronounced. Could you point me somewhere reliable I could learn more about this? Thank you :)

hi fixa! my apologies in advance if this reply is a little disordered, i personally learnt chinese as a child/growing up in china so my experience with learning chinese is very different from those wanting to learn as adults. but hopefully the resources i've provided will at least give you a starting point!

in terms of texts:

for character dictionaries that allow you to look things up via radicals and/or allow you to practice writing, there is adrian van amstel's text "simplified chinese character dictionary", cheng & tsui's "chinese character dictionary", and muhammad wolfgang g. a. schmidt's "the big chinese character dictionary" which all look fairly promising. cheng & tsui and schmidt's texts both have built-in writing portions, where you can practice the characters, while amstel's text is more of a classic dictionary in that you can only look characters up. (there's another text that i would recommend here, but i can't for the life of me remember the title and i don't have the text on hand—it's probably from the 80s, but it also teaches characters through radicals and has some explanation on the history of the evolution of the characters? will add this if/when i remember the title (providing i didn't list it already, but i don't think i have).)

the main drawback to these is that i haven't actually been able to find a copy of the cheng & tsui text online anywhere :/ it is possible to find the schmidt one, though (probably because it was published in '65—which is a drawback because i'm not sure where it would be in terms of simplified characters vs traditional), as well as the amstel text (though the copy i managed to find lists both the traditional and simplified character versions, which might be a bit confusing).

for actually learning how to write chinese characters, without having to pay anything: i cannot recommend TOFU Learn enough. when i was trying to regain competency in writing, this was the app/website i used the most. it's technically a general flashcard resource, but it's designed for learning chinese first—there are specific decks for all the hsk levels, and for radicals (usually the kangxi radicals list, but there are also 100 most common lists, etc).

in terms of other resources:

— the pleco dictionary is invaluable for looking characters up—it also breaks down characters by components, and you can, if you have it downloaded on your phone, draw characters to look them up rather than having to remember the pinyin. it also includes alternate pronunciations of characters when they exist (saved my life in a classical chinese translation project where i was ripping my hair out trying to figure out who the fuck was being talked about because the common pronunciation wasn't yielding shit).

— haven't used it myself, but my good friend @commandersya claims the mandarin blueprint system is incredibly helpful (despite looking scammy as hell); they have a free 30 day trial, as well. they put a lot of emphasis on radicals/character components, though the system they use to memorise characters feels a little baffling and roundabout to me (but howl says it works great, and i trust her because she's actually the one learning it from scratch).

most other resources i can think of off the top of my head are geared more towards getting you ready to speak, so i hope at least some of these are useful!

( @mejomonster might have some further resources as well; i know he's been studying chinese for a while, and would probably be a better source for that sort of thing than i am, since my experience is not really anything like your average foreign chinese language student.)

[cacoetheswriting]

heyy

can you do a angst with fluffy ending with eddie x reader on reader birthday (but not that he forgot pls 🙏🏻) you can decide the rest

thank you so much!! 💖💖

gosh i am sooooo sorry for only getting this out to you now! it's been sitting in my drafts, half-finished for far too long! again, super sorry for the delay - and i hope you enjoy 🤍

-

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader word count: 2.3k content warnings: talk of breakups / heartbreak (eddie & reader are exes), adult language, use of pet names, mentions of alcohol consumption, - very much unedited - pls let me know if i missed anything!

Birthdays weren’t really your thing.

Celebrating getting older stopped being fun when the gifts turned from colourful toys to cards with generic wishes, and when parties went from having bright bouncy castles to drinking cheap wine alone in a messy apartment at the end of an even messier night. From pure, unfiltered joy, to misery and feeling like your life was slipping through your fingers, fast.

There were a few expectations over the last few years — four lucky birthdays to be exact. And these happy memories came into existence thanks to a certain curly-haired, brown-eyed boy.

Eddie first asked you out a few days before your nineteenth birthday and even though the two of you never really talked prior, there was no denying he was really fucking pretty and you had a big fat silent crush on him for quite some time before that faithful afternoon.

He invited you out for burgers, and in the midst of natural conversation, when you let slip that it was your birthday, Eddie also got you ice-cream, asking the waiter to place a single candle in the colourful sundae.

Till this day, it was the most genuine thing anyone has ever done for you. The most romantic too.

And every birthday that followed, every birthday you spent together with the metalhead was beyond special. He made them special.

From balloons and love notes, to heartfelt gifts, various activities during the day and dinners at his trailer or out in town. He even rallied your friends and threw you parties that no longer ended with loneliness. No year was the same. Eddie made them unique and memorable — which you adored him for wholeheartedly.

Unfortunately, the genuine love you shared was not enough and the relationship came to an unforeseen end.

Eddie had big plans of one day becoming a rockstar, practicing guitar in his free time till his fingers bled, and you were studying day and night, working towards your dream degree. Your lives were heading in completely different directions and there came a point where you only saw each other once every fortnight, while your already irregular phone calls were often cut short.

That was three months ago. A breakup as natural as breathing, yet equally as earth shattering.

Even though it was a mutual decision, the pain was ever present and you cried yourself to sleep for weeks after. Eddie took a piece of you when he left and your whole body was in mourning. It didn’t help that everything in what remained of your life reminded you of him. Physical items like the printed t-shirts in your drawer or the mug he branded as his and you never let anyone else use. A Dio song you’d hear randomly or the diner he took you to on your first date. Then there was the emotional side, the soft glimmer in his eyes you remembered when you closed yours and the sound of his laughter you wished you’d hear again.

Things eventually got easier ‘cause it’s not like you saw Eddie often when you were together. Plus studying for an ungodly amount of hours kept you busy, distracted. And after giving yourself an appropriate time to feel everything, there was honestly no more time for heartbreak.

That is until your birthday rolled around.

When you opened your eyes late morning, you wanted the ground to open up and swallow you whole — which in Hawkins was more than likely to happen. The last four birthdays were nothing short of perfect and now…  

The nausea followed shortly after.

Your plan was to stay in bed all day, and it was going quite well since at six o’clock that evening you were glued to the same spot, until Robin barged into your room, Steve close on her heels, with a glass of water and a poorly decorated cake. Their singing gave you a headache, but you were still grateful for their attempt to make this day end on a better note.

“Now, go get your ass dressed,” Robin orders, glancing at Steve for his rehearsed words of encouragement.

He’s wide-eyed at first, nose buried in icing, but quickly nods at Robin’s words and looks in your direction.

“Y-yes, yes! We have an evening of fun planned!” Steve exclaims after swallowing a mouth full of vanilla cake.

Your roommates, however sweet they were trying to be, failed to realise the one place you really didn’t want to spend your birthday was The Hideout, and that’s exactly where they brought you.

The Hideout, presenting its usual lurking charm from the moment you stepped inside, was the one place in Hawkins you knew guaranteed an awkward bump-in with Eddie. Or maybe a needed interaction? Seeing him in his element could possibly bring some sort of closure after three months of no contact… No. No. Seeing him would only bring back the pain you tried real hard to bury.

A stench of old man sweat mixed with spilled booze hits your senses while you hurry closely behind Robin and Steve. In the dim light, your eyes are focused on the floor below, partially because you’re trying not to slip or trip over your own two feet, but mainly ‘cause you’re fearful of catching a glimpse of a certain head of wild brown locks. You only look up when the three of you approach a table closer to the back, away from most of the noise, and are greeted with hugs from Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle. 

Settling yourself on one of the chairs, you exchange pleasantries with the rest of your friends while Steve orders a round of shots for the group. They all raise a toast to your health, their cheers attracting some attention in the process, but you don’t think anything of it, starting to instead feel glad you agreed to this.

“Birthday girl isn’t allowed to pay for her own drinks, got it?” Robin addresses the group and they all nod in unison. You wanna protest, but she swats at you from across the table before the words escape your lips. Her eyes saying that you need this, your eyes saying that you’re grateful she’s your friend. I know, Robin mouths as Jonathan takes everyone’s drink order.

Every shot you take, you chase with a rum and coke. The liquid burns down your throat. Third, fourth, fifth round down. You’re feeling buzzed, happy. Most importantly, no longer thinking of the boy that would normally also be hanging out with this group — blissfully unaware that he was actually watching your every move from the other side of the bar.

Eddie hadn’t initially planned on going out tonight. After a long day of working at the garage, then band practice right after, he really just wanted to smoke and fall asleep. As he got out of the shower however, instead of jumping into bed, he reached for a clean t-shirt. He couldn’t really explain why. It was stupid to think something inside of him was urging him to come to The Hideout tonight. He was wrecked beyond belief, yet his feet carried him here.

Then he heard it. Your name, followed by a mini-eruption of woohoos.

Head snapping in the direction of the sound, Eddie’s gaze found the source of the noise and then scanned the small group until he reached your relaxed frame. Christ, he thought, palms getting clammy. To say you looked gorgeous would be a vast understatement. And to say he didn’t realise just how much he missed you until this very moment would be nothing short of the truth.

Sure, after the breakup, Eddie found it hard to get through the day-to-day. Constantly distracted, thinking about you and second guessing the decision you both made. But then he reminded himself this was for the best, convinced himself that people can have more than one great love in their life, and things got easier.

There were days he hoped he’d accidentally run into you. At the store, out for coffee, or just wandering the streets of Hawkins. No such luck. When he started working at the shop to save some extra cash, he thought maybe you’d come in with your clunk of shit car since he was always telling you to get it looked at, but again, it never happened. 

Three months passed like nothing.

Eddie would’ve never thought that today, your fucking birthday of all days, would be when he saw you next.

Cold beer in hand, he thought about walking up to the table you sat at with your mutual friends. And he was about to, but then you laughed at something Argyle said and the honey-like sound froze him in place. Clearly, you were having a good time. Eddie didn’t want to ruin that, so he opted for watching you like some fucking creep. 

Four beers later, he’s still in the same spot.

Nancy takes over the jukebox duties. Billy Idol’s White Wedding starts to play as she pulls you to your feet, an excited squeal escaping her lips when you don’t protest. Swaying your hips to the music, you feel elated. Even more so when Robin joins in, singing along as Nancy twirls around the two of you. The boys clap, grinning like idiots, and you know you’re going to remember this moment forever, or at least until you unintentionally go over your drink limit and black out.

A smile tugs at the corners of Eddie’s lips as he continues to shamelessly stare at you. Carefree, is the word he’d use now to describe you and in all honesty, he hasn’t seen you like this in a while. Then his smile falters before it really fully appears ‘cause he finds himself wishing he was the reason for your current mood. Was ending things a mistake?

Mid-song, you spin and as you do, your eyes skim the bar, passing a set of curly hair. The air hitches in your throat as you double back. Just to make sure your drunken gaze wasn’t deceiving you, you tell yourself, but the reality is much different. Please be him, please be him, please be him…

When your eyes do lock with his, your tummy burns.

The copious amount of alcohol trifling through your veins right now gives you that extra push you need to start a short strut towards your ex-boyfriend. Someone’s arm is on you, attempting to pull you back slightly, but you don’t pay attention to it. Then you hear Steve say, “let her go, she needs this.”, and you’re free to continue your journey. 

In a trance, gaze glued to Eddie’s chocolate one, you push through the people until you’re leaning against the bar he was sitting at, observing as his features turn from awe into something you couldn’t quite decipher.

“Hey, pretty girl.” Eddie greets nonchalantly, as if no time has passed, as if nothing has changed between the two of you.

So you follow in his footsteps, carefully hoisting yourself up on the stool next to his, bare knee brushing against his denim-clad one. 

“Wanna order me a drink?”

Eddie smirks. “Straight to the point, as always.”

“Well, since it is my birthday, Robin said I’m not allowed to pay for my own poison,” you tell him, shrugging lightly, “So if you have a problem with that, you gotta take it up with her.”

He huffs out a laugh. 

“I’d rather not go against Buckley.” And with that he orders a shot of tequila each.

When the small glasses are in front of you, accompanied by a lime wedge, he takes your hand without asking, then licks between your thumb and index finger, doe-eyes never leaving yours. 

A shiver runs down your spine at the sudden contact and you try to play it cool, but in reality your heart is racing. Though Eddie doesn’t give you time to think about what he’s done with no warning, pouring salt in the spot he’s just salivated. He then hastily repeats the action on his own hand and pushes a shot glass in your direction. 

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

The toast is short and sweet. He raises the glass in front of his face as the words escape his lips, licks the salt off his own hand (which you’re a little disappointed in, unsurprisingly already missing the sensation that was his gentle touch), and downs the liquid in one go.

You quickly follow suit, not wanting to seem like he got you all flustered. But as the two of you sit and stare at one another while sucking on the lime wedges for a little longer than normal, you realise he’s just as rattled as you are — good.

“I hate tequila,” Eddie announces, discarding the wedge.

“I don’t mind it,” you say, wiping the corners of your mouth.

His gaze drops slightly, to where your finger presses against your puffy lips, and he bites down on his own rather shamelessly. There is a brief moment of silence in which Eddie thinks back to seconds before, when his tongue caressed your soft skin. He hates himself a little ‘cause he doesn’t wanna mess with your head, but fuck did that feel good. He’d like to do it again, if not more. Is that crazy?

And while you continue to look into his eyes, the butterflies in your stomach are going wild since you know exactly what he’s thinking. The only problem is you don’t know how to tell him because there’s so much else to be said first. Three months of catching up, to be precise, but did exes even do that?

“How about we get out of here?” Eddie offers, voice nothing short of a murmur.

You nod. Of course you nod. You’d go to the end of the world if he’d ask.

Before you know it, Eddie’s hand is on the small of your back, leading you through The Hideout crowd and out the front door. You don’t say goodbye to your friends, you can apologise tomorrow for leaving without a word. Instead, you inhale the fresh air, a wobble in your step as you turn to once again look at your ex-boyfriend.

“Where do you wanna go?”

Eddie throws his arm around your shoulders, pulling you in as close as he possibly can. He tilts his head to meet your gaze and smiles. A genuine smile.

“There’s this diner not far from here,” he answers simply and your heart swells. Then once again, tenfold, as he places a kiss to your crown before whispering in your ear, “Back to where it all started, pretty girl.”.

as always, thank you for reading! pls don't hesitate to reblog & tell me what you think - ily!

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